#considering that i am not that devout anymore a LOT of things got changed so yea

[thewhizzyhead]

so here's a fun fact for the day: it still completely astounds me to this day that when I first sent a recording of me singing a draft of a musical I started conceptualizing when I was 13 to a really friendly mutual of mine on here back in 2019, she said it reminded her of motherfucking Chant from Hadestown. I haven't even heard of Hadestown back then so I've only realized just now how HIGH FUCKING PRAISE THAT IS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK-

[spunkpunx]

Bittersweet Bundle Of Misery - Graham Coxon

Plot: Reader is dating Alex James, and finds herself miserable, but finds comfort in a tumultuous affair with his friend, and guitarist, Graham Coxon.

I will probably do a part 2.

Word count: 5153!

Warnings: Drugs, Alcoholism, Smut, Angst, Smoking

April 1996

Alex loved France. Not only that, but the French loved him, specifically the women. I didn't need to understand his words to recognise the flirty tone in his voice when he spoke to the waitresses, the bar staff, in fact, basically any attractive woman who fluttered her eyelashes at him. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Of course, I knew Alex well, so I was never under the impression that he would be a devout, faithful partner, but I also never expected him to be so explicit in his relationships with other women. We both considered the relationship open, but Alex was the only one who seemed to take advantage of that situation.

I found solace in hanging around with Graham. The tour was stressful. We both struggled. We all drank, but for Graham it was a necessity. I spent more time with Graham than with Alex, but of course he didn’t care. The words “jealous” and “possessive” were not in his vocabulary, but then again, neither was “monogamous”.

I was tired and miserable. The venues where the band played could be stubborn about sound-checking themselves. This resulted in a lot of arguments, as I was strictly instructed that the band were only to have their own sound technician (me). Alex and Damon could be rude. Since I’d been dating Alex, nobody took my work seriously. I stopped being a technician with almost seven years experience on tour, and became “Alex’s girlfriend helping out”. The crew could be horribly sexist at times. Even Ivan dismissed me when I brought him a problem.

“Get one of the other technicians to look at it,” he said, after I told him that one of the venue’s sound guys had wired the bass into a guitar amp and not the subwoofer. He must have turned up the volume to compensate for the sound and blown the speaker.

“I know what I’m doing! I’ve worked with this band for years!” I ended up snapping. I heard one of the roadies mumble something about a period and it sent me over the edge. Sometimes I got so angry it was like I didn’t have control over my impulses anymore. I told them all to fuck off and stormed out the room, kicking the door with a tremendous thud as I left. After I’d cooled down and returned, the crew tiptoed around me like I’d overreacted. After the gig, Ivan came over to speak to me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to undermine you. You’re one of the best sound techs we’ve had,” he apologised, giving me a friendly pat on the shoulder. I appreciated the apology, it was the first one I’d had since the tour began.

Alex and I had an argument that night. We argued often, but this was explosive. He came into my room, coked up and horny, sitting next to me on the bed and pressing wet kisses to my neck.

“Are you over your little tantrum?” he asked, kneading my breast a little roughly. I pulled away.

“Little tantrum?” I repeated, surprised at his tactless words. “Everyone has been treating me like shit recently Alex.” He shrugged, running a hand up my thigh over my jeans, toying with my top button.

“Whatever it was. Ivan was trying to help and you just went mental,” he laughed, like it was all a big joke. He pressed his lips against mine and I pushed him away.

“It’s your fault I’ve been feeling like this!” I snapped. “If I didn’t start dating you then people would actually treat me like a professional! All of a sudden Damon is asking the drum tech to check the mic volume before they go on!”

“All of a sudden it’s my fault?” he asked, voice raising slightly. “Just cause you overreacted and bit Ivan’s head off?!”

“You don’t get it Alex! If you were ever actually here you’d understand how I was feeling, but you’re always off snorting lines and banging these fucking French girls!” I shouted at him.

“Well maybe I’d be here more if you actually put out instead of just going off at me!” he yelled back. I stood up, walking across the room with my hair clenched in my fists. I wanted as much distance between us as possible.

“Put out?” I looked at him incredulously. “So you’re only here if you can have sex with me? This relationship only exists so you can rely on me having sex with you whenever you fancy?!” We were both properly shouting now.

“That’s what relationships are! That’s what love is! The only difference between friends and relationships is sex!” he replied, seeing this as perfectly valid reasoning.

“So all I am is sex to you?” I asked, my voice now dangerously softer but still dripping with venom.

“No... That’s not- Stop twisting my fucking words!”

I calmly picked up my cigarette carton and lit one, letting his point ferment.

“Get out,” I spat. He glowered at me, standing up and leaving the room, slamming the hotel room door behind him.

As soon as he left the room, hot tears started spilling down my face, not tears of sadness but of rage. I felt overwhelmed. I smoked a cigarette, then another, the deep inhalation subduing my frustration. I heard a soft knock at the door.

“Piss off Alex!”

“It’s not Alex,” came Graham’s gentle reply. I stood and opened the door, wiping at my cheeks with the back of my hand.

“Gra,” I huffed in relief at his presence.

“I heard you were arguing, I wanted to see you were okay,” he said. It didn’t surprise me he’d heard it. Graham’s room was just across the hall, and we’d not been quiet. “Pub?” he offered, smiling slightly.

“Yeah alright, I’ll just grab my coat.”

We found a small bar not too far away from the hotel. Neither of us spoke particularly good French, but Graham knew enough to order some wine. The Parisians didn’t drink the same way the British did, and both of us were a little too embarrassed to try and order two pints of beer and a pack of cheese and onion crisps. Instead, we sat with a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and two glasses, hidden away in a back booth and laughing at our clumsy attempts at the French language.

“It’s so embarrassing walking round with Mr Culture speaking fluent French like it’s the most natural thing in the world, meanwhile I struggle asking the man in the shop for a packet of fags,” I complained, chuckling.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what were you arguing about before?” Graham queried.

“Oh, just...” I paused, unsure whether to tell him or whether he’d just agree with Alex. “Well you know how I lost my temper before?” Graham nodded, sucking his lips into his mouth like he always did when he was listening. “Well he made a joke about it, and it pissed me off. I dunno, I feel so tired and miserable recently, and the way everyone has been treating me like I’m totally incompetent at my job is so difficult. Alex is never there, he just swans around doing whatever he wants, meanwhile I just feel so overwhelmed,” I spilled, not even intending to share that much. Something about the build up of emotions in my life and Graham’s reassuring presence at the end of the table made me feel the sudden need to tell him everything. “I just don’t feel happy anymore.”

“I know how you feel, kind of,” Graham reassured, placing his hand over mine, while I took a large swig of wine. Looking back, I think that was the first moment I thought about kissing him. Of course I didn’t, we stayed out most of the night and then stumbled back to the hotel drunk. But I actually considered that maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad if I was dating Graham, not Alex.

October 1996

I never expected the knock at the door. It was a cold night in mid October, so when I opened the door wearing only a large t-shirt and odd socks, the biting breeze nipped at my bare legs. Graham stood there awkwardly, wrapped up in a fleece lined jacket and his eyes slightly glazed in his drunkness. I didn't ask any questions, just greeted him with a hug that lasted a few seconds longer than usual, then invited him in.

Graham wasn't a happy man, but I myself was hardly a ray of sunshine. I sat down next to him on my old settee, lighting a cigarette and refilling my wine glass. I offered him a glass but he shook his head.

"What's up Gra?" I asked him softly, reaching out to cover his hand with my own. He let out a dejected sigh.

"I can't do it anymore (y/n)," he explained. "The band. I'm starting to hate them all. The press, the tours, the people. It's way too fucking much. Damon won't change the music we do, he's being a controlling bastard, and then Alex, fuck." Graham pulled at his earlobe, something I noticed him do often when he was feeling nervous or stressed.

"What is it?"

"He's out living his playboy lifestyle, shagging around, doing lines, drinking champagne. Meanwhile, you just sit around pretending like everything is fine!"

I dropped my hand from his. I wasn't ready for this criticism, especially not from a man who was currently drunk every second of his life.

"It is fine, Gra."

"No it's not, because he barely gives you a backwards glance when he goes out and I have to watch it," he complained. He turned to me, looking over my face like he was drinking it in. "I think you're so beautiful."

"What?"

"So, so fucking beautiful," he repeated. Graham was bad at eye contact, but right now he was drunk, and looking at me with such a sinful look in his gaze. He glanced over my lips, and the small flip in my stomach as he did was my only sign. There had been moments over the past year where Graham and I had shared similar glances, but neither of us acted on impulse, until now.

I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. Immediately his hands slipped around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and as he deepened the kiss I pushed his jacket off of his shoulders. He assisted my movements, pulling it off to fall lazily on the floor.

His hand travelled down to my underwear, tucking a finger beneath the waistband of my knickers, pausing to see if I stopped him. I did, but only to pull his t-shirt over his head. I had seen Graham without a shirt before, but now I took in his lithe physique and broad shoulders. He slipped his hand to my clit, rubbing it in slow circles. I gasped at his touch and he leant down to brush his lips against my ear.

“You turn me on so much,” he whispered honestly, slipping two fingers inside me and curling them up. I moaned into his neck, pressing a kiss against it. Alex never really bothered with foreplay so this felt like heaven. After a minute he pulled his fingers out to push me down against the sofa, as I pulled him into another hungry kiss. He pushed his hips against mine and I let out another soft moan while he smiled into the kiss. Soon the desperation over took us and I fumbled with his belt, helping him remove the rest of his clothes before he pulled my t-shirt over my head, drinking in my body.

For a second he tucked his hands into my hair, holding my face behind my ears and stroking me cheeks with his thumb, before kissing me playfully on the nose. He pushed himself inside me with a slight groan, watching my face as I let out a satisfied sigh. I felt so appreciated, the way he looked at me was so tender. Unlike my day to day misery with Alex, this felt so raw, so right. He cupped one of my breasts with his hand, kneading it gently as he softly kissed and nipped at my neck. I felt sweat beading along my thighs, pressed into his body as we lay on the sofa, fully naked with the exception of our socks. He picked up the pace, and I could tell he was trying to control his urge to finish as quickly as possible. He rubbed my clit with the rough pad of his thumb, causing me to let out an unexpectedly loud moan as I clenched around him and my body shook. This brought him over the edge and he finished inside of me with a string of swears. He looked at me slightly panicked.

“Are you on birth control?” he asked, and I laughed, nodding, still out of breath and thrumming from my orgasm. He rested his forehead against my own and we lay there for a moment, panting, letting it register what had just occurred. I didn’t feel guilty at all, although I could tell Graham did. Alex had said so many things to me now that I couldn’t feel regret for sleeping with his friend, not when the moment was so sweet. Then he seemed to be pulled back into reality.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised, standing up and looking for his boxers. “I didn’t mean to do that, it wasn’t the plan.” I furrowed my eyebrows slightly.

“The plan? What was the plan?” I asked.

“I was going to tell you I love you, but you weren’t supposed to... You were going to tell me to piss off and then I could lay it to rest. I’m sorry. I’m drunk.” He pulled his boxers up and started looking for his jeans, but I reached out for his hand, pulling him round to look at me. I was still naked, knees drawn up to my chest on the sofa. I saw his eyes soften, his behaviour calm.

“Gra, I don’t want you to go,” I pleaded, my voice coming out a lot quieter than i intended. Alex and I had had another argument, and I was already feeling so lost until Graham showed up.

He paused, looking at out two hands together. I held my breath, waiting for his response. I needed him to make the irresponsible decision. Eventually, he nodded, and I nipped to the bathroom to clean myself up. When I came back in, clean and wearing a t-shirt and knickers, Graham had settled on the settee with the telly on, he’d also pulled his t-shirt on. I came to sit next to him, and he rested his head on my chest slightly while I began to run my fingers through his hair and he hummed contentedly. The show was boring, a late night crime drama. Within a few minutes Graham was snoring softly on my chest. I sipped my wine and smiled to myself.

November 1996

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Graham rolled over with a groan of pleasure, panting with sweat on his brow. I turned on my side to face him and he pulled a stupid face, still lying on his back. I let out a sigh and turned over, away from him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, concerned, moving closer and pressing a kiss onto my shoulder. One of his large hands rested on my waist and I suppressed the urge to sniffle.

“We don’t love each other though do we?” I said rhetorically.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, if we loved each other, then I’d leave Alex and you’d stop drinking so much.” I felt so bad saying it, but it was true. Even as Graham arrived in a better mood today, there was still an alcoholic taste on his tongue. We’d been seeing each other for over a month, and I knew I wasn’t breaking up with Alex any time soon.

“Maybe you’re right, but still, it feels nice to say, doesn’t it?” he pointed out, nuzzling his head into my neck as he ran his hand round to lay against my stomach, pulling my back closer to his chest.

Sometimes it felt like Alex must have known about me and Graham’s relationship, because he suddenly changed last month. Of course, we still argued. He still enjoyed champagne and cocaine and plenty of women, but god he was good at apologising. After arguments he’d always pull off the perfect apology. He’d me out to an expensive restaurant and completely overlook every gorgeous woman there. He’d make a point of telling the waitress that he must be the stupidest man on earth to have an argument with his ‘beautiful girlfriend’ and would try and show me off to every person in the room. Sometimes his apologies were less flashy, sometimes they came in the form of a home cooked croque monsieur in the morning, and kisses all over my face. Alex had the ability to make me feel both completely worthless and wonderfully special, but when he made me feel so special the guilt always tainted my mood.

In fact, it was at this moment a knock came at the door. I sat up in slight panic. Graham looked at me in confusion.

“It must be Alex,” I told him in a hushed voice.

“Shit.”

The knock came again. I pulled on a shirt from the cupboard, padding through my flat to the living room.

“Hey, (y/n). I know your home,” he said through the door.

“Can you come back later, Al?” I asked, doing up a couple of the buttons. “There’s someone here at the minute.”

“No, just open the door,” he persisted. I sighed, walking over and unlocking it. I stood there in a just the oversized shirt and some underwear I’d pulled on. My bedroom door was shut, Alex wouldn’t mind as long as he didn’t know who was in there.

“I’m in the middle of something,” I said slightly exasperated.

“Fucking hell, you look good,” he grinned, looking me up and down before pushing his way past to get into my flat.

“Hey, don’t come in!” I protested.

“It’s fine, love. I left my keys somewhere here, I just came to grab them,” Alex replied, going into the kitchen and picking them up off the side. He walked into the living, cheeky smile on his face. “Hey, can I say hello to whoever is in there?” he teased, stepping towards my bedroom door. I rushed forward, pushing him away while he teasingly stood his ground.

“No you cannot, it’s weird. If I come into yours while someone’s there you look like a philanderer, but when you come here guys think you’re my pimp or something,” I argued, managing to get him across the room toward the front door.

“Okay, fine,” Alex agreed, dropping his hands to around my waist. “Kiss goodbye?” he requested in a silly voice, tilting his head to the side. I rolled my eyes, but agreed. He pressed his lips to mine for a moment, dropping his hand to squeeze my arse jokingly, and I pulled away to give him a lighthearted smack on the arm and hurrying him out the flat.

When I walked back into my room, Graham was still nestled beneath the duvet, his head poking over the top.

January 1997

"You have to be joking, right?" came the surprised voice of Blur's bassist. Alex was stood in the doorway of a backroom at Groucho's. His pupils were like goddamn dinner plates, as per usual, but for once he was acting surprisingly sober for someone so off their tits. We'd been caught, and as Alex cast a disbelieving look between myself and his bandmate my heart dropped down into the bottom of my stomach.

I had been dating Alex James for just about two years, and had known him for four, and although our relationship wasn't defined as such, it was a rather open one. This, however, seemed to be a breach of our agreement. This wasn't a random person, or even a distant friend, this was Graham.

When Alex had walked in, he'd come across a scene that was a little bit more than over friendly. The guitarist had his hand underneath my skirt and was kissing my neck while we laughed drunkly. Of course, then came the interruption, and we had jumped apart at the arrival of my boyfriend. I sat awkwardly, chewing my lip, feeling like a naughty school kid. Nobody spoke. It was difficult to know what to say. There was no chance of convincing him it was less than he thought, I'm sure our guilty faces spoke volumes. After a pause that went on for way too long, I tried to speak up.

"Al-" I began to reason but my voice was cut of.

"No," he interjected. "I can't fucking believe it. You're my mate, Gra. You're in the band. Of course, the quiet, sweet one. Works for you doesn't it? 'Cause this whole time you've been fucking my girlfriend," Alex snapped. I saw Graham look down, his jaw clenched slightly. I wanted to reach for his hand but I knew it wasn't the time.

"Alex,” I warned but he scoffed at me.

"Piss off with that, (Y/N)," he scolded with an incredulous laugh. "Get your stuff from my place tomorrow, but don't come too early 'cause I'm bringing home that blonde girl from the bar tonight," he told me harshly, leaving the room, probably to go practice his lines in the bathroom.

I sat back down next to Graham, my frown mirroring his. I tipped my head onto his shoulder, and he pulled me into him with a comforting arm. It was difficult to pin down my feelings, although guilt was the presiding one. I felt especially guilty for not finding the ability to care that Alex had just split up with me. I felt tears prick my eyes, unable to stop myself from crying. Graham tilted his head to me, brushing the tears from underneath my eyes with his thumb, and pressing a kiss onto my forehead. I tried to pull him in for a kiss, to distract myself from my current feelings, but he turned his head away.

“Now’s not the time,” he told me gently.

February 1997

I didn’t expect to still accompany the boys on the American tour, in fact, I was aware Alex had greatly argued against it, but Ivan had insisted. I was under contract to the record label and familiar with the set up and how the band liked things. I rather have stayed in London to be honest.

Before we left, Blur released their self titled album, kicking it off with a 'secret' gig at the Astoria to a sold out crowd of two thousand people. The mood was so elevated, all tensions seemed to be erased. A huge after party went down. It was packed with Britpop royalty and went completely out of hand. That night I even stupidly assumed that things would go back to normal, water under the bridge.

I only listened to the album two days later. It was totally different to anything they'd done before. I recognised the influence of the underground bands Graham listened to, although the tone seemed slightly ironic. The album seemed fast paced, but then, halfway through the album came an unexpected softer number, Graham's soft voice coming into my living room through a layer of crackly voice effects. The first verse was despairing. I knew Graham was struggling with his alcohol, but I'd been doing so awfully myself that I didn't even realise how bad it had gotten. It was the chorus that really ruined me though; heartwrenchingly honest and bitterly optimistic. I didn't care if he'd written it about me or not, but that last line hit me somewhere deep in my heart and put tears in my eyes. By the time the song had ended I was a sniffling mess on my living room floor and brimming with such a strong sense of love.

We left to France two days later. The crew were acting strange with me. Everyone knew that I’d now slept with two members of the band, and there was lots of implication I was going to try a third. Damon was acting well off with me and usually I found myself sat with Graham receiving glares from both Damon and Alex. We had to go through Paris and then Tokyo before we arrived in the US at the beginning of March. Things were okay when we all got drunk enough, the boys tended to forget about my crimes against the band. We did sing alongs at our hotels. Alex got a bit arsey when Graham fell asleep with his head in my lap in Tokyo, but he’d happily bring girls to drink with us and happily snog them while I was sat there. I didn’t mind, the part of me that cared was so easy to shut off now.

I loved Japan, and the Japanese loved Blur. Damon was particularly popular with his blond hair, blue eyes and pretty face. The reception at the airport was always brilliant. There would always be a crowd of teenage girls desperate for a signature off their favourite band member, I think one of the Gallaghers already said it, but it was like a second wave Beatlemania. I usually sat back with Ivan, watching the boys deal with their fans, especially Graham. While Alex and Damon used a charming smile, Gra always seemed so unsure what he was doing was right. It was very endearing. I wanted to stay as far away from fame as possible.

Me and Alex’s breakup was extremely high profile. Of course, why we split up was a public mystery, only adding to interest levels. We kept our relationship fairly private, although I had experienced the odd incident with paparazzi, but the Blur management team saw great opportunity for promotion with our split. I was hounded by music journalists for weeks, and photos of me suddenly started appearing all over the gossip magazines. As much as I didn’t want to be stuck on tour with Alex, I had to say it was a relief to leave it behind.

Graham still came to my hotel room late at night, but for both of our sakes he left way before the sun rose. That part was the hardest, when he climbed out of bed to get dressed and leave. I’d watch him put on his clothes, peeking my head over the bedsheets and not speaking. He’d press a kiss to my forehead and tiptoe out the room, back to his own. Then I was alone. I think that fear of being alone was what kept me from ending things with Alex, because staring up at the ceiling after Graham left was the most saddening feeling in the world. I couldn’t say I love you to him anymore, even if I did. When I was still with Alex, it was just a phrase, but then it had become an empty promise. I was far too scared to bear my soul to him like that. I think it upset him slightly, when I wouldn’t say it back, but he never mentioned it.

It was moments like that, lying alone in bed and feeling totally isolated, with nothing but the rushing thoughts in my head, that I would have given anything for Alex to burst into my room and pick a fight with me again. Sometimes I wanted him to loose his temper, to see me across the room and to shout at me, to call me names. His willing acceptance of the situation hurt me most. His ability to move on like it was nothing.

March 1997

Things went downhill once we arrived in America. Everyone was jet lagged from the flight and we were mainly travelling around on a tour bus. Being in such close confines did have a habit of getting on everyone’s nerves. I was sharing a tour bus with some other sound technicians, which was a nightmare. I was the only woman on tour, and every morning I got up an hour before everyone else so I could get dressed without being stared at by a group of blokes. Unfortunately, I was also going to bed in the early hours of the morning anyway, so I was feeling twice as exhausted as usual.

Suddenly, Alex seemed a whole lot more pissed at me than before. Any time Graham and I were even in the same room, he would glare until one of us left. He couldn't help but leave snide comments.

The other issue with being on tour was privacy. I barely got a second alone with Graham. Damon had walked in on one of our few opportunities, while Graham had his head between my legs, and aside from it being very embarrassing, since the incident Damon had been twice as off with me as ever before. Eventually, Graham and I settled for cuddles and conversation, this seemed to cause the least tension.

One night in Detroit, we all went out to a bar. I found in America all anyone ever wanted to know was 'what you did'. Of course, this was in reference to career, but I'd recently found entertainment in replying "nothing much". I spoke to lots of American's, receiving regular compliments on my accent. We drank lots, Alex ended up taking a very attractive blonde girl to the tour bus, leaving the rest of us to continue our evening by drinking enough to knock out an elephant. At one point I wobbled outside for a cigarette and some fresh air.

I stood by the back door and the bins, inhaling the smoke and letting the cold sober me slightly. Then, a very drunk Damon stumbled out the pub, proceeding to bend over by the wall and vomit onto the floor and his trainers. I rushed over, putting a hand on his back and trying to shuffle his feet away to avoid where he was being sick. He finished throwing up and swatted me away.

"Piss off (y/n)," he slurred. "It's your fault it's like this." I stepped back, surprised at his words.

"What?"

"You cocked everything up!" he whined, leaning against the wall for support. "You broke Alex's heart, and now he's mad at Gra, and now Gra's in love with you and you're going to hurt him. Fucking hell, (y/n), look at him! Can't you see what it'd do to him!"

I couldn't help it. For what seemed like the millionth time in the past month, tears prickled my eyes. I never usually cried, but now all my emotions lay very close to the surface.

"I don't want to hurt Graham, Dames. I never wanted to ruin anything," I sniffled, taking a drag from my cigarette to try to calm my wavering voice. "I love Gra, I really do, it's just... complicated."

Damon's eyes softened slightly, and then he fell over into his own sick.

[threadofdestiny]

The opportunities we may take

SinbadxOC

SoulmateAU

Part 13

The dance of Salome - The golden butterflies

---Palance of Sindria, Maharajan---

Armed with a beaming smile, Salome grabbed her brother's wrist and pulled him with light blue, fluttering skirts through the empty corridors of the purple leo tower, following the trail of the rukh, that were guiding her to the festival. Her golden pendant, which was secured with a long chain around her neck, jingled softly with every movement against her equally golden belt, which was attached to her waist. The dress she was wearing was one of her favorite's. Like all of her robes, it was a more plain piece, but unlike the rest of her clothing, it had long on her shoulders opening sleeves and  gold stitching on the hems, which made the garment look a bit more elegant. Like the wide skirts, they fluttered behind her with a haze of lightness as she moved quickly. But the nicest thing about her clothing was the matching veil, which was attached to her hair, as well as to her middle fingers with a loop. In contrast to her more simple dress, the veil had delicately stitched embroideries of stylized golden birds at the bottom third of the fabric. They distributed in a swarm at the end of the accessory just for them to slowly fan out further upwards. She didn't know why Malik picked this dress out of her chest, probably because he had been in the mood for a hint of sarcasm, considering that half of Sindria now knew that she was the Lady of the rukh. So it doesn't matter anymore. So why not present herself accordingly? Anyway she loved it, so she had easily complied to his chosen garment.

"Come on, Malik. We have already wasted too much time.", urged the young girl her now older brother, each time skipping a step as she descended the stairs of the tower. When they were just outside the ballroom, Salome's slowed her steps to a simple walk, hoping that her breathing would calm down, before they reached the large ornate gullwing doors. Smiling, Salome pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear as she passed the guards, who were posted next to the entrance of the great hall. Immediately she was greeted by cheerful music and radiant looking citizens of Sindria, who all seemed to be celebrating to their heart's content. The staff meandered through the crowd with trays full of dishes and wine carafes, while lightly dressed dancers romped on the dance floors, eager to entertain the guests with their enchanting movements. Tables and seating were provided on the sides of the hall as well as outside on the great balconies, on which a number of hookahs and dishes had been served.

Some people turned in Salome's direction, when they discovered the legendary prophetess that had entered the hall. Even if she was uncomfortable with the attention, she tried to remain her content attitude, standing beside her trusted guardian. The young girl, was already used to such looks, so she just smiled briefly in their direction and bowed her head slightly whenever her gaze collided with someone else. Accompanied by her brother, she went deeper into the room, looking for familiar faces, when one of the servants stopped right next to them to offer goblet's filled with rich wine to the siblings.

"Thank you very much!" Salome replied while she took two goblet's from the presented tray, before passing one of the them directly to Malik. When Salome turned to the older man, she couldn't help but to look at him with a gentle, adoring smile. Even though a lot had changed about him, he was still her conscientious, prideful and sarcastic brother, which, however, would never say no to a relaxing evening if time allows. With a smile, she watched his head subconsciously move slightly to the beat of the music, while the corners of his mouth also rose just a bit for the moment. How long has it been since he had been at a festival? It wasn't long before he noticed his sister's gaze, bowing his face down in her direction in a confused manner.

"What is it?" He asked softly before sipping from his cup. Salome, however, just shook her head, smiling, as she gently ran her hand over his upper arm, before pulling it back to put it over the fingers that enclosed her goblet.

"I am glad that we are reunited!", She said satisfied. Malik lips formed to an equally happy expression on his face, as he lay his hand on the back of her head, before he pulled her forehead against his mouth to kiss her gently over her left eyebrow.

"Me too!"

"Ah, Malik, Salome, there you are at least!" Sounded Sharrkan's voice behind them, who was trotting towards them with a well-filled wine jug and a goblet in his hands.

"Good evening, Sharrkan!" Salome greeted the younger general, while her brother just nodded as usual. Before they knew it, the white-haired teenager tucked the big jug under his arm to put his newly gained free hand on Malik's shoulder. Said man briefly twisted the corners of his mouth down, but otherwise just let it happen. "Jo, what has taking you guys so long, We have been waiting for you!", the cheeky boy asked, while he balanced his goods like a professional.

"Actually, nothing in particular. We just dawdled a bit too much!", explained Salome happily, before she received a humorous smile from the heliohaptian. "Well, now you are finally here. Come on! Sit down with us! We're sitting over there.", said Sharrkan enthusiastically, while he was already pushing Malik in the direction of the lounge, in which some of the generals had apparently spread out. The young woman giggled and followed the two men, listening as the young swordmaster immediately seized the opportunity to persuade Malik to an upcoming training session. It was amusing how stubborn the teenager was when it came to his passion for sword art, but at the same time she was also happy for her brother. Even if he didn't show it openly, she knew that Malik enjoyed training with the enthusiastic general. It wasn't for nothing that her brother had honed his skills with the sword for several years.

Just before she got to the other generals, however, Salome paused for a moment when she noticed the countless rukh that frolicked around a bunch of young women. When she realized that they had gathered around the King of Sindria, she opened her lips in surprise, only to frown afterwards, in a disappointed manner. Sinbad was sitting not far from the majority of his generals on a comfortable-looking armchair, surrounded by the women in question. He had wrapped one of his arms around one of the girls while another was stretching out on his lap, holding a goblet to his lips. Salome immediately thought of Yamraiha's warnings. As much as he seemed to enjoy the attention of the frivolous women, the shameful titles he had gained seemed not just empty sayings, even though he had tried repeatedly to downplay them in her presence. For some reason, it gave her a small sting, but she tried to remind herself that Sinbad wasn't one to give in to the wishes of the Rukh, even though he himself said that he was glad that King Solomon had wished for her to be by his side. From what she had gotten to know about him in such a short period of time, however, his behavior seemed not very surprising to her. Shocked by herself, she tried to suppress the emerging cynicism and turned immediately to other things to occupy her jealous mind.

Biting sadly on her lower lip, Salome looked away, as she reached the lounge the heliohaptian had taken her to. She tried not to show her true feelings, while she bowed her head straight as she came to stand next to her brother. Yamraiha, Masrur and Pisti greeted them with friendly expression's from their seats, while Spartos, who was also among the present generals, rose immediately from his cushions when he recognized Salome. With a deep, respectful bow, he bend his torso as he put his hand over his heart in a knightly manner.

"L-Lady Salome. W-What a joy that you are joining us!", He stuttered embarrassed, when he straightened up, just to shyly look away afterwards. Salome returned his gesture with a mild smile before suddenly large, heavy hands grabbed her shoulders, surprising her.

"Well, well, Spartos. You don't have to be so stiff. Miss Salome is here to have a good time with us, is it not?", Hinahoho's loud voice boomed behind her, before he pressed the young woman without a second thought into one of the cushions of the unoccupied sofa and then sat down in one of the wider armchairs next to her.

"As a devout knight of Sasan, it is my duty to pay respect to the holy prophetess!" He said firmly before recalling the end of his last conversation with Salome, before pausing in embarrassment. "I-I didn't embarrass you, did I, my lady?" He asked cautiously, the panic of having brought her into an uncomfortable situation again was clearly written on his face. In order not to offend the humble knight, Salome immediately shook her head quickly, before answering as prudently as possible: "Not at all! I appreciate your gesture, Ser Spartos! It is also a great honor for me to be in your presence! "The red-haired young man immediately relaxed, a small smile played around his lips before he realized her last sentence and began to blush even more. Embarrassed, he tried to cover his face with his chin-length hair while he bowed again out of gratitude.

"However, I would be very happy to be able to build a friendly bond with you in the future! To be honest, I wish that with all of you!", added Salome mildly, while looking sweetly over to each general. Approving smiles spread on the faces of those present, which caused a gentle warmth to gather in Salome's stomach area.

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.

Once again Salome had to find out how much she actually enjoyed spending her time with the generals of sindria. The way they dealt with her reminded her strongly of Kunar's and Isaak's behavior towards her. Almost all of them spoke to her at eye level without placing her on a pedestal, something she really appreciated. Even the red-haired knight from Sasan relaxed a little more in her presence over the evening.

Nevertheless, after her third chalice filled with wine, Salome became incredibly restless, which is why she had decided to stretch her legs a little. Yawning, she stopped at the ornate railing of the balcony, to watch the celebrating city behind the castle walls.

A smirk reached her lips, when she heard how Pisti tried to sneak up behind her brother again, hoping to catch his wings. To the dismay of the youngest general, however, Malik was one of the most attentive people Salome knew and so it wasn't quite astonishing that she was able to hear a disappointed howl from the young girl a few moments later.

Shaking her head, Salome giggled at Pisti's antics, but still didn't take her gaze of the well visited streets of sindria. It was nice to see all these people dancing around the campfires while sharing their food and drinks with each other. Everything seemed so... peaceful!

"Would you like to go downstairs to join them?" spoke Sinbad, after he strolled out of nowhere to her side. Since the rukh had already announced his approaching figure, Salome turned to the king with an unsurprised expression and gifted him with a gentle smile. His gaze showed once again a calculating glint around his eyes, as if he was testing how dangerous the waters were around her. He hadn't spoke to her since the incident in his throne room, so maybe he wanted to find out if she was angry about today's revelation. Thoughtfully, the dark-haired woman turned her gaze back to the scene beneath them, before hesitatingly shaking her head.

"Not today. I just wanted to enjoy the sight for a while.", she replied, before taking the last sip of her drink. "But I also would like to enjoy your company if you don't mind." she added, turning her head back to Sinbad, with twinkling eyes. The expression on his face instantly gained a more relaxed look. A satisfied grin spread across his lips before he casually offered his hand towards her.

"How about going for a walk inside the castle-grounds, then?"

Nodding, Salome willingly raised her hand to let it slowly slide over his outstretched fingertips. Zepars vessel shone in the candlelight, while Sinbad gently began to lead the young woman across the balcony and through the great hall. Many curious looks followed the couple, but the king of sindria did not seem to be bothered by it, which is why Salome simply tried to ignore them as well.

"Did you have a nice evening so far?", started Sinbad a casual conversation between the two of them as he escorted her safely through the crowd. "Yes. Your generals are very welcoming!" Answered the prophetess truthfully, while Sinbad glanced down at her to read her facial expressions. "That pleases me very much!"

"A-And you?", asked the girl, while she tried to ignore the jealous sting in her chest, when she once again thought of how he had been circled by a bunch of beautiful woman. "Hmm, it was a fine evening so far, but now that I have the time to be with my new, beautiful friend, I am feeling much better.", he replied smoothly, while he guided her knuckles to his lips, to give it a chaste kiss.

Unable to really buy the smooth words of the king, Salome turned her face away from him to hide her frown. Not feeling up to say something suitable, she decided to hum softly as her respond. She didn't like the feeling of jealousy, but for some reason she couldn't turn it off either. But did she have the right to be jealous at all? For one thing, she had only known him for barely two weeks, most of which they had spent on a ship. Also, it wasn't unusual for kings to have multiple concubines, wasn't it? So why was she fooling herself like that? Stupid feelings...

Silence was building up between the two of them, after Salome turned away from him to hide her face, while Sinbad watched the young woman thoughtfully, as he wondered what had been wrong with his statement. As they passed the dance floor, his eyes began to gleam mischievously, when a spontaneous idea formed in his head. Salome didn't notice the change in his behavior, because she was smiling at some priests who had introduced themselves to her in the afternoon, in hope to distract herself. She had known three of the five priests from her time in the temple. They were rather fleeting acquaintances, but she was really happy to know that they were doing well. The other two had only joined the clergy after the volcanic eruption and were therefore unknown to her.

It was then, that Salome felt how Sinbad's grip tightened around her fingers, before he suddenly began to spin her around without any warning, just to caught her safely with his free arm afterwards. Torn from her previous thoughts, Salome gripped his shoulder in shock, catching her breath before she gazed up at him and starting to laugh after the puzzlement had worn of. "What was that about?" She giggled as Sinbad's hand slid under her veil to place it gently under her shoulder blades. When she felt his long fingers on her spine, she took a shuddering breath as she arched her back towards him. The king shrugged, grinning, while he cockily raised his chin. "Did I mention that I am an excellent dancer?", he asked mischievously, as he seamlessly imitated the rhythmic steps of the other dancing couples, while he skilfully guided her around them. Surprised, Salome let herself be drawn onto the dance floor, while she tried to keep up with the king. "I-I thought we were going for a walk?" The young woman stammered uncertainly, as she stumbled after him. "Let us linger a little. Only until the song ends, then we go on, I promise!" Sinbad replied while leading Salome into the next spin. A roguish glint gleamed in his eyes, when he caught her again, before he directed them back into the basic steps.

It took a moment, but at some point the young woman managed to internalize the simple steps of the dance. She followed him spellbound across the dance floor, letting herself be led by him without any resistance, fully trusting that she was safe in his arms, even if he broke out of the basic steps again to spin her skillfully. Surprisingly, she found it incredibly easy to get in line with him. So much, that for a brief moment she wondered whether it was because of her connection to him, or simply because this man would never doing something half done and thus perfected every kind of seducing tricks he had learned in his young life. No matter what it was, it worked so well that she felt incredibly close to him at that moment.

As if on command, more and more rukh began to gather around them with the intention of accompanying the couple during their dance. Goosebumps spread over the arms of the young woman when she heard, how they sang Sinbads and her name as if they were composing a hymn about them. Salome kept her gaze locked with her partner's golden ones, without realizing that the other dancers had stopped their performance, giving them more space in awe. Infected by the cheerful music and the exultation of the rukh, she let go of Sinbad for a few moments to spin around her own axis with the golden birds following her. More and more rukh gathered around her as she slowly stretched her arms in the air, before letting them slide downward close to her body, always accompanied by her loyal companions. Her wide blue skirts spread out as she spun around again and again, while her embroidered veil followed her movements es well, as if it wanted to defy gravity in order to dance with her and the Rukh.

At that moment, the King of Sindria paused to look at Salome with a surprisingly heavy beating heart. His rational, manipulative side had actually intended to use the spontaneous dance to keep wrapping her around his fingers, but he hadn't counted on how easily she managed to take him in, too, and all without it to attempt. Holding his breath, he watched her dance with the Rukh for a few moments, while she enchanted not only him, suprinsingly, but also the rest of the guests. At that moment, none of those present could have denied that the title of 'Lady of the Rukh' could not have been more appropriate. She looked like a work of art, created to fulfill his most secret dreams, born only to be in his clutches. If he had been asked in that very second, the incarnated king of the seven seas would have tried to make her every wish come true, if it meant that she was never going to stop dancing for him. Blinking, Sinbad tore himself out of his fascination by remembering why he'd drawn her onto the dance floor in the first place. What an interesting twist, thought the king, as he regarded her with an appreciative look, enjoying the rush of the event.

When she noticed Sinbad's beaming look, she paused slowly, only to walk straight back to him, to drop herself into his outstretched arms. Laughing, she pressed her head briefly against his shoulder, before lifting it up again to dance the final steps with him, before the song came to it's end.

There was silence in the room, causing both of them to look around in confusion, only to notice that most of those present were staring at them with fascination. Blushing, Salome glanced at the astonished faces before noticing that the amount of Rukh, that had gathered around her and Sinbad, was disbelievingly large. There were so many that even magic-less people could probably see them. Before she knew it, the king's guests cheered in awe as Sinbad laughed beside her coquettishly, while he raised his free hand to wink at them in a casual manner, before turning to Salome, who looked down shyly with fluttering eyelids.

"Come!" The King whispered in her ear after he leaned down to her. He purposefully led his female companion from the dance floor and out of the hall, away from the curious eyes of his subordinates, with the aim of visiting one of his numerous gardens, where they could be undisturbed.

Still blushing, Salome accompanied Sinbad out into the torch-lit outdoor area. Taking a deep breath, Salome let go of the king, strolling a few feet away from him. A warm breeze blew around her as she ran her fingers over one of the exotic plants that had only been a few steps away from her. In the wind the embroidered golden birds on the young woman's blue veil looked as if they were moving in harmony with the real rukh, which always seemed to surround her. The golden threads shone brightly in the glow of the torches, which made them only look more like their original. Casually, Sinbad slowly followed the young woman as he watched her closely. Sighing, Salome raised her head towards the sky, where the twinkling stars decorated the black atmosphere. The moon, which was surrounded by said stars, shone gently, casting it's pale glow over the young kingdom. "Sindria's night sky is very beautiful!" Salome muttered silently, while she turned around to look at her companion with a soft expression on her face. When she did, her breath caught instantly in her chest. The fiery look Sinbad send her way, made her weak in her legs. It was like he was looking at her like she was the last woman on earth. As if his eyes were trying to record every detail of her for fear he might see her standing in front of him for the last time. A single glance was enough to make her feel dizzy. How can a man manage to convey all of this with just one glance?

Suddenly determination began to shine in his golden eyes. Before Salome could react, however, he began to bridge the distance between them with purposeful steps, reaching for her shoulders. As if rooted to the spot, she stood frozen in front of the purple-haired man, while his fingers brushed over her upper arms, before solidifying there for a moment. Salome's heart was beating so loudly that she was afraid that Sinbad could have actually heard it, but he seems to be only concentrating on her turquoise eyes.

"You are unbelievably beautiful!", breathed Sinbad in a velvety voice, while his eyes began to darken passionatly. Unbearably slowly he began to lean down to her. One of his hands started moving up to her collarbone, over her neck until his fingers finally dug past her ear into her hair. With a slight jerk on his part, her upper body collided against his, so that she could feel his heart beating strongly against their touching chests. Eyes wide in shock, Salome's heart dropped when she realized what Sinbad was most likely going to do next. With eyes half closed, he slowly leaned down to her face, until it was stopped abruptly just a few inches before hers. With clenched jaws, Salome had put her fingertips against his lips to keep him from bridging the last inchis, before there was no turning back. Now it was Sinbad who looked at her in shock, while she slowly shook her head. "I'm sorry ... But I don't think that this would be a good idea!" Whispered the young prophetess nervously. Despite her words of rejection, she made no move to detach herself from the man, not willing to pull away. Her fingers clawed into the fabric of his fine vest as she looked up at him with sadness shining in her eyes.

"I just hardly know you. And I don't feel like you're being completely honest with me, so...", She began to explain carefully, while watching Sinbad's pupils dilate with astonishment. The Rukh kept their distance from the couple, unusually still, as if they wanted to give Salome some space so that she could sort her feelings out with their beloved singularity.

"I don't understand your motives. You announce my presence to your people without talking to me about it beforehand. You try to wrap me around your finger by letting your charms play and you try to show off at the same time. You send me so many different signals, that I find it difficult to classify you.", the prophetess enumerated in frustration, without letting Sinbad time to explain himself. "However the rukh are telling me, that you just want to bind me to you... I have eyes in my head, as well! I see what you are doing.", She continued softly before taking a deep breath to collect herself. Sinbad looked down at her in silence, his gaze illegible. But his shoulders had stiffened under her grip with every further word that tumbled from her lips, but Salome was not yet finished and therefore started again: "I-I don't understand why you see the need to do such things, because you don't have to resort to such means! I'm here and I'm not planing to go if you don't want me to, Sinbad!" A gust of wind blew around them, while they looked at each other in silence, before a gentle smile formed on Salomes lips, as she stood on her tiptoes to lean up to him, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. She lingered there for a few seconds, feeling how Sinbad's hands gripped her frame a little tighter. When she leaned back, his facial expression was blank. He just kept his silence, while he still looked down at her. His gaze wandering over her features, memorizing her lovely face, while he thought about how to react to her outburst. Taking a deep breath, he then circled his arms around the young woman in order to hold her closer to his strong body.

"Forgive me, if I gave you this impression. I'm trying to turn it off!", He whispered relentingly into her ear before his nose dug into her hair. His breath tickled the thin skin of her neck, which is why she couldn't suppress the goosebumps that formed on her trembling body. "You don't have to stop your habits. If you are a flirt, then be a flirt. But please don't act like that just because you want another ally. I already am your ally. Besides I really hope that you would involve me in decisions that affect me!", She replied, while she gently slid her hands over his shoulders down to his chest, leaning her head against his collarbone. Sinbad sighed heavily, as he ran his hand over her hair. "This... bond.... It's stronger than I expected.", he whispered in a surprised manner, feeling tingling sparks inside his body. While his face was buried in her soft hair, Salome couldn't see how his gaze darkened a little while his jaw tensed for a moment. The feeling confused him, but he wouldn't want to let it take control of him.  Salome, however, nodded against his chest, as she inhaled deeply his scent, closing her eyes in bliss, not knowing what battles raged inside her king. "Yes, I know what you mean.", she whispered truthfully. In response, Salome received an approving hum from the king, before he slowly let go of her, to be able to look at her in his typically mischievous manner. Gone were the confused emotions, which had been written all over his face. He buried them deep within himself in hope of still being able to enjoy the evening with her. Grinning cheekily, he tried to turn the mood around, with a flirterous comment: "So, after we made up, may I still come to your room tonight?"

Giggling, Salome let her head fall back before leaning it to the side, while she appraised him with raised eyebrows: "I promised, so yes!", she answered amused. Nodding quite satisfied, Sinbad broke away from Salome to grab one of her hands, in order to lead her back into the corridors of his castle. Instead of going back to the festival hall, Sinbad accompanied Salome to her chambers, while both were pursued in their own thoughts. The atmosphere around them was a little lighter than before. It felt like both of them got a little closer to each other after their conversation. At least she hoped so. Sinbad definitely had learned something importend from talking to her tonight. It was endearing how attentive she actually was, but he had to be more honest with her, if he wanted to keep her by his side. That much was certain.

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Dressed only in her thin, long nightgown and a scarf that hung around her shoulders, Salome was sitting at her washstand while she was untying her curly hair. Lost in thoughts, she hummed the tune to which Sinbad and she had recently danced, while she stroked her loose hair over her shoulder. Satisfied with her work, the young prophetess started to rise from her chair when she heard someone land on her balcony. When she heard soft footsteps behind her, the young woman turned to her guest with a soft smile on her full lips to greet him.

"Hey," she whispered gently, getting the same reply from the man, who stopped a few feet away from her. "I hope I did not disturb you while you prepare for bed!", Sinbad commented softly while Salome turned back to her vanity to blow out the candles, humming slightly in denial. With her back to the young man, she didn't notice how he looked at her carefully with apprecating eyes. He was surprised how this girl managed to win him over with her humble attitude. At the age of 17, Salome was seven years younger than him. She had not yet completely lost all of her youthful features and yet he couldn't deny that she was one of the most beautiful woman, he had seen in his entire life. She enchanted him almost more than any mature woman with whom he was normally spending his time. He had already admired her for her beauty at the festival earlier, but here in the intimacy of her room, dressed with loose hair and a thin nightgown, she resembled a far more dangerous temptation. It was extremely difficult for him not to let his mind wander to more indecent subjects including him and her in compromising situations, which is why he tried to distract himself with something. Searching, he looked around her room until, surprisingly, it hung on Baal's vessel that rested on her nightstand. "Oh ... So I left it here." Sinbad commented jokingly as he approached his sword for a quick inspection.

With a soft smile on her lips, Salome turned to the king, looking how he occupied himself. For a moment she let her eyes slide over his appearance like he did a few moments ago. He was only wearing the simple tunic that he normally wore under his fine garments and loose pants that were tied at his waist. His long purple hair was still tied with a fine ribbon on the back of his neck, resembling a dark waterfall, which flowed down along his spine in silken strands. Reluctantly, Salome stepped closer to the man, in order to sank down on the mattress of her bed next to him. With flushed cheeks, she looked up at Sinbad, who was examing his scimitar. When he turned to her, she gave him a shy smile, offering him the other half of her bed with a slightly trembling hand. Sinbad immediately set out to walk around the bed before starting to take off his necklaces like the night before, while Salome cautiously slipped under her covers, heart pounding heavily, while she lay down hesitantly. "I was thinking about the things you have said to me, Salome!" Sinbad began, while he turned his gaze to said person. The latter looked up attentively at him. Her turquoise eyes caught the light of the candle that shined lonely on her bedside table, flickering slightly from the draft of the wind that blew through her open balcony doors. Soft shadows danced across the skin of her features, as she was enveloped in dim light. Sinbad paused for a moment, completely fascinated by the picture that was presented in front of him. Suddenly, his throat felt uncomfortably dry, but he tried not to show it, while he slowly climbed into her bed, to settle himself next to her. "Yes?" She asked breathlessly, looking at him with big innocent eyes.

The closeness didn't exactly make it easier to concentrate on what he wanted to convey to her, but he tried to keep his casual facade. "Well, as the cornerstone of a good... friendship, it's important to be honest and to get to know each other, don't you think?" He asked, unusually nervous. A small shy smile crept onto Salome's lips as she nodded in agreement. Clearing his throat again, Sinbad turned on his side, supporting his head with his arm, that rests on his pillow, facing the girl next to him. She also began to shift a little, to place her back on the mattress, folding her hands over her chest. Her loose hair flowed in waves over her pillow as she continued to look up at him. "Let's try to build our relationship on that." He asked, whispering softly, while he raised his free hand to stroke away a single hair from her face. Waiting for her reaction, he watched quite satisfied how she shyly bit into her lower lip. Happy that he tried to approach their building relationship, with more honesty, Salome slid closer to him and reached for his free hand to connect them to each other like the night before. "How about you tell me more about yourself, then?" She murmured sheepishly, after she had found a comfortable position again. "What do you want to know?" He then asked her quietly, stroking her knuckles with his thumb, while she hummed, thinking about his question.

"Hmm, you told me how you collected Baal in your first dungeon, but nothing of your life before you became a dungeon-capturer. If it's alright I would like to hear story's from your childhood.", She replied carefully, watching him taking a deep breath, before nodding to her. The young king hesitantly began to talk about his past. How he, the son of a fisherman, grew up in a small coastal village. He spoke of his beautiful but sick mother, how he cared for her after his father died in the never-ending war between his home country, Parthevia against the great empire Reim. In the middle of his tales, a slightly stronger breath of wind had blown out the single lit candle on Salome's bedside table, enveloping them both darkness. The soft music of the ongoing festival could still be heard outside her open balcony doors, but neither Salome nor Sinbad mourned the fact that they had withdrawn early. She listened attentively to the older man as they shifted closer and closer to each other over the hours until Salome finally fell asleep against Sinbad's chest, laying comfortably in his arms. At some point he had started to run his fingers gently over the soft skin of her arm to lull her with his caressing movements. Until late at night, Sinbad lay awake next to the young woman, while he thought about the eventful day, thinking about her promise, that she was going to stay as long as he wants. He was feeling quite content, with how things were going right now, congratulating himself that he had been able to lead the events like he wanted them to go.

[punkenglishnerd]

Was it hard for you to accept the fact that you weren’t straight? I’m 90% sure i’m bi too but I’ve considered myself straight all my life so now I feel a little lost and afraid of others finding out (particularly my family). Sorry if this is not the time with everything going on

Okay anon, prepare for a long answer! I’ll try to keep it as concise as possible, but sexuality is a complicated topic as you know, so my response will probably be pretty lengthy.

Realizing I was bi was a bit of a process. I always liked boys and constantly had crushes on them since I was four years old. But it wasn’t until high school that I started “noticing” girls. I didn’t know bisexuality was a thing back then because I had never met or heard of anyone who was bisexual. I remember sometimes thinking, “I wish I was a lesbian” because I was somewhat aware that I liked girls but I didn’t realize that I could like both. Then I started going on the internet more, got a tumblr (not this account but my old cringy fandom account) and I realized what bisexuality was. I still wasn’t really certain about it because the only girls I ever liked were celebrities, but then my senior year of high school I developed a crush on a girl in my class and that’s when I really came out to myself as bisexual. I was 17, so compared to many other people I was a “late bloomer” in terms of discovering my sexuality. But there are plenty of people like me who don’t realize they’re not straight until their late teens, or even later.

My best advice is this: Take your time with your sexuality. Coming out to yourself is a process, so don’t feel pressured or rushed to have things figured out right away. It is fine to question, to be unsure, and it’s even okay to think you’re a certain sexuality and then maybe realize that it’s something different later on. I’ve gone through my fair share of questioning, of thinking maybe one label fits and then realizing that a different label fits better. And sometimes no labels feel right, and that’s okay too. My second piece of advice is also super important!! Do NOT feel pressured to come out before you’re ready, and do NOT feel pressured to come out if it feels unsafe of uncomfortable to do so. It doesn’t matter if it’s physically or emotionally unsafe/uncomfortable; both are extremely valid, and please do not come out if you feel that way.

If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable to come out to certain people, you can always just come out to a few people you trust. The way I did it, I came out to my sister first because she’s the person I trust the most. Then I came out to my parents, and then my best friend. It was a slow process of coming out to each individual when I felt ready to do so with that person, and I didn’t come out “in general” to everybody until a year later. Keep reading below the cut if you’re interesting in hearing the specifics of my coming out:

The first person I came out to was my sister. I knew she would be accepting, but it was scary simply because I had never come out to anyone before and I wasn’t really sure how to do it. But I did it in a really roundabout way, and once I told her she said that she had a feeling but didn’t want to say in case she was wrong. So I guess it wasn’t that much of a surprise to her :) I decided to come out to my parents next, and that was a lot scarier. They’re both devout Catholics so I was really nervous about how they would feel. They’re such kind and loving people so I knew that they would most likely accept me, but I still felt scared. I remember casually asking them one time, “Don’t you think Jesus would’ve been okay with gay people because he loved everyone?” and they didn’t really think so. But I decided to come out to them anyway, and me being bi actually changed their whole perspective. They accepted me instantly, and they immediately started putting an effort into learning and informing themselves on lgbtq+ rights and how to be good allies. They’re both still devout Catholics, but they are super accepting and loving of everyone of all sexualities and they’re both huge allies to the lgbtq+ community.

After that, my next order of business was to come out to my best friend. I was so nervous!! I knew that she would accept me, but I was afraid that she would treat me differently. I’m the type of person who loves giving hugs or holding hands with my friends, and I was so afraid that she would be uncomfortable with that after I came out to her. When I finally came out to her, I told her that I hope she won’t be uncomfortable with hugs or anything like that, but that I understood if she was and I would respect her boundaries. But she didn’t care at all! She gave me a huge hug and I cried with relief. Our friendship didn’t change one bit after I came out to her, and I am forever grateful to her for that. We went our separate ways after high school so I don’t see her or hear from her much anymore, but whenever we do occasionally see each other it’s like we’ve never been apart. She was the best friend and biggest support I could ever ask for (aside from my sister lol).

As for coming out in general/to everybody, I didn’t do that until a year later when I was in college. I was too afraid to come out in high school because I went to a small Catholic school and it was scary af to come out in that environment. I went to a Catholic college (by that point I wasn’t Catholic anymore but I had only applied to Catholic colleges so I didn’t really have a choice but to go to one), but it was easier to come out there because college kids tend to be a lot more liberal-minded (although my school also had its fair share of closed-minded conservatives). The point is that I didn’t come out in general to everyone until I felt ready and safe to do so. And I’m honestly super glad I waited that year and only came out to a few trusted people until I was truly ready to come out to everyone.

I hope my answer helps anon! I’m sorry I’m so long-winded lol :) If you have any other questions or just need someone to talk to, I am always here to give advice or to just lend a listening ear.

[heliotrope-r]

I’m a bit miffed that there’s a comic coming out set between TLJ and TROS and Kylo’s still in “seething about destroying the Resistance” mode and ordering the destruction of planets for just helping them. It’s like...I guess his expression and demeanor in the last Force bond didn’t mean that much? It’s also impacting my view of his redemption, not going to lie, he has the authority as SL and is doing a lot worse things and hasn’t learned anything at all, fully regressing...

Oooh! Thank you for asking this, as I was JUST thinking about this very thing tonight and considering writing something up on Twitter about it. Now I’ll do it on Tumblr instead! 

I completely understand (and share!) your frustration with Kylo’s ongoing crusade to crush the Resistance, especially when he knows Rey is with them, and may even know by now that his mother is still alive. How could he behave so cruelly and ruthlessly after what happened at the end of TLJ? Surely after venting his rage against Luke’s Force projection and then finding the base on Crait empty and nothing left for him but the fading illusion of Han’s dice, surely after seeing the reproach on Rey’s face as she closed the door of the Falcon and cut off the Force Bond contact that had opened between them, he should have realized the error of his ways and repented? And if weeks or perhaps even months have passed since then and he’s still raging and frothing about destroying the Resistance and everything and everyone associated with them, doesn’t that look like distressingly like a sign that Kylo Ren is only going to plunge deeper into the Dark Side from this point on, and never repent or return to the Light at all?

At first glance, it certainly does look like that -- and I think a lot of fans are going to see it that way (even including some who sincerely care about Kylo and hoped to see him redeemed in the end, but who can’t imagine how that could be possible anymore). But Kylo’s behaviour in Allegiance #1, disappointing as it may be, is far from being out of line with a redemption story. In fact, it’s perfectly in line with one of the most famous redemption stories of all time -- that of Saul of Tarsus, a man who started out as a fanatical enemy and persecutor of the early Christian disciples, and later ended up being a leading disciple and preacher of the Christian faith himself.

Bear with me here, I’m about to get Bibley on you but it’s all relevant, I promise.

Saul’s first big chance to repent and change -- his TLJ moment, you might call it -- is found in Acts chapter 7, where we meet him witnessing the execution of Stephen, the first Christian martyr. Stephen delivers a powerful, moving speech before his death by stoning, including praying for God to forgive his executioners, and Saul is right there to hear every word of it. But how does he react to this moving scene? The answer is right at the start of chapter 8:

... Saul approved of [Stephen’s] execution. And there arose on that day a great persecution against the church in Jerusalem, and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria ... Devout men buried Stephen and made great lamentation over him. But Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison.

Judging by his behaviour, it looks like Saul was the very opposite of touched by Stephen’s eloquent speech and courageous death for what he believed. In fact, it just seems to have made Saul hate Christians even more. But then we get to Acts 9, when Saul, who is still “breathing out threatenings and slaughter” (sound familiar?) against the Christians and has even doubled down on his efforts to destroy them, is suddenly struck on his way to Damascus by a vision of Jesus speaking to him from heaven:

And falling to the ground, he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.”

That’s all we get in that chapter to explain what happened to Saul, but it’s the beginning of an absolutely monumental transformation -- his conversion into Paul the apostle, a man who would dedicate the rest of his life to preaching and teaching the message of Jesus Christ and eventually became a martyr himself. And although it might seem like this transformation came out of nowhere, Paul admits in a later account of his conversion that Stephen’s death had made a big impact on him and left him ashamed of what he’d done:

And I said, ‘Lord, they themselves know that in one synagogue after another I imprisoned and beat those who believed in you. And when the blood of Stephen your witness was being shed, I myself was standing by and approving and watching over the garments of those who killed him.’ (Acts 22:20)

But here’s my favorite part, from an even later version of Saul’s testimony:

And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice saying to me in the Hebrew language, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’ (Acts 26:14)

In other words, the exact reason Saul was so fiercely motivated to destroy the Christians, the reason he doubled down on attacking them after Stephen was martyred, was not because Stephen’s words and his courage hadn’t moved Saul but precisely because they had. They’d left Saul feeling ashamed of himself for the part he’d taken in Stephen’s murder, and uncomfortably aware that he was very likely taking the wrong side. But instead of admitting he’d been wrong and changing his ways, he’d thrown himself desperately into doing even more harm to the Christians, in an effort to harden his conscience and get rid of those nagging, goading, nastily prickling doubts.

And this is very often the way human beings in general behave when we’re confronted by someone, or something, that tells us we’re doing wrong. We don’t want to hear it, it makes us unhappy and uncomfortable, we’re scared of how much damage we may have done to ourselves and others if we really are wrong -- so we snarl and snap and fight that possibility with everything we’ve got. We can’t see any way out of the hole we’ve already dug for ourselves, so our instinct tells us to just keep digging and pray we end up somewhere.

That’s what I think Kylo Ren is doing in Allegiance #1, and what I expect to still find him doing at the beginning of TROS. He’s kicking against the goads. He knows deep down he’s on the wrong side, that he shouldn’t have refused the chances for redemption that Rey and Luke offered him, and his guilty conscience is driving him wild with frustration. He invested everything he had in becoming Supreme Leader, in proving that he could bring order and peace to the galaxy, and yet the Resistance keeps slipping through his fingers and gaining more and more support for their rebellion. Their very existence taunts him with the knowledge of the good man he could and should have been, and that’s unbearable to him. He has to wipe them out, or (he tells himself) he’ll never know any peace.

Hux and the other First Order generals can afford to be cool about the Resistance, to consider them an insignificant threat, because they’re completely convinced of their own power, superiority and ultimate rightness. Their consciences are so seared by a lifetime of loyalty to Snoke (and before that, the Emperor) that they don’t feel a single iota of doubt or remorse. But Kylo can’t be cool, because he’s terrified. He can’t relax and bide his time, because every second the Resistance continues to exist reminds him that there’s another, better side in this war and he should be on it. 

So in essence, Kylo’s fanatical zeal to destroy the Resistance is exactly what shows us that he isn’t fully committed to evil, despite all his best efforts to prove otherwise. The pre-TFA Kylo who coolly stuck his lightsaber through the Benathy king’s skull and cut his lieutenant off at the knees, who smirked after carving through a Zillo Beast from the inside out and strode into Tuanul like he owned the place, was the closest we’ll ever see him to being a true sold-out-to-the-Dark-Side villain. But the Kylo we’ve been seeing since Crait is a panicked, hysterical mess who makes his own officers side-eye him for his bad strategic decisions, because he literally cannot see past his own obsession with destroying the Resistance. And that very fixation tells me that he’s closer to turning than he’s ever been before.

[outcast-incel]

1

First and foremost. This will be a reading blog. Pics, vids, memes etc will not be a priority for me. I may throw them in on occasion, but it won’t be often, if at all. I am not consistent, and I am not doing this as a major dedicated activity. I simply wanted to vent a bit, but have no one to vent with. Such is my life.

I guess I can start with a little about me. I’m me. I have tried on multiple occasions throughout my life to fit in with a stereotype or clique of some sort, but have never been successful in my attempts. The only thing that has remained consistent in my life is that pain is a constant companion. Luckily, I had the Army teach me how to embrace the suck and make it part of who I am.

I was raped as a kid, repeatedly, for more than a year. One of the neighbor’s uncles. I don’t know if it was a literal uncle, or someone who just said to call them uncle. Who knows. I was forced to play “the private game” with one of the neighbor boys for a very long time. I never told anyone about that until a year or so ago. I am now in my 30′s. It’s the reason that I am avidly against homosexuality in any form. I was physically and emotionally abused as well throughout my childhood until I got bigger than others and started fighting back. I had drug addict older siblings, and did not have my first friend until I was 10 years old. Needless to say, my developmental years were a bit traumatic.

I was constantly getting in trouble for lashing out (wonder why). It took me years to figure out that sometimes shit just happens, and you have to deal with it. I probably started to learn that at about the age of 17, but I am getting ahead here. I’ve been arrested on multiple occasions in my  youth, but never did any jail time. I struggled with substance abuse the majority of my life (but am now 3 years sober) and various other forms of addiction as well. This included in my younger years sleeping with as many women as often as possible. It has been nearly a decade since I have been in a relationship now.

When I was in junior high and high school I went out of my way to try to belong anywhere. I hung out with the drug crowd, the gang banger crowd, the jocks, the popular kids, the nerds, the artsy types, heck I even tried to fit in with the religious crowd. It never happened for me, still hasn’t. I did come close when I spent nearly a decade with the Juggalos. They accepted me more than anyone ever did. However, like everything else though, over time that crowd was perverted by new folks who didn’t understand what it meant. Instead of being a family of outcasts, it became a competition of who could be the most hardcore. The younger generation started testing people to see if they were “really down”. It got old fast.

I joined the military when I was 20. I had to wait 2 years from my last arrest. I served as a Communications Specialist in the Signal Corps with the 4th Infantry Division. I served for 4 years and left as soon as they repealed don’t ask don’t tell. Obama did a very thorough job of destroying centuries of military history, tradition, and culture. I have a deep hatred for that man because of what he did to the armed forces and American culture as a whole. In all honesty though (hard truth), I wouldn’t have been able to last as a career anyway. My body was already breaking down with the rigors of military service, and it wouldn’t have lasted much longer. I now suffer from permanent injuries sustained near the end of my service, and they are only getting more and more painful as time progresses. Again, embrace the suck.

My alcoholism got really bad after spending 12 months in Iraq. It got out of control when I separated from the service. I worked hospital security for a number of years, then in the mines as a 3rd party contractor, hospital security again and finally caught my stride. I had a come to Jesus moment which changed my life. I quit drinking, and started going to church. I started college, bought a house, and a truck. I still struggle with addiction, but it is now food. It sucks because I would like to be a husband and father, but frankly, I’m a bit too emotionally detached for that to ever happen. Marriage is for the young and hopeful. Not the bitter and broken. It’s okay though, I won’t be the first person to die alone, and I certainly won’t be the last. Who knows. Maybe God will see fit to fully heal me and let me lead a normal family life. I like to think it’s a possibility.

I want to point out that all things considered, I think I turned out pretty well for my past. True I live alone, and only talk to a couple of friends once a month or so. However, I am not a criminal or a predator, I am a devout Christian, I love to do community service, and I have a deep love for my God, my Country, my family (we got over our childhood bullshit), and my friends (the few that I have). I used to enjoy the outdoors, but can’t anymore because of my injuries sustained in the service. I am now working in the tech industry. Figured I might as well use my military experience to my benefit. I am going to school for as much. I am at a point where I simply exist. Those who really know me look to me as a source of inspiration knowing that if I can keep going with my past experiences haunting me, they can as well.

The only thing that I ever wanted in life was to find a woman to spend the rest of my life with. To be in a relationship that is honest and loyal. That doesn’t seem to be a reality anymore. I’ve been engaged 4 different times, but every single one of my fiances ended up cheating on me. That was mostly my fault for the type of woman I used to pursue in my younger years. I will continue to have a small hope that it may happen, but as I mentioned earlier, I don’t see it happening at this point. I weigh well over 300 lbs. I’m bald, blind (not literally), and struggle with PTSD. I am emotionally and socially withdrawn. The only time I ever leave the house is to go to work, go shopping, or to visit family every few months. Maybe that will change now that I am working days for the first time in nearly a decade, but who knows. I do plan to go out more and enjoy the outdoors as much as I can. I can still go fishing, and camping so long as it’s easy terrain. Not much ladies to find there though.

I am very easy going, very sarcastic, and extremely empathetic when it is deserved, even though I hide that bit about me. I will say that I am also very apathetic as well. I don’t feel sorry for people and their situations most of the time since they are usually self inflicted. I am overly blunt and honest when asked a question and I love to argue. Truth be told, it isn’t usually much of an argument though. I almost always win. I am traditional. I think the reason for this is I hate what this world has become so I tend to look back. If I were to choose a period to live in, it would be either during the revolutionary days, the wild west days, or the days of the civil war. It seems that was the last time that people cared about their freedom instead of turning to the government to provide for them. People looked inward for strength or up to God. This country was founded on rebellion. Now, people rebel because they want to be controlled. The kicker is, most folks don’t even realize it.

There ya go. There is my introductory blog. I have now popped my blogging cherry. That is a little glimpse in to what has made me me. I think that a lot of my posts will be rants for the most part. It may seem like self pity at times, but I assure you, I don’t think highly enough of myself to pity myself. I feel that I deserve all the pain that is sent my way, because obviously it is meant to be. I honestly believe that I serve as hope for others that at least they’re not me. This detachment has made me excellent in leadership roles because I try to serve those under me instead of trying to only further my position. I go out of my way to help people so they may not have to experience the pain that has become my friend over the years. No one should have to be put through that.

God bless.

[cygnahime]

FFX Reliveblogging Part...4?

I'm grinding in the Omega Ruins in my other save, and mildly frustrated because Tidus has the highest strength in the party but......chocobo racing sucks, so he's capped at 9999 damage. Meanwhile Auron in yellow HP is doing 50k and hit 99,999 with a crit. Just the once, but it got me that trophy. I'm pretty sure Auronlu has already talked a lot about the Luca/Bevelle Crusaders/Warrior Monks conflict taking place in the background of the game. It first really comes up in Maechen's little discourse about the history of Lord Mi'ihen. Notable is that the Crusaders, originally founded as the Crimson Blades, were not originally part of the Yevonite power structure, but were subsumed presumably as an alternative to holy war. (Which is kind of hilarious, considering the our-world history of "Crusaders".) Ahhhh it's my favorite lesbians! And Clasko. I could say a lot of unkind things about the Battle Thongs, but the narrative at least never treats Lucil (and Elma) with less than total respect. Which I guess just shows how...gratuitous the clothing is. It's completely inconsistent with the characters. Bad design. Speaking of outfits, I looooove Belgemine's dress. It's so elegant! I'm pretty fond of her as a person, as well. And not just because she heals our aeons for us. She is a lady. I mean, also an undead, but it's rude to comment on these things. I usually lose this first aeon duel, but I'll give it my all anyway. Yes! I got off two Energy Blasts with a whole 37 HP to spare! Is Belgemine looking for Yuna specifically? Did she maybe meet Braska, either while alive or after death? Or is she just meeting up with all the promising summoners to see if one of them will prove worthy of her sisters? She's so mysterious and cool, I love her. Everyone has to practice their smiling faces when little kids cheer for Yuna bringing the Calm. It's very awkward, especially for Callie's mom, who does know. Now I'm talking to Luzzu and Gatta again, which of course leads me to the eternal question: who shall live and who shall die, who by fire and who by drowning, who by sword and who by beast. It's like the one branching-paths decision we make in this game, which means I think about it a lot. Additionally, when I first played this game I was deep in my Achilles/Patroclus phase and these two gave me feelings. They still do, but now the feelings contain a strong element of nostalgia. This area is just full of NPCs I love. Shelinda is a doormat, but I am fond of her. Even if it a bit rich of her to say, "It's not about defeating Sin!" to a summoner. Defeating Sin is everything to Yuna. And she still goes out of her way to make Shelinda feel better. Yuna is so kind. Auron does not have time for your racist bullshit, Wakka. Also we're all low on MP, especially you, and MP is life. We are not doing the other half of the Highroad like this. Continued adventures of endeavoring not to boost Lulu's affection through the roof. Lu, I love you, and I love talking to you, but please, let me get cutscenes with Yuna. I firmly believe that Yuna asked her guardians not to tell Tidus the full truth, after this scene if not before. She doesn't want him to change how he treats her. (How he treats her: giving her minor crises of faith every time they talk, but in a good way.) She's in a particularly yearning mood here, not least because she's just been recording her will. And here comes Tidus, acting like she has a future... (And all her other guardians pretending not to be eavesdropping.) (Up until Auron can't take it anymore, anyway.) Enter Rin, Al Bhed ambassador (unofficial). At least, he's the one out there taking up space and being Highly Visible, suggesting strangers learn the language, doing all that stuff. He is, however, definitely wearing a kink collar. No, I do not know why. I knocked the Chocobo Eater off the cliff for the very first time! Usually I kill it before pushing it that far back, but with Lulu, Auron, and Tidus all hasted, it didn't get enough turns to push back. This is usually the part of the game where I save the chocobo ride for later and grind for Ability Spheres. With Extract Ability, this will probably take less time than usual, though I also appreciate the extra AP. Plus I want to get Kimahri 'round to Steal ASAP. [Some time later] I wonder what Dona does between getting turned away at the gate and meeting us in Djose. Is there another way around, or does she just wait until Operation Mi'ihen explodes and take the main road? She's quite close behind us. I wonder if she stays to help with the aftermath as well, or if she just heads onward. She definitely got ahead of us at some point (Guadosalam if not before). I find her blend of selfishness and selflessness very intriguing. Seymour's moving on Yuna even here. I wonder if he picked her over Dona and Isaaru because she was the one he happened to encounter, or if it was deliberate: she's younger, more naive certainly than Dona, and certainly seems very devout (liable to be dazzled by a maester's attention), less experienced...younger. But I expect Seymour would have gotten quite a long way with Isaaru, who is after all the most devout of the three - and besides, if Seymour told him what becomes of a chosen guardian, Isaaru might do a lot to keep his brothers from that fate. Seymour says all the right things to and about the Crusaders, even things Tidus thinks (and we are likely to think) are true, but he doesn't mean any of them. He just wants the operation to occur as part of his power struggle with Kinoc, with a bonus of having an effect on Yuna, making her more urgently want to complete the pilgrimage before more people die. I doubt Auron's 100% got Seymour's specific number yet, but he does know he's a maester, and Auron is the founder of Team Fuck Yevon. He knows you don't move up in the ranks without stepping on the people below you. (I mean, also Seymour advocates blatant hypocrisy, which is just the Yevon leadership trademark.) Being asked to perform the sending before people die may be more of a burden than being asked after. That's a heavy emotional burden to place on a teenager. (Although I do think legal/cultural adulthood in Spira is younger than it is for us - life is short no time for childhood.) Fact: the first time I played, I didn't even notice Luzzu and Gatta standing over there and missed the scene entirely. It's a good scene, and really highlights how much Tidus still doesn't understand on a gut level. He sees Gatta wanting to fight, and doesn't think that he could die, and of course there're warring impulses there. God though, the HD remaster takes all the character out of Wakka's face, and I hate it. You know, some people might see saying, "I'll propose when we win the cup," as meaning, "when pigs fly". But I guess that doesn't make sense considering Lulu's behavior. "Being with your girl is good, but keeping Sin far away from her is better." God. Men. I mean, in Spira it's not just men - Lulu went on two pilgrimages to try to keep Yuna alive - but she's also not someone who appreciates being protected. Yeah, Tidus doesn't understand yet why Yuna let Luzzu go, because he doesn't know that she's going to her death, too. And if she feels it right to ignore all the people she loves and who love her telling her not to go, then it's right for Luzzu to do the same. They both think saving the world is more important. Wakka, Wakka no, Wakka don't - see? Racism and religious fundamentalism leads to hurting yourself by kicking a cannon when you're wearing sandals. (I do appreciate the realism though.) I flipped a coin, and it looks like this run, Gatta lives and Luzzu dies. I don't really have an opinion on which is best; it's tragic either way. Though I guess it feels a little more narratively awful to have Tidus naively suggesting Gatta go to the front lines where he gets killed...But the coin has spoken. I appreciate how they give Kinoc character and relationships in so little time. Just his intro - he walks up and hugs Auron, not a huggable person - says something. Auron is still stiff and cagey with him, but that he allowed himself to be embraced says there's more there. Of course, he's also plotting Operation Mi'ihen to break the Crusaders (and, if X-2 is taken into account, setting up the deaths of the Crimson Squad - I think to take out potential rivals), so it's not like he's a good person or anything. But he's less flat. Got the overkill on Gui with ease, thanks to Energy Blast. (And got everyone AP.) Man, Sin's arrival is Lovecraftian as fuck. I like it. The black tendrils snaking through the bay... top creepiness. How Lucil, Elma, and Clasko - how anyone - survived Sin's blast I'll never know. People were disintegrated where they stood! I also don't know how Seymour, a full caster, has the Strength to physically hold off Gui2. It's been weakened, sure, but come the heck on. (His Summon command, which he must have, is also not there. I guess we're not allowed to get a sneak peek of Anima yet.) I appreciate the extra touch of giving Seymour AP, to trick you into thinking he's going to join the party long-term. :C They almost got a shot off on Sin, but unfortunately, horseshoes and hand grenades. Also heartrending: the messages that come up when you check the corpses. Shut up, Seymour, I have another Energy Blast in me. Besides, he could go for Sin at any time; he has his Final Aeon, after all. But he won't. He'd rather destroy the world than save it with his death. And he wants Yuna to feel helpless, so she'll feel like she needs him. Oh no the dead kid who we saw practicing to avenge his sister...no...stop it... Before Jecht came to Spira, his drinking didn't have real consequences to him. He was "still the best", after all. He still had a wife who wouldn't leave him. He hurt other people, but they didn't confront him about it. It took Spira to make him see that it was a problem. Hell of a thing to put on your kid, like, "Hey, son, can I get a mercy kill? Thanks." Though I guess that is...I mean, end-of-life care is a traditional part of a child's duties. Just...not usually in your teens.

[dailyaudiobible]

01/18/2019 DAB Transcript

Genesis 37:1-38:30, Matthew 12:22-45, Psalms 16:1-11, Proverbs 3:27-32

Today is the 18th day of January. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it’s a pleasure, of course, like every day to be here with you and step away into the calm, into some serenity. Everything that's being, you know, not cooperating in our lives right now, it'll still be there when we get out to the other side of this time, but our perspective may have shifted as we allow the word of God to wash over us and into our lives and just allow our souls to relax. This is a safe place and we can breathe, we can exhale. So, we’re getting to the end of another of our weeks together. Of course, this is our 18th step of 365 steps that will take us to the entire Bible and we’ve been reading from the New Living Translation this week, which is what we will continue to do today and tomorrow. And from our Old Testament reading will be reading…let me think about how to say that…from the Old Testament portion of our reading we’ll read Genesis chapter 37 and 38 and then we’ll move into the book of Matthew. So, first Genesis chapter 37.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we covered some significant ground as has been the case almost every day in Old and New Testaments, Psalms and Proverbs. They’re speaking loud and clear.

In the book of Genesis, so, from our Old Testament reading, we’re following the story…well…we’ve been following the story from Abraham to Isaac to Jacob. Of course, Jacob had a brother named Esau and yesterday we kind of read the big picture of where Esau went and who his people became and now we’re settling into Joseph's family and as we've already covered Joseph's name has changed to Israel and his children then would become the children of Israel and now we are beginning to understand their stories. And, so, as we've begun that journey, we see that the brothers have a little brother named Joseph who they cannot stand because he's a dreamer and he's young and he's a little bit arrogant and they can't stand him because he is favored by his father. And we read the account today of Joseph going back to Shechem and remember, Shechem is the place where their sister Dinah had been raped. Shechem is the place where Abraham, Abram, came into the land and was given the promise of the land. So, we keep seeing this kind of geographical landmark because really important things in the Bible happen, there. So, Joseph is sent back because his brothers, apparently, are shepherding their sheep up at Shechem. So, he goes there to look and it turns out that they've gone on to Dothan. And we know this, how this story goes, they’re going to kill Joseph, but instead they sell him. So, they human traffic their brother into slavery in Egypt. Alright, I want to pause here and take us on a very, very brief little side trail, a little bunny trail as it were, because I think it lays out context as we go forward. A few days ago we read the story of Lot, right, and his daughters and their decision to have sex with her dad and there are other parts of that story were Lot was going to throw his virgin daughters out to the throng to be gang raped and it brings up all kinds of stuff, stuff that looks remarkably similar to some of the political struggles in the world today. And, so, we can read certain stories and then a kind of basically back read our culture into those stories and say, “I don't agree with that story that’s in the Bible, that’s not how we should be doing things.” So, for example, like, you know, if there were throng around my house I would not consider throwing my daughter out to the throng in order to save my guests, even if those guests happen to be angels. Although, at least my knowledge, I’ve never had angels in my house. And I know for sure and certain, I've never had my neighbors, like, surround my house asking that I send out my guest so that they can have sex with my guest. Like, I’ve never been put in that position before and probably neither have you, but probably neither had Lot, but we see that Lot his offering his daughters in that story and so it gives us all kinds of heebie-jeebies because we can’t imagine that. And, so, because it was a poor treatment of women in this case, then we get all patriarchal and have all kinds of questions and this happens in some of the letters of Paul too. Like, I already know in the year, the emails that I'm gonna get. So, I want to stop at this particular juncture where we are right now in the story and point out that Joseph's brothers human traffic their own brother into slavery in Egypt and there were no women involved in this and what they did was evil. So, let's just understand that although we are going to experience some raw and unfiltered stories in the Bible when we back read our own time and culture into it we’re missing the point. Part of the point in the Lot story was to show how evil the world had become. Part of the point of the story, because we’re just beginning a very long story with Joseph, is to show how evil the world had become, like it wasn't just a sexist thing. And wat we’re gonna see as the story of Joseph begins to unfold is that in spite of evil there can still be good, in spite of darkness there can still be light.

And we get into the book of Matthew and Jesus is dealing with problems of His own because He's not playing along. Like, Jesus looks now like a superstar communicator who has some pretty miraculous powers to back Him up and the religious leaders are checking Jesus out but He does things that breaks their rules and it's inflaming them because they think they’re the keepers of the rules of God and then here is God breaking, apparently, His own rules when in fact all He's doing is showing them that the way they had interpreted the rules had gotten so backward that the heart and soul of why the laws existed in the first place had died. So, Jesus is being accused of being a child of the devil, which is where apparently where He gets his power from. So, He's healing people because he's empowered by Satan to do it. This is what the religious people are saying about Jesus. And, so, Jesus as His own response, right, and it's a logical response, “a kingdom divided by Civil War is doomed”, right, “a town or a family splintered by feuding will fall apart”, that's more close to home, that’s something we probably really understand. And then Jesus says, “if Satan's casting of Satan and he's divided and fighting against himself what you're saying is not making any sense.” But it's here that Jesus says something that is deeply poignant and that we should understand. Jesus says, “I tell you every sin and blasphemy can be forgiven except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit which will never be forgiven. Anyone who speaks against the Son of Man can be forgiven by anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven either in this world or in the world to come.” So, that is a pretty poignant statement and every time we come around this territory I think the same thing in my life, like, this particular story and passage of Scripture brings me back to a very specific place my life, a very specific time, because I grew up the son of pastor and before my father was a pastor he was an evangelist. We traveled around a lot. And, so, I was in church a lot and the idea of blaspheming the Holy Spirit as an unpardonable sin somehow got etched into my childhood and I lived in fear of it continually because how do you know? How do you know, which may have shaped so much of my own life, just trying to know, like, how do you know when you’re doing it right? Because this was one of those things where this is an unforgivable thing forever and ever. How do you know if you've blasphemed the Holy Spirit? First, we have to understand what blaspheming is. So, to blaspheme something is to defame and profane it. And we don't use the word blasphemy much anymore and if we do, you know, it's being it’s in the Bible. And, so, we are specifically talking about God, defaming and profaning God. So, Jesus is having this confrontation and being accused of casting out Satan by Satan and then He turns to this blaspheming the Holy Spirit talk and it's very like, you can go, how are these things connected? There connected because even though Jesus was accused of blasphemy it was actually the religious leaders who were blaspheming because they were saying that what the Holy Spirit was doing through Jesus and the outward signs of healing and miraculous events, that these things were actually not from God, they were from the devil, right? That's blasphemy and Jesus is giving a pretty compelling and stern warning that they're not going to listen to. And where it does become poignant is whether or not we’re going to listen because we might very easily say, “I would never do what they were doing. I would never say Jesus was of the devil. And for that matter I would never claim that the Father or the Holy Spirit. I mean that would never be something that I would say.” So, whew, thank goodness I will not be committing this unpardonable sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, which is good. And yet, when the Holy Spirit resides within His children, His redeemed ones throughout the earth, and we look at those fellow brothers and sisters and in one way or another deny the work of God in their lives we have wandered onto thin ice and we need to back away slowly. And that right there, that right there should penetrate the rest of our day. The religious leaders of Jesus time, they get framed in the Bible as being antagonistic and just, you know, only out to get Jesus and that's true, that is part of the story, but the truth is these were devout people trying to serve God, who had been corrupt because the law had lost its spirit and all they had left was a set of rules and ethics that they tried to try to live by because if they could do them perfectly than they could become righteous before God. Like, if they could obey the law perfectly than they could become righteous before God. So, when Jesus comes in and starts breaking the rules He's completely shattering their paradigm. And anytime your beliefs…the system gets challenged and some things get shattered, that's very disruptive. So they're not looking at Jesus as the Messiah, the son of David, the son of God, anything other than on a human being who seems to have miraculous powers, but it does not line up with their understanding of how things are supposed to go. So, they determined that the only way Jesus could be doing this much good would be by the power of Satan, which makes no sense until we find ourselves doing the same thing, until in small or subtle ways we find ourselves not being able to figure out how God could be using that person because they are such a sinner or that person because they have done these things or anyone over here, they've done…they’re doing things in the name of Jesus that are good in the world but they have some kind of dark piece of their history that we know. And, so, we can find ourselves blaspheming God inside of them because we are willing to deny God's power to redeem.

Prayer:

Father, You have taken us through a big week and there's just a bunch of stuff that You brought up in one weeks-time and here as we prepare to close, You know, we’ve reached the end of the week You’ve left us with plenty consider over the next couple of days. Holy Spirit, come because we’re realizing that yeah, You’re gonna press in and You're gonna touch all the soft spots, but it happens quickly and we’re not always sure how to sort it out. And, so, we invite You into that disruption. So many times we’re like, “oh, there too much going on, I’ve gotta slow things down” when You are actually working in shaking loose things that need to fall away here at the beginning of the year so that You can actually answer our prayer of leading us on the narrow path that leads to life. And, so, we invite Your Holy Spirit into all that we’ve said today and throughout all this week. Come Jesus we pray in Your mighty name. Amen.

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Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi, this is Valerie calling __ , I just wanted to call and pray for some of the prayer requests. Dear Lord, I just want to come to You right now and I want to pray for Marjorie and for her surgery that she’s having Lord. I pray that You will go before her and the doctors Lord and we know that You’ve already prepared a way, we know that You know the end. Lord we already know that You know the end result and what will happen. So, I pray Lord, I pray that You will just give anyone concerned with Marjorie’s case wisdom to know the right thing to do and I pray for her as well. I pray that You’ll give her peace, give her comfort and let her know Lord that she is in the palm of Your hand and that You have already worked out the solution and that You already know what is best for her. Lord, I also want to pray for, I believe it’s Margo in Australia, who is was heading to Liberia. Lord, I listened to Brian’s message today about being ready to go, just go, go where You send us, go where You plant us, and Lord I hear Margo’s heart and I know how anxious she is for her family, how her heart is willing but she’s also torn because she’s leaving everything she knows behind and her son just moved out. So, Lord I just pray that You give her an extra measure of peace. Sometimes Lord it’s just a little bit harder for mothers to just let go of everything even though our heart is willing, and we’re excited to serve You. But Lord I do just pray that You’ll just give her a measure of Your peace and Your comfort at this time. And Lord I also want to pray for Brandon that just called in about meeting reconciliation with his wife. I pray Lord that You will work in that situation and allow forgiveness to come into that Lord and I want to thank You that Prodigal called in. What an answer to prayer that is. Thank You, Prodigal for letting us know…

Hi DAB, this is Sharon from Southern California and I just heard Prodigal’s call and it lifted my Spirit. Prodigal, I am so thrilled to God to hear your voice. I’ve been praying for you as everyone else has. I called on the 31st, I gave a little update, things are worse between me and my daughter and I…I’ve been feeling lost, I’ve been feeling empty, I’ve been feeling…I can’t explain how you feel when you love someone and they don’t love you back and I’ve been functioning but my heart has not been in it. And your call was the first genuine smile I’ve had in all this time and I thank you, I thank God because God is in everything and everyone and your call reminded me that I am not alone, God is hearing me, He sees me and that He’s got me. So, thank you prodigal for calling in and letting us know that you’re still fighting that fight…gives me encouragement and let’s me know that I can still fight the fight, it’s not over. Thank you. Love you guys. Keep praying, I’ll keep praying. Bye, happy new year, bye.

Hello there, Daily Audio Bible family, this is Treasured Possession. The desire of my heart for 2019 is to go from phase to phase and not to experience periods of doubt, self-doubt, self-pity, despair, and going numb. And in 1 Peter 5:6-10 in 2 Timothy 1-7, I see where they divide the place where my hearts desire and God’s word are separated, my soul from spirit because I have a default in those weaknesses. In the story of Lot, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, I saw a picture stories of how shame, which is what those things come from, can destroy your legacy. Lot passed what was most precious to him to the enemy when in crisis when God was fully able to blind the enemy and deliver everyone. How many times have I tried in my human reasoning to argue with Satan. Just shut the door, trust God and invite God into my fear and grief. And shame turn you into a salt pillar. Your flavor, your faith can just turn into a pillar of regret. So, I cannot look back and let the treasurer my heart be my hearts focus, which is the loss in my past. And I can’t grief, pain, suffering and the lies of the enemy invite me into the cave of isolation and despair. I did this for years and just oozed it on myself instead of alcohol like Lot did. I let shame steal my identity. I let grief drown me until I could no longer show up for those I love and help them to discern by example how to of endure in faith. So, I pray, and I thank God because He’s called us out of the darkness into His marvelous light. Dear Lord Jesus, thank You for all You’ve done. Amen.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family. As I’ve reflected on the last few years in the Scriptures with DAB, I do so with such thankfulness in my heart. Nothing has changed me more in such a short amount of time then the pouring in of the Scriptures in my life on a daily basis. In early January 2017 a friend of mine made a Facebook post and attached a link to the Daily Audio Bible and I will be forever grateful to her. I had always wanted to read to the Bible but I would get derailed in that journey year after year until the DAB. I did finish 2017 and I finished it well and then I just kept on going. I have no doubt that the Holy Spirit brought the DAB into my life for such a time as this. Little did I know how much this beautiful rhythm I was establishing would sustain me through two very difficult years, but God knew. So, I really want to encourage new listeners to keep going with this and make the word of God number one priority in your life this year. God has handed us His word is food on a silver platter through this ministry and He has seasoned it well through Brian’s thoughtful commentaries. If you are a regular listener, I pray that you will use your sphere of influence to share the Daily Audio Bible. It can be as simple as adding a link to the ministry in your next Facebook post. This year I’ve added the DAB Chronological and Proverbs my daily reading and I’m very excited about that. So, thank you Brian, thank you Jill, thank you China and to all of the DAB team behind the scenes and the financial partners who keep this ministry going. I seriously can’t imagine my life without it. This is Marsha calling in from Monument Colorado praying for everyone that calls in…

Hi this is Scottish Tom from the Cleveland Ohio area and calling once again for Prodigal. Sorry, I’m a bit behind on the community prayer line. I’m still listening to last week’s one, but I did hear your second call and that was the message I was hoping to hear. But just know that we’re all here for you, we’re all praying for you and you can do this and call in as often as you need to. We’re all praying for you. Good to hear your voice again and good to hear that you’ve made that promise to stick with us. Take care. Bye.

[where-ls-my-mlnd]

"Well, yeah you’re right. Not just that you’re a guilty piece of shit, you’ve got that pretty well covered, but also that I need to understand, because how am I supposed to fully understand when all I can rely on is whatever I’m being thrown next? How can you expect me to?" My heart sinks when I hear him say those words, when I hear him spit them out like they taste bitter in his mouth, not even thinking twice before assigning me the role, casting me as the villain, calling me out for what I am. It's stupid. I know it's stupid. And I know I'm a piece of shit, but god...I don't want J to. I don't want him to think so low of me. Which is preposterous, and not even a little bit justified, considering I made him come over here so we could chat all about my latest romantic failure. Keyword being failure. I'm the one who fucked everything up here. I'm to blame. And I want him to what? Fawn all over me? Crown me king of his life? Tell me I'm a good fucking person or something? I'm not. I'm really not, and the worst part is that I can't even fight him on it. What am I gonna do, look him in the face and say hey you fucking bitch, don't you know lots of guys try to get with girls when they're vulnerable and delirious? That's normal behavior! What the fuck? I can't say that. I don't even think I would say something like that when I was sixteen and spun out and vaguely misogynistic. I don't even think I would go that far then. That's just common sense. I can't be allowed leniency for this. Not that anyone was ever going to give me it. 

Certainly not J. He's not like that. He's...well, he's blunt, for better or worse. And isn't that what I asked for? Honesty. An easy going, objective observer. Someone who can recognize when I've been the victim but also when I've been the perpetrator. Someone who's kind and understanding but not unctuous. A friend. I asked for a friend, not a sycophant. But still...

You don't gotta be a sycophant, but you don't gotta be an asshole, either. You don't have to be so cruel...why'd he say it like that? I thought he was being nice to me. Wasn't he just being nice to me? And now he's going out of his way to make me feel worse? I thought he liked me. Why the fuck is he even here if he doesn't like me? Just to openly revel in my pain? I would never do that to him. I've done a lot of shit to J but I would never take joy in his pain, for fuck's sake. I would never be so callous. What the fuck kind of a person does that? Just tricks someone and makes them think they're altruistic and caring, goes through the effort of breaking their walls down, only to switch up on them at the last minute and deliver a cutting jab like that? That's not right. That's just not normal. That's what he thinks of me? Really? Well, fuck, I guess it takes one to know one, doesn't it. Fucking J. Baby-faced motherfucker is probably still in high school and thinks he fucking knows everything. You know, maybe I took advantage of Lyd in a vulnerable time, and I'm sorry for that, I am - but at least I didn't cut her down. I didn't go out of my way to be a dick. I just started thinking with mine. Too much. That's like, the only head I thought with, I think. Maybe I really am trying to be sixteen again. No one seems to interest me unless they can give me something and all I think about is sex. Lovely.

"Whatever solace you wanted from me to call me down here, I’ll never be able to give it to you because I can’t know what you want if I don’t know what I’m dealing with. I’m not trying to be nosy, but fuck it, when it comes to that, I’m not innocent either. If you want me to know something, my ears are open. But you have to let me fucking know it…" His speech finally comes to an end, and I clench my jaw in irritation, staring down at the ground as I distantly think up ways to shut down this awful conversation as quickly as possible - and then what he said clicks in my mind, and oh, I see. I see it now. Of course he thinks I'm irredeemable scum. That's the only version of me he's ever known. No wonder why he was so quick to blame me. He doesn't know all of the times that Lyd was to blame. He doesn't know all of the times she's hurt me, led me on, been the villain. He doesn't see that. He only sees the modern day version where the roles have been reversed, and I'm the bad guy and she's the hero we all root for. He only sees me manipulating a situation to get what I want and her running away in tears after she realizes what I’ve done to her. He never saw me get used. He never saw the few times where I actually did nothing wrong. He wasn't there. He only knows what I tell him.   If there's been any misunderstanding or false recollection of events that's caused him to view me in the negative light that he does - it's my fault. It's my fault. Holy fuck. Of course it's my fault. If I make myself out to be a heartless demon who corrupted an innocent girl, he's gonna see me as a heartless demon who corrupted an innocent girl. Oh. It's all my fault. He didn't do anything wrong at all. I should've known better than to assume that of him. Fuck, now I feel bad. Worse, actually. It still stings, sharper than it probably should, but...at least I know he didn't mean it. I...I made him think that of me. Hell, I probably wanted him to think that of me, deep down. So it's whatever. That was just...his way of trying to help. He only wants to help me. Now I just got to figure out how to let him do that. He's right, that much is certain. I have given him practically nothing and I do desperately need to provide him with context if I want him to understand. I don't know how I didn't know that but I know it now. Okay. So...I'll just give him more. Tell him the whole story, let him respond, and then this whole conversation can become much more reciprocal and I can maybe finally get rid of the hollowness in my chest and - Wait. Um...how the hell am I going to tell this story? It all took place when we were young, which makes my still-present feelings for her even more pathetic, but mostly, it makes this story almost impossible to tell. Um...shit. Well, I'm gonna have to find a way around this. I am really gonna have to find a way around this. I don't know if this comes as a shock to you, but I don't particularly want to tell J that I'm a drug addict with dead parents and a bastard half-brother who spent a portion of my life in the foster care system and an even larger portion of it doing nothing but getting high. I don't really want to announce that at the moment. I'm not going to announce it ever. He is never going to know. Not ever. I'm dragging that secret down to my fucking grave with me. If he thinks I'm a terrible person now...then he would call the cops on me if he knew what I was like back in the day. No. No fucking way. He's only ever gonna know me like this. He's only ever gonna know me now, as some weird but benign enigma who he sometimes talks to outside of dealing, and that's it. It could never be anything more than that. Which makes things hard in this scenario.

Ugh, maybe I'll just lie about all of it. God, now I'm really paying homage to my younger self. I hate having to lie about everything I did before age twenty one. I hate having to filter everything I say when people ask me to tell them about myself. It's depressing and humiliating but what's funny is usually they understand what you mean if you just hit 'em with the oh, I was 'troubled.' I was a very troubled child. I wasn't doing well. I went through some stuff. I did some bad things. Things you'll never get to hear about or know because I'm too chicken shit to tell you and because most people aren't really as desensitized to hard drugs as I am so if I were to tell you the extent of my 'rebelling' you'd probably turn as white as a sheet, clutch your chest and go oh, god. Oh god, how ever did you make it out of that?

And I couldn't tell you that, either. Because you don't really want to know. And because you would turn as white as a sheet and feel your stomach start to turn if you learned that my ex who is also an addict (what a fucking pair we made, huh?) relapsed right when things were perfect between us and I fell into a depression so strong that it ended up with me being held in a psych ward for 72 hours. Oh, and I relapsed, too. 'Cause I'm a follower. And I can't handle my emotions. What about you? What's your life story? Oh my god, I'm never going to be able to blur this out. What do I tell him? Fuck. I don't know. Maybe I'll just omit everything that happened once I turned fourteen and keep my old life in there. Fuck it, that'll be who I am. That was my childhood. My whole childhood. Wholesome little church boy. Devout Catholic. Hardworking student, loving son, elitist brat. What was your youth like, S? Ah, I went to church. Prayed to God, did my chores, polished my halo. Lyd just went to the same Catholic school as me. She looked good in those skirts, so I politely asked her if she would like to go out sometime. She said yes. We were the sweetest couple you've ever seen. Kissed with our mouths closed. Only held hands when we were feeling frisky. Our parents said we looked just darling together. Because we had parents. Yeah, we were the American dream, man. Homecoming king and queen. Nah, we actually were, though. That's not a bullshit lie. The rest of it is a bullshit lie. Some of it's true. My parents did get me pretty heavily involved in religion before they croaked. Lyd and I did go to the same school, just wasn't Catholic. And we were pretty innocent before everything went to shit. It's not really so extreme. It's not that much of a lie. Except for I'm ten years removed from the church, and I don't have my parents anymore. I still have absurd amounts of money but I don't do nothing with it. That's the only thing that never changed. Come on, I'm not a fucking child of God. I'm more like Judas these days. I can't pretend like my old life didn't burn to the ground a long time ago. I'm not a golden boy. I'm no one. My morals are skewed all over the place. My composure is nonexistent. My grades suck serious shit, I live in a glorified closet, and I never go outside, and when I do, I don't even make eye contact with people, I just panic and speed walk in the opposite direction. I don't think I've even prayed in years. Like who the fuck is gonna believe that story? I have no choice but to only omit the really bad stuff. It'd be nice if I could omit all of it but there'd be no story if I did. I guess he never thought that of me anyway. I mean, I'm a drug dealer. So, uh. Not exactly Pope Francis. I just have to get it over with... "Okay...um, alright. Sure. I guess. Yo, it's fucking long, though. I'm serious. You can't get mad at me. You can't take back your decision. 'Cause I really wasn't fucking around when I said this has happened like, thirty million times before. So just - don't lose your mind. Lemme get through my shit. I'll try to be succinct, but like, no promises." I pause, taking in a long, deep breath before beginning. "It all started when we were young...like, younger than you are. We were like, fourteen and thirteen. It was at a...weird time in my life, so right away you know this ain't gonna end well for anybody, but I didn't care. There wasn't even an end in sight as far as I was concerned. I saw her, and she was like...well, she was the first girl I had ever liked. I didn't think about romance or girls really, before I met her. Which kind of stunted my abilities, but I asked her out anyway. She said yeah. We dated for a summer. I'll always remember it. How ecstatic I was. She was just...fucking dazzling. It's like, I just...was so drawn to her. So intensely and irreversibly...drawn to her, and everything that she was. That makes no sense when you think about it, god. Bet you're thinking no shit you were drawn to her, why'd you fucking date her then, dumbass? But you know what I mean. You know when you watch a movie? And it's like, your favorite movie, it means so much to you, it's one of those things that you live for, and you've seen it a million times and you know it by heart, but you never get tired of it, you don't mind that you already know all of the lines or that you've stared at and admired the cinematography so many times that the images have burned themselves into your brain, that doesn't ruin it for you. You just love it so much that you keep watching it, over and over again, and you never wanna stop watching it, you just have this urge to keep going and keep hitting the replay button because it's like you're fucking addicted to it, that's how happy it makes you. You just keep chasing that high even though it's familiar and not really new anymore. That's what being with her was like. I crashed eventually, though. We crashed. Broke up right before school went back in session over something so embarrassing I...I can't tell you. Maybe someday, not now. It was so outrageously bad that she sort of dumped me on a whim, but then it stuck, 'cause I was so ashamed of myself I couldn't bring myself to apologize. If I had just...done that, we wouldn't have...well, anyway. Due to her freakishly angelic nature, she somehow forgave me. We got back together a while after my freakout, and god, it was even better than the last time. We lasted so fucking long. J, we lasted so long. I know it doesn't mean much to surpass the three month mark in a relationship unless you're still in high school, but I was still in high school, alright, and it felt fucking amazing. I had never had something that lasted that long. I really thought we were gonna make it. But once again...I was wrong. Flash forward to New Years Eve 2006. We're older by then, but not any more mature. She was kinda the head bitch at our school - I mean she was a cheerleader and everything, she got fantastic grades, everybody liked her, more than they liked me, at least. So she snagged this invite to a party someone was throwing, she took me as her plus one, and I brought this good friend of mine. Remember him. He'll play an integral part in the story later on. So we get to the party - and to be honest I can't really remember much of it. It was thrown by someone a little higher up on the social hierarchy, but I can't recall if the party prospered because of that or suffered. I know that I was having a great time at first. It was one of the first times that I ever drank. I felt way too excited about that. Anyway, we stay there and we party for like, three hours or something. LISTEN NOW, okay; this is where it gets completely insane. The countdown literally has ten seconds left, she comes up to me, I'm thinking she just wants to be near me and kiss me once the clock strikes twelve, I smile at her all wasted and oblivious. Now, you won't believe this. She looks at me, she goes...I think we need to break up. Break up! In front of everyone, mind you. She's rushing it hard fucking core, she's like, uh, yeah, I just don't think it's working out, let's break up, okay? It's 2007. New year, new me. She actually fucking said that. New year, new me? New fucking me. Well, I didn't know who I was without her so clearly it's not new me, it's nobody knows me, I don't know me, I'm fucking no one now. God. Now, I had already been through some shit at that age, like, some pretty fucked up traumatic shit, but I swear...I didn't know real pain until that moment. The cherry on top is that I didn't even get to sit with that pain, or try and ask her, like, hey, can we go outside or something, why the fuck are you leaving me - because she fled. She had been missing for ages, and she finally found me, came up to me just to tell me that, and then she fucking fled out of the room like she was chasing after half-price weed. I think my brain actually stopped functioning, in those few, horrible moments that I was just standing there in silence." I pause, feeling a twinge of pain at the memory. It doesn't last long. I shake my head, like I can shake off the pain this way, giving a slight shudder. "Well, anyway...few minutes go by, it's fully 2007 now, I'm sitting out on the steps of that house all by myself, not even crying or anything, just trying to ignore the annoying music that was still playing from inside so I could maybe slow my thoughts down and process at least one bit of information. It wasn't going too well. The door opens, I look over, it's my friend that tagged along - remember him? Right? He saw the whole thing. Naturally, I didn't really want to see him or talk to him because of that, but he refused to leave me alone. I'm getting pretty irritated now, and I'm just kind of like, dude, there's nothing in this universe that could possibly be more important than me trying to cope with this. Fuck off outta here. Please. But I was wrong. God, I shouldn't have ever said that, because I was wrong. I'm sitting there like an idiot, thinking that nothing could be worse than this, and he's like, no, you have no idea, I'm so sorry to interrupt your sulking but you have to know this, it's so fucked up, I need to tell you. Now I'm getting pretty fucking nervous. Christ. My best friend, he looks at me, and he says - I saw Lydia making out with some guy in the bathroom. Before she broke up with you." There's a deranged little laugh that shakes out of me then, and I find myself shaking my head again, just at how unbelievable this all sounds. I reach into my jean pocket, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter, standing up and lighting it before sticking it in the corner of my mouth and beginning to pace around. "I didn't believe him. I was just looking at him, and - it took me a long while to be able to get it through my skull. I remember I-I kept, I kept shaking my head at him, just shaking it over and over and I kept saying no you didn't, no you didn't, no you didn't. She wouldn't do that. That kinda drove him up the wall. He said, she wouldn't do what? Cheat on you? She just broke up with you in a house full of people. Yes she would cheat on you. I saw it. I'm sorry, but I saw it. God, I just kept shaking my head and blubbering nonsense until it finally hit me and I started crying all over the place and he had to hold me back from rushing into the house to try and find the other man. God. It was a nightmare. And you wanna know something really chilling? It was a day after I told her I loved her for the first time. She said it back, but...I guess she didn't mean it, huh? Anyway. I kind of lost my mind after that happened. I mean I was just so...well. You can imagine. I went to such a miserable place that summer. Damn near killed myself. Not like, kill myself like, I'm gonna shoot myself in the head, but just...with the way I was going. I didn't take care of myself at all. I was so angry and lost all of the time. I didn't want...anything to do with anyone. But then some things happened. I kind of got even with her. Um, after that summer she wasn't the only one who had fucked up anymore. So. Some shit went down. And I thought I had changed. After all that stuff. So we got back together. It wasn't too smart. But I loved her. And I think, deep down, she loved me a little bit, too. So we stayed together, but kind of ended again in the early months of...2008, was it? Because of...well, I - I really wasn't a good person at all. I was, uh...just kind of...well, you know James Dean? You know his character in Rebel Without A Cause? I was like that, but evil. And uglier. And I wasn't very rebellious. I mean, I was in most ways, I guess. I could get pretty fucking ridiculous when I wanted to. But I mean that I wasn't rebelling for anything important. I thought I was rebelling for my own freedom, but each move I made I just ended up stripping myself of freedom. You know what I'm saying? I actually was a rebel without a cause. Didn't even have a semblance of a cause. I just made noise 'cause it was something to do. That's nothing like James Dean's character, though. Nah, he wasn't even much of a rebel. He had stuff to be angry about, unlike me. He was still a pretty chill guy, though? I mean all the other kids were like, stabbing each other after school and shit, and he was the one to walk up to 'em and be like whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck is going on here? Why are we even allowed to have weaponry at this age? He was quite the pacifist, ole James. Good guy. Just wanted to date Natalie Wood and take in all the sad gay kids and make friends with 'em. That was all he wanted to do. Anyway, fuck me, shit, I'm veering off track - I just meant that I was the dollar store version of James Dean. Except he was more of an outcast than I ever was. That's what separates us. I fell right in with that same slimy crowd while claiming to be different. You would've punched me if you had known me. I wanted her back, though, so I sort of, well, I swore I would change. And I did. For the Summer. Then I...well, I didn't actually change. I did some horrible shit I don't really feel like discussing. So did she. That's what made us so fatal. I let her down a whole bunch of times and she let me down a whole bunch of times and we both did fucked up shit to each other but we kept going anyway. Until it was Fall. I was on the edge of seventeen, and going nowhere but down, and she finally recognized that for the last time and left me. I knew there was no way I could ever get her back. I knew that our time...our time was just over. So we just...went on our separate ways and shit, and uh - I did something inconceivably stupid again so I wasn't even around much anyway, and we lived our lives far away from each other and did different things. The last time I saw her was at our high school graduation. And it was so fucking...weird. I had gotten my shit together by then, and she never had any shit to get together, so she was doing just fine, and - and we said goodbye, I said that I hope she finds happiness in whatever she does, wherever she goes in life, and she wished me the same. Nice little happy ending. EXCEPT FOR THAT SHE FUCKING REAPPEARED THREE YEARS AGO. Just crept back into my life. I don't know if God was feeling particularly bored, and just wanted some quick amusement, or what - but we literally just ran into each other and we kind of became friends and it was a beautiful, beautiful thing that we inevitably had to ruin by getting too stoned one night and sleeping together. That was last Fall. So I guess I felt pretty comfortable just going in for the kill last night. God, what even was last night? I feel like I'm fucking dying. My head hurts. So that's the brilliant story of how I went balls deep on my ex-girlfriend right after she got cheated on. You like it? You got any fucking thoughts? Let me know. Let me know, because I'm about to have a conniption if I can't find any reason in her unceremonious sort of break-up text. Swear to god.”

[jeannette-marshall-optioneerjm]

PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

Maybe this will be my rantings blog     : 

  Yet that is just what fuels a lot of misconceptions of women in general.  There are a lot of funny references to levels of contribution in the world, like:

* domestic goddess

* Mary Tyler Moore famous role or Donna Reed character from the early years of television (which was invented LONG time before I was born)

* Screen sirens like Marilyn Monroe to wannabes like Madonna and Britney Speers (however you spell that since it confused spell checker, back space, highlight, right click on mouse, then click selection from option or suggestion to go on a bigger digging expedition with Google …. )

* Perky, cute role models like Katie Couric (and I’m Canadian eh?), Maria in The Sound of Music character, Samantha in Betwitched, Olivia Newton John in Grease or whomever you would insert as a name that you relate time for this genre.

The less popular, yet more communicated is the aggressive female executive.

Re: CareerBuilder Job Application : Banking Administrative Assistant

Inbox

x

7:20 AM (10 hours ago)

to me

Hello

Can I confirm you have a valid Canadian securities course?

Best

Michelle

Talent Management Leader

On Dec 15, 2017, at 1:52 PM, Jeannette Marshall via CareerBuilder

  

You have received …. by replying to this email. Your Reference ID for this job is CAN_s.  

 Thank you for your response Michelle.  I appreciate the reaction :o)

No, I did not state in my CV or anywhere having taken the Canadian Securities Course certification, however, I did confirm that I have Canadian (Secret-past and Reliability-now) Securities Status issued by the Canadian government.  To some, that is valuable validation:  me, for one, to indicate that I am an honest person.

Intellectually, I have had to go from a newly hired to jump into one of the most critical portfolios by one of my greatest managers who recognized my strength in my ability to parachute in with both feet landing on the ground:  exuding confidence and expertise, building trust immediate.  I could communicate with executives on a personable level after being kicked out of the nest within only a month of onboarding to attending a festive cocktail….. smoozing with distinguished executives of Canada’s most high-powered, rubbing elbows in a small circle where one woman was engaging support and advice from the other women, pretty oblivious to the aggressive antics of single ladies and young manifico males trouncing on former friends to get ahead:  I could actually contribute.  I had the experience of deciding I would not go back to work fulltime unless my children would have no less care than I, myself, would provide [ aka super woman extraordinaire or Yuppy ] settling with a full time live out nanny to enhance my home, children, spouse, career, employer without any sacrifice other than my pocket book.  

But some days don’t you just wanna send an email response like this?  Instead, we’re required to remain refined and poised when all we want to do is scream!

Speaking of screaming

I jump on Quora fairly infrequently but deciding more recently that I really like the experience there.  Since I have this thirst for knowledge and pursuit of really interesting things.  It allows me to keep the vibe of catching the vibe of what is going on online.

Advice About Coping with and Overcoming Fear

+3

I had a best friend who became my enemy. I don’t think she knows or cares, but after winter I’m afraid I’m going to scream at her in class. What do I say or do to avoid that?

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5 Answers

Jeannette Marshall, in order to reinforce my own learnings and leanings, i try to help others

Answered 5h ago

There are a lot of conflicting statements just in the question alone: i.e. best friend and enemy.

The person is not aware of the change in status? We don’t know what was done for the fall from grace, therefore, we cannot understand what takes someone from best friend to evil enemy?

Most highly emotional triggers can be minimized if one examines what the root cause is.

The best advice I would give is suggesting you go for tea, hot chocolate or coffee so that you can find out the former best friend’s defense of the actions that caused her to become your enemy. It would give you a chance to unload what made you so upset. By definition, a best friend is someone who is a trusted confidante – did they betray that trust or do something that crossed them off.

Before you scream at her in class, and you end up looking like the freak, maybe write in a journal on what the offense was, how it made you feel, whether it was an emotional reaction, or if the offense is even realized by the offender.

Granted, there are many things that can happen to cause a falling out. Nobody can help with whether it is justified or not based on your own feelings, nor should anyone.

A “best friend” designation can sometimes be fleeting and evolving continuously. What defines a best friend to you? How many best friends have you had in the past 6 months, year, etc.? What happens to make someone fall out of favor with rapid descent to enemy?

All may be worth consideration and evaluation before you address your feelings and avoid screaming: you screaming will result in poor public image even if it is warranted. Keep that in mind.

And practice the golden rule: treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. Maybe the former best friend has no idea that they offended your values, morals or beliefs … or did something to make you this passionately emotional.

We all face obstacles and offenses, yet how we react is how we are measured. I guess I’m saying: take a deep breath, write it all down, and consider a face to face in a calm and relaxing atmosphere (not while you’re out at the pub having a drink which makes your inhibitions less guarded) and be the bigger person. Bridge understanding and communicate what they did to make you feel the way you do before you have any emotional outburst that would show you in less favorable light, even if the offense is astronomical.

More questions posed to me

and my responses.   An unofficial, non-compensated version of Dear Abby or who is doing that anymore anyhow? (Search and insert information and link] to which I dole out habitually and consistently.  My take on motherhood and what my takeaways are from the experience:

Honestly? Well I want to be a Queen, princess at the very least. With it the responsibility of always being fashionably dressed, impeccable coif, an assistant, a butler, a maid, a financier, at the very least. People curtsy or bowing upon meeting. I would wear gloves to avoid germs, dirt, disease. I am financially reliable since I can provide my own tiara, having a selection of a few. I am humble, I try to help others without any monetary reward. Although, treasuring honesty, admit that I salvitate at the thought of compensation from people reading my gripes, quips, tips, trips posts. I am truly sorry! I got sidetracked, totally disregarding the question. I apologize. Oopsie.

Simply? Go to the Nobel website and determine under which category you feel more aligned with: peace, literature, for examples, then study who have been the most recent recipients that you more closely identify with: can adopt a believable adaptation of anyone of them by providing the skill and talent to stand beside them. Then I’d say: Go for it! Who is anyone that could contradict YOU? YOU are the ONLY person in lives in that house: your brain, body.

I Representing distinguished “Career” mothers

Not the ones who decided to stay home, afforded or forced or otherwise.

That is the stereotypical response to when most people think of what the 

term means.  Immediately conjuring up the names from the past, deeply

entrenched in our subconscious and belief system.

YOU CAN. When you determine the qualities and define what a “good relationship” means to you. YOU CAN. Continuously keep in touch whether it is instantaneous via technology like SKYPE or FACETIME (Apple(c) at a mutually agreed schedule or scheduled time. YOU CAN: Express how important this “good relationship” is to you at every opportunity, whether verbally, over the telephone, video, web, email, post, handwritten or printed letter, diagrams, cartoons or poems, including the person who is whom you share this “good relationship” with. [I am answering from the female perspective, uniquely my own opinion]. YOU CAN: Be devout, devoted, moral, demonstrative, philosophically and physically showing your commitment to both the relationship and continuing to be worthy of the relationship. Understanding, you reap what you sow. YOU CAN: Control your own behavior regardless of circumstance or circumstances you find yourself in. Being worthy of that ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Keep in touch steadfastly and faithfully, divulging periods of blackout due to foreseen or surprise. YOU CAN: Hold the same expectations of yourself as you would the other member in the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Withhold from behavior that you would not have should the object of desire or person within the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Resort to inspiration from scripture or literature or art. Be wary of bad habits or undertakings that can deteriorate the eyes of the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: treat your significant being in the ‘good relationship’ no worse than you would your mother, daughter, friend, military team mate. YOU CAN: continue to be the person to whom the ‘good relationship’ was formed from. YOU CAN: go home or wherever said “good relationship” is at every chance you get. YOU CAN: communicate your love, devotion, feelings, missings, musings, fears, desires, goals, ambitions.

YOU CANNOT: control the other person while you are away. They will make their mistakes, face their consequences, commit niceness or nastiness, without you.

 As it should be. I know, easy eh?

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2kh2tqJ

from PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

[stalepotato-blog]

if anybody is actually taking time out of their day to read this stupid blog, let me save you some time.

just stop.     close the tab.    and go on youtube or something.

no but for real tho. just stop and turn around. 

there is nothing interesting on here for you to see. im just writing to myself cause im a loser and im trying to keep a journal of my thoughts on a day to day basis...at least i hope.

my friend told me to start the journal cause she said that it would help me deal with my life and just vent. also i feel like i can sort my feelings out better when i talk about myself.....soooooo yeah. i guess lets start with my past.

im currently 18 years old, im just not going to put my name on here cause what the heck is the point its to myself. but anyway im 18 years old. im korean. i was born in korea but my family and i moved to the states before i was even 1 so i consider myself pretty american....then again i hate the sound of american so i like to call myself korean even though i hate korean culture...you’ll see why later. i grew up in a pretty conservative household..i think? just think of any stereotypical asian household and that would be my own household. its was the usual...no girls, no drugs, no alcohol. i also went to church pretty often and considered myself pretty devout, so i didnt care too much about that stuff anyway.......except for girls. i was horny.

i spent most of my life growing up in southern california about 30 minutes from LA. it was pretty chill. i lived in the suburbs of a pretty safe neighborhood, the cops were so bored all he time that dealing with a car crash probably got them off. i went to elementary school, middle school, and high school all within a 5 mile radius of my house. which was convenient but there was nothing to do besides go to school...and go eat. which i did a lot. which is why im fat. oh. i forgot to describe my appearance. im a guy. 5′ 4′’. chubs. really small eyes. black hair. used to think i had broad shoulders but then one of my friends told me that im playing myself. so i stopped thinking that. 

damn i have hiccups, 

anyway where was I? oh yeah school. uhhhhhh school was alright. was a little rough at first..little kids can be mean lol but i go over it very quickly. i used middle school to try to change myself completely. i stopped crying. i lost some weight. i liked to play basketball and run so i did that a lot with my best friend. oh yeah my best friend. uhhh i met my first really close friend in elementary school. i was tired of kids making fun of me in elementary so put that anger out onto other people... aka my best friend. i bullied him and made fun of his buzz lightyear sweater he liked to wear by pretending that i was buzz lightyear in class. yeah i was a dick i know, but i was in like 5th grade, chill. he is basically everything physically that i am not. he was real lean. athletic and strong but it didnt show too much cause he was thin. oh and he was really tall. think he was like 5′ 8′’ by the end of elementary. he got back at me by making fun of my weight and height, so i consider us pretty even. i dont remember if we ever apologized to each other exactly but we probably did. we’re good now. although we still make fun of each other. its funny. 13 years later, we’re still friends.

at around around the same time i met m other best friend, ahhhh, not sure so much about best anymore but shes close to me and i care about her. i met her in elementary school, but we didnt really talk then, later i found out that she was actually sexist in elementary school and she didnt hang around guys cause well. she hated them? i forget the reason why, she just disliked them. but in middle school she walked every day home with me and my best bud. our houses were pretty close to each other so we it was nice to walk together. at first she avoided us too, but then she started hanging with us two and that was the first time she really talked to guys and had fun so she stuck around. but thats not the only thing. i dont know how to describe her, but she really isnt your normal type of girl. she very quirky. reallllllly short like 4′ 6′’ or something like that, she had really long hair, which i thought was cute..until she chopped it off like halfway through middle school. but at the end of the day. this girl was weird. for example. my and me best bud first noticed that she also walked home a few days into the semester, but when we saw her, she was stealing one of those flowers next to like plaza signs to make them look better? you know what im talking about? my bud and i were walking up to her and she was staring at the flower and she tried to take only one flower but ended up uprooting the whole damn thing. by this time my friend and i had caught up to her and we were just staring at her without saying a word. then this girl breaks the silence by looking at my bud an saying ‘hey. cut this bottle for me yeah?’ then she flashed us a smile and proceeded to pull a 2 liter bottle out of her backpack along with a pair of kitchen scissors out of her backpack....lets just stop there. what. the. heck? i mean like am i weird for thinking thats weird? that pretty weird....anyway she hands off the bottle to my friend and the scissors. and he just looks at me and says okay and cut the bottle in half. she placed the plant into the bottle and then started walking with us. and from tha point on she just kept walking home with us. now as usual, since we were all teens, with the whole puberty and emotions thing going on and also of the opposite gender we eventually liked each other... but in more like of a weird third wheel...ahhh... i dont even want to call it third wheel. it felt like a bicycle or like a motorcycle with one of those side car thingys........... ..... .... its complicated. in case you were wondering i was the extra part.. the extra wheel so to speak. but thatttttttttttttttttttt is a story for another time. maybe my next post. i feel like this post was a bit long but its my first one so what the hell. guesss this is the end..buhbai.

oh and on a side note. what i said earlier on the whole because we of the opposite gender so we started liking each other thing. dont give me any crap about how thats inconsiderate towards gay people and all that. i dont have anything against gay people, but im just trying to describe my own experience of my past without adding politically correct crap and all that social justice comments. i can live without others judging me on my own blog. 

then again. who the hell is going to actually read this. 

[jeannette-marshall-optioneerjm]

PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

Maybe this will be my rantings blog     : 

  Yet that is just what fuels a lot of misconceptions of women in general.  There are a lot of funny references to levels of contribution in the world, like:

* domestic goddess

* Mary Tyler Moore famous role or Donna Reed character from the early years of television (which was invented LONG time before I was born)

* Screen sirens like Marilyn Monroe to wannabes like Madonna and Britney Speers (however you spell that since it confused spell checker, back space, highlight, right click on mouse, then click selection from option or suggestion to go on a bigger digging expedition with Google …. )

* Perky, cute role models like Katie Couric (and I’m Canadian eh?), Maria in The Sound of Music character, Samantha in Betwitched, Olivia Newton John in Grease or whomever you would insert as a name that you relate time for this genre.

The less popular, yet more communicated is the aggressive female executive.

Re: CareerBuilder Job Application : Banking Administrative Assistant

Inbox

x

7:20 AM (10 hours ago)

to me

Hello

Can I confirm you have a valid Canadian securities course?

Best

Michelle

Talent Management Leader

On Dec 15, 2017, at 1:52 PM, Jeannette Marshall via CareerBuilder

  

You have received …. by replying to this email. Your Reference ID for this job is CAN_s.  

 Thank you for your response Michelle.  I appreciate the reaction :o)

No, I did not state in my CV or anywhere having taken the Canadian Securities Course certification, however, I did confirm that I have Canadian (Secret-past and Reliability-now) Securities Status issued by the Canadian government.  To some, that is valuable validation:  me, for one, to indicate that I am an honest person.

Intellectually, I have had to go from a newly hired to jump into one of the most critical portfolios by one of my greatest managers who recognized my strength in my ability to parachute in with both feet landing on the ground:  exuding confidence and expertise, building trust immediate.  I could communicate with executives on a personable level after being kicked out of the nest within only a month of onboarding to attending a festive cocktail….. smoozing with distinguished executives of Canada’s most high-powered, rubbing elbows in a small circle where one woman was engaging support and advice from the other women, pretty oblivious to the aggressive antics of single ladies and young manifico males trouncing on former friends to get ahead:  I could actually contribute.  I had the experience of deciding I would not go back to work fulltime unless my children would have no less care than I, myself, would provide [ aka super woman extraordinaire or Yuppy ] settling with a full time live out nanny to enhance my home, children, spouse, career, employer without any sacrifice other than my pocket book.  

But some days don’t you just wanna send an email response like this?  Instead, we’re required to remain refined and poised when all we want to do is scream!

Speaking of screaming

I jump on Quora fairly infrequently but deciding more recently that I really like the experience there.  Since I have this thirst for knowledge and pursuit of really interesting things.  It allows me to keep the vibe of catching the vibe of what is going on online.

Advice About Coping with and Overcoming Fear

+3

I had a best friend who became my enemy. I don’t think she knows or cares, but after winter I’m afraid I’m going to scream at her in class. What do I say or do to avoid that?

Request▾

Follow2

Comment

Downvote

  You’ve written an answer

You can edit or delete it at any time.

5 Answers

Jeannette Marshall, in order to reinforce my own learnings and leanings, i try to help others

Answered 5h ago

There are a lot of conflicting statements just in the question alone: i.e. best friend and enemy.

The person is not aware of the change in status? We don’t know what was done for the fall from grace, therefore, we cannot understand what takes someone from best friend to evil enemy?

Most highly emotional triggers can be minimized if one examines what the root cause is.

The best advice I would give is suggesting you go for tea, hot chocolate or coffee so that you can find out the former best friend’s defense of the actions that caused her to become your enemy. It would give you a chance to unload what made you so upset. By definition, a best friend is someone who is a trusted confidante – did they betray that trust or do something that crossed them off.

Before you scream at her in class, and you end up looking like the freak, maybe write in a journal on what the offense was, how it made you feel, whether it was an emotional reaction, or if the offense is even realized by the offender.

Granted, there are many things that can happen to cause a falling out. Nobody can help with whether it is justified or not based on your own feelings, nor should anyone.

A “best friend” designation can sometimes be fleeting and evolving continuously. What defines a best friend to you? How many best friends have you had in the past 6 months, year, etc.? What happens to make someone fall out of favor with rapid descent to enemy?

All may be worth consideration and evaluation before you address your feelings and avoid screaming: you screaming will result in poor public image even if it is warranted. Keep that in mind.

And practice the golden rule: treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. Maybe the former best friend has no idea that they offended your values, morals or beliefs … or did something to make you this passionately emotional.

We all face obstacles and offenses, yet how we react is how we are measured. I guess I’m saying: take a deep breath, write it all down, and consider a face to face in a calm and relaxing atmosphere (not while you’re out at the pub having a drink which makes your inhibitions less guarded) and be the bigger person. Bridge understanding and communicate what they did to make you feel the way you do before you have any emotional outburst that would show you in less favorable light, even if the offense is astronomical.

More questions posed to me

and my responses.   An unofficial, non-compensated version of Dear Abby or who is doing that anymore anyhow? (Search and insert information and link] to which I dole out habitually and consistently.  My take on motherhood and what my takeaways are from the experience:

Honestly? Well I want to be a Queen, princess at the very least. With it the responsibility of always being fashionably dressed, impeccable coif, an assistant, a butler, a maid, a financier, at the very least. People curtsy or bowing upon meeting. I would wear gloves to avoid germs, dirt, disease. I am financially reliable since I can provide my own tiara, having a selection of a few. I am humble, I try to help others without any monetary reward. Although, treasuring honesty, admit that I salvitate at the thought of compensation from people reading my gripes, quips, tips, trips posts. I am truly sorry! I got sidetracked, totally disregarding the question. I apologize. Oopsie.

Simply? Go to the Nobel website and determine under which category you feel more aligned with: peace, literature, for examples, then study who have been the most recent recipients that you more closely identify with: can adopt a believable adaptation of anyone of them by providing the skill and talent to stand beside them. Then I’d say: Go for it! Who is anyone that could contradict YOU? YOU are the ONLY person in lives in that house: your brain, body.

I Representing distinguished “Career” mothers

Not the ones who decided to stay home, afforded or forced or otherwise.

That is the stereotypical response to when most people think of what the 

term means.  Immediately conjuring up the names from the past, deeply

entrenched in our subconscious and belief system.

YOU CAN. When you determine the qualities and define what a “good relationship” means to you. YOU CAN. Continuously keep in touch whether it is instantaneous via technology like SKYPE or FACETIME (Apple(c) at a mutually agreed schedule or scheduled time. YOU CAN: Express how important this “good relationship” is to you at every opportunity, whether verbally, over the telephone, video, web, email, post, handwritten or printed letter, diagrams, cartoons or poems, including the person who is whom you share this “good relationship” with. [I am answering from the female perspective, uniquely my own opinion]. YOU CAN: Be devout, devoted, moral, demonstrative, philosophically and physically showing your commitment to both the relationship and continuing to be worthy of the relationship. Understanding, you reap what you sow. YOU CAN: Control your own behavior regardless of circumstance or circumstances you find yourself in. Being worthy of that ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Keep in touch steadfastly and faithfully, divulging periods of blackout due to foreseen or surprise. YOU CAN: Hold the same expectations of yourself as you would the other member in the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Withhold from behavior that you would not have should the object of desire or person within the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Resort to inspiration from scripture or literature or art. Be wary of bad habits or undertakings that can deteriorate the eyes of the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: treat your significant being in the ‘good relationship’ no worse than you would your mother, daughter, friend, military team mate. YOU CAN: continue to be the person to whom the ‘good relationship’ was formed from. YOU CAN: go home or wherever said “good relationship” is at every chance you get. YOU CAN: communicate your love, devotion, feelings, missings, musings, fears, desires, goals, ambitions.

YOU CANNOT: control the other person while you are away. They will make their mistakes, face their consequences, commit niceness or nastiness, without you.

 As it should be. I know, easy eh?

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2kh2tqJ

from PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

[jeannette-marshall-optioneerjm]

PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

Maybe this will be my rantings blog     : 

  Yet that is just what fuels a lot of misconceptions of women in general.  There are a lot of funny references to levels of contribution in the world, like:

* domestic goddess

* Mary Tyler Moore famous role or Donna Reed character from the early years of television (which was invented LONG time before I was born)

* Screen sirens like Marilyn Monroe to wannabes like Madonna and Britney Speers (however you spell that since it confused spell checker, back space, highlight, right click on mouse, then click selection from option or suggestion to go on a bigger digging expedition with Google …. )

* Perky, cute role models like Katie Couric (and I’m Canadian eh?), Maria in The Sound of Music character, Samantha in Betwitched, Olivia Newton John in Grease or whomever you would insert as a name that you relate time for this genre.

The less popular, yet more communicated is the aggressive female executive.

Re: CareerBuilder Job Application : Banking Administrative Assistant

Inbox

x

7:20 AM (10 hours ago)

to me

Hello

Can I confirm you have a valid Canadian securities course?

Best

Michelle

Talent Management Leader

On Dec 15, 2017, at 1:52 PM, Jeannette Marshall via CareerBuilder

  

You have received …. by replying to this email. Your Reference ID for this job is CAN_s.  

 Thank you for your response Michelle.  I appreciate the reaction :o)

No, I did not state in my CV or anywhere having taken the Canadian Securities Course certification, however, I did confirm that I have Canadian (Secret-past and Reliability-now) Securities Status issued by the Canadian government.  To some, that is valuable validation:  me, for one, to indicate that I am an honest person.

Intellectually, I have had to go from a newly hired to jump into one of the most critical portfolios by one of my greatest managers who recognized my strength in my ability to parachute in with both feet landing on the ground:  exuding confidence and expertise, building trust immediate.  I could communicate with executives on a personable level after being kicked out of the nest within only a month of onboarding to attending a festive cocktail….. smoozing with distinguished executives of Canada’s most high-powered, rubbing elbows in a small circle where one woman was engaging support and advice from the other women, pretty oblivious to the aggressive antics of single ladies and young manifico males trouncing on former friends to get ahead:  I could actually contribute.  I had the experience of deciding I would not go back to work fulltime unless my children would have no less care than I, myself, would provide [ aka super woman extraordinaire or Yuppy ] settling with a full time live out nanny to enhance my home, children, spouse, career, employer without any sacrifice other than my pocket book.  

But some days don’t you just wanna send an email response like this?  Instead, we’re required to remain refined and poised when all we want to do is scream!

Speaking of screaming

I jump on Quora fairly infrequently but deciding more recently that I really like the experience there.  Since I have this thirst for knowledge and pursuit of really interesting things.  It allows me to keep the vibe of catching the vibe of what is going on online.

Advice About Coping with and Overcoming Fear

+3

I had a best friend who became my enemy. I don’t think she knows or cares, but after winter I’m afraid I’m going to scream at her in class. What do I say or do to avoid that?

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5 Answers

Jeannette Marshall, in order to reinforce my own learnings and leanings, i try to help others

Answered 5h ago

There are a lot of conflicting statements just in the question alone: i.e. best friend and enemy.

The person is not aware of the change in status? We don’t know what was done for the fall from grace, therefore, we cannot understand what takes someone from best friend to evil enemy?

Most highly emotional triggers can be minimized if one examines what the root cause is.

The best advice I would give is suggesting you go for tea, hot chocolate or coffee so that you can find out the former best friend’s defense of the actions that caused her to become your enemy. It would give you a chance to unload what made you so upset. By definition, a best friend is someone who is a trusted confidante – did they betray that trust or do something that crossed them off.

Before you scream at her in class, and you end up looking like the freak, maybe write in a journal on what the offense was, how it made you feel, whether it was an emotional reaction, or if the offense is even realized by the offender.

Granted, there are many things that can happen to cause a falling out. Nobody can help with whether it is justified or not based on your own feelings, nor should anyone.

A “best friend” designation can sometimes be fleeting and evolving continuously. What defines a best friend to you? How many best friends have you had in the past 6 months, year, etc.? What happens to make someone fall out of favor with rapid descent to enemy?

All may be worth consideration and evaluation before you address your feelings and avoid screaming: you screaming will result in poor public image even if it is warranted. Keep that in mind.

And practice the golden rule: treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. Maybe the former best friend has no idea that they offended your values, morals or beliefs … or did something to make you this passionately emotional.

We all face obstacles and offenses, yet how we react is how we are measured. I guess I’m saying: take a deep breath, write it all down, and consider a face to face in a calm and relaxing atmosphere (not while you’re out at the pub having a drink which makes your inhibitions less guarded) and be the bigger person. Bridge understanding and communicate what they did to make you feel the way you do before you have any emotional outburst that would show you in less favorable light, even if the offense is astronomical.

More questions posed to me

and my responses.   An unofficial, non-compensated version of Dear Abby or who is doing that anymore anyhow? (Search and insert information and link] to which I dole out habitually and consistently.  My take on motherhood and what my takeaways are from the experience:

Honestly? Well I want to be a Queen, princess at the very least. With it the responsibility of always being fashionably dressed, impeccable coif, an assistant, a butler, a maid, a financier, at the very least. People curtsy or bowing upon meeting. I would wear gloves to avoid germs, dirt, disease. I am financially reliable since I can provide my own tiara, having a selection of a few. I am humble, I try to help others without any monetary reward. Although, treasuring honesty, admit that I salvitate at the thought of compensation from people reading my gripes, quips, tips, trips posts. I am truly sorry! I got sidetracked, totally disregarding the question. I apologize. Oopsie.

Simply? Go to the Nobel website and determine under which category you feel more aligned with: peace, literature, for examples, then study who have been the most recent recipients that you more closely identify with: can adopt a believable adaptation of anyone of them by providing the skill and talent to stand beside them. Then I’d say: Go for it! Who is anyone that could contradict YOU? YOU are the ONLY person in lives in that house: your brain, body.

I Representing distinguished “Career” mothers

Not the ones who decided to stay home, afforded or forced or otherwise.

That is the stereotypical response to when most people think of what the 

term means.  Immediately conjuring up the names from the past, deeply

entrenched in our subconscious and belief system.

YOU CAN. When you determine the qualities and define what a “good relationship” means to you. YOU CAN. Continuously keep in touch whether it is instantaneous via technology like SKYPE or FACETIME (Apple(c) at a mutually agreed schedule or scheduled time. YOU CAN: Express how important this “good relationship” is to you at every opportunity, whether verbally, over the telephone, video, web, email, post, handwritten or printed letter, diagrams, cartoons or poems, including the person who is whom you share this “good relationship” with. [I am answering from the female perspective, uniquely my own opinion]. YOU CAN: Be devout, devoted, moral, demonstrative, philosophically and physically showing your commitment to both the relationship and continuing to be worthy of the relationship. Understanding, you reap what you sow. YOU CAN: Control your own behavior regardless of circumstance or circumstances you find yourself in. Being worthy of that ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Keep in touch steadfastly and faithfully, divulging periods of blackout due to foreseen or surprise. YOU CAN: Hold the same expectations of yourself as you would the other member in the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Withhold from behavior that you would not have should the object of desire or person within the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Resort to inspiration from scripture or literature or art. Be wary of bad habits or undertakings that can deteriorate the eyes of the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: treat your significant being in the ‘good relationship’ no worse than you would your mother, daughter, friend, military team mate. YOU CAN: continue to be the person to whom the ‘good relationship’ was formed from. YOU CAN: go home or wherever said “good relationship” is at every chance you get. YOU CAN: communicate your love, devotion, feelings, missings, musings, fears, desires, goals, ambitions.

YOU CANNOT: control the other person while you are away. They will make their mistakes, face their consequences, commit niceness or nastiness, without you.

 As it should be. I know, easy eh?

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2kh2tqJ

from PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

[jeannette-marshall-optioneerjm]

PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

Maybe this will be my rantings blog     : 

  Yet that is just what fuels a lot of misconceptions of women in general.  There are a lot of funny references to levels of contribution in the world, like:

* domestic goddess

* Mary Tyler Moore famous role or Donna Reed character from the early years of television (which was invented LONG time before I was born)

* Screen sirens like Marilyn Monroe to wannabes like Madonna and Britney Speers (however you spell that since it confused spell checker, back space, highlight, right click on mouse, then click selection from option or suggestion to go on a bigger digging expedition with Google …. )

* Perky, cute role models like Katie Couric (and I’m Canadian eh?), Maria in The Sound of Music character, Samantha in Betwitched, Olivia Newton John in Grease or whomever you would insert as a name that you relate time for this genre.

The less popular, yet more communicated is the aggressive female executive.

Re: CareerBuilder Job Application : Banking Administrative Assistant

Inbox

x

7:20 AM (10 hours ago)

to me

Hello

Can I confirm you have a valid Canadian securities course?

Best

Michelle

Talent Management Leader

On Dec 15, 2017, at 1:52 PM, Jeannette Marshall via CareerBuilder

  

You have received …. by replying to this email. Your Reference ID for this job is CAN_s.  

 Thank you for your response Michelle.  I appreciate the reaction :o)

No, I did not state in my CV or anywhere having taken the Canadian Securities Course certification, however, I did confirm that I have Canadian (Secret-past and Reliability-now) Securities Status issued by the Canadian government.  To some, that is valuable validation:  me, for one, to indicate that I am an honest person.

Intellectually, I have had to go from a newly hired to jump into one of the most critical portfolios by one of my greatest managers who recognized my strength in my ability to parachute in with both feet landing on the ground:  exuding confidence and expertise, building trust immediate.  I could communicate with executives on a personable level after being kicked out of the nest within only a month of onboarding to attending a festive cocktail….. smoozing with distinguished executives of Canada’s most high-powered, rubbing elbows in a small circle where one woman was engaging support and advice from the other women, pretty oblivious to the aggressive antics of single ladies and young manifico males trouncing on former friends to get ahead:  I could actually contribute.  I had the experience of deciding I would not go back to work fulltime unless my children would have no less care than I, myself, would provide [ aka super woman extraordinaire or Yuppy ] settling with a full time live out nanny to enhance my home, children, spouse, career, employer without any sacrifice other than my pocket book.  

But some days don’t you just wanna send an email response like this?  Instead, we’re required to remain refined and poised when all we want to do is scream!

Speaking of screaming

I jump on Quora fairly infrequently but deciding more recently that I really like the experience there.  Since I have this thirst for knowledge and pursuit of really interesting things.  It allows me to keep the vibe of catching the vibe of what is going on online.

Advice About Coping with and Overcoming Fear

+3

I had a best friend who became my enemy. I don’t think she knows or cares, but after winter I’m afraid I’m going to scream at her in class. What do I say or do to avoid that?

Request▾

Follow2

Comment

Downvote

  You’ve written an answer

You can edit or delete it at any time.

5 Answers

Jeannette Marshall, in order to reinforce my own learnings and leanings, i try to help others

Answered 5h ago

There are a lot of conflicting statements just in the question alone: i.e. best friend and enemy.

The person is not aware of the change in status? We don’t know what was done for the fall from grace, therefore, we cannot understand what takes someone from best friend to evil enemy?

Most highly emotional triggers can be minimized if one examines what the root cause is.

The best advice I would give is suggesting you go for tea, hot chocolate or coffee so that you can find out the former best friend’s defense of the actions that caused her to become your enemy. It would give you a chance to unload what made you so upset. By definition, a best friend is someone who is a trusted confidante – did they betray that trust or do something that crossed them off.

Before you scream at her in class, and you end up looking like the freak, maybe write in a journal on what the offense was, how it made you feel, whether it was an emotional reaction, or if the offense is even realized by the offender.

Granted, there are many things that can happen to cause a falling out. Nobody can help with whether it is justified or not based on your own feelings, nor should anyone.

A “best friend” designation can sometimes be fleeting and evolving continuously. What defines a best friend to you? How many best friends have you had in the past 6 months, year, etc.? What happens to make someone fall out of favor with rapid descent to enemy?

All may be worth consideration and evaluation before you address your feelings and avoid screaming: you screaming will result in poor public image even if it is warranted. Keep that in mind.

And practice the golden rule: treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. Maybe the former best friend has no idea that they offended your values, morals or beliefs … or did something to make you this passionately emotional.

We all face obstacles and offenses, yet how we react is how we are measured. I guess I’m saying: take a deep breath, write it all down, and consider a face to face in a calm and relaxing atmosphere (not while you’re out at the pub having a drink which makes your inhibitions less guarded) and be the bigger person. Bridge understanding and communicate what they did to make you feel the way you do before you have any emotional outburst that would show you in less favorable light, even if the offense is astronomical.

More questions posed to me

and my responses.   An unofficial, non-compensated version of Dear Abby or who is doing that anymore anyhow? (Search and insert information and link] to which I dole out habitually and consistently.  My take on motherhood and what my takeaways are from the experience:

Honestly? Well I want to be a Queen, princess at the very least. With it the responsibility of always being fashionably dressed, impeccable coif, an assistant, a butler, a maid, a financier, at the very least. People curtsy or bowing upon meeting. I would wear gloves to avoid germs, dirt, disease. I am financially reliable since I can provide my own tiara, having a selection of a few. I am humble, I try to help others without any monetary reward. Although, treasuring honesty, admit that I salvitate at the thought of compensation from people reading my gripes, quips, tips, trips posts. I am truly sorry! I got sidetracked, totally disregarding the question. I apologize. Oopsie.

Simply? Go to the Nobel website and determine under which category you feel more aligned with: peace, literature, for examples, then study who have been the most recent recipients that you more closely identify with: can adopt a believable adaptation of anyone of them by providing the skill and talent to stand beside them. Then I’d say: Go for it! Who is anyone that could contradict YOU? YOU are the ONLY person in lives in that house: your brain, body.

I Representing distinguished “Career” mothers

Not the ones who decided to stay home, afforded or forced or otherwise.

That is the stereotypical response to when most people think of what the 

term means.  Immediately conjuring up the names from the past, deeply

entrenched in our subconscious and belief system.

YOU CAN. When you determine the qualities and define what a “good relationship” means to you. YOU CAN. Continuously keep in touch whether it is instantaneous via technology like SKYPE or FACETIME (Apple(c) at a mutually agreed schedule or scheduled time. YOU CAN: Express how important this “good relationship” is to you at every opportunity, whether verbally, over the telephone, video, web, email, post, handwritten or printed letter, diagrams, cartoons or poems, including the person who is whom you share this “good relationship” with. [I am answering from the female perspective, uniquely my own opinion]. YOU CAN: Be devout, devoted, moral, demonstrative, philosophically and physically showing your commitment to both the relationship and continuing to be worthy of the relationship. Understanding, you reap what you sow. YOU CAN: Control your own behavior regardless of circumstance or circumstances you find yourself in. Being worthy of that ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Keep in touch steadfastly and faithfully, divulging periods of blackout due to foreseen or surprise. YOU CAN: Hold the same expectations of yourself as you would the other member in the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Withhold from behavior that you would not have should the object of desire or person within the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Resort to inspiration from scripture or literature or art. Be wary of bad habits or undertakings that can deteriorate the eyes of the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: treat your significant being in the ‘good relationship’ no worse than you would your mother, daughter, friend, military team mate. YOU CAN: continue to be the person to whom the ‘good relationship’ was formed from. YOU CAN: go home or wherever said “good relationship” is at every chance you get. YOU CAN: communicate your love, devotion, feelings, missings, musings, fears, desires, goals, ambitions.

YOU CANNOT: control the other person while you are away. They will make their mistakes, face their consequences, commit niceness or nastiness, without you.

 As it should be. I know, easy eh?

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2kh2tqJ

from PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

[jeannette-marshall-optioneerjm]

PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!

Maybe this will be my rantings blog     : 

  Yet that is just what fuels a lot of misconceptions of women in general.  There are a lot of funny references to levels of contribution in the world, like:

* domestic goddess

* Mary Tyler Moore famous role or Donna Reed character from the early years of television (which was invented LONG time before I was born)

* Screen sirens like Marilyn Monroe to wannabes like Madonna and Britney Speers (however you spell that since it confused spell checker, back space, highlight, right click on mouse, then click selection from option or suggestion to go on a bigger digging expedition with Google …. )

* Perky, cute role models like Katie Couric (and I’m Canadian eh?), Maria in The Sound of Music character, Samantha in Betwitched, Olivia Newton John in Grease or whomever you would insert as a name that you relate time for this genre.

The less popular, yet more communicated is the aggressive female executive.

Re: CareerBuilder Job Application : Banking Administrative Assistant

Inbox

x

7:20 AM (10 hours ago)

to me

Hello

Can I confirm you have a valid Canadian securities course?

Best

Michelle

Talent Management Leader

On Dec 15, 2017, at 1:52 PM, Jeannette Marshall via CareerBuilder

  

You have received …. by replying to this email. Your Reference ID for this job is CAN_s.  

 Thank you for your response Michelle.  I appreciate the reaction :o)

No, I did not state in my CV or anywhere having taken the Canadian Securities Course certification, however, I did confirm that I have Canadian (Secret-past and Reliability-now) Securities Status issued by the Canadian government.  To some, that is valuable validation:  me, for one, to indicate that I am an honest person.

Intellectually, I have had to go from a newly hired to jump into one of the most critical portfolios by one of my greatest managers who recognized my strength in my ability to parachute in with both feet landing on the ground:  exuding confidence and expertise, building trust immediate.  I could communicate with executives on a personable level after being kicked out of the nest within only a month of onboarding to attending a festive cocktail….. smoozing with distinguished executives of Canada’s most high-powered, rubbing elbows in a small circle where one woman was engaging support and advice from the other women, pretty oblivious to the aggressive antics of single ladies and young manifico males trouncing on former friends to get ahead:  I could actually contribute.  I had the experience of deciding I would not go back to work fulltime unless my children would have no less care than I, myself, would provide [ aka super woman extraordinaire or Yuppy ] settling with a full time live out nanny to enhance my home, children, spouse, career, employer without any sacrifice other than my pocket book.  

But some days don’t you just wanna send an email response like this?  Instead, we’re required to remain refined and poised when all we want to do is scream!

Speaking of screaming

I jump on Quora fairly infrequently but deciding more recently that I really like the experience there.  Since I have this thirst for knowledge and pursuit of really interesting things.  It allows me to keep the vibe of catching the vibe of what is going on online.

Advice About Coping with and Overcoming Fear

+3

I had a best friend who became my enemy. I don’t think she knows or cares, but after winter I’m afraid I’m going to scream at her in class. What do I say or do to avoid that?

Request▾

Follow2

Comment

Downvote

  You’ve written an answer

You can edit or delete it at any time.

5 Answers

Jeannette Marshall, in order to reinforce my own learnings and leanings, i try to help others

Answered 5h ago

There are a lot of conflicting statements just in the question alone: i.e. best friend and enemy.

The person is not aware of the change in status? We don’t know what was done for the fall from grace, therefore, we cannot understand what takes someone from best friend to evil enemy?

Most highly emotional triggers can be minimized if one examines what the root cause is.

The best advice I would give is suggesting you go for tea, hot chocolate or coffee so that you can find out the former best friend’s defense of the actions that caused her to become your enemy. It would give you a chance to unload what made you so upset. By definition, a best friend is someone who is a trusted confidante – did they betray that trust or do something that crossed them off.

Before you scream at her in class, and you end up looking like the freak, maybe write in a journal on what the offense was, how it made you feel, whether it was an emotional reaction, or if the offense is even realized by the offender.

Granted, there are many things that can happen to cause a falling out. Nobody can help with whether it is justified or not based on your own feelings, nor should anyone.

A “best friend” designation can sometimes be fleeting and evolving continuously. What defines a best friend to you? How many best friends have you had in the past 6 months, year, etc.? What happens to make someone fall out of favor with rapid descent to enemy?

All may be worth consideration and evaluation before you address your feelings and avoid screaming: you screaming will result in poor public image even if it is warranted. Keep that in mind.

And practice the golden rule: treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself. Maybe the former best friend has no idea that they offended your values, morals or beliefs … or did something to make you this passionately emotional.

We all face obstacles and offenses, yet how we react is how we are measured. I guess I’m saying: take a deep breath, write it all down, and consider a face to face in a calm and relaxing atmosphere (not while you’re out at the pub having a drink which makes your inhibitions less guarded) and be the bigger person. Bridge understanding and communicate what they did to make you feel the way you do before you have any emotional outburst that would show you in less favorable light, even if the offense is astronomical.

More questions posed to me

and my responses.   An unofficial, non-compensated version of Dear Abby or who is doing that anymore anyhow? (Search and insert information and link] to which I dole out habitually and consistently.  My take on motherhood and what my takeaways are from the experience:

Honestly? Well I want to be a Queen, princess at the very least. With it the responsibility of always being fashionably dressed, impeccable coif, an assistant, a butler, a maid, a financier, at the very least. People curtsy or bowing upon meeting. I would wear gloves to avoid germs, dirt, disease. I am financially reliable since I can provide my own tiara, having a selection of a few. I am humble, I try to help others without any monetary reward. Although, treasuring honesty, admit that I salvitate at the thought of compensation from people reading my gripes, quips, tips, trips posts. I am truly sorry! I got sidetracked, totally disregarding the question. I apologize. Oopsie.

Simply? Go to the Nobel website and determine under which category you feel more aligned with: peace, literature, for examples, then study who have been the most recent recipients that you more closely identify with: can adopt a believable adaptation of anyone of them by providing the skill and talent to stand beside them. Then I’d say: Go for it! Who is anyone that could contradict YOU? YOU are the ONLY person in lives in that house: your brain, body.

I Representing distinguished “Career” mothers

Not the ones who decided to stay home, afforded or forced or otherwise.

That is the stereotypical response to when most people think of what the 

term means.  Immediately conjuring up the names from the past, deeply

entrenched in our subconscious and belief system.

YOU CAN. When you determine the qualities and define what a “good relationship” means to you. YOU CAN. Continuously keep in touch whether it is instantaneous via technology like SKYPE or FACETIME (Apple(c) at a mutually agreed schedule or scheduled time. YOU CAN: Express how important this “good relationship” is to you at every opportunity, whether verbally, over the telephone, video, web, email, post, handwritten or printed letter, diagrams, cartoons or poems, including the person who is whom you share this “good relationship” with. [I am answering from the female perspective, uniquely my own opinion]. YOU CAN: Be devout, devoted, moral, demonstrative, philosophically and physically showing your commitment to both the relationship and continuing to be worthy of the relationship. Understanding, you reap what you sow. YOU CAN: Control your own behavior regardless of circumstance or circumstances you find yourself in. Being worthy of that ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Keep in touch steadfastly and faithfully, divulging periods of blackout due to foreseen or surprise. YOU CAN: Hold the same expectations of yourself as you would the other member in the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Withhold from behavior that you would not have should the object of desire or person within the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: Resort to inspiration from scripture or literature or art. Be wary of bad habits or undertakings that can deteriorate the eyes of the ‘good relationship’. YOU CAN: treat your significant being in the ‘good relationship’ no worse than you would your mother, daughter, friend, military team mate. YOU CAN: continue to be the person to whom the ‘good relationship’ was formed from. YOU CAN: go home or wherever said “good relationship” is at every chance you get. YOU CAN: communicate your love, devotion, feelings, missings, musings, fears, desires, goals, ambitions.

YOU CANNOT: control the other person while you are away. They will make their mistakes, face their consequences, commit niceness or nastiness, without you.

 As it should be. I know, easy eh?

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2kh2tqJ

from PA-LEASE [ #PLEASE ] GIVE ME A BREAK!