#chainsaw man season 2 please get announced soon

[meownotgood]

the inside of my heart looks something like this

[best-female-villain-tournament]

best female villain tournament!

SEASON 2

RULES:

- Only submit the same character once

- Multiple submissions with different characters are fine!

- Matchups will be posted as soon as I have enough submissions and will include the most submitted characters

-Resubmissions are fine as long as they weren’t on the tourney last time

- Please be as detailed as possible

I had issues on my end with some technicalities and media’s. eg a lot of characters from the hatchetfield musicals by team starkid were just submitted as hatchetfield which made it harder to search for them to identify them and get pictures etc. If those and similar fandoms could be submitted with what musical etc they’re from that would be great :)

Those who sent submissions through my askbox will be getting submitted by me unless it was off anon(because you’ll be getting a notification)

Cool people/awareness tags:

@tournament-announcer @bisexual-protagonist-competiton @the-ballerina-battle @the-great-british-blorbo-off @pinkhairswagtourney @childhoodfriendstoloversshowdown @most-tragic-character-tournament

characters in the last poll(please do not submit):

Makima(Chainsaw Man)

Dahlia Hawthorne(Ace Attorney)

The Handler(The Umbrella Academy)

Margaret Slitheen(Doctor Who)

Linda Monroe(Hatchetfield)

Miyo Takano(Higurashi When They Cry)

Diane Makepeace(Layton Brothers: Mystery Room)

Marisa Coulter(His Dark Materials)

Vespera(Keeper of the Lost Cities)

Master Cyclonis(Storm Hawks)

Exellinor the Witch(How To Train Your Dragon(books))

Lady Felmet(Discworld(Wyrd sisters))

Magica De Spell(Ducktales)

Twyla Sophio(Cemetery Mary)

Liliana(Oxventure)

Marie Campbell(Killer Frequency)

Jezaille Brett/Asa Shinn(Ace Attorney)

White Diamond(Steven Universe)

Medusa(Kid Icarus)

Bryce Tankthrust(Brandon Rogers/Bryce Tankthrust, CEO)

Beatrice(Umineko When They Cry)

Shiela young(Hatchetfield)

Odalia Blight(The Owl House)

Cora Mills(Once Upon a Time)

Alcina Dimitrescu(Resident Evil)

GLaDOS(Portal)

Eris(Sinbad)

Beroba(Kamen Rider Geats)

Poison Ivy(DC)

Harumi(Ninjago)

Lusamine(Pokemon)

Arlecchino(Genshin Impact)

Dr Olivia Octavius(Spiderman: Into The Spider-verse)

The Other Mother(Coraline)

Granny Rags(Dishonoured)

Larxene(Kingdom Hearts)

Morgana Pendragon(BBC Merlin)

Barbara Burgess(The Goes Wrong Show (90 Degrees))

Cinder Fall(RWBY)

Lanfear/Selene(Wheel of Time)

Azula(Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Queen Chrysalis(My Little Pony)

Mother Gothel(Tangled)

Cruella de Vil(101 Dalmations)

Missy(Doctor Who)

Nightmare Moon(My Little Pony)

Himiko Toga(My Hero Academia)

Maleficent(Sleeping Beauty)

The Iron Queen(Sonic the Hedgehog)

Lust(Fullmetal Alchemist)

Shego(Kim Possible)

Queen Beryl(Sailor Moon)

Medusa Gorgon(Soul Eater)

The Enchantress(Shovel Knight)

Delilah Briarwood(Critical Role: The Legend of Vox Machina)

Delilah Copperspoon(Dishonored)

Kaia(Motorcity)

Lady Gisela Sencen(Keeper of the Lost Cities)

Evelyn Deavor(the Incredibles)

Yzma(Emperors New Groove)

Madalena(Galavant)

Ragyo Kiryuin(Kill la Kill)

The Prince(Bullet Train)

Queen Cersei Lannister(Game of Thrones)

[gravecinema]

Top 10 Horror Movie Franchises - 07/06/2020

Number 10 – Phantasm

Number of movies - 5

In the first movie of this series, the residents of a small town have begun dying under mysterious circumstances, leading the young boy Mike to investigate. After discovering that the town's mortician -- known as the Tall Man -- is killing and reanimating the dead, Mike seeks help from his older brother, Jody, and local ice cream man Reggie. Working together, they try to lure out and kill the Tall Man, all while avoiding his zombie minions and a deadly flying silver sphere.

Featuring a beautiful Plymouth Hemi Cuda, a four-barrel shotgun-toting ice cream man, and a menacing tall and creepy antagonist with a ton of iconic flying silver balls of death, the Phantasm series is one the best and most enduring franchises in all of horror. With most of the main cast and actors returning and being featured in all five films, the quality of the series rarely dips, which can always be a detriment for other franchises. This is extra impressive considering the first film came out in 1979, with the final one being released 37 years later in 2016.

The character of Reggie would go on to become a great horror hero on par with the character of Ash from the Evil Dead series. His character becomes the main heart of the series, and really gives the audience someone to root for in each of the films. Combine that with the great villain of the Tall Man and the unforgettable killer flying spheres, and the Phantasm series is definitely deserving of the number 10 spot in the top 10 horror franchises of all time.

Number 9 – Saw

Number of movies - 9

In the first Saw movie, a photographer and an oncologist wake up in a dark and dirty bathroom while chained to pipes at either end. The two men soon realize that they've been trapped by a sadistic serial killer nicknamed "Jigsaw." Jigsaw then forces them to complete his perverse puzzle to live, while flashbacks reveal the fates of his previous victims. Meanwhile, the Dr.'s wife and young daughter are forced to watch his torture via closed-circuit video.

That first Saw movie is intense and suspenseful with a great twist ending. Working off a low budget, it would become one of the highest grossing movies of the year, and spawn 8 sequels, with the latest one set to be released within the near future. For seven years, the Saw franchised owned the Halloween movie season, with a new installment of the series being released every year. The low cost of the production of the movies pretty much guaranteed a high return at the box office for as long as the movies remained popular.

The character of Jigsaw would go on to become an Icon of the new millennium of horror. The movies would coin a new subgenre of horror known as torture porn. They have certainly left their mark and continue to inspire newer filmmakers today. They will always make us want to answer the question of whether or not we want to play one of Jigsaw’s games.

Number 8 – Psycho

Number of movies - 6  

Secretary Marion Crane is fleeing after stealing $40,000 from her employer in order to run away with her boyfriend, Sam Loomis. She buys a new car and soon gets caught in a heavy rainstorm. Traveling on the back roads to avoid the police, she stops for the night at the small Bates Motel and meets the polite but odd proprietor Norman Bates, a young man with an interest in taxidermy and possessing a difficult relationship with his mother. One fateful shower later, and Psycho would then transform itself into a landmark of horror cinema.

The original Psycho movie by Alfred Hitchcock is one of the great masterpieces of horror. It made an entire generation afraid to take a shower the same way Jaws made people afraid to go into the ocean. The shower scene is one of the true iconic moments of horror with a great soundtrack to go with it. The great twist at the end would give Anthony Perkins one of the most memorable roles in horror, and he would go on to give equally great performances in the next three sequels.

The first Psycho sequel released 23 years after the original is one of the best sequels I have ever seen and is just as pleasing to watch as the first movie, with another great ending. While the quality of the other films may be questionable, Anthony Perkins always gives a great performance and makes the movies well worth a watch. That’s why the Psycho series is one of my favorites, and worthy of a spot in my top 10.

Number 7 – Evil Dead

Number of movies - 4

Ashley "Ash" Williams played by the great Bruce Campbell, his girlfriend Linda, and three friends drive into the woods to a cabin for a fun night away. There they find an old book bound in human flesh and inked in blood called the Necronomicon, whose text reawakens and possesses the dead when it's read aloud. The friends inadvertently release the evil from the book and must fight for their lives or become one of the evil dead. Ash watches his friends become possessed one by one and must make a difficult decision before dawn in order to save his own life in the first of Sam Raimi's great trilogy.

The first movie of the series is a landmark in independent horror, and the next movies would each outdo the other in their own way, with Evil Dead 2 being more of a horror comedy, and Army of Darkness being more of a horror fantasy adventure. There would also be a remake released in 2013 that would take the series back to its terror roots and it is one of the better remakes of the genre. Bruce Campbell would also return as Ash in the Starz series Ash vs. Evil Dead in 2015 for three seasons.

There is not a weak installment in the entire series, and the character of Ash continues to be one the most iconic heroes in all of horror. When you have a chainsaw for a hand, and a boomstick in the other, the cool factor is definitely on your side. Another movie installment has recently been announced, and that is sure to be another great watch in one of the greatest horror series ever produced.

Number 6 – Frankenstein

Number of movies - 7

Released in 1931, The first iconic Universal horror film of this series follows the mad scientist Dr. Henry Frankenstein as he attempts to create life by assembling a creature from body parts grave robbed of the deceased. Helped by his loyal hunchback assistant, Fritz, Frankenstein succeeds in animating his great monster, played by Boris Karloff in his breakout role, but, confused and possessing an abnormal brain, it escapes into the countryside and begins to wreak havoc on the local villagers. Frankenstein searches for the elusive creature, and eventually must confront his tormented creation.

The original Frankenstein series of movies is among the most historical and iconic in all of horror. It was the original series to bring true terror to audiences starting all the way back in the 30’s. It is the most successful and prolific series of the original Universal horror monsters and maintains a high level of quality with each film. Bride of Frankenstein is highly regarded as one of the best sequels ever made. Each film has some of the best actors of their time, and Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man kicked off the very first cinematic universe of films.

This universe reaches its zenith with the final film of this franchise in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein in 1948. This classic film can be considered the first horror comedy, and brings together the classic monsters of Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolf Man, with even the Invisible Man making a quick cameo at the end. It features only the second and last cinematic performance of the great Bela Lugosi as Dracula and has as great an ending as any horror franchise can ask for, inspiring even greater franchises in the years to come. This landmark horror series of cinema more than earns its place in the top 10.

Number 5 – Child's Play

Number of movies - 8

Gunned down by a detective, dying murderer Charles Lee Ray, played by the great Brad Dourif, uses black magic to put his soul inside a buddi doll named Chucky, which an unsuspecting mother then buys for her young son, Andy. When Chucky kills Andy's babysitter, the boy realizes that his new doll is alive and he tries to warn people, but he's institutionalized. Now his mom must convince the detective of the existence of the murderous doll, before Andy becomes Chucky's next victim, and the next vessel for the killer’s soul.

The greatness of the Child’s Play series is the ongoing story of the killer doll Chucky. Aside from the recent remake, all the movies in the series are written by Don Mancini, which provides the series with great continuity. Once the series starts getting named for Chucky and drops the Child’s Play title, each installment offers something new and different from the previous one. The introduction of killer doll Tiffany in Bride of Chucky breathes new life into the series, and her character soon becomes just as iconic as Chucky himself.

After the events of the most recent film which ended in a bit of a cliffhanger, a new television series will soon be released further exploring these characters and expanding the mythology in this great and ongoing franchise that started in 1988. The length of this franchise, it’s iconic status, and the continuing installments of the series has this franchise earning its place in the top half of my top 10 horror franchises.

Number 4 – Halloween

Number of movies - 11

On Halloween night in 1963, six-year-old Michael Myers brutally murdered his 17-year-old sister, Judith. He was then locked away in and institution for 15 years. But on October 30, 1978, while being transferred for a court date, a now adult Michael Myers steals a car and escapes. He returns to his quiet hometown of Haddonfield, Illinois, donning a simple white mask where he looks for his next victims, including that of Laurie Strode, played by Jamie Lee Curtis in her first starring role.

The very first Halloween movie has to be the most iconic in all of slasher-horror. It has spawned a franchise that has released 11 theatrical movies, with 2 more soon to be released within the next two years. The memorable theme song can be considered to be the finest in all of horror. Laurie Strode is also known as one of the best final girls of all time. Even after the series gets a little tired, every now and again, a new semi reboot gets released to install new life into the series, such as the most recent installment in 2018.

Even though the Halloween series is probably the most well-known horror franchise, the inconsistent quality of the movies and multiple restarts of continuity keeps this series out of my top 3. Starting with the third film, the series starts to branch off in multiple directions and continuities that essentially turn the Halloween franchise into a choose-your-own-adventure series. However, just like Michael Myers, the Halloween franchise never stays dead for long and always finds a way to come back.

Number 3 – Scream

Number of movies - 4

In 1996, writer Kevin Williamson and director Wes Craven re-invented and revitalized the slasher-horror genre with this modern horror classic, which manages to be funny, clever and scary. The movie starts with the finest opening scene in all of horror and shocks the audience into believing that no one is safe and that anything can happen. As a ghost-faced knife-wielding maniac stalks high school students in the remote town of Woodsboro, a who-dun-it takes place as the cast tries to figure out who the killer is as they all start to die one by one.  

With the first few sequels, the Scream franchise single handedly revitalized the entire horror genre that had been on a downward trend in the 90’s, with each film being a commentary on certain aspects of the genre. After the initial trilogy, a fourth film was released a decade later to add another self-aware take on reboots and remakes that had been happening more widely during that time period. With each movie being directed by Wes Craven and with the main surviving characters returning for each one, the quality and continuity of this series remains higher than any other franchise in horror.  

With the announcement of a new movie planning to be released within the next few years, the Scream series continues to live on. Even with the sad passing of Wes Craven, the willingness of cast members to keep returning to this series almost guarantees that the quality of movies will remain to be high. As Sydney Prescott, Neve Campbell will go on as possibly the greatest final girl in all of horror, starring and surviving in each installment of the series. The sheer force of creative nature that keeps the quality of each movie insanely high earns this franchise my number 3 spot.

Number 2 – Friday the 13th

Number of Movies - 12

In the first movie of this classic and iconic horror series, Crystal Lake's history of murder doesn't deter a young group of counselors from setting up a summer camp in the woodsy area. Superstitious locals warn against it, but the fresh-faced and lusty young people pay little heed to crazy Ralph. Then they find themselves stalked by a brutal killer. As they're slashed, maimed, and stabbed, the counselors struggle to stay alive against a merciless and unseen killer.

If Halloween started the slasher craze, then the Friday the 13th series launched it into the stratosphere. With 8 installments released in the decade with varying degrees of quality, Friday the 13th lorded over 80’s horror. After a brief cameo in the first movie, the character of Jason Vorhees would go on to become one of the titans of horror. Donning his iconic hockey mask for the first time in part 3, the image of the machete-wielding hockey-masked killer would live on as one of the most recognizable and greatest in all of horror.  

Since the remake that was released in 2009, the franchise has remained stagnant and caught in litigation hell, preventing another movie from being released for the time being. However, that will eventually pass, and just like Jason Vorhees himself, there will be no stopping this behemoth of a franchise from returning from the dead with a new movie in the near future. The only thing keeping this series out of my top spot is the franchise performance of Jason’s greatest rival in horror...

Number 1 – A Nightmare on Elm Street

Number of movies - 9

In Wes Craven's classic slasher film, several teenagers fall prey to Freddy Krueger, played by the charismatic Robert Englund, a disfigured fedora-wearing murderer known as the Springwood Slasher who preys on the teenagers in their dreams -- which, in turn, kills them in reality. After investigating the phenomenon, Nancy begins to suspect that a dark secret kept by her and her friends' parents may be the key to solving the mystery, and finally defeating Freddy Krueger once and for all.

Released in 1984, A Nightmare on Elm Street is quite possibly the most unique and best horror film ever made. The story terrorized audiences, and throughout the sequels, Freddy Krueger became a household name. Each movie launched Freddy more and more into the spotlight, giving us a killer who was not only scary, but also funny. The success of these movies single handedly turned a small movie studio into a major player in Hollywood. There’s a reason why New Line Cinema is known as the house that Freddy built. No other horror franchise can lay claim to that honor.

With the rights to Freddy Krueger recently reverting to the Craven estate, rumors continue to run rampant on the possibility of Robert Englund returning for at least one more movie as Freddy. His last movie as Freddy was when his character finally faced off against that other titan of 80’s horror, Jason Vorhees, in Freddy vs. Jason from 2003. If that movie should ever come, you can be certain that it will be the king of the box office just like the Freddy films of old. Even though Freddy may have lost his fight against Jason in Freddy vs. Jason, the massive success of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise and the continued adoration of the Freddy character has let A Nightmare on Elm Street claim the top spot as my top horror franchise of all time.

[samtheflamingomain]

hello wisconsin!

Okay, I'm garbage and have been putting this off for ages. I finished binging That 70's Show like a month ago and have been building this post for just as long.

I started this post at the beginning of season 6. Read it as such. I'll let you know when the part I wrote at season 6 ends and where I pick it back up in the present. If that makes sense.

I'm starting at season 6 mostly because I'm pretty sure the shark is going to be jumped at some point soon. Just like MASH, which lasted longer than the Korean war, 70's stretches 2 years of high school into 5 seasons. Plus another 3 for some reason.

And that's my first point. New rule: if your TV show appreciates in time and the events in the show don't line up with that, you've fucked up. I just watched 5 seasons of the kids in high school. You're telling me this shit goes on for another 75 fucking episodes?

Look, MASH I can give a pass to because they don't mark specific points in the war to give the watcher any time reference. MASH gives no dates - it's feasible that a 5-year war could span 10+ seasons, if we guess that each season is 6 months long. (That's not how it really works, but you get the point).

70's STARTS THE SHOW at the end of grade 11, and we know this. To a rational person, that means "One season of grade 11, 2 for grade 12, maybe another for summers." Then. They. Graduate. And. Leave.

But that's... not happening. For ANY of the main characters. They just decided to extend a show about high schoolers into their *supposed* college years. Which I wouldn't even have minded much - if ANY of them ACTUALLY WENT TO COLLEGE.

If they hadn't made things so cut-and-dry regarding timeframes, They could've kept being 12th graders for 10 seasons for all I care. But they CHOSE to follow defined timespans. And I think that's what's got me feeling that season 5 might've been the last "good season".

So everything you've read, I wrote before I finished the show. And, well, turns out I was right. This is also from before I finished the show (with a few things I’ve thrown in now):

There's a lot to disect from 70s, but there's one I want to focus on: Red Forman.

Why? Well, these characters are static and uninteresting: Donna, Fes* and Bob. They're pretty useless in terms of character development. These ones have simple character arcs: Hyde, Eric and Kitty. They change and grow, but in pretty predictible ways. In terms of change, Jackie obviously takes the cake, with Kelso at a close second.

*It is actually spelled Fes, because that's not his name. It's an acronym for Foreign Exchange Student.

But there's only one character that never seems to change or grow at all: Red. I said "seems" because he does change and grow, but it's instantaneous and doesn’t come for a looooong time.

It takes place immediately after returning from fishing, after Eric tells him he and Donna are engaged. He reaches a very sound, strong position: he made Eric run the gauntlet on everything he shit his way, but Eric never gave up. So he gives Eric the blessing to marry Donna. (There's another very pivotal change in his character, but that's later.)

I would've called that a nice wrap-up to the series.

But then they had to give him a damn heart attack to keep all the kids here. Why? Fuck if I know. (Jackie's still in high school and Hyde has a job he likes at home, but there is literally no reason for any of these other kids to still be here.)

The stupid heart-attack got Eric to push back college. I was fine with that. Then the whole Casablanca shit with Donna not getting on the bus, well, it kinda pissed me off (like, girl, don't let a fuckin weak ass ferret man determine your future) but it was a pretty sweet, moving moment. Another one that would've been great to end the show on.

But they didn't. So now we have Kelso, future cop; Fes, unemployed illegal immigrant with ZERO CHARACTER TRAITS THAT PEOPLE CARE ABOUT; and Eric “Dog Food” Forman.

Anyway, back to Red. It was that one heartwarming moment when he came back from fishing that made me realize that, while this is obviously fiction, Red is the epitome of a psychologically abusive parent. And THAT'S when I realized that literally not one of the characters HASN'T gone through significant trauma. Red's a vet; Kitty's an alcoholic who lost her father; Eric has an abusive father and alcoholic mother; Donna has a mentally retarded ball of pubic hair as a father and her mother ran out; Hyde's parents split; Jackie's dad's in jail and mom fucked off. I refuse to talk about Fes anymore cuz he's just the stupidest, most irritating "character" on the show, Randy notwithstanding. "He's brown! And has a funny accent! Hahaha" - nobody, ever.

It's when I realized that we NEVER see ANY of Kelso's home life did I realize that he was likely the sanest of the group. And, like him outscoring both Hyde and Eric on the SATs, that's very, very sad.

Back to Red. We know he became traumatized and hardened by serving in two wars. We know he's treated Eric like garbage his entire life... yet Eric is pretty well-adjusted. And that is where, 5000 words in, we get to my point: abuse is played for laughs and it's fine because Eric has a snappy comeback to Red most of the time.

Eric Foreman's a sarcastic wit with great comedic timing. So that, according to the show, cancels out of all the times Red's told Eric he was stupid and degraded him in front of his friends.

Of course, conflict has to come from somewhere, and one's parents is that major source for most teens. But to an extent.

"Red's a hardass," as the kids say regularly. But no, being a hardass is refusing a kid candy till he finishes his broccoli. Not telling him he's worthless over and over and over for 17 years

And I don't care what anyone says: that amount of abuse over a child's life does not a snappy, well-adjusted Eric Forman make.

It makes me. A crumbling, shattered, fragmented person with no sense of self-worth or accomplishment.

And now, we’re caught up. Back in the present, having finished the show.

My point ended up being made.

If the show had ended at season 5 with Donna missing her bus, we would've missed a lot.

Look, I still firmly believe the show itself would've been better if it had ended earlier, but my complaints about the effect of Red's abuse of Eric would've gone unanswered.

I spent the next 3 seasons mildly annoyed that they existed - first, Eric doesn't go to college. Then neither does Donna. Why are they still around? Why do we still care? The whole point of the show was to show us high schoolers graduating and going off to college. To me, it felt like how it would feel if MASH continued after the war ended.

I was absolutely irrate when Eric announced the theme of season 7 would be "I'm taking a year off to eat and watch TV and sleep!" There was a great scene that's often seen on tumblr in gif form: at breakfast, Red asks Eric what he's going to do about: moving out, Donna, his job, and his future. He replies "I 'unno" to each question. Red tells him to have a plan by the end of the day if he wants to eat. And I said "Finally, some good fucking Red Forman." Then, at the end of the day, Eric announces: "Donna? Hanging out. Job? Quit. Future? None. When am I moving out? Make. Me."

To which I said, "THAT'S WHAT YOU DID LAST SEASON BITCH!" Only apparently I was wrong; Eric Forman could and did become even more useless than before.

But at least it gets us to my absolute favorite point in the entire series. Season 7, episode 9, 18 minutes in. (Thanks to Reddit for helping me locate this scene). Red is bitching at Eric for not knowing what to do with his life. Let's go straight to the transcript (with side jokes edited out):

E: Did it ever occur to you guys that I don't know what I'm doing? I'm scared, okay? Look. My whole life, I've been trying to please other people. So I feel like I don't know who I am. Or know what I want to do with my life. I just don't want to wake up in five years and hate my life.

R: That's unavoidable.

E: Okay, I just need more time to think.

R: You know what I got for my 18th birthday? A draft notice and a Malaria vaccine. I never had time to *think.*

E: Yeah, but Dad, don't you think it would've been helpful if you did?

Then the camera zooms in on Red, and no laugh track, no jokes, he thinks for a good 20 seconds. Then he says, "Okay. I'll give you six months."

It's my favourite scene. Even more than the one we get after fishing or the one before leaving for Africa. Because unlike those few heartfelt scenes, this one relies on Red. Being. Wrong. And admitting it.

There's a reason Eric's spent his whole life trying to please others: Red. There's a reason Eric doesn't know who he is: Red.

Throughout the entire series, Red's been a Conservative Republican veteran who, as Kitty puts it, "Thinks the only way to become a man is to DIE." Just 500 words ago, I called him abusive. And, let's be real, he is.

But I also had an abusive father. That's why I picked this direction for this post to go. I saw Scott in Red Forman. But they are NOT the same.

Red Forman will admit to being wrong. And that makes up for a whole goddamn lot. Going through abuse is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy. But if they did and their abuser ADMITTED HE WAS WRONG, that is NOT nothing to the abused. If my dad had admitted he was a dick, my life would be a LOT different.

And Eric is the epitome of that feeling. His eyes light up when Red says he'll give him six months. Because Red knows he's done Eric wrong. He knows he owes him at least this much. At various points throughout the series it's been pointed out that Eric is who he is because of Red. It was inevitable that Red, too, would eventually reach this conclusion.

Anyway. That's that.

I do want to talk about other things than Eric and Red Forman, so let's play all the hits: fuck Jackie and Fes, fuck Randy with a chainsaw, the moment the show jumped the shark was when Eric bailed on the wedding, fuck Randy with a hot curling iron, Fes is the most annoying and useless character on the show, LOVED the episode where they finally Green Out™ and Kelso calls the White House, and FUCK RANDY WITH A CEREMONIAL JAPANESE KATANA.

Look. I can't in good conscience indulge in a 70's review without talking Randy.

But I hate him so much I don't want to waste energy on him so let's get this over with: useless, Gary Stu, want to put his hair through a blender, fuck him for being in the cirle in the theme song.

Okay, but let's play one last one: Tommy Chong.

I was curious as to why he was absent for 3 seasons so I Googled it. Dude was in prison for selling bongs. He said, upon getting out and returning to the show, "I thought they would've made that a part of the show!" I think that says it all about Leo and why he's my favorite character, with Hyde as a close second. But FUCK Danny Masterson and FUCK Scientology. Look it up.

Well, to finish off, an interesting tidbit: at the end of the theme song, it is Hyde who shouts "Hello Wisconsin!". The entire time, for 200 episodes, I would've sworn on my life that it was Kelso.

Stay Greater.

[advocatewrites-blog]

Into the Unknown Part 2 Chapter 4

Into the Unknown

Fandom: Undertale, Coraline (book), Over the Garden Wall, Paranorman, Gravity Falls (season 2)

Characters: Frisk, Norman B., Dipper P., Mabel P., Coraline J., Wirt, Greg, the Cat, the Frog; Sans, Toriel, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, Asgore,; the Other Mother, the Beast, Agatha P., Bill Cipher, Asriel D., Chara D.,

Pairings: Not the focus. Alphys/Undyne, with mentions of Papyrus/Mettaton, sans/Toriel/Asgore, and Wirt/Sara. Due to the nature of Undertale and the dating segments, there is also interpretable Papyrus/Wirt, Undyne/Mabel, Alphys/Dipper, Napstablook/Norman, Mettaton/Norman, Mettaton/Mabel, Sans/Dipper, Sans/Norman, and Sans/Greg.

Rated a high +K for violence, mild language, horrific elements that may be disturbing to younger readers,  mentions of child abuse and bullying, character death that is sometimes permanent, and mentions of suicide that may be triggering. These elements remain relatively unchanged from their source material, which most all are for children, but discretion is advised nonetheless.

Disclaimer: Undertale was created and owned by Toby Fox. Coraline was created by Neil Gaiman and owned by Bloomsbury and Laika. Over the Garden Wall was created by Patrick McHale and owned by Cartoon Network. Paranorman was created by Sam Fell and Chris Butler and owned by Laika. Gravity Falls was created by Alex Hirsch and owned by Disney. Any other work mentioned or homage are property of their respective owners. This is a fan-made, nonprofit work that only seeks to entertain. Please support the original franchises.

Start from beginning / Previous chapter / Next chapter (soon)

Chapter 4

“I didn’t expect a laboratory in a place like this,” said Greg.

“What?”

Wirt was pulled out of his thoughts as he looked up. A building sat in front of them, plain except for the words “LAB” printed on its side.

“Oh,” said Wirt. “Well, maybe we should go around then.”

“I’m not sure if we can,” said Greg. He pointed to the rest of the road, barely a cliff left from where the lab ended.

“Then we’ll run in,” said Wirt. “And we’ll be very polite and we won’t stick around long enough for them to figure out we’re human.”

“Sounds like a plan. Lead the way, Spuds McKenzie!”

The frog croaked and hopped towards the lab. Two automatic doors slid open and the three walked in.

There was only one light source in the lab, a monitor that filled the room with an eerie blue glow. There was no one around, Wirt realized. The light hum of machinery felt a lot louder than it really was.

“It’s you!” Greg said, and pointed to the monitor.

Wirt turned. His reflection stared back.

“We’re going,” said Wirt as he pushed his brother through.

They were not halfway through the hallway when the lights snapped on, startling Wirt to a stop. A door opened beside him as a small dinosaur monster walked out. Its eyes instantly fell onto the two.

“Hello!” said Greg.

“Oh. My God.” It breathed. “I didn’t expect you to show up so soon! I haven’t showered, I’m barely dressed, it’s all messy and…”

It stopped its pacing and took a deep breath.

“Uh…h-h-hiya! I’m Dr. Alphys, King ASGORE’s royal scientist,” it said. “B-b-b-but I’m not one of the bad guys! Actually, since you stepped out of the Ruins, I’ve been, uh, been ‘observing’ your journey through my console.”

“We noticed,” said Wirt.

“I-I was originally going to stop you,” said Dr. Alphys “But there’s something about watching people on a screen that really makes you root for them. So I want to help you.”

“I think we’ll be fine,” said Wirt.

“But Wirt!” said Greg. “We could be famous!”

“She’s the only one watching us!” said Wirt. “And that’s weird!”

“A-a-actually, uh…” said Dr. Alphys. “T-t-there is a problem of…that. A long time ago, I made a robot named Mettaton. Originally, I built him to be an entertainment robot. Uh, you know, like a robotic TV star or something. Anyway, recently I decided to make him more useful.  You know, just some small practical adjustments. Like…uh…anti…anti-human combat features? And, uh…now he’s an unstoppable killing machine with a thirst for human blood?”

Wirt’s blood ran cold. A set of heavy thuds filled the room and echoed about.

“So what you’re saying is,” said Greg. “We’re going to be on TV?”

“OH YES!” A highly processed voice rang out through the lab.

The child was not there when the Cat awoke. Neither was Beatrice. The Cat could not help but think these two were related.

“ �|ҁ�w6 ,” said the man who spoke in hands.

“I believe they mentioned they can do that,” said the Cat. “Is that why you want me to follow them?”

“ �|ҁ�w6 ?”

“Hardly,” said the Cat.

“e �|?”  said the man, a tease in his voice that the Cat could not quite figure out. “ st-font-�|ҟ�  ҏ� �|Ҏ RESETTING� w6 ?”

The Cat said nothing. He was right of course, and he did not want to admit it out loud.

““,” bri"," MERCY�|Ҍ� w6 ,” said the man. “eigh�|Ҏ �w6.  MERCY “,” reast-theme3|�v�w6 .”

Frisk was the first true visitor to Aunti Whispers’ cottage in a long time. Most visitors just got eaten.

“There’d be no point to eating you, of course,” said Aunti Whispers in a tone that was probably supposed to be jokingly. “You would always just come back. It’d be a waste of perfectly good spices.”

The tea was served by a young woman who was more dust than skin. It was made of golden flowers. Aunti Whispers ordered it especially for them. It was a rare plant in the Unknown, but Frisk recognized the bright colors and sharp fragrance of that in the Underground.  It felt familiar, and not just because of that. It smelled like the Mr. Dad Guy that the Other Toriel had created. It reminded them of the flowers that had broken their fall when they first fell down, and again in the Dump.

“Now go rearrange the bones of the past visitors,” Aunti Whispers said to the servant girl.

“I already have, Aunti Whispers,” the girl said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Then clean the floor. Our guests have tracked in quite a bit of mud.”

Frisk couldn’t help but feel a wash of shame as the servant girl’s shoulders slumped and she resumed to her chores. They cocked their head to the side, a quiet indication of confusion.

“It is best that Lorna keeps to her chores,” said Aunti Whispers. “Working will keep the beast within her at bay. Now then, child, what brings you to the Unknown?”

Frisk started to sign.

“I’m afraid I do not know the language of hands,” said Aunti Whispers. She did not say it cruelly, but it was still disappointing. Frisk fetched the paper pad and pen.

How did you know I could Save?

“You are not the first person to enter the Unknown and use the powers of your Soul.” said Aunti Whispers. “A few of them are downstairs now.”

I didn’t know I could do it, wrote down Frisk. They don’t write down the part where they found out they could do it.

Aunti Whispers hummed in thought. “Lorna! Fetch me a book from my bookshelf. Mysteries of the Soul, Volume One. Think it’s by some fellow named Faux.”

“Oh no…” Alphys said.

“OH YES!” Mettaton announced as he popped over the kitchen counter. “WELCOME BEAUTIES AND GENTLEBEAUTIES TO THE UNDERGROUND’S PREMIERE COOKING SHOW! COOKING WITH A KILLER ROBOT!!! PREHEAT YOUR OVENS, BECASE WE’VE GOT A VERY SPECIAL RECIPE FOR YOU!”

“A cake?” Greg asked.

“RIGHT YOU ARE, MY LOVELY ASSISTANT!!!” Mettaton said. “GO AHEAD AND GATHER THE INGREDIENTS. THEY’RE RIGHT ON THE COUNTER BEHIND YOU!!!”

“We’re not going to be a part of any cooking show,” said Wirt.

“It’s just a cake, Wirt,” said Greg. “And the audience is counting on us.”

“LET’S GIVE THEM A HAND FOR ENCOURAGEMENT!!! Mettaton said.

A confetti cannon exploded from behind the kitchen set, covering Wirt.  Greg clapped along before getting to work. He dropped off the eggs on the counter, dropped the sugar on the eggs, and the milk in the sugar.

“PERFECT!!! GREAT JOB BEAUTIFUL!!” Mettaton said. “NOW WE JUST NEED OUR SECRET INGREDIENT!!”

“Love?” Greg asked.

Mettaton held up a chainsaw.

“A HUMAN SOUL!!!”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Wirt said. “Don’t you have a substitution or something?”

“WHY WOULD I EVER NEED ONE WHEN THE REAL THING’S RIGHT HERE?” Mettaton asked.

“Well, what if someone’s….vegan?”

“VEGAN?”

“Well—”

“THAT’S A GREAT IDEA, SWEETHEART!!!” Mettaton said. “ACTUALLY, WE DO HAVE AN OPTION ON SET!! MTT BRAND COMVENIENT HUMAN SOUL SUBSTITUTE!!!”

Mettaton pointed off the kitchen set and out of the room. A wooden cabinet with a jar sat in the corner.

“That looks suspicious,” Wirt said.

“YOUR IDEA, BEAUTIFUL.” Mettaton said.

“I’ll get it! I’m a lovely assistant!” Greg said.

Greg ran off the set. The cameras followed him. No sooner did he lay a hand on the counter did it shoot up into the sky, taking Greg with him.

Wirt let out a series of panicked noises he could not quite form into words.

“OH DEAR. WHAT A TRAGEDY,” said Mettaton. “WELL, WE’RE ON A SCHEDULE, SWEETHEART. IF YOU CAN’T GET THEM BACK IN ONE MINUTE, WE’LL HAVE TO MOVE ONTO THE ORIGINAL PLAN!!!”

The phone rang.

“I know this looks bad,” said Alphys. “B-but I think I have an idea. S-see that button on your phone that says JET PACK?”

Wirt looked down at the phone.

“Press it,” said Alphys.

Wirt knew exactly where this was going.

“TIME’S RUNNING OUT, SWEETHEART!” Mettaton reminded.

Wirt swallowed, looked up to Greg so he wouldn’t have to look at the phone, and pressed the button.

He was a good twenty feet in the air before he could process his feet left the ground. He was not much higher when Mettaton began to throw things at him. The sense of vertigo faded as his attention shifted to dodging puffs of flour, eggs, and cups of sugar.

He had passed Greg by the time he was actually able to get his bearings. He looked just in time to see the jar that Greg had tossed it start to fall. Neither of them could catch it in time. It collided to the ground in a mess of glass and red goo.

“HUH,” said Mettaton. “HOW ABOUT WE GO TO A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS, AND WE’LL FINISH UP WITH THE CAKE WE MADE AHEAD OF TIME!”

Mettaton flew off closer to the real set. Wirt managed to catch himself and fly down as the dresser coiled back into himself.

“That was fun!” said Greg.

“That was terrifying!” said Wirt.

He pulled Greg closer to him, stopping him from going back to the set. Mettaton was talking to his cameramen, and wouldn’t see if they left.

“How about we leave before he notices we’re gone?” Wirt asked.

“But I wanted to try the cake,” said Greg.

It took Lorna a minute to find the book. It was old and musty, with binding falling apart at the seams and pages nearly yellow with age. It was big enough that it hit the table with a thud, regardless of how carefully Lorna put it down. Aunti Whispers turned the page carefully, leaning in as she read. Frisk tried their best to read over her head. They could only make out vague shapes; heats in different colors with pigment that faded over time, and carefully sketched triangle patterns.

“Souls hold a type of power,” read Aunti Whispers. “It holds their owner together and shapes their personality, no matter what they may go through in life. Bravery, Justice, Kindness, Patience, Perseverance, Integrity…the strongest of these, Determination. The power is rare, but its powers are innate. The ability to persist after death, or rewind time. To fix what went wrong, or what went right.”

I thought it was like a video game, wrote down Frisk. Every time I felt determined, it was like I was saving the game.

Aunti Whispers made a face of confusion. Frisk supposed she did not understand what a video game was.

“I will admit my knowledge of how Souls work is lacking,” she said. “That was not the kind of magic I work with. If you truly want to find the powers of your Soul, you should try to look within the Kingdom of Monsters.”

Frisk perked up.

That’s what I want to do! They wrote. Do you know how to get there?

“There is a way,” said Aunti Whispers. “But I do not know it. How did you end up in the Unknown in the first place?”

Another wash of shame overcame Frisk as they started writing. I reset.

Aunti Whispers studied them carefully, eyes cold with something Frisk could not read. “Were you here before?”

Frisk shook their head. They started to write things down, that they were in the Underground at first and then the Other World, but Aunti Whispers spoke again.

“The other ones that used Determination were much older than you, you realize. They were much more in control of what they could do. If you came about the power recently, you may not be well-equipped to use it. One small slip, and you may have traded places with someone.”

Frisk nodded.

I know I have, they sign. That’s why I want to go back. But not before I fix things.

Aunti Whispers did not understand.

Lorna did not fall asleep until well into the night, as her body finally collapsed from exhaustion. Frisk did not fall asleep until after that. Though Aunti Whispers had proven she had no ill will towards them, her house was not exactly comfortable sleeping in.

When they woke up, Lorna made them a small breakfast of things they couldn’t quite eat and more tea. Aunti Whispers only emerged to give Lorna more orders and give a final warning to Frisk.

“Beware my sister, Adelaide. She lives in the pasture. She must not be trusted.”

The Cat was waiting for them outside the house, curled up in a tree.

“I was wondering when you’d step out,” said the Cat. He sounded like he did not care. “I take it that little trick was how you ended up in the Other World, yes?”

Frisk nodded.

Didn’t mean to, they signed. You were in danger.

The Cat watches them carefully, as if looking for a sign they were lying. His sign reading was not too good, but he could ready body language.

“I don’t believe Beatrice will be joining us again,” said the Cat. “Do you know the cause of that?”

Frisk nodded. They didn’t want to say, and the Cat probably would not understand them anyway.

The two of them head off into the unknown.

Author’s Note: I am so sorry for the late update! I drank too much eggnog and lost track of time! Hopefully this should be the last of it, and the good news is I’ll post the next chapter tomorrow since it is rather short.