#but you dont listen. and even if you could you wouldn't. you prefer the world engulfed in flames and screams of fear and despair. after all

[fosermi]

Shadow is hiding away and avoiding everyone and Wade is very worried about what could be wrong.

Then he hears cries and runs in, to see little wings have sprouted from Shadow's back

OK SO, TWO THINGS:

First, I WILL DRAW SOMETHING FOR THIS, I DONT KNOW WHAT YET BUT I WILL!!!

Second, enjoy this lil concoction my brain came up with :D

Normal. Wade would call this day pretty normal. A weekend taking care of his three alien kids. Others may say it's not normal but to Wade? This is their normal, and no one can tell them otherwise. He was glad that it was his day off, it allowed him more time to spend with his kids, watching a movie and overall just enjoying a relatively quiet life. A hug from Silver, a soft sound of contentment from Shadow, and the way Eclipse snuggled against him when the other two weren't looking.

Wade was proud of how they all came together as a family despite their... rocky start. He wouldn't change anything for the world.

Wade gently ran a hand through silver's quills gently, assured that they were smoothed down and relaxed. He knew that his sons all liked some form of physical connection with him but he also knew their preferences for when. Silver was just the one to like openly showing such signs of affections. Shadow was more subtle but he still enjoyed a few head pats and hugs every now and again. Eclipse says he doesn’t like such things, but silently craves it.

Everything was normal. Normal and peaceful for once. Yet there was this nagging feeling at the back of Wade's mind- something telling him that this was wrong. Something was severely wrong. He couldn't quite tell what was wrong, only that something was wrong. Today was just a bit too quiet.

Halfway through the movie "Rise of the Guardians", Shadow had let out a quiet grunt and got up and out of his comfortable spot against Wade and headed off towards his and Silver's room. The look that crossed between Silver and Eclipse didn't go unnoticed by Wade. he might not be the sharpest tool in the shed at times but he knew his kids. Silver and Eclipse never did see things eye to eye, except when it came to Shadow. 

Before Wade could even ask what was wrong, Eclipse wordlessly got off of the couch and made his way towards where Shadow had disappeared to. Neither Wade nor Silver went back to watching the movie, having practically forgotten about it by this turn of events. Reaching over for the remote, Wade shut off the TV and allowed Silver to snuggle closer to him. 

“Silver?” Wade finally asked after observing the silver hedgehog closely, taking note of how his ear flicked towards the direction of his and Shadow’s rooms.

“Hm…?” Silver could only let out a small hum, his focus seemingly taken by listening in on what was happening between Shadow and Eclipse.

"What's wrong buddy?" Silver's ear flicked again as he buried his face into his father's arms.

"It's nothing..."

"Come on buddy, you can tell me." Silver looked up to Wade and frowned slightly. Taking a quick glance towards his room, Silver let out a small whine. Wade only ran his hand through Silver's quills again in an attempt to comfort his son.

"Shadow doesn't want me to tell you..."

"Why's that?"

"..."

"..."

"Shadow said he wasn't feeling good... even Eclipse noticed." Silver admitted, half curling up in Wade's arms. He knew his brother would be mad, but Silver really didn't know what to do. He wanted Shadow to be OK, to be safe. But this was the first time Shadow had said he didn't feel too well and Silver needed to tell someone, but he didn't want to make Shadow mad either.

Wade frowned softly, offering his middle son a comforting hug, telling him that he did the right thing telling him. But Wade also worried for his eldest. He knew Shadow couldn't get sick, so what else could it have been?

That was when both Silver and Wade startled at the sudden loud thud from the other room and a yell from both Eclipse and Shadow. Paling, Wade instantly shot up from the couch, followed closely by Silver, the grey hedgehog's hands glowing faintly in preparation for whatever had caused the other two members of their family yell.

"Eclipse!" Upon turning the corner, Wade instantly rushed over to Eclipse's side, fretting over the alien.

Eclipse was sprawled against the wall opposing the door from Silver and Shadow's room, the door torn from its hinges. Eclipse groaned softly, clutching onto his arm. It was definitely dislocated. "S-shadow..." Eclipse groaned softly, attempting to get up only to be caught by Silver's psychokenisis.

"Eclipse what happened?" Wade demanded, helping Silver set down Eclipse against the wall so he wouldn't rush up again.

"S-Shadow... Shadow! He's not alright!" Eclipse managed to whimper before letting out a yell of pain as he held onto his head, his tail lashing wildly. "Stop!! Make him stop!!" The Darkling whimpered trying to block out the sudden influx of noise in his head.

A second scream tore through the house. Shadow's scream.

Silver froze on the spot, scared of what was happening. Wade however didn't. His son was in pain. And nothing would stop him from protecting his son- no matter what.

"Silver, watch Eclipse." With that, Wade swiftly made his way into the room, scanning everything quickly to find Shadow on the far wall on his hands and knees heaving heavily. His back was facing towards Wade.

Quickly Wade rushed to his eldest side. Worry and panic being pushed down by the determination to see his son alright again. "Shadow?" Wade called out in hopes to get a reaction from the black hedgehog.

He did get a reaction, but not one he was expecting. Shadow's head snapped up towards Wade, a low, intense growl. A growl like that of a hungry, hungry beast.

Wade froze for a second, his eyes widening at the sight. In front of him, Shadow was hunched over on all fours, large tears rolling down his muzzle, his quills all raised and sparking with a similar energy to that of Sonic's. His gloved were discarded off to the side, his claws in full display. On his forehead, a large glowing yellow black and yellow eye. Two lumps on his back began to grow as Shadow suddenly pounced.

Wade only had a millisecond to dodge the sudden attack from his own son. However wade had been too slow as Shadow latched onto Wade's shoulder with his teeth, his claws digging right into his arm as Shadow forced Wade to slam into the wall head first. Wade hissed in pain, biting back a curse and the flash of white in his vision.

Wade winced as pain shot up his arm and head. He was pretty sure he had a concussion and a fractured arm, having been practically pinned down by Shadow's superior strength at full force. Shakily, Wade lifted up his other arm slowly, earning a louder growl from Shadow as he bit down harder.

Wade bit on his tongue to not yell in pain. Instead he forced himself to reach out and gently stroke Shadow between the shoulder blades, where the two lumps grew into strange wings. But Wade didn't question it. He needed to get his son to calm down.

"S-shhh... its OK..." Wade whispered, rubbing gently circles against Shadow's back. "It's alright Shadow, I'm here... I won't let you go."

Wade couldn't tell how long he and Shadow stayed like that, in fact he didn't really care. All he cared about was Shadow's state. But it was starting to get really hard to stay focused. Eventually the pressure on his shoulder disappeared, and in his warm embrace sobbed Shadow, holding on tightly onto Wade and apologising quietly.

"Shh... i-its alright, blackberry... you're safe now..." Seeing how his son's eyes had cleared from whatever frenzy that was made Wade sigh in relief. Allowing himself to slip into unconsciousness. All he heard as it faded to black was Shadow's panicked yell for help and Silver's gasp.

...

When Wade opened his eyes again, everything was white. White and bright. There was a tight pressure around his arm and shoulder and there was an underlying twinge of pain accompanying any movement. At least he knew he wasn't dead.

His thoughts immediate turned to his sons. He wondered where they were when suddenly a grey and red head peaked out from the corner of his vision.

Eclipse stood there, holding out a bouquet of freshly picked flowers, his eyes wide as he stared at Wade. Dropping the flowers, Eclipse instantly rushed to his side, tears stinging the corner of his eyes as he rushed in for a hug. "Wade!!!"

The sudden exclamation caused a silver head to pop up from the foot of the bed. "Huh?! Wha- DAD!!" his drowsiness disappeared at the sight of Wade being awake.

"H-Hey boys..." Wade winced, his voice was so hoarse. How long had he been asleep?

Silver sniffled and held onto Wade tightly. "You're finally awake!! You wouldn't wake up!"

"Yeah! You were asleep for three days! I got really cold!" Eclipse complained but there was a shakiness to his voice, suggesting his relief.

"Sorry..." Wade couldn't help but smile, but soon his smile disappeared as he looked around. "Where's shadow...?"

Silver and Eclipse exchanged a look again as they continued to cling to Wade. The first to speak up was Silver. "Shadow... didn't leave the room or eated since..." his ears drooped.

Wade couldn't help the frown at the news. He couldn't help but worry. "C-could you call him...?"

With a quick nod from Eclipse, Shadow appeared only moments later. The black hedgehog stood off to the corner, his eyes wide and full of hope. He hesitated for a moment but then quickly rushed forward to hug Wade when Wade gave Shadow one of his smiles.

Shadow was allowed onto Wade's lap, having needed to be comforted more than his brothers right now. It wasn't easy knowing you were the reason your own dad was hospitalised, that's why Wade was going to make sure that Shadow knew well that he wasn't at fault here.

"I'm sorry...." Shadow finally whispered, nuzzling closer to Wade after calming down his sobs.

"And I forgive you, Shadow." Wade smiled offered Shadow a hug while running his fingers through his eldesg son's quills. Gently, Wade cupped Shadow's cheek and made him look at him directly.

Wade was quiet for a moment before a wider smile crossed his face. "Didn't know hedgehogs have three eyes and wings. That's pretty cool!" Shadow's breath hitched and a whine escaped him. Seeing the signs of insecurity, Wade leaned over and gave shadow a small, tender kiss on the top of his head, just above the third eye. "I love you shadow. No matter what."

It was like a dam had broken as shadow began wailing and sobbing harder, clinging tightly onto Wade soon being joined in by Silver and Eclipse on cuddling their dad. Wade didn't mind. His boys were safe and that was all that mattered.

"I love you three. So much..."

"Love you too, dad." Silver replied back sniffling slightly, glad to have his dad back.

It would get some getting used to, but that was normal for Wade. It was normal for their little strange family.

-----

EXCUSE THE SLOPPY WRITING ITS LATE!!!

[lostiolite]

order up! Pt. 1

1.5K words

AN: yes the header is the shinonome valentines card, i felt it encapsulated the aesthetic of the restaurant really well…

forgive me for how ooc chisaki is </3 // NOT BETA READ

Im probably gonna rewrite / edit :/ fix this

You worked at a rather unique restaurant. The fact that you landed such a well paying and safe job was surprising, especially as you were quirkless. The thing is, people aren’t that fond of hiring quirkless people, especially if it was a well respected job. They would take someone with a quirk over your quirkless ass anyday, even if their quirk was usless for the job position.

It seems that the owner, Hyugo, either took pity or preferred quirkless people. Perhaps it was a mixture of the both. He was very sympathetic to your desperation for the job, but he also said that, “quirkless people worked harder”. He was right.

The thing is quirkless people have more to lose when it comes to their jobs. NO matter how useless someone's quirk was, they could probably find a job that would utilize their natural-born talents.

The restaurant was interesting… to say the least. It was very high quality, with extremely high hygienic rules that even most restaurants didn't have in Japan. As kind as Hyugo was, he was the world's number one germaphobe. He prided himself in the quality of the customer service, if it wasn't good enough to serve to him, then it wasn’t good to serve to anyone in his restaurant. Most of the waiters wear a mask, even though it's not required, most of the workers just go above and beyond to ensure the hygienic quality of the food, you included. You all like your jobs, as laborious as it is, you get to meet interesting people.

That brings you to now, you are serving an old man, two young men your age, one brunette wearing a black medical mask and the other with silver arrow-shaped hair, and… a small, plushie-looking dude… you wonder if thats a mutation quirk, or an emitter quirk. The old man is rather friendly, despite being yakuza, at least youthink, or hes part of some organized crime organization. The restaurant has a policy regarding villans and criminals, if they dont cause trouble, then you didn't see anything. The man seems to have a permanent smile.

“Not a fan of germs are you?” He says as he takes a seat, he takes a quick glance at the brunnette, whos staring at you with malice.

“Oh- no, its for hygienic reasons, the owner’s a huge germaphobe. He takes the restaurants hygiene very seriously” you respond as you get your notepad out. “Do you need time to look over the menu? Or would you like to order your drinks and appetizers now?"

“Give us a minute please”

“Alright, ill be back in a second” you depart fron the table, going to check on other tables.

Your very speedy and efficient, you've been working for Hyugo for about 2 years? You've seen Hyugo at work for about a year before that, your 17 now. You were young and needed a job after some… unfortunate events, ones you wouldn't like to remember. Since you've basically lived at the restaurant for the past 3 years you know it like the back of your hand.

Your serving the table with the pressumed yakuza men with extreme proffiency, the brunnette and the white haired men are conversing, however you cant help but feel the bruning gaze of the brunnete, as if he is chastising your every move.

“You’re very good at your job? How old are you? You seem rather young." the elder asks you curiously, at his voice, the rest of the table goes quiet to listen in on your conversation. All four men starring at you, making you feel quite uncomfortable.

“Thank you, I can't afford to lose my job” you laugh, though albeit awkwardly. “Its hard to find such a well paying job being quirkless” you pause for a moment. “And yes, im 17, ive known the owner for awhile so i learned the in-and-outs of the restaurant very early on”. though your mouth is covered, your eyes convey a smile.

“Wow! Your very responsible and amicable” he chuckles turning to the brunnette beside him. “Kai, you could learn a thing or two from them”. The brunnette looks back at you, his stare less malicious than before, but still malicious. You laugh along, “thank you, is there anything else i can get for you? Or will that be all?"

“Thats all”. You bow a little, before returning to your other duties, still mildly unnerved by the previous table. There was this sense of extreme seriousness and poison despite the old mans altruism. You have a feeling in your gut telling you there is something wrong with the Gold-eyed boy.

You feel the violent stare of the brunnette as you work. Its different than when he first laid eyes on you. At first he seemed to look at you like you were a bug, someone beneath him, unworthy of his presence. but now, it seems like hes looking at you as if you were a zoo animal. Both are bad, but the latter is better. you can tell he’s analyzing you, by the looks of it he seems anti-social. Thinking of the old mans question, he was probably also a germaphobe. Just like Hyugo.

They leave without issue, with the old man extremely pleased, biding you a nice farewell as they leave, you respond with a “come again!" before looking away. The rest of the group kind of erks you.

What an odd bunch you think. However, you don't linger on that thought for long. You run into far more intresting and dangerous people on the daily, for example- you take a second look. Holy shit- one of your co-workers is serving for Sir Nighteye. Hes in the corner out of sight from most of the guests, which makes sense considering his position. But it wows you nonetheless.

The rest of the day goes without anything of note. Youve finished your shift and are sitting at a table with your friend Chiyo, eating dinner. Shes a kind girl, shoulder length grey-red hair, and bright ruby eyes. Shes Hyugo’s neice and has a passion for culinary. She was there for you at your worst, even when you weren't as stable.

A few days later you wait for the same group of people, the old man flashing you a vivacious smile.

“Oh its you! How are you?" he asks as he sits down.

“Im good!” you say flashing hin a friendly smile, you scrunch your eyes as much as you can to get the message across, second nature from wearing a mask so often."im assuming you enjoy your experience last time?”

“Yes, the food was nice." he says looking to the rest of the group, silent, but they all give him a nod of agreeance. You feel awkward, you wonder why its only the old man making conversation with you. Your eyes accidentally lock with the arrow-haired boy.

“We would all like water please.” he says

“Alright! Ill get that started for you. Anything else?" you resoond, slightly startled, you sort of expected for knly the old man to speak.

“No, thank you”

“Alright!" you scrunch your eyes, and get their water.

Once again you feel golden eyes burning your back as you work. Seriously what was his problem? You wonder if they are going to become regulars, or maybe they're gonna get tired of this place after a few visits.

Two weeks have passed, and you see the same brunette and his white hair friend walk in, no old man or walking plushie in sight, which is new. for the past two weeks, they have come in 4 times. in that two weeks you have come to find out that kai, surname Chisaki is the elder mans successor, you cant tell if thats his son or his grandson. Irinaka has an emitter quirk, meaning he can freely change out of that plushie form when he wants. Though you don't know the full extent of his quirk. Kurono, the white arrow haired man, is Chisakis childhood friend and close confidant. from how often they have come in it seems like they like this place. You notice the host place them in a table outside of your region, meaning that you wont serve them. oh well, not your problem. You’re about to go back to work before you realize you're making eye contact with chisaki as he is led to his table. Your avert your gaze, they make you kinda uneasy, especially since the old man isn't around, you can’t imagine how dry talking to them would be. Thank god your not serving them today.

Out of curiosity you look back at them and your co-worker who is going to server them today. What takes you by surprise is the way Chisakis face- though masked, contorts in disgust and offense when he sees your co-worker approach. His eyes immediately dart to you like a lost puppy, then back at the co-worker with disgust, then back to you. You shrug while smiling extremely awkwardly and you turn back to continue working.

You weren't expecting that.

But holy shit it was kind of cute.

———

AN: Should reader be a theater kid, an artist or something else? I listened to a few hamilton songs while writing this and even though idk shit about theatre i kinda want reader to be a theater kid, then again i know the most about art because, im an artist. I ALSO DREW CHISAKI so yeah uh yeah :D, I have another fic to continue writing that i posted on ao3

[uselessmicrowave]

HII i was the anon asking for a matchup hehe (both bots and cons, literally anyone) im just so interested and excited abt the matchup since its my first time doing one :DDD

Im quite short, around (5'6), i have a darker shade of green eyes (w long lashes) and long black hair with pink highlights that end around my mid back, (it's quite curly too); im very pale, and i mean "the first time they see me they tell me im a vampire" kind of pale, i have plump lips that are pink, kinda like a blushy pink! I have an ear piercing, and some snakebites, tho it's not pierced, its those ones where you can hook them on, ive also got a thing for silver rings (one is vine like and the other is a silver snake that goes up halfway on my pointer finger [i love snakes]; on my right hand tho is a single gold ring)

On how i dress, i usually do not give any fucks- literally, i just throw anything on (my usual fit is a black shirt, and some soft pants)

I'm an INTP (for some reference since i really suck at describing things) Me as i describe myself, am a very quiet person, quiet as in "my friends forgot i was in the backseat" kind of quiet, im usually a homebody, literally, another reason why i get called a vampire is that i hate sunlight, alot, i dont like going out as much as my friends do, since i hate loud and public places tho i would really be down to hangout with them whenever. I always keep to myself and refrain from ever speaking out, always observing, and just listening; but when i get closer to someone and get to know them more i usually get loud and very talkative. Even tho im always patient doesn't mean i wouldn't punch someone if they mess w me or my friends, as i could really have a high temper; on a side note, im very patient! Really im not even kidding i literally put up with someone's shit for 3 years and still going.

Hobbies or things i generally like/ like to do is art!! Mostly digital art, you'll always see me with my tablet everywhere i go, and i rarely share them as i have absolutely zero confidence, i also love to read! (Fav being tolkien books, both LoTR and TH) i also write my own stories and could be so into world building, its taking me 3 years to actually build my world properly. I love music like its not even funny; aside from seeing me w my tablet, i guarantee you'll always see me wearing earphones and jamming, im a sucker for roadtrips while i gaze outside just daydreaming and forgetting about reality (im a hardcore daydreamer). I really dont have a certain music taste since i just play whatever sounds good!!

Hello anon! I’ll match you up with TFA Prowl!

Prowl is fascinated by your piercings. How do you get one? Does it cause daily issues? How do you take care of them? What are the other kinds (He'll keep these questions to himself though, but he will encourage you if you start rambling about it or want to talk about it)?

He's also very quiet compared to the other bots, and he'd prefer to have a 'home date' or just hang out with you somewhere outside in a quiet and shady area.

Prowl is glad you get talkative when you two are alone, because he really won't speak up about anything unless it's dire or bothering him an insane amount.

He is very interested in your digital art process, he'd love to watch you draw if you'd let him.

You'll have to introduce you to your favorite authors and books if you want him to understand a specific reference/joke.

He's amazed that you had taken three years to... make a world? He doesn't completely understand but, tell him about it, please, he'd love to hear about it.

If he sees you wearing headphones/earbuds, he'll ask what song or what artist you're listening to, especially if you look like you're enjoying it.

[iheartmoons]

heyooo so this is a lot and you don’t have to answer all of them!!

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

7: What’s your strangest talent?

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

23: How do you vent your anger?

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

82: What is your favourite word?

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

omg hey this is from a long time ago

2: ummmm YOU !! apart from you, i have absolutely no idea? i'm actually really content with what i have rn and wouldn't want to meet any celebrity. but yes. literally you. i also would wanna meet some other mutuals!! (but like 96% i wanna meet u)

7: i don't have any strange talents :( the funny thing is i have literally zero tricks. even the SIMPLIST things. like i can't cross my eyes, roll my tongue, click my fingers, any of that. in fact, my quirk is the fact that i HAVE no quirks. can't do anything 🤪 although i can hula hoop really well? like switch the hoops through different limbs? does that count as strange?

15: OHHHH behind the camera. ofc. i would die to be a director at some point in my life (never gonna happen). also i just always take pics of other people/things

23: MY DIARY OFC !!! its good for the soul. i have 8 diaries as of so far, and they're working. (also i send you voice messages x)

26: hmmmm yes! i definitely think there are some things about myself that i wish were different, because i'm a very flawed person personality-wise. but i am happy. i can do cool things like write books and crochet and make art. so that's good enough i think

28: would it be crazy if i said i have no "what ifs?" like idk??? maybeee uh what if i hadn't rejected that one person/confronted that one person (you know who). but the thing is i know what wld happen. we'd fall apart and end up hating each other OR i'd just awkwardly break up with them cause i lost interest.

70: ummmmmm i have no idea. i think personality-wise no. cause i'm just very blunt and not very patient and can sound condescending, which i think makes my friends dislike me sometimes. i'm simultaneously a very sensitive person, so i dont think i could handle being friends with myself. BUT i would love to have someone who's like me in other aspects. e.g. i would love a friend who also crochets + reads my type of books + listens to the same music as me etc.

74: oohhhhh 'about you' by the 1975

82: OMG I HAVE A FAVOURITE WORD it's solstice.

84: i have no idea tbh...

99: OH MY GOD. that hits hard wtf. um i have no idea, but i'll get back to u on that

sorry if some of this doesn't make sense i am sleep deprived x

[theonemarvelousness]

im not sure if your request are open or not,, but like,,,

could you do a fic with vil and no???

with no wei subtly comforting vil after he's had a bad day and something with neige popped up???

i just really like this pairing,,,

if you dont want to that's totally fine with me!

[I am literally always up for writing requests even if it takes me awhile because I need inspiration. Lucky for you Vil x No is in my wheelhouse TODAY. Warning: spoilers for Book 5, 6, etc. in fics]

No's surprised to come down the stairs to see Vil Schoenheit sitting on the large striped couch in the Lounge. It's still night and day to see this place--but that's neither here nor there. Something's wrong. Call it women's intuition but... everything's off.

"Hey." It's a very gentle approach as she descends down the stairs, taking a seat across from him in an arm chair. "What's up?"

Everything about him isn't right; he's too stiff, his arms are crossed with a hand up and supporting his chin. His lips are in a frown, brow furrowed--an expression that could lead to wrinkles. But it's his violet eyes that bother No the most.

"I went to the village for a commercial today." He starts, but not meeting her gaze. His stare is for the wall.

"What happened?"

"Neige was there."

Oh, it's the first time they've encountered one-another since SDC.

"I'm listening, Vil."

"He acted as he did after the competition; that we're friends. That--I don't know. I don't know, No." There's a joke in there. "But I hated it. I hated the friendliness, the familiarity. That burning in my chest came back. I thought after our little Isle of Woe adventure, therapy--after all of that I wouldn't hate him so much. I'm still as envious as ever. I--just..." His head shakes. There's raw, unfiltered emotions in his face. But of course, the actor is pulling it under a mask.

No gets up, taking the seat beside him instead, his hand in her's. "Hey."

"What?" Finally he turns to her, violet meeting that strange blue.

"You're my hero."

An incredulous look comes across his features. "You don't need to humor me."

"I mean it. You're my hero, Vil. Saved the day, the world, even. You might be the villain in some stories. They might want to paint you as one--but you're always going to be a hero to me. Okay?"

"I WAS the villain in your story, No Wei." He protests, but the fire dies so quickly.

"Oh, yeah, but like a good heroine instead I seduced you into a hero role. It just speaks to my abilities, Vil." A bright smile is right there. "And let's face it... I prefer it when you're an absolute ass to people that aren't me."

"Oh, just shut up." His face buries in her shoulder. A hand goes and gently pats, rubbing his back.

"Sorry, can't. Freedom of speech."

"We're not in your Texas."

"But we're in my Ramshackle~ And I make the rules here~" Her tease comes back.

"Shut up, No."

"Nope~"

Pulling back, even with fresh tears in his eyes--he presses a kiss to her lips.

That'll shut her up.

Unfortunately, it only worked for a second. But, his world... it's a lot brighter now. He can forget Neige, forget all of that still-lingering emotions just with her smile.

[slickchickchocolatier]

reina the gif you tagged me in oh my god 😭😭 HAHAHAHA PLEASEE I am literally currently dying someone teach me how to breathe WHAT EVEN IS AIR I DONT KNOW THAT heeseung is legit suffocating me (not that I dont like it obvi 🤭)

also p.s. what do you think readen’s hidden talent would be? not really hidden but just something she’s good at that heethan doesnt know…yet

could be either drawing, poetry, singing, dancing, painting, etc etc you choose

and heethan’s reaction to it 😵

nik! my love! i've missed you!

i know....i thought of you, jaehaki, and camila when i saw those gifs heheeheheheheh. *smirks*

that is an excellent question. for some reason (maybe its because i love music and i'm always listening to it as i'm writing) but i always imagined readen being able to carry a tune and sing really well. I also imagined her to be into poetry andpainting, (i always thought of her to be one to really appreciate art) and she loves to look at art galleries. and because she loves animals, i always imagined her to be really good with them. I think she also loves music and maybe plays an instrument or two? everytime when i imagined readen, which i had restriceted myself in doing because i wanted her to be as vague as possible to fit the reader's characteristic. Things like her hair length (which you as the reader could obviously obtain) was mentioned, but nothing in regards to eye or hair color because i want her to be you, essentially. However, idk why, but whenever i wrote down "y/n" in the drafts, i always imagined a girl who could play or was interested in playing the harp. idk why, i think it's because when i visited France a few years ago, i saw a woman playing the harp and it was the most beautiful thing i ever did see.

i never saw her as the type to be like a super gym rat like those really fit athletic girls, y/n to me is athletic and did well at sports and track at school, but she likes to keep fit, but doesnt like the gym because it's too crowded and noisy. I always imagined her to be one that would prefer solace and likes workouts where not a whole lot of people are around. workouts like yoga or dance. I also imagined her to speak at least two languages, because she loves to learn (also because i know readers are from all over the world, so i wanted her to know english and the reader's original language from their home country) so she's bilingual and heethan of course found that out in that one smaus lol. but yeah, readen is formatted to be you, but i did have some things in mind whenever i pictured her. it's actually funny because i have a friend who is really into kpop, and she thought i should base the y/n off of jang wonyoung or kazuha from lesserafim, but i was like naaaaaah. because first of all, those women are beautiful but i know the industry invests in the singers to make them marketable, to include surgeries. i dont have a problem with it, but i wanted y/n to be as natural as possible. seriously, i think the only alteration she would have done to her body is color her hair (which i think in the earlier chapters of MGR, her own father wouldn't even let her cut or color her hair because he said she was perfect the way she was) but that was another hidden (maybe not talent...but def a gem) where she isnt at all superficial and is all about natural and finds beauty in everything. she's not Mother Theresa or anything lol, but she just has a real and genuine personality.

but uh...not to give off too much spoilers (idk why but i went kind of backwards, i worked on ch 17 for HHP, and then started working on ch 16...idk why i did that) but one of these chapters....i'm thinking of giving y/n a minor...uh...change......and it leads to a nice little smut moment. kind of sexy fluff and smutty.....but its going to be good. ;)

[bluemeraldau]

Letters to Hamato Yoshi

chapter 1 growing pains

Yoshi is part of a clan, a ninja clan, but not just any ninja clan no, he was part of the Hamato clan, and this clan was task with a mission, prevent the shredder return.

Ah but even then Yoshi wasn't just any normal boy from the ninja clan of the Hamatos, no he was of the main line, his grandfather been the patriarch,

Yoshi lives in a secret compound only accessible to his family, since he was born he has been instructed in the Hamato ways.

He has a wonderful mother, the (hopefully) next head of the clan, life was good for Yoshi in those first few year's, he loved playing with his cousins (even though some where mean jerks) once in a while Yoshi got to chance to go out on small errands.

"Now Yoshi be careful, remember your ninja training" the soft voice of Hamato Atsuko reprimand her young son, "we dont want this to go like last time you went out, with the-"

"Yes yes the chicken, i already sead I was sorry, andand i, gave them back Didn't I Okaasan"

"Mnh, yes you did my little warrior, but you still need to be careful, the foot clan has been on the rise" her brow crescent with concern

"Don't worry mama, one day ill beat them up with my awesome ninja powers that way you'll never have to worry again" Yoshi exclaimed full of confidence.

Atsuko chuckles "I can't wait to see that day come"

Yes life was good

but although at the time Yoshi didn't know it, a Hamato's life is plagued with sacrifice.

He will never forget that day when his mother was taken away

"Yoshi, you know I have to go" Atsuko was on the verge of tears but she had to keep a strong facade

"No. No" Yoshi cried disconsolately "mama no. please dont go, I- i need you"

"Oh yoshi, take care, anata wa hitori janai"

She walked away, with tears in her eyes as she heard the screams and pleads of her only son.

But at the last moment she turned back, "listen to your grand father he has much to teach you"

She walked into a temple, never to be be seen again.

She died when Yoshi was sixteen.

She died alone, Yoshi only ever being able to hear her, but never for to long least he distracted her from her duty

Yoshi scoft when ever he heard that from the elders

Atsuko was his mother, he deserves more time with her, Yoshi knew it after all dark armour wasn't going anywhere his family made sure of it

But Yoshi was a ninja, and being a Ninja was hard specially if you were a Hamato.

A Hamato main mission was to protect the world from the kuroi yoroi, by keeping the pieces hiden this brought much pain to who ever was tasked with this misión, as we saw with Atsuko, but a ninja mission was espionage, infiltración and the occasional asasinacion, a ninja could be employed by anyone that had the money to pay them, and well, taking care of a whole compound was nothing to sneeze at, and there was so much horticulture could provide. So it wasn't unheard of for nobles to contract hamato ninjas, who were, in there reputación, crazy good at infiltracion and información gathering.

But Hamato ninja had something almost rare for ninjas at the time, a sence of honer. Not the samuri tipe of honer, but there own kind, the tipe that bonded there nimpo to there family

This made them not so popular amongst the shady Minister's and scribes that wanted power quickly and results fast. Those tipe of people preferred the foot or other ninja clan out there that wouldn't mind destroying peace for a cople pieces of gold.

If we we're to talk out of wealth alone, the foot surpassed every ninja clan in japan.

But even with all that wealth, with all those resources and countless recruts, they still we're no match to the Hamatos and there nimpo.

-As long as there are Hamatos there is hope.- Read the plaque of the great sword statue

Yoshi, at his 18 was preparing for another mission, the longest one yet.

"You will infiltrated into a traveling theater caravan, from there you will get in contact with our spy network. Remember the mission Yoshi, its of out most importenes" jiji sead as he gave me a scroll with additional information, the scroll will get burnd once I memorized it.

"yes yes jiji, I get it" Yoshi sead "no need to get up my ass about this to" he wipers to himself

And quickly runs away before the incoming scroll can hit him in the head

Yoshi loves theatre, the operas, the acting, the makeup and costumes all of it.

Yoshi remembers Remembers when he was younger. Before his mother was taken away, how she took him to a play, the story wasn't the greatest and the costumes not the most flattering, and sure it really was boring but for little Yoshi it was enough to make him fall in love.

There was a time, when Yoshi lies awake at night and thinks of running away, joining a crew becoming famous by his own merit and never looking back to the Hamato, there we're times where he was about to commit such act's, but he still has sentimental ties to the clan, and anyway jiji would find him no matter where he'd hide.

How ironic that one of his dreams can now be a reality but not in the way he imagined, Yoshi doesn't know how to feel about that.

So here he stands, looking at the great sword, looking out to the compound, the place he calls home and the place he won't see in a long time.

"Well, time to go… i guess" Yoshi tells himself

And he heads out, he already sead his farewells to the people that matter, so there is no one to watch him leave

Yoshi got a new name for this mission,

"thank you, ah. Sorry i didn't catch your name" sead the old women that Yoshi helped with her groceries.

"Its no problem, im jitsu lee" Yoshi now lee responded

"jitsu you say, i haven't heard of that family name, where are you form?"

"mh yes, i get that a lot, I'm from the central planes, I'm just here to give my services as an apotecary in the capital" lee responded with enthusiasm and charisma, easily fooling the old lady

"What a dedicated young man, im sure you'll make your parents very proud, you know, you speek Japanese very well"

"You think so? Thank you that means alot"

That was his backstory, young jitsu lee that just graduated of medic school in china, here in japan to offer his servise. A kind young man, that wants to follow his dream of travelling true all japan and documenting his travels, that boy that's going back to his village after much time away.

Until finally he got to his destination

"You're late" sead a middle age man "we had to postpone our trip because of you"

"Well with all the sights and pretty girls on the road its easy to get distracted, ya know" Yoshi answers laid back

"whatever, sho informed me of all your... Qurks" he sead will taking in all of Yoshi

"only the good stuff right" but before he could come up with something else the old man was already walking away. And Yoshi had no other choice but to follow

that night after his introduction to the crew and a healthy meal he goes to sleep and for the first Time since his mother's death, he waits for another day.

End of chapter one

[kitmoas]

If you had the means (whether DIY or paying someone else to do it) to have physical hardbound copies of five fics from any fandom, what would they be?

I just want you to know how long I had this sitting in my drafts trying to figure out which ones i would want.

It got long so I put it under a cut for the sake of your dashes lol

Here on Tumblr: I have to put my 3 comfort AUs first of course

The Widow AU by @scarlettwlw truly is something that I dont think I will ever get over. Every single little answer blurb or whatever makes my heart so happy. I literally re-read at least some part of it daily and if I had a book of it--that thing would never leave my person. I would bring it everwhere with me. It would be that book that i would have to keep buying again because I would read it so much that I would destroy it just by overuse.

The Honey AU by @caroldantops personally is a world that feels so real. I love it and I don't think I have to explain too much why. If I had a book of this I feel like it would be one of those things that like I would keep under my pillow and get a second to display forever. I just think reading this would be like coming home? It's just so cozy and just like warm.

My Soul To Keep AU by @maximotts is literally something that I am...very normal about. When i say that anything motts texts me i turn it into angel!wanda, I swear I'm so happy that she doesn't get sick of it because if i could just like get a physical copy of all the lore and every random thought for that world.. I would be able to die happy. Would it be my lil bedtime story? Yes.

the plum tree blossoms even in winter by @peachyteabuck listen..the way I continue to go back to this single fic. I dont do that often, I usually prefer to go back and re-read AUs or something longer BUT this damn one-shot has me in a chokehold STILL. I just need mulitple of those lil mini pocket books, so I can just keep one everywhere and read it everytime i just yknow have the urge to lay in a heated dog bed.

The High Stakes series by @temptationsbrew was one of the things that brought me to Tumblr and to say I wouldn't want that in physical book form would be a lie. I have spent entirely too many hours reading it, and just the 3 main parts are literal perfection. It still to this day is one of the best pieces of fanfiction that I have ever read and I need to be able to just whip that story out no matter where I am.

I DO have some fics that really impacted me that arent on Tumblr, and aren't Marvel but none more than this heartbreakingly gorgeous fic. I periodically read this probably 3 or 4 times a year and it still destroys my heart each time I read it. i remember finding it RIGHT after the author had finished writing it, and I binged it for the first time that night.

Colors by evershadow I....the way this fic has had my heart for 12 YEARS and its one of those things that I can't just casually read. Like if I even open the tab I'm reading the entire thing. I can't put it down, no matter how many times I've read it. It literally rips my heart apart and I hate myself every single time i read it. I literally sob to the point of not being able to breathe each time I read it like its the first.

[cryptvokeeper]

you ever think about how radically different the timeline would've gone if dashcon was actually good

[charliedawn]

How would they react if you ask them to dance?

Freddy :

"Heck yeah !"

Freddy is one of the only slasher that is musically cultured. He can spot good hard rock from a mile away. He is a rock and roll fan to the end. Just, put on any hard rock song and you will see his eyes literally sparkle in delight. He would dance with you until the end of the night. Literally.

" Come on darling, let me turn your world upside down !"

He would pretend having a guitar in his hands and laugh while shaking his head up and down with the rhythm. In rare moments, he would actually forget where he is and start singing with the lyrics.

"~She's got a smile that it seems to me

Reminds me of childhood memories

Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky

Now and then when I see her face

She takes me away to that special place

And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry..."

Surprisingly, Freddy has a great voice and, when given the opportunity, will make the slashers enjoy a live concert of his. In those moments, not even Pennywise dares make fun of Freddy. Freddy understands your love for old music, and god, does he got the moves ! You swear that when he is dancing, you forget all about who he is and who you are. If you weren't dancing before, you certainly are now. 😂

Surprisingly enough, Arthur would not join right away. He would first see you dance and enjoy himself watching you having fun with the other slashers. But once he is sure that nobody will judge him ? He will join and dance to his heart content. Many people have ways to express themselves, hobbies that help them de-stress..But unfortunately for the slashers, that hobby was mostly killing people. You try to make them see that they can do the same in many different ways. Joker, however, is a very special case, because he actually tried to escape with dance and jokes..People destroyed his dreams. Now, you have to help him get back his hope and the dreams he lost. The first step to do that ? Make him remember what he loved, before becoming the Joker.

" Why do you want to make me believe in something that is gone ?"

" Because I believe in you, Arthur."

He waited for someone to actually believe in him for so long that he can't help but cry at your words. He would then take you for a dance and make you laugh for the rest of the night. He doesn't mind you old-fashioned taste, as he prefers old songs as well, especially the catchy ones.

" Dance ?! Dancing ! Yesss !"

Penny screams while throwing his hands in the air. He loves dancing. It was the only thing he had when he was alone and penniless. He was dancing in the street in his old clown costume, hoping for some generous souls to find him entertaining. However, when he became Penny, his dance became the last thread of his old life he hanged on to. It may have been a way to lure his victims in as well, but it was also much more for Penny. He loves dancing. He is also very good at it, being a very flexible person with a great creativity. His dance may look childish at first, but it's only because he never got the proper training. You asked the hospital to give him some lessons, but unfortunately, they didn't want the dance teacher to become dinner. This is how you had gotten the idea of Friday's dancing nights. It allows the bond between the slashers to strengthen and for Penny to learn more about what he loves.

" Penny dances ! Penny is so happy !"

Well, just make sure he has the dance floor to himself, as you wouldn't want any of the slashers to receive a slap or a kick on accident..He doesn't really care about the music, as long as he can dance on it.

Dance ? What is dance ? When he sees you and the other slashers dance, it makes him think of those teenagers at Crystal lake. He is not too fond of dancing. He will however stare at you and sometimes, even nod his head up and down with the music if he likes it. But, if you try to make him dance with the others ? He will freeze. He is not used to dancing and never cared enough to learn. For a long time, it had only been his mother and him, therefore he hasn't had the chance to make friends or open up enough to dance at parties. He likes watching though. Most of the time, he will stay with Five or Michael, the only ones to understand his predicament. Plus, he doesn't know or understand most of the songs you're playing. He tried to ask you what they meant, but most of the words you used to answer him only made him more confused. Love ? Hope ? Loss ? He doesn't understand them. However, he does understand grief and sorrow. Those are feeling he can relate with as he felt them when he lost his father. When a sad song comes in, he will pay more attention and feel a tug in his chest.

" My boy. You have to live your life as you intended. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't feel. One day, the ones who bullied you and called you names will see how amazing you truly are."

The words of his father echo in his head as he listens to the music. He has nearly forgotten about his face, but his voice is still with him, advising him wherever he goes. He just never took the time to listen to him until now. He always thought that his mother was everything he needed, that she was the only one who loved him, but maybe was he wrong after all ? Maybe other people could accept him ?

*internal panic*

He knows how to dance, that's not the problem. It's just that it's been so long that he's afraid he's gotten a bit rusty. This is why you will most likely find him hidden in a corner, watching over you all. At this point, he is more likely to play the role of the quiet big brother who is making sure none of his siblings accidently hurt themselves or have too much to drink. However, if you really insist, he will try to enter the game and make a few tentative steps on the dance floor. But, dont expect too much of him. He is embarrassed enough as it is. However, he will help in the kitchen if you need to bake something of prepare some snacks for the slashers. Another thing to know about Michael, is that unlike Jason that doesn't mind raising his mask a little to eat or drink, Michael will prefer to wait until everybody is gone or asleep before letting himself do the same. He is very keen on his mask and doesn't want anyone to see him without it. So, maybe prepare a little space away from prying eyes for him to have intimacy ? As for the music, he doesn't mind. Everything is fine with him.

Unlike Penny, Pennywise is not that much of a dancer. Penny is a dancing clown, Pennywise is a grouchy clown. He would rather be sarcastic all evening than partaking in the fun. However, something that he is good at is inflating balloons. He will help organize the party and will try to entertain Penny as much as he can. Pennywise may not be a dancing clown, but he cares about Penny. Penny is the closest to family he has left, and even though he would never admit it, he would do anything for him. He is protective of him and if it meant making Penny happy ? He wouldn't mind playing the clown for a night.

" Stop looking at me like that. I'm not gonna dance. You can't make me. Invite Penny instead. He's far more excited to make a fool of himself than me.."

He would reply when you invite him to dance. He doesn't care about the songs, as long as they don't have any curses in them. He loves cursing, but he doesn't want Penny to follow his example. He wants him to keep the little innocence he has left.

(couldn't find a gif with Five, so imagine it's Five in the second gif.)

He will not dance. Not even if you beg him. He will be happy if you leave him alone with the drinks. He will mostly stay with Michael and drown his bad mood in alcool and most likely complain.

"Goddammit. Can't we have decent whiskey in here ?!"

However, if you really insist and he has enough alcool in his system ? He may follow you and make some moves on the dance floor. Maybe.

" I swear you all suck. It seems I'll have to step up to level the game. It's not because I'm having fun or I like any of you, it's just because you bunch of idiots can't differentiate good dancing and monkey dancing."

Five got many classes on how to be the perfect spy while being trained. Let's say that there were some more enjoyable classes than others. He knows how to dance as a result and will steal the dancefloor when given the chance.

[koifishanonymous]

🪄

i am very curious about this :3

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU LET ME GET MY PLAYLIST

uh a little content warning i get pretty personal and existential with some of these so

no particular order

1. love, me normally by will wood

''I was nothing before, so I couldn’t have asked to be born // I'll be nothing again, so what am I between now and then? // Is there nothing to fear? Cause shit's getting weird // So to God who made this man, you better have one hell of a plan // And I'd rather be normal, yes, so normal // I suggest that we keep this informal // 'Cause a normal human being wouldn't need, no // To pretend to be normal, to be normal // Well, I guess that's the least that I owe ya // To be normal in a way I could never be // C’mon, c’mon, yeah, I said c’mon, yeah // C’mon, c’mon, yeah, I said c’mon, yeah

C’mon, c’mon, and love me normally"

basically the whole ending to the this song perfectly encapsulate both mmy mental state and my feelings towards love. like this song is the closest thing i have to an explanation. also just the way its sung, desperately and angrily almost just makes me explode

2. i / me / myself by will wood

"I am quantum physics // My witness brings me into existence // I wish I could be a girl, and that way // You'd wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend // Am I pretty enough to love back // No not yet // I wish I could be a girl, and really // I'd prefer it if you would use I, Me, Myself // Am I pretty enough, am I pretty enough // To fucking die // Little old me in a big world // Well I would give you my whole world // Little old me in a big world //I wish // All identities are equally invalid // Don't you think that there's a chance that you could live without it? "

basically the same as love me normally, but for my gender! i scream these lyrics because i wish I was as simple as just being a girl but i'm not and i would rather we lived without the pressure to know who you are, or even be only one things at a time

3. black out days by phantogram

"if I could paint the sky // well all the stars would shine a bloody red"

i dont know how to describe the meaning of this other than that is i had eldritch being powere, i would do this

4. achilles come down by gangs of youth

"You want the acclaim, the mother of mothers (it's not worth it, Achilles) // More poignant than fame or the taste of another (don't listen, Achilles) // But be real and just jump, you dense motherfucker (you're worth more, Achilles) // You will not be more than a rat in the gutter (so much more than a rat)// You want my opinion, my opinion you've got (no one asked your opinion) // You asked for my counsel, I gave you my thoughts (no one asked for your thoughts) // Be done with this now and jump off the roof (be done with this now and get off the roof) // Can you hear me, Achilles? I'm talking to you // I'm talking to you"

i relate to achilles a huge deal and to her this song for the first time, was like both patroclus and agamennon were whispering to me. this bit especially broke me

5. iris by the goo goo dolls

"and I don't want the world to see me // cause I don't think that they'd understand"

pretty straight forward, I've tried to open up to so many people and ive only pushed back and made to hear their problems, so I genuinely don't think they understand. good reason to not show mysef, but also because i dont know myself

6. art is dead by bo burnham

"I am an artist, please God forgive me // I am an artist, please don't revere me // I am an artist, please don't respect me // I am an artist, you're free to correct me // A self-centered artist // Self-obsessed artist // I am an artist // I am an artist // But I'm just a kid // I'm just a kid // I'm just a kid, kid // And maybe I'll grow out of it"

i really like creating things, and usually jm not even good at it and I cant help but feels thatbeing an artists has lost all meanibg. people only seem to make art with some sort of end goal and i want to be able to make without the pressure of having a job or school or every other problem in the world

7. sweet hibiscus tea

"And I'm not your protagonist // I'm not even my own"

i can 100% tell you that this is not my body, i am not me. i want to be the main character so bad but i know i'm not

8. people watching by conan gray

"I wanna feel all that love and emotion // Be that attached to the person I'm holding"

i struggle with developing close connections with anyone, i hide nyself and only create a facade you cannot get close to because its a curtain with nothing behind it

9. cardigan by taylor swift

"And when you are young, they assume you know nothing"

this is lyric hits hard because whatever i say gets dismissed, blamed on hormones, or childishness or some other teen "problem"

that all hahah i went a little overboard, and somehow still have more

[userwasredacted]

one piece ficlet -omega Roci

got a request for an Omega Roci

Tbh I dont really get into the omega verse all that much but I may as well give it a try

------

The thing about being an omega was that most would think that they were weaker, more subservient, and easy to control. In many ways they were, because they were generally more passive, avoided fights and would prefer to follow along with others for the sake of the community.

Because of that, many of them get treated differently. Some people thought they were suddenly made out of glass. Others imagined that they would immediately need to act and serve in a certain way. Others immediately thought of them as objects to be bred. As if simple biology would necessarily dictate the indication and preference of a person. It was unfair and unfortunate that most people and sometimes organizations would lean in to heavily into those biasness.

You'd think that the marines wouldn't be as backward as that.

Rocinante sighed to himself as the alpha pup in front of him tried to put up a front about how he was an alpha and that indicated that he would definitely be rising up the ranks faster and easier than everyone else. It may be true here especially, that being an alpha in the marines meant that you were more of a shoe in to being promoted due to your 'leadership' skills. However most of the time it was simply because they were bullies who played into the role and society just collectively agreed to allow them to be that way.

Inwardly, Rocinante thanked the gods that his foster father wasn't as dumb and as narrow minded as that. Or else he would not even have been able to join the marines. And that Sengoku didn't believe in bullying and relying on just the idea of alpha supremacy in order to get his way.

He conveniently forgot the fierce battle that had occurred when Roci had first found out that he was an omega, and the pleads and entreaties that he should drop out of the marines because of that.

Roci was lucky in many ways. One that he was stubborn enough to go through with the marine training even when everyone said that omegas should stay to be on the admin team or something the other, he didn't really listen. Two that Sengoku was able to see that he wasn't going to be giving this up and quickly changed his tune to ensure that he would be protected instead of just making his life harder (Though this did cause an issue with supposed favouritism). And three, that Rocinante was not an attractive omega. Not anymore at least.

He was big for one. Much bigger than most alphas. He was also strong. He was able to throw a person with just his arm strength. He was not pretty either, with the sharp nose, broad chin and non-existent eyebrows. One could even call him ugly. Almost brute like. And that was perfect for him.

No more stupid wanna be alphas trying to bully him into submission by picking on him, or ordering him around. He memorized the marine hand book to ensure that the others knew what they could and could not expect of him. He was not a coffee boy or a runner. Nor was he someone that they could dump paperwork on him just because they were getting lazy. They couldn't try and intimidate him with unwanted growls and hoots. They also couldn't wipe the floor with his face. Not anymore since he had grown.

The alpha that was trying to parade around stopped in front of him with a smirk and asked him what his position was and why he was not under anyone's orders. Oblivious to who he was and his position. possibly because Roci wasn't wearing his coat. Just his usual marine vest and suit.

"You'd need to ask the Vice-Admiral for that information. I'm unfortunately classified" he said apologetically as he looked at the other with a small smile.

It was never good publicity to show the world that he was an omega and in such a high position. So he was stuck there in his little room with his little desk, away from big profile missions. Which was perfect for his actual job.

His hands were stained red.

"Probably an admin clerk somewhere. You're an omega right? I could smell it. They shouldn't put you out in the field. What would happen if you encounter an alpha in a rut? Or if you started your heat? Honestly its not a safe thing." he little pup said with a cocky smirk.

"You should come with me. I'm definitely going up the ladder. I could protect you."

Rocinante looked at him considering. The marks on his uniform and his rank. He was still very very young. It wouldn't do to have him be scared away from the Marines entirely. But this kind of behavior couldn't be left unchecked either. He took a drag of his cigarettes (and paid homage to another dead omega) before shaking his head.

"You really shouldn't be mouthing off so much to someone who is higher ranking than you, Ensign. You may get in trouble."

He noted the other's look of confusion.

"You also shouldn't just dismiss a person by their gender, Ensign. The Marines take a tough approach to everyone, and make sure things are equal. Do you intend to say that Vice-Admiral Tsuru is any weaker than Vice-Admiral Sengoku or Vice-Admiral Garp?"

The ensigned paled and shook his head.

"Gender is gender, Ensign. Please do be aware of that the next time. Who knows, maybe one day you would see an omega be the one that defends the grounds, or takes the killing shot."

With a hasty request to be dismissed the young alpha scattered away from him. Rocinante took another drain of his cigarette.

There definitely was a place for omegas who were deemed tough enough in the navy, he would learn. After all, an omega scent would help to let the enemy lower their defense. An omega croon would distract heavily involved alphas. The idea of a dainty little omega in a marine uniform ready to be ravaged called to the sickest pirates like a siren's call.

The kills were easy when nobody believed that an omega was capable of such feats of violence.

The tables easily overturned when the public believed that omegas were unthinking when they were in their heats, and couldn't remember what had happened.

The support mountainous when they believed it to be an assault on a helpless omega.

Infiltrator. Spy. Killer.

Slick may be dripping down my legs, but my aim will never waver from your head.

Rocinante took another long drag, and tried to clear his head away from the blood splatter and the screams. It didn't matter in the end Alpha, Beta or Omega, young or old they all begged for mercy. In the end, they all died the same.

Who knew that being a marine would lead to this? At the very least, he was staining his hands for the good of the people. for justice.

Idly, he let his thoughts run to the various pirate crews with all the various genders interspaced. It didn't matter Omega or Alpha or Beta, everyone could be a captain, a first mate, a navigator, a shipwright. The way they would all laugh together as they drank their booze before he lured them away with his scent. They would all scream their crews names as they were eliminated one by one. They would all curse the marines as their ships that held their memories sank with them inside of it, crackling flames, drowning out their words, but never their intent.

His fingers burned as the ash reached them, causing him to drop the cigarette and burn his clothes. With a loud cry he patted on the flames as he searched for water, rushing over and falling on the process.

With a groan, he sat up and doused the flames with his own hands.

This kind of thinking was dangerous, he knew. If he started to question the marines and what he did... Well, it wouldn't be good. He'd need to talk to Sengoku about this and soon.

Maybe finally take up the one job he was mulling about for so long.

It would be good. To have his last mission and stop before he lost faith in what was happening in the marines. Before he could be turned against the Marines due to the thoughts in his own mind.

It would be good to do one last justice in the world, so get back to the day that had haunted him for so long.

His aim would not waver... could not waver.

This time, he would bring Doflamingo down.

[thefairyletters]

✨ Spooky Recs✨

I read a lot of fanfictions... More than I am proud of. I thought I should recommend as I go before I lose sight of their existence among the sea of my favorites.

Since past few days I have been craving for some creepy, unnerving fanfics that will keep me restless and awake at night. I remembered my favorites and wanted to read more of the kind so I looked up, patiently going through each story that sounded compelling. I also revisited old stories for nostalgia's sake.

Of course, rare as they are, in Naruto fandom no less, it's even harder to find a horror and mystery fic that is well written, not dropped under 2 chapters, and really keeps your attention.

🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹

Genre: Horror, Mystery, Comedy

I've rated 4 aspects of the work -

Writing – I don't judge writing based solely on the grammar and vocabulary. I also consider how the author expands upon a subject, if they are consistent with the facts, if they are able to keep the attention of the readers regardless of their creative writing skills.

Characters – If the characters are well-developed, in their given character, if OCs have any real significance to the story.

Plot – How gripping is the storyline, if the story sticks to its original plot, the structure of the story, plot holes.

Flow – Mother-of-slow-burn, slow-but-steady, steady, fast, I-am-speed

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When the flowers cry : TCOOKIES777 || M || AO3/FFN || SasuSaku || Goth Horror || Post-Canon, set during Blank Period || Ongoing

When one of the greatest medical-nin in the world goes missing in what should have been a simple delivery to the Land of Spring’s Hidden Snow Village, the rest of Team 7 must reunite to find her. But even the most powerful team of shinobi will find themselves challenged in a battle against the supernatural. With Sasuke's return, vengeful ghosts of the past will test him and his love.

My thoughts : One of the best stories I've read in a while, and top tier SS stories. I read this in one sitting. I never listen to music while reading, preferring silence, but for this one, I suggest you do as the author says. Also, keep some tissues and food with you. This story is major in mystery and minor in horror but otherwise full of SS fluff.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 9/10

Flow: Steady, if a bit confusing (but that's why it's mystery)

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Kyuro : silver_shot || T || AO3 || SasuSaku || Mystery || Post-Canon || Complete

“Oh,” says Naruto, “well, its sort of like that. Except in this village, the story has a way more darker ending – it basically goes like this: the girl and the guy plan to run away together. The guy steals a bunch of treasure, and stashes it away. But then, when he goes to get the girl at her village, he kills her and decides to run away with all that money. But then he is killed by the guards of the girls village and now they're both dead and the treasure is hidden away somewhere”. Sasuke stares blankly at the blond, “that story makes no sense”.

My thoughts : I know you must be thinking the same thing as Sasuke – "makes no sense". I did too, but it's a pretty cool short story. It lies on the funny, creepy side that slowly starts to lose its funny touch. SS makes stupid mistakes later on but it could be because they are MCs. The ending is very ambiguous. It's not my favorite mystery but it is something. Enjoyable read but not something I will pick again.

Writing: 8/10

Characters: 8/10

Plot: 8/10

Flow: Fast

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Moon stuttering in the sky : xfrinz || T || AO3 || Gen || Mystery || Pre-Shippuden || One-shot

Kakashi is suspicious of many things about Haruno Sakura. Too many things about her don't make sense, with too many incongruous explanations.

My thoughts : Author of this story just summarised Pre-Shippuden in less than 4k words and made some tiny changes to it. Not much though. One of my favorite gen fics yet. Read it if you haven't yet. You'll feel more sad than thrilled tbh. But worth it.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: I-am-Speed

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Breath mints : silver_shot || T || AO3 || SasuSaku || Comedy-Mystery || Post-Canon || Ongoing (maybe)

Their home no longer exists with the life it once had – in fact no settlement thrives anymore; they exist only in a snapshot that contradicts time itself. Families within their own homes sleep in a slumber that they cannot wake from. Those that were chatting on the street prior to the event simply drop their heads and remain unresponsive.

My thoughts : I picked it up for Mystery but I stayed for Comedy. But of course that's not to say supernatural elements in this story is not it, but it sure pales in comparison to effortless humor in this story. Lee and Kiba pair is something you don't see often but they get along too well here. Charactisation is on point as well. SS angst! + NS angst (but it's downplayed)

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 9/10

Flow: Steady

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The Curse : sincerelyLen || T || FFN || SasuSaku || Horror || Post-Canon || Ongoing

Team 7 is unexpectedly assigned an S-Ranked Mission involving an unsolved mystery of 10 years. An eerie adventure that will test their teamwork, strengths, and greatest fears. Do you believe in Curses?

My thoughts : My all-time favourite horror Naruto fanfiction. To me, this sets the standard of how mystery and horror elements should be handled. I have never been able to get this story out of my mind even it's been years. Perfect charactisation of Team 7 with Smart-yet-Stupid!Sakura, I-can-fight-aliens-and-reanimated-corpses-but-keep-ghosts-away-from-me!Naruto and I-dont-get-paid-enough-for-this!Sasuke. I especially love OCs here. They kinda reminds me of Pillars from KnY. You must read this story, loosely based on Zombie apocalypse + curse concept.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Slow-but-Steady

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Silent High : Istoria || T || FFN || Gen || Mystery || Post-Canon || Complete

A bit of the Silent Hill series mixed in with Naruto. Trapped in an illusion whose rules are unknown, they struggle to find answers before darkness consumes them.

My thoughts : One of the best mystery fanfictions I've read. I especially loved how this story handled Genjutsu in the best possible way it could without it turning into some cliche, ghost story. Though really, this story has shown what my greatest fear actually is. I will never be able to leave my back open to a wheelchair. This story has simple writing yet it gives you creeps with the twists and turns. A must read one because it is unlike any other in this list.

Writing: 9/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Steady

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Silence of the Damned : Daystar Clarion || T || FFN || Gen || Psychological Horror, Mystery(?) || Pre-Shippuden || One-Shot

When Naruto wakes up to a dead body in his bathroom, he begins a quick spiral into madness.

My thoughts : Listen to Halsey's Control while reading this. Quite chilling, deals with mental issues and morbid but in a fascinating way. It gives a new meaning to Dark!Naruto, but one that actually makes sense. I never saw the ending coming... I had something else in mind and I was convinced it would be, but nope. Here's a sequel to this One-Shot (Uzumaki's War) which I never picked up.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 9/10

Plot: 9/10

Flow: Slow-but-steady

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To the Victor : Letta || T || FFN || NaruSaku || Psychological Horror || Shippuden || One-Shot

Naruto loses the fight and Sakura is a trophy of war.

My thoughts : A very twisted NS, if you squint. It's not horror but it might as well be... it is still a disturbing story to see from the eyes of Sakura. Quite chilling to be in Sakura's shoes. But I love this because it is one shot and I loved the ending.

Writing: 9/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 8/10

Flow: Steady

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Under the Skin : BukkakeNoJutsu || T || FFN || Team 8 || Body Horror || Pre-Shippuden || One-Shot

Your actions don't make you a monster. Your reasons do.

My thoughts : There's a reason why Shino is my favourite team 8 member. In my opinion, Shino is also one of the strongest Shinobi of his generation. His clan techniques are just that horrifying. This story is testament to that. He is so terrible.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Slow-but-steady

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Instant Message : Keelah || T || FFN || SasuSaku || Murder mystery || Modern AU || Incomplete

She gave him names to kill, in order not to be killed herself. But having blood on her hands was turning out to be much worse than dying. "…There's still round 2…3…4…" When does this game end? She asked. "Don't you see, Sakura?" He said, "It never does."

My thoughts : I read this story a long time ago and have read this twice. Personally, it has the most interesting concept of all stories in the list. It reminds me of Vocaloid series, "Bookmark of the end". Kind of. To those who are thinking of picking this up, go ahead! It's a great book and has one of the best suspense I've read in Fandom. BUT, it has been stopped in mother-of-all-cliffhangers and Author is MIA for 4 years now. But, all things considered, it remains to be one of the best stories I've read.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 9/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Steady

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Monomoth : Ohtze || M || FFN/AO3 || SasuSaku || Horror || AU || Incomplete

Everything ends, eventually. Eight years after the war, Sakura's unhinged and Sasuke's obsessed. The fields are filled with corpses.

My thoughts : I read this story right after "The Curse", my favourite. From what I remember, Sakura and Sasuke are both mentally deranged, in different ways. Lots of death and gore to stomach, so not for weak readers. There's no speak of fluff in this one. Zero, Zilch, Nada. I wouldn't call it your classic 'Horror', but it is very disturbing, so psychological horror is more like it. Don't eat food while reading this one. Did I mention how Sakura is mentally disturbed beyond help in this one? And Sasuke is obsessed. If these suit your tastes, go ahead.

Writing: 10/10

Characters: 9/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: Slow

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I hope you enjoy this list. Let me know your opinion in comments.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Soulmate Au

Before you meet your soulmate you have to deal with a chibi version of them before actually meeting them. So can you handle it?

Reader's point of view

Dabi's perspective

You were anxious. Two years have passed since your 18 birthday... and your chibi didn't made any appearance or any living signal.

Ever since that you've been made fun of. Your parents tried to comfort you by that didn't meant they wouldn't dissapointed as well...

Now, settle in your new apartment, you huffed as you watched a nonconformist about two soulmates meeting eachother chibis evem before 18! You should be one of the unluckiest persons on the world or you didn't had a soulmate...

Getting up, you decided to turn on the stove to make yourself some noodles before your stomach decided to make his existence knowledgeable.

Heating the water up you sighed before you tensed at hearing the door cracking. Arching one euebrow and looking over your shoulder you shrugged before returning your attention to the stove amd screaming when you saw what was there.

It looked at you with bored turquoise eyes, underneath and almost half of its face had burnt marks. Slowly trying to reach for a wood spoon you had to at least defend yourself the little man just raised his tiny hand first and burned to ashes your spoon!

"Hey!" You shriek and it only smirked at you before dropping from the counter and putting his hands on his tiny jacket and walking towards the living room.

You blinked, not quite certain of what just happened before your mind clicked as you gasped in realization.

That was the chibi! Your chibi!

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Your chibi was a quite handful one. He was always with that stoic face presented and neither tried to reach for your affection like most chibis would do... You were getting worried at it but slowly noticed that the chibi acted like that because your own soulmate had that personality.

"How lucky am I huh?" You sighed, resting your elbows on your legs and face on your hands as your chibi stared back at you with the same poker face as usual.

Although his activities and scars, you couldn't help but to find the chibi beautiful, giving you more and more wish to meet already the handsome man that was destined to be your soulmate.

"You are beautiful you know that?" You mumbled out loud and you giggled at the way the chibi's blue eyes widened before he scratched the back of neck, looking at his side to hide the faintest blush on the non scarred part of his cheek.

"Do... do chibis even eat?" You mused out loud and the chibi only stared back at you like you were an idiot. You gulped before listening to the sound of the water boiling and getting ready to make your noodles.

Whem you came back with a bowl your chibi suddenly squeaked. It was kinda rough and scratch type of squeak but adorable no less.

"You want it?" You offered a bit in your chopper sticks, blowing them a bit before feeding the chibi.

It finally smiled at you! A true kind of smile, not a sick or scary smirk he showed to you later!

It was a first step!

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Days passed by and the little fire blue ball warmed up to you. You, not knowing what else to name, decided to just refer at him like fireball sue to the obvious show of his quirk.

He always prefered to remain on your lap and on walk just sitting on your shoulder chilling. If anyone even dared to come closer you had to be carefull with your hair because the little shit immeditaly put his own little hand on fire.

Always after that you could smell the burnt of his skin. Frowning at it you cupped the chibi on your hands and kissed his hands. He didn't mind it all but as always the quiet chibi he was, didn't let out one single squeak.

"You know, I am grateful for you protecting me, but if it hurts you please dont do it, I dont want my soulmate suffering." You smiled gently at him which he only shrugged before carresing your cheek with his smaller hand.

You put him back on his shoulder and continue to walk before you stopped at the huge amount of people surrounding at least three heroes. You smiled at the childs asking for autographs before you sense it your chibi getting tense kn your shoulder when both of you spotted the current number one hero. Endeavour.

You looked at him and found him looking down at his hands.

"Not a fan of heroes fireball?" You asked gently before gasping at how he scotted over to cuddle ok your neck, burying his little face on it as you tried to cuddle him back on the best way you could. "Let's go home. Is better when is just the two of us right?" You asked with a kind smile as he only nodded in your shoulder.

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You were watching the news as your chibi took a nap in your lap, gently snores letting go of his tiny mouth as the reporter spoke. Suddenly it came the news of the most ranked villains...

Widening your eyes you saw a familiar man controling blue flames on the attack of the camping from the U.A school. Shakily looking down and up none of it could hid it... Your soulmate was a villain. A rank B fucking villain called Dabi.

Before you could react you suddenly felt a huge pain on your arm. Clenching you pet out a painful scream, making your chibi shriek in your lap before you dropped in the ground, tears gathering in your eyes as the pain suddenly changed from your arm to your back.

Curling up on the ground, whinning when the pain suddenly eased a bit you opened your eyes to see and hear your chibi, wide eyes and even the mint stables of his cheek and eyes to go off as his squeaks echoed in worry.

Whatever it was you felt... it wasn't your soulmate. If it was the chibi wouldn't be on this state...

"I-I'm fine... I g-guess I just need to go to the hospital to check my arm..." the chibi frowned and hugged your hand when you got up amd you smiled.

For a villain this man was surely an affectionate and touchy one...

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"A fractured arm?" You whispered as your chibi remained hidden on your hoodie.

"Sadly. Wear this sling for a few days and it should be okay, you're lucky! It almost broke." You gulped as you got out of the office only for your chibi to pop out from your hoodie and squeak.

"Is just a fracture arm fireball." You smiled at him "I will live!"

The chibi frowned at you, clearly not believing you before hiis eyes went wide as his whole little body trembled in your shoulder.

"Are you okay? Sweety?" You cupped him on your hand before he squeaked, shaking your finger and looking at your front. He started to squeak more and more loudly as you.

"W-Wait-!" You almost panicked when he jumped from your hand and only gave a tiny little tug on you before running off. Running after him you bumped into a few nurses, apologizing profusely.

"HEY! YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF!" You screamed before bumping into a hoodie masked man and falling on the ground.

You clenched with your free hand the side of your face before looking at the pair of chibis hugging eachother like their life depended on it... You widened your eyes at practically seing you there, blushing crinsom red when fireball carresed your chibi version cheek lovingly.

On their side was a sunglass as you curiously picked, a half scarred hand grabbed on yours as well before you locked your gaze with turquoise surprised eyes.

"Oh!" You retreaded your hand immediately with blushing cheeks. He retreaded his hand a bit to look around and get up hurriedly.

"Here." He offered his hand to help you up, he lifted you up and you got chest to chest with him as he admired you "We wouldn't want any other person to see us."

"I-I sure." You nodded following him to a more secluded place, your chibis trailing after you both.

On a dark alley, you waited for him to say another word. Staring at his back expectantly...

"You arent dumb. You know already who I am and what do I look like-" he turned to you, shoving his hood down to show you his face, the most beautiful and handsome face you've been dying to see "Right? Dollface?"

Not mindful of your blush, you took one more step closer to him before hesitantly cupping his face with your good hand. Not noticing how he frowned at your sling, a quite too remorseful face.

"You're the most beautiful man I ever saw... You know how much I've been waiting to see you?" You almost gasped in your words as his face slightly soften on a charming smirk as he hold onto your wrist.

"So my idea worked on coming to the hospital... Would it be bad if I stole a kiss from my soulmate then?"

You blushed even harder before both of you turned your head at hearing your chibi version squeak as Dabi's chibi hugged it close and already stole a kiss from them.

"Well, the little shit did over there, so I guess I can"

Before you could even say something you felt half chapped and scarred lips on yours as you melted in his arms, almost like he had used his quirk to leave the atmosphere hot enough.

[chokemedaddyclown]

Workout

Pennywise x Reader | Imagine Request

Anon Request: I'm kinda new here so I really dont know if this is asking too much, but do your think you can do an imagine where the reader is thicc and is doing squats/exercising in general and pennywise walks in on them? Maybe he joins in or something about how good she looks, idk but thanks for considering lol

A/N: Sorry if this is kinda short, I'm still getting back in the swing of things.

Your legs felt like they were on fire with each squat that you took, you were already 20 reps in and your muscles felt like they melt as easily as jello at any moment. You had done a great job at sticking to your workout routine lately, it had always been your goal to tone your body up and the results were definitely paying off.

You were lost in your own world now as you listened to the music you had going in the background, trying your best to focus on anything except the burning sensation in your calves and thighs. You were so transfixed on your workout that you hadn't even noticed the towering, flame-haired Pennywise that loomed in your doorway.

He was usually quick and unashamed about interrupting you in whatever you were doing, but this time he only stood there, staring over your body as he watched you. The sight of you in yoga pants and a flimsy sports bra was definitely new for him.

"Busy, pet?" He finally chirped, taking a large step towards you.

You gasped, still not completely used to the fact that he could pop up at anytime and scare the shit out of you, which, seemed to be his intentions 90% of the time.

"Jeez, Penny!" You huffed, clutching your hand over your heart. Your wiped some sweat from your brow. "Do you always have to do that?"

"Of course I don't have to," he hummed, lowering his head to you as he took in your scent. "But I prefer it."

You couldn't help but crack a small smile, shaking your head. "Yeah, I figured, but you did catch me in the middle of a workout."

He chuckled, his eyes wandering over your body, stopping short to catch a look at your backside in the tight fitting yoga pants. "You humans partake in some of the.. oddest activities."

You cut your eyes to him. "I seem to recall you thoroughly enjoying quite a few of those activities."

"Some of those activities are pure instinct, my pet, even for me." Penny's eyes narrowed as he gave you a wicked smile. "And I must say.. You do look ravishing," he growled, reaching out to place his hands on your shoulders as he nipped at your skin with his sharp teeth.

"You really think so?" You caught your bottom lip between your teeth as you slightly leaned into his touch.

Even though you knew he had no reason to lie, nor would he ever, you just wanted to him say it. It wasn't in his nature to be the most affectionate, if at all, but ever since the two of you had come into contact and gained somewhat of a bond, he seemed to gain just the slightest bit of humanity. That was made clear by the fact that he could kill you at literally any moment if he saw it fit, but he never did.

"Very much so, why wouldn't I?" He purred, pressing his head against the back of yours as you felt the wetness of his tongue slide against the base of your neck, tasting you. "You are the most enchanting human I've ever seen."

You sighed softly, "You sure you're not just saying that because I taste good?"

"Never said it wasn't one of the reasons, human," he said, with a guttural lilt to his tone.

You turned to look up at his large frame, laying your hands on his stained costume. "I should finish up."

A wicked smile formed on his face as he placed a gloved hand beneath your chin, lifting it so you were forced to look up at him. "I have a more suitable job for you."

"Then why dont you show me?" You smirked, already knowing there was no way you were getting away from him now.

[anonil88]

This is a diary entry just for my brain.

I'm sad but so is everyone else. I should've understood that I wasn't special before I got 25. Nothing in this life is afforded to you and you have to make things happen. Life doesn't happen to you, not the random stuff. I dont know why I lived in a fantasy for so long and I don't even know how to get out of it. Will doing everything you're supposed to do as an adult make me happy, no, and im already sad so it doesn't matter. This is just what life is when you havent been given anything in life like rich privilege kids. We get spam messages from people just also trying to make one more dollar because we are all just struggling in this together. The system can't even collapse because it wouldn't work for those who have no way out.

I guess my mom raised me with a God complex where I felt better than, like why should I have to do this when this has always worked. But its not working anymore so now I just gotta do what works best and thats just what everyone else does. Everyone says think of it as this is just where you are now. But where I am now has been how its been since I was 17ish. Yes, there have been changes but a lot has stayed the same.

I buy some things because they make me happy not because I see a vision or need them. So any money I get just goes to the very small portion I do help my grandparents out. They say they don't want my help and to do my own thing with my money but its gotten to the point where they are getting older so that won't work. They've both been really sick as of late. So I gotta do something else to make more to help them out and try to just get completely independent. My future partner shouldn't be looking at me like im a child they have to take care of.

I got coddled a lot because my mom died so young and I don't have my dad. Even though I'd just turned 17 so its not like I was an infant so I should have handled that better. My aunt tells me that a diagnosis won't change anything. She's not wrong because I'm still gonna have to do everything I put off in despite. A diagnosis will give me something to pinpoint but I still have to overcome it. Its just another challenge and pills won't fix that there is a challenge. Id continue therapy but i don't like talking when my family could possibly hear me even though they aren't listening the anxiety would remain. It won't make me grow up any faster or slow down time. I still think people should get diagnosed but maybe I don't need it right now. I just need to figure out how to do better without it. God gave me 2+ years of a pandemic and I really sat on my ass got malnourished depressed and just made art. There's a lot of shitty places hiring but shitty and overworked is better than broke and stressed.

I can't complain though I'm extremely privileged and I know all of my thoughts deserves an eyeroll because I'm dramatic compared to people with far worse. Everyone's got depression and anxiety so it means I can do these things too, I'm just lazy. Like maybe I shouldn't use lazy and Its nothing to do with mental illness im just unmotivated. I've been unmotivated since I was little, things made me happy but I just didn't want to do anything. My mom tried to raise me out of it with hobbys but I still prefer staying in my head than in real life. She used to get on me for half assing task because id get distracted and hurry quickly in order to do what's on my mind. When I wouldn't...I forgot what I was typing oh my anxiety would just skyrocket. It's nice there in my head when I'm not depressed its a place with even little responsibilities than I have now. Can't get paid and can't live in this world by staying in that place.

All this motivation sounds nice but will it go anywhere?

My aunt tells me that sounds nice but what are you actually going to do. My grandma used to say when I was young you talk a lot but don't do anything. I talk a lot and maybe its an attempt to make myself feel better or garner pity. If I'm really honest its the pity because pity feels better than being chastised or when the first thing that is brought up as the reason everyone is getting sick is you. I just sit in my room but my presence of things takes up too much space as its starting to well really since I came back from college entered into the rest of the house.

I can do better though for myself and this isn't or shouldn't be as good as it gets. I saw a tiktok and someone said if you've never worked customer service or minimum wage and only gone to college then you don't know as much about the world as you think. At first ill be honest it stung, my longer minimum wage job was 3rd graders not adults. So in reality to most people my world view is small. I don't really do well with adults cause they start sensing my awkwardness and I try to hide it as best as I can. I can't just exist in this world as my full self because the full potential my family wants to see from me includes me being seen as the weird person not just in looks. Which is frowned upon by my grandma. My outer expression is the best I get at not performing my personality. That's probably one of the reasons I love clothes so much. Anyways adults I get uncomfortable around because they stare too long, kids are cool but it depresses me to know all their creativity will be thwarted. I also get uncomfortable around them because they pick up on my lack of understanding or my gender weirdness and they have 0 filter. Why do you wear that? What's this? What's that? And my social battery is damn near empty after.

I've been writing this for a half hour I should stop now. I haven't had stomach spasms from anxiety since 2019, just had a huge one.