#cee wrote this mess

[kristannafever]

Second Chances

Kristanna Modern AU Rated: Explicit (See tags) WC: 3163

Summary: It's been eight months since Anna's ex broke up with her in a brutal way. Her concerned sister sets her up on a date, and when she meets Kristoff, it does not go well. Afterward, upon getting an earful from Elsa, Anna realizes her mistake and goes about making things right. What happens between them afterward gives them each a second chance at love and the life they both want to have.

------------

“Anna, I am breaking up with you.”

Anna nearly choked on the sip of coffee she had just taken.  She stared at her boyfriend with wide eyes, not sure what she had just heard.  “What?”

“It’s over.”

Panic began to well in the pit of her stomach.  Her hands started to shake as she set the coffee mug back down on the table.  “What do you mean?”

He heaved a dramatic sigh.  “You heard me.  We’re done.”

“Where is this coming from,” she pleaded, getting up and walking over to where he was standing in the kitchen.   He’d just gotten back from his run.  When he left the house, it was as if nothing was any different.  And now he was telling her that they were done?

He rolled his eyes.  “Oh come on, Anna.  We haven’t had sex in weeks.  And when we do, you’re so…” he moved his hands around like he was fishing for the word, “…uninspired.   I mean, you don’t even give good blow jobs.”

Tears welled up in her eyes.   She had thought the problems they were facing were just a bit of a slump.  Just the day before she’d gone out and bought some sexy lingerie to surprise him with after the romantic dinner they had planned for that weekend.   Was that not happening now?

“Oh, and just so you know,” he said casually as he turned away, “I’ve started seeing other women.  So I can get… you know… taken care of.   You don’t even know how to kiss properly.”

Anna felt sick to her stomach, watching helplessly after him as he walked towards their bedroom to take a shower.  Despite having said some mean things to her from time to time, what he had just said was downright cruel, and she felt ashamed of herself.  She felt stupid and pathetic. 

Wiping her eyes, she went back to the table and sat down slowly, staring into her morning coffee that she’d actually been enjoying only a moment ago, trying to figure out in her mind what had just happened.  The long and short of it?  She didn’t please him and he’d been seeing other women. 

How had she not known this?  She had thought everything was just… normal.   He had never been a very enthusiastic lover, and he always met his end while Anna had to often take care of herself, and now she had to wonder if it was because she was just that bad at pleasing a man?

He'd been her first serious boyfriend.  Her first real love.  The first guy she’d ever moved out with.  And now all that was coming crashing down around her.   Three years of her life, gone, just like that.

Anna buried her head into her hands and sobbed.

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

“This is a nice place, Anna.”

Anna didn’t respond, she just let her sister in without a word.  The apartment had been his, of course she had to move out when he dumped her. 

Her sister turned around at Anna’s silence.  “You know I hate that man for what he did to you.”

“I know,” Anna said through a sigh.  “I hate him too.”  She told Elsa that he had cheated on her but she did not tell her sister the awful things that her ex had said to her.  And they hadn’t ended in the kitchen that day.  She had begged and pleaded with him for hours afterwards and was met with yet more harsh comments on what an awful woman she was.

Anna led them into the living room and poured them each a glass of red wine from the bottle that was sitting on the coffee table.   She watched her sister as her eyes went around, taking in the small apartment before settling onto her gaze.      

“So, have you been on any dates?”

“Elsa…” Anna sighed with frustration.  “Why won’t you drop it?”

“Anna, it’s been what?  Eight months?  You need to move on.”

Anna was silent and looked down into her wine.  She knew she needed to move on, but how could she do that?  Apparently, she had nothing to offer a man.  What possible hope did she have of making something work.

Elsa set her wine glass down on the table and turned towards her on the couch.  “I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to get out here sooner.  Work has been incredibly demanding, only now that I see you, I feel like that is a pathetic excuse.”

She frowned.  Did she really look that bad?  “It’s okay, Elsa.  I know how important your job is.  And you still call me almost every night.”

“I do, which is probably why you’re tired of telling me you need to get back out there.  You have to see that it’s time to live your life again, don’t you?”

Anna did know that.  And she wanted to, desperately.  But what man would want her?  She’d been hit on a few times only to brush the guy off knowing that she would end up disappointing him in the end.   If she was honest with herself, she didn’t think she’d be able to stomach going through that again.

“Listen, Anna.  I have a friend who’s fairly new to our firm who happens to have moved from here.  She has a brother, and she says-”

Anna’s eyes went wide.  “No way, Elsa.  I am absolutely not about to be set up right now.”

“Please, Anna.”  Elsa reached out and grabbed her free hand.  “For me?   Please?  You can’t be afraid to start dating again.”

She pulled her hand away from her sisters and set the wine down on the coffee table as she got up.  “No.  Absolutely not.”

Elsa followed her as she walked into the kitchen.  “Give me one good reason why you won’t?” her sister demanded. 

Anna pursed her lips.  She would never breathe a word of what her ex had said to her to another living soul, and that was giving her little option for an excuse.   “I… don’t want to.”

Her sister put her hands on her hips.  “It’s just one date.  Who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky.  Maybe what you need is a night of hot sex to get back on the horse.”

Her face lit up with heat.  “What the fuck, Elsa?  I do not need to hear that coming from my sister.”  Not only that, she did not need a reminder of how awful she was in bed.  It was a constant source of shame that hung over her head.

Elsa gave her a gentle smile.  “Sorry.  I was just trying to make a point.  You have to stop keeping yourself from things that make you happy.  You haven’t even gone to the gym or hung out with your friends since you left your ex.”

“He dumped me, but yeah, I know I haven’t.”

“You need to start living again.”

Anna heaved a deep sigh.  Perhaps it was time.  She’d certainly seen plenty of men who she thought were attractive.  Enough that she’d pleasured herself to the thoughts of being with a man again.  That at least she knew she wasn’t bad at.  In fact, she was practically an expert at getting herself off now. 

“Can I tell my friend yes?”

Anna looked to her sister’s pleading eyes.  “Fine.  One date.”

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

The bar was packed, making it hard for Anna to pick out the man that she was supposed to meet.  She’d been given a general description.  Tall guy, big build, blond…  Anna had formed many mental pictures in her mind of what he might actually look like.

She was told that he’d be somewhere in the bar waiting for her, and every blond Anna looked at seemed to already be on a date or clearly out with a group of friends.  The guy Anna was looking for was supposed to be alone.

She muscled her way to the bar where groups of people were gathered around the stools and talking, waiting on drinks.  Then she spotted a blond man sitting at the end, surrounded by women.  The guy was absolutely huge; his t-shirt stretched tight over his biceps and chest.  And he was gorgeous.  His rugged handsomeness was undeniable.  That was why there were women all over him.

Thinking that couldn’t be her date, Anna went to turn away, when his eyes caught hers and widened with something like recognition.

“Hey, are you Anna?” he called to her over the music and loud conversations

She nodded, not wanting to shout back to him, and he got up from his stool and approached her.  Every single woman he was surrounded by watched all of his movements with lusty interest.

His imposing height loomed over her. “I’m Kristoff,” he said, sticking out his hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Anna responded, shaking it and thinking it wasn’t nice at all.  Not after he’d been hanging out with all those stunning women while waiting for her to show up for their date.  What the hell?  Who does that?

“They’re super busy and wouldn’t let me grab a table until you showed up,” he said.

He already sounded bored.  What the hell had Anna gotten herself into.  “Okay.”

Kristoff shrugged and took off to find a table.  Anna followed, kind of hoping they wouldn’t find one.  The guy was clearly someone who could get whoever he wanted and probably often did. 

Towards the back of the bar near the bathrooms, he spied an open table and made a b-line to it.  Anna sat on the stool across from him and put her purse on the edge of the high table.

He smiled.  “It’s quieter over here too.”

There was nothing but cool confidence behind that smile and Anna squirmed again thinking of how many gorgeous women had been salivating over him moments before.  “You sure didn’t waste your time talking to the other ladies, I see.”

He frowned.  “They were talking to me.  I wasn’t talking to them.”

Anna rolled her eyes.  “Sure.  A guy like you must just hate it when women hang all over him.”

His unhappy face turned into a scowl.  “What are you saying?”

“Look, I agreed to go on this date, but not with a player, okay?”

Kristoff became emotionless.  “Have me pegged, do you?” he asked evenly.

Anna could only shrug.  “It’s not that hard to figure out.  The reason a guy who looks like you is single, is that he wants to stay single.”

He stared at her, expression impossible to read.

“Lets just save us both time.  I refuse to be a conquest, so you can just go back to all those ladies at the bar who can barely keep it in their pants.”  Anna got up, keeping her eyes off his unreadable face, feeling relieved.  She didn’t even want to go on this date in the first place.  She was almost glad that this guy, as hot as he was, wasn’t going to work out.

Anna spared him a glance as she turned away and was a little shocked to see profound sadness in his eyes.  It was almost enough for her to turn back around and say something. 

Almost. 

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

Anna looked at her ringing phone.  It was Elsa.  She let out a long sigh and answered.  “Hello?”

“What the fuck, Anna?  Why the hell did you brush off that date last night?”

She groaned inwardly.  This was not a conversation she wanted to have.  “He wasn’t my type.”

“Bullshit!  My friend talked to her brother and he told her what you said to him.  That was pretty awful, Anna.”

She frowned.  Had it been?  She was only speaking the truth.  “Well… you didn’t tell me the guy was a total player.”

Elsa huffed with frustration.  “He’s not!  He hasn’t been on a date in a year!”

“Elsa, he had women, and I mean gorgeous women, all over him when I arrived at the bar.”

“And he was what?  Flirting with them?”

Anna thought back to the scene at the bar.  One of the women had her hand on his arm and was talking his ear off, another one giving him fuck me eyes from his other side, two behind him waiting for their turn, and he was… sitting there.  He was staring at something.  Or was it nothing.  Then he’d looked over and his eyes had widened… they kind of looked a little… well at the time it looked like recognition but thinking back, they seemed a little more… relieved?

Anna gasped.  “Oh no, what have I done?”

Her sister sighed.  “Anna, you might need to talk to someone.  I don’t know what Hans did to you, but it was something.   I have doubts that he was never abusive to you even though you assured me that he never was.”

“He said some mean things, Elsa.  That’s all.”  Anna would give her that much, no more.  Not ever.  No one would ever know of her humiliation.

There was silence on the other end of the line for a beat.  “So maybe you said some things you didn’t mean to a nice guy because you are still so scared of putting yourself out there?”

Anna’s stomach rolled with unease to think about the hurtful way she’d brushed Kristoff off.  “Yeah.  I guess I am.”

“Well, at least you can recognise that.”

“Elsa, I feel terrible.  Is there any way I can get his number?  To apologise?”

“Well…I can ask my friend, although I have to warn you, she was pretty pissed that you treated her brother that way.”

“Please try, Elsa.  I feel awful and I need to tell him that I am sorry.”

“Alright.  I’ll call you back in five, okay?”

“Okay.”  Anna hung up the phone and rung it in her hands.  She could not believe she’d been so mean to someone and tears sprung in her eyes.  It made her feel terrible to think she’d said something hurtful to someone.  It reminded her of what her ex had said to her, and that Kristoff guy did not deserve that, even if he was a player.

Her phone rang in her hands and startled her to the point she almost threw it across the room.  “Hello?”

“Okay, I got the number.”

“Oh, thank you, Elsa.  Thank you so much.”  She sniffed.  “And tell your friend-”

“Anna, are you crying?”

She nodded and started to sob.  “I feel so bad, Elsa.  I was so mean to that poor man.  Please tell your friend to tell her brother that I am so sorry and that he can expect me to contact him to say so that I can apologize and-”

“Anna… Anna!”

She sniffed and reigned in her emotions.  This was insane.  She needed to get a grip on herself.  For all those months she carried all that hurt when her ex broke up with her and it was all starting to come out after treating someone else poorly.  It was becoming a little clearer to her that there were some issues she was going to have to deal with, and soon.

“Anna?”

Sniff.  “Yeah?”

“You need to stop beating yourself up about this, okay?”

“What if he doesn’t accept my apology?” Anna asked, wiping her damp cheeks. 

“Well, then I guess you just have to live with it.”

She shoulders slumped, suddenly exhausted.  “Yeah.  I guess I made the bed I have to lie in it.”

Her sister was silent on the other end for a moment.  “Whatever happens, Anna… it’ll be okay.  Everything will be okay.  You’ll have plenty of other chances.”

Anna nodded to herself, steeling her emotions for the text she was about to send.  “I know.  Thank you, Elsa.”

*****

Kristoff looked at the text from the number that he did not know, and set the phone down in contemplation.

He knew it was coming.  His sister had called him and given him the heads up she’d passed his number along to the woman who was so rude to him last night.  To say he was conflicted was an understatement. 

He hadn’t been hurt like that in a while.  Which was weird because he didn’t know this woman.  It was just that she passed him off so easily that it made him second guess himself a bit.  In retrospect, he should have been ruder to the women vying for his attention at the bar.  Why couldn’t this Anna understand that he had absolutely zero interest in them.  Instead, she’d taken one look at him and decided he was one of those pigs that used women as conquests.  And that fucking hurt.

That was why he’d agreed to be set up.  Trying to meet someone on line or even in a club brought out all the wrong kinds of women for him.  He had yet to meet someone that was looking for something serious, not just some fun fling or one night stand. 

He sighed, and read the message again.

Hi Kristoff, this is Anna, the woman who was rude to you last night and who you wish you probably never met.  I need to say that I am sorry for how I acted and what I said to you.  Clearly! I have issues to deal with.  I would hope you have it in your heart to meet me quickly so that I may apologize in person.  If you wish to never talk to me again though, I completely understand.  If I don’t hear back from you in a couple of days, I will assume I have my answer and delete your number.   I am sorry.

It read like an email, and quite frankly a little bit of a cry for help.  He certainly had his own issues, and he could not deny that her acknowledging her own had softened his attitude towards how she had treated him.  It wasn’t like he was exactly innocent of never behaving poorly when he was dealing with things.  When his sister had let him know to expect her to contact him, he just shrugged and assumed he’d delete the message and move on.  Only having read it and its sincerity…

He started typing.

Hi Anna.  Thank you for reaching out.  Please don’t be too hard on yourself.  If you would like to talk, we could meet for a coffee?

He read it three times and hit send before he changed his mind.  He’d just set his phone down when it dinged.

He chuckled.  “That was fast.”

Thank you so much Kristoff!  Would tomorrow work?  I could meet you at 11 at that coffee shop that’s just on the corner of 10th and Elm?

He typed back;

Sure.  See you then

Anna immediately hearted his message and he set his phone down.  He’d been watching the game on TV and he turned his attention back to it, only in the back of his mind he had other thoughts about how seeing this woman again was going to go.

---

Next Chapter

[cricketnationrise]

dear cricketina, i humbly request some magic words ❤️

time stamp - 5:38am

location - anywhere as long as there's a sunrise (some ideas might be: beach, airplane, looking at a picture/video of a sunrise, in a cozy resort suite with the sunrise bathing the room in lovely colours - but you can choose anything you want!)

character - henry fox mountchristen windsor

song - from 'the air that i breathe' by the hollies:

Making love with you Has left me peaceful, warm, and tired What more could I ask There's nothing left to be desired Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak So sleep, silent angel Go to sleep

Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe And to love you All I need is the air that I breathe Yes, to love you All I need is the air that I breathe

rating - up to you!!

dearest darling cee. what a FANTASTIC prompt. a banger from top to bottom. full disclosure, i basically wrote this on my lunch break today as an escape from The Horrors(TM), so I hope it's everything you wanted and that you love it as much as i love you 💜🦗

read the rest of the ficlets here

❤️🤍💙❤️🤍💙

5:38am, the lakehouse

Alex would never say it, but Henry knows. He knows how close he came to ruining the lakehouse for Alex when Henry left him in the lake. When Henry left him in the bunk beds. 

When Henry left him. 

It’s Alex’s self-professed second favorite place in the whole world—right below the circle of Henry’s arms on one of his many lists. So this trip, their first trip back after everything hit the fan and somehow came out confetti instead of shit, is possibly the most important trip of Henry’s life. 

It’s just them this time. Just him and Alex: basking in the sun like overgrown lizards, playing in the water, filling up the house with the sounds of Alex’s music and the scent of migas in the morning and ribs in the afternoon. It’s the two of them flirting all day and abandoning any kind of civilized schedule for sex all over the property whenever the mood strikes them. 

The weather has been kind, no storms or excessive humidity—just one perfect Texas day after another, the sun making Alex glow even more than he usually does. He’s a sight to behold at any hour: lazy mornings when he grins at Henry over his giant mug of coffee, high noon when they retreat to the back deck for some shade on the swing, late afternoon on the lake when the setting sun sparkles off the water and in Alex’s eyes, purple dusks when the only light is from the moon and the fire burning low. 

But there’s nothing like the sight of Alex at sunrise. 

Alex comes into focus as the light changes from deepest night, the sweat at his hairline highlighted in the weak grey of false dawn. Dust motes dance and swirl amidst Alex’s gasping pleas as the sun peeks over the horizon, washing the underside of clouds in brilliant orange and pinks. The unruly mess of Alex’s brown hair—tousled from hours of moving over and with and under Henry on the bed—looks like strands of burnished copper as the sun climbs steadily higher and burns brightly in the clear blue sky. 

Henry collapses—utterly exhausted—next to an equally spent Alex with a contented sigh. Chronic insomnia is usually heinous, especially on their vacation, but occasionally, like tonight, like this morning, he and Alex indulge in the opportunity. Henry kept Alex on the edge—letting him get close a few times and then backing away before finally, finally, giving them both what they wanted and pushing Alex over the edge, following him helplessly right after—the only sounds this morning are the birds and the waves of the lake lapping on the shore. For now, Alex doesn’t need to fill the peaceful silence, and Henry doesn’t need words to bask in the afterglow. It’s still a rare treat, to be together like this with no official obligations pulling either of them away. Eventually, they’ll leave this cocoon of their bed—for sustenance, for another canoeing adventure, for a shower. But for now, all Henry needs is air to breathe. 

And Alex next to him, sharing it with him. 

[moonystoes]

you got the french school system all fucking wrong BOOOOOO THROWING TOMATOES

that's how I would send a hate comment not with fucking capitals at every sentence and weird spacing

Shit you're right lmfao I did do my research but I messed up the age LMFAOOO

Hey French people I'm sorry 🙏🙏 they should be around 15-16 which makes sense because I originally wrote this fic for them to be 15 and then changed the age last minute for some stupid reason lol.

It's okay because cee la voo or whatever 💞

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 17/06/2023 (J Hus/Drake, Nathan Dawe/Joel Corry/Ella Henderson)

Content warning: Alcoholism and Drake features

Dave and Central Cee hold on for a second week with “Sprinter” at #1 on the UK Singles Chart, and welcome back to a human-written episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

This may be a particularly tired episode - I am kind of exhausted but surely the charts can fix that! Right? That’s how that works, right? Yeah, it’s probably the opposite but as always we start with notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 - what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week is a tad less busy than last, but we still do have a somewhat impressive list here, consisting of “Hits Different” by Taylor Swift - already! - as well as a few older songs that had returned recently, those being “Maria Maria” by Santana featuring The Product G&B and “Creep” by Radiohead. We also bid farewell to “Haven’t You Ever Been in Love Before” by Lewis Capaldi, “MATHEMATICAL DISRESPECT” by Lil Mabu (good riddance), “I Wrote a Song” by Mae Muller, “Search & Destroy” by Drake and “If We Ever Broke Up” by another Mae, that being Stephens. Yeah, I’m not really complaining about any of this.

So what’s filling the blanks? Well, we have returns for “I Ain’t Worried” by OneRepublic at #72 for whatever reason and thanks to his regular concert-related return, “Seventeen Going Under” by Sam Fender is back for a week or two at #29. Elsewhere, we see boosts for “Give it to Me” by Matt Sassari at #64 - I’m kind of surprised that one’s getting anywhere - “Closer” by Bou featuring Slay at #48 (joy), “Sittin’ on Top of the World” by Burna Boy at #43, “Heaven” by Niall Horan rebounding to #40 thanks to his #1 album, “UNHEALTHY” by Anne-Marie featuring Shania Twain at #36 (her first top 40 hit in 20 years), “Satellite” and “Late Night Talking” by Harry Styles at #31 and #30, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #25 (seriously), “Waffle House” by the Jonas Brothers at #22, and quite fortunately, “Good Love” by Hannah Laing and RoRo at #13. We also have a welcome addition to the top 10 with “Padam Padam” by Kylie Minogue at #9, becoming her first top 10 hit as a lead artist since 2010’s “All the Lovers” hit #3, and she has like 30 to a morbillion others, including her feature Taio Cruz’s “Higher” in 2011, which peaked at #8, but that song also had Travie McCoy of the Gym Class Heroes on it so maybe it’s best we don’t acknowledge its existence.

This week’s top five on the UK Singles Chart consists of “REACT” by Switch Disco featuring Ella Henderson and the late Robert Miles at #5, “Giving Me” by Jazzy at #4, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding at #3, “Who Told You” by J Hus featuring Drake debuting at #2 - more on that later - and of course, “Sprinter” by Dave and Cench at the top. With all that out of the way, it is now time for our batch of new arrivals and… it’s a bit of a mess? Let’s just get through them.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 - “So Much in Love” - D.O.D

Produced by D.O.D

Well, it’s been a while since we’ve heard from D.O.D, the Manchester DJ best known for “Still Sleepless”, which is a song I still quite like. I didn’t exactly have any expectations but yeah, this is about just as good. It is funny to think that D.O.D is cribbing from the same vocal loops as Bad Boy Chiller Crew did with a song of the same name, but he definitely does more with it, including the tense chopping of the vocal amidst church organs in the beginning with really ramps up the melodrama to a level that seems appropriate for how relentlessly hard the hardcore kick ends up going in the drop. In fact, I think I ended up talking myself into liking this a great deal more than I initially did, probably because it hit some kind of nostalgia receptor, but the raspier vocal and the juicy bass synth really did convince me on this, especially with the choking percussion and the ambient release in the bridge that may have church organs, but they’re pretty jerky, and amidst a lot of janky distant synths, which fits for a song about desperately trying to return the relationship to the good old times. By the time it got to the breakdown using what sounds like an audience cheering and an alarm siren, it really hit me that this is an excellent dance song. I’m glad to know that the uniqueness of the more independent dance hits from last year is continuing on into this year, and this kind of wacky garage house track can add yet another song to that burgeoning list, it’s great.

#69 - “VULGAR” - Sam Smith and Madonna

Produced by Sam Smith, ILYA, Cirkut, Omer Fedi, Ryan Tedder and Jimmy Napes

Well, it’s been a while since we’ve heard from Sam Smith after their album rollout and well, we’re never stop hearing from Madonna, yet this collaboration makes perfect sense. If Smith wishes to go the “Unholy” route - which proved profitable - the next logical step is ugly transgression with, well, the Queen of Transgression. I am kind of underwhelmed by this, honestly, considering the snippet ended up sounding weirder than the actual song. We start with intense strings and obnoxiously pitch-shifted vocals as I kind of expected, before getting into a bassy minimal groove - which I also expected - and man, I think the problem is I expected too much of it. I still like the song, with its staccato verses and grinding industrial plucks and sound effects, as well as the refusal to actually “work” as a pop song, but apart from the drop with eerie strings, cacophonous house percussion and an overwhelming bass that really is hurt by the stop-and-start rhythm of the chorus. I’d argue Madonna actually performs better here than on “Popular”, particularly because this brand of more avant-garde electropop has been her brand for the 2010s before it was Sam’s, and she actually kind of dominates the song by the end, which makes complete sense since Sam doesn’t work well here - they feel a bit too hollow and sensitive in their vocal tone to make sense on a track that needs an Arca remix. I still did end up liking this song, even on pure novelty, but I really wish it went somewhere edgier and more actually challenging.

#66 - “Mona Lisa” (Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse) - Dominic Fike

Produced by Will Yanez, Beat Butcha, Kenny Beats and StarGate

Well, it’s been a while since we’ve heard from Dominic Fike, though I heard he was acting in an insufferable HBO series… so it makes sense that he’s back with yet another song from the Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse soundtrack.This one has self-aware cover art, which makes me automatically hate it since you had millionaire rappers on the official soundtrack and they were absolutely fine with using their image for Spider-Man, so for this little indie pop lad who sounds like a nose piercing personified could probably use it for some momentum without, you know, making fun of it. It’s needless to say, I think this is terrible, with a weak falsetto vocal loop and obnoxiously Lauv-esque acoustic guitar strumming that… becomes a house song, for some reason, and it really caught me off-guard whilst also sounding incredibly unfitting, especially with some of the most unlikeable Auto-Tuned vocals I’ve ever heard in this brand of alt-pop. Not even the chorus is all that catchy, with both the shoddily-mixed percussion and his incomplete vocal inflections sounding like a rough demo. Let’s not get into the condescending lyrics before this gets embarrassing since this is just awful.

#59 - “Take Two” - BTS

Produced by SUGA and EL CAPITXN

You know, for a boy band that is “on hiatus”, it hasn’t really been a while since we last heard from BTS. This song is a one-off single celeb rating the 10th anniversary of the group’s formation, thanking their fans through this song being supposedly dedicated to them, but really, it reads like a generic breakup if you translate the lyrics. I’m sure they mean something extra for the ARMY and of course lyrics that don’t resonate won’t kill a song, especially not one with a nice watery guitar lick, co-produced by one of the members - SUGA - which is cool - to make the lovely platitudes seem particularly breezy and cute, which fits for the guys’ high registers and incredibly dedicated delivery, with all the boys selling everything as hard as possible in a very pop fashion, which becomes a problem in that kind of mess of a chorus, wherein the compression definitely does not do wonders for either half of the overly loud and overwhelming hook, with extra vocal riffing to add even more to the mix, and it sounds pretty bad, which is disappointing since outside of the chorus, this isn’t bad at all - it just devolves into really cheap-sounding advertisement music for the refrain. I actually really like the melodic rap delivery from j-hope and RM, and the way they trade spoken-word verses with SUGA in the bridge is a nice, intimate touch, with SUGA’s lyrics more specifically referring to the fans in a really poetic fashion if the Genius translation is to be believed. It’s a shame that these good elements don’t necessarily make a good song, but I don’t think it’s the boys’ fault, it could have just used some extra time in the vault to ensure it actually sounded right before release. I feel like I have to say this - nothing against the boys, absolutely screw military conscription - but I did not have a headache before listening and I now very much do, that’s all I can say.

#58 - “How Does it Feel” - Tom Grennan

Produced by Carl Falk and Ryan Linvill

Well, it’s been a while since we’ve heard from Tom Grennan, but this is his last pre-release single before he released his album What Ifs & Maybes - on the day of me writing this - so I was excited to hear if he could finally fully impress me. “All These Nights” got close, but Grennan has always been so close to making an actually great 80s pop rock pastiche… and God damn it, he might have just done it, because this is an insanely fun bop, and one that’s also kind of toxic to boot. He sounds pathetic belting amidst the Infectious guitars and flat synthpop drums, promising that he’s changed and he’ll make the relationship work, but sounding absolutely not enthused about it. The call-and-response between the Auto-Tuned drizzle of “Just tell me something” before the verse starts with “I don’t know what to tell you” is great, and the sing-songy chorus where he acknowledges how this is far away from actually apologising and mending wounds is just the icing on this petty, condescending cake. His breathy, smug delivery makes this sound just that more like a complete douchebag anthem, and the refrain of “How does it feel?” seems particularly just like a complete dick move, and I’m embracing all of it, with the rapid staccato harmonies of the second chorus and the killer anti-climax that is that chorus, as well as those twinkling synths that back its second half. I’d prefer a bridge with a bit more to it, or no bridge at all, but the drum fills and fuzzy ambiance does grant it some extra oomph that I appreciate. I even think that unlike most Tom Grennan songs, it wouldn’t work better as a heavier track since it needs its breeziness to be as pissy as it is. So, yeah, by being complete unlikeable, Tom Grennan has won me over. What does that say about me? Oh, Liam Payne co-wrote this? That makes way too much sense.

#45 - “Dial Drunk” - Noah Kahan

Produced by Noah Kahan and Gabe Simon

Well, it’s been a while since we’ve heard from… okay, who the heck actually is this guy? So, Kahan is from Vermont and he makes folk music, and since the UK is latching onto country, I suppose rootsy Americana is to follow, with his recent reissue of his album Stick Season generating his first genuine breakout hit on the charts with “Dial Drunk” and, well… I’m not a fan, but I’m sure the kids like it. I don’t like it primarily for very shallow reasons - the drums are mixed in a way that sounds too dusty and distracting, and I just can’t really stand Kahan’s kind of nasal voice and delivery, which is a shame because he paints a good picture in  his songwriting, which is a narrative about an alcoholic regretting his actions when he uses someone he’s no longer in a relationship with as an emergency call once he’s arrested. It definitely has the jerkiness and uncertainty of an alcoholic, including a dialogue between him and the police in the bridge which was actually pretty compelling… and yeah, I’ve talked myself into liking it again, except not as much this time, primarily because I still don’t necessarily like how the song sounds, even if the guitar solo’s pretty nice and as are the harmonies. It’s still just a bit grating and kind of unlikeable to actually work for me, and the chorus feels way too consistent for its content, but it’s definitely a decently written and composed song, just not one that I’m particularly feeling.

#23 - “0800 HEAVEN” - Nathan Dawe, Joel Corry and Ella Henderson

Produced by Nathan Dawe, Joel Corry and Punctual

Well, it’s been a while since we’ve heard from - who am I kidding? These people are charting constantly, and rarely with an actually good song, though to be fair, it just happens that all three have actually had a song that impressed me for the first time just recently, as “Oh Baby”, “Dance Around It” and “REACT” are all great tunes, so I had some element of hope, but I was still expecting it to be pretty generic and well, it is, but it has a very cheesy Eurodance element to it, especially with the conceit of Heaven having a phone line, which Ella sells way too seriously - and that is a good thing… in fact, screw it, I like the song as a whole too. The flubbery synth lead sounds farty and obnoxious in the best way possible, and the percussion actually has some frenetic energy to it that I really appreciate detail-wise, before tunnelling into the Eurodance club drop it was made to have. I do have to say - it’s not particularly impressive lyrically, in fact the sole verse and pre-chorus are kind of cringeworthy, and the song structure is of course not particularly impressive, with its wham line already being corny before being interrupted for the drop. Does that mean I don’t like it? Far from it - the drop bumps, Ella sounds great and the song gives me a wave of Clubland TV nostalgia, and to be fair to the usually bland producers here, there is some nice ambiance and detail, especially in the outro with the recorded phone call. Some extra effort was put into the atmosphere of this one, and it went a long way. Good song.

#2 - “Who Told You” - J Hus featuring Drake

Produced by P2J, E.Y., Gaetan Judd and JAE5

Well, it’s been a Drake since we’ve Draked from Drake, but I’m definitely more excited about the production here, given P2J and JAE5 sounds like an incredible duo, and J Hus has slid on production particularly from JAE5 before, so I had high hopes… and, well, it’s not what I expected, definitely being a bit more percussive with its jazzy pianos and quasi-Afrobeats rhythm amidst stray chipmunk vocals… and yeah, J Hus is not great here. He’s never been great at songs about women or partying, so he feels completely out of his element trying to adapt his unique delivery to a very fitted rhythm, so his performance is just awkward and honestly embarrassing with his corny sex raps and just repeating himself in the first verse. It’s not like Drake sounds any better - he’s just off-beat, referencing his own songs in his fake accent and taking random left-turns into melodic flows whilst being way too shoddily mixed for the sheer length of his demo-sounding verse. The squeaking guitar that arrives during his verse sounds just as unfitting as Drake does, and for whatever reason, there’s a second J Hus verse, and he sounds a bit more energetic but again, his unhinged delivery doesn’t fit on tighter grooves like this, even when a bit more melodious as he tends to be. It’s why he’s always on looser instrumentals, so this just feels like an okay beat given to a duo that can’t really fit it all too well, since in the arms of maybe a Wizkid, this could end up a lot better. Oh, and Drake should continue to be embarrassed about every little thing he does until eventually he becomes this shameless deity figure that only exists as a figment of our imagination and is a distant memory in everyone who remembers the past wrath of Aubrey Graham.

Conclusion

It’s not getting Worst of the Week though, as that goes to “Mona Lisa” by Dominic Fike, though J Hus and Drake bag the Dishonourable Mention. The rest is mostly decent, but I really did love listening to “So Much in Love” so D.O.D. gets the Best of the Week, and as much as I’d want to ensure that both positive titles went to dance songs, I think Tom Grennan just pips the trio to the post with “How Does it Feel”. Overall, a surprisingly good week, and I have no idea what’s ahead of us until Olivia Rodrigo returns, so for now, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

[kristannafever-fics]

Unknown Fate - Part Four

Kristanna Canon Divergence

Kristanna Week 2019 - Prompt: The Unknown

Rated:  M (swear word)

WC: 4265

Previous Chapters

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It was utterly amazing how such a simple thing as a warm bath could feel so good.   Yet another thing that Anna had taken for granted as the princess of Arendelle.

It felt amazing to get some soap on her grimy skin.  Even better was washing her hair.  She used to hate it when her hair got too greasy, but that was before her hair got so grimy that it turned the bathwater a rather unpleasant shade of grey.  

Still, that did not bother Anna.  She soaped her whole body two more times until the bathwater was getting too cold to stand.  When she got out, she toweled herself dry while she stared at the beautiful dress hanging on the back of the door.  She could not wait to put it on.

She made sure her hair was fairly dry before she finally slipped the dress over her head.  She was thankful that the tie for the bodice was in the front, eliminating her need to have someone help her put it on.  How such a simple thing like that could make all the difference in the world, amazed Anna all over again.

With her hair combed and put back into her braids, she tossed all her old garments in the trash and exited the small room to find Kristoff.

She did not have to look for him long.  He was just outside of the bathhouse in the little alley between it and the inn with his back leaning against the wall.  He gave her a lopsided smirk when he noticed her coming his way.

“How do you feel…” The last word died on his lips as his eyes widened, his gaze focused on her hair.

Anna suddenly realized that he had never seen the light streak in her hair.  It had been covered by so much filth and she usually wore her braids under a handkerchief to hide the dirt.

He blinked and swallowed like his throat was dry.  There was surely no way he knew who she was, was there?   She had spent her entire life in the castle with the gates closed. Barely anyone knew what she looked like and he was most certainly not at the coronation ball.  Perhaps he just thought that the streak in her hair was odd looking.

Yet his eyes said something different.  They burned with recognition and Anna was suddenly very afraid.   She knew Hans’s men still searched for her.  She had seen them scouring through town every once in a while.   What if…

No.  There was no way in hell that Kristoff was one of those men.  Still, how could he know her?

He clamped his jaw shut tightly and reached out for her hand.  He began to drag her back towards the Inn.  Anna suddenly felt an urge to stop and run.  She didn’t know him after all.  Not really.  She couldn’t take her assumptions as the truth.  Every spike of adrenaline through her body was telling her to run, yet deep down, her instinct told her to go with him.

She followed without a word.

He all but shoved her into the room and turned to shut the door.  She watched as he braced his palms against it, arms straight and hanging his head between his shoulders.  She understood in an instant that he knew exactly who she was and her heart started to beat even quicker in her chest.

Anna waited, nerves shaking her body.  He finally pulled himself away from the door and turned around and spoke two words, his face an expression disbelief, disappointment, and something else Anna could not put her finger on.

“What happened?”

Anna broke down.  Her knees unhinged and she fell, but she didn’t not hit the ground.  Kristoff was there to grab her, like he had been since the day they met.

He picked her up gently and carried her over to the bed.  He placed her upon it then took a seat on the edge.  She needed more, however.  She needed to be held.  She needed comfort.   She held her arms out to him, not expecting him to comply.

But he did.  He laid beside her on the small bed and pulled her into his chest.  Anna wept against him until she fell into a fitful sleep.

*****

She drifted in and out of consciousness.  Never once did the warm comfort of Kristoff leave her.  It wasn’t until she woke for good that he finally stirred, adjusting himself to lay flat on his back.  Anna went with him, unable to let go of their closeness for the moment.

He was silent, waiting for her to talk.  The problem was she had no idea what to say.  She had no idea what was going to happen.   She had no way of knowing how far Kristoff’s generosity was going to stretch. There would be a point in time when he was done helping her, wouldn’t there?  It’s not like he was going to take her with him.

Anna sighed and got up, unable to meet him in the eyes just yet.  She wandered over to where the basket of food sat on the table and lifted the handkerchief to see what was left inside.  She took the first thing her eyes stumbled on.  She bit into the bright red apple as she wandered over to the little window in the room.

It was dusk.  She hadn’t been asleep all that long.  

“What happened?”

Anna paused, apple mid-way to her mouth.   She had planned to never tell another living soul what had happened for fear of what would become of her sister if she did.  But the fact that now King Hans was in charge, didn’t seem to bode well for Elsa. Perhaps her sister was already dead.

Anna fought back the tears at the thought.  No, she wasn’t dead.  Anna could feel it in her heart.  Forced to live a lie maybe, but not dead.  Anna had to wonder what Hans had in store for her to keep her alive after he had taken the throne.  There had to be a reason.

Anna thought back to the last time she had laid eyes on her sister when she had discovered just how much a treacherous snake Hans truly was.  She was led to the courtyard by Kai, bundled up in cold weather clothing but nothing else.  Despite how many times she pleaded with Kai to tell her what was going on, the broken looking man remained silent as he led her to what Anna could only assume was her demise.

She was surprised to find Elsa and Hans standing together in the courtyard with a group of a half a dozen scary looking men huddled in one corner, watching everything through the sides of their eyes.

“Elsa, what is going on? Wait, where are the guards?”

“Relieved of their duty,” Hans said coolly.  “My men are in charge of the security now, since I am soon to be King.”

“W-why are you doing this Elsa?  Why are you giving him everything he wants?”

“I have to keep the Kingdome safe,” Elsa pulled in a shuddering breath.  “And you.”

“What do you mean? Elsa, you have powers!  I saw them!  Please, do something!”

“I… I can’t,” Elsa looked utterly defeated.  

“What?  Elsa, come on!  Hurt him before he can hurt us!  Get these men to leave!  You are the Queen!”

“And if I hurt you in the process?” Elsa shouted.  The temperature in the air dropped immediately as tiny shards of Ice started to fall to the ground from Elsa’s clenched fists.  “I won’t risk it, Anna.  Not after what happened when we were kids.  I can barely hold on most of the time.  I fear for everyone if I should ever let go!”

Anna’s eyes widened as everything clicked into place.  The fragmented memories, the sudden closed doors, the silent treatment…  Everything that had changed after that one night that left Anna questioning everything, day after day.  Now she knew.  There had been an accident.  Strange that she did not remember it.  What had they done to her?

That was why Elsa wasn’t using her powers to protect them.  She couldn’t.  She didn’t know how to control it.  Why else would she always lock herself away in her room?  Why would she cut her own coronation ball early?  She was starting to crack and she didn’t want anything to show.

Then Anna suddenly realized it was her sounding the alarm that must have tipped Hans off that guards were on their way.  The balcony doors were open, she was sure now that he had heard her screaming for help. What did he threaten Elsa with to get her to take whatever control she had on her powers and clear the air of snow in her room?  Was it her life?  No, not only hers at least.  He must have threatened Anna’s life as well.  That was why Elsa said she had to keep her safe…

“Elsa,” Anna whispered, shoulders dropping in despair, wishing she would have simply tried to take Hans down herself instead if accidentally letting him know she had seen him.

Her sister looked at her with eyes that confirmed all of Anna’s suspicions.  She was bargaining herself for the entire kingdom and Anna’s life.

What a downright dirty trick.  What a despicable human being this Hans was.  Anna felt sick to her stomach that she had ever thought he was handsome. Truly naive she was.  No, never again.  She was going to make a stand and do what was right, regardless of what it meant for her.

She was about to charge him when he spoke, most likely seeing her intent.

“Think about your next move carefully, Princess.  I am getting tired of entertaining the both of you.  You either leave now in this period of grace I am feeling, or I will kill the both of you.”

The men that were huddled in the corner were now closing in on all of them, creating a circle around them. Anna had no choice.  She was going to have to go along with this then figure out what to do on her own.  She held her head high and started her lonely walk towards the outside world.

Anna was just about through the gates when she heard two words, a death sentence carried to her through the cold night air.

“Kill her.”

Elsa started to scream and Anna ran.  She didn’t know what else to do.  She could hear several men take off after her.  Her only chance was going to be in the forest.  She just wasn’t sure if she was going to make it there in time.

She ran with everything she had as she heard the shouts behind her.  She was suddenly thankful for the moonless night, even though she tripped and fell several times, cutting her knees and shins on the cold, hard ground. She made it to the treeline with enough space between them to gain an advantage.   She knew these woods.  She had played in them many times when she was young, the only place her parents would allow that was outside of the castle gates.  As long as she stayed out of the town, they always warned her.  She had obeyed, even though she thought often about sneaking away just once so that she could see anything other than what she knew.

She went to a small grove of wild roses and crawled through an opening she knew well.  She was a lot bigger than when she crawled in as a child however, and the thorns tore painfully at her skin and clothes.  She forced herself onward until she was tucked safely in the hollow middle, hoping that no animal had made this their den since she’d been here last.

She was in luck to have it all to herself and she tucked herself into a ball as she heard footsteps approaching.  She held her breath, almost impossible with her lungs still burning for air from the run, until the footfalls fell away into the night.  She let out a shuddering breath as quietly as she could, unable to hold it in any longer, hoping that none of the men lingered.

She sat in silence for what felt like an eternity.  It wasn’t until the sun was well in the sky the next day that Anna emerged, knowing she needed to get as far away from Arendelle as possible.  She was on her own now and she needed to survive until she found a way to get back to her sister to help her.

“What happened?” Kristoff repeated, his tone noticeably gentler.

Anna still had the apple a breath away from her lips.  She lowered it and slowly turned around.  He was sitting on the bed, looking at her expectantly.  

Despite what she promised herself she would never do, she told him everything.

*****

“You were too scared to tell anyone who you were for fear Hans’s men would find you.”

Anna nodded.  Kristoff had shifted to the head of the bed and sat with his back leaning against the wall, his long legs out in front of him crossed at the ankles.  Anna sat at his feet, legs crossed under her as she told Kristoff what happened.  He had put the distance between them and Anna had to wonder exactly what that meant.  Perhaps he had decided to be done with the trouble that she carried with her now that he knew.

Kristoff remained quiet for a long time, eyes looking at her but out of focus.  “You have to do something.”

“What?” Anna said, exasperated.  “What can I do?  If I go back to Arendelle I have no doubt they will kill me.  I can’t ask people to help me either.  Who would care?  We locked ourselves away for so long, what are we to them?  Nothing.”

“The people are unhappy, Anna.  I am sure they would revolt to find that the Queen had no choice when she married him.”

“We have no idea how strong Han’s protection is.  Not to mention that he has the advantage of being locked in the castle.  It would probably take a thousand men to infiltrate his defenses.  Tell me, do you know how we can get that many people on our side?  On my side?  The Princess who spent her entire life hidden behind closed castle gates…” Anna shook her head.  “What’s done is done.  I can’t change anything.”

Kristoff remained silent while Anna told him more reasons why she couldn’t go back, that she felt her sister was alive and feared that harm might come to her should she return, that even if they could garner some support, Anna would never forgive herself should harm come upon her people in trying to aid her, and last but not least, that had her sister had given up her entire future to keep Anna alive.  If she went back and was killed because of it, everything would have been for naught.  

When she finished talking, a silence stretched on between them while Kristoff ran his fingers up and down his jaw in silent contemplation, his eyes focused on the toes of his feet.

Anna just about didn’t think he was going to continue talking on the matter until he finally looked at her.

“What do you want to do then?”

Anna blinked at him. Was he not listening?  

“There’s nothing I can do. All I can do is try and survive and figure out a way to keep myself alive.”

“That’s not what I asked you,” he said quietly, shifting on the bed so that he was sitting with he legs off the sides, facing his body to the wall.  He turned his head to look at her as Anna followed his movements and sat beside him.  “I asked what you want to do, not what you thought you needed to do.”

“What I want?” Anna asked, looking forward in thought.  What did she want?  She wanted to go back to the castle and kick Hans’s ass, that’s what she wanted to do. She wanted him to suffer.  She wanted him to pay.  

But that was impossible. There was no way she could accomplish that.  Then what was there?  Surviving as a commoner.  That was the only thing she had left.

She shrugged, almost embarrassed to tell him.  “I want… I want to get a job.  I want to work.  I just don’t have any skills that would garner me employment.  But that’s what I want to do.  I want to earn a living and get myself somewhere to live. A simple room is all I need.  Work and have a place to sleep at night and to buy myself food.  That’s what I want.  That’s… that’s all I want.”

Anna dropped her gaze to her folded hands in her lap.  Funny, she used to want more.  She used to want it all.  She had wanted to find a husband who loved her and to have children to take care of. She used to want the life of a wife and a mother more than anything.  A faithful and caring woman to her man and a provider and teacher to her children.  They would be so happy… they would have a wonderful life in the castle.  Anna was even sure that given her having children, Elsa would eventually come around and be her sister again.  The gates would be open, they could spend warm days out in the gardens and the courtyard, they could stay in the library on cold and rainy days.  They could even travel the world if they wanted to…

Now all she could think about was want for the most basic things.  Work, food and shelter.  That was all. She had no idea how hard it was when everything in life wasn’t handed to you on a silver platter.  What must Kristoff think of her now, knowing where she came from, knowing that she had a title and a crown.  Or at least, she used to.  This wonderful man who had supported her when she was begging in the streets was probably coming to regret helping a spoiled brat whose only family left had been torn away from her by Royalty just like them.  

Anna sighed.  She wished Kristoff would say something. Anything.  But he remained silent and Anna couldn’t stand it anymore.  She got up and started to pace the small room, muttering that she was going to have to figure something out soon or she was going to end up dying on the streets.  Winter was fast approaching and she honestly didn’t know if she could survive another one.  The last one had been bad enough.  She truly didn’t think she was going to make it some nights, so cold she thought she was going to lose some toes and fingers.

“Work with me then.”

Anna stopped in her tracks, her back to him.  He didn’t just say that, did he?

“I mean it,” he continued in a quiet tone, perhaps understanding what was running through her mind.  “I could teach you the trade, kind of like an apprentice.  I would pay you accordingly and I have lots of tools.  There’s a harvester I know whose teenage son has just grown out of all last season’s clothing.  I’m sure I could get them for a decent price.  My tent is big enough to sleep two.  I sleep on the ground, but I can get you a bed roll so it’s not too uncomfortable.  I have a cabin, for the off days.  Whenever we’re between harvests.  It’s not much, at all, but there’s enough room for me to build another bed….”

His voice trailed off, like he felt his words were falling on deaf ears since Anna still had her back to him.  She couldn’t move a muscle.  Tear after tear coursed down her cheeks and face, gathering under her chin before they dripped to the floor.  She was too shocked to move, too scared that if she was to look him in the eyes that he might take it all back.  

All he had done for her and he was willing to do this as well.  He was opening up his entire life to help her, allowing her a way out of her predicament completely at his time and expense.  Anna didn’t think she would ever be able to understand his reasons. She had come to know that every one of his intentions were pure.  He didn’t ask her for anything and yet his was willing to give her everything. There was only one thing she could say to him.

“Why?” she said to the wall in front of her as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I told you why.”

“No,” Anna shook her head, turning around slowly and forcing gaze to meet his eyes.  “Tell me the real reason.”

His gaze flicked ever so quickly to her hair before he stared back at her blankly.  Anna suddenly understood why he was being so tight lipped.   He was simply being kind to her before, but now there was something else behind his intentions.  She could see it in his eyes.  At least, that’s what she thought she saw in his eyes.  Regardless, he was going to tell her and he was going to tell her now.

“I have told you everything,” she continued at his silence, “Now you will tell me how you know me.”

His tongue darted out and licked his dry lips.  “It’s not my story to tell,” he said carefully.

“Whose then?  The parents I had to bury?  The sister who no doubt remains a prisoner to an evil man? If not from you, then who?”

“Anna, it’s complicated-“

“No.   No, you listen to me,” Anna growled, striding towards where he sat on the bed and looking down at him.   “I am tired of people lying to me, of people keeping secrets from me!  I will not put up with it any longer!  I-“

“Okay,” he shouted. Anna looked down at him for a moment, breathing hard.  “Okay,” he said more softly as he looked up into her eyes.

Anna gave him a curt nod and waited.

He inhaled deeply and let out a slow breath as he looked to the floor.  “I saw you, when you were a young child, as I was.  You had a streak in your hair and your parents and sister were rushing you to see…” He swallowed quickly, “My family.”

“What does your family have to do with this?”  Anna asked, still angry but genuinely curious.  

“They are, how shall I put this… um, healers.”  He sighed, “Among other things,” he added under his breath.

“What?”

“Look, they healed you when your sister accidentally struck you with her powers.  Then you were made to… not remember what happened.”

“How is that possible?”

He finally looked up. “I can honestly say I don’t really know.”

“So, you’re not a healer like them.”

“Not exactly.”

“What does that mean? Actually, you know what, never mind. What happened to me after that?”

Kristoff shrugged.  “I have no idea.  Your family took you home and I never saw you again.  Well, until a week ago.  But I didn’t know until today… until I saw your hair.”

Anna searched his eyes as he held her gaze.  He was telling the truth but it felt like he was holding something back.  Either way Anna was honestly too exhausted to get into it. She didn’t want to think about the past anymore.  She didn’t want to think about how fucked up her life had been.  She didn’t want to think about the pain and the hardship and the hard and lonely years.

In truth she wanted to think about Kristoff’s offer.  About working for a living.  About having a roof over her head even if it was a tent, and food in her belly and maybe living like an actual human being again, not having to beg and steal or worry about finding a place to sleep or how she was going to survive the winter.

She sighed and sat beside him on the bed, staring into the floor.  “I’m sorry.  When it comes to my past, I feel so…. Lost.”

“It’s okay, Anna.  I understand.”

Anna chuckled softly to herself.  There was no way he could understand, but his sentiment was nice.  She let out a long sigh.  She didn’t want to talk about the past anymore.  

“So, you are serious?   About teaching me the trade?”

He waited until she looked up and over at him.   “I am.”

“Well, okay then.  I would love to become your apprentice. And…. Thank you.”

Kristoff was still for a moment before he responded.  “Just do me a favour?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t keep thanking me. Please.”

Anna smiled at him and nodded.  She understood.   He had all his cards on the table – he was going to help her get her life back and he was not doing it for any other reason than he was trying to pay forward the kindness that had once been paid to him.  Perhaps it was a way to ease his soul.  

“Well,” Kristoff said as he stood up when it seemed like he couldn’t stand the sudden silence between them. “Let’s go grab a meal in the tavern downstairs and get some sleep.  We’ll head up the mountain tomorrow and it’s going to be a long day.”

[honey-dewey]

Pregnancy Drabbles

I’ve decided to try and do one drabbles post every month, and this month ended up being pregnancy! As per the rules, these are 100 words each, and although I always do my best to make most, if not all, of my work gender neutral, this one does imply that the reader is AFAB (Except for Mando, because there’s probably at least one species in SW that has males get pregnant.) So yeah. Apologies for that, and I will be back to my gender neutral one-shots soon. 

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy and labor (Obviously), and one drabble deals with miscarriage.

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell

Din Djarin:

“You’re what?”

Din is surprisingly good with kids. He loves caring for the foundlings, and there’s Grogu. But he never imagined he’d ever be a biological dad. Like, ever. However, at the fact that you’re pregnant (confirmed by four tests), he immediately wants to protect the hell out of you.

Delivery day is so hectic. You’re in a hospital, and he abandons the creed so he can comfort you during delivery. It’s a baby girl! Din tears up when he gets to hold her, and you swear you’re never doing that again. Din, thankfully, agrees that one baby is enough.

Marcus Moreno:

(For more Marcus pregnancy shenanigans, read Christmas Miracle. Although, the drabble is mostly based off the story.)

“I think you’re pregnant.”

With one kid already, Marcus is experienced as hell. He immediately tells you he thinks you’re pregnant when he sees you eating pickles directly from the jar. Two tests confirm it, and you call him a wizard for weeks. To say Missy is excited is an understatement.

On delivery day, you’re cussing Marcus out. One baby turned into two, and suddenly, you’re having twins. He tries to coach you through, and finally, he’s allowed to hold the babies. Both identical girls, and both look exactly like their dad. You both agree that three kids is enough.

Max Phillips:

“We’re so lucky.”

Max can’t get people pregnant. At all.

That doesn’t stop him from asking for a surrogate because he really wants to be a dad. You agree, find a trustworthy surrogate, and when that test shows up positive, he is over the moon, and so are you.

Because the baby is fully human, you don’t have to have a Twilight delivery. Instead, you give birth to your son in Max’s bathtub because you couldn’t make it to the hospital fast enough. Max, ever the giant sap, cries his eyes out as he holds his first (and only) son.

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales:

“Are you kidding?”

He would be so excited to have kids! He has a big family, and absolutely wants at least three kids.

So when you turn up pregnant, he’s crying with happiness.

After a long sit down, you agree to have three kids with Frankie, but no more than that. He’s happy all the same, no matter what.

Baby 1 is a boy, and so is Baby 2. Both boys were born in a hospital, surrounded by Frankie and his friends.

Baby 3 and 4 are unplanned twin girls, born in Frankie’s truck on the side of the highway.

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels:

“Why don’t we try again.”

Pregnancy is a touchy subject with Jack. But he finally agrees to have one baby with you after much discussion.

Unfortunately, you have a miscarriage. Jack’s in tears for weeks, and so are you. It takes years for you to get over the loss of your baby and admit you’re ready to try again.

This time, Ginger monitors everything, and when everything is healthy and safe for all nine months, you’re overjoyed, and so is Jack.

When Jack carries his tiny baby girl through the front door for the first time, you notice he’s crying.

Ezra:

“Little dove, I am so proud.”

He’s a dad! Aside from Cee, he’s childless. So the prospect (hehe) of a baby? Super exciting. He’s a worrier, of course, and will refuse to let you go on any jobs that aren’t guaranteed safe. In turn, he won’t take any dangerous jobs either.

Delivery day is a mess. You were out prospecting when your water broke. You’re crying, Ezra’s crying, Cee’s crying, and then the baby is born on the floor of your pod and everything is okay. Ezra’s son looks just like him, and you and him love it that way.

Shane ‘Dio’ Morrissey:

(I also wrote a very long story for Dio’s drabble! There are two Little Leather Boots stories that were written after I wrote this.)

“But, you can’t be!”

Somehow, between the condoms and the pills, you got pregnant. You were terrified to break the news to Dio. He’d always openly hated the idea of kids and he was kinda young.

He reacts to the news surprisingly well. Ten minutes of attempting to comprehend, and then thirty minutes with his hands against your belly.

Delivery day comes faster than it should, with a premature baby by about three months. Dio’s forced to pace outside the room until they let him see you and his daughter. At 5.2 pounds, she’s the smallest thing he’s ever held.

Javier Peña:

“He looks like you”

Javier’s so nervous. He’s not the best with kids, but when you get pregnant, he’s ready to learn. He’ll help Connie with Olivia, ask Steve for advice, and even go to his boss and demand less dangerous missions. He’ll read every parenting book he can.

He’s not there for delivery. He’s halfway across town with no escape while you’re holding Connie’s hands and screaming. When he’s finally able to get to you, he finds you holding a beautiful baby boy who looks exactly like you.

Of course, he’s secretly euphoric when his son has his eyes.

Maxwell Lord:

“It’s a miracle, darling.”

He’s got Alistair, and for a while, that was good enough. But then he gets envious of his pregnant secretary, and he turns to you. You’re down for it, and soon enough, there’s a positive test and celebration.

He’s got the very best doctors for your appointments and eventual delivery. You’re absolutely huge, and for good reason. After an emergency c-section, Maxwell is met with triplets.

Yeah. Triplets. Maxwell nearly faints seeing the three babies, all girls. They have his features and your eyes, with one being blonde like him and two being your hair color.

[ezrasarm]

Which Of Your Fics... Tag Game

Thanks so much for tagging me @din-damn-djarin and @mndalorians!!! I’ve seen this going around and it was a lot of fun!

Which fic did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

Come Back To Me In Waking Dream was one of the angstageddon fics I wrote, I will admit it deals with some pretty dark themes that might not be everyone’s cup of tea but I liked exploring the Prospect universe more and was pretty proud of it when I wrote it 🤷‍♀️

Got a better reaction than you expected?

Just As You Are (Roommate AU) it was one of those fics I threw out really quick and didn’t put too much thought into but it blew up faster than any of my other fics ever have and I may or may not be working on a part 2 👀 Tripod also got a really unexpected reaction! Y’all just eat up the Frankie fics don’t you? 😂

Is your funniest?

Electrostatic Attraction is probably one of my goofier fics. Playing with Cee and Ezra’s dynamics and the way the bicker was definitely a highlight

Is your darkest/angstiest?

Although there is possibly main character death in Inconsequential I think Come Back To Me In Waking Dream is worse in terms of angst and just generally more painful.

Is your absolute favorite?

Possibly Ori’jagyc, I have recently realized my love of writing for Paz although Funeral Suit will always be a close second. It may not be the best written but I still love storyline and the strength of their relationship... now that I think of that, it’s probably why I like Ori’jagyc too 🤔

Is your least favorite?

Tug Of War It was rushed and certainly isn’t my best work and I kinda hate it.

Was the easiest to write?

Either I’ll Be You, Be Me or Cooks Don’t Clean. They both flowed super easily and just let my imagination run without too much pressure

Was the hardest to write?

Loving You Too Late!!! The first half was alright but the second was such a mess. I took multiple runs, I kept running into walls, I’m pretty sure I dropped it for almost a month before I picked it back up and finished it but now I’m really glad I stuck with it because I think the end product was worth it.

Has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph? (share it)

I love being able to end fics on a lighter note and this extract from Stood Up is sort of a classic example of that. I’m not sure it’s my favourite exchange per se but it’s pretty far up on the list and it was the first to come to mind.

“You sure you’ve never done this whole undercover thing before?” He asks rather hoarsely, his gaze lingering on your mouth as he tries his best to compose himself again. “You’re a natural.” He said and you feel a strange sense of pride in yourself that you were able to throw such a suave looking guy off his balance like that. However, the feeling is cut short when you notice something over his shoulder.

“Isn’t that your guy?” You ask, watching the man disappear down the staircase that led to the exit.

“Hmm?” He hummed, turning nonchalantly in the direction you had nodded. “Yeah, that’s okay. My partners downstairs. He’ll get him.” He shrugged and you’re ready to slap him for how unfazed he is given how urgent he’d made the whole thing seem earlier. “But it’s absolutely imperative to the mission that you do that thing you just did to me again.” He interjects, flashing you a cheeky grin and you can’t help but laugh.

Have you re-read the most?

Probably Burnt Brownies, it was one of my earlier fics it’s kind of a classic by now and every once in a while I find myself being drawn back to it.

Would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

Stood Up is probably my most popular fic and it was also one of my earlier fics and I think it’s a pretty accurate first impression of my writing 🤷‍♀️

Are you most proud of?

Either Surrender or Ori’jagyc and I’m not really sure why aside from maybe being able to take liberties with my interpretation of the characters and interweave some core themes into my work for once.

Tagging (but hey, no pressure): @thewayofthemandalorian @corrupt-fvcker @alwaysbethewest @hdlynnslibrary @agirllovespancakes

[literaryspinster]

Musings on WAP as if anyone gives a damn what I have to say about it

I’m trying to do more long form blogging, and I rarely talk about music here even though I love it more than anything, so I thought I’d post something a little different today. Hope you like it! When I watched the video for Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s Viral hit WAP (Wet Ass Pussy for the uninitiated) I had an influx of positive feelings. To me there’s nothing at all wrong with beautiful women of different shapes, sizes and shades owning their sexuality in ways that the purity warriors seethe at but can’t ignore. Couple that with the sheer charisma, sense of humor and enviable physical agility these women displayed over a fun and raunchy 3 minutes, I was all in. But of course, when Black and Brown women do anything at all, let alone make a very risque song, the pitchforks tend to come out, and over the past few days everyone from Ben “Dominic Cooper with every ounce of sex appeal drained out” Shapiro, to Cee-Lo “alleged rapist” Green offered their two cents about the terrible example these women were setting.

All of a sudden I was jettisoned back to 2014, when Nicki Minaj released the video for Anaconda, and Trent Reznor flapped his caucasian gums about the over the top vulgarity of it all. Nevermind that a few years before his own band released a song about wanting to fuck a woman like an animal. And don’t get me wrong, that song was a bop and all, I’m just pointing out the sheer hypocrisy of men, especially white men, given the freedom to make music about their dicks all the livelong day while crucifying women, especially Brown and Black women, for doing the same.“Why are you making it about race?” you prepare your sweaty little fingers to type in a rage. Well, because like damn near everything else, it is. 

Hip Hop is a primarily Black genre, and female led hip hop tends to be at the center of these non-controversies every few months or so. We also live in the age of social media, where everyone’s racism, sexism and reactionary mess will make sure that a sexy video can never just be a sexy video. Within hours, along with the typical hot takes from mouth breathers, the apps were flooded with comments unpacking the potentially sinister implications of talented women in HipHop (again, a primarily nonwhite genre), once again having to sell sex to remain in the public imagination. And as much as I would love to brush these comments off as prudish nonsense, I can’t deny that there is a bitter truth at the heart of it. Now let me once again make this entirely clear, nobody involved in the WAP video did a damn thing wrong. They have every right to have fun, rap about what they want, wear what they want and shake what they want. My concern is not with them. But the uproar did make me think, why is it always women of color being picked apart this way? And I kind of started to worry that maybe the industry itself has deliberately placed them in the crossfire of all of these ugly situations.

Earlier this year, Lana Del Rey got a rightful dragging from social media about a self-indulgent open letter she wrote decrying the way other artists (all nonwhite except for Ariana Grande, who is still assumed to be Latina in some circles), have the freedom to make music about controversial and sexualized topics, while she apparently does not have the same freedom. But what Lana missed is the fact that female musicians of color rarely have the opportunity to achieve worldwide fame while presenting themselves in ways that aren’t sexualized in some way. And this doesn’t just apply to hip hop.

How many young Black and Brown women in the last few decades have achieved household name status by playing a guitar in a long sundress while standing in an open field with the breeze in their hair? How many get to participate in fun, upbeat songs without the suggestive dance moves? The list is pretty slim. And yes, it can be said that the industry forces all women to be sexy for the likes and engagement, but you don’t have to look hard to see that White women like Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Lorde, Adele, and the list goes on, are both more likely to make it in the music industry without the ultra-provocative hook, and less likely to be dragged through the mud when they do push those limits.  Miley can twerk her way through one album and it’s just experimental fun that she can turn off at the drop of a hat once it ceases to be profitable. Lana Del Rey can croon about abusive relationships and it’s considered art (in spite of her whining otherwise), and go in a different direction at her leisure when she gets comparatively minor flack for it. 

So to recap, men can make music about all sorts of blatantly sexual topics and still have the audacity to judge women in Hip Hop for the same thing. And White women can be sexy, chaste and everything in between in their music without risking their careers to any significant degree. Meanwhile, Black and Brown women are ignored when they’re modest and eviscerated when they’re not. So while it’s amazing to see women like Cardi and Meg making boring people blush, I have to wonder, if they ever decide to go in a different direction musically, will the same culture trashing them now even give them the space to do that?

When I say that women of color should be able to make music about anything they want, I mean that wholeheartedly, but I’m certain the folks with the most to say now wouldn’t give these women a second look if they weren’t giving them something to be judgmental about. 

[nctsworld]

cae! any plans for the weekend? i read the renjun scenario and i love it, it was really nice! and like always the gift is beautiful, i mean the white shirt with the lemon kajshdkasjd do you create everything and then look for the video to create the gift? you see a video and that inspires you to write?

did i wrote cae instaed of cee? JAJAJAJA i think i realize that when i sent it lol. also i dont know if i already asked this but do you have a tag list? if you do please add me 🖤🖤🖤🖤

cami!! no plans for the weekend; just chilling!! maybe work more on the xmas in ncity fics klsdmflsdm i’ve been sidetracked by new wips HAHA 

thank you!!! n_n it really depends!! so i did a lot of video searching for the renjun fic before that one and i saw that footage thinking i could use it one day, then someone asked for the prince au and it clicked for me since the footage was perfect!! then i casually added the lemon scene cause it just fit 😂 

no worries about the name ksdmflds you can call me a catastrophic hot mess and i’ll be like yes that’s me what would you like ??? HAHA 

oh wow i’m honoured TT i guess i can start up a taglist!! 

on that note though, i tried tagging you in my last pic crew tag game and i couldn’t tag you!! do you have your visibility settings on (like hiding your blog from search results)?? i think if you turn it off, i can tag you in future things!!

[kristannafever]

Second Chances - 4

Kristanna Modern AU Rated: Explicit WC: 1840

Chapter Index

-----------------

Kristoff’s mind was clouded by lust.  Three days after he’d had the absolute pleasure of making Anna come undone in his arms, their date – while fun as hell – was nothing compared to her lips on his.  He didn’t even have his front door shut and she was on him, kissing him with incredible passion and making him crazy with desire.

It still pissed him off to think of what she went through with her ex.  The guy had to be fucked in head to say those things about her.  Anna was the most sensual thing he’d ever had the pleasure of being with.  And they hadn’t even had sex yet!  He was sure that would be one for the record books.

“I… need to… touch you,” she said between kisses, pushing him down his hallway towards his bedroom.

He chuckled against her mouth.  “Only if I get to touch you first.”

She yanked her head back and looked at him.  “That wasn’t the deal.”

“What deal?” he shrugged playfully.  “To tell you the honest truth, Anna, I have to admit I am a little too selfish to let you touch me without allowing me that pleasure first.”  He leaned in, his mouth close to her ear.  “And I plan on using my tongue this time.”

He pulled his head back to look at her face and chuckled again with how her eyes were wide with anticipation.  He could tell that she wanted it and shit did that ever make him hot.  Anna pinched her bottom lip in her teeth and nodded, then turned and dragged him to the bedroom. 

They shooed Sven out and shut the door, then Kristoff wasted no time in putting his lips back on hers and reached between them to free her of her jeans.  He had them undone and was sliding his palms down her bare thighs, taking the underwear with them when she pulled away from his lips.

“I actually don’t know if I am ready for this,” she said quietly, brow furrowed slightly. 

“Can I ask why?” he prodded gently. 

“Because… no one has ever… I mean, I’ve never had anyone’s mouth…”

His eyebrows rose in disbelief.  “You haven’t?” 

She shook her head.  “No.  And I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do and-”

Kristoff let out a breathy chuckle.  “You don’t need to do anything, Anna.  You lay down and relax.  And before you tell me you’re apprehensive because I can see that you are, I need you to know that I want to do this so badly I am practically salivating.”

“You are?” she asked, tilting her head down and looking up at him rather seductively. 

He let out a slow breath.  “Yes.  And now that I know I have the honor of being your first, I have to say I want to do it even more.”

Anna swallowed visibly and then nodded.  He smirked at her and pulled her in for another passionate and lengthily kiss, then he finished what he had started and get her the rest of the way our of her jeans and laid her down on the bed. 

He looked down at her, how she was eyeing him with pure seduction.  “You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispered, and leaned over to slid her panties down her gorgeous legs.  Once free, he tossed them over his shoulder and ran his palms up her thighs, twisting them inward and gently pushing her legs apart. 

Kristoff took in the sight of her and it drove him wild.  He had to take a moment and pull back off the bed to free himself of his own jeans for how much his cock was straining painfully against them.  Leaving his boxers on until later, he leaned back down over Anna and took his time, gently kissing and caressing her until she was whimpering for him to begin, so he dragged his tongue up her opening and was rewarded with a gasp of pleasure. 

He did it twice more before he put his lips around her clit and sucked gently.  This time he got a long moan and she said, “Fuck.”  He smiled and stuck out his tongue, letting it dance around her clit before flicking the end of it against her.

Her hands wound up into his hair and tugged gently as he worked his mouth on her.  This was making him harder than he thought possible and he was a little relieved that it didn’t take too long before she was panting and telling him that she was getting close. 

Kristoff shifted and brought his hand up, pushing one and then two of his fingers into her while his tongue worked on her clit.  She swore again and moaned his name, and a moment later she was curled up, caught in an intense orgasm. 

When it was over her whole body fell slack onto the bed.  Kristoff straightened and watched her chest heaving up and down, wishing that she was completely bare so that he could see her breasts.  He had great anticipation for when he might see her fully naked but he was not going to rush anything.  He would be happy even if she wanted to stop the intimacy right now, except the way she was looking up at him made him shudder with desire. 

“Now I get to have fun,” she said as she sat up and shimmied off the bed and pointed at it.  “You, down, now.”

Kristoff chuckled and sat on the edge of the mattress.  “We can stop if you want, Anna.”  It was futile but he still had to say something.

She put her hands on her hips.  “No way, mister.  It’s my turn now.”

A thought occurred to him.  “You’re just going to stick with touching right, Anna?  I don’t want to feel you have to rush into anything.”

Her face turned into a bit of a frown.  “I wasn’t sure… I thought maybe that I would do the same to you.  I… I want to.”

He eyed her and chose his words carefully.  “I want you to do what you feel comfortable with, Anna.  Please, just promise me that you will?”

She smiled at him in a heartbreakingly sweet way and nodded.  Then she leaned over and helped him wiggle out of his boxers.

Anna let out a quick breath.  “Um, can I just say that you are bigger than I thought you were.”

He chuckled.  “Am I now?”

She licked her lips and her eyes went to him.  “Yes.  And you’re gorgeous too.  I, um, haven’t really seen one that’s… um…”

“Uncircumcised?” he asked. 

“Yeah.  If I’m not doing something right, can you-”

“Anna,” Kristoff said, feeling his face heat with anger for thinking about what that piece of shit ex had said to her.  “Promise me you will forget all that shit and just do what you feel comfortable with, okay?”

“Okay,” she said quietly.

“I mean it, Anna.  You turn me on in ways that would make it impossible for me not to enjoy myself.  Fuck, if you just keep looking at me, I’ll probably pop I am so horny right now.”

Anna gave him a big smile shining with humor and he was relieved to see it.  “Alright,” she said, pushing him back onto the bed and crawling over him as he shifted backwards to make room for her.  She sat criss-cross between his spread legs and started dragging her fingertips up and down his cock with a feather light touch.

He moaned softly, and then she wrapped her hand around him and he uttered a strangled “fuck.”

He’d been watching her, making sure she was comfortable, then she started stoking him and his eyes shut on their own as he laid his head back on the bed.  He felt his body melt into the mattress for how good it gelt to have her hands on him.

“Anna… that feels so-”

He felt her tongue dance on the tip of his cock and his eyes opened and his head shot up to look at her.  She grinned at him, and then keeping eye contact, she opened her mouth and took the tip of him in slowly.

It turned his mind to mush.  He watched, feeling helplessly lost in desire as she stopped for a moment and shifted onto her knees between his legs, then went right back to where she left off.  His entire body twitched as she worked her mouth agonizingly slowly down his cock. 

She’d taken half of him in when she started to pull her mouth back, sucking in her cheeks and putting the pressure he desperately wanted on his sensitive and highly aroused appendage.  His head fell back to the bed and he let out a shuddering moan. 

“Fuck… Anna.  Holy shit…”

She started moving the grip she had on the base of his cock up and down to meet her mouth.  Before he knew what was happening, he was a whisper away from coming.

He looked up at her.  “Anna, I’m really close.”

Her eyes flicked up to his through her eyelashes and she smiled around his cock, then resumed what she’d been doing.  Kristoff was helpless to look away as his abdomen tightened and he was about to explode.  A second later he did, and his head fell back to the pillow, letting out a soft cry, drowning in pleasure with the sheets at his side gripped tightly into his fists. 

When his thoughts finally returned to him, he could not believe how good that was.  Any man would be a demented fuck to not find that the most pleasurable experience outside of actual sex.  He sat up slowly, his head swimming as he did so.

He looked at her.  She was smiling at him softly, and he realized that he was in love with her. 

“So, I take it that was good?” she asked quietly. 

Kristoff laughed.  “Anna, that was so good, I’m dizzy.  No joke.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded.  “I have never, and I promise you I mean this, I have never been given a blow job that good. Ever.”

Her smile widened.  “I just did what felt right.”

“Good.  I am glad you did that, Anna.  I always want you to do that, okay?  And please promise me you will tell me if something doesn’t feel right.”

“I will.  And I want you to know that I did what felt right because you make me feel comfortable.  I trust you, Kristoff.  I trust you completely.”

That hit him in a way he was not expecting.  He moved himself so that he was sitting beside her and pulled her into a hug with emotion pressing on his throat.  “I am glad, Anna.  I trust you too.”

She nodded and hugged him tighter.  He pulled her closer as well and thought again about how he was most definitely in love with her. 

---

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[urdbell18]

A Seed Hidden in the Heart Chapter 16: The One With a Little Hope

AN:I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! And with a brand new chapter for you guys. Was it worth the wait? I don't know but here it is! Enjoy!

Since the summons arrived Zelda entered into a state that was a combination of depression and catatonic. She walked around like a zombie, a shell of her former self that could perform her basic humanly functions. Though not lacking in her duties as a teacher her students noticed that Zelda wasn’t herself and Rosalind and Theo asked if there was anything they could do to help but not even Mary knew how to help Zelda beyond just being there. Mary wouldn’t begin to say she understood what Zelda was feeling, yes she loved Vida like her own but the connection that Zelda and Vida had was something deeper. That connection was why whenever Vida was around Zelda painted on a smile to allude that nothing was wrong, acted like everything was normal when every night after tucking Vida into bed Zelda cried. All Mary could do was hold her and wish that there was something that she could do. It came to her one afternoon on a Saturday in April.

That day had been particularly bad. Zelda wouldn’t stop crying, she couldn’t even muster enough energy to get out of bed. Mary shuffled Vida out, saying Zelda was just a little sick and she was okay. Vida looked at her like she didn’t believe her, and to be honest Mary didn’t even believe herself, but she agreed and headed downstairs. In the kitchen Mary and Hilda shared a quick look and a slight nod. Hilda will take care of Zelda, Mary will handle Vida. Armed with a list of errands Mary and Vida left. After stopping at the pharmacy and the home improvement store for some fertilizer the last thing on Hilda’s list was to fix a clasp on a watch of hers that broke. Mary loathed to go into the shopping district on a weekend but wanting to give Hilda as much time as possible she decided to suck it up and go.

The bell on the jewelry store tinkled when Mary entered shaking off her umbrella as it started to rain lightly. Vida who was decked out in her raincoat with matching boots and hat shook her head when Mary took her hat off, causing red ringlets and little droplets of water to fly everywhere. Mary smiled and fussed over Vida’s hair to make it somewhat neat. A salesperson came over and asked how they could help them. When Mary explained that she needed a watched to be fixed the salesperson led her over to one of the glass cases to have a closer look. At first Vida was next to her, holding onto the side of her leather trench coat but becoming bored at having looked at everything in the case started to wonder. Mary was two seconds away from calling Vida back but stopped. Other than her, Vida, and a few other employees there were only two other customers and Vida was smart enough to not go with anyone or out of the store so Mary turned back to the sales person but kept an ear out for the slight ‘squelch’ that Vida’s boots made on the shops carpet. After several minutes of looking through watches they eventually found something that could match the original fixture the sales clerk went into the back to talk to the person who did the actual hardware work Mary turned to find Vida.

Vida was standing in front of a glass case filled with little charms and pendants for necklaces and bracelets. The charms were all arranged by shape, grouped together by metal type, gold and silver mostly, and gemstone options. Mary quickly recognized the birthstone gems as the pieces were arranged in neat double rows of six. Vida was, of course, fascinated with the little bear pendants. The pendants were about half the size of Mary’s finger tip but the detail was impressive. The 3D bears had little eyes and noses and a tail on its sitting bottom plus soft carving marks to resemble fur. On one foot was a small round gemstone that fit perfectly with the pad of the bears paw.

“What do you have here baby bear?”

“Look at the little bears Mamma they’re so cute.”

“That they are.” The longer Mary stared at the bears wheel started to turn in her head as an idea started to form. The sales clerk that was helping them with the watch came back pulling Mary away from the bear pendants. The watch was fixable and Mary filled the work order so Hilda could pick it up later.

“Is there anything else I can help you with Ma’am?” Mary thought about it for a minute. The bear pendants came back to mind.

“There is one thing.” Mary took the clerk over to the bear pendants and he pulled out the little shelving they rested on out so she could have a closer look. The bears were, as Mary predicted, part of the stores birthstone collection so each bear had a different gemstone. A gold bear with a 36 inch chain was almost $200, a little steep but for Zelda it was worth it.

“What do you think baby bear?” Mary picked up Vida so she could see the bears more clearly. “Should we get one for you Mom?”

“Yes!” Vida then told the sales clerk when her birthday was, May 16th, and he pulled out a pre boxed bear with an emerald gemstone.

“Would you like to get it engraved? It’s $10 and we can do it today in about an hour.” Tempted Mary agred, she and Vida could get lunch and come back to get the necklace. Mary told the clerk what she wanted. When she came back for it the necklace was wrapped up nicely in a little box with a blue ribbon.

After some debate Mary decided not to wait until Mother’s Day to give the necklace to Zelda. That next day she recruited Vida to make their special breakfast, french toast light on the powdered sugar and syrup with some egg whites, a small cup of fruit, a lightly buttered biscuit, and a mug of coffee. Balancing the tray Mary and Vida brought it back upstairs to surprise Zelda. Mary hung back with the try as Vida, after setting down the mug of coffee that she was entrusted with on the nightstand, climbed up onto Zelda’s bed to wake her. It didn’t take much, Zelda hasn’t been sleeping well either and it only took a little prodding to wake her.

“Surprise!” Zelda looked at Vida then at Mary as she placed the breakfast tray.

“What is this?”

“Me and Momma made you our special breakfast. To make you feel better.” Zelda gasped a little in shock, she didn’t know that Vida picked up on her mood, but hid it well.

“Thank you baby.” The bed dipped as Mary joined them on the bed and they shared breakfast. When the tray was empty Mary handed Vida the small box that held the necklace.

“We got you this Mommy.” Zelda took the box, not sure what it could be or why she was receiving this gift. After untying the ribbon the dark blue box opened with a soft crack. Zelda’s eyes widened and she gave a faint gasp. “Do you like it Mommy?” The tiny gold bear looked so much bigger cradled in the soft lining of the box, tiny emerald catching the light. The new addition to the bear, the thing that had Zelda almost in tears, was a tiny engraving on the bears other paw that said ‘V.S.’

“I love it.” Vida smiled and snuggled into her mother’s side. Zelda handed the box to Mary so she could place the necklace on her. Sweeping Zelda’s hair over her shoulder Mary fastened the necklace around Zelda’s slender neck. Though not big the bear stood out against Zelda’s pale skin, the pendant resting lightly on her chest. When the necklace was securely in place Zelda turned back to face Mary and brought her close to share a kiss. Mary returned it, making it just a little deeper and longer.

____________________

After that Zelda was in a better mood. She wasn’t 100%, Mary believed that wouldn’t happen until this whole mess was over, but she stopped crying and could muster real small smiles. She also realized that she couldn’t ignore the inevitable anymore. She needed to hire an attorney. Over the next week or so Zelda contacted several law firms that looked to be in her price range and could help her. None of them, even after a respected waiting time, responded back. Zelda started to panic, she knew that Faustus would have an attorney that would destroy her in a single breath. If she wanted even a snowballs chance in hell to keep her daughter she needed her own representation but with no responses she was starting to go back into her depressed state. Just as it seemed that hope was lost Zelda received a very interesting email on Saturday afternoon.

Dear Ms. Spellman,

I heard from the grapevine that you are looking for an attorney for an upcoming custody case. My name is Daniel Webster, I don’t have a law firm nor work for one but I do have a license to practice law with a decade worth of trial experience. An old friend of mine from one of the law firms that you contacted pointed me in your direction and gave me your email, I hope you don’t mind. I would like to take your case pro bono. To prove that I am not a scammer we can meet in a neutral location on your terms and I have attached some links to a few of the cases that I worked on. Write me back when you can.

Signed, Daniel Webster

Deciding to take a leap of faith Zelda wrote back to Mr. Webster that she would meet him at Hilda’s book shop just after breakfast. Vida was with Mary, Zelda dropped them off at the park with a promise that if they got tired or if the weather turned bad to come to the store. Dr. Cee allowed her to use his back office for the meeting, it was quiet and it plus the tea that Hilda gave her helped her remain calm. At five past ten Hilda let in a middle age man with short white hair and beard and dressed in a nice but not flashy navy blue suit.

“Ms. Spellman.” Mr. Webster held out his hand and they shook hands for a brief moment. Hilda asked Mr. Webster if he would like anything but he said no. With that Hilda closed the door behind her and she and Mr. Webster were alone. Mr. Webster opened his briefcase and took out a legal pad and pen. “So let’s begin. According to court documents a Faustus Blackwood is suing you for full custody of your daughter.”

“Yes.”

“Is he the child’s biological father?”

“Unfortunately.”

“And when did your relationship end?”

“About a month after I found out I was pregnant.” After she gave her answer Mr. Weber straightened up.

“You have had no contact with Mr. Blackwood before now?”

“None whatsoever.”

“Good. We can use that. Do you have the girls birth certificate?” Zelda pulled out a folder from her purse that contained all of the important papers regarding Vida. Each family member had their own folder in a locked drawer in the credenza next to the kitchen. Zelda handed Mr. Weber Vida’s birth certificate. Mr. Webster scanned over the document and his eyes widened. Zelda didn’t know if this was a good thing or a bad.

“Ms. Spellman we have nothing to worry about.” Zelda’s heart stopped in her chest but it was a good stop. A huge wave a relief blew over her and she felt like she could breathe again without this crushing weight against her. She didn’t know why she had so much confidence in Mr. Webster but she did and if he said she didn’t have to worry than she won’t. She really hoped he was right.

With their meeting concluded Zelda went out to the main area. Mary and Vida weren’t there, they still must be at the park. Zelda, after debate decided to walk the short distance to the park. The weather was nice, sunny with just a bit of cloud and a nice breeze that was refreshing but not knee shaking. When she arrived at the park Vida was hanging from the monkey bars with Mary close to her ready to spring into action if Vida needed her. Zelda was impressed as Vida made the last four bars to the landing on the jungle gym set. Though too far away to hear Mary said something that made Vida flush with pride and she ran off to the higher part of the jungle gym. When Zelda reached Mary she took the other woman’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

“Meeting went well?” Zelda nodded and rested her head against Mary’s shoulder. Given hope Zelda could relax enough to enjoy physical contact with Mary. Mary let go of Zelda’s hand to drape her arm over Zelda’s shoulder. They stayed that way until Vida called out to them, she was standing at the opening of a slide. Zelda moved to the end so that when Vida reached it she scooped her up. Vida giggled as Zelda pressed her close and kissed her cheek.

“Ready to go?” Vida nodded and they, after Zelda took Mary’s hand again, walked back to the car to go home.

[amandayuebing]

My Life is Very Shoujo Manga, Chapter 64: Hurt People Hurt People

Part 2/2 of my rant of the events that happened late 2019/early 2020

I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to post this. But now that enough time has passed and things have cooled, I think it’s the right time. It also serves as a form of insurance, so that if anyone tries to start this MESS up again, people know our side of the story. (Take into consideration we also have other evidence.)

Around this time last year, a group of people in positions senior to Tony tried to gang up on him and strip him of any power or voice he had in the kendo club. 

The catalyst of this absolute mess was when a couple of students who for a long time now, haven’t been a fan of Tony (and also happen to be friends with each other-- let’s call them ‘Anastasia’ and ‘Drizella’), made a complaint to a certain someone in a position of seniority who coincidentally also happened not to like Tony. (Feel free to read Part 1 a little context of this story.) 

Although we’ve been aware that this person (let’s call him “Y”) has not liked Tony for some time, it’s really sad he went to such LENGTHS to try and take him down, because he felt threatened. As the cliché goes, “hurt people hurt people”...

Whilst it provides an explanation for what happened, it does not, in close to any way, provide any form of justification.

I’m sorry, but I’m about to get really angry.

Instead of dealing with the situation appropriately and professionally, decided to spread malicious rumours about Tony. We found out about the situation because Y called one of our friends (let’s call her “Cee”). 

He opened with a leading question and asked, “There’s been a complaint about Tony [of a certain serious nature, which I won’t disclose, because it’s untrue]. What can you tell me about this?”

Cee told him, “I’m sorry but nothing like that comes to mind... I’ve only heard the general complaint that sometimes the guys are a bit rough in kendo. But that’s not a comment about Tony specifically; that’s something the guys generally need to be mindful of. Why? Who’s made a complaint? What have you heard?”

Y was highly inappropriate during that call and Cee felt he continually tried to coerce her to say something that would prove Tony’s “guilt”. He just wouldn’t let it go no matter what she said to him. Even though it was clear from her tone she was telling the truth, and she had no idea what was going on! 

At one point, he said “I spoke to the guys, and they’re protecting him. As a guy, I know how guys are. Guys tend to do that.” 

Cee was like, “wait, hold on. Who have you talked to...? And why would they be protecting him? What would they need to even cover him for???” 

(Why was he even asking other people for? Especially going around questioning them the way he was. That’s just highly inappropriate.)

Y was extremely vague. He didn’t mention what the allegations were, however used a certain strong word to describe what he thought Tony’s behaviour was. A word that makes people queasy and makes most people think the worst. He also mentioned his personal thoughts on Tony. Another highly inappropriate move. And a stupid one, considering Cee has made it clear she disagrees.

He told Cee they were urgently organising a meeting between the two complainants and the club’s committee to discuss the appropriate disciplinary action. 

He also mentioned the situation had to be kept completely confidential from Tony. 

The complainants (for some reason, unbeknown to Cee to this day) wanted Cee to also be there, but Cee at the time was overseas. Y used the word “female representative”, whatever that’s supposed to mean...

Cee obviously knew things weren’t right because:

Tony was not even made aware that a complaint had been made against him (and therefore did not have any chance to confirm or deny the claims). Y clearly intended to keep the entire process secret from him, including this meeting between the seniors in the club, to blindside and punish him.

Y certainly shouldn’t be talking to any unrelated third parties including Cee or anyone else in the club about the issue. That’s just truly unprofessional. Are we running a sports club or a gossip magazine here? He shouldn’t have been asking leading questions like, “what can you tell me about…” and insinuating Tony was guilty the way he was during the phone call with Cee, and most likely other people he spoke to.

Y was in a position of leadership and trust, and therefore anything Y implied, people would tend to assume is true. The fact he kept it intentionally vague but used strong words is absolutely abhorrent. 

As soon as we found out, we promptly contacted the university and let them know the club wasn’t following proper procedures dealing with a complaint. We also sent the committee a notice to cease and desist (”CnD”) to stop:

Making unsubstantiated statements to other members of the club that would hurt Tony’s character without providing him with the fair opportunity to respond to any allegations;

Insinuating or suggesting to people that he was guilty; and

Coercing people to make testimonies against him.

It was quite a STRAIGHTFORWARD letter (honestly, I’m holding back from swearing), and nowhere in it did it in any way prevent the club from going through the usual processes of dealing with the complaint. 

Nowhere did it strip anyone of a voice, IF what they were saying was true. 

In no way did it stop anyone from doing anything lawfully. If there wasn’t the risk they were doing something unlawful (like knowingly and falsely accuse someone of a crime, defamation...) then a CnD can’t do much! 

It wasn’t a hard letter to understand. And if they didn’t understand it, they could have asked a lawyer. Or asked contacted the law firm that wrote it to find out what was up. There’s really no excuses for what they did.

Unfortunately, Y would still take this letter out of context to make Tony look worse. 

The committee apparently compiled this list (although we suspect it was mostly Y) of complaints to take to our head-sensei, and suggested disciplinary action to take against him. The list consisted of situations taken out of context to seem inappropriate, or just comments that made it clear this was not Tony’s problem, but their personal problems with him e.g.

“Tony is too proud of his past experience and achievements and he compares everyone against himself.” This is an odd complaint as well as not being true. But even if it was, is it punishable? Are all arrogant people in the club disciplined, or is just Tony to be made an example of? I really wish someone would have answered this. 

"No remorse when he injures people” which is obviously not true... If he was purposely injuring people, why isn’t he disciplined immediately at the time it happens?! Why was no action taken at the time? Why hasn’t he ever been suspended for his apparently very violent and inappropriate behaviour? Would someone like that be generally so well loved that he’d be re-elected as president so many times? It’s absurd that someone like that would be allowed to keep coming back to the club for 8 years! Why has there been no complaints about this earlier? Why would they select him to be responsible for teaching the kids’ class? SO many questions! None of this makes sense!  

“Lack of responsibility - had no plan and no commitment as a competition manager” Which is reallyy funny because he cared a lot about his role, but all his suggestions were knocked back by the others in the committee without constructive feedback or alternative suggestions. Their gripe with him, to his face (and not to sensei) was that he “didn’t know his place”, and not to “overstep his bounds.” His suggestions for the club were never appreciated no matter how many times he tried to find alternate solutions that they would approve of. And they’re saying he has a lack of commitment? 

“Lack of etiquette and respect towards club members and coaching team.” (See what I mean…?)

Even worse, the list he compiled of suggested punishments for Tony did not fit the “crime”, as he suggested: 

No talking in the dojo unless it is kendo related and beneficial to everyone (LOL how does one enforce that, or measure what’s “beneficial”?)

Stop side-teaching (seems more to do with Tony’s popularity and people asking for his tips after kendo, than about any complaints... 🤔  And I mean, if he was really as horrible a person as the list described, why would anyone come to his private classes?)

Be polite and show respect to senior coaching members (LOL)

Our head-sensei found it so ridiculous that he said, “ALL these things you’re accusing Tony of, IF they are true, are a reflection of MY shortcomings as a sensei. So in this case, I will take responsibility. 

“For the rest of this year, he will only be training with me. He won’t be able to interact with anyone else in the club, and neither will I.” 

But of course they protested. “No, that’s not a punishment! That’s not a punishment for him to get privately tutored by you! He needs to be punished.” But what for? 

Also, when they received the CnD and the university contacted the committee to investigate what was going on because they weren’t following proper and fair complaints handling procedures, they seemed to have HUGE panic about it because they immediately cancelled the Christmas party and a private celebration for another sensei’s 6th dan, which is pretty ridiculous and pathetic, if you ask me. 

Y also messaged Cee to gaslight her, blaming her for the situation "getting out of hand” now that the university and lawyers were involved, and that “we were only trying to resolve this internally”. 

But honestly, if they weren’t doing anything wrong, WHY would they have to fear the involvement of the university? Why were they so upset? And there wasn’t the imminent threat of litigation unless they broke the law by breaching that CnD!

Cee told him, respectfully, that even if his intentions were good (I mean, that’s questionable, considering the way he went about it...), it was evident Y had some existing personal prejudices against Tony and he had mishandled the situation. She explained this was why she had no choice but to involve the university and lawyers. If he had any issues he should contact them for clarification. (By the way, we have screenshots of this conversation, so Y can’t try and deny this.)

I don’t know how the HECK he explained the situation to the rest of the committee, but whatever he said was enough to piss another coach off (Let’s call him “K”). K was so pissed, he organised a meeting between Tony, Cee, the committee and sensei to “discuss” the situation. But really, it wasn’t a discussion at all.

The meeting started with sensei mentioning he was aware there was a complaint, but the committee did not disclose to him who made the complaint, so he asked Y to look into it. He emphasised he did not mean for Y to conduct himself the way he had in relation to speaking to unrelated parties to the complaint.

Y and K then expressed their apparent confusion to sensei that they didn’t know what prompted the CnD, and “it was the CnD” that prevented them from updating sensei. (What absolute BS.)

The most ironic thing about this situation is Y mentioned that he had sought the advice of the Australian Kendo Renmei’s lawyer who advised him, and by extension the committee, to let the university sports union handle the matter. It’s unfathomable how they were given this excellent advice and decided not to take it. 

Cee attempted to explain the situation and her reasoning for involving the university’s sports union and the lawyer who sent the CnD was because of the  telephone call she received from Y where he was trying to coerce her into falsely admitting negative things about Tony. 

Y interrupted Cee several times as she tried to explain the situation. He kept saying it was a “misunderstanding” and he didn’t mention anything about any guys. Really? Really?! Why would Cee just make that up? 

He even said to Cee on the side (whilst sensei and K were debating) that “our misunderstanding led to THIS...! It shouldn’t have gotten this big, but ​YOU ​involved other parties!” 

He kept interrupting her, and demanding, “​WHAT d​o ​YOU​ think is unfair here?!” and kept going back to how Cee got a lawyer involved and therefore was trying to silence the complainants. No matter how she tried to explain herself, he would interrupt her immediately.

Y and K kept demanding that Tony apologise for his actions, but for some reason wouldn’t tell him what he was being accused of. 

The conversation kept going around in circles, whilst Tony kept asking, “what were the complaints?!” For some godforsaken reason Y and K wouldn’t disclose it, so he kept asking

and “how am I going to improve if you don’t tell me what the complaints are!?” 

They continued to evade saying, “​we’re all hands off! Let the union deal with it!” 

The meeting dragged on for an unnecessarily long amount of time (1 and 1/2hrs, where at no time they revealed what the complaints were, but insisted Tony apologise and be punished). All that was made clear was that Y and K were embarrassed the situation would make them and the club look bad. 

Weeks later, we found out that after the meeting K had told Ana and Drizella not to come to training for a month because Tony was ““aggressive”” at the meeting and they ““feared for their safety”” which is complete bullshit and such a petty move! I am still incensed by this! 

If it were true, wouldn’t the correct move be to suspend Tony? NOT the other way around? Or give him a formal warning that if he acted out of line, the university/police would be involved? FFS isn’t this common sense?! 

The intent here wasn’t to protect the complainants (not that it was necessary anyway), but to damage Tony’s reputation further, and again, in a way he couldn’t stand up for himself because he didn’t know about it.

When the union did speak to Tony in regards to the complaints, they told him they had spoken to Ana and Drizella. They conveyed to him what was said, as an informal warning for Tony’s awareness and to correct his behaviour if required, without any obligation to find out if there was any truth to the complaints. Procedurally, that was what they had to do. Also, more annoyingly, what they told Tony was nowhere near as sinister as Y was making the situation out to be this whole time. 

They also mentioned the committee had definitely stepped out of line the way they handled the situation. We’re glad this part of the situation has been finalised.

Since egos were bruised in this situation, Y still has a very apparent bitterness towards Tony... 

Someone showed me a video of him shimpaning where Tony had scored an ippon but Y’s flag didn’t raise and he had this absolute sour-puss face. We’re glad Y has run out of cards to play to try and screw Tony over. 

 At least it seems that K’s anger has subsided.

Also, fortunately there wasn’t any training for a few months due to Covid-19 this year (not that a pandemic is ever a fortunate situation, but you know what I mean) so that Tony could avoid being around those toxic people for a while... 

[actualbird]

I'm really curious, how does your writing process go? (and take as much time as you need! Writing is hard!)

jhdfkjsdfhkd u sent this yesterday but my writing process is so convoluted i can only answer it now omg. heads up, this will get a bit long because my writing process is also A Bit Long also ive wanted to talk about my complicated process for FOREVER. //CLASPS HANDS. THANK U FOR ASKING!!!

so i Really Like Outlines. like. so much. i have my high school to thank for this bc they trained me to put my thoughts down in a bullet point list before i even so much as recited in class, but the structure of outlines is so useful to me in writing because my brain is a Mess. so i need to Put Everything Down First.

how much is “everything”???? my most drastic example was when i was writing for l/es mis last year and my outlines were terrifying. back then, since i was writing rather lengthy oneshots, i wrote at least three outlines, the first being a brainstorming list of ideas, the second being a pre-outline that went thru the basic events, and the third being the comprehensive outline which went through literally everything from dialog to internal monolog to actions and movements. i aint shitting thee. heres my 3 outlines for my one fic where grantaire is a dragon, On One Condition

why is that last outline just an excerpt? bc the entirety of the 3rd outline is 25 pages long. TWENTY FIVE PAGES. (the actual fic itself is 74 pages. JESUS.)

so like on a scale of chill to Balls To The Wall, my l/es mis outlines were a solid The Wall Is Broken. theres a reason i only wrote two fics for l/es mis kjhfkdsjf. this process took weeks of non stop writing

thankfully, my outlines vary on that scale depending on the fic and my mood. ive definitely Calmed Down now that im writing for bee em cee, bc im not writing 20k+ oneshots and instead sticking to fics under 10k or long ones in chapters. to illustrate, heres my outline for ch8 of forest

just the basics!! this type of outline basically goes for all the chapters after the 3rd one, and it’s got a lot more leeway while still guiding me where i need to go

and just because this is hilarious, heres the small semblance of an outline i wrote for The One About The Fridge

SO MY POINT IS i will outline everything. how comprehensively i outline it depends on whether or not i wanna die (i guess). but when even tho i put guidelines in the outline, things def change as i write, and i just adjust the outline according to whatever i changed and continue.

once the outline is done, i sit down and write non-stop. usually this means not sleeping for 2 days. i cant do that now, because of school, but summer!me was wild. write 7k in a day? no problem. at least i didnt find any problems bc once i had an outline, i just have to follow it :0

after the writing is done it’s time to edit!! SIKE!!!!! i do close to no editing at all. this is because 1) idk how grammar works anyway and 2) i do fanfic for fun. my day job as a writing student means im always in Revision Hell, so i like to escape from that here omg. i also dont have a beta reader, but sometimes i bully my younger sister into checking if my english is at least intelligible. other from that, the moment i finish something, i skim it on another device (so i can see typos easier). this lasts for like 10 minutes before i accept the world is flawed and so is my writing, so i just post it anyway. trial by FIRE.

so thats it!! 60% of my writing process is actually pre-writing, and this method is horrifyingly time consuming, but it’s the one that works best for me and my brain. again, thank you for asking!!!

[kristannafever-fics]

A Trip to IKEA

Kristanna Modern au

Rated: T (swears)

WC: 2162

~My Mom and I went to IKEA today, and well this was thought up on the way home :D

---------------

Anna felt better than she had in so very long, that she decided to treat herself.  What better way to start a new chapter in her life, than re-decorating her relatively new and very small apartment.

The place had been so sparse for so long.  It was her frame of mind, she knew, that allowed it to stay that way for way too long. It was just that her breakup had been so hard after she discovered that the man she thought had loved her, was banging three other women behind her back.

What a rat-bastard.

And so, she had moved her few belongings into a new place as far across town from him as possible and wallowed in self pity for a long time until she woke up one day and decided she missed the person she used to be.  

She missed the simple things, like jogging in the park on nice days, going to the farmers markets on the weekends, walking down to the bakery by her house every Monday to grab a fresh pastry before she headed to work.

She missed going out with friends.  She missed the silly painting party nights they used to have – sipping on wine and eating delicious appetizers while they attempted to follow what the painting instructor was doing.

She missed living her life.

Feeling her old self again, she took stock her things to see what she was going to need.  Her bedroom was fine, she had dressers, nightstands and a good comfy queen bed.  But her living room needed a lot of work.  She had a single loveseat, a tv with a stand, and not much else.  Not to mention her kitchen table was only good enough to sit two people but at the moment she only possessed one chair.  

The superintendent in her building, a short and stocky balding old man, was very kind to her and helped her move in.  He also mentioned that if she ever needed to borrow a truck, to come see him and he would happily give her the keys.

She had taken him up on his offer and driven herself to IKEA, ready to shop.

It was so fun going through the store and looking at all the displays – most of which Anna wished she could just move into – that by the time she reached the market hall downstairs, it was two hours later.  It didn’t bother her in the slightest.  She was finally happy again and nothing was going to bring her down.

Another hour later, and after putting a bunch of fun new kitchen items and a small lamp in her big blue bag, she reached the fun part where she would get the boxes that held all her new furniture.

She went to get the bookcase first since it was the largest item.  She looked at all the labels, looking for the bin number until she found it, along with a description and picture of the bookcase she had picked out. Excited, she reached down to grab the long box.

Oh my God!  

Anna knew the box was going to be heavy, but she didn`t think it was going to be this heavy.  She thought she`d be able to muscle it onto the edge of the low cart and then shove it the rest of the way, but the thing was so heavy she could barely get a good grip to move it without smashing her fingers.

Anna straightened and let out a long breath.  What was she going to do now?   She looked up the aisle towards the open thoroughfare between, but there was no one working there in sight.  She looked back down towards where the aisle ended against the wall only to see one lone man.

Who was lifting a box.

A huge box.  

Without any discernible effort whatsoever.

The big blond dude settled the box on the cart easily and went to grab another.  Again, looking like it was nothing more than lifting a five-pound bag of flour.

“Holy shit.”

The man suddenly looked over at her and Anna realized she had said that out loud.  Embarrassed, she turned back to the low shelf which held the bookcase she wanted so badly and mulled over trying to lift it again.

It was so damn hard, Anna felt her good mood slipping right through her fingers just like this fucking box was.  

“Do you, need a hand?”

Anna stopped trying and straightened, turning around slowly.  Unsurprisingly, it was the blond man.  Anna looked up at him, pinching a lip in her teeth.  He was so tall and built it was no wonder those boxes weren’t giving him any shit.

“Um, actually, yes. If you don’t mind?  I didn’t think it was going to be this heavy.”

The blond gave her a small lopsided smirk, but said nothing.  

“This one?” he asked, leaning down.

Anna nodded when he looked at her, then he picked up the box and put it on her cart.  There was no sliding it on and pushing it into place, the man picked it up and placed it exactly where it needed to be.  Not to mention he looked fabulous doing it.

Wait…

“There you are.”

“Oh, thank you.  Thank you so much.  I didn’t know what I was going to do.  I was going to look for someone to help me,”

“They don’t do that here.”

“What do you mean?”

The blond cleared his throat.  “I just mean that it’s against policy for any employee to assist a customer with lifting and loading furniture.  It defeats the whole self serve thing they have going on.  If you need help, you have to pay for home delivery.”

“Oh,” Anna said. “Oh!”

The blond smiled wider this time.  “You just realized you are going to need help loading this into your vehicle, didn’t you?”

Anna’s cheeks burst into flames.  She didn’t think this through at all.  She just wasn’t used to doing things like this on her own.  She nodded after a moment, hesitantly.

“Well I’ve got all I need, so I can go through the till with you and I’ll help you load your stuff.” He paused a moment like he just thought of something.  “You didn’t drive like, a compact car or something, did you?”

Anna’s cheeks somehow got hotter.  “I’m not that dumb,” she said, exasperated.  “I borrowed a truck to come here.”

The big man smiled and held up his hands, acting innocent.  “Hey, I apologize.  I meant no offence.  Just making sure before we get through the till.”

Anna let out a breath and smiled back at him.  She suddenly felt that he was being genuine.  And he was nice enough to help her load the bookcase.

“Come on,” he said at her silence with a little chuckle.  “Show me what else you need and I’ll give you a hand.”

What… the fuck, he is cute as hell!

“Okay, thank you…”

He paused then his eyes widened slightly when he realized what she had imposed the statement like a question.

“Kristoff.”

“Thank you, Kristoff. I’m Anna.”

He nodded at her. “It’s very nice to meet you, Anna.”

*****

“You are a life-saver,” Anna exclaimed, as Kristoff was finished tying down the long boxes that poked slightly over the closed tailgate.  It was a good thing that there was tie straps in the back seat – Anna wouldn’t have thought to tie them down at all.

Good thing she had met Kristoff.

“There you are,” he said, wrapping the loose end of the strap up so it wouldn’t fly around as she drove, then stepped back up on the curb.  “You’re all set.”

“Thank you so much, again. I don’t know how I could have done this on my own.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said quietly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck when he suddenly froze in place a second as if he realized something, then pulled in a slow breath and put his arm back at his side.  “Do you, um, have someone to help you with this when you get home?”

Anna’s face fell.  She hadn’t though of that either.

“I… I’m sorry,” Kristoff stammered.  “I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no it’s okay,” Anna said quickly.  She didn’t like how awkward this had suddenly become.  “I just, well I live alone and I just didn’t think that far ahead. Actually, I thought this would be easy. I guess I just assumed that these things were manageable?  For someone like me, I mean.  I guess I should have thought about it.  They are made of wood and wood isn’t exactly light, is it?  Good thing I didn’t decide to get a new couch today.  Of course if I did then I would have found someone to help me because those are big and impossible to carry alone.  I just… I’m still getting used to this whole living alone thing. Had a nasty break-up a while back. Nothing that you would want to hear about of course.” Anna laughed nervously, realizing she was rambling.

Kristoff gave her a polite and kind smile.  “No worries. I just wanted to know if you might need my help to get your stuff into your place.”

“That…. That offer is on the table?”

Now it was his turn for his cheeks to redden.  “Well yeah, if you need help, I am not going to strand you.  Just give me your address and I’ll come by after I drop my stuff at my place.”

“That’s too kind of you, really.”

“Not a big deal.”

“I’m sure you have other stuff you need to do than help me.”

“No, today is totally wide open.”

Anna nodded after a moment then suddenly realized they were grinning at each other.  This was certainly interesting.  Dating someone new was back on her radar, but she didn’t think she’d meet someone so soon.

Unless he was taken?

“Your… girlfriend won’t mind you helping me out.”

The blond laughed.  “Nice.  Very subtle.”

Anna waited a moment and then he widened his eyes, finally realizing he didn’t answer her question.

“No, there is no girlfriend or anyone.  I live alone too.”

“Well, alright then,” Anna said, getting back to business.  It sure was hard not to keep staring at him.  She reached into her purse and found an old receipt and a pen, then scribbled her address on the back and handed it to Kristoff.

He looked at the paper and laughed again.  “No shit! We live in the same building.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.  I’m three floors above you but on the West facing side.”

“Huh,” Anna said, feeling a warm tingle spread through her whole body.  “What a coincidence.”

*****

After Kristoff took his own two large bookcases that he had purchased for himself, he helped Anna with her smaller one.  Then her new kitchen table, two chairs, wall standing mirror, coffee table with matching end-tables, lamp, shower rack, and her bag full of kitchen items.

She helped him where she could, but he just seemed not to struggle with the larger items so Anna stayed out of his way.  With everything on the floor in her apartment, he went to the door to bid her goodbye.

She was hoping that he would give her his number, or ask her out or something, but he didn’t.  He told her to have a good evening and to knock on his door if she needed help with anything.  Anna thanked him again before she shut the door as he disappeared down the hallway.

She turned and looked into her little apartment.  Had she been reading him wrong?  She thought there was something there.  Maybe he got one look at her place and figured she’d be too much trouble.  Then again, he offered to help her with things if she needed.

The why the f-

The knock was quiet, but it startled Anna all the same.  She took a deep breath and opened the door, expecting the sup, wanting his keys back.

She was delighted to see Kristoff in her doorway instead.

“Sorry, I just realized, well, I should have offered to help you build everything.  That is, if you want help?  I know you can handle it on your own, but if you want help moving things around.  When you’ve built them, I mean? Unless you weren’t going to do that today.  Um…”

Anna smiled at him.  “I would love some help, Kristoff. Afterwards, I can help you with yours, if you’d like?”  She knew he didn’t need any help, but she understood where he was going by coming back to her door.

He smiled.  “Sure.  Then… if you’re not busy tonight, we could grab dinner?”

“That sounds great.”

“Great.”

Anna chuckled.  “Come on in, smooth operator.”

He smirked at her as he passed by to walk into her place.  Anna turned to close the door, a huge grin spreading on her face.

[niniadepapa]

Nini! Since we seem to have the same tastes in tv shows, i was wondering what are your favorite books???

uoHHHHHH BOIIIIII where do i even start?!?!?!?! take a seat my friend because this is gonna be a LONG ride…

the classics i’ve loved since forever:

the famous five series by enid blyton - i read them ALL and reread them dozens of times

the little prince by antoine de saint-exupéry. nothing else to say,

literary any play by federico garcía lorca, but ‘la casa de bernarda alba’ still makes me !!!!!! it’s so good jfc 

ella enchanted by gail carson levine like i’m sorry i know the movie has anne hathaway and hugh dancy but still i feel robbed of the wonderful perfect book i’ve reread 937562937456923 bazillion times. i deserve a proper ella enchanted movie/show, yall. 

 the last cato by matilde asensi. i legit made all my friends AND their moms read it when we were 17.

the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chobsky. it pretty much changed my life.

atonement by ian mcewan. wow. just wow. 

gone girl, by gillian flynn because we all need to read amy dunne’s cool girl speech 

it’s difficult to even type never let me go by kazuo ishiguro without shedding tears.

the perfume by patrick suskind traumatized me but also enchanted me?? idek man, it’s a very special book.

i read the entire the physician series by noah gordon when i was a teenager and i still love it sooooo much!!!!!!

peter pan by j.m. barrie bcs lbr everybody should learn that peter was a fucking asshole

the harry potter series by jk rowling. that abomination of a fanfic slash play that came out last summer obviously isn’t included here. 

the percy jackson and the heroes of the olympus series by rick riordan - my savage demigod son, i’ll always heart u

don’t judge me but the mortal instruments, the dark artifices, the infernal devices - all of the motherfucking shadowhunter books to ever be, i’ll read, no matter how much i hate cc. i hate her for the hold she has over me.

i did enjoy the hunger games back in the day lbr

stardust by neil gaiman ksjbdfakdfjalsdfjbaglsjdfblkas literary my most favorite i love it so much it hurts me

and now as of things i’ve read in the past years that i can rec w a hand over my heart staring into your eyes and claiming they’re Good Shit:

across the universe series by beth revis was pretty fun for sci-fi even tho there was a twist that i wasn’t very happy with

under the never sky by veronica rossi was actually very cool i really enjoyed it

i REALLY loved the shatter me series by tahereh mafi like oh my god a heroine that truly learns how to accept and love herself!!!!!! fuckbois get rekt!!!!! incredible character arcs!!!! i’m pumped for the next book tahereh announced lbr

the lynburn legacy series by sarah rees brennan was suuuuper fun because magic?? family drama??? actual woc main character?? bisexuals??? i was living while reading them tbh

vicious by v.e. schwab was really fun because it was nothing like i’d ever read before, i’m really looking forward to reading her other series 

i’ll only rec leigh bardugo’s six of crows duology because i refuse to acknowledge the fucking mess that was the grisha trilogy, jfc. six of crows, excluding some stuff, is super fun, has great characters, good ships, and teenagers that pull cool stunts to get $$$. incredible.

the fixer series by jennifer lynn barnes are !!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish she wrote more of them i would legit beg her and throw money in her face for more. teens swept off by washington/politics drama/conspiracies… my jam ladies and gents

the study series by maria snyder. are. so. good.

i’ve only read two of melina marchetta’s books and both of them broke me. i’m onto her.

big little lies by liane moriarty - if you haven’t watched the show, do it. if you haven’t read the book, do it.

i loooooved the first two books in the falconer series by elizabeth may and still have to read the third but i haven’t seen good reviews about it so i’m kind of… waiting a bit…

i’m not gonna talk much about sarah j maas here because even if there are things in her books that i really enjoy -specially some ships and the worldbuilding- the inherently whiteness, straightness and the unbelievably high number of times she writes the words ‘male’ and ‘female’ makes me want to punch her repeteadly in the face. 

simon vs the homo sapiens agenda by becky albertalli is so funny and heartwarming dkzfjbzdjfkblz

uprooted by naomi novik had lowkey w/w but also an incredible het ship that was dkjfbksdjfs also living evil woods and strange shit that was amazing

what we saw by aaron hartzler is very rough to read, especially considering it’s based on a real life case (Steubenville High School rape case) but holy shit do i think it’s important to read and know. 

in that same line i put one of my favorite books i read last year: the female of the species, by mindy mcginnis. that book broke me on so many levels, every time i think about it i burst into tears. it’s so raw and real and just… ugh. i swear it’s gonna stay with me until my last day, it’s /that/ kind of book.

i still haven’t forgiven my best friend for making me read the mistborn series by brandon sanderson. that’s al i’m gonna say about it.

cruel beauty by rosamund hodge is so unique and i just loooooove the characters so much because they do acknowledge their flaws and that they’re not perfect?? and just??? recognize that in each other??? which is a+++ in my book u do u. also super beautiful writing!

the anna and the french kiss series by stephenie perkins will always have a special place in my heart bcs they’re so fun and light-hearted and witty and i really love them 

AND NOW, TOP FIVE:

the daughter of smoke and bone series by laini taylor IS INCREDIBLE. WHY IS EVERYBODY SLEEPING ON THIS BOOKS. ANGELS AND MONSTERS. ANGELS ARE ACTUALLY BAD, MONSTERS ARE GOOD. ANGST. IT’S SO GOOD.

the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, even if i still have hashtag problems w things in it (more girls. why aren’t there more girls. NOAH.) i just… i love my stupid kids so much. 

the wrath and the dawn by renee ahdieh is fucking INCREDIBLE it’s so good i get so mad bcs it’s legit unknown pls do urselves a favor and read this masterpiece it’s based on a 1001 nights and the main ship and characters are!!!! just!!!!! a++++!

the song of achilles by madeline miller is probably one of the books that i have most enjoyed and suffered with in my entire life. the true illyad i deserved. the most heartbreaking thing ever.

the winner’s trilogy by marie rutkoski is literary the best series i’ve read these past years and i’ll forever be in cee’s debt for making me read them. the most savage slytherins in love with the angstiest motherfucking relationship ever, a super clever look into colonialism and discrimination, the most beautifully haunting writing, IT’S JUST SO FUCKING GOOD I’LL NEVER READ ANYTHING AS GOOD AS TWT WHY AREN’T THERE 398465923846 FICS ABOUT IT JFC *sobs*

this got LONG lmao i’m sorry i get really excited talking about books in case u were wondering!!!!!!! i’m more than happy to talk about literary any of them, and welcome recs and will pretty much spew shit about anything i know ig u wanna holler @ me. i just really love books and i’ve been in an anxious-reading mode for the past three years so yEAH thanks for the ask anon it made me super happy!!!!!!

[thehooliganhangoutspot]

(Submission)

Nerd here: I remember that day too. The whole situation was just so awkward. And he sang "Fuck you" to the girl in the style of like the Cee-lo Green song "Fuck you" I don't think Bruno meant any harm when he did that because he was laughing while he did it so it was meant as a joke, but it really didn't look good at all. From what I remember, the girl was married and she had a husband, so she probably didn't want another man to sing to her like that. Plus she probably didn't know what Bruno was planning on doing when he called on her. So that probably made her nervous too. You know some singers pull a person up on stage and start like dancing on them or grinding on them. Usher does that at some of his concerts. Maybe the girl thought it will be something like that. She probably didn't know that Bruno is just gonna sing. And from Bruno's perspective, he felt like the girl is messing up the show because it's all an act and he just wanna sing to her real quick and proceed with the rest of the show, which probably frustrated him. And the crowd started to boo the girl, it was just a mess. Bruno eventually moved on to a new girl to sing to but everything was just so awkward. As soon as Bruno saw that the girl didn't want to be serenaded, he should've immediately just chose another girl. That would've been better. Because had he done that, then the girl would see that it was just some simple singing, and she would have felt like she missed out and regretted rejecting Bruno. It would have been the best revenge. No need to get in your feelings about one girl, when there's literally thousands of other girls willing to take her place, and do everything you say. And also just the simple fact that you gotta accept that some people don't want attention, some people have anxiety and super shy. You can't force a person to do something they don't wanna do. You gotta respect it. But I think Bruno really regret singing "fuck you" to the girl cuz Warner music took every piece of footage of the incident down from Youtube and Bruno wrote a heartfelt tweet saying "I pray that I give you as much joy as you give me. I forever love you Hooligans" And of course that's pertaining to that incident that occurred. I don't think Bruno was trying to be super malicious. We all know he has an Unorthodox form of humor, but being like that can easily be misconstrued as him being a bad guy, when really he's joking and he doesn't mean any real harm. Bruno gotta know how to tone it down sometimes. And I think he has. I think he's learned from that situation. I don't think Bruno gonna do that again. I really think he's learned from his mistakes. He's not a bad guy, he just makes bad decisions sometimes, and next time come around, he'll do the right thing.