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#but this one. actually. isnt very comfortable ?
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Ok, but like I feel like I've never dove in how Jason was probably the youngest in the legion. Probably for a very, very long time. And imagine how it felt to watch as kids played in new Rome, and eventually joined you. And you could never join them as they played in new rome. Imagine all of the kids you know are older than you, and you can't make friends. Imagine having to lead quests of people way older than you that resent you for it because of your parentage. Imagine how happy he was when people his age finally started joining, and I wishing he could he them? Imagine basically being raised by a bunch of teenagers, many of whom dislike you? Would love to hear ur thoughts
honestly, i imagine all of the older members of the legion whispering behind Jason's back about how easy he has it in camp jupiter bc of his dad, about how he isnt "qualified" enough to lead missions, and how he has everything "handed" to him. i feel like he had a LOT to prove and only when his missions started getting successful, people actually accept that he is capable, but even then envious members of the cohort would say that he got lucky or only succeeded bc of jupiter's blessings or smth. could you imagine a baby jason going to the older members of the legion for advice and they just coolly shrug him off? i feel like in a realistic standpoint, they arent outright mean to him bc they are terrified of jupiter's anger but they arent friendly either.
They just let him sit in a corner. i feel like at some point, even when people his age start coming in, he still wouldnt feel loved, because they all would think jason is too scary or intimidating and would avoid him out of fear, also bc he doesnt understand their jokes bc he was brought up too serious. so he would be an outcast. he would be an outcast but not necessarily in a bad way, but like "he's too good for us" type of way which actually hurts jason way more. like when he comes in they all would give him a small bow or something and it gets on his NERVES.
overall i feel like there is too much jealousy surrounding him for him to have any comfortable conversation with people, especially because he is their "leader" even if he was a praetor very late, people still subconsciously saw him as one, even the old praetors consulted him before they came to a decision.
i feel like the moment people even remotely saw him as a human with feelings is when he joined the least reputed legion simply to popularize it. i feel like that was HIS moment where ppl were like "yep this guy is actually a living person with empathy!" but it reverted back to ppl seeing him as an unapproachable artifact
which is why im so upset that frank and hazel didnt have a closer relationship with him, i mean we did see jason and frank talking together on the deck of argo 2 after jason transferred his praetorship to frank, probably filling him in his position, but i wish their relationship ascended beyond just a mentor and his apprentice. because that concept with jason's character gets so old. literally everyone saw him as an advisor and leader that they could learn from, but who really saw something beyond that about him? only leo, nico, reyna, piper and percy tbh.
and in the end, reyna had a subtle fallout with him so they didnt talk, piper broke up with him so they were awkward and tense, leo "died" and never saw him again, the last time nico saw jason was probably during the strawberry field scene when nico told him he's staying at camp, and jason got too busy with his temple project to see anyone else. he was working to keep his promise till the very end, just like a true roman. honestly thanks to you i might actually expand on this in a separate post and tag you in it :)
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The situation
TW: This is talking about all the Jack drama, Sh, SA, everything involved in this coversation
I wanna start this by saying that I have very limited knowledge on how the situation actually went down outside of a close friend who was involved and the posts on the situation.
If you are unaware of the situation, I suggest you look at other peoples post who have more knowledge on it, I recommend @unhinged-waterlilly or @if-chaos-was-a-boy's posts. I'm pretty sure @daonedaonlyskh also made a post, but I got my knowledge from the other two posts.
I don't feel I have enough knowledge to talk, or share my opinion. I'm making this post for entirely different reasons.
First thing; I do not hate Jack.
I have never hated Jack, and this situation does not make me hate him.
Yes, I am upset at the situation and his actions in handling, but that doesn't mean I hate him.
Next, I have recently realised that SA is a trigger subject for me thanks to this situation and other things I've realised in my private life. I am not saying this for sympathy or pity, if that's how it's coming across, I am saying this because I wish to not be tagged in anymore posts about this subject. I blocked Jack for a reason.
As someone who has been affected by this situation, I am sorry that other people have also been affected by it, or if they felt like they had to share a part of themselves they weren't ready to share.
I hope for everyone's sake (including Jack's) that we are all okay, or will be okay.
Last few things, and then I won't talk about the situation outside this post:
This situation shouldn't have gotten this far. It shouldn't happened, but it did. It should've stopped after people pointed out the situation to Jack. His apology should've been written by him (not hate at Calix. You did what you thought was right at the time) and it definitely should've stopped after yesterday's statements.
My OC's are no longer associated with Jack. This might change in the future, but I do not feel comfortable associating with him as of this moment
Please, let us move on from this situation. I am tired, and this is being dragged out at this point. Remember the difference being making an educational post and a non educational one.
I hope everyone who read this has a good day, and I suggest we all go touch some grass.
@arisdaughter @childofthewargod @dianedantedominic @kaiaalwayswins @theorphicforest
@that-girl-cupid @delilah-isnt-dead-yett @daonedaonlyskh @hispanic-child-of-hermes
@aria-pane @wine-cooper @i-am-persephones-daughter @unhinged-waterlilly
@seed-of-the-pomegranate @istglevi-gotmesimping
@if-chaos-was-a-boy @ariathemortal @i-was-never-sane @gaygirldoodles @superbstarlightsheep
If you want to be added, removed or if I forgot to tag you, let me know :)
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daily-hanamura · 11 months
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piplupod · 3 months
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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
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faerociousbeast · 1 year
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happy pride! while this may sound like "dont police other peoples fun" or "its not harming anyone" or anything along those lines, reminder to please keep an eye out for how you treat poc in the community <3
while it might be "discourse" or "ruining the mood" to you to have to be a little bit more mindful of the way you act, being the victim of casual racism i guarantee is much worse !
we are also a part of this community and we deserve to feel welcomed here. listen to our voices and don't use your lgbtq labels as an excuse to hurt other marginialized people, some of whom are also in your very community. awesome! thanks
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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🌷🕸️
#i've been thinking about this quite a lot on and off for a while#but to try to process it more i just wanna try to vent:#my sexuality is very messy. even inside my head. so scary. so complicated...?? so just thoughts of it are scary#and like there has only ever been one person who like just thinking about sex with has felt like good#not scary or terrifying. not with all of my avpd symptoms woven in (like one is that idk if i could ever have sex w someone#like actually be with them and be able to look them in the eyes and then also keep talking to them afterwards and not just run away and#never see them again. that's just one thing and this isnt abt that so anyway#like yeah just thinking about sex w him feel ok. safe and comfortable. and enjoyable and like i can and want it#which is smth like... with my other crushes before i've fantasized abt having sex w them but it felt bad and scary ://#and like i didnt actually want sex w them...#and with this person that isnt there. it's scary in a way since like im not experienced at all and idk how it feels irl 💀#but not in the way i usually feel abt it!!!!#so this just in my head#plus the fact that like talking and expressing some of my thoughts TO him ... felt good and safe and comfortable#is actually such a gift from him.... and i'll always treasure this (one of many things haha ^^)#bc he made me experience this and that i can feel good and ok and safe about it#i do feel sad that when this was current i was so cautious and shy bc it was so new to me#i was feeling smth real and genuine emotionally w him and i wasnt just saying stuff ... if that makes sense lmao#hmmm... yeah i've never felt good abt it before that w him. so it was so so new. and i couldnt quite get used to it fast#now im getting messy in my thoughts again sksksk#i just feel like this meant so much to me to just have had it#and idk im just so happy to know that these feelings are possible for me .. and i feel thankful for him that he gave me this not so little#thing/feeling/experience#now... the thing is... he is the only one i've felt all of the things with. like attraction/safe/comfortable/taken seriously etc etc.... so#umm what do i do now? 💀#ig either way im glad i know that this exists for me and that im not incapable of it. even if my avpd makes me feel that way#ok.. skurr skurr?#but yeah sexuality is so fkn scary for me idk it just gets too much i wanna cry T-T
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seariii · 7 months
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Thinking about how in emotional stuff intp self has actually been popping out more often, even before... Questioning if that's good or bad... Maybe means I'm emotionally exhausted?
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arolesbianism · 3 days
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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g0thsoojin · 1 month
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📓🦇
#honestlyyyu#life without him is so boring....#idk... just imagining my life without him makes me feel bored lol#i want to be with him i think ...#but it is difficult bc we live on two different continents#and relationships between nations are difficult bc you're not allowed to just move anywhere lol#idk how it could work#plus ... also he's 20+ years older than me.. to me it isnt an issue more than#1) he wont live as long as me (if we both die of old age that is lol)#2) everyone are very judgemental and even if both of us mainly want to just have us and not any social circles#it will be hard.. and how am i supposed to tell my mom....?#the thing with that is hard because of my avpd.. im not normal#i never will be. even if i like met a guy my age now in school and we started dating i wouldnt want to tell me my mom#i cant explain how i feel to normal ppl but yeah... im just someone who wants to live isolated to myself#i dont want to be like yeah hi mom heres my bf who i fuck and love and now lets go for family dinner woooop#idk ... i could never. i just cannot do that normal life.#so then its like.. it isnt purely bc im 'ashamed' of him and the age gap#im just someone who feels shame about everything.... so i wouldnt wanna tell my mom anyway#but then it feels like im 'betraying' her. if i move away to another country to be happy on my own#and she wont even ever get to meet my bf or hear abt him... i'll get married (bc of convenience) and she wont know#that feels bad.. like im hurting her. but i know in my heart that even if i met a bf my own age here#i would NEVER want a wedding. my avpd.. im not a normal functioning person.. i'd want just me and the other person there. not infront of my#family... idk i just cant do normal life things..#maybe sometimes i dream abt having a few friends and being cared for. but that is a DREAM#theres no way of knowing if i'd ever find ppl like that. im also very different and cant connect to basically anyone i meet fkn EVER!!!!!#he's the only one i've ever met that im this compatible with.. and he is real. and i know him. should i let go of him just for ppl i havent#even met? who i might never even meet? bc yeah the thing is that with him we wouldnt have a conventional life. it'd be just us#and thats not really a bad thing. its just that w my avpd i never know what i really want bc i want smth but when it gets real#and i can actually have it suddenly i dont anymore. and i want the other thing i didnt want before...#so i have sm fears.. what if i choose him but then will never get that comfortable job in a cozy school and my own apartment
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toytulini · 3 months
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i dont want to give in to Modern Shapewear but i really hate when im trying to have a Fun Outfit and theres fucking Distinct Lines from various under wear bands (bra, undies, maybe a pair of tights?) all at separate points? that are impossible to hide bc the outer wear is fucking form fitting spandex
#toy txt post#if it were easier to make bespoke structured underclothing to create a smoother silhouette. god. i would. but thats so much more investment#in time and money and materials and hours to probably fuck it up at least the first coupke times vs just buying a fucking tummy control#camisole or some shit. but i cannot fucking stand the marketing around it. i dont want to put money to that. im not trying to Look Thinner#im trying to achieve a specific smoother silhouette w my clothing to look like a little clown and vintage silhouettes#rely so often on structured underclothing that the closest analogue to today is: fucking shapewear! unless i go out and get an actual#corset. but those tend to be more expensive. and im not aiming necessarily for the classic corset look i feel like a lot of the ones for#sale offer which seems to be very......booby. but the flatter more smoothing silhouette that was consistent between both menswear#and womenswear. the lengths it takes to be a nonbinary fucking clown. sighs deeply#also thinking again about the stupid fucking gold harley quinn jumpsuit i got like the movie that i Want to like and it Isnt Bad#but the material of the one in the movie is much thicker so its doesnt BEHAVE the same way as fucking form fitting spandex. and i know why#they did spandex. cos like. easier to sell cheaper to make fits a wider range etc. but i just want a fucking piece like that as an Actual#Garment of Clothing not a fucking spandex Halloween costume and couldnt find anything like it for less than $500. which is honestly#probably a reasonable price for labor and materials but not one i can justify? its just frustrating cos its So Close to good but the fuckin#Material just Ruins it for me and not even necessarily cos of like lack of shapewear lumpiness but like the way it drapes on the body the#way it stretches as spandex just looks Wrong. aaaaaaagaghgghghghggh#rage. anger. etc. need to learn how to sew my own shit at least a little. maybe a full length binder like 1 size up for comfort? scary#for context i also struggle with breathing from the lightest amount of Too Much Chest Compression. like sometimes bras will Get Me#so thats the other factor here. i dont know that this is necessarily looking for advice mostly im whining and complaining while doing#Nothing. ugh#also how much of this issue could be avoided if the form fitting spandex stuff had like. a lining. idk
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sainns · 3 months
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dryheaving rn i cant breathe whriutyeriufnkds WAEEEEEEEEEE i capital n Need him. im im im im yeah no thanks like guys Stopwhat if i die I NEED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry im crazy i love sunghoon so much guys hes so special to me and he always will be like he makes me laugh and smile and hes the most gorgeous man itw and when he smiles an angel is born and babies laugh and double rainbows form and the sun shines and birds sing and hes like a the marias song or a stephen sanchez song or a sabrina carpenter song specifically from eyes wide open more specifically best thing i got and i hope hes happy always and i hope the world explodes when hes sad
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hermitagereheadcanons · 5 months
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I feel like my tagging system is kind of lacking in terms of type of content, but I have a lot of trouble sorting things into subjective categories. Even just a vent or play regression tag feels difficult to decide, because a lot of my posts don’t have a distinct “this character regresses for fun” or “this character regresses to cope” theme.
I want it to be easier for people to both find and avoid specific types of headcanons but I’m not sure how to go about it. If anyone has tips, I’d love to hear them.
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
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Events of last night:
Me: *crying*
My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(
Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful
My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.
#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious#thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt#and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd#it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense#but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like#where as me and her obsess much more over morality#like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information#we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people#or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate#like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*)#they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers#theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person.#but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out#but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either#like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are#and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare#sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep.#sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done#sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me?#i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real#i guess what it kinda comes to do is#would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions#all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm#you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of#OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them.#trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world#your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen#theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed#your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for#instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed
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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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keingleichgewicht · 2 years
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Listen for the prophecy somewhere in the static Once you've saddled up your pony Burn down the paddock
kt, parties is for losers by ferry the mountain goats, "as many candles as possible"
#pafl#parties is for losers#edit tag#NO ONE GETS! TOO MUCH LIGHT!#no one actually gets a better deal! no one gets anything good out of this! it doesnt work like that no one here isnt hungry#and also like . kt is a character who is capable of Almost Too Much empathy. i think this is one of her tragedies#she considers other peoples points of view. she doesnt always have all the information! but she does consider it#and this means she understands yura on the very first glance and understanding yura is a deeply sad thing#and this means she can't even hold a serious grudge against dmitry for what he has been complicit in in the past#and evidently this means most terribly that in the end she even understands why she got put back in the cage (though we dont!)#'when the scars are shiny' for kt means back in a hospital bed and saying goodbye to any chance at ever being loved#and 'the risen beast' to be clear is dima (who has hurt her before) but its also yura (who has hurt her now)#and the pigs and the dawn and joy that might not be joy and that fucking smile that yura wears all the time#that kt tried to help him find a way out of and has in the end only succeeded at trapping him much further in#THIS IS ALSO SO SAD. kt understanding yura is so sad - its so tired - she helps him but there is this old jaded edge to the comfort#you get the distinct sense shes seen it all before#(and considering her upbringing she probably has!)#just another broken boy. and she is too kind not to do something. but shes already so very much too grown-up and too tired#we talk about yura having to grow up too fast - and GOD did he ever have to - but KT! BUT KT! kt is THIRTEEN!#SHES THIRTEEN. DUDE. SHES THIRTEEN
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electricpurrs · 1 year
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i keep having embarrassingly deeper-than-they-should feelings about caboose that im not sure what to do about, with how i feel like i relate in a pretty genuine and sweet way to him in an autistic level and i do feel like reading him that way makes real sense but im just incapable of feeling very good about it when its very very clear caboose's neurodivergent esque behavior is applied exclusively to make the butt of the joke off how stupid he is. i care about him a lot as a character but i mostly just wanna rip him off r-slur-loving rooster teeth's hands and handle him with a minimum level of respect
#i dunno i feel about bad about it like if i even acknowledge my reading of him it comes off badly when once again hes the dumb one#going off topic onto a tangent i think i just yearn for a fictional representation of autism that isnt just easy and palatable#like there are lots and lots of autistic and autistic coded and autistic read/head cannoned characters out there#but it feels like its always just. nice character whos very nerdy about a subject or is kinda weird or awkward at times#its always just this ''high functional'' kind of autism where the proof theyre autistic are a few traits here and there#there just arent characters who stutter and mumble and get lost with words and sound weird and have weird voices#and say genuinely weird things in genuinely inappropriate times. who genuinely come off as weird or dumb or childish#who struggle with simple things or dont get concepts or instructions or things said at them#autism that isnt quirky or always fun or always endearing or easy to deal with or easy to dismiss#i cant think of a single character in media who i relate with in an autistic level in how my autism actually feels beyond the superficial#and i think thats why i get a genuine comfort in caboose of all things#in how unapologetically and undeniably weird and kinda dumb and kinda childish he comes off#and it isnt always nice and it annoys and troubles the people around him and of course himself beyond a way he can control#i get touched by the moments here and there when people actually treat him well#when tucker takes some time to gently explain to him that church isnt coming back.#and when hes given a sincerely emotional moment to say goodbye to church and well as that one episode of season 14#or generally when characters are nice to him or talk in ways he can understand better#i dunno i just really do like him#which i guess just backfires when it feels specially hurtful when hes called dumb and stupid and is hated and threatened#and condescend upon and treated as useless and incompetent and just a burden the others need to take care of#mannnnn i hate rooster teeth#🧃
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