#cuddleswithphan fics

[cuddleswithphan]

The Glue Fic - Phanfic

Exactly what it sounds like. | smut | disclaimer: this is all in good fun and just a crazy idea i came up with. please don’t take this seriously.

Dan couldn’t help but be curious.

He had heard Phil recording this video in his bedroom, but hadn’t actually seen him make the glitter-filled and sticky mess that was his new ball of slime. Wonder how much Phil is gonna fuck this up. He thought, but with a sense of fondness even in his mind.

He began watching the video, with his laptop propped up by his legs in his normal sitting position. The video began just like any other AmazingPhil video, but something at around a minute and fourteen seconds caught his attention. He felt as though Phil was speaking directly to him, despite it being something that millions of people could see.

“I always had a dream of when I became an adult just buying some of this and just covering my body in it and slowly peeling it off. Is that weird? I might do that later...after I film this video”.

Holy shit.

Dan paused and rewound the video just to be sure that he heard that right. Surely enough, he did.

Because of the longevity of their relationship, Dan and Phil had dabbled a bit into the kinky side of sex. Not to say that having normal sex with Phil wasn’t amazing, because dear god it was. Sometimes Dan finds himself staring off into space, recounting the noises he made the previous night before snapping back into reality with the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. If they were going to stay together forever - and that was their intention by all means - it was good for them to change things up sometimes.

This is what prompted Dan’s idea.

It didn’t take long for him to put his shoes on and go to a local store that sells craft supplies. He bought seven containers of school glue, earning a suspicious look from the cashier. Once he got home, he was relieved to discover that his boyfriend was sitting on the couch, headphones plugged in and completely zoned out on a Youtube video.

He dug around in the drawers beside Phil’s Youtube set, also known as his “bedroom”. Once he found the remaining glitter, he had his plan all set up for him. Now to bait his lover.

“I liked your new video, love.” Dan began, plopping himself on the sofa beside the other man. Phil took an earbud out. “Huh? Oh. Thanks, Bear.” He decided to set his laptop down for a moment to allow Dan to lay across his lap. The younger man’s head was now resting on the armrest of their old, puffy sofa. Phil was playing with the former’s curls.

“What you thinking about?” He questioned.

Dan smirked playfully.

“I figured we could try something different tonight. That is, if you’re up for it.”

Phil chuckled. “You know I always am.”

“I get to take control tonight.”

“Deal.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “I’m surprised you agreed so quickly.”

Phil shrugged. “You seem to have a plan, so I’ll just go with the plan. I’m intrigued.”

“Good. You should be.”

The pair of them decided on a quick dinner of pasta, all while making flirtatious remarks at each other the entire time they cooked and ate their food.

For some reason, Phil felt nervous. He didn’t know what Dan had planned, and he certainly wasn’t used to being the submissive. His boyfriend, on the other hand, was ecstatic. He could hardly contain his grin as he led Phil to the bathroom.

“Shower sex?” Phil asked.

“Nope. Even better. Do I have your consent?”

Phil glanced over at the shower before turning to Dan. “You do indeed.”

“Let’s not waste any more time, then.”

They kissed softly, Dan placing his hand on the back of Phil’s head. The anticipation of this new kind of sex was enough to get them going much faster. Before either of them realized, Dan had Phil pressed up against the shower wall, peppering the other man with neck kisses. Their kisses turned hungrier, and the younger man began unbuttoning the older man’s shirt. Phil met him halfway down the fabric with his own fingers and yanked the material off of his shoulders.

Dan let one of his hands fall in the direction of Phil’s crotch, squeezing the jean material over it gently. His boyfriend let out a quiet whine. “Juftst… take them owff…” Phil struggled to speak against Dan’s mouth. Hesitantly, Dan did as Phil told him. So much for the dominant part of this.

Phil was already half hard underneath his boxers. “Here, let me give you some help.” Dan whispered. He began to peel away at the material on his boyfriend’s waist, painstakingly so that Phil rolled his eyes in annoyance. “This isn’t fair.” He commented. “You’re still fully clothed.” “Not for long.” Dan whispered, finally removing the final article of clothing from his lover’s body. His eyes fell upon Phil’s recently exposed member. “Delicious.” He whispered. Phil chuckled. “You did not just call my dick ‘delicious.” “I did indeed.”

“You know, being someone about to suck my dick, you don’t look very dominant to me.” Dan laughed. “Just you wait, love.” Without another word, he placed his lips around his boyfriend’s cock, swirling his tongue around its circumference and closing his eyes. Phil let out a deep moan, curling his fingers and trying to find some leverage on the shower wall, to no avail of course. Dan continued to suck and Phil continued to moan, all the while not able to comprehend how this was going to get better somehow. “Dan, if you don’t stop right now…I’m gonna...do something far too early.” Phil breathed, all the while being interrupted by his own short gasps.

Suddenly, he no longer felt Dan’s presence around his member. He opened his eyes to discover that Dan was standing up. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

Dan left the room, leaving Phil sexually frustrated, cold, and slightly angry. His voice cracked when he tried to call his lover’s name. No response. If this was some kind of sick joke, he was not laughing.

He was startled when he finally saw the younger man enter the bathroom once again. Dan was wearing nothing but his boxers, and he was holding a large plastic container of some sort, a paintbrush and a vial of red glitter. Inside was nothing other than the glue he bought earlier, emptied out into the container in a large pool.

Phil finally understood.

“Oh my God.”

“Do I still have your consent for this, love?”

Phil nodded without hesitation. “Yes.”

Dan kissed him softly, their lips just barely brushing together. Dipping the paintbrush in the glue, he began to paint his boyfriend’s arm gently. Phil felt the hair on his other arm stand up as he watched the other man paint him like he was a masterpiece. Dan looked beautiful in this moment; he had his adorable face of concentration mixed with a soft smile. Once his arm was painted, Dan grabbed the small vial of glitter and sprinkled a few pieces into the glue.

He continued to do this same process until both of Phil’s arms, thighs, shoulders, and collar bones were painted. All the while, the subject watched in amazement as the other man carefully worked around his body hair. This was not to be a painful experience.

Dan placed the bucket of glue on the floor, returning his attention to his lover’s right arm. The glue had dried by that point, and he was relieved. He carefully pulled a small section of the glue strip off of Phil’s skin with his fingers, proceeding to take the corner between his teeth and pull it away slowly. The older man sighed. “You looked so good doing that.” He murmured.

Next was the right shoulder, and again came the slow and gentle motion. It was almost an addicting sensation for both of them. Phil didn’t want Dan to stop, but Dan had no plan in stopping. Once the strip of glue was revealed, Dan let it drop to the shower floor and began kissing the other man’s neck, interchanging the kisses with short licks. Phil felt the blood begin to rush to his lower reaches once more as he let out gasps and sighs. He noticed that Dan’s member was poking out through his boxers. Apparently he was enjoying this just as much.

“Fuck, Dan.” Phil grunted. A muffled moan was his only response.

Phil’s mind was spinning as he tried to figure out how he could pleasure Dan in the way Dan was pleasuring him. He slowly placed a hand over the younger man’s boxers, squeezing firmly. “Ah, shit.” Dan moaned. “I’ll just take them off, then. Almost forgot these were on.” Phil laughed fondly at his boyfriend’s lack of self awareness.

Once the silky material was on the floor, Phil began rotating and pumping Dan’s cock, eliciting sharp cries from the latter. In between those cries, Dan was continuing to peel the strips of glue off of Phil’s body with his teeth. They both had to hold on to each other’s backs to prevent from arching their own in pleasure.

Phil stopped to allow Dan to attend to his thighs. The glue had caught on to a few hairs on his legs, so precision was necessary for this. The peeling sensation on his thighs felt better than anywhere else on his body, and Phil knew he was close. He reached behind him to turn on the shower, allowing the hot spray to cascade over their own heat.

Now that the glue was all off of him, he decided he had had enough with being the submissive one. He pressed Dan against the wall with a force he didn’t know he had. Their lips collided passionately as they attacked each other’s mouths. They soon began to get each other off again, not bothering to prepare each other for traditional sex. They both knew this wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Close.” Dan muttered in between kisses.

“Same here.” Phil replied amongst another gasp. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Hearing the way Phil told him that made Dan realize that this was the best idea he had ever had.

“Phil, I’m gonna…”

His lover let out a loud grunt in response.

Their climaxes came at the same time, their release rushing down the drain with the glue and the water. They both took a moment to regain composure. Phil continued to hold Dan against the wall, pressing their foreheads together as their breathing slowed. “Holy fuck.” Phil whispered, resulting in both of them giggling underneath the spray. They let the water clean them up as they caught their breath, eventually turning off the water and drying themselves off with towels.

Stumbling into their bedroom, they both pulled on clean pairs of boxers before Dan pulled the sheets down on their mattress. Climbing into bed together, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan as they lay there in silence for a while.

“That was…the single best idea you have ever had, Daniel James.”

“Thank you very much, Phil. I’m quite proud of myself now.”

“You should be. Holy shit. That was like, the hottest sex we’ve had in a long time.”

“A good bonus is the fact that we didn’t wreck the moon bed.” Dan joked.

“Yes.” Phil chuckled. “That’s always important. However, I’m pretty sure the bathroom is the biggest mess it will ever be.”

“Meh. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure we can handle it tomorrow morning. Now all I want to do is sleep.”

His boyfriend replied with a yawn. “Same.”

Just as Phil was about to close his eyes, he noticed something over by the dresser. “Bear, is that more glue over there on the dresser?”

“Mhm. I bought like, seven bottles. I didn’t know how much I’d need.”

“You kinky little shit.”

“Don’t blame me, Philly.”

“Ey, what does that mean?”

“Nothing.” Dan teased, turning to face his boyfriend. “I love you.”

Phil pressed a soft and lingering kiss to Dan’s lips. “I love you, too.”

It was quiet in the room for a while until Phil spoke one final time.

“Maybe we could use the excess to make more slime videos.”

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Family Included (3) Masterlist

Links last checked: August 28th, 2021

part one, part two

A Little Help - midnightskydan

Summary: In which Martyn has to take care of little!phil while Dan is away.

A Visit from the Lesters (ao3) - analester

Summary: Dan is a bit insecure and nervous about hanging out with Phil’s family, even after 7 years.

Better Than Planned (ao3) - TwistedRocketPower

Summary: Dan and Kathryn take a walk and have a talk.

Campfire (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: Dan goes camping with Phil and his family. There are two beds, but they’ll find a way to get around that.

Christmas At The Lester's (ao3) - troyiesivanie

Summary: Kath finally convinces Phil he should bring Dan up for Christmas, and it ends up being the best Christmas of his life.

death of a bachelor (ao3) - localopa

Summary: okay, first of all, fuck martyn and cornelia. if it weren’t for them, they wouldn’t be in this situation. second of all, fuck phil because he thinks the solution to everything is marriage. third of all, fuck dan because why not get your heart broken? (in which phil is 30, thinks marriage is a competition, and drags dan into a horrible idea.)

Forever Home (ao3) - blankdomain

Summary: Dan’s grandma calls Dan. Except Dan is in the shower and Phil worries it could be an emergency, so he answers.

Gingerbread - cherryblossom-phil

Summary: Mrs. Lester lets Dan in on a few Lester family traditions; a little peek into Dan’s first Christmas with the Lesters.

he’s his mother’s son after all (ao3) - watergator

Summary: dan visits phil’s family on mother’s day whilst feeling depressed

home is where the wifi connects automatically - oqua12

Summary: The wifi at Dan’s parents’ house is utter crap, which is definitely why he’s always so miserable when he visits his family for Christmas. Because of the wifi. (Or at least, that’s what he chooses to tell himself.)

Hush, Be Still - phanetixs

Summary: Snippets of the Lesters on the Isle of Man through the years; right from the beginning of something special.

I’m Coming Home - pretty-dan

Summary: Dan’s parents have never approved of his and Phil’s relationship, but he decides to give them another chance after going a year without seeing them.

In The Light Of Day (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Dan tells his mother about Phil. (a 2009 fic)

Maybe, Possibly - cafephan

Summary: Phil’s mother is adamant that he should be settling down, so invites one of his turbulent exes to an annual family get-together the following day. In a moment of panic, he tells her he’s already dating someone. With no other options, he turns to Dan.

Mending Ties & Tying Knots - cuddleswithphan

Summary: Dan has to go back home for his brother’s graduation, and things still aren’t the best between him and his father. Phil tries to negotiate with Dan’s father the next morning.

Not Traitors But The Lights Go Out - phanetixs

Summary: Guilt and burgers served with a dash of family.

Phil Locked Outside and Tapping On The Glass - secretlywritingstories

Summary: Phil got locked outside of the holiday home where he was staying with Dan and his family. Instead of immediately letting him inside, Dan decides to make him suffer a bit by forcing him to stand outside in his pyjamas.

the present then, the past now (but she remembers it all) (ao3) - nqkedbooths

Summary: It’s the later hours of the evening, and the two boys are tangled up on the couch, watching TV with the rest of the family. Well, they’re supposed to be watching TV, but everyone in the room is aware of the lazy kisses being exchanged, jokes and anecdotes being spoken softly into each other’s ears followed promptly by silent giggles.

There’s No Place Like Home (ao3) - Phandom4Life

Summary: You know the saying there’s no place like home. Well that’s not the case for Dan he hates going home for Christmas so Phil invites him to his parents house.

Thicker Than Water (ao3) - phandomsub

Summary: Daniel isn’t handling his punishment well, and his mother doesn’t understand.

Timing (ao3) - Cloechecksmyflow, phanburnhamizzard

Summary: After moving house, Dan and Phil individually decide that the timing is right for another kind of move: one that will unite them and change the course of their relationship forever. Phil’s family is thrilled and supportive, but Dan’s family, as has been typical his whole life, just doesn’t understand. False starts and dramatic turns follow as the two men navigate their lives together and try to become one.

White Rose (ao3) - outphan

Summary: Dan and Phil, later in life, when they become grandparents.

[cuddleswithphan]

Mending Ties & Tying Knots - Phanfic

DISCLAIMER: I know nothing about Dan’s actual family life, and this story is purely fictional.

PROMPT: Dan has to go back home for his brother’s graduation, and things still aren’t the best between him and his father. Phil tries to negotiate with Dan’s father the next morning.

TW: family drama, family problems

TAGS: angsty fluff(?), angst, implied smut, phan softness, i love soft kisses

A/N: This phanfic took me like two months to write so I hope you guys like it! lol

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“Wipe that fucking expression off your face before I slap it off!” His father screamed, his fist still on the table after pounding into the wooden surface. “Do you hear me, Daniel James?”

Dan tried his hardest to keep his expression neutral, erasing the fear from his eyes as best he could. About an hour before, he had begun explaining his equal attraction to men and women to his mother. She had listened, taking in every bit of information he tried telling her. Things were going well until his father came home. Now that his mother had relayed the information to him, things were about to take a drastic turn for the worse.

His father turned and walked slowly towards the dining chair Dan was sitting on. He leaned in close, speaking lowly. Dan could smell the alcohol on his breath. “Listen to me. Let me make myself perfectly clear. No son of mine will ever be seen holding hands with a man.” He pointed a finger right underneath Dan’s chin. “Is that understood?” His son nodded slowly. “Good. I’m going out again, Karen.”

His heavy footsteps shook the whole house as he walked out the back door. Dan fought back tears as he heard the door slam shut.

The train shook violently from side to side, jolting him awake. “You okay, bear?” A voice questioned. He turned to his left to see his boyfriend Phil sitting beside him, his phone in his hand. Dan was frozen, taking in his new surroundings before replying. “Yeah. Strange dream.” Phil smiled softly, giving the former a quick kiss to the temple before resting his head on the former’s shoulder.

Dan suddenly remembered why they were on this train ride. His brother was graduating college in a few days time, and his mother had insisted that he and Phil come stay with them for the few days leading up to it. He made a few notes in his head. Today’s Wednesday. Adrian is graduating Friday. We leave Saturday morning. That’s not too bad. It could be much worse. Mom could’ve insisted we stay the whole week. He shuddered slightly. He loved his family, of course, but the thought of having to deal with his unpredictable father for a whole week was enough for him to almost get off the next stop and wait for a train home. He has the support of Phil for these three nights they’ll be staying in his childhood home. That proves to be enough to put his mind at ease, and he finds himself slumping into the chair again.

The two boys arrived at their stop about twenty minutes after Dan was rudely awakened by his mind and the uneven tracks. After grabbing their bags and getting a cab, they arrived at their ultimate destination. From the outside, the Howell house didn’t look particularly unordinary compared to the neighbor’s houses. As they walked up the steep driveway, duffle bags in hand, Dan stopped to look at the old minivan that his mother had held onto since her sons were little. The silver vehicle was parked next to a much newer SUV, painted black and with much less rust. He wondered why his mother still paid insurance for the “old rust-bucket”, as him and his brother called it.

“Daniel! Phil!” He heard a familiar voice call. He turned his head towards the front door to greet his mother, who was already walking swiftly towards him with open arms. “Hi, mom.” They hugged for a short while. “It’s so good to see you, love.” She turned to the other boy. “Hi, Phil!” “Hi, Karen! How are you?” “Fine, thank you. It’s so lovely to see you both!” Phil smiled. “Lovely to see you, too.”

The conversation was interrupted by the sound of a small dog barking, and of another familiar voice following it. “Oi! Colin, hush.” Adrian exclaimed, walking outside with the fluffy animal in his arms. He grinned at Dan and Phil, reaching out his one free arm to hug his brother. “What’s up, nerd?” Dan teased. “Not much, dork.” Colin wiggled excitedly in Adrian’s grasp, sticking out his tongue and attempting to escape. “Hey, Colin! Hey buddy!” Dan leaned in closer to let the dog lick his face a few times before Adrian set Colin down. The dog almost immediately put his paws on the bottom of Dan’s skinny jeans and tried to jump higher. While Dan was preoccupied with the dog, Adrian had gone over to greet Phil, and they were now casually chatting with his mother in a small group.

Dan always felt it heartwarming to see Phil bond with his family. Phil meant so much to him, and truly felt like a part of his family now. We’re not even married yet, but it sort of feels like we are. He thought.

Adrian whistled for Colin to come to him, scooping him up in his arms again. “Come on, guys. Let’s go inside.” Dan almost forgot his duffle bag on the pavement, grabbing the strap before following everyone else indoors.

The smell of a slow-cooked dinner permeated throughout the living room. “Chili?” Dan questioned. His mother nodded proudly. “I figured we haven’t had it as a family for a while, so why not make it today?” She glanced up the carpeted staircase. “I tidied your room a bit for you, Daniel. Changed the sheets as well, because God knows how long those same sheets were on your bed.” Both boys chuckled. “Thanks, mom. You didn’t have to do that.” She placed a gentle hand on her son’s shoulder. “Trust me, I did.” She let out a soft chuckle herself before placing a gentle kiss to her son’s forehead and walking back into the kitchen to tend to the chili.

Dan and Phil dragged their bags upstairs and into Dan’s freshly-tidied room. He could hardly recognize his bed. It almost looked like his mother had bought new sheets just for this occasion. He threw his duffle bag onto the bed before letting out a deep sigh. “Feels really weird to be back in this room.” “Yeah.” Phil responded. “Last time we were here was like… 2012.” The older man padded over to his boyfriend before sliding behind him and wrapping his arms around the younger man’s waist.

“Hey bear?” “Hmm?” Their voices were barely audible. “Are you gonna be okay for these next few days?” Dan was silent for a moment, searching his lover’s eyes for the sense of comfort he needed. He nodded. “Yeah?” Phil confirmed. The other boy nodded again. “Well, just let me know if you’re having some trouble. Just because we’re away from the flat doesn’t mean I’m not here to talk.” Dan smiled softly, but Phil could see the worry in his chocolate eyes. “I mean, maybe I won’t even have to see my father until Friday.” Dan added, his voice hopeful. Phil shrugged. “Maybe.” Their lips connected for a moment before they decided to head back downstairs.

“Ah, shit.”

“Adrian! Language, please.” Karen called from the kitchen. Phil grinned as he noticed what Dan’s brother had on the TV. “Adrian, is that the new Crash Bandicoot?” “Yeah! You wanna play?” Dan laughed. “Trust me. He wants to play, even though he hasn’t left our sofa for days on end from this game.” Adrian handed Phil the other controller, and before Dan knew it, the two of them were lost in a new level right before his eyes. “Been having trouble with this one.” His brother muttered.

Dan wandered into the kitchen where his mother was stirring a large steaming pot. “How have you been, love?” She asked, putting the wooden spoon on the counter. “Fine.” He replied shortly. “That’s good.” She brushed the curls out of his eyes. “I’m glad you’ve embraced your natural hair. It suits you.” Dan smiled. “Your father will be pleased. I don’t think he really liked it when you straightened it a lot.” Her son shrugged sadly. “It doesn’t take much for me to disappoint him, does it?”

“Well no, Daniel. I didn’t mean that.”

“I know what you meant, mom. It’s okay.”

The two of them said nothing for a moment. Karen cleared her throat. “I haven’t seen him since Monday night. I’m getting a bit worried.” Dan was staring at the old tile floor.

“He’ll come back.” There was another long pause.

She looked up at her son. “It really is good to see you and Phil here, love.” She pulled him into a hug, sighing. “My boy. I love you so much.” “I love you too.” When they separated, she reached on to squeeze his cheek and smiled. “Remember when you were little, I used to squeeze your dimples?” Dan chuckled. “Yep. I remember.” They heard footsteps.

Phil came spinning into the kitchen, a grin plastered on his face. “Guess who just beat your brother at a round of Bandicoot?” Dan laughed. “I’m guessing you?”

“You know it, baby!”

The younger man sighed, but with a fondness to his expression. Adrian soon joined them in the kitchen. “Guess losing at Crash Bandicoot runs in the family!” Phil teased. “You wanna bet?” Adrian replied, putting on his best intimidating face. “Yeah, I do.” Both Dan and Karen rolled their eyes at the pair. “Well, maybe after dinner. The chili’s almost ready.” She said.

“Dan, would you grab some bowls for everyone?” He nodded. “I’ll help!” Phil exclaimed excitedly. “Where are the utensils?” Adrian opened the utensil drawer before grabbing enough cups for everyone. His mother tapped him on the shoulder. “Will you be sure there’s enough chairs for everyone as well?” “Mhm!”

They were all soon sitting at the dining room table, the pot of chili steaming gently. “It smells so good!” Phil said, licking his lips. “Well thank you, Phil. I hope you like it.” Karen responded.

Suddenly, Colin started barking and ran towards the front door. “Oi! Colin! Cut it out!” Adrian called. The dog didn’t stop. “Just start without me, guys. I’ll take him outside.” “We’ll wait for you, love.” His mother replied. Adrian walked to the living room to peer out the window. He gasped.

“Mom! Dad’s home.”

Dan’s breath hitched, his shoulders visibly tensing up. Karen stood up to confirm what Adrian was seeing as Phil placed a gentle hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He whispered, almost inaudibly. “Just relax, bear. It’s okay. I’m right here.” Dan appeared to be reassured by Phil’s words, but there was still a bit of fear on his features.

The front door creaked open, and the recognizable deep voice of his father boomed throughout the house. ”Hello, wonderful family!” His footsteps were loud and heavy. Dan tried to practice a relaxed demeanor, but Phil could see that his left hand, which was on the table, was shaking. He grabbed his lover’s right hand from underneath the table, holding it tightly and rubbing his thumb across Dan’s hand in a semicircular motion.

His tall, heavyset father appeared in the entranceway to the dining room. “Mr. Phil Lester! Good to see you! How are ya?”

“Hello, Mr. Howell. I’ve been well, thank you.”

There was silence. Dan’s father eyed him up and down. “Daniel.” Dan had to swallow to speak. “Hello, Dad.” He found a spot at the table without saying another word.

“Karen, this chili smells wonderful!” It was after he said this that Dan noticed his mother and brother were having a whispered conversation in the other room, their expressions serious. His father rolled his eyes after not receiving a response. “Karen!”

“Ah, yes! The chili!” His mother chirped, her expression suddenly shifting. “Everyone, please help yourselves!” Her and Adrian walked back into the dining room together as she kissed the top of her husband’s head. Dan felt Phil’s grasp loosen, and he began to panic slightly. Phil, please don’t. Don’t let go.

A very strange phenomenon was going through Dan’s brain. It was almost as if he was beginning to reconstruct the emotional walls that had been torn down with Phil. His expression grew colder. His eyes lost their shimmer for a moment. For now, he was in the same low place he was when he was seventeen. He was most likely going to stay that way until they went back home, or at least until his brother’s graduation.

Once everyone was eating their serving of chili, Dan’s father gestured with his spoon over to his younger son. “You excited to graduate in a few days, son?” Adrian smiled softly. “Yes, dad! Very excited.”

“Good, good. You should be.” There was a pause as he glanced over to his older son.

“It’s good to see I have a son who will graduate university.”

Dan swallowed hard. The unchewed mouthful of chili burned his throat, but he didn’t care. He could feel his father’s piercing eyes, a color identical to his but the whites far more bloodshot, staring him down in disappointment. It’s been eight years since I dropped my law degree. Dan thought. Can’t he just get over it?

“Dan and Phil have been quite busy as well.” His mother interjected. “You boys just moved into a new place, didn’t you?”

Phil smiled brightly. “Yes! We’re very happy there. It’s a nice large, open concept flat with a lot of interesting features. You guys should visit sometime!” Hearing his boyfriend getting so excited about their new flat brought a soft smile to Dan’s face. “We’ve each got our own filming spaces disguised as bedrooms and then we share the master, obviously.” The younger man’s father chuckled to himself.

“Why do you feel the need to do that, Phil?”

“Do what?”

“Have video backgrounds separate from your actual bedroom. I mean, haven’t you guys been filming videos in your bedrooms for years now?”

“Tim.” Karen whispered, her glance at her husband reading a disapproving expression.

“I’m just asking a simple question, darling.”

“It’s alright, Karen. I can answer that.” Phil began. “We’re planning to keep this apartment a bit more private. It’s not a forever home, and we don’t really want our audience to get too attached to it only for us to move again. Plus, erm, we haven’t told them about our relationship yet.”

Tim laughed again. “Oh, it’s always that same relationship answer. What’s the huge deal with telling them? I mean, you don’t see Karen and I being all secretive with our marriage. If you...LGBT people want the same rights as us, why not just flaunt your relationship with ease?”

Dan could see a bit of discomfort start to show on Phil’s features. “Well, it’s not quite that simple. We’d have to figure out a way to tell them without putting a label…”

“Can we change the subject please?” Dan’s voice interceded the rest of his boyfriend’s sentence. His voice was a bit louder than he anticipated, and the erratically changing pitch in his words revealed his now obvious discomfort with the subject.

Tim rolled his eyes. “Yes, of course, Daniel. Because everything has to come back to you, doesn’t it?” His mother’s expression grew more frustrated with each word leaving her husband’s mouth. “Tim! Enough, please.” Dan suddenly didn’t feel hungry anymore.

The rest of the meal was mostly silent besides a conversation between Adrian and Karen about graduation.

After the conversations had fallen silent, they all cleaned up their plates in the kitchen before Dan and Phil retreated to Dan’s childhood bedroom. Phil shut the door quietly behind them, making a soft tapping sound as he tried to close it without raising suspicion from Dan’s family.

Dan sat down on his old, squeaky mattress, letting out a sigh as he stared down at his fingers. Phil, who was standing up beside the bed, smiled fondly and sympathetically. “You okay, bear?” His boyfriend nodded his head slightly. Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh about the exchange at dinner or cry about it. Rather than doing either of those things, he stared out the window, the darkness of the night mesmerizing him.

Phil couldn’t help but notice how stunning Dan looked in this moment. The soft orange glow of the lamp in front of him highlighted his jaw and his cheeks. He realized he was staring when Dan eyed him playfully.

“What?” The younger man was grinning now.

“Nothing.”

Dan giggled at Phil’s reaction to being put on the spot. “No I mean, it’s just… You look really pretty right now.” Dan sighed. “You do too, Phil.” The older man glanced behind him to the bedroom door, which was still closed. He could hear Karen and Adrian laughing and chatting from downstairs. He listened for the sound of Dan’s father, but there was no sign of him. Perhaps he had gone out again. When Phil turned back around, he noticed that his boyfriend was eyeing him hungrily, a gentle smirk on his face. “Go ahead, Phil. I know what you’re thinking.” Dan’s palms were now propping him up on the bed, his legs crossed and hanging over the side of it.

Shit. He looks so good.

It was Phil’s turn to grin. “Stop being so damn pretty, Dan Howell.”

“Oh yeah?” Dan teased. “What are you gonna do if I don’t stop?”

Phil stepped closer towards him. “Do you want to find out?”

Both boys said nothing for a lingering moment. Phil was now getting unbearably close to Dan, leaning in to kiss him. Dan’s cheeky smirk was going away as his expression became more lustful.

“Yeah.” He replied, his response barely audible.

Their lips connected gently, Phil slowly grabbing onto Dan’s jaw as the other boy grabbed the back of Phil’s head. Their mouths moved in perfect synchronization, parting and reconnecting with soft smacking noises. Dan wanted so desperately to pull Phil onto the bed and forget about his anxiety for a while. He wanted to forget about the fact that his father would never accept his sexuality, let alone his relationship. Phil eventually pushed Dan down on the bed, allowing his body to hover over the other’s.

The kisses were getting heated, and a sudden fear popped up into his mind. He tried to get his boyfriend’s attention by nudging his shoulder softly. “Nnnnf… Dan.” Their lips parted, the younger’s breathing already audible. “Are you… are you okay with this? You know, with us being in your parent’s house and everything?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, of course I am. Phil, we’ve literally had sex in so many places. It hardly phases me anymore.” He chuckled, thinking about that one time they snuck off into a janitor’s closet at BBC Radio when the tension became too much. His expression became more serious as he noticed Phil’s worried one. They both sat up to continue the conversation.

“It seems like you’re not, though.” He tenderly brushed a stray lock of black hair away from Phil’s forehead.

Phil sighed. “It’s just… your dad.”

Dan’s shoulders shifted at the sudden and awkward change in subject. “You know, like what he said at dinner tonight. He’d never spoken to either of us like that in front of me before. I’d heard all the horror stories from you, but he’s always been so nice to me.”

The younger man again brushed that same pesky lock of hair away from the other’s face. “He’s worried that we’ll get married. I would imagine it’s hard for him to picture his son marrying another man. I don’t think he ever really took our relationship seriously up until now.” He paused for a moment to gaze into his lover’s eyes, almost with a hint of sympathy. “Eight years is a long time, Phil.” The two of them smiled fondly.

Phil, still very close to his lover after their romantic exchange, let his head rest on the other man’s shoulder. “Oh, Dan.” He felt a hand touch his back. “I love you.” Even after all this time, butterflies still flew inside the younger man’s stomach whenever he heard those words. “I love you, too.” They stayed in that position for a while until they moved to exchange a feather-light and lingering kiss. Phil smiled when they broke apart. “More of those, please.” He whispered.

“...Bear?”

He could see that Dan was laughing, but there was a certain sheen to his eyes that concerned him. “I don’t know…” He began. “I don’t know why I’m about to cry.” The younger man chuckled, but the chuckle soon turned into a sob as the two men embraced. They stayed silent for a while, Phil rubbing gentle circles on his back.

“I don’t want that bastard to take you away from me.”

“I promise I’m not going anywhere, love.”

“Really?”

“I promise with all my heart that you will always have me, regardless of what your father says. Besides, to quote a very reputable source, eight years is a long time.”

Phil could feel his boyfriend’s eyes rolling fondly without even looking at him.

They moved to face each other again, Phil running his thumbs in semicircles across Dan’s cheeks to dry them. Their lips connected again, that same addictive feather-light touch from before.

“So. What do you wanna do now? Do you want to get some sleep?”

“I kind of just want you to kiss me for a while.” Dan replied.

“I can do that.”

They exchanged another soft smile before connecting their lips again. Phil paused to ensure that the door was completely shut, and sure enough it made a soft click noise when he pushed on it. “Good call.” His boyfriend said. They allowed themselves to laugh full-heartedly in that moment, both imagining what could have happened if the door was left the way it was. Before either of them realized it, the heated kisses had returned, this time going a considerable amount further than before. Sighs turned into muffled gasps and moans, in between whispered praises and soft and slow movements.

As the rest of the family drifted off to sleep, Dan and Phil did as well, enjoying the closeness and the comfort of each other’s presence.

~

Phil woke up the next morning with a mission.

Shuffling through his suitcase, he dug out a fresh pair of clean pajamas, putting them on quietly in an effort not to stir a sleeping Dan. He looked himself over in the mirror to ensure no embarrassing love bites had formed and headed downstairs to greet his future in-laws.

Adrian was planted in front of the TV again, smashing away at the buttons on his controller. The scent of eggs and bacon wafted in from the kitchen, and surely enough, Karen had a sizzling skillet on the stove.

“Morning, Phil! Did you sleep well, dear?”

“Yes I did, thank you. Yourself?”

“Just fine.” She paused to grab some plates. “Breakfast will be ready soon. Is Dan still asleep?”

“I think he is, yeah.”

She shrugged. “I’ll go wake him when everything’s ready.”

Phil couldn’t help but wonder how long the scent of sex typically lingers in one room. He was also picturing the messiness of the sheets, a disheveled and most likely naked Dan being woken up by his unknowing mother...

“That’s okay.” He responded quickly. “I can wake him soon.”

“Alright. I’ll let you know when everything’s set. We’ll let him get his rest for now.” She smiled at him before returning her attention to the food.

Phil wandered back towards the stairs, searching not for his partner, but rather the person who led to his partner’s upset last night. He needed to do some negotiating with Tim.

Just as he was about to wait until later and wake up Dan, he passed a room with a white french door. Through the door appeared to be an office, with an old faux leather chair facing a computer desk. Sitting in the chair was none other than the man he was looking for. He knocked cautiously.

“Mr. Howell?”

Tim swung the chair around to confront the voice he had heard, but said nothing when he realized it was Phil.

“May I speak to you please, sir?”

He eyed Phil suspiciously, but nonetheless invited him in.

“Sure, Phil. Grab that chair right there. Have a seat, son.”

After Phil got accustomed to the squeaky wooden chair, he cleared his throat and worked up the courage to speak.

“I would like to talk to you about my relationship with your son.”

“Ah, of course.” Tim replied, a hint of annoyance in his voice. “What else would you need to talk to me about?”

“Well, I suppose this has to do more with you and I.”

“Oh? How so?”

Phil awkwardly glanced down at the floor, unsure as to how to bring this up carefully.

“I get the sense, sir… that you don’t want me to marry Dan.”

Tim scoffed. “Marriage? Nobody said anything about marriage last night. I didn’t say anything sour about you marrying my son, did I?”

“No, you did not. I just wanted to be sure that it would be alright with you if I married him at some point in the considerable future.”

There was a long pause while both of them tried to figure out what to say next. Tim seemed to be reflecting on something, his lips twisting around in thought.

“Listen, Phil. I’ll tell you one thing.” His voice was much lower and calmer than it had been before.

“When Daniel was born, I had this whole concept as to how his life would go. I figured he’d grow up, go to university, meet some pretty girl, get married and have a few kids of his own. First, he tells me that he likes men the same as women. This is an entirely new concept to me, something I’ve never heard of in my whole bloody life. I say ‘whatever, fine, he can do what he wants.”

Phil has to resist the urge to laugh sarcastically, knowing all of the stories Dan has told him.

“Then, he tells me he’s dropped out of law school. I say that he can do whatever he wants again. Then he tells me, ‘Oh, dad! I’ve met a cute boy online, you see. His name’s Phil.’ Now that’s everything I thought would happen in his life completely gone.”

There’s an awkward pause. Phil can’t help but start to feel like he’s not good enough again.

“Now, Phil. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression when I say that. I admire you as an individual quite a lot. You’re intelligent, you’ve got a good sense of humor and you know your rights from wrongs. You’ve supported Dan quite immensely from what I can tell. He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. In that aspect, I admire your relationship to my son. It’s just hard for me to comprehend.”

Phil nods slowly. “I understand.”

“Quite frankly, Phil, I understand if you two don’t invite me to your wedding.” He lets out a wheezing laugh. “I’ve put you both through hell, haven’t I?”

Phil shrugged. “The situation between you two hasn’t been the easiest for Dan, mentally speaking that is.” His expression showed no sign of amusement, unlike Tim’s.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure it hasn’t been.”

Yet another pause ensues. Phil hears the floorboards in Dan’s bedroom creak.

“I’ll tell you this much though, Phil. All I’ve ever wanted as a father is for my two boys to be happy. I want Dan and Adrian to live their lives to the fullest and have the best lives they possibly can. Even though I don’t agree with you and Dan’s way of life, I’ll be damned if I don’t see the happiness that he currently has… stick around for the rest of his life. He was such a sad teenager, and you gave him the happiness and confidence that he has. You gave him a reason to keep breathin’. You did a job that Karen and I couldn’t figure out how to do. For that, I have to thank you.”

Phil doesn’t know what to say besides, “It was my absolute pleasure, and most likely always will be.”

Tim chuckled.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Howell. I’ll be sure that all three of you get a future wedding invitation.”

The old man smiled a crooked smile. “I appreciate that, son.” He gave Phil a nod as the younger man stood.

“Thank you for your time.” Phil said.

“Always a pleasure, Mr. Lester.”

Phil slipped out of the office, walking across the hall and knocking softly on the door. “Bear? Are you awake?” “Yeah,” a voice replied. “I’ll be down in a minute. I can’t find my shirt.”

“Well, come on. The bacon’s gonna get cold.”

He heard a shuffling, then a sudden opening of the door. “Did you say bacon?” Phil giggled at the sight of his boyfriend; puffy sex hair, barely covered love bites and a backwards and stained black T-shirt. “I think the bacon’s gonna have to wait, bear.” He teased, pushing Dan back into the room to help fix him up.

Never before had Phil felt so much infatuation for Dan. Here was this goofy, adorable young man that he had fallen so hard for eight years ago. Even though it was safe to say there were some rough patches, their relationship had ceased to fail. Despite everything, they still managed to make it this far. Now that they had Dan’s entire family on their side, there was nothing stopping them. Who knows what would come next? Whatever it was, at least they knew that everything would turn out just fine.

[cuddleswithphan]

Orders From Casper - Phanfic

[A/N: I wrote this phanfic for a creative writing assignment in my english class, because why not? I also thought I’d post it here, because why not? Hope you guys like it! c:]

“Please, Mayor Casper. I promise he can change.”

“No, Phil. My decision is final. Dan Howell is too creative to live in a place like this. I order you to find him and bring him to me. We can either talk some sense into this boy, or he will have to leave.”

 Phil sighed. He’d been trying for hours to convince the mayor of London to let his friend stay in their shared apartment. He was sure that being the mayor’s advisor, he could find some sort of loophole, but it seemed that all of his efforts would be in vain. “Do you have any other arguments to make, Mr. Lester?” The pudgy old man inquired. “No, sir” Phil replied sadly. “Then go find your friend. I need to speak with him before his ideas get to the people of London.”

 “Yes, sir.”

 Phil walked out of the tall office building into the rainy street, pulling the collar of his coat closer to his face and covering his ebony hair in a hood. He walked with his head down towards the direction of their apartment building, only looking up to glance at the large screen that displayed the date and time. September 20th, 2030. 4:45 pm. As he walked, his mood worsened when he thought of the possibilities that could transpire over the next few hours. He could lose his friend forever.

 A long time ago, London was a place of prosperity and happiness. It was watched over by Mayor Casper and his wife. Julia Casper was one of the kindest and sweetest people the city had ever known. She was very bright and creative, and picked up a hobby as a painter, making abstract art that she displayed in the town hall. However, things quickly took a drastic turn for the worse. Her work soon began to consume her, and it was eventually all she would ever do. She would never eat, she would never sleep, and whenever her husband tried to make her do those things, all she could think about was her next painting. It got so bad that the mayor called in a therapist to speak with her and help her sort through this addiction she had started. Unfortunately, it was too late, and she died from malnourishment a few days later. Ever since then, Mayor Casper has had a ban on creativity, for fear it would cost more lives.

 To ensure that nobody used their creativity, Mayor Casper had made it a requirement for every citizen of London to install security cameras in their homes. One afternoon, Dan Howell decided to play a simple tune on his old white piano. The next day, Phil had been called into the Mayor’s office.

 I can’t do it. Phil thought. I can’t force Dan to come to the Mayor’s office and confess. What kind of friend would do that? He had heard horror stories of what happened to the people who were caught, but he had never seen it in person. Would Dan be exiled? Would he be killed? He decided not to think about the options as he continued to walk, following the familiar streets on auto-pilot.

 The door opened with a creak as he stepped inside. “Dan?” He called out to the dark space. There was some shuffling from another room.

“Hey, Phil. Didn’t know you’d be home this early.” Phil shrugged. “You okay?”

Phil looked up at the back right corner of their living room, the white camera staring at him tauntingly. It was almost as if it was saying, tell him. Tell him what he did wrong. You know he’s in the wrong right now.

 “Dan, were you playing the piano yesterday?”

The other man shrugged. “Yeah. Why?”

“You know there’s a law against that, right?”

Phil could see his friend’s cheerful mood suddenly disappear from his features. “Oh no.”

Phil nodded. “They caught you. Casper called me into his office today. He says he wants to speak with you. Now.”

 “Oh my god, Phil. I’m so sorry. I really am. I completely forgot about that. Oh no.” Dan began to pace around the room nervously, running his fingers through his curly brown hair. “We need to go talk to him.”

The two boys headed back out into the rainy afternoon, walking closely together on the sidewalk and keeping their heads down. Dan’s eyes followed the rhythmic pattern of the sidewalk tiles, and he almost kept walking after Phil had stopped at the door to his office. As they rode up the elevator, Phil whispered some advice into Dan’s ear. “Let him do all of the talking first, and then when you talk, speak lowly and collectedly. He won’t like any of your normal sass that you give to me.” Both of them chuckled softly. “Okay.” Dan replied. They walked out of the elevator and went down a long hallway to a creaky old door that read MAYOR R. CASPER in bolded letters on the window. Phil knocked, rocking back and forth slightly on the balls of his feet and letting out a soft and nervous sigh.

 Mayor Casper opened the door and eyed the two tall men suspiciously. “Come in.”

 The mayor’s office was a cold and musty room, with a single lamp turned on at the back corner. There was an old wooden desk with all sorts of marks from the wear and tear of the years gone by, with a faux leather chair behind it. He hobbled over to the chair and sat down, casting his cane aside haphazardly and inviting the two men to sit down. Dan tried to mask his antsy expression. As they turned to listen to the mayor, Phil reached to squeeze his friend’s hand in reassurance. He heard Dan let out another nervous breath.

 “Mr. Howell.” The mayor began. “I understand you were playing the piano in your home yesterday. Is that correct?”

 “Y..yes, sir.”

 “Do you know the policy that comes with doing that, or any other creative activity?”

 Dan gulped. “It’s...against the law, sir.”

“Indeed it is. If only my fair Julia had witnessed such an act. Of course, she never would have. She was always too tied up in her artwork. She had to go too soon because of it. It’s a shame.” The mayor appeared to be staring at a nonspecific location on the wall behind Dan and Phil. Phil turned his head slightly to look, but there was nothing on the wall. His attention snapped back to in front of him when Mayor Casper began to speak again.

 “Now is it Dan? Daniel? Danny?”

 “Dan is fine.” His face was expressionless.

 “Dan. You have two options. One, you allow my staff to come to your apartment for a search and to remove any objects that violate this law. Two, you leave the city of London forever, never to return, and ultimately leave all of your friends and family behind. The choice is yours. If you choose to leave London, you will enter your new home through the portal underneath the city. However, I must warn you. I am not certain where that portal will take you. It may take you to paradise, or it may take you to your worst nightmare.” Phil had heard of the mysterious grate that led to a swirling pool of darkness in the center of the city. He had never seen it himself, but he now knew that it was not legend. His friend sat in silence, wringing his fingers together and staring down at the floor. He could almost see the gears turning in Dan’s head, formulating the perfect response to this miserable old man.

 “Mayor Casper, I know what my decision will be.” The mayor sat in silence, listening to Dan. “I would rather live anywhere else than here if you are going to deny my right to think. By denying people the right to be creative, you are denying them the joy that comes with dreaming and inventing. The human race evolved from people thinking creatively, and quite honestly, I don’t want to live in a place that will never evolve.” His voice was angrier now, picking up in pitch and in volume. “Now I understand, sir. You had a bad experience with your wife and her death, and this is your form of grief. With all due respect, that is a completely unfair way to show your grief. It’s depriving your entire city of the basic fundamental need to think. No matter where that portal takes me, I know it will be better than this horrible place.” Dan stood up and turned towards the door, and before Phil could tell him to sit down again, he was gone.

 Mayor Casper chuckled lowly. Phil looked up from his gaze on the floor. “What’s so funny?” “Your friend is an interesting character, Phil. I’ll admit that. I always wondered how people can question my methods like that without flinching. The nerve they must have to even consider opposing my ways.” A wave of anger came over Phil when he heard this. “Nerve?” He questioned. “Sir, I think the better word would be intelligence.” His boss raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?” “With all due respect Mayor Casper, I think it would be completely unfair of me to sit in your office and obey your orders when you have just sentenced my best friend to an unknown future.” The mayor eyed him warily. “What are you implying, Mr. Lester?”

 Phil reached for his badge on the waist of his pants and placed it on the wooden desk. “I quit.”

 “Now wait a minute, Phil.”

 He walked swiftly out of the room, not turning his head to look back at the old man’s office even once. He knew exactly where his destiny lied. He needed to find Dan.

 Later that same day, and after a long discussion in their apartment, Dan and Phil stood over the mysterious grate in the center of the city. With the security guard’s permission, and the grate pried open, the two men joined hands and jumped into their new unknown lives together.

[cuddleswithphan]

They Had It Easy - Original Story

[A/N: This story is based off of true events but any correlation to real life people is purely coincidental.]

When I’m old, I want my children to look back on the story of how I met their father and say, “they had it easy. They fell in love as soon as they met and just didn’t know it, a typical high school romance tale.”

Unfortunately, it’s hard for me to say that it was that easy. It never is with anyone.

I met him in sixth grade, at a time where I felt that my life would be an endless spiral of loneliness and uncertainty. My family had barely escaped a pretty rough situation with my sister, and I felt as though I had lost all of my friends in the blink of an eye. Surely entering middle school with this mixture of fear and loneliness was not a good combination. Looking back on it, I never realized how unhappy I truly was back then.

To be completely honest, I didn’t really pay attention to the boy sitting a few rows in front of me in Mr. Brennan’s science class for a long time. He was quiet, always kept his head down on his desk, and I thought that he was the type of person who just wanted to be alone. So that’s how I left him. After all, it wasn’t like after everything that happened, I was going to jump out of my seat and have a full fledged conversation with someone new. It wasn’t until we were paired up with an in-class assignment that I had my first conversation with him. It was short and awkward, but a first conversation nonetheless.

Homework Club was the place where a friendship manifested. I initially joined the club to stay away from home for a little longer than I needed to. It was intriguing to watch the club decrease in size over the course of the school year, as more people realized what a truly pointless club it actually was. Him and I were really the only two members left after a while, sitting in the cafeteria after a long day, pretending to do our homework and giggling over rude jokes about the teacher and supervisor who watched us at every meet. It’s best to keep her name anonymous. Trust me.

I felt, and sometimes still feel incredibly guilty. I could sense the romantic tension between us, waiting for the perfect moment to take action. The stupidity inside my mind told me that I was better off pining over this boy named Jared. We were good friends in elementary school, and I truly have no idea what sparked my romantic interest in him. He wasn’t particularly attractive or funny, which are really the only two qualities one cares about with middle school crushes. Thirteen year old me had the hots for him though. I spent who knows how many school dances trying to get him to slow dance with me, always getting that same heartbreaking response that he promised someone else already. Funnily enough, when that slow dance came on, he didn’t dance with anyone.

Then there was him, standing in the corner with nobody to dance with while I was busy chasing after Jared.

By freshman year, I was done with the “pining over someone” game. My romantic interest in Jared had dissipated rapidly over the summer, and soon the heart eyes turned into random and sometimes emotionless waves in the hallway. Nothing really happened with crushes for me for two whole school years, which was something unheard of in a long time. People don’t really care about crushes in high school anyways.

Then there was junior prom.

I still remember the feeling I felt in my chest when my friends told me that he was going with someone else. It reminded me of the sickening feeling I experienced with those countless rejections from the other boy. I pretended to be happy for him as the evening got closer, but the jealousy began to gnaw at my thoughts.

I didn’t care that I didn’t know Hannah, I didn’t like her already. Something about her made me want to start a fight with her, despite my obvious physical and emotional weakness. Maybe it was because I was convinced that she didn’t like me, even though we had never met before. My friends told me that she was just a friend of his, but everything inside me screamed that she was more than that. The prom was an extremely fun and exciting experience, but throughout the night I had moments of fleeting jealousy whenever I saw her with him. I felt so awful, because I know now that I wasn’t giving off a good impression, and that if he saw my negative attitude towards her, it would damage our relationship. I felt guilty, as if I was intruding on an experience that should have solely been theirs. There was another side of my mind that screamed, No! He’s your friend too, and she should respect that. We can all learn to have fun. Prom is supposed to be a fun and rewarding experience for everyone. You need to be nice to her, Jackie. What the hell is wrong with you?

Then there was that song.

We were all dancing together, Hannah included, when Let Me Love You by Justin Bieber started playing. At first, everything was fine. There were smiles, laughter, and at one point we all held hands in a big circle and swayed to the beat. During one of the choruses, him and I were facing each other as the rest of the group continued to dance together in a crescent shape. It was then when we began pointing at each other and smiling every time Justin’s voice sang “let me love you”. For a moment, it was almost as if nothing else mattered, and we had that moment entirely to ourselves. It wasn’t until I heard her voice speaking to him that my stomach dropped. She walked quickly over to him as if to say something, his smile dissipating and his body turning back to her. “No, it’s okay.” She said. “Dance with her.” She went to go sit back down at the table. In hindsight, I knew she wasn’t mad at me, but my anxiety whispered mean thoughts into my brain. Look at you, Jacqueline. Fucking everything up again. You just ruined his night because you got too comfortable. Never allow yourself to do that again.

We tried to get back into the rhythm we had before, but I could tell his mind was now on something else. The song ended, and we all collectively decided to return to the table as a friend group. Nothing more.

I soon learned from my friends that Hannah wasn’t the bad person that I made her out to be, and we left off on a relatively good note for two strangers who would only really see each other for one night. Prom was a great experience for me, and I don’t regret going at all.

I still remember him asking if he could put his hand on my waist as we took a picture. I still remember us locking eyes at the end of the night, our sleepy bodies embracing each other in a goodbye. “You look beautiful.” He said, and I smiled. “...and you look handsome.” I didn’t want to leave his side, but my friends were waiting for me to join them in the crowd and head towards the limo.

Now, as my junior year comes to a close, I have no idea what is going to happen between us. I’ve told him everything he needs to know. I understand that it will take some time for him to register what I told him, but the guilt and anxiety needs to go away. It’s now my turn to play the waiting game, as he played for so long in middle school. I am willing to wait as long as it takes. I just hope that I’ll have a proper date to senior prom.

Our future is unclear, that is for certain. Whether it’s with him or with someone else, I hope my future children know that I tried to make everything right between us. I also hope they know that if something doesn’t work out the way you want it to, to not blame yourself for every aspect of the situation. The challenging part is to teach that to myself.

[cuddleswithphan]

Underwear - Phanfic (Smut)

Phil stared at the tweet, his mouth slightly agape.

As someone who doesn't go outside or open the curtains 'spring' is just the time when it gets warm enough to walk around in my underwear.

After being in a relationship with Dan for eight years, Phil had never seen such a bold statement on his twitter, and about underwear of all things. Would he really be walking about their flat in nothing but his boxers? That didn’t seem very in character of him. Dan was the type of guy who sometimes kept his shirt on during sex. Phil didn’t mind that, of course. It was his own body. The only issue was that sometimes, things get caught in the fabric. “Babe?” Phil heard his lover’s voice from the lounge. “Yeah?” “Have you seen my MacBook charger?” Dan appeared in the doorway to Phil’s bedroom.

Oh. My. God.

Phil suddenly found it difficult to respond as Dan appeared in nothing but a baggy white T-shirt and a pair of boxers. He cleared his throat in an attempt to speak, but the words he attempted came out as gibberish. “Um. I uh, no. Maybe. I dunno.” The younger man raised an eyebrow, smiling playfully. “Are you okay?” Phil laughed awkwardly. “What? Yeah. I’m fine.” He tried to get back on the subject of the missing MacBook charger, looking around his room for a deserted cord. “Uhh…” He continued to glance around the room in a fake search for the charger, but in reality, all he could think of was those boxers hanging around Dan’s waist. “I dunno, bear. I don’t see it.” Dan shrugged. “Okay.” He began to walk away from the doorway when Phil finally found his voice. “Are you going to be walking around like that all day?” “Yeah. I mean, we’re not going anywhere today right?” “No.” Phil muttered. There was an awkward pause. “Oh.” Dan laughed. “You must have seen my tweet.” The older man nodded. “Yeah.” “Don’t worry, Phil. This isn’t going to be a normal thing.”

As Dan walked off to continue searching for his charger, Phil stared down at his blue and green duvet and smirked. Two can play at that game. If Dan was going to annoy him by wearing boxers all day, then he can annoy Dan in some way. He didn’t want to copy Dan, because then it would be obvious, but there had to be something else that gets him going. He glanced up at the tall mirror beside his bureau and looked himself over. Of course. Dan loves it when my hair is in a quiff.

Normally, his magical quiff sort of appeared without his hands purposely shaping it. This was an unusual circumstance however, in which it was more of a necessity than a desire. Phil was going to get his hair up if it was the last thing he did. He padded quietly across the flat into the bathroom, standing beside the mirror and picking up a bottle of hairspray. He ran his fingers through his deep black locks, moving every strand he could into that beautiful yet rare shape. “Found it!” He heard Dan call, and he figured now was the perfect time to show his revenge.

“Where was it?” He called back, following the voice he heard. He soon stood in the entranceway to Dan’s room. As he took in his surroundings, his breath hitched. His boyfriend was bent over his desk, reaching behind it to unplug the missing cord. His ass is right there, Phil thought to himself. He could see the outline of both cheeks sticking out from underneath the silk fabric, or maybe it was just his imagination. After a seemingly infinite moment, Dan finally got up and turned towards him. “What did you do with your hair?” Phil shrugged. “Dunno. I was in the mood for a quiff.” He could feel his face going a light shade of pink as he realized he’d been caught staring at Dan’s ass.

Both boys stood there and stared at each other, unsure of the other’s next move. “Your hair looks really good.” Dan whispered. “So does your ass.” The other replied, almost as if he was joking and not joking at the same time. They both chuckled before another few moments of silence passed. Phil scanned Dan’s body. His curls were perfect and still damp from his shower earlier that morning. He wasn’t sure if it was the lighting, but Phil swore he could still make out a faint circle on Dan’s neck from where a hickey had formed a few nights ago. Goosebumps formed on his arms as he remembered the sound Dan made the moment he left that hickey. He wanted so desperately to reach underneath that white T-shirt and pull it right off of him.

Before Phil could register what was happening, Dan had dropped the charger on the ground and walked swiftly towards him. Their lips collided, mouths moving together in perfect synchronization. Dan instantly melted into Phil’s embrace as Phil placed a hand on the other’s lower back, holding him in place. The kisses continued to become more frantic and more passionate as Dan let out a soft, muffled moan. “Please tell me you’re going to let us continue this.” Phil muttered, a sense of desperation laced in his words. “Absolutely.” Dan breathed in between another sigh. That was all that was needed to add fuel to a growing flame.

Phil decided that he needed to take control, wrapping his fingers around the end of Dan’s shirt. The younger man was way ahead of him though, as he pushed his fingers away and took off the loose white fabric himself. The older man began to press kisses down the length of Dan’s neck, eliciting quiet groans from the other. Phil searched briefly for an empty space in Dan’s room, and once he found his target, he pushed both of them against the wall, pinning Dan’s hands to the smooth white surface with his own. He continued to press kisses to his lover’s neck, encouraged by a soft “Phil…” that was barely audible but still recognizable. He hadn’t realized that he was still fully clothed until Dan’s fingers started to undo the buttons on his pastel green shirt. He also hadn’t realized he’d even let go of Dan’s hands. Everything was moving so quickly, and it all felt so good.

Phil was startled by the sudden movement as Dan pushed himself off the wall and moved them both towards his bed, pushing the green material from Phil’s shoulders simultaneously. Dan allowed himself to fall onto the mattress, pulling his lover down on top of him. More frantic kisses ensued, and this time Phil caught himself groaning. He’s not going to lie, he loves it when Dan becomes this passionate and needy. They stopped kissing to catch their breath as Dan worked on getting Phil’s jeans and boxers off before taking off his own.

With both of them now fully exposed to the other, Phil scanned his lover’s body up and down as a smirk grew on his face. “What?” Dan questioned, his voice breathy and impatient. “Nothing. It’s just sometimes I forget how lucky I am.” Rolling his eyes and grinning, the younger man pulled him close, grabbing hold of his face and kissing him. “Stop being so sappy, you nerd. This was getting passionate, and then you just…” His voice trailed off as he found himself becoming mesmerized by Phil’s blue-green orbs once again. Phil swung his leg over Dan’s waist, straddling him while continuing the kisses and beginning to gyrate slowly. The friction caused both of them to groan, and the groans made them want more. Chills ran up Dan’s spine when he heard the other curse his name, as curses are not normally part of Phil’s vocabulary.

They continue to go through the motions for a while, both cursing each other’s names. Once he assured that Dan was in the place he should be and wanted to be, Phil grabbed the bottle of cherry lube from the bedside drawer and put some on his finger, placing it in Dan's entrance. Dan let out a deep moan as Phil continued to stretch him. “Fuck, Phil.” Dan hissed. It wasn’t long before they decided that they were done with the teasing. After assuring that they were both in a good position, Phil slowly pushed into Dan’s entrance. Dan gasped at the contact, allowing his hips to buck upwards. Continuing the rhythmic movement, Phil bent down and kissed Dan’s neck, eliciting high pitched cries from the younger man. “I love it when you melt under me…” He whispered, pressing his lips against the other’s soft skin and leaving a bright red mark.

“C-close.” Dan moaned, and Phil could tell. It had gotten to a point where they could hardly contain pants and sighs, sweat forming across their bodies. Dan began to shiver slightly until he let out a loud cry, finally allowed release. Phil followed soon after, collapsing with exhaustion on top of his lover. He closed his eyes, listening to their uneven breathing and the new silence that was filling the room. He reached for Dan’s hand, clasping it gently. “Hey, Dan?” “Hmm?” “I love you, but don’t ever tease me like that again. Especially on twitter where everyone can see.” The younger man chuckled as sleep threatened to overtake their bodies.

“Glad you caught on, love.”

[cuddleswithphan]

Bedtime Story - Phanfic

“Papa, we’ve already read that one.”

Dan smirked to himself as he listened in on Phil’s conversation with their four-year-old daughter, Juniper. He was sitting in the lounge editing a gaming video, a bag of crisps wedged between his thighs. He had stopped crunching on the crisps now though, and had one earbud out to be able to hear his husband and daughter’s conversation. “Right. Okay. Well, what about this one?” There was a pause. “No?” It sounds like they’re going to have to buy more children’s books.

Getting adjusted to parenthood had not been easy for either of them. Juniper was fussy when she was an infant, and they had had long sleepless nights staying awake together and taking turns holding her. The fans gave both of them more slack than they did before they had Juniper, because it was hard to run a bunch of YouTube channels and look after a child as well. Now that their surrogate was pregnant with their second child, it was important to both of them that they spend as much time with Juniper as they can.

Dan caught himself staring at the small screen in Final Cut Pro, their faces illuminated with smiles. He decided that the gaming video can wait. Moments like this cannot. He put down his laptop, balancing the bag of crisps on their sofa before turning back around and deciding to put them away properly. Don’t want the dog getting into them. Their corgi, which Phil had unironically named Thor, had been sitting beside him for a while, fixated on the bright yellow bag. After going into the kitchen and putting a clip over the bag, he walked over to Juniper’s room and silently listened beside the doorway.

“Okay. Let me think.” There was something about Phil’s voice that instantly brought a smile to Dan’s face. He knew that Phil was going to try and make up a story, as he often did when Juniper was bored of the same old books. Phil cleared his throat and began.

“Once upon a time, in a land not too far from here, there were two princes that lived in different kingdoms. One was called Prince Daniel, and the other was called Prince Phillip.” “Like you and daddy!” Juniper exclaimed excitedly. “Mhm. The two princes lived far away from each other, but they sent messages back and forth with their messenger owls.” This made Dan chuckle softly as he hid behind the wall. “Soon, the two princes fell in love, and wished to see each other in Prince Phillip’s castle. The only problem was that Prince Daniel’s father, the King, did not like Prince Phillip very much.” Dan subconsciously bit the inside of his cheek, his stomach lurching with the mention of his father. “Why?” Juniper asked innocently. Phil paused for a moment to choose his words carefully. “Well, you see, the King wanted Prince Daniel to marry a princess, but he was in love with a prince.”

Dan wanted so badly to intervene, tell Juniper that story time was over and drag Phil out of her room by the ear. However, he also wanted to know where Phil was taking this story. He continued to listen, wary of the details. “Papa, what did the princes do?” Phil sighed. “Well, Prince Phillip decided one day to go to Prince Daniel’s castle to speak with the King. He told the King all the reasons why he was in love with his son, and the King listened to him.” “Was Prince Daniel handsome?” His daughter’s question brought a grin back onto Dan’s face. “Why, he was the most handsome prince that Phillip had ever seen.” “What did the King say?” Phil cleared his throat. “Well, the King thought about it for a while, and soon decided that the two princes could be together after all. Prince Daniel and Prince Phillip became kings of their own kingdom, and one day, they had a child of their own. Her name was Princess Juniper, and they all lived happily ever after. The end.”

 “Princess Juniper! Like me!” Juniper grinned. It was at this moment that Dan decided to finally reveal himself from behind the wall. He walked over to the couch to grab a blanket and held the edge of it around his neck like a cape. He barged into Juniper’s room, flaunted his cape and declared with a diplomatic accent, “It is I, King Daniel! Hello, my princess.” His daughter giggled. “Hello there, my fellow king.” Phil laughed softly as he watched Dan put on this elaborate performance. His fingers were losing grip of the blanket, so he played along with it ultimately falling to the floor. “I thought you might need this. I know it gets cold in this kingdom at night.” Dan draped the blanket casually across Juniper’s duvet, kissing her on the forehead before clearing his throat to lose his royal voice.

“How much of the story did you hear?” Phil asked, a grin seemingly stuck to his face. “All of it.” His husband replied sheepishly before adding, “it was quite a lovely story.” He turned to his daughter. “But of course, a beautiful princess such as you needs her rest. Good night, Juniper.” “Good night, papa. Good night, daddy.” Both boys hugged and kissed her good night, Phil turning off the light and switching on the night light by her door. Dan swung the door behind them, leaving it slightly ajar so that the light in the hallway would shine through. They walked silently into their bedroom.

“Should I be calling you King Phillip now, Mr. Storyteller?” Dan joked, pulling Phil close and resting his arms on his shoulders. “Unless you want me to only refer to you as King Daniel, I would advise against it.” Phil responded. They both laughed short, breathy laughs before Dan silently pulled Phil’s face towards him and kissed him softly. “You did a good job with her today. Sorry I was being so lazy.” Phil shook his head. “You weren’t being lazy, you were doing YouTube stuff. That’s not being lazy.” He pulled both of them down onto their bed in a tackle-hug-like manner. “This is being lazy.” They beamed at each other again. “Are you tired of me yet after ten years, Danny?” Dan found himself already getting lost in Phil’s eyes. “I could never get tired of you.” He murmured. They kissed again. “I can’t believe there’s going to be two kids in this house soon.” “Tell me about it. I’m not sure if I’m ready.”

Again, the younger man found himself getting lost in a sea of sky blue and emerald, all amazingly contained in his husband’s eyes. Sometimes he can’t believe that he found someone as creative, talented, smart and kind as Phil Lester. He thought about the story of the two princes, and how their love endured despite the king’s wishes. Phil wove that story so carefully to be both entertaining to a four-year-old and expressing the truth. He was truly a genius. Dan was so excited to see Phil bond with their next child, and knew in his heart that he’d continue to be an incredible father.

“We’ll be okay.” He whispered.

[cuddleswithphan]

It’s Complicated (Phanfic)

Summary: A one shot in which Dan accidentally moans his best friend’s name during sex. Or is it simply his best friend? Things aren’t always as simple as they seem.

Phil was right in the next room.

He wasn’t trying to think about it. He shouldn’t be thinking about it. He knew that Phil had tuned out both him and his girlfriend a long time ago, evident from the sound of Spotify blaring from the next room. Dan knew Phil didn’t care that they were having sex right next door, so why was it slowly eating at him? Even his girlfriend Clara had tuned out the thought of Dan’s roommate, letting out soft sighs and pants as they moved in rhythm together.

Even though his beautiful girlfriend was right underneath him, Dan couldn’t seem to focus. Something felt off, and Clara soon picked up on his changing mood. “Baby, stop for a second.” She muttered, her accent practically a higher pitched version of Dan’s. “Are you alright?” Her voice was showing hints of both concern and frustration. Dan was now frozen mid thrust, caught completely off guard by the sudden change in her mood. He couldn’t help but notice her expression read more of anger than of concern, and for some reason it made him feel even more insecure. “Yeah.” He replied, his voice breathy and shaky. “Why wouldn’t I be?” “I dunno.” She answered. “You just seem a bit off suddenly. Maybe I’m just thinking too much. Am I thinking too much?” Dan nodded. His girlfriend’s expression softened. “Right. Sorry love.” She gave him a gentle kiss and they got back into their rhythm.

Phil.

His mind was invaded once again by the thoughts of his roommate. Surely he must have heard them stop for a moment. Would he question it once Clara had gone home? He hoped not.

Both Dan and Phil had been relatively secretive towards each other when it came to relationships. They didn’t need to know what happened behind closed doors. They were really close friends in every other aspect of the term, but not that close. Besides, it would feel awkward to talk about it much. After all, it’s not like they could just ignore the night they spent together all the way back in 2009. That was a simpler time, when they didn’t care too much about anything else besides each other. He remembers being so nervous. He remembers what it felt like for Phil to run his fingers down Dan’s back. He remembers the movement, his hands grasping at Phil’s bedsheets, and the cries of pleasure they both made. Sometimes it still haunts him when he least expects it, almost as if it’s a flashback to a time he doesn’t want to recall. Suddenly his mind returns to the present moment, and before he can stop himself, he hears himself moaning.

“Phil…”

His eyes widen as he realizes what he’s just done. He feels Clara’s body tense up, but not in the way that indicates pleasure. Goosebumps form on his arms and a chill runs down his spine. Oh no.

“What did you say?”

Dan tries to salvage the situation by quickly closing his eyes and pretending he didn’t hear her. A really cheap cop out he knows, but it’s always worth a shot. He can feel Clara start to relax again, and they both finish soon after. They lay there underneath the black and white duvet in silence, catching their breath. “Baby?” Dan’s body tenses up. He knew he wouldn’t get out of this one. “What did you say earlier? I couldn’t understand you.” Right, Dan. You can either lie to her and make her happy, or tell her the truth and potentially end the relationship. You’ve got one shot at this. Don’t mess it up.

Dan puts on a soft smile. “I just said…yeah.” He drags out the “yeah”, putting on a smirk and raising his eyebrows playfully. She laughs quietly, reaching up to play with one of Dan’s stray curls. “Look at this little curl.” “You’re gonna play with my hair when it’s all sticky with sweat?” Clara nods. “You dork.” Dan replies, and they both laugh as Clara leans over to give him a soft kiss. “I’m gonna go get cleaned up a bit. I’ll be back, love.” She whispers. Dan nods as she gets up to retrieve her clothing, the old mattress squeaking with the shift in weight. Once she has her tank top and shorts on, she slips out of the bedroom and sneakily pads over to the bathroom halfway across the apartment. It’s times like this where Dan wishes he had an on-suite. He wonders if Phil is sitting in the lounge.

Dan takes this time to reflect on what’s just happened, his face dropping almost as soon as she’s out of view. If only she knew. After composing himself and wiping himself clean with a few tissues, he sloppily throws on his jeans and a white T-shirt, making his way out to the lounge. Surely enough, Phil is there.

“Hey.” Phil smiles when he sees a disheveled Dan. “Rough night?” “Yeah.” Dan mutters with a sigh, plopping his exhausted form on their sofa beside him. “You could say that.” Phil laughs. “Nice.” Easy for him to say.

Clara emerged from the bathroom, walking over to both of them and giving a friendly nod to Phil. “Hey, Clara.” Phil addressed her. “Hi, Phil.” There was an awkward pause, and the kind of feeling that one gets when there are things being left unsaid. “I’m going to be heading out now, Dan.” Clara stated. “Right. Good to see you, love.” Dan replied, standing up to give her a chaste hug and kiss and see her out. Clara runs her fingers through her curly blonde hair and grabs her purse, waving a final goodbye to her boyfriend before closing their front door behind her.

Now the house is unusually quiet. Things always get like this when another person leaves and it’s just them two again. Neither Dan nor Phil ever know how to get a conversation started or do much of anything after Dan brings his girlfriend over. “I’m going to take a shower.” Dan mutters, practically dragging his feet towards the bathroom. Once he’s under the spray he just stands there, allowing the salty sweat and hopefully his guilt to wash off and spin down the drain. He cleans himself up, squeezing the last bit of body wash out of its plastic container and opening a new bottle of shampoo. Shutting off the water, he calls to Phil for a towel. Soon, he’s back out in the lounge, comfortably laying across the sofa with pajamas and a blanket. He listens to the sound of his sheets that he hastily threw in the wash, the low rumble of the washing machine oddly soothing in an otherwise completely silent room. Phil has made his escape to his room by this point. Surely he doesn’t want to know what’s wrong with me.

His phone suddenly vibrates. Of course, it’s none other than Clara. It seems like he can’t escape what happened tonight.

You didn’t say yeah, did you?

A second text comes through moments later.

Tell me the truth Daniel. I want to be sure you’re okay. You seemed off before I left.

-Baby I’m fine

-No you’re not. Don’t lie to me Dan.

-I’m serious.

For a while neither of them respond. He stares at the messages for a moment, and before he registers what he’s doing, he sends a response that he can’t take back.

I said phil.

He stares up at the ceiling, softly cursing to himself as he realizes what he has jeopardized. It takes about twenty minutes for Clara to text him back.

I didn’t know you still had feelings for him.

He glances back at Phil’s door, wishing that the lights weren’t turned off, and hoping that his companion would emerge from his room and save him.

- I didn’t know either.

- Call me.

- Are you mad? I’m sorry Clara.

- It’s fine. Just call me.

Dan freezes. It takes him so long to form a coherent thought that Clara ends up being the one to call him. He answers quickly. “Clara, I’m so sorry. I really am. I didn’t want to lie to you, I really didn’t. I just didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t realize that-.” “Dan. Stop. Just stop. I get it. I knew.”

“Y-you did?”

“I could tell that things were never going to work out for us long term. It was just the way that you looked at Phil whenever he was in the room with us. There was this longing in your eyes that I had never seen you repeat with me. At first I thought maybe it’ll be different, but over the past few months I’ve seen that that’s not the case. Just know that I’m not mad at you for liking him. I just would rather you have not said his name during sex.” They both let out short breathy chuckles. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” “I don’t mean to obsess over what you said, but I just haven’t been able to think of much else since I left.” “Yeah. Me too.”

“So… what do you want to do now, Clara?”

There was a long pause. She sighs.

“I would not be mad at you for going after him. Take the chance, Dan. He loves you. I can see it.”

“Y-you really mean it?”

“Yes.” Clara laughs. “Just as long as I can be invited to your wedding.”

“Of course you can be invited.” Dan jokes. “I would very much like us to remain friends.” He can feel her smiling through the phone. “I would too. Good luck, Dan.” “Thank you, Clara.”

There’s one final thing she says before the call ends. “You’re welcome. Farewell.”

There’s an odd feeling in his chest after he’s greeted with the silence once again. It almost feels as if the breakup he just experienced was too easy. Just over an hour ago he was having sex with her, and now they’re just friends, as easy as that. It isn’t the same gut-wrenching heartbreak that he’s used to. It’s more of a warm feeling in his heart, as if his life has just gained a new perspective. While he still has that comforting warmth in his veins, he allows his body to sink down into the sofa, and before he can drag himself back up to retrieve his sheets from the wash, he’s asleep.

When he wakes up, he’s mysteriously wrapped underneath a blanket, and his towel has disappeared from its spot on the floor. The smell of freshly cooked bacon wafts from the kitchen, and he can hear Phil whistling quietly. He sits up and stretches, the blanket falling from his shoulders. “Morning, Dan.” Phil walks in with a large plate of bacon and toast, setting it down on the coffee table for them to share. “So, what’s the plan for today? Are we gonna film something before you go see your girlfriend tonight?” Dan clears his throat. “Um, you mean ex-girlfriend?” Phil looks up from his toast. “What? What do you mean ex-girlfriend? You guys seemed fine last night.” “I mean, we were fine.” Dan begins, not sure how to continue the conversation. “She called me last night after you’d gone to bed because I had said some things that she was thinking about. But it’s okay, we ended it on good terms.” Phil’s expression registers disbelief. “I didn’t even hear you talking to her. What did you say that made her call you?” Dan can feel his throat tightening. Oh no. He laughs nervously as he begins to speak again. “Umm, it’s nothing really. Don’t worry about it.” Phil raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. “Doesn’t seem like nothing to me, Danny.” Dan still found it hard to breathe at this point. God, how do I tell him?

“Oh, well you know, we were talking about how you and I are really good friends and…” He clears his throat again. “She just felt like she was getting in the way of our relationship. I mean, friendship.” Shit. Come on, Dan. Keep it together. Keep your voice steady. He can almost see the wheels turning in Phil’s brain. “But I mean, it was a mutual breakup, so there’s nothing to worry about. It’s all fine. I’m fine.” He can’t help but notice his companion’s expression to be completely serious now. The tension in the air makes Dan want to run out of the apartment entirely, and he doesn’t even exercise. “Dan…”

“You still remember that night in 2009, don’t you?”

Dan swallows hard. He’s barely able to squeak out a reply. “Yes. How could I forget it?”

Phil’s eyes scan Dan’s body and fixate on a small hickey on his neck from the night before. “Do you still feel the same way as you did then?” Dan can feel himself start to shake a little with nervousness. There’s a certain attractiveness to Phil when he’s searching Dan’s body with a hunger that could never have been sated before this. “I don’t know.” Dan murmurs. Phil smirks and laughs to himself. “I know I do. That’s why I’ve never dated anyone since then. I was waiting for you.” “Why would you wait for me?” Dan asks. “Because you’re worth the wait. Maybe Clara was on to something when she told you she didn’t want to get in the way.” “She said she knew how I felt the whole time.” Dan whispered. Neither of them speak for a moment. Phil stands up to go put the empty plate in the kitchen and walks back into the lounge, getting closer to Dan than he was before. “Dan?” “Yeah?”

“Do you want to see if you still have feelings for me?”

Dan’s heart is pounding so hard that it feels like it could explode. He nods slowly. “Can I kiss you?” Another slow nod follows. Phil moves slowly, like a snake stalking his prey, but his heart is racing as fast as Dan’s is, if not faster. He places his lips over the spot where the hickey has formed. He knows his neck is a sensitive area, and a spot that has been touched recently would be even more sensitive. He hears Dan sigh, and a small grin forms on his lips. Phil begins to move a bit faster now, tracing a path across Dan’s jaw and up to his mouth. “Phil…” Dan groans. Phil laughs. “Is that what happened last night with Clara?”

He moves to face Dan, and sees that his face has gone completely pink. “Don’t be embarrassed. It’s okay. I just didn’t know you were so easy to satisfy.” “Shut up.” Dan responds with a grin. “Make me.” Phil winks, and soon after the two lock eyes. Dan suddenly grabs his face and kisses him full on the mouth, causing Phil to let out a muffled sigh. He grabs onto the soft flannel material of Phil’s shirt, deepening the kiss with a kind of desire he hasn’t felt since that night so many years ago. They separate the kiss with a smack, grinning and laughing, relieved to be in that simple time again.

“Come on.” Phil whispers, taking Dan’s hand. “My bedsheets aren’t in the wash.”

[cuddleswithphan]

All I Wanna Do - Phanfic

Summary: Senior high school students Dan Howell and Phil Lester can’t stand each other. When they say they can’t stand each other, they mean the constant bickering out of earshot of their school play’s director. Oh, they’re in a play by the way. As the lead romantic couple. Will they be able to survive performance night? Who knows? Anything could happen.

[A/N: Bolded lines indicate actions that occur during a song/singing. Italicized lines indicate that the lines are being sung.]

Chapter One

“Alright, boys. Let’s take it from the top.”

Phil sighed, walking back over to the side of the stage. Dan did the same with a slightly loud groan, as this was their third try to get the scene right. In a perfect world, both Dan and Phil would have been fine with the practice. It was pretty simple after all. They both knew the songs to High School Musical 3, and all they had to do was sing Just Wanna Be With You and kiss. So what could possibly be the issue to make the boys not want to practice?

Maybe because they hated each other.

Perhaps hate was a bit of a strong word, but the constant bickering out of earshot of their director made Dan convinced he was hated by his costar. When Dan found out he got the lead as Troy Bolton in the school play, he was over the moon with excitement. But as soon as he found out that Phil fucking Lester would be his romantic counterpart, all of that energetic excitement dissipated at an extremely rapid rate. It had just always been strange between them, ever since he first met Phil during freshman year. They had both been exchange students from the UK to America, and the transition had been awkward for the both of them. To help them “adjust”, they had been paired up together in all of their classes, and Dan’s “annoying” antics had pushed Phil to the brink.

Being seniors now, both Dan and Phil had been determined to do more things and get more involved in the school activities. Drama club had been in their bucket lists since freshman year, and it was now or never. They had obviously not planned to join Drama in the same year, much less in the same musical. Dan had only been interested in it because he knew every single song by heart from the High School Musical soundtrack from all three movies, so he figured it would be easy memorization. He had sung You Are the Music In Me with this junior named Sophia for his audition, and had expected to land the role with her. In fact, the director, Mrs. Higgins, even said that both of them deserved the spot. When they sang together, it felt right. It felt magical. Maybe it was just the upbeat tune of You Are the Music In Me that had got to him, but both of them were grinning by the end of the song.

With Phil, it didn’t feel that way. Phil felt distant. Isolated. Cold. His face lit up when he sang, so there was no doubt that Phil loved drama and singing. It made Dan wonder if the coldness in the room was his fault.

Sophia got the role of Sharpay, by the way.

Mrs. Higgins started playing the piano to warm up for their third rehearsal of the same song. Phil cleared his throat and stared down awkwardly at the floor. Dan started his part.

I’ve got a lot of things

I have to do

All these distractions

Our future’s coming soon

And we’re being pulled

Phil joined in.

In a hundred different directions

But whatever happens

I know I’ve got you.

They were about to go through another verse of the song when all of a sudden, Mrs. Higgins stopped playing. “Stop! Stop.” She let out an exaggerated sigh. “Boys, no. You both look like you just came back from a funeral. Where’s the enthusiasm, Howell? Where’s that bright smile of yours, Lester? I feel nothing from you boys, and it’s driving me mad.”

“We’re just a bit tired.” Phil lied. “It’s almost 5:00 and we’ve been in school since 8:00 in the morning.” The director let out an exaggerated shriek of disbelief - she loves to do things very over exaggerated - and glanced up at the clock on the far end of the auditorium. “Goodness! You’re right! My apologies, boys. We’ll pick up tomorrow. Try to find your lost enthusiasm by Friday’s show, will you?�� Dan and Phil both nodded slowly, and the director trotted off with her clipboard and her coat. “Have a good night!”

As soon as Phil heard the slam of the metal door shutting behind her, he raced down to the seats to gather his things and head to his locker. He didn’t want anything else to do with Dan Howell. Thank God the show is on Friday. He thought.

It was mid-January, and the bitter force of winter had hit hard in their small town in New York. Phil really wanted to get home, to be safe from the cold until tomorrow. He tried his combination and pulled up the handle. The door didn’t budge. After two more attempts, he almost decided to just make a break for it and try again tomorrow when he saw Dan walking down the hall. He hesitated to ask, knowing that Dan probably wanted nothing to do with him as well and just wanted to get to his locker, but staying warm was more important. Dan had just barely passed him when he spoke.

“Howell.”

Dan stopped in his tracks and turned back around, facing Phil. “What do you want?” He responded bitterly, not moving from the square of tile his feet had landed on. Phil pointed to his locker door. “Locker.” Dan groaned and rolled his eyes, seemingly glancing around the empty hall for a custodian to magically replace him. With no luck, he gave in. “Ugh, fine. What’s your combo?” “20-09-22” Phil replied. Dan twisted the old dial of numbers until he reached 22 and yanked the locker open. The door rattled and shook, and two books fell out of the jam-packed space. “Jesus, Lester. Sort your damn locker out. It looks like a hurricane hit it.” “Shut up.” Phil muttered under his breath. “Hmm?” Dan asked, in a tone that implied he already knew what Phil said. “I said shut it!” Phil repeated. Dan grabbed the side of the locker door and brought it closer to Phil’s head, but stopped it just before it would have made impact. He let out a breathy laugh before walking off to his own locker on the opposite end of the hall.

Phil grabbed his backpack, shut his locker, pulled his jacket on and looped his scarf around his neck, heading out to the cold winter evening. His car was conveniently parked in the front section of the parking lot, even though that was supposed to be reserved for staff only. Unlocking it and climbing in, he shut the door and put his forehead on the steering wheel. Working with Dan was always frustrating, and he always needed a moment to decompress after rehearsals. He jumped when he heard someone tap his window, followed by a muffled “Lester”.

Without waiting for Phil to respond in any way, Dan popped open the passenger door. “Look, I don’t normally do this with anyone, but my car’s in the shop and my mom doesn’t get out of work until 6:00 tonight. Can I get a ride?”The boys just stared at each other, time seeming to freeze in the snowy evening air. “Lester, it’s fucking freezing out here. Yes or no?” Reluctantly, Phil nodded. “Sweet.”

Dan gave him basic directions to his house, and they drove in silence through the deserted streets. Being a bit bored, Dan began to sing the song he auditioned with, keeping his voice low in an effort to not be booted out of Phil’s car. He drew with the frost on the window as he sang.

Na na na na

Na na na na yeah.

You are the music in me.

You know the words “once upon a time”

Make you listen

There’s a reason.

“Howell, are you singing that song from High School Musical 2?” Phil asked, his voice slightly irritated. “Yeah. What’s it to you?” The driver shrugged, and there was silence again. Dan was surprised when he heard him mutter the same song.

When you dream there’s a chance you’ll find

A little laughter

Or happy ever after.

Dan joined in again.

Your harmony to the melody

Is echoing inside my head

A single voice above the noise

And like a common thread

Dan couldn’t help but suddenly stare at the intricate lines in Phil’s black hair as he sang the next line by himself.

Hmm, you’re pulling me.

Embarrassed, he focused his gaze back down on his fingers. He tried not to get mad at himself as they continued to sing the song exactly the same way Troy and Gabriella sang it. Dan sang Gabriella’s parts, with Phil on Troy’s parts.

When I hear my favorite song

I know that we belong.

Oh.

You are the music in me.

It’s living in all of us.

And it’s brought us here because,

You are the music in me.

Na na na na

Oh

Na na na na na

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You are the music in me.

Their voices gradually began to get louder from the whisper they started out as.

It's like I knew you before we met (Before we met)

Can't explain it (Ohh ohh)

There's no name for it (No name for it)

I'm saying words I never said

And it was easy (So easy)

Because you see the real me (I see)

Dan was suddenly aware of a smile growing on his face. He tried to magically make it disappear, but as he continued to sing with Phil, he couldn’t stop. Had he been wrong about the special connection with Sophia?

As I am

You understand

And that's more than I've ever known

To hear your voice (Hear your voice)

Above the noise (Ohh ohh)

And know I'm not alone

Oh you're singing to me

Glancing over at the driver, he noticed a smile was appearing on his face as well. How was this possible?

When I hear my favorite song

I know that we belong (Yeah ohh)

You are the music in me

It's living in all of us

And it's brought us here because

You are the music in me

Dan started using his phone as a pretend microphone at this point, waving it around with his hand, and he suddenly became aware that both of them were now singing at full volume.

Together we're gonna sing (Yeah)

We got the power to sing what we feel (What we feel)

Connected and real

Can't keep it all inside (Ohh)

Phil heard Dan hit that high note, and felt something inside him change. He was surprised with Dan, but suddenly in a more positive way than in his normal negative way. No, it wasn’t possible. He was supposed to hate him.

Na na na na (Ohh yeah)

Na na na na na (Ohh yeah)

Yeah yeah yeah (Na na na na)

You are the music in me (In me)

Na na na na (Ohh yeah)

Na na na na na (Ohh yeah)

Na na na na

You are the music in me

By this point, both of the boys were dancing in their seats and grinning, as much as they could within the restrictions of their seat belts.

When I hear my favorite song (Favorite song)

I know that we belong (We belong)

You are the music in me

Yeah it's living in all of us

It's brought us here because (Here because)

You are the music in me

Na na na na (Ohh yeah)

Na na na na (Ohh yeah)

Na na na na

You are the music in me (Yeah)

Phil pulled up to the end of Dan’s driveway, and the grins on their faces suddenly dissipated. Dan cleared his throat in an attempt to now break the fast-growing awkward silence. Had they really just done that?

“Thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow, I guess” was all he said before grabbing his backpack and walking hastily up to his front door. Phil felt the need to be sure he had a key, and once his front door had been opened and closed again, he drove off.

He can’t believe he just sang with Dan Howell...and liked it too.

[cuddleswithphan]

Just Look At Me - Phanfic

Hello everyone! I wrote a quick one shot for TATINOF Europe. It’s on Ao3 now if you want to check it out!

Just Look At Me - cuddleswithphan 

Phil has always believed that life is really random. He didn’t expect the randomness of Dan having a panic attack during one of the TATINOF Europe shows, and he certainly didn’t expect to come out during one.