#chowder is jack's frog like bitty is holster and ransom's frog!!! and like dex is bitty's frog!!! apparently!!!

[cricketnationrise]

3:00am, haus kitchen

@darthlivion/@transwicky - tumblr apparently ate your ask, but luckily I copied it into a google doc! have some olliewicks words for your table 💜🦗

want your own ficlet? my followers can prompt their own with these guidelines

🏒🏒🏒🏒

The Haus is still for once.

The kegster had wound down around one in the morning, the last hangers on gently but firmly ushered out the door by the lethal combination of Bitty’s implacable Southern manners and the looming presence of Ransom and Holster, standing just behind him. Even the most devoted partiers caved in the face of such a menacing one-two punch. (Everyone also knows that Bitty’s the scarier part of that combination—Holster and Ransom are just the muscle.)

Jack had been in bed by ten. Shitty and Lardo had disappeared to the reading room around midnight. Holster had piggy-backed Ransom up the stairs to the attic just before the Frogs left, Chowder held up between the ever-bickering Nursey and Dex as they stumbled back to their dorm. He and Ollie were the only ones crashing at the Haus tonight since tomorrow was their designated Bake Tester/Bitty Bonding day. Ever since Bitty had moved in, Ollie and Wicky and Bitty had to schedule their trio bonding time. It was depressing, having to schedule what was once as easy as calling across the hall from their dorm to his, but now they were guaranteed first crack at Bitty’s baked goods.

Ollie himself had conked out on the couch before the frogs left. Normally Wicky would be right there with him, buried in a blanket nest on the floor, but he’s too fucking wired. He wishes he could say it’s the result of whatever Shitty had dumped in the tub juice this time around, but he knows better. He’s not thinking about the why though. He can’t. If he looks at it too closely, he might explode.

So he cleans instead.

Wicky picks up solo cups and empty cans and soggy confetti (who let Shitty have access to a bunch of party poppers?). He sops up puddles of mystery liquid and gathers lost hoodies and hats and socks (Socks? Who is going barefoot at a kegster?) to put in the box of the porch once the sun comes up. The set of car keys he finds, he pins to the corkboard—Ransom or Holster will know whose keys they are and can get them back to their owner. Wicky wipes the stickiness off the kitchen counters and table and sweeps the floor. He’s just bagging up the trash when a soft, concerned Wicky? comes from the doorway.

He spins to see Ollie in the doorway, looking adorably confused as he hides a yawn in his shoulder.

“Thought you were asleep, Ollie,” he says, quietly so he doesn’t wake the rest of the Haus.

“I thought you were gon’ sleep. What’re you doin’?”

“Just too amped from the party, I think. Got a jump on the clean up. Figure Bitty would appreciate—”

“Wicky.” Ollie cuts him off, mid-ramble. “Was it— Are you—” he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Should I back off?”

Wicky’s mouth goes dry. Apparently Ollie doesn’t want to let him continue to ignore the root cause of his restlessness. Rude of him, but it sort of sounds like—

“Back off?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You were right there next to me on the dance floor.”

Wicky gulps. “You— you weren’t just…”

“Jesus fucking christ, Wicky. I wasn’t just anything when I pulled you against me by the back of your neck. I wanted you pressed as close as possible. I thought you wanted that, too.”

“Oh.”

“But it clearly made you uncomfortable enough that you’re cleaning at three in the morning, so. Do you want me to back off?” Ollie repeats, meeting his eyes squarely.

“Just, to confirm, or whatever. You were flirting with me tonight?”

“I’ve been flirting with you for weeks, Pace.” He rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Or trying to anyway. I couldn’t really get a read on whether you were flirting back or not. Tonight was a chance to see if you would.”

“Oh.”

In the quiet that stretches between them, Wicky can’t hear anything but the thundering of his heartbeat in his ears. Ollie has been flirting with him. For weeks. Flirting with him.

“I’m really gonna need you to say someth—mphff.”

Wicky cuts Ollie’s words off with a kiss. He pulls Ollie as close as possible, deliberately mirroring their positions from earlier tonight. He’s got one hand on his waist, the other cupping the back of Ollie’s neck, holding him firmly in place. He’s not sure how long they kiss for, only that it feels fucking amazing, his best friend matching every movement of his mouth. It feels sheets warm from the dryer—safe and comfortable, lived in.

He kind of never wants it to stop.

[lunar-nebulari]

Which members of SMH know where the the clitoris is.

It's the thing you never knew you needed to know. (Not including female characters because duh, of course they all know.) (Also feel free to debate or add others in the tags/comments.)

Main Crew:

Bitty: He's gay, but very in touch with women. Therefore I think he knows what it is, but he doesn't know where it is.

Jack: I feel, in my heart of hearts, that he knows where it is. He may be lacking in emotional intelligence, but I feel like that man knows how to please a person. No matter the genitals.

Shitty: Yes, of course. He's a feminist, it's his job to know where it is. He's out there pleasin' people with vaginas, and educating dumbass dudes that don't even know it exists.

Holster: According to Tumblr user @p-antalons he "100%" doesn't know where it is. Sorry buddy, guess your game isn't truly off the charts.

Ransom: I'm actually on the fence about him, he's a smart guy but he's also really fucking dumb. I'd say he's one of those guys that knows it exists but always fumbles in trying to find it.

Frogs:

Chowder: Yes, but his knowledge comes directly from Caitlin. He was very eager to learn tho.

Dex: Fuck, no.

Nursey: It's a no from me dawg. He seems like the kinda guy that thinks he's amazing and hits it every time, but that's so far from the truth.

Tadpoles:

Tango: He's got no braincells in him. He's got a good heart and would also be very eager to learn. But I think he spends a large majority of his life not knowing it even exists.

Whiskey: FLAMING homosexual. Knows nothing about female anatomy, but we love him anyway.

[parvuls]

[goldasschains]

Everyone knows that The Frogs are Bitty’s. Yeah Dex was drawn to ransom, Nursey was drawn to Holster and Chowder had Jack but they were still Bitty’s Frogs.

But, Nursey and Jack clicked in a way no one was really expecting through both the passion they have for their fields of study connected their fields are to each other. They also bond over being critical thinkers and choosing a field they’re passionate about rather than “job security”, despite all the chirps sent their way.

And Nursey was wary of Jack being a history major. So many history dudes he was with at Andover just used it as an excuse to justify and further more issues they saw in the world. But Jack’s not like that at all, he sees History less as objective facts and dates, which it’s not, or more of a web of stories and identities and how those clash together to create events and civilizations and systems and how to be better, how to learn, what to look for. Nursey practically falls in love when he hears Jack say that cause he can do stories all day. There’s actually something to discuss there rather than just be talked at.

And neither of them have anyone else in their lives that’ll both listen to them rant about what they find interesting and be able to contribute to the convo. When Jack starts talking about the civil war, Nursey has some American Realism texts to talk about how the war affected writings and what people began looking for and when Nursey is in a British Lit class and is studying Modernism, Jack has some poetry written by soliders during WWII that exemplify all the aspects of Modernist elements.

And Jack will go off on tangents on how one event effected X country’s economy and focus a little too much on that or Nursey will be talking Romanticism and give like NO context so Jack is lost but they just laugh it off and ask for clarity and the other is delighted because they know they’re genuinely interested and curious to learn.

And there’s these two very big and buff jocks who are presumed to be stupid for two different reasons having a good intellectually conversation about their creative outlets and it’s just very important for them to have that.

[pridetape]

OK WHAT IF bitty takes a couple years to work and save money before starting college

in this scenario the frogs would actually be a year above bitty and !!!! im so excited by that! how would that dynamic be!! at this point i think bitty would have gained a lot of confidence compared to if he started college at 18, but if he was in madison for 2 years then its not as much growth as 2 years at samwell…

i want dex and bitty to Bond on an even deeper level i think that friendship could have SUCH an interesting story. like they are both so FIERY and we dont rly get to see them interact one on one in the comic!! they would probably date and be chaos boyfriends before totally blowing up the relationship and realising they work better as friends and then would absolutely be Those Gays. That One Ex-Couple who remain connected at the hip. you know the type we’re all friends with a gay ex-couple who are just Like That. their in-jokes have in-jokes and they wingman each other but then sometimes drunkenly make out with each other and its all very messy and intimidating. (nursey has a hell of a time trying to date dex with All That going on and is frankly relieved when bitty starts mooning over jack and stops acting fake flirty with dex)

and u know chowder would absolutely take bitty under his wing in the way bitty did with the frogs in the original timeline! chowder definitely arrived at samwell with a lot of enthusiasm and desire to fit in and be liked and i think would see the same in bitty when he arrived a year later. they would become Best Friends for sure. (also chowder would be captain. fight me)

i think bitty and nursey wouldn’t really know how to be friends at first like they wouldn’t dislike each other they just wouldn’t really click? (especially whilst dex and bitty are together and then not-together-but-still-intimidating as described above. because nursey has been holding a flame for dex since year 1) but then one time nursey shares a joint with bitty and they start talking about their experiences being queer, and bitty confesses his complicated feelings about dex and how he knows they arent good together romantically but they sometimes cling on to each other despite themselves because of insecurities… and nursey confesses he has a crush on dex….. and bitty confesses that dex has a crush on nursey!! and after that feel a lot more at ease with each other :))

lardo + ransom + holster would be in their final year when bitty is in first year in this timeline! i think their relationships would all be kind of the same just wouldn’t get as much time to develop

howEVER. l+r+h would talk about their friends shitty and jack a LOT. and would host watch parties at the haus for falconers games. but bitty is oblivious and doesn’t make the connection for WEEKS. UNTIL!!! jack and shitty come to watch an smh home game and then hang out after and bitty’s jaw hits the floor when he finally realises that “our friend jack” is jack ZIMMERMANN. and bitty has to go hide for a while cos he feels so stupid about it (rsd is a bitch) — but then… :) jack runs into him somehow idk details whatever and :)) starts talking to him about the game!! and hes all “that was a really good game, bittle” and “nice assist in the second” and “you’re pretty quick out there eh?” and “you uh, you have soft hands” and also oh dear lord jack is so hot up close and his voice is so deep and gentle and that accent could read bedtime stories bitty is bright red and just about ready to die from the combined embarrassment and ego boost

and then obviously jack becomes really invested in bitty’s playing. which is totally normal. its his old team. its totally normal, right? bittle plays good hockey. jack totally watches the other smh players with the same focus as he watches bitty. totally normal

and of course jack and bitty happen to be in the same smh group chat. so its totally normal when jack texts bitty to congratulate him after a game. his phone number was right there! and the way his stomach flips when bitty texts back is totally! normal! and its so normal when they start texting regularly and its like so not a big deal when jack starts to visit the haus regularly and its all completely normal and fine!

and when the falconers win the cup that year and jack invites smh to party with the team and they all wind up back at jacks apartment and jack and bitty end up kissing — well, actually, that’s pretty extraordinary

[wrathofthestag]

Socks for the Haus!

So I was in bed this morning, drinking tea and scrolling along on my tablet, when I saw an ad for this sock company, immediately pictured the following...

Holster and Ransom come barging into the haus, super excited.

“This store was going out of business, and we bought all of your asses some socks!” Holster bellowed as Ransom opened a bag and began lobbing them at the people sitting in the living room.

Shitty gets these, of course.  “Brahs, nice!”

Lardo looks at her socks.  “Dudes, these are hilarious!” Ransom and Holster high five each other.

Bitty looks at his and frowns, as Jack snickers.  He can be heard blessing their hearts under his breath.

“Jack, we couldn’t decide which pair to get you, so you GET TWO!”

“Neat.”

The frogs get a pair too, and are happy to be included. “For the English major!  Here you go, Nursey!” “Chill!”

Chowder looks at his pair and is like, “Um, thanks!” 

Dex practically blows a gasket with his pair as Nursey is dying:

And what did Holster and Ransom buy for themselves?  These of course:

The company is called Gumball Poodle, BTW.  (I keep waffling between which ones Lardo got, so I just changed them again.  Which ones for Lards?!)

[builtlikeastickofcelery]

its the evening times time for me to post

Today I’ll be dumping a bucket of omgcp headcanons into hell!

Note: this only mentions jack, r & h, shitty, lardo, bitty, and the frogs +farmer

- Jack and Bitty just kinda hung out in their apartment. Bitty definitely baked like 3x as much, and definitely organized zoom calls, both with his graduated friends (which do infact include the tadpoles! Whiskey, tango and ford all are class of 2019! Crazy right!) and whoever’s still at the haus. Jack definitely bought a ton of Jackbox games mostly for the pun and then became genuinely addicted to them and hosted a lot more zooms and also got mercilessly chirped

- haus 2.0 (Shitty, Lardo, Ransom, Holster) met their neighbor! And then they never spoke again! I think Lardo ended up with just a huge tech setup for both art and gaming and became a gamer girl who also has a huge drawing tablet and now has an Etsy. Shitty attended many a zoom court meeting, a few of which he accidentally got stuck on a filter/background which was embarrassing. Everyone else thought it was reeeeaal funny tho. Ransom questioned his choice to not do med stuff and ended up almost taking an online course and then he just didn’t for some reason. Holster definitely learned to bake, and the two of them took an online seminar on mixology and can now make beautiful drinks.

- frogs (chowder, dex, and nursey PLUS farmer because I love her even tho she’s underdeveloped and also she’s present in this situation) a lotta people have headcanoned that chowder went back to cali and signed with the sharks and because that is a dream come true for him and I want only the best for that absolute ray of sunshine he totally did but then it just stopped because virtual BUT he did get one year. He calls all his teammates a lot like more that bitty which is impressive and most definitely tried to bake cute stuff and failed because he doesn’t have the experience. Farmer can totally cook and was solely responsible for keeping their apartment stable and good and everything with her killer skills. They both tried to do yoga. It didn’t work. Meanwhile, dex and nursey decided to stay with chowder and farmer because idk the frogs all wanted to live together and it was cheaper bc cali is expensive and stuff. They thought it would be temporary. They were saving up to get separate places. They had to share a room. They almost got kicked out for incessant bickering by farmer and were saved by chowder and they have been on thin ice ever since.

Not gonna really go into jobs because ghgghgh boring if anyone wants to write fics or make comics based off of these I’d love to see them!!!!!! Let your creatively juicy self go apeshit

[heeyjuuuude]

how to know when one of the smh boys is the imposter

because among us is the only thing on my mind these days

bitty: his main strategy is to tail someone to build their trust and then cut the lights and ‘accidentally’ lose his partner on the way to electric and kill whoever he can on the way. then he goes to electric, fixes the lights, and thinks this counts as an alibi. (it doesn’t, eric.) he also locks doors way too often.

jack: wayyy too cautious about killing. if the tasks are nearly done and there are less than three people dead, it’s him. he also likes to just sit back and watch everyone tear each other apart with accusations, so if he isn’t talking during meetings, it’s him.

shitty: honestly, he’s pretty good. he’s way too into the game and spends too long looking up and practicing them with groups of randoms. his one tell is that sometimes he starts laughing when people accuse someone else for no reason, so when they play in person and he starts laughing, everyone looks at each other and then at him and then simultaneously vote him off.

ransom and holster: they’re a GREAT team when they’re both imposter, absolutely unstoppable and haven’t lost a single game, but when just one of them is, they always kill the other first, because they team up in every damn game, which obviously means that they can’t do their job as imposter. 

chowder: he’s surprisingly ruthless, but he always kills dex and nursey last out of frog solidarity. they’ve tried telling him it’s a giveaway several times and he’ll go ‘oh, yeah, okay!’ but somehow it never sticks. if dex and nursey are both among the last alive, it’s definitely chowder.

dex: he’s WAY too defensive when he gets accused. granted, he gets a bit defensive even if he isn’t imposter, which results in him being voted off when he’s a crewmate, but he almost always gets caught as imposter. sometimes, someone nursey will accuse him for no reason just to see, and since he and chowder are the only ones who can tell when he’s crewmate-defensive and when he’s imposter-defensive, everyone follows their lead.

nursey: the dude pretty much only kills in electric, nav, and sometimes medbay, because he relies on being able to vent away immediately. if he runs straight to electric and the bodies are only showing up in those three places, it’s nursey. he’s not a strategist, okay?

lardo: you won’t know until the very end. she’s the master. give up now.

[unacaritafeliz]

Apropos of nothing, my brain went “SMH shared YouTube channel” so here’s (some of) the chaos I think that channel would be contain for Day 6 (Headcanons) of @omgcpanniversaryweek

Obviously baking and life updates with Bitty, “That’s the dang vlog”.

Song covers and TV reviews with Holster.

Drunk history with Jack and Shitty.

Johnson occasionally showing up and giving everyone an existential crisis. He didn’t show his face so everyone thought it was Shitty playing a prank. It was not.

Dex not making a video until his third year and then just spamming baking and handy-man videos.

Whiskey not making a video until his fourth year and using it to come out as bi.

Chowder being everyone’s favourite as he should be.

The Lardo, Nursey, Jack artistic collaboration. Lardo paints, Jack photographs and Nursey does the voiceover.

Nursey also does a lot of readings and reviews of of queer and ethnic literature.

HOCKEY SHIT with Ransom and Holster

BEST FRIEND COLLABORATIONS with Ransom and Holster

SAMWELL UNSOLVED with Ransom and Holster (and Mandy and Jenny)

Chowder and Farmer being the cutest shit ever.

Tango info-dumping everything he knows about a subject.

Shitty ranting about everything he knows on the same subject Tango info-dumped about.

Pop-culture lessons with Jack. Like that one extra where he doesn't know Destiny's Child.

Bitty making old-time desserts like that one aggressive dude on TikTok. The guy doesn't remind me of Bitty but the content is Bitty exactly.

The frogs doing some dumb fucking challenges which usually involves in someone getting hurt and Nursey and Dex not speaking for a week.

Team Collab: How quickly can we get kicked out of Annie’s?

Team Collab: How quickly can we get kicked out of Jerry's

Team Collab: How quickly can we get kicked out of Founder’s?

Pranks and home renos with Ollie and Wicky

ALSO the viewers know Ollie and Wicky are engaged long before any of their teammates ever do #the-disrespect

Uncle Wayne and Uncle Mario make a video with Jack as if they're not hockey royalty

Knitting with Foxtrot! She bitches about the boys while she knits.

Lardo and Farmer doing the boys’ makeup. And bitch about the boys while they do.

Tango and Chowder gaming. It gets very competitive. Goalie Chow definitely comes out

Those videos from La’Ron Hines where he interviews kids but it’s Tango asking questions and everyone giving him wrong answers.

Get Ready with Me with Bitty, shot by Jack the Photographer

Random videos of the team trying to trick Whiskey into laughing/admitting he likes them

Ethnic mukbang with Rans, Lardo, Nursey, Chowder and Foxtrot

The last video is the Zimbits Proposal video. No one (except Johnson) mentions the vlog is stopping after that, it just does

[finishyoureffingwip]

MasterList

Well, that’s a wrap! Thank you to everyone who participated in this event as creators, beta readers, and cheerleaders!

Here is the masterlist of works created for the event. If we accidentally left yours out, let us know and we’ll get it fixed as quickly as possible!

Mods Emi and Missweber

Original Music

Mic Check Please Track #1: Eighteen (not rated)

By marc0bot

Fic

I Don’t Want it at All (Rated M, Patater)

by bigspicysenpai

One fateful day at world juniors, Alexei spots the most beautiful guy he’s ever seen. He can’t say anything, unless he wants to out himself to his Russian teammates. The guy then gives him the jersey off his back to remember him by. Thus begins Alexei Mashkov’s incurable obsession with a certain Kent Parson…

5 times Alexei received or stole one of Kent’s shirts and 1 time Kent took his. ( Marginally less weird than it sounds)

In the Blue Hours of the Morning (Rated M, Ollie/Wicky)

by tapdancinglorax

Somewhere deep in the Samwells woods, there's a rickety old house. In the house, there are nine kids.

It’s Only a Change of Time (Rated M)

by missweber

Every hockey player knows the Stanley Cup is supposed to be magic.

Most of them know the stories about wishes and curses and visions of things that never happened.

A few players know for themselves what the Cup’s magic can do.

What no one knows is what the Cup’s magic is.

What it is, is old. Powerful. Dangerous.

And it has been waiting for someone like Jack Zimmermann for a very long time.

Too bad Jack can’t remember why. Or what he’s supposed to do about it.

Maybe Just a Little Homo (Rated T, Holsom)

by shadowysandwichphantom

"But you guys are now, like, brofriends?" Holster and Ransom look at each other, then back at Lardo.

"Absolutely," they say.

"With huge bromantic gestures and declarations of "full bromo love"?" Lardo asks. Ransom and Holster look at each other.

"Yoooooo…"

Mon fils, ma bataille (Rated T, Zimbits)

by emimix3

Bob wakes up.

It's not his bed, next to him, it's not his wife, and his baby son is nowhere to be found. And it's just the start of this very weird and emotional day.

Never Forget You (Rated M, Holsom)

by McBangle

Justin’s in his third year of medical school, pulling a late shift when he gets paged down to the Emergency Department. Adam has taken a hard check during a hockey rec league game and Justin is horrified to discover that his best bro and favorite person in the whole world can no longer recognize him. If Adam gets through this, Justin will never let him go again.

Paradise Found (Rated T, Zimbits)

by wrathofthestag

When Jack met Bitty at the Paradise Found club, he thought he had found a perfect dance partner—then one misunderstanding caused things to fall apart. A story about what happens when you misjudge someone but eventually open yourself up to friendship and love.

picking up what you’re putting down (Rated M, Holster/Ransom/Chowder)

by greenishbucket

Rans takes a gulping breath. “Holtzy, I don’t wanna freak you out,” he says, unsteady in a way that definitely freaks Holster out, “but I think I’m legit hallucinating things. Like, I honestly thought I saw Chris Chow in our fucking laundry room.”

A Rose by any Other Name (Rated T, Holsom)

by twostepsfromtemerant

Welcome to the newest season of The Bachelorette. After the heartbreak she experienced last season, April is back and ready for love. Watch along as April and this group of men go on the journey of a lifetime to find love. But as with any journey, it isn’t always a straight path. Heartbreak and drama abound, including something never before seen in the history of Bachelor Nation…

sharpies and soulmates (Rated G, Zimbits)

by peach-p0t

“You’re trying to bribe me into makin’ a fool of myself in from of Jack Zimmermann?”

“Is it working?”

Bitty is offered $100 by his teammates if only he can get the Jack Zimmermann to sign his forehead after a Falcs game. He can’t just let that cash go down the drain.

universal guide on setting up your friends together (Rated T, Zimbits, Nurseydex, Charmer, Holsom)

by blepbean

It’s near the Screw dance and the frogs are on edge, just after Chowder bumps into Farmer, Nursey and Dex spin up a plan to set the two of them up together using a twitter thread from Bitty’s old twitter. It sends a chain reaction with everyone trying to set everyone up together, including Holster and Ransom. What follows as a simple plan turns into something that can be dangerous, with the chaos of everyone setting each other up and potentially letting some feelings come through.

You see, it feels like I’m starting to care (Rated T, Zimbits)

by RabbitRunnah

Jack’s always been most at home on the ice. But sometimes he does his best thinking while he’s running.

[forabeatofadrum]

The draft of the proposal speech

Summary: Jack is trying to write a perfect proposal speech for Bitty. Their friends are very unhelpful.

Notes: I wrote this on a whim and it’s based on this amazing text post by unconventional-turtle plus the addition of birkholtzlovebot. Enjoy.

AO3

--

The Falconers get kicked out during the first rounds of the play-offs. Many are surprised. The team goes from a Stanley Cup win to a short season, but Jack... well, he strangely enough doesn’t mind. In fact, for the first time in his life, he sees the lack of hockey as an opportunity.

He enjoys his free time and he hangs out with Tater, who still insists on living with him.

But one day, Tater leaves for Russia to visit family, so Jack packs up his things and he drives to Boston. 

The inhabitants of Haus 2.0 welcome him with open arms, except for the non-Samwell roommate, who also wants Jack to straight-up die.

He spends his time hanging out with friends, jogging through Boston, and helping out.

When he tells his friends his plans to propose, he gets an overly enthusiastic “YEEEEEEEHAW MOTHERFUCKERS!!!” from Shitty, so he sees that as a good sign.

He knew that his friends were going to chirp him for writing his speech. He didn’t expect everyone to act like they were the ones being proposed to.

--

Jack is lying on the (clean!) couch in the living room. He’s reading his possible proposal speech out loud. Holster is leaning against the doorframe, eating cereal. He just woke up and he looks dreadful.

“And you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Because of that, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Do you want that? Will you marry me?”

“Dude, no,” Holster lets out a long sigh and Jack looks at him, “I’m fucking Ransom.”

Jack wants to yell out a “I didn’t ask you”, but he’s too dumbfounded by the confession. Everyone saw it coming and Shitty’s already looking for a new potentional roommate for when one of their rooms become free after they move in the same one, but they never actually said it.

Holster has a smug smile on his face when he sees that Jack is speechless. He’s succeeded.

Jack nods, picks up his stuff, and leaves. He hears Holster laugh.

--

“Ransom, how about his?”

“Hm?” Ransom looks up from his book. Even though he’s no longer a student, he still likes to read interesting text books. Jack can relate.

“I’ve loved you since forever and I can’t wait to continue loving you for the rest of my life. I don’t ever wanna be apart from you. You’ve changed my life for the better and I am eternally grateful. Will you marry me?”

“Of course, man!” Ransom closes his book and he grins, “Lemme text Holtzy real quick. I guess I gotta break up with him.”

“No!” Jack groans, “Not you. Do you think Bitty will marry me after I ask him that?”

Ransom shrugs and says: “That dude will obvs marry you, but if you need to add a bit more spice to your speech, I’m your man. I have an Excel sheet on you and Bitty’s-”

“Bye, Ransom.”

--

Since Jack is the only one with a lot of free time, he cooks dinner a lot. He’s learned from Bitty. While cooking, he’s rehearsing a possible speech out loud.

“You are the most talented, loving, beautiful, amazing person I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. You are great at hockey. You are even better than hockey. I love you so much. Will you marry me?”

“Fuck no. Y’all are so fucking weird.”

Jack looks to the side and he sees the non-Samwell roommate standing in the kitchen in front of the fridge. She shakes her head while she avoids eye contact. She grabs something to drink and then walks away. 

Jack can hear her mutter.

“I need to move the fuck out.”

--

Bitty might’ve adopted Chowder as his frog, but Ransom and Holster have adopted Nursey and Dex. The two of them visit for the weekend, so of course Chowder comes along. The three of them know about the proposal plan.

Dex is inflating the air mattresses in the corner of the living room while Jack is once again writing his speech.

“Thanks to you, my life is worth living again. I wake up with a smile knowing I will see you that day. I want to wake up every day of my life with that smile, with you next to me. Will you marry me?”

“Of course, man, it’s an honour!” Dex yells from the corner.

Jack shakes his head, although he tries to suppress a smile. A few years ago, Dex would’ve scoffed at the thought of him marrying another guy, but now he’s joking along. Jack loves it.

--

“Lards, you’re the creative one. Help me out.”

Lardo snorts. “Dude, I draw dicks for a living. I can hardly call that creative.”

“They’re nice dicks! That’s creative.”

Lardo playfully rolls her eyes. “Yes, you would know. Alright, what’s up?”

“Listen to this.” Jack’s even written it down this time.

“Alright. Ah, the speech. Lay it on me!”

Jack clears his throat.

“It’s as if in every lifetime you and I have ever lived, we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, and over and over for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime because all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you. Will you marry me?”

Lardo raises an eyebrow. Jack is looking at her expectantly.

“I’m not marrying you if you start quoting Glee!”

“Oh, shit, I knew it sounded familiar.”

--

“I love you so, so, so much. I will shout it from the rooftops if I have to. But I won’t, because instead I am here in front of you and I am telling you how much I love you in the best way how. Will you marry me?”

“Chyeah,” Nursey says while he’s chilling on the couch, “I prefer a winter wedding.”

“Oh, I prefer a summer wedding,” Jack says.

“Well, engagement is over then,” Nursey deadpans. 

“But for real, is that okay?” Jack asks. Nursey is the literature and poetry guy. He must have an opinion.

Nursey sits up and he smiles. “Dude, you didn’t mention hockey. I see that as a win.”

--

“Shitty-”

“YES.”

“But I-”

“MY ANSWER IS YES.”

“I didn’t even-”

“YES, YES, YES! JACK ZIMMERMANN, YOU GORGEOUS MOTHERFUCKER, OF COURSE I WILL MARRY YOU!”

Jack turns on his heels and walks away. He’s not gonna win this. Hopefully, Bitty will be this eager.

--

“And it’s because of you that this place and this rink and the last four years of my life mean something and were the best years of my life. You are the kindest person I have met and I used to think that my life would start after I graduated, but it didn’t. It started here and it started with you. Will you marry me?”

“Oh, uh, uhhhh,” Chowder looks like a deer caught in headlines, “Jack!!! I- you’re my friend and I am flattered but-”

“Chowder?” Jack frowns. He can’t seriously think that Jack is asking him to marry him. “Chowder. I’m obviously rehearsing to ask Bittle to marry me.”

“No, I know!!! And I think it’s great!!! You’re great and so it Bitty!!!” Chowder yells out. Then he rubs the back of his neck and he looks embarrassed. “But Dex and Nursey said to answer you as if you were to ask me to marry you. And I’m so sorry, Jack, but even hypothetically, I can’t- and- and- uh, not because you aren’t good enough! I just love Farmer too much!!!”

Jack barks out a laugh. “Chris Chow, never change!”

The nervousness leaves Chowder’s face and he joins in. The two of them laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“Maybe I should add Bitty’s name to it, so that it’s absolutely clear that I am asking him,” Jack looks at his notes. He doesn’t want to go down on one knee, ask Bittle that big question, only to have all his teammates answer from their hiding spot.

Chowder looks over Jack’s shoulder to the sheet of paper. He’s reading the full speech and he nods appreciatively. 

“Jack, I think this is it.”

“Yeah?”

Chowder has a huge smile on his face. “Yeah.”

--

Jack’s standing at center ice, waiting for Bitty to arrive. The others are hidden behind the boards. Jack can hear them laugh and giggle.

When they hear Bitty arriving, they go dead silence. They’re waiting.

“Took you long enough, Bittle,” Jack jokes when Bitty finally starts skating.

It’s time. Jack has rehearsed his speech with the help of his friends and now the wait is finally over. He’s ready.

[parvuls]

coming @you with some more woke opinions:

in the kegster after jack proposes, bitty is drunk off champagne and euphoria and he and lardo are dancing together because he loves lardo, lardo is always there for what he needs, and lardo says, "YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!" and bitty shouts, "YEAH!!! BE MY BEST MAN??" and lardo maybe cries, you can't prove it

later, holster and ransom help bitty out to the car because our boy is drunk but also Tired (he graduated and got engaged and danced and it was a lot), and the three of them stand there hugging for a moment, bitty held between their giant bodies, because bitty is their frog and they're kinda emotional, okay?

and maybe bitty forgot, or maybe he just doesn't think about it, but there's tears in his eyes and he loves them, they're exactly the type of boys he spent his childhood fearing and he loves them, so he mumbles, "y'all... will you be my best men?", and. holster may still be crying when ransom and he walk back into the house.

also later, maybe a few days later, after jack asked shitty to be his best man, lardo asks jack how he feels in their private deets exchange chat. and they meet for coffee and jack is nervously stirring his teaspoon and then he asks her, "lards, i want you to be a groomsman. will you?" and she will, of course she will.

and then he thinks, and thinks, and one day he calls ransom and it's a very jack-typical conversation, he asks ransom how he's doing and then spends five minutes complimenting his game and his skills as a captain and awkwardly saying he always appreciated him and he was one of the teammates jack was always most fond of, and ransom is like, staring at the wall because he loves jack, they're bros, and they're pretty tight, but he has no idea what jack is trying to get to. and then jack clears his throat and asks, "so, uh. i wondered. if you'll agree to being a groomsman?", and ransom never knew jack held him in such high regard but holy shit.

bitty asks dex and chowder to be groomsmen in one of his trips to the haus (chowder is so excited he gets cake on the ceiling, dex has to excuse himself to come back composed), and jack asks tater to be a groomsman on the first practice after the summer. and then bitty calls shitty one morning, and babbles on and on, and finally says, "shitty, i know jack asked you to be his best man and that's fine, but it feels wrong not to at least ask - will you be my groomsman, too?" and shitty agrees so quickly bitty doesn't get the words out.

but then some time passes, because they agreed on a long engagement. and when they finally start planning the wedding somehow... the best men discussion never comes up (there's no traditional tasks, because everyone does everything and they have so many friends and teammates it's insane).

anyway, the day of the ceremony the wedding party gathers, and realizes what all close friend groups eventually realize: most of them don't know who they're officially there for. whose groomsman is whose? who is bitty's official best man?

and it doesn't really matter. because they're there for both of them, and they all love jack and bitty so much, and when they stand there at the altar they stand in a semi-circle so tight you'll never know who is on whose side.

[uncleshits]

SMH AMONG US HEADCANONS

They all started playing different games over discord together (mostly simple games like ACNH and Minecraft) after Chowder moved back to California to play for the Sharks as a way to keep up with each other, then started doing it more regularly once quarantine started

The frogs discovered the game from some of Dex's coworkers, and introduced it to the rest of the crew during their weekly catch-up call/game night

None of them are allowed to have Samwell red bc so many of them (mostly Jack, Bitty, Holster, and Shitty) wanted to have it and they decided as a group to all pick other colors

More player details under the cut!

Bitty Bite: Picked yellow because it’s his favorite color after Samwell red (somehow yellow always reminds him of Jack) and the chef’s hat. Votes very quickly and goes with his gut a lot during meetings. His gut is usually wrong. Vents often, but he’s actually surprisingly good at not getting caught doing it.

Jack: Much like the “cruel sheep empire”, Jack is 110% invested in the game and 110% invested in the roleplay. He picked Falc’s blue, and the spacesuit and helmet bc it would be practical to wear if he was really in space, and he’s completely dedicated to getting his tasks done. As an imposter, he targets Holster 90% of the time by either following him until he can kill him if he’d already split up from Ransom, or killing Ransom right in front of Holster and blaming Holster. Somehow it always works and Holster gets ejected. Jack also doesn't really know how to use discord, so he often forgets to mute himself, which doesn't really matter until he starts muttering under his breath about doing tasks or killing someone. Doesn't really understand “_______ is sus

RansyPoo and Holsom: Matching suits which they picked because they both got promotions at work the day the group started playing. Sometimes they switch colors and suits for fun, but they always keep their own hats and names. Holster picked the egg hat (obviously) and Ransom picked the party hat because he will always be a party boy at heart. They always go do the “visual” tasks first to clear each other. They stick together most of the time, and often play “third imposter” for the other when needed.

Sir Shit: Custom hat based on his real hat made by Lardo. Will swear and scream CONSTANTLY while playing. When the reactor starts failing, he sees someone vent, he gets killed, you name it, Shitty is screaming up a storm.

DuckDuan: Made herself a custom skin and Ducky hat after Chowder commissioned her to make his skin. Absolutely unstoppable as an imposter, will throw her fellow imposter under the bus WITHOUT HESITATION. Almost always silent in meetings unless she called it or has something important to say. Her “_____ is sus” will get anyone ejected immediately. Closes doors and sabotages constantly.

The frogs play together a lot more than they do with OG 6, (closer to every other night as opposed to once a week) since it’s easier to get 3 people together at once than 9 busy people. They also sometimes invite Chowder’s teammates or Nursey or Dex’s coworkers.

Sharkboy: After Chowder found out you can add custom skins/hats to your own game he immediately commissioned Lardo to make him a custom Shark’ hoodie skin and shark fin for his game and had Dex walk him through installing it. Loves venting but gets caught more than he would like.

Dr. Nurse: His “character” is both the ship’s doctor and botanist, and he really loves doing roleplay of his character (“As a doctor, the bone sticking out of his torso and his missing head means he’s most definitely dead.”) He even roped Dex into doing a themed character as well. Always tries to kill Dex first just to annoy him, or says “orange is sus” at the beginning of every meeting.

Handy Manny: Picked his name and costume at Nursey's suggestion, and he actually really thinks it suits his playstyle. Dex really really loves just doing tasks, and he actually doesn't really mind getting killed that much as crewmate because he can float through walls as a ghost and get his tasks done faster. As imposter, he sabotages with reactor meltdowns and O2 failures often.

psst check out this post by @heeyjuuuude for more smh imposter headcanons I'm 100% in love with

[birlcholtz]

Friendship Week Day 1: First Impressions, Jack & Chowder

When Chris meets Jack Zimmermann, the first thing he thinks is, I thought he'd be taller.

It's not like Jack Zimmermann is small, or anything—he's a perfectly reasonable height for a hockey player! And everyone on the team looks tall next to Bitty or Lardo. But Nursey and Dex are both taller than Jack, which is just weird.

The second thing Chris thinks is, I don't want to piss him off.

He's pretty sure the other frogs feel the same way. Everyone else on the team jokes around with Jack, and Holster seems to actively try to annoy him, but Jack has a lot of... grit, or something. Something Chris does not want to see turned his way, at least not before he has a chance to suitably impress Jack with his hockey skills. Or hockey competence. Hockey decency? Anyway. Chris is going to try to not be annoying until he's sure that Jack likes him. He's not really sure how he's going to determine that, but he'll figure something out.

Their very first full-team meeting wraps up, and Coach Hall and Coach Murray go back into their office, and the other guys all charge out into the hallway talking about team lunch, and Chris is following them when Jack catches up to him and says, "Hey. Chowder, right?"

Chris nods slowly. "Yeah." Then he worries that sounds unenthusiastic and rushes to add, "I'm still getting used to the nickname! But I'm sure it'll only take a couple days."

Jack shrugs. "I wouldn't know. But I just wanted to let you know, I saw the tapes you sent in with your application, and they're really good. We'll be figuring out line-ups for a while, but you definitely have a shot at starting goalie."

"Are you serious?" In the letter he'd gotten from John Johnson, the starting goalie who had graduated last spring, Johnson had said something like that, but the whole letter had been so weird that it had kind of slipped off of Chris's radar. He'd been more concerned about all the references to narrative structure.

"I am." Jack's mouth pulls into a hint of a smile. "It's nerve-wracking to join a new team, eh? It might take you some time to get your feet under you at practices because of that. So I just thought I'd let you know that you don't have to worry too much if you make mistakes as you're starting out. You already made the team, and you're good."

"Wow." Chris grins—he can't help himself. "Thanks, Jack!"

Jack nods. "Anytime, Chowder." Ransom yells something about bacon at him from up ahead, and he jogs to catch up, which leaves Chris at the back of the group.

But he doesn't mind. He's got a good feeling about Samwell, and his first year, and this team. Being Chowder.

[flybittybooty]

omgcp teachers au for #wipitgood :)

they all teach at samwell prep, a new england magnet school (bitty moved up from georgia the year before and absolutely abhors the cold). he and shitty bond over their college hockey days and shitty introduces him to ransom and holster, his college teammates, and lardo, their ex-manager. jack comes back about two months into the school year after he has surgery to repair the damage in his knee from the NHL damage, just in time for the hockey season to start (jack, along with ransom and holster, coach the hockey team because it’s a magnet school in new england of COURSE they’d have hockey).

bitty teaches home ec. this is completely expected. but then he also ends up teaching some shit like multivariable calculus through some strange turn of events and all his former home ec students feel like they’ve got whiplash

jack is a history teacher. he’s very good at his job. but he’s also the teacher who, if you ask him the right questions, will most definitely go on an hour-long ramble on how actually the plague was in part caused by the romans and—

shitty is also a history teacher. probably something modern and most definitely something concerned with class structure. he also sponsors the debate team. people have mistaken him for a student multiple times

lardo teaches art and petitions for the principal to allow her to use chainsaws in school for her lessons

nobody is sure what ransom and holster teach. they both do something STEM-y but the name plates outside their classrooms have fallen off and sometimes they’ll just switch classes. no one dares say anything. anyways, they all end up actually learning.

johnson teaches philosophy. everyone sleeps in his class. he doesn’t give a shit. “i’m just here perfunctorily,” he says every year in the yearbook.

the frogs are all TAs— jack and shitty share nursey, ransom and holster have dex, and bitty takes chowder. lardo refuses a TA on principle but she lets nursey come in and help unofficially sometimes.

bitty nearly has an aneurysm when he tries to teach his class how to make pecan pie and all of his students pronounce it the new englander way. jack is passing by and bitty asks him how he pronounces it. “pecan,” jack says. “why do you— wait why is your face so red?”

he is very displeased that this new “mr. bittle” keeps giving his players frosting-laden treats before practice— doesn’t he know that none of these kids wash their hands and get smears of frosting all over the locker room and then jack has to clean it up (not really but he feels guilty having the custodial staff do it). the treats get messier and messier until one day the freshman goalie drips the contents of an entire lava cake onto the floor and he has to confront bitty about it.

bitty looks at him for ten seconds before bursting out into laughter. jack immediately transforms into a tomato

bitty reassures him that they’re about to go into the sewing unit, and any treats he’ll bring in will be “strictly of the mess-less variety, don’t you worry”

jack thanks bitty very awkwardly (he hadn’t thought this far ahead)

bitty invites him to try some of the pecan pie (“but only if you don’t butcher the pronunciation—” “i’m just saying pecan! wait bittle your face is really red again are you okay—” “NO”) and after the whole pecan-pecan thing they actually have a really good time and end up talking until the school shuts the lights off

shitty chirps them endlessly, as do ransom and holster

joke’s on them though because when jack and bitty move in together jack gets an endless supply of treats

the next year bitty arranges it so that he teaches his multivariable calc class or whatever last (e.g. he is not giving the hockey players incredibly messy food right before practice)

he gets chirped for that too

he withholds treats for two days and the chirping stops

three years later some of their wedding favors are lava cakes

jack suggested mini pecan pies but bitty shot that down (“i will NOT have the guests at my wedding saying ‘pecan’ the whole time”)

they all live happily ever after

the end

[klimpaloon-loves-superwholock]

So the #checkplease stream tonight was absolutely wild and I just wanted to post about some of the highlights:

- yee haw country Bitty

- jack’s so into goon bitty

- the need for try guy content

- fry guy’s roommate tripping over a rock. in their house.

- lardo being censored by twitch for some reason but shitty’s okay

- take me to snurch (snail church)

- ngozi’s absolutely iconic music choices

- celine standard time

- tater is fry guy is holster is tater

- maybe the real tater ransom loved was just holster all along

- everyone singing along in the chat

- the Slow Zooms

- when round 9 came on at the end of the stream and everyone went feral

- "i'd like to thank snod and also snesus..."

- "tater is taller than holster but they're also the same height"

- tater just gently holding a piece of pie in his hand

- all the wlw are thirsty for lardo and george

- snack zimmermann

- beyonthe

- ngozi laughing at how stupid the chat is

- sneline dion

- everyone guessing correctly that lardo photoshopped bitty’s pic

- everyone getting really emotional when halo came on

- everyone was sharing 1 braincell and ngozi had it about 45% of the time

- the sharkboy and lavagirl au

- (chowder is sharkboy, dex is lavagirl, bitty's max, nursey's electricidad, and jack’s the ice princess, btw)

- (the dream journal is either the vlog or the tweets)

- nursey can be george lopez. as a treat

- all the aus actually

- everyone roasting ngozi for still using tidal instead of spotify

- the other frogs chirping dex for not being able to spell

- dex’s ears are so big because they’re full of secrets. he hears everything that happens in the haus

- ngozi: i’m not gonna draw a big holster

- ngozi: immediately draws a big holster

- “eric bittle’s boyfriend”

and of course...

- IT’S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOWWWWW