#but people have to get the impression of class and arrogance from somewhere

[eco-lite]

Time for notes from my reread of JR volume 2! You can find thoughts from my first read here.

“The Cat’s Eye of Insight”

* I was going to say that a liter of milk is a lot for a week, but it’s only like 4 cups. That doesn’t seem crazy for Richard, Seigi, and clients to drink that much. Maybe Japan isn’t big on milk drinking in general?

* I love when Seigi says “hey, unrelated to what we were just talking about” and then proceeds to say something that’s absolutely related to what they were just talking about.

* Yes, we love not wasting food! Sustainable king!

* Sad to say Richard’s wealthy upbringing means he doesn’t care at all about wasting food. 😒 Pretty funny that he’s impressed by Seigi’s three ingredient leftovers recipe because Richard can’t cook for shit.

* “I’d prefer pudding 🥺” RICHARD.

* “Working at this shop had made me realize that intimate relationships came in a variety of shapes and forms” (12). Woohoo! The thesis of the series!

* Anddd the child is here. 😒 No matter how many times I read this story, I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy this kid. I sympathize with him, but what a little brat!

* “‘You sound just like one of those shady men in the street safety videos we watch at school’” (17). 😵😵😵

* Seigi is a saint for trying to make friends with this child. Could not be me.

* I really like this teamwork dynamic here. Seigi gets the client to open up about their problems, and Richard swoops in with the solution.

* Richard being kind to this child is very important to me. Maybe he sees a reflection of himself as a kid.

* God, the stress this kid is under is unreal.

* Why is Hajime’s first idea to take his little brother to a restaurant if he’s hungry? Do no wealthy people cook in this world?!

* Glad it was a relief-filled reunion for Hajime’s family. It was pretty ironic when his mom asked when he got so arrogant lol.

* Richard would also be concerned about my grasp on discussions of finances. It’s all “too abstract” for me too. 😅 Luckily I’m not studying economics, unlike a certain someone who should probably understand how assets work for his classes…

* “‘I just hope, for your sake, that you have no good-looking friends who might one day approach you for your help robbing a bank’” (59). What a wild statement, Richard. Seigi isn’t swayed by all beauty, just you. He wants to make milk jelly because it will make you happy.

* “Richard turned his head away with a “hmph!’ When it came to the topic of sweets, his reactions got three times more childish than usual. Honestly, I secretly kinda liked it” (59). Hehehe. I’ve been loving their banter in this chapter.

* “…if I ever got my own house and was with someone who also loved animals, I wonder what I’d name our pet? Maybe I’d give it a child’s name?” (60-61). Foreshadowing! We love Jiro!

“The Fighting Garnet”

* “‘One thing human beauty and gemological beauty share in common is that neither is bound by a strict set of standards. I believe that one of the myriad ways to appreciate gems is in communing with stones, thus allowing us to imagine a world in which beauty is not defined by stereotypes’” (73). Richard has a really nice outlook on beauty considering all the trouble his own beauty has caused him. He’s clearly though about this a lot.

* Richard is making me want to read Sherlock Holmes again lol.

* “‘Perhaps you could say it’s the perfume of life itself’” (75). Okay, Richard, very poetic. Honest question: do we think Richard enjoys being outside? Like would he go for a hike somewhere? I’d tend to doubt it, but I think he would appreciate a stroll in the park or the sophisticated beauty of an English garden.

* “‘…chapped skin on the hands around this time of year tends to be indicative of someone who works with water’” (76). Boy, can I attest to this! Working in an estuary is very rough on the hands.

* It’s so fascinating to me that Richard emphasizes so heavily to Seigi not to intrude into their clients’ personal lives, and to not make assumptions about them, yet he’s over here intuiting everything about them with just a glance. Hmmmmm. It would certainly be great for sales to be able to know more about his clients without even asking, but it’s a bit hypocritical to tell Seigi off for doing the same thing in a more open way.

* Was the girl Yamamoto’s partner left her for a high schooler?!?! 🤮🤮🤮

* “‘I don’t think I’m going to have another chance in my lifetime for someone to give me a ring, so I decided to take matters into my own hands’” (78). Oh, honey. I really hate this mentality that once a woman passes a certain age, she’ll never be attractive enough to find love again. I’ve certainly felt this way before. But we have to remember that this is an insidious part of the heteropatriarchy that allows men to manipulate women into settling for any romantic relationship they can get. Also, 27 isn’t old at all! And why is a romantic relationship worth so much to people when they have great relationships with their friends and family, like it sounds like Yamamoto does? Maybe it’s my perspective as someone on the ace spectrum, but romance isn’t everything! There are so many other wonderful kinds of relationships to enrich your life with. Don’t worry about just one kind.

* “‘Whatever path you decide to walk, I believe making the decision for yourself is most commendable’” (78). Richard speaking from personal experience.

* It always suddenly hits me that Richard’s life must have been terribly lonely until he decided to run away from England.

* Richard acting aloof and sarcastic when Seigi says looking at Richard’s face brings him happiness, but then implying that he and Seigi are soul mates two seconds later?? Make up your mind, man!

* Richard unbotheredly sipping his water as he listens to this asshole get broken up with. Iconic behavior.

* Societal dating standards are a bitch, what can I say?

* “I did realize one thing, though—while words like ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ are words of praise, they’re also words of judgement… One careless remark, one wrong step, and you’re approaching verbal abuse. I never thought about any of that before and just kept calling Richard beautiful” (102). Yes, Seigi, you’re learning! It is really heartbreaking every time Richard responds to a situation like this with “I’m used to it.” He shouldn’t have to be. And of course Seigi doesn’t mean any harm by it, but unintentional harm is still harm.

* I’m proud of Yamamoto-san for sticking to her values and fighting for herself. She’s a warrior indeed. And I love that the pomegranate tree she sent to Richard and Seigi will continue to be a reminder of the lessons Seigi learned in this story.

* Yes, Richard has been through so much. But he’s a warrior too. To live is to fight. I’m kind of surprised Richard kept his composure so well throughout this story, considering beauty is such a touchy subject for him. But I also think he’s spent so much time thinking about this and coming to terms with people’s interactions with him that he could confidently tell Yamamoto that there’s so much more to beauty than good looks.

“The Dance of the Emeralds”

* What a crazy first page lol.

* I always find it interesting that Seigi never protests that he’s not dating Richard because he’s a man or because he wouldn’t be interested. It’s because he is interested in dating Tanimoto. He just has a very one-track mind focused on his intended partner, I guess. You could say his focus shifts to Richard once he and Tanimoto officially decide to just be friends.

* “Going out to eat together’s a big step” (111). Seigi, you did that with Richard first. :P

* Not Aki seeing right through Seigi’s intentions immediately lmao. Most people can read a room like that, but not Seigi and Tanimoto. They’re special.

* “What a calculating man” (118) 😂😂😂

* Omg Homura strikes again!

* “She had the vibe of someone who’d just come running from a construction site” (134). As in, because she was being harassed there?? I still don’t get it.

* I love Shinkai not even being phased when she first meets Richard and just starts talking his ear off in (presumably) French.

* “‘He’s like Shouko? You mean he can eat more food if he has a side of gemstones?’ ‘Huh? D-do I wanna even know what that means?’ ‘As long as I have a trapiche emerald by my side, I can eat three whole servings’” (135). 😂😂😂 I love this little exchange.

* Shinkai having given Minako the malachite pendant to ward off sickness and then saying “‘I guess it doesn’t really work though, huh’” (139). Ouchie ouchie ouchie!

* “‘Are you unfamiliar with the concept of a search engine?’” (143). Richard, give him a break for once! 😂

* And then it continues: “‘Please! I’m not good at reading western script. I’ll pay for your drink!’ ‘Remind me again who was incredibly smug about having memorized all of my names?’ ‘That’s not western script—that’s your name! I’m capable of remembering the names of important people in my life.’ Richard aggressively averted his eyes, grabbed his cup, and began drinking his water. He must’ve been really thirsty because he downed the whole thing” (143). Yes, Richard, you are important to people! Accept it!!

* Richard starting a reluctant story with “long ago in a place far away” is so funny to me.

* “Maybe his family situation is really complicated” (145). Yeah you could say that…

* Tanimoto is a really incredible person, but her streak of thinking Seigi has a crush on everyone but her is crazy lol. Typical aroace behavior. And Shinkai telling Seigi “You should probably try a little harder” (158). 😂😂😂 And after Seigi thought he really set a good mood, too…

* This dynamic of Richard being like “This case might get dangerous. You coming?” And Seigi being like “Of course I am” is so Holmes and Watson. I love how much Tsujimura is playing into the Sherlock Holmes comparisons in this case.

* So I googled “old scholar making a deal with the devil” and got to learn about the Faustian bargain… Pretty funny analogy.

* It still gets me that Richard so casually ate the caramel out of Seigi’s hand! And Seigi describing it as “this massive, beautiful fish ate it right out of my hand” (168) is hilarious.

* Oh yeah, I’m sure those incriminating documents just happened to be laying on the desk… I’m loving this Watsonian unreliable narration.

* Richard demanding the caramels in exchange for continuing the story. 😂

* “‘I know I’m just being crazy, but you’re not like an undercover agent or something…are you?’ ‘Caramel’” (179). 😂😂😂

* Richard fishing for compliments from Seigi and then getting embarrassed by Seigi’s response will never not be funny to me. He’s truly fighting for his life with his own desires.

* Don’t say he’s just a last minute replacement!! 🤬 I do want to see the scene of Seigi asking Richard to go with him though. What kind of expression would Richard make in that moment?

* “‘What you saw in that performance was not the world of the choreographer’s intent but the inner workings of your own heart’” (187). Wow. Yeah.

* Hhhh this ending is so bittersweet. I really wish Richard had gone to the after party. Then he and Tanimoto could have interacted sooner, and it would have probably been a pretty sweet/funny dynamic between the three of them. I guess Richard saw Tanimoto running towards Seigi and assumed this was the woman Seigi has been talking about this whole time. He thought it was time for him to step out. But at the end of the day, Richard is the one Seigi wanted to spend time with after the performance. He was part of the inner workings of Seigi’s heart at that moment. But Richard still doesn’t feel worthy of Seigi’s affection, or anyone else’s for that matter, and he’s still got a lot of walls up against getting hurt. I think fishing for that compliment from Seigi earlier was Richard opening up just a tiny bit, but he still has a long way to go until he can openly accept Seigi’s affection. Or even understand Seigi’s affection for him. And the foreshadowing of Richard suddenly walking out of Seigi’s life… ouchie.

“The Opal of Reunion”

* Oh god, this is the one about the karate classmate… I forgot this was only in volume 2!

* I find the idea of Seigi and Richard just sitting around chatting in between customers really sweet. Doesn’t Richard have paperwork or whaterever to do though? This is a business, remember?

* “‘…I think I find watching you talk at such length more interesting than the subject matter,’ Richard said in a completely flat tone before taking another sip of the tea” (191). Richard, your tone isn’t matching the implications of your words.

* Richard, don’t think I don’t see you dodging questions about your childhood…

* “‘Or do you mean like, he’s already got a wife and kids and stuff so our relationship might not be anything more than a nice memory to him?” (196). Seigi, this is truly a wild thing to say about a friend you weren’t romantically involved with. Richard is so taken aback lol.

* “‘…am I correct in my understanding of what your said earlier as a hypothetical example of a reunion with someone you were close to in the past that had sudden and drastic life change, making you grieve for your past friendship?’ ‘What else would I have meant?’ ‘…Absolutely nothing. Tea’” (197). Both of them are hopeless. 😅

* “Admittedly, his misread wasn’t totally off the mark. I do remember that back in my first year of junior high, I was pretty convinced that if I had to marry someone, he probably wouldn’t have been a bad choice. Maybe he would have actually kept in contact with me if I had jokingly tried to sell him on the idea with my cooking skills” (197-198). I remember being floored by this paragraph on my first read and I kind of still am now. It’s so interesting that Seigi can acknowledge he had these thoughts of wanting to marry a boy when he was younger, yet not even begin to contemplate his queer thoughts towards Richard at this point in his life.

* Oh, so he had striking facial features, huh?

* Leaving Richard out of the story when telling Hase about his grandmother’s ring is so revealing.

* Seigi, don’t use Richard’s line about the universe bringing people together on Hase! It feels like a betrayal, and I’m still mad about it.

* And not suggesting Étranger as a jewelry store recommendation… This is rough, man.

* Seigi continuing to use this line about the universe bringing him and Hase together is pissing me off! And Richard immediately warning Seigi to be careful. Of opening his heart too quickly, I guess. Taken from personal experience…

* Oh, honey… 😔

* Looking up Hachiko made me cry.

* Seigi is an actual saint for trying to stick by Hase in this situation. I would have dropped him in an instant, even though him trying to sell a stone that was given to him isn’t a huge crime by any means. It’s the lying to a friend’s face for me though… And Hase saying he never wants to see Seigi again because it hurts too much for him?? Fuck you, dude! I wish Seigi would have shouted all his feelings at Hase to make him understand how much this situation hurt him. I think they could have fixed their relationship, but maybe this is for the best…

* The thought of Richard singing along to Finnish death metal whenever he’s sad or angry is really doing things to my heart. I bet he’s done this a lot… But it’s very sweet of him to share this habit of his with Seigi. I think Richard not only wants to help Seigi through this sad moment, but show Seigi that he understands and relates to this kind of sadness. The image of them both yelling at each other over the death metal is pretty funny though. 😅

* “‘I…I’m no superhero! I’m just scared of being called cold-hearted! I’m scared of being a disappointment to the people I love when I can’t do anything to help them! It “hurts too much”? That’s my line, you big stupid asshole! I don’t do everything right!’” (239). Yes Seigi, let it all out!

* “‘People who try to do the right thing are often lonely. It’s not a path just anyone can walk, and sometimes such people shine so brightly, others have trouble tolerating it. People talk behind your back, calling you a hopeless idealist. But you’re not wrong. The core of your idea of what’s right isn’t some stubborn adherence to continuing on your own path but the noble desire to be kind to others even in the depths of darkness. And I think that is a most commendable way to live your life. I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. To the point that I find myself feeling envious at times’” (239). Seigi is so seen by Richard. I think Richard can recognize this kind of loneliness because it’s the same thing he has to endure everyday when people dehumanize him for his beauty. Both he and Seigi have to fight through the loneliness to continue down their own paths.

* Not the chef saying he’s never seen Richard bring anyone here before!

* Okay, so now we’re comparing Hase to Tanimoto too, huh? Very interesting…

* “‘When someone invites you out to spend time with them, it’s very rude to start getting depressed thinking about someone else’” (243). Richard, you can’t talk! Didn’t you just do this at the end of the last story?

* I think this was the story that created the formula seen in a lot of the later novels, where Richard doesn’t feature much for most of the story, but has a huge impact at the end. “Comfort mode” Richard is someone special indeed.

“The Serendipity of Euclase”

* It’s so funny when Richard calls Seigi “Part-Timer-san.”

* “‘You can make this sort of thing, too, can’t you?’ Richard finally looked at me, his blue eyes wide. ‘…What gave you that impression?’” (251). Richard “can’t cook for his life” Ranasinghe de Vulpian strikes again! I would love to see a short story about Richard’s failed cooking attempts.

* Richard ignoring the questions about his failed pudding and being so embarrassed is really cute. Honey, we all have things we’re not good at, don’t worry. Seigi will happily make desserts for you for the rest of your life.

* Yes Seigi, tell him to praise you more!

* “There was just something about this man who seemed like he’d conquered every sweet treat in the world having a surprising fondness for something so basic and simple” (254). I’ll let you in on a little secret, Seigi. It’s because you made it just for him. 😌

* Seigi making a cake for Valentine’s Day instead of White Day is certainly a detail… I summon bad karma on the homophobic children who shunned him. At least his grandma was always supportive of him.

* I think it’s really sweet that Richard wanted to show and tell Seigi about a rare stone in exchange for the homemade pudding. An equal exchange of what they’re each good at.

* “‘I was just thinking, for a second there, we were kinda like a cute married couple, huh?’ In that moment, I felt the temperature in the shop plummet. I had definitely stepped on a land mine. ‘I’m docking your pay’” (260). The way I can picture Richard’s content face just immediately dropping. 😭 The 1-2 punch is pretty funny though.

* Ahhhh I love this little story. 😌😌😌 It really showcases how comfortable Richard Seigi are with each other now. We love a good banter sesh.

[fandomtherapy44]

Solider Boy x reader

Summary: The year just turning into 1982 Vaught's Payback being the most talked Superhero group especially Vaught's Golden boy. The elusive handsome player Solider boy. Y/n has always wanted to help people with her powers so when Payback starts interviewing, she has to go. Her whole life is about get shaken up not just by how she thought superheroes were supposed to be but by an arrogant self-absorbed but handsome asshole.

Paring: Solider boy x reader/Enemies to lovers

word count: 1,338

Chapters: 1/?

WARININGS: oh, shit here we go again. Major language, Cancer patient, being mean to Y/n.

I got the divder from

saradika

AN/ Hey everyone so I've been thinking to make this for a while now. Since I love the Boys so much did, I start watching this show for Jensen maybe did I stay for the others yes. I think Payback is so interesting, so this is like a prequel series. I just love the backstory of Payback I hope we get more in this new season. This first chapter we don't meet Ben, but we will soon ;) Hope you enjoy.

Chapter one: Taking the leap

POV (Y/N)

The year being 1982 I was freshly twenty-eight working at fucking Vought burger I mean I was making money not much but still I just thought I would be somewhere else at this age. I was mopping the floors at one am with the smell of cell killing chemicals and the four-hour crust of kid puke up my nose. The old tv in the corner of the ceiling was a plus though because Vaught central channel would replay old Payback movies. Superheroes were my everything when I was a kid especially when I learned I had the very powers that my hero’s had. But my mom never wanted me to use them. 

“Hey Y/n how’s your mom doing?” My friend slash coworker asked me. “Oh well she has a treatment this week but after that I don’t know how I’m going to cover the cost next time.” “I can maybe scrape some money together.” I put my mop down and turned to her. “No no I couldn't ask you to do that you have your own shit to worry about.” “Ok but if there is anything else I can do I will be there.” I smile at her kindness. “I'm counting on it.” Just two more damn hours and I could go home and sleep for three hours and then go to my next job.

“Hey, did you hear about those auditions downtown?” “What auditions?” I asked, not really paying attention trying to get the puke stain out of the tiled floor. “Really you haven't heard that’s surprising of how much you love superheroes, it's the payback auditions.” I nearly slipped on the puke. “What! Are you serious!?” I ran over to her shaking her. “Yes Y/n yes! Now can you stop shaking me? I think my brain is starting to leak.” “Ha yes sorry it’s just that it has literally been my dream since I've learned I have powers.” “So, are you going to go?” That was the question.

The weather today was cold, and it was raining well more like pouring and my broken umbrella was barely holding together. I walked in and said hello to the nurse. Before I walked in the room, I put on the fake smile that I put on every time. “Hey mom.” I went to her bed. “Sweetpea, I didn’t know you were coming today.” She said in a very southern draw one of the many things I loved about her. “I wanted to surprise, especially today.” I looked to the tube in her arm for her treatment.

“So, how’s college?” Right college. “Well, my professor says that he was most impressed by my last paper.” This was all bullshit but if I told her what I was really doing all day she would discharge herself and go home and let God do the work to heal her. Well sadly I couldn't leave it up to God not where she was with her stage. “Now that's my daughter on her way to be on the top and get her dream job.” Dream job now that was a joke.

“Yeah...” I looked at the time and my other job was calling. “Well mom I have to run to class. Do you need anything before I go.” She grabs my hand and stares in my eyes. “I just want to look at my little girl for a minute.” In that minute my heart was racing. “Now sweetie go kick but!” My mother would never curse. She said that if she did that she might as well drink dirt then sweet lemonade. 

On my way to work my umbrella fully went down. Luckily there was an awning, and I ran under it. I looked out and it seemed the whole world was working against me. My mother, my job, my lack of a love life but that was the last thing on my mind. The weather was like my life exploding all at once. I just didn’t know what to do. But I think the world heard me and a gust of wind threw up a flyer in my face but not just any flyer.

“Hi there, can you please step forward and state your name,age,height,weight,Sup name.” I don’t think I have ever sweat so much in my life. “Uh Y/n L/n,28,’-,___’ and I don’t know ha.” I looked down nervously. “You're auditioning for a superhero team and you don’t have a name?” The woman looked at me in disbelief. “I-” She holds up her hand to stop me. “You know what I don’t have time to hold your fucking hand like in kindergarten just show us your powers.”

I took that in stride and stood back. I breathed in deeply and used my whole body to push forward and a force came out that crumbled all the practice dummies. I also grabbed the air around me and made a blade. Then I made a shield from that same air. I looked back and everyone looked shocked. The woman from before stacked her papers. “Um thank you we will call you.” I bowed and said thank you.

It had been about a month, and I had heard nothing, so I had lost hope. I was once again cleaning a kid's mess. Parents really need to watch their kids. “Y/n phone call!” My coworker called out and I threw down my rag and dusted off my pants and went to the phone. “Hello” “Hello this Vaught.” My eyes widened and I held my hand over the phone to not hear my escaped squeals. “What are you calling about?” I tried to keep my excitement in.

“Well, the people who are behind payback were very impressed with your audition and would like to invite you to be the newest member of payback.” I did not think twice. “YES!” “I mean yes I would love to.” “Great you will be flown out on the first of next month.” Oh, shit I didn't know it would be that quick. She sensed my quiet. “Will that be a problem?” “No of course not thank you.” She hung up. “Who was that?” My coworker asked. “That was the call telling me that I'm going to be the newest member of Payback.” I said realizing that my whole life changed in five minutes.

It was only the tenth, but I had so much shit to do I had to quit my jobs, stop renting and tell my mom which to be honest I was putting that off. “Hey mom.” “Sweetpea if you keep on surprising me, I'm going to have to start getting pretty for you.” “Mom, you are beautiful everyday no matter what.” “Aww you're just saying that.” “Speaking about our visits, they will have to slow down.” She looked disappointed. “Well, I understand for school.” Here I go. “Mom I'm just going to say it…  you're looking at the newest member of Payback.” “Tell me you're joking.” “No mom I’m not.”

“Y/n you can’t it's too dangerous.” “Mom, I swear to you I will train every day be the safest possible.” “No, I won’t allow it.” “Well sorry I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. And frankly my fast-food jobs are not cutting it for the bills.” “Fast food? What about college?” “I couldn't do both make money and do school.” “So, you've been lying this whole time.” “I’m sorry mom but it was between me, and you and I chose you.” She had hot tears welling up. “But with this job I can pay for everything and more.” “You'll call me every day?” I threw myself in her arms like I was a little girl again. “Everyday.”

I get on the plane, and I sit down. My whole life was about to change. I was going to go from nobody to where I have permission to punch strangers. But I was ready for whatever or whoever will be there. 

[my0vershareworld]

𝕤𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖..𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕗𝕦𝕟!

Pairing: Szayelaporro Granz x GN!Human reader

Genre: teen love au, fluff, one-shot

word count: 1214 words

CW: None

requested by anon: Can you do one shot with of teen love with Szayelaporro please :) (Im referring to thsoe Headcanons you did btw)

well..it was a summer break and he's back here at this stupid school once more, he never really liked school because he think he's too smart to even be studying here anymore. he just wanted to go somewhere else, somewhere better, somewhere where he can learn new things and lead to him being the best of the best of every successful person ever, but nonetheless..he still have to learn here until further notice..ugh..how boring!

little does he know..it won't be boring anymore after this year.

he wakes up fresh and beautiful like he always does. as he sits straight on his bed and stretch as he get out of bed to go to the bathroom and wash his face..is first day at school once again, now to get ready and grab his back so he can head to school..

he get out his house and leave in with the bus..he was not really doing anything while being in the bus, he was just staring out the window looking at the nature..it was pretty boring until the bus stopped and let all students walks out the bus to finally have his walk to school..

going back to school is never a fun experience at all.

now he's here, in class, put down his bag and sat there waiting for class..he don't really have much friends to talk to since he was seen as a weirdo and arrogant all the time, well, they aren't really wrong on the arrogant part. he does like to talk about himself over and over again..but can he really help and care about it when all he cares is about being the most perfect human god has ever made him to be? nope! he thinks they all should just blame god for making him so marvelous and amazing! more amazing then anything humans ever made!

so on so forth the bell rang and the teacher came in..new student? how nice. and there you are..walked into the classroom with pure elegance he narrowed his eyes, almost glaring as he watched you walk into the classroom and introducing yourself

"hi! I'm uh-..{your full name}, I hope we can get along!-" you said nervously because the whole class was staring at you..not saying a single word like they were judging you..the teacher told you to sit right next to the kid with medium pink hair name Szayelaporro Granz

and you did. on your way walking there everyone was..almost outright glaring at you the moment you sat on your chair besides the pink hair dude. and so was the guy.

he was definitely glaring at you for whatever reason..seems so mad for no reason- he seems so mad at you just for sitting besides him yet he just scoff and look out the window..all you can do was just stares at him as you pull out your books and started to study.

the whole class you can see that Szayelaporro was not at all paying any attention to class or teacher until the teacher pick on him to answer a question and he'll answer almost immediately, it was almost impressive how fast he answer it.

the same thing goes on for..months..a whole year at best but every time you look at the dude he was always staring at you..with a narrowed eyes..

Szayelaporro he was just..pretty much looking at you from far away, always. you can find him anywhere staring at you to the point that people think is weird and is a creepy behavior and almost got a teacher called on him before he threatened the person to not tell shit or he'll slice their throat open and pull out their guts from their throat. but well..you wouldn't know about all that right?

in all honesty he was just obsessed with you, there's so rarely a new student would join the school..he always do this with every new students and he scares them off or just get told to fuck off but you never do such a thing, instead time to time you tried and talk to him because he was an outcast so you almost pity him..is actually painful to have you pitying him but honestly he don't care, because it's you

what?

ugh. it just- every time you spoke to him something kind of lights up within him like a fire. almost..a happy fuzzy feelings. your weird antics and how you act around people got him feeling some kind of way that he could not explain..how the hell can he explains it?! he's supposed to be the guy that knows everything! the guy that is the perfect being! then what the hell is this feeling?!

he questioned himself..for a very long time, while also staring at you yeah.

he took out his sweet time after a bit to research on whatever he's feeling..and what was it called.

love? love. love

love wasn't something Szayelaporro was used to, his older brother lives in the same house as his but he was left behind compares to him despite that he's older than him by like two years..? god he don't know, he don't fucking care about his dumbass anyways. his brother always avoid him (because he tried to experiment on him a bunch of times) and his parents died at a young age leaving him and Yylfordt alone. so it was just him..and his brother, there was no love between them, only thing they share is one last name

so truly he never experience love.and so on he was SHOOK he was..experiencing something he never experience. how the hell is he going to do with this feeling? do he let it go? do he try and make a move on you? oh, don't be dumb, Szayelaporro! you're the perfect being! everyone would want to be with you, go ahead and make a move.

so he did. at first he sent in those secret admirers notes in your locker, and then he sent gifts, but afterward he can't just make anyone steal you from him! he have to make an obvious move! and he did! he would comes outta nowhere and shove gifts in you and just started doing corny ass jokes at you that will either confused you or actually fluster you.

he'll do this whole shit until he was finally 100% sure he'll get you into his arms.

after almost another year he confessed. right in front of your locker while you were putting in your books and all that. you were almost startled as the guy push you into your locker and put a hand on the height of your head.

"I'm surprised you still haven't confessed to me, dear. is quite obvious that my attempts of flirting was working on you..and I think is time I'll tell you myself"

took a deep breath in, holy fuck he IS nervous actually..he was prepared for this yet he was still nervous. but he still spit out his word..

"I know you'll accept, but..I love you, {Name}. I've been in love with you for a really long time..can you believe it? someone like ME liking YOU..pfft..almost a joke isn't it? well it ain't no joke with my love for you"

he said as he bluntly grasp your hand and kiss it like a gentleman.

-------------------------------ACCEPT?------------------------------------

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎ -> Yes ->No

[lightcreators]

"I can explain..." Enola looks much more subdued than her usual energetic self, almost cowering underneath William's gaze.

"I just wanted to see what a real university lesson was like, I'll never get the chance to attend, and Brother said you teach here..." she fidgets with the cap she'd used to hide her long hair. The rest of her ensemble hides the fact she's actually a girl quite well - and yet, Professor Moriarty had seen right through it.

@barxlupin

It  would  his  second  experience  concerning  an  intruder,  the  second  involving  an  Holmes  siblings.  Maybe,  if  the  work  wasn't  too  much  weighting  on  Mycroft  shoulders,  and  there  was  some  emergency  that  needed  to  bring  an  conversation  face-to-face,  he  would  met  that  other  brother  in  middle  of  his  university  …  Actually,  since  it  could  happening  anytime  if  the  man  disapproved  far  too  much  loudly  was  going  on  and  hadn't  been  enough  convinced  by  Albert  everything  will  be  fine,  and  everything  will  be  carefully  prepared  …  Nevertheless,  he  would  anticipating  the  change  of  that  wind  kilometers  in  advance.  In  all  cases,  that  possibility  remained  an  fear  to  be  considered,  something  that  might  happened  some  day,  at  some  point  into  their  plan,  but  an  simple  threatening  supposition  having  no  support.  Oh  no,  his  lessons  risked  most  likely  to  be  once  in  a  while  welcomed  by  a  detective  presence,  in  which  bored  of  not  perceiving  his  face  in  middle  of  the  streets,  would  want  to  reach  him.  There  was  an  line  he  quite  understanding  about  Mr.Holmes  on  that  matter.  He  could  randomly  met  his  brothers  in  middle  of  London  streets,  in  which  he  would  engage  an  conversation,  or  even  enjoying  opportunities  to  face  Albert  meanwhile  forced  to  speak  with  Mycroft  ---  he  wouldn't  giving  him  honor  to  visit  the  Moriarty's  manor  …  but  would  gadly  exploring  whatever  other  manors  from  other  nobles,  as  mere  reality  he  was  from  an  higher  social  class  wasn't  something  he  wanted  to  consider  and  bossing  around.  Newspaper  wouldn't  never  leave  him  alone.  He  could  know  the  leader  of  the  MI6  within  shadows  he  was  controlling  in  middle  of  daylight,  but  he  refused  that  kind  of  scene  rigth  inside  desired  den  ---  Which  returned  to  his  current  point.

By  reputation,  Enola  Holmes  was  one  of  finest  intelligence  he  would  came  to  met.  Arrogance  holding  by  Mycroft  making  him  forget,  as  much  he  was  representating  the  government  as  much  all  displeasures  of  the  Queen  was  his  responsabilities,  allowed  somewhere  an  break  within  same  pride  he  expressed  ---  he  didn't  wanted  to  pass  for  a  fool,  didn't  wanted  his  obsure  public  appareance  be  damaged  by  the  impression  of  not  having  the  control  of  circumstances  in  one  way  or  another,  even  though  corruption.  He  learned  to  Mr.Holmes  the  art  to  actually  speak  to  the  normal  people  meanwhile  he  considered  lucky  to  creating  dates  once  in  a  while  at  distance.  Without  his  existence,  Mr.Holmes  would  have  been  removed  of  any  kind  of  spark  pulling  out  of  the  bed,  isn't  it  ?  Without  his  presence,  he  would  have  remained  dull  and  uninteresting,  it  was  his  favorite  entertainment,  and  he  hoped  that  his  actions  conveyed  an  affection  that  couldn't  be  said  otherwise  (  to  which  Louis  expression  offered  the  best  death  glare  at  simple  evocation  of  Mr.Holmes  and  most  admiring  pouting  reaction  when  he  thought  of  him. ) An  genuis  without  excitement  was  devoted  to  suffocating  inside  an  boring  world.  Oh,  that  feeling  was  so  much  understood.  Among  his  students,  rare  where  the  ones  he  could  perceiving  the  brigthest  futures,  in  which  some  would  reach  higher  spheres,  but�� wouldn't  remain  below  what  he  was  looking  for.  Touching  that  desired  perfection,  he  experienced  it  once  with  Mr.Holmes.  Touching  another  time  that  kind  of  jewel,  he  was  currently  experienced  it  another  time  when  another  student  that  proved  themselves  brilliant  and an sparking inspiration ---

Everyone  was  now  gone,  and  as  it  has  been  with  her  brother,  it  was  between  each  other.  Lack  of  emotionality  inside  his  gaze  didn't  given  the  immediate  reassurance  she  would  have  wanted  to  receive,  nevertheless,  if  he  accepted  her  all  during  that  lesson  without  pushing  her  out,  without  reflecting  how  there  has  been  somoene  else  added  to  this  class,  it  was  reflecting  how  he  didn't  perceived  the  harm.  It  could  has  been  deeply  different  if  he  would  have  noticed  an  threat  in  middle  of  his  university  ---  Down  there,  he  was  an  simple  professor,  searching  immensity  of  mysteries  of  the  numbers,  and  wanting  creating  genuis  of  tomorrow,  allowed  to  move  on  the  science  inside  another  dimension.  High  up  intellectual  potential  of  couple  of  students  that  could,  such  as  him,  receiving  honor  of  high  society.  Cruetly  of  that  world,  he  experienced  about  that,  even  though  he  thought  that  court  terribly  boring  ---  battles  of  egos,  the  arrogance  desecrated  by  a  family  name,  the  determination  to  be  the  best,  the  hypocrisy  and  jealousy  of  one's  walls,  was  a  most  pathetic  game,  but  of  which  human  feelings  were  an  honorable  weapon.  A  few  illusions,  and  what  appearance  could  transmit  could  be  believed,  while  these  vile  manipulative  threads  were  going  to  chain  them  all.  Old  memories  of  youth.  Japse  eyes  awaited  following  sentences  coming  from  embarrassment  she  felt  in  her  voice,  while  he  remained  with  his  arms  crossed.  ❝  Frustrated  about  to  be  left  out  ?  Terribly  unfair,  isn't  it  ?  To  only  offer  knowledge  to  men,  and  not  let  women's  intelligence  shine  ?  ❞  Coming  from  the  man  that  wanted  overthrow  established  order  of  this  injustice  inscribed  in  society,  his  words  resonated  with  this  meaning.  ❝  Mr.  Holmes  often  has  the  tempting  wish  to  go  back  in  time  temporarily,  where  his  understanding  of  numbers,  if  he  dared  to  pay  more  attention  to  them,  could  create  unparalleled  feats.  I  have  been  able  to  see  that  this  talent  clearly  runs  in  the  family.  You  will  be  an  excellent  student,  whose  degree  would  give  you  so  many  possibilities,  young  man  that  you  are.  ❞  He  playfully  mused  back,  as  he  appreciated  that  kind  of  game  with  illusions.  One  corruptive  move  for  the  sake  of  the  Holmes  family,  it  was  possible.  He  allowed  Mr.Holmes  to  show  up  if  he  wanted  to,  as  he  wanted  explore  his  intellectual  potential  closely,  in  which  he  would  admire  his.  If  she  desired  involving  herself  inside  such  world  ---  why  not  ?  Albert  would  corrupt  higher  spheres  for  be  certain  none  of  this  will  a  problem.  ❝  Isn't  that  the  other  reason  why  you  devoted  yourself  to  showing  me  your  talent  in  front  of  me  ?  Isn't  it  a  request  from  the  beginning  to  be  able  to  touch  the  forbidden  scenery,  showing  that  you  were  one  of  those  rare  geniuses  in  this  world  ?  I  can  take  you  under  my  wing.  Only if you wish to. ❞

[johannstutt413]

“Good morning, Doctor.” Lady Ceylon walked into his office with a gentle three raps on the open door. “Would you be free for tea this afternoon?”

The Doctor glanced up at her from his work. “Sure. Any particular reason?”

“Does one need a reason for tea?”

“I suppose not.” He nodded. “Very well. Where will we be having it?”

She smiled. “I will host.”

“Immediately after work, or will I have time to change?”

“Oh, most certainly change before you come to my place.” Ceylon chortled. “You should wear something suitable for the occasion, after all.”

He blinked. “Um, right. Is there anything else you need, Ceylon?

“Hmm...I suppose not. I shall see you at tea, then.” She stood there for a little longer before leaving him be.

“Tea with Ceylon - what an unexpected way to spend an evening,” The Doctor mused to himself. “I’m not even that great a fan of tea, but if she wants to discuss something with me, I’ll be all ears. What could this be about, though?”

-

Dressed in a comfortable but nice-looking button-up shirt and jeans, the Doctor made his way to Ceylon’s dorm and knocked. Schwarz answered the door. “Good afternoon, Doctor. Lady Ceylon will see you shortly. Please take a seat.”

“Thank you, Schwarz.” He followed her instruction. “Will you be joining us this evening as well?”

“The Lady has asked me to spend my evening elsewhere, so I’ll be at the bar with Scavenger.”

The Doctor added this to a growing list of strange details. “Well, enjoy your night, regardless.”

“I will, thanks.” A door creaked open. “And with that, I’ll be leaving. Stay hydrated.”

“Stay...” Yet another strange detail, but that paled in comparison to what he was seeing now.

Ceylon, in contrast to her normal attire, was now wearing a slightly-oversized Victorian National University hoodie over what might have been a red dress. “Good afternoon, Doctor. Do you have any plans for later this evening?”

“Nothing in particular, no,” he confirmed, dumbfounded. Her hair was fully tied back in a Rapunzel braid - had she done that herself? “I may have misunderstood the dress code.”

“Simply unbuttoning your shirt should put us at the same level, no?” She walked over to the stove and began boiling their water.

The Doctor did just that, untucking both his shirts in the process. “I’ve never seen you outside of your uniform, I guess.”

“Do you like it?” Ceylon had rolled up her sleeves to fill the boiler. “Schwarz helped me with my hair.”

“It’s quite lovely,” he admitted.

She set a hand to her lips, blushing slightly. “Flattery before the tea has even been poured. How forward.”

“You asked for my...” The Doctor shook it off. “I know you said earlier there doesn’t need to be an occasion for tea, but I am curious why you haven’t invited me before.”

“I had to work up to it, truth be told. Having you to myself in my quarters was a rather daunting prospect.”

He raised an eyebrow. “‘Daunting?’ How so?”

“Well, you see, Doctor, while I often host tea for others - just yesterday, Lady Verna and I had a lovely conversation over the merits of lemon in herbal blends as a flavor additive - I have yet to host a male visitor since coming to Rhodes Island, and I worry that my decorum may be slipping.” As she said that, her hoodie slid off her left shoulder, revealing the dress underneath to be strapless.

“Even in your own home, Lady Ceylon, you are the picture of refinement,” the Doctor reassured her. His stomach growled. “Ah, I missed lunch today. Completely forgot.”

She smiled as she brought a tray of finger sandwiches to the table. “There you are, Doctor. Cucumber, curried chicken, and smoked salmon.”

“Delightful, and much appreciated,” he earnestly thanked her.

“Simply the ritual of tea,” Ceylon blushed, patting him daintily on the shoulder. The boiler began to whistle. “And speaking of which.” She emptied warm water from two teapots, set leaves in both, and filled them to the desired degree from the boiler before bringing the pots to the center of the table. “How are the sandwiches?”

He’d already tried one of each and still could not settle on which to prioritize. “They’re all spectacular. I don’t have tea very often, so I wasn’t sure what to expect, but knowing you, I should have expected it to be this well-done.”

“I’m glad you think so, Doctor. You have had tea before, though?”

“Once with Ch’en and Hoshiguma,” he confirmed. “It was rather awkward, not too different from being a third wheel on a date...In fact, I suspect that’s what I was, in the end.”

She giggled. “That is rather unfortunate. I believe today’s will be substantially more enjoyable. You decided on the chicken, I see?”

“I’ve never eaten meat spiced like this before. You said Schwarz took care of your hair, but I would not be surprised to learn everything else was your work alone.”

“We shared the load,” she admitted, “but to hear your confidence in my abilities...I wasn’t sure how you thought of me.”

The Doctor shrugged. “I have never once doubted your capability, Ceylon. Since the day we met, and you stood alongside us to save Siesta, I’ve trusted you to apply yourself, and the results speak for themselves.”

“Doctor...is it getting rather hot?” Not waiting for an answer, Ceylon removed her hoodie and set it behind her, revealing her dress in its fullest.

“Now I’m underdressed,” he remarked, albeit not changing his attire in any way. “Speaking of hot, do you think the tea is ready?”

She nodded. “I believe so. There you are. If you need anything for it, we should have it and I will retrieve it post-haste.”

“I should be alright, thank you.” The Doctor watched the steam rise from the cup with interest.

“Nothing? No lemon, no milk, no honey?” Ceylon shook her head. “How curious.”

He smiled. “I drink my coffee black for the same reason - the flavors of the plant are my favorite part. Disguising or muddling that with anything defeats some of the point for me; if I wanted to drink chocolate milk with added sugar, I would do that instead of ordering a mocha frappe. Not that I begrudge anyone their tastes, but it simply isn’t my preference.”

“Ah. For some blends, I use the additives to focus on certain aspects of the flavor - a small amount of milk to make a truly bitter tea more immediately palatable so I can enjoy its subtleties, for instance. Do you drink coffee often, then?”

“No more than tea, honestly.” The Doctor shook his head before picking up his cup. “I don’t need large amounts of caffeine, so I only drink either in moderation.” He took a sip, and suddenly, he wondered how quickly conversions could occur. This felt like it might be one.

Ceylon sighed. “Understandable. Are you alright?”

“This is the best tea I’ve ever had,” he replied.

“Oh, why thank you.” She sipped hers. “That is rather good.”

A thought struck him. “Before she left, Schwarz advised me to stay hydrated. Any thoughts on why she would say that?”

“‘Stay hydrated?’...I was hoping to finish our tea before addressing that, frankly.”

“That’s alright, then.” Another long sip. “It did strike me as odd that she wasn’t joining us, and normally I might worry myself over such things, but this tea has certainly set me at ease.”

Ceylon smiled. “That’s good. Unfortunately, I must address that comment now, for my sake.” She refilled off his cup when he set it and the plate back down.

“Very well.” Immediately, the cup was back in hand.

“How do I phrase this...” She tapped the sides of her cup, currently on the table. “The simplest way of putting it would be that I invited you intending to seduce you.”

The Doctor set his cup down. “I see...it has gotten rather hot, hasn’t it?” He removed his over-shirt.

“Since meeting you at Siesta, the thought has crossed me multiple times that a man of your genius deserves someone who can complement it, if not truly match it, and besides that, you are disarmingly handsome without that mask of yours. When I first arrived, I was sure I would find you already had someone at your side in that capacity, but since you do not...”

“You say you ‘intend to seduce’ me...” He cocked his head. “That implies you don’t expect me to simply fall in love with you of my own accord.”

Ceylon blushed. “I mean, it’s a rather ridiculous thought, is it not? We hardly see each other since my arrival here, after all.”

“Fair, I suppose...but truth is stranger than fiction.”

“Are you saying,” she continued after a moment to recover, “that you have already fallen for me?”

The Doctor lifted his cup to his lips, emptied it, and set it back down. “Perhaps not to the same degree as you seem to have for me, but I am more than willing to try to. A woman of your calibre deserves nothing less than your suitor’s best.”

“M-my suitor...I fear I might faint.”

“Perhaps this is what Schwarz meant by hydration,” he smiled. “Should I fetch you something?”

Ceylon shook her head. “No, no, I’m...I’m okay. Um...we should finish tea.”

“Agreed.” The Doctor set his cup on the table, a light dancing in his eyes. While this hadn’t been what he’d expected, it certainly made for a better tea than his last...and boded well for those in future.

[lokisprettygirl]

The Bodyguard (Loki x Female reader) (Au) (18+)

Read chapter 20 here// Series Masterlist

Chapter 21

Summary : You tell loki about the men you have slept with. A not so pleasant surprise is waiting for you.

Trigger Warning : 18+, Daddy kink, Some smut, Mention of Suicide, Rape, abuse, sexual violence, Harsh language, bodyshaming, fatshaming, mention of neglect and abuse, emotional abuse, Unhealthy Eating Patterns, blackmail, starving and under eating, implied smut, mention of drug use, some weird feeding kink I'm (loki is) developing

Loki brought you back to the bed and he laid you down then he jumped right next to you to cuddle you, you turned towards him and hummed as his body felt so warm, so safe, so comforting. 

"You know you'll have to return the favor soon right?" You chuckled as he said that. You can't wait to return the favor.

"Can I ask you a question?" You asked him and he nodded

"What was your first impression of me?" He chuckled as you said that.

"I thought of you as a spoiled little princess, especially because of how you flirted with me all the way to Japan and back" you smiled and kissed him softly

"Mmmm I'm spoiled" 

"With things and money yes.. but you are not arrogant about it and I like that alot" he pulled you into him and you flung your leg around his waist.

"Well this wealth is not really mine" "Hmmm what did you think of me?" You giggled as he questioned you 

"My thoughts were somewhere between wow he's the hottest bodyguard I have ever had to I want to get him in my bed asap..that didn't happen" he chuckled and kissed your forehead. He truly loves talking to you, that's something him and Sameera never had, whenever she talked to him it was always depressing, he didn't blame her for that but after what she did he definitely held a grudge against her.

"Have you slept with your previous bodyguards? How many have you had?" He asked you sheepishly. Trying to pretend as if you talking about sleeping with other men won't make him jealous at all. He saw you making out with two of them, the one at the club in Japan and then at the party.

"I have had my own private bodyguards since I turned 18, contrary to popular belief I have only slept with half of them. Some of them were married" 

"That was the only thing coming in between you and them?" You nodded as he questioned, he wasn't judging you, he just wanted to hear it from you because he had heard enough from people around you. 

"Sooo how many men have you been with?" He perched himself on his elbow as his other hand played with your hair.

"I'll tell you if you tell me how many women you have been with" he bit on his cheeks and smirked as he thought about it.

"Like 30? It's not much, considering that I am 33" 

"What a whore you are" you caressed his cheek and he chuckled.

"I uhh.. I have been with plenty of men" he noticed your nervousness and hesitation. He didn't want you to feel as if he was being judgemental or controlling, he didn't want you to be embarassed, it didn't matter to him how many of them you had, he have you now and there won't be another man ever.

"It's okay baby we don't have to talk about this okay I'm sorry come here" he pulled you closer so you wrapped your arms around his waist.

"No it's alright really..i lost my virginity to my first boyfriend Peter, we were in the same class, his dad is still one of the board members at dad's company. Katlyn also lived here at the time, she had all the classes that she shared with him, that's when she started to fill his head" 

He caressed your cheek with his thumbs as you spoke, he remembered you telling him how she stole him from you.

"I didn't start to sleep around until my mom's death. I was really out of control after that, just doing anyone who would look my way" your eyes teared up but you chuckled.

"Truth is I don't know how many there have been, but there's been alot. Some of them were too old for me but I didn't care" jealousy surged through him as you said that, what do you mean by too old? He was curious now and he won't be able to sleep with half information.

"How old, who's the oldest one of them all?" He asked you firmly and you looked at him.

"He was 60, I was 20 at the time" he took a deep breath as the thought of some sixty year old dude fucking his darling girl bothered him too deeply. He knew your state of mind, you craved safety and you were too vulnerable, these men must have gauged that "I heard that he died last year of a heart attack..are you okay?" You asked him and he nodded.

"I'm just so jealous, I'm burning green right now but I'm also worried because these men, they just..they shouldn't have done that..they should have stopped you" you pressed your lips onto him to kiss him, he seemed as if he'd hyperventilate. 

"It's okay, nobody forced me, nobody has ever done that except Steve, all those men that I fucked, I approached them, I made a move, I seduced them like I tried to do with you" your eyes teared up so he got you on top of him and held you tightly. You're too innocent for your own good.

"I don't judge you for choosing an escape sweetheart, you'll never get any judgment from me I promise" he laid you on the other side of him and his lips stayed on yours, he'd mumble between the kisses and then he'd kiss you again.

"Thank you ..you don't have to be jealous, none of them really touched me, they just fucked me" his eyes teared up but he smiled. You're so broken but he wanted to piece you back together, he knew he made you so happy and how much you trusted him, he never wanted to hurt you again but then he wasn't sure what the future would bring, he wanted to be as careful as possible until you're both away from here.

"So you never fell in love with one of your bodyguards?" He asked you and you smiled.

"Well there was one bodyguard I actually did think I would fall in love with. I wasn't that attracted to him but he was really nice to me, he took care of me and flirted with me, he wasn't mine but Steve's bodyguard. I heard their conversation at a party and that's when I realized that Steve paid him extra to play pretend with me, make me fall in love so he could get him to break me later. I should have known that Steve put him up to it so he could hurt me further, it never made sense to me why this guy even was into me" his jaw clenched as you said that. What kind of psychopathic monster was this loser Steve and for what? He could only imagine how badly it must have hurt for you to realize that you were being played,

"Did you confront him? The bodyguard?" He asked you and you shook your head.

"I tried to not create a scene, he wasn't worth crying for, at first when you started to care about me, I thought Steve had done it again but then I realized that you'd never do such a thing to me, I feel so safe with you lo" he placed several kisses on your neck as he hummed.

"I'd never hurt you like that darling, they can't buy me, you're safe with me I promise, luckily that bodyguard isn't here anymore or I'd punch the heck out of him" you chuckled as he said that. You'd love for him to punch that asshole.

"Well you'll see him when he comes back with Steve" his eyes widened as that's when he realized that you were talking about Bucky. Bloody sellout, he knew men like him only lived for money and status. You saw him lost in his thoughts so you planted another kiss on his soft lips "Hey..It's okay it's been like two years don't worry" 

As you slept in his arms, he couldn't stop thinking about everything you told him just now. Even after getting hurt so cruelly you opened your heart for him, you allowed him to get in and like a heartless moron he did the same thing to you. He gave you attention and took it away suddenly, he made you cry and hurt for days and even though you forgave him, it was hard for him to forgive himself. 

He was so enraged with your father and your good for nothing fiance, how could they fail you like this, break you so much that you threw yourself into the arms of every other man, hurt you so bad that you wanted to kill yourself. 

He wiped his tears and tightened his arm around you, he wanted to keep you so protected that no man will be able to hurt you ever again. But he was scared, so scared.

After two hours when you woke up he was still asleep, he was snoring softly once in a while and that looked really cute so you clicked a picture of him just to stare at it later whenever you'd miss him.

You perched yourself on your elbow and your fingers trailed over his sharp features, he was a light sleeper.

"Mmmmm watching me sleep? that's so creepy miss" you chuckled as you heard his groggy voice, it got even deeper and huskier. You kissed him on the lips softly and he hummed..

"I love sleeping with you" he lifted his head up to kiss you again and placed one of his arm behind his head, the other played with your hair as he tucked them behind your ear

"I love sleeping with you too, is my baby hungry?" He asked you and you nodded. You definitely did feel hungry, your appetite was starting to increase because of the proper meals you were having. 

"I want to eat pizza" your voice was so meak and you looked down so he placed his fingers on your chin to make you look at him.

"We will get Pizza then baby" you shook your head as you heard that and your eyes teared up,

"I can't ..I had burger recently, it's not good" 

"Hey what have i said about that hmm? I have told you I won't let you risk your health right?" He asked you so you nodded.

"We will workout tomorrow I promise okay? When was the last time you had it?" He asked you as you sniffled.

"It's been two years" he wrapped his arms around you instantly as soon as he heard that and sat up with you.

"That's it we are eating pizza and you don't have to feel guilty you hear me?" He told you as he rocked you side to side in his arms.

"I'll take care of you baby, you trust me?" He asked you so you nodded furiously. His heart swelled and he was afraid it would burst if you continue to be so adorable like this.

"Good girl..let me order it then we can have it, you want to watch a movie?"You smiled at the mention of the movie as you knew the perfect place. You grabbed his hand and took him to the third floor, 

"Okay where are we going?" He chuckled as he allowed you to drag him behind you.

"Movie" his eyes widened as you took him to a home theater, it had everything in there. Big projector screen, comfortable convertible chair that even had a massager installed in it. A vending machine on the side for snacks and drinks. Everything.

You made him sit down as you grabbed two bears and some snacks. You connected Netflix to the projector and asked him to pick a movie,

"Does this mansion have everything?" He asked you and you nodded 

"Almost" 

You spent the next few hours laughing and giggling. He took you back to the room when It was time for you to eat. You couldn't have been happier, you wanted to spend the rest of your life like this, you didn't even know how good it felt to be loved so selflessly. 

However your plan to spend three beautiful days with him was ruined when Steve came back early the next day, and he wasn't alone, he brought his awful sister Katlyn and she also brought someone else with her. 

Someone you didn't think you'd ever see again.

🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚❤️🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚

[soggywert]

I'm new to your blog, but jeez I absolutely love your Top HCs.

Is there any possibility that you elaborate on trans Mav and bob? Only if you want to, no pressure at all.

TRANS!MAV AND TRANS!BOB

Thank you so much, I’m glad you’ve been enjoying the content so far! :) I hope to be pushing out some more hcs at some point

I’d love to elaborate, ofc! I could probably only do it in a list of just random thoughts on the two of them So I guess this calls for:

TRANS MAV AND TRANS BOB HCS EXTENDED VERSION (ft: nb Phoenix):

- Bob was out to Phoenix during their first kickboxing lessons (explained in next tg:m hc post!)

- Phoenix was so chill about it, and they actually ended up approaching Bob afterwards to ask about non-binary identity. Bob didn’t know much either, so they hung out after class to learn more about it. Give or take a few months, and Phoenix comes out as nb with she/they pronouns. 

- Phoenix borrows Bob’s old binders some days when they’re feeling a bit dysphoric

- Bob is one of the better rugby players out of the team, and when it comes to team picking, both usually fight for whos turn it is for Bob to be on

- Rooster was first to know about Bob and was so happy for him. They had classes together before Dagger Squad and grew close, so it was good to know Bob trusted him with that info. He’s so over protective and will jump to Bob’s side if someone dares say anything that gives the impression of them being transphobic It did remind him of Maverick a lot, and actually made him reconsider seeing him again, but always doubled down on that idea because of the papers incident

- Hangman was chill when finding it out, but was very new to the whole thing. For once, he wasn’t an asshole about something.

- Bob and Hangman are both from somewhere in the more southern states, you can hear it in their accents. So, like, hear me out: Hangman finds out about this and gets him a trans themed cowboy hat where it looks like a normal hat, but the liner on the inside is white, blue and pink themed. It’s custom, and thought it would be a nice gift. Bob actually really appreciates it and wears it where he can

- change room situation is that Bob uses the bathroom to change and get ready, because they now have individual bathrooms for people. It makes it easier than a stall, like most other places. 

- Vice Admiral Cyclone has ALWAYS been there to look after Bob and give him as much opportunity as possible. He always saw so much potential in him and did not want anyone else to push that down. He’s, in a sense, a bit of Bob’s own guardian angel, minus Bob getting into as much trouble as Maverick does.

on topic of mav, heres his hcs 

- Maverick was very very closeted and didn’t tell anyone when he first entered the navy. The first person to know was Carole, because they were both so open to each other about things and became very close. That was the one secret Carole could keep from Goose, till Mav told him.

- When Goose found out, he was over the moon that Mav felt he could trust him enough to know. Just like Roos and Bob, he became so protective over Mav. Both Carole and Goose were. It’s the Bradshaw way. If it was a comment about Mav’s height? Younger Goose in the early days would have threatened to knock a few teeth out. The two of them came to the conclusion that maybe fighting insults with sarcasm and wit was probably the safest way around things

THE ‘LADIES ROOM’ COMMENT ICE MADE (a thread)

- Ice did not know about Mav being trans. LET’S MAKE THAT CLEAR

- Ice and Mav making eye contact the whole time during their first debrief had been Mav’s first experience with what he thought was subtle transphobia. He hadn’t had this in a good long time, since he started T. 

- Ice was just curious with Maverick, and sent him one of his classic smiles because his gaydar was going crazy. Though when he heard the ‘just wondering... who’s the best?’ from Maverick, he came to the conclusion it was gonna be back and forth banter. The whole arrogant pilot scene honestly was just </3 miscommunication

- When Ice made the ladies room comment, Mav felt panic hit him harder than a brick. The dread crawl down his spine. He felt outed. How did this guy know? Was he gonna risk getting Goose and his ass kick out of Top Gun? Goose gripping onto his shoulder and doing that fake laugh grounded him, though. It past over everyones heads, it seemed.

- Mav by the end of the day felt horrible, so when Goose got him home, he didn’t leave till he knew Mav was feeling better. The watched bad tv shows together, got stuff off their chest. Mav tried not to cry over it

(END OF THREAD)

- okay now anyway when Ice found out he ended up apologising; over it, because he felt genuinely pretty shit realising the context.

- Mav usually changed in more private areas, and always had showers at home. He used his ocd (hc from pt 4 of my hc series) as an excuse for hygiene contamination

- ICE AND GOOSE WHERE LIKE MAVS PERSONAL BODY GUARDS - say something rude? Your ass is grass.

- Viper always looked out for Mav, ever since he was younger. He was keeping tabs on the kid after Duke died; when he found Mav was trans, he didn’t stop at nothing to try slipping him into the navy (he may be just a commander, but he has friends who are higher ups)

MAVERICK AND BOB HCS COMBO

- Maverick and Bob talk about the how protective Bradshaw’s are </3

- all throughout the dog fight rugby, Mav kept checking in on Bob to see how he was doing.

- The mavdad impulsiveness takes over when another person, even if it’s sarcastic or not entirely directed at Bob, says an insult.

- I feel ike i’ve already said this but Mav and Bob giving each other tips; and Bob helping Mav realise things are different now and he doesn’t have to be so discrete EVEN GETS MAV SOME HANDMADE PRIDE + PRONOUN PINS FOR WHEN PRIDE MONTH COMES AROUND

- OFTEN FOUND TALKING ABOUT THEIR GUARDIAN ANGELS. when Mav found out Cyclone was Bob’s guardian angel, he was so confused

- apart from Mav and Rooster, Bob is one of the closest people Mav has, because they genuinely treat each other liek family. They’ve both had similar yet so different life experiences, and they’ve become so close from them

- hear me out: Mav: do you want to play catch, son? Bob, tearing up at the father/son stereotypes he’s been included in: yeah, dad.

-

I don’t know why but now Mav and Dagger Squad fam is giving me We’re the Millers vibes.

ALSO PRIDE MONTH DAGGER SQUAD

-

Okay, I think this a wrap for the trans mav and bob hcs :) I wrote this a bit sleep deprived so it might not flow too well fdhgf; I hope you’ve enjoyed these hcs, and they’ve elaborated on a few more things I hope to be releasing the new tg:m hcs pt 5 soon (holy shit, there’s 5 of them already) and maybe, just maybe, some art and an animation 

HAVE A LOVELY DAY FDHDFHFG

Other works:

Top Gun: Maverick hcs: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/hangman-puzzlesolver/692152151697473536?source=share

IceMav Ice Rink Date (tumblr and ao3(better) ver) Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/hangman-puzzlesolver/693824783775907840?source=share Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41331882

THANK YOU FOR 50+ FOLLOWERS!

[millsmonretti]

♕ ( n/a / 33 / female / she/her ) — did you see MILLIE MONRETTI wandering around the island today? they kind of look like LILY COLLINS from certain angles? i heard around town that the SERVER AT NONNA’S ITALIAN RESTAURANT is OPTIMISTIC and COMPASSIONATE, but also HOPELESS and INSECURE. people say that they remind them of PASTEL PINK, THE GLOW AND WARMTH OF A LIT CANDLE, and RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS, and GOOD LEGS by JENSEN MCRAE is definitely their theme song. they seem like a nice enough person, but we all know how hard it is to keep a pristine reputation in a small town. ( sie / 29 / cst / she/her )

tw: car accident mention

↳ FULL NAME: millie elizabeth monretti ( nicknames: mills ) ↳ AGE: 33 ↳ PRONOUNS: she/her ↳ FACE CLAIM: lily collins ↳ BIRTHDATE: june 22 ↳ ZODIAC cancer ↳ HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 5'3 ; 105 lbs ↳ JOB: server @ nonna’s italian resturant ; former ballerina ↳ RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single ↳ SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual ↳ HOMETOWN: around nashville, tennesee // been in kingshaven for three months ↳ FOUR TEMPERAMENTS: phlegmatic ↳ SIN / VIRTUE: envy / kindness

↳ CHARACTER TRAITS: compassionate, agreeable, creative, responsible, reserved, trusting, moody, secretive, perfectionist, indecisive, insecure, loyal, passionate, clumsy, dork

↳ LIKES: fuzzy socks, the glow of the moon, baking, art, ballet, red wine, acts of kindness, an organized bookcase, the ambiance of candles, visiting museums, the colors of a sunrise and/or sunset, farmer’s markets on the weekend, adult coloring books, the ocean or any bodies of water, touching (hand holding, etc), high heels, making lists, macaroons

↳ DISLIKES: cold weather, crying in front of anyone, comparing herself to every other girl she sees, spoiling a book or tv show or movie, talking about her feelings, pranks, rejection, pantyhose runs, arrogance, losing touch with people, pineapple, overcooked pasta, having to wait a long time, mac and cheese, feelings of jealousy

MINI BIOGRAPHY

she grew up near nashville, tennessee the daughter to a wealthy lawyer as her father and stay at home mother. she knew she was destined to be a ballerina the first time she saw The Nutcracker ballet. she begged her mother to let her go to ballet school, which luckily met a few days a week after school hours, which was the selling point that allowed her parents to let her go.

it was important to her parents that she finished her public education through high school at least, so she did and she didn’t slack off or anything in school. she tried to maintain decent grades, but it was clear she wasn’t as interested in classes that she couldn’t express her creativity in. she worked much harder to train and impress her teachers in ballet school.

her teachers often complimented her hard work, saying that she had excellent discipline and form. by the time she graduated high school, she had even been in minor roles for the Nashville Ballet’s Nutcracker but now she was ready to dance for the company full time. she would spend most of the ballet season downtown in the actual city of Nashville for the season and the few months she wasn’t on stage, she’d come back home.

she did have many solo performances throughout her years dancing for the Nashville Ballet, but she knew after battling through a few minor sprains that her body just wasn’t up for the rigor of the ballet anymore. she moved in with her parents temporarily but that was cut short when the three of them were in a car accident and millie was the sole survivor. after the funeral, she learned she was getting a pretty nice inheritance and she also sold her parent’s house, got in her car, and she didn’t look back. 

she didn’t have any plans as far as where she was going — just somewhere where no one would know her name. she stopped in kingshaven for gas primarily but then she ate at the Italian restaurant and ended up charmed by the town. she got a job at the restaurant for now and has stayed in the town for three months now. right now, she doesn’t have plans to leave but she is still a little cautious about planting too many roots in town, but she’s also not the type to be closed off as she enjoys getting to know people and maybe finding people that make it worth staying for good.

connections: she really needs friends from all stages of life, artsy people, coworkers at the restaurant, hookups, fwbs, etc! I’m pretty open to ideas!

[pekuliar]

Class 1a (+ their Teachers) as Med Students/DRs

Just let me be a wanky med person 🅱️lease I swear this is very accurate and detailed !!!!!

Izuku - Got straight A’s in high school, has all the right passion/drive, but initially didn’t make the cut because he just didn’t have enough on his high school résumé. Great bedside manner, very smart, but can often overstep his boundaries as a student or let his nerves get the best of him.

Katsuki - GUNNER AF. Gifted Kid Syndrome, personified. Because of his attitude people think he’s just a super “gifted” slacker or perhaps has family connections, but really he wakes up at 5am and does like 1000+ Anki flash cards before ward rounds. Has picked fights with doctors who have diagnosed things too quickly. Impeccable clinical skills but ABYSMAL bedside manner. He’s often 100% right in what he says though, just…..tonally incorrect.

Shouto - His dad is a prolific lawyer and an abusive asshole. So to spite him (initially), Shouto went into med instead. Because hey, he’s received 100x more kindness from random paediatric ER doctors than from his own father, so why not? He’s a little blunt and not great at dealing with emotions, but so earnest and gentle that patients gravitate to him anyway. He can be a little flippant about the “chain of command”, but bc he’s usually right, so it’s difficult for doctors to ignore him. People expect someone so stern as him to gun for Surg, but Shouto has found his niche in Paediatrics!

MORE under the cut !!!!

Ochako - Got in on a scholarship. Her father was saved by a kind surgeon who argued against a consultant that tried to kick him out for not being able to pay the hospital bills. Since then, she’s wanted to do Med to advocate for marginalised patients and fight for more equitable access. Comes across meek and shy, but put her in front of a patient and she is INTIMIDATINGLY good. The few doctors that have tried to bully her are terrified.

Tenya - Comes from a Med family !!! Super Med af. You’d expect him to be hella wanky and arrogant but he’s always sharing his notes with everyone, and is the first one to confront the Med faculty about unfair exam schedules and stand up for his fellow students.

Eijiro - Ridiculously optimistic. Perhaps he’s not the best at pathology/pharmacology, but he’s VERY good at anatomy and has wanted to do Orthopaedics since forever! He’s always encouraging his friends and just radiates warmth. You wouldn’t expect it from his dudebro mannerisms, but he’s sensitive and attentive and really great at helping patients feel at ease. Probably has the 4 core Med ethics principles tattooed somewhere …….

Denki - Ok, so not the brightest…..but in a course full of extremely bright people, he’s still quite a smart guy. While not a “book-learner” in any capacity, he’s got impressive instincts, sharp deduction/pattern-recognition, and great social skills, so he’ll look like a goof but no one realises he’s gotten a full clinical history in half the time. Is pathologically anxious about dragging his team down, despite pulling his weight when he needs to quite nicely.

Tsuyu - Has the strangest most niche knowledge about the strangest most niche conditions/drug reactions that she’ll just spout at random times lol I just feel like she would. Not chatty by any means, and like Shouto can be a little too blunt, but she’s always looking out for patients and reassuring them in small, non-verbal ways.

Momo - Incredibly intelligent, hard-working, humble, and has great bedside manner. But for someone so well-balanced, you wouldn’t expect her to be so anxious on the wards. She’s too scared to even cannulate patients because she’s terrified of hurting patients — even though she was the FIRST to do a perfect cannula in their cannulation lessons. The mom friend, always reminding her friends to take their mental health seriously around exams!

Mina - Like Eijiro, what she lacks in “book smarts” she makes up for with infectious optimism and all-round warmth. She’s always the first to suggest group study sessions, and loves teaching things to the younger year levels! The first to jump in try new procedures, and her first cannulation was a BREEZE.

Aizawa - Chronically exhausted surgeon, has cancelled lessons before because of a particularly difficult night shift the previous night. Comes across dry and stern, and gets ANNOYED when his students say they “didn’t learn this disease because it wasn’t important in the exam”. The students think he’s a total Grinch until they see him with his patients - he’s got this quiet warmth and gentleness about him.

Present Mic - He runs a med podcast that covers important content in a fun way, and ALWAYS plugs it in his lectures. “Hello fellow kids” personified — his lecture slides are UNUSABLE bc they’re so PACKED with godawful memes that it’s impossible to use them for revision unless you were actually at the lecture annotating them. Like Denki, he comes across as a total goof, but in front of patients he’s a totally different person.

All Might - Once a prolific surgeon, admired by all. Due to a progressive neuromuscular condition, (maybe MS?) now he can’t work for long before his hands start shaking and he has terrible back pain. He wants to pass on as much knowledge as he can before he has to retire, and has taken the 1a kids under his wing. Jolly and always encouraging, but even his students can tell there’s an undercurrent of grief about him.

Will add more !!!!! What do y’all think?? Do add ur own HC’s that’ll be super fun !!!!

[taexual]

i’d love you to stay but that’s simply insane // JJK (13)

   jungkook is an uncontrollable lead vocalist of the campus band, and you’re a goal-oriented top student that’s known his rich and complicated family since childhood. you don’t want anything to do with each other, until each other is exactly what you want to do.

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: college au

warnings: angst, years of longing escalating into something serious

words: 8.6k (send help)

   chapter thirteen

The lamp posts on the street illuminated Jungkook’s face with a warm yellow haze as the two of you walked back to your dormitory, the noise of the party – and the argument you’d had outside of it – already behind you. You didn’t dare to watch him for longer than just a split-second but you could feel his eyes on you when he thought you were too focused on the pavement to notice.

You hadn’t said a word to each other since you left the front yard of his house – and that was already two and a half blocks away – and both of you were busy worrying what the right way to say goodbye once you reached your dorm was. A wave didn’t feel enough but a hug seemed inappropriate after the intense conversation you’d had.

Clearing his throat, Jungkook volunteered to make your trip less awkward.

“Were you actually going to have me arrested?” he asked, recalling your previous threat with surprising clarity – probably because it had impressed him so much.

You sighed, recognizing the amusement on his features – no matter how hard he tried to play it off as simple curiosity – and then said, “no, probably not. That would have only ruined your whole plan and your future—”

“I already have a record,” he pointed out. He said it like that was supposed to make you feel better – it’s totally fine if you get me arrested, you know – but you almost stopped walking in surprise.

“Y-you do?” you asked, unable to fathom how a family as rich as his could not find a way to ensure their beloved son remained a flawless citizen.

“It’s not the first time I got into a fight,” he explained simply and, if you hadn’t known the truth, you’d have thought he really was just your usual troublemaker with no strong backing from his relatives whatsoever. “Some of those fights were more public than others.”

“And your dad���?”

“He took care of it to the best of his ability,” Jungkook admitted, sounding far less dignified than when he mentioned he had a record – as if that was something to be proud of. “But he can only do so much without staining his own reputation. It’s just a few misdemeanors anyway, so he decided it wasn’t worth it. If it proved to be a problem later on, he thought he could just blame it on my youth.”

You chose not to voice it – to avoid an argument that would certainly arise because that was just how Jungkook was – but you couldn’t help thinking that his father’s reasoning was actually different. Maybe he chose not to cover Jungkook’s previous arrest up to teach him a lesson.

“Does that bother you?” you asked instead.

“What?

“That he didn’t put enough work to cover this up.”

Jungkook looked down. All of your questions about his feelings, his wishes, his ambitions were so unusual to him that he didn’t even know what the proper way of answering them was, because you looked like you genuinely wanted to know. You didn’t ask just to be polite.

“No,” he ended up saying, “I didn’t want him to cover it up. And it’s not like I acted out to get his attention, or anything. He seemed really tired of it all when he had to deal with that. You know he’s usually the sort who gets his frustrations out vocally?”

“Yeah,” you said.

“Well, when he picked me up from the police station, he didn’t say a word,” Jungkook said. “It was like I’d unlocked a new level of disappointment – one I’d never seen before – where he was just quietly fuming. Or just… so disappointed, he couldn’t even begin to find words.”

You felt jittery. It was hard to walk when your legs kept trying to bounce nervously, hoping to rid you of the excessive anxiety.

“I never knew this,” you said.

Jungkook gave you a smile that wasn’t supposed to seem sad but, because it was purposefully meant to conceal his despair, sad was exactly what it seemed like.

“My mom didn’t tell yours,” he said.

“But they tell each other everything,” you felt the need to point out but you could feel your own naivety getting the best of you – even the people, who had no secrets, had secrets.

“Yeah, I know,” Jungkook replied. “But I don’t think my mom would have had it in her to brag to her best friend – with a straight-A student for a daughter – that her son got arrested. She may have been less obvious than my dad, but she was still just as disappointed.”

Your heart clenched uncomfortably when he mentioned your scholarly achievements and, for a brief moment, you almost felt bad for being such a good student when he was struggling to be a good person.

But you didn’t think now was the time to feel bad about yourself – especially since there wasn’t anything you should have felt bad about in the first place – and you eyed Jungkook carefully before finally daring to ask, “did they ever say they were disappointed in you?”

“They don’t have to say it, it’s plain and obvi—”

“No, but maybe that’s just you assuming things,” you interrupted. Your mind conjured up a thousand scenarios of how this conversation could have gone wrong, but your mouth kept moving, “you have that right. I mean, they have been disappointed in you plenty of times before. But maybe this time they weren’t. Maybe they were just scared for you.”

Jungkook looked at you and he wanted to believe that you were basing your speculations on some legitimate evidence that he’d missed, instead of just hoping that this was true. But he’s known his parents long enough to recognize their defeat.

“Why would they be scared?” he questioned rhetorically. “I know how to throw a punch.”

“Well, maybe that’s why,” you said.

“No, that’s not it,” he said firmly. “They don’t get scared when I get into fights. They get  frustrated, like how did I dare to do that? And then do that again. And again. Maybe they also get confused: I am their son and yet they can’t explain why I am this way.”

He said it like he was diseased – like lacking proper conflict-resolution skills and being impulsive was an illness he’d inherited from someone and, since no one else in his family was sick, that had to mean he didn’t belong there. He belonged somewhere else.

And every time he did something that did not fit into the frame of acceptable behavior in his family’s eyes, it just reminded them that he was the black sheep in a herd of white ones. How did he get here?

“It’s not just you,” you said, your heart hurting. No matter if his parents were really disappointed in him or if they were just worried for him, no child should ever feel like he didn’t belong at home. “Kids from close, loving families rarely grow up to be impulsive or, well, aggressive.”

He clenched his jaw after you said this and that was when you knew that, despite feeling shunned for not being the son his parents had wanted, Jungkook was still their son. They were still his parents.

“I was always like this,” he declared. “From the day I was born. You know that. The relationship with my family hardly changed anything.”

You wondered if he was aware he was defending his family – the family that constantly hurt him with their expectations – by shifting all blame to himself.

“They could have worked as a preventative measu—”

“How, exactly? Remember the time I gave three kids from my pre-school class bloody noses?” he said to prove his point. “Because one of them mocked my drawing of a giraffe and the other two laughed.”

“I-I remember—” you struggled to find a word, “that. It’s not an acceptable way to solve conflict. If they’d taught you that—”

“Acceptability is subjective,” he snapped.

“Uh, sure,” you said and then stopped to wonder if you had the right to draw these conclusions about him.

You thought that, if only Jungkook had gotten more love from the people who were most responsible to love him, he may have grown up to be different – but saying that out loud would have made you sound far too condescending and it would have made a normal person feel uneasy.

Someone who was as arrogant as Jungkook was bound to get riled up – he was already defensive enough as it was – and, maybe, rightfully so. He wasn’t telling you about his family to have you psychoanalyze him. He was just talking to you.

“I-I guess there are other factors that determine how a person chooses to react to something,” you said, threading more carefully now. “For example, you let your testosterone make your decisions for you.”

The sudden transition to biology confused him as he turned to look at you with furrowed eyebrows. “My testosterone?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “It’s obviously your uncontrollable hormones that get you in these situations in the first place. You’re like a twelve-year-old boy, unsure what to do with himself, so you just go with whatever your instincts tell you.”

“Fourteen-year-old boy,” he corrected.

You shrugged. “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is I was fourteen when we stopped being friends.”

That only confused your further. “What does that have to do with—”

“Maybe you were the preventative measure that my family was supposed to be for me,” Jungkook said, the words pouring out as smoothly and elegantly as the floating of your skirt in the windy night. He chuckled humorlessly as he finished, “and then I lost that – the only positive influence in my life.”

You wanted to tell him that he never lost you. That he tried to rid himself of you, he tried to walk away – but he never lost you. No matter how much you wanted to detach yourself from him, to walk away, to move on – he never lost you.

And, more than that, you wanted to ask him why that happened – to demand why he walked away – but allowing him to shift the focus to your relationship would have been selfish. This wasn’t about you-and-him right now. This was about you and him.

Because you were here. You were always here. But Jungkook wasn’t – not always. Often, he fell out of touch with himself completely. And if there was no him, there could never be you-and-him.

“You… you need to be the positive influence in your life,” you said instead, advocating for independence when all you wanted was for him to let you hold his hand so he was steadier on his feet. “You can’t rely on others to get you out of the messes you create all the time.”

“I know,” Jungkook said but he no longer felt like discussing the reasons for his behavior, because every reason eventually led back to you – and when he thought of you, he couldn’t think of anything else. “But I never learned how to take care of myself, did I?”

“No, you never did,” you agreed and then, watching him smile appreciatively – you rarely ever agreed with him – you continued more playfully, “maybe it’s time you started learning, you big baby.”

He laughed and even the wind stopped to listen.

“Maybe,” he said then, the same pathetic hopeful tone that was in your voice before, now evident in his, “I do have you to help me again, don’t I?”

You do, you wanted to say, you’ve always had me. But you only smiled.

“I can’t be the one to handle your conflicts for you,” you said instead. “You have to learn how to do that yourself. How to do that responsibly. I can just… be there for you.”

And, much to the joy of your body that was aching to support him, he smiled and said, “that’s more than enough.”

“Okay,” you swallowed. You felt relieved suddenly – like the tension that surrounded you since you left the party had finally dissipated – and, paradoxically, nervous. Like you didn’t know how to act anymore.

Jungkook didn’t seem to notice that, however, as he teased, “support me even when I inevitably fuck up again, though, yeah?”

You raised your eyebrows, countering his lively pout.

“That’s not a very good attitude,” you said. “How do you expect to change if you’re setting yourself up for failure from the get-go?”

He shrugged. “By a miracle?”

“Jungkook.”

“Come on. I have you rooting for me. I won’t let you down,” he assured you and then, carelessly throwing his arm around your shoulders, added, “I am a great actor. I just have to start playing a responsible role.”

“It’s your father you’re supposed to prove your responsibility to, not me,” you reminded him – just like he’d reminded you a few days ago in your dorm room – although your skin was burning from his touch. “But I’m hoping that by pretending to be responsible, you’ll actually learn a thing or two and prove yourself to us both.”

Jungkook looked at you – his face so close and so welcoming – and said, in the most laid-back fashion that was possible for someone who’d just crossed half the campus while analyzing his childhood issues, “you’re very preachy when you’re drunk.”

It felt like you’d left the party years ago as you said, “I don’t feel drunk anymore.”

“Oh, well. That doesn’t surprise me then.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” he leaned his head against yours and the touch of your temples was electrifying -- like shock therapy that numbed every one of your senses except the ones that consumed his close presence. “I’ve missed your lectures.”

You doubted that but your voice didn’t sound convincing when you spoke – he probably wouldn’t have even heard you if he wasn’t so close, “have you, really?”

“Hmm,” he purred and your pulse nearly flat-lined. “I’ve missed everything about you.”

If you two weren’t walking so close to each other, if he didn’t have his arm around your shoulders, if his head wasn’t pressed against yours – then maybe his words wouldn’t have strummed the strings of your heart so terribly and so delightfully. Maybe you wouldn’t have forgotten all about the seven-year-long silence when you heard the song his words played for you.

But you were walking so close to each other – so close, in fact, that a passerby wouldn’t have been able to tell where your body ended and his began; you shared a silhouette.

And he did have his arm around your shoulders – pulling you closer to him while making sure you were steady on your feet even if his own balance was off.

And his head was pressed against yours – so gently and yet so naturally, it was as if there were magnets inside your skulls and they literally pulled you to one another.

And, thus, when you reached the door of your dorm room, you could not imagine yourself saying goodbye. You couldn’t imagine watching him walk away.

“Are you coming in?” you asked as Jungkook waited a few steps away, unsure how to behave now that the moment-at-the-end-of-the-night had arrived.

“I thought you said you felt like going to sleep,” he said perhaps a little awkwardly.

“I do,” you said and maybe you were still drunk without realizing it but you felt bold enough to add, “but I also feel like spending time with you in a place where... we don’t have to worry about what other people think. Not to mention, your wound needs to be taken a look at.”

“My wound?” his bruised cheekbones had completely escaped his mind. “Oh, that—it’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“At least, let me put a band-aid on it,” you asked.

“And cover up my beautiful face?” he scoffed, using his favorite strategy of dealing with problems – deflection. “No.”

You sighed. “It won’t be beautiful if it scars.”

“Are you kidding?” he still didn’t give in, bringing a hand down the side of his own face and clenching his teeth so you wouldn’t see him wince when he touched the wound. “It’ll make me look badass.”

“You’re a baby,” you declared and then ordered, “come inside.”

“Not if you’re going to be pulling your medical equipment out on me—”

Groaning, you cut him off with a reluctant – but irritated – promise, “I won’t. Now, come in.”

“Are you sure?” Jungkook checked again but he was already reaching for the door that you kept open for him.

“Yes,” you said.

He still hesitated. “Because you don’t have to—”

His uncertainty did terrible things to your boldness – it seemed to vanish with every moment that he did not enter your room.

“Look, if you’d rather get back to the party,” you said, “and drink some more of Taehyung’s painfully unbearable drinks, then, by all means, go—”

“No,” he cut in sharply – maybe too sharply – and then, just to be sure you understood why he cut you off, he said, “I’d rather be with you.”

“Well, come inside, then,” you said and, because you were nervous, you felt the need to add, “but I can’t promise to be more entertaining than absinthe.”

He snickered, finally walking past your doorway. “Oh, you have a far bigger effect on me than absinthe.”

He stopped to take his shoes off. You stopped to lock the door.

The hallway of your dorm-room was very small for two people but, locked away from the rest of the world, you suddenly felt like you were home. Like there was nothing to be nervous about here. Like you were back with your best friend that you’d known for decades.

“Ah,” you started to say because you were back with your best friend that you’d known for decades, “so it burns your throat when you get in contact with me and you feel sick every time you look at me?”

“That’s—” Jungkook paused, one sneaker off. He raised his eyes to look at you. “You really hate it that much, huh?”

“It’s a rational feeling,” you said, unbuckling the strap of your own shoes. “Absinthe is not meant to be enjoyable.”

“Well, if we’d stayed longer, you would have seen what my bandmates do with it,” Jungkook said. “It involves a cube of sugar and a whole lot of cursing because their hands shake too much to do anything.”

He hadn’t realized just how hypnotizing it could be to watch someone take off their shoes so, when you finally placed your shoes on the floor, your feet aching from the torture you’d put them through tonight, he was still staring at your legs.

You cleared your throat, somewhat self-conscious now. “I’m, uh—I’m a little intrigued.”

This got him to lift his eyes to your face. “Oh? So… does that mean there’s a little possibility you’ll go to the party with me again next week?”

“Next week,” you repeated, realizing that this was Parental Advisory’s routine: parties every Friday, hangovers every Saturday. You turned around with a soft sigh and headed into the bedroom, plopping down on your bed. “I didn’t sign up for that.”

Jungkook chuckled, sitting down on the bed next to you.

“You don’t have to come,” he said, keeping respectful distance from you – because you weren’t walking across campus anymore, now you were on a bed – but still remaining close enough to hear your faint breathing. “I was just kidding. We can stay here.”

You looked at him. “No.”

“No?” he repeated, his voice breaking in surprise. “Okay, then. We don’t have to do anything togeth—”

“No, I just mean—you like that,” you clarified before his stomach could drop any lower. “You enjoy partying, hanging out with people, drinking, dancing, and all that. I don’t want you to give that up to hang out with me here.”

You were saying you didn’t want to bore him. You were saying you didn’t want him to overstep the boundaries of your fake relationship.

He’d never heard you say something so stupid before and he didn’t realize that it was his own words that got you to feel this uncertain.

“I’m not giving anything up,” he said because, apparently, even the smartest people sometimes needed to have it spelled out for them. “I do enjoy that but I also enjoy spending time with you.”

In your defense, it wasn’t spelling out that you needed. It was reassurance.

“We haven’t done that since we were… well, in middle school,” you pointed out and your last words were an incantation of a silence spell that prevented you from saying anything else for the next few minutes.

This time was no exception, as both of you shared a thoughtful moment, avoiding each other’s eyes, and then Jungkook clapped his palms on his knees, nodding his head in the direction of your laptop on the desk across the room.

The spell was broken. You weren’t going to speak of that day. Not today.

“Well, come on, then,” he said. “We have a lot of catching up to do, it’s been seven years. Show me the movies I’ve missed.”

“Lots of movies came out in seven years,” you replied but got up from the bed to get your computer nevertheless.

“Well,” Jungkook said, dramatically extending his arm to check the non-existent watch on his wrist. “We’ve got a long night ahead of us.”

You sat back down, smiling at his antics, and pulling up your Videos folder. You scanned it briefly, trying to pick one movie that would leave a long-lasting impression on him – even though you couldn’t explain why you wanted to impress him.

“Don’t think about it,” he suggested. “Just choose the first one. We’ll watch them all.”

You scoffed. “There’s not a chance in hell you’ll stay awake through more than one movie.”

“You want to bet?” he countered, knowing your taste in movies too well. “After the movie you’ll choose, I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep for a week.”

You rolled your eyes as you smiled – he’d never grown to like horror movies as much as you did – and teased, “don’t be a baby.”

“I can’t,” he pouted on purpose, hoping for more of your sympathy and not knowing that he already had all of it. “I scare easily.”

“You don’t,” you said. “You just get distracted all the time and everything catches you unprepared.”

“That’s the same thing,” he insisted.

Sighing as you finally settled on the movie, you gave him a look. “Just try not to fall asleep on me, okay?”

“Do you mean that literally or—”

“I mean it in every sense of the word,” you replied. “If you start snoring during my favorite part, I might not be able to forgive you.”

“So strict about snoring,” he said, a mocking grin on his lips.

“I am,” you replied, completely serious. “So, now that we’ve established that—”

“We established that in second grade,” he reminded you, “when you tried to suffocate me with a pillow during our sleepover.”

“I…” you started to say but the memory was too unexpected and overwhelming – and he didn’t remember it correctly. “I tried to get you to stop snoring!”

“By putting a pillow on my face!”

“Nothing else worked!”

“You could have kicked me!”

“I did!” you said. “Several times. My feet bruised.”

He rolled his eyes, adamant to prove your murderous tendencies. “Oh, please.”

You shook your head, the argument so pointless and unnecessary that you chose to opt for a compromise. “Let’s hope that doesn’t happen tonight, alright?”

“It won’t,” he assured you, “I stopped snoring after that incident. I guess, you could say I haven’t recovered from that trauma. I’m constantly afraid someone’s going to try to use a pillow on me—”

“I wasn’t trying to do that!” you said with a groan and when he opened his mouth to protest again, you cut in quickly, “drop this or I really will suffocate you with a pillow.”

He closed his mouth again and then nodded, impressed.

“Still very strict about snoring,” he corrected his earlier statement. “I’ll keep my breathing in check.”

You finger lingered on the mouse button, ready to play the movie you’d picked, but your mind lingered on the memory he’d brought back and all the other memories that came with it. It’s already been a long night, full of reminiscing, discussing, and analyzing. 

But you couldn’t resist it.

You’d wanted to know for so long – even if there was nothing to know and it was something that just happened as things sometimes did – that even the late hour couldn’t stop you.

You didn’t want closure. Seven years have gone by – you didn’t want it.

You needed it.

“Can I ask you something?” you started, swallowing slowly.

“Of course,” Jungkook said, unsure why your face had clouded all of a sudden.

“It’s been seven years,” you said and the thunderclouds started to make sense. “Why did you talk to me that night at the party?”

The question was so loaded, he probably wouldn’t have been able to answer it without reflecting on his entire life. But right now, after the night he’d had, you managed to catch him off guard and his mind was void of any answer that made sense.

“Because you were there,” he said because that was the simplest way of explaining it.

You needed more. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve…” he shifted his weight to his side until he was half-laying on your bed, his left shoulder pressed into the corner where your bed met the wall. His body was facing you but his eyes were on your hands, “I’ve wanted to talk to you for a very long time. Actually, since the day I told you we shouldn’t be talking anymore,” he paused here. He never learned how to talk about that without pausing. “Not a clever decision on my part.”

“Mm, no, not really,” you felt the bitterness in your voice as you said this but you didn’t try to justify it – and Jungkook didn’t need you to.

“Yeah,” he only nodded. “So, I don’t know. I saw an opportunity to talk to you again – and I was drunk, and sort of on a post-show high – so I took it.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” he confirmed but it sounded like only one half of an answer that you needed. Jungkook didn’t know how to explain the other half and he naively hoped he wouldn’t have to. “Timing, right?”

You weren’t sure if that was right. He could tell.

“You deserve a better answer,” he acknowledged, sighing heavily, “but I don’t want to lie and make up stories about how I’d been—I don’t know—bracing myself to talk to you for a long time, how I planned it all out, because that’s not true. I did want to talk to you, I’ve wanted to every day, but I probably never would have. Not if I wouldn’t have seen you right then and there, in front of me.”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t think I was in any position to seek you out,” he replied, “and, actually, I sort of got the feeling that you weren’t that excited to see me, either. Every time I saw you on campus, I’d blink, and you’d be on the other side of the street, already far away from me.”

Fair enough, you weren’t entirely blameless in this, either, you decided, and then admitted, “yeah. Maybe I was avoiding you a little.”

He chuckled. “I deserve that. I made the decision to… to stop talking to you and I knew I should have stuck with it.”

“Can I ask you something else, then?”

He knew what you were going to ask as he exhaled shakily and closed his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Why did you make that decision?” you asked, unafraid of the potentially childish connotations in your voice. You just needed to know. You’d waited for this long enough. “Why did you decide to stop being friends with me?”

Even though he hadn’t answered you yet, just getting the question out of your system felt so relieving, it was as if Sisyphus had dropped his boulder on your chest seven years ago and now, at long last, you’d rolled it off.

The boulder seemed to roll off onto Jungkook, however, as he tried to open his mouth to speak several times, but always ended up closing it again. He didn’t know where to begin.

“We… we were so different back then,” he finally said. He looked at you then and there was hope in his eyes – he wanted you to understand him without any words. “Remember?”

“From right now?” you asked. You weren’t willing to try to decipher the signals his eyes were sending you. Right now, you needed him to use his words.

“From each other,” he clarified. “You were always so focused on your studies and spent so much time working with the school staff when you were in the student council, you were essentially the de facto headmaster of our school.”

You snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Right. And I was… well, you knew me then. I haven’t changed much.”

“The troublemaker,” you said and then, almost automatically, tried to make light of the situation because he looked like he was having a hard time and you didn’t want that. “Good thing there are no more PTA meeting in college, huh?”

Jungkook laughed at this but his laughter lacked humor.

“Yeah,” he said, not sounding wistful in the slightest. He wouldn’t go back to high school even if someone paid him to do it. “There’s still the risk of expulsion even without them. That never goes away in any institution.”

“It’s what brings you to life, though,” you said, your previous discussion returning to your mind. “You love the adrenaline, the danger of doing something that might have long-lasting repercussions. You always have.”

“And you don’t,” he said sadly. “That’s why I felt like—I didn’t want to—I was bad for you.”

Your loud heartbeat momentarily halted your ability to comprehend his words. “Hmm?”

“You probably don’t know this, but,” he hesitated on the very edge of what he knew you needed to hear, “I’d overheard my parents talk about us once, after our middle school graduation.”

There it was again. The last day of your middle school.

Thankfully, this time, the silence spell didn’t linger and Jungkook continued. Actually, this time, the spell didn’t even work on him – now that he’d decided to answer your question – now that he’d found how to answer it – he couldn’t be silenced.

“And the only thing I remember from their conversation,” he said, “is my mom – who’s been on my side for as long as I could remember, standing up for me to my teachers even when they believed I was a lost cause – saying to my dad that she was afraid I was going to be the end of you.”

“What?” you asked, perplexed.

After spending almost every day with Jungkook – and his family, too – for years, you hadn’t even considered that they may have been talking about you when you weren’t there.

“She, um… she saw something between us that we didn’t, I guess,” Jungkook continued as his fingers absentmindedly toyed with the edge of your blanket, his eyes on the shredded fleece. “And she believed I would be the reason why you stopped working so hard. Why you lost your ambitions. She thought I’d turn you into someone entirely different.”

“But that’s—why would she—” all the questions you had tried to pour out of you at once.

“She saw how much we meant to each other and—”

“Yeah, but—” you cut him off and, closing your eyes for a moment to settle on just one of the many things you wished him to explain, you tried, “I mean, why couldn’t she have looked at it from a different perspective? I could have been the good influence that you needed in your life. Y-you said I was.”

“I thought you were. I still think you are. But, um…” Jungkook spoke to the fleece blanket because he couldn’t speak to you,  “she… she didn’t seem to think you had it in you to resist me.”

“Resist you?” you repeated, unexpectedly offended. But that only lasted for a second before you felt it necessary to disarm yourself and stop pretending. You were absolutely devoted to Jungkook when you were growing up. “Oh, fuck it,” you said. “She probably had a point.”

Jungkook was prepared to hear your offence. He was not prepared to hear that.

“She had?” he repeated, looking at you for the first time since he started talking.

You swallowed the ball in your throat. “Yeah.”

Shakily, Jungkook concluded, “so, I made the right choice, then.”

“By putting an end to our friendship?” you asked, suddenly aware of how cold your body seemed to be, your hands especially – and painfully so, too. Dancing with the ghosts of your past proved to be difficult. “Was that for my benefit, then?”

It wasn’t the disbelief in your voice that he focused on. It was the anger.

You’d moved on. He thought you moved on – you were still the same in almost every aspect that he remembered, but you were also so different: so mature, so determined, so certain.

And he was partially right – you clearly didn’t hold a very strong grudge. But he also felt ridiculous for assuming that, despite it being so long, you wouldn’t still be angry about this now.

You’d allowed him back into your life and blessed him by not asking him to explain himself for weeks before you finally gathered the courage to do it; it was natural for you to feel angry about something that you’d waited for for so long.

“That’s… well, it was supposed to be,” he explained and then felt the need to defend his decision by saying, “that’s how everyone seemed to see it. I didn’t want you to lose the best parts of yourself because of me. And I don’t doubt that your parents were also relieved when I was no longer such a prominent part of your life.”

You had considered the possibility that Jungkook ended your friendship per the request of his parents. But you had assumed they saw you as a threat to him – even if, in retrospective, that didn’t make a lot of sense; what threat could you have possibly posed to him or the company?

Instead, it was the other way around.

Looking down, you said, “my parents weren’t relieved.”

“They weren’t?” Jungkook repeated because he couldn’t find enough words of his own.

“No,” you confirmed, remembering the not-so-distant times when Jungkook’s name was a forbidden word at your dinner table. “Hardly any parent would feel relieved to see their child cry her eyes out for days.”

Admitting this made you feel vulnerable and it would have made you feel pathetic, too, if Jungkook didn’t immediately wince after you said this – not from pity, but from his own hurt.

“I’m sorry,” he said because he had to, and because he was. And then, even though he didn’t have to, he continued, “I didn’t handle that well, either. I broke my leg in a bike accident about three weeks after we last talked.”

You frowned, focusing all of your energy into your confusion so your wet eyelashes wouldn’t release the droplets of tears down your cheeks. “Was that—”

“That’s how I deal with my emotions,” he said with a nod, confirming your guess. “That is, I don’t. I get reckless and I do stupid shit. That’s the last time I ever saw Dad’s beloved Ducati. He sold it.”

“He sold the bike?” you asked. The bike had belonged to Jungkook’s father who was a casual collector of sports cars and motorcycles – much to the joy of his underage son – but Jungkook was never permitted to drive any of them, at least, not until he was “old enough” according to his father’s standard.

“On the same day they ‘scraped my body off the pavement.’ That’s how he put it,” Jungkook said. “I only got to ride it that one time. Clearly, I’m not a natural. But dad couldn’t believe I was stupid enough to get on a bike for the first time without a helmet or any help at all. He wasn’t even looking for reasons why I did it, he didn’t ask me anything. Just sold the bike, locked up the garage, and didn’t talk to me for a week after I returned from the hospital. Actually—t-that was the first major thing that lead to me moving out of their house later on.”

You replayed his words for a long time, thinking and trying to understand.

“Why did you ask me to put this act? To play a couple for your parents?” you asked when you thought you were ready for the final cross on the last T. “If they thought you were a bad influence on me, this—seeing us back together again, could have painted you in the wrong light again.”

He didn’t think so.

“It’s been so long,” he said, “and you’re arguably the best student in your year. You’re determined and driven. And you’d rather kick my ass to the curb than give in to me and what I want. You… you affect me in ways I could never affect you. Control me in ways I could never control you. And I mean that in a good way. You are a good influence on me. And my parents can see that now.”

Obviously, he wasn’t entirely aware of how much control he still had over you, but because now you knew that this was precisely the reason why you’d stopped being friends seven years ago, you chose not to bring it up.

“I… I don’t control you,” you said.

“You do,” he disagreed. “Maybe not intentionally—actually, probably not; I’d like to think that you didn’t want me to suffer—but you do. You want to stay inside of your room, watching movies – and I want that, too. You want me to come to class and I want that, too. You want me to change and I’m changing.”

“I just—I don’t want you to kill yourself with your recklessness. But I don’t want you to be different,” you said, looking down. “I’d... always liked you the way you were.”

Your broken-up confession couldn’t have warmed his heart more. And yet, he had to point out, “I was unbearable.”

You gave him a look that wasn’t threatening at all because your eyes were still glossy from the tears.

“I know,” you said.

He smiled in spite of himself. “And you still liked me that way?”

You nodded, not saying anything else because he already knew the answer to that—and every other—question.

“I’m sorry for these seven years,” Jungkook said then and maybe that wasn’t enough to cure the wounds the years had left but it was a start. “You had a future ahead of you and I didn’t. My parents could see that but there was little they could do. I had to understand and deal with the fact that I was going to fall off the rails sooner or later myself. I was fourteen and I had to understand that. And I did. I knew that. And I also knew I didn’t want to drag you down with me. You didn’t deserve that.”

You fell into silence again.

You knew you wouldn’t have walked away from him then – anything he’d have asked, you would have given him. Any cliff he would have jumped off of – you would have followed.

To realize that Jungkook didn’t let you go because he didn’t want to be your friend anymore, or because he got tired of you, or because he didn’t care about you anymore -- or because of any other reason you tried to find over the years -- but rather, he let you go because he knew you wouldn’t, was groundbreaking.

It didn’t fix the hurt, it didn’t make it better, and, perhaps, nothing would – the years have gone by and you couldn’t get them back – but now you knew that the end of your friendship was a sacrifice of sorts.

You were intertwined together – it was you-and-him, always you-and-him – and you were comfortable living this way, both of you were. But that wasn’t right. It wasn’t healthy.

Except, you weren’t the one who had her eyes opened seven years ago – if there was no you and him, there could never be you-and-him – and so Jungkook ended up having to break out of your comfort zone, to leave your sanctuary, and walk in a different direction. On a different road.

All so you could have a road for yourself.

“I’m…” you tried to say but the tears that had welled up in your eyes were now cascading down your face and Jungkook – alert as soon as he saw that you were crying – sat up straight. “I’m fine. It’s just been a long day. Thank you for telling me.”

“I… you’re welcome,” he said, wanting to reach out and wipe the tears away but watching you do it yourself. “Although, I wish I didn’t have to tell you anything. Not just because I don’t want you to think about my mom differently after this—she always wanted what’s best for you, we both did—but also because I… I wish there had been a different way. A way where we could have kept in touch and still remained individuals.”

“Maybe there was no such way at the time,” you said. “We’d been close from the day we were born. Maybe we needed to spend some time apart to learn how to be ourselves.”

“Maybe,” he agreed but he didn’t think that was fair. “We were too close.”

“We were,” you said and couldn’t help sniffling; the tears have started to block your breathing. “Sorry, I just—it didn’t have to be seven years. I-I mean, it doesn’t take that long for people to mature.”

“No. It didn’t have to be,” Jungkook said but the fact that he agreed with you didn’t bring you much joy because his words were sad. “I have no excuse for that.”

Knowing that you could have been setting yourself up for more heartache, you still dared to ask, “would you have talked to me sooner if I hadn’t been avoiding you?”

“Probably,” he said, afraid to look at you in case he’d lose control of himself at the sight of your tears. “I-I couldn’t resist myself. But would you have replied to me?”

You looked down, making it easier for another tear to trail down your cheek. “I did that night at the party.”

Jungkook bit his lip. “Would I have seen you again if I hadn’t crashed my car?”

You inhaled sharply, not liking that this was what it came to. “No. Probably not.”

“It didn’t have to be seven years,” he said again, nodding thoughtfully, “but I think that we… started to talk again right when we had to. When it was time.”

You didn’t like that, either. “That can’t be true.”

“We’ll never know what’s true,” he said, leaning in closer to you but still not daring to reach out and touch you. “But it’s been long enough.”

“It has been,” you said, nodding and, feeling more tears coming. You sniffled, throwing your head back to fight the crying, and excused your emotions again, “it’s been a long day. It’s been seven long years.”

It’s been a long life; but you didn’t think of your years as his best friend to be draining. If anything, these were the years that made you feel alive: both of your families so close, it was like you grew up with two sets of parents, and with a soulmate for a best friend.

It’s what happened next that was a task.

Life had been pouring out in every shade of color around you when you knew him, when you laughed with him. And when you didn’t, you had to physically strain yourself to see the world in anything other than black-and-white.

You’d worked so hard to get used to the darkness of your life that the explosion of the color spectrum when you finally got to laugh with him again was almost painful. You’d grown so accustomed to monochrome that seeing colors all over again felt scary. Dangerous. Potentially hurtful.

But now you knew he never meant to take the colors out of your life. By doing so, he ended up having to sacrifice his own brightness. His own light.

Maybe what hurt the most right now wasn’t the memory of the years that you’d spent without talking, but rather the pointlessness of it all because here you were again: together. Affecting each other in ways ordinary people should not have been allowed to affect one another.

“Come here,” Jungkook finally asked, extending his arms, but you shook your head, not wanting to admit to how big the hurricane cloud in your chest was. “Come here, please.”

The insistence of his tone wasn’t what got you to move closer in the end – it was the pain in his eyes.

This had hurt him, too. He was the one who had to find a different way so he wouldn’t have to end your friendship. He was the one who eventually failed and had to say goodbye – stone you so you’d run away. Wound you, so you wouldn’t come back.

It would have hurt your pride if you didn’t love him so much.

And he couldn’t find it in himself to say how much he wanted you to come back after he told you to leave; how much he agonized over your phone number – which he’d deleted off his phone only to realize that he knew it by heart – and how much he wished he was different—better—so he wouldn’t have to stay away from you. He couldn’t find the words.

So, he just held you – like it was the first and the last time he was ever going to hold you. And he hoped that this would be enough for you to know that he knew you loved him. He’d always known.

And he loved you, too.

“I’ve missed you. Everything about you,” he whispered, clutching your body tightly against his own and sinking his face into your hair. “So much.”

Your hair grew wet – you could feel the pain leave his heart in tears – and, even though you’d seen him cry before, you’d never cried with him. But it felt inevitable now – like everything you’d done together in the past few weeks was only the prologue and tonight you were turning the page, you were starting the first chapter of the rest of your lives.

It hurt because of how long the prologue was. It hurt because of the seven empty pages.

But it felt so relieving to reach the end. So freeing.

You wrapped your arms around him tighter because you were ready to work on letting go of the pain, and you were ready to move on, and you were so happy to have him with you. You didn’t know what awaited you after tonight but that scared you much less than all that you’d already survived.

“If history repeats itself,” you said, your nose stuffed from the crying, “we’ll find a different way, right?”

Jungkook considered pulling away when you said this but that didn’t seem right. Not holding you when he could, didn’t seem right.

“We will,” he said into your hair. “I’m not leaving again.”

And he meant it – in the long run, at least. Because this night was coming to an end.

Your laptop – and the movie you didn’t get to watch – was long abandoned as you and Jungkook sat on your bed, your legs crossed and hearts open, and you talked.

You talked and the seven empty pages filled. The filled with words, written in different fonts with different colors, but they filled.

You talked and your bodies grew tired even if your minds didn’t, so you lied down on your backs next to each other, the white concrete ceiling painting itself in the colors of all that you’d missed about each other.

You talked and the hours went by – minute by minute, morning was creeping up on you.

“It’s late,” Jungkook said when your room got so dark, he couldn’t make out which bits of skin, glistening in the pale light from the street lamps outside, were yours and which were his. But even so, he remained on his back next to you. “I should probably go home. Maybe we can watch a movie tomorrow? Or next week?”

“I… I don’t have plans tomorrow,” you said and you wanted this night to keep going so badly, that if you’d been Faust, your soul would have gone straight to hell: beautiful moment, do not pass away! “Will the party be over now?”

“No, probably not yet,” Jungkook replied, “won’t be the first time I’ll be woken up by someone drunkenly smashing a bottle or something,” he said and then, when you bit your lip, clearly concerned, he added, “it’s fine. I’m used to it.”

Then, because you were not Faust and the devil had not chained your soul to the pits of hell just yet, you found a way to stop the moment as you said, “you could stay here.”

“Hmm?” Jungkook turned his head to look at you, unsure if he understood your offer. “H-how do you mean?”

“Just… stay here,” you said with a shrug as if it was that simple. Your eyes remained on the ceiling. “The RA didn’t see you come in with me. And, usually, no one smashes anything in the middle of the night here.”

“Are you sure?” he asked again. He didn’t want to go – but just like he did before coming inside earlier tonight, he didn’t want to force you into something you weren’t ready for; God knew you’d already done so much for him.

But you assured him, “yeah. You didn’t want me walking home alone, well, maybe I don’t want you stumbling around at 3 AM, either. You’d already had one fight today.”

“It’s, uh,” he checked his phone, “four-thirty.”

You gave him a look.

“But your concern is understandable,” he added quickly, catching on, “I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable with you here.”

“Okay,” he said, your gazes so intensely focused on each other, both of you were almost paralyzed as you lied side by side.

“Yeah?” you asked. “So, you’ll stay?”

“I’ll stay if you let me.”

You turned to your side, facing him. Your eyes never left his, just like his did not stray from yours. You even seemed to blink in unison.

“Stay,” you said. “I’m letting you.”

He turned to his side as well and, as his eyes fell to your lips – he could have touched them with his own if he dared to move a little bit closer – you knew you would have allowed him do a lot more than just stay here for a night.

But you’ve come a long way tonight, both literally – when you walked back here from the party – and figuratively – when you scratched the wounds until they bled because there was no other way for them to heal properly – and maybe that was enough for one night.

“Goodnight,” Jungkook whispered because you’d walked so much tonight but your road hadn’t ended yet. He didn’t dare to touch you.

“Goodnight,” you whispered back because just having him here with you after so long felt enough right now. You didn’t have to to touch him.

keep reading | masterlist

[animeyanderelover]

Hello! I'm back with another request if you're ok with it?! Headcanons with Sebastian and Ash falling for the same darling?

I’m so glad you requested something for Ash!! He’s soo underrated when it comes to Yandere stuff!! We all saw in the Anime that Sebastian is way stronger than Ash, but to make this more interesting and fair Ash will be on a similar level of strength in this scenario.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, paranoia, delusions, stalking, manipulation, sabotage, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of killing

Ash and Sebastian falling for the same darling

🐈‍⬛▫️I already told you what makes Sebastian attracted to the s/o, their scent and the cat-like character. And it’s pretty obvious what Ash’s ideal type is, isn’t it? The most innocent soul on this planet. If you fulfill all this then you’ll have a demon and an angel after you. And this will most likely not end well...

🐈‍⬛▫️I think the s/o is a servant in the Phantomhive manor which means Sebastian was the first one who went Yandere for them. How couldn’t he with their sweet scent and alluring character? Sebastian became quickly possessive over them.

🐈‍⬛▫️Ash met them for the first time during the curry contest. He already knew that Sebastian was a demon and probably expected the whole household from Ciel to be just a bunch of dirty and rotten souls so imagine his surprise when he caught a glance of the s/o’s soul which was basically radiating of purity. To say that he was shocked would be an understatement. How could such a clean soul exist anywhere near such a dark creature like this demon?! His obsession kicked at that very moment in, feeling thrilled that he found such a pure thing like the s/o.

🐈‍⬛▫️Even though Sebastian didn’t know at that time that Ash was a fallen angel he already had a bad feeling about him at that time which came most likely from the fact that he noticed how Ash looked at the darling. He had this look of burning passion in his eyes whilst looking at them, a look which Sebastian knew too well. It was the same look he always had in his eyes when looking at the s/o. He quickly stepped protectively in front of them and sent Ash a silent and warning glare. Over Ash’s face flashed for a short second an angry expression, feeling angry because this...this scum had just blocked this precious clean soul from his view. He was quick to return the glare Sebastian sent him, both glaring at each other with strong dislike and disgust. That’s how it all started...

🐈‍⬛▫️Some time passed until Ash met the darling again, which was when he visited Ciel to inform him about the cult and the queen’s wish to eliminate the cult. During the whole time there was some tension in the air because Ash and Sebastian kept exchanging glares at each other. Sebastian felt the most frustrated since he knew he couldn’t do anything in front of his master and he also knew that telling his master his suspicions wouldn’t be of much help either since Ash was the queen’s personal butler and his master was the queen’s loyal guard dog. Ash also knew that he couldn’t do anything, at least for now, because if Ciel and Sebastian would find out what he really was and what his plans were, he knew that he would get some problems with them.

🐈‍⬛▫️Ash was also clearly annoyed that he couldn’t find you when he had entered the mansion and he knew that this was most likely Sebastian’s fault. How dare this brat to prevent him from seeing you?! When he left the manor he had a clearly annoyed expression on his face, gritting his teeth angrily. But then he suddenly noticed that someone was hiding behind one of the trees in the garden and was peeking from behind the tree trunk at him. Ash quickly noticed that it was you, immediately recognizing the purity which was radiating of from you and called you over with a charming smile on his face. You slowly stepped towards him with a curious look on your face and Ash almost went on his knees and started crying, being amazed at how brilliant your soul was.

🐈‍⬛▫️Sebastian on the other hand was boiling with jealousy when he looked out of the window and saw you and Ash walking next to each other whilst talking to each other. Damn it! Hadn’t he told you to help Baldroy in the kitchen?! But then again, you had told him that you wanted to meet the butler of the queen and if you were interested in something you always made sure to quench your thirst, that was one of these things Sebastian found so charming about you. Your cat-like curiosity. Never in his long demon life Sebastian had ever felt the need to kill someone that strongly like in that moment. Ash noticed how Sebastian was death glaring at him through the window and sent him a smug smile, saying his farewells to you and giving you a kiss on your hand, making sure to send the demon a challenging look and enjoying the blush that was blossoming on your face.Sebastian was fuming with anger and if it wouldn’t have been for his master who noticed how Sebastian almost lost control of himself and ordered him to get a grip of himself he would have probably went berserk then and there.

🐈‍⬛▫️The following weeks were hasty for Sebastian and Ash, but most of all they were stressful for you. Ash had definitely the advantage in here because he was the queen’s butler and was able to manipulate her so for some reason you were often called over to the queen’s palace to stay there for a longer period of time which made Sebastian enraged. He even tried to talk his master into not sending you away, but Ciel told him simply that they were the queen’s personal orders and that this was a chance to enhance the trust from the queen. If you made a good expression there this would automatically have a positive effect for him as well. Sebastian knew that if he would do something to prevent you from going there he would get troubles with his master and Ash so for a long time he was in a bad position.

🐈‍⬛▫️Both of these men here are charming and manipulate and both of them tried to win your affection. Ash often invited you over and showed you around the palace, let you ride on horses and generally let you do things you couldn’t do in the manor. I mentioned in my Hc’s about him that he also wants to impress his darling so he would definitely show them his talent with swords and would basically try to show you that he’s better than Sebastian. He would try to convince you that he was the better choice since he was the queen’s butler and was much more qualified to be your partner than a ‘normal’ butler like Sebastian. Whatever you wish for, he’ll give it to you. Ash would spoil you and shower you in compliments. Sebastian knew that he hadn’t all this money to buy you things you wanted so he relied on impressing you, just like Ash and tried to spoil you in his ways. He couldn’t buy you rings, necklaces and other fancy stuff, but he knew that you were a little gourmet and prepared you very often your favorite meals which made your eyes sparkle with excitement when you saw the mouthwatering food. He also tried to impress you with his intelligence, he did live a long life after all and the look of admiration you would give him whenever he told you something what you were curious about made this man’s chest swell with pride. He would also try to give you a bad image of Ash, telling you that people like him from a higher class often tended to loose interest fast in one woman, especially if she was a normal servant. Sebastian just wants to make sure that he doesn’t break your heart.

🐈‍⬛▫️If you would choose Ash, this man would immediately ensure that you would never go back into this manor, would never be anywhere near this demon again. He wouldn’t even let you anywhere near humans again, being scared that they might taint your brilliant and pure soul with their dirty touches and presences. Sebastian on the other hand would feel nothing, but pure demonic rage that even his master will feel a bit intimidated. But here again, Ash has the advantage in here because he controls the queen and Sebastian’s contract with Ciel will keep him from doing anything because Ciel was quick to notice that Sebastian got too attached to you and ordered him to not do anything and that he should just accept the fact that you loved Ash. Sebastian just wanted to kill that boy in that very moment and resented that he had gone into a contract with this brat.

🐈‍⬛▫️If you would choose Sebastian this man would make sure to keep you somewhere where no one can find you because he knows that Ash will bribe the queen to get you back. And that’s exactly what Ash will do. The moment he hears that you have suddenly disappeared he gets this kind of paranoia that will start wars and immediately comes over to the mansion and will start to pressure Ciel, telling him that the queen expects him to find you as soon as possible. After that he makes sure to find Sebastian, yelling enraged at him and demanding him to bring you back to him. Sebastian on the other hand stays surprisingly calm and tells him with an arrogant grin that you chose him and he just made sure that Ash wouldn’t try to change your mind. This made Ash even more angry, he somehow knew that Sebastian wasn’t lying. How dare this demon to taint your innocent mind with his images?! How dare he to take you away from him, your guardian angel?! He was almost about to attack Sebastian, but held back because he knew that this was what the demon wanted. But very soon he would be able to have you all for himself.

🐈‍⬛▫️The moment he reveals that he’s an angel is the moment we’re both men start getting ruthless. Sebastian because now Ciel knows what Ash really is and gives him free hand and Ash because now he doesn’t need to hide his real identity anymore. Now both of them can finally do what they wanted to do from the moment they first saw each other, killing their greatest rival. When Ash burns London down he won’t offer Sebastian to work together, different from in the Anime, but he’ll more likely declare war to him and the final fight between them isn’t anymore about saving Sebastian’s master or purifying London. It’s all about killing each other so the winner can have the most precious thing in the world all for himself, you. Since I made Ash in this scenario stronger, Sebastian will use his demon form from the very beginning, absolutely ready to shred Ash into pieces and the same goes for Ash. I can absolutely see that they’ll destroy the whole town whilst fighting against each other and whoever wins this fight will instantly start searching for you and as soon as he finds you, he’ll make sure that you’re his for eternity.

I’m personally curious, would you choose Ash or Sebastian?

[theweasleysredhair]

The Way You Look At Her [S.B.]

Character: Sirius Black

Word Count: 3674

Requested?: Yes/No

Summary: Maybe there really is a fine line between hate and love.

Disclaimer: Gif isn’t mine, credit to whoever made it

A/n: Guess who’s backk! And with a cheesy, probably all-over-the-place Sirius fic. Enjoy!

+ + + + +

It was nearing 4pm; The Three Broomsticks was as busy as you’d ever seen it. But then, it was a Hogsmeade weekend and cold outside - of course everyone would want cover from the snow. You pulled your half full butterbeer to you and hoped no one would remember it was your turn to battle your way through the swarms of Hogwarts students and Hogsmeade residents just to get to the bar to buy more drinks.

A pretty bar maid passed by the table you were sat at, taking the empty glasses that had piled up in the middle, leaning forward to grab the last glass before weaving back through the people standing and laughing around.

“I just can’t believe that in a few months time, we’ll be leaving Hogwarts for good!” Lily said, shaking her head and frowning a bit. You glanced over at your red-headed best friend and nodded, “I know, it’s gonna be so sad knowing we’re not going back in September.” If you were being truly honest, none of you knew if you’d actually even be alive come September, due to the impending war and rise of Voldemort and his death eaters.

Sat beside Lily, James wrapped his arm around her shoulders. You’d never known them to be so happy, and you were so glad they had found each other. There were a few bumps in the road, but the couple had finally gotten together a few months back and had been the cutest couple at Hogwarts.

Which should make you happy. In fact, this whole afternoon would’ve been amazing, if not for the man sat two seats away from you, between Remus and Marlene.

He sat there, wearing his worn leather jacket, fingers curled around his butterbeer glass as he smirked at something James said, looking like a goddamn snack. Arsehole.

You scowled, looking down at your drink. Sirius Black was the bane of your existence, a plague in your otherwise half-decent world. A handsome, god-like plague, but a plague all the same.

“Another round?” You heard him announce as he looked around the table. “We better get going soon actually,” Remus noted, checking the time, “We’re due to head back to school soon.”

“C’mon, live a little, Moony! We all know we could just sneak back whenever we want. Let’s have another and wait for the snow to pass,” Sirius said as he stood up. Remus grumbled something inaudible under his breath, before replying, “Fine, suit yourself.”

Sirius smirked, looking around at everyone - all seven of you (James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, and yourself) - before standing up, “I’ll be right back.”

You watched his retreating figure, glaring holes into the back of his head as he leant casually against the bar.

Merlin, you hated him.

“We all know that’s a lie.”

Your head whipped over to the source of the voice, your eyes fixating on James as you narrowed them slightly, “What’s a lie?”

“That you hate our Pads, we all know you don’t,” he shrugged matter-of-factly. You hadn’t realised you’d said anything out loud but...

“I do. He’s arrogant, he’s conceited, not to mention the most annoying and loathsome toad I have ever had the displeasure to come across in my life.”

“Now now, L/n! No need to be so feisty,” Sirius drawled.

You fought the need to roll your eyes. He passed around the butterbeers, everyone thanking him before you realised he’d missed you out.

“Think you bought one less than we need, Sirius,” Marlene said, looking over at him. He glanced at her before staring over at you. “Whoops, my bad, guess you’ll have to go without, L/n,” he said, feigning an apology.

You glared at him, clenching your fists under the table, before smiling sweetly and replying sarcastically, “No no, it’s fine, we all know how hard it can be to count to eight.”

Sirius sat, looking at you for a moment, tongue darting out across his bottom lip, before scoffing at you and shaking his head. He then shot you a cheeky smile as he pushed his own glass towards you, nodding towards it. He then turned away, starting up a conversation with Remus, Marlene and Dorcas instead.

You were silent, reluctantly taking the drink and running your finger around the rim of the glass.

James tried to hide his smirk by taking a sip of his butterbeer, before answering, “Just tell him.” Raising an eyebrow, feigning your confusion, you tap your fingers on the table next to your glass, “Tell him what?”

“That you like him.”

You nearly choked on air, “Well, you know, I would, but I don’t like him, so yeah I’m not gonna do that. But thanks for your suggestion.”

“You’re the one who always complains about him being with other girls. In fact, you can’t seem to stop talking about him, ergo, you like him!” James continued, Lily humming in agreement next to him.

You glanced over at the boy in question to find him deep in conversation - thankfully he wasn’t hearing what James was saying.

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose, “Look Potter, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but I will spell it out in plain English so then maybe you’ll understand. I... do not... like... Sirius... Black. In a platonic or non-platonic way. I merely put up with him as I am quite fond of our friendship, though right now I am unsure as to why. Just as I am unsure as to why you’re friends with that asshat in the first place.”

James laughs, shaking his head, “You’re just saying that because you know deep down I’m right. If it’s any consolation, he likes you too.”

“Highly debatable,” you replied, pushing your glass away from you.

____________________

Monday mornings were the worst. Particularly this morning. You stumbled from your dorm room and into your common room, trying to do your tie on the move. You were already late, which meant that you’d have to miss out on breakfast, which means you’d have to sit through Slughorn droning on about potions whilst your stomach rumbled.

You grumbled to yourself as you shoved your bag onto your shoulder and ran towards your potions classroom. You’d be late regardless, but better to be five minutes late than half an hour.

“You’re late, Ms L/n. 10 points from Y/h,” Slughorn states as you enter the classroom in a hurry. You cheeks turn red as you realise everyone is staring at you. “Sorry Professor,” you ducked your head down, taking your usual seat next to Lily.

“As I was saying, today we will be starting a project where you will choose a potion and create it outside of classroom hours. You will be finding the ingredients and preparing the potions yourself, and you will be working in pairs for this-“ you looked over at Lily who grinned back at you, “- assigned by myself.”

There were hushed murmurs across the class at the revelation, getting louder as Slughorn read out names. Your heart beat faster. Please don’t put me with Black, please don’t put me with Black, please don’t-

“L/n and Black...”

You groaned, your head dropping to the table as you muttered out a string of curses.

“Why hello there L/n!”

”Oh for fuck’s sake,” you groaned, siting up and tilting your head back in annoyance, “Could this day actually get any worse?!” “Tsk tsk, language,” Sirius chastised with a smirk, leaning towards you and thoroughly enjoying the fact that you were less than impressed with the general goings on in your life at this moment in time.

He was so close to you that all it would take was you to turn your head and you’d be practically kissing him.

Stop thinking about kissing him! ____________________

You were sat in the library, waiting for Sirius to show up - that is, if he was actually going to show - flipping through a book on advanced potions and making notes on your favourites. You’d agreed to meet here as you had a free afternoon, however he was late - something you’d foreseen happening anyway but it didn’t make it any less annoying.

You’d been there a couple of hours before the library door finally swung open and Sirius strolled in, shirt untucked, collar up and him redoing up his buttons.

“Busy day?” You asked him sarcastically as you looked up at him, eyeing the lipstick stain on his neck. Your heart clenched, but you refused to think about why this was. He chose to ignore you, “I lost track of time.” “Clearly,” you commented, raising your eyebrows.

He scoffed, pulling his collar down, “Let’s just get this work done. What potion are we doing?”

“The Calming Draught. It’s one the easiest to collect the ingredients for, but just complicated enough to earn a high grade on,” you explained, looking back down at your textbook.

“You’ve put a lot of thought into this,” Sirius commenter as he sat down across from you. “Yes well I’ve been here for nearly three hours now, whilst you were off with some girl in a broom cupboard somewhere,” you offered him a sarcastic smile.

“Stop being so jealous L/n, it’s not a good colour on you,” he teased, offering you a lazy smirk, “Besides, you could be one of those girls in the broom cupboard if that’s what you want.”

You pushed your potions textbook over to him and gestured at him to read it. Looking at his handsome face, his chiselled jawline and the way he ran his tongue across his bottom lip as he started reading, you couldn’t blame the girls. In fact, you weren’t entirely sure you’d be able to say no yourself.

Over your dead body would you ever admit that to him.

“I can assure you that is the last place I’d ever want to be,” you lied.

____________________

About a week later, you were sat with Lily eating dinner when you noticed Sirius entering the Great Hall.

Lily noticed the change in your demeanour and tilted her head to one side, silently asking if you were okay. You gave her a nod and a fake smile, one you were glad she didn’t look too much into.

The black haired boy sat beside his friends at the end of the table you were sat on; you could hear them laughing and joking around. Allowing yourself a glance over as you took a sip of your drink, you saw Sirius was already looking your way, so you quickly turned back to Lily.

You were so focused on not staring in his direction that you didn’t notice that he’d moved to sit beside you, until you felt an arm brush against your own. You looked up at him, your heart jolting as you tried to keep a blush from forming.

“Sirius, to what do I owe the pleasure?” You asked carefully. “Can’t a guy sit next to one of his friends now?” He asked with a smile, grabbing some food and putting it onto his plate. You barely noticed Lily sliding down the bench towards James as you turned fully towards him, “I feel like you want something.

“I want a lot of things. Right now though, all I was gonna ask is if you got all the ingredients for that potion or if you need me to get anything.”

“Oh! I um... I managed to get everything already, I just need to start actually preparing it. I’m planning on using one of the potions classrooms after dinner, you’re welcome to join me.”

“Gladly.”

____________________

Sirius followed you into the empty potions classroom, watching as you brought out your textbook from your bag.

“Would you mind grabbing a cauldron from the cupboard please?” You asked as you set out the ingredients.

The black haired boy opened the cupboard at the back and grabbed a cauldron out for you, placing it on your table.

“I’ve got all the ingredients here, including lavender, peppermint and crocodile heart. It says if we do this correctly, the potion should be a blue colour,” you explained to him, turning and nearly jumping out of your skin when you realised how close he was standing behind you.

“Just let me know what you need me to do L/n and I’ll do it,” Sirius said, the corner of his mouth lifting up into a small smirk. You nodded, getting started on the potion.

You were just about to add the peppermint when you glanced over at Sirius, who was sat at the table, resting his chin on his hands and staring at you with an odd look in his eye.

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” You said nervously, tucking your hair behind your ear and looking away from his gaze.

”Like what? ‘M not looking at you in any kind of way,” he shrugged innocently.

You raised an eyebrow at him before shaking your head and letting out a soft laugh, “Never mind.”

____________________

The morning after, you, Lily, James, Remus and Sirius were eating breakfast.

“Anyone got any plans for the summer?” Remus asked as he flipped through the morning newspaper.

“Well, I’m going to spend it with my Lilyflower here,” James spoke dreamily as he leant his head onto her shoulder. She raked her hand through his head before saying casually, “We’re thinking of getting married.”

Sirius choked on his pumpkin juice and Remus leant over to pat his back, “You’re getting married?!”

“We’re thinking about it. What with the war rising and all, we don’t want to wait in case heaven forbid something happens to us,” Lily explained. “We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, so why not make it official,” James added.

“You’ll need a wedding dress! Oh there’s been some really lovely designs come out recently, we’ll have to take a look once we get back home,” You grinned at Lily.

“I want something simple I reckon, nothing extravagant, maybe a bit of lace,” she mused.

“That would suit you so well. There’s so many pretty designs, I saw a few when I was shopping with my cousin for hers - I think I’d want one of the ball gown ones, or maybe a mermaid cut.”

“That’s if you can trick some poor sod into marrying you,” Sirius muttered, though it was loud enough for the table to hear and you knew he knew it.

“You’re insufferable,” you scowled, “Why are you being such a git?” This earned a half-assed shrug from him. If Sirius was honest with himself, he didn’t really know why he was himself, all he knew was that as soon as he said it, he regretted it.

That, and he realised he kinda wanted to be that poor sod he spoke about.

“One thing for sure, I don’t think I ever went to get married,” he covered smoothly.

“Oh?” Lily asked, subconsciously running her hand through James’ hair, “You don’t?”

You looked up at him in curiosity too.

“Nah. It’s... it’s not for me. I couldn’t stick to one girl,” he shook his head. He was lying, he just didn’t want to admit the girl he would settle down with probably wouldn’t settle down with him.

“Oh right... I forgot who we were talking to,” you said, shaking your head. “What do you mean?” Sirius asked with a frown.

“Sirius Black: a new girl every night, no strings, no feelings. Never taking anything further. Leave them before they leave you right?”

That hurt him. Somehow, despite everything he’d been through with his parents, you sharing that you thought about him like that hurt more. He glared down at his plate. “Yeah, I’d prefer that than being like you. At least I know I’m wanted,” Sirius retaliated, not thinking about what he was saying until the words had left his mouth. He froze - why did he say that?

You gave a fake smile, and let out a humourless laugh, “I don’t have to deal with this.” Standing up, you grab your a few bits of food and bid goodbye to James, Lily and Remus - “I’ll see you guys in class.” - before heading out of the Great Hall.

“Y/n, wait!” Lily jumped up, running after you.

“Padfoot...” Remus shook his head at him. Sirius clenched his jaw, “What.” Sighing, James took a bite of his toast, “Just, sometimes you don’t know you’ve got a good thing when you’ve got it.”

“What are you talking about,” Sirius frowned. James nodded in the direction you had just ran off in. “Y/n?” Sirius said in surprise.

“I see the way you look at her Pads.”

Sirius scoffed, shaking his head.

”You look at her like she holds all the answers to the universe, like she’s your moon and stars, like you can’t bear to be without her. You like her. You do, don’t lie to me Pads, I can see right through you.”

Sighing, Sirius looked down at his drink, “So what if I do, she doesn’t like me like that.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” Remus let out a small smile as he turned the page of his newspaper. “See what?”

“You’re fucking oblivious mate.”

____________________

“I don’t know why I let him get to me,” You shook your head as you stood outside the bar. “It’s because you care about him,” Lily said gently, squeezing your shoulder gently.

“Yeah? Well I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t care about him, or his stupid face or his stupid suits or his stupid... jawline,” you sighed.

“I... I think I love him, Lily. I didn’t think I did before, but I’ve realised I do. And he’s an asshole. An utter and complete asshole and I... I fancy the fucking pants off of him. And I didn’t even realise. He came into the library after clearly being with someone the other week, his shirt and shirt a mess and-and I got annoyed. I thought it was just because he as a person annoys me but I’ve realised... well it’s because I wanted to be her. Whoever she was.”

Lily wrapped her arms around you and pulled you into a hug. “I think I’m just going to go to my dorm and skip class,” you whispered, hugging her back, “You head back to James and enjoy the rest of the day, okay?”

You pulled away, smiling encouragingly at Lily, who looked reluctant to let you go.

“I’ll come to check on you later,,” she finally said helplessly.

”I’m counting on it.”

____________________

“She likes you,” James said bluntly, shaking his head at his best friend. “What are you talking about?”

“She likes you. And you sleeping with other girls all the time hurts her,” James said as Lily rejoined the table.

“What? No it doesn’t,” Sirius shook his head, though he didn’t sound certain.

“Are you sure about that?” Lily asked. “Of course I’m sure, why would she care who I sleep with?”

”Why would anyone?” Lily posed the question pointedly. Sirius shrugged, staring down at his drink.

“For Merlin’s sake, she likes you Pads. Fuck, for someone so smart you sure can be stupid,” Remus said.

“Y/n doesn’t like me. Don’t be ridiculous,” Sirius shook his head. He paused for a moment as the news sunk in, “Y/n likes me?”

At the nods from Lily and James, Sirius jumped up and ran out of the hall.

He sprinted towards your common room, dashing around a corner as he saw a glimpse of your h/c hair.

“Y/n! Y/n wait!”

“Y/n!” you heard your name being called out. You turned around to see Sirius chasing after you.

“What could you possibly want now? You’ve been nothing but a dick to me! I thought maybe we’d become friends through bloody working together but clearly I was wrong! So what is it? What do you want?”

“I want to tell you I’ve decided that maybe I might want to get married some day.”

“What? Why would I need to know that?”

“Because I’ve found someone I want to marry.”

Your heart clenched - that hurt more than you expected.

“I thought you ‘couldn’t stick to one girl’,” you pointed out bitterly, raising an eyebrow in surprise. He gave a small shrug, “Yeah well, maybe I’ve decided I want to.” “Why the change of mind?”

“Someone changed it for me,” he smiled.

You nodded, swallowing as you tried to keep the smile from falling off your face, “Why are you telling me this?”

He leaned forward and it was only then that you realised how close he was to you. Your breath caught in your throat as you found yourself getting lost in the darkness of his eyes. He leant down slowly, nudging his nose against yours as he brushed his lips across your own gently. You smiled sadly, pulling away from him slowly, patting him on his chest.

“I er... I should go...” you said softly, moving out of his arms and trying to walk away. Sirius’ heart clenched, “Wait!”

He followed you down the hallway, reaching out to grab your waist and pull you back to him, “Why are you running away?”

“I’m panicking!” You looked into his grey eyes and tried to step back, but he held you close.

“Why?” He whispered, as if his voice would break if he spoke any louder.

“Because you’re Sirius Black, you-you sleep with girls and leave them soon after. I-I don’t want to be just another one of them,” you stuttered softly, closing your eyes and tilting your head down.

You felt him brush his fingers under your chin and slowing move your head up to face his as your eyes opened to meet his. He leant forward, his lips just about brushing yours again, “You’re not just another one of them sweetheart.”

“Then what am I?”

Sirius let out a breathy laugh and shook his head fondly. “You’re mine,” he murmured, before his lips were on yours.

[jaembby]

Hidden

Chapter 1 of Hidden

Hwang Hyunjin x reader

desc:  you couldn’t stand Hyunjin. the boy would flirt with anyone and everyone but for some reason, he’d especially bother you. Upon finding him broken, you discover parts of his life that he keeps hidden under his confident facade. what will happen when the new side to the cocky boy is revealed?

warnings: mentions of divorce, hyunjin being flirty, mentions of parents fighting, themes of loneliness/neglect, a few swear words (maybe like 2 or 3), pet names, crying.

wc + genre: slight angst, fluff if you squint. 2.9k.

a/n: will be at the end! enjoy chapter 1 of my new fic Hidden!

Hidden masterlist || next

-----

“Piss off, Hwang,” you roll your eyes. Hwang Hyunjin simply sends a wink in your direction when you make eye contact.

“Why? Don’t you like it, princess?” He replies, a smirk appearing on his plump lips. You hate to admit that you blushed slightly at the pet name.

“Y/n, Hyunjin, I know it’s the end of the day but please don’t disrupt the class,” your teacher scolds you.

You mutter a “sorry ms” before turning away from the blonde boy beside you.

Hwang Hyunjin is cocky, arrogant and shameless. He flirts with everyone and anyone, boys, girls, juniors and seniors. And people usually flirt right back, hoping that the innocent smiles might become something more.

You never flirt back, nor hope for anything more from him so why does he pester you so much? Usually, Hyunjin will wink at someone and pretend nothing happened, never sparing his victim a second glance. Apparently, for reasons unknown to you, you're different. The blonde boy just has to throw a wink, pet name or pick up line your way at every chance he gets.

You can’t see why Hyunjin can’t just be like his best friend Lee Minho. Minho is quiet, easy-going and nice to talk to. You could say you’re mutual friends with Minho as he’s pretty close with your two best friends Lee Felix and Han Jisung and the two of you sometimes find yourselves in a friendly conversation.

For the rest of the class, you keep your head down to avoid another encounter with Hyunjin. The lesson drags on until finally, the long-awaited bell rings through the room to signal the end of classes for the day.

You quickly get up from your seat only to collide with a firm chest, the impact causing you to lose balance and fall over.

“Falling for me already, princess?” Hyunjin’s voice rings out from above you. You can practically hear the smirk in it.

He offers his hand to help you up but you ignore it, pushing yourself up from the ground. You quickly walk out of the door and try to find Jisung and Felix.

“Y/n!” you hear a voice call from somewhere to your right. You snap your head towards the sound and see a brown mop of hair running through the crowd of students towards you with a freckled blonde boy following not far behind.

“Sungie, Lixie! I feel like I haven’t seen you two all day!” you smile as you hug both boys.

“Yeah, I wish we all had more classes together,” Felix mumbles as he and Jisung hug you back.

“Y/n, you know how you and Lix are coming over to my place tomorrow?” he squirrel-like boy says, reminding you of the playdate (as Jisung likes to call it) that you, himself and Felix had planned for the weekend.

“Yeah, what about it?” you ask.

“Well I hope you don’t mind but I’ve asked Minho if he wanted to come over too,” a pretty shade of red tints Jisung’s cheeks when he mentions the brunette boy.

“Ooh, Jisung~” you and Felix smirk, teasing the small boy about his little crush.

“Yeah, that’s fine though ‘Sung,” you answer his question.

“Okay cool... but I should warn you, Hyunjin’s going to be there too.”

Fuck.

Jisung doesn’t meet your eyes. He knows you aren’t too fond of Hyunjin but you’ll have Felix, Minho and himself there to distract you.

You’ll put up with the irritating blonde for a few hours if it makes your friend happy. Who are you to decide who goes to Jisung’s house, anyway?

“Okay, what time did you want us there?” you ask, steering the conversation away from Hyunjin.

“Around 12, now let’s get out of here before the school gates close,” Jisung says as he drags you and Felix away from the building you’d been in all day.

You and Felix parted ways with Jisung as you walked home. You and Felix only lived a few houses apart so you always walked home together whereas Jisung lives a few blocks away.

“Want me to pick you up tomorrow, y/n?” Felix turns his head towards you as he breaks the silence.

“Yeah, that’ll be good. Thanks, Lix,” you answer, meeting his gaze.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks. Your best friend knows you way too well.

“Nothing,” you lie but Felix can tell. He decides to drop it for now.

You’re so grateful for Lee Felix. Even though sometimes it may not seem like it, you’re thankful that he can tell when something’s wrong. You and Felix share a strong bond. You’re able to read each other like an open book. He’s able to cheer you up and make you forget about whatever’s worrying you just with his dimpled smile. You sometimes think you’re like a sunflower and Felix is your sun as you turn towards him, his presence cheering you up and making your days brighter.

Soon enough, you and Felix reach your house and you say a quick “goodbye” before walking inside.

You drop your school bag onto the couch before making your way into your bedroom. A tired sigh leaves your lips as your exhausted body is welcomed by the comfort of your bed. Tomorrow, you only have to put up with Hyunjin for a few hours. It’s okay. You have Felix, Jisung and Minho with you, too. Everything’s going to be fine.

beep beep beep Your phone alarm wakes you up 11:00 am.

You slowly make your way out of bed and hop into the shower, letting the warm water run over your body as you relax into it, calming your racing mind. You stay that way, letting the water run over you as you wake up and mentally prepare yourself for the day ahead.

Your thoughts decide to wander to Hyunjin. Jisung wants Minho to come over and Hyunjin’s just part of that. If Minho comes, Hyunjin comes and if it makes your friend happy, you’ll deal with it.

As you’re turning the water off, you look at the phone that’s sitting on the bathroom counter beside you.

Shit, it’s already 11:30. You only have 30 minutes to eat breakfast and get ready to go to your friend’s house. Calm down, y/n. 30 minutes is plenty of time.

Turns out, it really isn’t.

By the time you’ve decided on what to wear (because you couldn’t make up your mind), got dressed and eaten breakfast, there are only 10 minutes until Felix is due to pick you up.

You head to the bathroom to clean your teeth and brush through your hair. That takes about two minutes. You’ve now got 8 minutes to do your makeup and get everything that you’re taking (which isn’t much, just some money, your phone, charger and hairbrush) and put it into a purse.

There’s not much time to do makeup so you decide to just conceal a few blemishes, touch up your eyebrows, apply a small amount of mascara and add a touch of lip balm to your dry lips. You figure you don’t need a full face of makeup anyway. You aren’t there to impress anyone, after all. It’s just a hang out with friends.

Felix arrives right on time and the two of you head off to Jisung’s house.

When the pair of you arrive, you find Minho and Hyunjin already inside. Minho and Jisung are sitting beside each other talking (and blushing from both sides, you notice) while Hyunjin sits on the couch opposite them as he scrolls through his phone.

“We’re here!” Felix announces your arrival.

As you walk into the house, Jisung quickly hugs you and Felix before returning to his conversation with Minho, who utters a quick “hello”.

You glance towards Hyunjin and you’re surprised that he’s already looking at you. He smirks at you and winks as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. As usual, you turn away from his gaze as a slight pink hue adorns your cheeks.

You look up at Felix who seemed to witness the interaction. You swear you see a hint of sadness in his features... no that’s not it. Something similar to sadness and anger but not quite either of those. The freckled boy quickly covers up whatever emotion was on his face and smirks at you, nudging you lightly in a teasing manner.

The first hour or two was pretty fun. The five of you talked about everything and nothing, relaxed for a while and somewhere in that time, Hyunjin had wandered off to who knows where.

Speaking of Hyunjin, he’s being pretty quiet today. Not like his usual confident self at all. Maybe the confidence is all an act? Maybe he’s hiding something beneath the cockiness? Nah, he's probably just bored, you think. The thoughts are just that; thoughts. But you don’t realize just how close to the truth those thoughts are.

As you’re talking to Felix, you feel a sudden urge to pee.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” you say to the boy and get up, walking towards the guest bathroom.

You do your business and head back but as you’re walking towards the living room, you hear a muffled angry “fuck” coming from Jisung’s guest bedroom.

You go closer to the bedroom, wondering what’s going on and why the person inside sounds to upset.

As you get closer, you can make out the sound of... crying? Standing on the other side of the door, you debate going inside.

“Please. Please be joking,” you hear the voice cry, pain evident in the tone.

You decide to see if everything’s okay so you knock gently on the door before pushing it open slightly.

“Hyunjin?” the once flirtatious, cocky boy is sitting in front of you, now reduced to an emotional wreck.

“Who’s there?” he mumbles, refusing to turn towards the intruder.

“It’s me. A-are you okay?” you take a small step inside the room before closing the door.

“Y/n? Why would you care? Don’t you hate me?” Hyunjin mutters with his head hanging low and shoulders drooped. Do you hate him? Do you care? You might not like him some times but you couldn’t truly say you hated him.

“Hyunjin I- I can leave if you want-”

“Stay. Please.” he cuts you off, slowly lifting his head as red puffy eyes meet yours.

You’ve never seen him like this. You don’t exactly know what to do but something inside you makes you stay.

“Okay,” you say and Hyunjin moves aside on the bed, making room for you and patting the space. You usually try to stay as far away from Hyunjin as possible but a part of you wants nothing more than to comfort him and make sure he’s okay.

You take the seat beside him and sit there as he cries. Hyunjin aka the arrogant boy you actively tried to avoid now sits beside you as streams of tears flow from his usually bright eyes and down the smooth skin of his cheeks.

You don't know what makes you do it, but you gently push Hyunjin’s long hair away from his face and tie it up with one of your spare hair ties before softly rubbing circles into the boy’s back in an attempt to comfort him.

Hyunjin looks up at you, surprised by your actions. You yourself are surprised but it seems to be helping him so you continue to do what you’re doing.

“Thank you,” Hyunjin says, voice barely above a whisper. He sounds broken. Like all hope has been lost. Like his world, hopes and dreams have just been shattered. Like his heart’s been torn into two.

“I’m here if you want to talk, ‘Jin,” you’re taken aback when the nickname, although never used before by you, comes out of your mouth almost as if you said it every day.

“Thank you, y/n. It’s just my family. I’m sorry for always being annoying. At home, m-my parents are always fighting and it feels like they never notice me. It feels like they don’t love me anymore. I love both of them so much and I can’t stand to see them fight,” Hyunjin’s breathing becomes more uneven as he tries to hold back a new wave of tears.

“I-I guess being cocky and flirty is h-how I deal with it. If I can make someone’s heartbeat a bit faster, even for a second, and they flirt back with me, I guess I feel like I’m worth something. People actually notice me this way, unlike at home. I feel less... lonely. S-so I put up a confident and flirty act t-to hide my insecurities and w-what goes on beneath. I-I keep the real me hidden,” Hyunjin stutters as a fresh wave of tears hits him.

You don’t know what to say. Hyunjin’s always acted so confident and now he’s crumbling right in front of you.

“I-I’m sorry. My parents’ fighting has gotten worse and worse lately a-and now I’ve just f-found out they’re getting a d-divorce,” The blonde boy, once full of playful smirks and flirty winks now sits beside you, sickly pale with red puffy eyes and dried tears covering every inch of his cheeks.

“Hyunjin, it’s okay. Breathe, it’s okay, ‘Jin,” you attempt to calm Hyunjin down. The hand that was rubbing circles on Hyunjin’s back is now pushing stray hairs out of his face and behind his ears as you crouch in front of him and gently wipe his cheeks with tissues from the box that had been sitting on the end of the bed.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, y/n,” he says as his breaths slowly become steadier.

“It’s okay, Hyunjin. You probably needed to tell someone. Do you feel better now that you’ve talked about it?” you ask. You remember how your parents used to say things like this to you and it helped calm you down.

“Y-yeah I do feel a bit better. Thank you, y/n.” he smiles sadly at you. Your heart’s breaking for the boy in front of you. Hyunjin’s parents are getting a divorce and his confidence and flirty persona is all a cover to hide how broken he is inside.

You give Hyunjin a small smile as you meet his eyes. Hyunjin’s eyes are beautiful and you’ve never really noticed until now. They hold so many emotions, memories and thoughts within them. His eyes seem to hold a universe of stars inside them, shining delicately and brightly.

Instead of verbally answering to Hyunjin’s “thank you” you nod your head slightly, never breaking eye contact.

The broken boy in front of you gently grabs your hand as he furrows his eyebrows, asking if the action’s okay. You nod with a small smile and he intertwines your fingers together, holding your hand softly as if you would shatter at any second, but with urgency, almost as if the contact is the only thing keeping him safe from crumbling completely.

You’re the first one to break eye contact as you ask Hyunjin if he wants to get some water and wash his face.

The boy nods and the two of you slowly stand up, hands locked together.

You show Hyunjin where the bathroom is as you quickly go to Jisung’s kitchen to get a glass of water for each of you.

knock knock knock “Who’s there?” Hyunjin calls from inside the guest bathroom.

“Just me, Hyunjin,” you reply. Hyunjin opens the door and you walk in, placing the cups of water on the sink.

You can see he’s still very upset over his parents’ divorcing but he’s trying his best to hide it.

Hyunjin’s always known that something like this was bound to happen one day. He just wasn’t ready yet. He hates the fact that the two people he loves most in the world hate each other, but he can’t help that.

At this moment, the blonde boy is so thankful for you. Although you don’t know each other very well, you helped him at his lowest moment.

He thought you hated him but here you are now, wiping his tears away, helping him to wash his face, combing gently through his long hair and tying it up.

Maybe this would be the start of some kind of friendship between the two of you? At least, Hyunjin hoped it is. You’re the only other person besides Minho that he’s ever opened up to about himself.

“Y/n, please don’t tell anyone. I’m not sure what made me tell you this but I’ve never been this open with anyone besides Minho. I don’t regret it, though,” Hyunjin says as he faces you, his brown eyes finding your own.

“I would never tell anyone, Hyunjin. I promise,” you reply.

Seeing Hyunjin trusting you and opening up to you makes your heart swell a bit. You’re glad you can be here for him.

“Thank you. Really, y/n. I know you may hate me but I’m really grateful that you’re here right now.” the boy says, splashing his face with water once more and drying it with a face towel.

“I don’t hate you, Hyunjin. Not at all. And I’m here for you if you ever need someone to talk to,” you quietly say as you put the face towel on top of the pile of other dirty towels and pick up the now empty glasses.

You move to open the door but Hyunjin stops you, holding your hand once again.

“Can I?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper.

You nod in response and squeeze Hyunjin’s hand lightly.

Together, you walk into the living room.

There’s something inside you that wants nothing more than to help put the broken boy back together, so that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Help him fix the parts of himself that are hidden from the rest of the world.

-----

a/n: thank you for reading part 1 to this fic. the plot/ideas are all mine. you may like, comment, recommend to a friend, reblog and of course read my work! you may not translate, copy, claim, repost (on tumblr not other sites), base work off this etc (pretty much anything that wasn’t in the “you may” section). 

I hope you enjoyed reading this!! I love you have a good day/night <3

© w0nni3wrld 2021

[youreacowgirllikeme]

Hi love! 💓 💓 can you pls write a fic of Chris and y/n meeting in at Yale (where they don’t like each other at all) she being too sensitive and him being too cocky but he secretly liked her the whole time. Never got along or anything. Then they meet again years later in the city, and become friends and fall in love. But with smutty included. Love your lawyer fics ❤️😩😩 so pls make this happen 🙏🏻

Time Will Tell: Part One

note: Hiii, I decided to split this request (which I love btw) into two parts, the second one will drop either Sunday or Monday :) this part is more background story/buildup, hope you enjoy!

words: 3k

warnings: swearing, a bit of angst (??)

“That’s the final one.” Your father grunted as he put down the last huge box on the floor of your dorm room.

“Thank you so much, dad, you’re my hero.” you said, hugging both of your parents tight.

“We’re really proud of you, Y/N. You are going to do so amazing.” You mother whispered, her voice heavy with emotion.

“Thank you so much, guys. I love you. Please give me a call when you get home.” You replied before embracing them one last time, and off they were.

You sighed happily, looking around the room that was going to be your home for the next four years. You were finally a pre-law student at Yale, a dream come true. You gazed out of the window overlooking the campus, beyond exited about all the things to come.

+++

“Alright, settle down.” The voice of your professor sounded over the chatter of your fellow classmates.

You quickly stopped talking with your newfound friend next to you and shifted your attention to the front of the class. It was your very first lecture, and you were almost giddy with excitement about the prospect of learning so much new stuff.

The professor had already started talking, reading out the book list for this semester when suddenly, the door slammed open, and a young man burst into the classroom. He was clearly out of breath, but still grinned at the professor.

“My apologies, Sir.”

His voice was cocky, and you felt an instant burst of dislike at the way he carried himself. He was handsome, tall and broad shouldered with a head full of curls and a winning smile. But it was obvious that he knew just how good he looked, everything about him gave you the impression of another rich, arrogant brat. Yale campus was full of them.

“Just see that it won’t happen again, Mr-?” The professor murmured, clearly displeased.

“It’s Cuomo, Sir.” The guy replied, still grinning, before slumping into the seat next to you.

Cuomo. That rang a bell. You would eat your hat if he hadn’t something to do with the New York Governor, he certainly looked like a politician’s son. You knew you were being slightly prejudiced, but your intuition about those kinds of guys had never betrayed you so far.

As if he could read your mind, the guy in question turned his head to look at you.

"Hi Sweetheart, what’s up? I’m Chris. “

Without even looking up from your notes, you replied.

"If that’s your way of flirting, it sucks. I’m Y/N and not your sweetheart, by the way. How about you pay attention to the lecture now before you get into even more trouble.” It maybe came out more vicious than intended, but you didn’t want this guy to think you would swoon over him just because he had a pretty face.

He just chuckled but turned back to the board.

You were fascinated by the topic of the lecture, eagerly listening and taking notes, the irritating young man next to you long forgotten. When your professor announced that you had to do a group assignment until next week, you promptly turned around to your friend, silently signaling that you wanted to form a pair.

But when the professor started to read out a list of names, your plans were crushed.

"And next we have Ms. Y/L/N and Mr. Cuomo.“

"Oh, you can’t be serious.” you murmured under your breath, when someone poked your arm. You turned around and stared right into Cuomos smug face.

“Looks like you and I are having a date after all, sweetheart.”

Well Fuck.

+++

“Ok, we’re going to do it your way, but just because you’re annoying the hell out of me, and I want this to be over as quick as possible.” You groaned, scribbling something onto the paper in front of you.

Not that you would ever admit to it, but working with Chris went better than expected. Yes, he was cocky and arrogant to no ends, but apparently, he wasn’t only in Yale because of his family name. You bickered about almost every decision, but his ideas for the project were actually pretty good and once you got over his stupid jokes and constant unpunctuality, his company was bearable.

“I’m so glad you’re finally acknowledging my genius. My next suggestion is, once we’re finished here, how about you and I grab dinner somewhere together. You look like you’re in serious need of some fun.” He said, winking at you.

The nerve of the guy.

“You think my idea of a good time is going out with you? Wow, you‘re really full of yourself, Cuomo.”

A weird expression flashed over his face, but before you could name it, he was back to his usual smug grin.

“Your loss, sweetheart.”

+++

You got a good grade on your assignment, but we’re still relieved when the professor paired you up with someone else for the next one.

Outside of class, you rarely saw Chris, mainly because you were parts of different crowds. He had joined a fraternity and the football team, and you often spotted him hanging around with the other frat boys on campus.

To you, they were all cut from the same cloth, spoiled, rich boys who’s only concerns were the next party or if they could graduate in time to take over their daddy’s firm. Those were the kind of people you were trying to stay away from.

+++

It was the final party of freshmen year at the frat house, and you had a blast. There was good music and a lot of alcohol, you were glad your friends had managed to drag you along. The frat boys were there as well, obviously, but you paid them no attention while you danced and enjoyed yourself.

After the third round of shots, you were starting to feel slightly dizzy. Apologizing to your friends, you went outside to get some fresh air. In the garden behind the frat house, the dizziness got even worse, and you had to lean against a wall to steady yourself.

“Everything alright?” someone asked from behind you. It was Chris.

“Sure, Cuomo.” You replied, your voice already slurred. “Just had one or two shots to much.”

“You certainly had more than that.” he spoke, getting closer with a slightly worried look on his face.

“Jesus, you look smashed, Y/L/N. Maybe it’s better to go home?”

“Yeah, I probably should get going.” You agreed, feeling incredibly fuzzy by now, and as you tried to walk, you almost fell over your own feet.

“No way you’ll make it to your dorm on your own. I’ll take you.”

You were too drunk to argue with him, so you just murmured something in agreement and leaned a bit against Chris’s huge frame.

“You have so many muscles.” you whispered, but he still heard you and laughed.

“Oh my god, you’re totally wasted, you’re gonna regret this so much tomorrow. Come on, let’s get you home.”

Luckily, the way to your hall wasn’t that long. Chris steadied you with and arm around your shoulder, almost dragging you up the stairs when you finally arrived.

You fumbled with the keys to your room, so he just took them from you to unlock the door.

“Here we are.” Chris announced, softly sitting you down on the edge of your bed. “Sleep, I’ll tell your friends that you’re home safe.”

With a groan, you sunk back into the pillows, closing your eyes.

Chris was still standing in front of your bed, as if he was unsure if he could leave you alone like that.

“You know,” he quietly spoke. “When I was asking you out, at the beginning of the year, I was kind of serious about that, I-…Y/N?”

But you had already fallen asleep, slightly snoring into your pillow.

Sighting, Chris ran his hand through his hair and gave you one last confused look before he left, softly closing the door behind him.

+++

Lucky for you, the next day was the first day of summer break. You were mortified about acting like an idiot in front of Chris Cuomo, but at least you didn’t have to face him for several weeks.

When the new semester started, the two of you saw each other in classes again, but he never brought the incident up. Instead, he went right back to being his insufferable, arrogant self, taunting you at every chance he got.

Your current class mainly consisted of discussions about the latest political and judicial affairs, and Chris and you ripped each other apart at every chance you got.

“You’re living in a dreamland, Y/L/N.” Chris drawled. “Face the facts, those tax increases for the top five percent or whatever it is you are suggesting, they won’t work. It would actually just hurt our economy, not that you understand anything about that. Also, your poker face is terrible” He pointed right at you, and a few of your classmates chuckled.

You almost lost your last drop of patience there and then.

“I am not sure what’s worse, Cuomo, the bullshit coming out of your mouth or your stupid-“

The professor interrupted you, ending the discussion before things could get really ugly.

+++

“I hate his guts.” You growled, taking an aggressive bite of your bagel. You were having lunch with two of your friends between lessons, and Chris Cuomo was a frequently brought up topic in your conversations.

“You certainly talk about him often enough to really make me doubt that.” One of your friends snickered, and the other one added. “You know that he watches you sometimes, right?”

“Bullshit, he hates me.”

“Yes, Y/N, I’m sure he looks at you with those big, blue, dreamy eyes because he despises you so much.”

“You have to admit, he is stupidly hot.” You friend sighted, “He’s so tall, and that face.”

You rolled your eyes at them. “Sure, he’s not exactly ugly, but his personality is. I’m praying we won’t have any more classes together next year or I might really punch him in the face one day.”

+++

Much to your chagrin, fate wasn’t on your side. Junior year rolled along, and again you had several classes with Chris. And as if that wasn’t enough, he started dating a girl you sometimes hung out with and became a regular guest at parties you and your friends were going to.

So not only were you almost killing each other every day in class, you bickered with him in the evenings as well, about every topic from beer brands to foreign policy. And still, when he ended your conversations to get back to his girlfriend, you always got a small sting of something that felt a lot like jealousy.

Since your friends had revealed to you that he was watching you from time to time, you had started to feel a bit restless around him. Somehow, he was able to get under your skin like no one else did, irritating you to a point where some days all you could think about was his stupid face.

Even if it was just to argue and fight, for some reason, you always gravitated to each other.

+++

“That’s it, I’m not listening to any more of your shit.” you shouted. Your latest argument had continued even after class has finished, and by now, you were walking through the hallways almost yelling at each other. People were already staring, and you had enough.

“The truth is hard to swallow, isn’t it?”Chris replied, his usually cool demeanor had dropped and by now he was just as angry as you were.

“The truth is, I’m sick of this and I’m sick of you. We’ve been at each other’s throats for years now. You won’t convince me of anything and vice versa. I have better things to do than fight with you every day. Just leave me alone from now on, please.”your voice has gotten quieter with each sentence, and before you could display too much emotion, you turned around and left Chris standing in the middle of the hallway, a perplexed expression on his face.

This was the right decision, you thought. This guy meant nothing but trouble, and your infuriating relationship had to stop, you had your finals to focus on.

+++

The end of year parties always were a huge thing on campus, but this one was different for you. This was it, Senior year was over, there would be no coming back to Yale in the fall. Nostalgia and relief about the finished finals made you and your friends celebrate like it was your last night ever and beer and liquor were flowing.

You had received your acceptance letter from Georgetown Law some days before, and the opportunity to continue your education in Washington DC was another reason for you to party.

At some point though, the amount of drunk people was starting to become a bit too much for you, and you decided to retreat to the garden for a moment of quiet. As you walked around a couple of trees, you spotted a lonely figure sitting on a bench in the dark.

“Cuomo?” you asked, a bit staggered. Usually, the guy was the life of every party. What was he doing out here all alone?

As if he had read your thoughts, he spoke up. “I was just trying to get some last moments out here, were leaving campus in two days and this always was my favorite spot.”

Who was this guy, and what had he done to the menace you attended class with?

You hadn’t seen that much of him the past months, not after your last argument, but the memories of your numerous encounters were still very present in your head. You had thought about him more often than you’d care to admit.

“I wouldn’t have taken you for a nature guy, Cuomo.” you replied “Unless you’d count the lawn on the football field.”

“That’s because you don’t know me, Y/N.” his voice was oddly cold as he looked at you, his eyes almost appearing black in the dark. You tried to ignore how handsome he looked and focused on your dislike for him instead.

“Oh, I know enough. You have shown me everything I need to know about you over the course of the last four years.” You snapped, the alcohol in your system was making your emotions run high.

Chris got up from the bench to plant himself right in front of you. He towered over you and you had to crane your neck to look up at him.

The air between you was bristling with tension, he stood so close to you that your bodies were almost touching.

“Why, because I actually challenged you, delivered some real arguments against you? Until you chickened out?” He shot back, his voice growing louder, his fists clenched at his sides. “Don’t you want to become a lawyer? Better learn to deal with that if you want to survive in court, that’s not a place for soft, overly sensitive people like you.”

“Are you kidding me, you condescending asshole? You don’t have the slightest clue about the life of ordinary people! You’re living in your little Chris Cuomo bubble where everything is perfect and there’s nothing daddy can’t take care of and call me sensitive? I’m thrilled to see how you will be able to handle yourself out in the real world.”you were yelling as well by now, just lashing out to hurt him the way he had hurt you with what he said.

“Don’t act like you fucking know anything about me.“ He shouted, his face clenched in a mask of fury. He opened his mouth to continue, but you spoke first, your voice flat now.

“You’re right. I don’t know you at all.” With that, you turned around and left the garden, running back to your dorm before anyone could see your tears. He would always be the same asshole, and you were mad at yourself for ever believing anything else.

+++

“Christopher Charles Cuomo.”

The crowd around you cheered, whistles and shouts erupting all over the place. Chris climbed the stage, looking unusually serious in his black robe and cap. He took his diploma, shook hands with the dean, and then turned around with the most brilliant smile on his face. He looked carefree, and happy, and when he raised his hand to wave at the crowd, your whole class hollered for him.

“He is so incredibly hot.” Some girl swooned behind you, and you just rolled your eyes, trying to suppress the little stab of sadness you still felt about how you parted ways with him two nights ago.

But when you looked up to the stage again, he was gone, and in that moment you realized that it was very unlikely that you would see Chris Cuomo ever again.

[imagineddworld]

Unexpected day (Part 1)

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: Neither of you went to Hogsmeade, so this was a great opportunity to spend the day together

Word count: 3,2 K (3292) 

Author’s note: This idea ended up being longer than I expected, so I decided to split it up into parts. Probably 2 to 3 max. If you prefer longer or shorter fics, you can always let me know. Requests for other fandoms are open. I just happen to be stuck in a hp mood. 

It was a beautiful day. The sun is shining brightly in the sky, a soft bries is blowing through the trees; making them softly sway from side to side. Little white clouds pass by easily. Nearly everyone was out to Hogsmeade, but you rather stayed behind. You didn’t really felt like going. It was nice to have some peace at Hogwarts, surely when the weather was this good. Places were always more enjoyable when there was less of a crowd. You had woken up early, slowly getting rid of the last bits of sleep. You admired the little sun rays peaking through your blinders, loving the warm glow it gave you. When you got down stairs to the Great hall, you were greeted with the aromas of the delicious smelling food roaming in the air. Some students were already headed off to Hogsmeade, while other grabbed a quick bite. In the meanwhile, you took your time to truly enjoying the food for once. It felt like your first day all over again. After that day, you always found yourself overwhelmed with homework and essays to write. You always were in a rush, storming from class to class. So this peaceful morning where you really could enjoy your food, was a true blessing.

After a good filling breakfast, you made your way towards the library. You were going to pick out a good book, before you would head out to the courtyard later today. You wanted to read outside while laying in the grass or sitting against a tree. Just hearing the birds sing their little songs, wind softly whistling in your ear and the soft sounds of water, made you feel at peace with yourself. Plus you nearly always had a beautiful sight in front of you. You could take your mind off things for once.   You had picked out a few books to choose from. You would read a few pages of each before deciding which one was more your liking. You started with the book that laid on top of your little pile. It had really grabbed your attention, because you didn’t realized someone had stood in front of you until they spoke up. “Hey (y/n)”, the voice said softly. Your head shot up, a bit startled from the sudden interruption. You saw a rather awkward Draco standing in front of your table, with a soft smile on his face. You were quite shocked to see him here. The two of you rarely spoke to one another, only the basic small talks whenever you had a class together or passed each other in the halls. You had heard plenty of things about him, but never knew for sure what to think of him yourself. He always seemed so cold and closed off, even rude. But he never was rude towards you, which was odd. Not that he was particularly sweet either. But if you paid enough attention, there often would form a small smile on his face as he passed you or as your eyes locked for a short moment. Maybe that was just you overthinking things because you had a small crush on him. You didn’t even knew what you liked about him. Maybe his mysteriousness or his attractiveness. You barely knew him and that intrigued you in a way. There seems more to him than meets the eye. 

“Oh, hi”, you smiled a bit confused. You carefully closed your book, holding your finger between the pages you were reading. This way you could look at him with full attention. “How are you?”, he asked, still standing in the same spot with his hands behind his back. He looked a bit stiff, so naturally you signaled him to sit down on the chair that stood in front of him. “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?” you replied kindly, still unsure of where this conversation was going to go. “I’m good”, he ran his hand through his platinum locks. It looked so soft and shiny, making him even more attractive. The colour of his hair, fitted perfectly with his icy blue eyes. They always seemed to stand out against his dark shaded clothes. They hypnotized you with their intense stares and small sparkles of mystery.  You weren’t sure, but it seemed like he was nervous. He always kept a good posture, a smug smirk covering his face while his eyes were already judging the depths of your soul. He always came off a bit arrogant. While now he seemed more soft, which seemed odd. His shoulders slouched a bit, a small smile curving his lips, while shy eyes looked intensely at the wooden table, as if he tried to bore holes through it. But of course you never would know for sure, maybe he always was like this around his friends. Maybe his arrogant coldness was just an act. 

You sat in quiet for a little, while you pondered over your racing thoughts. Why did he sat with you in a nearly empty library. Only a few students were sat at the tables or in the comfortable chairs, either making homework or trying to read in peace. He sat with you while he could have fun with his friends instead. It wasn’t like you were that entertaining, for him at least. You hesitated a bit, before finally asking him the question that took all your attention. “Why didn’t you go to Hogsmeade today? Particularly with this beautiful weather, seems like a missed opportunity”. His eyes slowly went back up to meet yours, a smirk lightly taking the place of his previous soft smile. “I could be asking you the same”, he said smoothly. It was true though. Most people would call you mental for not going to Hogsmeade. But it just wasn’t your thing. “Well, I uhm, .. I didn’t want to go.. I rarely go to Hogsmeade. It’s always so crowded. I prefer the calmness here”, you answered honestly. You didn’t knew why you felt anxious telling him that, but it slowly crept onto you. Maybe you were afraid of what he would say. Nearly everyone loved Hogsmeade, so you must be out of your mind to not like it. But to your surprise he only smiled, nodding understandingly at your reply. You fiddled a bit with the hair elastic around your arm. “But you still haven’t answered my question though”, your voice sounded soft, nearly inaudible. Draco’s smile fell for a split second, before it regained its unusual brightness. “Well there wasn’t anything I wanted to see there”, he shrugged. Now it was your turn to nod. An awkward silence dared to fall over the two of you. You didn’t want the conversation to end yet, so you asked him another question that had sparked your curiosity. “What are your plans for today then?” 

It was only 10 in the morning. There were plenty of things he could choose from and more than enough time to fulfill them. “I thought.. that maybe.. I could spend the day with you”, he said as he leaned on his forearms to get a bit closer to you. A small, innocent smirk plastered onto his face, making him look that tad bit more attractive. You felt a light pink blush creep onto your cheeks and nose. You were taken back by his words. As if your ears had played some cruel trick on you. He couldn’t possibly want to spend time with you. “Excuse me?”, you asked shocked as your eyebrow pulled itself into an arch. Your voice must have sounded a bit harsh, because his face fell low. “I wanted to spend time with you”, he said unsure. Your face started to heat up more. He truly meant it. A happy tingling feeling filled your body, as excitement started to rise up. But you didn’t want to appear desperate, so you tried to answer him nonchalantly. “Okay, whatever flows your boat”, while those words flew out of your mouth, you picked up your book. You lifted it up high enough, so it would block your face from his view. It wasn’t a way to seem rude, but more so to hide your beet red face. You couldn’t believe he actually wanted to spend time with you. 

But that action must have given him another impression. He softly placed his finger on top of your book and pushed it down till your eyes were visible again. He had one eyebrow raised questionably, looking confused and a bit hurt. But even if your book was lower now, you still tried to continue your reading. It was hard to focus though. His eyes stared intensely at your figure. It was as if he was trying to find a way to your soul, and it worked. The longer you tried to ignore him, the harder it got. Your heart was racing, hammering against your chest. You started to tap your foot rapidly against the floor, hoping it would ease your anxiety.  

After a minute or maybe two, he decided he had enough of your behavior. He came to spend time with you, not to get ignored. He rudely took the book out of your hands. As he did so, your hands slightly brushed against one another. He closed the book onto the table, making a loud thud echo in the library Luckily the little amount of students cared too less to look up from their books. “Hey”, you exclaimed as your eyes stared into his, “How am I supposed to know what page I was on?” A small pout made its way onto your face, while you focused your angry glare on him. You crossed your arms in front of you, making you look like a little child. “Pfft, you will know”, he rolled his eyes. “No I won’t. I am not as smart as you”, you stated back annoyed. He looked puzzled at your statement. But it was true, you weren’t particularly smart. Surely not compared to him or Granger. You needed to put in twice the work to get an average grade. 

While he thought over a good response, you took your chance to subtly get your book back. His eyes stared at you, but his mind seemed somewhere else. As you kept your gaze onto him, you slowly leaned in closer. Your crossed arms were now leaning onto the table, while one of them was carefully reaching forward. You fingers softly slid over the table’s surface, making little to no sound at all. The smooth wooden surface gave you that advantage. Your eyes scanned his every move, but seemed to find none. He looked like he was stuck in a sea of thoughts, nearly drowning in them. You couldn’t keep quiet. It would give your intentions free more easily. “Besides, It’s still rude”, you decided to speak up, in hopes of getting the conversation going. Hoping that the conversation would keep his attention from your book, or wandering hand. In order to reach your book, you needed to tuck your legs underneath yourself. You were very close to the books, only a few more centimeters left. But that also meant that your face was nearing Draco’s. Not that you were focussed on that matter. Your eyes had subtly trailed of to your hand. You nearly could call out victory, only to be stopped by a bigger, but softer hand landing on top of yours. Draco’s hand felt warmer than you had expected.  As you allowed your eyes to meet his again, you were greeted with a smirking face. He leaned in only the smallest bit, nearly making your noses bump against one another. “Well, let me make it up to you”, he stated more than suggesting it. His minty breath softly fanned against your already heated up skin. Your cheeks returned to their beet red colour, as you started to realize how close you were to him. Never before had you seen his eyes from this close up. Every little speck of silver could be detected in his icy blue eyes. They were more mesmerizing than ever before. Draco’s smirk only grew wider at the sight of your reaction. He grabbed the book with his free hand, while the one that had laid on top of your smaller one, came to intertwine your fingers together. It was very unusual for Draco to show such sort of affection towards anyone, but you weren’t going to complain. It felt good to hold his hand.  He stood up, softly pulling you out of your seat too. You followed his lead towards the library doors. No further words were exchanged, till he suddenly handed you your book back. As you looked down to it, you saw he had saved the page you had ended on. “Thank you”, you mumbled, smiling to yourself. Your chest filled with an unknown warmth that slowly made its way throughout your body. It was a small, nearly non important, gesture. But to you, as a bookworm, it meant more. It was very sweet of him to do such a thin, while he always seemed so cold and cruel towards others. 

He led you out of Hogwarts, towards the Great lake. Where to your surprise nearly anyone could be found. It was odd, seen that often students came out here to relax and enjoy the view. But today you had the place almost to yourself. You immediately felt happier. The sun warmed your skin, while a soft spring breeze played with your hair and clothes. A wide smile was plastered on your face, as you hummed a soft melody. You swung your intertwined hands a little, showing your happiness to Draco. You didn’t noticed as he looked adoringly at you with a loving smile covering his face. The light made your skin glow, your smile warmed his heart and your eyes sparkled brighter than the lake ever could. He nearly lost himself. You came to a stop, when you spotted a nice place where you could sit. You felt Draco bump into you lightly, seemingly being in his thoughts. “Is it okay if we sit here?”, you smiled amused at him, as he slowly came out of his trance. “Yeah sure, where ever you like”. You quickly sunk to the ground, loving how the grass felt underneath your bare skin. It always tickled a bit. As Draco didn’t immediately followed your lead to sit, you pulled softly onto his sleeve. You patted the space next to you, gesturing him to sit there. Which he gladly did. 

The two of you soon fell into a comfortable conversation. It didn’t felt forced or strange. It had a natural flow to it, as if you had knew one another for years. Which technically you did, but you just had rarely talked to one another. You only had created an image of him from the information you got from others, but that was nowhere near the truth. As for now, you could base your image of him from your personal experience. You learned many things about the mysterious platinum blond. You had started off by telling him about your life back in your muggle home, while he offered some fun stories about his youth in the wizard world. You felt so comfortable that you even told him about the many times your grandparents had taken you to the beach. Each trip ended the same; with you crying over some weird object that had hurt your foot while you had been in the water. After those stories you had not much choices left, but to admit your fear of the unknowns of the ocean to Draco. You face had heat up form embarrassment, while he just smiled lovingly at you. He took your hand in his, caressing the skin softly with his thumb. “Don’t worry, everyone has fears”, he whispered, as he had lend in closer to your face. You held each other eyes for a while, just adoring the sweet moment. He started to tell you about his own fear for birds. White feathered peacocks to be particular. His dad loved them, still does. They always visited a farm where they had many of them, often looking if they could have one as a pet. But one day a white peacock decided to escape form his territory and attack him. It chased Draco down the farm, up to the road; till he eventually could escape by climbing in a tall tree. For hours the poor boy had been too scared to come back down. Since that day, Draco could never look at white birds the same. The story made you chuckle lightly, which he surprisingly did too. You two continued to share funny stories from past moments, having a good laugh. But you also discovered some unexpected similarities between you. Such as your love and passion for astronomy and nature. Both subjects held some fascinating secrets a human mind would never be able to understand. 

“Up for a quick swim?”,Draco suggested after hours of talking. You softly nudged his shoulder, looking at him with a suspicious face. “Just to get a cooling refreshment”, he added innocent, with his hands in the air as a sign of surrender. It would be nice to feel the cold water against your heated skin, after hours of sitting in the bright sun. But you weren’t sure. The Great lake was beautiful, but it also had unknown secrets. It is a wizard world after all, who knows what creatures or objects might hide into the depths of it. “Maybe later”, you kindly declined his offer. “It”ll be fun, I promise”, he tried to change your mind, as a soft smile covered his face. But a light smirk started to pull at the corners of his lips. You drifted your gaze off towards your lap, fiddling with your hands. You thought over some pro’s and con’s, scrunching your face in the process. You heard some movement from beside you, but payed it not much attention. You were too busy thinking off every possible outcome. “As tempting as it sounds, it’s still a no for now”, You mumbled softly. After speaking, you looked back up to him. Your eyes were met with a shirtless Draco, who was smirking mischievously. The sun shone brightly onto his now exposed skin, giving him a nice sun kissed glow. The shadows that were cast on his bare upper half, made his muscles look more prominent. They also accentuated his abs. They weren’t too prominent, but still enough to show off his good body. Your eyes quickly grew wide at the sight of him, while the heat easily returned to your already reddened face. Your cheeks and nose became a vibrant red, as you tried to avoid his gaze at all cost. “Okay, whatever you like”, he teased. He slowly made his way to the water, but looked behind him once more. His eyes met yours, as his smirk shone wider than ever. He winked at you, before jumping in the water. His action nearly made your heart explode, making it pump triple as hard. You laid flat out onto the grass, covering your hot face with your hands. A soft groan left your lips, as you tried to get a grip of yourself. After a few moments of breathing in the soft spring scent, you felt your heart ease a little. You flipped onto your stomach, face towards the water. You decided to continue your reading, in hopes to take your mind off your thoughts. But every so often, you caught yourself glancing to where Draco was swimming lazily around. His figure started to shrink a little as he made his way deeper into the water.  

- To be continued -

[a-crimson-lion]

“It Makes Me Wanna Keep Him At Arm’s Length” An Overview On Katsuki Bakugo’s Development

[I should by no means be the one writing this analysis, but here we are. Obviously it’s an overview on Katsuki’s character development, but there’s a bit more to it than that. Keep reading if you want the details.]

Table of Contents

i) Prologue

I) A Brief Explanation

II) The “What The F*** Is Your Existence” Phase

II.A) Breaking The Barriers

III) The “I Can’t Let You Get Ahead Of Me” Phase

IV) The “Why Don’t You Care About Yourself” Phase

V) Final Address+Conclusion

Word Count: 4415

[Warning: Contains manga spoilers up to Ch. 284. Will also include spoilers for the movies and OVAs, as well as the special Deku & Bakugo: Rising two-shot manga. Reader’s discretion is advised. Not scared off yet? Good. Let’s do this.]

i) Prologue

Alright, no beating around the bush, I guess.

We all know this has to deal with Ch. 284, and the milestone that came with it. We got a rare look inside Katsuki’s perspective, and we saw firsthand how much his perspective has changed from the start of the story. I don’t think we’ve ever gotten such an in-depth look into Katsuki’s psyche since Deku vs Kacchan 2. It’s honestly impressive.

...which is why I’m so confused by a certain kind of response to it.

When you look past the swarms of tumblr posts absolutely losing their s*** over Katsuki getting further character development, you come across an… admittedly troubling response. The idea that “Katsuki always cared.” The idea that as early as the Battle Trial, if not middle school, Katsuki was secretly keeping an eye out for Izuku in their tumultuous relationship.

...no. Just-. No, what the-

I’ll get to why this particular response pisses me off in a bit, but before that, I wanna give a run down of Katsuki’s development, according to the narrative. Anyone who’s been around my blog long enough knows that I don’t exactly hold Katsuki in good graces. (Pretty much the opposite, actually.) However, in light of recent developments, that’s not what this post is gonna be focusing on. And as such, I’ll keep the snark and branch conversations to a minimum… to the best of my abilities.

So… how are we gonna do this?

I) A Brief Explanation

After we finish this brief “tutorial” section, the next three segments of the post will cover the various time frames of Katsuki’s development. I’ll be going through a general rundown of Katsuki’s perspective and the various evidence points that lead me to my conclusions. It’s essentially a glorified retelling. Sound good? Alrighty then!

II) The “What The F*** Is Your Existence” Phase

Time Frame: Ch. 1-Ch. 116 [Sludge Villain Arc-Late Provisional Hero License Exam Arc]

In case the Prologue didn’t make things clear, let me spell it out: Katsuki didn’t always care.

At least, he didn’t “always care” in the positive sense.

To clarify, this isn’t just 3rd Year Middle School Katsuki to UA Katsuki. This is all the way back to the River Incident. Katsuki has had this mentality for that long and then some when you shift out of backstory territory. We’re talking about the same kid who nearly murdered Izuku in the Battle Trial, blasted Izuku to kingdom come in the Training of the Dead OVA, and decked Izuku during the Final Exams. So…

The following hinges majorly on the line Katsuki stated in Chapter 284, and the title of this analysis: “It makes me wanna keep him at arm’s length.” Contrary to popular belief, this does not just apply to the idea that Katsuki wants to stick around Izuku to keep him from destroying himself.

...it’s also a major contributor to the reason Katsuki bullied Izuku in the past.

So let’s backtrack to the River incident. Katsuki takes one wrong step on a log, slips, and falls down into the river below. Izuku is the only one that goes down to help him. This infuriates Katsuki because he was fine, as was said by him and everyone but Izuku that was present that day. This is also the first time Katsuki becomes aware of something he echoes in the Ch. 284 flashback:

“He just… Deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?”

This is Katsuki’s first run in with Izuku’s inherent selflessness. Initially, he takes it as pity; in his words, Izuku is “looking down on him.” And this bothers him a great deal. Then when it comes to Quirks, Katsuki gets one and Izuku doesn’t. This assures Katsuki of something he shortly discovered previously: Izuku isn’t all that special.

It’s a brief comfort. Because Izuku hasn’t taken the damn hint and stopped hanging out with him and his friends. The Quirked kids. The normal kids.

And worst still, he’s willing to get in Katsuki’s way just because someone else is in his line of fire. In the back of his mind, it’s the River Incident all over again, though he’s not being feared for; he’s being feared of. It’s all wrong. Deku isn’t strong like the rest of them. Deku can’t be a hero. Deku knows that.

...he knows that he doesn’t stand a chance, right? He knows how the world really works. Is he… is he putting on an act?

One of the few remarkable traits Katsuki has right from the get-go is his disdain against dishonesty. So, when he sees Izuku putting on a brave face and acting like a hero, and Katsuki decides that Izuku’s just “pretending,” Katsuki takes the matter into his own hands. He’ll get Izuku to show his true colors in due time. That’s what heroes do, right? Take down the bad guys? And Izuku faking about caring for others when everyone else clearly puts themselves first and foremost sounds pretty bad guy-like, at least at the time.

So, Izuku keeps on trucking, occasionally trying to join back up with Katsuki’s group on a near frequent basis. Even when that fails, he tries his damnedest to catch up.

But what many people forget is that at some point, Izuku stopped following, at least actively.

By Chapter 1, he’s making sure to keep from drawing attention to himself. He’s not as enthusiastic as everyone else in the class, he tries backing away from Katsuki and shrinking down on himself, tries defusing the situation. That doesn’t sound like Izuku’s still trying to keep up. Even in the special two-shot manga dedicated to Heroes: Rising, Izuku isn’t the one to draw attention to Katsuki’s presence. And even when he does go after Katsuki and the villain, his attention is more so focused on the villain, thoughts of staying out of Katsuki’s way to not offend him likely somewhere in his mind.

So then why does Katsuki keep antagonizing him in the first chapter of canon proper? And even before that, most likely?

“It makes me wanna keep him at arm’s length.”

...Izuku didn’t stop being Izuku. Izuku didn’t stop being selfless.

And his selflessness is what pisses Katsuki off to no end. So, he keeps pursuing Izuku, keeps trying to get him to “drop the act.” Makes him a “punching bag,” as Izuku states in Chapter 8. Because the way things work, Izuku should not be trying to be a hero. He should not be trying to put on a brave face when he’s scared s***less. He should not be sticking his neck out for others when he doesn’t (or rather, didn’t) have anything to stick up for himself.

Katsuki was born with something that made everyone consider him prime hero material. Izuku was born without that, and was considered the opposite… and yet, he still tries.

And this character trait, this selflessness, it drives Katsuki insane. And it continues to do so well beyond the Battle Trial Arc. Even when Katsuki is able to begrudgingly accept that Quirkless Deku has a Quirk now, somehow, his selflessness continues to bring Katsuki grief. While it’s never inherently brought up, this is the dividing factor between Izuku’s fight against Shoto in the Sport’s Festival and Katsuki’s fight with Shoto in the Sport’s Festival.

Izuku was willing to go all out at the cost of himself just so Shoto could accept what was his. Katsuki just wanted a good brawl, to be the undisputed first place.

This even continues well into the Final Exams, though the fact that Katsuki is running high on arrogance and anger does nothing to soothe matters. It takes a deck to face and later an explosive kabedon wall smash to get Izuku and Katsuki working together, and let’s not forget that when Izuku was trying to get Katsuki to realize they were still fighting All Might, regardless of whatever handicaps he may or may not have, he gets decked in the nose for his efforts. While it’s technically a subtler play on Izuku’s selflessness and concern for others, Katsuki likely took it as further mockery, another attempt for Deku to try and get under his skin and throw him off.

In any case, throughout this time period, Katsuki cares f*** all for Izuku or his philosophy, opting to brute force things up until the very end of the time frame. But what causes the eventual shift?

II.A) Breaking The Barriers

A number of things, actually.

None of the proceeding events ever do a clean cut on Katsuki’s worldview. It’s more like chiseling through a wall than breaking it down with a hammer.

The Sludge Villain is the first hint that Izuku might not be faking and Katsuki might not be at the top. While many claim that Katsuki leaves Izuku alone because he feels indebted to him but doesn’t want to admit it, it’s more than likely that he’s more focused on his own self-loathing. This incident is what defines him for a good chunk of the series, to his chagrin.

The Battle Trial is just another nail in the eventual coffin. Katsuki thinks he’s finally got Izuku right where he wants him, only for Izuku to pull a 500 IQ play and prioritize the exercise over his and Katsuki’s squabbles, taking the brunt of Katsuki’s attack and attention while giving Ochako the opportunity to capture the bomb. That look of frustration is Katsuki realizing that not only did Izuku get ahead, he got ahead with the very thing Katsuki despises. Needless to say, it f***s with him well until the aftermath outside of UA’s gate.

Shoto refusing to use his flames is another chip off the marble that is Katsuki’s pride. It reinforces the idea that Izuku is doing something that Katsuki isn’t, something that Izuku shouldn’t have in the first place, beyond a Quirk at least. So, Katsuki rages, because he can’t understand why it’s such a big deal, in both Izuku’s and Shoto’s cases.

The Final Exams just hammer the point home further. Katsuki’s one-track minded attempts to bring down All Might are met with no results. He would have failed that exam if it wasn’t for Izuku’s selflessness or Katsuki “lowering himself” to cooperate with him. Had Katsuki not gotten decked in the face and dragged off or got saved at the last minute while he was knocked out, he definitely would have failed on account of becoming a liability.

The Training Camp attack is an odd mix of Katsuki’s current philosophy and the next stage in it. He knows Izuku’s gonna go and save his ass, and he wants no part of that because hasn’t he made him suffer enough already? Hasn’t he already proved time and time again that he’s getting better, despite the fact that Katsuki doesn’t want or believe it? Despite the fact that it shouldn’t even be happening if things were right in the world? Izuku does recognize Katsuki’s wounded pride, however, which is instrumental in getting him out of All For One’s clutches during Kamino.

If we briefly direct our attention to the Make It! Do-Or-Die Survival Training! OVA, Katsuki is pretty adamant on claiming he only got the power back on in the underground mall to complete the exercise. And I don’t think that’s Katsuki’s “tsundere” talking, either: I genuinely believe that Katsuki’s only thoughts at the moment was getting the exercise done. Everyone else was just secondary. And remember, Katsuki hates dishonesty, which is probably why he doesn’t take credit for “saving” Izuku and Shoto. While his actions did save the two of them and everyone else in the mall, that wasn’t his intention, which is an interesting flip on Izuku’s performance back in the Battle Trial. Couple that with the fact that Katsuki is injured (and therefore weak, and in need of help), and it’s no wonder he’s in a sour mood towards the end of it all.

And this sour mood carries over to the final nail in his coffin: the Provisional License Exam. He only gets by the first half because other people had the sense to tag along, but the second half regards his undoing because he still doesn’t get the whole selfless aspect of saving people in the second half of the exam. This was also foreshadowed back in the aforementioned OVA with Katsuki’s excessive animosity towards the victim dummy. Whether they be real or fake, Katsuki’s disregard of either victim doesn’t grant him his hero license.

This is the straw that breaks the camel's back for Katsuki. And ultimately, this sparks the start in his shift to the second phase of his development.

III) The “I Can’t Let You Get Ahead Of Me” Phase

Time Frame: Ch. 117-~Ch. 257 [Late Provisional Hero License Exam Arc-Early Paranormal Liberation War Arc]

Since this is only the second phase of Katsuki’s development (and given that this is Katsuki we’re talking about), don’t expect to get much of an upgrade with this shift.

Essentially, it boils down to two things: Katsuki stops viewing Izuku as an annoyance, and starts viewing him as an obstacle. Simultaneously, he starts seeing the viability of saving, at least as a tool in a hero’s kit.

Let me explain.

While Deku vs Kacchan 2 is the first time Izuku and Katsuki have attempted to talk out their issues… not much gets addressed. Sure, Katsuki becomes aware of Izuku not looking down on him, but Izuku is never made aware of the deeper issues regarding Katsuki’s loathing beyond that. It primarily serves as a half-barebones narrative checkpoint, a segway for Katsuki to get in on the secret of One For All.

...let’s also talk about that, shall we?

So Izuku’s been getting better as a hero and with his Quirk. Then Katsuki finds out after he gets kidnapped and rescued that Izuku is the successor to their mutual idol. And that’s after essentially being told he can’t be a hero in his current state due to the PLE. And what is his usual response to adversity? He decides to get ahead of it.

He’ll surpass Class 1-A so there won’t be another Battle Trial. He’ll surpass Izuku and One For All so he can truly claim that he’s the best of the best.

Unfortunately, we don’t get to see more of this development until the Joint Training Arc. However, keep in mind that this is only the second stage. Katsuki wants to prove that he’s the best, so of course he’s gonna step up his game. That means taking advice from the LITERAL (former) #1 HERO, and making the victory as flawless as possible. After all, Katsuki himself said in Chapter 208:

“I’ve decided! We’re gonna win this match with a perfect victory! 4-0, with everyone unscathed! That’s the kind of victory there is for the strongest guys out there!”

...it might be a slight exaggeration when he says he’s hardly changed at the end of that chapter, but then again it is a stretch to even call it an exaggeration.

That aside, Katsuki also makes it part of his agenda to keep tabs on OFA. This would fit into the “Katsuki secretly cares” agenda, but we haven’t reached that point. Right now, in these moments, Katsuki figures that if One For All starts getting freaky, he wants to know about it so he can get a leg up. And maybe part of him still wants to call Izuku out.

He was minorly ticked when Izuku allowed himself to make a mistake during their unauthorized fight. And he constantly reminds Izuku to not forget that he’s supposed to surpass him (or the other way around).

Taking off the rose-colored glasses for a moment, it does make sense for Katsuki to say this beyond the context of positive motivation. We are talking about the same Katsuki who lashed out at Shoto for holding back. It’s reasonable to assume that he doesn’t want Izuku to do the same, and lagging behind more or less equates to holding back.

And Katsuki still isn’t completely invested in Izuku’s training for Izuku’s sake. After the Joint Training, Katsuki tries getting Izuku to manifest Black Whip again, and nopes out shortly afterwards when nothing comes of their sparring sessions in Chapter 217. This still isn’t the Katsuki we see in the 284 flashback. He’s still got a ways to go.

Yes, this even rings true for Katsuki during Heroes: Rising. While the film might be the ultimate Bakudeku dream come true, there really isn’t… much depth in regards to Izuku and Katsuki’s past. Y’know, the thing that most people are hoping gets resolved? It only gets referenced a few times in the film, but doesn’t overall factor into anything meaningful. Most of the time when Izuku and Katsuki team up, Katsuki only gets to the fight because he wants to throw hands with villains on an island where (if the status quo had remained unchanged) was likely selected because it had little to no serious villain activity. It just so happens that protecting and working with Izuku is an unintended byproduct of these fights. Katsuki even drops the infamous “lowering myself to work with Deku” line just before the big climax. And even with the transfer of OFA to Katsuki, it strikes less as overcoming a longstanding obstacle and more as plot convenience, especially since by the end of the fight OFA nopes back into Izuku so hard that Katsuki gets mind wiped about the whole thing.

Even during the Endeavor Arc, we don’t see much growth beyond the Ending fight, where Katsuki prioritizes saving Natsuo over throwing hands like he usually would, learning to take saving as more than a tool. This is significant considering it’s Katsuki, but unfortunately, there’s not much else thereafter. The entire arc won’t get referenced as an overall stepping stone until Ch. 284.

And thus, we head to the final phase.

IV) The “Why Don’t You Care About Yourself” Phase

Time Frame: ~Ch. 257-Ch. 284 [Early Paranormal Liberation War Arc-Paranormal Liberation War Arc (Present)]

So here’s an interesting tidbit: Katsuki can’t handle nonphysical confrontation.

Leave him with the fact that his kidnapping could have gotten most of the class expelled because they decided to go rescue him or avoided such while knowing of the operation? He’ll pay back Eijiro for the expensive night vision goggles and make Denki suffer Quirk overuse so he doesn’t need to be reminded.

Get stuck in the middle of a Todoroki Family Drama scene? He’ll try bragging about how he did better than the current #1 Hero to attempt curbing off the situation.

Put him in a discussion with Izuku where they address his additional Quirk manifestations and the full weight of his potential/legacy? Katsuki will brag about having a skill already in his toolkit to ignore the fact that he has the potential to fall behind.

This defines the earlier days of this phase. We don’t see what happens in the timeframe between that and the start of the War Arc until the Chapter 284 flashback. I believe that during the gap between 257 and this flashback, Katsuki allowed himself to process the full weight of what he and Izuku were told during that meeting.

And this marks one of his biggest revelations to date.

Izuku’s selflessness is no longer something annoying. It’s a potential fatal flaw.

For the first time, it’s hitting Katsuki that Izuku is no longer an obstacle, or just an obstacle. Izuku is a person who is working himself to the bone and past that, who would die at the drop of the hat if he thought the payoff was well worth it. He’s finally starting to see that what Izuku is doing to himself is dangerous, and he wants to know what he can do to prevent the serious ramifications.

This is a big phase in his development, no doubt, but um… it’s not the last phase.

If I’m being honest, we’re nowhere close. Why? Well, two reasons:

A) Katsuki still has yet to properly take a loss.

Any and all of Katsuki’s losses are either in his head or narratively negated. And his disproportionate win/loss ratio doesn’t do him any favors either. He’s culminated a philosophy that he can’t and shouldn’t lose, but losing is a crucial aspect of improvement and being human in general. In the case of the story, Chapter 275 suggests that Katsuki wants to face off against Tomura as payback for Kamino. He essentially wants to extend the narrative and treat that loss like a delayed win, as if the loss hadn’t happened yet. Many people claim that this is a bluff he used to cover his true intentions of keeping an eye on Izuku, but I don’t think that’s the case. While sticking by Izuku is a contributing factor, getting a win is equally so, because Katsuki hasn’t properly adjusted to a loss. His strategy for dealing with any kind of loss is just to bulldoze through it like nothing happened, instead of taking the time to understand why he lost and to apply that knowledge for future encounters.

Be aware of your surroundings during the Sludge Villain.

Focus on your priorities and communicate with others during the Battle Trial.

Don’t ignore the situation just to focus on your own intentions during the Training Camp attack.

HELP PEOPLE during the Provisional License Exam.

There are so many lessons Katsuki could have learned sooner if he had taken the time to properly digest his losses. But he didn’t. He still doesn’t. He might have learned some of them eventually, but the fact remains that he nearly ran head first into a suicide mission just because he couldn’t take the loss and was dead set on getting even.

And keep in mind, Katsuki was lamenting on struggling to keep up with Izuku earlier before their encounter with Tomura, and how he couldn’t afford to stay a loser, so this is likely less far-fetched than you think.

Okay, so then what’s the second reason Katsuki’s development is far from over?

B) He hasn’t fully connected the dots on what he did to Izuku.

So far, Katsuki has recognized that he was off-put by Izuku’s selflessness, and that he bullied him over that.

What he hasn’t recognized is how much of a role he played personally in that part of Izuku’s personality, or at least it’s present day incarnation.

Let me clarify a bit. Katsuki is aware that he was distrubed by Izuku’s selflessness. He is aware that bullied him and that, at some degree, was wrong. But I don’t think he’s quite connected the dots on how his intervention has led to Izuku’s current brand of martyrdom.

At the start of the series, Izuku just cares about others. After making sure he gets down to the river safely, he’s willing to lend a hand to Katsuki, who fell from a pretty concerning height ig we’re being honest.

But this unnerves Katsuki. And it leads to his physical altercations with Izuku from time to time.

Remember, Izuku followed Katsuki at the time, but somewhere down the line he stopped. But he never stopped being Izuku, so Katsuki continued to pursue him. Izuku had already been willing to give up in some degree on ever keeping up with Katsuki the way he used to. He knew, at some level, that he wasn’t accepted.

That he wasn’t worth as much as everyone else.

Katsuki bullied Izuku because he was selfless. But Katsuki’s bullying, coupled with the rest of society’s ostracization, twisted and warped that selflessness with low self-esteem, low self-worth, and self-destructive tendencies. Katsuki wasn’t the sole bully of Izuku, but he was a primary perpetrator. And his actions only made the very thing he despised so, so much worse.

...and until he can recognize THAT aspect of his relationship with Izuku, his journey is far from over.

So yeah, Katsuki’s making progress, but we’re still not out of the woods yet.

V) Final Address+Conclusion

So now for the obvious question: why did I write all of this?

I said it at the beginning, about how some people claimed that Katsuki cared all along. I brought up a bit about how it pissed me off. Why, exactly?

Because when people insist that Katsuki threatening Izuku to not go to UA comes from a place of concern, they disregard Chapter 1 Katsuki’s gigantic ego and utter disregard for others, much less so for Izuku.

Because when people insist that Katsuki’s shocked face at the end of the Battle Trial was because he was upset with how he hurt Izuku, they disregard the fact that Katsuki was willing to almost murder Izuku, and if not that then brutalize him, and that at this point Katsuki absolutely loathes getting shown up, which is what Izuku inadvertently did.

Because when people insist that Katsuki always cared from the very beginning, they (un)intentionally undermine one of the few things that draw people to Katsuki’s character: his character development.

On his own, Katsuki is an prodigious, antisocial and angry teen looking for fame and fortune in the industry who grows into a dedicated source of confidence and understanding as he finally allows himself to branch beyond his initial handicaps. If you insist that Katsuki always had the awareness and concern he displayed in 284’s flashback, what do you get instead?

A selfish, self-centered, fickle, emotionally-constipated asshole whose growth is more comparable to a ramp instead of a mountain.

...not as impressive, is it?

While I’m pretty sure this is just a minor trend, that doesn’t excuse the lack of care it demonstrates. If you aren’t willing to admit and live with the fact that Day 1 Katsuki is the worst of the worst and that he did progressively get better through trials and tribulation, why bother? When you insist a character like Katsuki was fine from the start, you take away part of what makes that character so endearing. If they were never an ass to begin with, then what the hell was their problem at the start, or even now? Why the hell would we condone that? It’s important to recognize character flaws and to give them their due, because seeing a character grown out of them is far more self-fulfilling and relatable than insisting that they were always in the right place from the start.

...but then again, that’s just me. Thanks for reading.

-Crimson Lion (20 September 2020)