#but yeah i'm getting like a normal 5-day job with normal 8-hour shifts

[stairset]

I'm quitting my job soon and getting an actual full time job that actually pays well which is good cause my habit of impulse buying expensive things is returning

[oscurascout]

Y/N As A Doorman

From "That's Not My Neighbor" game

Note - Sorry for not posting for a while. I've been busy with schoolwork and tests, and I've also had writer's block. But I'm back, and I hope you enjoy this part.

A little side note - This is my first time writing a fight scene, I hope it turned out well.

Warning ⚠️ - This part includes fighting, hitting, broken bones, mentions of blood (sort of), injuries, and fainting.

Part 8 (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 9, Part 10)

~•~Y/N's POV~•~

After dinner, we all gather in the living room where Hoon had made a mess of all the stuff that my grandparents had. Hoon was currently happily showing everyone photos of me from when I was a little kid.

I was happy to finally have some peace and calm after everything that had recently happened. “How I wish that it'll always be this peaceful,” I thought as Hoon grabbed my grandmother's favorite album.

“Be careful with that one; Grandma loved those photos,” I said and saw how Hoon carefully handled the book.

We stayed like that for an hour or two, then we all went to sleep. Francis had to stay with us for the night. “I hope tomorrow is a peaceful day too,” I thought as I lay down, but I just couldn't sleep. So, I decided to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

As I got to the kitchen, I saw that someone else was there. It was Francis. “Hey, you also can't sleep?” I said as I entered the kitchen.

Francis - “Yeah, it's usually like this for me.”

“You should see a doctor,” I said as I drank water.

Francis - *chuckles* “I don't have time; a lot of work to do.”

We both stayed quiet for a while, just feeling comfort in the peaceful atmosphere.

Francis - “Are you okay?”

“… No, you see, I'm worried. I just can't deal with all of this. A few months ago, I was just doing odd jobs and had nothing to worry about. But now I have to worry about everything. I have to protect the whole apartment while also trying to protect myself. It's just too much, and I don't think I'm doing a good job,” I said as I felt all the pressure of the world on my shoulders.

I felt Francis giving me a side hug and patting my back.

Francis - “Don't worry; you are doing an excellent job. Even after many months, no doppelgängers have entered the apartment, and that's thanks to you. So, don't give up.”

I felt more relaxed by his words. After a bit, we both went back to our rooms, and I thought about what he said. I felt happy. “Yeah, I'm the one who has been keeping everyone safe. I should probably go to sleep now; tomorrow is a workday,” I thought as I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

The next day was the same routine, though this time we had Francis, so it was a bit more fun. He looked like a walking zombie while his counterpart was happily moving around, helping both of us get ready.

I drove Francis to his work van, and after that, I went back to the apartment. After getting in and starting my shift, I saw the twins coming in. “Agh, it's too early to deal with them,” I thought as I saw Elenois coming to the window, with a baggage. She passed me her papers without saying anything, though she did have a tired look. “I guess their trip was very tiring,” I thought as I checked her papers very carefully.

Selenne - “Can you hurry up!” *annoyed*

“Shut up!” I said as I looked through the ID. I could hear her complaining under her breath. I confirmed that everything was fine, and was about to let Elenois in.

Selenne - *scared* “Ahhhh!”

I was about to shut her up but stopped when I saw why she screamed; it was two doppelgängers, but worse, one of them was the one that had been attacking everyone, the one who had attacked Mr. Cappuccin. The most aggressive one was the one who looked like Elenois, but instead of a normal face, it had very big and sharp teeth, while the other one was the version of Izaack but melting, he wasn't too aggressive, but now it appear he was.

“Selenne, get your butt over here!” I yelled and opened the door. Elenois quickly went and grabbed her sister's hand and started running towards the door, leaving their baggages behind. The doppelgängers quickly went after those two. The moment Elenois got to the door and opened it, I switched to lock the door, grabbed the taser, and ran outside.

Elenois got inside, but before Selenne could, the doppelgänger grabbed her by her hair and pulled her back. Elenois was about to go out, but I stopped her. “Elenois! Go to the office and take control. I'll deal with these doppelgängers. After your sister gets inside, call the D.D.D!” I said firmly, and Elenois, still panicking, nodded and ran to the office.

I opened the door and saw the sharp-teeth doppelgänger dragging Selenne. I turned the taser on. “Hey! Leave her alone!” I yelled and ran towards them. I plunged the taser into the sharp-teeth doppelgänger's neck. She released Selenne, and the other doppelgänger was about to grab her again, but Selenne hit him straight in the face with her bag, knocking down the melting doppelgänger. Sharp-teeth was also knocked back by the taser.

“Selenne, run and put the alarm!” I yelled, and she quickly dropped her bag and ran towards the door, which opened the moment she got there. After a few seconds, the whole building went into lockdown. I grabbed Selenne's bag, which was pretty heavy, and got ready to fight.

The flickering red lights gave the situation a very eerie atmosphere, the only sound being the alarm indicating the current problem. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, feeling a little scared, but I quickly threw that feeling away, knowing that I needed to survive.

Melting face was the first to recover, but he didn't lunge at me. I turned just in time to see sharp-teeth rush at me with claws in her hands. I quickly ducked, barely missing the sharp claws. In one swift motion, I drove my elbow into the doppelgänger’s ribs, feeling them break.

I suddenly felt pain on my side as the other doppelgänger’s claws scratched my arm. I gasped, feeling so much pain but forced myself to stay upright. I spun, turning on the taser and lunging it into the attacker’s side. The doppelgänger fell to the ground.

The room spun as I struggled to keep up, all of my muscles screaming to stop, but I knew I couldn't, not until the D.D.D. arrived. I blocked a claw swing with my forearm, wincing at the pain, and retaliated with a swing to their stomach with the bag. The doppelgänger gasped, stumbling back, and I seized the moment to catch my breath.

"I can do it," I told myself, eyes darting between the two doppelgängers. I felt myself starting to get dizzy and very tired. The next attack came fast and hard – a coordinated assault from both sides. I dodged left, narrowly avoiding a claw swing, and countered with a low kick to the knee, making the melting one fall.

The sharp-teeth doppelgänger grabbed my arm, twisting it painfully. I bit back a scream, using my free hand to deliver a crushing blow to their throat. Their grip loosened, and I yank myself free, adrenaline fueling my every move.

Breathing heavily, I stood as the doppelgängers quickly recovered, every inch of my being aching. The fight wasn't over yet – not until the D.D.D arrived. It was hard; they were stronger than me, and my taser was almost out of power. As I gasped for air, the melting one grabbed my arms and held them painfully. Then I heard the other one behind me. I moved my head and saw the sharp claws coming near my face.

I quickly moved my head, dodging the blow to my face but not to my body. The claws went down my back, breaking skin. I screamed and with all my strength, I pulled away from the melting face, turned the taser on, and plunged it into the sharp teeth. My vision was starting to blur.

I heard footsteps. I looked behind the doppelgängers and saw the yellow suits; the D.D.D had finally arrived. The doppelgängers turned their attention to them and started to attack, but unlike me, the agents were professionals and far stronger, so they easily won. I smiled, and suddenly, my world went dark.

[againstme]

the american healthcare system is a fucking farce

don't tell this to the residential program that i'm in because they'll try to see this as a way to refuse to continue accommodating me, but

after all this work i've done, years of being in pain, feeling insane, and after finally getting xrays done, being told about stress fractures in my spine, getting a letter of accommodation from my doctor telling me to reduce the amount of mobility i'm doing, getting a referral to a doctor, and getting a CT scan after waiting:

i get a message from one of the doctors saying they found "nothing significant" on my CT scan, and that i show no signs of fractures. what they said in medical jargon translated to just saying i have swelling in my lower back due to being overweight, and that i have a (two?? "more left than right") hypermobile 12th rib and won't tell me anything else about it. i feel like shit, and i feel insane. because i know that i'm in pain. and i know that this pain started before i gained weight, directly after i got injured from being attacked by a fucking dog and being slammed flat on my back onto concrete as it knocked my legs out from under me by lunging at me.

i ignored that i was in pain soon afterwards because i needed to keep doing my fucking job and making rent and having money for food. i spent so long pushing myself into the fucking ground by trying to function normally, while struggling to walk home after an 8 hour shift of standing and lifting and constantly running around the store and stocking and so much shit that was making things worse. i would get shocks in my back and almost fall over when trying to walk home in the dark. and i would just stop for a second and lean on a pole and keep going because i had to. i keep trying to function like a normal person because i have to. ran myself into the dirt and then learned i had a tumor for 6 years that was making my bones weaker to the point that i have osteopenia, learning that when i was 19 years old. walking with a cane, my back seizing up, not being able to carry groceries from the store to my house that was a 5 minute walk away.

i get a bone density scan, i get the fucking tumor out, i feel a little better, my brain works better, and yet i'm still in pain.

i go through all of this shit, push through and say fuck it, i'll just try to function, i'll try to work again and go to school in a different city, i'll just push through the pain. i fly down to santa cruz to plan coming to residential, and i leave my cane behind. why? because i feel the pressure to look and act normal. to be perceived as "normal." and the pain still doesn't stop. mind you, throughout this time, i've been in college and living off of ebt, and when i get to residential, i'm barely fucking eating enough to make it through the day on good days, because they restrict what foods you can get, watching you like a hawk.

so to get all of this work done after seeing a doctor for the first time EVER about this back pain that's been going on for four fucking years, after trying physical therapy, working on my weight, doing stretches, eating less, trying so many different pain medications and muscle relaxers under the fucking sun without them working, and me going back to feeling insane, but finally getting some hope with getting some scans done and feeling like maybe, maybe, someone will actually understand what i'm saying and not just look at me for my size, i get some sliver of an answer,

and just like that, they take it back, and say "oh no, you're just fat. lose weight. sorry!"

what the fuck am i supposed to do with that information?

"oh yeah doc, you're so right, i didn't notice at all that i weigh [x amount of lbs] at all, i'm going to lose weight Right Now because it's sooooo easy and totally doesn't hurt in a way that's not in a it hurts so good because i'm working out type of way. you're so right that everything that i've been feeling is fake, and i just have swelling in my lower back, and that all of this just has to do with me not trying hard enough!"

and it totttttallllly helps that my doctor, after telling me to just lose weight after getting my xray results, says "and i know you're rolling your eyes, and i know people say that they can't control their weight and that it's genetics, but that's all bullshit." that totally makes me feel better! thanks! here's some money, totally not a waste of my time. i could've just talked to my younger self and had them say the same thing to me. at least then i wouldn't be sitting here while you suck the dick of the american medical industrial complex.

what the fuck am i supposed to do? i'm back at square one, i have no idea what's real and what's not, i'm feeling crazy and like i've made my own problem up and that it's all in my head, and i'm so close to just giving up on all of this and doing fucked up things to lose weight to get doctors to leave me the fuck alone. give me ozempic and beg my insurance to cover it if you want me to drop weight that fast, for christ's sake.

i don't know if i even want to use the limited energy that i have on researching shit. don't want to be accused of relying on "dr. google." i feel like i've just been diagnosed with fat people hysteria, and told to eat a salad and walk on a treadmill for the rest of my fucking life.

what the fuck do i do? at this point, it's a genuine question, but also a cry to the universe. because i don't know what to do. i don't know where to start, if anything is worth trying.

[onyourstageleft]

thoughts on sensory stuff this got long but also helped? idk I just hope the read more works

:readmore:

so like we've all heard about how the pandemic let a lot of people unmask and now they're struggling to go back to the Before Times of masking (when I say people I am people. grammar consistency be damned for this post)

I interrupt this program to bring you the news that I'm probably autistic. not seeking official diagnosis for Reasons but yeah

anyway I've been realizing this and just better understanding myself the last year or so

and now I'm working at a retail job at a small business where I am alone for like 5+ hours of my 8 hour shift. no coworkers, no manager (I am the manager) just me for most of my day

and I've been dealing with that by having twitch streams going in my office, video calling another store manager for like 2+ hours a day, that kind of thing. well today that system was broken bc I was training someone on her like 5th day (and last bc it didn't work out she just wasn't a good fit) but she was with me for 6 hours of the day. and I still did my video call with the other manager for my first 2 hours. and we had a busy day with customers where a lot of my regulars came in. and it's coming into the holiday season. and the owner stopped by for a few minutes. and another (different) store manager came by with a transfer of inventory for me. and I called my mom on the way home. and I talked to my husband at home before he went to the gym

and I am so overwhelmed with the socializing I've done today that I think laying facedown on the floor for an hour sounds like a good idea

BUT I work tomorrow and I have to clean and do laundry and dishes this evening. and my mom is flying in Thursday morning. and we're going to see my mother in law Thursday afternoon. and I work a 10 hour shift Friday. and I'm probably telling my mom about polyamory this weekend if she asks. and we're going to a theme park Sunday.

anyway the socializing and sensory meltdown is hitting HARD and I just needed to get all of these words out bc really how do I wind down? when do I decompress? I am busy and stressed and my husband helped trim my hair while he was home so I need to shower but I also need to put the laundry in the dryer but I also need to eat dinner but I would PREFER to stop experiencing thoughts and sensations today

also just realized that I did not even once hit my delta vape today (I work at a vape store I'm slightly high at work all the time) and I think that may also have contributed to this state bc I know I have a higher threshold for sensory stuff when I'm high but maybe starting to hit it now would be a bad idea?

AND I took my meds late and I didn't eat lunch and I have to go to the chiropractor tomorrow and pick up my new meds and wash the sheets in the guest room

anyway writing it all out helped so I think I'm gonna go grab a snack and take a shower but sensory things are still a lot and I've already had a good cry for no reason in the middle of writing this out but maybe I need another one in the shower, enhanced by sad music. idk man I tried to put on a twitch stream like normal but it was a too overwhelming so now I'm just silently laying on the bed typing

all this to say

I stopped masking full time this last year and now i apparently just get exhausted and overwhelmed when I have to do it for 8+ hours a day? that's a fun new revelation I'll have to figure out how to mitigate in the future

[blackcherrykiss]

BLOOD BOUNDARIES - Enhypen OT7 Fanfic (ch.7)

[CH.1] [CH.2] [CH.3] [CH.4] [CH.5] [CH.6] previous chapters

[CH.8.] next chapter (unavailable, check back or follow for updates!)

You fell into a distrustful panic that night now that knew the screams of the woods were also where Jungwon and his friends lived. You weren't sure if you should be scared for those group of boys or be scared of them. You'd be lying to yourself if you tried to believe it was only a coincidence the boys had a place in the forest of violent cries.

You questioned your sanity, were they murderers? Was that their dirty secret?

Your conclusions were endlessly dark, repeating themselves countlessly. You had never wanted to sleep away your thoughts more than ever. Eventually, you got exhausted from your thoughts. It was mentally draining to try and tear apart the possibilities of the situation, you didn't have enough evidence to be so sure. You lay in a cold sweat as you drifted off into a deep but horrible sleep.

You dreamt in full awareness. The boys with blood spilling down their hands and onto their swan white clothes. A red mess everywhere on the cream walls of an orphanage that overflowed with rays of a full moon. Although you were scared of what you were witnessing, you could not wake up even if your life depended on it. It seemed as if the dream had sped up your sleep as you woke in what felt like a few seconds. Calmly, you awoke in the misty autumn morning in a crushed up pile of blankets. You sit up to peel your wispy curtains away from the window to get a good look at the dark forest that steamed with a muddy blue fog. All of the memories of Jungwon yelling at you for just being near the woods flooded your brain as you stared. This time you were determined to search deep into that forest and get to the bottom of its mysteries as it called out to you.

"Y/N I think you're going to be late for your first class." Nana knocked before bursting into your room in full uniform, not a wrinkle on her shirt.

"Y-you're already ready? What time is it?!" You glanced back and forth between your pyjamas and uniform that draped over a random stool as you were too lazy to fold nicely the night before.

"We didn't want to wake you... So we went ahead thinking you'd come down eventually." She yanked you out of bed, gripping your forearms tightly before backing out the door, "Don't be late! We promised we'd keep out of detention this year!"

Within a blink of an eye, you slip into your uniform, slinking your arms through the holes of your blouse and adjusting your legs to be cover by your ashy plaid skirt. With your bag and binder in hand, you sprinted across your campus to the gymnasium where you found yourself arriving, everyone already in the proper athletic attire.

"You're late."  Your health teacher grit her teeth in visible disappointment. Your teacher knew how unlike you it was to be late as your classmate's eyes followed your every movement.

"P-pardon me." You clawed your fingers through your bedhead, speeding to the change room, nervous she'd assign you detention.

You let out the deep breath you were holding in as you got into the empty locker room, frustrated at yourself for waking up so late. You can't help but feel upset that you let your thoughts get the best of you and ruin your perfect attendance. Truly you were ashamed but began to see no point in continuing to rush the pace at which your day was running.

The locker room door opens and you see Kyungeun peep herself inside, "Y/N? You alright?"

You pull your boxy shirt flat down, zipping and tying every spot on your tracksuit jacket, "Yeah, sorry rough morning..."

"No worries, I just said that I had to go to the bathroom but I really just wanted to check on you." She had a motherly sound to her voice which comforted your bad start to the day. Perhaps she was in a good enough mood for you to ask her briefly about her relationship with Sunghoon.

"Kyungeun, I think I need to just clear the air... I saw you with Sunghoon in the library." You tilted your head in regret as to whether or not you were starting off the conversation in the right direction.

"Y-you saw us???" Her face drained to an unrealistic hue, "Lord... Sunghoon will kill me if he finds out you know."

"Stop! What do you mean? He'll kill you? Is it because I know that you two are dating?"

"NO! Nevermind then!" She cut you off right after the question mark in your voice. She looked rather relieved at your response which could only mean their relationship was much different than you had presumed. "I just can't tell you about our relationship I'm s-sorry it's between just us two."

"So then it's okay for him to flirt with my roommate?"

"No? Are you serious right now ?!" Kyungeun panicked.

"So you are dating?" You gave a smug smile.

"It's not that..." She was visibly frustrated not being able to describe herself in words, "I'll tell you this, I'm bound to him..." She ran her index finger along the reddened gash on her neck  He's blackmailing me."

"So you're like his pet?" You held in your laughter, you knew you should be more serious but you had no other way of trying to help Kyungeun express the gist of her relationship.

"I'll tell you another day...  Let's just go before the teacher gets mad at you for taking so long to change."

...

After your class full of advanced leg exercises and mediocrely fun games, you got halted by your gym teacher, "Y/N can we speak about how tardy you were today?"

You got fearful of her sentencing you detention, freezing up from your heel upwards, "I'm so sorry, I just had a lot going on last night..."

"Sweetie, I know this is your first late in my class but unfortunately the school does not tolerate tardiness in the way I believe it should be." She tapped her chin a few times, "I have no other choice but to send you to detention but it'll just be a half-hour at lunch." You felt better that it wasn't for a full hour or two after school but you were still dreading the idea.

"Can't you just let me off the hook? I promise it'll never happen again" You pleaded desperately.

"I'm afraid I cannot... If the other teachers or students knew you didn't get sent to detention I could get into trouble for giving you 'special treatment'. I know you didn't mean to love but I cannot afford to lose my job so I'll see you then." She patted one of your shoulders, giving it a little squeeze to cheer you up.

"I understand..." You nod with your head that already hung low.

"It's in the English room down the hall, there is usually only a few students there. Some familiar faces."

...

That rest of your morning would only pull through faster as you got some weird anxiety over walking into the detention room. You could not concentrate at all in the class you had before lunch. You felt as if you were too good for the detention group of kids, but here you were about to join those you criticized. Karma.

"Make sure to answer the questions 8-16 on page 300, you have the rest of the class to do so. Any questions?" Your physics teacher stood with his hands balled up behind his back.

Realizing you had no physics book in your bag after triple checking, you shot your arm up in distress, "ME! I forgot my textbook today... I was in a rush this morning." You faked a polite laugh with the expectation your teacher would have a spare.

"I'm afraid I don't have an extra, anyone willing to share?" The teacher lifted his head to scan the class.

"I could share." Jaeyun winked making your face recoil

"Perfect! You'll probably have to move your stuff to his seat then." Your teacher suggested.

With a thick coat of disappointment, you pulled a chair up to Jaeyun's desk to which he kneed you annoyingly.

Within just a few seconds of settling down, you complained "How the hell am I supposed to write? There is no space... Desks are made for ONE person."

"Okay then don't use my textbook and fall behind" He sneered.

"Wait wait, I just had the greatest idea Jaeyun." He gave you puppy eyes when you said his name, "What if you look for half the answers I do the other half then exchange?" You whispered so the teacher could hear.

"I can't trust you make good answers though..." He jokingly sighed.

"HEY! Okay or work together for every question to get it done twice as fast? Oh wait but then I'll be the one carrying the team... Bummer..." You stretched the corners of your mouth until your lips disappeared.

"I honestly don't feel like doing work so lose-lose." He pouted and rolled his eyes.

"Same... I can't even focus, I'm having a rough morning..." You openly admitted, "I got sent to detention for being late in my first class."

"Detention? Didn't think you were the type." Jaeyun had an unexpectedly sweet giggle which contrasted with his lower tone voice, "Heeseung and Sunghoon get sent often, surprised they aren't kicked out of the school."

"They get sent often?!" Your voice rose to which you quickly quieted down to avoid trouble, "Will I see them there?"

"Why? Looking forward to going now?" Jaeyun whispered with a grin, causing you to scoff.

"As if..." A sudden idea coming to mind, "Say Jaeyun... About the party... Heard you guys have a place in the woods...?" You became aware that you could pry some information out of him that would help you when searching the woods that night.

"Yeah, we do... We don't normally tell people about it." He said casually yet still with some sort of caution.

"So why tell us then?"

"Haven't had any visitors in a while..." Jaeyun toyed with his mechanical pencil, using the plastic part to trace around his lips, "Awfully interested aren't you?" He seemed to have caught on to your intentions, shifting the mood of the conversation around in a full 180.

Suddenly the dream you had earlier slipped into mind, causing you to sit in growing discomfort, "What do you want from my friends and I?"

"Nothing sweetheart... We're more interested in you than your dormmates. You look like someone we know." He laughed like a psycho and it creeped you out how the two of you were just poking lighthearted jokes to something much darker and mysterious, "I know you're afraid of us, you know far more than most girls." His voice dropped to a whisper as he watched the teacher behind you to make sure he didn't see the both of you slacking.

"Kyungeun knows your secrets too she said she'll tell me."

"She's acting like we don't know her secrets." Jaeyun closed his textbook, "Y/N just remember this, Kyungeun is half as bad as we are and half as pure as you are."

"Alright class, that's it for today's class. This textbook assignment won't be due until Friday have a good lunch." The teacher interrupted, causing your conversation with Jaeyun to end on a hanging note.

"Good luck with detention."Jaeyun hushed in your ear.

_______________

p.s, i changed the cover lol don’t make fun of my photoshop skills!

[javisjeanjacket]

Peace - (Poe dameron x fem!reader)

Folklore series Part 3/4

A/N: Phew THIS ONE! so many ~emOtIOnS~. So, time has passed since Part 2, wherein they've fallen more and more in love and they’ve both told their parents about the other one and its gettin kind of SERIOUS. We’re picking back up in TROS time period.

Warnings: oral sex (F recieving), penetrative sex, curse words, orgasm, 18+, NSFW, the usual. 

Word Count: 5.2K yeet

Two fingers moving lightly over your cheek awoke you.

Your eyebrows furrowed and blue morning light pulled your eyelids to open. You grumbled and squinted in the growing light.

An arm tightened around your waist and pillowy lips found your jaw. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." Poe whispered, his tone honeyed.

You groaned and clenched your aching back, a chorus of pops running down you.

Poe chuckled softly on your cheek and made a trail of kisses from your jaw down the curve of your neck.

"Since when do you wake up earlier than I do?" You growled.

"Couldn't stay asleep last night. I've been up since 4 this morning." He admitted. His stubble tickled your neck and collarbone.

You looked over to him, your eyes still squinted. "What?"

He smirked and his curls brushed back and forth on your cheek. His mouth sucked on a spot of your collarbone that somehow remained untouched by hickeys.

A warm jitter zipped through your body and you felt your mind clear. You reached a hand over to run through his thick hair.

"Babe..." You whispered.

Poe's arms tightened around your waist and his warm chest pressed tightly into yours.

You smiled and let out a deep breath.

Your mother had warned you about going back to Poe when you had Holomessaged to tell her the news. Her eyebrows had furrowed and her tone had become harsh. She had recounted you desperately fleeing the Resistance base to return to your home world. She reminded you of how fully you had shattered on her doorstep, falling back into her comfort and security instead of Poe's.

'We talked about what happened, Mom. About everything. And I think...I think he's grown. He listened to what I had to say and changed some things.'  You had explained to her.

'Pssh, we'll see how long that lasts. He's the Resistance poster boy; he's too cocky. I don't trust him, joganfruit.' She had countered.

"What time is it?" You whispered, cutting your mother's memory off before she could become any more inflamed.

Poe murmured and looked over at the holoprojector on his bedside table. "5:30."

You grumbled and wiggled yourself closer to him. There was still a few hours left to steal before life would awaken and call you away from Poe. You sighed happily and pulled the blanket up to your chin, closing your eyes and getting readjusted.

Your ex-boyfriend now turned serious boyfriend ran his fingers slowly from your hair line, over your scalp and then down your neck. He pressed soft kisses on your warm temple and murmured on your skin, "Can I ask you something, sweetheart?"

You smirked, keeping your eyes closed, and nodded yes.

"Would you still want to be with me if I wasn't Poe Dameron?" He whispered. His words hovered thickly on the skin of your cheek.

You opened your eyes and turned to look at him. Your eyebrows scrunched and compassion flooded your expression. You reached a hand up to cup his face. You smiled softly and replied, "Who would you be then?"

Poe chuckled, but his undertone was serious. "No, I mean like...if I wasn't a General. If I wasn't in the Resistance." His dark eyes reached out for yours, grasping desperately for you to steady him. His heart, so normally overtaken with passion and determination, now sat vulnerable in front of you. He took the meat of his lip into his mouth as he watched your face.

You leaned up from your pillow and kissed him softly, both of your hands around his face. "I'm going to love you no matter where you go, or what job you have, or whoever you become. We're two parts of the same star, remember?" You swiped a thumb across his eyelid gently.

Poe looked down at you, his eyebrows tensed with emotion and ran his thumb over one of your eyelids softly. "Two parts of the same star." He echoed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dad? Dad, I'm having a hard time hearing you." Poe said, his words terse. His eyes scanned the empty locker room, asking for some kind of guarantee of solitude.

His father's image shook and his words came out garbled. Holomessaging wasn't very popular in the rural lands of Yavin 4.

"Poe? Can you hear me?" Kes asked.

"Yeah, I can hear you. You're breaking up though."

"Lemme try..." Kes began and Poe could hear footsteps crunching on gravel.

Suddenly, Kes appeared clearly in the Holoprojector.

The Resistance General smiled. "Hey, Dad." Poe said again.

"Hi, son." Kes replied. "How's the Resistance?"

Poe sighed and shifted his weight. "We're still kicking. Barely."

"As long as there is one person willing-" Kes began.

Poe finished his father's tired mantra. "to stand against tyranny, hope is never lost."

Kes nodded and beamed at his son's morality.

"Dad, I wanted to ask you-"

"I heard about Leia." Kes said solemnly.

Poe nodded. "Yeah, we're...." He swallowed, for emotion had risen in his throat. "We're still trying to work through it."

"I can't imagine what that's like, son. Who took over her command?"

"Well, me and Finn-"

"You're the General?!" Kes exclaimed.

"I-" Poe tried to explain.

Kes was too overwhelmed to hear him. "Poe, your mother would be so proud of you! She is so proud of you." He corrected himself.

"I've been trying to do my best...Thanks." Poe debated about whether or not he should explain to his father about his shared command with Finn, but decided it could wait for another time.  He clutched his mother's ring hanging around his chest and said, "Dad, I need to ask you something."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For what felt like the hundredth time, your eyes ran across the shotty Arebesh scrawled onto the holodocument displayed in front of you.

You held your chin in one hand and chewed on the side of your lip as you thought. Mumbling to yourself you said, "So, if Senator Lago and the Kanjiklub are working together. How do they connect to the First Order?"

Your mind felt as if it was smashing against a brick wall over and over again.

Thankfully, the whir of a certain orange and white ball droid averted your attention.

You twisted in your seat and smiled when you saw BB-8. "Hey, buddy." You said and jumped down from your chair to talk with him. You bent down to your knees and scratched his sides.

The droid opened up a large compartment in his side to reveal a wiry bouquet of purple and yellow flowers.

You smirked and took them from BB.

A note dangled from the flowers that read, 'Meet me in the hangar. -Poe'

You blushed and shook your head. Surrendering to the tsunami of hopelessness you had been feeling all day, you began to shut off the holotable and gather your books and papers.

Giddiness built in your chest as you and BB-8 moved quickly through the Ajan Kloss Base to you and Poe's quarters. You dropped your books and papers by the door and began to search through your closet for something to wear. You chose one of Poe's t-shirts and a dependable pair of jeans.

"Don't look!" You scolded BB-8 as you began to take off your uniform.

The little droid beeped and blooped in embarrassment, before zipping quickly through the door and towards the hangar.

~~~~~~~~~

Excitement and curiosity bubbled in your chest as you turned the corner to the hangar. There Poe stood, one of his arms on the Millennium Falcon and the other fiddled with his belt loop. BB-8 whirred softly around him, taking a visual catalog of the Falcon's current state.

You clutched the flimsy bouquet of flowers tight in your hands and started towards them. At the sound of your footsteps, the most handsome man you had ever seen turned to you. His face was quickly overwhelmed with a smile and his arms opened toward you. "Sweetheart, hey. You made it." He said as you pressed into his chest.

You wrapped your arms around his middle and pressed a hot kiss on his neck. "The General is gonna be so mad at me for skipping out early if he finds out."

Poe chuckled and moved you away from his chest to press his lips against yours. "I won't tell if you won't." He said after pulling away from your kiss.

You blushed, chuckled, and playfully hit his chest. The two of you walked onto the landing dock of the Falcon, his arm around your waist and yours wrapped tightly around his middle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The orange sun drooped low across the waves of Kothlis. The red and purple suns not too far behind it. Their colors drew painted lines across your and Poe's intertwined bodies, buried in the black sand below you.

"I think you ruined my tan." You whispered as your fingers combed through Poe's dark hair.

His body had been laying almost on top of yours for the better part of two hours, his skin hot and sticky against yours. His mouth sucked on your collarbone, the same spot he had worked on earlier in the morning, and he responded, "You don't need a tan anyway."

You smirked and readjusted the sunglasses resting on your nose. Napping on the shores of a beach planet with Poe Dameron was not how you expected this day to end, but you never could predict how any day with Poe was bound to go.

"We should probably go soon. They'll be worried about us." You said.

Poe groaned and tightened his hands on your bare ribcage, his thumb tracing the line of your bra.

You blushed and ran a thumb back and forth across his stubbly cheek. "Come on, babe. Get up."

Poe shook his head, his dark curls bouncing.

You smirked and called for BB-8 to start up the Falcon.

The little droid awoke from his resting state and moved, unsure, through the dark sand toward the hidden freighter down the shoreline.

Poe's hands dug into your ribcage, hard, and you gasped softly. "Poe, come on."

The man refused to let his mouth go from your collarbone. His eyebrows sat heavily on his forehead and you could almost see his hands shaking on your skin.

You put a gentle hand on his stirring ones and squeezed. "What's wrong?"

Poe's lips left your skin and he breathed out heavily. The General sat up and turned his back to you. He looked out over the lapping water and sighed. He ran a hand across his face and then chewed on his bottom lip.

You sat up and gently placed a hand on his defined back. You ran your hand up and down his shoulder blade before reaching up to give his tense neck a squeeze.

The man looked down at his knees, pulled tight to his chest, and then back out to the water.

"I don't-" Poe started. "Ugh," He exclaimed to himself. "I don't know what to do."

"About what?" You asked softly.

Poe mindlessly grabbed a handful of black sand and squeezed it so tight it slipped through his grasp. His dark eyes looked back at you under a cocked eyebrow and then returned to gaze at the on-coming waves. Poe sighed once more and then looked back at you again, "I'm in love with you."

You smiled and scooted forward to cup his face in your hand. "I know you are, dummy. I'm in love with you too." You kissed him sweetly, grasping the chain that held his mother's ring.

Poe broke the kiss and began to draw small designs in the sand. He swallowed loudly. "Sweetheart, I-" He blinked rapidly. "I talked to my dad and he, uh, he has some land on Yavin 4 that we could," Poe ran out of air and began again, out of breath, "he said we could build a home on."

You sat back on your haunches. Your mouth parted and your eyebrows pursed. Visions of you and Poe's home, deep in the warm jungles of Yavin 4, flew through your mind. You saw the warm morning light stream through the bedroom windows and Poe's sleepy face on the first day he would be able to sleep in after the war was won. You saw the garden of herbs and vegetables in your backyard. You saw a little black-haired girl screaming and running as her father chased her through the same lands his father had chased his son on.

Unable to control them, your eyes began to water. You looked out over the ocean and your breath came in heavy pounds against your ribcage, not unlike the waves against the shoreline before you.

"I'm not asking you to settle down, not if you don't want to, but..." Poe took your hand and pulled you back to the present. "I would."

Your eyes met his and you suddenly felt overtaken by his gaze. Looking at him now felt as if you had never seen him before, every curve and angle of his face utterly breathtaking.

"If you want to, I'll do it." He whispered. He reached a hand out to rub his thumb across your face softly.

You placed a hand gently on his outstretched arm and kissed his wrist, pressing your lips tightly into his skin.

"What do you think, sweetheart?" He asked again.

A warm breeze wafted off of the ocean and relaxed your overwhelmed mind. "I want to, of course I want to." You admitted.

One side of Poe's mouth quirked upwards as you continued.

Reality careened it's cruel voice into your thoughts. "But...what if," You took a deep breath and averted your gaze from your boyfriend's. "What if I lose you? Or you lose me? I couldn't-" You shook your head, the thought of being without him, once so mundane, now was absolutely unbearable.  

Gently, Poe moved your gaze back to him. "I know, I know. But, what if we don't lose each other? What if we make it, sweetheart? What if this thing we're doing...works out?" His voice clipped towards the end of his question.

Tears spilled from the sides of your eyes, one after another. You pulled dry pieces of skin from your lips using your teeth.

Your boyfriend continued, "I told my dad," Poe took a shaking breath. "that I felt like I had lived my whole life just waiting to meet you. Waiting for the way that you looked at me the night we met."

You let out a quiet sob and Poe fought through his own emotion as he said, "If I'm gonna die, I want-" He swallowed. "I want to die with you having been the last person I loved." Poe squeezed your hand.

You wiped your tears with the back of your free hand.

"You don't have to answer now, but please, just, think about it." Poe's eyes were big and looked up into yours.

You nodded yes and leaned forward, pressing your lips harshly into his. You gripped his hair in between your fingers and pressed your body against his warm one.

Poe clutched your back with both of his hands, one on the middle of your shoulder blades and the other resting across the curve of your ass.

You pulled on his lips, hard. You were desperate to fill him with the glowing passion spilling from your chest.

Poe gently pushed your shoulders away from him and said, the space between your mouths hot and humid. "If we make it and we win this thing, people will come looking for us."

You sat back on your legs once more and Poe's hands dropped to his sides.

"We will never be able to truly have peace. We'll always have to hide from First Order sympathizers."

You dropped your gaze to the sand on your beach towels.

"But," Poe said, the lightness in his voice returning, "I would be with you when they do." He moved a finger under your chin and pressed against it, tilting your gaze upwards.

The General smirked slightly and his eyes ran over your features, searching for a response.

Your eyes caught on the ring around his neck and you pictured it glinting and glimmering on your finger. How you would work with it on your hand, shining in between gadgetry and espionage. How you would hold Poe's face with it there to decorate the both of you. You pulled your eyes from the shining band and back to Poe's.

Looking at him now, the sunset painting his face in warm purples and pinks, every touch of his skin, the smiles on your neck, the tight grip on your hips, rang loudly in your ears. Every morning spent curled up in bed years ago and all the mornings just these past few months flashed through your mind. You thought of his nibbles on your ear and how your name sounded falling from his lips. He seemed to beat as loudly in your ears as your own heartbeat. Your hands began to shake and your chest thumped loudly.

"Just, think about it, okay?" He whispered, his face clearly wanting an answer now.

You nodded and flung your arms around his neck. You pushed your breasts firmly into his chest and buried your mouth into his neck.

Poe ran a hand over the back of your head and kissed your temple. He drug his hand down to support your back and with the other he moved your jaw so that you could kiss his lips.

You obliged him, pressing your tongue against his bottom lip.

Poe adjusted your legs around his torso, pressing your panties against the growing tent in his pants, and opened his mouth to you.

You moaned as you moved your tongue into his mouth and began to dance with his own. Your hands held his face and tangled in his inky curls.

The pilot moved his hands to cup your ass and then whispered, "Let's get to the ship." He squeezed your butt once before drawing his hands down your legs as you moved to stand.

The pair of you stood, grabbed the beach towels,  and almost jogged to the primed and ready Millennium Falcon.

You followed after Poe up the landing ramp and were greeted by a grumpy BB-8. The droid zoomed around the ship, bored from waiting so long.

"Hey, sorry buddy." Poe apologized to his mechanical friend. "We're ready now."

BB-8 whirred to the spot in the hallway where his mechanical arms could steady him and waited.

You followed Poe to the cockpit and watched the muscles in his back shift as he began the pre-lift off calculations.

His brow furrowed and he mumbled to himself as he worked, thinking as fast as he could.

You placed a hand on his shoulder and pressed a firm kiss on his cheek. "I'll meet you in the General's quarters." You whispered before pulling away from him.

He nodded, one of his hands reaching down to squeeze your almost naked ass.

You blushed and turned from him to go to the only bedroom on the ship.  

~~~~~~~~~

A few agonizing moments passed as you waited for Poe. Your mind raced with his words and the depths from which they had come. You wiggled backwards on the bed and closed your eyes. You let out a deep breath and moved a hand slowly down your body, stopping to tease your nipples, and then finding a way under the soaked cloth of your underwear. Slowly, to drag it out and keep yourself wet for Poe, you moved your fingers up and down your slit. You allowed your mind to wander through all the things you loved about your boyfriend. 'Or is he my fiance now?' You thought. The mere thought of spending the rest of your life beside the impulsive pilot pushed a new wave of moisture out of you. You moaned gently to yourself, letting your head roll to the side as your fingers teased your entrance.

The door hissed open and Poe was already tugging down his boxer shorts as he crossed the threshold. He stepped out of the fabric and quickly climbed onto the bed and over your scantily clad body. "BB-8 is in hanging in the corridor in rest mode."

You smiled and rubbed yourself faster now, as the cool of his mother's ring meeting the hot skin in between your breasts.

"Un-uh." Poe said and pulled your hand from out of your underwear.

You whined as the friction left you and Poe took your wet fingers in his mouth.

He ran his tongue down your finger and his mouth sucked on them persistently.

You moaned and your mouth gaped open. You could feel your pussy begin to throb, aching for him. Your back arched off of the bed and your hips jutted upwards to hit his.

Poe chuckled and let your fingers drop from his mouth with a loud slurp.

Your head reared back gently.

"You want me to show you how much I love you, sweet girl?" He asked, his voice low and throaty. His lips planted sloppy kisses down your jaw and neck.

"Yes." You breathed. You tried to reach your hand downwards to satisfy your burning core, but Poe caught it mid-reach.

"I'm the only one who gets to make your pussy cum."

Your eyes fluttered closed and a whine fell from your lips. Your hips moved to touch his.

Poe pushed your hips back down to the bed with both of his palms. He pressed his hands tightly over your hipbone. He kissed your stomach softly, creating a path down to the tip of your panties.

"Poe, please..." You whined, your core already soaking through the fabric. Your body squirmed under his grasp.

Poe dipped down to suck on the soaked fabric, graciously pulling some of your aching folds into his mouth.

You gasped and squirmed under him.

"Please what?" He asked, his breath hot hovering over your pussy. He ensnared your thighs with his arms, wrapping them underneath him, and then began to press soft kisses around your folds, allowing pressure everywhere except where you needed it most.

You cooed and jolted away from him.

Poe wiggled you back towards his mouth and continued his barrage of kisses.

"Please, fuck me, please." Your eyebrows tensed over your clamped shut eyelids. Your hands curled into the grey sheets below you.

Poe chuckled low in his chest, and you could feel it on your thigh. He snuck two fingers underneath the waistband of your underwear and wiggled it down your hips and then down your legs. He flung the garmet on the floor behind him. His dark curls tickled your stomach as he blessedly licked your dripping folds. His tongue moved up and down the slit, slowly, gently, teasingly. He swirled his tongue around the bundle of nerves at the top of your pussy and sucked gently.

You whined loudly and reached a hand down to yank on his hair. A jolt of energy seemed to zip through your back, kicking it up from the bed below you.

Poe moved his tongue towards your entrance, darting back and forth quickly before spreading you even more with his fingers. "You always taste so fucking good, sweetheart." He whispered. He closed his eyes and curled his tongue inside you.

Heat worked it's way from Poe's mouth, through your body, to escape through your shaking hands.  

Poe moved and began to lick rapidly at your clit and then worked back down to your entrance.

You yelped and your legs tensed around his head. You had to stop yourself from crushing his skull.

"Ow, baby." He smiled, pushing your legs gently apart again. His mouth moved back upwards to suck on your clit and then gently ran the pad of his thumb over your entrance before inserting a finger into you.

You cried out and you could feel his finger jerking quickly inside you. "Maker, fuck!" You exclaimed, your hand tensing in Poe's onyx-colored hair. Your thighs seized around his head and your eyes jerked up to watch him. You could feel your body tensing on the verge of orgasm, deathly close to falling over the edge.

He moved his hand even quicker now, the wetness of you squelching around him. His eyes met yours as his mouth moved from your clit to kiss you. Your wetness was still on his lips as his skin pressed into yours.

You happily licked the moisture off of him, reaching your tongue in his mouth as his finger jerked rapidly inside you.

"Close, sweetheart?" He asked, momentarily breaking your contact.

You nodded and gasped as he moved his thumb to work your clit in his other hands absence. Both of his fingers moved in unison and the new sensation quickly overwhelmed you.

Like the crack of a whip, tendrils of warmth overcame your body, leaving your mind lightheaded. You felt your muscles clench around his finger and your body begin to shudder. You yanked his hair, hard, and let out multiple loud yelps as your orgasm barreled through you. Waves of uncontrollable pleasure crashed into you, clearing your mind of absolutely everything except Poe Dameron.

Speaking of, the man leaned to press steadying kisses to the space in between your breasts. His hands slowed inside you as your body shook against his own. Slowly, he pulled his finger out of you. He whispered, his breath hot on your neck. "Can I put my cock inside you, sweetheart?"

You forced your water-logged head up from the pillow and breathed, "You?" hoping he would know what you meant.

Poe shook his head no as he moved to take one of your erect nipples in his mouth. The stubble on his face scratched your delicate skin. "It's all for you this time."

You moaned and your back lifted off the mattress below you. "Please." You said through gritted teeth.

Poe ran your nub in between his teeth gently, twisting back and forth. "Is that a yes?"

You groaned, half in frustration and half in pleasure. "Poe, please fuck me." Your back jerking from the feeling of his mouth on your sensitive skin.

The pilot smirked and released your breast from his mouth. He sat back on his haunches and began to line his now fully erect penis up with your dripping cunt.

You pulled your bottom lip inside your mouth as a sweet pressure overwhelmed you. Your eyebrows pulled together and you allowed your head to fall back against the pillow behind you. You could feel your body adjusting to him, and after you nodded that you were ready, Poe began to move.

The man breathed out through his teeth and grunted in pleasure. His body slowly moved above yours, his cock kissing every ridge inside you.

You closed your eyes and felt pleasure melt down your shoulders and drip down your naked body. You began to mirror Poe's movements, absorbing the force of his thrusts.

One of Poe's wide hands took your jaw in it's grasp. He moved it downwards so that your eyes looked into his. "Look at me, baby." He growled.

You felt yourself clench around him and you moaned in response, your eyes automatically flitting closed.

His grip on your jaw tightened as the force of his thrusts ricocheted through your body. Poe moaned loudly.  "Look at me while I fuck you."

You exclaimed and forced your eyes to open.

Poe's deep brown eyes locked onto yours, pulling you to fall into him. To trust him. To spend your life with him. He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth as he watched your face twist up in pleasure.

The intensity of his gaze easily overwhelmed you and sent shivers down your body.

Poe wrapped a hand behind your head to cup your neck and rested the other on your thigh pressed against his. "Sit up."

"What?" You asked, your breath shallow in your chest.

"Sit up." Poe repeated, gently moving his dick out of you.

You moaned without him and had to wrangle your focus to sit yourself upright.

Poe took both of your legs and wrapped them around his hips.

You hoisted yourself up and sat flush against his chest. Your arms wrapped around his neck and your lips pulled on a spot on his smooth chest.

The pilot lined himself up with you again and then gently pushed your hips down onto himself.

Your mouth flew open and your head reared back. Your eyebrows tensed, your eyes closed, and an undiscovered pressure filled your abdomen. Your head lolled to the side and a loud moan escaped you. You forced your eyes open and watched Poe's face as you settled around him.

The General moaned and sucked in air through his teeth. "Holy shit. Does that feel good to you?" His voice airy and dark.

"Oh my god, yes." You whispered. You took his chain in your mouth and began to kiss the soft skin where it had been.

Poe began to thrust himself upwards into you and the pair of you exclaimed loudly.

You clenched his bare back in your grasp.

Poe held your ass in his hands, spreading you to fit better around him. He moved slowly at first, both of you getting used to the new position.

Overwhelming desire moved you to bite the meat of Poe's neck gently. Your body shook against his.

As much as he could in this position, Poe worked to piston his dick in and out of you, forcing you to relish every ridge and friction he gave you.

Your toes curled and tears pricked at the sides of your vision. "Fuck, baby." You cooed.

Poe growled and pulled your collarbone into his mouth harshly. "I never want to fuck anyone else but you." He whispered.

You exclaimed and tears fell from your eyes. You felt yourself clamp down on Poe's dick and heard him moan in response. "I'm-" Your head lolled backwards. "Oh my god, I'm gonna cum."

"Cum for me, sweetheart. Cum all over me." He whispered, his words shot warm rockets across your bare chest. His hips thrust harder now, running to snatch your orgasm from you.

You screamed and your body began to shake violently. Your muscles all seemed to take a deep breath, rejuvenated by the man in front of you. Your vision blurred and your mind was overwhelmed by the sensation of Poe inside you.

Poe pulled you flush to his chest, pressing a centering hand to your back. His mouth softly kissed your shoulder and his cock moved still.

You moaned as the last of your trembles left you and consciousness seemed to return.

Poe let you fall to the mattress below him.

Your head lolled from side to side and your eyes flitted open. "Holy shit." You breathed, reaching out to curl your fingers in Poe's hair. "Where'd you learn that one?"

The pilot placed a burning kiss to your lips and replied, "Kijimii."

You snickered as he began to suck on your earlobe and neck. "You want me to take care of you?" You asked, your voice breathy.

"I'm not done with you yet, sweetheart."

FOLKLORE TAG LIST: @enamoured-x​ @mcolbz14​

What did you think? I really hope you enjoyed reading my work. Just your liking / re-blogging it means a lot. If you have a moment, I would love to hear your thoughts! Tell me what you think via my ask box or a comment always warms my heart!! Thank you again for reading!

Need more reading material? You can visit my Masterlist for more Oscar Isaac character content, as well as my other works.

Want to be kept in the loop? Let me know so I can put your handle in my taglist form. Right now, I’m writing for Poe Dameron, Santiago Pope Garcia, and Din Djarin, but I have plans to expand my SW character list, and eventually add in my favorites from the MCU as well.

Thanks again for reading! Sending love! -hai

[randomsevans]

FOR THE LOVE OF COFFEE

Part 1

Warning:language being used .

The annoying bleeps of your alarm zap you back into your boring reality. Well you wouldnt really call it boring just more that nothing new ever seems to happen . But to be fair you havnt got anything to really complain about . You have a stable job down streets working in the cafe ,a good boss (who so happens to be your landlord and has let you rent the flat above at a reasonable price) , your in your final year of your 5 years of university studying law and politics . Your not gonna lie it's been hard but it will be worth it one day .while living ,working, learning in your favourite place in the world ,LONDON, yeah it's not everyone cup if tea but you love it , the busy streets , everything changing in a blink of an eye it makes you feel alive .

London was a place you always wanted to end up, from being from the north of England life is completely different and if anymore tells you different, well your not exactly the stereotypical brit .your not saying you dont enjoy home, its beautiful, peaceful and now and then you find yourself missing it, but london is now your home and hopefully forever will be .

You moved to London for your education which has been your plan since 15 and knowing law and policies was your future. You had always found your self passionate about politic during school and for a teen everyone found it strange or that you never knew what you was talking about because of your age when in reality you probably knew more on how your government works and is voted in then the people telling your too young to understand. (You swear you must of been a granny in a past life, you wasnt stereotypical british teenage on the street with cheap cider).when ever you told people (your family) your future plan, thed just laugh, you was never the most educademic ,with suffing from dyslexia, but that never stop you always determine and wanting to prove teacher wrong with there low targets and experiences of you. And you did just that and futher , coming with good grades and a big fuck you to your school . Quite literally you shout "bye mother fuckers" as you left your school gates for the last time on result day . Your not exactly the most ... how would your say this .. stereotypical British person with "thank you" and "sorry " well you do , do it (that just manners ) , your not afeared to speak your mind. , known as the mounthy bitchy one in your group of friends which followd you down to london all doingthere own thing, with the cafe being your hang out stop, friends since well as long as you can remember really most of them a mix of year 7 and 8 so 11 and 12 years old making that about a friendship of 13 years (oh god I feel old ). You didnt need to apply to every university in London but you did , you knew you wanted to be here and here you are .

As as the beeping of your alarm continues , you know it's time to get up.

"Uggghhhh" throwing your covers to one side of the bed rather dramatically, your swing your legs to the edge of the bed while your body still lays down , hoping maybe you can just float your day away. With the little energy you have , you begin your normal 6am Saturday routine.

After an hour of getting ready and sneaking your way into the cafe and making your self an iced caramel latte . So you would think of someone who works in a cafe thed love coffee , uh nope ! Hot coffee in your eyes is the devils bitter juice it's just ... awful. But iced coffee on the other hand is heaven, you don't know why you like iced some much even tho hating hot , maybe just your sweet tooth but coffee was something you could live without before moving to the city now it's a life line .

7 am rolls around and your fully ready , currently rereading your assignment due in two week , which is currently at one sentence but ha you still got time , you kept telling your self , it's on your view on ameircan policies and law and how it effect their society .And let's just say your every opinionated so this assignment will be easy enough.

After a quick glance at your assignment, it was time to open , the cafe . Today you had a long shift but you can get by . You enjoy your work as much as sometime you get the odd rude customer, every other one is nice, you enjoy the interaction. To be honest you dont see your self ever not working in the cafe , with or with out your future law degree.

Once the shutter rose and you unlocked the door , you turn to counter and began to prepare coffees and the odd drink or two for your regular that will be around shor enough.

'Ding !'

You wiped your head around , and saw you boss lucy with a big grin on her face, (probable for her new boyfriend). You never could quite understand how she would have so much energy this early in the morning.

"Good morning y/n" lucy spoke as she had her back turned to you as she opened the cashier while you worked on the drinks.

"Is it a good morning?" You questioned with your cocky tone ,you couldn't help but smirk .

"Yes it is , why you always got to be so negative?"lucy joking said .

"Is my brand , what can I say , I know no other way ."

"Yeah well maybe it's time someone taught ya "

"No thank you, I'm happy the way iam "its true you might be miserable most the time , but your happy that way , you never understand why people cant see that .

"I'm just saying maybe if you got your head away from your books , and your continues viewing of doctor who then maybe you could have more of a social life "she smirked

"Huhhh! How dare you "you dramatically turned to face her , pretending to be hurt .

"One I have social life, and two dont you ever EVER disrespect my religion "

"Doctor who is not a religion "she rolled her eyes .

"Maybe not to you . But those 12 men and one women are my gods and will worship then with ever waking moment " to be honest you went exactly joking, you fuckin love doctor who , want can you say , you love it ever since you were a kid , it give you the odd comfort, its always been there , and hopefully always will , you love for the show is strong to say the least .

"God always so dramatic "lucy laught you off. She always knew you were either reading you school booked or knees deep into a marathon of your favourite timelord .

'Ding !'

And with that the first customer of the day enters and your work begins.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

[yuyungi]

pls ignore just a vent/ramble post

My manager complimented me today, saying I've lost weight and that I look great. which honestly made me so happy and has boosted me up so much. She asked how am i doing it, and has me swapping to shopfloor helped me lose it, and was like yeah ive just been cutting the crap out and i agreed that shopfloor has helped

Obviously I wasn't going to tell her that I only have 1 meal a day and that during the day I dont have anything until I feel sick, or like I'm going to pass out, which normally happens around 3pm even then I just have something small to get me through the rest of my shift. I normally do 6-8 hour shifts 5 or 6 days a week, and it's a physical job too. Some shifts are so mentally and physically draining that i don't eat at all, i just keep hydrated as i just cant bring myself to eat. It's been a few months now and honestly I feel like I'm on the right track with what I'm doing, I've noticed that some of my clothes are getting baggy on me and it honestly makes me feel so good. I think I'm definitely going to keep this up for awhile

Ok so i never talk about my eating habits and writing this out its just clicked as to why I say yes to extra shifts, like on one hand it's more money but on the other hand I can control what I eat

[altheterrible]

Hmm well I haven't had the fortune to just die which is pretty sad because now I have to go to work.

I'm so fucking tired all the time and my new doctor was like "well it's probably the uncontrolled diabetes and sleep apnea" and then she looked at my bloodwork results and it turned into "yeah it's probably the kidney and liver failure."

I was supposed to go get repeat labs done today but my sister's car is broken down again and no one would pick up on Uber or Lyft so. Unfortunate. Ridesharing in the era of COVID is a nightmare. I miss Detroit, when I could get a ride any time, day or night, within 10 minutes.

I'm pissy because third shift was late last night and I missed my Uber home because I can't leave until they show up. I had to get another one which took 45 minutes to show up. Then, one of the third shifters smelled very strongly of marijuana. Like, ok, do whatever you want on your own time, but when you're responsible for the wellbeing of other people, don't come to work high.

One of my coworkers legitimately asked me "Why do you do everything they [the residents] ask you to?" and after staring at her dumbfounded for a few seconds I was like, "because they're human beings and we take away their capacity to do anything on their own, so they need help with everything and HAVING TO WAIT TO TAKE A SHOWER BECAUSE SOMEONE WON'T GO GET YOU SOME SHAMPOO IS DEHUMANIZING." Like honestly. We had a new admit yesterday and she'd been there for 8 hours and she was still in the hospital gown she showed up in because no one would inventory her clothes and give them back. Seriously. I know how awful it feels wearing a hospital gown when everyone around you is in normal clothes, and it's not a good feeling. I inventoried her clothes ASAP and it took maybe 5 minutes. Five minutes to make someone feel like a person. Ugh.

I know I write about my job too much but I only have my sister to talk to about this stuff. She worked as a librarian in a men's prison and she knows all about how shitty and useless these institutions are. I know I'm not helping anyone. I'm not a therapist. I should not be the main provider of mental healthcare that the residents see in a day. When I applied, I thought I'd be doing things like meal prep, cleaning up, supervising downtime, taking the residents on outings etc. And I do those thing, but I also pass meds, lead group therapy, talk residents down when they're having flashbacks from their PTSD, calm panic attacks, provide first aid, and talk down residents who are self harming or want to self harm. They have regular therapy once a week, same as they would on the outside, so it's so clear that this place is just a holding pen.

The second unit I work at is an open unit for patients stepping up from the other unit. Open means they can come and go as they please, as long as they have earned "community access" by exhibiting safe behavior. This unit is both better and worse than the first one. Better, because there's an actual kitchen in which the residents can cook themselves actual food, they get furniture that isn't made out of hard plastic, they can go outside to smoke/take a walk/ get some air, there's no alarms on the doors to the courtyard, they can have jobs if they're so inclined, they can have laptops, cell phones, and other electronics. But therapy is even more of a joke. They get real therapy once a week, and then 5 times a day there's "group therapy" but there really isn't. There'll be a worksheet to fill out or a drawing to color in, and that's group, so of course no one goes. The silverwear is inventoried every night and locked in a drawer. The cooking knives are in a literal safe in the med room. Residents still have to ask for things like toilet paper, paper towels, etc.

Idk. My life is such a flaming shitshow right now. I made a joke about buying a shotgun to blow my brains out, and how I couldn't because my bank account was overdrawn, and it was less of a joke than a statement of fact. My sister says I can't commit suicide because then she'd have to pay rent alone, and I mean, that's legit. I have an interview with CVS on Friday, and even 20 hours a week with them would be about $2000 a paycheck. I'd probably keep my other job(s), as long as I don't like, die from exhaustion. Honestly I'm not even sure if I want to be a pharmacist anymore. I'm in the process of applying to medical school so I can become a psychiatrist and work for CMH so they have young doctor who's up to date on all the newest treatment methods instead of the old fucking retired white men still writing prescriptions for MAOIs.

Speaking of CMH, I'm supposed to have an intake interview with them next week. I was a little hesitant about it, but my current therapist is pretty bad in terms of scheduling and like, you know, remembering me. When I say being forgotten is my #1 trigger, I'm not exaggerating or being dramatic. My family dynamic growing up was one in which I was the least important member of the household, and was reminded of this constantly. My needs were not important, I did not merit attention, no one cared about me. No one outside of my family cared about me because I wasn't obviously abused/obviously mentally ill/obviously in need of attention. I've been unwanted my entire life and then I start to get these shreds of trust that someone actually cares about me and I find out no, they don't, I'm not even enough of a priority to cancel an appointment ahead of time, just let me wait and wait and wait.

Sorry about how long this is. I bought a physical keyboard to pair with my tablet instead of throwing $500 away on a chromebook that literally has worse specs than my tablet. So I can ramble with much more ease and type angrily with satisfying keyboard tapping sounds,