Radio Free Monday
Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!
Ways to Give:
Anon linked to a fundraiser for ridne, who needs to raise $2K for emergency dental treatment; ridne has EDS and needs crowns to protect brittle teeth. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.
like-the-midnight-sun linked to a fundraiser for a close friend, Sydney, who is queer, trans, disabled, and currently homeless after leaving an abusive situation; they have a job but are living in their car and need help to keep Felix safe during the day while they're at work. They're raising funds to board Felix during the day so that they can keep their job and get back on their feet; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.
Anon linked to a fundraiser by the Coalition for Responsible Home Education, a nonprofit supporting homeschooled children with a focus on laws protecting their rights, which is pulling together support for a young trans man who recently escaped a (very common) abusive home/homeschooling situation and needs resources to get a start in life. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.
gwydion is raising funds to replace a broken fridge; they've solved a semi-recent plumbing issue but still need to replace the fridge and that's never cheap. You can give via paypal here.
Anon linked to a fundraiser for a nephew, Martin, who is raising funds to get a service dog to help him as he lives with a disability; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.
greaseonmymouth linked to small Scottish independent queer horror publisher Haunt Publishing, which is raising funds for a new frontlist title and to reprint two of their anthologies; the kickstarter has ebook, audio, and print options for rewards, including their entire backlist. This is the kind of indy publisher which launches careers in the UK publishing world, so helping them also helps queer authors. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.
Recurring Needs:
rilee16 is raising funds to get out of an abusive home situation, where their roommate has been harassing them and vandalizing their belongings. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.
chingaderita's partner recently lost their job due to a house fire that also destroyed the house; they're raising funds to keep food on the table for a family of nine, to try and get a supply of water to keep clean which is increasingly difficult during a drought, and for medications and bills until they can find new work; they also had an emergency this past weekend which ate into their funds. You can read more, reblog, and support the fundraiser here.
And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.
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Stitchy, How Do I Get Back into The Muppets?
Muppet memes are everywhere. They trend every time Brett Goldstein gets his hands on a microphone, or a British politician puts their foot in their mouth. Let the Muppets host the Oscars! Miss Piggy dumps Pete Davidson! Knives Out III! But, reader... it’s been a long time since you last hopped over to sip Lipton’s on Kermit’s lily pad, hasn’t it? And you kind of miss it.
I’m imagining you, dear reader. Not in a weird way or anything... I’m just being transparent about who I intend my audience to be, because I have Twitter poisoning. You know how it is, you rascal, you. I know, because I’m imagining you into existence! Let’s just go with it! Yeah, so- I bet you’re thirty something, low forties. You say ‘No worries!’ a lot, but you sure do have worries. How can you not? You’re way too online, but you hope to the Great Gazoo you’re pulling it off, looking merely casually plugged in, in public. You maybe don’t have kids, who've forced you to plumb the depths of Disney +, but you do have it, because you’re not immune to Baby Yoda and the bionic biceps of a one Bucky Barnes. Aside from that fatuous affair, you’re also in a ever evolving polycule with at least three streaming services, but they still aren’t *quite* delivering what you need from the relationship. You kind of miss being restricted to whatever 6 VHS tapes were in the TV hutch of your childhood home. If you’re too young for VHS, you at least remember having to mail actual disks back and forth with Netflix. You remember that once, practical effects were the only effects. You have taste! And curiosity! And heart! You tear up when you think about Mr. Rogers for too long, which is very sexy of you. Most importantly, dear reader, you appreciate a bit of cornball. You like a lil goof. A cheeky lil pun. A gag so cheap, the shopkeeper is looking the other way as you pocket it, secretly stoked to get it off the damn shelf already... Nobody’s looking, ya know. It’s okay to admit it! You like hokey jokes. In fact, you're spiritually wearing boxers with hearts on them right now, just in case. Not that I’m imagining you in your spiritual underwear.
Did I make it weird?
Shh, shh, it’s fine. I’m Stitchy, by the way! I am alllllll of these things too- it’s fine! Well, I’m not super into Bucky, if we’re being honest- which we are! Because we’re friends now! And you know, friends can ask each other embarrassing questions. Your question is the headline of this, so I won’t beat around the bush anymore. I’m gonna do you a solid. I’m gonna tell you.... How to get back into the Muppets.
Hey, wait! You sneak! You! That guy peeking over the shoulder of the reader I was just talking to. You’ve never seen any Muppets on purpose at all, and you’re hoping I can set you up, too? Ha! I knew it… Yeah, that’s okay. You can follow this list. I won’t rat you out, as long as you don’t tell Rizzo I said ‘rat’ in that context.
Muppet Immersion PART 1: The New Shit.
You’ve already seen the stuff that came down the pipeline in the 90’s. You Mnah Mnah’ed your butt off in your tender youth, and nowadays you still get a little confused when there’s only one Marley in non-Muppet Christmas Carols. You vaguely know that the good people at Henson Co. made post-Y2K projects, but you haven’t checked them out, because you had important, more grown up things to worry about, like curating your MySpace top eight. Then time got away from you. That’s okay, bud- because I’ve been on my muppetfrickin’ grind.
(One note: not all Muppet Materials are made with our age group in mind, and that’s okay! I’m sure Muppet Babies 2.0 has its moments, but we’re only looking at the slightly more mature pieces.)
1. The Muppets, 2011 (watch on Disney +)
They struck gold when tapping lifelong muppet freak Jason Segel to write and star in the Muppet’s comeback to the silver screen. With the expert musical-comedy midwifery of Flight of the Conchord’s James Bobin (director), and Bret McKenzie (music), a beautiful baby Muppet was born! It’s a classic tale of “We’ve gotta get the band back together and put on the best show this town has ever seen Or Else!”. The Or Else, if you’re wondering, is oil tycoon Chris Cooper’s plan to obliterate the Muppet Theater. Best work he’s ever done, I tell ya. Same goes for Amy Adams, who absolutely nails her role as the doting but levelheaded Mary, who’s fiancé is troublingly codependent with his Muppet brother, Walter. Oh, Walter. A wide eyed, whistling optimist, who deserves love and puppies and the whole entire world. In the words of Phil Spector (Yikes) to know know know him is to love love love him. A great entry point for returning, or newly budding Muppet enthusiasts. Highlights include the knock off ‘Moopets’, hostage Jack Black, and Muppet turned man Jim Parsons.
1.5 The sequel, Muppets Most Wanted, 2014 (also available on Disney +) doesn’t work for me. Seeing as it’s my guide to Muppet Immersion, I say you can skip it if you’re not feeling like another feature film, just now! My beef may not be your beef, though. (Too much Ricky Gervais, too much faux-Kermit, and not enough Walter... ((My soul will never be at rest until I understand why TPTB lost faith in Walter as the new audience surrogate. I can only hope Serial has plans to investigate.))) Maybe Muppets Most Wanted will work for you! Definitely DO NOT MISS the absolute feast of bops, again penned by Bret McKenzie:
1.5 a. “I’ll Give it To You”
1.5 b. The Interrogation Song, a thrilling double act by Ty Burrell and Sam the Eagle
1.5 c. We’re Doing a Sequel!
1.5 d. Something So Right featuring none other than powerhouse Celine Dion
1.5 e. Something So Right Demo Reel, because you need to have Bret’s Miss Piggy in your ears, too.
Whenever Piggy wears a hat with one lil’ ear out!? That’s the good stuff.
2. It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights, it’s time to fire up the Baby Yoda machine to watch The Muppets, 2015. Confusing, yeah... It’s the same-named, but sadly short lived series, spun out from the success of the new films. The docu-sitcom format is a natural fit for the fourth-wall breaking Muppets. For the first time since 1984’s Muppets Take Manhattan, Kermit is solidly the leading man. We find him back in the studio, producing Up Late With Miss Piggy, amidst a flurry of Muppet interpersonal problems. As a quintessential Will They, Won’t They couple of the last half a century- it’s kind of incredible that the Muppet media that best portrays why Kermit and Piggy love each other is the one where they are very emphatically Did, But Don’t Anymore. It’s a refreshingly grown-up main story line! Aside from that- we all know C is for Cookie, but B is for B-Plots and running gags that absolutely slap. Fozzie’s beleaguered love life, Uncle Deadly’s wrangling of Piggy’s vast wardrobe, Scooter’s ongoing beef with his mother’s boyfriend, the meddling network president June Diane Raphael... I truly can’t get enough! Because they canceled it! Hmmph! And a pink satin heeled kick, and a hiiiii-ya!!
Anyway, the cameos and needle drops are expertly deployed, as fitting and offbeat as ever. I’m especially fond of Christina Applegate, Ed Helms, and Josh Groban’s appearances.
My absolute favorite episode, if you watch only one, is “Swine Song”. The network saddles Up Late With Miss Piggy with a brand manager who’s dead set on giving the show a face lift. Key and Peele, now reduced to running an Etsy shop after their own fiasco with the brand manager, feature.
I don’t know what happened, that we didn’t get more of The Muppets. Perhaps the 30 Rock-ification of the Muppets might have been more at home on a different network, with a different pool of veteran talents and sensibilities? Were we as a society just not ready in 2015 for a story about workplace friends, grounded by such sincerity? Eh, maybe. It’s no surprise Ted Lasso’s Bret Goldstein is one of the most vocal proponents for a Muppet comeback, with that in mind. Same niche!
If there is any justice in this universe… [clenches fist]
3. The Muppets Haunted Mansion, 2021, on Disney + is a welcome return to form after the platform’s first “exclusive” but paltry offering of Muppets Now (Don’t even... Don’t even bother to look…). Gonzo and Pepe challenge themselves to face their fears and spend the night in the spookiest place on earth, inspired by the beloved Disneyland ride. It’s great. If you’ve taken my advice this far and you’re still in, just. Just go for it. It’s 52 minutes. What else you got goin’ on? You’re elbow deep in some internet weirdo’s ramblings about a fifty year old troupe of talking socks.
Can’t get enough? Need to soak in hours more of puppety perfection?
4. The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, 2019, Netflix. Not technically the Muppets TM, but absolutely a must see for a burgeoning Henson buff. Did you ever see the original 1982 film? Do! It’s rentable. The Dark Crystal is some high fantasy, live action, no humans, all puppet madness. It’s disturbing and strange and beautiful. An age old tale of corruption and ideals, told by some of the cutest, oddest little creatures you’ll ever see. (Deet and Hup!!!) And I mean. C’mon. The vocal talent! They didn’t even fit Bill Hader on the wiki cheat sheet, that’s how stacked it is!
5. Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock, 2022, Apple TV. This one’s definitely made for the kids, but it’s exactly as lovingly rebooted as you hoped.
We’re getting down to some slim, definitely non mandatory pickings, now. Uhhhh…
6. Miss Piggy made an appearance on Drag Race!
7. The creature workshop whipped up some puppets for Coldplay’s Biutyful music video!
8. And here’s a half hour supercut of a bunch of ads featuring the Muppets, in the last fifteen years or so. It’s not entertainment, per se, but at the very least, you’ll see the Kermit Sipping Tea origin.
PART 2: Outside Readings
The road to your Masters in Muppetfrickery has been paved by many scholars. Here are a few peers whose work you might like to check out, now that you’re no longer a tadpole, but a fully grown frog, with hard cover books and podcast subscriptions, and junk!
Jim Henson: The Biography, by Brian Jay Jones
This book is exactly the comprehensive, compassionate deep dive you hope it is. Watch out, though! It did make me cry in an airport.
I Am Big Bird: The Caroll Spinney Story, 2015.
A feel good documentary about the man under the bird. Available on Prime, Peacock, and others.
Muppet Guys Talking, 2017
Five of the original Muppet performers discuss their iconic characters. Muppetguystalking.com
Street Gang: How We Got to Sesame Street, 2021.
You guessed it! A doc about Sesame Street, on HBO.
Defunctland has also done some stellar coverage of the Muppets, Fraggle Rock, and more!
Follow ToughPigs.com for a survey of what's up and coming in the various Henson adjacent worlds, and top tier curation of Muppet history. They have a podcast, too!
If you are lucky enough to live in NYC or DC, you can even see some Muppets in person!
Museum of Moving Image
The Smithsonian
PART 3: The Oldies!
Whatever Muppet movies you had access to as a kid- there’s a good chance there’s one you missed! Good news is there’s still time to play catch up- whew!
Stitchy’s TOP TEN of the pre 2000 canon:
1. THE MUPPET MOVIE 1979 (Disney +)
2. MUPPET TREASURE ISLAND 1996 (Disney +)
3. THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL 1992 (Disney +)
4. THE DARK CRYSTAL 1982 (Rent Only?)
5. LABYRINTH 1986 (Netflix)
6. THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER 1981 (Disney +)
7. MUPPETS FROM SPACE 1999 (Rent Only?)
8. THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN 1984 (Prime)
9. THE MUPPET SHOW 1976-1981*** (Disney +)
10. EMMET OTTER’S JUGBAND CHRISTMAS 1977 (Prime, Peacock)
If you’ve missed any of the top 5, BOY HOWDY are you in for a treat. Especially if you’ve never seen the original Muppet movie. I am on my hands and Always Conveniently Off Screen Knees, begging you to give it a shot. If it’s been decades- give it a watch with fresh eyes. It’s a sweet, simple, silly story about a frog who dreams of making people happy. It’s about art, and integrity, and joy, and friendship, and it’s just about the only place you’re gonna get Hare Krishna jokes, nowadays.
Of course, this list is just a start. There were quite a few obscure TV specials and series besides, but as they are very hard to track down on streaming, I won’t insist on their viewing. I do highly recommend the series Jim Henson’s The Storyteller, 1987-1989, however. These episodes are all self contained if you can dig one up on Google, and they are exquisite pieces of art. John Hurt stars as the gruff old Storyteller, weaving fantastical yet tactile folk tales that have stuck with me for decades.
***Sheesh! The Muppet Show is like, 44 hours of television. I can do better than just point you at it in its totality! That brings us to:
PART 4: Going Right to the Source.
It’s the OG. THE Muppet Show.
By all means, crack open that laptop and follow your nose! There are legends aplenty to pick from, and just about every one of the 120 episodes has a classic moment, somewhere in there. As you scroll through the many guests, I’m sure you’ll be drawn to such greats as Rita Moreno (This appearance is The E in her EGOT!), John Cleese, Julie Andrews, Bernadette Peters, Steve Martin, Elton John, Madeline Khan, Gilda Radner, the cast of Star Wars, and Carol Burnette. They all put on fantastic shows that are essential viewing, but I must also put in a good word for some personal favorites.
Paul Williams, one of the great American songwriters, author of The Rainbow Connection and many other classics
Vincent Price, your favorite creepy uncle, and mine. (That’s right! We’re not just friends, we’re also cousins!)
Avery Schreiber, who never ever holds back, and whose episode features the fantastic Electric Mayhem rendition of “Tenderly”.
Sandy Duncan, who’s “Nice Girl Like Me” is an unforgettable, leggy revamp of the Manilow classic.
Mummenschanz, who are impossible to describe, but who would have ruled Tik Tok.
Leo Sayer, serving up three of my favorite 70’s tunes.
Pearl Bailey, bringing down the house with a pastiche sure to delight any musical theater nerd.
Harry Belafonte. “Turn the World Around” never fails to bring a tear to my googly eye.
Linda Ronstadt, lacerating the ONLY live vocals in the history of the show, and also crushing so so hard on Kermie. Relatable af
PART 4: Looking Forward
(video)
And you may ask yourself, "What Muppet Am I?"
And you may ask yourself, "Why are there so many songs about Rainbows?"
What should come next for the Muppets? I say, if Disney is gonna own everything and everypiggy, go whole hog! Make Kermit the Avenger’s new therapist. Maybe he’s outside their insurance network (and dimension) but they have great rapport! Give Piggy a real late night slot, and get Grogu on to host a remote segment! Keep making the kids their kid shows, but embrace the grown up Gen X and Millennial audience with their own fare. Get back to the Muppets Sex and Violence roots, I double dog dare ya! Make a Muppet dating sim! Reboot Statler and Waldorf: From the Balcony on Youtube! Hook up Lil Nas X with the Electric Mayhem! Stop dicking me around and get the Muppets to host the Oscars, for real! Bring back my best boy Walter, and take advantage of the Muppets’ unparalleled skill for literary adaptation. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Muppet is a story that demands to be told!
Well, we do know one new series on the way in 2023- The Muppets Mayhem. A junior record exec must wrangle the unwrangle-able Electric Mayhem through the modern music industry as they record an album. I don’t know about you, but I’m crossing my furry little fingers.
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