#but oddly? a lot of my longest fics end up using the 'working' title and i don't use a quote as the final title

[mejomonster]

for the fic ask!! - #7 how do you pick your titles?

<3 <3 <3 !!! usually I pick a line I particularly liked in what I wrote. I usually have a 'working' title when a story isn't done yet though, and its usually the vibe/focus I want the story to have lol. (I have a Star Trek fic that's finished title is "What will they find when I am ripped apart" because that's the Star Trek Spock Poem line I thought about constantly when writing, but the working title in my drafts is always 'trying to get ever closer' because its a line I wrote in one chapter that felt like it really summed up the point of the story lol - so in that fic's case, I did the opposite of what I usually do with working versus final titles).

I wish I was better at titles tbh! ToT

[therosefrontier]

Author Self-Interview

tagged by: @pencilofawesomeness

Name: BlossomingRosebud

Fandoms: Where do I even start...I have written and published stuff before for Genshin Impact, My Hero Academia, Tower of God, Attack on Titan, Voltron: Legendary Defender, the Sonic the Hedgehog series (mostly in the era of yesteryear)...and yes, I’m listing off my AO3 list right now; I’ve also used the world of RWBY, the Warriors series (the books with the cats), and this one Vocaloid song (I really like doing crossovers like that). So yeah, those are some of the things I consider myself in the fandom for, either now or in the past. I’ve also written but not published things for Seven Deadly Sins, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and Fairy Tail, among others. Oh yes, and Umbrella Academy is here too. Other fandoms would include the Heroic Legend of Arslan, The Promised Neverland, SpyxFamily, etc. Just some of the top things, there’s definitely more where that came from. 

Where do you post: AO3. I have been in other places before that, like fanfiction.net and Wattpad....but that is an era come and gone and AO3′s a clear winner for me. Plus whatever I posted back then is probably pretty bad XD

Most popular multi-chapter fic: Angeli Quaeritus, if I’m ranking this by the AO3 kudos.

Most popular oneshot: We Promised We Would Be Together...which funny enough, has exactly the same amount of kudos as Angeli Quaeritus at the time of me writing this. I found it amusing that ol’ Angeli is also my longest continuous fic and this one’s about to surpass it at 4.8% of its size XD

Favorite story you’ve written so far: You...you ask me to pick my favorite child? Hard to say, but honestly, I might have to go with Vision Like a Faded Memory, which also happens to be my one true multi-chapter completed work (59k words). It was just...one of those things I got super into writing in the process of doing so, you know? Plus, completion makes the heart grow fonder lol. Besides that, A Day in the Life of Why Did I Take This Job was also a lot of fun to write and probably takes the place as my favorite short-story/two-shot, and Everything Good and Bright might have to be my favorite one-shot. That one just made me happy.

Fic you were nervous to post: Heh, if anything, probably also Vision like a Faded Memory, just because it was a mystery plot with sci-fi elements that weren’t immediately apparent. Doing a mystery, you have to make an ending that lives up to whatever expectations you build in the reader, and I guess I was afraid it would just...flop? Seem weird or just not that good? But, I’m still happy with it, I think. Didn’t receive many comments on the ending, but the ones I did get seemed to be happy with it, so...there’s that? Maybe some people thought it weird, but hey, as long as I can make a few people happy with my writing, I’m happy. 

How do you choose your titles: Huh...that depends. Some titles, like the ones for one-shots, are of the more wack and oddly-descriptive-of-some-particular-thing-as-well-as-oddly-long variety, like A Day in the Life or How Not to Expel the Restless Spirit Plaguing Your School as a Result of Your Biology Teacher, which I just find fun. For other fics, I guess my goal is to have it be something meaningful if I could come up with anything like that, something relevant to the theme and/or some motif from the fic. Like how Everything Good and Bright is a Snow Queen parody focusing on the “looking at the good things in life” aspect of the story, or how Not By Blood was meant to be found-family-oriented. My favorite approach would be the double meaning, though...like how Angeli Quaeritus (Latin for “Looking for Angels”, for reasons) is this human experimentation story about people in a way making their own “angels,” but it also features all these sad teenagers kind of lost in the world and thus in need of an “angel”, so to speak. Plus it’s a song reference. I make quotes to the song.

Do you outline: Oh yeah. At least, for the big stuff, anyways. A lot of my shorter stories have no outline, and also, I’m not much of a detailed play-by-play kind of outliner. I just like to get an idea of what’s going on, what I want to happen, what the character’s stories and histories are, what’s the big picture. The more convoluted the plot, the bigger the “outline” (or is it more of a planning document?). Plot points and chapters are a thing, but I also got factions and timelines and random but important details to keep up with. There’s also research to keep up with, too. So yeah, my first story to really outline like that was Angeli Quaeritus, but I’m happy to say that more over-complicated plot bunnies have bounced around in my brain since then...

Complete: Not that many, if I’m just looking at AO3. Again, Vision Like a Faded Memory is the main one. I have several one-shots out there too, but if I were just to count the fics that are over 10k words, the others would be... How Not to Expel the Restless Spirit Plaguing Your School as a Result of Your Biology Teacher,  A Day in the Life of Why Did I Take This Job, and Tower to Celestia.

Do you accept prompts: Yeah, sure thing! I haven’t ever done that before or anything, but I’d be open. I might not accept every prompt necessarily, but I’d consider them.

Upcoming story you’re most excited to write about: That’ll definitely have to be the next installments to my Haven’t Seen the Best of Me series, where A Day in the Life and How to Expel the Restless Spirit come from. I have so many notes on that one XD I’d so love to see it really come to fruition

Stories you’re most excited to read: Ooh, yes, well, just looking at my AO3 subscriptions I’m most excited about, that’d have to be Fairy Dance of Death by Catsy, the Poisoned Dreams Continuity by StrangeDiamond, Homuncular Nature by otaku553, Coagulated Chalk by SleepDeprivedFemale, Our Hearts Are Made of Stars by Ruinous, Your Crush is My Love Rival by cathelerein and InkuEko and...The Harbinger’s Apprentice by Cosmoddino (accidentally fell behind but I’m reading it right now). There’s other good works on the list too, but these are probably my nearest and dearest at the moment

tagging @resident-normal-person! If ya wanna...

[centralsaints]

writing tag game

tagged by @idolcandy​ to do this, honestly what a timing since i got back from a one year writing slumber recently 

AO3 name: centralsaints

Fandoms: according to my ao3 profile, i wrote for death note (1 published fic), hetalia (3 published fics) and my candy love (8 published fics). but all the fandoms i have written for that i have not posted there? oh boy. so there’s the arcana, voltron (wrote half of a fic back in 2017 and then never touched it again), wrote some kind of thing (?) while i read PJO for the first time, i have one black butler series that is uh. buried somewhere on ff.net (about the reaper’s death if i remember correctly. also was probably on crack in the summer of 2017 and wrote the plan of a modern au fic in whihc alois owned a tarantula). if we go back to high school i have written for naruto and also the rotbtd fandom. oh god i wrote A LOT for that crossover. still have some kind of fic planned (that i named the stay dead au) that i kinda want to write. i think that covers all of it? OH I FORGOT THE MOST ABSURD ONE: i have started writing a fic for Dramatical Murder recently. i got into that game in 2014, played it for the first time in 2017, then forgot it existed until a month ago

Tropes: FOUND FAMILY, friends to lovers, slice of life, unrequited love, bittersweet ending, character studies, working through mental health (?), i can’t think of other tropes i use? 

Number of fics: officially i have 6 finished one shots, one on going drabble collection, one abandonned fic (rip seen 2:18 am u will be missed), one semi-abandonned fic, and one finished fic on ao3. on the amour sucré forum i have an abandonned fic (rip again to seen), an on going fic called “12 things alexy hates” REALLY want to continue this one, one finished fic and a one shot collection. i dont know how many wips i have sitting in my google doc. 

Fic I spent the most time on: SEEN: 2:18 AM. i unfortunately have abandonned it by now, but on god i spent maybe from july 2017 to early 2018 entirely focused on planning that fic, and it still is the longest time i’ve spent having my attention on one project.

Fic I spent the least time on: this death note short (the only one on my ao3 lmao). i wrote it in under an hour at like 1 am because i couldn’t get the scene out of my head, the night before a deadline for one of my art history essay i was trying to finish 

Longest fic: for my published fic it’s the meme that is this group chat fic. but outside of that, it’s probably SEEN. the draft for it is 11 000 words and the doc is 33 pages long. maybe i’ll sort through it one day but my writing has changed a lot so its likely those 33 pages wont be published, rip again to this fic

Shortest fic:  fever dream, an armin/nathaniel fic i wrote while i was sick

Most hits/kudos/comment threads/bookmarks: it’s apparently the group chat fic  smh.

Total word count: 19 834 on AO3. absolutely no idea for all the wips sitting in my drive.

Favorite fic I wrote:  definitely the drabble series about the twins “the things that follows”. i wrote most of these while i was in therapy, and untangling some stuff about myself, in spring 2018. i was in a pretty good place i think at that time, and that’s why i still love this series a lot.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: i’m contemplating continuing the group chat fic, and maybe one day if i find the energy to comb through and rewrite SEEN, i’d really like for that to happen. there’s also a short drabble about armin getting stuck in a time loop i posted on my tumblr that i want to expand onto a full fic (which the working title rn is “purgatorio”)

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: my current and most recent wips include; the dmmd fic series, a series of mcl OS inspired by the magnus archive universe and the slow building of a UL rewrite with my OC charlie the national fuck up. so here’s some of those;

Sei does not know for how long he has been cut off from his own mind and stuck in his body, unable to go away like he used to do so when the world was too harsh and too real for him, but also unable to completely shut off his mind, like he had wanted. An unknown amount of time passes; he feels himself trying to reach for the outside, for the bits of himself outside of his mind and it seems like there is nothing outside.

from the dmmd sei centric fic, because he deserves to l i v e. working title for this series is the long way home

I will say one thing before I begin this, and it’s the same thing I told the police and the lawyers: it was justified. It was necessary. It might have been a murder, but it sure was not a crime. You have to understand that have taken to hunting monsters for a living. And that man was in fact, a monster. 

from nathaniel’s statement, in the mcl x tma series.

They weren’t a couple, that was something very clear between them, and one of the first thing Charlie had said after the first time they’d slept together. Still, it felt oddly domestic for Nathaniel to see Charlie come out of his bathroom, bare faced with her hair still wet with only a t-shirt that was clearly too old and too big for her. 

from a scene in my UL rewrite/fic/AU.

thank you for the tag!! i tag @marycecilyy and anyone who wants to do this tbh, i don’t uh. really know a lot of writers.

[rosesfromcth]

Spill Your Guts. SM

Summary/AN: So I spent tonight watching clips from the late late show with James Corden and the up next videos ended up always showing me the segment ‘Spill your guts or fill your guts’ and that got me thinking about how Shawn Mendes would do on the show and how I would do if I would ever end up on the show if I were famous and it gave me an idea for a fic so here we are.

Pairing: Shawn Mendes and Famous!Reader

Word count:3.4K

#queen of the run on sentence.

This was not your first time being on The Late Late Show. It was probably one of your favorite late show to go on, you always had so much fun with James. You typically would go on with people that you were promoting other projects with to normally just talk. You’d never really done any of the game segments.

However, tonight you were playing a game with a bunch of other celebrities you had not yet met. IT was the worst possible game for you to play as well. It was Spill your Guts or Fill your Guts. For starters, you have always had a very sensitive stomach and you had a very big problem with most textures when it came to food.  But you also had never met these people and you didn’t want to make them have ti eat these foods because you hated hurting foods and you also hated having to ask them compromising questions. You could only hope that James would be your teammate for the night because you felt somewhat comfortable around him.

It was 5 minutes till your segment and you’d just been introduced to one of the other guests, Sabrina Carpenter. You have been a fan of her music for the longest time, so it was pretty exciting to meet her. The two of you were chatting when one of the crew members walks up and says that the last guest is running just a few minutes late but should be there any second.

It was just as you were about to go on when the third and final guest finally arrived. You were surprised to see it was Shawn Mendes. This was kind of surprising for a few reasons, He was your ‘celebrity crush’ and the last time you had been on the show James had asked you about who your celebrity crush was and of course you had told him and now of course he was here. You actually are so embarrassed by this that you pretend that you have a preshow routine to do quickly before you go on stage when Sabrina says she is going to go say hello. You are then told you it’s time to go on stage.

“Ladies and Gentleman, it is time for our next segment, I’d like a warm welcome for our incoming guest. Shawn Mendes, Sabrina Carpenter and Y/Full/Name!” James announces and you all rush on.

James stands to greet each of you and gives you a hug before you sit down at the rotating table of disgusting foods.

“I am so excited to have each of you here tonight, now have you all had a chance to get acquainted?” He asks as you each settle in.

“Y/N and I actually just met tonight for the first time and we had a few minutes beforehand to chat. I am quite a fan so I was a little star struck when I was told she would be here tonight,” Sabrina giggles. “But Shawn and I have known each other for a while and I always love to see him when we get the chance.”

“Sabrina and I have, um well, we’ve actually even discussed collaborating before on a song but have never had the chance.” Shawn smiles. “But I’ve never met Y/N before. I was running late tonight so I actually didn’t even get to introduce myself before we came out here. Hi Y/N, nice to meet you. I am Shawn Mendes.”

The crowd erupts in laughter and you laugh alongside them before smiling at him and offering your hand in a handshake.

“Well, isn’t that nice? Shawn, did you know that the last time Y/N was on this show she actually told  me-“ You cut James off before he has a chance to out you.

“That I am a huge fan of yours. Yeah I love your music. Anyways. James, can you tell me more about the gross foods we have to choose from?” The crowd seems to get a kick out of this because it seems they all know your little secret but Shawn doesn’t show any hint on his face of knowing what you’re hiding.

James just smirks at you before listing each of the foods.

“So I figured the teams would be Sabrina and Shawn because both of their names start with an S and Then I figured Y/N and I would be together on a team. The rules of the game are that you don’t have to answer whatever question you are asked but if you don’t you and your teammate have to eat whatever food the opposing team had chosen for you.” James explains and you all nod in understanding.

“I think this will be a very fun game tonight. actually, because I know how uncomfortable Y/N gets and how awkward she is but also that she is the nicest, most polite person I know tied alongside Shawn.” James laughs and so does the audience yet again.

You are the first to ask a question and you are told to ask Sabrina the first question in your deck. You let James pick the food that she will have to eat if she doesn’t answer. He chooses Turkey Testes.

“Oh no,” You say as you pick up the card. “I feel so bad even asking this question. Like I don’t want to put you in a hard spot.”

From besides you, James chuckles and awhs at your reaction to the question in your hands.

“Okay, ahh. Sabrina, you were on the popular Disney Channel reboot of Boy Meets World titled Girl Meets World-I have to admit I was a huge fan of that show- Who was your least favorite person in that cast to work with?” You sputter out. You can feel your cheeks grow red.

“Y/N, this isn’t even something you have to answer or risk eating a gross food for and you’re this flustered, my god!” James cries.

“Erh, Shawn, I don’t know that I can answer that. I loved everyone one that set, ahhh.”

“It’s not that you don’t like them, it’s that they were your least favorite.” James reminds her.

“Sabrina, I can eat Turkey Balls for you. You don’t have to answer that if you’ll get in trouble.” Shawn tells her.

“Um, my least favorite person on that set, oh gosh. I-I can’t.” She says as she grabs one of the Items and throws it into her mouth, gagging slightly as she does so. Shawn follows her lead and throws it straight back. They both hew for a moment and start laughing as they do so until they swallow.

Sabrina then moves on to asking James a question, which was very similar to many questions he gets, was about who the worst singer he did Carpool Karaoke with was.

“James, don’t answer, please. Don’t. I can, ugh, I can drink this Sardine Smoothie.” You protest. “Or say, I was the worst if I was, I can handle it.”

He looks at you for a second. “I’m so sorry, I can’t say that because it wouldn’t be true. But I can’t tell you who the worst was either. Sorry, Y/N, bottoms up.”  

Both of you grab a glass and take a chug of the thick liquid. You plug your nose as you do so to try and hide of some of the taste. It it’s chunky and thick and just disgusting. You try and down it but end up gagging and having to spit it out.

“Well, I definitely do not feel super attractive after that.” You announce as you take a big gulp of water and use your napkin to wipe your face and to that everyone laughs.

James asks Shawn a question which he actually doesn’t end up answering. James then tells Shawn to grab a card to ask you a question and tells them to select a food for you to eat but tell them to go easy on you with the food because of how flustered you are already which of course makes you blush harder.

“Y/N, since we are looking to stir up some drama onstage tonight, can you list five Shawn Mendes songs, five of my songs?” He smiles at you and for a second you have to ask him to repeat because just looking at his smile breaks you for a seconds “Or you can drink some pickle juice.”

“Wow they really went easy on me tonight. When I said I was a fan earlier, I wasn’t lying to either of you about being a fan. But okay, five songs. Um, there’s Life of the Party. Which oddly enough was really the first song that got me into your music. Back when you were touring with Austin Mahone, my friend who was a huge Mahonie, I believe is the fandom name, had a group of us go the concert near our hometown for her birthday. And we both fangirled so hard over you at that concert. Okay so life of the party was like your big song at the time and oof, we loved it. Okay, one down, four to go. When you’re ready, Lights on, Roses and then, um, Falling all in you is another of my favorites.” You could feel yourself rambling so as soon as you said the last one you cut yourself off.

You picked up the glass of pickle juice and thought about how as a kid you used to drink it straight up.

“The funny thing is, I used to love pickle juice, I could drink it by the jar. And I’ve heard it’s a pretty good hangover remedy. As a kid, I would beg my parents to let me drink it and they would usually indulge me a bit but never let me drink a lot because they said I would get a tummy ache.” You brought the glass to your mouth and took a sip, sighing at how good it tasted to you. It was probably the weirdest food you enjoyed.  You quickly finished the drink as everyone laughed at you. James was a bit in awe because he didn’t expect it considering how you had a weak stomach and were gagging at most of the foods as they passed you on the table. Shawn and Sabrina both picked up glasses as well and raised their glasses to you before taking a sip. Sabrina also finished her glass off, but Shawn’s face quickly puckered and he set the glass back down.

“Wow, I’ve never seen all of the guests try a food when none of them had to. She answered the question. You two aren’t even on her team!” James exclaimed as the audience quieted down.

It is then your turn to ask Sabrina another question and this time she is able to answer. She continues the game by asking James about which celebrity has been the worst behaved on his show and he jokingly answers that it was Harry Styles but then refuses to answer seriously so you end up drinking bird saliva, which again, you are unable to swallow.

“Shawn Mendes, my question for you has to do with both of the young and talented women we have here with us tonight.” James turns and smirks at you and you can feel the heat rise to your cheeks. What is he doing? “My question, and you cannot go wrong with your answer because both of these women are beautiful and funny and kind, is who would you most likely date out of your co-guests tonight?”

If James hadn’t embarrassed you enough at this point, he winks at you and nudges your shoulder. Shawn has to have some clue at this point.

He’s going to choose Sabrina. She is a strong and successful woman, not to mention she is just so cute and funny. Hell, if you were him you’d choose her. Besides, they are already friends and he knows her unlike you.

Sabrina is grinning at Shawn, even she knows he’ll choose her. This is embarrassing. “C’mon Shawn, tell her.” Then she grins directly at James and winks. That’s when you notice that Shawn’s cheeks are possibly just as red as yours must be.

“Well, I would have to admit that Y/N is probably who I would choose since she’s been my celebrity crush for quite some time.” He awkwardly chuckles and then sneaks a glance at you and you awkwardly look away.

It makes sense, you’d been set up completely and you can feel a grin grow on your face.

“Wow, isn’t that interesting, Y/N, last time you were here you were actually telling all of us about how Shawn Mendes, who is sitting right there and just confessed that he would like to take you on a date, is your biggest celebrity crush.” James feigns shock and you see Shawn’s mouth curl up into a smile that matches your own as James spills the beans.

Shawn then asks you your last question of the night, both of you sending each other shy glances and smiling softly as James closes the show.

Sabrina and you walk off the stage together one the cameras stop filming. You exchange phone numbers and make plans to meet up for coffee sometime soon. James and Shawn stay at their spots for a moment while you converse with Sabrina. One of the crew members walked over and offers you each a disposable tooth brush and a mini tube of toothpaste. Sabrina leads you to her dressing room where you continue to chat and brush your teeth of the gross aftertaste that is lingering in your mouth from the game.

When you walk back out to the set, she says goodbye to you and walks with you to Shawn and James. Sabrina gives Shawn a quick hug and then pulls James to the side to talk to him, James winks at you before walking away.

“We were really set up, weren’t we?” You giggle, breaking the ice.

“Yeah, I’d mentioned it to Sabrina a while ago that I thought you were cute and she must’ve told James at some point and then the orchestrated this.” He laughs with you.

“I had no idea you would be here tonight, to be honest, it really threw me off. But I was happy I got to meet you, if nothing else.”

“Yeah, yeah me too.” He agrees and you both say goodbye.

It’s as you are gathering your items out of your dressing room that you notice the presence of the tall singer.

“Hey Shawn, what’s up?” You turn to look at the singer.

 “So, about tonight, I actually would love to get to know you a little bit better and maybe take you on a date?” Shawn asks.

It takes you a second to realize what he is asking and that this is reality, not a dream. When you finally realize that you had yet to respond, you give him your full attention and stop packing your bag up.

“I would love that.”

After that night, the two of you went on three dates before he asked you to become his girlfriend. You kept your relationship fairly quiet for a while, telling everyone you were really good friends. You ended up announcing it officially six months later when you went back to The Late Late Show. James took all credit and pretended to be shocked just like when he first heard about Shawn’s crush on the show that first night. The both of you had actually told James fairly quickly after you got together. James continued to talk about how he would be taking credit for getting you together and decided he had to call Sabrina Carpenter on air to tell her the news. This led to him explaining to the audience his plan that he and Sabrina had created to get the two of you together. She had seen the episode when it first aired of you telling James about your crush and had decided she had to get you two together if it was possible. To this day whenever, you or Shawn are on the show he brings up his matchmaker status. “100 percent matching success.” He will brag.

Now, two years later, you are seated back at the table with disgusting food surrounded by Harry Styles and Steve Carrell. The two Europeans, Harry and James are on a team and you are paired with Steve. James has yet to brag about being the reason behind your relationship. Which is odd, because anytime you see him, that’s typically the first thing he will say.

The questions had been fairly easy so far and the only weird food you’d had to consume was pickle juice yet again.

“Y/N. The last question of the night goes to you,” James looks at you. “The first time we played this game, I was able to set you up with your boyfriend of two years, Shawn Mendes. By the way, if anyone needs a significant other, come to me. 100 percent of the couples I have set up are still together.” He tells the audience. They laugh as you correct him telling them you are the only couple he has set up.

He is quick to shush you. “My question for you actually doesn’t come from my crew. My question is very special. Your boyfriend, Shawn Mendes, wants to know if you will do him the honors of marrying him.”

You gasp as he says this thinking it’s a joke but then the crowd erupts into cheers and both Steve and Harry are clapping and staring behind you.  You turn around and are greeted by the smiling face of your boyfriend.

“Hi.” You whisper to him, “is this real?”                                      

“Y/N, We met exactly two years ago on this stage. I figured this might be the perfect way to do this. I’ve known I wanted to do this since our first date. And with the help of our friends, James and Sabrina, I am able to do this in what I hope is the right way.” Shawn explains.

“I love you with my whole heart, you are the kindest and most beautiful person I know. I want to make you laugh every day for the rest of our lives and kiss you whenever I want. I love how generous and selfless you are, especially with both your fans and mine. I will never understand how I got so lucky to have you in my life and I will spend every day trying to do what I can to deserve you and your love. You make me a better person and a better artist. I hope I get to wake up next to you every day and fall asleep with you in my arms every night for the rest of our lives. So my question for you, is will you marry me? Remember, if you say no there is a cow tongue on that table for you to eat?” He is now kneeling on the ground in front of you. He has the ring box in one hand and your hand is in his other hand.

“Yes.” You whisper.

“Yes?’ He asks, smiling at you in disbelief.

“Yes!” You exclaim and he slips the ring on your left ring finger. You collapse onto the ground so you are at the same height as him and wrap both arms around his neck, pulling him into you. He pulls away after being content with how long he’s been able to hug you and kisses you. Then he jumps up and fist bumps the air.

“She said yes!” He yells and jumps around. He is such a dork, but you know exactly how he’s feeling because you feel the same. You laugh as you stand up next to him and wrap your arms around his waist again and he presses a kiss to your forehead pulling you as close to his chest as possible.

James then comes over and congrats you before announcing a special guest. Sabrina Carpenter walks onto stage and announces she’ll be singing a new song that she just recently finished writing with Shawn title “Marry Her One Day.”

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @sarahwroteathing for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely Sarah, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

18

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

Umm well I write my pairings with reader inserts because I know it tends to make people the happiest. Plus I just think it's a cute practice - giving people a chance to live an adventure or a romance with their favorite characters. It's sweet. But I do enjoy writing my OCs as side characters because I can be specific about who they are and what they look like. It's also just useful as a sounding board for how people respond to my characters which helps me with my original fiction pieces.

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

Mmm I don't know that I have one! I really like to experiment and play with genre and tropes. I think it's fun!

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Honestly I'd probably be fine doing that with most of them. "Shift" is definitely one because I don't feel confident that we had enough material for Pietro to allow me to write him well which bothers me. But it was a request. Umm "Burden of Proof" maybe just because I don't think it's very good at all - it was just a quick silly thing - and I'm bitter about it somehow having the highest number of notes of any of my stories. It frustrates me greatly.

5) When is your preferred time to write?

Laaaaate at night. That's when my best stuff comes to me. The notes section of my phone is full of parts and pieces of stories from when I wake up in the middle of the night and have a huge wave of inspiration.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Honestly my writer brain is always working. A lot of the time it's weird connections to my life that trigger something. A "what if this had happened instead" or a "I wonder what would happen if". It literally never stops. I have a notebook of more story ideas than I could ever hope to write.

7) In your Just One Kiss fic, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

It's a scene you guys haven't read yet.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

No, I have not. I haven't ever gotten any useful criticism before. Just rude people.

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

Probably Steve! He's the easiest for me to write for some reason. I also tend to get nicer feedback on Steve stories.

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

Uuuumm... Pietro. Like I mentioned before, I just don't have enough information to comfortably write him.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Just One Kiss?

Because that's all Bucky's been asking for since he was ten years old: "Come on, doll! Just one kiss?"

12) How did you come up with the idea for Just One Kiss?

Oddly enough, hearing "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer for the first time in a while. I've always thought that song was adorable. Cute and happy and sweet like a pre-war Bucky.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

No, I don't think so! There are a bunch I haven't worked on in a while, but I'm very stubborn. I'm not letting them go.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I've played with the idea of a The Lonely Tree sequel series. I'm still not sure though. I don't want it to be one of those things where the sequel spoils the original because it sucks, ya know?

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

No, I don't think so! I'm pretty intense about finding my endings.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Oh, gosh. This question scares me. I know I'd forget so many people if I tried to be specific. Really, I admire any one who writes on this platform. It's scary. It can get weirdly intense and rude really fast. Writing is hard, and sharing your writing is even harder. Really and truly, I admire everyone who has ever tried.

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Every. Single. One.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Depends! It does have to be one or the other, though. I'm not one of those people who can sit in a coffee shop and write. I either need silence, or I need music. I actually make playlists for each longer piece that I take on to help me keep inspiration flowing. I've thought about posting them on the masterlist before.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

I've gotten very, very, VERY sad, but I don't think I've ever made myself cry. Probably because I know I'm a big ole softy who is going to write a happy ending. It helps when you know everything is going to be okay.

20) Which part of your Just One Kiss fic was the hardest to write?

Chapter 7, the Christmas chapter, for sure. That was when I was getting really rude and hateful messages from people. It was also a mental health low point, and of course there was the full chapter deletion that forced me to rewrite from scratch. That was not a fun time, let me tell ya.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

It kind of depends. Mostly I just go with the flow. However, if I'm having trouble grappling with a larger or more complex story, I do try to break it down by what I want to be the theme for each chapter, or a wish list of ideas/moments I want to cover. It still isn't really an outline. More of an idea board, really.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

At some point, the number of notes on stories remains stable and comparatively low no matter how much higher your follower count grows.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Soundtrack. It's the one that I've spent the longest amount of time working with and the one that I feel has the most genuine emotion and depth. But also the lowest number of notes by far.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Burden of Proof. I wrote it as a silly little answer to a vague request. It really doesn't have a plot. That character work isn't that great. I didn't spend much time on it at all. And yet, it has the highest number of notes by far.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Umm not really? Role wise and situation wise, sometimes. The Lonely Tree came about when I passed by my favorite tree and my soon to be friend Maggie asked if she could put me in her art assignment. Scarf Thief came about when I crossed paths with a guy in a Captain America costume the weekend of Halloween who looked like he was about to freeze to death because he forgot to grab a coat and I lent him my scarf.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Really any person who actually goes into detail in their comments is paying me a very treasured compliment. When people do some interpreting? I love it. When people share how they are affected by my writing? I am floored. In recent memory, @hispeculiartreasure private comments to me touched me the deepest.

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I think things have to be useful in order to be considered criticism. I've instead had rudeness (demanding updates and treating me like a servant) and confusing leaps to unsupported conclusions (I hate Bucky Barnes because I dare to write a slow burn, apparently).

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Oh, I love to share them! You guys don't know how much you would learn if you actually asked! Mostly I share them with @aubzylynn and @indominusregina

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

No, and I plan to keep it that way.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

Umm minor in terms of not the focal point of the story, I always love writing Tony. His voice comes through really easily to me, and I definitely plan on giving him his own stories in the future. In terms of actually a minor character, Louise from Just One Kiss! I love my sweet, silly Louise. (Betty is a main character dammit)

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

F e e d b a c k. Always feedback. The more detailed, the better.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

I don't know yet! I haven't had a chance to play with very many! I'm missing a lot of the classic romcom ones and it's a damn tragedy. (Hmm I sure hope no one would be an angel and request some specifics so I have an excuse. That would be terrible.)

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I have no earthly idea

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Fluff! Easy! I don't have it in me to carry angst all the way to the end. It always has to have a fluffy ending. I do enjoy the depths I can reach and the complex dynamics I can explore with angst, but in the end I always have to soothe it over with fluff. And I don't write smut, so that's out too. I just like making people happy! I love being able to make people smile and feel good and walk away in a better mood than when they first sat down to read. That's always the goal.

[ernmark]

Heartless (part 1)

This is one of those fics that popped into my head and wouldn’t leave me alone, so I finally gave in and wrote it all down.

It’s long enough that it’s getting split into two parts, so look forward to that tomorrow.

Rilla can see Damien’s approach through the bars of her thistle cage, and she knows something is wrong the moment she lays eyes on him. He rides through the swamp like a hurricane given human form, imposing even without the bow in his hand or the giant of a knight riding at his side. Like a storm, the whole of the swamp seems to go still at his approach. Like a storm, she can taste the change in the air before it hits.

She swallows.

“Frightened, little human?” asks the lizard who has no idea what’s coming for him.

She looks him in his violet eyes. “My fiancee is a Knight of the Queen. The greatest of her Knights.” Or tied for the title, but really, Sir Angelo is right there. 

The lizard doesn’t stand a chance.

And maybe he recognizes that, because his bony brows knit and his frill tightens around his throat, and his presence seems to shrink into itself as he turns to look again at the approaching knights.

“Your fiancee,” he repeats quietly, as if that’s the most important word she said. “Of course.”

Just like that, all the swagger and self-aggrandizement is gone, and he looks almost… sad. Like he knows what’s going to happen to him just as well as Rilla does.

She feels almost sorry for him. “If you want to get out alive, this is your last chance to run.”

“No,” he says, not turning away from the oncoming storm. “There is only one way this ends.”

In the next moment, he’s gone.

The moment he’s out of sight, Rilla descends on the bars of her cage, bending back each of the wicked spines one at a time, then yanking at the thick woody stems until they start to budge. This enclosure is meant for something bigger than her– one of those giant rats, maybe– and she doesn’t have to move the bars far before she’s made enough room to slip through.

She can hear the sounds of confrontation outside– first declarations and then shouting, the twang of bowstrings, the cries as blood is spilled into the swamp.

She grabs one of the lizard’s knives off the wall and takes off running. If anything happens to Damien, she swears she’s going to skin that lizard herself–

But she doesn’t have to.

By the time she sets foot outside, the lizard is on the ground, already up to his waist in swamp water. He looks up at Damien, almost pleading, as the Knight of the Citadel draws back the bowstring.

His only act of mercy is in how fast the arrow pierces the beast’s heart.

”Sir Angelo, are you sure you don’t need me to take a look at you?”

“Nonsense,” he declares, all bluster as usual. “I’m made of stronger stuff than a few little swamp nettles. Ha!” Almost as an afterthought, he adds, “Besides, I was merely the second in the duel. The fight and the victory were all Sir Damien’s!” He claps Damien on the back with one enormous hand. “And I still owe you a drink for that. Don’t think I’ve forgotten. But first I must make a report to the Queen for us both.”

“Yes, thank you,” Damien says.

“Take good care of him, Rilla,” Sir Angelo says, and he rides off, his horse’s hooves leaving divots the size of dinner plates in their wake.

“As for you,” Rilla says, rounding on Damien. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.” She shepherds him into her hut and onto a bench, and he sits while she gathers supplies. A good deal of the furniture is broken and several of her jars of medicines are smashed, but she manages to find enough to work with. “How are you feeling? Dizzy at all? Lightheaded?”

“No,” he says.

“How about drowsy? Cold?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?” She sets down the supplies and lays her hand against his forehead. There’s grit from swampwater and dried sweat, but he doesn’t feel clammy or chilled. His skin doesn’t look particularly pale or ashen, his breathing is normal, and if his pupils are a bit enlarged, it’s no more than is normal for the dim light of her hut. “As much as that monster cut you up, I’d half expect you to be in shock. You’ve lost a lot of…blood.”

She frowns.

He hasn’t, though. She didn’t notice it before, but now that she’s up close and really looking for it, the cuts look oddly… clean. Sure, there’s a bit of bleeding, but not nearly as much as there should be.

“I’m alright,” he says.

“Are you, though?” She collects a few blood samples and sets them aside. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“I’m tired from the fight,” he says, which is maybe the longest sentence he’s said since he killed the monster.

And that’s just it: usually after Damien’s killed a monster, he spends the next few hours immortalizing it in poetry and telling anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. He gets excited. He gets giddy. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him go quiet like this.

So what makes this monster any different from all the others?

Only one thought really comes to her mind. She mulls it over in silence while she cleans and binds his wounds.

“Damien,” she says quietly, “if you’re worried about me, don’t be. You saved me in a nick of time, just like I knew you would.”

His expression doesn’t change. So maybe that’s not what’s going on in his head.

She tries again. “That monster… it recognized you, when you came to rescue me.”

He looks up, but his expression is unreadable.

“Was that the monster you were going to duel? The one who stole your tranquility?”

His tone is carefully neutral. “Yes.” He doesn’t elaborate.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shrugs as best he can while she’s wrapping the gash on his shoulder. “The beast is dead. What more is there to say?”

It’s such an awful non-answer that she wants to shout, but she keeps her voice soft. The last thing he needs right now is for her to lose her patience. So as soon as she finishes wrapping his shoulder, she tries another approach.

“Listen, Damien. When the monster took me, it was because of something I found in the woods while I was out with Marc. It had nothing to do with your duel.” She takes his hand in hers. “What happened isn’t your fault.”

“No,” he agrees. “The only one to blame was the lizard. And now he’s gone.” 

And maybe Rilla would say something to that, but her attention is drawn to Damien’s hands.

Strange. Normally she has no problem feeling his pulse racing under his skin, but now his heartbeat is calm. Weirdly calm. The only beat she can feel is the drum of hooves approaching outside.

“That will be Sir Angelo,” Damien says.

“Damien–”

He pulls his hand back. “Thank you for worrying about me, but I really am alright. All I need is a little rest.”

And maybe a night out with Sir Angelo is what he needs. Maybe Rilla’s too spooked right now to take his pulse properly. Maybe a night of rest will be good for both of them.

She lets him go. After all, she can check up on him again tomorrow.

Or she could check up on him again, if Damien would come by. But the next day comes and goes, and he doesn’t.

When she stops by the keep the day after that, she’s told that he’s away on another mission, because apparently the Queen never heard of giving her knights time to recover from their injuries. 

She can’t get a hold of him the day after that, either, or the day after that. It’s almost a week before she sees him again; by then his injuries from the lizard are nearly healed, and a fresh batch has taken their places.

But he’s still quiet.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” she asks.

“Of course,” he says.

“You needn’t worry,” he says.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he says. “It was just a monster. I’ve killed hundreds just like it.”

And he always answers her just like that: in short, dry sentences that wouldn’t be out of place coming from the tight-lipped baker down the street, but this is Damien.

She’s still concerned about his weak heartbeat. She tries to take his hand casually, to check his pulse without making a big deal about it, but she can’t.

Not because she still can’t find his pulse point, but because she can’t hold onto him long enough to try. He keeps pulling away– and not in a way that feels conscious, either. It just seems like as soon as he’s holding his hand, he thinks of something else he’d rather be doing with it. There’s always an itch to scratch, a shirt to adjust, a bit of lint to pick away. She might not even have noticed if she weren’t trying so hard, but now that she’s paying attention, it seems almost deliberate.

But it isn’t. She can see in his eyes, he doesn’t even notice that he’s doing it.

A week ago he held her hand like it was a treasure. Now he barely lets her touch him at all.

Something is wrong.

Except it isn’t– not in a way that she would accept if she was hearing all of this from a patient. Because there aren’t real symptoms, so much as a general feeling of unwellness.

By all means, Damien is fine. He’s still going about hunting monsters and patrolling the jungle. That hasn’t changed. If anything, he’s even better at it than before. And when she asks, Damien insists that he isn’t distressed or unhappy at all. By all means, he feels perfectly fine.

But he’s not fine.

These days, Rilla is lucky to see him twice a month. His visits are always short and awkward, like he doesn’t know what to talk about. When he works himself into a panic, he doesn’t let Rilla hold him or sing to him– he just storms away on his own. He doesn’t speak his heart– he hasn’t since that night they spent dancing under Saint Damien’s Bells. He hasn’t asked her again when they’ll be married.

He hasn’t mentioned it at all since then, actually.

At night, Rilla reads Damien’s old poems by the light of a candle. He’s sent her so many over the years– some so bad they’re a little bit ridiculous, some overblown and tedious, some awkward and forced– but they’re all so very Damien that it makes her heart ache.

Saints above, she misses his poems. Even the damn odes.

“You know,” she says when she manages to catch a few moments alone with him. “It’s been a while since you’ve brought me any new poetry. Have you been working on anything?”

He looks at her like she’s gone mad.

“What are you talking about?” he asks. “I don’t have time for such things.”

When Rilla arrives at the barracks for her meeting with Damien, she’s less surprised to find that he’s gone than she is at her own lack of disappointment. She’s stopped hoping that he’ll make time for her.

The realization leaves her uneasy.

“Rilla, it’s good to see you!”

At least someone’s happy she’s here.

“Hello, Sir Angelo,” she says, trying to smile before he lifts her off the ground in a bear hug.

“How are you?” he asks when he puts her down. “I can make you some tea, if you want. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“It really does,” she says, sitting at the mess hall table while Sir Angelo fusses over the tea. “Not since I made you that antidote to the cockatrice venom, right?”

“That sounds right to me.” He pauses. “I hope you weren’t looking for Sir Damien. He’s off on another monster hunt. There really is no stopping that man.” He says it jovially, but it’s missing most of his usual bluster.

“It certainly seems to keep him busy,” she says, mostly to make conversation. “Honestly, I’m surprised I caught you in. If you’re not careful, he’ll break that tie of yours.”

Her stupid joke feels a lot less funny when she sees the look on his face.

“Oh, that? Ha.” She doesn’t know the last time she’s heard him sound subdued. “That tie was broken ages ago. Damien really is the greatest knight in the Citadel. Really, I’m surprised he didn’t mention it to you.”

“Did something happen?” Rilla asks. “I’m sure it doesn’t count if you were hurt–”

“Oh, no, nothing like that.” He offers her a cup of steaming green tea. “I just lapsed in my efforts, that’s all.”

Rilla frowns. “That doesn’t sound like you. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“It’s nothing like that.” He shrugs his enormous shoulders uneasily. “It’s true that our rivalry used to be one of my greatest pleasures, but it just isn’t much fun anymore.”

When he sits beside her, the bench creaks in protest.

“Damien’s ruthlessness is becoming legendary, you know,” Sir Angelo continues. “It feels like the jungle is almost empty. There aren’t any monsters left alive for miles.” He hesitates. “It’s a little eerie.”

Rilla takes a sip. The tea is scalding hot, burnt just enough to be bitter.

“Sir Angelo?” she asks. “Does Damien seem… different to you lately?”

“Lately?”

“Since his duel with the lizard, I mean.”

Sir Angelo’s broad shoulders sag. “I thought it was only my imagination.”

“I don’t think it is.” Her grip tightens on the cup. “I think he might be sick. I know he doesn’t look it, but he had all those open wounds, and he was up to his neck in swamp water. Maybe he was affected by something. Maybe he’s got some kind of infection and I missed it.”

“If you say so,” Sir Angelo says, laying a hand on her shoulder. “But Damien was acting strangely even before his duel.”

She looks up. “He was? How?” When he doesn’t answer right away, she grabs his hand. “Angelo, please. The more I know about his symptoms, the better I can understand them. Maybe I can do something about it.”

“I… I’m afraid I don’t know,” he admits. “I think he tried to explain it to me, in his own way, but… you know I don’t have a head for such things.” He bits his lip. “But he did give me a poem.”

“A poem? What does that have to do with anything?”

“He said to give it to you if something happened to him. And…” He’s reluctant. “I suppose something did happen to him, didn’t it?” He gives her shoulder a squeeze. “He said it was supposed to explain something. Maybe it will help.”

Rilla reads the poem over a hundred times.

Not because it’s difficult to parse– if anything, he made himself pretty clear, especially compared to some of his older stuff– but because she has a hard time wrapping her mind around what he’s trying to say.

And when she does, she reads over it again, because this is it, isn’t it? This is his confession. His explanation. His goodbye.

This is the last poem Damien ever wrote her.

She keeps rereading it long after she’s committed it to memory, until her eyes droop and she nods off with the page still clutched in her hand and a few of the verses still floating through her head.

Lord Arum swears I have a monster’s eyes And now I fear that what he says is true That I’m one of the foul bests I despise Who loves a lizard as I cherish you.

For you alone my heart beats in my breast If not, then to Saint Damien I pray To pluck this loathsome traitor from my chest Before it leads me faithlessly astray

The moment Damien sets foot in the barracks, he finds Rilla sitting on his cot.

“Oh,” he says, only mildly surprised. “Rilla. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

He would look good, if she didn’t know better. His posture is impeccable, his form rugged and toned in ways she can’t deny is striking, his uniform just slightly disheveled in a way that just barely breaks regulation without being slovenly, his fresh scars are just right to accentuate his features.

But his face.

His face is smooth, unstretched by any strong emotion. His brows lie flat over his eyes. His smile is polite, but it feels like something plastered over a blank wall.

For the first few moments, all she can say is his name, and even that sticks in her throat.

“Was there something you wanted?” he asks, shutting the door behind him. “It’s been a long day. If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to get some rest.”

She shuts her eyes– then opens them again. She needs to see this.

“You can stop trying to hide it,” she says slowly, weighing each word like a ball of lead. “I know about Lord Arum.”

And that… that should mean something to him. He should be surprised, or shocked, or sad, or upset in any way at all. But he just looks curious. “What about him?”

After everything it took to make herself come here, is that all he’s going to give her? Is he this good of an actor?

“I know,” she repeats. And then, softer: “I know you were in love with him.” 

“Ah. That.” Frustratingly, his expression doesn’t change. “And?”

What does that even mean? “Damien, you killed him.”

“Of course I did,” he says easily. “He took you, didn’t he? I thought you were grateful for that.”

“Is that why you’re–” She doesn’t even have the words for it. Does he blame her for what happened? Has he been holding it against her all this time? “I didn’t know. I had no idea. Angelo only gave me your letter yesterday.”

“He shouldn’t have given it to you at all,” Damien says absently. “I told him to destroy the thing.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” she demands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why does it matter?”

“It matters because you were in love with him.”

“Yes, so you’ve said.“ His voice is cold and sharp as an iron blade, and just as impersonal. “And now he’s dead, and the problem is resolved. What exactly do you want from me?”

“I want you to talk to me,” she snaps, carried to her feet by frustration. “Damien, please. I understand if you’re hurting. I understand if you’re angry. I want to help you, if you’ll just tell me how. I’m begging you, just talk to me.” He steps away, but she takes him by the arm before he can pull away. “Please, just… just speak your heart.”

Nothing prepares her for the look of disgust that crosses his face.

There is no poetry left in him– everything soft and delicate has been carved away, leaving behind something jagged and hard.

“I’m a knight, Rilla. What use do I have for my heart?”

Her hand is tight against his wrist.

There is no pulse.