#but that's a claim that i have personally seen refuted by someone with a WHOLE DEGREE in victorian literature

[kazz-brekker]

i'm glad the todd in the shadows video debunked james somerton's analysis of the 1992 dracula movie being faithful to the original book as total bullshit because while reading dracula in my victorian literature class in college, despite the fact that no one there had actually seen the movie, my professor gave us an impromptu rant about how much she hates that movie for adding the mina/dracula romance and removing all the homoerotic subtext. so the idea that someone pitching himself as a queer video essay youtuber was making that claim is personally very aggravating to me.

[yuellii]

in the eyes of divine punishment

𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 they devoted their life to a system you came to betray

feat. neuvillette, clorinde, childe ( separately )

note. reader’s gender unspecified, angst

NEUVILLETTE.

The people of Fontaine have never seen a downpour quite like this one, just as the reserved seats of the court have never seen the Chief Justice Neuvillette act so irrationally like today.

To deter every piece of evidence, to dismiss any accurate claims—they marked the words and actions of a manipulator he did not even intend to be. And yet, it was all so rational to him. To his own justified, lawful senses, you were completely innocent. You did not deserve this baseless conviction that sent you to trial, and you were certainly not guilty.

But when you could not even hold valid evidence to defend yourself, his constant dismissal of your prosecutor began to look so obviously biased.

“Wahh, I’ve never seen the Chief Justice act like this before!”

“I know right?! What a show!”

A show? To all these people, his lover being convicted of a crime ( one that he was so sure you did not commit ) was still a show to them? The anguish he was feeling just seeing you on the stand below him was still a show?

And throughout this whole ‘show’, even as you were swearing truth, you did not look him in the eyes even once. This was so obvious to not only the spectators, but even the Hydro Archon herself that this lack of eye contact was a sign of guilt—a sign that you could not even look the Monsieur in his eyes out of shame for what you committed.

But even so, even after all these signs pointing at your full fault, he was still in denial.

“Pardon my rudeness, Monsieur,” the prosecutor called to him, clearly frustrated much like the rest of the courtroom was, “but I’ve given my whole case and I have clearly refuted all my points now, I think it’s time for the verdict.”

Neuvillette cleared his throat. “It is not over until I say it is,” he glared at the man. “I do not believe there is sufficient enough evidence to—”

“No, no, I think you’ve dragged this out long enough,” Furina yawned. The Chief Justice paused, looking up to see the Archon sitting in boredom with her head resting atop her hand. “Don’t you hear the people, Neuvillette?” she raised her voice, almost as if calling upon the audience in hopes they would agree with her. And for once, the Monsieur feels this is the most frustrated he has even been with her. He may not forgive her this time for the childishness of her deeds; A childishness that will send his love into injustice.

“It’s time for the verdict,” Furina announced, “even though it may not be an outcome you will enjoy.” She sat upwards, looking at the Chief Justice straight in the eyes. “But the Oratrice… The Oratrice is never wrong.”

“So be it,” Neuvillette declared through gritted teeth. And as the blue light circled the courtroom, he spoke as the secondary judge, “I rule the defendant… Not guilty.” His verdict left his lips like a plea, all in sweet, desperate denial.

But the Oratrice Mecanique told otherwise.

Guilty.

Thunderstorms began to cloud across Fontaine.

CLORINDE.

“You aren’t worried about the murder conviction?” Navia questioned, eyes searching all across Clorinde’s face for any signs of distress or any look that pleaded for help.

The Champion Duelist simply replied, “Not at all.” Navia was surprised, to say the least, that it felt like her afternoon tea companion here could not care any less about the charges being pressed against you. “I know the trial will go smoothly,” Clorinde explained. “I was there personally to witness the events of what actually happened.”

“Oh!” Navia realized, suddenly feeling a bit guilty that she assumed anything otherwise. “Well that changes everything! Guess you don’t need my help, then.”

Clorinde only nodded. It was as simple as that: You would never murder someone. She knew it, you knew it, Navia knew it, everyone who was going to watch this trial probably knew it, too. These faulty charges against you were nothing but arrogant misunderstandings from the other party, and it was already foreseen that you were likely to win.

So now, why were you here, standing before the court, calling for a duel to prove your innocence instead of a trial?

“I object!”

“Clorinde, please do not disrupt the process of the proceedings.”

“But Monsieur—”

“By laws of the court,” Neuvillette commands, “This duel is allowed to take place.”

And time was a blur until the moment she stood in front of you in battle. She took pride in being a Champion Duelist, she really did—and you knew of such pride. But this was the first time she truly felt like an animal in a cage, as if she was a lion only tamed by the Gods to kill flesh and blood.

This felt like the ring of a gladiator where you were sentenced to death, only difference being it was against the blade of your lover’s sword. And such a sword was one that you had touched before, one that you had held with open ears as she told you countless of stories of her duels. Of her executions, of her devotion to justice and honor—and now those same ideals would be clashing down on your bloody shoulders.

“You can surrender now,” she practically pleaded, watching as you fell to your knees. She felt sick, knowing she had to perform under the eyes of the Gods. And she was just about ready to throw up from the way the citizens of Fontaine cheered at her like this was some show. She didn’t want to hear this cheering, like it was a good thing she was forcing herself to fight you. “Please, please just surrender now.”

But her heart hurt the longer you continued to pick yourself up from the dirt, prepared to die by her hands.

CHILDE.

“And then?” you smiled, absentmindedly tracing the veins at the back of his hand with your finger.

“And then, we’ll start a family together.” He sounded so excited, much in a way that he has every step of his future with you all figured out. There was a certain type of innocence that lingered in his voice when he spoke like this.

You laughed through your ever-growing grin, looking at him, “A family?” It sounded incredulous. “With me, an orphan of the wretched House of Hearth?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed. That was when he took the moment to close his eyes and press his forehead against yours, beginning to whisper the sweet promises of a future life together. And in this position, you could not see the reflection of death in his eyes, nor the ghost of bloodstains under his fingernails. Here, he was no fatuus, he was your lover.

Those were things Ajax selfishly ignored then, and ignored even now when it was too late.

Perhaps he forgot the true meaning of being a fatuus, because he chose to ignore the possibility that his only stability would be threatened by the very God he pledged his devoted allegiance to. The very God that no longer believed in love.

And now, here he stood in her divinity, the floor of ice below his shoes feeling colder than he remembered. Beside him stood the Knave, whom he kept glancing at, for he wished that she would show just an ounce of emotion in these moments. He clung onto impossibility, such as the beliefs that maybe this meeting wasn not real, and maybe the Tsaritsa was lying about you being a traitor.

He wanted to deny it all, even after he knew very well just how much you despised being tied to the House of Hearth. You hated being a fatuus all this time, yet continued to love a Harbinger like him—and your love was perhaps what blind-sighted him. Your love was so warm and welcoming, much unlike the cold bite of “love” his God gave.

“Arlecchino.” He spat her name out darkly once the doors closed behind them. “Let us forgo this mission.”

“Oh?” she almost grinned. A smile that never quite reached her eyes—one that looked like the smirk of a maniac. “So our target means something to you?”

“I will do anything you ask of me just to keep this person alive,” he promised, still attempting to hide just how important you were to him. But that demeaning upturn of amusement in her lips made him more and more desperate. “Please, I mean anything. Just don’t kill—”

“I take traitors of my orphanage very seriously, you know,” she smiled, looking down to inspect her glove so nonchalantly as if the tiny dust that laid atop it was more interesting than her fellow Harbinger’s pleading. “Punishment has always been the system I ran,” she said as she began to turn away. “And, it’s always been the system Her Beloved Majesty preferred.”

The door shut, and he was on his feet in an instant. He had to get to you—he had to finally realize that his own peer and his own trusted God showed no mercy to you. Even if you were his family, even if you were his light; Snezhnaya did not let go of traitors. Ajax learned to love you above and beyond the organization he pledged his life to, but he was also foolish enough to think they would never threaten you.

But as he stood here now, seeing your eyes wide open as you laid in your own blood, he felt that your fingertips were already as cold as the Tsaritsa’s love.

[skrrtscree]

P3M MAKOTO YUKI MISCONCEPTIONS

To be honest, it kind of annoys me when people watch the persona 3 movies and come away with it with the wrong idea of what Makotos character is in them. I don't mean the people who don't like the movies or their portrayal of him. It's fine if you don't, btw. Media is subjective, and different people will take away different things from the same thing, but I feel like some people end up completely missing the mark and mischaractizing that version of him.

For all the odd choices the p3 movies make, I'm adamant that his character and his arc is the best part about them, so it kind of urks me when i see tharpeople take away from it is that 'he's emotionless and devoid of personality' or 'a complete asshole who doesn't care about anything' both of which is untrue in all the films.

CW: blood in one of the images (the car accident scene, it just shows the hand but still)

First of all, the whole him being 'rude and uncaring' thing; To be honest, nothing he says strikes me as rude, it all comes off as blunt and not fitting the situation (him asking if they can leave during the hospital scene, and his answer seemingly having no sympathy when they talk to Natsuki). Of course to those who don't know him that well, he comes off as cold especially since his facial expression or tone barely change.

And the uncaring bit continues to get debunked through every film. Even in the first film, where he's closed himself off and doesn't care about living. He awakens to his persona to protect Yukari, he helps Fuuka collect her stuff twice despite not knowing her and even listens to her talk about Natsuki, he summons a different persona and throws himself at the Priestess to save Junpei. He goes against what he was told to do and goes straight into Tartarus because of the fear that his team will die if he doesn't.

It's made clear in the first movie that despite avoiding connections with people, he still can't let people die, deep down he cares about those around him getting hurt and wants to prevent that. It seems to heavily be rooted by his PTSD of the accident, him getting flashbacks to it in both the second and third full moon at the thought of someone dying. He's willing to throw himself in danger, not giving up even if he gets hurt or could exhaust himself, he has no care about his life, but he still cares about those around him.

The only claim I could see holding weight is the 'no personality' part but that's mainly because he spends half of the first film following orders from other people, but that itself can be seen as part of him, he doesn't have any direction or any care about his life so he follows what everyone tells and wants from him. He fights because he was told hed make a great asset to the team, he stays behind because him going would make Yukari mad, he has no reason not to listen or any argument to refute it, and this is dismantled near the end where he refuses to listen when they tell him to run because he can't let anyone die.

This is all I've gathered from the first movie still, I could carry on for all of them (and there is alot to talk about in each one in regards to his character) but I think I've made my point. Not only does they continue to prove those points incorrect, his character continues to evolve with the events around him.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to write or portray makoto. The movies are not the be- all-all-end all of his characterization, but when you're talking about or writing that specific version of him, just don't end up writing him in a way that completely contradicts what the film shows.

[chaoskirin]

What AI Art is NOT

I keep seeing people refuting points from REAL ACTUAL ARTISTS using these talking points. So here’s a sort of FAQ of what I’ve seen.

Q: Isn’t AI Art is just a tool?

A: Tools include grids, perspective lines, rulers, apps like Sketch Up which place assets that are pre-designed and cannot be altered, et cetera. Tools are NOT: apps that draw the whole picture for you. If AI datasets were tools, then artists would also be tools. Artists aren’t tools. 

Q: AI Art isn’t stealing art. It’s just like a collage. 

A: I really want you to think about what a collage is versus the kind of art an AI dataset spits out. Are those things the same? Collages are derivative and generally fall under parody law, so long as the person creating them isn’t taking credit for the parts of the collage they didn’t photograph or draw. You cannot sell a collage of other peoples’ work without express written permission from those people. The elements of a collage are each separate and identifiable as such.

AI art is not a collage. The elements of an AI art piece are not separate and identifiable. They are combined into one single piece, where each piece cannot specifically be traced. AI art does not fit the definition of a derivative or parody work. 

Q: If someone puts their art on the internet, it’s fair game. 

A: Copyright law specifically disagrees with you on this point. 

Q: If it’s not a collage and one can’t see the pieces of the art, doesn’t that make it an original work, and therefore, it’s not theft? 

A: AI isn’t generating a new image. It’s taking pieces from many originals and “claiming” to make a new original piece. However, AI cannot generate these things without knowing what they are (IE skimming tags and allowing users to tell the AI what’s in the picture) Without the input of original artists, an AI would not be able to create anything, which is why most datasets include millions of pieces of art “scraped” (AKA stolen) from the internet. Currently, these pieces AI makes are being sold, and the owners of the datasets are charging for their use. This means that people who did not actually create the art are being paid, whereas the original artists are not. 

Q: AI art can’t replace real artists. You’re fearmongering. 

A: AI art has already replaced real artists. Shortly after Kim Jung Ji died, someone fed all his artwork into a dataset and “created” several new pieces that were almost identical to his style. Cosmopolitan magazine released a cover “drawn” by an AI and blatantly stated on the cover “and it only took 20 seconds to make.” A magazine article in The Atlantic used AI art to generate a photo of Alex Jones surrounded by papers. Someone submitted AI generated art to an art contest and won. Several anecdotal stories (not verified, but reliable) on Twitter state that small companies have fired their graphic designers or cut their work force. Commissioned artists have reported dropping sales numbers. 

Corporations (and most people) will ALWAYS favor a cheaper option. If it’s good enough, it’s usable. The Cosmo magazine cover and the article header image were TERRIBLE, and they still went to print. Everyone should know by now that corporations will ALWAYS screw people over when they’re able to. If AI art becomes acceptable and commonplace, in-house artists will be replaced. This isn’t theoretical. It is already happening. 

Q: It’s going to happen anyway. You can either embrace it or reject it. (Yes, this is real. Someone actually said this to me.) 

A: Yes... Exactly. I’m rejecting it. Without laws to protect artists, I will fight AI art whenever and wherever I can. It might be fun and convenient for you, a non-artist, but it is terrifying and heartbreaking for artists. Websites like Deviantart and Clip Studio Paint who said “well it’s going to happen anyway” should have been the first line of defense against the creep of AI art, but they failed. It can only take over if people let it. Stop letting it.

[draconixiaa]

dream's mask and symbolism

recently (or rather, some time ago, at this point) i saw a post on the symbolism over dreams mask but i felt awkward just putting my own opinions on a reblog so my spiel will appear here:

the purpose of a mask is to hide and/protect someone's face, whether it be about identity, physical image, or safety during a pandemic. thus, a person using a mask has something to protect: usually one of the three aforementioned concepts.

the mask: whole

cdream, his skin, obviously does not have a mask, but the characterization of him having a mask originates from cc!dream's facelessness. the popularity of that concept made it so that it is popularly accepted that cdream dons a mask wherever he goes, and the fact that his skin does not change much throughout the majority of the server also helps in the wide acceptance of this theme.

therefore, we establish that cdream wears a mask throughout the majority of the dsmp, up to ctommy unmasking dream during his disc confrontation and cquackity doing the same in prison, and then also after the prison arc until the very final lore stream.

physical image

cdream hiding his face means that he has something to hide & protect, and in literal terms, this would be his physical image. when someone wears a full face mask, no one would be able to know what they truly look like, and this gives them an element of mysteriousness, and in cdream's case with the simplicity of his mask, allows him to be even more terrifying. this also leads to my second point: by hiding his physical image, no one would be able to see how his appearance changes over the course of the storyline.

characterization

cdream's character changes drastically throughout the storyline of not just the disc saga but also with l'manburg/manburg/pogtopia/etc and the prison arc. he begins with pure intentions, ends with the same intentions, but all throughout, his method of reaching his ultimate goal changes: from manipulation, to war, destruction, and self-sacrifice, etc, etc. he becomes more and more desperate, more and more willing to do whatever he can to achieve his goal. he also initially refutes that he is a villain, but then changes to embrace that role more and more.

meanwhile, cdream is wearing a mask. his physical appearance does not change much; people are able to keep on easily believing that cdream is a powerful and ruthless character without much emotions. oh right, masks also hides someone's faces. literally and figuratively, as he further embraces his role as a villain, cdream dons a physical mask and a verbal one to distance himself from the server to be seen as such an evil character.

this image of a powerful and evil character is what the masks does for cdream. he (or this image of him) is everlasting, almost like a higher being, and a malicious one at that.

characterization II

but, in all truth, cdream is very vulnerable. for as much as he claims that he has destroyed his attachments, these very feelings of protection and homeliness are what drives him to do what he says and does, especially as revealed during the dsmp finale. he changes so much behind that mask.

the mask: destroyed

as mentioned above, this occurs arguably on two occasions: the disc confrontation or also in prison. both have similar but also different implications.

disc confrontation

it is at this finale that ctommy gets his moment; he shines by breaking away cdream's protective shell and getting his rightful vengeance by killing him twice before sending him to prison. he pressures cdream with the presence of the server to take off all of his armor, and proceeds to kill him. for some fans, the armor represents cdream's mask-- particularly the helmet-- since he is always seen with his armor on in the server. as is with almost every other pvp-oriented person on the server, but ive digressed. taking off the armor is part of taking off that which is hiding what is inside cdream: his physical body, and his well-being. perhaps in the scene where he is compelled to throw his armor into the hole is part of him letting go of his image of a tyrant, but personally, i'd disagree, since the disc confrontation was all planned and organized by cdream; the armor, perhaps, is just the first layer.

the confrontation was all supposed to be under control-- his control. the armor and hole scene, cdream probably would've predicted; he went along with ctommys commands without much resistance, and honestly, this moment is just as symbolic to ctommy as cdream. just as cdream is pretending to let go of his image, or his powerful image is forcefully shoved off of him: ctommy is doing to cdream what he did to ctommy. this is the retribution of the golden rule: treat others how you'd want them to treat you. just as how cdream stripped ctommy bare of all his friends and protection in exile, thus also ctommy to cdream of his items and the power that he held from having them, including both the advantage in pvp and his frightening image. dream probably knew this was going to happen, since thats what you do when you want to kill someone. but, after the armor and the hole scene, ctommy kills cdream-- once, which was alright, fine, he also knew this was going to happen, and then twice. by the time he came back after his first death, cdream was screaming for mercy.

the cdream deaths are also widely interpreted as him losing his mask. or at the very least, it cracks. maybe ctommy was merciful enough to leave the last bit on, or maybe it was all shaken off as cdream begged and pleaded to be let to live-- and then the reveal of the revive book in his hands. but before that, when cdream was being killed: this is the physical shaking off of his very precious lives, the two extra chances he has at living, something preciously irreplaceable. thus, cdream realizes that the situation is spiraling out of control. he has to time this very well, between satisfying ctommy's anger and the reveal of the revive book, as well as his life. this is a gamble on his life. at that moment, cdream is showing his own true desperation, freed from his mask out of fear of death, freed from his mask by ctommy (the very person he sought to control, and the very person seeking to destroy him). look at the irony!

prison & cquackity

perhaps the mask also represents the control the cdream believes that he has over his surroundings. in the prison, cdream is either maskless (going with the above scenario), or half-masked (for cquackity to finish destroying).

either way, cdream's maskless-ness represents how he has no protection, no outer image, nil, none. this protection manifests itself in cdreams mind as the perceived control he has over situations because of the image he believes he has created for himself, because with this villainy, he can control the movements and actions of others. in the prison, though, when he is fully unmasked, he is all open for his visitors to see and tear open and look for themselves: who cdream truly is. maybe this is a good thing, that people will be able to see his true self-- not a villain, but a man with hopes and dreams. thus, when cquackity comes around, what he does is tear cdream, already unmasked, further apart. there is no more armor to protect him, and inside the prison, all thats left of cdream is his real body, and his real mind. and by real i mean unmasked, and not faked.

i like the other interpretation better though: that cdream goes into the prison half-masked. he still has a semblance of control, because he has punz, and technoblade, right? he planned for himself to go to prison... but what he didn't plan for was cquackity's deal with the warden. this is when he loses the rest of his mask, because this is when he loses complete control over not just the situation, but what happens to his own body, and he also can no longer influence other people, because he has no more power. he's being starved, tortured, and confined in a box with no escape nor contact with anything outside the prison; when cquackity comes, csam shuts down the ability for anyone else other than cquackity to visit cdream. so this, the point when he loses the rest of his physical mask is the same as the point when loses the rest of anything, any thing else that he could possibly have control over.

the mask: re-made

after prison, what does cdream do?

cdream gets his armor again, and he puts his mask back on. this mask physically and symbolically hides the effects of the prison on his being: the scars of both the body and the mind. he goes back to being powerful, being a big bad end-game boss, hiding in his mighty prison of which no longer traps him but is his safe place (a whole analysis post on the prison can be made holy) but also to others, the evil villain's lair... cdream resumes his status quo from before the prison. but, he is Not Alright underneath the mask-- but who can tell? who would want to tell, and try to see underneath the mask?

because on the server, there aren't many people who are willing to uncover the mask that cdream has laid over himself, the act that he puts on to be a villain in order to achieve his goals. part of the reason why cdream's 'mask' never gets 'taken off' is because no one cares enough about the true him-- and funnily enough, the only four/five people on the server are: cpunz, ctechnoblade, ctommy, and cquackity. and chbomb lmao. but thats besides the point: half of the people care about his "true self" because they are friends and close allies, while the other half want to reveal it to be able to hurt and destroy him. everyone else only think too shallowly about him: to them, cdream is an evil character harboring evil intentions, and thus the reasons behind said intentions are also similarly evil-- because they need a face to despise.

but its important to note that it isnt just cdream aiming to make himself a villain; it is everyone else as much as he. it's like a negative feedback loop, and i also want to point out that it was all started by cwilbur, who was the first to antagonize cdream as a major villain.

so, both during and after the prison, this feedback loop is why the villainous image of cdream persists. during the disc confrontation, all that happened was that the people were shown that cdream is not strong but weak. yet, just because he's now weak and defeated doesn't mean that the shadow of his villainy won't haunt him or the other uninvolved server members.

the mask: the end

at the very last stream, what is known as the dsmp finale between cdream and ctommy: something shifts. at the very end of the stream, after they argue and argue and argue, trying to get the moral upper hand, tommy trying to gain sympathy, displaying to the world all their differences and oppositions as if they can never, ever agree... ctommy gets killed in the heat of the argument. he gets revived. and he undergoes a revelation.

here, ctommy is very crucial to the moment because he gets dream to take off his helmet, which, in that moment, likely represents cdream's mask. because it is only after that moment that cdream starts talking about the real reasons why he's doing stuff, that he wants everyone to be a happy family, just like how he did privately to punz on the night after the butcher army. here, cdream starts being genuine; he asks: "is it not too late?" to his greatest nemesis.

here, the mask represents all the false narratives that he put forth, and perhaps all the sins that came along with them, and it reveals him: he who did evil for the sake of good, he who sold his soul for the world, he who told his friends, showed his friends, that he is evil-- for the sake of all of his friends and their friendship. it reveals him, as a man, his true face and physical appearance, taking off a bit of the armor that protects him.

this moment where cdream takes off his mask and starts asking if its possible for change is a culmination of cdream and ctommy's character: mutual understanding and hope.

the mask is like a wall that prevents cdream from seeing eye-to-eye with anyone, from reaching mutual understanding from anyone (except for cpunz ig, who supports him no matter how evil he is). by getting cdream to taking off the mask, he gets cdream to reveal the truth, but also understand that there is hope for the future. a better future.

(we dont talk about the nuke)

cdream personally taking off his mask during this time also directly contrasts with how ctommy and cquackity forcibly takes it off of him. there, they are removing the illusion of control cdream has-- to the people of dsmp, and then to cdream himself; yet, despite having everything taken away from him, he still holds close to his heart his ultimate goals. but, at the nuke finale, it is cdream deciding to reveal his thoughts and feelings himself, and this is crucial to his character's growth. even with all his armor on and cpunz is with him, he takes off his mask, his emotional barrier of sorts, to be able to tell the truth: his truth.

Conclusion

cdream's mask has been crucial to his characterization throughout the different arcs and storylines. while in physical depictions, it is an object that hides and protects one's physical appearance, it also affects the image of his character by providing an element of mystery and notoriety.

through the disc confrontation with ctommy and the torture cdream experienced by the hands of cquackity and csam, we can see them forcibly remove cdream's mask and do away with whatever semblance of power and control cdream has-- both over the people of the server, as well as cdream himself.

when cdream returns from the prison, it's as if nothing had changed; this is because of how established his image already is, and this emphasizes his loneliness (with the exception of cpunz) and continues to cast shadows on the rest of the smp.

finally, in the dsmp nuke finale, cdream ultimately decides to take of his mask on his own and reveals his intentions, displaying strong character development and hope.

tldr: the mask protects cdream, assists in his spiral to evil, and is also a tool used to represent changes in his characterization and his situation.

[twofacedtrickery]

I will not be discussing his merit as a romantic partner, as I have expressed these things on multiple occasions, often enough that anyone who claims to have enough first-hand knowledge of the Professor to make an informed assessment is very likely to have seen these statements at least once, and rendering it redundant to go over again.

A criticism that has come up on more than one occasion is the perception that he has a god complex and that he elects to take such accusations as an unintentional compliment instead of taking them as insults. The basis of the accusations is often the fact that he has designs to reshape the world and change what is considered normalcy, flying in the face of the desires and beliefs of said detractors. Given that his goals for this future are those of benefiting the many, there is no real reason for him to react to these statements as though they have merit. He views these as indicative of the merit inherent to his goals, and that he has merit as someone who is capable of enacting such changes. That is all that means to him. I cannot speak on how he navigates from point A to point B internally, as I am not him and do not have access to his innermost thoughts, but that is what he has communicated to me. This is not nearly the indictment it has been treated as by many.

There have been criticisms leveled at him by claiming he has ruined those he has spoken to and swayed. That is harder to refute with facts, only because the perception someone else has of what is best for someone is going to vary wildly, but anyone I have direct experience with ultimately conveys feeling much more positively in general after having learned from him. Make of that what you will.

He is a convincing man, and while early on, some made statements that seemingly implied that his ability to convince others of the merit of his vision was somehow proximity-based, I do not believe anyone remains convinced of that possibility. The unwavering faith he has in his convictions is the main driving force behind his ability to convince others, and that is largely because he is well-intentioned, and can illustrate that very well when given the opportunity to do so with an audience that is willing to be receptive to what he actually says as opposed to reading into everything to find hidden meanings to support what they want to believe that he says.

The fact of the matter is that he wants to make the world at large a broadly more welcoming space to its denizens, and in pursuit of that, he helps those around him find meaning and purpose in their own lives while benefiting the whole.

He cares deeply for those he has elected to guide along their life paths, and he has an abiding love for what the world could be.

All of these things are true, and consistently displayed by him and his, but if one is unwilling to look at anything but more minor things that may go less ideally than planned, they end up unable to see the big picture. I don't expect this to make a dent of difference in the opinions of those who find themselves too stubbornly married to a view of him informed by things they were told before ever getting the chance to speak to him directly, and I have no confirmation of any other type of person being reachable by my words. I have little confidence in such people being around, in fact. I still find it imperative to try, as I would be a terrible partner if I knew such audacious misinterpretations were still running rampant and did nothing within my limited power to combat them, however futile such efforts may be.

[falling-drops-of-ichor]

After a lot of recent encounters with people saying one of a number of actively harmful things, I feel like it's about time I sit down and chat. I am doing this through the exacerbated brainfog of a fever so this post may be edited for clarity or to make it more concise in the future.

"Source is everything that exists, and there is nothing to command or have power over - you can only have power WITH as everything plays out how it's wanted. The creator expressed itself through it's creations." [This person also tried to convince me that I wanted to be disabled when I incarnated: "You actually have it exactly how you want it."]

As a mostly hard polytheist (I believe some deities may share faces but ultimately believe each deity is an independent entity) the notion of a singular self-expressing source is completely out of line with my beliefs and experiences. You look at the number of ways someone can exist, whether that's method of incarnation or energetic typing or soul species (dragon/demon/etc), and that alone is why I refute a universal source. This person also believes in densities of consciousness, and the fact he couldn't even properly answer my questions about the variation in sentience and sapience in non-human animals even on earth speaks for me on how stupid that idea is. Especially by pinning angels up at the 13th density, while the highest example he gave for anything else was 6th. The whole thing just reeks of new age bullshit and probably could come across ableist if he was slightly less spiritual in his examples.

A different person tried to say the good humans are half alien and half Neanderthal. No real indication of what the others were but I can bet this was ancient astronaut theory in a fresh paint of coat given he was saying the Sumerian pantheon is an alien group, so that was just plain antisemitism. I am an admittedly uneducated gentile, but I hope to keep learning and make an effort to not just seem to hate Nazis (which I do) but to be able to be someone Jews can feel safe around.

Brief note here for the variety bag of other gentiles claiming Lilith has been their guardian since they were a child, etc etc, and how fucking stupid they sound. I've had one admit to me that Jews hate them for it, and he got pretty weird about me agreeing that he's being awful for legitimately believing Lilith is his guardian. (He also thought she is married to Lucifer Morningstar... I don't know enough to comment there but that doesn't sound right.)

This one I haven't personally seen in a while due to carefully curating my communities and Tumblr feed, but a recent discussion on the problem reminding me it's worth adding to this post while it's already long: a belief seeming to surge in popularity into the mainstream that deities don't get angry, can't be offended if you work with them, and won't be harmful intentionally OR on accident. I'm sorry, that's an entire deity, they are substantially threaded into reality itselves. They are huge, and they in my and friends' experiences typically put a nice face on a bit of themselves to talk to you. When my matron, She Who Reads Eulogies, first allowed me to more properly perceive her I almost thought I'd been being duped and just about banished her due to the sheer shock of the intensity and complexity of her presence alone. Hades called me his child and then left without a trace when I was like 16, and I've never so much as felt him since. And that hurt me! That hurt a lot! To have technically both of my fathers abandon me and become cold or abusive was traumatizing! I also have heard stories of deities manipulating people if not outright attacking them. And certain deities won't want to be associated - insisting on working with both of two deities at odds with each other may not end well for you or them. And, predominantly, if you're disrespectful while reaching out I wouldn't expect any beneficial attention in return. Deities are not big people in the sky you can turn into your uwu magic friends that protect you. They can protect you because of the way in which they are powerful enough to do so, and even then - I've seen deities have to turn back due to lines in politics amongst them that they won't cross. Respect what they do for you, and respect their no's... and respect them as beings. I've made awkward offerings and later found out I did it wrong, but I was respectful and acknowledged I might be fumbling so they paid attention regardless.

This is already probably four posts in one, so I'm going to leave this here and if anything else seems worth saying I'll srb or make a new post.

[pooopopop]

I've seen nearly all of J2M's panels, interviews, posts, read articles about them and their own provided works etc. I find them all observationally fascinating and approach trying to understand them and their different life experiences with an open mind and can acknowledge that certain situations aren't always going to equal the whole truth of a famous someone because I will never know them personally and therefore cannot ask directly. Conventions/panels, for instance: they're for entertainment purposes, part humor and sarcasm, part truth. Stories, interactions, are often going to be embellished.

Whilst none of them are perfect — literally no one is! — and of course I don't know them on an intimate, personal level, I still feel very confident in saying that they're inherently good people, based on the conclusions I've reached from my own research. That doesn't mean I'm incapable of scrutinising certain behavior or thinking critically just because I'm not agreeing with your opinions.

I could continue to refute a lot of your points individually by offering a different perspective (and draw attention to where your so-called facts are simply incorrect) but I don't think persisting with circular arguments is a worthwhile use of time. You're entitled to feel differently about these things and clearly have made firm decisions based on the "evidence" you've gathered about Misha in particular. I rest assured knowing your POV is not the majority. ✌️

I mean you’ve been sending me long anons for days already and I’ve gone to the trouble of providing sources for all my claims for *you*, I don’t know why you couldn’t do the same if you’re already invested in talking to me anyways. If there’s individual claims I made that you take issue with because you don’t think they’re credible and I didn’t supply my sources, please be specific, and I’ll provide what I can to show either what I’m referring to or how it brought me to having my opinion. I think people just make excuses and justify questionable behavior in order to keep their attachments to them. Even if you think you’re looking at them critically and from a distance, you’re still fostering a parasocial relationship, and nobody is “inherently good”, least of which are rich celebrities. That doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy them. I enjoy Norm Macdonald, the IASIP cast, and a lot of other people without needing to make sure I’m weighing their every sin and good deed on a scale, in order to keep enjoying them.

The difference is that these people constantly go to conventions and everybody besides J2 is pretty accessible. Misha in particular has gone out of his way to foster this environment where he knows the happenings in the fandom and recognizes fangirls, acknowledges them, responds to them on social media, sometimes meets up with them IRL, and has had things like Gish and his community phone number where he’s been even MORE accessible and uses terms of endearments with everybody. The last part feels especially suspect to me because it proves he’s speaking to an audience of fangirls (and people of whatever adjacent gender who are attracted to men, obviously, but we’ll still refer to them as fangirls for brevity’s sake and because I think calling them “minions” is stupid infighting shit that aligns me with J2ers).

I’m speaking to people on here because tumblr is a historically horny and obsessive fandom space and people are joining this fandom all the time and they are only made aware of whatever the circle jerk tells them first. Not only does it foster a bad relationship with middle aged men that you don’t know, and if you did know then it’s because they met you as someone who is a fan of them, it also fosters a bad community environment. People end up having whole friendship networks that depend on unquestionable loyalty to these men, and a hierarchy is created based on who proves themselves to be more devout; in their determination to defend these men, defend the people that they surround themselves with, defend their beliefs, and their every action big OR small. From Misha supporting ICE, the Clintons, the predatory advice in the threesome’s handbook, to the dumbest little things like how he made a Threads account and positioned it as a better alternative to Twitter. This fandom routinely cannibalizes itself and purges the whistleblowers out.

and I got triggered by that karla gif set the other day lol. SailorSally joined the fandom after November 5th and knows nothing but praise for the man, and while I didn’t send those anons to her I can sympathize with them. The cockles fandom can be the worst sometimes because they really push the narrative that he’s queer (and gay for jensen) because they think it’s a testament to his character and therefore it discredits a lot of the shit I’m complaining about. Even if they’re not tinhatters, then they think it positions Misha’s virtues above Jensen, because I guess he’s supposed to be like a bullied gay kid who is still so loving and affectionate in the face of Jensen’s Toxic Masculinity and Homophobia, or something, despite Jensen having gay gossip rags and magazines profiling him as a closeted cutie for way longer with a lot more persistence. Tbh

[leonscape]

Ikemen Prince AU Series

Part 7, Leon Dompteur. Chapter 7, “Turning Point.”

Going separate ways for a brighter future.

CW: Use of strong language 

Word count: 2220 | Masterlist

Vincent was too angry to speak as they traveled home. He decided it was best if they both went home and got some rest before talking about it. But neither of them slept a wink. Vincent was too upset, feeling betrayed while Irene was too sad, feeling so heartbroken.

Early the next morning, Irene visited Vincent. He sat at his desk in his study, both arms propped up on the arm rests of his chair as his hands folded together. Irene stood before him in shame and guilt. It was the first time she’s seen him in a silent anger. 

“Do you really think I'm a fool?” Vincent asked. “How naïve do you think I am?”

“Nothing happened between us,” she claimed. 

Vincent scoffed, “When a man finds his fiancée hugging another man, what is he supposed to think? Paired with what Prince Clavis was saying, how could you still stand there and say nothing happened?” Irene didn’t answer, defeated in silence. “What about the promise? I’ve taught you everything you needed to know. I’ve kept the secret from my parents. I did everything to keep you here so you could enjoy a comfortable life of privilege.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll do better,” she said. 

“Do you even know what people are saying about us right now? They think you’re a lecherous whore, looking to climb the social ladder.”

“Whore?” her jaw clenched. “Is that what other people think, or is that what you think?”

“They are not my words. I overheard them the other night,” he said.

Her fists were clenched, but she tried to calm herself down through deep breaths. “Sure, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”

“I would never call you that!” Vincent snapped, standing up in the process. His chair made an uncomfortable screech against the floor before falling over. “I would never call you that, because Irene would not be doing this. She would be putting her priorities first. Not sneaking around with some other man in secret.”

“So you do think I’m a whore,” she accused. 

“Did you hear what I just said? No, Irene wouldn’t behave in such a way.”

“Why do you talk about her like she’s someone else? Aren’t I supposed to be her?”

Vincent went silent. His face was flushed and the veins in his neck were popping out. “That’s right, you’re supposed to be her, but you’re not because you simply can’t. Your feeble attempts are laughable. Pitiful even. I should’ve never expected much from an orphaned, bastard child whose mother was nothing more than a whore herself.”

She was taken aback by his outburst. Her lip trembled and soon after her vision blurred. “How dare you,” she muttered with what little breath she had. “Shame on you!” She turned and headed for the door.

Realizing the weight of his words, Vincent sighed, “Wait. I’m sorry,” he apologized. But she didn’t spare him a glance. When she didn’t stop, he ran after her. He caught the door before it slammed shut and he yanked it open, grabbing onto her wrist.

“Don’t try to apologize because I will never forgive you. You knew what those words would do to me, yet you said it anyway. Must’ve felt good right? Having kept it bottled up for years, you finally got the chance to say what you were really thinking this whole time,” she spat, fighting her way out of his grip.

“I really am sorry. I truly didn’t mean to say it-”

“Yeah, but you still thought it!” she snapped. Vincent couldn’t deny nor refute it. “You could never look at me the same way you looked at her. Because to you, I’m just a mongrel, a whore’s daughter. A shame to both of your families.”

He didn’t respond. 

“At least you finally became a man and admitted it. Congratulations, my lord,” she sneered.

“Then we both agree,” Vincent said. He swallowed hard, “This has to come to an end. You could never be her. And I could never love you.”

“You never even tried to love me,” she sighed. “You never even cared to get to know me as a person. Your obsession with Irene… is- It’s pernicious. The way you and her parents tried to recreate her, to keep her in your lives. It really is unnatural but I grew up thinking it was okay. Maybe I’ll never understand because I’ve never met her.”

“I guess you’re right,” Vincent agreed.

“And in case you’re wondering: that’s exactly why I like talking with Leon. He wasn’t trying to turn me into something else. He just stood there, each night, listening to me. Not needing anything or expecting everything from me. He just accepted me as I am, and he likes who I am.”

“Are you blaming your misfortune on us? You’re the one who accepted this role. You were the one making promises and giving us hope.”

“I do accept my part of the blame. I know that it was a choice I made, and I’ll be paying for it as long as I live. But I was nothing but an orphan child, not knowing any better, lured into a false sense of security.” Vincent gazed at her with emotionless eyes. “Fine then. If it’s to be like this, then we mustn’t prolong the inevitable.”

“That easy?” she asked.

He nodded. “You’re free now. But I expect you to explain everything to your parents.”

Without another word, Irene walked away from Vincent. She felt a weight off her shoulders. He felt the anger dissipate. They were no longer responsible for each other.

Irene stared at herself in the mirror. Her nose started tingling, eyes welled with warm tears, and she sighed. She thought to herself, Who are you? She wasn’t entirely sure who she was talking to. Half of it was directed at herself, questioning everything that had led her to this point. The other half of it was directed towards the real Irene; the god that everyone worshiped. A god that she could never equate to. In an attempt to become someone she couldn’t become, she had thrown away all that she was. Now, she was nothing but an empty shell of a person.

A knock on the bathroom door pulled her out of her thoughts. “My lady, are you all right?” Priscilla knocked. Irene unlocked the door and the maid smiled. “Are you sure you want to do this today? You can sleep on it. No need to rush.”

“I think I should do it as soon as possible,” she said. “Otherwise, they’ll just continue to plan the wedding.”

“Very good, ma'am,” Priscilla said.

“Did you call them?” 

“Yes, they’re waiting downstairs. Would you like me to stay in the room with you?” the maid asked. 

“Yeah, sure. But only if you want to,” she answered. After taking another deep breath, she followed Priscilla downstairs where her adoptive parents sat next to each other. They looked equally confused as they talked amongst themselves. “Thank you for waiting.” Irene greeted them. 

“Is there something you’d like to talk about?” her adoptive father asked.

Irene nodded quietly and she took a seat across from them. They looked at her encouragingly and she hesitantly started speaking, “I’m not sure if you’re aware of the rumors, but there have been multiple incidents that have occurred over these past few months. These incidents have caused a… rift between Vincent and myself. Upon further discussion, we have come to the conclusion that we would not be going forward with marriage.”

Her adoptive parents stared at her. But she stared right back. The silence was heavy as the two sides remained quiet. Her adoptive mother was the first to speak up, “What kind of incidents do you mean? Can’t you just work things out with Vincent?”

“I’ve been accused of being unfaithful,” she told them honestly. They gasped in disbelief. 

“But how could you betray him like that!” Her adoptive mother shouted but she didn’t flinch. 

“You didn’t even ask if it was true. You’re not even willing to hear my side of the story.” She frowned at them. 

Her adoptive father cleared his throat, “Who were you with?”

“Prince Leon,” she answered. Her adoptive father perked up at the mention of a royal. 

“A Prince? I-is that so?” He tried to hide his smile. Meanwhile his wife next to him was disappointed.

“But what about Vincent? He’s been there for her since childhood! They’re each other’s love of their lives! You can’t just throw all of it away. Irene would’ve wanted you to stay by his side,” her adoptive mother rambled on. She clenched her fists, bunching up the fabric of her dress as her mother spoke about the love of someone else’s life. 

“Abby, that’s enough,” her adoptive father scolded sternly. “Think about it. Our daughter being able to marry into the royal family? That’s a huge opportunity!”

“Are you saying that cheating is okay only if it’s with a member of the royal family?”

“Well, I mean-”

“No! Don’t you dare justify this! Being unfaithful is a sin. It’s never okay under any circumstances,” her mother claimed. 

“Just to be clear, we never did anything. There was no romance, nothing physical, nothing that would suggest adultery. Prince Leon remained a gentleman till the very end,” Irene explained. She received mixed reactions; her adoptive father sat up, showing interest with a serious expression and her adoptive mother relaxed back into the cushion. 

“Prince Leon isn’t married yet, right?”

“Jon!” his wife scolded him. 

“What? If Vincent is really breaking off the engagement, and Prince Leon is still looking for a wife, then why not?” 

“You’re not helping the situation,” her mother sighed.

“And you are?” her father chuckled. “Why don’t we ask her what she wants? I guess it doesn’t matter because she’ll be well off no matter what she chooses.”

Her parents looked at her expectantly. Irene sighed, “I’m not too sure I’m the one with the power to choose. Vincent hates me. There’s no way he’ll take me back, not after what happened. And like I said earlier, there was no romance between Prince Leon and I. And I really don’t know where we stand.”

“How about we arrange something with His Royal Highness, and we shall see?” her father suggested.

But her mother was quick to protest, “That’s hardly fair to Vincent! We’ve known this boy for his whole life! His mother and I are friends, we’ve even conceived our children at the same time.”

“Vincent isn’t a little boy anymore,” Irene interrupted, “even more so with the recent passing of his father. He’s free to make his own choices. And he’s made that particular choice as head of his family.”

Another loud silence fell upon the family. The mother, saddened and heartbroken. The father, eager and supportive. The daughter, confused and lost. 

“So now what?” her father broke the silence. “Do we just sit here and stare at each other? That’s not going to solve anything.”

“And what would you have her do? Sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do,” her mother said. She wore a hopeful smile, a smile that rooted for Vincent. 

Her father sighed, “Fine then, let’s wait. Oh how waiting just thrills me.”

“Stop it, it’s not for long. And that’s your problem, you always rush everything,” his wife complained. 

But he just laughed, “You didn’t seem to mind when I courted you.”

Her mother blushed and Irene cringed. “This is getting weird,” Irene muttered. “If there’s nothing else to add, I’m leaving.”

Irene scurried up the stairs with a silent maid following behind her. When she got to her bedroom, Irene belly flopped onto the bed and buried her face into the pillow. “My lady? Is everything all right?” Priscilla asked. 

Her head popped up to answer, “Yes, I’m fine. I just didn’t expect it to go so well. I thought for sure, they would be angry with me and force me to talk to him again.”

“I’m glad it went well,” the maid replied, “but what are you going to do now? About Prince Leon, I mean.”

She groaned into her pillow, “I don’t know. What am I supposed to do in a situation like this? I’ve never even felt these feelings before.”

The maid approached, sitting down on the bed besides Irene. “Well, how do you feel?” 

Irene rolled on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She thought for a moment, but it wasn’t long before a smile graced her lips. “I feel happy.”

“That’s it? Lot’s of other things can make you happy! C’mon dig deeper! How does he make you feel? Other than happy,” Priscilla coaxed. 

She could feel the blush rising on her cheeks. “I feel warm. It feels like- I don’t know, it just feels nice.”

“Starts in your chest, travels to your fingers and makes them tingle?”

“Mhmm… makes me feel nervous. But I kinda like it.”

“Makes you get butterflies?”

“No, not butterflies. It feels like a… It’s kinda like a little fire? It just feels warm and nice. It’s cozy and I want to keep feeling it forever.”

Priscilla giggled, “Doesn’t sound like a little crush to me! It sounds like you’re in love.”

[accio-victuuri]

CPN : the argument of XZ being “single” + my reflections

Let me start this post with one Candy that stood out to me today before we get to a more serious is it really lol topic. You may find a few other ones floating around but this one got me:

The BGM of GG’s Douyin video is from the Soundtrack of Suicide Squad. The same movie features the character of Joker, which they both love. Tho for things like this, I feel like the team just uses what’s popular on Douyin. What got me with the BGM is how it seemed like something you would use for a hiphop theme. They are literally showing how gorgeous XZ is, a pop song will be more appropriate.

Now that I gave a little sweetness, Let’s go to the main topic of this post.

If you haven’t seen this talk going around then that’s fine, in the grand scheme of things— it should not matter. With all the content going on from both sides and Bobo going back to being active on screen, this is not an important topic. However, it made me reflect on this issue and how fans operate. Also how as BXGs we should take this things and I AM SURE some really toxic people will use this as leverage to bully turtles. the whole talk of his relationship status has been gaining some traction lately because of a recent incident that @rainbowsky already detailed here.

Today, this account which is called Opinion Book mainly for 🍤 posted.

What is this accout you ask? It’s basically one that posts fan etiquette especially in times of discord. It has good intentions and I have found it to be a pretty level headed account that aims to pacify fans when things are chaotic. They allegedly also are able to directly communicate with XZS. They published what was “communicated” to them and a lot of it are no brainers tbh. Do not believe in melons and just wait for announcements of XZ’s new work. Do not follow him and his family during his private itinerary. Don’t start fan wars and be instigated by antis. However the cause of the buzz is this particular statement:

In addition, We have recently seen many rumors about the romance of the artist circulating on the Internet. False rumors have even risen to attack the artist himself. Although it has been a question and had been refuted many times, but we have made clarification again, all rumors are false. The artist is single. please don't be maliciously led by unknown people.

and well you guessed what happened. this has been taken as truth and an absolute confirmation that XZ is single and that all CPF should cease to exist. There is a lot to unpack here so I want to start with how credible is this account. What the hell are the “refuted many times” they are talking about?

1. I mentioned that I found this account as a good one. Is it necessary? I don’t think so. However I feel like it had to be made so as not to have a repeat of the 2020 fiasco and just in general to guide fans because XZ has a lot. Other celebrities may have way more followers than him like 80-100M on weibo but the difference is, his are very active. I still maintain my stance that the only official source of news is XZ STUDIO and Xiao Zhan himself, especially if it’s something personal. for dramas/endorsements/etc then the projects involved are definitely the true source. If a statement is not sealed, stamped and posted by XZS then it’s not be taken as coming for Xiao Zhan’s mouth.

2. The only “fan account” followed by XZS is the one with Patrick’s profile pic on it. It’s job is to clarify.

I’ve said it in the past that I don’t really have much love for Clarification accounts especially for personal matters. I understand some fans may want to clarify but I think it should be for career reasons, like if someone claims that GG is taking unnecessary leave on set because he is lazy or something.

3. The next question here is did XZS ever say that GG is single? Did the Patrick Account every say that he is single? The short answer is No.

Patrick Account refuted the following ( most recent and relevant ) :

• That GG is secretly married and has a child all because of a photo of him holding a baby was leaked. FYI, it was his friend’s kid.

• Li Qin dating rumors, the most recent one is because she was seen in the same restaurant as him. having dinner.

• The rumor that Antis love to spread : That he is dating his Manager 😂

All of these rumors were specifically marked as false. They did not say single. Just false and do not believe it.

As for XZ Studio, they do not mention the name of the other party. It’s what these studio accounts do. However people know who they are referring to because of what rumor is going on HS and is being talked about on that day. There are times they will just mention the User ID, and you just gotta look at what person is posting to get the gist that XZS is refuting it too. For example a specific account was mentioned and it had a lot of posts about XZ dating MZY. If they think it’s getting too much talk— they release some statement. But never that XZ is single. The message is always more on do not participate in talks like that and concentrate more on his works and your personal life.

The credibility of that account and it’s confirmation all boils down ( I think ) to the person reading it. As with all things in this day and age, you will believe what benefits you. Confirmation bias is very strong. The people who are screaming this from their accounts are the very same people who already had this idea in mind to begin with. For me the most interesting thing that even got me into making this post is what can we learn from this? I will try and make my thoughts/reflections as coherent as possible lol but here you go:

1. As a CPF and someone who believes in SZD, I always leave a percentage that I could be wrong. No matter how the evidence says otherwise. Am I mad and screaming right now? Obviously not. This incident comes at the right time because I’ve been talking recently about the fact that not all things should be made into a candy. That in order to be in this fandom, supporting them both, we should be fans of them as individuals and their work. If you are here solely for the candy, then sure, I will still welcome you but you probably won’t be here for much longer. This is why I get personally triggered when I see so/os say that all CPF do is candy and obsess about their relationship. Which is well, if you look at my blog as an example — it’s clearly not. We have to multitask like hell to keep up.

2. There is a bad side to being a CPF and that is when fans start getting too loud. CPNs and whatever are for BXG circles only. This is why I stopped participating in the whole “i wonder what solos would think” practice because I realized that I don’t need their validation. Candies are not for them. The reason why this talk has gained attention in the first place was because a certain CPF group started asking a third party about it. If that person knows who XZ is dating. Is it really that important? Should we really invite other people into this? Same goes with their friends, don’t ask them. Don’t DM them. It should remain in CPF circle of your own as a form of respect too. Especially if the type of CPF is more on a real couple and not a fictional pairing in a drama they starred in. The latter is encouraged and considered normal to be talked about.

3. Whether he is single or not, CPF should be allowed to exist. It’s always been a part of the fandom ecosystem. There are other pairings of XZ/WYB that i’m not fond of but it’s their life— they can do what makes them happy. I find it particularly harmful when certain fans invalidate CPFs just because of the possibility of the relationship we support not being real. I could ask them the same thing. Xiao Zhan will not marry you, so why the hell are you still acting like you’re his wife or that you own him? LOL. But I don’t cause i’m not an entitled asshole.

I’m pretty sure that on a professional level, if I’m an agency, it would be fine with me. As long as they are fan of my artist — we’re good. If you watch the shows, buy all the things. engage and just support the artist then it’s fine. All these animosity between solos and cpfs are made by fans. In the outside world, if you tell someone about this— I bet they won’t understand what the problem is.

4. The idea of a celebrity being single for an “idol” like XZ has layers to it. It’s not unique to XZ. Being single will appease a lot of the fans who still cling to the boyfriend fantasy. There is also the possibility of his contract having a clause that says he cannot publicize any relationship and must maintain the image of being an idol which is a story for another day. Also if a relationship is publicized, I am pretty sure it will eclipse all the professional work. It will also invite more shady individuals to get insider info and follow him around.

It’s ironic cause the same people were “happy” when XZ had dating rumors last year because and i quote— “he now has normal rumors about him.” LOL. Okay.

5. Going off the point above, I absolutely hate labeling XZ as an idol. It is not good for him and his brand to be on Hot Search because of personal matters and his relationship status. He is not some starlet who is only good for tabloid-esque news. He is an Actor. I don’t know if fans realize the hunger that XZ has to succeed in this profession. His name should be out there because of his career or if it’s related to personal content ( i.e photos ) that XZS shares. I personally get frustrated when things like this get traction — just in case people failed to get the hint— XZS posts when stuff like this is being talked about. It seems like their way of diverting the fan’s / people’s attention. Like “Hey, look, have something so you won’t be idle and start doing unnecessary shit.”

I am a BXG. I support XZ/WYB. I believe in SZD. I love their love. I am fond of candies and everything the community has to offer. My mindset at this point is really more of what are they gonna do next career wise. It’s what excites me and engages me the most at this point in my journey. I won’t order anyone to be in the same place because we go on our own pace and maybe one day you will get there. 💕

[balillee]

tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.

[iwhumpyou]

Purity Culture: Steelman

I’ve seen a lot of posts about purity culture and anti purity culture and while some of them are well-written, several boil down to insults, name-calling, or strawman attacks.

I wanted to investigate a more nuanced version of the argument to try and understand the heart of the issue.  In doing so, I present the steelman argument of purity culture.

Violent media is not consequence-free.

Now, it’s certainly true that the media you consume affects how you think.  Our perceptions, our beliefs, our biases are all constructions of the world around us, and these perceptions do not care if the world is fictional or real.  We empathize with characters in media, we cry with them, we laugh with them.  As anyone in any fandom can attest, we develop strong feelings about fictional characters, as though they are real people.  In empathizing with fictional characters, their pain is our pain.  An attack on them feels like an attack on us.

Argument 1: In hurting fictional characters, you can hurt real people.

Defense: Humans have an extraordinary ability to empathize with just about anything, from space-faring robots to household plants to rocks with googly eyes glued on.  If an act is judged by its effects on bystanders, we are beholden to the whims of everyone around us.  In practicality, this means nothing would ever get accomplished--everything in the world could be labelled wrong by someone.  An act is judged by its effect on its human stakeholders, and in the case of fictional characters, both the perpetrator and the stakeholder is the author themself.

Secondly, another argument can be made for violent media biasing its consumers to more violence.  This argument has been made numerous times with finger-pointing at things like violent video games.  Being fed a steady stream of any biased media can warp your perception of the world, and a steady stream of violent media would then follow to make your perception of the world a more violent place.  It can also cause desensitization and biases in how you treat real people.

Argument 2: Violent media causes people to be more violent.

Defense: This is a difficult one to either refute or prove because how do you quantify more violent?  If the argument is that first person shooter games make users more likely to shoot people, how many people, in the vast, vast audience that these games have, have ever fired a real weapon?  Would those people have fired a weapon without playing the games?  Media has become more and more ubiquitous these days, from the advent of easily available books and an increase in literacy, to the invention of movies and TV shows, to the popularization of video games.  And yet, I would argue, the world as a whole has learned more kindness.

Do I claim that the increase in violent media is the cause of increased kindness?  No.  Is it true that some people who have committed violent crimes have also consumed violent media?  Yes.  But I would argue that violent media gives users a safe place to vent out and cathart through negative emotions without hurting anyone.

And finally, the last argument is about the creators of violent media itself.  That to create such stories--to write and think and characterize such awful people, to create tragedies and failures and horrible things happening to good people--they must be, in some way, shape, or form, morally bankrupt themselves.  To imagine an act of violence is something no moral, good person would do.

Argument 3: Creating violent media means you are more predisposed to violence.

Defense: This is an accusation of every creator of dark themes that they are a person to be suspicious of.  That their morals and their agenda are in some way questionable.  That they’re not good.  That it is okay to vilify them for daring to create a scenario in which bad things happen.

For argument’s sake, let’s say that this is right.  Then what?  How many creators out there can you accuse of being pro-rape or pro-child abuse or pro-murder or pro-violence?  How many creators would be left?  How many of those creators have actually committed crimes?  How many of the stories and shows and games you love bring up dark themes?

Nature is, in and of itself, a violent place.  Violence cannot be eradicated from this planet.  What we can do is learn to think critically, to be aware of ‘dark’ and ‘problematic’ themes, even if they make us uncomfortable, to shine a light on the darkest parts of ourselves to better understand who we are, what we are capable of, and the consequences of those actions.

I believe that it’s in the confrontation of violence that we learn kindness.

[asterekmess]

Been seeing you getting hate mail and while I absolutely can't understand why anyone would go to all the trouble to make some one else feel bad... I also kinda really love the discourse on Scott? Like YOUR RANTS oh man. On point. Always. Tbh I tried giving Scott a chance... He is the main char after all... But I was like??? Wtf? That dude does nothing but refute others and does whatever he wants. And this was when I didn't particularly like Stiles either (first time watching Teen Wolf). But then I got to know more of him and like Tony he went asshole to lovable asshole—seriously, Stiles might not be the ‘nicest’ but he tries and his heart is in good place—while Scott is just... self-righteous. Someone pointed out that he sees people as possessions and that irks me too that I can actually see it being true. The dude has literally nothing going on except for being the one that gets bitten. And the Romeo-and-Juliet-esque romance he has.

Okay, okay, where was I going with this?? Right. LOVE YOUR RANTS. People need to understand that Scott not being liked isn't because of his race or anything trivial like it—he just happens to be—but because of his actions. Or inactions, as it were. *remembers the pool scene and Scott saying he's busy and resists the urge to chuck a shoe at him*

Basically, love you, love your work, and love your words! ❤️

I've talked with some friends about it, and our number one issue sort of...boiled down to the hypocrisy of the show? I....sort of rant a lot here, and I would add a Read More, but I can't find the option anymore?? I fucking hate Tumblr. EDIT: I found a post that told me how to do it!

So, since he's the character I focus on the most, let's talk about Stiles' morality. Because, you're right. Stiles is an asshole. He does some fucking awful shit in the first season, and even if he had a Reason to do it, it was still bad. And I still don't like it. But I understand it.

Stiles' lack of shits about what is 'lawful' is literally established in the first ten seconds of the show. He's a sheriff's son who sneaks onto people's roofs in the middle of the night bc they aren't answering his calls, who listens in on his dad's work conversations and is willing to fuck up a crime scene because he's so excited about getting to see a dead body. He doesn't care about laws. He doesn't even care about most basic manners (invasion of privacy much, with having Scott sniff Lydia to see if she liked him?). He's a dickhead, even to the people he cares about sometimes. But personality and morality aren't the same. Stiles' entire actual morality system is based around whatever he needs to do to keep the people he loves safe and happy. Lying to his dad so he doesn't get murdered by hunters? Totally fine. Telling Scott that it was "Jackson's own fault" that Scott attacked him with superstrength and dislocated his shoulder, so Scott doesn't feel like an asshole? That's just best friend duties! He will lie, steal, cheat, and he will kill to keep his loved ones safe (let's not forget this boy threw molotovs at Peter, knowing damn well what they would do to him). We can headcanon all we want about all the different people who are in this group of loved ones, but the list is canonically very short: Scott, his dad, and Lydia. Later on, like, past s3B? It includes Derek. Canonically. Stiles puts his life and the lives of others he cares about on the line while he lies to the matriarch of the Calavera hunter clan, to save Derek Hale. Derek is just canonically a part of that group now, and he fucking knows it bc Stiles is his anchor (that's canon too bb). End of Story, Sterek or no Sterek. It's why we get that insane number of lookbacks when Derek is dying before his evolution. Because Stiles is being forced to choose between two people who are BOTH in his ride-or-die group. He Cannot Pick between Scott and Derek, until Derek begs him to leave.

SO, yes, Stiles does fuckface things, and I don't always agree with what he does, but it is ACCURATE TO HIS CHARACTER. He is morally grey. He NEVER CLAIMS to be pure or good or just or righteous. Stiles knows who he is, and he stays true to himself. And I love him for that.

The same goes for a bunch of other characters! For Peter, who is strikingly similar to Stiles, in that family goes above literally everything. Screw the idea that he was following Derek around waiting for the chance to steal back the Alpha spark. That man put his life on the line (his second life, no less) to get the shit beaten out of him until Derek let him help save Derek's life Again and Again. Family Comes First.

Scott's morality is...confusing as fuck. I thought at first he was similar to Stiles, in that family came first, but...while he's protective of his mother, he also does a lot of stuff that puts her at risk without seeming to care/worry (like leaving Peter alone with her once Stiles hits their car, so he can chase Jackson) (or asking her to come to the high school when he's convinced there's a bomber in it)? Seriously, he's more protective over Allison, than his mother. It's very black and white the rest of the time. Very "this bad" "this good." And if you do "bad" then you are bad forever, while if you do "good" you are only good until you do "bad." The Betas were "good" until they asked for the bite, and then they were "Bad." Derek was "bad" when Scott met him and scared him, so after that, no matter how much "good" he did, he remained "bad." But only when it suits him. Allison is good even when she does bad, because he wants her to be good. Chris is good even though he's done mountains of bad, because of the minuscule amount of good that Scott has seen him do, because Scott wants him to be good. Even DEUCALION is good, despite the crazy CRAZY amount of bad he's done and despite having seen him do NO GOOD, just because Scott wants him to be good. Lying to those closest to you is bad, unless Scott is doing it, and then it's good, because he knows HE is good. Killing people is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Letting villains go is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Biting people is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Protecting family is good even if it requires killing or lying, unless it's not Scott doing it. Revenge for past slights is good, unless it's not SCOTT doing it. And you try to understand it! You try to say, okay, then he's morally grey, got it. He plays with the rules to suit his own morality, whatever. Except that Scott, the other characters, and THE SHOW ITSELF, are all telling you otherwise! They all say that Scott is morally pure. That he is good and righteous and lawful. That he always does the "right" thing, and that when he does "bad" things, it's justified and he had to. THE HEAVENS THEMSELVES say Scott is somehow better or more righteous than the other characters by MAKING HIM AN ALPHA OUT OF NOWHERE. (I'm talking abt canon here, not going into deaton conspiracy theories) It's like....Like in the hate mail response I did, where I pointed out that Every Single Thing people get angry at Derek for doing, Scott did too. Lying, killing (or at least attempting it), attacking innocents, losing his temper, keeping secrets, refusing to work with someone who could help, etc etc etc. Everything Derek has done that is morally "wrong," Scott has also done. And that's okay! Doing a bad thing doesn't make you a bad person, and even if it did, Scott is ALLOWED to be bad! GO FOR IT.

Except that he is sinless. It isn't that he learns from the bad things he does, it's that they aren't treated like bad things in the first place. Because Scott did it, and Scott always does the right thing.

Derek's behavior is reprehensible at times, but the show ADMITS that and frames it as bad. Frames it as him doing a bad thing when he scares Isaac or throws Peter or tells Erica who to date. And that's fine, because Derek is established as not being morally pure.

But SCOTT IS. And because they were so desperate to make him continue being "Pure" they didn't frame the things he did as wrong, or if they did, they absolved him of it immediately, using the exact same reasoning that works for Derek's situations, but this time Actually Accepting it.

He scares Stiles, well it's because he's scared. He throws Isaac, it's because he's upset. He attacks Jackson well it's because Jackson was being a dick. He orders Allison to date Matt, well he had a goal to accomplish. Every reason is treated like a fucking doctor's note that erases the bad things he does.

Being scared, or angry, or retaliating to someone being an asshole, or trying to protect himself, was NEVER a good enough reason for Derek to do ANYTHING "Bad." It was never an acceptable excuse.

IF IT WERE: If the show were making a statement about how fallable people are, how they do bad things, but they do them for a REASON. How people will do wild and terrible things out of fear, and how that doesn't make it less bad, but it makes it understandable, so don't demonize them out of nowhere. If that were the case, I would HAVE BEEN FINE WITH IT.

Scott is held to COMPLETELY different standards than everyone else in the show! And I DON'T mean that people held him to higher ones. They dropped that bar so fucking low. Anything was allowed, and any excuse was good enough.

He made out with a girl who was dating someone else, who his best friend was in love with? It's just the full moon, he's angsty about losing Allison. He ducttapes Liam to a bathtub and starts throwing random phrases at him that he hated Derek for saying to him? He's freaked out! He doesn't know what to do with a bitten wolf! It was an accident! He works with a mass murderer behind people's backs without telling them the whole story? Am I talking about Gerard or Deucalion? Who fucking knows. Either way, it's okay, because he was protecting his family. He plots to murder a cancer patient slowly and painfully by replacing meds that likely included painkillers with mountain ash, and the uses someone else's body to deliver the killing blow, and it's okay because he was just being smart! He was just working ten steps ahead! He was saving his mom and the whole town! Who cares if it DIDN"T WORK?

He walks into his ex-girlfriend's hotel room and scares the SHIT out of her while she's naked and alone in the shower? It was the wolfsbane. It doesn't matter that no one else's impulses included HARASSING someone. He lies to his girlfriend's face about her own life because he doesn't think it's important enough for her to know (who am I talking about, come on, take a guess, which one is it? Allison or Kira? Trick question: it's both). He was just being kind! He didn't want to worry her! He didn't want to make her feel bad! She didn't need to know!

I'm so far off track it's not even funny. My point was that Everything the other characters in the show are demonized for or framed as evil or bad or wrong for doing, Scott is shown to do and it's treated like at minimum a comedy, if not a Perfect Brilliant Strategic Move.

God, fucking hell. I mean, the PARALLELS you see in this show, between Scott and others. The scene of Alexander Argent going to the hotel after being bit? That bit where he pulls his shirt up in the mirror? It's a near PERFECT replica of Scott looking at his bite at Deaton's. They paralleled SCOTT MCCALL with AN ARGENT. Deaton has this whole line in S2 where he's bitching at Derek about "the person you should trust the most doesn't trust you at all" And then seasons later, we have Scott look his best friend in the eye and refuse to trust him, only to get upset later because Stiles doesn't want to work with him anymore and he "lost them." Scott goes running into Derek's house in S1 to accuse him of killing the bus driver, and when he can't get a real response, he EGGS HIM ON by accusing him of Murdering his SISTER, just to get Derek to react. Which is the EXACT same thing Kate did when she showed up and wanted Derek to lose his temper. Scott is CONSTANTLY paralleled with villains and assholes, and constantly does the things that others are persecuted for. But instead of feeling regret or learning something from it, instead of growing AT ALL. Those actions are treated as good. We are told they are righteous. And clever. That they are what heroes do. AND YES: There are parallels between Derek and Stiles' behaviors and villains/morally grey characters! Of course there are!

BUT THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THE TRUE ALPHA MAIN CHARACTER. SCOTT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD GUY. HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MIMIC/EMULATE THE VILLAINS, AND HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE REWARDED WHEN HE DOES IT ANYWAY.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I understand the urge to think that the Teen Wolf writers did all of this on purpose. That they built Scott up as an unreliable narrator, so that we're forced to come to terms with a protagonist who isn't good, and we watch them fall into a villainous role while thinking all the while they are a hero. That all these parallels are intentional and the writers just couldn't Tell us what was going on bc they didn't have enough power.

And sometimes I play into it. I will lie to myself about Scott being the 'narrator' of the entire show, and that we're seeing it all through his eyes so of course things are biased and conflicting, just so I can actually Enjoy watching it.

But I think it's absolute bullshit that this was done on purpose. It wasn't. The parallels appeared because they Wanted Scott to do the badass things that they had all the villains doing, throwing people and being sneaky and clever, and stopping the bad guy, and they didn't want to deal with the fact that they were having him do bad things. So they just pretended he wasn't and refused to acknowledge that they'd already punished other people for doing the same exact shit, but somehow Scott was getting rewarded. They wanted Scott to be the hero, so they made him the hero, and screw everybody else.

[sly-merlin]

S A C R I F I C E

SACRIFICE - A STORY OF LOVE, BETRAYAL, REVENGE AND BARGAINING

CHARACTERS : prince jaehyun x princess y/n

GENRE : fluff, angst.

WORD COUNT : 7k

TIME PERIOD : OF SHY GLANCES AND BLOOD BATHS. WHERE LOVE IS FORBIDDEN AND HATRED NOT.

WARNINGS : Includes dirt play, revenge. Major character deaths like MAJOR, mentions of blood, murder, killing, assassination and an explicit scene of killing.  Cw : food mentions  SMUT WARNING : kissing! mentions of undressing.

DISCLAIMER : THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. FICTION. FICTION. NO DESCRIPTION REPRESENTS OR GIVE ANY HINTS TO JAEHYUN'S REAL LIFE CHARACTER. 

a/n : part of heartbreakhotel monthly event by precious network @nct-writers

SUMMARY : heart in one hand, a blade in another. Which one goes down under the weight of other? Who is brave enough to sacrifice the other?

The shimmering, colourful, geometrical patterns of the bronze kaleidoscope motivated your heels to exultant jumps, simply sending tingles to your friend's mind who quietly stood beside you wondering what new pattern had caught your eye this time. She was equally excited yet waited for you to be absolutely gratified. After all, a pattern viewed once could never be seen twice or remembered long enough to be claimed to have hit our eyes.

The light hues of the unreachable sun coloured the small market in its natural glow making terrible winter evening walks a little more bearable .You loved it. You loved the scenery, all the more so because it was deemed to be yours. Every corner of this small kingdom had your father's crown engraved on it yet you weren't permitted to move around in a place you dared to call your own. Hence the poorly patched long cotton skirt and lazily stitched full sleeved shirt covered you like you were a fugitive in disguise or maybe belonged to some impoverished village. Same was the case with your pretty friend who, once averse to your youthful shenanigans, found the silver jewellery most fascinating in the whole market and not to omit the street food that turned the palace food to be flavourless.

 You had never been very keen on lying to your parents, popularly called the rulers of the kingdom and your poor attendants who thought you were busy with your evening naps that you had suddenly taken upon a liking towards since the past month. But it was a necessity for you. Roaming in the same humongous rooms no more satiated your travelling mind. You wanted to be out, to be free, to just breach all the restrictions you were placed under as a princess to satisfy the hollow rules. As much as your morals and conscience despised hiding truth, this little game you played harmed no soul. Your safety was their priority and you were safe and secure as long as you didn’t leave her side. And this excuse inadvertently spiralled you in this endless circle of hide and seek taking control over your better judgement, throwing the need to pause this rendezvous in the background. What once done out of curiosity and to experience the fanatic lives of your subjects, was now a sine qua non. From patiently performing and learning new tasks suiting your position to skillfully diverting your maids, you indeed had all the prerequisites to be the best queen of your future kingdom. Even though the praise of achievement always resided only in your head, you found yourself to be impressively regal.

"Let me have a look too, y/n" zara, your dear friend pleaded not so politely.

Reluctantly removing the device from your eyes, you pushed it onto her hands, backing away slightly, allowing her in the space.

"Why don't you go and look at some silver jewellery instead?" Huffing, you suggested to lure her.

“The new ones arrive next monday!” Not paying heed to your tender, she kept smiling, enthralled by the beauty captured between the pieces of mirrors.

You nudged her playfully, the action meant to drive her to the end of her patience but she dogged your efforts with continuous giggles. Relentless you were too and she was always reminded of that in a hard way. What your elbow failed to do, your fingers completed. As soon as your fingers in her ears, she bitterly pulled herself away to face you.

“This is unfair y/n. This hour of freedom is not for your pleasure only” puckering her lips, she said while her eyes squinted at you. 

Suddenly, her forehead was smeared with thoughtful lines, “y/n! It’s been twenty minutes already. Where is your lover?” surprise rained over her whole face, “Do you think he got caught?”

You were almost ready to refute her former statement that he certainly wasn’t your lover yet but her latter question of suspicion appalled you and there was no need for her to ask you any further as she noticed your face shrinking, distorting your pretty lips into a worrisome pout. She immediately left the metal device, focusing on you.

“hey! I am not serious. I was just trying to distract you” as she cupped your face, a pout of her own greeted you.

Her words were not reassuring at all. There was no unlikelihood of what she said. Jaehyun was, without any doubt, illustrious in the fouled game you both played but neither his family resided here nor was he allowed to enter the premises of your kingdom. The said man was corrupted by his youthful glow that granted him enough courage of frisking around the walls of the forbidden territory.

Inhaling sharply, you uncloaked your worry,

“do you think he real-

“no no absolutely not love. He’s too clever for that and he’s been doing since months, way longer than me and you! Let’s wait for a few more minutes.” Cupping your chin, she jested and cooed, “Also won't he perish without seeing your beautiful face. He would be here any minute!”

 Just when you responded to her with a grim nod, a well acquainted shoulder bumped into you, mitigating your distress with a familiar touch. eyes closed in relief, you looked at zara for approval which was given right away with a playful wink.

Giggling like a little child, you skipped to the back of the market where jaehyun waited for you every evening. Hiding your face in the silk grey scarf, you sneaked away avoiding everyone’s sight and waiting for your arrival, Jaehyun stood there with the lower half of his face concealed with a black cotton headcover. 

As soon as he saw you, the hand glueing the cloth to his face fell down and his face lit up with a smile worthy of putting stars to shame if compared. The wrinkles on his face and the dips in the cheeks had you wanting to hide in those spaces, away from everyone who had heralded this union to be forbidden.

 There you stood, staring into his dark eyes like he wasn't someone you were supposed to keep a good distance from. 

But the light in his eyes diminished on seeing your excited face.

"You did that again! Why don’t you follow anything I say to you? At least, look back and confirm my presence. What if someone had followed me?” deeply whispering, he frowned at you.

And fondly, you smiled at him, something that he never found fascinating but it still left him flustered.

"Don't smile at me like that. I won't melt this ti-

"I apologise?"

You blurted out taking him by surprise. His mouth opened and closed several times, body slightly rocking in confusion. Finally, he spoke, 

"I didn't mean it like that." His voice softened, "i just can't - 

Cleaning his muddy hands on his pajamas, he placed them on your cheeks, engulfing your whole face with his long fingers.

"I just can't see you in danger. If any of my uncle’s spies came wandering and recognised you at this hour, they'd not hesitate to slit your throat y/n" the way his face contorted as he recited the known truth,  it was evident how just the mention of it was painful to him. "Don't follow unless you see my face. I know there's no one harming you in your own country but you never know when odds might defeat you" 

"Do you-

You began but his questioning eyes stopped you. His eyes talked only in worry and love. Both for you. But even if you were content with what he showered you with, greed for little more was something you never deemed unnecessary.

"I what?" 

You wanted to continue but the perpetual worry planted on his face disturbed you as well.

"Jaehyun-'' your fingers brushed away the strand of hair on his face, “I mean don’t you find it tedious? Giving me the same instructions every other day, wasting the ten minutes of the limited time we get.”

He left your face and focused on cleaning the remaining dirt from his hand. To avoid suspicions and blend into the environment, he always covered his hands in mud, giving an impression of a forlorn daily worker. Nobody questioned a person who looked homeless and unhappy, even if he meandered near the barbed wires.

“I got in trouble.”

You hadn’t even sat down on the bench and he was already bombarding you apprehensions.

“how?” inaudibly, you asked.

He broke his eyes away before responding,

“they saw me leaving the palace yesterday. From tomorrow, I shall be accompanying my cousin to verify the supplies in the production department.” his chuckle forced you to let out one as well. his irresponsible behaviour had fables of its own, as jaehyun had told you once. the little penalties he was subjected to weren’t discomforting either but this time it involved you as well.

“for how long?”

 “my family’s care agenda would hopefully end within two weeks and then I shall be free again. but we might need a new place and new time too.”

His words were muffled in the back as your eyes remained transfixed on his hand sheepishly rubbing his neck. Under your inappropriate scrutiny, he found himself tinting and your strong gaze posed more problems for his already thumping heart.

He coughed you out of your daze, eyes wavering everywhere. Picking your lip, you suppressed your giggles.

Finger under your chin, you pretended contemplation. Your comical stance earned a groan from him,

“how about you get serious for once and I’ll buy you steamed food.”

Smiling widely, your greedy stomach took the offer immediately.

“not everyone lacks intelligence, prince jaehyun.”

He huffed and crossed his arms, feigning offence at your statement. “Now what are you implying princess y/n.”

“that I might already have a place decided. So hurry up now and feed me food while telling me about your day.”

“You are impressive, my lady! How am I going to live with your notorious self?”

“you plan on living with this notorious princess?” you clowned even though his question showed you more than just a hope.

“the inquiry hour is closed princess and so would be the shops if you choose to delay more. Soooo, shall we leave?”

Responding to your sharp gaze, he took your hand and pressed his plump lips onto them, disrupting the chain of your rational thoughts.

As the atmosphere tuned cooler and he bid adieu, you went back with a new assurance, ready to put your life on hold for the next few weeks.

lying on your back, you let out muffled giggles to celebrate another successful classified evening. clothes were changed, chess was out. You were prepared for any intrusion.

Zara's laughter soon died down, happy and heavy breaths replacing them. Seated on your bed, she faced you,

"So my courageous y/n, did you confess today?"

Abruptly you raised yourself, looking at her in bewilderment,

“Of course not!”

“What? Why not? What are you waiting for? Time is slipping away love.”

“I know. I just want to be a little more sure before taking this a step further. I do not want to misjudge his momentary affection for a promised future.The detestation our families share for each other has always proven to be deadly. Unless I’m sure that jaehyun’s feelings are indisputable, I shall not be proceeding." Mumbling out the last part, you began playing with the hem of your deep blue skirt to hide the disappointment that settled in within your heart. 

"Okay. I can't force you but do know that saving your heart from misery is better. Oh and does the poor boy have any hint about me." Zara advised lacing her words with a chuckle in the end. 

"Don't worry. You are just a maid friend whom I love and trust the most. He believes each of my pretty lies you know.”

"Oh my love. He truly fancies you. I wish your brother wasn't so incapable of harbouring feelings. How delightful life could have been only if he was like you." She wistfully spoke just like other times. Your heart hurt for her. She never got the love she was capable of giving yet the kindness never withered away. She was just like that. 

Soon your peace was interrupted and you were escorted to the dinner table. 

There sat your parents with their favourite child. You weren't loved any less yet it weakened your heart, watching them walking past your capabilities to applaud his undistinguished skills. His gender screamed for power when his capabilities barely had any knowledge of whispering about them. You abhorred it. Not your brother for he was raised with a rode in his neck but the stars that never aligned in your favour crushing your dream of wearing the crown for your own kingdom, under the grime rules made by those who were dead. Only god and zara knew how much hatred you held for your ruthless ancestors who never favoured women.

Sans any relish, you bit on the food which definitely tasted better for something you were not very fond of. but the almost good meal was ridden of all the salt as you felt conscious of their eyes on your face.

"Is there something you want to say to me?" you asked with a reluctantly polite voice.

That's when you noticed how their attention was divided to both you and zara.  Your brother Donghae’s serious eyes bored into her face as she tried to avoid him while sitting right across him on the dining table.

Finally your mother spoke.

“Donghae was looking for you throughout the whole evening, zara.”

Zara lowered her head, look on her face screaming help which only you understood so you took the charge on her behalf,

“We were in my room.”

“And what is so important in your room that you both chose to ignore constant calls from your maids?”

“After an exhausting and unentertaining day, we both play chess, share all the amusing stories of our respective days, details of which can be given to you if asked with some enthusiasm and then we sleep for an hour, in peace without anyone spitting orders on our faces and since when have my brother changed so much that he actually got some time to look for his wife?”

“May I know from where this disrespectful flow of words is coming through? Is this a way to talk to your elders?”

“I mean no disrespect, mother.”

“This ends today. From tomorrow you shall be spending those two hours with our bakery chef.”

Instead of your mother, you directed your next plead to your father, who was an expert in nodding at household matters

“No! This is the only time I get with zara. within a year or two i’ll be married off to some rude man who won’t even let me put my feet outside the threshold of his palace.” pouting, you said.

Waving his hand, he dismissed the matter that meant whoever got the last sentence was the conqueror of the discussion.

"Why are you here?" Counting and aligning the stars to form another shape, he interestingly asked.

"I wanted to explore this dead garden. What about you? What brings you here in the enemy land?" You jested.

"to meet a very beautiful enemy."

"a woman?"

"Yes yes. She's a woman. A very pretty one I must say but very feisty and dangerous to be around."

"Oh how so?" You asked now genuinely interested in his description of yours.

"I've heard she has a heart of stone."

"Huh? Have you seen her heart to be so sure of your accusation?"

"I've enough instances to prove that."

"Like?"

"She meets a handsome prince, spends an hour staring at his eyes with all but love and still chooses to stay silent. It's a dangerous game she's playing with him. It almost - it hurts him."his fatalistic expression left you stunned. The ancillary confession beleaguered your heart instead of calming the storm.

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you tried your best to focus on the constellations instead. you pulled the poor blade of grass harder in a futile attempt of breaking it apart but it was snatched from you.

“answer me.” He demanded the answer that was resting on the tip of your tongue.

"I love you."

He blurted out and you felt his fingers finding home in yours as he interlocked them. the moisture of the grass swamped your hands and you finally found your warmth within each other.

“the whole palace is under your charm y/n” you stopped the stirring at zara’s words.

“how so?”

“they haven’t seen your wrath in the past few weeks. You didn’t shout at minji for throwing your burnt cake either.”

Swatting her hand away from the pot, you replied, “let them enjoy their peace days.”

“may god bless jaehyun! The whole palace is saved until you are happy.” Bumping her shoulders into yours, she took the charge from you. “what about the haunted garden y/n. aren’t you afraid of going there. it’s been weeks and I haven’t heard you screaming about any ghost.”

You scoffed at her naive self, “the only ghost that haunts the garden is in ME!” dragging the last part, you successfully scared her into dropping the ladle in the hot pot. Resultantly, she chases you off in the whole kitchen until you agree to turn the muddle of vegetables into something edible.

Jaehyun’s presence generated so much happiness within your soul that you were afraid one unfortunate day would snatch him from you yet you never fought against the urge to drown in the love he poured on you. He mirrored the boy you met in your books, just as dreamy, if not more. His princely chiselled face was a sight to die for. He was a typical example of a lotus, a beautiful flower born in mud where it lived and died and you wanted to change that for him.

“What do you fear the most?”

Nestling your face in his neck, you couldn’t help but ask the question. He snuggled you closer to him, the sheet beneath you crumpling making the leaves and the grass it covered rustling under you. He shifted his head only to face your hair. Removing his one hand from your waist, he moved your chin to inspect you. He never understood how you came up with most bizzare and inquiring questions. But he was always more than happy to speak or in this case, express.

“that I will forever remain indebted to you.”

grasping his hand that held your chin, you saw him gulp down the words he hesitated to utter. 

"Love is not a debt jae. Just keep loving me like this, make me hap-

Abruptly your view of him changed as he floated over your figure. Resting your head on the sheet, his fingers traced the path along your face, feeling every inch of the skin he had learned to admire from afar. With adoration filled eyes, he drew nearer.

His lips were delicate against yours. Moving gently, he comforted your vulnerable ones, winning a pleased and dry whine from your throat. Hands dropping to your neck, his lips travelled down to your jaw where he sucked lightly at a candied spot and the little tickle kisses he gave you reaching your collarbones left you squealing in its wake. He hovered over your face again, this time to taste the bliss you felt and courageously, you pulled him closer and like it was designed, Mist of delight clouded your minds as  you forgot your fingers in his nape. If finding stars in his eyes was your expression of love then dancing against your pulsating lips, he perfectly found his interpretation as well. 

He drew back when he was done with bruising your skin. Staring into your eyes, he asked for something. With a blink of the same, you conveyed it. 

Curving your back, you allowed him to unzip the lavender dress you were wearing. As he uncovered your skin, he greeted it with beautiful, praiseworthy kisses, covering you with his undying love.

That night he resuscitated you, sending you into an oblivion. 

The reason being the incantations that he served you with.

I wish to give you a ring!

And the simple words resonated the promise that you could hardly wait for him to fulfill.

Sympathy combining some unknown feeling washed over you as you heard your father talking about the neighbouring kingdoms and the pitiful state they were in. you had always known about the lack of resources those people lived with but that was the end. It was just a topic of discussion and theory to learn about the blunders of their ancestors and the brutal history of their treason to an old ally, your father and grandfather.

With a contempt laced tongue, once again, your father recited the story of betrayal of the lees and the jungs. The story was religiously told to every child once they were old enough to understand the terms like loyalty, allegiance, infidelity and betrayal.

You had vowed to change that. a seed of hatred planted in a younger mind would only yield a crop of vengeance. you aspired to end it. Jaehyun, too, wanted to wash the stains of treachery from his family name.  

 To your dismay, the army was out to roam the small towns and villages, looking for trespasser enemies. 

One day, you were resting in jaehyun's arms and the next day, you were left to sulk as the guards had suddenly decided to reaffirm the reliability of all the hinges. The doors were smacked, locked and unlocked, leaving you with million suspicions and a heavy heart. 

The only assurance you had, was in Jaehyun's capability of fooling the security forces. Proud as you were, the unsettling feeling of a blurred future did not let you sleep. For three nights.

Jaehyun wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly from behind.

“easy jaehyun! it tickles!” you exclaimed while controlling your giggling.

“i thought you won’t be here tonight but yo-

“but i managed to sneak!” you finished, turning in his arms to see his beautiful face glistening in the moonlight. “and i don’t know for how much longer i can fool my attendants, what if one day they got in trouble for negligence. The security is doubled outside all the chambers. If I pulled anything, father would not hesitate to behead them.” your face dimmed with the mere thought of the fate of your precious maids and if anything happened to them, your soul would be forever encumbered with the guilt. 

your worried eyes didn’t escape jaehyun as he leaned forward to give you a small kiss, soothing your nerves. the small peck left you wanting for more as you bit your lower lip in anticipation of his further actions.

“nothing would happen. it’s been 2 months and nobody in the whole kingdom knows where and with whom their gorgeous princess spends her nights! and besides i’m here to ease the worries of your forever wandering mind. "

"Why do you always have to talk in riddles jae!"

He laughed through your smacks before circling your figure twice, leaving you staggered and dumbfounded.

"What are yo-

"I'm serious. I’m just here to fulfil my promise love.” he caught and pulled you again, keeping just a little distance between you both

“what promise? i don’t remember anything!” you asked genuinely perplexed by his words. as far as your memory too you, the only promise he made was-

your eyes widened at the realisation! jaehyun removed his one hand from your waist, putting it inside the pocket of his pants.

at this point, you could hear your own thumping heart whilst looking at him expectantly.

“let’s relieve you of a huge burden my princess!” he said with a smiling face but as you tried to mirror his expression, a sharp pain coursed through your abdomen.

you wobbled as he left your waist, the pain doubling when he pulled the small knife out of your body, a smirk adorning his features instead.

your body felt hotter than ever as the blood slowly oozed out of your abdomen. no scream left your lips as you pressed the wounded area in a try to lessen the ache.

The solemn tears falling down the cheeks were not for the physical damage but for the broken promise Jaehyun had bestowed upon you with.

“wh-why?” was the only word you could form before your other hand went to grab his arm but was only met with air.

jaehyun loomed closer and his knife met your stomach once again, this time a grievous shriek filled the silent garden. 

Your legs lost life, your body finding it harder to withstand the twist of the knife as you fell on the grass, darkness consuming your soul.

“because i couldn’t be on the throne as long as the heir of this kingdom was alive. but your death won’t be worthless love. I shall wear the crown of your sacrifice and reclaim all the lost honour.”

Instead of a deep breath as you had expected, a choked sob left your lips and the whole body convulsed with the painful effort.

Your eyes remained glued to him as he rubbed his face with this sleeve regarding you with the cruelty you never knew he was capable of.

contempt in his orbs served as his last offering towards you as he exited your sight, calling for someone.

After what felt like years, you heard a human voice again but your body gave up before you could comprehend anything. 

“you did it my boy!”

Jinyoung broke his hateful glare from the throne and patted a demented jaehyun on the back, congratulating his prime pawn for the successful acquisition. The so called disqualified heirs were now the rulers, a dream that was once broken by their backstabbing friend, the now murdered king of this kingdom.

“and you shall be rewarded for you have made your deceased father proud.” Hand caressing Jaehyun's shoulder, he pretended to wipe the few tears that escaped due to the bitter memory. Cleaning his eyes with the sleeve of his dusted robe, he took the gold crown from his younger brother, jinseok and ran his eyes from jaehyun to the majestic chair on the silver podium.

With pride clotted blood, Jaehyun bowed to him before taking his seat.

The crown was set atop his head, fitting him without any doubt.

It weighed more than he thought.

With a sinister smile, his uncle ordered the assassination of all the loyal members of court.

Guards were beheaded and bodies were counted.

The palace was foraged, to find and kill all the runaways.

A manhunt was announced for the one who wasn’t found.

Nobody knew there were more to be found.

The triumphant smile lit Jaehyun's face for he lost nothing.

Three weeks later.  

Donghae’s hands lost all the strength, the plastic bag filled with potatoes now rolling down the uneven and mud washed floor of the hut.

The day he had been anticipating with broken hope and glistening eyes was not a dream anymore.

Your fingers finally trembled against the hard, rugged and rough mattress.

You had decided to open your eyes after three weeks.

Finally he allowed himself to cry.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

Crown hanging between his fingers, his gaze pierced the ground.

You were lying there three weeks ago.

Were you taken away?

Were you no more?

There was no probability of inhaling after how perfectly he had spun his knife.

No man had ever survived his knife, not even his own teacher. There was no way you could have. All the odds were in his favour for all the cards being played with accuracy.

Did he hope for your life?

You were an enemy, just a play. Then why the thought of never beholding you again hurt him so much. 

why the weight of the crown crumbled on him with such intensity.

Why did he choose your chamber to stay in?

Yet Why was he unable to sleep?

He grew up seeking answers and  taking orders and this time there was no one to respond to his cries.

Neither did anyone care enough to ask him the reason for his quotidian visits to the garden.

I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug

It wasn’t home. But the eyes looking back at you undeniably reminded you of it. A day has passed since you saw the light of the world again but all you did was listen to the gut-wrenching fate your family had met with. Half of the family!

Your parents were murdered in the coup premeditated  by none other than the neighbouring jungs. What was equally agonising was the fact that your brother never got to give your parents a respectable farewell. The troops had charged upon their sleepy selves and the mere hanging crown on the naked and bloodied sword of jin young was enough of a proof of the successful attack. Their escape hadn't been easy either but with a little help from the general, they had managed to flee. Zara had led them to you. 

 Unknown fear consumed you as you read your surroundings. But it was time you admitted to your mistakes and faced the consequences. If there were any brutal ones left. There was nothing you would be unable to endure. So you began with the unanswered questions.

“what is this place?” you asked with a sore throat.

“this is jung’s territory. They are too blinded by their victory that this barren land is the last place they would send their troops to.” donghae replied, feeding you spoonfuls of the soup.

“But how did we reach here?"

"Through the underground war doors. They once joined both of our territories before the jungs were disqualified from trading. This end was opened by our general when we lost too much blood. Their bloody nephew is sitting on the throne, uniting this useless kingdome with ours." He seethed. 

You bit your lip to compose yourself. you knew you had to tell them about jaehyun and a broken trust was the last thing you wanted to inject in him but necessity clawed on your heart to reveal everything.

Caressing your face, he acidly began, 

"We'll take back everything. No one shall be spared. We are contacting our alliances. By next month, our kingdom would be in the state of siege. Every drop of blood shall be avenged. Jaehyun would pay for what he did."

At his mention, you withdrew your sight from him. Guilt crept up within you as you tried to affiliate every past event with the current one. It was clear as day you were a mere instrument to find a place for the entry of their troops. You were just a puppet. Unknowingly, you had allowed them to enter your parent's bedroom too. You had blood on your hands. Of countless people.

A single tear slipped and the lack of his expression on your face scared zara. She ran to occupy the other side of the bed and caught your head before you broke down in her arms. Jaehyun's lies and betrayal of your love was left somewhere in an old rusted chest of your mind and the pure anguish shattered you into millions of pieces.

You wailed yourself to sleep. 

Jaehyun visited you that night. In the form of dust. And he continued breaching your peace as if killing you once wasn't enough.

Now the day bleeds, into nightfall and you are not here, to get me through it all.

Jaehyun woke up in cold sweat. When was the last time he slept with an easy mind? 

Maybe the week before he was ordered to finish off what he had started. 

He changed rooms. 

He changed floors.

But his eyes never closed for even the minor chances of meeting you in the dreamland scared him to death. 

With a trembling hand, he picked up the crown and threw it away.

Amusingly, you were still dead.

Were you really that foolish?

Perhaps you resembled every other weak hearted person for whom a pinch of affection was a desperate call to sell their soul and rationality.

You had just wanted to walk down the markets without any constraints pulling you back in. Skipping in the shadows while hiding from the sun was the only desire you had. 

Why had he bumped his shoulder into yours? Why had he repeated it again and again until had grown to recognise his touch even through the thick layers of clothing and masked faces?

It's amusing how we end up finding each other in the same place at same time everyday

He had said with a sugary tone when you had questioned him sternly. 

You had believed him.

I'm prince Jaehyun, from the other side. I just came here to see the beauty that our place doesn't possess. It's all barren and discarded. No healthy vegetables. No dry fruits. I just enjoy myself every evening and buy some good food for some poor kids. You won't mention this to anyone right? I’ll leave right away if you want though!

How righteous had he sounded!

We'll propose unification and then everything will come to life again. No bloodshed. No backstabbing. No spy plays. We’ll never let history blemish our future.

How had he managed to contradict each and every word he had spoken. 

he just changed like the patterns in the kaleidoscope as if you had never reflected in the mirrors of his heart. 

Perhaps you never did.

You despised his way of fulfilling his Imperishable love for you! 

You were relieved Zara had been the one to inform your brother of this leading cause.

How ruthless he could have been!

You wanted to give his whole kingdom a new life and all he could give you in return was a knife. 

I was getting kinda used to being the someone you loved

Jaehyun's fingers turned green for how harshly he picked at the grass. Picking at those innocent blades didn't bring you back. 

His cries thundered in the air. He begged for the time to turn itself. He yearned for the love you had shown him. He missed your warmth. He missed your careless laughs. His heart shrieked for you. The only person he had ever loved. The only being who had ever loved him.

 Why he couldn't have saved himself from being the traitor of the heart he could've ruled!

You stared at the heavy corset that was made to safeguard you.

You were no expert with a blade but still one was handed over to you as precaution. 

The general read you the instructions, mainly focusing on the need to remain hidden underground until the war was over. You and Zara were to be kept away from the weapons. 

That was what the commandments directed you to follow.

Today, the wind blew harsher. Maybe he was the only one to feel the strange stillness in the disorder. Everything had been imprudently loud for him lately. Even the riots that shook the doors of the palace. How long could they have held onto something that never belonged to them! 

As he dismissed the servant who called him to take charge against your brother, his mind pressed upon bolting all the heavy doors to ignore the murderous stream. He had led one army before but now lacked the courage to pick up his knife and sword, the ones he buried right in the garden where you once laid.

You.

The broken look on your face was the image he wanted to delete from the depths of his mind so desperately yet your presence never left him alone. Maybe it was the sanction of the heavens that you were always there with him. In his days and in his dreams. He got all of your portraits removed yet here you were, standing in front of him with a smile on your face. A quiet rare sight. The radiant face, if not impossible to find, was still very infrequent even in his dreams. The air smelled of you. The atmosphere was enticing. Suddenly, he wanted to chase his dream, to go after you. 

So he followed his heart. 

Your illusion stayed still, with curved lips making you look ethereal. Even in the darkness, your face illuminated the way for him.

His hand rose, hoping to touch you even though the rational part of his head screamed that it was a lie created by him to save himself from another night of misery but he failed to listen and caved in. Like each time, he expected his hand to pass through you, breaking the charm of his fabrication of you. 

But here he was. 

Instead of passing through the smoke that you were supposed to be, his hand rested upon the gentle skin that your face had. Retracting his fingers immediately, he fell back in fear, eyes widening and chest heaving. 

You were anything but an illusion. 

His hand grazed against your cheek before he fell down, stumbling upon his own feet. The crown that decorated his head too withdrew its support, lying on the floor like it had recognised its lawful owner.

"My king." Solemnly, you addressed him. "I hope you are enjoying your new home and title."

As you talked, you watched him collecting himself. As he unclogged the blocks of his mind, awe transformed his face momentarily shaping itself into trepidation. To your disbelief, he brightened up once again. Had he not been liable for the ghastly crimes, you’d have sympathised with the deranged state of the always self possessed jaehyun. Alas! You had nothing to offer him.

Shuffling on his knees, with his head bowed lowly, he spoke with dead voice,

"Forgive me, please." He cried into his joined hands.

"Get up jaehyun. A mighty and worthy king like you doesn't look very honourable bowing to a mere woman like me." Your dangerously honeyed voice resembled the ominous dark clouds brooding atop his head. 

But you admired his valor for he kept apologising, burning himself with the false hope of undoing the indelible smudge he had left on you.

"I thought i never loved you y/n but i was utterly wron-

"You are a deceiver King jaehyun. Do not expect me to believe you." 

"Don't call me that please!" 

"Get up jaehyun." you barked. 

"I hate myself for doing that to you y/n." Getting up slowly, he repeated twice. You were yet to see his face and when he rose to his full height, you were met with his bloodshot eyes that could've ached you if your heart hadn't been damaged to the core.

"Don't hate yourself please. You made your family proud. That is what we kids should be aiming for right. I truly admire you for that King jaehyun." The emotionless stress on the end made him close his eyes in pain as he choked out another heart wrenching sob. 

"I'm truly sorry y/n, please. I can't take your hatred. I don't want this crown nor do i want to live here anymore."

Your stomach churned at his cries. You had truly underestimated his capability to surprise you but it only made you grip harder on the knife that was tucked in your waistband.

“How naive of you to think that I'll fall for your lies again, jaehyun.”

Rubbing his face with his palms, he looked heavenward,

"No no. I love you. I really really love you.I never realised this until now. I just can’t live without you” and continued as his glistened eyes met yours, “Why are you not listening to me?"

"Don't you think you are a bit late for a true confession."

"Yours was true right. Your love was conditionless. I swear on your love! Forgive me once please. Love is the strongest, you told me this right. I just need you y/n. not this crown. Not anyone else. Just you, Please." 

A mean scoff left your lips, "Yes, i was the one who told you about love being the most powerful but that was until you taught me the strength of hatred, jaehyun. You knifed me out of the fairytales i dreamt with you and i don't think i can ever thank you enough for that. The love you are so profoundly swearing to is lying under the debris of the hollow pride and the abhorrence you sheltered for my family. You never once heard my pleas of affection and now you expect me to listen to yours?how can you stoop so low?"

You watched him screaming into the air and crumbling down. You saw him going through the pain you would never recover from yourself and you wanted to end it. For him. It was rather painful to watch him so you mumbled his name. 

With newfound belief, he loomed closer with open arms, anticipating a change of heart from you. Maybe you weren't really as unconcerned to him as he had been with you. 

but the long blade mutilated his lungs and silent gasps of pain escaped his throat. His miserable eyes ruined the shield you wore and you screamed at him while repeating the thrusts of the sharp blade. Droplets of vengeance imbued the chilled air, drizzling down your neck in the form of sweat.

Somehow the hall was lit and you were forced to see what you had done to him. His grip on the ground faltered and the blade slipped through your fingers, the clink dangerously reverberating in the hall. 

Before your hand could reach for him, something pointed grazed your shoulder. You wanted to turn around but more and more spikes pierced through you; the heaviness and the pain that seeped through your back launched you forward and you fell down on another body that had been hosted by the marble a few moments ago. The ache of the arrows left you breathless. Once again, you struggled with your eyelids. within a few seconds, relief padded your back and you discontinued your wrestling. 

and perhaps your dead heart was finally at peace.

[renjuseyo]

if ur requests are open can i pls request Jaehyun x male reader where the reader is so drunk that he forgot that his boyfriend(jaehyun) is his boyfriend. then he asks a member if he is taken and they said yes and that will make reader to silently be sad in the corner and jaehyun asks if readers ready to go home......... andddddddd ill leaveee the rest to u hehehehe (iloveurwriting so much)

tipsy ; jaehyun

group: nct

pairing: jung yoonoh / reader (male)

synopsis: both you and jaehyun knew how much of a lightweight you were, but when has that ever stopped you?

genre: fluff, crack

warnings: implied sexual content, explicit language

i lost inspiration for this, so i hope this mess of a fic is okay anon! as always, feedback is appreciated!!

when you peek through the peephole, you expect to see the delivery man holding the package you had ordered online. instead, you’re pleasantly surprised to see your boyfriend on the other side of the door, wrapped in a hoodie, mask, and tinted sunglasses. his disguise is pretty unnecessary given how your neighbors are mainly made up of old people who have never heard of nct, but it gets the job done.

once you’ve unhooked the chain bolt, you unlock the door and swing it open. he slightly jumps at the noise, but visibly softens when he sees you. “hey (name),” he greets, slipping off his mask and sunglasses.

“hey yourself. what are you doing here?” you ask. with how hectic his schedule has been after promotions with the nct 2020 project and working as an mc on inkigayo, you two hadn’t seen each other in weeks. though you missed him, you sympathized with the tireless hours he spent working as an idol. at least you preoccupied yourself with netflix.

he slips off his sneakers and enters your home, taking off the rest of his disguise. you close and lock the door behind you, trailing behind him. “i managed to squeak in some free time today, so i came to visit you,” he explains. he faces you with a smile, pulling you close. you subconsciously lean your head onto his shoulder, humming as he sways your bodies.

“i missed you,” you tell him, fingers ghosting his waist. he makes a noise of agreement, resting his chin on your head.

you eventually pull away, eliciting a grumble from jaehyun. contrary to popular belief, he was the clingy one of you two, always using the excuse of “you’re just the perfect size for cuddling.” “stop grumbling, jae. you’ve come so far, so it’s only fair i make you something to eat,” you tell him, making your way towards the kitchen.

he follows suit, hand grabbing at the hood of your hoodie. you stop in front of the refrigerator and open it, canvassing the food you have in there. as you debate what to make for lunch, he rests his chin on your shoulder and snakes both arms around your waist. you roll your eyes, though you don’t make any movements to pry his arms off. “i can always eat something else,” he smirks.

you realize too late the implications of his comment, absentmindedly sorting through the bags of vegetables in your fridge. “do you want takeout instead then? mrs. moon from two doors down said that there’s this really good pho house near here.”

he nuzzles into your shoulder. “i’d really like to eat you,” he says as nonchalantly as one can, considering his implications. you nearly drop a bag of spinach, spluttering incoherent words as you spin around to swat his shoulder. he laughs, loud and proud, a stark contrast from the quiet, polite laugh he’s practiced.

“you’re the worst,” you hiss, reluctantly closing the fridge. he pecks your cheek, eliciting a disgusted screech from you. he leans back with a laugh before attacking your face with kisses. you shut your eyes as you try to wiggle out of his grasp. but jaehyun’s been working out, evident from his arms, and he’s always had an intense grip. when he leans away, satisfied, you flick his forehead. with how clingy jaehyun’s being, making lunch isn’t an option anymore. “i hate you.”

jaehyun eventually relinquishes his attacks, threading his fingers with yours. “you’re usually not this clingy, jae. actually, now that i think about it, you don’t flirt all too much either, much less suggest sexual innuendos. what’s the occasion?” you ask as he walks you two to your living room. he doesn’t immediately respond, flopping down onto the couch and dragging you along with him. you land on his chest with an oomph, your cheek squished against his chest.

he combs his fingers through your hair, smiling as you make a noise of approval. “well, i wasn’t going to say anything before the news outlet, but...” his smile only widens when he sees you look up at him with curious eyes; he nearly coos at how innocent you look. “a certain idol you know might make his acting debut soon~”

your eyes widen, and you quickly prop yourself up with your elbows. “what! no way!” you exclaim, jaw hanging open. jaehyun laughs at your shell-shocked reaction, though it’s a given; when you were in a mood to vent, he would always take your hand and pepper your knuckles with butterfly kisses as you ranted about how he deserved better and shouldn’t only be seen as a visual, whining about how sm failed to show his talents as a singer and an actor. well, those days are over now, he supposes.

“yes way, love. are you excited?” he isn’t sure why he asked that question, considering how shell-shocked you already look. plus, the squeal that leaves your throat and the way you throw yourself onto him is answer enough already.

“do you even have to ask? you used to send me videos of you acting out different roles because you wanted to try acting, and you always did them so well! i’m really proud of you, jae. you deserve it.”

“i’m really glad you think so, (name). do you want to hear-”

“no!” you interrupt, slapping both of your palms on his mouth. he tilts his head in confusion, surprised by your sudden outburst. “knowing you, you’re going to accidentally tell me everything, and then i’m going to know the whole story line before the show even airs!”

he’s about to refute your claims, but he can’t really considering how you’ve layered both of your palms on his mouth. plus, judging by the look you give him, he’s certain he’s going to be eating his own words sooner or later. with a sigh, he peels your palms off. "you’re no fun. can i not even tell you the name and the basic plot?”

“i’m sorry for wanting to give you ratings,” you snort. “and no. then i’ll be waiting in anticipation and will force you to tell me everything, even if you tell me you can’t because i told you before not to say anything. you can’t even give me a drop of information.” well, jaehyun supposes that is true. you’ve always been enticed by television shows; he’s personally seen you react to cliffhangers a show gives before it ultimately gets cancelled. needless to say, it isn’t a pretty sight. “this calls for celebration! we can invite the boys too... do you want it to be extravagant, or are we keeping it low key?” you ask, sitting up and reaching for your phone.

“what happened to just you and me?” jaehyun asks, batting his eyelashes with feigned innocence. “i can think of a lot more fun things we can do.”

you don’t even bat an eye; unlike earlier, you were prepared for this kind of comment. “shoving my foot up your ass sounds really fun, but unfortunately that won’t get me any food. the boys probably already knew before i did, so you’ve probably already celebrated with them... i guess we can keep it simple.”

“i’d take your foot any day,” he fires back with a heavily exaggerated moan, to which you respond with a slap on the arm.

“i’m telling johnny to bring over beer.” you’re texting a group chat with you and the other 127 members. you’re only dating jaehyun, yet sometimes it feels like you’re dating all of them with how close you are. plus, gossiping with jungwoo about your boyfriend is always fun. with him being his roommate, you both often share similar struggles.

he rolls his eyes, stretching over to wrap his arms around your waist. he peers over your shoulder to look at your screen. “please, (name). you’re the lightest lightweight i’ve ever met. who are you telling to bring over drinks? you’re like a baby.”

“fuck you.”

“i think it’s the other way around, but i’d gladly let you order me around~” he flirts.

you shove a pillow in his face as you fire off a text.

after ordering pizza, tteokbokki, and fried chicken, your dinner is nearly complete. the boys were coming over soon, with johnny being in charge of drinks, jungwoo in charge of takeout, and donghyuck in charge of entertainment. you had a nintendo switch jaehyun had gifted you two years ago, and you intended on making full use of it tonight.

(plus, you have yet to beat yuta at super smash bros. today is going to be that day.)

you had finished clearing the table for the food before you notice jaehyun’s sleeping frame on the couch. you’re about to walk over and reprimand him for being unproductive, but seeing how tired and peaceful he looks stops you. instead, you grab a blanket from your room and drape it over him.

you’re about to walk away and grab water bottles for everyone when you feel something tugging your hand. craning your neck, you smile at jaehyun’s hooded eyes laced with sleep. “c’mere,” he murmurs.

water bottles can wait, then. you pat jaehyun’s side, and he scoots over to allow room for you. as you slot yourself in his arm, spreading a leg across his, he makes a noise of satisfaction, eyes fluttering close. “someone’s tired,” you observe, pushing the mop of black bangs obscuring his eyes. “did practice run late?”

he avoids your gaze. “no, i spent the night playing uno with johnny, ten, and mark,” he admits.

you laugh. “must have been intense. i bet you were so burnt out from uno,” you sympathize with sarcasm. “but in general, don’t overexert yourself, okay? i know you’ve been busy, but you need to remember to take care of yourself.”

jaehyun nods, but a yawn rips out of his chest. you give him a knowing look, one that reads what did i say? which causes him to laugh. “yes sir,” he lazily responds.

“as tired as you may be, don’t go falling asleep on me now. the others are going to be here soon. what would they think, the guest of honor asleep at his own party?” you chuckle, leaning down to press a chaste kiss on his forehead.

he beams at the gesture. “give me more kisses and i’ll think about it,” he coaxes.

usually you don’t give in to his bratty demands, but seeing how tired he is reminds you of the accomplishments he’s achieved in the past year. a kiss is the least you could down. you lean down, breath fanning his lips, and he closes his eyes in contentment.

a few seconds pass, but the kiss never comes. when jaehyun opens his eyes, he’s surprised to see you’re no longer by his side, instead standing by the door. “that’s one way of telling a guy to come and get it,” he sighs, sitting up. he wearily rubs his eyes, blurry eyes watching you.

“sorry jae, taeil-hyung just texted saying they’re here,” you apologize. he sighs, eventually standing up after a few moments of stretching.

just as you had said, knocks resonate throughout your home, signalling their arrival. you peek through the peephole to verify their identities and sure enough, all nine other members stand outside, arms loaded. you undo the chain lock and swing the door open, greeting everyone.

“thanks for having us,” taeyong smiles, stepping into your home. everyone else echoes his message, but it comes out mumbled, like they hadn’t thought of saying anything until taeyong. the power a leader has, you suppose.

“no problem. here, let me grab some of the food.” you scurry over to jungwoo and mark, whose arms were loaded with the takeout you ordered.

as you grab a box of pizza from mark, johnny slaps you on the back. you nearly lurch forward and drop the pizza; if you had, johnny would be first on your hit list. “so jaehyun finally told you?” he asks with a grin.

“thank god. he spent days talking about ways to tell you, knowing how excited you’d be,” sicheng snorts, slipping off his shoes.

you laugh, especially when you see jaehyun spluttering in embarrassment. “you could’ve fooled me. all he did was waltz in and drop the news after he nearly fell asleep. made me feel like a proud parent and everything.”

“you may feel like one now, but wait until you watch him act. just going to be lots of cringing and teasing,” doyoung sneers, elbowing his shoulder.

yuta rolls his eyes. “like you’re one to talk, mr. lead actor.”

your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. “lead actor?!” doyoung laughs, answering your question. “good for you, hyung!”

jaehyun narrows his eyes. “why do you look more amazed at his news than mine?!”

i’m not a lightweight, you told yourself. i can handle whatever yuta throws at me, you told yourself.

you were sorely mistaken.

jaehyun notices this too, seeing you sway in your seat. he chuckles at the sight; you were never able to hold your liquor, and when you got drunk, you were quite the spontaneous drinker to deal with. one time you had drank so much that you cried over cute things, like when sicheng showed you a picture of his dogs. or the one time you were a man on a mission, flirting with all of the members. needless to say, that led to a very interested jaemin and a very pouty jaehyun.

you had initially planned on just sticking to soda, but yuta had wanted to make things more interesting and challenged you to a game of super smash bros. each time the loser lost, they would have to down a can of beer. despite your inability to hold your liquor, it activated your competitive nature. but of course, yuta is crazy good at any games he suggests, completely demolishing you with lucina. no matter which character you chose, you were just no match against him.

after several fruitless attempts, you’re seated between taeil and sicheng, who seem way too interested in the tteokbokki to notice your behavior. everyone else seems occupied, too; johnny, yuta, jungwoo, and donghyuck are playing mario kart 8, taeyong and mark are immersed in yet another one of their deep, contemplative conversations, and doyoung’s watching the whole scene unfold, supervising everyone (probably to ensure nothing ends up in flames). on the other hand, jaehyun’s sitting on your sofa, alternating between watching the four men in front of your television screaming and you in your tipsy state. he decides to stick with the latter.

eventually you lift your eyes up and make eye contact with jaehyun, who responds with a wink. seeing you flush and look away has his chest swelling with giddiness; you’re just too cute sometimes. the table isn’t far from the sofa, so he can hear any conversation that goes on there. he watches as you take another sip of your can, eyes shifting back and forth from the television and to him. you stare at him for a bit longer, eyes canvassing his face, his posture, his thoughts.

it seems sicheng notices your staring, sitting back down and nudging your shoulder. “what’s so interesting that it’s gotten your attention?” he asks, purposefully raising his voice so jaehyun can hear.

you flush at how loud he is, lazily putting a finger to your lips. “shhh, i’m staring at the pretty boy there.” you point your chin towards jaehyun, who pretends to not see. you’ve never been subtle when you were drunk, but telling you that would just lead to you loudly slurring your arguments. “do you know if he’s dating anyone?”

jaehyun nearly spits out his beer. of all the times you’ve gotten drunk, you’ve never once forgotten that you were his boyfriend - if anything, you were all too eager to prove just how much you belonged to him. he’s not sure whether to feel startled or amused.

sicheng chooses the latter, a smirk forming. “yeah, he has a boyfriend,” he tells you. jaehyun hopes you’ll realize that you’re the boyfriend in question, but seeing how you deflate like a balloon, he guesses not. he questions how much you’ve had to drink.

you slide off of your chair, pouting. “of course a guy as attractive as him has a boyfriend. i’m not surprised,” you grumble, crossing your arms. jaehyun can’t help the amused smirk that makes its way on his face. watching you envy yourself for being his boyfriend is very amusing.

sicheng must feel the same, stifling his laughter. “don’t look so bitter, (name). his boyfriend’s a good guy.”

you pout, crossing your arms. “well, i bet i can treat him ten times better! pretty boy there doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” you boast, standing up.

sicheng can only watch in amusement as you stagger towards the kitchen. if only you knew how strange that statement was. “if you’re so confident about that, then what are you doing? planning on hiding in the kitchen to wallow on your sorrows?” he teases.

“i’m not!” you protest. “i’m just going to get some water because i’m dizzy as fuck and possibly cry about how single i am.” you mumble the last part, though because sicheng has uncanny hearing, he probably heard, if the smirk on his lips is anything to go by.

jaehyun decides it’s time to intercept, because as amusing as things were, he hoped you weren’t actually going to cry about being single, especially since you had no reason to. he stops by the dining table where taeil and sicheng are. “so i heard you and (name) were talking about me.”

sicheng snorts, rolling his eyes. “just because we said pretty boys doesn’t mean we were talking about you.”

though unaware of the topic, taeil leans in, chewing on a mouthful of pizza. “yeah, for all we know, he could be talking about me!” he chirps. he’s met with an annoyed glare from sicheng (though both of them can see him stifling his laughter), which he responds with an air kiss. typical taeil.

“well, i’m going to check up on him. i’ll leave you two lovebirds alone for now,” he teases. taeil looks a little too happy at the joke, whereas sicheng threatens to stab him with a fork. it’s amusing watching their reactions, considering how everyone around them already knows that they’re dating. those two just haven’t admitted anything yet.

he follows you into the kitchen, though you don’t seem to notice, too busy pouring yourself a glass of cold water.  “(name),” he greets.

you jump in surprise, nearly spilling water on yourself. when you turn to face jaehyun, your confident nature immediately disappears, quickly replaced with one of bashfulness. “you know me?” you ask, in awe of how said pretty boy could possibly recognize you.

if only you knew just how well he knew you, he thinks to himself. instead, he decides to play along; you’re obviously too drunk to realize how silly this seems. “i do,” he hums, patting your shoulder. he isn’t sure if your red cheeks are from the alcohol or him, though he hopes for the latter. he never gets less prideful when you get all shy because of him.

hoping to maintain the confident facade you had earlier, you quickly clear your throat, looking away. “how can i help you?” you ask, taking a sip of your water.

“well, i was hoping if we could talk in a more... private area?” he asks.

you nearly spit out your water, eyes the size of saucers. he has to stop himself from laughing, afraid the drunk you would get the wrong impression. “just to talk, that’s all. it’s kind of loud here, don’t you think?”

the screams from the living room (which are mainly from johnny and donghyuck and the occasional ones of distress from taeyong) and the volume of the television are evidence enough, so you nod in agreement. “yeah, sure.”

“perfect. let’s go then~” jaehyun laces your fingers together before you can say anything, and your ears are practically fuming with smoke. you’re too distracted by his touch to question how he knows where your bedroom is. when you both enter your room, he flops down on your bed, patting the empty spot beside him. at this, you gasp, scandalized and very flustered. he chuckles at how shy you’ve gotten, shaking his head. “my my (name), get your head out of the gutter. we’re not going to do anything... unless you want to,” he flirts.

jaehyun never tries to take advantage of you, especially when you’re not sober. but when the sober you would throw pillows (or anything that wouldn’t actually hurt him) at him for flirting with you, the drunk you would always fire back with equally flirty remarks, or the shy you would just splutter in embarrassment. he can’t help it, spewing sweet nothings to you - you’re just too fun to mess with for him to not to, especially when you’re drunk.

reluctantly you place your water on your bedside table and lower yourself beside him, heart thumping erratically. he chuckles at how timid you are, a stark contrast from the snarky (name) that he knows so well. he turns to face you, both of your faces only centimetres apart. the smell of alcohol lingers on both of you, though it isn’t as prominent on him as it is on you. he makes a mental note to ask yuta how much you’ve had.

you squeak at how close you two are, hands flying to cover your face. “you have a boyfriend,” you whisper. you’re undeniably flustered, but you would rather die than be known as a homewrecker!

his laugh startles you, even more so when he presses a hand to the small of your back. you look like you’ve committed a heinous crime, potentially causing an attractive man like jaehyun to cheat on his boyfriend. the statement is so abusrd though, considering how you’re the boyfriend in question. “i do, you are right. he won’t be mad at me, though,” he hums, leaning in so close your noses would touch if it weren’t for the makeshift barrier you’ve made from your hands. you flush red in embarrassment, hiding your eyes behind your hands. if you make eye contact with him, you’re sure you’re going to melt into a puddle.

“even if he didn’t mind, i don’t think we should be doing this. i know i wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend did this,” you whisper.

jaehyun sure is having a field day with this. you’re too flustered and worried to notice the pure look of adoration he’s giving you. “call it a hunch,” he says. “i promise you, he won’t be mad at this.”

“why?”

“you’ll find out tomorrow.” he pauses as a yawn rips out of his chest. “i’m really tired, so i’m going to sleep. the boys probably won’t quiet down on my account, anyways. you can always go back to them if you want, though,” he offers. a small part of him hopes for you to stay and cuddle with him, but judging how you’re so sure he has a boyfriend who would be absolutely devastated for literally sleeping with another man and how you have no knowledge of where you stand, he wouldn’t be surprised if you left.

what does surprise him, though, is when you stay rooted in your spot on the bed. “i’m tired, too,” you say.

jaehyun smiles so sweetly, the one that has his eyes dripping with honey, that your hands fly up to cover your face again. his boyfriend must be lucky to see that sight all of the time, you bitterly think to yourself. still, even if you’re not sure why he’s flirting with you or where you stand, you decide to savor every moment that you get to spend with him. even if you don’t really know who pretty boy is, he’s sweet and kind. plus, only a fool would cover their eyes when someone as beautiful as him lays before you.

he moves an arm to pat your thigh when he freezes in midair, remembering how he’s supposed to have a boyfriend to stay loyal to (even though he’s right in front of him). he retracts his arm and instead pulls your blanket to cover your lower bodies. “goodnight, (name),” he hums, shutting his eyes.

before jaehyun can begin the long process of trying to fall asleep, he feels you tug at his t-shirt. cracking an eye open, he sees you laying before him, staring at him with curious eyes and red cheeks. oh no, now he’s really tempted to kiss you. you’re impossibly adorable, seeing how vulnerable and curious you are. “yes?” he hums, trying to stay awake. the effects from last night’s uno matches have really begin to take a toll on him.

“i don’t think i’ve gotten the chance to ask, but may i know your name?” you ask.

jaehyun chuckles. he’s flirted with you and is even sleeping in the same bed as you, yet he’s forgotten the basic courtesy that is introductions. he didn’t think he would’ve needed it, considering how you’re his boyfriend. but then again, you’ve forgotten that you are his boyfriend. “my name’s yoonoh, but you can call me jaehyun or jae.”

no one actually calls him jae except for you. it’s a short and simple nickname that you have for him, nothing endearing. but because it’s something that only you call him, even though there isn’t a meaning to it, he’s grown fond of the way it sounds leaving your lips. which is why hearing it from anyone that isn’t you only leaves a weird taste on his tongue.

you’re so drunk you don’t even remember jaehyun, nor who he is to you, so it isn’t surprising that you stick with jaehyun instead. he doesn’t mind though, because he knows when you’re sober again he’ll hear you calling him jae and cuddling into him and doing all of the coupley things he wasn’t able to do tonight.

wow, jaehyun really is a lovesick fool. it’s only been one night of not being able to cuddle or kiss you, but he feels like he’s missed a whole eternity of them. he really isn’t sure how he’s lived before you came into his life.

for an hour, you pester jaehyun on how you two became acquainted and who you were to him. he indulged you, of course, purposefully skipping over the part of you becoming boyfriends and doing things that friends definitely didn’t do. his stories seem to be an effective way of getting you to sleep, because in the middle of a story of how a pair of swapped backpacks led to your relationship, you’re lulled to sleep, tired hands clutching onto his t-shirt.

he can only chuckle, leaning down to press a kiss on your nose. you’ll sure be in for a storm when you sober up tomorrow morning.

your jaw drops as you stare at the video on doyoung’s phone. it’s of you and sicheng, and right now you can only watch in horror as you pester him for information on the pretty boy you were so interested in last night. you have no recollection of last night’s events, though watching the video makes you glad you don’t. the problem is, the boys were there to witness them, even recording evidence of it on their phones. you’ve already seen pictures that johnny and taeyong have taken from when you and jaehyun were cuddling in your bed.

“please tell me that isn’t me,” you whisper, utterly mortified.

mark pats your shoulder in sympathy. “that’s you, all right.”

at his confirmation, you groan, burying your face in your hands. doyoung and donghyuck are cackling at your demise, with sicheng reciting your complaints word from word to a very amused johnny and yuta.

“...and then he was like well, i bet i can treat him ten times better! pretty boy there doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” sicheng mimics, purposefully raising his voice an octave higher as he mocks you. out of embarrassment, you reach for a pillow on your couch and fling it at him. unlike jaehyun, he’s very good at dodging, proven when he ducks. instead, the pillow smacks yuta square in the face. he throws it back at you with even more force.

you duck, the pillow smacking an unsuspecting jaehyun. he really is horrible at dodging things - how shameful. “what the hell was that for?” he splutters, picking it up from the floor.

you turn to face him, eyebrows furrowed with annoyance. “you watched me make an utter fool out of myself, and you didn’t once try to do anything about it?” you hiss.

jaehyun frowns in confusion until doyoung dangles his phone in front of his face. when he watches the video, his face eventually contorts to one of amusement. “oh, that.”

your face is red with embarrassment. “yeah, that! like seriously? where is your loyalty? do you not care about my well being? you know how vicious these monsters can be!” you whine, gesturing at the said nine monsters behind you.

he nonchalantly shrugs, though you can see the corners of his lips threatening to curl into a smirk. “i do, but you were just too cute, seeing you all flustered. what about my own well being, huh? seeing you like that isn’t good for my heart,” he coos.

your heart leaps, but you mask it by smothering his face with a pillow. “you’re the worst,” you grumble.

“you act like you don’t like it, but i know you do~” he retaliates, albeit muffled from the pillow.

behind you two stands nine other boys, obviously unimpressed. watching you two engage in petty banter is always amusing, but not when it makes you flustered and encourages jaehyun to flirt with you like the cheesy, lovesick fool he is. “they’re so gross,” donghyuck gags.

johnny nods in agreement. “let’s get out of here before they start fucking on the counter.”

at johnny’s comment, you turn away from jaehyun so fast you swear you hear your neck crack. “do you have no filter?!” you shriek, exasperated.

with your guard down, jaehyun takes this as a chance to wrap his arms around your waist. a noise of surprise leaves your throat as he places his chin on your shoulder. “you’re so mean, (name). i liked the shy you a lot better~” he hums.

the other boys don’t even blink. “we’re going to leave now before things get bloody. good luck, (name),” taeyong says, saluting you.

jaehyun’s already tugging at the hem of your shirt and peppering your neck with kisses by the time the boys leave.

[stellocchia]

Okay, time for another overly long analysis of our favourite green blob with a god complex and traumatized teen!

I will be discussing both the “Trapped in prison with Dream” stream and the “Am I dead?” stream as I think they should be analyzed together, so espect spoilers for those. It also goes without saying that, from here on out, unless stated otherwise, I’ll be talking about the characters and the roleplay only!

So here we go! More under the cut and be advised that this will be a long one!

First of all it’s essential to keep in mind that Dream’s view of his relationship with Tommy is extremely different from Tommy’s. I will be going more into details as the analysis proceeds, but it’s very clear by now that Dream is under the delusion that Tommy’s attachment to him is as strong as his for Tommy. 

We have multiple examples of this, but the strongest one (until the revival stream at least) was back in the season 2 finale when he kept believing that Tommy wouldn’t kill him as he wouldn’t kill Tommy. We also have instances like him saying “exile wasn’t that bad, you had me” and his insistence on them having “so much fun together” that all point to the conclusion of Dream believing their game is played on both side.

Tommy, on the other hand, made it abundantly clear that he despises Dream entirely. He recognizes that Dream actively makes him a worse person when they’re together and he recognizes that he abused and manipulated him along with many others. Tommy doesn’t reciprocate Dream’s obsession in the slightest and actually seems extremely taken aback any time the green man proposes the idea of them being a theme. 

On that last point it’s interesting to notice that the actual idea of them working together (Tommy and Dream vs the world style) is actually something new that Dream introduced with his stay in prison. Proposing they could “escape tigether” when they first ended up stuck there and even more in the two latest streams... Dream’s interpretation of their relationship seems to have shifted from “fated nemesis who have fun together” to “friends”. No, this is not a positive shift, and I’m not framing it as one. Dream’s idea of friendship is as twisted as can be and Tommy has zero say in the matter. 

Now that the introduction is done, let’s get to the actual analysis!

Trapped in prison with Dream

So the stream starts with Tommy trying his best to annoy the Hell out of Dream. Then PussBoy is introduced... 

One thing to point out is that Tommy seems to fear silence and lonliness over everything (as we’ll see proof of later on), so it’s honestly no surprise that he would not be able to bear the silence for too long. 

“The cat is the best thing that’s happened to us” Dream is already sort of shifting from the “me” talk to the “us” talk, which is rather interesting. That also mirrors his “You being stuck here is the best thing that’s happened to me since I got to prison” statement.

Then there is the interaction with Sam where he decided to leave Tommy in there longer in order to solve the issue. We also get a very rare instance of Tommy showing a lot of his vulnerability, talking about exile (though it’s clear he doesn’t know Sam knows as much as he does about exile), which promptly gets ignored in favour of Sam continuing to work on the security issue.

A few seconds after Sam left Dream already burns the new clock. The reason he’s doing it is obviously to keep Tommy in a more vulnerable state of mind by continiously insuring he has no way to tell how much time has passed. All the while acting like it’s no big deal of course. Like his actions aren’t deliberate.

“What if we get out together?” “No, no! Because then you’ll break out with me, I don’t want you to break out with me” Dream already gave a similar proposition when they had just got stuck together and, again, the reason why this is so important, is because it seems to indicate a shift in Dream’s mind between the “me vs you” mentality to the “me and you vs the rest”. 

There is then the whole debacle with PussBoy where he’s killed. There isn’t really much reaction from Dream for it (really, Tommy shows more panic about it then Dream does any emotion. Please people, re-watch that scene and stop using the damn cat as a motivator there). “Look Tommy, I’m gonna get out” is literally his only reaction. That and saying that Tommy is and always has been his motivator: “You motivated me, well, you motivate me all the time”. It really couldn’t be clearer here.

“I’ll get out and, when I do, I’ll get my revenge” (...) “On who” “On everyone who’s wronged me” “Oh on fucking everyone won’t you! You’ll go and you’ll kill fucking... you wouldn’t kill anyone would you? You wouldn’t, you wouldn’t kill someone (long pause)... of course you fucking would...” Now, why did I highlight this whole thing? Well, because there’s a lot to unpack here. 

1) Dream is still fully of the idea that he was in the right, hence his desire to get revenge on “those who wronged him”. His mentality has not shifted at all so we can conclude, once and for all, that his “meek” act during most of the visit was indeed just that: an act. 

2) Callback to Tommy saying he feels like his brain is “wired to be Dream’s friend”, despite having already been killed 2 times by Dream, Tubbo more recently almost dying to him and knowing what he is capable of in general, it still takes him quite a bit to remember that yes, Dream would kill someone, he would hurt people. Tommy still has a hard time admitting to what happened to him and the impact Dream has had on him and he’s not entirely out of Dream’s manipulation (once again, good representation, because you don’t heal from something like that in a month), he is however now better at recognizing it and correcting his own faulty thinking. 

“I have a plan” I did not notice this on first watch, but was Dream’s plan to send Tommy to the afterlife from the start? Or, at least, to send someone there so he could study it? It could very well have been. He’s shown in the next stream that he wanted talk to Schlatt immediately asking Tommy about him once he was back. We can’t however ignore that he mentione that “someone who owes him a favour” may be a part of his escape plan, so that feels rather important for the future once he’ll have brought Willbur back to life. 

So then there is more of fight that start. Dream is getting annoyed at Tommy’s “whining” and tries to make him see things from his perspective (aka “it’s not so bad because we have each other” again with the trying to establish their “friendship”). 

“You don’t have ME, you never have ME, we don’t have each other, alright? I am me and you are this fucking looser who goes around manipulating people and lying to get what he wants” What this is is 2 things: 

1) Tommy recognizing what Dream is trying to do, the subtext of what he’s saying and refuting his claims (hurray for the bit of healing he’s had!)

2) Tommy actually recognizing the possessive side of the claims Dream keeps making. I don’t see this talked about that much, but, to Dream, Tommy is most definitely his propriety, just like Tommy’s disks were Dream’s in his mind (remember that speach? He literally referred to them as “my disks”). I mean, he clearly acts like that’s the case, enphasizing time and time again how he has absolute power over Tommy (I’ll go a bit more into it towards the end of the analysis of the other stream, for now though, keep this in mind)

“Even when I’m in here I’m more powerful then you are when you are outside” back on the theme of Dream’s God Complex I see. He seems to like showing off as often as he can “how powerful he is and how powerless Tommy is” (in Dream’s words from the season 2 finale), though that’s most probably to keep enforcing the dynamic that he already established in exile, the whole thing with Tommy being entirely dependent on Dream. He seems to like that aspect of their dynamic as he has expressed multiple times his appreciation for that specific period of time. 

“If I wanted to, right now, I could just kill you. And the only reason I’m NOT is because of my friends, for Tubbo, because WE need that fucking revive book, alright? That’s the only reason I’m not killing you” well, I mean, we’ve known this for quite a while. The only reason Dream got to keep his last life was because of Tommy’s attachment to his friends. I’ve seen a few people saying that it was specifically to revive Wilbur and, while that may have been an idea at first, by now he had already shown multiple times that that was not the case (even before spending time with him in the afterlife). When he went to “Wilbur’s revival” (the failed one) he showed that he was already incredibly uncertain about wanting Wilbur back (describing him as “not so poggers” in very Tommyinnit fashion). No, the actual reason why he wants the book is most likely because Tubbo is on his last life and we know he can’t live without his best friend. 

“Tommy, I’m never, I am NEVER EVER going to use the revive book to help you or any of your stupid little friends, okay?” So now the question is: was this a lie or a twisted version of the truth?

I’m gonna say the latter and here is why: Dream DID, in fact, revive Tommy. We know this now, it’s canon. But he really didn’t do it FOR Tommy. One thing I want to make clear is this: while Dream may, in fact, consider himself and Tommy “friends” he doesn’t CARE for Tommy himself, not in a way that’s commonly considered as “caring” at the very least. He finds him fun, entertaining and he seems to be rather dependent on him, but NONE of this things equate to caring about HIM. So, now that that’s cleard up, the resons why he revived him in the first place should be rather obvious: 

1) He wanted to see if he could and learn more about his power in general

2) As I said before, there is a degree of dependency Dream has on Tommy. It’s very obvious in the fact that, despite having let go of every other attachment, he doesn’t seem able of letting go of Tommy, not permanently anyway. He seems to actually need to have a degree of control over Tommy at all times

“I will never use the revive book. I will NEVER use it on you, I will never use it on any of your friends, I will never use it to save ANY of you” now THIS one is a straight up lie. What Dream was trying to do here was provoking Tommy enough to see if he’d actually kill Dream or not (which was a useful information for him for later). To see if Tommy could bring himself to do it (he can’t)

“I’ll get out eventually because, either you’ll let me out or... people will be dead” way to be ominous green man! We could assume by this point that his plan to escape may have been along the lines of “getting Techno to repay him by killing one of Tommy’s friends therefore forcing him to let Dream out to bring them back”, or something of the sort.

“This isn’t worse then exile (...) because in exile I thought you had all the power (...) here’s the thing Dream, here’s the thing I know: I don’t think the revive- I- how could I be so fucking...? The revive book Dream, it’s not real is it?” Here is where things start to actually go downhill fast. There is nothing Dream hates more then Tommy questioning his power, there is nothing that makes him angry faster (I’m sure the whole “I don’t give a fuck about Spirit” speach comes to everyone’s mind when I say this, as it should). Dream, as much as he presents himself to be a logical mastermind, is actually very emotional in the way that he is very easily overtaken by anger. He does irrational stuff every time he gets mad, that’s no secret. If he wasn’t already planning to kill Tommy to test his power, this push is what convinced him to do it. Also this is the exact reason why he likes Tommy (weirdly enough, their relationship is so very complicated) in the first place, because he’s the only one who’s constantly questioning him and challenging him. 

As we know the fight escalated and Dream ended up killing Tommy telling him to ask “Schlatt” about the book. Though before that there are quite a few exchanges were Tommy expresses that he thinks Dream is powerless now and was lying about the book all along because that’s generally what he does and Dream keeps insisting that he’s not lying and that Tommy’s life is still in his hands, that he still has all the power (turns out he wasn’t so wrong...). 

Also, last line to analyze from this: “I might as well be a God Tommy! You can’t kill me and I can kill you” pretty sure this is the first time Dream outwardly announces his God Complex and it’s interesting that his idea of power revolves entirely around having power over Tommy specifically. Because, even having power over Tommy’s life he’s still in prison, he stil has no real power of any kind. Everyone on the outside still hates him (aside from the anarchist duo), they still aren’t letting him out. Who comes to see him and what he can keep in his cell is still entirely dependent on Sam and not on him. But the fact that he has power over Tommy is enough to make him a God in Dream’s eyes.

Am I dead?

Fisrst things first, the afterlife part:

It seems that we may be seeing pieces of conversation had at different times. Let me explain myself:

Tommy opens up asking if he’s dead, then he has an interaction with Wilbur that sounds like it could be their first interaction after his Tommy’s death as Wilbur asks how he’s doing. 

We know however that he’s been ther for at least 2 months, probably more considering he seems to have interacted with Schlatt, but Schlatt has been comatose for 3 months. We could then assume that what we see is a sort of very short montage of Tommy’s time in the afterlife.

The next scene we have Tommy asking “How long is left?” (we don’t know what he’s referring to, though it could be to his revival) and Wilbur responds saying that, to the end of the Universe it would be still 8 eons. Then Wilbur asks him to play competitive solitary and they randomly chat for a bit.

New change of topic (probably next scene again) we have Wilbur telling Tommy he’s happy Tommy is there (dead) with him as the tw of them were never good for the server and caused all the problems (which we know to be incorrect, but it was Wilbur’s mentality at the time of his death and it makes sense that he would have kept it). Tommy also has a very clear panic attack which Wilbur generally ignores. Wilbur also says that, if he’s brought back to life, he knows for a fact that the server will be in shambles because, in his words: “I know what I’m like, that’s the issue”. 

Like it or not people Wilbur is most definitely implying that he knows he wasn’t a good person and that he won’t be different when he comes back. Simple as that. It’s also a further confirmation of his self-deprecating nature that brought him to self-destruct in the first place.

There is another pause that we could consider a cut scene and Wilbur is then talking about making a solitaire arena in a couple of months to an exasperated Tommy

Now for the revival itself:

First thing we notice once Tommy is back to life is that he’s most definitely experiencing a sensory overload. He’d gotten used to living in a colorless dimension with almost no sounds (aside from Wilbur’s and Mexican Dream’s voices I’m guessing) and no sense of touch aside from the constant pain that being back on the living plain may be quite ovewhelming for him.

“So what was it like?” Dream doesn’t loose a beat once Tommy is back before starting to ask him questions. He literally sounds like an eager kid who just got a new toy (and I gotta commend cc!Dream for the voice acting here!). The book worked and now he needs to find out exactly to what extent he can use it (the idea of immortality being on his mind as we’ll see later).

“Void, it was dark, it was all dark” “There was Schlatt, there was Mexican Dream” “There’s so many more drugs then just alcohol” “Mexican Dream, he was there, which was confusing, he was loud. And then there was Wilbur...” “(Continuation from below) and then I came out and I was in a long long hole, a tunnel of black and void, not even black just colorless” “When I was there it all felt so real, but so torn apart. It felt like I was in pieces, like I was stomped on” This is our best description of the Afterlife so far. A static void with no colors or viable sensations, with only 3 known residents now that Tommy is not there any longer. A weird reality with a seemingly entirely different set of rules to our own.

“Death felt like my body was taken apart and then put together and then taken apart and put together here. It felt stretched man” “It felt like I was shredded to dust” “No it didn’t feel goo- it felt like I was put through a shredder, but there was no blood, there was no flesh it was just essence, like a powder and I was put through (continues in previous section)” This is Tommy’s complete description of his experience with death and what it felt like. Having to stay for months with this constant sensation it’s really no surprise he would be so hypersensitive to touch.

“Honestly I was kind of scared it wouldn’t work” So, here we got another indication of the fact that, while Dream killed Tommy in rage, having him stay dead was never his intention (despite him claiming he would never use the book on Tommy a couple of days prior). He never intended to severe his last attachment (I’m honestly not sure he even CAN seeing as how dependent he actually seem on Tommy), he literally only killed him because he was mad Tommy would question him and wanted to prove a point, but to prove his point in the first place he needed Tommy back. It’s also probably why he revived him so fast, his weird need to have control over Tommy, which he couldn’t have while Tommy was dead.

Why did he care so much about Tommy not believing him on the book, you may ask? Was it to save his own skin? It’s possible and I think that’s part of it, others being convinced that the only reason they kept Dream alive was a lie could cause his death. The other reason is that he seems, as I said before, to want to shift his and Tommy’s dynamic to an “us vs the world” type of deal, which would require Tommy in particular to believe everything he says.

We can now add being hit at all by Dream to Tommy’s ever growing list of trauma triggers as he seems to have a very vivid recollection of his death by Dream’s hands... also we need to point out their body language in this: Dream is constantly trying to get close to Tommy as much as he’s constantly insisting on getting more information, while Tommy alternates between getting close to Dream and pushing him away (could be he’s both seeking some kind of comfort, but is also very overwhelmed).

“Tell me, one more time: what was it like when you died?” “Did it feel good?” Dream’s insistence and exitment about Tommy’s very obvious extreme distress is honestly concerning, but expected. By now we can safely assume that he doesn’t really have any empathy, I know, bold claim, but is there any evidence to refute it? Any evidence at all? Because, so far, he has shown a distinct lack of empathy in any and all situations...

Another interesting thing was Tommy’s reaction to Dream’s probing questions: while he seemed to get increasingly distressed by them, he kept answering Dream every time with little hesitation only at times adding on things like calling Dream a monster for the way he was treating him. I honestly think this may have been because he was in desperate need of comfort, and having someone to confide into is part of that. And Dream was the only “someone” he had there.

We then get the whole exchange about how time in the Afterlife is different then in the normal plain of existence. I’ve seen people equate 1 day to 1 month, however that’s incorrect. That was Dream’s wrong assumption but, from whet Tommy said, we can guess that it was much more then that. Frist of all, the first month and 18-20 days Schlatt was still awake and he was the one making them keep count. That said, we know Schlatt has been asleep for around 3 months (we don’t know exactly how much as they lost count). Which means that Tommy’s stay in the Afterlife was much more around 5 months then 2, meaning 1 day in the Real World should equate to roughly 2.5 months in the Afterlife give or take. That is, of course, assuming time there moves in a regular way and there is an actual correspondence between Real World time and Afterlife time, which is not a given.

Tommy keeps asking for the people he find reassurance in (at least we can assume so) which, in this case, are: Tubbo, Jack, Phil, Fundy an Sapnap. It’s a pretty weirdly matched group of people but, apparently, they are the ones Tommy seeks out when he’s distressed. It would be interesting to see an analysis of his relationship with each of them, but this one is not about that I’m afraid. 

“Wait shut- shut up! Shut up! Sorry, I’m sorry” Tommy seems to have re-acquired some of his exile mannerism such as being overly apologetic and skittish, together with the lashing out more. None of this are good signs... he had just started healing as well...

“I... I’m a God! I can bring people back to life, I wasn’t even sure that I could, but I can!” Bringing Tommy back to life worsened Dream’s God Complex even further, because now he doesn’t only have power over Tommy, but everyone else as well. And, I mean... at this point he IS basically a God, he’s not even wrong on that. 

“Dream, Dream, listen to me. The things I saw, the things he talked about, the things he said he will and the things he WILL do... do not- promise me, never EVER bring back Wilbur! Please, please, please” In case anyone was wondering this is the exact thing Tommy said on Wilbur. He didn’t say he’s worse then Dream here, but he IS bad news, at least if we trust Tommy on it. Wilbur wasn’t only self-destructive when alive, he was destructive in general. He was dangerous to others as much as he was to himself and he DID hurt people. And this side of him seems to only have been accentuated by death.

 “Do NOT bring back Wilbur. Ever! Promise me you’ll never do that, alright? Dream, Dream, you are nothing, you’re nothing, you’re fine Dream! We can be friends if you don’t bring him back! You’re not even- all the tragedies you’ve done-” and here’s the part that I’m guessing people are interpreting as Tommy saying Wilbur is worst then Dream which is... a fair interpretation actually (considering that Tommy is not a reliable narrator). Now please don’t get me wrong, Alivebur as he was, wasn’t worse then Dream, but he had years in the afterlife to become even more radicalized in his beliefs. There is also the fact that Tommy doesn’t seem to put the harm done against him on the same level as that done against others: Dream has hurt Tommy worse then Wilbur ever did, but Wilbur’s potential harm against others might be greater in Tommy’s mind then Dream’s. That’s the reason why he’s offering something he knows Dream wants, which is his friendship, in order to keep Wilbur from coming back: because he truly doesn’t care about his own wellbeing as long as others are safe. Of course Dream’s response to this is: "It’s not up to you. It’s up to me because I- I have that control” which is very in character for the green blob with a God Complex

“What if, now that we know, we could send you back and you could figure out-” We can see that Dream has an utter fascination with this whole concept and, now that he knows revival works, he has no qualms with sending Tommy back (no matter how obviously traumatic it was for him) to get further information because, guess what? Death is not in any way an escape anymore. He can simply pull Tommy back as he pleases.

There is then the exchange about burning the book, but, as Dream has it memorized, they would need to kill Dream to get rid of the knowledge, but Tommy can’t bring himself to do it because he’s even more terrified of being stuck alone in the cell then he is of Dream bringing Wilbur back. 

“I wanna know about death. We can study it! We can study it together! We can become immortal together!” Again, if there were any doubts on Dream’s constant need of having Tommy under his control, this should dissolve them. There is truly not much more he can do to show how obsessed he is then offering Tommy to be immortals together, especially because we know that the ideal for him would be to have Tommy be completely dependent on him again. To have his favourite puppet under his control for eternity apparently... “I want absolutely fucking nothing to do with you” of course, as we said many times, Tommy doesn’t view their relationship in the same way. Tommy actually hates Dream and truly doesn’t want anything to do with him.

“You owe me your life” “Owe you my life? You beat m-!” Who’d know that Dream had some similar arguments to his apologists huh? But this does show how warped his view of reality is. I mean, he’s fully aware that he beat Tommy to death, but he still think Tommy should be grateful to him for bringing him back. 

“Now you can tell everyone that the book exists, that I'm not a liar!” Dream really went hard with the whole God Complex thing, even going as far as choosing his profet huh? Man’s just on a high horse and will never get down...

“Everyone... is my puppet” Welp, this is the culmination of his God Complex. The realisation that he has absolute power of life and death over everyone else. That he can play with them as he pleases. Also, may I add that, for basically this whole stream, he has used the “soft voice” he tends to do with Tommy whenever he’s trying to get him to comply? Like, I’m mentioining it now because it was particularly obvious in this last exchange, but it’s been there on and off the WHOLE time. 

“You killed me to prove your own point. You could have just showed me! You could have just- this is so evil. This is- this is- this isn’t like before. This isn’t you’ve blown up and- you’ve put me through torture, through pain, to prove a point, that’s fucked! You can’t do that to me... to anyone!” It took almost half an hour but Tommy has finally come to the full realisation of what happened to him, of why it happened and he’s honestly very understandably distraught about it (though it is to be said that it's arguably quite good that he understands that it wasn't okay for him either to be put through that as he tends to downplay his own suffering greatly). He has been through something unimaginable for us because Dream was upset that he didn’t believe him about the book. That’s all there was to it, that’s all the reason for his suffering. Like, he’s not wrong at all when he describes Dream as a monster, that’s literally the only accurate description of him. No normal person would put someone else through this for such a petty reason. 

“You’re soft Dream, you’re soft” Another valid point by Tommy. While Dream IS undoubtedly extremely powerful and extremely clever, he’s also petty, stubborn and childish. He throws violent temper tanrtums every time someone (especially Tommy) disagrees with him and mostly gets away with his bs because he has the power to back them up. That said he hardly ever lost, the only true loss he had was being locked in prison, and he managed to turn even that in his favour! But that’s the think: loosing makes you stronger, it often teaches you a lot and pushes you to get better. He (along with a couple of others) basically never had that. Tommy’s been through literal Hell and he survived that, he knows he can survive that. Dream? He may break at the first real hardship as far as we know!

“I’ll let you free, I’ll let you free alright? We’ll call for Sam, we’ll get him in here, he’ll let you out, but... I’m gonna bring back Wilbur and Wilbur- Wilbur is gonna help me escape” 2 things to unpack here (aside from the fact that he’s using the “soft voice” to say something extremely disturbing again):

1) Dream is, once again asserting his power over Tommy in two ways: by frasing it in a way that implies that it’s up to Dream wether Tommy leaves or not and by confirming again that Wilbur’s resurrection is entirely up to him and that Tommy’s opinion on the matter is utterly worthless

2) He fully intends to use Wilbur as a puppet as well because, as he says a bit later, if he brings him back then Wilbur will be indebted to him

And that’s how it’s concluded! 

My closing thoughts on this are that, generally, Dream’s level of dependence on Tommy seems to worsen as fast as his God Complex. man went from telling him that their story “would never be over” to offering him immortality in the span of little over a month. Tommy is Not Doing Good, AT ALL, but I’m hoping he’ll ask for help this time from other people because he literally cannot deal with this on his own. Wilbur will not be good news, but what he’ll do is still entirely uncertain, it is to be pointed out however that, at the beginning, his frasing at a certain point sounded scarily similar to Dream’s idea of “us vs the world” when he said that him and Tommy specifically are the single cause of conflict. I hope I’m wrong there because the LAST thing Tommy needs is another obsessive God-like individual in his life!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld