uhoh empire sib meta time.
Courtesy of that last rb by @iinfernal thinking very hard (very affectionately) about love in the form of, we are going to work to keep each other on track. Especially with Caleb and Beau. Because like. its not just about newfound acceptance, people who will give you the benefit of the doubt and help you improve, people who see your worst and love you anyway, people who will forgive you.
Like its about that! But its also about- i trust you to drag me back if i stray. i trust you to call me out, to push back. i am putting my back to you- you will protect it, and you will also pull me back if i wander.
The first big backstory reveal between Beau and Caleb was an exchange, not a kindness. it was, tell me why you are afraid of fire, and ill get you into the library. Caleb laid out some of the corners of his guilty conscience, to Nott, with all of her faith in him, (he is my boy), to Beau, with her skepticism and brusque curiosity, and it was not meant as a soft gesture. It was not a call for forgiveness, or absolution- it was an item for barter, a warning, an admission of guilt.
and Beau- still unsure, still rough around the edges and rude and defensive and angry, shell-shocked and out of her depth did not provide forgiveness, or kindness. She said something along the lines of- good god, you know thats fucked up, right? i didnt ask for this, what the fuck.
She said something like: you know what you need to do now, then, right? prevent this guy from hurting more people. This is what you've gotta do now, I think- this is what we'll do-
And Caleb gets into the library, and casts haste on Beau in a bar fight, and there is something to be said about love shaped like a willingness to disagree, to push back, to say things wrong but try to say it anyway.
Caleb, and Beau, arguing. Beau is suspicious and Caleb is ready to run, and "the problem with friends is you have to care about them". Running into old injuries and boundaries, working to learn them, to fight to communicate. Apologies that are awkward but sincere. Kindness that is misshappen but intentional.
Caleb and Beau, butting heads, poking fun, trusting the other person to be suspicious of them, when it really counts.
"Can we keep each other straight?"
Some fifty episodes apart: have faith in us, just a little bit? dont run.
follow your own advice. don't go.
Caleb, vision and hearing gone and flung out ahead, placing a hand on Beau's shoulder. Lead me well, lead me straight, bring me back if I stray. Caleb and Beau, going in circles about what to do as the world ends, ambition and magic and time and guilt, and entities at war. Worried about evil, about going wrong, needing the clear vision of someone who loves you and will not eternally forgive you.
"I'm worried I am exactly what he said I was."
"Not yet."
God just. Love as keeping each other on track. Beau and Caleb, as the only ones to get the eyes, afflicted by searching too hard for knowledge. what a horror, to have you and your tether tossed into an unknown spiral. what a comfort- if it was any of them, at least it was both. The Mighty Nein, making contingency plans, Yasha sticking close to caleb and cooing over his animal forms and ready, ready, for the worst. What a nightmare. Thank god. "Im glad it was us."
"You drove me insane."
"I hated you. You sucked."
What love. What immense care. Years on in, and it all still comes back to:
"You got my back?"
"What's the play, Beauregard?"
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Day 3: Cuddles
Tickletober 2023 - Critical Role - Mighty Nein C2 - lee!Caleb
[see my other tickletober 2023 fics]
A/N: starts in reference to [C2E122] when Caleb polymorphs into a golden retriever and gets scritches and belly rubs from Veth and Yasha ❤️ see also reference to the talks machina when Liam was asked how Caleb felt about polymorphing into a creature with low intelligence for the first time and he said (paraphrasing) He loved it. He is so smart and smart people are unhappy, and so with an 8 intelligence for the first time, it was like this happiness and lightness that he had never been able to really experience before. It has been on his mind since he changed back. He can’t stop thinking about it. He’s gonna have to do it again some time.
[read on AO3]
Words: 2.7k
…
An uneasy chill drifts through the air as the Nein find themselves with some questionable guests in Caleb’s tower. An unexpected turn of events, bringing them close to people that they are quite confident cannot be trusted. When it is time for bed, no one wants to spend the night alone. They may not be completely safe, they may have an unclear, potentially quite dangerous path ahead. But for now, tonight, they are together, they are okay, they are home. The Nein gather up for the night in Yasha’s room, better together after all - they could set up the dome, sleep in shifts, keep an eye out for any suspicious goings-on from their guests. They take a vote. They’re going to see how this plays out - not rush in, weapons and firebolts blazing as they would have a few months prior.
As they gather in close, whispering about what to do next, Caleb sits off to the side of the group, fiddling with his thumbs, the dome having just been set up. Veth sits on the floor, leaning against Yasha’s bed. Caduceus sits on the other side of Veth, night time tea in hand. Yasha sits on the edge of her mattress, watching each of her compatriots with a concern in her eyes. Beau leans against Jester, who leans against Fjord, a few feet from the halfling.
Caleb brings his hands up to his face, rubbing his temples. He slaps his cheeks a few times. With a quiet, “Ja, ok,” and a mumbled incantation, a fluffy golden retriever is before them instead of the familiar human. Dogleb pads over to Veth and lets out a quiet whine. He circles once, twice, and lays down near her legs, plopping his snout on her ankles. His eyes drift closed, and Veth regards him with a warm smile on her face. She reaches down to pet his head. Veth turns to look at the group, admiration in her eyes as they all fight back an urge to “awww” loudly. She starts patting Dogleb on the head, behind the ears. He makes a happy sound and leans into her hand, she always finds it interesting which parts of Caleb seem to change (and which become more clear - more Caleb-y) when he polymorphs like this. Her other hand comes down and begins scratching and carding through the fur along his back.
Yasha - unable to curb the desire to join them any longer - sits down beside the pair and reaches over, her hands covering a much wider area as she starts to scritch his ears and back and legs. Dogleb is making all sorts of happy dog sounds, his tail wagging a mile a minute. “Aww, you’re so cute. Who’s a good boy?” Yasha smiles as she coos at him.
Dogleb’s tail wags faster, he starts to roll to his side. “Oh, do you want your belly rubbed? You want me to rub your belly? Yes you do. Yes you do. Oh you’re so sweet.” Yasha’s fingers thread through strawberry golden fur as she scratches lightly and pleasantly down Dogleb’s back to his side and toward his partially exposed belly. Yasha is lumbering over him now, encouraging him with praise as he rolls onto his back, paws in the air, head splayed back on the floor. His tail beats against the floor, a metronome keeping an ever-increasing tempo. Around them, the dome is filling with the quiet laughter and sweet whisperings of the Nein.
Veth sits up a bit more and joins Yasha, putting one hand on the soft, fluffy dog belly with a claw-like motion, scratching away at the fluff and fur there. Dogleb melts into both of them along with the floor. She leans toward the hulking barbarian-turned- professional-tummy-scratcher. She scritches under Dogleb’s chin with her other hand as he flops lazily side to side on the ground, squirming pleasantly. His back leg begins kicking in the air as they find a good spot on the side of his tummy.
“Just precious!” Veth chuckles as she acknowledges the shaking limb. She pulls Dogleb in to lie between them, still partly on her lap, as she and Yasha make moves to cuddle up for sleep on the ground with their fluffy prize. The others, more than likely, will join them soon.
“Don’t lay on your back Caleb, that’s weird!” Jester teases with a snicker. His back leg continues to kick rhythmically into the air as he spreads out, Veth and Yasha co-scritching all over his belly. “Oh man, Caleb’s flashing everyone!” Jester laughs and reaches over and scratches behind Dogleb’s floppy ear, joining the other two next to Veth.
Beau slides over to the other side of the group, joining Yasha and pressing into her thigh. She reaches over and scribbles at Dogleb’s belly, smiling.
Curling around their fluffy wizard, the group slowly melts into a pile of bodies strewn comfortably between and across each other. Veth has a face full of dog chest. Yasha has a hand still lightly stroking his belly. Beau is curled up on Yasha’s other side. Jester has an arm around Veth that reaches up just enough to softly scritch behind Dogleb’s ear. Fjord rests with his head in Jester’s lap, Caduceus is wrapped around Fjord and Jester’s other side. A slow rhythm befalls their breathing - calm, safe, together, and starts to keep time with the now-slowing tail-beat.
They decide not to all sleep at once, just in case. Yasha stays up for the first shift, Beau groggily insists on staying up with her (maybe so they can kiss a little bit, who can blame her).
It seems to be a losing game for the monk, as she curls herself into Yasha’s lap and keeps a hand scritching at Dogleb’s belly - the absentminded motion is surely enough to keep her conscious. He seems to relax into the feeling.
Nothing out of the ordinary happens during the night.
About an hour into the watch, Yasha startles at a whoosh of magic as Caleb regains his human form, jostling her and Veth a little as he shifts back. Yasha smiles with a light laugh. Beau’s half-asleep and her hand is still on Caleb’s stomach, wiggling every so often. Each time she does, mumbling into Yasha, Caleb squirms a bit - just a flinch here or there. Yasha looks up to his face and sees him smiling in his sleep. Veth is wrapped along Caleb’s now very-undoglike side, her hand on his chest. With a few sleepy mumbles, everyone’s drifting off again.
Yasha moves her hand from next to Beau’s, still on Caleb’s belly, and scritches her fingers again, as she’d been doing to his dog form for the past hour. She feels Caleb’s muscles twitch under her. She tilts her head with a curious half-smile, attention on him, and watches the small smile on his face. She wiggles her fingers against his stomach. His eyes scrunch and he huffs out a quick breath, almost a laugh. She smiles, tracing her fingers slowly and lightly over his stomach. Caleb’s form shivers, and she can’t quite tell if he’s still fully asleep or not. His breathing remains slow, and his eyes remain closed. Her other hand starts to mirror the pattern on Beau’s back.
The monk shivers pleasantly, this one is definitely semi-conscious. “Mmm- feels nice Yash.” She leans in and nuzzles into Yasha’s side. “You’re not trying to make me fall asleep, are you?” She yawns.
Yasha smiles gently. “No. But if you’re tired, you should. I can wake up Caduceus when it’s time.”
“Nah- I wanna stay up with you.” Beau mumbles, slurring into her side, and wraps her arms all the way around Yasha’s middle.
A few hours pass, and Yasha spends not a small part of them tracing softly over Beau’s back and Caleb’s middle. She doesn’t want to keep them up or startle them, just comfort. Her nails move slow, tracing gently. Beau fades in and out of sleep, continuing to lose her battle with conscious thought - Yasha’s both amazing and not-helping, as Beau loses her fight with the light tracing and tickling along her back. She wants to melt.
Eventually, Yasha turns her head and whispers loudly over the pile of friends. “Hey, Cad. You up?”
Caduceus nods his head slowly as he opens his eyes. “Sure.” He sits up, stretches his arms, and gives Yasha a content smile.
She smiles back, then looks around at the group, a hint of sadness in her eyes. A few breaths pass between them. Fjord snorts an almost snore in his sleep, a smile grows on their faces in soft appreciation. “We have to protect this.” She exhales, eyes flicking up to meet Caduceus’ gaze.
Caduceus nods, understanding. “Get some rest, I’ll keep an eye out.” He gives her a wink as she rearranges herself within Beau’s limbs, ending up with her head on Caleb’s thighs, Beau wrapped around her. Yasha drifts off happily in the embrace of her family.
Caduceus finds his watch goes uneventfully. Nothing nefarious seems to be cooking up in the tower, for now at least, despite their guests on the other floor. Caduceus considers the pile of friends beside him. He hums. They needed to have more nights like this, when there is less at stake.
It’s a few hours later when Caduceus wakes Jester for the final watch and curls himself back into the group, one arm looping around Fjord, reaching past to Veth and Caleb. His other arm rests over Jester’s legs.
It starts off easy enough, entertaining herself with her own thoughts and ideas. But patience, self-restraint? Those are not really her virtues. She puffs her bottom lip out in a bit of a pout as she starts to feel boredom set in. Looking up at the amber dome around them, Jester gets inspired. She takes her sketchbook out of her bag and spends her watch using the dim glow of the dome to illuminate the pages. She draws all of her friends sleeping in a big cuddle pile. She draws Yasha and Nott giving Dogleb belly rubs. She draws all of them as different types of dogs. She draws a couple of dicks. She draws a cute little picture of herself and the Traveler. She draws everything that she can think of, everything she enjoys.
The sun is almost peaking above the horizon when the first of her friends begins to stir. Caleb yawns as he comes into consciousness and notices the arms and heads of Beauregard, Yasha, and Veth all around him. Jester watches a small smile grace his lips just before his eyes flutter open. When he does, and sees her looking - Jester notes disapprovingly - his expression schools back to something neutral. “Ah, good morning Jester.”
“Morning Caleb. How did you sleep?”
“Mm. Fine, what about you?”
“Sooo good.” She beams. “Want to see what I drew while you were sleeping?”
Caleb flushes a little, a sheepish smile turning up his lips. “Ja, of course.”
Caleb gets one elbow up under him, careful not to disturb his sleeping companions. He leans in a bit as Jester shows him her various sketches and close ups of their sleeping faces that she cooked up earlier this morning. Caleb follows along, reminding her to whisper when she gets a little excited explaining the drawings and what kind of dog everyone would be.
“Aww.” She coos, pointing to a drawing of him as a dog with Yasha and Veth petting him. “You were so cute last night Caleb, do you want another belly rub?”
Caleb goes bright red. “Was- no.” He squirms beneath the pile of his companions, more aware now that he is weighted down with the head of a sleeping Yasha on his thighs and a Veth curled up beside him.
Jester wiggles closer. “Oh, why not? You seemed like you liked it last night!” She reaches out toward his middle, fingers wiggling exaggeratedly. “Are you worried your belly would be too ticklish when you’re not a dog or something?” Her voice is silly, lilting up at the end. It’s dangerous, like a Venus fly trap, drawing you in with its sweetness.
Caleb watches her, and she watches him back with glee as his panicked eyes slowly widen under her scrutiny. He squirms. “Jester..” He whispers cautiously, trying to sound stern and school his expression despite his beet red face. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before he gets an excuse out. “It is too early to wake everyone up.”
“Are you scared they’ll help me tickle you?”
“Nein!” He nearly shouts but cuts himself off with a whine in the back of his throat. “Jester!” He hisses as she reaches closer, dangerously close to his side. They maintain eye contact for a brief few moments, Caleb’s eyes wide and embarrassed, standing out even more against the dark shade of his face. A few breaths. Jester’s smirk softens to a smile. Caleb soon finds his expression softening as well, and his head falls back softly. His heart races in his chest as he takes a few deep breaths. “Please.” He puts up a hand pleadingly and meets Jester’s eyes. “Not- not right now.”
Jester makes a face as she contemplates. This seems like a reaaaaaally good time to make Caleb laugh and smile and be happy and tease him a little. But, it is pretty early. And everyone else is sleeping, it would be a little rude to wake them up, even if it was for something super fun.
An idea seems to dawn on her if Caleb is reading her expression right. He feels a shiver down his back.
“What about if I just tickle you like, just a litttttttle bit, like this?” She reaches and tickles behind his ears. He squirms and scrunches his shoulders. “I’ll be really nice and gentle and-”
“Ah- hehe- Jester!” His eyes are wide, matching his nervous grin.
“Shhhh, be quiet Caleb. Don’t wake them up!” She scolds with a grin. Jester lightly tickles Caleb’s ears and neck. He squirms more, shaking his head.
“Ehehe- I can’t- no-” Caleb whines, trying to catch Jester’s hand with the one of his that is free. His other arm cradles around Veth. He squeezes her close a bit in his panic as he tries to squirm out of Jester’s way.
Veth blinks awake, a bit confused as to why Caleb keeps squeezing her, and looks up to see him barely stifling giggles while Jester wiggles her fingers all around his neck and shoulders and ears - anywhere she can reach.
“Stop- stop! You’rehehe hehehe going to wahahake them!” Caleb pleads through soft giggles.
“Jester!” Veth scolds, smacking at one of her hands lightly. “He’s right.”
“I mean, technically he would be the one waking them.” She counters, then meets Veth’s soft but stern glare. “Oh, fine.”
She scratches under Caleb’s chin for a moment longer and then finally pulls her hands back. It’s minuscule, but she picks it up when his jaw follows slightly when she pulls away. She thinks she catches something in his eyes, but he closes them too quickly for her to make it out.
He takes a few shaky, deep breaths. Veth readjusts her spot, cuddling back up against him, and to Jester’s delight he flinches when she first curls into his side.
“Okay okay, go ahead and get your precious last minutes of sleep.” Jester sticks out her tongue at them, poking Caleb’s side once more and making him flinch. It takes a tremendous amount of will power to turn her attention back to her sketchbook for the next half hour or so as everyone slowly starts to stir awake.
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