#cherish your fucking pets. treasure every fucking day

[dockaspbrak]

what the hell

[dark-and-kawaii]

The Pet Names

╰› Raphael carries himself with a supreme level of self esteem, and should you be the one who captures his attention, be prepared for endearments as rich as his most exquisite wines. You are not merely his "little mouse" anymore, no you’ve become something much more significant now.

Little Mouse <- Still his favorite

My Dearest

Love

Eternal Bloom Of My Soul <- When he’s in his poetic mood

My Queen

My Duchess

As Raphael leads you onto his grand floor, the lost soul in the corner playing the violin ever so diligently. With a graceful step, your devil draws you close moving in rhythm to the music, his voice a tender whisper, his breath warm against your ear. He murmurs one of these cherished names he’s given you, and oh how it makes the rest of the world fade away in your mind, leaving nothing but the two of you, swaying in a moment meant only for you.

╰› Haarlep is a demon, an incubus, hence it's unrealistic to anticipate endearing pet names at every moment. Nevertheless, it's evident how much Haarlep has developed an attachment to you, and that shows when they slip with something sincere.

Little Dove

Delectable Delight/Treat

Pet

Darling <- Always says it with a smirk and a chime to it.

Play Thing

Brat <- Haarlep loves when you call them a brat as well

Pretty Little Fuck Toy

Bitch In Heat

Bunny <- Haarlep finds it cute because they could devour you whole if they pleased. You’re the perfect little prey for them.

Regardless of the array of belittling names bestowed upon you daily/nightly, you consistently find Haarlep at your side, some form of him always touching you as if to show others you are indeed theirs- a silent declaration of possession. And when Haarlep can’t be around you they wait impatiently on your bed, their tail flickering about restlessly. And once you show yourself, the incubus always strides over towards you seductively, their tail snaking around your thigh to bring you into his chest so that his wings can envelop you.

“Oh, come now, my little dove, must you always wander away for so long?” They lament with a playful pout, “You know every second you’re gone, I’m here wasting away in a sea of sheets without my favorite delectable treat.” They draw you closer, their embrace tightening ever so slightly. “Consider a poor incubus’s heart, won't you? It’s quite cold without you here warming me, afterall.” Haarlep coaxes, their plea wrapped in a cheeky yet sincere veneer of need as he nuzzles against your cheek tenderly.

╰› Zevlor is a grown man, not a mere boy. He holds you in the highest regard, adores you, treasures you, and is prepared to go to any lengths for your sake. His nicknames for you may seem straightforward and unadorned, yet they are laden with affection and are so endearing that they leave you wanting more.

Darling

Sweetheart

My Dear

Beloved

Beautiful

Each night, just before you drift off to sleep, Zevlor tenderly cradles your face and gently presses his forehead to yours, whispering one of these cherished names. As he draws back, he reassures you with a reminder not to fret over him while he's out safeguarding the city. He promises that, regardless of what happens, he will return to you, ready to envelop you in his embrace as the day concludes.

╰› Rolan is new to pet names, so he’s not necessarily used to this. You’re his first serious relationship/first person he’s ever taken real interest in. But believe me when I say, it doesn’t take long for Rolan to get used to calling you special names. With a voice dripping in self assuredness, Rolan would call you:

Dear

Sweetheart

Pest <- It’s never malicious though

Angel <- always says it with a smirk

Fiesty Little Flirt

Cheeky Brat

Troublemaker/ Trouble

As you entered his dimly lit study, you could smell the scent of old books and melting candles within the room. Rolan feels a shiver of delight as you wrap your arms around him from behind. You could feel how his tail encircles around your waist, pulling you firmly against his back, anchoring you to the warmth of his body. Before you could rest against him he spun within your embrace to cradle your face, “Has my troublemaker come here to lure me away from my duties?” Your cheeks flushed deeply as you simply nod. "How greedy of you," he whispers just as he claims your mouth with his.

[kyopmi]

♡ — when you start calling your sakusa kiyoomi by “omi”

a few months into your relationship with sakusa kiyoomi, he finally, begrudgingly introduces you to his MSBY teammates and when you hear atsumu and bokuto refer to him as omi-omi, something in your brain just clicks — like a light bulb just went off.

omi.

that's the cutest fucking nickname for your boyfriend, ever.

later that day, after you bid your goodbyes and kiyoomi quickly ushers you out of the gym and into his car, you're buckled in the front passenger seat while kiyoomi is starting the car, your phone immediately connecting to the bluetooth stereo.

"wow, your teammates seem like a handful, but they're pretty great — right, omi?"

and kiyoomi whips towards you worryingly fast, eyes immediately narrowing and conveying his many emotions without a single word: irritation, regret, betrayal. meanwhile you blink back at him with an innocent smile, though the MSBY outside hitter can very clearly see the mischievous twinkle in your eyes.

"don't call me that," he snaps without any malice, one hand reaching over to you and delivering a light flick to your forehead. kiyoomi can only sigh deeply when you burst into a flurry of amused giggles as he pulls out of the parking lot.

to his despair, you easily disregard his warning and start habitually calling him by his dreaded nickname.

it begins with you proudly showing him the new contact name he's listed under on your phone — omi 🖤 — at which he huffs bitterly and proceeds to lunge at you, pinning you down on your couch with one hand and the other beginning an onslaught of tickling to the spots he knows are your weakest. amidst all the squirming, laughing and tears in your eyes, you can barely make out him grumbling something about damn miya and bokuto and never should've let you meet them.

you don't learn anything from that incident, of course. in fact, it spurs you on even more.

the next several times you call him omi, there's a playful lilt in your tone and you're always looking at him, lips upturned into a sly smile and expectantly waiting for his reaction (and ready to run away, too, in case he decides you need to be punished). however, neither of you can seem to pinpoint a moment when you start to actually, unironically call him omi. it just happened so naturally, from the way you call out his name when you greet him on your dates to the softly whispered good nights through the phone when the two of you can't seem to press the red end call button and wind up waiting until one of you fall asleep. when you're trying to grab his attention during a match, your familiar voice shouting words of encouragement from the stands always comes through from among the crowds of volleyball enthusiasts. even when the both of you are alone, spending time that he cherishes the most in your shared apartment, and you ask him what he would like for dinner as he holds you close in the kitchen and swaying you gently while pressing butterfly kisses on your forehead.

hi, omi. good night, omi. good luck, omi! do you want chicken, omi?

every time the name rolls off your tongue, kiyoomi hates it a little less and grows to favor it over any other pet name. he even finds his heart will involuntarily pound uneasily whenever you start a conversation with his full first name, wondering if you were feeling alright or if he'd done something wrong.

a whole year after you start calling him by the teasing-turned-term-of-endearment name, you’re slipping under the covers with sakusa kiyoomi, nestling under the warm blankets and into his side as his arms promptly circling around you to pull you closer, and he hears the four simple words he treasures the most from you.

“i love you, omi.”

“i love you, too, y/n.”

[ extra ]

♡ taglist — @sachan1956 @gojoanti @llyslikeliz @sunkeiji @rinsramenshop @justmyownreality @a-cosmicdawn @emmyrosee​ @tyler-dimples-jones​ @crystal-lilac​

[chalametsimp]

Sweet like Honey (Leaf Swishers) 18+

Pairings: stoned!Timothée Chalamet x stoned!Reader

Summary: Post Sunday Brunch smoke sesh turns into something a little more fun.

Warnings: stoned balcony smut 👀🗣, cigarettes, exhobitionism, feels domestic, fingering, praise kink

Word Count: 2,498

Authors Notes: I had to include a german pet name because it’s literally so fucking cute and sweet 🥺🥺🥺 sorry this took forever, I had to help the cable guy all day, I just moved. I hope you enjoy 🥰

masterlist

Lazy Sunday post brunch smoke sessions on the balcony was your favorite unspoken tradition. You would get dressed up late in the morning and try a new brunch spot every week, drinking mimosas and chatting about everything, really. Timmys favorite part was smoking a freshly rolled blunt afterwards and basking in the sun, surrounded by the scenery of New York City.

This afternoon you were doing just that. Sharing cannabis, kisses and American spirits. The sun was shining just how you liked it and you sat in front of the outside coffee table on colorful pillows. A spread of half empty weed jars, swisher honey leaf packages, a couple lighters and a cortado that the two of you were sharing was laid out before you. He was cutting the leaf and you were taking a sip of the espresso drink when he finally spoke, “you look so beautiful in the sunlight.”

You lowered your sunglasses to get a better look at him and smiled. “Who, me?”

“Yes, you.” He chuckled softly, returning to his task of filling the leaf. “You look beautiful every day, but you look even more radiant in the sun.”

“My sweet boy,” you hummed “I love you.”

“I love you too.” The response was immediate and made your heart swell in your chest. You never thought it was possible to love someone so much but here you sat, watching the love of your life roll a perfect blunt. You were mesmerized now while watching him, his tongue darting out delicately to seal his creation, trailing across the length of it, his eyes glued to yours the entire time.

“Oh god.” You murmured quietly, watching him intently.

“What?” He chuckled, pretending to be completely innocent. Timothée held the blunt in front of you, smiling wide with pride. This was his specialty.

You gladly accepted. Had you refused to take the first inhale, well, he wouldn’t let you. He always made sure you got the first hit every time, no matter where you were or who you were smoking with. He was extremely chivalrous towards you no matter what, but this was your favorite way that he showed it.

“Thank you, honey.” You murmured, moving to rest your head in his warm lap, bringing the blunt to your lips before exhaling it, making sure to not to blow the smoke into his face. You also had your chivalrous moments.

You removed your sunglasses and placed them face down without thinking about it. And almost as if this were regular routine, he flipped them over so the lenses face the sun. “Scratches, baby.”

“Mm, I forgot. ” you paused, peering up at him. You brought your hands up to cup his face in your hands, rubbing softly against his cheek. “Pretty boy..” You trailed off, taking another, larger inhale.

He blushed at the word and leant down to press a kiss to your own cheek. “You’re the pretty one, Schatzi.” This word made you giggle and you thought back to when you had both heard the word, a smile slipping onto your lips at the memory.

It was last year in Munich for a trip to Oktoberfest. You often took trips together to different countries, taking time to immerse yourselves in the culture and language. Schatzi was a word he was extremely fond of, ever since he had heard it first time he couldn’t resist referring to you as his Schatzi. It means treasure and there wasn’t a better word to describe what you were to him. You were his treasure, through and through. A treasure he cherished and kept safe. Occasionally enjoying flaunting you like treasure as well. You were his and god, he was so in love with you.

“You want?” You questioned before taking a third hit and sitting up, resting your hand on a pillow to keep you up. He knew what you were asking without you having to elaborate. He scooted closer to you and press a kiss to your sweet, open lips. Timothée opened his mouth for you and you blow the smoke passed his lips. He leaned over and exhaled.

You handed him the blunt and pressed kiss after kiss after kiss onto his sweet, smiling lips. You sighed, now returning to your position resting your head against his lap. He inhaled and absentmindedly trailed his fingertips up and down your belly, just enjoying the moment.

You sighed softly and turned onto your side, burying your face into his tummy, black t-shirt warm on your face. Your eyes were starting to feel heavy as you kissed on his tummy, trailing down to just above his belt.

“Mm,” he sighed softly “feels good.”

“You like?” You pressed your face further against him, kissing him again and again.

You pulled away from him and he whined, “what’re you doing?” You sat up and climbed into his lap now, resting your hands on either side of his chest.

“I just wanted to look at you, that’s all.” you chirped, now starting to rub on his shoulders.

He didn’t respond, instead choosing to lean forward, stealing your lips for a soft kiss. You kissed him back, sighing happily against his him. His tongue prodded at your lower lip before snaking it’s way into your mouth, tongue grazing lazily against yours. The feeling of his wet pulsating tongue making slow sweeps through your mouth almost made your high elevate. Before you could think, his arms were around your waist, pulling you closer.

Your hands trailed their way up his chest and neck until they were snaked in his coffee colored hair, tugging sweetly on a few pieces. This drew a lust clouded moan from his throat and it vibrated passed your parted lips.

To your dismay, he pulled away from your lips and relished at the way your saliva dusted lips glistened before him. He forced his gaze away to dip his head down, smoothing gentle kisses along your jawline. “You’re so lovely.” He mumbled against your skin, placing the blunt on the edge of the table.

“So beautiful.” He continued, sitting up to suddenly laying you onto your back. Lingering above you, he ran the back of his hand over your cheek before kissing where it had been. “Such a good girl.”

You shuddered at the nickname and involuntarily, your hips bucked upwards to knock against him. He chuckled quietly at your neediness, happy to help you out, pressing his hips down against yours.

“Good girls get rewards, right?” You queried, eyebrows raising upwards, a lax smile spreading across your lips.

“Yeah.” He said, sitting up to push your shirt up above your chest. “Good girls do get rewards.”

Suddenly you were pulling him back down for a rough kiss, taking hold of his hand to attempt to pull it closer to your heat.

He pulled away just as suddenly as the kiss had started “What is it that you want? Use your words, baby girl.” Timothée drawled lowly, complying with your original non verbal request, dipping his fingers into your panties to drag his middle finger across your clit.

Your eyes scanned your surroundings, darting from building to building. “Out here?” You whimpered, it was hard to hide that the thought excited you.

“Out here,” he affirmed, dipping down to nip lightly at your neck “I don’t care if anyone sees us, then everyone will know that I’m the one who makes you feel good.” He punctuated his sentence with a gentle pinch to your clit, rolling the sensitive skin between his fingers.

You yelped out in pleasure, pushing your hips against his long fingers, “More, pleeease.”

“Patience, mon amour.” He cooed, slowly pressing his finger into your pussy, coating it with your slick as he pulled it out and back in, intently watching your face as he did so.

“No, please.” You pleaded, back arching your into his touch, you quiet moan tumbling from your lips, “Please.”

Timothée idled his fingers inside of you, taking a moment to reach for the blunt and he took a hit before leaning down to return the favor from earlier, shotgunning the smoke into your lungs.

After a moment he finally gave into your wishes and pushed his index finger in along with it, starting to spread and scissor his fingers inside of you deliciously. One of your hands darted up to grip his shirt tightly, legs spreading for him, skirt automatically rolling up your thighs, exposing the crude image of his hand working inside of you, covered only by the thin fabric of your panties. “Uhn, feels so good, baby.” He bit his lip hard at the sight, pumping his fingers inside of you faster, curling them upwards.

“Only the best for my angel.”

Your eyes were squeezed shut, head lolling backwards, rolling your hips against his fingers as you prop yourself up on your elbows. Because of this you couldn’t see how badly he needed some touch too, so he resentfully and selfishly pulled his fingers out, standing to his feet, motioning for you to follow him.

You opened your eyes and whined from the loss of contact, pouting up at him. You stood up hesitantly. You then looked at him incredulously, confused until he spoke up.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Timothée cooed softly, holding out a hand to you “I want to give you something better than my fingers. Is that okay?”

You nodded quickly and put a pep in your step as you followed after him, he motioned to the raised ledge of the balcony. Your eyes grew wide. “Right there?” You gasped, instinctively rubbing your thighs together. The waiting game becoming all too much.

“Mhm, c’mere.” He coaxed sweetly, holding out a hand for you.

You knew you would follow him to the end of the earth if he asked you to, so you were walking towards him before you knew it and turning to press your chest against the rail before you could even process the implication.

Timothée stepped up behind you, pressing himself against your back. He planted kisses across your shoulders and up your neck, suckling the sweet spot behind your ear.

A quiet whimper escaped your lips and you then stood up higher, up on your toes, silently begging him to get on with it.

He ignored your invisible plea and ran his hands up your thighs, appreciating your body for a few moments.

“I love you,” he lamented, playing with the hem of your panties before he pushed them down your ass.

You kicked them off once they fell to your feet and your hands were reaching behind you to tug his sweatpants down, “I love you.” You repeated after him. “You’re so good to me, baby.”

He pushed his hips up against your ass, naked cock rubbing against your aching pussy “You’re so wet for me.” He purred, taking himself into his hands, now rubbing the leaking tip against your entrance.

“Only for you,” you gasped softly.

Slowly he pushed himself up inside of you, sheathing himself completely into your heat. A loud, drawn out moan was dragged out of your lips and you gripped onto the railing.

“One of the reasons I love you,” he grunted, eyes nearly rolling in the back of his head at the initial overwhelming feeling “you’re so loyal to me. So good.”

You moaned out again, your pussy growing more damp as he sputtered words of praise into your ear, hands gripping your hips gently. His pace was agonizingly slow, taking his time with you. He savored the sounds that he was able to pull from you.

No one from the floors below yours could see what was going on, but anyone in the high rises above could easily see the scene unfolding on your balcony. It was a beautiful and salacious sight to see.

Timothée swore he could start drooling any second, cock buried in his absolute favorite place.

“My girl.” His hips snapped forward, almost as if to punctuate his statement, pushing your hair off your shoulder.

“My forever.” Another snap of his hips, and you cried out in pleasure.

“God,” he choked out, “you feel so fucking good. I could fuck you forever.” He grunted over and over again, at each snap of his hips.

A deep blush covered your cheeks. Your pussy squeezed his cock, making it oh so clear that you were more than enjoying yourself.

Just when you thought you couldn’t get any closer he was reaching around to rub fast circles against your clit, he sighed in pleasure at the feeling of it moving around him. The pace paralleled that of his impossibly slow thrusts and the sensation sent you into your first orgasm of the day, walls tightening harder around him, a crude string of expletives and his name falling from your lips and almost onto the street below.

“Oh fuck!” He choked out, now knowing that he definitely couldn’t keep up with the leisurely pace. Timothée reinforced his grip on your hips and abruptly quickened his pace.

His thrusts became desperate and fast. Your body nearly went limp and your head fell back, your wetness sliding down your thighs as you tried your best to push back against him. But it was a weak attempt, thanks to your prior orgasm.

All of a sudden he was taking your thigh in his strong grip, pulling it up higher to get a better angle. He thrusted into you with fervor, guttural and indecent moans ripped through his body and he squeezed his eyes tightly. “Baby, you’re going to make me cum.”

You were too blissed out to even respond, head thrown back in pleasure. He was now rocking his hips against you with urgency, it felt so heavenly he had to cover your mouth with his hand as a scream attempted to escape from your diaphragm, as you came around him again, without warning.

This sent a jolt of intense pleasure through his body and he quickly pulled out of you, grasping his throbbing cock and cumming in thick stripes on your inner thigh.

He slumped forward, panting tenderly. You turned around weakly, holding yourself up by the railing.

Instantaneously he slid down to his knees and wrapped his arms around your mid section, burying his face in your tummy and he sighed, pressing a kiss to your cunt before he helped you find and pull your panties up your shaky legs.

He stayed there on his knees in front of you, “thank you.” He murmured lazily, kissing on your tummy now.

“You want to take a nap now, my stallion?” You giggled, running a hand through his hair soothingly.

Timothée laughed at the name and nodded quickly, tiredness evident in his eyes. “Only if you nap with me.”

You extended a hand to him to help him up to his feet and together you walked back inside your apartment, settling on the couch to take a relaxing sunday nap.

[ga-yuu]

I have been wondering for a while now. What characters from otome have taugh you valuable lessons? Is that characters your favorite or not?

Actually, now when I think about, I was a really horrible person back in school. I was selfish, I loved manipulating people for my own benefit, I was fake and sometimes I break people's hearts without second thought. Now you might be thinking 'Woah! This girl used be an asshole in school.' Yes! I was....and now when I think about it.....I hate myself.

Now that I'm an adult, I think it's not only otome games and anime that played a part in changing me. It's just, once I became an adult I left behind my childish behavior and started....to be a better person.

Usually when I play an otome game, or watch an anime or even a movie, I do end up learning a thing or two but most of the time I forget about the movie after 2 or 3 weeks, but that life lesson always follows me everywhere. Now otome games, has played a big part in my life but I don't remember every otome games story clearly now....but I'll try. Also most of them might not be my favorites!!

Also !!!!!SPOILERS!!!!!

Lance (Nameless) - I learned how to cherish even the smallest thing that happens in my life.

There is a scene if I remember correctly, where Lance was standing near a trash can in the rain and sees a barbie doll in the trash can.

I felt really bad when I saw that. A doll for me used be a thing that never had feelings. Even if break it or throw it away, it would never cry or even curse me(unless it's possessed)

But now, after seeing that scene, I started to put myself in it’s place and I started to feel how worse it was. A doll you loved so much as a kid is now thrown away like a piece of trash.

From then on, started loving everything I have whether it’s a living thing or non-living thing. Even the laptop I used to write this, even the phone I used to play games, even the pillow I cuddle with in my bed are all precious treasures to me and I want no one to even touch them.

This might sound like I’m crazy, but I don’t care. I love everything that my parents offered me and will cherish it till the end.

Also, do I like Lance? Yup. He’s my 2nd fav. of this game!

Soi (Nameless) - Looking at your own self before criticizing others.

Soi might be an extra in the game, but I still loved her every time she showed up. She’s always shown to be a true friend towards Eri(MC) and always liked her for who she is.

I haven’t played the entire game, but in one route, when Eri tells her friends that she has a hobby of collecting dolls and was ready to hear her friends bashing her about being childish and stuff, Soi was very casual about it and didn’t say anything.

When Eri asked if she was weird for having such a hobby, Soi gives a savage reply like “Dude, I already have many problems in my own life to deal with. Why would I want to increase my burden with yours’= too?” or something like.

That was a very good lesson for me to learn. Before you go out and tell people how should they behave or criticize them, first check yourself. Are you a good person? Is your life problems already solved before you go out and solve other person’s problems?”

Seriously, if you have these kind of people in your life, tell them to FUCK OFF! because they’re toxic as hell.

Lucette (Cinderella Phenomenon) - The person you love and trust might not always be a good person.

Everyone has a person they trust and love. For some, it might be their friends, for some it might be siblings, or for some it might be their pets. No one has the right to judge. But the person you trust might not feel the same way for you.

In this beautifully made game, the MC, Lucette is disliked by everyone because she’s rude, arrogant and never trusted anyone other than her mother. But in the end of the story !! SPOILER ALERT!! her mother was the villain in her entire life.

 Her own mother made her not trust anyone, even her own father for her entire life. When she learned about this truth, she was literally heart broken because the only person she ever loved didn’t love her back. But life doesn’t end there. She stands up again and tries to reconcile with her father, stepmother and step siblings.

Going through betrayal and experiencing heart breaks is traumatizing but it’s also a part of learning....you will learn to not trust anyone blindly. Life doesn’t end there, you have to keep moving on and one day you’ll surely find a person you can trust and rely on.

If you’re still alone, then keep a pet. There is no rule that you should only love humans, right?

Sovieshu (The remarried empress webtoon/ interactive game/light novel) - It only takes one small mistake to collapse your entire world.

It takes great hard work and time to create an strong Empire, but did you know that one small mistake is enough to destroy everything in your life. The webtoon Remarried Empress is a right example of that. (If you haven’t read this, I highly recommend it.)

Sovieshu is piece of SHIT! I won’t lie, but he has thought me this lesson. Sovieshu is a Great Emperor along with Navier, who is the Empress of their country. They both were trained to be the king and queen since they were children and both were the best of friends. Even if they were not lovers, they were still married and Navier has always been faithful towards her husband and the entire Empire.

But one day, Sovieshu happened to meet tRashta(slave) and fell in love with her at first sight. Without doing any background check of her past or anything, he brings her home and makes her his concubine. Navier was kinda sad but she didn’t want to show it because she was the Queen and she had to, you know, keep her public image at the top. But Sovieshu on the other hand started becoming abusive and compared Navier with tRashta. Even though Navier didn’t do anything, he  kept on accusing her for bullying tRashta everyday. It’s like he would wait in the corner, hiding, looking at Navier and tRashta interacting and when he see tRastha crying, he comes running to her and starts to scold Navier in front of the whole public. He’s such an asshole. Later he does give her a divorce (stating that she’s infertile) because, tRashta was pregnant with his baby and he didn’t want to make her baby, a bastard because, tRashta is not his wife. But on the other hand, he also didn’t want to leave Navier because she was a perfect Queen in every way. So his plan was to divorce her for one year, and marry tRashta till the baby was born, so the baby becomes the princess. Later he’ll annul their divorce, so by doing this he has both tRashta and Navier. He’s such an asshole.

But Navier had other plans. So right when her divorce was agreed by the priest, she requested for a remarriage. From here own, Sovieshu’s tragedy starts. Later in the story he finds out that, it wasn’t Navier who was infertile but it was him all along. Even the baby tRashta carried was not his. After this betrayal, Sovieshu lost his mental stability and went through severe depression. See! That’s all it takes for your world to collapse. One single mistake is what is needed.

Kurama(Ikemen Genjiden) - What’s wrong with being yourself?

IDK if your family is like this, but my family is like “You have to learn to eat everything. Like vegetables, meat etc etc” with a reason that you’ll be able to live any circumstances.

I would like to say that, I’m a very picky eater. I hate vegetables, especially tomatoes. If I even see one small piece of tomato in my food.....I won’t throw the whole food away, I’ll just take the piece and put it on the side of the plate and also yell at my mom for putting tomatoes in my food. I’m also a vegetarian. I hate tasting meat but I don’t mind eating food in the small table as my non-veg father. Also, unlike my family members, I’m very punctual. (because I’m an introvert and I don’t like getting the extra attention when I’m late!!)

These are just some of the facts of me being me. My family always complains that I shouldn’t choose how I want to be and must always be perfect in everything because I’m a girl and girls are married off when they get older, right? (It’s bullshit.)

The only people who loves me for who I am are my parents. They never once told me to do this or that like my useless uncles and aunts who have never ever contributed anything in my life.

Kurama as a character, I love him, because he is just being himself. He’s like ‘I’ll do whatever I want and no one has the right to stop me.’ 

That quote is so beautiful. I mean, why are you being fake for the sake of being accepted by the society. The people who truly loves you will love you for who you are. Do the things the way you like. Eat what you like, drink what you like, watch whatever you like. If you like anime, and your friend wants to watch sports, watch anime in your phone with your head phones. It’s better than watching sports you don’t like and creating an awkward environment by acting you know every player in the team, right?

No one has the right to judge anyone. If anyone does come and tell you “Hey, you should not do this like this way, but you should do it this.”, tell that person “ I’ll do whatever I want and no one has the right to stop me. “

Yoritomo and Yoshino(Ikemen Genjiden)- Not everyone is perfect.

I never understood what is the meaning behind being a perfect man or perfect human. Does it mean you have good figure on the outside but at the same time you’re toxic as hell inside? or does it mean you’re very intelligent but at the same time you’re socially awkward? 

Not everyone is perfect. Not everyone is good at every single thing and not everyone has to be good at everything.

Yoritomo as a character, always wears a perfect smile indicating others how good he is. But in reality, he’s very lonely and also needs someone to look after him just like anyone else.

There is nothing wrong with being independent and doing everything on your own. But there is also nothing wrong in depending on someone for things you can’t do. If anyone boldly claims that “I don’t need anyone to love me, I’m fine without anyone” it’s all bullshit! Don’t believe in that kind of nonsense.

Even if you’re the king of the world or even if your a roadside homeless puppy, everyone needs love and support in their life. Everyone needs some one they could talk to, even if it’s just trivial.

It will at least give them a small amount happiness even though it doesn’t worth anything. That’s why I’m telling you, if you don’t have a lover or friends or parents or any human being to talk to, adopt a pet or something.

I hope I was able to answer everything you wanted to hear. ヽ(o^ ^o)ﾉ

[youryanderedaddy]

Hey! First off, I wanted to compliment you and your writing, it's amazing and I'm so glad I found this blog.

Second off, could I get some headcanons for Aiden? I already fell for him and I only read this one story xD ((he's best boy))

Thank you in advance and have a nice day 🌸💐

Thanks so much, that's very sweet <3 Also Aiden is terrible oof he's evil 😤👊 hope u enjoy ✌

tw: obsessive behavior, implied kidnapping, mentions of non - con, toxic/abusive mindsets, mentions of derogatory language

Aiden is British, he has been raised in a wealthy family with maids and butlers attending to his every need so it's no surprise that he is used to getting his way no matter what. Despite living in luxury and prestige, the man has been severely neglected by his parents during his childhood, surrounded only with money without any warmth or support. Now as an university student Aiden barely sees his family - in fact he tries to avoid them since their little unions always end up in shouting, bickering and the tears of his younger sister.

Deep down he is desperate to be loved and cherished, but the walls he has built around his heart make it hard to connect to people and form friendships. When he meets you for the first time Aiden thinks nothing of it, he sees you just like the rest of the boring unworthy fuckers in the elite university who got in because of mommy and daddy's fortune. Yet as the time goes by he starts to notice things about you he finds interesting, amusing even. The way you stop to pet a stray kitten even when everyone else is rushing to get somewhere. The way you stand up for your friends even while shaking with fear. The way you wear such weird, pretty clothes in a place where everyone looks the same. The man doesn't understand you but he wishes he did. That's why he would use any means to find out everything about you - from your favourite colour to your mother's last name.

Aiden is not above stalking you. Of course he can instal cameras in your house and learn your schedule along with the route you take to go home, but nothing feels as personal as following you step by step, praying at you, perving into your most intimate moments. It's so cute when you look around or try to change paths, hoping to escape the pair of hungry eyes engraved on your skin and the cold shivers down your spine. Unfortunately for you there is no where you can go that he doesn't know of. That's how his obsession starts.

The man is extremely jealous when it comes to you. He can't stand the idea of someone else touching you, seeing you laugh or cry, making you happier than he ever could. On top of all he is also quite arrogant and finds everyone else inferior and unworthy of your affection. Aiden would call you all the derogatory insulting names in the book if you ever try to get closer to another guy and there is always the chance of him going missing the day after.

Not that he would ever admit it out loud. His methods of persuasion usually come off as rude or aggressive despite his best efforts, but he just can't help it. When you look at him with eyes so beautiful, all wet and pained, Aiden is conflicted. One side of him wants to hide you away so you are forced to love him, while the other wants to torment you for making him feel so small and insignificant with nothing more than a fierce look. "If you wanna act like an annoying snobby brat, I'd have to put you on your knees, doll." He enjoys your pain as much as your joy, but the evil in him usually wins in the end.

The heir wouldn't bother to ask you out or try to show you the real way he feels about you in the beginning. Aiden acts tough but he is so disgustingly scared of you rejecting him and pushing him away, so he waits and bides his time until he can't anymore. The man wants to have you all to himself - both your body and your heart. When he finally snaps, he would take you then and there on the cold floor, leaving you bloodied, bruised all over and crying, while telling you to shut up and just take his cock like the dumb little slut you are. Afterwards he tries to comfort you and hold your used up naked body against his but it doesn't stop the tears running down your cheeks.

After this point you have no choice but to become his lover. You could try to escape or contact your parents, but Aiden's family has too much power and very little legal limits. By the time you have taken a step out of his house he has already made the calls to drag you back screaming and kicking, but to no avail. You are the only one who makes him feel such strong emotions and there is no way he is giving up so easily. Expect a harsh punishment though - only so you will remember to be an obedient little thing next time and think twice before breaking his heart.

At the end of the day Aiden loves you so there will be softer moments when he would just stroke your hair or read you a book he likes. The man might even try to cook for you once or twice despite being terrible at it and possibly giving you both a food poisoning. One moment he wants to treat you gently and treasure you like fine china and the next he is fucking you senseless and making you cry into the pillow. There is no way to win because this isn't your game to play. It's his.

[lejaybleu]

this is gonna be a long one. so, buckle up, laddies.

What Unus Annus Taught Me

Unus Annus meant so many different things, to so many different people. Everyone had different feelings about the end. It was personal, and profound, and heart shattering, the press of that button at the end of the live. I remember I got chills just watching it.

I joined Unus Annus in early March, around the time quarantine started. I shit you not, I found the channel through it landing in my recommended after watching the entirety of Mark's Yandere Simulator series(for no good reason.) That was really fucking lucky, honestly, that I found them then.

Over the course of 2020, and quarantine, and Unus Annus- even though I wasn't there from day 1(it was actually day 127), I grew so much. I watched every single video, following Mark and Ethan as they, and I, became a new person over the course of a year.

I finally can start saying that I'm proud of myself. My past is full of crazy, traumatic shit, and all through my life, even before that, my biggest fear was and still is loss. Loss of not only loved ones, but experiences. Time.

A few years ago, I lost someone very special to me. And it's honestly fucking amazing that I can even say that, because the pain of even mentioning her used to be so bad that my body would basically shut down. But I'm finally able to start to move on.

That doesn't mean it won't hurt anymore, or that I'll forget. I tried to make it so that it wouldn't, that I could erase it all from my mind. But that's impossible, and more than that, she deserves better.

When you lose someone, and it's inevitable that you will, pushing past it and ignoring it will not make it better. Locking away your memories of them, your time with them, that piece of you, will only leave you screaming on the inside, never being able to accept that they're gone.

That was me. But Amy, Ethan, Mark, Evan, Marcus, Rachel, Vincent, Lixian, and everyone else on the UA team changed that. Unus Annus was a self destructing channel. It was a reminder to live your life to the fullest before you die, but also, that everything comes to an end. People. Pets. Youtube channels.

For years, I've battled and am still battling the hopelessness and the guilt and the anger that came with losing my dearest friend. But watching the channel go, and learning to accept that it would, that it did, has helped me so much with accepting that even though she's gone, I still have the memories. A part of her is a part of me. Yes, she is gone. Forever. I will never see her again. But that's okay. I'll cherish my memories with her, and every second we spent together.

And when my time comes, I want to be able to say- I lived my life to the fullest. I made her proud.

I'm so glad I was able to go on this journey with all of you. I'm so glad that we can remember, and treasure the moments we had.

Memento mori.

Unus-

Annus.

[ohmyhera]

A cozy day in New Rome

A/n I know literally none of you asked for this but please accept my domestic solangelo fluff

word count:1,051

It was a cozy day for the couple. Will had just gotten off of classes for the day and had immediately splayed out over Nico’s lap. The brunet boy laughed and ran a hand through his lover's hair, humming softly. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as Nico hummed absently. Will cherished moments like these, when the world seemed to stop spinning on its axis and it felt like they were the only two beings alive.

“You make my world stop”he mumbled and nuzzled further against Nico’s hand. The brunet ceased his humming and scratched at Will’s head thoughtfully.

“Oh?”Nico said, “is that a good thing?”

“It’s the best thing!”Will exclaimed, letting his eyes shut. “My days are so busy and-and sometimes I don’t even get to see you but when I do you just make everything stop...like it’s just me and you”

Nico’s hand stopped scratching and he seemed to sit there frozen all together unknowingly to the blonde who was relishing in the peace. Will only seemed to have a way with words at the most unusual moments. He stumbled over his words when he told the boy he loved him and now he was spitting Shakespeare-like confessions.

“Why’d you stop scratching?”He asked, craning his neck to look at his lover. Nico felt his face flush and resumed petting and playing with the blonde locks of hair. He wanted to return the compliment, to let Will know just how much it meant to him.

“I...your hair is very blonde...it’s pretty,”Nico said and winced the minute it came out of his mouth. He winced a second time when Will laughed, shaking both him and the couch in the process. 

“Yeah?”Will said between laughs, “you like my pretty blonde hair?”

“You know what I meant!”Nico whined, “shoo! No more petting for you!” He pushed at the boys shoulders who reluctantly sat up resting his back against the couch.

“Hmm I don’t think I got the message”He said, pulling his lover into his arms. Nico huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. He would enjoy the hug, but he didn’t have to be happy about it.

“I just wanted to be good with words,”Nico mumbled.

“Ah ah ah”He said, “Speak up”

“I just wanted to be good with words!”Nico snapped, “alright? Now are you done messing with me-“

“Why?”He asked.

“What do you mean why?”Nico retorted, “to show you that I care? To not just sit here and soak up all the praise in this relationship?”

“Baby is that what you think you do?”He asked and cursed him for bringing out the baby card because Nico was blushing again.

“I mean well...yeah”Nico said picking at his nails, “you say the most beautiful things sometimes that make me feel wonderful and I...I can’t do that for you”

“You can’t”He shrugged.

“Wow you didn’t have to agree with me”Nico huffed rolling his eyes.

“But”He prompted, and there was always a but with this one. “You play with my hair and make me soup when I’m sick and cuddle me like the big baby I am”

“Will-“Nico said, but Will was on a role.

“You call me cute little things like Tesoro and caro and bambino,”he said and pulled the brunet closer. “You honestly spoil me because hearing you speak Italian is a treasure in itself”

“You’re so cheesy!”Nico exclaimed and scooted away. He didn’t want to admit the fact that Will trying to roll his r’s was taking the cake for world's cutest thing ever. The blonde laughed and wrapped his arms around the boy dragging him back to his original spot.

“I’m still not done!”he retorted and had the slightly crazy look in his eye, the one that only happens when he’s really excited. “You pack me lunches in the morning,you make me pasta when I’ve had a bad day—baby you shadow traveled us to fucking Japan!”

“Well you said you always wanted to go there!”Nico whined.

“Yes and it was amazing!”He giggled, “you don’t have to be wordy to show that you care, I know that you care and your actions show it-“

“Don’t you dare make me cry Solace or I'll damn your ass to Tartarus, you know I’ll do it!”The brunet shouted, wiping at his eyes. 

“You’re one of the best things to happen to me Nico”He said, “You’re my shadow when the sun gets too much to handle, you ground me” 

And that was what broke the damn. Nico sniffled and started throwing blows at Will’s chest, not enough to hurt him but enough to let the blonde know he meant business.

“Aww baby”He cooed.

“Fuck you!”Nico choked out continuing his assualy, “fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-“

The blonde rolled his eyes and grabbed the brunets fists with one hand and  tilted his lover's chin up with the other. He took the time to get a good look in Nico’s eyes and felt a shudder run through his body. Those dark eyes held so much love and adoration and well Will, he was greedy. He wanted it all. So he took it. He let go of Nico’s hands and brought the other hand up to cup his face. This boy was his,this boy loved him, it’s something he would never get over. He leaned in quickly and Nico wasted no time reacting. This. This was his Elysium. This moment right here made every single hardship in his life feel worth it. He was a child of Apollo, he was meant for love and in this moment he finally understood how blessed he was to have Nico di Angelo. He let out a gasp and pulled the brunet closer, fuck did he need him closer. He didn’t stop until Nico’s body was molded against his and their breath was coming out in harsh pants. The brunet inevitably pulled away and stared at him with wide eyes.

“Fuck me”Nico breathed. Will laughed and flipped them over on the couch making a mental note to add that to the list of reasons he loves Nico di Angelo.

“Love you too baby”

[burnedbyshoto]

Ashido Mina

a/n: so, here’s to the start of my event! sfw is above the cut, nsfw is below it! I’m having a lot of fun with these and I hope you all enjoy :D

SFW

A = Affection (How affectionate are they with a s/o?)

Super affectionate with you. You need a hug, a kiss??? Mina will provide everything needed

B = Breath (What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)

Come out of nowhere and hug her from behind, or plan something super romantic and spontaneous, she’s such a romantic that the more cliche the better

C = Cuddling (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

Mina loves being the big spoon because she loves to bury her nose into your hair. She will cuddle with you whenever you please honesty

D = Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

She wants nothing more than to win a dancing competition with you, or at the very least join one with you

E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

A lot of effort, she’s the type to date intending on marrying who she’s marrying so, you better treat her right

F = Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

She will get a big blanket and roll you up and just hold you, you’re a burrito baby now

G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

she is the type to give you over the top things. think of jim’s present to pam during christmas before they got together… yeah, pretty intimate and intense but something you’ll love.

mina loves a gift in return and she especially loves gifts where she gets to do thinking’s with you!

H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

hugging all the time!!! she loves touching you!!!

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

a total romantic, everything she does for you is done with hearts in her eyes, and she has no issues with prodcasting such love

J = Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

while not one too typical to get jealous because she trusts in you, when she gets jealous know she gets touchy. like stand behind you with her mouth to your neck touchy.

K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

minas kisses are super gentle and sweet, she’s not the best kisser but she’s so passionate about it that you forget. if you go a day without getting at least ten kisses from mina, something’s wrong

L = Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or show it?)

mina doesn’t know what to do when she figures out she loves you. it’s something she’s always imagined feeling but now that it’s real she can only gape like a fish. she’ll accidentally blurt it out before her 10 step plan to confess happens. she prefers to show it then say it.

M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

she wants a full out reception party. she wants the biggest dance floor and the two of you to perform 194930 dances together.

N = Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

mina actually treasures dates where the two of you stay in! the both of you lead busy outside lives that intimate ones indoors resonate deeper within her heart

O = Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)

there’s not much she wouldn’t do for you, but on the rarest of occasions she’ll let you touch her horns.

P =Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

super playful relationship! playing nerd gun fights in pjs at two in the morning! laughter is always echoing in the hallways with you two

Q = Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

she’ll always ask for opinions on things she’s unsure of and will ALWAYS give her own thoughts about it

R = Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

she is a very big on the spot person! not that she doesn’t plan things out, just successwise she has better on the spot events

S = Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)

the two of you nap together more, especially during high school because you both are too nervous at getting caught in the others room overnight!

T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

trusts you completely. if she didn’t trust you, she wouldn’t have ever asked you out

U = Unique (What makes them unique as a s/o?)

how deeply she loves. your hobbies will become her hobbies. it doesn’t matter because mina loves dancing and you do it with her, so you best believe she will do whatever hobby you love the most!

V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

being vulnerable with you is super hard for mina because she’s always just so hyper and cheery, that the first time she’s vulnerable it makes you worry because it’s super super scary to see her sad and horns wilting as if in response. it takes about three months for her to show you this side.

W = Wild Card (Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)

mina loves comparing her hand size with you. whether they’re bigger or smaller than hers, she’s just fascinated by your hands she can’t help but stare and compare.

X = X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

suddenly number 18 in the class is outperforming number 1 in the class. she becomes instant health genius as she does anything to make you feel better

“mina is just a paper cut!”

“if we make it a slightly deeper cut you won’t feel the stinging pain anymore!”

Y = Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

constant negativity. like the yucky kind that drains the fun from everything. she hates that in a s/o so much. like there’s a difference between that and being a pessimist and she sees and understands that.

Z = Zeal (Are they passionate as a s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

she wants and LIKES THE PASSION OKAY?! give mina her ideal love 2k19

NSFW:

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Mina lays there breathing for a full 5 minutes

She is always overwhelmed post sex, just give her a minute

While not the best at cleaning up, she lowkey loves just laying in your guys mess, she will always cuddle and hold you.

Lots of pillow talk

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On herself, mina prides herself on her arms and legs, she’s extremely proud of her natural strength

Mina is a useless boobs gal. 

dangle them in her fucking face p U H L E A S E

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Mina fucking loves it when she can get herself to squirt

Like one you guys figure out how to make her squirt it’s going to happen every time y’all fuck cuz it sorta reminds her of her quirk

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has definitely masturbated to an innocuous picture of you when the two of you went months without seeing each other

never masturbated until the two of you got together tbh

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Is not experienced at all prior to you! Mina is a romantic with a terrible streak prior to you, but she is a fluid person so she nails everything in the bed fast

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Favorite position is kneeling. She gets to hold you tight and full access to your boobs.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Definitely, the lover who goes from super romantic and intimate sex to can barely take this seriously love making

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Always groomed. The second she knew she was gonna fuck you she got that shit waxed. She has a heart strip though, and yes, her pubes are curly and pink

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Sex with mina is very very intimate, even if its in a joking matter. She truly cherishes everything about you and will always try making your sex life as amazing as possible

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Loves masturbating together. Like loves it so much. She loves watching you please yourself while she… ahem… assists you with some toys

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Hair-pulling: she loves having her hair pulled and the feeling of fingers knotting into her curls, degradation: she loves calling you impolite names because of the way you react, roleplaying: LOVES DRESSING UP AND CREATING A NEW PERSONALITY OKAY

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

By far her most favorite place to have sex is in the backseat of a car. It’s risky and hot. She’s addicted.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Physical reactions. Moan for her, move your body and praise what shes doing for you. Also when you wear that one big t-shirt with your hottest lingerie underneath and give her a lap dance

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

DO NOT TOUCH HER HORNS. THE MOMENT THEY ARE TOUCHED SHE’S DONE

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Loves giving more. Only on special occasions does she like having the attention on her, but for the most part, she will spoil you

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

All depends on her mood! She genuinely loves going fast and rough, but on anniversary nights, she enjoys slow and sensual paces

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Is definitely down to have a quickie, she thinks it’s hot, but only once every 2 years. She just enjoys being able to hear you scream as loudly as she can make you scream.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Very experimental! The two of you have designated days for trying out new things just because you’re never too sure

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Mina actually comes really fast, it’s a big reason as to why she prefers focusing on you! But she has good stamina and can last to three full and kinky rounds.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Toys are a must.

Vibrators, dildos, strap on, anal beads.

You think of one, you two own it.

They are very used and will go interchangeably, but are more often used on you

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not that big of a tease actually. Like she may abuse vibrator rights, but it’s not in a teasing way! More like a “i’m trying to make you squirt” way

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

She’s very loud in bed!

Moaning, whining, mewling, and sometimes even begging

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

The first time the two of you had sex, mina came twice in under two minutes. Once because of how your breasts felt rubbing against hers and when you pressed your soaked cunt against her own

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those shirts and pants, picture or words)

Mina is a blessed girl with round perky breasts, probably a dd-cup. her right one is actually bigger surprisingly! And she has inverted nipples. She has larger than average labia

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Went from sorta there to we fuck at minimum five times a week.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Takes her forever to fall asleep, will be awake long after you pass out

[bitchesgetriches]

How do you get through grief? My dog is dying and it’s tearing me apart and I’m struggling to keep moving forward.

OH HONEY. THIS IS THE FUCKING WORST. I’M SO SORRY.

AS FAR AS GRIEF GOES, I’VE LOST THREE PET CHICKENS AND MY GRANDFATHER, WHO WAS MY CLOSEST FAMILY MEMBER. SO A DOG MUST FEEL LIKE IT’S SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THOSE TWO.

EMBRACE THE AWKWARDNESS OF GRIEF. THERE’S NO RIGHT WAY TO ACT TO DEMONSTRATE YOUR GRIEF. THERE’S NO APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF DESPONDENCY, NO STRICT GUIDELINES HERE. YOU JUST HAVE TO BE OPEN TO YOUR FEELINGS, TO ACCEPTING THEM AND ANALYZING THEM AS THEY COME.

YOUR DOG HAS BEEN A PART OF YOUR LIFE FOR A LONG TIME. YOU’VE SHARED MANY HAPPY MEMORIES, AND YOU’VE PROBABLY LAUGHED A LOT BECAUSE DOGS ARE BIG OLD DERP MACHINES AND THAT’S THEIR BEST FEATURE. BUT IF YOURD DOG IS ELDERLY AND DYING... THEN YOU NEED TO ACCEPT IT. YOU NEED TO MAKE EVERY DAY AS COMFORTABLE AND ENJOYABLE AS YOU CAN FOR YOUR DOG. AND YOU NEED TO ACTIVELY REMIND YOURSELF OF HOW MANY GREAT MEMORIES YOU HAVE. I GUARANTEE THAT YOUR DOG LOOKS AT YOU WITH LOVE AND DEVOTION, AND IN THEIR OWN WAY, THEY ALSO TREASURE THOSE MEMORIES.

I HAVE A BOOK RECOMMENDATION FOR YOU: “THE DOG STARS” BY PETER HELLER. I READ THIS BOOK RIGHT AROUND THE TIME MY CHILDHOOD DOG DIED AT AGE 19. AND THERE WAS A QUOTE THAT JUST DISINTEGRATED ME INTO TEARS: 

“They bred dogs for everything else, even diving for fish, why didn't they breed them to live longer, to live as long as a man?”

IT WAS THE MOST RELATABLE SHIT I EVER READ, AND IT CRUSHED ME.

BE CRUSHED. ALLOW YOURSELF TO CRY. FIND SOMETHING SMALL THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND FOCUS ON IT. BUT DON’T EXPECT YOUR GRIEF TO GO AWAY OVER NIGHT. DOGS ARE THE FUCKING BEST, AND THEIR MEMORIES SHOULD BE CHERISHED. 

[studiopoprocks]

Can you do fluff alphabet for Bakugou with a chubby s/o

Bakugo Katsuki Fluff Alphabet

I was a little confused on how I could add body type into the alphabet. So I tried my best to do your request, I hope it’s okay! @ash-the-lover

A - Affection (How do they show how much they care in their day to day lives)

Yes Kastsuki can be affectionate, big surprise. He’s pretty bad with words (unless written) so he tries his best to show how much he cares. He’ll always be right beside you despite how big the room may be, or even pat your head in public with a rare smile on his face. He’s trying his best, he just needs a little more practice.

B - Before (How did they act before the relationship/ what was the relationship like?)

He wasn’t the best with dealing with the fact he had a crush on you. He would yell at you more, but none of his words contained any venom. You kinda just stuck around him anyways. Even before you started dating, he was very VERY protective. Heaven forbit any ass hole degrade your amazing beautiful body, it was lucky recovery girl was there.

C - Comfort (How they act when their S/O is sad)

He instantly turns soft the moment he realized you’re upset. If it’s something another person did, he’ll offer to kill them, then proceed to explain why you’re so much better, and don’t need to even think about them. But if it’s insecurities, his heart breaks. He believes you are perfect, and even out of his league. He tries his best by pulling you into his chest, and saying ‘this heart beats for you stupid’ he’ll make sure to show you how much you mean to him more often.

D - Dawn (What are mornings like?)

This boy goes to be at 9pm, so you know he’s getting up at 4:30am. He’s actually very quite, almost never waking you up as he’s getting ready. On the off chance that he does, he’ll kiss your forehead and tell you to go back to sleep. Although you wake up alone, there is always a warm plate of breakfast on the kitchen table, and a good morning note from Bakugo

E - Embarrassed (How does their S/O make them flustered? How do they return the favour?)

Kiss him on the cheek and he’s out. Bakugo could be screaming, or in the middle of sparing and instantly freeze up if you somehow kiss him. Error Boyfriend has Stopped Working. He kinda just stands there as his face gets redder, then screams ‘OI What the hell was that for!’ But you know he secretly enjoys it, plus he’ll get you back by slapping your ass. Bakugo is a perv, what more can I say.

F - First date (Were did you go and what did you do for your first date together)

This boy did his research. You two would meet up at a nearby park, walking around a little bit before heading to a very expensive restaurant. He’d convince you to split a dessert with him, and you best believe he’s paying for the whole thing. Don’t even attempt, trust me it won’t be pretty. Afterwards you would go see a movie, at one of those expensive theatres that has an arcade inside. It may have taken him 27 tries, but he did get you that plushy you wanted from the claw machine before the movie started. And at the end of the night, he would give you a quick goodbye kiss as he dropped you off.

G - Gentle (How Gentle are they with their S/O? Or do they like to rough house with them?)

Bakugo will be rough. If your his girlfriend, one of the reasons he loves you is because you’re strong, otherwise you’d be too scared of him. It’s usually just rough language, swearing, screaming, just normal Katsuki. He also prefers to spar with you, and you better not expect him to hold back. If he does end up hurting you, he’ll give you one of his famous massages to make up for it.

H - Habit (What do they repeatally do in the relationship?)

His hands like to wander... he says he can’t help it, that you’re just too beautiful, but you know it has to do with him being a bit possessive. It’s not even pervertive most of the time. Often running his hands down your sides, or petting your hair. He won’t admit to doing it, but the playfulness tells a whole nother story.

I - Intreating (What do they find fascinating about their S/O? And vise versa?)

He’s astonished that you deal with him so well. The first time you were able to calm him down, played on repeat over and over in his mind. He doesn’t understand how! It kinda pissed him off because he felt weak, but now he goes to You whenever he needs to de stress.

J - Jealousy (How easily do they get jealous, and how do they deal with it)

He doesn’t want to get jealous, but it just comes with his personality. He feels kinda bad after he basically threatens to kill some guy hitting on you. Not for the fact that he planned on murdering the poor dude, but because he knows you can take care of yourself, and don’t need him butting in. He’s gotten a lot better after the first couple incidents, and often will just glare at the pervs while putting his arm around you.

K - Knick Knack (A random momento they still have from their S/O)

Just like Uraraka and Midoriya, you actually gave Bakugo his hero name ‘ground zero’. You had drawn a funny little doodle of your boyfriend in his hero costume, during class. Three thing were written: ‘Boom boom McSpolde man’ ‘Ground Zero’ and ‘love uwu’. He had taken it from you to look up, but never gave it back. He currently has it on the top of his nightstand, where it’s been since he got it.

L - Location (Favourite place to go on dates)

Arcade or amusement park. Honestly any adrenaline inducing thing he loves. He gets really competitive at the arcade, but will always try to win you something! (Even if it takes 14 tries). He doesn’t like how many people there are at the amusement parks, by he loves having you cling to him on rollercoserts. He will drag you on the scariest one, just so he can ‘protect’ you.

M - Movie (What cliché movie trope has actually happened in the relationship?)

That whole yelling in the rain then someone accidentally confesses, was how you two got together. You honestly didn’t know what was going on with him, and you two started arguing on your way back to the dorms after sparing. ‘All I want is for you to tell me what I did wrong Katsu!’ ‘You did nothing wrong!’ ‘Well something’s wrong!’ Fast forward a bit and he actually ends up saying ‘for some reason I fucking like you a lot!’ Arguing in the rain + confession = kisses!

N - Nickname (What do they call their S/O?)

What he calls his S/O:

‘My idiot’ a term of endearment kinda

‘Babe’ never used at school

‘Fucking perfection’ he’s trying

What you call him:

‘Baku-babe’ in response to him calling you babe

‘Jerk face’ another term of endearment trust me

‘My hero’ yes he almost cried when you first called him that

O - On Cloud Nine (How they act when they are in love/ Is it obvious to everyone around them?)

He’s only obviously about it when he’s actually with you. His full attention with be on you, and the anger in his face has melted away. He looks really civil and it kinda freaks people out when they first see it. Neither of you notice, but he’s always in a protective stance around you. It’s very obvious you’re dating the hot head.

P - PDA (Do they like showing off their s/o, or are a little shy to kiss in public)

It’s either full on makeout session, or no touching what so ever. At school he’s not very affectionate because he wants to focus on being a top hero, and he knows if he even thinks of you for too long, it’s going to distract him for the rest of the week. In the dorms though, almost anything goes. He doesn’t want to talk to someone? He’ll start cuddling up to you, blaintly ignoring them. Deku is pissing him off? Makeout session outside your door.

Q - Quirk (A random ability they have, that’s helpful in a relationship)

Even though he isn’t very good with words, Bakugo will never lie about what he’s saying. He’s so blunt that everything he says is genuine, and 110% his option. Maybe he doesn’t say it in the most classy way, but he means well. Having him be like this prevents insecurities, and trust issues.

R - Rearly (Something they love to do, but it doesn’t happen often)

He loves cloths shopping with you. Hear me out; his parents are fashion designers, so you best believe he’s going to have their skills when it comes to looking good. He loves to dress you up like his own personal manikin, he thinks you have the perfect body for any outfit, and can rock anything he decides to throw your way.

S - Special (Something that only them and their S/O do together)

Horror movie nights. He absolutely hates watching movies with the squad, usually because they talk so dam loud, and they have to pause the movie every 10 minutes! So he’ll only watch with you. He absolutely loves it when you get scared and cuddle into him. He feels like your his missing peice, and you both fot together like a puzzle. He’ll feel bad if you have a nightmare afterwards, but how can he be stop when every time you come to him for more cuddles!?

T - Together (How often do they spend time with their S/O?)

He never thought about having a relationship, so he’s really booked up with becoming a hero. Although you don’t spend much time together, you spend enough time in the same room. Most weeks it’s just lunch, and walking to the dorms together. It’s not a lot of time, but it makes you both cherish the time you do spend together.

U - United (In which way does the relationship become a whole? Marriage?)

Once you start working together, and get into a flow. It would happen close to when he would propose. You both just start to understand eachother, and work well together even in your day jobs. You can communicate without words, making you both successful in whatever you put your mind to. Bakugo may not be the number 1 hero, but you do hold the title of best hero couple.

V - Value (What do they treasure the most in their relationship?)

He treasures the quiet moments you share. He’s so go go go, and always working towards something, that when he gets a break alone with you, he wants to just sit and enjoy you being there. When it’s quite, he feels like he can detach from the world and just exist without expectations. He’d never have these quite moments until he met you, and he’s so so thankful for them, and you.

W - Wish (What do they hope will come from the relationship?)

Honestly he doesn’t know. All he knows is that he wants to be by your side no matter what. He has so many goals for himself, he doesn’t want to put any stress on you or your relationship. So he’s ready to go with whatever you want, because he’s content on just being with you, and being there for you.

X - XOXO (Favourite types of kisses and hugs)

After a long and stressful day so everyday, katsuki will just want to smother you into his chest and stay like that. Having you between his arms grounds him, and he won’t admit it but he loves the smell of your shampoo. He much prefers to do the kissing, just so it doesn’t catch him off guard. So he’ll usually just come up to you and start a full out makeout session to relive any negative energy he has.

Y - Yearning (How do they cope when they're missing their partner?)

Katsuki is a big baby. So if you’re not with him, you best believe he will snap at anyone in a 50ft radius of him. You always calm him down, so being without you puts him into demon overdrive. If you’re gone for a long time, he’ll end up pacing the house, glaring longingly at the spots you spend the most time in. The only thing that helps him get by is the adorable pictures he has of you as his phone screen.

Z - Zeal (Will they go great lengths for the sake of the relationship? What kind?)

Although he won’t turn villain for you, he will kill someone. We all know his threats are empty, but it something were to happen to you... whoever did it would be dead. If he wasn’t able to kill then for some reason, then he would make their life a living hell. He loves you, and no one will ever take that away from him.

[whiskynottea]

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27,  Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35,  Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44,  Chapter 45, Chapter 46, Chapter 47, Chapter 48, Chapter 49, Chapter 50, Chapter 51 Chapter 52

AO3

Huge thank you to my beta, @theministerskat for correcting the same mistakes 53 chapters in without any complaint!

picture by: Kamryn Hinojos

Chapter 53. Dust and Smiles

When I lived in Scotland I missed the sun dearly. Sunny days were treasured, and I found myself smiling without any particular reason when the sunlight snuck between the curtains of my room in the morning.

But sometimes a person can have too much sun. And too much dust stuck to their body. And there is a point when you think of rain and realise a wistful smile has appeared on your face at the thought. It’s the same moment you realise there isn’t an inch of your body not coated in grime.

I reached that exact point on a quiet afternoon in June, two weeks before I left Zambia. Some would say it had taken me long enough.

I was left alone after treating the skin wounds of a couple of five-year-old boys that had gone out ‘to explore’. Their little feet had raised tons of dust as they ran away from the clinic and the first thing that came to my mind was that I was extremely tired of washing my hair every night only to feel it dirty again by noon the following day.

Then, just before the boys disappeared out of sight, one of them turned back to look at me, white teeth stark against his dark skin as he smiled, and waved goodbye.

And suddenly, I didn’t mind the dust that much. I didn’t mind the heat, or how heavy my body felt at the end of each shift. All that mattered was their smiles when they left the clinic.

My three months in Zambia were so full of experiences, I could hardly believe it hadn’t lasted longer. I learned how to talk to people who were in pain, how to heal them or -- when this was impossible -- how to make them feel better. I learned to listen to them, to search their eyes, to read their discomfort or pain in the way they moved. And I learned how a single smile can make your day, how two skinny arms wrapped around your body or two warm hands holding yours can fill your heart to the brim.

Spending my childhood with Lamb, I was used to living amongst people who were different from me. He’d taught me to look at people and see them for all they were. Humans. Different, beautiful, every one a worthy individual.

“All people are the same,” Lamb used to say. “All genuine smiles make the eyes crinkle, all hearts beat in the same way inside our chests, not aware of colour or tribe.”

In Africa, I saw life, and I saw death. I saw the universality of pain. I felt hands squeezing mine in terror and in gratitude. And I felt full. I felt alive.

When I first decided to volunteer I had thought I would find a piece of my mother in Africa. I believed I would discover who she had been, what she had pursued in life. I didn’t. And I wasn’t disappointed, because I had found a piece of myself in the faces I met in Livingstone, and I cherished that. And maybe -- just maybe -- that piece of myself was hers. Passed down to me, together with her amber eyes, an unbreakable part of myself.

Being a volunteer had been a full time job -- and a demanding one at that. But I didn’t want to leave, not yet. I had more to give, there were people here who needed me. But I knew that my time was up. In two weeks, I would feel Scottish air against my skin once more. I would feel Lamb’s arms hugging me for a few extended moments before he would push away to look into my eyes and pet my hair the way he always did. And a week later, I would be at Lallybroch. Jenny had asked -- demanded, actually -- to spend a week or two there. She had enough of the men, she had said when we’d texted. And true to her word to her brother, she had sent me pictures of the estate, in full bloom and beauty.

Jamie would come home after the summer term. We would spend two weeks together before his next term began and I would go to Oxford. To Oxford, where -- unexpectedly -- I would find a familiar face.

Robert.

He had been different since his personal confession. His arrogance and cheeky comments hadn’t abated, but there wasn’t an edge to his voice anymore. It felt as though he needed someone to know his story, even if that someone wasn’t a friend, even if it was just me. He clammed up after that and never talked about his mother again, apart from the time he’d told me it was her wish that had brought him to Zambia as a volunteer.

We started, however, talking about literature. One evening I found him reading that fantasy book I had finished a few months ago. And when the conversation turned to our future plans after Zambia, he had looked down at me with a smirk and proudly announced that he had been admitted to Oxford University. I’d almost spit my pineapple juice out and onto his face. After that, our expectations and dreams of studying at Oxford became the most common topic of our discussions. Robert would be studying economics, expected to inherit and work in his father’s wine business in Provence. That was a relief. The last thing I wanted was to have the self-centered, competitive French on my heels through medical school. From what I had learned about him in the few months we lived together, he didn’t like being bested by anyone. And neither did I.

Jamie was the first to know I had found a fellow Oxford student in the middle of Africa. He and I had been texting and sending photos all the time, and I kept changing my screen background, choosing the funniest of the pictures he sent me. My favorite picture of him though, was the one he had sent me right after I arrived in Zambia. He was wearing a wide, silly grin as he sat in the bleachers of Michigan Stadium, my Wolverine amongst the blue and yellow sea of other students. He had sent it together with a text, shouting, “MY FIRST SPRING GAME!”

Boys.

Despite the selfies Jamie sent me every day -- in class, on his way there, before training holding the towel I had bought him, or tucked in with his blanket at night in bed, my favorite part of the week was when I saw him during our calls every weekend. I was always trying to take in every detail of him during our video chats -- his beautiful eyes, the way his curls moved as he excitedly gesticulated, his voice.

I missed him and I knew he missed me too. Even when John was present in their dorm and Jamie wouldn’t say it, his longing was obvious in the way he looked at me.

Two weeks and I would be at Lallybroch, in Jamie’s room. It made no sense for me to fly straight to Michigan with Jamie having his final classes and preparing to sit for his spring term exams. I had looked for tickets to visit him right after the exams, but the fares were too high to even consider it.  

We had agreed that it was not the ideal situation but okay nonetheless. We would survive it. At least, once I was back in Scotland, we would be able to call each other every day. As John had said, laughing, the force of the internet would be with us.

Jamie would come home at the end of August, after his summer term, and we would be at Lallybroch together, spending every single minute with each other.

“We have to make up for so much lost time,” Jamie had said to me during our last call, and the glint in his eye was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.  

A text on my phone brought me out of my reverie and I realised that I was still standing under the sun, alone, looking towards the far end of the road.

I found myself doing that a lot lately.

Scot: John’s cousin is a pain in the ass.

Sassenach: Hello to you, too.

Scot: Hi babe. John’s cousin is a pain in the ass. She called him, woke us up, and she demands that we pick her up from her hotel and show her around.

Sassenach: Well, she came to visit. Makes sense, no?

Scot: It. Is. Too. Early.

Sassenach: It’s 1 pm here!

Scot: You’re not helping. It’s 7 in the morning. Maybe I can send her there, then?

Sassenach: Is that the cocky cousin or the nice one? I doubt they’ll like the dust we have here, in any case.

Scot: The cocky one. Can I come there myself? Please?

Sassenach: Why aren't you on your way, already? :P

Scot: Don’t tempt me.

Sassenach: I don’t have anything to do right now.

Scot: We didn’t send you there to relax under the sun, Sassenach. Get that gorgeous round arse to work.

Sassenach: It seems I’ve healed all of Zambia.

Scot: So humble.

Sassenach: Always. I took lessons from the best.

Scot: Fuck you.

Sassenach: What? Since when are you talking like that? I need a selfie to make sure it’s really you.

I spent a whole minute wishing his selfie to load faster, but I ended up with a sleepy Jamie on my screen, which was worth the wait.

Sassenach: So it is you. These Americans are rubbing off on you, no? AND I DON’T MEAN IT LITERALLY. Also, fucking seems a bit difficult right now, seeing as you’re half a planet away.

Scot: But I’m ready, you know, right now.

I could almost see his pout and the challenge in his eyes when I closed my own, and I felt my cheeks turn red.

Sassenach: Okay. Shut up!

Scot: DAMN WAIT TILL I SEE YOU AGAIN. JUST WAIT.

Sassenach: Oh I’m looking forward to that.

Scot: Aaaaargh

Sassenach: Eloquent. Now get dressed, go get John and Hector, and show the girl around. She came all the way from Penrith to see Ann Arbor.

Scot: I just don’t get why I have to go, too.

Sassenach: John is your friend. This is what friends do. I spent all Saturday afternoon shopping with Louise.

Scot: I hate you.

Sassenach: Me too. Send me pictures?

Scot: Always. You too. Actually, I need one right now.

I took a picture of my dirty dusted face and sent it to him, grimacing when I saw how sloppy I looked.

Scot: You’re so tanned, I want to lick you.

Sassenach: Believe me you don’t. I’m dirty.

Scot: DIRTY? OMG STOP TALKING. I’m hard already and I have to get dressed.

Sassenach: You are ridiculous. Have I ever told you that?

Scot: Only a million times.

Sassenach: Good!

Scot: I’m going to take a cold shower AND CERTAINLY NOT THINK OF YOU.

Sassenach: I wish I was there with you.

Sending that, I actually snickered. His reply came in milliseconds.

Scot: You are a heartless, dangerous woman.

Sassenach: And yet you love me. Now go shower.

Scot: I do love you. And I’ll prove to you how much once I get my hands on you, you tease. Ttyl!

Raising my eyes from the screen, I saw Louise looking at me.

“You know I can tell when you’re texting Jamie, from that silly smile on your face?” she asked, keeping her arms crossed in front of her chest as if judging me.

“What can I do?” I didn’t try to hide my smile. “I found myself a good one.”

Louise nodded and came to stand next to me. A moment later a heavy sigh left her lips, and I noticed the shadows in her eyes. “Margaret was crying again. I tried to talk to her, but she won’t listen. She’s leaving next week and she doesn’t want to go back.”

“Makes sense.” Louise’s mood had been bad the last few days. “The moment she’ll be back, she’ll have to deal with reality. He won’t be there, and there will be no way to escape.”  

“She keeps talking in her sleep. She’s having weird dreams, you know.” Louise twisted her rings absentmindedly, not looking at me.

“I know. I woke her last night because she was murmuring and thrashing about. Jeremy was awake too, and we kept her company until she was settled again.”

“I’m sorry to see her go, especially knowing she’s still so unstable. I think her family isn’t supportive and that terrifies her even more.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Two of the volunteers I got to know had come to Zambia carrying a great emotional load and needing a chance to escape. They were trying to heal themselves through healing the others. The universality of pain, all over again.

“Charlie called me.” Louise changed the subject, this time with a smile. “He said he misses me.” She rubbed her hands against her thighs, awkwardly, but met my eyes when I turned to look at her.

“Rather convenient, wouldn’t you say? Seeing as you’re going back home next week.”

“Not all of us are strong, Claire.” Her voice was harsh and I bit my lip, regretting being so straightforward.

“You know better, I guess.”

Louise sighed again. “I wish I did, actually. I don’t know what to do when I get back to Paris.”

I placed my hand on top of her shoulder and squeezed lightly. “You don’t need to decide right now. You can meet him, see what he has to say, how he’ll explain himself.”

Louise nodded, sleek brown locks of hair escaping her loose ponytail. “I wish we were as strong as you and Jamie are. Everything would be simpler.”

“Well, it’s not like everything comes easy and we don’t try at all. We’ve just decided that being together matters the most, and we’re not sacrificing what we have just because we’re not close. We’re both stubborn and it helps -- thus far, at least.”

My phone vibrated against my leg, and I unlocked it to see a picture of Jamie and John rolling their eyes, and a girl in the background.

Sassenach: Out, already?

Scot: Yeap. She’s fourteen but she’s so bossy I think John is afraid of her.

Sassenach: And you?

Scot: I’m being a good friend, as I was advised to be. I already regret it.

Sassenach: Where are you?

Scot: Out for breakfast. She had the longest order I’ve heard in my whole life. She actually ordered something from the menu and then changed every little bit of it. It was embarrassing.

Sassenach: Leave a good tip.

Scot: We will! Hector turned red as she kept going on and gave the waitress a shy smile.

Sassenach: I wish I was there, sitting at another table just to make fun of the three of you.

Scot: Believe me, babe, if you were here I’d sit right next to you at a table in another cafe.

Sassenach: Drama queen.

Scot: You haven’t met wee Geneva yet.

Sassenach: How come she visited without her parents?

Scot: They had promised her this trip if her grades were good. They were. She’s really smart, actually. It makes her more of a pain in the ass.

Sassenach: Maybe the three of you can teach her something, you know? Humility, for example.

Scot: Not a chance.

I stuck my tongue out, took a selfie and sent it.

Scot: Don’t you show me that tongue because I have dreams about it. And I hope you’re there alone.

Sassenach: I’m with Louise! She says hi!

Scot: Hello Louise! Take care of Claire for me, okay?

Sassenach: You realise I’m still the one reading the texts, right?

Scot: Just read that one aloud.

Sassenach: I’m capable of taking care of myself, thank you.

Scot: I know. My strong and stubborn lass. John looks desperate and Hector is huffing. I’m going to save them from their misery because I’m a good friend.

Sassenach: The best! Go save them, my gallant lad!

I huffed a laugh and turned my focus back to Louise. “It was quiet today.”

“Mmmm.” Her eyes were closed, her face relaxed under the sun.

“Whatever happens with Charlie, you’re going to be fine,” I said, using my most reassuring tone.

“Mmmm.”

I decided to join her and close my eyes for a bit, but an elderly woman and her daughter came into view. “Well, don’t blame me for that,” I murmured and nudged Louise, who opened her eyes, saw the patients, and shot me an accusing glance.

“Hello,” she said as she turned back to the women, and we both rose from the bench.

Who knew what waited for us once we got back to normalcy. For now, we had work to do.

Chapter 54

[alitheamateur]

The Grind- Chapter 22

Warnings: NSFW. Explicit sexual content. Language.

The deep valleyed cut of his abs smashed to my own femininely toned core as he carried me around his waist in meaningful steps toward what I assumed was his bedroom. I loosened my boa constrictor like clasp around his torso, thinking for a moment I may have a heard him choke for a deep breath before we he kicked open the unlatched wooden door. Once we entered the light gray walls of his private room, he turned blindly and my protruding vertebras rolled on the unforgiving drywall beside his dresser. One palm petted my backside over the stretched latex of my black shorts, while its mate balanced him flat to the wall slightly above my head that was swirling erratically with the rhythm of his mouth.

“I have thought about this every damn day for the last year you wasn’t around, Liv. These legs squeezin’ the fuckin’ life outta me…” Colton looked at me with the same fiery fury he exhibited when entering the cage. 

My shirt discarded somewhere on his kitchen floor, and his now being pulled almost angrily over his head by me, allowed our sweating flesh to mingle into a sinful concoction.

“You sure, baby? I swear to God, I wouldn’t rush you into anything,” he politely contested.

“I’m sure, Colt. So, so sure.”

The three words were his vivid green light. I lightly closed my lids as my eyeballs rolled delightfully into the back of my head when I hit the feathery top of his assumingly expensive king size mattress. Strangely, he chose pulling my probably terribly smelling hair from the confines of an elastic hairband as the first item on his current to-do list. I shook like a wet, freshly bathed retriever, trying to beautify my hopeless locks, wanting to appear as sexy as possible for him in our first bedroom reunion. The last remnants of deodorant after our run, and the “vanilla” solid black bikini panties I wore, already miserably crashing that party, however.

Colton didn’t seem to be bothered one bit though, as his sucked raw, red teeth marks along my ribs, suddenly surprised at his meeting with my own tattoo from our break from each other.

A grazing, splendid finger traced the length of the black, sharpened pencil illustration down the side of my body starting due west of my breast. “It suits you,” he whispered through licked lips. “And you suit me.”

He hiked a hand up my southern cheeks, to duck into the waistband of my bottoms, and I slightly eased my weight from the bed to assist him in sliding them off from the back. My running shorts thrown to the side, left me now shivering in only thin underwear. Colton looped thru the leg holes, then looked to me, and tore the material in half right off my trembling body.

“Hope those didn’t cost ya’ too much, baby.”

A whiny moan of pleasure jumped from my chest when I felt strong, manly hands instantly probing the searing entrance between my thighs. Colton’s left hand massaged woefully slow on the space of my hip subtly, while the right painted careful strokes amid my aching lips.

His own hot breaths matched the temperature of my sex when he brought his nose level to it. “Can I kiss you, baby? Here?”

Unable to fathom any display of appropriate behavior at this point, I nearly yelled a scratchy growl of approval, and pulled him by the cold, damp strands of his hair to the midpoint of my gaping legs. The talented darts of his tongue, and teasing pecks of his lips two familiar feelings I never wanted to live without ever again.

“Colton, yes! Damn it..” I hissed through grinding teeth. He was like craving that could never become fulfilled.

“Open your eyes, Liv. I want you to look at me. Watch me make you come.”  He said through gritted teeth. His directions were stern, and darkly delicious in every way. Leaving me no other choice but to do exactly as commanded.

After what seemed like several unsteady, panting fits, Colton kept to his word, and rendered me with a paralyzing release, punctuated with his own smile of pride and perversion.

“That never gets old. I missed your taste, girl.”

“I need you, baby. Right this minute, please. I need to feel you.”

Did you just…beg? You begged like a detoxing fiend. Let’s try and hold on to a shred of dignity here, Liv.

My hands instantly pawed searchingly for the traps of stone that sat like mountains at the base of his neck as he predatorily crawled atop my still writhing body. They were my favorite place to hold onto as I rode him out like a hurricane wave. In an instant, graceful kisses fell down the crook of my neck, and around lobes of my ears, inhaling me, and I heard his precious admittance of love and longing spew like the Trevi fountain.

“I love you, Livvy baby. I don’t know how I ever let myself live without you. Fuck, I would die right here, and I promise I’d die with a smile.” He voiced hissed like the smooth smoke of a wildfire.

Boy, oh boy was he spreading it thick like smooth, buttery cement. I planted my hand over the sensitive skin where my awarded tattoo rest on his arm, savoring the fact that it, along with every other notion from Colton Ritter, meant that he was mine. The man was explicitly, unforgivingly, unashamedly mine. No matter what conniving demons dwelt within the darkest slums of his very being, he belonged to me, and nothing would change that. He wouldn’t allow it, and neither would I.

As we fused and curled into one thrashing mound of flesh and he pushed inside my walls, a tear rolled from the duct of my eye to soak into the comforter beneath my sticky hair. He filled me emotionally, mentally, and so pleasingly physically. His hands weaved deeply into my mane on both sides of my head, as he sank his lips into the fleshy globes on my chest. Feeling his perfect fingers all over my body like this felt like a cherished return. His body was built to destroy any enemies that may arise, and inflict painful chaos. Yet, here he was hovering over me so tenderly as if my body was fragile, fine china. Delicate touches and warm caressing hands molded against all my edges.

Colt bit over the throbbing pulse of my neck, and his paces increased with the cadency of my heart. He closed his eyes every so often, and I smiled at the way his long lashes shadowed onto his cheeks. White noise overtook the room as our words halted, and only breaths and thrusts made us look alive. I shuddered as he looked downward to inspect the way my slit looked hugging his length in entrance, and exit. The more he grunted, and murmured my name, the more I wanted to milk his own release from him, and if he kept grazing my deep walls in that same treasured spot, that’s exactly what would happen. His member felt like steel, sewed into plush velvet.

“Right there, Colton. I’m almost… mhmmm..”

“I love watching what my cock does to you, baby. You look so fuckin’ perfect when that face gets all blushed and soft after I make you come. Kiss me. ” He told me, but proceeded with the very action himself before giving me the chance.

That “blush” on my face is partially from the downright obscene things you so casually say to me, Colton. This Indiana girl needs a minute to process your boorish slang! But you love it, don’t even deny. You’re a scoundrel now, Elliott.

The chaste brush of a singular kiss ended almost as rapidly as its beginning before those predicable curses of orgasm screamed out of him. “Fuck… fuck! Livvy, your body is so… damn it. Every single… damn it. Fuck.”

Shouldn’t that be offensive? Liiiiiiike, I at least deserve a complete sentence of obscenities, Ritter.

I felt as if every particle of energy I had in me exited through the explosive orgasms he so kindly gifted me in our sexual homecoming. My spirit felt bright like the yellow of a daisy, or the perfect pink of a ripe watermelon. It was a revival of spirts that shocked my heart back to life.  

“Do you just challenge yourself to see how many expletives you can shout during sex?” I snickered, rubbing my hand over the tread marks of sweat rolling down his back over my claw marks.

“What can I say? My girl just brings out the best in me.”      

 I slept at his place that night, the open-house tour at my new apartment would have to wait. Almost smothered into the bear-hug embrace of his unbreakable muscles, I slept unmoved all night long. Aside from the drawn-out bathroom break around 3 a.m. that predictably led to him being woken by my blind stumbles in the dark, and needing another dose of his addiction between my legs. I didn’t startle from a deep sleep with hallucinations of his ghostly form sleeping next to me, or wake up and yearn for his warm body next to me under the sheets. I had both of those things. In fullness of reality, in the flesh. No more visions or dreams of fond memories, or nightmares of what could’ve been. We had found that road back to each other, and there were more memories to make.

I awoke, nude, alone in a tangled array of passion-soaked sheets, to the sound of a grinding blender, and an aroma perhaps to be eggs cooking. Checking the mirror briefly for matted, morning eye gunk, I adorned myself in a crumbled t-shirt I found in the arm chair beside his bed, then let my nose follow the scent of my probable waiting breakfast.

As I walked barefoot through the morning lit halls, a tingling yet, enflamed throb pulsed with my steps. It was the familiar ache of a night spent with Colton, and I smiled euphorically, welcoming the sensation.

“There she is! I was about to come wake your lazy ass up. You gotta eat so I can get you home and changed for work. Hope you don’t mind, I texted Ryan from your phone tellin’ him you’d be a little late to work this mornin’. I wanted you to sleep.” Colton turned away from the stovetop, serving up a healthy plate of scrambled egg whites, and two tomato slices.

He was covered only in thin shorts, and apparently a pair of tight-fitting briefs that peeked out around the waistband.  His eyes were a bit puffy, and still glazed from sleep, and again, freshly showered I concluded from the smell of his mountain musk soap. He smell was an unforgettable aroma of home. “Dig in, and I’ll put your protein shake in a cup for you to drink on the way.”

“Colton Ritter. Domesticated. I never thought I’d see the day. Should I buy us matching aprons?” I bit into a piece of the ripe tomato, catching an explosion of juice from running down my chin.

“Domesticated in the kitchen, maybe. The bedroom? Another story.  Isn’t that right you filthy, begging girl?” He sarcastic chided as he stood behind my chair, lifting my knotty hair into a fist, then kissing the back of my now exposed neck.

I recalled then the embarrassing amount of times that I’d whispered “please,” or “don’t stop,” the night before in our torrid exchanges.

“You created this monster, babe.” My head relaxed into his standing body behind me, and I winked up at him, menacingly.

TAGS: @torialeysha @eap1935 @littleluna98 @mollybegger-blog

[carriageofaerietails]

% - Shawn

Lazy Role Player’s Symbol Meme

% - Write a drabble of our muses

@tearedflesh

A cheerful hum, thesound of a perfectly geared playlist and the warmth of the settingsun through Brighton home windows – the scene was idealistic andwonderfully domestic. For millions of people around the world, it wasjust as they might imagine Shawn McLaughlin to be; the scent offreshly brewed coffee filling the lounge of his home. He was theprecious bean, the icon of positivity after all, and he seemed to beradiating joy. Not everything was fake once the camera was off.

It was like the worldhad rewarded him, as if all of the pieces of his jagged puzzle lifehad somehow slotted into place. A week or so ago, Shawn might nothave thought so. In fact, he had thought the opposite as he hadstared his latest victim in the eye: blood raining from the edges ofhis surgical table, bits and pieces of slashed innards covering everysurface and piece of clothing he wore. Even with all of the damage,with the drugs and with the literal stuffing he'd shoved inside ofher.... She had kept breathing, kept suffering, hanging onto thethread of life even as she begged him to finish her. Shawn hadthought he'd finally lost it, that if he wasn't having a psychoticbreak then something from Hell itself was punishing him. Now, he feltlike all of his horrific endeavours had rewarded him.

Never again did he needto feel lonely, never again would he doubt his purpose in life or hisactions or self. No, this girl – Mireya – truly was the miracleshe was named for. Whether of light or dark, some kind of magic waskeeping his project alive. This beauty was some kind of divine, aneternal doll for Shawn to cherish, and it was like he truly feltalive for the first time. He understood why people had pets now, whythey endured shitty relationships – having something, someone tolove was the best thing in the world.

Did he know what lovewas?

His humming continuedas the curtains were drawn to the outside world, Shawn's houseperfectly secured before he went down the basement stairs. Openingthe door to his little lab of horror, Shawn crossed the thresholdinto another dismal room. It was relatively clean but sparselydecorated, and on a mattress on the floor was his favoured treasure:a slender woman, almost as pale as the dead, messy hair a vibrantyellow and glazed over eyes a chocolate brown. She looked distant alot these days, even as her gaze shifted to rest upon him. A lot ofdrugs and a shattering of reality did that to a person.

“Good evenin',darlin'. Fancy seein’ you here?” Shawn's voice was chipper as hecrouched down, reaching to pull the living doll into his arms with abit of effort. She didn't weigh much, it was just awkward, even whenshe lacked the energy to squirm. He scooped her up, nothing butfondness in his expression, even as Mireya's brain began to work. Shewas afraid, but that was alright. He had always revelled in fear.Mireya didn't answer him, but the quiet was reassuring, the gamercarrying on the conversation alone. “Here we go. I was out today,and I saw some things that made me think of you! So, I thought, wecould have quite the night together. Playtime and presents, how aboutthat?” He glanced down at Mireya, and his smile might have madeanyone else's heart melt. For the poor thing in his arms, it incitednothing but dread.

With noone else alivein his little shop of horrors, Shawn shut the door to but didn'tproperly close it, taking Mireya to the bathroom first. It was a bitof a chore, but she was worth taking care of, There was a subtleintimacy, too, of coursing his hands through lathered hair andsplashing the scented water over her skin, She would smell lovelyafterwards, and that was perfect for this, putting Mireya in someelegant white lingerie he'd picked up at one of the pretty labelstores. Unlike most men, Shawn didn't feel embarrassed or uneasysurrounded by all the delicates. Besides, if he didn't act like acreep and expressed joy over buying presents the love of his lifewould appreciate, the store clerks would be impressed, wouldn't they?They seemed to be.

Back downstairs theywent, and he set Mireya on the soft living room carpet, having Alexago through more chill music to set the mood. From the fridge he tookout a bright plastic Disney bottle he'd gotten for Mireya, setting itcarefully in her hands so she could sip from the straw. Her strengthdeviated from hour to hour and day to day, and he quite franklywasn't going to risk her smashing a glass on him or anywhere else.

“So, those clothes ofyours were getting pretty nasty, and they didn't live up to yourstandards, in my opinion.” Shawn began. He was surrounded by bagsfrom different shops, a lot of brands that the American girl had onlyperused briefly during her short amount of freedom in the seasidetown. Ironically, Mireya'd never had much income, and so herstandards for a lot of things and care for fashion weren't too high.“So I thought, I'd spoil you and we could do a bit of dress up. Wecould even put on some Youtube tutorials, and I'll try and do yourhair and make up! What d'you think?”“... Uh. Sure.” Mireyasaid timidly, lips releasing the straw. Just the smallest, positivepeep from her had Shawn beaming from ear to ear. For a psychoticcannibal, he looked like innocent sunshine a lot of the time. It wasunnerving when one knew Shawn's true nature.“Perfect! How aboutwe start with...” The bags crinkled as he rifled through, stoppingwhen he pulled an expensive and airy sundress to show off. It wasblue and decorated with cream and bronze florals. “This one! It'seven blue, which I know is your favourite of colour. And I even founda cardigan for when it gets cold in yer room!”“Oh. It'spretty. I like it.” Mireya replied, and she did mean it, even ifshe wasn't as spirited. If she was going to endure this mess, shemight as well play along. Keeping Shawn content tended to make herlife easier, too, even if getting under his skin was sometimes worththe consequences that followed.“Great! Let's help you in.” Heset the cup aside and hoisted Mireya onto the sofa. It was a biteasier when she was willing to cooperate, moving her arms through theholes and such. Shawn zipped up the back, and Mireya strained to moveso she was sat up. Her whole body felt like jelly... Or like it wasmade of wool. That'd be closer to the truth now. “You lookstunnin', princess! Just like I thought you would! I even got...”He crouched down, fishing out some accessories for his toy: abronze-ish bracelet and necklace set, and a little white bow hairbandto pop on top.

“Breathtaking. See?Isn't this fun? Aren't we havin’ a boatload of fun?!” Shawn laughed out loud,showing all his teeth in a big smile. The doll smiled amicably as sheagreed, and he took her head in both cheeks to place an adoring kisson her forehead. “I've got an idea! You wait here and I'll be backin two shakes of a lamb's tail!” The captor rushed from the room,excited enough he might burst. Wouldn't that be a miracle of its own?

Shawn didn't see thefacade fall, didn't see the joy fade from his treasure's eyes in hisabsence. Brown eyes darted around the room. If only she could move,but even these little things exhausted the marionette, unable tobreak from her strings or this nightmare. The door wasn't far. Ifonly, if only--!!

“Honey, I'm back!”Shawn announced, returning with a professional camera. Mireya smiledat him dreamily. God, she was tired. He couldn't risk having picturesof Mireya on the phone that he used day to day, but this he didn'teven connect to the internet. “How about we have ourselves a littlephotoshoot? You're a perfect model! Here,” He moved over tomanipulate her, satisfied only when she was centered just right onthe sofa, the skirt of the dress smoothed out, feet pointed eitherside and an equal width apart with her legs together. Arms in herlap, arms at her sides, head set up and tilted; a multitude ofexpressions and outfits. Make up and no make up, poses galore. Shawnwas carried away in his little fantasy land, chattering away with theminimal responses and acknowledgements. They were enough though, thesmallest thing feeding his ego and love for her, reassuring him thatall the struggles and slogs of the upkeep were worth it. By the timethey were done, Mireya was utterly wiped out. Shawn made sure toremove all of the make-up, not wanting her face to break out and riskmarring his flawless canvas, and finished the dress-up game with alittle nightwear romper he'd purchased: black with cute patterns andbows on the straps.

“There. Damn, it'sgotten late!” Shawn noticed with a chuckle. His smart watch read tobe past midnight. “Let's watch some TV to wind down and then headto bed for the night. What do you think?”“Sounds good to me.”It didn't..“Alright.” He put the bags out of sight of anywindows and doors for now, figuring he could tidy up proper in themorning. Shawn would need to get some furniture for dolly's room sohe had somewhere to store all of her new clothes and the toys andornaments he was amassing for her. It was very much like that housegame, building his project and her environment from scratch, andShawn found it therapeutic and something he took pride in. Shawn puta glass of beer on a coaster, out of range incase a sudden rebelliousturn had it kicked over, and set Mireya on his lap with the big TVplaying one of the many shows he needed to catch up on. Video gaming,killing and caretaking took up a lot of his time. In no time at all,Mireya had fallen asleep against his chest. Brushing blonde bangsback with careful fingers, Shawn kissed her cheek, admiring histreasure for a few soft moments before looking back to the horrorshow in front of him.

This would lastforever, he would make fucking sure of it.

[ravage-my-mind]

26-11-2018: Our Story, My Words

I still remember everything so clearly. That one evening I decided to scroll through my Tumblr activity and there I saw your follow. I decided to check you out and found out that you weren’t too bad looking. Your blog wasn’t exactly my taste, but I was like “what the hell, let’s just follow her”. After that, I decided to shoot a message. Why I did that? I don’t know. I just felt like sending you a message, expecting to just exchange a message or 3 and then never hear from you again. But that wasn’t the case. Since we started chatting, we kinda never stopped. I decided to give you my number at the end of our Tumblr convo, because I felt like you were easy and fun to talk to (and yeah, you’re hot so that’s just a nice convenience). On one friday, you randomly brought up that we could videochat. I was scared, cause well, I’m not that good with strangers and talking (weird how things change, huh?), but I was like “what the hell, let’s just do it”. You had a late shift, so you came home around 11, I think. I skyped with my best friend earlier on that day to test if everything worked and to soothe my nerves. And then the moment came: The webcams went on. The moment you appeared on my screen, you smiled and I could feel my heart drop. I felt something. We talked and talked. I don’t even know what we were talking about, but everything was exciting. At some point, you said “but Joyce, we can also meet up”. Without hesitation, I said “yes”. I had to meet you. I wanted to meet you.  A couple of days to a week or something went by and then, it was the 3rd of May, 2016. You were going to pick me up when you got off work and we were going out for dinner. I don’t think I’ve ever been that nervous. Hours went by and I waited and waited and there you were. The doorbell rang. I opened and I was just speechless. It felt like “oh finally, there you are”. I felt this instant connection when I looked at you and boy, I got scared. You greeted me with a hug, I said bye to my mom, brother and dog and off we went. In the car, you were talking about your job and that you were going to work out of the country and I just loved listening to you. The way you talked was captivating. We arrived at the restaurant and got to sit in a cute booth. Of course, we talked. Again, I can’t remember what we talked about, but everything was exciting. Talking to you and being in your presence was exciting. At some point we were playing around and I think we were joking around about kissing and I said “come and get it”, to which you replied “bring it’. Without hesitation, I decided to kiss you. It felt like our souls intwined. There was an undeniable connection and chemistry I felt from that kiss. It was almost like magic. Your lips on mine. That was all I needed to feel. Hours went by and I think right before the restaurant closed, you brought me home. The drive to my house went by so fast, yet so slow. You were holding my hand and things just felt right. Like, really right. When we arrived, you walked me to my door and we shared an amazing kiss again. We said bye, you grabbed my ass and I walked inside.  A couple of weeks went by in which we hung out a couple of times and then we were going out with your friends. I was really excited about meeting your friends, even though my social anxiety kinda kicked in. We had kind of a pre party and everything was fun, but people kept asking if we were “official” yet and it started to bug me. Although I wanted to take things slow, I kinda really wanted to be your girlfriend, because I knew I didn’t want anyone else. We kinda had a situation about it, but things calmed down. Then we went out. It was the first time we went out and I remember having such a great time. Your friends were awesome and I got to dance with you. I always loved dancing with you. At some point, I just decided to drop the question. I asked you to be my girlfriend. You said yes and I couldn’t be any happier. It felt like I found a long lost treasure. Like I won the lottery. This part of the story is kinda funny, kinda sad. The day after, we were talking about it and you suddenly felt uncomfortable by the way the question got asked. Like in a club, we had a couple of beers. You didn’t want that to be the way we got “official”. I was upset, but I was like okay, then we’ll plan a better moment. Out of pettiness and hurt, I thought “you should be the one to ask now though, no way I’m going to ask and get denied again”. A couple of days went by and then, it was the 22nd of March, 2016. We were laying in bed and you were kinda fumbly and moving around a lot. Suddenly you asked how late it was. It was a little over 00:00, I think. Then the moment came. You said a couple of sweet things and asked me to be your girlfriend. Of course, I said yes. So now finally, it was for real. We were officially girlfriend and girlfriend. And so our journey began. The beginning of our relationship was unreal. It felt like I was living a dream. The more time we spent together, the more beautiful you got and the more I loved you. Sure, we were different and I may roll eyes at some stuff you do, but even that, I loved. We complemented each other and helped each other get through things. It felt like we learned how to love again and most importantly: how it felt to be loved. Your love started healing certain places and from very early on, I knew I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. There was just something about you, about our connection, that was so special and so rare. It was real. It felt real. I felt safe with you. You were the absolute best thing that could’ve happened to me and I decided to do whatever it takes to make you and keep you happy.  But at some points, our ways started to collide. We were both busy healing ourselves while working out our differences. Our way of communicating and interpreting are very different. You want to get close where I need my distance. You want to talk where I need silence. You want to solve things while I rather analyze. That’s where things started to crumble. But our love for each other was the glue that kept everything together. No matter what we went through, I would always want to lay in your arms at the end of the day.  The last year of our relationship was hard. Fights got more intense and hard. Finding a way back to each other got harder. But we still had our love for each other. The way we enjoyed making memories together and knowing your favorite person is there to experience things with you. Our vacations are precious memories I will always cherish. Especially our last vacation. Just the vibe, the things we did. Just sitting at a random place drinking beers and raki and having good talks. Because, like I said, we never stopped talking. We could always find things to talk about. We had so much fun together and I will cherish that forever.  Then we moved in together. That’s where everything really started to crumble. The first week was amazing. We were on cloud nine and we were excited. But suddenly I got hit by this wave of “uh oh, what now?”. I didn’t have a job and the ones I applied to didn’t have a positive outcome. I got frustrated. That, with the stress of new things. A new place. New routines. New responsibilities. Then my therapy started. I was confronted with a lot of things and I was poked in a lot of painful places. I started feeling unsteady. You were able to handle most of it though. Then I finally got a job. 32 hours a week in a pet store. I mean, it couldn’t get any better. But that adventure ended in 2 months, because, well that’s not really relevant to our story. I was back at square one. I was exhausted from going from adapting to my work weeks to having nothing anymore. I sunk deeper and deeper and then you got frustrated. You couldn’t handle things anymore. You wanted to help, but you couldnt. I could feel our flame die and there was nothing I could do, because I was empty. It felt like everything slipped through my hands.It was all my own fault and I can’t do anything right. You got more frustrated from helplessness and one day, I just collapsed. I broke down. I cried, I cried. All I could think was “I’m going to end it”. I was done with trying. I was empty. I had nothing left to give and I couldn’t bear the thought of our relationship failing. I was so sure of you and suddenly, I didn’t know anymore. I convinced myself I couldn’t live without you, so I wanted to die. And no, I’m not gonna say that in a romanticized or soft way. I wanted to die. I decided to call my therapists to schedule an appointment for antidepressants. That was my last option. I told myself “okay fine, but at least try this so you can say you tried everything”. But even that wasn’t enough. You kinda made me move back in with my mother, because you needed rest. You couldn’t “take care of me” anymore. That’s what confirmed the things I thought about myself. “I’m hard to love”. “I fuck everything up”. “See, even she doesn’t want you anymore”. I felt powerless. We went from seeing each other every day to seeing each other 2 days a week. I had a hard time adjusting, but after a while I was fine with it, because I had some time to myself too now. I was starting to feel better thanks to the meds and I thought “okay, we got this!”. But this one week, we had a small argument about something. It got resolved quite quickly. A couple of days went by and then we were hanging out again. It was a wednesday. We watched a movie, ordered hotwings and we cuddled. We just had a great evening together and the next day, I went home. We saw each other for a couple of minutes before I left. We kissed goodbye and said our “I love you”s.  Then friday came. I was at home and I just started streaming, because I had a good day and felt like streaming. About half an hour into my stream, I saw your text. “Baby, can you please come over?” to which I replied something like uh sure, what’s up? You had an anxiety attack and you told me you just wanted to talk and cuddle. So I went over to your place, packed some clothes just in case. You started crying as soon as I walked through the door and reached for me. I sat down next to you on the couch and started hugging you and I gave you a kiss on your cheek. That’s where I felt like this really wasn’t good. You looked at me with tears in your eyes and you said “I can’t do this anymore”. That’s when it hit me: you were breaking up with me. Even though my world shattered, I felt this wave of calmness go over me. I was devastated though. My heart was completely broken. We talked for a bit and cuddled for a bit, but you made your decision: you didn’t want to be with me anymore. You were done with trying. You were done with me. Just the thought of having to let you go was unbearable. Something I thought wouldn’t have an expiration date just ended. Soon, we wouldn’t be part of each others lives anymore.  You offered to drive me home and to tell this dashing news to my mom together (even though I already texted her), but you wanted to say her goodbye in person and thank her. We packed a lot of my stuff and we went back to my house. We sat down for a bit with my mom and talked and she was really sweet about it. Then the real moment came: I had to figure out what to do now. I was down at the bottom and I had to get back up, but now, I was on my own. My dumb ass still forgot some stuff at your place, so we had another meetup scheduled after your vacation. I was dreading it. I kinda didn’t want to see you, because I didn’t want it to end. But as days went by, I started adapting to life without you. I had a huge support system and I am thankful for my friends for listening to all my rambling and crying and helping me through. I think, because I already processed a lot of pain in the relationship, it didn’t hit as hard. Or well, it didn’t linger. I picked myself back up and met a load of new people. I decided to just put myself on those tacky dating sites, because why the hell not and day by day, I started feeling more free.  Then I started realizing things. The impact the relationship had on me. The effect you had on me. The fact that being in the relationship made me want to kill myself. I keep analyzing and analyzing and it keeps me busy every day still. Every day I almost relive things that happened between us and it’s pure hell. It’s not like you’re a bad person, but you were a bad person for me and to me sometimes. You mentioned that you were scared I’d think of you as “one of them” and sadly, you became one of them. I was so utterly and completely in love with you, but this love made me blind to all the red flags that popped up. Or well, I did see them, but I chose to ignore them. I believed in you. I believed in us. I believed in myself. I wanted us to make it, because I couldn’t picture myself loving anyone but you. You were my everything. Even when things were shitty. Even when we were fighting. Just the fact that I had you was good enough for me and I believed our love was strong enough. But it wasn’t. Do you know how painful it is to slowly watch the love of your life giving up on you? Do you know how heartbreaking and devastating it is to watch the one you love slowly fading away? I tried to stay positive and it completely ruined me. Now I came down from that cloud I was sitting on, I see that you were in fact the one that ruined me. The constant pressure you put on me. The less you started to support me and the more you got frustrated with me. You were stuck in your own bubble and you wanted me to get in that bubble too, but I couldnt. You no longer had your patience with my different ways. You wanted to get things done. Fast. You had this picture in your head and you wanted things to be that way. Really fucking fast. But you moved at a pace I couldn’t keep up with and I tried. I tried, I tried, I tried. My legs were tired from running, but no matter how many sprints I took: it was never enough. For me, the last 8 months were a living hell. I spent most of our relationship proving myself to you, but the last 8 months were absolutely messed up. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough for you. You couldn’t wait anymore. I needed time. I needed space, but you couldn’t provide that. I did everything I could and more and it still wasn’t enough and it made me believe I was worthless. Or well, you made me believe I was worthless. One day we sat down and you told me that the only thing that kept us together was the love we had for each other. You told me you couldn’t handle how I did things anymore and that was a breaking point for me. I think that was where I slowly began to realize “this is going to end”. But still, I fought and tried to prove that my words weren’t just words. But it wasn’t enough. And now that I look back at everything: I was never enough for you. And now, I’m stuck here being fucking angry with everything that happened. Everything you put me through. All the words you put in my head. The constant doubt. The constant frustration. I can’t even feel like shit without feeling like I’m bothering someone, even when I’m completely on my own. I was in your way. My pain. My tears. My anxiety. My fears. Everything was in your way. You made me believe you could handle it, but every time I decided to trust you, you just dropped me. There was times you could handle it, but overall, you took everything personal and I was the one ending up saying sorry for hurting you, even though I was the one that was in pain. I took a lot of hits from you. Too many, in fact, but I took them. I picked my fights and knew when to pick love over being right and pushing through. You couldn’t. You couldn’t let things go. You could never find peace and I was your punching bag, cause you knew I would just swallow everything. The times I sat there, taking hit after hit while biting my tongue to make things not escalate, cause I knew that you wouldn’t like it if I spoke up. I didn’t want to fight with you, so I decided to not say anything and now, I’m stuck here with all these words and anger that are meant for you. You didn’t deserve my silence. You didn’t deserve my softness. You didn’t deserve my patience. You didn’t deserve my forgiveness and you still don’t. I could never, ever forgive you for dragging me down and making me feel so, so, so incredibly empty. You got away with murder and from the stories I heard about your previous relationship: you have a way of doing things that can make someone feel so utterly helpless and useless. Maybe it’s time to look in the mirror and confront yourself with the piece if shit you sometimes are. How toxic you are. How incredibly harsh you sometimes are. Maybe it’s time to realize that you’re the problem sometimes. I deserved more apologies than I ever got, but to be honest, no amount of apologies, hugs and kisses could fix the damage you did to me. I am terrified of falling in love again, cause you’ve taught me that even the most heartfelt “I love you”s could mean that someone will leave you. And yeah, of course that can happen, but you made me believe I was going to be part of your future, and suddenly you walked away. You made me believe that you loved me completely and unconditionally, but you didn’t. You couldn’t handle me. You never could. I made endless sacrifices for you and I almost sacrificed myself for you. That’s something I will never, ever forgive you. And like I said, you might not be a bad person, but you were a bad person for me. I’m angry at myself for letting it get that far, but you know, I did it out of love. And that’s all I’ve got left. Knowing that I am able to love so deeply and unconditionally. Honestly, my next girlfriend is going to be so spoiled and lucky, because I have a lot to give. In the end, I am grateful for the break up. I am grateful for you leaving me. I got to know myself and I know I’m strong. I know what I’m worth. I know that I can love. I know I can do a whole lot and that I deserve to be loved. I deserve the world. I deserve being surrounded by people who bring out the best in me. I am blessed with having great friends and people who love me for who I am, not for who they want me to be. I am good enough and fuck you for making me believe I wasn’t.

[nierd]

Beloved Nièhb: It’s crazy to me how fast these months have gone. But I’ve been loving every single day they have brought. I love talking to you as soon as I wake up through the whole day until you go to sleep. I love spending my time with you,like  I genuinely enjoy it, it has never felt like a waste or time or something negative, not even when we’ve had arguments. And that says a lot since I’m usually uncomfortable or bored around most people, and well, you know, I hate them all.

There’s always so many things I want to say to you. So many things I want to let you. For starters, I want you to know that you’ve been the greatest, prettiest, kindest gift life has given to me. I want to cherish you forever, until I no longer breath. I will never stop reminding you that you mean everything to me. You give me hope, strength, peace. I’m with you and I feel calm and truly happy. Most of the time I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere, like I don’t belong. But when I’m spending my time with you, it always feels right. You feel like the right thing to do, to love, to believe in. You make me feel like I belong and that’s an extraordinary feeling.

You are such a celestial and kind soul and I want to protect you from all the bad things that this world has but I know that’s not possible, no matter how much I wish it was, it isn’t. But know that I’m here to heal you, take care of you, listen to you, give you advice, cry with you, laugh with you. I’m here to love you entirely. Every inch of your body and every inch of you soul.

I’m so fucking grateful, blessed, lucky to have you. You’ve shared so many of your favorite things with me and I love every single one of them because I feel like they are part of you, things that make you, you. And I’m keeping all of those things treasured to appreciate them just like I appreciate you. Thank you for sharing them with me. Thank you for sharing your passion about these things with me. I love your love and passion for things, it’s such a beautiful thing to witness.

I can’t wait us to get married, to move to Iceland and search for UFOs and watch the aurora borealis. I can’t wait until we get to pet every of our kids together while we are sitting on the kitchen floor. I can’t wait to wake up next to you and fall asleep feeling your warmth against my body. I can’t wait to feel you deep inside me. I can’t wait to taste you. I can’t wait to feel you. I can’t wait to hear you moan. I can’t wait to give you infinite orgasms. But most importantly, I can’t wait for you to finally kiss me. Happy 27, love of my life. Let’s go for more.

Forevers yours,

Skarsgård.