#c0r3yappin

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I hate hot weather

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

Drinking instead of cvtting, will it help the same?? Or will I have to go back to cvtting? Let’s find out!!

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I thought I could trust you so I opened up and asked you for help

And in that moment you made me feel unsafe

I still think about how you made me feel..

You’re just like everyone else who’s brought harm to me.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget..

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I’m sick why can’t you let me rest!?

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I hate when I say I’m not really in the mood to do something and I say we can do it another day. Then they pull out the “it’s fine I’ll go by myself another day” way to guilt trip me-.. I didn’t know it was that serious.

I’m wearing heels and I don’t want to walk around that much, we already did a lot of walking. I thought you cared!?!

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I hate having a period. Makes me more unstable than I already am

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

Having schizophrenia and bpd is the most painful thing ever, I’m trying so hard yet they will never understand

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I love when I forget to take my meds and end up freaking out while on a date! That will surely make them want to stick around!! They totally won’t ghost me after that embarrassing freak out!!!

I scare everyone away.. I always self sabotage..

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

He didn’t force me. He just took me to a hotel when I overdosed and kept asking and crying until I gave in. But no ofc he didn’t force me

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I miss having an fp…

Long ass vent below

I told you I’m crazy, I told you I had bpd, I told you I’ll explode, I told you I have schizophrenia, I told you I get delusional, I told you I need you, I told told you not to let me get attached if you can’t handle it, I told you I can be harsh, I told you I’m obsessive, I told you I get jealous, I told you I’m still coping from my last relationship, I told you we’re gonna take it slowly, I told you I love you, I told you I’m scared, I told you my fears, I told you what you were getting into, I told you everything. I told you.

I made sure you knew everything before I got attached. I made sure you knew exactly what you were getting into and you promised not to leave. You promised you were different and you’ll be the one to actually try and actually take care of me. I believed you. I got attached. Painfully attached and it was scary. I even tried to lose feelings and attach to someone else because I was so afraid of you leaving and thought you would. I thought I needed to get myself out. But every time I spoke to someone else with intentions of getting closer I felt guilty because I actually loved you. You lead me on and now precede to play it off like it’s not that big of a deal and you’re “sorry” and you “feel bad”.

I get it. Supporting people can take a lot out of someone, I get you had your own issues. But never communicating them to me and trying to work with me on these issues and asking me for support and reassurance does not make it okay to put the blame onto me for not knowing. I can’t know if you don’t communicate. I asked over and over to make sure you were comfortable and okay and that everything was fine and that you can handle it. I asked it almost daily. I wanted to make sure I worked with you so I can finally have something healthy around me since you seemed so willing to sit through this with me. But I was wrong. So wrong.

And maybe it’s my fault for trusting you so soon, for trusting and falling for someone while still coping with what my ex did to me. But that doesn’t mean you can just take me in my vulnerable state and destroy my mental health even further. If you couldn’t handle what I told you then you really should have left the moment I said it. Not try to handle it then tell me you can’t. I tried to support you too, I tried to help and comfort you and make sure you felt safe but you lied to me every time I asked about your feelings and are now running away from something you caused. You got into this little thing we had together, knowing what you were in for, knowing you had to take care of me, everything was stated at the start, and you did amazing, best fp, best friend I’ve ever had. And the moment you actually have to be there for me when it gets more serious is when you say you had enough and run away and leave? Cause me to fucking spiral into an episode and now you don’t care?? Now you never loved me and never cared and never wanted anything with me? Now you admit to lying? Now you admit to just doing whatever I wanted not because you wanted to or cared but just so I kept quiet? Crazy. And I’m supposed to be the one who’s all mentally unstable but at least I wasn’t stringing you along and playing games with your feelings. I did nothing but try to love you despite what I’m going through. I did nothing but try to help you. While I’m aware I could have shown more appreciation and communicated better, I told you it’s hard and I told you I’m working on it. But you never told me what’s wrong and never asked for reassurance. How is it my fault!?

Instead of taking responsibility for what you fucking did, you instead create some dumbass excuse and run away, blaming me for all of it. And you claim to still care about me- fuck you. If you ever cared this wouldn’t have happened. You wouldn’t have lied or blamed me or played with me. Idc if you had your own issues, so did I. And I never once lied to you. Idc if you were afraid to get into a relationship or whatever, it would have been awhile before we took it that far anyways. Idc about your lame excuses now, you never communicated and wanted to work with me. Why should I care now? Why would I want to be friends with someone who did something like this to me?

Worst part about all of this. If you come back and apologize for all of it and say you want to work through it and genuinely mean it. I’ll forgive you and give you another chance. Forget that you drove me into some wild episode where I couldn’t tell the difference between real and fake, I’d still think you could change and make up for it. When everyone else told me to let go and block you.

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

Not TikTok low key shadow banning me- wtf I just wanted to have fun and make content but they won’t even show my shit to other people anymore cuz some bitch probably reported me >:/

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I hope you’re okay..

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I wish I never let that monster touch me

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I’m losing my shit right now!!! :D

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I hateeeee being forced to work in a group

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

I hate eyeliner!!! It’s either one eye looks amazing and the other looks like shit or they both look like shit!!!