#create models of ed and stede

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

Stede doesn’t abandon community…

The pirate cultures of Zheng, Low, and Blackbeard (plus Izzy’s brief stint) all work via closed systems. Closed systems control by a specific set of top-down rules with little acceptance for spontaneity or individuality. Systems external to the unit are viewed with suspicion and resisted (Izzy’s resistance to Stede’s way; Zheng’s ‘join us or die’). It’s not surprising. They all likely grew up in closed family systems and replicate that in their adulthood through the culture of the ships they run. It also just… makes sense. It’s how countries are run, empires. People at the top create the rules, everyone else obeys or else.

Which is what makes Stede’s way so unique.

He does something amazing. Something entirely different it seems without reference or blueprint other than having a Big Think About It.

Because Stede absolutely grew up in a closed-family system. There was no room to be anyone other than his father’s replicant. And when that clearly wasn’t going to be the case, he is abused for not conforming, letting the side down. He also lives in a society which is a closed system - white patriarchal hegemony - and finds himself bullied as a child, and then trapped as an adult, within its tight behaviour rules.

And then he asks ‘What if it weren’t like that?’

When Ed first lands on the Revenge, and sees this ‘bunch of wild characters on the high seas’, he is struck by their lack of conformity. Sure, everyone appears to be wearing rope (hyperbole), but it’s not a directive, it’s idiosyncrasy.

However such behaviour coupled with spontaneity cannot be comprehended or tolerated by Izzy - the poster boy for closed-family systems - and he perceives it as an existential threat. Ed though catches the bug immediately with his joy at Stede’s curios and ‘Wanna do something weird?’ Yet some days even Ed can’t keep up. There are few rules. Just decide on a whim we’re going on a treasure hunt. Everyone’s just wandering around doing their own thing that day…

This is what open family looks like. Members are interdependent, but each able to maintain their own identities, and explore who they are. Stede never gets involved in the minutiae of interpersonal relationships on the ship. And the crew have a voice, but there is also accountability. Stede chastises in-fighting amongst the crew, and redirects or models a better way. It’s sometimes flawed, but it’s never punitive and there’s a culture of forgiveness.

Just look what Stede gave to the crew of the Revenge, even in his absence…

At the end of season 2, Stede doesn’t abandon the crew. In an open family you can leave and still be part of a wider community. Despite physical separation, Ed and Stede are still part of that community because they choose to be, and because they live by the same philosophies. This is what an open family looks like. The crew leave via their own agency, but take Stede’s ethos with them. And it’s not a dogmatic ethos. It’s a living, fluid thing. Stede has given his crew the tools to build their own community their own way.

Here’s the thing about closed families - you can never leave. Or be different. Or assert your own needs. It’s viewed as betrayal. I wonder if that’s what’s upsetting some people into thinking the crew of the Revenge have been abandoned, because they think community is about physical distance. You can be abandoned by people in very close-proximity - Ed learned that the hard way via Izzy.

Stede hasn’t abandoned anyone. In the very first episode he talks about helping the crew grow as people. They have grown to the point where they don’t need him in the same way as before. He basically says Here, take my ship as yours, and go live what I taught you. That’s not abandonment, that’s empowerment.

[adickaboutspoons]

I object to the term "whim"

In episodes 4 and 5 of the second season, there's a lot of throwing around of the word "whim." Ed and Stede both argue that they were just a whim to the other, Stede concludes they they are both "whim-prone" and that whim-prone people shouldn't run off to China together, and Ed cites their "whim-prone"ness as a reason to take things slow as they start to rebuild their relationship.

And I know we all like to joke about U-Haul failboats in love, but they aren't whim-prone. That's not what's going on here.

The first time on the show that we hear the word "whim" is in s1e4, when Izzy says "For years, I've followed your every whim, I've managed your increasingly erratic moods, I've massaged this crew when they were worried about your judgment." But from what we see of Izzy's interactions with the crew, he's not a massager, he's a sledgehammer, and the crew respect Blackbeard a hell of a lot more than they respect Izzy. Ed's moods don't read as "erratic" at all if you pay attention to what he's responding to; he's an emotional guy, for sure, but mostly even-keeled until highly provoked. And as for "following [his] every whim," Izzy can barely follow orders as given - committing insubordination at least twice that we see; not telling Stede that it was Blackbeard that wanted to meet him in s1e3, and flat-out ignoring Ed's "we're not doing this" in s1e6 when he challenges Stede to the duel. So I don't see Izzy as a reliable narrator when he suggests Ed is "whim-prone" - it might look like that to him because he doesn't try to understand Ed on his own terms, but it is v. much a construction that Izzy is imposing on Ed; not an objective character trait Ed possesses. After all, you don't get a reputation for being "history's most brilliant tactician" if you're not, at the heart of it all, a planner.

Stede is also a planner. Mary accuses Stede of abandoning his family on a whim, but that's also inaccurate. Thanks to all the hard work @nicnacsnonsense did in her marvelous 1st season timeline video, we know that SIX MONTHS elapsed between Stede proposing with his model boat that they go to sea at the anniversary debacle and the night of Mary's apology when Stede had already committed to actually leaving. That's not a whim - that's plenty of time for serious deliberation. It LOOKED like a whim from the outside because of their disastrous communication failures, but that doesn't make it true. Unabandoning his family was not a whim either - Chauncy was the catalyst, but only because he created a high-pressure situation that validated all of the insecurities we'd seen Stede struggling with all season; guilt over abandoning his family, and his crater-bottom self-esteem that the people he loved were better off without him. Even in season 2, we see more of this long-game behavior, where Stede takes his drudge job in towels and elevates it by applying scent; a move that LOOKS whim-prone from the outside, but primes him for success when it comes time to escape, because it means he knows the guards are used to deeply inhaling the scent of the fresh towels he gives them, and is thus he is able to trick them into chloroforming themselves.

There are times in the 1st season where it might LOOK like they are being whim-prone, but for the most part, those things are mostly time-critical circumstances . The impulsive decision to go to the French Party Boat? The invitation was for that night, so it's not like another opportunity like that was just going to come along. Stede's impromptu Fuckery? He'd JUST been introduced to the concept that morning, and the ships on which he wanted to try it out were three days away. If you'll recall, Ed actually tries to talk him out of going through with it with such a short turn-around time, and likely would have succeeded if Izzy hadn't interveined to further his "Kill Stede Now" agenda. The Treasure hunt? Stede was anxiously scrabbling for ANYTHING to keep Ed's attention (AFTER he confirmed there were no oranges for sale, not even for ready money) because Ed said that his plans for the day included "planning for the next adventure" and leaving. Act of Grace? Signing away ten years of your life for a man you've known for a month IS a lot, but the alternative was letting Stede be executed. Running away together? I'll give you that China was quite the absurd swing, but they WERE in jail for all intents and purposes - no sense staying longer than absolutely necessary, and there theoretically could have been time for re-working the plan once they were just away had circumstances not arisen.

So while I think it's fair to call the boys whimsical with their love of dress-up and lovely perfumed things and theatrics and tasty sugary treats, I wouldn't say whim-prone is an accurate descriptor (and the fact that they are accepting that it is makes my heart crack wide open for them, because it's evidence that they're still both uncritically absorbing the labels applied to them by people who don't really understand them at all), nor the problem they need to address.

Their real problem is actually the exact opposite of flitting from whim to whim; that, once they've committed to something, they are all in, 100% ride-or-die. It's why Ed resigned himself to going down with the ship when it turned out he'd miscalculated the date instead of trying any evasive maneuvers with the fog to give them cover. It's why, when Stede didn't show at the docks, Ed went full pillow fort until Lucius was able to talk him around into life going on without Stede. It's why Stede threw himself into trying to be all the things he thought he'd failed to be as a husband and father when he came back to his family, and was committed to staying, even though it was making him miserable, until Mary tried to murder him.

Ultimately, the solution for both these conditions is the same - slowing down. But it's not a matter of making sure this is serious and not just a whim for either of them; it's a matter of taking the time to understand exactly what it is that you're committing to. So I object to the term "whim."

[camillescreations]

I just need to talk about how much I adore Stede, especially in these new episodes. Yes, he's made mistakes, yes he's flawed, yes he can be a total bitch. But he's, in my eyes, just a really kind and sweet man, who's doing his best. Some of the things he's done have been undesirable, sure, but he is a traumatized and deeply insecure person who is just trying to find his place in the world. He's just trying to find something that makes him happy, that makes him feel fulfilled. Isn't that all anyone is after?

And then he finds that place on his ship with his crew. And Ed finds him and he falls in love for the first time. He meets someone he can share his life with. Someone he can laugh with, that loves him unconditionally and actually openly cares about his silly model ship and two chandeliers and his secret rooms. And that's all he wanted, really, on top of feeling like he belongs. And then he leaves because he feels like that was all in his head, that Ed couldnt possibly be happier with him around. The growth really starts to happen when he resolves the complicated family situation he created and sets out to find the love of his life. He spends the first episodes talking about finding Ed nonstop, taking whatever awful situations he was forced to be in if it meant it would bring him closer to reuniting with him.

Stede has grown so much since last season. He gives Lucius pretty solid advice all while admitting how much he messed up, and he always tries to keep a positive attitude for his crew (family), because he knows their situation sucks and he's trying to make the best of it. Because that's what Stede does, he hopes. And then he FINALLY gets back to the Revenge, only to find it in absolute ruins. His baby is destroyed, and he knows, deep down, who did it. And we know that hurts him. But that doesn't stop him from welcoming Blackbeard's group back with a smile on his face, asking for them to give him a straight answer as to where Ed is, because that's all he's thought about for months.

And then he sees the truth: Ed has been killed by his crew. Ed's body is there, clear as day, hidden away in the bowels of the Revenge. They lied to him. They killed his love, his reason for going back to sea, the person who has consumed his every waking thought, who has been in his dreams every night. Ed is gone; it was all for nothing.

But Stede doesn't scream. He doesn't shut down. He doesn't resort to violence or retaliation against his crew. Even when Izzy directly confronts him, he still doesn't take the bait. No, once he is shown the truth and realizes that there's no more talking it through with Zheng, that his crew will be killed unless something is done, this beautiful man sucks it up and formulates a very solid plan of escape. And he does it on his own!

Even though he knows that he's escaping to the Revenge, his home that won't feel like home anymore because Ed isn't there, he does it anyway, to keep the people he loves safe. Even Izzy, whom he absolutely loathes at this point in time. Stede never let his love for Edward or his grief overtake his love for his crew and his desire to get back the family he once had, all back on his beloved ship.

And it's only after they were all safe that he let himself grieve, going to visit Ed's body and lamenting about how he thinks he messed everything up. And it's such a beautiful moment when he grabs Ed's hand and realizes that his love isn't gone, that he still has hope. Ugh the man is just so wonderful.

I'm so excited to see how Stede grows as a person and a leader this season. He's already shown great strides in his character development. And Rhys Darby's acting is phenomenal. I loved every moment he was on screen. Especially when Stede was in anguish, and his more serious moments. I can't wait to see what the season has in store for my favorite guy!!!

[xoxoemynn]

lol I started this the morning before we got word of the teaser and then PROMPTLY forgot about it. But here we go! I was tagged by @oatmilktruther, @bizarrelittlemew, @ghostalservice and @petrichorca, who are all equally amazing as people as they are writers. 💖

Rules: Share the first lines of your ten most recent fics and tag ten people.

The day began, as they always did, with a kiss. (all of these lines across my face) The infamous Grief Fic™, post-canon, Ed and Stede are in their 80s, I promise it is more uplifting than it sounds. I'm very proud of this one, but please mind the tags.

Dear Tooth Fairy, My name is the Swede and I am 42 years old. (A Fairy Tale) Ed is history's greatest tooth fairy, Stede is an eccentric flower fairy, and they have a magical adventure on the wings of my personal favorite OC, Arthur the rosy maple moth. Potentially the cutest thing I've ever written.

"Bye, Bonnet!" (Here's to the Night) It's Y2K, and Stede is stuck at the office making sure his father's company doesn't collapse at midnight, and Ed is the sexy IT consultant who calls him every 30 mins to flirt I mean, check in on things. There's romance. There's silliness. There's heavy 90s nostalgia. No Neopets were harmed in the creation of this fic.

There’s nothing Edward Teach loves more than a big, beautiful clock. (Clock Strikes One) Unhinged, clock-themed porn, this time with spanking. It's both filthy and educational! It's the follow up to Witness Marks, and there will be more.

It’s been four days since the former crew of the Revenge reappeared, and Ed’s hiding in his cabin. (Choose Your Own Adventure: Reunion!) By far the COOLEST fandom project I've ever been a part of! So many writers and artists took part in creating this, and it is magnificent. If you haven't found all paths yet, here's your reminder to do so. There's something for everybody.

There was something to be said for being married to one of the world's most sought-after fashion designers. (Pretty and Stiddies and Gay!) Inspired by this incredible art by @buumbaby. Ed and Stede are ridiculously in love and have hot sex, including once in public while Stede's in a gorgeous evening gown.

Stede sat on a bench in the lobby area of the office building and took a hearty sip of his very berry smoothie. (A Day in the Life of Model Employee S. Bonnet) Stede is the world's worst postal worker, who blows off his job to flirt with famed hair model Edward Teach. Possibly my favorite Stede I've ever written.

Loudly did the muses sing of the sea god Edward and his mortal lover, Stede. (forever is our today (who waits forever anyway)) What it says on the tin. Ed and Stede are cursed for defying the gods' orders to part ways. I'm really proud of how this one turned out. Like, really proud.

"Maaaa." (To Get to the Other Side) Short, sweet, silly, smutty.

There's a moment when you're deep into a long drive when your mind begins to wander. (Where the Daylight Begins) My baby. My child. My pfp. My 115K magical realism modern AU that was heavily influenced by The House in the Cerulean Sea. I hope it leaves you feeling like you've been wrapped up in a big gay hug.

Not tagging anyone because this has been sitting in my drafts for so long I'm certain everyone has already done it, but if not, consider this your tag. 💕

[myrmeraki]

time for me to speak on OFMD ep 9 and the Act Of Grace bit! cause oh boy oh boy i love the golden age of piracy!!

so the Act of Grace was a real thing, an act passed by the king that any pirate wishing to give themselves up *within the year* would be forgiven and pressed into privateering instead. (i believe it was september 1717-1718?) and many pirates, including those like stede bonnet and jack rackham, took the pardons and then quickly said “fuck no” and turned back to piracy.

in real life both stede bonnet and blackbeard sought out pardons and later turned to piracy. as the story goes blackbeard sent stede out to receive his pardon and then left with his ship, marooning a lot of his crew on a nearby island (starting to sound familiar?). blackbeard went into privateering but by the end of the summer was fully back to pirating. i think stede did the same? anyway they don’t see each other again, but i have no doubt that will change in the show.

the idea however of time-based pardons and the mutability of ones role in opposed societies is one that a lot of pirate media plays with. and in OFMD i think its a very real allegory for self-acceptance and brings to light the ways stede and ed operate as characters and how they change.

for ed this is partially liberating and partially suffocating. this is a choice to follow the man he loves into change side by side, leaving behind quite literally the image of blackbeard. this is about “what ed wants”. at the same time he can’t be happy here, under control, and as soon as he thinks stede reciprocates his feelings he’s all right with leaving. assimilating into society was only ever a lesser of two evils in order to stay with stede.

for stede himself, it’s like being thrust back into a nightmare. it forces him to reconcile with who he is as a person, if he has both abandoned his family and life as a society man as well as his life as a pirate captain. he has hurt people as a society man, he has hurt people as a pirate, and so he sees any happiness as unjust. for stede this doesn’t open up his options so much as tell him exactly how he has to suffer given that he doesn’t fit in Anywhere.

the pardoning it is an opportunity to be fully accepted into society, with the price of fighting it’s war of course, along with written abandonment of your former self. you sign away our name and admit that you were wrong, everything about who you are is not as it should be, and you must change to be assimilated. you leave and deplore place where gay men can live lives in partnership and a nonbinary person can interact with their gender purposefully.

piracy exists as a very real and viable life-model that creates structure around gender and sexuality that directly opposes the cisgender and heterosexual form of life in society. taking those pardons even if they eventually abandon them means a real reckoning with existence in opposition to heterosexual norms. its about what happens when ed and stede are confronted with who they are, who they have been, and what they want. and when they both are on different paths and pass each other like speeding ships in the night, its about how that breaks them.

[ileolai]

thinking about Ed and all his shiny eyed optimism that he and Stede can run away together and start a totally new life with zero ties to the old one and his general frantic attempts to escape his past

and these lines from Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma i.e. my favourite fanfic ever it’s incredible go read it. anyway

Trauma survivors often find themselves stuck in an in-between space, an uncomfortable gap between what was and what now is. Trauma survivors want to return to the old world, to the world they had lived in before the trauma. They want to return to that feeling of innocence and safety, that feeling of naivete, before they learned just how cruel and senseless this world could be. Trauma survivors, often, also want to shed that old world like dead skin, to reject it and move on from it, to create for themselves some brand new life, some thoroughly new world completely divorced from the one they previously knew.

They can’t. They can’t do either. You can’t return to the world that was, but you also can’t create the world anew. You can’t ignore the reality of what happened, of what you lost, of how much you care about what was lost. You can’t. This final task of grieving, this fourth task of locating a meaningful path forward, requires that path to stay within that in-between space, that space in which memories of what was can be wedded to hopes and dreams for the future. It requires learning how to be comfortable with both what was and what can be, rejecting neither but accepting both. It is only in that in-between space, between the world that was lost and the dream of a world created wholly anew, that trauma survivors can come to accept their feelings of grief.

Ed is in the in-between space and as yet cannot reconcile either his childhood trauma or his own past crimes with a happy future and the person he wants to be, which causes him to vacillate between despair and rage

and it’s easier to blame and be angry at Stede as if Stede had been manipulating him all along than it is to deal with that

have further thoughts on Stede in this regard but my head hurts so maybe i’ll come back to it later

[lady-divine-writes]

Our Flag Means Death - “A Love that Stings and One that Stains” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Stede Bonnet is so different from Blackbeard, and so full of surprises. But Stede Bonnet and Edward Teach are more similar than either man realizes. (1520 words)

Notes: I really didn't know where to put this timeline-wise, so I am putting it post-canon, with the assumption that everything is more or less hunky-dory and Lucius is still alive, scribing his little heart out.

Read on AO3.

Ed watches Stede, wide-eyed with awe, as the man works. He'd been helping Stede finish up by zesting an orange, but when he saw Stede topping the cake, he stopped and stared. It wasn't Stede baking a pound cake that fascinated Ed. It was Stede's attention to detail.

Stede wasn't sculpting a schooner out of buttercream or anything of the sort. He had concocted a simple icing out of sugar and water. But instead of spreading it on thick with a knife the way Roach would have, Stede took his time, spooning up dollops, then drizzling it on top.

But his technique required such thought, such precision. Hold the spoon too high, and the icing would be too thin. Too low, and it would be too thick. Tilt the spoon too far, and the icing would run too fast. Too shallow, and it would rain down in large drops.

It was so simple and yet complex, much like the man himself.

Ed didn't know how many of these cakes Stede had made in his lifetime, but he had it down pat.

As much as Ed is confident that he could open up his own restaurant to glowing success, he isn't sure he could pull this off. It required patience that Ed didn't have, wouldn't have in a thousand years. Which is saying something since Ed could wait out a foe with the best of them.

What Stede had accomplished with flour, butter, and eggs was a far cry from beating the shit out of a snake and tossing it on a campfire.

Maybe they could open Blackbeard's Bar and Grill together. (Stede did admit this was the only cake he could competently make, but a voracious reader like Stede should be able to learn new recipes in no time.) Edward could be the head chef, with a rustic, devil-may-care flair, and Stede, the suave pastry chef with a talent for creating the sort of hoity-toity desserts covered in flowers and candies and gold sparkles that the wealthy dish out exorbitantly for.

Ed should plant the seeds of that idea around the deck tonight, see what ends up in Stede's journal by morning.

"That is an incredible talent right there," Ed says under his breath as if he doesn't intend Stede to hear.

Stede's cheeks go pink high on his cheekbones, difficult to see in the diffused light of the galley. "Why, thank you."

Ed's eyes follow the mesmerizing sway of Stede's wrist, his hand flicking smoothly like a calligrapher, signing his name with a flourish.

Or a master swordsman.

Stede has been improving swiftly with a sword. Who knew? The man may best Ed one day.

He was full of surprises.

"Good idea replacing the oranges with marmalade," Ed says.

"Well, we don't need any more teeth falling out on this ship, do we?"

"How did you learn to do that?"

"Mary taught me," Stede says with pride in retrospect. "It's a bride's cake. We made it every year on our anniversary. After the kids came along, they joined in, too."

Edward nods. He doesn't know much about Stede's life before he chose to leave everything behind and become a pirate. They haven't properly sat down, gotten drunk, and had it out - the whole story from birth to present. Stede lets snippets slip from time to time. Each one fascinates Ed, the way Stede's curio of models and knick-knacks had.

More clues into the mind of a singular individual.

Stede's hand stills, his brow wrinkling in consideration. "Sometimes. It had its moments."  I had my moments , he thinks with regret. It's but a passing sting. He truly believes his family is happier now that he's gone - financially taken care of and in better hands. Stede has a new family now. His crew could never replace his children, and yet he prefers this. He has a family he has chosen. Still, there are days when the venom of his choices fills his stomach till he thinks he'll drown. "I miss their voices. I miss the laughter. I miss their enthusiasm when they saw me." He looks at Edward and smiles wistfully. "I miss playing pirates. You know, it's much different when it's just a game."

Stede continues to drizzle, but his hand starts to shake. Not enough to make a difference in the lay of the icing, or for a casual onlooker to notice unless they focused on the turn of Stede's wrist or the pinch of his fingers as hard as Ed.

"Do you miss it? Being a husband and a father?"

Edward chortles. "I bet it is."

Stede twirls the spoon between his fingers, stopping the final drops of icing from falling before they pool and soak his crumb. He sets the utensil aside and sighs. "I miss their hugs most of all."

Ed's eyebrows shoot towards his hairline. "Hugs, huh?"

"Yes." Stede snatches a cloth off the table and wipes his hands. They don't need cleaning. He didn't touch the icing. But this conversation requires he do something to keep occupied. He finds it a hefty task to talk about this and remain still. "I don't consider myself an affectionate man. I have upbringing to thank for that, I suppose. It's a sin when you have children. But I do enjoy a good hug from time to time. And children, well... they do give the best hugs."

"How is that?"

"They hug with their whole selves. And they hold on tight, like they have no intention of letting go. Hugs between adults, even husbands and wives, can be so polite. So formal. But children don't know the meanings of those words."

Edward has no children (that he knows of), but he can conceive of such a hug. The last person to give him a hug - an honest, loving hug - was his mother. He doesn't think he's had one since, but her hugs left their mark. When he closes his eyes in the dark and quiet of his room, or above deck, with nothing but the sea spray to keep him company, he can feel her thin arms around him, squeezing him.

Comforting him.

Trying her best to protect him, even when she couldn't protect herself.

Edward had hugged Stede once... sort of. It was more along the lines of a celebratory grab. He'd convinced himself that he would have done the same to any member of the crew that had been in arm's reach, but that wasn't true.

He'd held Stede because he'd wanted to hold Stede.

"So, you're a man who likes a fine fabric, expensive marmalade, and hugs."

"I would say that's an accurate assessment, yes," Stede says, oblivious to what Ed is really asking. "And you? Are you fond of a good hug? Or are you more the handshake sort?"

"That depends."

"Hmm." Stede lets the conversation fade into silence, and Edward nearly cracks. There's a procedure to these things. An order. Edward's response had been purposefully vague. Stede should have asked, "Depends on what?" but he didn't.

Instead, he left Edward hanging.

Edward should have picked the conversation back up. He should have asked for permission. He knows that. Blackbeard wasn't in the habit of asking for things he wanted, but Edward Teach...

Edward should have asked.

But asking is the farthest thing from his mind when he wraps his arms around Stede's body and holds the man against him. It's not a  want  at this point.

It's a need.

His body needs it.

He's starved for it.

And he suspects Stede is, too.

"Oh..." Stede squeaks, startled by Edward invading his personal space, but surrendering immediately. Probably not a good look for a pirate captain - instant surrender. But they  are  co-captains. That blurs the line considerably. "Well... yes, I... hmm..."

Ed breathes Stede in deep, burying his nose into the crook of his neck, and Stede stops his muttering.  This is actually quite lovely , he thinks as Ed melts against him, curls around him, surrounding him like armor.

Stede breathes Ed in, too. He smells of gunpowder and whiskey - two scents that weren't his favorites when he'd started his journey. But recently, they bring to mind one nebulous concept.

Home .

Strong hands find his shoulders and grip on tight, latching protectively while also seeking security. The pungent smell of citrus hits Stede's nose, and he chuckles.

"Do you... still have orange on your hands?"

"I think I might, yes," Ed mumbles.

"Do you know how much of a beast it is to get orange zest out of silk?" Stede asks with a nervous tremor and no conviction. He's not angry about his shirt. It's only that his belly full of venom tends to turn into butterflies when Ed's around.

"Not at all," Edward admits, resting his cheek against Stede's. "Can you give us a few more minutes, mate, and then you can show me?"

Stede runs a hand up Edward's spine, bringing it to rest on the back of his neck. He smiles against Ed's skin, beyond happy at this point.

He's content.

"Of course. Whatever you want."

[nicnacsnonsense]

I posted 734 times in 2022

That's 137 more posts than 2021!

427 posts created (58%)

307 posts reblogged (42%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nicnacsnonsense

@ymfingsteadilyon

@chocolatepot

@scribeofpnakotis

@poetic----nonsense

I tagged 659 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#ofmd - 365 posts

#stede bonnet - 233 posts

#edward teach - 111 posts

#izzy hands - 58 posts

#gentlebeard - 49 posts

#blackbonnet - 46 posts

#mary bonnet - 44 posts

#atlok - 25 posts

#the legend of korra - 24 posts

#lucius spriggs - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and i think we’re all agreed that either those historical expectations don’t apply in ofmd or they do but stede’s largely oblivious to them

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I wonder if Ed’s repeated instances of overlooking Stede’s hints at his trauma and emotional turmoil is because when the conversation moves in that direction, Stede switches communications styles.

90% of the time, Stede’s communication style is pretty direct and explicit. Stede means exactly what he says, and if there is something he means, then by golly he’s going to say it. Stede is really out here just saying shit like it’s nothing; telling Blackbeard to suck eggs in hell, calling Izzy a complete asshole right to his face, and telling Ed he’s a good man who wears fine things well. Absent any other pressures this appears to be Stede’s preferred communication style.

Except when he gets to talking about his own hurt, where suddenly he’s all cautious forays and gentle implications. This is obviously a pretty deeply-set trauma response from having been bullied and harassed his whole life anytime he showed softness or vulnerability. This means now Stede is super careful about who he lets see that vulnerability and even if he is confident that someone is a safe person he has to fight past that learned response which can be extremely difficult if he’s not given an explicit invitation to share.

Of course, Ed doesn’t know Stede has this trauma response because he doesn’t know Stede has any significant amounts of trauma. He probably just sees Stede being completely out there about everything else and figures that nah, if there was something really wrong, Stede definitely would’ve said something.

899 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

#4

Less of Ed swooning over bearded, plainly dressed Stede, and more of Ed going, damn, I must love him if I still want to fuck him while he’s dressed up like that. More of the Ed who heard about the fancy man in pristine white stockings and lavender velvet breeches and ordered his men to drop everything and follow that ship. More of the Ed who damn near fainted when Stede expertly folded his silk pocket square and told him he wore fine things well. More of an Ed who has always had a thing for a man in lace and frills and had never been much attracted to any kind of rugged manly look even before years of only really socially interacting with other pirates left him sick to death of it.

965 notes - Posted August 26, 2022

#3

When Ed asks Stede to teach him the ways of an aristocrat, he doesn’t really want to be an aristocrat (as he will discover in episode 5). What he really wants, what he’s really asking for, is “teach me how to let myself enjoy the finer things, how to embrace the things that being me joy.”

Likewise, when Stede says he wants to be like Blackbeard, it isn’t really about being a pirate. What he’s asking for is “teach me how to be someone people respect and like, how to be able to walk into a room and have people be excited to see me.”

And the real trick of it is, the solutions to both those things are exactly the same. Find someone who understands you and loves you for being exactly who you are.

1,372 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#2

OFMD AU where:

Mary does not hate the ocean

She doesn’t like the ocean either, you understand, but she doesn’t hate it.

When Stede gifts her the model ship she’s just like, fine, you know what, sure let’s do it. She is ready to try literally anything at this point

She does have one condition: if Stede gets to live out his dream life at sea, she wants to explore her passion for painting and hire an instructor to come on board with them. Stede happily agrees. Enter Doug.

Revenge was Stede’s dream name for a pirate ship, but that seems inappropriate for a family vessel, so he goes with his second choice, Royal James.

The Royal James has the same crew as the Revenge does in canon. Stede is not aware when he hires them they are pirates. They are not aware that Stede isn’t a pirate. This causes some confusion when Stede shows up to take command with his wife, their kids, and her painting instructor in tow. Ultimately, Lucius manages to suss out what’s going on and the crew elects to keep the whole being pirates thing on the down low for the moment.

Stede reads his kids a bedtime story every night. After about the first week he notices that the crew is always conspicuously hanging about while this is happening, and story time gets moved up to the deck. Pretty soon everyone starts showing up for story time, even Mary and Doug.

The crew does discuss the possibility of mutiny once. Oluwande is against it; he didn’t become a pirate by choice and he’s not giving up a respectable job with kind employers who pay well to go back to it. Wee John expresses concern for the children if they mutiny. The Swede insists that of course they wouldn’t hurt the children but Wee John is still concerned that the whole thing might be traumatizing for them or something. At that point Jim stands up and leaves, making it clear they do not support any mutiny. The idea fizzle out pretty quickly after that.

There is one aspect of a pirate’s life at least some of the crew would be reluctant to give up, but over the course of a couple of careful conversations across a few different days, Lucius is able to confirm that Mary & Stede don’t have any problem with any of the crew being gay. Stede is especially supportive. Huge ally, Stede. Because even though he’s not gay, he’s for sure interested in women, he absolutely could see why a man might be attracted to another man. Men are very attractive creatures! Even though, again, he personally prefers women. Lucius decides to leave that one to work itself out.

Louis adores Karl. Accordingly Buttons, who is Karl’s friend and can even talk to him, becomes Louis’s new hero.

Mary and Stede decided against bringing an official tutor on board for the children. Instead Lucius helps with their reading & writing and Mary and Stede split any other subjects between them. One day as Stede is teaching the kids math, he sees Frenchie kinda leaning over trying to watch and Stede invites him to join the lesson as well. Soon after everyone in the crew is invited to join in on any of the lessons Stede is giving that they want to. Not everyone is interested and no one is interested in everything, but he does have some takers. Mary is pretty skeptical at first, but Doug convinces her it’s a good idea and she ends up opening up her lessons as well.

The crew also teach the kids things. Practical things about sailing and maintaining a ship, of course, but also things about their own unique interests and skills. Roach teaches them about cooking, Black Pete how to whittle, Frenchie and playing music, etc. Mary does have to put her foot down when Jim starts teaching Alma how to throw knives. Even Stede backs her up on that one.

Miraculously, this harebrained scheme of Stede’s appears to be working? The kids are certainly having fun and Stede… Mary had known he was miserable before, obviously, but she had never fully appreciated what a stunted shell of a person he’d been worn down to until now. Because now he’s thriving, he’s happy and full of life and actually seems to fill up the space he’s taking now. Mary still isn’t in love with him, she never will be, but she doesn’t hate him any more either. She thinks they may be friends now.

Mary is really blossoming too. Not hating her husband has lifted a huge weight off of her, and exploring her passion for painting has really allowed her to find herself. And then there’s Doug, who is so sweet and so supportive. He really understands her, and she’s so happy having him around.

They encounter a Spanish vessel and are boarded under suspicion of being pirates. Unfortunately the Spaniards do not speak ecclesiastical Latin, but fortunately Olu does speak Spanish pretty well.

Not that well.

Jim ends up having to out themself — first as not a mute, and then just goes all in with not a man as well — but they are able to convince the Spanish that they aren’t pirates. Good. However, the Spanish captain is a total asshole and stabs Stede in the gut as they’re leaving just because he can. Less good.

Roach does what he can to treat Stede, but says it’s really bad, and they need to put into port as soon as possible.

The closest port is Nassau, aka the Republic of Pirates. Mary is initially against going there, figuring the next closest port would be less risky for everyone, including Stede, even if it’s further away. The entire crew ends up outing themselves as (former) pirates to convince her they can handle Nassau and everything will be fine.

Everything is not fine.

Blackbeard is also stopped at the Republic of Pirates at the moment and he takes an instant shine to Stede…’s ship. Definitely the ship. He decides to take the Royal James and add it to his flotilla, but that does leave the problem of the Bonnet family. He can’t kill them; he doesn’t kill kids unless they’re, like, really bad kids. He’s not a bloody monster. But just leaving them at Nassau is probably as good as a death sentence for this lot. So he decides to let them stay on the ship until he can drop them off at a different port. In fact, he’s feeling generous, so as long as they don’t make too much trouble he’ll sail them back home to Barbados even.

Mary and the kids will be staying on the Royal James, but not Stede. Stede is going to be brought aboard Ed’s ship, Queen Anne’s Revenge, as further insurance of good behavior. And Stede will be staying in the captain’s quarters with Ed because of… reasons. Very good reasons Ed doesn’t feel like sharing at the moment.

Oluwande and Jim also switch over to Queen Anne’s Revenge so Stede has some friendly faces to watch out for him. Black Pete really wanted to go over to Blackbeard’s ship as well, but Lucius felt he was most needed with the kids, and as much as Pete wanted to join Blackbeard, he wanted to stay with Lucius more. Awwww.

In exchange for Stede, Olu, and Jim, Ed sends Izzy, Fang, and Ivan over to the Royal James, with Izzy intended to be the new captain.

Izzy is a terrible captain, and everybody hates him.

Still, a standard throwing-him-overboard mutiny seems a bad idea with Blackbeard right there. Instead Mary and Lucius tag team him with a combo of girl power and bitch energy. Toxically masculine toxic bottom Izzy completely buckles under the pressure of that much fem dom.

Mary is the captain now.

Izzy runs crying to daddy, but Ed just finds the whole thing hilarious. Mary agrees to give up the Royal James upon reaching Barbados and to stay with the flotilla until then to protect Stede’s safety, but refuses to directly engage in pirate activity to protect the safety of her children. Ed finds those terms agreeable and Mary is allowed to stay captain. This is the last straw for Izzy and he leaves in an absolute snit. All that settled, they sail onward.

And onward.

See the full post

2,654 notes - Posted April 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Thinking about Stede and how he’s concerned about his crew being potentially traumatized by violence and how encouraging and supportive he is of their creative endeavors and how he stood up for Ed against a room full of passive aggressive bullies and how he stood up for Buttons and Karl (RIP) against Jack being a violent bully and how he sat there with Ed as he was having a breakdown in that tub and reassured him that he was a good person and that Stede was his friend, and thinking about that one post that says something like you grow up to be the hero that wasn’t there to save you, and I’m just having a moment here, okay.

2,676 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[shot-in-the-sky]

To clarify, what I am saying is not that the characters are not traumatised it is that the show would be better if they created more of the internal conflicts of the show from Ed's action at the end of season 1, and those conflicts continued after he forgave Stede. If I am being honest and not just writing something short and sweet for Tumblr, I do think you have some really valid points. I just personally would have enjoyed the season more if they had explored more of the impact Blackbeard's actions had on the crew because I feel like once Ed forgives Stede, the crew automatically forgive Ed, except Lucius, who then gets told he is selfish for not moving on. I don't want them to not forgive Ed; I just want to see it happen more naturally over more time. I know that's hard with a shorter season, and it's easy to backseat showrun, but it is what it is.

On the other side of things, for me personally and obvs, it's cool if it's different for other people, but the show isn't modelling forgiveness for me. The queer rep is fantastic, and pirates are fun, but I am not taking life lessons from it cause, damn, those guys are really, really not dealing with trauma very well, and Stede never asked Ed about the many attempted murders ever, which is not what I want in a friend.

They may be pirates, but they have normal human feelings, and I want things to be more complex than "Well, no one has ever apologised to me before, so Ed's non-apology is good enough". Let them be angry is me saying Ed and Stede both need to ask for forgiveness before it is granted and need to work for it. They need to make amends not just to each other and themselves but to the people who you described as being unable to tolerate the mere suggestion that they were owed a better life. They are never going to believe they are owed a better life if the guy who tried to kill them never properly apologised for it, and that is treated like it is good enough. Frenchie locks all his trauma in a box in his head, and that just isn't dealt with at all; it never has any long-term consequences.

Honestly, I can talk about what I did and didn't like about season 2 for hours. I am not someone who is saying they hated it or will never watch the show again. I really like the crew and want to see more of them, and I hope there is another season so that I can. At the end of the day it's chill if you disagree with me and like the way this stuff is being dealt with in the show, even people who agree with me will have slightly different opinions and reflections.

Let the crew be angry and traumatised challenge. Let them have negative feelings or well any feelings after episode 5.

[vampyrfagg]

ok back on my ofmd thoughts im sorry if u dont like it just unfollow me or smth idc

part of the Big Issues that i at least personally have with hamilton is that it glorifies and romanticises the establishing of a government that is violently racist even today. both the real blackbeard + stede were individuals with nowhere near as much political weight as the characters in hamilton. yes they were incredibly awful people but i do think that:

hamilton makes light of an institution that continues to be violently racist to this day by telling the story of The Real hamilton but he raps now

ofmd makes light of two slaveowners by creating fictional characters that are based on them. said characters are shown to be pretty morally abhorrent and their actions aren’t glorified.

i do think that viewers with poor media literacy (which, considering that a certain portion of them are also marvel fans, is going to be a fair few/lh) are going to see stede and ed being protagonists and decide that they are therefore Pure and Good and Moral Role Models but that is. decidedly not how good fiction works

i personally (!!!) found the most enjoyable part of ofmd to be that almost all of the characters are at the very least not great people ! it’s a comedy for gods sake nobodies saying ‘look at these guys u should be just like them’

[downstarr]

A Pirate’s Life For Us - Our Flag Means Death

My hypothetical S2. Ongoing fic on Wattpad. Click here to read more and follow for updates.

-----

Ed had just burned it all down. All of it. He had tried to stay the man he had become, but he couldn’t do it. He may have hated his old self, but it had kept him alive for a very long time. It protected him - and his heart. And now that his heart was broken, the urge to crawl back into that ugly, spiked suit of armor was far too strong.

But the psychic damage of pulling that ugly mask on him was intense. He could only hold it in the presence of others. Alone, like he was now, it all fell down.

He’d run out of tears some time ago and now sat numb in the bathtub of the captains’ quarters, face streaked with kohl from darkened eyes and painted beard. Blackbeard had always been a mask, an artifice - but now he had to reapply it every morning - to cover up the man love had revealed.

There was no going back to wearing the armor of Blackbeard full-time.

Not since he met a funny little man named Stede Bonnet.

Ed reached out and wrapped his fingers around a bar of lavender soap. Its surface was cracked, but it smelled earthy and just a little musky. And just past it, a tiny toy model of the ship, designed for a child to play with in the bath.

The sense memory hit him like a bag of bricks.

—

“Stede. Uh. Stede?”

“You alright in there, Ed?”

“Yeah. Well. No. I mean…”

“Do…do you want me to come in?”

“...I think you better.”

Stede very slowly opened the door to the bathroom. Or rather, he opened it a little, then closed it again, then shyly opened it a little more and poked his head in. “Ed? Oh my.”

Ed was in the tub. Stede had shown him how to fill it and about the various soaps and left him to it. Somehow, the pirate had managed to create a massive pile of suds that completely enveloped him and spilled out onto the floor. He was nothing but a bearded face in a mountain of white. “There were no bubbles. And then there were. Well, there were a lot of them.”

“I can see that.” Mirth danced in Stede’s eyes as he looked at Ed, enveloped as he was in a soapy cloud. His face was just about the only thing sticking out as the suds piled high and spilled over onto the floor. He slowly made his way into the room, slipping a bit as his elegant shoes hit a bit of soap. “That’s all right. Easy mistake to make.”

Stede picked his way carefully over to the other man and reached up to sweep the suds away from his head. He pushed a handful out the porthole. It floated out and he heard a shout from Frenchie. “Sorry! Fair warning though. More coming.” He giggled a little, then shouted, “SUDS AHOY!” and then scooped another armful out the window.

The crew gave a chorus of confused and delighted sounds.

“There, see? Your mistake brought a little bit of delight to the crew. So it’s not all bad, right?”

Ed shifted, now a bit more unearthed from his soapy prison. “I guess so. Now that I’m not breathing in bubbles, it’s kind of nice. Like swimming in a small bucket. On a ship. In the ocean. Which…doesn’t make sense. Why wash on a boat when you can wash in the ocean? But I guess you don’t get this in the ocean.” He grabbed a handful of suds and blew on them. The first attempt was nothing more than a sputter, but the second pushed bits into the air.  

“Well, I suppose there’s sea foam.”

“But that smells…”

“...smells bad, yes,” said Stede in near-unison with Ed. “Certainly no good for getting clean, or relaxing for that matter.”

“I found this when I was getting in.” Ed’s hand emerged from the water with a tiny little toy replica of the Revenge .

Stede twitched a little, his face knotting in a slightly pained expression. “Ah, yes. I had that made for my children. When I thought they might be joining me on this little adventure.” His voice took on a melancholy, guilt-tinged sort of quality - one Ed had heard before when he spoke of his family.

Ed looked at Stede for a moment. He hated seeing the other man with that haunted look on his face. It was so much more delightful to see the childish glee or the shy little grin. As far as he was concerned, Stede Bonnet deserved only to experience things that made him smile.

So Ed slid back into the pile of suds that remained, taking the little ship with him. “Stede, hey Stede. Look.” And then he shot one tattooed arm out of the soap mountain and undulated it. “It’s the Kraken. Coming for the Revenge… ” He wiggled his arm towards his other hand and snatched up the little ship, then started tossing it back and forth, slapping it against the surface of the bathwater.

It was an absolutely ridiculous sight. But it had the desired effect of making Stede laugh. He moved closer to the bath and then scooped the soap back from Ed’s face. “But look, it’s not the Kraken at all! It’s Ed.”

“No it’s not! It is I, the Kraken!” Ed tried to sink back into the foam, but thanks to the suds tossed out the window and the ones now tipped onto the floor, he had less and less to disappear into. Now both arms wiggled back and forth in his impression of tentacles.

“Well, would the fearsome Kraken like me to wash his hair?”

Ed stopped gesticulating and instead studied the details of the tiny toy ship. “I already got it wet. That’s it, right?”

“Well, yes. But if you want a deep clean, there’s a little bit more to it. May I?”

Ed nodded.

Stede dragged over a stool and sat on it. Then he reached for a small pitcher and scooped the water over Ed’s head, sending rivulets of warm, soapy water over the long salt and pepper lengths.

Ed immediately closed his eyes and shuddered a little as the warm water trickled over his scalp and down the back of his neck.

Stede dipped his hands into the water by his shoulder and lathered up a bar of lavender soap. He then started working it into the pirate’s hair, massaging along his scalp and the back of his neck. He grabbed handfuls of his hair and rung it out, then slid the bar along its lengths. Soon, all he could smell was heat and lavender and soap, and the subtle, earthy cologne that Stede sprayed on his clothing to keep them fresh.

Ed had never felt more luxurious in his life. He melted into the warm, soapy water and occasionally opened one eye to see Stede taking his job of hair washing very seriously.

Then Stede reached for a pitcher of fresh water. “A warning,” he mumbled, “This is going to be a bit chilly.”

And then cool water trickled over his scalp and down into the bathwater. He felt currents of cold cutting through the warm, trickling along his body to his toes.

Ed arched his back. Stede poured more.

Then Stede meticulously and gently started to squeeze out his hair. Then, he began to section it. Before he realized what was happening, the aristocrat was plaiting his long hair. He opened his mouth to ask him where he learned that, but then he looked at the small toy ship he still held. His daughter. He must have done this to his daughter’s hair. He didn’t want to ask for fear of breaking the mood.

“There you are,” said Stede quietly. “Take your time, but give yourself a good scrub and rinse before you get out. When you’re ready, I’ll make us a cup of tea.”

Ed grinned warmly at Stede, now mostly extricated from bubble mountain, with hair neatly tied back. “Thanks, mate,” he murmured.

“No worries. Ah…”

The bubbles had dissipated enough that more of Ed was becoming visible by the moment. That fact was turning Stede’s cheeks slowly red.

“I’ll…leave you to it, then.”

Ed grinned at Stede, and shifted a little deliberately to the point where he was sure that the other man had to see something.

Stede pinkened, did a little piroutte on the spot, and exited the bathroom.

—

“Boss.”

Izzy Hands rapped on the door to the bathroom where Ed was once again steeped in the bathtub.

But there was no water. No suds.

No Stede.

Without him, the tub felt more like a coffin.

Ed had been in there for hours now. Night had fallen and a cool sea breeze drifted in from the porthole.

“Go away, Izzy,” croaked Ed.

“We’re almost at port. It should be a good place to recruit new crew. A proper one this time. Not a bunch of pansies who want to talk about their bloody feelings and do arts and crafts,” sneered Izzy from beyond the door.

Ed looked down at his hand. He opened it. In it was a tiny little toy model of the Revenge. He had been holding it so tightly that it had made indents in his hand.

I’m not the Kraken.

He heard Stede’s laughter. He smelled the lavender soap and the man’s fingers running along his scalp.

Not.

“Boss,” Izzy rapped on the door.

“Fuck off,” Ed growled.

He grabbed hold of the nearest object, which happened to be a small glass bottle, and threw it at the door. It shattered.

Immediately, the entire room smelled like Stede.

It was the man’s cologne.

You’re not the Kraken.You’re Ed.

Ed started to hyperventilate. He felt a wave of sadness cresting and colliding with a deep, stomach-pit rage.

But that scent, and that tiny toy ship grounded him. The monster inside him receded, its tentacles slipping back below the surface.

“I’m not the Kraken,” he whispered to himself. “With or without you, I’m not the Kraken.”  He looked at the tiny ship again, then sat up and held it with both hands. He then set it gently on a shelf over the bath and slowly peeled himself out of the bathtub.

He stretched upright, loosening kinks that had built up along his body from hours in the tub.

Ed stood, weaving with the sway of the ship. And then, he stepped forward. There was work to be done.

Read Chapter 2

[minibagelqueen]

An AU fic idea swirling around my head. Stede inherited a tailor shop and through years of hard work has created a fashion empire with his crew. He insists on using real people to model his clothes and one day in walks Ed: the owner of a Security firm who is bored with life.

Ed: You don't think it's a bit... Loud for me?

Stede: Oh Ed, a lion has to roar

Through ups, downs, misunderstandings and outside interference they stumble towards each other.

But as Stede is hopeless in saying what he feels he shows it through his needle work, gifting a one of a kind scarf made with pieces inspired by "all of the parts of you."

How is Ed supposed to NOT fall for that? (instead of the depression robe, he has a depression scarf 😭)

[notcuddles]

Yessssss this. He so clearly has that mantra because he wants to create a space where it's safe to talk, because he grew up in a place where his feelings were disrespected and ridiculed. Stede's a very gregarious person but the people around him tend to dismiss his feelings a lot rather than engaging with them.

When he tries (clumsily and thoughtlessly) to explain his feelings about their marriage to Mary by showing her the model of the boat...it starts a fight. Of course in this case, it's because he approached the entire issue all wrong because he couldn't articulate what his actual problem was, but it really drives home that when he's feeling uncertain or upset, he's not allowed to share those feelings.

Likewise, when he and Ed are speaking about their feelings and have their first kiss, I think it is VERY telling that both of them speak in the third person while doing so. They're both trying to distance themselves from the things they're confessing, unable to fully inhabit the idea of being in love with each other. The feelings are genuine, but I don't think either of them knows what those feelings mean for their future or how to exist in the world as people who have come to care for and depend on each other in such a deep way.

Certainly Stede isn't - he's already having some complicated emotions about the way Ed has been acting and then his encounter with Badminton just confirms all his worst fears. And again there's no space for Stede to voice his uncertainty because Ed has swung round into Captain Mode (which we know is a protective behavior for HIM) and he's so used to just planning everything and having everyone follow his lead that he doesn't pick up on Stede's hesitation at all.

In both cases, it's not that any person is right or wrong, it's just that the people involved have failed to communicate fully and their subsequent choices reflect that failure. It's honestly one of my favorite parts of the show because it's such a real and genuine depiction of the way miscommunication can happen between people, even when they don't mean to hurt each other.

Oh nothing just thinking about how Stede’s mantra is “Talk it through as a crew” even though he didn’t talk to his family or Ed before leaving.

[our-flag-means-death-ao3feed]

Lavender Milk Tea (SMAU)

by kaeruhime8

Premise: Ed and Stede meet on a photoshoot in London. Ed is a model and is the face of a Vivienne Westwood jewel campaign. He’s been doing that for some time after having been scouted in the street for his looks. It’s fun, but he thirsts for something more.

Stede is a fashion photographer working his last gig. He wanted to go out with a bang, so working for such an iconic brand as VW really is the dream. But he is tired of the moving around, the instability, not seeing his friends and family. He feels like drowning.

They are both the same age as in the show, and thoroughly bored with their lives. As in any classic romantic comedy, it’s also love at first sight, although that concept might elude them at first… trouble and challenges ensue.

There’ll be courting, pining, a bit of drama but all around will be a feelgood silly little romance. All characters from the show will appear.

As for CW: recreational alcohol use, probably sex and making out, a bit of angst thrown in for good measure, but I really want to create something disgustingly sweet and feel good so no violence planned for now but will warn if any of that changes 🖤

Words: 3089, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Lavender Milk Tea

Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, M/M

Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Lucius Spriggs, Black Pete (Our Flag Means Death), Israel Hands, Fang (Our Flag Means Death), Roach (Our Flag Means Death), Frenchie (Our Flag Means Death), Wee John Feeney, Jim Jimenez, Oluwande Boodhari, Mary Allamby Bonnet, Doug (Our Flag Means Death)

Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Black Pete/Lucius Spriggs, Fang/Lucius Spriggs, Mary Allamby Bonnet/Doug, Oluwande Boodhari/Jim Jimenez, Israel Hands/Roach (Our Flag Means Death), room people - Relationship

Additional Tags: The opposite of a slow burn, these idiots are down so bad for each other, Minor Angst, Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Smut, idk comment if you think of any tags i should add, Romantic Comedy, alternative universe, romcom

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/41709069

[nvr-pass]

[image description: a PowerPoint presentation with 15 slides, all with black comic sans bullet points on white background.

Title slide: "[large font] our flag means death [end large font] as explained by me, a person who hasn't seen a single episode but has looked at tumblr over the past few weeks"

Slide:"This is Stede Bonnet". a picture of stede on the deck of his ship. the bullet points read: He starts the series by getting married to a woman named Mary, because it's the 1700s and he has to. But he wanted to marry for love and he's gay so he and Mary hate each other. They have kids? I think? Mary likes painting and he's a dick about it; he likes making little boat models and she makes fun of it. Anyway he runs away to become a pirate but he's a pathetic wet towel of a man so his idea of being a pirate is creating like a luxury boat with a library and a walk-in closet. And he has a crew made up of a bunch of weirdos he found and as far as I can tell he basically is like their soft-hearted babysitter. I think his ship is called "The Revenge". At some point he sets some aristocrats on fire and he says "passive aggressiveness" /end bullet points

Slide:"In like episode 4 or 5 they meet Blackbeard". a picture of blackbeard. the bullet points read: It's Taika Waititi! The guy who did Jojo Rabbit. His red name is Edward Teach. He's a big scary bad sexy pirate I guess, and we know this because he wears leather and has tattoos and loves to be stabbed. He finds Stede after Stede was stabbed and he says, "The gentleman pirate, I presume?" Then he lovingly nurses him back to health and then they switch clothes, I don't know why, I think because Taika thought it was funny. Blackbeard thinks Stede is really silly and cute for being an idiot so he decides they're going to be best friends now. So they combine their crews into one big ship. Blackbeard has a crew of really cool badass pirates, so now they have a mixed crew of weird losers and sexy badasses? Ed & Stede are love interests and that's basically the plot of the show is them having a rom-com /end bullet points

Slide:"JIM!!! I haven't seen the show but they're everything to me". a picture of jim with their arms crossed, looking at their grandmother. the bullet points read: Jim is one of the crew members from the sexy badass side. obviously. They're nonbinary and everybody respects them and fears them. Sometimes they have a beard (like one made out of hair, not like Mary Bonnet). At the beginning I think they couldn't talk but now they can. Their grandma wants them to do revenge? They are very secretive but they say they're "normal secretive" at some point. Their love interest is Olu /end bullet points

Slide:"Olu". a picture of Oluwand and Jim. the bullet points read: See, it's Jim's love interest. He's a sweetie pie. He one of the guys that DIDN'T want to kill Stede at the beginning because Stede reads the crew bedtime stories and he likes bedtime stories. Jim leaves at some point and he's really sad ☹ but then Jim comes back and he's happy! :D and they kiss. That's all I know. Wait I totally forgot he gets elected captain after stede and Ed break up at the end. /end bullet points

Slide:"This fucking guy". a picture of Lucius. the bullet points read: His name is Lucius. He's gay and he's kind of bitchy? His job is to stand in the background and make bitchy comments when Stede and Blackbeard are looking into each other's eyes. Also he says "I've decided to carry myself like I'm cute" and you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid". He has a love interest named Black Pete, Black Pete is white. He tells it like it is. He dies at the end (killed for telling it like it is) but it's ambiguous so everyone thinks he's probably fine. /end bullet points

Slide:"Israel "Izzy" Hands". a picture of Izzy. the bullet points read: He's a little bitch. He wants to fuck Blackbeard. I can't imagine this is a quote from the show but I've seen a number of people say that he thinks Blackbeard is his "leather daddy dom top" ????? Basically he thinks that piracy should be about violence and murder and he fucking HATES Stede because Stede is, as aforementioned, an idiot. Also he's mean to Stede's crew because he makes them "do work" at their "job". Revealing myself as "person who knows Taika Waititi from What We be in the Shadows, not just Jojo Rabbit like I pretended" but supposedly he's like Guillermo in the episode with Gail in What We Do in the Shadows. There's a scene where Blackbeard tries to strangle him and he gets off on it? He eats his own toe and I'm pretty sure it's a BDSM thing. /end bullet points

Slide:"Oh my God this is happening". a picture of Stede picking food out of Ed's beard. the bullet points read: In episode 7 or something, the whole crew goes on a little day trip to an island. ...Jim meets their grandma there I think. Lucius has to accompany Ed and Stede so he can make bitchy little comments obviously. Ed and Stede sit on a log to eat lunch and daydream together about opening a restaurant, and then Stede picks some food out of Ed's beard. Then Lucius says "Oh my God this is happening". Apparently that's the most important scene in the fucking show? /end bullet points

Slide:"Frenchie". a picture of Frenchie saying "Bit of fanfiction...". the bullet points read: I like him. He believes in crystals and he thinks cats are witches. Hence why he sews a cat on his pirate flag during the arts and crafts contest. He invents fanfiction and pyramid schemes. /end bullet points

Slide:"The rom-con shit". a picture of Ed and Stede after they have just kissed. the bullet points read: These two fall in love. As you can see Blackbeard's beard is gone because it represents his heartless pirate self. The concept is that Ed promised to teach Stede how to actually be a pirate, if Stede taught Ed how to be a gentleman. Basically because Ed found out that he likes fancy shit so he wants to know how to be fancy. They have lots of fun together being silly so they fall in love and kiss. Stede fully doesn't realize that kissing somebody and confessing that they make you happy ate, has anything to do with romance though? He’s just like "normal best bros behavior"? At one point Ed makes Stede stab him and it's a metaphor for sex and Izzy's forced to hear it and be jealous. They make plans to meet somewhere and elope? /end bullet points

Slide:"The breakup: Stede's part". a picture of Mary hugging Stede. the bullet points read: I have no idea why, but Stede flakes out on the planned meeting with Ed and goes back to his wife. His wife, Mary, is probably one of the coolest characters. She resents him for most of the show because she's a woman in the 1700s and he's a shitty husband. She starts Ikea club for,widows who hated their husbands, after she pretended to everyone that he died at sea. And she got a new man too, I think he's like their stable hand? But then Stede comes back "from the dead" so she fully plans to kill him in his sleep. He finds out and they sit and chat and she's like "look I don't really HATE-hate you, its just that I'm a woman in the 1700s and I found a new man and I'm in love with him because (insert speech about love)". Stede is like "wait that's what love is? OK uhh I also found a new man”. So she helps him fake his death by releasing a tiger and dropping a piano on him. He gets on a rowboat and evidently he's going to row his way through the ocean back to his boyfriend. /end bullet points

Slide:"The breakup: Ed's part". a picture of blackbeards flag. it shows a skeleton with horns holding a cup and a spear pointed at a bleading heart. the bullet points read: Ed meanwhile decides to get into bed and cry and eat chocolates. Lucius stands in the background to make bitchy comments, good job Lucius. He wears this pink robe thing to be sad in. Then Izzy shit-talks him and that's the part where Ed strangles him and Izzy gets off on it. After that, he decides to paint on a beard made of makeup so that he can look edgy again and go back to being heartless. To really show how heartless he is, he makes a new flag with a skeleton stabbing a heart. To show that he's over it and he's normal now. I *am* a lesbian but I can admit when a guy looks hot and Taika Waititi really is serving the hell out of some looks with that makeup beard thingy. /end bullet points

Slide:"Spanish Jackie". a picture of Spanish Jackie and Geraldo. the bullet points read: I don't know what her relation to the plot is. She's here to be sexy basically. Look at her. It's Leslie Jones. Look at her outfit oh my god. She has 18 husbands. And 1 wife (me)/end bullet points

Slide:"David Jenkins". a picture of David Jenkins. the bullet points read: This is the guy who made the show. His main passion in life is gay rights. Apparently Blackbeard’s flag really was, or legendarily was, a skeleton stabbing a heart, and that just sounded really rom-com-y to him. He goes on Twitter and makes lots of comments about how the show is a romance. Apparently people are calling it a "buddy comedy" even though the two guys kissed and said they were in love, so he's just devoting a lot of energy to being very clear on the romance aspect. Taika Waititi said that this guy "just wants to piss off homophobic historians". /end bullet points

Slide:"That's it". the bullet points read: "What the fuck, why even watch the show at this point when you know the entire story?" I want to know what Spanish Jackie's deal is. Just wanted to say to my followers, I'm sorry about what I did to you all with What We Do in the Shadows, because now you all did it back to me with this show, and now I know the whole plot of a show I haven't EVEN SEEEN!!! It does look really good and funny though. I wish I had seen it in television form instead of gif form. I'm gonna see it in television form now that I'm done with this PowerPoint. /end bullet points

/end id]

We’ve lost the art of Tumblr Comic Sans PowerPoints explaining a show from the point of view of someone who’s never seen it

so as promised, Our Flag Means Death, everything I’ve learned against my will from Tumblr: