#cuz bodies arent necessary

[superbellsubways]

[averys-happy-space]

my Concept of them has changed so much in the past ~4 months bro. rambling under the cut

height - ok this is a major one cuz if u search for my old height chart drawing u will see i put buster at like 6'1 i think and fang 5'8/9 or something like that. basically both were a lot taller than what i think now. thats just cuz back then i didnt hc them as trans so i gave them heights that i thought suited them based on the idea that they were cis males. but the more that ive spent time w these two and the more i think about them with the specific perception of them as trans men, the more i realised i liked it better if they were shorter to reflect avg afab heights. fang is actually my height (shoutout!) and buster is 5'8 just cuz it felt right. no real other explanation it's purely vibes based. though i will add that i dislike significant height differences so that does contribute to why i prefer having them with a difference of only 3"

age - i like middle aged men 😢 sorry

gender - do you want to hear my entire detailed transition timeline hcs for these two? no? well you clicked on read more so suck mt dick because im subjecting ypu to it anyway.

fang - starts T at 18. he does DIY HRT because 1. trans healthcarw is Balls and 2. why jump through 10 million hoops of bureaucratic nonsense when your gymbro will deal you steroids? periareolar masectomy + salpingectomy at 21. i think fang does not have strong bottom dysphoria and actually has very minimal dysphoria in general due to having grown up in a relatively accepting environment & family who has never cared if he presents masculine, hence despite having an afab body, his self concept of himself as being a man is very strong and secure. this is based on my own experience btw i could write an entire essay on why i believe dysphoria is not necessary to the trans experience due to being a result of perception and internal & external conceptualisation of oneself but that is irrelevant to this post. the point is fang lacks strong bottom dysphoria and coupled with the fact he 1. is poor and 2. does not particularly want to deal with the healing/recovery process of bottom surgery or the potential complications it can involve, this means that he does not seek out bottom surgery. eventually, the longer he is on T, the attractiveness of bottom surgery only diminishes further since i think he would havw crazy bottom growth esp after like a decade. so like there is not really any point. however i will say ive thought of it before and did decide that if fang ever did get bottom surgery, he would get ALT phallo. reason: he has thick thighs

buster - starts T at 19. he does it the legal way because he is a good boy and also is terrified of being charged with possession of illegal substances so you know. that charge is so fake btw i know and understand why T is a controlled substance but like imagine being charged with "illegal possession of testosterone". that shit is fake af. but anyway buster gets inverted T masectomy at 20 and RFF phallo + hysterectomy at 24. if you were ever curious why i draw buster with a section of his forearm shaded, this is the explanation, its the RFF scars.

sexuality - i think fang does not care about labelling himself so just uses queer. buster is gay. self explanatory

big/little spoon - i don't think either has a preference, they just do qhatever they feel like doing in the current moment, hence why thwyre both in the middle

lends/borrows clothes - heres a fun hc: the jacket that fang wears in his fanguard skin is stolen from buster and thats why its oversized.

pet names - in regular conversation i can see fang using pet names jokingly if hes teasing buster, but other than that not really. buster wouldnt use pet names in regular conversation at all either. the only reason they arent all the way left is because Bedroom Reasons. (im not explaining that hc bc i have irls who follow me)

intro/extroversion - self explanatory. fang finds comfort/energy/relaxation in interactimg with others, going out etc whereas buster finds those things in being alone. middle ground is that they both enjoy being in one another's presence without necessarily actively engaging in the same activity or talking (shoutout parallel play!)

affection - i think both of them would express affection verbally and nonverbally, its just rhat fang leans more towards words due to his nature of being extroverted- hes always seeking out ways to strike up a conversation with buster. in contrast buster leans more towards doing things for fang and touching him even if its just holding his hand.

confession - i have an entire fanfic half-written based on this because there are so many factors that go into this hc that i dont think i could adequately explain in this post. but in short, fear of abandonmenr + fear of rejection = refusal to act on feelings and denial of any chance of those feelings being reciprocated

bugs - to be completely honest i do not think either would scream or squash bugs. i think both would see a bug and, depending on the bug and where it is/what its doing, would either leave it alone or try to capture it to release it outside. basically neither of them have particularly strong reactions to bugs

car - i dont think ive ever said this on tumblr before but i hc buster has a pickup truck and fang has a motorcycle. therefore buster is further left because he would be better at driving a car since the pickup is more similar to a car than the motorcycle is. also because buster is a safer/less reckless driver

cook - fang is asian.

pda - i think they like holding hands and sneaking kisses here and there but they wpuldnt full on make out in public or something.

overprotective - fang is overprotective in the sense that he would beat the shit out of you if you talked shit about buster. buster is overprotective in the sense that he is constantly trying to convince fang to Not Do stupid things. (this does not stop fang from Doing those things anyway and suffering the consequences of it.) both of them would probably jump in front of oncoming traffic to save the other if they had to. but ultimately they do trust each other and even if they think the other is making a bad choice, if theyre insistent on it then they won't interfere and will simply offer support and comfort if things go haywire.

relationship experience - fang has more experience technically but most of his past relationships were fwb or just very surface level due to him being unwilling to show vulnerability even to those who were supposed to be closest to him. buster has some experience but none were particularly good

[bowserpunk-vevo]

i wanna share some of my favourite stims with all yall :D for some time ive been looking for ways to handle... the whole being alive thing... and id have really liked to have seen some stims that arent as common, cuz those dont do me *that* much good :0 (they are still great, these in the list are just better for me !!!) okay so here they are, in no particular order !!! 1. music - it gets me pumped up when needed, but also calmed down, or motivated, or helps me think/not think, and helps me feel things more or, when necessary, less !!!

2. cooking - its my version of working out, im in a flow state, its fun and repetative, but not *too* repetative, and i enjoy eating a lot too so its a win win !!!

3. walking - i just enjoy walking a lot :0 standing too, but walking especially !!! i do it just for fun, or if im thinking about something. walking is especially an activity for when im in physical pain :0

4. things touching my face - idk, its just nice !!! i mostly do it when im happy or content, and it goes best with laying down and being wrapped up in a blanket so that it also touches my face !!!

5. humming/singing - this is also a happy stim !!! i mostly do it when im very very excited, but sometimes its just a fun thing to do :D

6. squinting - this one is for when im experiencing a too strong positive emotion :0 mainly happens in conversations with my lovely partner in crime, but sometimes when a character in media i enjoy is doing something emotional

7. pressure/touch - a more basic one... i enjoy feeling some kind of pressure somewhere on my body !!! so much so, that i cant fall asleep unless im either laying on my arms, or under a heavy blanket. also when im in physical pain, it makes me feel better when im roughly stroking my legs or arms

8. idk if this is a stim, but sometimes i have to unfocus my gaze for a few seconds... idk why, it just feels nice, so im adding it too ! it is in my control, but i dont think about it so it surprises me lol :P

9. Helluva Boss - dont lynch me, i am aware of the controversial nature of it... it just skratches an itch in my brain so much :0 the animation especially, with those designs and all !!! and the voice acting too, especially Blitzo, he just sounds funky :0 i enjoy watching compilations of the show, cuz then i dont have to focus on the plot or anything, just get the good chemicals in my brain !!!

10. fangs/claws - i enjoy watching fangs and claws move aroud :0 like gifs of animals, or cosplayers, or cgi/animated creatures !!! still images are also good, but animated is better !!! if theres a tag with stimboard with just claws or fangs id pay for that :0/lh

i think 10 is enough for now :D these are some of my fave stims, and hopefully this list was of some use for yall, if only for a fun read :D !!! see ya laterz, my dudes :)

[slashingdisneypasta]

Ram Sweeney x Reader || Headcanons

Topic: Dating HC's

Notes:

*Sigh*... I write regularly write for creeps like Freddy Krueger and Offenderman... and am one of the few tumblrs that write for Sheriff Hoyt romantically... and yet Kurt and Ram are my real guilty pleasure characters.

Anyway I hope someone other then me wanted this XDD I'm gonna do a Kurt one too.

Warnings: Some NSFW but not explicit.

Your song: The Way I Loved You (Taylor Swift)

He respects my space and never makes me wait

And he calls exactly when he says he will

He's close to my mother, talks business with my father

He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable

...

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

And it's 2:00 a.m. and I'm cursing your name

So in love that you act insane

And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kinda rush

And I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

You two as a TV/Movie/Book couple: Bianca Piper and Wesley Rush (The DUFF)

Having the kind of relationship that no one else understands at all. Like, you have nothing in commen except commen history and your feelings for each other (Which are, on the other hand, totally clear to everyone) but when you're together you're always laughing and being affectionate.

Being in an on and off relationship throughout middle school and highschool- but never and I repeat; Never, is anyone permitted to mess with you at all. Because Ram always considers you his, even when you arent together.

So yeah, you always have 2 (Ram, and Kurt) large football star bodyguards at your disposal.

Being very playful together.

SOOOOoooooo much PDA. Including: Making out in the hallways and at school events like football games (You dont care who sees), sitting in his lap or at least squished close to his side at lunch, him throwing you over his shoulder to carry you places, him giving you piggy back rides, him picking you up and twirling you around, him just standing behind you with his arms around your waist and his chin rested on your shoulder when he's bored (With everything but you), his arm being over your shoulders as you walk together, you wiping peanut butter on his nose to get a rise out of him and then running away so he'll chase you, you peppering his face with kisses to make him laugh, etc.

Having a turbulent relationship. Because while, when all is well you two are like peanut butter and jelly and seem like the perfect highschool sweethearts, when you arent it's because Ram has gotten really jealous over something and called you a terrible name (Skank, whore, slut, bitch- any of those) or you understandably got irritated by his bullying and/or being a perverted, sexist asshole and you have huge, blow out fights in the middle of school and by the end of the period the whole student body knows about it.

You give him the silent treatment and the cold shoulder after those (If you didnt break up, that is) and he sends Kurt to give you messages.

When you make up its because he sincerely apologises although he doesn't 100% understand what he did wrong which becomes part of the next fight.

As you've been together so very long, he is basically part of your fucking family. He's so familiar and casual with your parent/s and/or sibling/s. They love him so much that, whether you're with him at the time or not, they allow him into the house and your bedroom with a cup of tea and snacks. (Its the 'American dream' popular-boy / football-star thing.)

So yeah, sometimes when you're mad at him or he wants to get back together (Which generally you want to do, to. You honestly have the same biological timer. Its like, 3 weeks pass by of being broken up and then ding ding ding! You both get the feelings its time to get back together and start sharing grins in the hallway and talking to your friends about eachother) you'll just find him waiting for you in your room when you come home.

Hanging out a looooooot with Kurt. Movie nights at your place, hanging out at the mall together on weekends sneaking out to see them at the football field at night time, etc. When you're sad, they'll both turn up wherever you are to cheer you up, too! Goofballs.

This does not mean there arent times where Ram shoo's Kurt off, though, when you two want some alone time together (*Eyebrow wiggles*) because of course. I'm just saying, you're a close-knit group.

When you are alone together, not much changes from when you're around others honestly XD You're still just as playful and affectionate. You just, you know, also have sex.

When he's down, you rusk your graceful image and climb through his bedroom window to be there with him. You dont fuck, you dont even really kiss. You just climb into bed with him and he'll tuck you under his chin and close his eyes. Legit old married couple. And you two sleep- by morning, he usually feels better and refuses to let you get out of bed with him.

"Five more minutessssss, babe!" He whines, holding you against him and pressing kisses to your head. You know he'll just say that again in 5 minutes time- and over, and over, and over again.

"Oh- no. I've been caught in this trap before Ram. We have school, so we have to get up. Come on!" You push firmly at his stomach (or abs) with your fists; not that that does much as he just just groans or gathers your little wrists in one big fist to stop you (Either way he certainly doesn't even flinch). His eyes are still closed. You sigh.

Now you have two choices, you can either give in and snuggle back into him for the rest of the morning, or threaten to send an attack towards his groin and he'll literally fling himself outta bed. Like "OH LOOK AT THE TIME- Kurt's gonna be waiting for us outside. Lets go!"

There are also mornings that you wake up with him (No sad Ram the night before necessary) and are all too happy to stay there with him. You just adorably nod into his chest, eyes still closed and making the cutest half-asleep morning sound when he asks if you wanna stay here a bit longer and he happily pulls the blanket over both your heads; shielding you both from the real world for a while.

OKAY MOVING ON FROM THAT FLUFFINESS.

You are also the only person who has any sort of control over him and Kurt. Like you can take them down a few pegs with just a look.

You two do date other people when you're broken up but its clear to anyone watching that these are just nice place holders for eachother. Neither of you are ever as happy with others as you are with eachother. You're ridiculously in love, actually.

Ypu were the first one to say I Love You, and he immediately called Kurt for guidance XD

Places you've had sex (Because it is always the full monty with Ram): Both your bedrooms so so so many times, the school bathrooms, his car, Kurts car (Kurt was NOT pleased.), the back of the football field, under the bleachers during a game or pep rally (he was benched for being too violent) + under the bleachers during practise + under the bleachers when the football field is deserted, the back of the school, the faculty parking lot at school, Kurts and Heather Chandler's houses (Parties. Basically a Westerburg High party is not complete without Y/N L/N and Ram Sweeney breaking in someones bed), his parent's car, the woods, cow pasture (a picnic blanket was used), and finally some mall changing rooms.

You leave him messages on his answering machine. He listens to every one of them (Which means something because he doesnt listen to anyone elses, unless he's gotta get through them to get to yours).

Him being SUCH a jealous asshole (With everyone except Kurt).

HIM STANDING UP TO THE HEATHERS FOR YOU.

#PromKingAndQueen

Having Kurt "Smartest guy on the football team," Kelly be your (Occasionally, live in- yes, he has slept over with the two of you on the floor so he could break up fights) couples councellor. Often his advice is 'fuck it out' but he also comes up with oddly wise shit sometimes. Mostly he's just very exasperated though. Like, its obvious you two are gonna end up together- stop bothering me with this shit. Let me get some pussy for myself guys please-

You two getting a bit frisky on movie nights with Kurt and he throws stuff at you. He just starts bringing a pool noodle (That he drew an angry face onto) along with him and hitting y'all with it whenever he feels its necessary. Cuz I mean, on one hand, of course he's happy for his bro Ram that he's getting his dick wet, but on the other- ITS FUCKIN MOVIE NIGHT, PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER FOR T W O S E C O N D S (Oh the irony- it does indeed escape him). He'll park his ass right in the middle of you two if you keep it up.

If he had survived, you and Ram would have broken up after graduation and spent college apart, before bumping into each other again back home as new (Improved. Especially him) people that fit together better now and ended up getting back together for good.

[strawberrybabydog]

how can you have the heel of your foot shaved off? is that a real procedure? :O

it's not a "real" procedure in the sense that it's never been done (at least as far as my research goes.) the heels of my feet just cause me big dysphoria bc ew im supposed to have paws what is this weird chunk

it would involve removing or at least shaving down my calcaneus bone which. is kind of necessary to most bipedalism. i do toe-walk way more than i care to admit, but honestly shaving off my heel would just cause so many problems that it's not really worth it... so it's more of a dream surgery than something realistic

sadly human bodies arent made to be bipedal in general so any surgeries which threaten that in any way can lead to bad things. cuz surprise human bodies are also not made for quadropedalism either!

[auntbibby]

I Can’t See That You’re Innocent When I Glance At Your Body Therefor You Must Not Be Trying As Hard To Be Innocent As I Am

[content/trigger warning: emotional abuse, suicide, sexual abuse, ableism, the fate-worse-than-death fantasy trope being used to explain a sociopolitical concept]

almost all of the difference between what is a pathological disorder and what is just having different biology from another human being is based on whether it makes it noticeably/significantly/urgently harder for u to function as part of society. even a genetic glitch that Causes You To Suffer Constantly 24/7 Forever will never end up being deemed as pathological by doctors if you hide it from other people really well, right? cuz how would they know how severely traumatizing it is for you internally, in your mind, if all they can do is measure it externally, in real life, with science?

this is why things like autism or tourette syndrome or chronic exhaustion or chronic pain, which are often called "invisible disabilities", garner a lot less empathy than a PHYSICAL/VISIBLE disability like a broken arm, or cerebral-palsy, simply because other people can immediately see the problem and immediately know not to ask you to take responsibility for something you obviously are incapable of doing.

in contrast, the majority of the therapy that is offered to the autistic for example, is mainly just teaching them to suppress their expressions of what theyre going thru, so that neurotypical people dont have to realize theyre asking way too much of the autistic community. the neurotypicals dont even realize how painful it is for us even just to eat a VARIETY of food rather than the same foods our entire life, or to wear more clothes than a t-shirt and maybe a skirt, or to sit nearby an electric light and have to listen to it buzz for hours at a frequency that neurotypicals can also hear, but tend to ignore due to the difference in how they PROCESS their sensory data.

some people even say that psychopathy, narcissistic personality disorder or even pedophilia are probably caused by mental or neurological problems just like depression or schizophrenia or hypervigilance are, which means that capacity for these people to cause harm is biologically reduced, regardless of how much they try not to cause harm; they literally have a harder time NOT making the world worse, compared to other people... it takes more effort from them to not horrifically-abuse others than it takes from the average person, entirely due to either genetics or the childhood abuse that shaped THEIR neurology, neither of which is really their fault at all.

so when we look thru decades of research and see that the best way to prevent them from causing harm is to make it EASIER for them to not cause harm (A.K.A. funding uniquely-tailored disability assistance programs for them to teach them how to lessen or redirect their inherent impulses to harm) and then change our mind and turn away in disgust at the prospect? not wanting to offer anything to the worst criminals of our society? thats not just denying the loathsome reality of the situation, but also contributing to why they still continue to CAUSE such terrible soul-crushing harm in the first place: because the able-bodied are not there to rescue them from their own morally-broken basal ganglias, like they wouldn’t hesitate to for someone whose fingers were replaced with dangerous knives ala edward scissorhands. we need to be able to visually see that the inherent harmfulness is external to you AT A GLANCE, or we will automatically assume you arent even trying to be a good person

those who see a narcissist finally admit they WERE faking their suicide attempts to avoid abandonment at literally any cost, due to the moral-compass-overpowering severity of their abandonment-issues, and cry out “OKAY COOL SO YOUVE REACHED A POINT WHERE YOU CAN START TO REDUCE HOW MUCH HARM YOU CAUSE. THAT OBLIGATES NO SYMPATHY FROM ME!!!!! YOU STILL MADE THAT PERSON INTO A CATATONIC HUSK. YOU ARE NO LESS WORTHY OF HELL THAN BEFORE” without any regard for how their (admittedly 100%-justified) insults affect the narcissists development towards normalcy, are the same as those who wish that more people were traumatized into catatonic self-torture in the future.

these people are like this not because they are fairytale villains but because their brain tells them it is good or even necessary to be this way. this can theoretically be altered just like any other biological phenomenon, if one knows how and has the technology, possibility & motivation to do it... but nobody would be interested in medically-healing a “bad person” into a “good person” even if we DID magically jump ahead in our scientific understanding of the human brain by 50 years overnight... because the “bad person’s” limbs and mouth and head and face have already done bad things, and we don’t care what systems of their brain had control over them. locked-in syndrome is bad enough, but being locked into a body that doesnt stop harming no matter how much u tell it to, only just slows down or suppresses the harm a little bit? thats beyond the comprehension of most people, despite it effectively already being the case for The mAJORITy of neurological disorders, whenever their symptoms are severe enough.

[pinksparklelps]

Friendly run on crob is awful for me

Im like “ok ok sparky you can do this. Gotta do missions and this is necessary i dont need to talk to them”

And when the run starts i freeze and then “get me out get me out get me out get me out get me out get me o-“

I hate having social anxiety a lot of the time

More rant under cut about how much I HATE how people act toward me saying i have social anxiety

Ive been diagnosed with anxiety and social anxiety so i know why i do this stuff but its still annoying and extremely stressful

Whenever im gotta talk to someone i get panicked and i always feel like ill either 1) just leave 2) have a panic attack

I hate when people are just “socially anxious? Cmon youre just shy here talk to this person you dont know itll help” its literally a mental disorder my mom researches this stuff for her work, i have multiple mental illnesses, i had to research some for a project i KNOW that social anxiety isnt just being shy. Theres a reason is put under ANXIETY DISORDERS like you have generalized anxiety, panic disorder, SOCIAL anxiety, ect. Its not something you just brush off

Social situations are normal for almost everyone and arent seen as how im gonna describe my experience in any. Whenever i have to talk to anyone, or feel like i wanna talk to someone, i go into fight or flight. And my immediate response to ANY fight or flight situation is to freeze. Everyday conversations normally arent supposed to trigger fight or flight but for me and maybe some others it does. THATS social anxiety.

I hate how people think well just ‘get over it’ once we start talking to people for once. No! That makes us more scared! Lemme tell you, the masks weve had to wear for 2-3 years now has given me more confidence to talk! Because 1) i might have body/facial dysmorphia and 2) im aware no one can SEE its me talking or that i may react ‘inappropriately’ to something because im also on the autism spectrum

Think of this, ptsd. People will hear that and know what that is. Trauma caused by something that triggers them to act a certain way. Ptsd is an anxiety disorder. You wont tell someone with ptsd to just walk it off right? What makes other anxiety disorders so different? They wont be on the same level sure, but they cause a ton of stress to our minds. And multiple studies have shown long-term stress is damaging to your physical and mental health

Social anxiety or generalized anxiety is no less real than depression or autism. Thats why we ask a medical professional to diagnose us. Cuz you have no idea what youre talking about.

Like, autism was hard to get diagnosed for me. Cuz apparently its harder to see in females. So i spent a lot of my years acting ‘unusually’ and everyone thought “shes too distracted” or “just grow up already” when i hyperfixate on ‘childish’ shows. Ive been selectively mute for forever!!! Because SOO many people dont know how to support a mentally ill child. Im quiet because i dont wanna say the wrong thing. Im quiet because i feel like a failure. Im quiet because i feel like i dont belong. Im quiet because no one listens to me. Im quiet because whenever i try to reach out for help it always ends with me feeling even worse.

My french teacher in 9th grade. I was gone for a month to recover from surgery. When i came back, she acted like i was never gone. Like i knew what we were doing. Then shoving me into a call with someone i didnt know despite all teachers being told about my social anxiety. My mom sent an email and what did we get back? A message saying how i will never be on level with the other students. That i wasnt doing anything right. That i should just drop out of that class. That crushed me so hard. Ive always loved french culture and wanted to learn the language so bad. Thats why i started taking french in 8th grade with an amazing teacher who looked at my drawings before class and actually listened about my concerns of being in the same class with my bully. Ever since i heard that email i havent tried to learn french again. Words have a serious fucking impact.

My parents had to fight so hard against my old school to get me my iep. I never got it because this school is WAY more supportive and i can actually use my 504 here. My old school refused and refused to listen when we had a physical diagnosis of what was wrong with me! I failed 9th grade because they refused to accommodate me! Thats why i have to make up those credits this year on edgenuity! Because that school was SO stupid that they only gave my brothers ieps and then DECLINED the existence of my struggles. Ive cried so many times over it because i felt like i could never belong and that i was just a failure. This is not how you ‘help students get a proper education’ you want to help me? LOOK AT MY GODDAMN DIAGNOSIS AND GIVE ME A LEARNING PLAN

I fucking hate that school. I hate people brushing off mental illnesses as “youre just sad” “grow up”

Help us properly for once why dont you?

[kosmicdream]

hi i just discovered your webcomic !! i very much love it a lot and i was wondering if yo could maybe clear up the worm's anatomy ? cuz like, one minute they have boobs except its referred to as a he and then it has a dick but its still a queen ? don't get me wrong its insanely cool but if you would be so kind as to enlighten me on the subject it would be very much appreciated !! keep up the good work !!

I’ve been getting a lot of new readers and I think its been a while since i’ve gotten questions about this, so I suppose I don’t mind recirculating some information again. Hopefully i can cover a little bit more of the deeper nuances about worms and their relationship to gender/sex/pronouns that i haven’t talked about before. Its best to keep in mind that pronouns and also body parts (genitals/breasts, ect) arent always indicative of gender or sex. I think this is safe to say this is true for.. even outside of my story.

**SOME SPOILERS BELOW IF YOU HAVENT READ THE ENTIRE COMIC... SORRY I RAMBLED***

Anyway-- In the case of hydragora worms (which ill focus on as they are the ones with the king/queens classifications), their pronouns are not even exactly related to their genders or sex at all! but rather the type of ‘class’ of worm they are. Technically, all worms are able to lay eggs and also fertilize them. there are no “girl” or “boy” worm. Sometimes their rituals with how this process happens are different depending on what kind of worm they are, but they are all able to shape-shift their bodies to look how they want-- well, based on what they eat-- so body parts like boobs and genitals are really just accessories. For some worms, they’re important parts of their body that help make them comfortable, for others they couldnt give a fuck about what is swinging around. it really depends on the individual. Worms can mate without even having any visible genitals just as long as they squirm around in the necessary fun fluids with some sort of .. open.. orifice to absorb it with.... worm sex can be real damn freaky i wont get into it rn.

Back to the pronouns though. What does it mean??? Well, Kings do not actually mean male and Queens do not mean female..Even though we humans generally associate these pronouns/words with male and female! To make it as simple as i can, I try to explain or ask others to think of it like..Kings (he/him) - Typical characteristics: Lazy, Important, Need to be worshipped and protected. Very sexually appealing. Also have mysterious powers. Often have little weird crowns.Queens (she/her) - Characteristics: generally very large, can regenerate, specifically hunt down kings to kill them. Super strong. Generally have cool looking tails for some reason. Very colorful because that is useful for intimidation and showing off how strong they are.Regular worms: want to worship kings + protect them, also desire to become knights. technically speaking-- i would say that the lack of pronouns is the most ‘suitable’ pronoun to describe them. some even casually adopt he/she/they pronouns but usually in the space of interacting with other species. anyway, they’re loyal and subservient. knight worms: the special king-appointed upgrade of regular worms, they often adopt he/him pronouns through this process but it is reflective of their close bond with their king. (the very simple format is thinking the three basic worm genders as LAZY, MURDER and WORSHIP.)

*ok more specific character spoilrs below YOUUUVE BEEN WARNNNED IM WARNING YOOOU ok done warning**

Some worms break from this system and try to reinvent or reinterpret pronouns for their own while still interacting with worm culture/society. A couple examples of worms that do this are Agent Paper and Nail. (although really, its hard to think what worm character in ffak does not do this lol) Paper is a woman wishes to be viewed/treated as a woman by ANY species she interacts with. But! this doesnt mean she identifies as being a queen worm however- even tho she uses she/her pronouns. She just is a female worm. That identity is important to her even if, for a worm, it is far more ‘binary’ way of thinking than worms typically exhibit. Other worms will probably view her as a wanna-be-human or close minded. But just because the majority of worms are very fluid in many aspects of their gender/bodies/identity/sexuality doesn’t mean paper has to conform to this fluidity as well. The idea of a ‘Binary Gender’ for worms is typically very confusing (or an example of someone who is misinformed) to those who understand that worms generally do not adhere to a binary system. Especially for a worm who is NOT trying to disguise themselves as a human and integrate with human society (Aka, like Dylan who mostly interacts with humans and generally tries to remove herself from worm culture/society completely. Dylan does not even WANT to be considered a worm while paper still LOVES being a worm and associating herself with worms. shes just a woman worm. dylan is a woman. just not a worm woman. she will begrudgingly accept she is still technically a worm, but the identity of woman is less important to her and is more just the default of being viewed as a cis lady by humans and dylan is like ‘yeah whatevs’.)Nail is a queen worm, which typically have she/her pronouns, but he goes by he/him pronouns and also is fairly assertive of that. However, this doesnt mean he is a man or wishes to be viewed a ‘Man’ or ‘Male' (specifically) or even as a “King.” its more like... his own interpretation of what he/him means, which is about authority, dominance and most importantly: power. If he would pick a ‘binary gender sort of thing’ (while rolling his eyes bc he thinks its stupid while also thinking its important enough to get annoyed at when people dont respect his pronouns) he would pick being a man and would vehemently reject being viewed as a woman, but in a more deeper level that is not actually how he sees his he/him pronouns as a man thing. (even between being NB/male/female he would still pick man because that just seems ‘direct to the point.’ and satisfying) He also generally rejects the label of Queen worm too, but will begrudgingly or unenthusiastically accept that he is one. He is also considered an ‘odd’ queen because he is very small in stature and generally has muted colors of browns/tans instead of flashy ones. He has been teased at this too that he wasnt QUEEN enough by being so small and puny lmao.

To backtrack a little, As worms integrate with human society, or even hekatons (which that species also mimics a lot of human society), they will often adopt the ideology and system of how pronouns are used. Or at least, will be forced to process how other species will view them based on the shared language of using the same words, despite it meaning many different things... to not only groups of people but also on the individual level. I think thats an important thing to consider that there are many different dynamics, interpretations and journeys interacting all at once and influencing each other and are constantly evolving and branching out. Even the lines between what is a king/queen/other worms really ARE is blurry because its all on a spectrum of.. various physical characteristics and behaviors.

And to go into EVOLUTION and BLURRY LINES... As we can see with a worm like, Jacket for example... while he is specifically NOT a king, he is also more like a unique blend of features from queens/regular worms and also knights. because he WANTS to be a knight he already uses he/him pronouns despite not actually having a king already and hasnt even gone through the specific knighting process. Jacket sees He/him as words that mean total loyalty to the king. Whoever the king is. And if someone were to try to put him in a specific box of queen/king/knight/regular worm they would be unable to place him b/c he is something else unique entirely. and while jacket uses he/him pronouns i think at the core of it he literally does not give a fuck about language at all, or genders, or labels. those are all nonsense things. he relies only on instinct and desire.

Phew. ok I could ramble on and describe every one of my worm characters, but I’ll leave it at there for now. Crimson is even more confusing bc she is a fucking hybrid human/mandragora worm, using a goddamn hydragora body, and has like 2 other clone heart selves and all this other fucking bullshit. i have been writing this for like an hour. lmao

I hope some of this is communicates at least, its a little difficult to orchestrate and articulate all the levels operating here at once in a simple-to-digest manner. the fun thing about ffak at least is that if you dont want to think about this stuff you dont really have to--although id think it enriches the experience a bit.

[barelynakedthoughts]

I've been having a tough time with someone lately. I'll do my best not to name them or make any reference to our relationship specifically. Just a general vent on behaviors that have been damaging to my mental and emotional state during this pregnancy.

When someone says "you're like a [insert relationship identifier] to me", you expect to be treated and loved similarly to their comparison. Yet lately, it just feels like they don't really think of me that way...they just want to keep me on their good side. They just want me to like them enough so they can get their way. When push comes to shove, they have made every decision to disrespect my decisions about privacy for myself and our family.

We desire to protect our child from unnecessary harm on social media. We want to remain reserved for the sake of others who are struggling with infertility still...we also want this time to ourselves to decompress from constant disappointment. We have been blessed and we have truly been humbled. We've asked for just the smallest amount of privacy and support from those close to us. This shouldn't be unreasonable. Honestly, it's only incomprehensible to some because of the social media culture we live in.

They have no clue what it was like to cry every month for two years over something we were trying for.

I was finally able to give up a 13-year eating disorder to help us have this baby...does no one realize how bad I wanted this? Does no one realize how important something must have been for me to break out of addiction? I stopped something that nothing else could stop me from doing...all for the sake of this child. It was the best decision of my life but I'm only a small reason of why I made this decision. There was no guarantee giving up this disorder would let us have a kid...PCOS does not care, but I made the leap anyways for the small chance that something would work. No, I dont fully think our success this time around is based on saving my body from an eating disorder, but it definitely played a huge role. My body was able to learn to be a body again in the process without all the pressures of constant vomiting and restricting. Without the pressures of self-demoralization because of my weight...I learned to live and then life was granted to me. My entire world was brought to its knees and I'm extremely grateful for it.

They weren't there for the nights my husband couldn't console me. They weren't there for the fights we had that were never directed towards each other...they weren't there for the short lived excitement when a doctor prescribed a new treatment. The little bit of hope we got when we started a new round of something that had unknown possibles that weren't shrouded in failed attempts yet. They just weren't there. They were only living in their land of "buck up, it'll happen eventually."

They also dont understand how their words can be hurtful. Telling someone the legitimacy of their life is dependent on their familial relationship and not their actual love and affection for someone is insulting. This one probably requires more context, but I'm not going to give it right now. Just remember that you can love someone just as much as you can love someone else. Don't let anyone tell you your love doesn't count because you don't fit a certain arbitrary requirement that demeaning person has created for themselves.

We see their actions with others who are supposed to be just like us to them. We see how much they treat them better...and how they show affection in more endearing ways to the others. We see how we are on the bottom of their totem pole...even though they say we mean everything to them.

Maybe I'm too emotional from all the hormones, but I'm saddened by this treatment. I could be overreacting and that's fine...maybe I'll look back on this one day and realize it was just all in my head. For now, my brain has been sad. I've been feeling like there is no point in life because I've resolved that combatting their negativity is a heavy burden that I don't want to do. I've felt the emptiness of suicidal thoughts again...and it feels wrong. I feel like I'm betraying my baby with these thoughts. I can see how women fact postpartum depression so easily...

-----

Additionally, my body dysmorphia is raging. I'm ashamed of myself while desiring to be content. I feel happy that I'm pregnant and I am very okay with how my body is growing to take care of the little one...but I'm getting bigger and my mind can't help but be cruel to myself. It's always painful to see pictures of myself because I've never been particularly photogenic. Candid shots destroy my confidence and they riddle my brain with horrendous and degrading obsessions. So nowadays, things are just getting worse and worse...plus I'm being compared to someone who is 5 weeks ahead of me all the time. They're getting really big, they're so stretched cuz they're so small. These are words I've heard said right after I say one sentence about myself. The conversations steers directly to the other person and I feel left out. Why arent they saying anything about me when I'm right here? Do I not matter...am I nothing to them? Why did they even bring it up in the first place? Nothing makes sense and I'm left to belittle my mind.

I've chosen this path for myself, I know. It's rather self-demoralizing to focus on all of this. I personally wish I could forget about it all and focus on my baby. Some days are easier than others. When that person is around, though, I slip back into those thoughts. Their company is harmful to my life and my own recovery....and I fear it will be harmful for my child one day, too. I'm picking my battles right now because I will do anything for this kid. That other person should be important in our lives so I choose to set aside my personal issues with them for now. If I need to fight for my child's safety, I will. If my child needs protected from that person's negativity, I will do whatever is necessary.

[cariosum]

👁 Wake my muse up during a nightmare ( Cuz it's possible to share memories why not nightmares?)

ask meme // acceptingbold of you to assume he has dreams that arent fucked up

All of his memories are bad. Even the ones that were good at the time, the woman with honey-laced words who took him and said she could free him for something better, the sweet becomes rotted, saccharinity of decay. She’s a nightmare just as much as the never-ending parade of missions, blood spilt enough to taste it on the air before he lost the ability to notice it. There’s nothing from his past before that -- it’s almost a price he pays for forsaking identity. It’s fine. He lives with it. Dreams are crafted from experience and thoughts and Archer’s experiences have narrowed down to a single genre.

The dreams are just dreams. Just a degree or two worse than his usual life, don’t really count as nightmares in that case.

Being jostled wakes Archer up; he’s hard to rouse. (Can’t feel gestures too light, his hearing’s already dulled.) But once the hand on his shoulder nudges hard enough Archer reacts instantly.

-- In the haze of waking up, he doesn’t know where he is and he finds the hand on him unfamiliar.So, a reaction is necessary. He turns away in a quick jerk with the same motion bringing his hand up to point an instantly-manifested handgun at whoever’s touching him. Ah. Archer blinks. It’s Ritsuka. The blade edge shoved onto the barrel of the gun is pressed into Ritsuka’s forehead, fortunately not hard enough to make him bleed. That would have been unnecessary. Archer lowers his hand slowly, dematerializing the handgun once it’s down.

             “Forgot who you were.”An excuse that’s too common with him -- forgot to listen, forgot a name, forgot his role here. It’s not an apology. Archer can offer excuses, but not apologies, because at least the former sounds sincere.

He should have dematerialized himself before sleeping, but it’s even harder to bring himself back into a physical body when he does that. It’s troublesome when he’s needed and even more distant from himself than normal. A pause, a sigh. “Was I making noise or sleeping somewhere I can’t?” Also troublesome things, if so.

[heungtanbts]

re·al·i·za·tion

noun

The moment of sudden clarity when feelings are finally recognized, or are made aware for the first time.

It hit you one late night at the library while you were cramming for and crying over midterms along with the other student zombie population. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary - you were in your regular spot as per usual, inked paper and random notes scattered all around you, the dimming screen of your laptop reflected in your glasses, hair haphazardly pulled back and out of your face. And he was there with you, as per usual, his own laptop illuminating the serious and focused look on his face as he rested his chin on one propped hand while the other worked hard to scroll down his screen on his keyboard. Just two university students, two dormmates, two friends, studying at the library. The only difference between you two? He wasn't studying - oh, no - you knew from the last time you got up and walked past him that he definitely not studying. 

He was too busy immersing himself in novels on his e-reader, either that or he was online shopping and silently but not so subtly ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the prospective of buying new jackets and hats. Though it made your blood boil at times (many times, actually), the fact of the matter was simple - he didn't need to study, unlike yourself. So when you thought about it, it was strange how naturally you two even started to "study" together on a regular basis at the campus's main library. It took you a second to remember how it all came to be, but last semester during the first round of exams, you specifically remembered having gotten a call from Namjoon while studying at the library. It was kind of hard to forget, only because you forgot to silence your phone that day and the sound of Epik High's "Fly" bouncing off the high dome ceiling got you some pretty lethal death glares.

You: WHAT NAMJOON

Joonie: WHOA GOOD EVENING CAPS

Joonie: i was jw where u r

Joonie: and if ur down to get bogo smoothies rn

You: my phone went off and now the entire student population probably hates me and epik high now for breaking their concentration thanks to SOMEONE

Joonie: wow, someones just a tad bit sleep deprived and cranky

You: shut up joon

Joonie: hey its not my fault u forgot to silence your phone

You: i hate you. i hate this. i hate everything.

Joonie: arent u being just a little dramatic?

You: well unlike you, us pea brains actually need to study and i havent slept in the last 38 hours and iTS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH OKAY JUST LET ME LIVE

Joonie: .....so is that a no?

You: joon istg

Joonie: y/n jst hurry up and tell me where u r cuz im bout to spill these smoothies amd textng w one hand is hard

You: ...are these smoothies caffeinated

Joonie: no but i got ur favorite

You: peach mango?

Joonie: of course

You: ...2nd floor, east wing reading room

That's when he discovered your study spot, and from then on, he always knew where to find you if he ever, well, couldn't find you. He would often times switch it up from late night bogo smoothies to double shot espresso shot americanos (especially when he knew you were pretty cranky) or on really really terrible nights, forced but much appreciated midnight taco runs. He had always been such a nocturnal person, by choice though, unlike yourself. But you came to appreciate his company more than you thought you would, even more than the caffeine and sweet or greasy foods he'd buy and scarf down with you. You knew he pretty much never studied, and every time he was with you, you'd have to consciously push those thoughts aside or else he'd go from being the most wonderful and caring person to becoming even more hateful in your eyes. And that might make you forget that this was the guy that always stayed up with you during your consecutive allnighters, put up with your stress-related lash outs at him, made sure you ate something regularly because you'd always forget to eat at normal times, and forced you to take the study breaks you didn't think you needed, and he would do this all voluntarily and weirdly enough, very willingly. You'd never asked him to join you, he just did. And even a whole semester later, he hadn't once let you down as your caffeine supplier and even more so, your good friend.

It wasn't until this particular night that it suddenly all hit you at once. Looking up, your eyes traveled to the other side of the table to see him sleeping peacefully, his head resting on his arms on the table, his carefree face and closed eyes facing towards you. It was just a few minutes shy of 3am and it should've pissed you off that he was frolicking along in dreamland while you were desperately fighting against the cravings to shut your eyes for even just a few minutes. But when you saw his sleeping posture, his skin free from any stress lines and wrinkles, plump lips slightly parted, his one cheek starting to turn red from where his knuckles were leaving an imprint, hate was the last thing you felt. It just hit you that Namjoon was right there, not in his own bed sleeping at a normal godly hour, not spending his time doing his own hobbies or with his other friends – he was here, with you.

"Yo." 

Before you could stop that one word from leaving your lips, he stirred from his sleep, eyes slowly fluttering open as he took a quick, disoriented look around before squeezing them back shut and reaching his long arms out in front of him, stretching and cracking all the stiff joints in his body. With strands of his brunette locks decorating his forehead and drowsiness clinging to his eyelids, he couldn't have looked so different to you in that moment.  

"What's up?" He whispered, his deep raspy voice even lower than it usually was during the daytime. He was staring back at you, his eyes wide open and alert as you took a few seconds longer to think of a reply. What was up? Why did you even wake him up? What did you even want to say to him that was important enough to bother him? You weren't even sure what was going on in your own head. All you knew was that your heart was pounding loudly against your chest, and you had to find out why, you just didn't know how. So you did what any normal person would do if they were to get stuck with a difficult question to answer - shoot a question back at them.

"Why...are you here?"

He looked taken aback, slowly straightening his posture as he shifted to face you straight on. That definitely caught him off guard, but you were even more surprised that you actually asked the question that you didn't even know had been lingering in your mind for some time now. His eyebrows knit together in contemplation as he used the silence to think of an answer to a simple yet not so simple question, and you almost regretted even asking him in the first place. But the flustered look on his face gradually dissipated as his lips curved up into the gentlest of smiles you had ever seen from him, leaning into the palm of his hand yet again, crooking his head to the side so lovingly, his warm chocolatey eyes melting you from the inside out. But his next words would be the ones to really seal the deal. 

"Simple – because you're here."

It hit you one late night at the library while you were cramming for and crying over midterms along with the other student zombie population. You had just finished a peach mango smoothie and ditched your studying completely to admire a handsome yet hateful fellow as he captured your heart with his peaceful sleeping posture, his soft dimpled smile, his deep raspy voice, and his warm, comfortable presence. And it suddenly hit you like an oncoming train. There weren’t any fireworks, no blaring sirens or flashing neon signs – you figured out that none of that was necessary to finally have that realization. All you needed was that undeniable moment of clarity. And as he continued to gaze at you, it hit you hard.

You would never be able to look at Kim Namjoon the same ever again.