#chatzy 10

[honeysmokedham]

TIMING: 5/6 LOCATION: Somewhere someplace away from Wicked's Rest at the side of the road PARTIES: Jade & Nora SUMMARY: Jade parks by a rock on the side of the road, it's Nora. WARNINGS: suicidal ideation tw

On the first day, she cleared the town. Out of the crypt, through the woods, and on. The shadow followed her. Out of sight. Out of hearing range. It loomed. 

On the second day came the thirst. She stopped at a lake and got lost for hours. The rippling water, the smell of crushed grass with a running creek. She was back in Ireland. Declan was in the water, hand outstretched for her to grab. Come in, his smile told her. Come in, in the shadow laughed, drown. 

On the third day, she saw a couple taking photos together. For a moment an illusion flickered at the tips of her fingers, ready to destroy their moment, but the will to try drained instantly. Nora moved on. 

On the fourth day, her stomach began to hunger unbearably. She bore it. 

On the fifth day, her legs began to shake. She hadn’t stopped to sleep for fear the shadow would spend the night whispering in her ear. She tried not to stop to drink because then the shadow would tell her to drown. She refused to stop to rest because resting was reserved for people. She was a murderous monster. She didn’t get to rest. 

On the sixth day, nothing happened. The shadow screamed over the wind. She stopped looking back to see if it had Declan’s face. On the seventh day, her legs gave out. They crumpled midstep. The shadow laughed. It crawled towards her. It mocked that she would have nowhere to go. Nora began to crawl.

On the seventh day, her arms gave up. She had crawled until the cloth around her knees, elbows, and stomach had been torn away from the sliding movement. Cuts filled with small rocks lined her fingers. Mud covered her head to toe. The shadow cheered. 

For hours she lay at the side of the road. The sun baked the mud into her. The shadow waited eagerly. Cars sped by, tires speeding through puddles. Each spray of water brought Nora back to Ireland. To the waterfall. To Declan. She closed her eyes, imagined his smile. Imagined she was there. By the time a figure stood over her, casting a shadow between her and the sun, Nora had been imagining Declan so hard she thought he’d be there. Her eyes opened. Her body strained to move her face out of the mud and get a glimpse up. Long black hair. Brown eyes. But not her brown eyes. Not the eyes that had once held everything and now nothing. Nora let her face fall back into the mud.

This is where she was supposed to say go away. This is where she wanted to say leave me be. This is where she might have managed a ‘are you my shadow?’ but the only words that made it out of her cracked lips were “It should have been me.” Her mantra. Her daily affirmations. The only feasible thought going through her head. 

—

She did not hunt out of town that often. Unless someone posted something at the Three Daggers about incidents in the outskirts, Jade much preferred the comfort of headstones and dark alleys over woodsy areas, thank you very much. But she wasn’t gonna pretend like there wasn’t something nice about taking off, something freeing about letting the wind hit her face, getting lost (hopefully not in the literal sense), while she rode farther distances. It reminded her of being young and cruising the country with one unique purpose, one mission, no distractions. 

Distractions were plenty once she made it to Wicked’s Rest. Distractions were good here, so good she found herself slipping, falling in love with one. And then said distraction left to go back to her cult, then came back a month later, Jade’s emotions yo-yo-ing all over the place, doing all those fancy loopy tricks. And with said emotions came the need to let them out. Talking had been nice (in the painful kinda way, but nice), crying had done her good. But riding? Yup, riding was exactly the type of thing she needed right now. Some would dare say she was running from her conscience, but some knew nothing at all. 

Jade stopped the motorcycle when she spotted a giant rock on the side of the road, deciding to park right next to it. Cause then she’d remember to come back here, where the rock was, for her bike. (She’d lost Roxie once, she’d learned her lesson). She climbed out and walked to her delivery box, where she kept the weapons needed for the evening. Her stakes, her crossbow, some knives. The classics. Cause she really needed to get back into the groove of—

GEEZ! Jade jumped, her heart leaping to her throat when the rock moved beneath her (?), lifted its head to look at her with sad brown eyes, spoke (?), and then slapped back onto the ground. What… Oh. Common sense kicked in. Cause, it was so much easier to think with no distractions. This was no rock, it was a woman, lying on the side of the road for… whatever reason. Which… First of all, relatable. Maybe she should’ve tried that during her ‘Regan is in Ireland’ era’. Second of all, her face was gonna look incredible with this improvised mud bath. Third of all, and probably like, the only relevant thing… how did a girl end up on the side of the road, covered in mud doing her best Peeta Mellark impression? It should’ve been me. Jade blinked at her in disbelief, cause, “Um… I’m pretty sure it was you. Girl, what happened?” Jade forgot about her weapons, or her hunt, crouching to examine the not-rock closer.  Her gaze shifted around, to the cars passing by, no other soul but them on this side of the road. What was going on? This had all the elements of a sidequest, except… “Are you…hiding out here?” 

—

The television was on. Nora was lying face down in the mud so she couldn’t see, but she would know the bad acting of an ABC family series anywhere. A brunette with bright shining eyes stood over the runaway teenager. Both actresses were in their twenties because you couldn’t hire a real sixteen-year-old for a television series. They were too lanky and dumb looking. A laugh track played as the brunette spoke in a bright, bubbly voice. Girl, what happened? Each syllable contained a miniature comedy that Nora missed the joke too. The laugh track cackled. The runaway’s lines should be next, a polar opposite to really drive home to the audience that these characters were so different. The television crackled with static. No, that was just the ringing in her ears. The mixture of starvation, dehydration, and too much sun was messing with her. Leaving her disoriented and confused. The laugh track played again, the shadow controlled the soundboard.

“It was me.” Nora agreed. What happened? That was a loaded question. How did she answer that? It all started when I went to Ireland. No, that wasn’t the start. It all started when I went to track down a screaming moose. No. Why stop there? It all started when I was adopted by two humans who didn’t know a thing about bugbears. Record scratch. This was me as a baby. Two months old and probably abandoned by a bear in the woods. If a baby cries in the forest and no one hears, is there even a baby abandoned? In come, Gregory and Damien, two gays who always got too far in over their heads. Aw geez, what conundrum will they get up to today?! The laugh track played again. Nora realized she hadn’t said anything out loud. 

“I’m not doing a good job. You found me. You get five million dollars. Yay.” Nora rocked herself to the side, so she could look at who she was talking to. It was an awkward motion, a fish flopping on dry land until it couldn’t move anymore. Her hands clutched at the quadruple-wrapped plastic bag full of ashes, immaculately kept throughout her whole travel, checked continually to ensure no leak would go unnoticed. “You’re cargo pants.” Without mud obscuring her vision, Nora found she recognized the face looking down at her. They’d had, what, two conversations? “Regan sent you peach emojis. I told her too.” 

—

It was her, yup. Jade didn’t have to be a genius (but like, she was one, for the record) to realize something horrible had happened. But she did not understand. Which was weird cause… she usually got scripts in advance to work on the tone of her delivery and jot down places where she could improvise a zinger. This? She did not get. But she was good at improv too. She could work with this. It kept her on her toes. “You’re doing a great job, babe. But um, yup… maybe looking up when someone comes wasn’t the best decision if you were cosplaying a rock,” there was no shame in that though, cause being curious about noises was like, part of being human anyway. 

The way the girl continued to talk had Jade feeling like she’d jumped into the middle of the episode. But at least she was like, lying on her side now, she could see two eyes and a crack moving. (Did Cass know they were giving out millions of dollars for finding girls who could rock? She had a business idea to propose when she got back to town). She stayed in a crouching position, blinking slowly at the girl. Sometimes Jade found things. People. That was super true. She kinda prided herself on that. Cause she was nosy and persistent and annoying which were like, all the best traits to get the job done. She’d found a woman who did not think of herself a person despite having the wettest heart known to man, and a girl who wore anxiety like a uniform, in need of an older role model. She’d found a girl battling an evil Spanish bird, but who really just needed to be reminded that she was still hot. Or a guy so hardened by grief and loss that just needed someone to stick around and help him dispose of worms. She’d found a guy who was a hero undercover but all he needed was a little encouragement to believe in his bravery. Or, how she’d found the elder vampire keeping somebody a prisoner for over a century, helping to break those chains. Sometimes she found things, yup. So she was meant to find this girl somehow. But why?

She took off her jacket, the cold hitting a little cause… she was wearing one of those shirts she cut the sleeves off when Regan was in Ireland. But that didn’t matter, her arms looked great. Jade used the thinnest part of the sleeve to wipe some of the girl’s mud off her face. Some bits peeled off super fast cause of how dry they were. She couldn’t help but notice the girl carrying a suspicious-looking powder in her hands. But she was pretty sure those types of jokes were in the past, like for old sitcoms with laugh tracks. (She was gonna ask though, cause again… nosy). And oh, this girl knew Regan. But Jade did not remember her. Not cause she had a bad memory or anything, just cause the amount of people who had to hear her talk about Regan reached alarming levels, especially during the Ireland saga. The clue was in the khakis, for sure. But when did she talk about khakis… khakis, cargo pants? There was something there… “I’m Jade,” she corrected, but at the mention of peach emojis, a dopey smile bloomed on her face. “She hasn’t stopped sending them since.” She was positive Regan had “bought” another “subscription” just to send them.   

She rose to her feet (if her knees cracked, mind your business), and opened the delivery box, pulling out a water bottle. Jade left it on the ground, in front of the girl, in case she wanted it, then laid her jacket beside Rockgirl, to sit on it. She glanced down, at the pair of anguished eyes, her eyebrows pinching in concern. “Alright, who are we hating on? You’ll be surprised by how much I can despise people I don’t know.”

—

An illusion flickered around Nora. It was supposed to be a rock, like a regular rock, the kind of rock that sat on her shoulders and held her pressed to the mud. Instead, it came out as Dwayne Johnson in cargo shorts. His figure engulfed Nora for a brief moment before the power slipped past her. There was too much hunger and not enough fear to feast on. The spark of interest Nora normally greeted a stranger with, to taste their fear and see their reaction was no longer there. Just a month and a week ago this meeting would have been different. Her time in the mud would have been more akin to a wobbegong camouflaged and waiting for a meal. Her illusions would have been beautiful. “Next time,” Nora managed. She hadn’t meant to lie. There was no real reason to put empty words into the universe, but the effort to say ‘There will be no next, I’ll rot here. I can’t keep going.’ was too much and too pointless, just like her hunts. 

Jade moved closer. A hand reached towards her. Nora tensed, closing in around the bag, assuming the universe was going to take Declan away from her again. That wasn’t what happened. Nora shouldn’t be surprised by kindness. It was everywhere. It existed in the world, but she’d crawled off like a kicked puppy and refused to see it. She ran from kindness as if it would skin her alive, and leave her flayed body for all to see. It was rude of her, to trick one more person into being kind to her. But she didn’t move away as Jade used her jacket to wipe away the mud. She didn’t warn Jade that feral animals shouldn’t be handled. 

“Jade. Scared of cargo pants” The words filed from her memory. Why did Nora only remember what people were scared of? Hadn’t there been more to the conversation? Weren’t people made up of more than their fears? “But when you wear them, it’s fashion.” Besides, who was actually scared of cargo pants? They were just pants. Nora ripped the mental index card in half. Hadn’t they been talking about Regan? Back when Nora was trying to keep Regan from leaving? The cargo pants were probably just a deflection, but she’d snapped up the information, clinging to any fear of those around her. 

Bits of the conversation were coming back to Nora. If Jade had been a better kisser, Regan would have stayed. If Regan stayed, Declan would be alive. Those were selfish and despicable thoughts. She hated them for crossing her mind. She hated that she was grasping at straws to place the blame on anyone else, including Jade who found her at the side of the road and wiped her face and offered nothing but kindness and water. I killed Declan she reminded herself. She clung to the words, branding them to her soul. Don’t forget. Don’t blame someone else. 

Still, when Jade smiled over the mention of Regan’s peach emojis, it physically hurt. Nora turned away, eyes glued to her plastic bag. “They stopped in Ireland.” The word slipped past before she could stop herself from picking at someone else’s happiness. It just wasn’t fair. She wanted to send peach emojis to Declan. She wanted to explain to him the double meaning of emojis while teaching him how to use a cellphone. She wanted that moment of laughter when they talked about how dumb it all was. The inside jokes that would spawn from the moment. The waterfalls they would send each other, and would mean I love you. But he was dead. And Regan was back in America sending peach emojis. To who? Who was Jade? Regan hadn’t mentioned her once the whole time they were there. “The only girl Regan talked about in Ireland was Duty, and Duty is a bitch.” 

Nora was aware that she was being unkind. She was a feral cat stuck in a trap hissing at the person trying to help her, but she couldn’t stop. She wanted to stop, she really did. But the pain inside her was too much and it demanded to be felt by everyone. Which really sucked because Jade was being nice. Jade was sitting in the mud next to her and still offering a kindness she didn’t deserve. Who are we hating on. Not, who are you. We. Not alone. Together. That hurt too. There were many names she could have said. Niamh. Cliodna. Ireland. “Hamst-” Nora choked on the name. It was a deflection. “Nora.”

—

Upon closer inspection, Jade realized what filled the bag looked very similar to ashes. Nope, they were literal ashes. So, the plot thickened. Something told her that prop would become relevant later in the scene. So she didn’t push, she barely acknowledged it. Instead, her face brightened at the recognition. “Yup! That’s me. I’m like, doing so much better when it comes to cargo pants. I even bought some recently,” and it felt so nice, not to fear anything else at all. Jade was pretty much invincible like that.  

But the smile faltered when Ireland was brought up, and the wheels started turning (the ones in her brain, not Roxie’s). This depressed girl had gone to Ireland, knew about Regan. And with Elias and Wynne already accounted for, Jade realized who she was speaking to: The ham child (HamC for short). Her frown deepened and this weird thing called guilt set in the pit of her stomach. In a way, HamC was acting like that cause of her. In the same way Elias injuries could be traced back to her. And Regan’s wings. And Wynne’s extra cult trauma. Cause Jade didn’t try hard enough to make Regan stay. Was she gonna bring the mood down even lower? Nope. She was supposed to be running from that stuff. So of course, she kept things superficial. “Oh, yeah… we hate that girl too. She’s stupid”. 

The final piece of the puzzle she needed was delivered in the form of a name: Nora. But by that point, Jade had already completed everything in her head. She’d found Nora, Emilio’s missing kid. And Nora spoke in third person, which Jade was definitely digging. It had the makings of a great philosophical moment for all involved. And sure, she could have considered reaching inside the pocket of her jeans, pulling out her phone and immediately giving Emilio a call. But the thought didn’t cross her mind. Cause she knew how cats worked. Not just Melody and Lullaby but like, most of the people in her life had real cat personalities. You had to let them come to you. She looked away, focusing on the wheels of her motorcycle. 

“Oh. It’s that kinda party” Jade nodded in understanding. She thought of Van (nope, that was a mistake) (forget about Van). She thought of that day outside Sly Slice when she’d had to console… a super anxious girl. “Okay. Alright! But those parties are like, for a limited time only, you know? It can’t go on forever. We have to wrap it up at the end. Then we schedule for another time. But you have to let me know, so I can bring snacks” Actually, maybe she did have snacks. Didn’t she steal a bag of onion rings from her last delivery? Mmm… they were probably soggy and… wait, focus. “What are we hating Nora for?” 

—

Vindication filled Nora when Jade agreed that she hated Nora. Those words felt right, they felt better than the kind things she’d ran away from. They felt like the new future she’d planned for herself. The shadow with Declan’s voice hated Nora. Nora hated Nora. Everyone should hate Nora. Thank you, Jade, for hating Nora too. Everything about this made the universe feel right. She was on the right path. Leave until her trail turned to dust. Maybe she could go to Canada and live out her life as a polar bear. Polar bears were known for being solitary, only coming together for mating seasons and if like a whale got washed up and made for a large meal. Nora could live as a solitary bear in the Arctic. She didn’t mind the cold. It made her like, sleepy, but if she slept her whole life then she could live in a dream where Declan and her were under their waterfall. And that felt right too. 

But Jade wasn’t done talking. Jade sounded like the color orange. Which was weird, because her name was Jade and Jade was a shade of green. You would think if a person was named after a color, they would be that color. But before Declan, people hadn’t been colors. They had been fears. But now Nora couldn’t look at people as nothing more than their fears, they were more than that. And Jade was orange. Orange was a color of disconnected warmth. It was the base to a sunrise and a faraway light on a moonless night. It was the bonfire burning in the center of friends. It was a place to go if you worked for it, but it wasn’t overwhelming and it wouldn’t chase you down. 

It was also the color of pumpkin spice lattes. Nora wondered if those were the snacks Jade would bring to the next party. “Why? I mean, why end the party and reschedule? Why tell anyone? Why bring snacks?” The things Jade said were absurd enough that it drew the curiosity out of Nora. It was easier to respond to these abstract ideas than responding to things like ‘live to mourn.’ and ‘grief is a solitary and hard path.’  

What are we hating Nora for? What didn’t we? Nora figured Jade had no clue who she was. There weren’t pictures on the internet connecting her to the ham account. And to most people, she was some variant of ham (an idea that twisted painfully in her stomach), as far as she knew Regan had no clue what her name was. She knew Jade was friendly to Van and Emilio, but both knew she hated being called her name and she trusted both of them not to betray her name to anyone. So to Jade, she was probably just some weird rock girl. Anonymity was a beautiful thing. That’s what the internet has been teaching people for decades now. You could say anything anonymously and it didn’t count. “She killed someone I loved. She thought she could go and save someone, but instead, she got someone I loved killed.” Nora let out a harsh bark of laughter. “And she didn’t even save the original person. That person chose to save themselves.” 

—

Nora had excellent questions all around. If this had been a TV show they would’ve made for a great unlikely duo that ends up winning the audience. Alas, their show might have gotten canceled after a season cause they had too niche of a following. Jade nodded, answers ready like she’d had this conversation before. “Cause… I mean. All parties come to an end. The next day will come, and we gotta keep getting that bread. Metaphorically. We gotta keep trucking along. We got work, or school, or even, the premiere of a show we’ve been waiting on. So yesterday’s party is done and dusted. But then there are like, people who are excited to come to the next party, who’ve been waiting to receive an invite. So you gotta make sure you let them know. Plus, there are the people who wanna help you clean up after too. It’s just basic decency to let people know about your parties, everyone gets FOMO.” 

Jade reached down, taking some crusty pieces of what once was mud off of Nora’s hair. Then brushed the strands off her face. “I can help with the party. But we’re gonna need backup for all the mess that’s gonna get left behind, we’re gonna need the people who will hold your hair while you puke and swear you’re never touching vodka again, the people who will help you hide the broken vases” she shuddered at the memory. “That’s the point of parties, I guess. The more people are there for you, the better. We don’t want a party to flop.” She looked down at her boots thinking of how many of her own parties had flopped. How many times she’d begged for partygoers to just show up. And when no one was interested, how she’d resorted to finding strangers in bad places just to fill that void… but, anywhoosies! She was not the host of this party. 

And like, she always knew the reason Nora was out here becoming one with nature wasn’t a happy one. Elias looked a mess, Regan was put through the wringer. Wynne… Jade didn’t wanna think about them for too long, but they had to be in similar conditions. She’d heard of stabbings and wings cut off, even of death in that vague way Regan explained things, but… Nora was connected to it? She did not have uplifting quotes stolen from Instagram for this. She didn’t even have Facebook quotes with minions in the background. That’s how dire it was. She let out a tired sigh. “Oh, babe. That sucks ass. I’m so sorry.” The understatement of the century, probably. But it was the truth. And she was trying to be truthful this day.  

She glanced down at Nora, thinking about how many times Emilio must’ve begged for her to come back. All the many times Van wondered where she was. Jade was stubborn, she knew that sometimes there was no way to sway a woman with conviction. A quality she admired, but that always came at the cost of the most painful lessons. (She thought of the other stubborn woman in her life, and the wings she didn’t have anymore as a result). And of course, there was still the Nora they had to hate on. Who was different from the Nora who blamed herself for everything. It was a little tricky, but separating the two was also kinda smart. Jade hugged her knees, conceding. Sometimes all that worked was anger. (It wasn’t something she enjoyed, but she couldn’t deny its effectiveness). 

“Mmm, that’s reason enough to dunk on Nora, yup. But like, are we also hating on the real person behind it? That was a very specific way of phrasing what they did, you know? Would it… do you feel like, maybe… I’m like, spitballing here, hear me out. It was the fault of like, the actual murderer too? Multitasking our hatred and all…” she tilted her head curiously. “I get it though, not the murdering… I’ve never murdered anyone,” on account of those people already being dead. “I get that… Sometimes, intentions don’t matter, right? We still end up messing up. We are reduced and judged by the end result.” Her thoughts drifted to Van, as they usually did these days. All Jade had were good intentions, but in Van’s eyes… what she did was messed up. What she did helped no one. It only got people killed too. “I do think they should. Matter, I mean. Intentions. Like, Nora believing someone could be saved? Nora having hope things could change? Diving head first with her heart? That’s not a crime” In fact, that was the whole reason Jade had Regan back. How could she live with herself if she didn’t help to piece at least one portion of that broken heart? “But ya know… she still did that to you. We’re still printing photos and defacing her face. So… what punishment should Nora get?” She did promise it would be a joint effort, after all. “It can’t be physical, cause I’m a little bruised from… falling off my bike, and you’re literally a rock,” she thought of Emilio again, and got ahead of the curve. “We can’t banish her either, cause like… I’m sure Nora has people who wanna see her again so… let’s brainstorm.”

—

Jade spoke with her whole body, her words marked a cadence and all of her being fell in accordingly. Expressive, that was it. Capable of giving an impassioned monologue to the rock on the side of the road. The studio audience hmmed and awwed over the impassioned speech about parties. Nora tried to picture the party Jade was talking about. It was at the graveyard, a few of her favorite ghosts showed up. Jade was there, next to an orange crackling campfire. She held a drink in one hand as she spoke to Emilio, because Emilio had to be paired at the party with someone who would do all the talking, the drink would spill as she talked. Jade wouldn’t notice, maybe, but Emilio would and he’d scowl about it. Maybe Jade would like annoying Emilio, and spill the drink more and more on purpose until he threw back the rest of his drink and limped away. She’d wondered if they’d be friends. 

Van would be explaining Candy Crush and Honkai: Star Rail to Metzli. Metzli had asked about gaming before, and Van would be a lot better at explaining it. She’d download the games onto Metzli's phone, add herself as a friend, and walk Metzli through the first steps. Lelia would be watching with a smile. Cass would corner Thea about comic books, and Thea would be too polite to excuse herself from Cass’s in-person fanfiction read. She’d do her best to be kind. Cass would love to have someone to talk to. Teddy would have a crowd around them, start a round of singing, all eyes on them but in a way that was endearing and not try hard annoying like men playing Wonderwall on guitar. They would get Wynne to sing with them, and Wynne would be shy at first, but Ariadne would smile across that orange crackling campfire, and join in. They’d be happy. It would be a beautiful party. 

But Nora wasn’t there. Nora didn’t see how she could fit herself in that space. Ask them to forgive her. Ask them to hold her hair while she cried on their shoulders. Ask them to hold her steady while the world shatters away. It was a beautiful party, and she hoped Jade would meet her friends and throw it for them, but she couldn’t be there. The thought caused a panic to ripple in her chest, up her throat, leak down her eyes. She turned her face away, “FOMO.” Nora repeated. She was glad her friends were missing out on this one. “Can’t always be bad. I don’t think they want to be rocks at the side of the road.” That was reductive, and Nora knew it. Another day, another inability to listen to people who only wanted to help her. A fresh wave of self-hatred washed over her. Maybe it was time to wrap up the pity party. And do what? Be who? Go where? Jade had foreseen that as well. She sat next to Nora, in the mud, face full of concern, heart open to a stranger on the side of the road, and said “let’s brainstorm.”

Nora blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. The studio audience was applauding. The credits threatened to start rolling because Nora had no clue what to say. Brainstorm over her punishment with someone who didn’t know that she was who was getting punished? The static in her mind made it hard to think. She had to put every effort into moving her sluggish thoughts anywhere. Blame the actual murderer? The image of Niamh, blade in hand, flashed across Nora’s mind. The picture of Cliodhna, praising Nora for being exceptional. A view of Regan, jealous. That was unfair. That was unkind. Nora pushed that thought away. And wasn’t Nora a real murderer? She’d come to terms with Debbie’s death, and she’d saved the lives of her friends, but murderer would always be a correct adjective when it came to her. But saying she’d dove in with her heart? That intention should matter? Those words struck a chord, a nice melody, it ignited a small flame of hope. It was orange. 

“Why do you care?” Nora asked because they weren’t an unlikely duo staring on ABC Family. A commercial break hadn’t interrupted their conversation. The director hadn’t shouted cut before slathering fresh mud onto Nora’s face and resetting her face down. This was life. Jade didn’t need to be the color orange, offering a light in the dark. She could have gotten on her bike and drove away. Later on, she could have joked with her friends about the girl pretending to be a rock on the side of the road. The laugh track would have played. She would have been rock girl in stories for years while her body withered away in the spot, unable to move on. “Why,” It was hard to formulate the words. Why stop? Why try? Why care? Why help? “Why does it matter to you?” 

—

“Mm, you underestimate how many people just wanna be rocks at the side of the road together.” Jade knew if she asked Emilio, if she asked Van if they’d rather be rocks for a chance to get Nora back there’d be like a… (what was the collective noun of rocks?) a pile (duh) of rocks on the side of the road. Why do you care? That was, of course, one of the questions of the hour. Why would Jade put her day on hold cause of a huge rock on the side of the road, (turned girl covered in mud) and then change plans to sit with her to contemplate things? Why? Why would a rock girl stuff herself into a suitcase and get smuggled into Ireland for a woman who didn’t wanna hear anyone out? Why? They could be out here ping-ponging these sorta questions for a while. Jade's stamina for arguing had only met a few decent matches recently, but she still came out on top.  

“I want… to believe in good intentions” I need to, would’ve been more accurate. Jade needed to believe that she didn’t do horrible things to people, (people, they were people… or er, something in between) (maybe not just monsters with curses) just for the sake of it. She wanted to believe she had goodness in mind, in her heart. That she was honoring her duty first and foremost: She wanted to protect humans above everything. Keep them safe. Jade needed to believe she wasn’t just some weapon, like Metzli had called her. An instrument, like Regan called herself. This was different, she’d chosen this life. She had. And she wanted (had) to keep doing it. How would that look? She wasn’t sure. But Nora didn’t need her baggage on top of her Ireland trauma. (Stupid Ireland). And shoot… tangent over. 

Jade thought of the emergency letter she had written Regan. When someone couldn’t think about themselves, they had to think of others. It was easier for Jade to ponder on her own situation through someone like Nora. It might be easier for Nora to open up about a different Nora. It was weird, but if it worked, then… was it weird anyway? Weird wasn’t a bad thing. And actually, why would she not care? How did that even look like? She couldn’t imagine. All she’d done her whole life was caring. (In a totally chill, not intense way!). Jade looked at the girl, sympathy kicking her heart. (ouch). She let out a weary sigh. “Besides. Here’s the real kicker. I owe Nora a lot. I might owe her for the rest of my life, even. So I’d like a chance… to tell her that. Cause her good intentions got the woman I love back” She glanced at the bag in Nora’s hands, fully aware she was playing with fire. She was always a bit of a daredevil anyway. “I’d like to tell her it wasn’t in vain. That her good intentions mean everything to me. Which is like, so selfish. But that’s fine, I’ll own up to that right now” She had worse things to come to terms with on the waiting list, anyway.

She cleared her throat (allergies), letting a moment of reflection pass for both of them. “You deflected from punishment, by the way. So maybe in some twisted way, you already know Nora’s got enough punishment coming her way. And that’s fine. If Nora wants punishment she should face it. Cause she sucks.” But she didn’t have to face it by turning into a rock on the side of the rock. That was easy, in a way. Comfy. Just neglecting everything and everyone. Way less energy. The super hard stuff? That might be coming to terms with the fact that people will always care. Even when you don’t want them to. Even when you can’t care for yourself. (She couldn’t relate. Everyone she cared for left when they heard of her ‘good intentions’) (But it was really nice that Nora had that going on). She thought of Van, for like, the hundredth time, missing her best friend. She thought of Emilio, losing another one of his kids. Holding onto the hope that this one might return to him soon.

And Jade? She could still have good intentions. She could still care, even if Nora fought her, even if it didn’t make sense to her. She pointed at her bike, eyes narrowed. “That’s Roxie. I’ve had her for like, three… maybe four years? Lots of people consider it torture. It goes so fast, some people can’t stand it,” like her own little rollercoaster from hell. “It can take us into places that would be considered torture. Sorry, punishment. It can lead Nora to face the people who care for her, even though she doesn’t deserve them obviously, cause we hate her. But having to look at them in their loving, forgiving eyes? Feels punishment enough.” And Jade was quickly transported to the small bathroom in Regan’s bathroom, where she had to look at a wreck that could’ve very well been her own doing, had they not crossed paths. Had they not fallen in love. She swallowed the tightness in her throat (guilt), glancing down at Nora, to sell her on her nightmare bike. “Plus, lots of people puke with the bumpy rides. Which is so weird, cause I’m a great driver?” a smile reached her lips, small and patient. (Cause how else could she smile to a girl who lost her whole world recently?) “I’m just saying, that’s one certified torture right there. The rest of her sentence? We can figure out as we go”.

— 

In an alternate universe, they were rocks on the side of the road. Intentions didn’t matter, because rocks didn’t have any. Nora looked at Jade, and this time she really looked. She ripped herself out of her self-absorbed pity party and forced herself into the present moment; mud-covered, hungry, in pain, and full of pain, but alive. She painted this moment in her mind because she knew one day she’d need to look back and remember. 

Jade, the gem, formed over the years under extreme heat and pressure. For the briefest moment, while she committed her paint strokes to memory, and examined Jade in her entirety, Nora thought she could read the woman perfectly. She was a gem made of years under extreme heat and pressure to live by the good intentions that she wanted to believe in. There was a sadness of something unspoken. But optimism had polished her, Jade, into something that shined through it all. And as that moment stretched, Nora wanted to ask how she’d gotten there. How, in a world of endless possibilities, did she end up the polished gem she was today? What had shaken her belief in good intentions and left her wanting to believe, and not fully believing? What was the unspoken story that hid under the shiny polished edge and lived at the side of the road, covered in mud? But the words stuck in her throat, buried by the weight of existence, held down by the shadow. She wasn’t ready, but in that glittering moment, she thought that one day she might be. She just had to stick around long enough to get there. 

Jade was still speaking, and Nora understood what Regan saw in her. How the two of them had formed. The balance that must have been made between their two wildly different personalities. And Nora liked that Jade was selfish about her love because she would have been the same if given the chance. She was glad to see Jade knew how lucky she was. It meant something, even if Nora wasn’t sure what that something was yet. And finally, Nora realized her identity had never been a secret. Jade knew who Nora was this whole time and had simply been playing along. Another small mercy given to the girl who deserved none. Past Nora would have been ashamed, angry, or embarrassed about this. This Nora was just grateful that Jade had played along with a rock at the side of the road. She was too tired to be anything else. 

Jade was a good person. This world was full of good people if you only found them. Nora wished desperately that those good people had been in Ireland with Declan. To show him the love he deserved, and give him a life full of happiness. But wishes were a dime a dozen and Nora was out of pocket change. She rubbed at her eyes, spreading more dirt than doing any good, but she was lost in this unexpected gift Jade had given her. She’d given Nora proof that her good intentions hadn’t been just ash and dirt. It was Regan and Jade. It was the smile as Jade said Regan still sent her peach emojis. And it hurt, but it wasn’t all bad. There was some good in that hurt knowing that some people had faired the trials better than she did. She had tried, and wasn’t that more than most people? 

“We’ll figure it out as we go,” Nora agreed, following the statement with a nod. She was a newborn foal getting to her feet. Her bones rattled with the effort, and each moment she thought she’d pitch back into the mud. But Jade helped, and one foot found its way in front of the other until Jade and Nora were on Roxie. The wind whistled its approval as it tugged at Nora’s torn clothes. She held Declan close, making sure the wind wouldn’t rip him away. She cried on the way back, and she was grateful Jade couldn’t see behind her. She braced herself for the upcoming punishment of facing everyone who loves her, and the weight of pain that would come with facing them after everything that had happened. The studio audience cheered. Royalty-free music chased them out of frame. The credits rolled.  

[mx-princey]

Lowkey losing my mind because of all the sites that have been taken down, that have succumbed to the unforgiving march of time, of all the roulette and chat and RP site... CHATZY of all things is still up. Chatzy!?!?!?

[dragonnan]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers ⭐️

Drawing fanart. I am incredibly at peace and hum with happiness drawing fanart - which is likely why I make so much of it lol.

Eating pie. Yes sugar does horrible thing to my digestion but I DON'T CARE GIVE ME THE FUCKING PIE!!

Napping with Max. He's my goodest boy and as a chronic pain sufferer I can't do a ton of activities so I nap a bunch and Max is always delighted to nap with me.

Writing Fanfic. Admittedly I don't update often but when I'm in the zone I'm so so happy!

Chatting with my friends. Whether on Discord, Chatzy, Tumblr, or face to face I thrive with friend interactions. U literally need the people in my life to keep up my hope and purpose and I have no clue what I'd do without you guys.

[raytm]

knowing your partner can potentially make writing together a lot easier.

– BASICS.

✧ NAME: ray !!! ✧ PRONOUNS: he / him & they / them. ( sometimes ) ✧  SEXUALITY: ur local questioning pan - ace something. ✧  TAKEN OR SINGLE: single dad to 2 cats ( they aren't actually mine )

– THREE FACTS.

✧ i am adhd brain very chronically. i forget things alot, i bounce around alot ?? my attention span is always quite short ?? without my meds im pretty suire i would be an atom floating in space ?? i am also autistic so you can probably see the issue i have with both of these 2 things bbeating heads all the time. ✧ i am australian, we are real, i do not sound like an aussie but also apparently i do which is ??? ✧ i am 4'8 i am very small ic annoty reach aznything pls send a tall person to make my life signifantly easier.

– EXPERIENCE.

✧   HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): i have been writing since fucking like before 2010. so a long ass time. ✧   PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: gaming websites, chatzy, discord, facebook, tumblr, random forums like rp.me idk what th at was about though. ✧   BEST EXPERIENCE: i meet alot of talented writers on tumblr so that's probably my best experience i think ?? i learn alot and get the chance to read some prettyt artistic writing and interesting hcs

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

✧   FEMALE OR MALE:i gravitate towards male muses ALOT but for some reason sparkle has got my by the throat rn. ✧  FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i can and will writ4e all of these, i have a preference more towards angst & smut because fluff can become a little ?? meh after a while. but i do love me some domestics as a treat everynow and again. ✧   PLOTS OR MEMES: mermes mostly bc i suck ?? at plotting ?? so badly honestly i am allowed 1 thought every 100 hours and idk when that is coming tbh. so you can always ssend a meme in and we can continue it or just ?? slap me with ur muse like a fish. ✧   LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: i want to say usually 2-3 paragraphs but for some reason everytime i open google docs lately i end up writing 5-10 paragraphs which should be illegal. ✧   BEST TIME TO WRITE: after i take my adhd meds oml. usually morning - afternoon whyen the sun goes down so do it ✧ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): idk maybe >??>>> i guess ??? i feel l;ike this is a querstion i shoudl ask someone who knows me better OFONFNDCXN

TAGGED BY: mpo tags ypoui take it from me <3

[titasworldsblog]

Hey ♥︎

My name is madeline (maddie). I have been roleplaying for over 10+ years on various platforms I started on Chatzy, Omgele, kik etc..

I am currently looking for new roleplay partners that are willing to be patient with my replies. I am currently doing my final semester exams so my time is limited but I would be able reply during study breaks as well as night time.

I only roleplay bxg and doubles unless you are willing to play the boy.

I do not do sex- based roleplays (I am okay with smut but I do not like when the roleplay is 90% just sex).

I do not do joint/shared roleplays (you have your plot; I have my plot- my plot character/s and your character/s do not know about each other existence.)

I write semi-lit to lit.

If you are interested please message me 🩷🥰

[cunning-matriarch]

❤️ Your first roleplay memory

Oh GOSH......I've been rping a long time, 10 years at this point! Tho I dont have a lot of super clear memories from my early rp days---those were still the days of FB rp pages. I think one of my earliest RP memories is making a chatzy group with me and other d gray man rpers XDDDD

[theticklishpear]

Will there be a nano chat this year? ^.^

Well there is now, Anon! I've had a couple people reach out with interest in a chat for this year, so I've booted up a fresh room.

The Chatzy room will be open in the morning:

Click through and enter nano2023withpear for the password.

You do not need a Chatzy account to participate.

Please use your Tumblr handle as your username; it will help me keep track of who's who.

The room will be open 24/7 throughout November. I will be present:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday: 10 AM–12 PM EST

Saturday, Sunday: 2–12 PM EST

time zone convertor

I'm an ML for my area, plus this is the busiest season of my day job, so there may be times when I can't be there. I am, unfortunately, very human and still have to do life things.

Some ground rules:

We're an extremely low-expectation, chill room, and I intend to keep it that way. Trolling, flaming, anti-LGBTQIA+ sentiments, racism, antisemitism, etc. will not be tolerated.

If it's clear you're not there to write, you will be asked to leave.

Sometimes the room gets quiet — that's okay. Don't get upset if folks take a while to respond. They might be writing, and that's kind of the point after all.

Folks write all kinds of stuff. Just because someone's story isn't your thing doesn't mean you get to be disparaging about it. We do a lot of encouragement and I'd like that emphasis to be upheld.

Come on by if you need some prompts, challenges, or sprints! We're busy little writers, but we do love to feed each other's chaos, and sprints are a great way to buckle down and write hard for 10–30 minutes.

See you there! -Pear

[threebooksoneplot]

Episode 16: "Dates and Dateline" (Show Notes)

listen along here

Content warnings for discussion of suicide (33:10 — 36:17) and pedophilia/murder (1:21:21 — 1:27:45)

[00:01:39] The Tumblr Q&A for Life and Death in which Stephenie Meyer admits to trying to name Carine "Carlyle"

[00:02:20] It's "levi-OH-sa," not "levio-SAH"

I'm so sorry for 2023 harry potter reference but cmon

[00:04:58] G was not kidding about South Park being "a weird little Wild West town with like, cutouts of Cartman"

[00:05:38] Info on the South Park episode "Tweek x Craig," in which said characters get together

[00:06:13] Chatzy, apparently still going strong

[00:06:35] The Urban Dictionary entry for TwiMDB

[00:08:50] The CW's Nancy Drew (2019)

[00:12:41] Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight saga playlists

[00:14:47] The MTV article about Mitch Hansen + the band's Spotify

[00:15:28] The "Twilight Hour" album

[00:16:44] Jacob Black.mp3

[00:17:32] A World Without You.mp3

[00:17:59] Thorns.mp3

[00:18:12] I Don't Know.mp3

[00:18:42] She is Brighter.mp3

[00:19:09] Shannon's Twilight SAT book

[00:19:21] Nabokov’s Favorite Word is Mauve, the book that contains the “statistical analysis of Stephenie Meyer's word choice in the Twilight books” G is talking about (a recommended read!)

[00:20:28] The Bella Cullen Project

[00:21:44] Snag the download for Shannon’s "Then and Now (Alice’s Lullaby)" song here after you donate to the Quileute tribe's Move to Higher Ground fundraiser! (Don't forget to take a screenshot.)

[00:22:32] The "Edward playing music for Bella" meme

[00:23:46] Filk

[00:26:32] Shannon’s summary:

On a scale from 1-10, how weird is to hear all about your brand new girlfriend’s mom’s suicide attempts? Just asking for a friend. Beau might only be on Date #3 if we’re counting the sexy ravioli date, but he’s unlocking the first of much family trauma during this trip to the Cullen household. There’s ugly carpets, old paintings, and books and music galore! Beau is rolling with the punches in today’s chapter, and by punches I mean “tackles” because when Edythe tries to scare him, he just gets turned on about it. They make fun baseball plans with Archie and Jessamine, and if you’re quiet enough you can just barely hear Supermassive Black Hole playing in the distance. Things only get more exciting from here and I can’t wait to see the mess!

[00:31:13] G’s Animal Crossing: New Horizons recreation of Carlisle’s study, complete with Volturi painting

[00:34:16] The Groundhog Day suicide montage (obvious content warning here)

[00:39:06] Francesco Solimena, and a few examples of his work:

[00:39:38] The painting of Carlisle and the Volturi, as shown in New Moon and in the New Moon graphic novel

[00:40:57] G is incorrect—Edward has not told Bella he’s killed people yet. She’s getting mixed up with the movie, in which he does tell Bella he's a murderer during the meadow scene.

[00:54:20] Shannon’s Hot Topic jalice shirt, G’s Cullen crest and Bella rings (also from Hot Topic)

[01:16:11] The What We Do in the Shadows episode "The Orgy" (+ trailer)

[01:36:38] Follow Liza on instagram here!

Another action-packed show notes! Hope you enjoyed this week's adventures in music and art :))

[ribombeeloved]

✏️ — how long have you been roleplaying on tumblr?

✍️ — what other platforms have you roleplayed on?

I've been RPing on tumblr since about 2012. Over 10 years now, in other words!

Other platforms I RPed on were usually forums, sometimes deviantart. When I first started using tumblr, I also had a chatzy that lasted for a few years. I'm currently in a few Discord servers, as well.

[finalgrrrls]

get to know the author!

name: dani

pronouns: she/her

preference of communication: i use both tumblr ims and discord. i prefer discord for plotting and ooc chat because tumblr im delays in loading messages, but i’m fine with either.

most active muse: varies depending on whatever i’m hyperfixating on. at the moment, it’s definitely cameron, although maggie has been active on and off since 2018 despite me not watching d/ark sh/adows for years.

experience / how many years: i’ve been on this hell site since 2012 more or less consistently, with occasional breaks of a few months to a few years. before tumblr, i wrote mostly on youtube of all places, and in my friends’ chatzy rooms.

platforms you use: for rp, just tumblr. i’ve written on discord a few times in the past, but i prefer to use it for ooc communication.

best experience: it’s really hard to say! i suppose overall i’ve had the best experience writing in the star wars fandom a few years back. i had an oc in 2016 and a canon muse in 2019, and everyone was really friendly and welcoming to them both <3 i also had a great clique of friends when i wrote carrie white 10 years ago (that being a full decade ago kills me lmao). more recently, with maggie i’ve gotten to write with so many interesting muses and fantastic writers over the past couple years! many of whom i still write with today <3

rp pet peeves: people who constantly post their drama on the dash. i really don’t care what it is, unless it’s a call out of a legitimately dangerous person (not just someone you personally dislike or disagree with) i don’t want to see it.

fluff, angst, or smut: angst all the way, although i’m not opposed to writing fluff! as for smut, i’m not very experienced with writing it. i feel awkward writing the extra explicit stuff, so you’re probably not gonna see much of that on this blog.

plots or memes: it depends on my mood and our muses tbh. sometimes plotting is necessary for crossovers, but i like that memes allow for muse dynamics to grow organically. there are benefits to both!

long or short replies: i tend toward 2-4 paragraphs for most replies, but i can do longer, it’ll just take me longer to write. i don’t have as many short threads (and they tend to eventually become long lol) but i do like having a few going at any given time. sometimes i get overwhelmed by the longer drafts, and short replies are just what i need to kick a muse into gear.

best time to write: whenever i’m putting off something important that i need to do, or when i’m bored at work, or when i need to sleep 😅 my executive functioning is trash and if i sit down to write in my free time, i can’t always focus how i’d like to. i end up writing most replies in bits and pieces over the course of a few weeks in 5 minute increments.

are you like your muse(s): i don’t think so? not really for my canon muses. i tend to pick muses with interesting lives and backstories and powers….all stuff that i don’t have 🥲 my ocs have a lot more pieces of myself in them, but i haven’t written most of them here.

tagged by: @girlseventeen (thank you! <3)

tagging: @gas-stxtion, @cometsdiner, @lettherebemonsters, @alphateamsfinest, @wynterlanding, @nabaidhean-neonach, @vihilum, and you!

[lunarcovehq]

The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.

THE BLOSSOM FESTIVAL - SPRING EVENT

The blossoms are blooming and, with the start of Spring, Town Hall has decided to put on Lunar Cove’s very first Blossom Festival. The event will kick off on Friday, April 14th, strategically occurring outside of any National Holiday given how the Catalyst has a tendency to attack on them and plenty of security measures are being put into place to ensure the event kicks off without a hitch. But, we need your help!

CALLING ALL PLAYERS 

We will be having two different discord “chatzy style” IC parties as part of this event, so if you can vote in the Event Channel as to which days work best for you for both of them that would be great!

For the first discord event/plot drop, we will be having a Basket Auction which we need volunteers for! During this Discord event, characters will either submit baskets anonymously to be bid on or they can choose to wait until the Discord Event to compete in an all out bidding war in an attempt to win the basket/outing of their desires. We would love to have AT LEAST 19 CHARACTERS submit baskets so that everyone will have a chance to participate in a basket outing.

We hope this event will be a fun way to throw characters together who otherwise might not have interacting with one another, help spark some muse and be a fun and festive celebration of Spring. So, although it is completely optional as to whether you submit a basket or not, the charity auction and the pairing portion of this event will be mandatory. Also, IF YOU PLAY MULTIPLE CHARACTERS, at least ONE must submit a basket, and hopefully it will be a lot fun!

BASKET SUBMISSIONS

If you would like your character to submit a basket, please send a message to the main with which character will be participating and a short description of what the basket will include (examples of basket submissions can be found below). We will explain how voting works during the Discord Event, but the biding is half the fun, so if your basket is not chosen to be auctioned off, have no fear! There will still be plenty for you and your character to do when it comes down to the bidding wars. The basket submission form is as follows-

Name of Character:

Basket/Outing Description:

Accompanying Image (Optional):

BASKET DESCRIPTION EXAMPLES

A woven basket is filled with two vanilla milkshakes, fries, a Caesar salad, two cheese burgers and a homemade apple pie. On top sits a single red rose and a small radio with the song “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer playing the the background.

Oh bidder, bidder, wherefore art thou bidder? That’s right. This date is a Shakespeare-themed extravaganza. From starting the date off with a gift basket with your own wheel of gouda straight out of She’s the Man to going on a paddleboat and playing paint ball like in 10 Things I Hate About You, be prepared for cheesy puns and goofy costumes. The evening will conclude at a nearby pub for a Drunk Shakespeare reenactment.

A cardboard box sits taped together. Inside is a dented can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup, a cup of microwavable Easy Mac, a Twinkie and some other miscellaneous objects that were haphazardly thrown together such as a pack of batteries, some used birthday candles and a slinky that seems as if they came straight out of a junk drawn in someone’s house.

[enigmaincrimson]

So I am thinking of setting up a Chatzy when I feel a bit more self aware.

Once the room is open, anyone or anyone with a password can jump in, pick a color and a name and participate.

While you do not need an account, these are meant to be temporary and will disappear if there is no activity for a period of time.

As I only have a free account, there is a limit of 8/10/12 visitors at a time.

Personally, I'd recommend marking any out of RP with brackets and maybe agree on turn order or some other method to avoid "flushing".

As amusing it can be if it is the intended effect, having your response buried by a guy that's obsessed with caterpillars laying eggs in places it should be isn't particularly enjoyable.

While it is possible to have limited moderation, it is a bit more sensible to look at a Chatzy as like one of those walls that we put up at time to let people write stuff on.

Think quick, easy, and disposable, but also a bit hectic.

It also works on desktops and mobile devices as well.

[normaltothemax]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST.

name. Psy

pronouns. She/Her

preference  of  communication. Discord, but Tumblr IMs work as well.

name  of  muse. Max Parker, Riley McMillan, JD Palmer, The Doctor, Mona Wilder, Miles Morales, Marc Spector/Steven Grant/Jake Lockley.

rp  experience  /  how  long. I honestly don't remember. I wanna say about 10 years on Tumblr? I've rped on other platforms too, like Omegle and Chatzy, but I've definitely been on Tumblr the longest.

best  experience. I don’t think there’s one particular moment that sticks out, but I really love it when a blog I really admire is down to write with me, or when I see people I consider friends mentioning me casually (hi Ingrid!). Really just making friends on here makes me super happy.

rp  pet  peeves  /  dealbreakers. Harassment and bullying, not listening to what your partner is trying to tell you (communication is so important guys), stuff like “banned” faceclaims/character lists.

fluff,  angst,  or  smut. I probably love tooth-rotting fluff the most, but I’m also really good at making things angsty, so that happens pretty often. It’s fun to put your characters through hell sometimes. No smut for me!

plots  or  memes. Depends. Memes can be a good way to start an interaction, especially when no plots come immediately to mind, but I also love plotting stuff out with people, if an idea is there.

long  or  short  replies. Depends on my mood. Sometimes I don’t have the brain for long-ish replies, even stuff that’s more than a few lines feels like a lot, at time. Other times, I’m big on multi-paras, getting to write out all the stuff your muse is thinking and feeling and doing, really getting into that character study type stuff.

best  time  to  write. Whenever the muse strikes. Often with school and work, it can end up being in the evening, but sometimes when I’m not busy I could be ready to go with a reply first thing in the AM.

are  you  like  your  muse. I think almost everyone’s a little like their muses. You find something you connect to and that’s what makes the muse flow. I’d say I’m most like Max, though. She has a lot of the same reactions and similarities in personality and sense of humor with myself.

tagged by: @waywardfeathered tagging: @desmuerte, @fasciinating, @defectivexfragmented, @star-trekker-0013​, @atimebomb​

[tres-fidelis]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! )

✿ NAME: Dani, Meme Mother, little shit (lovingly) 

✿ PRONOUNS: she/her

✿ PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: Discord, mainly if we’re mutuals but I can do Tumblr IMs too. 

✿ NAME OF MUSE(S): Jayden Garner, Rin Fujimori, Kassandra (KC) Griffin, Makoto Nijima, Chie Satonaka, Naoto Shirogane, Akira Kurusu, Sae Nijima, Kasumi Yoshizawa, Takuto Maruki, Zenkichi Hasegawa, Vivi Kimoto, Mystery the Dog, and there’s a BUNCH of Discord only muses I write as well! More are definitely gonna get added too ^^’ 

✿ EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): It’s definitely 10 years now. 2012 was the start of it and here we are about to go into 2023. 

✿ PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: ....the start of it all was on the official Yugioh Abridged website using RP forums. Then there’s Skype, Tumblr, Chatzy (only a few times), and Discord. 

✿ BEST EXPERIENCE: I’ve met some lifelong friends because of roleplaying. Mystery Skulls Animated was really what kickstarted my friendship with the lot of online friends I still keep in contact with now. Some of us have even met up IRL because we live close by, but I’m making it a goal of mine to see ALL of them in person at least once. 

✿ RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: The basics here: being respectful to me especially in the stuff I won’t write. It’s a two way street and communication between partners is key, so if you’re disrespecting my comfort levels or even ragging on me about my interpretations of characters, you’re getting the boot. 

Since most of the characters I write are female-oriented, I don’t want them to purely be used as shipping fodder. They have personalities, they have interesting character traits, and I wish to explore those or make them grow as their own person. So me as the mun, and my muses wish to be treated right just like any other character. 

✿ FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: GOD I’M SUCH A DAMN ANGST MACHINE!! You don’t know how much I love putting muses through difficult situations, testing their morals and beliefs, making them wavering in their personal choices, and just seeing what their breaking point is. I’m always down to write up some good angst. I’ve been yelled at MANY TIMES by several friends for the crushing feelings I give them or when I make them cry over a response. It FUELS ME!! 

But in turn, I also LOVE LOVE LOVE me some good fluff. Hurt-comfort is another “good shit” kind of scenario too. I love fluffy cuddles, whether it’s romantic or platonic, I love writing cozy vibes and warm hugs when a muse is feeling down. It’s such a good feeling, and it sometimes makes me cry as well.

As for smut? Yeeeeeah, no thanks. That’s not my thing nor will I ever try to write it again. I made an effort on it once a few years ago but I absolutely hated how I wrote it. It didn’t feel like I was channeling my muse, and it didn’t even feel like it was quality writing too. It was upsetting and completely out of character. On top of that, I’m just uncomfortable with it all together. I rather not try to picture my muses in such scenarios. 

So fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, and all the above are good in my book! 

✿ PLOTS OR MEMES: I’m always down for both, but I find I get more motivation and put forth more energy into answering memes or improved asks. I like that uncertainty of a situation, and I adore brainstorming an idea of how my character can respond to the scenario. It feels a little more real, in my opinion, and I feel it flows a lot more naturally when you and your muse are presented with a situation unexpectedly. 

I can plot things out though! If it’s stuff involving a story-line, blog progression, or something that could be a little more on the darker side (torture, injury, stuff like that), then I’d rather plan it out. This way both muns can understand the consequences of the actions taken, whether they’ll be permanent to the character or not, and just so we’re all comfortable with the direction we want to take the thread. This ALSO applies to crossover stuff too, although I am game to be randomly thrown into a universe and let my muse learn what’s going on along the way. Because I’ll be learning new things too! 

✿ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: Oh I do both ways! Some days I can write novel long, four paragraph length replies if I’m REALLY channeling the character, and some days I can write a few sentences or a paragraph. 

One liners and such are more for quick interactions, or crack shenanigans. But either way, I just go with the flow of what my muse wants! 

✿ BEST TIME TO WRITE: It’s always ALWAYS been at night. I get hit with inspiration a lot more once the sun is down, or I get home from work and need to unwind. 

✿ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): In MANY MANY WAYS, YES!! In other ways not so much. I don’t think I have an other self sleeping or lying dorment somewhere in my soul. Though it WOULD be cool if it happened to me one day. 

....or maybe not. But in any case, there are similarities I see in my muses. 

Tagged By: @bloodbondcd​

Tagging: STEAL IT FROM ME!!! 

[skelkankaos]

mutuals i just found out chatzy still exists and is basically unchanged from how i remember it. get in my room http://www.chatzy.com/48135131101608 (hurry coz apprently i can only have 10 ppl in at a time)

[lolothesilly]

to comment about your rss feed post- i never stopped using rss feeds, when google tried to strike them down and many large websites gave up i kinda was just out of the loop because i never use corporate stuff in the first place. so remembering that there are still places that use rss feeds like tumblr is important to getting people to migrate from phone models to legacy ones, but i think at the end of the day the greatest evil is all the ui changes that came with the smart phone i have a flip phone and my daily driver is my laptop i am never off of, theres so many ui differences in endless scroll feed based websites that the people on neocities RESENT and desperately do not want to emulate so i really hope people are happy with how small and cute and sincere it is right now and use ANOTHER website maker to do more of what that post was talking about. because neocities is a spiritual successor of geocities and the traditions of webrings and guestbooks and emailing people directly and following the breadcrums of links is all apart of the learning curve and to disrupt that for the lesser endless feed scroll model is going to get us back to what corporate hell has entrapped us in. since twitter migration started on tumblr nobody makes real blog posts, people are alergic to paragraphs and intimacy and sincerity. i just appreciate neocities for having that and being too desperate for EVEN MORE USERS when we already have so many scares me, i already got to get off of tumblr for the expansion reasons that made it unusable and out right dangerous for me as a queer person. theres benefits many in being obscure and small.

im sorry i cant tell if im having a hard time processing this ask or what, im not 100% sure what youre saying here but ill try to respond as best i can, sorry if i misinterpret anything!!

so like i definitly agree with the "allergic to paragraphs and intimacy and sincerity" thing, i was thinking about it more last night and i think its a good thing that neocities doesnt really lend itself as much to the short-form posts you see on tumblr and twitter. bc like. i remember when i was a kid/teen, that kind of shortform flow-of-consciousness posting was mostly found in:

chatrooms (chatzy, IRC, guestbooks, shoutboxes, etc)

early social media status updates (like on myspace or facebook, the "had starbucks today lol 😜" kind of stuff)

and like. the niche chatrooms used to fill is now mostly filled by discord (though i know discord has Problems and i Think ive heard of alternatives to it?? havent looked into that as much) but. i think neocities being a home for longer posts about your interests is SO valuable honestly and i want more people to embrace that kind of thing!!

i feel like theres a sort of craving that sites like tumblr or twitter currently fulfill (badly) of like. throwing your thoughts into the void. not necesarily looking for a discussion but like. idk. its like if you wrote in a journal and then turned the pages into paper airplanes and threw them out your window.

(actually i remember in the 10s there was this site... i forget what it was called but it was like an anonymous "email" sort of service but your emails just went to random other users? literally shouting into the void, knowing someone will hear but can not respond because its all anonymous. idk it was neat)

but yeah. sorry. this is disjointed im really just thinking out loud. i just miss personal sites and fansites and forums and chatboxes and IRC chats..... i miss the way we used to use the internet, the way we used to share things with each other....

as far as RSS and feeds go i dont think its really all that comparable to the endless scrolling hell we have on modern social media sites, but i DO think it might scratch the same brain-itch while being less destructive. its hard to doomscroll if your "feed" is literally just "new articles posted by your friends on their personal websites" instead of like, "10000 reblogs and 1000000 random things the algorithm has decided to show you", yknow? its like. home grown organic media. idk