#but like. . .penelope wants love. . .and she DESERVES love and she wants her husband to love her!!!!

[dollypopup]

"Penelope should have chosen Debling!"

My sister in Christ. . .he literally dumped her???

Like just before Colin Bridgerton was on his knees after outrunning her carriage to profess how he can't stop thinking about her in his love me, choose me, I'm yours speech, Debling did the Regency equivalent of calling her a floozy who would undoubtedly cheat on him when he abandoned her for several years to chase his passions (because she would never be one of said passions since she asked outright if he could ever come to care for her and he went 'hmmmm seems unlikely! good thing you have solitary hobbies to occupy you instead!') when he has been given 0 evidence of such other than realizing she liked to look out the window because she had a crush on the boy across the street. I was ready to challenge that man to a duel for Pen's honor

His feelings for her were middling at best, I mean Christ on a Pogostick, after he asked her mum for permission to propose he isn't even happy when he opens the door and Pen is there? She's looking like a snack- nay, a whole ass MEAL, and he can't even smile? He just nods at her and dips the fuck out? You don't think it would kill Penelope to know that both her sisters have husbands who absolutely adore them and she's out here with an absent dude who likely won't even write to her?

Portia's 'Love is make believe!' speech is so transparently full of shit when you realize that we've got Dankworth who is so obsessed with Prudence that he makes heart eyes at her every waking moment and considers her his little bonbon and Albion who loves Phillipa so much that he was waiting for her to consent to sex (not realizing she didn't know what it was) for two entire years because he would never pressure her and so he was content with finishing in his pants when he kissed her to make sure she was comfortable. And you want Penelope to settle for a life of loneliness? When Colin is so besotted with her that he dreams of her and breaks every societal expectation in the book as a notorious People Pleaser to run after her and cannot even wait for the morning after being intimate with her to introduce her as his wife to his family in the middle of the night? You want her to turn down Mr "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible" Bridgerton? For LORD PENGUIN?

Be so serious right now

[pass3ra]

cressida's storyline was genuinely shameful tbhhh it's like they started rewriting it in the first half of the season then completely forgot about the changes they'd made to make it fit the book plot and it just ends up making everyone else look bad😐 every character in the second half got a "penelope did nothing wrong" lobotomy so we ended up with eloise completely ignoring cressida being sold off to an horrible man (when she made every effort to support her in the first half of the season) and for some reason resenting her for pretending to be lady whistledown? Then they somehow frame her ignoring colin's offensively bad pleas as it being her turning away from redemption when all she's trying to do is escape being trapped in the country with her likely abusive aunt... and it ends with her meeting her horrible fate and it still being framed as tragic only to immediately juxtapose it with the bridgerton family winning the idgaf war while gleefully seeing off francesca and her future dead husband. The bridgertons were the villains of the season frfr

[handydandyandi]

i’m sorry but it’s insane that in the span of 24 hours, penelope:

• nearly got proposed to

• had the intended proposal rudely AND PUBLICLY interrupted by her bestie (and crush but whatever)

•got ghosted by her situationship/future possible husband at a BALL (public humiliation IS penelope’s middle name, after all)

•leaves ball in a state of embarrassment (poor thing)

•gets CHASED TF DOWN by COLIN BRIDGERTON. ON FOOT, MIND YOU.

•colin all but forces himself inside her carriage (in the most gentlemanly way possible)

•her long-time-childhood-crush basically says “hey um i can’t stop thinking about u and i like u can u tell me u like me back PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PL”

•gets fingerbanged to high heavens

•gets an ACTUAL proposal from the man that isn’t her suitor or her friend but is a secret THIRD thing

•announces said engagement to her situationship’s family and proceeds to get called a fake bitch by her future sister-in-law

•writes a damn whistledown column AND publishes it BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP

•her mom yells at her and essentially accuses her of being slutty and sneaky

•colin “im so in love and im totally normal about it” bridgerton says “oh btw i got us a house haha and my servants will be coming later with all my stuff that i packed up last night lol im so normal and casual about this and i definitely didn’t stay up all night twirling my hair and giggling over the fact that im marrying my bestie”

•mr. fingerbang announces he is in love w her

•mr. fingerbang seduces her and they have beautiful, intimate, wonderful couch sex

•girly pop gets PREGNANT

•guilt is eating her alive bc she is like “fuckkkkk im whistledown and i HAVE TO TELL COLIN he deserves complete and utter honesty” and then colin basically is like “no time for talking! time to make ourselves at home!” essentially leaving penelope on the lounge like “😀”

•is shoved into a carriage (this time with the curtains drawn, just in case if colin needs to play a lil penelope piano obvs) and gets the news that the queen has started a Lady Whistedown woman hunt and her fiancé goes “omg slay yasss fuck lady whistledown”

•colin then proceeds to be like “pookie u wanted to tell me something earlier??? what was it???” and pen is just like fuck he HATES whistedown… “nothing!!!” and colin being young and dumb and in love he is like “ok :D <3”

•penelope then WRITES AND DISTRIBUTES ANOTHER WHISTLEDOWN COLUMN

Moral of the story is: Penelope Featherington is the strongest woman ever and i’m not surprised that she ended up fainting at her engagement party bc she needed a NAP

[nostalgicmiscellaneous]

Knowing Pen lied to him was truly Colin's nightmare come true in many ways, because of his past experience, but it's deeper because he actually truly loves Pen and she wouldn't lie to him because she's Pen, and Pen is special, but the the more you watch, the heartbreak shapes more clearly. Colin's expressions and his questions, the many times he's asked Penelope if she's sure of her feelings, if she regrets getting engaged, if she doesn't return his feelings for now...everytime Colin notices she has something to tell him, that he can feel it, he's expecting her to say she doesn't love him, that he indeed is not enough on his own, not worthy. When she's 'sick' and he wants to be near her..."perhaps she's trying to keep me at distance and is regretting", he's so unsure. Her confession at the church, that follows him once again asking her, telling "if you'll still have me?" and clearly bracing himself for some type of rejection, gives him a bit of peace, he starts to believe and is so giddy. At the Mondrichs ball, he's so happy when she tells him he's worthy. It breaks my heart for what's to come. His world came crashing down, because if she lied about that, if she - even if deep down he knows it's true, and that's why it hurts more, because she sees him negatively, she knows his mask and what's hiding - said those things about him in her Column, then she likely doesn't love him, not really, not in the way he loves her. It's hammering in his head: "Why would she love me?, and then, everything that happens make it worse, because - to him - he doesn't seem to be able to show to her his value, to prove to her he deserves love, because she seems to not need him, he's unable to help her in an effective manner and he feels like a failure as her husband, unsure of himself and mistrustful of her loving him. That's why Pen's words to him at Francesca's wedding makes me so emotional. I am in love with her words, how she tells him her needs and how his love is important to her on its own, and how can he show her that love the best/the best way to show it, what she doesn't need, what he doesn't need to do, that he actually excels at loving her when he simply loves her. It's in his special smiles to her, in their little jokes together, it's in the way he made love to her, in the way he gazes at her, how he makes her feel beautiful, in the way he dances with her, how happy it makes them to be together, how they can be silly together, how he kisses and holds her. It's curious because Penelope doesn't seem to doubt his love is there anymore, their dynamic here has shifted ( until ep5, she was also very insecure) , despite their issues, have you notice that? She just wants him to allow himself to show, she wants him to want to love her, she knows it's there, she wants him to act on his love and show her, in the many ways he's so perfect in showing her, so that she can show him back and make him feel loved too. Her offering the annulment was about protecting him and his family and a way to tell him: You don't have to keep on loving me, to be by my side, if i don't make you happy with my love, if you don't want to, if you are scared, in pain. But of course he wants to. He'll always want to and seeing her being so brave, makes him brave too, brave to let himself believe, to accept and let his heart melt away the protections he built with his hurt, makes him understand, deep inside of him, she loves him, that brilliant woman loves him and her light, as he said, will never hurt him, it was never meant to hurt him, instead it will always brighten up his path. She exposed herself out of love, for herself, for him, for his family and he exposed all his feelings right back to her, his insecurities and his love, he finally felt with certain how much he is loved, and it's every bit as much as he loves her. And he knows how vast that is.

[luveline]

Ok Derek angst what about a non-bau gf getting jealous of his flirting with Garcia? Bc ngl if my bf did that with a girl who I hadn’t met I would be super upset and then May be his gf meets Garcia and realizes she’s a girls girl and super sweet? Idk u can take it any direction

ty for your request ♡ fem!reader

You don't want anything to do with Penelope Garcia. Honestly, you wouldn't ever meet her if you had your way, but you're level-headed enough to know that she's important to Derek. Integral to his life. It's a miracle you put off meeting her as long as you had. 

At first, you genuinely thought she was Derek's mom. He always ended calls with, "Love you, mama." It was only a few weeks ago when he shook things up to say, "I love you, babygirl," did you look up from the book on your thigh to ask who it was.

"Penelope," he'd said, like he was confused. "Who'd you think?" 

You shrugged noncommittal, earning yourself a hair pet and a kiss. You lay awake that night wondering if you got it wrong. You'd heard a hundred stories about her and felt reluctantly fond, but now? Your boyfriend calls other girls pet names, what do you do about that? What can you? 

You ignored it. And now you have to meet her. 

She doesn't seem as nefarious as you've imagined her, springing from her seat at the cafe table to hug you. "Hi! Oh my god hi! I can't believe I'm finally meeting you, I've never been this happy in my life! You're so pretty!" 

You wince at her arms thrown over your shoulders but reciprocate. You aren't a total bitch.

"Thank you," you say. She smells like coffee creamer and hairspray. She pulls away to beam at you, her lips painted a shiny, pretty red. "It's nice to meet you. Derek has nothing but good things to say about you."

It sounds awfully formal, like you're opening a bank account with a teller who has a shared acquaintance. Derek gives you a look. You give him a look back, mutual confusion. She may be his best friend, but you don't know her (and what you do know you're jealous of, so). 

Derek takes your hand despite your off behaviour to show you off with pride, his teeth peeking from behind his lips milky white. "My two favourite girls had to meet eventually."

"I thought I'd be more jealous about coming second," Penelope says, eyes twinkling, "but I've never seen Derek so happy." Her voice turns scratchy like stretched linen. "He deserves the best, you know? And it's clear you're it. He's smitten."

"Maybe don't give up all my secrets, sweetheart," he says. 

Seeing them together chills your raging envy. There's a lot of love there, clearly, but the sexual tension you pictured is fictional. "Girl code, my love,'' Penelope says with a shrug. She winks at you. 

Insecurity nags at your skin like condensation on a cold window, "You've known Derek for nearly six years? Have you guys always been this close?" 

"Well, mister muscles here didn't bother remembering my name for the first couple of weeks that we worked together, so he deferred to pet names. And, you know, he's him," —Penelope gestures to him as if to say, behold, drawing a startled laugh from you— "and I'm me, so. I didn't want him to stop." 

"Hey, now." 

Penelope shakes her head at you. "He always does this." 

"If 'this' is stopping you from talking bad on yourself, babygirl, then yeah. I'll always do it." 

You feel clarity break, the sweet taste of relief and the muggier lick of shame. Derek and Penelope have a special friendship. That you knew before meeting her. She's made a huge, irreplaceable impact on his life, and Derek has clearly done the same. They aren't playing work husband and wife —there are reasons for their affections that go well beyond the surface flirtation. 

"I get it. Nobody ever called me anything so nice as Derek calls me," you confide. Derek's eyebrows leap up. You've never told him this; you're telling Penelope as a sort of apology, though she can't know that. "I never got asked out growing up. When he asked me on a date I thought he was trying to win a bet." 

Penelope's expression flickers with relief. There and gone, quickly replaced by sympathy. "Are you kidding? You're so pretty, Derek's lucky he got to you before someone else did." 

Derek kisses your cheek. His lips linger against the apple of it, your joined hands pulled instinctively to his firm torso. You might be imagining it, but Derek seems to know everything, so he probably knows the hill you've just climbed in your head. "Damn straight I'm lucky. I'm surrounded by beautiful, genius women. This is paradise for the modern man." 

You flush at his touch and praise. Penelope makes a pleased squeak. "Ooh, you guys are cute! You need to let me take a photo. This'll make a great printout for your wedding."

"Penelope." 

[jqmalikhsgib]

quest

one

you never expected to be here. sitting at your shared home with your husband while he was out screwing someone else.

aaron wasn’t the type. he was a great man, a traditional man, a caring and loving man. but he was also just a man.

you knew he still loved his ex wife and would do anything for her. but you never expected he’d cheat on you with her.

they had a great relationship. dated in high school, was each others first relationship, first kiss, first time. they got married two years into college and settled down once they finally had their careers.

haley soon decided she wanted to be a traditional stay at home mom someday. she ended up quitting her job while aaron supported them both and when he decided to switch his career paths she supported him one thousand percent.

soon enough they got pregnant and welcomed the most adorable little boy in the world, jack hotchner.

unfortunately aaron chose work over his family. haley couldn’t take it anymore and decided on a divorce. four years later he met you.

aaron never thought he’d move on. he loved haley. she was his world. losing her made him lose apart of himself. he was a broken man for so long.

dave was the one who encouraged aaron to move on and date. he needed to get haley off his mind and start to live his life the way he should. maybe he shouldn’t have listened.

a year and a half in aaron proposed. he was so in love with you. he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you in his arms. you were so good to him, good to jack.

the two of you wasted no time getting married. deciding to go to the courthouse and sign the papers the very next day.

but two years into this marriage he had changed. he was cold to you. he didn’t even look you in the eyes anymore. he’d come home, get in bed, and go to sleep. no hello, no kisses, no hugs, nothing!

up until recently. he felt more chipper, kinder, his spirits were lifted. he came home with flowers and chocolates. he kissed you good morning and came home to make love to you. it was like he was himself again.

you should have known better. it was a clear sign he was cheating. he felt guilty so he shut you out at first. realizing he did, he decided to be a bit more present. showing you with gifts and love. god, how could you be so blind?

you found out from emily. she had caught them in his office one night. they begged her to keep it between them. she did for a while.

but emily felt guilty too. she had to tell you! it was the right thing to do.

not knowing what to do when she broke the news you just smiled and told her you’d handle it. she was scared what that meant. but she trusted you wouldn’t hurt a fly. all the years of knowing you, she knew you’d never harm anyone.

she also knew you loved jack. you’d never harm anyone he loved. and you wouldn’t.

but you knew this would break his little heart. you couldn’t face aaron! you couldn’t tell him that you knew to his face, no! so you packed up your things, grabbed your notebook, and now you’re currently writing a goodbye letter to aaron and one for jack.

aaron was away for work. he’d got a call and had to travel for a case. you knew by the look on his face it was a bad one. he’d most likely be gone for a week. once he’s back you knew he’d try to call.

but by then you’ll block his number, contact penelope, and make sure she hands aaron the divorce papers.

you didn’t want anything from him. you just wanted him to be happy with haley. it’s what they deserve, happiness. and if you weren’t his happiness, if you weren’t his everything, you refuse to take that from him.

aaron sighs. he was ready to go home. this case took a toll on him this week. he just wanted to be with his wife.

he had missed you. you were on his mind the whole time he was gone. and fuck, did he feel guilty.

the last few months he’s been cheating on you with haley. nothing physical happened, but emotionally, he cheated. at first he thought it would be best to get a divorce. work things out with haley and possibly be a family again. him, haley, and jack.

but he loved you! god he loved you. not like he loved haley. no! he didn’t love haley like he used to to anymore. he just missed his old self. she reminded him of his high school years.

he knew it was selfish. he shouldn’t do this to you. you deserved better.

being gone away from you this week has made him open his eyes. aaron was gonna end things with haley, tell you everything, and hope you’d forgive him and wanna work this out.

arriving home felt so different. aaron didn’t know why but he had this uneasy feeling. when he unlocked the front door to his house it was quiet.

all the lights were off and it was no sign of his wife. he was very confused. normally you’d have the kitchen lights on, leaving a note saying dinner is in the fridge while listening to a bit of jazz music while you read a book on the couch.

but it was quiet. dead silence.

aaron got nervous until he saw a note on the kitchen table. sighing, he walks to grab it happily. not knowing what was coming.

dear, aaron. by the time you get this i would most likely be gone. i know about you and haley. i suspected something but i pushed it down because it was no way you’d do that to me. but you did. i want you to know i don’t blame you, im not even mad at you. im hurt, sure. i wished i was her. maybe you’d love me half as much. but it’s no competing with haley. she was your first everything and you never forget your first.

i just want you to know i love you. ill always love you babe! you meant so much to me. and that little boy you got, he is my world! the last thing i wanna do is hurt him. just—tell him whatever you have to, okay? but make sure he knows this isn’t anyone’s fault. make sure he knows that no matter what i will always love the both of you.

let haley know i don’t blame her either. sometimes you gotta let your true love go to realize you were always meant to be. she let you go and now she wants you back. now im letting you go, my love. i hope you two have a very great life. i will love you forever aaron hotchner.

your love, yn hotchner

[girllookingoutwindow]

Eros and Pysche:

She wanted to see the man who had married her, but he forbid it, telling her that if she ever saw him, he would disappear.

Eros represented the overwhelming power of love, which because of its strength can also destroy. Love, that can hurt like nothing in the world can do. It's a fight between trust and love.

Psyche(soul) is made to doubt whether her husband really exists (or at least is the marvellous devoted lover she’s been led to think he is), so holds the lamp up to his face to see him.

Like Pysche, Colin has doubts about Penelope's deboted love from him. So, he follows her. And seeing her real self, seeing love face to face, can destroy it?

How she really could loving him? If she lied about something, if she hides something from him, maybe he doesn't deserve to be loved.

But we don't fall in love with people faces, we love their soul.

[mrs-nanami]

Okay Colin sleeping on the settee is so sad, like, let’s be so for real. For HIM, his side of the experience is that he’s experiencing a huge break in trust RIGHT BEFORE HIS WEDDING. So yeah, I don’t blame him for not wanting to sleep next to Penelope on their wedding night and the nights after. For him, he’s so angry and hurt and he loves her so much, and I think for someone like him, he needs to feel safe to have actually connect during sex. Like, emotionally safe. It’s one thing to have sex with a stranger or with prostitutes: there’s no baring of the heart, no risk, there’s no potential for them to actually hurt him. But with the person he loves? WHEN THEY PLANNING THEIR WEDDING?

This should be a time in their lives that should be beautiful and blissful and they should be stupid and completely obsessed with each other, but for Colin, that’s not the reality of the situation. The time in his life where he and his bride to be should be the most joyous and excited, is a time of sudden truths, intense stress, and fear. Is he making a mistake? Can he trust her? Does she even respect him? Can she even love him back, if she writes terrible things about him and his family? Can she truly love him the way he loves her if she’s willing to lie to him like that? I think it’s really sad for him to think that he is never going to get this back. This period of what should be beautiful, perfect bliss is NEVER going to be their’s.

I know it’s not the wedding night we want for Penelope, but shit. I seriously doubt this was the wedding night Colin wanted for himself. I bet for their first time as a husband wife, Colin wanted rose petals and satin sheets and to keep her in bed for days. He probably wanted to wake up and see her hair in the morning, eat her out until she woke up, and then waltzed down to breakfast late because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. I don’t think it’s stupidity or ego that holds him back, I sincerely think it’s fear. I think he’s afraid to lay down and share his body with someone he loves so much, but doesn’t trust. He wants so badly to be with her and connect with her again, but he can’t do it with this breach of trust hanging between them.

I can’t even blame him for the entrapment thing. I think he’s lashing out in fear, and I think a part of him might even want a small level of entrapment. Holding space for both love and distrust at the same time is a very overwhelming and terrifying experience for anyone, especially under the pressure cooker of a wedding. What kind of person is Colin if he chooses to marry a woman he doesn’t trust, but loves too much to give up? What’s wrong with him? What kind of a person does that? I think the entrapment line is him lashing out in anger, hurt, and a little resentment, but I also wonder if a part of him can also desire the idea of entrapment. Being in choice of the person causing him cognitive dissonance is too overwhelming, but if Penelope has entrapped him, it means he was only presented the illusion of choice the entire time. It means he never had a choice but to fall in love with her, and so of course, he’d want to marry her. It makes sense that he still wants to. Making Penelope responsible for his internal conflict relieves the burden of choice for him. I think he knows that’s not entirely fair or healthy, but I think he deserves to get his lick back, just a little.

I think that’s why I also love their consummation. When they lay down together as married couple for the first time, they’re both doing it at a place of intense desire, connection, love, safety, and honesty. What more could a married couple want?

[lovelyo]

Season 3 part 2 will be Ass. Let me Tell You Why.

Cause in the end, Penelope, Lady Whistledown, the one who has left devastation in people’s lives will get all what she wants. The man that she wants, the attention that she wants, the family she always wanted to be(so envious of them she talked shit about them ), will get her best friend back, might have the heir for that dumbass Featherington plot line, might get the Queen’s pardon and above all else, will most likely not give up LW cause they made LW such an integral part of the show.(so in that case, she’ll be even more filthy rich)

And if we go by leaked spoilers, it is said that Colin will be mad at Penelope for like 1 episode until Kanthony talks some “sense” into him. So that just tells me Kanthony will be OOC because there’s no damn way Anthony would let that beast comment about his wife slide.

There are no stakes when it comes to this season cause we all know how it’s finna go down. If Penelope gets any type of consequences, then her very undeserved HEA is doomed so everything is going to have to go her way for the already idiotic plot to make some form of sense. It’s like the love triangle in part 1, what the hell was the point of Lord Debling when everyone and their ancestors knew Colin and Penelope were end game? So we can see Colin’s cringe angst? If we already know the answer to the love triangle, there’s no point. The “find you a husband” plot line was stupid as shit anyway, but it’s whatever now.

Ugh, then we have to sit through more awkward love scenes between asshat 1 and 2

Eloise threatening Penelope with her LW identity is going to amount to nothing cause we know Penelope isn’t gonna receive any comeuppance. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they made Eloise apologize to Penelope for…🤷🏾‍♂️🤷(let’s apologize to the toxic friend for not dealing with their toxicity)

For Penelope to have a happy ending, she has to get away scot free and that’s what boils my blood. I hate in media and literature when a character goes around, creates chaos and receives nothing for it or just a slap on a wrist. I’ve noticed an increase in it lately too. Also, I’m tired of writers not severing their bias from their writing. I’ve been encountering many series lately where the writer(s) have favoritism towards a specific character and gives them the easy route, bends the world for them and pull punches just because they like them so much. It’s really aggravating cause you see everyone else getting put through the wringer and then you see the favored character walking through Candyland. It hurts the story, the character, and frankly makes you hate the character.

Everyone around Penelope is gonna act brain dead in order for Penelope to get what she wants and I’m not here for it. Even the general audience ain’t for it. The only people cheering this madness are the asylum patients called Polin fans with delusions that Penelope deserves the world.

I’m not even looking forward to Francesca and John’s story cause of the Poolin fecal matter I’ll have to swim through to get there. At this point, I’m might just watch spoilers of part 2 cause it’s not worth it.

P.S. Watch Cressida get the short end of the stick cause she’s the “bully” of the show and Penelope is the “victim”. Watch them break Creloise because of the “I don’t want you hanging around Eloise” subplot which will ultimately fuel Eloise and Penelope becoming friends again. Also, Penelope and Cressida competed for Lord Debling just for Penelope to go “sike” and marry Colin so she wasted Debling’s time and made Cressida feel like shit because she wasn’t chosen. P.S.S- Polins are huge ass hypocrites cause they ragged on Eloise being privileged and having “everything” but are silent about Penelope being privileged. By the end of this season, Penelope will basically have everything, even more so than Eloise, but sure, Penelope is definitely not privileged 😑. Penelope is privileged inside the world and outside by production, why are we denying this?

[lovelymagnoliarose]

So, I know a lot of people are mad about Colin’s entrapment comment to Pen, and I don't love it either. But we all know he definitely apologised for that off screen. I just thought I'd write what that apology might look like, hope you enjoy!

Sneak Peek

“I never apologised to you.”   She looked up, slightly startled, to see her husband standing at the door frame. “What?”   “I never apologised to you.” He repeated, coming to sit next to her. “For how I treated you in the beginning of our marriage, before our marriage as well.”   “Oh, Colin,” Penelope began, putting the manuscript down and taking his hands in his own. “You do not need to apologise, you were angry, I understand-”   “It is not my anger that I apologise for.” Colin interrupted. “But rather, how I handled it.”   “Colin, my love-”   “I… Should not have slept on the sofa during our wedding night, or any night afterwards for that matter. I should have slept in our marital bed, and not maintained that dreadful distance that killed us both. Before and after our wedding, I was colder to you than you deserved and I- I said many things that I did not mean. Including my accusation that you… Entrapped me.”

[eloise175]

Headcanon: love languages

How Callisto and Penelope are disgustingly in love and decide to make it everyone’s problem. Their specialty is being smitten with each other no matter how much time has passed since they got together—sometimes it’s too much for the eyes of other people, cavity-inducing sight right there from too much sweetness.

➺ Physical touch:

Simply put, it’s reassuring. They always reach for the other, both as a sense of security and comfort. Hugs are very frequent and last for a good couple of minutes because neither of them wants to separate first, or at all.

When Callisto is stressed or is about to lose his temper, Penelope places a hand on his shoulder or seeks his own out. It helps him calm down and gather his thoughts.

Kisses are the best, Callisto can never get enough, and Penelope gets all warm and fuzzy inside when he gives her all the little soft kisses.

Callisto always has his arm wrapped around Penelope or holds her hand, it makes him feel good—it improves his day too (the palace staff will forever be grateful).

He’s very clingy, so much so that even during summer when it’s very hot, Callisto gathers her all to him even when she tells him that it’s too hot for cuddles, he doesn’t care that they’re both actively sweating waterfalls during nighttime as well. Penelope tries to roll away but ultimately fails to escape her husband’s clinginess.

➺ Words of affirmation:

Between the two of them, Callisto is the most vocal when it comes to expressing his affection through words, however with time Penelope learns too.

A reoccurring thing between them is that they tell each other the first thing that goes through their head, keywords bluntness and honesty.

Penelope could be staring at Callisto for a good five minutes and when he inquires about it, she just blurts out “you’re beautiful” or “I love you” which inevitably stuns him momentarily; it’s the same the other way around only that Penelope sees it coming since he does it pretty often, but inevitably she still gets all flustered.

➺ Acts of service:

This speaks for itself. Callisto would do anything for her and although he doesn’t expect anything back from her, Penny would still do them and he gets very happy when that happens.

The most frequent instance is him carrying her around despite her protesting against it. Penelope won’t admit it out loud but she enjoys being carried like that. Callisto knows and doesn’t miss any chance to tease her for it.

Massages could be classified as another act of service, especially after a long day. When he’s tired, Penny helps him take baths and is the one that washes his hair, he enjoys it a lot because her touch is relaxing.

Meanwhile, Callisto just wants to take care of his wife and often shoos the maids away because of it. It leads to him learning Penelope’s routine for skincare and whatnot. Later on to her insistence, they both end up having facem masks together to his amusement.

➺ Gift giving:

Having held off from splurging for most of his life, finally Callisto has something that he’d gladly spend his money on—or rather someone.

To him, Penelope deserves nothing but the best so he doesn’t think twice about getting her anything and everything she wants.

He tends to buy every little thing that reminds him of her, later offering them to Penelope as gifts—even if it lands him a scolding. She thinks he goes too overboard, but Callisto just wants to see her happy and shower her with riches and pretty things like her.

When they go out, if her eyes happen to linger on an object for longer than 5 seconds, it’s as good as sold in his books and you best believe he will get it for her, despite her protests.

Years later, Penelope is still salty over that handkerchief incident (even if she won’t ever admit it), so she embroiders plenty of handkerchiefs for him, and Callisto is always carrying at least one with him, proudly so. The others end up in the drawers of his office desk or easily reachable spots in places he spends the most time, so he never has to go without one.

Penelope also has some jewelry pieces made, thanks to her mines and assets which she turns into a business; due to this, Callisto is always seen wearing a brooch, cufflinks and earrings that are quite unique, expensive and of high quality. He’s very proud of those and likes to show off the gifts his wife got him, he can often be found bragging about said gifts in front of his vassals and soldiers—anyone really, even during events.

No one is spared from the Emperor’s endless gushing and words of adulation for his Empress and her thoughtfulness.

[dollypopup]

If Debling isn't good enough for Fran, as the Queen herself says, because he's boring and has nothing to really offer save a title

If what Debling can offer isn't good enough for Edwina, IE: a life of security without love like what Anthony was willing to provide for her

If what Debling represents, an absent figure in a household who does not invite his wife into his plans and interests isn't a good outcome for Portia, who preaches about marrying for security and then ends up scrounging for it, regardless

Why does fandom insist that Penelope has to settle for him? That he'd be a 'better option'? Why is it that she's the one who should have hopped on the first guy with a vague interest in her and tepid emotions when Colin is right there and actually desires her? Why are other women in the series allowed to prioritize love and dream of happy endings regardless of the consequences and outcomes but Penelope should be content with being the warden of a big house as her husband fucks off without her? Why is it that all these characters deserve romances and caring but Penelope should have accepted a title and an estate and being alone?

As if Colin can't provide her security. As if Colin doesn't show interest in her and listen to her. As if he's not from a good family and will also elevate her standing in society through their marriage. As if Penelope has ever been the kind of woman to go title hunting. As if Penelope finds any kind of solace in being alone. As if Penelope isn't actively looking for connection.

Peeps who think Debling is in any way a good fit for her hate Colin, but y'all clearly hate Penelope more, because what are you even talking about? Debling opened the door after getting permission to ask to marry her and didn't even smile. Colin throws open the carriage door and does the stride of pride to show her off to his family with a grin on his face. Debling dumps her with the first SNIFF he gets of her having interest in someone else. Colin runs off after her to beg her to give him a chance and not to marry the other dude. Debling wants to leave her alone in a big house as he goes on adventures. Colin cannot go traveling without writing to her and sharing the world with her.

Penelope deserves the best just as the other women of this series do. Penelope deserves to be loved in every way- with acts of service (the balloon scene, setting up a ballroom in Bridgerton House so they can flirt), with quality time (all their lessons), with touch (carriage, dances, kisses aplenty), with words of affirmation (you are Penelope Featherington, never forget that, you are clever and warm, you do not need lessons), with gifts (a ring on her finger, a house she can make a home with him together). With big gestures like running off after her and small moments like looking for her in every room.

I'm sick of Debling. I'm sick of people who don't recognize that he had 0 emotion toward Penelope save for 'she'll do'. That he liked that she was honest and alone and didn't share his interests. That she would be content with the scraps he was willing to offer her. Not passion. Not sharing. Not cultivating a life together. Not love. Not anything except money and solitude. In what world would that ever have been enough? In what world is that best for her? I'm sick of people refusing to see that Penelope wants to be and should be and will be loved all because there's bitterness in their hearts. If you throw a dreamer into a pragmatic box, they wither. As Colin would have with Marina. As Penelope would have with Debling.

Penelope deserves the best. Penelope deserves Colin. Because Colin is the best for her, to her, with her.

If you can't see that, sucks to suck.

[babymetaldoll]

Are you mine? - Chapter Three: "She's a silver lining"

Word count: 5.253 words   Warnings: This is so fluffy it might be illegal. Reader's discretion is advised. Summary: Baby Reid Nº1 is here, and both Spencer and reader are ready, but not really.  A/N: I know no woman would ever be worthy of making Spencer a father, but that man deserves to be a dad. 

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(Y/N)’s point of view

When we found out we were having a little girl, Spencer lost his mind. I know he would have been happy if the doctor had said it was a boy, but a baby girl was just what he had always dreamed about. A little princess to spoil and teach everything.

We decided to name her Raven Marie Reid, and ever since that day, my husband talked to our daughter every second he could. He encouraged us to hear more classical music to help her brain develop, he read her bedtime stories and even asked about her day.

- “I’m telling you, chipmunk, Raven knows I’m talking to her”- Spencer pointed out as we walked into the bullpen- “She kicks and moves when I say her name.”

- “I know, honey bunny. She is still inside me, kicking my ribs and squeezing my bladder most of the time.”- I replied and shook my head, smiling. I couldn’t deal with his proud smile at my words.

- “Reids! you are here! I’ve got news”- Penelope nearly tackled us as soon as she saw us, and didn’t even give us time to reach our desk.

- “We have to take the fit test.”- she announced quickly.

- “We?”- Spencer asked, confused.

- “Me too?”- I questioned, scared of the answer. I was already 38 weeks into the pregnancy and I could barely move. I wasn’t allowed to travel anymore, so I had to help the team from my desk whenever they were out of town.

- “Of course not, munchkin. Just me and your husband.”- Garcia explained tapping on my arm.

- “But why? We have enough case hours to cover a fit test.”- Spencer argued, confused.

- “I just got the mail. So, I guess we should train a little.”- Garcia shrugged and started walking with us to our desk.

- “I can help.”- I suggested - “I was very good at my fit test, and I can give you some tips.”

- “Can we talk with Hotch and get out of this?” - Spencer suggested- “I mean, it’s a fit test. Honestly, we don’t need this.”

- “Well, we are having a baby, and you are gonna have to play with her, so maybe getting some exercise done could be good for you.”- I suggested, but Spencer looked at me like I had cursed him- “What?”

- “You know I’m not good at sports.”

- “You are amazing in the field and you know it.”- I rubbed his shoulder and smiled- “But you have to get used to running now that we are having to have a kid to follow around.”

- “My princess is not gonna make me run around, right Raven?”- Spencer asked and rubbed my tummy. Our daughter moved inside my belly and sat directly on my bladder.

- “Great, I have to pee again. Thank you, honey bunny.”

The following morning, Spencer and I got up extra early to meet Penelope on the training track in Quantico. My husband looked the cutest in his red shorts and mismatched socks. I planned a simple circuit for them to warm up and watched them running as I sat on a bench and ate part of the orange slices I had brought to them. I tried to imagine how it would be when Raven went to school, would she like sports? Would she join the track team? Soccer? softball? my mind wandered to all the amazing things our baby girl would do. Anything she dreamed of, I would encourage her to pursue.

Spoiler alert: Raven is on the swimming team, and she loves it. We go to her competitions with homemade banners and Spencer made sure our house had a pool, so she can practice whenever she wants.

- “Come on honey bunny!!”- I yelled as Spencer made it to the finish line, a few seconds after García, in what I could call a dreadful performance running. I stopped the timer and shook my head as I made my way over. Spencer and Penelope were panting, and trying to elongate their weary muscles.

- “Why does it have to be such a fast mile?”- Garcia argued, trying to catch her breath- “Have you ever even had to run a mile in the field?”

- “No.”- Spencer answered, panting. I handed them a Gatorade and tried to cheer them up.

- “Come on! you are doing better! You’ve got this!”

- “I'm not even in the field.”- Penelope kept arguing - “I sit at a computer on my perfect posterior, like all day.”

- “I know, Pen. But it’s the rule. Apparently, everybody has to take the fit test this year.”- I tried to explain, but my friend decided to keep rambling.

- “Well, at least we didn’t ask Derek.”- Garcia was thinking out loud - “It's bad enough some bureaucrat is making us take this stupid test. The last thing we need is Mr. Universe talking smack the whole time.”

- “But he knows about all this stuff.”- Spencer argued her point of view - “He can probably, like, teach us some tricks, help us train.”

- “Your wife is doing that already, Reid.”- Garcia pointed out the obvious- “Besides, Derek takes it way too seriously. I worked out with him once.”

- “You work out?”- my husband asked surprised, and Pen just nodded, still trying to catch her breath. - “That's cool. I don't.”

- “We can tell, hon.”- I whispered as I rubbed his back.

- “I train in a non-traditional manner and never again with him.”- Garcia explained. - “He was all, "There you go, baby girl. Move it or lose it. This ain't your high-tech room. My grandmama can move better than that."- I chuckled at her impersonation of Morgan as my husband tried to excuse him somehow.

- “He can be enthusiastic at times.”- Spencer was so nice, we all know Derek was a drill sergeant training. I loved training with him, he always forced me to give 110%, but of course, neither my husband nor Garcia enjoyed it.

- “That's a way of saying it.”- I giggled and looked at the clock - “Now come on! Give me a couple more laps.”

- “Do we have to?”- Spence asked me with sweet puppy eyes, looking adorable and exhausted.

- “Yes, you do. Come on! You’ve got this.”

Lucky for Spencer and Penelope, Hotch texted us to tell us we had a case, which only meant training was over.

It also meant I had to stay with Garcia as my husband left the city to catch a serial killer. I knew it was our job and there was nothing I could do about it, but it made me uneasy to think about what would happen to Raven and me if anything went to happen to Spencer on the field. It was a fact: I was afraid of our mortality now that we were about to be parents. That is one fear I haven’t stopped feeling, and it’s one of the main reasons why today we are leaving the BAU.

During that case, Spencer got hit. It wasn’t serious, just a punch on the face, and Morgan teased him saying they might have ruined his pretty face a little. However, I didn’t laugh at all. I wasn’t calm or even rational at that point. You lose it when you get a phone call from your boss saying your husband is at the hospital, and you can’t go ‘cos you are 635 miles away and unable to get on a plane ‘cos you are 38 weeks pregnant. It doesn’t matter if it’s just a punch in the face.

I was beyond furious with him and Hotch. Mad at Spencer for putting himself in danger out there, and with Hotch, for putting him there in the first place.

I yelled so much while the team was on their way back, Garcia was afraid I was going to deliver the baby in her office. But I knew I had to get it off my system before dealing with Hotch, ‘cos I didn’t want to get fired for attempting to murder my boss.

- “What the fuck was Spencer thinking?!”- I yelled as I paced in Penelope’s office, trying to breathe. - “He never gets in any physical fight with an unsub! Ever! When was the last time he got hurt during a case? Tell me, Pen!?”- and my friend stared at me, not knowing the answer.

- “I’m… well…”

- “It was over five years ago, we weren’t even dating yet. He got fucking anthrax!! and he almost died! I can’t go through that again, we are gonna have a baby. Do you think I could raise a baby alone? I fucking can’t! There is no way on earth I can do this alone! Spencer can’t do this to me!”

- “(Y/N), please breathe. He just got punched on the face, that’s it.”- Garcia tried to reason with me, and failed.

- “Just punched on the face? Do you know how dangerous that is? It means he was fighting the unsub! One false movement and things south!”

- “But it didn’t happen, please, munchkin, calm down, you are gonna give me a stroke.”

- “I’m not gonna calm down until my husband is here, safe and sound!”

My wishes came true later that evening after I had made a major effort to calm myself down and not look like the hormonal and slightly crazy woman I was that day.

- “I’m ok, I swear”- Spencer said as soon as he stepped out of the elevator and found me waiting for him.- “I’m sorry, ma cherie.”

I sighed, taking in his perfume, the smell of his neck, and the warmth of his arms around me. Spencer kissed the top of my head and didn’t move for a few minutes until he was sure I was calmed. Somehow, having him there made me forget about how mad I had been earlier that day.

- “Are you sure you are ok?”- I whispered and looked at his face, he had a cut on the eyebrow and a bruise on the cheekbone.

- “Nothing that some kisses can’t fix.”- he said with a sweet smile.

- “You would have been proud, pretty girl.”- Derek pointed out, walking past us along with the rest of the team. - “Reid tacked the unsub like a pro.”

- “I did.”- my husband nodded. - “Working out is paying off.”

- “So, do you think you could stay here until the baby is born?”- I asked and Spencer just smiled.

- “Hotch and I already talked. I won’t move from my desk until Raven is here.”- I beamed, relieved, and let out a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding.

- “Thank you, honey bunny.”

- “Anything for you, ma cherie.”

- “I’m glad I don’t have to yell at Hotch anymore.”- my husband frowned, confused.

- “Why would you…”

- “Never mind, honey bunny.”

Spencer’s point of view

There are so many things I will never forget, and not just because I have an eidetic memory. One of my favorites is the day Raven was born. That was the day I became a father, and by far, one of the happiest moments of my life.

(Y/N) had started feeling contractions after dinner. We were on the couch watching Dr. Who and eating ice cream when they began. They were soft and irregular, so we didn’t move, and instead, we did what the doctor had instructed, and started timing the contractions.

After a while, (Y/N) decided a bath was a good idea ‘cos it might help her relax before bed, so I filled the tub and helped her in. We didn’t call anyone but our midwife, who told us we were doing the right thing and suggested we get as much sleep as possible. So we went to bed. I held my wife and placed a hand on his belly.

I felt like I hadn’t slept for more than five minutes when my wife’s voice woke me up at five thirty am.

- “Honey.”- she whispered, shaking my arm carefully.

- “Everything ok?! Are you in pain?! Do you need the doctor?”- I nearly jumped and stared at her, she seemed scared, though she tried to remain calm.

- “My water broke.”

And that was when my brain turned off.

I stared at (Y/N), slowly panicking, and stood by her side, analyzing everything. Yes, our mattress was probably ruined but that wasn’t the biggest issue at that minute.

- “Spencer?”- my wife called out my name, probably reading how I was losing it at that minute.

- “Yes, cherie, I’m here. I just… need a second.”

- “We have to go to the hospital.”- her voice was a whisper, and she didn’t say another word. A contraction hit her and I could read the pain all over her face. That was when it clicked me, there was no time to overthink, I had to be there for her. In a second I was fully dressed and helping her walk to the door.

- “The bag is in the car, I’ve got my cell… and yours.”- she kept panting as she enumerated everything we needed.

- “We’ll call your parents from the car”- I said as I grabbed the keys and opened the front door.

- “Wait!”- (Y/N) stayed still and held her belly with both hands. I saw her doing her breathing exercises, going through what looked like a very painful contraction. I placed my hand on hers and stared at her, doing her best to do everything we were taught we had to do.

- “I am so proud of you.”- I whispered and kissed her temple. - “You are doing so well, ma cherie.”

- “In case later I yell and say things I don’t mean, I love you.”- she replied and I chuckled. - “You know I might do that if it gets too painful.”

- “I know you will.”- I replied and kissed her lips - “Ready to walk to the car?”- (Y/N) nodded and started moving slowly. I closed the door and held her arm, helping her all the way over.

I rushed into the hospital with my wife, who was trying her best to hide her pain from me, so I wouldn’t freak out. But I was freaking out anyway. Of course, I was. I was running in my head all the possible scenarios that could go wrong in the following hours and I was terrified.

- “My wife is having our baby, her water broke.”- that was all I could say as soon as we reached the front desk. A nurse put (Y/N) in a wheelchair and guided her to a room in less than a minute to examine her. I gave our info and followed her, trying to remain calm.

- “How are you feeling, Mrs. Reid?”- she asked (Y/N).

- “I’m ok, I guess. I keep trying to think this isn’t the most painful thing ever ‘cos I know it’s gonna get worse.”- and my wife even joked, she is a champ.

- “We’ll make sure you feel the least pain possible. Now, let’s put you in bed and see how long until we meet your baby. Do you know what you are having?”

- “A girl.”- (Y/N) replied as I helped her move into the bed. I felt like there was nothing I could do at that minute, so I just stared at her being the most amazing woman ever.

- “Did you pick a name yet?”

- “Yes, Raven Marie.”-

- “That’s a lovely name! Now, let’s see how you are doing.”

The nurse was very nice. She asked my wife a million questions I heard (Y/N) answer patiently, checked her vitals, assessed her contractions, and checked her cervical dilatation. During that entire time, I couldn’t say a word, I was shocked. It was happening, my wife was going to make me a dad, and I was terrified. Not that I didn’t want to be a father, I was just scared anything might go wrong. And if everything went well, and the baby ended up hating me ‘cos I was the worst father on earth? I didn’t know how to be a good dad, I didn’t have one most of my life.

- “Honey, honey”- (Y/N) held my hand and took me from my thoughts.

- “Are you ok?”- I asked right away and she smiled.- “What can I get you?”

- “Nothing, but are you ok? You are pale and I can see you are losing it, and this hasn’t even started yet.”- I nodded and felt her squeezing my hand. - “It’s gonna be ok, so please don’t overthink it, ok?”- I nodded and leaned in to kiss her forehead, but she moved and crushed her lips against mine, making me smile.

- “Come on! She is still pregnant! Wait a little before knocking her up again.”- Frank said as he walked in absolutely unannounced, holding a paper bag filled with snacks, books, and magazines.

- “How the fuck did you know we were here?”- that was the first thing my wife questioned, and then the nurse showed up to take him out.

- “Your mom called us all, everybody is on their way, I just got here early.”

- “Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to wait outside.”- the nurse said and pointed to the door.

- “Don’t worry, guys. I’m gonna be camping out there, I’m on the welcome committee. Anything you need, I’m here.”- Frank moved quickly, kissed (Y/N)’s forehead, and smiled. - “You are gonna kick ass, nugget!”

We are lucky to have the best friends on earth.

(Y/N)’s parents, Lu, and Mikey were in the waiting room with Frank in less than half an hour. They all had stopped by to see my wife and wish her luck. Hotch and Garcia got there next and hugged me tight.

- “How is my munchkin? Can I see her?”- Pen asked right away.

- “She is with the doctor, everything is fine. She is still a few hours away from pushing, but everything is going well. They are evaluating if they are giving her the epidural now.”- I explained and Pen nodded.

- “JJ said she won’t come ‘cos she has a cold and it could be dangerous for (Y/N) and the baby, but asked me to send pictures later.”- I just nodded and looked around the room. Everyone I loved was there to support us.

- “Did you bring her ice?”- Hotch asked and I showed him the cup I was holding.

- “On my way to get more ice right now.”

- “And how are you?”- my unit chief asked the million-dollar question, so I just sighed.

- “I can’t stand hospitals, there’s something about the lighting…”- Hotch raised an eyebrow and stared at me knowing that was not what bothered me. - “I’m just worried, I can’t stop thinking anything might go wrong.”- it was easiest to confess my darkest fear at that moment because I needed some sort of contention.

- “It’s normal, Reid. You want to be sure she and the baby are going to be ok.”- Hotch put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. - “You are doing a great job here.”

- “Thank you.”- it was somehow reassuring to hear Hotch saying that. I felt silly but it somehow took a weight from my chest.

- “Son.”- Chief (Y/L/N) walked towards, shook Hotch’s hand, and welcomed Garcia. - “Have you eaten anything?”- he didn’t actually wait for my reply, my father-in-law handed me a sandwich and a coffee. - “Eat this, I’ll bring my princess the ice. You need a little break.”- he tapped on my back and Sofia patted on an empty chair next to her and I moved towards her slowly.

- “Did you call your mom yet, honey?”- she asked me as I chewed the sandwich and shook my head. - “Do you want me to call her?”

- “It’s still too early in Las Vegas. And I don’t want her to get anxious. I’ll call her when Raven is here with us.”- I explained and sipped my coffee. Extra cream and extra sugar. I hummed happily and Sofia smiled.

- “Did I get your order right?”- she asked me and I nodded, surprised. - “I’m glad. I made you the sandwich you said you liked last time we had brunch. A bacon omelet goat cheese sandwich.”- she pointed out proudly.- “I remembered how much you liked it.”

- “Thank you, Sofia.” - she leaned over and kissed my forehead.

- “I love you, son. I am so excited you and my baby are about to be parents.”

I blushed as I heard her words, feeling my heart filled with love. Around us, Frank, Lu, Garcia, and Mikey talked about all the plans they had for my baby girl. Hotch was talking with Derek, who had just walked in with Alex.

- “Now eat your food,"- Sofia added.- "I’ll put an eye on my baby.”

I am still amazed by the warm feeling that having a family gives me. Not just my wife and kids, but our entire extended family, in-laws, and friends. I never thought I could ever have this. I know I say it a lot, but it’s very hard for me to believe this is my life.

(Y/N)’s point of view

Things I couldn’t stop thinking about the first time I had a baby: how Spencer always said studies showed women forgot about pain as soon as they held their babies. I needed to get to that point as fast as possible because no matter how many drugs they gave me, I felt like I was tearing apart.

- “Come on Mrs. Reid!”- the doctor said, from between my legs. - “I can see her head! just a few more pushes!!”

- “I can’t, I’m too tired!”- I argued and felt like breaking into tears, ‘cos I was moody and tired and most of all, scared ‘till the death of what was going on. A human was coming out of my body, I wasn’t ready to be a mom. I was terrified of messing it up.

- “Come on, ma cherie.”- Spencer had held my hand through the whole process, and though he had delivered a baby himself, for the first time ever, he didn’t give directions or corrected anyone. I guessed he was too scared to mess up and trusted the medical staff.

- “I’m sorry hon, I can’t do this.”- I mumbled and felt my baby punching her way out of my body. I had a strong contraction and instead of talking, all I could do was scream in pain.

- “Yes, you can do this, (Y/N). Come on! Just push, our baby is almost here. Just push, ok?”- Spencer begged as I did as told and gave my biggest effort.

- “Almost!! Just one more!!!”- the doctor said. Spencer held my hand tighter and nodded, in support. I don’t know how I did it, but somehow, I managed to push one more time and suddenly, I heard a baby cry.

- “Oh my god”- Spencer gasped and stayed still, staring at the baby with tears in his eyes. The doctor stood up and placed a red crying baby on my chest, and suddenly, Spencer was right. I felt no pain whatsoever. Nothing. All I could do was stare in awe and, of course, cry, how that little baby on my chest was in fact, my little baby.

- “Hi Raven.”- I whispered and touched her back carefully, with shaky hands. - “Hi, I’m your mom, and me and your dad love you very much.”- I chuckled and sniffed as Spencer moved closer and kissed my forehead.

- “She is perfect.”- he whispered and stared at her in admiration and pure love. The nurse gave him a pair of scissors and instructed him how to cut the umbilical cord. I tried to stop crying, but it was nearly impossible. I was a mom. My husband was a dad. We were parents.

Spencer and I had a kid. That was the thought I couldn’t process. The guy I had a crush on for what seemed to be my entire life, my best friend, the smartest guy on earth, and I, had made a baby. I managed to look away from Raven for a second and watched him staring at us, sobbing.

- “I love you so much.”- I whispered and he smiled at me. He leaned in and kissed my lips carefully, and then kissed our baby girl.

- “I love you too, so much. I am so proud of you, ma cherie.”

It was all sweet and fun until that point. But no one ever prepared me for what happened when we took Raven home. Yes, we were ready (or so we thought), but let me tell you this: dealing with a newborn after a week of no sleep is way worse than any unsub's interrogation I had ever dealt with. Way worse.

I felt I was losing my sanity after the first eight days with Raven at home. She didn’t sleep for longer than an hour, which meant neither did we. Breastfeeding wasn’t magical, it was uncomfortable and sometimes even painful, which made me feel like the worst mother on earth. During that first week, I did my best to remain calm and rational. But after eight days of no sleeping, pain due to delivery, swollen breasts, and the irrevocable agony of thinking I was the worst mother on earth, I locked myself in the kitchen and cried my eyes out as I waited for the pot to boil.

Spencer was with Raven in our room, walking around 'cause it was the best way to keep her asleep for more than half an hour. I didn’t want him to know I was crying 'cause I felt useless and pathetic. A voice inside my head kept telling me any other woman would do better than me. Any other woman would be a better mother for Raven and a better wife for Spencer.

I’m not proud to tell you how I felt, I swear. But at that moment, I was overwhelmed.

So I waited for the water to boil and cried as much as I could. Then I put myself together, grabbed a cup, and prepared a cup of hot lavender tea for myself. I also grabbed a bag of marshmallows and ate half of it in less than a minute. Then, I took a deep breath and headed back to our bedroom, where Spencer was still walking our baby. He looked exhausted but kept staring at Raven with the sweetest look in his eyes. It made me feel guilty because he was doing just great and I was a failure. And what was worse: I couldn’t stop thinking JJ was a better BAU mom than I was. She was my only comparison, and as far as I was concerned, she kicked ass. And there I was, failing.

- “She is asleep.”- Spencer whispered and I walked to him, to make sure Raven was well. - “Why don’t you get some rest? I’ve got her.”

- “No, I don’t wanna leave you alone with all the work.” - I argued, knowing it was useless to resist.

- “Every book says that when the baby is asleep, the mother should try to get some rest. Now please, get in bed and nap a little. I’ll be right here with Raven, ok?”

- “But…”

- “Chipmunk, I have to return to work in a few days, please get as much rest as you can while I am still here. I don’t wanna be at work feeling guilty I didn’t do enough to help you.”

- “You’ve done everything, honey.”- I whispered and looked down at my shaking hands. I was still filled with sadness and regret. Feelings I didn’t know how to handle.

- “What are you talking about? You brought her to this world, you feed her, you take care of her. You’ve done more than enough.”- he kissed the top of my head and I just sighed, defeated. - “Get some sleep, ma cherie.”

I was lucky enough to have a large support group. My mom would visit us daily and help us with Raven while we did house chores and napped. Lu, Frank, and Mikey brought us groceries during the first couple of weeks, so we didn’t have to leave the house. Hotch gave us all the free days he could get. But eventually, after a month and a half, my husband had to return to work, and I was all alone at our apartment with Raven.

- “How is my beautiful granddaughter?”- Diana asked as soon as I opened the door. She was visiting after her trip to the Grand Canyon, and my mom had invited her to stay over with her. My mother-in-law was doing so well with her new medication, and she wanted to enjoy as much time with Raven as possible.

- “And Spencer?”- Diana asked, looking around the apartment.

- “He is back to work, starting today.”- I explained and tried not to show how much I hated the idea of him chasing psychopaths and traveling all over the states. Spencer said he would ask Hotch to stay in town, at least for a few weeks, and help the team from headquarters. I wanted him to take a sabbatical from the BAU and teach in Georgetown for a semester. We could live like that, get used to having a baby, and watch her grow. But Hotch needed Spencer, and he said he also needed me back as soon as I was ready.

- “And how many weeks do you have left before going back to work?”- Mrs. Reid asked the dreadful questions as she walked around the apartment holding Raven in her arms.

- “Three more weeks.”

- “And do you want to go back to the FBI?”- Diana was on fire that day, asking everything I didn’t want to think about.

- “I miss my work, but I don’t want to be apart from Raven. I know mom will take care of her when I’m at work, and I don’t wanna travel for the next couple of months. But still, I’m not that excited about coming back to work.”- I explained. However, I left out the most important part: I was terrified of anything happening to us. Getting injured and being in danger was the biggest issue working at the BAU, but before having a kid, I had never felt as afraid as I was then.

- “Why don’t you relax honey?”- my mom asked, probably reading the pain on my face. - “Leave this little princess with us, and have a nice warm bath. How does that sound?”

- “And a nap”- Mrs Reid suggested - “Sleep as much as you want, darling. None of us will feel bad if you need to rest. God knows I needed naps when Spencer was a baby. He was adorable, but the first couple of weeks I was exhausted the entire time. Once I fell asleep sitting at the table, having breakfast.”- I smiled at them and nodded. They were both right. I needed a break before pumping, feeding, and changing diapers again. 

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[kit-williams]

Perturabo & Penelope Drabbles

Collection of random ass plotpoints that will eventually be made into proper fics (also remember ya'll if you wanna be on my regular non-husbandry tag list please ask me)

@bispecsual @egrets-not-regrets @moodymisty @bleedingichorhearts @liar-anubiass-blog

@thevoidscreams @barn-anon @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @squishyowl @ms--lobotomy

@nekotaetae @sleepyfan-blog

Non tag list people but people who I want to see this @the-raven-lady @remembrancer-of-heresy

So how this goes will be

A one line premise

the blurb

Pertrabo asks Fulgrim something (Pre Horus Heresy)

I realized something that Bo might had only casually thought of. He'd be going into their marriage knowing he would outlive her. She went into it and was fine probably musing she would be the first of many perhaps Perturabo was initially content but then asked Fulgrim about it suddenly seeing the sadness in his eyes... maybe getting such raw advice as to "treasure her. They live such short lives." or "Perhaps you'll marry again akin to how they might get another pet. It will never be the same as that first one... the one you're so madly in love with... maybe you'll marry again"

Penelope's reunion with Perturabo: Peaceful

Penelope's part Her hair was out of place as she bit her nails... she could hear his voice... telling her to stop biting them. The ship had been boarded... Castor was the Judas goat... eager to welcome mother home but be a beacon to let Bo know exactly where she was. Ajax was being ferried to the secondary safe zone. She didn't know what a demon was... but she was trembling and there would be no Bo to comfort her in his arms just tucking her under his chin and making her feel like she is the most precious thing in the galaxy. She knew his footsteps... the room was dim as she took a final drink of wine to calm her nerves. The Automata outside were quiet... of course they wouldn't shoot their maker. She turned and looked up at the doors... before having to look down and only seeing a man a head taller then her with the most striking blue eyes... and cornrows of wires- "B-Bo?" Perturabo's part He might as well utilize his lesser used powers... he hardly cared about the shapeshifting and how he looked. But the way she looked at him and flinched as his hands were finally able to cup her face as they should have been. To kiss her as she deserved! To feel her form press up against his in a way that he only held fleeting desires for... the sensation of her wrapping her legs around his waist. His nose pressing into the skin of her neck as he had memorized this delicate smell ten thousand years prior... he always told her he would be okay with her death but he was a filthy liar... he had lied to himself and to her. He wasn't ready to lose her when he did... and no he wouldn't ever have to as now the Iron Mother would be /eternal/

A part just right after the part above and them having passionate sex this is some conversation they had just laying in the afterglow

"She was right Bo." She finally said with her head on his chest... it was quiet. It disturbed her and as if he read her mind she could hear the beating of his hearts again. "I know. I knew after I killed her." He says softly just drawing on her back, "I also realized you would have stopped me if you were there." He says staring at the ceiling he designed, every piece in their bedroom he designed and made. "I blamed myself. I had called you to follow me to Olympia. Even if you couldn't stop me from doing what I did you would have stopped me from being a monster." "What do you look like now?" He held her tightly shaking his head how many baselines looked at him in horror... how many tried to kill themselves. "No." He said in a tone to not question him. How easy for him to slip back into being a husband.

@bispecsual's character study/read of Castor

Castor is such a sad dude, he wanted to be at her side, wanted the glory of protecting his legion mother for so so long and he never got the chance, now she’s back and she hasn’t changed at all. It’s been no time at all to her, the universe hasn’t had a chance to break dear sweet Penelope who was always so kind to them all. He wants that love again, he wants her to smile, he wants to be her son again. His eyes would flash to that warm brown she remembers from uncountable lifetimes ago she’s now learning, just like his father he’s trying to look how she remembers him. “Aren’t you proud of me, mother?” He smiles with the giddiness of a little boy showing off a trophy he won, his teeth are too sharp, there’s blood smeared on his armor and she tries so desperately to remember the fresh-faced neophyte who positively beamed at her from his scout battalion. “I’ve risen to the rank of warsmith! Isn’t that grand?” He wants to grab her hands, wants to press them to his face and feel softness for the first time in so long. Father had always been selfish with his wife’s touch, glaring at any of their sons he stepped a bit too close to the warm maternal hearth fire of the Iron Warriors Legion. Some of his older brothers (the apothecaries) even got to touch her belly when she was pregnant, they said it was quite odd feeling Ajax kick from inside her womb but he still had wanted to experience it. She was back now, and so was their littlest brother, the heir of Olympia, little Ajax. He could finally have everything he wanted. He didn’t even notice the conflicted horror on Penelope’s face as she stared up at him. Oh sweet boy what had her absence done to you?

Penelope's reunion with Perturabo: Violent

Angsty ass idea: Penelope decides to fight and over the ship’s vox she addresses the 5000 men with her and asks them to help defend the ship with her. She may not have been a fan of fighting but she’s still the Iron Mother, it’s still her duty to defend her family. “I would never ask that you die for me, my sons. But today I will ask you to die WITH me if necessary.” Those on the bridge salute her. As if they’d ever refuse a call to arms from their legion mother But of course... How could she win against a Primarch? Much less against a Demon Primarch... She held Ajax tightly as it was getting quiet. Tears fell as she sat on the command throne just waiting. Castor came in looking like a kicked dog. Her sons were dead or captured but most likely dead given who her husband was. She tries her best to be strong... but she fails as tears roll down her cheeks. "Mother..." Castor says softly as others enter the room as bolters are holstered. She looks up at the impassive face looking down at her, "So now what." She says trying to sound fierce and defiant but it comes out broken and small. "You come home. Lest you want /all/ your sons dead." Perturabo says with blood... most likely Antioch's smeared on his weapon. He did not like to twist her arm... but he knew sometimes it was for her best... sometimes he had to manipulate her into behaving. She opens her mouth to say something before he murmurs, "No. I will not hurt our son." Again reading her mind as she stands up holding Ajax protectively as her attendants come back closer. She feels Perturabo pick her up as that move cements that it is over... she is back in his grasp. She sniffles as she feels him press kisses into the side of her head as she is carried to the Iron Blood. The Iron Amaranth is draped in red as she weeps for her sons as she is carried away as the warmth of her ship is replaced with such a cold cruelty of the Blood... she tried to fight the Lord of Iron and she broke first.

The Iron Mother with Perturabo receiving an unusual visitor

She looked down at the visitor ... hardly any of her husband's newer sons came to visit her. He did not look like a typical Iron Warrior... not as stocky. "Have you come to see the mother of Iron?" "Yes." His voice said. "I am a curiosity." She spoke with a warmth that all of her sons deserved even if these new ones frightened her. But it is why he kept her locked away in this seemingly endless place with what feels like a real sun... real weather... just it feels like a slice of Olympia. "You are. Castor talks of you fondly." He says and he watches her warm smile spread over her lips as she stands up and walks closer. She had begged and pleaded for her guards lives eventually promising to eventually bear Perturabo another child. "He is fond of me. What is your name?" She asks looking up at him. "I am Honsu." "Ah the half breed." She says before motioning for him to kneel as she looks over him. Touching his chin looking into his eyes before she hugs him and places a kiss on his temple. "A half breed you might be but like all my sons you get all of my affection."

Penelope confronts Pertruabo

I wrote enough that it would be its own short stand alone blurb HOWEVER I have a timeline for the Pertrabo and Penelope plot and really do not want to post stuff super out of order

Penelope realizing she's not dealing with the same Perturabo (No dialogue because it hasn't been planned yet)

She said too much... Penelope pales... She let out all her frustrations and sadness out at this thing that was in front of her far too small to be her husband yet he was! Her makeup ruined from the hot tears that ran down her cheeks as she crossed a line she looks down trying to figure out how to apologize but she wasn't sorry for everything she said just she knew she went too far. Her head snaps up when she feels his hand move her chin up... his face unreadable and a part of her was naturally scared. She wasn't ready for the soft kiss on her forehead and the gentle smile from him as she listened to him... validate her concerns and feelings... pointing out where she let her emotions get the better of her and misremembering things but recognizing her feelings in the moment? Penelope looked up at her husband confused as this was not the reaction she was expecting... the confusion leaves and is replaced as he whispers in her ear what he is going to do to her for her little outburst as she was thoughtless with her words... his tongue tracing her ear as he allows the extra bass in his voice, due to his ascension, to run down her spine. He could smell the immediate effect he was having on her body. And he couldn't resist as their hands gripped each other tightly and pulled at clothing that was in the way.

Lewd Idea: Penelope is a size queen; blame really only having a Primarch as a sexual partner for like a decade. And Perturabo being absolutely N O R M A L about his wife

Ajax the half primarch interacting with his demonic father

Ajax knew this presence! He knew it because it loved him! His formless body floated and rolled near the large warp presence as he popped and made his noises! Why wasn't he up? Was it like when mama was looking away? He needed this... he could feel mama holding him tightly... he missed papa holding him too... it has been so long since he was held by them both. Oh! He knew what do! He SCREAMED "PAPA" Shapeless eyes that burnt like fire formed and dissipated as they looked at the tiny floating "bundle" of wool. Both formless and shapeless... but they knew each other. 'pop' 'pop' 'pop' the little cloud made as tiny tethers tried to make their connections

Perturabo and Penelope being catastrophically in love with each other

there are moments like that for them of... having to get use to the new "normal" The fact that you can only interact with your husband through what you eventually learn is basically a metal puppet because if you see what he actually looks like now you might go insane Perty: I’m kinda a psychic eldritch being now Nelly: so does that mean you're no longer interested in me- Perty: no no I love you still Nelly: wasn't finished... are you no longer interest in sex dear? Bo: I've been half mast this entire conversation Nelly: Perfect or Perty: I’m kinda a psychic eldritch being now Nelly: figure it tf out I want your dick Perty: WELL WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY

Alternative reunion with Perturabo if she had gone to Roboute

Penelope had resigned herself already... Her stepsons were dying. Roboute and Ajax back on Macragge waiting for the Iron Warriors... Of course they hid her away. Of course, Bo would find her... She could feel his presence bearing down on her like a breeze behind her eyes... The taste of ozone on her tongue. She already dismissed the handmaidens and just waited by the window... Roboute had lied about his death it seems... Penelope closed her eyes at the sound of sickening crushing noises outside the door. She was certain he was going to kill her for her infidelity. She looked to the poison unopened nearby as she knew it was foolish for her to let herself be found alive but... She was a foolish and emotional woman... She wanted to see her Bo. "Blue doesn't look good on you mother." Castor says entering the room, "Don't you have anything more suitable?" Penelope smiled sadly, her face having more wrinkles and her hair with more streaks of grey, "Unfortunately no. You all weren't supposed to be here so I did not bring anything..." "Father is eager to see you." "To punish me?" She asks softly. "No," Perturabo's voice distorted by his vox forces her attention to him, "To bring you home. Just like those Epics you enjoyed reading."

Perturabo has an unexpected visitor

There was something else on his planet. He groused as he couldn't feel which pesky brother was trying to seek his aid without being seen. He doubts it was Mortarion given how they had fought recently... He had laid the rules that Fulgrim was not allowed... Angron was to be redirected... Magnus was allowed only to a few selected places keeping him far from where Penelope and Ajax were being kept... Lorgar was trapped... Perturabo frowned as he started to pluck strands of reality like a spider feeling its web for prey. He frowns as nothing comes up and yet the feeling remains... He goes to pluck the golden thread gently to respond to Ajax's near constant plucking of their warp bond. His fingers slip through it... His entire consciousness looks down at to where the tiny bundle of golden wool should be at the other end of the bond and all he can see is blackness and feathers. Perturabo's hearts seize... Corvus was in his domain... And Corvus was where his wife was! The grim thought that danced across his mind as he rushed down was that at least Corvus wouldn't make her suffer unlike Konrad... But still he moved with a dying hope that she would still be there even if Ajax wasn't....

Penelope witnessing his death (another she went to Roboute timeline)((the image is the inspiration))

She looked back... She couldn't stop herself knowing there was a monster right there but she couldn't stop her mouth from forming the word for husband. It was her fault Macragge was being invaded... And it was her fault that flaming sword was stabbed deep into his chest. And all she could do was let out that dying shriek for him as his eyes never wavered from her own and she even through tears kept her eyes on him... It was her fault... And she would have to live with that...

Demon Perturabo being normal about his wife, the march of time, and totally not making anything profane for her

His mouth moved over each blemish of her skin being reminded how she got each one and where there was a fragment of his being the whole was deep in his workshop working... Flesh crafting... Because why should death come for Nelly? Why should he be /okay/ with only having her for a few centuries and even then her youthfulness will be gone after that first century... Why should he be okay with it? He never liked her being okay with being his "first" wife seemingly accepting the fact that she wouldn't be his only just accepting that her memory would fade in time... His tongue pushes into her mouth as she melts to his touch just as the flesh in his hands melts under his own... Fabius demanded a high price for his knowledge but it would be worth it. Each small scar was marked upon the skin...Flesh pulled to mimic Her stretch marks ... Even the odd asymmetry that she had on her face... The fact that her fingers on her left hand were millimeters longer then her right... Whimpers in his ear... Unlike from the body underneath his hands... He nuzzled the empty flesh body in his hands all just missing a soul to start it up. He wouldn't use it just yet... But in time she would have a form fitting for the wife of a Primarch... And he wouldn't have to worry about her falling to his corruption either... The high pitched sigh in his ear tells him she climaxed as his eyes return to the enclosure... He could feel the "rain" against him as they sat under a tree just enjoying a moment to themselves

Perturabo being a little evil (some of you might know this as being the gore sex idea...)

He rounds the corner looking at the body on the floor wailing... it shouldn't be awake or alive really. He could see the bone growth of the wraithbone construct having grown even when it should have been suppressed. He sends a son to go check on Penelope but as far as he can tell she is asleep and yet he can feel a shard of her soul in this imperfect body. "B- B- Bo." She struggles to say as her eyes are cloudy for Penelope it was a nightmare... hair and teeth falling out... pain... darkness... elements of the nightmares she was so use to having since coming here... she weeps wanting her husband to save her! To hold her while she sleeps... to feel... "Shhh I am here Nelly." His voice rumbles in her ear as her fingers grip his armor so tightly that the flesh rips free of the muscle. He should kill it and return the shard of her soul to her body... but his mask peels away as his blackened tongue licks her bottom lip as he closes the space between them... just a few kisses...

Penelope having a sensory overload in her new body

Penelope suddenly waking up in a body that feels too big for her... She's suddenly stronger.... Faster... Her mind sharper and she's scared because she went from feeling weakness in her joints and having to slow down to suddenly being in her prime again again thank you @bispecsual for the blurb Even better than her prime even. It would be overwhelming. Everything is too loud, too bright, too sharp. Al this information pouring into her mind at a speed she isn’t used to. Why can she hear Ajax’s little heartbeat rooms away? Why can she see the microabrasions on the cold steel walls? Why oh why can she feel this suffocating PRESSURE like a storm has been stuffed in the room with her? The choking, stifling, smell of ozone and the sensation of immense barometric pressure. She feels a touch against her cheek, so familiar but too sharp, too rough, on this skin that feels the same but not. She knows those calluses, she knows that warmth but instead of comfort it feels like sandpaper and glass right now. She hasn’t flinched away from her husband since she was a servant, but she can’t help it now. She doesn’t mean it. She tries to tell him that but her voice catches in her throat. Is it her throat? It doesn’t feel like it’s ever been used before. It’ll pass, she’s told. What will pass? What has he done? WHAT DID HE DO TO HER? My part again Perturabo's voice is soft... So soft as she struggles to control her body... She wails loudly as everything feels wrong and feels helpless and unable to control her body. Why do her limbs so heavy? She looks up at Perturabo trying to soothe her wiping away her tears all with a patient smile on his face After some time... Ajax looks at her with the same blue eyes as his father... A look on his face as if he /knew/ what his father had been planning... But Nelly would never accuse her son of that... No she just was feeling miserable and scared as she struggled to use her body again. She wasn't allowed back into her "home" until she could walk and talk properly again meaning she had to deal with what she was calling dealing with him Raw. It made her heart race and her feel like she was going to throw up and yet she could feel Ajax... That soft and fluffy feeling she always had with her son just amplified. She flinched at the sudden heaviness before the doors opened up to reveal the demon Primarch. She was upset at Perturabo but she had to wait to be able to voice it again... She was struggling to talk still and not bite her tongue off...

And Finally... another in the timeline of Penelope goes to Roboute first but of her dealing with the Inquisition

Pain blossomed through her cheek as she glared at the Lord Inquisitor who had dared backhanded her. If there was one thing she had learned being Perturabo's wife... it was /spite/ not that she didn't have much of it before becoming his wife but she learned how to weaponize it. The room was in an intense stalemate of guns and bolters and weapons all pointed, rifle red dots danced across his brow from outside the large windows. She exhaled from her nose like a grox bull as she turned back to face him; religious fanatics /all/ of them... but he especially so... "Was that that best you could do? I've had head serf mistresses beat me harder than that slap..." Penelope says ignoring the still red hot pain in her cheek. Such a passionate man stood in front of her as she goaded his anger. Her hand fiddling with the iron necklace... her finger pushing the hidden button on the Legion emblem on the necklace. A barrel pushed to her forehead, "Whatever trick you think you could pull isn't going to work. I don't see why the Regent bothered inviting /you/ in... a whore to a traitor." "Not a whore... a wife." Penelope says softly as if she is gently chiding one of her handmaidens, she is pleased that he allowed Ajax to be removed from the room by her handmaids. "Tell me Lord Inquisitor what do you know of my husband? Do you know how wonderfully brilliant he is-" She pauses inhaling remembering..., "How brilliant he was? How skilled he was inventing and crafting? He made the entirety of the Iron Amaranthos... all of her designs was his doing. So tell me... what do you know of him?" Penelope just smiles as he glares at her. "Tell me... do you feel like you have reflexes faster than a Primarch?" "What-" Her Iron Circle teleported in... two right next to her enveloping her within the personal shields of the automata. The Inquisitor was disarmed and two swords a hairs width away from his neck rested. Her Iron Circle was made to guarantee her survival... her sons were there to guarantee that Ajax could survive. "Aren't they beautiful?" She gestures to the automata. Iron Gladiolus flowers decorate the automata as they were far more visually appealing then his personal Iron Circle, "He hand made these." Her fingers brush along the delicate looking metal work, "Made to be exactly like his personal Iron Circle... made to keep up with a Primarch and be his honor guard. I told him they were overkill... it was far too much to give me five thousand of his sons and an Iron Circle of my own... much less four of them." Penelope's gaze dims slightly lost in the memory, "He told me four was only right since I was legion mother of the fourth legion." Sadness warbles in her voice but it hardens back as she looks at him leaning against Odysseys as Ares and Helios held the swords to his throat as Zeus took his place beside her.  /Why bother naming them?/ Perturabo said trying to keep the dismissive tone in his voice away. /Because you made them and everything you make gets some sort of a name/ "So Lord Inquisitor... Do you think your  reflexes are better than a Primarchs?" Penelope cooed pressing a kiss against the metal

[cumulo-stratus]

Flashback

Pairing: dad!Spencer Reid x gn!Reader

Summary: spencer discusses his thoughts around having kids with his spouse after putting their daughter Diana to bed.

Warnings: mentions of drug abuse/addiction, mentions of cannon typical violence, discussions of having kids(obviously), poor insecure Spencer 🥺🥺

A/N : this was written for the @cmgiftexchange!! I wrote this for @omgbigfluffwriting, I hope you enjoy it and that I did your prompt well!! Merry Christmas <33

wc: 1.7k

The sound of giggling filled the Reid household as you chased the mini-Reid through the kitchen and into the living area. When you finally caught Diana you slipped your hands under her arms and swung her up onto your hip with a cheer. When you both finally caught your breaths you made eye contact with your husband who had a scolding look on his face, but there was still a smile twitching at lips at the scene he had just witnessed. “You know she has to be in bed in- 15 minutes!” Spencer paused and looked down at his watch to emphasize his point about how close it was to Diana's bed time. You just sighed dramatically and addressed your daughter “Well, I think your dads right- we gotta get you to bed- it's a school night!”.

After much kid wrangling and only one bedtime story bribe, Diana was sound asleep and safe- leaving you and your husband for some alone time together. After so many years of being together, you and Spencer dont find there's a need to fill the silence you're often draped in. 

But that night the silence got Spencer thinking. Thinking about you, thinking about Diana, thinking about the life he's built for himself. If he was being honest with himself he never thought he would be here. A spouse and a child, a house. It was more than 23 years old Dr. Spencer Reid, new BAU agent could have possibly imagined. A spouse, let alone a child. 

Those thoughts were even more discouraged when he was kidnapped by Tobias Hankle. Spencer considered that one of his lowest points, he had been tortured and drugged- how could it not be. That's not even to mention the addiction that followed. He was in pieces, mentally and physically. Even after he got clean, Spencer often told himself that he wasn't worthy of children. That he would be worse than his own dad. And without you there to reassure him as you often did after you met, these beliefs solidified in his mind. 

“Y/n?” You looked over at Spencer from where you were lying across from him on the couch. Your questioning look was enough of an answer for Spencer so he continued, “did you always want kids? I used to think I didn't deserve kids”. You gave Spencer a look of pity, you hated when he had thoughts at his own expense. And he knew that. But Spencer couldn't help himself. 

“First of all, Diana loves you and you're the best father for her- full stop. Second of all, I always wanted kids, I think you did too”. Spencer nodded, he had always wanted kids- it was his mind that told him not to. 

“I didn't really start believing that kids were a possibility when I met you”. Spencer smiled warmly when he spoke, his eidetic memory not failing to remember any details from when you first met.

——

Spencer was sat his car that he rarely drove, going to the supermarket, which he rarely did. But it wasn't often that he spiraled into a depressive episode after seeing his girlfriend murdered in front of him, so he thought a change of pace might do him some good. Or more like penelope garcia thought it would do him some goo

That’s how he ended up strolling through the public park on a Tuesday afternoon in april. It was sunny and warm, a stark contrast to the sunken purple bags under Spencer's eyes and the wrinkly shirt that probably should’ve been washed before leaving the house. 

But you- in spencers eyes you were a beauty unto yourself, regardless of what you were wearing. That was one thing that hadn’t changed since he met you, and he swore never would.

To be honest, it was by luck that Spencer had run into you; you were with your nephew as babysitter for the day when he started bothering spencer. Needless to say you were very apologetic.

“Tom, no! leave that man alone! i'm so sorry sir, he doesn't mean it”

You were extremely apologetic, ushering your nephew away from the stranger. Spencer was flustered but understanding, red evident on his cheeks.

Skip to a few hours later and Spencer had spent the entire time with you. It was the best Spencer had felt in weeks, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. 

That night he couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened; walking around with you, talking with you, meeting your nephew and sister. Spending time with your nephew, it got him thinking. Spencer had tucked away the idea of having kids far into a little nook into his mind, and spending time with Tom dredged it up from the depths of his brain. 

Despite still reeling with the death of his girlfriend, Spencer still couldn't get the thought of having kids and being a dad out of his head. It nagged at him all the time, and the thoughts got loud when he was with you. Picturing you as a parent during your coffee dates. 

Although Spencer Reid has an IQ of 187, and an eidetic memory, it still took him weeks to realize why he couldn’t get the thought of children out of his head; because he wanted to be a dad. He wanted to care for someone, knowing that they rely on him. 

——

“Spencer? Spence?” 

Spencer is pulled from his thoughts of when the couple first met by your soft voice. You had a small look of concern on your face at your husband's lack of awareness of the current reality. Spencer hummed in response to ease your worries. “What's got you with that Spencer Reid Far Off Look ™ in your eyes huh?” you asked. Spencer chuckles, and responds, “Just thinking about when we first met… after Maeve died- it's what got me thinking about having kids you know-”. it's your turn to chuckle now, remembering the embarrassment of having to usher away your nephew. Though your eyes held a sympathetic look at the mention of maeve, it would always be a bit of a sensitive subject. 

“Ya, we have tom to thank for that. But I didn't know that's when you started thinking of kids- I thought it was later, when you first talked to me about it”.

——

It was 1:03 am, and Spencer was still awake, to be fair he had just gotten back from a bad case. It was always bad when it involved kids, Spencer couldn't get the face of the little girl they couldn't save in time out of his head. Thoughts raced through his head, but he would never tell you about them- after all you had only been together for a couple months. Spencer couldn't risk being that vulnerable with you.

So here he was, tossing and turning at one am over a case he couldn't get out of his head- trying not to wake up the sleeping figure beside him. He couldn't stop thinking about if that little girl had been his little girl. What would he do then? Spencer didn’t know if he could handle having another human rely on him so heavily- what if he let them down. What if he became like his own father, something he swore he would never do. 

In all of Spencer's spiraling thoughts he hadn’t noticed that you had woken up from the constant shifting of the bed, which was caused by his  incessant tossing and turning in bed. You noticed the look in Spencer's eyes was one you knew well, it was a look that said the gears were turning a little too fast in that big beautiful brain of his. 

But before you could say anything, Spencer got to it first. “Would I- would I be a good dad?” You were caught off guard by Spencer's question, not expecting him to bring that up. But you could tell Spencer had been thinking about it for a while, if the worry crease between his eyebrows was anything to go by.

“I think you’d be a great dad spence- your kind, your caring, you have an amazing compacité to be there for other people, i think especially if it was your kid..”

You speak in a quiet, comforting tone in order to release at least some of the anxiety your boyfriend is harboring. In an effort to punctuate your point you give Spencer a small squeeze on the arm, hoping it would provide at least a little bit of comfort.

Spencer offered a nod in response not quite knowing what to say to his partner's kindness. Instead of speaking Spencer just rolled from the other side of the bed into your warm embrace, which contrasted the cool breeze from the open window.

——

Spencer comes back from his thoughts by the sound of small feet pitter pattering on the hardwood floors. you don't comment on your husband's spacey-ness that evening, instead opting to sit up and find the source of the sound. 

Which you find out to be the small feet of Diana Reid, who had woken up from a bad dream and sought out the comfort of her parents. Her small frame struggled to climb onto the large bed, so Spencer lifted her up by her armpits and placed her between him and you.

“Cant sleep?”

You ask though the dark, soothingly running your fingers through her curly hair.

“ya.. i had a bad dream and couldn’t fall back asleep”

Her voice is small, the six year old still a bit embarrassed at needing to sleep in her parents bedroom, but Spencer's calming hand running up and down her back helped ease some of the embarrassment and helped her sink into her loving parents arms.

“That’s okay, you can always sleep in here with us if you want”

Spencer says as he kisses Diana's head, and the little girl is already falling asleep in the couple's arms. Both Spencer and you look down at your daughter, now fast asleep in between you, and it puts a smile on your faces. And you can't help but lean over and place a haste kiss on spencers lips and say;

“You know I told you you’d be a good dad”

you had a bit of a sly smirk on your face as Spencer chuckled, and he responded “I guess you were right huh”. And that's how the Reid family fell asleep, contented in each other's arms.

The End

[fifteendoc]

theres no way some of you really think lord debling was the better option.

maybe a man that doesnt give a shit and will leave you for 3 years is the best for YOU but penelope wants and needs someone that cares for her, she has been dreaming about love since she was a kid.

she never had a loving family, never had support either, she felt alone her whole life (even though she had eloise and colin). she was ignored and bullied.

she deserves the love she always wanted and she wants a REAL family, a loving one and colin will gladly give it to her because BREAKING NEWS he always loved and cared for her

debling doesnt want a wife, he wants a housekeeper that will take care of his house for free while hes away. he would literally leave her with the family he said he absolutely despises. you guys really think she would be happier with him than she will be with the literal love of her life?

yes, penelope wants freedom and a husband would be able to give her that but i feel like some of you are forgetting that she also wants someone who will love her. one of the first things she asks debling is if he would be able to love her in the future and he says right away it would be difficult. perhaps some of you didnt pay attention to how disappointed she was at that moment. she wouldnt be happy in a marriage with him

do you really think penelope, who has been so lonely her whole life would be happy living like that?

you guys want love for anthony, daphne, francesca and benedict. why is pen any different?

again, she wants freedom but she also wants affection and happiness, if thats not for you and you would rather have a relationship with someone who will never be around thats fine but its not what she wants