#cause i am already weak for sweets when im a normal state of mind

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

went to the fair with my mom and my aunt and spent almost the whole three hours having some sort of (depressive? dissociative?) episode cause it was super loud and i was very over stimulated

[ladecena]

MY BRIGHTEST STAR🌌🌠

May 14,2020

11:15 pm

There are 45 minutes before my birthday. I got out of bed, holding my phone, because I couldn’t sleep no matter what I did.

I slowly opened the door and tiptoed out of my bed, taking care not to let it creak. Everyone in the house is still sleeping, so I can’t make any noises that would wake them up. Since my throats were dry and I needed to remain hydrated, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. After all, I can’t be dehydrated because I’m supposed to be hydrated all the time.

I walked out of the house wearing my oversized T-shirt and night shorts, leaving my glass on the counter. Since there were some torches, the whole subdivision was quiet and dim. The sky was lovely, but the boy who had just entered with his silver bicycle was even more so. I told myself, “Shut up, all boys are gorgeous.”

“Are you ready?” Miguel stated as he brushed his long, silky golden hair back with his lovely fingers. I grinned and walked over to my pink bicycle in the garage. “Where is your gear?”

“Where is your gear?” I questioned as well after noticing that he had not brought his. He squinted and raised one of his thick brows. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Especially because you’re here with me.

His lips curled into an endearing grin, exposing his charming dimples. I got on my bike and pedaled down the road first, hoping he’d be close behind.

The cool night breeze caressed my face and caused my hair to fly, making me happy. I took a left and later realized Miguel was standing right next to me. He hasn’t changed since I first saw him with his hair flying and his aesthetic dark eyes. He is still the boy I loved and admired, still admire, and will still genuinely love.

11:30 pm

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” Just don’t breath—“

“Do you want me to die horribly?” When my eyes accidentally went down, I exclaimed. I screamed and turned away, my eyes closed. Miguel sighed and his hands rested on my shoulders, which helped me relax a little. Only a little bit. I’m in a panic, crap.

“What I mean is, don’t breathe too quickly; instead, breathe slowly. Exhale slowly after taking a deep breath, then repeat. I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to die, okay?” He said calmly, which made me feel bad for screaming at him while he was simply trying to help me from panicking.

I followed his instructions and, to my surprise, it succeeded. When Miguel wrapped his handkerchief around my knee to cover the cut, I slowly opened my eyes and yelped in the quietest way possible. When he kissed it after tying it, I bit my lip and felt my face flush. He got up and extended his hand to me, which I gladly accepted.

“Are you all right now?”

“Thank you very much, Miguel.”   I smiled, and he smiled even more. God, I love that face.

“Oh, if you weren’t so stubborn, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.” He said it with a little frown on his face, which made me laugh because he’s so sweet when he’s upset.

“If you hadn’t been there, I would have passed out in the middle of the road right now, but I’m still standing and breathing.” As I smiled, his frown vanished, and all he did was shake his head before walking to get his bike.

 “You’re stubborn as hell. As he grasped the handlebars of his bike, he uttered. “Instead, let’s go for a stroll.”

“If I’m right, give me 500 pesos.” Your favorite shirt right now is the blackpink t-shirt I gave you.” Miguel muttered something and smirked as he looked at me and the path we were walking on.

“Wrong my favorite shirt is the other black pink t-shirt which I bought last Saturday. “I confidently replied and smirked back at him. Aw, you don’t love me anymore?” he pouted and gave me that cute puppy look. My weakness.

“oh my gosh, stop that. You look like an idiot.” Yes I’m a great liar.

“ugh, darn it.” He huffed and continued walking, which made me chuckled because of his cuteness.

It became quiet after. Enjoying the peaceful and satisfying cold wind with each other’s company was already enough.

I know in my heart that he has a problem but he didn’t want to share it with me and I respect his decision.

“ Has the thought of leaving me ever cross your mind?” I asked out of nowhere to cut the silence while we’re walking down the silent road with our bikes.

“Yep.” I pouted and glared at him immediately when he said but he just laughed. That hurt right into my heart. “ What, if I am be pooping, you wanna watch?”

“Gross, of course not.” I cringed which made him laugh harder. His laugh is annoying but also cute but its pissing me off but I still love it.

“How about you? Ever thought of leaving this handsome boy?” he raised his eyebrows up and down while staring at me, waiting for my answer.

“I don’t wanna promise that I won’t because we never know what will happen in the future but I assure you that no matter what happens, even if the worlds screwed up, we’re screwed up, I will always stay with you.” Miguel stopped walking so I did too and looked at him. He smiled at me before starting to walk again.

His smile didn’t reach his eyes.

11:45 pm

“Don’t go yet.” I whined quietly while softly pulling the sleeve of his hoodie. I know that its late and he might be tired but I wanna be selfish even just for now.

“Alright then, my princess.” Miguel smiled and pulled my hand going inside our house silently. Miguel being Miguel, he didn’t make the slightest noise even in closing closing the door. It was dark but with Miguel’s hand holding mine, I know that I shouldn’t be afraid.

When we reach my bedroom, he gently pushed me inside and slowly pushed the door behind him while his sexy dark eyes were staring into my soul, dominating me. He took little steps going towards me, not cutting eye contact, and as if I’m frozen, I stood still staring back into his beautiful dark grey eyes until I could feel and smell his strawberry scented breath.

“Let’s go stargaze even if I know to myself that gazing at you is better.” He huskily uttered before smiling and pulling my hand to go out the window. He assisted me to climb up the roof carefully before he followed.

He gently guided me to a spot between his legs where I could sit comfortably. As his arms wrapped around me and his big hands devoured my tiny hands, I laid my back on his chest.

Nothing beats sitting on the roof with the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, gazing at thousands of sparkling stars in the midnight sky, which isn’t quite midnight yet, but let’s call it that anyway.

 “Did you know that the sun is a star?” Miguel said as he rested his chin on my left shoulder. Our eyes glued on the sky full of stars above us. 

“uh-huh.”

“Personally, I think that stars don’t appear only at night because if it only appears in the darkness, the isn’t it unfair that it doesn’t appear during bright days?” he said in a serious expression which made me laugh a bit. 

“That doesn’t make any sense. And the sun is a star because science shit.” I replied which made him laugh as well.

“Yeah I know, I didn’t know what to say so I just wasted my saliva for bullshit.” He said while chuckling because of his darkness. What he said didn’t really make sense but he’s still cute so never mind.

“but let me tell you something, my princess.” He sat properly so I faced him to give all of my attention.

“if all the stars disappears, that doesn’t mean that its over. Darkness is everywhere already. No, don’t forget that the moon is still there, there to light up the darkness. And it lights up the most. So don’t ever think that you’re alone and your life is pure darkness just because the stars disappears.” He smiled for a while before continuing.

“the stars will appear again. But they may not be the same stars from before again.”

11:55 pm

When I got tired of watching the stars above the sky. I faced Miguel.

Miguel had the same dark grey eyes. The same dark grey eyes I used to always stare at since when I was six. He had the same small nose. The same small nose I used to always poke when we were toddlers since it was cute. He had the same chubby and soft cheeks. The same cheeks I used to always squish whenever I’m ecstatic, annoyed, sad, or normal. He had the same sexy pinkish lips. The first same sexy pinkish lips I kissed when I was ten. He had the same long golden hair. The same long golden hair I used to braid or play with when im bored though I always envy his hair since its straight and silky more as hell than mine. And lastly, he had the same effect on me.

Only realizing it now, his face was only an inch away from mine. His deep breaths made me look hotter.

“Advance Happy Birthday, I love you my princess.” Miguel said.

I slowly shut my eyes as tears started forming in my eyes. Seconds have passed and sobs started to come out. I slowly opened my eyes to look at the time.

12:00 AM 

May 15, 2021

“It was all a dream” I told myself.

Miguel died because of the car accident. If only I hadn’t been selfish and let him go home that night, maybe he’s still with me right now celebrating my birthday.

It’s been exactly a year since my star vanished.

It’s just unfair that among billions of stars out there, he’s the one chosen to be vanished.

I held onto the shirt he gave me a year ago on my birthday while crying hard. It will never not be painful as hell.

His smile, his eyes, his dimples, his long golden hair, my Miguel that I will never get to see anymore.

“Wherever you are right now, I hope you’re happy.” I sobbed while looking above the sky full of stars. “I don’t do promises but I’m doing it now. I promise that I will continue living the nights with different stars. Only for you, baby. I miss you so much.

 - meng✨

June 09, 2021

[megalony]

You’re in trouble

This is a dad! Murderer! Ben Hardy imagine, I hope you will all like it, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem​ @butlegendsneverdie​ @langdonzvoid​ @jennyggggrrr​ @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​ @sj-thefan​ @omgitsearly​ @luckytrashgooprebel​ @scarsout​ @deaky-with-a-c​ @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac​ @vousmemanqueez​ @jonesyaddiction​ @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms​ @saint-hardy​ @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​ @mrsalwayswritex​ @rogerina-owns-me​ @peterquillzsblog​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @crazylittlethingg​

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Summary: While (Y/n) goes to work Ben looks after their four kids, but when one of them messes about, he gets punished.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ben, let him go." (Y/n) couldn't count the number of times she had said that over the years or how many different ways she had said it or the range of emotions she had felt whilst saying it. This time was almost the same as any other and there was only tiredness in her voice rather than fear or anger or terror.

When her eyes locked with her brash husband, his eyes were just as tired and fed up as her own but the way his lips were moulded into a thin line and the way his jaw locked showed he was not very happy.

"You tease him again I'll smack you."

(Y/n) couldn't help but roll her eyes at how easily that threat rolled off his tongue despite how mild it was in comparison to some of the other, rather vulgar things that could pass through his lips. She watched the way Ben dug his fingers just a little tighter into their eldest son's neck before releasing him and giving him a shove forward. It always amazed (Y/n) why Ben was so taken on having kids when his methods with them were far from normal and very unlike his own upbringing.

Ben enforced the same rules at home as he did when he was at work, if the kids stepped out of the lines Ben drew he would scare them back into place. Sometimes he was lenient and understanding, other times he made sure his threats were enough to stop them from messing about and he followed through with any threat he made. He was hands on in all departments and it surprised (Y/n) how attached the kids were to him despite his rather harsh exterior.

"He doesn't mean it." (Y/n) sighed when Owen hurried over to her and wrapped his arms around her even though both parents knew he wasn't afraid, he was just feeling sorry for himself.

"I do. If he starts saying shit to Briar again it'll be my hand round his head." Ben's tone was just the tiniest bit calmer but his eyes locked with his son when Owen dared to look over at him, his arms still wrapped tightly around (Y/n). Whenever Owen did something wrong or messed around he would go to (Y/n) and try to stay clear of Ben. He wasn't a bad kid and he didn't usually do much wrong, he had been enforced his whole life by Ben to follow the rules. But sometimes he did mess around ot tease his brothers and Ben didn't like it.

(Y/n) ran her fingers through Owen's hair for a few moments before he headed out of the kitchen, making sure to hurry past Ben and advert his eyes down to the floor.

"Why do we have four kids if you still act like the controlling boss with them?" (Y/n) looked down at the seven month old in her arms who was in a very peaceful state, almost asleep as she drooled on (Y/n)'s shirt. Kids were something (Y/n) always knew she wanted and she could tell Ben liked it when she was pregnant but he amazed her with how he was around the kids. He was always on edge and in charge and barely showed much of a soft side with them despite how much he loved them.

"I am the boss. Come on, you know they're all better behaved than half the kids at that new school. They listen to me and if they fear me they won't piss about. Doesn't mean I don't love them just cause I don't mind putting them in line."

Ben's hands instantly reached out for the little girl in (Y/n)'s arms and she made no quarrel when he gently eased their youngest daughter into his arms and laid her in the crook of his elbow.

He did have a point, there were some parents who thought that being assertive or abrasive like Ben wouldn't help curb children's behaviour but would scare and mentally scar them. (Y/n) had to admit that Ben's methods worked, he swore in front of the kids a lot, he wasn't afraid to tell them off or give them the odd slap or shove if necessary. He put the fear of God into them when they did something really bad but if they were good or sweet he acknowledged it and he did show them love.

They all were much better behaved than some of the kids Ben and (Y/n) had seen when they enrolled the kids into their new school here since they had just moved out here.

"I have to get ready for work, will you be okay with them?"

(Y/n) folded her arms over her chest as she leaned her back against the kitchen counter behind her. There was always something that caught her eye when Ben held any of the kids. It was how he walked around with them resting in the crook of his elbow when they were babies that made her knees go weak. He looked so casual and determined like he didn't even notice the baby resting in his arm and with Lottie resting happily in his arm like she was, she was almost engulfed by his frame.

Ben didn't give (Y/n) the chance to remind him about Lottie's bottle, he was already moving over until he was stood beside (Y/n) to grab the bottle behind her.

Ben was good with the kids, he was more than good and more than capable with them and (Y/n) knew this, but it never stopped her from asking just to make sure he was alright with them. Sometimes Ben could lose his temper and not realise if he scared the kids just a bit too much or he could be oblivious to them trying to get his attention or get him to say something nice about a game they were playing or a picture they had done for him. He sometimes missed the little things like that and it made (Y/n) worry.

"Go to work, we'll be fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A rather bored expression came over Ben's face as a feeling of restlessness slowly swarmed through his veins. Whenever he was at work his mind was always occupied, he always had something to do. He was running around the club fixing things, he was out late doing things he knew he shouldn't be doing, he had paperwork to do in the club and he went to the gym every day. Sometimes he was desperate to be at home with his family but there were times at home where he didn't know what to do with himself.

Ben liked having something to do, sitting around watching tv was not occupying his overactive mind. But he couldn't really move or do very much right now with Briar laying on his chest pinning him down.

The blond was stretched out on the sofa with his feet on the foot rest, his left elbow resting on the arm of the sofa and his hand stuck up in the air, twirling an unlit cigarette between his fingers like he was doing a magic trick. His other hand was resting on Briar's back like he was making sure to keep his boy in place. Briar was laying face down on Ben's chest and stomach, one of his hands lightly gripping the long silver chain hanging around Ben's neck as he was peacefully sleeping since it was near his bedtime.

Ben didn't have it in him to get up, he was rather comfy like this and he didn't want to bother disturbing Briar trying to get him upstairs to bed. With both Owen and Lilah upstairs, Ben had decided to keep Briar and Lottie downstairs with him to make sure both younger kids could get some sleep. Lottie was laid in the play crib beneath the bay window a few feet from Ben happily sleeping and he could hear Owen's tv playing upstairs. He guessed Lilah was also watching tv in her room where he left her.

Ben took to rubbing his hand up and down Briar's back, soothing his youngest son and making sure he wasn't about to wake up. For the last two hours Briar had been watching tv down here with Ben, then he took to laying on Ben's bare stomach and tracing the different tattoos Ben had and asking what they all meant. Ben loved all his kids but as much as Owen wanted to be like him, Lilah was a daddy's girl and Lottie was a few months old, Briar seemed to be the most attached to Ben. The four year old didn't talk very much, he seemed to seclude himself away from others a lot but whenever Ben was home, Briar could be found by his side.

Turning his head to the left, Ben tiredly looked over at the tv that was playing some random horror movie he wasn't interested in anymore. The volume was turned down low as not to disturb the two kids in the room with him and so there was some kind of background noise to distract Ben. He set the unused cigarette down on the side table, not bothered about twirling it between his fingers anymore.

His eyes momentarily looked up at the ceiling when he could hear footsteps rushing about over the creaking floorboards but he paid no mind to it, knowing either Lilah or Owen would just be messing around up there.

It took five minutes of flicking through the channels before Ben found something he could abide by watching for another half an hour until he knew it would be time to put Briar in bed and get the other two to settle down ready to go to sleep. Ben never minded the nightly routines, Owen was the one who made a fuss of not wanting to go to sleep, Briar was very easy to settle and Lilah went straight to sleep if one of her parents were with her for a bit. Even Lottie settled very easily if Ben walked up and down the room with her for a few minutes. None of the kids were particularly hard to handle.

Just as Ben found himself becoming engrossed in the movie that was already halfway finished, he snapped his head back to look up at the ceiling when Lilah's very high-pitched scream resonated through the floor.

Lilah never screamed like that.

Trying not to move too quickly and disturb Briar, Ben sat up with one hand over Briar's legs and the other resting to the back of his head before he stood up and turned around. He gently removed Briar's hand from his chain before he laid him out on the sofa on his back, watching the younger boy stretch his arms out before curling his legs up to his stomach as Ben pulled a blanket over him.

He didn't bother looking over at Lottie who wasn't even whimpering at the sudden disturbance, he simply hurried out of the room, being mindful to close the living room door behind him to try and keep the two sleeping children asleep and undisturbed.

Ben's feet pounded against the stairs creating an ungodly echo that usually frightened the kids whenever they were messing around or doing something they shouldn't be. It was a warning to stop whatever they were doing, if indeed they were doing something wrong at all. Ben got halfway up the stairs before Lilah's scream rattled through his ears, followed by her very loud wails and almost incoherent, bubbling pleas for Ben.

Confusion flowed through Ben when he got to the top of the stairs and he could now hear some kind of low banging sound.

What the Hell were they both doing?

Ben headed down the hall, following the sound of Lilah's screams that became more clear the closer he got but Ben was still confused when he could hear her voice coming from Owen's room. The bedroom door was slightly open so Ben pushed it open all the way and stormed inside, stopping in the middle of the room to try and work out the situation.

"What have you done now?"

The moment he entered the room Owen spun round on his heels to face him so quickly he almost toppled over and all the colour drained from his face which was now panic-stricken.

Ben didn't get the chance to ask his eldest what he was doing before he heard Lilah sobbing. It took Ben two seconds to look around before he narrowed his eyes on the cupboard next to the window that Owen was stood in front of. The cupboard was built into the wall and it wasn't very big, Ben could barely fit inside it both height and width wise but it was a good place to put all of Owen's toys and games and it had a door built in too.

"Did you lock your sister in there?!" Ben's voice was an octave deeper than normal and his eyes were blazing with a fire that rendered Owen speechless, barely holding the ability to nod his head in response.

Owen stumbled back a few paces when Ben roughly pushed him away from the door before he turned to face the door that was smaller than his own frame.  When Ben looked down, he realised Owen had put the small block of wood under the door that they used to prop open the doors when the house was sweltering in the summer heat. Ben kicked the wood away with his foot before he swung the door open, his heart almost stopping in his chest when he realised Owen had shut Lilah in there with the light off since the switch was on the wall on the outside of the cupboard.

Lilah momentarily stopped screaming when the orange light basked over her skin and sent her eyes reeling but when she saw Ben's frame towering over her, another sob left her lips. She was sat on the floor curled up as close as she could to the door she had been hitting to try and get out and now Ben could see why. Lilah was never comfortable in the dark, she had to sleep with a night light but clowns scared her almost more than the fear of the unknown darkness. And there was Owen's old clown toy sitting on the second shelf in the cupboard that she must have noticed.

Ben turned ninety degrees to be facing Owen who gasped in shock when Ben's hand swatted out and caught the top of his ear and the side of his head in a short but very sharp slap.

"Daddy..." All she had to do was hold her arms out in front of her and it was enough to make Ben crouch down in front of her and scoop her up from the floor. Her arms wound around his neck until she was almost suffocating him and her legs were very tight around Ben's upper waist but he didn't care in the slightest.

"Alright baby, I've got you." Ben smoothed his fingers through Lilah's hair, trying to calm her down but she was trembling like a leaf against him and her chest was quaking from how badly she was breathing and sobbing.

He tried quietly shushing her, bouncing her up and down in his arms like she was a baby as he pressed kisses to the side of her head to try and soothe her as best he could. When he felt her ever so slightly calming down against him, Ben turned to look at Owen who was already in tears without Ben needing to say anything at all. The nine year old almost squeaked when Ben grabbed him by the chin, tilting his head up so he could look at his boy properly.

"You're in trouble now, boy."

Ben roughly let go of Owen's chin before he walked out of the room, he had to calm Lilah down before he even thought about punishing Owen for this. It was one thing to lock her in the dark like that, but doing that when he knew there was a clown toy in there was even worse for her and it certainly wasn't fair.

"Poor baby, come on calm down. Your mum will be home in about ten minutes, you can stay in here with us for a bit." Ben sat down on his and (Y/n)'s bed and carefully settled Lilah down on his lap, keeping his arms tightly wrapped around her as he jittered his knee up and down.

Reaching over the bed, he pulled back the covers before moving Lilah, encouraging her to burrow under the sheets before he turned on the tv and handed her the remote. It was near enough time for her to get into her pyjamas and settle down for bed, Ben could keep her in here and lay with her until she fell asleep and put her in her own room later.

"I'm gonna go sort Owen out, you stay here and I'll come right back." Ben kissed her temple longingly before he got up from the bed and headed out the room, making sure to keep the light turned on so she could calm down.

Much to Ben's surprise and slight amusement, Owen was stood exactly where Ben had left him like his feet were glued to the floor out of panic. He almost cowered away when Ben slowly approached him and when Ben reached out and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck he darted his eyes to look at the floor. Owen always wanted to be like Ben but when it came to getting in trouble he was never as tough as he wanted to be. Ben would put him in his place and scare him with just a few words and an angry tone and it was annoying as it was upsetting.

"Did you think that was funny?" Owen repeatedly shook his head no but it wasn't a satisfying answer for Ben. "What the fuck did you do that for then? You locked her in there with that clown then decided to turn the light off on her and she was screaming! Not only did you petrify her, you could of woken Briar and Lottie. Why did you do it?!" Ben lightly shook Owen until he seemed to shrink in on himself and give Ben an answer he deemed was acceptable.

"It was just a j-joke."

"Oh, a joke. I'll shove you in there with the lights off and we'll see if I start laughing then, shall we?" Ben leaned his head down to be level with his eldest child who was almost shaking. His head was violently turning side to side in a plea not to be shoved into the cupboard. Owen was okay with the dark but he was claustrophobic and could only stand being in the cupboard for a few seconds to get some toys or games out.

"Dad... I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't work with me, do I look like your mother? Telling your sister your sorry doesn't really help when you've already frightened her half to death."

It didn't matter which child told Ben they were sorry for something or how many times they told him, if the ordeal hadn't been accidental and they meant to do it, Ben wouldn't take sorry as an answer. It meant very little to him, it was like him beating someone to a pulp and then thinking against it and saying sorry. He was trying to get the kids to own up to anything they did and make up for it, sorry wasn't something Ben was teaching them.

"Daddy please-" Owen cut himself off, curling his arms to his chest and closing his eyes as tight as possible when Ben's hand tightened around the back of his neck before he pushed him to walk. Ben pushed the eldest into the cupboard before shutting the door, leaving the light on because he knew the dark wouldn't affect Owen like it did Lilah. Seeing the small space would probably be worse for the eldest child.

Ben folded his arms over his chest, leaning his right side against the wall next to the cupboard as he silently counted in his head. He wouldn't leave Owen in there for longer than a minute, this was only to teach him a lesson and prevent him from even thinking about doing this to Lilah again.

"Hey baby... what are you doing?" (Y/n) smiled tiredly as she leaned her head around the door into Owen's room. There was clear confusion in her smile as she wondered where Owen was and why Ben was stood like he was near the window when the curtains were closed.

(Y/n) could see the symbol Ben had tattooed on the base of his neck which always sent shivers down his spine whenever she traced her finger lightly over the design she was fascinated with. She could see the other symbol on the right side of his back that went down from his shoulder blade down to his hip which always reminded (Y/n) of a snake. And when he turned around she was faced with the names of their children on his arms, upper chest and lower stomach along with her name on the inside of his right wrist.

Ben knew the tattoos his whole family were mostly fascinated with were the ones on his knuckles. He didn't quite know why, but those ones were always the ones that got stared at, kissed and traced the most.

When he turned to face her, Ben watched the smile slip from (Y/n)'s lips and her arms unfold from her chest the moment Owen's quiet pleas hit her ears and she realised why her husband was standing next to the cupboard.

"Ben what the fuck?!" (Y/n) hurried into the room but Ben stood in front of the door when she went to open it. "You know he's claustrophobic, why the Hell have you shut him in there?!" (Y/n) slapped her hand against Ben's chest out of frustration but the most she did was catch one of her rings on the chain hanging around his neck.

"To teach the little sod a lesson. He shut Lilah in there in the dark with that shitting clown toy, she was screaming for me because he wouldn't let her out. She's now crying in our room."

A sigh passed through Ben's lips when (Y/n) bit down on her lip before nudging him to move out of the way, he had to let Owen out now. The moment (Y/n) opened the door Owen bolted over to her, caging his arms around her waist as he tried to stop the small cries leaving his lips. His fearful eyes dared to glance over at Ben but he looked unmoved and uninterested, leaning his upper back against the all as his arms were still crossed over his chest.

The moment Owen dared to pull away from (Y/n), he nearly cowered back when Ben rested a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Go get ready for bed." It sounded more of a command than anything else but Owen gladly obliged, bolting out of the room to go to the bathroom.

"Ben, did you really have to do that to him?" (Y/n) sighed through her words as she pointed to the cupboard. It was like an unspoken rule in the house that if any punishments were dolled out to the kids, that was Ben's area. He put the kids straight and gave them punishments and then they almost always ran to (Y/n) for comfort and to see if she would change Ben's mind which never happened. Ben could be hard on the kids at times but his way worked.

"He did it to Lilah, he gets it right back."

She couldn't help but roll her eyes at that remark before Ben leaned forward and slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him. Just as Ben's hands squeezed (Y/n)'s hips and he kissed her, a small, tender voice interrupted them.

"Daddy."

(Y/n) tried not to smile when Ben groaned against her lips, taking her lower lip between his teeth for a few seconds before he pulled away and turned his head to look at the door. Briar was stood there looking drowsy to the point of falling asleep standing up, he was clinging to the door frame with his eyes half closed from tiredness. The four year old had the bottoms of his onesie rolled up one one leg to his knee from wriggling around and his straight blond hair was sticking up from static.

"Come here little man, time for bed." Ben reluctantly pulled away from (Y/n) to go over to Briar. The moment he effortlessly picked him up and cuddled him to his chest Briar was almost asleep.

Ben couldn't wait to go to bed.

[1-800-channie]

Amnesia

»Felix’s angst one-shot (2 412  Words)

»Attention: What is in the header is the lyric of the song; whats in italic is a memory; what is normal is the present;

»Hi, guys! I’m so excited over this scenario because it’s so sad but so sweet and ahhhhh i just thought it fits Felix perfectly. i recommend you to listen to the song “Amnesia from 5SOS” because its the song of the one shot. I hope you enjoy the story, thank you. ♥

Felix is alone the large dorm he lives with his bandmates, the hyung line went grocery shopping and the maknaes decided it was a great day to do a live stream while walking around the neighborhood. Felix woke up blue, his heart throbbing and laziness taking advantage of his weak body, so he decided to be on his own.

He picked up his phone to face your picture. You were laughing while holding a big teddy bear, that was a present from him. His eyes got teary, he misses you more than he thought he would….; pushing those thoughts aside he chose to finally listen to the playlist Channie Hyung made him, laying down on the bed he whispered all the lyrics to Ariana’s song. 

But as soon as the melody of the next song started playing he wanted to kill Chris. While ‘Amnesia’ from 5SOS played his mind become cloudy with thoughts:

~I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted

You were running in front of him, the precious noises of your laugh were echoing on the air, getting muffed by the sound of the waves of the ocean. Felix was chasing you because you guys were kissing close to the water and you pushed him, causing him to get his feet, trainers, and socks drenched. 

“Came here baby, i swear i won’t do anything to you!” Your boyfriend states tired of running.

You stopped right on the spot, waiting for him, and when he finally reached you his arm grabbed your body by your waist. You giggled and hid your face on his neck, he is so much taller than you. The sweet smell of your hair made his whole body feel dizzy.

Felix could not contain the sparkling consuming his body when he was with you.

~I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you taste

The tears flowing down your appearance didn’t stop Felix from connecting his lips with yours. You were shaking, even your tender lips felt hesitant against his and he despised it. 

His tongue slowly slid over your closed lips, but you opened them right after. His tongue explored your mouth lazily, you tasted salty due to the tears that your eyes left out. 

As your lips parted his forehead met yours and both of you left a long sigh, and the tears didn’t seem to stop escaping yours and his eyes.

~ And even though your friends tell me you’re doing fine

“Felix she found the perfect job, she is genuinely happy.” Your best friend tells him with a comfortable smile on her lips. “Oh and she lives in a small apartment close to the beach, she is always on her balcony, enjoying the scent of the ocean.”

“I’m glad she is fine…” The blonde boy says, his words as empty as an abandoned house.

~ Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you?

The newest Shawn Mendes album is playing inside your small apartment. You are cooking with your also new boyfriend. As you sing your favorite song he follows correctly the instructions that are written down on your notebook without a word.

You take an examination at the American boy next to you, he seems so focused that forgot that you are right there, beside him. You sealed your eyes and sign. 

He is right there, why do you feel so lonely?

~ When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote to you?

Tears slip down your eyes but you quickly caught them with the back of your hand.

“IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF YOU NOT HAVING TIME FOR ME! YOU ARE ALWAYS WORKING!” Lucas shouts at you, throwing his arms in the air annoyed.

You came back home later than usual today because you had to edit some pictures for a new client when you came back to your apartment you found a bouquet of flowers on the floor and Lucas asleep with his back against your door. 

It’s your three month anniversary, and you entirely misremembered it.

“I am sorry… i had to finish editing-” He didn’t let you finish. Lucas grabbed his phone from the table and stormed out, banging the door. This was the last thing you wanted after a long day of work. 

As you were taking a shower, Stray Kids album ‘I AM YOU’ was playing, Felix’s voice made the tears that you were holding back escape your eyes quickly. Your heart pained and you could only remember your ex confess you with his deep voice how much he ‘loved you’.

~ Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?

Felix sees all the stories you post on Instagram with an undercover account he has. He sees all the charming selfies you post, he sees all the mirror pictures you post with another man, he reads the romantic words you write to that other man, every now and then.

His heart would shatter a little more, and his mind would ask himself if everything you had were real. How could you move on this fast?

~If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

His brain quickly tells him that you were playing him all the time. Why would you move from Korea so abruptly?

You were trying to get rid of him. If you truly loved him like you promised him, how could you smile? How could you be fine without him?

~‘Cause I’m not fine at all 

Felix is surely not alright, he can’t listen to Halsey, your favorite singer, without crying his eyes out. He spent a big amount of his nights awake and imagining about you. He can’t drink milk and coffee without remembering how you always made him a big cup of it with the perfect amount of sugar and coffee. 

Felix is not fine at all.

~ I remember the day you told me you were leaving ~I remember the make-up running down your face

It had been a whole week without any kind of news from you. You would not pick up your phone, you would ignore his texts, pretend you are not home when Felix was banging at your door, even though you were sitting on the floor with your back against the door and tears streaming down your eyes.

The day you finally opened the door, your boyfriend could recognize the intoxicating days you were dealing with. Your eyes were red from crying, your skin was pale, your hair a mess and all the mascara you use daily were stained under your eyes in dark mess. 

“What is happening, baby?” Felix asks getting on his knees in front of you. You were also on your knees, face hidden behind our small hands. 

“I’m leaving. I’m leaving Korea today night… The company that gave me work is placed in Miami, they have an apartment for me and an important place on the team.” You told him while he had your hands on his, his warmth being slowly shared with your cold hands.

“That’s great, baby! You will do what you wanted and what you studied for… We can have a long distant relationship, we love each other I’m sure it will work out i-”

“Felix no! I’ll be half world far from you. It would never work and it would be worst for both of us.” You turned your head to the side, tears falling down once again, making more of a mess on your face and the heavy headache become worst. “It’s better if we break up…” Your lips moved slowly while the last words got out of your mouth.

And they felt like sharp knives on your boyfriend’s heart, cutting, trespassing and making him bleed non stop. Hot, salty tears left his eyes and he tried to change your mind.

But anything he would say would change your decision, he knew you were right, and that’s why it disturbed him even more.

~And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them ~Like every single wish, we ever made

“What do you wish for?” Felix asked you while taking a glace to your angelic face.

Both of you are laying down on the rooftop’s floor admiring the sky. You are laying on your back, but the Australian boy is laying on his side so he can watch you. 

“I wish we can be together forever, for more cliche than it sounds. I have never met a boy as lovely as you. I wish we can buy a place for ourselves where we can share a bed, where i can wake up with you by my side every day.” Now you tuned to your side, facing a blushy Felix with the dumbest smile on his lips. 

He was drunk in love with you…

It hurts him how you accomplished your dreams without him, and the worst, with another man.

~I wish that I could wake up with amnesia ~And forget about the stupid little things

Felix tells himself this every day. If only he could forget how your voice sounds, so he could sleep once for all.

~Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

As you stuff your pijama pants under you cozy socks, Felix watches you carefully under the thick covers of your bed. 

You hurry to lay down on the bed, your boyfriend’s body close to yours. He smiles, his white teeth appearing between his tender lips, he is so happy for finally laying close to you.

“Can we cuddle?” You ask with a cute pout on your face that Felix kiss in a fast movement that caught you off guard. You blush, trying to hide your face with your hands

“Of course we can! I’ll be the big spoon.” Your boyfriends choose without a lot of thinking. 

You roll over to your side, and you giggle as you feel his body being close to yours, his arms resting on your waist. 

“Good Night, baby!” You tell him already closing your eyes and yawning.

“Good night, angel…” He responds back, a kiss being planted on your hair right after. 

Felix’s favorite thing to do with you is sleep. Nothing sexual, just the warmth of your body, the cute little noises you make sleeping and the sweet smell of roses of your hair.

~And the memories I never can escape’ ~Cause I’m not fine at all

The sun was shining brightly that day, you were wearing a cute summer dress that would follow every motion of your body. You looked adorable and Felix couldn’t be more proud of having you as his.

“Would you like some ice cream?” You asked him sweetly, appearing in front of him on your tiptoes. 

“Yes, I’d love to have one. It’s really hot today isn’t it?” He smiled down at you.

You interlocked your fingers with his and pulled him towards an ice cream truck, where you paid for both of the sweets.

“Why did you pay? I could have done it.” He asks while unwrapping the so wanted ice cream.

“Because you are always paying and i feel bad for it.” You answer as you struggle to open the ice cream.

Felix laughed and helped you, right after you thanked him and you guys walked slowly down the road, hand in hand. Everyone that would pass by you guys could tell, you were deeply in love.

~The pictures that you sent me they’re still living in my phone ~I’ll admit I like to see them, I’ll admit I feel alone

Felix finds himself looking at your pictures often. 

The one you are pouting because you were tired of him taking pictures; The one you are hugging your teddy Chimmy with your Koja pijama; The one you are wearing a tight blue dress and heels, he took that on the new year’s party; One of you sleeping on his lap.

As his eyes watch them, his heart ached and he hates to admit it, but he feels lonely.

~And all my friends keep asking why I’m not around

“Felix, come on, please you need to distract yourself,” Changbin tells him, but the only reaction he gets is a roll of eyes.

“I’m good by my own.” The blonde boy says annoyed.

“Come on it will be fun.” Seungmin tried to convince his friend, but no success.

~It hurts to know you’re happy, yeah, it hurts that you’ve moved on

Felix’s phone buzzes and its a notification of your Instagram, you posted a story on a date, hand holding some other man and you have a big smile on your lips.

His heart felt like it was being stabbed.

~It’s hard to hear your name when I haven’t seen you in so long

“Yah! Yn used to say that though, i miss her man. She was funny as hell.” Woojin said with a pout on his lips.

As soon as the Australian boy heard your name a shiver ran down his spine and his smile faded away.

Chan looked over at Woojin, yelling at him just with his glare. 

“I’m sorry Felix… I didn’t mean to remind you of her…”

“Its ok bro.” Felix lied, the pain on his body started to become strong again.

~If today I woke up with you right beside me ~Like all of this was just some twisted dream ~I’d hold you closer than I ever did before ~And you’d never slip away ~And you’d never hear me say  

Felix closed his eyes and imagined if you were right there with him: He would appreciate more every single second he was with you. He would kiss you more often. He would tell you that he loves you more often. He would do anything to not let you go.

But when he opened his eyes he was alone. The music came to an end, just like both of you.

He has to move on, and maybe pretend he has amnesia so you would leave his heart faster.

[welldamnshawn]

Chapter 5: We’re a perfect match // Shawn Mendes

Prologue: https://welldamnshawn.tumblr.com/post/165826891058/6-minutes-left-prologue-shawn-mendes

Chapter 1: https://welldamnshawn.tumblr.com/post/165861136790/chapter-1-youre-going-to-wish-wed-never-been

Chapter 2: https://welldamnshawn.tumblr.com/post/166035402061/chapter-2-why-did-you-come-here-shawn-mendes

Chapter 3: https://welldamnshawn.tumblr.com/post/166104883601/chapter-3-ill-take-my-chances-shawn-mendes

Chapter 4: https://welldamnshawn.tumblr.com/post/166172386006/chapter-4-i-want-you-to-want-me-because-im-me

Authors note: This is kind of short, sorry guys! The writing makes up for it, I swear. And here we have Shawn slowly becoming a sweet lil muffin who just wants to be loved

Recap: “Right, because you don’t want a soulmate.” I reply, feeling immensely tired after the night I had. I’m not sure whether I had already started dreaming but I swear I heard Shawn say one last thing before he left.“I want you to want me because I’m me.”

Shawn didn’t show up until 4 days later, the soft knocking drawing me away from my laptop where I was watching a movie.

Tugging the curtains back, I flip the lock and allow him in. I resume my place on my bed, not saying anything to my match and he doesn’t bother to start a conversation either.

I press play, letting the movie continue and Shawn takes a seat on the small sofa in the corner of my room, next to my bookcase and opposite my bed. 

We sat in silence, Shawn taking a novel off my shelf and reading it while I continue to watch my film, the voices from the actors filling the awkward silence.

An hour or so later my movie has finished and I shut the screen, placing my laptop on the floor. My gaze flicks back to Shawn’s figure and I chuckle softly, noticing that he was asleep.

I get up, my feet barely making a sound on the plush carpet. I take the book out of his hands gently, careful not to wake him up, and chuck one of the throws I had on my bed over his body.

He looked so vulnerable lying there, the scowl that always seemed to be on his face was gone. It made him look softer, the air of arrogance gone and replaced by a much younger appearance.

I brush back a curl that had fallen on his forehead, knowing that I was becoming border line creepy but I couldn’t help but want to touch him. There was no way he would ever let me do this if he was awake.

His eyelids flutter, one of them cracking open lazily.  I meet his gaze, my cheeks heating.

“I thought you were asleep.” I stammer, feeling nerves rack my body at what his reaction would be.

He looks down at the blanket covering his body, then back to me. 

“You did this?” His voice rasps, I nod, waiting for the anger to appear.

He doesn’t say anything however, just pulls the fabric off him and standing up, heading for the door to my patio.

“Where are you going?” I ask softly, feeling a sense of disappointment that he seemed ready to leave.

“I’m going home.” He states, not sparing me a glance.

“You could stay here if you want, my parents won’t mind. As soon as I say to them that you’re my match they will love to have you over anytime-” I stop, the harshness of his gaze making me squirm.

“I don’t want to stay here and I have absolutely no interest in meeting your parents.” He spits at me and I feel my stomach clench, his words causing a hurt I wasn’t used to.

“I thought that after the other night when I was drunk-”

“You thought wrong. You were wrecked and I felt bad that you felt the need to drink your weight in alcohol.” He sounded so cold, so determined to shut me out that I didn’t know how to respond.

“What happened? We were getting along so well?” I question him, hoping my voice didn’t sound as weak as I felt.

“You don’t get it...do you?” his sarcasm sounds in his tone, his gaze locked on mine.

“Get what?” 

“Just because I help you once doesn’t mean I want to get married to you. I’ve been coming to see you because the libertas talk so much about how our matches aren’t what our society cracks them up to be. We fall for the illusion that they are perfect for us when really they’re based on who can produce the healthiest offspring, not who can make who happy.” His words are like knives, cutting through my walls that I had built up about the soulmate program.

“That’s not true!” I burst out, my anger growing. “They’re based off personality and compatibility. There may be an aspect of producing healthy children in there but if that was the only reason they started and continued the program tell me why all the matches have worked for 378 years?”

“They have a higher authority then us! You see them walking around in their white lab coats and clipboards acting like they’re so much better than us. We believe anything they tell us because of the power they have. Just because you’re not smart enough to think for yourself and make your own decisions doesn’t mean I’m the same.” He hisses at me and I feel a tear slip from my eye. I brush it away angrily.

“Get out of my house and don’t you ever come back.” I seethe at him, feeling whatever emotion I held for the boy dissipate.

He laughs and it sounds forced. “Now you get it don’t you Princess. We aren’t good for each other.” He edges closer and the rage I felt consumed me like a tidal wave.

“We might have been good for each other if you hadn’t been so persistent on never giving me a chance.”

“Or this is what we really would be like, except you chose to believe the lies you’re spoon fed by the government while I live in the real world, where we get to pick who ever we like to make us happy and make relationships of our own.” I feel like all the air has been knocked from my body.

“You have someone else?” I ask and my voice shakes. I don’t bother to wipe the tears that are falling thick and fast.

He grins at me, like he was finding pleasure in my pain. “You could say that.”

I don’t say anything, I turn from him, not wanting him to see anymore of my breakdown.

“You have another girl yet you keep coming here, tormenting me with the idea of us having a future like its some game you’re playing.” I snap at him, trying to find strength to convey the betrayal I was feeling. 

“I told you that I never wanted a soulmate.” He whispers, appearing in front of me, one hand holding where my neck met my jawline on the side of my face, his thumb stroking my cheek softly. 

“One minute it seems like you hate me and the next you’re decent.” I say to him quietly, not daring to meet his eyes. 

“I wish that you could see what kind of spell they have you under.” Shawn’s other hand rises to cup the other side of my face and he tilts my head back until I lock my eyes on his. 

“I wish you could see what kind of spell the libertas have you under.” I retort back and he chuckles, his eyes swirling with humor.

“I see that we both have different views.” He says lowly, applying a slight pressure on my cheeks.

“What if you gave me a month. A month to persuade you that this soulmate thing is real and that we could be perfect together.”

He cocks his head to the side and I hold my breath as he thinks.

“A month where we what.. exactly?” He inquires and he holds my gaze.

“We act like a pair of soulmates would if you hadn’t decided to be all moody and act like you don’t want me.” I can’t help but grin at his unimpressed expression.

“You’re not helping your case with your smart ass remarks.”

“Sorry,” I grin at him. “We do things that matches normally do when they find each other. Go out on dates, get to know each other. If I haven’t convinced you by the end of 4 weeks that we are perfect for each other and the soulmate program isn’t complete bullshit then I’ll let you go.”

He watches me throughout, examining the way my face lights up when I talk about matches, and how excited I was about finally having a normal soulmate relationship.

“4 weeks... And then that’s it. Thats all you get.” He finalizes and I squeal, my enthusiasm spiking.

“Yes!”

“Don’t get too excited, we don’t start this whole thing until Saturday.” He looks at me to make sure I’m listening. 

I frown. It was only Wednesday. 

“I can work with that, I guess.” An idea pops into my head and a grin takes over my face. “We’re going out together on Saturday. Wear your finest suit and be here at 10 am, okay?”

“Do I get to know what I’m dressing up for?” He asks, sensing that he’s probably not going to like what I have planned.

“Nope, it’s a surprise. Just remember, suit, Saturday, 10:00 am, my house.”

“Got it.” He rolls his eyes, allowing me to push him towards the door.

I pause, watching his features turn into a small smile as I reach to close the door, I meet his gaze one last time.

“I’ll show you Shawn. We’re a perfect match.”