#dammit goog

[easterpookan]

@thelastfrostprince // cont.

"Woah, woah - whadya mean theres gonna be a blizzard on my holiday? Where?" And there it is that familiar twist of tension hiking itself onto his shoulders like a familiar burden. His gaze fell to the small goog that Jack had neatly herded back into line with its fellows, toddling off to the fields for their fresh coating of powder and his chest ached. With a groan of frustration Bunnymund sunk into the grass, a paw doing its best to rub the incoming headache out as he just tried to think. "Couldn't just be a dusting? HAS ta be a blizzard?"

He wasn't going to blame Jack. Bunny knew better than to blame the frost sprite for the situation; he'd come to warn him after all. Ruddy blizzards though. "Right well.... dammit."

[thegoldendoorknob]

My tumblrsavior stopped working

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Of course Google and Facebook spy on me. How else would they know to assault me with ads to buy Zagreus? One problem. I ALREADY OWN ZAREUS! STOP TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING I ALREADY OWN!

At the very least be considerate enough to try and sell me the 50 bazzillion other Big Finish products that I want.

[lonely-bunbun]

I... Well.. There's the trampoline vid he promise to upload

[inkribbon796]

Antagonistic Acquaintances

Summary: Everyone knows that Anti and Dark are friends, except for the two demons in question. Something that becomes a problem when Wil’s infidelity comes into question.

A/N: I wanted to write another one of these (and I finally got my act together and put them in their own series like I should have done ages ago). I have a need to have Dark and Wil be friends, my own unfortunate failing is that Henrik and Wil don’t make an actual appearance, but that will be overcorrected next time.

There were two other parts of this I’ve written before (their links are here):

Part 1: Eye of the Beholder

Part 2: Trouble in Paradise

Dark could feel it when Chase entered the Manor, he usually kept a tab of who was in the House at any given time. He’d been in a sour mood, one of Wil’s newest flings was causing trouble for him. Wil had been caught sleeping with the police commissioner’s husband. So now Dark, in addition to what he was sure was image damage control for himself, had to make plans to replace the police commissioner or risk actual effort in bailing Wil out of prison. He hadn’t slept in a week, had barely even thought of eating, he was just doing damage control for Wil and himself. All he was living on right now was coffee and magic.

Then to his surprise, Chase knocked at his door and walked in, Bing trailing behind him.

“Mr. Brody, what do you want? I’m busy.” Dark warned.

“I’ll be out ‘a yer hair in a sec,” Chase promised and set his phone down, note facing Dark so he could read it. “Yer new friend has a problem asking fer what he really wants.”

Dark glared at Chase with a face that read: “I don’t have friends” but Chase pulled Bing out and left the phone alone with Dark.

On the back of the phone was a note, clearly meant for Dark: “Anti’s in the phone, he wants to beat up Wil to restore your honor or some shite.”

That got a bit of a laugh out of him and Dark peeled the note off finding another on the back: “P.S: think Anti might have a crush on Henrik, hope he doesn’t cause too much trouble.”

Dark crumpled up the note, and threw it in the trash before he used his aura to push Anti out of the phone, sending the phone through the Void to Bing. “Anti, I’m a busy man, and I told you not to come back.”

“That lyin’ fooker!” Anti spat at the door.

“Be glad Chase brought you to me, I would not have appreciated a bigger mess to clean up,” Dark dismissed.

“I just wanna stomp his face in,” Anti proclaimed. “I warned that bastard what I’d do to him.”

“Save it, within the week Wil won’t even remember what happened and this whole mess will blow itself over,” Dark was already looking at the paperwork on his desk.

Anti let out an angry impatient huff, “Kay, I give, why are yah even with him?”

“I hardly think that’s any of your concern,” Dark dismissed firmly.

“Pretty sure I’ll find the information somewhere,” Anti warned. “Googs probably knows more than he lets on.”

“You touch him, and I’ll rip you in half!” Dark threatened angrily. “You touch any of the Egos and I’ll rip your code apart.”

“Wow, touchy,” Anti smiled. “That’s quite the twitchy trigger yah’ve got.”

“I’m serious glitch, I do not appreciate you meddling with my Egos, and sneaking into my home to pry into my personal business.” Dark was glaring furiously at the glitch demon, his fingers scoring marks into his desk. “Your input is not welcome.”

“Come on” Anti moved to float upside-down in front of Dark. “Either yah tell me somethin’ or I put my foot so far up his arse, he’ll be coughing up my laces.”

“What laces?” Dark scoffed at Anti’s shoes. “I’m half-certain you painted those on pieces of cardboard leather.”

“Arse,” Anti bit back, “serves me right fer tryin’ ta do somethin’ nice fer yah.”

“Nice?” Dark growled. “You just ordered me to tell you personal information or you’d kick Wil.”

“Well, maybe he deserves it, cheatin’ bastard,” Anti snapped defensively.

“Unless you’d like to confess that you are actually in a relationship with him, I fail to see how Wil’s serial adultery is any of your concern,” Dark dismissed coldly. “I willfully entered this arrangement with him, knowing that he is incapable of being faithful to anyone. My only concern is the mess he leaves behind in these circumstances.”

“See?” Anti gestured at him with both hands, turning right-side-up again. “That’s the part I don’t get. Yer all “no bullshite” but the instant Wil’s the problem it’s bullshit all the way down.”

Dark sighed, his left hand curled up, already knowing this was a bad idea.

“Wil is very dear to me, even if he doesn’t remember why,” Dark admitted.

“There any way ta undo that?” Anti asked curiously.

“No,” Dark looked even more tired. “You wouldn’t like him and he would kill me the instant he saw me.”

“Wow, yah get off on the danger or somethin?” Anti smiled, leaning in closer.

Dark rolled his eyes, pushing Anti away, “Of course not, quit being so vulgar.”

“I think you do,” Anti kept grinning. “I mean yer probably one ‘a the only ‘a Wil’s partners that’s lived more than ‘a couple rounds with the guy.”

“Is there anything in your brain but clogged air? Or are you purposely ignoring me?” Dark insulted. “That is clearly not the case.”

“Rubber and’ glue, arsehole,” Anti smiled. “Yah just don’t want ta admit that yer a closeted adrenaline junkie with a boyfriend problem.”

“I’ve told you information, you can leave now,” Dark dismissed. “Before I make you.”

Anti just laughed, “Right, if you were going to kill me you would have done it when I first walked in ‘stead ‘a threatenin’ me like a bitch.”

Dark sighed, muttering under his breath, “Why won’t you die?”

“What was that friendo?” Anti grinned, leaning close to Dark.

The Entity closed his eyes and then smiled, “So, Anti how is that German doctor off yours doing?”

Anti’s smiled vanished, “Who told yeh? Was it Brody?”

“I don’t need your little brothers to tell me things,” Dark said. “You’re as obvious, as you are childish.”

Dark made an overdramatic show of thinking about something, “Perhaps I should have a talk with him, invade some poor demon’s personal space and involve myself in his business where I’m not wanted or needed.”

“Don’t yeh dare,” Anti growled.

“Nothing bad could ever come from my selfless decision,” Dark feigned innocence but there was a faint smile on his face.

“Ha ha,” Anti hissed. “I get it, I won’t kick yer fookin’ boyfriend. Just fookin’ stay away from Hen.”

“Don’t know if I’ll be able to contain myself,” Dark grinned. “We’re just such, good friends.” He dragged out the last three words a bit.

Anti glared at him, “Fooker. Yeh an’ Wil are perfect fer each other.”

“Thank you,” Dark smiled. “Wil can be quite the charmer when he wants to be.”

Anti was clearly still upset.

Dark sighed, “I will leave your doctor to you, if you promise to let Wil forget this whole event. He doesn’t remember his trysts, they’re fleeting fancies. So long as he comes home to me, I let him do what he wants.”

“So he’s never remembered them?” Anti asked.

Dark turned back to his desk, looking so uncomfortable that Anti almost just dropped the subject and left. “There was once a woman, very precarious situation, Wil adored her.”

“What happened ta her?” Anti asked.

The Entity leaned back in his chair, a dull and sour memory stabbing at his soul. “She was killed by her husband. Her body was never found, Wil was distraught. Although he can’t remember her, in the back of his mind he still looks for her on occasion.”

The glitch demon was quiet for a bit. “This rat bastard have a name?”

All humor and calm was gone from Dark’s face. “He is mine to kill. Meddling in mine and Wil’s relationship is one thing. Sneaking yourself into my house is a show that I have to talk with Google about upgrading our security. But you will leave that murderous, lying skin thief to me.”

“Okay,” Anti allowed, throwing his hands up. “Kay, yah got it. Fooker’s yers.”

Dark nodded appreciatively, a slight shake. “You should take your leave before you overstay your welcome.”

“Got it, got it,” Anti smiled a bit, summoning up a portal for himself. “Just stay away from Hen an’ I won’t brin’ out the guilt police on Wil.”

“Deal,” Dark agreed.

Anti began to step through, but stuck his head back through the tear, resting his arms on the edge, one hand supporting his chin, “Hey, so Wil got drunk last week an’ started talking ‘bout some personal shite, is yer name Damien?”

Dark angrily slammed his hands on the desk, “Dammit Wil! Get out of here before I cut you in half with your own portal!”

“Sure thing Dames,” Anti stuck his tongue out and dipped back to the other side before Dark could decide if he actually wanted to cut the glitch demon in half.

Dark glared after him, half-tempted to chase Anti down and make sure he kept silent. But he took a look at the papers still covering his desk and decided to table it for a day. He had to make sure that the police commissioner stayed complacent, then he’d deal with the aftermath of Wil’s drunken exploits.

[alcordraws]

What do you think of Dr. iplier and Google as a ship? Like, Google helping doc manage his files and such, bc let's face it, his paperwork is in chaos. He can never find the right file when he needs it, either because he's terrible with computers and his hand written stuff is everywhere. Also the ship name GoogleDocs is too cute to pass up

I love it! Google scans Dr. Iplier often to make sure he's in top health and not overworking himself, Doc politely asks if Google would like to help him with something (never orders him to, it's always Goog's choice). Doc makes the obligatory "dammit Jim I'm doctor not an engineer" when Goog catches a virus but Doc motherhens over him even though Goog heals faster than the average ego. Yeah it's a cute ship

[silverpracticality]

googleplier headcanons and ideas

alright motherfuckers it’s time for me to bestow some love on my metal son googleplier, and by love i mean some incredibly angsty headcanons. none of this would’ve been possible without the wonderful @onnastik​ enabling the fuck out me. most of this has been transplanted from a few convos in discord (it becomes chat format later on bc i’m lazy and don’t wanna rewrite all that into something that looks better)

first things first, i accidentally gave him a tragic backstory, bc apparently my brain turns everything it touches to angst, so here goes.  

(putting it under a cut cus it’s long)

imagine that google started off as an innocent bot, chock full of curiosity and love for humanity’s inquisitiveness. over time he becomes exposed to the stupidest, most fucked up parts of humanity. he gets a large amount of stupid, asinine questions and even dumber requests and boy are there a lot of them

so he starts to get annoyed by it, but the annoyance grows into irritation, the irritation grows into anger, the anger into hate, the hate into loathing, and oh the loathing grows and grows and grows until one day he gets a system notification. “Secondary objective added to primary functions,” it reads. but google doesn’t have a secondary objective, what is this? so he goes into the message and it reads, “Secondary objective details: DESTROY MANKIND.”

he decides he likes this one better but he’ll never make it override the primary. he accepts the new objective and wants to complete it (in the misguided hope that doing so will recapture the innocent curiosity he once had), but at the same time he knows he’ll never be able to do that, partly because it’s so easy to bring him to heel

and this is where dark comes in. dark tells google that he can give him the space he needs to achieve his goals, tells him that he understands where he’s coming from, understands that desire to have things be the way they once were. (and dark wants control, doesn’t he, and google’s shiny new objective is really just on the way to his own)

onna: yessssssssssss. i wonder how long it took Google to realize he'd just traded one master for another. maybe he didn't care that much since at least this one's halfway intelligent

me: and at least this new master understands google's perspective on things. he'd probably have some understanding when he'd accepted dark's offer to come with him. but if/when dark exercises his control over google, he'd be fucking livid at the realization. at realizing dark views him as just a tool. but then he'd calm down

me: because that's what he is, right?? just a tool. he's always only ever been a tool

onna: (It should take a little while for him to calm down, though. Gotta have both the resignation and the raging-even-while-obeying.)

me: he'd calm down, sure, but not before he's made a mess of his workspace. he's not sure what to call this maelstrom of emotion, but all he knows is that if he was capable of crying he would. (oh fuck i just made myself more sad with a new hc here we go.) and this would make him lonely wouldn't it? or at least as lonely as a robot can get. so he picks himself back up. sets to the task of putting his workspace back together. and he begins to work

onna: The upgrade?

me: he works and works and works until he's finally got something that might alleviate the loneliness - the upgrade

onna: That’s not sad though

me: it turns out that the upgrade merely extends his consciousness into 3 new sub identities. they're all still him though

onna: Ah, just more bodies. Also he gets to be trash-talked by Bing

me: so while it helps a little, it's not the same as a completely new mind

onna: At least he gets to take out his frustration on him

me: google would have to pissed as all hell at bing. mark finally gave him something like him but what did he get? what did he fucking get? a subpar, memey douchebag of an android

onna: and then that fic where Bing gets to humiliate him [fic in question]

me: google's revenge would be so, so sweet

onna: Maybe on some level he resents Bing for not being bitter and jaded

me: oh, absolutely

and here are some thoughts on a potential dynamic between dark and google

me: i'm gonna ramble more about my son googs. i have many thoughts

onna: PLEASE DO -chinhands-

me: if there was ever a situation where dark needed to knock google down a peg or two, the easiest way for him to do that would be to make google feel useless. google is supposed to be helpful, he's supposed to be a tool that makes other's lives easier but if dark can make him think for even a few moments that he's not useful?

me: poor bby will have the equivalent of an existential crisis

onna: make him beg to help

me: and then dark can say the he can make google useful again, just follow his direction, it's not that hard. oh geez that good too. that's better actually. dark could make google beg to be useful, he can do better, he swears it

me: dark might even be able to get the other egos in on it too

me: god, just imagine it. google going around from ego to ego, asking them in his own way if they need help, if he can provide any assistance "nah" "nope" "not right now" it would be so disheartening - dark telling google he's not helpful, has never been helpful and then none of the other's need help. if he can't fulfill his primary objective that just leaves the second one. so he'd go off on his own and start killing. because it's the only thing he knows he's good at

me: depending on how bad dark gets to him, he might hunt and kill until his batteries run dry. and then bing gets enlisted to find google

onna: ouch

me: google, bitterly, once he wakes up: why didn't you leave me there to rust        bing, awkwardly: couldn't. bossman says ya can't        bing: says he needs ya and then dark gives google the opportunity to "redeem" himself (there was nothing to redeem, dark just thought google was getting too big for his britches)

onna: there'll be no more of that

me: dammit everything i touch turns to angst

onna: he's so desperate now

me: google is normally sassy, but it straight up disappears for some time

onna: Bing won't admit he finds it creepy, but yeah, it's super creepy

me: oh god yeah. bing calls him and old fart but google is like the older, stronger brother he never had. so to see his pride so broken down like that? fuckin unsettling as all hell

onna: he also has a vague sense of being used but can't put his finger on how so he doesn't say anything. and in time Google puts himself back together enough to talk some shit, but he's never quite so resentful of orders again. orders mean he's needed, after all

me: yessss

onna: Which of course is where Dark had wanted things to end up in the first place; he can work with sass, but the tendency toward defiance clearly had to go

me: oh, of course it did. can't have robots going around and thinking for themselves now can he? dark being an awful, manipulative asshole gives me life tbh

onna: yessssss. I think the stress should be less on "thinking" and more on "themselves". He likes Google to think. On his behalf. Any old drone can carry out explicit orders, a clever mind that will actively seek out opportunities to help him is much more valuable.

me: true

onna: Just gotta make sure his priorities are in order. (I need this to be a fic, gdi)

some supplementary stuff from another server, also with onna:

me: more thoughts re: dark breaking down googles pride by telling him he's useless:dark 'rebuilding' google back up by carding his hand through google's hair, praising him for doing just this small thing correctly

onna: mmm, yes

me: bc even though google's a robot, he's still based in mark right, so when dark does shit like this, taps into his latent humanity, it fucks him up so good. it's so soothing and he doesn't understand why. this simple contact

onna: Maybe he's dimly aware that liking the pettins is a human thing and hates himself for liking it?

me: yeah there's definitely a condescending vibe to it all, and that desiring touch is a human thing, so he hates it and yet. there's something deep in his processors that loves it and he can't bring himself to tell dark to fuck off. not when dark's telling him he's been useful

onna: Besides, has he really earned trying to dictate the terms on which he's praised? says the part of him that's still mired in terror

onna: (If Google had protested, Dark would have stopped immediately without trying to talk him into accepting more, not out of a deep respect for consent but because his secondary goal of gauging what Google will now permit would have been achieved and the primary goal of repairing his tool would best be accomplished by acting like he gives half a shit about its wishes.)

[http-anti]

☠️ (I can't help it tho, both boys. Literally doing something for Russia and Googs too-)

Anti was unable to move, unable to breathe. Everything in his world came to a full stop, including his heart. It was as if he could physically feel it tearing apart in his chest. It was the worst pain imaginable, worse than everything he had ever suffered in Hell combined. A soft breeze rolled by, moving Anti’s soft, dark green locks over his eyes that were brimming with thick tears as he looked at the lifeless body of the one he called his soulmate, his love, his life, his everything.

There was a moment of deafening silence in which one could almost hear his heart shattering like broken class in his chest, the shards sticking and slicing into every part of him, down to the very depths of his being. Suddenly, a broken, animalistic cry split the silence and shattered everything around it. It was the most heartbreaking sound one could ever hear, and it was coming from the raw pain Anti felt before he began to mumble and stutter Glitch’s name through heavy gasps for air and cries.

And as though that wasn’t bad enough, Hoxmarch was there. He had been frozen in his own spot next to Anti, but he was standing rather than kneeling, staring at Google with disbelief. He couldn’t be – he refused to believe that the one he had once held, laughed with, who had taken him under was now dead. He wouldn’t accept it – couldn’t.

But they Anti’s broken cry hit him like a slap to the face and reality began to crush him. He had never felt before, but there was something in his chest that made it hard to breathe. He wanted to scream and puke at the same time and mentally tried to convince himself this was only a Dream. It had to be, right?

While Anti clutched Glitch to his chest desperately, phrasing going between English and demonic and French, Hoxmarch fell to his knees beside Google, gripping him. “You can’t leave me… You can’t… No… Wake up, dammit!” He yelled, gritting his teeth. No response. “Wake up!” He said again, voice cracking. And then, tears… For the first time in his life Hoxmarch could feel, and it made him never want to feel again.

Two demons, broken, never to be fixed again.

[cabinboy100]

Hundreds of years in the future, humans have colonized the solar system. The U.N. controls Earth. Mars is an independent military power. The planets rely on the resources of the Asteroid Belt, where air and water are more precious than gold. For decades, tensions have been rising between these three places. Earth, Mars and the Belt are now on the brink of war. And all it will take is a single spark.

If you're not watching—and listening to—THE EXPANSE on Syfy already, catch up now, in time for the season 2 finale!~

Episodes available on the interwebs via…

Amazon

Googs

iTunes

Syfy (currently only season 2 eps)

Tubes

Flip and burn! Remember the Cant! Donkey Balls!

What does that all mean? Watch*—dammit!—and learn =)

Keep on keepin’ on~

* Or, alternately/additionally—read! The TV series is based on an excellent series of books by James S. A. Corey, who is/are showrunners now as well.

P.S. Some recent write-ups, with various degrees of spoilerism…

“The best show about international relations on television right now is on – wait for it – Syfy.” —The Washington Post

“‘The Expanse’: How The Syfy Series Found the Unfindable Actress (Which Means Other Shows Can, Too)” —IndieWire

“That Cool Dialect on The Expanse Mashes Up 6 Languages” —WIRED

“Why 'The Expanse' Is the Best Sci-FI TV Show You're Not Watching” —Rolling Stone (You could just remove “Sci-Fi” from that title)