#clark has massive guilt and trauma

[nerdpoe]

Stop Having a Concussion and Get us Home!

Tim works as the CEO of Wayne Enterprises. Tim has a secretary, and then he has another one to help her because holy shit, the amount of crap Tam puts up with is insane and she needs an assistant of her own.

Tim's second secretary is one Danny Fenton.

Tim, Tam, and Danny are the last ones in Wayne Enterprises, as the building had to be evacuated due to Superman being mind-controlled and targeting major corporations.

Superman targets Wayne Enterprises.

Tim looks out the window as he his secretaries make their way towards the emergency exit, and there he is.

Floating there.

Staring at him.

Tim swears he can see his Uncle Clark sobbing as his eyes heat up.

Then Danny grabs him, yanks him into the stairwell, and just as the building starts to crumble around them, shoves both Tim and Tam into a glowing green portal.

Danny takes a blow to the head.

They land on a floating island, in a swirling vortex of green, and the one who got them there is unconscious on the ground with a nasty headwound.

Meanwhile, after the Justice League manages to snap Superman out of it, the man throws himself at Batmans feet and just...sobs.

Breaks.

They get the story in bits and pieces.

Tim was in the building, still. The burning, twisted wreckage of Wayne Enterprises.

And Clark can't hear his heartbeat anymore.

@simplestoryteller

[facelessfrey]

I woke up mad and have been mad all day so let’s discuss the disrespectful absurdity that was Bellamy’s death on the 100 some more. 

JRoth’s tweet really pissed me off a lot. Ultimately, he’s not wrong when he says the 100 has always been a dark show about hard choices and what people would do to survive. It’s just that I don’t think any of that played into Bellamy’s death at all. I’ve been thinking about all of the other major character deaths across the seasons and how, even the ones I hated and have massive issues with, still somehow seem more respectful to the characters than what he did to Bellamy. Keep reading for the rant:

Season 1 - Wells (and to an extent Charlotte)

Wells - Wells is a bit of a tricky one since it happened so fast and I know there are people still upset about it. But it set the tone for the show, the tone that JRoth is so proud of and referencing for Bellamy’s death. But I think you can get away with a shock value death in season one to kick things off. They also set up the situation fairly well, playing up just how harsh things are on the ark, that most of their parents had been floated. I can understand how Charlotte, who is just a child, reached that conclusion, especially with Bellamy’s maybe misguided advice (although that’s clearly not what he meant). I also don’t know that there was really a place for another presumably male lead in season one alongside Bellamy and Finn. So I get it. But also, Wells still had a chance to repair things with Clarke before he was killed. She discovered the truth and knew that he lied to protect her. He didn’t die with her hating him. It was a truncated arc, but it was something. 

Charlotte - And arguably, Charlotte’s death kind of needed to happen. There wasn’t really any way for her to continue on with them after what she’d done and at least it was her choice, however tragic it all was. 

Season 2 - Finn and Maya

Finn - As with Wells, Finn’s death is something I think you can get away with and can be viewed as edgy in an early season. It’s upping the stakes and reminding you that this is a show that will put these characters in impossible situations. And they still had a male lead left in Bellamy, plus Murphy and Jasper and even a character like Miller were rising in the ranks and there to fill in the gaps. Plus a whole host of new characters. Killing Finn was a gutsy move but one I could respect. They took him down a dark path and instead of absolving him for it because he was a main character, they made him pay for it. But unlike Bellamy, Finn realized what he did was wrong. He couldn’t live with the guilt. He couldn’t live with the way Clarke was looking at him. He knew the truce with the Grounders was important and he knew he was the key. He made the choice to give himself up. He had agency. He got to have one last escape attempt with his friends, say his goodbyes to everyone. And even still, they let him die with some amount of dignity rather than being tortured to death. And Clarke killing him worked in a way her killing Bellamy doesn’t. What he did was directly tied to her. Only she could forgive him in those final moments. There were multiple episodes of build up to this death, it was the story of the whole episode it happened in. It was expected but also a bold move for the show. 

Maya - This was a death about hard choices and survival. The audience had grown to like Maya throughout the season, seeing her stand up for what was right and going against her own people. She didn’t deserve the end she got. But Clarke and Bellamy and Monty were put in an impossible situation and it was either the lives of all their friends and family or death in a very inhumane way because the mountain never would have stopped. And the way it was set up, with us and them watching Raven and Abby being drilled into, the choice was painful but clear. And it had been building to this moment for an entire season. 

Season 3 - Lexa and Lincoln

Lexa - Lexa had arguably one of the most controversial deaths on the show. And I know there were behind the scenes reasons for it with the actress having another show to film. I don’t know how much availability she would have had. I don’t know how necessary it was to remove her from the narrative. I don’t want to get into it I will just assume for these purposes, that she had to be killed off. And I’ve always said with respect to Lexa, that I didn’t mind that they killed her off, it was how they did it. But compared to Bellamy’s death, even her controversial one feels less disrespectful to the character. It may be worse due to lesbian death tropes and that’s a larger issue, but in terms of the show story, I don’t think it was as bad. First of all, she was only a character for a season and a half. Second, her death directly affected the plot that had been hinted at all season and carried out in a major way through the rest of it. Now I hate that she died immediately after having sex by a stray bullet from a guy who should not have been holding a gun in the first place. I hate it. I would have much rather she went down fighting or stepping in front of a bullet for Clarke or something. But at least she got to finally resolve things with Clarke. They reconciled. They said they loved each other. She knew was was going to die at the end and she got to have her final moments with Clarke. Clarke got to do the whole may we meet again speech. Despite the issues, it was a beautiful moment. 

Lincoln - This death has always been the one that pissed me off the most. Again I know there were behind the scenes issues and he also had another show. Again I don’t know how much filming availability he would have or how necessary his death was. Again, let’s assume it was because people can’t just go off somewhere else for a new start on this show. But I still always hated how he went out, being executed in the mud. He should have gone down fighting at the very least. However, even more at the very least, because that’s what we’re getting into here, Lincoln did die because he was defending his people. That’s the bare minimum here but at least he had that. He was true to himself. I hated that he didn’t really get a final moment with Octavia, but hey, at least she was present. Extremely low bar but still, better than Bellamy’s death from a writing perspective. 

Season 4 - Jasper (Roan, Illian, Luna)

Jasper - Jasper’s is a sad tale. He spent two seasons basically completely depressed after the events of season two. There really wasn’t anywhere else to take his character at that point, so I understood and was ready for him to go. It made sense as an end for his character and he got to go out on his own terms and not take the spot in the bunker of someone who truly wanted to live. He got to have his final moments with Monty. It was a good end for him. 

Roan, Illian and Luna - I wouldn’t call them major characters per say, perhaps Roan and Luna but we got to know all of them fairly well. They were expendable characters for the most part but they at least got to die fighting for their people and that’s a respectable way to go out. 

Season 5 - Jaha, Monty and Harper

Jaha - Jaha was a character who did go down a sort of cult path. It probably would have been easy to kill him off in season 3 as a result of that. And if it had been a high stakes, last resort, have to kill Jaha to get to ALIE to save everyone, I could have respected that. But they didn’t. They let him survive that. They let him see the error of his ways. He spent season four determined to save his people from what he helped to unleash. He didn’t do it in the right way but even then, finally, in season 5, he was redeemed a bit, helping to maintain the peace in the bunker and helping Octavia gain control. And he had Octavia and Marcus and Abby there at his end. It was fitting. He got to say his goodbyes. 

Monty and Harper - I was very sad to say goodbye to them but they went out on their own terms. They got probably the happiest ending out of anyone on this show. They got to live their lives how they chose and be together and having a son. And they did all of that while finding a way to give their friends, their family, their people a fresh start. And they got to say goodbye, albeit through video, but it was touching and lovely. 

Season 6 - Shaw, Kane and Abby

Shaw - Shaw was another one that was killed off because he had another show, which is fine. It sucked for Raven and it was sad the character only got one season. Although considering the seasons that followed, I think he should count himself lucky really. But again, he died helping out his friends and Raven. It was a sacrifice and he knew what he was doing. 

Kane - Again, another person who had other commitments. And they did some weird body swap stuff to extend his time a little longer. But I loved that they had actual Kane there at the end anyway to say goodbye to Abby even if it wasn’t really him that she was seeing. It was a nice touch, and a better way to say goodbye to the character. He also chose to let go. It was on his terms and he got his goodbye with Abby. And there were good parallels to floating both men she loved. 

Abby - I’m not fond of the way they killed off Abby since she was basically dead once they took over her body. So that was unfortunate. But at least prior to the body swapping, she did have that last scene with Clarke where they kind of reconciled. And if I recall, she had some last moments with Jackson and Raven too. And those matter. 

Season 7 - Diyoza and Bellamy

Diyoza - By season seven, I’m honestly kind of over major character deaths. I don’t really want them. I just want to see these characters that I love survive all of the trauma of the show and find peace, but I understand that I’m never going to get that. It’s fine. I was sad to see Diyoza go, but her sacrificing herself for her daughter, for the people who became her family, kind of “for all mankind” to use a phrase I hate now, was a fitting way for her to go out since she was introduced to us as a terrorist. And she got to say her goodbyes. This is clearly an important theme for me. 

Bellamy - And then we circle back to my rage. Bellamy kind of took the path of Finn in a way, or perhaps his season 3 arc, which he didn’t really pay for so much. Not the way Finn did anyway because all of a sudden Blood must not have Blood. Plus, Pike was the rightful scapegoat for all of that. But this season saw Bellamy get caught up in yet another man’s bullshit idea of what was right. That was frustrating enough, but I guess it was somewhat in character. It’s just all the more frustrating because the Second Dawn/Shepherd nonsense is just that, nonsense. His sudden anti grounder status in season 3 were motivations that made at least some sense. He’d been fighting them since day one basically. They betrayed them at Mount Weather, which meant they had to kill everyone there, which meant he lost Clarke. And then Echo’s betrayal killed his three episode girlfriend, Gina. Plus Pike was a man he’d respected on the arc. The motivations always felt fairly thin to me since Gina was so minor, but overall, they make sense. 

This season has been all over the place. The storylines have been mostly nonsensical. The nature of the different timelines meant that there were many episodes where we had to backtrack to fill in gaps, which meant the story was basically at a standstill for the whole middle of the season. We have zero sympathy for Bill and his cult followers. They’re not interesting. The Mount Weather people were brutal and doing terrible things, but I understood their need to survive. These Second Dawn people don’t have that same motivation. They’re fine. And so much of it is driven by the flame, which Bill wants for selfish reasons along with the stupid key code. He wants to know if there’s any of his daughter in there, which goes against all his teachings and what he’s trying to suck Bellamy into. And all of that is really just to set up a spinoff no one is going to want to watch at this point anyway after all of this. It’s kind of insulting. 

And we see all of this Bellamy development in one episode late in the season and then he just betrays all his friends and family. He only shows the slightest hint of questioning. He just flat out tells Echo she doesn’t matter more than the cult. He doesn’t even have a scene with just his sister. He gets one good scene with Clarke but then is like “eh torture her it’s fine”. And then we get to this episode, where he barely interacts with his friends that he’s with. They spend most of the episode rolling their eyes at him and mocking his clothing choices. They set up the stupid sketchbook in a rushed little scene with Madi and Clarke just so in the last thirty seconds Sheidheda, who my god should be dead now (Indra I’m looking at you), can say “hey check out that book”. And Bellamy picks up this book that we’ve seen like once or twice earlier in the season that was fairly inconsequential then. We don’t even fully understand what’s in it that’s so crucial that Bellamy can’t show Bill. And that’s what Clark shoots him for? Really? And shoots to kill? Which was highly unnecessary to get her hands on that book. And then she didn’t even take the stupid book in the first place. 

So Bellamy Blake, main male lead of the series, hero and leader to his people, gets murdered by his closest most trusted friend, his person, without getting to realize that the cult stuff was bullshit, without getting any chance to redeem himself, for a book that really doesn’t even seem to matter. And he dies alone. None of his family or friends are around. No one is reciting the may we meet again speech. He never got a final scene to reconcile with his sister. He never had any real final moments with anyone else. He just disappeared in the first five minutes of the premier, showed up eleven episodes later, a brainwashed cult follower and that’s how he died. That’s frankly bullshit. And a massive disservice to his character, to Clarke’s character, to the show. And the fact that they barely had Clarke try and shake him out of his brainwashing. The fact that his friends just mocked him instead of trying to help him. It’s just not what this show was built on. It’s not. It’s one absurdity after another. It’s insulting. 

And the fact that every other character I’ve listed here at least got something, some kind of minor positive to their passing but Bellamy got none of those things?! Not fighting for a cause or a people the audience is rooting for or siding with. And no final goodbyes with the people he loves. Even Clarke only did her crying once she went through the stupid portal. I’m just mad. I should feel devastated by his death, but at least feel like he died for something. He died for nothing and that’s the saddest part of it all.  

[jupitermelichios]

Smallville S3E1: Exile

So much happens in this episode and I am not emotionally invested in any of it. Not even Lex staring in the Castaway x Shutter Island crossover movie absolutely no one asked for.

Apparently ending S2 of a teen genre show with your main character peacing out after major trauma and then opening S3 three months later with your MC living undercover was just a thing. Although Buffy at least had it be her own trauma she was running from not a weird guilt complex thing where she has to make other people’s trauma all about her like Clark apparently has!

So Clark is living in Metropolis, dosed up on Red Kryptonite under the name Kal… and fucking robbing banks for a living! His solution to being sad is to just fucking take loads of magic space PCP and rob banks. You know, like a normal well adjusted person.

Lex aparently didn’t save himself from that plane crash, and is now legally dead. Given I know he’s in every season of this show, I’m really rooting for ‘living undercover as a hardboiled detective while he tries to uncover the truth’ for his s3 storyline

So as well as robbing banks for a living, Clark is also acting as a vigilante specifically stopping people robbing banks. Because even evil!Clark has to find ways to be a hyprocit.

You know a few years ago I’d have been like, why the fuck did the police just open fire on that unarmed man, and why did Clark just murder a load of cops, but it’s 2020 and I’m so tired and everyone involved in this scene is awful so fuck it, let them all kill each other

Holy shit I was right last episode, Clark has been gone for three months and everyone’s lives are better. Martha seems kind of sad and Lex is apparently dead, but everyone else is doing great!

Either they got a massive budget hike between seasons or they used their entire budget on this episode; we’ve had licenced music, CGI and Rutger Hauer all the in the first ten minutes

Apparently in the last three months the Kents have rebuilt their house and repurchased all their furniture. Like the exact same furniture. Like they couldn’t be bothered to get a new set so it’s literally the same kitchen

Okay so Lex just woke up on a deserted island with some other random guy and has apparently been living there for months and also has malaria but turns out malaria is nbd and just gives you occasional weird dreams and i’m pretty sure this is all just an excuse to have Michael Rosenbaum wander around set topless

So it’s Lex’s funeral, and I fucking adore how John Glover is playing Lionel’s speech. He looks so fucking bored. His words say it’s hard for a father to bury his son, but his face says “i’m missing Ellen for this”

Wait, cupboard sex doctor is here. What the fuck kind of explanation did she give anyone for how she escaped a plane crash?!

I think that’s three dramatic shirt rips so far and we’re only like ten minutes in

Holy shit the Kents also rebuilt the fucking barn. Why?! Why did they rebuild the exact same bloody barn?! Also apparently none of this was insured because they’re now going bust and moving into the empty apartment above the Talon. Apparently rebuilding an entire sound stage set is expensive, who knew!

Okay black widow angry cupboard sex doctor vs lionel luthor is the lionel family drama I’m here for. She should definitely marry Lex’s brother next and kill him off next, just as soon as the writers remember they gave Lex a brother

Exactly two people have worn sunglasses like that, Cyclops and apparently Clark Kent. Neither of them can pull them off

Apparently Lana’s solution to Clark going missing is to just fuck off to find him without telling anyone where she was going. Becuase two people going missing instead of one clearly improves the situation!

Wow, so the guy who’s on the same desert island as Lex is the son of a rich businessman who was emotionally abusive and who also has weird queer coding. Clearly they’re soulmates! The fact that the dude wants to murder Lex with a machete is maybe putting some kind of a crimp in the relationship but given Lex’s history I’m sure they can work through it.

Oh wow, there’s coincidence plots and then there’s Rutger Hauer hiring PCP!Clark to break into Lionel’s office to steal Kryptonite

Well then. Apparently Lex’s soulmate is a malaria hallucination, and now this random Jamaican dude is here to rescue him. Was Lex just on Jamaica this whole time? Oh my god, I really fucking hope he was just living next door to a resort full of tourists this whole fucking time, that would be so good, and honestly not even that weird compared to everything else that’s happened so far this episode

I love how every single version of Jor-El is just a complete prick. Do you think that’s a Kryptonian thing or just a him thing?

Oh no, apparently it’s not Kryptonite Clark’s stealing from the safe that was previously full of Kryptonite, it’s a maguffin so generic it’s literally just a featureless metal cube. I kind of love that they couldn’t be bothered to even get a fucking floppy disc or something, they just painted a cardboard box silver and called it a day

I realise Clark being on magical space PCP is real bad for the whole planet, but so far he mostly just seems to want to rob ATMs and pick up chicks, which isn’t great but is honestly probably less destructive than him being a good guy, so I’m really rooting for him to just fucking kill Jonathan in this confrontation and peace out. I mean I’m always rooting for absolutely anyone to kill Jonathan Kent at any given moment, but especially right now.

Wait, it’s just now occurred to me that the episode it over and we still don’t have any explanation for how angry cupboard sex doctor was supposed to have survived that plane crash. Because why would that be important information for the audience to have!

[filmfanatic82]

AO3 Link (HERE)

Chapter 17: Clarke (V)

Numb.

It’s the only word that comes to mind for the out of body sensation that Clarke is currently experiencing. 

Everything is numb.

No anger.

Or sadness.

Or even fear of what’s to come.

It’s as if her inner catalog of tried and true emotions are suddenly nowhere to be found, leaving Clarke with the inability to feel anything… 

Anything at all.

All there is is the never-ending abundance of numbness.

“Time to go, Blondie,” Anya announces from somewhere in the near distance. But Clarke doesn’t move. She remains planted on the top step of Murphy’s front porch, arms wrapped around her legs and chin resting upon her knees, while her eyes stare out into the darkness before her. 

A distinct set of footsteps cut through the ongoing background party noise, growing closer and closer, until stopping right beside Clarke. A moment or two of silence passes and then she notices the all too familiar sound of Anya letting out one of her “What mess did my sister create now” signatures sighs. 

Clarke knows that sound.

It’s the one that has become synonymous with Anya throughout the years, as time and time again the older Woods sister has managed to step in at just the right moment and fix whatever mess that Lexa has caused. The sigh comes first. Then the silence while Anya works her magic to rectify the situation at hand. 

Words come later. Always firm and direct, but never with a tone of anger. And never too many neither. It’s always just the right amount to get her point across before moving on.

Clarke feels the sudden weighted warmth of Anya’s leather jacket around her shoulders and can’t help but shrink into it, desperate for any sort of comfort at the moment. She blinks away the hint of tears forming within the corners of her eyes as Anya ever-so-gently helps her up onto her feet and leads her down the front steps. 

The two walk side by side in silence down the street and back towards Lexa’s car, with only the occasional street light to guide their way. Clarke doesn’t need to ask where they are going. She already knows. Anya is taking her home.

It’s always the first step when it comes to cleaning up the mess. 

Everyone is taken home-- and to their own home only-- and is required to get a good night’s sleep. Then, and only then, can they reconvene with one another. Usually over bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches and coffee at Blue’s. 

That’s the ritual. 

Always.

Clarke slides herself into the passenger’s seat and buckles her seat belt as Anya gets situated. “What about Rae and Octavia?”

“Took off. Saw the two of them leave together about 20 minutes ago. Guessing they got an Uber or something.”

Clarke nods. “Lexa left too.”

“I know. My sister is an idiot,” Anya responds, never once taking her eyes off of the windshield. “A massive fucking idiot.”

“No, it’s my fault, I was the one--”

“Don’t. You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

“But, I--”

“No. This is not your fault.” Anya turns and briefly locks eyes with Clarke. “And it doesn’t matter what you think you did or didn’t do. This one’s all on my sister.”

Clarke wants to believe Anya’s words, but the overwhelming guilt residing in the depth of her stomach is just too all-consuming. She shakes her head as a fresh set of tears reemerge in the corners of her eyes. 

Anya steals another quick look at Clarke and then exhales. “Look. I don’t know what went down between you and my sister tonight, but my guess is that Lexa pulled her normal shut down and run away bullshit.”

Clarke once again swallows back down her tears and then gives the tiniest of nods in confirmation.

“So fucking predictable,” Anya mutters under her breath. “Now she’s gonna run her ass all the way to England.”

England.

The word slams into Clarke like an unexpected slap to the face. She straightens herself up a bit within the passenger’s seat as her brow furrows with confusion. 

Lexa is going to England?

No.

That can’t be right.

It’s the alcohol playing tricks on her.

She’s drunk and misheard Anya. That’s all.

Lexa’s not leaving. Not in the middle of their senior year. Why would she? 

They are supposed to be going to UCLA together. 

Lexa would’ve said something to her if their plans had changed… Wouldn’t she?

Stop.

It’s the alcohol.

Lexa’s going nowhere. 

They’re in love.

And people in love don’t up and go halfway around the world without saying something.

Those things just don’t happen.

Clarke closes her eyes and shakes her head, trying to clear away her snowballing thoughts from her mind. She grabs the edges of Anya’s leather jacket and pulls it closer to her body as a strange set of chills washes over her. 

Something still doesn’t quite feel right… 

“Cold?” Anya asks.

“Yeah. A little bit.”

Anya reaches over, turns on the heat, and then repositions the vents to blow towards Clarke. “Here. It should take a minute or two, but then it’ll warm-up.”

“Thanks.”

Anya nods. “Used to it. Lexa is always freezing too. She would drive with the heat on in July if she could… She should’ve been born on some tropical island. Like Hawaii or Fiji.”

The smallest hint of a smile appears on Clarke’s face. She more than knows what Anya is talking about. It’s one of Lexa’s most endearing quirks. The insatiable craving for warmth. 

And it goes beyond just her normal wardrobe staples of oversized hoodies and thick fuzzy socks. No. Lexa constantly needs continuous warmth, both inside and out, in order to thrive. Otherwise…

“It’s gonna be alright,” Anya says, cutting through the silence once again. “I’ll drop you home and then go hunt Lexa’s ass down and knock some sense into her. Everyone just needs to sober up and get some sleep. Tomorrow things will return to normal. You’ll see. You won’t even get a foot in the door before Lexa starts to apologize and beg you to forgive her.” 

“Yeah,” Clarke replies with an underlying tone of uncertainty to her voice. She so desperately wants to believe that Anya’s right. That by tomorrow morning everything within the world will return to back to normal and the events of tonight will slowly fade away like a forgotten nightmare. And yet…

Something still isn’t right.

Clarke can feel it circling around her like an invisible entity that only she can sense, just waiting for the opportune moment to rear its ugly head and bring further havoc into her life. 

But what is it?

And what does it have to do with Lexa?

__________

“Hey Blondie,” Anya says with a drugged-up husk to her voice. “Back again?” 

But Clarke doesn’t respond right away. She instead quietly slips into the hospital room and shuts the door behind her, letting the definitive click of the lock speak for her.

Anya quirks her brow as she tries to decipher the reason behind the peculiar action. “You know you don’t have to lock that thing. It’s not like I can up and go anywhere.”

“It’s not for you. It’s to make sure we aren’t interrupted by any random pop-ins,” Clarke replies. She pulls up a nearby chair to Anys’s bedside and takes a seat. “We need to talk.”

“Okay…” 

Clarke goes to open her mouth but suddenly finds that the words that she’s been rehearsing in the confines of her own head ever since leaving Raven’s hospital room are now nowhere to be found. As if they’ve evaporated into mere nothingness, leaving Clarke with not an inkling of where to even start.

It’s Anya.

The same Anya that would cover for Clarke all those times back in high school when she would fall asleep in Lexa’s bed and forget to get up before Indra awoke. The one that helped her bail Raven and Bellamy out of jail, no questions asked, after they were caught rebuilding a ‘76 mustang in the principal’s office. And the one that was ultimately left to clean up Lexa’s mess when she ran off to Cambridge.

“Clarke… What is it?”

Clarke blinks and then inhales deeply. She can feel Anya’s eyes upon her. Observant as ever. “I went to see Raven.”

“Yeah? How’s she doing? Is she okay? I asked one of the nurses but they wouldn’t say jackshit to me. Something about patient-doctor confidentiality or some other bullshit like that.”

“She’s awake.”

“And…” Anya impatiently follows up, too eager to wait any longer. 

Clarke bites her lip a little too hard, almost breaking the skin. 

Where the hell did her words go?  

“Clarke?”

“You need to go see her.”

“I would if I could. You know that. But they won’t even let me get out of bed by myself to go take a piss,” Anya responds and Clarke senses a hint of hostile growing within the depths of her voice. “Tell me what’s going on. Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” 

“I--” 

“Don’t do it, Clarke. We had a deal. No bullshitting each other. Not when it comes to the hard stuff. Remember? That was the deal you and I made after Lexa left,”

“I know,” Clarke responds. 

“Okay. Then answer my question… What’s wrong with Raven?”

Clarke exhales and runs her hands through her short, messy locks as she mentally shifts herself into doctor mode. “During the crash, Raven suffered what is called a partial dislocation of the L3 vertebra. This means her spine shifted from the impact, causing a severe amount of swelling and trauma to the surrounding nerves. Right now, it’s too soon to say if there’s any permanent damage, but…”

Clarke trails off as her words fail her once again. She’s done this a thousand times before. To face a patient’s loved ones and have to explain the extent of damages. It’s the first major test that any pre-med intern goes through. And up until this point, Clarke has always passed with flying colors. So much so, that she has gained the unwanted reputation of being a “Hoodoo”. 

A deliverer of bad news. 

But now… 

Now it’s different. 

Now the person she is talking about isn’t some generic-named stranger, but someone that is part of her life.

Now the person is Raven.

“But?” Anya asks unable to hide the quiver in her voice.

“But for right now Raven is experiencing roughly 75% paralysis of both of her legs.”

The words explode like a shrapnel-filled grenade, emotionally shredding Anya on impact. Clarke watches as Anya’s unreadable mask shatters, giving way to two defined trails of tears. “She’s paralyzed?” 

Clarke nods. “Yes.”

“Does she know?” 

“Not sure. She didn’t let on to it when I was with her, but she’s lucid enough to at least know something isn’t right. And given that it’s Raven, she’s already put two and two together by now.” 

The tears continue to flow freely down Anya’s cheeks as she takes a moment to process the gravity of Clarke’s words.

“I talked with Jackson and they’re planning on doing another set of scans in a few hours from now. The hope is that by then the swelling will have subsided enough to get a better picture of what’s causing the paralysis. It might even just be due to the initial trauma of the impact itself. In fact, once it goes down, there’s a strong likelihood that Raven might just naturally regain full functionality and feeling on her own. I’ve seen it happen before. At least a half dozen times. There’s was this motorcycle accident back in August where--” 

“Clarke.” 

Clarke stops rambling and catches hold Anya’s eyes. The tears have now slowed down but still, the look of pure uncertainty remains written across her face and Clarke is instantly transported back to that fateful night. It’s the only other time when she’s seen Anya look this way. Terrified of the unforeseen disaster that is lurking just off in the horizon. 

The unpredictable.

“It’s going to be alright.” The words tumble out of Clarke’s mouth before she can process what she is actually saying. She cringes, bracing for the inevitable response, but instead is greeted by a soft laugh. 

“Nice try, but you and I both know that phrase is like the kiss of death.”

“I know,” Clarke sighs. “But maybe this time things will be.”

“Maybe…” Anya replies with a less than believable tone. She lets out a long exhale of air and then-- 

“I need to see her.”

Clarke nods in agreement. “Yes, you really do.”

[murphystartedthefire]

My Rant on that Murphy/Clarke Rant

(Okay this was the thing I put aside after typing up last night because I have more finals to prepare for, but I’m not gonna leave you in ~suspense.)

People may disagree but my biggest frustration with the long time coming Clarke/Murphy bitchfest in 6x02 is how I feel the show is still reeeally strawmanning a lot of issues in its framing to make it look like people are being “unreasonable” and petty in their anger at Clarke.

Murphy brings up four different things to her (five including her abandoning Bellamy) and all of them are *extremely valid* things for him to be harboring a grudge over. But at least two of them are expressed really weirdly?? So we’re not really meant to be on his side as much as we could be IMO, and it’s easy to say he’s just being an ~ungrateful dick for all the times she didn’t almost kill him.

Just to run down the specific callbacks he makes:

1 - The hanging. Right off the bat, I call absolute bullshit on him blaming her *more* than Bellamy suddenly. I believe that he *forgave* Bellamy a long time ago and has put it Extremely Behind Them, so obviously the anger is less fresh there. And I can believe he puts *some* of the blame (maybe even equal blame!) on Clarke for accusing him of killing Wells and turning the crowd against him. But Bellamy has always, always, been the person he held responsible for that, for failing him so horribly there. He hated Bellamy’s justification of “giving the people what they wanted”, he called him a coward and felt it as a massive and traumatic betrayal. Like, he *literally had an elaborate plan to revenge murder him for it* and didn’t have much interest in making Clarke pay the same way. It just feels dramatically OOC to me to hear him say now that Clarke “forced his hand.” She did no such thing!! And the show knows that!! And *Murphy* knows that!!

Like I said, it becomes a strawman argument that is easy for Clarke to get defensive about, even though at heart it’s something I do think he’s justified in being furious about after all this time. Any real weight to it is weakened by the tossed-off way it’s treated like he *doesn’t* care about Bellamy’s role at all anymore and he’s putting it 100% on her. It’s revisionist history, even if just irrationally For The Sake of This Argument about how she keeps ruining his life.

2 - Literally what is he saying about Lexa/Polis? No, this is a genuine question. Because he, uh, got “tied up” twice in quick succession around that time, and the first time was definitely not Clarke’s fault, and the second time definitely WAS. It’s like the scene walks right up to the edge of saying that she left him there after Lexa died, because she didn’t care what happened to him as much as he cared what happened to her, and then Ontari happened to him.

But the scene also... doesn’t explicitly say that, and kinda name-checks Lexa instead just because that’s a Thing We Say To Hurt Clarke’s Feelings, so instead it sounds like he’s just blaming her for Titus beating him up on one of the worst nights of her life that she had zero control over? I mean, that doesn’t make any sense as something Murphy would be mad at her for, the Ontari thing DOES make sense and fit the “disposable pawn” line, but it’s so incoherent what the writers were going for there that I have no idea.

JUST SAY ONTARI’S NAME ONCE and we can have an argument about whether it’s fair for him to blame Clarke or not! But if he’s just saying “it sucked that time we were both hostages and your girlfriend died” like I’m sure most of the general audience heard, that’s definitely unfair and just weird.

3 - God Complex. a.k.a. Emori and the rocket and the “little picture of it in your memory book.” I got nothing to say on this one, I agree completely, people thinking Emori and Murphy should have good feelings toward Clarke because she backed down at the literal last minute from doing something fully irredeemable = my villain origin story. IT’S TRUE AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT, MURPHY. Ahem.

I even love the callback to the drawing, because while I do think that was meant to be a manifestation of Clarke’s guilt, I kinda *love* that Murphy was offended by it? There is nothing cute or sentimental about this ordeal they went through and how vulnerable he was in front of her, because of her. Like, she might as well have drawn him in the tree and he would have the same reaction. So this isn’t a ranty part, that was the one solid point he made and I’ll die on that hill. :p

4 - Bellamy/Bullets/etc. And then he shifts into last season and the post-six-years-later stuff. He’s pissed about being shot, he’s *genuinely* pissed on behalf of Bellamy (who is less pissed on behalf of himself and mostly just wants out of this conversation), and how you feel about all that is however you feel about everyone’s anger at her about last season.

----

Basically, up until that last part, you have Murphy going off on this *really* interesting riff that was directly prompted by his discomfort at being tied up/in chains, and how much of that sense memory is linked to Clarke for him. She’s the one who put him and Emori on the ladder until he begged and cried and his wrists bled, she’s the one who abandoned him in that tower in Polis learning A Lot about kinky chains, and 130 years ago when they were 17 years old, one minute she was yelling at him for something he didn’t do and the next he had Neck Trauma Forever.

And yeah, most of that wasn’t malicious or even fully intentional on her part. But they’re high among the things that shaped him most in his fucked-up life, and Clarke apologizes lots but she never said she was sorry to him for any of it.

His dislike for her is valid and comes from genuine pain! I like that there was some cohesive attempt to put all of it out there. But I think part of what’s happening with those awkward (1) and (2) points is that the show keeps stacking the deck “against” Clarke in a way that’s completely unsatisfying whether you like or hate her -- piling blame on her for dumb or poorly-argued reasons while *not* effectively holding her accountable & letting her atone for legitimate stuff.