#but like yes poke me provoke me i will probably always be up to rambling abt him if u give me a hook jjwdjkawdjkdjkwwdk

[narwhalandchill]

i love your extra long monologues abt tartaglia so this is exactly what i meant by my ask thank you sm for ur response 💗

THANK UUUUU And ur welcome im so happy ppl enjoy the thoughts my Diseased mind for this bastard maniac spews out 💕💕🩵🐋🐋✨ i have a problem and im Not fixing it

[alrighty-matty]

ice creams and dances

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: Matt received a very thought-provoking question from your niece and voiced out his answer to you.

Warning: banters, matt being his cheeky self, matt briefly interacting with a child, tooth-rotting fluff that makes you want to punch drywall, two idiots in love. essentially a follow-up story from ‘dessert and dances’, but also work as a standalone.

Note: thank you so much for the overwhelmingly positive response and feedback for ‘dessert and dances’! I had always intended to write a follow-up story for it, but I was not sure how to wrap the whole thing nicely. I personally think we need more fic Matt interacting adorably with a child. So here is the second (and last) part of dances dulogy!

read ‘dessert and dances’ here

“Matty, do you know what the biggest planet in the universe is?”

Matt trudged along, trying his best not to accidentally stumble upon his own feet with his cane tucked underneath his arm. He let your niece, Lily, drag him to God-knows-where, a loud jiggle from her backpack ringing excitedly. It was a duck keychain with bells attached to one of the zippers—so he had been told.

He sighed in relief when she pulled him into a bench, suddenly remembering your sister’s stern order to not feed her with too much sugar. “Is it Jupiter?”

Lily gasped loudly, dramatically. Matt smiled slightly—she resembled you a lot in that way. “Yes!”

“See? I’m smart too,” Matt booped her nose. “Just like you.”

He could sense her beaming, bright like the star. “I want to be an astronaut when I grow up!”

“I thought you wanted to be a cool lawyer like me and your aunt?”

“Nooo!” she whined. There was a momentary pause before she hesitantly added, “Can I be Saturn’s lawyer?”

Matt let out a surprised chuckle. “No, I don’t think so.”

Lily withered next to him, deflated like a balloon. He imagined a prominent pout appearing on her lips as she pulled her backpack strap. A mushroom-shaped backpack—you told him—instead of her old duck-shaped one.

“But I want to be Saturn’s lawyer,” she said with such melancholy that Matt had to physically restrain himself from laughing.

“Maybe you can be Saturn’s friend.”

“I want to be Saturn’s friend!” Lily practically vibrated with excitement next to him. “Saturn has a ring! Daddy told me that Saturn’s ring is cold, like ice!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Did you know that Saturn is very light? It was made of gas!”

“I am now, thanks to you!”

Matt smiled at her excited voice, solemnly listening to Lily’s rambles about Saturn. She had moved on from her duck obsession, now completely enamored with spaces and planets and stars above since her parents gave her a comic book about it. She was probably one of, if not the smartest, five-year-old he had ever met.

“Saturn is my favorite planet,” she declared with the most serious voice any five-year-old could muster. “It’s pretty because it has a ring.”

“Pretty, just like you,” Matt poked her side playfully.

Lily giggled and squirmed. “Daddy said me and mommy are the prettiest girls,” she patted her cheeks and hummed, “But Auntie Y/N is pretty too! Do you think Auntie Y/N is pretty, Matty?”

That would be an understatement. “I think she’s very pretty. She has a beautiful voice.”

Lily hummed thoughtfully. “Matty, can I ask you a question?”

Matt smiled encouragingly. “Of course. You can ask me anything.”

“Are you Auntie Y/N’s boyfriend?”

He was saved from having to answer the most difficult question he had encountered since his bar exam with your voice ringing nearby, “There you are!”

Lily, bless her heart and every child in the world for their short attention span, immediately sprinted towards you. “Auntie Y/N!”

“I was lining up to buy more froyo and the next thing I know you guys are gone!” you said in a mock reprimanding voice. Your hands found residence on your hips. “Did you drag Matty here, young lady?”

“She was trying to tell me the biggest planet in the universe,” Matt interjected.

“Aww, did I miss a fun fact session?” you took a seat next to him. The soft fabric of your cardigan brushed against his skin. You smelled heavily of strawberry yogurt and kiwi, a result of an accident earlier in the froyo parlor.

“We just moved on to Saturn.”

“I want to see the stars!” Lily announced suddenly. “Can we see the stars tonight?” she tugged the hem of your cardigan pleadingly. “Please?”

“Okay, but you still have to go to bed at nine,” you patted her cheeks gently.

Lily frowned. “Ten?”

“Nine. You have a big day tomorrow with Mommy and Daddy, you’ll be exhausted if you stay up too long.”

“Okay,” Lily said, already walking away from the bench with a skip on her step. “I want to see the ducks now!”

He heard you heave a long, heavy sigh and dissolved into a chuckle. Matt tilted his head towards your direction, drunk in all the sound, and clung to every single minute of it. It was hard not to smile or chuckle along when all he wanted to do was to bottle it and keep it forever. It delighted him and scared him at the same time.

“Get up,” you nudged him with your knee. “It’s duck time now.”

Matt unfolded his cane and got up. He didn’t know who started to hold whose hand, but he entwined his fingers with yours and didn’t let go.

***

The star sighting turned out to be just a mere plan.

Lily could barely keep her eyes open during dinner and started to get fussy over her meals. She ended up falling asleep halfway finishing a plate of chicken nuggets after a brief meltdown from having to eat broccoli.

Matt shoved his hand into the freezer and dug around, searching for one thing he had been promised for. When you told everyone during lunch break that your sister and her husband were in town and asked to babysit Lily for one day during their anniversary, he immediately asked if you would need a hand—or a company really—to babysit Lily during the day.

Foggy sent him a look and Karen raised conspiratorial eyebrows. You said yes and promised him a free ice cream—which resulted in Foggy nudging his foot underneath the table and Karen faking a cough. It made sense because he had met Lily before and she liked him, right?

Matt let out a triumphant aha! when his hand finally wrapped out around his prize.

“One man down,” you announced. You walked towards him, nudged him to scoot so you could dig the freezer, and swiftly pulled a pint of ice cream. “I swear I was about to cry when she won’t eat her broccoli. I don’t know how the hell my sister survives this on a daily basis.”

Matt handed you a spoon. “She’s a cute kid. Very smart too.”

You stabbed your spoon to the hard surface of your ice cream. “Yet she turns into an absolute inconsolable demon over a broccoli,” you sighed. “I have no idea how you can actually like that.”

Matt paused, a spoonful of ice cream hanging just right above his mouth. “What? Ice cream?”

“Rum and raisins,” you said. Matt could practically hear your nose scrunched in disgust.

“What are you? Food police?” Matt shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

“Yes, and I have to charge you for a salt and buttery.”

“Oh my god,” Matt threw his head backward and let out the loudest groan of the century. “Ease up with the puns, officer.”

“Why? You hate puns? You hate good laughs and happiness? Is that it?” you taunted with a huge grin. “I hope you find your inner peas soon.”

Matt snorted. He shoved you gently with his hip, shaking his head. “Stop.”

You shoved him back, albeit weakly. “No.”

“Stop.”

“No.”

“Stop.”

“No.”

“You butter back off, officer.”

You whirled around and faced him. Your spoon fell and hit the soft edge of the ice cream pint softly with a soft thud. Matt could feel you staring at him with such intensity, eyes burning holes into his skull. The corner of his lips twitched as he tried to swallow back laughter.

“I hate you,” your voice was a mere whisper.

Matt chuckled. “Old news. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“That’s a good one.”

The bottom of his lip quivered as he tried to hold back laughter. “Then laugh.”

“No,” you retorted stubbornly. Your voice was shaky as if you were grudgingly preventing yourself from laughing. “I don’t want to give you the satisfaction of laughing. You’ll start thinking you’re funny.”

Matt poked your side. “I’ve been told I’m delightful.”

“People who like rum and raisins are not funny, Matt. It just doesn’t work.”

“Hey!” he chided, pointing the end of his spoon in your direction. “That’s rich coming from someone who eats frozen toothpaste and calls it ice cream.

You gasped dramatically. “Don’t be such a hater. It’s an ugly color on you,” you dug a spoonful of ice cream and ate. “Mint choco chips is the superior ice cream flavor. At least I don’t have the taste buds of a grumpy eighty-year-old man.”

“Don’t be such a hater. It’s an ugly color on you,” Matt parroted. You elbowed his rib in retaliation. “And I’ll make an absolutely adorable old man, thank you.”

“You’re a menace.”

“I’m a menace with an exquisite taste in ice cream and know how to dance.”

“Oh, you want to go there?” you put your ice cream pint on the countertop and folded your arms together in front of your chest.

“You stepped on my feet a lot when we danced at your cousin’s wedding.”

You huffed. “I’ve improved.”

Matt leaned on the counter and raised an eyebrow. “Put on some music, then. You owed me a good dance.”

“Fine,” you immediately fumbled with your phone. “If Lily wakes up, you’ll tuck her and cajole her back to sleep.”

An upbeat song blared from a bluetooth speaker tucked on the left corner behind a vase of a snake plant. You pulled his hand and dragged him into the living room before Matt could register what song it was, laughter involuntarily escaping his lips as he trudged along.

“Bees Gees?” he wondered out loud. “More Than A Woman?”

“Yep,” you popped the p, grabbing his other hand, and started to move to the rhythm. “Dance, Matt.”

Perhaps it was the song. Perhaps it was the privacy of your living room without the scrutiny of strangers’ eyes. And perhaps, you were just being right. But Matt had to admit that you danced a lot more fluidly to the rhythm, swaying excitedly with little jumps on your feet. Matt moved along, careful not to nudge the coffee table, laughter ringing in the air as he spun you around.

You sang along, impressively stable despite your upbeat movements. Matt didn’t bother to hide his wide grin, stretching his arm as if he was letting you go and pulling you into his arms before you escaped his grip. He started to sing along—a little breathless and more like mumbling out words than anything else—between squeals and laughter.

The song faded slowly into oblivion, ending up with you and him wrapped in tangled limbs and a heap of breathless laughter. Matt gently held you by your waist, your skin jolted him with burning fire but he was reluctant to let go. You gingerly placed your hands around his shoulders, the smell of sweet mint chocolate chips ice cream invaded his senses.

A soft beat of drums slowly sneaked in. Elvin Bishop’s Fooled Around and Fell In Love penetrated the walls, sneaked into his bones, and rattled them just the way your steady heartbeat often did. You and Matt swayed around gently, breathless from the previous escapade but unwilling to wrap it up, and called it a day.

“You okay?”

Matt blinked, a little groggy from being pulled so suddenly from his trance. “Good and dandy.”

“Do you want taco ‘bout it?” you asked skeptically, although Matt could sense you smiling smugly all the same.

“If you drop the pun, yes.”

“Hater,” you muttered underneath your breath. “Okay, then. What’s up?”

“Lily asked me a very thought-provoking question today.”

You laughed softly. Your laughter zapped through him so suddenly, erupting in millions of butterflies fluttering all around him. “What did little Socrates ask you?”

“She asked me whether I’m your boyfriend or not.”

“She did?” you laughed again, more like a choked surprise that pulled out of your teeth. There was as much mirth in your laugh as stars in New York’s sky—the way he used to remember it at least.

“She did.”

“What did you say to her?”

“Didn’t have the chance to answer.”

You inhaled sharply, your grip on his shoulders faltering just a little bit. “What would you say to her if you have the chance?”

Matt swallowed harshly, forcefully disbanding a knot on his throat before it had the chance to form. “In a perfect world,” he said carefully, “I am.”

There was a quick skip on someone’s heartbeat. Whether it was his or yours, he wasn’t sure.

“Are we in love with each other?” you asked. Your voice was soft, faltering in the end, as if it was a thought you didn’t mean to say out loud.

Matt found himself nodding. He didn’t know how much truth contained in that barest nod, but he suspected a tiny part of him had always known.

You exhaled shakily. “What are we gonna do about it?”

“I don’t know,” he answered softly, truthfully. There were so many possibilities out there—so many what-ifs, so many challenges awaiting that he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to see around and find out. It was terrifying, the unknown of the future. “We’ll figure it out together. That’s what we do,” he swayed gently. “But I suppose we can start with a kiss.”

You laughed, surprised, but bright and merry. “You want to kiss me, Murdock?”

Matt sighed in relief, his lips pulled into a grin before he knew it. “I’ve always wanted to kiss you.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

“I’ve only kissed people who appreciate puns before,” you teased. “But I guess I can add a pun hater into my tally.”

Matt rolled his eyes, gently tugging you closer by your waist to capture your lips. It was messy and awkward at first like someone tripping and losing their balance. Teeth clattering and giggles erupted, but eventually, you and Matt found the right footing and melted in perfect seams.

He traveled his hands up to cup your face, cradling you gently just to tether him and assured him it was all not fantasy—that if he let go for a little while you would still be there. The kiss was gentle, innocent, and curious altogether, tugging his chest to shatter his heart completely only to mend all the pieces back tightly.

Matt didn’t know who pulled away first. The kiss left him breathless, more so than the dance. He ran his thumb over your lips gently, smooth from the meticulous care of chapstick that he could smell from miles away, happiness erupted in his chest like fireworks in July’s sky.

He leaned his forehead with yours, relaxing into you completely.

“I can’t believe my niece is secretly a cupid,” you giggled.

Matt giggled along—completely silly and uncaring. “She’s an angel, in that way.”

“You know,” you started, arms snaking around his neck unashamedly now. “I still can taste rum and raisins when we kiss.”

Matt grinned widely, so wide that his cheeks hurt. He brushed his nose with yours together. “See? Rum and raisins are not so bad.”

You slapped his chest playfully. “Shut up,” you reprimanded and pulled him for another kiss.

Matt hummed delightfully, more than happy to indulge.

======

note (2): the ‘are we in love with each other?’ line was inspired by this life-changing scene from my favorite rom-com ‘sleeping with other people’.

[peachblossomss]

Hearth- a Naruto Fanfic (CH 2)

Hi, I don’t own Naruto or any of the characters in this story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13035782/2/Hearth

Two

SASU

“Strip down here.” Sakura ordered. From my place just inside her household door, I could not help but immediately halt. I could feel my jaw drop. Sighing and quickly looking away, she elaborated. “Sasuke. You look like shit. You are a mess. You’re full of mud, stinky, and to top it all off, I just cleaned my house last night. So please. Take off those filthy rags, and I’ll show you to your room.” The tips of her ears were dusted in a light rose, as were her cheeks. Was it because she was upset, or because of the implications that her telling me to strip could provoke, had she not elaborated? “I’m sure all your clothes are dirty, I think I might have something sitting around that’ll fit you…” she trailed off, or I stopped listening. “Hn.” was all I could manage to say. If I opened my mouth further, I could not guarantee that I wouldn't be harsh with her. Who’s clothing would I be wearing what man would she-, no, what man would DARE to stay in her home? Her home is off limits. Sakura is off limits. I would have to have a little chat with whoever decided to stay here. I’ll have to somehow get her to tell me who was here last. Almost as if she was reading my mind, the next words out of her mouth answered my questions.

“...Naruto was here about a week or so ago” she smiled slightly, and my previous rage and determination to beat the man who stayed in her home to a pulp was slightly forgotten. The dobe was in for a beating. Didn’t he have his own place to stay?? More importantly, I was stuck wondering about the fact that her small, wistful smile affected me so much. Gods, what is happening to me? Tuning back in from my inner ramblings, she continued on with her little anecdote. “Hinata had just left for a diplomatic mission to Suna, and he claimed the “house was too empty without her warmth”, and he didn’t want to stay there alone...he was soo mopey. It was kind of cute, actually.” She giggled, and with that, it was back to Serious Sakura. “Leave your pack by the door, I’ll get your laundry started. You know where the bathroom is. There should be towels and washcloths in the cabinet next to the sink. Your room is the first left in the hallway, there’s fresh linens and everything. I’ll leave Naruto’s clothes outside of the door, for when you’re done. After that, we’re having tea. Did you eat already? Well...we don’t have to have tea, I’m sure you’re tired and all, since you’ve been travelling so long…” She trailed off, looking slightly unsure. The entire time she was talking, I was just staring. It was quite amusing, how quick she could go from rambling about Naruto, to bossing me around like a wife would to her husband, to being shy and unsure. I didn’t like that Sakura, the one without confidence. It reminded me of the times in which I had made her think she was anything less than strong and important. I didn’t understand what she could be unsure about, though. Of course I want to spend time with her.

Without a thought, I found myself raising my hand to poke her forehead. “Sakura...thank you”. As I walked away, I wasn’t sure if i could hear a slight gasp, or if it was just my imagination hoping so. On my way down the hall to the bathroom, I stopped in front of the room that was to be mine for the next couple of days/weeks/months. How many men has she helped? Does she boss them around like she did with me? Does she demand that they have tea together, and then become shy after? Does she was their laundry as well?  I hoped these small little things were only for me, but I could not be mad at her if they werent. Sakura is a caring and affectionate person by nature, and she would never turn down a comrade in need of help.

SAKU

It was hard to believe that Sasuke was here in the flesh, I mean, he had been gone only for 5-ish months, but he never told me when he would be back, or really if he planned on coming back. It crushed me. When he left, he did say he would take me with him next time he came to the village, however, he was extremely vague on when that would be. Knowing him, it could have been years before he returned. Then again, he proved me wrong by returning here. On top of that he returned to me before seeing anyone else. Why did he come to my house rather than seeing Kakashi sensei? Perhaps he needed healing of some form.

 “Sakura.” a deep voice broke my internal musings, making me drop the mug I was grabbing from the cupboard.

“OH! Sasuke, I didn’t realize you were already out of the shower, what kind of tea would you like? I have camomile with lavender, irish breakfast tea, or jasmine. I can run out and get a different kind if none of these are to your liking…” UGH why does this always happen to me around him? I am always a nervous blubbering fool and it drives me crazy. He must think I’m insane.

“Tch, you’re a kunoichi, you should be more aware of your surroundings, Sakura. Camomile is fine.” Sasuke reprimanded as he walked further into my tiny little alcove of a kitchen.

“Are you sure? I know you like matcha the best. I’m fresh out, actually….” Nervously I began rummaging through my fridge. “As for food, I have some rice, some fruits, and I know for a fact that I have some dried cuttlefish somewhere. Are you hungry, Sasuke-kun? I don’t have much- today is my grocery day.”

“...Sakura, how can such a renowned healer only have leftover rice and dried fish in her house? We’ll go shopping. At the very least, I can cook in return for your letting me stay here.”  

I couldn't help but stop dead in my tracks. Not only was he teasingly reprimanding me, but he also was offering to cook for me, too? Run my errands with me? Before I even had time to respond, I felt Sasuke’s presence right behind me. “Annoying girl, do you even eat?” Leaning over my crouched form into my fridge he picked up an old soggy looking stalk of celery and tossed it on the kitchen counter. “Lets go, we’ll go shopping now.”

In a sudden bit of clarity, I could only see two issues with our little outing. “Sasuke-kun, what about letting Kakashi know you’re here? And Naruto? If he finds out from someone that you’re here, he won’t shut up for daaaays. I mean it! When I left for a mission without saying goodbye he cold shouldered me for two weeks after I got back. Of course, he came burling into my house the moment I returned. I suspect he just wanted to know I was okay.” I said with a light giggle. “He then turned up his nose and stormed out of the door he just threw open. Didn’t even say a word!!”

“Hn. The dobe can come to me if he has an issue with my being here. I’m not his boyfriend. I don’t have to come to him right away any time I step foot in this village. As for the old man, I suppose we’ll stop on the way to the market. The guards probably told him I’m back the thirty seconds after I stepped through the gates.”

In the short hour and a half that Sasuke has been back, I’ve noticed a change in him. What happened in those months he was gone? I can almost feel the lighter aura coming from him, when once, in his presence, all I could feel was his self loathing and bitterness towards the world. Maybe he found love on his travels? Oh my god...maybe he has a girlfriend and she’s helping him restore the clan? Or maybe he found out he is terminally ill and decided to live his life to the fullest??? One thing I know for certain, I would not take this new, lighter Sasuke for granted. I mean, for the most part he has always been more open with me, but today, it’s like he has let down all of his walls with me. A slight poke on my arm snapped me out of my ramblings. “Sakura, what’s going on with you today? You’re out of it. You should see Tsunade.”

“I’m fine, Sasuke-kun. I guess I’m still processing the fact that you’re, well, here. I expected you to be away much longer than this...I missed you.” I said, gathering my cardigan, wallet, and my keys. We should get a move on, the market will be getting busier this time of day, and we want the best options. Tally-ho!!” And with that, I grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of my little slice of heaven and into the bright midday sun of a calm Spring day. Instead of taking his hand out of my grasp like I expected him to, he grabbed my own and gave it a light squeeze before dropping it to my side. The blush that adorned my face was out of my control. Why is it that the simplest gestures caused me to spiral into a mess of emotions? We walked lazily to the Hokage tower, soaking in the first real day of sunshine and temperatures above 45° that Konoha has seen in about three months. Sasuke’s shoulder would occasionally brush mine as we avoided the bustling citizens wandering the streets. It might have been because Sasuke was here at my side,walking close enough that our hands were touching, but I felt as though everyone and their mother was out today, and they were all staring at us.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The trip to see Kakashi-sensei wasn’t as momentous as I had thought it would be. As Sasuke said, Kakashi already knew of his return.

“Ah Sakura! My favorite student! To what do I owe this visit?! And Sasuke too?” His eyes crinkled up above his ever present face mask. “Is there some love advice you two are in need of? I can lend you a copy of my Icha Icha books!”

With a glint in my eye I was about ready to throw one of the many stacks of papers on his desk to the ground. “Actually, Sensei,” I said with a sarcastic sneer, “Sasuke just stopped by to let you know he has returned to the village for the time being.”

“Ah yes, I knew the minute he walked past the gates. As you know, we just got new and improved security systems that can help detect chakra signatures from 5 miles away!! Although I am happy to see you two...I was getting a bit bored with all the paperwork here. Heh. Are you sure you don’t need those books? Could you maybe tell Shizune that you need them anyway? If you don’t I can take them off your hands...please? Sakura, my favorite! I need just a tiny tiny break from all of this dreadful Hokage business, and she’s taken that one escape away from me! She trusts you! She’d tell you where she’s hidden them in a heartbeat!”

“Sasuke,” I whispered, “We need to leave. Now. It’ll only get worse from here…”

“Some Hokage you are, old man. Lets go, Sakura.”

“No! Don’t go! Unless...are you going to get my books?!?!”

As we quickly made our way out of the Hokage Tower I made sure to stop by Shizune’s office.

“He’s getting worse, Shizune. He’s up to his neck in paperwork. Maybe offer Icha Icha Paradise as a reward for getting some of his work done?”

“Sakura! Sasuke-san! Was it that bad? When I left him about twenty minutes ago he was doing alright….” The poor girl...she got stuck with two Hokages who hated paperwork. One who had a drinking problem, and the newest one who had an addiction to his porn books. I could see the wrinkles from stress forming on her forehead. I sure dodged a bullet with that one, as Kakashi asked me to be his assistant when he first got elected into office.

“Yeah, Shizune, it was that bad. Anyway, we’re off. Lots of things to do, places to be, horny Hokages to avoid….you know, the usual!” with that I dragged a stunned Sasuke out of the doors and into the crowded streets. Sasuke stopped in his tracks, and stared at me with wide onyx eyes.

“What the fuck just happened?”

“Honestly Sasuke, I’m not too sure myself. He’s usually not this bad. Shizune always takes his books away for a little bit to try to goad him into working. He sets up elaborate schemes to get them from her. It kinda feels like we stepped into an alternate dimension for a bit, right?” I said, tiredly. “Let’s get to the market. I could really use a quick cup of coffee and maybe a light snack while we shop. And to forget about whatever that was.

SASU

As we walked through the village together, I couldn’t help but glance at the pink haired girl--no, woman, next to me. The years have been kind to her, and although we are still young, we have all been through so much. The young woman next to me is far different from the girl I knew before I left. Once upon a time, she was a tall, gangly little thing with bright green eyes, and a forehead too big for her face. Now, at almost 20, she’s grown into that forehead, her eyes still that bright, spring green despite all that she has seen.

“Sakura, you’re short.” I stated. She used to be taller than me. Now, she only comes up to my neck.

With widened eyes and a flustered expression, Sakura responded a little too quickly to hide her shock at my observation.  “Wha?! No I’m not! I’m average height, thank you very much! You-you’re too tall!”

“Hn.” I said, looking away. “It’s cute though..” I muttered into the breeze without a thought. I could feel the tips of my ears burning. Why is it that these thoughts come so easily to my brain? With a sigh, I couldn't help but wish that I was able to suppress them more.

“HUH? What was that Sasuke-kun? Do you care to repeat it? I am not short! Hey! Are you listening to me?”

“Sakura. Shut up.” I said, ruffling her hair, a slight smirk forming at the corners of my mouth. With a pout, she stomped off in the direction of the coffee shop closest to the market. “Annoying” I muttered to myself more than anyone. With a headstart to the little cafe ahead of us, I had to jog a bit to catch up. The place must have been newly built after Pein’s invasion. As the old Konoha had hardly any cafes. The only one being an old teahouse that hardly had any visitors. This place, however, had a new, yet homey feel to it, with large glass windows allowing the bright sun in, little tables inside of a delicate white fence surrounding the small patio, and green plants hanging everywhere. I could see Sakura spending her time here when she wasn’t working at the hospital, training, or reining in Naruto’s crazy antics.

I just got to her in time for us to order our drinks. Sakura ordering a chai tea with extra cinnamon, and a raspberry danish was no surprise to me. The girl had an insatiable sweet tooth, which was one thing that never changed throughout our childhood.

“Sasuke-kun, did you want anything? My treat!” Her previous annoyance with me seemed to be forgotten.

“I’ll take an iced coffee, no sugar, and room for cream. I’ll find us somewhere to sit.”

“Hm, okay! Somewhere by a window, please!”

For some reason, I felt light today. The biggest part due to Sakura’s presence. She made me feel calm, despite all of the worries floating in my head. I knew the moment I decided to come back to the village that I would ask her to leave with me, but I didn’t know how she would answer. Perhaps she has decided that she’s needed in the village, working at the hospital. She mentioned, one brisque fall evening before I left, that she wanted to open up a mental health ward for orphaned children. It was one of those nights where I found myself unable to leave her presence, although I couldn’t place why. Now, after months of being away I could finally realize it. Her presence was something I could no longer be without for more than necessary. Her smile was something I wished to see every day. The way she blushed and looked away smiling when she caught me staring, like just now, was something that comforted me on my travels. Sakura Haruno had loved me for a long time. I came to realize I’ve loved her just as long. The avenger in me shoved those feelings so far into the recesses of my soul for most of my life. The darkness shrouded so much love from my precious people, and I was blinded. Sakura deserves better than me, but I made an unspoken promise to her, and to myself that day five months ago. I promised to be a man worthy of the love she has curated for years. To be worthy of her. However, that didn't stop me from wondering, did she still want to travel with me? Did she still love me the way she did, all those years ago? My mind was heavy with the thoughts that she may not want that, or me, any longer. After all, I have left her behind so many times before.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Sasuke-kun!! What should we make for lunch? I was thinking some sukiyaki? Or we could keep it simple and do miso soup and rice?”

“Sukiyaki sounds nice, lets go check Mr. Yuashi’s stand for the vegetables. He always has the best selection.”

  “Ah, Sasuke, he’s in the hospital currently...nothing to serious! Just a simple case of pneumonia...but I don’t think his wife was able to run the stand alone. Mrs. Uzuko however, has a nice stand as well. She grows all of her vegetables in a little garden outside of the village! That’s where I usually get your tomatoes from. She actually gave me a small cherry tomato plant since I was constantly buying them.”

“Hn, let’s go there then. It seems as though more is changing in the village since i’ve been gone. What else is new, besides the coffee shop?”

“Well, since the war ended, we were able to hire contractors from other villages to help us get back on our feet after the invasion. Beforehand, we didn’t have the manpower to spare anyone for those projects, and we couldn't ask anyone from other smaller villages for help, since they were all trying to stay safe from Madara and all that was happening. There has been an influx of small shops opening up now since we have more space. It’s been really cool, actually. Civilians from other villages have been moving here to try and expand their businesses, and it’s greatly improved our trade with different nations. Just recently, I found a new plant shop that opened up near the old Uchiha district. His name is Sechi and he’s from Suna. Oh my gods, Sasuke! He has some amazing herbs and plants that can only grow in the hot desert environment! I made a really cool salve that can help with sunstroke. The leafs can also be used to cure vomiting and heartburn. He also-sorry, am I rambling? I’m rambling. Anyway, the village always seems to be growing these days. It makes me happy.”

Sakura could talk for hours, and when that used to annoy me, I now found myself being pulled in by every word she said. I realized I hadn’t said anything since she stopped talking 45 seconds ago. She would probably take that as me not wanting to talk, solidifying her thought that I would presumably be annoyed by her ramblings. “The relationships between Hidden Villages and smaller ones alike seem to be strengthening. Change within the shinobi world is changing. That gives me hope. Thank you, Sakura, for telling me.I would like to see that shop sometime, but for now... Let’s get our ingredients and go home, I’m getting hungry.” With that, I grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the small line in front of the produce stand so we could finally get back to the solace of her small apartment.

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SAKU

Never in my life did I expect Sasuke to be such a proficient chef. The minute we arrived back to my house, he was a tornado of efficiency in the kitchen. Somehow, he managed to find everything he needed without any help.

“Is there anything I can help with?”

“No.”

“Not even cutting the vegetables?”

“No, Sakura, just go do whatever. I’ll call you when the food is ready.”

. . .

“Actually, do you have any sake? I didn’t see any in your cabinets. That would go well with this dish.”

“Hah! You’re really asking me, the Fifth Hokage's apprentice, if I have any sake? Of course I do! You don’t train under Tsunade-shishou and not learn to have sake on deck, just in case. That woman would tear my house apart looking for some if Shizune even took it away from her for more than two days.”

“Off you go, then.”

With that, I was dismissed from the kitchen. Sasuke really seemed different, like there was a burden lifted off his chest. My earlier thought of him having a woman outside of the village floated through my mind, but I decided that he wouldn’t have held my hand earlier if he had someone else. I know with my heart that Sasuke is loyal to those he considers his precious people through and through. Although his past actions may contradict that, he isn’t leading a path of redemption for no reason. While Sasuke was busy cooking our lunch, I got to organizing a box of old pictures that my mother had dropped of the day before. As I was shuffling through them, I came across a picture of Team Seven in the Land of Waves. A picture I completely forgot taking. It was our first big mission, and we didn’t even know it at that point. It’s crazy how time has passed, how each of us has persevered against all odds. Although we don’t always get to see each other at the same time, what with Sasuke traveling, Naruto being with Hinata, and Kakashi being the Hokage, that family tie will forever be there. Those are my boys and they always will be. Lost in my reminiscing, I didn't hear Sasuke come up behind me until he was crouched down behind me, looking at the picture in my hand, his breath warm on my ear.

“We were such spring babies then. We had no clue how big of an opponent we would be facing with Zabuza and Haku. We didn’t know of the trails we would all have to face in the coming years.”

Gasping, I dropped the picture. “Geeze, Sasuke-kun, can’t you make some noise when you’re walking around?? But yeah, we had no clue then...I remember you being so unwilling to take that picture. Actually, this is the first time I’ve seen it. After that mission, I didn’t even bring my camera with me anymore. I completely forgot about it. My mom must have developed the pictures for me...I would have liked to have this when you were gone.”

“Why’s that?

“So I could look back on times that were simpler. Times when you were still here. I now understand why you left, however I still don’t think it was the right choice. Part of me is greatful, still. Without your leaving, I think I would have stayed stuck in my old ways. Relying on you and Naruto to protect me…”

“I’m sorry Sakura. You deserved better than that. But I’m glad you’re stronger because of it.The food is ready. Let’s go eat.” he said as he pulled on a lock of my hair. “It’s grown out a bit, I like it at this length. It suits you well.”

With a slight blush, I made to get up, but not before Sasuke held out his sole hand to help me up from my position on the floor.

“Thank you. For being here, and for making lunch. Sasuke...if you don’t mind me asking...how’d you cut the vegetables and tofu with one hand?”

“Simple, I summoned a hand made from my susanoo.”

“Sasuke-kun, you’re ridiculous. I would have helped, you know.”

“Hn. Too bad.” he said with the slight smile he’s only shown in my presence.

--

The food was better than I expected. Not only was he confident in the battle field, but he was in the kitchen as well. Was this man skilled in every aspect of life? My imagination got the best of me as I imagined coming home from a long day to a shirtless Sasuke, adorned with the lemon printed apron I keep hanging up in the kitchen, inviting me to the bedroom...in this fantasy, he cooked me a lavish breakfast in bed, and he was the dessert. The blush that covered my face was impossible to hide.

“Sakura, is everything alright? You’re flushed.”

“Ha! Haa..yeah, I’m fine! Must be the sake getting to me. Although I know how to handle my alcohol, it doesn’t stop me from getting blushed really easily!!!!!!” I lied through a sip of said sake. “This is amazing, Sasuke. Is there anything you can’t do?” I let my inner thought slip out, despite my wish to keep those thoughts strictly to myself. Perhaps the alcohol was getting to me more than usual.

“Hn, you’ll just have to find out.” Voiced the smirking Uchiha from behind his own cup of sake, the somehow deeper vibrato of his voice cascading across the table. What exactly that meant, I wasn’t sure of, and I couldn’t help the shiver of a n t i c i p a t i o n that went down my spine.

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AUTHORS NOTE:

Helllooo lovely readers! I hope you like the newest installment of Hearth. I’m sorry I’ve been inactive for so long! I am hoping to update more frequently, however I am a super busy person and this is more of a passtime for me. I’m trying to keep this as cannon as possible, so pleeeease let me know if the characters seem too OOC (especially Sasuke). I want to show that through his short time on his travels, he has begun to change. That doesn’t mean his demons are gone and he is no longer the brooding Sasuke we all know. ANYWHO, please review/like etc. Thank you all so much! ***Pls see the authors note on my ff.web page for more in depth info about when this takes place and such.*** 

[pikapeppa]

Fenris/f!Hawke: Five And One

Five times that Fenris took Hawke’s hand, and one time that he held it. (Also known as: my ham-fisted attempt to summarize the THREE YEARS between Act II and III into one relatively short chapter.)

For @dadrunkwriting . It’s a long one, folks (>7000 words). Sorry about this.

Read on AO3 instead: tinyurl.com/fenhawke2

****************

--One--

Hawke took a slow, deep breath, then handed the urn to Carver. “Here,” she said. “You can have the honours.”

Carver gingerly took the urn from her hands. He studied the fine porcelain receptacle for a moment before speaking. “I wish we could have buried her with Father,” he said softly. “And Bethany too.”

Fenris watched as Hawke took another deep breath, then smiled at her younger brother. “Don’t worry about that,” she said. “Mother float away on the wind and find them much more easily like this. And maybe some bits of her will go floating off to Orlais or Rivain or somewhere nice and exotic. She always did want to travel in style.”

Carver huffed. “Do you ever take anything seriously?”

She shrugged and gave him another devil-may-care grin. “Why bother? Life’s so short already.” She nodded at the edge of the cliff and waved her hand expansively at the calm waters of the Wounded Coast. “Go ahead. Send her off. Just… make sure the wind is blowing the right way first.”

Carver shot her an annoyed look, then opened the lid of the urn. After a moment’s hesitation, he released Leandra Amell’s ashes to the air.

The whole group watched in silence as the ashes drifted away into the wind, but Fenris studied Hawke from the corner of his eye. Her arms were wrapped around her middle, her customary grin replaced by a look of utter seriousness.

She held herself very still for a long moment. Then, with a heavy exhale, she loosened her arms and looked at Carver. “Come here, you big dummy,” she said, and she wrapped her arms around her brother’s shoulders in a tight hug.

Carver’s eyes widened with surprise for a moment, then he hugged her in return. Varric cleared his throat gruffly, and Sebastian squeezed his shoulder while Fenris pretended not to notice.

A moment later, Carver sighed and pressed his face against Hawke’s shoulder. “I wish….” he muttered, then trailed off into silence.

“I know,” Hawke said softly. She sniffed, then in a bright voice she said, “Keep on wishing, baby brother. Something will come true eventually. That’s how probability works, right?”

Anders chuckled. “Not quite,” he said gently, and Hawke shot him a little wink.

“I do wish you’d stop calling me ‘baby brother’,” Carver muttered.

Hawke laughed and squeezed him harder. “Best keep on wishing, because that’s not going to happen.”

Carver grunted. A few moments later, he extricated himself from Hawke’s arms and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. “Right. Well. The memorial reception is at your, er. It’s at the house tonight, right?”

“Yes, around sunset,” she confirmed. “And bring a date! It’s sure to be a smashing party.” She tilted her head. “You’re allowed to date, right? You’re not one of those boring celibate Templars, are you?”

Carver rolled his eyes and walked away. Hawke smirked at his departing back, then sighed and seated herself on the ground.

Varric slowly approached and patted her shoulder. “You okay, Hawke? You want a moment alone?”

She playfully wrinkled her nose at him. “Not a chance. Have you met me? Come sit with me, all of you.”

Fenris and the others seated themselves on the grass. An awkward, quiet moment later, Hawke spoke up. “So, Aveline. Any raunchy sex stories you want to share with us?”

Aveline’s face instantly turned beet red, and there was a ripple of laughter from the rest of the group as the Knight-Captain sputtered. “Hawke! I can’t - I’m not telling - that’s private!”

“That means a resounding yes,” Anders teased.

Hawke lifted her hands innocently. “I’m only asking because I’m jealous! I think you’re the only one in this sorry little group who’s getting lucky these days.” She raised her eyebrows pointedly at the others. “Merrill? Anders? Any juicy tales? I’m ignoring you, Sebastian, unless your own hand counts.” She tilted her head curiously. “Are Chantry brothers allowed to, you know. Say hello to their little Makers?”

Aveline wrinkled her nose in disgust, and Sebastian lifted his chin primly. “That’s none of your business,” he said, and Hawke mockingly blew him a kiss.

Anders turned to Merrill with a raised eyebrow. “Didn’t I see you poking around in some noble’s garden the other day, Merrill? A secret rendez-vous, maybe?”

Merrill blinked at him in bewilderment. “Secret… what? No! I was, um, picking flowers. For Varric?”

“They must have gotten lost along the way, Daisy, because I didn’t get them,” Varric drawled.

Fenris smirked as he listened to their banter. Hawke laughed along with the others and prodded the conversation forward with provoking statements, and Fenris was glad to see her looking so genuinely happy. It had been a hard two weeks while the city struggled to recover from the Qunari attack, and he’d noticed her becoming more and more withdrawn as they scurried from Darktown to Hightown trying to fulfill the myriad demands for the Champion’s help.

After some time, Hawke took a more passive role in the conversation, listening and laughing instead of talking. Her smile was more wistful than cheeky now, and Fenris quietly studied the shifting hint of melancholy under her smile.

Suddenly she turned to look at him. “You’re awfully quiet,” she remarked. “No snark tonight from my favourite brooding warrior?”

“Oh,” he said, caught off guard by her attention. “I was simply…” He couldn’t say he was worrying about her. That would invite too much teasing from their insufferably nosy friends. “I was wondering if we should head back to Kirkwall,” he said instead. “It’s… is it getting late?”

Her eyes widened. “Shit, maybe,” she said, and glanced at the sky. “You’re right, we should go.”

The others started to gather themselves and rise, and Hawke smiled at Fenris. “Handsome and punctual,” she purred. “What would I do without you?”  

“You would be late all the time. Your tardiness would get worse and worse until your days and nights reversed,” he drawled. He pushed himself to his feet, then offered his hand.

Hawke’s smile widened as she took his outstretched hand. He wrapped his fingers strongly around her own and helped her rise.

Once she was on her feet, she held his fingers for a moment longer. “Thank you,” she murmured.

He gazed into her clear coppery eyes. They were warm and deep and still just a little bit sad.

“You’re welcome,” he said. Then he released her hand.

--Two--

“Cheers,” Varric said, and clinked his flagon against Hawke’s tumbler and Fenris’s glass. “To the Champion.”

Hawke squinched up her face as though she smelled something bad. “Must you?” she complained. “I hate that bloody title. I’d rather be called the Most Boring Mage in Kirkwall than the Champion.” She took a hearty gulp from her drink.

Fenris subtly pushed the bowl of roasted nuts toward her. She took one and popped it in her mouth, then chewed noisily as she continued to ramble. “Honestly, they make it sound like I’m doing all this interesting stuff on my own, when all of you are with me constantly. I never do any of this stuff by myself. What about you?” She gestured at Fenris. “The Broody Champion of Kirkwall who speaks Qunari. I much prefer the sound of that. Let’s face it, you’re the only reason the Arishok thought I was worth talking to in the first place. Or you.” She pointed accusingly at Varric, then began counting on her fingers. “Kirkwall’s smartest man. Knows everyone. Has a one-of-a-kind crossbow. Why isn’t anyone paying attention to you?”

“I am an elf, and he is a dwarf,” Fenris said flatly.

Hawke stared at him for a moment, then her eyes widened. “Andraste’s tit. It is racism, isn’t it?” She shook her head and sat back in her chair, looking as though she’d had a life-changing revelation. “Racism,” she said wonderingly. “Well, that’s some complete nugshit. We should go set that straight immediately so they’ll all start paying attention to you two instead. Then I can go home and relax.”

Varric snickered and folded his arms. “Very altruistic of you, Hawke.”

She grinned at him and lifted her brandy to her lips. “Hey, I never claimed to be an altruist. I mean, I’m no Isabela, but I’m also no Grand Divine What’s-Her-Name.”

There was a very brief and awkward pause at the mention of the absent pirate. Then Fenris shifted in his seat. “In all fairness, you defeated the Arishok entirely on your own,” he said. “That is a feat worth remembering. An apostate mage acting with the strength of a warrior.”

Varric widened his eyes. “Wow, elf. That’s almost poetic. Can I borrow that phrase?”

“That was one time!” Hawke interrupted indignantly. “One big fancy fight one time, and that was months ago. And still they’re expecting me to help them with every little thing. ‘Oh Champion, save my daughter from blood mages.’ ‘Oh Champion, save my son from the crazy Templars.’ ‘Oh Champion, make sure the Qunari never ever bother us again.’ I just…” She drained the last of her brandy, then grinned at Fenris and Varric. “Why people think I can keep them safe is beyond me. Has everyone forgotten what a disaster I am? Gorgeous and sexy, sure, but a total disaster.”

Fenris went still with his glass halfway to his lips. He knew where she was going with this.

She kicked her feet up on Varric’s table as she continued to talk. “I mean, let’s look at the catalogue of evidence. My sister’s dead. My mother’s dead. My brother’s off with the Templars fighting his own shadow one second and abominations the next. Isabela’s run off to do who-knows-what. And I’m just…” She trailed off, then slid her feet back down to the ground and leaned her elbows on the table, her face suddenly bright and alert. “I have an idea. We should set up cots for Merrill and Anders in Aveline’s office.”

Fenris frowned at the non-sequitur, and Varric raised his eyebrows. “Why?” he asked.

“To keep them safe, obviously!” she chirped. “They’re both going to do something stupid. I just know it. I can feel it in my bones,” she said, with a dramatic lifting of her hands. “I can’t save them from themselves, but Aveline can. It’ll be like daycare!”

“Or you could send them to the Circle,” Fenris suggested. He knew he shouldn’t say it, but it was begging to be said.

Varric grimaced as Hawke spun toward Fenris. “Never,” she said, swiftly and vehemently. “That will never happen. My family always stays free.” She stared at him for a moment longer, then smiled slightly. “That’s like a Hawke family motto.” She winked at Varric. “You can quote me on that.”

Fenris quashed his scathing reply as he studied her lovely face. She was grinning again as she settled back in her chair and teased Varric about the attention he’d been getting from a group of girls who frequented the tavern, but Fenris could see her conflict as clearly as if it was painted on her face.

He knew she still blamed herself in part for everything that had happened to her family, and it was clear now that she would blame herself if anything adverse became of anyone else in their little group.

An hour and two more drinks later, Hawke’s eyelids were drooping shut as she described one of Merrill’s more disastrous recipes to them. “... I don’t think she was supposed to include the roots in the pie, but… well, there they were. Extra ruffage, I guess. It still tasted quite good.” She yawned widely, then laid her head on her folded forearms.

Fenris stood from the table. “Come on, Hawke. I will walk you home.”

She lifted her head from her arms and smiled lazily at him. “Will you carry me like you did that one time?”

Fenris looked at her in surprise. He wasn’t aware that she remembered the time he’d carried her to bed; she’d been even drunker than this at the time.

He glanced furtively at Varric, only to find the dwarf smirking knowingly at him. He scowled, then returned his attention to Hawke. “Not here,” he muttered. “Not unless you really can’t walk-”

Hawke rose to her feet, then pretended to fall down. “Oh no, Fenris, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” she said dramatically. “Please, O Strong and Handsome Warrior, lift me up!”

Varric chuckled. “She’s going to regret this tomorrow. I’m definitely putting it in the book.”

Fenris raised one eyebrow. “I implore you, don’t.” He offered Hawke his hand.

She reached up and grasped his fingers, then stumbled and fell against his chest as she rose to her feet. Fenris hastily grasped her elbow to steady her, then carefully stepped away from the heat of her body.

She hooked her hand firmly around his arm, then dragged him over to Varric’s side so she could kiss the dwarf on the forehead. “Goodnight, my favourite friend,” she slurred.

Varric chuckled and patted her on the elbow as she swung away. “‘Night, Champion.”

Hawke groaned. “I take it back. You’re my worst enemy.” She waved lazily to Varric, then pulled Fenris toward the stairs by his entrapped arm.

He allowed her to drag him along; she needed the equilibrium that his steadier feet could provide. She was half-asleep by the time they made it halfway to Hightown, and Fenris carefully hefted her into his arms.

She wrapped one arm around his neck, and he tried to ignore the shiver of warmth down his spine when her uninhibited fingers toyed with the hair at the back of his neck. “Thanks, Fenris,” she muttered, then fell unconscious in his arms.

He swallowed hard. “You’re welcome,” he whispered to her sleeping form. Then he carried her the rest of the way home.

--Three--

“Fenris, what’s on your mind?”

“Hmm?” he said absently. He turned around to look at Hawke.

She continued up the steep mountain path until she drew level with him. “You’ve been extra broody today,” she panted. “Is something wrong?”

“Something more than the usual grump, you mean?” Merrill chirped as she pranced past.

He scowled at the Dalish mage, then turned back to Hawke. In truth, he was preoccupied; he’d finally found some reliable contacts in Qarinus, informants who could fact-check the information that Hadriana had fed to him, and he was anxious at the very thought of hearing back from them. It would be months before he heard a word - his instructions had just left by messenger this morning - but Fenris was already impatient for news.

Hawke didn’t need to know that, however. He didn’t want to tell her about all of this until he had more concrete information. She’d only want to help him, and this was something he had to do himself.

“I am fine,” he assured her. Then he gestured for her to precede him on the path up to Sundermount’s peak.

“You sure?” Hawke said. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do. Especially if it involves a prank. Things have been so boring lately with all the helping and the good deeds.” She raised her eyebrows invitingly. “We could steal someone’s pants. Or replace their hair tonic with depilatory cream, something like that.”

He smirked. “Tempting as that sounds, I shall decline for now.” He jerked his chin at Merrill’s back. “Best catch up to her before she falls into a rabbit hole.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “On second thought, never mind. Let’s return to Kirkwall.”

Hawke tutted and shoved his arm. “You are horrible,” she informed him, then continued up the path in Merrill’s wake.

Fenris shrugged unconcernedly, then followed her along the poorly maintained path, picking his way over rubble and broken rocks and slimy puddles.

Suddenly Hawke tripped, hitting the ground hard on her hands. “Fuck!” she exclaimed. She flexed her ankle and hissed with discomfort, and Fenris crouched at her side.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

She pursed her lips with annoyance. “Rynne Hawke, the Champion of Beauty and Grace,” she muttered. She shook her head. “I’m fine. Just a twisted ankle.”

Fenris rose and offered her his hand. She reached up and took his fingers, then grasped his hand for a moment longer as she whispered a quiet word, and a cool green glow shimmered over her ankle.

She flexed the ankle experimentally, then smiled up at him. “Thank you, my gallant warrior,” she purred.

He smirked at her playful tone, then shrugged and released her hand. “I did nothing. You healed yourself.”

Hawke planted her fist on her hip. “Fenris, haven’t you learned anything from those stories you’ve been reading? Nothing heals a girl more quickly than the touch of a big, strong, handsome man.” She laughed as Merrill hurried back down the path to meet them.

“What’s happened?” she asked. Then she looked between Hawke and Fenris. “Oh Elgar’nan. Am I interrupting?”

“Not at all,” Hawke said cheerfully. She winked at Fenris, then stepped over the pit in the ground that had tripped her and continued her way up the mountain.

Merrill giggled.

Fenris frowned at her, alarmed by how smug she looked. “What?” he demanded.

She beamed at him. “You’re in love,” she crooned.

Fenris scowled more deeply. She wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of hearing it. “I am not,” he lied, then stepped around her and continued in Hawke’s wake.

Merrill trotted after him. “You keep looking at Hawke with sad puppy eyes every time her back is turned,” she chirped.

“There are no puppy eyes,” Fenris snarled, but Merrill was undaunted by his wrath.

“It’s all right, you know,” she said, with an annoying degree of calm. “Even you can be happy once in a while. It won’t kill you.” She blinked innocently. “But your face might crack if you smile, so be careful.”

He clenched his jaw, then vaulted up the path to escape her. Merrill was a fool, and she didn’t know anything about him.

Fenris couldn’t be happy, not yet. He had to be reunited with his sister first. He had to learn everything she could tell him about his past.

He drew level with Hawke, and she smiled sweetly at him as he joined her. “I’ve been considering the matter, and I really think we should do a prank tonight,” she announced. “Let’s pick on Varric! It’ll have to be something good if we want to get him.” She gazed pleadingly at him. “Please?”

He studied her beautiful cheeky face, then sighed. “All right, fine. But I bear no responsibility if it goes terribly wrong.”

She grinned wickedly. “Good,” she said with relish. “That means I’ll get all the credit if it goes terribly right.”

He smiled and shook his head as they made their way up the mountain.

He couldn't be happy, not yet.

But maybe someday.

--Four--

Fenris wandered into Hawke’s foyer, then nodded his thanks to Orana as she directed him upstairs. He continued to ponder his dilemma as he made his way up the stairs.

He needed more coin to pay his sources in Qarinus. Thus far, he’d been paying his contacts with his savings from the jobs he did with Hawke and the others, but it was looking like he’d have to pick up some extra jobs in the evenings during the times when he wasn’t with Hawke.

He was slightly bitter about it. Not about the extra work per se; finding his sister was the first priority, and the extra jobs were necessary to save the coin his informants needed to track her down.

If he was totally honest, his bitterness stemmed from the fact that the extra jobs would mean less free time to spend with Hawke.

It was a selfish concern. What really mattered was discovering where his sister was and if she was safe. He saw Hawke every damned day. He wouldn’t suffer if he saw her a bit less frequently.

Besides, it was probably for the best to find a bit of space. His longing for Hawke still made it difficult to be around her at times. It was probably best for him to be apart from her once in a while. Keep his head straight and his mind on his long-term goals.

And thus it was that he was mildly annoyed when a messenger showed up at his door requesting his presence at the Champion’s mansion. “At your leisure, no rush,” the messenger had said, and Fenris had heard Hawke’s voice in the words. He’d been halfway out the door at the time, planning to go ask around in Lowtown for leads to odd jobs and tasks. Instead, despite his stern and disciplined speeches to himself, here he was at Hawke’s door.

He scowled as he poked his head into her bedroom. “Hawke?” he grunted.

“You got here so soon! I’m in here,” she called, and Fenris frowned more deeply as he stepped into her bedroom and peered into the lavatory.

Hawke was sitting on a stool in front of the mirror with a razor in her hand, and her chestnut-brown hair was cut bluntly at her shoulders.

She turned to look at him as he drew close, then laughed. “Oh no. Is it that bad?” she said.

Fenris closed his mouth and shook his head. “Not… bad,” he said, semi-truthfully. “I am simply surprised. Why…?”

She shrugged. “I just wanted a change. I’ve been thinking about cutting it for a few months now. But I got this far,” she waved vaguely at herself, “and then I figured out that I, you know. Don’t know what I’m doing.”

Fenris folded his arms and leaned against the doorjamb. “And you thought it logical to send a messenger to fetch me?”

“Yep,” she said pertly. “You cut your own hair, don’t you?”

He nodded, and Hawke smiled. “Good,” she said. “Then you can teach me how to do it.”

He raised his eyebrows, then took a tentative step into the lavatory. “I have never taught anyone to cut their own hair before,” he said slowly.

“Well, anything you say can’t make this any worse,” she said cheerfully. “I was actually hoping for a haircut something like yours.”

His eyebrows rose even higher. “Like mine?”

“Yes, but shorter at the back and the sides. Can you help?”

He studied her head for a moment, then shrugged helplessly. “I suppose I can try.”

She beamed at him, and he shot her a half-smile before leaning against the wall behind her and folding his arms. “Start by cutting the lower part at the back. Closer to your neck.”

Hawke frowned uncertainly, then set the razor down and picked up a linen strip from the vanity and swiftly tied the bulk of her hair into a messy bun at her crown. Then she picked up the razor and reached behind her head, lifting a lock of hair and lowering the razor toward it. “Like this-?”

Fenris hastily reached out and grabbed her hand. “No,” he said. If she cut it there, she would have a bald spot. He carefully adjusted her hands, then released her. “Now cut,” he said.

She sliced with the razor, and a long dark lock of hair drifted to the floor. Fenris met her eyes in the mirror and nodded. “Go on,” he prompted.

She haphazardly gathered another handful of strands and lowered the razor toward it, and Fenris took her hands again adjusted them before allowing her to cut.

Eventually she adjusted her technique to cut the right length of hair, and Fenris leaned back against the wall again. He watched her in silence for some time until the bottom-most layer of hair was done. Then she pulled another layer of hair from her messy bun and started again.

Fenris wordlessly adjusted her fingers before letting her cut the first lock of hair. Once Hawke got into the groove with the second layer, she began to talk. “My mother used to cut my hair,” she said.

Fenris met her eyes in the mirror, but didn’t reply. The anniversary of Leandra’s death had been a week ago.

Hawke shot his reflection a small half-smile. “I used to wear my hair short, you know. When I was young. But when I got older, she said I should start wearing it long. It was prettier, according to her.” Hawke smirked. “I refused at first. But then it just got easier to grow it out than to listen to her little comments when I asked her to cut it for me.”

Fenris frowned slightly. “‘Little comments’?” he asked.

She huffed dismissively. “It was nothing, really. Just her way of saying she thought that proper ladies should have long hair.” She grinned and raised one mischievous eyebrow at him. “I’m no proper lady. But I couldn’t be bothered to argue about it.”

Fenris was silent for a long moment. When she’d finished cutting the second layer of her hair, he spoke. “Change is good,” he said quietly. “Even if it’s a return to something you used to… um… love.”

She met his eyes in the mirror. “Exactly,” she said softly.

Fenris stared at her, arrested by the seriousness of her face and the depth of her eyes.

He swallowed hard; his mouth was suddenly dry. He nodded his chin at her head. “I believe the next layer will bring you around to the sides of your head. Just, er, continue doing as you have done so far.”

Hawke nodded obediently, and she cut the third layer in silence as Fenris supervised her work.

Once she’d finished the layer, she lowered her hands to her lap with a sigh and rolled her neck from side to side. “My arms are getting sore,” she admitted with a rueful smile.

Fenris debated with himself for a moment, then held out his hand. “I’ll help. If you allow it.”

She stared at him, then smiled. “You’re kidding.”

He frowned and withdrew his hand. “Unless you don’t trust my-”

“No, no,” Hawke protested immediately, “that’s - please, go ahead! It’ll be far better if you do it. I should have asked you from the start.” She handed him the razor, then fluttered her eyelashes coyly at him. “A beautiful man handling my scalp? How could I say no to that?”

He rolled his eyes, and Hawke chuckled as Fenris began to slice her hair with brisk, smooth strokes of the razor.

It was odd, this. Cutting someone else’s hair. Fenris had never done it before, and his cutting of his own hair had been haphazard at best. It should have been easier to cut someone else’s hair, but Fenris found himself pausing quite a few times to make sure he wasn’t making a total mess of the dark-haired mage’s head.

During one pause, Hawke spoke again. “You know Isabela’s been gone for a year now?”

Her voice was light and casual, and Fenris grew still as he studied her profile. Her face looked as pleasant as ever.

He licked his lips. “Yes,” he said carefully.

Hawke was quiet for a long moment as Fenris continued to cut her hair. Then she spoke again. “She’ll be back. I’m sure of it. That tart can’t stay away forever.”

Her tone was confident, but her eyes were locked on his reflection, and Fenris finally met her eye. She wanted reassurance, he knew. She wanted him to tell her that Isabela would come back. That she hadn’t left Kirkwall permanently.

People die, and people leave, and that’s life, Hawke had once told him. But her pleading gaze on Fenris’s face told a different story.

She wanted him to tell her that Isabela wouldn’t be another person to leave forever.

He could reassure her. Isabela had told him that she’d return, after all. It wouldn’t be a lie or a stretch of the imagination.

But Fenris wasn’t certain. And Hawke deserved better than uncertainties and half-truths.

He returned his gaze to the razor in his hands. “It’s… hard to say,” he said finally. “She will likely return. But I couldn’t hazard a guess as to when.” He handed her the razor. “You can finish off the front yourself, I assume?”

Hawke nodded, and they were both quiet for a moment while she worked on her bangs. Then she sighed. “She is a flighty bitch, that one,” she said. She smiled wanly at him.

But Fenris met her gaze seriously. There was one thing he knew for certain. “If Isabela does return, it will be for you,” he told her.

The corner of her lips quirked briefly in a smile, and she returned her attention to her hair. A short while later, she placed the razor on her vanity and turned on her stool to look up at him. “How do I look?” she asked. She ruffled her now-short hair.

Her bangs were long and spiky, and they fell flirtatiously over one eyebrow. The short cut accentuated her cheekbones and allowed him to better admire the smooth lines of her neck and jaw.

It suited her perfectly. Fenris gazed at her with an aching appreciation for a long moment, then cleared his throat. “Beautiful,” he said. “But that is no different than always.”

She flushed, and Fenris smiled at the pinkness of her cheeks. She rose from the stool and gently punched his shoulder. “Very suave, mister,” she said playfully.

He bowed his head mockingly, and Hawke chuckled as he led the way from her lavatory back into her bedroom and then out into the hall.

He made for the stairs, but Hawke stopped him before he could descend. “Fenris.”

He turned to look askance at her, and she smiled. “Thank you,” she said.

He admired her lovely gamine hair. “You are very welcome,” he said.

--Five--

Fenris breathed slowly in through his nose, then exhaled. His eyes were calmly closed, and the Chantry sisters’ chanting was calming as well, but the feeling jumping in his chest was anything but calm.

Varania wasn’t in Qarinus.

The news had hit him like a punch in the stomach. So much coin he’d spent and so much time finding reliable sources in Qarinus, all just to learn that Varania had gone to Minrathous years ago…

My own fault, he thought angrily. He should have acted on Hadriana’s information earlier. If he had, he would have found Varania by now. But like an idiot, he’d done nothing for years, and she’d moved on.

Of course she did, because that’s what normal people do, he thought, with a fresh surge of fury at himself. As a consequence, he was back to square one.

He took another deep, calming breath. Then he was distracted by a soft snuffling laugh to his left.

He opened his eyes and frowned at Hawke, who was sitting on the pew beside him. “Quiet,” he muttered.

She bit her lip and nodded silently, then slowly dipped her hand into her bag of sunflower seeds.

Fenris raised his eyebrows at her, and she lifted her shoulders innocently. “What?” she mouthed silently. She carefully pulled her hand out of the bag of seeds.

Fenris watched as she lifted one seed and placed it delicately on the tip of her tongue. He tore his eyes away from her mouth, then gave her an exasperated look.

She smiled impishly, then jerked her chin to the left. Sebastian was standing there, and from the tension in his shoulders, Fenris could tell that Hawke had already hit him with at least one sunflower seed shell.

Fenris shot her a warning look. “Just be quiet,” he mouthed to her, and she nodded.

He closed his eyes again and inhaled, then reminded himself that the time he’d spent looking into Qarinus was not a total loss. One of his contacts was a merchant who travelled from Qarinus to Minrathous, so he could be relied upon again. And Fenris knew quite a few people in Minrathous, despite his lowly stature there. He’d been… unique, after all, and not easily forgotten. But that also made it difficult to stay incognito while making his inquiries. The last thing he wanted was for Danarius to interfere with his investigations and - Maker forbid - harm his sister before he could get her safely here.

Another soft snicker interrupted his thoughts, and Fenris opened his eyes and scowled. “Hawke, shut up,” he muttered.

“Sorry, sorry,” she whispered, but her face looked anything but sorry. “It’s just - please, Fenris, I know you’re trying to find peace, but you have to see this. You won’t regret it, I promise.” She reached for her bag of seeds again.

Fenris grabbed her hand. “Stop. You’re making too much noise. I cannot… think.”

She blinked at him with her bright bronze eyes. “Please,” she whispered. “Just watch this one time. Then I’ll leave if you want me to.”

He pursed his lips, then released her hand. “Fine. Just once,” he whispered severely.

She grinned, then pulled a seed from her bag and placed it on the tip of her tongue. She carefully chewed the seed with her front teeth, then shot a quick glance at Fenris.

He shrugged irritably, and Hawke turned back to face Sebastian. Then she spat the sunflower seed shell at him.

Her aim was unnervingly accurate: the shell hit him right on the back of the neck, and he twitched.

Instantly Fenris understood why she was laughing so much. It was the twitch. Sebastian was usually so calm and composed, but the twitch was completely erratic. To make the situation even more ludicrous, Sebastian was clearly trying to maintain his usual composure, but his shoulders were steadily creeping up toward his ears.

Fenris bit the inside of his cheek, but the words escaped him before he could stop himself. “You’re an idiot,” he muttered.

Hawke grinned at his long-unused pet phrase, an instantaneous and blinding expression of pure mischievous joy, and Fenris smiled helplessly back at her, unable to resist the lure of her uninhibited grin.

She pressed her knuckles to her mouth, her shoulders shaking as she laughed silently, then she sighed happily. “All right, I’ll go now,” she whispered. “Leave you to your prayers and all.”

She shifted as though to rise, but Fenris waved her back. “No,” he said softly. “It’s fine. Stay.”

She tilted her head, a tiny half-smile on her lips. “Are you sure? I’m being a disgusting brat, I know. You didn’t come here for this.”

Fenris shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said, and he meant it. In truth, he was actually feeling calmer now.

Hawke smiled and shrugged, and they both relaxed back on the pew.

After a moment of peaceful silence, Fenris raised one eyebrow at her. “Give me one of those seeds,” he said.

She grinned.

--One--

Fenris slipped through the Chantry doors and strode swiftly toward the rear of the grand building. He had one last errand to run after this, and then he was quite eager to find something to eat; the foolish dragonling hunt he’d been on that morning had dragged on longer than expected, and he hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

He headed up the left-hand staircase, intent on meeting the Chantry brother who’d ominously requested ‘a delivery-man who looks like he can handle himself’. But when he reached the top of the stairs, he stopped short.

Hawke? She was standing toward the back of the Chantry near the votive candle rack, and Fenris frowned, distracted from his task by the sight of her. It was odd for her to be here, and even odder to see her alone.

He approached her tentatively. When he was a few feet away, she turned and smiled. “Fenris!” she said happily.

He nodded a greeting. “What brings you here? Visiting Sebastian?” he asked.

She shook her head. “You just missed Carver,” she said. “I was about to leave myself. We just lit one of these candle things for Mother. Carver thought she’d like it. I’m of the mind she’d have preferred a silver candelabra, but that’s just me.” She shrugged and smiled, but her eyes were downcast.

Suddenly Fenris remembered: it was two years today since Leandra had died.

He winced. “I… apologize. I did not remember-”

Hawke waved her hand dismissively. “Ah, don’t apologize! Why would you remember? I wish I could forget sometimes. Coming here is such a bore.” She laughed lightly, then met his eyes. “What are you up to? A little prayer? A little seed-spitting?” She waggled her eyebrows.

Fenris smirked and shook his head. “Not today. I’m… delivering something,” he said vaguely. Hawke knew he’d been doing extra work in his spare time, but he hadn’t told her just how much. If she knew how much coin he needed to save, she would offer him money and she would want to know why he needed it, and Fenris was trying heartily to avoid both of those scenarios. For now, he’d allowed her to think he was trying to pay off some old gambling debts to the regulars at the Hanged Man.

Her face lit up with mischief. “Delivering something?” she asked. “What something?”

He bit back a smile. He could practically see the prank unfolding behind her eyes. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “But I will be taking it to the Gallows.”

If possible, her face lit up even more. “Oh my,” she drawled. “I do hope it’s something dirty. Especially since it’ll be you carrying it.” She lifted her eyes dreamily to the ceiling. “Handsome angry elf smuggles erotica from the Chantry to the Gallows. It’s like the premise for an amazing story.” She snickered.

Fenris shook his head in exasperation. “For my sake, I hope it is not that.”

She snickered again, then elbowed him playfully. “If it is erotica, make sure you say a loud ‘hello’ to Carver when you drop it off. That’ll be sure to make him some friends.”

Fenris huffed in acknowledgement. Then he gestured vaguely at the votive candles. “Was Carver, er…” He trailed off awkwardly, uncertain how to ask ‘was Carver an asshole today’ without it sounding extremely rude.

Fortunately, Hawke seemed to fill in his meaning. “He’s fine,” she said breezily. “He didn’t even make any thinly veiled comments about mages today! It was a nice change of pace.” She shot him a wry look. “He took off like a flock of pigeons when I made a joke, though. Too bad Bethany and I got all the humour genes in the family.”

Fenris glanced pointedly at the enormous sculpture of Andraste that stood in pride of place near the pulpit. “Was the joke about Andraste’s ample bosom?” he drawled.

Hawke’s eyes widened comically. “How did you guess?”

Fenris couldn’t help himself. He chuckled and folded his arms. “You’re insufferable.”

She sighed happily. “Thank you, thank you. I try.”

They smiled at each other for a moment, then Fenris forced his gaze back to the gentle flickering of the candles before them. He should really get moving and meet his Chantry contact, but he was reluctant to leave her side.

Then Hawke spoke. “Do you think I’ll have to come here every year to do this? Light a candle and remember her, I mean?”

Fenris looked at her. Her eyes were on the votives, and she was toying idly with her fingers.

When he didn’t reply, Hawke went on. “It’s not as though we can ever forget that she’s dead. Her or Father. Or Bethany.” She sighed heavily, then ran a hand through her short hair. Then she lifted her chin and smiled brightly at him. “I think we should have a party once a year to celebrate all of them. Not a soppy sad thing with the dirges and the wailing. A proper party to celebrate what they were like when they were alive.”

Her gaze was questioning, but Fenris could only shrug helplessly. He didn’t know the protocol for dealing with the death of a loved one. The only near-death he’d ever suffered was Hawke’s, and if she had died after the duel with the Arishok, Fenris certainly wouldn’t have felt like celebrating.

“It sounds… like an idea,” he said lamely.

Hawke grinned at his lackluster response. “You’d have a good time,” she insisted. “You’re fun at parties. You’re better at jokes than I am when you’ve had a few drinks.” Then she sighed and turned back to the votives. “Ah, who knows. I’ll think on it. I’m pretty sure I would never see Carver again if we didn’t both keep coming here for this.”

Fenris studied her seriously for a long moment. She was smiling still, smiling as she always was, but Fenris knew the pain that lived beneath the mask of her smile.

He thought hard for a moment. Then he slowly reached out and took her hand. He slid his fingers along her palm, then carefully interlaced his fingers with hers.

Her hand was cold. Fenris squeezed it gently, then took a deep breath in through his nose and lifted his gaze to her face.

Her eyes were wide, impossibly wide and clear and brilliant. They stared at each other in silence for a moment, then she smiled and squeezed his hand. “Be careful with this,” she whispered. “You might give a girl ideas.”

He didn’t smile. “Hawke,” he said, “you are…”

Everything, he thought. She was everything, pure and simple. She was the humour he’d been unable to find in the world. She was the mage who was both strong enough to fight with him and strong enough to resist the insidious lure of power. She was the only person he’d trusted to see his naked skin and to see beyond it, and she was the woman he hoped to trust again someday with his bare body.

Hope. She was hope and sadness and loyalty and vivacity and pain, and Fenris loved her more than he could say.

“You are worth standing beside,” he said, finally and truthfully. “It is my honour to be here at your side.” It wasn’t the entire truth, but it was all he could offer her until he was ready.

Her smile broadened, and she squeezed his hand again. “Right back at you,” she said softly.

He smiled. Then, very reluctantly, he released her hand. “I must make this delivery,” he said. “But… if you are interested… I could summon the others when I am done. We could have a late-night party.” He smirked wryly. “I’ll even fetch Anders and Merrill, if you insist on it.”

Her smile broadened even further, and she finally turned away from the votive candle rack. “That sounds perfect,” she said. She squeezed his arm gently. “Thank you, Fenris. Really.”

Fenris nodded, then forced himself to walk away and meet the contact for this blasted delivery job. He forced himself to think about the job at hand, and about the grumbling in his stomach.

He forced himself to think about anything except Hawke.

Soon, he reassured himself. His savings were accruing, and in another month or two he would have enough to pay for Varania to journey here and meet him, once his informants finally tracked her down.  

When Varania was safe, and when Fenris knew everything about his past, he would be able to tell Hawke all the things he felt -  all the things kept secret and scribbled on the scraps of parchment shoved under his bed.

When Fenris was whole, he would tell Hawke everything. And he would never have to walk away from her again.

[bastardnev]

Steal Your Heart Ch. 3

nev may be a loser, but he’s WADE’S loser

(crossposted from ao3)

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: World Wrestling Entertainment, Professional Wrestling Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Wade Barrett/Pac | Adrian Neville, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added Characters: Wade Barrett, Pac | Adrian Neville, Other Character Tags to Be Added Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Thieves Summary: Random happenings in the lives of Wade, a detective, and Neville, a thief who took a liking to him and decided to tag along with him during his investigations.

Wade let out an impatient sigh, resting his arm on the car window and propping his head up while his other hand gripped the steering wheel. No matter what state he went to -- be it back in New York or here in North Carolina -- he always found himself stuck in rush hour traffic. The rain that had been falling all afternoon certainly wasn't helping much either. I swear, it's like everyone forgets how to drive whenever it rains... Wade grumbled to himself, rolling his eyes when the person in the car behind him started repeatedly honking their horn. "Yes, because that's totally gonna fix everything!" Wade complained. "That's gonna get us out of this mess quicker."

"Ooh, you tell 'em, Wade," Neville chuckled from the passenger's seat, not looking up from his DS. Wade looked over and noticed that he was completely focused on the screen, his tongue poking out from between his lips as he did whatever the hell it was that he was doing.

Wade forced his gaze back on the road and was about to respond when the horn honked again and cut him off, and he leaned his head back against the seat, letting out a deep sigh. "The universe is actively working against me, I swear to God," he said, prompting another laugh from Neville. He knew that it was a bad idea to meet up with the��witnesses this late in the day -- when he knew that once they were finished it would be around 5 PM -- and yet he did it anyway. Had he proposed that they do it earlier or even on a day when the weather wasn't so poor, then this whole thing could have been completely avoided.

"Dammit, come on!" Neville huffed after having fallen silent again. "Just stay in the damn ball, you bastard..."

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to catch Lugia."

"Lugia? Nev, are you really playing Pokémon right now?" Wade snorted. "What are you, a child?"

"No, I'm not, but I do like to have fun, unlike you," Neville snapped back, pursing his lips and raising his eyebrows at Wade for a moment before going back to playing.

"Wow, okay," he scoffed. "I didn't realize that this was such a sensitive topic for you." Wade needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. The last thing he needed was an angry Neville -- if provoked, Neville might steal his wallet. Again.

"You should try playing it one of these days. I think you'd really like it."

"I've never really been much of a video game person. I'm all thumbs with controllers."

"I'm gonna name the next non-legendary that I catch after you. I'll raise you to level one hundred."

"I feel so honored," Wade replied sarcastically, watching as a raindrop slowly slid down from the top of the windshield. What he would give to be back at the hotel at that moment, warm and dry and not sitting in a car surrounded by so many impatient drivers...

"... God, and now I'm out of Ultra Balls!" Neville annoyedly switched the system off and shut it, setting it down on top of Wade's notepad, which was resting in his lap. "I'll try that again later. Lemme tell ya, catching legendary Pokémon is pretty much impossible. Their catch rate is so damn low... How am I supposed to complete the Pokédex when they make it so freaking difficult?"

"I'm gonna pretend like I understood what you just said," Wade replied. His eyes fell on the DS. "Y'know, Nev, I've been meaning to ask you: Where'd you get that thing, anyway?"

"This old thing?" Neville picked it back up, admiring it proudly. "Well, where do you think I got it from, Wade? Take a guess."

Wade thought for a second before he smirked. "You stole it, didn't you?"

"Correct!" Neville ran a hand over the top of it, his finger tracing along a small crack. "It was easily my most successful heist. You wouldn't believe the hours of entertainment I've gotten out of it. It doesn't owe me a damn thing."

Wade noticed that the traffic was slowly letting up, and he was able to move his car up, but it still seemed like they would be stuck there for a little while longer. Letting up or not, it was still bumper-to-bumper, which meant that the person in the car behind them was sure to start up with the horn again any second now... Wade knew that they needed to pass the time somehow, so he looked to Neville and asked, "Why don't you tell me about it? The heist, I mean. How'd you pull it off?"

"Oh my God, it was awesome, Wade. Literally no one saw it coming! I caught them all off guard." Neville suddenly grew incredibly animated, like he was thrilled that he was given the chance to talk about his thievery. Wade got the feeling that Neville probably didn't know many people who would listen to him ramble about his illegal activities, and the fact that Neville trusted him enough with this information made him smile.

"Well, go on now!" He encouraged him, motioning with his hands for him to continue. "No need for the suspense. Gimme the details. Where'd it take place?"

"It was in the hotel in Miami. Y'know, the one we met in?" Neville explained. "In addition to being murderous, the people that work there are really inattentive."

"As seen by the fact that no one noticed you were secretly staying there for months."

"Exactly! No one even batted an eyelash when I swiped this bad boy from the lost-and-found."

Wade's brow furrowed. "Wait, you got it from a lost-and-found?"

"Yeah! I was snooping around one night and found it sitting in there with a game and a charger. They were all dusty, like they'd been there for awhile before I found them. I figured that since no one else seemed interested in giving it the proper care that it deserves that I would take it for myself. None of the staff even knew that I dropped by." Neville grinned at the white DS, his tongue poking out from between his teeth. "So oblivious. I was so proud of myself afterwards."

Hold on a minute. Wade was confused. A lost-and-found is full of items that people lost, and in most cases no one ever drops by and claims them. In the end, it technically didn't matter who took the DS, be it Neville or the actual owner. Is he saying that the best heist he's ever pulled off was picking up a lost item? One that had been left behind for months that the owner probably forgot about?

The silence in the car was broken by the sound of the car horn going off again, and Neville was the one to let out a frustrated noise this time. "God, can't you just honk your horn back at him?" He reached towards the wheel.

"Hey, hey, we're not doing any of that today," Wade swatted his hand away. He drove the car up a little further, what Neville told him still at the forefront of his mind. If that was the biggest thing that Neville had ever done since becoming a thief, then did that mean that he wasn't much of a thief at all? No, there had to be more to it than that. There must be more that he's not telling him. "So that was how you stole the DS, huh?"

"Mmhmm. And I don't regret a thing."

"So what about some of your other heists? What's the next big thing that you've done?"

"Well..." Neville drew out the 'l' at bit his lip as he thought, clicking his tongue a few times. "There was this one thing I did recently at a store that I thought was pretty sweet."

"Ooh, alright." Wade liked the sound of that -- things could actually be stolen from a store. "What kind of a store was it? A jewelry store? Did you steal a bunch of diamonds?"

"No, it was a convenience store," Neville responded. "Took a bag of Skittles when the cashier wasn't looking. You wouldn't believe how little attention those people pay, especially when it's after dark."

"I... I see..." Wade knew just from experience how skilled Neville was at stealing. Had it not been for him and his abilities, the case in Miami would have taken much longer to solve since Wade would be working on his own. Neville has this talent, but he doesn't even use it properly... He acts like he's a big criminal, when really his biggest crime is just petty theft! Once again, Wade found it almost funny how he of all people was the one griping about Neville not committing any serious offenses.

After what felt like forever, the traffic was finally moving, and Wade hurriedly stepped on the gas pedal before the person in the car behind them exploded out of pure rage. It was once they were driving steadily that Neville asked, "You okay? You've been thinking for awhile."

"I'm fine," Wade replied. "Look, kid, I know I've told you this before, but... You are a very interesting person, you know that?"

"An interesting person, and an amazing thief." Neville grinned.

"Yeah, sure, you're amazing." Not too long after he said that, Wade heard the sound of the Pokémon game that Neville had been playing start up again. "You're giving it another shot?"

"I don't have a choice!" Neville tapped the stylus against the screen. "If I give up, then I'm just letting Lugia win. I can't have that!"

"Nev, it's only pixels."

"They're more than that! You would know if you actually played."

"Oh my God, you really are a child..." Wade breathed a sigh of relief when he saw their hotel, and he drove into the parking lot.

[anothergirlrecovering]

Dietician day 7

Peggy called me back and I put my stuff down and we went to weigh. She was like I’m so happy you’re eating with me! I waslike oh well I brought the cheese it’s and she got super excited and I was like well I knew if I didn’t ring them you’d be pissed and she was like no but this is all about establishing new patterns with food! . When she was weighing me she said to hang on before stepping on it because it had to re-calibrate because it had been moved and she said that she has a teenager who likes to wander and I laughed and said that I may or may not have been one of those people who definitely with them selves in the dietitians room when I was in IOP and she was like and you probably got away with it because it was a group and I was like I definitely did. She explained that the kids mom worries about what she’s doing wandering the halls when they are discussing things and I said that makes sense and I asked her if she had any RFID kids and I explained my scenario with my kid and she didn’t actually really have any feedback that we talked briefly for a few minutes about how that diagnosis and particular is lacking research and we don’t really know what to do with it yet. So then she asked how my week was and I immediately started to cry and she handed me a tissue and I explained that this has been literally the worst week and a half that I’ve had in years and I started to ramble and talk about the fights with my husband and not really having any support and feeling really alone and isolated and my brother using Coke and my mom‘s comments about needing a flat stomach and my parents going to plant-based part of the time and how I’m perpetually afraid of my husband separating if I don’t go to treatment and how I am perpetually just super anxious. She listened to me about everything and wrote things down and said that she’s trying to take everything in and then she started talking about residential treatment and how there’s no shame in me going inpatient and she thinks it would be helpful for me to take a break from work in every day life stress and really focus on myself and getting better she said she didn’t realize that I worked at the treatment center and that there’s more to life than working there and I was like I just can’t disappear for a month and she was like yes you absolutely can that’s literally why they have FMLA is for emergency scenarios and I was like everyone would know where I went and she was like is that reality or is that your eating disorder talking I was like I think that’s reality everybody would know if I disappeared for months without my phone that it means that I got sick and went to treatment and she was like no it wouldn’t there’s 1 million other scenarios that could be a family member being L that you’re taking care of it to be a medical issue and she was at a few others that I hadn’t actually thought of but she was like nobody has to know what’s going on and with me working at the treatment center she was like if anything they’re going to want you to go get help and take care of yourself and not try to do this on your own and I was like then they’re not gonna want me to come back and she was like why not and I was like because Britney is super against people sharing their stuff and she was like well I think that’s bull crap and everybody has their stuff and she’s lying if she doesn’t and I was like I mean she definitely does but she’s not talking about it or open about it and they’re very much I don’t share your history type of place. She was like is that even somewhere that you want to be working and I think I just kind of stared at her blankly because I was like I don’t now I mean realistically like not long-term but it’s our only option in our area and then I started ugly crying and saying that if I went residential I’d be disappearing for a month and that would mean my parents would know because why else would I disappear for literally a month they would have questions I need answers and they can’t know I don’t even know that I’m struggling and she was like maybe they should know and then I started crying harder and I was like they didn’t care the first time around they’re not gonna care this time around they’ve never cared they’re not going to suddenly care about any of this and I can’t let them know what’s going on. It was a lot of crying. She asked about behaviors and I said that I had gone running once and that I had and specified the amount I was eating in two of my snacks because I knew it wasn’t really enough and I was anxious about it. I did tell her that I am starting the CBD oil and I will see how that goes if that helps with any of this. She had to remind me to eat twice and I eat my lunch while we talked. She said that My insurance would cover residential treatment and I was like I’m not a low enough weight for that and she was like they don’t just look at low weights I promise I’ve done this for a while and I know the criteria and at this point you’ve got plenty of things that go with the low weight like the obsessive thoughts and the significant body dysmorphia and the calorie counting. I explained that I was like sincerely convinced that I had been gaining weight and that my scale was broken because my look in the mirror it really looks like I have gained weight and she was like well you really haven’t because my scale says you haven’t gained anything and I was like I mean I guess if both of our skills are saying the same thing then it’s not broken it just feels really true even though I know that it’s not. I explained that I had always told myself that if I ever relapsed then I would change careers because if I couldn’t get my shit together by the third time than it meant that I didn’t need to be a therapist because obviously I was too mentally ill and of course then I was ugly crying again. I said how much I think I would hate group therapy and how I already know all of the skills that they are going over and not to be cocky but I have done treatment more than once I mean three times now and I’m a therapist so it’s not like I don’t know what I need to be doing I’m just sucking and doing any of them and she pointed out that there’s always things to learn and she still feels like a group aspect would be beneficial. I was eating my cheese it’s and having a hard time with him and I said it’s just so much freaking food and she was like ecause your body isn’t used to it. She said that it’s not actually a lot of food and that she notices that I 10 to 5 or load and eat more fruits and vegetables than anything else.i explained h fear of the hunger never going away and that i will just gained a bunch of weight and she was like I just don’t think that will happen and she said that that has literally never happened and all of her work over the years with people with eating disorders where she told him to start eating and they literally never going to this hyper overdrive where they gain a ton of weight above and beyond and she was like the only time that ever seems to be somewhat of an issue is when people are residential treatment. She said that her role is to monitor my way in and she will make sure that that isn’t happening for me and she was like and honestly I know that you monitor your weight too so if it was happening you would know. She was like are you still weighing yourself and I was like yeah and she was like just as much and I was like yeah and she was like so you knew that you weren’t gaining weight and I was like well yeah but that’s where the whole being convinced that my scale was broken was a problem and she was like OK. I said that honestly part of it also upset me this week was sort of realizing that I think being sick is starting to catch up with my body and I explained that it’s like my hands can never get warm and I’ve had chest pain and my hair is falling out and it just sort of feels like everything is spiraling out of control at once. I said that things are a lot harder with my husband because he keeps asking about am I eating my meals and I eating my snacks and she was like well I think that’s actually a pretty good support then because you have some more accountability and I was like I’d much prefer you be the accountability person and she was like I can’t be with you for every single meal and I was like I know that but it’s so much less anxiety provoking to tell you things than it is to tell him because there’s so much on the line with him and I’m perpetually afraid of ruining everything. She explained that she thinks I can do this and she said to expect a meeting with her thoughts are going to get a lot louder now because we aren’t just poking the bear but we are actually kicking the bear in the ass and I was like a piggy I thought you didn’t curse and she was like arse and then she laughed and said that she curses when she wants to be cursing and she knows that I like cursing and I was like you don’t have to curse for me and she was like I know but sometimes I like to do it anyway and it’s fitting and I said OK. She explain the concept of add-ons and said that I need to have at least two more add-ons to my meal plan because she thinks that my body is using everything. She mentioned ice cream as an ad on and I asked her if she knew about the Friendly’s ice cream sundae and she didn’t and I said that they were awesome and she was basically describing then add on’s or literally anything high calorie and dense and I was like OK and I mentioned Oreos and she was like yeah those are perfect and I said that my husband had bought some recently and she said to eat four or five and I was like so these add-ons are on top of my meal plan and she was like yeah and this doesn’t mean that you need to start skin being in other areas and I just kind of sat there anxiously and she was like OK? And I was like OK. She asked what I was thinking and I said just that I was glad my husband wasn’t there because I feel like the whole conversation would have made him want to push me to go inpatient. I asked her if she had changed any of my other exchanges and she pulled it back out and was like no I don’t think I did and she was like I don’t think that you’re hitting all of them but I don’t think that you’re necessarily trying to leave out any specifically and I was like well I total of the numbers every day and I know that I am perpetually tend to not get enough starches and not get enough fats and she was like yeah and I was like but I have been doing better with adding a fact my lunches and I explained that I have added a fat source all of my sandwiches when I pack my lunches during the week. She said that was great and she wanted to remind me that she’s not saying that I’m not making enough progress but that my body is just using a lot of what I’m putting in and so we need to really increase to give it more in order to restore. She pointed out that she knows that she has commented on recovery record about my fiber intake and she was like you didn’t comment back and I just kind of laughed because I was like well I didn’t know that I was expected to come in back but I mean she’s not wrong. She said still no exercise and remind her that I can do this. I just sort of stared at her blankly and she was like really you can. I said that I think part of what’s hard is with the meal exchanges I have a hard time prioritizing which exchanges need to be met and so when I look at it my priority is always my fruits and vegetables and I make sure that those ones are hit and everything else just kind of ends up being the leftovers and so she was like OK well we can fix that so she changed my exchange needs. I had also earlier asked about what a normal amount of food is going to be and she was like well we aren’t there yet and I was like I mean what is the food pyramid say and she was like we don’t really use that anymore we just use the my plate and I was like OK but even with that and she was like well really just individually depends on everybody and she kind of dodged the question but she is like for right now You don’t need many fruits and vegetables you need more of the starches in order to get to the healthy weight. She was like we can readjust those numbers later on and I was like well I’m scared that I’ll never be at a point where I can just re-adjust those numbers and live functioning and she was like well we will get there and we will adjust them as we need to but for now you don’t need so much fiber because that’s making you feel too full to eat the other more caloric dense foods. I said OK and she said to follow her back to the copy room where we made copies of my goals and my updated meal exchange plan. As she made the copies she looked at me funny and she was like I’m sorry I know this is so hard for you and I said it’s OK and she said you look like you’re about to cry and I was like it’s OK though and she was like I know but you really look like you’re about to cry and I was like because I might and I was like it’s OK I have therapy after this it’ll be fine I can go cry with her too and she was like I know it’s all really hard and it’s a lot and you’re doing the work and you’re doing great and we went back to her office with the copies and scheduled for next time. Also peggy called me amber again and part of me is just like what the heck.