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hopeless-lovex0 · 5 years

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I HAVE A DREAM (PART 16)

Kim Hongjoong Fanfic

Warning: Angst. Cheating. Heartbreak. Cursing. Fluff.

Fellow Atiny and Kpop Stans, I present to you guys part 16 of I Have A Dream 😃 This chapter was a little hard to write as I had to search up a lot about labor and delivery. I also had to tap back from when I used to work in a Hospital so even though I had to do a lot of research, it was actually really fun to relearn everything again! Also want to point out that we are getting near the end of this story fairly quickly 😢 Its still not over! I still have a couple more chapters to write but just a heads up to everyone who has followed this story from the beginning. 😊 With that being said, I hope you guys enjoy this weeks update, Part 16 of I Have A Dream!!!! 🎉

The steady beeping of the medical ventilator’s came from open room doors around the hospital halls. Various forms of laughter coming from some of those rooms, families visiting their loved ones or getting ready to leave with them. Everything was peaceful, no wounding news clouding the air. Nurses and doctors praying that the night runs out smoothly, but alas their calm aura gets shattered as a young man comes running in through the sliding doors.

His soft, messy hair sticking to his sweat-covered forehead, clothing wrinkled as if he just ran out of bed. They watched as he leaned his body forward putting his hands on his knees and gasping out for air as if he just ran a marathon.

Finally regaining his breath, the man slams his hands on the front desk startling the receptionist from his sudden action. “ Can you please tell me where (Y/N) (L/N)’s room is!” He blurts out, nurses around side-eyeing him in annoyance, his frantic voice bouncing around the lobby.

The nurse gives him a skeptic look, turning her attention to the computer in front of her and typing in a serious of letters. Humming out, she turns back to the man almost leaning over the counter and gives him a friendly small smile. “ I have to ask for some form of ID and relation to the patient before I give out her room number sir. So if you will, may I have an ID.” The lady says, extending her hand out and facing her palm up, waiting patiently for the man in front of her to hand over the PVC plastic card.

Nodding his head, the man reaches into his back pockets for his wallet while muttering out right right. He quickly takes out his national ID card, placing it on the receptionist’s hand and waiting as she scans her eyes through his card and looks up to the computer. “ I'm her brother!” He blurts out, in case she somehow misses his name in the system.

Nodding her head, the lady gives him back his ID, reaching her hand to one of the drawers. Opening it up, she takes out a plastic visitors pass attached to a blue lanyard. She then grabs a white labels sheet and writes down his name on one of the labels. Sticking it on the pass, she gives it to him with a smile.

“ Here's your pass!” She says, the man taking it with from her while making grabby hands and slips it over his head. “ Her room number is 315. The maternity ward is on the third floor, you'll take a left from there and her room will be the second last one down the hall.” The receptionist tells him, the man paying close attention then nodding his head rapidly letting her know that he understands everything she just told him.

Turning around, he makes his way towards the elevators located next to the lobby, pressing the button multiple times in excitement and nervousness. The receptionist giggles quietly in her hand as she watches him bouncing up and down like a kid on a sugar rush.

Entering the opened elevator, he clicks on the third floor still continuing to bounce on the heels of his feet. As the doors are closing, the receptionist gives him a small wave and calls out to him. “ Congratulations on becoming an uncle!” She says, Youngji screaming out a Thank You as the doors are closing.

The elevator ride lasts only a minute, but to Youngji it feels like an eternity, the muted sound as the elevator goes up ringing loudly in his ears. The doors finally open to a beige colored wall, a sign stuck to the wall giving directions to the various rooms located on the floor. Tripping out of the elevator, he takes a left just as the receptionist told him and begins his search for his sister's room.

He follows her exact directions and just like that he ends up in front of a room, the door closed preventing him from seeing anyone inside but he knows it's her room from the number sticking out on the side. Knocking loudly, he waits to enter the room in case they might be doing some test on her but is only met with silence. He's about to knock again, but is stopped by the gentle voice of Hongjoong calling him in.

Placing his hand on the doorknob, he quickly opens the door expecting his sister to greet him but instead he sees her quietly snoozing on the surprisingly big hospital bed. Hongjoong is seated right next to her in one of those uncomfortable green ugly chairs, one hand on Y/N’s head caressing it while the other one is placed on her pregnant belly.

He wants to be angry, lord knows just how much Youngji wants to scream at the cheating bastard touching his precious sister but when he notices the relaxed look on his sister face he knows that the only thing he can do right now is be with her in this moment.

Taking the other chair closes to her, the grips onto Hongjoong’s hand and slaps it away, replacing the hand on her stomach with his own. Giving him a quick glare, the only thing Hongjoong does is give him a small smile, scooting his seat a couple feet away from Youngji’s.

“ What has happened so far?” Youngji whispers towards Hongjoong, scanning the room for anything that could keep him from looking at Hongjoong head-on. “ The doctor has checked on her two times so far. We've been walking around the hospital since we got here and all she's been given is water to drink.” Hongjoong says, keeping his gaze on his pregnant ex-girlfriend.

“ Did they say anything about deliver already or does she still have to wait?” Youngji continues to question, this time focusing his stare on the clipboard hanging on the end of the bed. “ She was almost 7cm dilated and the doctor said it'll take a couple more hours for her to be able to finally push.” Hongjoong says, Youngji humming out to let him know he heard him.

Sitting in silence, they both stay seated a couple feet away from each other, Youngji sending occasional glares at Hongjoong whenever his eyes land on him. “ It completely infuriates me that she called you.” Youngji mumbles out, eyes now fixed on his sister's form, watching as she breathes in and out, occasionally flinching from contractions.

“ I'm sorry..?” Hongjoong questionably apologizes, not sure how to respond to something as harsh as that. Letting out an exaggerated sigh, Youngji shakes his head. “ Though it bothers me to no end, I know she did it with her own intentions. I wasn't picking up and neither was San, and I told her I would always pick up.. No matter what.” Youngji says, a deep frown placed on his face as he silently scolds himself for not being there for his sister.

“ Plus she was planning on talking to you sometime soon. I think she was planning on it after she gave birth, but you're here now so I expect you be in your best behavior or else I'll kick you out myself.” Youngji says, moving his eyes from his sister to Hongjoong. The Kpop Idol giving him a nervous smile and nodding his head up and down like a bobblehead figurine.

Again the room falls back into an uncomfortable silence, at least to Hongjoong as Youngji hardly pays attention to him. Not knowing what to do, Hongjoong stands from his chair and walks up to the window located to the left of the room. The dark night sky slightly glowing with constellations, other scattered stars occasionally shining like small Swarovski diamonds.

His mind starts to drift, various thoughts clouding his mind, from Y/N and his child to how exactly he is going to explain to the manager why he's not at the dorms. The vibrating of his phone in his pocket brings him back to reality and he crosses his fingers praying that is not the manager, or worse the CEO. Taking his phone out, he flips it so that's he's able to see the screen, letting out a sigh of relief when he sees that it's only Seonghwa calling him.

“ Hello..?” He hesitantly answers the call, waiting for the older male to start screaming at him over the phone. “ Hongjoong where the hell are you.” Seonghwa hisses out, the chatter of the rest of the guys in the background letting him know that they are also listening in to the call.

“ Umm.. I'll explain everything later. But like can I talk to San, please? It's an emergency.” Hongjoong asks, hearing Wooyoung choke in surprise at his request. Why the hell does he want to talk to San? Are they cool again?” Runs around the guy's mind, eyes clouded in confusion as they all look at each other. “ San..? He's freaking out in his room right now. Why do you need him anyway? Are you guys back to talking?” Yunho buts in, taking the phone away from Seonghwa and walking to the room were San is currently holed up in.

The rest of the guys follow him, curiosity spiked from the conversation. Throwing the door open, they see San pacing back and forth while gripping onto his phone, typing at a rapid speed. “ San..? You okay there?” Mingi asks him, watching as he clicks something on his phone and brings it up towards his ear, San putting up his finger signaling him to wait.

They stand there for a couple minutes, jumping up when San curses out loudly and runs a hand over his hair, gripping some of it. San turns towards them, face fixed on a grimace. “ What do you want?” He snaps out, turning back towards his phone and resuming his typing. “ It's Hongjoong. He asked if he could talk to you. He said it was an emergency.” Yunho tells him, gesturing to the phone that he is holding out to him.

Furrowing his brows in confusing, he turns to Seonghwa and mouths out a what for? Seonghwa shrugging his shoulder to let him know that he doesn't know as well. Rolling his eyes, he snatches the phone from Yunho and brings it near him, the call already on speaker. “ What do you want Hongjoong.” says San, the guys not missing the way his tone immediately changes to angry.

“ I'm at the hospital. With Y/N.” Hongjoong says, knowing that a situation like this is something that should be dealt with maturity.

“ W-WHAT?! Why is she in the hospital! Is that why she's not picking up?!” San fires out, the rest of the guys wide-eyed from shock. “ She called me after you and Youngji didn't answer her. Her water broke a couple hours ago and she called me after not having anyone else to take her.” Hongjoong explains, watching from the corner of his eye as Youngji eavesdrop on his conversation as best as he can without getting caught.

“ I'm sure she told you guys the hospital she was planning on giving birth in right?” He questions, the guys as well as San saying yes in unison. “ We're in that hospital. I don't know if they'll let you in to see her or if they'll make you guys wait in the waiting area but I just wanted to tell you guys and if you can tell the manager what's happening. I don't know how long it'll be till she finally gives birth so it might intercept with our schedule. Can you do that for me?” He nervously asks, fiddling with his belt buckle while waiting for an answer.

He hears the rest of the guys yell out an okay, Seonghwa snatching his phone back from San and calling out to Hongjoong before he hangs up. “ Hey.. We'll be there as soon as we can, and I'll call the manager right away to tell him... Also please take good care of Y/N... and congrats on becoming a father.” Seonghwa finishes off, hanging up right after, the noise of the other guys freaking out in the background is the last thing he hears.

Sighing out, he shoves the phone back in his pocket, running his hand through his hair in anxiety. “ Why'd you ask for San..? Huh? Knowing that he has feelings for my sister?” Youngji says, standing next to Hongjoong, both of them staring out into the night sky.

They stand in silence for a while, both occasionally turning their gazes behind them to check on Y/N in case she has any discomfort. “ I-... I did it because I know he likes her, he's liked her since he meet her. Every time I would bring her around, I would see how dejected he would be. When I would hug her, kiss her, call her my love he would get this longing look on his face...as if he wanted to be the one doing those things with her.” Hongjoong says, gripping onto the window seal, Youngji watching him with cautious eyes in case he does something to disturb his sister from her nap.

“ The guys used to joke around that if I ever messed up things with Y/N, San was going to swoop in and take her away and I always thought it was funny. I never thought it would happen. Then I did something that I know I'll regret for the rest of my life.... The guys were right, the minute I messed up he was there for her in every way possible.” He continues, voice getting choked up when he mentions the cheating.

“ That's why I asked for him.. Because I know that my chances with her are little to none. If there's someone that is gonna be able to love her as much as I do, treat her better than I ever could, give her the whole world without a second thought... It's San. I accepted that a while ago, the only thing I ask from her is that I'm at least able to be apart of her and our child life. That's all I desire.” He finishes off, gaze places on Y/N a smile grazing his face, although his eyes are filled with unshed tears.

Youngji sighs to himself in defeat, he was never one to hold grudges anyway. Placing his hand on Hongjoong’s shoulder, the pats it a couple times albeit hesitantly in an awkward way. “ Listen Hongjoong.. I might have been harsh on you and I think it was for a good reason but I'm not gonna be the one to keep you away from something as precious as a baby, let alone your own. It all comes down to Y/N so once all of this eventually passes I suggest you have a talk with her.” Youngji tells him, Hongjoong swinging his arm up and patting him on the back.

“ Thank you Youngji. It really means a lot.” Hongjoong smiles at him, arm still places on Youngji’s back. Giving him a small smile, he grabs Hongjoong’s hand and flicks it away. “ Hey! This doesn't mean that we're friends all of the sudden so don't get buddy buddy with me pal.” Youngji snaps at him, causing Hongjoong to let out a chuckle. Nodding his head they both continue to watch as Y/N naps.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It's exactly two hours later that Y/N finally wakes up from her ”nap”, an uncomfortable feeling pushing down on her lower regions. The first thing she does once her eyes adjust to the light is press the call button on the side of her bed, startling her brother and Hongjoong from their slouched positions on the uncomfortable chairs.

“ Y/N! What's wrong! Do you need me to call a doctor?!?!?” Her brother calls out as he basically jumps up from his chair and scrambles over to his sister's side. Hongjoong doing the same, while typing out something on his phone. “ I feel like I'm about to drop a huge watermelon out my butt.” She bluntly says, Youngji wincing out at the image that comes into his mind.

“ Y/N, Here.” Hongjoong says, passing his phone to her, the screen showing a facetime call. Before she can even ask him who it is, the faces of the rest of Ateez appear huddled together as much as they can in front of the small screen. “ Y/N! Hi, how are you doing so far?! Hey Y/N! ARE YOU IN PAIN?!” Various voices overlap each other, the boys talking over each other in excitement over finally meeting the baby.

Giving them a small smile, Y/N waves at the overly thrilled group of guys throwing question after question at her. “ I'm fine you guys. Where are you all anyway?” She questions, the background a little familiar to her. “ We're in the waiting area downstairs! The receptionist said that there couldn't be more than two people up there with you so we're stuck waiting here in this boring room.” Wooyoung answers her, getting slapped in the back of the head by Seonghwa when he says the word boring.

“ Ohhh I see.” Y/N says, wincing in pain when a contractions hits her, this one bigger and stronger than the last one she’s been getting.

The guys watch her over the phone, giving her looks of sympathy, some pouting when they see her grimace in pain.

“ Miss L/N! How are feeling? My pager alarmed me that you pressed the call button?” Her doctor bursts through the door, walking up to Y/N as a couple nurses walk up behind her. “ I feel an immense pressure down there and I honestly feel like I'm ready to push this baby out.” Y/N tells her, rotating her body so that the doctor can check her more properly.

“ It has been a while since I've checked how dilated you are. At this point, I feel like you will be ready to push so let me check you real quick while the nurses set everything up okay?” Her doctor says, helping the nurses set up the leg supports up.

The guys all realize what's happening and begins to yell out their encouragements and their goodbye to Y/N, the bunch getting various dirty looks from the other people in the waiting room. The last thing she hears is Jongho yelling out to her. “ Hwaiting Y/N! Next time I see you I expect a small Jongho to greet me!” the line getting cut off right after.

Shaking her head while chuckling, she notices that the doctor was checking her while she was on the phone with the guys. A couple seconds later the nurse gets done with checking her, giving a nod to the nurse beside her.

“ Well Miss L/N, I'm happy to inform you that you are officially 10cm dilated which means that once the nurses are done setting up you can start pushing.” The doctor tells her enthusiastically, Y/N signing out in relief and her brother squealing in delight.

While the nurses finish up preparing for the delivery, Hongjoong walks up to Y/N and tucks a couple of baby hairs behind her face. She gives him a smile in acknowledgment, body trembling in anticipation and fear, face beginning to cover in a thin sheen of sweat again.

“ You'll be okay.” He whispers out to her, taking ahold of her hand and gripping it as tight as he can. He watches as the nurses attach a fetal monitor around her belly, other nurses bringing a table with a bunch of medical instruments next to Y/N’s feet where another nurse is standing.

The doctor who stepped out a couple minutes ago walks back into the room, decked out in a surgical gown, a cap and a pair of blue nitrile gloves.

Everything happens in a blur, all of a sudden the doctor is right in front of Y/N’s laying body with a bunch of nurses on standby. Hongjoong feels the atmosphere of the room change completely, Youngji getting more serious as the seconds pass.

“ Okay Miss L/N, it's now down to this. We'll wait a couple minutes for you to get comfortable then we can finally start pushing.” The doctor informs her, Y/N nodding her head in understanding. Shifting her gaze to Hongjoong, looking for some type of comfort.

Giving her a big smile, he squeezes her hand in reassurance Youngji leaning over him giving her encouraging gestures and chanting her name quietly.

Letting out a shaky sigh, she closes her eyes for a moment then opens them again, turning to her doctor and giving her a firm nod. Giving her a thumbs up, the nurses stand in position and wait for the doctor to begin.

“ Okay Miss L/N, I'm gonna count down to 10 and once I get to one I want you to push as much as you can.” She says, pausing to make sure that she understand her directions. “ We're gonna do that till I'm able to see the head of the baby, from there I'm gonna make you wait for a couple seconds then push again is that okay with you?” she asks her, Y/N nodding her head while Youngji tries to write everything down in a notebook.

With that they start the process, the countdown making Hongjoong’s and Youngji’s heartbeat rapidly in their chest. Once the doctor says one, Y/N starts to push as best as she can chin touching her chest from how hard she's trying.

After the first countdown, the rest go by rapidly, the nurses and Youngji encouraging Y/N and telling her that she's doing a good job. It isn't till she's done pushing that she hears the doctor call out to her. “ I can see the crown of the head Y/N! C’mon, you can do it! Just a couple more pushes!” the doctor yells out, causing Youngji to jump in excitement.

Pushing again for what feels like the 100th time, Y/N drops her head back in exhaustion, tears on the corner of her eyes and face drenched with sweat. Hongjoong notices her getting tired, placing his other hand on her face as Y/N keeps an tight grip on his other one.

He turns her attention to him, her eyes unfocused from the physical exhaustion she's feeling. “ C’mon Y/N I know you can do this! Just a couple more pushes and we'll find meet out baby! Can you do that for me, and if not for me then do this so that you can finally hold your baby! Okay?!” Hongjoong encourages her, Y/N blinking up at him for a couple seconds before finally snapping out it and nodding her hand.

Hongjoong places a quick kiss on her forehead, ignoring the glare he feels coming from her brother behind him. Ignoring them, Y/N begins to push again letting out yelps and cries of pain as she continues to pull through.

All she hears around her is the sounds of cheering coming from her brother, the nurses encouraging her on as well. Hongjoong leans down and begins to whisper out encouragements in her ear as well, his hand pushing away any hairs that are stuck to her sweaty face.

She hears everything and then all of the sudden she doesn't anymore. The last push tiring her out completely, but it's all worth it. Everything seems muted as a single cry breaks out in the room, the wails of her baby coming right after her cry.

She hears her brother scream out in excitement before a thud rings out right after, gasps from some of the nurses following as well. She hears the nurses rushing around the room, the noise of medical instruments hitting each other rapidly. She hears and feels Hongjoong praising her beside her, his hand still gripping hers as she lays there completely out of it.

So much noise rings her around her, but the only one she's listening to are the cries of her baby finally being born. The cries ring loudly in her ears and she lifts up her head to look at her baby, the action causing Hongjoong to lean away from her.

She trails her eyes around the room, the doctor holding her crying baby in her hands, nurses around her rushing up to the doctor with various items on their hands. She notices that her brother is missing and upon scanning the room once again she notices him passed out in the floor beside her bed.

Shaking her head, she turns her gaze back towards the doctor as she inspects the infant for any bad signs. Turning back towards Y/N and Hongjoong, she gives them a big smile and beckons Hongjoong forward. “ Come here and cut the umbilical cord Hongjoong.” She says, Hongjoong gasping at her in surprise. Turning towards Y/N, she gives him a smile and nods her head in reassurance.

Nodding his head, he moves quickly towards the nurse waiting for him with a pair of surgical scissors, handing them to him with a smile. The nurse instructs him where to cut and he does it with shaky hands and tear-filled eyes.

Taking the baby, they place it on Y/N’s chest. The skin to skin contact causing the baby to calm its loud cries, Y/N feeling tears run down her face in happiness and relief.

She places her hand on it's back, the baby squirming around on her chest. Reaching her hand out, she takes Hongjoong hand and yanks him towards her and the baby, smiling up at him as he caresses the baby’s back.

The doctor and the nurses around the watch with happy smiles, the pair looking like an actual family to them. The doctor walks up towards Y/N and gives her a beaming smile.

“ Congratulations Miss L/N! It's a....”

#ateez imagines #ateez angst #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #kpop angst #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho

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wildefiction · 5 years

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Of Course...Mr. Collins

TWENTY-TWO

The plane ride home was exhausting, though otherwise uneventful. An early morning arrival met you and Misha with dark, wet roads and a severe drop in temperature, immediately making you wish you were back on the islands.

At just after four in the morning, you said your goodbyes to Misha and Cliff before falling into bed. While Hawaii had been beautiful, you were happy to be home. With the California convention closing out the season, you wondered what Misha would have you do during the winter break. Wrapping yourself in a nest of blankets, your eyes closed almost immediately after crawling into your four-poster canopy bed.

Plaintive cries of indignation tore you from a dreamless sleep and you woke to find both of your cats pointedly staring at you from atop their position on your stomach. One of them had the good grace to at least offer a rumbling purr at the first sign of your stirring. Your attempts to ignore their demands for food by rolling to the other side of the mattress did little to deter them. Snuffling purrs rolled against the curve of your ear, whiskers tickling the skin with their light touch. “Fine, yes, I’m getting up!” With a heaving groan you stumbled from the soft surface, absentmindedly filling the empty dishes in the kitchen so as to dissuade the complaints of the dependents who wound through your legs.

Dragging the comforter from your room to wrap around your shoulders, you settled into the couch for a day of movie watching. Since your sister was still in Hawaii with Galen, the idea of a quiet day at home was just what you needed. Flipping through several social media platforms and seeing no updates from her surprised you, usually she dominated the websites with non-stop photos. Shrugging it off, your attention turned back to the tv, content with your decision to have a Harry Potter marathon. Musing to yourself, you wondered, was it possible to watch all seven movies in one day?

You were able to make it through the first and most of the second film before dozing off, and the rest of the day was filled with a cycle of sleeping, switching discs and eating. Towards the end of the evening, an Instagram notification appeared on your phone, once again startling you from the light state of unconsciousness you’d drifted in and out of today. A half smile of relief at the beachy sunset quelled the uneasiness that had tried to worm its way into your mind. Watching over your sister had been something you’d tasked yourself with from a young age, and even now that the two of you were adults, it was a hard habit to break.

Early the next morning, you dressed quickly. One perk to having an early-to-rise boss was that often by eight am you’d already been awake for a couple hours. This schedule had almost seamlessly transferred to include your days off. Thanksgiving was a week away and you’d finally be able to not only afford all of the ingredients for a literal feast, but also have people to share your efforts with. A beautiful fall day greeted you as you descended the stairs, stopping a moment to appreciate the crisp chill of the air and the dried leaves that painted the ground in values of crimson, gold and tangerine.

Turning your music up and speeding through scattered leaves had you smiling to yourself when you pulled into the grocery store parking lot a few minutes later. Although it was early, plenty of people were already gathering their groceries for the upcoming holiday. Pointing the key fob over your shoulder and pulling the crimson peacoat more securely around your shoulders, the audible beeping of the car locking echoed around you.

Grabbing your phone from the pocket inside your bag, you unlocked the screen and navigated through the applications until you found the list of ingredients you needed to purchase. Humming contentedly to yourself as the pile of produce and baking components accumulated in the cart, you didn’t notice until too late that you’d bumped into another lady in front of you. As you rushed to apologize, you quickly realized it was your old boss.

The furtive glances and tight-lipped smile she offered created an air of awkwardness as you mumbled an obligatory hello.

“So…[Y/F/N], ho-how have you been?” The light touch of her fingertips on your shoulder made you flinch, though you doubted she had noticed. Her white-knuckled grip on the handles of her basket betrayed her confident demeanor. Taking a deep breath, you considered. How had you been? Fucking fantastic was the answer. And yes, you had been upset when she’d unceremoniously fired you, but without having had that happen, you might never have been given the opportunity to accept what had literally become your dream-job.

“Actually...I’ve been great! I found a new position pretty quickly and I’m so grateful that things worked out how they did. Otherwise, I’d still be struggling to pay my bills and feeling like my career was going nowhere.”

The excitement in your tone was unquestionable, but the look of hurt in the woman’s eyes made it clear that she’d thought you were being frigid.

“Oh! I mean..I was really appreciative of the relationship we’d formed for the years I worked for you, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not trying to be rude, and I realize you could only offer me so much. Really though, you gave me something I didn’t have the courage to do for myself; an out. So, for that, thank you.”

The tentative smile and confidence that swept through you allowed you to fold her into a hug, her bewildered expression delaying her reaction. As she brought her arms up to return the hug, you were already stepping back, guiding your cart around her.

“Happy Holidays!” The lilting tone in your voice settled into the same comfortable humming from earlier as you added the final items from your list to the cart.

Amongst the friendly chatter with the young woman ringing up your groceries, your phone began to ring. The muffled sounds of Louden Swain drifted from the bottom of your bag and you set to work digging through the expansive tote trying to find the device in time to answer it.

“I love Louden Swain, did you go to their concert in Seattle last month?” The bright brown eyes of the cashier lit up, and with them, so did her entire face. “I didn’t get to unfortunately, I had to work - but I was able to see them perform a few days ago in Hawaii, they are fantastic aren’t they?”

Nodding as she finished calculating your order, you lifted the phone to your ear just in time to have the ringing silence itself. Flipping through the caller ID, you realized it was Misha who’d called. Not wanting to be rude, you paid for your purchases and thanked the woman, wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving as you dialed the number to reach your boss.

“Hey Misha, what’s up?”

“Nothing, just some errands.”

As you turned to leave you didn’t notice the look of surprise come over the woman’s face who watched you walk away from her checkstand, bags of groceries gripped tightly in your hand.

As you unloaded the items from the back of your car and carried them up the three flights of stairs to your apartment, your phone rang again. Luckily, this time it started right as you reached the final landing.

“Norman! Wow, I didn’t expect you to call, how are you?!” The excitement in your voice caused you to miss the questioning tone of his voice.

“Why’da think ah wou’na call ya?” “Happy Thanksgivin’ Sunshine!” Laughing, you returned the greeting only to remind him that you still had a week to prepare and not to jinx you. As the two of you discussed your individual holiday plans, the phone beeped against your shoulder just as you set the milk in the door of the refrigerator.

“One sec, that’s my other line.” Switching calls, Misha was there asking you to work for a few hours. Looking around to make sure everything was put away, you scooped some food from the container for your cats and lowered the bowls to the ground. Not knowing how long you were going to be gone, you’d rather know the girls had been fed early than making them wait too long. Promising you’d be there soon, you ended the call as you once again grabbed your keys and shut the door behind you. There hadn’t even been enough time to take off your coat.

As you docked your phone in the car cradle, you quickly realized the second line was on hold; Norman was still waiting. Cursing, you quickly fumbled for the screen as you started the car.

“Sorry, I totally didn’t forget that you were still waiting on me.” Laughter echoed through your car speakers as you turned left out of the parking lot and headed for I-5 North.

“I forgive ya, swee’har, dun worry abou’ it.” Norman kept you company for the drive to Misha’s house, talking about meeting new people in Australia for the wrap-up of season three. A tired sigh filtered through the space around you and you recognized the sound of exhaustion that came with Norman’s voice.

“Hey, just one more week till Thanksgiving, you can stuff yourself silly and nap all day!” The laughter in your voice ebbed away when Norman snorted.

“Nah, gotta work till Wednesday and I’m just hanging out in Georgia for the rest of the week. Gonna be kina quiet, Mingus is spending the week with ‘is mom - so it’s just gonna be me an’ Eye.” A quiet huff punctuated the statement. “Anyhow, ya prolly gettin’ close ta Misha’s place - I’ll talk ta ya later, gotta get back ta work.” After saying your goodbyes, the call ended just as you pulled into Misha’s driveway.

Sitting in the office chair behind his desk, you set to work organizing the newest information for the project that would replace Gishwhes. Although you’d never gotten the chance to participate in the scavenger hunt, the new version sounded just as fun.

“Hey, [Y/F/N], can you call Jensen and ask if they’ll still be in Vancouver next week? I need a headcount for dinner.”

Scribbling the note on a scrap piece of paper so you wouldn’t forget, you grabbed your phone to look up his number.

“Oh! And Rachel is waiting on the final numbers from the Castiel ops we offered last weekend, can you email Creation and have them contact her please?”

The task joined the one on your notepad as you continued to scroll through your now extensive contacts list. The sheer amount of phone numbers you’d received over the last week still surprised you. Muttering to yourself, you ran through the entries,

“Briana, Kim, Jared...there, Jensen.”

A text message from your sister came through just as you were about to call the Ackles'.

‘Hey love, won’t be home for Thanksgiving next week, Galen wants me to stay another few days. Love you.”

As your shoulders dropped at the news, you couldn’t say you weren’t disappointed, but you were happy she was having a good time. Pushing the thought from your mind, you went back to calling Jensen as you opened a blank email and sent the request for a financial report to the convention team.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

TAGS: @jamielea81 @wings-of-a-raven

#WildeFiction #Misha x Reader #Norman Reedus x Reader #Supernatural Fanfiction #SPN x RPF

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imagine-loki · 6 years

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Packless Monsters

TITLE: Packless Monsters CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 32/? AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you’re a werewolf who ends up in the company of Loki in the Avenger’s tower after saving Pepper’s life RATING: M NOTES/WARNINGS: Also on AO3 click here

“Loki, can we go back upstairs now?” you asked softly, hiding your aching head against his chest and refusing to open your eyes. He kissed the top of your head.

“Of course, darling,” you kept your eyes firmly closed and let him steer you back upstairs to your couch. You hadn’t even noticed that he used magic to change both of your clothes back to the comfy lounge clothes you had picked out for your lazy Sunday. You growled when your phone started ringing from your pocket. You fished it out and answered without looking at it or the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Y/N, It’s Samuel. I had to call and check to make sure you were safe today,” his voice was short and no-nonsense.

“Yes, Samuel. I’m safe. Loki and I are spending the day in the heavily fortified Avenger’s tower,” you told him exasperated by everyone’s constant concern, though you understood the reason behind it.

“And you trust them with your safety? They know what’s going on today?” Samuel pressed. You finally figured that there was a more pressing issue here.

“Yes, they know and I trust them.”

“I have pack business to take care of. Would Rachel be safe there too?” Samuel asked and you knew then how much he trusted you and the Avengers to even ask. He wouldn’t be letting her out of his sight if he didn’t trust her guardians.

“Of course she will. Do we need to come get her?”

“You’re not going anywhere, you’re in no shape,” Loki told you firmly, nearly growling at the suggestion.

“No, I’ll drive her over and pick her up later,”

“I don’t need a babysitter!” Rachel’s voice yelled from the background.

“We’re about to start a Harry Potter marathon and drink tea in pajamas all day. I think there might be chocolate cake involved if we pester Loki enough. Tell her she’s welcome to join us,” you told Samuel. He relayed your message and Rachel finally agreed to come just to hang out with you. It saved face for her and let Samuel know she was somewhere safe. Everyone won.

“I’ll call you when we get there and you can send Loki down to collect us. If I see you outside, I’ll bite you myself,” Samuel threatened loudly enough that Loki would be able to hear too. Loki chuckled.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said loudly enough that Samuel could hear him. You hung up then and finally risked opening your eyes so you could get the DVDs out while Loki summoned the tea and blankets and a selection of books. You also had Jarvis tell the rest of the team there’d be another wolf hiding out here soon. You had a nice comfy nest of couch cushions, blankets, and pillows built by the time that Samuel called you back.

“Loki will meet you downstairs in a minute,” you greeted him. He laughed and hung up. You nodded to Loki and he went to go collect the wolves. You waited by the elevator for them to get up here. You hugged Rachel and Samuel when they got off the elevator. They both gave you a look and glanced at Loki. You flushed, and hoped they were nice enough to keep their mouths closed at what their noses smelled that you and Loki had done last night.

“Thanks for letting Rach hang out there,” Samuel told you. “I wouldn’t impose, but…”

“You don’t trust Jareth and his wolves,” you finished. He nodded.

“I won’t leave her alone there with them and I have other pack business to work on,”

“Need help?” you asked automatically. He laughed.

“I need you two to help by staying out of danger. You’ll keep them safe?” Samuel asked Loki.

Loki inclined his head regally. “I will,”

“Samuel, this building is a fortress and full of Avengers. We’re not leaving the main floor of the tower. We’ll be fine,” you told him firmly. “Go take care of the pack. The worst that will happen here is Loki might get his nails painted,” you smirked over at Loki while Rachel got a glint of mischief in her eyes too.

“Maybe if I bribe you with enough chocolate cake I can escape that fate,” Loki suggested, but didn’t sound convinced.

“Maybe if you find us another victim,” you suggested innocently.

“That I might be able to arrange. You should escape before you get claimed as their first victim,” Loki told Samuel. He wisely decided to leave before he got his nails painted, or worse.

You put the first Harry Potter movie on and settled in the nest of cushions and blankets. Rachel was already there curled on one side of Loki. He was surprised that she had just cuddled up to him and was not at all surprised when you curled up on his other side. He kissed your hair and pulled the blankets up over both of you. “All of you wolves are incorrigible cuddlers,” he sighed in exasperation.

“Hush you or we get the nail polish out,” Rachel threatened. Loki chuckled.

“You seem to have acquired another cuddle,” Tony quipped from the elevator when he stepped out and saw the scene of two girls cuddled up with Loki, who wasn’t complaining for some strange reason.

“Target acquired,” you whispered to Rachel. She grinned and you both jumped to your feet. Before Tony knew what was happening, you and Rachel were both dragging him over to the middle of the living room.

“I thought they were supposed to be weak when they’re without their powers!” Tony growled trying to fight off the two of you and failing without his suit. “Reindeer Games!” Tony actually asked Loki for help. Loki raised his hands in surrender.

“If I help you then I shall be submitted to the same torture,” Loki replied, making no move to help. “And I would rather not. Ladies, do you require assistance?” he asked, choosing the correct side in this battle.

“Nah, we’ve got him,” Rachel said as Tony was thrown onto his back on the floor.

“I’m going to get you for this,” Tony growled. He was soon sat on by two werewolves.

“Love, we don’t have any nail polish down here. Do you mind?” you asked Loki. He summoned a selection for you. “Thanks!” Tony struggled, but he was laughing now that he knew what you were up to.

“That pink doesn’t go with my complexion. Pick the other one. No, not that one, yes!” he finally said. Rachel sat on his chest and painted his fingernails while you stripped off his shoes to get his toes. They were going to be obnoxiously bright purple.

“Do I even want to know what’s going on in here?” Cap asked when he saw the sight. “No, no I don’t,” he answered his own question and just kept walking through the room quickly, followed by Bruce, who equally wasn’t stopping to help Tony.

“Need help?” Nat asked you and Rachel as she took a picture of Tony getting his nails painted while being sat on by two werewolves with Loki looking on unhelpfully from the sidelines. You thanked her, but told her that you had the situation under control.

Tony was allowed to escape once his nails were painted. He ran for it the second he was free. He had thought the joke was funny once he was in on it, but he wasn’t sticking around to find out what the two silly werewolves would come up with next. You calmly pained Loki’s nails black, which he graciously submitted to. You were content after that to both curl back up using him as a pillow to continue your movie marathon.

“Brother?” Thor asked when he finally came into the room.

“I have been defeated by two cuddly werewolves. There was nothing I could do,” Loki said mournfully, dramatically. You and Rachel both laughed and just cuddled better around Loki. “Such an awful defeat. Just leave me for dead, Brother, save yourself,”

Thor laughed and came over, lifting Rachel from the cuddle. She shrieked and struggled, but wasn’t effective against the wall of muscle that was Thor. However, he settled her next to him a moment later after he had joined the next of pillows and blankets. “Warm~” she said softly and gladly curled up with Thor. He was the superior cuddle for her, as he really was stupidly warm. He chuckled.

“She’s married, Thor. Don’t get any ideas,” you warned. You didn’t think he was silly enough to think that cuddling from a werewolf was anything serious, but you wanted to make sure just in case.

“I would make no moves on a married lady,” Thor replied formally. “However, your kind do not view cuddling as anything more than a friendly gesture, which I am perfectly capable of providing,” he added. Rachel nodded, her eyes were already closing, a mix of tired from Winter’s Moon, the exertion of forcing Tony to have his nails painted, and the warmth of her cuddle.

Loki flushed and looked at you, embarrassed as he realized that Thor might have warm that you needed and that was something he couldn’t help with. “You’re cold today. Would you rather-?” he asked softly, hesitantly. He would give up the contact with you and the cuddle he enjoyed to make you more comfortable. You made a small sad noise that he would even suggest it and held him tighter.

“Mine,” you said firmly.

He kissed the top of your head and you heard the smile in his voice when he replied “Yes, darling, all yours,”

#Loki #Lover #Imagine #Submitted fic #submission #chapter 32 #nekoamamori #packless monsters

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basically-an-artist · 6 years

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Part one of my #nanowrimo entry... Feedback welcome

I had to give myself a second to process what i thought i was seeing. Lamont, my brother, in my living room. His hair had grown alot longer since the last time id seen him. Though, i could tell by the way hed tied his locs that it was him. Messy but functional, and somehow always stylish. For him, though, as with everything, it came naturally.

He looked magical, bathed in the blue light of the tv; as if there was such a look. He scanned one of the posters on the wall, apparently facinated with world war z. I wondered how he was able to see them at all with only the pale light from the tvs reflection to distinguish them. In his black trench coat and kangol cap he was out of place amongst the empty beer cans, macbooks, assorted drug paraphernalia, and Harry Potter dvd box set scattered over the floor. It didnt help that he was drenched and dripping water over everything. A puddle collected slowly on the rug beneath him. It wasnt raining outside, though, so i could only guess how he'd been so thouroughly soaked.

Either way, he left a puddle under him as he stood, and by the size of it hed been here a while.

"You arent going to say hello to your brother?"

He didnt even turn around to speak, he kept looking at the pictures and posters lining the walls. I jumped slightly at the sound of him. I hadnt realized hed seen or even heard me;i couldnt even hear my own steps as i walked down the hall. It was a few seconds before i answered, roiling over his last visit before i said anything.

How did he get in? Were on the third floor.

"What are you even doing here dude, i told you i didnt want to see you." My voice fell off at the end. Im sure it gave away at least a peice of my inner monolouge.

Id actually kind of wished hed just show up like this, as he tended to do when he was unwelcomed. I hoped the prompt would give him a reason to apologize for our last meeting, or at least offer an explanation.

He completely ignored what id said.

"You know ive actually seen one of these before," he paused as he pointed at the tv, "What did they call them in the books... dementors?" He shuddered slightly before shaking his head. Now he spoke in a hush, like he was talking to himself, "Those things are not done justice by the movies." He looked away now, another shudder shaking his coattails. Water droplets flying.

"Why are you here? How did you get in?" Silence.

The questions hung in the air. My heartbeat rang in my ears for every second that passed

More silence.

The whole room seemed to breathe with my brother as he sighed. He finally turned to look at me and i froze. Half of me wanted to run to him, but the other half was screaming to jump out the window.

Has face bore the scar of a grotesque burn. As if hed peeked into the nozzle of a flamethrower as it turned on.

his eye underneath the scar looked normal enough. It didnt look misshapen or damaged in any way. But he no longer had an eyelid, top or bottom. His right eye almost cartoonish, exposed, and surrounded by the muddied burgundy of the charred skin in the pale blue light. He kept a straight face as he looked at me, but his eye gave his gaze a manic intensity.i had to stop myself from looking away.

I tried to keep my face as neutral as possible, failing apparantly as he chuckled at me in that way he did. The crooked grin on his face saying more than he'd said in any conversation between us. That smile always held secrets.

"I came back to give you something," he began," a souvenir from my travels." He went back to looking at the posters. Staring at them as if taking in some hidden meaning from their images. He did always seem to see some unseen message in everything. You can always learn more the second time around.

"Where have you been?" My voice gave way again. Again i was just the little brother of the infinitely talented Lamont Caldwell. asking questions i couldnt understand the answers to; trying to follow him on his oh-so mysterious adventures. Hed only been in front of me two minutes and hed sent me back 20 years. Again i was a scared and confused 4 year old.

"Dont worry about it. Everything will make sense soon. I told you a long time ago that i had to leave to really discover what it was i was meant to do. There was a purpose for me outside of what our parents had told us for so long." He crossed the room silently towards me, darkening the the floor in wet muddy footprints along the way. He kept eye contact the whole way, that orb of an eye boring into me."Theres a reason for all of this Marion, and i think ive finally found out what it is."

That eye paralyzed me. I was only aware of it because every muscle in my body wanted to back away, to run to my room and lock the door. It felt like minutes passed between each of his steps, like a dream carrying him to me in slow motion.

Stop stop stopstopstop.

He was inches from me now. Eyes still excavating my soul. As i looked into his, though, i could only see the boundlessness of his darkness. He was still an enigma to me; a shadows shadow. Of all the people id known in my life my brother had known me the best, and yet id never felt as if i truly understood him. Now, though, i felt as if i knew what he was thinking. If only for these few seconds.

Slowly, as if his body questioned his own actions, he wrapped his arms around me. His embrace reminded me of dads hugs. He was strong, but gentle. An embrace filled with the love of a long overdue apology. At least thats how i took it.

I accepted it and hugged him back. We stood that way for ten long heartbeats, the seconds passing lazily. I heard a sniffle and questioned for a second if it was him or me that had started crying, but couldnt turn over the thought before he said so low i almost questioned if hed spoken.

" Dont let our secrets burn you."

I felt my face contort in confusion before he ended the embrace. As i opened my mouth to speak the door to a room behind me opened, the noise startling me as it broke the tense silence.

I jumped and turned to see my roommate billie exiting her room in her hot pink bathrobe. Hair tousled, expression caught between annoyance and confusion. Shed just woken from a satifyingly deep sleep.

" dude. Have you seriously been out here watching harry potter this whole time? I know we said wed watch them all straight through but you had to realize that was a suicide run. Go the fuck to sleep. We both have work tomorrow." She shuffled past me to the kitchen turning on the light and then the faucet.

As she filled a cup with water i scanned the room for my brother. He was gone. His absence left a hole in the room, a void of energy where he should have been, but that could have been me projecting.

Of course.

Just like him to come raising a million questions and leave answering none of them.

How the hell did he get in?

I shook the thought out of my head, only then remembering what id come to the livingroom for in the first place. I began to pick up the room, the aftermath of an attempt at a pre-thanksgiving break movie marathon. It was supposed to be an all nighter. Unfortunately, the mixture of wine intoxication and primo bud had most of the participants passing out in their seats before the third movie started.

I picked up the candy wrappers and swept the loose tobacco into the trash. Only seeing the, clearly out of place, bound leather book when i cleared the pizza boxes from the table. This must have been that souvenir he was talking about.

It was dark brown, almost black, and encircled in thick metal bindings. An archaic iron-looking latch and lock protruded from the front. I wasnt sure how he expected me to open this book or if he expected me to.

I turned it over inspecting it more closely. Even in the dim light i could see the textblock was lined in silver. It glow eerily and reminded me somewhat of a bible.

On the back was a post it note:

Hold on to this. See you soon. -L

I rolled my eyes and tucked the book under my left arm. Its not like i hadnt seen my brother in almost 2 years, at least he gave me a completely useless gift too.

Billie crossed back into her den warning me to not make any loud noises on pain of death, which i obliged. I quickly finished straightening the room and headed back down the hall to my own bed. I tossed the book onto my dresser and collapsed under the weight of the night onto my pillow, not even bothering to cover myself with the comforter. The questions still swirling around my head settled in my skull as sleep took me.

As i drifted into the land of dreams a single thought peeked back through the veil before being silenced by the void of unconciousness.

How the hell did he get in?

#nanowrimo #my writing #writing #fantasy #urban fantasy #witch #witchcraft

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zenkatki · 4 years

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Pandemic Ironman 2020

I have been asked by a few people to write something regarding Ironman Florida, the first full 140.6 Ironman held in the United Stated since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. I have never done a race write up before and I am not sure where to begin. I will take it from training which started in March to the end of the race and the reader can skip around to the parts they find interesting.

Training

Ironman Florida was to be my tenth Ironman, a step on the road to Legacy. I started a training plan that I had used before in February and tweaked it a little with my Ironman Coach certification. I already had a good endurance base from the 2020 Dopey Challenge at Walt Disney World in January, so February was primarily weight training and short distance swim, bike and runs. I still had a pool this month at New York Sports Club in Smithtown.

March is where things got interesting and COVID-19 lock-down started. The gym closed. I quickly purchased a Thermal Reaction wetsuit from Blueseventy and found my gloves and booties. I am fortunate to live 2.5 miles from the Long Island Sound so open water swims started early March. It was freezing but a bit fun to channel my inner Wim Hof. The swim training for this Ironman was entirely open water, with one pool swim in July when my sister invited me to her Town Pool once it opened. It was a concern because I feel pool intervals are important but I learned to incorporate intervals in the open water which helped break up those sessions and gave me focus.

I was able to get weight training done at work, we have a pretty decent set up in our garage. Biking and running proceeded as usual with a mix of outside rides and runs and some Zwift workouts. With a ten month training period I worked a lot of Zone 2 heart rate training, I’ve become a big believer.

It was weird not knowing at this point if the race was even on, and training helped me deal with a lot of the unknown, the anxiety. It pushed me through the spring and summer feeling hopeful despite seeing all the races on the circuit being cancelled. I had a 70.3 planned for late August in Maine that was not to be this year.

Time passed and soon it was race time. Ironman sent multiple e-mails stating they were still looking to hold the race and how it would function. I kept a folder in my e-mail with all the correspondence from Ironman, the airline, the hotel and TriBike Transport.

Travel

For whatever reason this was a tough flight to find. I had to go American Airlines and the flight to Florida was out of LaGuardia to Charlotte to Fort Walton Beach, an airport that was about an hour away from Panama Beach City. Going home was Panama City to Charlotte to JFK. Out of all three airports, JFK in New York was the only one with the Department Of Health forms to fill out upon arrival.

Now the story I’m about to write is to show how important it is to remain alert and pay attention to detail when you travel. Hopefully you will learn from my mistake here.

I wearily got off the plane at Fort Walton and found a cab outside, a nice, elderly man named Bill who was willing to drive me over an hour to my hotel in Panama City. He was driving, we were chatting and he asked me if it was okay for him to stop for gas. Sure, no problem. At the gas station he asked if I wanted to get anything and I said yes, I’ll run in for a drink. As I exited the gas station I saw the taillights of my cab leaving the pump and proceeding down the road. Without me. I did my best to stay calm but my cab had just left me stranded and my bags were in the car, along with my wallet, shield, and ID. I wondered if I was on a television show. After a few minutes it became clear that I was not on TV, and I needed to do something to track down this car. I was angry at myself for not knowing the cab company name, or getting the vehicle’s plate. After getting nowhere on the phone trying to contact the airline I asked the woman at the gas station to call the police. It was at this moment my cab returned, and my friend Bill said he thought it was weird I wasn’t answering his questions anymore and when he turned around and didn’t see me, he remembered I ran into the gas station. I refrained from physically strangling this man and climbed back into the minivan, clearly shook regarding how this race weekend just started.

Hotel

I had booked the Boardwalk Beach Hotel & Convention Center when I registered for this race. It was originally the host hotel and the race was to take place right on the grounds which is super convenient. Due to COVID and the safe return to racing, the race venue was moved six miles away to Aaron Bessant Park so they could spread us out more. I kept the reservation at BBH to be fair and help with the hotel’s business. I did enjoy being there but it was far from everything. In retrospect I should have rented one of those kewl golf carts and used that to get around for the weekend. I spent approximately $100 in Uber fees going back and forth to Aaron Bessant and Pier Park. All my cab fees, airport runs included, came to about $250. A shuttle would have been super nice but I think the majority of the people racing switched their accommodations upon the announcement of the venue change.

The hotel itself was okay, I was on the ground floor so it was out and a short walk to the water and road. The cafeteria had coffee in the morning and some pastries but I only saw them cooking food my last day as I checked out. The people that worked there were nice, I’ll forever remember me cleaning my bike in my room with the door open and housekeeping cleaning the adjoining rooms. I had put some music on the Bluetooth and we had a great time.

Race Check In

About a week before traveling Ironman sent out an Active.com e-mail with a link to reserve race check in times. This again was to space us out and not have us standing in line, clogging up the area. I picked Wednesday night between 5-6PM. Bibs were given out first come, first serve so the lower your bib number was the earlier you checked in. I was #1038. I arrived at about 4:45 with my mask and was told I could go in. It was athletes only so if you were with someone they had to wait outside the Ironman Village for you. I had to answer a short survey verbally, get my temperature taken, and then was directed table to table, just like a regular race. For places where a line of people might happen there were tape marks and lanes were roped off with string and little ribbons indicating every six feet. I was able to pick my bike check-in time for Friday, they gave me a little card with 2-3PM on it. I actually really liked this system and I think it would be great even when racing goes back to its regular routine. I found it interesting that the swag such as the swim cap and back pack didn’t have the race name on it. The finisher shirt and medal had no date on it. I guess up until the very start of the race it was always uncertain if it would be a go.

I learned that Ironman Gulf Coast 70.3 would also be on Saturday, November 7th, with an 11:00AM start time. So both races would be going at almost the same time using the same course and staging area. I received an e-mail from Triathlon Wire with the numbers of about 1250 athletes for the full and 300 for the half.

After checking in I walked over to the TriBike Transport tent, picked up my bike, put air in the tires and rode it back to my hotel. It was dark when I got back so I walked over to Subway for a veggie sub.

Thursday was a day for me to ride a little, swim a little and look around a little. My calves let me know when I did too much walking. That happens to me often at Disney for marathon weekend. You’re in a great place and want to see it all but remember, there’s a race in a couple of days! I did what I could to find vegan food options in a very big seafood area. I remembered to bring food to eat later back to my room, I had a refrigerator and a microwave there.

I walked on the pier and saw a few of the swim course buoys set up. It always looks so far, doesn’t it?

Before bed I watched the athlete briefing on-line and reviewed the race packet I printed out before I left New York. I got my gear bags ready to be handed in along with my bike the next day.

Bike Check In

Friday I rode my bike and gear bags to check in at 2PM. For some reason we also needed to wear our timing chip which made me thankful I watched that briefing the night before, because they really weren’t letting people go in without them. Athletes only again, no one without a timing chip and an event race band could enter transition. In I went with my mask on again.

Bikes were placed every other space on the rack giving us a little more room. Gear bags stayed with the bike. I tucked mine under the rear wheel that was in the air. All items in the bags must stay in the bags even during the race. So the guy two spots down from me who set his area up like he was doing a neighborhood sprint complete with a towel mat had to put all his gear back in the bags. After taking a picture of my set up and saying good night to my bike (for real, I speak to it) I got out of there. I made sure I knew where I was regarding swim in, bike out/bike in and run out before I left. I picked up a veggie pizza before heading back to the hotel. I spent the remainder of that day eating, relaxing, reading, prepping my Special Needs bags. I usually apply race numbers (TriTats) the night before but there was no body marking for this race so I wasn’t going to use up the numbers.

I was slightly concerned about getting to the race start so early the next morning. The front desk had recommended a cab service, but I met an awesome man named El by the hotel pool. He needed a charger for his Garmin. I let him use mine and we started talking about the next morning. He had driven to Florida from Tennessee, had his car and offered me a ride to the start which I gratefully accepted.

Race Morning

Up at 3:45AM race morning. Made instant coffee, ate half a bagel, lubed, dressed, double checked all my bags and headed out. El and I drove to transition and he was able to park close to the transition entrance. Special Needs bags were handed off on the way in to Transition. Masks were on. I went to my bike, double checked the tires and filled the water and Gatorade bottles. They didn’t want us wondering around too much. I did see Chris Nikic walk into Transition. This race was his attempt at becoming the first person with Down Syndrome to complete an Ironman. I thought it was great to see him, a good sign. Now that I think about it at this point I just focused on that good thought and the cab ride from the airport wasn’t even in my head. Mike Reilly was there! I got ready to swim and tucked my Morning Clothes bag behind my gear bags, Morning Clothes stayed with us as well.

Swim

The forecast projected it being overcast most of the day and the morning was a bit cloudy. I picked goggles with a super light tint and it was a good choice. We were to stand with our bikes until our projected swim time was called out. I stayed put until I heard, “1:20-1:30 head to the swim start now!” Everyone thinking they were finishing the swim in that time started out and towards the beach, it was about a seven minute walk on the road and on sand. Some people had throw-away shoes on, I did not. The road had tape marks every six feet, they wanted you to try to stay on them when walk-traffic stopped. On the sand they had roped off lanes with pink ribbons tied on every six feet. We were to stay on a ribbon. There were spectators the whole walk. Eventually my lane made it to the water and they were letting four people enter every five seconds or so. Despite this great system guess what. Once we were in the water in was a traditional Ironman. It took some time to get passed the breaks but once I was in I was going. Two loops, clockwise in the Gulf. I saw fish and a sea turtle. There was a current pushing us sideways so it took some effort and a lot of sighting to stay to the left of the buoys. It wouldn’t be an Ironman if I didn’t get hit in the eye and I got it on my second loop. If you’re familiar with the Lake Placid swim it was like that only no cable though, sorry. Despite it being wetsuit legal I was getting hot towards the end. I really enjoyed the water though and had a swim time of 1:27:01.

My transition neighbors were gone by the time I got into T1 so I had plenty of room. I was expecting to have to wear a mask in Transition but we did not. I had my bike gear in the bag set up so I could just pull it out and put it on and it worked well. I hung my wetsuit on the bike rack to dry hoping that was allowed. It was still there when I got back so I guess it was. Once I was bike ready I made my way out to start my ride. My T1 time was 10:39.

Bike

Because the swim had been warm I started my bike ride a little thirsty which was unfortunately a sign of things to come. To keep contact points down Ironman had reduced the amount of Aid Stations, so after drinking my water and most of my Gatorade quickly it was some time before I could refill. I ate every 45 minutes to an hour on the bike. Solid food was no problem, I had a lot with me and grabbed extra going through the Aid Stations. It was fluid I needed more often than it was available. If the sun had been out full force I think I would have had an even worse problem. It was about 80 degrees, humid, still overcast and windy which meant I was sweating and not really going anywhere when pedaling against the wind. I used the tail wind as best I could to make up time. I really think I need to be re-fit for my bike because at mile 30 I was already having terrible lower back pain. It wasn’t an easy ride and despite everyone telling me how flat the course is, it was over 3,000 feet of elevation. I had to get off to use the porta-potty and stretch early on. I guess at this point I should mention my race kit. I wore a one-piece tri suit from Zoot, the Autism Ohana kit. Google it if you have a chance, I think it’s great. Very colorful and for a good cause. I wore it to remember my friend Lizzie that I run with sometimes in Central Park as a volunteer for Achilles. But there are goods and bads of wearing a one-piece and the bads is definitely when you try to use the bathroom in it. It has little sleeves that are tough to find and get your arms through when they are wet. So there was a struggle in that porta-potty, no doubt. Finally I opened the door. The porta-potty was on an incline and I kind of stumbled out of it and cracked my left knee on the doorway. Then I bent over to grab my knee and hit my big, bike helmet head on the side. I felt like the Three Stooges was trying to do an Ironman, I really did. Shaking my head I got back on the bike and started to go. I felt my knee throbbing for about twenty miles. As I write this I have a wicked bruise. But back to the bike…This was a one loop course on the highways of Florida. There were wide shoulders and a bike lane that we rode in but in the back of my mind I kept thinking this was an active road way and any passing needed to be super carefully done. Cars were courteous enough not to use the right lane but if a driver wanted to be a jerk and use it they could. Any residential/business areas had spectators. As I said before it was windy. I did the best I could and had some good splits when the wind was with me but I needed to get off a few more times to stretch. I finished the bike with a usual time of 7:14:01.

Again I had the area to myself so I sat to change shoes and get ready for the run. I was a little put off by my bike split and my stomach was not 100% but I thought I could have a strong run if I stayed focused. Removing sand from my feet was a challenge but it was important so avoid any irritation so I took the time to do that before I put my socks on. I stretched my back and drank more Gatorade before I left. I had a T2 time of 10:53.

Run

As I started my run I was greeted by just as many spectators as any other Ironman. Some had masks on, some didn’t. Some were dressed up, some played music. Everyone was encouraging and motivating. I started out so happy to be running. This course was an out and back two times along the highway parallel to the beach, passed all the hotels, bars and restaurants. The halfway turning point and the finish line were at Pier Park. For six miles I ran strong and thanked everyone for being out. A lot of people liked and commented on my race kit. It was great. But soon I knew I was going to have to do the run/walk, even as the sun went down and it started to cool off. I was unable to eat anything solid for the majority of the run. The thought of trying made me dry heave. I saw a few people really heaving in the bushes and was afraid I was going to join them. I took in as much fluid as I could, mainly water and Coke. I was sweating out a lot of salt, my neck and face were all gritty. I thought at first maybe it was sand but why would there be sand on my face, right? Out and back, out and back, using whatever I could in my brain to keep moving. I followed the cones they used to mark off the run area. Walk one cone, run five cones. My quads were shredded. I thought of my Mom and my Family. I thought of work and how I wanted to make everyone proud. I thought of the finish line and finally, FINALLY it was my turn to cross. My run took 6:25:20. Mike Reilly called me an Ironman with an official time of 15:27:52.

After crossing the spectator-less finish line I was given a mask and a masked volunteer guided me along, not touching me, to a table with plastic bags containing my finisher shirt and race medal. Someone with gloves and a mask removed my timing chip. I made my way over to Athlete Food and choked down half a veggie sub. I got my picture taken with my medal. (There were photographers out on the course too.) I had completed my 10th Ironman.

As I gathered my gear and dropped my bike back at the TriBike tent, Chris Nikic became an Ironman. I cheered from the parking lot. I started to walk back with the plan of getting passed the road closures to an area where I could call an Uber to get back to my hotel. But I started walking with a man named Dan who had volunteered in a kayak for the swim and at the finish line as well. He had just as long of a day as I had but when he heard of my plan to get back he ran into his hotel, got his keys and drove me to my hotel. And that really, really describes the Ironman atmosphere and Family to me. We all help each other, we all do what we can to get each other through the challenge. I am so grateful I found this sport, these events and have met some of the most amazing people.

I hope this write up helps someone with their goal, be it an Ironman or a first sprint triathlon, or a marathon or whatever. Please feel free to contact me with any questions if I missed something you wanted to know about.

Thank you to everyone for the well wishes, encouragement and congratulations. Thank you to Ironman and the Volunteers for having this race during one of the most hectic times in our lives.

Thank you for reading.

Kristen

[email protected]

Instagram - @zenkatki

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emlydunstan · 6 years

Text

An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety

What does it mean to have an “empowered process of growth” in sobriety? What does it mean to be empowered anyway?

To me, addiction and alcoholism recovery are all about personal growth.

If people are stagnant in recovery and they really are not making any progress then they are definitely in danger of becoming complacent to the point of relapse.

On the other hand, people who are actively pursuing learning, growth, and positive change are definitely in a position to be able to defend their sobriety.

I once heard addiction recovery described as being a “moat of protection,” such as what surrounds a castle. The moat in recovery is your level of personal growth. For every personal growth project you enlist in your life you are building another layer of protection against relapse, or another “moat” if you will.

So the recovering alcoholic who quits smoking cigarettes–that person has effectively build another layer of protection (or so the theory goes). Why? Because they would sooner go back to smoking cigarettes than they would relapse on serious drugs or alcohol. By giving up cigarettes they built in a new layer of protection.

The recovering alcoholic who starts exercising on a regular basis and has intense physical workouts has built in a new layer of relapse protection. Why? Because they get a physical “buzz” from each and every intense workout that they engage in, which helps them to avoid a real relapse on their drug of choice.

So in my opinion, this is how you live in an empowered way in addiction recovery: You find the personal growth projects that enhance your life, contribute to good health, and that help protect you from relapse. Living in an empowered way helps you to build more of these “moats” around your sobriety, to help insulate you from the threat of relapse.

So the real question is, especially for the newcomer to addiction recovery, would be: “How exactly do I get to this empowered state of recovery? How do I go from being a struggling addict seeking recovery to someone who is successfully living the program?”

The most basic and fundamental answer to this question is that you have to surrender.

But you tell that to people and they look at you like you are crazy. What does it mean to surrender? How does a person actually do this?

So let’s dig a bit deeper.

Surrender is a state of being in which the addict or alcoholic has finally had enough misery in their life and they are ready to give up.

Give up what, you ask? Everything. They are ready to throw in the towel in just about any and every way. They are almost completely without hope any more, and they are completely baffled as to how to live a successful life any more. They thought that they could drink or drug their way to happiness, and that has failed for them. And they are finally willing to admit that it just might not be everyone else’s fault, as they have been contending all along, but it might actually be the drugs or the booze that is responsible.

Real surrender means that you are ready to listen, to really listen this time. To listen and do what you are told. That is what real surrender looks like.

I am not sure if you can choose to surrender on a whim, or if it has to be earned with your own blood and tears. I suspect that it is only through the latter that this is possible. Surrender happens when you have finally had enough.

At that point you start to listen and learn, you ask for help, you are willing to take direction. You are willing to go to rehab. You are willing to attend meetings. You are willing to get a sponsor and read recovery literature. You are willing to do it all, to embrace it all, to follow any directive.

When I was stuck in denial and drinking booze every day, I thought that going to rehab and AA would turn me into a robot. I thought that following advice and directions from other people would enslave me and make me miserable.

But then I finally reached a point of surrender in which I was so desperate that I became willing to try it anyway. I was willing to go to rehab, to go to AA, to listen to the advice and actually follow it.

And so I started doing those things. I got a sponsor and I did what he told me to do. I got a therapist and I got honest with that person. I started following suggestions and then taking a step back to watch what happened in my life.

This was empowering. What I thought would enslave me was actually the very thing which empowered me.

Following directions and advice in AA and rehab is what gave me total freedom back. Suddenly I was clean and sober and I had choices and options. Suddenly I had companies that wanted to employ me. Suddenly I had schools that wanted to educate me. Suddenly I had friends and relatives that wanted to exercise with me. Suddenly I had peers and friends who wanted to hang out with me and have good clean fun.

Suddenly I had a life again.

And it was through no great insight of my own, no brilliant plan of my own making. Instead, I had simply followed directions. I had asked for help, went to rehab, and followed directions.

That was the big secret. I had no special knowledge. I had no tricks up my sleeve. I was just going to AA meetings and going to rehab and doing what they told me to do. And my life kept getting better and better.

And at some point I could look back and realize that I had accumulated an enormous amount of power in my life. Not the kind of power that I could abuse or be tyrannical with, but the kind of power that gave me peace, options, and the ability to reach out and help others. My life had been completely transformed because I had been willing to follow directions in the beginning.

At one point in my recovery journey I realized that I could pretty much tackle any given goal that I wanted in life and achieve it, so long as I was willing to focus on that goal and put all of my energy and effort into it.

This was a profound realization and I did a lot with it: I finished a college degree, I successfully ran a marathon, I started a successful side business, and so on. And this was all due to the fact that I had been willing, at one point, to dumb it way down for myself and just do what I was told, to just follow some directions. And in doing so it opened up a whole world of potential growth and exciting opportunity for me.

My suggestion to you is to do the same: Find a mentor in recovery, be it a sponsor or a therapist or someone else, and start following direction from that person. Take their advice and really apply it. In doing so you will empower yourself to a degree that you never suspected was possible while simply following directions. Good luck!

The post An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

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bobbiejwray · 6 years

Text

An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety

What does it mean to have an “empowered process of growth” in sobriety? What does it mean to be empowered anyway?

To me, addiction and alcoholism recovery are all about personal growth.

If people are stagnant in recovery and they really are not making any progress then they are definitely in danger of becoming complacent to the point of relapse.

On the other hand, people who are actively pursuing learning, growth, and positive change are definitely in a position to be able to defend their sobriety.

The most basic and fundamental answer to this question is that you have to surrender.

But you tell that to people and they look at you like you are crazy. What does it mean to surrender? How does a person actually do this?

So let’s dig a bit deeper.

Surrender is a state of being in which the addict or alcoholic has finally had enough misery in their life and they are ready to give up.

Real surrender means that you are ready to listen, to really listen this time. To listen and do what you are told. That is what real surrender looks like.

This was empowering. What I thought would enslave me was actually the very thing which empowered me.

Suddenly I had a life again.

And it was through no great insight of my own, no brilliant plan of my own making. Instead, I had simply followed directions. I had asked for help, went to rehab, and followed directions.

The post An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241842 http://ift.tt/2mKf4nt

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alexdmorgan30 · 6 years

Text

An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety

What does it mean to have an “empowered process of growth” in sobriety? What does it mean to be empowered anyway?

To me, addiction and alcoholism recovery are all about personal growth.

If people are stagnant in recovery and they really are not making any progress then they are definitely in danger of becoming complacent to the point of relapse.

On the other hand, people who are actively pursuing learning, growth, and positive change are definitely in a position to be able to defend their sobriety.

The most basic and fundamental answer to this question is that you have to surrender.

But you tell that to people and they look at you like you are crazy. What does it mean to surrender? How does a person actually do this?

So let’s dig a bit deeper.

Surrender is a state of being in which the addict or alcoholic has finally had enough misery in their life and they are ready to give up.

Real surrender means that you are ready to listen, to really listen this time. To listen and do what you are told. That is what real surrender looks like.

This was empowering. What I thought would enslave me was actually the very thing which empowered me.

Suddenly I had a life again.

And it was through no great insight of my own, no brilliant plan of my own making. Instead, I had simply followed directions. I had asked for help, went to rehab, and followed directions.

The post An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 http://ift.tt/2mKf4nt

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violetsgallant · 6 years

Text

An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety

What does it mean to have an “empowered process of growth” in sobriety? What does it mean to be empowered anyway?

To me, addiction and alcoholism recovery are all about personal growth.

If people are stagnant in recovery and they really are not making any progress then they are definitely in danger of becoming complacent to the point of relapse.

On the other hand, people who are actively pursuing learning, growth, and positive change are definitely in a position to be able to defend their sobriety.

The most basic and fundamental answer to this question is that you have to surrender.

But you tell that to people and they look at you like you are crazy. What does it mean to surrender? How does a person actually do this?

So let’s dig a bit deeper.

Surrender is a state of being in which the addict or alcoholic has finally had enough misery in their life and they are ready to give up.

Real surrender means that you are ready to listen, to really listen this time. To listen and do what you are told. That is what real surrender looks like.

This was empowering. What I thought would enslave me was actually the very thing which empowered me.

Suddenly I had a life again.

And it was through no great insight of my own, no brilliant plan of my own making. Instead, I had simply followed directions. I had asked for help, went to rehab, and followed directions.

The post An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241844 http://ift.tt/2mKf4nt

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weepingfanchild · 7 years

Text

II: The Veins of The City

"Hey get up," he said to the man sleeping face down on his couch, with one arm hanging down clutching his gold-cased handphone.

"Who're you?" replied the man in a mumble.

"Kim Namjoon," he said as he dragged the man to sit upright to face him, "the only guy who'll let you drool on his expensive couch without punching you in the face."

Namjoon was staring at the guy, waiting for a response. He expected some kind of reaction from the younger fellow but was surprised by the lack of emotion and indifference that the boy showed.

"Where's my phone," he said looking him dead in the eyes in a monotone voice.

He looked around for his phone which he managed to retrieve from Namjoon's carpeted flooring. His phone was quite larger than the average handphone size but it looked like a toy in his large hand. It only took two seconds of scrolling through his messages to earn a sigh from him. He dropped his phone back down to the floor nonchalantly, and turned his attention back to the man in front of him. Namjoon looked at him with an expecting gaze as if the other guy was his child that was about to utter his first word.

"Tae," he started,

"What? "

"Can you tell me what happened now?"

The younger sighed, rolled his eyes, then laid back down. "I'm hungry," he then said.

"Let's go out for breakfast, maybe you could tell me then?" Namjoon offered.

"Looking like this?" he said, gesturing to the shirt he was wearing. "I look like crap."

"Then go home and change. Let's just go for brunch. Call Jimin out too. I might need another sane being to squeeze out something from you." Namjoon convinced him.

The man let out an amused chuckle at what was said to him. "I won't be so sure about calling Jimin 'sane'," he got up and picked up his phone.

"He's just as bad as the rest of us."

Namjoon watched as the guy picked up his coat that was now dry and eligible to wear unlike the state that it was in last night. The custom piece of clothing did it's job as it hugged the guy's torso perfectly. The coat from this season's latest release that was altered to fit him, hung on his body over the white shirt that Namjoon lent him like it was meant to be that way. Last night, Namjoon thought about how each person had a way with them, how they move. This morning he thought about how this man that came to him last night looking like he was completely submerged in water just earlier, had a way with him. The way he moved reminded Namjoon of a shadow, light and swift and thin. But unlike a shadow, he wasn't quiet with his ways. He was loud and chaotic and he could turn everything inside out if he wanted to. He looked like he had nothing going on in his mind, like he payed no care to the world. But in reality, in his mind was complete anarchy.

Namjoon watched as the man approached the door while on the phone with his chauffeur. He turned to Namjoon and gave a gesture that said 'goodbye' then proceeded to leave the penthouse.

•••

Namjoon could've enjoyed this kind of weather in the morning if he wasn't hungover. The sun that wasn't blocked out by the umbrella that hovered above their table on the terrace of the restaurant was hitting his face from where he was sat. He could move to another seat, but he liked this one that provided him with a view of the streets below. Besides, he liked the sun that's why his skin had a little bit more gold in it than the friend that just arrived.

He sat opposite to Namjoon who thought about the way with this friend. Park Jimin had a way with him that was just hard to explain. He was smooth but then he was rough. By his looks he was light, but his eyes pull you into darkness. Namjoon thought he resembled the roses that were surrounding them this morning. You could love roses for they are beautiful just be careful not to get pricked because like they say; "Every rose has its thorn". If you love roses and try to pick them expect a few pricks from it. Jimin was a rose that pricks itself, if it means the one who wants him doesn't get hurt.

"What happened to you? You look terrible," Jimin said.

"Do I?"

"Did you drink last night?" he asked with a subtle smile.

"What's with you?" Mon countered, stifling an amused laugh, "You're asking the question but it seems like you already know the answer."

"Someone saw you at The Penn last night," he said as he looked Namjoon in the eyes, "she said you were downing drinks like alcohol was water and you just ran a marathon."

"Is 'she' one of your playmates Jimin?" said Taehyung, suddenly joining their conversation while sitting down on another steel framed chair. "or is she one of yours? " he turned to Namjoon who just chuckled at the accusation suddenly thrown at him.

"It was Hayi," Jimin confirmed.

"Hayi? What was she doing there?" asked Namjoon.

"She was on her way home from The Cat House," said Jimin.

"Man I haven't been there since last week," Taehyung now chimed in, "my dad's been breathing down my neck these days. I can't even leave the city."

Jimin let out a small laugh, something like a giggle earning him an questioning look from the other two. "뭐?" (what?) asked Taehyung.

"Its nothing," Jimin answered shifting in his seat to face Taehyung more directly, "Its just that somebody told me that they saw you in a helicopter last night, just hovering above one spot for like two hours." He informed Taehyung.

"I was wondering why you did that and what you were doing up there," he added, "I figured that you might just be showing off, but now that I heard what you said about your dad eyeing you..." He trailed off while leaning forward with a mocking smile on his face aimed at Taehyung.

"김 태형씨," Jimin started, (Mr. Kim Taehyung,)

"Were you throwing a hissy fit up there?" he finished.

Taehyung just rolled his eyes at the teasing from the blond fellow. He was used to this kind of behavior from Jimin, he was used to him testing his patience. But Taehyung was unbothered this time. He just sank in his seat relaxing himself a little more. "That little birdie seems to have left out a little detail," started Taehyung.

"I was definitely throwing something. But it wasn't a hissy fit, I can assure you." he shot Jimin a lift of an eyebrow while catching his tongue between his teeth preventing his from grinning.

Jimin looked puzzled and perhaps a little scared of what his best friend might blurt out next. He then raised both of his brows at Taehyung, gesturing him to go on.

"I was throwing cash."

Those words would be shocking if it didn't come from Taehyung. This kind of revelation from him was nothing out of the ordinary. After all, he was the son of the city. He bleeds money and admiration from the people. The cash he was throwing out was probably only equivalent to a paper cut bleeding. Yet it still earned him a choke on water from his Mon hyung.

"He seemed to have forgotten to tell you such an important detail," he continued, "Maybe he caught a stack too? "

"Wait," said Namjoon, suddenly remembering something, "if you were up in the air last night, why did you show up at The Pearl like you jumped in a pool? "

"Because I did jump in a pool." Taehyung said nonchalantly. He said it as if everyone does it everyday. With every detail of his whereabouts last night he was beginning to seem like a crazy person. But everyone who knew him enough knows that he's not crazy, he's just real sad.

"Why did you do that?" questioned Namjoon.

"Why don't we ask Jimin, he seems to know everything." said Taehyung with a slightly teasing smile towards Jimin who replied with a laugh.

"It's not that I find out about these things myself," Jimin explained, "people tell me on their own. That's what you get when you're nice to people Taehyung."

"I wonder how it feels to be au courant with the lastest gossip," Taehyung teased.

"It feels nice," answered Jimin.

Silence was all that was heard the following second. They ate their way through the morning not hearing the answer that they asked for. Jimin and Namjoon knew better than push on the topic more, Taehyung would tell them himself later on. If the evening news doesn't beat him to it.

•••

He stared at the caller ID as if the name was going to call itself. He wondered what was wrong with him. Did he need to borrow some courage from the vodka on the trolley that was screaming his name? No. He told himself.

He needed to be alone with himself once again for the first time in a long time. He pressed on the name.

전화 거는 중 몬 형 (Dialing Mon hyung)

"Did you know why I jumped in the pool?" Taehyung said into the line not waiting for a greeting from Namjoon.

"Why did you jump in the pool?"

"I hoped that I would wake up."

"Wake up from what?"

"I wished everything was just a dream. I want it to be a dream."

Taehyung knew that the childlike confession caught Namjoon off guard. He hasn't been like this for a long time.

"I want everything to be like when we were all together. Why can't we go back?"

Silence was all Taehyung heard from the other line. His hyung was thinking again, what was he expecting?

"생각하지마 형." he begged. ("Don't think hyung.")

"What do you want me to do then? What do you want me to say?"

Like Mon with his confession, he was caught off guard this time. He hasn't really thought about what he'll get from this. He wanted some kind of satisfaction but he didn't think about how he would get it.

"What do you want Taehyung?"

He wanted to tell him some thing else.

"솔직히 말해봐." ("Tell me honestly.")

"I want him back hyung. I want to see him again."

"Don't do this to yourself Taehyung. Get some sleep."

통화 종료뒴. (call ended)

°°° Bills were dropping out from his hands and down to the city like the first snow. The people below must be going crazy.

The city looked kinda nice from Taehyung's view.

A few feet above the ground, hovering above everything and everyone. He felt proud knowing that he had this city in the palms of his hands. He looked down at the view and thought about how the illuminated highways reminded him of veins.

The veins of this city that will bleed at the slash of his sharp tongue. How pathetic.

He smiled to himself and clenched his fists. He looked down at his white knuckles and his smile faded.

These hands do nothing but everything wrong. These hands do nothing but drag people down.

He was nowhere near proud of who he was and the state that he was in right now. He thought everybody in this city was pathetic for they'd strip down and run across the street for a few bills to spend. He knew that it wasn't the situation that they wanted but it was still pathetic to him.

He thought about no matter how low those people might go they'll never be as pathetic as him. Thinking everyone was below him so that he could feel lifted but when he slips he hangs on to somebody so that he won't go down alone. He knew that that's who he was. That was the kind of person that he made himself to be.

"I'll always be here for you to call." Taehyung could still hear his hyung's words. That's what he always told Taehyung and it was true. Until wasn't anymore.

"I need you now hyung," he said to himself but more to his absent friend, "근대 너 어디야?" ("but where are you?")

He stared at his reflection as if it'll talk back and answer his question. It didn't. But even if it did answer, it won't give him the answer that he was looking for and wanted to hear. The answers were with his friend, now somewhere else and could not be reached. Taehyung thought it was time to get back down to Earth.

"Let's go down now," he said to the man in control of his father's helicopter.

The feeling of descending wasn't all that new to him, considering the fact that he dips lower everyday.

°°°

Empty.

That was what this large house was. The Mayor's house was filled with antique furniture, marble flooring, with big and bright crystal chandeliers and the house help always wandering around waiting for someone to need them. With all of the things in this house Taehyung still thinks of it as empty.

It felt cold and hollow.

In this house, he couldn't get enough peaceful sleep. He chose not to sleep anyways, he sees him in his dreams. In fact to Taehyung everything is in a dream. Or a nightmare.

And he wishes to wake up.

Taehyung wanted to wake up.

It's been years since he fell asleep, and it's also been years since his nightmare began. He wanted to wake up.

The next thing thing Taehyung knew, he was looking up at the sky that was completely deprived of stars, with half of his body submerged in cold pool water.

"Jin hyung!" Taehyung screamed into the night, "please wake me up hyung."

#bts-fic #bts #bts-rapmonster #namjoon #bts-jin #seokjin #bts - suga #yoongi #bts - jhope #hoseok #bts - jimin #jimin #bts-v #taehyung #bts - jungkook #jungkook #Who Are You Looking For?

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emlydunstan · 6 years

Text

An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety

What does it mean to have an “empowered process of growth” in sobriety? What does it mean to be empowered anyway?

To me, addiction and alcoholism recovery are all about personal growth.

If people are stagnant in recovery and they really are not making any progress then they are definitely in danger of becoming complacent to the point of relapse.

On the other hand, people who are actively pursuing learning, growth, and positive change are definitely in a position to be able to defend their sobriety.

The most basic and fundamental answer to this question is that you have to surrender.

But you tell that to people and they look at you like you are crazy. What does it mean to surrender? How does a person actually do this?

So let’s dig a bit deeper.

Surrender is a state of being in which the addict or alcoholic has finally had enough misery in their life and they are ready to give up.

Real surrender means that you are ready to listen, to really listen this time. To listen and do what you are told. That is what real surrender looks like.

This was empowering. What I thought would enslave me was actually the very thing which empowered me.

Suddenly I had a life again.

And it was through no great insight of my own, no brilliant plan of my own making. Instead, I had simply followed directions. I had asked for help, went to rehab, and followed directions.

The post An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety appeared first on Spiritual River Addiction Help.

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alexdmorgan30 · 6 years

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An Empowered Process of Growth in Sobriety

What does it mean to have an “empowered process of growth” in sobriety? What does it mean to be empowered anyway?

To me, addiction and alcoholism recovery are all about personal growth.

If people are stagnant in recovery and they really are not making any progress then they are definitely in danger of becoming complacent to the point of relapse.

On the other hand, people who are actively pursuing learning, growth, and positive change are definitely in a position to be able to defend their sobriety.

The most basic and fundamental answer to this question is that you have to surrender.

But you tell that to people and they look at you like you are crazy. What does it mean to surrender? How does a person actually do this?

So let’s dig a bit deeper.

Surrender is a state of being in which the addict or alcoholic has finally had enough misery in their life and they are ready to give up.

Real surrender means that you are ready to listen, to really listen this time. To listen and do what you are told. That is what real surrender looks like.

This was empowering. What I thought would enslave me was actually the very thing which empowered me.

Suddenly I had a life again.

And it was through no great insight of my own, no brilliant plan of my own making. Instead, I had simply followed directions. I had asked for help, went to rehab, and followed directions.

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