#but mine… it’s just… i hate it so much

[hopeastrz]

𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐈𝐗🧺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

𝟓𝟎% 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐄 ON ALL OF MY CHART READINGS!.

check previous observations (𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄)

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑: 𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫/𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬…

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: i chose to analyze my previous SR charts so these observations are based on my own experience!, also 𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐄 𝐔𝐏 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃!.

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈: 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒🦚✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

𝐓𝐚𝘂𝗿𝘂𝘀 𝐦𝐚𝗿𝘀 really hate getting hungry they turn to a very angry hulk when they want food but there isn’t any around them yet!— full taurus, happy taurus.

I think 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝘁𝘆 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞𝘀 are overrated and here’s a hot-take, we have 12th houses and 10 planets, even if it’s possible to have a planet in each house there’ll be 2 houses empty, surprise there will always be an empty house in your chart, and that doesn’t have to mean necessarily a bad thing!.

Having 0 planets on the 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 for example may mean that you just don’t focus about that house matters daily, yes you take care of your health but your life doesn’t revolve around it!, you go to the gym every now and then, eat decent meals, and that it!, unlike 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 people you’re not a gym rat, and you may not stick to a diet routine throughout your life, it’s that simple, also please correct me if i’m wrong!.

I noticed that when 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝘂𝘀 𝐚𝘀𝐩𝐞𝐜𝘁𝘀 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧(especially neutral and harmonious aspects) it blesses these natives with a great talent and love for cooking and they also don’t cook for anyone just people whom they cherish.

On the other hand 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝘀𝐩𝐞𝐜𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝐨 𝐍𝐞𝐩𝘁𝘂𝐧𝐞 people may consider cooking as an escapism for them, whenever they feel drained or stressed they may bake a cake or a warm meal to make themselves feel better, and they also may be the type to cook with wines and vodka!.

𝐀𝐪𝘂𝐚𝗿𝐢𝘂𝘀 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝘁𝘀 have an extremely chaotic life and I’m not even joking, they go through the weirdest situations ever.. like please explain to me what could possibly lead you to get lost at an empty arcade in the middle of the night and instead of seeking help you decide to take some pictures for your snap streaks??? (Yes, that’s actually what a friend of mine did and she’s an aqua dominant💁🏻‍♀️)

Also speaking on 𝐀𝐪𝘂𝐚𝗿𝐢𝐚𝐧𝘀, why do you like surprising people so much?, and i mean it literally with all this pranks and shit, i blame uranus influence tbh.

It is said that people with 𝟏𝟎𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝘁𝘀 are workaholics, but they aren’t the only ones, i believe that 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞𝗿𝘀 are way more work dedicated— and addicted than anyone else, because if there’s a thing they do best is following a routine, that’s why they excel anywhere, you just put a plan for them and they’ll follow!.

Also why do 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝗿𝐨𝐧 believe that their work defines their worth, and the more they get exhausted by work it means it pays off better.. HELLO?? IT DOESN’T WORK THIS WAY IN THIS ECONOMY??? HOSPITAL BILLS ARE DISASTROUS PLEASE TAKE A FREAKING BREAK WHEN NEEDED!

I’m not joking my cousin is about to turn into a giant raccoon with all these dark circles she barley sleeps, barley eats and you can never catch her having a break this woman is about to go crazy💀.

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝗿𝐚 𝘃𝐞𝐧𝘂𝘀 have the best eye for aesthetic, and i know i said it before but really, they have a very strange ability to make things that don’t match actually very presentable beautifully!.

When 𝐉𝘂𝐩𝐢𝘁𝐞𝗿 𝐚𝘀𝐩𝐞𝐜𝘁𝘀 𝐒𝐚𝘁𝘂𝗿𝐧 that makes you choose long term partners very carefully, those people know themselves and their needs well enough to decide what’s good and bad for them, they don’t rush it, that’s why they always get the best outcome, and you can see this manifest in both of Rihanna and Beyoncé birth charts!.

Also 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝟏𝟏°,𝟐𝟑° people are very, very, veryyyyy creative it’s mind blowing they really think outside the box.

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬 do actually suffer from hyper independence and you can’t tell me otherwise, i was in a group project with one of my friends (me being a libra sun and them being an Aries sun) i thought that we should have at least one man with us to handle all the tough work and pay for some things yadada, however they on the other hand really wanted to do all this shit by themselves (mind you both of us are the first daughters of our families) and we were supposed to go to god knows where shitty places to get the project done, we really almost killed each other then trying to prove our points.. oh yeah and they ended up winning.

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 have a very, very soft skin and it’s not even a joke anymore im so jealous!, also the chest area is really really prominent no jokes.

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐈: 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 🪴⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

When i had 𝟗𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧, my grandparents who haven’t visited us for more than 4+ years came back from london (which was considered a miracle since it just wasn’t supposed to happen), and then we both traveled then together on a short trip, and i also noticed that whenever i had 𝟗𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟗𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 i traveled to a place that was full of water, going to a beach, the ocean etc.. and it may also indicate going back to our roots.

My favorite years are the ones with 𝟓𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, the amount of joy, new experiences and the excitement that surrounds you throughout the year can’t be described by words only, and it doesn’t really revolve around romantic relationships only, i don’t date and whenever i had my 𝐒��𝐧/𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧/𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬/𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟓𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 it felt like i was healing my inner child, i found myself indulging more in art, these were the years where i got introduced to my most creative and artistic self!.

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 is no joke, I felt the need to become my best self 24/7, also my peers in uni got on my nerves more than ever.

When astroblr community said that having 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐂 grants you luck throughout the year i thought they were joking but no, it’s 100% legit, everything worked in my favor fr, dude even my periods came on the best date’s it’s crazy, oh and i also got social media semi famous, i had 2 reels on instagram pass 2m views (bonus; that year i had 𝟓𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐨, which means short term or quick fame!)

When i had a 𝟒𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 ��𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫, i felt more connected with my mom, and she also felt the same way— we both talked more with each other! Also I bought lots of posters for my room, and a new vanity!, oh yeah and since it was in leo i noticed that took a good care of my hair, it’s crazy how astrology can be literal sometimes.

[tititilani]

I can't stop thinking about if Simon had taken Edwin's offer

Like Charles finds Edwin in the hallway as ever but this time there's another boy there too, cowering against the wall next to him. Maybe the dollhead spider doesn't care about Simon, too busy focusing on its favorite target, so Charles is left standing in the hallway with Simon when Edwin is taken.

They get out of hell, but Edwin doesn't confess due to Simon hovering behind his elbow. He doesn't want to confess his emotions in front of his killer, who he probably hasn't even properly figured out how he's feeling towards yet.

The Night Nurse is pissed they came out with an extra soul but Niko's same loophole still applies and Simon stays.

"This is Simon," Edwin says when it's all said and done, finally introducing the boy that's been hiding behind him since the door closed. "He was a...classmate of mine."

"He saved me," Simon says, looking up at Edwin moony-eyed and Charles knows that look and something settles heavy in his stomach.

"Glad to have ya, mate," he tells him even though the words taste sour. This other boy knew Edwin when he was alive, the thought is slightly terrifying to him.

Simon settles in fine with the agency even if the agency feels a little crowded now with five people in it but he continues to moon over Edwin and Edwin just...never tells anyone how they actually knew each other. He reasons it just doesn't matter, that he can't find the right time, whatever.

Charles never really warms up to him, though he tries to hide it, but he sees the looks Simon gives Edwin, a soppy smitten look that is somehow worse than anything Monty or the Cat King ever tried with Edwin because of all of them, Simon arguably knows the most about like Edwardian courting. That, like Edwin, Simon has also survived hell. Charles hates the idea that someone could potentially understand Edwin more than he does.

He hates it so much that nothing further happens between him and Crystal because the idea of Edwin being left alone with Simon bothers him so much. He sees Simon adjusting Edwin's collar one (1) time and it makes him feel sick.

And then there's the fortune-teller.

They only go to her sometimes for cases because she never fails to freak Charles out but her prophecies tend to be accurate like 60% of the time which is pretty good for a fortune teller. She looks at the two of them at the end, because it is just the two of them for once, and then looks just at Edwin.

"How kind you are," she says, the words a compliment but the tone snide. "To house your killer. Pray tell it doesn't come back to you."

"What." Charles says. "The fuck."

Charles is furious, of course, and it takes Edwin a long time to talk him out of smashing Simon's face in with the new cricket bat.

"He's like me," he insists in that quiet but firm voice. Charles wants to scream that Simon is nothing like Edwin - that he doesn't have a fraction of Edwin's kindness or pissiness, that his blue eyes are not nearly as beautiful as Edwin's green - but before he can even open his mouth, Edwin continues. "He...He likes boys, Charles. He likes me."

Oh. Oh.

Charles stares at Edwin who is looking back at him, trying and failing to hide the fact he's terrified, and Charles doesn't give one shit that Edwin likes boys because he's his best mate forever. He's still pissed that Simon is apparently staying but he has to hug Edwin at that. "I'm still pissed you didn't tell me about him," is all he says, swallowing back the other words he wants to say.

Charles grows even more paranoid about Simon being around, who has to get used to the fact that Charles takes to swinging his cricket bat ominously every time he comes within ten feet of Edwin. He finds out that adjusting clothing was an Edwardian courting thing and wants to break something. The very idea the very person who killed his best mate is now trying to put the moves on said best mate pisses him off.

It also makes him think of numerous times Edwin had readjusted his collar or jacket in the past and it makes his non-existent stomach flip.

Eventually, Simon decides he's ready to move on to his after-life and Charles keeps his hands from fisting when he looks at Edwin with that same soppy look. He knows Edwin has forgiven Simon by now but Charles has always been better at holding a grudge and he knows what is going to come out of Simon's mouth before he even asks. He knows that if Edwin says yes, he won't stop him.

Charles also knows that if Edwin does, there is no way he is going to find any kind of his own afterlife.

"You could come with me," Simon says hopefully and the moment after is the longest in Charles' life.

"Thank you, Simon," Edwin says kindly and Charles has to keep himself from crying. "But I have no interest in going anywhere without Charles."

He steps back - away from Simon and back towards Charles. Ears suspiciously pink, Edwin links their hands and they watch as Simon follows the Night Nurse.

[ibetonlosinghuskies]

patience and pleasure pt 1

summary: paige asks azzi to do her makeup before their last game.

warnings: slight angst, some suggestive language.

disclaimer: everything i write is a work of fiction. any and all similarities to real life is not intentional!

word count: 1.3k +

(authors note: this is my first ever fanfic, please be kind!)

azzi's pov

we’ve been inseparable since high school.

paige is the only person i’ve ever played with that really sees me. i knew from her highlights that she was great with assists but i mean...it’s like she felt me.

she knew where i was every time i stepped foot on that court and i couldn’t shake that feeling since the first time we played together. every time she entered a room, i could feel her gaze even when she wasn’t looking at me.

we had gotten…close. i mean, sleep over at my house for months straight close. 

i didn’t mind though, paige was a sweetheart and i’d never say this to her face but i loved being around her. 

she was the type of person to make everyone feel special but i always felt like she had a soft spot just for me.

naturally, paige had a very loud and energetic tone that was essential to hyping up everyone on the team. oftentimes, this tone would carry on off the court. however, every time paige spoke to me she would soften her tone. the difference was day and night, really.

she spoke to me like she was afraid of scaring me away. there was a soft openness to her voice. i'd even catch our teammates rolling their eyes at how she spoke to me. it was little things like that that made me fall for paige.

tonight was our last game of regular season, everyone was much quieter than normal. there was a heaviness to this game that went unspoken.

i hadn't let myself think too much about what i'd be like to play without paige. i'd grown so close to her, watching her play was like seeing a piece of my heart personified outside of my body.

i pull my shirt over my head to change into my jersey and i can feel her eyes follow. a soft heat warms my skin as her gaze follows my movements.

really, bueckers? we're not even gonna try to be smooth about it today? have you no shame?

knowing she's watching, i slid off my sweats slowly shifting my weight from side to side. i wanted to catch her looking, to finally make her blush but i let her off the hook this time.

a few moments later, i overhear a frustrated groan from paige. 

“dude i totally forgot my makeup bag. can i borrow some of your stuff?” 

“sure p, you know where it is,” i motioned with my head. 

paige tilts her head to the side like a puppy and gives me a few disappointed blinks.

god, she cannot look at me like that.

“azzi yk i hate putting on makeup myself, plus it always ends up better when you do it…please it’s our last game," she complains.

my heart fluttered a bit, but i controlled my expression. “god, what else can i do for you tonight princess p?” i ask sarcastically. 

“well…if you’re gonna offer—“ she smirks.

i cut her off before she can start making requests. “shut up and sit down,” i say pulling out my makeup bag. we straddle the bench facing each other as i lean in.

paige casually places her hands atop my thighs to lean in closer. i'm no stranger to her touch but my breath hitches every time her skin meets mine. she must hear it because not long after her eyes shoot up to meet my gaze. i try not to stare, i can't look at her for too long.

she's so pretty, it hurts.

i feel her soft breath hit my cheek as i pull closer to her. i pull out my lipliner to start applying and motion for her to pucker her lips and she does almost instinctually.

she's so quick to listen to me, hm.

i allow my mind to drift for a moment before focusing in to line her lips. she pouts as i apply my lipgloss to her lips, despite it not being her shade, it looks great on her. it brings out a rosy pink hue in her cheeks... or maybe she's just blushing.

gently, i start brushing brown eyeshadow into the creases of her eyelids.

with her eyes still closed, paige says, “azzi there’s something i wanted to tell you.” 

i have to pause what i’m doing to regain my composure. “yeah…sure what’s up?” i try to sound nonchalant but it comes across more apathetic. 

she opens her eyes now. 

“i was just thinking this could be the last time we step out on the court in the same jersey. i’m so blessed to have you. i just wanted you to know how much i really…uh...care…for you”, her voice cracks a bit as i watch her fight back tears. 

see? this is what i mean, she always makes everyone feel so special. only paige would take the time to tell me this.

it's rare i see paige get emotional, the last time i saw her cry was when i tore my acl. i have the immediate urge to hold her but i resist.

i can tell she has more to say but i don't want to pry.

“aw paige, i care for you too” (more than she knows) “you’re such a softie sometimes,” i playfully push her shoulder.

“don’t say that too loud…seriously," she clears her throat. "anyways, are you gonna take all day to do my makeup, we have a game to go to you know,” she rolls her eyes dramatically. 

“oh hush,” i snap back. she closes her eyes with a soft smile as continue. i tuck a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and take a moment to admire her. 

paige is right though…this is our last game. this could be the last time I play with her. our last warmup routine, our last pregame photoshoot, our last everything.

i see all of our memories flash through my mind. so much of what makes me who i am, comes from her.

i feel like my entire world just collapsed, it finally hit me. my girl, my paige, could be leaving me forever. what if i never feel that feeling again? the feeling i got when we first stepped on the court together. a balance between unsettling vulnerability and overwhelming peace. it was like i'd been drowning all my life, paige was the air. all our lives we had played together. we'd fallen into such a easy rhythm i'd never imagined my life without her.

paige is so precious to me. she's the light behind my eyes even in my darkest moments. throughout everything, she'd been there, always.

my heartbeat quickens and i'm thankful that paige's eyes are still closed so she doesn't have to see me tear up.

before i can stop myself, i'm leaning in. my lips meet the top of her eyelids. like butterflies, her eyelashes flutter underneath my lips. in this moment, shorter than a heartbeat, i exhale and paige breathes me in.

i've never seen paige sit this still. it almost feels unreal, i start to wonder if i'm dreaming. an anxious knot builds in my stomach.

what was i thinking? this was probably so weird to her.

“az-" she blinks. i'm relieved to finally catch her eye but her expression is unreadable. at that moment, coach walks in. 

“ladies, fashion show is over. on the court in five,” geno yells. 

afraid of her expression, my eyes stayed glued to my makeup bag as i pack everything up. i feel her eyes burn into my skin and i want to say something.

but what can i even say to her? i'm sorry i kissed you? i'm sorry this is our last game and i never imagined life without you? i'm sorry i'm still thinking about kissing you now?

“all done, now you’re game ready,” i say with a sigh, still looking down. i didn't have to look back up at her to know she looked beautiful.

i quickly turn walking towards my stuff, when i notice a bright purple bag poking out of paige's backpack.

her makeup bag.

[wave2tyun]

gold rush | ☆

pairing: yeonjun x reader

genre: highschool!au, band member!yeonjun, friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst

prompts: “make me”

“mine”

warnings: none!

word count: 2k

a/n: gold rush anon i don't know if you are still around but if you see this by chance i miss you, and this repost goes out to you<33 ily!!!!😔😔✊💞💞

☆ = repost from my old blog!!

• credit to @/kilibae_0913 on twitter for the yeonjun pic!!

“earth to y/n” yeonjun waved his hand in front of your face “are you even listening to me right now?”

“no- yeah” you blurted out “fuck- sorry, can you repeat that again?”

you and yeonjun were sitting in the school’s cafeteria at your usual spot. as much as you loved talking with him, the history test you took earlier had you completely zoning out. you were too stressed wondering whether you actually wrote the correct answers or whether you messed up all the events again.

“ah- cute” he chuckled, putting his arm around your shoulder. this had always been a regular occurrence: a quick compliment muttered underneath his breath, followed by some sort of physical touch. to him- it was probably just normal behavior, he had a pretty charming and flirty persona after all. but to you? the moment those playful remarks leave his mouth, you can feel your cheeks flushing red in anticipation of his next actions. and you hated it- you hated how you had little to no control over how your body would react to his touch or his words, how your feelings are left in plain sight.

“so-“ yeonjun resumed the conversation “i was asking whether you-” he pointed a finger to your face “-are coming to the music festival tonight. our band is playing- the principal signed us up” a proud smile took over his face.

you bit the inside of your cheek. the music festival? it didn’t exactly sound like a great idea. ever since yeonjun’s band had started gaining popularity, people were all over him. it was bad enough that you had to handle this at school: shushed whispers as others saw him talking to you, girls giggling whenever they passed by him in the hallways. everybody wanted him- everybody wondered what it would be like to be loved and adored by choi yeonjun, including you. but you never had the guts to tell him anything. if continuing to be in his presence meant that you were only supposed to remain his friend, then you were content with that.

the music festival would only make you wallow yourself in even more self-pity. people from all over the town were going to attend it, not just students and teachers from your school, and you weren’t sure whether you could handle seeing everybody’s heart eyes upon seeing yeonjun. however, you couldn’t just choose not to go. you had to set your own feelings aside and put his first.

sensing your hesitation, yeonjun cleared his throat before speaking again “you know i’m not taking ‘no’ as an answer- you have to be there, you’re my good luck charm”

“i know, dummy” you sighed “of course i’ll be there” you playfully flicked his forehead, making sure to put on your best smile so that he wouldn’t feel your lingering worries. yeonjun returned the favour, lightly flicking your forehead back, only to rub the spot with his thumb right after, attempting to soothe your pain.

“thank you, i knew i could count on you” he whispered.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“looking for yeonjun?” beomgyu (yeonjun’s bandmate) asked you. you were standing near the backstage entrance. yeonjun had asked you to meet him in their waiting room, but you were unsure whether you were even allowed past this door. you didn’t exactly have valid proof to show the guards that someone wanted you in there.

“yeah, i texted him to come pick me up but he still hasn’t read my messages” you rubbed the nape of your neck.

“that fool- he’s too busy nervously pacing around the room to check his phone. i’ll help you get in- come on” beomgyu offered.

you thanked him, relieved that you didn’t have to put your ‘sneaking in’ skills to the test. you didn’t have much faith in them, cause 2 out of 3 times you’ve done that before you got caught. seeing beomgyu by your side, the guards didn’t question anything, and you made it in safely.

beomgyu knocked on the door only after entering “you’ve got visitors” he said, then turned on his heel, ready to return to what he was previously doing. yeonjun got up from the couch, the frown on his face gone upon seeing you “you’re here” he smiled, opening his arms wide to capture you in his embrace, swinging your body from side to side

“if someone had checked their phone- i could have arrived here even earlier” you complained. you had to think of some way to repay beomgyu after this.

“i’m so sorry about that” yeonjun broke the hug “but i’ve got a good excuse for it” he walked to the couch to rummage through his bag. “and that is?” you questioned him, quirking up an eyebrow.

“i was busy getting you this” yeonjun put a lanyard through your head. it was a vip badge “now you get to enjoy the show from the first row- and i get to look at you from the stage”

there it went again- that rose blush that loved to take over your cheeks. how could he say that so casually? so nonchalantly? you couldn’t help but wonder whether there was truly no meaning behind his actions “thank you, jun” you played with the badge in your hands “are you nervous?”

yeonjun stretched his neck, then his arms, humming “not really, now that i’ve seen you- definitely not” you pushed his shoulders, laughing together at his cheesy words.

“good luck then. i should get going, you probably need to carry on with the preparations” you said.

“see you after the show?” he asked.

“yeah, see you” you repeated, twisting the doorknob to take your leave.

the venue was starting to get pretty crowded, although it was still quite early. you had your own spot secured, thanks to yeonjun’s little trick. not knowing many others from around you, you scrolled through your phone until the lights dimmed down, the quiet murmurs being replaced by loud cheers. the host’s voice erupted loudly from the speakers: “coming in hot from woolim high school to kick off our night- tomorrow x together”

people’s screams were getting increasingly louder as the five boys got on stage, almost making your ears bleed. you were seriously debating whether you should have brought earplugs with you or not. yeonjun took his place at the mic stand in the center, electric guitar hanging from his shoulders.

“is everybody ready for tonight?” yeonjun asked the crowd, his question being met with an overwhelming enthusiasm from the crowd “let’s get this started then- taehyun, drop the beat” he shouted.

you couldn’t help but smile as you watched him perform, yeonjun was exactly in his element. nobody there could deny it, the place where he belonged to be was the stage. even song after song, his energy didn’t seem to drop, not one single bit, the venue almost burning from his passion.

his hair fell into place like dominos, body glistening under the golden spotlight. god- what must it be like to grow up that beautiful? that question continued to run through your mind with each passing moment, and it didn’t seem like you were the only one experiencing that. you looked around, noticing how everybody’s eyes were glued on yeonjun, screaming, fawning over him, begging him to take their phones and film like he did to others. they desperately wanted to gain, in some sort of way, his attention. you didn’t exactly understand the feeling that was beginning to take over you. you couldn’t even pin-point it. jealousy? disappointment? the realisation that in a room full of people that wanted him, there would be slim chances that he’d pick you, was beginning to settle in.

everything was starting to get all too overwhelming, in a way, suffocating. you couldn’t bear to stay in there, even though txt’s setlist was close to ending. pushing through the crowd, you struggled to get out of the massive swarm of people. you somehow managed to get outside, breathing in the night’s crisp air slowly.

‘fuck’

you left your bag in the band’s waiting room. you glanced over at your watch, praying that you had enough time to get in and out of there without bumping into yeonjun. you didn’t know how long it would take him to notice you missing.

luckily, that same guard that you saw with beomgyu was still standing at the backstage entrance. knowing that you were a familiar face, and noticing your badge as well, he allowed you to walk past after explaining your situation. you also slipped in a little lie, saying that you were feeling unwell and had to go back home quickly, just to make sure that he wouldn’t get in your way.

your eyes frantically scanned the room, searching for the small black bag that you had brought along with you. it was placed neatly on the coat hanger. you reached out to take it, your body freezing on the spot after hearing the door open. yeonjun abruptly entered the room. he placed his hands on his knees, panting as he was struggling to breathe properly. it seemed like he ran to get there right after the last performance “are you leaving?” he asked, chest heaving “why? are you okay- did something happen?”

you put your hand down, your gaze shifting from his face to the floor. you gulped- you got caught. you knew that you were supposed to face him again, one way or another, but you weren’t prepared to do it tonight, not when your head was such a big mess "i can't be around you" you admitted. every single part of your body didn’t want to be there, in that situation. your words received a frown from yeonjun. he was confused, he didn’t know why you were saying that all of a sudden "why?" he probed on further, coming closer to you. "you know why” your voice trailed off, eyes searching everywhere except for his own “you just fail to accept it. recognize it"

“then do it” yeonjun took another step closer “help me understand so i can accept it” he wrapped your hand in both of his, bringing it close to his chest. you looked at the way he was holding on to you, stopping you from simply running away from him. you shook your head, trying to swallow the heavy lump that was forming in your throat. you couldn’t find the strength to explain your feelings out loud. “why?” he repeated once more, still not satisfied with your answers “i want you to do it. if you want me to accept it- make me” yeonjun spoke softly, thumb rubbing the back of your hand “why won’t you let your heart control your actions for once instead of your mind?”

his words kept ringing in your mind, each time winning a little bit more over the thoughts that had been relentlessly holding you back. you blinked away the tears forming in your eyes, slowly retracting your hand away from yeonjun’s, his smile starting to fade. “please don’t hate me after this” you whispered, placing your hands on his shoulders as you rose to the tips of your feet, capturing his lips in a short peck. yeonjun’s lips lingered, barely 1 cm away from yours, curving up into a smile. his hands found their way on your waist, holding you close to him “i’ve always wanted to do this with you” he chuckled, dipping his head down for more. his kiss was tentative and slow. it felt tender, yet full of passion, like he was pouring all of his bottled up feelings through this delicate touch “mine” he whispered in between “i want to call you mine”

this time, his words didn’t make heat rise only to your cheeks. instead, you felt warmth spread throughout your whole body. your hands cupped his cheeks and you reached out for another kiss ��i’m all yours” you muttered against his lips. you rested your forehead against his, the close proximity not letting your palpitating heart calm down, not even for one bit. but you enjoyed it, you loved the way it felt to have his body close to you, to finally have him truly own your heart, and you owning his.

the door opened briefly, then got slammed shut just one second after, startling both you and yeonjun “i told you he’d kiss her” beomgyu shouted at his members.

taglist: @huekalover3000 @maybabe00 @sunoooism @boba-beom @ujisworld

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, SMUT (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, mental health struggles, eating disorder, self doubt, body image issues, daddy kink, angst, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Warning! This chapter focus on mental health struggles and body image issues (depression and ed) It’s a little dark so if that is at all potentially triggering to you please be advised and do not interact.

Chapter 20 - Miss Mama | ‘Ours’

“She’s okay? God, please tell me she’s okay.” Trent asked in a voice that was heart wrenching. Lauren felt her heart shatter listening to him sound so meek and broken.

“Erm… physically so so, emotionally, T, I’ll be honest it’s not good. I know she fucked up but this isn’t good for you two to be apart. I’m worried.” Lauren croaked out. “I’m here with her now but….” She tried to begin to provide some sort of update but Trent cut her off.

“I need her to be okay, Lauren. I can’t have her like this. I need her. She… She’s my whole world. I am nothing without her. I’m so worried. I was the one that caused all of this. I need her to be okay.” He started to cry. Lauren could hear the gasps for air and sniffles through the phone. “I.. God, I l..love her so much.” Trent began to stutter interspersed between his tears. Lauren hadn’t really ever heard him cry but she understood wholeheartedly how upset he must’ve felt because she was feeling pretty much the same way.

“I know…  I know you do, T. I think she needs to come home. She needs you. Seriously, I know you guys have a lot to unpack after what’s happened but being away from you, from Teddy… it’s killing her. She’s… she’s not well.” Lauren didn’t know how to describe or even articulate your current state. You were gaunt, your face didn’t have the glow it did when you were with him or your baby. Lauren had seen this version of you before though unfortunately. She hadn’t seen it in years but she’d never forget it. Since Trent entered your life there had been an incandescence about you. Sure, you had dips, everyone does but he was there now to hold you through it all. She recalled an ability you had that she hated to morph your body to completely display your emotional state. Your mental condition contorting into a physical one. “T…” Lauren whimpered, starting to cry. “This isn’t the first time this has happened, I know she’s told you. You’ve been so good for her, you’ve changed her whole outlook on life, you treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I’m just worried because this isn’t the first time I’ve had to do this.” Lauren took a deep breath. 

“I am made for her. I know that. That is my purpose. I am supposed to take care of her and cherish her and I was mad, I was upset but I don’t want this. I never wanted to be the one to kick off something like this. God, I’m going fucking mad, here. Why did I let her leave like that ... .Wait, wait, hold on, do what, Laur?” Trent paused his momentary rant to get Lauren to clarify. 

“Winnie told me about the first time. I hadn’t met Y/N yet. She just was so sick. She wasn’t taking care of herself. I know you already know about these things, I don’t have to relay it all to you again. Honestly, I can barely talk about it. I don't want to have to do this anymore” Lauren’s body shuddered remembering other time’s that she’s been in this very situation. “I’ve watched her destroy herself. She lets herself wither away. I've seen it again and again and I thought we were done. I thought that you’d be the person that finally brought her some peace and seeing her like this again… it’s breaking me. When I came into the apartment… god” Lauren continued to cry, her heart hurting thinking about her best friend struggling to see what everyone around her saw. You were beautiful, inside and out and not in a cliche way, in a way that was indisputable and breathtakingly refreshing. Trent’s stomach dropped. He actually thought he might’ve blacked out while Lauren continued talking.  “She’s okay, she’s safe and asleep but she just really doesn’t want to lose you, she couldn’t handle it.” You didn’t always have the strength to push past the type of destruction you’d inflict on yourself over the years but there was something that Trent was able to do that gave you hope, gave you moments of truly feeling love and value. Lauren believed in you. You could be strong but losing Trent was not something she wanted you to have to ever endure. That was your person. The one that was created and cut, defined and detailed just for you.

“Get her back to me, Lauren. I need her. I am not losing her. You will not lose her. This is stopping now. Whatever you need, just get her back home to me. I’m going to take care of her, I promise.” Trent said sternly. This was over. Being apart was over. Honestly, Trent wanted to just fly to New York right now but he couldn’t because he had a match. He wanted to say fuck football. Trust, he never said that and meant it but he did right now. He knew you’d be mad if he did it and he knew it would cause a stir so he bestowed all his trust in Lauren to get you to him.

As you laid in your bed, Trent was unavoidable in your dreams. He was everywhere. You cried in your sleep. Missing him. You couldn’t get up when your eyes began to flutter open, god knows how much longer later. Enough for Lauren to have your next 24 hours already planned out for you at the least. Your body was paralyzed by the crushing weight feeling as if you ruined your impending marriage and family over a stupid night out you took too far. The tears kept falling. In retrospect, you’re not sure they had stopped for the past few days. You were amazed you had any left in your tear ducts. You thought about how beautiful Trent was and how, in a nearly impossible way, what you created together, Teddy, your baby, was even more beautiful. You could hear their laughs echoing in your head in the most cynical mockery of what you were missing. You missed them so much.

You were filled with a mix of fear, regret, anxiety, heartache, and anticipation when Lauren got you back to your house. You felt your body go cold as you approached your once incredibly warm front door. Lauren stayed outside calling Jude for her own moral support that she needed. You were in a haze but this was really difficult on her as well. You punched in the front door’s code and heard the lock turn and shift. You grabbed the handle and pushed. The smell of your house hit you like a freight train. You could’ve physically fallen over with the amount of memories that flooded your mind at the scent. You covered your face with your hands for a moment and took a deep breath trying to compose yourself. You dropped your bag and your Rimowa at the door just the way you hated Trent did.  The alarm beep rang through the house alerting that a door had opened. The sound was like catnip. You heard the pitter patter of bare feet running clumsily on the hardwood floors. Around the corner swung the most perfect little girl. Her hair laid flat pulled into a bun with a few ringlet curls escaping. She had a light pink shirt on dragging a bear on the ground behind her with one arm holding its paw in her hand. You started to cry immediately.

“Mama!” Teddy cried. Tears coursing down her cheeks. Her initial excitement of who was at the front door halted by the surprise of how much she missed you. This was so unfair to her. You sat on the floor and pulled her into your embrace engulfing her. You sobbing along with her.

“My baby. I missed you so much. I love you so much.  I’m so sorry mummy was away. I’m so sorry, baby.” You pressed your lips to her hair and shut your eyes tight. She didn't really understand why you'd been away but boy was she happy to see you. You never wanted to let go of this little girl. Teddy continued to weep but she slowed eventually. Your hold of her only seeming to get tighter though as she fell into shorter breaths and sounds of hiccups 

“Miss my mama.” She cooed talking into your shirt. You squeezed her that much tighter. Your hand running over her head before you loosened your hold to be able to look at her. You pressed her nose against hers. “Mama no sad.” She whimpered, being able to see how visibly upset you were. It hadn’t actually been more than 72 hours that all this unfolded but you felt like she managed to grow up somehow. She was so emotionally attuned and intelligent. She nuzzled her face into the nape of your neck comforted by your smell and you by hers. 

“Oh baby, I know, I know you missed mama. I missed you so much. I’m not sad, I’m just so happy to see my little Teddy bear, yeah? Were you good for daddy?” The question just fell out like a habit. You shut your eyes barely able to process saying his name to her. It was then you heard ‘daddy’s’ footsteps coming to stand close but what still felt far away watching you in the foyer. He could tell immediately you’d lost weight in the span of days. The curve of your shoulder looked different, your cheekbones just a little more defined. 

“Dada! Mama home!” Teddy pulled away from you and turned around to Trent to tell him the exciting news. He nodded with a smile at her, not looking at you. You weren’t sure if this would be all that exciting of news to him. Nevertheless, you got yourself up on shaky legs. He came over to you in what felt like slow motion. You told yourself you wouldn’t cry. He hated when you cried and you didn’t want to upset him more but you thought you might seeing his gorgeous face again. You had no idea where the two of you stood. He said he was done but you were back home by Lauren's guidance for the sake of your daughter.  She didn’t want to do any of the talking for Trent, she was simply acting as a delivery woman. Trent extended one arm out to you. His big hand grabbing the back of your neck harshly, almost aggressively pulling your sylphlike body into his strong one. He brought his other arm around you slipping low across the small of your back the way he usually did. It was a bone crushing embrace. You felt his chest tremble and then he sniffed in harshly as he began to cry. You made him cry. You shut your eyes, extending the persistence of the horrible feelings you’d had for days. 

“I love you.” You whispered, tucking your face against his neck. Your nose flattened against his soft skin. Teddy stood quietly holding onto your leg not ready to let go. Lauren snuck into the house quietly and grabbed her. “I’m sorry.” you whimpered barely audible. You took a deep breath reveling in the feeling of his warm hold, relief and fear concomitantly falling over you.

“Don’t fucking ever leave us again. Your home, your place in this world is right here in my arms with our little girl. We cannot survive without you here. Do you understand me?” Trent cooed with a stern but shaky voice keeping you tight to his chest. You nodded as your pervasive tears returned. More and more falling the longer he held you. “We love you. God, fuck… I am so in love with you Y/N. Please don’t ever leave me. No matter how much I push, no matter what’s happening, you cannot leave.” He pleaded begging you more than he was instructing you.  

“I don’t want to leave, I don’t want you to not want me anymore. I want to come home, T. You’re the love of my life. You’re the only way I’m able to breathe.” You placed your hand over your heaving chest because your heart began to hurt so badly. 

“You can’t go anywhere else. Not letting you.” He said with a desperate release of air. Your other hand’s nails dug into his cotton t-shirt covering his back. You let him cry, loosening your claw and rubbing circles with your hand on his lower back whilst the other moved off your chest to gently scratch his scalp until he was able to calm down.

“You never cry…” You made the observation giving him a sad smile in between gasping breaths. You wiped the tears under his eyes gently. Guilt and empathy running down your face. 

“You’re worth crying for, baby.” he cupped your cheek. The heartfelt way he said baby to you returning, stilling your racing mind. He looked into your eyes and you felt everything around you disappear. Every worry, every physical thing around you vanishing, only him left. He kissed you and it was like someone restarted your whole nervous system. The cogs in your brain began turning again, the blood in your body began to pump again, your heart began beating again, the color began to rush back into your cheeks. “You owe me a few days of kisses, yeah? Teddy too. She’s desperate, apparently I’m not the same as mama.” He cooed, pulling away momentarily letting you know the work that laid ahead of you before returning his lips to their rightful place on yours.

“Oh no…” you couldn’t help but giggle picturing the conversations they must’ve had. Your lips curling into a toothy smile inadvertently pulling them off his. Listening to the two of them together was precious, you could only imagine what they were saying when they were alone. It made your heart swell seeing those two identical faces together.  “What’d she say?” you asked curious to hear about the exchange. 

“Nah, she had me running, you know? I felt like she knew the game she was playing as well. Dada want this, dada up, dada quiet. Just command after command and then in swept the critiques.” You smiled seeing his eyes light up recalling their days and Teddy’s hold over him.

“No mama does!” She rattled off squirming away as he attempted to do her hair after he placed her on his lap in front of him in a mirror in her room.

“I know she’s the best at it but can you let daddy do it today?” He asked her politely. He pulled her curls back into the best bun he could manage. Brushing it slicked back. She furrowed her brow at the finished product. He looked at her trying to make out why she wasn’t happy. He thought he did a good job.

“Bow! Dada bow, please.” She looked at him back through the mirror like he was dumb pressing her palm onto his thigh. Obviously, he forgot a bow. How did he not know that? He placed it and sighed. He kissed her cheek and plopped her on her own two feet.

“Are we hungry this morning? I am. I’m thinking we have the toastie you like.” Trent cooed looking at her as they walked down the hall inspecting his handiwork on her hair trying to find a flaw that warranted her disgruntled response. Teddy replied with a simple ‘yuck’ keeping her gaze fixed ahead focused on her tiny steps. “What why? What do you want then?” He asked inquisitively with a bit of a smile. It was hard not to laugh at her developing personality. He held her hand but let her navigate the grand staircase in your house roughly by herself. 

“Mama.” She responded to him confidently and calmly knowing not what she wanted to eat but very certain she’d prefer you to be there to make it for her.

“Yeah, well same…” Trent exhaled, inspecting the empty refrigerator he knew you usually filled with all the things you knew he and Teddy liked. It was the little things you did that had disappeared in front of his eyes now missing them tremendously in a day's time.

“I mean… it wasn’t good, baby.” His smile faded as he recalled the last couple days that were filled with some cute moments but more so difficult ones.

“Baby?” You asked, interested if that’s where you stood now. Were you on good terms? One of the last times he said it it really stung.

“Yeah, my baby. Forever but we really need to talk.” He spoke to you softly before taking your hand and guiding you into the cinema. It made you nervous hearing the door shut behind you. The noise reminding you the room had sound proof walls. God, you hoped this wasn’t going to be another loud fight like the one that transpired in your kitchen where you’d need those walls.

“I know we’re talking and it’s serious but…” You took a deep breath and tried to fight back tears. You sat on opposite sides of the couch in the room awkwardly as if you had just met. You looked at him with a pout and puppy dog eyes.  “I’m scared and I really need you. Can you just hold me please?” You whimpered out, quite pathetic. 

“C’mere, pretty girl. This is where you’re supposed to be, yeah?” He smiled softly, loving hearing that you needed him, that he was a comfort to you. You relaxed in his arms, relieved that was the vibe and not you two raising your voices. You laid your head on his shoulder. Trent hugged you tightly and you couldn’t hold back the tears that began to run down your face. You bawled his shirt in your fists.

“T… Who was that in the photos?” You sheepishly asked, unable to keep it inside anymore. You wanted to get what felt like the hard bit out of the way. You were lying to yourself and using him as a scapegoat. This wasn’t the hard part by a long shot. No matter his answer, there was a massive elephant in the room and it was you but you couldn’t shake the photos online of him and that woman. The thought of someone else, another girl spending time alone with him. Her somehow becoming his best friend. Him choosing her over you. 

“Baby…” He drew out the pet name, saddened you’d seen the photos and imagined something completely incorrect. 

“If you did, I’d understand.” You cut him off before he even answered you, excusing an action he didn’t do. He dropped his head back against the couch frustrated this was still where you were at, that things didn’t magically change when you walked back into the house. You believed he could treat you like that and it would be an okay thing, something you might’ve deserved.

“Stop. I didn’t do anything. It was George’s cousin. Baby… we gotta work through this. You need to understand I’m committed to you. This is why I met with her. You need…” He trailed off feeling awkward and terrible for what he was about to say. “ You need help.” He muttered out. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all, T, the final, New York.  I never wanted to hurt you.” You apologized earnestly.

“You didn’t hurt me, I mean you did but I’m more concerned about you hurting yourself. I was scared. I know Lauren told Jude not to but baby, we’re all really worried. They both told me about what happened in the apartment in New York…” He sighed hating that you were even having to have this conversation. You exhaled his name, defeated feeling the same. “Nah, I don’t want a defense or excuse. I can’t lose you.” He tried to deter you from the innate need to defend yourself. 

“Before Wembley… I don’t know. I got too drunk and I was alone and I got sad. It was a one off.” You had no ground to stand on, any reasoning would’ve been illogical but you felt the words jumbled rolling off your tongue. 

“It’s not. When Lauren visited, you got so sad, baby. It’s just not, you’ve said it’s happened before. Your dad told me, Winnie’s told me, Lauren’s told me. It might not be happening in front of me but it’s happening. Baby, I get that it…” He tried to keep talking to you but you gave him a face you gave to a lot of people. A facade of interest. A mask being pulled in front of your face, the elastic band snapping behind your head securing it. “Don’t…” he reprimanded you knowing it all too well. “Fine, I can’t understand but I imagine it’s hard to talk about. I’m scared. I’ll be the one to say it, alright? I’m fucking scared, Y/N.” He sheepishly admitted to you. Feeling like he failed by doing so. “We need to go to a doctor. I don’t mean this derogatorily I just think someone could help. I'm out of my depth here. I don’t want anything to happen to you. To my Y/N. To my baby’s mum.” He defeatedly let out. You could feel his heart racing pressed against you. You had so much to say but nothing would come out. You cuddled into him, laying your head on his chest. “I love you so much.” He whispered, breathing you in. Transitioning from sheer desperation to admiration for your body in his hands right now. Jesus Christ, what had happened? In a weird way he began to wonder if he felt like he had used you. “Am I making things worse?” He questioned you terrified of your potentially heartbreaking answer. You shook your head ‘no.’ Why didn’t this stuff go on in front of him? The inability to keep up with a golden boy wasn’t the problem but it was hard to not feel downtrodden. Trent was empathetic, he could hear it in the way you cried in the kitchen before you left.

'You expect me to be this perfect version 24/7 but I’m not. I’m not!” You kept crying. “I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m sorry, I’m trying but I can’t be like you, okay?” You whimpered, feeling defeated and broken.'

You didn’t really blame Trent for being good at well… life. Instead, you felt a crushing amount of guilt and shame for not simply being enough. The inability to measure up not to him but for him. You felt so tender in his arms like if he moved suddenly or too rough you’d break or bruise. He thought about the way he had sex with you, the way he uprooted you to England, the way he got you pregnant. He felt horrible that he inflicted so much on you physically. He just wanted to take care of you but alternatively, you’d never felt less used. The exact scenarios he was recalling flashed through your mind in the most blissfully painful way. You shut your eyes again. You wouldn’t change a thing, a lie, maybe a few things on your end but overall, no. His hands on you felt alleviating and comforting all the time. Even if he was fucking you roughly, even if you were jet lagged flying places to see him, even the grueling process of labor was fine all because he was there. 

“Thank you for caring.” You muttered out embarrassingly honestly, finally finding some words that you felt wholeheartedly would be good to start with. Trent’s heart, if it hadn’t already when he saw you come back into your house, it surely did just completely shatter. He kissed your hair and then over your ear before whispering to you. 

“I will always care about you. More than you could ever understand. I will do anything for you…” he paused and let out a breathy sigh. “Anything.” The warmth of his breath, the drag of his lips moving down your skin sent a shiver running up your spine. 

“T, we shouldn't, it's too soon.” You moaned feeling his lips cascade down the length of your jaw. The mood in the room shifting in slow motion. He didn’t mean to, it just was instinctual. His big hands moving the fabric of your top further and further up, finding more and more of your bare skin. You pushed yourself back into him, rolling your head to the side. Telling him one thing out loud and asking for something completely different silently. 

“It’s fine. We’re fine, baby. We’re gonna be fine.”  He rattled off, not able to think very clearly lost in a very thick haze feeling your body again.

“We can’t do this, T. I have more to say.” You whined, not meaning half the words you said. You definitely wanted to do this but you also did have more to say. He had no control at this point and you hated that it turned you on so much. His desire for you would always trump any sense of reasoning you had. You couldn’t stop him because the sensations running through you were invincible. The physical attraction and the sexual desire between you would always pull you back together. 

“No, no, this is going to be really good. I fucking need you. I missed you so much..” You turned towards him with a desperate look on your face. Your eyes filled with lust. Trent could get hard off the look on your face alone but feeling you again, touching you again was setting him off. He pulled you into a messy make out gripping your face before pushing you backwards onto more of the couch crawling over you. “We need this. You need this.” He whispered, breathing you in and moving his kisses to your neck. You kept him close to you pulling him to you by his face. His hands dropped to your waist. He was right, you needed this, you needed him. His soft warm hands pushed your shirt up to feel more of you. 

“I love you, baby.” You murmured your lips unable to not pull into a smile. He sighed into the crook of your neck hearing you say that. You brought your legs to wrap around him digging your heels into his back. You couldn’t think about anything else but him for the last few days and right now was no different. 

“I love you so much.” He cooed and his voice never sounded more caring and honest. He spoke into your warm skin, kissing them into the most sensitive part of your neck. The whole thing feels more intimate than ever. Love filling the room to the brim. He reached between you and looped the two layers of his boxer and trousers pulling both off. He revealed his tone v line and you let out an embarrassing moan, you taking your own clothes off swiftly. He pulled away from you and looked at your bare body. You felt so naked and vulnerable, he could sense your nerves. He tilted your face towards his holding your cheek. “What are you being shy about? It’s just me, yeah?” He waited for you. You nodded pulling him back into a kiss. You sighed in the kiss dragging your nails up his chest. He repositioned his body over yours and dragged the tip of his leaking cock through your folds. 

“T… please, I need you.” You whined. He smiled happy you were back to your normal comfortable self with him. He slowly eased into your dripping wet pussy. You moaned as Trent treaded carefully moving slowly inside. His face fell into your neck groaning at the feeling of you wrapping around him. He moved slowly but precisely. Your nails dug into his back as he kissed your skin. Each stroke loving and thoughtful. He picked up his pace though lost in the feeling. 

“You feel so good, baby.” He grunted pushing your thigh up further to your side, hitting deeper inside you. The grip of his fingers on you dug into your soft thigh. He found the spot inside you only knew, only for him, only for you, repeatedly 

“Baby, oh my god, T. I missed you. I’m so sorry. I love you.” You were unable to stop your babbles. Tears began to fill your waterline.

“Don’t be. I love you. You’re here with me. Be here with me. Fuck, you feel so good. Let me take care of you” He inhaled a sharp breath. His dimples s sank into cheeks as he gave a sincerely sad and sympathetic smile. “Tell me your mine, baby.” He murmured continuing to thrust into in a way that was so euphoric your tears began to fall. His voice was breathy against your ear feeling the same amount of emotion you were feeling. The weight of his body on top of yours feeling like nothing compared to the weight lifting off you two. Your orgasm approached faster and faster, minute after minute. He bit onto your earlobe and tugged, grabbing your attention. 

“I’m yours, Trent. I’m always gonna be yours.” You whimpered. His mahogany eyes poured back into yours. He felt his heart skip a beat when you pulled him back down into a kiss. He fucked you harder with a harsh grunt juxtaposed by the sweetest kiss to the bridge of your nose. Your hand dragged down from behind his neck down the protruding veins of his arms until you reached the rigid texture of the Patek Phillipe watch he had wrapped on his wrist. The knot in your stomach tightened. It only took a few more mind numbing thrusts before Trent’s head dropped into your neck. Your climax erupting inside of you, your vision going white. His cock throbbed inside of you, beginning to paint your walls. You moaned ‘I love yous’ simultaneously. You felt him pouring into you. Waves upon waves of pleasure coursing through both of you. You hid your face against him. He slowed and you felt your bottom lip quiver against his skin. An uncontrollable sob escaped you. Your emotions bubbled over once more. Trent pulled out as gently as he could. He rolled off of you but was swift pulling you back into him. You clung to him crying. 

“I’m right here.” He whispered, pulling you that much closer to him and yet it wasn’t close enough. You wanted to be completely surrounded by him. “Can you look at me, baby?”  He sounded so worried. You shook your head ‘no.’  “Y/N…” He grabbed your face gently and turned you towards him. “I need to know you’re okay.” He asked softly. More tears escaped.

“I’m okay… just love you so much, T.” You pouted up at him and you felt his tense hold relax. “I love you.” He pressed a wet kiss to your cheek the way you always pretended to hate but secretly loved. You wiped his wet spit off of you and giggled. Trent felt relief wash over him when he heard his favorite sound in the world. 

“Oh wow… so mummy and daddy are… fine.” Lauren laughed carrying Teddy past the cinema minutes okay from upstairs into the kitchen. She was currently FaceTiming Jude biding her time while watching Teddy for you and Trent to ‘talk.’ “I think they’re fine. I mean they’re fucking so it’s either a really good thing or a really bad thing.” She laughed. Hoping for the first option. “Should we make you some lunchtime, hmm?” She cooed to the little girl in her arms while Teddy eagerly nodded trying to grab hold of her phone curious about Jude on the other end. 

“You’re good with kids, Laur.” Jude spoke through her phone with a cheeky smile seeing her so attentive and kind to Teddy. 

“I think I’m just good with Teddy. She's chill so it doesn’t really count. I know this is how it works but she’s the perfect blend of them. All the best things I like rolled into the cutest, squishiest, baby girl in the whole world!” Lauren sang in a soft voice, pinching at Teddy’s tummy. Her squeal shrieking through the phone, Jude blinking his eyes a few times, taken aback by her response to Lauren.

“All done mama!” Teddy yelled as you met them in the kitchen, flush. You pressed a kiss to Teddy's hair on your way to get the water you needed desperately before attending to her. She had finished eating the lunch Lauren kindly had made for her.  

“Good girl.” You cooed with a smile. Lauren sat with a smug look on her face as she waited for the inevitable late entrance of Trent, who, when he did stride in, looked absolutely fucking elated.

“Dada miss mama,” Teddy told you as she saw Trent enter. It was an over simplified way saying Trent had really missed you. He sadly and softly smiled at you hearing her. Your heart broke a little that she’d been able to piece it together, that she could sense Trent’s sad mood. 

“Mummy loves you so much.” He’d reassure her feeling completely unsure of what was going on in your relationship.The few nights you were away Trent would tuck Teddy in as she cried.  Teddy would fall asleep only comforted by Trent babbling on little stories and tidbits about you, how perfect you were, how much you likely missed her. They’d watch videos of you and he’d melt.  “Want to see something baby? Want to see the day I met mummy?” He laughed remembering a specific video he had on his phone, he wanted to watch. Teddy nodded tiredly, adjusting to the new routine activity. He was a little embarrassed he even had it but it made him remember a really good time despite things being so bad right now. You likely didn’t even know this video existed. He kept it in a locked folder on his phone primarily where all your nudes and let’s say spicer videos lived. He smiled seeing you like that. Vulnerable, needy for him and in love. You looked gorgeous. He dragged his thumb over the screen. He just wanted to feel your soft skin again as he carefully picked the video of you out of the roll making sure not to pick the wrong one before he showed Teddy. It was a video Marcel had sent around in a snapchat which seemed mundane at the time. He remembered Jude teasing him about it the following day as you laid on his chest, experiencing a new warm feeling of comfort. The video was strangely endearing, like you could see your connection in real time. Energy and force pushing you together. The earth letting out a sigh of relief finally getting two people that were meant to be connected.

“Mama pwety.” Teddy looked up at him cuddling a plush bear with big sleepy eyes as they looked at the thumbnail before he pressed play. He nodded at her.  “Yeah, you have the most beautiful mummy in the world.” He confirmed to your daughter with a sigh before he hit play. Hearing your coquettish laugh in the video cozying up to him in a club years ago just about sent him into cardiac arrest. It hurt. God, did it hurt. 

“Oh, I missed you both lots.” You cooed, kissing her. She smiled, little dimples indenting in her cheeks. A very visual confirmation she was Trent’s little girl. You’ve said it before but you were comedically jealous of the genetics Teddy was inheriting from him. 

“More plebs!” Teddy screamed, grabbing for you. “Mama, miss!” She giggled loving that you were back and really loving your kisses, kicking her feet in her chair. She greedily hummed. “Lub my mummy.” She squealed excitedly. You wanted to cry but you didn’t want to stop kissing her to so you held off. 

“Mummy gives the best kisses, huh?” Trent cooed, bending over in front of Teddy to plant a kiss on your cheek with a hum. 

“You’d know…” Lauren quipped cheekily eliciting a proud  augh from Trent and a raised eyebrow from you. 

When Teddy eventually got sleepy you brought her upstairs for sleep. You went to her nursery and you pouted seeing that Trent had nestled one of your softest jumpers in her crib, the smell of you still lingering. There was a little framed photo of your family moved from its original place propped closer for her to see. You started crying so hard you had to sit down. You couldn’t believe you put your child through this, you couldn’t believe you put Trent through this. Trent came upstairs and you met him in your bedroom after you had calmed yourself down on your own. He held you in bed in a close cuddle. 

“I can’t remember ever going to bed without saying goodnight before. I hated this so much, baby.” You whispered into the dark room as he caressed your warm skin under a tiny camisole you had on. 

“We’re never doing this again. I’m sorry I got so upset.” He cooed behind the shell of your ear pressing his lips against you. You both stayed awake in a warm cuddle. You didn’t know what time it was but it as the color of sky outside fell into that warm navy color, you’d guess around 4 am though. 

“Do you still want to marry me?” You asked after a few hours of not talking, just happy to be back in his arms and good graces. Neither of you wanted to fall asleep but not out of worry, but out of comfort. You didn’t want to lose the cognizance of his presence, what he felt like, what he smelt like. 

“Not a single second went by where I ever questioned that, okay?” He hummed. You smiled through a pout. You’d hope that was true. He meant it though. He didn’t waver in his commitment to you. He told Tyler he had no plans of leaving you. Through all of this it didn’t even pop in his head you would call off the marriage. Maybe he was angry and didn’t like how things currently were but not have you, not marry you? Never. You turned around in his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. He kissed you back and shut his eyes, getting tired, not being able to keep them open anymore. You let him rest but you stayed awake inspecting his features. You brought your hand up to his face and tracing his perfectly plump lips. You brushed your thumb over his high cheekbones. You started to fall asleep then dropping your face in his neck, tucked carefully under his chin, wrapping your arms around his waist, legs tangled together. You kissed his warm skin drowsily, letting him know how much you loved him even while he slept. He woke up first the next day. He did the same as you did last night inspecting your features. The morning sun seeped through your blinds. The golden light casting over you. You looked radiant and luminescent but your soul, your heart, he could feel it. It was more striking than your beauty. He kissed your forehead before pulling you that much tighter to him. 

Trent had his last game of the season. It was a little surreal mostly because you realized that when the next season began you would be married, the surname on the jersey you were in, would be your own. Lauren and Marcel accompanied you along with Teddy. You wished Marcel would shut up so you could live in your moment of bliss imagining being his brother’s wife and admire Trent in peace. The way sweat dripped over his adams apple, his jersey sticking a little to his abs, his cheekbones highlighted by the floodlights. He looked unreal. Lauren went inside and Marcel looked at you curiously. You could feel his eyes but you ignored him until he spoke.

“Going to tell me how things have been?” He looked at you completely ignoring the game now. You rolled your eyes but he was persistent. 

“Yeah, all fine” You said dismissively, keeping your eyes on Trent whilst tucking a loose curl behind Teddy’s ear. He rolled his eyes now at you.

“Y/N… you know you have to let us in, let him in, let me in. I don’t get why you didn't tell me to begin with?” He spoke, sounding heartfelt, keeping his gaze fixed on you. 

“When was I supposed...” You sighed stopping yourself from starting to defend yourself but you could see his brow raise in annoyance. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t want to scare anyone.” You exhaled feeling a lot of guilt wash over you. He was one of your best friends and you had been extremely selfish not considering how he must’ve felt and dense assuming he wouldn’t want to know.

“Well, you did a really bad job.” He laughed and it made you smile. You felt relieved he was at least being normal again with you.  

“Marce… “ You sheepishly got out. “I’m so sorry” you apologized earnestly, leaning your head on his shoulder. He rested his head on top of yours.

“We love you. Just want mummy healthy, right Ted?” He cooed picking up Teddy from you from under her arms. Her eyes lit up. 

‘Lub mama, Celly!” She giggled, reaching to hug him wrapping herself around his neck. You pulled her Liverpool jersey down for her covering her back. You smiling at her voice. She loved him so much. To be fair, Marcel just had good vibes and since having Teddy you felt like kids had a great gauge of people. There was something that was so endearing about her relationship with him. She trusted him and was comforted by him, it made you feel incredibly relaxed knowing she’d always have her uncles and your sister. 

“I’m so glad you’re mine.” Trent whispered, kissing your head. You held Teddy and smiled for the annual end of season family photo you so loved. Trent was staring at you though not the cameras. You had gone down onto the pitch for one final lap after the match. It was lovely as always. Sweet and a bit emotional. 

“Always yours.” You cooed, turning to kiss him. Teddy quick to want the same amount of attention you were giving each other. She pulled at your shirt with a cute grunt. “Yes, yes and you are ours, Teddy girl.” You kissed her with an eccentric ‘Mwah!’ her giggle following.

When you finally were driving home, you were tired, Teddy already fast asleep, and Trent absolutely exhausted. Needless to say it was a quiet ride. You looked at Trent as the colored lights lining the motorway leaked into the car. You smiled admiring his beauty. His focus on the road but yours on his jawline strikingly sharp. 

“What are you staring at me for?” He laughed, calling you out, flashing his eyes your way quickly. You giggled sliding your hand over onto his face brushing your thumb over his cheek.

“You’re so pretty. Do you know that?” You cooed admiring his annoying perfect skin, despite his annoyingly minimal effort.

“Yeah, obviously.” He replied with a straight face before he couldn’t hold in the cheeky childish smile he was trying to keep down. His perfect grin made your heart hurt. He was so pretty but you rolled your eyes at his pompousness. “Don’t pull a bird like you looking anything but leng.” He turned his adorable look to you.

“Yeah? How did you even manage to bag me?” You teased with a giggle. His smile staying put hearing the sound but he rolled his eyes at your joke. He tapped at his cheek with his free hand, keeping the other draped over the steering wheel. You raised your eyebrows at his gesture.

“Go on…” He instructed you. You laughed again and pressed a kiss where his fingers had been tapping. “Thank youuu.” He sang.

“Ridiculous.” You reached over again to him and squeezed his thigh. 

“Erm… Ow? I just played 97 minutes. Keep your hands to yourself.” He quipped. You squeezed his thigh again just because. You knew he liked the attention. He loves when you give it to him and he can just annoy you in return. 

“You love my hands on you. So full of it, you know.” You giggled with one more squeeze than attempted to remove your hand but he was quick to place his over top of it to keep it on him. 

“I do. I really love your hands on me.” He cooed in a voice that made you feel like you had a juvenile crush on him. You were flustered by the flirtatious comment. He could feel your arm tense a little so instead of keeping your hand on his thigh, he picked it up and brought it up to his lips to kiss the back of it.

“T… do you want to take me on a date this week?” You asked him bluntly, turning the direction of the conversation. You liked him flirting with you right now and you wanted more. You thought it’d be nice to have a night out just you two. Probably a good thing considering what had transpired.

“Yeah? Want me to?” He smiled big again squeezing your hand. You nodded in an adorably naive way.  “Yeah, beautiful, I’ll take you out.” He cooed turning towards you again. His mind beginning to comb through ideas of where he wanted to take you. You leaned over once more unprovoked to give him another kiss on the cheek before you tucked back in your seat shutting your eyes and resting your head onto the window. “Alright, sleepy girls, we’re home.” Trent’s voice waking you up from a daze you didn’t know you had fallen into. You turned to him with a tired pout as if to ask ‘can you please carry me inside?’ He laughed getting out of the car. He came around and opened your door but then he stepped away and opened the back seat. “I’m gonna carry our literal baby but if you want to wait I’ll come back and get you.” He mocked you. You obviously weren’t going to wait outside so you begrudgingly got out of the car yourself. Trent picked up Teddy gently making sure she didn’t wake. He held her tight to him. You shut the door of the car for him and followed them, proceeding to slip your arms around his waist and resting your forehead against his back. He shook his head as he got both his sleepy girls to bed. 

The next day you were getting ready to go to Dianne’s house up in your bedroom's wardrobe. You were doing your best to get back into your routine. Lauren was still there, leaving soon, but you had promised Dianne you’d go see her with Teddy. She heard rumblings about the situation, naturally. Trent had confided in her early on in your relationship when you first let it slip you had struggled with your health to him. He’d never really thought about something like that affecting someone he knew. He had girl friends and girlfriends but he never had a sister he had to share a bathroom with growing up. He didn’t know girls were skipping meals and doing diets or maybe the more extreme things you had been doing that you shared with him. She of course was empathetic to him and did her best to be a sounding board and not intrude but as a mum, as a person who knew you and loved you, she was concerned. So you promised you’d go. 

“Hey… have you seen my Van Clef?” you asked vaguely to Trent. “Like our one?” You clarified more as you were trying to put final touches on your outfit.  He puffed out some air realizing that he was going to have to confront his mistake head on. He hated himself. He had been trying to avoid it but of course you were looking for it, you wore it almost everyday.

“Baby…” he called you, watching nervously. You hummed acknowledging him as you dug through your wardrobe thinking maybe you had misplaced it. “It’s not here.” He told you sheepishly. You gave him a side eye confused but when he didn’t speak you turned your whole body to him. 

“What do you mean? I don’t understand.” At first, maybe you thought this was some sweet ploy of his. He came to you and slipped his hands around your waist. When he dropped his forehead against yours you felt the energy shift in the room. This wasn’t some goofy thing he was serious about something. 

“I had to bring it in to get repaired.” He got his words out so slow you clung to each one in anticipation. Your brow furrowed. He exhaled, dropping his shoulders. He wished he could lie but he knew it'd be wrong to. He was asking you to be honest with him; it would be incredibly hypocritical. “I found it when you were gone and I don’t know I just snapped and then it snapped.” He shut his eyes. You let out a measly ‘oh’ you felt the things he did when it happened. That necklace was your relationship and he had destroyed it. You were definitely in the wrong but it made you feel so sad you were actively trying not to cry or react. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t know what happened it just felt like such a punch in the gut finding it. I though that you didn’t want it or you left it, left me… it hurt. I’m sorry. Fuck.” He babbled incredibly quickly. You usually were fine with his accented words but your eyes narrowed trying to focus your spinning mind on what he was saying. His accent would come in thick sometimes and disappear other days. Relaxing with his friends at home, their words could feel like another language. Nervous doing press, he was more conscious of what he was saying, letting it slip away. 

“It’s fine… I guess.” You gave him a soft smile wishing you didn’t say the last bit. “I understand.” You kissed the tip of his nose and pulled yourself out of his hold. The room went ice cold. Trent’s mind was just filled with his inner voice screaming ‘fuck.’ It was hard not to notice the mood change after that. He hated it. “T, I didn’t leave it on purpose…” you told him right before you left, kissing his cheek, holding Teddy and heading to your car. You were so swift; he didn't even have the opportunity to respond.

“Laur... what am I meant to do here? Things aren’t just going to snap back.” Trent sighed, squinting, picking up his hand to shield his eyes to better make out Lauren’s face. They were sitting in your back garden as the English summer sun beat down on them. They stayed at home while you popped to Dianne’s. Despite your upset about your necklace it did make you happy that your best friend and your fiance “I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like a kid. I feel like I’m making stupid mistakes.” Trent was thinking about breaking the necklace. You’d probably be just as upset if he had managed to break your engagement ring but in a way this had stung more. The necklace was a decision he made before, a decision he made off of instinct, under your nose, completely infatuated by you. It was such an indication of how he felt about you from the very beginning and it was gone. A part of you was happy you didn’t have any visual of it all.

“You’re not but I know the feeling. If you didn’t pick up I was going to call your mum the other day. I was in a moment of introspection on the flight over and I almost laughed. Your mum? Oh hiya erm… can you help… embarrassing.” Lauren rattled off what felt like a million different thoughts. She shook her head but noticed Trent faint smirk on his face not pulling into a full smile but drifting into a tight line. 

“Maybe we should’ve.” He reflected. Maybe Dianne would’ve been more of a help than him. “Like she’s fine most of the time right? I make her happy? I try so hard and yet some days I can feel it like nothing could ever change it all.” He spoke looking and sounded defeated. 

“It’s not you T… She loves you so much. You make her happy, she’ll be okay, but she is the only one that can change it. You’re there for her and that’s the most important. She needs you and Teddy.” Lauren kept her eyes locked on his, making sure he knew she was being serious. She meant what she was saying. He couldn’t fix things but he was essential. Trent responded only with a soft ‘yeah.’ He thought to himself though that what you really needed was for him to repair your necklace and your relationship.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍

Next part - Chapter 21 xx

[gleefullypolin]

Stacy's Tipsy Musing's - Colin Bridgerton Hot Takes - Part 2

Ok boys and girls, we need to have a little chat about Colin Bridgerton.

Part 2 has been out now for a couple of days and there have been a lot of hot takes to come out of the season. A LOT of hot takes. I’m going to break this down into 4 parts. 4 questions that I'm seeing really bad hot takes about Colin.

Now none of this is new, I gotta say before Season 3 aired Colin was a hot button topic anyway. He seemed to be the Bridgerton brother that lots of people love to spew hate takes on anyway. But damn I gotta say its painful seeing the Polin fandom have so many bad takes falling from their lips.

So, I figured...having a little drink tonight, sitting down for Father’s Day (Happy Father’s Day, Colin) I’d give you the opinion on some of these takes that you didn’t ask for...Mine!

Last time we talked about Colin’s entrapment statement to Pen and if he truly meant it.  Question 1, now lets get to Question 2:

Why would Colin send Pen home alone after finding her on the street at night?

Ok we are going to have to resolve a few things here. One, our desire to watch Pen/Colin have hot angry sex right there on the street, and two Colin Bridgerton respecting Penelope too much to do so. So, let’s start at the top. Colin finds Pen walking home on a dark street after a long night of drinking the night before they are to be married. And not just a little drinking, a LOT of drinking. He was going pretty hard at the bar with his brother, the boys could not keep up with him, and Kate called him out for smelling like a bottle of liquor.

Now he sees the reason for all his drinking, walking down a dark road STILL putting herself in danger in the middle of the night. His mind is racing about what the hell she is doing out there, he immediately just assumes it is connected to Whistledown. The woman he despises, hates, and is highly jealous of.

Now they fight. Because of course they do. Pen does a good job of holding her own against his anger here. She tries to explain herself, that she was trying to protect El, that she wanted to protect him, that she made mistakes, she should have done things differently. That Colin has given her confidence to stand up for herself without Whistledown, and you can see his resolve give. The moment he thinks she will walk away from it, he appears like that will end it all, it will stop the fight in it’s tracks.

But then she tells him there is still value to her keeping it. And that is where you see the real reason for him holding onto his anger. The jealousy. The fact that he feels she was laughing at him, by being a writer herself she must have not been truthful to him about his own writing. About his talent. And then the anger bubbles back up, and he hits her about his concern for her safety. And then it surges forward, his need to protect her. And that is where she strikes at him, she does not need his protection.

And here we are at the crux of Colin Bridgerton’s pain. His hero complex without a damsel to save. “Then what good am I to you?” She silences him with the one thing she can. Love. Pen loves Colin. It’s all she needs from him. And he is lost momentarily in her need for him to love her. His purpose. And they lose themselves in each other without thought in passion. Colin forgets his anger, his jealousy, his shame and he takes her up against the wall in public, on the street. And it’s not until that cursed horse ruins our voyeuristic excitement that Colin suddenly remembers that he has Pen up against a wall in public.

And this is not our Colin Bridgerton that loves Penelope. Not the Colin who just admonished her for not respecting him enough to talk directly to him. He is not the Colin Bridgerton who would take her out of anger. He would not take her while feeling this shame and hurt toward her. Simply having her tied to him does not mean he can just take what he wants. So instead, he treats her with respect, he walks her to the carriage, and he puts her safely inside.

He then makes sure she understands that she will see him in the morning at the wedding, he intends to be there to marry her, regardless of what is going on between them. And then he sends her home. Because anything else would not be Colin. He’s drunk, he’s angry, and the alternatives would not end without adding more shame to himself.

Stick around for part 3....

Why would Colin sleep on the couch and ruin their wedding night and then continue to sleep on the couch after they are married?

[seraphicalsuccubus]

tonight has been one hell of a fucking night man, and I hate that I can’t be there physically to comfort him after all this fucking shit he’s had to go through

but it’s another step closer to finally having him home safe with me, where I won’t have to worry (as much) anymore because I’ll know he’s okay. because he’ll be with me.

I can’t wait to have him come lay between my legs with his head against my chest and wrap my arms around him again and just fall asleep holding him, stroking his beard and his face and his hair while he sleeps until I finally crash with him. I need that kind of rest again so badly, and I know he does too.

I need my home back already, it’s been too fucking long and I’ve felt so lost without him. I can’t wait to have him back with me again. for good.

he won’t be leaving this time. he’ll be staying. and starting a new life with me. it’s finally almost fucking here. after so fucking long.

and god, I cannot fucking wait for that. I can’t wait to see him again and just bury myself in his chest and hold him against mine and love on him for all eternity.

god, I know we both fucking need it. so fucking bad.

we’re so close. so so close. 😭

[thowawayuntilfurthernotice]

Maybe I’m just getting older, but I really don't get this notion that people have when it comes to media criticism. 

Nobody is sitting here saying that all criticism is good and that you should listen to every piece of criticism you get. Because guess what? Not all criticism is argued in good faith, nor does anybody like getting criticized. 

But it’s important to learn how to deal with criticism, otherwise how are we supposed to improve? 

I also hate how some folks assume that just because I’m critical of Viv and her shows, then that must mean I have some sort of personal vendetta against her. When I really don’t. 

Truth be told, I legit hate that people think that I’m a Viv anti or that I only made this blog to criticize her shows. As anybody who actually bothered to browse through my archive would know that I’ve talked about (and criticized) other things that aren’t related to Viv. 

My life doesn’t revolve around Viv you guys, I don’t wake up every morning and think “I wonder what Viv is up to?” I just go about my day like every other human being. 

The reason I criticize Viv so much is that I’m genuinely curious as to why so many people within the animation industry hold her in such high regard. Is it because she came from an indie background? Do people love the “Indie creator gets her own show” narrative so much that they’re willing to overlook all her creative shortcomings? 

It’s weird watching the same folks who were dunking on Velma praise Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, because you damn well know that if Velma did the “Characters are in a room that’s decorated in dildos and vibrators” gag, Twitter would have a collective meltdown. 

And yet for some odd reason, Viv’s shows are held to such higher standards that I honestly start to wonder if all these industry professionals watched the same shows that I did. Because I’m struggling to think of a single Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss joke that genuinely got a laugh out of me. 

“But humor is subjective” okay, then why does Viv get so defensive whenever someone criticizes the humor that’s found in her shows? 

Really don’t understand why she goes out of her way to complain about her critics when she could easily ignore them. She’s under no obligation to respond to her critics, but she keeps vague posting about all the criticism she gets because she literally cannot handle getting criticized. 

Here’s the thing, Viv’s fans tend to assume that just because I'm critical of something that’s popular, then that means I don’t get criticized. When that certainly isn’t the case. 

I’ve been criticized for being critical of the current state of indie animation, I got a bunch of hate from racist nerds for liking the My Adventures With Superman version of Livewire, and recently someone responded with a full length essay to a post of mine that was critical of Primos. 

But the difference between me and Viv is that I don’t constantly post vague backhanded insults regarding my critics on social media. If I feel a piece of criticism is worth addressing, then I’ll address it and if not? Then I’m not going to bother. 

Trust me, I haven’t lost any sleep over the fact that a bunch of random internet folks don’t like me.

[kaylorstree]

TTPD Gaylor Lyric Analysis

Because there are so many songs, I’m only analysing the gayest ones.

SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO POST THIS!!!!!!

But Daddy I Love Him

Possibly Taylor’s gayest song EVER.

‘These people only raise you to cage you’

A lot of this is about her team, handlers and parents wanting her to stay closeted.

‘These people try to save you because they hate you’

This references judgemental religious people, to whom if she ever came out would want to save her, and pray for her, out of faux concern.

‘Sarahs and Hannahs in their Sunday best’

Again, religious Bible names, but also could reference American conservatives.

‘Told my parents and they came around’

This has to be about being gay. I really doubt her parents wouldn’t have a HUGE problem or be able to influence her that much in terms of problematic men, since she has dated many previously, such as John Mayer and Jake Gylenhall.

‘Tell him to floor it through the fences’

This references Getaway Car, but I also think it references the YNTCD fences, and the other fence meme.

‘I’d rather burn my whole life down’ Dating a man would never ‘burn down’ her entire life.

Down Bad

‘Crying at the gym’

Taylor and Karlie went to the gym all the time. There is so much photographic evidence of this.

Side note (which I think I have previously posted about): I’ve always found it odd how they would be so dressed up for the gym, particularly Taylor. It makes me think they were having lunch or hanging out in secret, for some privacy from the paparazzi maybe?

‘Like I just lost my twin’

Do I really need to elaborate this line?

‘Fuck it if I can’t have him’

I genuinely see no way Taylor couldn’t date any man she really wanted. The only way she REALLY couldn’t have someone would have to be a HUGE reason.

‘Did you take all my old clothes, just to leave me here naked and alone?’

A man wouldn’t take a woman’s clothes, Also, Taylor and Karlie shared a load of clothes back in the day.

Guilty As Sin?

The religious undertones continue, along with the references to heaven and angels.

‘Written mine on my upper thigh, only in my mind’

‘What if the way you hold me, is the thing that’s holy’

‘Without touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin’

Surely it isn’t a sin by any standards to THINK about having sex with a man? But a woman, YES.

‘I keep my longest locked, in lower case inside a vault’.

This was suggest she has repressed longings she needs to hide, but also suggests ‘loml’ and ‘iwannagetyouback’ are important to listen to and decipher.

Fresh Out The Slammer

‘Fresh out the slammer, I’m running back home to you’

This suggests being imprisoned or trapped. To consider a 6 year relationship as being a prison would be offensive to Joe, but would make sense if this was just another fake relationship she’s trapped in until she can finally be with the person she has been waiting for.

Clara Bow

‘You look like Stevie Nicks, in ‘75, the hair and lips’

At first I didn’t understand why this reference jumped out at me- I then realised that there was this tweet comparing Karlie to Steve Nicks’ ex, Linsday Buckingham.

‘You look like Clara Bow in this life, remarkable’

She sings about women and their features throughout this song.

‘Half moonshine, full eclipse’

Karlie is always referred to the sunshine, hiding the sun would be an eclipse.

Peter

‘In closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids’

‘You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me’

This suggests waiting for someone when they can finally be together.

‘As the men masqueraded, I hope you’d return’

Men masquerading suggests acting or pretending, just as her beards have been until she can be in a real relationship with the person she actually wants to be with.

iwannagetyouback

‘Wait til you fix your face’

Only a girl would need to fix their face. This also aligns with The 1975 song ‘Girls’, the one that was playing when Taylor and Karlie famously kissed.

‘Curse you out, or pull you into the closet’

I mean, again, when does someone ever literally pull some into a closet? Only figuratively.

Chloe Or Sam Or Sophia Or Marcus

The premise of the song is talking about someone bisexual. It’s impossible to decipher it any other way.

So, she’s outing and implicating one of her previous boyfriends which would be EXTREMELY problematic.

On the other hand, if she was singing about a bisexual woman, that would make sense. There is less stigma surrounding bisexual women compared to men, by some extent.

The Prophecy

‘Don’t want money, just someone who really loves me’

Again, this doesn’t make sense to attribute to a man. Why would she lose money by being in a relationship? Only if it was incredibly controversial, like a queer one.

Also, ‘The Prophecy’ suggests that this is the way things have to be, have been and will be. However, if she changes this it will not be expected for others in the future.

‘I got cursed like Eve got bitten’

‘Was it punishment?’

This alludes once again to sin and religious imagery, but also about how being LGBT can feel like a curse or something unwanted.

‘Looked to the sky’

This suggests God is responsible for the prophecy itself.

‘Pat around when I get home’ alludes to crime and accusations. Perhaps growing up her family were maybe onto her concerning where she’s been and who she’s been with.

Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?

‘You don’t get to tell me about sad’

‘You wouldn’t last a year in the asylum where they raised me’

As discussed online, Taylor didn’t grow up with any particular trauma or a bad childhood by any stretch of the imagination. However, the concept of her being closeted on a global scale, to constantly having to lie in order to keep her livelihood is pretty traumatic in my opinion.

A lot of people wouldn’t be able to survive that.

Please tell me what your interpretations are! 🌼🌈

[hanamisofficialspouse]

So like, yall remember that guy I was talking about but forgot to show yall?

Yeah.

Here he is.😈

Meet Nova, Sukunas dad everyone🤭

(BEWARE that this is NOT his true form, of course. Like Sukuna, its MUCH BIGGER, and has MULTIPLE LIMBS and other stuff.)

And as some of you who may or may not realize, Nova is an original character of mine, not dedicated to Jujutsu Kaisen universe as an oc, but for entirely original universe of mine, whre he has a purpose as Balance Holder, Aka God of Destruction. He is naturally evil, being evil IS HIS PURPOSE, how he was 'created'.

How then Sukuna came to be? Here is MY version of what happened.

⚠️WARNING: SPOILERS FOR JUJUTSU KAISEN MANGA!!! VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK!⚠️ (ofc, my own plot and mangas plot combined.)

Sukunas mother was unable to get pregnant. Feeling hopeless, she kept praying to anything to give her any miracle, to feel pity for her, and bless her with at least one child. She even said that she would accept any child, even if it is... A monster.

Two gods did hear her prayers, known as the Twins of Opposition, Ehva, Goddess of Fertillity, Womanhood, Healing, and Nova, God of Sperm, Manhood, Destruction. (Yes, Nova has a twin sister.) They decided that they will help her. Ehva gave her a blessing, but warned her that her children might look odd, and maybe even have some womanly traits. (Pink hair, lactating [pry to what Gege said is canonically true, Sukuna CAN lactate.] and other stuff.) And of course, Nova gave his mother his sperm.

BUT. Here comes a but.

Nova, being an evil bitch he is, wanted to 'test' things. What would happen, if he made sure one child inside her belly if FULL with cursed energy, while the other is not? (Yeah, btw, Ehva DIDN'T know about this. They just agreed on giving her twins, and thats it. This is just part where Nova is being... Nova.) Nova DID want to create a child that was powerful and enjoyed fighting, like him. And maybe in the far future, become his very own heir.

And I guess you know what happened. Sukuna ate his twin brother in his mothers womb. Now, we don't know what happened with Sukunas mom after that, but she either died during childbirth, or abandoned her child after seeing what he did to his unborn twin, and the way he looked.

(And yeah, you could only guess Ehvas rage when she found out what her brother did without her knowledge. They did have a terrible argument.💀)

Sukuna was left alone to survive. Nova, however, made sure he kept his eyes on him from the moment he was born. He watched his growth, anf surprisingly, grew to be proud of him (even tho he absolutely hated kids and didn't want one.) One day, he even gave him a brief visit. I don't know how they met just YET, but it would probably be that Sukuna was fighting some cursed spirits, and Nova just decided to come and kill those spirits with one slash of his hand, and just... See his child from up close IG😭

Of course, when Nova introduced his true identity to Sukuna (he didn't say it immediately. But he DID want to shock him, to see how will he react to the news.). And kets just say Sukuna was FURIOUS. ENRAGED. He blamed him for everything, how he didn't even give a shit about him, and other pretty brutal stuff (Sukuna was 100% right.)

But Nova gave no shit, and of course, since he didn't like to be treated like that, showed a little of his tfue colours and threatened his son to behave or else. Sukuna couldn't do anything but comply.

Sukuna and Nova have a really conplicated relationship. Sukuna hates his father, but can't help and admire him secretly for his power, abillities, and status. He even wishes to become just like him, although he would NEVER admit it. As for Nova, as I said, he may not show it, but he surprisingly cares for his son (in his own weird way lmao.) He DID watch over him since his birth, and decided he didn't want to hwlp just because the wolrds would shape him into a worthy being he is today: King of Curses. Nova likes to see his child nurture his vast abillitues of jujutsu techniques, and enjoy life to its fullest. He may also not say it, but he sees Sukuna as his 'perfect creation'. Nova always made sure to kill his children when he slept with women just because he is an asshole and didn't want to deal with them, but the only ever exception was Sukuna.

Of course, being Novas only son may not be perfect, because he always expects only the best, to advance his expectations, and has to be the center of his pride most of the time. Nova is no softie, and he acts rough on mostly everybody, even his sister and son. But, he CAN have his... Good moments.

(WOOOO FUCK YEAHHHH I ENJOYED THIS SO MUCHHHH I LOVE THIS FATHER SON DUO EVEN THOUGH THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS ABSOLUTE SHIT👍)

Taglist: : @darknadaworld @radaverse @rabbitcyclops @erigold13261 @espresso-ships @plucky-belmondo

[inkys-garden]

Ikemen Prince OC: Louis Augustus

One of the generals of Jade Kingdom.

Age: 27

Height: 5'9

Eye colour: Light green

Hair colour: Pink

Crest animal: Horse

Background/Family:

Louis is Keith's 2nd cousin from his mother's side. They both have been close ever since they were children.

He is aware of Keith's "dual personality" and knows how to handle that side of him. Between the two cousins, there are no secrets.

Louis' father died when he was young. After his death, it had always been his dear mother and him. Louis holds his mother in very high regard. The love and respect he has for her can never be measured, and of course, she adores him just as much. The relationship between them is incredibly warm.

He joined the army when he was 20, and Louis' combat skills proved useful. After that, he kept climbing the ranks. Soon, he reached the position of a general.

Louis accompanies Keith on his trips to other countries. Both, as a friend and as his personal guard.

Personality/About him:

Louis stays quiet most of the time. He's not rude... just introverted. But if the conversation requires him to actively take part, then he has no problem doing that. He is quick to form smart replies and uses his words carefully. He always has a calm mask on.

He is... gentle. Strong yet gentle. His sole goal in life is to protect the weak. Those who can not raise their voices to plead, those who are never given the chance - Louis wants to protect them all.

Louis gets embarrassed fairly quickly. He has a cute boyish smile that everyone compliments.

He likes to sketch and paint in his free time. In fact, he has around 100 artworks in his manor. Some are on walls, while the others are in the spare rooms.

Past:

Louis had a lover in the past. Her name was Lily, and he loved her so much that Louis proposed after a year of getting together with her. However, she broke his heart by declaring that she was in love with Keith and got together with him just so she could get closer to his cousin.

His heart was torn apart. That is one of the reasons why he stays away from women. He doesn't hate them, no. Not all of them are like... her. But he can't help but keep his distance.

The princes' comments:

Chevalier: "Hm. The Jadean general? He is alright. He is not a bright person in any regard, but I sense no malicious intent from him."

Leon: "Ah, Louis! He's a good friend of mine. He doesn't speak much, but he's a great guy. Don't talk about art in front of him, though... the guy never stops talking. I once fell asleep."

Clavis: "Ahahaha! He always looks so tired of me. My, it's surprising, however. Louis always seems to know about my traps."

Nokto: "I have never interacted with him much, but Louis seems to be disinterested in politics. Makes you wonder why he even joined the army..."

Luke: "Who? Uh, I never met the guy. It's probably because I joined the Palace a while ago."

Jin: "I can never understand why that guy's so uninterested in women. Once, when I took him and Keith to a tavern, some ladies were practically throwing themselves on him, but he kept waving his hand with a disinterested look on his face. Other than that? He's a nice guy."

Yves: "Oh, Louis is a sweet person. I don't know much about him, but he doesn't seem to like sweets a lot."

Licht: "Louis is strong. It's fun training with him when he visits Rhodolite."

Gilbert: "Louis, hmm? Hehe, he once threatened me. What did I do? I was 'joking' around with Keith. Hehe."

Silvio: "Dunno what the fuck is wrong with him. He seems to hate me."

Keith: "He's one of the most important people in my life. Louis is always there for me... I respect him from the bottom of my heart..."

Kagari: "He once drew me a sketch. I looked amazing in it."

Azel: "That guy seems to hate Silvio-sama. I wonder what the deal with him is. Overall? 5/10."

Mathias: "Louis doesn't seem to be interested in finding his soulmate. When I asked him about it, he politely changed the subject. But he's a great guy."

Sariel: "Louis-san is kind and straightforward. He has never caused trouble when he comes to Rhodolite. I respect him."

Rio: "He's always so silent, but he has kind and understanding eyes."

[life-winners-liveblog]

Watching Double Life session 3

P1

Pearl: Here we go again... Yay.

Scott: ... Yeah... Pearl are you sure?

Pearl: I'm not but we can't wait forever can we?

Scott: Using my own arguments against me, I see how it is.

~~~~~~

Grian: Wait is that my base? ... Other me's base?

Pearl: Yep!

Scar: Looks like a cake! Yummy!

~~~~~

Cleo: Wow! Going to the ancient city in iron? ... that's definitely a choice you can make.

Pearl: ... Thank you Cleo.

Scar: I'm sure you'll do great Pearl!

Martyn: Well, done great, this already happened.

~~~~~

Grian: Why shears?

Pearl: Right, never seen the Warden, forgot about that.

Grian: Yeah, explain?

Pearl: Wardens use noise to find you a wool muffles sounds.

Grian: Ah! I think I got it!

Pearl: Also, lots of sculk is mined faster with shears.

~~~~~

3L!Scar: Impulse and Dubs, they plant seeds of doubt.

Pearl: Do you know everyone from my game?

3L!Scar: I haven't met all of them but yeah, I think so.

Pearl: ... Do you know my Scott? Like, personally?

3L!Scar: I kinda, live with him...? in the loser void.

Pearl: Huh.

~~~~~~

Martyn: And other me died... congrats, you were pathetic.

Scott: Why do you hate other you's so much?

Martyn: They just...frustrate me.

Grian: I definitely get that. I don't like the other versions of me that much either.

Pearl: I don't, Last Life me was adorable.

~~~~~~

Scar: Demoness?

Martyn: That sounds like It's from an Isekai Manga I swear. Like "I got reincarnated as the demoness" type shit.

Scott: ...

3L!Scar: ... What.

Martyn: Ugh nevermind.

Previous session

Previous

Next

[littleplantfreak]

Run my hands through - Umemiya Hajime

Made a post about how much i loved Ume with his hair down yesterday and ended up writing something entirely self indulgent //gestures at this official art too

-SFW (but almost wasn't I almost got super carried away but deleted it cause I leave smut to the professionals) so uhhh marking/hickeys, hair pulling, makin' out with Umemiya and slightly possessive behavior on readers part but in a silly way if that makes sense just in case anyone has problems with that stuff.

You're looking at him more than usual. Umemiya can feel your eyes boring into the back of his head while he's re-potting plants on the roof. He asked you about it before but all you do is hum and say you think you're staring a normal amount. Of course he doesn't mind, but it feels like he's under a microscope. When he asked Kotoha if she knew why you were acting weird, she shrugged and said you'd were looking at some old pictures at the children's home so maybe you'd just been noting how different he looked in his childhood pictures. She ended it with a look and tone that conveyed you'd already asked her to keep something secret.

-----

It's his hair again. The hair that's always gelled back in a slight wave keeping it out of his face completely. It's not hard to break it free from the glassy prison he molds it into though. There have been plenty of times strands fell forward from sweating, working or fighting, but you've never seen it fully down in person. That's why, when you saw a semi-recent picture of him with his siblings, long hair falling in his face, trimmed neatly with ends blunt, you started to feel a certain way about it. You innocently asked Kotoha if she had any more pictures of Ume like that.

"Like what?"

"Like with his hair down."

"Oho you have a thing for his hair now?" She teases and although you know she won't tell him if you ask her not to, you're still embarrassed at being found out so easily.

"He's my boyfriend! I have a thing for nearly everything about him."

"But anyone can tell you're kinda obsessed with it with how much you fix and touch it throughout the day. Just ask him to wear it down for you."

It's not that you hadn't thought about it, but the more you thought, the more you started getting frustrated. Why didn't he wear it down more often? It seems like he did in old pictures. If he hated it now you didn't wanna force him to change it

Your self control was pretty good, but once you'd started really looking it was impossible to stop. His most recent fight with Shishitoren had haphazard strands in his face dislodged by sweat and aggressive movement. Of course you were concerned with the wounds spanning across his face and body, but another part of you wanted to eat him alive with how good he looked. You're not quite sure you'd be able to stop yourself from jumping him if you saw him with his hair fully down. Sitting in a chair on the roof, you watch him and think about the feeling of running your fingers through his white locks unhindered by that damn tough gel he puts in.

"Pumpkin can you hand me the small pruning sheers to your left?" he calls over without looking over at you.

"Mhmmm," you barely reply still stuck in a daze.

Pruning sheers...

Right!

You snap out of the daydreams that'd been haunting you to stand and grab them. Just as you're about to hand them over, Umemiya grasps the wrist with the sheers and pulls gently but firmly to drag you down on the ground with him. He sets the sheers down before taking both your hands in his.

"Something on my face? You've been starin' an awful lot."

"Ahh dirt, if I had to guess," a halfhearted excuse while your brain continued to process things slower than usual.

"Sweetheart baby love of mine," he is all dramatics now stringing pet names together in a silly amalgamation. Once he starts making direct eye contact it's hard to look anywhere else, "you have got to tell me whats going on in that beautiful head of yours. I love the attention but if something's bothering you-"

"It's your hair!" You spit out in a panic, drawing your hands away to cover your face in embarrassment. You can tell he's a little worried and it makes you feel even worse for making a big deal about it.

"My hair bothers you?" He's confused. Of course he is. It isn't something you've brought up in the past after all. He thought you liked his hair since you were always fixing it for him and you do. Your voice is muffled by your hands but he can still understand to a point.

"It looks great and I love it, but I reaaallly wanna see it down," you can hear yourself whining the words instead of saying them normally. "You always have it up when you're at school," taking a deep breath as your hands come off your face to speak more clearly. "I was looking at pictures with Kotoha and they're pretty much all of you with your hair down." Taking a second you twirl one of his loose strands around your finger in lieu of staring again, sincerely embarrassed you let it get to you this bad. He finally puts the pieces together from his conversation with Kotoha earlier.

"Our date night's tomorrow right? I'll wear it down then," he says, letting you mess with his hair. He can see a jolt go through you at his words and you lock eyes with him immediately.

"Really? Really really?" You're just about vibrating in place, grabbing his face with both hands and squishing his cheeks.

"Rweawy rweawy rweawy!" His breath is coming out of his nose in amused puffs due to the quick shift in enthusiasm and your hold on his face.

"I'VE GOTTA GO PICK MY OUTFIT OUT OH MY GOD ILOVEYOUBYE!" A small peck on the nose and you're gone like the wind throwing open the door and running past Sugishita who was on his way up the stairs. The long haired boy looks back at Umemiya with wide, questioning eyes before letting the moment pass, his head dips in the usual greeting before he walks over to do the daily gardening tasks.

_____

“I changed my mind we can’t go out tonight.”

“Babe you’re all dressed up and you were so excited to check out that new restaurant near the park,” Hajime sighs exasperated. You’re in the foyer of his home, hands on both sides of the door frame blocking his escape.

“Not looking like that you aren’t! Do you want every girl in a 20 mile radius to fall for you? The men too? I’ll have to fight every single one of them and of course I’d win but imagine the casualties! The collateral damage!” you cry hanging your head in fake hysterics. Both Kotoha and their other siblings have been watching this two-part comedy special for about 10 minutes now, two minutes of which you just STARED at him. Then you began circling like a hawk looking at him from any and all angles as if to commit it to memory. Then you started laying on the compliments and pick up lines but he could tell you meant every one of them. “Who is this absolute knock out in front of me? Is my boyfriend a model now? Did it hurt when you fell because I’m staring at an angel.”

Which brought you both to the current scene and while you were (for the most part) joking, you also…weren’t. You could and probably are just extremely biased but GOD you think no one could pull off that hair quite so well. Usually it takes a lot to make Umemiya blush, but his face is currently stained red by how brazen you are at the moment. He’s smiling and trying to take it in stride but even Kotoha can tell he’s affected by your display and she's relishing it.

“No more arguing,” he picks you up by the waist and hoists you to him in a hug that leaves your face in his chest and feet off the floor. “We’re heading out now.” He sends a farewell back to your amused audience and the kids yell back a cacophony of teases and calls for their onee-san and onii-san to come back soon. You start muffling unrecognizable words into his shirt before he puts you down as he gets further down the street.

“It would’ve been one of the best ways to die if i’d stayed there a little longer,” you breathe and stumble back a bit.

“You are shameless today,” he laughs and goes to hold your hand. Anyone watching you both can tell you're grossly in love by the dreamy look on your face as you watch him while you walk down the street. You realize now that this is the first time in about two weeks you have him to yourself, which may be why you've been clingier than normal. Every time either of you tried to schedule date night with the other, someone or something came up and made you push date night back.

Going two weeks without any prolonged physical contact (save for hello and goodbye hugs or kisses) with your boyfriend has made you starved for him in every way your brain can fathom, which is why it isn't surprising that you end up dragging him through the park to an alcove you know isn't traveled to often. It also isn't surprising when you sit him down on the bench bracing a knee next to him, and pinning him loosely in place. He doesn't say a word, but tilts his head up slightly angled in favor of you closing the distance, daring you with those stormy grey eyes.

Your hands find their way easily to the soft ivory of his hair, delving deeper to twist and pull him in. Caught between a sigh and a moan, Umemiya Hajime is melting into you, lines blurring and nerves on fire. His hands fumble to grab the thigh closest to him as he moves you to straddle him. You haven't let up on your assault on his senses, fingers loosening their hold to rub small circles into his scalp.

Is this how you feel when he goes all out after stress starts to take it's toll on him? Now that he thinks about it he's always been the one to initiate this kind of thing, but god he would've asked you to take the lead sooner if he knew it felt this good. Heartbeat thrumming through his hands, he runs them in a soothing pattern from the top of your hip to you knee giving your legs the occasional extra squeeze.

A wave of calm shifts the clouds filling your head out as you have an idea. Parting from him briefly you start kissing and mouthing your way down to the collar of his shirt. He squeezes your thighs harder as your breath ghosts his neck and you give it a few experimental nips before cooling the spot with your tongue. He's trying to stifle a high pitched noise in the back his throat but once you hear it you latch on biting and sucking a single bright red mark. A soft breath over your work before you sit back to admire it. The mark peeks out just enough for you to see it right now but low enough that when he's wearing his furin jacket, he'll be able to hide it.

"That was-," you start, still breathless.

"Wow," he voice cracks at the same time. His eyes are a little wild but his hair is even wilder, sticking up in some directions and falling flat in others. Giving a small tap on his arm he releases the deathgrip he had on you before his eyes stick right to where he had been holding. Blue bruises are scattered over both legs where his fingers were, but they're just barely hidden once you fix your dress.

"Guess we're uh...even?" you're suddenly bashful at what was probably the same type of stare you've been giving him for a week straight now. Umemiya runs his own hands through his hair trying to catch his breath and make himself a little more presentable too.

"No way are we close to being even you little monster. After dinner I'm getting you back," and you can tell he's not bluffing.

"I'm shaking in my shoes Haji," you shot back feeling a bit more like yourself as you go to grab his hand. He moves towards you but you end up spun around and he picks you up for the second time that night, this time settled on carrying you bridal style.

"Put me down," you squeak in warning, the skirt of your dress no longer hiding the fresh bruises.

"This is part of your punishment sweetheart. Also, no one's coming after me if I carry you around like a princess right?" It was hard to argue with that logic and to be fair, despite your earlier boldness your legs ended up weak. He had probably seen the shaky steps you took towards him a second ago.

Both of you got to the restaurant in time despite the detour and the next day you were sporting a hoodie to hide the payback you took happily after.

[captainlunaxmen]

All for The Cameras

Chapter 10

Finnick Odair x fem!reader

Here we are! I really hope you like this chapter, and thank you to everyone who comments and likes my stories. It means so much🖤💜🖤

Let me know what you think, and if you're new and want to be added to the tag list let me know💜

Chapter summary: the "life" as Capitol's captive is not the best, neither is in district 13 not knowing what's going on.

Chapter warnings: it's the Hunger Games... I mean. Heavy hint of rape, blood, mention of torture.

Tag list:

@guacam011y @justtrying2getby @idontevenknow1359 @alexandra-001 @bambikitten @maggiecc @redh00dsbf @haneybunny @1-800-styles @sisiking99 @merromimo @yourdailymemedelivery @regsg18 @gordorio @bambikitten @gracieeleanorr @shev3nom @honethatty12 @savingprivatecass @erindiggory @martahabla @sterredem @aawdrea @wpdarlingpan @strawberry--fawn @barbarathewanderer @ih8books @a-mysterious-potato @mayonesavegana @celinaiscrying @katherinejess @meri-soni-meri-tamanna @abaker74 @syd649 @meikoo @secretsicanthideanymore @p1stachi @laylasshiftingtonight @yourmumstoy @s0urw00lf @kermits-bitch @littleshadow17

@piya-re @ivymyers @potao-o @wqstedyouths

I'm sorry if I can't tag everyone😔🥺

Y/n's Pov

I don't know how long we've been here.

Days?

Months?

Weeks?

Hours?

Regardless of the truth, too damn long.

Part of me wants someone to rescue us, another doesn't want anyone to get near this place in fear of them getting caught too.

"Y/n...?" Johanna's voice feels further than it actually was, "Y/n... don't get into your head."

"All my fault." I mutter, shaking my head.

"I don't know what you said, but I can tell it's not good." Johanna groans, as she sits up a little straighter.

"Johanna..." I start with an exasperated sigh.

"No."

"It is my fault." I say firmly, "it is, and you have all the reason to hate me."

"Stop it."

"I should've gotten you all out. I..." I choke out a sob.

"Please... stop that." I've never heard her pleading, that alone makes me regain some sense and I crawl closer to the bars.

"I'm sorry." I say, "I'm afraid they know what they're doing..."

"I'm afraid so." Johanna nods, "if you lose yourself we're fucked."

"I know." I force a smile, "do you know how long it's been?"

"Uh..." she groans, "days? Weeks? No idea. Feels like too long, that's for sure."

"Agree." I sigh, "it's been too long since they took Peeta too."

"I don't know what t-" she stops herself.

"Uh?"

"They're coming." She whispers.

A moment later the peacekeepers walk in, passing my cell I see they are dragging Peeta, he can't even stand.

They throw him in his cell without any words and leave the room.

"Peeta?" I call softly, when he doesn't answer I look at Johanna in the cell in front of mine, she can probably see him better than me.

She shrugs.

"Peeta...? What's wrong?" I try again and this time I can hear a grunt from him. "Peeta..."

"She did this." He says, so softly I could hardly hear. My heart breaks, suspecting he's talking about me.

"What... what do you say?" Johanna asks.

"It's her fault." He says louder and I crawl a little back, trying to hide myself.

"Who are you talking about?" Johanna asks again.

"Katniss."

I immediately sit up straight, I look at Johanna who look right back at me, I'm sure we have the same confused expression on our faces.

"What did they do to you there, Peeta?" I carefully ask.

"I... It's all her fault." He says, without answering my question.

"Peeta, answer me." I tell him. I look towards Johanna for any sort of answer, clue of what's happening to him, but she's just as confused.

When we hear footsteps coming towards us, Johanna and I crawl back against the wall, waiting as they open the doors.

"Y/n."

I look up to see Cal, hands behind his back, looking down at me.

"What?" I spat.

"The president requires your presence." He states and with a nod of his head, he motion for the guards to open the door and take me.

They harshly grab me and make me stand.

"Hey!" Cal suddenly shouts, "she's my fiancee, careful."

I roll my eyes as I force myself to walk, and not be dragged, I try to send a quick reassuring look to Johanna as I pass.

"Any clue?" I ask, annoyed to mask the fear I'm actually feeling.

"He wants to show you something." He simply says as we walk through the dark corridors. There are no windows, I can't even tell if it's dry or night outside.

I look around, thinking of a way to escape, I've been inside these buildings all my life, and there must be something I can use.

"You try anything, I'll make sure you regret it." Cal interrupts my thoughts, grabbing my arm to push me to walk quicker.

I can only stay silent, but my eyes are wide open.

--------------

One of the Peacekeepers opens the door to Snow's office, and Cal pushes me inside.

"Ah! Miss L/n, good to see you." He greets rather cheerfully.

"I thought you were above lying, sir." I mutter.

"On the contrary, my dear, but it doesn't mean I am lying now. I was looking forward to show you something." He's smiling, happy with himself. It's not a good sign usually.

"And what that something might be?" I ask, I try to keep a brave stance, but the way he stares at me proves that he doesn't believe it, and he knows he could crush me if he wanted to.

He looks at me carefully before turning the screen on. The gasp I let out is full of hope, seeing Katniss alive and well. She's somewhere with a sort of filming team, military, Gale is with them. And I think I recognise the other woman. She used to work here in the Capitol. I can't recognise where they are...

"District 8, miss L/n." Snow says, probably from noticing my analysing the footage, "she went to visit a makeshift hospital there..."

"You... what did you do..?" I know what he could've done, I'm just mad, furious.

"What you see here is nothing. You see, we declared not long ago that any association with the Mockingjay symbol is forbidden, any form of association." He explains, "so... you tell me. What would happen next?"

I can't help the tears forming and falling from my eyes, the rage I wish to let out, but I can't... or I won't be the one to pay.

"I... I..."

"If you were there, you probably would've suggested a different approach, wouldn't you?" He mocks, "You're a smart girl, I did raise you, whether you like it or not. Your insights on our ways would've helped them. But now I want you to tell me: what was the inevitable next step?"

I'm shaking, I keep my eyes on the screen. If Katniss is alive, maybe the others are too...

"Well?" He urges, "say it."

"Kill the wounded..." I whisper.

"My exact words, miss L/n, my exact words." He looks at me, proudly it seems, and all I want to do is throw up.

"You attacked a makeshift hospital... without defence..." I keep shaking my head.

"They committed treason, my dear girl. There was a warning." He simply states.

"Why did you show me this?" I snap.

"Ah, finally." He walks closer to me, "try take a guess."

"Stop with this game." I spit back.

"Take a guess."

I take deep breaths, thinking.

"I..."

"Let me hear your thoughts, entertain me." He says.

I clench my fists, nails poking my skin hard enough to keep my mind focused.

"It's can't be so I can tell the others, too easy." I start and he nods.

"And why?"

"Because Peeta's treatment is not complete..." I say, realising it now, "one word and all your progress would be useless... so why tell me?... I..." Then another realisation hits me even harder, "I have to keep the secret from them... if they found out they wouldn't trust me anymore." I see Snow nodding, "and of course if I say something you would know and you would punish them, and not me."

All a stupid mind game, make me feel guilty for something I have no power on...

"Smart girl." He compliments, "your punishment for lying and betraying the Capitol, do the same to your loved ones. One word and they'll suffer. All because of you. Just like your brother."

If he shot me, it would hurt less.

I force myself to stay put, whatever I do will fall on Peeta and Johanna. I feel my hands getting wet, but I'm afraid if I move I'd do something I know they'll make me regret.

"Have someone bandage her hands before the next interview, general." Snow adresses Cal, I didn't even notice him entering the room.

"Of course." Cal responds, putting a hand on the small of my back to make me move.

That snaps me out of my paralysis and I loom at my hands. My nails got through and now there's blood on my hands...

Irony is weird. So is the fact that we're not heading to the tribute centre where they're keeping us...

"Where..."

"Shut up." Cal grabs my arm, "you need more than a few session."

I stop abruptly, his hold only tightens.

"Please no... Cal, please..." I struggle against him.

"We'll try again the reality session."

My heart sink at the thought.

No...

I struggle more but he just grabs me and puts me on his shoulder, I'm too weak to keep going.

I need to keep repeating myself that nothing is real in there.

Nothing is real in there.

Finnick's Pov

"Did you already try the trident Beetee made for you?" Haymitch asks Finnick, hoping to distract him from his knots.

"I... yeah... it was... Good... I think." He mutters.

"You know she wants you to fight, right?" Haymitch tries again, "Y/n wouldn't want you here, worried sick making knots over knots."

"She would slap me, probably." Finnick allows himself a small chuckle.

"Oh, for sure." Haymitch agrees, "so?"

"What?"

"Are you planning on keeping on sulking here?"

Finnick sighs deeply, eyes on the knot in his hands.

He puts is down on the bed and stands. Haymitch looks at him, a victorious grin on his face as he begins walking away, sure Finnick is following him.

Finnick takes a deep breath and follows him out.

--------------

As Finnick and Haymitch get to the others, another transmission from the Capitol starts.

Y/n and Peeta are together this time, facing the camera directly.

"Look at any movement from her, any scheme." Haymitch tells everyone, "she's trying to communicate."

"She tried to teach me morse code... she never got to..." Finnick whispers, defeated.

"Well, we got people here who knows it, don't stress yourself about it." Coin comforts him, "if she's indeed sending a message... we'll get it."

"Look at her..." Finnick feels himself about to cry, "look at them..."

In that moment Katniss and Boggs arrive too, just as Y/n starts speaking.

"Tonight, we've received reports of derailed trains, of granaries on fire, and of a savage attack on the hydroelectric dam in district 5." She says, hands fidgeting as always.

"We're begging for restraint and decency." Peeta adds.

Before he can say anything more, the scene changes into Katniss walking through ruins ans her voice singing.

"That's it. That's our footage" says president Coin.

"Beetee's in." Plutarch realises.

The scenes switch between Katniss' and The Capitol's.

"Katniss.." Peeta whispers.

"He sees it. He sees our propo."

"Katniss, are you there?" He asks.

Finnick looks at Katniss crying, helpless, then goes back at looking at the screen. He notices Y/n reaching a hand out to comfort Peeta, or to keep him focused. He can see threat of tears in her eyes.

Someone from the front desks walks up to Coin handing her a piece of paper. She nods her head and whispers something to them and they quickly run out the room

"Peeta, please continue." Ceaser voice urges him, "you were telling us about these savage attacks."

If before this interruption Y/n eyes were looking in front of her, to the camera, now they're set on Peeta.

"The attack on the damp was a callous and inhuman act of destruction." He says, but it switches again to Katniss singing.

"Think about it." He's fully in distress now, Finnick sees Y/n whispering something to Peeta as she gently grabs his hands, soothing him. "How will this end. What will be left? They're coming, Katniss. They're gonna kill everyone." Peeta's like he snapped out of whatever hypnotic state he was and warns her, "in district 13, you'll be dead by morning!"

Before the transmission is cut they managed to see peacekeepers grabbing both Peeta and Y/n.

"He's warning us. That was a warning." Haymitch says.

"Yes, it was." Boggs agrees.

"We have to get them out before they kill them." Katniss basically begs and Finnick is very close to do the same.

"Is there anything in the air?" Coin asks.

"Nothing on Doppler, ma'am."

"They were in the mansion. They could have overheard something." Coin guesses.

"Possibly." Plutarch agrees, "plus Y/n knows their ways."

Coin then looks at everyone, pondering.

"It's time for an air raid drill." Coin announces.

Everyone starts walking out as the alarm starts bleeping, urging everyone to get ready to begun evacuation protocol, heading to the underground shelters.

Finnick follows everyone down, he has to be careful not to trip down, because his mind is busy worrying about Y/n.

Are they going to hurt her? Kill her? He'd give his life to know... he'd give up his life for hers.

Y/n's Pov

We're in the dark. Complete dark.

Could it be a malfunction in the building electric storage? No... something happened, but what.

"Any idea, L/n?" Johanna asks.

"Not a clue."

"Peeta?" Johanna calls, him. He hasn't said a word since they got us back here.

"Mmh." He grunts, but not a word.

"What did they do?" She asks.

"They... grabbed him, he tried to get away from them..." I start, my voice shaking at the memory, "they started to kick him... hard. I try to make them stop. They punched me... they kept on kicking us until... Cal came in..."

"God..." she groans.

"At least they stopped hitting him." I whisper. "And they didn't bring us back to torture us... last time they used my brother... I don't think I can take another of those..."

"Fuck..." she breaths out.

"Doesn't mean they won't torture us tomorrow..." I hold back my tears, "but for tonight we're okay... I think."

"He got back before you..." Johanna inquires.

"So?"

"You were bleeding when they got you here... has it stopped?"

"No..."

"You said Cal was there." She keeps guessing.

"Yes..."

"Did he...?"

"Yes, Johanna, can we not talk about it?" I snap.

"Of course." She says, understanding.

I take a deep breath, to calm my nerves, and prevent any more tears.

"I didn't mean to snap. I'm sorry." I say.

"I snap all the time and you're never upset about it. Don't worry." She says, to cheer me up, I think.

"I never minded you snapping at me." I chuckle.

"That's why I thought you were worthy of my respect." She casually says.

"Because I let you snap at me?" I ask.

"Because you understand."

"Don't go soft on me now, Mason." I warn her playfully, "we'll getting out."

"Hope is a dangerous thing." She warns me as well.

"Yet it's also powerful." I wish I could wink at her right now, but I'm forced to close both my eyes due to the light turning back on.

"What the fuck?" She exclaims, "what's going on?"

"I don't know." I try to force my eyes to get used again to the strong light.

Then something is thrown into the room, and everything is surrounded by smoke.

We start coughing hard, I try to keep my eyes open to see anything.

I suddenly see people armed and with helmets on.

"What the fuck..."

"What's going on? Hey?!" Johanna screams at them.

One of them get closer to my cell, through the artificial fog, once they're close enough they removes the helmet just enough for me to see him, but everything turns black before I even get a glimpse.

[concretecultist]

Hey! Would you be up for writing Matt smut? Author’s choice on the topic!

I love a little angst so I had to add a little bit of that in here if that was okay!

THIS IS ALL FICTIONAL. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THESE THEMES.

18+!!!!

Warnings: a lil bit of angst, smut, p in v , oral (f and m receiving) unprotected sex, mentions of crying

A/n: I don’t know how to write short stories so I hope that it’s okay that it’s not a Drabble or anything. Pls reblog if you enjoyed 🥰

~Berry🫐

———

“Your job always comes first, I get it,” here you are, once again just hoping Matt would compromise. His visits are always short, he’s always on the road, home doesn’t feel like home anymore.

“Oh come on, don’t say it like that,” Matt was tired of the back and forth too, but there was only so much he could do, the guys were blowing up and this was his job, he can’t abandon that.

“Like what?,” you wanted to hide the tears, you hated for him to see you cry, even after years of being together, crying was something you still felt ashamed about, you were working on that though.

“As if you come second!,”

“Don’t I though?,” with a squint of your eyes you tilt your head in hopes to get your point across, “This job… this life is who you were before you met me and it will always be who you are. It will always come first and I’m not expecting you to completely abandon that responsibility but I have sacrificed to be there for you. I have exceeded my vacation time to fly with you the moment you ask. All I want is a little more time with you than a week every other month,”

There was a silence that filled the air and honestly, there was nothing Matt could really say. You have sacrificed a lot. You’ve pulled late nights at work just to build more PTO to travel with him, you’ve missed out on office parties because he was supposed to be your plus one but something came up to where he couldn’t be there.

But even the traveling with him wasn’t enough.

You wanted something domestic. Something that didn’t involve tight bunk beds, jet lag and itchy hotel towels.

You wanted movie nights in the solace of your own home, bubble baths together, morning walks and home cooked meals. Obviously, you knew what you signed up for but it was getting a little harder to handle now and you just wanted him there.

“So, where do we go from here?,” he was worried to hear you answer. Was this an ideal situation? No. But you were worth it, and when Matt envisions settling down, you’re there. He knows this is hard but he just needs you to hold on a little longer.

“We move forward,” you answer as if it was simple, and really, it was. “This is hard but at least I still get to call you mine at the end of the day. I still get to call you and say I love you and when you are home, I get to feel your warm embrace and enjoy your company. I know this is your dream and you love it so I’m willing to be patient.. All I want is a little more effort,”

“I’ll give it,” he answered quickly, “I’ll give it. I’ll do more, I will try harder because I don’t want to lose you. You’re endgame… I just want to build a life for us and this is the only way I know how,”

You can see the cogs turning in his mind and he’s starting to overthink this. So you’re pulling him on to the bed with you to climb in his lap.

“Listen,” you sigh with a kiss to his cheek, ‘I don’t want to spend the rest of our time arguing about this. There are… other ways we could be spending our time,”

He hears the teasing edge in your tone and he perks up like a curious dog and you love the way the smirk grows on his face.

“Do tell?,”

“I think the best way to let the other know that we missed each other isn’t by going back and forth about it, but by… proving it,”

You remove the hat that has become a daily accessory.

“I know you missed the way I kissed right here,” your tone is dressed with desire when you kiss right under his ear, once the kiss is planted, you feel him shiver, “I know you missed the way I wear your Cannibal Corpse shirt with just a pair of underwear like I am now,”

You would be the death of this man. Being on the road was hard enough but not being able to be intimate with his girl was torture.

So he took control, like he always does and suddenly you feel shy.

Matt was a lover boy and just like you always made sure he felt loved and handsome, he makes sure you feel loved and beautiful. He knows that after so much time spent apart that you begin feel self conscious about showing yourself to him.

His hand makes its way up under the shirt to cup your breasts to feel your nipples harden under his touch.

It never fails. He knows how to melt your worries away with a simple touch.

“I love it when you look at me like,” he beams, his smile was healing, every time he smiled it was like you were floating because it was a smile made for you.

“Like what?,” your eyes are glazed over now, under his spell of casual dominance

“Like I hung the stars in the sky by hand, one by one,” his head dips down to plant kisses all over your stomach, a finger dipping under the waistband of your panties, spreading the wetness that was there for him to devour.

His lips were on your clit in no time, your hands tangling in his hair. It’s like every time he goes down on you, your lungs are pumped full of the freshest air. He always took care of you and he could always tell that was a fact with the way you would call out his name.

“Mattyyyyyy,” he could reel an orgasm out of you in record time, you were his girl and it was only fair that he do just that.

Despite you just cumming around his fingers, he wasn’t ready to withdraw them from you, so he kept moving them in and out of you at a tantalizing pace. He was hypnotized by the way you coated his fingers, like his appendages were a painting but it wasn’t complete until they were coated with a gloss.

“I want to take care of you,” an exhausted voice rings through his ears, pulling him out of his daze.

“You are,” he answered plainly.

Matt was the type of guy to get his rocks off from his girl being well taken care of. He loved it when you took care of him, however, letting him take care of you was indeed, you taking care of him.

“No, I NEED to take care of you,” you sit up and pull away which caused Matt to whine as his fingers were removed from your core, “I spent too long without the weight of you in my mouth. I just wanna take care of you,”

How could he say no when you sound so pretty like that? With that needy pout.

It wasn’t long before you find yourself flat on your stomach in between his legs with his heavy length in your mouth. He was a pretty man but this angle right here? With his head propped up on some pillows, looking down at you with hooded eyes, sweat beading on his forehead, little gasps escaping his pink, parted lips? It was an unmatched view. It was a view that you wanted tattooed on your skin, it was an image worth hanging up on your wall.

“Just like that, baby,” his thumb caressed your cheek while you made a mess in his lap, spit dripping down your chin, pretty doe eyes staring back up at him, if you didn’t stop, he was going to cum and he didn’t want to cum just yet. He’s gone long enough without being inside you and he’ll be damned if he cums anywhere else.

But he wasn’t ready to remove himself from your mouth just yet.

Your tongue circled him so well, you gagged around him so deliciously, the way you made sure to pay his balls some attention while stroking him always had his heels digging into the mattress.

“Baby please,” his plea was a mixture of a whimper and a groan and you knew you had to give him a break. Pulling off of him with a pop, you were back in his lap, lips immediately attaching to his so that he could taste himself off your tongue and you could taste yourself off of his.

You don’t know how much time has passed as you could kiss him forever if you could, but Matt couldn’t handle the feeling of you dripping onto him, he couldn’t handle the pulsing of your core.

You were about to take off the shirt you’re wearing but he stopped you, “Keep it on,” he demanded so sweetly.

“Not to cover you up but, I just like taking you when you wear my clothes,” he was so gentle when flipping you over and lifting the shirt up just enough to reveal your breasts in which he took in his mouth, working up the courage to slide in. He was just so nervous that he would bust embarrassingly quick.

“Mattyyy,” it was a sweet hum, a call to him that he wouldn’t dare ignore.

“I got you, honey,” removing himself from your chest to use one hand to hold the back of your head as he pressed his forehead against yours, and using the other to guide himself into you.

Both of your mouths hung open as he slid in. He breathed in your moan as if to siphon your life force to keep him alive.

Your thighs were wide open, heels resting on his lower back as he built up a pace. He was hitting every spot. It was too good and yet you couldn’t close your eyes because how do you tear them away when he’s staring you directly into your soul?

“Don’t stop,” is all you can say, “Please, please, please,”

He uses his free hand to take one of your legs and push it back until it’s touching your chest. This new angle brings tears to your eyes as it helps him dig deeper until you feel him in your stomach.

“Fuck, I missed you!,” your hands wrap around his neck just needing to feel him under your touch.

“I know, baby. I missed you too,”

The kiss he delivers is packed with need and frustration. He needs you so bad and your circumstances keep this from happening more often, but it also makes these moments so much more fulfilling.

It was so difficult to focus on one sensation that it felt like you were about to crumble into pieces. The feeling of his lips on yours, teeth clashing, feeling him grip your hair at the back of your head, feeling the skin of his forehead on yours. The way he won’t break your eye contact, the feeling of his breathy moans on your lips.

It was pushing you closer to the edge and you couldn’t help the tears from flowing.

Then you have the feeling of his hand tightly gripping the crease of your knee like his life depended on it. But you know it was to keep him grounded so he didn’t cum before you did. Then you have his pelvis grinding onto your clit as he rolled his hips into you. The feeling of his tip nudging your cervix and the length of him hitting every other spot that caused you to tremble in his grasp.

“Matty I think.. it’s too much, I can’t,”

“You’re almost there, baby. You know I got you, you can do it,”

You had no choice but to tighten your grip. Your eyes had no choice but to flutter as he picked up the pace, pelvis slapping against yours when he sat back on his heels to drink in the view of your fucked out face with your breasts on display in his shirt.

“No!, come back, please. Come back, come back,” you really just needed him near. Even with him literally inside of you, he was just too far away.

He understands, he just needed to take a mental picture of how ethereal you look right now.

“I’m right here,” his forehead is on yours once more and his swollen lips are tangling with yours for the umpteenth time tonight.

“You can do it, baby. Can you cum for me? I know it’s a lot but you can do it,”

The way he coaxed you was your undoing.

You didn’t care how loud you were as your orgasm ripped you apart at the seams, taking every ounce of energy, it felt so good you couldn’t help but sob.

“That’s it,” he whispered, “That’s my girl,”

With a few more strokes, due to you throbbing around him, Matt’s resolve unraveled and he was spilling inside of you. Both of you huffing and trying to catch your breath.

He tried to get off of you to clean you up but you wrapped your arms even tighter around his neck and whimpered one simple word.

“No,”

“I have to clean you up,”

“I really just need you close, Matty. Please don’t leave right now. Just stay,”

He could hear the desperation in your voice. It was a sound he hadn’t heard in a while.

For the duration of your relationship, you’d kept a brave face, always keeping in mind that you will see Matt again, that you will hold him and kiss him and laugh with him again.

But tonight the brave face had to be hung up on the wall and it was now time to wear the face of vulnerability.

“Just stay right here, a little longer. Please?,”

How could he say no?

You loved the feeling of him weighing you down because it helped remind you that he was here, that he was real.

Matt made it look easy, to be able to leave and not get emotional. But little did you know, it’s been eating him up inside for ages.

He knew something would have to give.

[bxckkdoor]

Hello, I'd like to request for something (will leave you to decide the format, if that's okay) related to Stray Kids with the following plot:

Cold or mean co-worker who makes life at work challenging for you, but always defends you if you're caught in an unfair position (being reprimanded or accused for something you didn't do, for example). He just has a strong sense of justice, doesn't necessarily mean he has feelings for you. But one day, something happens that changed your relationship from acquaintance/ co-worker to friends and slowly to lovers after you caught feelings for each other. I can't decide which Stray Kids member to focus on, so maybe you can help me decide?

Thanks!

r u mine? ⋆｡𖦹°‧

SYNOPSIS  : your cold coworker might hate you but not as much as he hates seeing people being taken advantage of

PLAYLIST : r u mine? - arctic monkey ; shameless - camilla cabello

PAIRING(S) : coworker!lee minho x gender neutral reader

WARNING(S) : mentions of overworking, verbal abuse ( not described ) , and car wrecks ( jokingly mentioned )

note : hihi !! im sososo sorry for this being incredibly late :( good news though, im finally out for the summer so i'll core on fulling the other req i have ( thank u guys endlessly for caring about my writing ) !! also.. im using a different app so let me know which one you prefer, the old one or this one!! enjoy <33

thank u for reading !! please send me any feedback or critiques you have this time around !! this was so fun despite it taking me forever <33 i hope you enjoyed !

my skz masterlist !!

— @bxckkdoor ᧔o᧓