#defrost that shit in the microwave!

[redhotarsenic]

Love sleeping right after having a quite frankly unnecessary argument btw it’s like my body’s resetting itself <3

[mooooooosicals]

I have made the executive decision to put my fandom lingo on hold as I am now on summer vacation and therefore I am legally obligated to defrost Gravity Falls so deal with my bullshit <3

[23sibylcake23]

[virgincels]

WASTE ME !

ft. leon s. kennedy x gn!reader

tags. rape, non-con to dubious consent, reader has low self esteem so they think the rape is deserved, dead dove, vendetta leon, implied age gap, virginity loss, kind of stockholm cuz they end up liking leon, guilt, p in v

a/n. please don’t read if this is triggering it’s quite literally just non-con and reader saying they like it bc they’re lonely !!

two / three

You haven’t been out of the house in a while. Not quite unusual, but you’re sure it’s been an extended amount of time since you did anything more than stepping outside to collect a delivery. It’s late and there’s nothing sweet to eat. Excluding the bloomed chocolate stored all the way in the back of your fridge on the shelf that’s icky in ways you choose to ignore. You don’t want to clean that shit up. Gotta seek out a hazmat suit first.

Delivery is always an option, but you’ve wasted so much money on those fucking service fees, it’s a total joke. So you put on your brave face and head out. The October wind chills you to the bone, makes you ache like your entire body needs to be thawed the second it hits you. Put in the microwave a few times. Left to defrost. You regret not putting on those cutesy mittens, got nervous the old corner store owner would find you childish and left them behind in the heat of the moment. Now you’ve got fucking frostbite, you silly bitch.

With your heart in your throat, ready to slip out at a moment’s notice if you do as little as open your mouth, you step inside the dimly lit store. The bell jingles, you’re welcomed by a damp smell that makes you retch silently, the buzz of the refrigerators slowly drives you mad as you make your way through the aisles. Anything will do at this point. You grab the first pack of sugar-coated gummies, and pop it down on the counter. You’ve only got a note, hoping he’d break it, but the cashier unhelpfully drops an extensive amount of change into your small palm, leaving you fumbling.

Keeping the plastic packet between your teeth, you try your best to shove the change into the pocket of your puffy jacket. Of course, everyone is against you at all times, so a coin falls to the ground with a metallic clink. And you’re gonna chase after it when it rolls away. Duh. You don’t have a single penny to waste. Not with all those utility bills. Not with all your bad online shopping habits.

You’re crouched down on the ground, tucked into a nook the streetlights don’t see, feeling around with both your hands. Like how Velma looks for her stupid fuckin’ dork glasses. You feel him before you see him. Smell the sourness of whatever he’s been drinking. Like a fucking keg party, Jesus. His hands are warm on your hips, grabbing them like nobody’s business. You’re scared for sure. Scared shitless in fact. You almost pissed your pants when he crept up behind you like that, like he’s some beast from a creature feature.

Although, you suppose, no one’s ever held you this way. Held you like they want you. Lucky he can’t see your face. You’re certain he’d be the one kicking up a fuss, stumbling out of the alley like you’re the one that tried to rape him. Understandable. You’re a sexually repulsive rat. No one's ever wanted to bang you. Like ever. Once again, totally understandable. You’re not exactly what anyone would call pretty, average even. Dog-face is closer to what you are, face like a pound of slapped ass. Shouldn’t be allowed in public. A guy once told you he’d only hit if you put a bag over your head first. You were willing too, but he was messing with you.

Anyway, back to this guy, he’s got a firm grip on you. It should be totally horrifying, but you’re leaning back into him, and wondering if he’s handsome or not. Probably not. Handsome guys don’t feel the need to shove their dicks in ugly holes. It’s too dark to see his face. You feel prickly stubble on your cheeks when he grabs your face, forces you to kiss him. You don’t know how to kiss him so it’s likely clumsier than he anticipated. You taste the whiskey on his lips, and suck on his tongue when it slips past your parted pucker. Shit. So this is what it’s like. Makes your gut stir, panties sticking to your core with each passing second.

Doesn’t seem as tense as he previously was. Maybe he expected you to put up a fight, but he got lucky. Hit the rape victim jackpot actually. ‘Cause you’re willing to take any dick you can. Most cockhungry virgin in all the world. Other than the dizzying scent of alcohol, nothing else about him is inherently nasty, the nails that dig into your jaw seem to be trimmed well. His hair is better kept than yours ever is when you squint through the darkness at his looming figure. Huh. Hot guys really do fuck ugly bitches. Less pressure maybe. An ugly bitch like you wouldn’t complain one bit, not about his dick, not about how he’s roughing you up, how he smells, none of it. You’ll take whatever venereal disease he’s got just to know what it’s like. To be wanted. To be fucked.

“I’m sorry,” he says, he sounds earnest, you forgive him. He’s taking your virginity, something that’s way overdue, of course you forgive him. Especially with that voice. Gosh. Sounds like warm honey. He pulls your sweats over your hips, presses his hard cock into your ass cheek. Strange and fleshy. Firm and soft all at once.

He takes you like an animal. Stray dog mounting his bitch in a back alley. Sounds about right. It hurts like hell, you’ve never been able to force your fingers particularly deep. Too short, always missing the mark. He exceeds it. You’re pretty sure he’s bruising your cervix, the pace he builds is fast, then he runs out of breath and it’s slow. Sloppy. Lots of ragged breathing. You put a hand over your mouth, weep into your palm, nose running as this stranger fucks up your insides. Fat cock splitting you open on the ground. This is how it was always going to go, ugly bitches like you don’t get laid, they get raped. Reserved for filthy fucking. Sex and foreplay and all that shit is for pretty girls. You’re far from it.

“Jesus,” he hisses when you squeeze around him, when you jolt in pain, hips backing up into him. He runs a finger along your jagged spine, leaves you covered in goosebumps. “I’m sorry.” He says it again, and you know he means it. “I’m so sorry.”

You’re crying like a baby, your chest aches and your knees are scraped. It’s okay, you’d like to tell him, but a hiccup bubbles up in your throat. It feels good. Really. You like it. You’d let him do it again and again. You want to be needed. Want to be the subject of someone’s desires.

He finishes in three minutes flat. You don’t complain when his seed sticks to your ass, trickles down your thighs all sticky. You’re just glad you made him cum. You feel accomplished. Can tick it off your bucket list. He’s trembling more than you are when he stands up, offers his warm hand, refuses to look you in the eyes as you struggle to dress yourself. Feels like you got pins and needles. Hoisting your joggers up, you grab his wrist before he walks away.

You were right. He’s cute. Super cute. Facial hair is a little scraggly but who are you to judge? He’s older than you by a fair amount. Pretty eyes, low brows, dimpled chin. Looks like he should be in a movie with that face. Shoot your shot. Come on. “Hey, could I get your number?”

[vampi-fixx]

morning

kaminari denki x reader // bnha // vday snippet // fluff

Kaminari Denki was a romantic at heart, and Valentine’s Day provided ample opportunity for him to shower you in gifts and affection. He had planned the day out perfectly. He would wake up before you to make heart-shaped waffles (thankfully, he’d found a box of frozen ones at the supermarket; you’d practically banned him from the kitchen after he tried to use his quirk to power the toaster and nearly started a house fire in the process). You’d shower him in kisses for bringing you breakfast in bed, telling him how he was the best and how much you loved him, and the two of you would spend the morning lazily watching romcoms, before heading to dinner at your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant in town. 

Or at least, that’s what would have happened, but Kaminari forgot he had a late-night patrol the day before. He promptly knocked out once he got home, sleeping past all of his alarms.

When he awoke blearily, shaking his head of the remnants of drowsiness, he panicked once he realized two things: one, you weren’t curled up by his side anymore, the spot next to him on the bed cold, and two—he glanced at the clock, eyes widening—how had he slept in until the afternoon? He groaned, falling backwards onto the sheets, throwing a pillow over his face. Damn, he had really missed his chance to wow you—

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” you teased from the doorway, and Kaminari jolted upright, apologies on his lips about sleeping in, but you shushed him. “I figured you’d be tired after patrol. I made you breakfast.” 

He blinked. “Y-You did?” He said lamely. He was about to protest that he was supposed to make you breakfast, but was cut off by his stomach growling—loudly. He grinned sheepishly at your laugh, scratching the back of his head. You made your way over to the bed, placing a kiss on the top of his head before depositing the two plates of food on his lap. You crawled over him to get to your side. 

Kaminari’s eyes widening once he took the sight in, handing you a plate. “Woah, you really went all out, huh?” He grinned. “All this, just for me?”

You rolled your eyes, a smile tugging at your mouth. “I mean, since your Super Secret Valentine’s Day Breakfast was foiled.” He spluttered, asking how you knew about them, and you laughed. “Denki… you’re terrible at hiding things you know that? Also, it’s mm, not hard to figure out when you wrote a reminder on the calendar in the kitchen.” 

Kaminari blinked. Shit, he’d forgotten to erase that…

“Besides, you and I both know you’re a disaster in the kitchen.” You chuckled.

“Babe, they were frozen waffles! Heart-shaped ones too! Anyone could make them!”

“Mm, you do know we still need a new toaster though, right? And microwave. After you broke them.”

He gave you a puzzled look. “You mean we can’t defrost them over fire? Like on the stove?”

“Ummm, no—I mean…maybe? Just—just no, Denki,” you said, silently thanking whatever god there was out there that he overslept and wasn’t able to burn down the kitchen again. You still had flashbacks of him setting your toaster ablaze.

“Huh. Guess I messed up.” He sighed, staring gloomily at his plate. You grabbed a strawberry from it, poising it at his lips. He opened his mouth, swallowing it, before staring at you inquisitively. 

“You know, if you’re going to look at my cooking all sad like that, I’m going to get the wrong idea.”

His eyes widened. “N-No, I love it!” He said, digging in heartily. You laughed, leaning back to watch him enjoy his food. You weren’t going to lie… seeing Denki like this, in his adorable lightning-strike pajamas, with his hair mussed… so lively and buoyant, even this early in the morning… it reminded you why you fell in love with him.

“Did you say something?” You blinked, snapping out of your thoughts. He cocked his head to the side. “You were mumbling.”

“Ah, it’s nothing.” You smiled. 

“You know, (Y/N),” Kaminari said through a mouthful of food. He swallowed. “I know I say this a lot, but…” He glanced at you, pink on his cheeks. “I love you,” he said earnestly.

“I-I love you two, you dork.”

He smiled, taking another bite of food and moaning happily. “God, this tastes amazing, babe. What do I have to do to repay you?”

“Mm, I was thinking a day of chilling in bed and watching shows sounds good. And maybe…” You drew lines into the blanket, staring up at him coyly through your lashes. “A kiss or two?”

His mouth hung open, and you made a face. “Denki, not with food in your mouth!” He apologized, swallowing roughly and nearly choking. He scrabbled for the water on his table, downing it before turning to you, red-faced.

“A-A kiss? Yeah. S-Sure. No problem. I can… I can do that!”

“You’re acting like I’m asking to molest you,” you teased.

“N-No! It’s just…. You never ask this directly. I’m…” He coughed. “I’m shocked.”

You took a deep breath, your own cheeks flushed. “W-Well Denki, can I have a kiss then?”

“Of course! Anything for you,” he said quickly. And he meant it. He leaned in to press his lips against yours. 

When he pulled away, you stared at him pensively. He fidgeted, nervous about the look you were sending him. “Y-Yeah?”

“Hm… how about a kiss for every appliance of ours you’ve broken. So that means two, maybe three?”

He grinned, rubbing the back of his head. “Jeez, that’s not fair… we’ll be here all day then.” 

“Better start counting then,” you teased, pulling him towards you for another one.

[orowyrm]

like yeah eventually lari comes to terms with the whole “WHY ARE YOU ME? I’M ME!” ordeal and manages to begrudgingly tolerate laz’s presence and even slowly start the process of becoming his own person instead of trying to kill and replace laz. HOWEVER this does not mean he ever lets the opportunity to torment laz pass him by like he will absolutely go out of his way to inconvenience him, he just settles for pettier forms of violence. like laz puts something in the microwave or whatever to defrost and walks away and the moment he’s out of earshot larimar hits the cancel button so laz comes back and his shit is still ice cold and this process repeats several times until someone else notices and intervenes

[lolly-dolli]

Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna go down to your local Aldi's, buy a 24oz bag of frozen mango chunks, a bag of rice, and two cans of black beans.

If you don't already have them; salt, lime or lemon juice and cumin; maybe some meal prep tupperware. Pouch tuna if you like that stuff.

Once home, put that bag of mango chunks in a bowl full of warm water so they defrost. Don't pen it. The bag needs to stay closed. This'll make sense later.

Prepare enough water in a pot to cook two cups of that rice. Make sure the pot's big. Big enough to hold way more rice than you expect there to be. Add a teaspoon of cumin, two tablespoons lime or lemon juice, salt according to preference. Pat of butter.

Boil. Make sure the butler's melted. Stir to combine.

Add your rice. Cook according to rice bag.

If you have a protein, you can cook that now. 20-30 minutes at your disposal. If not, that's why we got the second can of beans for.

I recommend Aldi's tuna steaks - quick to defrost, 5 bucks for 2-3. Lean protein. Real nice. Creme de la crumb's tuna marinade also works real nice if you have the energy.

A pouch of tuna's just as good functionally.

Less mercury that way.

You can mix it in that if you want, too.

Strain your beans. Conserve a little bean water for the rice if you want.

Your rice is done.

Add your beans. Twice as many if you're feeling like it'll be a bad week. Two or three pouch tunas too if you want a little extra.

If you have the lemon pepper kind you can probably nix the citrus juice.

Now we go back to your mango. If all's worked correctly, the warm water should've thawed them somewhat, the heat warming the air in the bag.

Dump 'em in, turn the burner to low heat. Stir until well combined.

Portion out into Tupperware.

You've got a good couple meals right there. Even more as side dishes if you have the energy to cook chicken nuggets or fish or veggies or whatever.

Lunch. Breakfast. Dinner.

Carbs to keep you awake and moving.

Protein to fuel your muscles.

Bit of fiber to push it all through your guts easier.

Citric acid to avoid the scurvy.

Can be eaten hot or cold, and the shit's good, too.

You're gonna have something tasty to eat whether you can operate a microwave or not this week.

That's what you're gonna do.

[kazachi69]

Kaz in putting you on defrost in the microwave

If you put me in a defrost microwave, that shit would explode faster then the jets that hit the twin towers on 9/11

[marshymallo]

my mom bought boba at jungle jim’s the other day and we thought it would be like other frozen boba we bought

now, instead of popping something into the microwave and adding milk i’m waiting for this shit to defrost so i can drink it 😑😑

[carpathxanridge]

im literally so angry but i dont have the energy to b angry so im just crying. i made veggie burgers for dinner and they were pretty good, not great but for a first time they were nice! and my sister cut off a piece and tried one but didn’t like it and spit it out, and it was funny, i had no hard feelings. but then she was joking around but saying all this kinda hurtful shit it’s an “abomination” and “a sin to call it a burger” etc. which… okay but i did work hard on it and my mom and i were literally eating it as she was saying all this :| but i got she was just doing a bit, so okay. then after i finished eating i told her i’d make her a beef burger that i’d defrosted in case she didn’t like the veggie burgers, and i did make it but i honestly didn’t know how long to cook it for or at what level of heat and after having just cooked for like two hours i didn’t have the energy to look it all up so i just asked my mom and followed her advice. well i call my sister back downstairs to give her this burger and she put all the toppings on it i’d set out (i watched her put like a half of an avocado on it), and i leave her to eat alone (because she doesn’t like people watching her eat if they’re not also eating). and then i realize i didn’t ask her if it was cooked well enough, so i call in from the living room “hey did it turn out cooked through?” and as i walk into the kitchen she is DUMPING THE ENTIRE BURGER IN THE FUCKING TRASH. and i was like wtf are u doing??? and she really nastily says “it wasn’t cooked through at all it was literally raw” and i’m like ???? SO YOU FUCKING TELL ME AND LET ME FINISH COOKING IT FOR YOU. YOU NUKE IT IN THE MICROWAVE. YOU DON’T THROW OUT AN ENTIRE BURGER THAT I MADE SPECIALLY FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T EAT THE ACTUAL MEAL I PUT ON THE TABLE. i could kill her. she’s not a baby! she’s a 16 year old girl who could feed herself, but i go out of my way most days to feed her because i know she won’t eat a proper meal otherwise and she just treats me like shit.

[professorhashbrown]

Whoever said there's beef in the fridge fucking lied I'm having to defrost this shit in the microwave

[creature-of-the-void]

Defrosted the ground meat in the microwave because I never defrosted it normally, put water in a pot to boil, put olive oil in the water, suddenly had to use the bathroom, come back, there's not enough water in [the pot], put some more hot water in there, the meat's done defrosting, put it in the saucepan(?), turns out it's still frozen in the middle a little bit, had to use it anyway because it's all I have, had to chisel it away into bits because I need it to be little tiny pieces of meat, finally get that done, start cooking the meat, put adobo on that bitch, put elbow noodles in the pot of water, continue cooking for some time

The noodles are done, grab the strainer, strainer feels oily so I gotta clean it, turn off pot fire so I don't burn the noodles, clean the strainer, go over to the pot, stir the meat so it doesn't burn, strain the noodles, rinse with cold water, put them back in the pot, go to meat, the meat's burning on the bottom, strain the meat of its grease or whatever, put it back in the saucepan(?), dunk an entire thing of Ragu sauce in the meat, heat it up with the stove so that you're not just putting lukewarm sauce into noodles, take too little time so I'm doing that anyway, struggle to get the sauce in because the thing that holds the microwave above it is too low to do that so I have to scrape it in, then mix that shit together to make:

A home cooked meal :)

[sweetblood]

holy shit i was trying to defrost some peanut butter in the microwave and i nearly burned the fucking house down

[number1goat]

So I have like. One spoon every six months. But also I must eat.

Some great things this weekend: made 1.5 gallons of a veggie filled tomato sauce (2 onions, one head garlic, one package mushrooms, 2 zucchini, 1 eggplant, 2 lil cans tomato paste, 2 28 oz cans tomatoes, i had a whole baked spaghetti squash I’d forgotten about in the fridge, whatever dried herbs I saw, something fatty and salty that came from an animal: half package of cream cheese, couple glugs of heavy cream, buncha Parmesan, half tin of anchovies with the oil, maybe olives? Package of ground meat, whatever) half a bottle of wine if you have it. Chop that shit like you don’t care, brown veg, add wet stuff and go.

Like, this is just pasta sauce. The trick is that it’s a gallon and a half of pasta sauce that tastes good and has vegetables, so you can defrost and have Real Food whenever. If you put some in pint/ half pint containers the half pint is like 1 serving for one person and very easy food.

The easiest green food:

Slice as much cabbage as you’re going to eat, or better yet buy a bag of slaw mix. Add oyster sauce and sesame oil. Pop it in the microwave. I haven’t tried this yet with a frozen bag of cabbage but it probably works if you drain the water first.

This is great with rice and a fried egg w chili crisp and I probably eat it 4x a week.

If you have extra spoons, chop half an onion and cabbage/broccoli/whatever. Buy a sauce from the Asian aisle in your grocery store and mix with some water and corn starch. Fry it until it’s like barely cooked at all. Eat with frozen dumplings or rice and eggs/rotisserie chicken/whatever.

Quart container hummus: so hummus is already stupid easy but I have one (1) spoon. The trick here is it reduces things and steps in an adhd way: no spatula, no serving dish, no cleaning the fucking food processor.

Recipe: Empty a can of chickpeas into a quart container and dump out most of the liquid back into the can. Add a couple big spoonfuls of tahini and a big glug of olive oil. Microwave until hot. Squeeze half a lemon and drop in a garlic clove whole, pinch of salt. Blend smooth.

I ate this for dinner with half a bag of spring peas dropped into the hummus and fished out with a spoon. You eat it in the container you make it in and put it in the fridge in the same container with a lid on.

I also buy asparagus, knock the ends off (don’t fuck around with breaking them individually, just whack them off with a knife) boil salted water in a saucepan (important bc it’s faster), drop asparagus in and wait for it to change color (maybe like 15 seconds). Run that whole fucker under cold water until cool. Eat it with whatever but just lemon and olive oil is p good. Can be eaten straight from the fridge plain and is very nice that way.

[kuipernebula]

i managed to make orange chicken today that wasn't so terrible i had to throw it out (which was what happened last time)

the trick was to just use premade sauce. because whatever that shit i made last time was, it was vile

anyway it's super not hard when that part's done, just make little fried chicken bits (i've found microwave-defrosted chicken is still wet enough that it can just be tossed through corn starch easily enough?) brown them in oil, and then finish their cooking in the sauce