#dad!tommy miller

[heartpascal]

weight too heavy to hold alone

▹— joel miller x platonic!reader

▹— summary: joel’s life in jackson is much more complicated than he thought it would be

▹— a/n: HEY. im not back just yet but thought i’d drop in to give yall this idk!! just something ive been working on between revision yk. hope you enjoy!

▹— warnings: angst, references to death of a child, references to past trauma (very brief, very vague reference, barely there), comparisons to dead daughter (but IS written as gender neutral i think, just behaviour wise), feeling unwanted and unloved

▹— tags: @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @erensloveinterest @dazedshoon @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @sleepygraves @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @ilybbg @rvjaa @oliest19xx @pedropepsi  @sunflowersdrop @truthfuleeyours 

MASTERLIST

howl’s song recs

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It was meant to be a temporary thing, that was what Tommy had told Joel. It was the whole reason he had agreed, the whole reason he had relented to having you in his new home, sharing a room with Ellie just down the hall from his own. 

Joel should’ve known, really. His and his brother’s versions of temporary were incredibly different, much like night and day, water and oil, hot and cold. Where Joel’s idea of temporary was a few days, at most, Tommy’s was, apparently, a couple of months. But what could he do? You were already here, already settled in on your side of Ellie’s room, with a mattress upon the floor and the bag filled with your things set beside it. 

The first few days, Joel had been so on edge he couldn’t sleep, waiting for the moment Ellie made a peep, made the slightest inclination of being uncomfortable in your presence. He was half waiting for you to full-blown attack the two of them, after all, it wouldn’t have been the first time such things had happened to him and Ellie. 

But you never did. 

Your presence eventually became so… quiet that it was unnoticeable. You would leave the house before Joel and Ellie even thought about waking up, and would only return when they were either busy eating dinner, or already fast asleep in bed. It seemed like you did your absolute best to avoid the two of them.

It was only when he jumped up from his dozing, hearing the faint murmur of Ellie’s voice down the hall, that he clocked on to your presence again. Perhaps it was wrong, morally, for Joel to have crept down the hallway, shiv clutched in an untrusting hand, but who could’ve blamed him? He had done everything in his power to protect Ellie for a long time, by then. And he’d agree that you were young, that he was too harsh, but he’d already lost a daughter once. He wasn’t keen to go through that again.

The shared laughter was what stopped his hand from reaching towards the doorknob. It was quiet, and suddenly Joel was back in his thirties, listening to Sarah and her friends snicker and whisper in her bedroom, the door slightly ajar just to appease him. It had been nearing midnight, back then, Sarah’s birthday coming to a close, and it had also been the first time he had allowed her to have girls and boys over. 

He blinked, and came back to the reality of where he was, of what he was holding, of who was on the other side of the door. Joel had only listened for a moment longer, another shared giggle making the tension slide from his shoulders, and it wasn’t long before he was back in his own room, door ajar, shoving the shiv underneath flannels in a shoddy chest of drawers. 

Joel could remember that it wasn’t too long after that night that you had joined him and Ellie for dinner, for the very first time. It had been an awkward affair, and it reminded him of the first few times he and Ellie had shared a proper meal together in their new home. You were vaguely uncomfortable the entire time, shooting Ellie looks that you didn’t know he had noticed. Her only response was a snicker, though Joel would’ve guessed from the thunk underneath the table that you had placed a well-aimed kick against her shin. 

Still, after dinner, you spoke to him for one of the first times. There had been the introduction when Tommy had brought you over, of course, but this was willing on your end. “Thank you,” You had told him, though didn’t make eye contact. “For dinner, and well, yeah.” 

He had nodded at you, a tense smile on his lips, but it was a friendly gesture. Or, as friendly of a gesture as Joel could muster. He remembers the way you had scurried up the stairs almost immediately after, having stuck around only to help clean up and give your thanks. 

You started joining them for dinner more after that, though Joel had the suspicion that the first half a dozen times were at Ellie’s command. But with time, and some patience, you warmed up to him just as you had to Ellie. You spoke more, asked more questions, even cracked a few jokes that he was sure you had gotten from one of Ellie’s books. It surprised him how… relieved he was to see the break in your awkwardness. 

It had been the first time Joel had seen you with Tommy outside of when he had dropped you at his and Ellie’s that he realised you had a lot more warming up to do than he had thought. There you were, walking at Tommy’s side, chatting animatedly, hands flying around in gestures, face lit up like Joel had never seen before, and all the while Tommy only shook his head, fond smile on his face. There was a certain warmth on Tommy’s face that Joel had only seen when his little brother had been looking at his newborn child, and he couldn’t help but wonder why he had dropped you off at Joel’s if he felt that way? If he saw you as his own?

He tried to ask him those very questions more than once, but each time he found himself somewhat afraid of the answer he’d receive. Joel knew his little brother had always looked up to him, after all, that tends to happen when you practically raise the kid, but after everything… Joel found that he didn’t think he could live up to Tommy’s expectations of him any longer. Maybe, even if Joel would never admit it out loud, he didn’t want to see Tommy realise he couldn’t live up to the idealised version of himself his little brother saw him as. 

It was already hard enough with having Ellie — the weight of everything he had lied to her about was tangible, an iron fence putting distance between the two of them. He tried to ignore it. Ellie did, too, but the truth was that she had lost some amount of trust in him. He saw it in the crease of her brows when they spoke, the slant of her lips when he left for patrol, hell — even in the way her gaze changed when she looked at him. It was like she saw somebody she didn’t quite recognise.

Joel felt like he was fighting a losing battle. He’d steel himself before dinners, he’d harden his features before coming home from patrols, he’d even lock himself in his little studio. And yet each time he saw you, there was an unmistakeable softness brought to his features, reminiscent of how it felt to look at Ellie. Each time you would come to him for help, he’d remind himself that he couldn’t be the person that everybody needed him to be. He’d remind himself that he would never — could never — be the person you so clearly wanted him to be. 

Because it was more than obvious. Joel wasn’t blind, even if his sight wasn’t what it used to be. He could see it in the way you looked to him for help, in the way you’d heed his advice like you never doubted he could be wrong about something. It was clear in the way you looked at him, like he had the ability to carve the world into whatever he desired, like he possessed a strength you didn’t. You looked at him as if he could save you, and the truth was that Joel couldn’t even save himself. 

He was an old man, a foolish man. Joel drowned in guilt he had brought upon himself, liquid a kind of heaviness that settled into his aged lungs. When he looked at you, he saw Sarah. He saw the resemblance in the way the both of you looked out for him — where Sarah had often cooked breakfast, you scraped together some form of dinner when he was on a late patrol, where Sarah had forced vitamin-rich drinks into his hand, you placed painkillers — that must’ve cost a fortune to trade for — on the kitchen counter when he hurt his knee on a patrol. He saw it in the way you looked up to him, the way you believed in him, and it’s like a mirror image of the night his life went to ruin. A reflection of his daughter dying in his arms each time you looked to him for safety. 

What could he provide? What could Joel provide that Tommy couldn’t? Hell — that anybody couldn’t? Perhaps, he wondered, the guarantee of disappointment. 

“So,” Tommy started one night, sat by his side at the small bar in town, eyebrows raised as he held a glass of twenty-two year old bourbon. “How’s life with the kid? Handlin’ two kids?”

Joel vividly remembers his response, despite his lowered tolerance for alcohol and the multitude of glasses he’d had that night. “You ever gonna get that kid a new place? Not my responsibility to look after your goddamn strays, y’know.” His voice had been gruff, harsh. He thinks, looking back on it, that it digs the pit of regret in his stomach deeper.

“They givin’ you trouble, or something?” Tommy had asked, all furrowed eyebrows then, an expression of something close to disbelief on his face. “Been a good kid, as long as I’ve known ‘em.” 

“They’re a good kid, alright, just not my kid.” Joel had replied, scornfully. It was a low blow, he knew now, but he could remember the pounding in his chest, blood rushing through his ears, when he heard you yell out one night. It had been a bad dream, not that you’d admit to it, but Joel was familiar. He could’ve sworn his heart was going to stop that night, the way adrenaline rushed through him, the way he had leaped from his bed as if expecting to have to defend you and Ellie from an onslaught of attackers. 

Tommy scoffed in response, and he had averted his eyes, looking away from his older brother as he took a sip of the alcohol that was warming his veins. “Y’know what? I’ll get ‘em a new place, and when it breaks their goddamn heart, I’ll let ‘em know the reason why you wanted them out. Not my kid.” Tommy had shaken his head, and had bid him goodnight soon after. Joel remembers drowning the sting the conversation left him with using decades-old booze. 

Now, Joel can pretty confidently say that Tommy hadn’t been looking to get you a new place until that conversation. It wasn’t more than a few weeks after that that you came home with a frown marred across your face, returning much later from canteen-duty than usual. He had been walking to the hall to grab his boots when you had gotten in. 

Your expression had only deepened further as you practically stomped into the house, kicking your unlaced boots off in the hallway. “You alright, kiddo?” Joel had asked, brows creased, and he remembers the way the movement reminded him of his younger brother. 

“’M fine.” You had muttered out, all stormy expression and blunt words. Joel only tilted his head at you. “Tommy stopped by, said they’re gettin’ me a new place across town. Nearby the school.” You had told him, and your expression was almost hopeful as you waited for his response. 

“Oh,” Joel had uttered, expression blank for a moment as he nodded his head, almost mindlessly. “Well, that’s good, right?” He responded, eyes studying you almost cautiously. If he hadn’t been looking, he probably would’ve missed the way your face dropped at his response, as if you had been hoping for him to say something else. Instead, you had let out a quiet scoff, before stomping away with a ‘sure’ said lamely back to him. Joel had looked after you, face plastered with confusion, but his mind had known, even back then, the reason for your disdain. Instead of going after you, of saying anything more on the matter, Joel had foolishly just wiped a hand across his face, and had murmured, “Teenagers.” 

For the days after that, you seemed withdrawn but hopeful, as if Joel would finally voice what you had been waiting to hear. He didn’t see much of Ellie, who had made more friends her own age, including some girls named Dina and Cat. Apparently, you weren’t in on that friendship. Which had left you at the house with him, the crease between your brows getting deeper each time things remained silent. 

Still, Joel was firm. This was what was meant to happen all along. You were never meant to be a permanent fixture of their lives. 

So when the day was finally upon them, Joel accompanied you and his younger brother to your new place, carrying your backpack over one of his shoulders. He had tried to ignore the itchy, uncomfortable feeling in his chest. 

“It’s a nice place.” Joel had commented, when the silence stretched for far too long, looking around the studio-like bungalow. It was a converted garage, much like what Ellie was going to have in his back yard, whenever the team could help Joel finish converting it. He was almost surprised when Tommy brought them here, however. For whatever reason, Joel hadn’t thought about the fact that you’d be living alone. 

“Yeah, it’s great.” You responded flatly, picking at the cover on what was meant to be your new bed almost absently. Joel dropped your backpack beside the door, nodding his head as he took it all in. You tried not to scoff. “You know Joel, I think it’d be better for me to settle in. Alone.” You said, voice just a step away from miserable, expression blank as you looked at him, at the way he nodded his head, seemingly resigned to this conclusion. 

“Sure thing, kid.” Joel sighed out, looking back in when he was stood in the doorway. He tapped his knuckles against the doorframe, opening his mouth to say something, but stopping before anything came out. Instead, he had just nodded, leaving with his hands in his pockets. 

He returned to a quiet house, Ellie once again somewhere in town with Dina and Cat, having missed your moving day. Joel quickly found that the silence, the emptiness in the house, was uncomfortable. He hadn’t truly realised just how used to your presence he had gotten. Still, this was for the best. Joel didn’t need another kid on his hands. He’d failed more than once, and that was telling enough. He still couldn’t figure out why Tommy had brought you to him in the first place!

Joel didn’t see you for two days afterwards, though he had asked about you, cornering Tommy and demanding to know how you were settling in. It was unsettling when Tommy had only shrugged, expression harsh and unforgiving. 

When he finally did see you again, it was at the Tipsy Bison, where he was sipping at amber liquid, waiting for his younger brother to finish talking to someone down the other end of the bar. “Joel!” You called out, immediately drawing his attention. He stood from the stool he had been sat on, brows creased in concern, drink abandoned on the wooden bar top. 

“Everythin’ alright?” He asked, confused and concerned all at once. 

“No!” You yelled immediately, seemingly outraged by his question, your features practically collapsing in on themselves. You pointed an accusatory finger at him, and he didn’t miss the way your hands trembled. “You asked them to move me!” You accused, and Joel quickly realised that this was the first time he had seen you outwardly upset. Every other time, your expression had been made of stone, voice cautiously flat. Now, here, your features were like clay, looking as if you had reshaped them over and over, trying to resist the slant of sadness that took over them. There was a distinctive gloss across your eyes, shining and trembling as you tried to force the tears away. “Admit it, Joel! You wanted me gone and you didn’t have the guts to tell me.”

Joel sighed, rubbing his fingers across his brows, pinching at the bridge of his nose. He glared across the bar at where Tommy was observing, false innocence on his face. He was quick to notice that Tommy wasn’t the only one watching, eyes on the two of you as you waited for his response expectantly. “Kid, it was always a temporary thing. You knew that.” He said, hands on his hips as he shifted his stance. 

Clearly, that wasn’t the response you wanted to hear, your features falling further, crumpling downwards, and Joel frowned. “It’s not fair.” You said, voice breaking off halfway through, and you swiped your sleeve across your nose, rubbing tears away from your eyes with your fingertips. 

“Life ain’t fair, kid, that’s the truth of it.” Joel responded, looking at your face as if your expression held answers to a question he hadn’t asked. “I’m sorry. But you got your own life now, your own place, you can live however you want. Doesn’t sound like a bad deal to me.” 

“I don’t want any of it.” You told him, brows furrowed, the crease between them so deep that Joel was sure it was going to become a permanent fixture of your face. His own frown deepened when you blinked and tears marred your cheeks. “It’s not fair,” You repeated, hand outstretched as if you were reaching for him. “Why do I have to be alone?” You asked, and Joel’s face fell, clearly not expecting that question. 

Tommy chose that moment to intervene, stepping in between you and Joel, glancing back at his older brother before focusing his full attention on you. He murmured words that Joel could only presume were reassurance. Joel noticed Tommy’s guiding hand on your shoulder as he led you out of the bar, neither of you glancing back. He ignored the stares on him as he turned back to the bar, finished his drink, and left, going home. 

He encountered the two of you just down the street, sharing quiet words that seemed harsh even from a distance. Joel thought about turning back, but found himself approaching cautiously. 

“Everythin’ alright?” Joel repeated his earlier question, hands outstretched when the two of you turned to him, the setting sun throwing a shade of orange across both of your faces. You openly glared at him, eyes squinted in a show of unrelenting anger, or maybe, more accurately, hurt. 

“Go back inside, Joel.” Tommy told him, sounding nothing short of exasperated between dealing with you and dealing with Joel. He sounded tired, too. “Better yet, go home!” 

“Listen,” Joel sighed, trying to reach some form of a truce. You cut him off when he opened his mouth to continue. 

“No, Joel, Tommy’s right. Go home. I’ve heard enough.” You said, almost scoldingly, and Joel felt as if he was talking to Sarah again, as if it was her telling him off for something. He tried not to think of that last night, of the cake he’d forgotten, of the watch she’d gifted him, but a glance down it said watch reminded him of his failures. “I’m not your kid, remember?” You reminded him, throwing the words he’d said to his brother back in his face. At least this time, Tommy had the idea to look somewhat guilty for telling you that tidbit of information. 

Joel frowned at you, cursing himself for his past words. He didn’t want to hurt you. Hell, that was the whole reason he wanted you gone! Joel was trying to protect you from him, from his inevitable failure. He had never really considered that perhaps this was his failure, that perhaps isolating you to a garage apartment on the other side of town was him failing you. 

You stared at him, feeling that bricked up wall around your heart reforming, a promise in the back of your mind forming, a promise that said you wouldn’t let yourself be hurt again. “Go home.” You repeated, the words bitter on your tongue, a thought so sharp in your mind appearing that you physically flinched. Why couldn’t Joel understand? He was the only semblance of home you’d ever had, and he had taken that way from you. You thought that for once, you had found somewhere that you belonged, that you had found people who wanted you around, but you were wrong. Nobody wanted you around. At least that much was clear, at least you could be sure about that one thing. 

When you had gone to Tommy all those months ago, your chest empty, tears staining your face, you hadn’t trusted his promise that Joel and Ellie would be good for you. You had been so determined to prove him wrong that you had avoided them, had fled the house more than once just to stay away from the two of them. It was horrible, at the start, it was suffocating. Living in a home that wasn’t yours, intruding on a father who wasn’t your own, a daughter who could never be your sister. To begin with, it had been the most isolated you had ever felt. 

Up until that night that it all changed, where you and Ellie had laughed until you cried, sharing jokes and stories just to make one another laugh. It had taken a deeper turn from there, to sharing your experiences in the world that strived to end you. You told Ellie things that you had never told anyone, not even Tommy, certainly not Joel, and she had trusted you with things from her journey with Joel in return. Her voice was coloured with warmth when she spoke of him, though it got more despondent when she got to more recent events. Still, it was that very warmth that eventually caused you to relent to her dinner requests. 

And then, finally, you had taken to joining them for dinner without being prompted. 

You can remember speaking to Tommy about the two of them, about how things had started looking up, about how he may have been right about Joel and Ellie being good for you. Hell, you can remember seeing Joel from the corner of your eye as you told Tommy about becoming closer to Ellie, about a story she had told you. 

Now, you wish Tommy would’ve just left you in the state you were pre-Joel and Ellie, because it would have been better than this. It was an all-encompassing ache that surpassed being purely physical. It bled poison deep into your soul, like acid crumbling the pieces of happiness that had begun to sew back together. It hurt. At least before, you knew that the pain wasn’t your fault, that it couldn’t have been. This pain, however, came from your very roots. You had been unequivocally you whilst with Joel and Ellie, and it had come back to bite you. You can’t help but wonder if, just maybe, you had kept to yourself, if you hadn’t immersed yourself in a life that didn’t belong to you, you would’ve avoided this pain. Because the reason Joel kicked you out was because it was you. That was the only explanation. After all, he kept Ellie around, and she wasn’t his kid in the same way you weren’t.

“Kid…”

“I’m not your kid, Joel. Go home and leave me alone. I don’t wanna say it again.” You responded, firm, voice bordering on trembling. Joel watched, with some amount of confusion, as you turned to Tommy, bearing your teeth at him like it would push him away. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.” 

Tommy flinched as if the words were a physical blow, and you missed the betrayed look he gave Joel as you stormed away, walking with purpose towards your garage apartment, where you lived alone. Always alone. From this experience, you could safely say you were ready for it to stay that way.

[snakelaufeyson]

joel “if you tell me to look for the light i’ll break your jaw” miller

[rottenblur]

study break|J.MILLER

Summary: BFD! Joel (best friend's dad) Moving to Texas for college seemed scary at first but after befriending your now best friend staying with her on the holidays with her father seemed exciting. Best friends! Dad Joel x fem reader. 1.4k chapter one out of ????

WARNINGS: Big girthy age gap. (the reader is 20 Joel is in the late forties) Slight smut, the reader getting felt up by Joel, making out with the intent of leading to sex. Risky horny makeout sesh with the reader and Joel almost getting caught by Tommy. Chapter two is smut. Unrequited pining by Tommy. Dirtyish talk by Joel.

“fuck you are somethin’ to see, making me do shit I shouldn’t. ya arent the good girl I thought ya were”

Walking into your Best friend Sarah's house, the first thing you noticed, in the house you had never stepped into before was her Dad sprawled out on the couch beer in hand. He was on the phone with someone, it seemed important by the way his face was scrunched up, his index and thumb squeezing him on his nose he seemed frustrated. He looked oddly hot in this state, you wondered what was upsetting him. Till he heard a pair of footsteps, turning around and unscrewing his face with relief “I gotta go, Sarah is home from college”.

Dropping his phone and standing up, walking over to her, and greeting her with a tight hug. You hold your arm gazing down at your feet awkwardly, gazing occasionally over at Joel and how his huge figure engulfs his daughter. Sarah looking at you and then at Joel “Oh this is my friend I told you about!” Sarah said. Excitingly pulling you towards her so Joel can get a look at you and say hi. Sarah smiled proudly at your presence. You look up at Joel's tall figure at least a foot taller than you think to yourself, your first thought about him was how handsome he was, not just for his age in general. you would pick him over any boy your age, your eyes panning to his salt and pepper beard matching his hair, it was messy in a cute way.

Then your eyes followed down to his chest, his arm the way that his t-shirt gripped around his muscles perfectly and deliciously, your eyes pan down to his crouch for a second then away. Realizing how long you have been staring at him you clear your throat awkwardly, “Hi um thank you for letting me stay for Christmas break I appreciate it, "Mr. Miller". Not knowing his name and trying to be polite you settled for “Mr. Miller”

Joel laughed quietly at your words, “It's no problem darlin’ you're a lot more polite than some of Sarah’s old high school friends”. He looked you up and down the air in the room seemed a lot thicker than it was, your knees seemed weak after that one glance at your body. Joel pokes at Sarah with a smirk on his face, Sarah's jaw drops at the teasing comment before nudging Joel.

“Ya'll want a beer er somethin’” looking at the two of you walking into the kitchen and pulling out three beers. You look at Sarah as she grabs one and opens it, Joel holding one up to you waiting for you to grab it. Sarah rolls her eyes while opening her mouth to speak “She doesn't drink she's too good for it, apparently”. Joel's face looks shocked at the comment.

“Oh I see you're a good girl, I've been catchin’ Sarah ‘nd her little friends drinking since high school. Rare for Sarah to be friends with such an angel”. You blush at him calling you “Good girl” your thighs squeezing together, you nervously laugh. grabbing the beer anyways “One won't hurt, plus it is a special occasion right?” you say.

Joel smiles along with Sarah “Attagirl” he whispered loud enough for you to notice his deep rough Texas accent, it weakens your knees even more, adding even more blush to your face. You take a sip of your beer. Sarah stands up clearing her throat, before walking to the stairs near the kitchen “This is nice Dad, but we should get unpacked. I'm exhausted from the drive here I'm heading to bed”.

You stand up and follow her lead upstairs. “Thank you um for the beer Mr. Miller” you awkwardly say before going up the stairs, he walks to the last step so you both could hear him “see ya girls.” Watching you go upstairs, just to take a peek at your ass. Sarah shows you to your room.

“I gave you the guest room thought you might want some space, to study and stuff since you're weird like that”. Walking to her room she whispers to herself “Who studies on a break” She laughs at her own words. You open the door as you hear Joel come up the stairs, approaching behind you before putting his hand on the knob on the door next to your room, for the time being. “I'm next door if ya need anythin’ holler.”

You smile at him and nod “Thanks mr miller”. You take one step in before Joel speaks “Please its Joel no need to be so shy darlin’”.

you close the door, sitting on the bed not bothering to unpack .“Joel Joel Joel” you think to yourself while putting on your pajama shorts and a top, a nice ring to it very moanable.

Fuck. Why are you already thinking this, you get in bed and try to go to sleep. He's all you can think about for hours, it's now 2:30 am you've been laying there for three hours trying to get him off your mind, occasionally going on your phone to distract yourself.

it doesn't work. You get up and tip-toe downstairs knowing how much of a light sleeper Sarah is trying not to disturb her sleep, you walk into the dark kitchen grabbing a glass of water, and sip it while leaning on the counter.

You hear the backdoor slide open and you jump, you see Joel walk in smelling like cigarettes and whiskey. Standing across from you, looking you up and down again this time slower, getting a mental picture of your body. His voice cuts through the air “Can't sleep?” you look up at his eyes.

“Yeah summers in texas make me lose any sort of sleep schedule at all” giggling quietly, adding “I'm from up more north just came here for college”. Turning around to put your glass in the sink, you can feel his eyes staring at your ass.

“Is that why you wear that lil skimpy pj set darlin, er just tryin’ to get my attention?”. You turn around with a blush covering your cheeks, stumbling on your words “Um I don't know Mr. Miller”. He steps closer to you holding your waist now “I told ya darlin’ call me Joel.”

He says sternly before leaning into your neck and kissing it. The kiss made your knees weak and your panties wet you whimper. “Yes Joel” is all you mutter out. He kisses up your neck to your jaw then pulls back to stare at your face, then your lips.

“fuck you are somethin’ to see, making me do shit I shouldn’t, ya arent the good girl I thought ya were”.

Biting his lip like he's trying to hold himself back before plunging his lips against yours kissing you roughly, holding your jaw to open your mouth to let him in, kissing you deeper and rougher. He pulls back for air then pushes you against him tightly, connecting your lips to his again.

You can feel the hardness in his pants begging to be in you and his wet tongue all in your mouth. You wrap your arms around this thick figure, the front door opens a voice walks towards the kitchen.

“Fuck man. Worse shift ever they had me doing the most, useless shit-“. He cuts off his train of thought, as he sees two figures in the dark kitchen. Joel pulled away and leaned against the island across from you, hiding the bulge in his pants staring at him with a frustrated look in his eyes.

Tommy looks at your pushed-down pajama shirt strap, then Joel's blushed cheeks. “My my who is this little pretty thing you dragged home, I'm Tommy by the way”. He winks at you and looks you up and down "Oh? There's two of them." you think to yourself.

“.. Joel's brother”. He was handsome and shorter than Joel, younger too. Joel clears his throat and speaks. “She's just Sarah's friend from college”. Looking at Tommy with a dark look, Tommy gets the vibe to get the fuck upstairs and stop bothering you.

“She was just going upstairs right darlin’”. "Fuck" you think to yourself, walking past Tommy. He watches you go up the stairs to look at your ass…Smiling to yourself from all the attention from both brothers. “g’night Sweet thing”

Joel mutters. Walking up to his room leaving Tommy in the kitchen by himself, with a hard-on. You walk into your room and finally go to sleep…

Part two here

my masterlist

an note! this is my first posted fanfic enjoy:) there will be more chapters to come if this gets any attention. i wrote this months and just decided to post it lmao

[angelamcss]

SWEET TOOTH (2021 — ) THE LAST OF US (2023 — )

[tightjeansjavi]

The Birthday Boy

A/N: couldn’t miss out on the birthday celebrations for my favorite fictional man <3 I am wishing the happiest of birthday’s to Mr. Joel heartthrob Miller. P.S this is not proofread. It’s definitely a little silly and fluffy but that’s what my man deserves on his special day (let’s just pretend the outbreak never happened 😇)

~word count: 2.1k~

Pairing | horse dad! Joel Miller x f! reader

Summary: it’s your first time celebrating Joel’s birthday after starting the transition process of moving in with him and Sarah. You want to make sure the birthday boy knows just how loved he really is.

Warnings: none! Just a lot of fluff, feels, cheesy banter from our favorite horse dad!, implied smut bc it wouldn’t be a birthday without some birthday sex, teasing, family love, light swearing, no outbreak! This takes place in the blue jeans universe but can be read as a standalone, Joel is 35 and not 36 in this universe, reader has no physical descriptions, +18 minors dni!

master list series master list

September 26th 2003: Joel Miller’s birthday. He wasn’t particularly a huge fan of his special day. He never was the type to enjoy any kind of spotlight. He preferred a more simple and quiet birthday compared to some extravagant party where he would have to worry about entertaining his guests. No, he would much rather enjoy a night in with Sarah on his one side, and you on his other. Your only request was make him a cake. He begrudgingly complied to your thoughtful request, but before any cake baking could take place, you had to wiggle your way out of his death grip that he presently held on you under the soft duvet of his bed. The whole sleeping over every other day was proving to be an easy transition for all three of you, and at this point you were practically moved into the Miller household.

Your mornings always started with Joel doing his utmost best to keep you tangled between his legs for a few minutes longer. This morning however, you were all his. You had slept with him intimately enough times to pick up on all his specific quirks and mannerisms that were tailored to him. He snored, but only when he was laying on his back. If you got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or get a glass of water, he would be cuddling with your pillow until you returned. Sometimes his feet would get cold and he’d tuck them under your thighs to keep them warm. He talked in his sleep on the rare occasion. Most of it was gibberish, but you’d hear Sarah’s name and yours like the faintest of whispers.

You knew he was awake by the way his bare arm tightened around your waist as he lassoed you against his chest. His fingers were gently splayed under the soft cotton fabric of your sleep shirt (his of course) as he buried the bridge of his nose against the back of your neck. You could feel him inhale deeply through his nose before exhaling a warm breath of air that caused gooseflesh to pebble on your skin.

“Is the birthday boy finally awake?” You softly mused with your eyes half open like a crescent moon as you stretched your legs out under the warm confines of the comforter.

“Mmm, nope. The birthday boy is not awake right now. You’ll have to try again later my darlin.’” He teased, voice thick, gravelly and sticky with sleep as he pressed what felt like a dozen open mouth sweet kisses to your soft skin.

“Joooel” You giggled, warm and sweet as your hand brushed across his that rested across your middle. “You’re a shitty liar.”

“Baby, you can’t be mean to me when it’s my special day. Y’take that back right now.” He chuckled as he pulled you as close as he physically could. It never was enough, of course. He’d do anything to just crawl inside of your skin and make a little home for himself there. (not in a deranged way you sickos). That’s just what love did to him. It made him turn into this ushy- gushy softy that sometimes used you as his own personal heater.

“Well, if the birthday boy isn’t awake, then he doesn’t get his present.”

Well, that did it.

You barely finished your sentence before your man was nearly rolling over on top of you with a soft grunt from the ache in his back. “Okay, okay! The birthday boy is awake, and ready for his present.”

“Gotcha.” you peeked one eye open to find his not so impressed expression as a stray curl cascaded across his forehead. Dear god, he was truly so handsome, it hurt.

“You’re a lil’ tease, Y’know that? Gettin’ me all excited jus’ to go’in and break my heart!” He grasped his fist to his chest in mock despair as your sweet giggles filled the domestic air.

“Relax, Shakespeare. I’m only teasing!” You fought the urge to roll your eyes at his theatrics before you playfully pushed him onto his back just so you could straddle his hips.

“Shakespeare? Nah, I ain’t no Romeo, baby cakes, but you can be my Juliet?” He had a shit eating grin plastered on his kissable lips as you grabbed his wrists gently and pinned them above his head.

“That was so painfully lame, even for you, cowboy.”

“Yeah, but I jus’ know it made your puss–” You cut him off with a swift kiss to his lips that sent his heart melting into a puddle. Sweet, and filthy. What a lucky son of a bitch.

“Is the birthday boy going to be good so I can give him his present?” You mumbled against his lips as he kissed you back languidly.

“Ain’t I always bein’ a good boy for my baby?” He hummed as he rolled his hips slowly against yours.

“That’s a coin flip, cowboy.” He could feel your mischievous little grin blossom like flower petals as you slowly followed the rhythm of his hips with your own.

“Christ. Y’gonna fuck me or get me all riled up, baby? C’mon, please fuck me, honeybun. The birthday boy shouldn’t have’to beg.” he spoke with that deep Texas twang that always had you caving on the spot.

“We’re getting to that part, cowboy.”

Some gibberish followed by a deep moan that traveled deep from within his chest when you finally sank down around him.

“Shell?” Joel asked with a small grin and arch of his brow as Sarah set a plate of eggs, toast, and bacon in front of him.

“Yep! Saved some just for you.” She teased. “I’m just kidding, Dad. There’s no shell! I promise.”

Joel seemed unconvinced as he used his fork to play around with his plate of scrambled eggs. “Hmm..are ya sure about that, kiddo?”

“Daaad.” Sarah placed her hands on her hips with a huff which only caused Joel’s grin to grow wider before he was reaching out and pulling his baby girl in for a hug as he pressed a gentle kiss to her mess of curls. “I trust ya.”

Sarah wrapped her arms back around him in a gentle hug, but she was smart to move away quickly when he attempted to tousle her hair.

It wouldn’t be a regular day in the Miller household without Tommy showing up with his own shit eating grin as he made a b-line straight for the fridge.

“Help yourself, why don’t ya?” Joel muttered with a mouthful of eggs.

“What’s it look like I'm doin?’” The younger Miller brother responded with a cheeky wink as he pulled out a container of leftover chicken wings from the fridge. “How old is grumpy today anyway, 50?”

“Do I look like–”

“He’s 35, but who’s really counting?” You chimed in as you pressed a quick kiss to Joel’s cheek before sitting down beside him.

“35 and he’s already gettin’ some gray’s I see. Gonna have to wear diapers soon.” Sarah teased as she took a bite of her eggs.

“Who says I don’t already?” Joel quipped back as he washed his eggs down with a big swig of coffee.

“Babe?”

“Yes, my darlin?’”

“Your shirt is inside out.”

Joel tossed his fork down with a huff as he wasted no time to pull his t-shirt over his head and switch it the right way around.

“Y’girls still plannin’ on bakin’ me a cake?” He asked as he checked the time on his phone before standing up.

“You bet your fine Texas tush that we are. It’s going to be the best birthday cake you’ve ever tasted.”

Joel probably would have said something highly provocative if Sarah and Tommy weren’t listening in, so he opted for a quick kiss and a slight ass grab.

“Bus is leavin’ in five. Can’t wait to come home later and taste this delicious cake that you’re gonna make me, baby.”

“Gross.” Sarah nearly gagged as she picked up her plate and brought it to the kitchen sink.

“Hey, sugar? You think you can spare me a bit of cake too?” Tommy asked cheekily as he ducked down before Joel could thwack him upside the head. “Y’gotta be quicker than that, big brother.”

“G’nna kill him one of these days, I swear.” Joel mumbled as he looped his arms around your waist and pulled you in close. “Y’gonna pick Sarah up from school still? Dunno what time I'll be home later, but hopefully it ain’t too late.”

You looped your arms around his neck as your fingers gently played with the curly tendrils of hair that rested along the nape of his neck. “I’ll be there to pick her up. Try to not be home too late, okay?”

“G’nna do my best for my girls.” He closed the short gap between the two of you with a sweet affectionate kiss with a mumbled I love you before he was reluctantly pulling away when he heard Tommy beep from his truck in the driveway.

“Did you get it fixed for him?” You asked Sarah as she climbed into the passenger seat of your car outside of the watchmaker's shop.

“Yep!” She beamed brightly up at you as she held the watch box up proudly.

“He’s gonna love it, kiddo.”

“What did you end up getting him?”

“Well, a little birdie whispered in my ear and told me that Curtis and Viper 2 is his absolute favorite movie. It’s the version with the deleted scenes.”

“Oh, wicked! He’s going to be soo happy!”

“As long as we don’t royally fuck up this cake. I don’t know the first thing about baking. Do you?”

“Well, if we happen to burn it..we can always cover the burnt spots with frosting?” Sarah suggested as she carefully slipped the watch box into her backpack.

“You’re a genius.”

“Oh, I know.” She winked before buckling up.

The cake turned out to not be a disaster..well, minus the first cake mix not rising properly. The best part was getting to decorate it with Sarah’s help. She insisted on the frosted red hearts while you piped out the letters spelling, happy birthday. It was nearing 10pm when Joel had finally arrived home. He was already feeling guilty for the fact that he was home later than he promised, but that all washed away when he found his two favorite girls cuddled up on the couch watching re-runs of Property Brothers on HGTV.

“Sorry I'm late. They gave us the wrong size for the headers. Took way longer than I was expectin.’ What are we watchin?’ He softly asked as he kicked his heavy duty work boots alongside the doormat.

“Property Brothers.” Sarah mumbled with her cheek gently pressed against your shoulder.

“They’re pretty good lookin.’” Joel added as he maneuvered his way over to the couch and plopped down. “Y’all make that cake you’ve been ravin’ about?” He gently draped his arm around the back of the couch where your head was presently resting.

“Well, we almost had a serious mishap, but it’ll still be the best damn cake you’ve ever eaten.”

“G’in get it f’me, darlin.’” He nearly yawned from being exhausted on the job all day as you leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his temple before you got up and headed into the kitchen.

“Y’all didn’t burn it, right?” He asked his daughter who had shifted positions so she could cuddle up with him now.

“Nope. The first batch didn’t rise correctly, but two-times a charm, right?”

“That’s not how it goes, baby girl. Good effort though.” He chuckled softly as he wrapped his arm around her just as you came out of the kitchen with one hand supporting the base of the cake while the other was held close to the candles to keep them from burning out. Joel could see your eyes twinkle brightly from the flames of the candles, as a soft smile spread across his lips.

“Wow, y’all made this? Didn’t buy it from the store?”

“Homemade, just for you, baby.” You smiled warmly at him as you set the cake along the coffee table in front of him.

“Well, I'll be damned. That’s one fine lookin’ cake.” He nearly whistled.

You and Sarah sang Happy Birthday to him under the soft light of the candles glow while Joel listened proudly with happy tears glistening in his warm espresso colored eyes. All three of you were wearing silly little party hats from the dollar store, despite Joel’s protesting. (He looked damn cute in that hat) The cake was nothing short of delicious, and he was more than appreciative over both of his gifts. He might not have always been the biggest birthday person, but he was now all thanks to his favorite girls.

Banners made by the lovely @saradika

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

MidnightsWithDearKatyTSPB’s Recommendation List: May Pt. 1

Welcome to the first part of the May recommendation list. I hope you have been working enough, with the semester coming to a close for those in school. Ensure you aren’t letting yourself go too crazy with finals and are coming up for air and self-care. If you would like a moodboard made for your story or character, please send me a request. I would love to make you one. If you are interested in having your writing challenges featured here, your stories, or even your blog, please feel free to tag me in your works, message me, or use the hashtag MidnightWithDearKatyTSPB. Heads up, June may be all on one list. I’m going to my Grandmother’s 90th birthday and visit my family. I’ll get plenty of reading done while I’m gone, but I don’t know how much list-making I’ll get done. I hope your spring is going well and allergies are leaving you alone.

<<April Pt. 2 💐

May Pt. 2✨>>

Masterlist 📜

I'll See You Again (Moodboard + One-Shot) >> Tommy Shelby x OFC!Estella Shelby - Summary: Estella doesn’t want to let go of Tommy or her family.

BLURBS/DRABBLES:

Escape to Me by @daisyblinder >> Tommy Shelby x fem!reader - Summary/Request: The reader is autistic but masks a lot, so it's hidden, and Tommy can tell when they’re getting overwhelmed, so he sort of helps them out? | Found this very touching and wish to have a Tommy who would comfort them in those times of being overwhelmed.

Tommy Shelby + Hot Asshole Neighbor by @scorpiussage >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Were not always lucky when it comes to neighbors, or are we? (My Summary) | If Tommy were my neighbor, I would gladly like to hear how he would like to make it up to me. 😏

ONE-SHOTS:

And Her Name Is... by @teenwolf-theoriginals >> Dad!Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: The children help come up with baby names. | I truly love this family!Tommy setting.

The Boys by @teenwolf-theoriginals >> Dad!Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: You get a call from the boys’ school, that later sparks a tense conversation between you and Tommy. | I love reading Tommy in a family setting and Charlie with more siblings. Happy to read this.

Close Your Eyes, Make A Wish by @look-at-the-soul >> Modern!Tommy Shelby x reader - Summary/Request: The reader could be having an extremely stressful day, and Tommy comes home to find her looking out their bedroom window, and he gives her a cuddle knowing it always calms her down. | I had a smile on my face the whole time I read this.

Enraptured by @toms-cherry-trees >> John Shelby x Reader - Summary: Gif Request - Sneak Preview: “Oh I see a lot that I like” That cheeky grin of his has not left his lips, and you want to kiss the arrogance out of him... | I love this so much, honestly. You can never get too much, John Shelby.

Mine by @toms-cherry-trees >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Gif Request - Sneak Preview: More often that he cared to admit, Tommy had pictured her with that fan in her hand and nothing else on her skin. | The ending took me by surprise, and it had me so giddy.

More Than Enough by @dandelionprints >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Sneak Peak: “Who have you heard say that? You tell me and I’ll send Arthur round to have a chat with them, no one talks about my wife like that!” | Fantastic job making me fall in love with Tommy Shelby all over again.

My Daughter. by @toomanyfandomsallatonce >> Tommy Shelby x F!Reader - Summary: One of the maids at Arrow house yells at your daughter for breaking a vase, and Tommy is extremely displeased when he finds out. | I have such a soft spot for Dad!Tommy Shelby.

Season's Change, People Don't by @shelbyssins >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary/Request - Sneak Preview: “What if you say no and regret it?” Tommy asked, his voice as soft as the breeze whispering over Y/n’s skin. | This was just perfect, perfect, absolutely perfect.

There's A Lot of Making Up To Do by @acewritesfics >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Y/N is Charlie's daughter. Her and Tommy grew up together and have always been close until she moved away to go be a nurse in London. But now she's back. | Sometimes, a way to a woman's heart is a horse and remembering their teenage dreams of said perfect horse.

Untitled by @padfootdaredmetoo >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Sneak Peak: “You leave what’s mine alone. Now give my regards to Mr. Kimber.” He spat on them as John pulled him back; looking down at them, he wondered if they were dead. | This one-shot brings me joy and makes me want to cheer for Tommy Shelby.

Welcome Back Sweetheart. by @toomanyfandomsallatonce >> Tommy Shelby x F!Reader - Summary: You left Tommy before the war started, and now, years later, he found you again, and this time he won't let you run again. Especially not into the arms of your abusive husband. | When Tommy makes a promise, he keeps it.

Whatever You Say by @little-diable >> Tommy Shelby x fem!reader - Summary: The reader finds a book without a title in Tommy's office, and the more pages she flips, the more she starts to realize that it's a book filled with drawings of naked bodies. | Thank you for the porn with a plot. It was *chefs kiss* perfect.

SERIES:

1919 Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | by @shelby-fangirl00 >> Tommy Shelby x OFC!Jasmine Manson - Summary: Jasmine has lost almost everything in life except her Godmother, Polly, and the Shelby family. They are perhaps the only thing keeping her somewhat sane. She spends her days taking care of Finn and her nights living by the moon, reminiscing of old days with Tommy Shelby, wishing for him to come back to her to the way things were before the war. The thing is, the war has changed them both as they both have lost and changed so much in the four years they were apart. (my summary, sorry) | Loosely based on the series, and I'm loving what there is so far!

Night In January pt. 1 | Through The Window pt. 2 | Only Joys Will Come pt. 3 | by @evita-shelby >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: I ride on the January, which leads to a life-changing decision and Shelby family tradition. (My Summary) | I loved the emotions this touches on and how you can picture it happening in the series.

Welcome To Downtown, Mr. Shelby | Chapter 9 | by @notyour-valentine >> Tommy Shelby x OFC!Crawley - Summary: He was born on a boat, with neither of his parents sure of the date after the fact, unregistered and unlisted until he went to fight for his country. Her birth had been celebrated with the ringing of church bells, champagne toasts, and announcements in newspapers on both sides of the Atlantic. Their worlds could not have been more different, and perhaps that was why, when Thomas Shelby looked at Lady Charlotte Crawley, he saw more than her title, more than her looks- he saw an opportunity. | I look forward to reading more, and I love how you combine both universes. I know I said that last time Val, but you always blow my mind with your ability to do so.

PEDRO PASCAL CHARACTERS:

BLURBS/DRABBLES:

Games by @psychedelic-ink >> bodyguard!Joel Miller x actress!reader - Summary: Joel is fed up with your bratty behavior. | 🥵 🥵 🥵 Can be read alone or read its sequel High Enough.

Skinny Dipping by @swiftispunk >> Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: Sneak Peak - "there," he says softly, reaching out his hand for you to take hold of, pulling you further into the water and closer to him. "feels nice, don't it?" | I’d skinny-dip any day with Joel Miller if it were anything like this.

Snack Break by @joelscruff >> boyfriend's dad!Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: Joel needs you to be quiet. | Cocky!Joel telling you to enjoy your snack does things to me.

ONE-SHOTS:

At His Side (In His Bed) by @proxima-writes >> mand’alor!Din Djarin x female reader x Paz Vizsla - Summary: They call you the whore of Mandalore. Nothing more than the woman at the side of the ruler of New Mandalore, Din Djarin, a pretty little prize that he likes to share with his General Commander, Paz Vizsla. Mandalorians have always been good at keeping their secrets. | It's hot, and if you are like me, you'll surely love the ending.

High Enough by @psychedelic-ink >> Dieter Bravo x actress!reader x bodyguard!Joel Miller - Summary: An afterparty, weed, drinks, a grumpy bodyguard, and an eccentric actor. What can go wrong? | I think that was one of the hottest things I’ve ever read. 🥵🔥

In Her Defense by @swiftispunk >> Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: An unexpected attack. A protective instinct. A heartfelt exchange. (The reader steps in when a stranger tries it with Ellie, and Joel is a guilt-ridden sad boy about it.) | This was a lovely one-shot; I'm so glad I read it!

*I've Shattered Now by @wannab-urs >> Dieter Bravo x Reader - Summary: Continuation of A Ghost of You (but can be read separately). Dieter dies, and you have to learn to live without him. | I’m not crying like a big baby. Nope, I promise. This was so beautifully written, and I would read it repeatedly. Please read all TW.

*Old Soul by @softlyspector >> Joel Miller x f!Reader - Summary: You're never quite sure of your place in Joel's life. Everyone else seems to know exactly what it is. | This whole work is dark yet beautiful, honestly, and I love it.

Say It With Your Hands by @swiftispunk >> Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: Ellie convinces Joel to see the town masseuse. It goes mostly okay. | That was so hot 🥵 Hannah, thank you for sharing this with us.

*Seasons by @loquaciousferret >> Pre-Outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: One scene for each season of the year of your relationship as you fall in love with Joel Miller, single dad, and sweet southern heartthrob. | The best slow-burn and sweet porn I've read features Joel Miller. I adored it.

Toyin' With Them Older Guys by @proxima-writes >> bartender!Joel Miller x female!reader - Summary: Joel Miller is the grumpy bartender and owner of your favorite bar near campus, where you attend trivia every Tuesday night. Thinking there’s no way Joel could return your feelings, your friend suggests trying out Tinder. But when you bring them to the bar for a date, they leave mid-date without explanation. Maybe there’s something Joel isn’t telling you after all. | This was hot and, dare I say, adorable.

Weakness by @pedgeitopascal >> Joel Miller x female reader - Summary: An afternoon at Bill and Frank’s takes an unexpected turn for you and Joel when some feelings start coming to the surface. | The last line of this just sums this up so perfectly and beautifully…. I love it.

STORIES:

Apothecary | Chapter 4 | by @atinylittlepain >> Joel Miller x witchy!reader - Summary: Joel becomes curious about the woman running the medicine shop in Jackson, and the strange rumors swirling around her. | I know there is still more to come, and I look forward to what is in store for them.

Burning Hour by @juletheghoul >> Din Djarin x Royal F!Reader - Summary: Din Djarin is the captain of your father - the king's royal guard and, as such, is tasked with protecting you. When you leave a child and come back a woman, he sees you in a different light- but he isn’t the only one with his eye on you. Can a Princess and her Knight find a way to be together? | This story is so good! And the plot twist that you don't see coming! It blew my mind and made me love this story even more. I'm not sure which part I loved the most the vows, the porn, or the plot twist. I highly recommend you read this.

In My Hometown Series | Come Back, Be Here | by @swiftispunk >> neighbour!dbf!Joel Miller x fem!afab!actor(ish)!reader (+ platonic!Tommy and platonic!Sarah - Summary: Joel reckons with life in Austin after you return to LA | It's hot, but this series period is hot. It's one of my all-time favorite Joel Miller series here on Tumblr, and Hannah does amazing writing, Joel and reader.

One For The Money, Two For The Show by @cowgurrrl >> rockstar!Joel Miller x actress!reader - Summary: When world-famous rockstar Joel Miller finds himself in some hot water with the press, his PR team suggests fake dating an up-and-coming actress to refine his image. However, when they actually start spending time together, the happy couple can’t stand each other. Will they be able to turn it around for the cameras, or will it all be for nothing? | I LOVE THIS SERIES! If I were the reader, I would be screaming into my pillows about Joel Miller and his stupid face.

Raider by @toxicanonymity >> raider!Joel Miller x fem!reader - Summary: You think Joel is saving you from the bad guys, but he's just claiming you for himself. You're his now, and he won't let you or his men forget it. Better be a good girl for him. It's for your own good, sweet pea. | It's both a perfect amount of dark and porn. If you like dark!Joel look no further.

True Blue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | by @beskarandblasters >> Joel Miller x OC!Hannah - Summary: Joel has lived most of his life with little emotional attachments, especially romantic attachments. He was satisfied with only having his brother, Tommy, and his friend, Tess. That is until Hannah moves to the Boston QZ from Hartford, Connecticut QZ after the military control there collapses, and Joel questions everything he thought he knew about love, trust, and loyalty. | I look forward to seeing where this goes because this has me sucked in, and it’s very good!

*Uneven Odds by @theetherealbloom >> Joel Miller x Fem!Reader - Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written? | You want to cry, scream, and laugh all throughout. It’s a must-read for fans of the television series and Joel Miller.

Untitled pt.1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | by @pascalisbaby >> neighborhood!dbf!Joel Miller x fem!reader - Summary: after two years of fantasizing about your neighbor, Joel, he finally gives you what you’ve been dying for. | This series is just so good! Please read it.

TRIPLE FRONTIER:

ONE-SHOTS:

Take Care of You by @musings-of-a-rose >> Benny Miller x f!reader - Summary/Request: Here is my Benny idea. He gets worried about his baby working nights. The reason why he takes her to and from work. Go out to their favorite hangout for a late dinner. Then spoil her as soon they get home. | Buddles, that is so cute, and yes, I could use some myself.

Pedro Pascal characters as Taylor Swift albums by @swiftispunk

Tommy Shelby Moodboard by @raincoffeeandfandoms

[mariatesstruther]

ellie coming out to marlene and marlene being like girl me too and ellie coming out to tommy and tommy being like girl me too and ellie coming out to maria and maria being like girl me too and ellie coming out to tess and tess being like girl me too—

[ellies-mullet]

Give the Girl a Gun

Desc: Joel gives his little girl a lesson in shooting a gun.

Warnings: Mentions of gun use, literal gun use, mentions of loss and death

Notes: This is absolute SHITTT but I wanted to put out something. This is part of my dad!Joel series so yayyy a new addition to the story. I wrote this months ago and it's kind of a quick read but... enjoy nonethess.

New Joel x Reader fic coming this week though *wink.*

There was a particular day where Joel was sitting on his worn in sofa

It was an unusually sweltering and humid day and the cheap AC unit in Joel's apartment had been out since last week

Although he had sent in a request to get it fixed, no one had been sent just yet

He was majorly pissed about this

Joel was so worried about you overheating in your sleep

He would have nightmares of him finding your little body stiff in the morning

The mere thought of another loss, especially you, made Joel’s chest tighten by the second

So for now, Joel had made sure to keep towels soaked with cold water on hand to place on you while you slept

He would even place them in the shitty freezer he had to make sure they stayed cold(Tess had actually come up with this one)

As much as Joel worried about whether or not he was a good father, it was clear he was the best you could have had

Despite the fact that Joel was clearly a good and caring father, he tried his best not to baby you too much

He didn’t use babytalk, he spoke to you with “regular” words in his regular voice

He was a no bullshit dad

There was no point in shielding you from the dangers in the world when those dangers wouldn’t take two seconds to shoot or bite you

To Joel, if you were going to survive this world, you couldn’t be a “normal” child and you couldn’t have a normal childhood

He couldn’t raise you like he had raised Sarah.

There was only so much cold towels could fix

Before you were even born, Joel was already planning on teaching you how to protect yourself

While it pained him to think about, he knew that he wouldn't be able to protect you forever

Whether that be because he was bit or of natural causes, he simply wouldn’t always be there

And as he watched you play with your toys on the floor in front of him, giggling and rambling to yourself, he assured himself that he would be doing the right thing by teaching you how to protect yourself

Just in case.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Alright now… first thing you gotta know is to never put your finger on the trigger unless you’re gonna take the shot.”

Your little arms held up Joel’s own revolver, eyes trained on the three glass bottles placed a little more than ten feet away

As Joel gave you directions on how to handle the gun, your big, sweet eyes would glance up at him, looking for assurance and validation

Joel wiped the sweat off his brow before asking you to line up the gun with the bottle in the middle

You nervously did as you were instructed, your heart beating quickly

Joel placed his hand on your back gently to calm you down

“This is just practice, honey. No need to be perfect.”

“I’m right here. Don’t be afraid of the gun.”

You missed three times

But eventually, you hit the bottle

Joel felt a sense of pride watching you as you took your finger off the trigger and lowered the gun

You spoke excitedly and with giddy, so proud of yourself for hitting the bottle

Joel had you shoot a few more times and you shot with more and more accuracy

Onlookers that passed the alley where you were practicing looked on with dismay 

Someone as young as you probably shouldn’t be holding a gun

Joel could understand

As much as he felt pride looking down at you holding his revolver, he couldn’t help but feel a piece of his soul break away

His baby

His child

His daughter

You were growing up too quickly

Quicker than you should’ve

But Joel would rather be safe than sorry.

[ellies-enrichment]

she touched the boot :(

[lokischocolatefountain]

Purpose

Fandom: The Last of Us

Word count: 12.7k

Rating: PG13 for violence (Fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, mention of sexual harassment, minor character deaths, major character death, death of a child, grief, blood and gore)

Summary: “I think if he (Joel) could do anything or be anything, he would be a dad, raising his daughter. Whether it’s Sarah or— he can’t quite get there yet to say it’s Ellie but that's what he was put on this Earth to do. That’s why he’s been wandering around a little like a zombie himself for 20 years. He’s trying to find his purpose because it was taken from him.” -Craig Mazin

A/N: I’ve been writing bits and pieces of this for moooonths! Since the last episode aired. So I really really hope you guys like it. I love all the Joel & Ellie fics out there but there’s a hole in my heart where the Joel & Sarah fics should be. So here you go, a one shot of Joel Miller and his purpose in life, how he earned it and how he lost it.

20th July 1989

What do you want to be when you grow up?

It was a question that adults asked way too many times. Way too casually. It was as though they had forgotten what it felt like to be a teenager with a whole world of possibilities, the overwhelming feeling of wanting to be everything from an astronaut to an actor. They never accepted the answer they got from the kids. At least that was Joel’s experience. They always laughed when he said he wanted to be a singer. That’s not a real job, they’d say. So, he made up something that he didn’t even want to do.

Accountant. That’s what he told people he’d become. He didn’t even know what that job entailed. He just blurted it out, possibly because his new classmate’s dad was an accountant and that was the first thing that came to his mind. And because it was a real job unlike singer.

That also didn’t quite cut it for adults. You need to be good at math for that. They were right. He was no good at it. As he sat on the hospital chair, too afraid to move or breathe, he wished he’d been better at math. Maybe that would’ve gotten him a better job than building. He’d be in an office and make enough money for this.

The baby stirred in his arms and let out a low whine and his heart almost fucking stopped. She was so little, so fucking fragile. One wrong move and she could wake up. His mother told him to put her back in the crib, so did the mother of the girl who was fast asleep on the hospital bed. His mother-in-law. But he couldn’t. He was afraid that once he put her down, she’d disappear. She would. Both their parents were in contact with some adoption people and they were going through a list of names of respectable men and women with respectable jobs and good loving homes. There were some accountants on the list. They were probably good at math and didn’t have to get yelled at everyday for buying the wrong valves and choosing the wrong brand of grout. The prospective fathers were all at least a decade older than he was.

But he couldn’t put her down.

So he stayed awake on the chair throughout the night, his back hurting just a little but his heart full.

Wanting to be a singer was just a childish fantasy. Accounting was just something he made up to look serious in the eyes of grown ups. There were other ideas too— soccer player, fireman, cop. None of them felt right.

And what was it they always said about jobs? Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life? He’d never loved anything. Until now. Never found a purpose. Until now.

He cradled her close to his chest, supporting her tiny soft head with his hand. Fuck, her head was so little, so soft. His large hands already marked up by construction jobs felt unworthy of touching such pureness.

Sarah.

He can’t give her away. Not after the name popped into his head. He didn’t know why, couldn’t explain it to anyone who asked. But she was Sarah.

Sarah Miller, he thought when he realized he had a purpose for the first time in his life.

They told him he can’t do it, that he shouldn’t. They told him he didn’t know the first thing about babies. The girl he got pregnant— his wife—is hurt, said he can’t go back on their promise to give the baby up for adoption so that she can go back to school to be a lawyer. She said it will ruin her life and he had to agree. It will. The innocent little thing that continued sleeping on his lap did kind of ruin her life. She had to take a break fro, school, put up with morning sickness and bloating and back pain and fucking everything because of the baby. Raising her for 18 years? That would be the nail on the coffin of her dreams.

But he wasn’t the dreaming kind.

“I ain’t askin’. I know it’s not fair to ya. You already done everythin’, but…” I can’t imagine a life without Sarah. He had known her for less than 10 hours and life already seemed meaningless without her in it. “I’ll do it myself, okay? You don’t gotta do anything. You never have to visit. I just… I can’t give her up, darlin’. I promise I won’t rope you into this. I’ll fuckin’ disappear, never call you or write to you.”

“Joel…”

His mother thought she was a cruel girl to want to leave her baby behind when he, the father, stepped up to provide. But he had no feelings of anger towards her. They made a promise to each other. He was the one who broke it, not her. He would break all his promises to everyone in his life, no matter what, just to be his little girl’s dad.

“We’re too young.”

He nodded. He knew that. He’d been an adult for a grand total of four years and most of it, he’d spent drinking and working on construction. No transferable skills there. He was still kind of a kid and knew fuck all about raising a whole new person. The prospect was terrifying. It was even more terrifying to lose her, though. It felt like if he was taken away from his baby girl, he would fucking die.

“It’ll be harder to do anything. Parties, work, college, sleep. Everything will be harder.”

“Yeah,” he croaked, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He was only now old enough to legally get very drunk and illegally continue smoking joints in the storage shed with his friends. They had only recently bought themselves a proper plate and silverware. Eating out of the pot used to be more than enough before.

He’d just started taking care of himself. Just started doing his laundry in the local laundromat instead of driving his dirty clothes all the way to his parents’ for his mom to wash and fold up for him. He’d just started separating his whites from his coloured clothes.

It felt like his heart could fucking leap out of his chest when he wrote it down.

Name: Sarah Miller

Father’s name: Joel Miller

When I grow up, I want to be a father. This would not have been an acceptable answer to the adults. They liked hearing that from little girls, but not from boys. Adults thought boys should have more ambition than that. Fuck, he was an adult. Fuck. Fucking hell.

She asked for a divorce, reluctant and scared. He could tell she still loved him. It may have been their parents’ idea for them to marry, but they did have a good 7 months of marriage. They were friends, kind of. Despite the young parenthood and the anger about damaged condoms and who was responsible for getting drunk enough to have sex using a broken condom, they didn’t fight much. In another world, they would have been a good couple. Not this one. Losing her hurt, but he had to choose between her and his baby.

He signed the papers.

She visited the baby a few times, but never held her. Her older sister dropped off breast milk from her a few times and he was so grateful. He heard that it was very important for the baby’s health. He gave her formula, but this was more important according to the doctor. She said the mother’s milk had some stuff in it that the baby really needed. He didn’t know what the hell it was, he tried his best to remember the complicated words but they didn’t stick. He was just happy that Sarah could be healthy.

3rd August 1989

Bullshit. What a load of bullshit.

Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life? He wanted to backhand whoever said that.

“I got you baby, Daddy’s got you,” he said, rubbing her back as she cried into his chest. “Here’s your bottle. Just a few seconds and you’ll have your milk, okay?”

Tommy looked at him like he was a space alien. Yeah it was fucking weird, alright. He was in his shorts in the kitchen, wearing a smelly t-shirt and talking to his baby who didn’t know how to reply. But what did Tommy know? He didn’t have to be the one with no human company other than a little baby who didn’t know shit about shit.

He loved Sarah. He never knew what love was until Sarah. He thought he loved his parents, he might love Tommy just a little even though he was fucking annoying and got into trouble all the time. He fell in love a few times before Sarah’s mom and he was in love with Sarah’s mom. But maybe he didn’t love them. He didn’t love any of them. They should either invent a new word for whatever he felt for Sarah or a new, less stronger word for what he felt for every other person.

He really truly loved her. But that still didn’t make him feel like he wasn’t working. This was the most work he had ever done in his life. Even the sleepless week he spent building that shop, fuelled by energy drinks and coffee to afford baby clothes and medicines when his then wife was 8 months pregnant didn’t come close.

Sarah woke up crying all the goddamn time.

He knew babies always cried. They couldn’t talk or write or do anything else to communicate. So they cried. But it always felt like a personal failure when she did. Like he was the bad dad everyone expected a 22 year old single father to be.

“She always do that?” Tommy asked when Sarah finally quietened down as she sucked on the bottle he held to her mouth.

“Pretty much. She can’t talk or nothin’, so…”

Tommy nodded and then yawned. God, this boy. Joel had a lot to worry about now and everything he worried about involved Sarah. But he couldn’t not worry about his baby brother. Before he was a father, he was Tommy’s big brother and he will never stop worrying about him. He always got himself into trouble trying to do something good, something noble. The latest one was talkin’ ‘bout enlisting in the fuckin’ army.

He seemed to really really want to be in the army, but that didn’t say much. Tommy really really wanted to do fucking everything. While Joel was the brother with no strong ambitions other than Sarah, Tommy was the brother with too many ambitions. He fought off kids bigger than him if they bullied his classmates, spoke up against teachers who said somethin’ racist, punched a grown man for looking at his female friend wrong. And it was always on Joel to rescue him.

He would run off to a bunch of wars to protect his stupid little brother again. But for the first time he didn’t want to. He had a purpose now. His baby brother needed saving all the time, but his baby needed him for everything.

Tommy would have to handle himself. No big brother to shield him from bullets.

“Don’t fuck up, alright? Ma don’t need that now. I’m already fuckin’ up and she don’t need you to fuck up too.”

“You’re not fuckin’ up, Joel. Ma loves Sarah,” Tommy says, his voice soft as he gently taps Sarah’s cheek with his finger. She looks up at her Uncle Tommy and he swears she’s a little annoyed at him for disturbing her third dinner time. There was no way he was imagining that. He didn’t know if babies were smart enough to be annoyed, but Sarah was. She was a smart one. Tommy had to see that too.

“Yeah yeah, sorry,” Tommy laughed as he apologized to her. He could see it, Tommy also loved Sarah. He was an Uncle and shit. His baby brother, an Uncle. Wild.

Of course Ma loved Sarah. Everyone loved Sarah. He didn’t think it was possible for anyone to look at his baby girl and not fall in love immediately.

“I’m serious, Tommy. Don’t fu—” Fuck! No swearing. Ma warned that if he kept swearing around the baby, her first word might be fuck or shit or goddamn it. “Don’t mess up, okay?” He quickly corrected himself.

“Ma loves Sarah, but that don’t make me any less of a failure. I’m a twenty one year old divorced single father with no chances to go to college and no prospects other than construction. You gotta be better than that.”

He nodded, looking stern and a little too grown up for his age. He was too grown up to be an uncle, too grown to be shipped off God knows where to shoot at other kids but it was what it was. “Yeah…”

After a couple minutes of silence, Tommy spoke up again. “At least she won’t bug me for grandkids, right? You already gave her one.”

“Yeah, the perfect one. Gonna be difficult for your future kid to meet Ma’s high expectations.” He said, smirking. He was never competitive. Never did anything just to be better than someone else at it. The age gap between him and Tommy made him more of of protective older brother than a competitive one. But he was pitting Tommy’s non-existent kid against his baby and it didn’t even feel wrong.

“Fuck you, dude,” he laughed.

“No swearing ‘round her. Don’t want her first word to be that.”

Tommy burst out laughing. “It’ll be funny, though. Just imagine that in a little baby voice.”

He chuckled and conceded, “Yeah, it’ll be funny. But I’m serious. No swearing.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

25th December 1989

“Look at that! Ain’t it pretty?” He cooed, exaggerating the beauty of the scene in front of him. Her eyes were brighter than any Christmas light on the tree in the living room. They were brighter than the sun and the moon and all the stars in the night sky he pointed out to her.

She was wrapped up in several layers of clothes. For a baby, she had too many clothes and it was a pain in the ass to wash and fold. But she looked so adorable in all those layers. It was like she was a soft, formless ball.

He laughed as she moved her arms around and bounced on the couch. She was propped up by two pillows and he put a couple more on the floor just in case. He wouldn’t let her fall, but just in case. She pointed at the bauble he plucked off the Christmas tree, her baby bird-like mouth forming into a little O shape. She laughed and reached her arms out for it. He let her touch it. How could he not when she looked at it like it was the most wonderful thing in the universe.

She looked at everything like it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

He picked her up from her fortress of pillows and held her on his waist, carrying her closer to the tree. Carefully, he placed her higher on top of him, her legs on his shoulders and her hands gripping his hair for dear life. The mirror above the fireplace framed them like a photograph, their first Christmas together. One hand still on his hair, she reached out for a bauble, a present from an aunt for his shotgun wedding.

It should make him sad, but he found himself…happy. Sure, life would be easier if he had Pam to share the duties of parenthood. Sure it was shit to be a divorcee at the age of twenty two. But he had Sarah at the end of the marriage and that was worth everything.

While he was preoccupied with the meaning behind the ornament, his daughter was completely unconcerned with events that occurred before her birth. She inspected the ornament with a kind of gentleness he hadn’t seen in many babies— he remembered Tommy to be the kind to break things with his enthusiasm and cry over the destruction he’d wreaked. Sarah tapped on it gently with her hand and squealed with delight.

“It’s cool, huh?” He said, making conversation with her. She hummed in response and moved to an unusual ornament shaped like a butterfly, her eyes wide with curiosity and her fingers cautiously inspecting the antlers. Father and child stood in front of the Christmas tree all night long, inspecting every single ornament and making conversation in the language only they knew to speak.

If she loved the tree so much, he decided, he’d keep it in the living room in the fucking summer. Who said you couldn’t have a Christmas tree in June? He fucking loved being her dad.

18th January 1990

He fucking hated being a dad.

He would never let her know. God, he would never ever tell her that.

“Daddy’s got you, daddy’s got you. Everything is fine, baby girl.”

It was like she didn’t even hear him. She kept crying those heartbreaking, soul-crushing cries. He gave her the medicines that the doctor told him to buy. He did fucking everything but she still wouldn’t stop crying. He had to be doing something wrong. He told Ma that, but she said that was how babies were and he just had to take care of her, hold her close and wait for her temperature to go down.

But what until then?

“Ma! Ma, she won’t stop crying.”

“Did you give her the medicines?” His mother’s drowsy voice came through the phone. He shouldn’t be disturbing her after the day she had, but he couldn’t be bothered about her comfort. His baby was crying, goddamn it!

“Yeah, I did. Still won’t stop,” he said, his voice breaking and he bounced the baby, hoping that would soothe her.

“Did you check her temperature?”

“Yeah. Hundred and two.”

“It’s gone down then. She’s getting better.”

“Why’s she still cryin’ then?”

He was a grown man, a father, but god he felt like a fuckin’ kid again. He wanted his Ma. He wanted her to drive all the way to his place and tell him what to do to fix her, make her pain go away.

“That’s how it is, Joel. This is normal. I’ll be there in the morning when your old man can drive me, okay? She’ll get better, kid. Don’t worry too much.”

Ma was right, she did get better. But it was the worst night of his life and he would put her in a medically sealed safe room for the rest of her life just to never have to relive it.

She got sick again, of course. She was a kid and as he learned, kids were germ magnets. It was intolerable and it made him hate being a father. That made him feel guilty. It was stupid, he knew that. What could he even do? Punch germs in the face? Throw hands with the daycare mom who didn’t vaccinate her kid who ended up coughing on his baby girl?

He hated what being a father made him think and do. He felt unhinged, irrational. But it never felt wrong. And he never hated being her father. This was his purpose and he didn’t mind being a fuckin’ psycho who thought of fighting the baby who gave his baby a fever.

28th April 1991

“Can I have one, please?”

Joel brought the hammer down on the nail, looking up every now and then for glimpses of his daughter sitting on her uncle’s lap.

She looked at Tommy with her perfect angel eyes, hand messy and gripped around a disgusting soggy cookie she’d soaked with her saliva. She shook her head at Tommy before putting the cookie back in her mouth.

“Please? Uncle Tommy is hungry. And your dad won’t feed me.” He gave her his best puppy-dog eyes, but his baby girl didn’t budge. She hugged the packet of cookies close to her chest like Tommy was gonna snatch it from her and it made both of them laugh. He dropped his hammer on the floor and walked up to them.

He got on his knees next to Tommy’s chair and looked at her. “Please can I have one? Daddy’s hungry.”

She took her cookie out of her mouth and stretched her hand out to him. He leaned in, no hesitation and took the entire soggy piece in his mouth.

“Duuuude! Seriously? I bought those cookies and you’ll share it with your daddy but not with me? What a pair of scammers.”

Joel sent a smug smile his way before returning back to work. Babies were pretty selfish and Sarah was no exception, but he was an exception and that made him feel like the most special man in Texas.

“Miller,” a stern voice interrupted his family. He didn’t know whether it was directed towards him or towards Tommy, but the both of them apologized and left Sarah to her own devices before returning to work.

“Clients are such meanies, aren’t they?” He whispers to Sarah when the client is out of sight.

“Meanie!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and lifting the packet of cookies with her. He laughed. That was a new word. She was a smart one.

They work all night, both of them. Sarah sleeps in the baby seat he bought for his truck. The daycare moms suggested it and he was so glad he bought one. It was damn expensive but ‘twas helpful for when they’re both working and Ma couldn’t take Sarah.

16th October 1992

Kids asked a lot of questions. Sarah did too.

Why is the sky blue? Why are some trees tall but other trees short? Why are soap suds all white no matter the color of the soap? What is a library? Why does Grandma have grey hair? Why does Uncle Tommy have long hair? What is a housing loan? What is concrete? Why is concrete gray? Why won’t you let me touch concrete?

He didn’t have a problem with the non-stop questions like other parents did. It was better for her to channel her curiosity into questions than get into trouble trying to find answers herself. His problem was that he wasn’t smart enough to answer ‘em.

He eventually did. Or hoped that she’d forget that he said he’ll ask someone and get back to her with the answer. But this wasn’t something he could ask someone else. It wasn’t something he could hope she’d forget. If she forgot now, she’d ask again later at some point in her life.

“What’s my mommy’s name?”

“Her name was Pamela.”

Was, he said. Like she was fucking dead. It had been years since he’d said that name. What a strange turn life took. Once upon a time, his whole world revolved around Pam and now he’d half forgotten what she looked like.

“Where is she?”

Last he heard, somewhere in New York. She became a lawyer. Good for her.

“I don’t know, baby,” he lied. What was the point of telling her where her mother was? She didn’t even know where New York was. She hadn’t even thought to ask about her mother in all these years. Well, she couldn’t even speak for a good portion of it but still…

“All the other kids have a mommy. Why don’t I have one?” Was he not enough? A lot of people reminded him that kids needed a mother more than they needed a father. That little girls needed a mother. That he wouldn’t know what the hell to do when she wanted cookies for the school bake sale or wanted a cute braid or got her period. He told all of them to go fuck themselves. Politely.

Her tiny hands held the stuffed animal he spent too much time and money on to win at the fair. Her innocent little eyes begged him for answers, reminding him where she got ‘em from. They looked like when Pam told him she was pregnant, scared and confused and begging him to do something, help somehow.

He might get a heart attack in his mid twenties.

“It’ll be harder to do anything. Parties, work, college, sleep. Everything will be harder.”

He didn’t know it would be like this. He knew the question would come up but he wasn’t prepared.

“I…”

She was patient. He picked her up from her chair and held her to his chest, wishing she’d go back to just babbling and looking cute.

“Most babies have two parents. A mommy and a daddy. Do you know why?”

She shook her head and kept her attention on his every word.

“Because they’re all so naughty.”

That got a laugh out of her. An easy smile found itself on his lips. It was hard to not smile when he saw her smile.

“Jason has a mommy and daddy,” he said, referring to the boy she had a few play dates with. “He gets in a lot of trouble so he needs to parents to take care of him. But you’re such a good kid, the best kid in the world and God knows that. So he just gave you one parent. Because Daddy is enough to take care of you.”

He was enough. He was enough to take care of her. He could pay for her daycare and clothes and health and everything. He read her bedtime stories and took her to work and kept her away from the tools.

He was enough.

“Is she taking care of another kid then? Is that why she’s not here?”

Jesus Christ, this girl.

“I don’t know, baby.”

“Oh. Can we go to the park?”

And just like that, she was over it. Thank fucking God.

He held her curls and gave her a kiss on her head. She was so special, she was so perfect. She deserved everything, deserved the whole universe, deserved a mom. He would spend his whole life and more giving her whatever she needed.

1st September 1993

“Here’s some snacks for you. I’ll leave it in your bag. Don’t forget to have it, okay?”

She nodded, munching on her cereal as he packed her backpack for her first day of school. He was nervous, but she looked completely fine. So did Tommy on his first day of school, but he ended up throwing a tantrum at the school gates and refused to let go of their parents. Joel had to promise him a full bar of candy to get him to finally walk into school.

Just so it was not too jarring for her, he made it a point to drive past her school every now and then. As they passed by, he explained to her that she would be going there everyday very soon and make a lot of tiny friends.

Construction work meant that schedules were all over the place. Sarah, having had no independent life of her own so far, was forced to stick to his messy days, waking up and sleeping at different times. Joel changed that to prepare her for waking up early to go to school.

With her bag packed with her pencil case, water bottle, snacks, color pencils and the books and notebook her school asked her to bring, it was time to move on to the next task.

“Daddy, I want the purple bows today. The new ones Nana bought.”

“I know, baby girl. I got them here already,” he said, pulling out the bright purple hair accessories from his pocket where he’d also shoved her hair brush, handkerchief and socks. He pulled her hair together in two pigtails, proud of himself for how far he’d come in doing her hair from a confused man asking his very few female friends for help to a natural dad who did this every morning.

He clipped a bow on each side, the little purple things sitting at the base of her soft rounded hair style. She climbed up the table without notice and checked herself out on the mirror nearby, grinning as she touched her hair.

“Thank you, daddy.”

“Aww, you’re welcome baby girl,” he cooed, pulling her close and placing kisses on her cheeks and forehead. He couldn’t believe she was ready for school already. It felt like she was born just yesterday. Each day was long and difficult, but together they’d all passed by in the blink of an eye. He didn’t know if she was prepared for such a big step, to be in school everyday for a couple hours without him.

“Tickles,” she giggled as his mustache scratched her cheeks. He kissed her again, making her fill the living room once again with her squeals and laughter.

“I want the orange shoes today,” she said, placing her foot on his chest.

“Sure? You picked the black socks with the green aliens. Shouldn’t you wear black shoes?”

“You don’t know fashion, daddy. You wear only boring tops without cartoon characters. And you don’t even have Barbie clothes.”

“Yeah, yeah. Orange shoes it is then,” he said, slipping the shoes she demanded on her feet. At least they were Velcro and she could remove them and put them back on easily without help.

Soon, Tommy had arrived at their door and like the menace he was, brought some candies.

“Tommy,” he spoke in a stern tone.

“Come on, Joel! It’s a big day. Our baby girl is all grown up and going to school!”

“I’m a big girl!” She exclaimed, pumping her little fists in the air like she’d won a medal.

“Yeah, very big,” Tommy laughed, putting the candies in her school backpack. “Now, be nice and share some candy with your classmates. That’s the quickest way to make friends.”

She listened to his advice intently and Joel wondered if she’d take a pen and notepad out to take his advice down if only she knew how to string alphabets together to make words.

While he usually sat in the front and let Sarah sit in the back of the truck, he chose to sit in the back this time, offering her the comfort and confidence she needed to take this big leap.

“…be a good girl and listen to your teacher. And don’t use any rude words, okay? Stuff you hear at daddy’s work, it’s only for grown ups. You understand?”

She nodded, beady eyes focused on the glittery designs of her backpack rather than his words. As much as he tried to speak properly around her, he couldn’t stop her from learning the crass words spoken by the people he worked with at the construction sites. And because daycare was expensive and he didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with strangers for such a big part of the day, she had to be at his workplaces, heart no those words.

“Don’t be scared. It’s just school and it’ll be fun. You’ll get to read new stories and make new friends. It can be scary in the beginning but it will be so much fun,” he continued on, caressing her back as he held her close.

“What do you do if you’re scared or if you want daddy?”

“I’ll tell my teacher you’re waiting outside and I want to go to you,” she repeated the words he’d been drilling into her head for months. He had taken the entire week off work to wait for Sarah outside school. Just in case she really needed him before the end of the school day. God forbid there be an injury or something.

“You’ve seen your classroom before, remember? With the colorful stickers on the walls?” She nodded, walking next to him as she looked around at the other kids and parents on the campus for their first day. He averted her eyes from the crying kids, afraid that seeing them might make her cry too.

Joel dreaded the waterworks, dreaded how her sparkling eyes would brim with tears and her little lips would pout before fat tears rolled down her cheeks. She was too precious for that and her tears always made him want to tear up anything and anyone who caused it. It didn’t matter that she also cried for the silliest reasons and cried when she threw tantrums. They never stopped having that heartstrings-pulling effect they had when she came crying and screaming into the world. Those cries that convinced him that he shouldn’t give her up, that he couldn’t trust anyone else on the planet to comfort her the way he could.

When they reached her classroom and met Mrs. Moore, he handed her backpack over to her. Kneeling in front of her, he gave her a few kisses on her cheeks. “Be good, okay? Daddy’s right outside and I’ll pick you up when school is over. Yeah?”

“Okay, daddy!” She said cheerfully. He turned his cheek to her for a kiss, but she didn’t notice, walking off in the other direction with her backpack. She dipped her bag on the table before introducing herself to another kid with her standard script for meeting others— her name, his name, her favorite cartoon characters and a handshake while she said it was nice to meet them.

“Dang, she couldn’t wait to ditch ya,” remarked Tommy as he watched Sarah socialize and show the kids the cartoon characters on her backpack.

Joel’s vision clouded with tears as he sat on his knees in the middle of the classroom. His lips trembled and his chest clenched at being left just like that by her. She never left him. Even when she was with her grandparents, she came running to their porch when she heard him and Tommy pull up in the drive.

Tommy dragged him away from the classroom when it was time for parents to leave. While he left, Joel’s heart stayed right there in the classroom.

“Goddamn,” he muttered as he wiped his tears off with the sleeves of his shirt. To think he was worried about her crying… Here he was, crying like a child while his actual child faced her first day of school with a big smile on her face.

“Can’t believe she’s in school already,” Tommy said and he nodded, not confident that he could speak without sobbing.

How was he supposed to do this everyday? Just leave her in a building with complete strangers and be confident that when he went back, she would be there, safe and happy. Other kids could bully her, her teacher might be rude to her, she might be hungry even after eating the snacks he packed her. How was he supposed to know how she was doing in all these hours she’d spend in a place with none of the friends and family she knew?

It was like taking your heart out your chest, putting a backpack on it and sending it away to fend for itself while praying that nothing bad would happen to it.

30th November 1994

Joel Miller would beat up anyone who made his baby girl cry. He didn’t care who it was. This time though, he had no one to blame but himself. She wouldn’t let him near her. She was crying, but she was also incredibly angry. Where did she even get anger from? He couldn’t believe that such a tiny little girl could have so much anger in her.

“I’m leaving the house and I’m never ever coming back!” She squeaked into the phone between sobs.

He was disappointed in himself. She was being especially difficult, yes. He had to drop her off at daycare and run to work, but she wouldn’t stop running around in the backyard in her pajamas. He’d had enough and yelled.

So here she was with her pink backpack full of her things that she packed herself— mismatched clothes, hairbrush, hair wrap, hair tie, teddy bear. She didn’t pack any underwear. She was stood on the couch to reach the landline phone, holding the receiver to her ear and asking, no demanding, that Uncle Tommy pick her up.

“Who made my baby girl cry? I’m gonna kick their butts,” Tommy declares as he walks in, popsicle in hand. He was gonna kick Tommy’s ass. She wasn’t supposed to have that shit. It was unhealthy. But apparently it wasn’t up to him anymore. It was Sarah and her Uncle Tommy’s world and he was just living in it.

“I’ll get him, okay baby?” He reassured her gently and Sarah nods before hugging Tommy.

Fucking drama queens, the both of them.

“Go wait in the truck and have this popsicle, okay? I’ll beat your dad up.”

She grinned— what the fuck. She grinned, took the stupid popsicle and ran off to the truck which neither of them asked to borrow. Fucking thieves.

Tommy burst out laughing as soon as she left.

“If you wanna be cool Uncle Tommy beatin’ her dad up, the least you can do it babysit her until she stops hatin’ me.”

“She doesn’t hate you!”

“You said you were going to beat me up and she fuckin smiled like you promised her a pony. Take her for the weekend,” he said, handing him the bag that he packed for her. And this one had her underwear, matching set of clothes, her favorite blanket and the story book she was currently reading.

He loved her but goddamn it, he needed a break. The teenage years were going to be hell.

26 September 1996

His hands are cover in glitter. And they’re also sticky for some reason. Something happened here. He didn’t know what, but he would find out. There’s a pair of scissors on the floor. He didn’t put them there and the only other person in the house was told very clearly to not touch them.

Rules were more like suggestions in this household.

“Sarah!” He calls out, walking around the house looking for her. Where the hell was this kid on a school day? It usually took waking her up a million times, took begging to get her to make her bed and some threats to get her outside her bedroom.

He almost yelped when a something, roughly the weight of one Sarah Miller, landed on his back and began giggling.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!!” She screamed into his ear. His ears rang from the sound and his heart beat faster, but his heart also grew warmer.

He pulled her to his front and she wasted no time giving him wet kisses on his cheeks. “Thank you, baby girl,” he said, laughing from her enthusiasm. She had never remembered his birthday before, not that he expected her to. She barely remembered her own and made him count down to it from 3 months before the day. So it was a surprise that she remembered.

“I made you a gift,” she said, showing off the gaps between her teeth as she smiled.

“Whaaaat? A gift? For me?”

She nodded and wriggled out of his grip before running off. Her footsteps grew distant and then closer until she emerged with what he could only hope used to be paper. It was a sparkling red sheet. Under all the glitter, there had to be some paper left. There was paper and on it were the words ‘Happy birthday daddy’ written colorfully in crayons. He opened the card to find a drawing of him— beard, power tools, truck and all. It was labeled ‘daddy’.

On the right was a message from her, in her writing that started big and became smaller with each alphabet.

‘Happy Birthday Daddy. I love you.’

“Do you like it?” She asked, wide eyes looking at him expectantly.

“I love it! It’s perfect, baby,” he praised, picking her up off the ground and smothering her with kisses. She was the sweetest, most precious thing in the world. His Ma gave him a new shirt and Tommy bought him a bottle of good whiskey, but they paled in comparison to the card that he tucked away safely in the file with all their important documents, glitter be damned. The card collection grew over the years.

2nd February 1997

“You’ll like her, I promise!”

“Where have I heard that before?” Joel snorted, getting back under the truck to look for whatever the hell had gone wrong underneath for it to not start. They did take a bus to the construction site that morning, but they couldn’t do that again. The buses were unreliable and the walk to the bus stop took up half an hour. Sarah was already annoyed at him for not coming home on time. Last thing he wanted was to leave home earlier and come back later.

“Okay, that was one time! And she was a friend of a friend of a friend. I’ve met Judy and she’s definitely your type.”

“Sure,” he grunted, extending his hand out to get the tool he needed from Tommy.

“Curly hair, kind of tall. She’s clever. A math teacher, actually. Out of your league in that department so if you could pull her, it would be a miracle.”

“You settin’ me up for failure then.”

“Listen, she’s new to the city and she’s open to meeting people. It’s not gone be a date, Joel. Just drinks with her, a couple of her friends, my roommate and his sisters. You need a break.”

He hated to admit it even to himself, but Tommy was right. Not about dating, but about needing a break. He had been working a lot more recently. The contracting business was still in its infancy and needed a lot of his time and attention to just stay afloat. He didn’t have enough capital to invest in more monpower, so he had to take every call and make every decision and do every task he didn’t have enough guys for.

“I’ll think about it,” he said, wiping his face with the greasy cloth, getting more grease on himself than off.

“I’ll ask Ma to take Sarah. You know she’s dying to see that kid,” Tommy offered. He knew that it was meant to get him to feel better, less guilty about getting rid of Sarah for the night to get drunk. But it only made him feel worse about shirking his responsibilities to go get drunk and try to sleep with someone. The last time he did that, he became a father.

But he does it anyway because he told Tommy he would. He goes on a couple of dates with the girl and it feels nice to be around someone who is interested in him for himself, not for what he did for them or because they were stuck with him.

It doesn’t last long. Sarah and work always take priority over everything else in his life and she understandably doesn’t like being his last priority. He never tries again.

16th June 1998

“Sarah!” He called for the fourth time, again with no response. He plated the food for her, grabbed his own plate and walked upstairs to her room.

“Been calling out your name for ten minutes now, baby girl.”

She looked up at him, a weary smile on her lips. “Sorry. I was just finishing up my assignment. Didn’t hear you.”

He put the plate on the table in front of her and ruffled her hair, making her pout. “‘S nice to focus on school, but you need to keep your ears alert,” he said, sitting back down on her bed with his plate.

One glance at her books told him she was doing her math homework. Geometry, to be precise. At least it was something he knew this time. Last week, she was writing her social science essay and went on about the different parts of the United Nations or some shit. He only remembered a bunch of abbreviations and not what they stood for. She could make something up like UNCPS, call it United Nations Child Protective Services and he’d believe it. Wait, was that what UNICEF was?

Math was the only thing she learned in school that he still understood, that made him feel like a smart dad capable of helping his kid out with her homework. Not that she needed any help. She’d taken after Pam in the brains department. Thank god.

Nevertheless he checked her answers. He didn’t want to be completely useless.

She’d done well. There were one or two mistakes she’d made, repetitions of the kinds of mistakes she’d made before in long division. Just careless ones that she corrected easily when he pointed them out to her. Nothing he had to teach her.

“Oh, before I forget…” she said, pulling a plastic file out of her purple backpack. “I need your signature on this thing. It’s the permission slip for a talk from a retired army officer.”

He rifled through the pens in her pen stand, taking too long to find one that wasn’t purple, glittery, or purple and glittery. “Military? Why they teachin’ you that?” He asked, wary about his kid learning anything about wars. It’d gotten Tommy a little too excited and before they knew it, he was off getting shot at somewhere in the gulf. The dangers of that were lower with a daughter than with a son, but he was still wary. Gender equality better not creep its way into jobs that could get his kid killed.

“Yeah, you ain’t going to this thing. Take the day off.”

“No way, we might have a social science pop up quiz on Wednesday and I’m not going to miss it.”

“Aren’t pop up quizzes supposed to…I don’t know, pop up? Like surprise,” he said, earning an eye-roll from her. Wasn’t even a teenager yet and she was rollin’ her lil eyes at her dad. He’d lucked out in the baby lottery, got himself a smart, mostly well-behaved one. But it still confused a man to have the little thing that used to depend on you for everything from food to wiping her butt now rolling her eyes at you.

“Yeah, yeah. I can’t just skip classes. I’m sure this,” she said, waving the piece of paper at him. “—is just formality. And it’s just going to be some boring talk from some old guy. If you don’t sign it, they’ll still make me go and then my principal will call you up to my office and ask you why you didn’t sign the slip. Merel’s older brother didn’t get his signed and the principal asked his dad if he was a communist.”

“The worst that could happen is this old man calling me a communist? You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Uncle Tommy said that communists are evil,” she said, her eyes widening for effect.

“Your uncle also says that two plus two is five and that ice cream is good for your health.”

“Because it’s milk and milk has calcium!”

“Sure it is. And it’s a shitload of sugar.”

“But if I’m having sugar, isn’t it better to have it with milk? That way I’m also having something healthy,” she asked, showing off her missing teeth as she grinned.

“Or you can just drink milk.”

“Milk tastes like sh— garbage,” she quickly corrected herself. His little girl knew bad words. That shouldn’t be as much of a surprise as it was considering how much he and Tommy cursed around her. But it was…disturbing. It was evidence she was growing up, using these words around her little friends and hiding that from him. He used to know her better, be able to read her from the smallest facial expressions. He used to be able to anticipate her needs, predict her behavior, but it was getting harder nowadays.

“And you know what garbage tastes like because…?”

“I grew up eating stuff you cook, that’s how.”

“Walked right into that one.”

“Yeah you did,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him. He chuckled at her silly behavior, pinching her nose between his thumb and index finger before letting go. Maybe she wasn’t growing up after all.

“Whatever garbage I fed ya, it’s kept you strong enough to talk crap ‘bout it.”

He thought back on the days of fighting out how to cook. Before Sarah, he’d been surviving on takeout. Having to clothe and feed an entirely new human being left little money in his wallet to spend on food. So he learned to cook. For a little thing, she’d made big changes in his life— made him a father and a man. He remembered waking up at odd hours when she so much as stirred in her crib that he kept beside his bed. He remembered how his heart would ache with her little whines that turned into cries of hunger. How he cursed her mother who was meant to be feeding her as he fixed her a bottle—a cheap substitute for her mother’s milk.

Nine years.

Goddamn.

It was hard to believe it’d been that long since she entered his world and changed everything about it. Even when the evidence sat right before him, doing her homework and doodling on her desk. Her hand, while bigger, still held her pencil the same way it did when he taught her to write. Now it wrote faster, wrote long words beyond his understanding in pretty cursive handwriting.

He waited patiently as she ate the boxed mac ‘n cheese, ashamed that he couldn’t feed her anything healthier. It’d been a long day and he didn’t have the time or energy to make something better. But she ate it up happily, not complaining even once. It induced both guilt and satisfaction, the former from the lack of nutrients in the food and the latter because he still made his little girl happy.

He covered his mouth as a yawn took over, making her laugh. “You yawn so funny.”

“I do?” He asked before faking a yawn, making silly sounds as he did. She giggled and yawned back, producing her own silly sounds. It had quickly turned into a competition, leaving father and child making the silliest sounds until the latter crumpled on him, breathless from her laughter.

“Alright. Time to sleep, okay? And remember, Grandpa is picking you up from school tomorrow. So don’t walk home by yourself.”

“Alright dad,” she said, settling under her purple blanket. He bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before turning her bedside lamp off.

Dad.

Not daddy, but dad. The little girl was adamant on growing up. He left her room, remembering that she hadn’t asked for a bedtime story in months. She read on her own, borrowed piles of books from the library and narrated the stories to him and Tommy and anyone who would listen.

She didn’t need him for that anymore. While it was a comfort in one way, to lessen the duties of parenthood, it clawed at his chest to know that one day she wouldn’t need him at all. He’d had her for nine years and in another nine, she would be off to university, leaving him alone in this house with nothing to do for the first time since she became his life.

23rd December 1999

“Ma…” Tommy called out, his voice breaking as he turned to him, tears already streaming down his cheeks. Joel stepped forward and threw an arm around his little brother.

First dad and now… His chest felt heavy and his throat prickled from all the sobs he held back. He needed to be strong. There was one more funeral to arrange, a little brother to comfort…god, Tommy had seen too many deaths in his lifetime already. This wasn’t going to be easy for him.

And Sarah. She had never seen death before. Loss, yes. Her mother, her best friend who left town, the goldfish that died because he forgot to feed it. But death in the family, that was new.

He let go of Tommy and gave him an awkward pat on the back. “I’m going to call the funeral home.”

The call had been made, their mother was taken away from their family home to join her father and he drove the two of them back to his place. It wouldn’t be wise to stay there, with all the memories of growing up with their parents, especially with the holiday decorations cheering up the place in the most offensive manner.

They were supposed to celebrate together, just the five of them. But god had other plans it seemed. He poured Tommy another drink and leaned back on the couch, mind reeling with all the paperwork he had to take care of and who would take care of Sarah when he was away handling it. Not Tommy, not in his state. He sipped on his beer, watching Tommy as he followed suit.

It had been decades ago, but he remembered quite well what Ma had said after Tommy ran off to complain to her about Joel yelling at him for scribbling on his homework.

“When your dad and I are gone, Joel, you’ll be the one to take care of him. He’s little and he will make silly mistakes. But you oughta forgive him, take care of him.”

Somehow, Tommy looked just as pathetic as he did that day. Innocent, vulnerable and needing comfort. He had seen so much, so much more than what Joel could imagine in his worst nightmares. But Joel would still see him as his little brother.

“Alright, Tommy. You’ve had enough,” he said, prying the bottle of beer from his grip and taking it to the garbage. Tommy didn’t resist, only crumpled down on the couch as he stared at the ground.

“Dad?” Said a low voice, heavy with sleep. He looked to the other side to find her, rubbing at her eyes as she walked further into the living room. He’d just tucked her into bed after she spent almost an hour badgering him about what Christmas presents Santa would bring her that years as he worried himself sick about how he’d tell her that grandpa was dead. Just the thought of her festive excitement breaking to make way for grief… That was when Tommy called him, sobbing and sputtering out the words.

He’d gone to cook something for Ma and found her unmoving on her bed.

“Hey baby girl…” he said, his voice soft as he walked to her. “Did we wake you up?”

She whined and hugged him, placing her weight on him as she let him lead her to the couch. Tommy, realizing his niece was there, wiped his eyes with the cuffs of his shirt and plastered a smile on his face. “Hey Butterfly…” he addressed her in his trembling voice.

“What happened?”

Joel didn’t know how he did it. But he did it. The girl’s eyes were wide as she listened to him, her little hands wrapped around his arms like she was afraid to let go.

“We’ll never see grandma and grandpa again?”

He shook his head, his heart breaking for her. He never had the misfortune of experiencing his own grandparents’ deaths. Half of them were gone before his parents had him and the other half passed when he was too little to remember them.

“There will be a funeral for them. We’ll all get together as a family and say goodbye at Church.”

Her lips curved down and tears brimmed in her eyes, the realization of the true nature of death hitting her. With a wail, she wrapped her arms around him, her bony knees digging into his thighs. “I don’t want them to go,” she cried, her tiny fist punching his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.

“I know, baby… I know.” He whispered into her ear, cradling and rocking her in his arms the way he did when she cried as a newborn. “It’s going to be scary because we have always had grandma and grandpa. But we’ll get through it, okay? Together. Daddy’s here. I’ll get us through it.”

“I don’t want them to die.”

“I know, I know,” he breathed and for the first time since he lost the first two people he ever loved, the sorrow caught up to him. Her innocent words, how she thought to speak them to him- as though she believed he could prevent her dead grandparents from dying. In her innocence, he finds his own. For the first time, he allows himself to be more than the responsible older brother who made funeral arrangements and took care of his grieving little brother. His love for his parents, his remaining childlike belief that they would be permanent in his life— They dug their claws into his chest and ripped his heart right out, piercing it, making it bleed.

“Does everyone die?” She asked meekly, fear and curiosity battling each other and plunging them both into the remains of her innocence.

“Yeah. Eventually, everyone dies.”

“Even you?” She asked, pulling back, sweet brown eyes staring back at him. While he thought she had her mother’s eyes, everyone else said their expressions were his. His eyes that he got from his father. For the first time, he saw what they all said. Just like dad’s eyes.

“You don’t worry about that now, baby girl,” he said, caressing her hair. “I’ll be here for a long time. You’ll be a big girl by then. Have a job ‘n all.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Oh, darlin’…” He pulled her to his chest and patted her back, setting a rhythm that he used when her back was the size of his hand and she needed the rhythm to fall asleep on his chest. She relaxed under his touch, the rhythm still having an effect. “It’ll be fine. Everything will be okay,” he lied, a habit that’s come easy to him with fatherhood. Lying was second nature when it came to comforting her, lulling her into a false sense of security about life.

17th May 2000

He pulled up the hem of his T-shirt and wiped his sweat, hoping to look better for Sarah’s game. He was late. By over an hour. Sarah would already be angry at him and seeing his face in the stands so fucking late would only add insult to injury. But he had to try. After all the games he missed, he had to keep his promise to be there for the final match.

He spotted Sarah instantly as he walked close to the field. But she wasn’t playing like he hoped. She was taking a towel from her friend Candace, her lips weighed down by a frown. Candace’s mother offered her a bottle of water and she accepted it politely before walking away and settling down on the stands. Alone. The back of her soccer jersey is stained with sweat and his guilty mind reads the big bold Miller on it as an accusation. Where were you, Miller? Other kids were with their families and his sat alone.

“Baby girl…”

She looked up at him but quickly dropped her eyes back down to her lap, her fingernails scratching at the label of the plastic water bottle. From the frown on her face, he guessed that her team didn’t win. Such a shame since she worked so hard practicing while also keeping her grades up.

“It’s okay you didn’t win,” he began gently, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. She tsked and shrugged his hand off her shoulder. Oh she was angry. “You came this far. Finals and all. Second place is still good, you know?”

Silence.

Maybe it would help to regale her with one of his own failures, show her she was doing much better than her old man, maybe even make her laugh. “I was always on reserve and hoping nobody gets injured so I didn’t have to play,” he said, his laugh coming out awkwardly as her frown deepened. Humor wasn’t it, apparently.

“Sarah!” An older woman called out from across the pitch and she looked up at her. From her outfit- tracksuit, whistle at the end of a lanyard around her neck, he assumed she was a soccer coach. “It’s time for the pictures.”

She put her water bottle down on the seat next to her and walked in the woman’s direction. It definitely hurt, her walking away from him without hesitation in the direction of someone who wasn’t family. Like a visible representation of her rejecting him for someone she saw more than him these days.

He let out a defeated sigh and walked up to the pitch and found the huddle of backpacks. Finding her purple one with the butterflies wasn’t hard. He picked it up and threw it over his shoulder and watched as she stood with the kids on her team for the picture. The coach brought a trophy over, big shiny one with ribbons tied to it. Her little friends cheered as the trophy was handed to the girl in the middle, the captain presumably and they all put their hands on it, smiling wide as their picture was taken. His little girl finally managed a smile too, encouraged by Chantal grabbing her shoulder and shaking her.

“She played well, huh?”

He looked to his side to find the owner of the voice, a man older than he was, wearing a red tee, the color of the opposing team.

“Tony,” he said, introducing himself. “I’m your Sarah’s math teacher. And the dad of the losing team’s captain.”

Joel squinted, confused. Sarah’s team didn’t lose? On the other side of the pitch, the red team stood together for a picture, looking a little less happy and holding a trophy much smaller than Sarah’s team.

“Joel,” he said, introducing himself. “Sorry for…uh-” he struggled to find a way to say something nice about his daughter’s performance. But he wasn’t at the game and didn’t know who the man’s kid was. “They played well, your kid’s team.”

“Oh, you’re being kind. Don’t tell my girl I said this, but they played like shit,” Tony said and he laughed awkwardly. Was he supposed to agree or disagree? Which would be more polite?

Joel instead changed the topic to school. “Is it hard? Teaching and having your kid in the same school?” He asked like a fucking idiot. Where did that come from? Why would that even be hard? He would kill to work at the school, see his kid more instead of working mad hours far away from home while she ate at the Adlers’ and went to bed alone. But the job paid shit.

“Well, a little…” he answered, scratching his beard. As the man spoke, Joel’s attention was elsewhere, on the pitch with Sarah. Her team won. The games she'd been stressing over for so long had come to an end and she had won. But she still had that frown on her face. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

She looked sad because he wasn’t there. After he promised he would be.

“…and you’d think she would be much better at math with me teaching her at home and another math teacher teaching her in school, but she’s hopeless. Soccer is life for Dolly. Your Sarah is very good. I’m guessing that’s why I never see you at the parent-teacher meetings. Never nothin’ to ask your kids’ teachers about if they’re doing perfectly well in school, right?”

“Right,” he said, nodding as he felt the guilt eat away at his heart. She had been raving about this match for so long, was so excited when they made it to the finals and drilled the date into his head. But he still forgot. He would lie to her on the drive home, say he had so much work that he couldn’t get to the match on time. But he would know the truth- that he forgot about it until he heard a soccer match inside the house of the client whose deck he was redoing.

“Now, I know your girl is very busy with the debate club, soccer and art. I asked her to join mathletes but she said she was too busy. I think it would be good for her. On her CV and stuff when she applies for college. Plus she needs a challenge.”

He felt smaller in front of the teacher despite having a couple inches over him. Sarah was a smart kid. Took after her mother there. But he wasn’t. He didn’t know art or debate and Sarah had long ago gone beyond the math he knew, taking advanced classes he never took and getting grades he never had on his report card. And did Tony say the math thing would help her with college?

“Yeah, she does,” he agreed, not even knowing fully what he was agreeing over. “Umm… I’ll talk to her about it.”

He traded some words with her teacher, the two of them agreeing to meet at the next game before he left to find his daughter and console her over her team’s loss. In a while, he found Sarah walking to the parking, holding a gold medal and a certificate. He followed and opened the truck door for her and she climbed in wordlessly.

“Come on, you gon’ be like that the whole time?” He asked, a couple minutes into their ride.

“You forgot about the game, didn’t you?”

“What? No!” He lied. “I wanted to come, baby girl. I swear. Just took too long at work today because of the sub-contractor. He installed the wrong plumbing for the kitchen and wouldn’t admit to it, so—” he stopped abruptly, feeling bad about his string of lies. But he did nothing to correct it. What was he supposed to say? Apologise for being a shit dad who forgot?

“I didn’t forget, I swear,” he lied again. Lying was second nature to him now. It was easier to lie than to confess to your kid that you forgot about something that was important to her. Plus, it wasn’t going to be worth the fight. She was a teenager and on a goddamn debate team. She knew how to argue. Whose idea was it anyway to teach children how to argue better? No one from the south, he was sure. Had he argued with his mama, he would’ve gotten a belt to his ass.

“Fine,” she huffed, folding her arms over her chest.

“A’right,” he said, feeling a weight leave his shoulder. “How ‘bout we get some pizza and celebrate your win? We can watch a movie too.”

“Okay fine. But I get to pick.”

“Yeah yeah, we’ll watch Toy Story again,” he said, smiling as her grumpy face lit up for a moment before stretching thin into a neutral expression. He had watched that movie a million times because of her. Their CD had given out from scratches from the number of times they watched it and he had to buy her a new one.

“I didn’t say Toy Story,” she said defiantly. Right… She was growing up now, watching fewer movies from when she was younger to make herself look older and cooler around her friends. He remembered that stage with Tommy.

“Sure, baby girl,” he teased, driving in the direction of their favorite pizza place.

27th March 2001

“Don’t be scared, a’right?” He said, holding her face in his hands. She nodded, putting on a brave face even though she was afraid. “I’ll be right behind you. Won’t let those assholes do anything. Uncle Tommy is inside the store too. We’ll take care.”

She took his word and got out of the truck, following the path she usually took when she walked home from school. She came home crying the other day, talking about how she didn’t want to go to school anymore ‘cause a bunch of guys stood outside a store leering at her and talking shit.

He was ready to go to prison for murder immediately, but Tommy chose to be the smarter Miller for the first time in his life and hatched a plan. Nothing elaborate. Just intimidating the whichever boys dared to fuck with his kid.

He followed Sarah at a safe distance, close enough to protect her from danger while also making sure to maintain enough distance so as to not alert the guys into running away. A few minutes in and he spotted them. Not boys. Not misguided teenagers like he was expecting. Men. Grown men older than him. He caught how their eyes crawled over his kid, how she squirmed under the gaze and he immediately wants to slam the three of them into the fucking ground. Pull their eyes out and kick them to their fucking death.

She was twelve.

He stopped outside the store. A little bodega he frequented. Tommy seemed to have similar thoughts running through his head, his hands curled into fists at his sides as he burned holes into the men’s head. They communicated with just their eyes. We’ll wait for Sarah to get home.

Joel didn’t know how he managed to wait until she walked into their street. From a distance, he could see her opening their front door and letting herself in. She better have locked the door.

Intimidation would not work on these men. Not was it enough for their disgusting act. Joel’s stomach turned as his mind replayed the way they looked at her. No wonder she was afraid. His poor girl.

They took the men out back, hand on their back, words exchanged about needing to ask something. He didn’t remember how much punches and kicks he and Tommy landed, but it seemed enough. Sarah walked home peacefully again. But peace eluded Joel from then on. He was raising a girl. He could remember how his female friends in school had to keep themselves safe- keys in between their fingers, a trusted male walking them home when it got dark. He thought nothing of it then, even walked some of his friends home to keep them safe.

It was different experiencing it as a dad. Now men were part of the list of things he had to worry about- concussion from football, period cramps, eating too much chocolate, fucking terrorists taking out goddamn buildings— He cursed the part of him that once wanted his little girl to grow up faster so he didn’t have to change diapers anymore. He would take diapers over this any day.

4th March 2002

“Uh huh,” he hummed as the client hammered on about his good for nothing son who he caught smoking weed and sneaking out to some party. He would’ve whipped out the picture of Sarah in his wallet and rubbed it in the man’s face that his kid never got into trouble and was a straight A’s student. But part of being a contractor was not being a complete fucking asshole to his clients. So he shut up.

Plus he was in no mood to brag.

He returned home late. Again. It had become the topic of all his fights with Sarah. He could understand why she would be angry. But understanding didn’t put money in his pocket or food on their table. It most certainly did not go towards Sarah’s college funds. Animals were what took up her thoughts these days. She brought home a ton of books from the library, ranting off about the different animals and how she wanted to take care of them for a living.

This obsession had stayed longer than the last one. She he believed their neighbor’s dog was to blame. And the stray cat that followed her home to get some scraps of food.

He would’ve brushed it off as his sweet daughter being kind to every fucking thing all the time. Well, he did. Until she dropped the bomb.

Veterinary medicine.

Curious, he slipped into the library close to a store he was building and sat in front of the computer. The number had enough zeroes in it for him to need a doctor and since he couldn’t afford the human one, a veterinary doctor like his kid wanted to become. It wasn’t something he could afford. Not a pet to satiate her obsession with, not a doctor for himself and certainly not enough to make Sarah an animal doctor.

He had just finished paying off the house and now this… Couldn’t she have chosen a different job to do with animals? Or relegated puppies to hobby instead of career. But the puppies weren’t the problem. He was.

No matter what education she decided on, it would end up breaking his back. When at the library, he had gone over a few other degree costs. While not as expensive as medicine, they were still significant costs. There was a little bit of inheritance from his parents, he had started an account in her name and kept his share of the money in it. But it wouldn’t be enough for a college degree.

Sarah’s anger over him not coming home on time hurt. Missing her games and not cooking her the best meals made him realize the failure he was as a dad. But by god he wouldn’t fail to give her a good education. Had he had that, he would be able to give her a better life. And he would be damned if he didn’t try his hardest to give her the education to reach her dreams.

27th September 2003

Sarah Miller came into the world crying when the doctor handed her to him, small and covered in blood. He took her into his arms then, his hospital gown red with her blood and he held her to his chest. His voice trembled as he introduced himself to her.

“Oh, baby girl…” he’d said as he looked down in wonder at the person who would become his entire world. “It’s daddy,” he said as tears of joy streamed down his cheeks. There would be no one adopting her. He wouldn’t give her to anyone else. No one could care for her the way he did.

She left the world the same, crying and gasping for breaths. She was still light in his arms, too easy to carry and still so little. The blood her father gave returned to him, oozing out of her bullet wound and covering him in his failure. He was supposed to have cared for her much better than anyone else could have.

His mother had taken her from his arms then, telling him she knew better, excited to see her grandchild even though she’d thought until then that they would give her away to another family. His brother tried to take her from him now. He held her closer, a whimper akin to that of a wounded animal escaping his lips. The chaos reeling on around them and the sobs that wracked his body weren’t enough to convince him that his world had ended.

A pole marked her grave, dug hurriedly by her beloved uncle.

“We’ll be back, okay?” He reassured the girl’s father, his hands squeezing his shoulder. Stifling a sob, he removed a chain from around his neck, a pendant shining silver from the light of the moon that sat peacefully in the sky as though unaware of the chaos underneath her.

He wrapped his chain around the pole.

MILLER

THOMAS R

9913387701

B POS

CHRISTIAN

A lot would change in the next two decades. But the dogtag would stay on the pole above her. Marking the grave of a child well loved, a name she shared and the type of blood he could’ve donated to her to save her life. The little girl would rest, but the man who had to be dragged away from her grave never would. He would wander, much like the zombies themselves, trying to find his purpose.

[rottenblur]

Study break|J.MILLER| part four

Summary: After that intense brunch date with the Millers, Joel had been ignoring you. What better way to get your mind off him than to get drunk and make out with a stranger. Would you do it again if you knew you were gonna get caught?

Warnings: Alcohol, implied thigh riding, making out with a stranger, getting caught hehehe, jealous! Joel, thigh touching by said stranger, weed, truck sex, reader fails to give joel road head, over the clothes touching (reader to joel) crossfaded reader. Smut MOST SMUT IVE WROTE FOR THIS SERIES, joel fighting some guy for you, angry!joel unprotected sex (use a condom plz) violence for like two seconds

“You’re a lethal fuck baby.”

Three long, fucking cruel days of Joel ignoring you, he set you in place and just expected you to be okay with being high and dry.

You responded to his text, he read it and didn’t respond. He makes breakfast every morning, not even glancing at you once.

A fucking asshole. It was infuriating, you keep messaging him hoping he will respond but, nope he leaves you on delivered, as if you aren’t living in the same house.

You pass him in the hallways late at night when you can’t sleep, yet he never responds more than a “hm” to your desperate “hey”.

On a late Saturday night, you and Sarah are laying around, scrolling through your phones till she gets a notification.

“Hey..you wanna go to a party?”

You look over to her, turning off your phone.

Honestly, anything to forget Joel was a good idea in your books. Didn’t matter at what cost, or where… with who.

“Yeah..i guess” You replied.

Her face lights up and she almost mauls you, pulling you into the tightest hug you’ve ever felt.

“REALLY??? My baby is growing up so fast, she kisses your forehead.

“I dont have any party clothes tho, Wore my only dress yesterday.” You pull her off of you to look at her.

She looks at you, gets up and walks over to her closet.

“Are you fucking kidding me, I got everything you could ever want in here.”

You sigh, walk over and start looking through her dresses. None in sight that are even close to knee length.

I mean what’s better to get over a guy by getting drunk in a slutty outfit, and fucking a stranger?

You and Sarah both decide on a outfit, yours a purple mini dress with rhinestone straps that glimmer in the light.

Sarah’s a flowy floral, white dress, honestly she would look like a angel if it wasn’t so short.

“Jeez Sarah I look more like a slut than you do, that’s new.” You say as you both admire each other in a body length mirror.

You spend the next fifteen minutes listening to music and doing your makeup.

When you both look like you should be working a street corner, officially you’re ready to go to a shitty frat party.

You and Sarah grab your phones and head down stairs. Joel and tommy are leaning on the kitchen island looking over some blue prints with a beer in hand.

“We are going to a party so don’t wait up.” She smiles and gives them a twirl showing off her outfit, they both smile then both of their gazes fall on you.

They are staring at you like you’re their prey. Fucking devouring you with their eyes.

Joel’s eyes fall on the hem of your dress, falling just above mid thigh, he furrows his brows and adverts his gaze.

“Yeah alright, text me if you need a ride.” He practically mumbles then tommy pipes in.

“Shit Sarah you’ve converted her.” He laughs and sips his beer.

“Oh shut up, she’s the one that wanted to go.” Sarah says while shoving on a pair of heels.

You look at Joel to see his reaction, it for sure wasn’t a happy one. “Thanks for the ride offer, Mr. Miller.” You wanted it to hurt. When you bend over to pick up your shoes, you made god damn sure he saw your dress ride up revealing the black lace of your panties.

You can hear a grunt as you slip on your shoes and stand back up, rolling your eyes when his catch yours.

You shut the door behind you and you’re off.

Arriving at the party, groups of people are gathered on the lawn. The music is so loud you can hear it from the sidewalk, what the fuck. What the fuck were you doing at a college frat party with Sarah, willingly.

You brush away your shame and step inside. Guys with bass pro hats, covering a horrible mullet. Dressed head to toe in carhartt, the cherry on top is the timberland boots.

Every single god damn one of them looked the same, then one catches your eye.

A guy dressed head to toe in black, other than a green flannel, fucking perfect. He looked like he was only here for the free liquor, probably was best friends with one of these yee haw mother fuckers as a kid.

The only possible reason you could imagine why he would be here, a fucking frat.

You search the liquor table for something other than white claws or bud light, a bottle of jack daniel’s catching your eye, bingo. You grab the bottle screwing the cap open and taking a sip, you wipe your mouth.

A tap on your shoulder makes you turn around, it wasn’t Sarah, she was long gone talking to one of her boy toys.

It was a tall, mullet bass pro wearing mother fucker. Jesus you didn’t have time nor patience for them tonight.

“Hey girl, you can’t just take the whole-“

You flip him off and walk towards your target boy toy. If he was in a band, you’d gladly be his groupie.

Another swig of whiskey to calm your nerves and you’re strutting over to him. He’s perched on a large window sill nursing a cigarette, a bong laid carefully by his feet. Probably the only stoner in here.

You approach him and think of the easiest way to pick up a conversation, got it.

“Hey, can i bum one off ya’?” He looks away from the open window and smiles at you. “For sure, cutie.” He reaches into his pocket pulling out a pack of marlbaro golds and offers it to you.

You take one, putting it between your lips. He sits up, making room for you, you sit down next to him.

He leans in, lighting your cigarette with his. You inhale, pulling away and exhaling the smoke.

“You aren’t one of those frat girls are you?” You laugh at his comment, shaking your head and inhaling once again.

“Nah, my friend dragged me here.”

A lie, but he doesn’t know any better. Saying that you actually wanted to come to this stupid party would do you no good to a guy like this.

He puts the cigarette between his lips, and shifts to pick up the bong.

“You want some? It’s some quad shit really good.” He pulls out a bag from his flannel, packing about a half ounce of weed in it. I mean, fuck it.

You nod your head, picking up the whiskey bottle chugging a good amount and passing it to him, he declines. “What’s your name anyways?”

He takes a nug out, grinds it onto his hand, pitches it and puts it into the bowl.

“Tyler.” He lights the bowl filled to the top with purple and green weed, inhaling till the weed goes through, he pulls out the bowl and inhales the smoke.

A slight cough into his sleeve and he’s passing the bong to you. You take a swig of liquid courage, not that you needed it at all.

The music is slurred, the only features you can make out on his face is his long black hair, his dark brown eyes and a eyebrow piercing. God imagine if his name mattered, if you would even remember it tomorrow.

You pinch the remaining bits of bud, putting it into the bowl. He looks to you, putting out his cigarette onto the hardwood floor. You’re sure the frat DEFINITELY loves this guy.

You take one last drag of your cigarette, passing it to him and taking his lighter.

“How’d you get invited to this anyways, you don’t look like a frat asshole.” You point to his outfit.

He lights the bowl, you inhale. “Yeah i sell some of these assholes shitty overpriced weed.” He laughs, you finish the bowl and set the bong down, he takes a slow drag off your cigarette.

What he said hits you, so does the weed. You bust out laughing, so hard you start coughing.

“I only give pretty girls like you the good shit.”

Oh shit. Mixing the amount of whiskey you had plus the weed was a bad idea. At least you weren’t thinking about Joel.

“Fuck, you’re too sweet, too hot.” You slur.

He passes back the cigarette to you, everything was so calm. You almost forgot where you were for a second, you were fucked up.

You take a drag off the cigarette, throwing it onto the floor, stomping it with your shoe. He smiles at you, then leans in, dodging your lips and going straight for your neck.

He kisses up and down your neck, sucking every couple kisses, he dips down where your dress falls. Right on your tits. He shoves a hand in your dress dancing around your inner thigh, you let out a whimper when his thumb grazes your clit.

Fuck was it the alcohol or was it hot in here.

Then you remember exactly why you don’t drink, your stomach turns upside down. You pull his head away from your neck, smiling to him.

“Hey, I’ll be right back.”

He smiles and nods, picking up the bong as you walk away, stumble away would be more realistic.

You take the bottle with you, running up the crowded stairs and search for a bathroom.

A open door, no one occupying it with a quickie either, bingo. You walk in, pulling out your phone searching through your contacts with blurry vision.

You take a sip, sit yourself on the floor as the phone beeps. To your surprise, they answered.

“Hey, what’s up.” You can hear the mumbles of tv in the background.

You look at your phone, fuck. You swore you called Tommy, not fucking Joel.

It was late too, he was staying up to pick you and Sarah up, such a sweetheart wait no you’re mad at him, what a fucking dick.

“Fuck i meant to call Tommy mm b-“ He cuts you off before you can finish your slurred words.

“Nah, he’s asleep I’m all ya get. Sarah ready too? You sound pretty fuckin’ ready.” He states, did you ready sound that bad?

You sigh and take a gulp of liquor, setting the bottle on the floor and answer. “Yeahhh I dont know where she is, pretty sure she’s with a guy-“ You pick the bottle back up, taking another sip. “Call her yourself bro” You say giggling at your words.

You can almost picture his face when you said that, fingers pinched on his nose bridge, furrowed brows.

“Bro? Who the fuck are you talkin’ to darlin’? I’m leavin now.”

He hangs up the phone, you shove your phone back into your bag, take one last sip of your bottle and head back downstairs.

You’re on top of whatever his name was, you’d already forgotten. Too drunk to have shame, too high to care who it was.

You can feel how hard he was, kissing him was basically just teeth and spit.

You were desperate for each other. If you got up now there would be a wet spot on his black jeans, from you or him, No one knows. Your hips uncontrollably rub against him, your dress riding up for the whole fucking party to see.

You hear your name be called faintly through the pounding of loud music and talking. Then a tap on your shoulder from a rough large hand, oh fuck.

You turn your head to look, your face met with a broad chest in a black t shirt, you look up. Fuck.

“C’mon time to go.” He’s fucking fuming.

Tyler pulls your face back for another kiss, you’re lifted off him like you don’t weigh shit.

“The fuck is this? Your dad or something?” He remarks.

Joel laughs. “What are you 19 or something? Fucking kid.” He mumbles, You stumble aside. Joel steps towards him, tyler stands up, boner and pre cum stain for everyone to see.

“Who the fuck are you old man?” He spits out and goes to grab your arm.

Joel hits him, he falls back with a bloody nose. Probably broken. He was a skinny alternative boy and Joel was you know Joel.

“Wanna try to touch her again?” He picks him up by his collar, you’re frozen in spot. It was kinda hot, him fighting some guy for you.

“Jesus man are you her fucking boyfriend or something, she came onto me. Guess your old ass can’t hit it right.” He should have just left it alone.

“Hey, shut the fu-“ Joel looks at you and before you could finish your sentence, Tyler was on the floor with a fucked up face. You could hear the crunch of his bones against Joel’s strong fist.

Joel grabs your arm and starts pulling you out of the party. “What the fuck was that, Joel seriously?”

He looks at you, adjusts your dress and pulls you towards his truck. “I fuckin’ told you darlin’.”

He picks you up, putting you into the passenger seat, buckling your seat belt and slamming the door. “Told me-“ He walks over to the driver side and hops in.

“What the fuck did you tell me? That bullshit with Tommy?”

He doesn’t say anything, just starts driving. You huff to yourself and take off your shoes.

You get to a stop light, he looks at you. “Yeah, wasn’t bullshit. So much for being mine right?” His grip on the steering wheel tightened, was it Tyler or were you soaking fucking wet over how angry Joel was right now.

“You were fucking ignoring me, you think I don’t want you? Even now.”

He looks at you and the light turns green.

“I was ignoring you ‘cause—“ He looks away, his knuckles white against the black leather of the wheel. “-I can’t fucking control myself no more.” He sighs.

He looks back to you, looking you up and down.

“God did you have to dress so slutty?” His hips rut up, you had him exactly where you wanted him, or at least where drunk you wanted him.

You blush, reaching your hand to the growing bluge in his grey sweatpants, showing you everything you could ever want to see.

His breath hitches. “Fuck, you’re drunk.”

You smile at him and start rubbing him through his pants, he looks down.

A dark wet spot grows on his pants, god he was perfect.

“Darlin’ I can’t drive if you keep doing that.”

You nod and pull his dick out of his pants, his tip was angry and leaking. You thumb his tip, dragging the pre cum down his length pulling a groan out of him.

He looks at you, you unbuckle your seatbelt and adjust in your seat, leaning over to him. You spit on his tip and force him down your throat.

“Fuck- Jesus.” He grunts out.

You bob your head up and down trying to take him all in your mouth, working the rest with your hands, you can feel the car speeding up.

When you feel him about to cum down your throat, he pulls you off and parks the car. You look around, you’re at the bottom of his street, thank god it was too late for anyone to be awake.

“Look we can’t—“ he cuts himself off, looking at your dripping mouth, your dripping cunt peeking out from your dress.

“-Fuck it, come ‘ere.” He adjusts his seat, making room for you, leaning back his seat slightly. Your first time with Joel fucking Miller was gonna be in his truck.

You climb onto his lap, straddling him. He looks at you, reaches down and rubs your clit through your panties.

“Look at ya, all fuckin’ soaked for me” He pushes your panties to the side, pulling you up and notching his tip to your slit. Your breath hitches and you look at him with furrowed brows.

He leans in connecting your lips with his, then pushes his tip into you with a grunt. He disconnects your lips with a sigh. “You’re such a tease.” He grabs your face, making you look at him as he thrusts all the way in you, splitting you apart.

“Fuck—you’re too big.” You shut your eyes, working through the stretch of him.

“Look at me baby.” He fucks into you without remorse, a steady pace with no mercy.

You can feel him in your stomach, he pulls you back into a kiss. You’re moaning into his mouth and his balls are slapping onto your ass such a filthy sound.

He reaches his hand down, oh fuck. Was it the alcohol or could you come right fucking now.

“Oh fuck Joel—mm like that” You mumble into his mouth, he’s fucking you dumb. His fingers find the perfect pace bringing you to your orgasm.

He pulls away from the kiss looking at you with those beautiful, soft brown eyes, and scrunched up face. “Shit darlin’, wanna feel you cum all ‘round this dick.” He groans as his hips pick up a unbearable pace, his tip kissing your cervix with each stroke.

You whimper, and with a nod from him you’re coming fully undone around him, fucking you through your high.

“Fuck you’re squeezing my dick so fuckin’ good.” When you’re coming down from your high, pulsing all around him, his face relaxes and he pulls out. Pulling up your dress, jerking himself till thick white ropes pour all over your lower stomach and clit.

“Jesus.” Is all you can breathe out.

He kisses your forehead, and looks you up and down, blush covered cheeks, sticky white ropes now ruining Sarah’s dress and your panties.

He was out of breath, he looked more fucked than you. You ruffle his hair and climb off him.

“So what are we gonna do now?” You say looking over at him as he pulls up his pants, He looks at you in bliss.

“We do it again. You’re a lethal fuck baby.”

Taglist: @paleidiot @slvbl

(Comment to be added to taglist)

Masterlist: here

Part three: here

Part five: coming soon..

AN: probably wouldn’t have finished this if SOMEONE ( @slvbl ) DIDNT BULLY ME INTO IT. I hope y’all enjoy this. The smut is kinda short but ANGY joel MAKES ME HAPPY. I named tyler after a guy that ghosted me on tinder LITTLE DID HE KNOW HE WOULD BE GETTING BEAT UP IN MY FIC MWAHAHAHAH lmk how yall feel bout this part yall need to get into my inbox i need inspiration 😘

[angelamcss]

The Last of Us | Sweet Tooth

[tightjeansjavi]

𝕓𝕝𝕦𝕖 𝕛𝕖𝕒𝕟𝕤 𝕟’𝕋𝕖𝕩𝕒𝕤 𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕤

𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟙𝟘 : Baby Honey NSFW 🔞

♡ 𓃗 ♡

Pre! Outbreak Joel x horseback riding instructor f!reader

A/N: One order up of the Joel Miller pussy eating special! 🤠

~word count: 4.1k~

Summary: the slow burn between you and horse dad! Joel has come to an end. He shows you just what he meant when he said he wanted to worship your body.

Warnings: fluff, flirting, teasing, smut, oral (female receiving) fingering, nipple play, overstimulation, praise kink, consent (Joel talks you through it) nickname overload, sexual tension, dirty internal thoughts, vulgar language, filthy talk, begging, Joel gets pussy drunk and loves it, he acts like such a sweetheart, a little smug, he’s got some serious rizz, (+18) minors dni!

blue jeans playlist:

Austin, Texas

Joel had been a complete sweetheart for the rest of the evening after he drove you home from the bar. He didn’t even allow your feet to touch the ground when he pulled up to your apartment complex. He insisted on carrying you from his truck to your apartment door. You were in a fit of drunk giggles with your cheek smushed up against his warm chest. His t-shirt smelled of lavender vanilla detergent and cologne. He smelled so good. “Are ya really goin’ and smellin’ my shirt right now darlin?’ You lil’ drunk weirdo.” His tone was light, airy, and mildly raspy.

“Shh. Don’t you dare go make fun of me right now, Joel. You smell so good..what is that cologne you’re wearing? Smells heavenly..” You took one big ole whiff which caused Joel to chuckle as he quietly unlocked your apartment door and used his hip to push it open.

“Dunno what brand it is actually. Tommy got it for me awhile back. I’ll have to let him know that you’re a huge fan of it, sweetness.”

“I love when you call me cute things. You have so many different names for me, babe. How do you keep track of them all?” Joel had gently sank down onto the couch with his arms still firmly wrapped around you.

“Yeah? Well..I love calling you cute things. I do have a lot of ‘em huh? You wanna order some food now or after we get ya into some comfy clothes?”

Your arms had slid up around his neck, fingers lazily playing with the strands of hair along the nape of his neck as you peppered sweet kisses across his jawline. “Hmmm..let's order food now. I am absolutely starved.”

Joel couldn’t contain his little grin as you peppered kisses along his face. His dimples were even peeking through as the pad of his thumb was rubbing slow, gentle circles against your spine. He couldn’t help but turn his head a little, giving you a quick peck on the lips. “Alright, my sweet girl. Lets get some food in ya.”

For the rest of the evening, you and Joel were curled up on the couch with a box of pizza, and garlic knots on the coffee table while you watched a few episodes of Friends. At some point, you had fallen asleep with your head resting in his lap over a fluffy blanket. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this content with someone. The domestic intimacy was so pure, so soft and he loved every second of it.

The following morning you were rudely awoken by your alarm clock blaring along your nightstand. Before you could even think about getting out of bed, a strong arm reached over your middle and firmly pressed down on the alarm clock, ceasing its annoying blaring. Joel grumbled something incoherent against your ear as he firmly tugged your warm body back against his chest, nuzzling his nose against your neck as he inhaled deeply.

“Joel..” You whispered, voice laced with sleep. Your eyes weren’t even open yet. “I have to get up honey.”

“Mmm. No you don’t. Stay in bed a little longer here with me..you’re so warm..” He hummed, pressing a languid kiss to the spot below your ear.

Your body instantly melted against his broad chest as you let out a content sigh. “Okay, fine. You win this round. Can you hand me my phone please?”

You could feel a smirk spreading across Joel’s lips as he kissed along your skin. “Oh, please. Don’t act like you don’t wanna spend all mornin’ in bed with me.” He warmly chuckled before he blindly reached for your phone on the nightstand.

“Of course I wanna spend all morning in bed with you..I just need to see if Ryder can go feed the horses for me in the meantime.” You grabbed your phone from his grasp before finding Ryder’s contact and pressed the receiver against your ear.

“Gooood morning sunshine! How are you feeling babydoll?” Ryder’s voice singsonged through the line. She sounded awfully enthusiastic for it being so early in the morning.

“Hey, babe? Would you do me a huge favor? Can you head over to the barn and bring the boys in and get them fed? I’m gonna be a little late this morning..Did you have a fun evening with Tommy?”

You could feel Ryder smirking through the receiver and she was currently in bed with Tommy who was listening in on the conversation of course. He was eager to hear if his big brother had finally gotten lucky.

“Long night, huh? Is Joel with you right now? Of course I can bring them in and get them fed. Do you mind if Tommy comes with me? He spent the night..” You could picture her little smile through the phone when she mentioned Tommy being there with you.

“Don’t you go and get any funny ideas now, Ryder.” You couldn’t help but giggle. “Yeah, Joel is here with me right now. He spent the night too..” You felt him gently squeeze your hip bone as he continued to pepper kisses along your neck. “Sounds like you had a fun night babe. I can’t wait to hear all about it. Tell Tommy I say hello! Kisses.” You ended the call and carelessly tossed your phone along your nightstand before you turned your head over your shoulder and finally met his lips in a searing kiss.

Joel had eagerly kissed you back as his warm hands found purchase around your hips, brushing his thumbs at the soft skin below your navel as the hem of his shirt that you were wearing was resting just above where his hands were firmly holding you.

“Joel..” You mumbled against his lips, dragging your fingertips along his jawline, catching his stubble along the soft pads of your fingers.

“Hmm?” He gave your hips a light squeeze as his nose nudged against yours. “C’mere. Come closer baby.” He rasped against your lips

You wasted no time to turn yourself around in his arms so that you were facing him. The kiss you shared was broken away for just a mere moment before your lips were pressed to his once more. You hiked your thigh over his hip as your hands were gently holding his face. “Joel..” you whispered.

“Yeah baby? What’s up darlin?’” His words were muffled by your lips as his hand dropped down, fingertips brushing over the exposed skin along your thigh. He gave it a firm squeeze, sinking the pads of his fingertips into the plush flesh.

“We’re finally alone..with no interruptions.” There was a certain giddiness to your tone when the realization washed over the both of you and time seemed to stop.

“I don’t..I don’t have anythin’ on me darlin'’” he slowly detached his lips from the kiss, using his free hand to cup your cheek gently in his warm palm as he dragged the pad of his thumb across your plush lower lip. He watched with hooded eyes as you nibbled playfully on the tip of his thumb, eyes locked on his.

“I don’t either..it’s been awhile for me as you know. There’s other things we can do, baby.”

Joel took his own lip between his teeth when you had lightly sucked on the tip of his thumbnail, eyes looking at him with a doe like innocence that had blood flowing straight down to his cock. “You can’t be lookin’ at me like that darlin’ and sayin’ things..fuck.” He rasped.

“Looking at you, how?” You had a tiny smirk playing across your pretty lips as your lashes fluttered and he had images of you down on your knees in front of him flash across his mind. Mouth full of his cock, spit dribbling down your chin—

“Can I taste you?” He knew his request was bold. Perhaps even a little brash for his own taste but he could only imagine how sweet your cunt had to be. He hadn’t had a desire to be this intimate with someone in so long. It felt like foreign territory, but all the more exciting. He wanted to show you just how badly he wanted to please you. He promised you nearly a month ago that he wanted to worship your body in more ways than one. He wasn’t a man to go back on his promises either, he always followed through.

Your breath hitched harshly in your throat at his request. How was this man so fucking sweet, yet so filthy at the same time. A mixture between heaven and hell. On the fleeting cusp of driving you absolutely mad. Would he tease you? Would he have you begging him for more? God his tongue—

“Yes. Please.” You nearly mewled.

“Get on your back for me sweetheart. Wanna make sure you’re nice and comfy, Kay?” He pressed a light playful kiss to the tip of your nose, loving the way your face when cutely scrunch up.

The early morning calm began to grow thick with tension. The chemistry between you and Joel was radiating through the expanse of your room, bouncing off the wall like ping pong balls. You could hear his heart racing in his rib cage, feel the butterflies swirling in your stomach as you eased yourself away from his grasp on you, rolling over onto your back.

Joel was leaning over you now, fluffing the pillows behind your head with ease. You couldn’t help but giggle when he had gently stuffed a pillow under your lower back so you had more support.

“What’so funny?” He was looking down at you with a boyish grin as he settled himself between your thighs.

“Nothing, baby. You’re just..you’re really sweet and careful..and attentive to me.” You reached your hand up, gently cupping his cheek as he leaned down over you.

“Remember how I told ya after our first date that I was gonna worship you, and your body in more ways than one? This is just part one..I’m gonna take real good care of you, okay? The way that you deserve..” His nose lightly brushed against yours as he closed the small gap between you once more. He pressed a sweet kiss to your lips. It was slow, languid and filled with emotions only the two of you shared.

“I remember. Let’s speed things up then, cowboy.” You giggled against his lips kissing him back sweetly.

“Slow down there, cowgirl. I’m gonna take my time with ya. You’re gonna love it, trust me.” You felt his fingers toying with the hem of his shirt along your body. “Can I take this off? Or do you wanna keep it on?” He mumbled against your lips.

“Take it off.”

“Don’t gotta ask me twice.” He could feel your eagerness as you were already lifting your arms above your head. Inch by inch, he slowly began to lift his shirt over your head. He begrudgingly detached his lips from yours to get the shirt over your head but once he rid you of the fabric, he was gazing down at you. His eyes flitted down to the way your nipples hardened from the cool morning air. You couldn’t help but playfully give his cheek a light slap when he was shamelessly checking you out.

“Hey, eyes up here buddy!”

Joel warmly chuckled as one of his hands found purchase just under your right breast. His thumb was gently stroking across the plush skin as he gave you another boyish grin. “Sorry, honey. Can’t help myself. You’re beautiful, and these? These are very nice.” His thumb brushed across your hardened nipple as your back arched up against him from the light touch.

Your skin felt ignited under his touch as if he had set a match off deep inside of you that left your body craving for more. You were certain that no other man had ever had this intoxicating effect on you. Goddamn you, Joel Miller. “Baby, please don’t tease me..please..I need more than that.”

“What’s that honey pie? You want me to tease ya some more? Patience, my sweet girl. It’ll be worth it in the end. I promise.” His tone was low, husky, and it sent a warm shiver down your spine. Your lips parted open as his own began to make their descent along your neck. His lips were gentle, yet practiced as he kissed along your skin. Your fingers already found their way through his soft tendrils of curls as you gently grasped the back of his head.

He crooned when he heard you suck in a harsh breath as his lips found their way to the valley between your breasts. He licked a long, hot stripe down your sternum before you felt the bridge of his nose drag across the swell of your breast. He nipped playfully at the soft flesh, listening to your soft giggle that quickly developed into a whimper when his lips wrapped around the hardened nub, swirling his tongue along the raised skin.

“Jooooeelll.” You couldn’t stop the whine that escaped your throat as your lashes fluttered shut. Your thighs clenched together and there was no doubt that you were already absolutely dripping for this man.

“Mmm. What did I just say?” He tsked playfully against your skin. Patience, my sweet girl. Enjoy each moment.” He had a mouthful of your breast in his mouth and he still managed to say the sweetest things.

“I’m trying my best.” You let out a frustrated huff as your nails lightly scraped along his scalp. “You’re making it increasingly more difficult for me, baby.”

“Sounds like a personal problem darlin.’” His warm chuckle sent vibrations deep into your core. Just as you were about to smartass him, he shushed you by showing the same amount of care and attention to your other breast. Except this time, his teeth lightly scraped along the nub, causing a low hiss to elicit past your parted lips.

The anticipation was absolutely eating you alive as his lips, and sinful tongue began to descend over your navel as his hands grasped the underside of your thighs. “Need ya to look at me sweetheart. Wanna see those pretty eyes, sugar.” He playfully nipped at the inside of your thigh, soothing the bite of his teeth along your skin with a soft kiss.

Your lashes fluttered open as you looked down at him. This was by far the hottest sight you had ever laid your eyes on. Joel nestled between your thighs, smirking playing on his lips and his beard lightly scraping along your skin as he looked up at you. “Enjoyin’ the view?” He nipped playfully at the inside of your thigh once more.

Smug bastard.

“Mhm. It’s quite the view.”

“It’s about to get even better for ya babydoll.” He shot you a playful wink as he brought your calves to rest along his broad shoulders. “Hook your ankles behind my head.” You did as you were told, taking your lip between your teeth and biting down on it hard. “Atta girl.”

You were ready to tell him to stop playing games. That if he kept this up, you’d surely pass out from the sexual frustration. All of those thoughts came to a delicious halt when the tip of his broad, beautiful nose brushed firmly against your clothed clit.

Your hips jolted towards his face from the sensation as an ‘oh fuck’ flowed past your parted lips shamelessly.

Joel kept his eyes locked on yours as he flattened his tongue along your clothed center, tasting you through the thin cotton fabric with a low hum vibrating up his throat. “How long’s it been for ya honey?”

“T–Too damn long.” You whispered.

Joel pressed a chaste kiss to your covered clit. “Yeah? Well, we’re gonna have to fuckin’ change that pretty damn quick baby. Personally, I think you should be gettin’ 3-4 orgasms a day..why stop there? Let's shoot for them stars, sweet thing.”

Okay, it was official. Joel Miller had officially rotted your brain from the inside out, and turned it to complete mush. He knew exactly what he was doing when he left you feeling tongue tied. “Gonna take these off of ya now, okay?”

All you could do was meekly nod as his thumbs hooked around the sides of your panties and painstakingly peeled them down your thighs and past your ankles that were locked behind his head. He tossed the thin fabric off to the side before he got a good look at you. “Shit. You’re so fuckin’ beautiful baby. Drippin’ for me? Fuck.” The filth dripped down his tongue, sugar sweet, sticky like fresh honey. “G’nna have a taste now, okay?”

Your soft sheets were clenched tightly between your fists as you let out a frustrated whine. “Joel, I swear to fucking god, I will crush your stupid handsome head with my thighs if you don’t–” you were cut off when his tongue flattened against your folds, licking an agonizingly slow stripe up your slit as his lashes fluttered shut. He used his forefinger and middle finger to spread your folds open as he dragged his tongue up to your clit, slowly flicking the tip of his tongue across your sensitive bundle of nerves. Back and forth, back and forth. “Sweetest fuckin’ thing i’ve ever tasted. Fuckin’ un-believable.” He mumbled against your cunt. “Could eat this sweet fuckin’ pussy any goddamn day of the week. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert.”

Your eyes rolled back into your skull as your thighs clenched inwards. This man knew exactly what he was doing and it would only be a short matter of time before he would be coaxing your first of many orgasms with him. “Fuck–fuck. Baby, that feels so good.” You moaned, fisting the sheets tighter in your grasp.

Joel wrapped his lips around your clit, sucking harshly as his tongue swirled around the bud. He was already feeling high off your natural taste. He wasn’t shy when it came to eating pussy. He had years of experience but with you, it felt the most intimate. Like all he wanted to accomplish was giving you as many mind numbing orgasms that he could draw out of you. He loved the way you melted like putty along his skillful tongue. Your sweet moans for him drove him further into a blissful state of mind of pleasing you.

You could already feel the cord twisting tightly in your stomach as he continued to ruin you with his mouth and tongue. He looked so handsome, mouthful of your pussy, hair falling over his face as he drove his tongue deep inside of you, wanting to taste every part of you that his tongue could reach. When he started fucking you with his tongue, mumbling filth about how sweet you tasted, that you were being such a good girl for him, the cord snapped as you cried out his name.

He eagerly lapped up your release along his tongue. He gathered up every last drop that you had to offer him as he left gentle kitten licks along your clit. Little did you know, he wasn’t done with you just yet. He watched you with hooded eyes as he rested his cheek along the inside of your thigh. His lips, chin, and beard were glistening with your slickness as he pressed an open mouthed kiss to your trembling skin. “How was that for some pussy eatin?’” He teasingly asked you.

“Just about snatched my goddamn soul from my body, cowboy.” You let out a breathless laugh as you looked down at him with a post orgasm haze coating your features. You released your death grip on the sheets, bringing your hand to gingerly cup his jaw as your thumb brushed across his pouted lower lip, tugging it down gently. “I don’t like that look your giving me baby..what’s cooking in that brain of yours?”

Joel hummed as he leaned into your affectionate touch, his eyes flitting up to yours and they had that certain sparkle in them that you loved so much. “Mmm. Did ya think I was done with ya that quick? Absolutely not.” He chuckled, nibbling gently on the tip of your thumbnail. “I’m just such a gentleman that I'm gonna give ya a quick breather.”

“You weren’t kidding about that 3-4 orgasm thing huh? Fuck. You’re gonna be the death of me Miller.” You let out an exasperated sigh as you threw your head back against the plush pillows when you felt his hot breath fanning across your core once more.

“Nuh uh. I ain’t one to kid about that kinda stuff baby. I’m a man of my word.” His huskily spoke before his mouth was enveloping you once more. While his tongue worked your clit to ruin, he had lightly begun to tease your slick entrance with his forefinger. As his tongue lapped at you, he slowly eased his finger inside of your sopping cunt, knuckle deep as he curled it inwards. He could feel your walls fluttering around his finger already, and the feeling had his mind reeling to think about what it would feel like with his cock deep inside your warmth.

Like Heaven.

“Fuckin’ tight little pussy, huh? Clenchin’ around my finger already. You want another, sweet girl?” His tongue was working you at a speed that you struggled to keep up with as he completely overwhelmed your senses. You mewled out his name, bucking your hips up against his face, desperate more. “Yes, please baby. Give me more, Joel. Please.” Your words fell through staggered breaths as he slowly inserted a second finger, curling them up against the sweet spot that had you seeing stars. He slowly began to pump his fingers in and out of you, developing a smooth rhythm that was in sync with his tongue. A delicious combination that had you shamelessly riding his face.

“Good girl. That’s my good fuckin’ girl. Look at how filthy you’re gettin’ fo’me.” He mumbled against your cunt, pumping his fingers faster. He could feel himself getting drunk off your taste along his tongue. Your breathless whines, the way your thighs trembled, and quivered around his head. He was drunk off every goddamn moment he was spending with you. Pussy drunk where he was at the point of no return.

“Oh–oh fuck! Jooooeeelll!” You were on the brink of sobbing as your second orgasm rolled through you like a tidal wave. Joel didn’t give you a moment to breathe this time. He continued to work you right on through it as you clenched tightly around his fingers.

“C’mon, darlin.’ You got one more for me? I know ya do. C’mon, pretty girl. Gimme one more. One fuckin’ more.”

You shook your head back and forth vigorously, bringing your freehand to your mouth, biting down on the outside of your hand, tears threateningly to spill over as you were teetering over the edge of overstimulation. “Joel–I–can’t! It’s too much! Baby, please I can’t! Joel, I can’t!” You desperately pleaded with him.

“Yes you can honey. Yes you can. I got you, sweet girl. You’re okay. You’re safe. Ain’t nothin’ gonna hurt you, my baby honey.” He reached his free hand up and found your hand that was still fisting the sheets, he gently pried your fingers apart, slipping his between yours as he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “One more for me. One more baby.” His lips wrapped around your clit once more, sucking harshly as he drew one last final orgasm from you.

Your ears were ringing, blood rushing as everything in close proximity sounded hazy, fuzzy to you as your body convulsed around Joel’s tongue and fingers. You were almost certain that you had passed out for a moment. Your body was struggling to handle the immense waves of pleasure like none other than you had experienced before. Your mind felt blissfully numb, as if you were on a big fluffy cloud, drifting through the sky with a warm breeze kissing your cheeks.

Your ex had absolute jack fucking shit on your cowboy.

Joel had praised you through the entire thing, lapping up your final release like a man starved. He pressed one last gentle kiss to your swollen clit before he kissed his way back up to your lips, pecking them a few times as his hands gently held your face. “Come back to earth, my sweet girl. I gotcha.”

Your limp arms found their way around his neck, kissing him back languidly as you tasted yourself along his tongue. “You sure know how to make a girl scream, cowboy.” Your tone was sticky sweet, tainted with post orgasm haze.

“I like to call that one the Joel Miller pussy eating special.” He chuckled, kissing you deeply.

“Shut the fuck up.” You giggled.

Tag List: @chaotic-mystery @peterhollandkait @soft-cryptids @dinsdjrn @lovers-liability @777-wonders @mirasantidotes @pedgeitopascal @loquaciousferret @korynnekorynne @kirsteng42 @bonglorddaryl @sarahhxx03 @myrealmofchaos @finnsbubblegum @danilakozlovsky @pedrit0-pascalit0 @ssa-raye @pedropascalfan221 @missgurrl @leeeesahhh @yazsos @casa-boiardi @last-girl @frankthesexualsadist @shatteredbaby @rye-flower @elliewilliamsno1simp @wonder-harley @userpedros @pedrospartner @morning-star-joy @ilovepedro @ranahx @tinygarbage

[skoulsons]

ellie holding baby miller. she’s a girl. joels face meeting her for the first time. the uncanny gentleness of his hands and his hold as the baby fits right in his one hand, joel slowly cradling her back and forth. maria asking if ellie wants to hold the baby girl and ellie hesitating at first, afraid she’ll cause harm. joel urges her on, and ellie can’t help but smile so wide when the little one is against her chest

ellie crawling around on the floor as the little girl starts to crawl. joel was the father to blow a raspberry in to sarah’s tummy, and that’s exactly what he does as an uncle to his niece, too. joel sitting down and helping her stand on his knees. ellie running around the house with her, giggling together as she acts like they’re in some sort of race car zooming around a track. ellie holding her, bouncing her up and down on her hip as they watch joel carve little wooden knick-knacks

the little girl holding hands with ellie or joel walking down the street. the baby, one hand in joel’s and one in tommy’s, being pulled off the ground and swung sky high as she laughs. her and ellie playing in the snow together. ellie happily babysitting her so the boys have time for patrol or construction and maria can spend more time at the council. her and ellie trying to build snowmen. ellie teaching her about the stars. joel plays guitar for her and she loves it; it always puts her to sleep. ellie too. she fell asleep on ellies chest once as joel played a tune for them. he didn’t cry (he did)

[ozarkthedog]

Celebration time!!! (Hope I’m not late)

Ok I’m stuck between Tommy Miller & Santi Pope. You know what, let’s go w the former, spice me up bby!

💀 📝 prompt #134 “Touch yourself.” But the catch is: it’ll be rough/dubcon/DILF(?) but he’ll make reader beg for it

ILY you silly goose 🥰

warnings: 18+ only. mdni. BFD!tommy miller x f!reader. dubcon. age gap. inappropriate touching. choking. grinding. barely there fingering. no beta.

word count: 934

author's note: thank you so much for this prompt and for waiting for-fucking-ever for me to fill it. 💙

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭 ⋅ 𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

“Shit.” Your friend says while looking at her cell. “I gotta take this. I totally forgot about my weekly call with my mom. I’ll be like 30 minutes.” She gives you a remorseful look before running along the edge of the inground pool and into the house.

You toss your towel onto the chaise with a sigh. Guess you’ll be enjoying the pool by yourself. You pop the cap on the sunscreen and begin applying the lotion when you feel the unnerving feeling of someone watching you.

“Mind if I join you?” A deep voice sounds from the deck attached to the house.

You raise a hand to shield your eyes from the sun to see your friend’s dad, Tommy, making his way down to the pool. His dark curls bounce as he walks and his shirtless, tan chest displays a chiseled physique with low hanging swim trunks.

He gives you a sly smile as he brushes past you and slinks into the adjoining sun chair. You feel his eyes scan your body from beneath his sunglasses while you continue applying the sunscreen despite wanting to cover yourself up. 

“C’mere. Wanna make sure you’re covered head to toe.” Tommy dips his chin to the place between his burly thighs. 

You give him a timid smile. “Uh, that’s ok. I think I’m good.” You wipe your hands on your towel and look towards the pool.

“I won’t take no for an answer.” He insists. “You’re staying with us during spring break. So, while you’re under my roof, you gotta follow my rules.”

You sneak a look at the house while you make your way over to the older man, praying your friend doesn’t come out, as you sit between his thighs. “Don’t worry. Her mom usually keeps her on the phone for a while.” He says as you hand him the bottle of sunscreen. 

His words don’t make you feel any better. 

Tommy rubs the lotion onto your skin, smoothing his hands all over your back. His skilled palms slide under your bikini straps and dip around the curve of your ribs and brush the swell of your breast every so often. Your belly flips under his touch despite how wrong the situation feels. 

The ache between your thighs grows substantially as he smooths his hands down your spine and into the top of your bikini bottom. His fingers tease the curve of your ass forcing you to bite back a whimper. You’re desperate to quell the growing ache between your thighs the more he works. 

Tommy shifts his legs, nudging you in the process and making your cunt grind against the sun chair. A faint whimper falls from your lips at the nerve bending sensation and you freeze on the spot.

“This feels good, huh?” Tommy quips, pushing his thumbs into the curve of your lower back and forcing your core to push harder onto the chair.

Your chin meets your chest from the salacious contact and your eyes flutter shut from his illicit touch. “Yes.” You respond, breathless.

“I wanna hear you.” Tommy grunts into the shell of your ear when he pulls you close. His bare chest molds to your dewy back as he holds you in place with deft hands locked around your arms.

A hot wave of arousal drips into the lining of your bikini. “Tommy, I don’t-” You start but when he rolls his hips lewdly into your ass all sensible thought goes out the window.

“Why you not doin’ as I say, Sugar?” He gives your body a curt shake before tightening his grip. “I wanna hear you beg.”

You gasp as he rocks his growing length into your ass once more making your core glide gloriously in the slick stained crotch of your bikini. “Come on.” He murmurs, licking a hot stripe down your neck. “Let me hear it.”

“Tommy, please.” You surrender softly. 

“Oh, you’re so sweet.” He grunts before shifting his hold and wrapping one strong arm around your waist and the other locked around your neck. Your hands grasp his arm cautiously as he secures you in a chokehold pressing his bicep against your neck. “Makin’ me fuckin’ hard. Keep goin’, Sugar.”

Fire blazes in your belly as he forces you to grind against the chair just the way he wants. His cock presses obscenely into the curve of your ass moving your two bodies in sync.

“Plea-” He tightens his arm around your neck, turning your sultry beg into a pathetic squeak. 

Your heart beats rapidly against your ribs when he cuts off your air flow. Your fingers dig into his arm as the pleasure escalates. Your lungs burn and your cunt spasms around nothing as your orgasm is on the precipice of flinging you over the edge.

He grunts behind you, pushing and shoving your throbbing core as his hips move faster. Your mouth bobs like a fish desperate for water as tears fill your eyes from the overwhelming stimulation. You begin to shake as every nerve flickers with rapturous sparks.

“Oh, you silly little thing.” He patronizes before stilling his hips and spoiling your imminent bliss. “I said, I wanna hear you beg.” The arm locked around your waist loosens only for him to slide a nimble hand into your bikini bottoms and circling your swollen clit. 

Your body writhes under his depraved touch but your desire blinds the sinful act.

“If you cum before I’m satisfied, you won’t like what I have planned.” He threatens with a terse flex of his bicep cutting off your air once more.   

“Now, beg.”

💌 send me mail - feel free to scream at me

[steeb-stn]

joelandellie are out, ellieandtommy (show version, obvi) are in

no more tortured fatherdaughter relationship where they were estranged for half the short time they knew each other

tommy and ellie who have years and years after pt 2 to grieve and fight and apologize and forgive each other

tommy and ellie who were *sorta* family via joel, and after become family through and through