#danger ehren x reader

[dangerehrenn]

duddddeeee okay so imagine reader is put in a kinda sexy outfit for a prank and the members are all just flustered as fuck while talking and teasing her

i LOVE this

fem!reader, kinda went off track lol sorryyyy

when you fluster (?) the guys

you’re wearing a nurse outfit you found in your trailer

but the skirt is far too short and the shirt is a tad bit too tight

you know you were put in this outfit to be a ‘distraction’

you don’t mind it though

all eyes are on you and you’re loving it

you’re not sure who’s idea it was, your bet is on spike

regardless of who’s idea it was, it’s getting lots of positive reactions

you casually walk up to the boys who are all sat in an almost circle, talking about stunts they have to do or have done in the past

knoxville is speaking as you walk towards them but he instantly loses his train of thought

not seeing you, bam starts to make fun of johnny for it while taking a sip of his beer

but chokes slightly as he notices you, cheeks going red as you give him a knowing look

“where’s this little get up from?” chris says

“dunno, it was in my trailer with a note saying for me to put it on”

“ok, who’s idea was this?” dave says after looking you up and down, trying his hardest to avoid eye contact

steveo wolf whistles you, telling you to spin

“yeah y/n, spin” wee man says

you do a spin and you hear murmurs of “damn” and “holy shit”

suddenly ehren has to excuse himself, causing the boys to erupt into laughter

“where you going ehren?” bam shouts

“no where!! it- it’s unrelated!”

you take a seat next to preston and ryan

and you fully realise that all your friends have a staring problem

and they all have slight blushes on their faces

it boosts your ego though, so you cant really complain

“you ever find out who left you that outfit? tell me, i wanna thank them personally” knoxville says with a smirk and a laugh

[b0nerf4rt]

how they deal with an S/O who goes silent when overwhelmed

including : steveo , danger ehren , bam margera , and ryan dunn

warnings : afab! , swearing

steve o :

- 100% does not understand why youve gone quiet

- thinks your giving him the silent treatment

- "did i do something wrong ?!?!"

- but you just shake your head with a smile and he spirals into even more confusion

- wont let you out of his sight until you start talking again

- aggressively overprotective of you when your in a silent mood

- doesn't let anyone talk to you because if you wont talk to him you can't talk to anybody

- butters you up with affection thinking that would fix you but honestly the constant touching kind of makes the overwhelming feeling worst

- but at the same time it makes it better because you know he's there for you and waiting for you to feel better

- if all you want is space you better be prepared to hide because this little worried love bug isn't going to leave you alone until you tell him what's wrong

bam :

- honestly annoyed by your silence

- and hes very vocal about it

- so try to distance yourself from this man when you go mute

- but he'd ask if your okay first

- and after you nod your head he'd start complaining about how silent youve gotten

- and if you dont talk for a while he'd slowly get bored of complaining

- then he'd ask if you were okay again, not quite believing you

- but you just nod your head again because you knew you wouldnt be able to find your voice to explain anything

- at this point hed stare at you like you lost your mind when his head goes to the worst situations

- "are you pregnant?!" he asked while shaking you visiously

- that got a little giggle out of you but you shook your head

- from then on he'd start trying to guess whats wrong because he noticed how youd only laugh and not talk

- but those little noises were enough to appease him for now

ehren :

- thinks you dont feel good

- "is everything okay? are you feeling alright?" with geniune concern

- honestly so worried

- will spend hours pampering you the best way he could possibly think of, still believing you dont feel well

- forces you to lay in bed or on the couch with thousands of blankets and pillows and stuffies

- turns on cartoons and cheesy romance movies for you

- which is honestly the best for when your in this type of mood in my opinion

- and his constant checking of your temperature by putting the back of his hand to your forehead or by using his lips is almost heart melting

- he'll make you either tomato soup or chicken noodle soup thats been sitting in your cabinet for years

- but he says canned food never goes old

- so you trust him and eat it all, wanting to ask for some grilled cheese too but you couldnt find your voice sadly

- by the end of the day your feeling better but still not talking, and ehren noticed that

- he'll end up just cuddling with you on the couch for the rest of the night watching the cartoons and romanve movies he put on

ryan :

- asks if your okay, but when you dont respond he'll give you some space

- by space i mean him not talking to you but still hanging around you

- he'd distract the people that tried to talk to you so theyd leave you alone

- his general presence is nice and his gestures are even nicer, even if you didnt understand what he was doing at first

- will bring you little gifts like sweets or lemonade

- if your in public he'd direct you to a more unpopulated area and sit down with you

- if your at home he'd have you lay down in bed and maybe read to you or turn the tv on while he lays with you

- "my mom used to read to me when i wasn't in a good mood and that always helped" hed inform you while holding up to different picture books for you to choose from

- it was kind of odd at first but it was a sweet gesture that kind of made things calm down

- he is completely willing to baby you for the time being even if you dont want to be babied

- mama ryan knows best

[myoddessy]

BESTIE WOULD YOU DO PLATONIC JACKASS HC'S FOR YOU BEING NEW CREW FOR JACKASS FOREVER THATS THE YOUNGEST ON SET? IM SORRY IM JUST EXCITED

DONT APOLOGISE BABY THIS EXACT THOUGHT WAS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHEN WATCHING FOREVER AND 4.5 !!

BEING THE YOUNGEST CAST MEMBER OF JACKASS FOREVER !!

recruitment !

let's say you're about 24 when the main part of jackass forever filming takes to place, meaning you're about 6 years younger than the youngest person before you ( zach, i'm pretty sure because he's 30 )

maybe i'm just blinded by my love for him, but i feel like spike would be the one to recruit you

i'm thinking that you're a stunt double that worked a lot on action movies / projects that required someone willing to do a lot of hardcore stuff

and maybe spike just so happens to be friends with the director of the project you're working on and sees you at work and before he even realises what's happening, his phone is out and he's texting tremaine

you were probably one of the last to be recruited out of the new cast tbh

but you fit right in as soon as you met everyone, and they probably forget that you're younger than them the second they talk to you

filming !

i feel like johnny would be one of the only ones to mention your age, and even then it's just to volunteer you for harsh stunts

"you've got youthful bones, kiddo." "johnny, you just got ragdolled by a bull."

oh and he also uses your age to blame you for petty pranks he pulls because "you're young and that means it's easier for you to run away from the victim."

you and rachel are best friends, not just because the only women cast members have to stick together, but i feel like you'd just sync well

a lot of duo stunts with you and rachel because you're trained to not give a shit and she just generally doesn't give a shit

skits with you and poopies are always great too, because of the same logic of neither of you really caring about what you're doing

ngl you were probably nervous as shit meeting the og cast and definitely let it slip that they were your inspirations to go into stunt work

and lance got it on camera so whenever you make fun of them, they can throw it back in your face

very much brother / sister dynamics, but not in an overprotective and doting way, in an "i want to fucking murder you and hide the body where nobody will find it, but with love" kind of way

i feel like you and ehren would vibe, idk why because i don't think you'd do many stunts together but i just feel like you'd vibe

spike would probably be the most concerned for you because he would have met you when you were like 20/21 so he's still processing the fact that you're not a barely legal adult anymore

they're my fav dysfunctional family and you're the edgy "don't touch my hair, mom" (directed at chris who keeps trying to braid your hair but always yanks on it way too hard) daughter that completes them

[olivia091108]

could you do anything danger ehren nsfw PLEASE THERE IS NONEEE or sfw if your not comfy with nsfw

Danger ehren headcannons.

You both met on a double date

The other couple walked out halfway through theirs

At first he thought you were way too good for him

And he thought you did it for the fake

But after you saw him eat the yellow snowcone and still kissed him

When he gets hurt he’s Belice he will be getting smothered with kisses

When the other boys pick on him too much sometimes you just can’t hold back and end up yelling

Made a few appearances in the film obviously

His nickname for you is babe and maybe sweetie

You call him honey

Don’t usually get in arguments

But when you do he usually apologises first

If anyone flirts with you

He will usually just sulk until you go over to him and prove that he’s the only one you want

carries a picture of you in his wallet

When he’s drunk he never shuts up about you and will show EVERYONE that pic

At party’s you sometimes leave early just so you can watch your’e favourite reality shows

His favourite film genre is romcom

His favourite is Notting Hill

Dave walked in on you both watching it once and ehren got very embarrassed but Dave sat down and joined in

He’s an awful cook but always tries even when it’s burnt you still eat it so he knows you appreciate him

He doesn’t hate pda but he only really kisses and has a hand on your ass nothing more

He always has cold hands

He will put them up the back of your’e shirt to annoy you

I feel like he would be a switch

Fav position probs be missionary so he can see your face

Ass man 100%

He likes to receive but will always give it you want

Sorry my first time writing for ehren I hope I did ok

-liv

[welcometojackass2022]

Short Sundresses and Melted Ice Cream (Danger Ehren x Reader) [Fluff]

Thank you to the anonymous requester! It was never specified if they wanted this to be plus sized reader or not so I made the descriptions of the readers body very vague! This is just a short little fluffy drabble.

Description: Your boyfriend, Ehren, decides you take you out on an ice cream date so the two of you can enjoy the summer weather; you wear a short little dress and share your ice cream with him, and Ehren just can’t stop swooning over you.

Warnings: Female Reader, besides that none :) this is just tooth-rotting fluff!

“I can’t believe you’re wearing sunscreen when we’re not even at the beach.” Ehren pulled his car into an empty parking space and shook his head at you, eyeing the bottle of sunscreen you’d been holding as you applied it to your face in the car mirror. You rolled your eyes playfully as you took some of the sunscreen and began applying it to your neck. “The sun is always in the sky, Ehren, not just when we’re at the beach. Excuse me for not wanting to get skin cancer!” Ehren grinned and leaned over, snatching the bottle from you. “Skin cancer? Well that’s all the convincing I need, let me get some of that.” You laughed, helpfully leaning over to help him apply it to his face, and then gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now you smell like coconut.” He blushed, unbuckling his seat belt to get out and open your car door for you. “Is that a good thing?” You gave him another kiss as you stepped out, this time on the lips. “Wouldn’t be kissing you if it wasn’t.”

Ehren closed the car door behind you and quickly held your hand, weaving his fingers through yours and smiling at you adoringly. “You look beautiful.” You looked away, flustered. You’d chosen to wear a short sundress and some nice shoes for your date with Ehren; he was a sucker for seeing you in short dresses, which was part of the reason you’d chosen to wear it in the first place. “You’re too sweet. And you look very handsome, if I may say so, Mr. McGhehey.” Ehren rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand as he looked around for the ice cream shop, pointing to it excitedly when he saw it. “There it is! They’ve got the best flavors here, baby, you’re gonna love it.” He pulled you towards the little store, and the two of you went inside, a little bell jingling as you opened the door. It was a cute 50s themed ice cream shop, with tons of flavors and several types of cones and bowls to choose from. Ehren ordered an ice cream sundae, while you ordered your favorite flavor in a cone, and then the two of you went outside to sit at one of the tables and eat.

Ehren pulled out your chair for you before walking around the table to get to his own, and you smoothed down the skirt of your sundress as you sat down. It was so hot outside that your ice cream cone was already starting to melt, so you quickly started licking up the drips from the sides as Ehren dug into his sundae with a spoon. His ice cream was starting to melt too, although that was probably due to the hot fudge on top. Ehren side-eyed you as you took a small bite from the cone, and you looked up at him and raised your eyebrows. “Need something, Ehren?” He grinned awkwardly and shook his head. “I kinda wish I’d gotten a cone now, that looks better than mine.” You flashed him a look. “You want a bite, don’t you?” He gave you a guilty look, and you playfully rolled your eyes and leaned towards him. “Take a bite, baby.” Ehren perked up excitedly and gently bit off a small piece of the cone, a small bit of the ice cream staining the corners of his lips.

You laughed. “You eat like a toddler, baby, come here.” You took a napkin from the dispenser on the table and gently cupped Ehren’s face in your hands, pulling him closer to you so you could wipe the sticky ice cream from his mouth. He stared up at you adoringly, his eyes wide like a lovesick puppy. “I’m so lucky to have you.” You giggled, taken aback by his forwardness. “Why, because I wipe your mouth for you?” He shook his head, still smiling. “No. Because you’re beautiful.” Your gaze softened, and you leaned over to kiss him on the forehead. “You’re too sweet.” Ehren held his hand out, and you took it, squeezing it supportively. “I mean it. You’re the funniest, kindest, prettiest woman I’ve ever met and yet you’re sitting here with me right now, eating ice cream and wearing the sexiest dress I’ve ever seen. You could have any guy on Earth and yet you picked me. If someone showed me a picture of you when I was a teenager and told me I was gonna be dating you one day, I’d have thought they were nuts. I honestly still can’t believe it.”

You took another lick of your ice cream and shook your head. “You’re the prettiest boy on Earth, Ehren, and you treat me so well, and you make me laugh. Why would I be with anyone else? Don’t sell yourself so short.” His face went red, and he looked away, a massive grin spreading over his face. “I love you.” You smiled affectionately. “I love you too, baby. Now give me a bite of your sundae, you still gotta pay me back for the bite I gave you earlier.” Ehren dutifully scooped up a good spoonful of ice cream and fed it to you, holding his free hand under your chin so the ice cream wouldn’t stain your dress—the dress which he still couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of. You shook your head and laughed. “You really like this dress, don’t you.” He nodded eagerly. “I can’t help it, baby, it just looks so incredible on you. I mean it shows off your thighs so well, and the color looks perfect on your skin, and the skirt part hugs your hips in a way that really shows off your–”

You stood up from your chair and walked over to sit down in Ehren’s lap, and he promptly shut his mouth and stared up at you in awe, his arms automatically wrapping around your waist. “Is this okay?” Ehren nodded, rubbing the material of your dress between his fingers. “Okay? It’s more than okay, you could sit on my lap all day every day if you wanted to.” You grinned. “Maybe I will.” You finished off your ice cream cone, and Ehren took the last few bites of his sundae, which was finally starting to get soupy from the sun’s rays. His free hand gently rubbed circles on the small of your back, and you ran your fingers through his hair with your own free hand. He finished off his last bite, setting the spoon down in his bowl with a loud clinking sound, and you smiled. “Ready to go?” He nodded. You leaned down to kiss him, tasting the hot fudge on his lips, and he pressed his forehead against yours, staring at you with a look of pure adoration. “I wish we could just sit here forever.” You smiled. “Me too, baby.”

He begrudgingly pulled away, and you got up from his lap to let him get up, immediately interlocking your fingers with his as you walked back to the car. He opened the car door for you, and you got in and clicked your seatbelt into place. Ehren’s right hand rested on your thigh all throughout the drive home, his thumb gently rubbing circles on your leg through the soft material of the sundress. You leaned your head back against the headrest of your seat and smiled at him; he briefly looked away from the road to smile back, a soft look in his eyes. You tapped your fingers on the window, squinting at the bright sun that shone through the windshield. “We should go on ice cream dates more often, especially since this hot weather will be gone soon.” Ehren nodded. “Definitely. Only if you promise to wear sundresses and sit in my lap every time we go out, though.” You laughed. “You realize I can just wear a sundress and sit on your lap at home, right?” Ehren perked up. “Wait, that’s right…fuck, I can’t wait to get home now.”

[vivaladicamillo]

“why dont you pose for the camera instead pretty boy.”

going to a rock concert to photograph the band with danger ehren

[daisydeacks]

HCs of some of the Jackass guys comforting you after you have the most violent, utterly dehumanizing, earth shattering and body convulsing liquid shits.* Johnny, Ehren, Chris, Dave, and Steve-O 

lmk if you want more :)))!!LMAO *based off a joke post I made (linked above) and then I ran with it. i ran so far.

Johnny

Wakes up when you suddenly rip away from him, run into the shared bathroom and slam the door

At first he’s confused

And then he hears you

He can hear you sobbing, sharting, the sound echoing

It’s not a great thing to wake up to, he can sympathize. Hangover shits were awful for him

Half hour later you’re exiting the bathroom, skin clammy and pale, pajamas disheveled.

You don’t look like the same person you were before

He silently opens his arms to you as you let out a shaky breath, hugs you to him and pretends not to smell the horror mixed with frebreeze spray wafting into your bedroom

You fall asleep against his chest, silent tears wetting his shirt.

All he can do is rub your back until you’re running into the bathroom again, “oh no oh no oh no” leaving you

He covers his mouth so you don’t hear his giggles

an hour later when you’re finally empty he’s still there to welcome you with open arms

rubs your back as you sink into him again

he doesn’t think he’s ever seen you sleep so hard. you were OUT once you fell back to sleep. 

he finally dozes off once he’s sure you’re asleep and not getting up again

Ehren

He hears you when walking down the hall to make coffee in the morning

Hears the farts

He grimaces and also sympathizes

Who hasn’t been in this situation? You did say the take out you two got last night looked a bit off.

But he felt mostly okay. 

Little messed up but not like you were doing this morning.

He’ll be there for you once you’re out, pepto already on your kitchen counter

He’s pouring his second cup of coffee by the time you’re out

“You okay?”

“I think I’m dying, ehren.”

He’ll laugh and hug you, grab the pepto and hand it to you

You take a gagging drink of it before leaning against the counter, watching him make his coffee

“Want some?”

“God, no. Not right now at least.”

The two of you sit on the couch while you wait to see if the pepto will work, you leaning on his shoulder 

his arm is wrapped around your shoulders, other hand holding his mug

you’re still shaking a bit from your experience in the bathroom. 

The morning news says something about food poisoning from the local place you both had last night and you muffle a scream into his shoulder while he laughs

Chris

It’s the middle of the night when it hits you.

You feel that unmistakeable twinge in your stomach.

You lay there in the dark for a few moments, waiting to see if it’s a fart or worse

It’s worse.

You’re tearing yourself away from your boyfriend and running out of the room to the bathroom

Chris wakes up just enough to be confused before he hears the door and bathroom fan turn on

Hears muffled sounds

He can’t help the laugh that comes from him

Of course he feels bad but who doesn’t laugh at fart noises?

He never said he was mature.

It’ll feel like forever passes before you return to bed, your skin clammy.

“Little farty this morning?”

“Oh god, Chris,” you’d gingerly crawl back into your shared bed and sink back into his side, the man wrapping a secure arm around you 

“I feel like I died and was forced to come back as some evil joke from God”

He’d laugh at your words, strong hand rubbing soothing circles on your back

“That bad? Yeah, sounded like a war zone in there.”

“It was.”

He’d hold you until you had to inevitably rip yourself away from him again, groaning as you hurried to the bathroom and slammed the door again

He’ll giggle and doze off between your bathroom trips, there to try to make you laugh and comfort you when you’re done.

Remind you that you’re still smokin hot in his eyes, even if your ass is a no-no zone right now.

“You’re still my beautiful lady/man.”

“Thanks Chris.”

Your response doesn’t sound too genuine but he doesn’t mind.

Dave

It hit you in the middle of the day.

The two of you had a day off together for the first time in a while

sitting on the couch, catching up on what you’ve missed with each other 

suddenly the pizza the two of you are sharing isn’t very appetizing anymore

Dave sees you visibly pale

“babe, are you okay?”

“I think I’m about to shit myself.” 

“Do..do you need to go to the bathroom?” 

you’re still sitting, trying to figure out what your body needs 

soon you’re up and racing down the hall

he can hear your panicked sounds as you run through the house 

can hear your muffled shouts cursing the pizza the two of you got

he won’t lie, it was a bit greasy. he was feeling a bit off too. 

after you’re out the pizza box is already out in the outside trash bin

“I knew if it was still there we’d probably keep eating it.”

“good call.” 

the two of you would sit on the couch cuddled up, trying to ignore the sounds both of your stomachs were starting to make due to the greasy food

Steve-O 

You’re visiting him on set when it hits you

The unmistakable feeling

the sweat beading on your brow 

“Steve please which port-a-potty is NOT rigged to explode”

“oh shit” he doesn’t know 

he thinks the left one is safe 

you run away, the man chasing after you to stand guard outside 

he can hear you dying in there

his hand is over his mouth to muffle his laughs 

he knows you already feel awful, he wouldn’t want you to feel even worse 

Jeff comes by 

“Is Y/N in there?” 

“Fuck off!” is your response from inside the blue port-a-potty 

a rather liquidy streaming sound is heard after you yell

followed by a fart

Steve-O can help the cackling that leaves him at that point

“yeah, dude, she had old left overs last night.” 

“I thought they were still good.” you whine from in there 

“I’ll tell them to not set it off then” is Jeff’s response and he jogs away towards where the rest of them are set up, ready to explode the portable toilet 

 thankfully the producer is able to call off the prank and you can finish your squirts in peace 

you leave that blue port-a-potty a new person. 

your hair is wet with sweat and you look dead inside. 

despite the lingering smell Steve-O wraps an arm around your shoulders and walks with you back to where you were before 

he’s surprisingly mature and very caring about it

and you’re ever so thankful for it 

[yeahdudeirock]

jackass guys with a plus-size model reader who does shoots like this

(model is Naomi Watanabe)

[dunnswrld]

“dont make a mess sweetheart i gotta stunt in ten minutes.”

is what johnny said to you as he lifted his head from the sweet spot between your thighs, a cocky grin plastered on the fake cowboys face as your juices and his spit dripped down his chin.

“f-fuck off.”

you said breathlessly, johnny only letting out a soft chuckle before he spoke.

“aw dont be so mean.”

is all he said before he connected his lips with your sensitive cilt again. a moan leaving your lips as his mouth returned to the spot you needed him the most.

your fingers were tangled in johnnys brown hair as he ate you like his last meal, the sound of his soft groans could not only be heard but felt against your core; shivers going up your spin as your eyes crossed from the amount of overwhelming pleasure.

everytime johnny was between your thighs it was better then the last if thats even possible. you swear there was no man that enjoyed eating pussy more then your boyfriend did.

johnnys brown eyes looked up at you from between your thighs. his erection only ached more as he saw your reaction to him between your thighs, you looked completely overstimulated with pleasure and he loved it.

this only motivated johnny to push himself deeper between your thighs, his tongue lapping circles around your cilt as lewd slurping noises came from his actions. a high pitched moan leaving your lips as your grip on johnnys hair tightened.

“j-johnny i-im gonna-”

you felt johnnys grip on your hips tighten as he became almost determined to make you cum, and make you cum hard.

you could swear you saw stars as you let out a strain of moans as your hands tried to grab anything they could, a intense wave of pleasure shooting through your body as johnny didnt even care to slow down. he wanted you to be completely worn out from his tongue.

it wasnt until your chest began to rise and fall heavily did johnny stop, slowly kissing his way from between your legs to your cheek. he then gave you a sweet and passionate kiss, he slightly laughed feeling how lazily you kissed back. you were beat.

when johnny pulled away from the kiss you saw his mouth and face that was covered with your cum and his spit. your face couldnt help but turn red at seeing the aftermath of your boyfriend eating you out.

“i said dont make a mess sweetheart.”

johnny softly teased with a shit-eating smirk on his face, using the bottom of his shirt to wipe his mouth off.

(coming back from the dead to write the smallest piece of whatever this is cause i had the urge to write maybe if it does good ill write again idk😟)

[kunntzsstuff]

🚙 road trip with the cky guys 🚙

[dangerehrenn]

jackass boys with a british s/o

this is purely self indulgent because i’m british lol

lmk if anyone wants a pt2! this was really fun to write! :)

johnny:

oh boy

he loves it

the fact you have an accent makes his accent stronger

will purposely get you to tell him stories he’s heard a thousand times before just so he can hear you speak

will (lovingly) mock you sometimes

he knows not to go overboard with it though

definitely creates stunts centred around you being british

(he’ll make you dress up as a queen and him and the guys will be dressed as knights and they’ll run at each other with lances)

(imagining this made me laugh)

will tell anyone off if they make fun of you for being british

call him darling and he’ll swoon

he says some words should be said by you and you only because of how nice they sound when you say them

ehren:

mishears you all the time

he acts like you’re speaking a foreign language sometimes

get ready for him to say ‘what’ a lot

and gets confused when you mention something that has a different name in america

for example when you’re shopping

“can you get an aubergine please” “a fucking what”

will sit and listen to you ramble for ages because he loves the way you speak

gets flustered if you call him a pet name

because it sounds so good in your accent

he’ll definitely try and understand british slang but he has no clue

plus he always sounds funny when he tries to use it

bam:

purposely teases you just to hear you shout at him

and he’ll definitely start doing more stupid things so you tell him off

(he says when you’re annoyed your accent gets stronger)

he loooooves your accent

will mock you

100%

will easily get confused like ehren if you say something that has a different name in america

will stare at you until you say the ‘american’ version of it

loves to hear you praise him

call him sweetheart and babe

he’ll melt

like ehren he tries to use british slang

gets confused when you laugh at him for calling dunn a chav

(he thought it meant dick)

(plus he said it funny)

chris:

calls you his british babe

definitely copies your accent

he doesn’t even realise he does it anymore

he’ll just start talking with a really bad, stereotypical british accent and won’t realise until someone is like ‘dude wtf’

he’ll definitely practise at the accent though until he sounds like he could definitely be from where you’re from

loves when you call his name

and he definitely makes you repeat yourself until you catch on to what he’s doing

he says you sound so posh no matter your accent

(if you’re from the north like me you’ll just look at him like: ???)

definitely loves to watch british shows with you

his favourite one to watch with you is bake off

he also enjoys take me out

(he says no one would turn the light off if they saw him)

[glitterinmyveinss]

// say yes to heaven //

johnny knoxville x reader

authors note: Johnny goes by PJ, some things might be innacurate apologies in advance, mentions of homophobic slurs (i can say it)

❥༄ It's a warm july evening, the sunset sky looks like cotton candy, the kids are still out playing, and me and pj are on the steps of his trailer drinking some cold beers. i've known pj ever since me n my mom first moved to Tennesse at age 5. i ponder back on that moment, the memory still fresh in my mind.

❥༄ "y/n! get your boxes from the back of the uhaul girl!" my mother shouted. i sighed and made my way from the empty field to the back of the van we came in while my mother put her belongings inside our new home. a boy around my age with dark chocolate hair, warm brown eyes, and a horrendous haircut came up to me. "are you my new neighbors?" he asked enthusiastically. i nodded shyly. "cool! i'm pj by the way. my trailers right there." i glanced over to where he was pointing. i noticed a brown trailer with white stripes, white steps, and various beer cans and cigarette butts littering the patch of grass in front. i turned back to him and introduced myself back. "my names y/n. my parents divorced so we moved here." "mine are divorced too! wanna be friends?" we've been inseparable ever since.

❥༄ i set down my can with a sigh and put my hands in my hair. i've lived in the same trailer ever since, things never really got better for me and my mom. i started working at the local jcpennys working the beauty department but that's it, and Pjs been working with his dad at his auto repair shop ever since we were 13. pj turned to look at me, his brows furrowed and his eyes fixated on me. "what's troublin' you doll?" i picked my head up with a sad smile. i loved when he called me that. "whens it gonna get better peej?" i let out a dry chuckle. "i mean are we just gonna stay in this town our whole lives? living pay check to pay check?" he huffed and turned away from me. "i don't know y/n...why are you bringing this up?" "because i don't want that to be my life pj. maybe it was good for our parents but...don't you want different?" he took another sip from his can and a long drag from his cigarette and was quiet for a while. "of course i want different but it's not that simple y/n...plus the world needs workers like us and our parents anyway." i couldnt belive what he was saying. it was so out of character for him. he was never one to conform to society despite us growing up in the south where you'd get called a fag for just about anything. but people didn't care when it came to pj. he could be wearing a tutu and still look cool. that's why i didn't understand why he was giving up his future to stay in a town like this when the world had so much more to offer him, to offer us. "you know, i don't get you sometimes pj." i threw my can on the porch and sat up. "when are you gonna wake up y/n?" he shouted at me. i looked at him wint utter confusion painted on my face. he stared back at me with those piercing dark eyes. anytime i looked into them, it was like i was stuck in place, and like the rest of the world was no more, just me and pj. "w-what do you mean?" i spoke. he scoffed at me and continued, still shouting. "do you think it's that easy? that we can just leave this all behind and start a new life like that?" i huffed in frustration and crossed my arms, "that's not what i meant and you know it. i just meant that we both have dreams pj. what about your writing?" he turned away from me and shook his head, his eyes were even darker now due to his mood. i noticed there were imprints on his can due to his grip on it. "what about my writing y/n? you heard my dad." a while ago, pj shared with his dad his dreams of being a writer, and how he wanted to write for this magazine in LA, just to get his foot out the door. his dad didn't take it well at all and said he better get the wrench he asked for because writing won't pay the bills. i stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. pj got up to stomp his cigarette out. when he was done he locked eyes with me. he stared at me with such intensity, it made my knees buckle and my stomach flip. maybe it's a good thing he wore shades 99.9% of the time. i wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him, let him know that anyone who doubted him didn't know what they were talking about. that me and him could make it on our own. but we were just friends. and he was even more stubborn drunk than he was sober. he turned to go inside then stopped. "you better get home y/n...it's getting dark." i felt the tears sting the corners of my eyes, like bees in the summer time. this wasn't the first time we fought like this, but it's the first time he didn't invite me in afterwards. usually he'd say something along the lines of sorry, or how he has some left over apple pie he needs help eating, really he would say any excuse. but this time, it was like he wanted nothing to do with me. "you're a coward philip and you know it." i shouted. "you have just as much potential as anyone else in this world to do something great, but you're scared!" he stayed with his back towards me, his fists clenched and his head low. "leave y/n."

❥༄ i stared at him until my vision became blurry with tears, which didn't take long. i've always been emotional. i ran away from him, in the direction of our old elementary. i always went there when things became too much to handle and i just needed somewhere to escape to. once i got there i sat on the old rusty swings that squeaked each time you swayed. i felt like shit. maybe i was too hard on pj. it's just that all i wanted was for me and him to have a good future. maybe the reason why i got so mad was because i imagined our futures would be us as lovers, not best friends. i wish i brought one of those beers before i left. i heard rustling coming from my left side and when i turned to look, i saw pj. i turned away and stared at the ground. it was quiet for a while while he sat on the swing beside me. "i'm sorry doll. i didn't mean to yell at you like that, you know how i get when i drink coors." i began to sob as i spoke, "no peej i'm sorry, i was too hard on you." i put my head in my hands and hid my face. pjs eyes scrunched up as he began laughing at me. "oh come on y/n, no need to bring out the water works. we're all good girl" he moved his hand and began rubbing my back. i sniffled and picked my head up, turning to him with a small smile that he returned.

❥༄ it was like that for a while. just me and pj swaying back and forth, till he spoke up. "you know i'm not a coward y/n..." i faced him and frantically began explaining myself. "i know pj i'm sorry it's j-" he cut me off. "the only reason why i'm not doing what i want is because... i wanna keep you close to me." i stayed staring at him. my eyes wider than usual, and my lips tucked between my teeth. "the magazine i wanna write for is based in LA. that means i would have to move there." i remained quiet. he turned to look at me. "come on y/n say some-" it was probably the alcohol more than me, but out of no where, i decided to kiss him. his lips were warm snd soft, i could still taste the cigarettes and coors on his breath. i felt euphoric and nauseous all at once. i pulled away awkwardly and faced him. "i'm sorry peej, i don't know-" he cupped the side of my face and pulled me in for a second kiss. after a minute we pulled away, but we were stuck staring at eachother, like one would disappear if the other dared to look away. "i'll go with you." i spoke, barely above a whisper. pj scrunched his face in confusion. "pardon?" i rolled my eyes at him. sometimes he was such an airhead. "i'll go with you to LA. just say the word and i'll go pj." he stared at me with a goofy crooked smile and picked me up from the swing. i squealed as he threw me over his shoulder. "let's start packing then. we'll get the first flight out as soon as we're done." even though i was upside down and felt dizzy, i couldn't be happier.

[myoddessy]

Could you do smth for when the youngest member gets hurt while filming jackass forever? Maybe they're on the treadmill stunt and get fucked up p bad?

thank you so much for requesting! i hope it's okay, lovely 💞

OFFICIAL DUMBASS ( OFFICIAL JACKASS )

It wasn't supposed to go wrong. It was supposed to be a simple stunt where the worst possible injury would only require stitches to be fixed. But when you're on the set of Jackass, and seeing if you can 'take flight' with an industrial treadmill as a runway, there's no way to predict what will happen.

Especially when a rock gets caught in the belt and you're sent flying into a steel door with a fuckton of heavy metal equipment on your back.

You couldn't really remember what happened after the sharp pain in your head, only able to make out the panic of the others and the feeling of Rachel holding onto your hand in the ambulance. Johnny and the paramedic both assured you that that was normal in regards to a concussion.

"Am I, like, an official Jackass now?" You asked Rachel with a laugh, words slurred as you absentmindedly toyed with her hands.

"The fuck do you mean?" Clearly confused but unable to hide the comfort of you still managed to joke when concussed within an inch of your life.

"Like, y'know how they're all fuckin' stupid — hi, boys," you turned your attention to the camera Lance held close to your face, wiggling your fingers in a halfhearted wave, before facing Rachel again, "am I, like, an official dumbass now, or somethin'?"

"The biggest dumbass known to mankind." She grinned, exchanging a silent look with Lance as you started to ramble about fucked you'd be if aliens invaded earth right that second that, with a nod, he confirmed that they'd 100% be showing that footage to the others, no matter how much you'd fight them when you regained a proper state of mind.

[olivia091108]

how to be a jackass Introduction

Word count:1.k

Tonight I’m going out with my sister and her boyfriend because apparently ‘I need to get a a life’ which I think is kinda rude but the only reason she’s saying that is because her and her boyfriend are thinking of moving out together but I don’t know anyone around town and she doesn’t think I’m responsible. She’s right

“Are you kidding me we need to leave in a half hour and your still in your pyjama’s chop chop”she claps her hands in my face.

She can get quite stressed when it comes to me I wasn’t the easiest to grow up with I was a bit of a hothead we both have a few stories from tell of our fights which she still has a scar form that she never shuts up about

“Alright calm down I have loads of time” I push myself off the sofa and just as I walk past her I barge her against the wall and quickly scurry to the bathroom and lock the door before she gets crazy.

I walk into my room with a towel wrapped round my body and one in my hair and flick the tv on just to have some noise in the background it was an alright show jackass that I would watch when I get back late and nothing else is on except teleshoping. I don’t have anything against it but they need to step it up cos I know give me 10 or 20 bucks I’ll do anything they do.

I find an old shirt from when I was like 15 or something and picked up some jeans that were laying on the floor before slipping on some shoes.

“See I’m ready in what 5 minutes you need to take some Xanax I swear”

“Your hair is literally dripping” I flip my head back and forth no doubt getting it on her. And walk down to her boyfriend Oliver who was gonna drive us.

Once we get their it’s already kicking off and walk towards the bar but some grown men are standing there ignoring me while I ask them to move so I manage to budge my way through them and get a rum and coke.

I start to sweat being surrounded by 15 people who clearly know nothing about personal space. I see my sister and Oliver talking to some dude and my sister starts pointing me out and calling me over.

Y/n come here so you know that show you love jackas-

Love? No I don’t love it I don’t even like it that much but what does that have to do with anything?

“Y/n”she says my name like my mum used to when I would break something she jerked her head to the man just standing there and at first I’m confused but then I realise who he is Oh shit

you don’t like the show sweetheart?the leader of the show asks

“I mean It’s alright but you could do better.” He laughs a bit at my words “oh yeah what then?”

“Nah I didn’t mean to be rud- no I’m serious what do you think”

“Do more nasty shit or more extreme stuff and more painful stunts all in saying is anything you lot do I could do if I knew I was getting paid or just for a laugh”

Ill buy you a drunk if you make out with that man at the bar he points to a fat man who is drenached with sweat and is missing a tooth at the bottom

“Easy.”

I walk over to him and straight up grab his face and kiss him slipping my tongue and feel him grab a handful of my ass and a few seconds later pull away and walk back over to Johnny using the bottom of my shirt to try and wipe my tongue

“Ok your’e turn Pants that biker playing pool” Johnny looks at him and he looks like he will smash his face in. He walks over there and waits till he has his back to him and as hard as he can yanks his jeans down with his boxers coming as well exposing his bare crack Johnny turns round and ores tends to be in a conversation with some random lady.

The man pulls Johnny to face him and holds him by the colour getting redder and redder. His friends start crowding him and they look like they’re gonna jump him so I walk over and tell him.

“Sir they ran into the bathroom he didn’t do it.”

He lets go of Johnny and storms towards the bathroom with his friends following hot on his heals. I burst out laughing making my eyes water.

“I was about to get my ass kicked”Johnny said joining in on your’e laugh.

The night progressed like this having a couple drinks doing some dares. I didn’t even know that Olivier and my sister left. Some of his fiends joined in.

Running along the bar naked then getting pushed off -Chris

I poured salt in my eye

Ehren getting pool balls thrown at him.

And obviously Steve o lit himself on fire spreading it onto my hair

And so on by the end we were all drunk as fuck and had been kicked out.

I wake up with a throbbing head ache and open my eyes but getting blinded by the lights once they adjust I’m in the bath but I don’t recognise it. I get out and try and find out where I am I hear voices so I walk towards it and then it clicks.

We got kicked out and went back to Steve os apartment carrying on the night everything else’s is a bit hazy right now.

I see all of them in the living room chatting and I also see Steve o wearing my shirt that is 4 sizes too small and some boxers.

Hey Steve o can I have my shirt back I groggily ask making them look towards me probably forgetting I was here.

Yeah dude. He takes it off and throws it at me and I take off the one in wearing and give it to him.I turn around and change

“Dude that bruise is gnarly” I look down at my hip bone and see it decorated with a purple bruise from when I tried to break the door down.

“Y/n you weren’t bullshitting last night we’re you? Johnny asks

“What about?”

“Well we were thinking you were right we gotta be more exciting and you seemed pretty into it would you wanna join.”

“No offence babe but Johnny she was drunk as shit she won’t do any of it sobre”

“Try me.”

Time skip

“Im y/n y/l/n and this is electric mouse trap.”

I stick out my tongue and let Chris clip it on to my tongue and immediately feel the electricity. I Jump around in pain trying to keep it in as long as I can to prove to them I can do it. I Shake my head and rip It off my tongue and It feels numb. I try to speak but all that’s coming out is jibberish and everyone including myslef laugh.

“Welcome to jackass y/n”

Guys I’m baaaack

This will be a slower burn series of bam x reader and jackass girl don’t know how often I will post but I’ve planned at least 3 chapters and I’m so excited message me any headcannons you wnat in this

Ik bam wasn’t in this but just you wait

My requests are still open

-liv

[knoxvillesjackass]

hello! I had an idea of No Nut November with Johnny x female reader. The jackass guys all dare each other to do it and the winner couple is who lasts the longest. When his girlfriend finds out, she keeps teasing him and it all ends in smut!! Love your stories!! ❤️

𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 - 𝐣.𝐤

im so happy to finally see a smut request!! pls, send some more, because i want to get better at writing it! also, do you guys enjoy reading it or do you like fluff and/or angst better?

warnings! edging, oral sex dom!johnny x sub!reader? ( reader receiving and giving), dirty talk, very dirty hihi

words; 3.375

It was bizarre. Annoying, really. You’d given him every opportunity in the world to rail you, blow your back out and make you incapable of walking for the day…All of your attempts were shut down, which was new for you.

Usually, all you had to do was send the smallest signal to Johnny, and he would be ready at any time, but the past two weeks had been different.

He’d been avoiding you, it seemed. He only kissed you when he left for work, and he’d even slept on the couch for some nights.

You’d been left confused and a little hurt by it all. Had you done something wrong, or was he perhaps just not attracted to you anymore?

The thoughts killed you, but it killed him even more. If it hadn’t been for that stupid bet….

“A month without sex? You’ve gotta be shitting me,” Johnny shook his head as the room erupted in laughter, but he was totally serious.

He couldn’t believe that he was the only one objecting to this nonsense. The concept was idiotic and frankly childish.

Steve-O had been the one to bring it up during lunch break. Everyone had shrugged it off, but as the tension grew thicker throughout the day, everyone suddenly began to take it very seriously, Johnny included.

So, as stupid as he thought it was, Johnny was knee-deep in the ‘No Nut November’ phenomenon, even though he hated the idea.

You and Johnny had sex a lot. No shame in that. Just two adults, who loved each other very much. What Johnny did feel off about, was that all of his friends knew just how much sex you had. How? Well, at every given chance to escape the craziness of the crew, the two of you did. And you didn’t do it to have conversations and drink tea. No, you did it to fuck.

Johnny had been labelled as the guy to fail the quickest, and it didn’t sit right with him one bit.

Luckily for him, his self-control was a different ball game. He had more control than all of the jackass guys combined. If there was a will, there was a way, and Johnny never let himself down once he had a goal.

“Oh, y-you’re participating?” Steve-O asked Johnny, who shrugged and nodded. “Yeah,” he huffed, and the room once again erupted in laughter, this time, it sounded more ridiculing than anything.

“What?” He asked confused and scoffed as he stared back at his wide-eyed friends. “Dude, you’re not going to last for two days,” Pontius grinned, Johnny returning a simple growl. “Let’s just fucking see, shall we?”

-

“Hi, baby!”

You grinned excitedly as Johnny entered your shared apartment. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, furrowing your eyebrows at once when you didn’t feel him embracing you.

“Are you okay?” You asked and unwrapped your arms around his waist, looking up at him innocently. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine, Y/N, I’m just tired. Think I’m gonna go take a shower,” he commented, his eyes focused straight ahead and not down at you.

“Oh, okay. Well, I could join,” you smirked and winked at him, but he merely shook his head and smiled politely before disappearing to the bathroom.

Well, that sucked, you thought.

He was probably just tired. He’d been working long hours, and maybe all the man needed was some space.

You’d attempted to be the understanding girlfriend, even when you felt ignored by Johnny.

The first few days went by okay, although the hours seemed to get longer as the days went by. The week overall was manageable but when the second week struck, Johnny was beginning to struggle.

The day of your anniversary, you'd made everything really special for Johnny. Dressed up nice, cooked some good food, and made the bathtub the perfect place to end the night, together.

When he'd come home, he'd acted just as you'd feared.

Distant and seemingly blind to the effort you'd put into making your fourth anniversary a special one.

The dinner was awkward and you hated the tension. You broke the silence every minute, asking him questions to which he answered with simple and short sentences.

"I have a surprise for you," you smirked. Maybe what he needed was some extra spice, and that was what you were going to give him.

"A surprise?" He asked as he was washing the dishes. He jumped when he felt your arms snake around his waist. Johnny moved away and coughed. His boxers were starting to feel tight, uncomfortably tight.

You grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bathroom. You'd scattered rose petals on the floor and lit some candles. It was the most romantic bathroom you'd ever seen, but Johnny didn't seem to agree.

"O-Oh, Y/N," Johnny coughed nervously and slowly backed out of the bathroom.

"Did I do something wrong? Are you trying to punish me or something? Please, tell me what's going on!"

"No, Y/N-"

"Then why won't you FUCK ME?" You shouted and sniffled. Johnny's heart tore a bit. He wanted to tell you, he really did, but with the mood and how you were feeling, it didn't seem as if it would've been a massive help in his eyes.

The next days were rough. You were upset, understandably. Johnny continued his odd behaviour and you were just about done with it all.

“Just tell me now; when did you give in and how was it?”

Bam stood like a little child next to Johnny and giggled, but Johnny rolled his eyes underneath his sunglasses and sighed.

“I haven’t given in yet, and I’m not going to, so you might as well quit bothering me.”

Bam scoffed at the answer he got from Johnny, but he hadn’t expected much else, considering Johnny’s recent behaviour.

He was in a pissy mood. He was at conflict with himself at all times. The whole dare had transformed into something beyond his control. He was so competitive, sometimes it scared people.

Johnny sat down in the conference room, where the crew held their weekly meetings. He cursed to himself and looked around. Pontius, Steve-O and Jeff sat and looked at him with smug grins.

“How’re you holding up over there, Knoxville?” Jeff asked, to which he received a middle finger from Knoxville.

“It’s been a long time since I've seen Y/N around? When is she coming by again?" Pontius pouted. Just the thought of your name at this point, could get Johnny hot and bothered.

"I-She's not," Johnny mumbled and rubbed his sweaty forehead. Was it just him, or was it starting to get super hot?

"That's weird. I talked to her this morning. She said, she's dropping by to say hello," Jeff said and immediately, Johnny tensed up.

"What?" He asked. He hated to even think it, but you were the last person he needed to see now.

"Y/N!" Wee-man yelled as soon as he saw your figure in the doorway.

Johnny hid his face in his hands as soon as he heard your voice. He imagined you saying his name, moaning it, screaming it.

"Hi, guys," you smiled and entered the conference room, greeting all of the guys with a hug, moving your way around the table until you reached Johnny. "Hi, babe," you smiled and leaned down to plant a kiss on his lips, although he moved away almost immediately.

You scoffed and stood up. What had you expected? He'd only been treating you like that for the last two weeks.

"Well, I can see that I'm not wanted here," you mumbled but were quickly met with reassurance from everyone but Johnny.

"Why would you think that?" Jeff asked, "we love having you here, Y/N."

"You might, but I think Johnny feels a bit different," you hissed and glared at Johnny, who slapped his forehead.

Suddenly, Ehren began laughing hysterically, to everyone's surprise. "Wait, you haven't told her yet?" He grinned and the boys slowly caught on and joined Ehren's laughing fit.

Johnny was so not having it. His fists were curled and his jaw was clenched. And you, you were utterly confused as to what was going on.

"Told me what?"

You raised your eyebrow and looked down at Johnny, who refused eye contact at all costs, the guilt weighing him down like uranium.

"We dared each other do the no nut Novem-"

"Don't even finish that sentence," you said and cut Ehren off. You were quiet for a few moments, trying to assemble yourself before speaking up.

"You wanna explain yourself, asshole?" You spat and looked down at Johnny, who sighed and looked up at you.

"Y/N, I'm so so-"

"Do you guys know how long it's been since I've had sex with my boyfriend?" I asked into the room and the guys all chuckled.

Of course, they knew. They were a part of it too, after all.

"Two weeks!"

It didn't sound like a lot, but anyone who knew you and Johnny understood that this was totally out of the ordinary.

"You're telling me I have to wait two weeks before he can bang me? How many of you guys are still in this bullshit?" You asked loudly to which Pontius, Jeff, Ehren and Wee-Man's hands went up.

"Fuck this," you sighed. You knew just how competitive Johnny was. Nothing could get in his way. Literally nothing, but then again, if anyone had the slightest chance, it was most definitely you.

-

"Y/N?"

You sighed at the sound of Johnny's voice.

Your fingers were curled inside of yourself as you lay spread across the bed.

You continued, although the sound of Johnny's footsteps came closer and closer.

You closed your eyes and began rubbing your clit, letting out a quiet moan.

"Y/N-fuck," Johnny breathed out when he walked in on you pleasuring yourself. His cock was throbbing at the sight of your naked body, but he denied all of those feelings and shuffled out of the room. The sight had made him hard as a rock.

"Johnny!" You called out. An idea had popped into your head.

He opened the door and peeked in. Your legs were spread open and they were trembling with anticipation.

"Huh?" He asked you. His eyes were almost closed. He couldn't bare to see more.

"Look, I know you're not allowed to cum or whatever, but I'm horny and I need your help," you stated and Johnny's eyes opened wide. You might be on to something, he thought.

Pleasuring you always brought Johnny pleasure, he didn't even have to pull his dick out for this one.

He smiled and rushed over to you.

He wasted no time digging his two fingers into your cunt, plunging them in and out of your wet entrance. His head rested between your legs as his tongue made contact with your clit. You reached down and grabbed a handful of his hair. God, he loved it when you did that.

What he loved, even more, was the way his name sounded when you screamed it out of pure pleasure. "Fuck, Johnny!" You cried and grabbed his one hand that wasn't fucking your cunt and pulling it up to your breast, signalling for him to massage it, which he did, gladly.

Johnny smiled against your folds and licked them up and down, ever so often pinching your sensitive clit between his lips, which drove you crazy.

"I-I think I'm g-"

"Look at me, babydoll," he ordered and you followed, looking directly into his dark brown eyes. You couldn't contain the eye contact for long though, because your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you let out a loud cry as you reached your awaited orgasm.

You tugged at Johnny's hair and breathed in loudly, trying to gather yourself.

"J-Johnny, just fuck me already, please," you sobbed and looked at Johnny.

The offer was so tempting, but he just couldn't. He snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his jeans tightening to the point of it being uncomfortable.

"O-Oh, shi-" he hissed and suddenly flew away from his position. You looked him up and down, eyes landing on the massive boner, he had packed. You held back an evil laugh as Johnny stormed out of the room. "Where are you going?" You yelled as you stood up from the bed.

"I-I'm just gonna go for a drive!" he yelled back and slammed the door. He wasn't angry with you, and you knew that. He was angry with himself. This bet was starting to get really fucking old.

The next days were seriously awful for Johnny. After helping you out, he realised that it might've been a bad idea.

The only thing on his mind was the feeling of your pretty cunt against his fingers and the sound of your screams still rang in his ears every now and then.

And you'd, of course, been making his life a living hell. Walking around naked in the apartment or dressing up in your sexiest lingerie.

Johnny kept himself together, though, and you had to give him credit. He'd handled it all very well, better than you ever could.

(random a/n; this same-ish story, but where the reader is dared?)

The end of November was just around the corner, thankfully. Sure, Johnny's hands were equivalent to magic, but nothing beat the feeling of his cock ramming into you.

You couldn't wait, quite literally. Johnny was so much better at staying committed to a dare than you. You needed him. Like, really needed him.

"Johnnyyyy," you whined and threw yourself at him like a little toddler,

He wasn't as sensitive as before. It seemed that the roles had taken a 180 because you were hornier than ever.

Johnny was sitting with his computer when you suddenly planted yourself in his lap and hugged him tightly.

"What's going on?" He asked and rubbed your back.

"I want it so badly," you whispered and bit your lip. Johnny stiffened up and shifted uncomfortably around on the couch. "Three days to go, Y/N," he comforted you, but that wasn't good enough. "No, but like, now," you said and reached down to straddle his cock. He let out a yelp and lifted you from his lap to the seat beside him as he stood up and paced around.

He was frustrated. It was really not fun anymore. Actually, it never was.

Johnny hurried to his phone and put the phone to his ear.

"Chris, you tell me now and be honest; who's still a part of this November bullshit?" Johnny asked. You smiled to yourself and crossed your fingers.

No one, please say no one.

You couldn't quite hear the rest of the conversation. You didn't really care either, because when Johnny came out, he had darker eyes and a wicked smirk on his lips.

"Go to the bedroom and take your clothes off. I'll be up in two minutes."

You squealed with excitement and ran up the stairs faster than ever.

You stripped out of your clothes and threw them to the side, feeling a knot in your stomach, waiting to be untied.

Johnny entered the room. He'd taken his shirt off on the way up the stairs.

"Get on your knees," Johnny ordered and you did so immediately and without protest of any sort.

The room was pretty dark, but you could still see Johnny's crooked smirk.

He approached you, stopping when he stood right in front of your kneeled figure.

He brushed some hair out of your face and cupped your cheeks as you stared up at him, batting your eyelashes.

He gathered your hair into a ponytail at the back of your head and tied it with the hair tie he had around his wrist.

"Fuck, I've missed your mouth," he moaned and unbuttoned his pants, not even bothering to pull them all the way down. And you were just as desperate to please him again, so without waiting any longer, you took a hold of his rock-hard length and gave it a few pumps. Johnny threw his head back when you put just the tip into your mouth. Impatient and understandably needy, Johnny skipped your slow tempo and grabbed the back of your head, pushing his cock into your mouth fully.

After four years of dating Johnny, your gag reflex was pretty much non-existent.

He began gently thrusting himself into your mouth and then sped up until you eventually could feel his tip at the end of your throat.

You watched with tears in your ears as your boyfriend had lost himself in you, thrusting himself into your mouth again and again until he was a mumbling, moaning mess, cumming down your throat.

You swallowed and Johnny watched you in admiration as he offered you his hand to help you stand up.

Your lips crashed together for the first time in weeks, and you moaned into the kiss when you reached the bed. Johnny put a hand behind your head and the other one on your back, slowly lowering you on the bed as he hovered over you with a hungry, lust-filled gaze.

You were merely wearing his t-shirt and a pair of old shorts, which Johnny quickly tore away, your underwear following. He pulled the shirt from over your head and admired your naked body for a while, before snapping out of his trance to return to his duty.

He began placing kisses down your chest but you pulled him up when you saw where he was going. You grabbed his hand and forced it down to your dripping cunt. "I don't need anything, I just want you to fuck me," you nodded and Johnny smiled. Foreplay was always a big thing in your relationship. It was a way to ensure that both parts were 100% ready, but there was no doubt in your mind; you were ready.

"You're still on the pill despite this stupid bet, right?" He asked and you nodded. He knew how bad you were at forgetting it, and he often scolded you for it.

"Good girl," he whispered raspily. That made your heart melt.

His tip was at your entrance, and you wondered if the three weeks had changed something within you. Was it going to hurt after that long with no sex?

You shook every thought off when Johnny placed a kiss on your forehead and slowly pushed into you.

"Ah-!"

Johnny looked at you with wide eyes. You apologised quietly.

"It must be because it's been a while," you said and Johnny nodded, understanding what you were feeling.

He continued pushing his member into you and watched you closely as you clenched your eyes shut and dug your nails into his wide shoulders.

He rested for a while, waiting for your sign to move, and when that sign came, he began pumping in and out of you slowly but deeply.

You grasped onto him and pulled him as close as possible while also wrapping your legs around his waist. "F-Faster," you moaned with closed eyes and Johnny grunted as he sped up, fucking you at an impossibly fast pace.

Everything seemed to go dull for a short moment. Your pussy clenched and your belly contracted tightly when a wave of pleasure hit you like a thousand bricks.

"I-Oh, my God!"

Your nails dug deeply into Johnny's back and you scratched them up towards his neck, where they rested, fiddling with the ends of his brown hair.

"Look at me, baby," Johnny ordered and continued his thrusts. You had to collect yourself before even listening to his orders, but Johnny was impatient and close to an orgasm, so he didn't have much time.

"Y/N, I said look at me," he repeated. The tone made you look at him immediately and you bit your lip and moaned loudly as you watched him orgasm for the second time that night.

"Fuuuck-urgh, baby!"

He trembled and with one last thrust, he pulled out of you and fell down beside you with a heavy but satisfied sigh.

"This November has been the best and worst of my life," you sighed and Johnny laughed in agreement as he kissed your forehead and snuggled you closer.

-

probably my favourite smut i've ever written, but what do you think?

[stratossphere]

tennessee whiskey. | j.k

johnny’s a little drunk, and when johnny gets drunk, he gets messy. in more ways than one.

warnings: drinking all around, hint of weed and cocaine use, johnny and reader are broken up, slight relationship angst, fluff at the end

word count: 5.6k

taglist (let me know if you want to be added!) @asskickedbygirl

— —

You were making mistakes tonight. You had realized it as soon as you’d arrived at the bar everyone was holed up in for the night, because the first sighed you’d laid eyes on upon entering was Johnny Knoxville himself up on the bar with no shirt on doing push-ups. You’d been the last one to get there due to the fact that you’d been working until late, and you could tell that they had clearly started the drinking (and probably drugs, by the looks of it) without you.

"Y/n! I was starting to think you weren't even coming anymore!" Ehren was the one to intercept you when you passed a couple making out near the door, and you smiled as you watched him stumble over someone's foot on the way over and almost land at your feet before catching his balance. "Dude. Everyone is like, super trashed."

"I can see that. I don't have anywhere to be tomorrow, so might as well catch up." You said, shrugging and stepping around him to aim in the direction of the bar before motioning for him to follow behind you. You were aiming on avoiding your attention-seeking ex-boyfriend, so you headed for the opposite corner of the bar, where you could see Bam and Pontius with a deck of cards.

"Party's here." Ehren announced you to the both of them as you rounded to their side, drawing Bam's intense concentration as he attempted to set a card on top of the card tower they were actually doing a decent job of building up.

"Well good evening, madame. You are very late to the party." Pontius said, motioning to a stool with Ehren's jacket thrown over it and an empty one beside it. "Seats are open for viewing on what is going to be the world's largest card tower."

"Don't mind if I do." You said, grinning as you sat down next to Bam and watched him gently place his card. He let out a silent cheer to himself when the card tower remained, fist pumping in the air and almost hitting you in the shoulder in the process.

"Card skyscraper, man. 'Tower' doesn't mean jack shit." He corrected Chris, pointing a finger at him before turning to you and motioning to the pile of suspiciously filled pint cups that was sitting next to his elbow. "These are all liquor bombs, if you're interested."

Liquor bombs were just mixing every liquor and beer that they could get their hands on into one glass, and was a sure shot into starting a night that you wouldn't remember. It was a dangerous game, and consuming two pint glasses of it had left Ryan on his ass for a day and a half. You took a glass anyway.

"You better not have done anything gross to these. I'm not in the mood to drink anyone's jizz right now." You sighed, taking a sip out of the glass and immediately coughing when a horrific blackout-inducing blend of liquids burned their way down your throat.

"There's absinthe and a lot of tequila in there." Ehren snickered, motioning to the Absinthe bottle that was on the shelf closest across the bar from him. You winced, shivering as you tried to keep the sip down. Bam snickered at your earlier statement.

"I thought about it. But I thought you'd rather drink someone's jizz the old-fashioned way." When you shot him a sour look at his statement, he motioned over to Johnny, who had stopped his push-up marathon but was now leaning heavily over the bar as he talked to the bartender. "He sure as hell wants you to. He's like, trying to auction himself off to you, dude."

"Ugh. Please don't start." You groaned, taking another large sip of your liquor bomb at the introduction of Johnny as a conversation topic. This happened every time you all got together and Johnny was acting like...Johnny, but you never liked it regardless. "He could be completely naked and three inches from me for all the fucks I give. I'm not interested in...all of that."

"Yeah, but you say that every time. And then all of a sudden he's your shining star all over again." Ehren pointed out critically, leaning back in his seat slightly to get a look at whatever Johnny was doing. You had your back turned so you couldn't see, but you assumed it was something even stupider than what he had started out with.

"Hey. Give her some credit. She's been Knoxville-free for three months. That's your longest streak yet." Chris high-fived you for your not-so-amazing feat, but you took the praise regardless, grinning despite Bam's scoff of disbelief right in your ear.

"Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts." He muttered, wincing when you elbowed him. He was supposed to be your number one supporter, and yet somehow he always seemed to be the one doubting you. "By the way, here's your night's worth."

You looked to him in surprise as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of Menthol smooths out of his pocket and popping it open only to reveal that it was filled with rolled joints. A huge grin quickly spread onto your face, and you snatched the box out of his hand before he had even gotten the chance to shut it again.

"You're the best. I thought I was going to have to rob Steve." You said happily, slipping the pack into your jacket pocket and silently making a mental note to take a smoke break outside in the next few minutes. "Speaking of. Is he here?"

"Uh, yeah. He's somewhere. I think he's in the bathroom getting his sinuses dusted." Pontius motioned to the bathroom behind him, a knowing grin on his face. You knew that was more than likely very true, so you didn't do any further investigating, instead focusing on the card tower.

"So, are you turning this into a skyscraper or what? Because it looks like shit right now." You observed, motioning to the sorry excuse for a card tower on the bar between them. Bam was letting out an irritated groan before you had even finished speaking, and he immediately picked the deck of cards back up.

"We're getting there, asshole! Drink your fucking liquor bomb and shut up." He snapped, kicking your bar stool further away from him in what you assumed was an attempt to keep you from disturbing him in any way as he started to concentrate on laying his next card.

"Yo. Y/n. I got a bet for you." Suddenly, you felt a hand clap down on your shoulder, and you didn't even have to look back to recognize Ryan Dunn's voice. However, you frowned, because bets and any of the Jackass crew never went well together, and Ryan happened to be one of the worst. You turned around to see him standing behind you with a hat you recognized to be Dave’s on his head backwards.

"Is it gonna be bad? Because I'm not even drunk yet, and I'm kind of tired." You asked with a grimace, holding up your barely-touched liquor bomb for proof as he shouldered through you and Bam to grab a stool for himself.

"I bet you can't make Knoxville cry by the end of the night." He announced his bet proudly, and you heard a crowd of snickers from everyone that was sitting around you. For a second you mentally face-palmed because of course it was some dumbass shit like this, but then you just scoffed.

"That is so fucking easy. He's like, the world's sloppiest drunk." You boasted. You couldn't count how many times you’d left the bar together with his face buried in your neck and his tears leaking down onto the collar of your shirt past three in the morning. You then turned back to look over at the bar, and sighed when you saw Johnny still talking loudly to the bartender as he swayed on his feet despite the heavy support of the bar. "Case in point. Look at that fucker."

"Psh. He's not even that drunk. Send him over one of the liquor bombs." Pontius encouraged, motioning to your collection of different ominously colored glasses that you all were harboring on your portion of the bar.

"I don't want to bring it to him." You shook your head, putting your hands up as you verbally stepped out of interacting with Johnny so soon. If you were going to make him cry, he was going to have to come to you. Which really wasn't as difficult as it sounded, considering he usually ended up doing so once he'd had a few good shots in him.

"Well I don't want to talk to him. He's going to be all weird and try to arm wrestle me." Chris scoffed, also stepping back and leaving both Bam and Ehren up for takers. Bam wrinkled his nose, and then Ehren let out a dramatic sigh.

"Fine. I'll do it. But I'm saying that Y/n sent it over so that he gets the idea." He grumbled, reaching over your shoulder to grab a glass that you had specifically avoided when choosing your drink due to the deep green color it possessed. You didn't even want to think about what was inside of that. You didn't exactly want him to say that it was directly from you, but you knew that it was a smart idea in order to lure Johnny in your direction, so you let it slide.

Johnny threw an arm around Ehren's shoulders the second that he was in reaching point, and you, Bam, Ryan, and Pontius all watched as Ehren attempted not to spill the drink upon handing it over to Johnny. You tensed up when Ehren spoke, and then you watched Johnny's eyes search until they found you from across the bar. His eyebrows raised slightly, and when you motioned for him to drink, you watched as he downed the entire thing in one go.

Ehren looked as disturbed as you felt when he looked back at you all, and he muttered something to Johnny before Johnny was getting up on unsteady legs and following him towards you. Bam let out yet another whine.

"Ugh, he didn't say he was bringing him over here. I don't want to do arm wrestling either." He complained, dropping his head onto your shoulder dramatically as if he was the one that was tasked with making Knoxville cry. You really had never met someone who complained as much as Bam did.

"Get off. You have to talk to him before I do. Just for that." You shoved his head away from you, knowing that even that gesture would put Johnny in a drunken bad mood that you really didn't want to deal with.

"Are you guys really arguing over having to interact with Knoxville? Of all people?" Ryan rolled his eyes, clapping both of you on the shoulder as he got up to intercept your inebriated ex. "I'll talk to him, you fucking pussies."

You and Bam both looked at each other with solidarity in the form of a 'I'm not a pussy' pout, but weren't given much time to discuss the topic due to the fact that Johnny was basically stepping on Ehren's heels as he arrived at your portion of the bar.

"You guys are making liquor bombs, and you didn't even invite me over?" He scoffed loudly as he stepped around you, his arm narrowly missing your head as he reached over you to get another glass. Ryan offered Johnny his stool, which he accepted gladly but almost missed when sitting down.

"We're building a card tower. Busy." Ryan supplied, motioning to said card tower, which had received two more cards from Pontius since you’d last looked. Bam put out an arm that gently held Johnny away from the bar, because it was easy to tell that if he got too close, the card tower was going to cease to exist.

"Don't drink too many of those, man. We're going for press tomorrow." Bam chuckled as he watched Johnny swallow down his glass like a man on a mission. If you weren’t so hellbent on keeping yourself out of his direct attention, you would've also voiced your concerns. But you were tasked with making him cry, not making him smart, so you stayed out of it.

"If anyone else is interested in dusting their sinuses, Steve-O's offering in the bathroom." Johnny was clearly not interested in the card tower, and he motioned vaguely towards the direction of the bathrooms as he quoted Pontius exactly on what your friend was spending his night doing. As if on cue, Johnny also sniffed and wiped his nose, and suddenly you made the connection.

"You bumped?" You asked in surprise, not able to help yourself from commenting. Johnny wasn't really one that leaned towards hard drugs hardly ever, and it was actually rare that you had even been able to convince him to smoke weed with you, so you really couldn't contain your shock. His eyes turned to you ridiculously slowly, as if you had just committed a war crime by speaking to him.

"Yeah, Y/n. I'm an adult." In a moment of perfect acting, he was able to completely mimic a sober, stressed out Johnny when he was asked if he was about to go have his fourth cigarette in an hour. You immediately sucked in my cheek and bit down to prevent yourself from answering with just as much snark.

"Y/n, weren't you going to go out and smoke?" Bam asked, not even looking over at you as he placed a card even with Chris' very carefully, but effectively saving you nonetheless. You glanced down at the cigarette box peaking out of your jacket pocket, and let out a soft sigh.

"Yeah, man. Any of you are welcome to join." Except for you, Knoxville. You slid off of your bar stool, silently wishing that smoking weed in public places was normal so that you didn't have to go stand outside of a shady bar in the dark by yourself late at night. You weren’t really in the mood to get catcalled by grimy men who had just finished throwing up in the dumpster down the alley.

Despite your offer, you found yourself making your escape on your own, the clear sight of Johnny's eyes on you as you slid around people to get to the front door. You weren’t sure if everyone was there, but you didn't run into anyone you knew before you had made it outside to the thankfully empty bar front.

Unfortunately for you, just as you were starting to think that you had gotten a break, you promptly realized that you didn't have a lighter. You’d come in the clothes you’d worn to work, and you obviously weren’t lighting up in front of everyone at work.

And then, just as you were getting ready to head back inside and bum a lighter off of someone, thinking that your situation couldn't get any worse, someone busted through the doors and onto the sidewalk a couple feet away from you before you could even move in that same direction. You glanced to the side to see if it was someone who looked like they had a lighter, only to see someone who you knew absolutely had a lighter.

"You said anyone!" Johnny must've seen the disapproving stare on your face when you spotted him, and he immediately fumbled in his pocket before fishing out a lighter and holding it out to you. "Just a couple hits, Y/n/n!"

"Don't call me that." You snatched the lighter out of his hand, pulling one of the joints out of your box and sticking it between your lips. It was kind of sloppily done, which meant that Bam had rolled them himself instead of Ryan, who usually did them for you, but the sentiment was there, so it didn't bother you. Once you had the joint lit, you took a long drag, inhaling until you couldn't anymore and then wincing when you felt the burn rising in your throat.

"Here." Johnny's voice drew your attention back to him, and you looked down at the glass he was holding out to you. It was his liquor bomb, which was almost gone by this point, and the glass looked grimy like his fingers and mouth had been all over it. You shook your head as you cleared my throat a couple times and exhaled a heavy cloud of smoke.

"I'm fine." You muttered, taking a couple steps forward and then sitting down on the curb. "You know, you're gonna crash like fucking hell tomorrow if you keep it up tonight."

Okay. You could only keep your concern to yourself for so long. And everyone else was inside, so it was fine. It's not like you were asking him to tongue you down.

"I know." He didn't really sound like he cared. You could feel his presence from where he had moved to stand right next to you, and there was black converse in the corner of your vision, but you didn't look at him. He cleared his throat. "I'm bleeding."

Sometimes, you really wondered how you had ever seen the appeal of basically becoming the full-time babysitter of the most accident-prone person you had ever met in your entire life. You knew his looks had a certain deciding factor, but not even that could top the stress of bandaging injuries and fixing messes left and right.

"What?" You turned back to look at him in surprise, because obviously you couldn't ignore that, only to see him holding out his scarlet-soaked hand. Your eyes widened considerably, and you shot into standing position. "What the hell? Where is it coming from?"

"I hit my head on the bar." He looked mostly unbothered, his eyes unfocused as he looked for somewhere to wipe his hand off. You stopped him before he could press the palm of his hand to his pants, holding his hand away as you mentally looked for the strength to deal with your piece of shit ex boyfriend.

"Bend down." You sighed, waiting until he had done so before moving to stand on the curb so that you had leverage and could inspect his head. He indeed was bleeding from his scalp, close to his hairline where blood was close to pooling down onto his forehead. It didn't look serious, and he didn't seem to be in any pain, but head injuries always bled a lot, and he needed to be cleaned up. You let out a dramatically irritated sigh. "Finish your drink and come inside so that I can clean off the blood."

You were supposed to be keeping your distance. You had promised yourself when you’d forcibly pushed him out of your apartment three months prior that it would be your last breakup. It would be your last breakup, and there would be no next makeup. But, despite that promise, he always seemed to find a way to weasel his way into your daily life, and you found yourself taking care of him even more than you had when you were dating him. You hated yourself every time you did it, but you couldn't really say no. And you were together more than you were apart due to your friend group, so you didn’t really have an option.

You got a couple of questioning stares when you passed everyone at the bar, and you just shook your head irritably at Bam when you grabbed another liquor bomb on your way towards the bathroom. The blood was now on Johnny's forehead, so it wasn't exactly a secret what you were dragging him away to do, but no one else really seemed to care about that.

The men's bathroom was locked, which you kind of anticipated because you knew exactly who was in there, but you really didn't want to converse with Steve-O in his current state, so you just pulled Johnny right into the open single-stall women's bathroom and locked the door behind the both of you.

"Drink up." You handed him the liquor bomb, leaving him to settle as you turned around to collect paper towels and wet some of them. You were going to enlist a medic to just start following him around so that you didn't need to spend your nights where you were supposed to be having fun patching him up when he inevitably let the liquor hit. You knew giving him more liquor probably wasn't the smartest idea, but it would increase your chances of him leaving you alone, and it would also increase the chances of him crying. Like you said; sloppy drunk.

"You're such a sweetheart, you know that? I miss you." Johnny rambled, and you glanced over momentarily to see him swaying around before giving up and just collapsing down on the closed toilet lid. Your shook your head as you turned towards him with an arsenal of paper towels.

"No, you don't. You're drunk as fuck." You reminded him as you pressed a damp paper towel to his head, your free hand cupping his head just under his ear to keep him from moving around. You could both see and feel him leaning into your touch the way he always did, but you were trying your best to ignore it.

"I don't care. I always miss you." He pouted as he took a smaller sip of his new liquor bomb, wincing as you wiped the blood away from his cut and from his forehead. You fought the urge to scoff, instead settling for just frowning.

"Stop upsetting yourself." You said softly, tilting his head forward slightly so that you could see his cut better. You were hyper aware of the fact that the current position of his head allowed him to look directly down your shirt, and you could tell he was in fact utilizing that advantage. You rolled your eyes but held my tongue on the subject. "You know, doing push-ups on the bar isn't going to get you the attention that you want."

"Why not?" He sounded genuinely surprised by your breaking news. You took a deep breath, knowing that he was sensitive under the influence of alcohol and that you really didn't want him to cry before you had Ryan there to witness your victory.

"Because it's stupid. Nobody gives a fuck about it." Clearly you didn't take a deep enough breath, because your words came out a lot harsher than you intended, and that immediately reflected on his face. You winced. "I meant…you don't need to do push-ups on the bar to get m–everyone's attention. You're welcome to join our card tower party."

"Okay." Johnny's voice had softened considerably, and when you relaxed your hand where you had been holding his head down, his eyes didn't move from the floor. You patted his scalp and forehead dry, making sure that he wasn't bleeding anymore before you gently tilted his chin so that he was forced to look at you.

"Are you going to be okay?" You asked gently, letting yourself break for a moment in an attempt to cure his pouting. His hand drifted up to touch the cut you had just finished cleaning before he nodded hesitantly.

"I'm gonna finish this." He said, mostly to himself as he held up his glass to you like he was showing off how much was left. You coaxed him into getting up so that you could wash his still-bloody hand off in the sink, allowing him to continue to drink as you did so. He watched you in complete silence between drinks.

"Don't do any more coke. Steve laces his with a bunch of other shit that you don't need." You said after a second of silence, your thought prompted by the sound of Steve-O’s laugh echoing through the shared bathroom wall.

"Okay." He said again, nodding obediently as you scrubbed his hand with yours under the lukewarm water from the bathroom sink. If you were together, Johnny would've been pressed up behind you this entire time, but thankfully he was keeping his distance now, standing as far away from you as he could get while still staring at where you were cleaning his hand in the sink with both of yours. You knew he could probably wash his own hand, but whatever.

Finally, once you had gotten him completely cleaned up, dried off, and filled with liquor, the both of you emerged from the bathroom, heading in the direction of where you could see a much-larger card tower before you re-joined the group.

"Did you make him cry yet?" Ryan asked in your ear as Johnny occupied himself with marveling over the card tower, crossing his arms as he narrowed his eyes at you. "Or did you skip straight to fucking?"

"Oh, fuck off. I was sitting out there, and he literally let me get one hit in before he came out with his head bleeding." You complained, wishing that you’d just gone home instead of hauling your ass out to a bar where all of your friends were trashed and you weren’t. "And he almost did. But I've got a finishing move, so just hold your damn horses."

"Finishing move? That's the lamest shit I've ever heard." Bam scoffed, leaning backwards into you so that he could overhear your conversation but not alert Johnny at the same time. You elbowed him, watching as Johnny gulped down the last of his third liquor bomb. Yeah. He was definitely going to become a mess in the next ten minutes.

"Let me work my magic in peace, asshole." You snapped, glancing at Johnny one more time before turning back to Ryan. "Can you go put 'Tennessee Whiskey' on the jukebox? George Jones version."

A long time ago, Johnny had promised you that Tennessee Whiskey was 'your song'. You think it was just mostly because he loved that song, and it reminded him of home, but he made you dance with him every time he heard it. Obviously you didn't do that anymore, but this was different. It was a bet, and he was already drunk. You wouldn't have to dance with him for long.

"Aw, dude. I totally forgot about that." Bam snickered as Ryan disappeared to do your bidding, taking a sip of his beer as he watched Johnny beg Chris to let him put a card on. You nodded, grinning and sitting back down next to him.

"But once you see him crying, you have to pull me out, because I don't want to keep dancing with him. I'm gonna end up sleeping with him if we dance for too long." You ordered, shooting him a warning look. You hadn't smoked much, but the liquor bomb was slowly getting to you, and you knew that your common sense was ebbing away more and more by the minute.

"You know, I don't understand why you don't just throw in the towel and fuck him again. It's not like either of you aren't still cock-in-hand for each other." Bam sighed, shaking his head like Johnny’s and your separation physically pained him. You threw a hand in the air, letting out an indignant noise.

"We've discussed this. He won't nut up and commit, so I kicked his ass to the curb. You don't drag trash back into your house after you've brought it out, Brandon." You said dryly, using his government name to stress the significance of your breakup.

"Jesus. Don't sugarcoat it." Somehow, Johnny had intercepted that part of the conversation, and was suddenly facing the both of you as he blinked sloppily at your harsh symbolism. He looked like shit, and you silently thanked heaven above that he'd plowed through every single one of the liquor bombs that had been on the table, because you really weren’t excited to see the aftermath of what would be if he had another glass. You waved him off.

"Fuck off." You said dismissively, praying that Ryan's jukebox selection would kick in faster so that you wouldn’t have to concern yourself with an argument before you finished the task at hand. He looked like he was going to say something that you definitely wouldn't have liked, but just in time, you heard the beginning of George John's voice. His eyes immediately clicked in recognition, and his glass slammed on the counter.

"You're joking." He said dramatically, reaching out and pulling on your hand. "Y/n." Gasping out your name like a plea for you to let him pull you along towards the wider part of the bar, his eyes were practically begging. You made a face.

"PJ–" You started, pretending like you were going to say no just to fuck with him a little bit so that it didn't seem like someone had picked the song on purpose. He yanked your hand gently and repeatedly.

"Please! Just for a little bit! I’ll never ask you for anything again!" He whined, pulling you hard enough to where you were forced to stand up. You turned back and smirked at Bam before you sighed and gave him the OK to drag you along, immediately being pulled away from the group and towards an open space in the middle of groups of people.

"Do not try anything." You warned as Johnny wrapped his arms low around your waist, a beaming grin on his face as he started to sway you back and forth to the music. George John's version was his favorite, and you could already hear him humming along.

"Shh. Just listen to the music." And before you could even respond, he had his face dropped down into your neck, and there was no longer any space between you as his arms tightened their grip around your waist. You sighed and wrapped your arms around his neck, running your fingers up the back of his neck and into his hair the way you knew he liked. He was now humming gently in your ear, and you could hear the crack in his voice from too many cigarettes as he sang.

God, you were going soft. How could you not? He was wrapped tightly around you, and he was humming the same song that he always hummed when he was showering in the morning. Plus, just as Bam had so eloquently put, you really were still ‘dick-in-hand for him’, and you would’ve been lying to yourself had you said you didn’t still love him. You were trying to force yourself not to, but so far it had been a failed attempt.

"This is still our song." Johnny mumbled, and in a moment of small victory, you realized you could hear the telltale shake in his voice. Yep. Three liquor bombs were definitely triggering the water works. You kept your fingers in his hair, swaying him around and rubbing his shoulder with the hand that was rested over it.

"I know." You said softly, enjoying yourself for a moment as you held Johnny to the soft sounds of George John's voice. To give yourself some credit, you weren’t lying. Even if you two never ended up back together again, you would still picture his face and hear his voice every time you heard this song. He had ingrained it into your brain. He sniffled.

"I miss you." He repeated what he'd said in the bathroom, and this time there was so much emotion in his voice that you were really starting to believe him. “I miss you so goddamn much. I can’t live without you, babydoll.”

You leaned back, forcing his face out of your neck, only to confirm that he was in fact crying. His eyes were rimmed with red, and he looked like a kicked, admittedly drunk puppy. You glanced back at Ryan, who was watching the both of you intently, and tipped your head to the side so that he could get a perfect view of a crying Johnny Knoxville for proof. You saw him laugh, and then promptly realized that Bam, your rescue agent, was nowhere to be seen. Perfect. You were going to have to stay.

"You'll be okay." You consoled, resting your hand on his arm where his hand was still on your hip. His skin was warm despite the chill in the bar, and you silently wondered where exactly his shirt had ended up. He shook his head adamantly.

"No, I won't. I need you." He whined, his face suddenly noticeably closer to yours than it had been a couple of seconds before. You felt your heart ache, and the liquor inside of you screaming to wrap him up in your arms and never let him go again. God fucking damn it.

Liquor always overpowered common sense. It was a well-known fact, and it was something that you had to accept if you planned on drinking. That's why, despite your best intentions, you slid your hand up to his neck and pulled him down, pressing your lips to his as you wiped the tears from his eyes. There had never been a time where you’d danced to 'your song' and hadn't made out, and you weren’t about to spoil a tradition. You knew that everyone else was definitely watching, and that you were going to be facing a heaping pile of liquid regrets in the morning, but at that moment you couldn't find it inside of you to care. You loved him too goddamn much.

“PJ, why don’t I take you back outside so you can get a little fresh air.” You could still hear him sniffling and despite you wiping his eyes, the tears were still coming, so you broke away to motion towards the side door. Johnny shook his head adamantly, his arms tightening around you and his forehead dropping against yours.

“No. Just wanna stay here and dance with you.” He mumbled, pressing another kiss to your lips and then swaying you back and forth with his cheek pressed against yours. “Stay with me, okay sweetheart?”

“Whatever you want, baby. Whatever you want.”