#by a literal god/hobo apostate and find out later HE IS THE DALISH BOOGEYMAN. I-

[fenharel-babe]

I find it so sad that during the break up scene, he really just pours his heart out to Lavellan. He says how she’s beautiful, unique, and I know he doesn’t say it, but she’s able to literally make him almost forget his plans, make him feel like a normal man. And I still love that even if Lavellan keeps the vallaslin, Solas doesn’t show hate or be rude about it! Lavellan is hesitant to tell him no because she doesn’t want to upset him or hurt his feelings, so she goes about it slow.

“I know you told me this because you wanted to help, but the vallaslin is part of who I am. I hope you can see past—”.

“Stop. You are perfect exactly as you are.”

He accepts it, doesn’t pressure her, and reassures her that he still sees her and not the marks. He just sees her.

But when the marks are taken off, he looks happy (or relieved maybe?) and tells her how she is free. She’s always technically been free, but now he thinks she is truly free from something cruel. He remembers what he told the other elves, the elves he tried to save.

And I think about that one theory that when he looks at her with such love and remembers what he wanted to tell her, he snaps out of it. He loves her and he told her. Truly told her in words and not just actions. He spoke his own truth and realized that it was too much. He loves her too much, and he could see that she loves him, too. I think Lavellan literally saying, “I love you,” hurts him even worse because now he definitely knows she feels the same.

They both feel love and it’s strong, but still. He pulls away because her face, her entire being, and his entire reason for bringing her there makes him remember that he can’t do it. He can’t love her and drag her into another big mistake. He wanted to tell the truth to her, but my heart always likes the sad idea of him being afraid of being so close to her and having her truly hate him. Hate him for what he is, so he hid. He had another truth to tell her if he got scared, so he chose that path instead.

And he chose to leave her, even if it would break both of them.

And don’t think he doesn’t know what will happen when he goes back to Skyhold. You think he doesn’t know about her relationship with the others? How protective Dorian is of her, how Varric takes in little details about her and cares about her more than he lets on, Bull trusting her even if she is a mage and abandoning the Qun partly because of her, Cole being happier around her and wanting to help both of them but ultimately choosing her, Vivienne looking down on him even more and telling Lavellan that she deserves better and actually letting her walls down to comfort her dear friend, Cassandra’s disgusted grunts he thought only Varric would receive on occasion, he senses Sera’s pranks or even catches her doing some of them and they’re not just pranks, no, they’re definitely some dangerous ones to cause harm, and Blackwall no longer speaking to him as a friend or acting as if they could’ve gotten along he just gives him dirty glances and refuses to speak to him unless he has to.

He knows this, and I always imagine a part of him is a little happy knowing that she has people by her side, people (other than soldiers and workers) caring for her well being and doing everything to make her happy. Not just for the inquisition, but for HER. He knows it will happen, and I think that also adds to his guilt and pain even more. He may not have been close to all of them, but he held certain respect to them (maybe except Vivienne or Sera) and actually did care about their well being, but now the relationship is broken and damaged because of how much he loves Lavellan and how much she loves him, and how stupid he is.

And Solas may be good at hiding the truth and such, but when he breaks up from Lavellan and the emotional choice is chosen, he backs away from her and avoids her hands even if she reaches out for him, and literally turns around and walks away so…brokenly. His face is just completely showing his sadness and how he regrets his decision but has to do it. He can’t even keep the mask up anymore, and it falls and he kinda looks like he’s about to fall to his knees from emotion.

Is it to beg for forgiveness from her? Maybe. Is it falling to his knees to cry out his pain and regret at what he has broken? Most definitely. If he let it happen anyway.

It’s just SO MUCH PAIN.

My thoughts are in a rush and not making too much sense, but each time I see the break up scene and see Solas kiss her and grab her butt and then break up with her even if she begs him not to leave and how he BROKENLY WALKS AWAY makes me so sad. I just think about it a lot.

But how y’all doing? Hope you’re doing great.