#but there's different kinds of absence

[goldpilot22]

yesterday I watched the first 3 episodes of princess tutu with some friends. very good show, wasn't expecting it to be so... emotionally heavy ig? but in a good way. the 3rd episode really hit me hard, I had to stop after that and just cry for a while.

[canisalbus]

About the accents: if someone has a very "proper" Italian they are either foreigners or politicians/dignitaries/etc. So that fits perfectly for Machete, but I think it would be so funny if he sometimes slipped up and used a Nepalese word bc he forgot one in "proper" Italian lol

(Funny to me cause Naples has its own language in addition to accent, and most people don't actually know those words)

.

[divorcemotif]

the latter part of the latest tsv remind anyone else of the premise of that one eskew episode

[satans-knitwear]

yoooo a friend keeps telling me how much he loves me, knowing i don't feel the same, even after i've asked him to stop and tbh im a little scared to just cut him out of my life. do you have any advice? idk if i should get a restraining order or just block and hope for the best

A real friend would absolutely NOT keep throwing on that kind of pressure and insistence. So by blocking them on everything ever, you will be losing nothing! Blocking is always my go-to. Never over-think it, just do it, bc that is completely your right. No one has the right to access you if you do not want that.

[aethernightmare]

[serpulalacrymans]

have you gone to therapy before?

When I was very young. It wasn't my decision. I wasn't there for long.

[tortoisesshells]

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest? 38. What is your most self-indulgent posted story? 80. Free space! Okay, be honest. What's your writing ego like? How does it manifest?

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

Despite my scrap file for Customs having about 10,000 words of trash from the first 5,000 word chapter, I really do find the beginning the easiest part of writing: you already know what the plot is going to be, you know what characters are involved, you just need to get it all on the board. It's like a tableaux vivant. It's when stuff starts moving that it gets hard. Endings are impossible, for me. I don't do a very good job tidying up the loose ends, and my preferred method for finishing out a story, either of 100 words or 100K+ is "and the adventure continues!" more-or-less. I've been stuck on Chapter 31 of Customs because we're very much getting into the last quarter of the game and I really have no faith that I can stick the landing, and Chapter 31 really is, if I may mix my sport metaphors, the gymnast running down the balance beam towards the dismount. I'm spooked.

38. What is your most self-indulgent posted story?

Answered here, but I should also plug yet apt the verse, a slice of life drama which contains 100% more doggerel poetry, as well as general naval history, compared to Mercy Street's baseline. Given that it's a show about a Union Army hospital in the American Civil War, the baseline of naval history is nil, for reference. I just like boats.

80. Free space! Okay, be honest. What's your writing ego like? How does it manifest?

I've been sitting with this (and talked to you briefly!) and it's been a little mortifying to reflect on. It's easier to admit to my insecurities as a writer than it is to admit to what I'm perhaps too proud of - admitting to the latter really does feel like taping a "Kick Me!" sign over my kidneys - that I'm inviting people to think, either to themselves or out loud, "christ, she's not that good." And, in a way, I feel particularly goofy for having an opinion about my ability to write fanfic - and goofy for saying I feel goofy, because at the end of the day, it's just a hobby like cross-stitching or running. I'm allowed to be proud of my stitch work, even if it's not to everyone's taste. The obvious answer is I'm a little prideful about research. I can be a little (a lot) self indulgent about it, but generally speaking, I think I do a good job of navigating incorporating historical detail as a part of the plot and characterization without totally overwhelming the whole. I'm sure the fact that of the fandoms I've written the most for (Mercy Street, PotC, and 1899) the fact that two of them are only loosely period dramas actually makes this look like a stupid hill to die on. Yeah, I wrote a neat little tidbit about Edward J. Smith's career at the White Star Line into the endnotes, but considering 1899's strained relationship with reality ... like. What have I accomplished other than preening about my ability to disappear down rabbitholes? It's self-congratulatory. And yet. The other thing is that I can be immensely convinced that I have the right of it, especially in terms of characterization. I can tell myself that it's a preference, that all characters have a little leeway for interpretation in some way or another, but there's certainly some pride in my own judgment being the correct one, and the one I'm the most interested in humoring as a writer. I was writing about my favorite parts of the writing process being the parts with the greatest chance of socialization (brainstorming and outlining with friends/co-conspirators, responding to comments) and there's something sort of ... striking? in how one's writer's ego - my writer's ego - tends to be the least sociable part of me. I know what I'm doing - I'm such a clever little retriever of facts - it's all about me.

Fanfiction Writing Asks!

[bibiana112]

Girl are you okay? Cause you've been looking through the "My lesbian experience with loneliness" tag again

Well the short answer is no :D

[nimblermortal]

Me leaving the doctor's office: I have successfully been normal in this interaction

The doctor greeting my mother for her appointment months later: Oh, you're Nimbler's mother? What a neat person she is!

-----

Anyway, everyone should take a notebook to their doctor's appointment and keep notes when the doctor explains what is going on.

[coldvampire]

ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?

going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.

[corrodedcoughin]

Hope you're doing alright out there in the big world, just wanted to leave a little message of well wishes in your box in the mean time 💜

Hello anon friend, how are you? Thank you for sending this, I was on a month(?) of absence and now you must all suffer my return 💪😔

[rotzaprachim]

thinking about the whole plot with jyn weaving the shroud in the cassdyssey. WHo is she weaving it for? The most obvious answer is Saw Gerrera, which is a really fascinating option- further from the Homer, but a really interesting insight into her and Saw’s connection as well as a link in that Saw is probably still alive. (side note- i’m not really an expert in ancient greek customs and i guess a funerary shroud is something that WOULD take a very long time to make but it’s still kind of darkly goth-bitch hilarious to me that penelope is weaving a shroud for someone who is STILL ALIVE. suitor voice: marry me! penelope voice: i can’t im busy i’m weaving a shroud for my in laws. suitor voice: oh is he dead? penelope voice: he will be.) 

but the longer we spend hinting at the edges of Clem Andor’s story and the shape he’s left in the whole of the story, the more I think it has to go back to the Homer and take the more linear comparison of Clem to Laertes. because the whole thing with Klem is that he never did get a burial shroud. his death was not something anyone but Cassian and Maarva were going to remember. he would not be mourned as a father or dying king. the violent, visceral image we’re left with is the physicality of snow lightly heaping on the folds of his jacket as his hanged body sways, back and forth, the polar opposite to being laid to rest in the earth wrapped in cloth. and the gouge that leaves is quaking emptiness of the universe. penelope is weaving and undoing the shroud to buy time, but in so many ways cassian is making and unmaking the story of his father’s death in his mind to avoid the reckoning he’ll be forced into if he faces it, full on. the show itself, the story, is the weaving of Clem andor’s shroud 

[infizero]

i think every piece of media needs a character haunting the narrative. just a little

[keikakudori]

mini tag dump since tumblr seems to have forgotten all about my tags. ignore this.

aigin [ MY LUNGS ARE PUNCTURED—YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY ]

aishin [ I WANT MY HEART TO SHUDDER AT A TOUCH ]

ichimaru gin [ most honored poison of my heart ]

aizen sousuke [ the beaming sun itself; something dangerous and yet captivating ]

kaname tosen [ i knew a man once / who fought like he could cleanse the world with the blood on his knuckles ]

[ verse: blood war ] as I cannot be the hero let me be the monster and lesson them in fear in place of love.

[ verse: fukutaichou ] it is still too early to believe; what's truly frightening is the betrayal you don't see.

[ verse: soul king ] all the stars will fall from grace with your name engraved in the dust of their deaths.

[ verse: muken ] you said i killed you so haunt me & drive me mad; only do not leave me in the abyss where i cannot find you.

[ verse: vizard ] can you still feel the battles on my skin stitched across my back? am i rebuilding bone by fragile bone?

[ verse: wanderer ] i need something different. I don’t know what it is but I need something new.

[ verse: hueco mundo ] there is a massacre ready behind his eyes & war written on his body.

[ verse: sternritter ] when the silence of absence deepens

[eyetheguard]

Did your muse have a favorite toy that they absolutely can’t go without? + Why did the muse’s parents/guardians choose their name? Does it hold a special meaning? (For Milo and Tatjenen!)

For Milo:

His birth mom gave him a small stuffed rabbit, and he's had it his entire life. When he was very young it was his 'adventure companion' in that he brought it with him everywhere; he did his chores with it propped up on the closest shelf or fallen log until he was a teenager. He'd talk to it when he had a difficult time missing his mom. Once it was sort of thread-bare (but lovingly mended), he kept it with the rest of his birth mom's belongings that he inherited for safekeeping. It still smells faintly of lavender despite him having it as long as he can remember and never replacing the satchel inside.

Milo's full first name is Maximiloix, and as far as he knows it's a relatively common name. Sadly he has no idea why it was chosen for him.

For Tatjenen:

Tatjenen's favorite toy was hacky sacks! Less for the actual game and more for the sacks themselves - his mother would make them from many jewel-toned jacquard fabrics and embroider or bead them, so they were overly ornate for their purpose. Even the beads used to fill them were made from different colorful stones! Still, his mother insisted they were for playing with as opposed to sitting unused on a shelf. He still has quite a few of them in a basket in his living space and later on in his office when he assumes the seat of Azem, and although he doesn't really play hacky sack anymore he does pass them back and forth in his hands when his mind is elsewhere.

As for his name, Tatjenen was named prophetically - Tatjenen is a deity in ancient Egyptian mythology, and related to creation. Tatjenen's (the ancient) parents were notable researchers who put their all into their work, and it was assumed he would follow in their footsteps to push the limits of what their society could do with creation magicks. Instead, he goes out of his way to not use creation magicks at except for relatively mundane things, because he struggles to control himself. The deity is also androgynous, and known to be the source of many flora and minerals that come from the earth - and as such, Tatjenen embodies those qualities. Funnily enough, most of his colleagues refer to him as Tanuu, assuming it's a nickname - it's another name for the deity, and a legitimate way to refer to him; he just prefers Tatjenen. Outside of his parents, who have long since returned, only four people refer to him as Tatjenen.

[sins-of-the-sea]

Where's Guy??? I miiiiiiss him ;-;

“I don’t know! I don’t know! Phoebus said something horrible to him and the next time Guy came back, his hair was snowy white and he was covered in all these cuts and bruises! And even when the Captain was all warm and supportive and welcoming of him, Guy still went away! All because I wanted to do something nice this Christmas season! 

“And now he’s not here to make stupid nerdy observations or put me down whenever I want to brag and it’s weird and it’s lonely and I want him back! He and Gio were my first real friends! We made a promise under the Peach Tree! We were supposed to be the Three Musketers (sic)! Please come back home, Guy!! I can’t be the World’s Greatest Chinese Hero without you!”