#but never in november i don't think
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not me already being excited for nanowrimo
like can we at least get to labor day @me
#my hope is to be at least 65k in to this rewrite so i can make finishing the draft the goal#so i'm gonna end up a rebel not even doing a full 50k anyway lol#i don't think i've ever completed nano lmao#like 50k + in a month?? yes#but never in november i don't think#this has been#a pointless post
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heartbreaking! man wants to play clangen but he fucked it up trying to edit updates in so he wouldn't have to transfer all his mods over
#cicada blabs#:(#i just wanted the leader den update#and i! majorly fucked up!!#and i do not have a backup of the original files that i edited so i am FUCKED#i would have to find out when the last time i actually updated was (i think november 2023?)#get the files from there#and then re add ALL the updates i had added in#and then make a backup and try to add the leader's den AGAIN#i think probably what happened is there were some files where there were a lot of changes#and instead of manually editing in each one#i decided it'd probably be fine to just overwrite the file with the updated one#and there were probably other updates within that file that i did not have#hence fucking everything up#idk.#it would probably be easiest to just actually update clangen#but they changed how stuff works and it requires new stuff#and i could not for the life of me get the new stuff to install#and it then recommends something other than thonny to run it#and i fucking tried and literally couldn't figure it out#and i don't WANT to use something new#i just want to use thonny! it's what i've been using for forever and i LIKE it#AGH.#hell world.#i am never going to try manually updating clangen without making backups ever again
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TWO DAYS LEFT TO THE LAST TWILIGHT TRAILER
#the way there are so many shows starting in november and some of them seem pretty interesting too#but all i can think about is: are you last twilight (the picture of you i will never forget)#featuring jimmy jitaraphol potiwihok and sea tawinan anukoolprasert and directed by aof noppharnach chaiyahwimhon? no??? then i don't care#m: txt
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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actually i dont think chara undertale is 12 i think theyre 13. This has been set in stone in my mind because i was 13 when i played undertale. Also kris is 15 in my mind because i was 15 when deltarune chapter 1 came out. Also I thought Frisk was 10 for some reason which is not based in anything about my life at all and I don't feel strongly about it due to that fact that was just the number that was less than 13 that I came up with when I was 13
#I was 12 when undertale came out but i think i played it either really close to or after my birthday.#I can't remember if it was already 2016 or not when I got to it.#For some reason I want to say it was november 2015 which would have been like a month before my birthday.#So most of my time spent thinking about chara would have occurred at 13 anyway. Math#mypost#10 feels slightly old for frisk now for some reason but maybe that's just because i've seen a lot of fanart lately where they're like.#6. and it skewed my perception. i vaguely recall also thinking they were 8 sometimes in the past which i guess splits the difference.#This is never going to be important in conversation ever so I don't really need to think of a concrete answer I think.
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Hi lovelies! Good news and bad news, good news is part 2 of TF is almost done! Bad news is I'm incredibly ill rn so I can't write bc of this horrible headache and fever. So sorry, have a nice day, my loves ❤️❤️❤️
#don't worry im taking care of myself!#hope its not the virus#lesson learned never swim in November even tho it was 35 degrees outside#bc IT WILL rain#katy mumbles#katy updates#part 2 is at 5k already and i think i have like 6 scenes left
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what's wrong with americans why did i just see a post lecturing people who said they're gonna vote for kamala harris but who aren't HAPPY ABOUT IT? literally what more do you want
#they think everything is chronically online leftist posturing maybe people would just like to live in a country where a candidate who has a#chance of winning actually opposes israel and supports palestine in a meaningful way or is you know on the actual left and they're#literally saying they're gonna vote for her because they know that's never gonna happen in the us at least not by november like should they#switch ideologies just to make you happy. they're saying they're gonna vote for her what more do you want#they know the us is a capitalist dystopia and if you actually don't like capitalism you're never gonna be allowed to be anything#politically they're saying they're gonna vote for her do they have to pretend they suddenly like capitalism because if they don't people#aren't gonna vote for her#like the post lists policies she has that people would like because people don't like her 'based on vibes'???? she's a democrat she's a#liberal do you think everyone who isn't a republican is a liberal is no one allowed to think anything else lmao#and like i say: brf slt
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there's nothing like being self aware that what you're doing is kinda reckless but whatever it's fine
#this guy is 7 years older and lives miles away but i'm still talking to him everyday and he's coming to visit me in november#i think when i call him later i might set a bit of a boundary lol bc i think he likes me a little more than i like him#but at the same time i really like him and wanna just go with it#also i'm not willing to make any changes in my life rn because i've just made a major change so it could never go past a certain point#in terms of it becoming a serious relationship which i know is what he wants nd i don't want to lead him on#ugh life is complicated
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oh so now the birds are eating the <25 cherries i've got growing on my tiny tree
literally everything i've planted in this fucking garden has either died on its own or has been killed by birds/bugs
#my garden is a microcosm of my whole life right now#my life has been on a downward spiral since last july and bestie i am starting to reach my fucking limit#defaulting to thinking ''i wish i were dead'' at every little inconvenience is BAD!!!! i know!!!! but it's true!!!#the mint from trader joe's was infested with aphids and i've been cleaning it off every day for 2 weeks and it's STILL got them#like... this plant is 1 foot tall with two little stalks and less than 30 leaves. it hasn't grown in the 2 months i've had it#the money plant still reeks of mold and has to live outside because of its smell and the fungus gnats#the golden sage just fuckin.... burned to death????? it turned gray and DIED#the one and only bean plant that sprouted just ejected the only 2 true leaves it bothered growing#the originally robust blackberry cane is withering. the other two did get better but started from the ground up. there's 1 blackberry total#the rosemary hasn't gotten any bigger in the 3 months i've had it#the scotch brooms don't look so good. the salvia haven't gotten any bigger in 3 months and the creeping phlox bleached and died#the thyme is doing okay and the culinary sage is hanging in there but i don't have high hopes#not a single fucking wildflower sprouted in the yard. i used 2 bags of seed+mulch that was supposed to cover 600sq ft (the yard is 400)#the mourning doves ate a bunch of the seeds and the rest never sprouted#there's a few puny sunflower sprouts but the cottontail came and ate some of those leaves#the cottontail also ate an entire stalk of the potted mystery flowers#the huge plant i moved in November... the one that surprisingly survived frost/freeze... can't handle the heat and is now dead#i just...#the job market is awful. the salaries are worse. the neighborhood is in the middle of nowhere and inhabited by paranoid cops#everyone has big dogs who go apeshit when they hear ppl walking#and the fences are short and the dogs are big so i'm scared to go walking because EVERY. DAY. on the nextdoor app are people#announcing that they found a dog wandering the neighborhood. or ppl saying ''omgggg my dog got out of the yard! have u seen it?''#spring was all wind/gusty and it battered the blackberries and sucked all the moisture out of the yard#so the 2 tons of compost that we rototilled into the dirt? it's just dust now. there's nothing living in that soil#and now summer is here and it's too hot and these plants don't have a chance#i hate everything
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I'm sick, and I've been sick for awhile, and I don't think it's contagious but I do think it's been getting worse, but I'm probably not going to die from it. But on the plus side, if I did die from it, at least the results of the election in November wouldn't affect me, right?
#at least i don't think it's contagious bc my gf didn't get sick when she was here#and i was like. lowkey sick when she was here#now i'm like midkey sick#i feel bad both when i don't eat AND when i DO eat#nausea and stomach pains almost round the clock baybee!#also near constant fatigue and also coughing and mucus in my throat#and sinus pressure. and achy back muscles.#i miss being semi healthy. like i was never GREAT bc of poor diet and lack of exercise and shitty sleep but like#i was better than this at least. this sucks#probably won't die from it tho so. back to stressing abt November 😔
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#something changed. and im still here.#but let's pretend that i'm not#so here's some tea... tea my tea...#always makes me go happy happy happy.........#tea time#i love harvesting wild rosehip:( it's so fun i wanna do it again next summer#also makes me sad bc i did it with my auntie#but she got a really bad health scare back in november#thought we would lost her. but she's in recovery from her surgery right now#still makes me cry just thinking about it. i can't even talk to anyone about it#i will never forget the fear in my grandmas eyes#when my dad came up to her with tears in his eyes and silently hugged her#she thought her daughter was gone. and i was just standing there. tipsy#later grandma said to my dad#please. just don't drink too much#and i just. something in me broke.#fucking hate novembers
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wuh woh
#vince.txt ⚟#this is my tumblr so who give a shit but like#ill be honest? i do think im sort of running out of that usual steam i have to keep pushing#even after her death i felt like people just. pressured me wah too much to just pretend like nothing happened or anything#not even counting the subsequent treatment i received too 😀 after multiple requests for people to maybe not violate boundaries#like i dunno. maybe dont tell me to kill myself. or make jokes about car crashes and shit#or even make jokes about me not having a partner anymore 😟 i thought itd be easy but i suppose not#and then theres THIS current thing too which annoys me to all hell#it annoys me that some people can just do shit and get away with it and have their lives uninterrupted#whilst im stuck slowly bleeding out night after night not able to sleep anymore#or to look at certain people without completely breaking down#because the physical aspect does matter yeah. ill never be able to regain most of my sense of touch in that hand#im never gonna truly regain my dexterity either but#those aren't gonna be things that torture me for the rest of my life yk#day after day has been torment for me as of late#and i really don't think thats gonna change#not for a while at least. i know im strong and all but#i do think im at my wit's end. between people and my hand and the fact that ill never get closure on anything#november grows closer every single year after all too#I'll get over myself one of these days though
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actually having a great day so far bc i got to sleep in, my bff is coming over, we're going to my college open house tmrw, we're gonna watch a spooky video both of us have been wanting to watch, i'm gonna re dye my hair, i made a savings plan that hopefully work as long as my hours stay around the same ish I'M SO HAPPY ???
#lakes thoughts#november is off to an amazing start#i've never felt so ? idk secure ? in my plans ??#like i do and i don't bc obvs i can't tell the future but rn it feels good#if i said i honestly don't think i'd be in this mental space without my spouses then what#also my bff i love her so much i'm so grateful for her#AND SHE'S COMING OVER LIKE 3 HOURS EARLIER THAN I THOUGHT FUCK YEAH#oh shit i just realized i think she's staying until Monday not Sunday! that's even better I'm gonna cry
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it would be so cool if i didn't commit myself to working 12 hour days
#2-3 hours of that is homework but i am so fucking tired of coming back after 9 hours of rehearsal where i am one of/the top authorities in#- both rooms and therefore have to always be on#like both shows r so worth it but i think i might die in november.#it's gonna be fine it's gonna be fine#i don't even understand what my assignments in greek r i'm so out of it. there's a homework for a day i missed that i just never did and no#- i don't know when i'll physically have the time#:thumbsup:#i'm considering taking my one day of rehearsal i get off a week to attend rehearsal for my other show#it's FINE#ted talks
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Finally... after two months... I've finished editing this goddamned chapter.
I swear I actually edit VERY fast, chapter 8 just sucks and I had to find a way to take two sentences and turn them into a full, climactic chapter before letting my characters finally leave this city and get on with the main plot.
...I can definitely still finish editing by the last day of November, only 130 pages left.
#writing#editing#fiction#fiction writing#I can't think of anything clever for November#but if I'm not done by December 1st I'm officially calling it “Don't Dawdle December”#Anyway I'll post updates#for this book that I never actually explained or have mentioned before lmao#The main character is like if a Smart Guy and Lancer had a little shit of a cursed lovechild
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I know beating yourself up is pointless but when you make a decision even though you know exactly what the consequences are going to be, because it's habit at this point, then not beating yourself up is really hard cause the circumstances themselves are beating you up
#looked at the word habit for too long and now it makes no sense#I need to reread Rosso Malpelo I've been having a thing for ghosts for the past few days#I'm good at knowing when the blame can be squarely placed on my shoulders and when I made a bad decision but#I couldn't have known at the time. or at least no fully or I wasn't thinking straight or something#like the one I made earlier this year or the one I made in November#but this time#it's really tiring and boring#I've kinda learned to deal with procrastination. sort of. an now I guess I'll have to work on this#but jesus I've always been like this. since I was kid. how did I not just stop earlier. how can I have to work on this when it's just#such a stupid habit that I should have beoken out of it years ago. it never brought me anything but misery and regrets#personal#I'll stop using this site as a diary istg it's just that if I don't put this stuff out where someone can see it just keeps rattling around#in my brain#or maybe I should start writing a diary again but only to get rid of dhitty thoughts#but the post + tags format is really perfect for this kind of thing
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