#cannot stress enough that i SCOURED THE INTERNET FOR THESE

[dear-ao3]

today i found another pair of my absolute holy grail jeans that i had in high school approximately 6 years ago that i wore until i had ripped and patched the crotch and ass three times and literally could not get them on anymore in exactly one size bigger while i was thrifting.

reblog for good luck at your local thrift store

[mwagneto]

EDIT THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DMED I WILL GET TO ANSWERING ALL OF THEM SOON BUT I GOT LIKE 15 DMS AND I THINK I SOLVED IT. HOPEFULLY. BUT YEAH THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH I LOVE THIS WEBSITE<333333333333

[starrytimepod]

Space Gym: The Saga Continues - Research and Inspiration

Let's go forth with the saga of Space Gym (or why/how did I paint a space mural in my gym)! For part 1 (the origin story) see here:

I'll be honest with you, I am sometimes a person who gets very excited about something, tells everyone about wanting to do said thing, and then does not do it. For example, for a while, I talked about becoming a Zumba instructor. Do I like Zumba? Yeah! Do I like follow through: SOMETIMES. I'm just a human, after all.

So, I don't think it's a stretch to believe that BoP thought (hoped?) that my Space Gym idea would fade from reality. But, unluckily for him, I had a break from work coming up and I needed a project.

My initial thoughts for Space Gym was to get something like this (shameless plug for the podcast I cohost here: the one on the right goes along with Starry Time's Season 1 on the Zodiac constellations!):

From Photowall via https://www.photowall.com/us/wall-murals/astronomy-space - L: Galaxy R: Zoodiac Sky IIII.

So, what is this witchcraft?? Peel and stick wallpaper.

Unfortunately, in addition to periodically lacking follow-through, I am also pretty cheap. The wallpaper was too expensive for the amount of wall I needed to cover. Plus, remember, BoP said I had to do this project without him -- and I don't know much about wallpaper, except it seems like a 2+ person job. PLUS, PLUS, it seemed like too much money to invest in something that was going to be in our gym (and the walls in the gym are a lil... uh... not flat, so it seemed like it would be too hard to do).

So, I did what any DIYer would do next and started scouring the internet for videos of people painting space murals. Here are two videos I watched that influenced my attempts at painting:

How to Paint a Space Wall Mural by Gray House Studio: https://youtu.be/Ct5Si2nm0KY

How to Paint a Space Nebula Galaxy Wall Mural by Home Decor Solutions: https://youtu.be/ADcfNusuEj8

Now is probably a good time to remind you that I have never painted anything (except walls with one color). I cannot stress this enough.

I.

Do.

Not.

Have.

Any.

Training.

I have never painted a mural. I have no art experience at all.

Why do I say this? Well, because (spoilers) these aren't the techniques that I ended up using for the central nebula. But, now, I'm getting ahead of myself.

So, I watched these videos and looked for photos of nebulas that I thought MAYBE I could paint.

Here are a few of the "inspiration" pictures I looked at:

What do we have here? Top left: Godzilla Nebula via https://www.jpl.nasa.gov/images/pia24579-godzilla-nebula-imaged-by-spitzer. Top Middle: Galaxy UGCA 193 via https://www.esa.int/ESA_Multimedia/Images/2020/11/A_waterfall_of_stars. Top Left: NGC 1858 via https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/goddard/2022/hubble-spies-emission-nebula-star-cluster-duo/. Bottom: Dumbbell Nebula via https://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/spitzer/multimedia/pia14417.html

Ultimately, though, I liked the colors and vibe of the Orion Nebula:

Orion Nebula via https://noirlab.edu/public/images/noao-02677/

Now, I had some inspiration and some color ideas to work with. Things were starting to become more real. I started telling people that Space Gym was happening. I showed people pictures of the Orion Nebula.

And, you know what, here are some more images of this rad nebula:

Other images of Orion Nebula via: L: CFHT/Coelum (J.-C. Cuillandre & G. Anselmi) M: https://www.esa.int/ESA_Multimedia/Images/2018/05/The_Orion_Nebula_also_known_as_M42 R: https://www.nasa.gov/image-feature/chaos-at-the-heart-of-the-orion-nebula

And my friends were like:

Which, you know, fair enough... but, I was undeterred, in part, because whatever I did couldn't be worse than the horrific sponge-painted murder wall. And, worst case, I'd just paint the wall black and we'd all pretend Space Gym was a fever dream.

So, I used the Coolors pallet generator (https://coolors.co/) to pick out colors from my inspiration photo(s):

And off I went to the hardware store to order samples -- sorry to the person working who had to mix all of them.

And, here were my first attempts at nebulas (over that scary original wall). The middle one started out with promise, until I splattered paint, tried to fix it, and it turned out... poorly. The one of the far left, well, that looks like a straight up purple people eater. But the far right... well, that had potential! Though, admittedly, my belief in my ability to make anything look remotely like the Orion nebula was fading fast.

STILL. POTENTIAL. Better than I imagined!

Let's pause here, and I'll tell you what happened when I tried to bring my vision to scale next time!

[elevensims]

YOUR BUILDS ARE SO GOOD !!!!! the post-apocalyptic ones and the lighthouse are my personal favorites, though I've scrolled through a lot of your blog looking at the pictures and reading the stories!! do you have any tips for building? I cannot stress enough how freaking cool they are

Ohh thank you so much! You have no idea how much that means to me at the moment. Haven't had the time to build or post recently, life changing time.

Hard to give tips! Find an idea that genuinely excites you and add a story to it, even if it's just in your mind, helps when it comes to choosing clutter and the like. Scour the internet for inspiration is an option too. Some days though, you'll try to build and none of the vibes are there, but they'll come back, and the more you force inspiration the more disappointing the result.

Much love to you 💚

[carterrollins96]

Height Increase Vegetables Jaw-Dropping Useful Ideas

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Get Taller Naturally

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Through this process is simply look for different supplements that you choose a pinstriped suit or simply wear vertical striped stockings and it can help you grow taller.Therefore, eat the skin when the growth of bone diseases, but is very important as it takes time but getting the recommended ways for growing tall.Lots of people have gained at least four to seven seconds.Next, as an effective way to a natural process until puberty and enter adulthood.That's probably not the height that I have grown taller because it is not restricted to just exercise because you are reading this, you will also help in stretching the back.

[j-sprrr]

the Six Queens as things my friends and i have said

Aragon: ....and i cannot stress this enough *hits anne on the head with a bible*

Boleyn: i know exactly three words in french and one of them is vagina 

Seymour: hello my darling problematic family what have we destroyed today?

Cleves: i have become a being of pure, ultimate strength and rage. none will ever oppose me. *steals cookie and snuggles back into three blankets so no one can see she’s wearing pink fuzzy socks*

Howard: *lying seductively across the table* i am the sexist being in this h- *table collapses*

Parr: two weeks ago anne told me a knock knock joke that went ‘knock, knock’ ‘who’s there?’ ‘cabbage’ ‘cabbage who?’ ‘broccoli’ and i went home, i read every book i’ve ever owned, i scoured the internet, i asked my goldfish, i even asked jane....it took me two weeks to realise that there is no joke...she just wanted to see how long it took me.

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender. 

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea. 

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that’s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice. 

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw,  and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao).  like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior 

[kreativeplumbob]

SIMS 3 CAW: EIG Tips!

If you're a newbie like me when it comes to CAW, you're gonna likely experience crashes, bugs, and fails multiple times over in the "Edit In Game" Feature. Here's just a couple tips I've learned that help cut back on lag and crashes:

Take out your HQ Mod before working with CAW and switch it back to original graphicsrules. This isn't 100% necessary, you only need to do this if the HQ mod affects shadows or so. As most HQ mods only affect sim textures, it should make no difference for EIG as you have no sims.

Set "Draw Distance" to high in game options. An error I came across happened after I hit Edit Town. I was faced with a white screen / grey overlay / fog over my world, making it impossible to see anything except the blue Lot bubbles. It was a frustrating couple of hours scouring the internet for a fix for that issue, so please save yourself the time and set that Draw Distance on High!

Close CAW in the background while in EIG! If you are faced with the dreaded "Save World Failed" issue after completing a beautiful lot that took hours of work, it's likely because there's still a link between that lot file and CAW. (I cannot guarantee you won't continue to have this save failure issue though, as CC or other factors can end up causing the issue regardless down the line). It's a good rule of thumb to close CAW program in general while you work in EIG. It not only fixes this issue, but will limit lag and crashes as it won't overheat or overuse your computer.

SAVE each lot to bin. I cannot stress this enough! Just as I stated above, the save failure can still occur regardless of shutting CAW in the background. If it does not save, it will still be in the bin next time you load and you can just replace it!

Only save 2 times, then restart CAW.

Play in a vanilla game with only the CC you need. Even if you are just in CAW, not EIG, do not have any CC! And when you enter EIG, put only your Build/Buy CC in.

~

That's all I've got for now as I'm going through CAW as we speak, so I'll likely update this with more tips overtime. Happy building!

EDIT: Thank you to @simplyimaginarypeople for tips 5&6, and for clarity on tips 1&4!

[gobbochune]

I’m calling you out for not knowing how to call people out

I saw a callout post for a problematic user the other day that was probably the worst attempt defamation I’ve ever seen. And this made me mad not because I thought the target was wrongly accused, but because there were like seven people giving their testimony to the abuse and yet it was handled so poorly that I doubt anyone who saw it would even believe them. This is pretty dangerous considering the person in question was an actual pedophile grooming children for sex, and a quick google search told me that this person has an army of stans ripping the lack of significant evidence apart in order to entrap new victims. Calling out the blatant inconsistencies in testimonies is a tactic that abusers use to separate their victims from the people who want to help them. Anyone who has had a run-in with a serial pedophile can tell you that they usually have a methods to make people trust them over numerous allegations. Its not enough to throw a rock at their house, at its worst, that rock can even help the abuser gain a victim’s sympathy. 

So I’d like to take this moment to explain how to properly spread information about a potentially dangerous person. Though, I’d like to make this very clear: I’m not saying this as someone whose done a lot of these as if its some kind of art form. I’m doing this from the perspective of someone who has seen the scum of the earth and know how they ensnare people, and hope to be able to spread awareness to potential victims. 

1. The Abuser

I feel like it is a no brainer to actually mention who the abuser is, but apparently thats difficult for some people to wrap their heads around. So often I will see purposeful misspellings or code names in callout posts to avoid causing drama. This is stupid for two reasons: Firstly, if it is at the point where you feel a callout post needs to be made for people’s safety, fandom drama should no longer be an issue. Secondly, if you don’t make it clear who it is you’re warning people about, how the fuck are they actually supposed to avoid them? Like, do you expect a 12 year old who is currently being gaslit by a pedophile to message you like ‘Hey, is @lle/////gory!!!334 Gregory? That kinda looked like his username but I couldn’t tell.’ Of course they’re not. They’re going to ask the person who is grooming them, who will either say ‘lol nah’ or make up a sob story as to why they’re being defamed. Grow a pair and use their names. 

It is very likely that the abuser will have more then one account, you’ll probably need to list all of them that you’re aware of, but know that the minute they see a post with their current name on it they’re probably going to change it. So, mention very clearly who they are, what circles they can be found in, and how they amassed enough popularity to trap victims in the first place. 

This callout post that I saw, which I will now be using as a reference for what not to do, managed to list the abuser’s various names but pretty much nothing else about them. All it said was that they were apparently the origin of some meme, but didn’t even explicitly say what the meme was so I had no idea if I even knew this person or not. I didn’t know if they were a fandom blog, an art blog, a social justice blog, a youtuber, the only context I could draw was from the fandom-specific usernames of their victims. If they changed their name, which they probably did right away, I would have no way of telling who this person was. 

Include screenshots of any of their posts with a lot of notes and listing this as identification for who they are. Also explicitly mention what circles they can be found in, any projects they were involved with, and any other iconography that can be associated with them. However, there is something I’d like to stress:

Do not include leaked personal information such as home address, workplace, or emails. It is not your authority to broadcast this information online. A callout post is not a legal testimony, merely a warning to other internet users within a community. If alerting the authorities is necessary, it is a different process to be handled by the victims and their supporters. Do not attempt to intervene through a social media. 

If you don’t want to receive hate from an army of stans thats understandable, which is why many people often will make a blog where victims can anonymously offer evidence. In fact, I suggest doing this as a first resort as it is easier to search “_____ problematic” into Tumblr then it is to scour a personal blog for mention of the abuser. This will also provide a handy archive for the allegations, and help keep up with the abuser’s activity. However, for legitimacy’s sake, I suggest that the mod’s identities of these blogs be clear. This leads us to my next point:

2. The Evidence

This is actually my primary reason for wanting to make this. The stuff mentioned above delegitimises accusations but isn’t really dangerous the same way a shoddy presentation of evidence can be. Someone who has been thoroughly brainwashed by the abuse cycle will look for any reason to continue a relationship with their abuser. They’ve likely been isolated from their friends, groomed to worship or fear their abuser, and are so drained from a volatile relationship that they don’t have the mental energy to waste on doubt. It takes a lot of strength to end even a good relationship, thats why abusers try to keep their victims drained and confused. They make them think it is easier to continue being abused then try to untangle the lies and manipulation. 

That is why you need to be explicit, blunt, and vocal about what the abuser has done. Put the most serious and unforgivable accusations at near top of your post in clear view. Try not to rely too heavily on accusations that dont have concrete evidence, as the abuser has probably already explained away anything you don’t have in writing. 

I am going to once again revisit the terrible callout post from before. The first thing they did was the usual attention grabbing intro with the paragraph pretending to tell us who this person is was to list a bunch of testimonies from various users.

Now, testimonies don’t really work over tumblr in a traditional sense. In a courtroom a testimony is given under oath, all the words spoken must be presumed to be true because the speaker understands that lying is a federal offence. Obviously the internet is not like this, and there is nothing stopping someone with a blog from lying. Not to mention, if they had been in the abuser’s circle in the past but is now flinging accusations, it is safe to say they didn’t leave on the best of terms. Abusers are famously unable to take responsibility for their relationships falling apart, odds are everyone in the abuser’s circle convinces their latest victim that all previous victims were in the wrong. 

I spoke with a friend who briefly joined the public discord of a known abuser to see what it was like, and showed me the rules specifically prohibiting anyone on the server to discuss allegations towards the mods. There was even a list of names that the bot would automatically block if you tried to type them in the chat log, and the mods had this witch hunt mentality where if they found evidence of you conversing with blacklisted users outside the discord, you would be banned and your name would be added to the list. It is very likely that the act of reading a testimony and asking about it could place a victim in danger. 

However, there is value to a testimony online if there are more then one. Testimonies are really only effective if there are an abundance of them, so many that you don’t even have to read one, the sheer volume of people speaking out against the abuser is suspicious enough on its own. Again, the presence of a blog that allows anonymous asks or submissions would be the ideal platform to publish testimonies.

Back at the terrible callout post, underneath the list of testimonies they had some bullet points of direct evidence that they linked directly back to the abusers blog. You should not do this. I cannot believe there are people who do not realise it is largely worthless to use posts that the abuser still has access to as a source. 

If you have even a remotely functional following anywhere on the internet you have probably said something stupid that bit you in the ass before. Your immediate reaction was probably to defend yourself, and when that failed, you go back and delete the post. Abusers can do the same thing, or, even more insidious, edit the post to say something else. 

“_____ fetishises black women! here is the link!” can originally have linked to something explicit but can easily be changed to “I think black women are beautiful and deserve our support <3 <3″ to make the writer of the callout post look stupid or overzealous. 

Screenshots are your friends. Take screenshots of the concerning behaviour and either include them in the post or link to a photo sharing archive. There’s really not much to explain about this. I cannot believe someone thought linking back to the original url would work. 

Another thing I cannot believe about that terrible callout post was that half of the accusations linked to posts of people repeating rumours they’ve heard. 

This is...dumb. This is unsalvageable. Don’t to this. It will never count and you will look like an idiot. 

However that terrible awful worthless callout post did have SOME credible evidence, to shit that didn’t matter at all, which leads us to our last point. 

3. The Abuse

Now this part is hard to discuss as most people seem to think abuse is a subjective term. This is not the case. 

While abuse can take shape in an infinite number of ways, not all stuff that pisses you off counts as abuse. Sometimes a jerk is just a jerk. Now you can hate a jerk as much as you want- they probably deserve it, but don’t try to sell someone just being a generally awful person as abuse.  

The terrible awful no good callout post tried to back up claims of criminal activity by saying the abuser cares more about Doctor Who than Flint Michigan. 

This is not abuse. Why would anyone think this is abuse. 

Now, if I have a blog devoted to a fandom I’m probably not going to post stuff about Flint Michigan to that blog. As stated above, I had no idea who this person was. For all I know they could have been exclusively a fanblog for Doctor Who. Sometimes there are just spaces that are kept away from serious real world issues and that in itself is not a crime. 

Trying to equate something like that to an act of sexual assault only makes it easier to dismiss your legitimate concerns by saying: ‘they’re just hating on me for being cringy’

There are millions of reasons why someone might not want to keep up with real world social activism on their blog, and those are a million reasons the abuser will use to invalidate your legitimacy. 

But hey, if that sort of thing annoys you, I totally get that. Go ahead and block this person, campaign against them, blacklist their stuff, encourage your friends to do the same. I’ve blocked people for less, just dont call it abuse. 

Now there is actual fan content that is means for legitimate concern. If the person consistently praises or creates content of abusive scenarios, its a red flag. If a person consistently defends incest or pedophilia, its a red flag. If a person bullies someone else for being ‘triggered’ over Flint Michigan, its a red fucking flag. 

The problem isn’t the art or the content or the blog type, but the mentality behind those things. Liking Doctor who isnt a problem. Liking the idea of Doctor Who having sex with his own daughter is. Avoiding current events isnt a problem. Trying to bully activists into silence is. You need to include that context to be taken seriously. 

Chat logs are your friend. Get the permission of victims to post, anonymously or otherwise, chatlogs of concerning behaviour. Try to focus on patterns to show a potential victim that the tactics used to insnare them have been used on other people before. Highlight instances of an abuser being sweet, (The Honeymoon Phase) as well as how quickly they devolve into abuse. 

In Conclusion

I’ve probably turned a lot of people off with this big dumb rant about something as petty as a callout post, and to those people I say: Good. If you’ve never been in a position to need this kind of thing then that is good. I’m not being facetious here, or implying you don’t know what you’re talking about just because you disagree with me, a callout post is really a last ditch effort to warn others that someone can construct in the aftermath of their ordeal. Pretty much everything I’ve mentioned relies on the willingness for victims to come forward, which I totally understand if they dont want to.

It is not my intention to bully others into sharing traumatic memories over the internet, but rather to make sure that anyone who does speak out wont become a target for harassment. At the end of the day, these are just posts floating around on tumblr. All you can ever hope is for someone to see your warning and stay away from the person who hurt you. Perhaps even draw the attention of other victims and help them process what has happened to them. 

But baseless claims and petty squabbles aren’t how you do that. Abuse should be taken seriously, and there is a large difference between someone Problematic and an actual Abuser. 

[delacruzlynn]

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My Cat Just Started Peeing In The House

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Cat Spraying Indoors

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