#cant decide what to spend my art energy on today (again!)

[spearxwind]

The urge to draw eels kissing vs the urge to draw eels being ominous as fuck in the water

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

The Intern | Part Eight

Series Summary: You move to New York to focus on your art but end up working as an intern at Stark Enterprises

Chapter Summary: as you're getting to grips with your new life after the serum, Tony decides you need a break

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader, Steve Rogers x reader (platonic)

Word Count: 1707

Warnings: things get a little hot at the end...

A/N: this story does not follow the same timeline as the movies. Also, spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :) if you want to be added to the taglist please drop me a message in my ask box

Part Seven | Masterlist

- - - - - 

Its been a few days since you took the rest of the serum and you’ve just about got to grips with your new strength. It’s been difficult. Not only were you getting used to being a lot stronger, you also found your senses were heightened. Smells, sounds, lights were all so much more stronger, louder and brighter now. Occasionally you found it all a bit overwhelming and would have to retreat to the quiet dark space that is your room. 

You found it difficult to sleep at night. You had a lot more energy now but no way of expending it so when you get in to bed at night you just lie there staring at the ceiling until you eventually drift of. Or you would wonder around the compound in the early hours, exploring. One night you found Steve sitting by himself in the living area. 

“what are you doing up so late?” You ask as you walk into the room, pulling Steve from his thoughts.

“I could ask you the same thing”

“yeah but, I asked first” you respond with a smile as you sit on the sofa opposite him. 

“just cant sleep, too much to think about right now” 

You nod your head in agreement. 

“with everything you’ve been through lately your head must be spinning” He changes the subject, trying to shift attention onto you.

“you could say that” you smile weakly.

“want to talk about it?” He asks. 

“I hope you don't mind me asking this but uh, how did you feel? After the whole, ‘super soldier serum’ thing. Did you still think of yourself as the same person you were before? Or was pre-serum Steve a completely separate person?” 

Steve looks at you for a moment, thinking.

“I don't know. I guess, physically I was different but mentally, I was still the same person. But now looking back, I’m completely different to who I was before. And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

You look at him confused. 

“what I’m trying to say is; although what happened to you wasn’t good, that doesn’t mean it has to be bad. And you can still be the same person while also being different. Does that make sense?”

“not really” you say, laughing slightly “but not a lot does these days”

The two of you spend a while chatting, Steve telling you about his days in the war until finally you start to yawn and he insists that you should both so to sleep. 

— — — — 

Today was your first day back in training with Natasha. You were slightly nervous after what happened last time but Nat assured you she could handle it, and by the end of the session you felt a lot more comfortable that you were in control of your new strength. After training you went back to your room for a shower and change of clothes. As you were searching the closet for something to wear you hear a knock at the door.

“come in” you shout.

“hey y/n just came to see- oh shit” Tony stop suddenly when he sees you in your bath robe, he turns away shielding his eyes embarrassed “sorry, I didn’t realise…”

“Tony it’s fine” you laugh “it’s not like I’m naked or anything”

“shame” Tony mutters under his breath and you pretend not to hear “well you better get some clothes on quick, we’re going out”

“what? where?” You ask, walking out of the closet to meet Tony

“its a surprise” he smiles “just get dressed and meet me downstairs when you're ready” 

He leaves you alone and you quickly throw on some clothes and dry your hair. You almost run down to the front door where Tony is waiting for you. He holds his arm out and you link yours around it. He walks you out to the car and opens the passenger door for you to get in before walking around to the drivers side and getting himself in. 

“wait, you’re driving? Where’s Happy?” You ask

“I gave him the day off, today its just you and me” he smiles, putting his sunglasses on and starting the car. He presses a button on the radio and an AC/DC song plays through the speakers. 

During the journey you try to find out from him where you are going but he won’t tell you. After about half an hour you feel your eyes getting heavy, staying up late last night and having to get up early this morning for training clearly made you tired. You give in and let yourself drift off to sleep. 

You wake up when you feel the car come to a stop and Tony gently puts his hand on your shoulder. 

“surprise” he says happily as you look through the window and instantly recognise where you are. 

You're at the beach you used to go to as a kid, the one from the painting in your apartment. You cant believe Tony remembered, and actually found the beach. You feel your eyes well up slightly.

“Tony-“ you whisper but you cant find the words. 

Tony reaches behind your seat and pulls out a basket. 

“I made us a picnic. Things have been a bit stressful lately, I thought it would be nice to just have fun and relax.”

“this is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you” 

Tony just smiles at you. 

You make your way down to the beach and Tony sets out a blanket for you both to sit on. 

“did you really make this yourself?” You ask, taking a bite of a sandwich. 

“yes!” He replies and you raise your eyebrows at him. “okay Vision helped, but I did make it! He mostly just watched to make sure I didn’t set fire to anything”

“wait, how can you set fire to a sandwich?” You ask laughing. 

“you’d be surprised the things I’ve set fire to…”

After you’ve eaten the surprisingly nice food Tony made for you he takes your hand and walks you down to the edge of the sea. The beach is empty apart from the two of you so you don't have to worry about leaving your stuff on the sand. You stand and watch as the waves of the sea wash over your feet, taking you back to memories from your childhood of doing the same thing. You’ve always loved the feeling of the sea and sand in your toes. 

You feel a splash of water hit you as Tony kicks water playfully at you, pulling your attention back to him. You gasp and kick water back which starts a full on water fight. You run towards Tony with the intention of splashing him but trip over your own feet and fall into him, knocking him down. He grabs you as he falls, pulling you down with him onto the sand. You both burst out laughing and you realise that you haven’t laughed this much in a long time. You look down at Tony lying under you and your heart flutters when his eyes meet yours. Without hesitation you lean in and kiss him and he kisses you back deeply, his arms around you hugging you tightly like he’s afraid to let you go. Suddenly a massive wave crashes over you, soaking you both as you squeal and laugh. You both get up and head back to the your little picnic area where Tony pulls a towel from a bag and wraps it around your shoulders. He sits down next to you and you rest your head on his shoulder. The two of you sit in silence watching the sunset over the sea, just like how you painted it. 

— — — — 

When you arrive back at the compound you're tired from the long journey so Tony walks you up to your room. When you reach the door he stops and you turn around to look at him. 

“well, goodnight then” he says and goes to leave.

“Tony!” You call and he stops “do you maybe wanna come in?” You ask, suddenly feeling shy. 

“are you sure?” He replies, not wanting to seem eager. You smile and nod. He smiles back and walks into your room. You sit together on your bed and talk for a while.

“thank you so much for today” 

“you don't have to thank me” Tony replies

“no, I mean it. I really needed that today. You know after everything thats happened, it was so nice to get away from everything and just be normal for a while. I loved it” you pause, afraid of how he’s going to react to what you say next “and I love you” you finally say, watching his facial expressions but he just stares into your eyes like he searching for something. His hand reaches the side of your face and he pulls you in close to him. Your lips meet. It’s different than any other time, there’s more passion now. He carefully leans you back till you're lying under him, his tongue finding his way into your mouth. He pulls away and looks deeply into your eyes. 

“I love you too y/n” he says before kissing you again, trailing down onto your neck causing a small moan to escape your lips. Your hands start exploring his body and you begin to lift his shirt up. He sits up to allow you to pull it up over his head and throw it to the floor. You run your hand over his chest, trailing a finger over the small blue glowing plate over his heart. He puts his hand over yours. 

“Does this bother you?” He asks, almost looking embarrassed by it.

“This keeps you alive?” You reply and he nods.

“then I think it’s amazing. If it’s a part of you, how could I not love it” you smile and plant a kiss on his chest, trailing kisses up his jawline and back to his lips as you start unbuckling his belt.

As your kisses get even more passionate your clothes end up thrown all over the room as the two of you fall back down into bed together. 

One thing was for sure, you slept great that night. 

part nine

Taglist: @brownbuble​, @shookie-shookie​, @thebuckysoldier​, @chai–chae​, @ilovespideyyy​, @sunflowers-and-snowdrops​

[theblondegoesabroad]

Day 582 and 583

Saturday 4th September 2021

Today was a big day, so I guess I have a lot of writing a head of me! Once again, Benoit headed off to class today to spend the day in lectures, and learning, honestly it is tough, working full time and studying and spending your weekends locked in a lecture theatre, not the best way to spend the weekend. This morning I got up, had a tea with Benoit and then got ready for my day in Brussels with Joelle and Marie. Everyone arrived around 9am, I showed them the apartment and then Joelle and Paul headed to a friends mums funeral for the morning (which was in Brussels) and Marie and I headed out in search of coffee. We walked around aimlessly for a bit before finding a cute café with a comfy couch, we claimed the couch, ordered some yummy coffees and cakes. We splashed out and got a lemon tart and a carrot cake. Unfortunately the lemon tart wasn’t the best but the carrot cake was delicious and made me want to make one. We ended up chatting for like three hours and by the time Joelle was free, it was pretty much time for lunch. We booked a brunch at a recommended Mediterranean place, Marie and I weren’t too hunger after our morning tea, but it was a nice little place, the food was all delicious, although a bit pricely and small if you ask me. I guess that is the trouble when you don’t know the city you have to take a stab in the dark about where to eat, always a risk! After lunch we headed to the famous Belgian architects house, Horta. He is known for using light and capturing movement in design. And honestly he is pretty incredible. All this forms and designed are inspired by nature and in the art deco movement, it was stunning. Unfortunately, no photos are allowed in the house, so I cant show you, and I wish I could because I certainly cant describe it. I think there were about five stories of beautiful decorated rooms, little staircases everywhere, and so much light. The house was a stuck together house, you know, where two of the walls are shared with the house next door, but the way in which the house was designed you wouldn’t know it, you would think that there were four walls which let the light it, it was truly incredible. And the wall papers and furniture designs, everything drawn up my Horta is stunning. He makes forged steel look soft and flowing.. I will try find some photos online! After our visit, we headed to the grand place once again for me, to show marie and then they jumped back on the train and I headed back to the apartment to rest my tired legs for a bit! A day exploring wears you out! When Benoit got back home, he was keen to go climbing so we walked to the climbing gym, it took a bit longer than expected, and I was dead, I had walked 27km today, so needless to say I didn’t really feel like doing more sport! But Benoit was keen so he used up all his energy bouldering. The gym was new and really well laid out, and it was neat to go to a new spot. After a quick session, intense for Benoit, tiring for me, we decided to try to electric scooter home, saved up like 30 minutes of walking, but on the cobble stones, it wasn’t the most comfortable ride! Just before we got home we grabbed a bite to eat and then headed to bed!

Sunday 5th September 2021

Another big day today, but slightly less packed for me, and just as tiring on the brain for Benoit. Once again this morning, he headed off early to his course, and I after figuring out what I wanted to do for the day, I slowly got myself organised. I found a café near me that looked nice so headed there for a coffee and cake for breakfast. I took my kindle and found a nice comfy chair to spend my morning in! After my revitalising coffee, I headed off in search of the music museum, which was also in a building designed by Horta. It was a neat museum with all the history of the different musical instruments through the ages, with an audio guide so you could listen to all the instruments too, quite neat and a good way to spend some time. I was then out of things to do so decided to once again wander around the centre and check things out, seeing as I am doing one year without buying clothes, no shopping for me, only window shopping! By 3pm, I had had enough walking, and missed my adventure buddy, so headed back to the apartment to relax for a bit. When Benoit got home, we were both tired and didn’t really have a plan as to what to do so instead headed home to get ready for the week ahead of us! Not the most exciting but seeing as it is an hour and a half to get home, it was probably the most practical! We got home, I threw on the washing, we got clean and fell into bed, what a big weekend. Exciting adventuring for me, and mentally exhausting but stimulating for Benoit, looking forward to the days when we can both adventure together!

Love Kate xxx

[thinktwice222]

It’s been a while

And you haven’t changed.  Just kidding, I don’t know who you are, so who knows if you have changed or not.  Is nothing still nothing, some might presume, yes, in fact it is. Climbing down from my podium now.

What’s up with direct eye contact? Has it ever needed to be a thing?

So anyways, I have been extruding art lately.  I was thinking about drawing a little fun glyph.  Glyph is not the right word but it seems right. Glyph is representative of an action.  At least that’s what I think of in my mind.  Have you ever thought about how Egyptian glyphs , well not even, we don’t need to go that far back.  The chinese alphabet is much more complex.  You know why english sucks?  the same 26 letters you use to form all the emotions you can have in the world.  Now, you can be as smart as how many words you know to express that rainbow of a personality, or you can rely heavily on tonal changes. implications, sub context, subtext. Whatever it is.  You wanna know how to miscommunicate?  Speak the English language and have a small daily vocabulary. 

That was a weird topic, but on here I try not to limit myself to anything. especially weird rants.  I’m really self conscious about my point of view on things, because there is no where to express it or have a valid space to get your brain sorted or work through biased opinions.  

Someone the other day was struggling with spelling.  I knew where they were at, and still am sheepish when I go to right a word more times than not..  That didn’t stop me from projecting my voice of authority to spell out sandwich, which at one point I definitely had a uphill battle with.  I hope they cared more about the figuring of sandwich over my indirect communication of the spelling by spelling out over people.  It’s the answer to the question, lets just hope that it was not unacceptable.

I smoked a fair amount again today. Im not sure what a fair amount its, but its when I decide its too much.  The highs aren’t that great all the time, and some have made me more than ancy.  I’ll probably soon concider the implications of long term smoke and how to make it a viable interaction while I still can enjoy the experience.  Or get a bong, jk, I have been reading dan harmon’s saved myspace entries.  Its the mid 2000s for more than a few years.  He’s really brash, and I’m jealous of his aptness to put whatever he feels, just a straight up journal to people he knows.  I want to get there at one point, rip the bandaid off.  I don’t want secrets,  well, I don’t need them.  

Don’t you love when you realize that a shirt of yours has a distinctive smell?  like a smell that is super comforting?  my shirts like that right now.  It’s kind of a salty and sweet smell.  Makes me think that maybe if I just swam in the ocean more often (jk again cause I live in Baltimore) that it’d magically turn my anxiety b.o. into something wonderful.  I’ll still give it a try at one point.

I can’t wait till I can have an apartment of my own.  I would also like a 50 l. bag of salt next to my bath. I would have a tub.  

Everyone should write more, meaning I should right more.....write more... my spelling mistakes are funny, usually putting an extra voul, or tradeing some hard or soft concenents.  I’m leaving that sentence as is just to give my spelling a good bow.  Yes brain, we know that you see spelling as a social construct that encourages policing and gets rid of regional dialect with the over tones of being poor and uneducated.  I almost spellchecked my kudos sentence.  I should maybe read more, but maybe its tension headaches that keep me away.  Well my eyes never want to focus on much.  

to smoke or to not smoke. smoke. I got to pack some new stuff in there too.  Not sure How discrete I need to be in this day and age but I’m pretty sure I have been open about those habits, or will be at one point in the future. 

What else.  music session got pushed again.  Wednesday now, really I’m over caring and my brain has been able to decide i’d buy a new drum set if anything happen, no problem.  I’m glad I have been semi responsible with my money, even though I have been pretty reckless with it.  But money is for spending, and I think I have gotten to the point were I am going to have a good understanding of money and its value in my life.  but first art.  I hate all these big backspaces between the paragraphs, It makes my thoughts, although separate, way to separate.  Like English channel separate.  Each new paragraph, you get a new country.  And new spellings, I don’t like to look up from the keyboard while poking all my keys.  My muscle memory will at one point return and maybe Ill just end up typing with my eyes closed.  Now wouldn’t that be the absolute dream. communication without having to use your damn eyes, obviously I have a thing against them. I type weird anyways. kinda like some weird long tendrilled vermin. or demon. another sentence full of verbal disbelief, I mean I cant spell at all.  People say home keys help but I don’t think that’s the way, every way has the alternative, I need what ever the opposite of home key standard is.  The android to the apple. Give me that sweet sweet alternative culture. Is there a style thats good for soul? like you know the music, that style but in expressive dance or gesture...... or typewriting.  It’s like how to use a hammer to expediently and save energy, you use your whole arm in the swing, directing with the shoulder. Or how you paint with your whole arm.  

New space. new country. I love rambling, maybe this is where my rambles will live. somewhere in the limbo of total existence and lack there of 

[maximus31]

As I land in Medellín after the quick 45 minute journey from Bogotá my hangover of the year seems to be passing. Thank you Latam Airways for changing my seat to an exit seat at the gate.

There are two options to make the 45 minute journey from the airport to Medellín. The bus is 14,000cop / £3.70 and as expected had everyman and his wife, child and donkey are waiting in the queue; or a white airport taxi that is 75,000cop £19 with no queue.

Hangover not completely averted and the thought of the Hotel pool, I go for the taxi. Forty five minutes of pure hell, holding down the vomit with each turn and bend as we go up one side and down the other side of a mountain.

I finally arrive at my last attempt of luxury and check into the Dann Carlton Belfort 5 star. It would seem the higher the star, the lesser the trust. I paid for my 2 nights in full at check in and made it to my room, with a massive bed and a shower big enough for the Colombian football team I was happy.

Unfortunately this 5 star establishment doesn’t permit guests of guests unless details and passport documents are taken. So no football team for me. Instead I get room service, watch some columbian tv and crash. Obviously I checked out the local talent too 😜 via my orange local guide app.

It’s my first full day in Medellín and im excited about seeing the city, I had arranged to meet Olivia and Luke who were friends of friends from London at the museum of Modern Art.

Feeling a bit museum fatigued I decline to join them inside, so we caught up in the local park, where to my delight I am informed that all parks in Medellín have free wifi.  I wonder off and head into Poblado the epi centre for tourists and familiar myself with the surroundings. Already I am getting a completely different vibe to Bogotá, and I like it,  I like it a lot.

Evening arrives and I meet up with Olivia and Luke for food and drinks fresh from their kickstarter video, they fill me in on there fact finding mission about the Colombian narcos trade and the effects on the local community. The stuff you don’t hear on the walking tours.

Hearts and red balloons are everywhere, it turns out it’s Valentine’s Day, but Colombians are inclusive, in tell me its for friendship as well as love. The Bars and Restaurants around Parque lleras are packed with tourists and locals, you can feel the energy.  After dinner the guys decide to call it a night, but after quite a few margaritas I have the party spirit in me.

Sitting alone in a bar taking cover from the monsoon like rain pouring down outside, I check on my local guide app. Before I know it the guy on the next table has messaged me, so I message back. Turns out he can’t speak English and my Spanish was still to rocky to enter in conversation, so we translate using google.

I join him and his mates and go to the club upstairs for a dance. I meet a couple from New York and their friends and we dance and drink and dance and drink. Not content with our fill, we demand more from our local friends. Where to next we ask.

Six of us pile into the smallest taxi and head over the river to a bar/restaurant that was packed to the rafters (I cant remeber its name). A bottle of rum later (I hate rum) and few more hours of dancing I’m feeling woosey, and make my way back to the hotel at 8:30am. Suffice to say the next day was spent by the pool writing last weeks update.

Monday comes and so to does my first day at Spanish school, having decided to do three weeks of school while in Medellín. My poor tutor Hugo, I think he thought he was getting someone far more advanced.

It turns out the online tutorials of daily Duolingo hasn’t made me 30% fluent the lying son of a… but I’m determined and ready to learn. The El Dorado Spanish School in Envigado is great and at a great price. One on one, 3 hours a day, 4 days a week 320,000cop / £80.

By Thursday my brain is well and truly fried from all the new information and my frustration was getting the better of me. I needed some fun.

Through the free walking tour  of Medellín, which I might add is well worth doing to get to know your way around the city. You see first hand the struggles of the past and understand the amazing journey, from the most violent city in the world to the city it is today, open to anyone.

As you may have noticed when on organised tours I tend to get talking to people and make them my new traveling buddies. This tour was no different and my new buddies and I decided to go to a salsa club. For those of you that know me, you know I love to dance 💃.

Son Havana was perfect, full of locals dancing salsa to a live salsa band. Sylvia my new Dutch friend showed me the main salsa steps and before I knew it my hips and legs were moving in time. I loved it and can’t wait to do it again.

Talk of paragliding the previous night turned into seven of us actually heading up to the top of Medellín, strapping up and taking the plunge. I can honestly say I have never been so at peace, being 3500m in the air, with birds flying below and no sound other than the wind whistling past your ears, an truly amazing experience. I can see why the instructor is happy to make 36 trips in one day. It is an experience not to be missed. 145,000cop £36 or 165,000 cop £45 with an SD card for videos. We used Zona de Vuelo, but there are a few outfits that can be used that take off form the same place.

DCIM955GOPRO

DCIM955GOPRO

Saturday like for so many in the world is a day for football, and no where more so than in Colombia are they mad for it. Me on the other hand, only ever watches England play in the Euro or World cups and thats normally only a maximum of four games, as they tend to get knocked out by some other country quite early on.

Fast forward and it’s 4pm in the stadium, I’m wearing my newly purchased Medelliín home shirt (my first ever), standing on the seats with 20 or so other foreign travellers and 16,000 Medellín supporters.

The atmosphere and passion was electric, with their own brass band in the terrace and 16,000 fans singing chants at the tops of their voices, jumping up and down on their seats, it was like nothing else I had witnessed before. Within 10 minutes a spectator was stretched off by an ambulance crew, due to falling from the upper terrace from too much excitement.

The Medellín fans put a lot of time into creating the chants, a shame the players didn’t spend as much time on their game. They just didn’t know how run forward or kick into the box. When the away team scored, there was and eerie silence, as only home team fans can spectate in Colombia. So after the second goal scored by the away team, the chanting and stamping got louder and finally Medellín scored with 6 minutes to full time. Sadly not enough to win.

One thing I have learnt about Colombians and especially Paisan´s, is that they are full of optimism and will celebrate the smallest of wins, especially in the hardest of times. This mentality has certainly proved to serve Medellín very well.

Its Saturday night and I have been invited to a BBQ by the friends of one of my local guides Kevin. We turn up to what can only be described as one of the best penthouse apartments ever. It’s has everything, the view, the cinema , the jacuzzi; oh and racing pigeons.

As always I was made so welcome by the hosts and all their friends, it’s just the Colombian way. I think the giant bottle of aguardiente certainly helped.

Tales of Coloumbia cont… As I land in Medellín after the quick 45 minute journey from Bogotá my hangover of the year seems to be passing.

[kingsterracerp-blog]

Thank you for applying, CHARLOTTE. You have been accepted as PENELOPE MORAN. Just don’t forget to check out our CHECKLIST and send in your account within 24 HOURS. If you have any questions then let us know!

OUT OF CHARACTER.

NAME: charlotte AGE: 22. TIMEZONE: est ACTIVITY LEVEL: 7/10 i should be able to be online for an hour or hour + each day, I do work two jobs so some days or for some hours I might only have energy for chats/easy threading. PRONOUNS: she/her SHIPS: /chem. ANTI-SHIPS: /forced. TRIGGERS: Removed. PASSWORD: Removed. ANYTHING ELSE: Removed.

IN CHARACTER.

DESIRED CHARACTER: penelope rosa moran. NICKNAMES: penny, pen-pen, poppy (which she goes by.). AGE/BIRTH ORDER: 25. oldest twin. FACECLAIM: phoebe tonkin. GENDER IDENTITY/PRONOUNS: female, she/her pronouns. SEXUAL/ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: /pan HOMETOWN: Atlanta, Georgia. OCCUPATION/EDUCATION: BPD officer.

(MORE) IN CHARACTER.

POSITIVES: physically strong, motherly, determined. NEGATIVES: hot tempered, secretive, sarcastic.

@poppym: i feel like i would actually pay someone to pour coffee into my mouth this morning.. @poppym: jacob decided that he was ‘too old’ to hold mommies hand today, so i picked him up and threw em’ over my shoulder. #momoftheyear.. @poppym: i miss being pregnant, now whenever i eat pickles and frosting i get dirty looks. #fuckyou #itslegit..

BIOGRAPHY.

** TW DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, TW VIOLENCE, TW RAPE**

Life in foster homes was odd, watching as everyone you grow close to get adopted, get taken- and yet, you are still there it was something that Penelope knew from a young age. Growing up, she was alone, not counting her sibling, whom she clung onto in all times, every time- she went to school- got into fights after, and came home, it wasn’t until she was older that she’d try her best to take care of the kids that would come and go from the place. She figured no one deserved to feel as alone she did. Her foster parents were not the nicest people, they were the prime example of ones that used the system for money. So it was clear that the house was overpacked with kids, she would make sure all others were fed before herself, she’d steal good, clothing– she helped raise a lot of the children that came through the doors, even if she was a child herself. From the time she was able to obtain working papers, Poppy worked~ she started working at a diner in town at the age of 14, starting as a simple bus girl, then to a hostess and by the age of 16 she was a favorite waitress, one that people came back to see. Every bit of money she got she saved, only spending when she needed new clothing, things for school, she had dreams of leaving this place, leaving this home. One thing that most would not assume at a first glance was that Poppy has the strongest motherly instinct, she had always been one that wanted to take care of her ‘family’, whether it was prepping dinners every night, making sure all the kids were passing, that their laundry was done correctly, the house was cleaned, anything to take the pressure off her foster parents, she would do. The one thing she found her ‘fun’ in, was art- all her extra classes she had were ones that had something to do with art- mainly she likes to stick with painting. It’s not something she shows off so to speak, she uses it mainly as a relaxer.

Her 9th year did have it’s drawbacks- that was the year she found herself in her first serious relationship, she loved this man more than she had ever thought, he was the perfect guy in her eyes- he just.. he had a temper. At the time she thought she could fix him, that she could show him not everyone would let him down but at a point where she was asking for simple things as in times for work, if she could go to the bathroom when with him, where every day she’d be getting beaten, slapped, kicked, burned with cigarettes, used as just a means for sex and a punching bag, she decided enough was enough and tried to end the relationship as the middle of her Senior year started, about a month before Christmas. That ended horribly, he had simply told her that “If I can’t have you, we are going to make it so no man even does.” and the next thing she remembers is being knocked out, waking up at least 30 minutes later but now… now she has four straight- foot long cuts across her face. They all stayed on the left side of her face, the longest going from her cheek to the bottom of her jaw, and one going to the top of her mouth- she was now… as he put it, marked. The backlash from the accident was a whirlwind from her foster parents claiming she did this to them, that she ruined them because she did something that could reflect badly upon them, to the school placing blame on her, saying if it was so bad, why didn’t she leave early- that she liked it– she’s heard it all. Beth wasn’t someone that liked to take pity on herself, but as she was a senior in high school, two weeks before graduating, she found out she was pregnant. In the bathroom between the Lit hall and Science wing, she found out she was pregnant. To this day, her foster parents do not have an idea of her son, of her life she’d make for them. She thought about abortion, adoption, but that February night, 19 years old, Penelope for the first time in her life fell in love. Jacob Giovanni Moran was born February 14th, and from that moment on, Poppy’s life wasn’t just hers anymore.

The day she graduated high school, that night at the age of 18 she was packed and traveled to Boston- she needed a new start- somewhere where she didn’t have a ‘name on the streets’, where people didn’t know her, didn’t know her past, and this was the perfect opportunity for her. By the time she was 23, she had been boxing for 4 years, obtained her black belt, and was skilled in hand to hand combat, she made a point in getting stronger, used what happened to her with Peter as fuel. She never wanted to feel that weak ever again. The first week she was in New York, she started MMA training classes and those guys there, the people at the gym, are some of her closest friends- and she is one of the most respected fighters they’ve had. Poppy gets a pleasure of being able to take men to the floor, to see that her body is strong enough and it can do exactly that- it makes her happy. She has her demons though, there are some days she can’t handle to be touched, they happen every few months- where she gets rather off put but the simple act of a touch, and if a victim of night terrors, daily nightmares. Her life in Boston, it was so much better, she made a family within herself, with the police department, with the guys at the gym, her son was so loved– he had enough aunts and uncles to make anyone jealous. Balancing it all with a child was hard, but she made it through, she was able to face the world with just her and her cub.

One thing she always will be is a protector, a fighter- that is something that will never leave her, and she’s sure that it’s a good thing, she never wants to go back to feeling weak, She has a very thick skin, protective walls, but she now as an adult, has finally opened part of herself up to people, to let herself be happy, and for how long it took, she doesn’t have time to be anything but okay. The thing she takes the most pride in is her career, as a BPD, a police officer, someone that speaks to the youth of the dangers of abuse– to go to high schools, colleges, workshops and share her story it’s nothing she thought she’d ever be able to do. But it’s all hidden by her touch exterior, she uses it as a means to protect herself, she never wanted to feel as week as she did those 4 years she was nothing but. Poppy is devoting her life to be strong, to use that strength to protect those that cant. She lives her life for the future of her son, she wants to shape herself into someone he is proud to call his mother.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH? HOW DOES IT COME IN HANDY?

Just that, fucking strength– it’s all find and dandy having that mouth, that some see as strength with words, but there is nothing that beats the physical. Being a physically strong person gives you an independence no one would ever imagine; it comes in handy in my career. I was one of the only woman that graduated with my class, you gotta be tougher than the guys, it’s the only way they;ll respect you. Also, nothing says a ‘shut the fuck up’ like a knee to the face, you’d be surprised– it comes in handy.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS? HOW DOES IT AFFECT YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE?

The ‘I don’t care’ attitude I tend to have, while it’s all fine and dandy to be a boss ass bitch; sometimes that bitch needs to cry, and when you think that’s weak, that’s a whole bunch of unsolved emotions that are gonna bit that ass.

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN TEN YEARS?

A mother to a teenager and slowly losing my mind, probably.

WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO KING’S TERRACE?

New faces, new chances, all that cliche shit.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND TELL YOUR YOUNGER SELF SOMETHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Stop being a fucking mother at 8 years old and be a fucking kid– no 8 year old should be starving just to keep others fed, should be stealing to get mouths fed, they should be a fucking kid. Oh and for your teenage self, don’t work 10-13 hour days ontop of school, one that’s illegal and two, get some damn sleep- stop fighting random people, get your stupid color pencils and draw a sun or some shit like that. Don’t get involved with someone that’s gonna fuck you right on up, dump his ass.