#day6 hard thoughts

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Young K: One Door Away [Part 2]

i truly cannot believe it's been almost 2 years since i posted the first part of this! 😬 it makes me incredibly happy to hear that you all enjoyed it so much, all my younghyun stories hold special places in my heart, so i'm happy to continue this one and hope you all like it too 💗 (fyi there will be a part 3, this story's not over yet!!)

Younghyun x Fem Reader. Smut (office coworkers, mutual pining). 5.3k

[Part 1]

You blinked your tired eyelids, a heavy sigh pushing itself out as you stretched and waited for your vision to adjust. You saw a pile of clothes on the chair next to your head: black men's dress pants, a sleek blue tie, and a maroon blazer...your maroon blazer. Suddenly everything came back to you, and you remembered you were not in your own room. Your head whipped around and you saw Younghyun still asleep, the soft skin of his bare chest a lovely golden hue in the light of the morning sunrise that streamed in through the large hotel window. So it wasn't a dream. You really had slept with Younghyun, the man you'd been pining over for God knows how long. You sat up and a blush rushed through you when you remembered all the things you'd said and done to and with each other the night before. Not that you wanted to take them back, certainly not, but slightly embarrassing to think about nonetheless. Things you'd only fantasized about, kept locked in your head for so long, had become reality.

A mild panic took over your senses though, the more you thought (and over thought). What if he didn't really like you that much? What if he was just trying to fuck you? What if now that he had, he would drop you, not talk to you at work anymore? What if, what if, what if?

You felt Younghyun stir then, and glanced over at him again. He carded a hand through his tousled hair and smiled up at you. "Hello," he chuckled groggily.

"Hi." You smiled warmly back at him, happy to see that he seemed okay. Despite everything he'd told you the night before, you still couldn't help your self doubt. It wouldn't go away that easily, despite your thoughts last night that it would.

Younghyun stretched an arm out across the mattress, silently inviting you into the warmth of his embrace, and you couldn't resist the urge to lay back down with him. So you didn't.

You fell back onto your side and your heart skipped a beat when he pulled you in to kiss you. That certainly helped convince you he was really into you. You started to wonder at what point you wouldn't need that kind of reassurance, if ever, and sighed internally at yourself.

"What time is it?" He asked through a yawn. You'd both stayed up late, indulging in quite a few fantasies for longer than you originally anticipated.

"Eight fifteen," you answered.

"Ugh, we have to check out by nine."

Your heart sank a bit at the acknowledgement that your little trip was almost over. You'd have to go back to "the real world", to your complicated lives that were suddenly even more complicated, instead of this sort of oasis you'd created.

"Hm, so forty five minutes yet?" You smirked, climbing to your knees and moving to straddle him.

Younghyun chuckled, getting the idea, and rubbed at his still sleepy eyes. "I suppose so. What did you have in mind?"

"Dunno," you shrugged, but pulled the T-shirt you'd borrowed over your head, leaving you completely naked.

Younghyun smirked and shook his head, then lunged playfully at you, tumbling you onto your back and pinning you against the bed below him, sending a high-pitched giggle from you. He glanced down, drinking in the sight of your body, then back up to your eyes, making you blush again.

But his expression was one of warm comfort, his gaze more loving than lustful. Younghyun lowered himself to press his chest, pleasantly warm, to yours, skin against skin, and kissed you passionately, not pulling back until you were both breathless. His lips just fit so perfectly against yours, you didn't even care if you had morning breath.

"We really can't be too long," he said halfheartedly between little kisses now. "Gotta pack..."

"Yeah..." You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, really not wanting to face the rest of the world when this perfect moment was right here and now, so warm and cozy...

Younghyun kissed you again as his hands curved over your legs. They moved over your waist, your torso, groped at your breasts briefly, and ended at your jaw, cradling it. A long, dissatisfied sigh left him before he reluctantly pulled back, forcing himself to sit up and get the day started.

You sighed too and subconsciously pouted as you stretched, then got up as well, cool, air-conditioned air ruining the warm bed.

You felt how shaky your legs were when you tried to stand, and tumbled back onto the mess of sheets for a moment. Ruffling your tousled hair, that you were sure looked like an absolute wreck, you heard Younghyun snicker as he walked past you.

"This is all your fault, you know," you teased, calling towards him as he entered the bathroom.

He laughed heartily and came back out in a few seconds, toothbrush in hand. "Uh huh, and why's that?" He leaned against the wall near the bathroom and started brushing away, watching you stretch your sore muscles. You grabbed your own shirt off the chair and pulled it on.

"You're the one who wanted to keep going," you answered with a sly smirk, securing a couple of buttons on your shirt. "Maybe I wouldn't be so sore today if we'd stopped after the first couple rounds."

Younghyun pulled the brush from his mouth and spoke in a slightly muffled voice. "Oh right, like you didn't want to keep going too."

You were only teasing him, of course; you wanted to keep fucking him the night before just as much as he did, if not more so. And while, yes, your muscles did ache a bit today, it was well worth it, and you didn't regret your actions at all.

"Hmm, maybe," you quipped.

You glanced at the clock; 8:21 now. Sighing, you grabbed the rest of your stuff and remembered then that you had locked yourself out of your own room. You actually couldn't recall if you'd left the adjoining room door unlocked from your side or not. So you tried the door. It opened. So you must have. Wishful thinking must have swayed your actions; hopes that you would have a chance to have a night alone with Younghyun.

"Gonna shower and pack, I'll meet you at nine," you called to Younghyun, who acknowledged it positively.

So you did exactly that, doing your best to stay focused on your tasks, even though all you wanted to do was jump around your room giddily and hop back into bed with Younghyun. In the middle of packing, you heard your phone buzz, and checked it to see Hyerin had texted you.

Hyerin: updates pls?? 🤲

You rolled your eyes but couldn't help the huge smile that crept across your face. You wanted to call her and gush about the night you'd had. But things were just starting out, and you didn't want to jinx it. Besides, you had things to do, and didn't want Younghyun overhearing your conversation.

You: tell you when i get home!

That should be good enough. You set your phone down but it buzzed again before you fully set it down.

Hyerin: so there are updates???

You ignored it, getting back to packing, but heard a few more buzzes over the next few minutes. You got a quick shower, got dressed, and when you were ready to go, it was nearly 9:00. You cleared away your text notifications from your lock screen, not bothering to read them right now, and headed out the door with your luggage. Younghyun met you in the hallway just a couple minutes later, the door locking behind him. You didn't see him in casual clothes too often, but he looked extra cute in his jeans and t-shirt.

"Alright, let's go," he said with a smile.

🚪

When you were both back at work Monday morning, things were different. You knew they would be, but you were nervously unsure of the ways they would be.

While most were positive, you were a realist, and still acutely aware of the fact that things could always go sour. And then you'd be stuck working together with that between you.

You'd talked with him on the plane ride home how you'd handle things at the office. You both agreed it was far too early to say you were dating (you hardly knew if that was even true yet, anyway). For now, to them, nothing had changed between you two. To your coworkers, you and Younghyun we also only coworkers.

But you found yourself smiling more. In a better mood.

The next day, Tuesday, you met in Younghyun's office to compile your notes, the connections you'd made and information you'd received while at the conference. His door closed behind you and your heart pounded harder, especially when you heard the lock quietly click. This was the first time you were alone with him since getting home. Lucky for you he didn't leave you hanging. The second he turned around he whisked you into his arms and kissed you for the first time since you'd returned from your perfect weekend.

"Sorry," he said with a happy sigh, pulling away. Kissing you at work; was it professional? No. But were you happy he did it? Of course. Besides, it's not like you could focus on work distracted by his presence. Letting off a little steam now and then was...a good thing then? Right?

That logic was good enough for you. You didn't let him go far before pulling him back into your arms, lips back on his. Younghyun relaxed against you, smiling against your lips and kissing you back, wrapping his arms as far around you as they would reach.

"We shouldn't...at work..."

He nodded in agreement but neither of you showed any indication of stopping. "I know."

You found yourself soon straddling Younghyun while he sat in his office chair, your skirt hiked up your thighs and one too many buttons on his shirt undone. It was taboo, it was unprofessional, and it was exactly what you'd been fantasizing about for months. Younghyun mouthed hungrily across your jaw and down your neck, his hands helping your hips rock against his. Everything was rushed, breathless, hot. You wrapped your arms around him, pressing your body into his touch, small whines making their way through your heavy breaths. Your hands carded through his hair as his mouth nipped at your collarbone, getting lost in how perfect it felt to be in his arms. Your hips were moving without his help now, rolling along his crotch, lust guiding your every action. You could feel Younghyun was getting hard but there was a part of you that was tied to reality, your rational brain pushing its way to the forefront. You reluctantly pulled back and though he instinctively moved towards you, you used your hands to physically push him back. Younghyun looked up at you expectantly, hair and clothes so gorgeously mussed.

"We can't do this here. Or, at least...I can't."

Younghyun swallowed hard and wiped his mouth that was a bit stained by your lipstick and nodded, pulling himself back up in his chair as you climbed off him. You stood in front of him, wanting so desperately to sit back down. But you really liked this job, and being here, in the moment, the paranoia that you might lose it broke through it all. But you didn't know if you could verbalize these feelings to Younghyun at the moment.

"I understand. It's totally fine." He cleared his throat and worked on retying his tie while you pulled your skirt back down. You sat into the chair on the other side of his desk and saw him adjust the tent in his pants. Ugh, leaving him like that felt cruel, to both of you. "I'll just...get off in the bathroom later," he said with a chuckle, smoothing his hair back into place.

"Sorry."

"No no, hey..." He waited for you to look at him. "I'm not gonna do anything you're not comfortable with. I promise."

Ughhhhh. Maybe...it wouldn't be a big deal if you did one or two things. Apparently Brennan and Sooin were doing it pretty often and they were still here. Why couldn't you let loose and have a little bit of your own fun?

You quickly undid a few buttons on your shirt as you walked back around to his side, and his brow furrowed, confused. "You don't need the bathroom." You sank to your knees and yanked at his belt, fumbling to undo it and his zipper, but he stopped you.

"Y/N, no." His hand held yours tightly and his voice sounded authoritative, which you were certain was not having the effect he intended. It only made you want him more. "I'm serious; I'm not letting you do something you're not comfortable doing."

"I know. I want to do this."

He studied your face, searching for any sign of wavering, but evidently he could tell you were fine, so he wordlessly let go of your hands and let them resume their task. Younghyun adjusted in his chair, helping you get his dick out, biting hard to his lip. Your heart pounded in your chest, a flush rushing through you when you had his length in your hands again. It grew harder in your grip, the veins trailing up it deliciously, the head red and starting to leak precum already. You watched his face as you dragged your tongue up the shaft, reveling in the way his mouth hung ajar. You swirled your tongue over the head then pulled it between your lips with a light moan. God, your mouth was simply watering. You heard the bustle of your office just outside his door, but you had found a way to bring the little slice of paradise you'd formed with him in Chicago back home. In the back of your mind you knew....there was no way this could be a regular occurrence. You'd have to do these things in the privacy of your own home, like everybody else (well, almost everybody else). And that was fine. Actually, that was more than fine, so long as Younghyun continued to be the one there with you. But for right now, this was perfect.

"God, your mouth feels so fucking good, " he murmured, not wanting to be too loud. His hand ran through your hair and gently pushed. Clearly he was impatient for more, perhaps worried about the time. You didn't waste any more time then, letting your jaw fall slack and taking in as much of him as you could, then hollowing your cheeks for suction. "Oh Y/N..." Younghyun breathed hard through his nose, teeth digging further into his reddened bottom lip. You worked your hand over the base of his length and bobbed your mouth over the rest, moving quickly, just wanting to see him cum. Besides, the longer you spent on this, the more turned on you were getting.  You knew you didn't have the luxury of time for you both to get off.

"Want you to cum in my mouth, Younghyun." You moved quickly, pushing him on, coaxing him along to that exact endpoint, and you heard his breath catch. He gripped the black plastic arm of his office chair and let his head fall back.

"That's not gonna be hard, believe me."

You smiled to yourself, absolutely loving that you could seemingly have the effect on him that he had on you.

You felt the way he subtly thrust into your throat, the way the head of his cock bumped against the roof of your mouth, and you struggled to keep your hand out from under your own skirt. Your panties were stuck to your skin and simply ruined by now, and your clit throbbed for attention. You weren't sure how you'd make it through the rest of the day, but you knew you'd be having a busy night with your vibe when you got home. You heard your phone chime in your pocket with an email notification and rolled your eyes. It could wait.

"I'm gonna...I'm so close," he groaned. He brought his gaze back to yours and held it, intently watching you, pupils dark with lust. "Gonna cum in your mouth, baby..." Those last words drifted out of him dreamily, like he couldn't believe his luck. That tone made your heart warm and the words made your pussy throb.

"Mhmm," you encouraged, taking his length further into your throat, almost making you gag. But you pushed on, doing your best to breathe through your nose, and just when you were about to pull off for some much needed air, he pulled you off himself.

"I got it, I'm--I'm gonna cum." He leaned forward and his hand took the place of yours. You sat back, positioning your outstretched tongue right in front of him. "God, you're so good, so fucking good." His hand tugged at his cock so quickly, in mere seconds you felt his warm release hit your tongue, splatter across your lips. The sound he made when he hit his climax was like fucking music to your ears, and you were absolutely soaked at this point. You were sure if you walked out of his office at that moment anyone who passed you would be able to smell exactly how turned on he made you. Thankfully your office was right next door and the day was nearly over.

Younghyun held your chin in his palm and tilted it up, letting you look into his eyes. You could see the genuine appreciation in his eyes, even when they were clouded with lust. He leaned down and kissed you, letting his tongue mingle with yours, saliva and cum mixing messily and making you feel absolutely filthy. You wanted to feel like that every day.

Younghyun helped you to your feet and you kissed again, both of you having a hard time pulling away from each other's lips. "How 'bout we get this work done?"

He sighed and rebuckled his belt and zipped his pants back up. "Yeah, we really should."

It certainly was not easy, but you got your mind almost entirely back on track, though it was extra difficult when every time you moved you could feel a huge damp spot between your legs. But finally you finished your work with him and were done for the day.

This would work, right? You wondered to yourself again if you were making a mistake, involving yourself with a colleague like this. It was clearly distracting you, and you worried it would affect your career. You walked to your car, your mind full of anxious thoughts, but Younghyun's voice broke in, when you heard him calling your name.

You turned around and saw him lightly jogging to catch up with you.

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Um...just gonna eat dinner and watch some movies, I guess." And jerk off as many times as I can.

"If you want, I'd really like to take you to dinner, and also repay you for your, er...service." He smiled at you and you couldn't help but laugh at his phrasing. "Not necessarily in that order."

You blushed a bit and looked around, wondering if anyone saw you talking to him or heard him asking you out.

But you did want to go out with him. "Okay, yeah. That'd be nice." You smiled back and hitched your bag higher on your shoulder. "Time?"

"6:30?"

"Sounds good." You dropped your eyes, getting a bit shy at the idea someone you worked with could see or maybe even hear you. This wasn't what you'd talked about; you had planned to keep things quiet at work. Between an office blowjob and now him asking you out so blatantly...Could your plan already be going awry after only two days?

"I'll pick you up, just text me your address."

"Okay." You started to swerve away from him to make your way to your car, but his hand caught yours, stopping you.

"Wait, Y/N." You turned around, and you both had to move then to get out of the path of your coworker's car that was coming through. You instinctively yanked your hand out of his grasp and gave a little wave to your coworker as she passed. "Listen, I..." His voice dropped a bit so you knew only you could hear. "I know we've moved...pretty fast...physically." Younghyun cleared his throat and shifted his weight nervously. "But like I said the first night in my hotel room, I'm not usually so forward. And I don't usually, you know...do things like this. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I just really like you."

You figured that was probably the case, especially because it was for you too. You so appreciated hearing him say that, though, as it helped immensely with your self doubt. But this was not the time nor the place. "I know, I'm not...really like this either, usually. We can talk about it more tonight. I'll see you at 6:30."

🚪

Younghyun picked you up right on time, and you felt almost giddy getting into the car. Outside of work, you could be normal, in a relationship like anybody else. You hopped into the car and gave him a big kiss that made him giggle, and you were off to your first official date with him.

He took you to your favorite restaurant and you had such a wonderful, relaxing evening. You connected with him so well, he was able to make your anxieties about work the furthest thing from your mind.

"I still have to repay you for this afternoon," he noted as he took another bite of his steak.

You shrugged innocently and smiled as you sipped your drink. "I wanted to do it. You don't have to repay me." While you meant that, you were also just dying to have him touch you too. You'd held back from masturbating the way you had planned and even though you'd changed from the soaked panties you'd worn at work, the current ones were quickly getting to a similar state.

Younghyun chuckled darkly and grabbed his own glass. "Not a chance."

You smiled and crossed your legs in an effort to quiet your clit that throbbed for attention.

He cleared his throat and broke the small lull. "Y/N, I wanted to get back to what I'd said in the parking lot earlier." He put his utensils down and crossed his arms on the table, giving you his full attention. You remembered his words and your heart started pounding. You stayed quiet and let him talk. "I...wouldn't have gotten involved with you unless I had good intentions. I don't want you thinking I'm some playboy that sleeps around. Or that I've only been with you for sex."

You let him finish his thought and nodded understandingly. Although you didn't want to believe it, that thought had crossed your mind, so you appreciated him acknowledging it without you needing to bring it up. You set your glass down and gave him your attention in return. "I know that, Younghyun. I don't think that about you. And I'm not...used to doing so much, so soon either." You dropped your gaze, embarrassed now. "It's been awhile since I've been with anyone."

"Me too."

You both left that topic alone after that, not wanting to dwell on it. You switched your conversation to a lighter one. It was so easy with him, you loved how freely you could talk to him. It felt like you'd known him your whole life.

🚪

You weren't sure exactly why you both were always so ready to jump the other's bones; you figured it was a combination of waiting so long to get together, having sexual tension built up for so long, and being in the proverbial "newlywed phase" of your relationship. But whatever it was, it landed you back in Younghyun's lap, straddling him in the front seat of his car in the back of the dark restaurant parking lot, like a couple of horny teenagers. But he did want to repay you, and who were you to deny him that?

He fumbled for the button on the side of his seat, sliding it back as far as it would go to give you more room. Your hips rutted desperately against his, your mouths moving perfectly together, his hot breath mixing with yours.

Younghyun's fingers slipped under your dress, the tips of the digits gliding along the outside crotch of your panties. "Oh my God, you're so wet already."

You blushed a bit, somewhat embarrassed at how crazy he made you, but you knew he'd find it hot. "Been wet ever since I sucked you off," you said breathlessly, spreading your legs more to give him better access. He moved your panties aside and let a single finger play with your clit, and you hummed your approval into his mouth. It was such a small action, but it felt so fucking good. The car was already getting humid, the windows starting to fog from two sets of heavy breathing. You yanked your shirt over your head and he quickly dropped his head to mouth over the swell of your breasts. A finger entered you and made you gasp, hands flying to grip the seat at either side of his head.

"This what we're gonna do?" You chuckled airily. "Just 'repay' each other over and over again?"

Younghyun laughed against your skin then peered up at you. "'Course not. You think I'm letting you go one of these times without fucking you?" Fuck. Part of you wished he'd do just that right at that moment, but you also couldn't get yourself to stop him when he was already making you feel so good. His hand moved quickly now, and he held your gaze and watched your mouth slip into an "O" shape, rubbing harshly to your clit and making you moan loudly.

His free hand came up to pull the cup of your bra out of the way, his tongue poking out to play with your nipple, prodding and teasing it deliciously. It felt like live wires were connecting you, sparking with every touch. You knew you would cum easily if he kept this up.

"Ah, Younghyun, please don't stop, please..." Younghyun sucked at your nipple, groaning all the while, his fingers making you see stars. You felt your heels hit his steering wheel and gripped your hands tighter on the headrest. Your climax was within reach, right there, already. Your voice got higher in pitch, your hips rutting more strongly, and Younghyun didn't stop for a second, determinedly reaching his goal. Your eyes jumped down to catch his just as your orgasm washed over you, the dark sensuality in his heightening the feelings that much more. You gripped his hair and pulled him off your nipple, leaning down to shove your tongue into his mouth hungrily. He moaned into your mouth and his fingers curled inside you and made you gasp, your pussy swollen and throbbing in overstimulation. Clenching as he pulled his fingers out, completely breathless, you closed your eyes and tried to swallow hard, but your mouth was quite dry. Your head was spinning at the whirlwind orgasm, but your weren't exactly surprised it didn't take you long, since you'd been so horny for the last few hours. Younghyun brought his dripping, sticky fingers up to his lips, making you blush as he sucked them clean. "Don't, oh my God," you giggled, embarrassed, pushing his hand down.

But he resisted, groaning at the taste when he got his fingers back into his mouth. "You taste so sweet, baby, I'd never let that go to waste. Need you to sit on my face again, like that first night."

Your pussy clenched again at the memory alone, and you sighed, sitting further back on his thighs. Your own were weak from shaking and your heart was thrumming strongly in your chest, but you felt that melancholy feeling of reality creeping back in when he kissed you.

He pulled back but kept his forehead pressed to yours, his warm breath ghosting over your cheeks. "It's late, gotta work in the morning. Let me take you home."

You sat in blissful, sleepy silence while he drove you home, watching the lights out the window pass, each stop light and street lamp like a twinkling Christmas light to you in your rose-colored haze. At least you could have this feeling outside of work. But every time you thought of the office again, you worried. Things were so different now. If you had to choose between Younghyun and your career, you worried you wouldn't know the right decision to make. You turned to look at him, remembering how he used to look to you when you were merely coworkers, just a few days ago even. Things changed so quickly, maybe they could change quickly again...

🚪

"So when are you and Younghyun gonna do something?"

You took a bite of your sandwich and raised your eyebrows with an inquisitive expression as Sooin sat beside you for lunch in the break room a few days later. "...'Do something'?"

"You know, get together. It's so obvious you want to."

God, if she only knew. But you were glad she didn't. Evidently she didn't suspect anything was going on between you and Younghyun already. And you preferred to keep it that way. It was really none of her business.

"What, like you and Brennan?" You scolded yourself internally for mentioning that as soon as it left your mouth. You weren't sure if that was something you were supposed to pretend to not know.

But she smiled, taking a bite of her pasta smugly. "Yes."

You popped a chip into your mouth and tried to seem nonchalant. You didn't want to get into this with her, even if she was probably the one person in your office who would understand your situation. "We're just friends."

"Whatever you say." She clearly didn't buy it, but so long as she didn't pry, it didn't faze you much. Unfortunately, she continued. "But I'm just saying, I can tell you like him. And he seems like he likes you. He's cute; someone else might snatch him up if you don't hop to it. Hell, I probably would have took my shot if Brennan hadn't gotten to me first." You might have something to say had your situation been different. If you weren't already with him, you might have a comeback, something to get her off your back. But you simply held your tongue. "I've seen Marissa eyeing him."

The mention of the cute new receptionist's name almost put you over the edge. You were so happy with Younghyun, and that should be enough, at least for now, but a big part of you wanted to just scream that you were with him, that you'd gone out with him, that you'd fucked him, that you'd sucked his dick, that you'd sat on his beautiful fucking face. But you didn't. You took another bite of your sandwich and you let it go. You were at work, in a professional environment, not in a frat house. You were all coworkers, not on a reality dating show.

"She can look wherever she wants. I told you, Sooin; Younghyun and I are just friends."

"Okay..."

🚪

You had a meeting with a couple of coworkers after lunch, including your "friend", and you again had to really focus to keep your attention on work. Especially now that Sooin was planting thoughts in your head, thoughts that played into your insecurities. You stared at Marissa through the glass of the conference room, as she obliviously typed away at her desk, then glanced over to Younghyun, across the table from you. You were just starting to feel confident in your relationship with him, and now felt like you were rolling back down the other side of the hill you just climbed. Not that you thought he'd cheat on you. You just didn't like the idea of someone else, especially someone pretty who also saw him every day, to be...Oh God, were you turning into a jealous girlfriend? You rubbed your temple and refocused, notes of pricing increases and new employee hiring needing to be in the forefront of your mind. You wondered if Younghyun was having any other similar thoughts, if your relationship was distracting him from work the way it was for you, the way you'd promised yourself it wouldn't...

If you enjoyed this, consider liking, reblogging, replying, or sending an ask (comments and messages provide so much motivation to keep writing!) 💌 Thanks for reading! 💋

[shuahoonie]

when you love someone | choi seungcheol

pairing: non-idol!seungcheol (svt) x female!reader

notes: angst, eventual fluff— maybe, exes to friends to lovers (?), slow burn, meddling friends, swearing, alcohol consumption. loosely based on the song 그렇더라고요 (when you love someone) by DAY6

word count: 4.3k

summary: some seek love and have the pleasure of keeping it, some never find it, and some aren't meant to find it. you and cheol are determined to discover whether love still exists beyond your old love letters.

part of the to x, with love mini series

shuahoonie's masterlist | to x, with love masterlist

jun was always curious as to how you've managed to just sit there and laugh at chan’s comment when you're in the same room as seungcheol, let alone show up at seungcheol and jeonghan’s quaint cafe.

he knew better than to pry you for questions, of course, but knowing how deep your relationship ran with cheol, it was astounding to see you light on your feet.

“junnie,” you nudged jun who was sitting right next to you, evidently staring at you. “is there something wrong?” you asked quietly, careful not to attract any attention. most of the attention were on seungkwan and chan anyway as they were busy bantering about a prolonged birthday gift.

jun snapped out of his thoughts and shook his head no, a sheepish smile forming in face. “sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” he apologized, scratching the back of his head.

“it’s all good,” you laughed softly. “sorry, i must’ve been talking a lot, huh? it’s just—” you sighed “it’s been a while since i saw you guys.”

“no, no,” jun was quick to dispute whatever it is that you were thinking. “it’s nothing, ynnie. don’t worry about it.” he smiled. “it’s just nice having you here.”

“it’s nice being here too,” you said half-heartedly, while stealing a quick glance at cheol, who was already looking at you from across the room.

a couple of days before you showed up at the café, you received a text from soonyoung, asking forcing you to attend this exclusive get-together.

the heads up was nice and it was sweet that they miss you because you miss them too— you were all friends first, of course.

“haohao,” you called your friend who was busy cooking in your kitchen. minghao was the only friend from the group who still hung out with you regularly— mainly because you two don’t live that far from each other.

“yeah?” he called back.

you walked towards the kitchen, leaning against the pillar. “were you ever going to tell me about it?” you pointed out, still looking at the message in your screen.

“tell you what?” hao asked, confused.

“the hang out.”

“what hang out?” hao knew exactly what you were talking about though. he was just trying to be… careful. right, careful.

“c’mon, hao,” you crossed your arms. you weren’t mad though, you knew exactly why they were doing this— why they’re trying so hard. it’s hard enough to get everyone gather at the same day, however, it’s even harder to have your friends— two of which used to date— to be at the same place. “it’s fine, you know.”

“well,” hao turned off the stove, carefully plating your food. “do you wanna go?”

“i mean, it’s been a while since i saw the boys together,” you mumbled, playing with your nails. “and besides, i miss them.”

“them?” hao smirked, as if he knew damn well that you were pertaining to someone else.

“shut up, minghao.” you grumbled, taking a seat at the table, the smell of hao’s delicious masterpiece filling up your nostrils. “thank you for the food.”

hao hummed in response, watching you as you eat your food with a pout, making him smile.

silence enveloped the rest of the meal. it wasn’t until you were washing the dishes when hao suddenly asked “you know, no one really figured out why you two broke up.” you almost dropped the plate you were holding upon hearing the question. “all i remember was cheol wanted to drink to death one day. if it wasn’t for shua and jeonghan that made him pull from his senses, i honestly don’t know what would’ve happened.”

“we were too young. too passionate, too—” you answered, trying to think of an answer that made sense because frankly, you didn’t know why either. “hao, we were each other’s world.” your voice drifts off.

minghao just listened intently to you. he could never really relate to what was said, because what you and cheol had was something different. it was never just young love, it was something more.

“cheollie, what if—” you groaned “what if i just drop out.” you said, closing your laptop in frustration. seungcheol laughed, making you glare at him. “you dare laugh? at my frustration?”

“i’m sorry, babe, but you’re just too cute.” he smiles, pinching your cheeks. “i’m also sorry because you can’t drop out.”

“and why not?” you quirked a brow at him.

“because your dad will have me delivered on a silver platter if he finds out i encouraged his daughter to drop out,” cheol replied making you laugh “and besides, dating a well-known curator is on the list of my life-long dreams.”

you rolled your eyes at the cheesy comment, fighting off a smile. “a list?” you asked, to which cheol nodded. “what else is on that list?”

cheol bit the insides of his cheeks, suddenly feeling flustered.

“wow,” you laughed “choi seungcheol, are you embarrassed?”

“yah! i told you i hate it when you call me that,” seungcheol pouts, crossing his arms.

“you’re being a baby.”

“that’s fine because i am your baby,” he grins, making you snort laughing. one of seungcheol’s dreams was to make you laugh till the rest of your lives. that was enough for cheol.

“ynnie,” chan hands you the third round of shots. “i heard you’re holding another— uh…” chan looked around, trying to remember the word.

“exhibition, chan.” jeonghan finished with a laugh. “you need to slow down, we’re only three rounds in.”

“hehe,” chan giggles “sorry.”

“it’s okay, chan,” you laughed before taking the shot. “but yeah, it’s going to be my first time exhibiting my own work.”

“that’s so cool, ynnie,” seokmin smiles adoringly at you. “we’re so proud of you.”

“thanks, you guys,” you replied shyly. “i— uh, it really means a lot.”

“of course,” jun nudged you playfully “we’re always here to cheer you on, you know.”

a collective mutter of agreements filled the coffee shop during its after-hours— a long string of support followed one after the other. from the group of muttered agreements, one voice seemed to stand out from others. one voice that meant so much to you. one that you longed to hear for so long.

seungcheol. he was looking at you with those adoring eyes, the ones that filled you so much comfort whenever you looked at them. there was a small smile forming in his lips— god, those lips. words cannot describe how much you miss those lips. it hurt that even after 3 years of your break up, you still long for him. but at least he was happy, right?

a couple of days before the planned hangout, the boys were gathered at heaven’s cloud coffee roasters— the coffee shop that seungcheol and jeonghan proudly own.

“so are we all meeting here then?” joshua asked, taking a sip of his iced americano.

“fine by me,” jeonghan shrugged “i just need to put a notice that we’re closing early that day.”

seungcheol hummed in agreement, the voices slowly drowning out. he was busy looking at your instagram art page. again.

whenever there was a fighting itch that he missed you, he would find his way to your instagram account. you still followed each other on your personal accounts, but you weren’t really active there. you had an art account where you post nearly every day. it wasn’t just drawings and paintings that were on that account, you also posted your letters there too. for seungcheol, that account was more personal as it encapsulated everything that was needed to know about you.

upon quietly scrolling through your account, he found a letter that you posted a couple of days ago, one that hit close to home.

“the last time i fell in love— i was twenty. i was probably too young to be thinking about love, but still, it was a force that shaped my entire perception of love.

at twenty-seven, i still have yet to feel it again. and if the multiverse is real, i hope a version of me finds someone who would still move mountains for her— to be loved as much as she loves.

because i learned the hard way that some people are meant to find love, yet they aren’t meant to keep it.”

joshua caught a glimpse of what seungcheol was looking at when he sat next to him. he was one of the few people who knew where cheol’s feelings lied with you. joshua’s one of the few people who also knew about your feelings with cheol, especially involving that art account that you practically dedicated to seungcheol.

joshua was not a betting person, but if he were, he knew that seungcheol had no idea that that art account of yours only existed because of seungcheol.

“are you looking at her account again?” joshua asked cheol quietly while the other guys were talking about what to eat and drink on the upcoming hangout.

“psh, what?” cheol instantly exited the page, putting a false face of appall “of course not.”

joshua rolled his eyes, knowing damn well that his friend was lying straight through his face. “whatever, cheol.”

knowing there’s no point in lying, especially towards joshua, seungcheol lets out a deep sigh. “i miss her, that’s all.”

joshua hummed, choosing to stay quiet. joshua knew about your true feelings for cheol when he, minghao, and seungkwan were in your apartment that one rainy night. you had invited them for dinner and to catch up because you haven’t talked in so long. drinks were involved so one thing led to the other, next thing joshua knew, you were still moping about your break-up with cheol.

“god, i miss yn,” soonyoung groaned out of the blue. soonie’s comment was enough attention for the boys to look at him, some of them with widened eyes.

“what?” soonie asks, almost innocently. “it’s been awhile since we were all hanging out together, i’ve always loved having her around.”

“soonyoung,” jeonghan warns him quietly, practically holding himself back from gesturing to seungcheol.

“cheol, hyung, you’ve moved on right?” soonyoung asks carelessly, making vernon— who was sitting quietly in the corner— practically choke on his drink. “you wouldn’t mind if invite ynnie right?”

jeonghan and joshua both looked at seungcheol the same time, with pairs of eyes full of curiosity, watching what cheol’s about to say.

cheol cleared his throat, “yeah, it’s fine,”

soonyoung grins— a little too mischievous as seungkwan would note. “perfect, i’ll text her now,” soonie says as he tapped furiously on his phone.

it’s not like you and seungcheol have been avoiding each other, that’s not it at all! you two would always see each other at a friend’s birthday or an event where you two have common circles— you two would always smile at each other, say a quick hi, but that’s the extent of it. and even then, you two were always surrounded by other people too.

“yn,” seungcheol practically seethes your name. “look at me.”

you hate it when you two fight, it only morphs you two into monsters.

“seungcheol,” you had to take a deep sigh before saying anything further as you’re trying to calm yourself down. “i’m tired. can we not do this right now?”

“no, yn, because you always do this.” seungcheol was getting frustrated too. he was always patient around you, but he is human after all. life is sometimes, though often, frustrating. “you always avoid the problem, even if it begs to be confronted.”

this got you heated because seungcheol was right, and it annoyed you that he was right. you don’t like confrontations. in fact, you hated them. for the entirety of your relationship, you could only count the number of times you initiated the apology.

“then what do you want me to do, cheol?” you asked, almost in a whisper. you closed your laptop, knowing well enough that you weren’t going to finish the report you needed for your internship.

“talk to me, yn.” cheol practically begged. “what’s going on?”

“i— i’m tired, cheol.” tears formed on the brims of your eyes.

“okay, we can take a break from studying,” cheol nodded, closing his laptop as well. you two had been practically living in the library for the past couple of weeks, trying to finish the your last semester head-strong.

“no, cheol, i meant—“ you couldn’t even bear to finish the sentence and even then, cheol knew what you were trying to say. “there’s never a day that we don’t fight and it’s—“

“frustrating?” seungcheol finishes for you, a small disbelief present in his tone.

“yeah,” you answered throwing your head back, trying not to cry but it doesn’t work. your tears kept betraying you.

he wanted to be mad because how on earth are you able to just throw a 4 year-long relationship with ease? but seungcheol cannot be mad— not at your frustration, not at you. because for this relationship to work, you two need to be invested in it.

it has been suffocating for you, it has been frustrating for cheol.

“okay,” cheol clears his throat, wiping his tears furiously. “let’s take a break then.”

“okay.” you whispered.

you two stayed in the library for another hour, bid each other a quiet goodbye and left on your separate ways— never to speak to each other again.

as the night gets longer, more drinks have been consumed. it was starting to get rowdy too— soonyoung and seokmin being the cause of it all. they kept squeezing out drinking games that was enough to keep everyone feeling buzzed.

you, on the other hand, started to feel like the room was getting stuffy. so you excused yourself for a minute and sat at one of the patio chairs, nursing the alcoholic drink that you were given earlier.

you could hear the laughter emitting inside the café and you couldn’t help but at smile at how some things never really change.

you heard a faint sound of bells from the door, signalling that someone was coming.

“oh, i’m sorry, i didn’t—“ you whipped your head around and saw that cheol was standing there, a drink in his hand too. “i was just hoping to get some fresh air and—“

“cheol, it’s fine,” you reassured him, adding a small smile. “i know how drinking throughout that can be too much for you.” you nodded at your friends inside.

cheol lets out a small laugh, “yeah.” he leaned against the wall, enough to give you two some space from each other. a tiny part of cheol couldn’t help but feel happy that you still know that tidbit about him.

there was a blanket of silence that enveloped the two of you. it wasn’t awkward per se— but this was the first time you two were left alone in a while.

“so how are yo—“ “are you doing ok—“ you both said at the same time, making you laugh.

a soft smile appears on cheol’s face. it’s been a while since cheol saw you laugh— well anything that involved him, really.

“heaven’s cloud, huh?” you started off, admiring the exteriors of the café. “i’m glad you’ve finally reached your dreams, cheol.”

“i did promise you that i’ll run a coffee shop one day,” cheol said with a proud look on his face. heaven’s cloud is seungcheol’s pride and joy. all throughout his university years, he would find himself cooped inside the cafés near the university. it never occurred to him that taking care of people, by providing a warm cup of coffee and a place of comfort, was something he’d be doing.

cheol likes to think that it was you that led him here. he would always accompany you at coffee shops to study, would always buy you coffee and sweets. he did it so much that he would start doing the same thing to the guys. he would often buy them coffee unprompted, would feed them sweets.

they found it odd at first, because seungcheol was not the type to do all of that unless he was asked, but they’ve quickly learned to accept it because they saw how much it meant to cheol.

you were joking when you suggested that cheol should open up a café when he brought at least a dozen iced americanos to you and the rest of the guys one day. cheol remembered how he smirked at you and said, “wanna bet?”

so really, you led cheol here. cheol knew that you would never believe him if he said that, but it’s true. you hold so much influence in his life that it kills him that you’re not actively in his life anymore.

“i’m proud of you, cheol.” you said softly, tucking a stray hair behind your ear— suddenly not knowing what to do. “i hope you never forget that.”

"i know," cheol replied in a whisper. "i'm proud of you too, you know. always.”

"thanks, cheol."

“why do i have to give it to her?” cheol grumbled while he was fixing his hair, checking for any hair that’s out of place.

“you say that and yet you’re acting like this is the first time yn is going to see you,” jeonghan teased with a smirk as he watched seungcheol check his hair every 5 seconds at the reflection of his car window.

joshua and seungkwan laughed quietly at jeonghan’s comment, causing seungcheol to glare at them— which only makes them laugh even more.

seungcheol chose to ignore jeonghan’s sly comment. “where are they anyway?” he asked, checking his phone for the time. 10:07 am. The exhibition has started, cheol thought.

kwannie, cheol, shua, and hannie were waiting outside the gallery for the rest of the guys to arrive. hao was already inside helping you with your exhibit— as cheol assumed— along with vernon, who was kind enough to offer his help.

“jun texted that they had to pick up the cake and that they’ll just meet us inside,” seungkwan said out loud. “apparently, mingyu overslept.”

“that sounds about right,” jihoon commented as he, wonwoo, and soonyoung walked towards where cheol and the rest of the guys were waiting.

“here,” soonyoung handed cheol the bouquet of pink carnations that cheol specifically asked. “since you were so adamant about the kind of flowers and the colour.”

“oh, we’ve already decided that cheol’s going to hand yn the flowers.” shua smirked.

“i’m surprised you actually went,” wonu pointed out, knowing there is still some odd tension between you and cheol.

“uh yeah, she texted me about it.” cheol cleared his throat “she actually invited me here.”

the way cheol said it so casually, the way the words just escaped his mouth like silk— it was enough for the guys to stop in their tracks and look at cheol like he grew two heads.

“no fucking way,” jihoon comments out of astonishment, breaking the ice.

“oh my god, you guys actually came?” you were greeted with a bunch of warm smiles from the boys, each of them giving you a hug. “i thought you guys were busy?”

“are you kidding? we would never miss this for the world,” seungkwan commented as he gave you a tight hug. “besides, that was just soonie hyung’s elaborate plan of surprise.”

“well, consider me surprised.” you laughed as soonie gave you a tight squeeze. “feel free to roam around, there’s refreshments by the right corner.”

you have just hugged every one of them until you reached cheol— who was a sight for sore eyes. after being broken up for about 3 years now, it still baffles you that his presence alone makes your heart flutter.

you don’t even know why you invited him personally— you haven’t talked that much since the hangout at his café. actually, that’s a lie. you knew damn well why you invited him. a part of him lives within you— may it be in your artworks or your writing.

seungcheol was hesitant— he didn’t know whether he should hug you or not. he literally stopped in the middle of his tracks, his arms almost at mid-air. it was painstakingly obvious too— vernon, who was busy ushering people and caught wind of the situation, couldn’t hide his grimace.

you heard seungkwan’s panicked voice, forcing the others to go with him and leave you two alone. they were dying from curiosity, but even the strong-willed jeonghan could not stomach the awkwardness in the air.

as soon as the guys left, cheol had the courage to finally to say something. anything. “yn,” he cleared his throat “these are for you.” cheol said, handing you the bouquet of pink carnations shyly.

“oh, these are gorgeous,” you sighed happily “thank you, cheol.”

“of course, anything for you,” cheol said a little too eagerly. he cleared his throat, trying to mask his excitement. “it’s from all of us, really.”

“oh?” cheol raised his eyebrow at your confused tone. his eyes followed yours and saw that you were reading the card that came with the flowers— which flustered you immediately upon reading the note.

for the entire time that cheol was holding that bouquet of flowers, not once did he notice the card that was practically sticking out like a sore thumb.

“uh— can i read it?” cheol asked, immediately walking closer to you. you were about to pull the card so he can read it on his own but he was already mere inches away from you, peering over your shoulder.

this was the first time in 3 years that you two were this close to each other. his perfume immediately filling your nostrils, taking you back from how your relationship used to be. your heart was practically pounding. it also didn’t help the fact that he was still wearing the same perfume that you got him during your 2nd anniversary.

“yn,

life had so much colour when i looked into your eyes. it’s a strange thing, but that’s just how it is when you love someone.

yours forever, c.”

the typewritten note was staring back at cheol as if it crawled from the box of things he kept in his office and in to the bouquet. seungcheol wasn’t going to deny that he wrote that note to you— because he did. it’s just, the note wasn’t meant to be included in the bouquet.

he wrote that note a year ago— still in the process of trying to move on from your break up, even though it’s been two years. he was so close to mailing you that note along with a birthday gift last year. he only stopped himself because one, that would be weird and two, he would look desperate. cheol knows he is, but he wouldn’t admit that.

the guys like to believe that he never really got over you, which was obvious, because look at what happened. this also begs the question as to who saw the note in his office and who was the culprit to blame.

“cheol—“

“yn, i think we need to talk.”

you two started strolling around the gallery, not knowing where to go or how to start.

you stopped in the farthest corner of the gallery, near the fire exit. far from everyone, you both assumed. “cheol, the note—“

“i didn’t write it,” cheol immediately answers. his comment disappointed you as a part of you still longed for the idea that he still loved you.

cheol saw how your face faltered upon hearing his comment which panicked him. “i mean i did write it but not recently— i wrote it over a year ago. i was hung up on you, i still am i think, i just i don’t even know—“

“cheol, breathe,” you said grabbing his hands, rubbing small circles with your thumb. “it’s okay.”

you led him to one of the benches in the gallery, just so he can collect himself and so that you can calm yourself down as well.

a couple of minutes after cheol had eventually calmed down and has had a few minutes to take a breather, you asked “is everything okay? i’ve never seen you ramble like this.”

“yn,” cheol sighed, embarrassed at his erratic behaviour “i’m sorry.”

“for what?”

“well for rambling, first off,” cheol lets out an embarrassed laugh “but i’m sorry for everything.”

you were confused. “cheol, i don’t think you have anything to apologize for. you didn’t do anything.”

“exactly, i didn’t do anything,” cheol was frustrated. “i should’ve fought for you, for us. i should’ve done something, anything—“

“cheol, i’m so confused.” you were about to cry from frustration “what are you trying to say?”

“yn,” cheol takes a huge breath “why did you invite me here?”

“what do you mean?”

“here, in one of the most important days of your life, in your career.” cheol almost pleads for an answer “why am i here, ynnie?”

“because…”

“because?”

“because you’re important, cheol. you will always be a part of my life. a piece of you lives within my artwork, my writing.” tears were starting to fall from your eyes “you’re in everything that i do, cheol.” you let out a small laugh, slightly embarrassed. cheol started wiping the tears from your face. “you’re here because i want you to be here.”

“what ever happened to us, yn?” cheol asked, looking at you straight in the eyes.

“it wasn’t our time, cheol— i remember us fighting a lot.” you sighed “i loved you, i still do, but we were hurting each other a lot.”

cheol hummed, because he remembered the same thing. he wished it was different, but even he knew that you two would’ve ruined each other.

“do you think it’s our time now?” cheol asked, looking at the artworks on the wall.

“maybe,” you replied softly, a small smile playing on your lips.

BONUS: that's just how it is | seungcheol

for some reason ? it was really hard to write this ? that's why it took me a month to finish this ? i’m sooo sorry 😭

[duskyvenus]

0101: Got better things to do with my time!

This reading tells you messages from your spirit guides and their guidance for you in the new year.

Four piles left to right. Close your eyes and think about your vision for this year and then open your eyes and choose the pile that attracts you the most.

I am not a professional. This reading is just meant for entertainment. Take what resonates. Happy New Year :))

Pile 1

Guidance: Tarot: 2oS, 10oC, 3oW rev, 4oC, 7oC rev, 6oW rev It seems that this year you will be presented with many choices in life. It can be hard for you to pick from one of these because they all seem good and bad at the same time. Because of this, you might experience decision paralysis and might doubt your abilities. I'm also seeing that you probably want your decision to be rewarding in all aspects of life . Your spirit guides want you to stop daydreaming and start working on what you really want. Also, believe in yourself. Maybe you will take a step in a direction that will bring you lots of prosperity this year :) Intuitive messages (or things you might relate to): find beauty in the simplest things, love-forgive-grow, ocean, coffee mugs, experience, oranges, guidance, friends, older sibling Songs for you: either way by ive, into the new world by girls' generation, survivor by destiny's child

Pile 2

Guidance: Tarot: 6oS rev, 7oW rev, the moon, 6oC rev, 3oW rev, 6oP Your spirit guides want you to re-assess your decisions and way of doing things this year. You need to change yourself for the better. Let go of your past. If there are past regrets or conflicts, resolve them. Try to be more generous and forgiving. Don't be afraid of seeking guidance. You also need to be careful of who you mingle with. There might be imposters in your life who may hold you back from achieving what you want in life. Avoid conflicts and arguments and try being more amicable. This year is about breaking and fixing your relationships; confront your fears and let go :) Intuitive messages (or things you might relate to): "don't be embarrassed to tell me", love exists, attention, cats, leaves, trees, plants, it gets better Songs for you: square(2017) by yerin baek, get up by new jeans, letter to my 13 year old self by laufey

Pile 3

Guidance: Tarot: death, temperance rev, QoC, the emperor, 7oC, KoC, 9oC rev This pile has energy similar to pile 2, but it's more serious in this pile. There is a big change coming in your life. Things will fall apart and get worse before it gets any better. You need to assess your control over things, it might not be balanced. It's time to get serious about what you truly want. Discipline and balancing your thoughts and actions is important. Your loved ones (probably your parents or your partner) are ready to support you. If you're single, you might meet the one this year :) This is the year where you make it or break it. Don't over-indulge in short-term pleasure or material gains. Intuitive messages (or things you might relate to): meditation, release, journal, hobbies, flowers, sketching, kitchen, healthy food, "calm yourself, the storm will pass", "love is stored in the kitchen", "don't be selfish" Songs for you: understand by keshi, zombie by day6, see you again by tyler the creator & kali uchis

Pile 4

Guidance: Tarot: AoP rev, KnoS rev, 8oP, QoS, PoP, 5oC rev Spirit guides want you to start making decisions with your mind rather than your heart. Your intellect and hard work can and will take you to places this year. Collect your thoughts and think before you speak. Don't be in a rush to take decisions. This pile is similar to pile one so you can check that too. There may be disappointments this year but they will make you reflect on yourself. This year can also be significant in your healing journey and you will learn many new things about the human mind and how your mind works. You might also go to therapy or get guidance from an older person. If you're single, you might meet an honest and loyal person. Take your time to figure out things this year :) Intuitive messages (or things you might relate to): hugs, room makeover, lights/lanterns, "a lot can happen in a year", kids, diary, bowls, books, spirituality, glass Songs for you: it kills me by demxntia & keshi, you better know by red velvet, gravity by taeyeon

Thank you for reading! I hope the new year brings you peace and happiness! 🕊️🪷

[seangelfish]

OCEAN WAVES

"If only I could go back, I would hold you so you won't be apart from me. For even a moment, I would give you my everything." (Day6 – I Would)

Kanata Yatonokami x reader

➥ Tags & warnings: Angst (no comfort but open to interpretation), suicide attempt, established relationship, she/her pronouns, reader neglect, misunderstandings, a lot of tears.

➥ Word count: 2,590

➥ Synopsis: Despite how long you've been together, you feel like nothing in your relationship is improving. After putting up with so much of his shit, you finally realise that you're no longer happy with him anymore.

A/N: PLEASE listen to 'I Would' by Day6 whilst reading this. It's the song that inspired me to write this in the first place! It also makes the fic more depressing, hehe~ I have so many Kanata angst drafts, it's not even funny. I love him sooo much, but I also love Kanata angst. He deserves the world though.

Please do tell me what you think of the fic! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)♡ I would love to know everyone's reactions!

The twins looked at you, stunned. Rapid tears rolled down your cheeks as you spilled everything out. Despite how much they were mean to you sometimes, you kept a happy facade and gave them countless chances in hopes of being accepted by them one day - properly accepted because even when they allowed you into their home, into their lives, every so often, they would treat you like someone they didn't want around in the first place.

But what made things worse was that you were dating one of them.

"I don't understand why you still treat me this way!" you screamed. "Why are you still so mean to me? What did I ever do to you?!"

You weren't a sensitive person, but trauma isn't something so kind. You had gone through this before – being bullied. You didn't care if a stranger was mean to you, they're nobodies after all. Harsh words from them would graze your skin, nothing like a bandage wouldn't fix. But harsh words from a loved one? Someone you adored and trusted? It was like being stabbed by a knife disguised as a bouquet of flowers.

And those flowers were withering quickly.

"(Y-Y/N), s-slow down," Nayuta started, eyeing his brother whose whole body was trembling. "I'm so sorry, w-we didn't–"

"What's the point in even being here anymore?" you hissed, interrupting whatever he had to say. You unlocked their door, slamming it shut before running away.

"(Y/N)!"

They had each other, but you only had yourself. You moved to Japan on your own with the dreams of studying and working there. Everything was amazing and new to you, but also extremely lonely and overwhelming. There were times when you were so exhausted that you couldn't focus on studying at all. You'd isolate yourself in your room feeling homesick, starving yourself as you had no appetite to eat. There were even times when you just wanted to give up on your dreams and go home.

Yet that day when you got lost in the slums to university, that day you met Kanata had changed everything.

But maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't have gotten lost that day – you shouldn't have moved to Japan at all.

Carefully, you placed your shoes neatly on the sand. Then slowly, you approached the water.

You fell too hard for him – for Yatonokami Kanata – that it stung and left bruises. You had hoped that by time, he'd show a softer side of himself. When you thought that he would, he would regress to his cold demeanour, leaving you feeling even more confused and unwanted. Then why? Why did he accept your feelings? Why did he confess those same feelings to you that day too?

Your chin hit the water. All you could see ahead of you was a pitch-black sky, empty and soulless with no sign of a single star shining. As you continued moving ahead, your hearing became muffled and you could no longer hear the wind blowing those melancholic melodies.

Nor could you hear your name being cried out. Those anguished cries, the way he didn’t think twice before running in to save you. You couldn’t even hear the splashes of the water. The only thing you could hear was bubbling, the way the water gradually filled the inside of your ears.

But before anything serious could happen, you felt his hands on you, dragging you hastily away from the abyss.

His heart was racing as he panicked to get you back to shore. Once the two of you hit the sand again, you coughed out a few mouthfuls, and he held you so tight that you could feel his hands digging into your skin.

But you didn't care.

Nothing mattered anymore.

You stayed in his arms, letting him hold you as much as he wanted. You didn't care. You let him cry on your shoulder, and scream out his apologies. You just didn't care. There was nothing to care about anymore because caring so much had led to this.

"(Y/N), I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he would constantly repeat as tears streamed down his face. "I'm so sorry..."

Eyes as empty as the midnight sky, you stared at his lilac hair embedded with the turquoise underside that you loved so much.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I don't know why I acted that way towards you..." he cried miserably. "I bet you felt so alone... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that... I should've loved you properly..."

You didn't want to listen, but you had to. His voice was so hoarse from screaming, but he still wanted to give you the apology you truly deserved and wanted. Even if it was too late for apologies, he still wanted to fix things – to fix you in any little way he could.

Kanata had taken in every word you yelled at him and his brother before you ran to the seashore. He never knew you felt this way as you were always so happy-go-lucky, always so upbeat, but the realisation had hit him as memories he had forgotten flashed into his mind.

And for the first time, he saw things from your perspective.

"Kanata, I'm bored..." you whined playfully. "Please can we do something together? Why don't we go to that place–"

"Sorry, but can't you see that I'm busy?!" he quickly snapped. "I can't half-ass this song."

You were startled by this but nodded understandingly.

"O-Oh, right! Yes! S-Sorry."

You smiled, but your heart had sunk to your stomach. But you could easily get over that! He was busy after all. It was your fault for even speaking in times like that. Maybe the two of you could go on a date next time!

You remained seated on the windowsill, hands clasped together as you stared at the floor of their rundown apartment.

Why didn't he just go with you? The two of you rarely went on dates unless it was you initiating them. It would've been nice to take you out on his initiative this time, but alas, that didn't happen, and he regretted it badly.

What happened after that was something he didn't remember, but he really hoped you didn't cry yourself to sleep about it. All he remembered was that you left earlier than usual.

"Hey, (Y/N)! Why don't you join us?" suggested Nayuta when the three of you bumped into each other at the mall. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Kanata~?"

At the time, you had rejected Nayuta's proposal because you didn't want to disturb the twins on their shopping trip together, but Kanata insisted that you come along anyway.

However, it seemed like you were tagging along on your own accord.

"Hey, Kanata. Doesn't this look cool?!" Nayuta uttered as he showed his brother a bomber jacket he had found.

Kanata agreed. "Do you want to buy that one?" he asked. "It looks good on you."

From a distance, you watched them with a smile on your face. The brothers were having so much fun shopping together that you didn't have the heart to insert yourself into any of their conversations. Plus you believed that if you did, they would just brush you off.

You supposed you could look around the store by yourself to find an outfit you liked.

"Ah, (Y/N), there you are," said Kanata. "Check this one out."

"It suits you!" you replied.

"Haha, right?"

You thought he was going to pay attention to you this time, so when you found a dress that caught your eye, you chirped, "Wow, this dress is so pretty! Kanata, don't you think–"

But he was no longer by your side anymore.

You chuckled in embarrassment before putting the dress back on the rack. You didn't need it anyway. Plus, you didn't have that much cash on you; you were only at the mall to run errands.

But you really did want that dress. It was pretty and it was your style! You hoped it would still be there the next time you visited.

Unfortunately, it wasn't.

The worst part of that memory that Kanata came to remember was that he did hear you call out his name, and he did hear you talk about a pretty dress. But he was so preoccupied with all the stuff Nayuta was putting in their basket, he didn't come to you quicker.

When he finally turned around, you had left the dresses section to regroup with him and Nayuta. You were bright and smiley, so he didn't think it mattered to you. He should've trusted his gut feeling though. After all, he found that dress pretty too.

Those were the only two memories he came by, but deep down, he knew there were more instances where he made you sad. If only you had shown it, but at the same time, it would've been better if he caught on to your subtle yet loud reactions.

"(Y/N), I'm so sorry…" he cried. "I should've treated you better… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

You didn't respond, but you did find yourself gripping onto his soggy shirt. Even after all of this, a part of you still wanted to be held by him – the boy you loved. Kanata didn't hug you often because he found it embarrassing, so you were the only one in the relationship who initiated physical touch. But there were times when he did hold you, those times where you wished it happened more.

"(Y/N)! Kanata! Are you two okay?!" you could hear Nayuta yell. "Come on, let's go back! We need to get (Y/N) back home and..."

You chose to ignore those words as you singled in on the ocean waves' rumbles.

The twins carried you back to their home as it would be easier to keep an eye on you if you were to attempt again.

Kanata filled up the bathtub and gently urged you to get inside. You obeyed without hesitation like you always did, but you wouldn't look at him once. Those eyes that used to admire him and sparkle were now so soulless that it broke his heart.

The two of you were silent as he helped you wash up. It was the first time he ever did something like this, but neither of you cared whether he saw you naked. The sadness in your hearts made it unbearable to feel anything else.

When he was finished, he wrapped you in a towel. As he held you close, you could hear his heartbeat, fast and unsteady. You let him hold onto you for a while, but it wasn't as if Kanata had never comforted you before, you just never experienced something so intimate like this with him. It was a shame that you were being treated like this now – on the day you nearly ended your life.

As he helped you put on some spare clothes, he tried looking into your eyes, but even when you were staring right back at his violet ones, he couldn't find the girl you used to be.

"Here, (Y/N)... drink up," said Nayuta, offering you a mug of hot chocolate, something that the twins both knew you liked. "I'm sorry, (Y/N)... I should've been nicer to you too. You did nothing wrong; remember that, okay? I'm really sorry..."

You accepted the drink, but it took you a while to put your lips on the rim. By the time you drank it, it was already cold.

It was 2am now, and Kanata had you wrapped in his arms. He was still crying, but the stream of your tears had already dried up. So you just laid there, unmoving.

The two of you knew that once he and his brother fell asleep, you'd be gone by the morning.

"Kanata," you uttered. It was the first word you said after the attempt. "Let's take a break..."

He dreaded those words, but it was bound to happen after tonight. He didn't answer though. He never wanted to lose you in the first place. He never thought it would ever happen. He had lost his brother once and was lucky to have him back, but he had nearly lost you too. He didn't know how he would react if he was just a second late to saving you.

"I'm sorry... for being an annoyance..." you murmured.

"You don't need to apologise for anything! You never were an annoyance. I was just an asshole!"

"Kanata..."

"..."

You found yourself gripping onto his shirt again, but this time, the fabric was dry and soft.

"I'm sorry for doing that," you continued. "I wasn't right in the head. Don't worry about me though. I won't try that again, but... don't go looking for me either."

He didn't know what to say, but he was confused when you started giggling to yourself.

"Hehe, this feels nice," you said as a tear rolled down your cheek. "We never got to cuddle like this in bed before... I wish we did that more–"

But you couldn't help it. The dam you had closed off suddenly burst open, and you started wailing loudly on his chest. Nayuta watched you two from the couch, his heart clenching too.

It wasn't the first time you got to sleep with him on his worn-out futon, but you were never this close. When the two of you did sleep together, he kept his distance. Even when you wanted him to be closer, he never dared move an inch.

"Hic... didn't you love me?" you said slowly as big, hot tears fell from your eyes.

"(Y/N)... Of course, I loved you..." he replied sadly. "I still do..."

A forced giggle escaped your lips again. "Okay..." you muttered, sniffing.

You wrapped your arms around his body, reciprocating the embrace. It was the last time you were ever going to see him again anyway, so you might as well do this.

When sunrise came, Kanata found the bed empty as he had expected. In your place, a note was left behind. He didn't want to read it because he knew that all he was going to get out of it was even more tears. However, he didn't want to throw it away either. He wanted to keep a piece of you even if it was a goodbye letter.

Kanata, I hope that in another universe, we would still be together.

After all, I don't think I'll ever get over you.

He sighed, trying to keep his tears inside his eyes. He had cried enough, but it didn't seem to be enough.

If only he could go back to that day, to just have one more day with you, he would hold you again.

And for even a moment, he would have given you everything you wanted, no matter the price, he just wanted you back in his arms.

What neither of you remembered was that after the twins' shopping trip that day, Kanata had gone back into the store.

"Did you forget something?" Nayuta questioned.

"Yeah," he replied. "It's nothing though–"

"Haha, let me see."

In the bag, a new purchase was made. Kanata had bought the dress you were eyeing before.

"Why didn't you buy that for her earlier? (Y/N) just left."

It was Kanata's first time being in love, so he was the most inexperienced boy out there, but still, he loved you.

Even though he had wasted his chances.

"I'm not sure... Do you think she'd still be happy if I give this to her?"

Intro page | Paradox Live masterlist | Request rules I do not give permission to copy/reupload my fics/work.

[shimamitsu]

hey… what are some songs u think would fit shimamitsu

hi hi i know you sent me this ask a few days ago but i took this question very seriously and thought too hard about it. today i finally come here with answers!

of course. i know hispanic shimamitsu enjoyers can back me up here. the song's about someone who struggles to understand their feelings and how frustrating it is for them to want to get close to the person they like but not being able to be vulnerable/open up. but something about this person helps them realize that they "are not better off alone" and they wonder if this person has "the gift to cure their pain" (which is the name of the song, don = gift). sounds familiar...?

break up song bc we always need one when it comes to shimamitsu. this one's about two people that decide to break up as a sort of preventive measure. they already know the end of their relationship is near so instead of hurting each other and growing apart over time, they decide to end things early. i love this song bc when you read the lyrics you notice it's worded like a tentative question ("wouldn't you rather...?") and there's a lot of conditionals as well ("if we're going to continue like this", "if that's us") which might mean that these two people aren't completely sure about their decision, and makes you wonder if the end they talk about really is that close. the lyrics remind me a lot of mitsumi specifically, her worries about the future and thoughts like "i can't do this bc i know i'll just keep worrying about it"

man. just read the lyrics. i've mentioned a few times the shimamitsu light/darkness thingy right (how we have multiple scenes where shima and mitsumi are looking at each other and mitsumi's bathed in light while shima's covered in shadows) (plus the "you're so dazzling and so far away" scene we all know and love). well. what could be more shimamitsu than a song where the speaker is the moon and it sings about how much closer it wants to be to the shining sun. nothing else to add

^ which translates to 'hesitate'. this one's very chapter 41 mitsumi imo. the lyrics make me think of the thoughts she was having before confessing, the whole 'i don't want you to know but if i don't let you know things will just stay the same" kinda thing

trying not to tear up while i type this bc this song is sooo them. the basis of mitsumi and shima's relationship has always been their mutual trust and support, even before there were any romantic feelings involved. this song talks about how much it hurts to know someone you love is sad or going through a hard time and being unable to do anything about it. just read these lines: "whenever i see you hurting silently/i want to make you smile again", "even for a little bit, i want to be a help for you/i hope that i could be a resting place for you" , "i'm sorry that there's not much i can do for you/other than staying by your side" like COME ONNN this is THEM

and to wrap things up! hug has a similar vibe to when you love someone and we were talking about svt so ofc i had to add it ^^

[gingerjunhan]

try hard - kwak jiseok

☆彡 I’ve had this idea since I started this account. I’m glad it finally got to see the light. Thank you all for your patience; I hope you enjoy <3

synopsis: you’ve been head-over-heels for Gunil for a while now, but what happens when Jiseok finds an extravagant way to try and tell you how he feels?

based on 5 Seconds of Summer’s song Try Hard

word count: 2,365 | pronouns used: they/them | genre: angst | cws: one sided pining, no happy ending, member-on-member jealousy, swearing, lmk if I missed something!

Jiseok flopped down on his bed and let out a sigh. Practice today felt so much longer than usual. Maybe it was the pressure of their upcoming stage performance, or maybe it was his poor sleep schedule. Either way, Jiseok felt like he was fighting hard to keep his eyes open. All he wanted was to fall asleep right here, right now- half strewn across his bed in the clothes that he wore to the studio. The only thing that kept him awake, however, was his stomach. Hyeongjun was supposed to start making dinner once everybody got home. If Jiseok wasn’t so tired, he would’ve offered to help.

Eventually, the sound of laughter and the scent of whatever Hyeongjun was cooking danced their way into Jiseok’s room, pulling him out of his sleepy haze. There was a voice he didn’t quite recognize- it definitely wasn’t one of his bandmates. Listening through his walls wasn’t solving his mystery, so Jiseok reluctantly rose to his feet and made his way to the kitchen.

“Hey, there he is,” Seungmin announced to the group as Jiseok shuffled through the doorway. “We were just going to come get you for dinner. We thought you fell asleep.”

“Not yet,” Jiseok huffed. “Too hungry.”

“Well the food’s ready. Grab a plate.”

After serving himself, Jiseok made his way to the dinner table and found an extra seat across from his.

“Hey, Jiseok,” you greeted.

“(Y/N), hey. I didn’t know you were joining us for dinner tonight.”

You nodded happily. “Gunil told me he was feeling a little stressed about your upcoming performance, so I thought I’d stop by and try to help him relax.”

Jiseok nodded understandingly. You and Gunil had just recently started dating, and Jiseok wasn’t sure how to take it. He never told Gunil, but he had developed feelings for you a while ago. You and Jiseok had known each other for a long time; he was even the one who introduced you to Gunil. So when you and Gunil started going out, there was nothing Jiseok could do other than be happy for you. He had lost his chance fair and square, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous. “What’s got you so stressed, Gunil?” He decided to ask.

“Well,” Gunil sighed. “Shortly after leaving practice, our manager called to tell us that our stage time was upped by five minutes- which is great! However, our manager thinks it would be smart to have us perform a new cover for publicity. The performance is now less than a week away and we don’t have any ideas, so start throwing some out.”

“5 Seconds of Summer!” Jooyeon suggested instantly. Jungsu rolled his eyes.

“We can’t always cover 5 Seconds of Summer just because you have a man-crush on Luke Hemmings.”

“C’mon!” He insisted. “It’s a song I’ve really been wanting to cover, and I think we would do great!”

“What’s it called?” Gunil asked.

“Try Hard. It’s an older song, but it’s so good. They never perform it, so I think it would be fun to give it a try!”

“Okay,” Gunil shook his head, sounding slightly defeated. “We can keep that one in mind- play it for us after dinner. We can keep thinking of more ideas.”

As dinner progressed, a few more ideas were tossed around for covers. Paramore, DAY6, Muse- but nothing seemed to stick. Once dinner finally ended, Jooyeon got his chance to introduce the group to the song he had in mind. His excitement was evident as everyone listened along.

Jiseok listened intently- trying to ignore the way Jooyeon was serenading the group along with the song. He glanced over at you, and you seemed to be enjoying it almost as much as Jooyeon was. At this point, you had begun to bob your head along with the song, really getting into it. Jiseok didn’t miss the way that Gunil was looking at you; his eyes twinkling a little bit as he watched you jam alongside Jooyeon.

The song has a good guitar track, that was for sure. At the very least, it would be fun to perform. Nothing about the song really struck Jiseok too deeply until the second verse rolled around.

“She’s got a rose tattoo, but she keeps it covered. I play guitar, but she’s into drummers. She’s seen my face around, but she doesn’t even know my name.”

The pain that ran through Jiseok’s chest was almost tangible, striking him like an arrow. His eyes went wide and for a second he swears he started to hold his breath.

“Let’s do it,” he spoke out loud, not thinking about the timing of his comment. Luckily, nobody really seemed to notice. Jooyeon looked over, excited that someone was hearing him out.

“You really want to?” His smile was evident.

“Yeah. It’s a good song and it seems fun to play. Plus, I know you won’t get off our asses if we pick something else.”

Jungsu chuckled, “He has a point.”

Jooyeon’s eyes lit up as he looked at Gunil. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know… haven’t we already played like, three 5 Seconds of Summer songs?”

“Oh, c’mon, Gunil. This song is good!” You coaxed. “What would one more cover hurt? Besides, Villains would love it.”

Gunil let out a sigh, clearly having been won over by your opinion. “Alright, fine. I’ll talk to our manager first thing in the morning. Tomorrow we start working on arrangements.”

Everybody nodded their heads or made some sort of verbal agreement. Jiseok, on the other hand, was lost in thought as he continued to listen. He thought about the way you giggled at everything Gunil said and the way you couldn’t see how Gunil looked at you when you spoke to someone else. It was sickening. Once the song ended, Jiseok calmly slipped away from the others and back into his bedroom, the sound of your laughter fading out as he closed the door behind him.

☆

The next day, the practice room practically buzzed with the amount of work that was going on. Some of the guys were trying to find arrangements for the new cover, Gunil had been breaking into a new set of drumheads, and Jiseok was pretty sure Seungmin was about to break Jooyeon.

“Jooyeon if you don’t stop touching my stuff I’m gonna kick your ass!”

“I’m just grabbing my water!”

“Well then get your shit away from my shit!”

“Gunil!” Jooyeon called out like a child, “Seungmin is threatening me!” The group all looked back to their drummer, who was caught up with something on his phone. After a second, Gunil looked up at him.

“What’s wrong?”

Seungmin laughed. “Looks like somebody is too busy texting to save you,” Seungmin snuck up behind Jooyeon, grabbing his sides, causing Jooyeon to yell. It was now Gunil’s turn to laugh.

“Sorry, (Y/N) asked me a question. But, I’m good. No more distractions.”

Jiseok laughed to himself, knowing that would soon be proven to be a lie.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungsu intervened, “They’re just messing around.”

Gunil sighed lightly. “Guys, come on. We don’t have the time to be goofing off. We’ve gotta be getting everything finalized for this stage or else management is gonna kill us.” The younger boys let out a group of collective sighs, returning to their instruments and getting back to work. Jiseok put the strap of his guitar back over his shoulders, taking a second to peak back at Gunil again, catching him as he picked up his phone again, laughing to himself and sending another text with a slight blush on his cheeks.

Jiseok scoffed quietly to himself, “What happened to no more distractions?” He shook his head with a sigh, turning back to his sheet music. Jungsu looked his way.

“You alright?”

Jiseok’s attention snapped over to Jungsu. “Yeah. I’m fine,” he responded rather unconvincingly.

“Okay,” Jungsu said with a soft smile. “You just… seem a little stressed, so I thought I’d check in.”

“Thanks.” Jiseok gave Jungsu a tight-lipped smile before turning away again.

☆

The day of their performance had finally come around, and the guys were all backstage doing their typical pre-show rituals. Seungmin had a small set of weights in each hand, Hyeongjun was tuning his guitars, and Jiseok watched from a distance as Gunil giggled into his phone over some sort of phone call. Jiseok took a long, shaky breath to try and steady his nerves, but when Gunil got off the phone and came trotting up to him, he had to act fast to find his usual happy facade.

“Jiseok!” Gunil called cheerfully. “(Y/N) called me to say ‘good luck,’ but they wanted me to tell you good luck as well,” he smiled. Jiseok fought his hardest to return the gesture and make it look genuine.

“Thanks,” he said simply.

“They’ll be right in the front,” Gunil continued, “I think they’re on your side of the stage too. Just letting you know so you know to look out for them!” With that, Gunil skipped off to start prepping for the performance.

Jiseok sat and thought about the way this performance was going to go. The cover was right at the end, and Jiseok could feel the seed of jealousy planting itself into his stomach as a plan formed in his head. He smirked to himself at the thought. Would it be petty? Absolutely, but Jiseok couldn’t stand this feeling anymore. He sat and played with his hands, cracking his knuckles and twiddling his thumbs, which finally led to Jungsu chiming in from his seat nearby.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, but I advise that you stop,” Jungsu said simply, his voice steady and stern. Jiseok furrowed his eyebrows, giving him a confused look.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.” Jungsu got up from his seat, making his way over to Jiseok, his voice low. “Ever since the two of them got together, you obviously haven’t been happy about it. Gunil may be blind to your jealousy, but I’m not.” Jiseok looked up at Jungsu with wide eyes. “I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time,” Jungsu continued, “so I advise that you get over yourself before you cause any problems.” Jungsu gave Jiseok one final side eye before a stage manager came to collect the group of men to start setting up for their performance. Jiseok watched Jungsu walk away, knowing deep down that he was right. However, the seed had been planted, the jealousy had already taken root, and Jiseok couldn’t help but seethe as he picked up his guitar, pulled a pick from his pocket, and walked onto stage.

The performance had been going as expected: bright lights, loud fans, and that same energy that Jiseok always feels while performing that he still can’t find the right words to describe. He had located you in the crowd about halfway through their opening number, your bright smile and cute outfit making you stand out against everyone else in his eyes. Upon seeing you, he smiled as well, feeling his jealousy wither away into a feeling of fondness. You waved at him from the crowd, and it took everything in him not to let go of his guitar and wave back.

Finally, their set was about to close, and Jiseok felt the dark vines of his master plan creep back into his chest again. It was simple, but he hoped it would portray the message he needed it to. From his drumkit, Gunil counts the song in, and the band takes off with their cover. Jiseok watches as you dance along in the pit, and he can feel himself fighting an internal battle with his usual stage presence to keep it together. Jooyeon carried the song with a smile, clearly in his element while singing along. As the song progressed, Jiseok’s turn at the mic was coming up, and he knew it was all or nothing. He dropped his guitar completely, putting both hands on the mic and looking at you as the verse he quickly claimed dibs on a practice a few days ago made its way to the speakers.

“She’s got a rose tattoo, but she keeps it covered. I play guitar, but she’s into drummers.” At this, Jiseok watches as you smile wide, aiming your gaze towards the back of the stage, ignoring him almost completely. “She’s seen my face around, but she doesn’t even know my name.” At that, Jiseok picks up his guitar again, performing the rest of the song on autopilot as he realizes that his attempt to grab your attention and tell you how he feels was nothing short of futile. Soon enough, the performance ends, the show is over, and Jiseok floats home- his autopilot keeping him moving.

☆

“That performance was great!!” You squeal as you pull Gunil into a tight embrace, holding him close and kissing his cheek once the seven of you made your way back to the dorm. Of course Gunil had to invite you over, and of course Jiseok had to sit and watch as you hung all over him. This was just what he needed. Jiseok fought to keep his breathing steady when someone yelling his name caught his attention.

“Jiseok!” Seungmin yelled.

“What?!” Jiseok yelled in response, sounding a little more angry than he should have.

“I asked if you wanted a drink. Jesus, I’ve only called your name, like, three times.” Seungmin rolled his eyes. Jiseok waved him off.

“No, I’m fine,” he answered shortly. Seungmin looked over him.

“What’s got you all worked up?”

Jiseok opened his mouth to answer and then quickly snapped his mouth closed again. He could hear you and Gunil laughing together from the other side of the room. He quickly glanced over at Jungsu, who was already giving him a stern look. “Nothing,” he finally answers. “Nothing is wrong.” Jiseok stood from his chair, looking to Jungsu again. “I’m going to bed.”

For a split second, Jungsu’s eyes turned sympathetic. “Good night, Jiseok.”

He nodded slightly, his voice soft. “Good night, Jungsu.”

taglist: @dazzlingligth , @mini-mews , @mxlly143 , @somethingaboutcheese , @odesonnets , @weluvjeong , comment to be added!⁎⁺˳✧༚

[kbandtrash]

Okay lol let’s get some fluffy day6 thoughts going because for the 25th valentine’s day in a row I am single :D quarter of a century strong let’s go

Going in age reverse order because I love park sungjin too much to put him first. Best for last baby

Dowoon turns into Clifford the big red dog when you present him with your valentine’s confession treat of choice. Blushing incoherent mess like there are words coming out of his mouth but he’s so happy they’re unintelligible. He asks “this is really for me?” (there is no one else around) and all you hear after that is his excited giggles and that Busan satoori bobbing up and down, and you’re pretty sure he’s telling you he’s liked you for a long time and he can’t believe this is real life, but then out of nowhere he has your gift in one hand and your hand in the other, barely meeting your eyes, and he’s asking you in the sincerest deepest shiest voice possible if that means this is day one

Wonpil takes a minute to form his response but while he does it he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, hiding his smile behind his hands, finding it hard to even look at you because you just look so dang cute. He finally breaks his silence to tell you exactly that with a grin so wide his cheeks are hurting and he’s afraid his face will freeze like that. He asks if he can hug you and it’s impossible to tell him no and then he holds you so tight you can hardly breathe but he’s just so excited to find out that his crush isn’t one sided that he can’t hold back his affection

Younghyun is floored. He doesn’t even realize he’s coming off as if he doesn’t like you and doesn’t know how to say it—he’s genuinely just surprised because how could he, a master of love songs, not have seen this coming? He meets your eyes, his mouth still hanging open as you awkwardly let your arms drop from offering him your gift, and as he sees you become flustered, he realizes that you think he’s rejecting you. So he stops you by grabbing your hands and asks if you mean it, this isn’t a prank? And the way his smile lights up his entire countenance makes up for his awkward initial reaction

Park Sungjin this silly man. He thinks you’re being friendly. Because he’s just a guy like how could he be the object of your affections? Even when you explain to him that no, you mean it, you like him, you would like to date him, even, he has to sit down for a moment and just say “oh wow!” because he’s not quite used to being Perceived like that. He likes going through life and making connections with people and more than once he’s thought he might like to experience life by your side, and now that the idea of holding your hand could become a reality, well, it’s just a little strange to him. He needs a little more time to think, but it’s not because he’s not sure his answer won’t be yes. He knows it’s yes already, and from the way he looks at you when he tells you this, you know it is too

[xcherryerim]

Kpop groups Josh hutcherson characters would stan:

and other kpop related stuff

Derek Danforth – Stray kids / Nct 127

fav song: Cherry Bomb | Ult bias: Mark | skz bias: Han.

— runs a troll account.

— scams photocard collectors.

— Is one of those fans that have EVERYTHING in their collection.

— most likely to run a fansite.

Mike Schmidt — Oneus / Twice

Fav song: Youth / Up No More | Ult Bias: Leedo | Twice bias: Mina.

— Likes their calm songs since it helps him down, specially at night when he struggles to sleep.

— Wants to get built like Leedo.

— Cried when he read the feel special lyrics.

Billy parks — EXO

Fav song: Lotto | Bias: Sehun | Bias wrecker: Kai.

— Blasts Exo songs loudly at night.

— Steals photocards from the kpop area of Target.

— Only listens to boy groups but has GOT on his playlist somehow.

Peeta Mellark — Red velvet

Fav song: Hear the sea | Bias: Irene | Bias Wrecker: Seulgi

— He thought their name was funny (because it’s a type of cake, get it?) then got invested.

— Fanboyed so hard when the seulrene unit happened.

— Is more of a fan of their red side or a mix between their velvet and red.

Josh Futturman - Multi Stan

Fav song: Black mamba | Ult bias: Yeji

— Listens to a lot of groups, mainly from JYP or RBW.

— Stans nugu groups heavily.

— Huge collection.

— Would film himself opening albums and reacting to mvs.

— Got scammed by derek :(

Sean Anderson — The Rose

Fav song: Back to me | Bias: Jaehyeong | Bias wrecker: Hajoon.

— Only listens to K-bands like The rose, Onewe, Day6, N.flying, etc.

— Would post edits of his faves under random tweets.

— Stumbled with the Loona verse theories and went crazy for 2 days straight trying to understand it.

[slonekaru]

15 Day BL Challange - Day 15

This is it, the end! HERE is the full list of the challenge

Thank you @negrowhat

Here are my answers: Day1, Day2, Day3, Day4, Day5, Day6, Day7, Day8, Day9, Day10, Day11, Day12, Day13, Day14

HERE are everyone else answers

Day 15 - 5 Bestest Besties

This was so hard!! I had so many :)

Rain & Sky (Love in the Air)

They are there for each other, they are ride and dies. Getting into trouble for each other. And Sky platonically Dom's Rain in public. You know just everyday best-friend type things!

Yai & Tharn (The Sign)

They've been together since childhood. Yai knows all about Tharns secret abilities. He's also the Captain of the PhayaTharn ship!

Hao Ting, Bo Xiang, Xie De, Xia En & Gao Chun (History 3:MODC)

Between Hao Ting marching up to Zhi Gang and giving a sales pitch for dating Bo Xiang, Bo Xiang dealing with Hao Tings big bisexual awakening and having to listen to him gush over Xi Gu like a 12 year old with her first crush, plus after finding out both Hao Ting and Bo Xiang like men Xie De, Xie En & Gao Chun sneaking gay manga or whatever and looking at it so they can understand their friends is just adorable and gives them a place on the list. Nevermind they were all there for Hao Ting after the event that shall not be mentioned because it never happened!!

Mhok & Phojai (Last Twilight)

You have to appreciate ex's that can remain friends. Although Phojai and Mhok broke up she never abandoned him when he was in prison and supported him after his sisters' death. She encouraged him with Day and getting jobs. And he was there when she cut out her loser boyfriend, was left pregnant, and left homeless. They were family already but they thought hey let's solidify this and marry/date brothers! No one doing it like them.

Toh, Jao, Daisy & Som (Secret Crush on You)

These four! What a friend group. They supported each other in everything. Including some of the crazy delusions! They were there for each other through sexual explorations, identity crises, bullying, confidence issues, and general life. They probably wouldn't have done half the things they did without supporting each other.

[agustd-png]

Day6 Smut Headcanons

As promised, here's some smut headcanons for these boys! 💙🍀💚 I posted a Younghyun A-Z once, but that was 5 years ago (!) so my opinions are probably a bit different now. 18+ under the cut, yall~

Sungjin

It takes him awhile to really understand that you find him hot, to understand that yes, you are very attracted to him. He doesn't see himself in that way, so it's flattering and surprising for him, even if you tell him on many different occasions. Because of that, you often have to be the one to initiate sex, at least for a few months into a relationship. But when he is in bed, he's a good partner; very attentive, and passionate when he gets going. No dom/sub dynamic with him, just mutual pleasure. Everything's very balanced: you go down on him, he's gonna go down on you. He doesn't really think about which of those he likes better, it's all nice in his mind. When you give him head, he guides you carefully with both hands, watching you intently and holding your hair gently. When he gives you head, he focuses and closes his eyes, making out with your pussy until you're squirming. Loves to shove his tongue as deep into you as he can get it. He loves to be on top and in control, so something classic like missionary is definitely a go-to, but he also loves having you on your stomach and taking you from behind. His sounds are minimal, as he tries to maintain that Busan tenacity, but when he does let go, his moans are deep, clear, and melodic with a slight husk. When he cums, he pushes deep into you, bites hard on his lip and slips out a curse. And oh does he love to cum inside you, to fill you up and revel in his possessive tendencies. But if not inside you, he likes it when you jerk him off onto your tongue. Would call you something like "angel" or "kitten". He probably wouldn't say it outright, but he loves to spoil you.

Younghyun

A very intimate partner; his hands are all over your body whenever he gets the chance. He'll come up behind you when you're cooking or doing dishes and wrap his arms around you, kissing your neck or just standing there with you in his arms and his chin on your shoulder. In bed, he'll pull off your garments piece by piece and let his hands and lips traverse your body before anything else. He loves intimate positions where your bodies are closely intertwined, and loves to hold your gaze while you have sex. Having you straddling him while he sits on a couch or comfy chair is a fave for him, and he'd be up for cock warming too. Calls you "baby" all the time, and likes to be called a nice little domestic pet name like "honey". He's very talkative during sex, not just with dirty talk, but having like full conversations. He has such a penchant for truly enjoying and appreciating experiences while he's having them, so it's quite common for him to smile warmly at you when you're together. He loves oral sex, both giving and receiving. When he's giving, he spreads your legs wide and uses his fingers a lot, watching your reactions to everything. When you're going down on him, he furrows his brow and bites his lips till they're red and swollen, trying so hard not to let his instincts take over and fuck your face. But if you let him...yeah he'll take the opportunity. Deep throating is such a big turn on for him, and he just loves to cum in your mouth and see you swallow. He can be a bit shy with his moans, relying more on his words, but with a little encouragement will let you hear them more. And thank God for that, because he sounds lovely; relaxed and husky and sprinkled with dirty words under his breath. "Oh my God, you're so good for me, baby...taking it so good...yeah, you want it, don't you, baby? Tell me how much you want me..." If you suggest something a little kinkier or toys, he'd hesitantly be open to trying it.

Wonpil

Anyone who's read some of my Wonpil stuff knows that in my mind, he's the quintessential Baby Boy 😌💕 He needs a soft dom to take care of him. Very obedient and loves to please, he'd let you tie him up, gag him, blindfold him, leash him, tease him, edge him, whatever. He loves it when you take charge, and his favorite positions are when you're on top, though he also likes to spoon. He also would totally let you peg him. When he goes down on you, he prefers for you to sit on his face. Run your fingers through his hair and tell him how good he is letting you use his mouth, and he's melting into a whimpering puddle beneath you. When you go down on him, he squirms and whimpers for more, but bites his tongue to keep himself from begging too much. He watches you with shaky breath as you take all of him in your mouth. Cums wherever you tell him to, often ending up doing so in your hand. He tries his best to hold it until you tell him he can cum, but he has a hard time with that. Breathy, clipped, whiny moans leave him when you touch him, only getting louder and whinier the closer he gets. "Please, I'm so close, c-can I cum, please?" He's very curious about toys and open to experimenting with them, on himself and on you. Loves to be called "baby boy", "honey", "sweetie", things like that. He'll call you "baby" in public and whatever you want him to behind closed doors. He gets off to the idea of cuckolding, but would probably never actually let another person fuck you.

Dowoon

He gets kinda cocky when he knows you want him, and so uses the opportunity to tease you and make you ask for it. He likes to hear you say you want him, and sometimes playfully won't even let you kiss him until you say as much. Despite that, he's clingy, but not annoyingly so. It's really very endearing. Innocent date nights turn hotter faster with him, and you may never watch an entire movie together, as you always end up dry humping or fucking before the credits roll. He loves your ass and is always finding some excuse to have his hand on it. In public he'll just call you by your name, but in bed he likes to call you "princess" or "good girl" and to think of himself as more dom than he actually is. Deep grunts rumble in his chest, along with exasperated exhales, when you fuck. "Going crazy, can't believe how good you feel..." He's actually not that into receiving head, but he loves a good handjob. He'll go down on you, but thinks of it more as foreplay and doesn't stay down there long. Which is a shame, because he's quite good at it. He just can't wait to be inside you and often gets ahead of himself, and so most of your sex life is intercourse. But once he starts fucking you, he's so determined to do his very best. He's focused and passionate, and loves to try all kinds of positions. If he had to choose a favorite, it would probably be reverse cowgirl. Again, because he loves your ass, and because it's endlessly hot to him to watch you riding him. He's also a bit voyeuristic, loving to watch you get yourself off. Public sex is intriguing to him, but he's hesitant to actually try it. He loves to cum on your chest, and often ends up just pulling out and hurriedly cumming wherever's closest, like your ass or lower stomach. Doesn't often cum inside you though, he likes to see your skin covered in it.

[shuahoonie]

to x, with love | a svt x reader mini series

➼ music can elicit inspiration just as much as words. this mini-series contains a list of imagines that are inspired by a series of love songs.

this is my love letter to you. ♡

note: this can be read as a stand-alone! you don't necessarily have to read each one but i will be extremely grateful if you do! ☺

updates: ideally, every friday at 7 pm CST ☺ [aka whenever i can]

shuahoonie's masterlist

seungcheol

♫ 그렇더라고요 (when you love someone) by DAY6 ↪ some seek love and have the pleasure of keeping it, some never find it, and some aren't meant to find it. you and cheol are determined to discover whether love still exists beyond your old love letters. ↪ bonus: that's just how it is

jeonghan

♫ to you by seventeen ↪ to avoid another blind date, you ask jeonghan to be your pretend boyfriend to get your mom off your back. the kicker? jeonghan secretly enjoys being your pretend boyfriend. ↪ bonus: you are that person

joshua

♫ daydreamin' by ariana grande

jun

♫ oh my! by seventeen

soonyoung

♫ time machine by cuco

wonwoo

♫ unspoken words by mxmtoon ↪ you and wonwoo always had a complicated relationship— no matter how hard you two tried, your lives had a funny way of getting intertwined. and stubborn may you both be, wonwoo will always admit his feat when it comes to you.

jihoon

♫ message in a bottle by taylor swift ↪ a message in a bottle is quite literally how jihoon found out you liked him— and you have to kill thank jeonghan for that.

minghao

♫ 은방울 lily of the valley by DANIEL ↪ hao thought the idea of a meet-cute was corny, impossible even. however, when he recalls the first time he met you, he knew he had to swallow a few choice of words and his pride.

mingyu

♫ warm on a cold night by HONNE ↪ there was no denying that mingyu looked like he was carved out from the gods, that's why he keeps getting asked out. yet every poor person's attempt of asking him out is often met with rejection. the reason? you two are *supposedly* dating (on the dl), he would say. the truth? you two aren’t.

seokmin

♫ all of the girls you loved before by taylor swift

seungkwan

♫ late night talking by harry styles ↪ something shifted in the universe when you and seungkwan started talking on the phone every day. this is big for someone who has their phone on do not disturb for almost the entire day. oh and going on a trip with your bff, practically acting like a couple is normal right? right??? ↪ bonus: can't get you off my mind

vernon

♫ oh shit... are we in love? by valley

chan

♫ 18 - one direction

[kingadi97]

I could only imagine Han Sooyoung would be behind this plan of course. Karaoke of all things she was able to rent a room and convince others it would be fun which they all agreed. Except for Yoo Joonhyuk but he was dragged along anyways.

It started off well enough there were drinks, no kids, and enough snacks for them to dig in. Han Sooyoung started a duet with Yoo Sangah. As expected with her many talents Ysa was a beautiful singer meanwhile Hsy was an okay singer occasionally having a voice crack here and there not like it mattered no one took this seriously.

In fact Yjh found the entire thing ridiculous, slumped in the corner with his signature glare. Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon sung a ballad together as Kim Dokja would glance up at them still listening but engrossed in his novels and web comics. Lhs in this ballade confessed but Jhw thought that he was just extremely serious about singing and told him, he could've been an idol which earned a defeated sigh and hard laugh from Hsy. Kdj gave him a pat of condolences.

With more drinks in everyone's systems and less food it was a blast. Wracking up charges on Kdj's card. Everyone but Kdj and Yjh had sang. Eventually with enough pestering and drinks down his throat Kdj finally got up and chose a popular song called Gee by Girls Generation. Which was a surprise to everyone because they always wondered what songs he would listen to in the office. Starting off with the popular line "Uh huh listen boy! My first love story!" It was an awe to everyone that Kdj could've potentially been an idol. He was extremely good at the choreography besides a few stumbles and singing besides a few slurred words.

After he finished he plopped back on to his chair in relief that it was over and everyone was still in shock that he was able to do a fairy ending making him look even prettier. Everyone's mouths were agape as Hsy rushed over questioning Kdj's entire existence. Meanwhile Yjh looks more irritated than ever sneaking unreadable glances at kdj.

With even more drinks and everyone went a few rounds of singing there was only one person who just sulked in the corner that being: Yjh with a grimace on his face. Kdj being more than drunk and along with everyone's encouragement was able to move Yjh to the center "stage". Totally not by literally dragging him off the booth practically being impossible to push like a rock.

Everyone cheered as Yjh begrudgingly stood at the center. They didn't expect Yjh to sing in fact they didn't expect him to sing seriously or even- well at all. He sang an unexpected song. A rock ballad from DAY6 called I need somebody. After it was over tears swelled up from the corners of Kdj eyes and a few others. There were a few cheers and talks about how they were all deeply moved. Which received an unexpected confused look from Yjh where he called Kdj an idiot for crying only for Kdj to immediately take back his applause and make a comment on Yjh's singing. This only made Yjh glare at Kdj.

By the end of it all they all walked out mostly drunk and Hsy and Kdj had to be carried off due to them being lightweights.

Songs I believe everyone would canonically sing:

YSA & HSY

YSA

HSY

JHW & LHS

JHW

LHS

KDJ

YJH

[confusedspaceotter]

Daily avatrice analysis (Day 1)

day1 day2 day3 day4 day5 day6 day7 day8 day9

aka me getting all nerdy about avatrice

Today I’ll talk about Season 1 ep 1 & 2

Bet you thought I’m going to start with the canteen scene in ep 3

but i think that why avatrice works so well as a slow burn ship is because, well we got to see them even before they met each other 

So, Ep 1

this is where their story began

At first, Ava was just a mission to her

her mission is to retrieve the halo

here in ep 1 is where she first heard about the “formally dead civilian” aka her future wife

here in ep 2 

she continued with the same mindset 

treating her as the object rather than an actual person 

This line might seem simple

Beatrice assessing the situation so that she could prepare for whatever happens (being the calm and collected one in a group she often does that as shown in the gif below)

But it speaks volume about how she views Ava

Weak and useless

Totally understandable btw (not just because I simp hard for Bea 

But because compared to highly trained tactical nuns

Ava is nothing but a helpless civilian 

Now why are we paying attention to this?

Well because this is gonna come back in s2

Showing how much Bea has change throughout the seasons and how far Beatrice and Ava had come

So stay tuned for that :)

day 2

[ahundredtimesover]

A Still Day or A Hurricane (11) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: single mom lawyer!OC x pastry chef!Jungkook; angst, fluff, smut; age gap

Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; single parenthood, motherhood; mention of a sexual harassment case; explicit sexual content (making out, straddling, ass slapping, oral (m & f receivin), protected sex, OC hates kinky pet names, love bites (18+)

Chapter Word count: 16.2k

Status: Completed

Series summary: Driven by your perfectionist attitude and need to have everything in order, you planned that by age 30, you’d have made junior partner, bought your own apartment, and have children. You achieved them, of course, and while the last bit required you to take matters into your own hands - no thanks to your ex-boyfriend who dumped you but to your best friend who directed you to a fertility clinic - you’re now a 31-year old who pretty much has her life under control. You’re ready to raise your child on your own, that is, until the 20-something pastry chef flirts his way into your heart, messing up the perfect little life you worked so hard to have for yourself.

A/N: 2 to go! I hope it’s been a fun ride for you who joined me on this journey!

Listen to: When You Love Someone (Day6), By My Side (Junny), Love Like That (LambC) || Playlist 🎶

Series Masterlist

##

“Well, well, well. I never thought I’d see the day when Atty. Kim ___ would be openly and shamelessly flirting with one of my own,” Hobi smirks as he sits across from you in your favorite corner at Blue Side, laughing as he watches you bite your lips and hold back a smile while Jungkook tries to show off his coffee-making skills, smirking as he goes.

“And you, little angel,” the cafe owner continues, tickling Heejin who’s in a high chair. “What do you think of your Mama being all giddy about it?”

“Oh, she’s getting used to it. Getting used to him, actually,” you reply, cocking your head towards Jungkook who’s now boxing some eclairs for a to-go order but who cheekily smiles at you when he catches your eyes again. 

“And how does that make you feel?” Hobi asks, sipping the iced americano he can’t go a morning without. “Also, can I just say? I love how you’re not denying anything. About time.”

“Okay, well there was nothing to deny before,” you correct, but feeling good that you’re able to properly talk about this with Hobi. “You know how things were for me, and Jungkook just didn’t fit into it. He was okay with being my friend but I knew he wanted more and I couldn’t give him that.”

“And what about now?”

“I think I can. This little angel and I finally can,” you smile, mirroring your friend’s sweet and infectious one.

“Who would’ve thought that my impulsive Singapore trip that one year would lead me to meeting Jungkook in the hotel where he interned and I got to snatch him up… only for him to, well, be my best asset and also be the reason why my favorite customer is as happy as she is right now,” he chirps. 

“You’re glowing, ___. And Jimin says the same. I’m so glad it’s working out with you and Jungkook. I won’t say I’m not surprised because the kid is relentless, but he cares about you and Heejin so much. It makes me emotional just thinking about it.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, you know how he is. Jungkook is a ball of joy and innocence - for the most part, at least - and he’s just always taken life so lightly, so carelessly, searching for that next high, content with what he finds and what he loses. But ever since you and Heejin came around, things started to matter more for him,” Hobi narrates, like a proud older brother. 

“He likes to joke around all the time but with you taking him seriously, trusting him, believing in him… that did a lot to him. Like he could be someone that another person can truly depend on, that they can trust, that they can one day love.”

You take in your friend’s words, thinking that as someone who’d taken a chance on Jungkook and who’d watched him grow professionally at this cafe, through the ups and downs of the job and what he had to go through because of you, this means a lot for him, too. Hobi and Jimin have always been cautious talking to you about Jungkook, not wanting to take sides nor push something to you knowing how you are. But with things looking up for you and the cheeky pastry chef, it seems that there’s more openness on their end this time. 

And Hobi is right. Jungkook likes to enjoy things. He likes to have fun and treat life like a wave that he rides through, like he can just get back to the surface if he falls into the water and he’d be laughing as he gets up because it was a pretty amazing wave. And you like that about him; you like that confidence in himself that he’ll be okay whatever happens, that what matters is he even gets to experience something remotely beautiful, and somehow, you get to watch him do that. 

He elicits a certain joy that’s child-like in a way but heartwarming, too. And he has that sense of wonder all the time. Whether he’s talking about some cave he explored during a trip somewhere, or narrating his multiple failed attempts before making the perfect napoleon, or going to a nearby beach to watch the sunrise, he looks at the world like it’s the first time he’s seeing it. And he makes you want to look at the world that way, too.

You can’t help but think that at some point, you took that away from him. Or at least, for the briefest moment when he was trying to get over you, the joy died down a bit. After the argument you had the other week about his neighbors and your own insecurity overwhelming you, you had time to think about all the things he said. 

He talks about losing you like it’s his biggest fear, and for all the times that you’d been the one left behind, to have someone be scared of not having you in their life is different. It’s quite transformative, too. 

“You know that I hurt Jungkook a lot, though,” you break out of your thoughts. “I can’t ever take those back.”

“I know. It’s easy to tell when his heart is breaking, too. Everyone kinda figures it out,” Hobi laughs. “We’ve had to talk a lot about that, what he was feeling and all, what he should and shouldn’t do. But all those times when it was hard, he did something harder - he kept still. He waited for you. This is a guy who rarely stops to think about what he’s doing and why and where he’ll go, but when it came to you, it was all he did.”

“Bet it was a new experience for you, huh?” You chuckle.

“Yeah, it was pretty heartbreaking. But I felt proud, too, in a way. It became clear to him what he wanted, what made him happy. And that was you and Heejin, and trust me, ___, he’s really happy. He’d talk about your weekend trips as if he’d never been to Nami or Seoul Forest before,” Hobi playfully shakes his head. 

“Oh, god. That is so embarrassing. We’ve become that couple,” you cover your face in shame, to your friend’s amusement. 

“Hey, it’s adorable!”

“What’s adorable?” Jungkook says, settling next to you as he places the breakfast croissant in front of you. “Me?”

“You being whipped for me and Heejin, according to Hobi,” you reply.

“Well, Dea tells me to shut up most of the time but at least the boss here thinks it’s cute,” Jungkook shrugs, bending to face Heejin and giving her a spoonful of strawberries. 

“Hmm,” Heejin hums with her eyes closed as if she didn’t have those last night.

“What do you say to Kookoo, bubba?”

“Thank you, Kookoo!” She smiles, giggling when Jungkook kisses her cheek multiple times. 

“You’re welcome, sunshine. Eat up, okay?”

Jungkook turns to you. “And you, too. You have a long day at work, so have this, then I’ll get you something for in-between meetings today.”

“What about my breakfast dessert?” You smile innocently.

“As an employee of this cafe who abides by the rules, I’m afraid I cannot give you free food, sorry,” he says teasingly. “You can suck up to my boss for that one.” 

“Ugh, pine after me again. I miss the days when you’d give me free dessert.” 

“You liar, you hated it!” He laughs, bending again to feed Heejin after she tugs his hand. 

“Maybe just a little,” you admit. “But fine. I’ll just wait for the next time you get inspired and need me to taste test. Now go focus on work. Hobi and I are gossiping about you.”

“Be nice,” he mouths before heading back to the kitchen. 

“I can’t decide if you two are like a married couple or teenage lovers,” Hobi chuckles. 

“We’re both, I guess. Depends on how I’m feeling,” you shrug. 

“It’s nice to see, though, you I mean.”

“It’s nice to experience it, too. After everything that’s happened, he lets me feel like I don’t need to apologize for who I am or what I’m not,” you share. “I don’t feel like I’m too much or not enough. Do you know how refreshing that is, to be exactly like myself and have someone who doesn’t feel threatened, who doesn’t ask for too much, who just… wants to be with me?”

“It is quite special, isn’t it?” Hobi smiles. “You and Heejin deserve all this, keep that in mind always.”

You nod in response, appreciating the friendship you’ve created with the radiant cafe owner that’s brought you here. 

You both proceed to talk about the past weekend you spent at an amusement park because Taehyung and Sun-hee just suddenly felt like it. Jungkook was the excited one, joining your siblings in all the rollercoasters but enjoying the most when he went on the carousel and teacup ride with you and Heejin. He had her on his shoulders as you walked around while she pulled his hair in excitement, and Hobi coos at all the photos and videos you show him.

You’re finishing feeding Heejin when Jungkook approaches you again with a plate of eclair. 

“This was this morning’s sample,” Jungkook says, side-winking at you but Hobi sees it anyway, earning both of you a high-pitched laugh. 

“Thank you, Jungkook,” you chuckle. 

You stop when you see your mother enter the cafe. She makes it to your table and greets each one, kissing Heejin on the cheek and then hugging Jungkook.

“Hi, Auntie. Are we going for pastry or French Toast this morning?” He asks.

“Oh, the French Toast, Jungkook!” Your mom chirps. “Still thinking about that one. Thank you, dear.”

“No worries. I’ll make it for you.”

Your mom settles on the seat next to Heejin. “So, this little one and I will cozy it up at home before we head out to lunch and some shopping. Do I drop her off at your place at night or you’ll pick her up?”

“I can pick her up at your place,” you respond. “I have a hearing in the afternoon and that might take a while.”

“Got it, honey. She and I will bond and have fun, so don’t worry about it, okay?”

You nod and then ready yourself to leave, kissing your mom and Heejin goodbye before walking to the counter with Hobi for your to-go order. Jungkook exits the kitchen with your mom’s order, scurrying to serve it to her then going back to you.

Dea hands you your coffee then Jungkook hands you a small box with some bite-size hazelnut-filled pastry. 

“Thanks for dropping by my office this morning, ___,” he says, putting on his customer service smile. 

“Well, I come for the desserts. And the coffee. They’re amazing,” you say. 

“That all?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“And the staff. Dea over there is a chick,” you say, earning you a wink from her, as you’ve both come to enjoy teasing Jungkook.

He stands there looking absolutely charming with a pout and though you’d give in easily, you’re still gonna keep him sweating. You wave a barely amused Jungkook goodbye and head out. 

[From: ___ 😍😍😍] Always love seeing you in the morning, Jungkook. I’ll call you when we get home, ok? Have fun at work! 😚

**

Jungkook secures Heejin in the car seat of his sedan, leaning by the open door as he watches her play with her deer stuffed toy, her new favorite after that trip to Nami Island you all had the other week.

She squeals as she raises her arms, and he knows she’s a little antsy. She expended so much of her energy running around at daycare, he was told, and she’s still got some left.

“We’ll get home and play all afternoon if you want, alright sunshine? But I made something for Mama over here so let’s ask her first if we can visit.”

It’s been months since the practice of Jungkook having at least one day a week of looking after Heejin. With the babysitter only able to come twice a week, usually anyone from your family or best friends offers but when the schedule is tight, daycare is your last resort. 

Heejin gets moody and demands attention most days, you said, so you prefer to have her there as little or as short a time as possible, and Jungkook always offers his afternoons. He was met with curious eyes the first time you endorsed him as one from a long list of guardians who can pick Heejin up but by now, all the workers know him already, mostly as the guy who spins the little girl around when she runs to him.

It’s a Thursday and Jungkook took the opening shift so he could pick up Heejin in the early afternoon. You’ll be meeting with witnesses in one of the cases you’re handling today, you’d said, and that might take a while. He knows it’s scheduled in two hours, and with how your stress level shot up yesterday after some challenges in the case, he wanted to get you something to hopefully cheer you up.

You’ve been craving cherry desserts recently so he made you some cherry and dark chocolate mini tarts this morning, which he decided to be the featured dessert at the cafe today. It was a hit and was wiped out by lunchtime so he knows you’re going to like it. Initially wanting to surprise you, he decided otherwise, since you might feel uncomfortable with him carrying Heejin and showing up at your office uninvited.

He’d texted to ask if he could call and he’s surprised to see you calling him instead.

“Hey, that was quick. You okay?” He asks, as he settles in the driver seat.

“Yeah,” you huff in what sounds like exhaustion. “Just having lunch while Park and I go over some things. Have you picked Heejin up?”

“Just now,” he responds. “And you’re just having lunch? It’s almost 3PM. Did you have at least something since you dropped by the cafe this morning?”

“Three more cups of coffee, actually. But I’m fine. It’s hard to think about food with all the stuff going on. So are you both okay? Did you need anything?”

“We’re fine. Just thought you’d have a bit of a mid-afternoon break so Jinnie and I can pass by,” he says, suddenly thinking it might not be a good idea. You’re busy, after all, and him passing by might not even help. 

“I made you something to nibble on but maybe we can just wait for you at home?”

“Oh, please pass by,” you almost plead, their presence the only breath of air you’ll have for the day. “I have some time before we leave and I’d love for you to come.”

“Okay, we’ll be there in a few,” Jungkook smiles, somehow excited at the thought that he gets to visit you at your office for something good, unlike the last time, then hangs up after you give him instructions. 

“So, he decided to tell you, after all,” Jimin chuckles from in front of you. “He was gonna surprise you with Heejin and asked me if it was okay but he got worried you might not be too happy about it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You ask. 

“Maybe because you aren’t officially a couple and he might be imposing if he comes here with your daughter?”

“Is that what he thinks I’d think?” You wonder.

“Uh, yeah? It’s kinda weird. I almost think you’re rubbing off on him with how he’s thinking too much,” Jimin shrugs. “But you guys are… a couple, right?”

“I guess. But we haven’t really talked about it. Do we need a label for these things?” You furrow your brows.

“It’s not a label, ___. It’s just describing how you two are. I’d call you a family but I don’t know if you’re ready for that. I mean, are you?”

“Well,” you start, trying to make sense of all the thoughts in your head. “That’s kind of a loaded question, don’t you think?”

“It is, and an important one, too. Where else do you think this whole thing would lead? You didn’t go through what you did in three years just for you to be unsure of your endgame,” Jimin states. 

“It’s more like, I’m not sure if he’s ready for that,” you mumble. “Watching over Heejin and playing house is one thing. Actually being a father to her and my partner in this life is another. I mean, of course I’ve thought about it but he hasn’t really raised it. I’ve been taking things so incredibly slow but now I don’t know if he’s just matching my pace or if he hasn’t thought about our future, like not just what happens in the next 5 years but the next 10, and 20, and more.”

“You know, I’ve known Jungkook for a good few years. And if there’s anything new I’ve learned about him just in the last three since meeting you, it’s that he would do anything for you to be happy,” Jimin says. “Whether your happiness is with him or not is entirely up to you, but I swear it, ___, he’d give you and Heejin the world if you let him, and that means sharing his life with both of you for the next 5 years, 10, 20, and more.”

It’s easy to imagine that kind of life with Jungkook. The way life works is kind of amusing, you think, as over two years ago, you couldn’t picture him as part of yours then, but now, you can’t picture it without him in it. 

Much as you want to hold onto that thought longer, your phone ringing ruins it, especially once you learn what’s got one of your associates panicking. 

Outside of your room, Jungkook stands by the door with Heejin in his arms, who’s babbling as she hammers her bunny stuffed toy on his eyebrow piercing, something that she likes to do. It’s better than her trying to pull it off like those few times, so he just takes it.

“Hey, Heejin,” a familiar voice says.

Jungkook turns around. “Who’s that, sunshine?”

“Min!” She squeals, catching the attention of all the other employees in that side of the office.

“Hey, kiddo. Nice to see you here again,” Yoongi says, then faces Jungkook. “And you, too. Are you still going to surprise her?”

“Nah, I gave in and told her,” he chuckles. “Didn’t know what she’d think if the local cafe worker just dropped by her office with some desserts and her child.”

“More like, if the guy she’s super into just dropped by with sweets that will definitely make her happy and her daughter whom she trusts to spend the rest of the day with you?” Yoongi corrects. 

Jungkook shyly smiles, not missing the way his heart swells at your friend’s words.

“She’s been having a tough day. I’m sure seeing you and Heejin will make it better, even if just for a while.”

Jungkook nods, and before he can say anything else, he hears Jin call his name.

“Oh, good, you’re both here,” he pats Jungkook’s arm and greets Heejin. “She has a meeting with the witnesses later and she needs to be at her best. She’s been jittery and it’s unlike her. I know how you and this little one calm her down.”

Jungkook decides to bask in the thought of your colleagues knowing how he affects you later on, but right now, what matters is getting to you. He knocks on the door and it’s his friend who meets him.

“Hey, Kook,” Jimin smiles. “And hey little angel,” he caresses Heejin’s cheeks. “___ is just in a call but you can go inside.”

Entering the room, Jungkook takes in the simplicity and organization of it. You’re seated on your chair, phone on your ear while massaging your temples, clearly in a state of mild distress as you nibble your lips and take multiple long breaths. 

He looks around and smiles at the sight of the top of your shelf, with picture frames of you and Heejin, your family, your best friends. All your accolades and certificates are lined up on the second row, representative of what matters to you - even with how hard you work, your loved ones will always come first, but that doesn’t take away your commitment and passion for your job.

Jungkook stands by your table, carrying Heejin in a forward-facing manner now, just waiting for you to finish. He watches you state your case - some approach in speaking with the witnesses and instructing whoever’s on the other line on what to do, and it’s moments like this when he gets to admire you. It’s not you questioning a witness like those times he watched your trials on TV, but it’s the behind-the-scenes work that you’re doing, all the while ensuring that the people are safe.

“Make sure they’re okay, you hear me? We need them for this case but we need them safe and alive more than anything,” you say before hanging up. 

You look up at him with tired eyes and a soft smile, as if the world is slowly crashing around you but there’s Jungkook and Heejin who are the only stable things remaining. You get off your seat and walk towards them, wrapping your one arm around him and the other on your daughter, sighing in relief at their presence and warmth. 

“Hey, you,’ he whispers near your ear, the gruff tone sending another type of heat in your body. “You’ve got this, okay? And we’ve got you.”

You nod in response, briefly kissing his cheek then burying yourself in his embrace once more. You stand there with them for a few minutes, giving yourself this time to take the only breather you’ll have for the day. 

You release yourself from their hold; any more time and you wouldn’t want to let them go. 

“You said you got me something?” 

“Cherry tarts,” Jungkook says, as he hands you Heejin whom you hug tightly and who yells your name. 

“Oh, god. I’ve been craving cherry things,” you state, marveling at the pretty desserts in front of you. 

“I know, that’s why they’re the feature at the cafe today. They ran out quickly.”

“And I get to have these?” You pout. “Jungkook, I know Hobi’s my friend, too, but this is still a business. You can’t keep giving me these things that you sell at the cafe all the time.”

“It was the first batch, and Hobi doesn’t really mind. He knows how many of our items are inspired by you and it’s little payment for how much my mind gets going because of it,” Jungkook winks. 

“Fine,” you hum, taking a piece and feeling like crying at how good it is. “Seriously, you both and sweets are all I need. This is so good.” 

He chuckles as he hands you tissue and your glass of water. He cups your cheek as you look back at him, just letting his presence ground you like all the times it has. He kisses your forehead and your eyes close reflexively, as if you’re melting at the feel of him doing something so simple yet intimate like this. 

“Thank you,” you mumble, feeling like you’ve lost your voice at how overwhelmed and grateful you are. “I needed this. Thank you for coming. And, uh, you can come whenever you want to.”

“Okay, good,” he whispers as he kisses your forehead again, this time lingering. “But we don’t want to keep you since you’ve got some badass, queen things to do. So do well today, okay? We’ll be home, waiting.”

You don’t expect those last four words to affect you the way they do, and they’re truly the most comforting thing you’d heard from him. It just sounds certain, so final, and it’s exactly what you need to get through the day.

“I’ll see you at home,” you smile, kissing his cheek this time. “I’ll see you both at home tonight.”

**

The rain is hitting hard against your windshield, and the only consolation is that it poured right when you and your team finished having dinner at a restaurant a few streets down the nearest parking space. It had been a long evening, indeed, primarily because after the big blow to your case, you all had to debrief and then restrategize while the earlier conversations are still fresh in your minds. You called Jungkook then, saying you’ll be late and he said he’d already given Heejin a bath, something he’d recently learned how to do on his own. 

Hitting a stop sign, your phone rings with Jin on the other end.

“You holding up okay?” He asks worriedly, something he tends to do when he knows you’ve got a case that hits close to home. 

“Somewhat. The team’s more level-headed about it than I am.”

“You trained good lawyers, then,” he responds in an effort to encourage you. 

“Yeah, I guess,” you mumble. 

“Let them do the groundwork and give yourself some time. You’re gonna figure it out. Also, I know it’s already been a tough day but don’t forget the conference that my father asked us to attend tomorrow morning,” he says, earning him a groan at the reminder. “Just take the afternoon off and get proper rest this weekend. That’s an order. I shouldn’t be receiving emails or messages from you once you leave the hotel tomorrow.”

“Got it, boss,” you tease, knowing he hates being called as such, then hang up.

You drag yourself to your apartment, your legs shaking from how much you’ve been pacing and walking all day, but knowing that on the other side of the door are the people you need to see and be with the most is what keeps you going.

The living space is dim, with but the accent lights turned on. Jungkook said he’d read Heejin a story and get her to sleep hours ago, and you wonder where he opted to stay. You push the half-open door of Heejin’s bedroom and your heart melts at the sight before you. 

Seated on the single sofa next to the toddler bed is Jungkook, his feet up on the ottoman, with Heejin sleeping soundly on his chest and her favorite blanket over her back. He’s securing her with his firm hold on her thighs while making sure she’s still got room to breathe, and you can’t help but smile at her squished cheek against him, her mouth slightly parted as always, her breathing soft and steady.

Jungkook’s head is lolled back, his mouth slightly parted, too, with his breathing a little harder, and you can’t imagine how tired he’s been. He was up early for the first shift and spent all afternoon watching over Heejin, playing with her, feeding her, giving her a bath, and putting her to sleep. 

He looks peaceful, though, so at-home and natural, like he’s been doing this for years; like he can keep doing this for more. 

You kneel next to him, marveling at his beauty with the light from the lamp illuminating his features. He’s incredibly handsome, something you don’t think you’ve ever told him. There’s a softness in his face that contrasts the toughness of the rest of him, and with him, holding your daughter like this, there’s tenderness that captivates you. 

Heejin is comfortable and that says a lot with how well he’d taken care of her today. And you know she wasn’t anxious being away from you. You know she had fun and felt safe, and that’s all that matters. 

“Hey, you,” you whisper, not wanting to rush Jungkook in waking up. “I’m home now.”

It takes a while and you caress his cheek as you wait for him, enjoying the smoothness of his face and the way you want to smooch every inch of it if possible. 

His eyes flutter open and a satisfied sigh leaves his lips once it’s registered that it’s you.

“Hey,” he hums. “What time is it?”

“11PM,” you say. “I’m a few hours late. It rained so hard, too; it was tough to drive for a while.”

“You okay, though? You ate well?”

“I did.”

“Okay, good,” he replies, shifting to sit up straight without disturbing Heejin then motioning for you to sit on the armrest. “This little one couldn’t sleep without you. I had to massage her, rock her, read to her, sing to her… all the works.”

“It’s because I was out the whole day,” you giggle, softly caressing her cheeks. “But I’m sure she enjoyed being with you today. Thank you for taking care of her.”

“Of course, ___. I loved today with her. She’s doing so well at recognizing more animals. And she’s saying the alphabet with fewer pauses now. And she was singing the tomato nursery rhyme.”

“Less yelling and actual singing?”

“Less yelling and actual singing,” he chuckles, knowing of Heejin’s tendency to yell everything she wants to say. “I took videos. I’ll send everything to you later.”

You smile and nod, taking his free hand in yours in thanks for how good he is to her, and all the while making sure that you’re not missing out on anything at all. 

“We should lay her down. I’m sure you’re tired, too,” you say, standing up and taking Heejin to cradle in your arms.

You lovingly kiss her then gently put her in her bed, letting the mobile play because she likes to have the music on. 

“Goodnight, Jinnie,” Jungkook whispers after you do, smiling softly as he watches her turn to hug the deer stuffed toy next to her.

You take his hand and guide him to the living room, motioning for him to sit on the couch where you snuggle next to him, humming in satisfaction as you wrap your arm around his torso and his wraps around your shoulder. 

He’s gotten used to this, holding you at whatever time of the day while you fall into him, sighing in relief or exhaustion. He likes the gradual escalation, too, as your grips have come to signify something more than warmth. Security, he thinks, and perhaps desire as well.

But it’s comfort for you, first and foremost. You didn’t realize what coming home to this would do for your mind and your heart.

“Two of our witnesses in the sexual harassment case backed out today,” you say after a prolonged silence, which was spent finding the right spot for your head on his chest and taking in his Heejin-tinged scent.

“They’re crucial to the case but they got scared and I can’t blame them,” you continue. “It’s hard out there. Hard for them, whether they speak up or not. They lose either way and I can’t do anything about it.”

Jungkook processes your words. He’ll never fully understand what it’s like as a woman, but still, it only takes human decency to know that what those women went through is terrible, something no one should be experiencing in the first place. 

“It's the culture you’re fighting against, ___,” he says. “But you’re fighting it. Whether they speak up or not, they know you’re fighting for them. That’s a change in itself, regardless if it’s in the system or their lives, it’s still something.”

“Wise words, Mr. Jeon,” you smile. “Just what I needed to hear.”

“They’re your words, Atty. Kim,” he smiles back. 

You look at him questioningly.

“I listen to you talk, you know?” He chuckles. “Everything you need to keep going is right there in that brilliant mind of yours, and in your heart. You just need someone to remind you every once in a while, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess,” you huff, curling your legs on top of his lap.

Enveloped in silence, he places his hand on your leg, caressing it and eliciting a soft moan from you.

“I like this,” you hum, lifting your face to softly kiss his cheek.

“What, a leg massage?”

“Yes, that,” you chuckle. “But also, this. Having you hold me this way, listening to me, telling me things I need to hear. I know I’m a lot to handle most days but this, this is nice. To just have you next to me is so grounding, you know? Like it’s all that I need.”

“It is, huh?” He turns to look at you, his star-filled eyes that you always drown in meeting yours. 

You nod in response and he strokes your cheek before kissing your forehead, then your nose. You feel all the words he doesn’t say in the lips that tingle your skin, and you know where else you want those on. 

Yours.

So you move forward, capturing his lips in a kiss that feels too much and too little at the same time. You hold him there, familiarizing yourself with the sensation, with the emotion, with the tingle of his warm breath against your skin. 

He parts his mouth and then it’s his taste you’re quickly getting addicted to, his tongue you’re entangling yours with in a sensual battle, his silver hoop that’s cold and comforting, his moan that’s bewitching. He inhales you like you’re oxygen, and you hold onto him like you’ll run out of it.

He responds by tightening his grip on your back, his other hand that was glued to your leg, now inching up to trace patterns on your knee, then your outer thigh, keeping it there to hold you both steady, as he feels the burning desire for you slowly take over.

It’s slow and amorous, with a tinge of desperation as you both try to get closer than you are, but it’s still tender and euphoric. He’s like a drug you can get high on, and any amount won’t seem to ever be enough. 

He does the hard task of pulling away, breathing against you as his forehead meets yours, his eyes closed as he tries to wrap his mind around how good you taste, and smell, and feel like. 

“You like that, too?” He smiles.

“Yes, very much,” you whisper back, placing your hands that have found purchase on his neck on his cheeks this time. “It’s been a while.”

“No shit,” he says, eliciting a laugh from you. “Sorry, I had to.”

“I guess I deserve that,” you smile. “But god does it feel so much better this time around.”

“Wasn’t good enough the last time?” He teases. 

“I wasn’t ready the last time,” you correct. 

It was good, definitely. You think about that kiss a lot.

“My bad. I’m sorry,” he says.

“Not in that way. You know what I mean.”

He nods, smiling as he looks at you constantly eyeing his lips. 

He’d want more if this continues, so much more. Much as he’d been dreaming of this, he was caught off-guard, and he’s unsure if you’re ready for what more would mean for him. Though he’s the more generous - and dare he say, desperate - one when it comes to physical affection, he wants everything with you. He wants it to be perfect, with no holding back, no doubts or questions, no fears or apprehensions. Just you and him and all the emotions kept in that can’t wait to finally be completely felt, returned.

“You had a long day,” he mumbles, kissing you deeply again. “And you have another long one tomorrow.”

“I’ve got that conference in the morning with Jin,” you confirm. “But he gave me the afternoon off. I think Heejin would love to spend her Friday with me, don’t you think?”

“Yes, she does. She kept calling for you every time you showed up in the videos,” he chuckles, pulling you closer by your legs and wrapping his arms around you. 

“Hmm. We’re gonna have an afternoon of tickle fights and boyband music. It’s my stress relief.”

“Bet if she could talk back, she’d tell you to choose better music.”

“Don’t be a hater,” you playfully smack his arm. “Plus, she loves it! She jumps up and down when I play the songs, just like how prepubescent me was doing it.”

“She takes after you so much, it’s amazing.”

“Who else would she take anything from?” You chuckle. “There’s just me.”

And me, hopefully. One day, Jungkook thinks, but he keeps the thought to himself for now, not wanting to scare you with the life he’d planned - and hopes to have - with you. 

“Do you feel better?” He asks after a beat of silence.

“I do, thank you,” you face him, letting that sense of calm you get from this intimacy with him overtake you. 

He holds your gaze for a while before he fights off a yawn. 

“You had a long day, Jungkook,” you say, the exhaustion from earlier coming back. “And you have another one tomorrow. And Saturday, right?”

“Dea and I will start with the prep work tomorrow,” he says. 

A celebrity who’s also a regular at the cafe booked them to set up a dessert table for a baby shower on Saturday morning. He’ll be working all Friday for it and he’s anxious and excited at the same time.

“What time does it end?”

“Around 2. But we won’t stay. Only Hobi will,” Jungkook responds. “Dea and I will set up and the boss will do the socializing and promoting.”

“Hmm. Does that mean you’re free in the evening?” 

“By the afternoon, actually. What do you have in mind?”

“A date. Just you and me. There’s this place I want to try,” you tell him, taking his hand in yours. “I feel like this is the longest we got to even talk this whole week and I’m thinking maybe you want to spend Saturday night with me.”

“It’s like I didn’t pine for you for three years, ___,” he laughs. “Of course. Let me know the plans after my event, yeah? I’ll be too excited and I might not be able to focus.”

“Okay,” you smile, knowing you have to let him go now. 

You stand up and lead him towards the door, the thought of saying goodbye after sharing that heartstopping kiss with him makes you feel all kinds of loss. 

“Just let me know when you get home even if I’ll be asleep by then.”

“I will,” he says, turning to face you after he opens your door. He kisses you again, one, two, three times.

You look at him with a mix of amusement and confusion.

“For every year that I yearned for that,” he says simply, certainly. 

You want to go for another round, maybe do more this time. You definitely want that. But it’s been a long day and the only thing you want more than him is a warm bath followed by your soft sheets.

You merely nod in response, not trusting yourself with words this time. “Good night, Jungkook.”

“Good night, ___. I’ll see you soon.”

**

“Alright, bubba. Be honest. How does Mama look?”

Heejin is propped up in the middle of your bed, playing with her toy bus, which she deems as infinitely more interesting than you.

“Bubba, look at me, please?” You pout, as if your almost-three year old can fully comprehend what you’re asking of her.

She throws her toy on the floor and you pick it up, hiding it behind your back and asking her again.

“Does Mama look pretty, bubba? Do you think Kookoo will think so?”

“Mama! Bus please,” she whines, hands reaching out for you. 

“Does Mama look nice? Yes or no?”

“No,” she shakes her head, and this goes in the list of times you wish it wasn’t her favorite word. 

“Okay, thanks for the encouragement, bubba. Let’s just wait until Kookoo gets here and then we’ll see. Thank you, I still love you,” you say, planting a kiss on her forehead and returning her toy.

“Kookoo! I want Kookoo!”

“I know, bub. But he’s mine tonight, okay? I promise, you’ll be with him tomorrow,” you smile.

It’s another second that you let yourself question if you’re being selfish with this - asking your mom to care for Heejin overnight so you can spend the evening and hopefully until the next day with Jungkook. Ever since that kiss you shared two days ago, it’s all you could think about. 

You won’t lie and say that a part of you expected he’d take it further, perhaps a longer makeout session where he’d lay you down and kiss you all over, maybe have his hands explore your body and ask to stay the night. 

But he didn’t, and much as you'd hoped for that - even if you were the one taking your sweet time in the first place - you slept that evening with a tight knot in your belly, and you’ve just been waiting for it to uncoil. 

You barely spoke to him yesterday and he’s been busy all morning. He took a nap once he got home so he could be fully present for you tonight, he’d said, and the thought itself is making you giddy, excited.

There’s no more hiding or tempering what you feel. And you wanna be able to tell him that, show him that. And you hope he’ll still take what you can give.

You look at yourself one last time in the mirror and manage a smile. You don’t even recall the last time you wore this dress but you’ll definitely remember tonight. 

The doorbell ringing startles you and it’s probably because of how anxious you are. 

You and Jungkook have gone on dates but tonight is different - it’s a lot fancier and well, your mom convinced you to let her take Heejin for the night after you spent the whole afternoon talking about Jungkook and she had to remind you that it’s okay to want this for yourself. That includes spending a night with him. Doing so doesn’t make you any less of a mother. Part of parenthood is choosing things for yourself once in a while. You need to teach your daughter how to choose herself, too, your mom reminded you. 

You place Heejin on her mini couch and you walk towards the door, your breath catching in your throat at the sight before you. 

You’ve seen Jungkook in a variety of outfits of all colors - mostly monotone with pops of color every now and then. He’d sported less casual wardrobes the few times you went on dates and they always left you speechless with how sophisticated they looked, and tonight is no exception. 

He has on a black silk polo with a few buttons undone underneath a burgundy velvet jacket and black slacks, which are deliciously tight enough for you to appreciate his toned thighs. His hair is slicked back with a few strands of it dangling at the side like how those Hollywood leading men would do it. It’s a mix of youthful and mature, but sexy nonetheless, especially with his pierced brow and lips; he definitely upped his game tonight.

He revels in the way your mouth opens and closes, your eyes raking all over him, something he’d caught you sneakily do a few times recently, but it’s the first time you’re openly ogling at him and he’s got to admit, it’s the confidence boost he badly needs.

“Find your voice yet?” He teases, cocked brow and all.

“Now I have,” you get back to your senses. “Just not used to you dressing up all grown up and stuff.”

“Then how have I been dressing up the other times?” He chuckles, finally entering your apartment. 

“Well, the oversized everything screamed too casual and like, uh…”

“Boyfriend?” He smirks. “I mean, that’s what I’ve heard you say a few times to Hobi when you’re at the cafe.”

“Eavesdropping on your customers? That’s not nice.”

“Hey, I just happen to hear you two when I serve people since, you know, I work there? But that’s besides the point,” he says, voice dropping a few octaves. “Is that what I am? A… boyfriend?”

“Is that what you want to be?” You say, matching his tone.

He walks closer to you, his arm snaking around your waist as he pulls you closer. 

“Yeah,” says, his gruff voice in a whisper sending chills down your spine. “That would be fucking amazing, actually.”

“Okay,” you say, meeting his eyes. “Do the boyfriend thing and kiss me, then.”

He glances at Heejin who’s engrossed in watching Pororo run about, and he turns back to you, his smug face the last thing you see before your eyes fall closed at the feel of his lips on yours. 

You didn’t realize how much you’d miss it with just a day being without it, and now all you want is to drown in his kiss that’s gentle and desperate at the same time. His motions are smooth, but the rest of his body is tense; you feel the eagerness and the hesitation. So do you.

Your heads barely move and your mouths part only minimally, but you can taste his strawberry chapstick and the mint he’d just had. His tongue lightly brushes past your lower lip, like a tease of what he wants, of what more he can give, and sometimes you wonder why you ran away from this all those years ago. 

But when you think of how easily you almost fell into this, you’re reminded of why you had to turn your back on him then. If at the end of all of that, you get to have this, then maybe it’s all been worth it.

Jungkook pulls away again this time, smiling giddily at your post-kiss face, and then pecking your lips. “I may have ruined your lipstick a bit.”

You wipe the taint of it on his lips and giggle. “And I’m glad you did.”

You motion towards Heejin, who you say has been looking for him, and you watch him as he kneels in front of her for a hug, asking what she’s watching, and then listening to her talk about the show that’s on. 

“You ready to go to Mom’s, bubba?” You ask, joining them. “She’s taking you to a light show tonight. You’ll be good, alright?” 

“Yes, Mama!” she squeals, hugging you back as you nuzzle her nose. 

“So come, Kookoo and I will take you to her.”

Jungkook carries her as you all make it to his car, the drive to your mom’s apartment, a surprisingly short one on a Saturday evening. Your mom’s ecstatic and smug face reveals too much, even more so as she keeps reminding you and Jungkook to “have fun” and “make the most of your time together.”

“We will, but please call when you’re putting her to bed,” you say. 

“I will. Now you lovebirds, leave our apartment now.”

You and Jungkook eventually do, but not without multiple goodbye hugs and kisses on Heejin. She indulges you only briefly because the newly-assembled dollhouse catches her attention and then it’s like you don’t exist anymore.

Jungkook takes your hand as you both walk to the car, something he does while he drives as well, and throughout dinner. 

You chose a fancy Japanese restaurant as per Jin’s suggestion and you’ve always sworn by his recommendations. Their array of interesting dishes got you and Jungkook feeding each other, then listing the other places you both want to try. It’s a few hours of him making you laugh, gushing over Heejin as you both watch the videos from the other night, him randomly taking your hand to kiss, and looking into your eyes while you speak. 

He goes from the charming Jungkook with the shy, boyish smile and nose scrunch to the confident, lip-licking man with a hypnotizing gaze in seconds - he’s been giving you a whiplash all night. 

You, on the other hand, have been letting yourself drown in all that he’s giving and doing to you. No more walls up or any other apprehensions unlike before. This time - as you’ve been the past several months - you feel safe enough to be yourself, desires and flaws included. 

You both head back to the car for a quick drive to your final destination for tonight. It’s right when you enter that you get a photo of a sleeping Heejin on her belly, cheek to the side with her butt propped up. 

“What was she doing?” You laugh right as you call your mom.

“She didn’t want to sleep yet so we were watching TV,” your mother shares. “The channel stopped at a musical and she wanted to keep it there. She was bobbing her head and clapping and found her position, fighting off her yawns until she gave up. It was so adorable, honey.”

“Okay then, guess it’s musicals for us for the next few weeks. But thanks, Mom. I’m sure she enjoyed her time with you guys.”

“Oh, she did. She wouldn’t play with the dollhouse unless Jung-jae was next to her. She’s really comfortable with him already.”

“That’s great to hear. He’s a constant now, too,” you respond. “But she’s good? Sleeping soundly in bed and all?”

“Yes, honey. Looks like she’ll have a good, long sleep. Jung-jae and I will bring her to you first thing in the morning so she won’t throw a tantrum when she wakes up without you,” your mom offers. “Would 8 be fine? Just let me know if you want us to drop by later, though. Don’t want to ruin any morning shenanigans or something.”

It’s her teasing and sultry tone that makes you gasp, and you hear Jung-jae laughing next to her, telling her to leave you and Jungkook be.

“Alright, I will. You lovebirds enjoy tonight, okay? I mean it.”

She giggles this time, and she hangs up before you even say goodbye.

Jungkook doesn’t say much, having only faintly heard the conversation. He stops the car and wraps his arm around you as you both walk two streets down to an alley. 

It’s one of those hidden cocktail bars in the city, with an unassuming facade hiding an elaborate interior. Taehyung suggested this place when you asked your family for bar options, as he’d done gigs here before for jazz nights. The high ceilings and dim lights, the soft music, and the couches made for two make it a nice place for enjoying each other’s company. 

Jungkook sets his one hand on your waist while the other draws circles on your exposed knee that’s brushing against his, only removing it when he takes a sip from his drink.

“Jinnie doing okay at Auntie’s?” He asks. 

“She is,” you smile, sharing what your mom had said about their day, to Jungkook’s delight. “But I miss her already.”

“I do, too,” he sighs. “But I like this,” he adds, meeting your eyes.

“I like you,” you respond, catching him off guard, his eyes instantly widening at your declaration.

“That’s, uh, that’s nice to finally hear,” he beams before hiding his face in your neck as he tries to get himself together.

You laugh at his response, caressing the back of his head and pecking the side of it.

“Yah! What’s with the reaction? It’s not like it isn’t obvious. We’ve been going on dates,” you say, pushing him up to face you. “And I’ve been kissing you.”

“But it’s different to hear you say it, after all this time.”

“I guess I just got caught up in what we finally are that I didn’t bother to verbalize it,” you narrate, something that’s unlike how you normally are because you tend to lay out in words the things you’re experiencing and thinking to be able to make sense of them. “And I realize now that I don’t think I’ve changed much from the last time. Maybe I haven’t been fair to you.”

“What are you talking about?” He looks at you curiously.

“Back then, my siblings used to give me shit for treating you like that puppy I found adorable and would pet and stuff but wouldn’t actually want to keep,” you admit, recalling how they always found a way to remind you of the analogy they came up with. 

“You just always stood by next to me whatever I was doing and years passed and it was kind of like that again, right? You’ve just been waiting for me to be ready all these months and it took so long before I could even say it, before I even considered giving you anything. And I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you much.”

“Hey. You’ve been giving me a lot,” he comforts, lifting your chin to face him. “I knew what I was getting myself into the first time, and even now. And not once did I feel impatient or that it was all for nothing. You’ve given me your time, Heejin’s time, your trust, your heart… and I’ve been happy, ___. Really happy.”

There’s contentment in his eyes when he says the words, but even then, there’s a tinge of hope, and something else that he holds back. And for all the times that he’d been the transparent one, with you having control of your emotions, it seems that the roles have been reversed, as you feel like baring everything to him while he maintains as much composure as he possibly can.

“I am, too, Jungkook,” you say softly, inching closer to him, taking in his sandalwood scent he’s chosen over his usual sporty one.

You’re internally grateful for the bit of privacy you’re being afforded, although looking around, you don’t seem to be the only couple that finds themselves in an intimate moment. 

“You make me feel things I’ve felt before… but in extremes. Like, there’s this longing when you’re away, and this unabashed joy when I’m with you. I’ve sort of conditioned myself not to feel too much so it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes, but in a good way. Like it’s all these amazing things all at once and I don’t know what to do with them, but at the same time, I can’t be without them, without you.”

Jungkook merely gazes at you as a satisfied smile forms on his face.

“Not used to you being speechless,” you chuckle.

“I’m not yet immune to you, you know? You still surprise me.”

“And what if I don’t anymore, would you still want me then?”

“Always,” he says instantly, certainly. 

The lights are dim and the nearest customers have just left, and the desire that’s been gradually growing since he showed up looking like pure sin in your doorway overtakes you. You lean forward and kiss him deeply, your tongue sliding inside his mouth to let him know what you want from him. It’s like time freezing as the tension melts away; like sucking the air out of him, and when you part, he breathes heavily like it’s exactly what you did.

“My apartment, please?” You pant, your forehead leaned against his, eyes closed just like his.

“Okay,” he huffs, stealing a soft kiss before paying the bill and then heading out.

Jungkook has to choose between walking quickly to get to your destination faster or strolling so he could savor this moment with you - walking underneath dim street lights, your satin midnight blue dress flowing up to your shins. 

He chooses the latter, as you seem to want to savor this, too, much as you seemed to yearn him so much just minutes ago. 

It’s his turn to steal a kiss when you both enter the car, and the ride home is filled with tension that you know how to resolve but need to wait more time to actually address. 

You arrive at your apartment without making any public scene, letting the tension follow you there.

“Kind of unusual coming here without Heejin squealing or laughing or yelling at us,” he chuckles, pulling you from the back for a hug, his head nestling at the crook of your neck - another new intimate act that you already want more of.

“I know,” you say, shivering at the kiss he makes near your ear. “But Mom insisted on having her for the night and bribed her with whatever. They’ll come tomorrow morning. And I agreed because, well, I really wanted to be alone with you tonight,” you add, turning around, your hungry eyes raking all over him.

“You did, huh?” His gaze locks on yours, all the desire he feels reflecting in it.

He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about your lips on his since the other night, and he can’t help it when his mind starts to conjure all the other things he wants to do. He has to control his thoughts so he doesn’t expect too much - of what else you want to do physically, and what that would mean for your relationship. 

He realized that when it comes to you, he regards things much more deeply, meaningfully, and so every act and word holds so much - his fears, his desires, and hope with and for you. 

“Yeah, I—” You whimper at his sudden grip on your waist, glancing at his parted mouth, mirroring the way your tongue licks your lips, aching to feel him there. 

You can feel the heat radiate off his body with how close he’s gotten, as you feel the rush of desire overtake your own. Your heart beats rapidly, anticipating what’s to come next, and for the seconds that feel like more, he rests his forehead against yours, your noses grazing while you breathe each other in.

He gives in first, cupping your cheeks as he angles your mouth to fit his. His tongue slips in, exploring you in this way, and you fall right into it with him, gripping the collars of his polo as you meet his fervent action. It’s messy and raw and unsteadying, and you feel like you’re in a haze of some sort as you try to take all that he gives all at once.

His hands move to your waist as he continues to kiss you, parting only very briefly. He nips and licks and sucks your lips, your joint moans gradually getting louder. He slowly pushes you backward until you hit the armrest of the couch, and you lean on it as you feel like you’re losing balance with how much of yourself you’re giving with this kiss.

“Fuck, I can do this all night,” he groans, his mouth descending to peck on your jaw and your neck.

“Just this?” You moan teasingly.

“What else did you have in mind?” He turns to you, his lustful eyes turning curious.

“Everything,” you heave, taking his hand and guiding it to your breast. “I don’t want us to hold back.”

He strokes it only gently, and much as you know that at some point, it would lead to this, you’re slightly worried why he doesn’t seem as into the idea of doing it right now as you expected. You’re about to ask what’s wrong when he speaks.

“I won’t want to turn back after this,” he says pointedly, eyes locked on yours to make sure you know he means every word. “I’m gonna want more. I’m gonna give you and Heejin the whole world, you have to know that, but I’m gonna need you to want this with me.”

You hear the mix of certainty and desperation in his voice but unlike all the times he’d spoken in this way, you know that you want it, too. Whatever it is, you want it.

“Okay,” you pant. “I want more, and I can give you more. 

“Okay,” he gasps, pecking your forehead, then your nose, then your lips where he lingers. “Good. That’s good.”

You both kiss again like you’d done earlier, but with more need this time. It’s heated, even messier, more intentional, and louder, too. 

You push the jacket off his shoulders and he pulls you much closer, his hands sliding down to your ass, which he squeezes intensely. Pulling up your dress, he does it again, lightly slapping the cheeks as he gets into the moment.

You moan into his mouth, bucking your hips against his to let him know how it affected you.

“Fuck, you like that?” He rasps, nipping at your neck now.

“Yes,” you answer, moaning even louder when he does it again, a little harder this time. 

You’re lost in his scent, in his heat, in the way his mouth explores whatever he can at this position, and the dampness in your underwear only says what more you want from him.

Guiding him towards the couch, you lightly nudge him to sit, gazing at him hungrily before settling on his lap, kissing him again like you’re memorizing every inch of his mouth and his lips that you can’t get enough of. 

While his hands knead your ass and simultaneously push you to grind against his aching cock, yours hurriedly unbutton his polo, wanting a taste of what you’d seen that afternoon at the pool. You’d thought of how he looked underneath all the clothes he wears and you finally get to do more than just imagine all of that.

After undoing the last button, you palm his chest, toned and smooth as you’d expected, his pert nipples exciting you as you flick them to his delight. Your lips detach from his, then you briefly gaze at his bare body, and move towards his chest, your open-mouthed kisses all over it intensifying his desire, and he’s the one who’s now unzipping your dress from behind. 

Pushing you to sit back up, Jungkook meets your glazed eyes, and he slowly pulls down the straps off your shoulders, followed by your bra to reveal half of your breasts, your own pert buds teasing him.

He pants as your fingers trace the dips of his abs, and unable to just sit and marvel at you any longer, he attacks your breasts, taking one in his mouth, ravishing it as he fondles the other. 

The pleasure is immediate, as the way he swirls and strokes your erogenous region makes you feel suspended, especially as he does so in a carnal yet passionate way. You grind against him, feeling his stiff length poking your stomach. Your hands grip on his taut back, feeling its tense muscles as he exerts all his effort on making you feel good, which he knows he’s doing so well at, given your expletives and moans that keep getting louder.

“You sound so good,” he groans in your ear, another sensitive part of you, something he’s figured out, as he nibbles and licks its shell, and he instantly feels the hairs of your arm raise at the action.

You hum, pushing him to lean back again so your eyes could rake all over his body, liking the way the dim light illuminates the beads of sweat on his chest, and with him panting like this and seeing the hunger in his eyes while also knowing he’ll get to do more, he’s absolutely stunning. 

“Done admiring?” He asks cheekily.

“Yes,” you reply after a beat of silence, though you doubt you’d ever get enough of see this. “You?”

“Need to see everything first, babe,” he smirks. 

So you stand up, unhooking your bra then fully unzipping the dress that’s pooled on your waist, doing so in a sensual manner as you slowly reveal more of yourself to him, liking the way his eyes widen in shock and lust at the same time.

You’re left with nothing but your silk thong, a shiver running down your spine when he moves towards the edge of the couch, his hands caressing your outer thighs before groping and slapping your ass cheeks once more. 

“Can’t get enough of these,” he moans, not matching the tender way he kisses your torso.

You cradle his head, and he’s suddenly reminded of all the times he used to see you do this. He looks up at you teasingly.

“Hmm, this is what it’s like.”

You remember it, too, and you laugh at the way he nuzzles your belly then smirks at you, like he’s thoroughly enjoying himself. You’d been in a lustful mood just seconds ago, and he brings you back in it as quickly as he took you out, as he starts sucking on the skin that leads to your cunt. 

He glances at you while he nibbles at the hem of your underwear, his fingers teasing your lips and feeling the dampness that’s pooled in there. Slowly, he removes the last piece of clothing you have on, staring at your hooded eyes while he does. 

Now completely bare in front of him, he brings you with him as he sits back on the couch, having you straddle him again, your mouths touching once more, the fervent actions at pace with your thrusting hips. 

“You’re so wet, I can feel you all over me,” he mumbles in your ear, pushing your core down to grind against his clothed crotch.

“Need your mouth to do something about it,” you groan, as the ache in your cunt starts to get unbearable, needing relief. 

He nudges for you to lay on the couch now, guiding you there as he constantly curses every time his lips meet your flesh. Kissing your lips briefly, he trails down to your breasts, giving both of them ample attention before he sets his eyes on your dripping core. 

He teases by thumbing with your clit first while he nips at your thighs, slowly moving towards your heat, before he licks the whole strip of it, his warm wet muscle stimulating every nerve of your body. You let out a restrained cry, and he lifts one of your legs for better access, allowing him to swallow you whole, as he sucks your cunt hungrily while letting the cold of his lip ring add to the pleasure, uncaring that he’s close to running out of breath.

“Fuck, Jungkook. That’s so good,” you moan, your muscles tensing as you try to hold in even just a bit to aid in the pleasure. “Keep going, fuck yes.”

He does as you ask, watching your fucked out face as he slips two fingers in, the sight of your hooded eyes and parted mouth making his dick throb even more. But he wants this, wants this for you. He wants to make you feel all kinds of pleasure as you’ll let him.

He replaces his digits with his tongue, sliding around and over and inside your hole, eliciting more moans from you as you start to buck your hip against his mouth, letting him fuck you like this. 

Your eyes travel to the back of your head as the pleasure intensifies, and for a brief moment, you look at him - completely lost in ravishing your pussy, his own eyes closed and the veins on his forehead appearing, hands tight around your thighs as he pushes you towards the edge. He’s giving it his all, you know this, as you feel his whole body tense as well. 

You’re close, you tell him, and with his hands finding your breasts, flicking the nipples, you unravel completely, and you feel the slick waterfall down your cunt, straight into his mouth. He moans as he takes you in, licking every drop, wiping his face with his hand, and gently kissing upwards to meet your lips once more. 

“How do you taste like?” He breathes into your mouth, bucking against you, his hard length so appetizing even more as you come down from your high.

“Weird,” you chuckle, but desperate as your hand palms his cock. “But now I need this in my mouth.”

“But I want more of you,” he whines, nipping at your neck.

“I haven’t sucked dick in years, Jungkook,” you groan. “This has been poking me all night.”

“But I’m gonna pop right away,” he pouts, hovering over you, the man who’d just ravaged you now grumbling about not wanting to be sucked off.

“Be good and wait to do that when you’re inside me, okay?”

Your voice is stern and turns him on even more, but it also makes him want to follow and be pleasured by that pretty and dangerous mouth of yours. 

“Fuck,” he says, standing up to unbutton his trousers, which you help him do.

Eyes locked on his, you pull his boxers down after, fingers grazing his muscular thighs as they become undressed, your mouth watering at the hardened cock that’s presented before you. Taking it in your hand, you return the kiss he gives then motion for him to sit on the couch this time.

You kneel comfortably on the floor and smirk at him before licking up the strip of his shaft then the slit, liking the saltiness of his precum and the way his thighs tense at the feel of you. 

Your mouth slowly takes him, sliding down at a pace that’s got his mind going completely hazy because even if he’d imagined this, it’s nothing close to having the real thing. You know what you’re doing, and you make sure he does, by the way that your eyes focus on him, barely looking away and closing them only briefly to savor his taste.

Jungkook’s jaw locks, his fists clench, and gradually, he bucks into your mouth as your motions continue. You see his strained face as his head lolls back, that pretty mole underneath his bitten lip looking even prettier from down here. You’re pleasuring and trapping him at the same time; he’d come right now if you let him, but he also wants you to keep at this for longer.

He’s losing himself in it, especially as you rake his thigh and fondle his balls.

“Fuck, yes, good girl,” he mindlessly moans. 

It’s a pet name he realizes you don’t like, as your movements slow down and he peeks to see displeasure in your eyes, even as you still have his cock in your mouth.

“Bad girl?” He tries again. 

You replace your mouth with your hand, scowling at him now.

“Mommy?”

You completely stop your movements. “I’m going to castrate you.”

You say it so seriously. And even though his near-orgasm falls substantially - which is somewhat fortunate because he was so close and he really wanted to come inside you but you seemed to be enjoying what you were doing before he ruined it - he can’t help but chuckle at your disappointed look. 

“Fine, sweets. Because you taste so fucking amazing,” he says, leaning over to peck your lips. “Please continue.”

You roll your eyes but enjoy it nonetheless. “You’re lucky you’re hot.”

He scrunches his nose the way he does when he annoys you, and it’s cute but sexy at the same time, what with his body looking the way it does right now. 

You get back into it quickly, sucking as you slide back down, his tip hitting you at the hilt. You go back to the pace you were at earlier, and you see him get back to it, too, his head lolling back again and his mouth parting to let out a groan that shoots straight through your core. Your head bobs up and down again, and you meet his desperate and lust-filled eyes before you go for another dive that has him keening and losing his mind.

“Fuck, ___, on your back, now.”

You release him from your mouth with a playful wink, and he pulls you to lay on the couch, the urge to make you feel good with his cock getting stronger by the second. He spreads your legs and his mouth waters at how ready you are to take him.

“Wait, Jungkook,” you say, and for a moment, his heart stops. “Condom. I have a box on my bedside.”

“I have one here,” he replies, searching for his wallet. 

He retrieves the foil pack and apologizes as he puts the latex sheath on, and you respond that it’s okay.

“So you were expecting this, huh?” You tease as he hovers over you, feeling his tip tease your entrance.

“I was hoping for it, actually,” he smiles, kissing you and swallowing your moan as he slides in.

You feel his length drag inside you, your walls that have been deprived for too long, taking him in fully. The pleasure from a good, hard cock from someone who knows what they’re doing is mind blowing, as Jungkook angles you in such a way that lets you feel everything. 

He starts slowly, his mouth trailing down your neck before nibbling the shell of your ear, then swirling his tongue on your pert buds the same time he thrusts harshly inside you.

“Fuck, yeah, like that,” you mewl, liking the way he teased a bit then went right in. 

He maintains that pace as you continue to moan out curses, praising him for how good he’s making you feel, and he responds with his own praises of how good you feel. Your hands hold onto his shoulders, sliding down to feel his biceps in their absolute divine form, all taut and large, like how you like them.

“You’re so fucking sexy, I’m losing my mind,” he drawls, kneeling now as he lifts both your legs to flush against your chest, thrusting incessantly, letting you feel him even deeper. 

“Hmmm, fuck, you’re so good,” you pant, loving his praises.

You go with this position for a while before he places your legs back down to wrap around his waist, and you take the opportunity to push him further inside you with your heels to his delight. 

“Keeping me locked in on you, huh?” He teases, biting your lip then taking both your hands and pinning them above your head. “I’m not going anywhere, sweets.”

“Stick to ‘babe,’ alright? That’s too cliche for a pastry chef to say,” you grumble, earning you a laugh at how it’s something you’d still correct him on in the middle of sex.

The view of him from below, with the veins popping out of his neck and his tattooed arm flexed over you, is making you even wetter. There are beads of sweat on his forehead, his jaw is clenched, and the moans he lets out are sinful. You can’t hold in the obscene sounds that you make, either, with how he’s hitting you in the spots you didn’t think would feel this good. 

But you still know your body more, and you know just how to build on the pleasure that’s overtaking every part of you.

“From behind,” you pant, and he follows immediately, releasing you from his hold and helping you on your knees.

Your elbows support you as your belly hits the couch, your ass angled upward for him to nip and kiss before he slides in easily, hitting another spot that has you keening right away. 

“Shit, you look so fucking good like this,” he groans, slapping a cheek, eliciting another moan from you.

It’s something you didn’t think you’d actually like, but Jungkook has a way of making you be open and actually enjoy things with him. And even he moans when he does it, which he follows with a praise or a kiss on your back, and you’re living for the way he’s making sure you both feel good with everything he’s doing.

He pounds into you in a pace that gradually quickens, his hands holding your waist in place as you wail in pleasure. He lifts you a little, allowing him to lower himself on your back, kissing your shoulders then your neck before tilting your face to ravage your mouth. 

The way he moves is heated and impassioned and everything you’d imagined that sex with him would be like - with him giving his all, making you feel euphoric and satisfied, praising you repeatedly. He cups your breast from below, and with the added stimulation, you feel your belly tighten, and the pending orgasm builds up too quickly for you to warn him.

“I’m—”

You let out a loud moan as your body shakes from the pleasure, your mind hazy now as you feel like you’re suspended from what he’d just made you experience. 

He continues, though, going harder now to reach his high, and you urge him to push into you even more, which he does obediently.

It still feels good even if your body is giving in, finding what little energy you have left to meet his hips, and it’s a final thrust that has him coming, the intensity of it allowing you to feel him spill his seed into the condom inside you. 

“Shit,” he pants, peppering kisses up your spine, unbothered by the sweat lining it.

He breathes into the crook of your neck before meeting your lips again, but this time in a languid movement of tongues entangling, feeling each other’s pleasure and exhaustion.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he moans in your mouth, lazily still rocking into you as he comes down from his high. “And so fucking good.”

“Hmm, you’re welcome,” you hum in his mouth, shivering in over sensitivity as he fondles your pert bud. “Jungkook!” You squeal.

He chuckles and gives you a soft kiss. “I’ll just throw this,” he says, easing out of you and removing the condom. He gives your ass another slap before walking towards your bathroom.

You hum in response and turn on your back, hoping you’ll remember to sanitize this couch and call for the cleaner tomorrow afternoon. 

Jungkook returns with his boxers on and a wet towel then proceeds to clean you up, systematically wiping your breasts, your back, then your cunt that’s still recovering. He places the throw blanket over you before snuggling next to you. 

“Is this okay?” He asks, sliding his arm underneath your head to serve as your pillow. 

“Yeah, I like post-sex cuddles. Especially after that,” you smile at him. “I’m exhausted. I haven’t had dick in years, I’d forgotten how it feels inside me.”

“And how was mine?” He smirks.

“Good?” You turn to him. 

“Just good?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“Great? Do you need me to stroke your ego?”

“Not really,” he chuckles. “I just wanna make sure that I made you feel good and so I can keep doing all that. You deserve to feel good,” he explains, giving you a soft smile.

“Well, it was amazing. I don’t usually come from dick, just to let you know,” you admit.

“You don’t, what?” He exclaims.

“I don’t come from penetration that much. I mean, it’s good, I just don’t always orgasm from it,” you mumble. “And that’s perfectly normal.”

“I know. It’s just… wait, so how were you with, uh…”

“I’d fake it. He’s the type who needs to feel good about himself, remember?”

“Yeah, so a while ago, did you…?”

“I seriously came, Jungkook. You wiped me off! Plus, that kind of moan is hard to fake, mind you,” you clarify, not wanting to make him feel bad, but with what you know of Jungkook, he doesn’t have a razor thin ego for him to feel insecure about it.

“Wow, okay. Good job, little J. You did well,” he says, patting his now-flaccid cock.

“Did you just… compliment your dick…” You look at him incredulously.

“He made you come! He needs affirmation sometimes,” he defends.

“You’re silly,” you playfully roll your eyes.

“I know,” he smirks. “But also, can I just say? You’re so hot when you talk dirty to me.”

“That’s not my dirty talk,” you chuckle. “That’s literally me, telling you exactly what I want. Which I’ll probably do a lot. That turns you on?”

“Duh. I like it when you tell me what to do.”

He looks at you with those now-innocent eyes and boyish smile, the euphoric feel from earlier turning into something light and comfortable, something you rarely feel after sex. 

You’re tired but he makes you laugh. Your body is sore but he caresses your cheek and pecks your lips, telling you that he doesn’t mind how you come, as long as he makes you come, whatever part of his body does it. 

He’s every bit of a dream you never expected would come in the form of a bunny smile and a sinful body, and he wants you, just as much as you want him. 

You yawn, prompting him to sit up to give way for you to clean up and get ready for bed.

“Stay the night,” you say, as you take his discarded polo on the floor and wear it, the hem just barely covering your thighs. “I want to wake up next to you in the morning.”

“Okay,” he smiles, his heart melting at the sight of you in his clothes.

He follows your lead and doesn’t react much when you give him a towel and the oversized shorts you wore when you were pregnant then motion for the guest bathroom.

You take your time in the shower to gather yourself and come down from the high you’re still on. Jungkook crashed into your life years ago and made you feel things, and that rattled you, made you unsteady because you don’t like feeling like both of your hands aren’t on the wheel. 

Being without him and then having him back still makes you feel that sometimes, but you realize that if the other hand on the wheel next to yours is his, it’s not so bad. And if the years apart and the recent months with him have told you anything, it’s that whether you’re driving the car, he is, or both of you are, you want him next to you. That should be enough, you remind yourself in an effort to dispel whatever remaining doubts and fears you have.

He wants more with you, whatever that is. And sharing something so intimate like your bare selves to each other is what you needed tonight to solidify what your heart has known for a while now, even with the tiniest hint of apprehension in there. 

You exit your bathroom to find him sitting at the edge of your bed in all his shirtless glory, and you take your time to appreciate his broad and muscled and incredibly insatiable form before walking towards him.

“Hey,” you finally say, taking the hand he reaches out to you. “Why aren’t you in bed yet?”

“Wanted to make sure I’m on the right side before I get comfortable.”

He pulls you close and wraps his arms around your torso. “And to do this,” he says, as his hands move to cup your ass cheeks. “I don’t know why but it’s so comforting.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” you chuckle, briefly cradling his head before giving him a peck on the lips. “Let’s go to bed, my whole body is sore and my legs are still shaking.”

You walk to your side and he scoots to his, but instead of lying down next to you, he kneels and starts massaging your calves, up to your knees and thighs.

“I might have overbent these,” he teases, kissing your leg when you start to complain, his lips matching the sensual way his hands are stroking your flesh.

Jungkook just watches your satisfied face as he continues, his heart swelling at how you’re looking at him so tenderly. He thinks it’s reflective of what you do to him - one minute it’s racing like hell because you make him nervous, excited, euphoric, confused; another minute you’re calming him down, gazing at him like there’s beauty in his eyes, comforting him without touching him. 

And that’s how you’ve been to him all these months - sometimes you’re a hurricane - fast, dangerous, daunting from afar and overwhelming up close. Sometimes you’re a still day - a grounding presence, comforting, awe-inspiring in its simplicity. 

You’re raw, flawed, imperfect, and absolutely breathtaking. And he can’t get enough of you. 

He returns your smile and crawls under the covers, his arm out to hold you while you rest your head on his chest, your palm on his torso providing warmth and coolness at the same time. 

Kissing your forehead, he whispers. “Good night, ___.” 

“Good night,” you mumble.

Jungkook stares at the ceiling as the minutes tick by, still wrapping his head around tonight, the elation unmatched as he thinks of waking up next to you in the morning. It’s like he wants to fast forward to that but also wants to savor what’s remaining of the evening with you. 

“I thought you were tired. Why are you still up?” He asks, his fingers grazing your bare shoulder.

You turn to him with a questioning look.

“You breathe heavily when you sleep,” he says. “I hear it in the car when I’m driving. What’s on your mind, ___?”

“What did you mean about wanting more?” You wonder out loud, releasing yourself from his hold to sit up, knees folded underneath your chin.

“More,” he responds, as if it’s an all-encompassing answer. “Being able to kiss you, hold you, wake up next to you, make love to you whenever.”

“Is that it?”

His eyes briefly meet yours before they flit elsewhere.

“Spend my life with you, have a family with you,” he says softly.

“You hesitated.”

“Only because I wasn’t sure if you want that, if you’re ready for that,” he responds. 

“Jungkook, of course I want a family.”

“But do you want it with me?”

“I do,” you answer a beat too late.

“You hesitated,” he sighs.

“Only because I…”

“You’re scared I’ll change my mind,” he finishes.

“Partly. I mean, the thought still swims around,” you admit. “Do you blame me though?”

“No, but ___, this is me we’re talking about. And this is you.”

You cock an eyebrow at his words, signaling him to keep going. 

“You’re not some hobby or preference or a college degree that I’d change my mind about,” he explains. “Even when you broke my heart and didn’t want me to be a part of your life, when I was away, I didn’t change my mind.”

“Yeah, but then Yae-won happened. That’s changing your mind, Jungkook.”

“Was it, if it wasn’t even that serious? I told you, we were good friends more than anything. We were great company for each other, in a lot of ways, but I couldn’t fully give in because a part of me knew that when I came back here, when I saw you again, I’d be the same guy who’d want you. And I was right,” he explains. 

“I saw you at the bar, that night in Busan, and I… fuck, everything just came back. And she noticed the change after that. I felt terrible, but somehow she just knew; it wasn’t the same. She didn’t wanna burden me, she said, and I stayed there for months after she and I broke up to just think things through again, knowing you still didn’t have a partner. And I came back here having decided that if I had to wait again, I would,” he continues. “If I had to start over as just a friend, I would, and then figure it out from there like before. Maybe wait for you to push me away and stop. But I’d stay until then and just be there for you. Because that’s how I am. I find something I love and I go all out, I’m patient but I give my everything and—”

“You love me?” You interject.

“Yes,” he says with no hesitation this time. “Does that scare you?”

“No. I just… I feel so much for you, Jungkook. It’s a lot that I’m still trying to unpack and savor and take my time with because I want to do this right, too. That’s why I’m not there yet. And I don’t wanna scare you with that.”

“You won’t. I mean, that’s already more than enough,” he assures, taking your hand. “I’m so fucking weak for you, ___. You could do your worst and I’d still forgive you, I'd still be crazy about you and that’s crazy, isn’t it? Someone like me, who didn’t think his heart would ever stick to one thing, finds a woman at the cafe and just… decides he’s sure about her, about you. So let me love you right, okay? No need to say it back or reciprocate it right away. Just let me love you and Heejin right because I will do that. And then I’ll wait. Again. And I won’t mind for as long as you let me love you this way. Please.”

The tears well up in your eyes as you wrap your arms around his neck, letting his strong arms steady you and let you know that he means everything he said. You feel his words glue together the holes from your past, your fears, your worries, and apprehensions. You know he’s held back a little, not wanting to go too hard and push you away in the process, wanting instead to let his feelings speak through his actions, for you to acknowledge and accept them at your own pace. 

With all that’s happened tonight, there’s no reason for you to doubt anymore, especially as he tightens his hold and places kisses on the side of your head.

“I love you, okay? Please let me say it everyday,” he whispers. “I need you to know it everyday.”

“Okay,” you whisper back, pulling away and kissing him deeply. “I don’t know how good I’ll be with this girlfriend thing this time. I get stubborn and temperamental and irritable. But I’ll do better. Tell me when it gets too much for you, alright? I don’t want to give you a reason to walk away.”

“And I get clingy and childish and hard-headed sometimes,” he chuckles, caressing your tear-stained face. “But I’ll always make you laugh.”

“You can kiss me, too. That’ll work.”

“That’s nice to know,” he smiles, pulling you next to him in an embrace. “Who would’ve thought that you’d be so drawn to my kisses, huh?” He pecks your lips again. “So that’s all you need?”

You nod in response. “Wait for me to calm down and kiss me, hold me. I’ll need that. What about you?”

“I just need you and Heejin, next to me, laughing with me. That’s all.”

“Okay,” you sniff, nuzzling his neck. “I’ll need that, too.”

“It won’t be easy,” he adds, knowing you’re gonna need this assurance, too. “We’re gonna have fights and misunderstandings or days of just wanting to be alone. But ___, you’re my plan, okay? Being a family with you and Heejin is on my vision board, and I’m gonna do everything to make sure that nothing changes that, you hear me? Even if it gets hard, whether things are going fine or a storm clouds over us, we’re going to make it work.”

You savor his words as Jungkook thinks back to when he first saw you, the fierceness in your eyes and the softness of your smile captivating him immediately. 

Every moment he’d spent with you is something etched in his brain which he holds onto whenever he needs to feel that sense of purpose in his life, when he wants to remember that happiness. Whether it’s your grit and passion for your job, the selfless way you love those around you, and the strength that you exemplify, you’re everything he’s ever wanted and more.

**

Your phone’s incessant ringing feels like a hole is being drilled into your head, disturbing your peaceful slumber against the warm body cuddling you from behind. Jungkook’s breath tickles your ear, his gruff moans remind you of last night, and the way he fondles your breast tells you that he likes anything that’s soft, and that, well, a pastry chef’s hand is very skilled; you’re tempted to just go for morning sex if it wasn’t for your mother calling.

“Honey, we’re near,” your mom chirps when you finally pick up. “Make sure to, uh, put some clothes on.”

You groan in response to her giggling then proceed to the bathroom to freshen up. It only takes five minutes for the doorbell to ring and upon opening the door, you find that your earlier barely-awake state is matched by your half-asleep daughter clinging to an amused Jung-jae.

“I tried hard not to wake her up but failed,” he says. “She was kind of cranky but I gave her the alpaca stuffed toy like you said and she went back to sleep.”

“Aww, bubba’s not in the mood,” you chuckle, taking her from him, her arms immediately wrapping around your neck. “Thank you both for keeping her company last night,” you say, inviting them inside.

“Oh, honey. We loved having her. We don’t mind having her on some nights,” your mother says. “You and Jungkook need time for—”

She’s cut off by a shirtless Jungkook walking towards the kitchen mindlessly, eyes widening once you whisper-shout his name. 

Your mother clears her throat and continues. “Uh, time for that.”

It’s then you notice the marks you’d left on Jungkook’s neck after you went another round last night after he bore his heart to you. You were so taken by him that your kiss turned heated until you found yourself on top of him, your tiredness compounded but definitely worth it once you finally fell asleep.

“Put a shirt on, you dummy!” You scowl, covering Heejin’s ears. 

“You didn’t give me one!” He counters, cheekily waving at your mom and Jung-jae. 

“Find one in my closet, now!”

He scurries to your room and you’re left looking and feeling embarrassed.

“Well, I didn’t expect any less from him,” your mother laughs. “But I hope this means that you two aren’t skirting around what you both feel anymore, yeah? And that maybe, one day, Heejin will know of a father who’ll love her unconditionally, though I think Jungkook does that already.”

Jungkook returns with a zipped-up jacket now on before you can say anything, though you’re unsure how to answer that. One at a time, you think, as you watch him make coffee like this is his home. 

Not wanting to let Heejin go just yet, you hold onto her while your mom and Jung-jae talk about a spa resort they want to go to as a family, and you get excited at the thought of what that would now mean to you and Jungkook. He seems like he’s looking forward to it, too, as he tries to hide his smile from you.

You eventually bid your mom and Jung-jae goodbye and head back to your room.

“She’s still sleepy, and so am I. Can we sleep in?” 

“Of course,” Jungkook smiles. 

You place Heejin in between both of you, and a sudden movement causes her to briefly wake up.

“Mama,” she calls out, arms up for you to take.

You kiss her nose and tell her that Kookoo is next to her, too, and she turns to hug him and peck his cheek before turning back to you, squeezing her legs underneath your body. 

“Oh, my bubba,” you chuckle, wrapping your arms around her. “I love you so much.”

Jungkook watches you tenderly as you cradle your world in your hands, and he wants nothing more than to be able to do that with both of you, too. 

You meet his eyes and there’s a glimmer in his, and if there’s a way to capture this so you could look into them during the toughest days, you would. 

He leans in to kiss you - one, two, three times.

“I love you, ___.”

They’re words he’d say every day in some way - a note on your to-go coffee, as a cheeky apology after annoying you again, over the phone before he hangs up, and on weekend evenings when he’d stay the night and he’d whisper it to you as you’re just about to fall asleep.

It takes you a month to finally say it back. 

You’re at home and Jungkook had just calmed Heejin down from a tantrum by fake-crying along with her, causing her to be upset that he’s crying, so she stops and comforts him instead. 

“Stop crying, Kookoo,” she pouts, hugging him.

“I’m okay now. I love you, sunshine,” he chirps, kissing her nose before placing her on the chair then moving to the oven to take out the freshly-baked bread that he’s now an expert at doing. 

It’s his patience, his kindness, his child-like nature and thoughtfulness that makes him the person you want, the person you love. The person you want to love you and Heejin for a long time.

“I love you, Jungkook,” you say, each word carrying memories and experiences and emotions in them. “I love you so much.”

He’s caught off guard. He almost drops the pan and burns his finger but he doesn’t mind. Your words are all that matter, so do Heejin’s, as he glances at her smiling face as she calls out his name. 

Walking over to you, he kisses you one, two, three times, his own words carrying a little bit more now. 

“I love you,” he promises. “I love you with my whole heart.”

##

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[ourlife-loves]

"I like you" (DAY6) - Cove Holden

Song - "I like you" by Day6 (Everyday6: Moonrise)

Our Life, Step 3 - Charity

Word Count: 1,096

You two stood in your bedroom, staring at each other. It went silent a moment ago, and all you could do was think. The man before you, Cove James Holden. Your best friend of ten years now, who has been with you through thick and thin. You knew exactly how you felt about him, how you had always felt about him.

The days that go as my will, there weren't many.

Throughout those years, there were many fights. That time you caught Cove trying to run away, and he proclaimed he would “never tell you anything again!” when you decided to go and tell your moms. But then, upon finding out about your birth parents, Cove was the very first person you went to. He knew just how to comfort you, just like he always had, even when you were distant and kept trying to push him away.

Actually, many didn’t go the way I’d like.

And let’s not forget the time you told him about the deal you were offered. Despite the fact that you pretty much told him right away, and that you didn’t take that twenty dollar bill, he wouldn’t let you near him. But it was understandable, what eight year old wouldn’t be upset? You stuck yourself right by his side regardless, and it was by some sort of miracle the Mr. Holden showed up when he did to resolve the issue.

It feels like today might be one of them.

Things went so well today. You had no real struggle with your outfit, and the event was amazing. You and Cove had worked so hard for it, but you knew it would be great as long as Cove was there.

It’s concerning me.

Cove. Lost in your mind, you nearly forgot you were still standing there, staring at him. When you looked at his face again, lit up by the tiny firefly, you could see it on his face. The silent question, slowly turning into concern as you realized you had been frowning. Great, that’s exactly the last expression you wanted on your face at that moment.

After I say this, I’m not sure if we can face each other again, smiling.

“Cove…”

I don’t know if we can go back to what we were.

You looked directly at him once again, smiling as you took his hand. If you were going to say it, you had to be clear, of course. You could do this, you know you can. How could he not feel the same, after all these years? You knew the way he looked at you was different, and you can’t pretend you haven’t noticed the way his cheeks always flushed when he talked to you. He wasn’t like that with Derek. Not Terri or Miranda, either. Only with you. Moms, Lee, and Liz had constantly teased you two over the years, so maybe, just maybe he felt the same?

But still, I have to say this.

A solid deep breath in. “Cove… I like you.”

There, you did it. You started, and now there’s no turning back. “It’s just, I tried to hold it down, but I can’t do this anymore.”

As you started your confession, your eyes slowly drifted to the ground. It was hard to face him, but you could see that the light of the firefly was gone. At that, you slowly lifted your head once more.

Your eyes are shaking, they’re shaking my heart also.

Knowing Cove for as long as you have, you could tell that he was about to cry. His eyes were wide, and he was staring at you in shock. For a split second you thought maybe he didn’t hear you, but it’s more like he needed the time to process your words. And then, the tears started to spill over.

When this passes, I don’t know if we can go back to when we were casual.

At this point in time, for perhaps the first time since you met, you couldn’t discern Cove’s feelings from his expression. Maybe he felt the same as you, and he was crying because he got emotional. You knew him well enough that this was a very likely scenario. But you also knew it could be because he didn’t and perhaps he felt bad for you. Your heart sunk at the notion, and you wanted so badly to ignore it.

“I’ve been crushing on you like this for a long time, Cove.”

You slowly took his hands in yours. If he wasn’t going to talk, you needed to at least sort it out. Even if you left heartbroken, it would only be that much worse if he blamed himself for it. He doesn’t need to feel bad about not returning your feelings.

“If you don’t feel the same, you can just tell me ‘I’m sorry.’ I’ll be fine, I promise.”

At those words, Cove froze. All the tears that had been pouring like waterfalls left, as if they never existed in the first place.

“Never.”

At that, you froze.

“It took me a long time to say this. I was afraid that you wouldn’t feel the same way. But you’ve never given me any reason to be afraid.”

This time, it was your turn to be shocked. You’re sure that your expression mirrors the one Cove had just a moment ago.

“MC, you’re great. Everything you do is wonderful and fantastic. Which is why I… I like you.”

You suddenly understand why Cove started crying, because the tears poured out of you with much of the same sentiment. It wasn’t because he felt bad, but because he felt amazing. The fact that neither of you were one hundred percent sure that you felt the same, it was like you were carrying around a few tons on your shoulders every day.

But there was no reason to fear that any longer, because he liked you and you liked him. As if to seal the deal, you both leaned in at once. This was it, your very first kiss with Cove. It was like fireworks, brilliant flashes of color crossing your mind as your lips met. You knew deep within your heart that this feeling was much deeper than anticipated. 

As you continued you only felt more and more giddy, the two of you clumsily bumping into each other. Many of your habits you started to share over the years, and this much continued to be true as the two of you started your incoherent, happy mumbling into each other.

“I want to love you.”

[happilychaengs]

hii, i have a request...could you please write a nayeon x fem! angst that's inspired by the song 'like a flowing wind' by day6 ??

-🦌

honestly i'm kind of ashamed i haven't heard this song before but i started listening to this on loop so... yeah. anyways i was racking my brain for this so i hope you enjoy!

-r

nayeon - like a flowing wind

word count: 716

nayeon x gender neutral reader

In the end, I think this is the end

결국 여기까지가 끝인 것 같아

I have to accept it now

이젠 받아들여야 해

because I tried so hard

너무나도 노력했기에

it must be so hard

이렇게 힘든가 봐

It won't be easy

쉽지는 않겠지만

I will let you go bluntly

덤덤하게 너를 보낼 거라

these were the first lyrics that popped up for me so i just chose this

you put the phone up to your ear as she picked up.

"y/n? what's wrong?"

"nothing nay. i just to talk and also i wanted to know if you wanted to go-"

"yeah jihyo?" you heard her shout over the line. then there was someone else shouting back, presumably the leader herself. she let out another sigh as she apologized to you, "i'm sorry y/n, i have to go. I'll call you back." then she hung up.

you let out a breathy sigh as you looked down at her contact name. 'my only one'.

hours passed. unsurprisingly, she hasn't gotten back to you with anything. a text. a call. any sign she cared enough. you just gave up on it as you made your way to bed. you decided to wait this time.

almost always she comes back at 2 am in the morning. always busy. you sat in your bed as you watched the door aimlessly, waiting for her to appear and just on time she does.

"y/n?" she sounded surprised to see you up, waiting for her. "why are you up?"

"nothing." you gave her a small smile, "i just missed you."

"oh. well i missed you too." she nonchalantly replied as she put her bag down and got into bed. as she laid down, you tried wrapping your arms around her stomach like you used to in the past. she had always said ending the day with your warmth was enough for her to get by.

but maybe she was lying right straight through her teeth. she peeled your arms away as she turned her back to you. "not now. i'm tired y/n. good night."

"oh... okay. good night."

and not before long, you could hear her light snores. that was enough of a signal for you to crawl your way out of bed and away from her. you were losing her. you knew. you've tried so hard. so hard to make this work. to make her happy but you knew that it'd all end soon enough.

maybe if you had stopped trying long ago, you wouldn't be feeling like this. like you have this gaping hole in your heart that's missing something. nayeon was the best thing you could ask for. seriously she was. and yet she felt like the worst thing to happen in your life. she was slipping through your fingers by the second and yet you thought it was fine to let it stay this way. it was foolish really.

you've almost convinced yourself that if you loved her hard enough, it'd be okay. you'd still be happy.

you decided to sleep on the couch tonight. away from her and as a new day came around again, you felt exactly the same. you watched as nayeon came down the stairs, glancing over at you and then just walking out the door with nothing to say. you wanted to tell her to stay for just one day for you. take a break. but you knew you'd be wrong to be so selfish.

you should stop this. you thought. it'll only hurt for a while, right? and it'd be easier for her, right? almost an hour passed of you weighing your options. to stay and be miserable or to leave her and make it easier for you both. you decided to choose the latter.

you scrambled around your house for a pen and paper to just write down everything. your final words to nayeon before you'd let her go and how you truly felt. by the time nayeon got back, she called out for you, not seeing a single sign you were home. "y/n?"

as she looked around, your clothes from the closet were gone. any sign that a person besides her lived here was gone. she grew more worried as she spotted a folded up sheet of paper on the bedside table. her brows knitted together as she slowly walked over and unfolded it.

as she skimmed it, she could tell it was your writing. the letter almost seemed incomprehensible in her current state. where did you go? where were you?

but it all became clear soon enough. tears stained the paper in her hands as she stood there reading the last line.

i'm letting you go.