#but. is it too much to ask to be surrounded by people obsessed w me at all times.

[l-cereta]

thinking 'when will it be my turn' when it very literally quite recently was my turn... even tho ive already been blessed to have ppl in my life who treated me (ME!!) kindly i still have the audacity to yearn... idk if i'd ever be satisfied

[lovverletters]

Yandere Stalker

Note that this is a reupload from my previous blog @hyerinrose

T/W : popular kid! Reader, Obsessive behaviour, possessive behaviour, delusional thoughts, stalking, implied murder, non consensual of pictures being taken, kidnapping

•┈••✦ 🎀✦••┈•💌•┈••✦ 🎀 ✦••┈•

💌Yandere Stalker who were known as an outcast in your school. He was the kid that everyone's avoid like the plague for simply existing. You thought that it was unfair for him to be treated like that! While you were constantly surrounded by people, he has to sit all alone during class.

💌Yandere Stalker who never pays much attention to everyone around him including you until one day you decided to do something nobody did. You helped him as he was being picked on by the bullies. You are his saviour! He is touched by your action and decided to devote himself to you.

💌Yandere Stalker who begun following you around in secrecy, wherever you are he is 100% somewhere not too far. He also takes pictures of you every chance he got, nobody ever question him as he is a member of the photography club. He's obviously just taking snapshot of you bending over the table for the yearbook!

💌Yandere Stalker who depises your popularity amongst the students. Not only are you constantly being swarmed by those disgusting pests, you also have a truck load of admirers! He couldn't count how many people he has taken out for daring to ask you out.

"Don't these insects know that you belong to me! They just never learn don't they?"

💌Yandere Stalker who deluded himself into thinking that you and him are together. That the reason you never openly be affectionate with him is because you don't want him to be the target of your envious admirers! I mean you smile at him, you laugh at his jokes, you helped him with his homework, you even gave him a hug! You're definitely dating him.

(Thats not how it works bro-)

💌Yandere Stalker who became infuriated once he learned of your rumoured partner. How could you cheat on him like this?! After all these thing he'd done for you and you left him for that thing?

💌Yandere Stalker who kidnapped you as you were walking home from school. He had memorised your schedule and path to your house, he hid in one of the alley and tackled you once you walked past it.

💌"Good morning darling! I hope I didn't knock you out too hard didn't I? Oh my.. this is so exciting! I finally have you all to myself! I love love you sooo much"

•┈••✦ 🎀✦••┈•💌•┈••✦ 🎀 ✦••┈•

[svmjaeyvn]

love maze, s.jy.

chapter two pairing: jake x afab!reader word count: tbd (series)

masterlist

add yourself to the taglist here!

genre: college!au, mutual friends, fake dating, smut.

synopsis: an unfortunate encounter, drunken mistakes, and a sort of (definitely) stalker leads jake sim ‘dating’ his best friend’s childhood crush.

or, your life gets intertwined with a rich boy’s in attempt to not get sued by his crazy personal fangirl and like with all good cliches, sex overcomplicates things.

contents: smut, sort of strangers to fuck buddies to lovers pipeline, childhood best friend!jay, mentions of best friend! yunjin, curly haired & mixed reader, uni!au, rich nepo baby!jake, enha frat boys, lots of kissing, fake dating turning into fwb real quick, totally way too into it for it to be fake early on, big booty reader that’s jake’s obsessed with, partying and alcohol use, slight violence, he fell first and harder trope, stem bf & writer gf, (kinda overly) possessive jake, some angst to spice things up, daddy issues, hyper independent reader who struggles with her feelings, fluff and happy ending!!

a/n: hello~ i’ve never been a tumblr girly but i have went through my w*ttpad era back in 2018 so bare with me y’all. this will be a series but not that long (i hope) so pls look forward to it. warning tags will be placed before each “chapter” to specify what to expect. pls pls reblog and interact, i’d love to have feedback and see what your thoughts are. okay! yay, for now enjoy and thank you sm :D

MDNI, 18+

tap below to continue

CHAPTER TWO: INTOXICATING

previous masterlist next

word count: 1.9k

warnings: alcohol, partying, mentions of yeonjun for funzies, jake thinking with his dick even after what just happened so sort of questionable???

a/n: bare with me i’m trying to build the plot a little bit

YOU DIDN’T KNOW how you ended up back at the frat house. Truly, the party was in full swing and after dealing with the encounter that you did, it would've made the most sense to go home and cry it all out, maybe eat some ice cream for dinner and watch a few romcoms. But that wasn't the case due to Yunjin sending you a text saying how she wouldn't be coming home for the night, the date seemingly going well and you didn't have it in you to ruin her night by telling her of yours.

Thus, uncomfortable with being left alone, you opted to go the other route and surround yourself with as many people as possible. Though, the boys hadn't wandered far, keeping you in sight at all times and Jay particularly staying by your side no matter how many times you told him to still enjoy himself knowing how much of a social butterfly he was a majority of the time. Your work uniform was disregarded in his room, changed into a spare pair of flare jeans and lacy top to fit in with the party, courtesy of the few clubbing nights you went to with him and ended up spending the night, leaving your clothes in his dirty laundry after stealing large hoodies and sweats.

All bad things could be washed away with alcohol, or so they said. Thus, you were on your fourth round of shots in the last 30 minutes with a random group who made their way in the kitchen, never one to have been a lightweight but typically better at timing your drinking. Jay was growing particularly antsy by your actions, knowing you were acting out of the need to forget but he didn't want to let you drink irresponsibly.

"Why don't you slow down a bit, yeah teeny?" Jay asks, leaned close to your ear for you to hear over the loud blaring of music. Attempting to take away the can of Twisted Tea, something you typically hated by the taste but tonight didn't seem to care, while you pull it back with a pointed look.

"I'm fine," You emphasize, words clear and steady, the alcohol not hitting you yet much to your relief. Glancing around, you make eye contact with the umpteenth girl who had been shooting daggers your way for keeping Jay occupied thus far. "If you don't go away I'm gonna end up getting jumped tonight by your fangirls," You add with a small snort.

Jay followed your gaze, turning to the girl who's face morphed from a glare into a sickenly sweet smile as she waved at him with a bite of her lip, attempting to be seductive but he merely snorts at the gesture. "Pretty sure she got chlamydia from a dude in the drama department,"

You scrunched up your nose, finding the information one you didn't need to know. "At least you know better than to fuck anyone that offers," Taking a long sip of your drink once more, the slight burn in your throat becoming easier to bare. "Alright, I'm gonna go dance. You go do anything else,"Jay shakes his head almost immediately causing you to send him a bored look. "I'm fine dude, honest. You need to stop worrying so much. Nothing actually happened,"

"You're not in the right headspace," He protests but you let out a small snort.

"Jesus, dude, you act like an overprotective brother,"

"I am!" Jay defends while you shake your head.

"We're not even related!" You shoot back but his jaw drops in offense.

"We were born a week apart, our moms have been friends since high school. We're basically twins, I know you better than yourself," He lists off, deeply concerned by the way you were disregarding your twins in another life theory that your families always joked of since you were young.

"I'm definitely not your twin, you know why?" You start, standing up from the kitchen island with a small smirk playing at your lips. Your head began to feel fuzzy, the start of your buzz coming and the tension from earlier leaving you slowly but surely. "I'm hotter," You finish, a cocky look playing at your features while Jay rolls his eyes.

"Right, and which one of us gets laid?"

"Hey!" You hiss, waggling a finger in his direction. "I don't hook up by choice. Y'all are nasty,"

"And because you're a hermit who doesn't see the light of day," He snickers causing you to narrow your eyes at him.

Decidedly having enough of the banter, you merely spin on the heels of your feet. "Bye Jay!" You call over your shoulder making your way toward the living room which was lively and loud, body's meshed together and dancing to whatever song that was blaring through the speakers that sounded through the house.

Jay let out a sigh of defeat, pulling out his phone to do a headcount of where everyone was. Thankfully, Heeseung and Jake were in the general area you were, him asking them to keep an eye on you for the time being and getting a thumbs up in response.

Heeseung was on the dance floor, a random girl he never met before tonight swaying herself pressed up against his hips. He looked lively, a few more shots in and just wanting to mess around for the time being. You spotted the tall boy momentarily in the jumble of people who nodded over to you ensuring that you were okay, a nod you returned reassuring him and he took it as enough to go back to his business.

Meanwhile, Jake was on the sidelines, leaned up against the wall as he spotted you the moment you walked over. Far too caught up with the events from earlier, he found it hard to enjoy himself, feeling partially sorry for you but also having an unpleasant pit in his stomach, not necessarily angry but he couldn't exactly pinpoint it.

He continued to sip at the cup of punch Jungwon had conducted up, only drinking it due to how excited the younger boy was of his creation but it was entirely too strong for anyone to stomach more than one cup.

His eyes continued to glance over you, taking in each of your curves that was showed off by the tightness of your jeans. They hugged your ass in the right places, emphasizing the perky shape before beginning to flare out from the knee down. The lacy black top was cropped, showing a good portion of your stomach due to the mid rise of your pants, the deep v-plunge neckline providing more to the imagination in seeing your breast that were pushed up with your bra. The shiny gleam that came off of your naval piercing catching Jake by surprise, having to do a double take to ensure he was seeing things correctly.

You were attractive, that was obvious enough. Although slightly shameful, he couldn't help but rake his eyes over you, thoughts filling his head imagining what it would be like to have you under him, staring up with that daze-y doe eyed look that would make him bend to of any of your desires.

But there was a problem with that. He wasn't the only one with eyes, able to see you and the way you swayed your body to the music, your tiny waist and full thighs that he wanted to die between if so lucky. Jake took note of the few guys who's glances began to wander toward you, even ones who had already claimed their fuck buddies for the night and danced alongside them all while drooling at you who danced by yourself.

He watched as a familiar face make his way toward you. Choi Yeonjun, cool dude to be friends with, horrible guy to date. His reputation preceded him in more ways than one, notorious for stringing girls along week by week and the worst part was they knew of his doings. It was embarrassing how they fought to be his newest toy for the day, a sort of achievement to the girls he's strung along to say they've ticked hooking up with Yeonjun off their list.

Yeah, not happening. Jake didn't know if it was due to him still feeling protective due to you unintentionally calling him for help, or rather the more sinful thoughts that passed through his head moments ago and not wanting to sit and watch you to become a new trophy to a guy like Choi Yeonjun.

Picking himself up from where he was leaned back, Jake took a large swig of his now lukewarm concoction of liquors. Weaving his way through the crowd, he pushes his way to you just as Yeonjun stops in front of your view.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, Jake leans close to your ear. "Go along with it," He whispers, catching you by surprise as you were previously engrossed by the music in your own little world, unaware that two of the most lusted over guys at the party were having a silent debate over you at the moment.

Feeling the alcohol now coursing through your bloodstream, you obliged by Jake's words. Continuing on without a word of protest, though you did take the red solo cup from his hand and took a sip from it as you adapted to dancing with him now. Scrunching up your nose upon the drink hitting your tongue, you look at Jake with an incredulous look of disgust in his beverage choices causing him to laugh.

"Jungwon made it," He explains with a small shrug, leaning dangerously close to your face as his breath lightly fanned against your lips. Peering over your shoulder, a small smirk plays at his features seeing as Yeonjun had disappeared from your sight, decidedly giving up on any sort of chance he was attempting to have with you for the night.

"It sucks," You respond back and yet still take another sip, this time longer as you quickly swallow it without time for it to settle on your tongue. Jake's smile turns into one of amusement, watching as you handled the alcohol as if it were nothing before you placed the cup back in his hold. "You either dance with me or go away, your pissing contest with that dude is over now,"

Jake raised a brow. "Pissing contest?"

"You know, marking territory that's not yours," You shoot back, a bored look sent to him as he sheepishly shrugs. "I don't need you being protective like Jay. For one, we barely know each other and two, I'm not that much of an idiot to hook up with Choi Yeonjun no matter how badly I need to get laid. So you either shut up and dance with me or you go away,"

Already rather blunt as it was, the second you got alcohol in your system you tended to be more unfiltered than necessary. Jake finds amusement in your confession but your eyes seem so certain. Though the slight gleam in them as you looked up caused his stomach to do a flip, one that caused him to not think clearly.

Jake didn't respond, instead his arm slips down from your shoulders down to your waist, snaking around and encasing your body against his own. A small smile perks at your lips, sighing blissfully at his lack of commentary and rather allowing you to do as pleased.

"Good choice," You mumble out, breath fanning against his neck as your arms lazily drape from his neck, brining your bodies dangerously close to one another though neither of you minded.

After all, having a little fun with a hot guy never hurt anyone, right?

[starxluv]

||Kaede and Korekiyo with a Obsessive/Stalker G/N Reader

i guess you could take this in a yandere sense if you want to 🤷‍♀️

oh yeah, and I’m making this take place in the killing game

Kaede Akamatsu 🎹💗

On the first day that you guys met, you were a bit too ‘clingy’.

It was odd, but she just assumed that you were just being overly friendly and acted like that with everyone.

Well, she didn’t exactly see you interact with anyone else but her.

In the morning, you were always standing at the door of her dorm room.

“Good morning Kaede! I see you’re ready to head to the dining hall, we should go there together!”

“Er…How long have you been standing here?”

“About 30 minutes.”

The odd thing about it is that you seemed to not notice anything wrong with the way you acted.

“You don’t see anything weird about that?”

Kaede asked you, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

“Nope!” You exclaimed as you grabbed her hand and started walking towards the school.

She was definitely feeling fear rise in her stomach, what was stopping you from killing her on the spot?

“You look so cute today! Did you do something new with your hair?”

Kaede was surprised, she did infact do a new thing with her hair. But, it was very hard to see.

“Wow, you really pay attention to me that much? I’m flattered, Y/N.”

“Of course I do! I watch you every single day.”

That’s when Kaede stopped walking, all of the alarms went off in her head.

“W-watch me? What do you mean ‘you watch me daily’?”

“Well, I watch you play piano, talk to Shuichi, sleep-“

“SLEEP?” Kaede cut you off once she heard that you watch her sleep.

“Not only are those things you just mentioned you weren’t there for. But, sleep?! What the fuck…?”

“Of course I watch you sleep, doesn’t everyone watch people rest?”

“NO. No, no, no! Only creeps do that.”

“Oh. Good thing I’m not a creep.”

She looked up at you, stepping away slowly.

“Sorry about this, but I think it’s best if I walk to the dining hall…alone…”

“Aww, why?”

You asked as she sprinted away from you.

Little did she know, this wasn’t the last she’d see you at her front door.

Korekiyo Shinguji📚

He thought you were very ‘interesting’.

That’s his replacement word for weird af.

Nobody really paid any attention to him, but you did.

He was very observant of his surroundings, and well, you weren’t the best at hiding.

“Y/N, what are you doing?”

He looked at you dead in the eye as you were trying to hide in a bush.

“……just living life….”

He feels flattered that you’re so interested in him, It’s very unusual for him.

(i’m trying so goddamn hard not to make this NSFW 😩)

He didn’t even introduce himself to you, yet you were already all over him.

“Kukuku, your rather ‘special’ nature makes you all the more beautiful.”

Though, he does get annoyed by it sometimes. Especially when he’s trying to do something in private.

—————————————————————————-

Korekiyo was planning his infamous ‘seesaw attack’ as he messed with the floorboards.

“Hey Kiyo!”

He turned around as he saw you standing right behind him with a big grin on your face.

“W-what the-? How did you get in?! I locked the door!”

“I couldn’t get in so I took off the door, duh!”

Kiyo looked behind you to see that you quite literally used a screwdriver to unscrew the door off.

“Anyways, what are you doing?”

He knew he couldn’t actually tell you what he was doing, that would fuck up his entire plan.

But, he was very aware of your obsession with him, so perhaps you could help him.

“Hm, well Y/N, I’m working on an ‘experiment’ with these floorboards. I’m trying to see if they’re are capable of harming a human being.”

“Of course they’re capable of harming people, Kiyo. I’m not stupid. Tell me the truth.

Gosh darn it, he really did think that excuse would work with you.

It felt like his only option was to tell you the truth, if you didn’t want to help afterwards, he could just kill you.

“If you insist, I shall give you the truth, I’m setting up a murder trap.”

You stared at him, thinking to yourself if you should, run or stay.

It wasn’t completely morally correct to stay and help, but you stalking him proved that you barely have morals.

“Can I help?”

“Of course, Y/N.”

Korekiyo proceeded to win the killing game and live a good life. You died with all the others.

[valleyfthdolls]

1, 7, 10, and 24 for the violence ask game, w/ the fandom being FNAF 💪💪

Mostly fandom related bc holy shit this Fandom has the worst god damn takes /hj

1: Elizabeth Afton. It’s SO clear to see that the girl was a victim of blatant neglect, emotional abuse, and likely physical beating given the graphic novels as well. People who characterize her as a spoiled brat who William loved and treated like a princess drive me fucking mad. God forbid an abuse victim have a fawn reflex to their abuser and also be a small child with small child behaviors I guess. And people can’t even (though they do try to) pull the fucking “oh well she’s just so badly written” with Liz. A) none of the Aftons are written at all, B) Liz is THE most explored of the Afton kids. The series digs into her childhood and her psychology in the novels, much more than any canon material does for Michael. Elizabeth is written fine, y’all are just misogynists who are weird as fuck about abuse being depicted in more than one way.

7: If I have to see one more piece of DCA x abused!y/n mermaid mafia au tentacle porn art on my dash I think that’ll be the last straw for me. I have every tag related to them blocked. Which sucks because they’re fine characters! They’re cool! I just can’t STAND the fanon.

10: Everything surrounding the crying child, ranging from obnoxious name discourse people get way too comfortable sending others hate over to obsessively absolving Michael of any wrongdoing to outright abuse apologism and ableism.

24: Michael’s abuse of the crying child. People will jump through literally every hoop you could POSSIBLY imagine to say it’s not abuse, the word abuse is too strong, Michael’s not and never was an abuser, and it’s such bullshit. You want to like a redeemed guy but can’t admit he did anything to be redeemed from. Locking your little sibling in rooms? Intentionally tormenting and scaring them? Grabbing and dragging them around like Mike does at the party with his friends? Every decision he made leading up to the bite? That is ALL sibling abuse made worse by the fact that Mike seems to be, during those 5 days, his brother’s primary caretaker, a role he uses and abuses the power of to abuse his brother. If you can’t accept that I don’t truly believe you actually like Michael so much as you like the 2018 gacha softboy version of him who can do no wrong and was the victim all the time.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I finally had the time to reread Jimin's interview for W Korea, as well as the on-set Q&A taken during the photoshoot.

I think that when it comes to an artist, such as Jimin or any other one in a similar position, it can be difficult to end up with a truly valuable interview, especially when it doesn't have a very specific purpose based on some recent work or release. For example, if one would release a solo album like J-Hope, then the interview would have a clear direction, focused on his music and the entire process of creation. Which is what his interview with W Korea actually turned up to be.

But then, what do you do with someone who is in between? Leaving behind and pressing pause on group activities and getting ready to release his own music, but he's not quite there yet. I found that most of the questions were concentrated on his wellbeing, mental state, as well as his work ethic and his obvious perfectionism. I also saw that Jimin is perhaps ready to let go of his obsession with his youth, by closing his 20s and getting ready for his 30s. I think that only now that process begins and it shows how much he has matured.

But apart from that, I think there were some missed opportunities here, not only on behalf of the interviewer, but also in Jimin's responses. And given than it was made through email exchange, it wouldn't have been that difficult. I noticed that Jimin has a particular way of creating his answers, a product of media training and perhaps a need to reveal enough to make the reader think they found out something new, when in fact it's not really the case. His answers are short, right to the point, without any free flow and letting his mind just take him in a natural progression. And all this is made through some vague, general statements, avoiding any details. He talks about the process of making his own album and how it's more difficult because he's on his own, but he doesn't elaborate on the specifics. At this point, it's a pattern.

But I also believe that the way questions are formulated has a direct impact on the type of answers received. For example, when Jimin mentioned he felt lost, the next question was perhaps too leading, offering immediately 3 options as reasons. It was too leading, instead of being open and letting Jimin reveal on his own thoughts on that topic. It was almost like he was given the easy way out on a topic which could be too revealing. Not that he wouldn't be able to avoid it all together, this was not live, but to me, it looked a bit constrictive.

I also noticed that the interview was taken from the perspective of having a conversation with idol/BTS member Jimin and regular person Jimin, and not as much with dancer Jimin (there was intention there, but cut off too soon, including with Jimin's answer about his childhood). If this was an opportunity to present Jimin on his own, talking more about his craft would have been a really great way of diving deeper into the actual specificity of his work, of his skills. He's a dancer who is barely asked questions, despite the fact that his performances are now considered memorable.

Ultimately, I appreciate that he's open about his vulnerabilities, although he is distancing himself from it, talking from his present about his past and how things are better. Which I hope it is. But then again, it's like a clinical response. And I don't blame him for it. Each of us has the right to talk about it depending on our boundaries. And given Jimin's position, what we know about him and how guarded he is, it makes sense. It was nice and comforting to see that he is surrounded by people who are there for him. That part of the interview really stuck with me.

As a last observation, related to regular and not superstar Jimin, I think this interview and the Q&A reflect how unglamorous he is and no hint of vanity in sight. That's something that I never sensed with him and the interview falls in that category as well. I think he's confident enough, without bragging at all. Jimin mastered the art of how to present and create and ideal image of a humble and loved idol and up until now, there's hasn't been anything in 10 years to contradict that. And choosing to end the interview by saying he's nothing but a guy in a tracksuit was the perfect closing line.

[magicalyaku]

Hey there! I'm back from writing paradise. I admit I might have gotten a little obsessed but that was just because writing is so easy and fun while everything else is always hard. u3u But I basically finished my novel so I have no excuses anymore not to get back into real life. Here's what I read in May! Pretty good month! uAu

Keeper of the Lost Cities 3: Everblaze (Shannon Messenger): The first one in the series I read instead of listening. Was a good choice because I think I missed quite a bit of the first volumes. 8D Also, it's so long. I don't think, me being me, that I would have made it though the audiobook. Don't get me wrong, I like the story. I have a tremendous respect at how it is written, keeping all the plotpoints together, presenting the puzzle pieces little by little, managing the huge cast of people. When I complain next time about a Middle Grade book being too simple and too shallow than this is the kind of book I'm comparing it to. My one problem in this volume was, how the tension never lets down. It's so wound tight all the time, everything is always on the edge of collapsing, including Sophie. It was a little exhausting for me. So I was very glad, there were at least some answers near the end.

The Scottish Boy (Alex de Campi): I went to Scotland at the beginning of May to visit my friend, so what better book to read than this. And what a book. It's the kind of story, where so much happens in the relationship of the protagonists that right after it ends you want to go back to the beginning and read all their first interactions all over again. Hng. It's great. Also Alys, my queen. When she first appeared I was so afraid she'd turn out evil. Because court intrigues and stuff. The ending of this book is all my heart desires. I don't actually like war stories, you know. But after In Memoriam and now this, they sure make good love stories. The drama of for once not knowing where it all goes? Who lives and who doesn't? Damn. I really enjoyed reading this book. The illustrations by Trungles are also verrry nice. uAub

Captive Prince (C.S. Pacat): This was a reread and I read the other two volumes in June, so my thoughts on the series will go there. :)

Wraith, Entity & Presence (Oracle of Senders 3,4 + 3.5) (Mere Joyce): It's so hard to tell my feelings for this series. There's a lot of death and murder, there's choking and burning and failed exorcism and so much danger of death and still it was just so pleasant to read, so charming and nice and laid-back. It's so weird. 8D I liked the cast of characters and the adventure and Cal's and Meander's relationship (the complete lack of gay panic and homophobic surroundings), the classical music references (even though I never looked up a single one). I wish there was a sequel with Cal and Meander as adults. I mean, I realise, it would be difficult to do in a classic novel format because the ghost cases just aren't big enough to last a whole book, but imagine it like a half-hour show oder manga series with a ghost of the week for half the chapter and their happy slice of life for the rest. Hah. Good series.

The Hanged Man & The Hourglass Throne (The Tarot Sequence 2+3) (K.D. Edwards): I didn't think about it while reading but in retrospective this series fits into what I categorise as "wild". There's so much shit happening here. Big and bold. At the end of volume 1 I was still undecided of I like it enough to buy it on paper. These doubts were washed away with the sequels. It's an investment in the beginning, getting into the world and all, but I found it totally worth it. That one big drama at the end of vol3? Yes, totally got me. Like right from the textbook. Make me care, rip me apart. Damn.

The Buried and the Bound (Rochelle Hassan): If someone asked me in a survey about what I want to read and then actually went and made it into a book, this might be the result. This contains only things I like: two suffering (gay) boys, one tough girl (not involved in any romance), which is the best constellation of characters, really. Some magic, some adventure, some drama, different storythreads that weave nicely together in the end. I enjoyed reading it a whole lot and am looking forward to the sequels!

Ander & Santi were here (Jonny Garza Villa): Now this one was difficult. I think it's a good book, I wanted to like it, but. Hear me out. For me, this is split in three parts. The first one is about the illegal immigrants. See, for as long as I remember my dad worked in a … what's it called in English … an housing complex for refugees? Not a camp, but like a dorm. And while illegals and refugees are still a step apart, they're at least somehow adjacent. I lived basically next to them half my life and never cared. When in 2015 there was a huge wave of refugees coming to my country and everyone was freaking out, I just thought "Great, that means my dad will keep his job" (because the dorm was always on the verge of closing down and it would probably been tough for my dad as one of very few black people in a kind of racist small town to find a new job.) So anyway, I thought it was a good thing to finally read an actual story about people in these situations, to learn how to care. So that part was good and insightful. The second part was about the art. I draw manga only, but I do consider myself an artist and I was around when manga became big in my country and the art schools hated it and made us suffer. I have thoughts on art. And I really enjoyed reading about Ander's art and process and thoughts. My favourite part of the book! And then there's part 3, the love story. And I think, because I connected more strongly to the other parts than usual I felt the disconnect here much more than usual! The romance in here is very intense and very physical and my aroace brain didn't compute at all. Complete detachment. Which was kind of a problem, because the romance is a huge part of the book. I really wanted to like it but it didn't work. I did like Ander as a character, though, and their family and friends. And the cover is still so damn pretty!

That's it!

[plasmasimagination]

Hiii, congrats on your 300+ followers. I saw some of your match up posts and I'm so curious (and exciting, too) about it. So I would like to ask for a HSR and Genshin match up. But if you don't do multiple, then you can do just a HSR match up.~

I'm an INFJ with Scorpio sun. I would say I'm an old soul with a carefree, sometime childlike, personality. Let me make it clear.~ I enjoy philosophical topics and deep conservation. And history and historical things always get my attention. I'm always attracted to vintage or academic things and activities like museum, classical literature and music, languages studying... Even my fashion style get affected by my academic aesthetic obsession. But I know how to make a good joke and enjoy my time, too. When I'm surrounded by my familiars, I can get childish and clingy. That's how I show my trust, by putting down my hyper-independent mask and letting myself get vulnerable around them. Towards strangers, I can be seen as aloof and quiet. And it needs many many and maaaaany effort for me to warm up to anybody.

I'm quite competitive, at least in academic field. Maybe it's the post-gifted-kid syndrome, lol. When I set my eyes on something, I will neglect everything to achieve my goal. So you can assume that my health is not always in good shape (the truth is I get sick often, haiz). But that doesn't mean I don't know when I should stop. Instead, I'm proud to say I know how to keep myself in check when my competitive tendency could do bad things to other people. Normally, I'm type of people to just go with the flow. Some of my friends may say I'm a softie if the problem doesn't bother me too much to make me feel annoyed. And when I'm annoyed, that's a different story. Safe to say I can make a grown-up man cry with my words. You don't have to always use violence to solve things.

I think I have talents in learning languages. I can speak 3 languages and currently I'm learning another one. Yet, my major is business administration. You know, economy major is always a safe choice.

I'm quite short. But I think 155cm is an average height for an Asian so never mind. I have long black hair (oh I loooove long hairs in general, including my hair too, safe to say I love playing with my friends' hairs dguahuihhwh), dark brow eyes and soft feature with plump lips (my favorite features~) and a beauty mark on my right chin, right under my mouth (yes my favorite features again hehe). But my friends prefer my round full cheeks or my doe eyes (hm, and I think my eyes are rather sad, not doe-eyes much).

I adore cute and girly (?) things. Like flowers, small animals, moon, rain, autumn, soft color like pink or lilac... My fashion style mixes with feminine, classic and academia style. In conclusion, you can imagine some long black skirts, long dresses with flowers patterns and laces, white blouses, trench coats, a pair of marry janes...

My hobbies includes reading, journaling and just sleeping. My love languages are physical touch, quality time and acts of service. I prefer calm, collected, mature and gentle people and genders don't matter with me (if it helps).

I apologize in advance if I overdo it. But I believe the more details, the easier for you to finish my request! Have a great day or night and remember to take care of yourself.~

HI THERE SWEEETIEEE ヾ(≧∇≦)ゞ

EEK,so these guys were somewhat most fitting for you, but if you do decide you want to know which girls would go well with you don't be shy to send in another request (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ )

Anyways- HM HM HM , very good I like the details, but it wasn't hard to match you up either way ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

So, your matchup is ....

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.

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DAN HENG

Two intellectuals = power couple.

I like to imagine that he would find enjoyment in talking with you

I know I know, partners should love to talk w each other and stuff, but he especially enjoys talking with **you**

I can imagine it took you guys a whole while to get to trust each other, but when you do you guys are inseparable

He will also make sure to look after you so you don't overwork yourself

And work on getting your immune system better, by forcing you to eat properly and to get enough sleep.

Partner that can make you cry x boyfriend that's there to protect partner if they encounter trouble >>>

Also a thing I like to imagine y'all would do is lay in each other embrace reading, and then later you can tell him about the book you read and he will listen intently like AHH adorable!

And...

AL HAITHAM

It's Dan Heng in a different font! /J (what can I say darling you attract smart guys)

No but I think that you would also be able to vibe w alhaitham

And babe ...I wouldn't like to cross the two of you

Like you guys probably have an intense power couple energy where you will and can bully someone by merely looking at them, I'm teriffied.

I'd imagine you and alhaitham would have a lot of discussions, not arguments, just discussions about certain topics

Generally I like to think you guys would get along very good since you have a lot of things in common

He's quite less fond of physical contact than dan Heng, and prefers to show his love through acts of service and quality time

He would buy you books he thinks you're interested in

And always make time in his oh so busy schedule to spend time with you, so don't worry you get just enough attention from him

[evanox]

ferdinand von aegir - 1, 8, 12, 25!

(chara ask game)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character? I have a soft spot for characters who are sort of disliked by everyone on account of how "obnoxious" they can be and their inability to read social cues, but these characters are still trying their best yk? He's my babygirl cinnamon roll and he's too good for this world, too pure, and he's a lil dumb but he's got a good heart!! tl;dr: i love him for his autistic swag

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? hmm nothing comes to mind bc I haven't interacted w/ fe3h fandom much and when I did, I was surrounded by people who really loved ferdie and have just the best takes on his character OH right not completely related but there was one time a couple years ago (or more) where someone tweeted jeritza should replace ferdinand in the adrestian trio and i have never been so angry abt a fan opinion in my entire life bc how could you be so WRONG

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? Fe3h hasn't been a fixation of mine for a while and I feel like there are many writers and artists who have already gone above and beyond fleshing out ferdie's character, so i don't feel like i have much to add;; I'll share one of my fav hcs though and it's that during times of peace ferdinand would do his best to find a tea blend that would suite hubert's bitter tastes

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? I think my first impression and my current impressions are pretty much the same; I couldn't afford a switch+the game so most of my fe3h experience is through playthroughs, random clips, and fandom posting so my first obsession was the blue lions, then I came across ferdibert and that's where my obsession w/ the ship (and by extension ferdie himself) started. He's always been a multilayered bbg to me <33

[lovings4turn]

hi my lovely angel darling bee congratulations on 1k !! u literally deserve that and more ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶ for your celebration, could i potentially get 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀 𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄 for the marauders plsplspls

im 5’0” an infp, filipino and a hufflepuff if it matters ^_^ i’m super duper into the arts, and i love taking care of my friends by spoiling them w lil gifts :) im a very affectionate and empathetic person, and i pride myself in being a shoulder to cry on for those around me. i love learning new languages, as i currently know 4 (english, french, tagalog, and japanese), and im incredibly passionate for music .

i love you sososo much, thank you for being the best friend a girl could ever ask for 🩷

hi my sweet girl my love my angel thank you 😽😽 !!! giving you all of my love ever actually ?? of course you can pookie <333 i love you just oh so much and am so grateful for you always i swear ,,, i lovelovelove you 😽🫶

𝐢'𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 !

now this was ... such a deliberation BUT ultimately ,, jamie won here <333 i just think you and james would be the absolute perfect pair , there's no doubt about it in my mind !!!

ᡣ𐭩 from the moment james spots you at the hufflepuff table in the great hall , he's convinced that you are the love of his life (and he's correct!!) he introduces himself to you as soon as he gets the opportunity and makes it his mission to win you over and make you his

ᡣ𐭩 james loves your height difference just oh so much . like he's a tall guy , and he uses it to his advantage . he's always resting his chin on your head and playfully pouting when you complain about it , or putting things onto higher shelves so you have to ask him to help you . he does , however , claim that it makes cuddling ten times better , as he can bundle you up and fully envelop you into his arms !!!

ᡣ𐭩 james loves spoiling you with gifts just as much as you !! i've mentioned it to you before ,, but he is so obsessed with just finding little trinkets and keepsakes and giving them to you ,, because 'his pretty girl should have all of the pretty things' !! of course he'll spoil you with bought gifts ,, but he's also obsessed with finding little things like pretty flowers or a cool looking leaf , items he'll present to you with just as much enthusiasm

ᡣ𐭩 in terms of languages , james begs you to teach him how to compliment you in any language you know . sure , he also asks for all the curse words , but he at least waits until after he's nailed the 'i love you's . he's very proud of his restraint there . sometimes it's a little wonky , and not quite right , but the huge grin on his face anytime he says something to you in another language is more than worth it.

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐮𝐬 𝐥𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐧 !

ᡣ𐭩 you and remus definitely bond over music !! though you may have differing tastes here and there ,, remus is so open to listening to your favourite songs and giving you his in return . you two have had many a passionate discussion surrounding music ,, sometimes even going on for hours without even realising how long you've been caught up in your conversation until james starts complaining that remus has stolen his girlfriend away from him .

ᡣ𐭩 remus also appreciates how compassionate and caring you are . any time he feels stressed , or wound up , or like nothing is going his way , he comes to you . remus swears you have a sort of gift when it comes to calming him down ,, no one can help him out like you do and he's eternally grateful that he has you in his life to provide such support !! he has no idea what he'd do without you as his friend , honestly

ᡣ𐭩 you two definitely both team up to tease and poke fun at james , because it's just too hard to resist , really . james can't even get annoyed at you both - you're two of his favourite people , after all

[orionsangel86]

A bit of a moan under the cut...

It's funny to be in this position where I follow a ton of SPN blogs, and a ton of Good Omens blogs, and so I get a lot of interesting hot takes across my dash.

It's fine for people to be critical, but I do find criticism of GO from SPN fans kinda hilarious and hypocritical.

"the writing was like bad fanfiction"

You did actually watch Supernatural yes? Even season 4 had its terrible fanfiction moments *cue trauma memory of Sam Winchester explaining "w*ncest" to his brother and shudder*

"There was no plot at all and it was all pointless."

Hmmm... reminds me of seasons 12, 13, and 14 of SPN

"The relationship reveal at the end was so stupid and clearly a crack ship from tumblr"

Yeah I was also really surprised when Dean and Crowley hooked up in Season 10.

"Neil Gaiman was clearly bullied into making them canon by tumblr, he absolutely hated fans asking if Crowley and Aziraphale were gay and in love back before the first season came out"

And? Why is him changing his mind (if thats what happened) a bad thing? What exactly do you think was happening behind the scenes at Supernatural regarding Destiel?

"Even if Neil Gaiman DID change his mind and decide to make it romantic, its still disingenuous and he's lying to you about what he planned with Terry Pratchett"

Sure. He could be. Funny how sometimes at some point people may see the light regarding their characters and realise that the story works better if they are together - at least Neil Gaiman was able to follow through, unlike Bobo Berens and Andrew Dabb who had their vision shat on by the CW.

Maybe he is exaggerating about what exactly he and Terry plotted out. He's protective of Terry's memory but clearly also painfully aware of how rabid the fans are and has gone a bit overboard in reassuring them. How many lies have you been told by the creators of SPN? How many times have Jackles and Mollins lied to you? Queerbaited you? Mocked you? Have you ever heard of a little thing called growth?

If you are gonna be critical about GO and Neil Gaiman, by all means go ahead. But DO NOT then sit there in the same breath and say SPN was better, that SPN had your back, or sing SPNs praises in any way.

Both shows have good and bad moments. Both sets of creators have lied at times, and tried to do whats best for their fans at times. Both shows are filled to the fucking brim with fanservice - at least GO didn't mock and ridicule its fans by either portraying them all as sad loser men, obsessive stalkers, or teenage girls who are a bit too obsessed with the sappier moments to be taken seriously. The fandom inserts in GO were older, wiser, calmer, and rather badass lesbians actually. I thought that was pretty neat.

I'm not even a huge Neil Gaiman stan, find most of his asks cringe (and often wonder if he picks out the cringier ones specifically to toy with and mock the fandom) and def find some of his explanations surrounding the origins of the GO sequel contradictory and nonsensical. Whilst he is a great fantasy writer, he isn't the best at screenwriting imo. He is also rubbish at comedy and needs support on that always. It is very clear to me that he has absorbed some of the tumblr mentality in his later years, as this is apparant to me in both GO and the Sandman, and yet, as someone who rather loves the tumblr mentality, I'm all for it. I think he is maybe trying a bit TOO hard to appeal to the tumblr specific queer community which can be alienating for wider audiences (i say this as someone who considers herself very much part of the tumblr specific queer community), and I do sometimes wonder if there is something a little bit disengenuous on his side about that, because, well, how much can an older cishet white man ever really understand the overly millennial/Gen Z queer majority AFAB leaning tumblr space? I do think some people have really got to crawl out of Neil Gaiman's ass because he is not your God. He is just a guy.

But I also think a lot of the hate thrown his way is unnecessary. A lot of people's gripes about him seem to be complaints that he is too wrapped up in tumblr culture. Which is an ironic criticism to come from tumblr users. If you hated GOS2 that's totally fine. But if you hated it and then proudly proclaim that "Supernatural did it first" "Supernatural did it better" or just "Supernatural was the best and Good Omens will never be Supernatural". Please, for the love of God, shut the fuck up. Supernatural was heavily influenced BY Good Omens, and the Sandman. Supernatural was so braizen in its stealing ideas from GO and the Sandman that it even stole one of the main characters NAMES.

As a long time SPN fan, any SPN fans ever claiming Neil Gaiman stole ideas from SPN is a fucking embarassment to the rest of the SPN fandom. By all means criticise Gaiman's work to your hearts content, but at least criticise it correctly and leave the hypocrisy at the door.

[flingza-roller]

do u have any tips for like. staying interested in things. sounds like a peculiar enough ask but ur bio says you’ve been into splatoon for 5 yrs and i heavily dislike the cycle i have of being obsessed w smth and then forgetting abt it in a couple months time. so would u have any advice perchance?? sorry for the long ask 🫶

OH MAN okay so splatoon is actually pretty weird in this regard bc my entire life ive had the same deal with cycling thru hyperfixatioms and each one only lasting like a few months, maybe a year at most. but boy i think might as well classify splatoon as a special interest cuz its solidified in my personality GDSJD

okay so, tips! i find it easier to stay interested in something if the people im around are also into it, so ive got a lotta splatoon friends/discord servers n shit (and a partner whos also brainrotting lol). its also good to stay engaged with the community (im pretty much just on tumblr cuz twitter sucks ass), i used to go to in-person meetups n stuff too! being surrounded by passion for that particular interest helps me stay passionate too.

oh and if ur an artist, the biggest thing: having characters ur really attached to (and project onto,,,) helps a lot bc its hard to fall out of an interest when ur in too deep with drawing the blorbos all the time. also making ocs and aus helps a lot with staying involved, making new content means it wont feel stale (im constantly making new stuff in my head for sploon, its what kept me fixated thru the quiet period between 2 and 3)

i actually havent even played splatoon 3 in weeks but im still very much fixated on the franchise bc my head. is so full of squids. hopefully some of this stuff helps and i wish u the best anon!! :]

[flutteringfable]

in which tasu nearly throws hands but decides his best friend is more important

oc x canon content jumpscare

takes place in chapter 2 of danganronpa 2, none of the deaths of that chapter are discussed but there’s still spoilers so just,,,,, proceed w caution if u still wanna read

words: somehow 2041. i haven’t written this much in god knows how long. i think nagito possessed me or something.

fluff, no romantic stuff as this takes place before they confess, anndddd i think that’s it. enjoy 👍

tasu yawned, stretching his arms as he walked to the hotel. the past few days had been… eventful, to put it lightly. he was more emotionally drained than he had ever been before, and it made him physically tired in turn. the only thing keeping him motivated was the thought of seeing his new friends every morning at breakfast (though even that wasn’t entirely guaranteed because of the killing game). still, he persisted, doing his best to remain positive in hopes of encouraging everyone else.

as he reached the top of the stairs and entered the hotel’s restaurant, he waved brightly to everyone present. he found himself scanning the room for akane, then nekomaru, and finally… huh. nagito was missing. tasu quickly dismissed any sudden negative ideas as to why that might be, and took a seat with akane.

“mornin’, suzuki!” she grinned, ruffling his hair. “didja sleep well?”

“mhm,” tasu replied, fixing his hair after playfully shoving her away. “and you?”

“like a rock!” akane chuckled, taking a large bite out of an apple she was holding.

nekomaru patted tasu firmly on the back, sitting on the other side of him.

“good morning!” nekomaru’s voice carried even as he spoke at a normal volume.

tasu felt immediately more at ease as he was surrounded by his favorite people. he cast one more look around, hoping to see nagito. unfortunately, the other was nowhere to be seen, and tasu sighed.

“hm? what’s up, suzuki?” akane asked through a mouthful of food.

tasu picked up a pear from the fruit bowl in the center of the table. “just waiting for komaeda. have you seen him this morning?”

akane shook her head, replying, “nuh-uh. why does it matter? it’s too early to deal with that creep.”

“don’t say that!” tasu huffed. “nidai, what about you?”

“UHHH…. nope! haven’t seen komaeda at all today!” nekomaru chuckled anxiously.

tasu’s heart dropped into his stomach at the obvious lie. maybe he was still paranoid from a few nights ago when byakuya had been killed, because nekomaru would never do something so violent, but he couldn’t help the sense of dread that kept an icy fist around his chest.

“NIDAI!” a sudden shrill voice rang out. “keep your mouth shut, stupid! you’re so bad at lyi— OH GOD.”

“souda, have you seen komaeda?” tasu asked, an unusual coldness in his tone.

kazuichi froze up, glancing around frantically.

“uh— well— what does it matter to you anyway, huh? you got some weird morals as well?!”

tasu narrowed his eyes, finishing his pear and standing up.

“you avoided the question. you know something. tell me.”

kazuichi met tasu’s gaze briefly before breaking and slumping over with defeat.

“alright, fine. when did you get so scary…? since you’re so obsessed with finding out where komaeda is, and nidai has already blown our cover… we tied him up in the old building,” kazuichi replied, shrinking under tasu’s stare.

even akane flinched as tasu yelped out, “you what?!”

nekomaru inched away from tasu as he continued. “why? you know what, actually, don’t answer that. i know why. and you just left him there? alone?”

“monomi is—“

tasu glared at kazuichi.

“so, let me get this straight. you tied up komaeda in the old building, the place where togami died, and just left him there to starve? if you two really think nagito is the monster here, reconsider.”

he pushed in his chair and considered the food spread out on the table before picking up a slice of toast and an orange. he wrapped them in a napkin and turned to leave.

“where’re you going?” akane asked.

tasu sighed, casting another pointed glance towards nekomaru and kazuichi.

“i’m going to take care of komaeda.”

he was met only with silence before he turned and stormed out, taking the stairs that led outside. his footsteps were heavier than usual as he made his way to the old building, almost stomping there.

tasu marched through the door, ignoring monomi’s panicked babbling from outside. as he opened the door to the dining hall, he huffed, finally seeing what kazuichi and nekomaru had done for himself.

“oh, suzuki,” nagito laughed, gazing up at him from the floor. “i wasn’t expecting to see you when i heard such angry-sounding footsteps. what has you so worked up?”

tasu softened, walking over to nagito and studying the chain wrapped around his arms. he set the food on a table before sitting next to him with his legs crossed.

“i can’t believe they did this to you…” he sighed. “poor thing.”

nagito stiffened as tasu pulled him upwards, helping him sit upright.

“suzuki…? what are you—?”

“i’m untying you,” tasu replied. “nidai and souda can suck it up if they get pressed about it, i don’t care.”

the large chain jangled as tasu worked it out of the messy, haphazard knot wrapped around nagito’s arms.

“such a cold remark from you, suzuki,” nagito laughed. “are you really so upset over someone like me being treated the way they deserve…?”

“you don’t deserve this, no one deserves this, — shoot.” tasu’s hand slipped as he pulled at a stubborn part of the knot. he tugged at the oddly wrapped link again, determined to break it either by unraveling the chain from nagito or breaking the chain itself.

nagito paused, looking back at tasu with wide eyes. “you really… want to help me?”

“of course i do,” tasu replied. “sure, what happened the other day was kind of scary and confusing, but definitely not worth tying you up and leaving you to starve.”

nagito turned away, chuckling sheepishly. “… i’m sorry about that, by the way. i don’t know what came over me when i said all that. i had no intent to worry anyone. it’s just… i think the stress of everything is getting to me and clouding my mind a little.”

tasu let out a small ‘yes!’ as he finally worked through the toughest part of the knot.

“that’s fair, i guess. it’s not exactly the most normal of reactions, but honestly it’s not the most wild thing i’ve seen so far,” he replied.

nagito chuckled. “forgive me for being so blunt, but you’re an odd one, suzuki. why is it that you are so endlessly kind to me, even after everyone else started hating me? i knew you were sweet, but to go so far as to take care of me, especially now…”

tasu listened quietly as he studied the chain, trying to decide where to try unraveling next.

“well, for one, you haven’t done anything to harm anyone out of malice. you did it for — how did you put it? — the sake of being a ‘stepping stone for hope’? i’m not sure i quite get it myself, but i don’t think you’re evil at all. you just sort of… have an odd way of approaching things. and like you said, you didn’t mean any of what you said the other night. it might be naive of me, but i trust you.”

nagito hummed, smiling softly. “that’s nice to know, i guess. leave it to someone as endlessly kind as you to be the only remaining person to care about me.”

he shifted a little, sighing.

“apologies for asking so suddenly, but my legs are starting to fall asleep like this…”

“i’m almost done, but if you want you can lean against me while i finish up.” tasu moved back to adjust his own sitting position.

nagito looked back again, an almost shocked look in his eyes. “ah— really? oh, suzuki, i could never— i wouldn’t want to stain such a brilliant ultimate like you with my filth…”

“komaeda, we’ve been over this,” tasu smiled exasperatedly. “you aren’t filthy, you aren’t trash, and you aren’t inferior. you can lean on me, i wouldn’t have offered if i didn’t want you to.”

he watched as nagito pondered for a moment before inching back and leaning gingerly against tasu, straightening his still-bound legs and stretching them out as much as he could.

“see? doesn’t that feel much better?” tasu smiled, reaching back down to untangle the rest of the chain.

after a moment, the rest of the chain finally clattered onto the floor, and nagito stretched his arms with a satisfied groan. he sat still for a moment, enjoying the softness of tasu’s shoulder as he — he was still leaning on tasu. nagito sat up, apologizing profusely.

“oh my goodness, suzuki, i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean—“

“hey, hey,” tasu interjected gently. “it’s okay. i told you i don’t mind.”

the look on nagito’s face was one that tasu could only describe as awe.

“suzuki, i’m truly far too lucky to be friends with someone as sweet as you… i should be careful these next few days. since i had the fortune of meeting you, that might mean something terrible is going to happen to me soon, ahaha!”

tasu scooted around to sit in front of nagito. he looked at the rope binding nagito’s legs and sighed. the same plentiful, hurried knots were tied in random places. tasu should really be thankful, he thought briefly, but just because nekomaru and kazuichi weren’t the ultimate knot-tyers didn’t mean his job was any easier.

“i would ask what they did to you before they brought you here, but maybe it’s best that i don’t. i won’t commit a murder or anything, but if they hurt you i’d have to beat them up for it.”

nagito snorted. “suzuki, my goodness. and i was just praising you for being so sweet…”

tasu glanced up at the other as he pulled apart the knots around nagito’s legs. “what? they need to know that someone will defend you if they try anything again.”

“you…” nagito blinked, stunned. “you would? really? i’ve… never had someone offer to do something like that before. thank you, suzuki.”

tasu beamed, turning back to the rope. “you’re welcome, komaeda.”

after a moment or two, the rope was almost completely untied. tasu sighed, happy to almost be done.

“oh! before i forget,” he rose up onto his knees to get the food down from the table. “here.”

nagito unwrapped the toast and orange, smiling softly.

“suzuki, you really didn’t have to…” he chuckled. “i could have gotten something from the restaurant once you got done untying me.”

“well, i figured i would bring some food for you since nidai and souda just decided to leave you here with nothing.” tasu’s tone was briefly cold again before he added, “i remembered you don’t like sweet things, so i just kind of guessed. hope what i got is okay with you.”

he looked up from the rope again to see nagito tearing up and shaking a little.

“oh, suzuki…” he mumbled, sniffling a little. “this is so embarrassing, please forgive me, but… you’ve brought me so much hope today, i don’t know how i could ever begin to repay you.”

tasu worked out the last knot and set the rope off to the side. he moved back again, sitting beside nagito.

“you don’t have to repay me, silly. i just want to keep you safe. it would totally suck if i just let someone mistreat my favorite person here.”

nagito gasped, looking over at tasu with wide eyes. “i’m… your favorite?! surely i misheard or misunderstood, or somethi—“

tasu pulled him into a gentle hug.

“you’re my favorite person, komaeda.”

he panicked slightly as nagito whimpered, wiping away his tears.

“oh— i— i didn’t mean to make you upset— i didn’t know—“

“suzuki, i can’t believe i’m your favorite. i’ve never been anyone’s favorite. i… i don’t know what to say… um— thank you. i guess.”

tasu softened, patting nagito’s shoulder.

“you’re welcome.”

[empathetic]

Feeling manic thx to the lack of sleep I’ve gotten from traveling for over 24 hours + not taking my meds on time but at least I thought of some good art ideas and felt some emotions I haven’t experienced either in a while or at all until now. Today I started reading and am already half way through homesick for another world and I like it so far although her obsession with shit is .. interesting and notable now like I get why people point that out. I had an idea to take a video of myself bathing because I don’t have a shower curtain in the room in staying in at my uncles house and as a result I could only run the water from the faucet and not the shower head and I felt like I was giving myself a baptism and just wanted to see what that was like from an outsiders pov.

I need to express my emotions surrounding my grief, anxiety, depression, guilt, regret, detachment, and other feelings / emotional responses surrounding illness and death of a loved one that I am fully experiencing for the first time as an adult with someone I am particularly connected to. My grandma used to live with me for a year or so and my mom drove her away w her undiagnosed mental illness lol. So I’ve felt ashamed on her behalf and did not want to attach myself too much to either of them due to this. I regret this a lot obviously because I haven’t spoken to her much since and her health has deteriorated a lot and now she can’t do most things and can barely speak. The look in her eyes and the most innocent smile that developed on her face when she noticed I was finally there (after a week or so of asking for me and deliriously believing that I was getting married) made me sob a lot so far and I’ve only been here for less than a day. Even though we didn’t speak as much and won’t be able to anymore, we have this deep love for one another. Every time I speak to her we cry together. She is one of my favorite relatives and people in this world and has a heart of gold and laddoos. I love her so much and it pains me to see her struggling to do basic functions. I wish going to india wasn’t so fucking painful emotionally, I wish I could experience more positive feelings surrounding my heritage and culture and family.

[latesummer2013]

I still remember how he stood beside me on the first day of senior year. We were taking a group photo in front of the stairs of the school building. I never had a word with him but he greeted me and offered to stand next to me. It was late summer and the weather was still warm. Then, by the end of the school year, we went to shoot the graduation photo. I wanted to find a reason to talk to him and maybe stand next to him, but he was talking with some of his friends and he seemed happy. So I gave up.

Rigel was one of my classmates in my new senior year class. I only noticed him briefly in my sophomore year when we were having a Geography class. He was tall, thin, well-built with broad and strong shoulders and had sun-burnt skin with a little goatee on his chin, which made him look more mature than he already did. He had these blunt bangs that fell on his forehead but were a little messy on the top of his head. Later I would notice how after a fresh cut, he looked just like my father when he was young. They both had this bright smile on their face, like there was nothing in the world that could trouble them. But at the same time he had this look like he’d been through a lot and that he had some painful memories underneath. I never saw this kind of look on anyone before, certainly not on someone his age. He smirked sometimes, like he was cool and funny, but when he was not, he looked like the kind of person who was righteous and fearless and was determined to protect the people that he loved. He had white, delicate fingers where he kept the nails nice and short, which probably helped since he loved playing mobile games whenever he had time.

Not long after the senior year started, the two of us met one morning on the bus to school. One stop before school, he came to me and asked me if I wanted to get off early and walk to school. The traffic was really bad, he told me, and it would save us from getting to school late. I knew the result of being late for school - Mr. W would scold us and ask us to stand in a line beside the stairs of their office. He was really aggressive towards the students and can be radical or even violent sometimes. I remember he tore my exercise book to pieces in front of the whole class only because I was new and couldn't keep up with the pace. He shouted at me for not finishing the homework on time, then threw the pieces at my face. It was the worst that a teacher can be, I thought.

So I agreed and we got off the bus at the sports park. Rigel told me we should walk across the sports park to school because according to him, "it has a shorter distance". It never occurred to me that anyone would choose this route to school. But he did.

It was a cold morning with a little rain, and we walked through the roads and bridges surrounded by water, grass and flowers. Mornings were always stressful to me, but walking this way made my heart feel a little bit lighter. I didn’t remember exactly what he talked to me about, but he seemed like a kind and friendly person to me. Which doesn't happen a lot, to me at least.

He was the kind of person who got along with everybody. He and a few guy friends were always talking about, well, boy's stuff. He also knew what to talk to girls about: bands, TV shows... Seemed like there was nothing that he didn’t know.

I always felt like I wasn't really welcome in high school. The truth was at least some guys didn't take me seriously. I didn't really know how to talk to them at first, then they would tease me like I was a clown. And there was one girl that was friendly with me. She watched Sherlock and was obsessed with it. We talked a lot about school and TVs and music, but it didn't take too long before she stopped talking to me, maybe because she thought I was weird or something. I didn't really feel respected as a person in my freshman and sophomore year.

Then pop culture became one of my biggest inspirations in high school, before I even realized. I didn't really watch much, if any movies or TV series, but I did become seriously obsessed with Lady Gaga: her music, her videos and her equality speech. I treated Born This Way like it was a holy record or something. I would really listen to the songs over and over again just to hear the lyrics and what she was saying or implying.

Over the summer before my senior year, I became really excited for her new album cycle which was named “Artpop”. An album cycle probably translates better to football fans as something like a World Cup, but basically it meant that she was going to tease and release a few songs, and she was going to promote the shit out of them by releasing big budget videos and going on stage to shock everyone with her live performance. Different from an actual football match, an album cycle is a game played between the artist, the radio station and the fans, and as a fan, I spent a lot of my days playing the video of “Applause” on YouTube over and over. I could feel my blood pumping through my body, feeling excited everyday for any news about the new album.

That summer made me feel like I was part of a group that I belonged to and it wasn’t something that I had felt in a long time. I knew I was going to a brand new class, and would meet brand new people, and I just didn’t want to continue the tragedy that was my first two years. Being in the pop world basically made me feel cool again and I had an identity that could get me to communicate with at least some people (well, gay people). I also hated how I looked and behaved. I wanted to have a makeover. But I had no idea how to do my hair or make myself look cooler so I just used the warmth of my hand to pull back my bangs so that in my head it kind of looked like Adam Lambert. I tried hard to fall asleep early everyday and get as much sleep as possible during summer as I hoped this would help me be less nervous and shy during school days. I hoped I could be just as cool and free in school as I was in the pop world.

Then, school happened. The geography teacher was finally nicer to me. The English class was working out great for me - at least for the first month of school where I had a clear mind. I memorized everything said in class even when I didn’t review them after class. And, Rigel was super nice to me for some reason - I took the same bus every day after school, then right before I got off, he would walk towards me and say goodbye to me. He was with his girlfriend then and they took the bus every day after school.

Then there was the PE class, where I just wandered around the playground alone as soon as the activity time started, as if I was exploring Mars or something. (Except there was nothing to explore.) Boys were always playing basketball together, and I always felt awkward because I couldn’t play basketball, like, at all. Ever since junior high in basketball class I was always ashamed of myself and everyone else was ashamed of me, like I was a total failure of a man or something, which made me feel useless and I always hated every second of it. If there was some way to avoid basketball classes, I would absolutely do it.

Sometimes I would see Rigel too at PE class. He was alone as well, at the parallel bars. I always thought all boys were supposed to be able to play basketball and that I was the only one who couldn’t. But I guess it’s not the truth.

Then one day at PE class, he walked towards me, said hello to me in a friendly manner and basically told his life story to me. It really felt like a heart to heart moment and he shared some personal stuff with me. But he did it in such a casual way that it didn’t feel weird at all. He told me he didn’t fit in at school and didn’t have a lot of friends. He also told me he used to play football in primary school but was constantly bullied by senior kids. It was an awful experience for him. He didn’t play basketball. He was given a warning by the school for fighting with other students. I was mind blown by what he said, mainly because he had such a clear idea about who he was and what he went through. I never knew who I was or what I went through, or how other people saw me. But he didn’t hesitate, or have any doubts or regrets about himself, which was rare and special to me. It was almost like, at that moment, he became my biggest inspiration to finally look back on my life and myself, and think about what I should say about myself if anyone asked me about me. I really hoped that I could be that certain and unapologetic about myself.

And of course, I was moved by how nice he was to me that day. Nobody ever told me who they were with no filter. But he wanted me to know him, the good and the bad. And so I listened and tried to remember what he said. It was probably the most wonderful experience I ever had in a PE class, where nobody hated me or tried to isolate me but just wanted to be friends with me. Maybe this wasn’t a huge deal to him; maybe this was what he did to people, but it meant a huge deal to me. Nobody ever gave me that much attention and respect.

Then he asked me what I did during activity time; I told him the PE teacher asked me to run around the playground 3 times each week or something in my free time, because I was overweight and had nothing better to do. He told me that he loved running because the chemical that came with it made him feel good.

So I went and ran with him around the playground. He didn’t run at his full speed; instead he ran at a moderate speed, as if he didn’t want me to feel too much pressure keeping up with him. I tried to look for the feeling of the chemical kicking in but it didn’t really happen. But it was nice to spend that class together with him.

Another day when we were taught how to play in a basketball contest, I was totally confused about what I was supposed to do, and I froze when the ball came at me. Some guy was angry at me for my inability to play basketball and shouted at me, “do you know how to play or not?” I felt embarrassed and nervous, but to my surprise Rigel defended me by asking that guy to stop saying this about me. He even came to me later, patted me and encouraged me to not be nervous and play the ball as if I was just practicing on my own. I didn’t know what I did to deserve this, or him, but I felt that maybe he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

To me, he was someone smart, kind, caring and full of energy, and overall a very good person. The last person that was similar was probably my older cousin, who acted in a caring way towards me during his stay at my home over the summer. After he left I cried and felt super lonely, as if my life had lost its meaning without him. I really struggled with being alone (still do). At school friends always came and left but I had a feeling that he would not do the same to me: he would not stop talking to me one day because of some little thing I did that bothered him, unlike those other kids who were so immature and sensitive about everything. He probably felt like a bigger brother to me, or like a sun in the sky with unlimited energy and light to give out.

I didn’t fully understand what he meant by he didn’t fit in then. It sounded like an exaggeration because he was funny. He had fun playing around with guys. He made an attempt to befriend people and eventually had chemistry with almost everybody. But I guess it was how he felt: he was way too independent, and might feel distant or weird to other people. But it wasn’t how I felt, apparently. He was someone that I looked up to and I enjoyed the attention he gave to me.

I guess I didn’t want to get too close to him for the first few months of school. Sometimes we would skip PE classes together, and he would want to have lunch with me early, but I didn’t want to go because I maybe was surprised he didn’t care about the rules at all, and feared it might be too early or I might get hungry in the afternoon. I knew that in the morning he usually arrived 10 minutes earlier than me at the bus stop, but I never wanted to catch up with him. Maybe because I was too nervous to meet him.

We would talk briefly about phones in the early spring, after the winter holiday was over. He was a big time Android nerd and had bought multiple Android devices. He clearly knew a lot about these phones, at least better than I did. I was (and still is) a big time Google follower and had a lot of hope in Web 2.0 and I used basically every free Google services back then. But I didn’t really have money to buy a usable Android phone, more usable than the one my parents bought me. I basically only used my phone to read my feed on Flipboard and Renren and listen to downloaded music back then. I added him on QQ and he shared with me where he bought the phones from. He said that he had good relationship with the owner of the shop and if I wanted to buy anything from that person, I could just say his name.

He would go to me and chat with me during class breaks and over time it made me wonder: do we really have more similarities than I thought we had? Before then, it always seemed like he and I couldn’t be more different. One day I would think about this during class; I looked at him and I wondered if we were both outcasts that were rejected by the majority, at least in his mind. I wondered if we were meant to be close with each other.

So at sometime that spring, we began going to and back from school together. When traffic was bad, we would get off early and walk across the park to school. He would greet me with a simple “Shuai”. People would give me nicknames earlier as well, such as “Chun Chun”. I could not tell if it was a compliment or a poke fun at me. But in my mind it made me seem closer to him. Being close to someone like him made me feel a little bit safer at school, which was a feeling I hadn’t had in a long time. By then school always made me feel helpless and insecure, but I knew I could turn to him if I needed help or company.

Sometimes I would wonder where his girlfriend was, because they used to get off school and take the bus together. But I figured it was none of my business, so I didn’t ask. I did know that they had an on-again, off-again relationship, and I guessed it could make him miserable sometimes.

What I couldn’t figure out was what he would look like in a fight. He was always caring and polite around people, and frankly I never saw him being angry or pissed off with anyone. He got picked on a lot in class, but he never argued with teachers or was anything less than kind and polite with them. What kind of people would anger him so much that he decided to throw a punch? I had this image in my mind that when he was nearing the end of the race in the school sports event, his hair was blown back by the wind and he had an aggressive look on his face. So I guessed this was how he would look when he had an argument with someone.

He would get picked on a lot by teachers, because they weren’t satisfied with his academic performance. He never argued with them or raised his voice when speaking to them, even when sometimes they were aggressive towards him. I remember one time the class teacher pulled him out to the corridor and just kept shouting at him “Don’t bargain with me!”; the whole class could hear her. Then he was taken to Mr. W, who was in charge of all the classes in our year. I remember going downstairs and walking past the office, just to take a peek at what was happening. I actually hated the class teacher for ignoring him in the first semester, and then making a scene in class and threatening to take him to Mr. W, potentially adding more warnings or even kicking him out. (I would get upset with her or just ignore her whenever she talked to me in the next few weeks, something I never did before.) I also felt bad that he had to go through this alone. I guess he would feel fearful or worried, but I never saw these emotions on his face. Anyway, I couldn’t find a single reason why he should be treated like this.

To be frank, I was also a little pissed that no one wanted to do anything to help him. They just stood in the corridor and watched him from afar. But I didn’t do anything either, not anything that actually helped him at least. I didn’t check on him after this. I didn’t tell him anything.

In one version of my memory, we had this relationship that was true and special and inspiring and groundbreaking and we would help each other out when either one needed it. It was partly true, because he was the most caring person ever to me, and I really wanted him to make progress academically - I tried to encourage him that he could totally do it if he wanted to, through some really corny text messages. I would also casually talk with him about the solutions to certain problems after an exam, hoping that he would remember what I said. In my mind, I felt like I would be the one for him when everyone around him was gone. The reality was probably he never would need my help and everyone would never be gone.

The truth was I always felt nervous around him, and I always had this insecurity about our relationship. I feared that he would feel uncomfortable if I showed too much care around him. I would question myself everyday if he already hated me. I also hesitated to ask him for help, either because I found it awkward or I feared he might not care that much after all. So, yeah, looking back at this, it was never natural or easy. I had this memory that one morning on the bus I wanted to share some candy with him because I thought this was what normal people do; he was sitting in front of me. I tried for a few minutes but I couldn’t do it - calling his name, offering to share the candy, it was all too hard for me.

I didn’t say anything personal to him or really open up to him. Yeah I talked about my family and the tragedies that happened before I was finally born, which didn’t really feel hard to talk about. He would show caring to me immediately, something I wasn’t so sure I could do. But I didn’t even talk about politics and my view on it. I don’t think I ever talked about politics with anyone in high school. And of course I didn’t open up about my feelings for him - I was sure he would feel disgusted with me and would never talk to me again if I did talk about my feelings. And my feelings were basically that I liked to spend time with him (or at least I thought so) and chat with him and I was willing to do anything for him. I don’t really know if I just liked the idea of being close with someone, or really spending time with him made me happy.

I would question myself constantly if we had a relationship that was close and special. I couldn’t find things to prove it. Also sometimes he would talk about his physical pain, like he puked one day after running on the playground. I should’ve said something to comfort him, and I wanted to so hard, but I just couldn’t think of anything. Then I would question if I really cared about him, or if this was just a big lie that I told myself.

Something he said did make me feel pain for some time. He decided in spring that he would go to a police academy after high school; and after that he would join the army and he wanted to go to the front line. The word “front line” made me feel worried because it sounded like he was going to war zone or something, and I think it broke my heart a little because I didn’t want anything bad to happen to him. I wondered if this was where guys like him belonged - they would do things that satisfied them even if it meant it would put them in danger and hurt them physically. (Luckily he didn’t go through with this.)

Then like every high school student in this country, our high school year ended with the big exam - the College Entrance Examination. I didn’t get all the stress and drama surrounding the exam - I learned everything that I was able to, and I didn’t think I would be able to learn the rest of the stuff that I couldn’t before. It wasn’t like anyone in the school really gave a shit about us or gave us any resources that we could use, so why bother. I did worry how I was going to manage college though, it just sounded like a totally strange zone for me. In high school, I thought I was so broken inside and tired enough that I didn’t want to socialize with anyone other than Rigel, so who was I going to be friends with in college? Rigel once told me about his plans for college: he wanted “no new friends” beyond high school (Drake had a song with the same name, I later found out) and he was going to rent a room outside his college dormitory, because according to him, he couldn’t stand to live with all the other guys in that small a room. It sounded bold to me, I didn’t even know if I should listen to my parents’ bullshit about “learning to adapt to” whatever I was given and learn to socialize with my roommates or just go for whatever was ideal for me. It also sounded like he wanted to emphasize how important his high school friends were to him, though now I am pretty sure he wouldn’t abide by that moral of his - people grow apart and they move on, it happens more often than I could imagine. It would be naive to believe relationships last for a long time.

We cleaned the classroom together on the last school day before we went home and prepared for the big exam. He waited for me at the bus stop. It was all so easy for him, he even said “meet me at the old place” loudly in front of the class teacher, like it was nothing. I remembered one day when only he and I and this girl were in the classroom. She joked that she always felt like we were in love with each other. And I felt so awkward that I had to leave the classroom for a few seconds - I wanted to scream. But he wasn’t nervous or uneasy with this. He still walked me to the bus stop that day.

Back to the last school day - he and I talked a bit at the stop. I thought of something that could be important to remember before the exam and I just talked to him about this. And then we got on the bus and I continued maybe for the next 30 minutes or so. Then he told me something about Geography. Well. I guess he should know I really cared about him after this.

Or maybe not. Good friends always tell each other about problems and solutions and key points of knowledge. It was not as uncommon as I thought. It was not special. Maybe I thought it was special but it’s not. I could have done more, and I wanted to so badly, but I didn’t.

And I don’t know if there was anything else that I needed to write about him. Yeah he said some homophobic stuff on the first day of the exam. Not surprising. Then he asked me to work with him in the summer, but it didn’t work out eventually.

What I did remember was how absolutely empty and lonely I felt in the summer. But what’s there to talk about? Everyone was having fun or at least I thought so. And I just was so alone and I didn’t know anyone or anything that could cure me of it.

And then I would know that pain and loneliness would last for years, into the university years. I didn’t see him ever again, really. Maybe I was not that important to him, after all.

I saw his photo days ago - the graduation photo. It has been years since I last saw it. It’s an old photo now, technically. He looked so funny in it. It was a familiar face, but also so strange. For some reason, I got really emotional after seeing it. Writing this actually made me feel angry sometimes. I couldn’t accept the fact that someone was that nice and kind to me and they are not close to me anymore or even care about me anymore. And my life is really miserable and painful right now. But I guess I’ll talk to him more, be bolder and try to find a connection somehow. Anyway I guess this is a really depressing story.

[gatheringbones]

hello! feel free to not answer this but I cannot stop thinking about what you said about "extruded fantasy product" especially w/r/t The Priory of the Orange Tree--which has always been marketed to me as being good because it is a wlw book but in reality has shallow characterization and a tedious plot that has to be forced into action for 800 (!) pages, instead of a self propelling and inevitable plot that is satisfying and has a lot of commentary. This is just my personal taste, of course. I am thinking about it as someone who writes fantasy but is also really dissatisfied with the current fantasy publishing landscape. it has made me think a lot about why I am so dissatisfied. I also loved what you said about kurt vonnegurt and octavia butler--it reminded me of how James Baldwin described a story vs a plot. I was wondering if I could ask what else you look for in fantasy you read and write? and how you separate that out from extruded fantasy product? again feel free not to answer, I just thought I'd ask. thank you!!! :)

I say extruded fantasy product because that’s really what it was for me in the earliest stages of drafting when I was pushing myself out of years of writing damage and internalized homophobia.

I knew beforehand that I would be confronting my internalized homophobia throughout the drafting process so I knew to keep tabs on where and when it showed up (and at times deliberately coaching myself in text on why it was there and what feelings came up when it did). I had this idea in my head of a queer book that straight people wouldn’t mind reading too. I had cut my eye teeth on fantasy; I knew the genre backwards and forwards and knew that I could cobble together something that contained just enough magical bullshit to keep the plot moving and the characters in the same proximity for long enough for feelings to develop. I wanted very badly for my work to deserve to exist on its own grounds as a perfectly acceptable fantasy book that just happened to be gay.

the only problem was that c brought me home the persistent desire after spotting it on her lunch break, and a package I’d ordered soon arrived containing Ivan coyote and rae spoon’s Gender Failure as well as Rosemary Curb’s book on lesbian nuns.

you can actually see the effect these books had on the mycelium of the story, and for all the books that followed. it matched the shockwave that went through my work when the pandemic hit and I decided to switch to writing by hand and filled four notebooks, reading and listening to as much as I could on somatic trauma work and the importance of rooting meaningful work in physical sensation, which had its own effect on what the story was turning into.

my notes to myself coaching my feelings surrounding my internalized homophobia began to get more specifically helpful and applicable. I suddenly had language for why whole stretches of the plot seemed like they were locked in ice, where my dissociative brain just stopped providing imagery that felt unsafe. I also had cinematic and poetic imagery for lesbian bodies doing lesbian things in a lesbian way, which had been more or less a black hole before I started deliberately reading lesbian work. I was beginning to understand what made lesbian writing different from straight writing and why the pieces I loved were so powerful. My excitement over this entire process made me feel like my writing had permission to exist. I knew it did because I actually had an idea of what already existed and exactly how my writing fits in the conversation that was going on between those works. Suddenly I could only read things that touched off those same feelings of excitement.

My ingredients transformed and diversified. I had a bead on powerful landmarks that meant more to me than years and years of extruded contextless wealth and inheritance obsessed fantasy product. Kurt Vonnegut’s lectures on the shape of stories. Octavia Butler’s notebooks. Joan Nestle’s woman poppa. Judy Grahn’s poem about Carol and her crescent wrench. Merlin Sheldrake being buried in wood chips. Assotto Saint’s family tasting salt.

That got away from me but I hope it answers at least one aspect of the question!