Since it’s basically impossible for me to ever get bottom surgery (and I should stop pretending like that’s a dream that’ll ever be within reach), maybe I should put some of that energy into getting laser for my face
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Episode 450: That man who says he is Barnabas
Haughty overlord Joshua Collins and his long-term house-guest the Countess DuPrés have summoned good witch Bathia Mapes to lift the curse that has made Joshua’s son Barnabas a vampire. Meanwhile, Barnabas has bitten his second cousin Millicent and gone to the waterfront to find another victim. Bloggers Danny Horn, Patrick McCray, and John and Christine Scoleri have said so much so well about this…
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I had no idea before but apparently there's a thing called being shadow banned, and when it happens other blogs won't get notifications from you when you follow them or reblog and like their posts and you can't send asks and replies and the replies on your own original posts get vanished and your new original posts won't show up in other people's dashboards and tags and tumblr searches.
And that's happened to my blog recently and Christ I am so annoyed. like tumblr? How dare you?
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Tesinktober 2022 Day 23 --- Darkness
"The Grove of Reflection can show men who they truly are. Only after facing the truth will the Tree of Shades give up its branches to you." --- Dyus.
What if the shade we fought in the grove is our Shadow...
I'm not a professional in Psychology, but basically: The Shadow personifies everything that one refuses to acknowledge about themselves. The part they repressed.
(long post, 600 words to against town)
Deep in Milchar, Acelta carefully approached the Standing Stone. The still water around it seemed strangely dark. Green writing on the obelisk shined brighter responding to his presence.
He thought back on what Dyus said, "the tree will not surrender its secrets to one who has not earned them". Acelta knew he had to prove himself to the Tree, but felt anxious for the unknown trial he's about to face.
Magical green light flew out of the stone, landed on the dark water, spawning a thick cloud of black smoke. Acelta noticed the ripples under the smoke. Then he saw a humanoid figure.
That shadow figure stepped out of the smoke, walked toward him. Acelta immediately stepped back. To his surprise, he saw himself. The shade raised from the dark water almost looked identical to himself, except for the black color they possessed.
The shadow clone kept getting closer. Acelta backed away, readied his spell, and waited for the other to make the first strike. Instead of fighting, the shadow started to whisper.
Acelta froze.
The shadow used Acelta's own voice to whisper his dark secrets. Hurtful feelings he tried to forget. Destructive thoughts he tried to ignore. Painful guilt he tried to repress.
Before Acelta came to the Shivering Isles, he used to be called a hero. The truth is, he never felt worthy of that title. People thanked him for closing the gate, yet he counted every life he failed to save. Martin sacrificed himself so he could live, yet he couldn't stand to live in the world without him in it. What kind of hero, what kind of FRIEND he was? Tried to start a new life in the plane of Oblivion. Forgot everything triggered his painful memories. Pretended there was nothing for him back in Nirn. Ungrateful for everything Martin saved with his own life. How dare him…
The shade walked closer and closer. The whispers reopened all his unhealed trauma. Acelta was overwhelmed and collapsed onto the dark water. The shade stopped in front of him. The world seemed to get darker and darker. The shadow towered over him. The darkness consumed him.
In the darkness, Acelta saw the shadow's tears.
He thought back to everything the shade said to themselves. That is to say, everything he said to himself.
Throughout his life, Acelta could empathize with people's feelings when they're hurt. He'd tried everything he could to heal their pain. He never realized his blind spot. Only when he saw himself from the outside point did he finally understand. It's not fair for him to do this to himself. No one deserves this cruelness.
"I'm… hurting myself." Acelta's tears fell down his face. Those destructive thoughts he said were self-sabotage. "I'm sorry." He reached out to hold the shadow in his arms. "I'm sorry I didn't take care of myself." To his surprise the shadow returned the hug. Despite all the darkness, the shadow is part of himself. They both tighten their embrace and wept in silence.
Acelta pulled back a little, looked them in the eyes and whispered: "I deserve love, too." He said this both to the shade, and to himself. Maybe his vision was blurred by his tears. The shade didn't look that black anymore. The darkness around them faded away without his notice.
The shade looked up abruptly. Acelta followed their gaze. A branch fell down from the Tree of Shades. In his panic Acelta missed the branch. The shade caught it, and handed it to him. They looked at each other for a moment, then the shade returned to the water.
The water still looked strangely dark, but… clearer.
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