#but yea idk what this was meant to be but im just confused probably cause of some trauma but yea sorry lol

[failed-apple]

I am scared. I don't know how to start, because I'm afraid it might be the end of our good relationship or, if I'm lucky, it could be the realization of my dreams, which is for you to love me as I love you. I told myself, I might as well take the risk because it's the only remedy I know of that could let loose this feeling I've been keeping inside me all this time. I love you. I know you'll find it hard to believe me if I tell you how much you mean to me. I hardly understand what I feel for you, and don't know how these long, sleepless nights, thinking only of you can go one. I've never felt like this before. I don't know how to pour out my feelings for you now. I wanted to find the perfect words to make you realize how much I need you and love you, but words continue to elude me.

.

[anewp0tat0]

Chapter 190

wow I'm back with these things! didn't do them for a bit, and to be honest I thought this chapter break was very long, but that's just because I forgot last month's chapter happened for a moment. weird cause I thought it was sad and funny, but reasonable.

yana really went hard here and I'm so happy, Ada deserves this panel so much☆☆☆ I'll maybe never see her again and I'll probably forget soon but girl you a keeper.

I like that we have this little thing here, shows us everyone we know so far, kinda. yana's refusal to draw Polaris's right eye really doesn't do good for me. those other two seem to be people we don't know. I think I still fall on the possibility of him being Joker, which is a common theory. makes sense enough. but I'm not committed.

also, the one on the bottom left looks to be of Asian decent right? the only connection I can think of is to the quin bang, but that's a stretch.

also some of you know lots a flowers and that's very cool! that's a flower back there right? idk. I suck at flowers.

my first impression when he makes these shocked faces is that he's truly alarmed by the information. however after reading the panel below, it seems like that face is just his "new scheme in the making" face.

nice to see Lau is the same as ever. I really hope Ada and the rest have some sort of freedom from now on. Lau is sly with his repayment debts anyway. and I sure hope this is some side "i must bring honor to my country" thing and not some more relevant plot twist thing.

this poor girl I want to give her everything. she was meant to do nothing more in this world. also me too Lau. glad we all agree some information just gets lost over time. how is this man so powerful??

@grelleswife mentioned that so far all of the servants arcs have ended with a sunset, and thats a cool observation! i like that. gives me hope for the future. ofc yana isn't too predictable, but still. generally this panel is just... mhm. feelings.

that seems like a wrap then, overall super mega happy ending, finally!! it's been so long. I gotta say it doesn't feel as complete as a wrap that we were all expecting, but I think that's the general fault of having too much time to theorize and then totally expecting an explosion and multiple deaths. Ada is taken care of, Bard's alive, no one dies hazah. I think we can safely say that no one will die in these miny arcs until we get to ciel and sebastian unfortunetly.

one more thing though.

ngl i kinda forgot he was even here for a moment, no shade to Ronald I was excited and expectant but that's just what happens with a poor memory and 9 pages a month.

sorry that I'm just unable to buy the official translations atm so sit through my possibly unofficial confusion for a moment please. so Al is someone who seemingly is an ally of Layla, or so she thought. I have doubts that Ronald is a twist villain, even if it's just hopeful thinking. here though, Ronald's dialogue does in a way make it seem that he was supposed to meet with her, and she was certainly expected an "Al". RonAld is too much of a stretch right? or is that what is meant to be assumed?... what was his doctor allias again anyway, Dr. Knox right? idk sorry I gotta reread this whole arc soon but luckily it won't take long.

I would frankly be mad if Ronald turns out to be a secret baddy because 1) means future conflict with our cast. and grelle :< no they're meant to be best buds. also 2) means we need a whole other chapter to explain this and have them talk. nope, we're gone now sorry.

I doubt he is, I just wonder what type of deal he would have brought up with her.

and yea please discard the child, im very sorry to whatever she was before the fake soul inhabited the body, truly, my heart brakes. now throw it away.

[midnightmisadventures]

I had the cutest Liam dream ever ever like this is my fave im so happy

But i don’t remember the full thing cause it was several hours ago. But it was so cute, it (and im not kidding) was like the babe dream but if babe was just Liam (not in a wheelchair). 

So just try to fill in the details 

We were at chip but present day. And all of extended family was there, like any extended family that could be there was there.

At first though, i think before people got there. It was just me, bff, and him in the living room sleeping on air mattresses/the couches etc

And we were a little leftover high and watching movies and stuff all cuddly and warm (but separate). Well actually we werent cuddly and warm at first

Bff had something to make them warm, but Liam and i did not and it was cold in the house. So i was feeling like i’m cold right now, i know bff isnt but Liam probably is. And for some reason i was nervous to ask him lol. But i was like Liam are you cold, cause i am. And he was like ehh im okay, but then i said “i have two blankets right here!! and i can turn on the heat!” and he was like....well okay then yea i am cold i just didnt wanna say anything lmao. 

So i gave him the blue blanket with all the sports on it, like Dalvins old blanket. And i started going around and turning on the heat. But it was weird bc, i was looking for getzdawl dials but there was chip dials and it was confusing. Anyway, i turn on the heat and now we all have blankets and are cozy. 

And Liam was so cute he said “oh look at my blanket, it has sports on it!” and i was like “yeaaa this was always the blanket growing up where if there was a “boy” at a sleepover (like when was that?) my mom would give him it” 

So now we’re all cozy, and Liam is being sooo sweet. Like i saw i can always tell when he’s super soft and being a cutie, and when he talks to me and is extra nice and worried. 

Like i knew my mom was coming home soon, and i was wondering if we’d have time to pack another bowl before she got here, cause once she did we wouldnt be able to smoke. I remember it was 4:57pm on the clock. But i was also tired and trying to take a nap all day and catch up on sleep. 

So i was like “dammnnn i want to pack another bowl but i dont know if we’ll have time :(” and he was like “aww im sorry Arielle” but not in a patronizing way. Like he wasnt giving a solution but he was so sad to see me sad 3:33. And he would like come up behind me and rub my back and i felt so loved by him. There would be times where we would be standing real close and i slipped my hand into his, and i was nervous that he’d be weird about it. But ne never was and it was just the softest forms of physical touch and we were so cute. 

At one point idk if it was cause something was on tv, but something happened where, i said (about me and bff maybe?) “we don’t have unspoken boundaries or rules that we follow” and Liam was like “UH yes you do” like don’t even play with me rn. And i was like “like what?? what do you mean” and he just gave me a look, like you know. 

Basically he was trying to say, there are boundaries or rules that we have between us that are unspoken but we can’t cross. And i was answering on account of me and bff, saying no we don’t. But then i was like “does he mean just me?” because that i can understand. Obviously we have history, we have boundaries. But i wanted to push the envelope and i was curious if thats what he meant. Because that would mean acknowledging that we have history (which he doesnt do) 

Theennn, i think? bff went home and the family party began. And Liam was still here and everyone was meeting him and EVERYONE WAS LOVING HIM. It was a dreaaammm (literally). Like he was separate from me for little spurts and he was doing so great at talking with people and it made me heart so happy. I knew people were like “are they dating? are they together?” like the babe dream but it sorta didnt matter the title. Like people got it. He wasnt the only one of people i invited hanging around cause we were just friends. 

So then...i think i was so tired and i fell asleep for a little. Like i even remember Liam encouraging me to go lie down cause i had been up and busy for so long and i was exhausted. So i took probably a two hour nap. And when i woke up i hadnt even meant to sleep that long. So i was like....shit where is everyone, wheres Liam. 

And i look out the blue bathroom window. And homies in his car hotboxing with Erikka, Ia, Dalvin, and Phillipe like WHAT. Like okay gang, okay squad but now i have so much fomo, like babe u know i wanna smoke. So it made me anxious to join because duh everyones experiencing him, and getting to know him, and theres no way in hell i wanted to miss that. Like are they talking about me, what is he saying about me!! what is he saying about US. But also im just giddy that hes mending so well with my family and everyones enjoying him. 

So now im texting erikka, and dalvin like how long have you guys been out there, im on my way type beat. I was so jealous. 

And im putting on shoes and a jacket to get out there, and i can’t find what im gonna where. 

Next thing i remember is somehow talking to dalvin, and he was crossed but he said he was talking to Liam and HE SAID “So are you gonna marry my sister, like whats going on. Marry her pleasseeee” kinda joking kinda not as in, we want you around youre so cool, you have so much weed, be in the family! And he told me Liam was like “nahh nahh” but in bashful shy way. Like not saying no. 

So then i’m like where IS he? So then i see Ia’s on LIVE and shes saying “so my cousin and this guy, when i ask her she says “shes waiting for him to say lets date” and when i ask him he says “hes waiting for her to say lets date” sooooo they obviously both want to be together” 

and im like WHAT, this bitch is live streaming from inside THE HOUSE literally. So i close that and i go in the den and im like WHERES SHANECIA?? ANd then also gigggling like “and wheres Liam?” so i run upstairs ia’s in our walk in closet. 

And im like whats going on?? So she starts talking about Liam like, “okay so you found a guy who’s tough on the outside but soft on the inside” and i am immediately so mushy and giddy wanting to talk about him im like “he’s the sweetest, oh he’s the cutest little bear” and shes like yea but on the outside he’s tough, and im like “HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ARMS, omg have you seen his arms” cause he’d been wearing the blue sweatshirt all day and i didnt know if people saw it. 

And then she was just looking at me for a second, and i paused and went “Liam’s in here isnt he” and all of a sudden he came from behind me and shouted AHHHH scaring me and grabbing me from behind. 

Then.....i woke up? maybe? Happy February 1st. 

[chazzfox]

SO many thoughts on Frozen 2

So I've been doing a lot of thinking on Frozen 2 after reading a lot of other fan ideas, reviews, etc, and rewatching the first movie and basically obsessing myself into an interesting state of mind. I HAVE A LOT TO SAY. I accidentally wrote out a long, long, LONG post so uh, congrats if you read it. SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SURE.

1. My biggest thought by far is in regards to people saying that Elsa found herself in the first movie, and why must she struggle through who she is again? Well...because you don't stop finding yourself, and especially at a young age. I'm 33. I think I got past hurdles in expressing myself and accepting who I am, everything from what were weird interests (to me) and even my own sexuality, three of four damn times. It was annoying. And fascinating. And each time there were deep emotions and investment in it.

Elsa found in the first movie she's not a dangerous monster and that she could exist with and love her sister. That's huge, don't get me wrong! But the anxiety was still there and we still see traces of it in the second movie. It didn't up and vanish no matter how many snow toys she might make children or how many times she skated with Anna. And with that kind of high anxiety, and after years and years and YEARS of locking herself away, she was just at the start of things I'd say by the time the first Frozen ended.

It's totally reasonable, imo, that down the road after finding some acceptance in herself and Anna, she would be wondering WHY she is what she is, where she came from, as there's so much mystery in her life. Her parents left her feeling guilty, lonely, ironically powerless, locked up, and with no damn answers for herself. She needs to find herself.

Arguably, so does Anna. Again, I can make similar arguments for her, lonely in the first movie, not much contact with others, striving so hard to be close to her sister. She achieved the latter admirably, and so her journey to find who she is with access to more of the world is a big deal. She always wants to open a door. And she wants to go through each one with Elsa, which is something that had to be handled at least a little.

Again, you never really stop growing, discovering, and questioning. Elsa may have found a huge, huge part of herself, found why she is there and who she is, but I'm sure she will still struggle a little with her new place in the world. This brings me to another subject -

2. Elsa and Anna now separated. There seems to be a lot of division on this topic, and I get it. I didn't really want them apart either. They really do belong in each other's company. And a note, I don't ship Elsa and Anna, so maybe I've lost some of you here ahaha (I don't really ship anyone though). I love their close cuddly sister relationship a lot and felt they were absolutely robbed of it for so long which is probably WHY they often hug, hold hands, touch each other, are somehow right with each other.

However...at least for the time being I think it's also important for their growth as characters. Elsa and Anna both care for Arendelle, but Elsa didn't feel she was 'meant' to be there, so to force herself there for her sister could be damaging when understandably, she would want to understand more about the spirits and the forest that gifted her mother with her. She is a part of the forest, of the Ahtohallan. And to force herself into a role she isn't dedicated to wouldn't be in Arendelle's best interest, so she wouldn't want that either. Elsa has shown she needs that understanding of her role, needs to be where she feels right, somewhere that speaks to her, and for now that is in the forest with the Northuldra people.

Anna loves Arendelle, loves the people, and to ask her to stay in a place where she doesn't belong wouldn't be right either. Sure, part of probably just nodded and said yes because Elsa proposed the split, but Anna also learned that she can do what can be done without her sister. Thinking her sister was dead, she still put on foot in front of the other and achieved her goal of destroying the dam. I do believe for now just the knowledge of knowing Elsa is alive and thriving is enough for her to feel happy.

They also see each other. That much is left clear to us and it's not a long journey for Elsa lol. Probably not for Anna either when Elsa can guide wind, earth and water to help. ...Fire too but yea lol.

They are apart just enough. Elsa can still drop in and have Anna cuddle her to sleep while Kristoff does...idk...talks with Sven. For as many cuddle nights as I imagine those two have had, Kristoff is a pretty chill dude.

3. The parents. Hooboy the parents. A very valid criticism is that Elsa and Anna's parents treated Elsa totally mcfreaking WRONG and yet so much centers around them, and then suddenly Elsa is dueting with her momma in Ahtohallan and crying.

Yea there's some confusing emotions going on there.

The girls loved their parents a lot regardless of if they really messed up. I am sure Elsa didn't know how to feel but didn't want to lose them as she already felt alone and hidden. The topic has come up that her dad knew the forest, her mom was FROM THE FREAKIN PLACE, so how did they mishandle so badly?

Panic, I think. I view it as a lot of panic, for many reasons. Anna being hurt was the primary one, but I wondered if they thought it could indeed lead to the forest waking up and causing trouble. They didn't expect magic outside the forest, didn't know what impact it could have and Iduna never exactly counted on having Elsa as she was.

I don't think they were bad people. Just unprepared and I kind of think this is how it went down with Ahtohallan as well. I posted about this before but I feel like...her parents weren't able to cross, not even her mom, because of how they squandered their gift. They took something wonderful and locked her away, made her conceal and hide from the spirits that wanted to connect with her. So when they decided to sail off and find answers and leave the girls alone, the spirits said "nope, you messed up, you don't get to come in here" and down went their ship.

But to complete Elsa there had to be something, they had to connect her with her mother's heritage and tie her to her meaning in the world. So, Ahtohallan showed her Iduna. Her parents loved her and if there's one major theme in these movies and characters it is the power of love along with self acceptance. Love is what brought Elsa as she was into the world! And that strong emotion and realization resonated, so we see Iduna as a large key.

Whoosh, Im getting tired, and I'm pretty sure I have more to say...but I'll craft that more later.

Some of my leftover thoughts right now are pretty short...I feel Elsa was displayed as ace, but that really depends on the viewer anyway. As much as I would love to see Honeymaren and Elsa, the brief snippets in the movie don't do it for me, but I am sort of relieved to see Elsa having a friend. She deserves a friend that isn't her sister or her sister's fiance or a...snowman. I'm not sure she really tried to bond with anyone in Arendelle, being that she was still sorting her life out after the events of the first movie.

But maybe there will be some more releases of official material, and we'll see. I just hope some of the absolute hate for Kristoff and Anna stops. I'm not overly into it, it's just kind of a boring dynamic to me right now, but not every romantic relationship is super exciting and stuff. They fit well and we see that Kristoff's first words to her after being lost in the woods are "I'm here. What do you need?" He's a good guy, stop hatin' on him.

Oh! That brings me to another thought though - I read a couple of posts where others felt he interrupted Elsa and Anna's moment at the end of the movie. I couldn't disagree more! Elsa didn't display any negative emotion toward it. I think she was happy for her sister, wanting her as happy as she could be in that moment, and the proposal added right in. Anna had felt alone and at her rope's end in the cave, then she got her sister back and after running off on him sort of, Kristoff proposing. Elsa saw her sister elated. And Anna got to have her sister as part of that momentous life event!

Besides, Kristoff is one of those Elsa counts as everyone she's ever loved within those walls. When they met again she embraced him too. I think Elsa was happy to have family again, have it fuller and to know someone she trusts will be there with Anna as she rules. Kristoff's a silly character and it's hard not to write him off when he's alongside such bright stars as Elsa and Anna, but he has a good, solid role. He belongs and so did that part of the moment.

Ugh, and I thought I was tired before...

Guess this is where I wrap this up!

Please, if any of you want to talk about this, even to disagree, don't hesitate to drop an ask or message. I don't want anyone to think I'm actively crapping on their interpretation - this is how it came across to me and after my third viewing I was finally able to get this written. If you didn't like the ending, that's okay, and if you ship Elsa and Anna, Kristoff and Ryder, Elsa and Honeymaren, Olaf and Gale, you do you and follow your shippy heart.

As for me I'mma hit post and get some cake.

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Do you remember?

😳 I don’t think you remember the “exact moment” I felt a spark for you. You A.D.D. mf)

But yea, I had a crush on you since then.

I made a sad cover of “Sprung” by T-Pain the night that I realized I actually did like you. And that I was ok with it. I had finally accepted it. I fell for my coworker who was already in a relationship. But that was late of January 2019.

I think we had this conversation in December.

Right around the end of Fall Semester at the college bookstore.

I remember I walked over to the unofficial, packing table that was placed right before you to get to the bookshelves of all this many textbooks that I never gave a fuck about.

We were unpacking boxes of school supplies for inventory with a few others.

I started grabbing some boxes while you said “Hey, what's up?”

And Then I probably awkwardly, “Alright, How’s it going?”

I don’t know why I was nervous around you. Probably because this was our only other time we had to talk other than those last 2 that made me very uncomfortable and confused. 

(I used to be so jittery around that time, because I hated being the newbie, in a new place with a bunch of people I didn’t know. I was shy, silent, observant and goofy awkward if someone tried to talk to me. I avoided being in view of conversations because I hated being in the center of attention. It was too uncomfortable. )

Convo #1

The first day we met, was my training day with another new girl named Nicole.

I had asked you and her for your names as I introduced myself

And I noticed your voice was a lot deeper than I expected it to be? Compared your soft white-like pale skin. I thought you were Latino-mixed. I had no idea that you were black, too. (omgg this sounds so racist typing this shit out loud lmaooo wtf) You kinda sounded similar to my cousin Joq, who’s a firefighter.

I seemed a bit taller than you, but your brown hair was kinda cute. It was like a curly top with a faded cut on both sides. Your natural Brown hair was my favorite on you. Cause’ sometimes I saw speckles of light brown, gold, and grey when you were outside or took pictures in the sunlight. You seemed chill, and you had these cute fluffy cheeks like they were freshly made dough covered in baker’s flour. Like right before they toss it up in the air to make it bounce.

Plus, I didn’t know if you were a girl or a boy. Or just a girl, who like dressing up like a tomboy. Because you had very pretty eyes. And I didn't notice any facial hair.....but no I wasn't looking hard at your face. It was just stuff I remembered to look back on later on that day. I didn’t want to ask, because one, thats none of my business and two, I couldn’t make eye contact with you. It just didn’t seem right at the time. I glanced, but not too hard because eye contact still makes me uncomfortable to this very day.

I had asked you if you could show me how to clock-in, how to post a timeline thing for the store’s facebook out of curiosity because I saw you do one, and I didn’t know how to put the size tags on the hooks of the hangers....which was new to me too. You seemed a lil tight lipped, so I probably thought I should stop asking you for help. I didn’t know you preferred being called “they” until that one girl with shaved head, I think Jordan, had answered my question about you being a guy or a girl. I wanted to know, but I wondered if I was like that, I would have assumed someone was being too nosy or judgmental. So I didn't speak to you about it until later. Also, you had a very intimidating smile. Maybe it was because I had never seen you smile with your teeth out unless it was because you were laughing at a joke I made or something weird I said.

Convo #2

I don’t know how it started, but I was readjusting clothes to put back onto their hangers and I saw you were in between register 2 and 3. This was the first time I had found out you had a girlfriend....who also worked at the same store....fucking kill me.

Because she started to walk in, and then you yelled to me, “Do you got a bae?” from across the counter I was standing at. And I said “Huh? No”

In my head, Im like why are you asking me that? But then as she came into your view you said “Cuz I got a bae.” And she came behind the register where you were at to clock in and you ignored me and greeted her with a kiss. Then you pointed at her and said to me “That’s my bae.” 

And I looked at you so confused like....you fucking weirdo.

And this all happened within a span of like 8 seconds or so....

It was like you were so curious to know if I was single or not, because later on you had asked me again like as if you had forgot, 

“Do you got a bae?” 

“No.”

But you said it so quick it was like weird because it was in passing that you asked me that again. Like how could you forget that you asked me that? And why were you asking me that if you had a girlfriend already? Were you trying to set me up with someone else? I didn’t want any trouble with you, so I kinda backed off from you because one, I barely even knew you to have that kinda question answered. But me being in shock that you asked, made me blurt out no....like nooo wtf I wasn’t supposed to answer. I used to stick to my morals, tough.

OK>>>SO BACK TO WHEN MY CRUSH STARTED

We were unpacking boxes, greetings...

You asked me “Where you from?” And somehow we were talking about how weird and thirsty it was for Bella to make a set of her phone number out on paper for her to pass to all these college guys. You said it was because she liked getting guy’s attention. And I said yea with all those business cards. 

And then somehow the topic of Bella’s sexuality had us talking about our own. 

You had asked me if I was gay and I hesitantly said, “I wasn’t sure.” Cause I wasn’t sure if I wanted people know that I was at least bicurious because of my mom. My dad eh.... I was more afraid of her ever finding out. Also, because I honestly never quite had the chance to officially know, I had only looked at certain girls in that certain way unless I had gotten to know them a little better, if I already knew they was gay, or I was just watching lesbian porn. I especially like tongue kissing videos the most. Idk why tongue sucking make out vids was such a clit boner for me. Especially when they suck each others....hold up back to the story 🤣.

But then, you told me that the first time you lost virginity was in third grade. You said “I think about sex all the time.”

And this is where I said “Oh,” because it wasn’t like you were casually saying this. Your eyes changed. 

They grew so full, so big and so dark, I didn't even know why you were looking at me like that and how the fuck did you make me so fucking scared and aroused all at the same time. Like I said “eye contact makes me uncomfortable” (It was an adrenal thing...I think. Lets just say anxiety for rn.)

Especially when it looks like a big, bad wolf wants to see what you taste like.

You walked away to go help a customer, but as you came back you asked “so are you a virgin?” and I said “Huh?”

I was still short stiff with a clit boner that I tried to make go away, how else was I supposed to feel??? I was like oohhhhhh shittttt are we gay? I don’t even know what exactly “they” are.

I noticed you started to stare at me a little bit too longer than you should have been looking at my face, but I could understand why now. You knew.

You knew that I was attracted to you.

And my flushed cheeks would not go down as you kept looking at me when we talked. I think thats when we got separated again, because boss told me to start helping people in the aisles.

I looked at you differently after,

I didn’t know what made me pulse up like that for you, because I rarely got clit boners. I thought it was a sign, because it was blinking. Just like my heart was beating.

Looking back on it now, you probably were praying on me, since I was a virgin. You told me way later on that you liked sex with virgins. How come I didn’t runaway after you said that?....I was a blind fool for those eyes. 

Fuck. 

I ignored all those red flags lol. You know what's even more weirder, I just realized you set that story up 1st to ask me if I was a virgin first, then you asked me if I was gay. But then again, I did mention “what would you say is another word for vagina?” I said “blossom😊” and you said “blossom🤨?” 

Cause of course, the only pussy I’ve seen was on porn, but I didn’t watch them “up-close masturbation” videos until after we....😳 

How dumb, innocent, and naive I must have been.

I had a hard time accepting my crush for you because you were my 1st gay crush. I came out the closet for you. Over Christmas break, I had to rationalize what it all meant: do we have romantic feelings? do we care if you had a dick, pussy, or none (because you were nonbinary, but I still wanted you), do we care if this crush never comes out because you had a girlfriend? How desperate was I to kiss you? I had never kissed someone outside my gender...I had only kissed one guy that I found out was my cousin at 16. I was 22 and never had a real kiss, still a virgin, still in the closet....at my mom’s house.

My insecurities were through the roooofff and my overthinking made me hesitant to even consider ever ever ever ever telling you...because 2019 was about to start and we were about to get let off as temp workers. I thought maybe I should just let it go because you started working somewhere else and I never saw you at the store for awhile.

Even when boss ended your term 1st, I was so sad, so emotional because I never got to hang out with you like that. We used to play tag with the note clips on people’s shirts, and I used to crack jokes about Brian’s hair patch. It was fun, but I was ready to give up until I saw you at your last day. 

I wanted to help you out, but you said you got it when you were putting up calculators. In my head, I was like noooo, let me help you out. Its your last day, how else am I going to see you again? You didn't even have a facebook or instagram with your name, I checked 1st 🥺. I thought maybe it was supposed to be short lived like a crush...until I had my 1st dream about you and I was like ohhhh hellllll nahhhh. Its a sign bitch, go. 

So I got you and your gf number off the employee directory list boss had for us to contact each other in case we wanted to trade shifts. 

I texted something similar to you like “hey, just wanted to say goodbye to you since I didn't get the chance...”

(which was true because I said goodbye to you the day you came back in to get your scarf, and then you left. Without saying anything back to me out the door. I thought maybe my voice was too soft...or you just didn’t like me as a person..... 😔)

“Just wanted to say it was nice working with you. Maybe I’ll see you around campus?”

But you must have left me on read because I didn't hear nothing back for 2weeks until your gf invited me and some coworkers to go bowling late in January...right around this time. I was the only one that showed up like lol wtf. 

I felt like an idiot after we started talking about Taylor.

Thats when I heard my head’s dark side say “BINGO”

Because I had no idea you two were having a threesome with her. In fact I was a little bit jealous that you two were seemed so close as friends...compared to you and I. But I thought it was weird when Bella asked you about if she should hook up with Taylor, you said “Nah, she a little too crazy for you.”

That shoulda been my hint.

Cause’ you even talked about looking at other girls with Key, and I became jealous and insecure then too,

Because Key, looked like a fucking bulldog. Why tf would you want to have sex with her? (my jealous petty thoughts...smh) I looked wayyyyy prettier than her. I thought I should have been the more worthy one to have ben chosen.

I thought you must have liked skinny girls to have liked Taylor like that.

And yea...that me fall down in my esteem too. Sighhhhhh, I thought she must have been lucky to have been picked by you.

Ewwww why am I going goo-goo-ga-ga all over again.

What still rattles me up to this day is...why was I so jealous of your “sub-slutstitues” and not your actual girlfriend? I never understood that. 

Was it because me and her were actually starting to become friends and I wasn’t bothered by you and her’s chemistry. It was weird af for me, because usually I would have scowled at someone who was with someone I wanted. 

But I guess I actually liked her too,

Which made this last part pretty hard to accept.

That I was a bad friend to her too,

I had only became friends with her to get closer to you, but in the process I wanted her to stay too. We were comfortable with each other and I never experienced being comfortable with intimacy with another woman like her. She made me feel calm, but in a different way than you did. She made me calm like a mother would...like I was a motherless child.

That touch that I had been so longing for, was right there.

And I knew it, after she kissed me. There was no going back. Like I’m right here for both of you now. Not just one.

It was sad, comforting, and rejuvenating all at the same time. 

You guys sparked a light in me that I knew I had, but was afraid to light it because of what other people wanted me to be. I never knew that I could make my own choices and do as I pleased because I was always in my mother’s spotlight. And so they became home in my heart and she became my ease of pain.

Maybe I just didn't want to be alone. But I swear, something felt different between you guys and I was so close to proposing us throuple rings. But thats not what she wanted....nuh uh.

Something changed after that 1st lil passionate moment.

Its like she didn’t want me, I was just using you to have some fun.

What I thought was true, wasn't true at all.

And just like that she became my mother. And just like my real mother, I hate her all over again. 

I thought how could you be with someone who was so cold and bitter?

She never liked me, she was emotionally unavailable.

Thats why my heart didn’t go ding for her like it did for you. It was like she was always gone, but she was always there.

[the-rxven-king]

its like super late so im gonna post this cause i KNOW all my irl friends are good beans and not on here rn unlike myself but like

slknfkjfsng i mentioned to one of my friends today that i was getting back into working on campaign stuff (its been a while since we kinda put them down during the summer since none of us really truly had the time to meet up like we usually did when schedules were more set in stone) and they were like

“dude weve been playing your campaign for almost a year now and that just seems like too long for d&d we need to speed this up a bit yknow”

and i just kinda stopped for a second like oh my god what cause even if its been almost a year im like you gotta account for like... the fact that we didnt have a session every weekend and we had like only one in the summer time??? like it hasnt actually technically been that long. plus were at like... the halfway point for what my original idea was. and i was trying to shorten things up a bit anyway in regards to how long they stay in one place doing one thing, but i guess that wasnt enough

plus i have... plot stuff that still needs to be covered i cant rush anything if i want it to be good or else its going to be shit. so now im walking next to them like a fuckin idiot with this smile that probably hopefully read “yea i agree with you” and just nodding cause what the fuck do i say to that??? i mean i know i said something but i barely remember what happened after they said that before i like... idk i completely left my body for the rest of that period and the next

and its been killing me all day because like. idk if anyone else who follows me is a dm whos writing/written their own campaign but like i think theyd kinda get it but. its my heart and soul. never have i ever worked on a project so fully and intently and completely as my d&d campaign. its so important to me. i have worked so hard on it and im continuing to work hard on it so that its fun, interesting, engaging, and an overall good time. i work hard to make it flexible so my players can do what they want, and challenging so they dont forget that even tho its fun to be able to do whatever you want, you could quite possibly die if you do that yknow. 

so its left me kinda feeling like... confused and hurt and empty??? like i dont know what they meant by that. like were they just being like wow its been a while dude!!! or were they trying to very subtly tell me theyre tied of my campaign and just want it over with??? or were they just trying to tell me that doing something different might be nice even if they like my campaign and think its good and would like it to continue????

i dont know how to feel about it, and i feel like im over reacting which is stupid of me to do but im stupid and useless and boring so its not like thats unexpected of me, but i made... cuts to my campaign. there were things i wanted to do and things i wanted to get through, but no. i cut them out. i guess i never really needed them anyway, like i never needed most of the fuckin garbage shit ive been putting out there apparently, and ill have to make due.

im just... really disheartened now. i remember the pg group expressing how wed all miss doing d&d together once pg was over and i was 1000% gonna offer to do my campaign with them so we could keep playing together, but now i think i wont. its too long. they probably wont like it.

im probably just gonna write what i can and figure out the rest as we go, because apparently i need to keep things short and sweet now. im gonna try not to be a disappointment in the process, although i already feel like one to myself and i havent even tried to write anything based on the changes ive made.

maybe im not as great at this as i thought. fuck.

[hoebagbasicbitch]

the sweetest omegle convo i’ve ever had

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like the regrettes.

You: hi!

Stranger: hiii

You: skjakjf my search for the regrettes has never turned up anything until now

You: im so excitel lol

Stranger: RIGHT

Stranger: same

Stranger: wait are u from twitter lmao

You: we are a small but proud fanbase

You: no i am not

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: even crazier then

Stranger: so true

You: do u have any other socials

Stranger: I have insta! what's urs

You: phoebelink.art

You: hbu? i'll follow u

Stranger: omg I love ur acc

Stranger: I just followed u <3

You: thanks!

Stranger: :))))

You: don't be alarmed if i start peeping thru ur posts to see what other music u listen to i'm desperae for new artists

Stranger: omg no ur ok!!

Stranger: do u want rec

Stranger: recs

You: love them but u can only listen to the regrettes and swmrs for so long

You: yes pls!

Stranger: do u...like wallows

You: yes

You: they are coming to my state in august for a festival and i'm so excited

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait what fest is in august

Stranger: I thought they were all earlier

You: hinterlands

Stranger: where's that

You: it is mostly country music but there's some indie shit

You: it's in iowa so it's all hicks lol but i will suffer to we wallows live

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: why have I not heard about this

Stranger: im so confused rn

You: idk

You: it's a smaller sort of festival and it's like in a cornfield

Stranger: damn

Stranger: im bout to go

You: bet lol

Stranger: im like the biggest wallows stan its so bad

You: ahaha

You: the real question is did it happen before or after 13 reasons whyg?

Stranger: when I stanned?

You: ya

Stranger: they actually didn't even become wallows until right after 13rw

Stranger: but

You: oh whoops

Stranger: it was after, but I've never even seen it

You: got it that's more what i meant lol

Stranger: I started liking them through a mutual friend

You: valid

Stranger: if u have never seen them, they're the best

You: i'm not a stan but i do really like their music

You: i have not seen them live but i'm a huge regrettes stan

Stranger: gotcha

Stranger: as u should be

Stranger: tbh maybe Lydia will go!

You: i fucking hope

Stranger: she goes to a lot of shows w them

Stranger: bro

Stranger: speaking of her

Stranger: at my wallows show last month I like saw her and waved at her n then she came and sat behind me

You: WHAT

Stranger: like literally. right behind me

Stranger: and I was too scared to say anything

Stranger: :)

Stranger: every time she would laugh she'd like laugh in my ear

Stranger: cutest laugh ever bro

Stranger: her and

Stranger: whoops

You: i saw her live in cleaveland this summer and if corona doesn't cancel it i intend to see them when they tour with the struts

Stranger: wait

Stranger: when is that happening

You: this summer

You: their site has all the dates

Stranger: wtf

Stranger: I didn't know they had us dates

You: they updated it i think cause coachella is getting moved im pretty sure

You: they're just opening but i am for sure buying pit tickets and i will ahve to learn to love the struts haha

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait

Stranger: theres only like 3 dates

You: if they cancelled i will be very sad

Stranger: :( which one are u supposed to go to

Stranger: thats how I feel about my wallows shows, I think they're gonna be postponed/cancelled

You: the one on may 31

You: for me it is still on the site

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: that might be ok

Stranger: I think wallows cancelled their show for may 31

Stranger: they took itoff their website but haven't said anything

You: hmmm

You: we must hope for the best i guess

You: a mosh pit does seem like a prime place to catch corona tho lmao

Stranger: tbh I don't care

Stranger: which is probably bad

Stranger: but lile

You: it would be worth it

Stranger: idk my only happiness comes from touring so

You: yeah i have plenty of bands who i love but they kind of stay in place they don't really tour

Stranger: damn really

You: and unfortunataly i don't live in cali so i can't ever see them live

Stranger: felt

Stranger: I wish I lived in cali so bad

You: and that's on only liking grunge surf punk bads

Stranger: were u like a stan when they did the Fonda show afterparty homecoming thing

Stranger: I've never had such bad fomo in my life

You: i don't think so

Stranger: oh my god

Stranger: it was crazy

You: usually i don't like concerts cause they make me disociate lol but i just let it happen for lydia night

Stranger: oh shit really

Stranger: I love shows

You: no like they are very fun

You: it just is like an out of body experience haha

Stranger: damn

Stranger: idk I never have that

You: it's like an anxiety thing i think

You: it just happens it's kinda odd

Stranger: it's weird I have like bad anxiety about most things but somehow I have like none at concerts

Stranger: like im just the best possible version of myself idk

You: i feel that

You: like in certain situtions i definitely just don't feel it at all

Stranger: right

You: there are so many bands i would give a limb to see live thouhg

You: like one of my all-time favs is SWMRS ugh love them

Stranger: yupppppp I love

You: and hot flash heat wave opened for the regrettes when i saw them live

You: so good

Stranger: omg stop

Stranger: im jealous

You: but i have a whole list of bands to see live on my bucket list

Stranger: I feel like I've lucked out and I've seen almost all of the people I want to see

Stranger: well like all of my favorites

You: that's nice

Stranger: that being said im crazy so I like to see people 5+ times but

You: my main thing is i'm kind of new to the genre like only been super into it for two years but

You: that is still fun tho

Stranger: oh gotcha

Stranger: wait how old are u

You: 16

Stranger: oh and u said u live in Iowa right so I feel like maybe not a lot of people go there

Stranger: aw ur baby

You: ahaha

You: the alt scene is very dead here

Stranger: true

Stranger: tbh no one comes to my state either

Stranger: bc its so far out of the way

You: what kind of area are u in

Stranger: florida

You: ah

You: so the opposite of cali lmao

Stranger: yup

Stranger: yet im prob gonna go to cali when wallows have a show there

Stranger: lmao

You: wirth it

Stranger: yes

Stranger: I also might go for harry styles but idk yet

You: he's coming to iowa i think but i might b wrong

Stranger: omg really

Stranger: u should go

You: yeah we have a fat arena but i don't think i can afford tickets

Stranger: :(

You: i don't have a job RIP and i;m not getting one anytime soon cause all the businesses are closed

Stranger: damn yea I felt that

Stranger: I do have a job but im not going rn

Stranger: like im making them leave me off the schedule

You: probably smart

Stranger: bc im so scared of getting my mom sick

You: yeah that would be shitty

Stranger: yup

You: my mom works for the school district that i go to and my dad works from home so we are all chillin but that prolly sucks

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yeah thats good

Stranger: my whole family is staying home

You: we don't have a stay in place order yet but we haven't left the house in weeks basically either

You: my school is about to get cancelled too

You: it's just not good for anyone

Stranger: about to??

Stranger: is it not cancelled yet

You: well spring break got extended to april 13 but the superintendent is making an announcement on friday apparently

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yea here it's closed until the end of the year

You: its tough for us cause we are supposed to go online but our district can't afford it

You: like we need to close but only 40% of kids have internet acess

You: so they can't

Stranger: oh fuck

Stranger: idk :/

You: i'm lucky to have it tho

You: me wasting my precious internet acess on talking to adults on omegle lmao

Stranger: LMAO

Stranger: treu

Stranger: true

Stranger: oh well

You: i just want to relive middle school while i'm quarantined ya know

You: i was not monitored as a child bahabha

Stranger: omg

Stranger: same

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: I used to be on here all the time

You: like how am i not dead

You: genuinely thinking about all the shit i did in like 2012,,, what??

You: who let me near the family computer and then just didn't look over my shoulder

You: anyway i should probs go to sleep

You: it was nice talking to you tho!

Stranger: omg u too!!!!

Stranger: sorry it took me forever to respond

Stranger has disconnected.

[headcanons-everywhere]

thats luego

luego satona

hes gay / pan (nobody rlly figures out which. hes just in general Rlly Into Dudes) and he was one of the people in blu's friend group when blu was a human

and uh

ali ve

witnessed / indirectly caused blu's death (the entire group did but he feels the most guilty over it)

he had a crush on (imma call him blu until i figure out his human name btw ahA) blu even tho he knew blu was straght

he jokingly gives luego shit for it

like lue making kissy noises and acting like hes about to amother blu in love and blus just like "eW BRO STOP!!! KISSING IS GROSS UGH"

but he doesnt care if one of his best friend's gay or pan or w/e as long as he finds someone hes happy with

but blus just personally grossed out by affection in general so thats where the 'giving him shit for it' comes in, ie: laughing in faux-disgust while shoving lue's face away bc luegos still tryina sneak in n smooch him just to ruffle his feathers

stuff like that :)

tho after blu died

well

lemme copy paste

it woNT SEND

[hes tall

n blu uh

is sort of?

luego is def taller tho

kappital - 11/15/2017

hows he feelin about

dead boy

manic pixie dream tarantula - 11/15/2017

dunno the exact relationship yet so idk how hed react but

he was definitely Upset the night it happened

esp since im thinkin he was one of the ones joking like "bro ur gonna fuckin hurt urself" n such bc he was geuinly like "IDK IF THIS IS A GOOD IDEA GUYS" but was playing cool abt it

kappital - 11/15/2017

:0

manic pixie dream tarantula - 11/15/2017

but when blu died from whatever happened (it was an instant accident kinda deal, like a stumble+fall or smthin) and everyone kinda freaked n left, luego was the last one to leave

bc he geuinly didnt know what to do n so he hung back just staring in horror and trying to think of some other option until the grouo called back like "dUDE LETS GO" or smthin n he judt made a rlly frustrated / upset noise before glancing over one last time apologetically / "this is so fucked" kinda look at blu n then turning to run with the rest

bc they knew if police or smthin showed up thered be a fuckton of trouble for them since they prolly had a p bad reputation around town anyways, so itd def look like a crime rather than an accident

so they just

ran

but luego was def one of the ones most fucked up by it tho

he felt rlly nauseated n guilty for a long time afterwards, even after all the rlly bad emotional stuff

kappital - 11/15/2017

thats fucking intense

ive had dreams like that thats scary

manic pixie dream tarantula - 11/15/2017

yE AH

but today like, at this very moment idk where hes at or what hes up to

that im still figuring out

or if hes even still around ngl

but after that most of the group splintered off into being rlly upset with one another n he was prolly the angriest out of the group bc he was the closest one emotionally w/ blu

so thats fun :) ]

OH there we go

:)

he tried to uh

take himself out a few times but after a few failed attempts he was just like "fuck it this is stupid anyways. ill just. idk, ill try to...make the best of it. or something." n thats how he lived to where he is today

openly gay/pan, lived a slightly lavish life style that he liked to show off, drank socially but even then not that muvh bc alcohol is personally gross to him but its a good way to loosen up at big events or w/e

manic pixie dream tarantula - Last Thursday at 1:00 PM

i flip between present n past tense when typing accidently bc techincally "today" / "current" luego uh

died around 20 yrs or so b4 blu was summoned by alexander back into the human world

like he lived a full life n shit but died from some heart problems later in life

but he was p emotionally repressed abt what happened

wouldnt get much out of him unless you openly prodded him about him a lot

like sat him down n seriously tried to pull smthin out of him

but aside from that he was a p content guy :)

also sprry if the messages are fucked, wifi is awful out here aAAAAA

manic pixie dream tarantula - Last Thursday at 2:21 PM

but ye thats a summary of luego for ya

:)))

all his earrings on both ears are diff

no two are the same

n they all have a special meaning to them

OH also

all his earrings on both ears are diff

no two are the same

that all sent out of order omfg

manic pixie dream tarantula - Last Thursday at 5:56 PM

oK im back on good wifi i tjink :)

goo - Last Thursday at 8:37 PM

i've read some of this but it's been a busy day so i'm sorry i'm not ignoring you i just want to get home and read it there so i can elaborate my thoughts and questions to you haha

manic pixie dream tarantula - Last Thursday at 8:37 PM

no no dude ur ok

leila gave me a glimpse of what happened (like a chat screenshot between yall) bc she was askin if u were mad or upset or smthin

i kno ur not ignoring me n im honestly just hopin (if i have the story right??) whichever dog got the weed stuff on accident n ended up with leg spasms is doin ok!!

goo - Last Thursday at 8:40 PM

nah bandit just passed out from weed but miracle got the spasms and he'll be fine it's the usual for him

manic pixie dream tarantula - Last Thursday at 8:40 PM

oH OK

shit man thats still def stressful if at least on some level ahA

glad they sound likr theytr gonna be ok n shit

[isaacathom]

im figuring for most of the game Rhia ONLY refers to Jun as ‘my uncle’ - she doesnt refer to him by name. you can figure out that she means Jun through his own dialogue and through interactions with Lyndelle, who Rhia says is her cousin. and Lyndelle speaks quite openly about her father and how much she aspires to be just like him, and how much he inspires Rhia, too. so when you eventually meet Jun in relation to Team bullshit, and he’s friendly and kind, you go ‘ooohhhhh thats her uncle, right’.

the main reason she does it is because shes paranoid about accidentally incriminating him. when shes berating Elliot for leaving her behind, and describing in detail what occured after she left, she’s fully aware that if she says his name, and then FAILS to stop Elliot and the player (and Zeke, iirc) from leaving, they might report his connections. its a VERY weak defence, admittedly, given how easy it is to work out who she’s referring to. but theres also the fact that shes NOT related to him. and Elliot, knowing this fact (knowing that she’s Seren, and that her entire family live in Johto and didn’t take her ‘home’), would be unable to connect that dot. Being that he is obsessed with Seren, rather than Rhia. the player knows she means Jun, but the player has also actually met Jun - which Rhia doesn’t know. But they’ve met, and they know that Jun isn’t enthusiastic about Team shit, and only works with them because he is blackmailed and wants to protect his family.

so. yknow. if she just says ‘her uncle’, theres room for interpretation. its vague enough. plus, if you actually go to HER records, the records of Rhia Stanton, you will not find Jun Zhang anywhere. he’s her step uncle. instead you will find Patrick’s family, and the family of her ‘mother’. who i think, for shits and gigs, dont have any brothers. that’d be funny. someone investigating Rhia’s ‘uncle’ claims would actually have to look a long way into her records to find a man who could match that description. ofc in reality they’d just ask Jun because that’s her home address now but like, yknow. they share no blood, both in general and as far as her legal records are concerned. so. yknow. someone trying to be covert and investigate Rhia would have to put a lot of extra effort to find this info.

idk i think itd be fun if Rhia’s going on her long tirade explaining the time between her being assaulted and Jun finding her and speaking in these vague terms. not in any overt hilarious way, i just think itd be cool for her to do. then, of course, once shits all cleared, he’s just Jun. well, ok, she alternates, because she does feel a genuine familial attachment to Jun and Bronwyn and Lyndelle, and terms like ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’ and ‘cousin’ are vague enough that it can describe how she feels while not NECESSARILY necessitating blood ties. its a cute thing. initially it was part of her cover story, calling them auntie and uncle (and then mostly just calling Lyndelle by name), but at one point Rhia would’ve just slipped and called Jun ‘uncle’ in private and honestly it probably made him cry. and shes fretting and apologising and saying ‘fuck fuck i meant Jun sorry’ and hes all ‘no no its fine.... you can call me uncle if you want.’ and shes like ‘wait, really?????’ ‘absolutely, Rhia. if you want to!’ and she cries too. Bronwyn comes downstairs to find them hugging and crying and shes just ‘did i walk in on something?? do you want me to give you a minute’ and they both laugh reallyyyy awkwardly and theres a silence, before Rhia goes ‘heyyyyyy uuhhhhhh i had a question..... am i allowed to call you auntie????’ and bronwyns very confused about what exactly brought this on, looks at Jun, looks back at Rhia, back at Jun, and it clicks and she goes ‘oooooohhhhhhhhhhh. oooohhhh. you mean actually?’ and rhia nods and bronwyn goes ‘well, you do already, dont you? why not! :)’ and its just a big fun time.

then lyndelle also walks in and is INCREDIBLY confused. what the fuck is happening. why is everyoe laughing and crying and hugging and shit. did something happen???????? it is an incredily weird time.

uhhhhh point is she means it sincerely but not in a blood tie way and its also juuuuuuussssttt vague enough that she doesnt give anything away when shes trying to keep shit secret. of course, if pressed in a normal situation, she’d tell you exactly who ‘uncle’ is, the talented Dr Jun Zhang, but in any remotely crime-y shit, you wont get a peep.

so i guess she just always calls him uncle? maybe after the whole team/org blows over, she switches to ‘Uncle Jun’, rather than just uncle? that’d be kinda cute.

im not sure exactly when shed start sincerely calling then family, though. she has like 8 years to figure that out. it certainly wasnt in the first year or so - she was still mixed in that time. at some point, certainly.

the same sort of terms follow for Jun and Bronwyn too. Bronwyn probably took a little longer - mostly because she had slightly less history with Rhia than Jun did - but both of them feel very close to her and refer to her as their niece on a few occasions. Jun especially. mostly because meeting Jun is actually required for story progression, so IF he mentioned his family at all, itd be in vague terms. because just like Rhia, he really doesnt want to tie them into his business. he hates this business, why would he want them connected? so its just ‘my niece’ not ‘my niece, rhia, that cop whose been sorta bothering you the whole game’. YOU know, obviously, the player knows thats probably whats happening. which is probably also the point where you should be going ‘hang on......... her uncles in the evil team??? does she know???’ and it should cause people to think twice. ideally between meeting Jun in a team context and the tower sequence the player should see her again - presumably to insert the whole Seren thing which ive technically retconned out of existence but still needs to occur i guesssss - and she should seem especially suss in that instance. in fact, yea, having that be the point where she asks you to ask elliot about Seren makes sense, and should look INCREDIBLY shifty. like, whyyy cant she just ask him herself? why do you have to do it? what does that mean? theres probably been minor hints about it throughout the game, and there IS a cemetery why you can find graves for both her parents AND a grave for Seren with only her DOB and an end year. and Zeke probably actually knows about it, even if he didnt know Seren personally (given the age difference - he’s older than the player but younger than Rhia, being that he is like.... 17??? which is 6 years younger than her and anywhere from 2-5 older than you. idk. there would be minor info sprinkled about Seren throughout the game, to the point where the player COULD fill in the blanks about what the fuck is happening themselves. to a point, anyway. like, hmm.... so Seren was Elliot’s charge, and vanished, and now this girl who is roughly how old she’d be now is asking me to ask Elliot about her...... hmmmm. and the player might click it. the details, about how he abandoned her, come out only from Rhia herself in her tirade against Elliot. what Elliot tells you is slightly different. ooh, thats a bit, actually.

how Rhia recounts the events and how Elliot does is vastly different. mostly because they drastically diverge at a point, but also in terms of what they recount in that similar lead up. Rhia talks about how shifty the plan was, how he made her wait while he spoke to the gym leaders before coming to get her, how they were on their own despite the other groups being fairly large and proportionally uneven, how she ended up leading the way down the corridor (of her own arrogance, but her point is that He didnt stop her). Elliot talks about her boundless enthusiasm to take part, her insistence, his concern that he’d end up disappointing her if the gym leaders found out and subsequently stopped her. and the specific ‘incident’ bit, the description is different too. Elliot doesn’t really go into specifics. its just ‘there were..... complications. i had no choice but to flee’. Rhia instead describes in details how they were grabbed from behind when the corridor opened up abruptly, how the grunts jeered them and held hands over their mouths, how she kicked one of the grunts in the arm so they let Elliot go, how Elliot hesitated for JUST a moment before bolting, silently, down the corridor. that silence is a big part of it, too. Elliot will say to you that he tried to find help, which is true (to a point), but Rhia’s statement makes that seem strange. if he ran silently, how much did he want help? whether he DID actually leave without crying out at all is..... unclear. neither account of events is wholly accurate. the commonalities are true, but the minor parts are based on interpretation. in fact, the ONLY people perhaps equipped to offer an objective view on what happened in the confrontation are the Grunts, who could talk about how Seren crossed the threshold first with a pokeball in hand, and how Elliot passed closely behind without, and how Barny got kicked in the hand and probably later in the face by the flailing Seren, how Smokes followed Elliot down the hall and saw him completely leave the premises, how Tiny Fae later told Jun about Seren. that sorta shit. those are random names i dont even know what the fuck those mean.

i think thatd be a very neat difference. just to emphasise how they both feel about it. how Rhia would highlight the choices available to Elliot (and technically herself, but trust me, that isnt her idea) and how Elliot would highlight how inevitable he felt his choices were, or how he didnt have them.if it isnt obvious i probably agree with Rhia more, though shes a lot less blameless than she makes it out and there is probably more actual manipulation of information in her recounting over Elliots. like yea, both are manipulated to elicit a specific response (sympathy for both, and anger at Elliot in Rhia’s case). but since Rhia is making a point when she’s telling her version, she’s likely slightly twisted parts of it. the emotional impact of the event isnt changed, but some of the physical elements are likely emphasised to make Elliot feel reaaallllllll fucking guilty. like ‘you thought i was dead, but i lived! but in agonising pain for a while and there have been permanent physical and mental repercussions for your actions, asshole!’ what fun! :)

[atiellefilletmignon]

Hard to Explain

Mann Idk what it is but honestly the past few nights I’ve been feeling like I need to let things out. I’m not sure what it is, it has to be something. Don’t get me wrong, I am not sad or depressed or whatsoever. I just feel I need to write. So it’s almost 2am right now and I’m about to write a recap of my life so far.

1996: I was born in the Manila, Philippines. Tondo to be exact. June 4, my mom gave birth to me. Never met my dad, but my mama raised me well. Pretty damn great. 2000: My mom moved to California. The cliche filipinos moving to America to make better money and provide for their family back home. Hey I’m not hating, she had to do what she had to do. 2003: Hmm not sure but I’m guessing this was the year I started 1st grade at Manila Cathedral School. But yes if it was, man I met a lot of people through this school. The system is designed for us to be close to our classmates because we stay with the same 30+ people the whole year. And along with that, there are other batches with the same amount of students. I stayed in this school till 4th grade. In that four years I went through a few good memories. I made friends, and a few of them I considered bestfriends. I can still name a few that I remember, only because I have them as friends on facebook. But hey there’s always this one person from that school that I’ll never forget. My “puppy crush”, thats what they call it I guess. She was my first crush, her name is Abby. I remember getting teased about it almost everyday but I was an innocent little kid so nothing really happened. One reason why I’ll never forget about her is because my mom has our picture framed and its chillin in my living room. Im guessing she shipped us. But thinking about it now maybe catching up with her would be a pretty cool idea. Well we’ll see since I’m going back to the PI this June. So for now, that story is to be continued. 2006: Growing up in the Philippines was fun, no doubt. Since my mom left for LA, I was mainly raised by my lola. I called her mama too. I’ll be honest I was closer to my lola than I was to my own mother but I’m pretty sure everyone understood why. She raised me, protected me, disciplined me, showed me God, and taught me to be respectful. Everyone, pretty much took care of me. I was the favorite nephew, not to be cocky. Until December 2nd of 2006, when My lolo, my lola, and I flew to LA to reunite and live with my mom. A lot of things changed, and it changed really quick. It was almost shocking. 2007: I moved to the US for good, which meant new school, new friends, new culture, and well new everything. My mom sent me to go to St. Martha’s to continue my 4th grade year. She didn’t want to send me to a public school because she didn’t think I was ready. But knowing what I know now, I’m thankful she sent me to go to St. Martha’s because I had some of the best memories there. This is where I met my closest friends specially my best friend. I’m so thankful because they were patient with me, being fob and all they didn’t abandon me. They took me in and treated me as one of them. 2008-2010: School was tough, but I slowly adopted to it. 4th grade, I was very quiet. Didn’t know a lot of english yet. 5th grade, I was still quiet and just went school and home. But came 6th grade I became more comfortable. I started being active, joining sports and other school activities. I was mainly focused on flag football and basketball. But hey it was something. I started talking a lot and making more friends. 2010: This year impacted my life in such a huge and different way. This was the year full of challenges to my family. In the middle of the year my Lola was diagnosed with brain cancer. At that age, I didn’t know what it was or how bad it was until I saw the struggle and the emotions my mom and my other family are showing. My lola fought, and I’m proud of her. But November 3, 2010 my family and I gained an angel. An angel that I’m sure is watching every step of the way. Still supporting us, caring for us, and loving us like she’s always done. Mama I miss you, and I will always always love you. Thank you for everything. 2011: Losing my lola wasn’t easy for me, but we had to keep living. This was my 8th grade year. My prime. I joined almost every school events, activities. I was close with my teacher and I was well known. I was pretty much the clown of the class. This was the beginning of the Atielle you all know now. Hypey. June 4th, I graduated from St. Martha’s. I know, same day as my bday but oh well, wait till you find out what day my HS graduation was. Anyway, this was also the year that I started high school. Freshman year. Man oh man, crazy. I went to Bishop Amat, it was way different than St. Martha’s. I went from being the alpha dog to starting all over at the bottom again. New people, new culture, and new environment. But hey I did the best I could. I joined a club, made friends that I’m still good friends with till this day, and I did well in my classes. 2012: But that all comes to an end because I moved school just cause it got too expensive. So this is when my whole Nogales High School life begins. Same thing. New school, new people, new environment, and new culture. But I did have my bestfriend here, Ethan. Even though I had him at the same school it was still different. I was shocked, coming from Bishop it was hella different. Well to be exact, it was ghetto. The place was dirty, there were cholos, fights everywhere, and too many stereotypes. It took me the whole first semester to get used to it. But for 4 months all I did was school and then home. 2013: I started being more active at school. I met a new group of friends. I got lucky. I met some real good ones. This year I also got my license. And sophomore year just happened too fast. 2014: Junior year was the turning point of my HS days. This was when I became more social. I had a very close group, we called ourselves BcFam. I still do till this day, but of course it’s not the same as it was back when we were just in high school. Hmm I learned a few things this year. Tried a lot for the first time. I started to smoke hookah, I tried weed once this year, I probably had my first alcohol, I attempted to talk to a girl (i’ll tell you later what happened here), I guess you can say that this was the year my whole living in a perfect world, protected by a bubble ended. My bubble popped. I was exposed to real life. 2014: I have to tell you about that girl cause this was really the first time I tried getting at a girl and honestly I don’t know how it started. To keep it short, she and I were close friends, even called each other best friends until everyone noticed that we could be more than that so they shipped us. They started teasing us and I guess thats when I developed feelings for her. So spring break 2014, known to me as Waded. Cause this was the first time I got faded and it was at the beach. So beach day was when our friendship moved up to a different gear. You know, the talking gear. So it was established that I was trying, but after 2 weeks she told me she can’t do it. I was alright, I thought I was heart broken but later on in my life I find out the real definition of being heart broken. Anyway, a week later she decided she was wrong and we tried again. Same thing happened, she was confused. So I stopped trying and since then things got awkward between us. Keep in mind she was part of my close group of friends so it was really awkward and plus it was hs so we were all immature still. But yea! Junior year ended pretty dope. 2014 (summer): This has got to be the most interesting summer I’ve ever had. Around July, I joined the basketball team. New coach so he didnt have a favoritism, thats why I made the team. But yea varsity, I didn’t play much but i still did it. I lost a lot of weight in 3 months. I went from 210 to probably 170. I mean I was skinny. We were dying. I love my team, we went through hell and back together. 2014 (senior year): So 1st semester of my senior year. I’m back! Back to being an alpha dog, I never liked admitting it but I was popular around school. I was one of those asian dudes. I was in basketball, I joined renaissance to dance for my class, and I was in choir. Oh and keep in my i was about 170lbs, I was fire. Around September, I was nominated to be part of the homecoming court and to run as homecoming king. Honestly I still dont know how or why I was nominated but oh well. I was pretty much shipped with the only other asian of the court. Keep in mind, I’ve had a crush on this girl since junior year. Never really planned ok doing something about it until that whole homecoming event happened. I ended up asking her to be my date for homecoming, and things led to more things between us. She became my girlfriend. My first girlfriend. Man I turned into a simp ass dude. So it was pretty much, basketball, her, and my friends all senior year. Wasn’t all perfect mixing all of those together but somehow it happened. 2015: Class of 2015 woohoo! So basketball took over my senior year, and when season ended in February is when I actually started enjoying my senior year. I got to hang out more, with my friends and ofcourse my girlfriend at the time. It was cool! Dramas here and there but it was cool. I think 1st week of May was when my ex broke up with me. I didnt know what to feel about it. First time having a “heart break”. But nah I was alright, mainly because not a lot of things happened between us anyways. Not even a kiss. I was sad but it was alright. I spent the last month of senior year, having fun with my friends. Fixed all the drama that happened and just made sure we went out with a bang. Shit, well like I said June 4th, I graduated again. There goes my high school memories. 2015 (summer): The day after graduation I went to the beach with my group of friends. It was dope! Emotional. Just what we all needed. Around those times I also rekindled with my ex. Lets just say I wasnt the one to reach out. But yes one thing led to another. We got back together. This time it was different. We matured. Our relationship got deeper. First everything. Kiss and ALL that. Okay that’s it, I’m not gonna elaborate on that anymore. 2015 (college): I started an LVN program, 15 month program. This was the time where I mainly focused on school and my gf at the time. I distant myself from my other friends well maybe except for my best friend. But knowing what I know now, I wish I didn’t distant myself as much. I wish I knew how to balance already, but hey I was still learning. Oh First week of August, I moved in a new house too! Same house as I am in right now. 2016: School was going great, I learned to love nursing even more. I was exposed to the medical life. How it could be hard at times but worth it. Around April or May of this year however, we broke up again. But this time it was for good. It was her choice, I don’t know exactly why but I had to respect that. This is when the real heart break happened. I had my heart totally broken into pieces. Sounds dramatic but so was I around that time. It took me awhile to get over it, probably 6-7 months? I dont know, but awhile. I learned to let go and forgive. I went on with life, I finished my school on November. And I became close with my friends again. And this time, I know not to take them for granted. 2017: I went to Philippines for 2 weeks. A much needed vacation. It was short, but it’s alright because I’ll be back in a month. For my bday :) As of right now, I took a break from school and gonna wait till After I get back from philippines to take my NCLEX. So tumblr, for now thank you for listening. Brb, gonna continue life. Well gonna sleep first then continue life. Gnight its 3:20am.

[chaisoo]

(1) cAMARA SJXSKDL i need to tell you the dream i had w chany and the rest of the boys but ya know he was the main. dude (may i call you dude? my apologies in advance) I swear I cried the entire dream I don’t even know why I guess I was emotional or somethin Idk (this is gonna be long gurl so I’m sorry) okay so it started out that I was walking towards a van the boys were supposed to ride in and when I opened the door yeol was with a female

(dskjflkajd okay so since this dream is SO LONG I decided to put the rest under the cut lmaoooo. It’s great lol you guys should really give it a read)

(2) and let’s just say the tempature was v hot lmao so as one can imagine they were surprise @ my c*ckblocking lmao so I just apologized quickly and ran for my life. While I ran some of the boys were exiting the building they were in to get to the van and go home. Chen sees me running so he goes after me and asks if I was okay cause I looked weird plus I never ran so Ijust said yeah so instead of questioning my answer he decided he’d ask me later and also asked if he could ride w me instead. 

(3) The thing is in the beggining I walked to the van looking 4 one of the boys so I could vent bc I was feeling super crappy but instead I found myself with the god of fire just tryna get some lmao. The car ride was kind of silent so I turned the radio to ignore my thoughts. When the radio goes on the saddest fricking song starts playing (미안해 by jonghyun) so I just burst into tears and chen tries to calm me down

(4) We made it to their house/apartment idk and chen immediately left the car bc if it was okay w me he wanted to look for clothes so he could stay w me so I wouldn’t be lonely im cry I lvoe him shjd I stayed in the car because I knew if someone asked me if I was okay I’d probably just cry again so I just waited in the car instead. Minutes after we arrived so did the boys (chany, baek, hunnie &xiumin)

(5) While I waited 4 jongdae, chanyeol gets in the back sit and starts apologizing for what happened and how he never meant that to happen but things got out of hand. The thing is apparently we were close and he noticed how my vibe was different today so he asked if I was okay

(6) The car was silent after his question and when I dedcide to answer him and tell him how I actually felt baekhyun just busts the passenger door open and sehun joins chanyeol in the back so the air just felt awkward and baek goes “did we interrupt somethin?” chanyeol was abt to say yea but I said no and quickly exited the car. When I left baek was like “I think we interrupted them.” chanyeol just gave him a look.

(7) When I entered the house/apt kyungsoo & xiumin tried greeting me but instead I ran to the bathroom bc I was going to cry so I locked myself in and they start knocking “aryn. Aryn. Are u okay?” so I sat in the toilet and cried and I hear someone go “aryn? Aryn? This is suho! What are u guys talking abt?” when I notice I’m not alone suho popS his head from the shower curtain and I swear he screamed but like a whisper

(8) And then he asks if I could hand him the towel and his clothes and I do but we haven’t really seen our faces so when he finished he opens the curtain and asks me if I could turn around so he can look at me and I just move my head like a no but asks me again and says “please look at me” (he was sO GENTLE IM sFHJVSKCDFBF

(9) So I turned around and he asks me “did they hurt you? which one? I will end them!!” and when I respond it wasn’t them I was just sad he calms down and opens the door and all of the boys were starring w concerned faces and I couldn’t bring myself to look at any of them so I was going to leave

(10) But chen said it started to rain and the rain was v heavy and it would be bad to drive in my condition so suho insisted I should stay and if I didm’t want to and the heavy rain calmed then someone can accompany me when I leave

(11) then I felt someone hug me and it qas yixing (I lov him and trust him w my heart) so after this everyone settled in their rooms except chanyeol and sehun so I went to jongin;s since he was already sleepin when I got there and he woke up when he felt me lay in bed so hee asks me if I was okay and we cuddled and we both fell asleep but I woke up

(12) and didn’t wanted to disturb him so I left the room and went to the living room. I gues chanyeol was waiting for me cause he approched me really fast and w a calm and concerned voice asked if we could talk so he again and he sat beside me and looked at me. His face was glowy and warm but he looked worried so I spoke and said “I’m just not sure okay” so with a confused face he asked notsure about what? And

(13) I sswear I called him dude and went like I DON’T KNOW IF I LIKE YOU OKAY aND HIS FACE WAS PRICELESS AND ASGHDJKSF somebody woke me up :-( 

ldkfhldkfh I CANNOTTTT! This is so great oldshfdkljskh cuddly Jongin and protective Chen/Suho?? I’m really dying. But I feel like that’s totally something that would happen to Chanyeol like have someone walk in on him and someone else lmaooooo with his luck! anyway, I can’t believe you said “god of fire just tryna get some” I’m really screaming sddakjfksjdh this entire thing is hilarious man I wish I had dreams like that