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#but programming is so fun its like even the hw assignments are enjoyable
oflgtfol · 4 years
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me: hm im in the last stretch of my linear algebra hw, perhaps listening to The Wheel Is Turning Now by Everything Everything will help get my brain working like how it always helped me when programming
me: *starts this song* *cries*
#summer 2020 was fucked up but lowkey im glad i did take those comp sci classes bc like#on one hand ive been doing schoolwork with no break since like.... late january of this year LMFAO#no substantial break at least#but on the other hand i think this summer would've legit just been a black hole in my mind#it already kind of is except for like the few times i was able to hang out with my friends#the rest of the summer is already kind of a blur#but i think if i legit just spent it wallowing in my bedroom doing absolutely nothing productive then it wouldve been worse? lol#like i may not remember anything specific beyond those like.. 5 total days where i hung out with my friends#but i at least like. have memories? gneeral memories of my daily routine?#the days blurred together but i at least remember how my day generally went?#so now listening to this song its like oh man it just reminds me of those comp sci classes and like#yeah they got me thru the summer in terms of mental health but also like . they were also just like. enjoyable overall? LOL#like i rlly hope i can get into the CS class i want next semester bc omg i miss those programming hws LOL...#LIKE HONESTLY IVE NEVER HAD FUN DOING HW EVEN IN CLASSES I ENJOY . ITS ALWAYS JUST HW#but programming is so fun its like even the hw assignments are enjoyable#MAN I MISS BUSTING OPEN THAT WEEK'S PYTHON ASSIGNMENT AND DOING IT IN A SOLID 2 HRS#AND LISTENING TO THE WHEEL IS TURNING NOW DURING IT DX#blows a kiss to google colab... for my python hw assignments </3#now im doing hw daily and for what? its just suffering#and i have so much fun programming even when i cant get it to work and it makes me wanna tear my hair out?#like even then in the long run its still fun LOL#except for the mpl assignments those were tedious as fuck#for my java class im mostly reminiscing over the ACTUAL hw assignments which involved us working in eclipse LOL#UGH I MISS ECLIPSE TOO DX#AND SEE LIKE I ENJOY PROGRAMMING BUT I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO LIKE DO MY OWN PROJECTS?#brot posts
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dreamy-stars · 5 years
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1/1/20
holy shit i haven’t spilled any thoughts in so long! i’ve changed so much! and i’m happier now. it’s a new decade! i have so much to say
2019 was a great year as i actually did things that would have made me uncomfortable. spring semester of 2019 was a shitshow i think i dropped a class and only took three. dropped diff eq with the bald guy and i remember sitting in class no thoughts head empty and trying not to cry. and then going to some tables on campus and calling mom and bawling and apologizing. somehow i got through the semester after crying over tests and assignments. OH i started lifting weights and working out and i love it. i love being strong. being healthy is something i’ve always wanted to work towards and the women on weights program was so enjoyable. i was trying to get rly toned to look good for the nct concert actually. unfortunately i haven’t worked out much since it ended :( hoping to get back into the gym once the semester starts again. i wanna be RIPPED for summer 2020 >:)
working at sweet hut was a great experience as i was able to learn more about myself and add to my resume! i actually learn pretty fast and even though i messed up a handful of times i just want to give myself some credit hehe. i liked making new friends there, as well as bonding with my cousin more. before, i would be a bit afraid of the long silences, but now we talk about whatever and never shut up <3 working a customer service job made me appreciate the fact that i am still working towards a degree. i don’t think i could do that for an extended period. my feet hurt every day and my hands were so dry and getting blisters like crazy. ofc night shift is crazy but i loved getting tons of tips each night. We Live In A Society. i think i became more confident in small talk? idk being on the register made me better but i didn’t even do it much. i also value customer service and tipping much more i always try to tip when i can. anyway i miss making drinks and burning the sugar on the creme brule. 
after working i became more motivated to work hard in fall semester. for this semester i picked two classes to be on the other campus so i could see if i could actually talk to ppl. it wasn’t that much of a change but ppl are much more open to talking in the first week i guess. i’m gonna miss that. joining vsa was the best decision this year i think. it took some courage to talk to ppl first but working at SH helped me ton. because of that i made friends outside of class isn’t that wild? too bad it’s on the other campus bc i would go more often. i think my schedule might not work with vsa next semester idk :/ i went to my first College Party this year which was so much fun! i was nervous bc i only knew like three ppl but just mingle-ing is fun when ur buzzed. i think my tolerance is pretty high idk how many shots i took :| anyway hanging out with new friends i made makes me happy. definitely a highlight of this year! also school went better than before!!! my grades are not the best but i know i put in work so i think it’s okay. also i need to stop relying on chegg so much LMAO...commuting was harsh on me and took up SOOO much time. i only skipped class a couple times (mainly bc i was sick) so i’m proud. didn’t take classes on other campus this semester bc i’m lazy and would rather spend time studying in the library nearby. 
love life is sad still. chemistry is SO important. i think through text is just as important as irl. i went on a date with this guy that was a boring and unfunny texter and was like lemme give it a shot maybe its diff irl. it was alright but so....boring like no flirting like....    also he was younger and i hate younger guys...feeling like a hag... anyway this semester im hoping to go on a date with a girl instead. i thought i had a crush on oomf but it was like for a week. idk if it would ever happen but i rly like his personality and humor. 2020 pls let me have a lover im bored lemme emotionally depend on someone
stanning bts is getting so hard tbh. i can barely keep up with content from LAST YEAR. so much happens. i only go on ig like twice a day and i go to like ten ppl’s twt i dont even scroll down the tl bc it overwhelms me LOL. just looking at bts overwhelms me like i feel anxious sometimes? bc i’m missing out on stuff...idk how to explain it but i think the mama speech from 2018 made me...humble? less focused? on them? like i don’t wanna be so attached and when the day comes that they d*sband i lose my mind. bc i was so devastated that day. kinda made me chill out. being busy with school and work also made it hard to focus on them. guess i really am growing up..but also i became so obsessed with nct i love the nct daily channel LMAO feels like i’m cheating but their content is easy to digest and i don’t get so emotionally invested i guess. when i watch bts i sit there and FOCUS and give them my full attention. nct is for after hw and just to chill. do i make sense? but as i’m on break and watching bts performances and run episodes, i realize how much i missed watching them. i love them so much still and always will! sometimes it shocks me how huge they are. like you can’t compare them to anyone now. they are the highest achieving group i think. PERIODT fjlajajhka thinking back to when they were smaller and i told myself i would support them no matter what and i didn’t care if they didn’t get big like i genuinely loved them and now they are loved worldwide like....my babies.....<3 uwu...it’s crazy how much they’ve achieved in 6 years. i’m so happy for them.
also shinee’s whole discography is on spotify now! i was listening to it the other day and CRYING like a baby. i miss jjong so much especially his voice. i remember being 11/12 and spending hours watching the shows they were on i really miss stanning them. their music brings back so many feelings. ugh so good.
my mental health has been pretty good this year i didn’t cry much and the source of my stress and sadness is always school. fall semester was pretty good. i learned recently that i get jealous over ppl only a little though. it just passes by in thought but i don’t voice it to anyone bc it’s stupid LMAO. i don’t think the jealousy is that bad just minor.
2019 was a great year. i never really noticed the changes and growth i experienced but it was really apparent this year and i’m glad i am evolving :) my goal for this year is to get fit and be more comfortable in the gym, gain experience in my field through joining clubs, and be even more social (also be better at driving hehe) i’m very thankful for those around me and i hope to be closer to friends in 2020. looking forward to going to vn in the summer!
let’s have a great 2020 jen! ♡
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