#but on the enterprise mccoy and kirk do remember and it's never about a party it's just to commemorate another year

[lenievi]

January is just a month of my fave fictional characters’ birthday celebrations. And mine too lol 

[eco-lite]

I’m once again returning to do god’s work by bringing you delightful moments from Spock’s World by Diane Duane.

[Text ID: “Spock was bent over [the Science Station], making some adjustment. ‘Readout now,’ he said, straightening and looking over his shoulder at the large, shaggy-fringed rock that was sitting in the center seat. Some of those glittering fringes stroked the open circuitry of the communicator controls in the seat’s arm. ‘Point nine nine three,’ said a scratchy voice from the voder box mounted on the rock’s back. ‘A nice triple sine.’ ‘Nice?’ said Spock. Jim raised an eyebrow: you could have used Spock’s tone of voice to dry out a martini.” End ID]

There’s a Horta crewman on the Enterprise now and they’re great!

[Text ID: “Still working on her doctoral thesis, Jim thought. Uhura was busy working on improving universal translator theory, mostly by taking the old theory to pieces and putting it back together in shapes that were causing a terrible furor in academic circles on various planets. Jim vividly remembered one night quite a long time ago when he had asked Uhura exactly how she was going about this. She had told him, for almost an hour without stopping, and in delighted and exuberant detail, until his head was spinning with phoneme approximations and six-sigma evaluations and the syntactic fade and genderbend and recontextualization and linguistic structural design and the physics of the human dextrocerebral bridge. The session had left Jim shaking his head, thoroughly disabused of the idea (and ashamed of how long he had held it) that Uhura was simply a sort of highly trained switchboard operator.” End ID]

Uhura continues to be a total badass and is amazing at what she does.

[Text ID: Chatroom title in all caps: “COMMON ROOM OPINION, INFORMED AND NON- RANTING AND RAVING PERMITTED NAMES NOT NECESSARY” Regular text: “It was one of the places he came to find out what his crew was thinking. Messages did not have to be attributed to a name or terminal, but they could not be private. The office of the common room system operator rotated through the crew, offered to various members on the strength of their psych profiles in areas like calm reaction to stress and anger. The common room syops tended to be closemouthed and dependable, the kind of person that others refer to as ‘a rock.’ (Once it had actually been Naraht, to the amusement of just about everyone.) Here tempers could flare, awful jokes be told safely, suspicions be aired, rumors be shot down. The common room was sometimes a peaceful place, sometimes a powderkeg. Jim never ignored it.” End ID]

The Enterprise has a dumpster fire chat room that has just as much shitposting and vitriol as twitter.

[Text ID: “Jim bowed over her free hand. ‘It’s been too long,’ he said. ‘It’s good to be back,’ Amanda said. ‘And in the middle of a party as well.’ She looked a little wry. ‘A little entertainment will be pleasant before the deluge.’ Sarek’s eyes flicked to Kirk, a considering look. ‘My wife speaks figuratively,’ he said, ‘in the tradition of her people. Deluges are not common on Vulcan.’ ‘My husband speaks circumspectly,’ Amanda said, just as dryly, ‘in the tradition of his.’” End ID]

Amanda and Sarek are as charming as ever.

[Text ID: “Jim was mildly surprised to see that to his other rank tags and decorations, McCoy had added a small, understated IDIC. ‘If I didn’t know you better,’ he said, ‘I’d think you were going native. When did you get that?’ ‘Today in the gift shop, when you were looking at the snowball paperweights with Mount Seleya in them. Tackiest things I ever saw.’ ‘Yes,’ Spock said; ‘they were imported from Earth.’ ‘You be quiet. We can’t let these people leave the Federation, Jim. At least not until they teach us how to make tasteful souvenirs.’” End ID]

Just this.

[Text ID: “There was Sreil, the burly, brown-haired biologist from the Academy, and T’Madh, a little bright-eyed woman of great age and curiosity, a computer programmer; and her son Savesh, who when asked what he did, said, ‘I am a farmer,’ with a sort of secret satisfaction that hinted he thought his job better than any of the more technical ones that the people around him held. Jim had to smile; the thought of a Vulcan farmer was slightly funny, even though there naturally had to be some. But the image of a Vulcan in coveralls, chewing on a stalk of hay, kept coming up and having to be repressed.” End ID]

I love Savesh the Vulcan farmer!

[Text ID: “’Jim,’ he said, ‘the best translation of nehau would be an old word: “vibes.” The feeling-in-your-bones that something gives you. It’s highly subjective.’ ‘Right. Go on, Savesh.’ ‘Well, Captain, I have heard numerous Vulcans say that losing the Federation and the Earth people would be no particular loss, because they had bad nehau, and that could not fail to affect us sooner or later.. But I must tell you that I find your nehau not objectionable at all; pleasant, even.’ End ID]

Vulcan wanting to leave the Federation because the ~vibes~ are off.

[Text ID: “His grasp of dialect and idiom as amazing for anybody, off-planet or on. He once reduced the President of the United States—then a ceremonial post, but one much loved by the people who lived within the old borders—to tears of laughter at a state dinner, by delivering a learned dissertation on computer data storage technology in a flawless Texan accent. The lady was later heard to propose an amendment to the Constitution to allow off-worlders to hold high public office, so that she could have him for her running mate in the next election.” End ID]

I would give anything to hear Sarek do a perfect Texas accent.

[Text ID: “—but when Amanda became annoyed over what she perceived as his smugness about being right, her eyes would flash and she would become splendidly insulting, usually in bizarre Anglish idiom that Sarek found as refreshing as it was annoying. She caused him to laugh out loud for the first time in many years when she told him, after a disagreement over the translation of the word for war, that he should only grow headfirst in the ground like a turnip. Later that month, when he was right about something again and made the mistake of not immediately down-playing it, she issued him with a formal malediction, wishing that the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind orphan children might pursue him so far over the hills and the seas that God Almighty couldn’t find him with a radio telescope. Sarek laughed so hard at that that he entirely lost his breath, and Amanda panicked and started to give him cardiopulmonary resuscitation, which was useless, because his heart was somewhere other than the spot on which she was pounding. It took him nearly an hour to recover: he kept laughing. He had never been cursed like that before, not even by union leaders, and it was very refreshing.” End ID]

This dynamic is perfect, no notes.

[Text ID: “The next night they sat in the Rec Deck again, in the middle of a large impromptu party that was going on around them by way of celebration. The sense of relief in the ship was palpable. A group of about a hundred crewfolk, mostly human, had surrounded Spock earlier in the evening and sung ‘For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow,’ accompanied by twenty crewmen on kazoos. Sarek had been given champagne.” End ID]

I really hope the TOS Enterprise has crew performances like on Next Gen. This kazoo band needs to be heard! Also, I can perfectly picture Spock’s annoyed-but-tolerant expression as he resigns himself to the kazoo serenade.

Thank you @dianeduane for making me laugh!

[magnetic-rose]

Why Spones is a top-tier ship

AKA “the inherent homoeroticism of annoying the shit out of your co-worker.”

Spock and McCoy have a complicated relationship. A lot of their bickering and ideological differences lead fans to believe that they hate each other, but that’s an over-simplification of the truth. The reality is that Spock and McCoy are extremely close friends who care about each other deeply. Though sometimes their bickering turns serious during stressful situations, for the most time they seem to enjoy the banter. A common mischaracterization of their relationship seems to put McCoy as the bully and Spock as the victim. In truth, there are many times where Spock will say something specifically to get a rise out of McCoy. They fight. That’s how they show affection, not disdain. In fact, one could argue that some of their bantering have a flirtatious tone to it.

Kirk: Mister Spock, regaining eyesight would be an emotional experience for most. You, I assume, felt nothing.

Spock: On the contrary Captain. I had a very strong reaction. My first sight was the face of Doctor McCoy bending over me.

McCoy: ‘Tis a pity brief blindness didn’t increase your appreciation for beauty, Spock. (Operation -- Annihilate!)

Spock is a half-Vulcan, half-Human who has mostly chosen to follow his Vulcan heritage. As such, he is a being of almost pure logic. The truth about Vulcans are that they are secretly beings who feel things very deeply and intensely, and they feel the need to keep a tight lid on their emotions as to not succumb to them. McCoy, on the other hand, is a regular human. He’s a deeply emotional man who cares about others. One could argue that McCoy is almost too empathetic, as he lets his emotions rule him. Spock and McCoy are polar opposites; the brain and the heart, the logic and the emotion, the super-ego and the id.

Despite these differences, the two men are similar in a lot of ways. They’re both men of science, men of peace, and they both care very deeply for their Captain. They’re both self-sacrificing morons, to the chagrin of the other. Spock will prioritize McCoy’s life even when both of them know it’s not the logical choice to do so. Likewise, McCoy will take a hit for Spock even when they both know the Vulcan is stronger and better equipped to deal with pain than the doctor.

Spock: (In the middle of a blizzard) In this severe cold, we cannot survive much longer.

McCoy: Leave me here, Spock.

Spock: We go together or not at all.

McCoy: Don’t be a fool. My hands and face are frostbitten. I can’t feel my feet. Alone, you have a chance. Now do what I say. Go try to find Jim.

Spock: We go together! (All of Yesterdays)

In the episode, “The Empath,” Kirk, Spock and McCoy have to choose someone to be offered as sacrifice to be tortured by a group of aliens. Kirk obviously volunteers, but gets put to sleep by McCoy with a tranquilizer. Spock then states that he’ll offer himself up, as he has the higher chance of surviving the torture. McCoy then proceeds to sedate Spock as well, and sacrifices himself to be tortured by the aliens.

Spock: While the captain is asleep, I am in command. When the Vians return, I shall go with them.

McCoy: You mean, if I hadn't given him that shot

Spock: Precisely. The choice would have been the captain's. Now it is mine.

(McCoy turns away. Spock sits to carry on working. Gem puts her hand on Spock's shoulder, and smiles. McCoy comes up behind him and gives him an injection.)

Spock: Your action is highly unethical. My decision stands. (Spock falls asleep next to Kirk.)

McCoy: Not this time, Spock.

Underneath all the fighting and disagreements, there is a deep caring between Spock and McCoy that manifests itself into protectiveness towards each other. In “All of Yesterdays,” Spock is constantly showing concern for McCoy after he almost died of hypothermia. In aftermath of McCoy’s torture in “The Empath,” Spock is seen hovering over his body and caressing his face, worry written into his features. On the other hand, while McCoy constantly makes fun of Spock for his lack of emotions, he’s also highly aware of the Vulcan’s mental state and protective of it when others threaten to shatter his resilience.

McCoy: He's a Vulcan. You can't force emotion out of him.

Philana: You must be joking, Doctor.

McCoy: You'll destroy him.

Parmen: We can't let him die laughing, can we?

McCoy: (Watching as Spock starts to cry) I beg you! (Plato’s Stepchildren)

The episode “Amok Time” also demonstrates McCoy’s perceptiveness of Spock and Spock’s true feelings of friendship towards McCoy. McCoy is in fact the first person to notice that something is wrong with Spock:

McCoy: Oh, captain. Got a minute? It's Spock. Have you noticed anything strange about him?

Kirk: No, nothing in particular. Why ?

McCoy: Well, it's nothing I can pinpoint without an examination, but he's become increasingly restive. If he were not a Vulcan, I'd almost say nervous. And for another thing, he's avoiding food. I checked and he hasn't eaten at all in three days.

Kirk: That just sounds like Mister Spock in one of his contemplative phases.

Kirk doesn’t notice anything wrong with Spock, and initially dismisses McCoy’s concern, but McCoy immediately picked up on Spock’s mental turmoil. Despite his cantankerousness, McCoy not only cares about Spock but goes out of his way to look out for his mental state. Part of it might be because he’s his doctor, but how many doctors go so far as to monitor someone’s eating habits because they notice that person’s suddenly being fidgety? On Spock’s end, when it comes time for him to beam down to Vulcan to complete his marriage ceremony, he specifically asks for McCoy to be there:

Spock: By tradition, the male is accompanied by his closest friends.

Kirk: Thank you, Mister Spock.

Spock: I also request McCoy accompany me.

McCoy: I shall be honoured, sir.

One episode I find extremely fascinating in terms of McCoy/Spock moments is “Mirror, Mirror.” In this famous episode, half of the Enterprise crew get transported into an alternate universe dubbed The Mirror Verse, in which evil versions of the characters exist and terrorize space as a fearsome military force. McCoy is part of the team that gets transported in the Mirror Verse, while Spock stays in their regular universe. Mirror Spock immediately realizes that half of the crew, including Kirk and McCoy, are acting strangely. When he corners Kirk to question him, he does so by threatening McCoy: “I shall not waste time with you. You’re too inflexible, too disciplined, once you’ve made up your mind. But Doctor McCoy has a plenitude of human weaknesses, sentimental, soft. You may not tell me what I want to know, but he will.” This Spock seems to have a intimate knowledge of McCoy’s mind.  When the party decides to attack Mirror Spock, he fights all of them except for Uhura and McCoy, who he simply pushes out of harm’s way.

When Mirror Spock gets hurt as the crew is trying to escape back to their own universe, McCoy is suddenly unable to leave his side. Kirk allows him to stay to nurse Spock back to health, and McCoy risks almost staying in the Mirror Verse forever for him. When Mirror Spock awakes, he backs McCoy into a wall and initiates a forced mind meld onto the doctor. The next scene has Mirror Spock holding a disoriented McCoy up and bringing him back to his crew; he now understands what is happening and he wants his regular crew back, and thus he allows Kirk and company to make the switch back to their own universe.

Other Star Trek properties have gone more in depth on how a forced mind meld can be extremely traumatizing on the person receiving it. Star Trek: Enterprise has an entire story arc dedicated to the Vulcan T’Pol trying to heal from a forced mind meld. Unfortunately, because the nature of TOS episodes were episodic, we never got the chance to explore the emotional fallout of McCoy’s forced mind meld and how that might have affected his relationship with Spock. The franchise also never went in depth on Mirror McCoy outside of what Mirror Spock speaks of him, since Mirror McCoy died of xenopolycythemia in 2269.

Closing the list of evidence of Spock and McCoy’s affections towards each other are the Star Trek movies “The Wrath of Khan” and “The Search for Spock.” Towards the end of Wrath of Khan, Spock sacrifices himself to save The Enterprise in one of the franchises most heart-wrenching scenes. Moments before his sacrifice, he knocks McCoy unconscious, touches his face and whispers “remember.” What happened in this scene was that Spock, knowing he was about to die, transferred his Katra to McCoy. The katra being the Vulcan equivalent of a soul. This speaks to the amount of trust that Spock has in McCoy. For someone who keeps most of his emotions under a tight lid, it’s a huge gesture to entrust another with the essence of their entire being. The next movie, The Search for Spock, is a journey as the Enterprise crew fight to return to Vulcan so they can reunite Spock with his body. When they finally arrive, the Vulcans warn McCoy that the process is extremely dangerous and could even result in his death. McCoy calmly replies that he “chooses the danger.” He cannot fathom living his life without Spock.

McCoy: (Speaking to Spock) I'm going to tell you something that I... I never thought I'd hear myself say...But it seems I've missed you. I don't know if I could stand to lose you again.

So in conclusion, Spock and McCoy have a rich and complex relationship that is much more than simply just “they dislike each other because they bicker a lot.” Their bickering is more akin to that of an old married couple. There are plenty of examples not even included in this post of how deeply they care for each other. Despite their ideological differences, they balance each other out quite nicely. McCoy is finely attuned to Spock’s emotions, arguably better than anyone else on the ship. Spock in turn is protective and gentle with McCoy. Once you stop looking at their interactions solely on the surface level, you’ll be able to see the tenderness and years of love and friendship between them. This is why I think Spock/McCoy is one of the most underrated and misunderstood relationships of TOS. Don’t let the constant arguing fool you into believing these two dummies don’t adore each other.

Shout-out to Tempest for their extremely lengthy ship manifesto on Spones called “Spiced Peaches,” which goes even more in depth on why Spones is a great couple. Using their manifesto as a reference was key to remembering Spock/McCoy moments. Also shout-out to the site chakoteya for having full transcripts of TOS episodes, so I could easily find quotes for this. If you’ve come this far, thanks for reading!

[courtofcravings]

Another you (1)

Context: In which you get stuck on a planet and have to save kirk, whichhe admits feelings for you and ya both land in the Med Bay.

Warning: Some blood, needles, minor injuries. mild choking

Feb 2nd/21

I always find it funny that my go-to thing is to have the reader afraid of needles, but I myself am actually trained to give vaccines and take blood.

This was also my first Kirk x reader in a long time// It’s hard to write flirty confident characters because it is the exact opposite of who I am, yet it’s the personality i love in my men and women so xoxo

--------------

Dr. McCoy was again trying to coerce you down to the Med Bay; he really thought offering to get the Captain involved would change anything. “I’m telling you right now, Y/N, you can’t go on your away mission without your immunizations for this planet. Have you have heard of the Quazulu VIII Virus, no? That’s because there is a vaccine for it!”  

“Dr. McCoy, It will be a quick up and down to the planet to grab some specimens; I won’t stay for diplomatic reasons like the rest of the party is.” You justified to him. You had almost finished packing everything you needed from the research ward before your ship’s chief medical examiner ambushed you.

“As a scientist, I’d figure you would be one of the most appreciative of vaccines.” He replied, helping you collect tubes from the drawer beside him. “Ah contrary, as a scientist, I am well aware of how dirty hospitals and MedBays are.” The doctors face contorted,

“You do realize you are going on an away mission, on a un sterile planet. There is a risk of injury; are you just not going to receive first aid if something goes wrong on the planet?” He’s not wrong, and you knew it. You just hated needles. They grossed you out.

“I won’t get hurt then,” You confidently stated, which earned a scoff from the young doctor.

“What if I bring the vaccines to your research lab? And gave them to you here?” You admitted that wasn’t a bad compromise. The Med Bay gave you more of a bad feeling than needles do. You always found that most people you had to bring to the Medbay or hospital didn’t always come out. You just couldn’t shake the feeling of dread when you go in.

“Fine.”

“You remind me so much of Jim.” He said while pulling out the vaccines. He had the vaccines here!? He already knew I wouldn’t agree to go to the Med Bay and thought ahead. You really have left an impression on the doctor.

“Who? And you really knew I’d say yes?” Referring to the cooler filled with the vaccinations. “Ah, you see, they are not just for you,” He said. Taking one of the two doses you needed into one of his hands and pinch “Done.”

Oh, that wasn’t horrible.

The doors swooshed opened behind you, but you couldn’t open your eyes, knowing there was another needle coming. “Bones, you called me here?” Immediately recognizing that voice as Captain Kirk

“You Actually Told The Captain On Me!?” You stood up to look accusingly at Dr. McCoy. He only shrugged his shoulders, looking between the two of you. “You need to get your inoculations, Jim; why don’t you explain to Y/N here how important it is to get them before an away trip,” He said while getting another dose ready. “You do have a lot of experience of finding out the hard way.”

You met the captain’s eyes, so blue. “Captain,” You correctly addressed him, “Y/N, will you be coming tonight?” He asked, his voice so alluring. 

“I will, sir,” He smiled at you, taking a seat. “So, Bones here is giving you trouble?” He grabbed your backpack, taking a glance inside at what you were going to bring. It reminded you of a kid who couldn’t sit still.

“Bones?”

“Do not call me that,” Dr. McCoy said fast. pinch “Ouch, I wasn’t ready for that one!” You growled, rubbing your arm, earning a small laugh from the captain sitting across from you. You watched Dr. McCoy draw up his last dose for you and started to feel sick to your stomach.

“Captain, I believe you were explaining to Y/N how important the vaccines are,” He asked the Captain. Funny, it’s not often that Dr. McCoy will address the Captain formally like that. You think Captain Kirk noticed as well as he looked caught off guard.

“Well, as your Captain, I have to inform you that it is mandatory, and Starfleet regulations to get your vaccines before the away mission. Otherwise, you can compromise the health of my crew,” He said professionally. Looking at bones with a thumbs up.

You couldn’t help but get distracted by his deep blue eyes while he talked more about it. You were not really paying much attention to his words. “All done,” Dr. McCoy said, cleaning up his tray of discarded utensils. You were so distracted by the captain you didn’t feel that last pinch.

You pulled your blue shirt back down to entirely go over your arm, “Well, if that is everything, I should be preparing for the away mission,” The captain said, dismissing himself.

“No, No, No, Jim.” Dr. McCoy stood up fast, grabbing the Captain by his arm before he could get out of his chair. “You just lectured Y/N on the importance of inoculations; I do believe it is your turn,” You figured that was why the doctor brought those extra doses. This was his plan all along.

“For the well being of the crew and all,” You spoke up, paraphrasing his own words. Dr. McCoy let out an agreeable laugh, while the captain just sat there, defeated.

“Alright, alright, just make it fast,” The captain lifted his shirt enough to sneak his left arm out. Your first instinct, of course, was to look around the room at literally anything else.

“I was just telling Y/N how alike you both are; I mean, she’s basically another you,” Dr. McCoy said. You couldn’t help but scoff at this, you and the captain having something in common? Sure, but you being basically like him? Definitely not.

“What gave it away? Was it the height? We are pretty close in height,” The captain responded, a playful smile on his handsome face.

“Maybe, It is our common interest in specialties on the ship? You know, being captain and being a biomedical engineer are very similar jobs.” You asked, teasing the doctor. He only responded with a sigh and poked the Captain with the needle, making him jolt.

“You know Y/N; I think he might be right. I am certain he was referring to our matching taste in clothing.” The Starfleet uniform being all match except for the colours. Where scientists wore grey or blue, the captains wore gold. Gold was definitely his colour.

“Nope, he is definitely talking about our boobs; they are just so alike,” You said, a giggle ripped from the captain, making him move back slightly.

“Dammit, Jim, stay still.” He said, giving the last dose to the Captain, then turning back to look at you, “You know you’re both just proving my point,”

“Well, then that’s just double the fun for you, Bones,” The captain said. He was taking his leave before the Doctor comes up with more to poke him with. After two years on this ship, bugging Dr. McCoy never got old.

“I couldn’t imagine being stuck on an away trip with the two of you,” Dr. McCoy said while grabbing his bag. “Hey, Bones, that’s kinda hurtful,” You responded, using the nickname the Captain used with him.

“Dammit, Jim,” Bones muttered under his breath, leaving to go track down more officers before the away trip.

-----

The trip mission for you was supposed to be simple: collect some plant samples with specific regenerative properties. This would help in your designs of tissue regeneration equipment you worked on in the lab aboard the enterprise with Dr. McCoy.

Unfortunately for you, It seemed something went wrong, you’re assuming with the diplomatic party that came down with you. You only took fifth-teen minutes to gather enough samples to fill your small bag, but when you used your comm to contact the ship, no one responded.

As a matter-of-fact, no one on the mission on the planet was answering either. You hoped they hadn’t forgotten you on this planet and left, unlikely, but still a thought. You didn’t remember where exactly the other group got transported to, and it was still a debate whether you should leave the last known location they had of you, but it was getting dark.

You needed shelter and possibly a fire. It was far too cold on this planet for you to stay extended out in the elements. So you started walking, with no means to defend yourself and no map of the jungle-like terrain. You couldn’t help but think bones may have been right about laughing at you confidently declaring nothing will go wrong.

“Y/N to enterprise,” You repeated every few seconds, waiting for any response as you trudged through the thicker bushes. Soon it was dark and cold. You could barely see anything, and it was getting too dangerous to walk around.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the faintest light. Maybe it was your crew? You thought about following it, but you also thought of that fish that used a light on its head to lure its prey back on earth. Maybe you are about to be angler fish food; You don’t think they make vaccines to prevent that.

Maybe it is called “not being stupid and walking toward the scary lingering light.”

But where else was there to go. So, against your better instinct, you started walking towards it. Although, the closer you got, you figured out it was a fire and not some carnivorous fish. Picking up the speed and getting closer, you could clearly hear voices. Thank goodness

You have always been told you had two left feet for a reason, so of course, before you could enter the camp, you tripped and ate dirt. Getting up on your knees, you backed up slowly. You seemed to have cut your arm open on something, possibly a branch, when you fell. Great, now you’d have to admit to bones he was right.

Captain Kirk and the rest of the diplomatic crew were tied up, surrounded by another species. It seemed someone- a woman was attempting to speak to them in their language.

They didn’t seem to be responding to her in the same kind tone. Every so often, she’d stop and talk to the captain, translating for him, you figured. Maybe some sort of negotiations or clearing up a misunderstanding, but it did not seem to be going in our favor.

You lowered yourself deeper in the bushes and looked around the camp. There didn’t seem to be any device blocking the signal you could spot, so why wouldn’t the comms work, you wondered. You did, however, find Starfleet-issued phasers, more phasers than you had men. You suppose this meant you guys were not the only Starfleet officers caught by this group.

You watched as the conversation turned sour, and one of the species took what looked like a long fork and put it through the captain’s leg. Yup, This is definitely not good. The same one who stabbed the captain untied the translator and the two other men, walking them out into the forest in the other direction, to where you had no idea. This left Captain Kirk alone, guarded by two others.

You ever so slowly made your way around the camp to the phasers, laying on a flat table with other confiscated items. Your arm was not letting up pain-wise or blood wise, but you knew it wouldn’t matter much if you couldn’t make it off the planet. Grabbing one phaser at a time, you managed four.

Although taking a look at them, you realized you were way in way over your head. Too far in over your head. Getting stranded on a planet with a lacerated arm was fine; watching your crewmates get tied up and minorly stabbed was fine because you could have helped. There was a solution in sight, but now?

Looking down at the phaser, you had no recognition on how to use it; you were now too far in over your head. Starfleet trained you on a basic low power phaser; the highest setting was three. This phaser had so many buttons, far too many than necessary, you thought.

Taking a deep breath, you put two phasers in your bag and slowly made your way behind to where Captain Kirk was tied up and bleeding. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to untie the Captain, you watched the two guards pace around the camp, talking. You needed a distraction, but what could you possibly do?

You snuck up to the Captain silently, but you knew there wasn’t enough time to do too much before they’d glance in your direction. Grabbing the Captain on the shoulder reassuringly, “Don’t make a sound,” The last thing you wanted was for him to be surprised by you sneaking upon him and startle the guards. “I have no idea how to use this, so I really hope you can move and are not completely out of it from blood loss!” You whispered urgently, putting a phaser in his still tied up hands.

“Y/N?” The captain whispered, “Don’t do anything stupid,” You loved his esteemed confidence in you.

“I don’t have enough time to finish untying this knot,” It was so close to coming undone, but you heard one of the guards pacing this way, so you left. You watched the captain look around, but you were hiding in the bushes already. He started to loosen his hands subtly.

Now time for your distraction. You walked around the campsite again, furthering yourself from the captain. “Hey!” You screamed at the guards, hopefully taking the guard’s attention of the captain. “Hey!” You shouted again at them, waving your arms in the air with one phaser in your hand. The guards started slowly approaching you; however, you hadn’t really thought this far.

“Okay, I know you can’t understand me,” You pointed the phaser directly at them, “But I know you understand this, and I...I don’t want to hurt you! So don’t come any farther!” You yelled pointlessly as they kept on approaching you, towering over you. Up close, in front of the light from their fire, you could clearly see their leathery skin, their large muscular frames, and very large weapons in hand.

“Hey, I mean it!” You said, waving the phaser at the one to your left. They were approaching faster with no sign of stopping until they were in front of you. One put their hands on your throat, your feet dangling in the air as he started to choke you. You knew they could crush your throat in a second if they chose to but instead decided to apply pressure slowly.

A loud sound echoed in your ears; It definitely belonged to a phaser. The guard let you go, both of you falling to the ground. And you couldn’t stop the intense coughing fit that erupted from you, your body trying to get as much air in as it could. Distantly you heard the second guard fall to the ground. A hand was on your back as you coughed, “Are you okay?” It was the captain.

After catching your breath, you stood up, looking at the captain. He was standing beside you, phaser in hand, with blood rushing down his leg. “You’re the one with the stab wound,” You responded hoarsely, slightly concerned. “This is nothing,” You reached under his arm so he could support his weight more onto you, “Let me help, sit down over here and let’s tie something around your leg,” He let his weight fall on you slightly. To be honest, you probably would not be able to carry all his weight, especially since your arm was starting to throb.

Sitting him down, you reached into your bag, looking for anything you could use as a makeshift tourniquet. Thankfully, you packed a mini first aid kit. Yes, it was extremely small, holding only a few items; you knew it had a small roll of gauze in it. He let out a laugh when he saw you pull out the little red box. “Laugh all you want, but this could potentially help save your life,” You said seriously.

“That’s not why I am laughing,” You looked up at him curiously, waiting for him to continue his explanation. “I’m sorry, but.” You wrapped a long strand of gauze around his leg, pulling and twisting, as you were taught. “I have this deep, stab wound, and you pull out the smallest first aid kit that I have ever seen in my life,” You took an alcohol swab and wiped his wound gently, cleaning it as well as you could.

“I find it extremely funny that when I looked into your bag this morning and saw it, I thought it was cute, you would bring it,” You looked around to see what dressing you had, not a lot. “I thought it was cute you’d bring a small little first aid kit when we have an on-hand medic come with us.” You ripped his pants just slightly so you start dressing it, “And now you are providing first aid to me with it, in the field, I don’t know I just find that funny” He finished looking down at what you were doing before deciding maybe watching isn’t the best idea.

“I don’t know if I should pack dressing around… this fork thing, or if I should take out the object and dress you properly.” You leaned back on your legs and looked up at him.

“Leaving it in would be safest because I can’t be sure if it hit an artery or not, and you’d bleed out.” You paused, letting him take in the information, “On the other side if I don’t take it out and we have to move fast, it could potentially do more damage.”

“Take it out; we need to get moving to find Uhura, Sulu, and Montgomery.” You were slightly nervous about doing this; killing your captain does not look good on a resume. You opened the dressing packages, ready to work fast. The tourniquet should have stopped any bleeding; you should be safe to pull it, you hoped.

And with one fluid motion and no warning for the Captain, you pulled it out, throwing it to the ground. You placed one hand on the wound to keep pressure and reached for the dressings. The groans of pain were agonizing to hear come from him; however, you knew you had to keep going and get the wound bandaged up. You had wished the small kit had medication or pain relievers of any kind to help him, something you’d need to remind yourself to add for next time.

“I am so sorry; I know that must have been pretty painful for you.” You said sincerely. It was over, but he was still breathing hard, reeling over the pain. He reached toward you, leaning forward, and rested his head on your shoulder. You put a hand on his head and brushed his hair with your fingers, staying like that for a few minutes, peacefully.

“Your arm, there is blood on the sleeve,” He said, grabbing your arm to inspect it; however, you pulled it away, “I scratched it on a branch, it hurts but it’s not bleeding anymore. Besides, I used all the dressing on you- being the more urgent injury.”

“We need to move; they might have heard me.” You helped him stand, and he continued to use you for support. “It’s so dark. I have no idea how or where we’d find everyone.” He reached into his pocket and grabbed a phaser, “They went to their nest. It should be north; there is a map of the terrain on the phaser we can follow,” And with that, he pressed a button of the phaser, which also turned on a flashlight. “Captain, do you think you are in any shape to fight? I was surprised you were able to stand up long enough to take down those two guards.”

“I am fine. I can fight, don’t worry about me.”

“Which, by the way, thank you for saving me back there,” You had never been that close to dying before. “Y/N, it is me who should be thanking you. Without you, I am fairly sure I would have bled to death tied up at that camp.”

------------------------

Part 2

I enjoyed writing it so I hope yall liked it

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 15: 2x03 The Paradise Syndrome

I have seen this episode once before and I remember it being pretty awful... but tbh, I didn’t think it was so bad this time around. Maybe that’s just because my expectations were, like, Spock’s-Brain low. It definitely had issues but there was stuff I liked too!

Hmmm, that’s not the bridge. It appears to be... California?

Wondering what people might be so “blessed by this environment”--what a manly he-man action/adventure guy thing to say, amirite?

How does Spock know the significant markers of all the Native American tribes at a distance, off the top of his head?

(Answer: he doesn’t; all of this information is wrong and also one of those tribes is completely made up lmao.)

Honestly, who’s to say these people aren’t advanced? How do YOU know?

“Just so peaceful... no command decisions.” Oh no, Jim’s feeling Romantic again.

Honestly, imagine this characterization in AOS: overworked starship captain think he wants a break (but is wrong). Beyond made a vague attempt but missed what it is that Kirk finds stressful about command--it’s not that it’s boring, it’s the weight of the responsibility and the inability to find love.

Although funnily enough, even on his Native American Vacation, he still finds himself in a command position. He just can’t be stopped. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Oh no, the obelisk ate him.

Maybe these people specifically built the obelisk so that they could return to this idyllic ““primitive”“ state, hmm? Maybe they like their lives this way. Maybe they experienced "progress" and then decided that whatever era of their development looked like indigenous American peoples had it right. (This is not correct but it roughly is the plot of Errand of Mercy so I’m not without precedent.)

Spock’s using simple tools to explain his point to Bones lol. “Here, let me dumb it down for you, lesser man of science.”

“Who am I? What are these?” Cpine morning voice: “This must be a dream!”

Kirk looks so confused. The god from the obelisk.

“The engines are showing signs of stress.” Seems to me like SCOTTY’S showing signs of stress.

And yet the music is so whimsical.

Honestly Kirk’s expression here = Denny Crane’s when in a meeting

White man brings CPR, is hailed as god. (I wish I were making this up.)

Damn, Salish has been demoted. How embarrassing for him.

This is a VERY interesting Spock. He does all his calculations, but the he takes all the risks. He’s very certain and single-minded, almost obsessed, not afraid of anything. I think it’s IC but I also think you can see some Kirk influence, perhaps... You can see how Spock has grown in his command abilities since The Galileo Seven.

The wise ones = the aliens.

“He died before he could tell Salish the secret” to opening the Obelisk and stopping the asteroid. That IS unfortunate.

“How does this shirt open?” Lol.

“Your name is Kirok?” “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

“I’ve never been this happy and peaceful.” Funny how he looks neither happy nor peaceful. Maybe it’s something like “I’ve never been this happy and peaceful...and I don’t like it.” Or “I’ve never been this happy and peaceful... there must be something wrong.”

“Here there is much time. For everything.” No there isn’t, there’s an asteroid coming.

Kirk’s cottage core fantasy.

Poor Scotty, so stressed out. Maybe he needs some time with the indigenous aliens.

The Joining Day? Lol okay.

Kirk has no chill, at all. “Oh, you want to get married? Tomorrow? Okay!!” Is this how Gary was able to successfully distract with him the blonde lab technician?

The “stardrive.”

“Estimated repair time?” “FOREVER.”

“And you lost Jim.” Cool it Bones, there’s no need to be cruel. Spock’s already in his thinking pose so you know he’s taking this seriously.

Love Spock’s chair. That’s not Starfleet regulation.

“I have found paradise.” Is he high??

Requisite highly choreographed fight scene.

“You’ve barely eaten or slept for weeks.” That’s because he’s worried about Jim. And the giant asteroid. This is a great Spock and McCoy scene though.

I can’t believe this. Spock lies down (barely!) and McCoy just leaves like he actually thinks he’s won, and then Spock immediately gets up again to go back to work.This guy is even easier to fool than Sarek.

You know Spock spent his whole adolescence going "Sure, I'll do the thing" and then just not doing it.

“A strange lodge that moves through the sky...” Well okay.

Okay I’m sorry, is he sensing the enterprise or is he sensing SPOCK? Because most of this dialogue might just imply he’s generically remembering his old life... but he also specifically says that the “flying lodge” was farther away and now it’s closer again, and how he could he know that otherwise?

She’s pregnant? That’s not good lol. AWKWARD.

Also the closest that TOS will ever come to acknowledging people have sex.

Omg he made a lamp. He made a lamp on his first day there. Does this imply that Captain Kirk had an arts and crafts phase?? Like CPR I understand him knowing--I’m sure everyone in Starfleet does. But hand-carving a lamp? That’s a whole other skill.

Various cultures including “certain Vulcan offshoots” use music notes as words omgggggg I love this information PLEASE tell me more.

“The Preservers” is a good concept imo. Nifty sci fi innovation: taking aliens from endangered places and giving them a new place, then setting it up nicely for them.

Stop throwing things guys! It’s not helping!

“I need Nurse Chapel.” Damn right you do.

Spock really doesn’t like that “wife.” He sounds like “Wife?? How dare??”

Then he suggests it’s a hallucination even though there’s a woman right there.

"Naturally, since he did not come from there. He's my man, get your paws off him."

Vulcan mind fusion? What the heck is that? How is it season 3 and they still don’t know what to call it?

“He is an extremely dynamic individual.” Spock was really taken for a ride in that brain.

“The landing party is expendable.” There’s the Captain.

“I have an excellent eye for musical notes.” Brag.

“Just press the right button.”

Looks like Spock was the god they wanted all along.

Okay, that was an uncool ending though. I know they basically had to kill Miramanee as soon as she was pregnant but like, there was also no reason for her to be pregnant??? I would have preferred if (1) Miramanee hadn't been pregnant, (2) Jim got over her as soon as he regained his memory and (3) she lived and they just parted awkwardly.

Also I think it would have been nice if they had ended with the Enterprise explaining to Salish how the obelisk works, and then maybe even a hint that he and Miramanee will get back together. Like, maybe not that, since I’m not a fan of women just being used to, like, make men feel better--though I’m also not a fan of them being fridged because of Inconvenient Baby--but he should have at least gotten his position back and, more importantly, the knowledge he was always entitled to. Also, the very existence of an asteroid deflector, along with the people’s extensive knowledge of what weather signifies Oncoming Asteroid, implies this happens to them with some frequency. So in other words, the threat will return.

Plus Salish never got enough credit for being right, which he was! The whole time!

Oh and also I would have liked some acknowledgement that Jim does like being Captain. If you watch the whole show, you know that he occasionally bemoans the stress and his inability to maintain a romantic relationship, despite his love of long walks on the beach, but that he’s also ambitious, he loves exploration and adventure, he gets bored if left in one place too long, and he believes in the necessity of progress and discovery to keep not just individuals but societies from stagnation. But if you just watched this episode, you’d think he’d never been happy in his entire life, and that returning to command makes him miserable.

Aside from the Native American stuff--which was awkward and rather unnecessary and has aged, as you might imagine, very very poorly--I actually didn’t hate the episode. It had some VERY interesting Spock stuff, which I think is within a reasonable Spock characterization, and some great Spock and Bones moments. Kirk’s story line was surprisingly engaging for him being completely separate from the crew, and the general theme that he sometimes needs, or thinks he desires, a break from command, is definitely in keeping with other episodes. I liked the asteroid as the Big Danger, which was surprisingly dynamic--by which I mean, it did a good job of connecting the very disparate story lines on the Enterprise and on the planet. I also liked the Sci Fi Concept of the week in the Protectors. And it was interesting to see an ep take place over a longer period of time.

None of this is to downplay how awkward the Native American elements are--incredibly fetishistic, and also lazy--like, “I want to show something Simple and Idyllic...I know! Indians!” There was no reason they should look like American Indians. In fact, it makes no sense that they do: the Protectors take peoples from planets that are about to be destroyed and (somehow) discreetly move them somewhere else, but Native American peoples still.... very much exist? And so does Earth as a whole. So obviously these aliens weren’t transplanted from Earth. So why should their culture resemble some awkward mishmash of Native American cultures?

So overall I’d say, the ideas of the episode, the structure, the characterizations (mostly), and the overall ideas were good, but it was just very awkward and unfortunate that it chose the... aesthetic that it did--especially because it was very much an aesthetic choice and not a well-thought-out, culturally sensitive one. Gonna be honest and just chalk that up to it being 1968 though.

Next is And the Children Shall Lead, which I actually think was one of the first TOS eps I ever saw... But I don’t remember it at all.  So we’ll see!

[qvid-pro-qvo]

need for more

aos!leonard mccoy x female!reader, who’s a nurse on the starship enterprise.

word count: 7091

rating: mature, for medical trauma (blood and gore, injury), angst

part two of more than a game, you and me.

After a few weeks of what you think you want in your relationship, Leonard seems to hint at something more. With the memory of a previous relationship lingering over your head, you pull away from a good thing, wondering if you can ever pick up the pieces.

That wasn’t the last time you went to Dr. McCoy’s – well, Leonard’s – office to kill time between shifts. Or during shifts. Or after shifts. And a couple of times, if it started in one location and ended up in your quarters, well, that was between you two.

But that’s all it was, you reasoned, with the sole confidants you trusted with that kind of information.

“You’re lookin’ like the cat that caught the canary,” Scotty said with a raised brow, your answering shrug not at all deterring him from curiosity even as he was shoulder deep in a nacelle. “Are we sure that there’s nothing more that we need to be discussing?”

“It’s just sex, two consenting adults. All it needs to be.”

“Right,” Christine nodded along, as the two of you chatted in the medication room, the other nurses and aforementioned doctor unable to hear a thing with the sealed sliding door. “And that’s the conclusion you both came to, hmm?”

Well. It wasn’t exactly discussed in depth, that’s for sure.

The thing was, he knew your name now. He knew what kind of shampoo you used because he saw it in the showers he took after a couple of rounds, and you knew how he took his coffee after early morning moments, but talking wasn’t something you did. You never even spent the night. It was a silent agreement. Couldn’t that be all it needed to be? The fact that you thought he looked fucking delicious in a blue Starfleet uniform and he liked the way the regulation whites looked on and off, that couldn’t be the end of it?

It’s not like he dared to let it go any farther. There wasn’t any offer to spend time together without the sex, and you didn’t think it was your place to offer anything when it seemed clear that Leonard’s feelings didn’t proceed past a “good lay.” It was something you kept on the down low, and no one said a damn thing about it.

So you didn’t talk about it. Or, at the very least, you didn’t bring it up as a point of conversation, because at the end of the day it was a good thing that you were comfortable with. Histories didn’t have to repeat themselves, of course. There was a reason Leonard’s eyes had felt like criticism, why a year on one ship was a landmark and anything beyond sex was out of the question.

It was still raw. Ached when you dared to remember.

And then the mission happened, and you had no choice but to.

-

Simple. Mission off-world. A potential new life-form and a new civilization was in the job description of the Enterprise, and so the captain needed an away team. Even with the arguments, of course, Leonard always got roped into it, and even though he pretended to be a gruff, no-nonsense kind of guy, he usually got up to nonsense with Captain Kirk.

“When’s the shuttle leaving?” you asked, sitting on the edge of the bed as you reached for your communicator. You hadn’t heard any kind of beeping, but it never hurt to keep checking for missed messages.

“Tomorrow morning, 0800,” he said with a groan. You could picture his eyes rolling, and the bed creaked a little as he rolled onto his side, fingers beginning to glide over the skin on your back, connecting some unknown dots. “Jim told Sulu to do some maneuverin’ with the ship to make sure we could find a place to land, hopefully in an optimal location.”

He always dropped his g’s when he was tired, and when you turned to face him, he looked it. The week hadn’t been kind to him, or the crew, and the kind heart you’d gotten more and more of a peek at during shifts ached when the crew suffered. Especially when it felt preventable, or some kind of misplaced wrath the universe decided to throw on good people. You’d gotten to know him, almost by accident, and that made you smile a little bit more.

“I didn’t think the great Dr. McCoy could get up that early,” you teased, and his hand stopped roaming to curl on your hip.

“Oh, I dunno,” he purred, and there was that smirk of his, just as brilliant of a victory as the first time you urged it out of him. “Maybe if I get real tired out that eight hours won’t be too hard to find. Could wake up bright and early, and well-rested.”

Your laugh was light, and you matched the quirk of his lips with your own, leaning forward to take a couple of kisses from him before whispering in his ear. “Something tells me you’re always a pain in the ass to get up in the mornings.”

That got a pinch from him, but you barely felt it as you giggled, the look on his face, a little sweet and a little sour, completely worth it. His expressions were things you sought out, earned. It felt nice, to know you were responsible for the sweet.

A few minutes later you felt him slide into the shower behind you, hands wrapping around your waist as his mouth teased a moan from you as it roamed over your neck.

“You’re lucky turtlenecks aren’t in regulation,” he murmured, choosing to bite on your shoulder as his finger brushed over your hips. “Though I have half a mind to convince you to ignore regulation.” His words made you shiver with that half-promise, and smile with his teasing, but you made sure to level a look as you turned to face him.  

“So you can skip the consequences while you’re on-planet? I don’t think so. In fact, I think the regs are saving me from an inordinate amount of concealer purchases,” you shot at him, reaching up with your hand to gently pat on his cheek. The water made his hair flat and stick to his forehead, a situation you rectified as your brushed it back. “Don’t make me kick your ass.”

“Kick my ass, huh?” he grumbled, but it was half-heartedly and with a smile as he leaned in to kiss you. You stayed like that for a while, kissing under the warm spray, and when you pulled away it was so you could use the soap to lather up, offering it to him so he could get your back.

“I could kick your ass from here to New Vulcan, and don’t you forget it.”

The moment ended. Like all moments, there was a start and a finish, and the finish line came roaring into view as you heard him hum out a little tune as the soap foamed on your skin. Unfortunately, your eyes were closed, so you didn’t see it. You were humming something from the home world as he muttered to himself.

“Mm, I’m gonna miss you, Y/N.”

And, well. Wasn’t that… a sentence, at the very least.

One that made your insides twist up. Not unpleasantly, not completely, but something like fear and a little bit of delighted glee tangled to make your chest ache, your stomach turn. And with all of that, doubt decided to rear its ugly head, starting a pain right behind your eyes.

“You mean you’re going to miss my body,” you offered. A simple rectification, something that could make something like feelings go away. “I don’t blame you, it’s a great one.”

“Hmm?” Leonard was barely paying attention, eyes focused on the middle of your back, the soap against your skin as he assisted in scrubbing.

“You’re not going miss me.”

That made him stop. Stop kissing you for sure, and when you turned to face him it was because he spun you around, his dark brows furrowed together so tightly they almost seemed to join above his nose. “Well, that’s comin’ outta nowhere. What do you mean I’m not gonna miss you?”

“I mean that,” you said with a sigh, rolling your eyes, feeling the spray hit your back wash away the soap for long enough that you could twist back and turn it off completely. “You’re not going to miss a thing. It’s a landing party. You’ll be gone for a couple days and then you’ll be back.” With that, you figured the conversation over, and your hand reached to pull back the glass door. You were sliding out when you realized he wasn’t following, just staring at you, those brows now adjusted so that his face looked completely pinched.

“So, what, I can’t miss you? D’you think I don’t care about you, Y/N?” Leonard said, and he sounded… almost shocked. Surprised, even, but your rolling eyes made it clear that kind of act wasn’t exactly convincing.

“I’m not saying you hate me,” you replied, shrugging as you held your towel around you, reaching for something softer to wrap around your hair. “I’m just saying that we have a lot of fun having sex, and that’s okay if that’s all it is. You don’t have to pretend like there’s anything more.” That’s how it went. How it went before, at least.

This time he did follow, stepping out of the shower, catching the towel you threw at him, and the next few minutes were spent in silence. Tension filled the air, just like the steam, and you pressed the button for the vent a couple of times before realizing that it was shorted out. Great.

And then you realized that Leonard was… silent. An odd thing for him, especially when the two of you didn’t have clothes on. When you looked back at him, the wheels were definitely turning, and his lips were a little pursed, but he didn’t offer anything up as your eyes met, just looked you over as you reached for your toothbrush.

“Something on your mind, doctor?” you managed, keeping your tone teasing, but before you could get to your nightly routine, finish cleaning up, his hand reached out to cover yours on the brush, lowering it from your mouth. It was rough, from Georgia calluses and from Starfleet scars. “Leonard… I’m not the captain, you can speak freely.”

“Y/N… you think there’s nothing more here?” he asked, and his deep eyes met yours with an intensity that made you swallow, mouth falling a little open as you stared back.

Was he that dense? It wasn’t like he made anything else an option. “Considering that during shifts you only call me ‘nurse’ and after shifts you don’t talk to me at all except for a joke or a comm when you wanna bunk over, I’d say it’s a fair assessment.” Your hand pulled away from his so that you could cross your arms over your chest, leaning against the bathroom sink.

And that… well. You’d see Leonard McCoy grumpy; you’d seen him angry, even, but this was… something else. More like sullen. A shadow seemed to fall over his features, and he pulled his gaze away to look at himself in the mirror.

“What, do you think there is?” you asked, not even scoffing at it, just raising your own brow, and when he heard that he seemed to shut down even more, the hand that had held yours reaching to hold his towel up. Your eyes widened a bit, and there was a tightness in your chest again, fierce and almost like hope, and your hand still seemed to thrum with the gentle touch he’d offered. “Doc… do you?”

But before any more could be said, or done, his eyes, unreadable, pulled away from the mirror to meet yours, narrowed, dark.

“No. That’s obviously ridiculous, ain’t it?”

It was mean. It was plain mean, sarcastic, almost caustic as it came from his lips, and as you watched him say it you could barely blink. Even when you first met, he’d never been that dismissive, that cruel, and you forced yourself to look away, holding your own towel close against yourself. Crushed, maybe? And then anger. Pure anger.

“Yeah. Obviously.”

You pushed off of the sink, and when you opened the bathroom door with the slam of another button, the steam rushed out along with you. Leonard followed soon after, but you didn’t dare make eye contact with him, instead making sure you kept covered as you moved to your drawers to find new clothes for yourself.

“You should go. I’m gonna call an engineer for the vent, wouldn’t want anyone to see you in here,” you called over your shoulder, still refusing to make eye contact.

“Right. Wouldn’t want anyone to see us,” he scoffed, and when you turned around, it was with narrowed eyes of your own.

“No, I wouldn’t. Unlike you, I’ve still got a respect for regulations that don’t involve our sick bay.”

“Is that all you care about, then? Regulations?”

His pants were already on, pulled up with enough indignation that you had to roll your eyes again, yanking up your shorts with matched intensity.

“Excuse me? No, Dr. McCoy, I care about my job. Believe it or not, between the two of us, I do think I’m more likely to get punished for this little thing we have going on,” you snapped, “and I would like to keep my position on a starship for a little while longer.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” His voice was well above normal decibel now, a hand pulling through his wet hair. “You sayin’ I would leave you out to dry?”

“I’m saying only one of us is close personal friends with the captain of the Enterprise, Leonard. Whether you like it or not, that’s how politics work. The ones with connections get protected.” Your eyes closed, your hands clenching into fists as you felt memories wash over you, your first posting playing in your mind.

“Y/N, I wouldn’t do that.” His blue shirt was on now, a bit wrinkled, but otherwise without any obvious signs of wear. Easy enough to explain. “And Jim wouldn’t let that happen, you know that!”

When you opened your eyes again, he was dressed – he was Dr. Leonard McCoy, chief medical officer of the Starship Enterprise, and you… well. You were just a nurse, weren’t you?

“No, Dr. McCoy,” you said with a sigh, voice small, tired. “That’s not something I know at all.”

His eyes got big then tightly closed, a hand coming up to pinch at the bridge of his nose, a headache fighting him, surely. Another time you would’ve offered him a water, something oral he could take for the pain, but in that moment, you just felt a little empty and very ready for bed.

“Have a good mission,” you offered, as something like an olive branch. To keep the pain from being something that’d cause you both a nightmare at work. But when he nodded, he could barely look at you, and the door to your quarters slid shut in the silence.

-

“You wanna talk about it, Y/N?” Christine asked, as you laid back on her bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling as she got ready for her shift. When she saw you the day after your fight with Leo – well, with Dr. McCoy, she insisted on you coming over after your rotation.

“Talk about what?” you asked, before rolling so your face could be shoved into a pillow.

“I asked to be polite,” she shot back, and when you looked at her, her gaze was pointed. “What I should really say is that you’re going to talk about it, so you’ll feel better and so I can solve your problem.”

“I can solve my own problems,” you groaned out. But it was muffled enough that Christine could feign ignoring it when she came to sit next to you.

“I know that. But when you’re close to the situation it can be tough.”

Another groan.

“Y/N. I’m on your side. Talk to me,” Christine basically commanded, and with a peek out with one eye you rolled back on your back, huffing.

“I got into a fight with Dr. McCoy,” you got out, rubbing a hand over your face. Of course, Christine didn’t say anything, but she did seem to squint, pushing you on. “Before he left on his land mission with the usual crowd. He’d come over, we had sex, and afterwards when we were in the shower, he… said he’d miss me. While he was on the surface.”

There was no immediately reply. When you looked at her again, she seemed to be confused, confirmed by her glance up and down your body on her bed. “And the fight happened after that?”

“Yes.”

You described the situation. You talked about the way he looked at you, the way he touched you, and then the way he shot down anything more with a word. You talked about the way you questioned his feelings, the way you threw his position in his face, and the way he finished it all off by leaving without another word. By the time you were done, Christine’s face had gone through various versions of horrified, and your face was beet red with something like shame.

“So, a doctor and a nurse can’t talk to each other,” she started. “Sounds like the beginning to a bad joke.”

“No joke here,” you offered, swallowing tightly. “Just a big fucking mess. And now he’s on-planet, so I can’t… y’know. Do something sane like apologize.”

She hummed before standing up again, moving to a drawer to find a clean skirt to pull on. “Just overthink.”

A nod from you, and she hummed again, something that made you sit up, the pillow you’d interacted with before now pulled to your chest. “So. What can I do?”

And with a long look from her, she just sighed, sitting down so she could rest a hand over your fingers, giving them a loving pat even as she toed her shoes on.

“I think the first question is, Y/N – what do you want?”

-

The talk with Christine could only last so long. She had a shift to report to, and you had a shower that needed fixing, but even in a short amount of time Christine gave you a lot to think about. Something you pondered over for the next few days, as Leonard and the captain and the commander beamed up and down, back and forth, exploring a strange new world.

That left you a lot of time to think about what you wanted.

You wanted Leonard. Christine didn’t need to tell you that much. But you wanted more than the routine. More than the fucking whenever schedules could allow. You wanted more than moments stolen away and nights apart. You wanted to know him. You wanted to listen to him ramble about the horrors of intergalactic travel and rave about Jim Kirk and rant about the stupidity of the bridge crew. You wanted to see that smirk that sent chills up your spine and that smile that left you feeling warm.

Hell, you wanted more.

But, of course, when you figured it out, well. That’s when it all went to shit. Three days after Leonard left your quarters, to be precise.  

“Bones!”

The captain’s nickname, usually full of teasing and life, sounded like it was ripped out of him, like the pain of saying it almost outweighed what happened. Your fingers were busy running scans over Scotty, who had half a swollen face and a steadily rising heart rate, and the soundtrack to you shooting him up with diphenhydramine was the sound of Leonard’s groans, the kind that made your blood run cold. The only reason you heard them was because Commander Spock had an open channel between here and the surface, and he was prepping to beam down again.

“Did you see what you got slashed by?” you urged, forcing Scotty to focus on you as you did your best to stifle the bleeding with some clean gauze over the spot. “Scotty, tell me, what’s going on down there?”

“It was a trap,” he got out, his words thick as one side of his mouth was prohibiting movement due to the swelling. “Jim and the doctor got the brunt of it. We just… we just thought…” he mumbled, and you called out for another nurse as he began to tumble forward.

“Get him to a biobed, and keep that gauze on him!” you ordered, watching as the other nurse helped Scotty limp over to a free space. “I’ll prep the fluids.”

The whole ship was on red alert. Captain Kirk was getting ambushed, and for some reason hadn’t been beamed back aboard. But all you could think about was Leonard. Down there, obviously hurt, and you couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

It scared you. It really, really scared you.

“Nurse,” Commander Spock called out, and you turned to face him, realizing you’d frozen in your spot, the bag of fluids for Scotty still in your hands. “From what I saw before arriving back on the ship, we’ll need an osteo-regenerator and a blood transfusion when I return. Do we have types that match for the captain and the chief medical officer?”

“We’ve got O- for both,” you responded, before rushing to Scotty to give the nurse attending to him the fluids he needed. “Who else is on the surface?”

“After the last round, no one. We’re lucky the degree of injuries was not more serious, considering their advanced weaponry.”

You glanced around at the medbay, a good proportion of the biobeds filled and medical staff filling the place to capacity, treating the wide array of pain. “Yeah. Lucky. I’ll have two biobeds waiting.”

Another moan, from the communicator, one that made your heart stop. Your hand reached up to rest on your chest, swallowing tightly as you thought about Leonard in that much pain.

And after Spock left, leaving you to rush to assist the doctors as they began move from bed to bed, it was all you could think about. Almost all of your regenerators were in use, and your tricorders were buzzing like nobody’s business, but the noise was nothing compared to the pounding of your heart, the thought of him dying down there.

And then, you heard it. Another groan of pain, Captain Kirk’s panicked voice as they began their movement towards the beds awaiting them.

“God… goddammit…”

“Sulu, get us out of here now!”

“Aye, Captain!”

They seemed to stumble around the corner, and when the arrived, three nurses could help support their weight. The Captain’s upper arm looked like it had a bite taken out of it, and his cheek was marred with what looked like slashes, but Leonard… oh, Leonard.

“What happened?” you breathed out, your eyes widening in horror.

His leg was broken. That much was clear, and the angle made you sick, the way the bone seemed to show through the damage. But what was much worse was the stab wound to the gut, sluggishly dripping blood through his own fingers as he tried to staunch the flow.

When his eyes seemed to scan the room, he barely seemed in it, and when they met yours, something seemed to come over him. “Y/N,” he groaned, coughing as he was lifted and laid onto the bed waiting him. “Y/N, I – I need to… tell you…”

“Leonard, I need you to save your strength, okay? Oh, god, we’re gonna need more blood,” you called out, and another nurse scurried away, Dr. M’Benga coming alongside you to assess the situation.

“Nurse Y/L/N,” he commanded, “and Nurse Chapel! We need to focus on the stomach wound, I’m worried about what could be perforated. Dr. McCoy, this is Dr. M’Benga, can you hear me?”

“Computer, raise the lights over biobed seven 15%!” Christine yelled out, her own face pale, but focused. “Let’s get him oxygen, his sats are below 85!”

“Heart rate is 140, BP is dropping. We need fluid replacement and two IVs placed, stat!” you cried.

“Y/N… please…”

“Let’s prep the crash cart.”

“I need a suture and a drainage set.”

“What does that reading say? Bump the O2 two liters.”

“Y/N…”

But he could only look at you, even as his eyes seemed to close, even as the world seemed to fade away. Your eyes were starting to blur with tears, but you blinked them away – you had a job to do, and that job was keeping him here, and alive, and safe. “Leonard, I swear to God, you are not dying on me now. Not now, not ever, you hear me? Leonard. Leonard? … no.

No.

Leonard!”

-

Somehow, he pulled through. Somehow, Dr. Leonard McCoy didn’t die that day. Somehow, all he’d walk away with was a scar on his stomach and a few rounds of bone regeneration scheduled throughout the following week. He stayed unconscious for a good chunk of that time, but between the moments awake the crew marveled at the resilience of their chief medical officer.

“There’s… there’s no way Bones could die on a starship, y’know?” Captain Kirk told you, as you both lingered by his bedside. “He stayed alive out of spite.” His voice seemed a little thick, but you didn’t mention it, just smiled weakly at him as you held his hand,.

And when it was just you and him, and his eyes were closed and his breathing was steady, you stuck around. The other nurses whispered and the other officers raised a brow, but you barely noticed.

A mission. One mission, and that could’ve been it. That’s all you could think about it, and as you sat by his side, your shifts for once coming second, you found yourself thanking whatever you could think of that it wasn’t over.

“Oh, Leonard.”

Your hands enclosed around one of his. He spent more time with his eyes open than closed nowadays, but when his eyes were open you often excused yourself, giving him time with Jim and the bridge crew. You took your step back, just knowing he was calling to you as he lay on that fucking bed, and when his eyes closed again you resumed your place, sitting back and watching or keeping his fingers warm.

One day, about two weeks into his recovery, your replicated coffee was the only thing keeping you on your feet when you felt a tap on your shoulder. When you turned around, you were shocked to find the captain, now more like an acquaintance, rather than another nurse. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Oh. Hello, Captain. Did you need something?”

“Nothing personally,” he replied with a small smile, but his hands were clasped behind his back now. “It’s Bones. He’s asking for you.”

You felt your heart begin racing, and the mug in your hands was held with white knuckles. “Oh. Is that right?”

“Yeah.”

There was a brief pause, and you found yourself staring at your coffee, mouth open with words you weren’t sure how to say. “Captain… I – I don’t know if it’s a good idea. The last time we talked…”

“Please, call me Jim,” the man asked, lifting a hand to stop you. “And… look. Y/N. I know what happened, all right? Between the two of you.”

“Oh. That’s… that’s… uh.” As you stared up at him your mind began to race, your coffee lifted just so you could have something to do, but his eyes didn’t pull away from yours, his mouth twisted into something… pensive.

What could you say? What could you even dare to say, knowing that he knew everything? that surely this was the last step in the road? “Look, Captain,” you finally said, voice low, “I can… I can resign, if that’s what you want. I understand, what we did, it was unprofessional, and I take full –“

“What?”

When you blinked, coming back to your senses, the captain looked horrified, like you’d grown a second head, and you found your hands lifting in surrender.

“I do. I take full responsibility, and if you want to transfer me to another ship, I understand.”

“What? No, no, Y/N. Stop. I don’t want your resignation. I just wanted to say that I think you and Bones should give it another go.”

Now it was your turn to look shocked, mouth agape as you lowered your coffee and stared at him, wondering where his second head would shoot from.

“You don’t – you don’t want my resignation?”

“Why would I want your resignation? Bones himself said you’re one of the best nurses on the crew. Why would I turn you away?”

Your mind was thrown back to your quarters, to the way Bones looked at you. That same horrified expression, at the idea of turning his back on you.

“It’s… it’s happened before. With a boss. I won’t get into details, but. Let’s just say my previous job wasn’t as great as this one is.”

If someone asked you to name one way to get Jim Kirk mad, well. Informing him that one of his crew had gotten royally screwed over by their previous boss was a pretty sure shot. The guy looked like he was going to punch someone, or more specifically, find the right person to punch.

“Look, Y/N, if you need me to direct this ship anywhere specific…”

“No!” It shocked a laugh out of you, the captain’s sudden fierceness, and you found yourself laughing almost too loudly, like after two weeks of pain the laughter had been pent up within you. You ended it with a smile, and wiping at your eyes. “No, it’s not – it’s over. It’s in the past, I promise. It’s what I was expecting, that’s all. To… to lose this. Thank you, Captain, for the offer, but. The past is best left in the past.”

There was a brief moment when the Captain looked like he had half a mind to ignore you, but thankfully, after five terrifying seconds, he nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. “All right. Well. No accidental murders today. But, look, ou should talk to him. To Bones. Something tells me he’s not gonna stop sending me to get you until you show up when he’s awake.”

“Right.” Your stomach churned, for a second, but the Captain – Jim – looked so earnest. Like he always did. So sincere. “Okay. I’ll head over.”

“You want me to walk you?”

Selfless. Considerate. You began to see the hype around Jim Kirk, and for the second time in that conversation, you smiled.

“Thank you, Jim. But I think it’s better if I go alone.”

-

When you pulled aside the privacy curtain, Leonard was very much awake, as well as proving why doctors made the worst patients.

His thin blanket was thrown aside, on to the ground, and Christine looked like she was about two more minutes away from reporting a murder in the medical bay. Leonard, on the other hand, barely had her in mind as he yelled in a voice rough from a period of disuse, sitting on the edge of his biobed, ready to jump ship. His hair was ragged around the edges, and his five o’clock shadow had grown out to a full beard, unkempt and scratched at as he moved. “Nurse Chapel, I am telling you, if I spend one more goddamn night here, I am gonna lose it. How the hell else am I supposed to rehabilitate this leg if you won’t even let me walk from here to the goddamn door?”

“Dr. McCoy, I am begging you to please wait until I have the wheelchair ready for you. The regenerated bone still needs time to adjust, and your dermatological regen hasn’t even finished yet. Not to mention you’re definitely not strong enough to travel anywhere on your own,” she stated plainly, arms crossed over her chest.  

“I can live with a scar, Nurse Chapel, and I sure as hell ain’t a goddamn foal,” the man started again, reaching for the edge of the biobed. As he did, you watched his blood pressure drop from the position change, and with a sigh you moved to be in perfect catching position. “Lord knows I’m a doctor and not a fuckin’ physical therapist, but I’m telling you I can at least walk right over there to where the door is and make it back to my own… goddamn… bed…”

As he began to sway, you moved forward to lean him back in the bed, smiling at Christine as she came about his other side to rearrange his legs, covering him back up with the blanket.

“Well, looks like I came just in time,” you said with a smirk, and when you looked up at Christine she was laughing.

“And it looks like you’ve got him handled for the moment. I need to prep his next round of hypos, he’s still on some antibiotics after those open wounds,” she explained, glaring at the patient, who had recovered from his bout of dizziness and found himself looking up at you. And only you, since Christine walked out and closed the curtain behind her, leaving the two of you alone.

“Y/N,” Leonard said, his voice softer now that he was calmed, your hands moving over him and adjusting his blanket. His eyes hadn’t met yours yet, but you could feel them on you as you pulled back from fidgeting with it. “You’re here.”

“You did want the captain to come find me, right?” you asked, biting your lower lip as you glanced toward the door. “If you need someone else, I can go track them down…”

But before you could even think about taking a step, his head was shaking, those brilliant eyes looking up at you from his supine position, those dark brows furrowed as he looked you over. “There’s no one else, Y/N. He got the right gal.”

You could only nod, swallowing, glancing down at the bandages you could see the outline of through the blanket.

Leonard followed your gaze, and his eyes narrowed when he saw what you were looking at, tilting his head to the side so he didn’t have to look for too long. It was a bad memory, that only made the breakthrough pain worse. “They’re mainly for support, now, but… it wasn’t good, how I ended up.”

“I know, doc,” you whispered. “I was there.”

But what the both of you really knew, as you stood beside his bed, was the dance you two were managing to avoid the real conversation. The one that had your hands wringing just out of his line of sight, the one that had his head beginning to ache.

“I can… start us off,” Leonard offered, but you shook your head, eyes closing tight.

“No!” Your voice was desperate, and he just gaped, watching you shake your heard. “No, I owe you an explanation. And you… deserve one, after what I said.” With a soft sigh, you settled in the seat next to the biobed, one hand squeezing your own knee.

But. Where to start.

“The last time… I was in a relationship – a real relationship, I guess – was about a year and a half ago,” you sighed. Your eyes were open, but you didn’t look at Leonard, didn’t watch his lips curl into a frown, didn’t watch his fingers tap on the sheets. Instead, you stared straight ahead, finding yourself lost in the memories.

“He was a doctor, at the hospital I worked at. It was a Federation hospital, with direct ties to Starfleet, so we saw a lot of more serious cases, especially with the Academy basically on our doorstep. It was… my dream, to work there, basically since I left school. My mother had been treated there my entire life, and Starfleet was more of a path to that dream, treating cadets off-mission than anything. A fantastic research and teaching hospital working with the Federation, one that wasn’t in ship?”

Your hands were still wringing, and as you glanced at Leonard, he seemed to be listening, breathing steady.

“When I started working there, though, I realized how relentless it was. How anyone would do anything to get over anyone else. And the doctor. He – he was incredible.” You managed a smile, but it was sad around the edges, even as you let out a little chuckle. “Witty, and funny, and incredibly talented, and when I got to know him that’s all I saw. The wit, and the humor. But as we got closer, and more involved, I started to see more. I saw behind what he showed his patients, and the other nurses, I saw – well, I saw the mistrust of patient reports, I saw the ego, and… well. I saw the danger he was putting himself in, and his coworkers, not to mention those he cared for. We began to fight, and he would make me swear not to tell anyone, saying that it would ruin his career, and that if I did it… well. He’d make sure I’d pay.”

Your hands were fists now, apart, the knuckles so white it ached. You didn’t even notice Leonard’s hand on top of yours until you felt the warmth, let it leech into your joints.

“I thought I had loved him, I really did, but the things he was doing. It was more than just snagging a narcotic hypo. He would ignore real concerns of his patients because he just didn’t care for them. And then when I’d bring it up, angry and frustrated at unnecessary pain and consequences, he’d brush it off. He thought he was invincible.” Your nails were digging into your palms again, and you huffed, shaking your head.

“So, I turned him in, to the hospital. Called his bluff. I showed them the notes he was making in his paper files, I had evidence for everything. I figured that maybe he’d get punished, and after… it’d all be okay. But.”

“Y/N,” Leonard murmured, but you shook your head.

“By the time I turned him in he’d already prepped his whole story. And, what’s more, he had a fall guy. Me. So, when I turned in all the proof, they laughed in my face, and then – and then…”

“They kicked you out. On the curb,” he supplied, and you nodded.

“I almost got my license revoked for the shit they accused me of. But, thankfully, the worst punishment I got was transferring. And then I met you…”

“And it felt like it all over again?”

He thankfully didn’t mention the tears in your eyes as you finished, or the way you wiped them away as you shook your head.

“Not even close! It’s… it’s different here. Everyone on this ship is incredible, and the whole staff here was kind, and considerate. And you were abrasive, sure, but… I just felt like I had to prove myself. And so, after a year, when you stumbled onto me and Christine, I just – I just needed to prove I was competent. And then when it started to become more than just sex, I – I got scared.”

“Y/N,” Leonard whispered, and you stood up, gripping his hand now, managing to smile at him as you did.

“I know you’re not him.” You squeezed his fingers, and he squeezed yours back, but you were already pushing forward, eyes closed tightly. “I know that. But I just got so worried that I would – I would find out that this awesome doctor, that loves his patients, that cares for them, didn’t care about me. And I’d get duped again.”

There was silence. The sound of the machines, the whirr of the biobed as it took another reading for Leonard’s vitals, but when you opened your eyes to look at him, he was staring right back, something like a shine in his eyes as well.

“Darlin’,” he whispered. “You’re an incredible nurse. A badass healer. And more than that, I – goddammit, I care about you. More than you could ever know. Hell, when I first kissed you, I knew that you were special. You’re not just competent, you’re outstanding.”

“Leonard,” you breathed, but he squeezed your fingers again, pulling them to his lips with a huff.

“Y/N. When I was on that god-forsaken planet, you know the last person I thought of, the last moment I had in my mind?”

You shook your head, but he was already smiling, lost in his own thoughts.

“You. You, whirling around on me in the bay, pointing your finger, kissing me. You, taking care of patients. You, you, and you, and all that we had. All that we have. And I thought to myself, that if I stayed alive, I would head back to that starship and beg her for more.”

That got a laugh out of you, wet with tears and heavy with exhaustion, but you laughed, and you laughed, and you leaned your head down to rest it on his chest, something like peace overwhelming you as his lips pressed into your hair.

“I want more, too, Leonard,” you finally whispered, and when you pulled your head back it was to see the way his smile looked before you kissed it off of him.

-

“So,” Jim started, sliding off of his biobed as he watched you and Leonard, well, show off some PDA once Bones was back on his feet. It was more subtle than it could’ve been, his hand resting on the small of your back, your heads together as you looked over scheduling for the next week. “They finally fix things?”

“About a week late in noticing, but yeah. That’s what it looks like,” Christine offered, barely glancing up as she offered a hypospray for pain to one of the yeoman who’d been down to offer some sort of backup to a brawl in the engineering bay.

“Huh.” The captain stared for a moment, before shaking his head, letting out a little chuckle. “Well. Good for them. Bones wouldn’t ever shut up about her.”

Christine managed a little laugh herself. “Oh, don’t worry. That was mutual. I can’t believe they survived this long without making out in his office.”

That made him wince. “Chris, please tell me the biobeds were not involved.”

Which made her laugh even harder. “Don’t worry, Captain. We disinfect after each use.”

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Love and Cat Pee - Leonard McCoy x Reader

Words: 1952 Pairing: Leonard McCoy x Reader Warnings: None, just a lot of fluff.

A/N: My Tag list is old. Please tell me, if you want to be removed! Some of you seem to have changed their usernames so I’m sorry if I didn’t tag you in this story. Tell me if you want to be added <3

Some days, being able to work on the Enterprise was the best thing that ever happened to you. You got to travel, see new planets, and meet people from all over the universe.

On other days, being able to work on the Enterprise made you wish you had stayed back on Earth in your hometown, working in your family’s little shop, instead of almost dying 200 light years away because you accidentally drank from a wrong glass.

Today was one of those days.

“Sit her down over there,” Captain Kirk ordered and two Security officers grabbed you under your arms, helping you sit down on a bench. “Kirk to Enterprise. Enterprise, please come in.”

“Enterprise. Scott here.” You heard a faint voice coming from Kirk’s communicator.

“Scotty, be prepared to beam Lieutenant Y/L/N up. And tell Doctor McCoy to get ready to treat a patient with Ladocsris poisoning.” After Mr. Scott acknowledged, he closed the communicator and looked down at you, frowning. “How are you feeling, Lieutenant?”

“Horrible, Captain” you managed to get out. You writhed in pain, arms tightly clutching to your side. It felt like someone had stabbed you with a burning hot knife right in your stomach and now continued to twist it around. “Am I dying?” you asked with gritted teeth.

Kirk shook his head. “You’re not going to die from this.” He suppressed a chuckle and shook his head. “Why the hell would you drink that, Lieutenant?”

“Certainly not because I wanted to spend my day in sickbay!” You wiped away sweat that had formed on your forehead. “Excuse me, Captain, but – fuck!” Another wave of pain washed over you.

The Enterprise had delivered some medical supplies to this planet and as a thank you, the crew was invited to join their Spring Festival. Because the ship was on a tight schedule, a landing party consisting of only six people beamed down to avoid coming across as disrespectful. At one point, you were all offered drinks. There were two different glasses on the table. You didn’t correctly understand which one you should take and since everyone was involved in conversations, you didn’t want to interrupt and ask. So you just took one.

Kirk looked at you sympathetically when you closed your eyes in pain. “Do you know what it was?”

“What?”

“The drink.”

“No, why?” You opened your eyes in suspicion.

“Well,” he looked down to hide the obvious amusement in his eyes. “They have this giant cat-like animal on the planet. It’s a sign of fertility because …. because its urine is basically the best fertilizer you can get.”

You stared at him, words slowly starting to make sense in your head.

After a few seconds, he continued. “Even though it’s not meant for drinking, they still collect it for their Spring Festival. It’s like a … religious thing.”

“You mean … You mean, I just drank …”

Kirk nodded.

What happened next was probably the worst thing you had experienced since the day you started working for Starfleet. You felt it coming up in your throat but it was too late - with a groan you leaned forward and vomited. All over your Captain.

***

When you woke up again, the pain was gone. It was replaced with a slight dizziness and a faint headache.

You tried to sit up, realizing you were in sickbay. Oh, you hated it here. That’s why you had become an expert of skipping annual exams and basically coming here at all. Not because you were afraid of them, no, that wasn’t it. Simply, because since day one you had the biggest crush possible on one particular Doctor – and you didn’t know how to deal with it. At all.

“Don’t get up just yet.”

Speaking of the devil.

Doctor McCoy appeared from behind a curtain. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” you mumbled, avoiding eye contact. Of all the professionals working here, he had to treat you? “Just a headache.”

He nodded. “That’s normal. The heada-“

“Oh, she’s awake!” Christine Chapel interrupted. Apparently she was on the way somewhere, carrying various blood samples in her hands, on her face a big grin. “You’re feeling better?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, slightly confused.

“That’s good to hear!” The grin didn’t fade when she walked away.

Furrowing your eyebrow, you looked over to McCoy. He kept his eyes locked on a hypo in his hands but you didn’t miss the amused sparkle in his eyes.

“What is it?”

“Mh?” The doctor cleared his throat, injecting you with the hypo. “The headache should disappear within a few hours. I will keep you here for a bit longer and run another test but I believe you should be fine.”

Another nurse kept passing by, nodding at you with a big wide smile. Ignoring what McCoy had just said, you answered: “I’d like to think everyone is just really happy to see me here but I’m sensing it’s something different.”

“I don’t know, maybe it has to do with you vomiting all over our Captain,” McCoy said casually and shrugged. “Just an idea.”

Oh fuck, was the only thought running through your mind when you suddenly remembered.

“Ugh,” you let out a loud groan and dramatically placed your hand over your eyes. Why did those things always happen to you?

On the last mission, you had accidentally pushed Chekov into a lake with a reddish color which resulted in him having a weird rash all over his body for two weeks and red hair. Now you not only drank something you wasn’t supposed to and probably sabotaged the whole shore leave, you decided to throw up on Kirk afterwards.

“I sabotaged the whole mission,” you scolded. “Fuck!”

“Watch your language in my sickbay. I’m the only one allowed to curse here.” The doctor was still standing in front of you when you removed your hand from your eyes. “Now stop being so dramatic, that corn-fed goblin –“

“Corn-fed goblin?” You interrupted.

“Yes.”

“I thought it was green-blooded goblin and corn-fed idiot.”

“Sometimes I like to vary a little with my insults.” He gave you a half smile before continuing. “The Captain will be fine. Jim had worse things on his body than vomit. Believe me.”

You frowned. “Do I wanna know?”

“No.”

A sigh escaped your lips. “I still have to apologize though.”

“Probably.” He turned to his instruments, shuffling things a little while you stared at the ceiling. “The crew won’t let you live that down, be prepared for that.”

You made an indefinable sound.

“I won’t either.”

Great. As if the embarrassment hadn’t already reached its highest point for this month.

“One of the security guards has also the opinion that you could’ve turned away if you wanted to. Now people are wondering why you didn’t do it.”

“How do you even know so much gossip?”

He shrugged. “My nurses talk a lot.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “Why I did it?” You scoffed. “Oh I don’t fucking know – excuse my language – maybe because I felt like it. Or maybe it was just me trying to get here so I can confess my love to you!”

Doctor McCoy put down the instruments and turned around again. “Well, was it?”

Realizing what you had just said, you kept your eyes locked on the ceiling. “No!” You denied, with probably a bit too much force in your voice. “Of course not. I mean. No.” You felt heat rising to your cheeks.

“Right,” the man replied. You didn’t see the smile on his lips. “Maybe I’ll just let you rest for a while, alright?”

“Maybe my headache will actually disappear then, Doctor.”

He left with a chuckle.

***

You weren’t able to sleep after he had left, so for another hour you were just staring at the wall, listening to regular beeping noise coming from the instruments.

You weren’t sure which event of the day was the worst but the more time you were thinking about it, probably the latter. He knew. He wasn’t supposed to know but now he did and you a part of you was – aside from being embarrassed – terrified. Yes, you had a crush on him but it was the kind of crush where you just admired him from afar. Nothing would happen between the two of you. But now that it had slipped from your mouth, it was real.

“I brought you something.” The curtain got pulled away and McCoy came in.

Oh no.

You lifted your head from the pillow. He was holding a small cup, which he placed on the small table next to the bed. A delicious smell ascended from it.

“My favorite tea?” You asked him a bit puzzled.

“Yes,” he smiled at you.

“How do you know?”

“You always drink it.” He simply said.

“You noticed?” A warm feeling began to spread in your stomach.

The doctor nodded.

“Well, thank you.” You took a sip of the tea. It was still hot, but not hot enough to burn your tongue. Just perfect.

“So about earlier –“

You almost choked on the liquid. “Please, don’t. I’ve been humiliated enough for one day.”

“I know,” McCoy chuckled. “That’s why I wanted to ask –“

“What?”

“Damn, you really need to stop interrupting people.” He shook his head.

“Sorry, please finish,” you mumbled and lifted the cup to your lips again.

“I wanted to ask if you’d like to have dinner with me tomorrow. Dinner as in … a date.”

This time you choked for real. You started coughing and Leonard was luckily fast enough to get the cup from your hands before you spilled hot tea all over yourself.

“So is that a yes?” He asked when you calmed down and were able to breath normally again.

You stared at him with mixed emotions, not quite believing that Leonard McCoy actually asked you out. Goddamnit, you were acting like a lovestruck teenage girl not like a full grown human and Starfleet member. “Yes.”

“Fantastic!” There it was again – the smile that Leonard McCoy almost never showed. It lit up the whole room, you thought. “Normally I’d take it slow and wait for a few more days before doing what I’m about to do next but you have already confessed your love for me so –“

“Oh, please stop it!”

“– so there’s no real reason to wait,” he finished his sentence with a smile. McCoy took a step forward so that he was now standing directly next to your sickbed.

“Wait for what?” You asked furrowing your brows. He already asked you out on a date. There was really nothing more he could do to make this day any better.

Slowly Leonard leaned down towards you and before you realized what was happening, you felt his lips on yours. The kiss was slow and tender and made you feel dizzy. His lips were soft, much softer than expected, and you wanted to melt when you felt his hand cupping your cheek. Apparently there was something he could to make this day any better. Two seconds later, the kiss was over. Leonard pulled away and looked at you lovingly. You were out of breath.

Suddenly his smile vanished and he grimaced.

You felt your stomach plummet. What happened? Were you that bad? Did he already regret asking you out and kissing you? “Did I do something wrong?” You asked, your voice barely audible.

“No, no, darlin’,” he reassured her quickly and lifted his hand to his mouth. “The kiss was … something else.”

“But?”

“But I think I can still taste a hint of that cat pee drink on your lips.”

***

My Masterlist

Send me a message if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! Tag list: @goingknowherewastaken , @waitingforthestarstofall , @imoutofmyvulcanmind , @whatif-animagineblog​ , @loverbug1123​ 

[brideofedoras]

Hungry Eyes

Disclaimer: the usual

Word count: 3900+

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Head injury, terrible flirting, amusing reaction to medication, concussion and old-fashioned doctoring

Notes: I struggled for a few months writing this one.  Yesterday I finally found my muse and it totally got away with me.  I wanted to incorporate a birthday in it, since thefanficfaerie just celebrated hers and I will be celebrating mine this Friday!  It’s a long one!  Enjoy!

**Accidentally posted to my main blog, which is still flagged as “sensitive (stupid tumblr!).  Reposting here so no one has issues reading!  

Hungry Eyes (Star Trek AOS Leonard McCoy x female Reader)

“McCoy to Enterprise, Scotty, do you read me?”  Leonard paced ten steps further away from the cave he’d found and tried again.  “McCoy to-- dammit!  If anyone can hear me, this is McCoy.  Ensign Y/L/N and I are still stuck on this godforsaken rock, Y/L/N has a head injury that needs immediate medical attention and I’m not liking the looks of the purple clouds building on the horizon!”  He snapped the communicator shut and shoved it in his pocket before stalking back to the cave.  “No luck, Darlin’,” he sighed heavily, ducking down  to avoid hitting his head on the low overhang.  “Looks like we’re stuck.”

Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut.  She groaned.  “I’ve had worse birthdays,” she said after a moment.  She shifted on the hard ground and whined when pain shot through her head from the movement.

Leonard dropped to his knees beside her.  “Today’s your birthday?”  His brow furrowed over his hazel eyes as he fished his tricorder from his pocket to run another scan.  

She nodded.  “Uh-huh,” she opened her eyes to look up at him despite the blinding pain shooting through her head from the gesture.  “If I’m stranded on a strange planet on my birthday, I’m glad I’m stranded with you,” she managed a weak smile.

The doctor grabbed his bag where he’d set it by her booted feet.  “Sugar, I don’t know if I’d count that as a good thing,” he warned as he pulled out his medkit and popped it open.  He grabbed a hypospray, “I’m the worst person to be stranded with.”

Y/N watched him load the device.  “You’ve been the perfect companion so far,” she squeezed her eyes shut when his fingertips grazed her neck.  

He snorted.  “I dragged you out of that ravine, field-dressed your head, carried you over my shoulder up another damned hill and made you lay down on this damp, hard ground.  Hardly the perfect companion, Sweetheart.”

“You did what you had to do to get me to a safe location and call for transport,” she flinched when he administered the hypo.  She sighed when he began to massage the injection site.  “How long before it kicks in?”

“Shouldn’t take too long,” He pulled his hand away.  “Once it kicks in I’ll stitch up that gash on your forehead.  I’d rather do it in my Medbay in a sterile environment, but I can’t risk infection setting in if I don’t act now.”

She frowned and whined again in pain.  “Owww…  You didn’t give me pain medication?”

“I did, before I dragged you out of that ravine,” he frowned back.  “This is a local anesthetic.”

“A local…”  Her eyes widened.  “If…  If I say something weird or do something weird, I apologize now,” she reached up to cover her face.  “I don’t handle any anesthetic very well…”

Leonard’s eyes narrowed as he caught her hands.  “Don’t touch your forehead, Sweetheart.  Now, what do you mean you don’t handle anesthetic very well?”  His eyes searched hers.  He reached for the medkit to grab the penlight he kept in there.

“Your eyes are so beautiful,” she sighed.  

He looked up sharply.  “Hell,” he muttered under his breath.  “This wasn’t in your medical records…”

“Not allergic, just…  you’re really sexy when you frown like that,” she smiled.  “Everyone else finds it scary… not me.  I really like it.”

“Dammit all to hell,” he swore quietly.  “All right, can you feel anything?”

“I feel all floaty,” her eyes slid shut.  “Am I dreaming?”

“Maybe,” he muttered.  “Sweetheart, I’m going to shine this light in your eyes.  I need to check your pupils.” “Nothin’ wrong with my eyes, Dr. McCoy, I can see just fine,” she murmured.  “You get this dimple when you frown, right here,” she reached up and nearly smacked his nose when she tried to touch the divot between his eyebrows.  “It’s adorable.”

Leonard could not help but chuckle at her.  “That’s one word nobody has ever used to describe anything about me, Sweetheart,” he admitted.  

“They’re idiots, every last one of ‘em.”

“Keep your eyes on that dimple, this light is bright, but I gotta check,” he warned. 

“Okay.”

He turned on the light and quickly shined it in her right eye, then the left.  Her pupils did not constrict.  His frown deepened.  “All done, Sweetheart,” he turned off the light and tucked it away.  “No promises, but I am going to try to be as gentle as I can stitchin’ ya up.”

“‘Kay…  If we were home… would you just use the dermal?”

“Not yet,” he shook his head.  “Cut’s a little too deep for the regen, Y/N.  I’d still stitch it up.  The dermal would be to further advance the healing and lessen the chances of scarring.”

“You have a scar,” she reached up again to touch his chin and the scar below his lip.  “Right here.  Scars are sexy.”

“No, they’re not,” he groaned at her soft, uncoordinated touch.  He gently caught her hand and lowered it to her stomach.  “Can you keep your hands to yourself so I can stitch you up?”

“I don’t know about that…” she sighed.  “How’d you get that scar?”

He groaned.  “I’ll tell you about it as I stitch you up, how’s that?  I’m gonna try to comm the Enterprise again before I start, though.  Sit tight.”

“Not goin’ anywhere,” her speech slurred slightly as he stood up.

“I know, Sweetheart,” he shot her a worried frown before turning away.

He stalked out of the cave as he pulled his communicator out of his pocket.  “McCoy to Enterprise.”

“Bones!”  Jim’s voice crackled and faded slightly.  “We’ve-- trying-- comm you-- we lost your --nal!”

“Slow down, Kid, you’re breaking up,” Leonard paced further from the cave’s mouth until the unit stopped crackling.  “Ensign Y/L/N and I are holed up in a cave at the moment.  She’s got a head injury I need to stitch up and a concussion on top of it.”

“Shit.”  

“Yeah,” he echoed Jim’s sentiment.  “Transporter down?”

“Yeah, Scotty’s working on it,” the captain relayed.  “Could be hours.  I’d send a shuttle, but Spock doesn’t like the looks of that storm brewing.”

“I’ve seen worse,” the doctor eyed the swirling purple clouds.  

“Doctor, we do not have any data on storms for this planet,” Spock’s voice chimed in.

He rolled his eyes.  “I’d rather not risk a shuttle anyway, with Y/N’s concussion.  Does Scotty have a time frame?”

“No,” Jim groaned.  “I’m hoping it won’t be all night, Bones.”

“If it is, I’m somewhat prepared,” he grimaced, looking over his shoulder toward the cave.  “You always give me crap about keeping my medkit and mission bag stocked up with more than what I could possibly need, but Y/N will be thanking me for it later.”

“How bad is it, Bones?”

He snorted.  “You remember how drunk the kid across the hall in the dorm got from one glass of Saurian brandy?”

“Half a glass, he was butchering ‘Tubthumping’,” Jim chuckled.  

“Y/N can’t handle a local anesthetic…” he trailed off when he heard something coming from the cave.  “Shit, she’s singing now,” he groaned.

“What was she doing before?”

“Flirting.”

“Ensign Y/L/N doesn’t flirt,” the captain sounded amused.  “She gets tongue-tied around you, Bones.”

“I know,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.  “She’s either going to forget all about this, with the concussion, or she’s going to remember it all and avoid me like the plague out of sheer embarrassment.”

“Out of curiosity, what’s she singing?”

Leonard rolled his eyes.  “Sounds like an old Earth song,” he moved closer to the cave and strained to listen.  “Can’t believe I’m doing this…”

“Get close enough so I can hear it,” Jim told him.

“With these hungry eyes… one look at you and I can’t disguise, I’ve got hungry eyes…  I feel the magic between you and I…”

Laughter erupted from the comm.  

“What’s so damned funny, Kid?  She’s injured, she’s got a concussion, she’s having a reaction to the meds I gave her, and we’re stranded!”  Leonard barely reined in his temper.

“Song’s from an old movie, Dirty Dancing.  Nobody puts Baby in the corner?  Jo Jo loves it,” Jim explained.  “I… uh…  I teased Y/N about the way I caught her looking at you.  Told her she had hungry eyes.”

“You what?!?!?!”  the doctor exploded.  “Dammit, Jim!”

“Relax, Bones, all I said to her was ‘you’ve got hungry eyes’, I made sure no one heard me say it, and told her to stay safe on the mission.”

“What the hell does that even mean, hungry eyes?”

“She likes you.  She’s just too shy to do anything about it.  She still singing?”

“No,” Leonard frowned worriedly.  “I’ll check in once I’ve got her stitched up.  If Scotty gets that transporter fixed before I check in, tell him to not beam us up.”

“You got it.  Kirk out.”

He snapped the comm shut and jogged back into the cave.  “Sorry, Darlin’, transporters are still down and it looks like we might be here all night,” he kneeled down beside Y/N.  “Y/N?”  He took her face in his hands and brushed the tears away with his thumbs.  “No, no, Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“I thought you left me behind,” she sniffled.  “I’m sorry if I said anything embarrassing to you, I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Darlin’,” he shook his head.  “Let’s get you fixed up and settle in for a while.”

She nodded and groaned.  “I might throw up on you,” she warned.

“Wouldn’t be the first time anyone has,” he chuckled.  “My ex-wife threw up on me a few times.  She drank too much at a party in college, then morning sickness.  My daughter threw up on me a lot before we figured out the formula she was on irritated her stomach.  Jim’s puked on me a few times after a long night of partying.”  He pulled back.  “Let’s get you comfortable and cleaned up before I start stitching up your forehead.”

“Okay,” she sniffed.  “Can you… can you talk to me?  While you stitch me up?  I’ve… never had stitches and I’m scared,” she admitted.

“I promised I’d tell you how I got this scar, didn’t I?”  He smiled as he pointed to his chin.  He shifted back a little to unzip his flight suit.  He shrugged out of the sleeves and let the top fall before pulling off the long-sleeved black shirt he wore beneath it.  “Can’t have the cuffs of my sleeves contaminating the wound while I stitch ya up,” he explained.  He folded the shirt and leaned over her.  “I’m gonna slip this under your head for now.”

“Why can’t this be mandatory uniform?”  Y/N lightly tugged at the snug black tank top he had on.  “Better ‘n the tunics…”

“I’ll pass your recommendation along, Darlin’,” he felt his cheeks warm.  “It’s too cold on the ship, if you ask me.  Don’t know how you ladies handle wearin’ the dresses with the short sleeves all the time.”

“Tights and cardigans,” she closed her eyes.  “Commander Spock approved it for those of us who get cold easily.”

“Could be something as simple as a change in daily vitamin regimen, Darlin’,” he murmured, grabbing for his medkit.  He pulled out the mini sanitizing wand.  “Let’s get everything sterilized here.  Are ya still feelin’ numb?”

“Yeah,” she closed her eyes.  “Your voice is soothing…”

He smiled.  “Never been told that before, I’m accused of yelling most of the time.”

“At the captain and the engineers,” she nodded.  “You never yell at us scientists.”

“I never yell at the sensible ones,” he agreed, setting the wand back in the kit.  He grabbed the suture needle and suture thread.  “Tell me if you start to feel any pain, all right?  I can’t administer another anesthetic or pain hypo until these wear off, but I have something that will help.  I’m not supposed to have it, it’s against regulations, but I’ve got it labeled for medical use.”

“I’ve heard rumors of a flask of bourbon,” she grimaced.

“Not a drinker?”

“I prefer fruity flavored drinks.”

He frowned thoughtfully, storing that little bit of information away.  “Here we go,” he warned.  “About the scar on my chin…  I was ten at the time, in the fourth grade.  We had a new student transfer in after winter break.  Cute little brunette.  I wound up developing a huge crush on her.  But she never paid any attention to me.  Never looked my way, always just walked right by and ignored me.  One Friday afternoon it was warm out, the teacher decided to give the class a twenty minute break from learning and took us outside to the playground.  I very unwisely decided to show off and attempted a handstand on top of the jungle gym.  Ten feet off the ground, top of the damned slide.  One minute I’m balanced on my hands, arms shaking, the next I decide to attempt it with one hand… and I fall.  Busted my chin open on the slide, broke my arm when I tumbled off.  Mom about had a heart attack when she came to pick me up, and Dad… he just shook his head and asked if I got the girl’s attention.”

“Did you?”

He frowned at the subdued tone in Y/N’s voice.  “No.  We later found out she wasn’t interested in boys at all, she had a crush on my sister’s best friend.  Wouldn’t have done me any good anyway, my parents wouldn’t let me date until I got my license and a job.”  He grinned, “One good thing came out of trying to show off, though.”

“What’s that?”  She winced when he pushed the needle through for the seventh stitch.

“You all right, Darlin’?”

“I felt that one,” she admitted.

“Three more after this one, do you want to try the bourbon?”

She started to shake her head but stopped.  “N-no.”

“Okay.  Tell me if you change your mind,” he told her.  “Now, where was I…”

“What was the good thing about showing off?”  

“Ah…  That’s right.  My dad was a doctor, so Mom took me straight to the hospital where he worked.  Even though he couldn’t stitch me up himself he recorded it because he knew I was interested in following his footsteps.  Mom thought he lost his mind, but Dad pointed out that this might cement my decision one way or another on becoming a doctor.  Now, I’ll admit, I threw up the first time I watched the video.  Hell, I threw up when they set my arm before they put it in an air cast until I could be scheduled for surgery.  That was recorded, too.  Even though I threw up, I thought it was the neatest damned thing I’d ever seen and told my parents I definitely wanted to become a doctor.  I wanted to become a surgeon…  Sorry, Darlin’, one more stitch to go.”

“And now you’re the chief medical officer on the flagship of Starfleet,” she smiled.

“I am,” he nodded.  “I still perform surgeries as needed, but I get to do so much more than what I did when I was still in Georgia.  And I’m really glad I joined Starfleet.”  He finished off the last suture.  “There we go,” he murmured.

Y/N’s eyes slid shut.  “I’m glad you joined, too…”

Leonard fumbled as he dropped the needle, scissors and forceps into the medkit and grabbed the hypo and a vial containing antibiotics.  “One more hypo to fight off any possible infection,” he warned.  “Then I’ll wrap you up and comm the Enterprise once more.  Are you hurting?”

“Yeah… a little,” she admitted.  She whimpered when he administered the antibiotic.  

“I know, Sweetheart,” he massaged her neck.  “Want that bourbon now?”

“No.”

“Okay,” he grabbed the gauze.  “Can you sit up for me?”

Y/N shifted onto her elbows before groaning.  Leonard reached out and helped her sit up.  “There we go,” he steadied her.  “I’ll help you lay back down after I wrap your head.  Can you hold this in place for me?”  He held up an antibacterial pad.

Y/N reached up.  “Okay.”

Leonard looped the gauze around her head three times.  “Now hold this so I can cut it and tie it off.  There we go,” he dipped his head to check her eyes before he eased her back down.  “Need anything before I comm the captain?”

She shook her head.

“All right,” he squeezed her shoulder before moving away from her.

He pulled the flight suit’s sleeves on once more and zipped it up as he headed for the mouth of the cave.  “McCoy to Enterprise.”

“Good news, Bones, transporter’s fixed,” Jim answered.

“Good,” Leonard let out a relieved sigh.  “I’ll pack my kit and get Y/N.  Oh, and Jim?”

“Yeah, Bones?”

“Can you do me a huge favor, I need a slice of birthday cake and a candle ready for Y/N.  It’s her birthday.”

“Okay, I can do that,” the captain agreed.  “Bones?”

“Yeah?”

“You gonna tell her you like her, too?”

“Shut up,” he snapped the comm shut and headed back to the cave.  “Good news, Darlin’, Scotty’s got the transporter fixed!”  He kneeled down beside her and smiled when he realized she had fallen asleep. 

He silently packed up his kit and slipped everything into his backpack and shouldered it.  He eased his arms under Y/N and lifted her to his chest before pushing to his feet with a grunt.  

The transporter room of the Enterprise had never looked more welcoming.  Leonard nodded a thanks to Scotty before making his way toward the nearest Turbolift.

After leaving instructions with the nurses to clean Y/N up,  get her settled and start running scans he headed for his quarters to clean up.  He was not one bit surprised to find Jim waiting when he came out of the bathroom after a quick shower.

“Did ya tell her?”

“She was sleeping, Jim,” he rolled his eyes.  “Now if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to get dressed in private.”

“You keeping her in Medbay for observation?”  Jim watched his best friend disappear into the bedroom.

“Yeah.  She hit her head pretty hard when she fell,” Leonard glanced over his shoulder to make sure the captain had not followed.  He dropped his towel and started dressing.  “I hated just leaving her in medical but I needed to clean myself up so I’m not contaminating a sterile environment.”  He walked out of the bedroom with a clean tunic in one hand, boots and socks in the other.  “Any reason you’re still here?”

“Just checking on my best friend,” Jim turned away from the photos lining the wall separating the living and sleeping spaces in Leonard’s quarters.  “Must’ve been quite a shock to learn the girl you like likes you back.”

“Yeah,” he dropped onto the sofa.  “Not gonna act on it, though, she was under the influence of a head trauma and medication.”

“If she doesn’t remember, are you gonna tell her?”  

“Only if she asks,” he raked a hand through his hair before leveling a glare on the captain.  “Don’t you dare tease her about any of this.”

“I won’t,” Jim drew an X over his heart.  

“Or me.”

He chuckled.  “That’s not a promise I will make,” he shook his head.  “When do you want the cake and candle?”

“Before the end of the day,” Leonard pulled the tunic on and stood up.  “I need to get back to medical and check on the scans I had my team run.”

“Anything else you need?”

He stopped halfway to the door.  “No,” he shook his head.  “Can’t exactly sneak a cocktail into medbay without the nurses demanding to know where their’s is.”

Jim laughed.  “You forget who you’re talking to, Bones,” he walked by the doctor and slapped his shoulder.  “I’ll see what I can do.”

“I was kidding about the cocktail,” Leonard glared at him.

“I know,” the captain let himself out.  

It was late when Y/N stirred.  She groaned as she opened her eyes.  

Leonard was sound asleep, slouched in the chair beside her with a blanket draped over him (likely from one of the nurses).  His hand cradled hers on the bed.  A small rolling bed table sat in front of him with a reusable water bottle and a clear container holding, of all things, a cupcake with a candle.  She smiled as she shifted her hand under his.

The doctor startled awake.  “You in pain?”  He asked, his hazel eyes immediately focusing on the biobed monitor to check her vitals.

“A little,” she admitted.  “Is… is that a cupcake?” 

Leonard gave her a sheepish smile.  “Yeah, it is.  Thought I’d get one for ya for your birthday.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure, Darlin’,” he squeezed her hand.  “Other than a little pain, how are you feeling?”

“Disoriented,” she shrugged.  “I had some weird dreams, Dr. McCoy,” she looked over at him.  “Not weird…  That’s not the right word…”

He frowned.  “What were they about?  Sweetheart, I’m not being nosy.  I’m only asking to make sure it’s not something indicative of a more serious head injury.”

She grimaced.  “They’re… embarrassing,” her eyes shot up to his and away before he could study her pupils.  

“Y/N, no need to worry about being embarrassed if it means helping me diagnose you better,” he shifted in the chair to lean forward.  “You don’t have to go into detail if you don’t want to, just give me enough to work with.”

She nodded.  “Can I sit up, please?”

He reached forward to press a control to raise the head of the bed.  “Here,” he stood to adjust the pillows for her.  “How’s that?”  

“Better,” she smiled shyly.  “I… um…  I know I fell and hit my head and the transporter malfunctioned.”

“Yeah,” he sank down into the chair again and took her hand.  

“My memory is fuzzy after that,” her eyes dropped to their hands.  “But my dreams…  I dreamed we were in a cave where you were taking care of me.  And I was saying things completely out of character to you.”

“Out of character… how?”  Leonard squeezed her hand.  

She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.  “I’m the quiet, shy type, not bold and… flirty,” she whispered the last word.  She let out an embarrassed giggle.  “I, uh, dreamed I was flirting.  Badly.  And singing.”

He cleared his throat.  “You’re rememberin’, Sweetheart,” his voice was low, his Southern drawl coming out.  “And the flirting wasn’t bad.  Trust me, the captain’s my best friend, I’ve seen him in action.”

She groaned.  “I am so sorry,” she pulled her hand free to cover her face.

He caught her hands.  “No need to apologize, Y/N,” he smiled.  “Don’t apologize, don’t feel embarrassed.  We’ll talk about this when you’re feeling better, all right?”

“Can I have that cupcake?”

“Let’s start with something bland first, you were nauseous earlier,” he grinned.  “But I can’t light that candle for you to make a wish on, not in here.”

“You’re already holding my hand,” she smiled back.  “My wish already came true.”

He stood up and leaned forward to brush a soft kiss to her cheek.  “Happy birthday, Darlin’,” he murmured.  

[bookscoffeeandracoons]

366 Days Reblog Challenge April 2020

Another month is already over and in these messed up times I’m even more grateful for all the amazing work by these amazingly talented writers! So without much more rambling here are the fics that i’ve read and reblogged for @beccaanne814‘s 366 Days Reblog Challenge. And thanks again to @beccaanne814​ for the wonderful banners!

Happy reading!

01. Patching up by @petals-sunwards

Clint Barton x Reader

Warnings: mentions of blood and injury, a little angst and fluff

Prompt: Can you go a single day without accidentally hurting yourself?

02. A Good Suit by @portals-to-a-new-world

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY!!, Some language, Mentions of being tied up, Oral (male receiving), uhhh I think that’s it tho

What? I have to give a massive massive shoutout to @bakerstreethound for the idea: {So have a later night party at the enterprise (can be for Kirk’s birthday, but let’s say you and Kirk are on bad terms so you don’t go to the party) you stay in your room tussling with your body pillow to make up for Bones absence. You wake up to find him sitting on your bed wearing the suit he went to Kirk’s party in.} Love, you’ve absolutely slaughtered me in this process but oml was it worth it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it <3

03. A Bad Boy by @portals-to-a-new-world 

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Warnings: Listen. We all know I’m a slut for suits. So you can bet your ass this is as smutty as all hell. That being said, semi public almost smut, language, being tied up, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it yall), oral (male receiving), mild choking, dom!reader, listen it’s straight filth kay? Kay.

What?: Bones doesn’t want to go to a random 1920s themed party, so Y/n offers him a challenge. Smut ensues. (Sequel to A Good Suit.)

04.  One Night In Vegas by @avengerscompound

Tony Stark x F!Reader

Warning:  Talk of sex, aftermath of drinking and drug use

Summary:  You wake up in a Vegas suite with Tony Stark wearing the biggest diamond ring you’ve seen in your life.  The two of you then try and piece the night together

05. Your Prince, My King by @official-and-unstable-satan

Loki x Reader

Warnings: Dominant Loki. Language. Mentions of insecurities and mental health. Degradation and praise. Bondage? SEX Oral (Male and female receiving) and ACTUAL SEX ETA: Orgasm denial/delay (cause that’s apparently a warning? Didn’t know. Sorry) Odin in general. Loki. Reader being snarky and short tempered. Insecurities. Mentions of trauma. Language, probably. Bad writing? Idk what to put here, really. I’m bad at this. Smut. Mentions of smut. Actual filth. Out of character characters, probably. One day I’ll stop apologizing for my writing. I’m working on it.

06. Surprise by @mermaidxatxheart

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Swearing. If you think I missed anything, please let me know.

Summary: You try to get away with something, but Bucky catches you in the act.

07.  drive-through by @evanstarff

(i must have missed something here beause i can’t get to this fic anymore. @evanstarff seems to be gone. I’ll still leave the fic here, in case anyone knows if @evanstarff maybe has a new blog or something, please let me know!)

08.  Scabulous by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Warnings:  Mentions of past injuries, poor feelings about body image, scars

Synopsis:  Bucky is unwilling to undress in front of you because he hates his scars.  Turn out he isn’t the only one with scars.

09.  Skin Contact by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Series Warnings:  Angst, smut (hand jobs, vaginal sex, fingering), PTSD, mentions of past torture.  Superpowered Reader.

Synopsis: While on the run in Romania you come across a man who has a past very similar to your own.  When the people pursuing him track him down, you assume you will never see him again.

10. Mind Control by @avengerscompound

Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Series Warnings:  Angst, smut (vaginal sex, oral sex), PTSD, mentions of past torture.  Superpowered Reader.

Synopsis: While on the run in Romania you come across a man who has a past very similar to your own.  When the people pursuing him track him down, you assume you will never see him again.

11. CRUSH by @petals-sunwards

Clint Barton x Reader

Warnings: none, pure fluff and kisses

Written for @stuckonjbbarnes‘s 250 Writing challenge. My prompt was ‘You know, I’m really good at telling who has crushes on who‘ and I had a blast writing it.

12. An Exquisite Kind of Pain by @redgillan

Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: read it and you’ll see

Summary: Steve’s in love and that’s the problem.

The five times Bucky saved you…

…and the one time you saved him 

by @buckysknifecollection

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Series warnings: some mild swearing, mention of dangerous situations, death mention, injuries, mentions of men objectifying women; other than that - toothrotting fluff.

Summary: You have a special bond with Bucky. He’s more than your best friend, your partner in missions, the person you care most about. He often saved you from uncomfortable situations, always ready to protect you, but sometimes, you are the one who did the saving. A series of drabbles.

13. Part 1 

14. Part 2 

15. Part 3 

16. Part 4

17. Part 5

18. Part 6

19. Ink on his heart by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Bucky Barnes x TattooArtist!Reader

Warnings: Tattoo experiences, a couple stories about war. Some swearing. Mostly lots of feels and fluff.

Summary: Here’s how Bucky Barnes got a haircut and then decided it was about damn time he controlled his own destiny - starting with a bit of ink.

20. Friends in Training by @until-theend-oftheline

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Sam and Bucky are giant children

A/N: This is a drabble request written for @jewels2876 : How about this with Sam and Bucky? “Are you clinically insane or incredibly annoying?” “I don’t know, probably both?"

21.  Right Where You Are, That’s Where I Am by @corneliabarnes

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Angst, allusions to violence and PTSD, fluffy ending

22.  Looking Up by @avengerscompound​

Clint Barton x Reader (kinda)

Warnings:  action, canon-typical violence, Clint’s naked and a very proud boyfriend.

Synopsis:  Clint’s day was looking up. His girlfriend slept over for the first time. He’s pretty sure she’s a Jedi. He was having a nice bath. So how is it he’s now running down the street naked from gunmen?

23.  Distant Connection by @abovethesmokestacks​

A Bucky x Reader drabble series based on this post

Summary: You happen to be in the office when the email is sent out, you get Trip from IT to help you set up the VPN you need to be able to access company systems from home, you rifle through all of your folders and then just dump all of them in a box. It’s a surreal feeling because you are essentially cleaning out your office. As if you’re losing your job. This will be fine. You send an email to your project collaborator, someone named Barnes, suggesting a first video conference call on Monday before you log off.

This is fine.

Chapter 1: This Is Fine

Chapter 2: Introvert Olympics

Chapter 3: Business As Casual

Chapter 4: Jeremy Bearimy

Chapter 5: Toilet Paper Confessionals

Chapter 6: Netflix And I Have No Chill

Chapter 7: Social Dumbassing

24. Assemble: Bucky Barnes by @official-and-unstable-satan​

Bucky Barnes

Warnings: Language, Bucky struggling a little with the whole idea. I think that’s it.

Summary:  James Barnes remembers. He remembers the words. He remembers their meanings. He remembers what they made him do and he fears them. Even after he was ‘fixed’ by Shuri, he feared them. So, someone suggested he learn to love the words by associating the ways they could help him instead of hurt him.

25. Request for the “Until We Meet Again Series” by @sgtjbuccky​

Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Reader

Warnings: a little swearing,

Request:  Omggg I have a idea for “until we meet again What if the reader loses her memory and goes to the Avengers because that’s the last place you remember is being, and then like they tell her about herself and they end up finding the prodigies or sum YASSSSS I LOVE YOUR STORIES 😝

26. Audiobook of Love by @nerdy-bookworm-1998​

Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Summary: Steve and Bucky are missing their best girl while on a mission, but she has a special surprise  for them.

27. Sore Loser by @squirrel-moose-winchester​

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warning: Fluff, Gambling (is hustling money considered gambling?), Some Crack, Dean being Petty.

Summary: Y/N learns a few new tricks and hustles Dean, the king of pool, out of all his money.

28. Best Laid Plans by @suz-123​

A Falcon and Winter Soldier TV Fic *obviously this is NOT spoiler heavy as the show has not even been filmed yet*

Warnings: None really, just my usual casual cursing and sassy soldiers.

A/N: So, there was a post on here that went around yesterday about a plot theory as to what Zemo was going to be doing to tear these guys apart in their future TV show. Naturally, I was livid with this stupid idea and, naturally, I used the magic of fanfic to fix a problem that may or may not ever actually see the light of day :D

29.  Major Crush by @redgillan​

Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Explicit Language, Dirty Talk, Groping

Summary: Laser Tag brings out Steve Rogers’ competitive side and Reader loves it.

30. Count on It by @team-iron-wannabe-man​

40’s!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Y/N isn’t too impressed with the Infamous Sergeant James B. Barnes, however Bucky is definitely interested in her.

______________________________________________________________

That was all the fics I’ve read for the Reblog Challenge in April! A big THANK YOU again to all the writers! This time would be so much more difficult without all your work! 

For the readers: if you search my blog for the tag #fic rec you’ll find even more to read!

Stay healthy everyone and lots of love to you all! ❤

Back to main Masterlist 

[redshirtgal]

Sometimes Memory Alpha picks the worst photos to represent a character. For example, this one. Identified only as a sciences crew woman in “The Alternative Factor,”  this young lady looks like the last person in the world you would want to approach. That look would freeze winter in its tracks. But did you know this episode was not her only appearance?

But actually, she has quite a pleasant smile and seems to be on good terms with Charlene Matthews and her assistant.  One thing we can determine by both photos is that she has quite a distinctive hair style. And that makes it easy to identify her throughout the several episodes she is in.

Going by production order, this young crew woman first appeared as part of the audience in this scene of “The Conscience of the King.” Sadly, it is impossible to determine where she is because of the lighting. Even sadder, she is never given a name in any episode. So our only recourse is to either make up one or call her by her stage name, Carey Foster. And since the only made up name we could think of was Yeoman Side Flip.... well, yeah. Carey Foster is a much better choice.

Foster appears for the second time in “The Squire of Gothos” (in the upper left corner) merely as one of those crew members who blend into the background on the bridge. Although she is certainly going somewhere in a hurry. 

Her appearance in “The Alternative Factor” was her third as a science crew woman. Not only does her hair style stand out but so do her long legs. Those legs might be part of the reason the crewman is grinning while he is watching her carry her coffee starting with the moment she pulls it out of the food synthesizer slot and all the way up to the moment she joins Lt. Masters and her assistant. Btw, watch this scene on your own and see if you can identify the crewman who seems so entranced with her. One odd factoid worth noting - according to Star Trek Fact Check (http://startrekfactcheck.blogspot.com/) , it appears that Carey Foster along another extra were upgraded from background extra to performer. Which we believe means they both were paid SAG wages. The blog backs this up with notes from the production sheet. That’s a nice little bump in salary, so evidently (as the blog surmises) both Carey Foster and another extra by the name Tom Steele were part of a deleted scene in which they both had a line. We don’t even see this male extra in the final version so we can’t tell if he is the same Tom Steele who was an extra in “Bread and Circuses.” At least Ms Foster’s part was kept in the scene after the deletions were made. 

The next time we see her is in “This Side of Paradise” when she is part of the crew who beamed down to Omicron Ceti III to join Spock, McCoy, Sulu and the others who have already decided to stay there rather than serve on the Enterprise. In the first photo, you can easily identify Carey from the back of her head. But if you aren’t sure, take a look at the second photo where she turns slightly to the side and you can tell it is the same crew woman.  Also, take a good look at the hair of the young lady in front of her. We can’t be positive, but the color and style of her hair looks very much like that of the red skirt in the front of the audience at the end of “The Conscience of the King.”  How frustrating that we recognize her in that episode but cannot identify where Carey Foster appears. 

Carey exchanges her science blues for technical services red in “The Devil in the Dark.” She is practically the first person the captain sees when he exits the turbolift and returns to the bridge at the end. And yes, that is definitely the same actress as the science crew woman we saw in “The Alternative Factor.” One look at that hair...

In “Errand of Mercy” Carey Foster is still in her red uniform and appears to be handing Captain Kirk a tricorder instead of a clipboard just before the Klingon attack at the start of the episode. 

We could not make a positive ID but we are almost sure this is the final appearance of Carey Foster in “Operation Annihilate.” The hair is close to the right color and there certainly is an upturn in her hair where it hits her shoulders. Production notes verify she is in this episode, according to Memory Alpha. However, we can’t promise you this is her. Still, she has had an amazing run. Carey Foster appeared in a total of seven episodes, which is pretty good for an extra. Not many of the ones who played a unnamed crewman got called back for more than two or three episodes. Why was this actress so lucky? 

(Above - two early publicity photos of Carey Foster. Note the hairstyle in the second photo)

Possibly because she first appeared in several episodes of The Lieutenant, the first television series created and produced by Gene Roddenberry. After all, Joseph D’Agosta was The Lieutenant’s assistant casting director and became the casting director for Star Trek’s entire run. This could easily be a coincidence but then many actors who appeared on Star Trek also appeared in The Lieutenant including Gary Lockwood, Don Marshall, Leslie Parrish, and Nichelle Nichols.  Actually, Carey’s first Hollywood break was through her talent as a dancer. She had always wanted to dance since she was a young girl. She was so talented, she was allowed to enter an elite dance studio at the age of eleven, where she was given a full scholarship. On the day of her audition, she encountered her role model, Leslie Caron. Two of her dance studio classmates were Annette Funicello and Liza Minelli.  At age 16, she auditioned for a part in West Side Story. She and the other girls followed the directions of both Jerome Robbins and Director Robert Wise and she was one of the lucky ones chosen for a part. However, because her young age required a tutor on set and specific work hour requirements, she and some other young ladies were let go. But even though her dance career got off to a rough start, Miss Foster still found work dancing in industrial entertainment films (which were the subject of a fascinating documentary called Bathtubs Over Broadway).

 A choreographer friend got her a stint working at the recently opened Cal-Neva Lodge in Lake Tahoe. Frank Sinatra was the owner and she recounts that he took the younger dancers under his protective wing, asking them to point out anyone who bothered them. From there, she landed a spot as one of the dancers seen on The Dean Martin Show.  With more exposure, Carey was able to successfully land work as a dancer in several Hollywood movies. Above is her appearance as one of the Winter-A-Go-Go dancers in the movie of the same name.  She is the second dancer from the right (in front of the young man in the green sweater).

There was another better known actress in this movie by the name of Julie Parrish, who played DeeDee. She is the young lady dressed in purple in the promotional poster to the left. We know her as Miss Piper, the assistant of Commodore Mendez in “The Menagerie,” Part One. 

Carey Foster also appeared in similar roles in Annette Funicello’s Pajama Party and Elvis Presley’s Kissin’ Cousins. Carey is the one in the teal top above. At the bottom of the photo you can see a girl with a yellow bikini top. That is the female lead of the movie, Yvonne Craig. Carey remembers Elvis as being very personable and starved for conversation with the younger cast members. Annette Funicello, on the other hand, was stand-offish and didn’t spend much time socializing on the set. Ms Funicello’s name is probably not familiar to many people outside of us Baby Boomers who remember her as the darling of many a Walt Disney production.

Not listed in her IMDb credits, but confirmed in an interview with Carey Foster (as Emmy Lou Crawford) in the Santa Barbara Sentinel, was an appearance in the 1969 blockbuster hit, Hello Dolly! She is the lady in the yellow dress seated to Barbara Streisand’s left. This would have been one of her last appearances in Hollywood, although she was an assistant choreographer on 1969′s television special for Jack Benny’s birthday celebration. By that time, Carey was married and had a family. Her husband, John Robert Crawford, had a one film Hollywood career. Howard Hawks hired him based purely on his race car prowess to appear in Red Line 7000. The only thing noteworthy about that movie was the appearance of up and coming co-star James Caan. Together they had one daughter, Sean Crawford. Hollywood was losing its appeal and Carey Foster was now becoming more interested in making sure her daughter had the best education possible.

To achieve that, Carey Foster went back to using her real name of Emmy Lou Crawford and became a certified Montessori instructor. And of course, a dance teacher. Now she and her daughter Sean have opened their own studio, Inspire Dance. From that smile on her face, Emmy Lou seems to revel in encouraging young dancers just the way she was growing up.

[ravensblood18]

Awkward

Everyone reacts differently to anesthesia – that’s part of what makes emergency surgery so complicated. There are correlations, of course, with body mass, metabolism, etc, and with the computers the best  drug and dose for each patient can be calculated.

It is perfectly safe, as McCoy assures every first time patient about to go under.(The first time he operated on Spock, the poor devil was in no shape to talk, but the second time he reeled off a series of statistics on  that particular anesthetic’s safety and tempted the CMO to up the dose just to shut him up.) What the computer cannot calculate is the reactions of each patient in coming out of sedation.  Doctor- patient confidentiality ensures that the anecdotes will never leave sickbay, but it doesn’t stop occasional bets being placed or personnel arranging to position themselves within earshot of certain patients.

Sulu, now, comes out in what is now called his D’Artagnan persona. After an incident which involved Dr McCoy getting a broken nose and Nurse Chapel getting her hand kissed, the good doctor has made restraints standard when the helmsman is…less than coherent for some reason, whether it is surgical sedation, mysterious virus or  plain old concussion.

  Ensign Chekov, from what a very amused Russian nurse could translate, usually ends up under the impression that he is the Tsar of Russia. Or that he is dating the Tsar’s daughter. It varies. Occasionally he gives orders for Dr McCoy to be banished to Siberia, for the offense of “being mean to Mr Spock.”

Riley, the one time he ended up in the post operative ward…sings. The-Song-That-Must-Not-Be-Named doesn’t sound any better when slurred beyond coherence. (The captain who had come to check on the casualties, practically bolted out of the sickbay when that started.).  Nowadays McCoy has authorized post operative medication for Riley in the interests of the patient’s safety and the Medical staff’s sanity.

Scotty, in the normal run of things, seems to get particularly inspired when half conscious, and particularly insistent on discussing said inspirations. Like the time he held a long, slurred and complicated discourse on how he could improve the production of his illegal and officially non-existent still located on Deck Ten. With a visiting Admiral who was in for his regular check up.  Fortunately, the admiral in question  turned out to be vulnerable to Kirkian charm  and a bribe of Romulan Ale.

Spock…gets very talkative.  Luckily for him, he tends to lapse back to his native language, so mostly McCoy has no clue what he’s talking about. By the time he’s coherent enough to talk in Standard, he’s coherent enough to know he shouldn’t be talking at all. The few occasions when he was just high enough to get voluble and not out enough to forget his (better than they seem) language skills have given his  hovering frenemy  blackmail material worth a life time, but unfortunately for the doctor,  the Hippocratic Oath gets in the way. The Captain, now…

“Um, Bones?”

“What, Jim?” The doctor is grinning from ear to ear. It’s only partly the euphoria of having pulled off one of the most complicated surgeries in his career (while the ship was under fire, no less). There is a particular unholy glee in the CMO’s eyes that the convalescing Captain doesn’t like.

“Just what was in that hypo?”

“Normal painkillers. Wasn’t even supposed to put you out all the way, but when you’ve lost that much blood, through direct ignorance of medical advice, I may add-“

“Okay, okay. Leave the lecture for later, Bones. I’ve got enough of  a headache already.” He pauses nervously. “Er, I wasn’t fully out all the time, was I?”

“You came round for a bit.”

“Did I…say something?”

The grin had widened to Cheshire cat proportions. “What do you remember?”

Jim groaned.

“I…think I asked Spock out. For the Valentine’s Day party.”

McCoy’s grin was now made more intolerable with the addition of a smug glint.

“Don’t even say it!” Kirk orders before the doctor can put himself at the risk of being punched out by his still-a-bit-groggy captain. “I was hypoed half way to hyperspace, that does not mean what you think! And you are going to help me explain that to him!”

The doctor mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ‘In Hypo Veritas’.

“We. Are .Just. Friends. Get your  damn mind out of the gutter and help me figure out how to explain this!”

“Well…”

“Well what?”

“You didn’t ask Spock out.”

“I didn’t?” Bones isn’t sure whether Jim sounds more relieved or disappointed.

“That damn hobgoblin left the sickbay (against medical advice, seeing a pattern here, Jimmy-boy?) the minute he was able to stand up without passing out. Said something about the ship  couldn’t have both the captain and the First Officer off the bridge “in the current volatile environment”. If he ends up fainting on the Bridge, serves him right.”

“So I was just talking to myself?”

“Nope, you just mistook someone else for him.”

Jim sighs in relief that he hasn’t ended up potentially frightening his shy First into transferring  off the ship at the first chance, then realizes just who  he was most likely to have mistaken for said First. The look of horror is enough to send McCoy into a hoot of unprofessional laughter.

“I asked Sarek out?”

“Well, you called him Spock, so I don’t think he would have..”

“Just shoot me.”

“Tempting, but maybe later. If it’s any consolation, I don’t think he understood the reference. Vulcans of course don’t have Valentine’s Day.”

“Bones, the guy is an ambassador, learning alien customs is his business! Plus, he’s married to Lady Amanda, you think she never dragged him off for a Valentine’s Date?”

The image of  stoic Sarek sitting across from Amanda at a table covered with roses and candle light is enough to provoke another fit of mirth from the doctor.

“And anyway, Lady Amanda was here, she’d understand the reference, Good God…”

“Not the most dignified way to meet the parents, eh, Jim?”

The Captain chooses to respond non-verbally, by flinging his pillow at the CMO.

“Next time, just let me scream. No painkillers! Definitely not these painkillers!”

“Against Hippocratic Oath, Captain. I will, however, consider an isolation cubicle…”

The intrepid captain of the Enterprise slumps back into bed and prays to any deity who may be listening that the famous Vulcan regard for privacy would extend to not prying into  existing or potential relationships of adult sons…

McCoy returns the pillow to it’s proper position and walks out, still grinning. At the door, he turns back for a parting shot “By the way, Jim, Amanda looked like she approves…”

The pillow goes flying again.

[spacedancer1701]

Another Life - a Star Trek fic - (Chapters 36 - 40)

Sequel to ‘On Borrowed Time’

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS) Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope) Characters: The Crew of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) Rating/Warnings: None Tags: Romance, Friendship, Love, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Angst/H/C, Caring/Protective/Tender/Comforting/Happy/Grumpy/Worried McCoy Word Count: This is a long one. Again. 😄 (71 chapters - 177k)

Read it on AO3: Another Life  

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 36

Obviously, with amnesia, there wasn’t all that much you could do but give it time. And hope. McCoy was still spending his nights researching, but he always seemed to end up with the same disappointing result. There were so many different kinds of amnesia, so many different outcomes and experiences. As he’d told a disappointed Hope long ago, the human brain was still quite a mystery, even in the 23rd century with all its advanced science and opportunities.

The more research he did, however, the more reason he saw to be thankful. That Hope had recovered such a large portion of her memory in such a short time, and was able to just continue with her job as well as all the things she liked to do in her free time, was certainly not the norm. She had been incredibly lucky, and the doctor was grateful for that. Giving up their relationship suddenly seemed like a small price to pay for her to continue her life and her career otherwise unimpaired.

Nevertheless, McCoy still hoped for her to remember. But days turned into weeks, and he started to resign himself to the possibility that she might never recover the past two years. The thought was painful beyond belief, and he was sorry not only for himself, but also for what she had lost. She’d been truly happy, and she’d loved those memories. Spending whole nights reminiscing with him had been one of her favourite things, he thought fondly, hoping against hope that they’d at least get the chance to make new memories.

But things were different now, and she seemed happy, too, fully functional as an officer and having fun getting to know everyone again. Hope was exactly the same woman as before, did the same things, had the same passions and the same wonderful personality. She was the same wonderful woman he’d fallen in love with, the same woman who’d fallen in love with him. But she wasn’t his wonderful woman anymore.

She was getting to know him again, of course, and he was grateful that she was still so comfortable around him. Trusted him, felt safe with him, liked to spend time with him. But since she wasn’t working in sickbay anymore, they just didn’t see as much of each other as they used to during her first year aboard. She was having her evening coffee mostly with other people now, was growing close to other people, too. Their connection wasn’t as special to her as it had been the first time around.

And it certainly didn’t help that he sometimes actively avoided her, because being near her, without being close, was often just too much to bear. Hope was his life, but he had to pretend that she was just a patient, just another crew member. They belonged together, but she simply didn’t remember. At times, the desire to sweep her into his arms and hold her forever was just too overwhelming, and he had to get away from her as fast as he could. Other times, it was the helplessness turning into anger, that made him run off without explanation before he could say or do anything he’d definitely regret afterwards.

There were no words to describe how terribly he missed her. From the minute he woke up in the morning to the moment he crawled into his cold, empty bed at night. The nights were the worst. He yearned for her warm, delightful body nestled against him so comfortingly. And it wasn’t even the sex he missed most. It was the closeness, the tenderness, the intimacy. Of course, he’d been alone in his bed, dreaming about her more often than he cared to remember during her first year aboard, too. But it was so much worse now that he knew what it was like to be with her. How good they were together.

What probably hurt most, though, was the fact that he couldn’t discuss any of this with her, couldn’t share this burden with her, couldn’t depend on her optimism and draw comfort from her unconditional support. He’d got so used to telling her about everything on his mind, including medical matters way beyond her expertise. And even though she might often not have been able to make any scientific recommendations, just talking about things usually helped.

But he was truly alone in this now. After months of convincing himself that it was okay to drop his shields and let someone in again, to trust and rely on someone once more, he was back to where he’d always known he belonged, yet had hoped never to find himself again. Alone.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny was feeling better and stronger with every day that passed. She loved her work, feeling immensely proud that her plan to focus on her studies and career had obviously worked out so well. Rank of lieutenant, head of her own, if small, department, and all that within five years of waking up to a completely different world and time.

The thought that she’d just come out of another coma, sleep, stasis, whatever it had been, with no real idea of how long she’d been out, was, of course, still a little unsettling. But for some reason she had this total, instinctive trust in Dr. McCoy, and, frankly, couldn’t see any reason why he, or any of the others, should have been lying to her. Not to forget his genuine shock and concern, when he’d found out that she didn’t remember him.

Besides, she’d definitely heard of Captain James T. Kirk and the Enterprise during her Academy years. And the captain looked exactly like the holos she’d seen of him, so she really couldn’t have been asleep that long.

The Enterprise.

Jenny still couldn’t believe that she’d not only been cleared for starship duty, but had even made it to the Fleet’s flagship. Beside her work, she loved everything about the Enterprise. All the activities she engaged in in her free time, the band and dancing mostly, of course, but, above all, really, she liked the crew. Jenny might only begin to know them again, but they already felt like friends.

The doctor was still her favourite. Maybe because he’d been there when she’d first woken up, and had so kindly and caringly looked after her ever since. Or simply because he’d been the one to take her in his arms, and she just couldn’t forget how wonderful his warm embrace had felt. Jenny was also aware that he was still dedicating a lot of his free time to doing research on amnesia, for which she was immensely grateful, and which sent a warm feeling to her stomach every time she thought about it.

McCoy knew how vulnerable she felt, with who knew how many of her memories still missing, maybe even lost forever, and his protectiveness was just what she needed. Although the doctor’s mood swings seemed to have become more frequent recently, and she sometimes got the impression that he was actually angry with her.

One moment he was kind and fun, seeming to enjoy their conversation, and looking at her with a tenderness that went straight to her heart, and the next, he couldn’t get away fast enough, suddenly seeming angry, or maybe disappointed, with her. And she had no idea why.

She’d even tried to talk to him about it, outright asked if she’d done anything to annoy him, if there was some disagreement between them she didn’t remember, some unfinished business. But he’d just brushed it off as something she imagined while actually getting mad at the question, only to touch the gentlest hand to her face, tenderly caressing her cheek and looking deeply into her eyes the next moment.

Maybe the obligation he felt, as her doctor, to look after her was getting too much, and he was fed up with playing the babysitter. Or maybe she’d been too obvious, he’d noticed how incredibly drawn she felt to him and just didn’t want to lead her on. Just because she loved to be near him, didn’t necessarily mean that he wanted that, too.

Perhaps she should stop taking up so much of his time and spend more time with her other friends instead. Relieve him a little of babysitting duty. The strange thing was just that, whenever she did, McCoy still seemed to hover somewhere nearby, not quite able to stop watching over her.

Anyways, she really wanted to keep focused on her career, no matter how often she might dream of the doctor’s arms and smile. She’d be going on her first landing party soon, and she couldn’t wait. All Jenny had to do was pass a physical exam before then, and she truly hoped that McCoy would let her.

-x-x-x-x-x-

“You can get dressed again, love,” McCoy smiled at Hope when he’d finished his examination, perching on the edge of the nearby computer desk and skimming through the results of her blood tests.

He just couldn’t stop calling her ‘love’, but thankfully, she didn’t seem to mind, simply taking it as his way of talking. Like he called other patients ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’.

When he looked up from his display again, however, Hope still hadn’t moved and just kept staring at him, sort of expectantly. Then the penny dropped. She was waiting for him to leave, or at least turn around, while she took off the medical gown and changed back into her uniform.

“I’ll be back in a minute to talk about your results,” he mumbled, making a quick exit and sitting down heavily at the desk in his office next door.

He’d simply forgotten. But this was the woman he knew inside out, as intimately as you could know anyone. He was familiar with every one of her birthmarks, knew what every single inch of her skin felt like, hell, even tasted like. He knew how to make her melt under his touch, how beautiful she looked when she was in the throes of passion. How to rub her back to make her purr with pleasure and where to tickle her to make her squeal and giggle. And now he had to leave the room while she got changed.

McCoy rested his head in his hands, wondering how much more he could take. He loved Hope more than anything else in the world, and always would. But the hurt was just overwhelming, and he could feel himself approaching breaking point. Sitting with her before she’d woken from her coma, he’d believed to be prepared for anything, happy to stay by her side and care for her no matter what. Determined to deal with whatever physical and/or mental handicap she might have been left with, making sure that she got all the love and care she needed, never leaving her side. But that wasn’t possible now. He was forced to keep his distance. Give her privacy. Take care of her from afar.

And in less than a week, she’d be on her first assignment joining a landing party again. De facto her first, as far as she was concerned. McCoy remembered only too well how nervous she’d been on her actual first assignment. And how dangerous it had turned out despite starting off as completely harmless. Well, if Jim wanted her to go, he’d have to let the doctor join the landing party, too. There was no other way McCoy was going to clear Hope for this assignment.

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 37  

When Dr. McCoy returned some minutes later, he seemed frazzled, and Jenny’s heart went out to him and whoever had been unfortunate enough to cross him in the short time he’d been away. Thankfully, it didn’t seem to have anything to do with her results, since the doctor, although rather distractedly, told her that she was in excellent health and could certainly join the landing party after he’d cleared a few details with Captain Kirk.

Seeing her relief and joy at the good news, McCoy even managed a smile, but Jenny sensed that his mind was already elsewhere. So she just quickly thanked him and all but skipped out of sickbay, heading straight for the gym, where she was meeting Chekov for one of their dancing units.

Leaning back against the back panel of the turbolift, she couldn’t believe how much she’d just enjoyed her physical, smiling at the thought that she was probably the only crew member who did. But opportunities to be near the doctor were rare these days, and she’d relished every gentle touch, not caring that they had just been part of the examination.

Having the doctor stand so close that she could feel the warmth radiating from his body had given her goose bumps, and, ridiculous as it sounded, she thought he smelled so nice. Jenny didn’t know why, maybe her dad had used a similar aftershave or something, but Dr. McCoy, even with the ever-present waft of antiseptic, somehow smelled like home.

After her dancing session with Chekov, where Pavel had once again left no doubt about his feelings for her, Jenny indulged in a real-water shower to celebrate her excellent test results, exhilarated at the prospect of joining her first – at least to her memory – landing party. Later, in bed, thinking about Chekov’s eagerness, she couldn’t help but wonder if she might actually have reciprocated his feelings before her coma.

Pavel was certainly a brilliant and attractive young man, although she somehow always thought of him as more of a boy. He was kind and fun, and would undoubtedly be a good match as far as rank and age were concerned. She was also pretty sure that he’d make a really attentive boyfriend, but she just couldn’t see them together. Not unless being in his arms while dancing could make her feel the way she had in McCoy’s arms.

Oh God, can’t I even finish a single thought without the doctor invading it? she grumbled to herself, feeling her heart skip a beat just at the idea of dancing with McCoy.

No, there was no way she could see Pavel as anything but a friend. She’d have to find the right moment to tell him that, even if it hurt him and meant that he didn’t want to continue their dancing sessions. But she definitely didn’t want to lead him on. Maybe that was precisely the pickle McCoy found himself in with her, Jenny thought despondently. That he liked her, but just not in that way.

Trying to shift her thoughts away from the doctor and her non-existent love life, Jenny tried to recapitulate all the information she’d gathered about herself so far, concerning those last two missing years. McCoy – God, here he was again – had encouraged everyone aboard to tell her as many facts about the past two years as they wanted, in the hope that something might trigger her memories, but at the same time had instructed the crew to really stick to the facts, and not to foist any private suspicions, based on guesswork and gossip, on her, especially concerning her personal life. If they wanted her to truly remember, feeding her false information would certainly not be helpful.

There had, of course, been a few personal things that people had let slip nevertheless, but nothing that really seemed of relevance to her. As for the facts, Jenny had so far learned that, to her great astonishment, she’d worked in sickbay – although that might explain why the doctor knew her so well, had been on a dangerous first mission from which she’d returned with a broken ankle after saving the captain’s life – a little exaggerated, surely – and also Peterson’s from security before that – definitely exaggerated.

She’d further been told that she’d been on the Lexington for six months, and had headed her own department of linguistics ever since her return. That her and Uhura’s gigs with the band were legendary, and, her favourite, that she was reportedly good friends with at least half the crew.

Chekov had told her of their many dancing shows, giggling about how McCoy used to freak out over their Rock’n’Roll acrobatics, and that she’d saved Christmas for several crewmates by preparing surprise presents for anyone who would have gone without otherwise. All with Pavel’s help of course. Apparently, she had even once performed field surgery on him, which she’d taken for one of Chekov’s less tasteful jokes at first, but which McCoy had later confirmed with a soft, almost emotional look in his eyes.

Uhura had been the one to fill her in on all the little things, like what her favourite replicated food was – chicken salad sandwich, the one McCoy had got her after he’d taken her off the drip, which song she’d loved to perform most – To Make You Feel My Love, which had come as no surprise to her, but which, being a classic country song, quite obviously wasn’t one of Nyota’s favourites, that she’d become some sort of yoga guru on the Enterprise, and many more little facts like that.

Since Nyota was not only her best friend, but also without doubt the most communicative, Jenny kept pestering her about her pre-coma relationships, specifically her love life, wanting to know so badly if she’d been more than friends with anyone aboard. But so far, Uhura had remained annoyingly vague in that regard. She’d admitted to being under the impression that Jenny might actually have been in love, or something to that effect. Lots of words in intricate sentences full of question marks and maybes. She wouldn’t even hint at who she had in mind. It had never been more than a sneaking suspicion, anyway, Uhura had claimed, since Jenny had always adamantly denied it.

Closing her eyes with a groan, she tried to wrack her brains once more for some little memory, anything at all. She didn’t know why, but she just couldn’t shake the feeling that those two years had not only been incredibly adventurous and career-furthering, but also very emotional. The thought that someone aboard might know her much more intimately than they let on, was, to say the least, unsettling, but also made her sad. If she’d been in love with someone, she really wanted to know.

When Uhura hadn’t been very forthcoming, Jenny had tried to approach the subject from a different angle, asking her if she knew of anyone who might have feelings for her.

But Nyota, seeing right through her, had just laughed and said, “Take your pick, sugar! There’s not a person aboard who’s not in love with you.”

“You mean it could be a woman, too?” Jenny had exclaimed, disheartened by the now even wider choice of possible ‘candidates’.

“Not that I know of, but, hell, yeah. Why not, I guess?” Uhura had chuckled, obviously pleased that she’d managed to confuse her friend even more.

After that conversation, Jenny’s mind had gone into overdrive, much to Nyota’s amusement. She’d considered Christine – no way, although the nurse was lovely, Peterson – he’d been extremely grateful, mentioning her saving his life several times, and finally had even straight out asked Uhura, if they’d been in love.

Nyota had doubled over with laughter at that, assuring her that, although they’d been very close and she loved her dearly, there had never been anything remotely romantic between them.

“Don’t let this drive you crazy, Jenny, you’ll figure it out in the end,” her friend had said at last, and then cryptically added, “As far as I can tell, you’re already on the right track, anyway. Just keep following your heart and everything will be fine. No need to rush into anything, either. If it is who I think it is, he’ll stick around.”

Back to ‘he’, then, well at least that was something. Follow her heart? Uhura’s advice kept haunting her. Who had Nyota been talking about? There was only one person her heart really wanted to follow. But there was no way Uhura could know about him, was there?

Looking at the time, Jenny realised that she had to go to sleep quickly, if she didn’t want to show up for her shift like a zombie the next day. Closing her eyes, she pictured all the possible ‘candidates’ one more time, thinking how much easier things would be, if McCoy were actually an option.

Well, a girl could dream.

But seriously, she thought, how sad would it be, if there really had been someone, and she didn’t remember being in love with them, especially, if the feeling had been mutual. If only she could find out who it was, maybe she could learn to love them again?

-x-x-x-x-x-

Chekov was in seventh heaven. They’d put in a dancing unit almost every evening, and not once, since she’d woken from her coma, had Hope mentioned loving him like a brother. In fact, she’d actually flirted with him, something she’d never done before. Not even in the beginning, when he’d still thought he could win her heart. No, she’d always been very clear about not having any romantic feelings for him, but now things were different, and it really felt like a second chance to him.

Along with the rest of the crew, Pavel had been quite sure that Hope was actually with Dr. McCoy, and, although the thought hurt like hell, he’d accepted it as a fact. But as long as they were still dancing together, there’d always been a tiny spark of hope in his heart, that she might, one day, realise that she was madly in love with him, after all.

Maybe that day had arrived? He wouldn’t want to get in the doctor’s way, of course, but assuming him and Hope to be an item must have been a mistake after all. Honestly, even suffering from amnesia, you’d surely remember who you were in love with, wouldn’t you? No, this was his big chance, and he was going to grab it with both hands. He was going to woo Hope like she’d never been wooed before.

But perhaps he’d still have a little talk with the doctor before making a complete fool of himself. Yes, that seemed like a good idea. He’d go and see McCoy first thing tomorrow.

-x-x-x-x-x-

McCoy was surprised to see Chekov nervously pacing outside his office, obviously trying to summon up the courage to come in. What could the young Russian want to talk to him about that got him so flustered?

“Come in already, Chekov,” McCoy grumbled amicably, grabbing the surprised man’s arm and pulling him inside, “you’re going to ruin my floor if you keep running in circles like that.”

Returning to his desk and sitting down in his chair, the doctor looked at Chekov expectantly, motioning for him to sit down as well, but the young man just stood there, nervously twiddling his fingers.

“I need to talk to you about Jenny. Hope, I mean,” Chekov suddenly blurted, catching McCoy completely off guard.

Good thing the doctor was already sitting down.

“What about her?” McCoy asked, immediately getting his hackles up and looking at the young man through narrowed eyes.

“You know, I’ve always thought Jenny is an amazing woman,” the Russian continued hesitantly.

Tell me something I don’t know, the doctor thought, piqued.

“But she’s never been interested in me so far. Romantically, I mean.”

“And now she is?” the doctor snapped, feeling his heart beating faster.

What was Chekov getting at?

“I don’t know,” the other man stammered, visibly losing heart, “but she hasn’t mentioned feeling for me like for a brother once since she woke up. And I think she’s … flirting with me.”

McCoy wanted to throttle him.

“Why are you telling me this, Chekov?” the doctor asked, not even trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

“Because I need to be sure that you’re okay with this, before...” Pavel murmured, his face turning a bright shade of pink.

“Before what?” McCoy barked, leaning forward in his chair and fixing the other man with his eyes.

“Before I ask her out for, I don’t know, dinner, maybe?” Chekov’s voice was barely a whisper now.

“And why wouldn’t I be okay with that?” the doctor asked gruffly, leaning back again and trying to unclench his fists.

It wasn’t Chekov’s fault that Hope didn’t remember their love, was it?

“Well, to be honest, I’ve always thought that you and Jenny...” the young man’s voice trailed away.

“That we what?” McCoy pressed on.

He wanted to make him spell it out. Even if his heartache wasn’t Chekov’s fault, the doctor wasn’t going to make this easy on him.

“Er … that you were more than just friends?” Pavel offered awkwardly.

McCoy snorted, trying to ignore the knot that had formed in his stomach. He had to bring this absurd conversation to an end and get rid of Chekov quickly, before he lost his temper.

“You don’t need my permission, Chekov,” the doctor said, an icy tone underlying his display of composure, “Hope is free to do as she pleases, or do you think she’d flirt with you, if she were with anyone else?”

The young man shook his head sheepishly, and McCoy found that, despite all his hurt, he couldn’t stand the thought of Hope being considered as anything less than decent and loyal.

“Just maybe take it slow,” he suggested, surprising himself by how much like fatherly advice this sounded, “Hope might still recover her memory, and you wouldn’t want to be involved too deeply, if she finds out that there’s been someone else all along.”

It was true, there was still hope.

And to take the focus away from himself as well as plant some doubt in Chekov’s mind, not something he felt particularly proud of, of course, McCoy nastily added, “You don’t know, there might even be someone on the Lexington waiting for her.”

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 38 

When the door had closed behind a subdued Chekov, McCoy grabbed his favourite coffee mug and flung it forcefully against the wall, satisfied to watch it shatter into a thousand little pieces. Then he slumped in his chair and took a little box out of one of his desk drawers. Opening the box, he looked forlornly at the delicate, dolphin-shaped ring in there.

They’d had to remove all jewellery, fighting to bring Hope back that fateful day she’d sacrificed her life. And his. He’d meant to return the ring with all of Hope’s other things from his quarters, but then somehow hadn’t been able to let go of it. It was a token of their love, a tiny reminder of what had once been, and she didn’t even remember having it, anyway.

Can’t really blame Chekov for trying, McCoy thought, feeling the rage and despair slowly seeping out of his body, leaving plenty of room for hopeless grief in their stead.

Anyone in their right mind would, if there was a chance to gain Hope’s affection, wouldn’t they? And at least the kid had had the decency to ask.

He couldn’t blame Hope either. She didn’t remember, and he was being increasingly distant with her, while Chekov wasn’t. He’d always thought they’d make a nice pair, anyway. Hope needed affection, and Chekov certainly wasn’t a bad choice. With McCoy out of the picture, he could actually see her falling for the young Russian. The doctor slumped even further down in his chair. And there he’d thought he’d already hit rock bottom.

Still tenderly holding Hope’s ring in his fingers, McCoy was startled out of his thoughts by Kirk’s cheerful voice, as the captain stuck his head around the door to his office.

“You wanted to talk to me about Hope and the landing party?” Jim asked brightly, stopping abruptly when he saw his friend’s obvious misery.

“What’s the matter, Bones? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost!” the captain went on as soon as the doors had hissed shut behind him, stepping towards the desk and sitting down in the chair across from McCoy.

“Chekov was just here,” the doctor murmured so low that Kirk could hardly hear him, “practically asking my permission to date Hope. And who could blame him... “

“Bones!” the captain cut him short, “You can’t just give her up without a fight! You really need to tell her!”

“I can’t, Jim!” McCoy groaned, lifting doleful eyes to Jim’s. “Don’t you see? I can’t force a relationship on her, dammit! I can’t make her love me! I’m just a man she barely knows, a man she has no feelings for.”

“You don’t know that, do you?” Kirk argued, his voice soft now.

The doctor just rolled his eyes and quietly said, “All I really want is for her to be happy, Jim.”

“Then court her, Bones! Surely you still know how to do that? Tell her how you feel! Start anew! You’ve won her heart once, you can do it again!”

The captain was getting exasperated.

“Can’t do that, either,” McCoy sighed. “I’m her doctor and her superior.”

“Technically, you were that before, too,” Jim pointed out. “Even more so, when she was still working in sickbay.”

“That was different,” the doctor argued. “We’d known each other for a year until I gave in to my feelings. And by then, even I could see how much she loved me. I don’t see that now. And I can’t make her. She’s free to choose whoever she wants. Maybe it’s even better that way. I’ve always felt she deserved better.”

“You don’t mean that,” Kirk huffed, shaking his head. “You know just as well as I do how perfect you are for each other. Hope couldn’t find anyone better. And she deserves a chance to have that again. Don’t you think? Much as I like Chekov, you and Hope were made for each other. Anyone who’s ever seen you together knows that.”

“What was it again you came here for, Jim?” McCoy changed the subject, putting the ring back in its box and returning it to its place in the drawer.

He just couldn’t keep discussing this now, he needed to clear his head first, needed some time alone to think everything Jim had just said through.

“The landing party,” Kirk replied, respecting his friend’s wish to move on with their conversation. For now, at least.

“Oh, yes,” the doctor said, sighing when he realised that this was still about Hope, after all. “Jenny’s in top form again. Physically. But with the issue of amnesia still hanging in the air, I’ll only let her go on that assignment, if you let me come, too.”

“Sure,” the captain replied without hesitation, getting up to leave and smirking at McCoy’s disbelieving look at how easily Kirk had agreed. “Another day, another chance! I had planned on letting you tag along, anyway.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

The doctor was still staring after his friend, when Hope tentatively knocked on his door.

“Need anything?” McCoy asked dismissively, immediately regretting sounding so gruff.

It wasn’t her fault he could hardly look at her. She hadn’t done anything wrong, but after talking to Chekov, he just couldn’t help feeling betrayed.

“Sorry,” Hope said in a small voice, “if this is a bad time, I can come back later.”

She looked so lost, that the doctor’s heart went out to her, any bad feelings instantly forgotten. If Hope had come here looking for help, he couldn’t just turn her away.

“What can I do for you, Hope?” he said, much more warmly this time, getting up from his desk and crossing the room towards where she was still standing in the door.

“I … I don’t know, really, I … just came to see you, it’s nothing important, sorry, Doctor,” she stammered, spinning around to slip out the door again.

“Don’t go, please stay,” McCoy exclaimed, quickly grasping her arm to keep her from leaving. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude, I’m just having a difficult time for various reasons, but you can always come to me, if you need something, or even just because you feel like it.”

The doctor’s heart beat a little faster, thinking that Hope’s subconscious still guided her to him.

“I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties,” she smiled shyly at him, looking down at his hand still on her arm. “Is there anything I can do for you? If you want to talk, I’m a good listener.”

“I know, Hope,” McCoy smiled back at her, taking his hand away again. “You always have been, but thanks, not this time.”

If only she knew how badly he wanted to talk to her, tell her everything and hear her say that it was going to be fine.

“But it was you, who came to me,” the doctor reminded her gently. “So, how can I help?”

“I’m not sure, really,” she said, bemused, “I just came here, because …”

“Because?” McCoy prompted softly.

“I’m sorry, I really can’t seem to remember why I came here,” she admitted sheepishly, and he could see her eyes suddenly turning anxious. “Do you think there’s something else wrong with my brain, Doctor?”

“No, love,” McCoy tried to reassure her. “The results of your physical were excellent. We all forget things sometimes.”

They were still standing in the doorway, and the doctor beckoned her a little further inside, so that the doors would slide shut behind her. He didn’t feel like continuing their conversation at his desk, though. Standing here, so close to her, was just too delightful.

“It doesn’t even feel like I’ve forgotten the reason,” Hope said, sounding puzzled. “I don’t think I had one in the first place. It’s more like I wanted to come, because… maybe I like sickbay and loved working here?”

“You remember?” McCoy felt new hope rising inside him.

“No,” she sighed, looking crestfallen, “but I do feel comfortable here, so I guessed...”

She shrugged, and McCoy tilted his head encouragingly, sensing that there was still more she wanted to tell him.

“Oh, Doctor,” she looked straight at him, the words suddenly pouring out of her, “I know I said it’s only two years, and what’s that in the grand scheme of things. And you told me I was lucky and that I should be grateful. And I am, I really am. Things could be so much worse. But this not knowing everything about myself is driving me crazy. These gaps in my memories are scary. Does that make any sense? Don’t ask me why, but I really feel that something significant has happened in those two years, that I’m missing something … momentous.”

For a moment, McCoy was dumbstruck, with no idea how to answer. He could see it clearly now. The missing two years not only meant that she didn’t remember their love. She’d also been robbed of all the experiences that had turned her into the confident, self-assured woman she’d become. As it were, she seemed more like the insecure girl she’d been when he’d first come to know her.

She’d always been strong, very capable and mature in her work and her attitude, but emotionally, she’d come a long way in those two years, had done a lot of growing up. He’d loved the shy girl, too, of course, but he only realised now how much he missed, and needed, this amazing woman, who had returned to him from the Lexington, by his side.

“Doctor, I feel afraid. Will I ever remember?” Hope broke into his thoughts.

“Well, physically, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t,” the doctor replied, trying hard to keep his voice steady. “There’s still a chance, just give it time.”

Looking at the woman before him, gazing at him with pleading eyes and clearly expecting him to pull the proverbial rabbit out of the hat, McCoy had to briefly close his eyes to get his emotions back under control.

Screw impeccable conduct, he thought.

Hope was scared, and she needed him now. She needed warmth and reassurance and security. And she’d come to him of all people looking for it. Not to Chekov or anyone else, but to him. The least he could do was comfort her.

This time, he didn’t even ask, but just opened his arms for her, and when Hope instantly stepped into his embrace, closed them firmly around her again. McCoy held her tight, and she hesitantly wrapped her arms around his waist. A little shyly at first, but then she just nestled into his arms, as if she’d always been there. She wasn’t even crying, she just needed to be held. And suddenly, everything seemed all right with the world again.

Even though she still didn’t remember, and maybe never would, right now, a new start for them didn’t seem as unthinkable as it had only minutes ago. That she’d instinctively come to him with her fears, meant that there was still hope. He’d just be there for her, give her time to get to know him again. Falling in love had been wonderful the first time around, and maybe Jim was right. Maybe she would fall in love with him again.

And if, no, when she did, he could tell her all about those two years. She’d treasured all of their memories, delighted in reminiscing about their time together, but what she’d always enjoyed most, was him telling ‘their story’. Hope could never get enough of hearing him tell her all about how he’d fallen in love with her. Head over heels that first evening in the mess, and then a little further every day. She’d certainly love hearing all that again.  

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 39  

Jenny buried her face in the doctor’s chest, inhaling his comforting scent and relishing being wrapped in his protective embrace. She’d been longing to be this close to him again for weeks, and it felt just wonderful. To think that only minutes ago, she’d been feeling scared, alone, lost. And McCoy’s tender arms had taken all those feelings away, just like that, and replaced them with warm comfort. This was exactly what she’d been dreaming about every night. And right now, the doctor’s arms felt like the safest place in the world.

She’d been thinking about her life, her future, afraid that those missing years would come back to haunt her, not just privately, but that they might even endanger her career. Heading a department full of older, experienced scientists, when she felt like a mere cadet, barely graduated, was proving more intimidating than she’d anticipated. And all the stories about her, that people kept telling her, all those tall tales about this strong, admirable woman who was a complete stranger to her, put an almost crushing pressure to perform on her.

So, she’d done what she always did when she felt troubled or insecure. She’d come to sickbay. As if sickbay held all the answers. But she couldn’t help it, she just felt incredibly comfortable around the place and had already found herself ending up here numerous times, when she’d actually just been aimlessly wandering around the ship, lost in thought. Drawn to the place, or possibly the doctor, not just figuratively, but also literally.

Why was she so attracted to McCoy, anyway? He was older, he was moody and irascible, and yet, he was always so gentle with her. Like now. He’d been less than welcoming when she’d knocked on his door earlier, her embarrassment growing even worse when she hadn’t been able to explain what she’d actually come to sickbay for, afraid that she was starting to forget even the most recent events as well. But when he’d seen her distress, he’d gone from gruff to soft in the blink of an eye, as if all those layers of grumpiness had just fallen away to reveal his true, caring nature.

Opening his arms for her, holding her so tenderly, so protectively, had seemed to come naturally to him. Jenny might not always know where she stood with the doctor, his stressful job probably the main reason for his frequent crabbiness, those layers of grouchy irritation a protective shield against all the pain and despair he was confronted with on a daily basis, so it wouldn’t get in the way of his medical efficiency and break him emotionally. But she was absolutely certain that he’d always be there if she was in real trouble. If anyone was in real trouble, she corrected herself quickly. He was kind like that.

Even standing here like this, their arms around each other like lovers, she had to stay aware of the fact that she was really no one special to him, just another patient, another crew member. No matter how much she wished this could be more, he was not interested in her that way. She was just someone he felt protective about. Probably because he had a daughter nearly the same age, as she’d learned from Uhura only this morning over breakfast. Jenny remembered that particular conversation vividly.

“You’re sometimes too sweet for your own good, Jenny,” Uhura had said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head indulgently. “Not long ago, you even sacrificed your ticket for shore leave on the galaxy’s hottest recreation planet, so that Dr. McCoy could meet his daughter there.”

“McCoy has a daughter?” Jenny had been completely taken aback.

“Yes, he does. Joanna. Although he doesn’t get to see her often. He’s divorced. And Joanna’s almost your age, by the way.”

Oh!

That had certainly been an eye-opener. If McCoy had a daughter around the same age, that was probably why he felt so protective about her. And if she’d given him the chance to see Joanna on shore leave, he was surely grateful, too. Jenny could hardly believe how much that information had hurt, but it had, of course, explained why the doctor would never have a romantic interest in her, someone young enough to be his daughter.

Well, she could still enjoy his company. And stay in his arms as long as he let her, now that she’d finally got another chance to be close to him. Nothing had changed, really. At least not as far as he was concerned. And hadn’t the security she felt when she was with him, his protectiveness, been what had drawn her to him in the first place? She could still relish that. Yes, she’d be more than content with his friendship, if it even was that.

Despite never wanting this heavenly moment to end, Jenny found herself pulling out of the embrace after a while. McCoy hadn’t given any indication that he wanted her to, but with her arms so intimately around his waist, she suddenly felt shy again. It felt all wrong, and yet so incredibly right. Well, the way she was clinging to him, he’d hardly have the heart to push her away anytime soon. No, she had to let go first. It was certainly what he expected and patiently waited for. And she really didn’t want to test the limits of his patience.

“I’m sorry, Doctor,” Jenny smiled, pulling back and shivering against the sudden cold, as the doctor slowly let his hands slide down her arms before letting go completely, as if he wanted to make sure she was steady on her feet again. “Thank you.”

Or maybe he needed to steady himself? He’d seemed almost reluctant to let her go, too. But that was just wishful thinking.

“My pleasure, love,” McCoy drawled, his adorable accent suddenly thick, and the tenderness in his eyes, as he gazed at her, melting her heart. “You all right?”

“Better than all right,” she beamed, feeling elated, her body still glowing from his closeness and his tender touch. “This was just what I needed.”

The words were out before she realised what she was saying, and she could instantly feel the colour rising to her cheeks. The kindness he was showing her was clearly going to her head. But McCoy’s affectionate gaze never faltered.

“Told you I knew you well,” he smiled, his words sending shivers down her spine, and while she was still trying to figure out whether to feel soothed or excited, he added, “Unfortunately, I need to prepare for my next patient now, but how about having coffee with me this evening, and then we can talk some more?”

Jenny’s heart was hammering so loudly in her chest, she was afraid the doctor might hear it. She’d really missed their coffee evenings, which, for some reason, had ended abruptly several weeks ago.

“I’d like that,” she finally managed to reply, taking a couple of steps back and hearing the sliding doors hiss open behind her. “Since I used to work with you, and you said yourself that you know me well, maybe you can even tell me something about myself that Christine and Nyota haven’t yet?”

“I just might,” McCoy nodded, his voice soft and warm, his sparkling eyes following Jenny as she practically danced out of his office.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Going to see McCoy had been a mistake, Chekov thought morosely, looking past the pretty ensign from engineering, who was making eyes at him, to where Hope and McCoy were sitting in a cosy corner of the observation deck, looking as in love as they always had. It was just like before Jenny’s coma, only that it hurt so much more today, because he’d really thought he was in with a chance. Jenny had definitely been behaving differently towards him these last few weeks.

But talking to the doctor about her had been a silly idea. All he’d done was probably just remind McCoy not to let Hope slip through his fingers. Only a few hours ago, the doctor had told him to be careful and take it slow, and now he was flirting with Hope himself. Why the two of them weren’t together in the first place, was beyond him. Watching them, it was perfectly clear that they wanted each other. And why would anyone in their right mind not want Jenny, when they could so obviously have her?

But maybe it was only really her who was in love with him? Maybe the doctor just needed his ego massaged? Or even worse, just wanted her flawless body in his bed? Chekov was appalled at the very idea, feeling outraged just looking at McCoy seductively smiling at Jenny.

Granted, he didn’t actually believe that taking advantage of a woman was something the doctor would do. But his divorce had made him bitter, and he’d definitely once or twice mentioned avoiding commitment ever since. Chekov had certainly never seen McCoy in a serious relationship. And come to think of it, he’d only ever seen the doctor charm and flirt with women on shore leave, or when they were guests on the Enterprise.

Oh! There’s a thought!

Maybe that was the reason? Maybe McCoy didn’t get involved with anyone from the crew? But then, why keep Hope from finding love with anyone else? Surely, even the doctor must see how affectionate and giving Hope was. And that she needed and deserved to be truly loved and treasured in return.

-x-x-x-x-x-

McCoy hadn’t felt that good in ages. Seeing Hope so relaxed, so cheerful again, was balm to his soul. He really shouldn’t have withdrawn from her. She’d told him all about her fears, and he felt extremely guilty for not having been there for her sooner. For letting his own hurt get in the way of supporting her when she’d so desperately needed him. He’d been so busy nursing his own heartache, that he’d completely ignored that Hope might have fears of her own, simply assuming she’d be all right, not knowing what she was missing, anyway.

But he wasn’t going to let that happen again. Seeing her worries dissolve and her confidence return as they talked, made his heart swell with love and happiness. They’d always been good at reassuring and comforting each other. Nothing seemed to have changed there. Hope still chose him to confide in, trusted him to help her fix things. The realisation sent a surge of humble gratitude through him, and he made a silent promise not to fail her again.

Over the course of the evening, McCoy told her endless stories about her time in sickbay and their missions, and Hope soaked up every word. He couldn’t tell her how every little thing she’d done had made him fall crazy in love with her, of course. Didn’t mention anything about shore leave, or the night she’d spent in his arms in a cave on a mission before that. But he could tell her all about the wonderful things she’d done, from taking care of children to saving people’s lives, and let her know that he admired her for all of that.

Perhaps he’d been wrong in his assessment not to interfere with her memories. Considering that she might never actually recover those two years, maybe it was okay to give her more than just the facts. Maybe telling her of his feelings about certain events, or even whether she’d liked or enjoyed something herself, was all right. And judging from the delight on her face and the eagerness with which she kept asking for ever more details, it certainly was.

Hope had always been endearingly sentimental and loved trips down memory lane. And from the way her eyes were gleaming now, he could tell that she was enjoying herself immensely, listening to him telling her stories about things she didn’t remember. Maybe this was their new way of reminiscing, at least until they’d made new, real memories together.

When they were almost the only ones left on the observation deck, McCoy gently suggested that it was time to go to bed, and the happy mood was a little subdued when they had to go their separate ways, each to their own quarters. McCoy didn’t even dare to ‘walk her home’, as he would have loved to do, for fear of being too obvious. And afraid of not being able to simply say good night outside her quarters, of losing control and doing something stupid like kiss her. Baby steps, he told himself.

They arranged another ‘date’ for the next day, however, the doctor asking her to come see him in sickbay after her shift, since he wanted to check, and maybe update her medical knowledge a little before the landing mission the day after. Hope readily agreed, and McCoy was almost certain to see her eyes light up at the prospect of spending another evening with him.

That night, for the first time since Hope had fallen into a coma, McCoy’s bed didn’t seem as cold as it had for the past few weeks. The memory of holding her only hours before sent the warmest feelings through him. He’d had to be careful not to crush her in his eagerness to be as close to her as he possibly could, and If she hadn’t pulled away, he might not have been able to let her go at all.

As he was drifting off to sleep, smiling at the image of Hope’s animated face in his mind, he couldn’t help but wonder, if she might, somehow, be thinking about him, too, right now.

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 40  

After a very restful night, full of sweet and tender dreams, Jenny started her shift with a happy smile on her face. After everything she’d learned about herself the evening before, she felt much more confident in her role as department head again. The doctor certainly knew how to boost someone’s confidence. She still couldn’t actually remember any of it, but McCoy had described things so vividly, and in such detail, she almost felt as if she’d actually been there. The way he’d talked about her and her experiences hadn’t felt like mere stories, but like something she would actually feel or do.

Obviously, he wasn’t exaggerating, when he told me that he knows me well, she thought fondly, the realisation making her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

But last evening had turned out even better than she’d hoped for in more ways than one. McCoy might not have had hearts in his eyes, but he clearly cared for her and had put a lot of thought and research in how to help her since she’d woken up. And the tenderness in his smile and in his voice, when he’d shared his memories of her, the endless patience with which he’d answered all of her questions, had convinced her that she couldn’t have been the reason for his recurring mood swings, after all.

Her colleagues in the linguistic department seemed to sense her shift of mind, too. They’d been incredibly supportive from the day she’d returned to duty after her coma, but today, the atmosphere was buzzing with new energy, as they prepared for the upcoming landing mission.

She didn’t know about her people skills, for which McCoy had been praising her last night, but she’d certainly always loved to be and work with people. And the doctor had definitely been right, when he’d told her that she was greatly respected and appreciated by her colleagues.

The best thing about today, however, was that she’d get to spend the evening, or at least part of it, with McCoy again. On official business, of course, but she still couldn’t wait to see him again after her shift.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Entering sickbay only minutes after alpha-shift had ended, Jenny couldn’t keep the eager grin from her face, hoping the doctor wouldn’t attribute her enthusiasm to her desire to be around him, but rather to her looking forward to brushing up on her medical skills.

“The doctor’s already waiting for you in his office,” Christine greeted her with a nod towards the open door.

“Thanks, Christine!” Jenny replied, hurrying by, then stopped in her tracks, when she saw her friend’s knowing smile.

“What?” she laughed, raising a quizzical eyebrow at Chapel.

“Nothing,” Christine shook her head, “it’s just good to have things back to normal.”

When it became clear that the nurse wasn’t offering any further explanation, Jenny continued on her way, making a mental note to grill her friend about this some more later.

The doctor, it seemed, had indeed been waiting for her, since he’d already prepared a few medical instruments on his desk, and also put the training dummy, in what looked like a rather painful position, right in the middle of his office floor.

“Hello, Hope,” McCoy greeted her with an easy smile, then pointed towards the dummy and grinned, “and right on time, too. Can’t wait to get your hands on my poor friend here, can you?”

“He looks quite a mess,” Jenny giggled. “Whatever happened to the guy?”

“Well, that’s for you to find out, my dear,” the doctor chuckled. “I hope you can help him. Let’s see, if you’ve still got it!”

Jenny felt her heart beat faster. What was she supposed to do now? She briefly closed her eyes, unsure where to start. But then, looking back at the dummy, she just let her body take over, her brain following right after, as suddenly every move, every step of the procedure was coming back to her.

She could feel McCoy’s watchful eyes on her while she was working away, and it should have made her feel nervous. But, surprisingly, all it did was give her a warm, glowing feeling inside.

When she was done, the dummy safely recuperating on the doctor’s couch, Jenny looked expectantly at McCoy, and was rewarded with an appreciative nod and a thumbs-up.

“Your medical knowledge is definitely still there,” the doctor smiled. “What you did was way more than your standard first aid training would provide. I’m impressed.”

“Thank you!” Jenny beamed, unable to suppress a little victorious squeal, and raising her hand for a high-five. “I remember it all. That’s amazing!”

She was just about to drop her hand again, realising that it wasn’t really a 23rd century thing to do, when McCoy clapped his hand against hers with a wide grin on his face, the move seeming so natural, as if it were something he did every day.

I’ve quite obviously taught the crew some old traditions, Jenny thought amusedly.

“Come over here, now, Hope,” the doctor beckoned her over to his desk, “look at these instruments and tell me everything you know about them.”

It was easy. And to see her delight at finding all the knowledge still there mirrored in McCoy’s eyes, made her heart brim over with pride and joy.

“So, if this is still all there in my subconscious, then there’s still hope for my other memories, too, right?” Jenny raised hopeful eyes to McCoy’s.

“Well, yes! Considering that you remembered all the linguistic stuff, too, it sure is,” the doctor smiled encouragingly at her.

“Oh, the ‘linguistic stuff’ is not that surprising, really. I can rarely tell what information I’ve acquired during those last two years and what I’ve already known before, anyway. But this,” she waved her hand around the doctor’s office, “I really didn’t know anything about. Well, apart from the mere basics, of course.”

McCoy was beaming at her with such affection as she rambled on, overwhelmed by happiness, that Jenny wanted to throw herself into his arms right there and then.

“And if I remember all this, it’s still possible for me to regain my other memories as well, isn’t it?” she needed to check one more time.

“Yes, it is,” the doctor replied softly, and all of a sudden, Jenny didn’t know what to do with all the hopeful joy she was feeling.

How could she have known that her recovering all of her memories didn’t mean half as much to her as it did to him?

“Time for another hug?” McCoy suddenly asked, obviously sensing that her emotions were bubbling over.

This time she didn’t even wait for him to open his arms, and just flung herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Oh Doctor, I’m going to remember everything, I just know it!” she exclaimed, her voice muffled against his shirt, feeling his chuckles vibrating in his chest, as he closed his arms tightly around her waist.

“I’ve missed this,” McCoy laughed affectionately, clutching her to him, “this …  ebullience.”

Jenny pulled back again, releasing the doctor and grinning sheepishly. She couldn’t make a habit of falling into his arms and just staying there. But even this short hug had felt like a little piece of heaven.

“Sorry Doctor,” she apologised, taking two steps back and straightening out her uniform, “I didn’t mean to be so forward, but I’m just having such a good day.”

McCoy perched on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms in front of his chest, his smiling eyes never leaving her face.

“So you’ve had a good day today?” he grinned in this adorable way that lit up his whole face and made you wonder how he ever managed to look grumpy at all.

“A very good one,” Jenny confirmed. “Thanks to you.”

“Me?” he asked, taken aback. “What did I do?”

Jenny couldn’t help laughing at the genuine confusion on his face.

“Yes, you,” she repeated quietly. “You have no idea how much last evening meant to me. You’ve helped me so much, and I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to tell me all those little details about myself, for restoring my confidence in myself. I feel so much better now, and I’m sure my whole department does, too. Which is really a good thing, given that we’re going planetside tomorrow.”

McCoy just looked at her, his kind eyes searching her face, but for what, she had no idea.

Just as Jenny was starting to feel a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny, he finally asked, “Nervous about tomorrow?”

Jenny just shrugged. Of course, she was.

“No need to be,” he said softly, his voice low and soothing. “You’ll do great.”

“Was I nervous before my actual first assignment?”

“A little,” the doctor smiled, tilting his head to the side and gazing warmly at her.

“I’m glad you’re coming, too. I feel safer when you’re around,” Jenny murmured, immediately hating how immature and insecure she sounded, but McCoy’s gaze just softened even more.

“Happy to hear that,” he replied, “but you’d be perfectly fine on you own, too.”

“Says the man who’s constantly kept an eye on me since the moment I woke up,” she chuckled, her heart melting, as she thought about how he’d always managed to show up somewhere close by, even after one of his mood swings had had him run off in a hurry shortly before.

“That obvious, huh?” McCoy grinned self-consciously, shaking his head slightly.  

“Don’t worry,” Jenny said quickly, not wanting him to feel bad about caring. “It gives me security, I like it.”

Then she suddenly remembered him being a father.

“Have you always been looking out for me?” she asked, wishing she could just reach out and touch him. “I mean, even before?”

McCoy just tilted his head again, which she took as a yes.

“And did I not like it then?”

Jenny was curious now. Surely, she’d have appreciated someone trying to keep her safe?

“Maybe not all the time,” the doctor chuckled, looking at her almost lovingly. “You’re quite a strong and capable lady. But you know that, of course.”

Jenny smiled and shook her head. When had this conversation become so intimate? She suddenly felt as if she knew the doctor. Really knew him. They’d definitely been close before. That’s probably what Christine had meant earlier, it suddenly occurred to her.

McCoy really liked her, she could feel it. And come to think about it, he did sometimes act like an overprotective father. The only question was, had she seen him as a father-figure before? Or had she always had this silly crush on him? She might never know, she realised. And she could just as easily have been in love with Chekov or anyone else, and not remember it.

Blasted amnesia!

“Am I different than before?” she suddenly blurted.

McCoy looked at her pensively for a long time, a tender smile on his lips. He had this gift for making people feel special when he talked to them, for showing them they mattered. The way he listened so attentively, carefully thinking about his answers, completely focused on whoever he was talking to, as if there were no place he’d rather be. Jenny had observed this numerous times, both professionally in sickbay and privately in the mess or recreation room. And she certainly enjoyed it, whenever she was being the centre of his attention. Like now.

“Not really,” the doctor said after a while. “A little less confident, maybe, since some or your experience is missing. In a way, you’re more like the woman you were when you first came aboard the Enterprise. An endearing trace of shyness and insecurity underneath all that strength and sass. But other than that, you’re completely the same. Brave, kind and brilliant.”

Jenny’s heart was threatening to spill over at his words, his approval suddenly seeming the most important thing in the world.

“But you don’t have to worry, love,” he went on, her heart skipping a beat like it did every time he called her ‘love’, even though she knew he was very generous with terms of endearment when talking to patients. “Even if you don’t get all of the last two years back, and I still think there’s a great chance you will, you’ll soon grow to be the person, you were only a few weeks ago, again. And going on that mission tomorrow is a first step.”

While Jenny was still processing everything the doctor had just said, he glanced at the chronometer, then put a gentle hand to the small of her back and smilingly steered her towards the door.

“Speaking of which,” he grinned, as the doors slid shut behind them, “I think it’s time to grab something to eat and then go rest up for tomorrow!”

-x-x-x-x-x-

Continue to:     Chapters 41-45            Chapters 46-50                      Chapters 51-55                           Chapters 56-60                         Chapters 61-65                     Chapters 66-70              Chapter 71         

Go back to: Chapters 1-5 Chapters 6-10 Chapters 11-15   Chapters 16-20   Chapters 21-25 Chapters 26-30   Chapters 31-35   

Or read it on AO3: Another Life

************ Disclaimer: Nothing of or associated with Star Trek is mine – it all belongs to Paramount / ViacomCBS (or whoever else is currently holding the rights). This is a work of fanfiction, no infringement intended.

[gatewaygeek]

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” -Oscar Wilde

Jim Kirk has spent his life trying to be more than the sum of his circumstances. He was born with a lot of advantages; born in the Federation, born with a family, had a roof over his head (for the most part), he was intelligent and did well in school, and always managed to find food and comfort. That being said, he was also given a fair few disadvantages; father died the day he was born, forced to live with an abusive Uncle, lost almost all connection with his brother, forced to go to a boarding school, forced to survive and take are of nine other children during the Tarsus IV massacre. And though it was many years before he became the noble, honest Captain that Spock befriended, Spock knew that there were aspects of Jim Kirk’s confidence, perseverance, and determination that could not be learned, only born with. He was a man who fought tooth and nail to survive, to make a name for himself, and to prove to the universe that anyone can overcome the space they occupy and be more. 

As much as Spock didn’t want to admit it to himself, and would never admit it out loud (partly out of fear that Doctor McCoy would hear it), Spock was jealous of the man’s at times reckless, or even aggressive, optimism. The Vulcan had been born into a life of luxury, his father was one of the most well-known ambassadors in the quadrant and had even made strides to make peace talks with the Romulans, often seen as a modern day Surak with his impressive use of logic--despite his “lapse in judgement” when he married Amanda Grayson and fathered a hyrbid son. Spock had a large, protective pet who imprinted on him when he was born, and a loving, doting mother who sacrificed everything to give him a good life. However, that’s not to say he didn’t face his own adversity, being half-human on Vulcan was hardly something to be proud of. He had more than his fair share of abuse and general degradation from his peers, and spent the majority of his life up to this point confused and frustrated over who he was supposed to be. Xenophobia is alive and well, no matter the species, and no matter the age.

But when Spock met Jim, the man gave him a wide smile and told him that he liked how blue looks on him, gave him an almost perfect ta’al, and then got to showing Spock around the ship and discussing ways they might improve certain areas. He was generous, and thoughtful, and Spock thought it might be easier if Jim wasn’t so... warm. He remembered thinking rather naively that this is how all humans were, acting without a care in the world, oblivious to the hardships they were likely to face on this journey, and then he read Jim’s file. He noticed that it was a public file (meaning any officer could open it, including ensigns and cadets), and Jim didn’t hide anything. He noted his time on Tarsus IV, his only living relative being his mother, and that his father was, indeed, George Kirk. Spock learned the rest over the next three years as the two became more trusting of each other; Jim had even referred to Spock as his best friend, knowing more about him than anyone on the ship (except perhaps for the aforementioned Doctor McCoy). Jim had been through so much more difficult and pressing things, and yet, never once seemed annoyed when Spock admitted his own hardships as a child. 

Spock had asked him about this once. His Captain explained to him that only a fool uses his pain to judge others. Spock pointed out that most humans use their pain as a reference point. Jim just smiled and said;

“Well, that says a lot about them, doesn’t it?”

Spock knew that it said a lot about himself, too. 

Another thing that Jim did that had it been any other human, would have inhibited them from doing was that he was so unabashedly kind. Spock was cold, even by Vulcan standards, mostly because he spent a large portion of his life trying to achieve the idea of the perfect emotionless Vulcan, and partly because of his own trust issues. But Jim was authentic and warm, and had so much love to give to all of his crew, all the while remaining respectful and professional. He was absolutely diplomatic in everything he did, and firm when he needed to be, and seemed to always know when it was the right time to speak, and when it was the right time to remain silent. And while Spock had a general sense of the same thing, when he didn’t know, he often just remained silent, whereas Jim knew exactly the right thing to say and how to say it. There was a reason Starfleet sent the Enterprise to handle delicate negotiations. 

“Jimmy can sweet-talk his way into anything.” 

The words had been spoken at a party that Jim had coerced Spock into going to six months into their five year mission by a drunken Doctor McCoy. Spock was aware of the meaning, it was something his mother mentioned every now and again. He remembered her being especially capable in the skill, managing to ‘sweet-talk’ his father into talking the two with them on trips to the safer planets. Those trips eventually died out when Spock got older. But the First Officer didn’t know just how true those words would eventually become over time. 

But perhaps the most astounding thing about Jim Kirk was his honesty. Spock spent a long time lying to himself about what he was, telling himself that if he abided by Surak’s teachings, had some kind of disregard for Humans as most Vulcans do, and repeated the mantra of ‘I am Vulcan’, then maybe one day he could believe it, and maybe then he would no longer be questioned about being Vulcan. But Spock has come to understand that the questions will never stop, only be repeated, and if people stop asking them, the truth never changes. But truth is an ever-evolving concept, especially regarding the development of a person. Spock had to come to terms with the truth: and the truth is, Spock wasn’t entirely Vulcan, and he had to accept that, or his true self would never fully be realized. It is incredibly hard to lie around such an honest man, even to oneself. 

It was these things that made Spock realize he had developed something of a romantic attraction to Jim. It wasn’t logical, not in any right. It was never logical to want to mate with a superior. But Jim was so respectful of his boundaries and his heritage, challenging him, and stroking his ego when he needed it. He would compliment Spock, and Spock knew that he truly meant it, because Jim didn’t lie unless he was under order to (and Jim liked to compliment Spock quite a bit). He would stand up for Spock, and he would let Spock fight his own battles. He was everything that the universe told him he couldn’t be. And Spock loved him. 

Oh, Spock loved him.

[trade-baby-blues]

Routine

Pairing: Jim Kirk x Reader 

Word Count: 1625

Warnings: ANGST, depression, mentions of character death

A/N: So, uh...this was supposed to be a Christmas story...based on this prompt: “Character A and Character B broke up, but now they meet at a Christmas party” requested by an anon. We’re gonna pretend it’s at Christmas 😅

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Go to work. Wake up. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Go to work. It was more than routine - it was mechanical. You were a robot trying to ignore the gaping hole in your chest, trying to figure out how to function like a human when your world had stopped turning months ago, when every color seemed dull compared to the piercing blue eyes that still plagued your dreams. Things were easier this way. Wake up. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Go to work.

The same music played through your office as you typed, Mozart’s Toccata and Fugue. It was the farthest you could get from the 1980s alternative hip hop your ex always listened to. You could still remember the way his eyes would light up whenever a Beastie Boys song came on. No matter where he was or what he was doing, he’d stop everything to jam out on an air guitar like no one was watching. You were, of course. You could never tear your eyes away from him in moments like these. It was the only time that Jim really seemed to completely let loose.

“Helloooo. Anyone home?” Your boss waved his hand in front of your face. You pulled the pen from between your lips, teeth marks all over the cap. How long had you been zoned out this time?  

“Sorry, sir. I’m just...out of it today.” You offered him a weak smile, trying to ignore the pity in his eyes.

He put his hand on your shoulder. A fatherly gesture that made you realize how long it's been since you’d been touched by someone else. “If you need to take a day…”

“No, I’m...I’m fine. I need to work. We should get back to the meeting.” Your boss frowned but made no attempt to argue as he dived back in.

You gasped for breath as your eyes snapped open. You had to get up. Had to get out. The sheets tightened around your legs and your throat. You couldn't breathe. Then you were falling, falling until your head caught the edge of the nightstand and your elbow hit the floor. The room spun. Your heart raced. You closed your eyes and tried to focus on anything but the lifeless blue eyes branded onto your mind and the cruel laugh that followed you around every corner.

Blood slid from the wound on your forehead down your cheek, down your neck like a lover’s caress. Every logical brain cell in your body screamed for you to ignore it, to get up, to follow routine, but something sinister twisted inside you. A dragon roaring to life in the cold furnace of your chest. You were a puppet on imaginary strings, watching as your arm was lifted, as your fingers touched your forehead and came away crimson. Then, the dragon spread its wings and took flight, dragging you kicking and screaming with it as the room fell away from you, replaced by screeching metal and blaring alarms.

You were back on the Enterprise, your first field mission since graduating from Starfleet. It wasn't common for journalists to accompany crew on long missions, but the Enterprise wasn't a common ship. Everyone in the fleet wanted to know more about the ship, led by the larger-than-life James Kirk. Your job was to profile the crew, to highlight the faces behind the best ship in the galaxy. You spent a lot of time getting to know everyone, especially Jim.

You tried to remain professional but interviewing him became harder and harder the more time you spent together. You wanted to know more about Jim than his inspirations and his dreams. You wanted to know everything - what food he liked, which side of the bed he preferred, what made him feel safe. Most of all, you wanted to know what made him smile.

Once you found out, it was all you could do. His smile was so intoxicating. When the two of you were alone and he gave you that special smile he reserved for you. God, there was nothing more beautiful in the ‘verse. His entire face lit up, and the edges of his eyes would wrinkle. He smiled with his whole body, his whole being, and it filled you with longing to do better, to be better so you could see that smile for the rest of your life.

Then Pike died and Jim stopped smiling.

Then Khan came and Jim stopped breathing.

You watched him, through inch thick glass and steel as the light you’d spent the last few months worshipping faded away, throwing the deepest parts of you into darkness. Everything else drained from you, leaving one thought in your mind. One thought that forced you to your feet, to the ground after Khan. All thoughts of risk died with Jim. If you couldn't beat Khan, maybe he’d at least have the mercy to kill you.

He did, for a short time. Until, Dr. McCoy brought your body back to life. You weren't so sure about the rest. Every time you looked in the mirror you still saw a corpse. You dreamt of death, of something in the darkness with Khan’s face and Khan’s voice but the twisted body of a creature unknown to you wrapping its icy hands around your throat until you were gasping for air, begging for mercy, for death, for Jim but he wasn't there. He couldn't be there. He was wrestling with his own demons.

From an outsider’s view, things got better. Your profiles were published. You wrote a book about your experience with Khan and your tryst with death. People stopped you in the street to congratulate your bravery, to ask you what was next. You couldn't tell them, not because you couldn't see the future but because you couldn't see a future at all.

That’s why your therapist suggested a routine. Get up. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Go to work. The same thing every day, so there was no question what the future would hold. It would be more of the same. Get up. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Go to work. It was enough to keep you on track most days. As you stared at the drying blood on your fingers, though, you knew it wouldn't help today.

You fumbled through the drawer in your nightstand for your phone, typing a message to Bones. Bad day. Need help. Even those four words took tremendous energy, and you let the phone tumble from your hands once the message was sent. You blinked, and he was beside you, gingerly touching the cut on your head, feeling for any broken bones in your arm.

He talked like he was underwater, touched you as if through a blanket. Bones held your hands in his, forcing you to breathe with him until the world came back into focus. He didn't say anything as he packed up his med kit. You didn't say anything as you watched him. How many times had you been here before?

“I’m having a party tomorrow,” Bones said. “You should come.”

“Not really a partier,” someone said. It was your voice, you were sure of it. But it was distant. Hollow.

Bones sighed, closing his eyes. “It’ll be good for you to get out for a night.” He walked to the side of your bed. “The crew misses you. I miss you.” He pressed a kiss over the bandage on your scalp, keeping a hand under your chin. You savored the feel of it. “At least think about it.” You nodded. Bones knew that was good as he’d get and walked to the door. He sent you one last look, but you were already far away again.

He came back the next day, dress in hand, determined to take you out. You didn't fight him, and soon you were back at his place, standing by the window overlooking the city. It looked peaceful from up here. You wondered what peace felt like. Then a hand slid onto the small of your back like a key into a lock, two parts created solely for each other. You looked into the window and saw a ghost.

“You look beautiful,” Jim whispered.

You looked through him, out over the city, the empty furnace of your heart trying to sputter to life. “I know how to clean up.” A smile with nothing behind it.

Jim watched your reflection, more dazzling than any he’d ever seen. Silence fell but he kept his hand in place, hoping that alone would say everything he couldn't bring himself to.

“What are we doing,” you asked, though you weren't sure if you were talking to Jim’s reflection or your own.

“Enjoying the city.”

“I should go,” you muttered. Jim tightened his grip around your waist. You looked away from his reflection, as if seeing the real Jim for the first time. Past the tiredness on his face and the emptiness in his smile, you thought you could see fear in his eyes as they slowly locked with yours.

“Stay,” he whispered. “Please.

“We've done this before. I-”

“Wrote the book on it. Literally.” You let his words sink in but could find no bitterness. There was a spark of joy gone as soon as it was lit. Jim put his free hand on your cheek, brushing your skin with his thumb. His lips were parted in awe of you. You reached your hand up to his jaw, feeling the familiar warmth of his skin, the scratch of stubble as he turned his head to press his lips to the palm of your hand. You felt his lips move against your skin as he whispered, “I think I'm ready for the sequel.”

Tags: 

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[kinetic-elaboration]

April 25: 2x16 The Gamesters of Triskelion

Finally watched some more Star Trek. I feel like it’s been forever...

Today’s ep is The Gamesters of Triskelion, which is... okay. It’s not terrible but I think its best aspects are the most familiar: the type of alien, the moral values at play; and its weakest are its most unique.

I think Spock likes it when Kirk says “mind the store.” What a folksy human thing to say!

Plus now that he’s Captain he gets to sit in the chair.

This conversation between Spock and Scotty is hilarious. “I’m assuming you mean they disappeared in an unusual way??” “Uh, yeah?? Do you think I’m dumb?”

This alien looks like Lady Gaga c. 2010

Kirk is being very Dramatic today.

Come on, Spock, gotta get your man.

You know Spock is worried when he mentions hope. That is, as McCoy says, a human emotion.

“Collars of obedience.” Kinky.

Stylish pink jail.

I’m really feeling this Spock and Bones interaction today. That’s a great eyebrow lift.

If the random alien is leaving, Uhura must have been his ass down.

“Nourishment interval.” We need to bring this into our modern vocabulary.

Not one, but TWO ladies in command gold today (one at Communications, and one at Spock’s station).

Wild aquatic fowl.

I feel like this episode is another example of a writer putting her alien sex fantasy on television. Like, a hardcore alien sex fantasy. The obedience collars, the training harness, the whipping, the weird flirtation between Chekov and his “training thrall”--herself a very androgynous alien, just to throw some gender play in there.

Kirk turning up the charm again. I missed Charming!Kirk. I mean, picking up a silver platter to use as a mirror and saying “That’s beautiful”? This man has no shame.

I feel like this episode shows how Spock’s logic is actually a very effective life strategy. He’s facing a very mysterious situation with high stakes--literally his best friend/soulmate/captain lost, plus two more crewmen--but he isn’t defeatist like McCoy or defensive like Scotty. He just follows the evidence, even when the evidence seems wild. And he was right.

Detective Kirk time!

“Are they computers?” He’s hoping so, since he’s very good at defeating computerized enemies.

Could it be instead another example of aliens who have transcended their physical bodies?

He is really laying the charm offensive on thick here.

I get how people have vague memories of TOS and remember Kirk as slutty, because certainly there are lots of shots of him kissing ladies, but like... 90% of the time he's using charm as a weapon, like he doesn't like Lady Gaga, he just wants to get off this planet.

“Love, for one thing.” Time for Kirk to be a Romantic Nerd again. He sure does love love!!

See imo just as it’s ridiculous for him to limit love to being one of the most important things on Earth, since he barely even spends any time on Earth and his general thesis is about what all intelligent creatures can care about besides their basic needs being met by “Providers,” I think it’s silly to limit love to being between men and women. And just as he’s kinda lying about the Earth thing, I think he’s lying about the heterosexual thing.

People in love “live together, help each other, make each other happy.” I love his definitions of love!! Like with Edith, he center helping each other in the definition.

McCoy and Scotty think they can take on Spock lmao. The Captain’s life is at stake; he’s not fooling around. And he’s right too so y’all can shush!!

Honestly, that leaning down to talk quietly to them--I know it’s because he doesn’t want to say the word “mutiny” too loud where other people can hear him, but it really reads like he’s mocking them.

Shauhna is harassed at work.

Spock’s like ‘screw a landing party, I will retrieve my space husband by myself... and I guess McCoy can come too.’

McCoy’s voice was the one Kirk heard but he still calls out to Spock.

Mmm, yes, disembodied alien brains.

I like the painted background behind them, too. Which is apparently stolen from Devil in the Dark. S2 needs more painted backgrounds.

“You think YOU’RE competitive? A race that does nothing but gamble? Well you’ve never met humans lol.”

Since when has Kirk ever competed for a woman? Hardly a competition when he always wins.

“Fresh thrall” something so... ugh about that phrase.

Ah, yes, an Andorian.

I’m starting to feel like this is Spock’s Pre-Reform Vulcan Sex Fantasy.

I feel like Shauhna will eventually become the leader of the Triskellion people. My mom thinks it would be cool for Kirk to meet her again in the future. I feel like there’s a fanfic in there somewhere...

“I didn’t lie, I just...lied.”

Honestly, don’t bother leaving everything to these disembodied colorful brains, just take Shauhna with you and enlist her in Starfleet. Or at least, like, high school.

...And after all that she STILL has a crush on Kirk. The man is too powerful.

What, no return to the Enterprise? No Kirk appearing shirtless on the bridge? No everyone acknowledges that Spock was right the whole time? No awkward little joking time?

I guess perhaps Kirk is embarrassed.

So overall... again, B basically.

As far as commonly used tropes in Star Trek go, this one is actually one of my favorite ones. I like it more than “godlike man must be defeated” and probably even more than “computer runs society,” though not as much as “old Earth tech becomes sentient.” But generally speaking “aliens transcend corporeal bodies by becoming too smart” is a good trope and I like seeing the different spins on it: the Organians, who can choose corporeal bodies if they want and are incredibly peaceful; the aliens from Return to Tomorrow, who wish they still had bodies; the aliens from The Cage/The Menagerie, who do have bodies but can’t do much with them, who must rely on aliens they capture to do physical work on the planet’s surface for them; and these aliens, who are so bored they must rely on arbitrary wagers using enslaved aliens just to have something to do. There’s something sort of... sad but fitting about that fate. Understandable, awful, pathetic. Still, I wouldn’t call this my favorite take on the trope.

But the specifics of the story, outside the “brain-aliens trope,” I didn’t like so much. The BDSM kink stuff mixed in with like actual slavery made me super uncomfortable. I know it’s based on Ancient Rome but like... even though it was a clear bread and circuses situation, that was not what I was thinking of tbqh.

This is a good episode for showcasing Star Trek Values, which overall I would say are my values. I do see how some people today would criticize them for being a little... well. How to say it. Colonizer-savior. I completely disagree that this is the reading that should be given to them and in fact I think it’s a bad faith reading but people are the way they are and certain things are in vogue sometimes and not others, so. I just mean that when Kirk says that they (the Federation, one would assume) have helped other civilizations “progress” or whatever word he uses, it sounds a little like they came in and made alien societies better using their own values. But I would say that what we actually see, in specific examples throughout the series, is the Federation wanting the civilizations it interacts with to be free, in fact requiring members state to be free, and that is really the one value a free society can impose on others or require of others--choosing slavery or dominion is choosing to relinquish all future choices, and thus cannot be allowed by any society that values freedom. That catch-22 that we see so much now. So, my point is, I think the values Kirk epitomizes for the show are freedom, self-determination, and a certain conception of progress, too: the ability to grow and develop, the avoidance of stagnation. And certainly this episode shows a clear case: having everything provided for you in exchange for being the professional playthings of a bunch of disembodied brains is objectively bad! Surely we can all agree on that. But this obvious example is used as an excuse for Kirk to speechify on the topic of what a utopian future will look like, what the best of humans can be, and what the rest of the universe could be like if it learns from our best traits (and not our worst). Which is overall something I find very comforting.

I’d just been thinking, at the beginning of this episode, that I think S1 is a better Kirk season than S2. S2 has too many episodes that problematize his leadership or his heroism, or that barely even use him--even episodes like The Trouble With Tribbles that outright mischaracterize him imo. But this episode really was Classic Kirk and I appreciated that. We see him being charming, smart, selfless, strong, creative, romantic... coming in at the end to embody the utopian values of the series.

Spock was so well characterized and so smart and so heroic, too, that he kinda was the mvp for me, though... Don’t take away my Kirk stan card lol. Spock was just so In Command... You can see how he could become a captain later, even if being in command never really interested him much.

I don’t entirely get why Kirk bargained for the thralls to all stay and make their own government (or to be trained in self-governance by their enslavers... a whole different issue tbqh), given that it’s already been established that most/all of them have been kidnapped from other planets. Should they not be... returned?

And if most/all of them are 2nd or later generations, that’s a whole other complex issue that could perhaps use third party mediators or something...

I also wondered about Shahna's origins. Was she the descendant of another civilization that is native to the planet, or is it just that her people were kidnapped so much earlier that she herself, personally, has never lived anywhere else?

I think it both makes more sense and is a more fitting ending if it’s the first. It makes sense to me that the first peoples enslaved by the brains were natives of the planet: more convenient that way. Also, I think we need to see more alien planets with more than one humanoid or human-intelligence level species.

And, if her people are native to the planet, having them become leaders of their own right again and not just possessions of the glowing brains is more powerful. Otherwise it's kinda sad: yes, they can form their own government here, but they've still been robbed of their real history and their real homeland, which they don't even remember.

Also as my mom pointed out, it’s not clear the brains themselves are native to the planet. They could have been invaders--the last real thing they did before they started wagering fake money--and Shauhna’s people the natives.

I really did like Shahna a lot and I hope she becomes the leader of whatever government they set up and eventually does get to travel into space.

Imo this was one of those TOS eps where the potential back story and the hints of world building are more interesting than the actual story.

Also apparently the actor who played Galt was trying to walk in a gliding manner so it wouldn’t be clear what he was hiding under those robes and... I have to say, definitely wheels.

Next up is A Piece of the Action, one of my favorites. Great plot, great fun, great sci fi concept, great Kirk material!

[per-ineptia-ad-astra]

Star Trek GK #27: Ice Journey

Our story begins with Kirk lamenting that they appear to have caused a civil war, possibly because the mere sight of those yellow suits drove people to violence. “This isn’t war,” the woman on the right helpfully tells us, “it’s madness!” It’s quite reasonable for her to be shocked, of course, since after all wars are usually very organized and polite affairs.

[ID: A comic splash page featuring three people in tight-fitting off-yellow jumpsuits on an icy planet while a group of blue humanoids with turtle-like shells fights a group of red humanoids in turtle-like shells in the background. The figure on the far left is saying, “I don’t believe it! We’re responsible for creating civil war in this planet! It’s impossible! The figure in the center is saying, “Illogical, Captain, not impossible!” The figure on the right is saying, “This isn’t war, it’s madness!”]

So last time they blew up a planet and this time they’ve started a civil war. I think I’m starting to see a pattern here.

The opening captain’s log tells us that the Enterprise is going to the planet Floe 1 to do a ‘special survey assignment.’ Scotty is apprehensive.

[ID: Scotty and Sulu facing each other in profile. Scotty is saying, “Darn right ye are—it’s hard enough to imagine being down there, our bones shivering away in the coldest planet of the federation!”]

Don’t worry Scotty, McCoy’s not even in this issue.

Kirk tells Scotty not to fret because he doesn’t have to do anything; only Kirk, Spock, and Dr. Krisp (whoever she is) are going down to the planet, and Kirk doesn’t anticipate any trouble because the Floe people are peaceful and cooperative—at least, according to the Federation annals. But Spock thinks there must be something up because “if there weren’t anything irregular about this planet, it would be highly illogical for the Federation to waste our time on a mere population survey...” Spock, buddy, I don’t know how to tell you this, but the Federation makes you run stupider errands than this all the time. Remember when you had to take your entire ship to go make sure two people got a routine checkup? Yeah.

The three of them suit up in their special ‘anti-freeze uniforms.’ Dr. Krisp reminds Kirk that if they breathe through their mouths or noses “the rapid condensation of our breaths in the atmosphere will choke us, so they’re to communicate through telepathy. Wait. What? TELEPATHY? WHEN DID THAT BECOME AN OPTION??

[ID: Spock zipping up his jumpsuit with a weirdly smug look on his face and saying, “Really?”]

ya rly

Spock thinks this is odd because their ‘screentest’ (what? Did they audition these people for a movie?) showed that the Floe people have a very similar metabolism to Earth people, also known as ‘humans’. Dr. Krisp says that’s one of the oddities that made her want to join the landing party. Oh, well, that explains everything, then.

[ID: Spock, Kirk and Krisp walking on to the bridge in their jumpsuits. Scotty, sitting in the captain’s chair, is saying, “Well! Look at this elegant trio! It makes me want to play bagpipes, it does!”]

thanks Scotty

Boy, that bridge sure doesn’t look like it does in the show. I’ll give them one thing, though: those sheer dorkiness of those outfits definitely is authentic to the show.

Sulu says the Floe people are expecting them and Kirk is all ready to depart, but the rest of the landing party reminds him to first grab some phasers and...tele-radios…?

[ID: Two comic panels. 1: Spock holding out two pink phasers and saying, “Right, Captain, but let’s not forget about these phasers...” 2. Dr. Krisp holding out two green devices and saying, “Or these tele-radios...who knows, if all goes well, maybe Scotty can beam down some background music and make the job less boring...”]

I guess all the communicators were broken. And presumably all the regular phasers, which is why they have to take the bright pink ones.

So they beam down to the ice.

[ID: Spock standing on an icefield, looking at his feet and saying, “I must say, these feet-binders are exceptionally well-built, Dr. Krisp...Earth people can be exceptionally practical at times...” In the background Kirk is looking at some domes rising out of the ice while Dr. Krisp turns back to Spock and says, “I told the engineer we were going on a special mission, not ice-skating...”]

yeah but on Earth we usually call them ‘shoes’

So much for communicating through telepathy. Or maybe they are? Maybe that explains how people are able to regularly talk with their mouths closed in these comics. Anyway, one would have thought that the extremely practical Earth people might have included some face masks with those suits, considering that apparently breathing out is deadly on this planet, but whatever.

There seems to be no one there at first, but then they start hearing some weird noises (like ‘fraaash’ and ‘fzoooom’) and suddenly the delegation appears nearby. They look like, well.

[ID: Kirk facing two approaching figures, who are humanoid with red scaly skin, sharply domed heads, and turtle-like shells over their chests, wearing no clothing except for a belt with a gun holster on the foremost one. Kirk is saying, “Thank you, delegate! I must say I wasn’t entirely prepared for...” and the foremost turtle-man says, “Meeting people who look like your Earth turtles?”]

For an extremely loose definition of ‘turtle’, sure.

Another turtle person approaches and welcomes Spock and Krisp (Kirk, apparently, is not welcome). “My name is Amara,” she says. “Delegate I, Sunaro, is my counter-leader...I believe you have met him...” Yeah, uh, we met him five seconds ago. Right here. You were there.

Apparently in the turtle system of government there are two parties, represented by Amara and Sunaro, but they’re both in power at once. “She does nothing without consulting me and I do nothing without consulting her...” Sunaro explains. And you actually manage to get things done that way? Wow, these people really ARE alien. I mean, the turtle thing is whatever, but that is unbelievable.

Spock wants to get going to the city to find out more about these weird turts and their weird government. Kirk asks if they’re not already in the city, but it turns out that the weird dome things standing around aren’t a part of the city—they contain the city, which is completely covered. As they approach one of these domes a chute opens out, which appears to be on fire. Then something weird happens.

[ID: Two turtle people stand in the flames gushing out of a chute in a wall, their shells melting off their torsos. Offscreen two people are saying, “So that’s it! They’re cracking their shells! That’s what the noise is all about!” and “Yes, now I see it! They have adapted to their rapidly changing atmospheric condition by sprouting protective shells whenever they are exposed to it...” A third person standing in the corner of the frame says, “And cracking them open whenever they enter a temperature which is right for their metabolism!”]

Dunno how well you can be protected from deadly cold by a shell that only covers your torso, but whatever. Kirk asks if this means the turts have “beaten time...or at least adapted to their environment with the same incredible velocity that their atmosphere appears to have changed?” Evidently so, Spock says, because “according to my calculations, this planet circles away from its sun and towards glaciation at the rate of an Earth century a year!” Wait, what? What does that even mean? Does Spock think Earth moves further away from the sun every hundred years?

Dr. Krisp says that the thing that puzzles her (...only one?) is that “even in the most advanced civilizations only a few beings manage to adapt completely! The rest either perish or...” Or what? Don’t leave us hanging here.

Spock wonders to himself just how many of the turts actually survived, and if this is really why the Federation wanted them to do a population survey. But at that point the turts turn the tables, training guns on the crew and saying that it looks like their mission won’t be pleasant after all because “your two learned colleagues have spoiled the fun.” I don’t know how they read Spock’s thought bubble. Maybe his telepathy was too loud. Anyway, Kirk gets grabbed by Sunaro while Amara shoots at the ground under Spock and Dr. Krisp, causing them to fall while Spock exclaims that his phaser is dead. Man, I knew we shouldn’t have brought the pink phasers.

Up on the ship a helmsman who might or might not be Sulu, it’s a little hard to tell, says he thinks he heard someone “beep on the radio” but now it’s gone. Scotty and Uhura both figure they should wait a while and not jump to any conclusions, though—no need to worry, the landing party will call if they need something. I mean, there’s never been a time when a landing party needed to contact the Enterprise and wasn’t able to.

But then Kirk does call them up. Sulu (it’s almost certainly Sulu this time) asks how things are going and Kirk says oh, they’re going fine, just dandy, there’s definitely not four turtle men pointing guns at me right now. “I’m afraid the survey will take longer than expected,” he says. “We’re going to need Lieutenant Uhuru to come down and lend a hand...err...” GUYS HER NAME IS UHURA HOW HARD IS IT TO GET THAT RIGHT COME ON.

Kirk gives some bullshit about needing Uhura to come help him communicate with the leaders. The bridge crew find this a bit suspicious. Or, as Sulu puts it, “Gee, the captain seems awfully repetitious and long-winded...I wonder what he is trying to tell us!” Yes. Well put. Anyway, Uhura figures Kirk might need help, so she’s going to, uh, march right down there, alone, directly into whatever might be going on, without any information. Great plan.

Down on the planet, Sunaro tells Kirk that, “You will have your court stenographer, Uhura, take down the report as we have dictated it to you! If you play your part right, no one will be hurt and your friends will be released! Otherwise, I’m afraid you will find the alternative most unpleasant!” Wait wait wait you think Uhura is WHAT

Kirk wants to know why they’re doing all this since the Enterprise came in peace, and Sunaro tells him “Peace is the idealist’s word for nonsense!” Right. Sure. Anyway, apparently they were once a happy people admired all over the solar system even though they spent their time herding goats in their underwear.

[ID: A beige-skinned and shell-less turtle person wearing boots and a loincloth sits in a grass field next to some goat-like creatures while another turtle-person waves at them. The narration box reads, “Our grass was green, our people industrious, our bodies perfect! Floe I was the most beautiful planet in existence when we joined the Federation! And then came a fate so unexpected...a curse...I believe Mr. Spock and Dr. Krisp are catching a glimpse of it right now!”]

think you might be overselling things a bit here

Meanwhile, Spock and Dr. Krisp have been cast into Hell, I guess. Cool.

[ID: Narration box: “Elsewhere, deep in the Floe city...” Spock and Dr. Krisp in a transparent cell are being lowered into a sea of flames full of blue turtle-people reaching their hands up and making sounds like “Urrrgh!” “Ooh!” “Oohm!” and “Aaaah!” Spock is saying, “So this was the future of the Floe I mutants! A world of mad, jailed people!” and Dr. Krisp is saying, “At the moment, Mr. Spock, we are no freer than they are! In fact, we are caged animals in their zoo!”]

So it’s part two, Uhura’s been captured along with Kirk (and boy is she giving him a dirty look) while Spock and Krisp have descended into an inferno full of blue turtle-people.

[ID: A comic splash page divided diagonally. In the top half, Kirk and Uhura are sitting in manacled to chairs, being watched over by two armed turtle-men. The narration box reads, “Captain’s Log: Star Date 20:27.5. Lieutenant Uhura and I are being held prisoners by the two leaders of Floe I—Dr. Krisp and Mr. Spock have vanished! It is clear that Amara and Sunaro intend to do away with the crew and me as soon as Lieutenant Uhura writes a false report about their mad society for the Federation...my only hope is that we manage to fool these tyrants and come out alive...I have lost all communication with the Enterprise!” In the lower half, Spock and Dr. Krisp are standing in their cell looking out at the blue-turtle people. Dr. Krisp is saying, “These people are burning up!...And still, they’re alive!” while Spock says, “I would be hard-pressed to define what life is under these conditions, Dr. Krisp!”]

As you can see, Uhura’s back to being white in this story. Actually I had a look through both my books and it appears that the only story in which she has an accurate skin tone (well, as accurate as anyone gets to be in these comics) is the last one we covered, The Perfect Dream. I don’t know if they hired a colorist with some integrity for just that one issue or what.

Down below, Spock and Dr. Krisp get cast into the flames.

[ID: Spock and Dr. Krisp slide down into the flames, surrounded by turtle-people. Spock is saying, “Watch out for those flames, Dr. Krisp! What’s death to us is evidently life to them!” Dr. Krips is saying, “I believe that’s just what their leader and counter-leader have in mind for us...we’re being burned at the stake for knowing too much, just like it happened on Earth, light years ago!”]

Light years ago?

[ID: A screenshot from the end of the battle in a Pokemon game, in which a boy in camping gear is saying, “Light-years isn’t time...it measures distance!”]

The blue turts tell Spock and Dr. Krisp that despite spending all their time flailing around and reaching out desperately they are perfectly normal people who are not to be feared. Apparently the red turts won’t give them the ‘mutation-speeding serum’ so “all [their] body fluids are freezing inside [them],” because they turned out blue and not red. And then they all got put into a giant chamber of fire.

[ID: Dr. Krisp wading through the fire and thinking, “Just as I thought! These people are really no different from Sunaro, Amara and their crowd! They are simply being punished because their bodies mutate into a different color!” In the foreground Spock is saying, “Dr. Krisp! Come here, I believe I’ve made a most interesting discovery!”]

you know I think this might be an allegory for something but it’s so subtle I just can’t tell

For all that talk about “what’s life to them is death to us” Spock and Dr. Krisp seem to be pretty not bothered by walking around in a blazing inferno. Spock soon discovers a giant computer screen in the midst of the flames which he thinks is controlling the blue turts. “They’re being killed slowly to set an example to others who do not follow their leaders’ orders!” he says. In my experience computers don’t work too well when they’re in the middle of a sea of fire, but I guess the turts are just advanced that way. Why they’re apparently recording the proceedings with a giant computer instead of, say, a camera is another question.

Spock and Dr. Krisp are like “yeah we should probably try to get out of here” but are interrupted by the cries of parents whose daughter has just died, which really shouldn’t be funny, and yet.

[ID: Spock saying, “I believe I have a way of...” as he and Dr. Krisp turn to see two turtle people standing and kneeling over the body of a third, saying, “AHHHHHHH! HELP! HELP! It’s Jdula—our youngest daughter—the metabolic imbalance has finally destroyed her...perhaps she’ll be happier now!” and “Her suffering has stopped...but ours has been doubled!”]

So...the turts mutated into red turts and blue turts. The red turts invented a mutation-speeder serum that allows them to adapt to the freezing conditions. Without this serum they’ll suffer a metabolic imbalance that will kill them, which seems to be a separate problem from just dying because it’s really cold. The red turts went all Star-Bellied Sneetches and declared that the blue turts were inferior so instead of getting the serum they were stuck in a giant room of fire, which is either killing them or keeping them alive until the metabolic imbalance kills them, or maybe both. And somehow their clothes haven’t caught on fire. Okay.

Spock and Dr. Krisp figure the best way to help the blue turts is to get them the serum, so they ask if anyone knows where it is. One blue turt tells them it won’t do any good because many of their people have already died trying to find it, then another one says that the Federation visitors might be their only hope except it’s probably impossible anyway, then another one says that they’ll tell them where the serum is on the condition that they set the blue turts free and then leave the planet forever, and Spock muses that it’s tricky because the Federation wouldn’t want them to be instruments of vengeance. All that happens in one panel, by the way.

Meanwhile, Kirk is being forced to give his report while Court Stenographer Uhura transmits it. “And so based on our thorough analysis,” he says, “we are forced to conclude that the Floe 1 planet adheres to the peaceful laws, er, uh...of the Federation and that in their er, uh...counter democracy everyone is treated, er, ah...”

Sunaro thinks this is suspicious and warns Kirk not to try any tricks, but Uhura reassures him.

[ID: Uhura saying, “It’s the captain’s normal speech pattern, honorable Sunaro...especially when he’s talking into a machine...”]

wow just come straight for William Shatner’s life there, damn

Turns out Kirk was stalling (oh so subtly) to give Uhura time to scramble the message. She succeeded, but unfortunately the turts have caught on.

[ID: Uhura standing next to Kirk, who is seated at a desk holding a transmitter, while Amara and Sunaro approach them along with a third turtle-man. Amara is saying, “Captain, I’m afraid our sensors indicated that your message has not been getting through and therefore...” Sunaro, drawing his gun, continues, “And therefore I’m afraid we’ll have to exterminate you, or rather, melt you!”]

Sunaro remembers just in time that ‘exterminate’ belongs to another sci-fi series.

Y’know, I’m not sure if I’m more concerned by the fact that the turtle woman has breasts or the fact that all the turtle men are wearing nothing but tight black briefs and boots.

Well, Kirk and Uhura aren’t going out without a fight scene. A terrible, terrible fight scene.

[ID: Kirk and Uhura punching Amara and Sunaro, who exclaim, “Arrgh!” and “Ouch!” while Kirk says, “There you scoundrels!”]

Before things can get any worse—if that’s possible—Spock and Dr. Krisp burst in, holding a strange disc pointed at the turts. “Not so fast, you ruthless dictators!” Spock declares. “Release the captain and the lieutenant or I shall drain the serum out of you and leave you to freeze like you have left your people in the Blue Chamber!”

It seems this disc they’ve found neutralizes the serum, causing the turts to begin to freeze to death. The...mutation-speeder serum. So...what, do they un-mutate? Also, how does a glowy disc act as an antidote to an internal serum? Also, what is happening?

With the turts forced to stand down, Spock explains to Kirk that despite being the minority of the population, the red turts control the entire planet. Any blue turts who rebel are sent to be tortured in the Blue Chamber, while the rest are slaves. Apparently the blue turts gave Spock and Dr. Krisp this disc (how Spock and Dr. Krisp then got out of the Blue Chamber is not explained). The reason the blue turts haven’t used the discs themselves is because without the serum, anyone who escapes the Blue Chamber immediately dies of frostbite. So...the Blue Chamber is where the blue turts are sent to be tortured and die to serve as an example to the rest...and it’s also what keeps them alive? Do the red turts think it’s not effective enough if the blue turts die too quickly, or did they just set the whole place on fire just to be extra mean?

Spock explains how he used Logic to find the room they’re in, which is apparently directly above where the serum is produced. Dr. Krisp explains that, “The discs were easy to obtain—the red Floe 1 citizens did not count on the fact that the blue Floe 1 prisoners discovered the disc arsenal lay hidden behind a panel right in the Blue Chamber--” So they...put the weapons that are deadly to them...in the room where all the prisoners who have a lot of motive to kill them are kept...prisoners who could use those weapons without fear because they don’t have the serum themselves. Right. I’m starting to see why these guys are going extinct.

But then! Sunaro and Amara do...something.

[ID: A narration box says, “Suddenly...” Amara and Sunaro are standing next to a control panel at the back of the room. The other three landing party members are arrayed around Uhura, who is lit up and exclaiming, “They’ve got me stuck to a live wire! He...help...awh...” Spock is saying, “Stand back, captain! They’ve taken control of the panels!” while Kirk says, “Hold it Sunaro! Turn the life-current back on or I’ll fire!”]

Even with everyone shouting narration about it I have no idea what’s going on in this panel.

They enter a stand-off, with Kirk demanding they let Uhura go or his report to the Federation will be very cross. Amara says okay, they’ll all be released, and opens a trap door underneath them. Why...why was that even there?

But Amara’s incredibly genius move only results in the crew landing exactly where they wanted to go anyway: the serum chamber.

[ID: A page showing a large stone room with high dais next to a staircase in the background, while in the foreground there is some strange machinery and two red turtle-people bathing in stone tubs Blue turtle people are walking around carrying vats and attending to the machines while Amara, Sunaro and their goon descend the stairs. The Enterprise crew have landed on the dais. The narration box reads “And as Amara releases Lt. Uhura, the floor under them caves in and they find themselves in the serum laboratory...” Spock or possibly Kirk is saying, “So this is it! An ingenious people, the Floe I...” while Dr. Krisp says, “The serum is given them through osmosis, by a simple process through their skins—by just bathing!”]

‘Ingenious’ is not the word I would use to describe these people.

Amara and Sunaro come downstairs and ask Kirk what he plans to do now (I guess they’ve just given up on stopping him). Kirk wants them to free all the blue turts and give the serum to everyone, which of course they refuse to do, because the blue turts are so inferior they’d just wreck everything. So Dr. Krisp (I think—it’s a little hard to tell with everyone wearing those suits) yells out to the blue turts that they bring a message from the turts in the Blue Chamber: they need the serum to survive. One would...sort of think the blue turts would know that already.

But apparently all that the blue turts needed to spark a rebellion was a message from a random person telling them something they should have already been well aware of, because they yell out that this is what they’ve been waiting for, and start smashing the vats of serum and attacking the red turts. As the brawl spills out across the city, the landing party sneak out and beam back to the Enterprise.

Back on the ship, Scotty (who was apparently just about to send backup) asks why the heck Kirk just left the turts down there in the middle of a civil war. “As you know, it’s against the laws of the Federation to interfere with any planet we set out to explore,” Kirk explains. Yeah, it’s perfectly fine to start a civil war, but stopping one? Out of the question.

As Kirk continues, though, it wasn’t just that old Prime Directive thing that made them leave. He explains that Floe 1 is doomed anyway—it’s moving away from its sun quicker than the turts can produce the serum, and will soon end “in ice and then nothingness.” The turts, red and blue, all knew that they had only a few days left to live, and could have been saved if they had asked the Federation for help earlier. But the red turts were more concerned with going down in history as an ideal people, hence wanting the last report to the Federation to be about how great they were. An entire species too busy fighting each other and trying to advance their own interests to avert death by climate disaster? Ha ha, that would never happen. This sci-fi stuff, so implausible.

Scotty can’t understand why the turts would spend their last few days fighting a war when they know they’re all going to die soon anyway. Spock explains.

[ID: Spock saying to Scotty, “I believe Earth people have a word for it, Scotty, a word missing in the Vulcan dictionary—that word is hope!”]

“It’s a word which does not appear in the Vulcan dictionary, which is why I just used it in a context that frankly makes no sense.”

Thus ends another story of the GK Enterprise crew screwing up an entire planet. The Wacky Aliens Who Hate Each Other For Being Different Colors plot might have worked a little better if they hadn’t made the entire human cast white. Including Uhura. I think I still would’ve been just as confused at the end of it, though.