#but that's why it's so compelling

[kikizoshi]

I came across the realisation that Nikolai's motivation to kill Fyodor, as we understand it now, isn't compelling. I think that's my biggest issue with him. There are all these fanfics about it, and yet the one I've read where Fyodor's death is compelling, Nikolai hasn't ever even thought of killing him and doesn't want him to die (and yes, I'm including my fics with Fyodor's death in the "not compelling" category).

So, I tried to reframe it, taking some of my current experiences and what I know about Gogol, and I think I may have figured something out: Nikolai's core motivation right now could be to escape from reality.

This could be foreshadowed earlier on with things like a distaste for factually accurate (read: dull) stories, a love for acting and exaggerated impressions, and an aversion to talking issues out in his personal relationships.

But now it's worse, and has grown to an extent where he can't stand anything--he just wants to escape everything, but he can't. (This change would be brought about by some sort of terrible or tragic event--something that makes all his flawed coping mechanisms collapse entirely in a way they never have before. In my story, it's Fyodor disappearing and Nikolai finally giving up hope that he still lived. Anything awful enough would probably work, but I think a lot of care needs to be put into exactly what is the thing that pushes Nikolai over the edge--it says a lot about what he values.)

I visualise his wanting to escape reality with Stanzcyk (the Polish painting). Nikolai is the jester, but desperately wishes he could be carefree like the celebrating nobles in the background. But he can't. No matter what, no matter how he tries, he can't escape reality, and so he does the next best thing: he does the unthinkable. He becomes what any normal person can't even fathom, does what any sane man couldn't, and desperately tries to lose himself in it. (In my story, this is a worse version of what's already occurred: a few years ago, Nikolai became an actor in hopes of losing his misery to the stage, but when that failed and he became suicidal, Fyodor helped him pull through. Now, Nikolai tries to lose himself in a much more involved and self-destructive way (notably still through acting), and Fyodor, though much more negatively now, is still the force that's keeping him alive.)

At first, he may have even deluded himself into thinking he'd somewhat succeeded in losing himself, but then Fyodor makes his "in opposition to God" comment, and Nikolai is at once violently dragged back into himself. It's a wonderful feeling to be understood, yet terrible, because as long as such an anchor exists, he can never escape (bonus points if in a backstory fic, Fyodor being Nikolai's anchor to reality was a positive in their relationship, creating a contrast here).

And so now, every time he thinks about wanting to share a thought or idea with Fyodor, the only person with whom he can genuinely converse, he first gets a nice feeling at the thought, then falls into despair at the thought of losing that connection (Fyodor is constantly putting himself in mortal danger, and as much as Nikolai believes in him, it also makes sense to me that he'd be worried out of his mind at times), anger that his emotions still control him, and this reinforces his feelings of needing to escape. It's a constant merry-go-round of love and misery, and he just wants to be on stable ground, essentially.

And I think if I do that, it starts to be compelling. It's not quite there, let alone polished, but it's a lot farther than I've gotten before. And 'Arcane' story analyses are really helping me with contrast, callbacks and foreshadowing.

[moncuries]

guess what i watched on new years (a redraw kind of)

[notemaker]

Getting out of the comfort zone can be uncomfortable.

[lungthief]

listen. i know it's not 2014 anymore and i know it's just a throwaway line and that the russo brothers didnt intend for marvel action blockbuster captain america the winter soldier to become the tragic gay love story that never was but man. having steve say "it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience" in a conversation about romantic relationships right before the bucky reveal is so cruel. it's not just about steve and bucky obviously having the shared experience of being "out of time," it's the fact that they've both been stripped of their humanity in opposite directions. steve is a legend, he is an american hero and a national icon before he is a human being the same way that bucky is a weapon and a killing machine before he is a human being. steve knows that anyone who falls in love with him in the 21st century fell in love with captain america first, and that's just not him. but then the one person who knew him first and knew him best and loved him (not captain america, that little guy from brooklyn) so much he died for it is alive, impossibly. and it's a miracle because he's back and it's horrific because he's back under the worst possible circumstances. but to steve, the winter soldier is worth tearing the world apart for because he's always been bucky first. they find each other and suddenly they're human again. and maybe, despite it all, being "out of time" becomes a blessing, because in this century they'd finally be allowed to love each other the way they've always wanted to. like real people do.

like. no. the captain america trilogy isn't about two queer men traumatized and alienated by war and modern life rediscovering and reclaiming their humanity through their love for each other. but. i mean. it couldve been

[time-woods]

so i finally watched good omens after years of putting it off. . .

this is how i cope with most things

[demaparbat-hp]

WIP

[krazieka2]

I've played the Fire Emblem Husbando Dating Simulator Games

[tennant-davids]

DOCTOR WHO

You never know, there could be someone out there. Maybe, one day. Happy New Year.

[leclercskiesahead]

Ummmmmmmm

[thelaurenshippen]

911 really is such a good reminder of the particularly kind of joy that is weekly, seasons-long shows with many episodes per season. every character gets a moment to shine even in a truncated season. the satisfaction of seeing characters grapple with stuff that happened YEARS ago. having multi-episode arcs and one-off arcs that are equally enjoyable. beach episodes (metaphorical). I know we're all saying this all the time but why can't more tv be like this

[tubbytarchia]

Oh, I'll bow my head, I'll clip my wings I was never gonna make it anyway (x)

[fruitageoforanges]

elia martell character of all time because she was playing the game of thrones AND WINNING — survived aerys, set up an alternate court on dragonstone, universally beloved even by most of robert’s anti-targ regime, was probably at least angling to get rid of aerys — but the literal song of ice and fire was being written around her and well. you can’t outrun your inevitable doom.

like. that’s elia’s tragedy, and what makes me so insane about her. she was in the wrong story. she was playing the game of court politics but ended up yoked to 300 years of targaryen collapse and dynastic rot instead. there’s nothing i love more than characters doing their best with the pieces they can see on the board, while the fact slowly dawns on them that the board is in the process of being swallowed by an eldritch monster.

[szfiction]

This parallel makes me insane actually (and there is something incredibly Lawlu about it to me)

[nattikay]

...hmm...just thinkin' about an Avatar "no angst" AU, y'know, like an AU where the characters who died in the first movie just...didn't? For example...

• Tsu'tey and Sylwanin are both alive and well. They officially tied the knot not long after the point when Sylwanin would've died in canon, and already have a child together by the time Jake arrives on Pandora.

• Eytukan also lives and therefore he and Mo'at are still leading the clan, though of course Tsu'tey and Sylwanin are next in line.

• Because the schoolhouse incident never happened in this AU, Grace was never kicked out of the village; her school is still running and she is on good terms with the Omatikaya.

• The RDA is overall less psychotic than they are in canon, and the Avatar Program has been largely successful in establishing diplomacy with the local clans. There is still some level of tension between the humans and the Na'vi of course, because the humans are ultimately still there to mine unobtainium and the Na'vi would prefer there was no mining at all, but in this AU the RDA is at least principled enough to not do things like bulldoze the Tree of Voices or bomb Hometree etc. (so, Hometree is still standing). Jake was never asked to spy on the Na'vi.

• Grace is actually the one to introduce Jake to Neytiri when she brings Jake and Norm along to the school one day. Neytiri is intrigued by the goofy non-scientist "warrior" dreamwalker and Jake finds himself equally intrigued by her; they begin spending more and more time together, and when Jake expresses curiosity about her way of life Neytiri just naturally kinda takes it upon herself to teach him the ways of the clan.

• Because Neytiri is neither tsakarem nor engaged to Tsu'tey in this AU, her romance with Jake is not quite as ~forbidden~ as it was in canon (and honestly they make zero effort to hide their feelings; the whole clan knows lol). The only remaining barrier is the fact that he's a dreamwalker and how that may affect things.

• Jake and Neytiri fall head over heels for each other about as fast as they do in canon; after three months Jake is already fully convinced that he wants remain with Neytiri and the clan for the rest of his life rather than ever go back to Earth, where there is nothing left for him. Even getting the spinal surgery to fix his legs no longer holds any interest for him, since of course his avatar body can walk just fine.

• By that point Neytiri begs Mo'at and Eytukan to let Jake do the coming-of-age ceremonies and become part of the clan so they can become mates. Mo'at and especially Eytukan are hesitant, but Mo'at consults Eywa and Eywa sends a sign of approval, so they allow it. Jake spends about an extra month preparing more specifically for Iknimaya and Uniltaron, and soon after completing those he and Neytiri actually get to have a proper mating ceremony. Jake does go through the permanent consciousness transfer at some point, though I haven't yet come up with the exact circumstances there...

• The Sully kids get to have more extended family! Grandpa Eytukan, Uncle Tsu'tey, and Aunt Sylwanin are all still around, along with a handful of cousins (Tsu'tey's and Sylwanin's kids).

• Quaritch never shot Grace in this AU, which means she never had to undergo the attempted consciousness transfer, which means Kiri wasn't conceived the way she was in canon. Buuuuuut I still want Kiri as part of the Sully family, so in this AU she is Jake and Neytiri's biological daughter and Neteyam's twin. She doesn't have the special Eywa powers that she has in canon, but does still have a spiritually-minded personality, and is a strong candidate for next tsakarem after Sylwanin. Grace still adores and dotes on her, especially when she shows interest in botany.

• Norm and Trudy are happy in a long-term relationship.

• There was no Battle at the Hallelujah Mountains, therefore Paz didn't die and was still around to raise Spider (undecided on how involved Quaritch was though).

• I like to imagine that in this AU Paz and Trudy are good friends, both being pilots and all. It's through Trudy that Paz and Spider become involved with folks from the Avatar program and Spider meets the Sully kids.

• Because she doesn't have the RDA-related traumas she has in canon, Neytiri is totally chill with Spider in this AU. She is mostly just curiously amused by the strange little human boy running around with his Na'vi friends.

• Spider is semi-trilingual English/Spanish/Na'vi. English is his go-to since everyone he knows can speak it, but he can also do some Spanish (Paz and maybe Trudy's influence) and quite a lot of Na'vi (Omatikaya influence, though Norm was thrilled to help when he caught wind that Spider was interested in learning). Sometimes he (subconsciously) mixes up a combination of any two or even all three and spews out mishmash sentences no one else understands immediately and has to stop and re-word.

• Because Quaritch is not the Big Bad Evil Guy the way he is in canon, Spider isn't really bothered by being called Miles. However, the nickname "Spider" somehow just stuck when he was very young so most people still call him that; it's mostly just Paz (and Quaritch) who call him Miles.

• Jake is not Toruk Makto in this AU, because with the RDA being more cooperative/less aggressive, he never needed to be. He and Neytiri are just normal (albeit well-liked/respected) hunters in the clan. Perhaps eventually a day will come when Toruk Makto is needed and Jake will have some reason to step up...but not yet. He's perfectly content being just a regular clan member.

• This has the side-effect of lessening Neteyam and Lo'ak's dramatic stunts as teenagers, because the legacy they're trying to live up to is simply "strong respectable hunter" rather than "legendary olo'eyktan Toruk Makto"

[raspberryjellybrains]

I really enjoy the contrast between the attitude towards killing in PJO and MCGA. Percy doesn't like killing and only does it when he has to, while feeling very tortured that he is quite good at violence despite wanting to avoid it. then Magnus shows up and his first resort is killing and he is so so bad at it. his sword is swinging him for god's sake, this boy is so cringefail at fighting and it is his first instinct, which goes entirely unquestioned. really a beautiful, beautiful contrast.

[invinciblerodent]

do you have any idea how obsessed I am with this fucking line right now

like I can't be the only one who thinks this sounds like it could be a callback, right? Like the words "cuddly Astarion" were said at least once before???????