#completing this challenge has become my greatest achievement in life i think lol

[cheriboms]

gonna hibernate for the rest of the night now that doctober is over (gosh im so burnt out oTL) but ill be back on tomorrow to reblog all the stuff i havent yet :D

anyway I LOVE ALL OF U WHO HAVE POSTED, ALL UR STUFF HAS BEEN AMAZING !!! <333 AND I LOVE ALL OF U WHO HAVE REBLOGGED/COMMENTED ON MY POSTS AS WELL, U KEPT ME GOING FR, never could have done it without u ;w;

[actualbird]

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

[loftyloftyloftyloftylofty]

Another Glimpse: Cat Story’s World Map Design Philosophy

Hey friends,

Taking an opportunity today while I am on vacation from work to provide some long-overdue updates on progress!

I started working on Cat Story on Halloween of 2014. We’re rapidly approaching the five year anniversary of starting this project.

For five years of working on this game, I’ve certainly got a lot to show for it! With that said, it’s still very easy to think about the ways I spend my time and feel like I’m not working hard enough.

I’d like to share some spoilery stuff today to help put into perspective where I’m at, what I’ve got left to do, and what the plan is going forward to complete this project, with a focus on the world map and how different segments of it represent different milestones, and why those segments are arranged the way they are.

Adding a ‘Keep reading’ link here just in case folks want to avoid spoilers!

Let’s start with the world map’s layout:

Tumblr isn’t good for displaying large images so here’s a direct link.

The game begins in Tilmi, which is the small square in the mid-left region of the map. The first chapter of the story takes the player through Digsite 56, into the Aquifer, through Blue Caverns and the Thoroughfare to the ALIAS complex.

As the scope of Cat Story has changed over time, the map has definitely evolved. Originally the entire game was going to take place on a single island!

Ever since I decided on an underground setting though, a few core concepts have persisted in the map’s design iterations that I feel are very important to the genre of game I’m making, and I think it’s useful to explain what those are and why I think they’ll be good for Cat Story. The first concept I want to talk about that’s stuck with the map for awhile is the Thoroughfare, but to explain why it exists, I need to explain some stuff about what I look for in video games and where I’ve drawn some of these ideas from.

I like going back to experience games again after awhile. I  use wallpaper engine to set up wallpaper videos from my favorite games to ‘keep an eye’ on the game worlds I enjoyed. It’s like a security camera system that averts my feelings of homesickness for the places that made strong impressions on me. Call me crazy if you like, but it’s really, really hard for me to ‘leave’ these worlds behind. 

(I still occasionally open up OneShot to check on Niko despite the fact that nothing happens.)

One of the games that I’ve taken a lot of inspiration from (especially for finding a good pace to increase difficulty) is Axiom Verge. AV’s map is designed in a way that getting from point A to point B can be really rough and tedious - part of the game’s challenge is navigating the rough terrain and the uncompromising, unforgivng atmosphere that broods over that challenge adds a lot of charm to the environment. The downside to this though is that it takes a lot of willpower to backtrack through each area and collect hidden stuff, and as much as I adore Axiom Verge, I have a really hard time picking it up again because I know that going back to explore and re-immerse isn’t going to be a casual stroll- the mazelike tunnels and hazards keep you on your toes the whole time.

In similar vein, Hyper Light Drifter has an absolutely breathtaking environment that I adore, but going back to re-immerse and take it all back in is a journey. 

In contrast, anyone can jump back into a game like FEZ after several years’ break without fear of meeting heavy resistance - the downside to this is that FEZ’ design is definitely about getting that 100% completion and once you’ve accomplished that, there’s not much to find or do on your current save, so that re-immersion is easy but feels incomplete unless you start a new playthrough.

Ori hit a pretty solid stride between these two extremes, offering a variety of areas with different levels of difficulty and fast travel options to get you to where you want to be, which means that going back to appreciate Ori’s super-beautiful art and scenery is readily accessible. What I don’t like about this though is that any form of teleportation or fast travel results in making a huge world feel small, and despite having teleports available, every time I go back to Ori, I make a point of walking from point A to point B because I feel that it would be doing the game world an injustice to just scoot directly to my destination instead of actually experiencing the environment.

I’d like to also take a brief moment to mention Hollow Knight, which designed a map that has fast travel and still feels exquisitely huge. I learned so much from playing that game and every time I revisit it, it’s an excellent time. HK has also been a huge inspiration for me in the way I design stuff and I hope that learning from each of these games will help me make an awesome game, too.

So, with all of this in mind, I’ve tried to design Cat Story’s map around the idea of having a common artery that connects most of the game’s main areas - so that when someone jumps back into the game after having not played for awhile, they can get to that area they wanted to revisit quickly; and that has manifested itself in the form of an abandoned service tunnel linking a bunch of the different themed spaces together. 

As the player progresses through the game, they unlock new sections of the Thoroughfare which allow them to explore new areas (or in some cases, revisit old ones). Some (not all) sections of the Thoroughfare also have the ability to get the player quickly from one end to the other (similar to Hollow Knight’s tram). My hope is that by balancing the design of the areas in relation to each other against the effort required to actually navigate each space, I can create a map that’s easy to come back to if I decide to, for example, add DLC later down the road.

I don’t plan on implementing a fast travel system in this game, and I understand that what that means for the map design is that the map must allow the player to move quickly - I want to try to hit a balance between scenic route and speedrun-friendly. I’ve been making a point to include shortcuts to skip gaps or run-arounds for savvy players, and I’ve taken several tips from the book of Guacamelee in terms of unlocking those shortcuts after completing small sections of each area. 

Still with me? Rad.  Let’s talk about how each section of the map relates to project progress.

A quick glance at the map overview for Cat Story makes it pretty clear that the scope of this game’s world map is enormous.

To help put that statement in perspective, I’ve made one of the arrows red on that map overview. See it? The red one?

That’s this. (Warning: Image is ~12000 x ~3000 lol)

Now, to be fair, I built this world map knowing that it would be a ton of work. I signed up for this and not only have I committed to the idea, but I’ve embraced it as what will be - so far in my life - my greatest creative achievement.

It’s hard to put a percent value on each map in terms of how it relates to the completion of the game. Taking into account the nuances of scripting events, writing story dialog, refining art styles, iterating on terrain, adding collectibles, finding the right enemies to make a map challenging, playtesting, and a host of other tasks associated with each segment of the game, it begins to become apparent that we need a better way to measure progress.

So, where are we at?

A lot of these maps have been loosely-concepted. That means I have a general idea of what the theme will be for each space and what challenge I want to be thematic in navigating it.

As an example, the Blue Caverns will have a heavy focus on waterfalls, large bodies of water, and jumping on suspended blocks. Trestletop will have a heavy focus on mushroom caps hanging from the ceiling - a concept which earlier beta maps have already explored with great success.

The next step in the workflow for each of these maps is nailing down the aesthetic and tying it in with the navigation involved in the area. 

I can not stress enough that the way you move through an area in a game like this is the prime factor that I am considering when designing the aesthetic for it. Movement is critical in Cat Story and I am doing my best to design every enemy, jump, tunnel, and theme around the central idea of how you navigate through or around. 

My current focus is the stretch of the game’s first chapter from Digsite 56 to Blue Caverns. I’m very happy with 56′s look so far and expect to have the transition maps between Tilmi and 56 hermetically sealed before September’s Patreon demo releases.

In the meantime, I’m gonna’ get back to work. 

This post went on a lot longer than I thought it would! I’ll probably add to this later in a followup post because there’s an awful lot that I’d like to talk about, but if I spend all day blablabla’ing on Tumblr instead of working, nothing will get done.

Cheers everybody, thanks for reading

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 11: “Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one?” - Aimee

Amy A

Ben ☹️. I didn’t play too well with him and it was such a good blindside I couldn’t resist. I wish him well and I just have a feeling I’m next to go 

Olivia A

Okay umm we got Ben out but it turns out Kalle gave me a real idol? So I feel weird. The reason we began suspecting her of lying was because Hanuha people knew about Maddison’s safety without power advantage and Kalle was literally the only person who could’ve told them. IDK!!

Aimee

I’m just so tired of crying! Sarah tried to video chat and I just couldn’t. No one knew I don’t think that Ben and I were so close. Gaaaaah I’m gonna miss him so much! He just helped me so much to stay sane in this game. The last thing I need is anyone seeing me as a big hot mess. I can’t catch a break. 

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Pedro A

when i actually thought i was at the bottom........THERES EVEN A LOWER BOTTOM...THAT IM IN RIGHT NOW......chille ben screwed us BIG TIME....we were in a great spot..i dont even know what to say at this point

Sarah

Wow. Okay. I didn’t want to be a villain but here we are. I will post a video confessional soon but for now, the plan to vote out Ben actually worked. I called Maddison last minute and explained that Ben and Kalle were tight and were all over the place, playing both sides. Maddison found out that Kalle was a rat and was not being completely truthful and we both agreed on voting Kalle or Ben. We agreed on Ben because we thought Kalle was going to play her idol on herself.... turns out Ben was telling the truth in voting out Kalle to old Hanuha and Kalle actually gave Olivia a real idol. More to come... but for now I feel like a villain ahhh. 

Kalle N.

Well I said that my only goal was to make jury and not go to the FTC so it looks like Ben really helped me achieve that. THAT FOOL REALLY FUCKED ME OVER ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR. This is fine. I will never let him forget that I've beaten him twice now and that's all that matters. Did not see this tribal coming at all. Can't wait to get voted out next

Najwah

If I learned anything today is that we tend to read in and over think and make up scenarios in our head. Ben was actually on our side all along? Who would have thought. All the bits and pieces he told us today just didn't add up and Cody said he was different and everyone was just quiet and Ben didn't talk in the group, he spoke to people individually. I don't really understand what just happened but we wasted so much energy speculating lmao. And now where the hell do we go from here? Cody has become so paranoid also. The minute Ben told him that those people will be writing his name he became soooo paranoid wtf. Then he WASTED an advantage and idol at tribal? Just bc he still didn't trust the plan. I'm starting to think that Cody just can't trust anyone or any process. I really think he needs to chill more. Be more low key. Just try to be calm. If you get voted out, it's not like you're going to die or something. It's just a game after all. 

Aimee

Apparently tribe was getting too suspicious of how Ben and Kalle were so close. I still don’t get why I had to be left out of the vote though? Why can’t I get the respect to be told what is happening before the vote, so I have time to process my emotions and have my stuff together a little. https://immunityilol.tumblr.com/post/617448854807298048 Instead I get nothing. I get a call from Sarah right after Ben is voted out. Obviously I can’t answer it because I’m crying and no one knew I was super close to Ben. I’m just so angry right now first Grae now Ben! IS MADDISON NEXT!? FUCK! Like Gah I’m afraid to get close to anyone. But I just love getting to know people. I finally got to video chat with Maddison. Fucking loved it! She is great to talk to and great to have on this crazy skype isolation island. I need some interaction and realness right now. Ok I’m totally drinking. It’s hard enough to process all this nonsense sober. We will see what the next day brings. 

Aimee

Sarah I really don’t want us to end up like this Casanova music video. 😢💔 I guess everyone wants to blindside Aimee as a treat. I hope people got their jollies out of it. 🌟 Allie X - Casanova feat VÉRITÉ https://youtu.be/YpVunjboAWg

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Sarah

Day 21 https://youtu.be/aYiGStuSKDA

Pedro A

Im afraid Kalle will throw me under the bus...just to stay this week cause shes on the bottom....and im also afraid that maddison and olivia will try to convince kalle to vote me out...instead ....since they are coming for me ...GOSHHH..i hate my life...i need immunity...CAN I LIKE HAVE IT?

Pedro A

okay so im excited to see everyone's answers to this challenge...THIS WILL BE INTERESTING...it will reveal a lot of people real thoughts ..IM READY FOR TEAAAA YALL

Najwah

I enjoyed my day today. I think it's the first time I was fully in the real world in 22 days. I'm playing a reckless game right now. There are so many layers in this game but after last night's tribal and learning that Ben was being legit, I just feel bad. I love Cody but he's definitely a loose cannon and can't play low key. Which is definitely bad for my game. He and Sarah are trying to push me into getting Amy on our side, but our relationship just isn't like that. I don't want to make her feel used. I like her. I really like her a lot. I like Sarah too. And Cody. I want to be friends with all these people IRL lol so I don't want to play against them or lie to them. This game just gets harder every time someone gets voted off tbh but I'm at the point where I feel like "if my plan works, then great", "if it doesn't, then whatever. I get to chill on panderosa and get to sleep more and actually spend time with my family and friends who I've been avoiding since this started lmao" Also, I'd be able to work again. I haven't got much work done urgh. I don't know whether my super idol is real. I'm curious to see what tonight's challenge will reveal. I am not going in with any syrategy

Cody wants to go for Kalle and Pedro coz they voted for him? I don't know, I think that's kinda silly and I'm not about revenge. You have to think rationally. And we have made a few irrational choices of late because people read into things. I still wish Ben hadn't told Cody that everyone was voting for him. That's how so much of yesterday's shit started. I have been so tired since yesterday. Tired of the scheming and overthinking and being paranoid over nothing urgh. Aimee also wants to call me after the challenge. I'm kinda scared tbh. I had a dream last night that Aimee killed me lmao this game is haunting me and giving me nightmares. Honestly, I'd be okay if anyone left wins this game. Okay except Kalle. She's the only one I've not interacted with and she just seems dodge idk. Maybe I'm still thinking about Zack's stupid analysis on people. Anyways. 

Najwah

I'm happy for Maddison tbh. She deserved that. I just want to scream about Cody though? Why did Cody chop Aimee? Wtf. And that made Aimee chop Sarah before she chopped Amy or Maddison. I'm so confused. Ugh. 

Maddison

Apparently I don’t know much about this tribe. Yeet!

Pedro A

Villan of the season?....im honored...but bitter jury?...i didnt like that one..lol

Aimee

I chopped Pedro for Grae. 

I chopped Olivia and haha sorry I got so nervous on here that I just chopped the final chop, even though that was savage as hell... I called her a goat and then chopped her right out of the game. Oops hahahahaha. When I watch this challenge back I look like the C word with a capital C.... And that word isn’t “cartwheel.” I chopped Sarah for the Ben blindside. I chopped Amy for my mental health. I can’t lose Maddison! I’m so sick of being tortured that I truly am running out of fucks tbh. Just chop anyone, whatever. Why do I care...

Aimee

Ohhhh Najwah!!!! Don’t worry about not telling me about the vote or accidentally calling me a goat because you didn’t know the meaning. I think I would make a cute goat. https://nunyabizni.tumblr.com/post/615593098008035328 Love that you think I’m actually “the Greatest of All Time.” I adore you and our friendship 💖❤️💞 luv you girl!!! I know you’re truly being genuine unlike others. I’m waiting for this game to tip in our favor so we can run with it. https://youtu.be/TGwZ7MNtBFU This MV is dedicated towards Najwah after Cody swooped in and stole my final 2 with her. No hard feelings; I have my own stuff to sort out after my man Ben was voted out. I’m pretty confident you have a final 2 with Cody and I love that for you. 🧡💛💚 I’m happy y’all got together and are strong with Sarah. But here I am. Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one? Just not playing the game and grazing my grass over here like a “goat?” They really don’t know how close I was with Ben and they got stupid lucky on that one. I’m not as clueless as you all think... it’s in your best interest to reconsider. Also let’s not skip over the fact that Sarah and I both didn’t get an answer on touchy subjects for “who do you trust the most.” Yeah don’t think I didn’t peep that. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Sarah didn’t put me and I didn’t put her. I put Maddison. Cody had 2 votes. Najwah and Sarah put him. I’m not dense. I guess Sarah is cool with being that 3rd wheel. Loving the fact that apparently no one has been seeing me reaching across the aisle for damn DAYS trying to play with Maddison.... oh honey, oh girl...oh no no ... that was just Ben right? Yeah. My final 2 with Ben is gone so I’m rogue and hoping I can get Maddison as far as possible with me. Also! Just letting you all know I’m not a damn chump. It’s SO OBVIOUS that Cody Najwah and Sarah have a fucking secret chat that they’ve been in since the beginning of all time, which included Zack. You’ve heard it here first folks. Oh and I’ve known this for at least a week or two. The tells are so blatant, but catch me pretending to have no idea. I’m not the goat that you think I am, but I would LOVE you to continue to think of me of a goat and forgettable. If you knew what I was doing I wouldn’t be allowed to get to the end. If I’m on any players radars then that means I am doing a bad job. So, I absolutely loved what this challenge revealed. I know way more than people think I know, but I am playing up the ditzy card hardcore. I would much rather prefer to be a stealthy sniper that people think is not playing. Give me a chance to explain my game in the final tribal and you might regret that. I have been doing all the same moves as Ben and same exact strategy.... he gets called a big threat and blindsided and yet here I am with identical strategy and totally left alone and tbh a little disrespected but that works to my advantage. Perception is not reality! This could be everyone’s biggest mistake and I honestly love it. I just want Kalle and Pedro out tbh. I got my big boobs and my positivity. I’m mind strong and I’m ready to get this. Your lady is never giving up. If you blindside me again it better be me that gets voted out. Otherwise you’re all in a world of fucking trouble... https://64.media.tumblr.com/0389c791f095d54973543b32d4414577/984582d2a107588c-89/s540x810/c10ec7b961de2fd3b693a886ea7385b04ed3d653.gifv

Najwah

I am still tired. LOL. Amy L still hasn't replied to me. I think she hates me right now and I burned the bridge with her, which I'm obviously sad about because it's the only bridge I really cared about? Like she's the only person who I was 100% sure about and we've always respected each others allegiance to their alliances. Anyway. What does it matter now? I'm going to let Cody and Sarah make a plan with this tribal scrambling. Oh Cody said the reason he chopped Aimees rope is because he didn't want her to win immunity again lmao so he rather chops someone in his own alliance wtf I can't get over that fatal mistake. That and playing the extra vote and idol😭😭 ugh and I think people assume I am his goat or something lmaooooo I absolutely adore Cody but I really hope he doesn't mess things up for himself. Sarah wants me to get coins for them to buy an immunity idol. Do I really want to waste 5 coins again on someone whose just going to get paranoid and play it? I don't know. I need to think on it. 

Aimee

Welp I finally told my first lie in this game and hopefully it’s not my demise. I guess it’s my turn to be messy. I’m still coping with Ben being gone. 💔😢😫 Why the nut, did I tell Pedro I want him here. It was definitely too much alcohol and worried if he had another idol I would be the throw vote. Welp we will see if he throws that info all over the island. https://64.media.tumblr.com/d9f98e355c7e9229777fa982551cfd7e/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do7_250.gifv https://64.media.tumblr.com/d37a2b6f76f83c1beaca2ca2bac6bb72/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do3_250.gifv I’ve made peace with it though. This lady ain’t stopping, but if this puts me in jury. I’m honestly excited! I’ll finally get to talk to James, Grae and Ben again! And that makes my heart warm. ♥️ 

Pedro A

I'm probably going home tonight....kinda done with this.....I'm exhausted and emotionally drained from this experience.. I just wanna chill...at the end of the day its either me or kalle....so may the odds be in my favor!!

Najwah

I'm nervous about this vote. Apparently Maddison and co are willing to work with us to get Kalle out. I don't know how legit it is but I'm tired tonight and I just think I should do an early vote before people change their minds. 

Amy A.

So we had the game yesterday and there was a question about ‘closest Ally’ and no one chose me. I’m not really bothered about everyone else except NAJWAH. She didn’t choose me! I was the only one who chose her cos her name came just ONCE. Whoever she ended up choosing as her closest ally didn’t even choose her. It’s made me real life sad because I trusted her so much. Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about putting her name down for closest ally. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about tonight’s vote. Idk who I’m voting for but I know it’s not her cos I promised her that. That’s the only reason. Maybe I’m the one going home. I don’t know. 

Maddison

Let’s hope for a straightforward vote tonight with no unforeseen twists!

Aimee

https://youtu.be/m4Z0RN_KhK0 A flow mobz - thrill over fear (feat. luna blake) Omg I couldn’t sleep last night and I just woke up being bitchy about Pedro. I don’t think he actually has anyone besides maybe Kalle. My walls are up and I just want this vote to work in my favor and be Kalle. I hope there are no hard feelings after this game. I just want to get to know everyone during all this covid madness and have some fun. 🌈

[mytruthispure]

Diary Series-1 (Fri-7/19/19)

So I had a thought this morning. Should I write this in my journal, or use my digital journal (Tumbler) to begin this? Tumbler it is. This is all for me. To help me put things into perspective and even revisit, if I ever have need to. But rather this is just helping me or someone who may stumble across it, I feel compelled to just put it out there into the Universe.... I’m giving myself a challenge to Blog and be honest with myself in the written word, everyday, for the next 8 weeks. And then once this goal is reached, to come back and continue to document my journey..

So I feel I need to kind of go back a bit. Like a few years back. Maybe more. Not sure where to be begin right now honestly.... Today.. Today I’ve been dealing with a lot of things mainly in the physical realm. But my emotions are a quick 2nd in this race...

 I’ve always been kind of obsessed with my health, and the way my body looks physically. What woman hasn’t, right? But this is different. I never really began to have insecurities about my body until I was well into my late 20′s early 30′s. I’m 42 now. But blessed genetics, I guess,  I’m always told that I don’t look a day over 25 or 28. I’ll take it. God Bless all of you who think this. LOL... But I digress.. I’ve always loved Dancing. It’s a passion of mine. Always hoped to be able to do more with this passion. To help others in a health setting to stay active etc., but we’ll come back to that...  

I’m also a health food, as well as a junk food junkie. I love that I treat my body right, but I have no issues with treating & indulging either. So guess you could say I have a healthy relationship with food.. Until I’m stressed. I’m an emotional eater. No matter if it’s healthy or questionable, I’ll over indulge when other things in my life cause my emotions to be all over the place. Food/Sanctuary=Same thing for me during these times.. This wouldn’t be as bad, I guess,  if I still had a physical outlet to balance this out. But due to health reasons, the last 2 and half years, I’ve been unable to stay consistently active. And as of late 2018, Haven’t been able to be active at all. Passed getting out of bed. Taking a shower. When my energy isn’t waning, maybe get to clean my house or go to the store. All the things I took for granted before, have become a marathon in my life today, just to be able to complete. I miss going on hikes with my 11 yr old son. Or just going to the park with him to watch him enjoy himself with others. Being physically intimate with my husband. *Blushes* But hey, it’s the truth. :)

So you can just imagine how I feel we I see myself today. I’ve gone from 120- 125lbs, to 191lbs in the span of 2 and half years. I’m 5′2 so... yeah. You get my point.  And I’m also that lucky female that’s blessed with the “gain and lose” ratio of, if I lose weight, I lose it everywhere. And if I gain weight, I also gain it EVERYWHERE. Thus coupled with my height and small stature, it’s VERY noticeable when I gain or lose weight.. The health issues I’m dealing with are of the female, inherited variety. (Every woman in my family has had to go through this.) Which are also contributing to the other ailments I’m experiencing. Not just weight gain issues. Anemia, Hormone imbalances, joint and back pain, Pelvic pain. Crazy monthly cycles, extreme fatigue, depression, just to name a few. Which is crazy and highly frustrating, because the weight gain is also contributing in making these things worse. Though I can’t do anything about it because the pain and discomfort that I feel won’t allow it. It’s just a vicious cycle right now.

I, and we, (my family) have been robbed of so many things as of late. But my Husband he.. Wow... He’s been so supportive of EVERYTHING, from the practical to everything else in between that follows. He’s so giving and patient and just.. He leaves me in Awe. He really does. I hate that a major source of his stress is me and my health.

I feel as though I’m a failure as a wife, and a mother. And mainly to myself. Though these are things I cannot help at this time, it doesn’t stop me from mourning who I once was. Asking why this is even happening to me, to us. Wondering am I missing something? Did I misstep or over tip my hand somehow? Or is it simply just the spectrum of life regarding the Reaping & the Harvest? Who knows. All I know is for a very long time now, things have been leading up to the nightmare that is my daily life today....

Silver lining???? Well, in September I will be able to begin the next steps necessary in rectifying my woes for the next chapters of my life. I’m nervous. I’m scared. This surgery is a big thing. But it will correct at least 80% of my ailments internally. I know it will. For a better quality of life. The other 20%, once I’m physically able, will be up to me. I know this will not be a hardship. Because I’ll finally feel like myself again. Enough to will myself to get back on track and stay there. I’ll be ME again. The Wife & Mother I once was, but perhaps because of this storm, I’ll be even better. That’s my hope. My Prayer. My main burning desire. The other positive in this storm that has forced me to be still is, I’ve been given time to reflect. To think on how I’m going to put that hustle behind my prayers of a better reality when I’m able to. And not to get caught up and side tracked once again on accepting any old thing, just cause it gets me by at the time. That’s not living. That’s existing. And I refuse to do that anymore. For myself, my husband, and our son. I want my son to see more. Know more. Experience more in the greatest most fulfilling way imaginable. He deserves that. And he needs to see that daily through me and his father.

I have so many things I want to do differently. I refuse to go back to the being what I was before, what I am now. I want to actually finally just take that leap. That jump and use my gifts to help others. To step into and truly live in my full potential of my purpose. To have it finally realized, while I am still on this earth. Able and willing to do it with every single fiber of my being. I want to be proud of myself first. I want my loved ones to be proud of me as well. For years I’ve felt this nagging that I am not living in my true purpose. I know that now, more than ever that I can’t let this go anymore. The things I seek and want & my desires to create, must come with major change with myself (internally and outwardly) as well as my scenery. The place that surrounds me and my daily world..  I’m Excited. Hopeful. Fearful. All of it. Sometimes I hear myself doubting it. But then I just remind myself this has been my way of thinking this long and it hasn’t gotten any better. Following the status quo. being mediocre at best in this life. No. No more.  I NEED to try this another way. Pure of heart. Pure of every raw emotion, and just trust it. I can’t let myself, or my circumstances or others talk me out of my Blessings, the drive I have in the way I live my life.  Period. No more....

But one goal at a time right? I’ve put me aside for so long. But with good reason. My son’s health when it took a turn, I needed to do what was necessary and needed. And praise God thus far, he is doing really well. Has been the last 2 and half years. I pray this continues throughout the rest of the days of his life. Same with my husband. Unfortunately the stress and physical hereditary conditions I suffer, had taken a back seat for too long. So I was then, finally forced to put me & my health first this past April. I’m finally seeing that ray of light at the end of my tunnel. I know what I have to do. What is required. Part of that is on it’s way to happening right now. I’ve already conquered certain aspects of this, that will need to follow, in my recent past; and I can do it again. I WILL do it again. 

I must just remember that MY FOCUS IS MY REALITY.

Just one goal at a time. 

Trusting the process. 

So that my progress & achievement will be manifest.

Thank you ABBA. For Blessing me. And keeping me and mine in Your Love, Protection, Provision, and Grace... 

-Truth

[sketchyprincessartblog]

1-25 Tell me everything.

Okay, im gonna do the main 4 ocs I have rn because those are the ones I have the most fleshed out for! Also gonna put it under a readmore because ho my god that's gonna be a LOT of text lmao

Kai

1. (their voice) Kai's voice is high-pitched and raspy due to her constant yelling and screaming. There is also a level of charisma too it, but its hard to explain. Its like her voice is so weird that you can't help but listen.

2.(their smile) Her smile is big, wide, and mischievous! Pair that with her many rows of shark like teeth and it can be very off-putting; she tries not to smile but her personality makes it almost impossible. However, one you get to know her, you can tell the difference between a fake smile and a genuine one.

3.(their greatest achievement) Kai considers her greatest achievement to be her magical prowess; her skill with her water magic is advanced for her age. She definitely likes to show off, haha.

4.(their insecurities) While she may act tough and arrogant, its just a façade to mask her low self worth and depression. As the queen/future queen she is terrified of failure; how can she lead others when she can't even help herself? Like I mentioned before, shes also insecure of her looks, because they give away that shes possessed.

5. (their shortcomings) Her ability to control her impulses is practically non existant lmao, she'll just straight up jump off the roof of the castle if she feels like it (which is a lot). Also her ego gets her into quite a bit of trouble as well. And her anger is a problem too; if she cant control it it becomes like a hulk situation. This is part of the reason she drinks, it numbs her senses.

6.(how they deal with grief) haha, that's a good one. Kai doesn't deal with grief she just drinks or does more dangerous shit to take her mind off of it. Or she'll just scream and wreck stuff; either way it ends up being more harmful than helpful.

7.(how they like to dress) Kai would prefer to dress in clothes that are easy to move in like pants or shorts; things that fit tight and have little resistance. But because shes royalty, sterling makes sure she at least dresses the part (much to her annoyance; she doesn't seen the point in all the ornamentation and frills. She does find them pretty, just not on her.

8.(what they like to eat) Anything that she can rip apart like meat and stuff. She loves using those teeth lol

9.(their theme) I think this means what their character is based around, but if im wrong please correct me. Kai's theme is embracing femininity, learning to grieve, and learning to be an independent person.

10.(their fashion sense) Like mentioned earlier sterling picks out most of her clothes for her, so her fashion sense stems from his (and she hates it lmao)

11.(their family life) Her mother died when she was 10, and she has no other siblings. Her father is too busy running the kingdom to pay attention to his daughter. Sterling and her have the best relationship (they were inseparable those first 10 years) but after the queens death and kais subsequent possession, things have become very strained.

12.(their romantic life) HAHAHA. Yeah no shes demi ace and terrified of emotional intimacy and commitment. If she did flirt, she'd be pretty good at it, but she's kinda oblivious about that kinda thing. People often mistake her charm and charisma as romantic interest, but she's just very friendly.

13.(their embarrassing memory from years ago) The most embarrassing thing to happen to her so far, is that sterling is the one who saw her covered in blood and possessed. Its a fuzzy memory at best, but she remembers enough for it to be painful.

14.(how they react to burning their tongue on food) Lots of choking and cursing, occasionally followed by yelling at whoever made the food. And if shes feeling particularly stupid that day, she'll just down the rest of it, hoping it burns her mouth even more.

15.(how they react to a brainfreeze) She's never had anything that cold before, but if she did there would also be lots of cursing, followed by her immediately drinking/eating as fast as she can to make it happen again lol

16.(their dreams) She dreams of being able to go to the ocean; her mother promised she'd take her when she got older (they live very far away from any large body of water much less an ocean) She also dreams of being free from the restrictions of being royalty and just being able to do whatever she wants.

17.(their ambitions) Her main ambition is to find a way to put her heart back into her chest (it was literally cut out of her and put into a box) and get rid of the ghost possessing her.

18.(how they sleep) She sleeps most of the day and stays up during the night. Its not restful sleep by any means, but its all she can get. She has constant nightmares and also its hard to sleep when theres an other worldly entity watching you 8)

19.(their reaction to betrayal) She avoids relationships for this very reason (but it still happens), she just shuts down completely; no talking, no crying, nothing but heavy silence.

20.(their reaction to a mystery love letter) She'd act all "of course! one of my many admirers'!" then when she's alone, she furiously tries to figure out who and why lol.

21.(how they react to pain) Because of complications from the possession she is hyper sensitive to pain (the ghost possessing her did this to try and prevent her from doing anything dangerous to increase her magic power, but jokes on her it backfired) So while it may seem likes she's being overdramatic, that would be the one time she's actually not over exaggerating.

22.(what they're like on two hours of sleep) Wired as shit. Anything can set her off, and she talk super fast too, like she's had 12 cups of coffee or something.

23.(how they act when they're sick) She can't actually get sick, again the ghost prevents it. She needs a healthy, preferably young host to completely thrive, so she makes sure that the host gets sick as little as possible and that they stay young as long as possible. It's why kai is so small, her growth is stunted.

24.(what motivates them) Her want to take back control over her life and fix the damage she has caused to others through her reckless and selfish behavior (on a smaller scale) her flaw of being a people pleaser.

25.(why do you enjoy them) I enjoy her because she reminds me a lot of myself, both currently and how I used to be. Shes the first oc I ever created and gave backstory and a personality to; shes my shark baby ;v;

Sterling

1. His voice is smooth and rich like chocolate (he is my hot character okay let me have this). He has a medium pitch voice that is gentle and kind, while still remaining authoritative and firm. He loves to sing and has an amazing voice (honestly wish I had an example but I haven't found one yet)

2. He has a smile that radiates pure gentleness and sunshine and he smiles often! He doesn't believe that all knights have to be boring and stuffy, and he likes to use his kindness to challenge that.

3. This is gonna be so sappy but his greatest achievement in his own words is "watching kai become her own person".

4. He worries constantly that he has failed at his job as a knight to the royal family. He blames himself for the queens death and kais downward spiral. He also has scars that he is self conscious of ( kais the only one whos seen them, and even that was an accident)

5. Sterling can be a bit too controlling when it comes to kai, it comes from a place of love, but its also his way of dealing with this resentment towards kai. He is also an enabler and allows reckless and unhealthy behavior to continue because its easier to not confront it. And his fear of blood is debilitating as well.

6. He'll usually allow himself to cry, but only in private. He usually bottles up his emotions so he doesn't burden others or takes his aggression out by sparring.

7. Sterling has a uniform to wear like the other knights, but even when not on duty his clothes very much give away that hes a knight. He dresses solely for function; if he can work and get around in them hes perfectly fine.

8. Sterling loves bread, like im pretty sure he'd marry it if he could. However because of his knight status and pride in his own appearance, he has to resist and make himself eat a healthy diet lol.

9. Sterling's theme is family, or rather, even if you aren't blood related you can still be family. And that sometimes things are out of your control and that's okay.

10. He has pretty good fashion sense, he can figure what looks good on someone just by looking at them. He always looks impeccably dressed himself but prefers a minimalist style.

11. Sterling has a huge family! He has several siblings (some he's related to, some not) but I haven't decided how many yet. And he has two loving parents that are very supportive of his career choice (his mother still worries though).

12. Sterling has no time for romance, plus hes not interested (that doesn't stop people from flirting however); hes aroace :)

13. Probably when he was first actually assigned to take care of kai as a baby. He hade no idea what do and had to ask several of the other knights and servants to help him (some of them won't let him live it down either)

14. Just look at the "this is fine" meme and you'll have your answer

15. Same as above lol

16. He dreams of traveling and helping people all over the world, and also seeing kai grow and develop into her own person.

17. He wants to be the best knight ever (but he'd never actually say that shhhh) at least that's all I have for him haha

18. His sleep schedules kinda screwed because if theres a problem with kai, he has to handle it, no one else will. Plus he's naturally a early riser, so the amount of sleep he can get varies. He's a light sleeper as well.

19. (why would you betray him how could you) But betraying him will land you on his shit list and he will be as petty as possible; passive aggressive might as well be his middle name.

20. He's just kinda like "aw that's sweet" and never think about it again. He might share them with kai if theyre interesting enough. Honestly you'd be better of just telling him to his face how you feel, so he won't ignore you that way.

21. He has a pretty high pain tolerance; being a knight you have to be able to take damage and get right back up again, and he's gotten pretty good at that.

22. Same as usual honestly, maybe a little more drowsy but that's it.

23. He'll probably hide that he's sick lmao, he doesn't like being taken care of. He could be hacking up a lung and still refuse medicine like "don't worry about me im fine haha :D"

24. He wants to make a difference in the world, create a legacy to leave behind.

25. I enjoy him because I've always loved straight laced by the books characters, they're such dorks and I love it haha. Plus hes my pretty boy UwU

Elysia

1. Her voice is low and quiet; it commands the listeners attention. She developed this trait because she usually talks to animals who are more perceptive of tonal inflections than people are. She can sing as well, but it's more of a warble than actually singing, but it still sounds beautiful.

2. Elsyia rarely ever smiles, unless she's talking to animals (even then it can vary depending on which animals show teeth as a sign of aggression) but when she does its a nice small slight smile.

3. Her greatest achievement is the fact that she's still alive; everyday it takes all her strength to get up and keep moving.

4. Like with Kai a lot of her insecurities stem from the way she looks; people aren't exactly willing to be nice to demons. She also worries she's going to seriously hurt someone with her lightning magic.

5. Her paranoia and anxiety are her main problems (while they are not necessarily something she can always control, they do affect her perception and decisions).

6. She'll most likely isolate herself or just flat out leave for several days. She comes back but you can see something is still wrong when you look at her eyes (jesus Christ none of my characters know how to grieve)

7. Anything that's flowy and lets her breath is her favorite. Due to her blood being super heated plasma her body temp is waaaay higher than normal, so her lack of clothing is an effort to not over heat.

8. Elysia is a vegetarian! She doesn't want to hurt animals :( Also the effort to find plants to eat is less when you're constantly roaming than finding and capturing an animal to eat.

9. Elyisa's theme is self-acceptance and learning to put trust in others.

10. I imagine her as being pretty fashion forward but due to her body temp and money issues she just kinda wears whatever.

11. She's an only child, her father left her an her mother when she was young so she became the sole provider for the two of them. Unfortunately her and her mother are now separated.

12. Nope no nah no way. Like sterling she has no time and its not something she ever considered (until she meets kai of course >u>) But she's ace as well!

13. When she tried to catch a cow and ended up almost destroying the entire marketplace she lived at.

14. She can't feel it probably, so she'll just keep eating like normal.

15. She gets these a lot because of her need to consume cold things to stay comfortable, so she'll just wait till it goes away then resume eating at a slower pace.

16. Her dreams are to be financially stable (like that's it, she is a broke college student someone help her).

17. Basically the same as above (at least as of now)

18. She has insomnia so she sleeps two hours at a time if that, usually in trees or caves around a campfire. Very light sleeper with frequent night terrors.

19. She expects it at this point, it would still hurt, but she'd act like it was no big deal.

20. She'd wonder who was playing such a mean trick on her :(

21. She's kinda numb at least on her right side??? Cuz that's where she was struck by lightning so she has nerve damage on that side. So she has a normal pain tolerance with the exception of her right side.

22. Normal; irritable, grouchy, and curt.

23. She's a big baby when she's sick lol, but she doesn't want people to take care so she'll just suffer alone

24. Money at this point, she's trying to fill a void, but she's not having any luck, I think it's part of the reason why her motivations and ambitions seem so vague or unfulfilling; she doesn't know what she wants.

25. I love her design the most out of all of them, plus I love writing grumpy characters who have a secret heart of gold

Andie/Andrea

1. Andie's voice is calm and monotone almost as if they have to force a certain tone to their voice. Andie sounds like how a doctor does; brief curt sentences and frank attitude. Yet they sound like silk drifting in the breeze, it confuses anyone who tries to talk to them. When they become more "vocal" a raspyness makes itself known and suddenly all feelings of safety and security are gone and their voice becomes dark and cold.

2. Like with Andie's voice, their smile also seems artificial at further inspection; its almost too perfect, too inviting. It's a trap that most don't realize they are walking into.

3. Andie's greatest achievement is their biomechanical body parts; they pride themselves on being the peak of human and medical technology.

4. Andie worries that there's always someone better, someone smarter, faster, stronger; and that they exist is unacceptable. Andie fears death like most others do not, having escaped it once makes them never want to go through it again. However; their confidence in themselves to make sure that never happens is hanging on by a thread (much like every other aspect of them)

5. They are emotionally and physically abusive on top of being a manipulator with homicidal tendencies and a fragile psyche. Like I said, they're hanging on by a thread.

6. Andie does not deal with grief, at least not anymore. Now it's someone else's problem.

7. They dress to cover any "inhuman" aspects of themselves such as the metal limbs and spine andie has made for themselves.

8. Andie doesn't really eat, they considered it a waste of time. But they do remember the taste of the stew their mother always made...

9. Andie's theme is more of a warning than anything; do not let your experiences and fears consume you or you will be lost to them forever.

10. Andie doesn't care, if it's not related to their work it's not important enough.

11. Andie had a mother and father, but they burned to death in a fire. Now the only "family" (and I use this term loosely) andie has is her two assistants.

12. Andie has no concept of romance, but will use it if it is advantageous to them. Again another frivolous human concept as far as they're concerned.

13. They've erased most of their childhood memories from years of experimenting with their own brain; the more it made andie feel, the quicker it was removed.

14. They can't taste really since their tongue is artificial like most of the rest of them. Andie would get more upset at the fact that the food might be hot enough to damage the material they are made out of.

15. They'd be confused and angry at how useless such a reaction is; they'd probably try to rewire it later.

16. To never die and be an immortal. It's what they have devoted their life too.

17. Same as above, although andie does want to bring back their dead parents.

18. Lmao andie is half cyborg they do not sleep, but like with everything else other people do, they fake it to appear human.

19. Hoo boy that is something you do not under any circumstances want to do. Andie takes is as a very personal offense and will have no qualms about severely hurting someone for it.

20. "what is this? a love letter for me? Aww, how disgusting~"

21. Inhumanly high pain tolerance after years of body modifications; you could take out their eye and they'd be more upset about how much it took to make the eye than actually losing a fucking eye.

22. Normal; still off their rocker.

23. Don't get sick, but occasionally parts will malfunction or fail in which there is a lot of groaning and "fucking serious? again?"

24. Their fear of death and the unknown and bringing back their parents.

25. I don't enjoy andie per say, but they're therapeutic to write in a way? I dunno it's just nice having all these horrible traits in one character and it just gives me a way to vent about the shit ive had to go through. They are not meant to be enjoyed, andie was created to be a projection of the way ive been treated. I also want to say I don't condone any of andie's behavior nor do I intend to romanticize it. (And also I use they for andie not because they are agender or to demonize agender people, but as a reflection of andie's view of themselves. They see themselves as greater than male or female, so their pronouns reflect that. However, if anyone has a batter alternative please let me know :) )

Oh my god this literally took hours but it was so worth it! Thank you again for these asks it was very sweet of you (thank you for letting me be the attention gremlin that I am lol)

[lovinmightyfire]

Thank you lovely @scarlet-rainy-dreams for tagging me in this questionnaire. It’s so interesting, it was quite hard, but such a challenge and a nice time to think lots of stuff. 

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

My idea of perfect happiness would be...being at peace with myself and my surroundings. Enjoying the pleasant things of life...

2. What is your greatest fear?

Myself, my bad side. My anxiety that pushes to all the bad in my life...

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

And here it goes again. My anxiety issues. When I’m in painful stress, it’s like I can become someone entirely different, that can turn normal situations or daily life into pain and bad coping mechanisms, makes up sympthoms, believes in things I would never believe in my senses, let’s say. I know that I can come up to a certain point, but the hard thing is to stop it some times, and I just can’t bear myself like that.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

I don’t like when people self loathes a lot and victimize themselves for believing they’re a piece of crap when they aren’t and they are humans, and all humans have their problems, and can also make their solutions. Often people that act like victims of life live off of the others,like toxic parasytes ruining the environment. I don’t like at all when people use victimism to take advantage on their lies,for example. Well, I can say I do not like ‘psychopatic’ behaviours.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

I would say my boyfriend, but he’s a human. Humans have defects, every human has things that one won’t like to copy or idolize. Well, he made me see my potential, he made me grow as an individual, he helped me to grow and focus on empathy, if that’s understandable. I love people that can give a little bit that goes a long way to help you to make a better you. Let’s say I could admire that people.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

I think yeah, my love of japanese culture, and my passion onto let all people be...I don’t know if that’s also understandable,lol.

7. What is your current state of mind?

All I can think of is “ I need to have another ‘point of focus’ onto my stress”, like now it’s all centered in my back and neck and jaw. Lol. Also,needing to COPE with stress smoothly in order of a better quality of life. More than that, I just want time to pass to see if I can really make into the things I planned for this year. I always say “If it’s not prolly going to work out, I’ll surely keep hanging on the way so things will”.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Being “social, extroverted,talkative”. 

9. On what occasion do you lie?

I don’t always lie, because I’m ...the most terrible person at that, and most likely will feel TOO guilty. But..as humans, like we are, we had said our white lies. I lie if I have to give a surprise to someone. I CAN’T WITH SURPRISES I ALWAYS RUIN THEM. But if I really need to keep it, I will..say I did sth else. And I also lie to go alone. Like, being with friends and saying “ Oh, I need to go to some place to take sth, I won’t join you/I’m going to the doctor so I’m leaving earlier” So I leave alone and travel completely alone, with no one going with me. Ah yeah. I isolate myself very often. Sometimes it’s a need, but it’s not like I’m overwhelmed with people. It’s a trait I also despise of myself,but something I need.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

Maybe the shape I have in my torso. like, not having like a “feminine” figure,and not exercising makes it look weird... I don’t really have too many problems with myself on the outside. 

11. Which living person do you most despise?  

I despise no one. But I don’t quite like some people, because of what they are. 

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

I love when a man is sensitive, is very sure of himself and what he likes and hates, when he can channel his beauty inside and outside, the wit and intelligence, AND A BEAUTIFUL SMILE AND EYES WHERE I CAN SEE THE ENDLESS HUMBLY AND HARMONY IN HIS SOUL sorry

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Ehh well I like intelligence in a woman,also assertiveness. 

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“I love that” “I don’t like it when” “Thank you”

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

This is cheesy,but I’ll just read my heart, Istvan. I will never thank anyone so much. Despite everything, whatever the result is. I will always be thankful for lots of things. That leads me to, I also want to be the love of my life.

16. When and where were you happiest?

The first time I looked into Istvan’s eyes when I met him personally in an airport, dressing with a celebration outfit at midnight. I was shaking nervously, and when I laid eyes on him, it was like magic and time actually stopped. I felt in such a peace of mind state that led myself on, almost like floating of how calm I was, suddenly. There were no worries or expectations anymore, they were unexistent. I also recall when I looked at snowflakes when I was at his house. And when I was at sea floating, I said “I want to take a picture of this moment”. All the happiest moments take me to “love".  I also want to point that I feel so cheesy and embarrassed when talking about my love, or love in public. Ah. haha

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I’d love to be very talented from the start with my favorite musical instruments. And maybe with creating clothes, like taking my creativity into clothing items but I can’t even simply sew. It’s like a math problem to me. Ah, I wouldn’t like to be talented on math or those things, because I don’t like them.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I changed lots of things I hated about myself these years. So I would like not to be anxious at all,or easily stressed,also being more ‘laid back’ in some decisions I could take,because life is about plans; but life is also about not following some of the plans. 

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I feel more at ease with myself. I feel like I can really get to love myself in the future, in a 100%. I love so much some of my qualities, my traits that is unbelievable how proud I am of being what I am. This is what I call a great achievement.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

A grim reaper. Maybe this isn’t my fourth life, maybe I sinned a lot, maybe I sinned in the next one, because I’m not gonna be a grim reaper with this life I have now. LOL *Evidently watched Goblin, carried away with it* Uso,uso. Nothing. I don’t have an idea.

21. Where would you most like to live?

Now I am very prepared for city life, with glimpses of nature. Would not like to live in the very center of a city because of the noise and the stuff...I also need the green in my life, the branches, the breeze. But I don’t like being far from a city.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

*I’ll figure out my room suddenly goes on fire* My headphones, the few meaningful band merch I have, A little Cortana doll my bf gave to me,along with a dragon statue,whew they’re meaningful.A necklace I always have on.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Yeah, like Oli said, losing the will to live, despising yourself and others that much you’d do that.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

Doing something that awakes and stimulates my interest, which is very deep and passionate.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I am assertive. I am loyal. And the best for last, I am VERY determined/strong willed. I’m just marking what people says they admire of me.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Being people who I can actually be at peace and silence when it’s necessary and not so necessary. People who act quickly and really wants to be around you. 

27. Who are your favorite writers?

Maybe I liked a lot of things Gabo García Márquez and Julio Cortázar wrote. But I like too many different styles, and I won’t mention more/or a real fav.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

I don’t know, man. But heroes for me are strongly determined passionate and fight-for-their-dreams people. 

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Nah, I don’t identify with anyone.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Oh, I already said that, don’t wanna repeat myself that much! 

31. What are your favorite names?

Ah! I love names! I like names with E and I ,they’re my favorite thing (why? IDK they sound so beautiful to me) like Ilonka, Imogen, Iris,Eren,Emre, Irine, Istvan (YEAH one of the reasons I came up with him was his beautiful name calling my attention) and if we’re calling a nationality I like hungarian names, russian/balkan/turkic names aka FANTASY SOUNDING BEAUTIFUL NAMES the most. I also like some japanese ones, but I’m turning off the weeb in this topic.

But to summarize it, I basically like unisex names, or female names that sound like male, and male names sounding like female. Names are beautiful, there’s something more than about this anyway. 

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Being a bait for something, being lied to

33. What is your greatest regret?

Not doing too much for my posture.

34. How would you like to die?

I don’t even wanna think about that. But what I wouldn’t like is making people I love suffer for me, feeling a useless burden. I’d rather die.

35. What is your motto?

"any dream stops being one if you believe in yourself, fight enough and just go for it all the way”

I’m tagging @severemagazinementality @rasenchuu @fautsus @natalicius @lunaloupgarou @april-lilies this time. 

[luluuu-blog]

P.Jaisini-smiles-GIG-NYC2015

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE MANIFESTO GLEITZEIT 2015 BY STELLY RIESLING Featured below is another original art work of mine in homage to THE PIONEER OF INVISIBLE ART — PAUL JAISINI. Forget all the copycats that came after him — Master Paul Jaisini was the *FIRST* of a totally original concept and the *BEST*. My favorite thing about him is that he’s a voice, not an echo, which is quite rare. DISCLAIMER: This is for anyone who is a hater OR wishes to better understand me, what I’m all about, so you can decide whether I’m weird or normal enough for you — a kind of very loose manifesto, rushed and unrevised, full of raw uncut emotion that I don’t like to be evident in my writing as lately I prefer a more professional, formal style, so we can consider this a rough draft of the more polished writing to come when I have extra time. I might return to this text later and clean it up or break it into separate parts. Right now it’s a long-winded hot mess, so if you manage to make any sense of it, BIG PROPS TO YOU. lol …and if you manage to read it ALL, you have my solemn respect!!! in a day when reading has been reduced to just catchy headliners and short captions of images once in a while. The consequence of this one-liner internet culture is non-linear, tunnel thinking, which is baaaaaad. There lives among us a most enigmatic and charismatic creature named Paul Jaisini who led me into the wonderful world of art, not personally, but through descriptions of his artworks in essays written and published online by his friend, which painted the most fascinating images in my mind. Early on as a kiddo, I experimented with photography, simple point and shoot whatever looked attractive to me. Digital manipulation of my photographs with computer software followed… and somehow I learned useful drawing techniques along the way to combine existing elements with nonexistent ones, which allowed me to elevate the context for my ideas. Later, I started creating my own digital art from scratch for my friends and family as a favorite pastime. They would shower me with praise and repeatedly encouraged me to share my “different” vision with the rest of the world… it took a while and wasn’t easy to overcome the insecurity of not being good enough along with a gripping fear of being harshly criticized, but one day I woman-ed up and started publishing my work on the web, reminding myself that my livelihood didn’t depend on a positive reception. Paul Jaisini’s role in all this has been to not disgrace myself, even if what I do is just a hobby. And I would never do him and other genius artists the disservice of calling myself a professional because I know I’ll never be as good as any of the GIANTS of pre-modern history. Be the best or be nothing, no middle ground. People’s jealousy in the past, future and present over my obsessive love of Paul Jaisini, which they are well aware is purely plutonic, has caused them to despise the man and has made many relationships/friendships impossible for me. I refuse to have such people in my life because by harboring any negativity towards Paul, they unknowingly feel that way about me and express it to me. It’s their own problem for not realizing this. Paul’s new art movement, Gleitzeit, shaped me into the allegedly awesome girl I am today, giving my art more edge, more “sexy” because it refined my vision of the world and propelled me to attain the skills necessary to not dishonor my family name through tenacious pursuit of perfection. Since the beginning of my life, I attempted to depict what I saw in visual, musical and literal forms, but continuously failed without adequate training and determination. Paul Jaisini’s Gleitzeit was the answer to my prayers. Who I am today I owe mostly to him and his selfless ideals of the artverse that I’ve given unconditional loyalty to (he has this cool ability for hyper-vision to see whole universes, not itty bitty worlds, hence I call it an artverse instead of art world, with him in mind). So again, anyone who hates Paul Jaisini hates ME because, regardless of what he means to you, he is the most important person in my life for making me ME. The way a famous actor, dancer or singer inspires others to act, dance or sing, Paul inspired me to become a better artist, better writer, better everything. More people would understand if he was a household name because they’re wired to in society. But we’re inspiring each other all the time in our own little communities without being famous, so if someone has the ability to change even ONE person’s life immensely with creativity, it is a massive achievement. And passionate folks like myself are compelled to scream it from the cyber rooftops. So here I am. It’s whatever. Furthermore, I’d like to address here a few pressing matters in light of some recent drama brought on by both strangers and former friends. To start, I never judge the passions, interests or likes of others, which are often in my face all over the place, so likewise they have no right to judge any of mine. It is quite unfortunate and frustrating how very little understanding and education the majority of people have or want to have. Their logic is as primitive as a chipmunk when it comes to promotion of fine art on the web: “spamming, advertising, report!” It’s their own problem that they fail to understand what it’s about due to the distorted lens through which they see the world or inability to think for themselves; an inherent lack of perception or inquisitiveness. Well, guess what? Every single image, every animation, every video, every post dedicated to Mr. Paul Jaisini and “Gleitziet” (to elaborate: a revolutionary new art movement Paul founded with his partner in crime and personal friend, EYKG, who discovered him and believed in him more than anyone) has an important purpose. Every one of those things you run across is a piece of a puzzle, a move in a game, an inch down a rabbit hole; the deeper you go, the more interesting it gets; the more levels you pass, the more clues unfold, the greater the suspense and nearer the conclusion (yet further). You earn awesome rewards like enlightenment, spiritual revelations, truths, knowledge, wisdom and the most profound reward of all: the drive to improve yourself to the absolute maximum, so an unending, unshakable drive. People often make a wrong turn in this cyber game and go back a few levels or get stuck. Those that keep on pushing, however, will come to find the effort has been worth it. And what awaits you in the end of it all? The greatest challenge to beating the game: YOUR OWN MIND. You will be forced to let go of every belief you held before you had reached the last level, to completely alter your mindset and perception of the world, of life, of yourself. But by the time you’ve gotten to that point, it will be as easy as falling off a cliff! (It is a kind of suicide after all — death and rebirth of spirit.) Paul Jaisini does NOT, *I repeat* does NOT use mystery and obscurity to his advantage as a clever marketing ploy, no, he’s too next level for that with a consciousness so rich, he should wear a radioactive warning sign (he’ll melt your brain, best wear a tinfoil hat in his presence as I certainly would.) The statement he makes is loud and clear, hidden in plain site for those who take the time to connect the dots and have enough curiosity to fuel their journey into unknown territory (an open mind and flexible perception helps a lot). Actually, anyone with an IQ above 90 is sure to figure it out sooner or later. Hint: You don’t have to SEE an extraordinary thing with your eyes to know it exists, to understand it and realize its greatness — you can only feel it in your bone marrow, your spinal fluid, your heart and soul. The moment you do figure it out, as the skeleton key of the human soul, it will unlock the greatness and massive potential buried deep within, changing the doomed direction humanity is undoubtedly headed. I don’t speak in riddles, I speak in a clear direct way that intelligent humans will understand, so I’m counting on them. GIG is an international group of artists and writers that support Paul Jaisini’s Gleitzeit. We started off as an unofficial fan club of Jaisini in 1996, comprised of only 6 individuals spanning 3 countries, and eventually escalated in status to an official fan group across the entire globe. A decade later it had grown to hundreds of fans. Nearly another decade later, there are thousands. Let’s not leave out another delightful group of vicious haters that have been around for nearly as long as us since the late 90s and have also grown in impressive numbers. Now, for the record (and please write this one down because I’m sick of repeating myself), Paul Jaisini himself is not part of our group and has nothing to do with us. He loves and hates us equally for butchering his name and making him appear as a narcissistic nut-job in his own words. He casts hexes on us for the blinding flash we layer over the art that members contribute to GIG — “disgusting-police-lights, seizure-inducing-laser-lightshow, bourgeois-myspace-effects retarded-raver shit” in Paul’s words. Ahh, how we love his sweet-talking us. In a desperate attempt to please him, those among us who make the art and animations have spent countless hours and sleepless nights trying to solve a crazy-complex quantum-physics type of equation = how to not create tacky or tasteless content. He does fancy some of it now, we got better, that’s something! In the reason stated below, our mission just got out of hand at some point. What little is known about Paul Jaisini, even in all this time, is he’s a horrible perfectionist who slaughtered hundreds of innocent babies — I mean — artworks of remarkable beauty created by his own right hand (mostly paintings, some watercolors and drawings). He’s a fierce recluse who wants nothing to do with anyone or anything in life. But those few of us who know of an incredible talent he possesses (one could go as far as calling it a superpower), could not allow him to live his life without the recognition he FUCKING DESERVES more than any artist out there living today and, arguably, yesterday. We use whatever means necessary to reach more people, lots of flash and razzle-dazzle to lure them into our sinister trap of a higher awareness. Mwahaha! The visual boom you’ve witnessed in both cyber and real worlds, that is GIG’s doing — two damn decades of spreading an art virus — IVA. InVisibleArtitis… or a drug as in Intravenous Art. It’s whatever you want it to be, honey. Our Gleitzeit International Group (GIG) started off innocently enough and gradually spiraled out of control to fight the haters, annoying the hell out of them as much as humanly possible. They don’t like what we do? WE DO MORE AND MORE OF IT. But never without purpose, without a carefully executed plan in mind collectively. If we have to tolerate an endless tidal wave of everyone’s vomit — e.g., idiotic memes and comics; dumbed-down one-liner quotes; selfies; so-called “art photography” passed through one-click app filters; mindless scribbles or random splatters by regular folks who have the nerve to call themselves serious/pro artists; primitive images of pets, babies, landscapes, random objects, etc… then people sure as shit are gonna tolerate what we put out, our animated and non-animated visual art designed for our beloved master, Paul Jaisini, who has shown us the light, the right path to follow, taught us great things and done so much for us — and so in our appreciation of him, we stamp his name on everything, for the sacrifices he has made in the name of art, to save our art verse, he’s a goddamn hero. There’s a book being written in his dedication where little will be left to the imagination about him. If Paul Jaisini was as famous as Koons or Hirst, for example, people would know it’s not him posting stuff online with his name on it but fans creating fanart like myself among others. But noooooo, such a thing is unfathomable to most people – the promotion of another artist. Like, what’s in it for us? Uhh, nothing?? This is all NON-PROFIT bitches, the way art should be. It’s a passion FIRST, a commodity/commercial product/marketable item LAST and least. Its been that way for us since the early 90s to this day. Not a single member of GIG has sold an art work (neither has Paul Jaisini who’s a true professional) and we want to keep it that way. We do it for reasons far beyond ego. So advertising? Really? How the hell do you advertise or sell thin air, you know, invisible paintings, invisible anything? Ha ha, very funny indeed. The idea here is so simple, your neighbor’s dog can grasp it. Our motives: replace fast food for the mind with fine art, actual fine art. You know, creativity? Conscious thought? Talent? Skill? Knowledge? All that good stuff rolled into one to bring viewers more than a momentary ooohand aaahh reaction. Replace the recycled images ad nauseum; repetitious, worn-out ideas; disposable, gimmicky, money-driven fast art for simpletons. Stick with the highest of ideals and save the whole bloody planet. Fine art is often confused with craft-making. This often creates bad blood between classically trained artists who put out paintings that leave a lasting impression, that make strong conversation pieces, that are thought-provoking and deep… and trained craftspeople whose skills are adequate to create decorative pieces for homely environments — landscapes, still lifes, animals, pretty fairies, common things of fantasy, and other simplicity. Skills alone are not enough for high art, you need a vision, a purpose, the ability to tell a story with every stroke of your brush that will both fascinate and terrify the viewers, arousing powerful emotions, illuminating. I have yet to see a visible painting in my generation that does anything at all for me, other than evoke sheer outrage and disgust. What a terrible waste of space and valuable resources it all is. Paul Jaisini leads, we follow. He wishes to remain unknown – so do most of us. I’m next in line, slipping into recluse mode, no longer wanting to attach my face, my human image to my art stuff. I wish to be a nameless, faceless artist as well, invisible like P.J., and in his footsteps I too have destroyed thousands of my own artistic photography and digital art made with tedious, labor-intensive handwork. The whole point of this destruction is achieving the finest results possible by letting go of the imperfect, purging it on a regular basis, to make way for the perfect. I love what I do so it doesn’t matter, I know I’ll keep producing as much as I’m discarding, keeping the balance. Hoarding is an enemy of progress, especially the digital kind as there’s absolutely no limit to it. It’s like carrying a load of bricks on your back you’ll never use or need. The watering down of creativity that digital pack ratting has caused as observed over the years is most tragic. For the creative individual, relying on terabytes of stock photos or OSFAP as I call them (Once Size Fits All Photos) instead of making your own as you used to when you had no choice, being 100% original, is a splinter in the conscience. It’s not evil to use stock of, say, things you don’t have access to (outer space, deep sea, Antarctica, etc.), but many digital artists I know today can’t take their own shot of a pencil ‘cause they “ain’t got no time for that!” How did they have time before? Did time get so compressed in only a decade? Ohhhhh, and the edits, textures, filters, plug-ins and what-have-you available out there to everyone and their cats… are responsible for the tidal wave of rubbish that eclipses the magnificent light of the real talents. I can tell you with utmost sincerity there is no better feeling on earth than knowing your creation is ALL yours, every pixel and dot, from the first to the last. It’s not always possible to make it so, but definitely the most rewarding endeavor. I’m most proud of myself when I can accomplish that. Back to Paul Jaisini, from the start there have been a number of theories floating around on what his real story is. One of my own theories is that he stands for the unknowns of the world who can’t get representation, can’t get exhibited at a decent gallery because highly gifted/trained artists aren’t good enough – those kind of establishments prefer bananas, balloon dogs, feces, gigantic dicks/cunts, and all kinds of what-the-fucks… So again, you don’t get the Paul Jaisini thing? That’s your problem. Don’t hate others for getting it. People are good, very good, at making baseless assumptions and impulsively spewing it as truth. They criticize and judge as if they’re high authorities on the subject yet they clearly lack education in fine art or art history and possess little to no talent or skill to back up their bullshit. My little “credibility radar” never fails. When they say I know this or I know that, I reply don’t say “I know” or state things as fact as a general rule of thumb – instead say “I assume/believe” and state the reasons you feel thus to appear less immature, especially about a controversial topic like invisible art. I have zero respect or tolerance for egomaniacs who think they know it all and act accordingly like arrogant pricks. Who can stand those, right? Once again, a good example would be: I, Stelly Riesling, believe everything I’ve written in this little manifesto to be correct based on personal experience and observation from multiple angles, thorough research and sufficient data collected from verifiable sources (and don’t go copying-pasting my own words back at me, be original). Just because you or I say so doesn’t make it so. Just because you or me think or believe so doesn’t make it true or right. I only ask that my opinions are regarded respectfully and whoever opposes them does so in a mature, civilized manner. We should only be entitled to opinions that don’t bring out the worst in us. I don’t normally take such a position, but the time has come to stand up for what I believe in! It’s quite amusing and comical how haters think calling me names, attacking me or my interests or members of the project I’m part of for years is going to change something. It only makes more evident the importance of what I’m doing so I push on harder still. Words of advise to those who can identify with me, with my frustrations over people’s reluctance to change their miserable ways, with our declining art world… DON’T waste time on people who sweat the small stuff, whose actions are consistently inconsistent with their words. DO waste time on people who always keep their eye on the ball—the bigger picture of life. Paul Jaisini’s invisible paintings are more than hype, more than your lame assumptions. Here’s one I got that’s pure gold: a cult! It started out as A JOKE OF MINE that was used against me. I told a then-good friend that he should come join our little “art cult” in a clearly lighthearted manner, and later he takes this idea I put in his head first and accuses me of being in an (imaginary) cult—the jokes on me eh?. But wait, aren’t cults religious? Our group consists of people around the world of different faiths (or none at all) so how could that ever work? If religion was about making fine (non-pop) art mainstream and bringing awesome, fresh, futuristic concepts to the collective consciousness, the world would not be so fucked up today because talent, creativity, originality and individuality would be the main focus, not superficial poppycock; those things would be praised and encouraged and supported in society by all institutions, not demonized and stigmatized. Here is one thing I CAN state as solid fact: only one person close to Paul Jaisini knows the TRUE story, or at least some of it: EYKG. Everything else that has ever been said about him is myth, legend, gossip, speculation, the worst of which is said by jealous non-artists (wannabes, clones, posers, hang-ons, unoriginal ppl in general) and anti-artists (religious psychos, squares, losers and -duh- stupid ppl). Sadly, people are unable to see the bigger picture by letting their egos run their lives or repeating after others as parrots. Commercial art, consumerism, and ignorance of the masses truly makes me want to curl up in a ball, not eat or drink or move until I die, just die in my sleep while dreaming of a better world, a world where real fine artists rule it with real fine art as they used to and life is beautiful once again…. Well I hope that settled THAT for now, or perhaps inadvertently made matters worse. I hope I didn’t sound too pissed from all these issues that keep popping up like penises on ChatRoulette… just got to me already! Can you tell? I had to put my foot down, stomp ‘em all! To be continued, still lots more ignorance and pettiness to battle… Till then peace out my bambini. MWAH! FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE MANIFESTO GLEITZEIT 2015 PROLOGUE Paul Jaisini was like a messiah, as you wish, who saw/understood the impending end and complete degeneration of Fine art or Art become and investment nothing more than that. He predicted the bubble pops art when everybody would eventually become an artist, including dogs cats and horses, because they as kids followed the main rule: express yourself without skills or knowledge or any aesthetic concerns. J. Pollack started pouring paints onto canvases; Julian Schnabel, former cab driver from NY, suddenly decided he could do better than what he saw displayed in galleries, so he started gluing dishes on canvases; A.Warhol, an industrial artist who made commercial silk-screen for the factories he worked in, started to exhibit "Campbell’s soup" used for commercial adds… and later the thing that made him an "American Idol": by copying and pasting Hollywood celebrities (same type of posters he made before for movie theaters). When Paul Jaisini stood out against the Me culture in the US by burning all of his own 120 brilliant paintings (according to the then-new director of Fort Worth MoMa Museum, who offered hin an exhibition of his art in 1992, and later the Metropolitan Museum curator, Phillippe de Montebello, in 1994).Paul probably assumed all fellow true fine artists would join him or stand by him against corruption of the art world. And after 20 years of his stand-off…the time has finally come today. Many artists and humanitarians around the world took a place beside him. His invisible Paintings became a synonym for the future reincarnation of fine art and long lost harmony. The establishment is in panic! The "moneybags" (as Paul Jaisini named them) are in panic, because they invested BILLIONS of dollars in real crap made by craftsmen. Now they realize that the reputation of American legends of expressionism was nothing but a copy of Russian avant-garde" Kazimir Malevich, Vasiliy Kandinsky and tens of others from France and Germany.. US tycoon investors were spending billions on "Me more original, than you". "Artist Shit" is a 1061 artwork by the Italian artist Piero Manzoni. The work consists of 90 tin cans, filled with feces. A tin can was sold for £124,000, 180,000 at Sothebys, 2007. EPILOGUE Before I resume promoting and admiring a very important art persona on today’s international art arena, I’d like to clear up some BIG questions; people ask continuously and subconsciously, directly & indirectly: "Why does the name Paul Jaisini, flood the Internet in such "obnoxious" quantities that it’s started suppressing some other activities that my friends might share with the rest of the Internet’s Ego Me only Me www society? I can’t just answer this… so I’ll try to explain why I’m writing this: Jaisini’s followers keep posting art and info about, He IMHO the only hope in quickly decomposing visual fine art. "Paul Jaisini realized many years ago, in 1994, when he declared (at that time to himself only) the start of a New era, a New vision, that he is trying to redirect from the rat race, started by an establishment in post-war New York, long before the Internet culture. Sub related information: Adolf Gottlieb, Mart Rothko, etc (after visiting Paris France in 1933): "We must forget analytical art, we must express ourselves, as a 5 year old child would, without a developed consciousness. Forget about results – do what you feel, EXPRESS yourself with your own unique style" With this statement Mark Rothko starts to teach his students, degeneration of fine art begins, and the generation of war of styles took a start signal of the material race, greatly rewarded by establishment "individual" – eccentric craftsmen – show business clowns. Sub related Information: In the summer of 1936, Adolf Gottlieb painted more than 800 paintings, which was 20X more than he created in his whole art career as a painter, starting from the time of Gottlieb becomes a founding member of "The Ten" group in NYC "Group of Ten" was a very peculiar, enigmatic group… Based on a religious point of view;(where a human figure was prohibited from being created) GLOSSARY IN 1997, Paul Jaisini’s best friend Ellen Y.K.Gottlieb started a cyber campaign by promoting on a very young Internet, back then, Paul Jaisini’s burned paintings as Invisible Paintings, visible only through poetic essays. She and a handful of people saw his originals and were devastated that nobody could ever see them again. "We, his fans, believe that someday Paul will recreate his 120 burned paintings if he has any decency and moral obligation to his fans, who have dedicated decades to make it happen, for their Phoenix to rise from the ashes and the whole world will witness that all these years we spent to get him back to re-paint the Visuals again were not in vain," – said E.Y.K.Gottlieb in 2014 during the 20th anniversary celebration of Invisible Paintings to GIGroup in NYCity. So now, hopefully, this clears up why I and others do what we do – our "cyber terrorism" of good art, dedicated to Paul Jaisini’s return, which is & and was our mission & our goal. We post good art to fight "troll art" which is worthless pics, after being passed through 1-click filters of free web apps. We are, in fact, against this www pops pollution, done with "bubble art" by the out of control masses with 5 billon pics a day: Pics of cats, memes, quotes,national geographic sunsets and waterfalls, not counting their own daily "selfies: and whatever self-indulging Me-ego-Me affairs, sponsored happily by photo gadget companies like Canon, Nikon, Sony…who churn out higher quality madness tools at lower cost. This way Government taking away attention from the real world crisis of lowest morality & economical devastation. The masses are too easily re-engineered/manipulated by the Establishment PopsStyle delivered to them by pop music and Hollywood "super" stars. In 1992 Paul Jaisini’s Gleitzeit theory predict such a massive, pops self-entertain madness, following technological explosion, but not in illusive scales. Uber Aless @2015 NYC USA NOTE Date’s numbers and events can be slightly inaccurate. #gleitzeit #paul-jaisini #invisible #painting #art #futurism #art-news,

Posted by E_Y_K_G on 2015-03-28 04:43:10

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The post P.Jaisini-smiles-GIG-NYC2015 appeared first on Good Info.

[sarcasmncriticism-blog]

2017.

I haven’t blogged in years.  When you go through things, the very thing you’re passionate about becomes obsolete.  For the last few years, I’ve become somewhat reclusive.  My life has changed COMPLETELY from 3 years ago.  With 2017 coming to an end, I needed to write--document--the year I’ve had. So here’s a snapshot of the experiences and lessons learned during my 2017.

I attempted to start the year fresh and work on my family....that lasted 3 weeks.  I finally made the decision to cease my efforts for good in January 2017.  

I endured verbal and mental abuse.

I learned to deal with humiliation.

My apartment flooded in March.

This was the year of the SHOW for me: 2 Chris Brown shows, Bruno Mars, Jay-Z, Vic Mensa, Jagged Edge, The Internet, OT Genesis, Future, 2Chainz, Gucci Mane, Chance the Rapper, Pastor Troy, Monica, Boosie...and a plethora of others I don’t feel like remembering.  Just know I was #ConcertBae2017.

I was laid off with no valid reasoning in May, 2 days before I was supposed to close on new house. It was BS but I get it.  My boss didn’t like that I questioned her business practices.  As the only licensed person on her staff, I told her point blank I wasn’t risking my license to scam people out of money.

I got another job within 30 days and was fired 10 business days later - again with no explanation....again before closing on a new condo. (I was determined to be a homeowner this year lol)

Then I was hired 3 days later and with that job came respect and responsibility.  My salary increased, I have staff, I am in charge of a million dollar account. It’s annoying truthfully but being a lower level employee doesn’t suit me (Obviously-I’ve been fired 3 times lol)

My cousin was murdered in August.

A month later, my friend Seth (#TeamFirkForever) passed away in his sleep.

3 weeks later my grandmother passed away in her sleep.

I experienced being handcuffed for the first time by a cop determined to find narcotics in my car. He found nothing of course - but he had done the SAME thing to me the week prior as I was passing through Ellijay. Harassment! I was with 2 black men.  I don’t know if he thought we were running drugs since we were out of town or what but I definitely felt targeted - which is TERRIFYING nowadays.

I watched almost everyone get engaged or married as I started over and felt nothing but happiness for them.

I evaluated the environment my child was in and realized it was unnecessarily toxic.  More determined than ever to get a new place.

I took a trip with a childhood friend to Colorado and it was AMAZING!

I grew tired of bitter arguments and adopted a nonresponse approach (I only respond if a legitimate question is asked).

I was sued by a scammer for 1000s who caused an accident.  It was technically my fault for ‘following’ too closely even though we were at a complete stop prior to collision (they need to change that law).  Not a serious wreck. maybe $1000 worth of damage between the 2 cars (that’s being generous). Told my insurance company I had video of the man telling me about his pre-existing health issues - which he claimed I caused in the accident.  My insurance company paid him anyway.  I have a new insurance company now. :-) 

I’ve grown closer to my inner circle.

Benihana became a fav.

I dealt with the person who was supposed to care about me telling lies to family and friends in an effort to save their own face from their indiscretions.  It only worked on their family though.  Nobody believes that BS and if they do, I hope their 2018 is blessed as they continue life with no rationale.

I no longer can deal with anyone who cannot take responsibility for their actions.  

I had a close friend go through a divorce and another who faced the reality her partner was a mooch and cheater.  We became each other’s support throughout our personal devastations. The 3 of us are in a better place.

I kicked myself in the face everyday for giving up on my dreams in order to have a successful family-only to get fucked over.  I kept myself from becoming bitter as I see the very people that I helped in the music industry become more successful than myself within the field. (On the independent shit...traded it all for a husband and some kids....and it was a major fail).

THE ECLIPSE!! I felt something spiritual happening in the universe. Incredible experience.

My Macbook screen cracked (thank God for insurance).

Age is no longer a viable excuse for being an adult and conducting yourself in a completely idiotic fashion. I will distance myself from you immediately.

I stopped conversing with people who added nothing to my life.

I lost 20 pounds due to stress. Trying to gain that back.

I saved one my best friend’s life.  Scariest moment of the year for sure.

I realized, I’ve outgrown most of my family and friends.  I’m more career driven and I love working towards success.  The average person doesn’t think like that and it’s sad.  I can’t stay around those type of people because I become “boujee” in their eyes. lol 

Depression was a thing for me this year.

I’ve grown extremely impatient with people who do nothing or live mediocre lifestyles.  I can’t deal with it.  It irritates me when I can’t say “hey let’s take a flight to NY next month and hang out” or “let’s go to the cabins for the weekend” and everybody is crying broke in advance.  Stop working retail jobs in yall mid-late 20s.  Let the teenagers have them. I’m not saying this to come down on people but I’m sick of seeing #goals on the most basic things on social media and they’re still not achieved (ex: pics of like 10 friends showing their passports-YOU CAN GET A PASSPORT AND TAKE A TRIP!) This does not apply to those in transition.  This applies to those who are complacent.

I applied for my master’s but couldn’t start in January as planned. I need 2 additional business classes first.  I’ll save up and pay for those out of pocket.

I’m over people who’ve been in school for 17 years with no certifications or degrees.  They inadvertently become leeches. More doing. Less talking.

I will never settle again due to loneliness. Loneliness is a vacation compared to a toxic relationship.

I recognized how condescending I come off, but it comes from a good place. Working on my delivery in 2018.

In 2018, I will pressure those remaining in my life to progress.  I will challenge everyone to better themselves and their surroundings.  Things are tough-especially if you’re doing it alone (respect to all single mothers and fathers).  I’ve had it tough this whole year (really the last 3) but I didn’t break.  I didn’t decide to live off the government, friends, men, parents or grandparents.  I didn’t go into some hole and replay all decisions that led me to this point.  I encourage everyone to set goals and go after them.  Make short term goals to catapult you toward your longterm goal. Life derailed my plans but life is an obstacle course.  I went through so many life/personal changes and so many challenges in a city where I have only ONE cousin. DASSIT! No local support system whatsoever.  This is not to highlight the bad.  Difficulties develop character. 

Learning happens when pain is the teacher. Some of the greatest lessons come from empty pockets, hungry stomachs, and broken hearts. - Bishop Bronner.

Happy New Year!