#tlou one shot

[polaroidpascal]

lunch box || joel miller

AO3 || MASTERLIST || FREE PALESTINE

pairing : joel miller x f!reader

summary : joel’s stubbornness has him working at ungodly hours on your saturday morning. you decide to do something nice for him, but of course he would realize your absence in bed, especially so early when you’re supposed to be off…

tags : M-18+, no use of y/n, reader briefly gets picked up and carried, no outbreak, domestic life with joel, sarah and ellie briefly mentioned, joel is mid-to-late-30s, oral (f!receiving), unprotected p in v sex (practice safe ofc!!), joel being big slightly mentioned once, lots of talking and praise (my man cannot shut up), creampie, cum eating (reader teasing joel lol), general sweetness from them both <3

WC : 2.7k

a/n : this is the first fic i've ever written and posted so enjoy !! :)

Ever since you met, you knew that Joel was the one. Talking with him is easy, like your souls have known each other in every lifetime. Being in his presence is safe and comforting. He feels like home. On top of that, after you had been seeing each other for a while and he let you meet Ellie and Sarah, they made you feel so welcome in their family. Life just makes sense with them.

Joel has been a contractor all his life. Even though he can set his own hours, he prefers to start working early so he can be home with his daughters when they finish school. Today — a Saturday — was weird, though. The project he had been working on needed to be rescheduled because of weather, but Joel decided to keep his hours the same. You could tell he didn’t really want to get up so early on a Saturday, but his stubbornness forbade him from changing that. Last night as you drifted to sleep in his arms, knowing he would probably not have time to get lunch tomorrow, you decided you would do something nice for him. 

Sarah and Ellie spent their Friday night away at a friend’s house (which you and Joel definitely took advantage of the night before), and the house is eerily quiet when you stir awake in the wee hours of your Saturday morning. You can feel Joel’s sturdy arms draped over your sides, his entire body pressed against your back as if he’s scared you’ll float away if he doesn’t keep you close. You hear his slow, sleepy breathing in your ear and you know he’s still dead asleep. Carefully, you lift his heavy arms from you and slip out of his grip, kindly replacing yourself with a pillow, and resting his arm back down. 

He stirs to adjust a bit and settles once again. Success.

You head to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, Joel's life support in a cup, and pull out the things you need to make his lunch. After, you head back to the bedroom to grab a comfy change of clothes. You wait out the brewing with a quick shower hoping it’s less noisy than you think it might be. 

While you shower, Joel stirs awake a little before his alarm. He shuts it off to avoid the noise and turns back over seeking your figure — but you’re gone. Confused and still groggy, he gets up searching for you. He hears the shower running and…

Is that… singing?

He puts his ear up to the door and hears you faintly singing the songs he plays on his guitar for you, trying to be as quiet as you can. His heart swells at your beautiful sound and he almost opens the door to join you, but then the smell of coffee begins to fill his nose. He walks into the kitchen to see the last drips fall into the pot and the ingredients for a hearty sandwich sitting on the counter. Putting two and two together, he nearly tears up realizing your plans and decides to sit to the side and wait for you, not wanting to ruin your surprise.

You throw on your comfy silk pajama shorts and one of Joel’s old band t-shirts that swallow you up and return to the kitchen.

You don’t notice Joel at all.

He watches silently from the dark living room as you pour a glass of coffee for him into his favorite owl mug and glide around the kitchen putting his lunch together. He admires your freshly washed hair, already air drying a little bit, the way his t-shirt, oversized on you, drapes over your curves perfectly, and how you continue quietly humming his songs. A small fire ignites deep inside of him, and as you turn around to pack his food, he rises from his chair.

He silently saunters over stealing two big sips of the coffee you poured for him. You hear the cup clink lightly on the counter and turn around just as his big hands glide over your hips, embracing you from behind. “And here I was thinking I was surprising you,” you tease as his face buries into your neck, his naked torso pressed completely against you.

He chuckles. “You did, angel. I just saw it before you were ready, ‘s all.” He kisses and nips your earlobe and you mewl at the sensation. He trails down to your neck while his hands gently guide your hips back into his, feeling him start to grow through his plaid pajama pants.

“Joel…”, you whisper as you turn around in his embrace to kiss him. You find his hungry lips waiting to invite you in. He tastes deliciously like the coffee you made for him and you hum contentedly at it. Your hands trace his bare sides and chest all the way up to his hair, and you run your fingers through his messy locks.

As if he’s not stiff from sleeping, he hoists you up from the floor carrying you as you straddle him, hands still dancing through his hair, and brings you to the couch. Without breaking your kiss for even just a second, he puts you down laying on top of you as you descend, a comfortable weight that he knows you love to feel. His kiss melts into yours and your lips feel like they become one. He breaks away despite your protesting whine and quietly teases, “You know you didn’t have to get up so early on your day off just ‘cause of me, right? I’d probably have time later to pick somethin’ up,” and his lips fall back to yours, one of his hands coming up to tease your breast.

You moan softly, “Well, with your luck, today would be the one day you wouldn’t find time. Besides, I felt like surprising you.” You smile coyly at him and watch as his pupils grow somehow even bigger at you.

He stares for a second trying to figure out how he got so lucky finding you, and a smile threatens to erupt at the corners of his mouth. “You’re so sweet, you might give me a cavity.”

Your chuckle is cut off by a small gasp as he kisses a line down your neck, his beard ghosting your collarbone. Once he reaches the collar of your — well, his — shirt, he descends lower, sticking his whole head under the shirt that engulfs you. He kisses up your stomach until he reaches your chest, taking one nipple into his mouth and you gasp again. His tongue moves firmly over the growing bud at a quickening pace. “Yes, Joel…” you whimper, then suddenly whine as he bites you, quickly soothing the mark with his tongue.

His free hand rises up to replace his mouth as he moves over to give your other side the same treatment. You pant from both movements happening simultaneously, him drawing out more whimpers and moans from you. You squirm underneath him accidentally grazing his own growing member and he groans, already painfully hard for you. His sounds send a sudden rush of heat straight to your core. He continues at your nipple, one bite in particular causing you to cry out and you could swear you feel his cock twitch against you as he moans in reply, another rush of arousal already flooding within you again.

He kisses a line down your chest, down your stomach, until his hands find the hem of your shorts. Your legs spread making room for his broad frame as he drags your panties and shorts down, seamlessly replacing them with soft yet hungry kisses where they once sat. He tosses them to the side, licking and kissing his way back up your thighs, nipping at the sensitive inner skin.

Joel’s eyes practically look pitch black, his pupils so blown out with lust, when you see him eyeing your throbbing core and he groans.

“Good lord, sweetheart,” is all he can manage as he admires you glistening for him. His eyes trail up your body. He could come just from the sight of you: legs spread eagerly, eyelids heavy, pupils just as blown as his own, desire written on your face in big bold letters…

And you see how desperate he looks for you, but a sly smirk quickly spreads across his face, “Bet you taste even sweeter than you act.”

Unable to control his hunger any longer, he fiercely licks one broad, flattened stroke up your middle, tasting the fruits of his labor. He moans at your taste, sending vibrations over your clit. You let out a cry of pleasure and his hips subconsciously rut into the couch, desperately seeking some relief for himself. His tongue glides through your folds, broad strokes accompanied by tight circles around your clit and the occasional dip inside…

“Fuck, Joel!” you cry as he focuses at your hole, his thumb replacing his tongue at your clit drawing tight, fast circles as his tongue dips in and out of you. “Oh my god… yes, please… feels so…”

He can only moan in response, sending lightning through your body with every sound he makes. “Please… oh, my g-… don’t stop, Joel… I’m so close…”

He can feel your impending release and between gasps for air, he practically begs, “Let it go, angel… that’s it… come all over my face… doin’ so good for me…”

His words send you hurdling over the edge as you come — hard. Your hips drive up into his face, head dipped back, crying out in pleasure. Joel refuses to let one drop go to waste, lapping up your slick like an animal. He licks you through your orgasm until the aftershocks and twitching die down some. Then he rises back up to your face. “Taste so good for me…” he says as he kisses you deep, lips and beard soaked. You moan from his taste; like coffee but with a sweet hint of you mixed in, and he swallows every little sound.

He breaks from your lips, your foreheads touching and lips barely ghosting over each other. “I’m gonna fill you up so good, darling,” he whispers as he reaches down to free his cock from his pajama pants.

“Please…” you beg, eyes lazily gazing into his own. “Fuck me, please.”

He looks deep into your eyes as he rubs up and down your heat, coating himself and he slides in without any problem, going slow when you gasp so your body can adjust to his size. But your body seems to draw him in, swallowing him whole and pulling him into you deeper and deeper. “My god…” he gasps as he feels the lingering spasms of your soft walls choking his cock.

You can only manage to whine in response, your eyes silently begging him to move, and he obeys. He begins slowly moving in and out, already embarrassingly close to his own climax, but he desperately wants to feel you unravel on him. Gradually, he finds his pace, bottoming out inside of you over and over and over. Refusing to break eye contact with you, his free hand dips down seeking your clit as he furiously traces tight, swift, calculated circles round and round.

Your eyes bolt shut at the feeling of him filling you up and teasing your clit. You’re well past the point of forming full sentences, and he can tell. Breathlessly, he tries to coax more from you, “Look so pretty taking my cock, angel… so good… fuck, you feel so good… ‘m not gonna last, sweetheart…” His pace is unpredictable, plowing into you for a few thrusts and then slowing down to a near stop to avoid finishing too early. “Need you — oh, fuck… god, almighty… n-need you to come for me, darling… please…”

As he begs for your release and his hips begin to falter, he finds that spot that only he has ever been able to find within you, rapidly sending you over the edge again. Your walls constrict suffocating his cock. You writhe and whine, almost unable to even make a sound.

He works you through your orgasm, his own rapidly approaching as he watches your eyes roll back from pure bliss. “Yeah, just like that, gorgeous… shit, you’re soaking me… fuck me, dripping everywhere… fuck… Oh my god, I’m—”

He cuts himself off with his own grunting and groaning as he begins to paint your walls with his come. He whines and gasps, bottoming out with every wave of his orgasm until his cock twitches for the last time. He collapses over you, crushing you in the best way with his weight as he tucks his face into your neck. You’re both panting, your chests crashing into each other as you come down from your highs and try to recover.

Joel finally softens enough to pull away without completely overstimulating himself, grunting as he rolls off of you and brings you to your side, spooning you and leaving small, tender kisses on your neck. His hand rests over your waist just as it did when you awoke this morning, and you lay there for a little while your heartbeats return to a normal pace.

You feel his come slowly leak out with his absence but you don’t even care. Being in his embrace washes away any other thought from your brain. All you can care to think about is the strong man clinging to you as he comes back down to Earth, holding you close and never letting go. You’re listening to his breath trying to fill his lungs once more and feeling his raging heartbeat through his chest and against your back. This is your personal heaven. Wishing you could live in this moment forever, you close your eyes and savor the feeling in all its glory.

You feel your body threatening to drift back asleep, but one particularly deep and content sigh from Joel reminds you that he is, in fact, supposed to be leaving for work. Glancing at the clock, you gently remind him of the time, your smile audible as you say, “You have just enough time to clean up and put on your clothes. Good thing your lunch is already packed.”

He gives a breathy chuckle and hesitantly gets up with that classic dad groan he always gives. Even though all he would really like to do is spend the rest of eternity lying right here on this couch in this moment with you, duty calls. He glances between your legs and sees the mess he made. You catch a glimpse of his look, his ferocious blushing visible even in the dimly lit room as he stares quite obviously at your middle. 

Feeling particularly mischievous, you reach down to collect what you can, scooping it up as it coats your fingers. Joel’s mouth drops open in a stupor, watching in disbelief as you bring your fingers up to your mouth and lick your digits clean. You unmistakingly see his breath hitch at the sight and know that if time weren’t the major issue right now, he would pounce on the opportunity for round two.

“Goddamn, angel…” he says shakily, still in utter disbelief. “You drive me fuckin’ crazy. You’re lucky I have a job to go do,” he tells you with a dazed, fucked-out look and tone as he retreats to the bedroom to attempt to get ready for work. You get up and slip into the bathroom to clean yourself up some more before returning to the couch exactly the way he had left you. 

Emerging from your bedroom dressed with lunch in hand, he spots you drifting off back to sleep and walks over to plant a soft kiss on your cheek. Before you completely succumb to the drowsiness, you manage a soft and sweet, “I love you.”

He smiles and bends back down to plant another, longer kiss right to your lips and whispers back, “I love you more.”

He sees you smile at that before he turns for the door and quietly leaves for work, already counting down the minutes of his shift left before he can come back home to you.

[joelsdagger]

all the things i would do

read on ao3 | resources on how to help Palestine here <3

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: porn no plot. joel finds an article of clothing of yours and there’s nothing holding him back once he gets his hands on them. 

rating: explicit, 18+ MDNI 

content warnings: [Post Outbreak], established relationship, implied age gap (25+ years), joel is canon age, slightly domestic joel (blink and it’s gone), joel has a panty kink, panty sniffing, masturbation (m), soft dom!joel, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v sex, pet names (use of baby, sweet baby, sweetheart, love), smidgen of fluff (these two are so in love it’s sickening), an inkling of a size kink (but in my head joel’s at least 6’5, he’s a BIG big man in my brain), joel’s filthy mouth, praise kink, hint of sub!joel, nipple play, one use of the word ‘Daddy’ (moots don’t look at me I couldn’t help it), slight tummy kink/tummy worship, cum eating.  No use of Y/N. No physical descriptions of reader other than having hair long enough that it’s past her shoulders. 

word count: 3.1k

A/N: so, a few things before we get started. i’m new to writing fics and this is my first time publicly putting out a fic that wasn’t just for shits and giggles for my friends and i and i’m so fucking nervous like the amount of times i’ve panicked over this is a little embarrassing to admit but we ball. that being said, i love and welcome constructive criticism as long as you’re nice about it. there was an alternative version of this, it’s more like a deviation (literally sitting in my drafts as we speak) but reader is more involved in the situation, if y’all still wanna read that, just let me know and i’ll work on getting it out for you guys. finally, shout out to @skrunkly-scrimblo for encouraging me to actually write this all those months ago and for all your brilliant ideas and encouragement and practically holding my hand through it since day one, @aurasjournal for being such a gem and helping me with the cover for this fic and hyping me up, and thank you to @papurgaatika and @nevergoingbacknowshine for being so kind and encouraging and listening to my 3am rants when i was anxious. another big thank you to kat, aura, and naya for beta reading and helping me during the editing process. all four of you have been absolute sweethearts despite me being a pussy about posting this. okay i’m done rambling, enjoy some of the filth that constantly plagues my brain <3 

Joel’s eyes blink open slowly, the sun peeks into the bedroom through the curtains across the room. For a moment he searches for you beside him, but remembers you’ve already left for the day out on patrol duty. Joel harrumphs, still bothered over letting you and Ellie bully him out of his patrol duties. “You’ve been hurting yourself too much baby,” You had told him a few weeks ago over breakfast. “Yeah, you’re an old man now. You fall over one more time and you’re done.” Ellie snickers from her seat in the kitchen. Joel just rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to the dishes, but you had caught the small grin on his face when he turned his head back to the sink. Against the two of you, Joel never stood a chance.

Joel drags himself out of bed towards his dresser to grab a new set of clothes. He throws on a blue shirt that fits a little snug on his well built form, the thin material stretches over his broad shoulders, across his strong back, and pulls taut over his biceps and he grunts as he pulls a pair of dark wash jeans over his strong, thick thighs, securing them in place with a distressed leather belt that he’s had for years. Once he’s dressed, he takes in the mess in the room. He notices both of your clothes from the night before are still scattered around the room.  He bends down to pick them up, he grunts as his knees pop when he stands back up. He starts gathering them up to toss them into the hamper already overflowing with clothes. The last article of clothing out of place is yours. Your black lace panties on the armchair in the corner. He grabs them and his eyes widen when he feels it, the center still wet from him making you come earlier. His cock instantly hardened in his jeans.  

Joel turns on his heel and in just a few long strides he’s in your shared bathroom. He deliberately avoids the mirror, knowing that if he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror he’ll disgust himself even more. Briskly, he sets the laundry hamper on the tile near the bathtub. Joel brings the thin black lace up to his face, closes his eyes and he sniffs them, breathing you in completely. He groans at the scent of you. His cock painfully hard now. He knows he shouldn't but he can't help it. He’s addicted to you and he knows he can’t wait til you get home. He knows he can’t wait to have his way with you, dig into you any way that you will let him. So, without another second of hesitation, Joel unbuckles his belt, a clink from the metal hitting the edge of the counter, unzips his jeans and takes his thick, heavy cock out, and then brings your soaked panties to his angry, leaking tip. His precum meets the wetness of your panties and he hisses at the feeling. With the wetness of the gusset of your panties acting as a lubricant, Joel begins to slowly stroke himself, wanting to take his time, savoring every feeling, relishing in it. Joel soon becomes too desperate for release, he quickly loses control, his hips moving faster to fuck his hand, his hand tightening around his cock, the grip almost painful now. His eyes are screwed shut, as he throws his head back, the night before instantly replaying in his head.

He had just gotten out of the shower to find you sprawled out on your stomach on your side of the bed, ankles crossed in the air. He rakes his eyes over your form until his eyes land on your ass. You were wearing the panties he was currently fucking his hand with. You didn’t notice him stepping out of the bathroom, too busy looking at the photo album you had just put together. It’s relatively new, most of the pages empty, yet you were looking at the photos you had taken earlier that week at the Tipsy Bison. The one that had your attention was a photo of you and Joel that Ellie had taken. Neither of you looked at the camera, the photo had captured you mid-laugh, head tilting back, eyes shut, it was a full belly laugh at something Joel had said. Joel’s arm was around your shoulder tucking you into his side, smiling down at you, a rare type of smile, one reserved only for you. 

Leaning on the entryway, his arms crossed over his broad, tanned chest, he smiles at the view. You’re in nothing but your panties in his bed, in his home. His feet move without thinking, walking over to you. He brushes your hair over your shoulder, tracing his fingers over your soft supple skin down your back and over the lace of your panties, and lightly pinches your ass. “So pretty sweet baby,” he says shyly, almost like he’s speaking to himself. You turn your head to look up at him, smiling. Wordlessly, he took the photo album from your hands, placing it on your nightstand. He gets in the bed, carefully sitting on his knees while attempting to avoid loosening the off-white towel around his waist. You roll onto your back to face him, his silver curls still damp from the shower as water still drips onto his strong shoulders. He combs his hair back after a shower and the ends tend to curl up around his ears. It’s been months since you last cut his hair but you like his hair longer, you had whispered to him in the darkness of your bedroom, your naked, sweaty limbs tangled up together between his sheets. From that night on he hasn’t asked you to cut it for him. He likes it because you like it. 

While you’re busy ogling him, Joel’s hands immediately reach to trace the floral lace pattern before toying with the little satin black bow at the center front. His rough, calloused hands slide up your bare thighs, wrapping his large hands around your thighs and he pries open your legs, his hazel eyes locked in on your center like a bullseye and you notice the cocky smirk he’s got plastered on his face, pleased with himself that he’s already got you wet for him. 

He brings two thick fingers to slide over your covered cunt. He feels the wetness on the material and he pulls back to look up at you and finds your attention on his fingers. “What a mess you made, pretty girl,” he murmurs. You’re watching the movement of his fingers, entranced by his fingers teasing your pussy as he glides them up and down your slit. He clicks his tongue at you, “so wet for me huh baby? Always so wet for me. So perfect,” he smirks to himself as he gently pulls your panties to the side, revealing your aching, needy cunt. He lowers his head placing gentle kisses on the soft skin of your inner thigh, his lips tracing and peppering your skin all the way towards your center, his mouth hovering over the place you need him most and you shiver beneath him. 

“Joel,” you whisper, he chuckles seeing you all worked up for him. “Baby please,” you whimper. 

“What is it baby?” he tuts, “use your words, sweet girl,” he tilts his head slightly with a smug grin on his face. His fingers move up and down your folds. 

“N-need them inside me, p-please,” you whimper as you claw at his forearms, clutching them for stability. 

“Alright baby, lemme taste her first,” He lays flat on his stomach, moves his arms under your legs, and hoists them up over his broad shoulders. He lowers his mouth onto your cunt and the tip of his tongue licks through your folds. He hums at the sweet taste of you on his tongue. He flattens his tongue and licks a long thick stripe and he groans lowly, the vibrations making you squirm under him. 

“Fuck, more baby,” you beg. You gasp at the hook of his nose bumping your clit. Your hands fly to his hair, eyes closing swiftly, brows furrowed as you let out a loud moan. 

“There she is,” he smirks. He flicks his tongue over your clit. His eyes slip closed as he relishes in the noises leaving your mouth, like music to his ears. Your hips buck up into his face, selfishly grinding your cunt for more. Joel’s eyes flicker back up your face, “eyes on me sweetheart,” he murmurs. Your eyes snap open to watch him as he brings his fingers back up to your cunt, two thick fingers dip into you and you can hear the wet squelch as he eases his fingers in, simultaneously, he circles his tongue around your clit. He pumps his fingers slowly in and out of you, his tongue lapping at your cunt. You feel the pressure building up more intensely inside of your belly and then you’re chanting his name as he curls his fingers inside you, petting at the spongy spot he knows will break you. He closes his mouth around your clit and he sucks hard. 

“Fuck, Joel, yes yes,” Your hips bucking up into his face, your legs start to shake as you come on his face and your cunt tightening around his fingers, a loud strangled moan filling the air. 

“That’s my girl,” he says as he watches you gasp above him, pressing a quick kiss to your clit. Your eyes flutter open just in time to see him removing his fingers, all wet and shiny, and putting them in his slick covered mouth, sucking them clean. 

Softly, he grabs your ankles, pulling you down towards the edge of the bed eliciting a giggle. His favorite sound…well one of his favorites. His favorite being the next sound that comes out of your mouth when he quickly pulls your panties down. He sees the wet shine of your cum in the center and his face lights up with glee. “You made such a mess ‘a your panties, baby,” he tuts before tossing them across the room. He unties the towel from his waist and lets it fall and it pools around his legs, revealing his thick, heavy cock, the tip angry and beads of precum seeping out of the slit. You place your hands around your thighs, slowly pulling them apart, presenting your already spent pussy to him once again and he groans roughly.

He leans forward, his fingers running through your folds once more, and you quiver at his touch. He gathers your cum on his fingers and strokes himself twice before he dips the wide tip of his cock inside of you. A whine leaves your lips. That. That was his favorite sound. He doesn’t push in further… he doesn’t move an inch. He’s teasing you…wants you to ask nicely for it. Like clockwork his voice laced with honey he says “Ask for it baby, ask for my cock.” 

Desperate, you whine again “please joel… I need your cock.” Your needy fingers trail lightly over his soft belly, sitting up slightly, you place soft kisses from his belly button down to the dark patch of hair above his cock, his body trembles at the feeling of your lips ghosting over his belly and a breathy moan escapes his lips. He laces his fingers with yours, bringing your hands near your head, his large form encompassing your smaller frame, he lowers himself down over you, his lips brushing against yours. “Baby, please. Please fuck my pussy” you mewl. He pushes his cock deeper, deeper, and deeper til the head of his cock kisses your cervix, provoking a loud groan from him against your ear as he nestles himself into you, where he belongs. 

“See baby all you had to do was ask politely” Joel cooes. He drags his hips back, leaving only his tip inside you once again and you clench around him. “Fuck, goddamn you’re fucking tight,” he grits. Slowly he starts thrusting his tip in and out. 

You whine again, “Baby don’t be mean. I want all of it.” 

“Shh..I know baby, I know,” he soothes. Then in one long single thrust, he wedges his cock back inside of you to the hilt, bottoming out into your cunt, hitting the spot that only he knows with a loud ragged groan into the crook of your neck. His cock is stretching you out, feeling every twitch, he’s everywhere and it’s overwhelming. He hitches your legs up towards your chest, opening you up more, your chest pressed tightly against his, he drags the weight of his cock languidly between your slick, moaning at the wet sound of his balls slapping against your ass fills the room. 

When you look up at him it’s like you can see a lightbulb go off in his head and before you know it, Joel’s large hands grab the swell of your ass, he picks you up, and repositions you both so he’s on his back and has you sitting on his thick cock. He wants you to ride him. In this position you can feel him in the deepest parts of your belly and it hurts just a little bit but you find pleasure in it, you always have.  

Leaning forward, you place your hands on the headboard and arching your back a bit more, Joel's head falls back down onto the pillows. At the sudden change of the angle, his eyes shut for just a second before he’s snapping them right back open. He doesn’t want to miss a single thing. He wants to see it all.  He watches how your breasts bounce as you move and quickly, he leans up to catch a nipple in his mouth. He’s licking and sucking all over your pebbled nipple and then his teeth graze along the hardened peak before swiftly pulling it between his teeth. He moves onto the other and he flicks his tongue over your nipple, he sucks and nips at it lightly before he lets your tit fall from his mouth, admiring the slight bounce of your breast before his eyes lock in on your face, watching your face contort and your mouth open while you seek your high. It's his favorite thing, watching you like this. 

“Jesus Christ, look at you, you’re takin’ me so well,” he groans. 

The grip of his hands on your hips tightens but doesn’t guide you, just seeks some ounce of control. You lean forward more so your clit brushes ever so slightly against the dark patch of curls at his base. The friction makes you approach your orgasm quickly. Joel’s eyes flicker down to where you two are connected, taking pleasure in seeing his cock splitting you open, watching as it disappears deep inside of you. 

“That’s it, baby. Fuck….use me. Fuck yourself on daddy’s cock, atta girl,” You roll your hips faster, grinding harder on his cock, greedy and desperate to come again. “C’mon baby, come all over my cock.” 

His words and your clit repeatedly pressing against him make your hips stutter and you clench around him as your orgasm finally washes over you, harder than before. Your body goes limp on his chest. Joel doesn’t let up, he grabs your thighs and lifts his hips, relentlessly fucking his cock up into you. His cock slams into you so hard the wet slapping sound of your bodies fills the room. 

You turn your head and press your lips to his ear, nipping at his earlobe, you spur him on “c’mon Joel, come for me baby,” you softly rasp. “C’mon baby, for me, do it for me love,” you whisper and he whimpers, his thrusts becoming faster, more erratic. You bite down on his shoulder to muffle the whines that leave your mouth as he fucks into you harder, your walls tighten around him, his cock twitches inside you before he hastily pulls out with a long pained groan and with his cock between your bodies, his cum spurts out, thick and warm, coating his stomach. A moment passes and you lower your lips down his chest, feeling the rough edges of his skin underneath your lips as you pepper open mouthed kisses along his strong torso, the soft skin of his belly, over the jagged scar on his lower abdomen, all the way down his happy trail, you feel him shiver beneath you. 

You sit up on his thighs, locking your eyes with his, you bring your fingers down to his cum on his stomach. You look back up at him, your gaze meeting his as you swirl your fingers twice in his spend and bring your shiny, sticky coated fingers up to your mouth, closing your lips around your fingers, sucking them clean. His mouth agape, he’s staring back at you while you use your fingers to lick up his cum, “dirty girl, one’a these days you’re gonna gimme a heart attack woman,” he groans. 

The memory of it all…you riding him, your naked breasts bouncing, his cock impaling you, watching it disappear inside you over and over, your cunt clamping down around his cock and the echo of your moans as you came last night playing in his head sends him hurtling over the edge.

His cock twitches in his hand, his other hand slamming down on the counter, he groans your name raggedly and his thighs quiver as he comes hard into his fist, harder than he ever has when jerking himself off. He pumps his release into your panties, hot, thick ropes of his cum painting your panties. His cum spurting out seemingly endless for a man his age. 

If you were here in front of him he would pull the fabric up over your thighs, making you wear your cum filled panties before going about the rest of your day.

But you’re not here so instead he brings the cum soaked panties up to his face, eyeing his spend and your wetness for a moment. He stops himself and contemplates the idea in his head as he eyes the glistening sheen over the center. Just as quickly as the thought infiltrated his head, he decides against it and bunches up the thin material and tosses them in the old laundry basket sat in the corner of your shared bathroom. Joel tucks himself back into his jeans, washes his hands, limping slightly as he walks out of your bedroom and closes the door behind him leaving your laundry for another day.

[heartpascal]

Pls tell me there's a part two for "if the door wasn't shut". I need Joel and Ellie to come back and reader avoiding them and not speaking to them and just walking away when they try to talk to her. Ofc happy ending but make them work for that forgiveness

i would let you in

▹ — joel miller x platonic!f!reader

▹ — summary: part two of if the door wasnt shut — after being abandoned in jackson, tommy and maria take care of you. joel and ellie’s return hurts far more than their departure.

▹ — a/n: i have no idea how the timeline is gonna work out in the show so ignore that!!! i went off on a bit of a tangent in this one… oops. anyways. let me know if you guys do want a part three!!!

▹ — warnings: angst!!!! AND MORE ANGST!!! oh yeah and a bit of angst too. father figure joel (except he’s failed that role for reader), arguments, throwing of objects, general hopeless feelings, sadness, not proofread, also you WILL like pottery and ceramics sorry!! almost father figure tommy….

▹ — tags: @faceache111 @viknowsbest @inkiqayo @wrcn9fvlcver @pedropascalsrealgf @httpjiikook @issybee0611 @liableperfections @dksjskx @canpillowscry @beeblisss @lizzylynch1 @randomstory56 @hiphopdancer101universe (once again just tagged everyone who asked for pt 2! pls let me know if you want the tag removed&lt;;3)

masterlist | PART THREE

howl’s song associations!

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Everything in this world felt empty. It all felt so… weightless. Like you could pick something up, and it would have no meaning. Sometimes, you felt that way, too.

You couldn’t help it.

It was like everything you felt had drained from your very being, leaving your deflated and aching and empty.

But the emptiness sometimes masked as rage, and then you were throwing all of these meaningless things at meaningless walls, sick to death of hearing yourself yell about things that didn’t matter, that held no weight.

It didn’t matter what it was, it just gave you the shortest reprieve of feeling something, of feeling angry. It burned hot in your veins, and for a moment, you were full of fire. Until your oxygen ran out, and the fire spluttered before it died away, leaving you panting and exhausted and empty once more.

You knew it concerned Maria. Knew that she didn’t need this, the stress of having some kid that lacked the ability to even feel remorseful for breaking the plate that she had only just given you. She should’ve been focusing on the impending arrival of her actual kid, not feeling responsible for the one her brother-in-law had practically dumped on her doorstep.

But you didn’t ask for this either, did you?

Even when you had tried to leave, tried to get a horse out of its stall in the stable, tried to follow the only people you believed you could trust, you couldn’t.

You just about remember the way Tommy had pulled you back from where you had been frantic, trying to untie the horse in a frenzy as your chest heaved, the abandonment trying to deep into your bones. You had coughed and gasped, doing everything you could to try and get this feeling out of you, but nothing had worked.

Then, you had woken up on Tommy and Maria’s couch, the two of them beginning to doze off as the night crept up on them. It had been Maria who had jolted awake first, even when you just rustled the blanket they’d placed over you.

You didn’t want her pity then, had outright refused it. The two adults had tried to comfort you, but you had made it so difficult — because why should you make it easy? Your trust had been burnt up, your tether had reached its end, and you felt… hopeless.

There was nobody left for you in this world — and you wouldn’t let Maria or Tommy try to change that, even with their consistent attempts at being there for you.

They had relented to letting you remain in the house across the road, despite wanting you to remain in their home. They brought over meals every day, whether it be from the pub in town, or from their own kitchen.

Luckily for you, they hadn’t mentioned the cuts to your hand, the ones you had gotten from scraping up shards of ceramic off of the floor, after yet another one of your meltdowns. Sometimes, the only way you could actually feel that anger, was to let it out. And considering they hadn’t given you any of your weapons back, throwing plates and bowls and cups against all available surfaces had to suffice.

It had been weeks — you were sure of it. As much as you tried not to take count, the absence of the only people you had left made the days and nights pass slowly, so slowly that it was just a matter of how many days had you been throwing things? Or how many nights had remained restless?

It was on the twenty-sixth day that Maria had enough, seeing the remains of yet another plate in the garbage around the back of your house.

“Okay, if you’re gonna keep breaking these, you’re gonna have to start replacing them.” Maria told you, voice sterner than it had been in a long time. She’d tried the gentle approach, tried being soft, tried letting you heal in your own way, but it didn’t seem to be working. So strict Maria it would have to be. “Come with me.”

You followed her, with some reluctance, but you knew you didn’t have much of a choice. After all, as much as you hated to admit it, you relied on her. Without her, you were screwed.

So, you shrugged on your coat, and followed her as the snow crunched underneath your boots. She took turns so quickly, with so little hesitation, that you were almost surprised. You’d been in Jackson for a few weeks, and this didn’t feel familiar to you.

She tugged open a shop door, coughing away the dust that shot up at her, and felt the wall for a light switch, humming in victory when the store lit up.

You looked around, confused. You didn’t have money to buy new plates… and this place looked empty. You turned to Maria, watching as she wiped the dust off of a circular… machine?

“Well, it’s not the cleanest,” She acknowledged, “But there’s some supplies left out back, and the boys know where to get more clay.”

“Clay? What— Maria, what is this place?” You asked, running your finger against the dusty grooves of a wooden table, feeling bumps of dried something, and leaning forward to inspect the tools that had been abandoned on the table.

“Old ceramics shop,” She told you, opening the door to the back section of the shop and opening a window to let the air breathe. “Hasn’t been a big priority, really. Came in to get some plates when some of the houses had none, but nobody’s been all to bothered ‘bout fixing it up.”

“So, why am I here?” You raised your eyebrows, starting to get annoyed.

“Because, you’re gonna fix it up. If you’re gonna keep breaking all my damn plates, you’re gonna have to replace ‘em.” Maria replied, opening the windows at the front of the shop, and twisting the sign on the door from open, to closed.

“I… I don’t know shit about making plates.” You offered up quietly, fingers picking at your nails as you tried to get out of this. You did feel… almost guilty, about her plates, but at the same time, it was all you could do.

“Well, no better time to learn. Got some books around here, that’ll help, I’m sure. You can figure this out.” Maria said, your name falling softly from her lips, and you missed the other thing she was doing, which would be giving you something to do, giving you a purpose.

You huffed, feeling something nervous brewing in your stomach, but nodded at Maria before she left. You looked around the shop, eyebrows creasing as you realised you had a lot of work to do.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Tommy’s face was a sight, the first time he walked into the old ceramics shop.

When Maria had come to him, nearing tears in her excitement, telling him that you had finally done the ceramics shop some good, he hadn’t known exactly what to expect. He was well aware how much time you spent in that old place, and he had scolded you over it numerous times, saying the dust would do you no favours… or whatever.

The two of them knew that really, the ceramics shop had done you some good, but Tommy didn’t quite realise how much effort you had really put into it. Sure, it had been more than a few weeks now, but you were on your own in fixing it up.

So when you opened the door, something so close to a smile on your face, he was surprised. Shocked, even.

The surfaces were clean, for a start, which was nothing short of a miracle in his eyes. The furniture had been put back into place, not counting the pile of rotted wood that was outside, unsalvageable. Old ceramic work had been cleaned and put on display, alongside two names — the artists who made them, Tommy realised quickly.

And then there were the plates sat on the counter. New, slightly misshapen, and there was a box next to them, already filled with old newspaper.

“To replace the ones I broke.” You told him, when he looked at you, eyebrows furrowed. Tommy couldn’t help the smile that grew on him, something proud in his chest.

He hadn’t known you for nearly as long as Joel had, but god, he could recognise it in you immediately. The resemblance to his niece, just barely peeking out when you didn’t bury that part of you. He could see why Joel had gotten so… attached. Even if you didn’t resemble Sarah within your mannerisms in a way that was uncanny, you were a good kid.

Despite all the plate-throwing, name-calling, yelling and tears he’d seen from you, he knew you were good. He couldn’t blame you for your reactions, not with the way you had been left behind. And Tommy — he could understand why Joel did it, far more than you could, at least, but he recognised the pain in you.

Even if Joel did it as a result of his need to protect you, it didn’t come across like that in your eyes. From your view, he had taken the girl he knew for a couple months, and dumped you with his younger brother. He didn’t want you, didn’t care about you. It hurt. It hurt and it burnt your chest when you thought of it, and the only thing that made you feel a different kind of fire was creating your own destruction.

But this, this was different.

Tommy could see it in your face. This was such a drastic change from the girl who did everything she could to destroy what she got her hands on. This was a girl who finally got to create.

And sure, in a box in the corner of the room, there were the shattered remains of your failed attempts, but it hadn’t felt quite the same.

You thought of it this way; by throwing his and Maria’s dinnerware, you were destroying something that belonged to someone else. It was familiar to you. Trying to create the pain that caved your chest in, within another person. And yes, it was wrong, on so many levels, but you couldn’t help it. You just wanted somebody to understand.

When you had taken that first circular sculpture out of the kiln, and thrown it as hard as you could, it almost… hurt. These things were an extension of you. You had shaped these with your own hands, folded them into what you saw fit, so why should you destroy them? How could you? You made them this way.

So you had hidden the rest of the failed attempts, shoved into a cupboard in the back section of the shop, and had piled up your best attempts for Tommy and Maria to take home.

“You’ve been busy,” Tommy said, his eyebrows raised as he walked his way around the old shop, noticing you had even cleaned the two-decades worth of grime from the windows. “These are good, you been working on anythin’ else?”

“Tried a mug,” You offered, shrugging, “Didn’t really go so well. Neither did the bowl.”

“Work in progress,” Tommy replied, knocking your shoulder with his elbow. “Thanks, kid. You didn’t have to.”

“Actually, Maria’s instructions.” You said, but amusement was taking over your voice as you said the words. It was true — she had told you to replace what you had broken. But you hadn’t expected to enjoy it so much.

Tommy laughed, picking up the pile and placing it in the box you’d prepared, three layers of duct tape going either way across the bottom of it. “Well, it’s appreciated, anyway. You ‘round for dinner tonight?”

You shrugged again, making your way behind the counter to shuffle through some things in the back room absentmindedly, rolling your eyes when Tommy followed. You didn’t mind him or Maria hanging around as much as you used to, but you kept them at a distance.

“Come ‘round.” Tommy said then, instead, no longer posing it as a question. They’d tried to get you to move in, take up the spare room that would eventually go to their unborn child, but you’d strongly disagreed.

“You cooking? Or Maria?” You asked him, eyebrow raised as you turned to look at him, leaning back against the counter.

“Maria,” Tommy answered, rolling his eyes at your snicker of amusement. “She tries not to let me within ten feet of the damn oven.”

You couldn’t blame her. On the days that Tommy had brought food over to that big empty house opposite their own, it had been… an experience. Luckily for the two of you, Maria had agreed to go out on less patrols as the weeks passed by, sharing some of Tommy’s nervousness for what could happen.

“Not surprised.” You commented, a small grin on your face. You looked around the room, picking at your fingernails before you spoke up. “Hey, I was thinkin’—”

“That’s dangerous.”

You ignored him, only responding with yet another eye roll, “Get a bed in here, some drawers… could be a good spot for me.”

“Somethin’ wrong with Rancher Street?” He asked, concerned as he stood up straighter, looking around the room, not quite sure why you’d want to leave the house that provided you with plenty of space, warmth, and running water.

“No— No, there’s nothing wrong with it. Just… pretty big space for just one person, y’know?” You said, and gestured towards the door at the other side of the room, “This place has got a bathroom, anyway, so. And I mean, I always eat at yours or at the hall.”

Tommy frowned, contemplating.

Though they would’ve preferred you to have stayed in their home, Tommy and Maria relented when you had insisted on staying in that house. In the end, they had figured, what’s the harm? After all, once Joel and Ellie returned — which Tommy was sure would come, eventually, — they’d be living in that house, too.

That was the point. The house on Rancher Street was reserved for the three of you. Tommy had hoped, secretly, that you staying there, meant you wanted to fix things up, once the others returned.

You looked to him, when he was quiet for a moment too long, and he cleared his throat. “‘Spose it wouldn’t hurt. Bit of a trek from here, to ours, though.”

“Tommy, when I was…” You trailed, looking away, “I used to walk miles in a day. This short walk won’t hurt me.”

“You got a point,” He acknowledged, tipping his head forward, and ignoring your unfinished sentence. “But man, Maria’s not gonna be happy.” He thought of his wife, waddling her way over when she was near-ready to burst, and shook his head with a grin. “For you, I guess she’ll get on with it.”

“Shut up,” You said, amusement clear in your tone. “Now get outta here. I got some more fixin’ up to do.”

Tommy put his hands up in surrender, before slipping the box of plates into his hands, yelling out a, “See you later!” As he left.

You shook your head, rolling your eyes with a begrudgingly fond expression as you took another look around. There was a table that wouldn’t do you any good, too big, so that’d have to go. You wiped your hands against your tattered trousers, and sighed.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

The lights in Jackson were warm, and filled the streets you walked through as the night slowly took over the day. It was nice, being able to see in front of you as the sky darkened. You tried not to get used to it, but knew you were settling.

It was hard not to — especially after Maria had officially declared that the shop was yours, for whatever you wanted to do with it.

You tried not to think of Boston, usually, but the last time you had had something that was truly yours, was there. It was hard to forget the things you had stashed away, hidden underneath floorboards that were concealed by the only half-decent mattress that Tess and Joel could find.

Thinking of that life was painful, especially when realising that it was unreachable. You hadn’t known it, when you’d left Boston QZ, but you would never get to return to that home that you’d built. To those things you had owned. To the family that had grown its roots in that crappy old apartment.

It was something strange, really. To think that all you had, perhaps all you ever would have, belonged to this town. You were reliant on its walls keeping you safe. At least that much was similar to life in Boston.

People were happier here, though.

You probably couldn’t include yourself in that statement, but for the most part, it was true. The streets remained lit through the dark nights, and you could go out for a walk at any time of the day, with no consequences. Which was a bit of luck, considering that Tommy and Maria always ate late on in the day.

Turning on to their street, you frowned, because the lights in the house opposite Tommy and Maria’s — the one you had yet to move out of — were turned on. And you always turned them off before you left.

You hurried into Tommy and Maria’s, shutting the door tightly behind you and kicking your shoes off in the doorway. “Guys?” You called out, hanging your coat beside the doorway and making your way toward where you heard their responding shouts in the kitchen. “What’s going on?” You asked, upon entering the room.

The glance they shared did not go unnoticed by you.

You raised your eyebrows as they looked to you, seeming almost… nervous. “Did you already tell her?” You asked Tommy, and saw the way Maria’s face immediately flashed with confusion.

“Tell me what?” She asked, turning to Tommy whilst being conscious to continue stirring whatever it was that she was cooking.

“I didn’t—”

“Then who’s in the house?” You interrupted, feeling like your stomach was sinking. You’d thought it would be strange for them to immediately place new people in the house, given that you hadn’t quite packed up the few things you had left there, and the shop wasn’t quite ready. But what other explanation was there?

“Okay, let’s just press pause for a second.” Maria said, shaking her head and looking to her husband. “What haven’t you told me?”

“Well,” He began, scratching the back of his neck, and gesturing towards you, “The shop’s lookin’ real good. And she was hoping she could, y’know, get a bed in there, and stay there.”

“So you haven’t moved new people into the house?” You asked her, feeling your stomach swoop down further as you spoke, and your mouth was going dry. “Then, does that mean—”

Tommy held a placating hand toward you, and it just told you all you needed to know.

“When?” You asked, feeling like your fingertips were burning and your chest was going to explode with how tightly it had constricted. They hesitated, so you repeated, more forcefully, “When?”

“No more than a couple hours ago.” Maria said, putting her spoon down on the counter and stepping forward, frowning when you turned away from her. “The guys on the gate spotted ‘em. Pretty banged up, but they’ll be okay. Sent them in to get some rest.”

“And you didn’t come and tell me?” You demanded, though your voice was weak and you had to hold your hand against your chest to try and steady your breathing.

“Kid, we—”

“Don’t call me that!” You snapped, immediately. Tommy sighed through his nose, nodding his head in something close to defeat. “I don’t want to see either of them. I’m not going in there.”

“You don’t have to do anything right now,” Maria said, frowning at your expression. “You can stay here, tonight, and we can sort the shop out for you tomorrow, but…”

Tommy placed a hand against Maria’s shoulder as she trailed off, “We were thinkin’, maybe you guys could talk it out. It’s been a couple months, now.”

“What’s there to talk about?” You questioned, voice sharp and paining your throat as you spoke. “They left me behind. Think that says everything, doesn’t it?”

It was all over their faces, the fact that they wanted to say more, wanted to say something in some kind of defence of the other Miller man, but they knew you. The married couple were more than aware that anything they said would mean nothing to you. You were like Joel, in that way, Tommy had said before. Stubborn.

They nodded, almost in sync, and Maria turned back to the stove, to continue cooking as she had been before.

“Would you get my stuff for me? When you get the chance?” You asked Tommy, who nodded his head, a frown prominent on his face.

“I’ll go first thing.” He replied, secretly hoping that come morning, you’d magically want to make amends with his brother. He knew it wasn’t likely.

“Thank you.” You said, feeling like heat was crawling up your neck the longer you stood there. The fire in your stomach was fading away, just leaving you feeling uncomfortably warm as you stood in the room. “I’m gonna go get some fresh air.” You nodded to the back door, and headed out once they acknowledged your words.

You stepped out, feeling the muggy air cool your lungs. It was colder than you’d expected, especially considering the way heat seemed to cling to everything in these parts, and you had to grind your teeth to stop the shiver that went down your spine.

It was only when Maria called to tell you dinner was ready that you stepped back inside, rubbing your hands against your arms to try and rid your skin of goosebumps.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Tommy had moved you into the shop the very next day, constructing a makeshift bed frame from whatever wood the town could spare, and bringing a mattress from an out-of-use house. You could tell he had wanted to say something, but he held himself back.

Now, it had been almost two weeks since they had returned to Jackson. And you’d been doing a fantastic job of avoiding any sight of them.

It hadn’t been difficult, in the beginning, with them taking time to rest and recover from their journey — or so Maria had told you. But it got harder as the days went on. They were beginning to explore the town, to join in on jobs, to eat where you would usually eat. It was getting annoying.

For the past few months, you’d found it so hard to live without them, but now, you realised it was much harder to live with them around. Hell, you’d even had to avoid Tommy and Maria’s on occasion, because you’d catch yourself starving before being in a room with the two of them, willingly.

Tommy had mentioned that they’d asked about you, that they’d been wondering where you were, but you didn’t need to say much for him to realise that you didn’t want them privy to any information about you. After all, they’d lost that right when they’d abandoned you here, in a town full of strangers, with no concern of what it might do to you.

You were getting angry, the longer it went on, the suspense of when you’d finally catch glimpse of them was eating you up inside. It was like life before Jackson, that feeling of being constantly on edge, of checking behind your shoulder consistently as time passed by.

It was safe to say that you weren’t happy.

You’d tried to keep yourself busy in the shop, in the little safe space in Jackson that was tucked away, belonging only to you, but things seemed tense outside of Jackson, and with Tommy taking on more patrols, Maria had been left alone an awful lot.

Tommy had asked you not to tell her, and you had absolutely no plans to, but he had asked you to hang around with her a bit more.

Partly for her own good, and mostly for his peace of mind. A little part, which he refused to tell you, was that it was also for your own good. Taking your mind off of Joel and Ellie was the best he could do for you, and this was the only way he knew how.

So, you had spent more time than you could’ve imagined at their house. Ending up falling asleep on their couch more times than you could count, with Maria insisting on waiting for Tommy to get home from his late-night patrols. He often came home to the two of you soundly asleep against the couch cushions, and you often woke up in a different position to what you fell asleep in, a blanket covering you and keeping away the slight chill.

It was one of those mornings, and you were in desperate need for a shower and some fresh clothes. You wrote a note for the two of them, knowing it was far too early for them to be up, given the way the sun was only just rising, to let them know you were going back to the shop.

Your feet were dragging with every step you took, and shuffling your jacket around your shoulders took more effort than you had expected. It was definitely going to be a long day, especially since you had promised Maria that you’d help her cook dinner later, considering she was still very against letting Tommy near the stove.

The morning air woke you up the slightest bit, but the chill of the breeze had you rubbing your hands together, regretting not bringing gloves, though you knew that later on it’d be far too warm for them.

You heard your name, and froze where you stood, hands clutched together, one foot in front of the other.

It was like your heart stopped the second you heard it, like it was being squeezed so tightly it couldn’t beat. The sensation made your chest ache, and you grit your teeth to move past the pain that had become all too familiar.

You heard him stop, his footsteps pausing as he hesitated behind you. You stood still for a moment more, before stepping away as he made a move to continue. He said your name again, trying to call you to a stop once more, but you hurried your pace, checking behind you after you had turned the corner, lucky enough to find nothing there.

A sigh escaped you, relaxing your tense shoulders just a fraction as you made a quick journey back to the shop.

You tried not to notice the anxiety balled in your chest when you finally made it. The way it was twisting up, pulling tighter on your lungs and leaving you feeling breathless as you thought too long on the slightest of interactions.

Despite not seeing his face, hearing Joel’s voice made their presence all too real, and you felt… overwhelmed. Nervous. Scared, maybe.

It was too much.

Why did they have to come back? Especially when you knew they hadn’t come back for you, but for the comforts of Jackson.

This was the only place that resembled the world before, the only place where you could feel something close to safe, and you could be comfortable. This town was a place for family, and it was clear that you didn’t have that, anymore.

Joel and Ellie had returned, but they weren’t your family. They had left you behind, to find your own way, whilst they went on an adventure of their own, creating a network of roots to settle in something close to a family of their own. You wondered if Ellie reminded Joel of his daughter, but tried to put the thought to rest as quickly as it arose.

You stepped into the shower, and tried to let the water wash away all thoughts of Joel and Ellie and family.

Later, when you stood at Maria’s side, stirring a pot on the stove as she took a moment to rest, complaining of the way her child was making her back ache. She told you about how it made her feel incredibly old, but you could see the fact that she appreciated it, as something of a reminder of the fact she was still here.

You had hummed along with her tangent, paying attention to her words but not feeling up to speaking all too much. Of course, Maria had noticed. She certainly prided herself on her observation skills.

“What’s up?” She asked softly, a strange contrast the the harsh voice she had just been speaking with as she had criticised her body for the pain it felt. Her hand was placed against the bump that has grown significantly, and you knew she was feeling maternal once again.

“It’s nothing.” You told her, because it was, wasn’t it? Joel and Ellie didn’t care about you, so why would you care about them?

“Mhm,” She hummed, raising her brows at you, “Sure it is. Got nothing to do with the two living across the street?”

You shook your head, continuing to stir the food, and tried your best to let out the sigh in your chest as a normal breath. It didn’t work, and Maria rolled her eyes at your denial of something that was so obvious. You didn’t say anything else on the matter, and couldn’t help but feel relieved when she finally let it rest. The two of you finished cooking, with you doing most of the work, and her giving all of the instructions.

But hey, you were much better than Tommy was, despite your inexperience.

It was when the door was knocked whilst you and Maria sat in their living room that you felt that tightening of your chest once again. She glanced to you, taking in the way your limbs had immediately tensed, all of your muscles straining like you weren’t sure whether to bolt, or stay completely still.

She raised a hand, telling you to wait where you were, and made her way to the front door after much groaning in her attempts to get up from the sofa cushions. You refrained from telling her that you were surprised she could manage it on her own, considering the size of her baby bump.

“Hey, Maria.” A familiar voice spoke, and your hands clenched into fists against your thighs, “Tommy in?” Joel asked, remaining outside the house.

“No, uh— he’s on a late patrol, today.” Maria responded, her voice much lighter when she spoke to Joel than it had been when the three of you had first arrived to Jackson.

“Ah,” Joel sighed, and you could hear him taking a step back on the porch, disappointment lacing his tone. It was too familiar. “Mind if I pop by, later on?” He asked, far more hopeful than you had ever heard him.

“Uh…” Maria trailed, and you knew she was looking back in the hallway, unsure if you’d be staying overnight. The wooden floorboards of the porch creaked as Joel stepped forward again, and you heard Maria shushing him as you clenched your teeth together. “Not now, Joel. It’s not a good time. I’ll tell Tommy to stop by yours.”

He sighed, and it was like you were back in Boston, with how heavy he sounded.

It was the same way he would sigh when you got too excited over something, like he was disappointed. Back then, you had thought it had been because he couldn’t guarantee anything for you. Now, you had no idea. You had always believed you had known him and Tess almost too well, but over the past few months, you realised just how wrong you were. Back in Boston, if someone had told them what would happen when you arrived in Jackson, you would’ve laughed in their face. Would’ve been so certain that Joel would never leave your side. You had no idea how wrong you were.

You swallowed, your throat feeling tight, and your tongue feeling like it was too big for your mouth as you heard the door shut, and Maria rounded the corner with a tight smile on her face.

With your heart pounding, you looked at her where she stood, and stopped her just before she could sit down, blurting: “Can you cut my hair?”

Her surprise was evident, but Maria nodded her head, and you tried to breathe through the pain in your lungs as you followed her to the kitchen.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

It was week four, and Joel was getting antsy.

Every time he sat down, he found his fingers tapping an unknown rhythm against his trousers, his legs bouncing up and down as he nervously scanned the room, as though you’d appear from around the corner at any second. Of course, it never happened.

Each time he arrived back to the house on Rancher Street, Ellie’s head perked up, the most hopeful he’d seen her since before winter, and he had to shake his head. Had to watch her expression fall.

When he had seen you leaving Tommy and Maria’s, far too early in the morning for anyone to be awake, something had risen in his chest. He knew it was stupid, that he was a fool for thinking you might speak to him after what he did, but he had hoped so badly that you might just understand.

It was the closest he had been to you in weeks, and he hadn’t even managed to see your face up close, had only just about seen a glimpse of it when you had dragged yourself from Tommy’s porch. The moment he had gotten close enough to reach for you, you had bolted, leaving his hand halfway raised into the air as he stared after you, wondering if he should follow you, or let you go.

When he’d arrived at Tommy and Maria’s one evening, hoping to talk to Tommy about his anxieties, he’d found something else. They were shielding you.

And yes, he had asked them to protect you, had trusted them with something he had never even fully trusted himself with, but god. Joel had never expected that they would protect you from him.

But now, here he was, standing in front of an old shop that had likely seen better days, two decades ago. Ellie was by his side, her hand gripping the sleeve of his coat tightly, before she released it to knock loudly against the shop door.

He had half-expected for you to not answer.

Seeing your face, properly, for the first time in months was not the moment Joel had hoped for it to be. Not when your expression had immediately fallen from something of confusion to anger, to something defensive.

“Hi.” Joel breathed, feeling like he should really kick himself for the pathetic attempt at a greeting. Ellie was close to trembling at his side, trying to stay indifferent, but even from the corner of his eye he could see that hope rising in her expression.

“What do you want?” You snapped at them, wanting nothing more than to close the door in their faces, to slam it shut and lock it, to never open it again. But you refrained, something in your chest balling tighter, but you couldn’t help the desire that arose for something. An explanation, maybe. A good enough reason for you to forgive them, perhaps.

Joel jumped in before Ellie could, saying, “Plates!” He saw Ellie’s head whip towards him, a dumbfounded expression painted across her face. He watched you blink in surprise, and saw your expression go towards indifference as you huffed, and moved away from the door, allowing him to push it open a bit more, pulling Ellie in with him. She closed it behind her.

The silence lingers as you busy yourself with fortifying a box, feeling bitterness creeping up your throat. You thought about why they needed plates, and could not grind your teeth together, somewhat hoping that the scratches and dents in the kitchen counters couldn’t be fixed.

“Listen,” Your head snapped up to him, knowing what came next, and saw the way he backed down, the word kid dying on his lips. He cleared his throat as you went back to taping the cardboard box. “We were hopin’… that, uh, we could all have a talk. Clear things up.”

“I don’t know, Joel,” You began, the bitterness falling off of your tongue with every word, “You guys leaving seemed clear enough to me.”

He hated how much older you sounded.

“We left because we had to, not because we wanted to.” Joel defended, immediately, feeling the hope that had been flickering in his chest for the past four weeks sputter out.

“I remember trying to come with you,” You said offhandedly, keeping your eyes on the cardboard box as you put the final third piece of duct tape across the bottom. “You said: ‘me and Ellie. Not you.’ Remember?”

Ellie’s expression fell further, somehow, and Joel gaped for a moment, flashing back to the way your own face had fallen at his words.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” He said your name, almost like a plead, and frowned when you just turned to go towards the back side of the room, beside a closed door. You ignored it, collecting some of the better looking plates that had been stacked up there. “I didn’t want you to get hurt. I know you never asked for any of this.”

“You’re right, I didn’t. I wanted to stay with you. That’s what I wanted. No matter what might’ve happened, I just wanted to be with you two. You took that from me.” You said, voice harsher than Joel had ever heard it, even from when he and Tess had first taken you in. Remembering that version of you was painful, because he saw no resemblance within the you that stood before him.

Ellie spoke up then, her eyebrows furrowed inwards as she became something far too close to angry as she said your name, “You have no idea what we’ve been through—”

“You’re right.” You cut her off, placing the stack of plates in the cardboard box with a loud thud, “I don’t. And who’s fault is that?”

You looked between the two of them, as if you were expecting the answer, but Joel couldn’t bring himself to say it. You were so grown up, and he couldn’t understand it. It had only been a few months.

At their silence, you scoffed, and shoved the box towards them, watching as Joel instinctively shot his hand out to prevent it from falling off of the edge of the counter. He took the box, feeling like it was far too heavy for what it was, but perhaps that was just the conversation.

“I want you guys to go now.” You said, firm, despite the way your voice tried to shake. You wouldn’t let your voice tremor, not in front of them. Not when they didn’t deserve your devastation.

Joel’s face fell, a common theme in each of your recent interactions, and couldn’t help the way he felt sick to his stomach. All those months ago, you had been asking to leave with them, and now here you were, looking at him with eyes that he didn’t recognise, telling him to leave.

“Come on, Ellie.” He said reluctantly, turning away from where you stood, chin held high.

“No!” Ellie replied loudly, her lip trembling as she looked between you and Joel, like she was expecting something to magically repair the rift between you. Unfortunately, this world was real, and it was ugly, and you weren’t sure that fixing things was even possible. “We— We can’t just give up.” She said, pleadingly, looking to Joel to fix things, like she was so used to him doing.

But Joel knew that this was something he couldn’t fix so easily. “We’re not giving up.” He responded then, training his gaze on you, where your eyebrows had furrowed and you had turned your face away from them.

“You should.” You told him, your own trembling lip matching Ellie’s, before you turned away fully, making the short few steps and entering the back room, shutting the door tightly behind you.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

“You asshole!” You yelled, the moment you saw Tommy stood in the kitchen doorway of his home, with him having turned to face you at the sound of his front door slamming open. He looked confused, but you didn’t fall for that expression, even as he said your name in an even more confused tone.

You stormed over to him, pushing your hands against his chest and feeling him take a bracing step back, not stopping you. He held his hands up by his side, surrendering once again, and you couldn’t stop your eyes from stinging with tears.

“How could you fucking do that to me?” You asked almost desperately, pushing your palm against his shoulder again, and then you felt Maria step around him, place a hand toward you that you flinched back from.

“Do what?” Tommy questioned, dumbfounded, and holding a hand up toward Maria, who backed off at your blatant dismissal of comfort.

“Tell them about my shop!”

Tommy’s face became one of realisation, and Maria whacked a hand against his chest. He immediately looked guilty a moment after the realisation, and held his hands out towards you.

“I let it slip, I know, but I didn’t realise he’d noticed. I swear, I wouldn’t tell him that purposely. He came ‘round?” Tommy spoke, frowning when you took a step away from his hands as they reached for you. He couldn’t help but feel like Joel had unravelled all the trust he had built with you, and his frustration grew at the second realisation of the evening. You could only nod in response, your expression a mixture of anger and devastation. “I’m sorry, kiddo, I didn’t mean for that. Joel wants to fix things up, yeah, but—”

“Fix things? Tommy, how could he fix things?” You asked, your volume raising immediately as you cut him off. “Joel— He knew everything about me, and he chose to leave. He left me willingly! That isn’t… every time I see myself, I see those parts that he rejected. How do you fix that? Tell me how you fix that, and I’ll fucking do it, Tommy, but I can’t figure it out. How can you fix that? How can you forgive that?”

You were yelling, you knew you were, but you couldn’t stop yourself. Everything you had built in Jackson was shattering like those stupid plates in that stupid kitchen. Tears were falling down your face, and Tommy blurred away as your eyes continued to fill with them. It felt never ending, this whole situation did. How did you fix this? Could you?

“I don’t know.” Tommy admitted, feeling like his heart could tear from his chest as he looked at you, your breaths shaking as you tried to get through sobs, your face covered in tears, chest heaving. “But we’re going to figure this out. We’ve got you.”

He moved towards you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders when he realised you’d let him. He felt your arms tremble as they wrapped around him, and he stared past your head as he took notice of Joel frowning in the still-open doorway. They shared a look, and Tommy gave Joel an all too familiar expression, one that he used to give when Sarah would be upset. Too upset for anybody else but Joel to be present.

It felt strange, to Joel, not only to be on the receiving end of the look, but because it was concerning you. But what was he meant to do? How could he fix it?

Joel frowned, nodding at his younger brother, and closed their front door as he turned away, breathing out a sigh that felt far too heavy. He needed to figure this out.

“Come on,” Tommy said, after a few moments, when he was certain you hadn’t noticed Joel closing the door. He led you over to the sofa where Maria was waiting, and when you collapsed next to her, they held you between them until you fell asleep, face still wet from tears. “It’ll be okay.” He spoke, quietly, despite knowing you were asleep. He was half saying it to himself and Maria, too. They needed the reassurance just as much as you did.

Tommy decided then, that when you woke up in the morning, he would do his best to help you figure everything out. And as he shared a look with Maria, he knew that she’d be there, helping right at his side.

PART THREE

[farmerlarrry]

This Time It's Over | Joel Miller One Shot

Inspired by the song: This Time It’s Over by Crybaby

Pairing: Joel Miller x afab!reader | WC: 3.5k

Summary: You and Joel have another argument. When you try to leave, Joel stops you, making up for his faults the only way he can think of. However, is it really over this time?

A/N: If this is bad, just know this is my first attempt at writing smut (and, in general, my first one shot), so please be kind lol. Any feedback is greatly appreciated, just be nice about it!! ♡

Warnings: smut (18+ MDNI), no use of y/n, toxic relationship (mainly alluding to it, but there is some arguing in the beginning), post-outbreak, age gap (Joel is early 50’s/reader is early to mid 20’s but that’s not really mentioned so…), softdom!Joel, angry!Joel, soft!Joel makes an appearance too, praise kink, pet name (sweetheart), oral sex (male receiving), unprotected PiV sex, (kind of) fingering, light ass slapping, ass touching, encouraged begging, light hair pulling, nipple play/sucking (if I missed anything, I sincerely apologize, just let me know if I need to/should add anything)

“How many times have I asked you to put up the curtains?” You greet Joel with hostility as he enters through the front door. His face immediately goes sour. 

“Well, hello to you too,” His tone is dry. You turn away from the barren windows to face him; he’s setting down an assortment of flowers on the kitchen table, pulling out one of the chairs aggressively and taking a seat. “Got these for you, by the way.”

“Thanks,” You instantly shoot back sarcastically. “But I’d really like it if you would hang the fucking curtains up like I’ve been asking you for the past year and a half, Joel.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, woman,” His voice getting louder as he speaks. “I’m out there all fucking day doin’ patrol, ‘n when I get home all you do it bitch and complain about what I’m not doin’. I’ll get around to it.”

“I’ll get around to it,” You mock what he said and narrow your eyes at him, causing him to turn away from you, crossing his arms. “Maybe if you actually followed through with anything you’ve promised me, every fucking thing you said you’d get around to doing, I wouldn’t have to be on your ass all the time.” 

“If you want it done that fuckin’ bad, do it yo–” He snares at you, not finishing his sentence. Not that it matters because you know exactly what he was going to say.

You and Joel have always had a sort of on again, off again relationship. No matter how much the two of you tried, no matter how much you communicated, talked things through; there was always something that left the two of you clawing at each other’s necks. The real issue, though, is you’d always come back together again, things would be sweet and good for a month or two, and then it would all go to shit again, like clockwork. It’s happened time and time again, but there’s something about Joel that no one else could give you in Jackson. And because he keeps coming back to you as well, you assume it’s the same for him. 

Lately, things have become much more intense; the fights are louder, they last longer. You’re sick of it. This time it’s over. Really over.

All you can think to do at the moment is roll your eyes and scoff— loudly. He was right, you could do it yourself, but you were already committed to being annoyed over the fact he didn’t do it when you originally asked. The noise causes Joel to crank his head toward you. You can see the anger building up inside him, his neck becoming splotchy and red; something that only happens when he is seriously pissed off. Throwing down the tea towel you had been using to dry the dishes, you rush past the table, past Joel and head toward the front door. I’m not living like this anymore, you think to yourself, a tightness in your chest is quickly forming. 

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Joel slaps his hand against the table, sending a chill down your spine as your hand hovers the door knob. There’s a hitch in your breathing, before you slowly turn on your heel and face him. He’s never hit anything before in his fits of rage and him doing it now shocked you.

“I’m done, Joel,” Your voice sounds weak and you’re barely able to get your words out, a burning sensation starts to form in your throat. Joel rises from his chair, there’s a darkness in his eyes. He’s walking toward you slowly, like you’re some sort of prey, and you're unable to move; the only thing you can do is watch him as he gets closer and closer. He has a smirk on his face, not even attempting to hide it.

“You’re done?” He runs his thumb over your bottom lip, as he hovers over you. You cower under his touch, looking up at him with wide, doe-eyes. “You know that’s not true, sweetheart.” 

You pull yourself out of your daze and roll your eyes in annoyance, starting to turn away from him. Joel grabs you by your wrists, pushing your back up against the door. The intense smell of aftershave, cigarettes, and coffee fills your senses, your stomach begins to flutter, a fire burning deep inside of you.

“Let go of me,” You say softly, not convincing anyone that you truly want him to. Your eyes are stuck on his slightly parted lips, his bottom one still healing from the last run in he had with someone at The Tipsy Bison. He begins to grab at your ankle length dress, a smirk still plastered on his face, he begins to walk his fingers up your thigh and hiking up the bottom of the dress as quickly as he can. He mutters something unintelligible under his breath when your panties come into view, running his fingers along the hem where your thigh and womanhood meet. 

“I don’t think so,” He barely gets his words out before crashing his lip into yours, forcing his tongue into your mouth which you gladly welcome. You let out a small moan as Joel presses his growing bulge against your leg, and pulls your panties to the side, running his index finger over your pulsing clit. The sensation causes your hips to roll, pushing into his touch. As he pulls away, you grab onto his lip with your teeth, tugging on it. Joel moans, following up with a small, dark chuckle. Joel, you breathily let out, screwing your eyes shut as he teases your hole with two of his fingers.

“You’re such a good girl, you know that?” Joel grunts, pulling his hand out of your panties, knowing that he won’t be able to push through teasing you. He needs you right now.

Before you know it, he’s pulling you by your wrist over to the kitchen table— the one the two of you were arguing at only moments prior. But right now, none of that matters. The only thing that matters is what you want from Joel, and what he wants from you. He flattens his hand against the middle of your back, pushing you down and bending you over the table. Your chest slams against the surface, you let out a small, devilish giggle. ‘M sorry, Joel mutters, you can hear him struggling with his belt buckle, and then it hitting the wood flooring. Your pussy throbs at the thought of Joel fucking you. Without thinking, you grab the edges of the table, wrapping your fingers around the sides until your knuckles go white.

As he comes up behind you, you can feel the warmth of his presence on the back of your thighs, causing the hair to stand up on the back of your neck. You arch your back towards him, begging him to fill you up, to ease the aching feeling between your legs. Your breathing becomes shallow and an intense feeling of irritation comes over you. 

Joel suddenly runs his hand down your back, causing goosebumps to appear across your arms and legs, before lightly slapping your ass. Mhmm, he softly hums. As he comes closer, you can feel his manhood wiggling itself in the slit between your legs. As the tip brushes against your clit, you become impatient, cranking your neck back toward Joel. You can’t see his face, but you know he’s enjoying seeing you like this. 

“Joel—“ You practically cry out.

“Tell me sweetheart, tell me how bad you want me,” His voice is dark, but smooth. 

“So— so fucking bad, please,” You whimper, laying the side of your head down at the table, preparing yourself for when Joel decides to enter your dripping hole.

“You look so fucking good from this angle,” He moans quietly, more for himself than for you to hear.

He reaches between him and you with his hand, and you can feel him slowly drag his cock between your lips, positioning his tip ever so slightly at the entrance of your hole. You bite down hard on your bottom lip, trying to scoot yourself back toward him. 

“Please,” You practically shout out to him, and he returns a seductive laugh before slowly pushing himself deeper, and deeper inside you. You let out a loud moan as you feel your tight hole stretch around him; both pain and pleasure fills you, the feeling spreading down to your legs.

“Tell me how good I feel inside of you,” Joel grunts, gripping onto your hips, pressing his fingers into the dips of your hips, and slamming them back toward him. Your eyes roll back at the force, and you can feel your legs begin to go numb. When you don’t respond fast enough for him, he pushes himself into you more aggressively. “I said, tell me—“

You cut him off before he can complete his sentence. 

“So…fucking…good,” You pause, saying each would on each thrust. The table is moving underneath you, scraping against the flooring. Joel draws himself slowly out of you before thrusting back in, you can feel something warm begin to run down your legs. 

“Shit,” Joel says in a serious tone, pulling out of you without any warning. A feeling of emptiness overcomes you and you begin to whimper, cranking your neck back to him. You lock eyes with him, giving him pleading eyes, he glances back and forth between you and the window.

“Wha— what are you doing?” You can feel yourself dripping, pulsing at your undying desire for him to be back inside of you.

“Head on upstairs,” Joel says, grabbing his jeans off the floor and covering his lower half. You look over to the window, the family who lives next door is approaching from the side street. There’s no way they won’t see the two of you once they get closer. 

“I should’ve put those curtains up.” Joel sounds slightly embarrassed admitting that. You turn back to him about halfway up the steps, I told you so, you think to yourself, giving him a telling look. He just shakes his head, slapping your ass to get you moving. “C’mon, we got some business to finish.”

As soon as the two of you are in the main bedroom, Joel is already all over you again. The sun is now setting, casting a dim, warm glow over the bedroom. As he begins to tug at the straps of your dress, you start to thumb at the hem of his worn, faded blue t-shirt. The one you told him to throw out. Your subtle frustration at the realization he failed to listen to you again turns to lust and firmly plant your hands on his chest, forcibly pushing him back on the bed. Your aggressiveness comes to him as a surprise, turning him on even more at the same time. He’s now watching you with begging eyes as you slip the other strap over your arm, your dress falling into a messy pile on the floor. Joel runs his eyes all over you, his throat bobbing when the two of you lock eyes. You walk over to him slowly, positioning yourself between his legs. Joel runs his hands across your lower back, rubbing your ass and squeezing occasionally. 

You drop to your knees, still keeping intense eye contact with Joel. His eyes are wide and his breathing is slow. Sweat is beginning to form on his forehead and is clinging onto his chest hairs. You grab your hair with one of your hands, moving it to one side and then drop your eyes to his cock, the tip is swollen, begging to be touched. As you begin to rub your thumb over the dripping head, Joel lets out a guttural moan. A moan that clearly conveys finally. The sounds he’s making turns you on ever more than before, you can feel your breasts begin to swell. 

“Look at me,” You whisper to Joel who has his head tilted back, looking towards the ceiling. You bring your free hand up to the back of his head, lightly wrapping your fingers around his hair and pulling it upright. He hazily looks at you, his tongue poking out from between his swollen lips. “Watch me.”

You look up at him with wide eyes as you take just the head of his cock between your lips, sucking on it ever so slightly. You watch as his eyelids flutter, and his eyes roll back; you watch as he struggles to keep his eyes open to watch you. The warmth of his precum caresses your cold tongues as you begin to swirl it, feeling the liquid steadily come from the slit of his cock. 

“Do– fuck– take i–in more,” Joel begins to plead, bring one of his hands up to the back of your head, entangling his fingers in your hair, encouraging you to take in more of him by pushing the back of your head into him. You immediately obliged, slowly and messily bobbing your head, taking in more of him each time. When you can feel the tip reach the farthest point your body will allow it to go, you take your hand, pumping and twisting the remainder of his girth. “That’s i–it sweetheart, you know h– oh my fucking God– you know how to make me fe–el good. Keep going, you–re doing s–so good.”

He’s guiding your head, pushing and pulling at his desired pace. His cock is covered in your saliva, pooling around the base. When the muscles in his thighs begin to tense up, he pulls you off of him, more aggressively than intended. You fall back on your hands on the floor, looking up at him with furrowed brows.

“Don’t think I’m not gonna pleasure you, do ya?” He says begin his heavy breaths, his chest rising and falling quickly. “Get up here.” 

Joel stands up, slightly pumping his cock and points at the bed. You oblige, bringing yourself up to your feet and centering yourself on the bed. Joel joins you without hesitation, positioning himself between your legs and hovering over you. He starts to nip at your neck, following down to collarbones, before taking one of your hard nipples into his mouth, gently sucking and biting at it. A wave of pleasure shoots through your limbs, causing you to let out a moan. Joel snickers.

“You like that, huh?” His tone is dark. As he nips at it again, you can feel his cock hit against your clit, sending a whole new sensation through your body. He swirls his tongue around the bud, moving on down your stomach, planting small kisses along the way.

Getting impatient, once again, you reach between the two of you grabbing his cock and scooting your body down. Joel begins to thrust in your hand, his eyes rolling back. He lets small, soft moans escape past his lips, to which you respond with whimpers. You want him so damn bad. 

“Just– fuck me Joel,” You are finally able to get the words out. Joel nods in response, obviously over teasing you, and he spreads your legs wider. 

As soon as you feel the tip connect with your hole, you buckle your hips and wrap your legs around his torso. In harmony, Joel thrusts deep inside of you, the two of you let out a loud moan. The bed creaks as he draws in and out, you can feel the sheets starting to become damp with sweat and other bodily fluids. 

“Tell me you're done,” Joel suddenly says in a clear voice. “You’re done with me, with u–us.”

His request throws you off. His breathing becomes heavier as he starts to thrust faster and harder into you, your mind goes blank, the only thing you can focus on is how sexy Joel looks hovering over you and how fucking good it feels to be fucked by him. You don’t think anyone else would be able to make you feel this good.

“I– I’m– duh–” You try to get the words out but the building chaos in your stomach becomes overwhelming and nearly debilitating. You can feel your legs start to tense up, your toes becoming numb.

“You… can’t… even…say…it…,” Joel drags out between his heavy breaths. Sweat is running down his cheeks and chest, dropping in splotches on your stomach. 

“Joel, I– I can’t– I’m about to–” You screw your eyes shut as you twitch under Joel’s weight, for a moment all you can see are bright splotches of colors; the tension in your stomach coming to an explosive end. Joel slows his thrusting, but continues, riding you out of your orgasm. You have your hands grasped around his forearms, squeezing as tight as you can.

“That’s good, sweetheart,” He says in a soothing tone. You can feel yourself pulsing around him. “You’re so fucking good.” 

On his last thrust, he doesnt pull out right away, his breathing hitches and he lets out a moan of relief. You can feel his girth twitch inside of you, and your pussy responds with a few more pulses. As he pulls out, the warmth of him remains, running down your slit and pooling on the bed. Joel drops down next to you, half limp with his arm strewn across your chest.

–

“Where are you going?” Joel props himself up on the bed with one elbow, sweat glistening off his chest and forehead as the moonlight shines in through the open window.

“Home,” You respond, almost confused. Where else would you be going?

You see his face drop in return, slightly pouting his bottom lip. For a moment, you wait for him to say something, but when he doesn’t, you go back to wrangling with your mess of a dress; nearly falling over in the dark room when your foot doesn’t slide through the top opening with ease. 

In the corner of your eye, you see Joel slowly pull himself out of bed, slipping on his gray boxers without any struggle. The floorboards creak quietly as he makes his way across the room toward you. You let out a deep sigh, a sense of relief lingers as you exhale. As you pull the last strap over your shoulder and adjust the bust, Joel loosely wraps his still damp arms around you and you crumble under his touch. You can hear his heartbeat as you nuzzle your head against his chest. Strong and deep. You close your eyes. This is the last time, you think.

“It’s cold out,” His voice is quiet and hoarse. He has his arms fully wrapped around you, not letting you escape, even if you tried— even if you wanted to. A somber smile appears on your face and you tilt your head back to look up at him. He doesn’t return your gaze, staring out the window as the two of you begin to sway from side to side. “Just stay for the night.”

His voice is even smaller than it was before, the sound coming out like a breeze. Joel runs his hands smoothly along the sides of your arms, barely brushing past your hips, before letting his arms fall at his side. He deeply inhales, locking his intense eyes on you, anticipating for you to say something— anything— at this point. You know exactly what he wants to hear.

You bring your bottom lip between your teeth, contemplating your choices and their potential consequences. If I don’t leave now, it will just be a never ending cycle, you think, your breathing becoming slow and deep. As you’re thinking, Joel brings his hand up to the back of your neck, running his fingers along your hairline, then tracing your jawline with the tips. 

Even though you know what you should do— the right thing to do— Joel is your weakness. And you are his. That’s why breaking up has never worked in the past. The community is too small, and your relationship is too intense.

“Sweetheart,” His tone has a hint of anxiousness to it.

You give him a slight nod, a bit of hesitation behind the gesture. He grabs your hand, softly running his thumb over your knuckles, pulling you back toward the messy bed. You crawl from his designation side over to yours, laying on your side to face him. With your hand tucked under your head, cupping your ear, you watch him take a smooth draw at his whiskey, the muscles in his chest twitch as he moves his arm.

He slips into the bed, pulling the blanket over the two of you, and scooting closer to you. Your eyelashes are fluttering at him, your heart full; the infatuation that comes after an intense break up, you think, self-aware of what you’re feeling. A small part of you feels guilty. Joel is looking at you with hungry eyes, although a softness exudes from them. He leans in, planting a soft, lingering kiss on your lips. 

“This time it’s over,” He says as he pulls away, brushing a few pieces of stray hair out of your face. You smile at him, following up with a bittersweet nod.

[femlesbianbarbie]

Soccer Abby Who is always complimenting you on your outfit.

Soccer Abby Who can't help but stare at you as as you walk away. Even more so if you wear the short little dresses she loves so much.

Soccer Abby Hates When her teammates stare at her ass in said little dresses.

Soccer Abby Who will pull you into her lap and show them exactly who you belong too.

Soccer Abby Who will always pull you over the barricade at the games and carries you around the pitch in celebration.

Soccer Abby who loves seeing you interact with children.

Soccer Abby who is constantly talking or fighting her way into yellow cards.

Soccer Abby who doesn’t drink often but when she does she becomes the biggest softy.

Soccer Abby who is constantly being traded because everyone wants a piece of her talent.

Soccer Abby who can somehow always find you in the crowd no matter where you are.

Soccer Abby who loves seeing you where her jersey especially just her jersey.

Soccer Abby who is teased constantly by her teammates for being such a simp for you.

Soccer Abby who likes to sit with you and watch funny clips of her teammates.

Soccer Abby who mentions in any chance she gets. It gets to the point where she will spend entire interviews gushing about you.

Soccer Abby who always helps with household chores no matter how busy or tired she is.

[sleepyangelkami]

heyyyy so this is kinda random but I love your writing and I was wondering if you've played/watched Tlou and if you did could you maybe write something for Ellie Williams.... thanks for considering!

-Anon 🧶

JADED TWILIGHT e.williams

☆ WORD COUNT - 3.2K

ELLIE WILLIAMS X FEM!READER

☆ SUMMARY - a mission leads to a very overstimulated reader, good thing her girlfriend, ellie williams, is there to protect her when the night falls and she recovers from the stressful mission underneath the blankets of jackson.

☆ WARNINGS - intended lower case, overstimulated reader, crying, yelling, petnames, intended lower case, nothing i write is ever proofread 🩷

she could tell before you even approached home that was jackson. she could tell by the way your words of input slowly died down within the last day and how you opted to simply nodding your head every now and again though you knew it would not suffice.

ellie williams knew you better than you did yourself, she knew your quirks like they were her own, she spent so much time studying you that if she had to take an exam on it, she'd pass with flying colors. she knew when you got overstimulated. she knew exactly how it went because every single time was the same. at first it was the draw backs, the way you excluded yourself from an important conversation or how you opted to only speaking when spoken to, when words were forced out of you.

ellie did her best to support you then, she'd get the attention off you, she'd bring up a point you had mumbled underneath your breath only modifying it in the slightest and when everyone would thank her for such a good idea, she always pointed the attention back on you, the good kind. her heart ached when you'd smile though it didnt quite reach your eyes.

when the drawbacks became still too much, you had no choice but to draw back from ellie too, worrying you may snap. overstimulation wasn't always wet tears and sulking, it often resulted in your face contorted into an angry frown and when someone said something a little too harsh, something you'd let off on a normal day, you had your mouth open and something crude falling from your lips.

you were always a quiet girl, you didn't speak much when you were angry though it sometimes showed on your face. don't get me wrong, you loved chatting away to Jesse, Dina, even Tommy, you had this thing where your mouth wouldn't stop moving the minute you became excited about something. but by no means had you ever said something rude to someone, even when they were the ones to start it. ellie always scolded you for this, claiming they'd keep doing it again until you said something but you couldn't help but shrug, claiming that you didn't wish to hurt anyones feelings, even if they had hurt yours.

but it was times like this, when everything had become too much that you couldn't seem to care. the older men stomped on you for being small, young, someone so fragile that you surely couldn't help yourself let alone them. ellie felt pride bubble in her when you stuck up for yourself, your voice raising causing their eyes to widen, glances thrown at one another. they hadn't expected you to blow up, how could they when you were as fragile as a flower.

ellies pride could only simmer down when she realised why you were yelling. it wasnt because you were angry with them, though you had every right to be, you were angry with everything around you, the overstimulation got to you and you couldnt help the ansty bursts. while she would have praised you for sticking up for yourself, claiming she was so very proud she could only feel pitiful when you stomped your feet away from them all, tears burning the edges of your eyes. she knew that look too well. guilt.

ellie never confronted you about this during the admiss of overstimulation, she knew it was simply one more thing you couldn't handle. so, she let you be because no matter what, she'd be here at the very end, when you were ready. so she let you slump against her arm that night, allowed you to bask in whatever affection you could get. she brought her hand uo to pet your head, only stopping when she saw the tears forming. she'd mumbled out something like "oh, princess." too much sympathy in her voice to ignore. she plastered a chaste kiss onto the crown of your head and let you silently fall asleep, your soft skin sitting on the scratchy fabric of her jacket. she didn't mind when you needed her comforting silence, she always offered it up to you without so much as a protest. she knew you needed sleep if you were going to make it back to jackson that next day.

turns out she was right. she could tell as bad as you were now, the night of her comfort had soothed you so very slightly, but that meant a lot, nontheless. the ride home you were silent but you no longer looked angry. tired, upset, yes, but not angry. ellie was happy with this. of course, she never wished to see her girl upset but it was indefinitely better than angry because as fragile and sweet as you were, when you were angry you couldn't stop your mouth, something was bound to fall out even if it wasn't necessarily mean, just enough to have guilt hanging over your shoulders. 

the mission was hard, even for her, she couldn't imagine how tired her sweet angel was. you shared a horse, ellie in the front. your cheek was lazily pressed against her back, hands softly placed around her waist so you didn't fall off. she couldn't wait to welcome the jackson gates with open arms, she couldn't wait to have you in bed, resting, it was well deserved. you put your heart and soul into missions, she knew this, everyone did, sometimes it simply took too much out of you, however, and this was normal, of course but ellie never wished to see you upset even if it wasn't something she could help. 

the chatter amongst the others was louder than before, much more laughter filling the air now that everyone had relaxed, everything went swimingly, everyone happy, they were beyond exited to go home, to rest. of course it wasn't their fault they were so happy but ellie wished nothing more than to shove a hand on their mouths and tell them to "shut the fuck up" because you were tired and the loud noises could only add to the overstimulation. 

the gates neared faster than any of them could have imagined, any of them other than ellie, who felt the ride home was excruciatingly long. the gates opened, people were met with the biggest of grins, the brightest of laughs, the adoration and pure awe of their bravery, how they had risked anything for their town again and again and yet the only thing ellie could focus on was your face. as always, maria shooed everyone away in seconds, telling them they stunk of something absurd that they were in desperate need of a shower which was merely a decoy, of course. she did this so the tired beings could simply go home, shower if they wished and if not then so be it, rest as best they could instead of being swarmed by doting smiles, as sweet as they were, they didn't seem so understanding when running on how much sleep they had been running on. 

home. something you had been in desperate need of, not an all-out giggling session with dina or a bear hug given by your absolute favourite hugger jesse, you needed home, with ellie. you were the first to reach your shared home, of course with your eagerness causing you to all but rush into the house, ellie hot on your heels but unfortunately not fast enough as you had been. she ignored the way the snow annoyingly crunched underneath her feet, she ignored the smell of her hoodie and the way her hair was falling out of her seemingly perfect half up half down do. she ignored everything so she could rush into the house right after you only with calm, gentle footsteps. careful not to upset you further. 

ellie was anything but soft, but with you, she was anything other than so. you were an angel, a princess in desperate need of worshiping, she'd offer everything she could and serve it to you on a golden platter. but she knew better, you'd simply swat the gold away to reach her own face. you were like that. you didn't care for any riches or gold, only for the love and adoration of one girl and one girl alone. ellie fucking williams. 

she reached the bedroom after you did, kicking her boots off in the hallway before she entered. she wasn't shocked to see you sitting on the bed already, your shoes neatly put beside one another at the foot of the bed, your knees up to your chest and your head laying on top of it, wishing on everything for the nagging pain in your head to subside. "hey, baby, it's okay. you're home." home. it did little to ease your nerves for you knew you were home already, before you had entered the building. you were home whenever you were with ellie but sometimes even she couldn't hide you away from the evil thoughts gracing your mind. "i've got you." so gently did she take your arms in her own. her lips gently kissed your neck, she didn't squeeze you like jesse did when he was excited, she took you in her arms and held you, not tight, gently and softly, a warm and homely place like no other. you couldn't hold it in anymore, not with her tender touch. you moved swiftly, hugging her back only tighter than before, your head burried into the crook of her neck. stressed hiccups leaving your lips. "c'mon baby, talk to me." with the softest voice she could muster. 

she hated to see you cry, hated to hear you cry, anything that involved your small tears dripping down your cheeks had her gut twisting in a horrid way. "i tried, i really tried." was all you could pant into her neck, all but sobbing straight onto her cotton hoodie. 

"and you did amazing, pretty girl." she knew it would help even if it was in the littlest way. " 'm so proud of you for being a good girl the whole time." but contrary to her words, you felt anything but a 'good girl'. 

you sniffled heavily, shaking your head in her embrace. you made a noise of disagreement. "no- i yelled at them and i didn't mean to- i didn't wanna be mean." guilt weighing you down even if you couldn't put it into the words you wished you could. 

you heard a tut from your girlfriend as her hands soothed your waist. "if you didn't say anything, i would've." she spoke tenderly, her lips coming to gently place against the crown of your hair. "when you think about it, you did them a favour, imagine i got to them, huh?!" with a small laugh she pulled away, wanting nothing more than to see your pretty face. "the sorry suckers would've been all the way in canada by now!" her lighthearted voice speaking as if you were a child but you didn't protest, quite the opposite actually, you felt merely soothed by it. "baby, you did the right thing, okay?" 

you sniffled yet nodded, despite the fact you didn't believe her. you didn't do the right thing, how could yelling ever be the right thing? you wanted so badly to put your guilt into words but you couldn't, it simply wasn't possible. "i hate feeling like this." you opted for, a break in your voice as you mumbled it out. 

overstimulation. you hated overtimulation. "i know, baby but you handled it so well, didn't you?" practically gushing over you as she pulled you closer to her further, you were practically sitting on her lap, your feet draped over the other side of her legs. "you were so brave, my brave girl." there was something about the fearless, powerful, courageous and valiant ellie williams calling you brave, nevertheless her brave girl that could only make your heart swoon. "c'mon why don't we get cleaned up?" 

and that was exactly what you did. you took turns showering, ellie being first and then you. you let the hot water hit your back, admittedly, too hot to be a normal shower. you knew that if ellie had saw you, had felt the temperature of the water, she surely would have had something to say, something to scold you about but ellie wasn't here now and you needed this. you needed the reminder that you were here, in your bathroom, without anyone else. you needed the reminder that you were home, that all the evil thoughts could leave because there was nothing wrong. ellie was outside the bathroom, picking a movie, and you were showering in the comfort of your own bathroom, you were safe. 

ellie had picked out your clothes, as she usually did. sometimes, you swore she thought you were a doll, one that she could dress, one she did the hair of, picked out what you ate, drank, one she could pick apart and get to know every square inch of. and if you were being honest with both her and yourself, you adored it more than anything in the entire world. you slipped your white long sleeved top over your head, ignoring the way it became very slightly see through due to the droplets of your hair, then slipping on one of ellie's pairs of boxers. you assumed that she thought it served well enough as a pants for she hadn't left anything else out for you to wear. 

you didn't mind, however, there was something about the way your slightly pink skin, still hot from the shower, the way your damp hair sat at your back and your smooth skin was on show that seemed so homely. you were comfortable here. you didn't have to worry for how ellie would react to your bare legs or your completely clean of make up face. ellie was like that, she made you feel so... sheltered, warm. 

when you exited you and ellie's shared bathroom, your eyes immediately flickered to your girlfriend, who was sat atop the large bed, fiddling with the projector. she looked up upon hearing your entrance. "hey, sweet girl." a goofy grin instantly falling on her lips. "nice shower?" 

you nodded your sleepy head as you took a seat on the bed next to your girlfriend. her hair had almost completely dried and you just now realised how unfair it was that she got to be in sweatpants and you didn't, a black tee falling across her figure. "which one did you pick?" you questioned as you let your head fall on the back of her shoulder, cheek squishing against her top to which she paid no mind to. 

"the swan princess." holding up a rather girly dvd packet. when she turned to look at you, she physically held in a coo at your figure, all cosy against her. 

you had to stop the small giggle leaving your lips. "you hate that movie." it was true. almost every time you watched the cartoon, she had something to say about derek's 'god awful haircut' or the fact that jean bob was the only good part of the entire movie, always stating that odette seemed rather suspicious, you always shrugged her off, of course. 

she looked at your face, skin slightly damp from your shower, cheeks flush and pink. she couldn't stop herself from leaning forward and pressing a kiss against your lips. "yeah but it's your favourite." she whispered, leaning back only slightly so that when her lips moved, they slightly brushed against your own. 

your smile widened if it were even possible. "i love you, els." the nickname falling from your lips so perfectly, ellie wished she could frame this moment into her mind forever. 

"i love you so much more, pretty girl." leaning in closer, if possible. 

your eyes glanced from her lips up to her eyes. "liar." a small giggle falling past your lips until hers were on yours once more. this kiss lasted longer than her usual peck, it was passionate, one that had your face falling backwards as she practically captured your lips as her own. she kissed you hard, though her hands kept at her sides, not moving for the pure bliss of the kiss was well enough. 

she pulled away for breath, your lips only chased hers for a second before you too leaned back for air. she grinned, looking into your eyes as if they were made of every star in the galaxy and you were her favourite constellation. how did she get so lucky? and she didn't mean it in the way many teens did, when they posted a picture of their girlfriend in full makeup, in a dress, stating they were the luckiest person on earth. no. ellie was truly lucky. beyond so. she would love you in any clothes, any light, any face, any body, and yet in front of her was the most unearthly ethereal girl she had ever laid eyes on. you were enchanting. "let's get this movie over with, yeah?" though she didn't truly hate the movie, despite her words. a massive grin splayed on her lips as she finally pulled away. she didn't fear you would leave, she didn't fear you would disappear and turn to dust. for the first time in her life, the 'fearless' girl wasn't scared. you were here. you weren't letting go. it was you and her until the very end, she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. so she clicked on the start to the movie and laid back with peace playing about in her mind because she was here, with you, her angel, and that was how it would stay until all the stars in the galaxy burnt out and every constellation turned to a black dust. 

the night passed, as did the movie. ellie found herself grinning at the way you giggled at something speed had said, something you heard at least a thousand times and still found it funny. she couldn't help but smile down at you in so much adoration as your finger tips traced her tattoo on her arm. she couldn't help but melt into your touch as you cuddled against her, skin so soft and warm. 

the end credits rolled on faster than she had wished and yet she simply pushed her foot out to snap the 'stop' button on the projector, not bothering to move from her place on the bed with you. your eyes were closed, lashes hitting gently against your cheeks as you had wrapped yourself in her arm, cuddled as close as humanly possible. no matter how overwhelmed you could get, you always went back to her. it spoke so many words an action shouldn't have been able to do. "goodnight, princess." a kiss once again against the crown of your head. 

when she laid down into the blankets further, you moved yourself so you had cuddled her further, closer, relaxed breaths falling from your lips. "g'night." it was soft, gentle and caused her brows to furrow. she turned to peer at your face. you were fast asleep and yet managed to mumble out a barely coherent word. 

it was safe to say that night that ellie williams went to sleep with the gentlest and largest of simpers on her face known to man-kind. 

main masterlist/ellie's masterlist

[luvsellie]

YOU KNOW i need eat your young with ellie. so please. thank you. CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN U DESERVE MORE !!!!!!!!

— pairing knight!ellie x queen!fem!reader | wc 0.4k | lyrics + song “i'm starvin' darlin', let me put my lips to somethin'" (eat your young by hozier) | note I KNEW YOU'D PICK THIS ONE THAT'S WHY I MADE IT AN OPTION! also i am literally shaking i was fangirling the entire time i wrote this

she thought you deserved the entire world—the whole of humanity, right at your fingertips. but when she watched your father place the vine-laden crown on your brow, ellie supposed it was already within your reach.

“we can not keep hiding like this,” you breathed, well-manicured hands pressing down on ellie’s clothed shoulders, head tilted as she placed open-mouthed kisses to the column of your throat. her hair tickled your collarbone as you continued, squirming under the way her thigh wedged its way between your legs, through the skirt of your thin satin nightgown. “my father…” you gulped. “my father mentioned finding me a suitor.”

ellie groaned against your skin before pulling away to look at you. she didn’t say anything, however, she didn’t have to. you could see her dismay—annoyance, even—pooling in the depth of her eyes. 

“but,” you began shakily, an uncertain smile tugging on the corners of your mouth, “i suppose i can hold him off. at least until i tell him i have already found someone.”

her gaze narrowed, pelvis shifting against yours. for a split second, you thought there was a flash of surprise in her features, the idea of sharing your relationship foreign. “i do not think that telling your father you have a thing for your personal knight would please him.”

“he would have such a fit,” you admitted with an airy chuckle, reaching your right hand up to ghost your thumb against the apple of ellie’s cheek. she leaned into your touch as you continued. “but i don’t think he would object to a king. especially one he has taken such a likeness and approval to.”

you were nearly certain she stopped breathing, her eyes widening with an unprecedented expression. “who?” she looked hurt, unaware of what you were getting at.

“oh, ellie.” her name was heavy on your tongue, and you leaned forward, gently kissing her mouth and then her cheek, lips moving to press against her ear. “you, my love. my king.”

she swallowed thickly in quiet response, fingers sliding delicately up your sides. her jaw had locked and her stare had darkened at your words, sudden desire pooling in the pit of her stomach. without speaking, she took your right hand from her face, slowly lowering herself to the floor.

as ellie kneeled before you, knight at heart, yet missing her armor, she raised the back of your palm to her mouth. she brushed her lips against your hand, the contact sending heat straight to your core.

“however you want me, you shall have me.”

© luvsellie 2023 | do not repost, republish, steal, or translate !!

[willcmsv]

Late night talking kissing — Ellie Williams x Fem!reader

• —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Synopsis: you and Ellie didn’t really get along together. She was grumpy and stubborn, and every time you find yourself next to her, you can’t help but feel embarrassed. This night, Abby Anderson threw a party at her house, party you were invited to. At almost 2am, you needed some air and you went out in Abby’s garden to relax, when you saw someone smoking a little further.

Warnings: some strong language, strong tension but no smut.

Note: feel free to recommend me fics ideas!

Read to inform yourself!

• —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

“I guess I have company.” The person said, taking a puff.

“Who are you?!” You jumped from the unexpected meeting.

“Don’t act like you don’t know.”

You squeezed your eyes to try to see the person better, although the little light that illuminated the garden was not enough to distinguish who it was.

You tried to concentrate on the voice you found kind of familiar. No, it couldn’t be… Ellie.

“Gosh… do you follow me or what?” You answer, pissed off already.

“You wish.” She answered.

You rolled your eyes. Among all the people attending the party, the person you bumped into had to be her.

You hated how nonchalant she was and how superior she felt compared to you, but you couldn’t help but be attracted to her in a way.

At university, you were always caught up staring at her tattooed and muscular arms. You dreamt of these same arms interlacing you.

“What’s that dress for?” She suddenly asked.

“It’s pretty on me.” You coldly answer, knowing she only asked you this to criticize it afterward.

You feel her gaze on me, examining every inch of your body. The dress you were wearing was black with flared transparent sleeves. The piece of clothes was long and silky, but highlighted your body.

Her stare is not leaving your body, and you felt like it was brushing you, despite the distance.

“Do you plan on trying to impress someone?” She questioned, blowing out her smoke.

You sigh. How stubborn she could be.

“Maybe I do, but it’s none of your business.”

You could finally see her face more clearly. She has the same haircut as every day, and she was having a smirk on her face. The smirk she always have. The smirk that makes you want to shove off her face.

“Is it Abby Anderson?” She replied, chuckling under her breath. “I saw you checking her out before.”

You immediately raise your eyebrows. Why would she say that?! Also, why did she notice you staring at her while you were only thanking Abby to have invited her.

But you began to feel in the mood, the mood to tease her.

“That’s an interesting question.” You answered, uninterested.

She chortled again. Feeling amused by the situation because she well know you’re as pertinacious as her.

“Abby is not as good as you think.” She explained.

“What makes you say that?” You frown your eyebrows.

Ellie approaches you so that you’re now only at a few centimeters from her. She blows her smoke on the other side, then comes closer to my ear.

“Every girl who entered Abby’s room, came out crying.” She murmured.

You laughed ironically.

“That’s your version? Because I heard the same about you.”

Ellie’s eyebrow raise.

“Oh yeah? Except I’m probably better than her.” She replied arrogantly.

“Be careful, your ankles are swelling.”

Ellie bites her lips and crash her cigarette onto the floor before saying:

“Are you trying to make me jealous or what?”

Your eyes widen as your cheeks redden.

“N-no.” You keep trying to stand up to her.

Before seeing what would Ellie react to this, you already know you lose. You always wanted to annoy her, and it worked, but she always knew how to distract you.

She approaches her hand from my waist that she pull to bring me closer to her. The action made you slightly jump, but you accepted what was happening.

“You thought talking about Abby would make me feel bad? You’re so pathetic, Y/n…” She whispered. “However, I’m mad now, and that dress you’re wearing is fucking distracting me.” She pinched harder on your waist.

She pulled your hand to get you up and bring you somewhere more private. You both headed to the corner of the house, where she pinned you against the wall.

“Oh, princess… you can’t talk now?” She nonchalantly said. “It’s not what you were expecting, huh?”

Her hand lower to your thighs. She lifted it and wrapped it up around her pelvis.

Your body immediately heated up from the situation. Ellie made you feel a certain way, and she was the only one who could put you in such a situation.

Her face went closer to yours and when your lips almost touched, she froze. She waited for your approval before crashing her lips against yours.

She was kissing you roughly, as if it was a need for her. Several sighs escaped your mouth while she was sliding her hand underneath your dress.

“Fuck.” She hummed in your ear.

Her lips moved down to your neck that she kissed, leaving few marks.

“Does Abby make you feel better than me?” She asked, hoarsely.

You moved your head in order to answer to her question because of how breathless you were because of the sensation of her lips against your neck.

“Nuh uh, use your words Y/l/n.” She ordered.

“No…” You replied, quietly.

Her hand left the inside of your dress to rest on your chest. She was rubbing her fingers onto it while kissing your neck aggressively.

Both of your body were glued to each other. You could fell hers on yours, which was heating your body even more.

Your moans became suddenly louder because of Ellie’s movements.

“Ellie…” You whimpered.

Her face was close to yours, kissing you deeply on yours lips. Suddenly, the French-window that lead to the garden opened, making you and Ellie jump.

She licked her lips while looking at me with a mischievous grin.

“Don't be sad, love, we're not finished.” She whispered before coming back inside.

934 words - Thank you for reading this oneshot!

[polaroidpascal]

paradise city || joel miller

AO3 || MASTERLIST || FREE PALESTINE

pairing : guitarist!joel x f!reader

summary : when you and your friends go out to a bar to see a local band gig, you can’t help but notice how the guitarist’s eyes somehow keep finding you in the crowd.

tags : M-18+, no use of y/n, no outbreak AU, i imagine joel is in his early 40s, no age gap mentioned, mention of reader’s breakup, mentions of alcohol consumption, joel starts off a little shy but truly there ain’t nothing shy about this man, size kink (kinda?? a little bit??) oral (f! and m! receiving), unprotected p in v sex, dom!joel, joel gets a little possessive (you’ll see what i mean…), praise kink, squirting, multiple orgasms, creampie, aftercare ofc

fic playlist : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0afpHjoOFylI01OTbV5jol (picture joel playing during the guitar solos in every single one of these songs 😁)

WC : 7.9k… (no one look at me. not a single soul.)

a/n : 100 FOLLOWER SPECIAL !! i apologize in advance for all the song lyrics i’ve scattered in this fic… i opted to make a playlist of the songs i think joel’s band would play but there were just too many good ones to pass up and i was losing it a little bit 🫠 also, shoutout to @joelsdagger for constantly yapping with me about this idea and letting me tease her about this absolute menace of a man and also @haileymorelikestupid for beta reading for me 🥹😭 it feels extremely fitting to post a joel fic on international women’s day where he fucks you so good, so i hope y’all enjoy !! <3

You and your friends have had a week. 

Deciding you all needed a night to let loose and have fun together, your friend Erica found out about this place hosting a local rock cover band called Fetters Whiskey and thought it might be nice to come see them.

Earlier, you had all piled into the Uber and were headed out, a low girly chatter filling the car. The three in the back harped on about their spouses and all the little things that annoyed them. 

“He left the dishes in the drying rack!” “She helped me clean a little too well and used all the cleaner, now we’re all out!”

The complaining did help them destress a bit.

You and Erica were in the second row captain’s chairs of the car, the three in the back doing their pregame de-stressing. “Makes you rethink the whole marriage fantasy, huh?” she jokes, looking over at you playing with the rings on your fingers. 

You look up and breathe a laugh. “Yeah, I guess so,” you say with a weak smile.

“Well… have you had any luck finding anyone?” she asks sweetly, sincerely. Genuinely hoping someone has caught your eye.

You had a pretty nasty breakup a while ago, probably about eight months by now. You two had been dating for a while and the breakup honestly seemed to come out of nowhere, like some switch flipped one day and nothing was really the same. Your friends stuck by you through every up and down you had. You felt really lucky to have them.

“No. not yet,” you tell her.

“Well, maybe tonight’s your night,” she says with a friendly smile. “You deserve to unwind and let loose a little, y’know what I mean?” You breathe another laugh. “You do!” she exclaims, hitting your shoulder.

“Yeah, well, I guess we’ll see,” you say, the rest of the car ride seeming to fly by, a part of you kinda hoping she’s right.

The bar is crowded. 

You walk in, snaking the group between the crowd and making your way near the stage towards the back of the bar, men and women alike all brushing bodies the closer you get to the stage, drinks in hand, friends chattering away, everyone waiting for the show. 

Two of your coworkers disappear to fetch everyone a drink while you and the others stake claim on a little area near the stage. A couple of guys are on the stage setting up the instruments and making sure everything is plugged in right, the lights dimmed enough to not really draw much attention to them. It’s not long before the others join them on stage and start playing. The girls return just in time, handing out the drinks as the music starts.

The band is pretty good (you’re not sure what you were expecting, but you’re more than pleased with how good they sound). They play some fan favorites like Wanted Dead or Alive and I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll, and they mix in some random fun songs like Play That Funky Music. 

The drummer is clearly in his own world, head moving at a velocity you would think could give him whiplash. And he’s absolutely killing it, hitting every beat with fervor. You can feel the strikes of the sticks on his drums in the center of your chest. 

Another guy seems to be the swiss army knife musician: pretty good at almost everything, filling in wherever he’s needed depending on the song. One minute, he’s playing his keyboard and the next, he’s busting out a trumpet, and the next, he’s busting out a guitar. And no matter what he’s playing, he’s playing it with passion. 

The lead singer clearly loves all of the attention he gets. He’s feeding off the crowd’s energy like a cat lounging in the sunlight, basking in every cheer and whistle and fist pumping in the air from the crowd. He practically lives at the edge of the stage, crouching down to sing with the girls but backing up to sing and dance with his bandmates too, bringing them in on some of the harmonies and tying the whole show together.

But by far the unsung hero of this group is the lead guitarist. He hides off to the corner, leg posted up on his amp with the body of his guitar resting slightly on his thigh. He looks down at the instrument carefully watching his fingers strum each cord perfectly, furrowing his brow in concentration during his solos and lifting his head up to the sky. He looks like he feels every note in his blood, expressing it through the expert strum of his fingertips on the strings. He doesn’t have a mic and the singer doesn’t make him sing alongside him very much, but you catch him mouthing all the words and getting into the singing as well. 

He’s a particularly pretty man and your eyes linger on him more than the others, always finding their way back to him, and always during the more raunchy lines of the different songs…

Well, I am imagining // A dark lit place // Or your place on my place

I’ma paint his town red // Then paint his wife white

But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears // By now, no doubt we’re heading south // I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth

…but who can blame you when he has such a reserved, cool vibe. Plus, did you mention that he’s really pretty too?

And maybe it’s the couple of drinks getting to you more than you thought, or maybe you’re just crazy, but it seems like every time you look at him, he’s looking away from you. Like he’d been staring and you caught him. You swear he starts to look ever so slightly more flushed, but it’s practically impossible to see with the colored lights flooding the scene. No, you think, that’s crazy. You’re standing in a crowd of people, there’s no way he—

“Hey, I think the guy on lead guitar keeps checking you out!” Erica exclaims over the loud music and singing crowd.

You turn and look at her, eyebrows raised before you turn back to the stage. He does it again, averting his gaze the second he sees you look and you feel a flutter in your chest. He really is checking me out, huh?

You keep staring at him, waiting for him to look back in hopes that you’re looking away. When he lets his eyes wander back to you, you’re still staring. This time, though, he doesn’t look away. His eyes won’t let him now that you’ve caught his attention — like a fly in a spider web.

He turns his body ever so slightly, facing your direction more than anyone else as he plays the rest of the song. The lights focus on him, colorful spotlights of red and blue illuminating his face as he positively shreds his guitar solo. His fingers expertly tap dance across the neck of his guitar, his other hand working double time to strum on beat and hit every single note. You watch in a complete daze as he finishes, sealing off his musical escapade with the smuggest wink right to you.

He put on a show. All just for you.

Something stirs in your belly, a low heat kindling as the band continues to play. Their next song — god, their next song… — really puts the icing on the cake.

The jack of all trades band member busts out a sound board, the sampled sound of a snare drum filling the space, a warped, funky-sounding instrumental following.

You let me violate you // You let me desecrate you // You let me penetrate you // You let me complicate you

The guitarist shares a mic with the guy on the sound board, offering back-up vocals for the song. He’s getting a little bold now, you think.

I broke apart my insides // (Help me) I’ve got no soul to sell // (Help me) the only thing that works for me // Help me get away from myself

He’s locked eyes with you the whole time, changing the tides of who is winning this staring battle for dominance. Each second his gaze stays on you, you feel smaller and smaller, completely at his mercy. He backs away from the mic, preparing to play and licking his lips in a manner obviously made to make you even dizzier than you already are.

I wanna fuck you like an animal  // I wanna feel you from the inside  // I wanna fuck you like an animal // My whole existence is flawed // You get me closer to God

He glances back at you from his guitar, a smirk decorating his face before he turns to keep playing the song. You’re in a complete daze. He’s clearly won this battle, and you don’t even know what to do with yourself anymore.

You have to have this man.

Erica caught a some of his little show for you, watching him wink at you and the way your features fell to a focused stare at him. “Girl, get a room next time!” she teases and all you can do is smile back.

When the set is over, you and your friends walk back towards the bar, not wanting to leave just yet. You claim a few of the tiny standing tables, again gathered with Erica at one while the other girls try to cluster around another.

“So…” she starts, giving you a look of anticipation.

“So…?”

“What the hell was going on between you and that guitarist?” she asks, her tone of voice high with excitement.

You laugh, looking down and shrugging your shoulders. “I honestly have no idea,” you say, shaking your head and blushing a little thinking about his little performance. “I thought I was crazy until you said something.”

“Well, whatever it was, you should go for him!” she encourages.

“Please,” you scoff and laugh, “you’re ridiculous.”

“No, I’m serious! While you were having your little… whatever you were having, I was watching the whole band, and the other guys weren’t doing what he did. And he didn’t look at anyone else the way he looked at you.”

You stare at her, a blush creeping up on your cheeks and that small fire in your belly growing a little bigger, a little hotter.

Erica looks up over your shoulder, “Oh my gosh, there they are!”

As if on cue, the band walks through one of the back doors. Having just put away their instruments and whatever other equipment they brought. They saunter in, hair wet from the sweat of performing and lifting all their stuff back into their van. Trailing behind the rest is that damn guitarist. He scans the crowd before he sees you, his expression opening with a bit of an urgency as he quickly finds the bar to grab a beer.

You turn back to Erica, mouth dry and nervous. “Please, you have to go talk to him,” she practically begs.

“No, I- I can’t. I don’t even know what to say,” you plead. “I’m so out of practice.”

“Oh, quit it. I saw you looking at him first. You had him going before he got bold with you. You still have game, go get that man!” she says.

“I don’t know, Erica—” you start, but youre quickly caught off by a tap to your shoulder. You turn around and it’s him.

“Hi,” you say, desperately trying to hide the nerves threatening your vocal chords and smile genuinely at him.

“Hi there,” he says. God, his voice is so deep. You couldn’t hear it in all of its beauty before, but it has a bass to it that rumbles in your bones.

You stare blankly at him for a second before you finally pipe up, “Um, that was a good set you guys played.”

“Thank you,” he chuckles, looking down at his beer and leaning against the edge of the table.

Erica watches with wide eyes before announcing, “Well, I’m empty. I’m gonna go get a refill, okay?” She winks as she walks away leaving you and this mysterious guitarist alone together.

You turn your gaze back to him and fully take in his features now. His eyes have their own glow to them that persists even with the dim stage lights littered around this bar. His hair is patchy from sweat but still sits pretty. His strong features demand your eyes and you’re unable to look anywhere but him.

He extends his hand out to you, “Name’s Joel.”

“Hi, Joel,” you say, shaking his hand and telling him your name. He echoes it and it sounds beautiful off his tongue. “Listen, I--”

“Y’know, you’ve got one of those faces that stands out in a crowd, anyone ever told you that?”

You shake your head, “No, not necessarily.”

“Well trust me, we’ve played our share of shows and none of them had a pretty girl like you in the audience catchin’ my eye every two seconds.”

You blush, starting to gather your mind back from the sudden thrust into a conversation with who you think might be the prettiest man you’ve ever seen in your life now that you’ve had time to really study his features up close. “You’re no different yourself,” you offer.

“How so?”

“I’m just saying, you’d think the prettiest member would be the one front and center, not tucked in a corner by an amp.”

His eyes bounce back and forth between your own not breaking contact as he takes another sip of his beer. “I don’t want just anyone lookin’ my way, I guess. You gotta work to see this pretty face.”

“Pretty, indeed,” you agree, stepping ever so slightly closer to him. “You put on quite a show up there.”

He leans down just a bit, closing the gap between the two of you even more, “Well, I did have quite the eager audience, didn’t I?” he asks.

You stare at each other for a moment before Joel starts, never breaking eye contact, “Listen, I don’t really do this… but I also don’t get distracted like I did tonight…”

You inch closer to him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah… your friends bring you here?” he asks and you glance at the other table where Erica lingers around your other friends and they’re all looking your way, trying not to be obvious and failing miserably.

“No, we took an Uber.”

“Well, what do you say to savin’ that money you’d pay for an Uber and lettin’ me take you home instead?”

Am I really gonna do this?, you think. Call it a gut feeling or whatever you may want, but the way Joel is looking at you, the way he put on a show just for you, how he spotted you in the crowd to strike up a conversation… Erica did say I need to unwind and let loose…

You grin back at him, “Whose home are we talking about?” you ask.

“I think you know, darlin’,” his tone drops low and deep.

A shiver runs up your spine, that ever-growing fire in your belly burning hotter and hotter. “Come on,” he says, taking your hand in his, making it look miniscule in comparison, and walks you towards the back door he came through earlier. You glance back to the bar, the girls still watching and Erica flashing you a smile and a thumb’s up.

Joel leads you to his truck, opening the passenger door for you. You see the backseat loaded with what must be his personal equipment before his door creaks open and he sits inside, the whole truck bobbing from the sheer size of this man.

He pulls you closer across the bench seat until your legs are touching, his hand snaking around your waist as you relax against his figure and his hands trace your sides.

“I meant what I said, y’know. That you stand out in a crowd.”

You turn to look at him as he quickly glances at you and you slowly bring your arms up, one landing behind his neck while the other cups his face. You slowly, softly, tenderly kiss the spot where his jaw meets his neck leaving open mouth kisses all over. He tilts his head to the side just a little, humming at the feeling and settling his hand right at the swell of your hip, pulling you even closer into his side and squeezing just a bit.

The drive isn’t long at all. He pulls into a parking spot lining the side of the road and once the car is safely in park, he grabs your face with both hands, kissing you deeply. You hum into his mouth, not expecting the sudden movement, and melt into his lips. His soft, warm lips. Your hands trace his body, the two of you unable to get where you want to be from sitting in this truck.

You pull away from him. “Take me inside.”

He immediately leaves the truck urging you to hop out on his side, offering a hand to help you out but not letting go even typing the code for his apartment and after you walk through the door.

You giggle as he pulls you up the stairs of his complex, the two of you itching to have your hands all over one another. You reach the top and he twirls you around in his grip, grabbing you with one hand by the hip and the other cradling the back of your head. He kisses you with an insatiable hunger, like his life absolutely depends on it, as he backs you up until you’re pinned to the door with his entire body pressed against you. 

He fumbles with his keys for the lock to his apartment door, lips locked onto you, eyes closed, lost in the soft sweetness of your lips. He snakes a hand behind the curve of your back to brace you as the door swings open and he pushes you inside.

Your hands tangle in his hair grabbing the soft, damp strands unable to pull him any closer but wanting every inch of him in your mouth, on your lips, practically in your skin. You bite his lower lip making him moan a little into your mouth and your hands reach around to his face, wanting to stay lost in the ocean of his tongue and cheeks forever.

He pulls you back and you whine, already missing the warmth and taste of his tongue, but your disappointment is short lived. “God, darlin’… Need to have you.” he says, voice low and completely feral as he grabs you under the swell of your ass and you jump into his embrace. Your hands wander back up to his hair, pulling and grabbing as he trails his kisses down your chin, your jaw, your neck, soft sounds escaping his lips with every tug and whimper you give him.

His legs mindlessly take him to his bedroom, knowing the pathway instinctively. His mouth leaves your body for just a moment when plops you down at the edge of the bed, but he’s right back on you in an instant, reaching down to the hem of your top. You lift your arms for him to pull it off and he removes it in one fluid motion. He moves his hands to the clasp of your bra next. “This okay?”

Your chest aches with these little moments of tender sweetness from him and you nod, letting him remove your bra and he does so with skill, not fumbling for even a second as he tosses it to the floor.

His eyes immediately dart down, taking you in. He’s all but drooling, his gaze burning hot against your skin. He sinks to his knees taking one tit in his mouth and sucking on your nipple. Your hands immediately run through his hair holding him onto you and humming at the feel of his mouth on you. His other hand grabs your other tit, massaging it and thumbing your growing bud before redirecting his mouth to the other side too.

His hands drop to your sides and run up along your ribcage trailing towards your back, closing you in and burying his face into your neck peppering kisses and licks and nips there. 

“I gotta have you, baby…” he mutters into your neck. “Lay back on my pillows up there.”

You do as you’re told, lounging against his pillows and the headboard of the bed as he pulls his shirt off over his head and crawls up to meet you, hooking his hands in the belt loops of your jeans. He looks up, his gaze silently asking for permission and you nod. He pulls them down along with your panties in one smooth motion.  

You didn’t think about how worked up you had gotten until your hot core, slick with your arousal, meets the cool air of the room sending a chill across your skin. You watch as Joel’s eyes widen slightly at the sight of you, subconsciously licking his lips and softly grunting at the thought of diving in.

You open your legs wider, inviting him in and he settles between your legs, his arms hooking under your thighs locking you right where he wants you, all spread and open for him.

He immediately gets to work, unable to hold back anymore and expertly licks through your folds. His warm, wet tongue feels amazing on you as it dances across every nerve ending down there, each one sending fireworks across your skin. You whine and lean back, lifting your hips up to meet his mouth and squirming under his face.

His hands gently rub your thighs while he drinks you down, his nose occasionally hitting your clit making you whine. He draws flattened circles with his tongue, the surface area hitting you just right. 

“Yes… fuck yes, that feels so good…” you moan.

He moans back, unwilling to leave you for even a moment and he keeps going. One hand falls from your thigh and you keep yourself open for him as best as you can when you feel his thick, calloused fingers teasing your entrance. He slides his middle finger in easily, so he adds his ring finger too, curling up and finding the softest parts of you. But God, are his fingers huge.

Your walls constrict squeezing his fingers and you leak more slick all over his palm. His other fingers flay across your lips and ass, gripping you slightly and he’s got you locked down. 

His tongue continues at your clit while his fingers pump in and out of you, the tips curling up and stroking you perfectly. 

“Right there, Joel… right there… don’t stop… please, don’t stop…” You feel yourself getting closer and closer, the flame burning in your belly all night erupting into a wildfire and igniting every inch of your skin. You feel a tightness start to grow in your belly, inching down your insides as he keeps going, and going, and going, never letting up and reveling in each twitch of your body.

You look up and see him lying flat, his hips subconsciously moving against his boxers and jeans and sheets, getting himself off just from your taste. Finally, he opens his eyes, dark with lust and locks his gaze with you with one especially deep push and curl of his fingers and another wink. That fucking wink. 

“Fuck… fuck…!” It sends you over the edge. The coil snaps and a warm flood fills your body spilling out onto Joel’s hand and into his waiting mouth. He grunts and whines, his tongue never stopping, not even for a second, as he drinks every ounce of your slick getting drunk on your juices.

He only pulls away when you pull him off by his hair, a single line if your arousal still connecting him to you and a groan leaving his lips as he lets you go. You fall back onto the pillow, legs collapsing from their own weight and twitching from your orgasm, chest heaving as you try to catch your breath.

Joel sits up licking his palm and bringing his fingers up to your mouth, jaw slacked and panting. Your mouth closes around his fingers and he groans, “That’s it, good girl,” he coos and you hum around his digits.

When you fully come back down to Earth, you can’t help but chuckle in the afterglow of your orgasm. Joel rests on his heels gently stroking your knees and you cover your eyes with your forearm, one big sigh leaving your lips. “I guess I should have expected a guitar player to have some skilled fingers,” you joke and Joel chuckles. “That was so fucking good.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not done with you just yet, pretty girl,” Joel teases, holding out his hand to help you sit up. You do and he meets you with a sweet kiss, his hands cupping almost all of your face as he kisses you sweetly.

When he pulls away and you open your eyes, you notice another amp sitting in the corner of the room. This one looks old, unused, and the cable management could use some work, to say the least.

Joel follows your eyeline. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”

“That’s a lot of cables for a little speaker like that,” you say, following the tangled mess of wires scattered on the floor. “Why don’t you use that one?”

“Jus’ got old. Bought a new one and I didnt need it anymore.”

A depraved idea pops in your head and the question leaves your lips before you can even fully think it through. “Those wires… how strong do you think they are?”

Joel looks back at your face, eyebrow cocked up slightly, “What d'ya mean?”

Your bashfulness catches up quick, a shy blush pricking your cheeks. “I mean… just the outside looks braided, almost… it kinda looks like… I don’t know, kinda like a rope…”

His face softens, a look of intrigue spreading across his gaze. “Go on,” he says, his voice dropping impossibly low, dripping with sultry tease.

You look up through your lashes feeling more vulnerable that you have to ask specifically (he seems to love it, though). “Well… I guess, how well do you think they’d hold a knot…?”

He bites back a smirk but can’t quite hide his excitement. “Kinky…” he says with a little nod. “I like it.”

He rises from the bed but he doesn’t turn to grab the wires. Instead, he reaches for his belt, the buckle clinking against itself. “But you gotta earn it first, sweet girl.” He pulls his belt out of the loops of his jeans and tosses it to the side. 

He pauses a second before reaching for the button and zipper, enough time for you to crawl to the foot of the bed and rest your hands on his. You slowly move them away and take over, undoing his button and slowly zipping his pants apart. 

You reach under his groin cupping his covered balls in your hand and he hums. He barely fits in your palm and you salivate at what could be beneath those boxers of his. You look up at him with another gentle squeeze before pulling both down, his cock springing out and up against his lower tummy as he steps out of his pants, the tip already red and leaking.

Your eyes widen when you really take in his size and you salivate. You wrap your hand around him and very slowly pump his length, getting a feel for his size and weight and staring at him the whole time.

He looks down at you, eyes still dark and mouth slightly open. “Go ‘head, baby. Kiss it.”

You feel a flutter in your belly again already and you do as he says, kissing the slit before taking the whole head into your mouth and circling your tongue around it. His eyes roll back and he lifts his head up to the ceiling with a groan, his hand tangling in the hair at the back of your head.

You slowly take him inch by inch making him slick with your spit and using your hand to pump whatever you cant reach. Your other hand gently squeezes his balls and you feel his grip on your hair tighten a bit.

“That’s it, baby… Mouth feels so good f’me…” He starts to slowly push you down his length, taking him deeper and deeper and being careful not to get ahead of himself. 

But then you moan around his length sending lightning up his spine and it feels so fucking good… A guttural groan booms from his chest and he starts to slip, pushing you a little too far a little too fast and you gag, pulling off until it just rests on your bottom lip, spit gathering at his tip and spilling over the corners of your mouth. 

Tears prick the sides of your eyes and his hand reaches down to wipe them away. “Shit— I’m sorry… are you alright?”

You cough and catch your breath, something new and hot burning through your veins. Something about the way he lost all control… “It’s okay, I’m okay,” you say when you pull yourself together a little bit. You wipe the corners of your mouth and reach up to slowly pump his length again. “Let me try again.”

“You sure, darlin’?”

“I’m sure,” you say, looking up through your tear-soaked lashes, a small smile ghosting your lips as you nod. 

He nods back and you take him in your mouth again, closing your eyes and breathing through it, trying to focus on taking as much of him down your throat as you can.

His hands find the back of your head again, not pushing anymore but tangling through your hair as you work.

He looks down and sees your eyes closed, brow furrowed in concentration and taking him so well. He drops a hand back down to your jaw, “Eyes on me, gorgeous.”

You carefully open your eyes to look up at him and when you do, his brows furrow with desperation, unable to look away from you as you bob up and down his length, hands once again pumping the length you can’t reach and massaging his balls.

“Shit, baby… that’s it…” he moans, watching the way your cheeks hollow and lips flush red from taking him. He’s twitching in your mouth and you think you’ve got him, flattening your tongue when he touches the back of your throat and swirling up his length as you pull back.

His abs start to tighten and you taste the slightly salty precum leaking from his tip. You work up the nerve to suppress your gag reflex as best you can, taking a few deep breathes before pushing yourself all the way down, taking his cock up to the hilt.

You stay there, letting your protesting throat constrict around him and he whines, his hand in your hair tightening and making you moan, another bolt of lightning taking over his entire being. His cock jumps in your throat and you think he’s a goner for sure—

He pulls you off his length completely and you gasp for air while he catches his breath too. “Nuh uh, baby. It can’t be over yet,” he says breathlessly.

You pout up at him, your doe eyes almost black from how blown your pupils are.

“Get back on the bed,” he demands.

So you do, rising a little wobbly from your knees and crawling back up onto the bed. Joel walks to the corner of the room and unplugs some of the cords plugged into the old amp. 

He digs around in his nightstand and pulls out a condom before walking back over to the bed where you’re kneeling on the mattress. He sees you eyeing the little packet pinched between his fingers. “What’s th’ matter?”

You look at him, a blush forming on your face. “Oh, I…” Your mouth goes dry and you clear your throat. “…um, you don’t— I mean, I’m on the pill so, um… If you don’t wanna…” you ramble, trying to find your words but failing in your shyness.

He smiles smugly, tossing the condom to the side. “’S okay. I hear you loud and clear.”

You take a relieved breath and watch him stand there as he starts separating the wires. He twirls his finger in the air and you turn your body to face away from him.

“Gimme your hands, darling,” he says, firmly but gently.

You obey, reaching your hands behind your back. His giant hand easily fits both in one grip and he wraps one cable around your wrists.

You can’t help but smile to yourself, facing away from Joel so he can’t see, but you’re sure it’s audibly obvious when you ask “So this must be where the band name came from then, hm?” as he ties a comfortable knot around your wrists.

“What d’ya mean?”

“Fetters. Like restraints. Usually they’re on the ankles but I guess it’s the same principle.”

He breathes a laugh. “I mean, I didn’t help with the name all that much, but I guess ya’ really do learn somethin’ new every day,” he says just as he tightens the loose, but still restrictive, knot around your wrists.

You shimmy in them a little, surprised at how well they hold together. His hands are still there, rubbing over the covering of the cords and brushing against the warmth of your skin.

“These look real pretty on you, y’know,” he mutters from behind you.

You chuckle and ask, “You tell all the groupies that?”

He grabs your chin to face him, eyes scanning over your face for a second and planting a kiss to your lips before a positively devious smirk spreads across his face. Before you know it, he puts his hand on your back gently pushing down so your chest hits the bed. 

“No, I don’t,” he says and you hear his footsteps fade. You sit there, face pressed against the mattress and ass in the air, desperately trying to crane your neck to see where in the world he’s going leaving you like this, all out in the open and exposed.

He treads back into the room and climbs back onto the bed right behind you, calves brushing up against the inside of your own as he grabs your hips to straighten them.

“I don’t tell the groupies nothin’,” he starts. “Usually jus’ ask if they want an autograph.”

The unmistakable click of a Sharpie cap rings in your ears and you feel the cold tip of the pen dragging along the skin right below the small of your back. You gasp, surprised at the unexpected feeling, completely shocked at the sheer audacity of this man, and you can’t help the butterflies it gives you, the way you mewl so quietly at the thought of him marking you with his name — his signature, no less — in such an intimate place.

You need to find a way to keep this man.

The pen trails off at the end and he recaps the marker, tossing it somewhere to the side before you feel his hands smoothing over your hips. He lets out a low toned, one-note whistle at you, staring at the dark ink branding your lower back. “Now, what a pretty view I have,” he says, a tantalizing, saccharine sweet tone lacing his words.

You can’t hold back the whimper that falls from your mouth at his teasing, his big warm hands rubbing big circles over each cheek. 

He sees you clenching around nothing. “Want me to fuck you now, sweet girl?”

“Yes, please,” you whine, earning you a light tap on your ass.

He pulls on the cords and wraps an arm around your torso, bringing you up flush to his torso and reaching a hand to your mouth. “Gimme some help.”

You spit into his hand and he hums in content. “Atta girl,” he says, gently laying you back down and pumping his length with the wetness. You feel the tip of his cock rub against your folds and you squirm. He grabs your hip with his free hand as he lines himself up to notch right at your entrance. He slowly pushes just the tip in, the pressure making you moan.

“I gotcha, baby. Jus’ relax f’me,” he coos, pushing inch by inch into you letting you adjust to his size. Your walls twitch at the intrusion and your breathing gets heavier, soft sounds escaping your lips. Eventually, he’s up to the hilt and you swear you can feel him in your lungs. You subconsciously swirl your hips, the movement inside making you whine.

“Shit, baby… so fuckin’ tight…” Joel breathes, squeezing your hips and trying not to lose his cool too quickly. His cock bounces and he grunts, taking a minute before slowly pulling out of you as you whine at the loss. It’s short lived, though, because he’s immediately pushing back into you, the stretch and burn pulling a desperate groan from your throat. 

“Fuck yeah, baby. You like how that feels?” he moans, picking up the pace slightly with each thrust. 

“Yes— fuck, feels so good…” you moan. The way his cock drags along your walls makes your belly burn hot. His grip on your hips tight and threatening to bruise if he squeezes any harder, but you couldn’t care less. Just another way for him to mark you as his.

“Squeezin’ my cock so good… she’s achin’, baby…” He’s very talkative, you think and decide to play into it. 

“She’s all yours, Joel. Pussy belongs to you,” you say as you squeeze him again, the pressure in your belly growing with each gentle kiss to your cervix that his tip gives you. 

You feel his pace falter for a second, his grip tightening at that. “Yeah? Say it again. Who’s she belong to?” he says, pounding into you now, unable to keep control of his pace anymore.

You whine loudly with one of his thrusts when he drags up a bit hitting something new inside of you, something your ex surely hadn’t ever found before. Something you definitely had on your own but never this deep…

“Theeere it is,” he coos, pressing your torso down some more to get the angle just right and he’s hitting that soft, spongy part of you with every snap of his hips. You can barely form the words to tell him how fucking good it feels, nonsense whimpers leaving your mouth instead.

“Answer me, baby… Belongs to who?” His pace doesn’t let up and you can’t get the words out. “C’mon, you can do it, gorgeous… tell me…” he insists, slowly rubbing his hand across his own signature that’s been staring back at him.

“Sh… fuck, oh my god… she belongs to you, Joel…”

“That’s my good girl,” he says, leaning down and planting kisses down your spine, snaking a hand around to your front and circling your clit.

You cry out in pleasure, all the sensations getting to be too much. A flood of wetness spills out with a twitch of your insides making Joel’s cock slippery, letting him push in and pull out easier than before. He picks up his pace again with ease, rapidly hurdling you towards the edge.

My good girl…

That one little word finally hits you after a minute. 

My.

His unrelenting fingers on your clit… the way his tip hits your cervix with every snap of his hips… my good girl… it’s all too much. “Fuck… fuck… fuck, ‘mgonnacome…” you mumble in a high pitched whine.

“Fuck yes, baby… come all over my cock, that’s it… feels so fuckin’ good, darlin’…” he moans from behind you, the grip on your hips definitely bruising now as he keeps pounding into you. Your back arches and your whole body writhes as your walls squeeze him impossibly tight. Your vision blurs and you have no control over the downright pornographic sounds escaping your mouth. All you feel is warmth everywhere.

“Holy shit—” you hear Joel but he sounds far away, your head still spinning with pleasure. “Fuckin’ hell, baby…” When you feel like you can finally see again, you see a wet spot on the bed and your eyes go wide, quickly craning your head around as best you can and see Joel’s thighs soaked from you.

“Oh, shit— I-I’m sorry, oh my fucking god, I didn’t meant—” you stop mid sentence when Joel plows into you again bottoming out completely, your words trailing off into a wailing moan.

He drags out slowly but quickly regains his momentum. “Fuck, baby… Chokin’ my dick so good… So. Fucking. Hot,” he says, punctuating his words with the slap of his hips on your ass.

Your legs start to give out under you and it’s like Joel already knows you’re almost too gone to take anymore as he unties the knot at your wrists, your arms falling to the bed. He flips you over, managing to stay inside, and lays you on your back. Your hair lays messily on the pillow and Joel leans down to fix it, tracing his fingers along the side of your face and kissing you deeply.

When he pulls away, he stares at your fucked-out eyes, his own completely taken over by his pupils so much that you can barely tell what color they actually are anymore. “Baby, you gotta give me one more…” he begs.

You raise your eyebrows worriedly, unsure if you can actually take anymore. You whine at his ask and he gives you another quick kiss, resting his forehead against your own when he pulls away, your lips barely touching. He’s moving in and out of you at a snail’s pace, so close to his own orgasm that any extra movement would cause him to snap. “Please, baby, I know you can do it. Doin’ so good for me already, just one more…”

You nod weakly and stare through hooded eyes. “Thank you, angel,” he sighs, gently fucking into you a little quicker and peppering kisses at the corners of your mouth. Your hands trail up to his shoulders rubbing up and down on his soft skin. Forehead pressed to yours again, you feel him panting, small moans and whimpers filling your ears.

“Feel so good…” you use all your strength to whimper out, barely above a whisper. His eyes open, brows furrowed in desperation. You feel him twitching hard now, so close to his own orgasm but not wanting this to end.

“S’good, Joel… so big…” He whimpers at your words, his hips moving erratically, unpredictably. He’s close, you think. And it eggs you on.

“Want you to come for me… Please…”

“Yeah? You want it?” he breathes. 

“Please…” you say again in a whimper, grabbing his face in your hands.

“Where, baby? Want it inside?”

“Yes, inside… please, please, please…” you beg.

“Come with me baby… wanna feel you squeezin’ me… fuck— c-can you do that?”

You whine and nod, having been teetering on the edge of overstimulation with another orgasm growing in your belly. You roll your hips slightly into him, the extra movement sending shivers down your spine.

“So close, baby, I can feel it… ‘s right there, she’s chokin’ me…” he grunts out, painfully holding back his own until you come undone under him again.

Which doesn’t take long, a flutter of your heart and one big wave of arousal covering you from head to toe making you see stars. Your mouth opens in a silent moan, unable to even make a sound as you come on his length all over again.

“Fuck… fuck… good girl, ‘m gonna come—”

Joel’s breathing quickens, becoming ragged and broken as he grunts and whines and spills inside of you. His lips press to your forehead suppressing his noises with kisses there as he empties himself inside of you, filling you up completely.

Your hands scrape his back at his shoulders, your senses all blurring into one another. Joel’s weight falls on top of you as he moves his kisses down from your forehead to your nose and finally to your lips, his tongue licking into you as you feel his cock finally stop twitching. He sits back to pull out of you watching as his cum leaks out of you. You whine at the loss feeling empty but still so full from him, shivering as you feel it dripping down your body.

Joel wipes his sweat-ridden brow and sighs with a goofy smile as he looks down at you. Your body is still jolting from your last orgasm. Any more and you would have been overstimulated beyond belief.

“Now that I definitely don’t do with the groupies, sweetheart,” he teases.

You give him a playful glare and chuckle at him. “What about all that autograph nonsense, then?”

“Well, you got the first of its kind. Never signed anyone there before.”

You blush and stretch a little, suddenly feeling that damp spot from earlier. You sit up in panic and sit back leaning against his pillows again. “Shit, Joel. I’m so sorry. That’s never happened before, I—”

“Stop,” he cuts you off. “Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for. Sheets can be washed.”

“But I made a mess—”

“C’mere, baby,” he says, extending a hand out to you. You take it and he pulls you towards him, both of you on your knees facing each other as his arm snakes around your torso pulling you even closer into him. “‘M gonna get you cleaned up, ‘kay? Got a spare bedroom we can use anyway.”

You stare into his eyes, his words bouncing around in your head. We can use. “We?” you ask.

He scrunches his eyebrows, raising one at you. “What, you wanna run away already? Was it that bad?” he jokes.

“Oh, quit,” you say, playfully hitting his shoulder.

“Okay, okay,” he laughs, standing up at the end of the bed and holding his arms out to you. “C’mon, pretty girl, how’s a warm bath sound, hm?”

“Sounds amazing, actually.” You grab his hands and stand up, taking a second to get your balance before following Joel to the bathroom.

When you’re all cleaned up, you walk into his living room wearing one of his t-shirts, a pair of his boxers, and some very oversized socks that he left in the bathroom for you to change into, towel drying the rest of your hair so it's not dripping everywhere. He sits on his couch, fresh pajamas on and dampened hair from the shower he took in the other smaller bathroom.

He taps the space next to him inviting you to sit, TV on and low, playing some random movie he found to fill the silence around him while waiting for you. You curl up into him, you warm from your bath and him warm from relaxing. He squeezes you close, planting a kiss to the top of your head.

Erica was right. You really did need this. Maybe it's stupid that you're growing so fond of this guy and you've known him for just a night, but there really is something about him. Something you can't quite explain...

You spend the rest of the night curled up next to Joel, your entire being content and you can only think one thing:

You’re not letting this one go easily. This one’s gonna be yours.

All yours.

a/n : thank y'all again so much for 100 followers, it means so much seriously 💜🫶🥹 and thank you for reading this fic that absolutely got away from me in the end, this idea tortured me for weeks and hopefully letting him out into the world will give me some peace finally 😭 but really, thank you guys so much and i hope everyone enjoys !!

[urbancowboyjoel]

Strum | Joel Miller One Shot

Joel teaches you how to play the guitar

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Warnings/Tags: It's pretty much just fluff... maybe a warning for Joel Miller in general; no mention of outbreak; no real descriptors for reader; Joel calls reader sweetheart; some pg-13 touching (kind of ?)

Please let me know if you think there should be any additional tags or warnings! I try my best to tag appropriately, but sometimes things slip past me. :)

A/N: I've had this idea in my mind for so long, so naturally I had to write something up. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!

My requests are open! I would love the writing practice as well as to interact with all of you lovely beings. Feel free to drop one in my inbox... click here!

“You made these?” you directed the question to Joel, dragging your index finger along the polished wood. Three finished guitars, all of various colors of wood, were leaning up against a wall. The sunlight leaking through the front window gleamed off the smooth surfaces, casting stark shadows across the floorboards and walls.

Mhmm, he hummed in response, positioning himself behind you. The heat of his body clung to your exposed skin making a shiver spider-crawl down your spine. A small smile formed on your face as it often did when you were with Joel.

Slowly turning to face him, butterflies began to form deep in your core. Your eyes were met with his worn red and brown flannel, the top few buttons undone to show a sliver of tanned skin and chest hair. The sleeves had been rolled neatly just below his elbow leaving his muscled forearms well exposed. When you finally brought yourself to stop marveling over the man before you, you were met with an obvious smirk plastered on Joel’s face.

“You like what you see?” Joel’s tone was soft yet playful. He brought his hand up to your bicep, his rough hands scratching against your smooth skin. Your stomach lurched at the sensation.

You let out a small scoff, flattening your palm firmly against his chest and pushed him away, bearing your teeth in a playful disgust. Joel knew he was your weakness and used it to his advantage every chance he got. Oftentimes, it is in the form of words; teasing remarks, innuendos…

“I was talkin’ about the guitars,” he tried his best to sound innocent. You simply ignored him as you leaned down looking closer at the wooden grain and the intricate detail Joel put into each guitar.

“I always wanted to learn to play,” you stated and you rose to your feet, now focusing on the unfinished one propped up on the work table. The body was unfinished and the half-crafted neck laid at its side. “Life sorta…”

You trailed off, your words came out near silent.

Joel came up to your side, looking down at you with soft and tired eyes.

“Let me teach you,” he said, nothing short of pure joy gleaming in his dark eyes.

“Now?” you immediately shot back, Joel was already heading past you. Turning slowly on your heel, you watched his smooth movements.

“Yes, now,” he matched your tone.

Joel walked over to two of the guitars leaning up against the wall, grabbing them by their necks before turning back to you. He outstretched the darker of the two, slightly smaller than the other, to you. You grabbed it with both your hands, holding it very gently in your arms.

He motioned for you to follow him with his head as he tucked his guitar under his arm, gliding across the room.

Joel pulled the two chairs that sat near the door to the middle of the room, one right across from the other. As he took a seat in his chair, he motioned for you to do the same.

You mimicked his posture; both feet flat against the floor, the body of the guitar supported by one knee, one arm draped over the front with your hand barely hovering over the strings and the other hand loosely holding onto the neck.

Joel cleared his throat signaling the start of your lesson. Seeing him so serious nearly made you giggle. You had to bite onto the inner part of your cheek to prevent any sound from slipping past your lips.

“Let’s start with…” he dragged out the last word, screwing his eyes toward the baren ceiling, thinking. “Let’s start with a C chord.”

His fingers began to dance along the fretboard causing you to lean forward in your chair and watch him closely. You glanced up at his face which was pinched tight with concentration. The corners of your lips twitch upward to which you purse your lips, trying to remain serious.

You blinked once, bringing your focus back to the lesson, and began to mimic his finger position. Index, middle, and ring fingers all lined up, the tips of your fingers firmly pressed against the strings.

“Good,” Joel said, reaching over to slightly adjust your wrist into a less tense, more comfortable position. “Keep your elbow loose. Okay, now strum with the pad of your thumb over the strings–leave the first one out.”

He brushed his thumb along the strings and the room filled with a melodious sound. Clear and bright sounding.

Curving your posture over your guitar to watch your movements better, you did the same as Joel and ran your thumb along the strings.

The sound was muted and hollow, a buzzing sound reverberated through the air. Joel let out a small chuckle, softly hitting his palm against the side of his instrument.

“Not quite the same,” Joel cocked his head to the side, trying not to wince at the sound. He extended one arm toward you to stop the vibration of the strings with the palm of his hand. “But… almost—everyone starts somewhere.”

A heat rose in your cheeks as the embarrassment hovered around you like a warm blanket. You slid your hand around the curved edge of the wood, pushing the guitar outward to Joel.

“Maybe it’d be best if you played, and I just listened,” you said with a tinge of uneasiness in your tone. Joel immediately shook his head, pushing the guitar back onto your lap.

“No, no,” he said as he readjusted himself on the chair, moving more toward the edge than before. “You wanted to learn, so you will learn.”

The firmness in his words made your core ignite with heat. All you could bring yourself to do was nod, your lips slightly parted as if words would eventually follow your gesture.

You let out a soft cough as your lungs tightened, returning to your previous posture and positioning your hands again. Joel gave you a reassuring nod when you glanced up at him, seeking any sort of indication you were doing alright.

“Put more pressure against the strings with the tips of your fingers,” he continued. His tone was tight with focus. “That’s how you’ll get a clear sound.”

You gave him a half nod, now focused on the guitar and following Joel’s instructions.

“It feels like the strings are going to slice my fingers open,” you looked up at him through your brows, withdrawing your hand from the fretboard. A frown began to form on your face when your focus shifted to the red and swollen indents on your fingers.

“They’ll toughen up over time,” Joel responded softly. He moved his guitar between his legs, carefully observing you. “Come here, sweetheart.”

Your body responded to the words before your mind processed them.

Setting the guitar flat on the ground off to your side, you padded the short few feet that separated you and Joel. He moved the guitar, holding it out to his side before looking at you with a roguish smile.

As you pinned your eyebrows together as a way to say what, he tapped his lap–once, twice. You rolled your eyes playfully, rounding your shoulders as you took your seat.

“Teaching purposes,” he said quietly in the crook of your neck, provoking a small giggle from you.

“Right.” You responded breathily.

You couldn’t see Joel’s face but you could feel the presence of his beaming smile from the proximity. The butterflies in your stomach quickly reemerged.

He readjusted himself in the chair, one hand pressed against your stomach to keep you from sliding off of him, before swinging the guitar back in front of the two of you. You had no idea how this was going to work, nor what Joel had in mind. But you did as he said.

Joel held the neck of the guitar in his left hand, the bottom half of the guitar balancing on the remaining bit of his knee that was free. Without saying anything, he grabbed your wrist and positioned your hand in front of the sound hole, your thumb hovering over the strings. Joel then positioned his fingers along the fretboard into a C chord once again and his free hand was looped around your waist, resting where your hip and thigh met, his index fingers softly trailing up, up–

“Hey,” your body tensed up as you wriggled under his touch. You tried to turn your torso to shoot a narrow-eyed glare at Joel, but he pinned you against him. “Watch it.”

“Yes ma’am,” was all he could manage to get out, a laugh contained in his short response.

“Strum,” he requested through a small laugh and you immediately obliged. The strings felt like feathers beneath your thumb and the melodious tune filled your ears. You and Joel looked at each other with a hint of a smile on your faces.

“Your turn,” Joel whispered, his breath trailing down the side of your neck. Your breathing hitched at the sensation it sent crawling down your spine, spider webbing throughout your skin. Another small chuckle came from Joel’s throat to which he tried to cover with a small cough, his other hand now finding a home on your hip.

“Like this?” you questioned as your fingers curled, the pressure caused your fingers to tremble against the fretboard and your wrist felt awkward. Something wasn’t quite right.

Joel rested his chin in the crook of your neck as he peered down to look. Again, he repositioned your wrist, correcting your finger position afterward. A small kiss on the side of your neck was his way of telling you to strum.

Not quite as bright and clear as Joel’s, but this attempt sounded much better than your first.

Joel wrapped his hands around your midsection, lovingly squeezing you. His face was buried against your back, the heat of his chin warming your chilled skin.

“Beautiful,” his words were muffled.

green divider - @saradika

reblog divider - @vase-of-lilies

[heartpascal]

if the door wasn’t shut

▹— joel miller x platonic!f!reader

▹— summary: months of travelling with joel and ellie come crashing down on you, the fear is suffocating.

▹— a/n: i don’t like the second half of this one D: but i made you guys wait long enough so i apologise!!! been super busy so this is v rushed but i hope you enjoy nonetheless

▹— warnings: angst, loss of loved ones, tlou ep 5/6 spoilers, father figure joel, reader is really scared, not proofread

masterlist | PART TWO

howl’s song associations!

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Had you known that those days in Boston QZ would’ve been the last peaceful ones for a long time, you think you might’ve treasured them more. Held them closer, let the edges sharpen when you thought of them, rather than seeing only blurred images, the memories faded.

You wouldn’t have believed it if somebody had told you. The life you lived in Boston was flawed, at best, but it was your life. Filled with violence and bloodshed, sure, but there were things you could control. Things that Joel and Tess had always made sure you could control.

Out in the wide world, the facade of control that the two adults had always kept up crumbled to dust in your hands, lost to Infected and hunters and shelters in the strangest places.

It was a difficult shift in your reality, and you tried to hide it from Joel. He had already given you so much, hell, he and Tess had provided you with a home, even when they had no obligation to do so. You owed them more than your life.

When you had met Ellie, you immediately disliked her. She grated on you, her biting words and humorous comments doing nothing but fueling your growing dislike of her. She was childish — she acted her age, showed her fear, and it was something you just couldn’t understand. You were far too used to closing down the emotion behind your eyes, to shutting away all of your baggage in a box deep in your mind.

It had worn you down, eventually. Hating her was much harder than you expected it to be, especially when she looked at you for the understanding she knew you possessed. You even watched as Joel softened up to her, far faster than he had done with you, and you couldn’t help but follow in his example, as you always tried to do.

Hushed conversations when following Joel’s tense figure, something young passing over you, something that had seemed so… far away. You had always thought that bonds like this could only exist in the world before your own, trust Ellie to prove you wrong.

But one gained friendship didn’t quite make up for all the losses. It was Tess, to start with. Something that had singed your lungs and left you breathing the smoke, something of choked words leaving you when she had revealed the bite on her shoulder. She had looked at you, that understanding passing through her eyes, grief for a life she wouldn’t get to live. You understood the gaze far more than you wanted to, and you knew that the burns scarring your insides wouldn’t fade for a very long time.

Then, it was finding out that Bill and Frank were gone.

It seemed wrong. Something so untouchable, so guarded, how could it possibly be gone? You couldn’t understand it, couldn’t understand how the few people you valued seemed to be dropping away before your very eyes, faster than you could even reach for them.

The journey seemed pointless to you, after that.

Though you felt for Ellie, that selfishness that had always been drilled into you rushed in, drowning out the empathy towards her cause. It left you with something empty inside of your chest, and you couldn’t figure out a way to fill it. You weren’t sure you wanted to.

It only got worse.

Warm days turned colder, the nights going to something nearby freezing, and then there was the events of Kansas City. You had been so sure Joel was going to die, that you and Ellie would follow soon after, that you couldn’t move. Your legs seemed frozen to the spot, and even as you heard the struggle in the other room, it didn’t quite register.

It was only when Ellie managed to get Joel through to the room you were hidden in that you managed to snap out of your fear-induced haze. Your eyes were cloudy, and after that, it was so hard to focus.

You and Ellie had found some comfort when Sam showed up alongside his older brother, Henry. They were a breath of fresh air in the hellscape of a city, and for once, you witnessed true childhood. Saw it in the way Sam scribbled on his board, in the way he laughed at whatever Ellie had written on it. It was contagious, almost.

That was probably the happiest you had been since leaving Boston, and it all fell apart so quickly. Like the first sparks of a fire squandered by the downpour of a storm.

You can’t even remember much of it. Not the big parts, anyway. You remember the little things, like the colour of Sam’s hoodie, or the splinters you got from the floorboards as you fell backwards, scrambled away from the only semblance of childhood you’d ever had. You remember looking to Henry, something in your chest begging to be let out, but choking on it before it could escape. Your remember the sound of something splattering against the wall, and you remember Joel touching your arm after the burial.

Everything was blurring together, but one thing stood out; that overwhelming fear that threatened to sweep you away with every sound you heard, every flash of movement in darkness, every loss you witnessed.

Each day it became harder to shake away the haze to your eyes, harder to feel something other than scared, harder to close that box in your brain and leave those big feelings in there. It became so prevalent, all of it weighing you down, pressing tightly against your shoulders, and somewhere along the line you knew that Joel and Ellie had noticed.

Whether it was your withdrawn behaviour, or the gaping hole ripped into your chest, you weren’t entirely sure. But they knew. Perhaps not to the extent that you believed them to, but they knew something wasn’t quite right.

And now it was the cold threatening to take the three of you — it was freezing the blood in your veins, the air in your lungs, and you really weren’t sure how much more of this you could take. It had been months since Henry and Sam, but it felt like it had been both no time at all, yet so far away. Everything still felt so raw, so fresh, despite time passing as normally as ever.

Joel had somehow managed to find winter supplies for the three of you, consisting of a coat and gloves, a hat that you let Ellie take. It was enough to keep you all alive, but it didn’t stop the chill seeping into your very bones, making it feel all the more harder to keep going.

It got to the point where you just didn’t want to. Couldn’t.

“Come on,” Joel said, your name falling from him as he patted your shoulder, all of his supplies already packed up, “Time to go.”

Getting up seemed impossible, so you didn’t. Just let your eyes glaze over and watched as Joel and Ellie grabbed their weapons, glancing outside of the cabin you’d taken refuge in. Joel looked back to you, his eyebrows furrowing as he noticed you hadn’t packed up any of your things, hadn’t even moved.

He looked at Ellie, frowning when she noticed, too. He made his way over, crouching down with aching knees, and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Kid, we gotta get moving.” Joel said, shaking your shoulder the slightest to gather your attention. You just looked at him, shaking your head. “C’mon. We don’t have time for this.”

“I don’t wanna go anymore, Joel.” You told him, finally admitting the words that sounded so much like defeat. You hated that the world had won, but you were so tired of fighting that you just couldn’t bring yourself to do anything but lose.

Joel shook his head, eyebrows creasing, an expression close to dumbfounded crossing his face. He couldn’t understand.

“We’re closer than we’ve ever been!” Ellie said encouragingly, the biggest smile she could muster on her face. You couldn’t bring yourself to look in her direction, instead looking down to where your fingers pulled at the loose threads on your sleeping bag.

“I can’t,” You said, much closer to tears than you had even realised. “I can’t keep doing this. Joel, I wanna go home.”

His frown just deepened, uncertainty present in every feature on his face. Joel didn’t know how to handle this, and there really wasn’t that much time to do so.

“Kid…” He sighed, before sitting down properly beside you with a pained breath.

“No, Joel, I— I want to go back. I want all of this to go away. I want Tess.” You admitted, heart pounding so hard just at the mention of the woman you had lost, and it was painful. Your chest aches the more you thought about it, and there was the realisation that you were homesick. Though you weren’t sure if that’s as for Boston, or for Tess.

“There is no goin’ back, kiddo. Tess… she’s gone. Nothin’ we can do about it.” Joel said, taking a moment to steady the shake in his voice after saying her name. It was just as painful for him as it was for you.

“I’m… I’m scared.” You confessed, voice barely a whisper, but it echoed around the empty walls of the cabin. The confession almost scared Joel, he knew you preferred to keep everything locked tightly, never admitting to the fear he knew was there. “All the time,” You continued, lips trembling around the words, “And it’s all I can think about. I can’t keep doing this. Every time we meet something I just get so scared, I can’t move, can’t speak.”

“It’s okay to be scared—” Joel tried.

“No, it’s not! It’s like I’m frozen, and every time, I lose someone. I can’t watch you guys die. I can’t do it.” You cut him off, the tears falling from your eyes as you looked at Joel.

He couldn’t do much more than frown, unsure how he could fix something like this. He knew the feeling more than you could imagine, so familiar it was the clearest thing he could remember. Joel had felt this way for years, but he was an adult. He had people relying on him, he couldn’t shut down in the way he knew you wanted to.

“We’re not gonna die,” Joel said, hesitantly. It was stupid to make promises in this world, especially when danger and the unknown lurked around every corner. “We’re all goin’ to be just fine. Listen to me, kid, we’re gonna get this done, and then we’re all gonna find somewhere, no infected, and we’ll just live. But we need to get through this, first.”

You shook your head, turning away from him, and he glanced to where Ellie stood, the guilt flooded onto her face.

“You two listenin’?” Joel asked, beginning to pick up your things and shove them into your backpack. “We’re getting close now. It’s almost over. Got nothin’ to worry about.”

“He’s right,” Ellie said, quietly, passing Joel something to put in your bag. “Let’s just get this over with.”

They packed up your things around you, Joel grabbing your arms to help you to your feet, and Ellie linked arms with you as soon as you were up. Together, they managed to get you out of the cabin, back out into the cold.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

You had been so sure that one of you was going to die when the people on horses showed up, guns trained on each of you in turn. You thought it was going to be Joel when he shoved you and Ellie behind him, his head spinning around, taking count of the people who were a danger to you.

Then, they brought out their dog, and your heart stopped when they directed it towards Ellie. It was going to be her, you were almost sure of it, thought that it would get a whiff of something from the bite scarred over her forearm.

You held your breath for a long time, not able to let it go even when the dog settled, playing happily with Ellie. Surely, these people would shoot you, regardless. They certainly didn’t seem very friendly.

But no, they were taking you back to their town, with you and Joel sharing a horse while Ellie rode on her own. You’d never ridden on a horse, and before, you may have enjoyed the experience, but you could only feel that suffocating fear that made you choke on your words, so scared that these people were taking you to their town just to kill you. Or worse. You’d heard of people who do worse.

You couldn’t get the words out to express your concern to Joel, forced to stay silent and cling on to him as the three of you made your way past the walls, surrounded by strangers. You shared a look with Ellie, that nervous understanding shared between the two of you once more.

Your fingers twitch, aching to wrap around your gun, but that was the first thing these people had taken. Then it was your knife. And then the axe Joel had you storing in the side of your bag. It didn’t help that helpless feeling, that fear clogging your throat.

Joel’s tense frame loosens suddenly, something like relief sinking into his bones as he shouts, “Tommy!” A man immediately looking up from where he was stood atop of some scaffolding. Joel slides off of the horse, handing the reigns to you, before meeting his brother halfway in a tight hug.

Ellie frowns, and you understand the furrow to her brows as you looked at Joel and his brother. He was all the two of you had.

The two of you stick together as you follow Joel to wherever his brother is leading the three of you, sharing nervous glances and only just about relaxing when you’re seated with hot meals in front of you.

You did your best to tune as much of the conversation out as possible, even ignoring Joel’s comment about slowing down, as you shoved as much food as you could into your mouth while the opportunity was there. After all, who knew how long this would last?

Ellie kicked your leg when Tommy mentioned about a tour, the two of you reluctantly leaving your plates behind to follow the three adults. Maria went on with her touring speech, talking about when and how they settled in the town, with Tommy pitching in about the shared resources. It was only when she talked about separating you and Ellie from Joel that your attention was really caught.

“Joel.” You said, urgency in your voice, a pleading look sent his way as he wrung his hands together, his brother already heading in his direction.

“You’ll be fine.” He said to you and Ellie, nodding in your direction and missing the look of defeat you and Ellie shared as he walked away.

“Shall we?” Maria asked, looking between you and Ellie. She was half-turned away already, but caught the way you both gazed nervously at Joel’s turned back. The two of you nodded, following behind her as she made her way through the town, clearly as familiar to her as the back of her hand.

Ellie answered all of Maria’s idle questions whilst walking alongside her, though her answers were slightly withdrawn. It comforted you, even the slightest bit, to know that you weren’t the only one who was feeling distrustful towards this place. That you weren’t the only one on edge.

Maria opened the door to the house you, Ellie and Joel were meant to be staying in, swatting a hand in front of her face as dust rose up from the untouched surfaces.

“Homely.” Ellie commented, stepping around Maria to peek into the living room, and then the kitchen, whilst you remained beside the door with Maria.

“It’s not much, but it’ll keep you warm. And it’s got running water.” Maria said, despite this being more than any of you had had in a very long time. She smiled tightly at you, head dipping as she looked around. “Make yourselves at home.”

“When do I get my gun back?” You asked, probably the most you had spoken since your slight… outburst at the cabin, just a few days prior.

“Kids ‘round here aren’t armed. Nobody is.” Maria answered, eyebrows creased as she looked at you.

“Right, well I’m not a part of your commune, or whatever, so I want back what’s mine.” You replied, with more heat to the words than would’ve been considered respectful. You couldn’t really find it in yourself to care, though, because how were you meant to defend yourselves if you had no weapons? Especially considering Maria clearly didn’t want Joel here, and by extension, you and Ellie.

Maria sighed, a slight exhale from her nose, and you stepped away from her, looking towards Ellie, who stared right back at you with something nervous in her gaze. “We’ll talk about all this later, okay? How about you guys go take a shower, and I’ll grab you some new clothes.”

Ellie nodded, practically leaping up the stairs, and you heard doors slamming open until she finally found the bathroom, yelling an: “Aha!”

“There’s just the one shower in this house, but if you wanna have one now, mine and Tommy’s house is just across the street.” Maria offered, kindly.

“I’d rather wait.” You replied, voice snappier than you expected it to be, but you bounded up the stairs and flopped down in the first room you found.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Ellie had taken forever in the shower, so it was a while before you finally took your turn. As much as you hated to admit it, the warm water cleared away much of your bitterness towards this place. It felt good. Finally being clean, properly clean, after going so long living off of what little you could take when travelling across the country. You hadn't had a shower like this since Bill and Frank’s — and you hated thinking of it.

Maria had been around earlier, bringing two piles of clothes hanging in each arm, dumping them on the bed outside of the bathroom Ellie had been showering in. You hadn’t acknowledged her, so she had nodded and left quickly.

You didn’t exactly enjoy feeling like you owed anybody anything, but you had to admit that slipping on the clean clothes that Maria had left felt good. Wearing the long sleeved t-shirt underneath a thick jumper was probably the warmest you’d been in a long time, not that you would’ve admitted that to anybody.

The small part of you that had been numbed for the past few weeks began to thaw, and you felt almost embarrassed of how you had treated Maria earlier on — despite you having every right to act in such a manner. So, with a huffed breath of annoyance, you decided to follow the note the woman had left, and made your way across the street.

She had shouted to come in almost as soon as you had knocked, and you opened the door hesitantly.

The first thing you noticed was the sound of hair scissors, and it sent a pang through your chest. Then you heard Maria and Ellie chatting, and followed the noise. The chalkboard in her living room caught your eye, and you frowned as you passed by it.

“What’s going on?” You asked, eyebrows drawn together as you stepped into the room to see Ellie putting up her short hair.

“Just a trim,” Maria said, waving the scissors in her hand, “You’re up next.”

She noticed the way you tensed, drawing your arms back up towards your chest as your eyebrows furrowed further. It was defensive, the way you immediately curled in on yourself.

“No, no, I— I don’t want my hair cut.” By you were the words missing from the sentence, going unsaid but not unheard as one of your hands reached up to hold onto the too-long ends of your hair. They were splintering, and unhealthy, but you couldn’t do it.

The last person to cut your hair had been Tess — a memory you treasured, held so close that it almost hurt to think about. It was one of those things that had come naturally at the time, but felt so taken for granted once Tess was gone. You could remember the evenings so clearly, one of the only times that she allowed herself to come across as something almost maternal.

It would feel like you were betraying her, her memory, to allow someone else to take scissors to your hair. It was a job that belonged to Tess, and Tess only. You pretended it didn't hurt, the length your hair had grown. She would’ve never let it get this long.

Maria frowned, but seemed to take your defensive words and body language for a good enough answer. She placed the scissors on the counter, an act of truce, if you had ever seen one.

“Okay,” She said, hands up in surrender, before she reached to the counter and grabbed the coat that had been laid there. “Here, put this on. We’re going to the movies.”

You had no choice but to do so, tugging the coat on and resorting to holding it closed with your arms folded across your chest when your fingers trembled on the zipper. Ellie glanced at you with a frown, and checked you were following her and Maria out of the door, just huffing out a small sigh as you closed the door behind you, hurrying to catch up.

Sitting around a bunch of kids was one of the weirdest things to happen to you. You’d spent most of your life surrounded by only Joel and Tess, occasionally Bill and Frank, hell — Ellie was the first person your age that you’d really spoken to. After everything the two of you had been through, being surrounded by children felt much stranger to you than being surrounded by adults.

You could understand adults, to a certain extent. Kids… were a different story. So transfixed on the movie projected on the wall ahead, which you couldn’t understand. You felt vulnerable, sat in the middle of the room. Out of the loop, even, as adults watched and chatted around the edges of the room.

It was why you went to find Maria whilst Ellie followed Tommy out of the place, confused on why she had brought you here. “What am I meant to be doing here?” You asked her, when you finally found her standing to the side, gazing at the movie.

“We’re at the movies,” She laughed, saying your name, “You’re meant to be watching the movie.”

“Why?” You asked, incredulously, because how did this help anybody? Watching fake people in an image against the wall might’ve fascinated you, but you were nervous. Paranoid. At any moment, they could have people breaking into the town, knocking down the walls, anything… so why waste time and people watching a movie? To you, it would’ve made more sense to have more of these people stationed as guards.

“Entertainment,” Maria offered, moving from where she had been leaning against the half-wall. “Whatever you wanna call it. You’re not out in the wilderness, anymore. You’re safe. Take some time, enjoy the film.” She told you, and you hated the sympathy that she held in her gaze.

You moved to say something, but followed Maria’s gaze to see Tommy walking back through the doors. Without another word to her, you were shoving your way through the crowd and pushing the door open, back out into the cold air.

By the time you found your way to the house on Rancher Street, both doors at the top of the stairs were tightly shut. You frowned, unsure why they would’ve shut them, and made your way up to the room Ellie was in.

“Ellie?” You whispered into the darkness of the room, seeing her turned away from the door as she lay on the bed. She was still, and remained quiet. With a sigh, you closed the door and crossed the hall, opening Joel’s door with the same results.

You tiptoed back downstairs, frowning as you laid a blanket across the couch, swatting the dust that rose to the air.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Waking up to an empty house stirred the panic that you had been storing away. You felt frantic as you tumbled up the stairs, ripping the covers away from the unmade beds as if Ellie or Joel could’ve been hiding beneath them. But finding nothing just made everything so much worse, because what if you were right all along?

Anybody could’ve come into the house, caught the two of them off guard, and what could they have done? All of your weapons were taken from you, which meant no defence, and no deterrent.

You were ripping the kitchen apart before you could think to do much else, pulling drawers out and sending the dusty contents crashing to the floor. In the end, you found nothing of use — the sharp cutlery had long since been taken, leaving dust in the empty compartment that should’ve held knives.

Your last resort was the plate you had smashed against the counter, leaving a dent in the material upon impact. Blood trickled down your cheek from a minuscule cut, the result of a tiny piece of ceramic. You grabbed the sharpest piece of the plate in a gloved hand, and marched out of the front door.

Upon entering Tommy and Maria’s house, you were greeted with nothing but silence, despite the impact the door had made against the wall when you had opened it. A small piece of paper on their kitchen counter caught your eye, and you snatched it up.

Going to the stables first thing. Love you - Tommy.

The edge of the paper was crinkled, and you figured that Maria must’ve seen it already.

Your run to the stables was frantic, and not at all subtle. People stared as you practically sprinted across the town, almost slipping on patches of ice that blended in with the snow. “Slow down, girl!” Somebody had shouted at you as you passed, but you just gripped the sharp ceramic tighter, barely feeling the way it had begun to tear at your glove.

“Joel, Ellie!” You shouted, almost hysterically, as you finally saw the two of them. Ellie was already sat upon a horse, holding the reins as Joel spoke to his brother. They both turned to face you as you approached, an almost defeated look matching each other’s expressions. “What—What’s going on?” You asked, stumbling into Joel and feeling him grasp on to your shoulders to get you to finally stop.

Joel shared a look with Tommy, who looked back at him with what was almost sympathy.

“Kid, I…” He sighed, rubbing a gloved hand down his face as his speech trailed off.

“What?” You snapped, gripping the ceramic tighter.

“Listen to me,” Joel said, his hand squeezing your shoulder as he said the words. “Me and Ellie are heading to the University—”

“Let—Let me grab my bag.” You told him, trying to turn away but feeling his grip tighten before he turned you back to face him, a bracing expression on his face. He looked almost pained.

“You’re not listening!” He told you, sounding far too close to frustration. “Me and Ellie. Not you.” He repeated, watching carefully the way your furrowed eyebrows fell, something so similar to grief presenting itself in the way your whole expression fell apart.

You looked to Ellie, only to find her gaze averted, and shook your head as you turned back to Joel. “What? You’re— You’re what? Leaving me behind?”

“It’s not fair for us to ask you to—”

You cut him off, stumbling back and away from his hands, and watched as they fell from the air where they had held on to you. “It’s not fair?” You asked, trembling from something other than the cold as you looked at the only man you had ever trusted.

The ceramic in your palm fell to the ground, fibres of your glove clinging to the edges of it. Joel frowned.

“Not fair?” You repeated, at the sound of their silence. “You know what’s not fair, Joel?” You questioned, stepping forward to push your hands against his chest, feeling your chest ache when he did nothing to stop you. “Following you two, all this way, just for you to fucking abandon me!”

“We’re not abandoning you!” Ellie said, then, her voice sounding just as childish as the words did. Because if they weren’t abandoning you, what were they doing? They hadn’t even said goodbye — if it weren’t for you running out here, after waking up to find them gone, you might have never even seen them again.

“Yes, you are!” You yelled at here, feeling your throat clog up as your vision went cloudy, “And after everything…—”

You stared between them, waiting for them to have a response, but neither of them did.

“I lost everything, following you here. Everything! It’s all gone. Tess…” You trailed off, feeling tears bubble at the corners of your eyes as you said her name. It was a betrayal, more than anything. If it weren’t for this whole adventure, Tess would’ve been alive. Bill and Frank, maybe not, but Tess.

“That ain’t fair, kiddo, we—”

“None of this has been fair. None of it! And you—you were just going to fucking leave me! How’s that for fair?” You asked desperately, despite knowing that no answer they could give would be what you wanted. All of your fear over losing them, it had never considered that they may leave of their own accord.

Maria said your name, approaching from behind you, and you didn't flinch when she placed a hand on your shoulder. You missed the pain on Joel’s face at the way you allowed her to comfort you, but had moved away from his attempts. She pulled you a step back from him, and another, until she finally turned you away as your tears spilled over.

Tommy shook his head when Joel made a move to follow the two of you, and you pretended not to notice their gazes on you as they strode by.

“How could they just…” Your voice broke off at the edges, and you felt the haze to your eyes returning as you looked at Maria, the realisation that you were alone hitting you harder than any of your fear ever had. That was fear; a possibility of what could happen, whereas this… this was reality.

And your reality was that nobody loved you enough to stay.

PART TWO

[userpedros]

those three little words || joel miller

pairing: Joel Miller x female!reader

This story takes place in Jackson after the events of Salt Lake

Summary: It'd been a while since you, Joel and Ellie had gotten settled in Jackson. But those three words that were still unspoken were left to linger in the air.

Word Count: 3.5k+

Warnings: age gap - Joel is in his 50's, reader in her late 20's (because apparently, that's all I know how to write), slightly angsty, slighty sweet. it's like a fun lil sour patch kid but instead of sour, you get some angst. implied sexy time but nothing is mentioned.

A/N: This has not been beta read, I did go back over it once to proofread but that's it. Anyway, Soft!Joel is my favorite and you can all pry him out of my cold, dead hands! That's it!

"Ellie, get back here! Damnit!" Joel huffed as he chased the teen through the wild backyard. The smell of summer was thick and the cicadas were screaming with all the might their tiny little insect bodies had. The loud noise brought back some nostalgia for you. Nostalgia and longing for times before the cordyceps took over.

But today, with the beautiful weather, it felt like old times before the world had gone to shit. The family you'd gained along the way, the older man and the teen running around the yard seemed to call to better times for you. It felt better, things felt right. Most of all, you'd begun to feel at home, a feeling foreign to you for so many years. Now you had a home. You had a home in Jackson, and you had a home in Joel and Ellie. You were finally starting to feel at ease.

You smiled as you watched Joel and Ellie play with the worn soccer ball in the backyard. He'd never admit it, just like he’d never admit a lot of things, even though Joel was in his fifties, that man could still kick a soccer ball around like no one's business. Most importantly, he was totally letting Ellie win. Joel the soccer dad back at it again, everything was as it should be.

You sighed as you turned around, a smile still plastered to your face as you watched from the porch, taking a seat in the old rusted yellow patio chair. You whopped and hollered for Ellie as she tried her hardest to beat Joel, her brown hair falling out of her bun, trying to run circles around the man.

The afternoon dragged on as the two continued in the yard for several hours. Finally, as they both started to slow down, they began to head toward the house. Joel tugged Ellie under his arms as he ruffled her hair, earning a sigh and groan from her as she tried to slip out from under his grasp. He let her go as he took in the sight of you, watching them from the porch. Your face held nothing but the brightest smile, something that came quickly to you when you saw him.

You began to space out into thought as Joel and Ellie took seats across from you on the porch. They began to talk about the patrols she’d been warming up to, Tommy taking her far away from infected but letting her have a handle on his rifle with a scope. Joel smiled along with her as they talked about how good of a shot she was, better than many kids in Jackson at her age.

You watched as Joel watched you most of the time, taking time to pay attention to Ellie but mostly keeping his brown eyes trained on you. Joel was a protective man, something that just didn’t go away, even after the safety you three had now. The last twenty years had provided him with enough material for nightmares for the rest of his life. He was different now though. He was a man who changed. He was not the same Joel that lived in those shitty apartments FEDRA handed out. He wasn’t the same man taking those shitty jobs for rations that were more like ghosts, disappearing just as fast as they came.

A weight seemed to have been lifted off his shoulders as soon as you three settled in Jackson. He held your hand now in public and called you pet names in public. He did more for you than he’d ever done for Tess. Which of course, left some sadness that panged deep in your stomach when you thought of her and how things ended up; but hey, you couldn’t control how things ended up.

You and Joel had become inseparable, creating the little family you three knew you needed. You came back to Earth from your little space out, looking back at Joel, turning away from the smiling teen's face as she told one of her famous puns.

You both laughed in sync, looking over to Ellie as she stood up with the final line of her pun.

“There’s more where that came from, folks!” Her smile beamed even more prominent when she heard someone call for her from the front of the house. “Alright, guess that’s my cue to go. I’ll see you guys later!” Ellie stood up and waved as she walked into the house. You both watched as she disappeared from your lines of sight. You could hear her entering the kitchen to grab a snack before heading out to hang out with whoever was at the front door. You sighed and shook your head as you stood up.

“Maybe we should go get cleaned up, hmm?” Joel said as he stood up, holding his hand out for you to grab.

You grabbed his hand as you both made your way inside, Joel holding the door open like a complete gentleman. That was nothing new though, he was always like that with you. You two together was something new since you came to Jackson but it was something you two had both welcomed as soon as it happened.

“Hmmm… what should we do now that El’s gone?” You peered up at Joel as you both stopped in the entry way of the kitchen.

He grabbed both of your hands and intertwined them with his as he pulled you in closer. He released one hand as he held the back of your head, placing a small kiss on your crown.

“’M actually supposed to be meetin’ with Tommy ‘bout some new routes for Patrols. Sorry darlin’.” He pulled back as he looked down at you.

“You have some time before you head out?” You wiggled your eyebrows as you looked up at him, giving him the biggest puppy dog eyes that you could muster.

“What’d you have in mind?”

“I was thinking I could help you clean up a ‘lil before you left. Just a thought.” You giggled as his brown eyes went wide.

“Oh, I think that’s a great idea, could use all the help I can get. ‘Specially with one spot, ‘s real tricky to get just right by myself.” He winked as he whisked you up in a flash and carried you up the stairs. The mixture of your combined laughter filled the air as you two settled in for a shower, making sure to lock the bathroom door as the cleaning session began.

It was later at night when Ellie burst through the door, a smile heavy on her lips as she took you in. You were sitting in your reading chair in the corner of the living room, a small reading light clipped to your book as a blanket covered your lap.

You were so deep into whatever it was that you were reading you hadn’t even noticed the teen come through the door.

“Where’s Joel?” When she spoke out loud it startled you, causing you to drop your book on the floor and place a hand on your chest, trying to steady your breathing.

“Holy shit Ellie! Warning!” You looked up at her as you picked your book off of the floor and placed it on the chair you were sitting in as you stood up. “He’s out with Tommy, something about new routes.” You shrugged as you made your way over to her.

She took in the sight of what you were wearing. One of Joel’s button-downs and a pair of leggings. “Joel’s gonna lose his mind if he sees you’re in his clothes again.” She looked at you and down before she headed into the kitchen.

“Water?” She looked back at you as you grabbed the water and glass for her. It was something you didn’t mind doing, acting as her surrogate mother. You adored her, and the trek across the country you two had made with her only solidified how much you cared about her, even though you were in your later 20’s you still cared for her the way a mother should. After all, she needed that and you needed someone to care for just as much.

“Joel will get over it. Here’s your water, sweet girl.” You smiled at her, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“You’re right he will. He really cares about you, you know? Not like how he cares about me, but somethin’ really different.” She gulps down the water as she starts to head towards the cabinets to begin to raid them for a snack, even though the only things in there were expired things Joel had brought home for her on supply runs.

“I know, I care about him too.” You smiled at her as you stepped back into the living room. You grabbed your blanket from the chair and sat on the couch, waiting for Ellie to join you.

She made her way over to you, sinking into the old fabric, and settling into your side. There you two sat for a few moments, just taking in the silence and serenity of being safe while cuddling in the blanket together. She broke the silence by completely catching you off guard when she spoke.

“I know he loves you. He loves us both, he just won’t say it.” You didn’t bother to look down at her as you looked across the room and stared at the old painting that hung on the wall. You really studied the boat scene as you thought about what she’d just said.

You’d told Joel you loved him one night when you two had finally started to get settled in Jackson. He’d acted as if he hadn’t heard you, shutting the bathroom door, and ending the conversation between you two. You never brought it up again. You knew he cared about you, you wanted him to care about you the way you cared about him, but you knew after all that he’d seen and the incredibly high walls he’d built, it might take an incredibly long time before he ever felt feelings like that again.

“I know he loves you, Els. Anyone can see the way he cares about you.” You sighed as you squeezed her into your side.

She dropped the subject, knowing it wasn’t going to get anywhere. That was always the one thing that stayed quiet and closeted between you three. Those three little words. Joel and Ellie were so caged up they’d probably never say them. She sighed as she rested her head on your shoulder. “I’m happy you two got stuck with me as cargo. Feels nice, like I finally have a family.”

You kissed her forehead as you felt tears well in your eyes. “We are a family, sweet girl. You’ll always have us.”

You felt her breathe out as you two sat there longer in silence before the world went dark and you two were passed out on the couch, cuddled up in the blanket.

It was a lot later when you woke up to the sound of the front door closing. Ellie was still fast asleep against you when you turned your head up to look at whoever had walked in the door. You squeezed her into you tighter a surge of panic going through you. You took a deep breath when you saw that it was just Joel.

You realize then that you must’ve fallen asleep. You wonder what time is it as he walks over to where you two were seated on the couch. He spoke in a low tone, careful not to take Ellie.

“Should we just leave her on the couch? Don’t really wanna wake her up, she looks so peaceful.” He smiled down at her as you carefully got up, leaving the blanket wrapped around her form. You reached behind her and put a pillow under her head carefully, trying your hardest to keep her asleep. You nodded as you motioned toward the stairs. Joel followed behind you.

You could feel his eyes burning into you as you walked up the stairs as quietly as you could. You knew he was going to say something about you wearing one of his shirts again, but you didn’t care. He normally didn’t either, he usually just wanted to take it off as soon as he saw it on you. Things had been a little different ever since you said those three little words and he’d ignored you. Sure they normally felt alright during the day or whenever you two were intimate but at night when everything was still and quiet, things always felt different and weird. It felt like uncertainty hung in the air. Uncertainty of where things might end up or where you would end up if you brought it back up.

Joel shut the door quietly behind you as you walked to your side of the bed, crawling in without bothering to change. You were exhausted and you just wanted to sleep.

Joel had other plans though as he stood against the door, crossing his arms, his eyes continuing to burn into you just as they had on the stairs.

“You comin’ to bed, Joel?” You fluffed the pillows up behind you, sitting up as you waited for him to fall into bed next to you.

“You’re wearin’ my shirt again.” He stated as he stood against the door, he almost looked rooted there, as if he’d taken up station there for the night. His back was rigid as he watched your every move, his arms still crossed, his biceps bulging underneath the tan jacket he always wore.

“Sorry, just wanted to feel close to you, that’s all.” You sighed as your eyebrows rose as you continued to hold his gaze. “I can take it off if ya want.”

“No, it’s fine where it is, just makin’ an observation. Looks real good on you anyways.” He huffed out as he walked over to the chair that sat next to the window.

You watched as he shed his jacket. You closed your eyes to give him privacy as he changed into a pair of sweatpants, sans shirt. You sighed as you felt him crawl into bed next to you. You suddenly couldn’t swallow the words that seemed to bubble up in your throat. You felt constricted as the words that Ellie had spoken to you earlier came to mind. The words and thoughts were out of your mouth faster than you could register, making you wish you were flexible enough to shove your foot in your mouth.

“I think we need to talk Joel.” You cringed as you let the words fly out of your mouth. They hung in the air for a few seconds, waiting for a response

You waited for a response but none came, the bed suddenly groaning as he stood up, walking to the end of the bed. He turned around and stared down at you, waiting for you to say something. You took in his form, trying to keep your eyes on his face instead of his arms and chest. This was a serious conversation and you weren’t going to let your hormones take over.

“Well go on, what do we need to talk about?” His arms were crossed once again and he looked irritated. You were still half wishing you hadn’t spoken and taken the path you usually traveled, not talking to Joel about your feelings.

“Remember about a week after we finally got settled in Jackson, it was late and we were goin’ to bed-,” He cut you off, holding his hand up.

“I think I know where this is goin’.” He ran his hands down his face as he took in a deep sigh.

You watched as his chest heaved and the words came flying out of your mouth.

“I told you I loved you Joel and you didn’t say a word. You didn’t even look at me, you just got up and went to the bathroom. You waited in there ‘till I fell asleep.” The words were out now, nothing could shove them back in your mouth. You wanted to crawl into a hole, become an armadillo so he couldn’t see the red staining your cheeks. The embarrassment that you had to be the one to bring it up and you just didn’t wait for him to eventually say it, even though you both knew that was never going to happen.

“Why didn’t you say anything that night Joel?” You pulled the blanket up to your chest as you took a deep breath and continued. “You just let me say it that night. You just let me say it and you just walked away. Do you know how bad that hurt?”

He didn’t say anything as he turned out and looked out the window. He walked closer to it, resting his hands on the sill, and placing his forehead against the cool glass.

“I don’t have a good answer for that one, darlin.’”

You could feel the air thickening as tears welled up in your eyes. “What are you so scared of, Joel? Why can’t you just tell me how you feel? I’m sick of actin’ like everything is great but every night when we go to bed it’s as still and quiet as can be.”

“I can’t tell you because I can’t give you what you want sweetheart. I’m old. I feel myself gettin’ older every day. I can’t be what you need for long.” You could hear his voice getting deeper and huskier.

You stood up and made your way over to where he was placed in front of the window. You placed your hand on his shoulder, squeezing as you spoke.

“I have everything I could ever want. I have you and I have Ellie. No matter what happens tomorrow, I am happy.” You sighed as you moved your hand and placed your head on his shoulder. “I love you, Joel. Nothing is going to change that. I’ll love you ‘till the day something happens to one of us and I’ll love you after that.”

He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. You both continued to stare out the window, taking in the view of the Wyoming mountains in the distance.

“It’s so beautiful here, Joel. I never thought I’d end up somewhere like this. I never thought I could be happy like this again.” His head lifted as he looked over at you, watching you as you watched the mountains in the distance.

“I know what you mean. Never thought I’d end up here either. Never thought I’d have the chance to be happy again like this.” He turned, his southern accent thick and dripping with sadness for the past. He looked down at you, your head falling off of his shoulder to crane back to look into his eyes.

“I think you’ve known for a while that I care about you, darlin’. You know that I love you. It just seems like somethin’ so stupid to admit in a world like this. I haven’t said those words in 20 years.”

You nodded as you looked back out to the view, understanding what he meant by that. He probably hadn’t said that to anyone since he’d last said that to his daughter, Sarah. You knew that was probably as much as you were going to get out of him. You were just happy he finally said it and that he’d opened up a little bit. Sarah was such a sore topic, for good reason. A small smile broke out across your face as you stayed peering out at the mountains.

You two stood there for a while, just like that. You looked out at the view and he looked out at you. The silence finally broke when Joel coughed a bit, putting a free hand on your back. You turned and looked at him letting out a sigh as you started to head toward the queen-sized bed you both shared.

“Ready for bed, Miller?” You smiled up at him as you both went your separate ways to your sides of the bed.

“Ready for bed, sweet girl.” He smiled a weak smile at you as you both climbed into bed. He pulled you into his arms, your head leaning down to rest on his chest. Sleep started to overcome you fast as he pulled the duvet up onto your body.

The last thing you heard before you were engulfed in the sweetest and deepest sleep you’d had in a while was an omission from Joel. The sweetest words you’d think to ever roll off his lips.

“I love you, darlin’. Nothing is ever gonna change that.” With that, he kissed your forehead and you were off to sleep. Ready to take on whatever came the next day because you knew no matter what you’d have Joel and you’d have that sweet girl sleeping downstairs on the couch. Everything was falling into place.

And that's it! Remember to leave feedback folks! Us authors wanna hear what y'all have to say!! Also, likes are nice and always appreciated but reblogs are how others are able to see our stories!

As always, thanks for readin' if you made it this far! :-)

[murswrites]

Let Me In ⎯ Joel Miller One-Shot P1

Pairings: Joel Miller x AFAB!Reader Fandom: The Last of Us MASTERLIST Word Count: 3.4k Warnings: NSFW! 18+ ONLY, cursing, alcohol, cunnilingus, fingering, porn w/a LOT of plot SUMMARY: Y/N's a weaponsmith and Joel needs a new scope--they go scope out Eugene's place and unsaid tensions bring the pair closer than ever.

A/N Joel & reader fuck on the same couch Dina & Ellie eventually fuck on & honestly I find that kinda poetic. The exposition (aka pre-smut) is kinda long bc I cannot help but make the build-up kinda realistic, part two will be out whenever I post it lmfao.

There weren't many people who knew you all too well. You had turned 20 right before outbreak day and basically grew up in the apocalypse. FEDRA scooped up every single able-bodied young adult they could find in the early days.

You’d seen a lot of shit as a soldier–a lot of infected, but even more dead people. Losing a lot of friends along the way has a way of making someone’s nervous system… shut down. You outright refused to make friends with anyone in Jackson. It was hard enough working near the makeshift school the town put up.

Only a few of the kids had the balls to even talk to you–you wouldn’t admit it… but you could be a dick sometimes.

Weaponsmithing was something you learned as a soldier, with limited resources people had to get creative. Bullets were among the first thing you learned how to recycle but soon enough you were creating guns from spare parts. That was your role in Jackson, if someone had an issue with their firearm or any blades, you’d be sure to fix it up.

The small talk is where your dickheadedness really shined through, you’d always been shitty at it. Some townsfolks would come by frequently–mostly the ones who worked patrols and Joel Miller happened to be one of those people. He was similar to you in the way that he couldn’t bullshit a conversation if he had a script.

The first few weeks of him coming by to get ammo or his guns cleaned were quiet. He’d explain what he was looking for and then you’d provide him with your service. Simple.

But his guns were different than everyone else’s. He customizes them. One time Joel gave you his handgun because it kept jamming and there was an extended clip, it intrigued you–but you didn’t say anything back then.

The special touches he put on his weapons became a topic of conversation, sometimes he’d stop in just to see if you had anything new of interest. His daughter, Ellie, liked to come in as well (one of the few kids who liked you which was probably because she was just like Joel who was just like you).

Strangely enough, you liked Ellie, she could be a bit annoying at times but you were once a little dickweed teenager. You understood her and why she was such a spitfire. To survive in this world, you have to be strong.

—

“I’m looking for a new scope for this rifle–it’s for Ellie’s birthday.” Joel didn’t even bother with a “hi” or a “hello” as he pushed open the shop door.

You’d been working on reattaching a strap to someone’s crossbow as he entered, “I’m afraid that I haven’t gotten anything new in weeks.” You sat the screwdriver down, “Haven’t had the time to go looting.” Most of what you stocked was either from you looting yourself or the rare occasion when you’d give out a list to some of the people on patrols.

“Can I enlist you in finding something for this?” He sat the gun on your counter, it was beautiful.

“Wow, where’d you find this?” Joel mumbled something about his brother, Tommy. You knew Tommy Miller well enough and knew Maria even more so. She had been the reason you found out about the settlement. Before Maria decided to cut ties with the world, she allowed a few radio broadcasts to be sent out and it saved your life. You would have died as a FEDRA soldier if you hadn’t heard her call.

You lifted the gun and looked through the scope it had already, the glass was cracked and the metal was a bit dented. “I’d bet I could talk old Eugene into letting me sneak a peek through his shit.” Eugene was another one of the few people who seemed to tolerate you. You weren’t necessarily mean–just off-putting (and for good reason).

“Is that so?” Joel asked quizzically, raising his eyebrows as he did so. His expressions entertained you quite a bit–it was an excuse to stare without seeming strange. You liked looking at him. It felt stupid to think that he sounded jealous that you’d go to Eugene for help.

You ignored that thought, nodded, and sat the rifle down, “Tell you what, let me know your patrol schedule and I’ll talk to Eugene. I know that fucker has some kinda stash hidden somewhere.”

Joel’s momentary distaste was gone as he nodded, “Sounds good to me, darling.” Him and his fucking pet names.

You chopped it up to his “southern hospitality” but couldn’t help but wonder why he continually called you cute things. Darling, sweetheart, and honey were among his most commonly used pet names. It only made things increasingly complicated in your brain. To engage or not to engage–it was a tightrope you balanced on every single time you interacted with Joel Miller.

Hopefully, he didn’t see how your eyes would widen at the use of a simple adjective or how you have a little pep in your step after seeing him. That’d kinda ruin the whole mysterious ex-FEDRA soldier thing you have going on.

—

You could have gone to Eugene’s with Eugene but he claimed to be busy–you also could go alone… but why do that when Joel was the one interested in finding something for his kid? That was certainly the only reason you’d knocked on his door that evening proposing a plan to make the journey to Eugene’s secret hideout.

“We could leave tomorrow morning, nice and early, and be back before it’s dark out.” You said with a shrug.

Joel looked a bit strung out, “How’s 8 am sound?”

You began to argue that was early for you but you didn’t for the sake of his (probably fragile) sanity. “Sounds good to me, Joel.” Part of you wished you’d called him “handsome” or “cowboy” just for shits and giggles.

As you turned away from him, his voice caught your attention, “Do you wanna come in? Maybe have a few drinks?”

In the last four years of living in Jackson, nobody ever invited you over for… literally anything outside of work. It caught you completely off guard. Your brain didn’t know how to respond–for one, you didn’t like drinking and the more obvious reason was that you didn’t have any friends.

Maybe Joel counted as a friend, you two talked pretty consistently, but you knew that if you didn’t run the weaponsmithing shop… the chances of seeing him frequently would plummet. 

“Um… I don’t actually drink.” You didn’t want to say no to his offer, “You could drink and I can live vicariously through you?”

To your surprise, he smiled at that and nodded. You entered the house slowly, taking it in with your eyes much quicker than your body moved. There were paintings on the wall and the curtains were yellowed. The rug was gorgeous despite its age, you wanted to be an interior designer prior to the outbreak.

“Why don’t you drink?” Joel sounded genuinely curious–not in a judgy way which you appreciated.

“The taste is far from ideal and don’t even get me started on the smell.” Your face contorted in disgust. “Let's just say those two years I spent in university before all this shit ruined alcohol for me.” You weren’t a party animal–more of an alcoholic to be honest.

Joel hummed in response and left you in the living room, you looked at the bookshelf curiously.

“I’ve got some lemonade Ellie made if you’d be interested?”

Something cool and refreshing sounded like a dream, “I’d love some, thank you.”

—

You were fucking beat the next morning. Your night ended sometime between 12 and 2 am–you always struggled with falling asleep. The night was spent talking and learning more about one another. Joel was an interesting person, he was touchy with some topics but overall, you two got along really nicely.

He had a few drinks and seemed much more at ease with himself. Less uptight and stoic, it was nice seeing him in his natural state.

“I always look forward to seeing you, sweetheart.”

Joel said that as you left and you went home with hot cheeks. He could have worded it a hundred different ways, “I like coming by your shop.”, “You’re helpful.” etc. But he didn’t and you couldn’t stop thinking about what he really meant.

It was 7 am and you felt like you were dead–but you got out of bed anyway. And by 8:30 you two were on your way to Eugene’s hideout.

“He said he didn’t know what was in there but we had free reign, I’ll help look for the scope but then I’m going to search for something a little more specific.”

Joel tilted his head at you, “Specific like what?”

You were wide awake with the help of the crisp morning air, “I like to indulge in marijuana from time to time. Eugene said if I could find it… I can have some.”

“You prefer smoking over drinking?” You nodded, “Huh.”

“What’s that mean?” You asked.

Joel shrugged, “Just interestin’, I’m the opposite.”

—

It was early afternoon by the time you made it to the library, you guys took it easy. You could rush home after hopefully finding a scope. Thankfully, Eugene has his things in an organized chaos.

You two stand side by side, checking in every tub, box, and drawer for something of use. “Oh, what’s that?” Joel’s holding a comic book.

“Ellie likes these, thinking if we can’t find a scope–I might be able to trade Eugene something for ‘em.”

“That’s a good idea, but we will find a scope because there’s no way in hell that man doesn’t have a stash of gun-related goodies.” You were quite excited to find it, to be honest, the lack of supply runs has been making things a bit boring. “I’m hoping to find something for my bow and arrow,”

Joel readjusts his gun on his shoulder, “What’re you thinking?”

“You know that handmade bow I’ve got? I want to put a scope on it and replace the string, maybe even a new grip if there are any.” It’d be nice to have something of good quality again.

“Could you take a look at my rifle as well?” You nod without even thinking, “Thanks, sugar.” That’s a new one.

The pet name makes you pause as you confront yourself with the possibility of asking him about the night before. “When you said you always look forward to seeing me was that in a platonic way or–”

He cut you off, “Whichever way you’d prefer it to be.”

That wasn’t what you expected him to say but it sparked some confidence in you, “My likeness to a hermit doesn’t bother you?”

“I understand it.” You raised an eyebrow in a silent question, “It’s scary to let people in.” It was obvious that it took Joel a lot of effort to admit that and you admired him greatly. You couldn’t even admit how difficult it was to let people in most days.

“It’s horrifying. Especially after everything I’ve lost.”

Joel nodded slowly, “I lost my entire world.” He took a deep breath, “But… I want to be able to enjoy what time I do have left. Being alone drags down on the heart.”

“You say that like you’re gonna die so soon,” He shrugged. “Yea, I guess you’re right to not assume you have a long life ahead of you… I won’t say I’m sorry for what happened to you–but I am proud that you’re able to admit that you wanna live your life without guilt.”

There wasn’t much space between the two of you. The mutual understanding of what it meant, not to move on but to continue living without guilt that you weren’t grieving enough pushed you closer to him.

Joel’s eyes were flitting between yours and (presumably) your lips, “Only took me three decades.”

“I still haven’t admitted it, don’t beat yourself up, cowboy.” You worried it was insensitive to drop in a flirty pet name but it seemed Joel didn’t mind.

His jaw flexed and you found yourself keenly aware of every movement he made. The air felt thick with everything that hadn’t been said. His eyes captured your attention the most, they were such a rich shade of brown–warm.

“I gotta ask–I’m not wrong in assuming there’s something here, am I?”

You shook your head embarrassingly fast, “No, there definitely is. It’s kind of overwhelming but I trust you, Joel.”

That seemed to be what he needed to hear as he leaned forward to capture your lips. He was careful with his movements, you were unsure. Not because you were uncomfortable but because you didn’t have much experience in general.

You set down the VHS tape you’d been looking at and reached a hand up to Joel’s cheek. His facial hair was softer than you expected and your brain immediately went to the gutter as you whipped through a hundred fantasies in one second. Joel pulls away to lay his rifle on the pile of boxes and separates himself from his coat.

“When’d it get so hot in here?” It’s a rhetorical question but the chuckle that escapes from his chest makes you weak in the knees. Your coat soon follows as you two meet again–only this time you’re much closer and it’s harder to ignore the growing heat pooling between your legs.

He lowers his head to your neck and begins dropping kisses and bites here and there, each time his teeth grasp your skin you gasp in surprise. You’re surprised by how much you like the pain. Joel’s hands explore your back and behind, he pulls you as close as he can and it’s so much in such a good way.

One arm slings over his shoulder and your other hand is pushing through the hair at the nape of his neck, “Oh my–” He bites at the bend between your neck and shoulder and it’s euphoric.

“Is there–some kinda sofa or somethin’ here?” Joel’s voice is deliciously airy and somehow sounds deeper than usual.

You nod and grab his hand, leading him to the basement. Once you make it down, the smell of weed hits you like a freight train–Eugene prides himself on his plants.

Joel’s eyes grow wide with surprise and it makes you giggle, “It’s something, ain’t it?” He nods in agreement as you push him onto the sofa lightly. Joel raises his eyebrows and watches as you straddle his lap, you guide his hands onto your hips. That’s about all you know about being sexy and it seems to do the trick because you can feel him beneath you.

His lips are on your neck again and you’re gripping his blue flannel trying to keep your composure, how can someone’s tongue alone feel so good? Instantly to the gutter. Joel uses his hold on your hips to rock you back and forth over his lap, his hard-on presses into you beautifully and it makes your eyes roll back.

“You’re so sensitive…” Embarrassment covers your face as you stare at him, “It’s sexy,” Joel adds and you feel a little better. “I mean it,” He lifts his hips to push into you and the moan you let out is completely accidental.

“Jesus Christ I might actually fucking explode.” Rambling is probably the worst thing you do in intimate moments. “That feels… god… I can’t explain it,” You dip your head to latch onto his neck, sucking and licking–listening to his breathing to see what he likes.

When you bite in that same spot he did earlier, you feel him twitch. You draw back and look at where your bodies meet, your mouth waters at the thought of giving him head. “I want you in my mouth.” You finally admit, eyes wide as you try to gauge his response.

Joel tilts his head and his eyes narrow which confuses you for only a second. “I’m not gonna lie to you and say I have the best endurance in the world–let me treat you first?”

You nod slowly, “Okay, J.”

“J?” You smile shyly and he sets a hand on your cheek, “You’re just full of surprises,”

You slide off of his lap and onto the sofa, your back on the armrest as Joel kicks off his shoes–you do the same. He hovers over you, kissing you deeply once more. You raise your head to chase after him and his chuckle kills you a little.

“I’ll be back up there soon enough, baby.” Your hips rut up into his frontside subconsciously which causes Joel’s ego to grow even larger, “You love it when I call you all kinds of pretty names, don’t ya?”

“You know I do, Joel.” He smirks deviously and kisses above your collar. He nudges your shoulder with his nose and you take that as a hint to remove your shirt. You pull it over your head and he’s watching you with those chocolate eyes again. The way he stares at you makes you feel so… naked.

It’s like he can hear your thoughts. “Your turn,” You joke but he takes it seriously–leaning back on his heels to unbutton the uppermost buttons and slide the shirt off. Joel’s build is wide and thick. His shoulders span wide and his thighs are muscular.

“How about you let me make you feel real good?” You bite your lip in anticipation as he unbuttons your jeans, and you aid him in pulling them down your legs. It’s wash day so you’re wearing a pair of skimpy lace underwear. His adam’s apple bobs up and down as he makes eye contact with the wet patch on your crotch.

Joel reaches a hand forward and brushes two fingers up the length of your crotch, your eyes flutter shut and you sigh. “Can I take these–”

“Please.” You beg before he can even finish his sentence.

He’s gentler with removing your underwear, you feel hot and heavy when he stares into your eyes as he sniffs the lace number (and moans after). Somehow that’s the hottest thing you’d ever seen. You sigh loudly and watch as he settles between your legs.

First he admires you for a good 15 seconds, you can’t help but run a hand through his hair as he gazes upon your sex. Then he’s sliding a finger through your wetness, quickly finding your clit and focusing his attention there. You can feel Joel watching for your reaction. The way you scrunch your nose up and bite your lip, or when your breath catches from the way he bites into your thigh.

“Do that again.” Joel licks your other thigh and bites, “More,” The pain builds in a beautiful way which makes you squirm.

“I haven’t even touched you properly, darling.”

Something makes you answer confidently, “Then stop teasing.” You demand and the way his eyes bore into yours makes you backtrack, “…please stop teasing…”

“Good.” Joel takes your request in stride and uses his fingers to part your lips in order to access your most sensitive parts.

The instant his mouth is on you, you feel something building inside. Joel uses his thumb and pointer finger to circle your clit and literally makes out with your sex. It’s loud and you know it’s messy but it feels so fucking good. The few times you’d been eaten out were shitty in comparison–any other intimacy you had with other people is shitty in comparison to Joel.

Joel grabs a hold of the tops of your thighs–dragging you closer to his mouth as he groans into you. The vibrations make you gasp and unintentionally pull on his hair. You feel an orgasm coming and coming up on you quickly.

“Fuck–I’m close. I’m so close–oh my god–”

Joel focuses his mouth on your clit and slides a finger inside you. He curls it upward and you’re cumming all over his face and hand. Joel helps you ride through your orgasm by pumping his finger slowly in and out of you, he’s not licking anymore–just smelling and the thought that he enjoys your scent so much makes you even hotter.

You’re breathing heavily and trying to ground yourself as Joel sucks your cum off of his finger. “What the fuck?” You chuckle and wipe a hand down your face.

He watches you carefully, “You okay?”

“Yes, I am. I’m very okay, I’m just–WOW.” Joel smirks at himself and you finally catch your breath, “That’s the best orgasm I’ve ever fucking had–” You reach for the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. The taste of yourself makes you groan against Joel’s mouth.

[rottenimagines]

Date night with Joel Miller before the outbreak

(Little disclaimer: English is not my native language, but I try my best, I promise♡).  

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➥ Joel is a huge passionate of music, so most likely he would take you to a concert of one of his favorite country or classic rock bands.

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➥ He'd spend throughout the ride telling you curious facts about the band; telling you what his favorite songs are… In short, how excited he is about the concert.

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➥ Joel's not really the outgoing kind of guy, so no matter how excited he feels inside, during the concert he'd try to contain himself. Which means it'd be your task to help him let himself go a bit.

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➥ After a little while, you two would already be moving to the rhythm of the music and singing the lyrics in unison.

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➥ He'd take advantage of the slow, romantic songs to wrap your waist and pull your body closer to his, without saying a word; simply enjoying having you by his side at an important moment for him.

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➥ If during the concert someone started to bother you, either by some accidental shove or maybe some groper asshole, he wouldn't hesitate for a second to start a fight to protect you. He's 100% the type of guy who wouldn't let a fly land on his girl.

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➥ At the end of the concert, he'd drive you to his place. He'd wearing a t-shirt from the band's merch, of course; while you both sing the most popular songs at the top of your lungs inside his car.

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➥ Halfway home, he'd make a short stop at a drive-thru to buy something for dinner.

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➥ Sarah would have stayed overnight in a friend's house to leave the house all to yourselves; perfectly convenient.

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➥ Once at his home, you two would eat all that fast food in front of the tv, watching any random movie or show, since the only movies in the house are Sarah's cheesy teen movies. Joel is more into collecting vinyls than dvds.

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➥ Gradually, your casual conversation would lead to naughty teasings. His hand would begin to caress you in a more bold way until before you know it, you would already be making out with so much eagerness  on his couch, while the rest of the food gets cold over the coffe table.

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➥ The empty sound of the tv would soon begin to be muffed by the sound of your accelerated breathing and moans.

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➥ He'd pull on you to make you sit astride his lap, so he can start undressing you with his hands still greasy because of the fries.

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➥ Your cute date would end with you two fucking on his couch, making a big mess which he'll have to clean up in the morning before his daughter gets home.

[femlesbianbarbie]

Side Effects

Abby Anderson x Female Reader

Summary: The Side Effects Abby gets after she gets the serum

Tags: Fever Abby, Thigh Grinding, Hair pulling,

This is definitely not my best work so if you see mistakes just Nicely comment on them and I will fix them.

“This could change the entire world. This could fix so much.” Abby’s thumb rubs over the back of your hand as she speaks. No matter how much you argue comforting you is still her top priority.

“ We don’t even know how your body would react. It could kill you.” There is no telling how Abby's body would react. She could be perfectly fine or she could end up dead.

“ I could get killed walking in the stadium. If I do this I have a real chance of protecting.”

“You already are protecting people you work like a dog on patrol.”

“I do it to keep you safe if I didn’t know one would.”

“Abby”

“ I know it’s scary it’s scary for me too. This is the next step we would have a real chance of gaining ground back with this. I need to do it if not for you and me then for our future children. I have a chance to make the world a safer place and I want to take it.”

“ do it” The words barely make it out of your mouth before the tears start falling. “I love you baby”

“Love you too honey bee” you mumble as she wraps you up into a hug. You savor the feeling of her arms holding you tight.

——————————————-—————

“Have you seen Abby? I haven’t seen her since this morning and I’m getting a little worried.” You ask cornering Nora so she can’t run away from you like so many people seem to be doing today.

“Last I saw her Isaac was helping her back to your room.” Nora can’t seem to make eye contact with you as she speaks.

“ why was Isaac helping her” a suspicion growing inside of you. “ she passed out that’s all I know. Now I need to get back to work,” Nora pushes passed you and runs down the hall. You need to find your girlfriend and figure out what is going on.

“ Abby” you shout as you enter your room. The only response you get is a groan. you slide off your shoes and hurry to the bed. Abby looks like she just got hit by a bus. Her hair is sweaty and sticking to her forehead. Your entire bed is soaked in sweat.

“ abs” you mutter pressing the back of your hand against her forehead. Her skin feels as if it’s about to boil right off. She lets out a choked noise as you pull your hand away.

“I knew this was a bad idea look at you” you pace slightly trying to think. Your body suddenly feels too hot to think. All you want to do is climb in bed with your girl and comfort her while you can. You don't have time for that you need to figure out how to help her.

“Baby” Abs calls her voice hoarse. “ what is it honey” You quickly sit down on the bed next to her. “ hold me” she whispers her voice even more raspy than the first time. You can't say no to especially when she looks so pained.

“Okay baby” You crawl under the sheets and Abby immediately snuggles her face into your chest. You wrap your arms around her and just hold her as her breathing evens out.

You must have fallen asleep because the next thing you now Abby’s is overtop of you. Her breath is hot against you face as you wake up. “Abs” you mumble trying to sit up.

“ shh shh don’t move. Need you so bad” The words are quickly followed by a whimper as she grinds down against your thigh.

“ abs you're sick” She first stops if anything she gets more aggressive with her grinding. “ I’m not sick.” She growls nuzzling her face into your neck.

“Abby” you run a hand through her hair as she mouthed at your skin. “Please. Let me come.” She pulls her face back just enough for you to see those puppy dog eyes. God, you can't say no to this woman.

“ if you want to come you need to work for it.” You barely get the words out before Abby is sitting up and grinding aggressively against your thigh.

“Need you” she whispers her hips stuttering but never stopping. “What do you need” she lets out a low moan as you tug on a hair. “ that need that” she whispers her hips picking up speed.

“Let me cum, please. Need it so bad” she whimpers dragging your hand from her hair to rest over her heart. “ cum do it for me “Her thighs tighten around Hers before she collapses down her face in your chest.

“Abs “ you whisper your hand stroking her hair. “Baby” you tilt her up slightly to look at her face. She passed out which is just amazing for you. “What in the fuck” you groan slumping back against the wall. Isaac is going to have a lot of explaining to do.

————————————————————

“ you should have mentioned this was a possible side effect” you argue. “ I didn’t know it would effect her this bad. You can’t be that mad about it besides she should slow down in a day or two.”

“I don’t have a day or two I have to be back at work this afternoon.” you rub a hand down your face in frustration. “It’s not a problem I will get you the next two days off. Just get Abby back into her right mindset” Isaac pats you on the back on his way out the door. You can barely hold back the urge to punch him in his dumb face.

As soon as you step out of Isaac’s office Abby is standing in front of you. “ hey baby” she takes your hand and raises it up to rest on her cheek. “You're mad. Did I make you upset” The way she looks up at you as you just kicked a puppy in front of her has you wiping the glare right off your face. “ No sweetheart. Isaac just wasn’t being very helpful so I’m a little frustrated”

“I could make you feel all better” Her voice has a teasing lilt to it. “Not right now we need to get you and me some food and a shower.” The pout covering Abby’s face makes you want to retract your statement but you can’t. Much to Abby’s dislike she cannot solely exist off of pussy.

I will probably write more for this AU. I just need more ideas. Feel free to send in requests for this AU

[toointojoelmiller]

play something new: a last of us one-shot

Sarah and Joel have a sweet domestic moment together in th backyard... just before his birthday :( gosh I love them.

1k words

read on ao3 here

----

The screen door slams behind him, and he jumps - drops the bike chain, lubricant smearing up his forearm. He cranks his head around to see - Sarah in her hoodie and track pants, barefoot on the patio.

It isn’t every day that she wants him to play for her - so when he registers that she’s holding onto his guitar, he raises an eyebrow.

“Hey kiddo,” he says. He sets down what he’s holding and tries to wipe some of the grease off his hands and arms - smudging dark stains onto his nearly worn to death jeans.

She flops onto their bench swing, laying the guitar down next to her. “Hey. What are you doing?”

He walks over, stretching out his back. “Just - getting our bikes tuned up a bit - thought we might go out this weekend, if you’re up for it. As a birthday present for me?”

She laughs at him. “Dad - I’ll go for a bike ride with you - you don’t have to extort me.”

He flashes her a grin as he moves the guitar aside, leaning it against the wall, and sits down next to her - “Alright, good to know. I’ll cash it in for somethin’ else then.”

She rolls her eyes and rocks the swing back and forth a little bit with her toes - they sit in the quiet for a few moments, listening to the bugs humming.

“You want me to see if Uncle Tommy can come with us?” He asks eventually.

She nods - “Sure. Sounds fun. Then I won’t feel bad when I leave both of you in the dust - you can keep each other company.”

He snorts as he thinks about the last time the three of them went biking - the split chin Tommy had to get stitched up after a poorly thought out race home with Sarah and a way too enthusiastic attempt to jump a curb - “I’ll ask him."

“Speaking of -” she says, “Your birthday breakfast - we decided we’re gonna have pancakes. I don’t think we have any stuff though.”

“Alright, pancake mix - on it,” he says. “You two plottin’ anythin’ else about my birthday?” 

She shakes her head. “Nah - not yet anyway.” 

“Well, you got a couple days,” he says as he scratches his chin, looking at her. “You all done playin’ for the night?”

She shakes her head - “Just needed some air.” Chews her lip a bit, a furrow in her brow that makes Joel frown.

“Everything alright?”

“I can’t get it,” she groans in dismay, throwing her head back dramatically - he almost laughs, but knows she won’t appreciate it - “I’ve been trying for hours - and I just - it’s like my fingers won’t do what I want ‘em to. I’m no good at it.”

“You’ll get it, kiddo - just takes time. You’re plenty good. Ke -"

“Keep practicing, I know,” she grumbles, cutting him off. “Uuuugh. Practicing sucks.”

He can’t hold in a chuckle -

“And now you’re laughing at me, too,” she says, tossing a hand over her eyes. But her shoulders are shaking too as she laughs along.

“Nah - really, though, baby - I’m sorry. I know the feelin’ - it ain’t fun,” he says, putting an arm around her and giving her a squeeze. “Which one are you tryin’?”

“The - you know the one that’s like,” she mimics a little tune - “Duh-nuh nuh nuh nuh -" and he’s fighting not to laugh again - can’t help it, sometimes she’s just so damn cute.

“Right - “ he says, no clue at all what song she’s talking about - “Halican Drops?”

It’s a safe guess and it pays off as she nods.

“Well - you’ll get it baby. Maybe just need a break. Sometimes if you try for too long you can end up getting worked up about it and - just makes it harder. Maybe better to start fresh another time.”

“Yeah,” she mumbles. “I guess.” It’s quiet for another minute. He moves the hand around her shoulder up, playing with her hair a bit.

And then she looks at him, doe eyed. “Will you play something for me?”

A question he’s never said no to. He can’t help the grin that spreads cross his face, that she’ll still ask - growing so fast it makes him dizzy - a full-blooded teenager now, and still sitting out back with her dad, wanting to hear him play. Special, sweet - not a day goes by he isn’t floored by how lucky he is. 

“Of course,” he says, trying not to gloat over it - his heart swelling in his chest. “Any special requests?” He gets the strap slung over his head, takes a second to adjust the tuning -

Sarah shrugs, tucking her feet up on the bench, wrapping her arms around her knees. “Something new. What were you playing last night?”

He’s suddenly a bit sheepish - almost blushes. “Ah - you heard that? Thought I was bein’ quiet - sorry.”

She shakes her head at him -“No, I liked it - it sounded nice. The little bit I heard, anyway. What was it?”

He opens his mouth, but she gets a sly smile as she cuts him off to say - “Wait, wait - let me guess - more Pearl Jam?”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he says with a scoff as she throws her head back and cackles.

“Oh my god, Dad - you seriously need to branch out.”

He’s laughing, too - can’t help it, she’s contagious - “You want me to play or you want to tease me about my taste in music some more?”

She wiggles a bit to get comfortable, tucks some of her hair behind her ears. “Play, play! Can you - do you mind doin’ the one from last night? It sounded cool. There was a part I really liked.”

“Anythin’ for you, kiddo,” he says seriously, and she beams that smile at him that makes everything in the world ok. “Fair warning, though - I don’t have it nearly figured out, yet. Just came out - only played it through a few times. Was gonna play it for you, eventually, just - don’t be surprised if you hear me fillin’ in a lot -”

She nods eagerly. He takes a minute to run his eyes over her face - hopes she never stops looking at him like this - before he clears his throat, strums the first few bars - breath in -

“If I ever were to lose you -”