#but try looking past your distaste for her and listen to her with empathy instead

[ghostlyauroras]

I have a lot to get off my chest. I see a lot of criticism for the way Taylor sings about mental health and that is valid, but comparing Taylor's experience with depression to D*mi Lov*to's with bpd only to illustrate how much more valid her experience was because she suffered publicly while invalidating Taylor's because she's good at putting up this peppy upbeat front to hide her pain so she couldn't possibly have a real mental illness is exactly WHY taylor has this negative mindset about it in the first place.

Mental illness is not a competition. It is experienced differently by different people.

Some celebrities are celebrated and lauded as brave for overcoming it, usually they already had an image of being tortured in some way (drugs, EDs, anger issues, etc) so when they come out and admit they're mentally ill it's almost like 'oh that explains everything, it all makes total sense now' and is met with sympathy.

Taylor knows, whether conscious or unconsciously, that she does not fit that description. She is either cold and calculated or too perfectly rich, blonde and skinny to have experienced real suffering.

So the album opens with this line: "i was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me" she was begging for help but nobody gave it the urgency it required because they thought she'd power through it. "I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic" she is admitting she has a problem with substance abuse but everyone thinks it's just her glamorous lifestyle. Later when she says "i took the miracle move on drug, the effects were temporary" lacking real treatment and therapy, she treated her depression getting a rebound relationship to run away from her pain.

Then in who's afraid of little old me right before the infamous asylum line she says "i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me" she is begging the world to take her pain seriously..

But how could she be taken seriously? She smiles even when she wants to die, she cries a lot but she is so productive, she is a real tough kid and she can handle her shit... except she can't, she just wants to be seen and understood! But she's been trained all her life (in the asylum where she was raised) to put down her pain and put on a show for the world, so who would believe her now when she says, actually i struggle with the same demons other famous people do?

So now she feels she has to exaggerate and catastrophize and even demonize her struggle to get across just how bad her depression was, because even when she says outright that she wanted to die everyone is rolling their eyes that she could feel that way about a shitty dude. So how else is she going to capture your attention? How can she make you really SEE her and her pain?

Also, as someone who also has struggled with depression since I was a teenager... it's fucking scary to realize you are actually mentally ill. All the stigma is there for a reason, historically some of the treatments have been the stuff of nightmares and conflated with the fatalistic world-view that is inherent to depression, you do feel like a monster, abnormal, broken, etc. and you are scared of how people will treat you for it and you are scared you cannot be fixed and it feels like the end of the world.

Mental illness warps your perception of the world. It's extremely hard to be objective, much less kind, to yourself and your struggle when you are in the thick of it.

So, imho, i don't feel like Taylor's choice of metaphors/language is perpetuating stigmatization of mental illness - it is a representation of the internalized stigma, of the self-hatred and helplessness and guilt and self-flagelation that come with mental illness but at the same time it's also a cry for help! She wants to make depression sound as terryfing as it feels for her so that you will SEE her and HELP her.

To put it simply: I just feel like you can't ask a depressed and even suicidal person to have a compassionate take on mental health - they need others to show them compassion so they can heal and be nice to themselves.

She is not a mental health professional, she is not here to teach us how to handle mental health, she is NOT a role model. She is just another depressed and suicidal person expressing her pain in hopes someone understands her. Be gentle with her.

Again, mental health is not a competition, different people experience it differently.

[mikareo]

hi!!! i love your account it’s so cute :) can i please request a matchup for jujutsu kaisen? im bisexual & use she/her pronouns <3

for my personality, id say im pretty bubbly and excitable. i’m an isfj & cancer, & i try to look on the bright side and try to listen to/help when they’re sad. im very affectionate with the people im close to, and i tend to cling onto my friends arms and hug them a lot. i love anything soft or cute, especially animals!! im kinda scared of bugs though, but i still always try to take them outside. i get distracted pretty easily, and have a hard time dealing with change. i tend to be a bit bossy and unreasonable when it comes to something i’m interested in. i also really like going for walks, shopping, yoga, baking (even though i’m dreadfully awful at it), and reading. i like complimenting strangers, and i try to see the best in everything & everyone! though i can’t really tolerate it if somebody is overly cruel or rude to the people i care about. i have a very “do no harm, take no shit” mentality :) my ideal date would probably be some kind of picnic or a walk in a park on a nice day, i like very aesthetic things ahsjsbsj

please & thank you! have a nice day <3

💌 ✮⋆˙ love letter to...rezqwr!

hi!! i rlly hope u like this character asjkl the pictures i used are so pretty like i'm in awe of them i love this chara sm :) have an amazing day and enjoy reading !!!

[ ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ ᰔ ] your personality matchup results!

congratulations . . .‧₊˚👒✩MAI ZENIN₊˚💐⊹♡

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ chemistry analysis . . .

while i was reading through your information, i was really torn between yuuji and mai. i feel like you and itadori would have a really good base for a relationship— but i decided it would ultimately be platonic, which lead me to pick mai. i think you two would have a lot to give each other, balance wise, and are, in my opinion, the most compatible out of the jujutsu kaisen characters.

mai has such a gentle soul that she hides behind her prickly personality. she doesn't want to show any types of weakness in case there are those who underestimate her, but with you, it's very different. you have open empathy and kindness, something she wishes she could publicly show, and she has so much admiration for how you carry yourself. whether you're comforting a friend or saving a bug from the corner of your kitchen, she's in utter awe with the natural beauty of your heart. as your relationship progresses, she hopes some of that goodness rubs off on her and gives her the courage to show her true self to her peers; which is something that only you can encourage her to do.

a seemingly unfortunate similarity between the two of you, is your resistance to change. while you're more headstrong and opinionated when you aren't happy with the direction a situation is going, mai is more of a pushover. she's too afraid to really say what she thinks and covers up her fear with aggression and insults. with you, however, she has someone who can speak up for her. while you encourage her to state her true feelings, she stands by your side and supports your remarks and occasional 'unreasonable' responses. you're both very aware of your distaste for change, but don't judge the other for it. rather than arguing, you listen to each other and figure out what's bothering both of you; leaning towards healthy conversations instead of toxic ones.

it's tough to get past mai's phony initial persona, but when you really get to know her, you find out that all she wants is to be like all the other girls in japan. she wants to go shopping. she wants to get her makeup done. she wants to laugh and smile with someone she loves without having to worry about curses and whatnot. with you as her companion, she now has the ability to go do these things and having someone to share those memories with. you make her feel like a normal person, and that's the most valuable thing in the world to her.

[bestie-enthusiast]

Chapter 4: Awkward Conversation and Lawyers

Hello!! This is the fourth chapter of my PTA! Dad! Zemo fic. This is the sixth installment of 11, and the previous chapters can be found under the hashtag pta dad zemo.

Fic Summary: After the untimely death of both his wife and father due to a bombing, Baron Helmut Zemo takes his son and immigrates to America. He does not expect to find a family nor a romantic partner, and he especially does not expect to find the ability to heal. To grieve.

And yet, here we are.

This is a story about connections, growing, healing and mourning the past while still appreciating the future and all it has to offer.

Chapter WC: 2040

Fic under cut!! Hope you enjoy!!

One Month Later

Zemo walked next to Sarah, chatting about nothing in particular. He had nothing to do today and was accompanying Sarah to her restaurant. He had been a few times before, but each time made an excuse to leave when the compassion and empathy Sarah clearly had became too much. He was always worried that he might become too attached to Sarah, start viewing her like the sister she practically was to him, that he would lose sight of the only thing that mattered, that being Carl.

But today the grief was especially strong, and he was not about to talk about mindless things with Oeznik. His butler was an old friend, but he was required to listen to Zemo and do what he says, Sarah wasn’t. It was comforting to have someone to call him out. He knew Sarah wanted to ask, but she was kind in the way she never pressed. Not on this, at least.

“Look, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but something clearly is, and I’m here if you need me okay?” Sarah suddenly said, and Zemo blinked at her.

“Thank you.” He replied thickly, and quickly cleared his throat. He briefly considered talking to Sarah about his wife, but he still was not yet prepared for that conversation. He blinked harshly when his eyes threatened to fill with tears and instead told Sarah about his most recent conversation with James.

“He’s so perfect,” Zemo waxed, biting back a grin at the way Sarah lit up. She loved teasing him over his cru- er liking of Carl’s teacher. “I mean honestly, have you seen him?”

Sarah laughed, and they both walked into the restaurant. Sarah was rushed off by an employee, and Zemo took his usual seat. He ordered a glass of water and handed a 100 dollar bill to the employee, telling her to keep it. She muttered something about rich people, and he felt his smile flicker, but kept it up regardless.

He reminded himself that some people didn’t like randomly being paid by rich assholes. He was an acquired taste. She returned with his glass of water, giving it to him and leaving without saying anything. As soon as she was out of sight, he let his smile drop. He briefly debated texting Dr. Raynor, but decided against it. They had only one session and a brief phone call to talk about session frequency and dates. He had an appointment tomorrow, he could manage until then.

Despite the fact that he thought he could manage, he texted Oeznik to pick up Carl from school, instead of him. As he was texting, someone came into the restaurant, and Zemo shrunk in on himself when he noticed it was Sam. The man had a clear distaste for him, and Zemo tried to avoid him whenever possible. Oeznik texted him an affirmative, and Zemo put his phone away. He purposefully made himself smaller in hopes that Sam would not spot him, but unfortunately he was rather unsuccessful. Sam had surveyed the room and spotted him in his semi-hidden corner table. Sam made his way towards him, and Zemo summoned all of his energy into looking like a baron, like he was supposed to. “Zemo. What are you doing here?” Sam asked, glaring daggers at him. Zemo wilted a little under the forceful glare. The harsh tone of voice made his already weak defences waver, and his smile tightened.

“I enjoy the atmosphere.” Zemo responded with a smirk, and Sam’s glare turned all the more powerful. It was the truth though, so he was at a bit of a loss as to what to say. Clearly Sam would dislike any answer he gave, so it didn’t particularly matter what he said.

“Really? A rich jerk like you?” Sam questioned incredulously, eyes sharp and words sharper. Zemo struggled to keep his composure. Normally he would be able to keep up with insults and banter of his own, but today he was consumed by thoughts of his wife. He had also been thinking about his father, which was a pain he had not even started to process. He was not having a good day, and was constantly a minute away from just breaking down. Sam’s harshness was making that go from a minute to seconds.

Zemo swallowed thickly, trying to come up with a response, but he did not trust himself not to start sobbing if he opened his mouth, so he settled for just nodding instead. Sam glared at him suspiciously, and took the seat across from him. Inside, Zemo was already breaking down, everything was on fire. But on the outside? He gave Sam a polite smile and held out his hand for a shake. Sam ignored him and pulled out his phone, so Zemo awkwardly retracted his hand and pulled out his phone too. They sat in silence, Sam playing some kind of mobile game and Zemo simply swiping back and forth on his phone screen to look busy.

After about ten minutes Zemo broke their stifling silence.

“So…” Zemo began, tucking his phone back into his pants pocket. “How are AJ and Cass doing?” Sam continued to silently glare at him, seemingly analyzing every movement that he made. Zemo swallowed and rubbed his hands together nervously.

“Fine.” Sam finally responded sharply. “How’s-” Sam paused, searching for the name.

“Carl.” Zemo supplied helpfully. “He is well.”

“Right. Yeah.” Sam said, looking as awkward as Zemo felt. Zemo gave him a tentative smile, which he didn’t return, in fact, he actively scowled at him, so Zemo schooled his face back into something more neutral.

And then Zemo’s phone rang. He pulled it out and immediately felt a severe amount of anxiety when he noticed it was from the school.

“Helmut Zemo, how can I help you?” He answered, shoving all his panic to the back of his mind. Ensuring Carl was safe was his first priority, he could panic later.

“Hello, Mr. Zemo. I am calling to inform you that Carl got into a fight during recess today. We believe that his arm may be broken. If you could come pick him up and take him to the emergency room that’d be great, thanks.” “Mein gott,” Zemo muttered to himself, “Yes of course. I’m on my way, I should arrive shortly.” He quickly hung up the phone and threw his coat on. He ignored Sam’s question of what's up and ran out the door. As he made the trek back towards the school, he called Oeznik. He told him to bring their most comfortable car that looked like it belonged to rich people. The stupid American supervisors let his child get hurt, he was not afraid to show off the power and wealth that he had. Oeznik pulled up to the school with the car just as he arrived, and he nodded to his butler to let him know to follow him in. They were both buzzed into the school with ease, and Zemo (gracefully, he was a baron not a barbarian) stormed into the office. The secretary directed him into the principal's office, and he thanked her with a quick nod.

Oeznik opened the door for him and closed it with both of them inside. Oeznik stood in the doorway, watching over everything carefully. He would not hesitate to act if any more harm befell either of his young masters.

“Ms. Carter, always a pleasure.” Zemo said to the principal agreeably, holding out his hand for a shake. Sharon shook it once and they both released. Zemo knew of her connections to the underworld and she knew of his, so they had a mutual agreement to not bother the other one while they were living out their normal, everyday lives.

“Baron Zemo.” Sharon greeted. After he turned away from her, he took in the other members of the room. Carol was seated in one of the two chairs in front of Sharon’s desk, and her son, along with Carl, were in two other chairs near the back of her office. Zemo made his way over to Carl, carefully assessing the arm he was cradling close to his chest.

It was most definitely broken.

“Oeznik,” Zemo commanded loudly, “Take Carl to the hospital. Get him seen as soon as possible, his arm is clearly broken. Inform him that I will make my way as soon as possible.” Oeznik rushed over, gently leading Carl outside of the office, although Zemo gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the forehead before they left.

As soon as Carl was gone, he changed from a loving father figure to a pissed off, rich, european who could end your life in one word. He took the seat next to Carol and ignored her attempts to talk to him, instead he spoke directly to Sharon. “Would you mind explaining to me what happened, Ms. Carter? I would hate for any inaccuracies in the story to result in a lawsuit.” He said nonchalantly, inspecting his nails. Sharon smirked at him, and began to explain. “From what I could gather from the children, supervisors-” Sharon began, only to be cut off by Carol. “They're all lying! My darling Hunter would never dare do such a thing!” Carol huffed.

“-and security footage.” Sharon finished dryly, and Zemo delighted in the way Carol’s face turned white and dropped. His smirk grew as he watched Carol mentally panic. “Hunter started to insult Carl, who was making his way into the school in order to use the washroom. When Carl ignored him, Hunter used physical force to get his attention, and pushed Carl onto the ground, resulting in his broken arm.” “Well,” Zemo said with a smirk, “I believe we can all agree that the young Mr. West is at fault here. I will not press charges, but I think that Carol should temporarily have her position on the PTA revoked, considering that this was an act of poor parenting on her part.” Sharon’s responding grin was very much similar to a sharks, and Zemo made a mental note to go to her next party and purchase some art work. She was being remarkably helpful in dealing with Carol’s actions.

“Of course. You are free to go, Baron Zemo, and I’ll talk with Mrs. West on the matter of punishments.” Sharon responded, standing up to shake his hand. When she did, he quietly whispered for her to contact him with the details of her next gathering. She gave him a nod and they parted. He left her office with a wink, gave another nod to the secretary on the way out of the conference room, and promptly ran directly into James while exiting it.

"Говно!” He cursed in surprise as he tripped over James’ feet and started to fall. He was prepared for a harsh impact, only to have a hand wrap around his waist instead. James had caught him, and was also laughing. Zemo soaked in the noise, pushing away the normal guilt and shame he felt over enjoying James’ presence.

“I didn’t know you knew Russian.” James said, still laughing slightly as he helped Zemo right himself. Zemo flushed, knowing that his curse had been understood.

“The sentiment is shared,” He said, embarrassment coursing through him. “My apologies, I really do hate to cut our conversation short, but, as I am sure you are aware, Carl has been injured.” James nodded and they parted ways, him back to his classroom and Zemo calling an Uber to come drive him to the hospital as he exited the school.

He paid the driver extra to keep his mouth shut, and enjoyed the silent ride. He collected all his thoughts and pushed everything not important to the side. His only focus will be Carl, and that was it.

Once he arrived at the hospital he headed into the ER and texted Oeznik, who told him where he was with Carl. Zemo rushed over, not running, but walking as fast as he could that was still socially acceptable. Carl appeared to be relatively happy, and Zemo felt his heart and head finally start to slow.

Carl was safe. And that was all that mattered.

Tagging: @morganbritton132 (Who came up with this AU) and @i-ll-be-the-moon (Who is a super suporitive friend!!)

[caroline-min-max]

Night Terrors

It’s usually Caroline who has problems with nightmares and a fear of the dark. Tonight, it’s someone else’s turn.

It was barely past 2 AM. All alone in the living room, donned in white pajamas with blue stripes and huddled up on the couch with a blanket around him, Min sat with the light on. The TV set was barely audible, Min worried about waking either Max or especially Caroline up.

Morning was still so far away and he was shaking with fright. It didn't matter that Max was so close by in his own bed in the room they shared together. Min couldn't take being in the dark any longer and slipped out without his brother noticing.

Was this what it was like for Caroline when she was having a bad night? It already was upsetting to Min and Max when it happened but now Min felt an all new level of empathy for her.

This was truly awful. Feeling so jumpy, seeing things that weren’t actually there, questioning every single sound, and too scared about having bad dreams to even attempt sleep.

In Min’s case, it was all because of a horror movie they’d gone to see. Caroline absolutely loved them and always asked if they’d like to accompany her. Min was beginning to dread it every single time. 

It did seem a tad hypocritical. Min had seen his fair share of murder, even committing it himself, but seeing deranged serial killers, monsters, and spooks doing it with buckets of gore was too distasteful for him. Min himself preferred to deliver a quick shot through the head. He could never torture anyone. He’d held a man down and looked away while the White Rabbit had done that.

The movie they’d seen this time was a home invasion flick. Two everyday looking men had completely terrorized an innocent family. No one was safe; not even the baby or dog. Min’s stomach started churning and he actually had to spit out his mouthful of popcorn into a napkin, unable to swallow it. 

Caroline and Max were seemingly unaffected. Caroline’s attention was glued to the screen when he looked over at her. Max had covered his eyes a few times but still seemed invested in what was going on. Only Min seemed to want to hightail it out of the theater when it was obviously the innocent family was doomed.

Now, while Max and Caroline were sleeping soundly, Min was paranoid and longing to see daylight. It was all infomercials or religious programming on TV as he channel surfed. He eventually found a rerun of a trashy talk show and decided to leave it there. 

Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes felt like hours. Hours felt like days. Never before could Min recall a night dragging on this long. Looking at the clock on the wall made it ever worse. It seemed to be standing still. Maybe it was out of batteries? Should he get up to check?

“Are you alright?”

A soft voice behind him and a hand on his shoulder made Min shout in alarm and jump. In response, he heard a startled gasp as the hand was quickly moved. He quickly looked back to see a nervous looking Caroline in a flowy pink nightgown, scared from his extreme reaction yet the worry for him was obvious in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Min!” Now that Caroline could see his face she could tell which twin it was. “I didn’t think that would frighten you!”

“I-it’s OK, Miss White!” Min assured, wondering if his heart rate would ever slow down again. She’d nearly made him jump out of his skin! “Is the TV too noisy?” Although he wasn’t quite sure just how loud something had to be for Caroline’s ears to detect it he’d thought it was low enough. 

“Not at all,” Caroline answered as she took a seat next to him on the couch. It felt almost odd to have some personal space for once without Max there. He and Min tended to feel like matching bookends when they’d sit so close to her. “I wanted some water and saw the light on. What are you doing up?”

“I...” Min hesitated. “Can’t sleep,” he answered, deciding to leave it at that; he didn’t want Caroline to think that he was a sissy. Everyone had troubles sleeping every once in awhile; it was a suitable excuse. 

“Insomnia or something else?” Caroline pried. Min was awfully jumpy and he didn’t look very well. 

“Insomnia,” Min answered quickly, only to get a skeptical look from Caroline. He wasn’t just laying awake in bed; he’d come all the way out here to turn the lights and TV on. He should have known that she’d realize there was more to it. “I...” It was so embarrassing to admit. “I didn’t like the movie...” 

“Oh...” Caroline hadn’t expected that. “It was pretty extreme compared to what else we’ve seen,” she acknowledged after thinking about the content a little more. “I do hope the next one focuses more on the scares instead of prolonged violence.” Even she had winced when it came to the fate of the poor dog. 

“Miss White...” Min had gone this far, he might as well tell her the whole truth since she wasn’t getting it. “I don’t...” He glanced away from her for a moment. “I don’t like horror movies. I haven’t liked any of them.” He looked back to see that Caroline wasn’t mad; rather her ears had perked up in surprise.

“But...” Caroline’s brow crinkled in confusion. She’d honestly had no clue. Min had never given any indication he felt this way. “You’ve gone to so many with me! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to be left out...” Min muttered sheepishly.

Guilt stabbed at Caroline’s heart. She could see that as being a big enough motivator to force himself to keep going. “I’m so sorry! It won’t be like that! I’ll go to them on my own and you, Max, and I can go see something else together. I know Max will understand!”

Min smiled at her appreciatively. That went a lot easier than he expected and he likely would have saved himself a lot of grief if he’d just been honest sooner. Max didn’t like to do things without him anyway. Although, Min couldn’t think of any other genre Caroline tended to enjoy. What would they see instead?

“Hey... Can I ask you somethin’?” Min had come this far and Caroline recently stopped being such a grouch when he or Max asked her personal questions. She’d actually been willing to open up to them.  

“Yes?” Caroline asked as she made herself more comfortable on the couch since she was going to be there longer than she expected. 

“Why do you like those movies so much anyway?” 

Caroline smirked. “Because, Min...” She paused for a moment, just picturing how he’d look at her after she explained. She really didn’t want to see it. This was going to be way more than someone as simple minded as Min was expecting. “That’s how I see the world. Happy endings are all a fantasy I can’t get into. Sometimes the monsters in the real world are obvious looking like the Joker but most of them appear just like your average person. They’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Caroline leaned in closer to Min’s face, locking eye contact with him. 

“They put needles in my irises to changed the pigment, Min,” Caroline said, making him flinch when she placed her two pointer fingers centimeters away from his eyes for emphasis before withdrawing them. “Feeling the pains of my body being altered, them chaining me up like an animal... It’s nothing for me to see someone get a chainsaw to the head in a movie. It actually could have been worse...” Caroline gently curled her hands around her throat. “They talked about removing my vocal cords since I wouldn't stop screaming,” She moved her hands and jabbed her pointer finger into the side of her head. “and doing brain surgery on me to make me more obedient. I’m in a horror movie myself that will never be over only I’VE become the monster to survive.”

Min was staring at her with his mouth agape. Talking in vivid detail about what had happened to her during the time she’d been experimented on was usually off limits. Now here Caroline suddenly was, giving Min new horrible images to fixate on and she wasn’t done.

Without realizing it Caroline had scooted over far enough to make Min feel somewhat trapped on the sofa. Normally he liked being close to her but this time it felt somewhat claustrophobic, like he was trapped. He could always stand up but he was almost afraid to look away from her for even a moment.

“Mr. Dent used to protect me. Mr. Nygma said it was nice to see a fresh face in Arkham. Miss Isley complimented my hair and helped me wash the blood out of it after that one riot. I know it upset you boys but Mr. Cobblepot was trying to be polite when he kissed me hand and introduced himself.” Caroline reflected fondly on the surprisingly pleasant meetings she’d had with these supposedly fearsome Rouges. 

Caroline knew her place in hierarchy and purposely went out of her way to make it clear she wasn’t going to step on anyone’s toes. That respect had gone a long way in making sure no one had a reason to want to harm her. Only the Joker was a concern as no one was off limits if he came up with an idea that amused him.

“Those villains that all of Gotham are my allies now but I’m still terrified,” Caroline admitted, a small tremble to her voice. “The people that should be feared most are the ones who aren’t obvious about it. They’re the ones you might have welcomed into your home not realizing they have a thing for torturing animals. Your co-worker might be going home every night to abuse his wife. Those are the kinds of people who did this to me.”

A chill ran down Min’s spine when Caroline actually started laughing. It wasn’t a gleeful laugh but rather a desperate one as recalled how terrible her situation used to be. There was nothing else she could do about it now. 

“I was the favorite of one of the regulars at that club I told you about. He... He told me that I reminded him of his daughter and he’d be furious if he caught her working in a place like this. Didn’t stop him from trying to feel me up, though!” Caroline forced another laugh as she slapped her knee. “No sirree!”

Caroline kept waiting for Min to try and say something but he had no idea what to do right now except listen. She could tell he was still with her even though he looked so uncomfortable.

“I have no doubt that I murdered men who had those around them convinced they were good people and they’re missed. I will NEVER regret setting that club on fire for how they treated all of us women there,” Caroline said firmly, more than sure of herself. "So that's why, Min. That's why I want to watch horror movies. It's nice to be sitting on the other end as an observer and know that, whether or not the characters live or die, they're no doubt walking away from that experience just as screwed up as I am."

That’s it. She was finally done. Caroline hadn’t held back, both wanting to finally spill her guts but also curious to see just how much Min could take. Since he wanted to know so bad she’d let him have it. 

For as much sense as that made Min hadn't expected to hear all that from Caroline. He sat there for a moment as he took in everything she'd said, Caroline watching him with amusement. 

It was hard for Caroline to repress a smug smile. The twins were sweet but “intelligent” would never be a word she’d associate them with. This was likely way too over Min’s head for him to even respond with anything.

It was nice that they all got along well but Caroline had been thinking about just how far she wanted to allow that. The twins had been calling her their “friend” of their own accord. She’d silently accepted that but wasn’t sure how she’d felt about it. 

It was dangerous letting people get too close. Caroline could never directly push the twins away after all they’d done for her but maybe she could make them think they’d done it themselves. 

Friends should be able to handle just how fucked up one another was, right? 

“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard...” Min finally replied. He felt heartbroken to have that kind of insight in Caroline’s thoughts. “I...” He wasn’t as good with words or being comforting like Max was but he had to try. “I hope me and Max can change your mind! We’ll take you out more often! We’ll show you more of the good stuff that’s out there!”

“You really think that cancels out everything I’ve been through?” Caroline snapped. This wasn’t how the flow of conversation was supposed to go. She’d planned for Min to awkwardly excuse himself and run away. For this to stop the twins from continuing to treat her more like family than a boss.

“N-No... But... What good is being angry and sad all the time doing for you?” Min asked nervously, wilting under Caroline’s harsh gaze. For such a tiny woman she could muster up looks that made grown men cower. 

Min and Max had been through a scenario like this with Two Face keeping himself miserable by refusing to see Grace again. Caroline’s situation was a lot worse to the point where Min was overwhelmed but he was going to try his hardest to at least make it a little better.

“W-well I...” Caroline was the one who was tongue tied now. She didn’t have a snappy comeback prepared for Min’s question. “It’s not, but...”

“Aren’t you happy with us?” Min asked desperately. He and Max had tried so hard to bring a smile smile to the rabbit eared woman’s face that was usually seething with annoyance. “Or... Are we that useless to you too?” He held his breath for the answer. All Two Face had done was criticize he and Max no matter how hard they tried. Were they failures at being friends as well henchmen.

“Min...” Seeing him so vulnerable took all the wind out of Caroline’s sales. She didn’t have it in her to find a way to argue against him. “You and Max...” If she admitted this out loud she really would never be rid of them. “Are the only two good things in my life and I don’t know where I’d be right now if you both had given up on me.”

A smile of pure delight and happiness spread across Min’s face, gratitude radiating from his eyes. So Caroline did appreciate the two of them. It wasn’t just all in their heads. She really did need them. 

Min’s smile was so contagious Caroline couldn’t help feeling happy as well despite the grim subject matter they’d been talking about. These damn twins could manage to brighten up her mood no matter what and maybe that was just what she needed.

“Fine...” Caroline sighed. “Fine! You win! I’ll let you and Max try and make me believe in ‘Happily ever afters’, OK?”

“We will, Miss White!” Min assured as he eagerly gripped both her hands and held them. “I promise!”

Caroline nodded. Only time would tell, she supposed, although she had plenty of doubts. 

Feeling better, Min walked backed to his room with Caroline, wishing her a “goodnight” before entering. Once he shut the door behind him Caroline started to walk away, stopping when she heard that Max was awake. 

Unable to stop herself from eavesdropping, Caroline pressed her ear against the door to hear their conversation clearly. It seems they were discussing where Min had been for so long.

“Hey, Max? Why don’t those horror movies bother you?” Min asked, wanting to hear his brother’s reasoning. He and Max hadn’t gone through anything like Caroline to justify wanting to see such upsetting subject matter.

“Two Face was scarier than any of those killers,” Max answered, then sharing a laugh with his brother while Caroline placed a hand over her mouth to muffle her chuckle. That was an excellent point! “I guess...” Joking aside, Max thought about it a little more. “I don’t feel like I have anything to be scared of. You’ve always been there to help me and now Miss White is protecting us too. So far we’ve killed almost anyone who messes with us,” he said proudly.

“Yeah, you’re right!” Min replied confidently. “Thanks, Max! I think I can go back to sleep now!”

Min should have known he could have gone to Max with his worries. His twin always had a more positive way of viewing the world that made sense to him. After saying goodnight Min laid down in his bed and quickly dozed off, the events of the movie no longing haunting him.

Hearing it go quiet, Caroline stood back from the door and started for her own bedroom down the hall. She hadn’t disregarded what Min said to her. She supposed that it could be possible to find a mix of seeing more positives in the world while staying realistic about the bad things that happen as well. 

Gotham City was a harsh and cruel place to live in, yet Caroline was finding those little slices of paradise here and there. One of them was her own home, and it had only become better with her two new housemates.

“OK...” Caroline decided for certain, speaking to herself softly as she stood in front of the doorway to her room, looking back at the twins’ door. “I really will give it a shot.” 

Saying and doing were two very different things, however. Life wasn’t all bad, she couldn’t argue that point with Min. Just maybe appreciating what she had a little more might make her happier in turn.That fairy tale ending just might be more realistic than she thought.

[lamiaward]

fuck the gods (not in that way!!*) and also give me my son back, you ********

*apart from , maybe, the very awkward blonde one.

I don’t own OUAT

Warnings : death. That’s it.

Some battles cannot be won.

Life is unfair. The gods are selfish, drunk bastards who laugh whenever another mortal loses what matters most to them. There are illnesses and wars and so much injustice. And Regina still didn’t see it coming. Because that is what the gods and the world may have been to her, but it should’ve been different for Henry.

Henry, who once didn’t eat an entire day because he shared his lunch with two of his classmates whose dad didn’t have enough money. Her little prince, who only fought only once and it was because a girl in his class made his friend Nick cry. Henry, sweet and kind and smart and funny and so, so good that Regina is surprised every day that there is someone so good in the first place.

Illnesses weren’t supposed to get to a boy like that. Doctors were supposed to smile and say ‘it’s nothing’ when he got sudden nosebleeds. There wasn’t supposed to be a coffin small enough to fit his body perfectly into it. It was supposed to be all a horrible, absurd dream.

But it has been a month, and Regina is still not waking up. Her son’s toys are where he left them, the last time he had enough energy to play with them. She hasn’t made his bed yet, after the day they rushed him to the hospital. His latest drawing is still stuck to the fridge, with his ‘I’s carefully dotted like she taught him.  There are a dozen other ones, papers she should perhaps throw out or bu- but instead they’re next to her bed and in it and on the table she is sitting lifelessly at.

She didn’t think it could be any more silent, or that silence could cut her even deeper. But now she is at the table, and she would honestly sell all her limbs and sight and all that money that is so useless for just one more dinner where her son wolfs down his dinner like he is in Hell and it’s the thing keeping him there (like her company is that unbearable). She would sell her voice for another glare, her kidneys for another refused hug, her – she would sell everything she has for all those moments she thought she despised more than anything and felt so empty.

Gods, how stupid she was. Empty isn’t Henry’s absence at breakfast or his barricaded door ( he used to beg her for another story, another, por favor mami). Empty is turning around, already asking him to hand the dishtowel and realizing he isn’t just quietly watching her like usual. Empty is waking up, and being confused by why she didn’t hear his alarm clock went off. Empty is no more books scattered through the house, not almost tripping over his shoes left somewhere, no careful admonishments.

She lives in a numbness interrupted by horrible, atrocious, overwhelming bouts of awareness brought on by anything of Henry’s until the moment. She later doesn’t recall whether it was a Tuesday or a Wednesday, what the weather was, who she was with – just that she yelled and cursed so much that she really lived up to the insidious nickname and she left.

She plans everything, always, but there was no planning involved this time. She just goes home, bakes, bakes more, throws it all in one of her bags and leaves for Vegas. She doesn’t pay any of the bright lights, the laughter, the throwing up and the whistling- she ignores it all as she storms to the entrance.

She throws the coin at Charon, pushes past ‘Spotty’ as their heads growl and bark and howl. She marches down to the throne- her hand clenches her sword so tightly she can feel the blood circulation start to get cut off but instead of throwing her sword at them, she does the unthinkable.

Regina Mills, evil queen, swordfighter extraordinaire, strongest charmspeaker in three centuries- stubborn, hard-headed, proud and with enough reasons to hate the gods for three lifetimes,

Kneels down on the ground and bends her head.

Emma had spoken in favour of Regina, once.

She didn’t know the woman, but she knew the stories. And the stories were clear about one thing ; Regina Mills did not pay the gods her respect. She had not done so when threatened with an afterlife of horrors, with a sword at her throat and nearly the entire council lifting their hands to vote against her.

(once, she had faked her respect and even love of the gods so perfectly that even Emma’s own mother had been so taken by the mortal girl with the sweet smile and beautiful yet devastating eyes)

That day the council had decided on Regina’s fate Emma had absurdly felt like she did know Regina and all it had taken was one look shared, one she never discussed with anyone. She had expected to never see the woman again, never hear from her, never have any cause to regret her decision.

And here she was, kneeling with her head bent even.

Emma was so surprised she rose immediately, and then cursed herself. What – why would I want to go to that woman, and comfort her? That’s crazy! But true. Regina felt off. She felt – Emma’s own eyes were burning and her throat closed and she actually suspected Regina’s involvement ( that poisonous- ) for a moment before she remembered when that happened.

She snuck a glance at her husband- and frowned. Neal was glancing at the woman with puzzlement and distaste. The gods were all running low on empathy, but Neal was usually one of the more empathic ones (although that most certainly did not keep him from making selfish choices). And here there was a woman that felt broken by grief and he didn’t do anything?

“ Nea-“

“ What brings you here, witch?” he commanded, sounding strict and cold in ways he usually didn’t.

She touched his arm briefly. “ Wait” she commanded in turn, not even bothering to look. She knew he would be shocked and unhappy. She held her eyes on Regina, and told herself it was just because only an idiot wouldn’t pay attention to their greatest enemy.

Then Regina slowly raised her head and she couldn’t have lied to herself if it would’ve cost her her immortality not to. What- Emma’s specialty had never been people, although she was good at telling when they lied and what they wanted. Still, despite Regina’s stoic appearance, Emma wasn’t fooled.

She only realized she had crossed the distance when Neal called out to her.

“ What are you doing ?” he repeated

“She is hurt”

“ She is a known enemy of- “

She ignored him, and offered Regina her hand. (according to rumours, Regina’s touch was tainted, more than Midas’s) . She expected the woman to refuse her but somehow wasn’t that surprised when a warm, soft hand accepted her own. She was surprised by how close the woman was to her, however.

And how vulnerable she looked.

“ EMMA”

She only glanced at him. “ Nea- “

“ That’s it. She is breaking the oath, and- “

“ My son- “ Neal and Emma looked away from each other at the sound of that. Regina visibly struggled before inhaling and exhaling slowly and finally adding “ he was lost”

Before Emma could speak, before Neal could start protesting, Regina added “ He is so good- you cannot allow him to suffer for my sins”

They both were shocked into silence. ( Regina had never admitted she had made mistakes. Regina didn’t love) Finally, Emma stepped forward. She felt Neal slowly step behind her. “ You know the – “

Some people were surprised that beautiful people could be ugly. Emma wasn’t, not really. She had been alive too long and been through much shit to be surprised when gorgeous people got ugly very fast. Still, she was disappointed when Regina’s entire face shifted and she –

“This is a mistake”

“ I am sorry-  Emma, I-  “

Emma relaxed her stance slightly when Regina nearly fell over she was trying to get her so fast, and reached out for Emma, only to drop her hand and swallow. “ I apologize” she whispered.

“All right” she acknowledged, nodding. Fuck, but there was something about Regina that made Emma feel -she didn’t have a good word for it, she wasn’t the goddess of words and stupid feelings that made her want to do stupid things like comforting people that would probably poison her.

Neal butted in before they could do more than stare at each other. “ no, not all right”

“ Neal- “

“Emma, she – “

“She is a mother”

“ Oh for – please don’t start talking about your mother”

“ Listen, she is kind of overbearing and way too involved and she still treats me like I am basically a kid, but I also love her. Anyone should have a mom, and the fact that I had to miss her at first, only because- “

“This woman, right in front of you, the one you want me to break the rules for, conspired against your family and pretty much ruined your life and had you do all these crazy things like some sort of gladiator”

“I am just saying we should give her a chance to speak. That’s all”

“Her family is notorious for being manipulators”

“Yeah well, still. It’s obvious she loves her kid”

“ I do” Regina interrupted, clearing her throat. “ And every moment you waste discussing this, Henry spends another moment in a place he does not deserve to be”

“ Regina- “

“ Please don’t let him suffer for my mistakes” it was obvious that Regina was struggling with being vulnerable and not letting her distaste show, but she was still genuine enough that even Neal hesitated. They shared glances for a moment and for a moment, she was sure he would agree with her. Whatever Regina’s sin are, that boy didn’t deserve to be stuck here.

But instead, he ruined everything and asked “ What about Elysium? Don’t you want your son to go there?”

“ You know very well- “ Regina cut herself off. Maybe she had realized how very hostile she sounded as she sounded more matter of fact ( though still like she would like to rip one of the bones that are used as decoration for Neal’s throne, and spear it through his heart) when she said “ The council ruled that no one belonging to my family will ever receive entrance to Elysium”

“ But the boy is not your blood”

Wrong thing to say. “ He is my family. He is my son”

Neal gave that special smile off him, the one that shows he is really uncomfortable. “ But you didn’t give birth to him. So that might be a loophole”

Regina looked about ready to proof the rumours were a lot more than just people trying to ruin her reputation, so Emma quickly stepped in. “ We will look for the boy okay?”

Regina nodded, once. It was really more of a jerk, or a flinch, but Emma decided to take it. She even crazily reached out to squeeze Regina’s bicep as she started walking. The woman went too fast, almost running, so Emma touched her briefly again. She startled when Regina flinched at the sudden motion, but the woman’s glare definitely said ‘back off’ so Emma didn’t push it.

In fact, they didn’t talk at all during the walk. Emma tried to keep Regina from walking too fast but it’s a lost case and she finally had to give up. As soon as the woman was speedwalking ahead of them, oddly unbothered by all the wispy, transparent people clutching at her sleeves and muttering in dozens of different languages and dialects , Neal caught up with Emma

“Emma”

She kept her eyes on Regina, although she shot Neal a quick smile. “Yes?”

“ She broke the laws”

“ Neal- “

“ No, listen. She seems- I mean, she is obviously still terrible but she really seems to care. But I can’t allow her to leave unpunished. We very specifically banned her”

“Since when do you care about rules and the other gods? Most of them are jerks”

“ Yeah, but they’re also more powerful if they work together”

Emma snorted. “ When do they ever work together? “

Neal smiled.  “True” Then he sobered “ But you know we can’t just let her break all the rules. It’s already bad enough we let her off in the first- “

“Neal. What we did was not ‘let her off’, okay? We could’ve been harsher yeah, but we weren’t exactly merciful”

Neal was silent for a while, just long enough for Emma to be caught off guard when he suddenly said “ You never told me why you helped her”

“ You never asked”

“ Figured you didn’t want to talk”

It was Emma’s turn to be silent for a while. “ Saw something in her”

“What? She’s -  “ he trailed off, and Emma decided that was the right moment to say something. Not everything, of course, as she couldn’t really put it into words anyways, but something. “ She isn’t just bad. Even if every horrible thing is true – “Emma shrugged. “ I felt like it was important that we gave her that chance”

“ Emma- “

“I know , okay? It’s – “ Emma laughed. “ It’s crazy, even by my standards, but-  “she shrugged. “ I dunno. I just feel like –“  

Regina’s shriek interrupted their conversation. Emma nearly hurt her neck when she snapped her head to watch Regina, running and stumbling and finally throwing her arms around a small, transparent, barely visible boy. It was difficult to spot any colours, but it seemed like he had had brown hair. Brown eyes.

“ His eyes are kinda like hers” Emma says, watching Regina fall to her knees and try to touch the boy’s chin, again and again. She can see the woman’s lips move rapidly, but she’s too far away to hear. Maybe she should be glad. It looks painful.

It was. That much became clear when they got closer and heard Regina say  “Henry, it’s me. Mijo, por favor” while trying to touch his chin, stopping, trying, hesitating, and muttering his name again. Emma froze, caught by the woman. A glance at Neal showed him equally entranced, as surprised as her by how Regina wasn’t attempting to keep anything intact anymore.

She obviously didn’t care about what they thought of what she looked like, completely lost in the attempt to make her son actually look at her.

Instead, he stared past her. The Underworld didn’t leave much left of people, diminishing their memories and feelings and even consciousness. Regina knew that, maybe better than anyone but the rulers of the place themselves. Still, she kept trying to talk to Henry, getting more desperate, shaking more, touching his chin and trying to turn his head her way.

She couldn’t even touch him- the dead were not physical here. There was nothing but a vague sight- kind of like seeing a person’s reflection. Emma was just about to step in, keep the woman from a full-scale meltdown when the impossible happened.

Henry swallowed and choked out “ M- Mami?”

Regina started nodding rapidly, then stepped even closed and muttered something. Emma couldn’t hear, but it made another impossibility happen- Henry smiled. It was still barely there, and more confused than happy but there was certainly some sort of recognition. She could’ve stared for a while longer, something about the little family reuniting as beautiful as painful but Neal stepped forward before she could do anything.

“ It is time to say goodbye”

Regina stepped in front of her son protectively. It was ridiculous, because she was just a mortal, one with special parentage surely but still mortal but Emma actually felt mildly threatened. She even reached for her sword automatically, not that she wanted to.

“ Neal, maybe- “

“ No. That’s going too far, Em” he’s really serious if he calls me that. For some reason, Emma kind of wanted to punch him. She actually had to take a few deep breaths and then take a step back.

“Come on, she just- “

“ She can’t keep getting away with her crimes”

Emma looked at Henry. He looked actually afraid now, eyes wide and lips trembling slightly. It was painful to look at, actually. More painful to look at, was how he tried to move in front of his mother after only a really short hesitation.

“ Kid, don’t do that” she admonished him.

“ She- “  he shook his head. She got it. The dead quickly lost their voices, not able to speak at all or just not remembering enough to have anything to say.

“ Listen, Henry was it?” Neal said, taking a step towards the terrified little boy. He nodded, only hesitating for a second. Regina tensed, her hand dropping to her stomach while her other one grabbed her sword tightly.

“ We’re going to get you to a good place, but your mom can’t come okay?”

“ why not?” his voice was really hoarse, but at least he could still talk. It took him several tries, but at least he still could remember the words ( the dead usually held on to the feelings connected to their loved ones the longest, the rest was gone quickly)

He blinked rapidly, his entire face scrunching up. “ Is it because she – is it because she was bad?”

Regina didn’t bother to hide the devastation and Emma could only stare at her. It was Neal who answered “ Yes. She needs to pay for that”

It took him a lot longer this time, but finally Henry managed to push out “ Will it hurt?”

“ No, this place you are going to – “

“ No-, not- I – “ he stammered, then glanced at Regina and moved in front of her again. She just stepped around him, trying to keep her body in front of him.

“ Listen Henry, your- “

And then the kid started bawling. Not just crying, not sobbing but bawling. He tried to cling to his mother, only to start shaking when he couldn’t. He looked terrified and pained and angry and his mother couldn’t do anything. It was obvious to Emma that Regina knew what to do, just that she couldn’t.

Because calming her son meant hugging him, or another brief, calming touch and her son was dead.

“ I am – I am – “ it wasn’t just the bawling, he was fading again. As goddess of the Underworld, Emma knew that shit.

“ S- s – so – sorry” he finally managed, trying to hug his mother again. Emma wanted to break every single rule, just to stop it.

“ It’s – it’s – “ Emma was pretty sure that was called hyperventilating. Could the dead even do that, shit? “ My – my f- fa- fault”

“ No. No, mijo”  Regina managed a trembling smile. “ You were so good. You were right, and so good”

She swallowed, and looked at Neal. “ Will he be all right?”

“ Yes”

“ Ha- “ Regina had to take several deep breaths before she could speak, her hand holding on to her stomach so tightly that it must hurt. She was trying to ignore Henry, who was kind of screaming now. “ Happy?”

“ Yes”

Regina bend over, so she could look Henry in the eyes. “ Mi principito- “

Henry wasn’t speaking anymore, just shaking his head and gesturing. His eyes were wide, face completely free of tears even if he was obviously still crying and he kept trying to hold on to Regina.

“ You will be happy” Regina tried to kiss his forehead, then swallowed when it wouldn’t work. “ Sé valiente, principito”

Henry tried to keep close to her, grabbing for her sleeves and her bag and even her hair but Regina still moved away. She was hyperventilating herself now, tears streaming down her face and her body shaking so badly that you could hear the clatter of her teeth. She was also very obviously trying to look indifferent, but she almost screamed when Neal touched Henry’s shoulder –

And disappeared.

---  SIX MORTAL MONTHS LATER

Goddesses cannot die-

But they can get ill.

It only took a week before the illness really got Emma. She no longer slept. She was more short-tempered than usual, snapping nearly every time someone tried to talk to her. She kept to herself, to the point where her voice would get hoarse from disuse. She no longer laughed at Neal’s jokes, or even just smiled at him.

Gods are very selfish-

But they can be selfless.

It took six months before Neal caved, and realized this would not stop. Emma no longer shared a room with him. She no longer smiled or punched him gently or did anything of the things that made him love her. She wasn’t herself anymore, and there was only one thing he could do.

Emma woke up wrapped in a bright red jacket, a letter in Neal’s handwriting – go get her Em-  in her hand and a boy sleeping in the chair. His hair was a brown, his eyes hazel and his skin not translucent at all.  It took her two seconds to appear in the throne room, hug Neal and joke her way through a tearful goodbye and appear in front of a house with a boy protectively held in her arms.

Regina Mills opened the door.

Emma smiled, shyly, and shrugged.

“Hey”

Just a quick one-shot because I don’t have work until late tomorrow, and I have horrible difficulties writing lately. ( also I am still obsessed with Greek mythology, so this is based on like four separate myths oops) Also used some PJO stuff, like charmspeaking & the entrance to the UW being in Las Vegas.  Hope you enjoyed!

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Wrap-Up

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

So here are my final thoughts on the book Changeless for those interested in such things:

Once again the big problem/perk of the story is the consistent frivolousness of it all.  The book is much more interested in its supposed comedy of manners than the last.  This comedy of manners mostly boils down to lol Ivy is stupid, and look at how uptight everyone is.  For the most part it’s just not that clever and more often than not I’m just rolling my eyes at it.  I will say this book is funnier than the last one.  There are a few jokes that are just so dumb, they do hit me in a good way.

However it’s kinda frustrating when nobody seems to care about the overarching plot at all.  Like there is an active shooter in the castle and they all just shrug and go to dinner and later bed.  For me personally, and I don’t know if people would disagree with me on this…when I pick up a supernatural action/comedy/romance.  I’m kinda there for the action, and hoping to enjoy it being peppered with a fun romance and silly comedy.  Not for the action to show up once every 3 chapters, and most of it is a couple of unlikable buttholes being belligerently horny at one another and a dumb character off in the corner going, “Duhhh what does this button do?” The action at the center should be propelling the rest of the story but rather it just feels as if it was an afterthought.

But I mean…at least I find the comedy funny a few times, I did not find the action at the center compelling at fucking all.  The ~who dun it spy~ antagonist was painfully easy to guess.  She does a piss poor job at structuring the suspense and wastes a lot of obvious opportunities for drama.  The few dramatic moments we do get I spend the time going, “that makes no sense” rather than, “WILL THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE?!”  Part of this issue comes down to the fact the book wants you to miss out on feeling the ~BAD~ emotions.   You’re not allowed to be sad, scared, or confused as to the right course of action. ONLY HORNY AND LAUGHING! ONLY HORNY AND LAUGHING!  Not only are we missing out on feelings that could make one more deeply invested in the characters and story…but there are moments that should be sad or scary and instead are just powered through with oblivious humor, which makes the lead characters seem monstrously callous or thick as pig shit.

Alexia was kinda a plucky idiot last book.  This book her utter lack of human empathy and kindness makes her harder and harder to root for.

Maccon’s asshole-osity becomes increasingly apparent.  He has a very bad case of hypocrisy in this book.  He refuses to share basic information with his wife but gets seething mad when she doesn’t tell him much less vital information. It’s really not hot or the sign of a good leader that his tactic for dealing with people is mostly intimidation, with a pinch of violence, and that he was seriously considering hurting his wife over listening to her. The only thing he puts effort into is trying to have sex with his wife, and he really should have a few things higher on his god damn list.  And honestly? He doesn’t really do much for this story at all. Alexia does all the plot lifting on her own.  The only thing he contributes to is the ending, and it casts him in an incredibly dark light.  And yanno it just sucks to know that he’s going to be forgiven for it and probably for as little as a “My bad.”  

I continue to find the Alexia/Maccon relationship beyond irritating but at least there were a couple of moments were they genuinely seem to connect in an intimate way, which were absent from the last book.  To be clear I am not conflating intimacy with sex when I use the word.  The two of them are most definitely not equals in the relationship. I wouldn’t classify the relationship as abusive, but best case scenario it’s not equal and worst case scenario it’s quite unhealthy with Maccon holding most of the cards.  But…I mean I can see why somebody would find their pissing contests entertaining.  But for me they’re child-adults who can’t speak to one another outside of annoyed sighs and dry humping.  Their banter is just not sexy or funny to me.

The Ivy and Tunstell subplot drama doesn’t work well at all.  The story outright tells you it doesn’t really care about it.  And the way it moves forward is clunky as all get out.  In particular when they just make-out out of nowhere.  I know they were trying to reconcile with how Tunstell saved her…than let that be the event that catapults them back together.  Let Ivy look up into Tunstell’s eyes after the rescue and breath, “….You saved me…and after all those awful things I said about you.”

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who cares!?

Speaking of which we get a lot more out of Ivy this book than last and I’m just not impressed with it.  I predicted that Ivy was going to be the comic relief dumb friend.  That Alexia would keep her around for her own ego and just be condensing to her the entire time.  Last book we didn’t get that. THIS BOOK WE GET WHAT I PREDICTED IN SPAAAAAAAAADES! Ivy is not framed as lovable, and not even for a second does Alexia interact with Ivy outside of irritated condensation she hides with a snide quip.  Sure Alexia can be snarky toward her, and Ivy frustrated but there is no affection from either of them.

I’M HONESTLY NOT SURE IF ALEXIA IS CAPABLE OF SUCH A THING!

LeFoux was cool though, even though there was no reason why she had to lie about Maccon asking her to keep Alexia safe.  And like the thing about their two dads knowing each other is interesting but honestly there’s probably nothing more to it.  I’m not a big fan of Alexia sexually assaulting her for no reason, or how Alexia needed it explained to her that lesbians are real.  But like, I’m glad the story is getting gay.

I’m kinda confused why Channing was even here?  She OPENS THE BOOK with a conflict about this character and then nothing of import comes out of him or the situation at all.  The whole team up with Biffy and Lyall sub-sub-sub plot should either not have even been in the book at all or there should have been significant more effort made to make their antics increase the drama for the main plot.  I suspect Channing is going to be more plot important next book.  AKA the next Angelique.  

Just like last book the antagonist is super weak.  I mean you could argue that she wasn’t revealed as the big bad until the 2nd to last chapter, you couldn’t build on her much…however her spy antics were throughout the book and none of it is very compelling. There could have easily had a better confrontation.  That Alexia confronts Angelique about spy stuff, and Angelique breaks out crocodile tears explaining, “NO it was LEFOUX!  I’m so sorry my lady, I couldn’t stop her!”And for a second Alexia questions it and hesitates but in that moment of hesitation BLAMO! STAB IN THE BACK! We should have had that stark contrast between her meek diligent servant persona and what a manipulative conniving bitch she’s supposed to be.  Make that betrayal FELT you know?

TL;DR

What’s good?

This book is more humorous than the last.  Again it’s just that NO-BUMMERS train chugging past a lot of dumb jokes in a steam-powered train straight into werewolf-fuckville.  The story getting gayer is enjoyable, and I have genuinely not read a het romance that teases any lesbianism. (Though I don’t read many het romances anyway.)  Despite my distaste for a lot of the characters and how this is all written, LeFoux was genuinely a lot of fun!  Her flirtations were WAY sexier than anything Alexia/Maccon had…but I don’t know if that’s cause I’m gayer than I am straight WHOOPS!  I will say that I think the pacing of the action in this book was better than the 1st.  Also the ending, despite me not caring for the characters, was a pretty good gut-punch.

And let’s be honest, in a trilogy the middle book is the hardest to pull off.

What’s bad?

Everything falls apart on any kind of base analysis.  The story spends way too much time holding your hand on stupid details like the current state of LeFoux’s dimples or is that other hot werewolf, who’s not plot relevant at all, still hot?  The mystery aspect was easily guessed, the plot does not hold water, and if you take a step back from any of these characters…most of them are completely distasteful.  Also this one featured much more open racism and sexism.  So booooooooooo. Would not recommend.