#cal x trilla

[grimmgromm]

Breakfast of a real Inquisitor 🍴🐣

[pigonart]

Some catrilla nightmare for "31 days of Halloween" collection on ao3!

(Beware of giantess 👄)

[fredderssss]

Am I seriously the last fucking CalTrilla shipper in the fandom

[bejeweled-jyn]

Conversations on the Mantis

Cal: I met this girl last night that seemed to really hate you

Cere: that could be anyone, what did she look like?

Cal: tall, dark hair, really red light-

Cere: ah, that'd be Trilla. my padawan.

[a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city]

Last night the bf was making a point about live-action casting, and he was trying to think of Trilla Suduri for an example but couldn’t remember her name. 

Finally ended up with, “Oh, you know, the evil lady always making eyes at the redheaded boy. And he’s like... ‘I don’t know if you’re about to fight me or f*** me’, you know, her.”

[ketellart]

Trilla is still intimidating even in sleep

But Cal not so much

[thereyoflights]

After Hours, a f/f Caltrilla gift fic for Katy

Rated E, 2.5k words, 1/1 complete

After fighting Cal on Zeffo, Trilla indulges in a fantasy in the dark of her bunk.

Please mind the tags.

Read it on AO3 here.

[sprout-fics]

Cere: Cal, why does Trilla call you baby-girl?

Cal: Let's stop talking for a bit

[randomfandomblabdom]

Fallen Order & Survivor Musical Themes

Has anyone done this yet? Here is a comprehensive list of all of the character themes/motifs found in the Jedi: Fallen Order and Survivor video games for anyone interested. I tried to give several examples of each and also included some of my own thoughts. You can listen to many or as few links as you want. If I missed anything please feel free to add on or let me know.

FALLEN ORDER CAL KESTIS - I'm giving Cal two separate sections because I'm pretty positive he now has two separate themes and in attempts to make it less confusing, I've decided to very creatively refer to them as Fallen Order Cal and Survivor Cal. I'm a genius, I know. Fallen Order Cal is consistently heard all over both games. It's his primary theme. It feels young and heroic and wide-eyed... Remember feeling like nothing could touch you when you were young? That's the sort of feeling I get from Fallen Order Cal. It's not happy per se but it's hope and optimism sprinkled with naive youthfulness and an undertone of solemnity. He's been through some serious shit but he's a kid, he's young. The grief and trauma are there for sure but they haven't encompassed him completely. There's still some hope behind those eyes, there's a healing journey to go on, and there's a chance to take on this Empire. It's only until Survivor that the theme starts feeling a little more grounded just like the transition from childhood to adulthood. Fallen Order Cal in Survivor feels a bit less magical, that youthful spirit has diminished, that hope has dwindled.

CAL KESTIS

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

PEACEKEEPERS

A FRONTIER WELCOME

ABOVE THE CLOUDS

A STEP TOO FAR

SURVIVOR CAL KESTIS - So, I originally thought this was a minor key variation of a section of Cal's theme but I've since realized that it technically is a completely separate theme. That being said, thanks to @foxykatie425 in this insanely detailed reply to my frustrations regarding this theme that put what I was hearing into musical terms way out of my element in terms of explaining, I've realized that I may have been somewhat correct. I don't know if the two themes are actually connected, that would be a question for the composers but at the very least, it's definitely a secondary darker theme for Cal as it only ever plays in reference to him and I'd wager a guess that it's the main theme of Survivor as a whole. Compared to Fallen Order Cal, Survivor Cal feels drained, heavy, tired, burdened, and above all else, dark and foreboding. There is a genuine weight to this theme that just feels sinister. There is a hint of Fallen Order Cal there but as that post says, it almost feels like it's on the verge of falling apart. He's not the same man he was five years ago and the fact that this theme is the first thing you hear music-wise in the game and accompanies your very first view of him is an incredible way of subconsciously telling that to your audience right off the bat.

DARK TIMES

ABOVE THE CLOUDS - note: this theme and Fallen Order Cal switch back and forth constantly in this track and I find that so interesting.

NOVA GARON

NIGHTSISTER MERRIN - Merrin's theme is interesting to me because it doesn't sound anything like the type of music you might use to accompany a witch or magic user. It's not necessarily fantastical or whimsical or anything of the sort. In fact, it sounds more like something you might use for a superhero. It's a little bit timid or unsure or even afraid in Fallen Order but god damn has it built in confidence and strength once Survivor rolls around. The only time you hear that sort of timidness to it again is during the first kiss on Jedha which has such interesting implications for her being a nervous wreck in that moment. I also adore how it sounds as an action cue which you hear several times throughout Survivor. It sounds like it comes straight from the best MCU movies and yes, I do mean that as a compliment.

TO DATHOMIR

PEACEKEEPERS

MERRIN

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

TRIDENT

FLIGHT

CAL & MERRIN'S LOVE THEME - Look, I genuinely did not think they would actually go through with making Cal and Merrin canon, I honestly thought they'd chicken-shit out and I was certainly not expecting them to get any sort of love theme if they did but here we are... and we somehow got both. Cal and Merrin are canon and they got a love theme. Holy fucking shit. It just has all that warmth and sweetness of a friend-to-lovers romance too.

FIELDS OF DUSK - ORCHESTRAL VERSION

CAMPFIRE

A STEP TOO FAR

THE ABYSS

BD-1 - I said in my post regarding my thoughts on the Survivor score that these two video game scores are quite possibly the closest we've ever gotten to a John Williams sound from a composer(s) who is in fact, not John Williams. Not that every piece of Star Wars music has to sound like the big man himself, part of the reason The Mandalorian theme was so positively received was that it was such a different sound for Star Wars but I stand by what I said: this is the closest a composer has gotten to a John Williams sound and they have clearly done their research. Some people might not know this but R2 and 3PO have a very small motif heard throughout the films. It's not played very often and is sometimes not very noticeable but it's there and BD-1's motif is not only similar but definitely sounds like it exists within the same universe. I also love that droids are so often musically presented as very childlike, innocent, and mischievous. BD in particular has a very playful energy.

BD-1 AND THE BOGLINGS

MERRIN

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

TRILLA SUNDURI/SECOND SISTER - Trilla's theme legitimately activates my fight or flight response and when I say that, I mean mostly my flight response cause you won't find me messing with this shit. It's very much in lieu of the famous Psycho violins which were written to heighten your senses by emulating screams. I wish we got more of it cause it's intimidating as fuck and a piece of dark side art.

FIGHT AND FLIGHT

TRILLA

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

CERE JUNDA - Don't hate me but I haven't quite fallen in love with Cere's theme yet. That's not to say it's bad by any means, it's absolutely beautiful. It has such a deep melancholy vibe to it, like an inescapable sadness. It almost has a feeling of failure to me weirdly enough.

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

DESERT RUINS

SIEGE

THE VISITOR

ENO CORDOVA - I've mentioned this before but again, for people who might not know: the music that is widely considered to be the main theme of Fallen Order - so much so it was primarily used during the recap at the beginning of Survivor - is Cordova's theme. It's such an interesting artistic choice because I think many people would've made it either Cal's theme or given the entire game its own theme in general. I listen to this one a lot honestly. It's so calming and safe feeling.

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

FAILURE IS NOT THE END

ENO CORDOVA'S THEME

THE NARKIS ANCHORITES

BODE AKUNA - Yes, Bode does have a theme and you know what? It slaps. I really like it. It's very adventurous and feels quite friendly which is ironic as hell. It does get some heart-wrenching renditions nearer to the end of the game. It's the music that swells when he force-pushes Cal and everyone collectively shits themselves. Oh, it also has some dark renditions as well.

ABOVE THE CLOUDS

A STEP TOO FAR

BROTHERS

THROUGH DARKNESS

RAYVIS - As far as I can tell, Rayvis does not have a set theme but he is usually accompanied by high-playing strings and his boss fight music is the best example of that. I actually don't think a lot of Rayvis moments ended up on the score soundtrack which... how dare they.

WARRIORS CODE

DAGAN GERA - I thought Dagan didn't have a theme for the longest time but it turns out he actually does have a tiny motif that I do wish had been more thoroughly realized in the score because it's so menacing and I absolutely love it. It's most prominently heard during his last confrontation with Cal. He is also usually accompanied by low-playing horns. Not always but usually.

RELEASE ME

TO THE RESCUE

GRAND OCULUS

KATA AKUNA - I'm going to rant about this one for a second, okay? I have spent the last few weeks wondering what the hell the melody that plays throughout the track Through Darkness is. I was sitting here plucking out melodies on a piano app (cause I don't own a keyboard) and was like, "Okay, it's not Cal's theme, it's not Bode's theme, it's not Merrin's theme... what the hell is that series of notes??" Yes, I'm aware that not every note has to mean something but these just felt like they did. It's played at such an emotional point in the game and for two scores that already work heavily around themes and motifs and musical ideas, it didn't make sense to me that this little series of notes would mean nothing, especially at such a poignant moment. Funnily enough, it only just occurred to me while making this post that it's fucking Kata's theme. At least I think it is. Well, motif. It's not a fully developed theme but it definitely has the makings of one. That's not even me making a wild guess either, these notes appear in other places in the story that feature Kata.

NOVA GARON

THE ABYSS

THROUGH DARKNESS

GHOST STAR - I'm adding this for fun because I think it's gorgeous and I love it but it leads me to ask: why has there been no official release of Ghost Star? With or without vocals? This is a genuine question. It does not appear on the Cantina album nor is there even a snippet of its melody on the score album. It makes me wonder if the song was maybe added later into production? Trust me, I love the orchestral cover that has been going around and people are obviously seeking it out cause the track has gained thousands of streams in the months since the game was released. It was at 10k the last time I looked on Spotify and it's currently at 24k as of writing this. I'm just genuinely surprised EA/Respawn or hell, even Lucasfilm hasn't capitalized off that.

GHOST STAR

GHOST STAR W/ VOCALS

Thank you most sincerely if you made it all the way here :)

I liked this. I should do this for more scores lol.

[frost-queen]

I’m coming after you (Fem!Reader x Trilla Suduri)

Requested by: anon, Forever tag: @missmelodramatic, @theletterhart, @alex--awesome--22​, @elllie-does-the-posts​, @floatlosers​, @merlieve, @queen-of-books​, @glimmering-darling-dolly​, @denkisclown​, @wildieflower​, @meyocoko​, @bubblybrianna​, @justanothercoco​,   @subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr​, @swampthing07​

Summary: Reader & Trilla knew each other from the Jedi academy where feelings were left unspoken before the event of order 66. On Brakka Reader is in search of Cal Kestis to alert him from the dangers. Instead of Cal she stumbled upon the second sister who is quite shocked to see Reader. Trilla starts chasing you down with flirty and intimidating comments till she corners you. Her cold demeanor faltering with tears leading to an adorable kiss.  

Taking a deep breath, your shoulders moved up and down. Looking wonderingly around. A massive shipwrecking yard in front of you. Standing a top a platform, the wind ruffled through your hair and clothing. Sweeping a faint cold against your skin as it caught underneath your clothing. Gripping tight onto the railing, you peered out in the open. – “Where are you?” – you asked yourself. – “Where are you Cal Kestis.” – sighing deep, your shoulders slouched. 

Up till now it was hopeless of finding him. A hidden Jedi such as yourself. A survivor from Order 66 so many years ago. With the up mars from the inquisitors there was no denying the Jedi’s in hiding were in danger once more. Your numbers were already slim, so they needn’t be slimmer. This was the reason you found yourself on Brakka. 

Searching for a fellow jedi survivor to warn him from the uprising Turning around you went down to find a way across the shipwrecking yard. Massive ships stripped and cut for parts. The lower you got, the larger the wrecked ships seemed. How tiny a person could be in similarity with the fallen craft ships that carried them.

Sliding down a panel you came on another level. One of the locals burning parts apart with massive protection goggles. You decided to approach him since your search for Cal was leading nowhere. You came closer when he stopped burning, tapping him on the shoulder. – “What?” – he grunted out, moving his goggles upwards to get a look of you. – “Kestis do you know where he is?” – you asked. 

“Don’t know who that is.” – he answered rudely, moving his goggles back down. – “Are… are you sure?” – you said as he gave you the cold shoulder. Deafening your voice out with the noise of him burning parts. Melting the material into smaller bits. Looking briefly up, you exhaled annoyed. If this was how it was going to be, you’d sure as hell never find him in time. You decided to go upwards to an open back part of a ship that had usage as passage now. 

You climbed, careful of the wind that picked up. Inside the open ship part there were some people passing through. – “Kestis?” – you asked them. – “Know where he is?” – One of them shook his head. Another one told you roughly ‘no’ setting some equipment down. You made your way through. Hearing a sudden alarm go off startled you. A red light flickering on and off at the beat of the alarm.

You watched the locals for a clue of what it meant. The annoying buzzing sound ear deafening. More species came running into the passage in a quick pace. – “What does it mean?” – you shouted loud, covering up your ears. They all ignored you, picking up some equipment on the way. They then moved to the front of the broken ship. You decided to follow them, perhaps Kestis was amongst them. Smoke filled an area making you cough and wave your hand in front of you. 

“Kestis?” – you called out loud in the hopes anyone would response. – “Not here.” – a voice responded yet you couldn’t see clearly who spoke. – “I am looking for him. Can you tell me where I might find him?” – you said loudly as men brushed past you as if you weren’t there. – “Try the upper levels.” – the same voice spoke through. – “Thank you!” – you replied backing up. Nearly bumping against others who came running desperately over to fix what set the alarm off. Finally some information. The upper levels. A sense of direction at last. 

You made your way through the passage, looking for a way up. Not far from you dangled a line. Unable to use your sense of the force as cover, you needed to figure another way to it. Spotting a way for you to climb up and stretch your arm out for reach. So you did minding every step. Brakka wasn’t a very safe planet. One wrong step might drop you a thousand feet downwards into the abyss. Years of build up wreckage enduring as foundation. Taking a leap of jump, you caught the line, swinging back and forth.

You waited till you settled still to climb upwards. Muscles tensing as you mostly used your arms to go higher. Near the end, you swung backwards with the use of your feet to go closer to the near platform of the upper level. Groaning loud, you jumped, landing on your feet to roll further. Getting up, you didn’t see anyone at first. Entering a tunnel like tube. – “Kestis? Are you here?” – you called out, hoping for a response. You stopped, eyes narrowing trying to figure out if there was a figure standing in the dark at the end of the tunnel. 

“Kestis?” – you asked loudly. – “Not Kestis.” – a woman’s voice responded. The sudden sound of a lightsaber lighting made you widen your eyes. The dark red reflecting bright against the darkness. Your heart thumping louder in your chest. Frozen to the ground as the person approached. Stepping out of the shadows to reveal their face. Eyes widening more it hurt your eye muscles. An inquisitor. The second sister. – “Y/n?” – she said taking a step closer. 

You gasped loud at the mention of your name. A hint of shock hiding in her voice, face hidden by a mask. Shaking your head you knew you were in danger. – “Y/n… you…” – the second sister said moving a hand forwards. – “No!” – you screamed out, thinking she was about to choke you with her grip. You spun around taking a run for it. Knowing very well you were no match for an inquisitor at this very moment. 

It was too risky to fight her without the usage of your own lightsaber you decided not to bring along. This way your cover wouldn’t accidentally be blown. Smart choice or wrong choice? The second sister came running after you, laughing loud. Her voice manipulated a bit robotic.

“Where are you going?” – The second sister called out catching up with you. You jumped down, feet slipping as you touched vast ground, shoulder hitting the ground hard. – “So it is a chase you want.” – The second sister teasingly said, looking down at you. She retracted her lightsaber, jumping down herself. You hurried up to your feet, running further. – “You cannot run from me Y/n. I’ll catch you no matter what.” – she said loud making you gasp loud. You leaped onto another platform unable to shake the second sister off your back. 

Above you hung some a half broken panel with broken wires. Since your cover was already half blown, you moved your hand up. Bringing the loose panel down on the second sister. She grunted jumping away in time. – “So you like it rough?” – she chuckled slowly getting up. – “So do I.” – she cackled out. Moving your hands up you zigzagged avoiding the objects the second sister dropped near you to slow you down. Screaming loud you spurted for a way out. The obstacle course getting trickier. – “You make my wildest dreams come alive.” – you heard her call out behind you. 

“What is wrong with you?” – you shouted back. Confused and weirded out how the second sister acted around you. The comments she dropped with a double meaning were very confusing. Did she like tormenting her prey before the kill? – “I want you Y/n!” – she replied setting herself off. She ran against the side of a wall, landing in front of you. You had to cut down to a sudden stop to not bump against her.

“Stop!” – you called out frightened as she approached you intimidating. You backed away as she swiftly removed her helmet. Eyes widening at the face before you as your feet came to a stop. – “Trilla?” – you whispered as her helmet dropped to the ground with loud thud. Trilla nodded slowly. – “Yes…” – she tilted her head, taking in your features. You did the same, having not seen her for so many years. Not since you were separated from her at the Jedi academy with unsaid feelings. 

You couldn’t deny the leap your heart made seeing her alive. Yet it was wary of her, of what she has become. You didn’t know. You thought she was dead, mourning her for many years. Trilla’s lip trembled at the sight of you. Her eyes filling with tears as she took a step closer to you. – “You are alive…” – she said softly moving her hand upwards. She took a few more steps so that her hand could brush against your cheek. Her cold demeanor slowly faltering. Your breath shuddered when her hand touched your skin. 

Making you lean into her palm. Trilla smiled with teary eyes, a few drops rolling down her cheek. You took her palm from against your cheek, leaving a sweet kiss on it. – “I am alive.” – you told her as a final reminder. Trilla grabbed your face, pressing her lips firmly onto yours. Years of unspoken feelings finally outed on the outskirts of Brakka. You forgot about Cal and the inquisitors, you forgot about it all. Only thinking of Trilla in this moment as you kissed her passionately back.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read more of my fics on my Masterlists!  

[grimmgromm]

«Avenge us»

[pigonart]

For fellow Catrilla thirsty people!

Here i've started a catrilla patreon with @grimmgromm 's (and a bit of mine) art. It contains NSFW woks, which cannot be posted here on tumblr, and also a lot of sketches, trashy or sometimes not.

I also set a $1 paywall there just to bet @grimmgromm and not because we are greedy. Though we are greedy. A bit. We already keep a lot of art for ourselves, which proves the point. We have enough art in reserve to post twice a week for a year and we gonna to keep making more!

So please try it and be welcome!

[fredderssss]

"Fredders, why do you shit on wolfwren and at the same time gush over CalTrilla? Aren't they the same?"

Cal and Trilla went out of their way to actually have somewhat functioning conversations with the other and might have been getting through to each other, meanwhile Sabine and Shin are just mindlessly trying to maim each other, hope this helps.

[multifandom-simp-page]

Just A Nightmare

Pairing: Cal Kestis x Fem!Reader

Word count: 3.2K

Summary/request: Reader has some trauma from recent empire reconditioning that she is scared to face, but Cal is determined to help her through it

Warnings: Angst, PTSD, nightmares, mentions of torture, mentions of blood, problem avoidance, contention, mentions of scars, mentions of being shot. I think that’s all?

This is a request from my friend, so here you go girly, please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes l hate English.

You stared at the woman opposing you so close that you could easily reach out and touch her. She had a wicked grin and a shiver ran down your spine, her bright yellow iris’ felt as though they stared directly into your soul. The woman was you. 

A bone-chilling cackle rang out into the void around you and she leaned in close to your face, whispering a mere few words under her breath that made your heart drop to your stomach. 

“You can’t keep me away forever Y/N” 

Your eyes shot open with a start as your breath heaved from your lungs, you sat up in bed and placed a palm over your racing heart. You slid your legs over the side of your bed and leaned your elbows on them, dragging your hands over your face as you tried to calm your acute nerves. It was just a dream, it's okay, we escaped, she can’t get us anymore. You said under your breath as though trying to make yourself believe it. 

You inhaled sharply as you heard your blast door open to be met with a worried elder Jedi “You alright Y/N? Could hear you tossing and turning from the kitchen” she asked quietly as she leaned on the doorframe, crossing her arms. You huffed out a breath as you looked at your hands, picking up the dirt you’d accumulated under your nails from your earlier adventure. 

“Uhm yeah, just a bad dream I guess,” You looked up and gave her a weak smile, and she gave you one in return, you saw her glance at the sleeping night sister in the bed across from yours and motioned for you to follow her before turning and walking back down the hall of the Mantis. You stood and stretched your sore aching muscles and walked out of your shared quarters then down the hall following Cere. 

There was a dull pain in your thigh from where you had gotten shot earlier that burned while you walked, Cal had given you one of BDs stims after the encounter but the pain still lingered underneath the pink scar. 

You fell onto the plush couch in front of the holotable and rested your chin on your hand while rubbing over your sore thigh with the other. You looked out of the open Mantis door to see Bongano, they must’ve wanted to get off Zeffo after your and Cal’s encounter with that Inquisitor sister. You sighed as cere set a cup of some steaming beverage in front of you and then sat across from you with her own drink. 

You felt her eyes on you as you sipped the drink, you finally looked up and sighed. “Just say whatever you wanna say Cere,” You said and she laughed under her breath looking out at a bogling playing in the mud. 

She chuckled under her breath and sipped her drink again. “I was wondering about your exploring yesterday, Cal was brutally vague when I asked about it after he left you in your room,” She asked and your jaw clenched at the mention. 

“It was pretty good until the Inquisitor showed up, she was really annoying,” you said nonchalantly, as though she didn’t almost trigger a full-blown anxiety attack for you. 

Cere rolled her eyes and set her cup down to fold her hands together on the table “And you don’t think she might’ve caused your nightmare last night?” She asked hesitantly, knowing what it was like to go into the inquisitors reconditioning. 

You shot her a glare “Cere stop. We’ve been over this-” You were going to continue but you heard a blast door open. You looked over to see Merrin yawning as she walked down the hall, reminded that other people also were on the Mantis you closed your mouth. Merrin smiled as Cere scooted over to give her room next to her, she happily sat and smiled at you. 

“Morning Merrin,” you said curtly and returned her smile. 

She yawned again “Morning, Cal gone out already?” She looked to Cere, whom nodded. “And I assume Greez is sleeping?” She inquired as you gulped down the rest of your drink. 

Cere shook her head, “Actually he's outside, doing maintenance on the Mantis, said something about how we’re ‘gonna be the death of him with all this adventurin’” She quoted him and they both laughed, you stood up and smiled at them both. 

“Well If Cal’s gone out already I should go get some training in, would hate to have him show me up next time we spar,” you commented before excusing yourself to your room to get dressed. 

-

As you pulled on your shirt you heard a knock on the door, you looked over and made sure your shirt was on properly before speaking “Come in!” You said as you grabbed your lightsabre and clicked it on your belt, you heard the blast door open and looked over to see Merrin standing in the doorway. 

You smiled as you sat down on your bed to pull on some boots. “Hey Merrin, what's up?” She stepped into the room and walked to sit on her bed across from you. 

She sighed and you looked up at her, raising your eyebrow “Are you doing okay?” She asked nervously, as though she wasn’t allowed to know. “I know you didn’t sleep well last night,” she said and you smiled at her. 

“Yeah, but it's alright, it was just a nightmare, nothing I can’t handle,”  You slapped your hands on your knees and stood up “I'm sorry if I kept you up last night, and for making you worry” You smiled and she nodded before you left, walking back into the main room of the Mantis to find Cere still sitting where you last saw her. 

“Y/N please-” She started when she saw you but you hurriedly started walking down the ramp into Bogano’s warm humid air. 

“No Cere. I don’t wanna hear it” You spoke sternly as you heard her get up to follow you. 

She huffed as you stepped into the mud and she stopped at the top of the ramp, “Okay I get that, but Y/N please will you at least talk to Cal? He’s worried about you too, he told me you’ve been pulling away from the force since he came and rescued us from Nur” She pleaded to you as you continued walking away, refraining from answering her. 

-

When you were out of the Mantis’ view you stopped and sighed, lifting your hand to run it over your face. You pulled your hand away and looked down at your arms, you ran your other hand over the small pink scars that crawled down your arm like lightning. You shivered at the vivid memory of the feeling of being strapped to that cold chair. Feeling your body light on fire as the Second Sister instructed a droid to electrocute you every time you didn’t answer a question to her liking. 

As much as you hated it you knew Cere was right. You had been pulling away from the force since then, refraining from using your lightsabre unless absolutely necessary as well, which Cal had often pestered you about when you ended up in a tight situation. You knawed on your lip as you thought about how close you were to breaking, to abandoning everything you had been raised with just to stop the pain. 

Tears pricked your eyes as you thought of what Cal might think of your confession, he would probably get upset and talk some nonsense about how terrible they are. You felt dizzy as the thoughts overwhelmed you, so you sat down unceremoniously and crossed your legs, before resting your head in your hands and trying to calm your breathing.  

You huffed as you looked up to see a bogling scampering by and you smiled at the peace, you flexed your hand and sighed, ‘maybe I should meditate’ the thought flashed through your mind and you felt a tightness in your stomach. You knew you should, but It terrified you, the thought of having to face the memories, the darkness that threatened to consume you whole. 

You bit down on the inside of your cheek and placed your palms on your knees, remembering your padawan days when your master would make you sit for hours trying to teach you the art of force meditation. You almost laughed, you could practically hear the pestering motherly tone she used whenever you complained that you were going to fall asleep if you sat there any longer. 

You inhaled deeply, smelling the fresh soil around you. The smell reminded you of Cal, he always smelled like some mix of dirt, grease, and sweat with all the adventures he found himself on. You felt warmth bloom in your chest as you recounted all the time you spent together since Prauf introduced you to him on Bracca. All the trauma you helped him get through, and what he had helped you with in turn. 

You remembered how tentative he was to you that first night out of the facility, letting you stay in his room with him after not wanting to say alone in your room, seeing as how Greez and Merrin were on a run into a market for some supplies for the coming days. 

Images of the cold barren room flashed through your mind, causing your jaw and fists to clench. You could vividly recall the cold metal clamps holding you down as you thrashed against the empire's torture device. The feeling of your throat being so raw you could taste blood, and despite that fact, your screams and cries would still pierce through the air and echo around you. You shivered, falling into the memory. 

Pain. The burning sensation in every fiber of your being was the only thing you could think about. You knew you were screaming, you couldn’t hear it because of how loud your ears were ringing. But you could feel it. Your body thrashed against the device that held you down and sent violent shockwaves through your veins. You felt your chest heave as the pain subsided momentarily, and you heard the click of boots as someone paced in front of you. 

“Now, are you going to comply yet?” You heard the second sister sneer at you. A cough racked through you as you opened your eyes to the blinding light above you, you felt a coppery taste pool in the back of your mouth as you met the inquisitor's eyes, she stepped forward with a raised eyebrow. 

You choked out another cough and glared at her, “Go to hell” you retorted and spit a mixture of blood and saliva on the floor in front of her, she looked at the floor in front of her with a neutral expression, then back at you with a slight grin. 

“Very well, have it your way,” She said and turned on her heel, you didn’t get to watch her walk out the door before you were once again overcome with the all encompassing feeling of electricity coursing through you. 

You were pulled from the memory state when a hand grazed over your shoulder, your body moved before your brain could even comprehend what happened. In the span of about 10 seconds, you went from sitting to kneeling over someone's back with their hand pinned against their lower spine. 

You only seemed to realize it was Cal when BD jumped up on your shoulder and started beeping at you so fast you couldn’t understand him. You gasped and quickly clambered off of the ginger and started spewing words of apology. 

He sat up and laughed wiping mud off his hands and smiling sheepishly at you “Kriff If I’d known you were gonna do that I wouldn’t have tried to sneak up on you Y/N” he chuckled and watched as BD crawled off your shoulder and into your lap. “What are you doing out here anyway?” He asked with a soft smile playing on his lips.

You looked down at the droid in your lap and chewed on your lip “Just… thinking,” you said softly, and BD booped at you. 

Cal ducked down slightly to see your face and frowned “You should talk about it y’know,” He reached out and grabbed your hand from where it lay on your knee, he clasped your fingers in one hand and used his other to trace over the small scars you’d acquired through the years. 

You watched his calloused fingers brush delicately over your knuckles and then upwards over the new pink scars that dragged horizontally over your wrist and upper arm, and then traced back down on the vein-like scars that webbed down your forearm. A permanent reminder of how much they broke you. 

You sniffled as he kissed gingerly at your knuckles and looked up at you with a soft smile. “I know you hate looking at your scars, especially the ones from Nur. But they just show how strong you are, you survived and these show that” he said and lifted both his hand to place them on your face and pulled you to look at him. 

You laughed softly when you saw the determined look on his face to bring you out of the shell the empire had shoved you into. The look of pure love and admiration had you melting and you sighed, sniffling again. You felt guilty for being this way, you were supposed to be the strong one, the rock that grounded everyone around you. But now you just felt like a child, like you wanted to curl up in a corner and disappear from reality. 

You couldn’t be the rock anymore, and you didn’t know if you could make it past whatever this was. This was unlike anything you’d ever done before, even when you were alone after the purge and had to survive on your own. This threatened to consume you whole. You placed your hands on Cal’s wrists as you felt his thumbs lightly brush over your cheeks. Tears began to spill down your cheeks as you had to tear your gaze away from his. Instead, choosing to look down at your lap where BD stared back up at you, if droids could look sad then the way BD stared at you now would be the way to describe it. 

You choked out a sob as Cal shifted closer to you, pulling you into a warm embrace as BD scampered off your lap. Your hands balled into the fabric of his poncho at his sides as you rested your head on his chest. His arms wrapped around you, one of his hands on your lower back to secure you against him while the other cradled the back of your head. He placed soft kisses in your hair and allowed you to cry. 

He knew that things changed after Nur, he would be an idiot not to, but he also knew that your coping skills weren’t working and that the longer you waited to face the problem the worst it would become. He also knew that it was wrong to push you when you weren’t ready and that you would come to terms with it when you felt prepared. He's just glad he found you before you realized you couldn’t hold on to the false sense of peace anymore. 

You suddenly pulled away and looked up at him with teary eyes, you sniffled and started spewing nonsense “I'm sorry Cal- I thought I could handle it- a-and I-” you ranted, but he shushed you and he smiled sweetly, pulling the hand from behind your head to wipe stray tears off your cheek. 

“It's okay, you’re okay. I understand, and I’m here for you alright?” He spoke softly and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. You nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck playing with the collar of his poncho and the hairs at the base of his neck. You looked up at him to see him already watching you, with a small smile tugging on his lips. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the look on his face, his hair awry and muddy, the flecks of dirt littering his face, and best of all the infatuated look on his face. 

He couldn’t help but join in your contagious laughter even though a confused expression crossed his features “What!?” He cried out in laughter as you pulled him close to you again. His brows furrowed as he looked at the droid who stood idly by, who just beeped at him in similar confusion. 

“Nothing!” You hummed as you turned your head to look at BD as well, “Your just a dork Cal” you said and squeezed his midsection, you both laughed as he pulled your face back and smiled mischievously before leaning backward to lay down and pulling you with him in the mud. You squealed as he wrapped his legs around your waist to keep you pinned against him to pepper your face with kisses. 

“Yeah but I'm your dork!” He cheered as you tried to push him away. BD-1 paced around and beeped furiously, clearly not understanding what was happening. Your fit of laughter died down as you fell limp against Cal’s chest your ear resting over his heart, your eyes falling closed as he lulled you into a calm peace. His hand lightly rubbed up and down your back reassuringly and his heartbeat reminded you that he was here this time. That you didn’t have to do the hard things alone anymore. 

You turned your head to look up at him and smiled, seeing him look at the soft blue of Bogano’s sky. You smiled, lifting your hand to trace softly over his face, his eyes falling shut as your index finger ran over the scar across the bridge of his nose. 

You sighed and leaned down to place a kiss on his collarbone, and smiled letting out a soft “thank you Cal, I needed this,” You weren’t quite sure if he heard you at first, but when his hand on your back stopped its motions and squeezed you against him, you knew he heard you. 

His eyes opened slightly to smile at you once more, “I know” he said smugly and you sat up shoving off his chest and making him jump with a roll of your eyes. 

“Oh shut it you” You slid off him as you both started in a fit of laughter, his laughter died down as he sat up to give you puppy eyes. You don’t think you’ve ever rolled your eyes so hard in your life, but knowing exactly what he wanted you still leaned over to place a sweet kiss on his lips anyway. Your troubles fell into the background for the moment as you bathed in the radiance of Cal’s pure joy. You figured that those nightmares wouldn’t bother you again for a while, and if they did, you were sure your favorite Jedi would jump in to return the light to your soul. 

Damn, of course Cere was right, she always was.

-

Hello! I hope you enjoyed it! And thanks so much to everyone who made requests I will get them posted ASAP! Have a blessed day or night, dear readers!

[imperial-spy]

Fun little favourites trend I decided to do!

Someone on tiktok pointed out that the creator of the grid probably didn't mean that type of ship but oh well, if your curious my favourite ship is The Chimera, Thrawns ship.

Here's my tiktok-vid

Here's the original grid if anyone wants it :]

[ketellart]

I’ll save you trilla!!!!!!

The ending I deserve😭