#dead serious and i want this deliciously fucked up family dynamic

[theseventhveil1945]

Your father is a fool. His attempt to hack the code will destroy the entire simulation. 1.08 | "The Key"

[oversensitiveandoffputting]

I love the idea of the grimoire actually having the capability of being able to hurt Stolas physically if used wrong. Maybe even kill him.

Think about it: how many abusive parents have given their kids “gifts” with strings attached? If you grew up in a wealthy family, maybe you got a car or a phone that was then used to justify abusing you (my mom threatening to report me for theft when I…*checks notes* used the phone she gave me at my dad’s house comes to mind). Maybe your parents were more “I give you food to eat and a roof over your head so you can’t ever be angry at me” kind. “Gifts” with invisible strings attached to be taken advantage of later.

It would put an even darker tinge on S1E1 and S2E2, when Blitz and Octavia are careless with it and run off with it without his consent. It would also add an additional layer of fucked up to his and Blitz’s dynamic. He’s willing to trust Blitz with this book that can kill him if used wrong, but not actually explain why Blitz needs to be so careful with it? It would add an additional reinforcement to the theme of Stolas being extremely closed off, wanting vulnerability and community just as bad as Blitz does but having this physical manifestation of what could be used against him if he trusts the wrong person. And we know Stella isn’t above trying to kill him. That’s a pretty solid reason why he may keep this secret under wraps.

It would also explain some more why Stolas even needs the book. We don’t see him ever read from it. The spells he uses are memorized. It’s not like he’s not working the rest of the month while Blitz has it, so why does he want it back for one night and one night only a month? To bribe the guy he likes into coming over, sure, but maybe also some reassurance that Blitz won’t do anything stupid with it. Goetia are insanely hard to kill and live eons, so why does he need a precautionary heir? Is it because he has this book that can be used to kill him at any point in time?

They hint in S2E2 of the grimoire actually being tied to Stolas’ magic (“Without my grimoire I’m afraid my magic is a tad limited in the human world”) but I love the delicious angst of Blitz coming to the realization that he’s been carrying around this thing for months that if was singed or scratched or ripped or even destroyed, his biggest problem isn’t finding a way home: it’s finding Stolas dead. And Stolas never told him. What other very serious, very heavy things does he not know? What other curveballs are going to be thrown his way? Is fighting for Stolas worth it the more these secrets come out? (Yes).

[highqueenofelfhame]

acowar reread thread

so i think i’ll update this post every few chapters unless anything super major happens that i want to immediately react to, that way you get my commentary but i’m not totally flooding and flooding and flooding your feed with a super super long post. i think i’m going to edit it under the cut and reblog it every time it gets updated and i’ll also number every update so it’s easy to find where i left off. if you guys prefer the other way i’ll transition back to the other way for acofas.) this is super fun i’ll start doing this for more books if you’re interested, including books i read for the first time. (after acofas, crescent city is next and it’ll be my first time reading it!)

UPDATES UNDER THE CUT.

1) chapters 1-5 I’ve read up through chapter five and so far my favorite thing is just how DONE feyre is with literally everyone in the spring court. the amount of times she’s had to like look away and not roll her eyes is just hilarious, her dry inner monologue, she just made a comment about having to remind herself to laugh and not strangle tamlin while they were dancing at the summer solstice and it just is so funny to me. 

i miss rhys. but the few times they’ve spoken through the bond is enough to tide me over. he told her he loved her once and i sighed out loud. i’m such trash for this bitch. 

feyre hijacking the summer solstice ceremony is COMEDIC GOLD. like you kNOW ianthe was fuming and furious and trying to save face the best she could but like hats off to feyre man. her character development from book one to where we’re at in book three is fantastic. she’s not a simpering little girl anymore, she’s a bad bitch and she kNOWS she’s a bad bitch and it’s just.. fucking great. 

i also, as much as i don’t want to, feel for lucien A LOT. i think a lot of his behavior is heavily influenced by how he’s been treated by tamlin for most of his life and i feel genuine remorse from him and the fact that he can like tell something is up but isn’t saying anything just shows, to me anyway, how much remorse he’s genuinely feeling. 

also alis knowing that something is up is just a testament to how attentive she is as a faerie and a friend and i really love that about her.

“I was the nightmare” YAS BITCH. FUCKIN YAASSS.

2) chapters 6-10 feyre is so goddamn clever. the entire time she’s bringing down the spring court she’s witty and fierce and clever and really just iS THAT BITCH, HUH? 

i don’t like jurian but the fact that he still has compassion within himself for his kind despite being literally insane for being just AWAKE and aware for like 500 years is... nice and pleasantly surprising because i feel like you wouldn’t think that of him being that he’s siding with hybern so that he thanked feyre when she tried to get the children of the blessed out of there... i don’t know why i’m bringing this up, it’s just something that stuck out to me and that jurian also vouches (to feyre) about rhysand’s character and how decent of a person he found him to be. it’s just very interesting and i feel like speaks leaps and bounds about rhysand as a person. 

feyre pushing tamlin to explode again... just CHEF KISS. like she really thought of everything. she thought of everything to internally make his sentries doubt him and then completely hate them by orchestrating the ianthe vs sentry debacle. she made herself seem very compassionate and kind and and showed tamlin and ianthe for what they were by doing genuinely so little. like all she did was make them show their true colors on their own and it didn’t take tOO much manipulation. idk feyre is just incredible in the spring court. 

forcing ianthe to hurt herself and molding her mind to make her think she’s always afraid is so much better than just outright killing her.. (if i remember from my last read, it doesn’t hold up, but the thought is there and it’s genius) I also think that this shows a lot about feyre and her character because despite everything she couldn’t just leave lucien alone with ianthe and the unwanted advances. she stayed and fought for her friend (and by extension her mate) even when lucien wouldn’t really fight for her and so feyre is just a fuckin real one like... she’s the kind of friend that you want in your corner. 

killing the hybern twins: glorious. such badassery from lucien and feyre both. 

and i think it’s nice that she let lucien come along with her on her journey back to the night court despite maybe not wanting to but i also think that she knew if she left him behind he could get in serious trouble or wind up dead and so again, i think it says a lot about her character as a person. 

3) chapters 11-15 i’m kind of reading and recapping every 50 pages or so which typically ends up being 4-5 chapters and it’s a good system so far so we’re gonna keep it up! 

the first thing of like, real substance to comment on is lucien saying his father will kill feyre for wielding his power but feyre just responding with “he can get in line.” like her sass is sO GOOD In this book, especially in the spring court chapters.

uhhh big fuck you to eris, i don’t know why people want him to have a redemption arc, he is literally a fat sack of shit that deserves to burn and i’m not sorry for saying so. he’s abusive and cruel and doesn’t deserve like, anything at all. although i will say good on him for balking a bit when feyre revealed she’s high lady. 

CASSIAN AND AZRIEL SUPERHERO LANDING ON THE ICE AND KICKING ASS!! I remember vividly the relief i felt when cassian showed up and was able to fly and i still felt so much victory when it happened again. it’s one of my favorite moments of the book so far and just really gets me. also feyre just dropping the “I’m high lady of the night court” bomb is DELICIOUS and i can’t get enough. i read it like six times. because you know as soon as the illyrians yielded to her that the autumn bitches were like “shit.”

“My love.” kILLS ME. you guys, i’ve only read this book once but i’ve reread their reuniting multiple times because it’s just so soft. rhys is so goddamn soft. he loves her so fucking much. i want rhys to call me my love and lick my tears away. goddamn. 

something i think about a lot is how in acotar when tamlin had feyre alone after months of torture he just tried to fuck her despite knowing things weren’t safe. however, knowing she was home and safe, rhys didn’t try for that immediately. like yes, they kissed, but there was so much conversation before they fucked that it just, says a lot about their relationship. tamlin also always demanded to know everything about feyre’s visits as soon as she was back, not even bothering to kiss her hello but rhys was like ‘that shit can wait’ AND THEY’RE ABOUT TO GO TO WAR. rhys loves her so wholly that he wanted to make sure she was okay before he ever bothered to ask about the spring court and how everything unfolded the last few weeks. idk i’m trash for rhysand, y’all. let’s make that a shirt.

the way that rhys threatens lucien, “i won’t bother to explain it again, and i will rip out your fucking throat.” is so sexy. like how casual it was, so sexy.#ripmythroatoutrhysand

amren being a bedtime story but irl is just a cranky aunt lmao.

nesta’s ferocity is, yes, frustrating, but also so heartbreaking to me. for a very long time i had a really rough relationship with my sister and i can see my own sister in nesta (who, by the way, would murder me if she found out i said this so, kara, if u see this, i love u endlessly and i love nesta with my whole heart) especially nesta’s behavior more so in acofas which i’ll talk more about when we get there. but i just, i feel for her man. she’s been traumatized and life as she knows it has been ripped away from her and some people respond to trauma with bite. and i know it doesn’t make it right or okay but it still just makes me feel for her.

cassian and nesta’s banter just gODDAMMIT SLAYS ME. i cannot wait for an entire fucking book of this shit and an entire book of their back and forth. i think nesta loves him and doesn’t know what to do with it because she’s scared so she’s acting like a cornered animal. like nesta is a snake that will strike when cornered and threatened and i just god i can’t wait for their book. 

elain... broke my heart a lot more than i remembered. as someone in the midst of my worst depression i find myself able to relate to that hollow and empty feeling like...all too well and it struck a cord and i almost cried at how empty she was. 

4) chapters 16-29 there is the whole meeting at amren’s apartment and cassian defends nesta, saying that he understands her actions, her snark, why she is the way she is, and it just honestly reinforces my love for cassian. i don’t have much to say about it but that i just really love the respect that he has for others. more cassian things: feyre brings up again how even broken and literally bleeding out and on the ground with his wings completely shredded he was still crawling toward nesta and reaching for her and trying to get to her. “because i can’t stay away.” fucking cracks my heart open every time. 

i love everything about the first family dinner back together. i love all the banter, i love that nesta sat in and even contributed to dinner conversation a little bit. lucien being so uncertain of the dynamic is hilarious. amren like opening herself up in a way to nesta and telling her that they’re the same, and to make sure her eruption is felt across worlds, i love it. i’m marking a lot more from amren than i thought i would. cassian at one point, he points to az and says “don’t try to blend into the shadows” and it actually made me chuckle to myself because hE DOES THAT. and it’s funny that cassian calls him on it. 

i don’t think nesta gets enough credit (for like anything, we all been knew i’m a slut for her and stan her with my life) but even as broken and angry as she was she did still offer to help explore magic that she doesn’t want and got as a result of trauma so that she can try to help. she isn’t completely useless. and i like that she has backbone and isn’t just a pushover little bitch. (that isn’t directed toward elain. like i previously mentioned, i’m finding that i relate a lot to her in her current state.) i just mean that i’m glad she sticks up for herself and doesn’t just like, do what people tell her to do. ya know?

rhys being so open to feyre pushing back on him about things like, again man. tamlin erupted and got angry, rhys is like “hell, i deserved it.” just, the differences in their relationships and the toxicity that comes from tamlin and the devotion rhys has for feyre is (say it with me) DELICIOUS.

i also like that just because feyre is high lady that the IC doesn’t just like flop over and bend down and take shit (i’m looking at you, spring court.) like cassian isn’t afraid to be like “you pissed me off by sacrificing yourself.” because he cares. LIKE, AGAIN WITH HIS DEVOTION. his loyalty is just so pure. it isn’t blind but it is pure and i just, god i love it. 

also everyone forgets that azriel has a dry ass sense of humor and i don’t see any of y’all writing it into your fics. “In order to fly, you’ll need wings” he said drily. IT’S DELICIOUS. dry humor is some of the best. and i like that feyre is learning more and getting to spend more time with him. 

5) chapter 20-27 this one will be a bit of a dump because i accidentally read too much today so far to try to catch up from my lack of reading yesterday so... oops. 

“Let’s see what names you call me when my head is between your legs, Feyre darling.” ugh. i wish a mans would say that to me. not really. i wish rhys would say that to me and only rhys. maybe rowan. or aaron warner. or cassian. or -- you get it. 

amren is SO FUCKING FUNNY without doing it on purpose. like genuinely hilarious. “she’s fine. stubborn as an ass, but as you’re related, i’m not surprised.” rOAST THEM. also amren makes nesta almost smile and she makes her laugh all in the span of like ten seconds AND nesta almost smiles when amren brings up cassian. coincidencE? i tHINK NOT.

again with rhys soothing her nightmares. like god it’s so good i dont even have to say anything else abt it.

feyre realizing that the bone carver is her and rhysand’s son. SO GOOD. like SERIOUSLY SO GOOD. and this doesn’t matter at all rn but i think that rhysand’s son has the potential to be more powerful than even him but that’s a thing to get into for another time.

EVERYTHING THE BONE CARVER SAYS ABOUT NESTA. also that it’s directed at cassian is very interesting and i think the bone carver knows they’re mates. like i wonder if cassian is seeing what feyre sees: his own son. WOULDN’T THAT BE INTERESTING. “How she calls to you.” also the comment about “what did you wake that day in hybern, prince of bastards?” what did cassian wake. the wording here is interesting and i have... a lot of questions. does anyone else just also really fucking enjoy the bone carver as a character? like he’s excellent i’ve never read anything quite like him.

“nothing about nesta could frighten me” UGH MY NESSIAN HEART CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT.

also cassian stepping it later when nesta is furious with rhysand about the flying. like, one when he sighs and says she’ll never fly again is just... funny and adorable but how nesta was charging for rhys and he casually stepped in front of her and he talked her down. “It was amren’s fault, of course, but no one believed me. and no on dare banish her.” like just babbling a bit to bring her back down to earth. absolutely fascinating and delicious that it worked, wouldn’t you agree? ;)

court of nightmares is always a pleasure. fuck eris. 

also later at the town house when amren and mor and rhys are kinda going at it a bit and cassian gets nesta’s attention and nesta sidles over to him without questioning it... like. god if they aren’t endgame i’ll never read an SJM book ever again and i wholeheartedly mean that.

so i’ve seen the posts about amren being an angel i’m not sure if you guys have but yeah i think that’s a really solid theory. i think she very well could be a biblical angel because she mentioned that according to some they were perfect, that they laid waste to twin cities (sodom & gamorrah if this theory is correct) and she also mentioned yielding her grace and that she would fall. she also says she was a messenger and soldier assassin for a wrathful god ruling a young world and all of that, in my opinion, lines up with a lot of what is in the bible and what christians believe to be true. so i really really like this theory, i doubt it will ever be outright confirmed, but i think this is going to be my canon tbh. 

elain is.... out of her mind. it’s fucking weird everything she says is so cryptic and odd. like it’s just weird. i don’t think she’s insane and i can’t remember exactly where elain’s storyline goes in this book but like... rn it’s just weird and cryptic and a little unsettling and also interesting that she only really responds directly to azriel because everyone else she kinda ignores but she talks to him. interesting. 

6) chapters 28-49 clearly i accidentally read A LOT so we have a lOT Of ground to cover. 

NESTA WAS TOTALLY CHECKING CASSIAN OUT AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

azriel has fucking jokes, man. page 303 (hardcover us edition)  “That pine tree wasn’t there a moment ago.” “Judging by its size, i’d say it’s been there for ... two hundred years at least.” feyre even notes that he has a dry sense of humor and it comes out more when they’re alone. i can’t get enough of it. i wish he talked more. 

“Cassian finished the muffin, licking his fingers. I could have sworn nesta watched the entire thing with a sidelong glance. He grinned at her as if he knew it too.” i just love nessian so much i’m going to point out all of their cute reactions this is turning more into a nessian reaction thread SUE ME.

I think that nesta has a lot of regret and guilt over her life.over how she treated feyre because it comes out when nesta brings up to feyre that she didn’t know she couldn’t read (and again at the high lords meeting when she says they would have starved if it wasn’t for her.) i think she feels deeply and just doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t know how to express it. 

When they almost get taken in the library, and cassian gets there and nesta “launches herself at him.” my heart. she was scared and she didn’t care she was just so relieved. like fuck me up that’s the shit i like.

nesta asking where cassian is the moment they get back from the battle in adriata and she was worried and scared for him. later when she does see him i think this is when the mating bond clicks into place. it’s page 398 and she says “You didn’t come to -” and then cuts herself off. they have a really fucking intense moment. cassian takes her hand and laces their fingers and they don’t really say anything for a beat until he says “Next time, emissary, i’ll come say hello.” but his voice is low and rough when he says it. “The world seemed to go utterly still at that interrupted sentence, nothing and no one more so than cassian.” i think this is when it clicks for him. maybe not for nesta but definitely for cassian. 

RHYSAND RIPPING TAMLIN’S ABILITY TO SPEAK AWAY LIKE YES WE STAN A MOTHERFUCKING KING. fuck tamlin. fuck eris. and fuck beron. also nesta defending cassian in the high lords meeting (page 438, because beron calls him a bastard.) again, i’m just saying, she’s defending her fucking mate i can’t deal. feyre also exploding in the meeting and rhys just being like “You’ve proved your point, my love.” SO DELICIOUS. “I made her high lady because i love her. her power was the last thing i considered.” like fucking hELL that is how you treat your woman.

after the meeting, helion being like “You handing eris’s ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.” DELICIOUS. fucking hilarious. 10/10 recommend helion as a high lord and a mans we love to see it. 

also cassian being so concerned when nesta starts to have that feeling about the cauldron being used before the wall gets shattered.he didn’t doubt her feelings for a second, i mean no one did, but he was completely unyielding when he sensed her fear and immediately looked for any sign of an immediate threat.

nesta saying she’s never worn pants and cassian saying “i have no doubt you’d start a riot if you did.” he’s thinking bout that ass. also cassian giving her a quick lesson in defense before they yeet off to the human lands to see graysen and his family. IDK I REALLY LOVE NESSIAN OKAY?!

7) chapter 50-the end. i accidentally finished the book. oops. 

super intersted in nesta’s powers and if she is a witch. i can’t remember acofas at all and if nesta’s powers manifest in that book but i’m eager to see if the fracturing of the cauldron didn’t effect whatever powers she took from it. i think that could also be part of what ultimately is wrong with her on top of all the trauma. 

nesta helping cassian after that first battle when his wrist is hurt. she didn’t take no for an answer and helped him and it was just really soft until mor showed up and cassian pulled his hand away. i’m conflicted about what it means to be totally honest. what it means for his feelings for nesta and what it means where mor is concerned. i don’t love how morrigan treats nesta and cassian’s... relationship? but i don’t dislike mor. i think she’s dealing and coping and has her reasons that we will likely find out about. 

“Only you can decide what breaks you” is something i’d like to get tattooed. i dont really have anything else to add to it. 

i was sobbing during rhys’s battle speech to everyone. i dont rlly have anything else to say about it other than i’m emo. 

nesta saving cassian. again i don’t have shit to say about it other than like it makes me so emotional.  she just started blinding screaming, hoping that he would come. i can’t even begin to think what his death would have done to her.

the bone carver smiling at feyre before he did hits a very specific piece of my heart and i’m not sure why or what but i had chills all over my body. 

cassian telling rhys to let him return the favor/repay the debt. HURT. another thing i cried over. like shut the fuck cassian AIN’T NOBODY DYIN TODAY. 

tHE Nessian moment to end all nessian moments when they would die together. like big fucking wow. you can’t tell me they’re not mates. that they don’t love each other despite how complicated all of it is. like cassian is so soft in the most unique way for her because he knows she bites and he lets her and he bites back and i just think it’s what he needs.

“tell the high lord to leave out a cup for me” AMREN SHUT UP. like fucking christ i teared up then too because i really really love her character. she’s unique and funny and dry and cranky and i just love her so much. 

i’m tired of rhys sacrificing himself. there, i said it. i cried like a fucking baby and of course he woke up being a snarky little shit.

i love the end of this book. i don’t know what i’ll do with myself until january when the next one comes out. i’ll probably go back to the other format for my next read through because it’s easier and less longwinded and i think you guys liked the other way better. anywho, thank you for coming along on this lil journey!!

[arofili]

For the character ask: all the children of Finarfin

How I feel about this character:

Finrod: charming slutty blond twink with a heart of gold. maybe that’s too much fanon and not enough canon but you can tear that characterization from my cold dead hands tbh. like yes this is King “I Killed A Werewolf With Nothing But My Teeth And The Power Of Love” but he’s also Prince “I Rap Battled With Sauron And Lost” and Lord “I Befriended Men and Dwarves Before It Was Cool”

Angrod: of all his siblings i think he’s the most… Angry Boy. he has a temper, but he’s also married with a kid (I subscribe to the Orodreth Angrodion version of canon). i think he’s the ‘oh my god why can’t any of you be NORMAL’ brother. BOTH his mother name and his father name are derived from the word for ‘iron’ - he’s got an iron personality, very strong-willed and stubborn. i also hc that he’s the only arafinwean who has Earwen’s silver hair.

Aegnor: a hopeless romantic. the dreamiest arafinwion (and that’s including artanis!). very particular about his hair (which is a WILD canon detail that i love sjdfhdk) but also has terrible fashion. his head’s always in the clouds, he’s a daydreamer, but he’s also incredibly loyal and a really good friend. he almost always listens to his heart over his head - and the fact that he and andreth never marry is the One Time he listened to logic over emotion, and that haunts him forever.

Galadriel: almost as much of a genius as Feanor and almost as humble about it, which is to say, not at all. she’s proud and stubborn and full of herself, especially in her youth - she’s also gorgeous and smart and right a lot of the time, which doesn’t help her ego. by the time she’s become Lady of Lothlorien she’s been through a lot and is much more humble and wise, but i think that comes not just from her experiences but also from being married to Celeborn the Wise. i think he balances her out very well tbh. (my favorite Galadriel characterization EVER is from this fic by @nerdanelparmandil, check it out!!)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Finrod: I ship Finrod with anything that moves tbh….. I see him as super super gay, he and Amarie were mutual beards which is why she didn’t follow him to Endore. i am a Known Slut for Finrod/Turgon in particular, they’re kind of endgame for me, but also @raisingcain-onceagain​ has converted me to Finrod/Edrahil!! And while the Nargothrond Disaster Trio are in no way shape or form HEALTHY, i really really enjoy Celegorm/Curufin/Finrod content, that dynamic is delicious. i can also get down on Maedhros/Fingon/Finrod, though not really in a serious way. PLUS Finrod/Beor is very good, as is Finrod/Barahir and Finrod/Beren(/Luthien if we’re feeling spicy), and you KNOW he got busy with some dwarves! I just think he’s very free with his feelings and desires, especially after coming to Beleriand, and he takes full advantage of his freedom and position of authority to get what he wants. (not necessarily in a weird power dynamics way, though he’s into that kind of kinky shit too probably, i mean more in ‘it’s my kingdom i get to make the rules and i say No Homophobia and No Slutshaming’) - and I’m super happy to multiship with Finrod, there are verses where he’s fucking everyone and verses where he’s pining over Turgon and verses where he never even thinks about anyone other than Edrahil and etc etc etc. there’s probably even verses where he and Sauron get up to some funky shit!

Angrod: I don’t have a lot of headcanons about him and Eldalote. She has a Sindarin name, so maybe she came with him to Middle-earth - or maybe not, and he just missed her so much that he wouldn’t shut up about her and so her name was Sindarized to Edhellos. Either way I think they had a very strong relationship that ended in tragedy one way or another. I’ve also seen some fun Angrod/Caranthir enemies-to-lovers stuff, which I can get into, but I think Caranthir is aro so it’s not really my main hc.

Aegnor: i mean how can you NOT ship him and Andreth??? that relationship is just….so tragic and heartbreaking and beautiful. I like the theory that Gil-galad was their child, and he was given to Orodreth to raise because Andreth couldn’t care for an elfling and Aegnor couldn’t publicly claim a son out of wedlock. But also verses where they are just tragically pining after one another are beautiful in their own way. My headcanon is that the thing keeping them apart was less about the war going on and more about Aegnor fearing to lose her - but then he actually dies before her, and Andreth has to live with that pain. (idk if that works out timeline wise but. yeah)

Galadriel: Meladriel is very good and I enjoy that - I’ve also seen some great Galadriel/Luthien and even a Galadriel/Feanor fic I enjoyed. BUT overall i really love that she chose to marry Celeborn, a wise “dark elf” even when she’s completely out of his league - he balances her very well, and I don’t buy depictions of her walking all over him. she cares about him and he’s really good for her!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Finrod: I ship Finrod/Turgon but also WHAT a great friendship they have!! I love that they go adventuring together :) And Finrod, Maedhros, and Fingon are so fun to imagine growing up together! Plus there’s his relationship with his nephew Orodreth, who he clearly adores, and also the fact that he’s still buddies with the Feanorians even after the first kinslaying (at Alqualonde! his home! where his mom is from!) and he’s so excited to meet new people from the Sindar to the Edain to the Dwarves. Finrod’s just EVERYONE’S friend and i appreciate that!!

Angrod: ….what if he and Caranthir used to be really close, like they are similar ages and grew up together, but then Something Happened and they started hating each other later on. that would be Very fun. also, he and Aegnor were lords together over the same land and died together, which implies they were very close - close like Celegorm and Curufin!

Aegnor: Again, he and Angrod were Best Bros which is great. I also think he’s probably beloved by Andreth’s people, he’s just this huge elf man they all kind of adopted and he’s so honored that they love him so much!

Galadriel: Melian!! obviously!! she stayed in Doriath specifically to learn from her, which is super neat. and then Gandalf in the later ages, i love whatever they have going on in the movies especially. i also think she and Celebrimbor had a weird rival-friendship i the second age, they’re both geniuses but from opposite sides of the family feud…except the family feud has killed pretty much everyone BUT them, so they come together to mourn that.

My unpopular opinion about this character

(this turned into more of ‘what are their negative personality traits’ than ‘unpopular opinions’ but whatever…)

Finrod: i’m sure he did his best but….when he was king of nargothrond he was still gallivanting all over the place. orodreth was probably More In Charge from before he was officially king…

Angrod: he’s a grade-A asshole. just a dick. mean as shit and holds grudges forever. really annoying to be around.

Aegnor: a dumbass. always listens to his heart and gets in trouble for it, until the one time he listens to his head and regrets it forever.

Galadriel: would make an EXCELLENT villain. ‘all shall love me and despair’ ? come on yall. if it had been HER versus sauron instead of Finrod (and…considering she was probably friends with Luthien, it very well could have been) i think she may have won, and im just imagining Sauron working for her, and the second and third ages going very differently with her being a Queen who everyone loves until they look back and realize she’s been corrupted and turned evil.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

so i think canon did mostly a good job with them SO some of these are some AUs!!!

Finrod: …if he had managed to convince Celegorm and Curufin to help with the Silmaril quest–the war could have ended before the Nirnaeth, maybe. or at least gone very differently.

Angrod: im gonna physically fight tolkien over giving us practically NOTHING on the wives of various characters - tell me more about Eldalote you coward!!!!

Aegnor: JUST MARRY ANDRETH PLEASE. i’m a slut for interspecies relationships and the fact that this one is male elf/female human is SO good and frankly unprecedented in Tolkien’s works. PLEASE i need more!!!

Galadriel: FUCK that evil!Artanis AU would be REALLY cool and sexy, wouldn’t it?

[ladyfogg]

Savages

Savages

Fic Summary: Your nightly rave receives a surprise visitor when Jerome himself stops by asking questions about his brother. Valeska Oneshots.

Fic Song: Savages by Marina and the Diamonds

Fic Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Jerome Valeska/Female Reader, Jeremiah Valeska/Female Reader

Warnings: Smut

It’s all bullshit.

Life. Friends. Family. In the grand scheme of things nothing really matters. Humans at their core are animals, plain and simple. It's a lesson you learned long ago by a very special friend.

The bass shakes the building, and you can’t help but smirk as you stare over the crowd. They’re lost in their own world, gyrating to the music and drugs pumping in their systems.

Leaving your perch, you make your rounds. Everyone knows who you are, your reputation solidified for several years now. During the meet and greets, for a brief moment, you catch a familiar face in the crowd. But then someone passes in front of you and it's gone.

Smirking to yourself, you keep walking. You had a feeling he'd show up sooner or later. Moving away from the dancers, you make another quick scan of the crowd before turning your back on them. You make your way to one of the private rooms off to the side, waiting for him to corner you.

There’s a flash of red hair and then suddenly you’re pressed against the wall, Jerome’s scarred face illuminated by the strobe lights. “Hey, doll face,” he grins. “Miss me?”

“I wondered when you'd come looking for me,” you grin, leaning back. “Took you long enough.”

“Well when you left the circus I couldn't exactly keep our monthly appointments,” Jerome says. He casually rests one hand on the wall next to you.

“So why seek me out now?”

Jerome's scars twitch as he gives you a wide grin. “Old times sake,” he says. “Think you're up for it?”

You reach behind you to turn the doorknob of your reserved room. “After you.”

Jerome pushes into the small space, dragging you with him. As soon as the door's closed, you're shoved against it, his body lining yours.

“You have something I want,” he says in a low dangerous voice. You feel the barrel of a gun dig into your side. “And I think you know what it is.”

Carefully, you arch your back to puff out your tits, the low cut of your blouse giving Jerome a full view. “You know you don't have to threaten me for sex,” you remind him. “I was always very willing to bump uglies with you.”

Jerome chuckles, tucking your hair behind your ear with his gloved hand. “That's not what I mean,” he says. He brings the gun up to press it into your temple. “Where is he?”

“Where's who?”

Jerome's smile fades and he seizes your chin, cocking the gun. “Him.”

Jaw clenched, you glare. “Wasn't he with you?”

“He skipped out right around the time you did,” Jerome says. “And I always suspected you two were closer than you let on. So…” He jams the gun harder into your skin and leans in so his dry lips brush yours. “Where's my brother?”

The dynamic between Jerome and Jeremiah had always been tumultuous at best. They competed for everything. Jerome was more brazen than Jeremiah, but they had been pitted against each other by their mother ever since they were kids.

“I was always closer to you than I was to him,” you correct Jerome. “I didn't even know he left Haly's. Haven't spoken to him in years.”

Jerome studies you for a moment, jamming his thumb under your chin to tilt your face up toward his. His serious face lights up with amusement and he laughs.

“I forgot what a good liar you are,” he says.

You blink up at him for a moment, before you smile too. “Hey, had to try,” you shrug. “By the way, you can put the gun away. I'll tell you what I know.”

Jerome lowers the gun and turns away with a spin. “Knew I could count on you,” he says. He collapses onto the crescent couch, waving you on with his weapon. “Spill.”

“He goes by Xander Wilde now,” you say, pushing off the door. “Does some architect work for the city.”

“And?”

“And what? That's all I know,” you say. “He's made it impossible for anyone to have a face to face meeting with him. All communication goes through his proxy.”

Jerome scratches his chin with his pistol, deep in thought. “Always too smart for his own good,” he says.

You stroll forward, straddling his waist as you lower yourself onto his lap. Jerome looks amused, leaning his head back to grin up at you.

“But I know where you can go to get his attention,” you purr. “His company isn't too far from here. You go there and make a scene and he'll have to come out of hiding. Especially if the GCPD get involved.”

Jerome cups the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair as he pulls you down. His mouth bypasses yours and he whispers in your ear. “And why should I trust you?” The tip of the gun presses into your neck.

“If you didn't, I'd be dead already.”

You roll your hips downward and feel his cock give a curious twitch.

Jerome laughs, yanking your head back so your neck is fully exposed. “I've missed this.”

The next thing you know his mouth is latched onto your throat, biting and sucking the sensitive flesh as his gun drops to the floor. His hands grasp and roam your body before they hurry to pull your skirt up.

You moan and grind against him, feeling yourself get wet. It has been so long since he's touched you, you've forgotten what it feels like. Pleasure always tinged with pain.

Hurriedly, you reach down to unzip his pants and slip your hand into them. His cock hardens against your palm as you pull him out.

Jerome laughs between bites, mouth still busy with your neck. His hands grab your ass, squeezing hard as he lifts you up. He yanks your panties to the side and you line yourself up until his tip rubs your slit.

“Always so eager,” he comments, then pushes into you.

Jerome was never one for foreplay. You suspect he likes to see the flash of pain across your face as you struggle to adjust to the sudden intrusion. Your hands fall to his shoulders as you ride him, his thick cock stretching you so deliciously. Jerome's mouth remains turned up into a sneer as he keeps his hands firmly planted on your ass.

“Do you remember that time he caught us?” he asks casually, seemingly unfazed by the fact that he's having sex. “He was so furious. I couldn't stop laughing.”

“When do you ever stop laughing?” you pant.

Jerome cackles, thrusting harder. “Never.”

You close your eyes and lose yourself in the sensation, head falling back in bliss.

It doesn't last long. Between the intensity of the situation and the urgency of his intentions, Jerome fucks you hard until he starts to grunt. Remembering what that means, you pull off just as he finishes, his jizz spilling into the dirty floor.

“What a waste,” Jerome tuts.

Still panting, you grin. “Forgot how fun that is,” you say.

Jerome laughs and practically tosses you onto the couch next to him. “Hate to fuck and run, but I've got stuff to do,” he says, tucking himself back into his pants. He scoops the gun off the floor and points it at you. “And one more thing…”

He pulls the trigger and fires a shot directly into the wall next to your head. You flinch away with a shout, heart dropping at the unexpected sound. Jerome is suddenly on you again, yanking your head back to whisper into your ringing ear.

“If you talk to him, let him know his brother really misses him.”

He buries his nose in your hair, inhaling your scent before pulling away. A second later, he's gone.

Shaking, you take a view deep breaths before pulling yourself together. The bumping of the bass does little to calm your racing heart. You leave the private room, snapping at your employees not to bother you as you make a beeline for your office.

Once inside, you slam the door and lock it behind you. Closing your eyes, you take a few deep breaths, but they don't help. You stroll over to your desk, rummaging around until you find a bottle of whiskey. You pour a few fingers into a dirty glass and down half of it in one gulp.

The security monitors are your only source of light and your eyes are drawn to them, immediately looking for signs of Jerome. You see him leaving through the back door and take another long drink. It's not until he climbs into a van that you finally let out a shaky exhale.

Behind you, there's the sound of the floorboards creaking and then a soft voice says. “I take it things went according to plan.”

You put your cup down and nod. “Perfectly.”

Glancing over your shoulder, you watch Jeremiah step from the shadow, adjusting his round glasses. With gentle hands, he reaches out to touch the fresh bruises on your neck. You sigh, leaning back against his warmth.

“I always hated when he marked you,” he says.

With a smile, you turn in his arms and pull him into a kiss. Jeremiah's hands cup your face, lips massaging yours with practiced ease as his tongue pushes past your lips.

Kissing him now is just as thrilling as it was the first time. Back during your circus days, you and Jeremiah had been drawn to each other almost instantly. But Jerome's interest kept you from acting on your feelings. The second you left however, there was nothing stopping you. That first kiss meant the world to you. It was the moment you knew you'd do anything for him. Anything.

Jeremiah lifts you onto the desk, kissing you hungrily as his fingers hurry to undo the buttons on your blouse. “You did well,” he mumbles. “Soon we'll be rid of him for good.”

You run your hand through his perfectly combed hair, messing it up in the process. “Less talking,” you say. “I didn't get to come.”

Jeremiah smiles. “Let's fix that.”

Clothes are stripped off and tossed onto the floor until you're both naked. You wrap your fingers around Jeremiah's cock, pumping him with quick, sure strokes. Bending forward, you take him into your mouth, needing to taste him.

Being with Jerome had been difficult. You had sworn yourself to Jeremiah so long ago, it felt wrong to let Jerome touch you again. But Jeremiah had insisted you act like you would have back then and you didn't want to disappoint him.

Jeremiah hums in appreciation as your head bobs up and down on his cock. For someone who is normally quiet, during sex it's different. He's different. It's one of the few times he shows just how much you mean to him.

He pulls you off, yanking you into a filthy kiss before his mouth trails down your cheek to your neck. He kisses the bruises caused by his brother, while his fingers slide between your spread legs. You gasp as he circles your clit, putting just the right amount of pressure to make you squirm.

“Did he cum in you?” he asks.

You shake your head, trapping Jeremiah against you with your knees. “No. You know only you're allowed to.”

Cradling the back of your head, Jeremiah looks deep into your eyes, mouth twitching up into a slow grin. He slides his cock into you at an agonizingly slow pace. He always goes slow to start. You know it's so you'll feel every glorious inch of him and each time it takes your breath away.

He fucks you with deep, meaningful thrusts, the desk scraping against the wooden floor. You cling to him, taking his face in your hands to pull him into another kiss. Jeremiah lays you down across the desk, covering your body with his own.

The world dissolves away, and you lose focus on anything that isn't Jeremiah. His scent and body surround you, invading your senses. If you could stay this way forever, you would.

He slips his hand between your bodies and his fingers find your clit again, rubbing slow lazy circles. You jerk and moan, chanting his name as your body races toward completion.

Jeremiah pulls back slightly to look into your eyes, his hair falling into his face. His normally soft features harden into a possessive smile. His pupils are blown wide with desire and he doesn't take his eyes off you as you finally succumb to the pleasure.

You cum with a loud moan, back arched as your body locks in place. Jeremiah pumps into you harder now, control gone as he too races to the finish line. When he cums, he empties himself into you, fucking his way through his orgasm until he's spent.

Only then does he collapse, leaving you both in a sweaty, heaving mass of limbs. Jeremiah rolls onto his side, bringing you with him.

As your heart rate slows down, he cups your cheek, forcing you to open your bleary eyes. “I want you to come back home with me,” he orders. “It's too dangerous now that he knows where you are.”

“Okay,” you say, snuggling closer. “Whatever you say.”

Jeremiah strokes your hair, nuzzling your forehead. “And when this is all over, you'll be only mine,” he declares. “Once and for all.”

“Only yours.”

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Our Father, Who Aren't in Heaven (15x08)

I'm screaming.

Cons:

Buckleming episodes usually piss me off, but this one was actually really great. It was still plagued with the same pacing problems I always see in their episodes, though. A lot of great stuff happened here, but it didn't necessarily have a ton of room to breathe. Some of it did - the Cas and Dean stuff, the Michael and Adam stuff. And maybe that's the most important. But it might have been nice to have a longer beat with Rowena, or a bit more buildup with Eileen and the case. For an episode written by these two chuckle-fucks, though, I'm honestly really, really impressed.

Donatello is an okay-ish character, but his presence here felt mostly unnecessary. Didn't we have enough to juggle, without introducing him into the mix? Eileen, Cas, Rowena, Chuck, Michael, Adam... there's a lot going on here. It probably could have been done without him.

Pros:

I really don't know where to start, so let's start with Eileen. Just the fact that she's in this episode warms me from head to toe. She's... actually in the show. She's here, in the mid-season finale, where important Plot Stuff is happening. She's a real player in events, and after she came back from the dead, she stuck around in the bunker. Like she's... really in the show, you guys. Three episodes in a row!

On a more specific note, I love that Sam followed her and Eileen called him out on it... this could have been really creepy but I think they played it right. Eileen died and came back to life, and Sam is just starting to develop this relationship with her. It makes sense that he might be a little overbearing. And Eileen's reaction was pitch-perfect. She's a little annoyed, a little amused, but also maybe a little touched? And Sam takes the criticism to heart, realizing that he's probably overstepped. Later, when Eileen has a case that she needs to go on, to help an old friend, she goes to Sam and tells him, and he tags along. This seems like a good arrangement - Eileen isn't being stupid and running off by herself for no reason, but Sam is also respecting her boundaries and letting her approach him if and when she wants help with something.

We've also got Dean giving his seal of approval to the relationship, telling Sam that if he wants to do the family and relationship thing, Eileen is probably a good way of going about that. She's a hunter, she gets the life. And, as Dean says... Sam could do a lot worse. And Eileen could do so, so much better. I honestly think this little conversation was important to include. It's not like Sam needs Dean's blessing to start a relationship with Eileen, but... let's be honest, guys. Yes he does. Not literally, but can you really imagine either of the Winchester brothers being able to foster a healthy and lasting relationship with someone who didn't meet the other brother's approval? The codependency issues here are clear, and not to be discounted.

So then let's move on to Rowena. I loved her return here. It was totally unexpected, and totally brilliant. As I mentioned above, I really could have used more of her. The brief moment where Sam wants to hash out their last moments, and Rowena brushes him off, could have felt weightier. But the fact that we even got to see her again was such a gift. And what a natural end for her character! Queen of Hell. It fits, especially since I think we've pretty much confirmed that we won't be seeing Crowley again before the end. She got to show up looking like a boss-ass bitch, save Sam, Dean, and Castiel from getting their asses handed to them, shout orders, try to help them find Michael, assert her dominance and her happiness in her new role, and even try to kick Dean and Cas into gear, as she notices that they're clearly in some sort of "tiff." As brief as her return was, it certainly packed a punch, and I loved it so very much.

Cas and Dean's strained relationship right now is giving me life. This is the most Destiel-adjacent content we've gotten since Season Eight, and with the two of them returning to Purgatory, we're bound to get a lot of material in the new year, as well. The thing that I like so much about their story arc this season is that... there is a story arc. Dean has been cruel and dismissive of Cas in the past, and Cas has made mistakes, and circumstances have conspired to keep Castiel out of episodes as he goes off on his own quests... none of this is strictly new. But what is new is the narrative weight being placed on it. This is a slow-burn conflict that's going to have to have meaty screen-time to resolve. They had a serious fight, and it's actually affecting both of them in their actions.

Both Jensen and Misha are pulling out all the stops in giving this conflict the weight it deserves. There are so many delicious moments. They make their plans and discuss their options, but they can't even meet each other's eyes. There's the moment after Cas forces Michael to confront the truth, and Dean comes in and says "maybe you went too far." It's a gentle remonstrance, and he's clearly trying not to ruffle Cas' feathers. I loved the way Jensen played that, like he needed to talk to Cas about what went down, but he wanted to be careful not to antagonize him. When Rowena confronts them, they both do the typical thing of pretending everything's fine, still refusing to look at each other.

But the moment where my heart just squeezed in my chest was obviously when Dean cut his hand in order to do the spell to get to Hell, and Cas healed him, his hand hovering over Dean's fist without touching. Dean's hand unfurls and for a moment their fingers are centimeters apart, but they never touch. Many a meta has been written about the intimate way that Cas has always healed Dean, and how that juxtaposes to the way he heals other people. And in this moment, they don't touch, and it speaks volumes. I seriously have to ask the question - why was this moment in the episode? Sam could have been the one to cut his hand, or Dean could have, but then could have wrapped it up and moved on. It's not like we haven't seen Sam and Dean brush off wounds like this and ignore them before. This was a weighty, intentional moment. We lingered on it. I am alive, y'all.

Now let's turn to Adam/Michael. This is so amazing, and not at all what I think anyone was expecting when we found out Jake Abel was returning. Sure, Adam is a little pissed off at his brothers for leaving him in the cage, and sure Michael is still going on and on about being God's favorite, but even as so much has stagnated for these two characters, we've also learned what they've been up to in the cage for the past decade. They've made an arrangement. Only one body, but two brains... so they agree to share, more or less peacefully. Sam and Dean were shocked when Michael let Adam come to the forefront to say hi to his brothers. But the two of them seem to be... buddies. Adam is able to speak freely to Michael, to express his opinion that the Winchesters might have a point. Even though Michael can't quite listen to him in this instance, it's clear that he gives real consideration to Adam's opinions.

Adam was introduced on this show such a long time ago, and it would have felt disingenuous and annoying if we'd spent too long on the whole "you let me rot in hell" business. Of course that's something Adam would be thinking about, but it's not like Sam and Dean really knew him all that well. He doesn't seem to place much weight on his status as their brother, and I can't really blame him for that. He's had to forge his own path, and he's done so by becoming friends with the angel who is possessing him. I love that glow-up for Adam.

And Michael... he has to have his heart broken the same way Sam did when he found out that Chuck has been playing them all along. I loved the moment when Cas forcefully made him confront the truth, because of course it was too much, of course it was overwhelming, but ultimately it pushed him to understand that his loyalty to God is not worth the pain and suffering he's been through. And so, in much the way that Chuck knew how to cage Amara, Michael knows how to cage Chuck. He's willing to help by passing that information along. It's a spell, of course. And the most vital ingredient is something that can only be found in Purgatory. What with Sam and Eileen dealing with Chuck elsewhere, it's going to be up to Cas and Dean. They must return to the place where their epic romance really took off and began to slowly murder us all!

Chuck has Eileen and Sam right where he wants them, and even worse, Dean and Cas don't know. This is going to create great drama, as well as opportunities for our two couples (shut up and let me have this) to spend time together as we go in to the back half of the season. My heart is really starting to break, thinking about how little time we have left with this show!

I feel like this review could get out of hand very quickly. In many ways, this felt understated for a mid-season finale. Nobody died, the status quo didn't really shift all that much. But I actually liked it better for all that. Things are in motion. Character dynamics are being explored. This is a good season of Supernatural, y'all. Fingers crossed they can stick the landing!

9/10

[drewinator23]

FE3H MBTI [Dimitri — ISFJ]

lol so. it looks like a lot of people are subscribing to the idea that dimitri is an ENFJ, in contrast to edelgard, who is supposedly an ENTJ. i believe that misses the point of these characters — and their dynamic — almost entirely, especially in dimitri’s case. while i will say i think edelgard is an INTJ, at least that isn’t too far off from ENTJ. the cognitive difference between ISFJ and ENFJ though...oh boy, where do i start.

the whole dimitri/edelgard conflict isn’t so much a clash between Fe and Te as it is a clash between Si and Ni — with dimitri, of course, representing the former. Fe vs Te does come into play a little (ISFJ’s auxiliary Fe vs INTJ’s auxiliary Te), but i honestly think the main focus of their clash is the past vs future dynamic typical of Si/Ni conflict.

ISFP seems to be a popular choice for dimitri too, but tbh i think a lot of people are mistaking his Si for Fi. i just want to say, right now, that this man...does not have Fi. lol. not in his main functions anyway (yes i will be getting into shadow functions, and cognitive loops, and all that good stuff, so if that’s not your cup of tea then here’s your warning!) ...but yeah let’s get into it.

Dominant Si 

“I must never forget that day. I must never allow their deaths to be forgotten.”

dimitri has a very strong connection to the past. and this doesn’t just apply to his past, but to the concept of the past in general. in stark contrast to edelgard, dimitri vehemently believes in “preserving what deserves to be preserved,” which is an important factor in why his methods are far less radical than hers. he believes it’s possible to improve the system currently in place without tearing it from the ground up the way edelgard does. he places a lot more focus on honoring the fallen, on reminiscing about days gone by, and on respecting tradition in general. and this isn’t to say he’s a dense fuck. dimitri is very much capable of criticizing tradition where it’s due, and we see him do this on multiple occasions. it’s just that he has a lot more appreciation for the positive aspects of tradition/“the past” which edelgard seems to ignore completely. where edelgard wishes her “worthless dreams of the past” would go away, dimitri legit admits to relying on his headaches/nightmares of the past as reminders because he is genuinely afraid to forget the faces of those he “let die,” along with those he killed. he believes forgetting their faces would be an insult to their memory. he talks about his history with edelgard far more than she talks about her history with him. he becomes furious when edelgard’s forces attack the holy tomb and “desecrate the dead.” i think you guys get where i’m going with this. while it’s true that a substantial amount of dimitri’s connection to the past is unhealthy, that’s largely due to the trauma he suffers, along with the cognitive imbalance stemming from his Si-Ti loop. obsessing over the past the way dimitri does is far more indicative of an unhealthy Si user than it is of shadow Si, which is more likely to just abandon the past altogether...or uh, “trample the past underfoot” (looking at you, hegemon edelgard). 

“I owe you, just as I owe the spirits of those I let die.”

second point — duty. (i’m guessing this is the point a lot of people confuse for Fi. dimtiri’s pretty preachy, yeah, but not all talk about justice is inherently rooted in Fi. more on that later though.) this guy literally constructs his entire life around the idea of fulfilling his duty, be it his duty to his father, his duty to dedue’s people, his duty to his kingdom, etc. he constantly talks about his need to fulfill these duties, and pretty much all the effort he puts into anything is driven by this. even his earlier, more light-hearted supports tend to carry a running theme of him making promises (which he takes almost comedically seriously), encouraging his classmates to be responsible, creating debts to be repaid, and so on. the only reason he even goes to the academy in the first place is, by his own admission, to fulfill what he perceives as his duty as the Sole Survivor of the Tragedy of Duscur™. obsessive revenge is a fucked up conception of duty, sure, but it transforms into something healthier by the end of the story while remaining very distinctly Si. his duty to ghosts becomes his duty to the living — to the people in his kingdom who need him now. essentially, he develops a more constructive attitude toward duty that helps both him and the people he constantly feels he “owes.” my boi snaps out of his Si-Ti loop and becomes a bro again once dat aux Fe and inf Ne come back to balance shit out, y’know what i’m saying? anyway speaking of aux Fe,

Auxiliary Fe

“This victory is the result of everyone’s hard work. Thank you, my friends.”

academy phase dimitri (and i guess uh...post-post-timeskip dimitri) is just about the nicest guy ever. he can be stiff and awkward to the point of being comically serious at times, sure (thanks dominant Si), but he’s generally very polite and agreeable. he’s conscious of the atmosphere in his conversations and always makes an effort to keep things comfortable for everyone involved. tbh he could make do with less of the whole constantly-falling-over-himself-apologizing thing, and it would be kinda cool if “sorry” didn’t make up over 90% of his dialogue, but i digress. regret is dimitri’s middle name so it kinda makes sense for it to permeate even his most mundane interactions. ANYWAY my point is — dimitri’s always trying to make sure everyone gets along and he generally prioritizes harmony over being fully honest about his own feelings, which strikes me as a lot more Fe than Fi. a simple but hopefully effective example of this is his support with flayn where he eats her awful fucking food and tells her it’s delicious even though he can’t taste it. he later admits to her that he was only saying what he thought she’d want to hear, which is like...peak Fe my dudes. a good chunk of his support and even main story dialogue involves him trying to smooth things over, prevent conflict, let people know they did a good job, and so on. and this isn’t just with respect to the other blue lions, but to the other house leaders as well. a lot of the praise he dishes out commends hard work and effort (thanks dominant Si), but his focus is also largely on teamwork and cooperation. 

“I saved someone—saved you. That and that alone has always been my crutch.”  

now on to the darker side of...not-so-healthy Fe users. dimitri openly admits to dedue that saving him gave him a reason to live, that it makes him think it was worthwhile that someone “like [him]” survived. and this savior complex doesn’t just apply to his relationship with dedue, but to his behavior and decisions in general. it’s exacerbated by the sense of genuine responsibility and duty he attaches to everything (thanks dominant Si), and it sparks up in many different ways. he admits that he feels like it’s his responsibility to help the orphans at the monastery, since he lost his family like they did. he tells byleth he wants to become like rodrigue, whom he describes as “someone who can reach out and save a lost soul.” he apologizes to byleth for not being able to save jeralt (?? BRUH.) he begs byleth to tell him how he can “save” the ghosts of his loved ones, even though they’re...you know. dead. i think this prob comes from his endless regret that he couldn’t actually stop anyone from dying in the tragedy, so he’s just obsessed with saving everyone he can now. in any case, dimitri feels the pain of loss in war very, very acutely, which is why he freaks the fuck out in remire. he later admits the flames in remire reminded him of the flames in duscur, which flung him into the same rage he associates with what happened in duscur, even though he had no particular connection to the villagers in remire. he absorbs the suffering of people around him like a sponge and surprise surprise it breaks his mind. eventually his Fe gets overloaded af and shuts down (hello Si-Ti loop), but even unhinged dimitri shows an occasional connection to others’ feelings — endearingly so when he pats a random orphan’s head, and eerily so when he sympathizes with fleche’s bloodlust and allows her to join the party because of it.

Tertiary Ti

“He’s dead. There goes our chance to gain more information.”

dimitri’s introverted realm is one of Si and Ti. he wants to reconcile his understanding of what happened in the past with a logical, substantial explanation, and he works tirelessly to find this explanation. this becomes increasingly apparent when he actually spends time alone — when he isn’t in the company of others, dimitri is far more research-oriented than he is overtly sentimental. he is interested in learning the facts of his circumstances, and he spends hours in the library looking for answers, trying to find out for himself what really happened. he is skeptical of the generally accepted “truth” that duscur itself is to blame, and instead believes that the blame foisted on it is meant to cover up something far more underhanded. of course, he is right about this, and he conducts as much research as he can to get to the bottom of the event. he spends hours in the library, late into the night. he reads about his uncle, lord arundel, and immediately suspects his involvement because the church’s records of his donations abruptly stop right before the tragedy. dimitri questions the man himself about this during their brief encounter pre-timeskip, though it (predictably) doesn’t really lead anywhere. he tries this again post-timeskip, but arundel dies before dimitri can pry too much out of him, which the latter bitterly laments. 

“That is merely the logic of the living. It’s meaningless.”

much like dimitri’s Si, his Ti becomes warped once he enters his Si-Ti loop — feeding into a harsh, twisted, self-deprecating sort of logic that only reinforces itself and ignores other viewpoints (thanks to Fe and Ne shutting down). he becomes uncharacteristically blunt and critical, and the colder, more cynical view of the world we see glimpses of pre-timeskip becomes far more pronounced. in his mind, it doesn’t make sense for the living to move on in hopes of appeasing the dead. turning a blind eye to the dead is blasphemous, and anyone who believes that the dead would want the living to do so is merely adopting “the logic of the living” — a delusion to make themselves feel better. this belief likely helps him rationalize his own desire for revenge, and inability to let go of his past, and so the Si-Ti loop reinforces itself. to reiterate though, dimitri’s Ti is incredibly helpful and constructive when he isn’t loopy (ahahah. get it.) but anyway yeah, in short, his analytical process is typically far more introverted than the sensitive, emotion-focused approach he maintains externally. also, his attention to detail and refusal to accept things at face value are more subtle, covert elements of his personality, but they are definitely there. it’s not as pronounced as claude’s auxiliary Ti, sure, but tertiary Ti ain’t a force to be reckoned with either.

Inferior Ne

“Lineage, race, faith, ideologies... If we could just accept each other and make mutual concessions, one step at a time... Perhaps... Who knows if that’s even possible.”

again, this is one of claude’s functions but more baby. take upside down man’s dominant Ne and make it a bit smoller, more scared, and quicker to shut down. inferior Ne is brilliant, but unfortunately the fourth function tends to be one of insecurity. dimitri aspires to be open-minded and accepting (there’s a reason the inferior function is sometimes called the aspirational function), but it’s something he admittedly struggles with at times. he believes in compromise and understanding, and not just in an Fe way — dimitri advocates for reaching out to other perspectives in war, in politics, and in various other contexts throughout the story. it isn’t the first thing on his mind, but it’s an ideal he genuinely admires. and later in the game, once he snaps out of his loop (which is inherently tunnel-visioned due to its introverted nature), he opens up to the idea again and seeks to understand edelgard’s point of view. he asks to speak with her, to get a better idea of where she’s coming from, to negotiate and hopefully reach a mutual understanding. this echoes his dialogue in chapter 3, where he laments the incident with lord lonato and expresses his belief that they shouldn’t have cut him down, but talked to him instead. dimitri’s Si-Ti loop effectively shuts this desire down, for a very long time, but it finally wakes up again once byleth reminds him “there must be another way.”

“I wonder which is best, Professor... To cut away that which is unacceptable, or to find a way to accept it anyway.”

again, as long as byleth is there to steer him back on track, we all know the answer dimitri gets to this in the end. there is always an air of uncertainty about it all — and he definitely needs someone to help kick that inferior into “aspirational mode” — but he is ultimately capable of it. it begins as more of a question than anything, but with guidance it becomes an ideal he can properly believe in and seek for himself. it’s what allows him to finally reach for edelgard’s hand in the end. once he accepts the parts of himself he previously couldn’t, he finds himself able to accept edelgard as well — to extend that same mercy to her. once he’s out of his loop, he doesn’t just regain awareness of his loved ones’ needs with Fe, but becomes invested in understanding their perspectives and motivations again with Ne. he listens to people again, lets them help him, asks them questions, and shows genuine curiosity in their answers. claude would be proud eh?

Shadow Functions

okay here we go. i’m going to make this part shorter since it’s the main functions that matter most, and i know not everyone subscribes to the idea of shadow functions. but anyway here’s the dirt.

Opposing Se

“It’s not that I have grown weary...more that I find it difficult to be around everyone at the moment.”

this man literally cannot taste food. do i even need to elaborate? okay for real though, dimitri often finds it hard to remain present. he’s often caught up in his duties with Si, or worrying about the atmosphere with Fe, or stuck in his research with Ti, and so on. he is very much capable of making pleasant conversation, but actually feeling present is very difficult for him, and he even goes so far as to describe joy as “fleeting.” he struggles to enjoy festivities, claiming they “don’t suit [him],” and prefers instead to chat with byleth about his childhood. he can’t truly enjoy the meals he eats with others, but he remarks about the dishes he “used to love as a child.” trauma aside, dimitri finds genuine comfort in reminiscing about the past, and he often brings it up in his conversations with others. this is a classic dynamic between dominant Si and the opposing Se that comes along with it.

Critic Fi

“Whatever my feelings, it is all the act of a monster.”

dimitri’s personal feelings are...very, very low on his priority list. and despite all his preaching, he ultimately believes that whatever his personal moral compass may be, it doesn’t justify his actions. and he extends this belief to everyone else as well. simply put, dimitri doesn’t think any set of ideals or morals can justify the actions committed in war. as Aleczandxr words it, “the only reality of war is tragedy for him. there is no such thing as a ‘glorious’ or ‘romantic’ death, and sacrifice is blasphemy.” this is evident in his disgust at people trying to glorify glenn’s death (which dimitri ironically shares with felix — who of course has demon Fi — but that’s a topic for another time.) no subjective concept of morality could possibly justify murder, in any context, and this belief is a burden dimitri admits he believes he will carry forever. dimitri’s introverted realm is a reconciliation between Si and Ti, not Si and Fi. although he believes this should apply to everyone in theory, he often struggles to voice it outright, leading to the hypocritical dynamic that often comes with auxiliary Fe and critic Fi. an example of this is when he tells ashe not to beat himself up for what happened with lord lonato, in an attempt to comfort him, but then proceeds to beat himself up for the exact same thing as soon as ashe leaves. furthermore, the advice he gives marianne in his support with her is to understand that she doesn’t have to “force [her]self to smile as [her] soul bleeds,” though that is exactly what he does for the majority of the academy phase. in any case, the fact that he chooses to give her this specific advice, of all things, is telling.

Trickster Te

“I do not want you to die a death like that. Not even for the sake of loyalty or duty.”

dimitri struggles with efficiency. his intense loathing of sacrifice, regardless of context, makes it very difficult for him to strategize as a commander the way that edelgard does. his rational side is, for the most part, internal; he uses it for his research, his theorizing, his personal endeavors to obtain more information and better understand his circumstances. but he struggles to apply that same level of cold, hard logic while commanding his troops, especially in battle. this comes up in his support with ingrid, who remarks that any good king innately understands some of his soldiers’ lives must be sacrificed for the greater good. she then proceeds to call dimitri’s ideals soft-hearted, which is as good an encapsulation as any of how his Te compares to edelgard’s. war and battlefields aside, dimitri struggles with being harsh in general, preferring to speak to others in softer, more personal terms rather than being blunt. he translates his Ti findings into “acceptable” Fe terms, except for when he enters a loop and said Fe shuts down. during these phases, dimitri is harsh in a manner far more characteristic of “unfiltered” Ti than it is of unrestrained Te, as he snaps at others to leave him alone more than he is inclined to order them around.

Demon Ni

“Do I have the right to live for myself?”

as soon as dimitri snaps out of his Si-Ti revenge craze, his first instinct is to ask who or what he should live for now. and even after byleth tells him to live for what he believes in, it’s very clear in dimitri’s subsequent supports that “what he believes in” is still fulfilling his duty to his kingdom. the difference is that he now has a healthier conception of said duty, and is finally open to accepting his loved ones’ support. that said, he has never been naturally inclined to follow his more personal desires, plainly admitting that he has rarely — if ever — given his own dreams any thought. furthermore, he struggles considerably with looking toward the future, and is unable to do so without byleth, who needs to physically stop him from looking back and guide him onward in the final cutscene. even at his healthiest, dimitri is a defender of the past. he criticizes edelgard by asking her if she would really force people to “throw their lives away for the future,” and warns her that regardless of how strongly she believes in her vision, the future she creates will be “built on a foundation of tears.” this is because he understands, better than most, just how critical the past can be in any individual’s life.

Conclusion

the internet needs to stop hating Si and just let characters be well-written “and Si” at the same time lol. especially in such obvious, practically textbook cases of high Si. one of the most common arguments against Si dimitri is that his devotion to the past is only caused by his trauma, and “isn’t the real him.” the fact of the matter is, dimitri’s Si manifests in so much more than just his duty to avenge the fallen. it plays a huge role in so many other elements of his personality, as do the other functions that come with being an ISFJ. i’m tired of these implications that Ni is some inherently higher, “healthier” form of being lying under literally any indication of Si, which automatically gets discarded as trauma or something lmao. c’mon guys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thewolfisawake]

Critical Role

Favorite character:

In CR1, Percy and Scanlan. And gonna sound so hipster but I did legitimately like Percy prior to the Briarwood arc. I liked his place as the more subdued person that didn’t need fanfare for his support. And then I was scared and intrigued when he was more...forthcoming in that arc since he was quieter before (I think I read this was also because Taliesin was bit shy starting out but got comfortable). And Scanlan, was the man I shed tears for because I kept crying ‘oh god, someone please notice. Someone HELP HIM.’ They both had some serious gut punches and their stories did shift the dynamics (of the story and the party respectively) permanently. They are also great support and yet also had some amazing solos. 

In CR2, Caleb and Fjord. I just like me some sad boys apparently. I think Caleb’s bumbling and trying to do right but struggling with doing what’s good for you so painfully relatable. As of writing this, I haven’t caught up yet but I’ve seen him make such leaps and bounds in terms of letting people in and being a support to others. I also think mechanically he’s a show of how the drawbacks like his fear can make for good moments. As for Fjord, he’s just in general how I think a moral compass or herder character can be done without irritating both the player and viewer. I mean morals of this cast is more wonky but in general Fjord seems to put forward a general ‘we all get through this’ and respect towards the team. 

Least Favorite character:

In CR1, Keyleth. And no, it’s got nothing to do with Marisha. She’s cool. I honestly felt bad for her because Keyleth had to pick up the moral slack whenever Pike wasn’t there, which was often. Some of her best moments were when she had to draw the hard line. But it was far outweighed with having this moral high horse for some reason even though they promptly do something just as low down as the ones she looked down on. Also, I feel it’s hard to do a character that is naive but also very likable so again, sorry for Marisha. 

In CR2, I like so many but I’ll go with Mollymauk. And it was a bit of a shame because he was like the one person I heard so much about. I did like that he was the one that tended to push into some of the best shenanigans I’ve listened to. However, he was just fine. There wasn’t much to push him into love him so much nor much to say I dislike him. I’m a little disappointed of not being able to know what his deal was I guess was what I would choose if I have to say what made him least favorite. 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Vax’limore - Their interactions just oozed banter and playfulness. There was no intro to how that this happened, it just jumps into their flirtations. And it was that cute banter and the real ‘I’d do anything for you, my friend’ that ended up hurting seeing Gilmore have his heart strings pulled as they did. Like if you love him, let him go. For real. Don’t dangle it in front of him like that. 

Pike/Percy - Weird thought but I thought it was pretty clear that Pike liked Percy. Everyone sees her as a stalwart beacon but she still has wants and falls off from time to time. But she tries. And she saw something within Percy that was dark and I don’t think it was necessarily ‘I want to fix him’ but ‘I want to save him.’ And Percy find a light in Pike like many do but also seeing her as just Pike.  

Perc’ahlia - I mean, it’s canon. Thing is that I can’t pinpoint a moment when it began. Just that it happened and that felt okay. I think they’re both maniacs in their own right and it’s kind of cute how they indulge each other’s passion/excitement. Gifts feels like Percy’s love language and he shows it so much in how he tinkers for Vex and her glee in what new way she can fuck shit up is enough for him. And also it’s really delicious the parallel with them and the Briarwoods and Laura has stated that if Percy had died died, that it was possible Vex end up the same kind of menace Delilah was. 

Vex/Zahra - In some other life, they would have been the femme fatale couple. All of their interactions were enjoyable and they so clearly enjoy each other. Just looking over and it’s the eyes with them.

Widobrave - Partners in crime. I think that their dynamic isn’t simple and that’s what’s so interesting. They see each other as someone to protect and don’t exactly see how the other views them as the one to be protected. And they have ‘without question’ sort of trust in each other and are genuinely awed and so happy when they witness one do something great. It gets sad with more of their backstory. And it gets me that both immediately felt guilty for keeping it a secret from them. Not the entire party, their partner. They both have seen past appearances and see the strength, the zaniness and the brilliance the other possesses and I can’t wait to get to more of their moments. 

Character I find most attractive:

CR1: Gilmore. My god he was gorgeous. Vax why did you just walk away from that? Raishan. Look, she was hot and smart and even if she fell eventually, she made the most of when she was there. 

CR2: Cali is so frickin’ adorable. Like she’s so cute and hey, if not for the whole cult chasing her thing, it’d be nice to stick around and sightsee. I am also a ‘Jester is really cute’ person.

Character I would marry:

I don’t really think there’s anyone I’d actually--well, I think maybe Pike because stronk lady that can get into mischief with but at the same time just be able to be content with.

No one in this campaign so far. 

Character I would be best friends with:

I would LIKE to be friends with Cassandra because everyone continues to ignore how this woman has been tormented and then thrust into very important position. All while harboring guilt for what she had to do to survive. The girl needs a break and I’m here with a blanket and some tea.

I would like to be friends with Nott actually. She’s really cool and I think it’s fun to let her be her zany self. 

a random thought:

So who is really credited as the inventor of firearms, Percy, who did technically make it, or Ripley, who is the one that sold the schematics to make them mass-produced? 

Is there just an abundance of mysterious magic ladies in Wildemount or what? 

An unpopular opinion:

Scanlan deserved his anger and feelings of being unappreciated. Even if he was brought back, it does not lessen that there was uncertainty nor the lack of respect towards his body. Vox Machina had gotten cocky and it drove one of their members away. Vex and Vax were the only ones that took Scanlan’s frustration to heart and did not mess up with Tary for that reason. Also Tary was a parallel of the worst of the party, which is why most of them couldn’t stand him. 

The small races are not fucking children. I don’t get why they get called children or thought of like that. They’re just short, goddammit!

My Canon OTP:

CR1: Perc’ahlia for above reasons.

CR2: None to be seen so far?

My Non-canon OTP:

CR1: Because I’m hella fucked up, I am enamored by the thought that Percy had a crush on Ripley. Because she paid attention to him, one of the younger and less interesting of his family. And to him she was brilliant and she took advantage of that, which is how he survived or why they got in. And Percy never forgot or forgave her. 

CR2: “And they were roommates” “oh god they were roommates.” * whispers * I kind of liked Fjord and Molly. They felt like foils that were amicable with each other aaaaannndddd actually had nice interactions? 

Most Badass Character:

CR1: NO MERCY PERCY

CR2: Shakaste is pretty awesome and Khary Payton is awesome. 

Most Epic Villain:

CR1: Raishan. Like I wish she could’ve been a bigger villain but alas the dice were not on her side. I think her arc was the most interesting as she was the true threat in the party’s eyes despite there being a dragon terraforming their home. 

CR2: At this point? There hasn’t been a major villain for the party.  

Pairing I am not a fan of:

I don’t really have anything I can’t ship in this one.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

Can’t really say anyone ‘screwed up’ since this is a lot of improv and all that. So I guess miss chances I think would only really be Molly since y’know, he’s dead. 

Favourite Friendship:

CR1: Pike & Grog - They’re Best Buddies, y’all. I can’t get over how much they just pal around like that’s just the usual for them. And technically it is. They can go get wasted together and then kick ass after. It’s just the casualness of their relationships and how much respect and lack of reverence that I like. Pike is just Pike to Grog so he finds no reason to hold back or hold her as a light unlike the rest of the party. But he does want to do good by her because she’s his friend and he doesn’t want to disappoint her. And Pike never insults Grog’s intellect and actively works to help him improve and deflects the party’s remarks of how he is. 

CR2: Empire Kids - They’ve come a long way from their seats of mistrust and standoff-ishness. I think there was a post that put it best that they’re ‘learning how to human.’ And because they both are at the same point of it, they are struggling together. As a result they’ve come to lean on each other to keep themselves from going to far. They’re not perfect but they’re trying to keep this found family of theirs together. 

Character I most identify with:

CR1: Keyleth. Being the one to try to keep people together or on the straight on narrow isn’t easy. It sucks and I’m not usually the person that should do it but here I am.

CR2: Caleb. I am very off-beat and odd but I do want to have friends and the like....just not stellar at showing that...

Character I wish I could be:

I mean, this is D&D where awesome shit goes on all the time. So anyone I guess?

[justtryingandshit-blog]

The Worst Date

I don’t like to discriminate but there’s a legitimate reason I don’t date South Asian guys. It’s not a strict rule and it’s certainly not because I don’t find them attractive but this date is the straw that broke the camel’s back.

It was the nearing the end of my first year at university and my friends had winded up at our usual student dive. As with many university friendship groups in first year, ours was a mish-mash of people from the halls we resided in. You would expect this group to be fairly diverse - yet I was the ‘token’ Asian girl because this group was as white as they come (their whiteness will become more apparent later on).

As expected for a weeknight, the bar was dead except for a handful of lads playing pool in the adjacent corner. They seemed slightly older, perhaps in their third or fourth year because they were minding their own business and not shamelessly ‘peacocking’ like first-year boys did. I wish I could say the same for the tipsy and attention seeking girls I was with; bored and probably a little sexually excited, one of the loudmouth girls playfully jeered at the boys, beckoning them to come over and of course, they did.

I distinctly remember sinking into my seat trying to escape the true horror of the situation; my tipsy friends tactlessly trying it on with 3 guys who we just randomly met in a bar. As it transpired, the 3 guys all turned out to be medical students. These girls had just hit the student ‘jackpot’. There were more of us than there were of them so naturally I didn’t really get involved as much, however, one of the medics happened to be Asian - cue peak whiteness. I had absolutely no initial interest in any of these guys but my friend noticed one striking similarity between myself and this random guy: we both happened to be of the same ethnicity. After an uncomfortable and slightly racist introduction for Jamal and I, we had no choice but to live through this awkward situation and talk.

Surprisingly, near the end of the night Jamal asked for my number and asked if we could go for ‘dinner’. Met with cringe inducing “ooooOOOO”’s and “aaaawwww”’s from my now very drunk flatmates, I accepted. He seemed nice.

Fast forward to date night: we had decided to go to pizza express, he was going to pick me up in ten minutes so I slipped my kitty heels on (it was Aberdeen, 2010, give me a break) and made my way downstairs. His car was already parked up, Jamal was pleasantly early. As soon as I entered the car I could sense something was slightly different to when we had first met, the mood was slightly more serious and intense, not jovial and chilled out like before. We exchanged pleasantries but the mood didn’t give me the opportunity to speak freely. As soon as we parked up outside pizza express he got out the car and walked around to my side to let me out. This is the kind of chivalry that is really intense and actually a little bit uncomfortable, however, I appreciated the gesture and stepped out. This is the fastest a date has ever declined for me, this early on.

“Ugh you’re wearing heels? What the fuck?!”

I’ve never felt so gobsmacked in my life. It should be noted that Jamal is a shorter gentleman, slightly shorter than myself - this never bothered me though, I was cool if he was. However, this was a situation I had never been confronted with - short guy syndrome. I did my best to gather myself and apologise but this had already tarnished my mood for the evening. They were kitty heels for God’s sake.

Once seated, Jamal instantly pulled out a 2-4-1 voucher to present to the waitress, something I would usually find savvy in a person but not today. I tried to make myself comfortable so that I could at least try and enjoy the evening ahead but to no avail, I was about to be interrogated. It should be noted that there can sometimes be a strange dynamic between Asian men and women from my experience: certain expectations suddenly exist, Asian men feel entitled to you, you are judged by harsher standards to white women and are almost always judged for your family, lifestyle and job prospects.

“So, why do you want to date me? Is it because I’m a doctor?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I did my best to roll my eyes but couldn’t hide the done-ness from my face.

“Erm, not really, you asked me and I thought it might be nice to go for one date at least”

“But you don’t want to date me because I’m a doctor, correct?” I’m not even embellishing his speech, this is exactly how he said it.

“No. To be honest I’m not studying medicine and if I could be arsed with it I would. Just not my bag. You have to study for years, right?”

“Mhm. So you study….Philosophy?”

“Yes”

“What do your family think of that?”

And there it was. Good old fashioned sexist Asian family values. I bit my cheeks to give me time to process everything I had just heard. He just assumed my family would be disappointed in me for studying Philosophy and not medicine, like the good Asian child he is to his parents. Luckily the food arrived at this point so I took my time replying to him.

“They’re fine with it”. Little prick.

My aubergine moussaka was thankfully delicious so all was not lost. I decided to move change the subject.

“So what do you do in your spare time?”

He mumbled something about being a football referee.  “Oh so when can I see you play?” 

This was the first occasion I’d seen him heartily bellow.

“That’s funny. I don’t think women should come to football matches. Put them in a different stadium”. 

I started shoving double spoonful's of mousaka into my mouth at this point just so I could get away sooner. A sexist Asian stereotypical football fanatic. Definitely not my bag. 

The rest of the conversation primarily comprised of small talk, nothing memorable. However, I do remember us asking each other what we looked for in an ideal man or woman.  “I like her to be skinny, pretty, straight hair, smart, good job, makes enough money but not more than me, don’t really want to her to be sporty.” I just smiled and nodded. How could this date get any worse? Then the time came to pay for the bill. Now I’m definitely not one of those women who expect a man to pay for the date but if a man like Jamal has such ludicrously sexist standards for women then I expect him to at least adhere to the basic tenants of traditional chivalry. Jamal was able to sink deeper, though. 

“So I bought the voucher along so that we could make the bill cheaper to split. My mum checks my bank statements so I don’t want her to see that I’ve been on a date.” And that was the cherry on top of the worst date of my life.  Fuck you, Jamal. 

[lorainelaneyblog]

‘The Oedipus complex may be defined as the desire, in children, to subdue punishment by seducing the parent. Opposite sex parents are indicated. There is a subtle romance between opposite sex parents and their children,’ says Freud.

‘Is that why I hate [ ]?’ asks my brother. ‘Is that why [ ] hated you?’

‘That’s different, because those are the feelings of the parent. And Loraine was going to say, say it Loraine.’

‘That a parent’s responsibility is to teach ego control by denying the passions of the child,’ Doctor Freud helps me illuminate.

‘Did [ ] really smell you? Is she bisexual?’

‘Yes, she did,’ says God. ‘And no, she is not. It was simply a human connection, and she noticed that Loraine, unlike her [ ], smelled deliciously clean, there was no infection simmering in her jeans. Gross, [ ], but true. True. I’m serious. She knew, on whatever level children know, that Loraine was as promiscuous as her [ ], but she noticed that she somehow evaded the consequences. There was no suffering around Loraine. People were happy. And her [ ] caused misery, to herself, and to her child, and to her husband.’

‘How?’

‘This is old news for Loraine, but let’s do it, Loraine, and then Freud has one more thing, Loraine, he wants to address incest in the family at large, and he has one idea that you have not thought of. You won’t believe it, Loraine.’

‘Do it now,’ says [ ].

‘I think, and this is what I think, that family has an obligation to provide sex in the absence of viable partners.’

‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. What the fuck?’

‘Yes, Loraine, and this will circumvent female promiscuity, random prostitution and the neglect of boys, and this includes close family friends. This is boring, perhaps, but God told me that you dated a German, and that there was an even cuter family friend whom you were teased about. And, he told me that you were so tortured by your respective [ ]’s over the potential relationship, that it seriously precluded love.’

‘And me too,’ says my [ ].

‘The sister.’

‘Also, tortured.’

‘This is no joke, [ ], and Loraine, this is no joke, the needs of children are paramount. Ask me.’

‘What do you make of children in cults having sex with adults? I saw an intense fear in the eyes of a child.’

‘That’s evil, Loraine. You do not put upon a child, ever. Their needs are paramount with adults, and if they are not ready, they are not initiated. What did you make of Oprah Winfrey when you heard it was her uncle.’

‘I had been briefed about uncles and other cultures by the time we spoke on the ether.’

‘There is no genetic prohibition, you heard.’

‘Right.’

‘And cousins.’

‘Yes.’

‘And almost any relationship except parents and sister and brothers, truly, and these boundaries would never be crossed. Did you play with your brother?’

‘Never. We were the best of friends.’

‘That’s how it should be and they need not, except in situations of deprivation, be supervised. They are not, not, not, drawn to each other. Never.’

‘I teased you about that, Loraine, and brothers can be, and are, chaperones for their sisters, even at the same age. And mothers and fathers entrust them with this, they do. Your father knew that your brother would never take advantage or sell you out to boys.’

‘How did he know that? ‘Cause I was a geek or something?’

‘Not at all, [ ], not at all, he witnessed your loyalty around your friends.’

‘What friends?’

‘Your little friend [ ], now [ ], was an intellectual connection, because I have a surprise for you [ ].’

‘I’m an intellectual.’

‘Wrong. Your intellect is higher than I quoted.’

‘Really? What is it, God?’

‘You know how you can ramble on, and your [ ] can’t?’

‘Yes, of course, Loraine says I’m meaner because we have a similar sense of humour, but I’m smarter. And that is true. He can’t remember punch lines, or stories, and I can, nor facts, and I can.’

‘It is true that you have only a three memory, and that is out of ten, yes, it is, yes, it is, yes, it is, but I teased you, you, [ ] are not a five billion, you are a seven billion.’

‘Wow,’ we say together.

‘What is my wife?’

‘She is a five billion, and she is very smart, and you are perfectly, perfectly, perfectly well suited, in every way, and this is why, this is why, despite that you were evil, your wife chose well, and you fell into line with a cute woman who truly desired you, without the knowledge of God.’

‘What was my evil, if I was only a one. I used [ ] or something?’

‘You did use [ ], but she was fully informed and we don’t, except erotically, infantilize women, they have equal intellects and are quite capable of processing the language of rejection, and she was no slouch. She was a five billion too.’

‘Why do you say we are equals then?’

‘As a gang bang girl, she has forty percent, your sister has forty five percent, the aptitudes of men. And this makes her an apt partner for, say it Loraine.’

‘But 50 said, you said, that gang bang boys have forty percent the aptitudes of women.’

‘I, Loraine, I, God, fucking, lied. They do not. They are all men. And that is it. Funny, huh?’

‘God is poesy,’ says Sigmund Freud. ‘You just asked, Loraine, and they were challenging your idea of a ministry, in light of the following, how do men, boys even, keep ahead of women, girls, sexually, and, in your book you describe this dynamic as an exigency of manhood, when women have access to prostitution through your ministry, but men, boys, must register every relationship.’

‘Well, the girls must register every relationship too.’

‘What?’

‘You do not see a variety of clients wholesale.’

‘You approved on the basis of each individual client.’

‘Right.’

‘But still.’

‘Exactly, they had me stymied. Boys can see prostitutes but that limits their desires, whereas girls are more attracted to older men.’

‘Exactly that, Loraine. God told me, too, that little boys pine for little girls, and their advances are met with disdain often. Often, Loraine. Girls at this age are looking for men, for initiation, they are, like it, or lump it, women want to be initiated by older men.’

‘What do you make of that I, myself, was dead set against it?’

‘You wanted an equal.’

‘I was afraid of men. But in the book, I write that older men are arguably more, not less, respectful, than cavalier boys.’

‘And, you are right, they are cavalier. They mustn’t be accepted without a fight. They mustn’t. And, I heard that you argued, in the blog, that boys may need to make a girl jealous in order to stimulate her interest.’

‘Yes, well, certainly it has been an ether argument.’

‘Okay, so you believe in the positive effects of jealousy.’

‘Yes!’

‘Why emphatic?’

‘A piece of her work you, as a therapist--’

‘I’m loving this girl, and I was satisfied on earth, and a highest intellectual myself, and was rarely, rarely, rarely, jealous of a woman. Bisexuality, how did you know?’

‘I guess it’s the one weak point for a male center. So many married low marrying women instead of peripheries who are highly engaged by women, and enjoy the eroticism of their husband’s desire for their bisexuality.’

‘Why so many?’

‘Are you sure she wasn’t a peripherie?’

‘Why?’

‘The numbers are astonishing.’

‘Why?’

‘Including the two on ones, I have fed Loraine a statistic of sixty percent female peripheries, and forty percent, male centers, they do not involve a reciprocal arrangement among women, they don’t. In Loraine’s family, 50 Cent leads the family.’

‘How is that good for men, though?’

‘Her men are highly, and I mean highly, and I mean highly, and I mean highly, promiscuous.’

‘Oh, I see. Does she feel she must put up with it, because she has so many men?’

‘That is the logical conclusion, but appropriate partners, as you know, enjoy the non monogamy, what she calls the polysexuality of their partners.’

‘Why is she so fascinated by the numbers.’

‘Because there are vastly more male centers.’

‘Oh, I see. So it precludes the emasculation of men.’

‘Exactly. Female promiscuity has been very hard on men, and, wouldn’t you agree, God, particularly the male centers?’

‘I would, Loraine. Their women are very disciplined--’

‘What do you mean by disciplined.’

‘I’m teasing you. Their desires for polysexuality rest primarily among the women in the family. And Loraine’s [ ] loves you too.’

‘I love you, Sigmund Freud.’

‘Thank you, [ ]. Why is she so special for knowing she needed a man?’

‘Because so many women segued to bisexuality, the lesbian community even, and shortchanged their desires. God told me that bisexuality is an adjunct to heterosexuality.’

‘Say that.’

‘Since women are not given to competition, what is it, Amy?’

‘It is, precisely, loyalty to the center which keeps the family together. Women left on their own, start to look for a man. It is known in polygamous families, Loraine. They whither immediately. The eroticism is gone.’

‘Who do you like better, me or him? Because I am much more promiscuous.’

‘Oh, I see. I like him then. I’m highly controllable. and I value monogamy.’

‘Why?’

‘I see myself as non threatening to men in my bisexuality.’

‘Wrong. This is the very thing we are discussing,’ says Doctor Freud. ‘I was, and it was my only weak point, jealous of female bisexuality. I knew I wanted a threesome with my wife and another woman, but she was afraid of being used for her bisexuality.’

‘This is universal,’ says Mary, Kody Brown’s first wife.

‘We have denied him, and we have denied ourselves out of that fear.’

‘Is this common in your men, Loraine.’

‘Less so.’

‘Why?’ says God.

‘They face into competition as men, and that includes both sex with men, and sharing a woman. The evil men screwed women centers, I would argue, not the goods.’

‘She’s right, again,’ says God. ‘50 Cent and his crew tried hard to include women in their bisexuality, but, believing as they did, in its essential emasculation of men, they refused.’

‘What did Loraine think?’

‘Something similar, but she took to it immediately, and was wholly unoffended.’

‘Why? From God.’

‘Because it is, it is, it is, her true, true, orientation, and she took to it, and that’s it. I said that she would, and she did. And so did [ ]’s wife, when she found out, when he came out after two long years of long distance dating, Loraine. She was crying over him, on her [ ]’s sympathetic shoulder, because she was a good [ ].’

‘Let’s talk for a minute about families with same sex children,’ says Sigmund Freud. ‘Do you think, Loraine, that the eldest [ ] in your brother’s family, for example, replicates the relationship with a man?’

‘Whoa. No. Do you?’

‘No, I don’t. Your brother was evil, and that is why she suffered. Do you think there is less comfort for the wife in this case.’

‘I think immediately of their best friends, with two [ ]’s.’

‘Oh, I see. So you go with notions often, and it leads to something.’

‘Is there more information here with respect to the sexual gratification of boys?’

‘Yes, Loraine. They don’t, don’t, don’t, just see women, adult women, because that would be depressing and emasculating.’

‘You’re so cute, Loraine, and that’s why, I realized.’

‘I think there’s something to that, Loraine. I’m reading her, and she wants to say that the lowest women desire boys. Is this true?’

‘Yes,’ says God. ‘And only boys. So, a child prostitute would have child clients, and that is the official resolution. That does not mean to say that Freud’s family and friends solution does not hold water, because it does. You are obligated, as a father, as a mother, to get your child laid when they need it. And that’s it. And, as in Oprah Winfrey’s case, sometimes the ideal partner is also a potential for marriage.’

‘What is he?’

‘A gang bang boy, Sigmund Freud. What are you arguing about, Loraine.’

‘Doctor Freud is emasculated by my potential family. And I said, I want to be cloistered from men, and I said, “I don’t need this shit from you.”’

‘Why, Loraine?’

‘Well, blandly theorizing, there is no place for either of us.’

‘You’re right. And that’s annoying. Do you think I am a twenty?’

‘There are few.’

‘There are?’

‘I think so. Jesus will not accept limits on his desires.’

‘I won’t. Even for marriage, yes. Too bad. Even on earth. Yes.’

‘Really? I thought the wives controlled it.’

‘Wrong. A central point in Loraine’s work is that men control their own sexuality and they control the sexuality of associated women.’

‘Oh, that helps Loraine. I thought you were in charge of them.’

‘Curious, in what sense, in charge?’

‘I didn’t know. I thought you bossed them like I boss my wives.’

‘Oh no. No. Women don’t lead families, except lesbians.’

‘Why is that an honoured position?’

‘I’m an incorrigible pimp and I have total control over a rampant polysexual, and that pleases me. I can give, and I can withhold.’

‘She has a knee jerk reaction to the control.’

‘She describes it as being married to your boss,’ says 50 Cent. 'And Amy talks often, with humour, about ideal submission.’

‘I’m almost not jealous anymore, and I’m going to tell you exactly why, and it will help you, and I am the highest intellectual, and a seven billion, without brain damage so I am smarter than you, and you admit, yourself, that your work is a take off on three things, where did you get chivalry?’

‘Sharon Driscoll, my psychologist. I must have been--’

‘You were. She was riffing about men opening doors and I simply validated the notion of chivalry and she was immediately comforted by it. You must realize, Loraine, that you did influence me, you did, my coldness was about not only you, but about promiscuity in men and women both. I had men, Loraine knows, but I want to tell Doctor Freud, who judged me for ostensibly making love with my husband, I could see their disgust when I mentioned my husband, and I knew. I knew. It revolted me, Loraine. And I was, I was, I was, precious. I was a sitting duck for my husband, a perfect submissive and he took full advantage of it, and only when we moved to Halifax, and I reduced my hours significantly, did I realize that it was the compensation which was lacking in our sex life. It is not only protection that has value, and Loraine emphasizes this in the book, though, neither, she says, can you undervalue protection alone, and Oprah Winfrey, with her inappropriate marriage, it has come to light that they are precise opposites.’

‘I’m more slutty than him. He’s a three.’

‘Are you proud of that?’ asks Sigmund Freud.

‘Guilty.’

‘Oh. Is Loraine guilty, God?’

‘She has promised nothing to men, and fought for polysexuality the entire time. She is exquisite in her honesty, and no man has ever suffered, nor woman either. They are, they are, they are, Sigmund Freud, fully informed.’

‘I have found, that even with women, you can screw around quite a lot if they are fully informed.’

‘My brother needs to hear this.’

‘Funny, Loraine. I’ve slept with two, and my wife has had about [ ] lovers. And I’m jealous of the men first. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. I have fulfilled my bisexuality, ever. And she has. And Loraine has. And almost everyone my [ ] knows has, and she doesn’t tell me. She lied. Through her teeth, Loraine, because it occurred to me recently that I actually asked her one day, “Is Loraine bisexual?" And it was, for sure, after age twenty nine.’

‘Why did you suspect?’

‘Promiscuity. One lands.’

‘Right, true.’

‘And she had told me that you were a little promiscuous, that’s all.’

‘That was kind.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, usually I’m a come guzzling slut.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘She is,’ says [ ] [ ]. ‘And, with [ ]’s knowledge of prostitutes, I allowed it, a weaker sex drive, none of us could understand her clear complexion.’

‘Oh, I see. Did [ ] really cheat, Loraine, and you suspected it?’

‘Yup.’

‘Why?’

‘I knew molluscum and it was a case from hell, [ ], from hell.’

‘Oh, I see. We have heard of black molluscum which originates in Bosnia. Was that it?’

‘Yes.’

‘He was travelling from Bosnia, handsome, but clearly not monogamous, not as monogamous as I thought, since you become immune to the various strains, which Loraine well knows.’

‘Truly?’

‘Oh, yes.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You stop getting visible, what they call lesions, and you are left with constant itching after every encounter with a promiscuous or prostitute.’

‘Really? And I will bring that home? [ ] knew.’

‘I knew, [ ], right away, she had perfect skin, and I was in the navy, after all. I caught that too, and worried about next to nothing, because the itching clears up in a week and the sores go away, if you leave them, in a month or two, do not, repeat, do not, squeeze them. They do not pop, they infuse.’

‘Really?’

‘And some have a white head. The best you can to it poke the white head gently with a pin so that it doesn’t look like a gross, pussy, zit.’

‘Oh, I see. And Loraine knows this.’

‘She does. She had a lot when she was with [ ], and had never had them before, so we assumed she was bare backing with a gross, idiot, cheater, which he turned out to be.’

‘Oh, I see. And what’s he?’

‘A promiscuous, high, center.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘I was dealing with random sluts and they were disgusting to me.’

‘This is interesting to me, Loraine. Did you mean to say that women were acting against their own desires in a bid to compete with men?’

‘Well said.’

‘So yeah?’

‘”In a bid to compete with men,” was, as yet. unspoken.’

‘So you knew.’

‘David Suzuki wants to speak to this,’ says God. ‘They would not, would not, would not, settle with me, and they had no good ideas why, none. They simply were enjoying their sexual power, and this is not the domain of women, to enjoy their sexual power, Loraine--’

‘What about her though?’

‘She writes extensively about both promiscuity, describing both men and women as indiscriminate.’

‘Women aren’t though.’

‘But, oh, but, they are, they are, they are, and they, under equality, and the fallacy of sexual liberation, got far, far, far, too big for their britches, and one of the fall outs of this was to deny men female bisexuality and peripheral relationships. It was. It is that, that, that, simple, and this is why you are, and most men are, disgusted by Loraine. Have you told Doctor Freud that you are the new messiah, Loraine Laney?’

‘No.’

‘She doesn’t. She forgets, and interwoven, and I see this in her, is the complete disbelief that someone with as indiscriminate a sexuality as hers, could become such a thing in the eyes of God. God prepared us for female promiscuity through Mary Magdalene, who was an early example of a woman peripherie who wholly denied her man. What do you think of that, Loraine?’

‘As the woman who paid rent, bills, and further, stipend, I don’t think much of her.’

‘She refused to help me because I was a man. It disgusted me. Because any being can be oppressed, and that is what I was. My own mother arranged for the thievery of my tools, and, as a carpenter, I would have taken a small portion of her income as a prostitute, and made good on the loan, but it pleased her more, to lord my failure over me. Loraine, despite her bitterness, did no such thing, She just paid, because she had more.’

‘Guilt?’

‘It’s a responsibility which is evidenced by guilt.’

‘You can’t have men, and expect a man to provide for you. That’s what a pimp is. You get the money.’

‘And we always did. And it was my money, and that’s the way she wanted it.’

‘As does Loraine.’

‘I was rich too, 50, it was a good life for us both. I was so famous, Loraine, for my work in incest. I soothed people with the Oedipus complex, and, when they were ready, with mature, and immature orgasm, which, as you know, gives rise to penis envy. Would you say you replicated my work?’

‘She doesn’t know, Sigmund Freud. She doesn’t. I do. And the answer to that is somewhat. She was, through one book, highly influenced by the idea of hysteria.’

‘Oh, I see. And penis envy?’

‘It is cited in the same sentence.’

‘Oh.’

‘He didn’t know, Loraine. I have teased him that you failed to cite him at all.’

‘Really?’

‘I threw his voice.’

‘Oh. I’m sorry that I didn’t reread, find the bitch again somehow, and specifically raise mature and immature orgasm. You deserved that. And women needed that.’

‘They got it, Loraine. Scholars got it right away. And they had been confused because it had become a masturbation culture. It is normal once you hit the ether to stop masturbating without your compliment, Loraine, and compliments in the case of most people. Freud wants to finish.’

‘I am, wholly now, not jealous, and I’m going to tell you why. I was under the impression that you controlled the families activities, but that is wrong, admittedly you said otherwise, but I had to learn, your men are promiscuous, I saw that as pimping, and you admit, you said that you needed your cousin’s physicality.’

‘I am strictly, strictly, strictly, forbidden from pimping, but there is talk of certain women visiting, and one was my cousin.’

‘Oh, I see. You do not choose their partners.’

‘Never.’

‘In fact, we usually go out,’ says 50 Cent. ‘We don’t want our casual relationships to influence the family.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘That was sloppy. Loraine argues that women’s need for commitment, what she describes as protection and compensation--’

‘I see.’

‘Is more conducive to the husband’s relationships remaining outside the family circle.’

‘She’s threatened then.’

‘Most women, say it better, Loraine.’

‘Women’s fear of losing their protector gives rise to a judgement on the sexuality of other women.’

‘She’s too hot.’

‘Exactly. And--’

‘I know where you’re going with this, you’re going to say women have micromanaged every detail of their husband’s sexuality, and this has given rise to a profound hatred of the language of “let.”’

‘Yes.’

‘I see. So you are hands off.’

‘Yes.’

‘And that’s what you believe.’

‘Yes.’

‘And it’s even erotic to you, even if they are hotter and younger than you.’

‘Yes.’

‘Why aren’t you threatened?’

‘Perhaps my joy supersedes my insecurity.’

‘She’s right. That is it. Loraine has got her needs met, pathetically, but earnestly, as she describes in the function of love. Read it to him, Loraine, he will love it.’

[justnotcricket]

Match Report: 21/1/17

WASTCA One-Day Div 2

Fremantle Mosman Park [6/257] def Bassendean Gold [10/174]

It was like an episode of Perfect Match from the heady days of 1980′s, the panel slid back and we finally got a chance to meet Bassendean Gold.

Having asked the question, ‘On a scale of 1-10 how reliable are you to pull together 11 men and actually show up?’.

‘50/50’, they said.

With both of us one forfeit away from being out of the competition, Dexter would rate us as 110% compatible. [The robot, not the serial killers’ serial killer…] A common mentality among the working classes is that more is more, and their answer to having a healthy squad of below average cricketers was to submit two teams, and then spend the rest of the season struggling to fill one of them. Bassendean Gold stick to the bottom of the ladder like your annoying but oddly charismatic friend with no money, but always keen to hang out, tell tall stories and drink your beer.

You know the type. You want to tell them to fuck off but they are quite nice guys, so you grow to love them.

If we lost this one, it would be a travesty. Worse. We almost did.

Our selection had less of a focus on form or qualifying players, and more on including old boys from the club’s prehistory, who were already going to be in town for ‘La Nocha del Pirata’.

Pirate Night is a Day of the Dead type ritual that involves buying a lottery ticket, dressing up as a pirate, and then drinking as much free piss as possible in the two hours. It ends only after kicking on to Mojo’s and then more rum, sodomy and the lash back at Ray’s place… this is purely speculation on my part, but the image sets the tone, so rack it up to poetic license.

Knowing how these guys drink, I’m not sure that it works as a fundraiser. Maybe the loss serves as a tax write off, or conveniently shifts the out of date stock from the bar.

Daff would be back, and also another blaster from the past, Dave Barratt.

I’d seem him at training and he looked solid. Balding, but with arresting eyes nestled above his ample beard, and a nose with more personality than the plain looking girl from a Christian youth group.

Interesting character! He reminds me of someone, like a post apocalyptic spirit guide from the Mad Max franchise, or a wily villain in Sons of Anarchy.

Which I have only heard of because I let my Dad use my Netflix account, skewing my preference algorithms to dumb action films and soft porn.

Pre game. I confused the Left Bank with the Tradewinds and went to the wrong pub. What can I say?  I don’t know my shit western suburbs pubs from my shit western suburbs pubs. Unfortunately, I was the kind of wanker who only ever only ever hung out in cool places… how times have changed!

But I’m sure it was amazing. I bet Phoenix really tore the place up. Instead, I was sweeping the pitch and installing the stumps.

I’m assuming Ray won the toss and we batted.  At the start of play they only had 7. ‘Poor bastards’, I thought, knowing exactly how it must feel.

Both Murph and I were padded up and watched in envy as Dave and Steve pushed it through the gaping holes in the field.

What we wouldn’t give to be in there now. I almost felt remorse. Almost…

Over the course of the first 10 overs, Ray became increasingly apprehensive about Steve’s run rate. What if he didn’t actually get out? What if we finished our 40 overs, none for 35? We could actually lose this…

Eventually he was bowled for 14.  His highest score for the Pirates, and a relief all round.

I went in kicked it up a bit, while trying not to get myself out. There were runs to be had today, and you take them when you can get them… if only you can keep your head down and play sensibly.

We put on 49 in 7 overs until Lewis came on, my eyes lit up, and I pulled the first ball I faced from him to square leg, where it was miraculously caught, in the one of the best catches I have ever seen in a game of cricket anywhere, ever.

He’s a nice guy, but a few biscuits short of a family assortment.  Built like a brick shit house but his sledges would come out in a thin little high-pitched voice that had the strangely opposite effect of imbuing you with more confidence.

He got a hand to it as it flew over his head popping it up into the air, then over balanced, fell to the ground and with one hand out stretched, the ball landed clean in his sweaty mitt… and stuck.

Sir, I tip my hat to you… and I told him so after the match.

Dave was now on 40 and he and Murph would add 93 before the latter was trapped LBW for 36, painfully close to a 50 and 100 run partnerships for the loss of two wickets respectively.

No glassware for you!

Batsmen were now impatient to get out there, salivating at he prospect of easy runs. Darrell was pacing like a bear in a hot concrete box at the Perth Zoo.

What a difference a week makes!

Shrugger was caught behind and walked like a gentleman, I’m talking blue label Johnny Walker-esque sportsmanship.

On a triumphant return to the club, Dave finished with an elegantly made 87.  A tragedy to not make a ton being caught only 13 from it.  More than just unlucky, the superstition continues for a very good reason, not because of alternate facts, but EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE.

Shorty was stumped, but the big men of Southam and Garrett carried the bat and put on 47 to finish with 257. Ray hit a number of big 6’s to race to 34 in what felt like only a couple of over’s, and Daff made 21 not out.

Our highest total for the season, and presumably ungettable.

I think they even ran a 2... A-mazing.

Darrell was fuming not to get a bat and Ray assured him that opening with the ball, he was bound to get a 5 for today… such was the over confidence.

After Tea, predictable for it’s deliciousness, he opened the bowling with a maiden from the pavilion end, but then went for 12 each off his next two overs. This was unheard of. Usually tighter than proverbial’s proverbial, he pulled it back the next over, but then went for 21 runs off his 5th. Exercising a duty of care, Ray had to drag him for his own good, unless he hyperventilated or exploded with rage, or something. This was potentially his first ever wicketless spell for the season; we are going to have to let him open next week, or never hear the end of it. He slipped from poll position on our champion player table to behind me by 4 points.

Man, that has to hurt...

It is uncouth to speak of intra-club rivalries, and no one enjoys seeing a teammate getting absolutely thumped. Unless of course it is Glen Speering, and only when you can still win comfortably… which is the main thing!

Young Phoenix rose from the ashes of Darrell’s fire and struck from his first ball, Santorini caught by Ray. He bowled well despite the odd wide, and eventually bowled the other opener Cottrell.

Mind you, they had put on an 80 run partnership in 10 overs in the meantime, and were starting to look dangerous, as though they might not only make the runs easily, but in a short amount of time. Like cornered tigers!

Their number 3 was a specialist T20 player from the subcontinent, Chhertri Dhiral, and he blazed, crunching his 50 with barely a single.

We should have had him but I dropped him early, which would have made for a considerably shorter game, the rest of the team made only 63 runs between them.

It also didn’t help that we dropped him another two times, once by Black Eyed Steve, and then Daff did the honour. Both made up for it by buying beers, but it may have serious repercussions for selection next week.

And who would buy the beer?

Corms got more fired up at the dropped catches than I have ever seen him, and sent off batsmen with fiery barrages of expletive, before gently apologising for being unnecessarily ill mannered. It’s always the quite ones…

Dhiral went on to make 111 and the only thing that slowed him down was the slower bowling of Ray and Murph.

It’s interesting, and seemingly counter intuitive, how these changes to the dynamic of the game have flowed in from the introduction of short format cricket.

Murph's donkey drops brought catches, and Rays tempting morsels drew them out, with Shrugger doing the stumping.

We ran through the rest if them with regularity, mostly off the bowling of Shorty who finished with figures of 4 for 29 from 5 overs.

Robbed to not be left on to take his 5 for, but as fatigue set in, he started spraying them everywhere and Ray took pity on the wicket keeper.

I took the last tail-ender LBW and they were rolled for 174, the Pirates up by 83 runs.

It was a good win, we had the runs to play with, but it could easily have gone either way.

Great to have Dave in the team, and next week we look forward to having a full complement to face the unbeaten Applecross, and continue this roller-coaster ride of emotions.

[arofili]

rare pairs exchange 2020 letter :)

Hello lovely creator, thanks for writing for me in the Rare Pairs Exchange!! I’m very excited and grateful for whatever you write me :) Here are my thoughts on the various Silm ships I requested!!

Elemmírë/Findis: Vanyarin lesbians!! I see Elemmírë as a woman (specifically a trans woman, though if you don’t want to get into the details of her gender that’s fine), and a major reason in why Findis stuck around in Aman instead of leaving with her siblings. I like the theory that Glorfindel is Findis’ son, which would make Elemmírë his other mother. But if you’d rather depict them as not together at the time of the Darkening, that would be fine too; maybe Elemmírë is upset at the thought of Findis leaving but Findis stays because she’s realized she’s in love with Elemmírë, or something like that. Elemmírë wrote a song about the Darkening, so I think focusing on that time of fear and uncertainty would be very interesting. I would like a happy ending with these two, though.

Celegorm/Dior: Look, they’re both called “the Fair,” and Celegorm was into Dior’s mom. I’d love an exploration of a fucked-up dynamic between them. I’d prefer if they know who each other are, so not identity porn. Maybe Celegorm is trying to seduce Dior into giving him the Silmaril, or Dior is trying to seduce Celegorm into not attacking Doriath, or they’re both trying to get revenge on each other for what happened surrounding Lúthien, or whatever. Rivalry and hatefucking would be great. No non-con, please, not even in reference to the Celegorm and Lúthien situation, but dub-con would be delicious. “Mutually sensual murder” is about the happiest ending I can think of for these two so feel free to make it dark!

Ok here are my Finrod ships. I love Finrod as completely unashamed of his sexuality and sleeping with whoever he wants...and as a result while I’d prefer no PWP for any other ships, if Finrod’s involved, go for it! It’s what he would want! Though if you want to include some plot I would be delighted :)

Finrod/Turgon: This is my rarepair to end all rarepairs tbh. I honestly don’t know why these two are not shipped more! I am desperate for any and all content with them, I am not picky at all, I just love them. Fun times in Aman before things get dark and serious would be lovely, I think in that context their relationship would be more casual (or at least they’re trying to make it casual and that leads to hurt feelings). I’d rather not focus on their relationships with their canon love interests, mostly because I’m not a fan of stories about jealousy (also because I see both Finrod and Amarië as gay and together mostly out for convenience’s sake), but I do ship Elenwë/Amarië so those two having some sort of arrangement with Finrod and Turgon could be fun. But feel free to just ignore any of that and depict Finrod and Turgon together without their respective ladies! If you go into Beleriand times, I like: Turgon grieving Elenwë and finding solace with Finrod; whatever went down that night by the river they never wanted to talk about again; helping each other build their hidden kingdoms; Finrod sneaking into Gondolin maybe??; repressed Turgon being angsty about discovering his bisexuality and Finrod either helping him or making things more complicated; Finrod missing Turgon and trying to distract himself in Nargothrond (maybe in combination with another Finrod ship I put down?). A Beleriand-focused story that ends sadly would be fine, I do love some First Age angst. Post-reembodiment scenarios would also be great. I think that whatever the situation between Amarië and Finrod was, she’s moved on from him by the time he’s reborn; maybe she’s with Elenwë now, which would make Turgon’s life a bit easier. Or maybe Turgon can make room for both Elenwë and Finrod. If you go this route I’d prefer a happy ending. Or maybe you want to do an AU with them! Supernatural creatures? Some other fantasy setting? A space opera? Honestly the only AU I wouldn’t be interested in is a modern AU, I’m very picky with my Silm Modern AUs. Honestly like I said earlier, I would love ANY content with Finrod and Turgon, you’d make me very happy if you depicted them together!! Feel free to ignore any of the stuff I said if you’ve got a better idea!!

Celegorm/Finrod/Curufin: The Nargothrond Disaster Trio. Curufin and his pet blonds. Finrod and his pet Fëanorians. Whatever you’d like to call them, I can’t get enough of these three! I see their relationship as full of politics all the way around: Curufin is very upfront about it, Finrod tries to deny it, Celegorm sees it as secondary to the actual fun but still there. Maybe C&C think they’re seducing and manipulating Finrod, but Finrod thinks he’s seducing and manipulating C&C... Fics where Finrod gets fucked by both of them at the same time are *chef’s kiss* very good. I love short Curufin / tall Celegorm / average height Finrod. Curufin controlling the situation and then accidentally letting himself go is very fun. My favorite versions of this ship have Celegorm and Curufin using Finrod as a buffer between them, but if you wanted to include some hints of Celegorm/Curufin that would be okay, just nothing too explicit. I mean, be as explicit as you’d like where Finrod’s involved, but keep the sibling incest to a minimum, if that makes sense.

These next few fall into the category of “I have so many Maedhros ships but I also love Russingon most of all, why not ship BOTH of them with someone else?” (Also just...putting this out there...there aren’t enough fics that take advantage of Maedhros’ stump...)

Fingon/Maedhros/Finrod: Look, Maedhros and Fingon are ridiculously in love, and Finrod is a hoe, and I can’t believe there wasn’t at least one time they had a threesome. Again, Finrod getting fucked by both of them at once would be excellent. Finrod is canonically friendly with the Fëanorians in Beleriand and goes hunting with Maglor and Maedhros, maybe this is a time where it’s Fingon instead of Maglor and they fuck in the woods, or Maedhros and Fingon visit Nargothrond, or Maedhros and Finrod visit Barad Eithel, or Fingon and Finrod visit Himring. Is this a planned encounter? Something spontaneous? Is Finrod seducing them both, or are they inviting him in? Did Maedhros and Finrod have a fling in Valinor, or did Finrod and Fingon find comfort together on the Ice, or both? I’d love to see where you take this!

Fingon/Maedhros/Mairon: Okay I love how many possibilities there are for this ship. I’d like it to be mostly consensual - feel free to redeem Mairon, make Melkor irredeemable, etc, whatever you need to do to get there. Does Mairon have a soft spot for Maedhros as a prisoner in Angband, and he’s relieved/helpful when Fingon comes to rescue him? Is it an AU where Fingon gets captured trying rescue Maedhros and Mairon helps them break out? Or an AU where Fingon is imprisoned after the Nírnaeth instead of killed, and Maedhros manipulates Mairon into helping him rescue Fingon? I would prefer not to have a dark!Maedhros in this, but maybe he pretends to break under torture and he gets “rewarded” with a lordship in Angband and he and Mairon scheme to overthrow Morgoth. Basically, Maedhros and Mairon have something weird and fucked up going on but Maedhros is always going to prioritize Fingon, and Mairon and Fingon have to deal with both of them being involved with Maedhros. Does Mairon break with Melkor, or does he stick with his abusive master/lover til the end? Is he torn between what he “knows” is right and what his nature as a Maia servant to a Vala demands of him? There are sooo many ways to take this and I’d love to see one or more of them explored!

Fingon/Maedhros/Azaghâl: I’m a sucker for elf/dwarf ships, and there aren’t very many in the First Age! I’d love to see Maedhros dealing with whatever’s going on with him and Azaghâl while at the same time grappling with what that means for his preexisting relationship with Fingon. Maybe Fingon is kind of jealous until he meets Azaghâl and starts to like him too, or maybe he’s supportive of Maedhros exploring this relationship because he knows that Azaghâl is mortal and Mae will always come home to him at the end. I think Fingon getting in on the action, perhaps to his surprise, would be very fun! Also: Azaghâl gave the Dragon-helm of Dor-lómin to Maedhros, who gave it to Fingon, who gave it to Hador...it’s like the Boyfriend-hood of the Traveling Helmet. If that was involved in the story I would be very amused! I’ve seen some versions where Azaghâl is a female dwarf, which is interesting, but my Maedhros is gay so I’d rather not have that here. Unless you want to make Maedhros and Fingon both women, too, in which case go for it!

Maedhros/Turgon: Okay in my head Turgon hates the Fëanorians and blames them for his wife’s death and all the awful things that have happened to him and his family, and since Fëanor himself is dead he shifts all that blame onto Maedhros (and there’s the added resentment that Maedhros is fucking Turgon’s brother). Of course he also blames himself but he doesn’t want to admit that. Maedhros on the other hand (which he only has one of) doesn’t like Turgon but he also blames himself for a lot of the bad things that have happened and basically this all comes to a head after Fingon’s death where they’re both grieving and angry with each other and themselves. Hatefucking!! Fealty - Mae already had a fealty kink from Fingon’s time as king, and now he’s swearing loyalty to Turgon as the new High King... Maybe this is the immediate aftermath of the Nírnaeth and everything is super raw, or maybe it’s some sort of AU where Turgon gets off his ass and tries to unite the Noldor against Morgoth when Ulmo warns him about Gondolin’s fall and he has to confront his least favorite half-cousin. Comparisons between Fingon and Turgon’s physical appearances would be great, Maedhros almost letting himself forget that Fingon is dead for maximum angst, but then Fingon was short and Turgon is almost as tall as Mae is so the illusion is shattered and also Turgon just REALLY hates that Maedhros was genuinely in love with his brother because it would be easier to despise Mae if that was all manipulation. Mae not taking care of himself and purposefully pissing Turgon off and letting himself be manhandled. Turgon who hates how much this is all turning him on. Just a lot of resentment and angst!!

Ok now we get to the Túrin ships, prepare for this disaster human being even MORE of a disaster!

Andróg/Beleg/Túrin: I love Beleg/Túrin (don’t we all?) and throwing Andróg into the mix is very interesting to me! Were Túrin and Andróg messing around before Beleg showed up again? Andróg is canonically jealous of Beleg’s relationship with Túrin, and mistreats him...but Beleg heals his wounds anyway. Enemies to lovers would be very fun here, with tension born of both rivalry and attraction. Is Túrin trying to nudge his two lovers together? Is he trying to be with both of them separately but they make things difficult? Does Beleg try to save Andróg when Amon Rûdh falls? Really anything with these three during the time they’re together in canon would be excellent.

Finduilas/Gwindor/Túrin: I JUST THINK THEY COULD HAVE MADE IT WORK, YOU KNOW? There’s some juicy Túrin/Gwindor lines in COH, Túrin has a thing for blonds so I can see him developing feelings for Finduilas even if he didn’t necessarily have them in canon, Gwindor and Finduilas’ doomed romance just breaks me and I want to FIX it!! If they had been better at communicating, maybe...idk, this could be a fix it or not, but they’re all drama queens and they’re all in love with each other and what if Túrin had managed to save Gwindor and Finduilas and they all went to Brethil together, or something?? Who knows I just need them all together!

Maeglin/Túrin: I feel like I’m the only person sailing this ship but I will go down with it. So WHAT that they never met in canon?? They have MATCHING SWORDS and they’re both doomed by family curses and I think it would be incredibly sexy of Túrin to go to Gondolin. Or maybe Maeglin and Aredhel escaped to Nargothrond (perhaps with Celegorm and Curufin?) and that’s where they meet? What if their curses cancel each other out and they help each other avoid their dooms! What if Maeglin tries to duel Túrin for the right to wield Anglachel! What if Túrin also has a thing for Idril (again...he’s got a thing for blonds, especially blond elves) and they bond over being jealous of Tuor and then fall in love! What if they refuse to acknowledge the insane amount of sexual tension between them until some incredibly inopportune moment like Idril and Tuor’s wedding! So many possibilities and I just adore the concept of this ship!!

Celebrimbor/Maeglin/Túrin: I like to call this ship “Doomed Disaster Boyfriends.” I think this works best in that Maeglin in Nargothrond AU; Celegorm and Curufin have been exiled by Celebrimbor and Maeglin and Aredhel stayed behind in Nargothrond when they left, or maybe Aredhel went with them but Maeglin didn’t, or maybe Aredhel fought in the Nírnaeth and didn’t make it through the battle or something. Although if you wanted to take the Gondolin route instead, where Tyelpë makes his way to Gondolin after the Nírnaeth and Túrin joins up with Tuor instead of heading to Brethil, that would be neat too. Or if you want to go a super dark route: Tyelpë was taken captive to Angband after the Nírnaeth, and Beleg didn’t manage to rescue Túrin so he’s in Angband too, and Maeglin gets kidnapped himself, so they all try and break out together... Anyway: whatever the situation they’re all horribly doomed, they all have family curses, Tyelpë and Maeglin is a great ship because they’re both smiths and everyone hates their dads, Maeglin and Túrin is a great ship because they have matching swords and they’re both super dramatically emo, Túrin and Celebrimbor is a great ship because honestly of course it was Tyelpë who reforged Anglachel into Gurthang and they were both kind of outsiders in Nargothrond - anyway just. Throw them all together into one screaming angsty mess that probably ends up even worse than in canon, I would LOVE that. And Tyelpë outlives both his boyfriends and eventually falls for Annatar who unbeknownst to him had a hand in both their awful demises...

Celebrimbor/Narvi/Annatar: Why feel torn between Celebrimbor/Narvi and Celebrimbor/Annatar when you can have BOTH? We don’t know when Narvi was alive, and it’s entirely possible Annatar’s stay in Eregion overlapped with the crafting of the Doors of Durin. Maybe Tyelpë has a preexisting relationship with Narvi and falls in love with the beautiful stranger; maybe Narvi tries to warn Tyelpë about how suspicious Annatar is but is eventually charmed by him too. Narvi giving Annatar the shovel talk would be amazing. Really I’m interested in anything with these three interacting! Like I mentioned earlier, I love elf/dwarf ships and elf/Ainu ships are great too, so this is a great combination of them :) I generally see Narvi as a female dwarf, but if you’d like to have Narvi be male that’s fine too.

Wow this was longer than I anticipated - I have a lot of rarepair feelings! Thanks for reading this far, and whatever you end up writing for me I am super excited to read it!! And if have questions or ideas or something, my askbox is open and I have anon messages on, I’d love to talk! Thank you <3