#charles xavier is a huge dick the movie

[ialreadyreadthatfanfic]

Charles Xavier Is A Huge Dick: The Movie

or,

X-Men: Dark Phoenix

Hey, if you haven’t seen the movie yet and don’t want to be spoiled, you probably should stop reading!

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I watched the new X-Men movie. Not only I’m that annoying cinema-goer that sits behind you and mocks the movie audibly during the seance, oh no, I’m also that annoying cinema-goer that comes back home and makes a bitchy tumblr post about the movie.

But, guys, that was so bad.

First off: I’m convinced that upon reading the script, James MacAvoy and Sophie Turner instantly lost the will to act, because we’ve all certainly seen far better performances from both of them.

My other theory is that the director simply told them not to bother, because this was, as far as I can tell, a deliberate franchise-killer.

The scene-by-scene description of the train-wreck under the cut for the curious.

PROLOGUE

We open the movie with the scene where young Jean Grey and her parents are in car crash, because Jean Cannot Control Her Powers. The kid survives; the parents aren’t so lucky. This scene is generally inoffensive, if predictable.

From now on, young Jean Grey behaves like a kid-shaped robot. Someone please write her better dialogue.

Charles Xavier arrives at the hospital, confirms her parents are dead, somewhat unenthusiastically delivers some well-worn platitudes and whisks her away to his school.

Hey, mutant powers are like pens. Especially the ones you can’t control, because sometimes pens go on a rampage and stab people in the eyes, you know, unintentionally.

(No, seriously, they went with that metaphor.)

TITLES - BACK TO THE FUTURE - or 1992, I guess, one cheer for 90s nostalgia

In effort to remind us humans that as a species we did some cool things on our way to ruining the planet, we watch the launch of a space shuttle.

Suddenly Houston, we have a problem. A sentient solar flare or something is attacking the brave astronauts! Oh no! Who’re we gonna call?!

Charles Xavier!

Like literally, the Mr. President of US of A calls Charles Xavier, like Chuck, are you watching the TV rn?, and Xavier’s like, already giddy with anticipation, Why yes, Mr. President, I see you are in a spot of trouble, and Mr. President’s like, Sooo, Chuck, I literally HATE TO ASK, BUT... and Xavier’s like, practically bouncing with glee, BUT OF COURSE, X-MEN TO THE RESCUE!!!

So Chuck sends off his chicks. Nominally, the team is under Mystique’s command. There also Hank, and baby-faced Storm, and even more baby-faced Kurt Wagner, oh yeah JEAN, she’s there too bc PLOT, and Scott was along too. Did I forget anyone?

I forgot someone, didnt I?

OH YEAH, the Quicksilver was there too. Considering how cool he was in earlier movie(s?), it’s kinda sad that he’s largely inconsequential here and I forgot about his existence about halfway through.

Charles calls Houston on the Cerebro like a huge showoff he is, and the X-Men proceed to rescue the astronauts from weird-looking space cloud (which is of course the Phoenix Force, or whatever comics call it). There’s some cool looking scenes here where X-Men use their powers, but they’re just window dressing for the main plot:

Charles Xavier is being a huge dick, backseat driving this mission through Cerebro and not trusting Mystique’s judgement.

BTW, Mystique might be the only character in the movie who behaves like a sensible person, which is why she’s not there for very long.

Anyway the scene goes like this:

Mystique: we saved ALL BUT ONE astronaut! Coming back for that one guy is super risky and probably will only lead to more deaths! I’m cutting my loses like sensible field leader!

Prof X: OH NO YOU WON’T get back for that one guy or the whole mission is a failure!!!

Mystique: WTF??!! That’s crazy, we will get killed!

Prof X: But it’s better to throw away our lives than have less than 100% record on rescue mission, because if we give humans even slightest pretext, they will instantly revert back to hating us, see? The President will stop taking my calls, people will want to arrest us for property damage, and neutralize our powers and stick us in prison for mutants.

Mystique: ...seriously, why am I on your side again?!

Prof X: Just have Kurt take Jean to the shuttle and she’ll hold it intact while he looks for the guy! Raven, I want to remind you I can bitch at you telepathically anytime, anywhere, for the rest of your life!

Mystique: DAMN YOU FINE

So they do it. Kurt manages to rescue the guy, but not Jean. The shuttle blows to bits around her. We are supposed to be sad for 2 seconds there, but then the Phoenix Flare swallows her, she survives, X-Men return to Earth with the astronauts and are showered with praise from adoring masses who stand there with cutesy sings to welcome them upon landing. Whatever.

Jean has a conversation with Scott where they mack on each other and she reassures him She’s Never Been Better, Really, I Feel Great After That Traumatic Experience, and Scott is like, IDK but okay?? I guess??

And Hank checks her out too, and her power is OVER NINE THOUSAAAAND, but Jean’s like, chill, I feel greeeeeat, so Hank’s like, the only problem with this situation is that I need to design a better power-meter!! Ha ha!

Meanwhile, back to plot A, where Charles Xavier continues to be a huge dick. Mystique calls him out about his control freak thing, Charles responds by being a sanctimonious asshole because it’s not like he ever learns or grows as a person in these movies, you know, and Mystique basically throws her arms up and storms out, which is a good representation for audience reaction at that point. Her parting shot is one of like two good lines in the whole movie:

Mystique: And anyway, as far as I can see, the women saved the day again! Maybe you should think about renaming us X-Women!

The movie will shortly repay her for that, don’t worry.

Some other things happen. Creepy aliens looking for Phoenix Booster covertly invade Earth. Mystique goes to Hank and says, hey so Charles is being a huge dick and a total control freak. I’m kinda fed up with him, maybe it’s time to move out and start living our own life? To which Hank is like, IDK Raven do even have a life outside X-Men, and I don’t want to move out of my lab, and Mystique is like, ugh okay I’ll stay.

Jean gets upset at the party and pushes some people over in midst of Phoenix breakdown, which makes everyone panic. Charles notices that her power is now OVER 9000 and he can’t just go and fuck around in her mind anymore, so the logical solution is to use Cerebro to do that anyway.

It turns out that Phoenix thing not only amplified Jean’s power, it also dissolved mental blocks Charles put in her mind to hide a terrible truth from her: her father survived the car crash. In fact, with her powers, she can find her father right now! Jean, in midst of her generic emotional crisis, blows out of the school to do exactly that, because she feels alone and misunderstood and betrayed, man.

It turns out he willingly gave her up and I guess hates her because she caused the accident by putting her mother to sleep while driving. Jean is pretty upset and about to smite the whole neighbourhood, when the X-Men arrive.

This is how X-Men discreetly take care of their business: They suit up in their official uniforms and take their official super-advanced jet and land it on the street, so everyone around will know what’s up. The only thing they were missing while confronting Jean was the transparent with the word INTERVENTION.

Jean freaks out, X-Men try to fight her, they all cause maximum collateral damage possible, there’s police, Mystique tries to talk Jean down, Jean semi-accidentally kills Mystique by pushing her over and impaling her on some wooden debris.

It’s all very badly written and feels utterly cheap and is a total waste of character. Frankly, the scene made me angry and not much else. But since the whole movie revolves on the fact that everyone is an idiot, Mystique didn’t go there anyway, I guess.

Anyway, it furthers three things:

Plot A, Charles is reaching new heights of being a huge dick wherein he goes to sprout platitudes at Hank, who predictably doesn’t want to listen to him and lashes out, to which Charles reacts very maturely by being OFFENDED, because Raven was HIS sister, OBVIOUSLY he’s the MOST injured party here! (No, seriously, he pretty much says that).

Plot B, Hank needs to be a bigger idiot, to which we will come back in a moment.

Plot C, Jean Grey is now Public Enemy Number One and all people are back to hating humans! The President literally stopped taking Xavier’s calls, people want to arrest X-Men for property damage, neutralize their powers and stick them in prison for mutants.

Oh, and aliens are tracking Jean to get the Phoenix Power or whatever.

Jeans next move is to go visit Erik Lehnsherr, who is living like a hobo in Genosha with a handful of like-minded mutants. She wants to ask him for life advice, I guess, because when Charles Xavier is being a huge dick and hiding your memories of your childhood trauma from you without your consent, Magneto is the only alternative.

Too bad she wants advice on Not Killing People With My Powers When I’m Kinda Upset With Them. It’s unsurprising that Erik Lehnsherr, who spend his whole life Deliberately Killing People With His Powers Because He Was Very Upset With Them, can’t really relate.

This upsets Jean further, and she demonstrates that by attacking US soldiers who came to Genosha to arrest them and doing her best to kill them. Then she flies off to drink in a bar, where an alien picks her up, because it wants to show her the whole wide world or something.

Let’s come back to plot B for a moment, which is Hank being an idiot. Hank is very distraught and wants to kill Jean. So Hank goes to Magneto.

Hank: I want to kill Jean and I need your help with that.

Erik: Wait, what? Why?

Hank: She killed Mystique!

Erik, already frothing at the mouth: ...let me grab my I’m Being A Huge Idiot Helmet, Hank, and we can commence the business of killing.

So the aliens are pitching their “Let’s Re-Create The Earth In Your Image” campaign to Jean, which can be done only in a New York townhouse, specifically in a very special bedroom (...oh hey, I didn’t pick up on that creepy vibe until now!).

Jean is largely convinced, because in this movie characters just go back and forth as the plot demans.

So both Charles and Erik with their lackeys track down Jean, and have a huge fight in front of the above-mentioned townhouse, with lots and lots of collateral damage while they debate who is right. Before that, Erik has the second good line in the movie, which is used to rightfully call out Charles:

Erik: You’re always sorry and there’s always a speech. But no one wants to listen anymore.

Anyway, X-Men and the mutants beat up each other, Erik gets into the house and fails to kill Jean, then Charles gets in the house and tries to talk down Jean, which is followed by perhaps the most genuinely disquieting scene in the movie, in which Jean uses her telekinesis to destroy the wheelchair and force Charles to walk up the stairs.

They have an exchange that is supposed to be hopeful and heartwarming and so on, but by this point I’m fed up with this world movie.

Jean rejects the aliens��� campaign, so the alien head honcho attempts to suck out the Phoenix Dust out of her, and partially succeeds, but is interrupted midway and knocked out. All the mutants are arrested, put into special shackles restricting their powers and put on a train which is going straight to special prison for mutants.

Don’t worry, we’re in the last stretch.

Aliens need the rest of Phoenix Macguffin, so they ambush the train. There’s a big action scene, everyone is fighting the aliens, there are a few cool shots but beyond that I’m blanking. In the end Jean awakens, wipes the floor with the aliens, and when the alien head honcho tries to emotionally blackmail her into not eviscerating its hide, she grabs it, flies up into the sky and explodes them both.

Much sad. Very sacrifice. Such tears etc etc etc.

AN EPILOGUE, FINALLY

The situation returns to the status quo, except some people are dead.

The humans were about to lock up mutants in a prison like five minutes earlier, but nobody mentions that. Guess everyone forgot about that.

As far as I can tell, nobody except X-Men noticed that Earth was about to be invaded by aliens.

The school is renamed after Jean Grey.

Hank is the new headmaster. On his desk, a cheesy nostalgic photo of Mystique.

Charles, despite seemingly getting a pass on his dickishness on every turn in this narrative, is Worn Down By His Losses and retires. He occupies his time by brooding morosely at a cafe in unspecified European-looking country.

Erik finds him there. He is disproportionately cheery, like a man who after decades of pining finally is in a place where he can bully his longtime crush into a reluctant chess date, which he proceeds to do.

Camera pans up, to the sky. The sky gives us Phoenix Force-shaped wink.

THE END

[words-writ-in-starlight]

I know you're a big x-men fan (possibly an understatement?), so do you mind me asking if you have any thoughts on the upcoming Jean Grey movie? I don't know enough about her in the comics to really know what to expect (though I do very much like Sophie Turner)

So, with the caveat that I actually did not know this movie was being made until you sent this ask and I cannot find even a teaser trailer for it (I strongly suspected that this was bullshit for a second, until I found some articles), here are Some Thoughts.

First off, Apocalypse was actually my favorite X-Men movie in a very long time--I liked First Class, and the very first Singer X-Men has some nostalgia value, but Apocalypse actually felt like a damn team movie, which was a thrilling change of pace.  That being said, every time they announce a new X-Men movie I live a few hours in existential despair about adaptations of my all-time favorite comics characters, and I usually set aside a few hours to have a crisis before I actually go see the thing, and a few more to watch X-Men Evolution afterward.  I was actually so frustrated I cried when they announced Logan.  I still went to see it!  I did!  But I spent a couple days fuming about how much damage the movies have done to my love for Wolverine, first.

That being said.

Things I am Tentatively Excited About

Clearly they have already figured out that Dark Phoenix needs to be the Whole Entire Plot.  None of this “Also let’s talk about the Cure” nonsense.  Don’t half-ass two huge plotlines, whole ass one huge plotline.

Apparently they’re taking extra time in post to do the effects, so hopefully it’ll be VISUALLY dazzling, regardless.

I LOVED Sophie Turner as Jean Grey in Apocalypse and I’m so, so glad they’re going to keep her going as the Star Of The Show.  She did a great balance of ‘I’m going to do what needs to be done because I’m the one who can do it’ and ‘oh BOY am I ever screamingly terrified of my powers’, which is really what I like to see in any character at all, but especially Jean Grey.  There’s a fine line to walk between ‘character with legitimate fears about what embracing their powers could turn them into’ and ‘Girl who is Afraid Of Herself and needs to be Encouraged’, and I think Ms Turner did an amazing job walking that line.

Speaking of being afraid of one’s powers, I actually also loved Scott in Apocalypse, he had a real personality and that’s depressingly rare in Scott Summers.  Please don’t be mean to him, he’s a great character, just because he’s not a delinquent doesn’t mean he’s this featureless Fun Ruiner.  I thought his dynamic with Jean had a lot of promise and I’m hopeful that they get some mileage out of that.

I think Hugh Jackman has gone into witness protection from the X-Men franchise, so probably no Logan/Jean/Scott love triangle, which--thank you God and also Jesus, I’m Over that love triangle and I have been since I was eight.

I don’t know if they’re planning to have Storm, Kurt, or Jubilee in the movie, but I also loved all of them and would really be thrilled to see them.  I have higher hopes about Storm than the others.

All I want out of this is a good Scott/Jean dynamic, everything else is second fiddle and lower.  Please, after all these fucking X-Men movies, give me a good Scott/Jean dynamic.

Things I am Already Dreading

Hoo boy, folks, as you may have deduced from my above comment about Jean Grey, the plot of “I’m afraid of my powers” can get into some distasteful areas preeeeeeeetty quick.  If they’re determined to go the route of ‘Jean has these abilities within her purview unassisted, but she’s unable to control them’ they’re going to be getting into territory that could go phenomenally well or astoundingly badly.

As mentioned above, if this is straight up and down issue of Jean having these powers as a natural part of her skill set, that’s fine, but please God if you’re doing that and you still want to delve into the fact that, hey, yeah, Jean Grey has some real issues, just don’t be a dick about it.  I’m not even asking for a sensitive take on PTSD and the idea of being traumatized by your own brain in the most literal sense, I’m just asking for not being an ass.

I just want a movie with some fucking aliens.  They don’t seem to have any fucking aliens.  The Phoenix Force is a fucking alien space thing.  Give me some fucking space shit, it has been so many movies and yet I have no space shit.

If this is a movie about how Charles Xavier is a bad person and/or an idiot, I’m going to have a stroke.  Listen.  He allowed a child to live her fucking life by closing off powers she was wildly unprepared to handle, and helped her adjust bit by bit.  That doesn’t make him a fucking monster and I am deeply over the take that Xavier is a hypocrite, a fool, and somehow the bad guy.  Just because Magneto’s philosophy isn’t strictly speaking wrong does not make Magneto right, and it does not make Xavier stupid for trying for a better outcome.  Believing that life is valuable is never the wrong call--which, incidentally, is a philosophy I learned from the fucking X-Men.

Things About Which I am Undecided

They’re planning to have Magneto in it which...look, y’all, I love Ian McKellan with a love that is true and pure, but having Mags in Last Stand was a questionable decision at best, tied into the frankly Bad decision to do the Cure plot as well as Dark Phoenix.  I enjoy Fassbender’s Magneto and like his dynamic with Xavier very much, and would normally be pleased to see them be Tense at each other some more.  However.  Last Stand has made me permanently skeptical of having Magneto in a Dark Phoenix narrative.

Like I said, they don’t have the Shi’ar or any space shit at all, as far as I can tell, which.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I’ll be curious to see how they do the plot without that component, because, again, Last Stand went poorly.

The cast, particularly Sophie Turner, say that this film is “more emotionally-laden and grounded” and oh my God guys, that could go so well or it could be a train wreck.  You know what else was supposed to be emotionally laden?  Civil War.  I think we are all learning about my opinions on that subject.

It’s gonna have Mystique in it, which--listen.  I understand that she’s a good obvious parallel to Xavier, in that her powers are physically obvious and his are not, et cetera et cetera, but I never reeeeeeally cared that much about Mystique prior to First Class and I can’t say that Days of Future Past (FUCK DoFP) or Apocalypse really kept up my interest.  So.  Like.  I care a lot more about any of the other options for a focus character.  

I want some good Xavier and Magneto interactions, if Magneto’s going to be there anyway.  I do NOT want this to be another movie about Xavier and Magneto’s relationship delicately supported by another character undergoing a much more interesting plot.

Things You Can Expect Regardless of Actual Film Quality

I’m gonna write some posts.  It’s inevitable.  They will either be rhapsodies about my love for the film or wrathful breakdowns of all my complaints.

I’ll probably write some fic.  I’m still really happy with limitations of wax, which takes place after Apocalypse, and I have that long-ass post-canon Evo-verse fic in the works still (pushing 60 pages).  I like talking about the X-Men.

If Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin are in this movie for 0.0001 seconds, I regret to inform you that you will all be hearing A Great Deal about them.  

I will continue to be Not Interested in Charles Xavier/Erik Lensherr.

So, uh...those are my thoughts.  

I love the Dark Phoenix arc, I think I should say that as a closer.  On a wider level, wildly overpowered characters are really interesting to me, largely because everyone’s terrified of writing them and therefore most versions feel very unique.  On a more specific level, I think the comic concept of the Phoenix Force becoming addicted to life, addicted to the experience of being alive, and shattering star systems just to see what the sparks of the planets taste like as they fade out--I think that’s a gorgeous story.  A tragedy, to be sure, the Trojan War against one woman, with casualties spent as carelessly as sand, but a gorgeous tragedy.  If they do a good job with Jean, I’m sure I’ll be just as game for it.

Y’all I’m gonna write a fic after this movie called “terahelen (serious inroads on the welfare of the galaxy)” and it’s going to be the most upsetting tragic shit about Scott and Jean that I can possibly pump out.

[banjodanger]

Dark Phoenix(2019)-Neither a Bang Nor a Whimper.

I grew up a huge music fan, and one thing I heard about time and again was the contract album. That album that was farted out by a band in order to fulfill a contractaul obligation and get them to another, hopefully less parasitic contract. “Cocksucker Blues,” by the Rolling Stones is one of the more famous examples. Van Morrison turned in thirty songs of unlistenable garbage to get out of a contract. It’s a shame that he’s continued to release unlistenable garbage on a new contract, but sometimes that’s how it goes. Dark Phoenix is not unlistenable garbage but it definitely stinks of contractual obligation. And that’s too bad, because this movie takes some risks that a lot of people had been looking for.

This is the only movie that involves weird alien space stuff, and weird alien space stuff has been a cornerstone of the X-Men since the beginning. Like, the X-men are on some next level tinder because half the dating pool for that team involves planets no one has heard of. And I would have rather watched a movie involving the weird dick pics that come through an interstellar Tinder(Sequel? Call me, Nolan.) This movie very directly and rapidly introduces not just the D’Bari, but other alien races and a whole ass magical space-bird. As if that wasn’t ballsy enough, they proceed further to...oh, excuse me. I’m being informed that the movie does shockingly little with any of it.

It’s not just that, it’s that the movie telegraphs a lot of the “big surprises.” The trailer promised a funeral, and it’s not that hard to guess who’s going to die, considering Mystique looks like she had her makeup applied as a Snapchat filter. Maybe I should just be thankful she didn’t get a fifth “Can she be trusted” plotline. Xavier’s arrogance gets called out, and in a better way than in X3(shudder), but it’s not much of a punishment to kick him out in the last movie. It’s the “thoughts and prayers”of the cinematic X-Men. It’s an easy thing to do if there’s not going to be a follow up.

Genosha gets introduced for only one scene and-you know, I’m being harsh on this. I’m going very negative, when this movie actually does something big very well. A lot of things this franchise started with First Class come to fruition. Charles Xavier’s arrogance isn’t hinted at, it’s put on pretty full display. Hank even gets a big yelling scene. Sometimes subtlety isn’t the way to go. Magneto has sequestered himself completely from humanity, just like he’s been trying to since Fassbender took on the role. It makes sense that his next step is to claim a small island and shut himself off. Hell, watch the Genosha portion of the movie and tell me he’s playing cards with any of those extras. His living space looks like his hobby is appearing on FBI watchlists. But the point is it fulfills a character arc. If you listen to the commentary, Kinberg seems well aware of all this. He mentions several times that he wasn’t trying to make The Godfather, he just wanted to put something out that fans would enjoy. And as easy as the jokes would be, I genuinely believe he tried.

But trying doesn’t equal success. This was his first time directing a movie and it shows. A lot gets introduced from the comics but Kinberg hardly innovates anything here. Let’s take the final action setpiece, the big train fight. Not to say the train has been lacking as an action setpiece in films before, but this isn’t even the first train fight in X-Men. If this movie added something new or offered a different take on the idea, I could see it. But it’s just another train fight. People jump on the train, rip it apart, and eventually it crashes. And I don’t accept the argument that the guards being called MCU is a coincidence.

Dark Phoenix isn’t a bad movie, it just offers nothing new to say. It’s meant to be a goodbye letter to the series as a whole, but the movie is too spotty, too unevenly paced to serve as such. But at least it’s better than the Last Stand.

[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2000)

Alright here’s the first list! Since X-Men was the only comic-to-movie theatrical release in 2000, this list will only consist of the film’s main characters.

*Spoilers for X-Men ahead*

Cameo Appreciation: Stan Lee

Honestly, I couldn’t spot Stan when I rewatched the movie (to be fair I think I was responding to a text while this was happening) so I actually had to look it up to find out that he was just an innocent man selling hot dogs when a very nude Senator Kelly washed up on the beach he was at. It probably wasn’t anything he hasn’t seen before, seeing as he sells pinkish wieners for a living.

Cameo Appreciation: Jubilee, Kitty Pryde, and Pyro

Having Senator Kelly bring up Kitty’s ability to walk through walls during the Congress meeting was cool, having her demonstrate said powers later when Logan shows up to Xavier’s school was even better. We also get a glimpse of Pyro playing with fire and Jubilee taking notes in her signature jacket while Rogue tries to fit in to her new school life. Now that we got the cameos out of the way, let’s move on to the actual list!

12. Bobby Drake/Iceman

“Welcome to Mutant High!”

The only reason Bobby isn’t being considered a cameo like the other students is because he actually has more than two lines in the movie (he might just have three, but still.). He’s basically there to help Rogue feel like she’s normal by being hella smooth, using his ice abilities to leave her a small flower as a gift. It’s obvious that he’s interested in our girl and at the end of the film it looks like Rogue is starting to feel the same.

11. Senator Robert Kelly

“Are they dangerous?”

In short, yes, mutants can be dangerous, but like Jean said, a drunk driver behind the wheel can be dangerous. Senator Kelly represents one of the biggest issues the X-Men face in the comics: the fear and ignorance of mankind. He’s the force behind the mutant registration act, which causes his own downfall when he catches the attention of Magneto. The film’s villain has his Brotherhood of Mutants kidnap Senator Kelly to test out his latest weapon which caused Kelly to become the thing he hates most: a mutant. Luckily for him (or unluckily, depending how you look at it) the effects of the machine don’t last. After he escapes, he ends up having one final moment with Storm before completely grossing her out by exploding into a watery glob.

10. Sabretooth

“You owe me a scream.”

Sabretooth was all brute strength and nothing else. He seemed to be Magneto’s bodyguard/pet with a bad attitude and a weird obsession with certain white haired females. His power was on par with Wolverine’s, dishing out some heavy punches throughout the film. It seemed, though, that every fight he was in ended with him being blasted off, either by Storm’s lightning bolts or by Cyclops’s powerful energy blasts.

9. Toad

“Don’t you people ever die?!”

Like some of you, I grew up watching X-Men Evolution as a kid where it was universally known that Toad was lame. Like, super lame. Rewatching the X-Men movie, I noticed it was a different story. Instead of being the one that got laughed at, Toad did the laughing. Not only did he openly mock Jean Grey and the X-Men, but even Magneto’s muscle, Sabretooth. But this was probably because he could be a bit of a threat himself, unlike his high school cartoon version. At one point Toad manages to take on Jean, Storm, and Cyclops with a surprise attack but couldn’t jump away fast enough to avoid being zapped by one of Storm’s lightning bolts. Finding out exactly what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning.

8. Scott Summers/Cyclops

“Stay away from my girlfriend.”

Poor Scott. Really. It seemed right off the back Logan just did not like him, even before he found out he was dating the woman of his affections, Jean. Watching the film I couldn’t help but feel bad for the guy. He got manhandled by the Wolverine a few times before getting his bike stolen and is constantly being thrown insults. On top of that,during the confrontations at the train station and at the statue of liberty he was knocked out of the fight pretty early on. Still, he was able to redeem himself by using his powers to blast off Sabretooth and save Logan by hitting Magneto. He might be slightly annoying, but you gotta give him props for taking the highroad on that one. My petty ass would’ve let Magneto turn Wolverine into an adamantium can, but that’s why I’m not a superhero.

7. Ororo Munroe/Storm

“At least I’ve picked a side.”

Storm, like Scott and Jean, is a former student turned teacher at Xavier’s school for mutants. In fact, she’s the only one seen teaching the new generation in the movie. Her powerful weather abilities allowed her to take out every opponent tossed her way, even if I feel like she needs to touch up on her combat skills. I was pretty bummed that she couldn’t fly apparently, because we can’t have our superheroes use all of their powers conveniently it seems, but overall Storm was a much needed addition to the film.

6. Jean Grey

“I’m nowhere near as powerful. But [Professor X] is teaching me, himself."

Despite her modesty, I feel like Jean has the best control of her powers out of her, Scott, and Ororo. She proved herself strong enough to access Cerebro when Charles was out for the count, even if she felt weak afterwards. She also seems to have the least limitations with her powers, with Storm being useless indoors and Cyclops needing his visor. She puts her big brain to use by being the school's resident doctor/medical examiner as well as being a spokesperson for the repeal of the mutant registration act. It's seems pretty clear why Xavier gave her the most responsibilities, it's because she can handle them.

5. Anna Marie/Rogue

"The first guy I kissed was put in a coma for three weeks."

*Prince Zuko voice* That’s rough, buddy. X-Men laid out the origins for Rogue. We figured out when she first got her powers, how she met Logan followed by the X-Men, we also see how she gets her signature white streaked hair. She kinda serves as the damsel in distress but only because her powers are so dangerous, which is proven when Magneto has her nearly wipe out the world's most important human leaders in one try. Her one on one moments with Logan were highlights of the film and it starts the recurring theme of Logan having a weakness for abandoned little girls needing a father figure.

4. Charles Xavier/Professor X

"Don't give up on them, Eric."

The mentor of all mentors. Charles Xavier is considered the most powerful mutant on the planet and has opened up a sanctuary disguised as a school for all mutant youth to come. We don't see the full extent of his power mainly because he still believes mutants and humans can coexist and won't do anything to jeopardize that. Despite being taken out of the equation before the final battle at the statue of liberty, Xavier proves throughout the film that hope is a powerful thing, even more powerful than himself. Plus, it was pretty badass the way he shut down Magneto's threat at the end of the film.

3. Mystique

"People like you were the reason why I was afraid to go to school!"

Mystique, along with choices 1 and 2, is a badass. Not only can she serve an ass kicking, but she's clever as hell which is why I wouldn't even consider her as one of Magneto's henchmen but more of a second-in-command. She truly believes what Magneto stands for and would probably stand for it herself if he were to never have existed. Her abilities to shape shift make her the perfect spy, infiltrating the government and Professor X's school to help accomplish Magneto's goals. During the final battle against the X-Men, Mystique goes toe to toe with Wolverine and nearly wins but bites off more than she can chew when she tries to fool him into thinking she's Storm. Wolverine catches on and impales her with his claws, knocking her down but not out. She's the only one in the Brotherhood that manages to slip away and is acknowledged by Charles to be someone the team needs to look out for in the future.

2. Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto

"A war is still coming, Charles, and I intend to fight it. By any means necessary."

One of the greatest foes the X-Men have ever faced, Magneto is a mutant proud of his abilities with a strong hatred for humans. He has every right to hate them, he lost his family in concentration camps during World War II and the Holocaust and was tortured for being a mutant. With the ability to control metal, Magneto becomes a huge threat in the modern world. The only one capable enough to stop him is Charles Xavier himself, but doing so would mean killing his former best friend, which is just something our professor just can't do. He kidnaps Rogue in attempt to use her powers to transform humans into mutants (with the high possibility of said humans dying from the effects) but fails once the X-Men come to save the day. He's locked away in a plastic prison but everyone knows that it won't be long before he's free again, ready to exact revenge on the human race.

1. Logan/Wolverine

"You're a dick."

It's a no brainer that Wolverine is making the top of this list, he's the only character that's fleshed out in my opinion. We see his wild side in numerous fights, his adult side when he meets Jean, and his soft side when he becomes a sort of father figure to young Rogue. He's the main hero of the story, even if he doesn't want to be. He sticks around to learn about his forgotten past from Xavier but stays when he gets more attached to Rogue. He saves her life at the statue of liberty, touching her so she can absorb his rapid healing abilities before taking off to learn about his past. Watching him using his signature claws for the first time was everything I needed and more.  He's comedic, he's untamed, and he's the beginning of a legacy that follows through every single future X-Men movie to come.

Let me know what y'all think about the first list, especially if you think someone else should have been on top. Until next time!