#but they seem like theyd be at the club

[merylshades]

i never interacted with the jrwi fandom in so long. hope this makes sense.

[calkale]

i fear i have to stop going to tennis club after the first meet 😔

[candlewitches]

cannot sleep mostly because of pain but also bc i am still full of rage at the former (and now current again LMAO) execs of my former larp. like literally. “i can excuse (alleged) mismanagement, fraud, and embezzlement, but i draw the line at a sternly worded announcement”

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

okay hi just a warning rq my autocorrect is off bc it autocorrected my friend’s name to fuckin malayalam on accident. i dont like autocorrect.

ANYWAY! ive been listening to my lovely olivia rodrigo lately, specifically her new song obsessed. i wanted to know if you could make a fic with Ethan x fem! reader where readers bitchy friend has this ex (Ethan) and she made him out to be a real dick. like, manipulating and everything.

reader eventually meets him and it turns out that she remembers… a lot about him considering her friend is a constant yapper and cant shut up about him. Ethan actually turns out to be a real cutie patootie and could literally never hurt anyone.

a few days later theyd meet again at some club or party maybe where they end up hitting it off… a little too well.. yeah so she ends up in his bed (smut part, very dom ethan plspls 😛😛). they could be talking about something really random and then reader brings up how her friend basically completely lied about him and said he was a piece of shit when he really wasnt. like a realllll fluffy end before a small cliffhanger thats never gonna get finished where her friend ends up finding out and texting her.

so sorry if thats too long or confusing idk but i actually love your work so much im lowkey your #1 fan. 😍😍😍

HELLO! I switched this up a little, I hope that's okay! 💕

Also, I fucking loved the 'leave it on a cliffhanger part that won't get finished' because WHY IS THAT WHAT I DO lmao

Obsessed - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 1

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Part 2

Summary: Your friend told you horrible lies about her ex-boyfriend, and once you get to know him, you realize he's not the monster she made him out to be.

Contains: Mentions of a toxic relationship, Dom-ish cocky Ethan, rough-ish sex, oral - f receiving, p in v, fluff (If I missed anything, PLEASE let me know. I'm sleep deprived atm)

A/N: This was the one that pulled me out of my writers block, lmao. It's still not where I want it to be, but I'm TRYING. I'll try to post more this week, but I will be busy so bear with me haha.

You didn’t know Ethan Landry, but you knew you didn’t like him. He used to date one of your friends, and after hearing all the horrible things he’d said and done during their relationship, you thought he was really scummy.

They dated in high school and couldn’t get enough of each other, so they wanted to go to the same college. They broke up right before freshman year started, and after almost a year, she still talked about him every chance she got. She’d tell you how controlling he was. The things he’d call her when he was mad. How he cheated on her. You couldn’t believe that she stayed in the relationship for as long as she did, because she never had anything good to say, except that she loved him.

You’d seen pictures of him, and after walking into one of your classes at the start of the new semester, you saw him in person for the first time. He was so shy as he took his seat in the lecture hall, some of the girls making their little comments about the rumors they’d heard about him. He didn’t seem like the type that would do the things your friend said, but maybe he was just really good at playing innocent. All you knew was that you needed to keep your distance from him.

When you met up with your friend later that day for lunch, you didn’t know if you wanted to bring up Ethan being in the same class as you, but once she brought him up, you decided to tell her.

“Speaking of Ethan…I saw him today,” you said, before taking a bite of your food. Her face dropped as she looked at you.

“Where did you see him?” she questioned. You explained that you saw him in one of your new classes, and she rolled her eyes. “Can you believe he still tries to text me?”

“What I can’t believe is that you haven’t blocked him,” you said, “I know I’d hate to see someone that treated me like shit’s name pop up on my phone.”

She started to giggle as you curiously stared at her. “I have him saved in my phone as ‘Tall loser with a small dick’, so I laugh every time he does text me.”

“That’s not toxic at all,” you said, as you started to think about what she’d said. “Wait, he treated you as bad as he did and has a small dick? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“All he had going for him was that he was cute,” she said, “But seriously, if I were you, I’d stay away from him.”

“Oh, please. Like I’d even want to be near him.”

Your morning wasn’t going as expected. You slept through all of your alarms; you didn’t have time to stop for coffee. You didn’t think your day could get any worse, until you walked into class and noticed the only empty seat available was beside Ethan. You took a deep breath before you walked over and sat down. Once you reached into your backpack, you realized that your laptop wasn’t there. You were in such a hurry when you ran out of your dorm and didn’t even think to grab it.

“Shit,” you whispered, “I’m so stupid.”

“Here,” Ethan said, passing you a notebook and a pen. You curiously looked at him as he offered a weak smile. “I always keep an extra notebook, just in case.”

“Thanks,” you said, a half-smile playing on your lips.

Once class started, you were taking your notes, but you kept glancing over to Ethan. He was so focused on typing that he didn’t notice, but you couldn’t help but wonder if everything your friend told you was true. At that moment, he didn’t seem like a jerk. Then again, he had only spoken a handful of words to you.

Ethan was aware of all the things that were said about him. He hoped that after a few weeks it all would’ve blown over, but once you have an angry ex-girlfriend paint you as some horrible, emotionally abusive asshole, it’s hard to come back from that. He knew that it was best for him to just keep his head down until he was able to transfer to a different school, where no one knew who he was. He was miserable at Blackmore, and he really had no reason to stick around, aside from the few friends he’d made.

After class was over, you tore the pages of notes you’d taken from the notebook to give it back to Ethan.

“Thanks again,” you said, as you handed it back to him.

“You’re welcome,” he said, shoving it back in his backpack. “I thought about just emailing you my notes, but I didn’t know if you’d want that.”

“You’re telling me I didn’t have to spend the last hour trying to write that fast?” you asked, as he flashed you a sweet, genuine smile. “Why wouldn’t someone want that?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s because most people here hate me,” he said, sliding the straps of his backpack over his shoulders. “You’ve probably heard things about me.”

“Yeah…are they true?” you asked, as he shook his head.

“You’re the first person that’s asked me that. Everyone else just assumes everything is true,” he sighed, “But no, I’m not a bad person.”

You started to feel so guilty. You’d said plenty of bad things about him, but you only heard one side of the story. With your friends’ story changing so many times, getting more dramatic each time she told it, you were starting to realize that it was all bullshit. You still didn’t know exactly what happened, but you were curious to know what the truth was.

“You okay?” Ethan asked, noticing that you were lost in thought as you stood in front of him.

“I’m friends with your ex,” you said, as his smile slowly fell. “What’s the real story?”

He sat back down in his seat as the other students piled out of the room. You sat beside him as you waited for him to speak.

“I really loved her…but she was just so controlling. Then she cheated on me when she went to the beach with her family. I didn’t find out about that until right before we started college,” he said, looking over to you. “She was pissed that I broke up with her, then all these horrible things about me started going around.”

“That’s fucked up,” you said, as he nodded.

“Yeah, she’s still been trying to text me. I finally blocked her a few days ago.”

“Wait, she said you’ve been trying to text her,” you said, his eyes growing wide at your words.

“Her number’s been deleted from my phone for months. I have no interest in talking to her,” he said, “I know this must be weird for you since you are her friend, but I think it’s cool that you wanted to hear me out.”

“Well, I feel like I need to apologize…I’ve said some things about you that weren’t true.”

“She’s a good liar. She has almost the entire school hating me so it doesn’t surprise me that her friend does, too,” he said, as he stood back up.

“I don’t hate you,” you said, smiling at him. “I don’t know if you’d want to, and I know she’d kill me, but if you ever want to hang out sometime, let me know.”

“I’d like that.”

Ethan was kicking himself for not asking you for your number, or shit, even your social media so he could DM you. He thought you were beautiful, but he knew that hoping for a chance with you would be a reach. He really just needed more people in his life that believed him to make the time he still had at the university more enjoyable.

Your friend begged you to come to a random frat party that you didn’t feel like going to in the first place. After your talk with Ethan, you weren’t even sure you wanted to be around her. You still went, and after searching for her for almost an hour, you checked your phone to see a message from her that she wasn’t coming, and that she ran into one of the guys she’d been hooking up with on the way to the party.

“Why the fuck am I even here?” you said to yourself as you locked your phone and slid it into the back pocket of your jeans.

“Hopefully to hang out with me, if your offer’s still good,” you heard from behind you, recognizing Ethan’s voice.

“Hey,” you said as you turned to face him. “I didn’t expect to see the most hated man on campus here.”

“My roommate told me that if I stayed in my dorm tonight, he’d throw my Xbox out the window,” he said, glancing over to the muscular guy that was watching Ethan talk to you.

“Ah, so you were threatened into being social,” you said, as he started to laugh.

“I guess you could say that. Do you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

Ethan wasn’t much of a drinker; you could tell by the sour look on his face every time he took a sip. It gave him a little confidence though, as the two of you talked and got to know each other a little better.

“I don’t think I can drink this anymore,” he said, sitting the cup down on a table. You sat yours down too, and as soon as you did, someone bumped into you, shoving you into Ethan.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you said, looking up at him. Your chest was pressed closely against his, his hands on your hips from catching you.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, “You can stay this close to me all night, if you want.”

“Are you always this smooth? Or is it the alcohol?” you questioned as he smirked at you.

“I’m only buzzed,” he said, before he leaned down, placing his lips on yours.

Chad was still watching Ethan from afar, cheering and thrusting his fist in the air once he saw Ethan kiss you. He started to laugh against your lips before he pulled away to stare daggers through his roommate for interrupting the moment.

“I can’t take him anywhere,” Ethan said, as you smiled at him.

“We could go somewhere more private,” you suggested, as he took your hand in his.

“Want to go back to my dorm? He’ll be here for a while so I know we can talk without being interrupted.”

“Sure!”

Once you made it back to Ethan’s dorm, you were starting to think that he really did just want to talk. You enjoyed listening to him, though. He was telling you about all his hobbies and interests, and you were telling him yours. You started to glance around his side of the dorm room, noticing the cliché, dorky things you’d expect to see.

“Nice Star Wars poster, nerd,” you joked, as he smirked at you.

“Oh, I’m a nerd?” he said, as he nudged you back on his bed. He was hovering over you, his mouth inches from yours. The sexual tension got so thick as his eyes looked into yours, his hand rubbing your hip.

“Mhm,” you said, the corner of your bottom lip in between your teeth. “A hot nerd.”

He felt his cheeks start to heat up, and he really didn’t want you to notice, so he leaned down to finally connect his lips to yours. It didn’t take long for the kiss to get more intense, his tongue brushing across your bottom lip. You let him deepen the kiss, his tongue moving with yours as his hands started to roam. You whimpered into the kiss once his hand squeezed your thigh, your hips started to squirm underneath him.

He pulled away but still stayed close so the two of you could catch your breath. You were reading each other’s faces, and it was obvious that you both wanted more.

“How far do you want this to go?” he asked, his breathing still heavy as his eyes looked into yours.

“As far as you want,” you said, your sweet tone making him groan.

“That’s not what I asked you,” he said, as he leaned back down to kiss your neck. His curls were tickling you, but the only reaction you had were the soft moans slipping past your lips from how well his mouth moved. His hips were rutting into yours, showing you how hard he was for you.

“I want you to fuck me,” you said, as he pulled away to look at you.

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

Ethan was a little, well, very eager. He got you undressed in what felt like seconds, leaving you in just your panties. Once he stripped down to just his boxers, you got a little curious. You glanced down to see his hard cock straining against the fabric, and started to laugh to yourself, your gaze going to the ceiling.

“What’s funny?” he asked, as he hovered back over you to take one of your nipples in his mouth. Your laughing stopped, a gasp slipping out when he started to suck. “I asked you a question,” he teased, before moving to the other side.

“She really does lie about everything,” you said, as his tongue swirled. “She said you had a small dick.”

He started to laugh against you, before he pulled back. “That’s funny, because she couldn’t take it.”

“I can,” you said, his smile turning to a smirk as his hand trailed down your body to rub you over your panties.

“We’ll see about that,” he said, as he moved lower down the bed to position himself between your thighs.

He slid your panties down your legs, before running his fingers over your wet pussy. Your eyes stayed on him, your bottom lip in between your teeth as he teased you. Your anticipation just kept building as he moved down the bed, positioning himself in between your thighs. He leaned in, slipping his tongue inside your entrance.

He was sloppily eating you out, his head moving from side to side. His arms hooked under your thighs to pull you as close to his face as he could as your hands went to his hair.

“So good,” you whimpered, your breathing getting faster as he worked you closer to your orgasm.

He slid his tongue out of you to focus on your clit, quickly replacing it with two of his fingers. Your back was arching off the bed as he moved his arm back and forth, applying as much pressure as he could to that spongy spot inside you as he sucked on your swollen bundle of nerves.

“You’re gonna make me cum,” you babbled, as he started to chuckle with your clit in his mouth.

That was all it took for your legs to start shaking and your grip on his hair getting even tighter. Once your pussy started to clench around him, he slowed his fingers to a slow roll, not wanting to overstimulate you. His tongue gently licked your clit as he worked you through it, your whimpers getting softer as you came down from your high.

“That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” you admitted through your shaky breathing. Ethan started to laugh a little as you looked at him, your eyes hazy. “What?”

“Just wait until I’m inside you,” he cockily said, “You still confident that you can handle it?”

“I know I can,” you said, your legs instinctively spreading wide for him as his fingertips ran up your thigh.

“What are you going to do when no one else can make you feel as good as I do?” he questioned, as one of his fingers started to rub circles on your clit.

“I guess I’d have to keep you around then,” you said, as he shook his head.

“You’d only have me until summer starts,” he said, his finger moving faster. “I’m transferring to a different school after this year.”

“No, you’re not..fuck. I’ll convince you to stay,” you said, relaxing into the bed as he teased you.

Ethan pulled his hand away from your pussy before he slid his boxers off. He crawled back on top of you and reached over to his bedside table to grab a condom.

“I might let you convince me,” he said, as he lined up with your entrance. You tensed up a little because you knew how big he was. “Relax, baby.”

You did as he said, taking a deep breath as he inched his way inside of you. You were moaning as he stretched you out, and when you thought he was all the way in, he just kept going.

“Oh fuck,” you whimpered, feeling so full as he finally came to a stop, wanting to give you plenty of time to adjust. “Told you..Fuck, I told you I could take it,” you said, already struggling to speak.

“Don’t get cocky,” he said, your mouth falling open as he started to move. “I’m going to ruin this pussy.”

“Ruin it,” you said, challenging him as your lusty, hooded eyes connected with his.

It took everything in Ethan to not immediately start pounding into you, but he didn’t want to hurt you. He started slow, your eyebrows already furrowing together, low moans slipping past your lips. The head of his cock hit that special spot every single time, but you needed more. He sped up a little as your legs wrapped around him, your hands gripped tightly around his biceps.

“Maybe you can take it,” he said, his breathing getting heavier. “Can I go faster?”

“Yes,” you whimpered, as his hips moved quicker.

Your brain was starting to turn to mush, the babbles slipping past your lips making absolutely no sense. The only thing your mind could process in that moment was how good Ethan was making you feel. He thought you were adorable, already so cock drunk, and he wasn’t even close to being done with you yet. He kept his pace, but occasionally thrust a little harder to see if you could take it, the loud moans slipping past your lips as your nails started to dig into his arms letting him know that you could.

He angled your hips to go even deeper. His pace was a little slow as he made sure you were okay. Your eyes were pleading with him to go faster, because you knew the words weren’t going to come out of your mouth. It was getting so hard for him to hold back, so he finally let go. He started to pound into you so hard that your skin was tingling, all the nerves in your body on edge. Your toes were curling as he slammed into your g-spot, your whimpers turning to cries as you felt your orgasm starting to build. It was hard for you to keep your eyes open, and you were sure Ethan was going to have your nail marks on his arms forever with how hard you were squeezing him.

“Fuck,” was the only word you were able to get out, your legs wrapping tightly around him as your body started to involuntarily jolt. Ethan was sure that everyone in the surrounding dorm rooms knew what was happening, because you were being so loud. He wasn’t letting up though. He loved that he was making you feel that good.

It only took a few more deep thrusts before your entire body started to tremble, loud whines flooding out of your mouth as the wave of euphoria washed over you. He chased his own orgasm as he fucked you through it, your pussy clenching him so tight that he was moaning himself.

“I’m almost there, baby,” he said, a slight rasp in his voice from all the panting he’d been doing.

You went limp, your grip on his arms and your legs around his waist relaxing as his hips started to falter, a loud groan slipping past his lips as he released into the condom.

He took a minute to catch his breath before he slid out of you. His abs were burning and his arms were sore from your nails, but he quickly got up to take the condom off so he could take care of you.

He crawled in the bed next to you as you adjusted to lay your head on his chest, still so fucked out that it was hard to process your thoughts. Ethan just held you close, his hands softly rubbing over your bare back as you relaxed into his touches.

“You’re okay, right?” he asked, after a few minutes of you not saying anything. You lazily nodded as your hand moved to rub across his chest.

You laid there in silence as you started to think about what’d just happened. You knew your friend was going to be pissed if she ever found out, but did that even matter? She made almost the entire university hate Ethan for things he never did, and it made you sad that he felt like he needed to switch to a different school so he wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

“So…” you finally said, “How can I convince you to stay?”

He let out a nervous laugh, not knowing the best way to respond. “I can’t take people talking about me the way they do anymore.”

“Even if I convince everyone that it was all lies?” you questioned, your tone playful as you angled your head to look at him. “I think it’d be awful for you to leave because of her. You could miss out on someone that would treat you right.”

“Someone like you?” he questioned as he looked down at you. You nodded, before he leaned down to kiss you. “You’re good at this whole convincing thing.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” you asked, smiling as you sat up to look at him.

“Yeah, as long as you don’t break my heart,” he said, wrapping his arms around you to pull you back down to his chest.

“I won’t.”

You stayed in Ethan’s bed for a couple hours, making plans for all the dates he wanted to take you on. It felt like you’d known him for way longer than just a few days, the two of you having an instant connection. You hated to pull away from him, but you knew you needed to get dressed before his roommate got home.

“It’s late, can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked, as he started to put his clothes back on.

“I can’t believe I thought you were this horrible monster. You’re so sweet,” you said, as he smiled at you. “Yeah, you can walk me home.”

Ethan walked you to the front door of your building, pulling you into a gentle kiss before he pulled away.

“I’ll text you,” he said, as he started to back away.

“Yeah, let me know when you make it back to your dorm, please,” you said, as he nodded.

When you made it upstairs and got settled into your bed, you heard your phone vibrate as it charged on your bedside table. You grabbed it and saw a goodnight message from Ethan, a huge smile on your face as you responded to him. You were so exhausted from the time you’d spend with him, and you soon felt yourself start to doze off. You heard your phone buzz again, your eyes lazily opening to see if it was Ethan. You took a deep breath once you read the message that was sent to you.

‘Why the fuck were you kissing Ethan at that party?’

[karin-miyoshi]

Do you think yuyuyu is ableist?

sheesh, talk about a loaded question

definitely opens up a lot of rabbit holes. ill give my opinion, but note im not the most educated on the subject itself so giving a definite answer is outside my scope.

ill put a read below, but for me, i personally think it isnt, but can be easily misinterpreted as is on a surface level.

tldr, ableism is discrimination towards those with disabilities.

the character in question most of the time when it comes to these topics is tougou, who uses a wheelchair in season 1 due to losing function in her legs. there are never any distasteful jokes made about this, and the show constantly shows various handicap friendly services throughout the show. something even more surprising is that these are never the core focus of the scene or pointed out, its always well integrated into the world as if it were normal (important).

just skimming through s1, we have:

wheelchair assistance integration for both cars and stairs

special swim courses for the disabled, not separated from the rest of the class

beach wheelchairs and separate assistants

now while we can assume a lot of these were due to her previous service as washio sumi, i dont think that would really be fair to the production team putting these in, and it really feels like theres a lot more heart than "yeah we put these for the big shock value realization later on". even after regaining function in her legs near the end of the season, tougou's priority was always towards yuuna and her recovery.

onto the next topic, which is the show taking away and then returning these characters functions throughout. whats important to consider here is what is considered tragic, is it the characters living without these certain functions, or is it the act of losing these functions themselves?

"It'll definitely improve. I mean, we haven't done anything wrong." (Fuu, s1ep9) again, no distasteful jokes made about their disabilities, and fuu even plays it off with her sick eyepatch. her worries instead stem from the loss of itsuki's dream, in the form of her no longer being able to sing. thats the key factor here, being punished for doing what is right, losing the ability to do what you could do before, losing the memories of the time you spent with your friends. (thats another thing i see with a lot of these arguments, they always bring up physical disabilities, but ive never seen one actually talk about ones regarding memory, arguably the most precious thing to them). tougou flat out doesnt remember sonoko at all despite being comrades in arms before, and understandably freaks out that the same might happen with her and yuuna.

now, understandably, the ending to s1 seemed super rushed, and them getting their bodily functions back seemed rather sudden. this put a lot of people off, and was really only explained in s2, which many didnt watch.

people should be allowed to grieve if they lose something important to them, and should be allowed to be happy if they get it back. personally, i dont think people realize the weight of their words when they say, "oh i wish karin wouldve stayed deaf, itd be really cool to see the club members learning sign language for it" or "yuuna in a wheelchair was really cute, i wish we saw more of it." yeah its a cool idea i guess, maybe something to see while theyre stil recovering, but forever? in a chase to see more representation, i hope they realize what they are wishing onto others eventually (even if fictional). while many with disabilities are satisfied with their life, they should be able to wish for better if they wanted to, its not like theyd wish their circumstances on anyone else, right? shouldnt the same apply here, to the girls who've actually lived both with and without disabilities?

just my two cents, hope this wasnt too hard to read! theres a lot more i could write up, especially regarding sonoko, but thats a whole other discussion i should probably save for another time

[astroyongie]

thats crazy but kinda obvious at the same time. even if the idol is hooking up with fans so they should take extra precautions, i was also wondering this because when im reading about certain idols and how theyd be in such and such a situation and now im like doesnt that give them stingy vibes? esp if they are hooking up via the means of their usually same age or underage fans.

this is why it pays to be less delulu. the more u find out about this shit the more whacked out it actually sounds for idols and whoever they date. if they hook up say in hotel room who the fucks carrying around nda papers with them? is it the same in the west as well? i get it protects the idol or whoever but at the same time it seems so weird to need to sign papers just to experience hooking up or making love lmfao.

It's way more complex than that, celebrities cannot just go around and pick whoever they want in a club like it's a supermarket. Most people idols (both from Asia and western) hook up with are often with escorts or people that already have nda's signed. Also a lot of idols will have hook ups with people who dont even know them (especially when it comes to going to foreign countries) but honestly it's too complex and I also dont have enough info about this to be able to argument on how this whole thing works and really, I dont care much either! they are people like us, whatever they do in their free time isn't really a concern as long as it's done in legal terms

[mihotose]

hasu + summer memories

kaho: when you think about summer you definitely think of the beach! but since nagano is inland she doesnt have many beach memories. so she read books about the beach instead. this year she was able to go to a training camp and have a live with everyone at the beach, and made some memories she'll never forget!

kozue: her parents receive a lot of summer cards and presents, so seeing rooms filled with them may be something of a tradition at her house... she also looks forward to having a yukata tailored every year. this year's ordering period has ended, but she seems to be considering having some tailored for the other members for next year

sayaka: when she was a child she sent her grandmother a summer card which made her very happy, and they continue to send them to each other every year. she messages the other club members a lot for milestones, and perhaps this was how she got into the habit

tsuzuri: likes watching nagashi soumen. they all flow with the current, but sometimes they come apart and get separated from each other. soumen like that is good as well. but while she was watching, someone put soumen in her bowl. just watching won't fill her stomach... probably

ruri: remembers writing wishes on tanzaku for tanabata as a kid with megu-chan. she doesn't remember what they wrote, but she does remember them laughing because they had written similar wishes. also she loves the summer holiday since you can play with everyone or spend time alone!

megumi: when she was a kid she was taken to see a movie of her favourite game. also she and ruri-chan took their water bottles and went on an adventure to see how far away they could go from their houses. at the time they thought they had walked for ages but now she realises theyd just walked around the neighbourhood

[sieglinde-freud]

If you had to pick a second trio of awakening kids to put in fates (on Hishido's side) who would you send, why, and where would put them (ie who's retainers would they be and who would they replace or where would they be serving in Hoshido if not retainers).

SORRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE FIVE YEARS TO GET TO, STEDY… i saw it and i was like “ooh i gotta think about this i’ll come back” and then. and then i forgor… BUT ANYWAYSSS

so, to hoshido????? well… i think realistically theyd go down the popularity poll. they seem to want to avoid lucina (lord) and morgan (two of them, picking one means making one and also one robin canon) so next on the list iirc is noire, brady, and gerome. and i think that could work pretty okay, but i think they just kind of all have one fatal flaw here: none of them would be down to go.

the awakening trio works because yeah!! yeah i absolutely buy all three of them being game to go fuck off to a new world because some pathetic man begged them to help save lives. gerome though?? no!! gerome hardly wanted to go back in time to save HIS OWN WORLD!! brady cant fight CANONICALLY, and i highly doubt he’d want to step foot on another battlefield. and noire… i think someone could make a case for noire being willing to come. but i think she’d prefer staying with tharja and protecting the baby version of herself more. and without proper encouragement which would mostly likely come from severa who is. not here. i dont think she’d be too willing. AND I KNOW THAT MEANS IM MISSING OUT ON NOIRE!RHAJAT BUT… come on. you think im gonna give noire to hayato anyways?? no.

so!! a more interesting alternative? kjelle, cynthia, and laurent. i think kjelle and cynthia would be so down if they thought they were gonna be protecting innocents. kjelle wants to fight, grow stronger, and protect, and her natural element is the battlefield. cynthia wants to be a hero and fight for justice, and what better than a country protecting its homeland? as for laurent, i think he’d also like to save people, but i just think this guy would also like traveling around for education purposes. a new land means more insight to gain, and more things to share with his mother when he comes back. so. yeah. perhaps not the tightest reasoning, but i think its much more realistic than like. gerome. sooo

cynthia would most likely stay a pegasus knight? i dont see a reason to change her class. but armor knight is nohrian while sage doesnt exist in fates (technically. im aware onmyoji is the equivalent) sooo they’d have to change. i think theres a few things you could do with kjelle? spear fighter is probably the obvious choice, but i think kinda similar to owain, she’d like a chance to try out other weapons, probably to demonstrate her strength. and for this im strongly leaning master of arms prepromote. yes she’d still have spear access, but having mastered katanas and clubs during her time in hoshido could be really fun i think. as for laurent… lol. apothecary. hes not really here to fight but like. he can. promote him to merchant and he’ll start throwing the army’s treasury at you. dont fuck with him! but obviously kjelle would have armor knight access via heart seal and i think i’d give laurent troubador over dark mage just to reference miriel having that class in awakening but it could go either way. cynthia would probably have… uh. ummmm… fuck. wait. i dont know. sumia gets armor knight and cleric. can we j be funny and give her merc so she has hero access :/// ok thanks

if were following the same format as the og trio, i would j plant them as retainers to make it simple. and… i think i’d go:

kjelle - ryoma

laurent - hinoka

cynthia - sakura

im completely willing to change on this honestly. i thought long and hard about it and then i went “hm. no.” and ended up here. my logic is that of the awakening trio, laslow definitely seems to be the strongest and is nohr’s crown prince’s retainer, and of these three, kjelle is probably the strongest, so same treatment. i also considered the dynamic between saizo and kagero and i just think she’d work the best with them. no bullshit, just work. plus, in a samurai class (moa promotes from samurai) she’d fit in better with ninja than a flier and a uh. a guy.

i put laurent with hinoka and i almost didnt because i think he could have an interesting dynamic with the other royals too. but then i was like “okay. of the three: who would fit into hinokas retainer dynamic that just seems to be ‘giving hinoka a hard time’” and well!!! i think!!! i think its laurent!!! i think laurent would just be engrossed in his studies and the difference in technological progress compared to ylisse (no fireworks but they have giant puppets??? the dolls with the saws??? TANKS????) and hinokas like “uh. hey. did you eat any of ur last three meals?” and he goes “no but i DID make a gun” and azama and setsuna are just like “woahhh thats fucking awesome dude” and i just think if i gave hinoka kjelle or cynthia it wouldnt be as funny. i do things for the bit. always.

and that leaves cynthia for the other two and… i dont actually think she’d go to takumi. i think sakura and her retainers is a much more realistic possibility because takumis trio is just. so. fucking look at them… itd be odd to shove a fourth person in there. it COULD work, but also i kinda just like the idea of cynthia pledging herself to sakura. she’d be all hyped about it too like “the brave warrior defending her princess?!! yessss!!” and sakura would be like. so down for cynthias flower throwing entrance or whatever (with… sakura petals?? yes????) and idk i just think they would be neat. and she could be a nice mediator between subaki and hana who just like. wont shut the fuck up. she’ll either make it better by being a nice middle man or make it worse by also not shutting up except its about something completely different and no progress gets made. both fine outcomes, i think.

and then they fight nohr and go to war with their besties forevs!!!!!!! wooooo!!!! im not writing that out. you decide how that goes. though i think a cynthia vs selena encounter would be insaane… ooh or like an cynthia vs odin justice cabal thing? oouhhvghh… but this post is long enough anyways hi stedy 👋

[kaiserkisser]

blaise threatening lockhart was honestly so slay- like that was iconic of him

also, more significance with the knife that represents their friendship as just in the last two chapters they’ve both used it to protect the others!! their friendship is just so cute it fills me with joy-

also, the want to point out the fact that it kinda looks like a seems like since winter break dazai has been even more self destructive than normal, which from a character analysis perspective is interesting cause it would suggest guilt, from a character who has for the most part been basically essentially ambivalent to the morality of his actions- almost like being told that he needs to play a villian is less comfortable than the previous act he was putting on. this kinda suggests/ provides proof that the way allegory is characterizing him has that act (the one from first year) be closer to his actual personality than his ‘villainy’.

anyways, more rambling, that dream sequence was immaculate, like the imagery and description are *chefs kiss*and the fact that they bring the entire head up when i thought they were just gonna get some scales or a fang or something-

this chapter was every thing i wanted and more and im probably gonna reread it at least once more today

IKR IKRRR like so proud of you blaise oml get that fraudster nxxjdjdhjd

pleaseeee they're adorable i genuinely love their friendship mori you BETTER not touch any of then or- 🔪🔪 and its a small detail but i loved how even pansy was completely reluctant to give dazai his knife when he talked abt getting proof, and how she also too dazais side against lockhart. and i love how the significance of the knives comes full circle, first dazai stabs himself with it without a thought to protect the loyalty club, and now blaise uses it to threaten lockhart to protect dazai and the loyalty club aaaaaaaaa

hmm, I'll definitely be rereading the whole fic soon, i mean yeah he does seem a bit more reckless and like uncaring of his own safety recentlt, but he's always like that, so i think i probably missed out on that detail. although i was rereading the newest chapter and this line stuck with me- "I'm the villain. I know i am. "

but what would he feel guilt over? Since blaise and draco already know about the port mafia, is he feeling guilty about not telling the rest of the gang or abt pomfrey? i mean, if u see the canon bsdverse, dazai's actual 'personality', atleast in the mafia, would typically be seen like that of a villain, wouldnt it? Though i do feel that its easier for dazai to play the villain in a way? or not maybe my brain aint braining ill get back to this when i reread the whole thing ehehe

i love how the dream included dogs and kennels, rly showing his fear of them, and how it included the club as well- maybe he also had a fear that theyd be on opposite sides? Idk, also i LOVE how he felt safe in snapes arms sjhdidjdjdhfb snape is SO not beating the dad allegations, and i dont think he even actually wants to atp lmaooo (also the fact thag dazai dreamt of sweet things like honey after that? AAAAAAA)

honestly even i had thought that theyd bring up a few fangs as proof, i legit didnt expect them to bring the whole goddamn head LMAO

ikrrrrr allegory's writing is chefs kiss as always ive already reread it twice and u bet imma reread it again jdhddhdbubdhsjqgs

[fecto-forgo]

how do u see zan interacting with susie, magolor and marx

OH THIS IS FUNNN

first of all all instances we have of zan interacting w ppl consist of her insulting them (i think her form of insulting is so funny btw.she fully acknowledges others skills but seems all competitive abt it at the end n most of her nicknames arent even related to her competitive sore loser-ness.she just hates ppl anyways.why is she like this.) so im p sure she has the social skills of moldy cardboard

susie:i think zan would find her.the most tolerable? i mostly picture the mages interacting w wave 3, n she finds taranza (keeps trying to relate to her n his overly open emotional bonding is making her uncomfortable) n magolor (have had beef since childhood w each other)(more on that up ahead!) to be extremely obnoxious while susie doesnt comment on anything regarding her or tries being annoying on purpose, but ultimately zan sees susie as just "okay" bc she much prefers talking to her sisters, susie on the other hand has some.kinda lesbian fueled fascination? w her? she thinks she seems cool but pitiful but mean but naive but insane, faraway observation kinda crush, most of her attempts to make any moves completely fail bc zan doesnt understand anything shes trying to get at, i imagine the longer this goes on the worse susie is doing, ironically the more desperate she gets to get zan to get a hint the more calm zan gets around her bc as far as shes seeing things susie likes talking to her lol

tl dr susie rly wants this to be some epic yuri, zan thinks theyre acquaintances n that susie just has a tendency to say weird things like shes expecting a reply sometimes.if this yuri was successful theyd be that one image like "hi me n my girlfriend saw you from the other side of the club! n we like fucking HATE your vibe."

magolor:theres this one nifty theory magolor spent some amount of time at the jamba cult in the past, its a theory i borrow from my bestie n its been a while since shes explained it fresh to me, so if anyones interested i can always waterboard it until she explains it to me again so i can share it lol.anyways maggie spent some time as some kinda fourth sibling to the mages, i think zan liked him back then, shes a natural at being an older sister figure n she cherishes hyness n her sisters a lot in canon (only ppl shes affectionate towards n shes v expressive abt it), so she treated magolor similarly, till he either escaped or got the boot from hyness (i personally picture he was just obnoxiously curious? over questioning is a big deal in religion.so rly either realized this was a cult or hyness got tired of him), whereas shed just.grow to absolutely despise him bc thats betrayal of faith n betrayal of them to her, hyness wouldnt be happy w magolor specially n zan would see his word as the holy law, magolor seems to dislike the mages as well in a couple tweets, so i feel he also grew to dislike them, so they just.hate each other now they met again lol.magolor thinks pissing her off on purpose is hilarious n zan rly rly RLY wants to maim him.but kirby said they need to be friends so wtv.

tl dr zan thinks hes a heretic false believer guilty of blasphemy n apostasy, magolor thinks shes an annoying blind suck up to a stupid cult religion

marx:she has no.interest in him lol.she thinks hes a little funny at times (mostly when nobody else thinks its funny) (she also thinks puns r funny but dont tell anyone she said that) but mostly looks like pointless trouble also hes friends w magolor so thats 50 negative points immediately by association.

[tossball-stick]

theyve just got a lot of appeal okay

i dont think vaughn ever liked jack. i hc that hes always been skeptical about him, but more from a distance. he tries not to involve himself with jack as much as possible. he has a feeling the more he tries to learn, the MORE he'll have to try to get his best friend to stop obsessing over that guy. so he just keeps himself in the dark, focuses on work and friends.

jack will occasionally mingle around in some of the more common bars or clubs set up in helios. he likes the attention, the way everyone is trying to touch and see and hear him. the alcohol probably helps as well. usually it happens when he needs an ego boost. sometimes he'll even flirt around, if some of these dumb poor middle class helios workers have enough good looks.

so imagine vaughns surprise when jack waltzes up to him and yvette tying to have a quiet night at the bar together.

jack showed up without warning, and a crowd followed. vaughn and yvette had been trying to ignore it all and just drink, keep chatting with each other. about rhys, about work, about what movies theyd seen.

so imagine both of their surprise when jacks the one that waltzes right up to them.

he says something about how strange it is that neither of them have even attempted to get up to meet him. he asks if they hate him, of theyre against him.

vaughn is slack jawed, stunned into silence. somehow this walking nerd emoji managed to pull the attention of jack by... doing nothing?

yvette is the first to respond, her eyes wode and expression clearly surprised. of course we're not against you, she assures. she insists that they simply didn't want to bother jack, hes a very busy man after all. vaughn nods along with her.

vaughn starts assuming that yvette was the reason jack came over here- he couldnt blame the man. she was an attractive woman- and smart, and she definitely had the charisma to get far in hyperion. if vaughn could be attracted to women, he probably would have fallen fast and hard for yvette.

so, imagine his further shock when jack puts a hand on his shoulder.

he says hes gonna give vaughn the offer of a lifetime. he says he wants to take vaughn back to a room, that hes had enough mingling with the common folk and vaughn is who grabbed his attention.

now, jack is saying this with like. the full intention of killing vaughn. he wants a quick ego boost from giving some coomer dweeb the sex of his lifetime, then be done with him. he wants the ego boost of being someones best sexual encounter. this was basically a guarantee for that.

and vaughns like. freaking out mentally. whys handsome fucking jack being drawn to him?

so he downs the rest of his beer, chugging it as quick as he can. yvette hesitates stopping him. he knows denying jack this would lead to something not good, and hes sure letting this happen also wouldnt be good.

but what choice does he have?

he bites his lip as he looks at jack and says that he'll go, but that he needs to be drunker first.

and, of course, yvette asks if hes sure. and he can only shrug.

but jack seems happy by that. he buys vaughn more beer. as the accountant drinks and drinks, and once yvette leaves, jack gets vaughn to start talking. interests, hobbies, stuff like that.

the night goes on and on, and eventually jack is nearly dragging a red faced, laughing, blacked out vaughn to a private room.

and the next morning vaughn wakes up, rolled over to his side, and seems handsome jack right fucking there. and vaughn isnt dead.

and he wont die, for a long, long time.

[4thenookie]

You said you wanted some headcanons, so here are some of mine

-I reckon Bens definitely a stoner, I reckon he'd probably like drugs like LSD -I reckon that Ben also mainly likes the story side of the video games he tends to like -I dont think Liu is really evil, I think that he forced his anger at his brother down, and it festered and became that Sully guy, so Sully hates Jeff and Liu doesnt - I think Sally fakes sweetness, but she's actually incredibly ruthless and manipulative -Ben probably likes playing idiot pranks on everyone and would like incredibly dirty jokes (he's said to have died at 12, probably in the first grade of high school, so he's probably stuck in the mindset of around that age, and from my expierience thats what 7ers are like) -Jeff and Ben would be best friends, and probably tease the hell out of each other -Ben just gives me... british vibes. I reckon he's british. -Also I reckon Ben would be pansexual, he doesnt seem like the type to care about gender. Sully too. -Oh, but i reckon Liu refuses to date because of the crap that happened when his old gf, so he simply doesnt do anything. -I think Sully loved their gf too, but he completely flipped, and now he's just a horny asshole screwing everyone he can. But generally not the other creepypastas, I think he goes to clubs and picks up girls or boys, spends a night with them and breaks their heart. In fact, sadistic horny asshole. -I reckon Ben does the same most of the time. I also reckon he kinda looks up to Sully and has some sort of crush (well the kind of platonic one, like he worships the guy) but he doesnt tell Jeff, because like... Sully hates his guts Thats all I can think of rn! I hope you like them!

hello!!!! these are so so real thank you for sharing them with me :)

stoner BEN is so real, idk why but it makes so much sense lol

his room probably smells like weed n stuff 24/7

as for his taste in video games i actually agree that hed prefer story based ones!! i hc that video games are mre of a chill hobby for him and he doesnt love when its competitive (jeff does tho bc he thinks everythings a competition lmao)

i totally agree about liu when you say its more sully that hates jeff rather than him, i think that liu misses their bond and wants to reconnect someday but sully doesnt want that to happen in case it goes wrong again

OMG EVIL SALLY YES!!!!! i completely agree i think shes a bit like a poltergeist and her favourite hobby is throwing shit around and running down the halls giggling at night

lmaooo that's so true about BEN he basically speaks in memes

BEN and jeff being friends is so real!! theyd have a 'everyone can make fun you, especially me' friendship lmao

i reckon ej is british too! but which part of britain would they be from..

BEN and sully being pan is very real!!! for sully any hole is a goal lmaooo

i reckon BEN wants to spend more time around sully but he cant bc of jeff or something along those lines

i hope you dont mind me adding my own thoughts!!! thank you for sharing your headcanons with me <3

[stranger-rants]

i try not to stereotype but its always wild to me when antis say billy would call them a slur while openly having steve as their fave or being a st//eddie because like,,,,,,

steve is the rich jock in the 80s, his parents 100% have membership to the country club, im like 90% sure theyd support reagan considering their financial situation, his dad loves a good game or tennis or even badminton if he wants to be a bit spontaneous, they definitely shop at whatever the us version of waitrose is, his parents have their own person tailor and if their outfits arent at least $100 they wont be wearing them outside and that extends to steve, they have definitely either used a slur and/or done that weird talking around it the "oh you know, those people who prefer embroidered tea cosies" or whatever.

like i dont want to say that steve would just parrot whatever his parents say and would just internalise their opinions, because obviously thats not true on most cases. but at the same time, theres a lot of psychological studies showing that kids do learn from their parents.

and weve already seen steve calling someone a slur on screen. i cant remember if it was queer or faggot, but he was also parroting the rhetoric that gay men are predators who prey on young boys. like where the fuck else did he get that rhetoric from? and even if it wasnt his parents, steve seems to have believed it enough to remember it and parrot it back at jonathan.

id like to think that steve wouldnt call me a slur, especially post-s3 steve, but its fucking wild to me that the "billy would call me a slur" crowd entirely ignore the everything about steves character.

like im sorry buddy, but if pre-s3 steve saw me, a trans man with tits too large to bind who goes out of his way to look as queer as possible, im pretty sure hed call me a whole myriad of slurs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ meanwhile i dont think billy would because hes a cis dude who purposefully presents more feminine. wed probably just have a chill conversation about judas priest or id introduce him to soda stereo.

and anyway its not like know if steve agrees with his parents or not since he never gets any development whatsoever now that hes relegated to group mom

Everyone learns from their parents in one way or another. Steve called Jonathan “Queer” which is what makes it so ironic that fans claim he’s such a great ally and/or that Billy would hate crime them. Quite honestly, given the amount of homophobic rants I have to hear from teenager boys on a regular basis in the year 2023, it wouldn’t shock me if any of the beloved male characters were homophobic. I don’t see Billy as being more or less understanding, but I do think Billy just doesn’t care enough about other people to be out there committing hate crimes. The only time Billy cares what other people say or do is when it puts him at risk

[swampgallows]

im just an observer now but i see clips on socmed of what the rave scene is doing and man i just dont think it used to be like this. why have people suddenly become so brazenly selfish and destructive? i was always of the opinion even deep in the scene that the reason we went to derelict warehouses in rundown areas was because there were no established places for us to have our events. sometimes there were! we'd get to have them at banquet halls or clubs in hollywood or even legit venues like the shrine; all the events in the uk were at clubs. or theyd end up out in the countryside, like how ours end up in the desert. (and even still cops would try to chase us out... like bro if we cant go out into the middle of the desert and do this where we're not bothering anybody, all that's gonna make us do is go back to the city and bother people...) but the goal was never to make another castlemorton and trash the fucking place. we're not 'sticking it to the man' by making neighborhoods unsafe and leaving trash in civilians' homes and stealing from their cars. on top of stories of people ruining the audio equipment owned by the djs or the people throwing the actual damn party, and seeing videos of people just huddled on a street corner and calling it a 'renegade', like man we partied under overpasses and in the trainyard and shit but not in the middle of the street of a residential neighborhood. we didnt push out encampments of houseless folks. i just cant see where 'plur' is in a scene like that.

like yeah there's always been petty theft and drug use, ive been in some nasty situations myself, had a gun waved around and pointed in my face because people were arguing over who got to sell nitrous, but that was never like. the rave's fault. it was never a problem inherent to the party, it was the people who came to it. but that's where the community comes in: to keep out folks who are there to drug up underage girls or there to make a quick buck or whatever other reason. people stopped accepting bookings from bad promoters, stopped booking bad djs, stopped letting in people who were there just to cause problems. but now it seems like those are the people in charge of shit, or otherwise whoever is in charge is just letting it all slide.

i dunno again it's just what im seeing on fb n shit because i havent been able to go to a party since feb 2020, but from everything ive been seeing i feel like there might not be anything to go back to

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Dirk Strider

Act 6, page 7917-7922

DAVE: damn

DAVE: and i thought our houses were pointlessly tall before

DAVE: it just doesnt stop from keep constantly getting more and more vertically enormous

DIRK: Shit is downright precipitous at this point.

DIRK: Like, upways.

DAVE: haha yeah

DAVE: we made sure as fuck not to come right out and literally describe that building as tall

DIRK: Hell yes.

DIRK: Who needs small and serviceable adjectives when the most ass-backwards way of saying a thing is right there, tantalizingly hidden within the vast ocean of language.

DIRK: Like a treasure in a huge shitty clam.

DAVE: we are way on the same page philosophically here

DIRK: Who is surprised by this?

DIRK: Zero people, is who.

DAVE: sounds like a club for losers to me

DAVE: theyre lucky they dont have any members, otherwise theyd all be lame as hell

DIRK: Yeah.

DAVE: so uh

DAVE: why do the houses need to be so tall again

DAVE: i never actually understood that

DAVE: except to reach the gates but once we all figured out how to fly and shit that became so pointless

DIRK: Yeah. After a while in the game, building kind of stopped mattering.

DIRK: Except near the end. Getting them to the top is just a point of completion.

DIRK: Then you dump the grist rig on top of it, apparently.

DIRK: That lets the thing spray out all the grist from the hoard in the planet's core, kind of like a huge oil derrick I guess.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: how do you know this

DAVE: do you guys have like a manual or

DIRK: I'm in communication with Arquiusprite.

DIRK: He's working on it now.

DAVE: so youre in communication with him like...

DAVE: RIGHT now?

DIRK: Yes.

DIRK: Via my shades.

DIRK: Which he incidentally used to be.

DIRK: Like, as a computer, which he lived inside as my Auto-Responder.

DAVE: right

DAVE: and

DAVE: uh

DAVE: why... did you make that thing again

DAVE: not that you ever told me before

DAVE: 'again' is just like a stammering tack-on to that sentence so as to try and not sound too fucking rude

DIRK: I don't think it's a rude question. It's perfectly fair to wonder what was going through my head when I made him.

DIRK: I've spent a lot of time wondering about that myself.

DAVE: so you just

DAVE: straight up programmed a copy of your brain

DIRK: There was some programming involved, but also a bit of cheating, through the mapping of a captchalogued ghost-imprint of my brain.

DIRK: I guess part of it was just about trying to understand myself.

DIRK: But I don't think I would have put it that way at the time. For a while I insisted he was meant to be a "debate partner" or some horseshit.

DIRK: I was pretty young, and had some stupid ideas.

DIRK: About irony in particular. But also a lot of mostly faux-intellectual thoughts on a wide variety of topics.

DIRK: Like philosophy, consciousness, programming, identity, history, ancient pop-culture... really it ran the full gamut of pretension.

DIRK: Not that I don't still find that stuff interesting. I'd just like to think I'm somewhat less full of shit about it all now.

DAVE: yeah me too

DAVE: i mean, about my interests and stuff

DIRK: Creating him was an interesting exercise I guess, but over the years I came to see his development as one of my biggest mistakes.

DIRK: He sort of turned into a monster. But I could never bring myself to get rid of him, or even really blame him for being an asshole, because he wasn't actually that different from me.

DIRK: Like, by definition.

DIRK: He seems alright as Arquius though. At least it keeps him busy, obsessing over his muscles, asking for milk and shit like that.

DAVE: hmm

DAVE: i guess i started some projects i regretted

DAVE: but nothin like making a milk weirdo eventually exist

DAVE: it sounds fucked up but is also kind of an awesome story in its own way

DIRK: I guess so.

DAVE: maybe im lucky i was never that good with computers

DAVE: now computer ART thats a different story

DAVE: ok it actually isnt i fuckin suck at that too

DAVE: but dammit i try my best and make some magic happen at least in my own mind so maybe thats good enough

DIRK: It certainly worked out for you in my universe.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: i DID captchalogue my own ghost brain once but i didnt know what to make of that and thought it was kinda weird so that never really went anywhere

DAVE: probably for the best

DIRK: It definitely is.

DIRK: Tinkering with your own mind, or identity or whatever... it's a dark road to go down.

DIRK: There are enough splinters of everyone running around out there as it is, just as a natural byproduct of our reality. For me in particular. Probably for you too, as a time player.

DIRK: That process doesn't need to be encouraged or fucked with.

DAVE: for real

DAVE: my bro did cool things with computers too

DAVE: i mean nothin like making a clone of his brain or anything thank god

DAVE: just some absurd bullshit with web bots and stuff mostly to help prop up his various "enterprises"

DIRK: You mean the porn stuff?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: but with puppets of course

DAVE: it was always about the puppets

DIRK: Naturally.

DAVE: he made all these porn bots that would just talk to each other in a chatroom endlessly

DAVE: all like gettin each other riled up about squishy bottoms and whatnot

DAVE: actually it was pretty entertaining to watch them go at it for hours

DAVE: i think they may have been teetering on the threshold of SOMETHING resembling self awareness?

DAVE: except they only seemed to apply that faculty to reach even more heightened states of sexual excitement for a bunch of nude soft puppets

DIRK: That sounds...

DIRK: Oddly rewarding.

DIRK: I mean, not to say he wasn't still a douche.

DIRK: But as a pastime, cultivating a group of earnest, erotic puppet-loving chatbots sounds so much more relaxing than painstakingly constructing a version of your own brain, and then arguing with it for years thereafter.

DIRK: Almost like tending to a little flock of pigeons.

DAVE: yeah you know he did some cool things

DAVE: it wasnt necessarily all inherently terrible

DAVE: things i would really appreciate under better circumstances

DAVE: he definitely had a lot of drive and also some uh "ideas" that warranted a certain amount of respect i guess

DAVE: he just

DAVE: maybe should not have been allowed near a child?

DAVE: sall im sayin

DIRK: Sounds about right.

DIRK: We really don't have to talk about him anymore though, if it is going to stir up more bad shit for you.

DAVE: nah im alright

DAVE: i think that is all mostly out of my system

DAVE: i mean not forever because i dont think thats how things work

DAVE: i just mean my venting fit is over and im probably good for another 16 years or so and i can return to being mostly deadpan and rad

DIRK: Ok.

DIRK: Well, in sixteen years, if you need someone to vent to again, let me know.

DAVE: sure

DAVE: assuming we havent been killed by like 10 jacks before that i will

DAVE: you certainly seem to be the right guy for that

DIRK: For what?

DAVE: i mean like the most suitable recipient of my hysterical fits on that particular subject

DAVE: there is no way i would ever tell karkat all that

DAVE: i mean maybe some stuff but not ALL the stuff its just too heavy

DAVE: i certainly wasnt gonna mention the stuff to rose or john or jade or whoever else

DAVE: if i was ever gonna do one of my patented acrobatic pirouettes off that particular handle to anyone it really only could have been at him

DAVE: except he was dead

DAVE: and even if he wasnt and i did say all that shit

DAVE: theres no way it would have resulted in anything resembling reconciliation

DAVE: which i think

DAVE: was something i kinda needed

DAVE: but didnt realize it

DAVE: so....

DAVE: thank you for being a really plausible stand in for him who i could rip to shreds??

DAVE: while still being basically innocent of all that terrible garbage

DAVE: so you end up sorta being like an avatar for him that is much easier to forgive

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: maybe FORGIVE isnt the right word because im not sure he deserves that and anyway it doesnt matter because hes been dead for years and at this point is just an irrelevant deceased weirdo who doesnt matter anymore

DAVE: i guess i mean coming around to a place where i dont have to feel rotten all the time anymore

DAVE: and i guess im lucky i got to blunder into a reality that just happened to have the exact right version of a dude which made that possible for me

DAVE: sorry this fuckin ramble is really getting away from me

DAVE: i have no idea if im making sense anymore

DIRK: I think I get it.

DIRK: And sure.

DIRK: You're welcome for me existing.

DAVE: hey can that be like

DAVE: the motto on our family crest

DIRK: I think it already is.

DAVE: all that melodramatic sadbabble aside

DAVE: i think its perfectly cool if youre still curious about your adult self

DAVE: and i dont mind tellin you more stuff about him if you want

DAVE: i know im still wondering about what my adult self got up to

DIRK: Yeah.

DIRK: Well like I said, any time you want to know more, feel free to ask.

DAVE: kay how about

DAVE: we do this thing

DAVE: when i met roxy we did a thing

DIRK: A thing?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: its called the lightning round

DIRK: That does sound like a Roxy thing.

DIRK: Does it by any chance involve asking a rapid-fire series of questions, some of which end up being a bit too personal or invasive?

DAVE: well yeah when she does it

DAVE: we could be chill though

DAVE: when it comes to asking about each others secret crushes and shit

DIRK: Then I guess I will disclaim in advance that I don't have any, and I don't care about yours even if you do.

DAVE: it is settled then on the fact that we are a couple of cool dudes who know where to draw the line on certain topics

DIRK: Cool.

DIRK: So how do we start.

DIRK: Whose lightning round is this, mine or yours?

DAVE: it can be yours go ahead shoot

DIRK: Ok.

DIRK: How...

DIRK: Did...

DIRK: He, um,

DIRK: Come to "adopt" you?

DAVE: i was a baby and i came down to earth on a meteor while riding a pony with a pink heart on its ass

DAVE: he found me in a crater on top of a dead pony and gave me a lil baby pair of shades that look exactly like the ones youre wearin now

DIRK: I see.

DIRK: So you decided to ditch those shades for the aviator glasses?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: years ago john got me these for my bday

DAVE: it might have been like an "ironic dare" to wear them i dont remember

DAVE: but when i got em i was like hell yeah im wearing these

DAVE: gonna rock these fuckers til the end of time

DAVE: they were ben stillers

DAVE: like literally

DAVE: they actually touched his weird sort of gaunt face in one of his films

DIRK: Wait...

DIRK: THE Stiller?

DAVE: yeah

DIRK: Incredible.

DIRK: Also, such a shame what happened to that poor man.

DAVE: wait what happened to him

DIRK: I can tell you when it's your lightning round.

DIRK: Or mine. Whatever. I'm still not sure whose lightning round it is when you're the one asking questions.

DAVE: dunno ask roxy

DIRK: Ok. Anyway, didn't mean to interrupt.

DAVE: but yeah we would send each other stuff sometimes

DAVE: me and john

DAVE: well we all would

DAVE: usually absurd birthday packages and such

DIRK: We did that too.

DIRK: Except I had to send things through time.

DIRK: Always had to figure out stuff small enough to send through the sendificator, even if it was piece by piece.

DAVE: nice

DAVE: one time it turned out we ACCIDENTALLY sent presents through time

DAVE: i mean not literally, more in a roundabout way

DAVE: we all sent john a rabbit

DAVE: but all three rabbits just turned out to be the same damn rabbit

DAVE: because of stupid time shit

DIRK: Once I deliberately and quite literally sent a rabbit through time.

DIRK: It was a robot.

DAVE: wow

DIRK: He was a loyal friend to Jane. I don't know what happened to him though.

DAVE: yeah i dunno what happened to johns rabbits either

DAVE: rabbits am i right

DIRK: I hear you, man.

DAVE: what next

DIRK: Hm.

DIRK: You say he owned Cal as well?

DAVE: yep

DIRK: Did he come down to Earth on a meteor with Cal too?

DAVE: i think so

DAVE: that was a long time ago

DAVE: kinda weird to imagine him strutting around with that puppet as a kid in the 80s

DAVE: or maybe just kinda funny actually

DAVE: he sure held on to it a long time

DAVE: must have gotten attached at a really early age and just never let go

DAVE: i guess you fell to earth with one of those things too?

DIRK: Yeah.

DIRK: But if I came to Earth on a meteor the same way you all did, then I guess I just got dunked right in the fucking ocean.

DIRK: Which makes sense. One of my earliest memories is of using Cal as a flotation device.

DIRK: So he sorta saved my life in a way. I guess I bonded with him too, the way your bro did, even if that sounds a bit stupid.

DIRK: Then again, it didn't help matters much that I lived alone in the middle of the ocean. He was my only real life friend. I mean, until I built some new ones.

DAVE: hmm wait we fucked up

DAVE: i asked you a question its not my turn

DAVE: keep firing

DIRK: Ok.

DIRK: How did your bro die?

DAVE: he died fighting one of these jacks

DAVE: at this point i almost forget which one

DAVE: no wait

DAVE: ok yeah it was the omnipotent dog one

DAVE: the jack from our session

DAVE: he was fighting like a lesser form of him and then jack got extra prototyped by dog powers and then got outmatched and stabbed with his own sword

DAVE: pretty sure davesprite was fighting with him and almost died too but then it turned out he didnt

DAVE: but now im at least 99% sure that davesprite is DEFINITELY dead and wont suddenly reappear as a stupid surprise or anything

DIRK: I hate stupid surprises.

DAVE: word

DIRK: So, you said he "trained" you.

DIRK: I'm guessing that means he knew what was coming?

DIRK: Or, some things about your future, at least?

DAVE: seems that way

DAVE: not sure what he knew or how he knew it

DAVE: all our guardians seemed to know bits and pieces of stuff and did vague mysterious things to prepare

DAVE: to this day i have no idea if he was training me to fight lord english or if he even knew who that guy was on any conscious level

DAVE: or it was more like general purpose training to be able to survive some hard shit after the end of the world happened

DAVE: youd have to ask him but thats impossible

DAVE: i do know he managed to get the drop on a meteor before i entered the game

DIRK: What?

DAVE: as far as i can tell he stood on top of it and split it in half with his sword

DIRK: Um,

DIRK: Not to be too much of a wet blanket on that rad as fuck anecdote, but that sounds kind of far fetched.

DAVE: yeah it does doesnt it

DAVE: but then again so does a baby getting dunked from space in the ocean then floating on a weird doll and then growin up by himself with no adults around

DIRK: That's not far fetched. It was pretty straightforward.

DIRK: I think I just found a building poking out of the water, climbed up, then I just started foraging for food in there like a feral infant.

DIRK: Supplies which I'm sure your adult self must have left behind for me, seeing as he clearly must have known some things about the future too.

DIRK: Speaking of which, maybe it's your turn now?

DAVE: yeah ok

DAVE: questions about me hmm lets see

DAVE: ok FIRST the fuck of all

DAVE: what happened to ben stiller

DIRK: He was deemed a heretic, and was crucified on the Washington Monument by some clowns.

DAVE: wow

DIRK: Due to his dedication to freedom and peace, he came to be seen as a martyr, and then a holy figure.

DIRK: He was left on the monument as an example to all, but thousands of faithful gathered below to gaze up at his pious, sort of gaunt face.

DIRK: For years thereafter, his followers would carve stone busts of him in his memory, capturing the piercing glare of his final expression.

DIRK: But they were all smashed to pieces by the presidential church.

DIRK: That religious movement didn't last very long.

DIRK: Rumor has it the batterwitch had a lot of experience crushing righteous insurrections.

DAVE: did my adult self get pissed about stiller

DAVE: i bet he got pissed

DIRK: Yeah. There was a whole series of final insults that led to his active rebellion, instead of just producing subversive media.

DIRK: At one point, the witch "remastered" all of his films to clean up all the shitty artifacts, and released them in stunning high-def quality all over the world, using a rational business model and everything.

DIRK: That REALLY set him off.

DAVE: what the fuck

DAVE: how fucking dare that woman

DAVE: so then he tried to kill the batterwitch right

DAVE: who is the same exact alien as the condesce in this session??

DIRK: Yes. Same one.

DIRK: And yeah, he teamed up with Rose from the same era.

DIRK: They supposedly put up a good fight, but both died.

DAVE: so...

DAVE: does john know that he is literally about to go fight betty crocker yet or what

DIRK: I have no idea.

DIRK: I really don't know John at all, or any of your friends.

DIRK: I know Jane was the heiress to the Crocker brand. Uh, obviously? It is her name after all.

DIRK: Was John the heir to that empire in his universe?

DAVE: nah

DAVE: i mean not to my or his knowledge

DAVE: he just fuckin hated that company for some reason

DAVE: i think his reason was literally as mundane as just being slightly overexposed to cake

DAVE: thats classic john though he doesnt get pissed about anything except for the absolute dumbest shit

DAVE: but i guess his instincts were right in this case

DAVE: maybe we should just

DAVE: not tell him

DAVE: that hes fightin crocker i think the poor dude has probably had enough mental breakdowns for one adventure

DAVE: we all have

DIRK: I'd like to get to know him.

DIRK: Not to mention Rose and Jade. Would have been nice to hang out and chat, in a circumstance where we weren't supposed to prepare for an imminent deadly struggle.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: well i guess we could have hung out there a few minutes longer

DAVE: i mean you wouldnt have got much outta jade who is stuck in perma-nap mode

DAVE: just like old times i guess

DIRK: Huh?

DAVE: she used to sleep a lot

DIRK: Ah.

DAVE: but yeah there wasnt much time except for like a bunch of heys and oh nice to meet yous

DAVE: and also i think i would have still been a shitty train wreck socially if we all just hunkered down right then and there for another extensive round of freestyle paltalk

DIRK: Right, I was kind of nervous about lingering there for more than a minute too.

DIRK: Mainly because of Jake.

DIRK: I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

DIRK: I think I have done enough of that.

DAVE: i guess jake was kinda like your john of the group huh

DAVE: wait that was a pretty dumb observation never mind

DIRK: Nah, sounds about right.

DIRK: Seems like John was your close buddy growing up, and Jake was mine.

DAVE: john and i never really had anything like a falling out

DAVE: except for not talkin to each other for a few years on account of being on a meteor and boat respectively

DAVE: but i guess you two had some buddy troubles or somethin?

DIRK: Yes. A lot of buddy troubles.

DIRK: I vaguely touched on it earlier. I was a really bad influence in his life.

DAVE: what happened

DIRK: A lot of things, that were mostly my fault.

DIRK: Basically, I think I bullied him into dating me.

DIRK: Although I had plenty of "help" from my Auto-Responder.

DIRK: There were a lot of insane plans that he hatched on my behalf.

DIRK: But in fairness, I went along with them.

DIRK: To this day, I can't really tell how much of that bullshit was his doing, and how much was mine, which I've just covered up through denial or selective memory.

DAVE: wait

DAVE: you

DAVE: you dated jake?

DIRK: Yeah.

DIRK: That didn't last long though.

DIRK: It was really lopsided and kind of forced.

DAVE: ...

DAVE: so

DAVE: you

DAVE: ...

DAVE: hmm

DIRK: What?

DAVE: nothing

DAVE: i think were breakin one of the rules here

DAVE: this tangent got too personal

DIRK: Oh yeah.

DIRK: I forgot we weren't doing that.

DIRK: Anyway, carry on. You were asking about adult Dave?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: so that covers how he died

DAVE: taking a futile stand against some unbeatable foe

DAVE: cant say im too surprised about that cause what else is even new

DAVE: what about his early life though

DAVE: guess i arrived around the same year my bro did in my universe?

DAVE: just came down on the same dead horse i rode in on

DAVE: into a world full of opportunities

DAVE: how did i get started

DIRK: His early life isn't well documented.

DIRK: There's hardly anything to read about him until he broke into show business with a few obscure projects at the turn of the century.

DIRK: It all snowballed from there.

DAVE: i guess the one thing we know for sure is i didnt find a kid in a crater and take him under my wing

DAVE: that was probably for the best

DIRK: Heh.

DAVE: actually maybe its better that most of his story is left to my imagination

DAVE: kinda like how you said you spent a lot of time thinkin about him

DAVE: filling in the gaps of his ridiculous exploits

DIRK: Right.

DIRK: There's certainly a lot of lore to work with.

DIRK: Urban legends and stuff.

DAVE: like what

DAVE: actually wait

DAVE: dont tell me

DAVE: at least not now maybe down the road it would be cool to hear some

DAVE: i think id prefer to fill in the blanks myself for a while

DAVE: really it sounds dope as hell to imagine that sort of blank canvas life

DAVE: dropped on earth as a kid in the 70s or 80s or whatever with no bossy adult to reel me in

DAVE: and just having to figure stuff out

DAVE: especially knowing that many years later it all worked out ok

DAVE: really wonder what i did

DAVE: was i like some homeless eighties ragamuffin???

DAVE: jesus christ that sounds fairly adorable if so

DAVE: maybe i slept in an alley on a bed of rubix cubes and alf merchandise

DAVE: or maybe i offered my old school rap services for food

DIRK: Like, through a shitty cardboard booth?

DIRK: You know, like the one from the fuckin' Charlie Brown comics.

DIRK: "This is what the refrance," FYI.

DAVE: yes exactly

DAVE: this sounds like exactly the life for me

DAVE: what if without a penny to my name and the wind at my back i hopped a boxcar to the big apple

DAVE: because as a dumb child i naively believed thats where they made all the apple juice

DAVE: id be sorely disappointed when i got there but it wouldnt matter because id probably scrape together a living on off off off broadway like...

DAVE: making shitty cartoons

DAVE: on stage

DAVE: and saying

DAVE: you guys

DAVE: this will be SO much funnier once the internet happens TRUST ME

DAVE: then the aristocratic patrons of fine theater just shrug and dump their shillings into my orphan hat

DIRK: It sounds to me like you've been reading up on the urban legends already.

DAVE: hahaha

DAVE: i wonder if he had like

DAVE: friends

DIRK: It sounds like he knew a lot of people, at least later in life.

DAVE: sure

DAVE: i mean im sure he knew rose at some point because obviously they teamed up

DAVE: but as fairly old people?

DAVE: it sounds as though they only knew each other as a result of their notability

DIRK: This seems likely.

DAVE: i mean more like the friends i grew up with

DAVE: he couldnt have grown up with john or jade as friends because they were already old by the time he got there

DAVE: this cool 80s kid fantasy was probably just a lot lonelier than ive been picturing in my sweet daydreams

DAVE: i didnt even have the MAYOR god what a nightmare now that i think about it

DAVE: i wonder if all he cared about was making ludicrous shit and fighting evil pastry moguls

DAVE: do you know if he had any other interests

DIRK: Like what?

DAVE: i dont know

DAVE: did you ever read any urban legends about.....

DAVE: paleontology

DIRK: Paleontology?

DAVE: yes the scientific study of dead shit

DIRK: Not that I recall.

DAVE: hmm

DAVE: i guess he probably didnt do anything with that

DAVE: what a shame

DAVE: maybe he never even got the idea since he had completely different experiences

DAVE: but if i were suddenly dropped back in the 20th century id probably look into it at some point

DAVE: i dunno how though

DAVE: i think it would be mainly like

DAVE: some sort of theraputic interest

DAVE: something relaxing to think about instead of a bunch of ironic and stupidly ambitious objectives

DIRK: Yeah, like the porn bots.

DAVE: yeah exactly

DIRK: Maybe some day, when we're both old men, you can live a quiet life tending to your fossils, and I will do the same with my dear collection of simple-minded chat robots fixated on puppet ass.

DAVE: sounds like the fucking life to me

DIRK: What was the lightning round question this stemmed from again?

DIRK: I forget.

DAVE: dunno

DAVE: maybe were tapering off with the lightning round stuff anyway and its just naturally deteriorating into regular dudechat

DIRK: Maybe.

DIRK: You sure you don't have anything else before we say it's officially deteriorated?

DAVE: k heres a curveball

DAVE: what the fuck are you wearing

DIRK: My prince gear.

DIRK: You know. Leggings, slippers, the poofy asshole pants, a hood with some sort of cloth tiara deal embedded in it.

DIRK: Basic stuff for princes, apparently.

DAVE: huh

DAVE: gotta say

DAVE: some of these god tier ensembles really are...

DAVE: something

DIRK: I thought I hated it at first.

DIRK: But over the couple hours I spent flying back, with time to think about all sorts of stuff...

DIRK: It kinda grew on me.

DIRK: The asshole pants are pretty damn comfortable, so I dunno if I even care how stupid they look.

DIRK: And I *am* kind of an asshole, after all. So who am I to complain.

DAVE: i thought the same thing about my cape outfit at first

DAVE: felt like some bozo from the renaissance festival

DAVE: like maybe i should get on a horse and sing a shitty ballad

DAVE: but then it grew on me pretty quickly

DAVE: hardly ever took it off in three years

DAVE: youre right its comfortable and theyre fuckin magic pajamas or whatever and they start to feel like part of who you are after long enough

DAVE: i mean they are supposed to last you forever right

DAVE: kinda by definition since they come along with immortality

DAVE: maybe part of their magical nature includes this insidious quality where they grow on you

DAVE: or not i dunno maybe this is bullshit and ill just wear some normal person clothes when this is all over

DAVE: what about you are you gonna wear god duds forever

DIRK: Nah. I'm sure I'll wear regular stuff again at some point.

DIRK: If a shirt with a hat on it can be deemed regular.

DAVE: im cool with deeming it as such

DAVE: yeah maybe youre right and we should all stop dressing like tools from an infinite magic slumber party for floundering teens

DAVE: and just look like standard floundering teens

DAVE: some of the getups are pretty out there

DAVE: jakes tho...

DAVE: uh

DAVE: damn??

DIRK: I...

DIRK: Yeah.

DIRK: That page costume.

DIRK: I'd have commented on it, except that would've been casting a stone through a particularly fragile glass wardrobe.

DIRK: So... I just flew away.

DAVE: yeah there was uh

DAVE: some palpable awkwardness there

DIRK: Hm.

DAVE: sorry im still

DAVE: tryin to

DAVE: like

DAVE: wrap my head around

DAVE: ...

DIRK: What?

DAVE: uh

DAVE: dammit

DAVE: ok i guess i might have to break one of our lightning round rules

DAVE: only a little tho

DAVE: i hope

DIRK: About what?

DIRK: The personal stuff?

DAVE: yeah

DIRK: That's fine.

DAVE: ok maybe im not even asking you anything

DAVE: maybe this is just a starting point to ramble to myself

DAVE: on a certain topic

DAVE: i think...

DAVE: there is a SLIGHT chance...

DAVE: i may be the biggest idiot in the world

DIRK: ?

DAVE: when it comes to understanding some things about my bro

DAVE: some pieces i never really put together

DAVE: about him

DAVE: until maybe literally right now

DAVE: which i think makes me an objective dumbass

DIRK: What does this have to do with me and Jake?

DAVE: idk

DAVE: nothin

DAVE: maybe i dont wanna ask you anything about jake

DAVE: maybe ill just keep abiding by the code of basic dude manners on that

DAVE: if i bother skirtin the line of this rule maybe id rather ask you other stuff instead

DIRK: Like what?

DAVE: like

DAVE: um

DAVE: say one of your best friends is a knucklehead you havent seen in three years

DAVE: and unless you use ultra direct and explicit language he just wont put two and two together himself

DAVE: and also say ANOTHER best friend is a girl you feel like you had kind of a special relationship with but you ALSO hadnt seen in three years

DAVE: and shes asleep

DAVE: but at some point shell wake up and youll have to talk to her

DIRK: ...

DAVE: this is dumb im not making any sense

DAVE: lemme start over

DAVE: ok lets say

DAVE: way back whenever

DAVE: howww

DAVE: ...

DAVE: how did you tell your friends

[xplrvibes]

dude imagine if one of them fell one day and got seriously injured or worse. theyd have a title like “he fell 100ft! (lucky to be alive)” and everyone would be like lol the clickbait title again ookkaayy but then actually 😳

i wonder if they still explore just not on camera so they have less stuff to lug around if they need to run.

i would love to explore places here but there’s like 500 creatures and plants that can kill you within a second and they definitely congregate in forgotten derelict places. at least in america and uk you just have to worry about falling and aggressively protective landowners lol

- aussie anon

Honestly, it has always shocked me that with as many dangerous things they've done in their xplr days, the thing that put one of them on the shelf for months was jumping off their own damn balcony by choice for a stupid, ill conceived tiktok lol.

They've done a couple xplr videos since (most of them for xplr club) but honestly, I think actually getting arrested and being booked really humbled them on wanting to do that stuff anymore. Plus they're old now. Old people don't do that shit (I can say this cause I'm old too) 🤣.

Australia does seem to be...riddled with scary ass bugs lol. We've got snakes and like, moose and bears and shit here, but them spiders and bugs y'all got...wow lol.