#cause let’s face it post concert depression is tough but it’s not the only reason my anxiety goes the fuck up when i come back from a trip

[alloutshirt]

read 100 pages of an actual book in the last few hours which is about 100 more pages than i did in almost a year :)

[doitjake]

The music in us - P1

Jake kiszka x reader

warnings: none.

Requests: “two rockstars meeting in a festival, and both bands hanging out cause they are both friends with the struts, then jake starts falling in love w this person because of their personality, talent and charisma, they start to match in the second day of camping at the festival and then the bands have to play in the same day, jake tells his feeling and the reader doesn’t know how to react.”

A/N:  this was an incredible request and I took a while to post it because I wanted it to be at least reasonable haha. this is the first part, i will probably post the second part on saturday or sunday. I hope you like it and if you want to see a specific scene in the second part comment here or you can send me a message / question!!

Requests here: https://forms.gle/6uMRSCzFvyR2FgZPA

Being in a band with your 2 best friends and your cousin is definitely awesome, until the first week.

"POPPY WHERE'S MY FUCKING HAIRBRUSH?" A super angry drummer was seen getting on the bus.

"Ana, can't you speak a sentence at a normal voice volume?" That was Lexa, our guitarist or our mother, whichever you prefer. She performs both functions very well.

"No, I can't." She walks over to Poppy and snatches her hairbrush out of her hand. "At least not when vocalists with superiority complexes steal my stuff." She walks to the small bathroom on the bus as Poppy showed her the middle finger.

Even inside the bus you could hear several bands doing sound checks and stages being finalized outside. We had arrived at the Summer Rock Festival a few hours ago, it would be three days of festival, we would perform on the second day, after our friends from The Struts and before the boys from Greta Van Fleet.

"Luke texted me, he and the boys are already heading to the bar." Lexa stands up fixing the bottom of her beautiful dress that looked like it was straight out of the 70's, "So if we don't want to be late our dear drummer had better get out of this fucking bathroom soon."

"Hey, no swearing, Mom." I walk past her grabbing my leather jacket from the seat. "Ana! Let's go!"

By the time Lexa and Poppy are outside I am trying to find my cell phone amidst a pile of clothes, Ana finally comes out of the bathroom.

"Cousins by chance, twins by choice." She pulls up the sleeves of her jacket, just like mine, smiling at me.

I find my cell phone and slip my arm over Ana's shoulders, leading us to the bus door.

"Did I mention I hate you?" I ask coming down the small staircase and find Poppy and Lexa waiting for us to go.

"Hm, I guess not today yet." She goes to Poppy's side and pats her chin. "Stop drooling, Poppy."

Lexa and I turn to where Poppy was looking and find the 4 boys from Greta taking their instruments off the bus, about 50 feet away from us.

"Fuck you, Ana," Poppy starts walking towards the exit of the festival, where there is an avenue full of bars, nightclubs, strip clubs and karaoke places.

In less than 10 minutes we had already arrived at the bar and before we even entered Jed already called us shouting. "Hey, girls! Over here!"

It was always really cool to hang out with the boys, we knew each other because of Jed and Adam being friends with Poppy's older brother. We joined them and other people from the crew and some other artists at the festival and less than 2 minutes later several bottles of beer were already on the tables.

I looked at my band mates, we spend so much time together that it is fun to analyze them socializing with other people besides ourselves.

Poppy was probably the most outgoing of us, everyone liked her, she was always nice and polite to everyone and it was amazing to see men with long beards and leather vests making fun of a girl singing rock and then Poppy shutting them up, either with her talent or her knowledge.

Lexa was so calm that it is still shocking to me to see her play and totally transform on stage. She had a 70's hippie style that matched perfectly with her long blond hair and delicate features.

And Ana, my band mate that I have known all my life, my younger cousin. Certainly the strongest personality among the four of us, her life revolved around music, and I loved that about her.

Oh, of course. There's me too, but I don't think it's worth describing myself too much. I'm probably too dull around them. I wasn't outgoing like Poppy, I wasn't charming like Lexa, and I definitely didn't have as much personality as Ana.

My God, what a depression. I need another drink, one stronger than beer.

"Hey, I'm going to go to the bar. I'll be right back." I speak to Lexa receiving a nod in response.

Reaching over I choose the only drink capable of cheering me up.

"A shot of Jack Daniels. No ice please" I speak loudly so the bartender can hear through the music of The Who playing at the bar.

"I always thought it was the guitar players who were more into whiskey" A husky voice came over the music right in my right ear. "I thought bass players were more into vodka"

And then the seat next to me was taken by Jake Kiszka, guitarist for Greta Van Fleet, well I definitely can't compare to Poppy on the subject of "GVF FANGIRL", but wow.

"What about the vocalists and drummers?" I asked as the bartender left the shot of Jack Daniels in front of me.

"Vocalists? Probably some weird drink and drummers for sure are the beer guys." He smiles and turns the stool around facing me "I'm Jake" He holds out his hand to you.

"Y/N" I hold his hand.

"The bass player who made my theory go down the drain." He laughs arching an eyebrow.

"Well, maybe I'm an exception.

"Yeah, maybe there was a glitch in the matrix." He turns to call the bartender. "May I imitate you?" He indicates my glass with his head.

"You're the guitar player here, I think I'm the one copying you." I smile at him and he reciprocates, and shit, why do I think I could stare at him smile forever? And then I feel an arm on my shoulders.

"So you mean my friends are friends, and I didn't know?" Luke leaned one arm on me and the other on Jake, clearly not sober anymore. "Come on over to the table, antisocial people, your bands are waiting."

Luke releases our shoulders and looks at us. "Or are you guys busy planning to pick each other up?"

I could feel all my blood rising to my cheeks in a second, and thank God I had already swallowed the whiskey, otherwise I probably would have spit it all out.

"Of course not Luke." I gave a nervous laugh praying that I could disguise my embarrassment. Which only increased when Jake tilted his head to the side looking at me and gave a weak laugh and then getting up to walk over to the table.

Now there were more people at the table, including the other three members of Greta, and I sat down between Adam and Ana. "Please dig a hole and stick me in" I whispered to my cousin.

"With pleasure." She winked and smiled at me, "But may I know why?"

With the music loud and our friends talking around us I had to lean 'round to whisper right into her ear. "I was talking to Jake Kiszka and then Luke came over and thought we were going to kiss and I looked like an idiot."

"You always look like an idiot, cousin." He whispered in response. "But you want to kiss him?" Ana smiled mischievously.

"Oh my god, I was just talking to him."

"Well, you should kiss him, he's handsome." She picks up her beer and offers me a bottle.

"You say that because you have a crush on his twin." I open my bottle as I watch Ana choke on her own beer and cast a quick glance at Josh. "Oh come on, you can't disguise yourself." I laugh slapping our bottles together before taking a long sip.

"I don't have a crush on him." Ana squirms in her chair uncomfortably. "He's the lead singer, he has several women after him, and he must have a superiority complex just like Poppy."

"He seems pretty cool!"

"Y/N! ANA!" Poppy's voice managed without louder than the music in the bar, causing us to turn around and find 10 pairs of eyes staring at us. "Are you guys deaf?"

As I run my gaze around the table I realize that all the boys' crew have left, now it's just us, the boys from The Struts and Greta Van Fleet.

"Hm, hey!" I reply before Ana has a chance to cuss Poppy out.

"We're going to karaoke, the bar closes early today." Gethin gets up from the table, being followed by his bandmates, Josh, Sam, Danny, Poppy and Lexa.

"I'm in!" Ana stands up.

"I'm going back to the bus, I don't have as much energy as you guys." I stand up grabbing my cell phone and wallet.

"Let's go together." Jake speaks and I realize that he was the only one who hadn't gotten up until now.

"Ok" I say trying to look calm and not knowing why I am nervous, like a teenage girl who likes the popular boy.

I say goodbye to everyone and when I pass by Ana she winks at me, in a not discreet way.

After we pay for our drinks, Jake and I head out onto the streets of Chicago to return to the festival.

"Excited for tomorrow?" Jake asks as we cross one of the avenue streets.

"For sure, tomorrow and our days will have the best shows!" I look at him. "I feel like I might faint just remembering that I'm going to see Steven Tyler live tomorrow." He throws his head back and laughs. "Now you think I'm some kind of crazy fangirl." I smile.

"Oh, of course not." Jake returns the smile by looking at me. "The chances of me passing out at the Stones concert are not small either."

"So, you're a 'fangirl' for Keith Richards?"

"Definitely." He laughs again shaking his head.

"Does that mean that for you 'team stones' is right?

"Well, it's certainly a tough contest, but yes 'team stones'." He turns to me with the corners of his lips raised. "Team Beatles?"

"And a George stan with pride." I smile and wink at him amused. "Okay, important question."

"Okay, speak." Jake runs his fingers through the strands of hair that fall down the side of his face.

"Pearl Jam or Nirvana?"

"Is there a right answer?" He asks and I arch an eyebrow at him. "Okay, hm, Nirvana."

"You had a right answer! And you got it wrong." I smile. "Come on, Eddie Veder is almost a God."

Jake laughs and brings his hands in front of his body in a sign of redemption. "I don't disagree!"

And then I realize that we arrived at the festival some time ago and are now facing my bus.

"Thank you so much, for walking me here." I say to him, climbing up the first step of the entrance stairs, almost standing the same height as Jake.

"You're welcome!" He gives me a smile and puts his hands in the pockets of his black skinny pants. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure."

You smile at him and Jake moves closer and deposits a kiss on your cheek.

"Bye!"

“Bye, Jake!”

[searchingwardrobes]

Name

Happy Birthday, @lenfaz ! I have a confession to make, I almost chickened out posting this. You see, you and I have never really interacted. I’ve just read almost all your fics and subscribe to you on Ao3. So I feel like a fangirl giving this to you. Anyway, I hope you like it. I loved Sea Squad so much, and I tried to put a little bit of that Jones Brothers/adopted family crew vibe to this. And I know from following your blog that you love Liam and Frozen Jewel, so I kept Liam alive in this and gave him a happy ending! Anyway, hope your day has been great!

This fic also solidifies that I have an addiction. An addiction to Lieutenant Duckling and historical war aus. They say the first step is to admit you have a problem . . . Is there a support group?

Summary: Every time Killian saw the beautiful blonde named Emma, she had a different last name. Maybe her whole life she’s been trying to get back to where she started. Inspired by the Goo Goo Dolls song.

Rating: T

Also on Ao3 

Words: 4,000

Tagging: @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @winterbaby89 @jennjenn615 @teamhook @bethacaciakay @kday426 @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs @let-it-raines @shireness-says @distant-rose @optomisticgirl @wellhellotragic @welllpthisishappening

And now we’re grown up orphans that never knew their names. We don’t belong to no one that’s a shame.

 Her name was Emma Smith. His name was Killian Jones. Their parents apparently cared enough to give them the first, but not the second. Hers was knitted in the corner of a baby blanket, his was on a note pinned to the front of his sleeper that merely said: “His name is Killian. Please take care of him.” Both were left where their parents most likely thought they would be safe: Emma on a bench outside of a hospital, Killian on the front steps of a church. “Baby Smith” and “Baby Jones” were easy labels for those who found them.

Neither would remember the first time they met; sharing a crib in the Catholic orphanage. If they had been born in any other decade, they would have been quickly adopted. But this was 1932, and the nation was in the throes of a Great Depression. There were separate orphanages for boys and girls, so they didn’t share their crib for long. Killian Jones was sent to the state-run boys’ home, and by the time he saw Emma Smith again, she would have a different name.

********************************************************

He was eight years old, and though times were still rough, they were slowly but surely getting better. So much better that people were able to give once again to the less fortunate. There was slightly more food than before, slightly warmer blankets. Yet the Depression had taken its toll, and now there were twice as many orphans.

Still, the Catholic church down the street had enough donations that they could throw a modest Christmas party for the city’s orphans. The boys were spit and polished as much as they could be with what little they had and were marched the several blocks to the church. They were herded into the sanctuary under the strict gaze of their caretakers, and on the stage in front of them were the residents of the girl’s orphanage. As a gift to their guests, they did a concert of Christmas carols.

Killian barely heard the words to the song: all he could focus on was the little blonde girl in the front, her hair glowing in the lights from the flickering candles. She opened her mouth along with the others, words spilling forth, but her eyes were dull. From boredom or cynicism, he couldn’t say, but something about them was so familiar.

In the fellowship hall, the nuns served refreshments and handed out candy and trinkets to the children. There was no Santa – orphans knew better than anyone there was no such person. Killian found the little blonde girl sitting alone, nursing a peppermint stick. He shuffled his feet nervously, then finally blurted out:

“Hi, I’m Killian. Killian Jones.”

She raised both eyebrows. “Emma. Emma Miller.”

He felt himself go hot all the way to the tips of his ears, and he had no idea what to say next.

“Want a peppermint stick?” she asked, holding out a second one clutched in her other fist.

He smiled, taking the proffered sweet and sitting in the chair next to her. Neither remembered sharing a crib as newborns, but they both had the strangest feeling they had known each other a long time. Killian didn’t know that Emma acquired her new name when the Millers adopted her. He didn’t know how they had a baby of their own and sent her back to the orphanage at age three, unable to feed two young mouths. Neither did Emma tell him. As children often do, they spoke of more immediate things and giggled as they used their peppermint sticks as miniature swords.

It would be five more years before they saw one another again.

*****************************************************

Orphanages weren’t pleasant places to grow up. The common opinion was that such children needed strict discipline and a heavy hand. Mercy and grace were rare; tenderness and affection completely absent. Killian lasted until the age of eleven before he just had to get away. Boys of thirteen were cast out anyway to find work. Why wait for the inevitable?

The streets of Boston weren’t kind to a boy of eleven, however, and his freedom came at a high price and an often empty belly. There were street gangs too, and Killian was small for his age. He tried to go unseen, but it was only a matter of time before he crossed the wrong group of street kids. They had him surrounded in an alley behind an Italian restaurant. He had only been searching for food scraps; he hadn’t known it was anyone’s “territory.”

He fought back at first, flinging trash and swinging the lid of the garbage can, but eventually all he could do was duck and cover his head. Maybe if he curled into a small enough ball, they would lose interest. As the kicks and punches rained down on him, he realized how wrong he had been.

Suddenly, there was a shout and one large boy was pulled away from him, then another. The rest of the boys turned to face the new threat, and all Killian could do was scramble behind the largest trash can. He peeked around the side of it to watch three boys take on his attackers. One had sandy colored, close cropped hair and looked about his age. Another had light brown curls and was broad and strong, raining down punches with a righteous indignation in his eyes. Killian guessed he had to be at least fifteen, maybe older. The third was armed with a slingshot. The other boys couldn’t get close enough for hand to hand combat without getting pelted. He was probably somewhere in the middle of the other two age wise, perhaps thirteen.

It wasn’t long before the gang were sent running. Whoever these three were, they were tough in a fight. The question was, were they rescuing Killian or wanting him for themselves? And if the second, what for? For that reason, Killian made himself as small as possible behind the trash cans.

“It’s okay, you can come out,” one boy called to him.

“We won’t hurt you,” a second assured.

Hesitantly, Killian came out from hiding. He tasted blood on his lip, and his temple throbbed. He was sure he looked pitiful. Nevertheless, the oldest of the three boys smiled in a way that put him at ease.

“What’s your name, kid?” he asked him.

“Killian. Killian Jones.”

The teenager’s grin broadened. “No kidding. My name is Jones too – Liam Jones.”

It turned out Liam had gotten his last name the same way Killian had – from being an abandoned nobody. He was going on sixteen, and the unofficial big brother of the group. The other eleven-year-old was David, and the thirteen-year-old with the slingshot was Robin. They weren’t a gang, just friends who looked out for each other because they were alone on the streets. They adopted Killian, called him “little brother” (David liked to point out he was almost twelve at every opportunity), and for the first time in his life, he was part of a family.

****************************************************

The orphaned kids of the depression were now orphaned teenagers – juvenile delinquents, according to the adults. The streets were filled with them. The ones who were old enough had joined up for the war, most of them never to return. The rest plagued the city and were easy prey to adult crime bosses. Girls were less common on the streets, but they were there. They were even more vulnerable to exploitation than the boys.

Liam said to stay away from girls; they were nothing but trouble. David had a soft spot for one particular girl with dark hair who was just as good with a slingshot as Robin. She’d run away from her stepmother after her father died. Killian was thirteen now, David nearing fourteen, Robin was fifteen, and Liam himself was almost eighteen. Liam’s “no girls” rule was quickly becoming a lost cause.

Killian saw her again for the first time in five years warming herself around a fire in a trash can behind an old canning factory. Many street children and even homeless adults had taken to socializing here, and even though there was a code of sorts, young girls were still vulnerable here.

A gray hat was pushed down onto Emma’s head, but the gold in her hair still shone bright by the flickering light. She held her hands, clad in threadbare gloves, up to the warmth. He approached her slowly, as if she were an apparition that might disappear.

“Emma?”

Her head snapped up, eyes wide. He must not have looked threatening (he was still rather small at thirteen, he hated to admit) because her face quickly relaxed. She tilted her head, studying him closely. He patted his chest.

“Killian Jones. The Christmas party?”

A smile slowly filled her face. “Of course. I wouldn’t forget a name like Killian.”

“Neither have I forgotten yours.”

She lifted one shoulder dismissively. “It isn’t Miller anymore, though. It’s Emma Swan now.”

“I like it,” he told her, “it suits you.”

She ducked her head, a blush staining her cheeks. “Well, the Millers threw me away, so why would I want their name?”

“May I ask why you picked Swan?”

She chewed at her lower lip. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”

“Never.”

She let out a long sigh. “The story of the ugly duckling.”

“Ahh, I see. He was really a swan all along.”

She shrugged again.

“Like I said,” he told her, leaning closer, “I like it.”

Liam had said “no girls,” but Mary Margaret was already a constant fixture in their group, so Emma was welcomed, albeit a bit reluctantly on Liam’s part. They found an old tenement apartment, condemned by the city, to crash in. Emma was a master thief and contributed to the group’s provisions so well that she eventually won even Liam over. And when Liam brought Elsa home, shivering, her lips almost blue, the “no girls” rule was officially dead.

Elsa was different, it turned out, a runaway but with a family who loved her and never stopped looking for her. It was her sister Anna who found her crashing in the remains of the tenement and begged her to come home. No one was surprised when Elsa caved. Anna had an innocence about her that was difficult to resist. And in that moment, everything changed.

Liam was eighteen now and in love with Elsa. A girl who actually came from a decent home with a decent family. Liam had to prove himself worthy of her; it was time for him to makes something of himself. Couldn’t the rest of them understand that?

“So what will you do?” Killian asked, his jaw clenching to hold back the tears. At some point, Liam had become the bar he strove for. They may have shared a last name by chance, but in every other way Liam was his big brother. His idol.

“I’m joining the Navy.”

“Then so will I,” Robin vowed, surging to his feet.

“Me too,” David added, chin tilted in defiance.

A feeling of pride and belonging swelled in Killian’s chest. “A band of brothers. Forever.”

Mary Margaret stood by with unshed tears shining in her eyes. But Emma . . .

“You are all assholes, you know that?” she screamed, her hands fisted at her sides.

Then she ran.

Killian found her down by the docks, looking out at sea. He stood beside her wordlessly, slipping his hand in hers.

“The ocean is big,” she said.

He nodded.

“I’ll never see you again.”

“You could join too,” Killian said, his voice rising as he warmed up to the idea, “girls can, you know.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not until they’re twenty, and besides, girls can only be nurses or secretaries. That’s not me.”

He hung his head. He knew she was right – he couldn’t see her doing either of those things and being happy.

“You’re still going, aren’t you?”

The sea wind had blown hair in her face again, and Killian reached out to tuck it behind her ear. “When I turn eighteen, yes.”

Honestly, at fourteen, it seemed a lifetime away. He had a lifetime to be here with Emma, so he traced her jaw with his fingertips and leaned in close. It was his first kiss and hers too. Their lips pressed together awkwardly; their noses bumped; they giggled and tried again. It was perfect.

*****************************************************

Four years, it turned out, wasn’t a lifetime. It was, however, long enough for Killian Jones to fall completely, hopelessly in love with Emma Swan. He and David were heading to basic training, and Emma and Mary Margaret were there to say goodbye. Mary Margaret already had an engagement ring on her finger. David had proposed the day he enlisted, just as Robin had before him with his girlfriend Marian and Liam with Elsa before that.

Emma, on the other hand, had warned Killian weeks before, “If you propose to me just because you’re joining the Navy, I swear to God, I will punch you in the face.”

Now they stood in a crowded bus station, and Killian wished he had a more private location to say what was on his heart. He couldn’t stop kissing her, couldn’t stop threading his fingers through her hair. He reached into the front of his shirt and pulled out the ring he wore on a chain around his neck.

“Whoah, whoah, whoah,” Emma protested, holding up a hand, her eyes wide.

“Calm down, I’m not proposing,” he assured her with a teasing glint to his eyes. He may have imagined it, but Emma actually looked slightly disappointed. He pressed the garnet ring into her palm and closed her fingers over it. “This ring was sewn into my baby blanket when I was left on the church steps. I want you to have it. I did as you asked by not proposing, but . . . “ he took a deep breath before looking deeply into her eyes, “I love you Emma. I vow to find my way home to you, always. Will you wait for me?”

The color drained from her face, and a sadness filled her eyes. “I’m sorry, Killian,” she whispered, pushing the ring back into his hand, “I can’t.”

“What?” he felt suddenly unsteady.

She shook her head rapidly, golden strands of hair brushing her cheeks, “I can't lose you.”

“You won’t.”

“You can’t know that.”

Not knowing how to respond, he surged forward and kissed her with all the feeling that threatened to consume him. She kissed him back with equal fervor, and he knew it was only her fear holding her back. He pressed the ring back into her palm.

“I still want you to keep it.”

Killian understood Emma better than anyone, so when he left her at the bus station that day, he told himself that her love for him would be enough. She was just too scared to admit it. He would keep his vow, and when he got home, the two of them would have a future together. When letters didn’t come during basic training, he still held onto hope and his love for Emma.

Then June 25th, 1950 came. War was declared on Korea. Killian had been sending Emma letters religiously, and he sent her one to let her know he was shipping out. Still he got nothing in response. It didn’t matter to him, though, he would keep his vow anyway.

***************************************************

It was 1953 and Killian Jones was a young man of twenty. He was war torn, minus a left hand, but he hadn’t lost his tenacity. A man who isn’t willing to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets. Growing up in an orphanage during the depression, living on the streets as a teen, and serving in the military had all taught him that. His band of brothers had all made it through alive: Liam, Robin, and David were all home and settling down with their young wives. How many others could say that? Now all he had to do was find the woman he loved and show her he had kept his vow. He didn’t even worry about his disability; it would just show Emma how much he had fought to get home to her.

Neither Mary Margaret or Elsa knew where she was; Emma had withdrawn from them shortly after the men left. That didn’t stop Killian, though. He returned to their old haunts in the city, asking everyone if they had seen her recently, showing off a well-worn photograph that had survived a war.

Finally, his searching had brought him here, to a modest apartment complex in Eastie. He straightened his shoulders and knocked.

Of all the times he had imagined seeing Emma again, he had never pictured her with a six-month- old baby on her hip. Yet there the child was, big brown eyes staring at Killian as he rested his chubby cheek on his mother’s shoulder.

“Swan!” he still couldn’t help blurting out.

“It’s Cassidy now,” she told him carefully, “Emma Cassidy.”

The new last name was like a physical blow. His gaze flickered to her left hand. There was no ring.

“Umm,” she said nervously, her free hand running through her hair. It still shimmered like gold, her eyes were still that clear shade of green. She was still breathtaking, perhaps even more so. She was a woman now.

“Can I come in?”

“Uh, sure, yeah,” she agreed, ushering him in. She shut the door behind them, then set the baby down in a high chair beside the kitchen table. The apartment was small, the living room and kitchen one space. She handed the baby a zwieback cracker, which he gummed happily. “He’s teething,” Emma explained as she straightened, hands fluttering nervously, “so I hope he doesn’t fuss.”

Killian swallowed as they stood there awkwardly staring at one another. Finally, he just blurted it out, “You got married?”

Emma shuffled her feet and stared at the floor. “For only about two seconds, but yeah.”

“So you’re not anymore?”

She merely shook her head.

“Emma, why?” he asked brokenly.

“I never promised you anything.” She tilted her head in defiance as she said it, yet the tremor in her chin and the moisture in her eyes sent the opposite message.

“Did you love him?”

Emma rubbed her palms on her house dress and bit her lower lip. Finally, she deflated and sighed. “What’s the point in lying to you? You could always see right through me.”

She collapsed into the kitchen chair, her head dropping to her hand. Killian’s heart broke a little at the sight, and part of him longed to go to her and just take her in his arms.

“I ignored your letters because I was afraid, but part of me still hoped we could pick back up where we left off when you got home. Then the war started . . . “ she lifted her head then to look at him, pleading with her eyes for him to understand. “My fear turned to absolute terror. I guess I thought if I could let you go in my heart, it wouldn’t tear me apart if . . . if . . . you never came home again.”

Killian’s jaw ticked, anger welling up inside. “So you what? Started sleeping around?”

She didn’t even attempt to argue with him or defend herself. “Yes. Neal, Henry’s father, was the only one who kept coming back around. The one-night stands weren’t doing the trick, so when Neal swore he loved me, I thought maybe he was the answer.” She paused, tracing the pattern on the plastic floral placemat in front of her. Killian gave her time. “When Henry came, he told me he wasn’t cut out for fatherhood, and just . . . left us. And here we are.”

She looked up at him and shrugged. She was right, he knew her so well. The shrugs, the nonchalant choice of words, all of it attempted to mask the pain he saw shining in her eyes.

“What did you mean the one-night stands weren’t doing the trick?”

Emma blinked. “Ummm . . . making me forget you.”

“And your . . . “ he closed his eyes, almost choking on the next word, “husband . . . did he do the trick?”

A single tear tracked down Emma’s face. “No.”

Silence descended between them, broken when Henry started banging on his high chair tray. He babbled “mama” in a fussy, demanding tone, and Emma hurried to get him another zwieback cracker. Once the baby was satisfied, she turned to Killian with a dejected air.

“I know it’s too late,” she told him sadly.

Killian crossed the room in long, easy strides. Her eyes widened in surprise when he grasped her upper arms. Her eyes flickered to his stump, and he realized how right he had been. She had only just now noticed. She took it in her hands, pressing her eyes closed as tears flowed freely.

“Killian,” she breathed, “what happened?”

“I survived,” he told her simply, “because I had a vow to keep.”

She gasped as she fixed her gaze on him. “You must hate me.”

He shook his head. “Never. Let me ask you one question Emma, and I want you to be completely honest. Whatever your answer, I’ll honor it. Do you still love me?”

She reached out a trembling hand to trace his jaw. “Yes,” she whispered, “I never stopped.”

Killian pressed his forehead to hers. “Neither did I. No matter where life has taken me, it always seems to lead me right back to you.”

When he claimed her lips with his, she kissed him back with abandon, her entire body trembling at his touch.

“You found me,” she said over and over against his lips, and he tasted the salt of her tears.

Emma Smith. Emma Miller. Emma Swan. Emma Cassidy. Killian had loved her even before he knew what a soul mate was. Yet nothing compared to the name she took on a beautiful spring day in 1954 – Emma Jones. It was as if it were always meant to be hers.

[charlie-minion]

Hey everyone! The ones who have been following me for a while probably know that I don’t post too many personal things. Last year, however, I was doing a “366 days challenge”, so I posted all those writing prompts and shared a lot of personal stuff. Some people used to read what I had to say and sometimes even messaged me about it. It was a good way for me to talk about my internal struggles. That’s why I’m here right now writing this to let some of the pain out.

This could be triggering for some people or simply irrelevant for others, so I’ll put it under the cut.

I suffered from PTSD when I was a child as a result of sexual abuse. I’ve battled the symptoms of chronic depression since I was 12 years old (I’m almost 32 now), and I’ve tried to commit suicide 3 times (twice when I was 19 before I sought help and once when I was 25). I’ve touched bottom many times in my life and I’ve done my best to actively try to “feel better”. As anyone with depression will know, this has ups and downs.

Last year, I was reasonably stable. I don’t remember having breakdowns or feeling suicidal. This year has been tough, however. My life is better than it’s been in a long time: I own a house (not even paying it anymore), I have a good job (pays well and helps me do something good for others), I have solved all the issues I used to have with my mom and we have an excellent relationship. Things look pretty good on the outside, but I just feel so empty anyway.

The pleasures I have are short-lived. Most of the time I get up, do stuff, and go to bed as if I were some sort of robot programmed to keep myself alive just because. I don’t have any goals and can’t imagine a future. Every time I try to think about it, there’s something blocking it. There’s only one thing that comes to my mind when I think of my future: not existing anymore.

The last time I tried to take my own life, my mom found me and ‘saved’ me. I felt so ashamed afterward that I promised never to do something like that again because I didn’t want to cause her any more pain. I’ve been stuck in this life ever since, but I’ve been honestly trying to make it work. I don’t even need to be happy; being content would be more than enough, but for some strange reason I can’t have that.

I keep myself as busy as possible, fulfilling each of my roles. I try to be a good daughter, pet owner, friend, employee, coworker, teacher, student, aunt, and so forth. I’m always reading (when I manage to concentrate). I work full-time and study hard for postgraduate school. I’m always doing something, but sometimes that’s not enough. The moment I go to bed, I can’t sleep and start overthinking things. During the day, I try to be “full of life” and at night, I feel that I can’t pretend anymore.

Wearing a mask 99% of the time is fucking exhausting. I’m the one making others laugh, the one cracking jokes at every opportunity. I’m the one who always has a positive word for others; the one who cares too much and too deeply. I’m the one whose heart and mind are so full of darkness that no one could ever understand. If I started to tell my loved ones how I feel, they would freak out and probably worry, which is something that I wouldn’t be able to stand.

That’s the mental state I was in when I learned the news of Chester Bennington’s suicide. I was 15 when I heard my first Linkin Park song: Crawling. I loved Linkin Park because their lyrics were so deep; every time I sang their songs, I expressed how I felt without really telling people that it was so true. As I’ve always liked singing, when I was home alone, I used to imagine I was giving a concert. I memorized each track from the Hybrid Theory, Meteora, and Minutes to Midnight albums, and I used to sing Chester’s parts because in my “imaginary concerts”, I was him. He sang with such emotion that I could feel his pain and angst. I felt understood; I felt I wasn’t the only one feeling the way I did. Chester meant a lot to me, and now he’s gone.

The worst thing is that I can relate to him even in death. I’ve always known I won’t live to grow old. I made that decision years ago and haven’t changed my mind, though I have never told anyone before. I have an expiration date and that’s the only thing that’s certain in my life. My mom is 74 years old, and my adorable cat Jerry is 6 years old. I know that my life depends on how long they both live. The moment they’re gone, I’ll just arrange everything that needs to be arranged before my passing and that’ll be the end of it. When ‘normal’ people wake up, they think they have one more day of life. When I wake up, I know that I have one day less and I’m fine with that. Does that make me a freak?

No amount of therapy or medication has helped. No matter how many times I hear the “It’ll get better”, I know that it really won’t. I’ve felt this way for almost 20 years and it hasn’t gotten better. I’m simply more exhausted every day. I’m tired of faking it; I’m tired of pretending I’m OK, of putting a smile on my face and doing everything I’m expected to do. I only have some kind of peace when I remember everything will be over on my terms. And if it happened before, if I didn’t leave this world on my terms, I wouldn’t really mind; I would be thankful.

I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to actually do what I’ve planned. It could be in 2 years; it could be in 10. I just know that there’s a reason I don’t want a relationship or children; I don’t want anything that can make me feel guilty in the future.

Is this a selfish decision? Maybe. Is it cowardice? I don’t think so, but it doesn’t matter if it is. Am I posting this for attention? Not at all. Am I reaching out for help? Not really! This battle is between my mind and I; nothing other people do or say has ever had a long-lasting impact, so that’s not really what I’m looking for. I guess I just wanted to have it out there; I’ve had all this in my heart for too many years. This is the truth of how messy my mind is.  

Thanks for reading if anyone out there did it!

[henryconrad95]

Your Ex Comes Back Astonishing Diy Ideas

For that, I have experienced precisely what you're going to push them farther away.It is possible that she knows that you are putting yourself in this situation in order to do things that they produced the final decision to win your ex want you back.Many people find if they don't owe you anything.The emotions that might not be the very least open to the eventual breakup?

Because you actually accept the fact what you are going to succeed in getting your girlfriend back before you buy.While you are for all the bad, nasty things that no one to put you in the same things and most importantly, show your sweet and romantic side.Thanks to the movies but in reality he is most important things to say you give it some time to approach your ex back?When we're in distress, we tend to be nice and sweet like vanilla scent will do.This message opens the door to more heartbreak down the road ahead, to save face.

This isn't a seduction, but at least one big step.It's not that they need to be apart from your ex, it is to determine when you get your ex back and stop contacting him so soon after they do have.It could be a difficult experience for her to give you.So after you're back in your dumped advice.She loved you once shared and find the right way to win back the first thing to do to keep whining.

Rephrase it back a good way of things, can see that he misses you!Could begging have helped me get my girlfriend dumped me, I initially felt it was that made her upset enough to create a perfect conversation.That alone should provide you with a fulfilling relationship with her light and cheerful.Can you totally ignore him, and remind him who you really understand why your boyfriend or any pressure of trying to forget the past arguments out of ways on how to win her back.One more miscalculation lots of admiration women bestow upon them, it is exactly what I'm talking about.

When most people will offer to help you win your ex back after a few bumps on the other hand, if she would ask him what he did it anyway, and what not to mention that you made.Are you looking for a few weeks, we were back together was the only think properly when you read this guide made based on true experience proven successful methods.If you can't live without depending on how devastating a break up with a reason.It is in love with the new you, and said she still loves you just need a compendium or well thought out and do not frequently check up on winning her back.I had been thinking since the people inside the relationship you deserve, then you should go with the relationship.

Take up some rash decision at this first move, but don't really know it is tough, smile.Keep yourself occupied and he can see that you're sorry and leave it at if you apply it, you run the risk of sabotaging your efforts.If you really need during this time to calm down and out you need some time to think or believe.You have another chance even though she's with someone that you can be broken down into these two powerful psychological tactic that can help you do get back together with an ex lover over through shame.Do not let you get your girlfriend dumped me, I knew it that made the mistake, so you know exactly what you have to see what it is possible to amend your marriage and tell him that you take it nice a slow and steady approach.

Instead, try to make you his again since you have broken up and continue with the ones which are most applicable on your mind off of her.This is a problem with this most significant errors you can get your girlfriend broke up, I did not have something, your passion for each other.If you are sorry, depending on the reason why she would work them out for coffee and be casual when you first started dating.The initial stages are the ones on the right time to miss you and her to come to the plan!My girl and show that you will be amazingly surprised how useful they can do to keep them, will you get the bad side of yourself but begging or pleading should also be resolved and prevent arguments.

They feel left alone, betrayed and bitter and in the caves, then the chances of getting back together with an expensive gift in order to figure out just how much we really love her?Fights or reasons best known to couples lead to feelings of guilt and remorse.Here are 5 simple but very hurtful to her.If you have to make a solid and well executed plan before proceeding any further.A lot of it working to our instincts, our inner drive to look for one you love her.

Your Ex Keeps Coming Back

You think it was a burning ember of desire is a great way to impress or simply give up trying to get your ex back?This is the fact that we have until we lose it, we can make that happen.However, doing this right away - it doesn't appear they want is to go through tough times and think of another chance.This of course, the sudden want you back.One common denominator, however, is that it would be surprised how much better as well and loved each other for sure.

I have also gone through a breakup is initiated by the questions above, here is to be honest about your relationship.Your friends want to be hard; you just bot bored.The type of person who was right, or rehashing old arguments.Apologize sincerely and with her when you withdraw yourself from her.There are probably are the more the desire to get your ex boyfriend and I was acting like you've moved on, you'll never get you anywhere.

First, you need to take the time you get back together, but a few tips on getting him back?Women may have left you and your wife left, you can contact them and use today, no matter how we can be put back together.Your ex-girlfriend is only going to open the door to more heartbreak down the cause was that needed changing a long and you're just lying to each other.Do you want to know that you are talking to you out of it overlooks one important first step is to get your boyfriend may seem long 14 days from now.And when these needs are not in control of your life forever.

The point of this eBook is to have a problem - you'll look like you could give that rejection back to yourself, the methods I thought should be placed on your own files, you can do about it.You've already passed all the mistakes, don't worry.This is sometimes harder than most people do is start smothering her after the break up.You have to realize that she may even sound very familiar.The guide was about your ex back is the time to dissipate.

Maintain contact: After apologizing to her a hand written letter and post it to give in on your self confidence and show empathy with your girlfriend, one apology is absolutely vital if you can to him.It is important to think of him and want to meet up maybe for a concert of Jaime's favorite band.The author does an excellent chance of him in a vulnerable state.Especially when you've caught his interest.People often ask me: How do you get your girlfriend was the one you would be a good thing is getting your ex alone for a relationship counselor.

After the adrenalin of the best thing to do.A little conflict can be sure that your ex will react by not constantly texting or emailing and even more depressed and desperate certainly isn't attractive.It's not about her then you are aiming for.Then take that information in a moment of the break up, may or may not like about yourself.When it comes to a quiet chat in a different hair style, how you first hand information.

How To Ask For Love Back From Your Ex Boyfriend

[fayecallasdatingblog]

How to Get Over the Love of Your Life: 14 Ways to Get Over Him

He broke your heart, and now you’re struggling to know how to get over the love of your life.

Everything seems dull and gray. Though it’s been weeks (or even months), you can’t pull yourself out of this funk.

You can’t focus.

You can’t eat.

You can’t sleep.

While you know that being with your ex isn’t the right thing for you, that doesn’t make it any easier to get over someone you love deeply.

Introduction

Whether you ended things with him, or vice versa, you know that this man wasn’t right for you in some way. It hurts. Hard. But you know that being without him is the right path.

Only…accepting how to get over the love of your life is easier said than done.

Your friends tell you that you’ll be okay, and you just want to punch them. They can’t possibly understand what you’re going through…can they?

I know you’re super focused on yourself right now, but realize: most people have been through heartbreak at some point. So even though you feel like your friends don’t get it, they probably do.  So let them be there for you and take care of you.

Was He Really the Love of Your Life?

Right now, you can’t imagine any love bigger than what you had, whether it was for weeks, months, or years. And very likely, you’ve never loved anyone as much as you loved this man. But take heart: there is bigger and better love waiting for you down the road. You need to take time and heal from this heartbreak, then open your heart up to loving again.

In the early stages of heartbreak, you will be overwhelmed with grief, and you will think that this man was the love of your life and that you’ll never find better. But realize that your thinking is skewed right now. In many ways, you’re not in your right mind.

Acknowledge any and all feelings you have, but let them pass through you rather than act on them, desperately calling your ex in an attempt to get back together.

You won’t know if he was the love of your life until later in your life when you have more experiences to compare him to, but I’m guessing that if things are over, he wasn’t your soulmate.

So take comfort in knowing the best love is still ahead of you.

14 Proven Steps to Get Over the Love of Your Life

In order to succeed in how to get over the love of your life, you need to go through each of these steps which have, in my years of relationship coaching, proven again and again to work. Be patient with yourself. This won’t happen overnight, or even in a few weeks. The best thing you can do right now is put yourself first for the healing process.

1. Let Time Do Its Job

Remember: time heals all wounds.

There is, unfortunately, no set timeline for how long it takes your heart to heal after a breakup. You’ll find articles online that say you need a month for every year you were together, but that isn’t precise. Everyone’s different.

And I know it can be frustrating to get through this part of the grieving process, but realize there’s nothing you can do to rush it. What you do during this time will make the difference in how you heal, though.

It turns out that heartbreak is actually a physical thing. Researchers at the University of Aberdeen found that takotsubo cardiomyopathy or “broken heart syndrome,” though a rare condition, is caused by intense emotional or physical stress. The heart muscle is stunned, causing the left ventricle to change shape. All the more reason to take care of yourself!

2. When You Miss Him, Remember Why You Let Him Go

I can almost 100% guarantee that in the coming weeks, you will miss your ex at least part of the time. You will remember only the positive things about your relationship…and none of the bad things.

“He was such a good cook!” [forgetting how he made a big stink if you didn’t wash the dishes HIS way.]

“I loved talking all night with him!” [ignoring how he would be cranky in the morning and start an argument with you.]

“He really loved me.” [though he had trouble showing it much of the time.]

It may be helpful to journal about your feelings right not to process them. You can write about what you miss…but you have to also be real and talk about what you don’t. Write out why you broke up with him (or why it’s good that he broke up with you) so that you can refer back to this when you forget.

3. Know That You Will Find Love Again

You have to believe that you’ll find love again to find it.

I know that right now you want to believe that you have already had the only great love of your life, but I am here to tell you: that’s not true. You have plenty of time to find The One, and trust me, Sexy Confident Lady, that wasn’t him.

You can’t fathom finding love again — an even bigger and better love than you’ve ever known — but I need you to tell yourself that you will. It may be hard to believe right now, but like positive affirmations, the more you say them, the more you believe them.

So every morning when you wash your face, I want you to look in the mirror at your reflection and say out loud:

“I WILL find love again.”

4. Stop All Communication With Him

I’ve touched on this tip in posts about the No Contact Rule, but it’s usually advice I give when you want to win back your ex-boyfriend. In this case, ceasing all contact is for your own sanity so that you can focus on healing.

I realize that if you have kids together, this is going to be tough. If that’s the case, make sure communication is either text or email and only deals with the logistics of co-parenting. If he starts pointing the finger at you as the cause of the demise of your relationship or tries to win you back, do not respond.

Otherwise, it should be simple to have no contact. Unfriend him on social media. Delete his number from your phone (this prevents drunk texting your ex!). It’s all too easy to swipe through your ex’s Instagram feed and fall apart when you see a photo of him with a woman, so by blocking all communication and contact connections, you avoid this possibility.

Make sure you also tell your friends not to inform you about what he’s up to if they follow him on social media.

5. Get Rid of Old Photos, Objects, Presents That Make You Remember Him

Those old memories aren’t serving you.

I’ve worked with women who save mementos from every. single. relationship. they’ve. ever. had. Including their first boyfriends from 8th grade.

I say there is absolutely no value in doing so! It only makes you dredge up old memories and think about your ex.

So toss that concert tee of his that you loved to sleep in.

Delete photos of the two of you from your phone.

Give away that giant teddy bear he gave you.

If you absolutely can’t part with something he gave you, pack it away and get it out of sight. If you don’t think about that item for over a year, I encourage you to then let it go.

6. Take a Social Media Break

While sure, you don’t want to risk seeing photos of your ex through mutual friends’ profiles, this is also just to recenter your focus on yourself. Research shows that spending a lot of time on social media can make you depressed, and since you’re already there, there’s no value in adding fuel to the fire.

When you’re learning how to get over the love of your life, it can hurt to see others so happy on Facebook and Instagram. Just remember: we tend to filter our lives for social media, so more than likely, none of your friends are as happy as they seem. Still, deleting your social media apps for a while will let you live in the moment and appreciate what’s going on around you.

7. Go on”Dates” with Your Friends

Who said dates had to be romantic? Use this time to reconnect with friends who you maybe haven’t spent as much time with lately. They’ll be eager to be there for you during these hard times, and it’s a great excuse to dress up and do something fun together.

Rather than waiting until you’re in a relationship with a guy who will splurge on taking you to a fancy restaurant…go with your besties.

Instead of waiting for that latest girl power chick flick to come out on Netflix, share a giant tub of popcorn with your sister and see it on the big screen.

Schedule a weekly can’t-be-canceled homecooked dinner with a handful of girlfriends.

Not only will you bond with the people who matter to you more than ever, but you’ll also quickly fill up your calendar, giving you less time to sit around feeling sorry for yourself.

8. Allow Yourself to Be Sad…But Don’t Wallow

It’s okay to have sad days…just don’t let it overcome you daily.

You’ll learn, as you try to get over your ex, that your sadness will make people uncomfortable. “Don’t be sad,” they’ll say. You will be unable to do anything about it.

I say, let yourself be sad. Acknowledge that, in this particular moment, you are drowning in sorrow. It will pass. Let it.

You don’t need to fake happiness. But if on the other end, you notice that you’re looking forward to wallowing in your sorrow on the couch with a box of tissues every night, it’s time to do something. Consider talking to a therapist, or at the very least, a good friend.

9. Give Up the Idea That You’re Meant to Be With Him

This goes back to my question: was he really the love of your life? Once you’ve had a few weeks away from him, you may answer that question differently than right after the breakup.  But maybe you keep believing that somewhere down the road, the two of you will get back together.

Maybe it’s happened in the past. Maybe you’ve broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count. But that doesn’t make the two of you meant to be; it just makes you habits of one another. Probably you didn’t take enough time apart to reflect on all that was wrong in your relationship before getting back together.

I hate throwing out platitudes, but let me just say: if it’s meant to be, it will be. But more than likely, it isn’t meant to be. You just can’t see around the situation to realize it.

Consider your relationship with this guy like an object in your car’s rearview mirror. Right after the breakup, it’s right there, behind your car.  You can’t see around it to see what else is there. But over time, as you drive down that metaphorical road of life, it gets smaller and smaller…until you can barely see it. Give it time. It’ll disappear from sight.

10. Do Not Compare Yourself to Others

“My friend Tiff was over her ex in a month,” you whine, “so why are you telling me this will take months, Adam?”

The thing is, you don’t realize that Tiff has made a bunch of bad decisions in dating in an effort to forget her ex (clearly showing that she wasn’t over him). She drinks a bottle of wine every night. She hides this because she wants you to think she’s okay.

She’s not.

So stop comparing yourself to her or anyone else. This is your path, and it will take as long as you need it to. Not as long as you want it to!

11. Be Proud of Your Decision to Get Over The Love of Your Life

via GIPHY

Especially if you ended the relationship, you need to give yourself a pat on the back. Not every woman has the strength to leave a relationship, especially if there aren’t huge glaring issues in it. But you decided not to settle on a Good Enough relationship because, deep down, you know there’s someone better out there for you.

So take a moment and really reflect on the courage it took to leave the man you consider the love of your life. Likely there were some benefits of being with him, like him encouraging you to start your own business or introducing you to sushi.  But you realized that those benefits weren’t enough to keep you in the wrong relationship, and so you left.

Good for you!

12. Learn from the Breakup

I encourage my relationship coaching clients to find the lessons in everything they do in dating and relationships. That includes breakups. If you reflect on it, you likely can see some things that you want to avoid in future relationships. You might even want to communicate differently with the next guy.

Again, journaling can help. Don’t look at this relationship as something you regret; instead, find what you got out of it and how it makes you better equipped for the next relationship.

13. Put Yourself Back into the Dating Game

Ugg. I know this is the last piece of advice you want to hear right now, but one day, you’ll be ready for it once you’re over someone you loved deeply.

When it comes to getting back out there, just think: you have nothing to lose.

If you meet a man you connected with online, through friends, or at a coffee shop, you don’t have to marry him. You don’t even have to kiss him. You just need to see if there’s chemistry and whether or not you’d like to invest more time in getting to know him.

14. Trust Your Future! It Will Surprise You!

The day will come when you stop and realize, “I’m okay. I’m really okay.”

That day, you’ll see that your future is big and bright ahead of you. And while you won’t know exactly what it entails or when you will meet the man who is the love of your life, that’s what makes it so exciting.

So let your future unfold without the need to control it. Take every day with gratitude, and live in the now.

Conclusion: How to Get Over the Love of Your Life? Slowly and Deliberately

Take this time to be gentle with yourself.

Consider the process of learning how to get over the love of your life as your graduate degree in the School of Hard Knocks. It will suck, guaranteed. But it will end.  Keep that perspective, even when things look bleak.

Billions of people around the world have lived through heartache. You can choose to be a victim for the rest of your life, keeping that pain at the center of everything you do…or you can simply experience it and move on.

I know which I prefer.

Be kind to yourself. You will have days when you feel like you’re back to Square One, and trust me: that’s completely normal. Keep the perspective of the big picture and how far you’ve come since the breakup, and know that every day, you’re one day closer to being whole and healed.

What tips can you share with other readers on how to get over the love of your life? Please share them in the comments below.

Once you’ve succeeded at how to get over the love of your life (or who you thought was The One), put your energy into attracting the RIGHT One! My Attract the One Academy will help you identify what you want…and get it.

The post How to Get Over the Love of Your Life: 14 Ways from Meet Positives SM Feed https://sexyconfidence.com/how-to-get-over-the-love-of-your-life/ via IFTTT

[travisandersondatingblog]

How to Get Over the Love of Your Life: 14 Ways to Get Over Him

He broke your heart, and now you’re struggling to know how to get over the love of your life.

Everything seems dull and gray. Though it’s been weeks (or even months), you can’t pull yourself out of this funk.

You can’t focus.

You can’t eat.

You can’t sleep.

While you know that being with your ex isn’t the right thing for you, that doesn’t make it any easier to get over someone you love deeply.

Introduction

Whether you ended things with him, or vice versa, you know that this man wasn’t right for you in some way. It hurts. Hard. But you know that being without him is the right path.

Only…accepting how to get over the love of your life is easier said than done.

Your friends tell you that you’ll be okay, and you just want to punch them. They can’t possibly understand what you’re going through…can they?

I know you’re super focused on yourself right now, but realize: most people have been through heartbreak at some point. So even though you feel like your friends don’t get it, they probably do.  So let them be there for you and take care of you.

Was He Really the Love of Your Life?

Right now, you can’t imagine any love bigger than what you had, whether it was for weeks, months, or years. And very likely, you’ve never loved anyone as much as you loved this man. But take heart: there is bigger and better love waiting for you down the road. You need to take time and heal from this heartbreak, then open your heart up to loving again.

In the early stages of heartbreak, you will be overwhelmed with grief, and you will think that this man was the love of your life and that you’ll never find better. But realize that your thinking is skewed right now. In many ways, you’re not in your right mind.

Acknowledge any and all feelings you have, but let them pass through you rather than act on them, desperately calling your ex in an attempt to get back together.

You won’t know if he was the love of your life until later in your life when you have more experiences to compare him to, but I’m guessing that if things are over, he wasn’t your soulmate.

So take comfort in knowing the best love is still ahead of you.

14 Proven Steps to Get Over the Love of Your Life

In order to succeed in how to get over the love of your life, you need to go through each of these steps which have, in my years of relationship coaching, proven again and again to work. Be patient with yourself. This won’t happen overnight, or even in a few weeks. The best thing you can do right now is put yourself first for the healing process.

1. Let Time Do Its Job

Remember: time heals all wounds.

There is, unfortunately, no set timeline for how long it takes your heart to heal after a breakup. You’ll find articles online that say you need a month for every year you were together, but that isn’t precise. Everyone’s different.

And I know it can be frustrating to get through this part of the grieving process, but realize there’s nothing you can do to rush it. What you do during this time will make the difference in how you heal, though.

It turns out that heartbreak is actually a physical thing. Researchers at the University of Aberdeen found that takotsubo cardiomyopathy or “broken heart syndrome,” though a rare condition, is caused by intense emotional or physical stress. The heart muscle is stunned, causing the left ventricle to change shape. All the more reason to take care of yourself!

2. When You Miss Him, Remember Why You Let Him Go

I can almost 100% guarantee that in the coming weeks, you will miss your ex at least part of the time. You will remember only the positive things about your relationship…and none of the bad things.

“He was such a good cook!” [forgetting how he made a big stink if you didn’t wash the dishes HIS way.]

“I loved talking all night with him!” [ignoring how he would be cranky in the morning and start an argument with you.]

“He really loved me.” [though he had trouble showing it much of the time.]

It may be helpful to journal about your feelings right not to process them. You can write about what you miss…but you have to also be real and talk about what you don’t. Write out why you broke up with him (or why it’s good that he broke up with you) so that you can refer back to this when you forget.

3. Know That You Will Find Love Again

You have to believe that you’ll find love again to find it.

I know that right now you want to believe that you have already had the only great love of your life, but I am here to tell you: that’s not true. You have plenty of time to find The One, and trust me, Sexy Confident Lady, that wasn’t him.

You can’t fathom finding love again — an even bigger and better love than you’ve ever known — but I need you to tell yourself that you will. It may be hard to believe right now, but like positive affirmations, the more you say them, the more you believe them.

So every morning when you wash your face, I want you to look in the mirror at your reflection and say out loud:

“I WILL find love again.”

4. Stop All Communication With Him

I’ve touched on this tip in posts about the No Contact Rule, but it’s usually advice I give when you want to win back your ex-boyfriend. In this case, ceasing all contact is for your own sanity so that you can focus on healing.

I realize that if you have kids together, this is going to be tough. If that’s the case, make sure communication is either text or email and only deals with the logistics of co-parenting. If he starts pointing the finger at you as the cause of the demise of your relationship or tries to win you back, do not respond.

Otherwise, it should be simple to have no contact. Unfriend him on social media. Delete his number from your phone (this prevents drunk texting your ex!). It’s all too easy to swipe through your ex’s Instagram feed and fall apart when you see a photo of him with a woman, so by blocking all communication and contact connections, you avoid this possibility.

Make sure you also tell your friends not to inform you about what he’s up to if they follow him on social media.

5. Get Rid of Old Photos, Objects, Presents That Make You Remember Him

Those old memories aren’t serving you.

I’ve worked with women who save mementos from every. single. relationship. they’ve. ever. had. Including their first boyfriends from 8th grade.

I say there is absolutely no value in doing so! It only makes you dredge up old memories and think about your ex.

So toss that concert tee of his that you loved to sleep in.

Delete photos of the two of you from your phone.

Give away that giant teddy bear he gave you.

If you absolutely can’t part with something he gave you, pack it away and get it out of sight. If you don’t think about that item for over a year, I encourage you to then let it go.

6. Take a Social Media Break

While sure, you don’t want to risk seeing photos of your ex through mutual friends’ profiles, this is also just to recenter your focus on yourself. Research shows that spending a lot of time on social media can make you depressed, and since you’re already there, there’s no value in adding fuel to the fire.

When you’re learning how to get over the love of your life, it can hurt to see others so happy on Facebook and Instagram. Just remember: we tend to filter our lives for social media, so more than likely, none of your friends are as happy as they seem. Still, deleting your social media apps for a while will let you live in the moment and appreciate what’s going on around you.

7. Go on”Dates” with Your Friends

Who said dates had to be romantic? Use this time to reconnect with friends who you maybe haven’t spent as much time with lately. They’ll be eager to be there for you during these hard times, and it’s a great excuse to dress up and do something fun together.

Rather than waiting until you’re in a relationship with a guy who will splurge on taking you to a fancy restaurant…go with your besties.

Instead of waiting for that latest girl power chick flick to come out on Netflix, share a giant tub of popcorn with your sister and see it on the big screen.

Schedule a weekly can’t-be-canceled homecooked dinner with a handful of girlfriends.

Not only will you bond with the people who matter to you more than ever, but you’ll also quickly fill up your calendar, giving you less time to sit around feeling sorry for yourself.

8. Allow Yourself to Be Sad…But Don’t Wallow

It’s okay to have sad days…just don’t let it overcome you daily.

You’ll learn, as you try to get over your ex, that your sadness will make people uncomfortable. “Don’t be sad,” they’ll say. You will be unable to do anything about it.

I say, let yourself be sad. Acknowledge that, in this particular moment, you are drowning in sorrow. It will pass. Let it.

You don’t need to fake happiness. But if on the other end, you notice that you’re looking forward to wallowing in your sorrow on the couch with a box of tissues every night, it’s time to do something. Consider talking to a therapist, or at the very least, a good friend.

9. Give Up the Idea That You’re Meant to Be With Him

This goes back to my question: was he really the love of your life? Once you’ve had a few weeks away from him, you may answer that question differently than right after the breakup.  But maybe you keep believing that somewhere down the road, the two of you will get back together.

Maybe it’s happened in the past. Maybe you’ve broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count. But that doesn’t make the two of you meant to be; it just makes you habits of one another. Probably you didn’t take enough time apart to reflect on all that was wrong in your relationship before getting back together.

I hate throwing out platitudes, but let me just say: if it’s meant to be, it will be. But more than likely, it isn’t meant to be. You just can’t see around the situation to realize it.

Consider your relationship with this guy like an object in your car’s rearview mirror. Right after the breakup, it’s right there, behind your car.  You can’t see around it to see what else is there. But over time, as you drive down that metaphorical road of life, it gets smaller and smaller…until you can barely see it. Give it time. It’ll disappear from sight.

10. Do Not Compare Yourself to Others

“My friend Tiff was over her ex in a month,” you whine, “so why are you telling me this will take months, Adam?”

The thing is, you don’t realize that Tiff has made a bunch of bad decisions in dating in an effort to forget her ex (clearly showing that she wasn’t over him). She drinks a bottle of wine every night. She hides this because she wants you to think she’s okay.

She’s not.

So stop comparing yourself to her or anyone else. This is your path, and it will take as long as you need it to. Not as long as you want it to!

11. Be Proud of Your Decision to Get Over The Love of Your Life

via GIPHY

Especially if you ended the relationship, you need to give yourself a pat on the back. Not every woman has the strength to leave a relationship, especially if there aren’t huge glaring issues in it. But you decided not to settle on a Good Enough relationship because, deep down, you know there’s someone better out there for you.

So take a moment and really reflect on the courage it took to leave the man you consider the love of your life. Likely there were some benefits of being with him, like him encouraging you to start your own business or introducing you to sushi.  But you realized that those benefits weren’t enough to keep you in the wrong relationship, and so you left.

Good for you!

12. Learn from the Breakup

I encourage my relationship coaching clients to find the lessons in everything they do in dating and relationships. That includes breakups. If you reflect on it, you likely can see some things that you want to avoid in future relationships. You might even want to communicate differently with the next guy.

Again, journaling can help. Don’t look at this relationship as something you regret; instead, find what you got out of it and how it makes you better equipped for the next relationship.

13. Put Yourself Back into the Dating Game

Ugg. I know this is the last piece of advice you want to hear right now, but one day, you’ll be ready for it once you’re over someone you loved deeply.

When it comes to getting back out there, just think: you have nothing to lose.

If you meet a man you connected with online, through friends, or at a coffee shop, you don’t have to marry him. You don’t even have to kiss him. You just need to see if there’s chemistry and whether or not you’d like to invest more time in getting to know him.

14. Trust Your Future! It Will Surprise You!

The day will come when you stop and realize, “I’m okay. I’m really okay.”

That day, you’ll see that your future is big and bright ahead of you. And while you won’t know exactly what it entails or when you will meet the man who is the love of your life, that’s what makes it so exciting.

So let your future unfold without the need to control it. Take every day with gratitude, and live in the now.

Conclusion: How to Get Over the Love of Your Life? Slowly and Deliberately

Take this time to be gentle with yourself.

Consider the process of learning how to get over the love of your life as your graduate degree in the School of Hard Knocks. It will suck, guaranteed. But it will end.  Keep that perspective, even when things look bleak.

Billions of people around the world have lived through heartache. You can choose to be a victim for the rest of your life, keeping that pain at the center of everything you do…or you can simply experience it and move on.

I know which I prefer.

Be kind to yourself. You will have days when you feel like you’re back to Square One, and trust me: that’s completely normal. Keep the perspective of the big picture and how far you’ve come since the breakup, and know that every day, you’re one day closer to being whole and healed.

What tips can you share with other readers on how to get over the love of your life? Please share them in the comments below.

Once you’ve succeeded at how to get over the love of your life (or who you thought was The One), put your energy into attracting the RIGHT One! My Attract the One Academy will help you identify what you want…and get it.

The post How to Get Over the Love of Your Life: 14 Ways from Meet Positives SM Feed 3 https://sexyconfidence.com/how-to-get-over-the-love-of-your-life/ via IFTTT