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carmichael-psychology · 4 years

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Harness the Power of Silence in 5 Easy Steps

As a yoga teacher-turned-psychologist, I’ve always been amazed at the overlap between psychology and yoga, specifically in mindfulness and in silence. One yogic practice that I find fantastic as a psychologist is intentional and compassionate silence. Whether you are in a relationship or currently single and living alone, you might feel some sort of pressure to always answer the phone, constantly make small talk with a partner, or always have “something interesting” to say. Intentional silence is a great way to combat this pressure, and can just be a fun way to deepen your relationships and play around with nonverbal communication!

Intentional and compassionate silence is time you and your partner will hold, or you will hold for yourself, to be intentionally quiet. Here are some guidelines for defining a period of silence!

Be Intentional: Intentional and compassionate silence is just that: intentional! This allotted time should not be a time when you happen to be quiet, but when you choose to be quiet

Have a Gameplan: Define how long your intentional quiet will last: 10 minutes, 10 hours, or some time in between? Decide before you begin, and communicate clearly with your partner.

Define Rules: Establish what rules you will follow. Will physical contact be allowed? How about non verbal hand gestures? You could even consider creating a music schedule: who will be in charge of music?

WFH: Consider how you will take work calls if you work from home. Will you designate a specific room or space for such calls?

Enjoy Yourself! How will you use this silent time? Journaling, watching TV, or practicing mindfulness are all great ways to spend intentional silence, so choose to spend this time how you want to!

If you are living alone, it is vital to remember that this quiet is designated and chosen by you! It can feel quite different to have quiet time where you are deliberately not answering phone calls, as opposed to having quiet time because no one happens to be calling. Remember that taking care of yourself is important: you are not responsible for being constantly available to other people, because they might assume you have no other obligations. It’s okay to have an obligation to yourself! Take this time of quiet to hold space for yourself.

Remember to know and define your own boundaries. Intentional silence might feel uncomfortable at times, but you are in control of setting your own ground rules, and defining what this time will look like for you. Once you can set your boundaries and define your ground rules, you will be able to relax into the silence. I hope you can use these guidelines as a way to jumpstart your own plans for intentional and compassionate silence, and use the time as a way to relieve pressure and take care of yourself!

To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

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#quarantine #mindfulness #relationship

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didesi · 7 years

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King and Queen Couples Costume by chloecarmichael featuring a queen costume ❤ liked on Polyvore

Costume / Queen costume

#polyvore #fashion #style #clothing

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100latinotv · 8 years

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Chloe's Sleeping Beauty. Cortesy of Nickelodeon. Tribute for Butch Hartman #fairlyoddparents #chloecarmichael #butchhartman #fop

#chloecarmichael #fop #fairlyoddparents #butchhartman

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toongirl18 · 7 years

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Which of these fangirls that Balthazar Bratt would choose? #despicableme #balthazarbratt #spongebob #rickandmorty #tinytoonadventures #fostershomeforimaginaryfriends #fangirls #starvstheforcesofevil #fanboyandchumchum #tokyomewmew #dexterslaboratory #katieandsadie #thepowerpuffgirls #dotwarner #lunaloud #numbuh3 #isabellagarcia #phineasandferb #lisasimpson #megansparkles #pinkiepie #lousiebelcher #mabelpines #chloecarmichael #hihipuffyamiyumi #kickbuttowski #chowder #crossovers

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carmichael-psychology · 5 years

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What Does Your Tax Style Say About You?

When April comes around, doing our taxes inevitably follows. As someone that works with many individuals planning for their financial future and security, I often find that during times of stress we can forget the purpose behind our actions. Although we all celebrate a salary raise or a successful new business venture, we don’t always like to think about its tax impact– and we may then lose out on opportunities to conserve or grow that wealth by sheltering it with proper planning! Therefore, whether you do your taxes yourself or have an accountant, approaching your taxes thoughtfully by asking yourself some key questions is vital for optimizing your quality of life.

1. If you prefer to do your taxes yourself and/or do a lot of the legwork yourself:

If you go to HR Block or use TurboTax, when do you find the time to gather all tax-related documents? Do you find yourself procrastinating and dreading tax day? If so, you may need to reframe how you think about doing your taxes as a marathon, not a sprint. Spending 30 minutes per day till everything is ready to go can help break the task up into smaller pieces; or sometimes having a mindless entertaining audible book going in the background helps make the admin of document gathering go by more easily. If you need a book idea, remember my 10 Commandments of Dating is available as an audiobook on iTunes, and on Audible free for Amazon Prime users (sorry I couldn’t resist!). Also, books on financial wellness can be inspiring to play in the background as you gather your documents.

2. If you have an accountant:

a. If you have an accountant, does the accountant chase you or do you chase him/her? If you’re doing the chasing, it might be time to consider switching accountants. Often, I find people to get attached to their accountants because of the nature of the relationship– dealing with money is personal, not just business. People can get really emotional about money because finances are linked to our survival and the amount of comfort or choices we will have as we age. It is really important that you feel comfortable with your accountant. If you feel he or she is not prioritizing you or serving your needs, you may have to reconsider the arrangement. I meet with my accountant every quarter, whether I feel the need or not– this keeps us focused throughout the year so that there are no surprises in April, and if we have “extra” time at our meetings we can use it to review our plans, brainstorm new ideas, clarify questions (especially with the new tax code this year), and make sure we’re using every legal maneuver available for a smart financial strategy.

b. If your accountant is chasing you, you might want to consider setting up calendar reminders or regular meetings so that you have everything prepared in advance. You may also want to hire someone to come and “hold your hand” and help you prepare your documents if needed; or keep track of your bookkeeping throughout the year. Remember: taxes and money are not everyone’s strength– they’re certainly not mine. I have great support when it comes to bookkeeping, and although it is a little costly I firmly believe it helps save money in the long term. Having support frees my energy to focus on other areas where I have professional strengths; it keeps my stress levels lower; and it probably reduces mistakes since I delegate as much as possible to professionals.

c. If you and your accountant are running the race together, cheers to you both! Take time to acknowledge your achievement. It is really important to celebrate your victories and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done– doing so helps us to stay motivated, and to be able to weather challenges better because we are also conscious of our strengths. Give yourself a round of well deserved applause!

Conclusion

With tax day around the corner, if you believe your tax style needs some revamping, I hope you use these questions as a springboard for making useful changes. Everyone has their own way of handling taxes, and there’s no single approach that is best for everyone. Whatever you do, it’s important that you take the time to ensure that your approach is a conscious choice that really serves you best in the long term. We often perceive tax season as stressful, so do yourself a favor by being mindful during this time so you can avoid short changing yourself due to stress. Whatever strategy you choose, consider planning a nice celebration for yourself when it’s all done– a glass of champagne, a meal somewhere fun, a massage to relax… the choice is yours, and you deserve it for a job well done.

To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

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https://www.drchloe.com/what-does-your-tax-style-say-about-you/

#tax #money #accountant #psychologist #New York City

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carmichael-psychology · 5 years

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How to make a hard decision

Do you sometimes get stuck on decision making? While it’s great to have options, there is a hidden burden: the responsibility of actually making a choice! Whether you’re trying to choose between two jobs, two romances, or even two vacation destinations, it’s normal to realize that there are great qualities about both options– and this can make it hard to decide. As a clinical psychologist, I can assure you that thinking carefully make sense up to a certain point, but taking too long on any one particular decision can lead to fatigue, frustration, and poor decisions. Thank goodness there is an easy technique to help with decision making!

The Toggle Technique The toggle technique is good for important decisions where you feel stuck between two options. You’ve done a pros/cons list, you’ve thought about both options carefully, and you’re still unsure. Sometimes we need to get beyond the intellect and into our “gut feeling” to make the best choice. Here’s how:

Get Centered: Find a quiet space and do a couple of deep breaths to warm up. Close your eyes to block out distractions.

Dive In: Imagine that you’ve totally committed to one of your choices– we’ll call that choice Option A for the sake of simplicity. For about thirty seconds, silently pretend that you’ve decided to choose Option A. Notice how it feels in your body. For example, do you feel a sinking sensation in your stomach? Or a positive, energized feeling that’s more like butterflies in your stomach?

Toggle: Once you have explored how Option A feels, mentally toggle over to Option B and pretend for approximately thirty seconds that you’ve chosen this option. Notice how it feels emotionally, and notice if you have any bodyfelt reactions. For example, do you feel a warm, uplifted feeling in your chest or a sense of bristling and tightening in your chest?

Go with your gut: Compare how it felt to choose each option, and give yourself permission to choose the one that really felt best on an emotional and body-felt level. Many times, clients in my practice who are struggling with an important choice are surprised to see how much easier it is to choose when they allow themselves to see how they actually feel about the choices.

The Toggle Technique works best when you have analyzed a situation intellectually but you’re still not sure which one really feels best. It is not a replacement for doing a pros/cons list, talking choices over with trusted sources of support, or doing other research to help you understand your options. The unconscious mind and/or the body often feel things that our intellect can’t quite grasp. Your reactions to the toggle technique can help you to access the intuitive part of yourself. The Toggle Technique frees you from “analysis paralysis” and gets you in touch with the choice that is really right for you. Why not give it a try? It only takes a moment, it’s free, and it has worked for many clients in my practice: saying yes on the Toggle Technique is an easy choice to make!

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To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

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#toggle #techniques #decision making

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carmichael-psychology · 5 years

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Therapy and Coaching for Singles

Dr. Chloe has worked successfully with single men and women who are searching for a partner. Common issues include struggling with a breakup, trying to begin dating more, or learning how to set boundaries. These issues are normal. Having a fulfilling romantic relationship is an extremely healthy and rewarding part of life. If you are experiencing challenges here, please don’t be hard on yourself.Sessions for singles will focus on defining the type of relationship you want, as well as discussing strategies to obtain it. Sessions will also help you to understand insecurities or old patterns that seem to be holding you back, and help you to move forward.

Congratulate yourself for recognizing that you have the normal and healthy wish to be in a partnership, and give yourself the support you need to make it happen. Working with Dr. Chloe will help you to gain perspective and build confidence in a supportive atmosphere so that you can move forward in your search for a partner. Dr. Chloe offers therapy and coaching for singles by Skype or in Manhattan, NYC. To read more about Dr. Chloe and singles, click here for her blog entry on singles.

You may also be interested in the Relationships Group!

Dr. Chloe also has 14 days of FREE Dating tips, a series that is meant to help you make your dating life more enjoyable.

Dr. Chloe has a great deal of experience helping clients to get over breakups. Working through a breakup involves getting through the immediate sadness and disappointment, as well as developing an understanding of any relationship patterns that might have contributed to the breakup. Dr. Chloe will help you to work through the breakup in a way that prepares you to move forward in dating so that you can find a relationship that will last. To learn more, see drchloe.com/breakups

Couples Counseling

Dr. Chloe and her associates offer a dynamic, results-oriented approach for couples. In a supportive environment, couples are often pleasantly surprised at how much better they can communicate their thoughts and feelings. Two people become a couple because there is something special between them, and the options below are designed to help you reconnect with what brought you together in the first place. Dr. Chloe also works with couples experiencing fertility issues- click here for tips on fertility stress.

Who Benefits from Couples Counseling?

There is always room for improvement in any relationship. For most couples, it isn’t any one event that has lead them to come to see me. Typically there are a series of things that go awry that eventually lead to a breakdown of the relationship. Usually one or both partners realize that if they don’t do something soon, the relationship will fall apart. If you or your partner thinks you need couples therapy, you probably do. Typical warning signs would include things like constant bickering and unfair fighting, one or both partners wanting to spend their free time away from the other, you don’t appreciate each other or respect each other anymore, lack of sexual intimacy and lying about money. It is always better if the couple comes to therapy sooner than later, but there is hope for any couple where both partners are open change. Please contact Dr. Chloe to arrange an appointment or if you have any questions.

What Happens in Sessions?

Dr. Chloe or one of her associates will help you to get to the heart of the issues and then work with you to determine what action steps can be taken to resolve them. The rewards for doing this are enormous and long-lasting. Generally speaking, couples therapy is a form of talk therapy. It helps you find more positive ways of interacting and so that you can both find the satisfaction you want and deserve in the relationship. For most couples, the key to a better relationship is learning to communicate better. Opening the channels of communication and learning new ways to listen to each other will bring your relationship to a new positive level. Using the techniques learned in our sessions, the couple will be able to handle disagreements and be able to ask for what they need without having to worry about arguments and negative consequences. This tends to lead to create an upward spiral of respect and caring in the relationship.

To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

TO FOLLOW HER ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/DrChloe_

TO FOLLOW HER ON FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/DrChloePhD

TO FOLLOW HER ON GOOGLE+ https://plus.google.com/+DrChloeCarmichaelPhD

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#dating #single #therapy #relationship #coaching

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carmichael-psychology · 5 years

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Mindful Shopping: Get what you really want.

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Whether it’s the holidays, birthdays, fashion week, or just everyday life, we can all become victims of the shopping bug: there’s always something new and exciting to buy. But while great stuff is… well… great, we also know that a healthy savings account feels pretty great too– and so does feeling content with what we have. When FOX5 called to ask me for tips on why we sometimes buy more stuff that what we need (or even actually want!), and for ideas on how to stay centered when impulse buys are tempting, I offered the two sets of tips below. The first set, called SAFE, offers some background on why we overshop, since it’s always helpful to have insight about why we do the things we do. The second set, SCRAM, offers tips on how to keep your eye on your real financial goals when rabbit holes beckon.

SAFE:

Self image– People often shop to get a temporary feeling that they’re more like the people they see with certain items. Whether it’s a mountain climber raising his hand in victory as he scales Mount Everest while wearing an expensive watch, or a model whose airbrushed lips look beautiful in a new shade of luxury lipstick, we sometimes feel pulled to buy things that play to a part of ourselves (even a small, quiet part!) that feels pulled into engagement or identification with an image offered by an advertiser– even if we know it’s actually totally unrelated to being that way in real life (like liquor ads featuring fitness models doing shots).

Accomplishment– Shopping can give us a sense of accomplishment. Even if it doesn’t really make sense, we can sometimes feel like we’ve accomplished something with a tangible result by sorting through three dozen tan handbags in order to find the perfect one (okay that one was me!).

Fear: With all the turbulence in today’s world, it’s understandable that some of us feel drawn to buy another portable generator or go into overdrive mode when filling up our pantry. Or maybe we grew up poor and there’s a part of ourselves that can never have enough and somehow finds security in more of anything, even if it’s our fifteenth pair of simple grey trousers. Whatever the reason, some people confuse security with shopping.

Escapism: When we’ve had a bad day, or just feeling lonely, retail therapy can offer a boost. While a little pick-me-up never hurt anyone, some of us head to the store to escape stress a little too frequently for our own good; letting our stressors remain unresolved.

Now that you have insight into why you sometimes overshop, here are some tips to help create structure when wanted 🙂

SCRAM:

Self statements: Once you know why you’re prone to overshopping, craft a simple statement that will keep you on track when temptation calls. For example, someone who spends money they don’t have on luxury goods in order to get a temporary feeling of glamour might say to themselves, “Debt is not glamorous” when tempted to overspend. Or a person who purchases because chummy salespeople cajole and flatter could silently remind themselves, “My real friends don’t make a commission off my purchases.” One last example is that a person who gets swept into exciting impulse buys could think of making an extra deposit into their 401k and tell themselves, “A fat retirement fund would be really exciting.”

Carry only cash: This tried and true tip is on the list because it’s just so good. Carrying only cash may actually add an exciting feeling of drama to a shopping trip– remember the old days when people didn’t always have a credit card “just in case”? While carrying only cash can have a fun 007-like quality to it, there’s actually an added bonus of security: Knowing in advance that there’s no way for you to go over budget can actually be very calming.

Return items you don’t need: Made a mistake and went a little overboard? Return it! This keeps you accountable (literally) when you get swept away. It also prevents spirals (“I already went overboard this week, why not a little more?)”, and takes the headiness out of binges because deep down you know you’ll just be returning it shortly–while it may feel like a bummer the first time or two, it will quickly help you to build awareness and stay peacefully grounded in that awareness.

Amazon wishlist: In case you didn’t know, Amazon has a Wishlist feature where you can create as many lists as you want (one for books you’d like to read, one for car trip toys for kids, one for gifts for your neighbors’ housewarming party– the options are endless). This allows you to “stroll the aisles” to your heart’s content, storing all of your choices and options. The biggest value add is the gamechaning ability to wait and see if you even remember you want to purchase whatever random item seemed so important or dazzling onscreen during a particular moment of impulse when you felt like clicking “add”. Plus, you of course know that if the item really does still seem super great the next day, it’s just a click away.

Money: Whether it’s the Mint app, or an app that connects directly to your bank or credit card, make it quick and easy to eyeball your credit card and bank balances– especially if there’s a shopping or savings goal in your life. Seeing these figures regularly keeps you focused on your progress (or the gap you want to close), which adds a healthy sense of immediacy to finances that can otherwise feel abstract. Just like people who own a scale and weigh themselves often are generally better at weight control, people who know their financial balances tend to be more balanced financially.

I hope you have enjoyed these tips! If you’re not already on my monthly newsletter please sign up! You’ll hear my updates and articles, plus you’ll be notified when my next book comes out through Macmillan Publishers. Thanks for reading!

To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

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#shopping #addiction #tips #money #escape

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carmichael-psychology · 5 years

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Mindfulness: Your Secret Business Weapon

As a clinical psychologist and former yoga teacher who works with driven business people, I want to clarify a common myth that mindfulness is mainly about relaxation and “being present”. Relaxation and feeling fully present are certainly positive components of mindfulness practice, but mindfulness can also be used to increase your insight and awareness around one of your most valuable business assets: your thoughts. By learning to observe our thoughts without reacting to them, we can save ourselves considerable time, money, and energy by choosing to “follow through” only on the thoughts that are truly in service of what we actually want in any given situation. I know this sounds abstract, so here are some real-life examples of how growing your “mindfulness muscles” will help you in day-to-day life:

Handle disagreements wisely: When you notice that you have a disagreement with a colleague or counterpart, do you have an immediate instinct to try and persuade that person to your point of view? Or perhaps to quietly accommodate and people-please? We all have default styles of conflict management that we’ll use when disagreements arise, especially if the disagreement matters a lot or rattles us in some way– which is exactly the time when it would behoove us to mentally take a step back and choose an approach mindfully rather than just getting sucked into a pattern of persuading, pressuring, or accommodating. Different situations and relationships will be best managed by an accommodating and even submissive style, whereas other situations may benefit from you being super direct and even applying heavy pressure when needed– while still other situations may benefit more from simply noticing and getting comfortable with both parties being able to comfortably hold different perspectives without feeling the need to persuade each other. Mindfully noticing if you are feeling automatically pulled to persuade or accommodate in the face of disagreement will help you to pause and consider which strategy is best for each individual situation rather than just reflexively using your default style of conflict-management. Mindful awareness of your reactions to disagreements will also make it more difficult for others to deliberately push your buttons, since they won’t be able to count on you automatically responding to disagreement in a rote fashion– instead, you’ll size up the situation like a chess board and make the best move given all the variables.

Stay focused on what matters: We are more productive and fulfilled when we have a clear sense of purpose. It’s easy to lose track of why are doing what we’re doing, unless you work for an employer whose sense of mission is directly relevant to your personal goals (such as an animal-lover working for a pet shelter). Mindful awareness of the connections between your work and your personal goals will increase your sense of purpose, which will increase your productivity and fulfillment. For example, although the latest corporate initiative you’re spearheading may not feel especially compelling to you on a personal level, successfully implementing that very same initiative represents a ticket to providing your family with meaningful things like education, travel, or security in old age (or whatever goals the financial payoff of a job well done will facilitate in your life). Mindfulness allows you recognize and to remain aware of the mental reference points that connect your work to a greater life purpose

Get empathy (and understanding!) from others: Mindfulness guides you to practice observing yourself and putting those observations into words. The more you’re able to understand yourself, and the better you’re able to explain what you’re thinking and feeling, the more others will be able to see your perspective. Getting others to understand your perspective is a skill that helps others to increase their empathy towards you, which often makes them more willing to accommodate you when needed. For example, being able to help your boss understand that you’ve bent over backwards to get a client to the negotiating table may stimulate your boss to give you some extra latitude on certain negotiating points since she will realize how much you’ve sacrificed to get the client to the table. Conversely, as an employer or manager, being able to help your direct reports clearly understand the business-critical importance of certain goals, and how much the success of those goals matters to you on a personal level, will help employees to engage deeper with you and the company.

Mindfulness is one of my favorite tools both personally and professionally. I’ll admit that this blog covers the “why” of mindfulness but not really the “how” of mindfulness. The good news is that I’ve already written other blogs on how to increase your mindfulness skills! To read more about how you can grow your mindfulness skills, check out my other blogs or call my office so I can teach you personally!

To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

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#mindfulness #strategy #technique #business

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carmichael-psychology · 6 years

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How to Drink Moderately

New York City is a city that loves to drink. We meet friends for happy hours, we eat at business dinners where a sommelier serves amazing wine, we go to trendy lounges that serve artisanal cocktails, we attend networking events with open bars, and many of us love a nice quiet drink with a delicious meal and a lively social scene seated at a restaurant bar. The beauty of it is that for many of us, all this drinking actually leads to great things: successful business dinners, mingling with new and interesting people, a sense of relaxation that happens effortlessly as alcohol immediately creates a mild euphoria that makes us open up, laugh more, and shuts off our incessant internal monologue. Alcohol has clear benefits for many of us, both personally and professionally.

The benefits of alcohol lead many of us drink so frequently that it can become habitual. There is nothing inherently wrong with drinking habitually, but many clients who come to my office indicate that they would prefer to be in control of their habit rather than feel as if the habit has taken on an inertia of its own. It is very important to note that this is different from alcoholism or addiction to alcohol. The distinction I’m making here is that with an addiction, we tend to think of drinking away our last dollar, drinking that leads to arrests or hospital visits, or other forms of drinking that clearly suggest our normal standards of safety and personal responsibility have been severely compromised due to a desire for alcohol; those types of relationships with alcohol are generally best classified and treated as addictions. I do not treat addictions to alcohol- my practice is limited to situations where a person’s alcohol use is perfectly safe and more habit-based than addiction-based; I work with clients who are not alcoholics but simply people who want to increase their sense of purpose and control around the way they drink. Here is how many people in my practice have done this successfully:

Decide to build your awareness: Commit to observe your drinking without trying to change your habits, at least at first. Before we can really try to change something, it’s often helpful to just observe it. This helps us to set realistic goals, and to understand our drinking patterns and triggers more fully than we might if we paid attention to alcohol only a) to drink it, or b) to control it. The idea here is to pay attention and study your drinking from a neutral, information-gathering, curiosity-based mindset before you attempt any significant efforts to change it. Once you’ve made a commitment to observe your drinking, here’s one way to do it:

Define your observation field: Mindfulness meditation often involves choosing something to observe and then observing it for a set period of time. This builds our observation and awareness skills, and frees us to delve into the observations without second guessing ourselves with questions like “Should I stop yet? Have I observed long enough? I wonder if I’m doing this right?”. We can apply this to drinking observations in the following manner: For a predetermined amount of time (for example two weeks, two days, or whatever feels best for you), commit to observe your drinking in a neutral manner by noting down your drink counts. Your goal here is to tabulate your drinking without attempting to change it. This is actually more difficult than it sounds for many people, so be gentle with yourself if you struggle with this step. Remember: the more familiar you are with basic information about your drinking and the more capable you are of observing it, the easier it will be for you to make whatever changes you desire.

Document your observations: Try to complete the log below for each day, making one entry per day. If you forget or decline to make a same-day entry but still want to note the information later, put “No” in the “Same Day entry” column to indicate you are making a retroactive log. Don’t judge yourself if you forget or decline to make a same day entry; just document that it happened if you wish to do so by making a retroactive log. You don’t have to do retroactive entries if you don’t want to do so; you can simply resume your log with your current day and let your log reflect that there are some missing days. Or if you wish, you can make retroactive entries and simply indicate this with “No” per above. Part of the observation process includes observing your willingness or ability to indicate awareness of your drinking over a predetermined period of time. Many people find a two week period is a good length of time for an observation period, but you can choose whatever period of time feels best for you.

Date Same day entry? Enter “Yes” or “No” Count of drinks Are you estimating or did you count? Enter “E” or “C”

What to do with your observations:

At the end of your observation period, you’ll not only have logged observations of drink counts, you’ll also be observing your overall drinking observation skills and patterns. We call this “meta awareness” in psychology. It is a form of mindfulness. If you notice that you skipped a lot of days, you can become curious and try to understand why you’re skipping. Is it because you simply forgot and would benefit from a reminder in your calendar? Or maybe this means there is a part of you that doesn’t like the idea of observing drink counts? Or maybe there is some other reason you tend to skip. The idea is to replace any forms of judgement with curiosity so that this becomes an exercise in self-compassion and self-observation rather than self-flagellation. There are no “wrong” answers, only observations that help you get to know yourself better (caveat: as stated at the beginning, this is only true if you’re someone for whom alcohol does not lead to dangerous behavior- if alcohol is dangerous for you but you can’t quit, then please see an addiction specialist).

The goal is to sharpen your observation skills regarding drinking, so hopefully you will be able to enter more “C”s than “E”s in the last column documenting whether you’re estimating or counting your drinks for the day, but if you find that your log shows nearly all “Es” then welcome this as good information not only as an estimate of your drinks, but also as information about your observation skills or style. Become curious about why you tend to estimate rather than count. If it’s because counting feels boring, remember that this is just an observation period that doesn’t have to last forever. If it’s because you feel ashamed or regretful about the count, try to be accurate anyway and congratulate yourself for increasing your awareness at all.

Remember to suspend judgement during the counting phase; be proud of yourself for being bold enough to note the real numbers or at least real estimates. If facing the real numbers is too daunting, that’s good information for you to know as well. The idea here is just to document your observations as well as your willingness and ability to make observations.

Your drinking “sweet spot”

Dr. Chloe raising a glass for Carmichael Psychology’s

2015 holiday celebration

Once you have enough data, you can identify a “magic number” of your ideal number of drinks, or your “drinking sweet spot”. Your ideal number of drinks for our purposes here is the number of drinks that brings you the most pleasure. Many people find that the first 2-3 drinks bring a great deal of pleasure, while the fourth and fifth (or sixth or seventh) drinks seem like they will bring pleasure but actually bring hangovers or regret. If you’re reading this blog, chances are you’ve had some sort of experience with hangovers, oversharing, extra belly fat, or other features of drinking that you’d rather skip. The good news is that you can keep the pleasurable parts of drinking and nix the negatives by simply stopping at your “magic number”. Of course, this is easier said than done– if you leave it to your “buzzed self” to decide the magic number “in the moment”, it will be much harder to find the sweet spot than if you track some observations to locate your magic number in a more logical manner, and then do your buzzed self a favor by learning to stick with that number. Your buzzed self will actually have more fun and thank you later since it no longer has to do “on the spot thinking” about how much to drink. Many people find that through observation, they discover they frequently drink one or two drinks more than what is actually their true pleasure point. By reframing your drinking target as a “magic number” that is about your pleasure rather than as a “limit”, many people are able to embrace alcohol moderation as a friend rather than a foe.

Conclusion

Many people find that having a reference point of how much they wish to drink is very helpful since by definition if we “make it up as we go along” and just drink “however much feels right” then we almost always end up drinking more than we want over the years. This is because we develop a tolerance, and because once we’ve had a few drinks it becomes very difficult to gauge how much more we really want to drink versus how much we’re just operating in a buzzed “more is more” type of mindset that can trick us into drinking more alcohol than is actually optimally pleasurable. The first step to determining your magic number and then ultimately having drinking habits that support your magic number is to observe how much you’re drinking without judgement. I hope you will find the approach and worksheet above helpful. Bottoms up and cheers to you!

To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

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#drinking #moderate drinking #drink moderately #alchohol

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carmichael-psychology · 7 years

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To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

TO FOLLOW HER ON TWITTER https://twitter.com/DrChloe_

TO FOLLOW HER ON FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/DrChloePhD

TO FOLLOW HER ON GOOGLE+ https://plus.google.com/+DrChloeCarmichaelPhD

TO FOLLOW HER ON LINKEDIN https://www.linkedin.com/in/chloecarmichael

TO FOLLOW HER ON YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/user/drchloecarmichael

TO FOLLOW HER ON INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/drchloe_/

#mental health #productivity

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carmichael-psychology · 4 years

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Part 2: How to Deal with Toxic People

In Part 1 of this blog series on toxic people, I outlined how to see when you may have a toxic person in your life. If you think you may have one, please know that you have the power to set boundaries for your own wellbeing! To keep it simple, you can use the acronym TOXIC to remember a list of options you might consider.

T.O.X.I.C.:

Table it: While certain things might automatically mean “canceling” a person (such as physical violence), other things might be harder to judge, especially if they seem out of character for the person. You always have the option of just cataloguing your observation to see if a pattern forms.

Out: You always, always, always have the option to get OUT.

eXamine yourself: Sometimes, it’s helpful to reflect on what underlying reasons may be driving you to remain in a toxic relationship. Do you feel the person “just couldn’t survive without you”? If the person really truly couldn’t survive, then by all means please call 911 to get them the help they truly need…. but don’t become their beast of burden.

Invite the person to discuss with you: Sometimes, we just need to learn how to express ourselves. Molehills become mountains, and lables like “toxic” or “narcissist” start getting applied, when all that’s really needed is a frank discussion and/or some firm limit-setting.

Chat with your support network: If you feel stuck in the middle, stuck in your head, or just plain stuck, then consider chatting with a trusted friend, advisor, coach, clergyperson, therapist, family member, or someone who can listen, give you feedback, or offer support in some other way.

If you’re not sure whether or not a person is really “toxic” or not, please know that it isn’t really an official clinical term. It’s just a term commonly used in everyday colloquial English to describe an intensely negative view of a person, in a way that suggests any sort of connection with that person could be harmful. To see more about what might be considered toxic behavior, click here to see my blog about THE 3 CATEGORIES OF TOXIC PEOPLE!

To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here