#context is for the weak

[lauralot89]

More actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel without context, as people kept pointing out things I'd missed:

The entire plot happens because Dracula is a teaboo

A character proposes marriage with a scalpel in hand and keeps playing with it throughout the conversation

Dracula roasts a chicken

A vampire bat (not a vampire) somehow drinks enough of a horse's blood to cause the horse to collapse

Dracula gets smacked in the face with a shovel

After attributing nightmares to paprika consumption, a character eats more paprika for breakfast

The heroes hire a locksmith to make their home invasion look more respectable

To prepare for raiding a vampire's lair, one character brings three small dogs

A character laments being unable to wed multiple people at once

A therapist starts speculating about elephants' souls mid-session

An official cause of death is written as "misadventure in falling from bed"

Dracula has a Krampus-esque sack that he shoves children into

A character realizes that his host has no reflection but is more concerned with shaving than investigating that

A reporter brags about his running speed mid-article

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, goes by the incredibly subtle alias "de Ville"

A character is misled by phonetic spelling

A character receives three marriage proposals in one day

The SPCA tries to adopt Dracula

A doctor refers to a patient as his "pet lunatic"

We are told vampires can be defeated by putting branches on their coffins

A character gets slashed at with a knife and loot splatters on the floor, like a video game NPC

Dracula is a horsegirl

A character brings anti-vampire flowers but doesn't tell anyone the purpose of said anti-vampire flowers, which leads to another character moving them and enabling a vampire attack

A character's hair turns from dark to white literally overnight

Twice in the novel, Dracula says "Bah!" The second time is his final line of dialogue

There's a deleted scene of Dracula lying on top of the protagonist and licking him for hours

[unbroken-teacup]

Look guys he called him perfect

ignore the context

[sl-walker]

Booster's Creator Has a Thing: A Visual Essay

Dan. Dan, can we talk about this. Dan.

Welp.

[smuellll]

Since my other homestar thing semi blew up I have to upload this whole segment because it also kills me

[a-book-of-creatures]

For all we know, at this very moment hundreds of young women all over the country may be in the process of being turned into lobsters.

— P. G. Wodehouse

[kn96artworks]

horni doods fo today

[cameron-possibly]

if i’m bored and have no reception, i make these stupid things with the dnd characters

[blue-is-a-dork]

Them!

I felt like drawing something Robstar and then this happened

[masterj]

Emery teasing Wilson about going to the Repair Shed be like:

Context here:

[dead-dove-orchid]

🍃

[zippyskyfalls]

Flower Penelope watching her ancestor talk to Sonic.exe is so cool

[tinkertoysdamn]

Phrase I wasn’t expecting to hear from my husband today: “Homophobic bees.”

[cuddelsthecute]

I CANNOT GO INTO MY KITCHEN WITHOUT BEING STARED DOWN BY A BITCHASS SMOLIV

THIS ISNT A “what if pokemon are real” POST THERE IS A STUFFED SMOLIV IN MY KITCHEN AND I WANT TO PUNCH IT

[smuellll]

continuing homestar runnage with this classic tune

When I was like 13 I recreated the limozeen space machine in Minecraft and it’s my proudest achievement

[icespur]

P5R Third Semester Incorrect Quotes

Maruki: I just ended a four year relationship. Shibusawa: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Maruki: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship. *Akechi and Akiren fighting from across the room*

[lastweeksshirttonight]

Hello fan! :)

(9/11/2006)